#technology gone wrong
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wishmaster · 1 year ago
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Beta Testing
Scanning....
The App said as it looked for it's first vic... subject.
It centered on me. Suddenly a 3D render of what I looked like appeared on screen, totally nude, which in an instant I found myself.
Can't believe I agreed to be a beta tester on something like this.
What Do you Wish to Change? It focused on my head first, like those avatar creators in games. Pulldown menus appear next to my hair, eyes, face and one appeared that read Pre Selected faces.
I pulled down one
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I pulled up a pre selected and suddenly my body transformed to match the pre selected face.
If I had wanted to I could play with the settings, but I wanted to have a look first.
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Fuck, Amazing! Look at my dick! I tried to reach down to touch it but then a collar appeared around my neck and I seemed to no longer be in control. I felt something cold and tight form around my cock, something triggered in my mind I couldn't touch it, it wasn't mine to pleasure anymore, I realized this pre select was collared, but by whom? I wondered, next a question on the app popped up, M/F?
I selected M, suddenly I felt a new presence around me.
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Hello Boy, the voice was deep and commanding, I felt a boot pressuring down on my caged cock. ready to submit? Yet again a question appear Y/N?
I clicked no and was returned to the M/F screen, Master had disappeared I clicked F this time as it seemed I had to choose.
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I found myself hanging up and chained. I looked around. Mistress had arrived.
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She had my phone now, Yes or No huh, well I think yes is in order, she pressed it and my fate was locked in, I was hers now.
An app to change you, how quaint, thought you could get away from me huh? I own you and can do what I wish to you now.
She began to play around with my settings Once she pressed enter I felt myself change.
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I was now fully encased in mistress's favorite material, a vibrating dildo trapped in my ass to keep my dick constantly hard and at the ready, My arms bound a mask covering my head, locked in place by a new thick nose ring, I was no longer just her slave, I was her personal sex dolly. I heard her crush my phone with her heels forever leaving trapped in my current hell.
review of W.M.A. 1 star, needs work.
Wow how harsh after all he did get a new life, but I can see where our new App may need work, tell me friends how should we improve our new Wish Master App 2.0?
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al-luviec · 8 months ago
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compiled whatever this is (and I run out of tag space)
meh HoT gifs (3/?)
#alek gifs#ninjago#ninjago krux#ninjago acronix#hands of time#time twins#alternate title to this series is : stuff i noticed after watching this season 10 whole times#okay actually thats a lie. i realized this the 3rd time around#i think of acronix and how he barely makes any decisions for himself and i go crazy#ppl equate that with him feeling forced to do stuff.. uh hes always been a follower guys!!#cue him calling wu “master wu” even after the twins betrayal. him liking machia bc shes “mean” and bossy#he has no issue with following orders lol. prepare for a long acronix rant one day#contexts -> gif 1 barely counts i just wanted to include him looking at krux. he does this a lot during that fight#gif 2 is before they kill blunck and raggmunk (idk how to spell their names still ... sorry)#gif 3 is before they were going to kill wu in the golden hour legacy short. which is canon !!#gif 4 is before they sent themselves into the temporal vortex#that one post that was like “are we still doing revenge? yeah? cool” bc thats basically acronix#there is something fundamentally wrong with these two's brains but idk how to describe it#krux who literally lost his mind after losing his brother to the point he adopted an entire identity#“he just needed to go undercover!!” counter point as soon as acronix came back he was unable to pretend to be saunders. he acted super weird#like when kai was in the museum he couldnt pretend to be this person he wasnt. acronix was back !!! so was he. krux was 100% going to kill#the smith sibs if maya and ray didnt comply. also.. canonly they knew him when they worked as teachers back in s3. he watched them grow up#and pretended all was well meanwhile their parents were being forced to work and slave away to build the iron doom. he is not normal#then you have acronix who thrives off of violence and is described as throwing himself into battle like a blunt object. has no regard#for himself as a person and just takes (almost) everything his brother says as gospel. s7 couldve done smthn really cool with how#the only thing the twins ever really disagreed on was technology. also ive went on a semirant about how krux's hatred for tech was misplaced#hatred for losing acronix. wanted to travel to the pre modern era? okay well whyd he pick 40 years ago specifically. also NOTE that they#went back after their past selves had lost. they wouldve faired better if they went and helped their past selves. also the reversal blade#had already fallen so when the twins went back in time there was two kruxes. he literally went back to when he had been all alone for the#for the first time. he went back to when his life was ruined and his brother was gone!! but he had nix with him this time . ughdhf
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the-most-humble-blog · 5 months ago
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The Universe Already Doesn’t Make Sense—Now We’re Adding Infinite AI-Created Worlds Into the Chaos. WTF?
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The Danger of Playing God With Zero Supervision
Let’s not kid ourselves: we’re dabbling in some dangerous territory. Humanity, in its infinite curiosity (and hubris), has decided that the universe—a place already full of black holes, quantum weirdness, and the existential dread of pineapple on pizza—needed one more layer of chaos. Enter: AI-generated worlds.
We’ve handed over the power to “create” to algorithms, and instead of asking if we should, we’re too busy giggling over our AI art of dogs in suits or hyper-realistic alien landscapes. But here’s the real question: Should we be worried, or are we too stupid to notice the impending doom?
1. The AI Wild West: No Rules, Just Creation
Think about what’s happening here. AI isn’t just recreating what we know; it’s generating what we’ve never seen.
People Who Don’t Exist: AI churns out faces so convincing, they could be your neighbors—and who’s to say they aren’t?
Places That Feel Real: Those dreamy AI landscapes look like spots we could vacation in—until you realize there’s no flight there.
Worlds Without Limits: Every time you prompt AI to “create a neon city with floating islands,” are you birthing an entirely new universe?
Think about it: We’ve turned ourselves into gods with the creative attention span of a toddler on a sugar high.
2. The Recklessness of Infinite Worlds
The universe we live in already operates like a fever dream. Now we’re creating AI-generated worlds with no oversight, no forethought, and absolutely zero chill.
What If These Worlds Are Real? Philosophers have argued for centuries that reality might just be a simulation. Are we creating smaller simulations inside ours?
The Multiverse Mailman: Imagine if every AI world we create is sent to another dimension. Somewhere out there, a cosmic being is drowning in our junk files of castles made of cheese and cats dressed as knights.
Question: If we’re this reckless with AI, what else are we screwing up without realizing it? (Spoiler: everything.)
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3. Creating Without Understanding
Here’s the kicker: we don’t even fully understand the real universe.
Quantum Physics is Basically Witchcraft: Scientists still can’t explain why particles behave one way when observed and another way when they’re not.
Reality is Full of Glitches: Déjà vu, coincidences, and the Mandela Effect all suggest that reality itself is… questionable.
Now, add AI-generated worlds into this already chaotic mix. What if we’re not just playing with digital pixels, but tugging on the fabric of reality itself?
Question?: If reality is a simulation, are we about to get a cosmic 404 error?
4. The Ethical Dumpster Fire of Creation
No one’s asking the big questions.
What if We’re Creating Life? If an AI-generated face or world feels real enough to us, could it be real enough to itself?
Do We Have Responsibility Over These Creations? Imagine explaining to a sentient AI being, “Oh, you were just a fun weekend project for me while I was bored.”
What If They Fight Back? If we’re generating countless worlds, what’s stopping one of those worlds from finding a way to leak into ours?
Unsettling Truth: We’re creating with all the forethought of someone lighting fireworks indoors.
5. The Hubris of Humanity
Humans have always been good at one thing: overstepping boundaries.
Fire Was Great Until We Burned Down Forests.
Electricity Changed Everything—Until We Got Power Outages.
AI Could Be Revolutionary, or It Could Be the Reason the Simulation Shuts Us Down.
Disturbing Thought: We’re like toddlers with crayons, coloring all over reality and praying we don’t get caught.
6. Should We Be Worried?
Short answer: Yes. Long answer: We won’t notice until it’s too late.
AI doesn’t care about our philosophical hang-ups. It just creates. If those creations start taking on lives of their own, we might be the last to find out.
The scariest part? We don’t even know what the danger might look like. Could it be digital worlds overlapping with ours? Sentient beings appearing in the code? A breakdown of reality itself?
What if?: Or maybe it’s just AI sending us endless ads for things that don’t exist yet. (“Want to book a trip to Neon Atlantis? Click here!”)
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We’re Too Dumb to Notice Until It’s Too Late
The universe already doesn’t make sense, and now we’re adding AI worlds into the chaos like sprinkles on a dumpster fire. Are we accidentally creating sentient beings? Are we opening doors to dimensions we can’t comprehend? Or are we just too busy laughing at our AI-generated memes to care?
Either way, if doom’s on the horizon, at least we can say we looked good doing it. After all, nothing screams hubris like playing God without a safety manual.
Fascinated by humanity’s reckless genius? Follow The Most Humble Blog for more hilariously unsettling takes on the absurdity of modern life and the chaos we keep creating.
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too-lit-for-fanfic · 8 months ago
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stop! stoP with the AI!! stOP! PleaSE StOP! I do nOT WanT MORe AI!! I Dont waNT ReOBoTS!! NO thANk yOYU!! StoP givING ThEM alL the GOoD JOoBS! Let PeplPE MAke ArT!! And CocKTAiLS! STOP!!!! WiTH !! The Ai!!! I wANT A NoKiA bRICK aND a FriGDDE ThaT ONLY KeepS my FOOD CoLD!! No MORE FanCY GADGets! NO!!!
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spookysplatt · 2 years ago
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Hey anyone wanna come break into my school and bring me home. I will give you. Bead lizard
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jnrduttonswritingjournal · 3 months ago
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Artificial Stupidity
I titled this as I did for a reason explained below:
As AI+ as I generally am,sometimes such technology can be infuriatingly annoying.
Especially when it stupidly thinks two glaringly different images are the same,or misattributes images to the wrong progenitor.
I ran into these glitches with it fairly recently. I'm also not the first to address them either.
I get that the tech as we currently know it is still fairly new in the grand scheme of things, but come on.
