#testosterone voice

[genderkoolaid]

the thing that's so annoying about the state of the Trans Discourse here is that anti-transfem transmisogny and anti-transmasculinity both contribute to making trans people unwelcome unless we are deemed close enough to cis women. countless trans men & mascs & FTX people have had the experience of being alienated or directly kicked out of queer spaces for being too male/masc. but people have this absolutist perspective that this must be an experience ONLY had by trans people assigned male & that trans people assigned female are only ever read as feminine and female in the exact same way cis women are. because if we acknowledge that then maybe we'd have to acknowledge how trans (& intersex & GNC) people are demonized in relation to our real or percieved masculinity and maleness

[scriptlgbt]

I have a deaf trans character who went completely deaf in his teens. He is on T. Is it normal for him to be very conflicted on how he sounds to people? Would he be scared, especially when he starts passing more because the voice in his head will always be his old voice? Would he try to ask people to describe exactly how his voice sounds? Is it okay if he really wants a 'cure' due to this and never cared before he came out? Doesn't actually get the cure though.

I'm hard of hearing so my qualifications for answering this are limited. I can hear my own voice. This is my frame of reference here. I hope that deaf trans people can chime in.

When my voice dropped, I could physically feel the change when I talked. I would go to say something in the way I normally would, but it would feel more strained, or I would feel my voice break. (Hard to explain this feeling... It's like a pressure just gives way and I can feel my voice go softer? I don't know.)

I think in general, it's normal to feel self-conscious when your voice is changing. People who have known you with a higher voice seeing you for the first time in a year might be surprised and comment on your voice. Mine changed over a really short timespan so I had more people notice the change and comment on it and usually people expressed they were a big fan. I had platonic friends say it was hot, even. And I think, at least in my own trans community, there's a lot of celebration when people go through milestone changes.

The voice in my head has never been of any particular range or pitch. Sometimes there's an intonation to it, and if I focus, I can imagine a sound so clearly it nearly becomes hallucination. But my normal inner voice is more of just general language, maybe even closer to text than sound. This is another one of those things that varies with everyone.

I think that the story you're describing with your questions strikes me as an unusual level of hyperfixation on this. There are definitely people who do fixate on one specific dysphoric trigger, usually either isolated from trans community or whose only trans community are people obsessed with "passing" and coming across as cis enough. This usually speaks to an unhealthy community surroundings and a very big sense of danger in some way, whether founded in reality or not.

But I also don't see why this character wouldn't want to de-prioritize voicing if he has these concerns to this extreme of a degree. We (or me anyway) live in a society which is oralist. Everyone is assumed to communicate via oral language, and this is audist (part of the oppression against deaf and hard of hearing people). This is going to depend extremely on individual access, but, if this character has access to resources to learn the local sign language, this seems like a normal option. It's only really helpful if you know other people to sign with, but that usually comes more easily once you take the step to start learning in the first place. Some d/hh people also use other means of communicating, like typing.

There are some people I know who sometimes go nonspeaking and who carry a notepad for that reason, and will use this to interface with clerks or friends or whoever else they need to. There's also AAC in general.

None of this is to say that these things don't mean facing oppression, harassment, misunderstandings and assumptions from strangers. But I do know that some of the folks I know who use nonspeaking methods of communication are sometimes gendered differently by strangers who do not hear their voice. If this is truly that severe of an anxiety, this is probably the route the character would go.

But I don't think this level of hyperfixation on this is necessarily normal. I think wishing for a cure gets into some really big existentialism, like, what if this extremely core part of me were entirely different? It also assumes that deafness is necessarily a disease that requires cure, rather than something that just happens sometimes, which might or might not be related to some pathology or pathological origin.

I'm sorry to keep bugging them with my tags, but I rec reading work by @cripplecharacters.

But overall I'd just avoid writing this if you haven't experienced it. It's a really specific kind of experience and anxiety. I don't know your identities or anything, but if you are cis and hearing, I would probably just come across this and see it as weird and almost like... making these identities into an unnecessarily traumatizing spectacle. These can be things real people experience that can be represented, but they aren't for every writer to write. Not until people from those experiences write on them and get adequate success from that.

-mod nat

[theriverbeyond]

i have a deep laugh now btw :3 if you even care

[eldrytchcryptid]

"To he/him you must sacrifice the ability to hee/hee."

- me upon realising my voice now cracks when I attempt singing Michael Jackson

[fallout-lou-begas]

middle aged trans butch rose of sharon cassidy save me. save me middle aged trans butch rose of sharon cassidy

[housecow]

some of your posts are very funny, what can you not do?

i can’t be on my feet walking around for 4 hours without feeling sore the next day apparently 😭😭😭

[frmulcahy]

Hearing my own habitual docile feminine customer service voice

[dunmeshiminimumwage]

[uncanny-tranny]

Trans solidarity is being a trans man whose vocal range is finally under a trans woman's low range 🩷

[dateamonster]

My vampire ex-boyfriend is stalking me. This is not an unusual occurrence. Even when we were still dating he was always doing this, he just used to be more obvious about it because if I called him out he already had a line locked and loaded about how he was only looking out for me. And sure, I'll admit that I've had more than the average number of near-death experiences for a seventeen year old, but at the risk of rehashing old arguments, a lot of that could've been avoided if he'd just turned me the first time I asked.