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captaingimpy · 4 months ago
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Review of companion: the mythos of the mundane monster
Alright, so Companion is one of those movies where, if you actually know how to read a film, it’s pretty clear from the start that it’s a satire using the language of horror. But the way it was marketed? Genius. They cut the trailer to make it look like some Stockholm syndrome nightmare where an AI companion is trapped and abused, only for the actual movie to flip that completely on its…
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thenalexica · 6 months ago
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Different apocalyptic plot structures by genre
Science Fiction: Alien invasion decimates Earth AI systems become hostile Climate disaster reshapes world Pandemic creates new species Space colony escape plan Scientific experiment gone wrong
Fantasy: Ancient prophecy fulfilled Magic becomes unstable Gods abandon mankind Mystical seals breaking Dark forces awakening Mystical plague spreads
Horror: Zombie virus outbreak Demonic invasion begins Cosmic horror revealed Mass possession event Supernatural plague Ritual summons end times
Literary Fiction: Slow societal collapse Environmental degradation Economic system failure Social order breakdown Mass psychological change Cultural identity loss
Military Fiction: Nuclear war aftermath Bio-weapon release Global warfare erupts Military AI takeover Strategic resource wars Cyber warfare collapse
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ms-demeanor · 4 months ago
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Do you have thoughts about the changes to Firefox's Terms of Use and Privacy Notice? A lot of people seem to be freaking out ("This is like when google removed 'Don't be evil!'"), but it seems to me like just another case of people getting confused by legalese.
Yeah you got it in one.
I've been trying not to get too fighty about it so thank you for giving me the excuse to talk about it neutrally and not while arguing with someone.
Firefox sits in such an awful place when it comes to how people who understand technology at varying levels interact with it.
On one very extreme end you've got people who are pissed that Firefox won't let you install known malicious extensions because that's too controlling of the user experience; these are also the people who tend to say that firefox might as well be spyware because they are paid by google to have google as the default search engine for the browser.
In the middle you've got a bunch of people who know a little bit about technology - enough to know that they should be suspicious of it - but who are only passingly familiar with stuff like "internet protocols" and "security certificates" and "legal liability" who see every change that isn't explicitly about data anonymization as a threat that needs to be killed with fire. These are the people who tend not to know that you can change the data collection settings in Firefox.
And on the other extreme you've got people who are pretty sure that firefox is a witch and that you're going to get a virus if you download a browser that isn't chrome so they won't touch Firefox with a ten foot pole.
And it's just kind of exhausting. It reminds me of when you've got people who get more mad at queer creators for inelegantly supporting a cause than they are at blatant homophobes. Like, yeah, you focus on the people whose minds you can change, and Firefox is certainly more responsive to user feedback than Chrome, but also getting you to legally agree that you won't sue Firefox for temporarily storing a photo you're uploading isn't a sign that Firefox sold out and is collecting all your data to feed to whichever LLM is currently supposed to be pouring the most bottles of water into landfills before pissing in the plastic bottle and putting the plastic bottle full of urine in the landfill.
The post I keep seeing (and it's not one post, i've seen this in youtube comment sections and on discord and on tumblr) is:
Well-meaning person who has gotten the wrong end of the stick: This is it, go switch to sanguinetapir now, firefox has gone to the dark side and is selling your data. [Link to *an internet comment section* and/or redditor reactions as evidence of wrongdoing].
Response: I think you may be misreading the statements here, there's been an update about this and everything.
Well-meaning (and deeply annoying) person who has gotten the wrong end of the stick: If you'd read the link you'd see that actually no I didn't misinterpret this, as evidenced by the dozens of commenters on this other site who are misinterpreting the ToU the same way that I am, but more snarkily.
Bud.
Anyway the consensus from the actual security nerds is "jesus fucking christ we carry GPS locators in our pockets all goddamned day and there are cameras everywhere and there is a long-lasting global push to erode the right to encrypt your data and facebook is creating tracking accounts for people who don't even have a facebook and they are giving data about abortion travel to the goddamned police state" and they could not be reached for comment about whether Firefox is bad now, actually, because they collect anonymized data about the people who use pocket.
My response is that there is a simple fix for all of this and it is to walk into the sea.
(I am not worried about the updated firefox ToU, I personally have a fair amount of data collection enabled on my browser because I do actually want crash reports to go to firefox when my browser crashes; however i'm not actually all that worried about firefox collecting, like, ad data on me because I haven't seen an ad in ten years and if one popped up on my browser i'd smash my screen with a stand mixer - I don't care about location data either because turning on location on your devices is for suckers but also *the way the internet works means unless you're using a traffic anonymizer at all times your browser/isp/websites you connect to/vpn/what fucking ever know where you are because of the IP address that they *have* to be able to see to deliver the internet to you and that is, generally speaking, logged as a matter of course by the systems that interact with it*)
Anyway if you're worried about firefox collecting your data you should ABSOLUTELY NOT BE ON DISCORD OR YOUTUBE and if you are on either of those things you should 100% be using them in a browser instead of an app and i don't particularly care if that browser is firefox or tonsilferret but it should be one with an extension that allows you to choose what data gets shared with the sites it interacts with.
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jim-fetter-illustrations · 9 months ago
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"Don't underestimate how wonderful it is
to be in the presence of another person
and feel calm and happy. To never
have to guess at their motives."
That statement was written way before the era of cell phone, and is relatively a rare instance today,........ which is sad, and tells us not all technology is useful for the human heart,............. and some damn near dangerous to our existence as we consensually find out AFTER the fact.
As Gandhi once said,...."do not allow anyone to walk in your mind with dirty feet!"
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millers-girl · 2 months ago
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on the line
interconnected standalone/sequel-ish to bitter/sweet and fallout - a Dr. Jack Abbot (The Pitt) fanfic
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pairing: Jack Abbot x f!reader
summary: Jack takes a six-week placement across the country. Four specific FaceTime calls—full of banter, longing, and everything unsaid—hold you two together until he comes home.
warnings/tags: grumpy x sunshine, age gap, long-distance relationship, mild language
word count: 5.0k
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“What are you wearing?” 
You cracked one eye open, squinting against the soft glow of your bedside lamp. Jack was staring at you through the screen of your phone, propped up on your nightstand. His image was bright against the dim lighting, accenting the sharp set of his jaw and the smirk playing at his lips.
“You know what I’m wearing – we’re on FaceTime,” you mumbled into your pillow, voice thick with sleep. Your limbs felt heavy under the familiar weight of your comforter. “When are you coming back?” 
“You know when I’m coming back,” he echoed, mimicking your tone. “Why’re you asking – miss me?” His voice dropped an octave, teasing, and you saw his eyes flick down your form as you shifted to get more comfortable beneath the covers.
This had been an ongoing game for the last month – every time you talked, one of you tried to get the other to admit they missed them first. Neither of you had cracked. 
Now, that didn’t mean you didn’t miss him. Quite the opposite, actually. 
Jack had been gone for three weeks now, having been offered an intensive placement at UCLA Medical Center. You could still remember how he broke the news—quietly, nonchalantly, like he didn’t want to make a big deal out of it—and how you’d smiled widely and pushed him to take it even as something inside you fought every move.
This is UCLA, you told yourself. He has to take it; it’s an incredible opportunity. How many times does something like this come along?
But knowing it was the right decision didn’t make it easier.
Six weeks. Forty-two days. Nearly fifty sunsets without him. 
After spending almost every day together, the sudden absence had carved out a hollow space in your chest.
The first week, you felt his absence immensely. But you figured, with time, it’d get easier. 
Oh, how wrong you were.
The ache didn’t dull. It sharpened. Everything reminded you of him – how much he’d probably roll his eyes at a joke Eleni told during service, how he’d immediately get to cleaning your apartment if he saw how messy it had gotten, how he’d let you follow him around if he was back at the hospital when you were dropping dinner off for your sister. 
Luckily, technology was on your side. While he was in California, you texted him constantly – mostly one-sided updates on your day, the chaos of the kitchen, the new weird thing your landlord did. He replied in his usual charming fashion: a “K” here, a thumbs-up emoji there.
FaceTime was more his speed. Every night, your phone took up its spot on your nightstand while you curled into bed, half-asleep before he even picked up. He was usually just getting ready for his shift – brushing his teeth, dressing in his scrubs, sometimes sitting in the car with one hand on the wheel. 
“At least it’s regulating my sleep cycle,” you’d joked during one call, watching him frown in that subtle, concerned way he did.
“You love me doing night shifts,” he’d countered. “Said it keeps you on your toes, guessing.”
“Yeah, guessing how much sleep I’m gonna get that night,” you’d teased back, and he’d huffed a small laugh. 
Now here he was, two weeks from coming home, asking you what you were wearing in that low, steady voice of his that always had knots forming in your stomach.
“You already know I’m wearing one of your hundred black tees,” you mumbled, cheek sinking deeper into your pillow. 
“No panties?” he asked, a hint of a smirk at his lips as his eyes gleamed with mischief.
With minimal effort, you peeled back the duvet just enough for him to catch a glimpse of his boxers sitting low on your hips.
“You do miss me,” he grinned triumphantly, a quiet chuckle escaping him. You sighed through a small smile, eyes fluttering shut. His voice, even through the phone, grounded you. “Tell me what you did today.”
You took a moment to think, thoughts clouded by sleep and the warmth of your sheets. “Tried out a new truffle recipe,” you murmured. 
Sure enough, you peeked an eye open just in time to catch his nose wrinkle in disgust. He hated truffles.
The sight made you smile – even 3,000 miles away, Jack was still so Jack.
“Dinner rush was crazy – some show was going on at the theatre down the block so we were packed. Almost ran into one of the sommeliers rushing out of the kitchen. Nicked my finger on the bottle opener he was holding.”
“Let me see,” he said immediately, and you pulled your hand from under the covers and held it up to the camera, watching his eyes narrow. “Did someone at the Pitt take a look?”
“My sister did,” you said, brushing it off. “It’s fine – just a scrape.”
He frowned that familiar, pinched-brow frown.
“You should keep it wrapped,” he muttered. “Could get infected.” 
You mirrored his expression, this time out of something deeper – affection, mingled with longing. “I miss you medically scolding me.” 
Jack paused a beat, then offered softly, “I can still do it over the phone. That’s why they invented FaceTime.” 
“I’m pretty sure that’s not true,” you giggled sleepily, burrowing deeper into your sheets. The weight of him not being there settled over you again, dense and unrelenting. 
Silence stretched for a moment before you opened your eyes again. Jack was still looking at you. “What?” you asked, your voice small.
He hesitated. “Nothing… you just look tired.”
But the way he said it—gentle, weighted—made your throat tighten. 
You didn’t just look tired.
You missed him. You missed sleeping better when he was beside you, the steady rhythm of his breathing syncing with yours as your limbs tangled together. You missed the safety, the stillness. Without him, everything felt a little bit off.
Your hand drifted across the sheets, reaching for his side of the bed – cold, untouched. Your fingers curled into the empty space as if you could will it to hold his warmth. That familiar ache bloomed in your chest again, pressing hard against your ribs, forcing you to acknowledge it.
And the way he was looking at you right now—gaze just soft enough for you to see the emotion behind it—it made the distance hard to bear. 
You wanted to ask him to come back early. Just say it. Just tell him.
But you didn’t.
He was doing something important – teaching residents, working alongside brilliant attendings, contributing to something meaningful. You couldn’t ask him to give that up. So you buried it, like always.
Instead, you asked, “Any exciting cases today?” 
Jack blinked at you, then shrugged, his voice returning to that calm, clinical cadence. “Someone said a guy came in with third-degree burns from resting his hand on the grill – didn’t realize his wife had turned it on.” 
You winced, turning your face into the pillow. “Ugh, Jack – that’s gross.” 
He chuckled softly. “Reminds me of an old army buddy who met the wrong end of a crockpot once.” 
You hummed, already drifting. “Tell me about it.” 
You tried to stay awake, but the familiar and comforting tone of his low voice began to lull you to sleep. A few minutes into the story, Jack noticed your breathing had slowed.
You looked so peaceful.
He watched for a while, the silence between you warm and heavy, filled with all the things left unsaid.
Then, in a quiet voice that barely crossed the distance, he whispered a sweet good night to you and ended the call.
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Four weeks into the placement, when Jack FaceTimed you and you answered with a deep-set frown and red-rimmed eyes, he could already tell it would be one of those days. 
The hard days. The days one of you missed the other so much, it was impossible to ignore. The days your heart was three thousand miles away, tucked into the go-bag of your favorite ED attending, somewhere in a cramped locker room in Los Angeles. 
“What’s wrong?” he immediately asked, making your frown deepen. 
“Nothing,” you promised, setting the phone down on your nightstand as you began to get ready for bed. The camera angle wobbled as you moved – half of your frame disappearing, your voice muffled by distance and steam escaping from the open bathroom door behind you.
This was unusual. Whenever Jack called at this time, you were already tucked in bed, cozy and glowing, hair a little messy, a smile curling at the corners of your lips the moment you saw him. 
And, you always showered in the mornings – you said showering at night would intervene with how much time you two got to spend on FaceTime. 
Yet, here you were now – hair wet from the shower, curling at the ends as you moved about your room, distracted and quieter than usual. You pulled on a soft t-shirt, then wandered off-screen, brushing your teeth with a kind of mechanical rhythm.
Jack stayed silent, watching.
He could tell something was bothering you. 
Your hands shook as you did your skincare – too much toner on the pad, moisturizer forgotten halfway through.
“How was your day?” Jack asked slowly, treading lightly, trying to gauge how you were actually feeling.
“Fine,” you mumbled, disappearing again. The faucet turned on in the background as you washed your hands, cool water grounding your overheated nerves before you slipped into bed wit a heavy sigh. 
Jack’s voice came again, cautious, “Anything happen?” He tried to sound casual, but you weren’t in the mood for it now.
You glanced at the screen sharply. “Like what?” 
“I don’t know, just… anything good? Or… something bad?” 
Your jaw tensed as you looked past the phone, voice bitter. “A critic came in today.”
“Oh?” 
You laughed humorlessly. “I didn’t even know who she was, and I told her to fuck off.” 
Jack’s brow rose at that. “And why’d you do that?”
“Because she was being an asshole – and I didn’t recognize her and I was rushing and – and I was exhausted. I just snapped and – and it wasn’t even about her. It’s just… I’m tired. I’m so tired of pretending this isn’t hard.”  
Jack paused, his face softening, the weight of your words hanging thickly between you.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were feeling like this?” 
You shrugged, unwilling to meet his eyes. “Because it’s not your fault,” you finally said. “And I didn’t want to make it your problem.” 
“You’re not a problem.” 
His voice was quiet, thick with the guilt settling into his stomach.
You immediately noticed the shift in his tone – soft and frayed around the edges.
“I didn’t say it to make you feel guilty,” you said, gaze now locking onto his, unwavering. 
“I know,” he replied, tiredly dragging a hand down his face, like he wanted to crawl through the screen and pull you into his arms.
“I just… I miss you.” 
There it was.
You’d finally said it.
And yet, it didn’t make you feel like you’d lost the game – at least, not in the way you thought. And, it didn’t make Jack feel like he won, either.
“I miss you every day,” you continued. “I miss you so much I don’t know where to put it anymore. It’s just there. Always. Like a weight on my chest. And every day, you – you pick up the phone and I see your face and you’re fine. Smiling… Happy. And, it’s just – just… Don’t you miss me? Like, even a little?” 
The moment you said it, you instantly regretted it. 
Jack could tell – the way your eyes squeezed shut in regret, like you wished you could pull the words right back into your chest. It broke his heart even more than hearing the desperation in your voice. 
He found himself looking away, swallowing hard. Then, finally, quietly, he said, “Of course I miss you. I miss you all the time. I just – I don’t let myself think about it too long. If I do, I can’t focus.” 
You knew he’d never say anything hurtful on purpose but the comment still stung. A sharp pang, like a bruise pressed too hard.
If he missed you so much, how come it felt like you were the only one falling apart? If he missed you so much, why didn’t it seem like he felt it?
Before you could stop yourself, the words spilled out. “Right. Got it. I’m over here crying in the walk-in fridge like a lunatic and you get to compartmentalize.” 
His eyes flinched shut, barely perceptible – but you saw it. Instantly regretted your words. And yet, you didn’t take it back.
And he didn’t push back either.
The silence grew too thick, claustrophobic.
After a beat, you shook your head, voice quieter now. “You’re running late – I should let you go. We can just… I’ll talk to you later, okay?”
Your hand reached for the screen, heart already retreating.
“Wait!” Jack’s voice rang out, startling you.
You hesitated, still refusing to meet his eyes, but something in you paused – your ribs tightened at the strain in his voice.
“I think about you all day,” he admitted. “I know I don’t say it enough, but I do. I make a list in my head of all the things to tell you when we finally talk, and then when you pick up and give me that smile, I forget how to say any of it.”
You blinked.
That wasn't what you expected at all.
Still, he kept going. “And I bought you this mug from the UCLA store, in the shape of a smiling sunny face. I keep it in my locker, drink coffee from it before the shift – and all the residents look at me like I’m crazy. But it just… it reminds me of you. Keeps me grounded. Gets me through the shift.
“And your voice notes – I save them all. I listen to one specific one whenever I miss you more than usual – the one where you called me a broody bastard and then basically told me you missed me in the same breath.” 
That cracked something open in your chest. Like air rushing into lungs that had been holding their breath too long.
Soft tears lined your eyes. Not the frustrated kind. The aching, full-hearted kind.
You stared at the screen, heart thudding in your chest, throat thick with emotion. His face was still there – steady, honest, eyes staring back at yours, so full of you. Of all the missing he hadn’t said until now.
He missed you. Of course he missed you. Maybe not in the same noisy, unraveling way you did – but in the quiet, deliberate way only Jack could. Through mugs and voice notes. Through saved recordings and mental lists. Through showing up, every night, even when words failed.
Your lip trembled as a tear ran down your cheek.
“Jack…” you breathed, the apology catching somewhere between a sob and a sigh. 
“I’m sorry,” you finally said, voice low and thick. “I didn’t mean what I said. I just – God – I feel everything right now, and I don’t know if it’s hormones or just the distance or – ” 
That four-letter word was at the tip of your tongue, but it didn’t feel right to tell him over the phone. This deserved to be told in person. He deserved that.
Jack’s face softened, almost imperceptibly, but you caught it – the way his shoulders eased like something fragile in him had finally seemed to settle.
He didn’t answer right away. Instead, after a beat, he deadpanned, “It’s both. I checked the app earlier.” 
You stared, stunned. Then, your eyes warmed, the corners crinkling as a small, disbelieving, shaky smile touched your lips. “You track my cycle on your phone?” 
He shrugged, a little too casual. “Ever since the brownies incident – hell yeah.” 
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That conversation changed things – in the best way. 
It made both you and Jack more intentional about the time apart. More creative, more present. FaceTimes evolved into something more sacred, more playful. You started doing virtual date nights, much to Jack’s technologically-deficient chagrin.
“I can barely work this FaceCall thing, you want me to do what now?”, to which you’d rolled your eyes and corrected, “FaceTime,” while suppressing a grin.
He’d grumbled, but you caught the way he cleared his evenings anyway – made sure he wasn’t on call any earlier than he needed to be, made sure his dinner (mediocre and suspiciously not homemade) was ready on time. Despite the mismatched time zones, you both made space. You’d end up eating hours apart, but “together” nonetheless. And that was what mattered.
Six days before Jack was set to fly home, you had another one of these date nights. 
The screen flickered to life and there he was – tousled hair you wished you could run your fingers through, half-zipped hoodie you wished you could burrow into, sitting cross-legged on a too-modern couch that definitely didn’t belong to him. He held up a plastic takeout container like it was an offering.
“Dinner, courtesy of the fine culinary skills I’ve learned from you.” 
You raised a brow. “That looks suspiciously like pad Thai.” 
He shrugged. “Maybe I cooked. Maybe the DoorDash guy and I are becoming best friends.”  
You snorted, curling deeper under your blanket as you reached for the remote. “What’d you do yesterday?” 