I've broken things off with my vampire ex-boyfriend a couple times before, usually for about the same reasons, but this time it's different. I think he's noticed it too. I'm not grieving anymore, not holing myself up in my room listening to sad music watching every gray day pass me by. I've talked to my friends, then to my dad, and they're on my side. My dad took a little longer to come around, but it helped that his best friend's son went through the same thing. It's good to have people around who want to support me, not just protect me.

My vampire ex-boyfriend didn't want me to be a vampire like him. He didn't want me to have sex, with him or anyone else. He didn't want me to go out with my friends without him there, but he also didn't want to come along. He didn't want me to go out after dark. He didn't want me to cut my hair. But he liked me, he really liked me. He liked that I didn't ever show much skin even in the summer. He liked that I didn't have any real hobbies or passions so that he could be the one to introduce me to music and fine art and literature. He liked that I kept my innermost thoughts so buried that they were a secret even to me.

I don't know for sure if I want to be a vampire anymore. I think I might, or at the very least I want to keep my options open, but it doesn't feel as urgent now that I know there are other ways to change myself. I used to think I needed it to be close to him. He was so beautiful, is so beautiful. My vampire ex-boyfriend, with his serious, brooding stare and his model chin and his body carved from the center of a pale diamond, his chiseled angles sharp enough to cut with just a glance. And then me beside him, with my long mousy hair and my fragile frame hidden beneath overlarge shirts and jeans when even a knee-length skirt made me feel too exposed. For all his sanguineous habits, I was the parasite, and he was the genuine article, and maybe that's why it hurt so much to have him reject me again and again. All I ever wanted was to burrow into his colorless skin, to feel what it was like to be strong and unyielding. My vampire ex-boyfriend hated his perfect body. He waxed poetic about my warmth, my softness. Maybe we were more alike than I thought in the end.

I load my old pickup truck full of lumber and nails and feel pleased by how much easier it is now that I've started to put on a little muscle. Working with my hands makes me feel more grounded in my body, so dad's enlisted my help in some of his DIY projects around the house. My collection of bandages is growing, from splinters and slips and the occasional dropped hammer, but my coordination grows a fraction less abysmal each day, and if I spill blood there's no one there to wince and whine about it.

I put a lock on my bedroom window. I pin photographs to my wall documenting my changes from month to month. Dad shows me how to shave without cutting myself, despite my insistence that if I could figure out my legs I can figure out my face. I smile more days than I don't. I still turn my head in the same direction when I hear a loud crack from beyond the treeline that's not quite thunder. I still visit his family, when he's not around. In another life I know his parents would've treated me like one of their own.

Just as I'm climbing into the driver's seat I hear a voice from the shadows, whispering the name of a stranger. I drive away. I've got no more interest in raising the dead.

[monstrousproductions]

Me: I don't think my voice had dropped that much since going on T...

Also me:

[jamisonwritestf2trash]

Testosterone save me

Testosterone

Save me testosterone

[transenbyconfessions]

Oh how I love testosterone and what it's done for me! When I talk with my new, deeper voice I sometimes find myself going :0 "Is that sound really coming out of ME? That's so cool!" The body hair is nice too, and actually not as coarse as I thought it'd be even though it's thicker + darker. It's nice having some hair on my face too, even though it's barely noticeable unless you look for it. Plus that jawline that's more square and sharp, nice! I also have a light Boy Smell to my skin, and that's been an unexpected source of euphoria for me

💛🤍💜🖤

However, what stands out to me most isn't any of what I just mentioned: it's the happiness in my eyes and the lighter steps I take. My body feels like a much more comfortable place to exist in since I actually feel like it's mine now. Instead of being trapped in an empty house with barren walls and a sense of hollowness, my body now feels like a lived-in home with various decorations, nice furniture, and a cozy warmth to it. I smile, talk, and laugh more. I look in the mirror and see someone I've fought very hard to become, someone I relate to more and more with each passing day. I've caught a glimpse of my true / inner self looking back more than once now, and something about them is so beautiful that I can't believe it's real. Every single day that I get to exist as myself feels like the wish I've held for over 10 years coming true. I love this very much, and I'm so so grateful for the opportunity to medically transition.

🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵

Just thought I'd share some trans joy with y'all! I know things are hard right now, but just know that the world is a better place with you in it. There are people who love you as you are for who you are, and even if it feels like nobody cares, people do. Stay safe out there, drink some water, and show yourself some kindness

Submitted June 22, 2023

[microsoftoutlook]

smiling peacefully

[rivangel]

uhhhh feeling gender euphoric impulsive dont be surprised if i delete this in 5 minutes

[angelic-transsexual]

one thing i will say about testosterone that no one told me about, is having adapt to your new voice when singing. like i was very aware that my voice would deepen but i was never given advice on how to adapt and sing with my new voice. that shit was a journey.