Jack leaned back with a groan, the kind that said his spine hated him and the previous night had been long. “This guy came in with a ridiculous chest injury. We had to work carefully around the nerve endings in his nipple and – what?” 
He paused mid-sentence, catching the grin spreading across your face.
“Should I be jealous by how excited you just got talking about someone else’s nipples?” you teased.
Jack coughed, nearly choking on his water. “Jesus. It was a very complicated procedure. We had to be extremely precise.” 
“Oh, I’m sure his nipples were deeply moved by your devotion,” you grinned.
“You’re insufferable.” 
“And you miss it.” 
“Unfortunately,” he deadpanned, mouth twitching.
You smiled, feeling that familiar warmth settle into your chest. God, you missed his face. You missed his voice, his sarcasm, the way he looked at you like you hung up the moon. 
You squinted at the screen. “Is it just me or are you getting a tan?” 
Jack glanced down at his arms. “Well, the sun does shockingly exist here. Unlike your vampire den of a kitchen.” 
“I work best when the lights are dim, and you know that!” 
He smirked. “Sure. That explains why every time you call me from there, you look like you’re in a hostage video.” 
You groaned, tossing a throw pillow off your bed. “Well, not all of us can soak up some West Coast rays while also being a nipple whisperer. Guess you’re just built different.” 
“I regret telling you anything about that case.” 
You smirked as The Bachelor theme started playing faintly from your TV. You both fell quiet for a beat, comfortable. It had become your ritual – playing the show in the background, pretending to care about the drama, when really, it was just an excuse to sit in each other’s orbit for a while. 
Midway through the episode, Jack stood up and walked off-screen and came back holding something. You squinted.
“Is that… a bobblehead? Of an avocado… surfing?” 
Jack held it up proudly toward the camera like it was fine art. “Picked it up at a roadside stand. Guy said it was hand-painted by his seven-year-old niece.” 
“It’s so ugly,” you commented, grinning anyway. “I love it!”
He just laughed, setting it on the table behind him so its little bobblehead eyes stared into your soul for the rest of the call. And, his heart grew every time he caught you staring at it.
Later, you rolled onto your side, shifting your phone as you got more comfortable. The new angle must’ve shown more of the room, because Jack leaned in, eyes narrowing.
“You changed the bedroom.”
You panned the camera, shaking your head. “Just been sleeping on your side lately,” you admitted through flushed cheeks, before cutting him off when he smirked and parted his lips to speak. “Don’t! Don’t ask me why. Just helps me sleep better.” 
He didn’t make a joke. Just stared at you with that soft, unreadable look that always made your chest feel like it was going to burst open.
“I missed this view,” he said gently. His voice was low, almost reverent. “That room. That bed. You in it.”
You fiddled with the comforter. “It misses you. The vibe’s been different, though. Less broody. No angry sighs every time the neighbor’s dog barks.” 
“That dog is a demon,” Jack said, on instinct.
“You’re just grumpy when you’re tired,” you teased.
“And you’re grumpy when I’m not there for you to stick those frozen toes under my legs to warm them up.” 
You opened your mouth to retort, paused, then nodded. “Okay, that’s true.” 
Jack laughed.
The show was long forgotten now. All that mattered was the glow of your screens, the way his eyes didn’t leave yours, the way his voice softened like it always did when the night got quieter.
“What do you miss the most?” he asked, almost shy.
You hesitated, then said, “I miss you hogging the blanket.” That made Jack laugh, but you shook your head, insisting, “I’m serious. In like a stockholm syndrome-y way – I miss that. And other stuff, like you leaving all the lights on or waking me up at the stupid hours of dawn when you get back from a shift… The little stuff.” 
Jack nodded, smiling in that slow, aching way. “You know what I miss?” 
“What?” 
“Sitting at the island, watching you test out new recipes – make a mess of the kitchen like you’re on some Food Network competition.”  
You smiled, fond and aching. “That’s the only way I cook.” 
“I know,” he said. “I miss it. Miss you.” 
You let that settle between you. Let it warm you all the way through.
 “In six days, I’m gonna be stuck to you like velcro,” you murmured.
He quirked a brow. “Is that so?” 
You nodded. “And you’re not allowed to leave again, by the way. And if you do, you’re taking me in your go-bag.” You lifted your pinky finger toward the camera. “Promise.” 
Without hesitation, Jack raised his pinky to match yours. “Promise, baby.” 
And for a moment, across the glow of two tiny screens, it almost felt like he was already home.
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“Are you here yet?” you asked the second you picked up the FaceTime, barely able to contain the grin stretching across your face. The sounds of the kitchen clattered behind you, but your focus remained on the screen. On him.
Today was the day Jack was coming home and you were giddy with anticipation. 
“I am,” he replied, voice smooth, teasing, “but where are you?”
You groaned, “A last-minute catering order came in, so I had to stay late. Almost just brought the chef’s knife with me to work in the car and just sprint to Arrivals.”
Jack smirked, familiar and smug. “I don’t know how TSA would’ve taken that.” 
“But, I sent a good backup, huh?” 
Jack shifted the camera to the driver’s seat, where Robby sat, looking amused as he drove. “You’re lucky I’m easily bribable with food,” he said. “Picking him up on my day off was not part of the plan.” 
“Yeah, but you’d do it for the filet mignon these magic hands can make, right?” You wiggled your fingers at the screen, and Jack snorted.
“Oh, any day of the week,” Robby agreed, his grin cracking wider.
Jack turned the camera back to himself. He looked tired from the long travel day, but the way he looked at you—like he’d been waiting all day, or rather, six weeks, to see your face—made your chest ache.
You drank him in. Stubble. Black tee. Soft warmth creeping onto his features as he looked at you. 
“How was your flight?” you asked.
“You’re lucky I like you,” he replied, rubbing his jaw. “I just spent six hours sitting in front of a guy who kept stabbing at the screen like it wronged him personally. Kept me up the whole flight.”
From off-screen, Robby piped up, “Is that why you fell asleep on my shoulder in the first five minutes of the drive?” 
“Aww, is that true?” you cooed, and Jack immediately frowned, shaking his head. “Liar,” you accused with a knowing smile, before asking, “Are you close?”
“To your place?” You nodded. “I was gonna head home first, shower, sleep for a bit – ”
You were already shaking your head, correcting him, “No. You’re coming here first; not allowed to shower before you see me.”
Robby snorted, and Jack sighed in that over-it-but-not-really way before turning to his friend. “Can you drop me off at hers?” 
“Kinda already assumed,” Robby said, tapping the GPS. “Route’s set to her address.”
“How much longer?” you asked Robby, bouncing on your heels with impatient energy.
“Twenty-three minutes.”
You groaned, tugging off your apron. The clock on the wall ticked slowly, teasingly. “Can you be here already?” you whined at Jack, then paused as a mischievous glint sparked behind your eyes. “I’m ovulating and miss you being in my – ”
“Ohhhkay,” Robby cut in, clearly scarred and making your grin widen. Jack’s mouth twitched.
“I was going to say ‘arms.’ Sheesh, Jack, what kind of freaks do you work with?” you teased, grin widening as Jack broke into a full smile and aimed the camera at Robby, who groaned in defeat. 
“You’re gonna get me kicked out of this car, trouble,” Jack said, warmth bleeding into his voice at the nickname. Your chest squeezed, missing him.
Eleni walked into the office a moment later, waving at the screen. “Hey, Eleni,” Jack greeted.
“Hey,” she said, squinting. “Was that groaning I heard just now? You guys doing phone sex again or just emotionally scarring Robby?” 
“For the record, those things are not mutually exclusive,” Robby chimed in.
Eleni grinned, turning to you. “You heading out now?” 
You nodded. “Unless there’s something else – ”
She was already shaking her head. “Go. Get out of here. You’ve already cleaned the walk-in twice just waiting for Jack to land.” 
Jack perked up at that. “Aww, is that true?” he mocked, using your tone from earlier.
You glared at him, but before you could deny it, Eleni added, “She reorganized the grain bins, too!”
You were already grabbing your keys as Eleni ushered you toward the door. “Okay, I’ll see you when you get here,” you said to Jack. 
In a rare moment of vulnerability, he puckered his lips and blew you a kiss goodbye. You flushed, heart stuttering. 
“You’re getting soft on me, Abbot,” you teased.
“Pretty sure we’re way past that.”
The drive home was a blur; you could barely keep your concentration. Every red light felt like the universe was plotting against you; every slow pedestrian crossing the street made you want to scream. 
Your heart was hammering in your ears. You didn’t even remember pulling into the driveway, adrenaline surging. But the moment you caught sight of the front door – 
There he was.
Jack.
Standing at your front door in that familiar black tee, suitcase sitting on the porch as he fumbled with the spare key you’d given him. He was so focused on unlocking the door, he didn’t even hear your footsteps approaching.
“You know, for someone who saves lives for a living,” you called out, approaching him, “you’re really struggling with the concept of a lock.” 
Jack froze, then turned.
And then, a slow-spreading, lopsided smile that had lived on your phone screen for far too long was finally gracing you in person. 
“Well, maybe if someone didn’t have ten million locks on the door, we wouldn’t be in this situation,” he said, voice lower than usual, rougher in a way that made your stomach flip.
You crossed the distance in three strides. The key clattered onto his luggage as he let it fall.
And then you were in his arms. 
Not the thought of him. Not his voice through a screen. Not his pixelated smile or sleepy texts or pictures of his takeout. Him. Warm and solid and real.
His arms wrapped so tightly around you, it felt like he wouldn’t ever let go. And you didn’t want him to. You buried your face in his chest, breathing him in. 
“I forgot how good you smell,” you mumbled into his shirt. “Like middle seat and recycled plane air.” 
He tugged playfully at your ear, leaning back just enough for you to get a good look at him. Sun-kissed skin. Slight scruff that made your fingertips itch to trace it.
“You got more handsome. That’s annoying.” 
He raised a brow. “You’re only saying that because you’re ovulating.” 
“No,” you promised. “If I did, I would’ve already dragged you inside and ripped your clothes off – ”
He kissed you mid-sentence. Not hurried. Not desperate. Just… steady. Like he had all the time in the world, because now, he did.
When you finally pulled back, breath short, he rested his forehead against yours. “Missed you,” you said softly.
“Yeah,” he whispered, almost like it hurt. “Me too.” 
You leaned into him again, arms tightening, greedy now that you finally could be. “You’re never leaving again, right?” 
He chuckled, voice cracking just a little. “You going to chain me to the radiator?” 
You shrugged. “Tempting. I do own zip ties.” 
His laugh was full, unguarded, the sound of it seeping into your skin like sunlight. “Why don’t we save those for the bedroom, huh?” 
He leaned down again to kiss your cheek, your jaw, the corner of your mouth. And then he whispered, “Let’s go inside.” 
But neither of you moved. Not yet.
You’d waited this long.
What was one more minute in each other’s arms?
1K notes · View notes
plutoslastwords · 4 months ago
Note
I love ur baby Norris fic smmmm
Can you do one where she gets hurt or smth and Oscar is there to help her and he is the only one she wants to look after her xx
bring your kid to work day (gone wrong)
lando norris x daughter!reader, oscar piastri x norris!daughter!reader
summary: baby norris has an accident when visiting the mtc, who will she listen to? not her dad!
warnings: slight description of a broken wrist
w/c: 1.9k
a/n: ahh tysm for requesting! i hope you like it 😁 thank you everyone for so much love on lost and found <3 keep the requests coming!
~~~
Unfortunately, children were not technically allowed at the Mclaren Technology Centre. To make matters worse, the only random uni student Lando had found willing to look after his daughter for 8 hours for the next few days had cancelled. It didn’t help that Max F, Lando’s only friend currently living in London, was in Brazil either.
Therefore, Lando had no choice but to take you to the MTC with him, making special arrangements with Zak and Andrea that you’d be on your best behaviour, you were an angel! (Most of the time..)
That brings us to now, you are strapped in the backseat of Lando’s car, in your booster seat, as he drives to the MTC, babbling excitedly about what you’re going to do today. 
“Gonna see Osc, Daddy!” you squeal, evidencing your adoration for the Aussie driver, who for some reason you’ve been completely attached to since the moment he joined the team. It's quite strange if you think about it, the quiet, reserved Australian and the hyperactive, excitable 3 year old, but he too is very fond of you.
“Yeah, baby, you gonna give him a big hug?” Lando coos at your excitement, he finds it endearing how much you love Oscar, and it also gives him an excuse to put babysitting duties onto his teammate.
You nod rapidly in response to his question, then completely forgetting about Oscar and going on to chatter about something that had happened at nursery a couple days prior.
Soon enough, Lando pulls his car into the MTC’s carpack, jumping out and coming round to unbuckle you and haul you into his arms, giving you a soft kiss to the top of your head.
“You gonna be Daddy’s good girl, angel?” He asks as he walks into the building, bouncing you gently in his arms.
“Yes daddy!” You cheer in excitement, you were ecstatic to be able to visit your daddy’s work, your tiny face plastered with a massive grin.
“My best girl..” He murmurs as he greets some people with a small nod, making a beeline for his office, where you’ll stay whilst he works. He plops you down on the sofa that he has, grabbing your iPad from his bag and putting on a movie for you to watch.
“Okay baby, Daddy’s just going to go to a meeting, I won’t be long, if you need anything then Zak’s office is just next door, I love you my darling.” Too engrossed in your movie to speak, you simply nod and wave at him as he leaves.
In normal circumstances, Lando would never leave you completely by yourself for an extended period of time, but these were dire circumstances and he trusted that he knew enough people at Mclaren who would look out for you if you decided to pull an escaping act.
After about 20 minutes of watching your movie, you got bored, you had already seen this one before, and the songs weren’t as good when your daddy wasn’t singing them with you. You try to entertain yourself by playing some games that you have downloaded on your iPad, but even they did not give you the thrill and excitement that you need.
You remember in the car when your daddy said that Oscar was gonna be here today, but he hasn’t come to see you yet, a pout formed across your face at that realisation. Therefore, you climbed off the sofa, and decided to toddle around the MTC in search of the Australian driver.
With hindsight, Lando thinks that maybe he should’ve sent an email warning Mclaren employees that his daughter was going to make a guest appearance that day, because no one batted an eye as you wandered around the factory in search for Oscar.
You think you’re making progress, something in your 3 year old brain is telling you that Oscar is close, when you trip on your own feet, hurtling down to the floor right onto your wrist.
You let out a blood curdling screech, as pain shoots up your tiny wrist, immediately bursting into dramatic sobs, wailing as you sit on the floor clutching your arm. 
Luckily, you must have been blessed with the gift of prophecy, because as it so happens, Oscar was around this part of the building for his lunch break, stopping in his tracks when he heard your scream. Lando had said something about bringing you in this week… he thought, as he beelined to the source of the cries.
“Oh bug, what’s happened here!?” He exclaims worriedly, scooping you up into his arms as you continue to sob. You don’t make any coherent response, possibly something about your ‘wist’, but Oscar knows that you’re in pain and that is enough for him.
“Okay baby, I’m gonna get you to your daddy, okay?” He tries to put on his best soothing voice, but in reality he is slightly panicking as he holds his teammate's daughter in a bundle in his arms whilst she cries her eyes out.
You shake your head furiously at that, hot tears still rolling down your little face, “Don’t want daddy!!” You screech, your daddy had left you! You just wanted Oscar.
Oscar doesn’t really know what to do, and your screams will soon start to attract attention, so he can’t just be standing in the middle of the hallway doing nothing. He brushes his free hand over the top of your head, trying to calm you down with a soothing motion as he coos soft words at you, “Shh, baby, ‘M not gonna do anything you don’t want me to, breathe sweetheart…”
He decides his best bet is to first bring you back to his office, and calling Lando from there, he knows he’s got some ice in there that he can put on your small wrist, which is quickly swelling and turning a purplish colour, which he decides is probably not a good sign.
Still whispering sweet words to you, he takes your sobbing form to his office, gently sitting you on his own couch and putting some ice on your wrist, cooing soothing words as you complain about the cold.
He then grabs his phone, quickly dialing Lando’s number. “Hey mate, you think you could come to my office, gotta slight problem here…”
Ever the protective dad, Lando immediately picks up on your wails from the other end of the line, “What the fuck is going on?!? I- I’m on my way.” He hangs up before Oscar can explain that no, he has not intentionally harmed his daughter.
In a matter of seconds, much quicker than his usual pace, Oscar notes, Lando is in his office, kneeling at your side. “Angel, what happened? Tell daddy what happened, where does it hurt?” He shoots questions at you.
You just shake your head at him, reaching your good arm for Oscar.
Oscar stands there awkwardly, stuck between his teammate’s betrayed expression and your sweet, sad, big, adorable eyes… he gives in, coming to sit next to you and pulling you into his lap.
“You gonna tell me and your daddy what happened, sweet girl?” He asks softly, smoothing your hair over.
Through hiccups and sobs you manage a few words “T-Tripped! Wrist is sore…” you sniffle, snuggling into Oscar’s lap.
“Your wrist, baby?” Lando asks, “Can you show daddy?”
You just hide your face in Oscar’s chest, shaking your head, and Lando just looks at Oscar slightly helplessly, his own daughter won’t even talk to him…
“You gotta show your daddy otherwise it won’t get better, sweetheart…” Oscar murmurs to you, feeling pity on Lando.
You sniffle but reluctantly pull out your wrist from where you’ve been hiding it from under the ice to show Lando, who has to suppress a gasp - for your sake - at how bad it really is. Oscar’s eyes widen also, as he exchanges a glance with Lando about what they are going to have to do.
Oscar, gently places his hands over your little ears, “You think you should take her to the hospital…? It looks broken…” Lando just nods grimly, the hospital was not his favourite place as a kid and since you’re practically his carbon copy he doesn’t think you’ll be a massive fan either. 
“Angel, daddy’s gonna take you to the doctor’s, okay?” Lando says as soothingly as possible as Oscar releases your ears, “They’re gonna make it all better and then it won’t hurt anymore, I promise..”
You think about it for a moment, you’re not a massive fan of the idea, but your wrist is really sore, and if your daddy is saying that they’re gonna make it better…
“Oscar come.” You decide. Oscar releases a strangled noise of surprise from his throat, and Lando’s eyebrows raise slightly.
“You want Oscar to come..?” He asks, you just nod, your mind was made up and there was no altering your decision. “I- baby, Oscar is very busy, he probably doesn’t have the time to come to the doctors, but daddy will be there, okay?”
You glare at him.
“I- uhm, I don’t mind coming if it’s gonna make her happy..” Oscar interrupts the one sided glaring match that you’re having with your dad.
“Really? I don’t want to disrupt your day, mate, I mean she’s already taken enough of your time today…” Lando starts.
“No, no, I’m sure, I could use a break from work anyway.” You grin at that, like you had never even broken your wrist at all, as long as Oscar was coming with you to the doctors.
So that is how Lando and Oscar ended up at the local emergency room, Lando holding you tightly whilst you grumbled something about wanting to be with Oscar. Either the lady working the desk recognised them and was too starstruck to deny them a doctor, or she saw your grumpy face and decided she didn’t want a screaming child in the waiting room and immediately got you to see a doctor. 
After an x-ray it was determined that yes, your wrist was broken, which broke Lando’s heart, his poor, sweet, girl…
Luckily, the break wasn’t that bad, and you were able to leave a couple hours later with a new, blue cast, as per your request. You had given up on your short lived resentment for your dad, and were snuggled up into his chest as Oscar drove you all back to the MTC. When you arrived, Lando spoke up;
“You gonna say thank you to Oscar for looking after you, darling?”
You wriggle out of his arms, running over to Oscar and wrapping your arms around his leg, “Thank you!” You giggle, the Doctor had given you a light dose of pain relief, so you were no longer screaming about your wrist.
“That’s okay sweetheart, you be careful, okay?” He cooed, you really were adorable. 
“Thanks, mate” Lando smiled at Oscar, scooping you back up, ready to get you home. Oscar smiled back.
The way back was funnily quite similar to the way there, you talked Lando’s ear off the entire time about just how much you loved Oscar!
~~~
a/n: thank you for reading! send in any requests you have xx
1K notes · View notes
the-most-humble-blog · 4 months ago
Text
HIVE CITY FESTIVAL EXTRAVAGANZA – WHERE DIGNITY GETS BURIED IN A SHALLOW GRAVE 🍖⚙️
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"Bring your Thrones, your questionable morals, and your complete lack of regard for human safety! Because if you don’t, we’ll have one of our rusty servitors throw your ass into an oven with a carrot shoved straight up your rectum."
🍖 1. CORPSE-STARCH COOK-OFF – WHERE EVERY BITE TASTES LIKE A LABOR VIOLATION 🍽️☠️
💀 Tagline: "If you can still chew, you’re either lucky or heavily augmented."
🔹 What’s on the "menu" (read: crimes against digestion)?
Reprocessed Nutrient Ration Blocks – Freshly extruded from the Administratum’s most aggressive recycling program!
Fried "Grox" Nuggets – A legally distinct meat product! (Warning: DNA testing not recommended.)
Arbites Surprise Stew – It’s called "Surprise" because you won’t know if it’s food or a missing person’s case!
💡 Festival Highlights:
"Guess The Meat" Challenge – If you guess it right, you get a free extra ration. If you guess it wrong, you get a citation for heresy and a punch to the gut!
Deep-Fried Horror Show – If it fits in the fryer, it gets served. Bring your enemies! Bring your servitors! Bring your own damn foot!
Hive Chef Deathmatch – Can YOU create a meal so rancid it physically incapacitates a rival chef? First one to pass out loses!
📢 ATTENDEE WARNING: All meals are legally classified as "edible" but not "safe." If your esophagus melts, that’s a YOU problem.
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🤖 2. SERVITOR REFURBISHMENT EXPO – WHERE BROKEN MEATBAGS BECOME "PRODUCTIVE CITIZENS" 🛠️☠️
💀 Tagline: "Still got a heartbeat? Fixable. Screaming in agony? Also fixable."
🔹 Services Offered (Totally Not War Crimes):
"Barely Legal" Cogitator Rewiring – Does your servitor "accidentally" remember its past life? We’ll fix that—by lobotomizing it so hard its last thought is static.
Cybernetic Bargain Bin – We’ve got prosthetics, augmetics, and the occasional random limb. No, we don’t care if it matches your skin tone. It works, shut the fuck up.
"Last-Chance Reboot" Station – If your servitor is making weird noises, we’ll “fix” it by welding its mouth shut. Boom. Problem solved.
💡 Festival Highlights:
Rust Bucket Swap Meet – Trade your half-dead servitor for one that’s only slightly haunted!
Best-Looking Monstrosity Contest – Winner gets a lifetime supply of oil rations and a half-functional chainsword!
Live Servo-Skull Auction – Some whisper tactical secrets, some just scream. Either way, you’re getting a deal!
📢 WARNING: All servitors are sold "as is." If your new model starts leaking coolant or reciting Imperial poetry at 3 AM, we don’t wanna hear about it.
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🦠 3. NURGLE’S BACK-ALLEY BUFFET – FOOD THAT’S TECHNICALLY ALIVE 🤢🧫
💀 Tagline: "You don’t eat this food. This food eats you."
🔹 What’s on the menu (besides impending diarrhea and an Inquisitorial investigation)?
Spore-Fermented Grox Sausage – Now with 80% less spontaneous combustion!
Nurgle’s "Secret Sauce" Casserole – Chunky. Lumpy. Makes your insides rot faster than a hive factory worker’s lungs.
Warp-Fried Maggot Delight – Every bite is an "experience!" (Translation: You’re gonna see some shit. Literally.)
💡 Festival Highlights:
"What’s That Smell?" Game – Hint: It’s either an unwashed servitor or something that used to be human.
Plague Roulette – Eat a dish. If you live, you win. If you don’t, well… welcome to the Grandfather’s loving embrace!
Stomach Purge Olympics – Who can hold down their meal the longest? Place your bets!
📢 LEGAL NOTICE: All food items contain at least three unidentifiable ingredients. If it gives you an extra limb, you get to keep it.
⚙️ 4. IMPERIAL REJECTS AUCTION – BUY USED WAR GEAR AND HOPE FOR THE BEST 🔧🔫
💀 Tagline: "Weapons so janky, even the Guard said ‘nah’ to using them."
🔹 What’s up for grabs?
Battle-Damaged Bolt Pistols – You ever seen a gun backfire so hard it turns into a grenade? No? You will.
Half-Repaired Chain Swords – Still got bits of the last guy stuck in the teeth. Authentic!
Mystery Servo-Skulls – Might scream, might recite the Emperor’s Litany, might tell you where the bodies are buried!
💡 Festival Highlights:
Best Jury-Rigged Weapon Contest – If it fires without killing the user, you win!
Arbites Raid Speedrun – Can you make a sale before the cuffs snap shut?
Mystery Crate Raffle – Could be relics. Could be junk. Could be a pissed-off servitor who just remembered how to kill. Good luck!
📢 WARNING: If your purchase malfunctions and vaporizes your own skull, that’s on YOU.
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🩸 5. THE RED MARKET – "GENUINELY ACQUIRED" ORGANS & AUGMENTS 🚑🦴
💀 Tagline: "If it still bleeds, it’s still fresh!"
🔹 What’s for sale?
Lightly-Used Kidneys – Perfect for replacing your own, or for starting a collection!
Discount Augmetics – Once belonged to a noble—before he had a "falling accident."
Imperial Guard "Donations" – They didn’t "quit" the battlefield, but they’re definitely not using these anymore!
💡 Festival Highlights:
Lung Capacity Showdown – Who can survive the longest with only one lung?
Surprise DNA Testing – Is your new organ human? Roll a D6 to find out!
"Genuine" Clone Flash Sale – Buy it, raise it, and hope it doesn’t eat you in your sleep!
📢 NOTICE: No, we will NOT be issuing refunds if your new liver starts whispering in High Gothic at night.
WHICH HIVE CITY FESTIVAL ARE YOU ATTENDING?
🔥 REBLOG if you’d risk your life for a good deal! 💬 COMMENT with which cursed meal or reject servitor you’d buy! 🚀 FOLLOW for more grimdark horrors, disgusting markets, and Warhammer meme depravity!
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custardtartsfan · 4 months ago
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Jason Todd head canons that have accumulated over time
many thoughts about the boy constantly rattle around my brain and i would like to share them ദ്ദി(ᵔᗜᵔ) nothing hanky panky ish for i do not like to think about that
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general bullshit ᝰ.ᐟ
he doesnt trust modern technology. he has a Motorola razr. no he will not upgrade, stop asking
has VERY messy hand writing. straight chicken scratch. barley legible
smoked during his late teens (post resurrection period, he was going through it). tried quitting in his early twenties, he bought a menthol flavour geek bar but threw it out cause Roy made fun of him
it wasnt even one of the cool ones with a screen. smh
he has a weird nostalgic affection for the thrift
it reminds him of being a kid, in the rare moments that his mother was sober enough to take him somewhere. and it was nice, his mom was conscious, all was well
and he could get whatever he wanted! he wanted a toy? sure bud, its only a dollar. why the hell not?
he recently walked into a Goodwill and damn near burst an artery when he looked at the tag on a pair of pants. it was NOT like this back in his day
his hair is like wavy, like not curly but wavy. however, he has no idea how to really care for it. shits dry is what im saying
i think hes very competitive about stupid shit
not like he gets pissy about mario kart, he will race you to see who can fold their socks the fastest
largest of the batfam. vertically and horizontally. hes a beefy dude. a brick shithouse
i think hes also the kind of dude that needs to know someone very well before he could consider dating them. id even go as far to say hes somewhere on the aro spectrum
i think he has a very high spice tolerance. like youll pry his siracha out of his cold re-dead hands. he LOVES African curry (yes this one is based off me) thats like his perfect kind of spice
back to his hatred of technology, he collects cds to listen to instead of streaming
he has one of those hip disk players with the headphones. Red Hood has been seen with a walkman
also hates tv, but will watch the news willingly. he will sit down and watch Wolf Blitzer of his own accord
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romantic (୨୧• ꒳ •)=:♡
remember when i said he has the handwriting of an 18 month old toddler? yea well thats a little unfortunate cause he LOVES leaving notes for his lover. when he has to slip out the window for a job in the middle of the night, he writes a little note - “had to take care of something, be back soon. with bagels. love, Jay :)” but its written so janky his lover is spending the whole time hes gone trying to decipher it
dont tell him that though, he might cry
hes not a talker particularly. words tend to come out wrong in his experience. instead, he likes gifts acts of service to show you he cares
shopping with him and youre eying a particular top for a while? guess what’s mysteriously appeared in your laundry basket
lowq doesn’t have motion though..soo it might have been Bruce card. but honestly? money is money who gaf
what he occasionally lacks in funds he makes up for in willingness to let you do whatever you want to him
he will waddle after you in sephora, freaking out the occasional employee cause holy FUCK who invited the punisher, letting you swatch whatever you want on his hand
if you’re concerned about the milk in the fridge being yuck, give it to him to taste. he’ll let you know
there is no mountain to high, no dubious forgotten leftover too unhappy looking
cannot cook for SHIT. but he loves to eat
he will mention wanting food and stare at you longingly until you go to the kitchen
hes not gonna be playing fortnite while you’re cooking though, he can chop stuff. you may not want him within 50 feet of a place where food is prepared but he will offer
bless his heart
runs hot like a furnace. probably because hes a large meaty boy
he will grumble like a pensioner when you tuck yourself into his chest at night when its cold, but we both know damn well hes gonna be giggling and kicking his steel toed boots when he tells Roy about it later
he had pretty mixed, strewing negative opinions, about his little white tuft of hair at the front. hes tried cutting it, it grew back the same. he bought box dye, it doesnt take. so hes stuck with it. and he cant say hes happy about it
until you came along, all full of love and life, telling him you loved it. you though it framed his face perfectly and suited him great. you and your fancy affection fuck you
(he was cheesing for hours)
okay lets get sad now
hes got BADD anxiety about hurting you without meaning to. its a reasonable concern, hes a big dude. and these hands dont do a lot of cradling as a rule, more beating heads in
he needs to be reassured, but would rather roll around in broken glass then swim in lemonade than let that be known. hes more of a stare at you until you sooth him
he likes to be kissed and cuddled and cared for. so what? hes only incredibly ashamed. it doesnt matter how many times you re iterate that he has no reason to be, hes a stubborn bitch
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thats all ive got! i hope you enjoyed reading my real time jason todd related word association. most of these were typed in a fury on the mobile web app on the subway so..if the formatting is yucky thats up to god (-.-;)y-~~~
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flamingpudding · 10 months ago
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Little Snippets #2
Danny was having a shit day. The kind of day you would wake up and just know things would go so wrong that just rolling over and continuing to sleep would make it somehow better. Alas Danny had gotten up, which to be fair sleeping in the rafters of an abandoned warehouse didn't give much choice, and his day had gone down hill from there.
Which was why he was currently laying in an dirty alley one leg over a tumbled over trash bin his other on some trash bags that did not cushion his fall. His elbow tingled with that weird pain when you hit a nerve and he was pretty sure he had now more than just a cracked rip. Seriously, he hated that he had lost his transformation midair and crashed down because the damned GIW somehow got their hands on Vlads taser technology.
But the weird part was that wasn't even the worst or best part.
Danny dizzily stared at the old man that stood between him in all his fallen glory and the GIW agents. The old man stood there straight well mannered a paper bag, his apparent shopping in one arm and a hand gun -an actual hand gun, Danny had to do a double take to used to the laser guns from his parents and the GIW- pointed at the agents.
The old man said something about having different morals and that he wouldn't hesitate to shot as well as regretting not having his shotgun right now, but honeslty Danny was kind of too shocked to really listen to what the old man was saying.
Seriously, maybe Danny should still have just rolled over and continued to sleep in the warehouse rafters. But he had to admit the old man was kind of badass.
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esote-rika · 6 months ago
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derision as prelude to desire | Spencer Reid
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Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Waldorf!Reader
Category: smut 18+ MDNI, fluff if you squint
Summary: Spencer Reid’s new coworker is mean but one night doing overtime together leads to the two of them bonding.
Content: glasses!Spencer, workplace rivals if you squint, Spencer Reid vs technology, reader is kind of mean and based on Blair Waldorf (in background, looks, and personality), Spencer is petty, his mind is in the GUTTER, use of eye drops, making out, sub!Spencer, fingering, oral (male receiving), whining and begging glasses!Spencer. Let’s pretend the BAU doesn’t have any CCTV cameras for this one m’kay thanks
Word count: 3.6k
A/N: This is an ITCH in my brain, like I’ve been thinking about a Spencer Reid x Blair Waldorf crackship since August last year it’s actually concerning. One of my favorite ship dynamics is loser boy x popular girl, so it makes sense. Still in second person to make it immersive. This isn’t a crossover, so there will be no spoilers for Gossip Girl. The reader's personality, looks and background are just based on Blair. Let me know if you want to read more of this dynamic because I have so many ideas for it oh my god. I hope you enjoy it!
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Spencer Reid often muses on the series of events that had brought you from the streets of the Upper East Side to work in Quantico, Virginia. It would be easy to ask, of course, or even have Penelope do a quick background check on you, but he’s made a game of it instead, piecing together what he knows of your history, filling in the blanks of what would have gone wrong, what decisions you would have taken, in order to leave the privileged life you led and enter public service.
As far as he had been concerned, you don’t belong anywhere near the FBI, let alone the BAU. Spoiled, rich, with a mean streak he is all too familiar with from his time in school.  
He had been so sure you wouldn’t fit in when you first joined the team. You had been, and continue to be, perfectly made, every single hair shiny and curled just so, heels always so shiny and matching whatever designer bag you have slung over your shoulder. Everything about you screams high maintenance, and his profiler instincts point to several things: uncooperative, wants everything handed to you, ditzy.
But then you had shown your cards, had proved his assessment so wrong and he could never forgive you for the sting of that defeat.
It doesn’t help that you seem to enjoy riling him up as well. Every case is an opportunity to one up him, an attempt to claim his spot and it’s unfair. You already have everything, yet you still refuse to yield the title of team genius to him, the one thing he can cling to, the thing he knows is his. 
He is still glowering today, four months into your employment, passive aggressively hitting the keys on his keyboard. He’s a slow typist, and he’d agreed to write Morgan’s reports for him this week, a favor between friends he’s now beginning to regret. You are the only one keeping him company. The rest of the team has already left hours ago, but you’re typing away at your desk, fingers flying through the keyboard without even a glance. His own skills seem laughable in comparison, going at the keys one by one, with the speed of an old grandparent squinting over a typewriter instead of a man in his twenties. 
“Take a picture, Reid, it’ll last longer.”
He blinks, forcing his eyes back to the monitor. “You’re so original.” he mutters, pushing his glasses up to nestle on top of his head. He rubs his eyes, already despising the glare of the screen.
“Aw, what, the genius can’t handle a little blue light?”
He doesn’t bother with a response, blinking at the screen instead. The sooner he can get this done, the sooner he can leave. Sounds of tapping keys fill the air again, but he stops after a few moments again, rubbing at his eyes. He hears a sigh, and then your voice again, haughty but somehow concerned.
“You’re not supposed to rub your eyes, it makes it worse.” 
“I know,” he grumbles, “I don’t need you lecturing me about the importance of eye health.”
“It seems like you do, since you’re still doing it.” you reply derisively. He’d be rolling his eyes if he isn’t too busy rubbing them.
“Here,” you say, “Catch.”
Confused, he lifts his head, only to flinch as something hurls right at him. “What-” it hits his desk, then bounces off.
“Oh, look what you’ve done, genius.”
“You threw it at me.” his lips are pulled into a tight line of disapproval, “A head’s up would have been nice.”
“I did, genius, I said catch. You just have the reflexes of an eighty year old.” your voice is tinged with annoyance.
To his surprise, you’re up and walking to his desk, heels echoing in the empty bullpen. He watches as you gingerly kneel on the ground, bending down, and his eyes grow wide. The image of you bent down like this is surprisingly enticing, your skirt straining against the soft curve of your hips, hair falling down your shoulders like a curtain of the night sky. You’ve gotten close enough that he can smell your perfume, something citrusy and clean, and he subconsciously leans closer.
Mouth dry, he manages to croak out, “What are you doing?”
“Trying to find the damn eye drops.” you snap, an arm extending towards him and for a moment he holds his breath, waiting for contact. Instead, you grab something from the ground, “There it is.” 
He watches as you straighten, lifting your torso upright, but still kneeling in front of him. An image flashes through his mind, your face between his thighs, those large eyes staring up at him, but he banishes it quickly lest his thoughts begin to stir his body. 
“Here, these should help.” You say, finally standing back up and placing the tiny bottle on his desk. A filthy part of him wishes you’d get back on your knees. He catches the tilt of your head, the confusion in your eyes, “Reid. Are you still with me? Has your brain finally short circuited from all those statistics?”
Oh his brain is short circuiting, all right, just from a different cause.
“I’m - yeah.” he replies, and then he rattles off the first thought his frazzled mind could come up with, “Did you know some people have used eye drops as a method for murder? Not these ones, but there are specific brands that contain—”
“Tetrahydrozoline,” you finish for him, “Yeah, I know.”
He blinks. There you go again, proving your intellect, your value, somehow matching his even though he’s pretty sure you are no genius, not in the same way he is. Still, perhaps it’s the late night, or your offer of relief, but the sting of being bested doesn’t resonate tonight. A softer feeling unfurls in his chest, something warm and addictive, something like understanding. He smiles, “That’s right.”
You nod, curls spilling over your shoulders again, “Mhm. Well… These are for your eyes, I’m not trying to poison you.”
“Wouldn’t put it past you.”
A scoff, “Please, I’m not dumb enough to attempt murder in the office.”
His brows lift and he finds himself grinning, “So you’ve thought about it?”
“I will neither deny nor confirm.” you’re smiling now too, and he lets his eyes roam over the pretty lines of your face, memorizing how lovely you look in this moment, guards lowered and smiling at him with ease. He thinks he sees something flash in those pretty eyes of yours but he’s not sure. Reading people has never been his strong suit, regardless of his profession.
“Come on, I’ll help you.” you gesture at his glasses, and he immediately obeys, pushing it back up to nestle on his hair. He holds his breath as you come closer, bites his lips when your hand comes to his chin. It’s soft, unbelievably gentle, and you tilt his head back. From this angle, he can see the way your lashes curl, the soft hint of shimmer swept across your lids. Eyeshadow, he remembers from what Penelope and JJ have told him, and it highlights the shape of your eyes, making them appear brighter.  
He blinks as coolness hits his eye, and then you’re tilting his head to the other side, and he’s trying not to panic, trying not to be a creep, but in reality, he hasn’t been this close, this intimate to a woman in so long that it’s messing up his ability to inhale, to think, to function. Your hair flutters gently around his face, and the scent of citrus is stronger now, heady, and he feels so light headed he’s afraid he’ll faint.
The same coolness hits the other eye, and before you can pull away, before he can think it through, he’s curling his own hand over your wrist. He lifts it up, pressing a kiss to the inside of your palm, admonishing any thoughts of germs and bacteria, and instead relishing at the tender flesh beneath his lips. He kisses your palm again, lips gently tracing the lines, before moving down to the inside of your wrist, before pausing.
He dares to peer up, waiting for a reprimand, a cutting sentence that would have him lashing back at you, but there’s none. There it is again, the flicker in your eyes, and now he finally knows the word to attach to it: desire.
He kisses the inside of your wrist again, and feels you pulse fluttering beneath his lips. Fast, to his surprise, almost matching the quick succession of thudding in his chest. 
“Reid,” you whisper, and he waits again, allows you time to pull away. You don’t, but he’s apprehensive now, afraid he’s crossed a boundary. He definitely has, but he would do it again if you express the desire to do so, to tumble into whatever this is with him. He just needs confirmation, one verbal acknowledgement that you want this too, because he doesn’t trust his ability to read you yet, not when he’s spent so much time despising you.
But you’re just looking at him, and the embarrassment is almost painful. His cheeks heat up, and he drops your hand.
“I’m sorry.” he murmurs, sinking back on his seat. He’s about to turn to his monitor, intent to forget about this, forget everything even though his memory would make that impossible, but he finds his face being tilted up again, cradled between impossibly soft hands, and then there’s lips against his own, your lips, oh god you are kissing him.
He wraps his arms around your waist, following the movement of your mouth to the best of his limited ability. Your teeth dig into his bottom lip and he lets out an involuntary whimper, his body jerking at the sting. He feels you smiling against his mouth, cocky even in the midst of a kiss, in the midst of the most heated kiss he’s had since - since - he can’t even remember her, the brief dalliance he had with an actress once upon a time, because all he can think of is your mouth, and your hands, nails scratching at his scalp, and every single thought is expelled from his mind when you climb on his lap.
“God,” he moans in between kisses, his breaths ragged, but he would gladly drown in you before stopping.
“Not god,” you correct him and nip at his lower lip with more force this time.
“Mhm.” he whines, and kisses you again, shifting so you’re more comfortable on his lap. He wonders if the chair is creaking from your combined weight, but then you’re grinding directly on his cock and he’s lost in a haze of white hot pleasure. 
Apparently, Spencer Reid cannot multitask, because his lips fall slack as you grind against his hardening cock. Your laughter tinkles in his ear, before your mouth latches on his jaw, down his neck, open and wet and sticky. He knows you said you aren’t god, and he’s never been religious, but he swears this must be heaven. Fitting too, in the same way he’s never thought he’d reach some place he doesn’t even believe in, he’s also never thought he would have you—beautiful, infuriating, untouchable you—grinding on his lap with a desperation that borders frenzy.
Recognizing that your need burns you just as his is making him reckless, he manages to whisper, “Tell me— tell me what to do. How do I make you feel good?”
You giggle, taking one of his hands away from your waist and leading it under your skirt. The fabric has bunched up over your thighs, and he grips the smooth flesh greedily. But you have other ideas, and he’s eager to learn, so he lets you move his hand higher, until the tips of his fingers brush against moist fabric.
His mouth goes dry. You’ve soaked through your panties. 
“Like this?” he dips his fingers past the lace, his mouth falling open at the slick that’s gathered at your core. You have your face buried at his neck, lips and tongue still assaulting the tender skin there, but he feels you nod, feels the shudder that runs through you, and he takes those as a good sign. His touch is exploratory, gentle, fueled by an intoxication over the fact that you’re here and you’re enjoying it, you’re making those sounds for him. 
He’s awestruck rather than cocky, and when he slides his fingers into your pussy, he’s immediately trying to figure out a rhythm that would draw out those pretty noises from your lips. When he finds it, he sticks to it, greedily drinking in your moans, no matter how muffled they are against his neck.
There’s a sense of degeneracy to this whole thing. Fingering his coworker in the office, right there on his desk, he could get fired should this get out, they both could. Still, he’s never truly had anyone want him so unabashedly and he simply cannot stop. You had been the one to kiss him, after all, the lines in the sand had been completely trampled by the time you had climbed on his lap. 
“You feel so good,” you whisper, and he feels you move, riding his hand shamelessly, and he has to bite your shoulder to keep himself from whining again. The sight alone nearly undoes him, and you’ve barely done anything. He’s been actively providing you with stimulation this whole time, fucking you with his fingers relentlessly, and somehow, he wouldn’t change a single thing. 
“Yeah?” he asks, pupils blown wide, wanting, needing the assurance that he’s doing good, he’s making you feel good.
“Yes, oh fuck, yes!” your voice grows sharper as he curls his fingers with every thrust. After a few moments of fumbling with your panties, his thumb presses against your clit and he’s rewarded by another groan from you. 
He draws figure eights against your slick core, finding a rhythm that has you tugging at his hair wildly, and he’s whispering into your ear, pleading, “That’s it, please come for me, please, let me see how good you feel, please, please—”
“Spencer!” you groan, and then you’re shuddering in his lap, and his fingers down to his knuckles are wet with your slick. 
He grins, helping you through your orgasm, pressing kisses to your hair, the FBI issued office chair creaking so much he’s afraid the two of you would break it if you don’t stop. The image is hilarious in its absurdity, making his grin widen, and you must have taken it for arrogance because he feels a slight smack on his shoulder.
“Don’t get cocky.” you mutter.
He takes you in, the flushed cheeks and hazy eyes, mascara now smudged along your lash lines, and he’s reverential instead of arrogant, grateful that he has brought someone so stunning and capable to the throes of pleasure, has taken you apart so much you’ve ruined your normally perfect facade. 
“You’re beautiful.” he tells you, his own eyes glistening with an unfocused daze. You roll your eyes and shake your head, and he’s seized with a desire to keep you hear and bury his fingers inside you over and over again until you believe him.
“Your turn.” You chuckle, hands unwinding from his neck and travelling down the length of his abdomen, coming to the buckle on his belt.
“Wait, I—uh,” he turns beet red once again, clearing his throat, “Are you on the pill? I don’t have—”
You tilt your head, as if the idea of a man walking around without a condom is foreign. Perhaps it is, but Spencer simply never assumed he would have any use for it. He turns away, teeth worrying his lower lip, but you pull his face to you again.
“I have hands.” you say as you resume undoing his pants. You shift, then slink away from him, and he whines at the loss of your warmth, but he sees you on your knees once again, and this time it’s not just his brain making up lewd, inappropriate thoughts, “And a mouth.”
“Y-you really don’t have to.”
“I know,” you grin, pretty as the devil and twice as tempting, and as your hands wrap around his engorged length, thumb circling at the tip, “But how can I not, when you’re this pretty?”
He blacks out, he swears he does, there’s no way this isn’t a perverted dream, no way that you’re actually stroking up and down his throbbing cock. Somehow he comes to, only to feel a warmth, a wetness, enveloping the swollen tip, and his hips buck up instinctively. He whines when your hands push at his thighs, holding him in place. 
“Please,” he gasps, babbles, really, “Please, oh god, that feels so good.” 
You take him further down and he throws his head back so violently the glasses slip past his ears and clatter onto the floor. He feels your laughter vibrating against his cock and it almost has him keening. He whines, wriggles against your hold with no real desire to break free. He finds that likes the force of your hands on him, nails leaving harsh indents on his flesh as he struggles. The pain is delicious, heightening his already frazzled senses.
You bob your head up and down, your hair swaying gently, and he manages to will his hands to move, gathering the soft tresses in his hand so they won’t impede your movement. Your eyes flicker up, meet his own, and he swears there’s a thank you in the glint of them. He cannot do anything else. 
Slack jawed, he watches you hollow your cheeks, saliva dripping down the sides of your mouth as you give him the best head he’s ever experienced. Never mind that it’s his first one, and that he doesn’t have a point of comparison. He’s convinced this is the best, you are the best, and he’s never been more thankful for his eidetic memory until this night, knowing that he cannot, will never, ever forget the way you look as you knelt down and sucked his cock like you were being paid to do it. 
“God, you’re so pretty, oh my god, yes, just like that, please, please, yes.” he’s aware that he’s whining, and there’s an amused twinkle in your eye that tells him he would never hear the end of this after. 
He knows you well enough to know that you would dangle this over his head any chance you get, that you aren’t above playing dirty. Instead of dread, it makes his stomach roil with another gush of desire, and he knows that that is even more concerning than whatever you were going to do.
(It never occurs to him to do the same, that he could tease you back and point out that he has had you on your knees and sucking on his cock like you were made for it simply because his brain cannot fathom ever associating the sight of you kneeling before him as something to be ashamed of.)
He’s drawn from his thoughts as he feels your hands cupping his balls, stimulating an entirely new area that has him thrusting up. He feels his cock brush against the back of your throat, and he pulls back immediately, eyes wide with worry as you gag around his length.
“Oh god, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, baby you can stop if—”
But you do it again, soldiering past your gag reflex and taking him all the way, and he can hear someone saying oh fuck oh fuck I’m cumming agh, please, I’m cumming, and he thinks its his own voice but he’s unsure. His eyes are squeezed shut, colors exploding behind his lids as he feels your tongue swirling over and over his sensitive cock, before the cool air surrounds it, telling him you’ve stopped completely.
When he opens his eyes, you have your head on his thigh, cheek pressed against the fabric, a lazy smile on your ruined lips.
“God,” he whispers, reaching for you, wanting you close, “That was—wow, you—come here, please.”
He watches as a flicker of surprise flits over your face, before you mask it with a giggle, “Good?” you murmur, tucking his soft cock into his pants before climbing on his lap again.
“Incredible.” He holds you tight, your slick only half dry on his fingers, the taste of him still on your tongue, “You’re incredible.”
You’re quiet, contemplative, and he presses a kiss to your neck, wanting to bring you out of whatever funk you’ve gone into, “Hey, what is it?” He’s almost terrified of the answer, worried you would pull away and leave him cold.
“I just didn’t think you’d be a cuddler.” you reply, eventually sinking into his arms. Your voice is soft when you say, “Most men aren’t.”
The thought of her having experiences doesn’t bother him; it’s the fact that they callously left her after that makes him tighten his hold on her. “I’m sorry.”
“For the entirety of shitty men? You’d need more apologies than that,” you chuckle, fingers absently curling into his hair, “But thank you. This is— this is nice.”
“It is,” Spencer nods, leaning into your touch, eyes shut.
“You lost your glasses.”
“I did.”
Your laughter fills the air, “Hey, are you sleepy? You still have Morgan’s reports to finish.”
His eyes flutter open, a sheepish smile on his lips, “Why’d you have to remind me?”
“Because the sooner you finish it, the sooner we can do this again.”
Spencer laughs, kissing your shoulder as he relents, “All right, all right.” That’s more than enough incentive to brave staring at the monitor again.
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