#tf2 spy & reader

[the-teufort-nine]

may i rq a scenario with any of the mercs where they find reader injured when respawn's down. maybe bc of an accident or an ambush. i like angst as long as its ok in the end

HOLY SAXTON HALE ANON THIS ONE GOT AWAY FROM ME!

This isn't explicitly romantic, but you could definitely interpret it as being romantic if you want! You're def the team's fave <3

Anyways, enjoy about 8400 words of hurt/comfort goodness and the Blu team being pathetic lil meow meow when they think you're dead dead.

Mercs x GN!Reader | Respawn Malfunction

ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ Hurt/Comfort | SFW | Cw: starvation, temp character death, excess drinking, animal death ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ

Featuring:

Everyone! Even Miss Pauling is here!

Scenario: During the last few moments of a match, Blu team's Respawn Machine suddenly malfunctions, with you inside! Left reeling by the loss of their Chemist, the team attempts to cope. A week later, Miss Pauling receives a most unexpected phone call...

There had been no warning.

If there had been, then the sharp eyes of RED and BLU’s Engineers would have certainly caught it. Unfortunately, the Respawn Machine had been just as reliable as ever for the entire match, bringing the mercenaries back from the great beyond time and time again, just as it had been designed to do.

Scout and Soldier had just been revived when it happened; the two men taking a moment to shake off the inevitable rush of nausea that came from going through the unholy machine. An Ubercharged Heavy had taken both them and their teammate, Y/N, known officially as the Chemist, out as the hulking giant made a final push to capture one of their points, and both BLU men knew it was only a matter of time before they heard the biting voice of the Administrator informing them of their failure.

Scout scuffed his sneaker against the concrete floor of the Respawn Room as Soldier launched into a furious rant, leaning against the wall as he waited for Y/N to come through, knowing that they'd been killed only a moment after him. He sighed when felt the gentle pulse of the machine as it vibrated like a speaker, getting ready to return his friend to the world of the living.

SKREEEEEECHHHH- BOOM!

A blast of hot air sent the two men crashing into the wall, stunning them momentarily. It was Soldier who regained his wits first, the BLU quickly pushing up his helmet and looking back at the source of the damage in shock and mounting horror. 

“Aeughhhh… what da hell just happened?” Scout moaned, one of his hands rubbing against his throbbing forehead. He blinked, his blurred vision slowly clearing, and as he regained his sight, his eyes began to widen.

Respawn was on fire.

Flames licked hungrily at the walls as they spread out further from the Respawn Machine, with the contraption itself bathed in white and blue hues, the intense heat making quick work of what hadn't been destroyed in the explosion. Shards of complex metals and pools of gleaming Australium were littered all over the room, reflecting the light of the fire.

“HOLY CRAP!” Scout yelped, adrenaline coursing through his body as he attempted to scramble up off the floor.

His voice jolted Soldier out of his shocked state, and he shot a hand out to grab the back of Scout's shirt and yank him along as he made for the door. 

“Emergency! Cease fighting immediately!” The Administrator's voice boomed out over the battlefield, the old woman's voice sounding more shocked than stern for once. 

Scout finally found his footing as he pulled out of Soldier's grip, spinning around to stare at the encroaching flames. Fear roiled in his gut like an angry serpent as his disoriented mind finally allowed the reality of their situation to sink in. Respawn was gone. 

Death was permanent once again.

“Private, this is no time to be standing around! We need to go!”

They could die. For real.

“Scout!”

If they'd come through only a moment earlier, they wouldn't have come back at all. 

Wait…

“Solly, where's Chem?”

Soldier paused in his attempt to drag Scout down the hall, his gaze snapping back towards Respawn. He hadn't seen them when he'd grabbed Scout, too focused on getting away from the rapidly approaching fire, but he'd assumed that they were right behind him.

“They probably snuck past us! They're sneaky like that.” he replied. That had to be it! Otherwise that would mean they…

Scout looked down the hall, searching for any sign of the Chemist, before looking back towards Respawn, his face paling. He jerked forward, sprinting towards the blaze. 

“Chem! Chem, hang on!” Scout yelled, reaching the doorway in only a few seconds, his eyes desperately searching for where his friend could possibly be. 

The room was as empty as it had seemed before. There was no trace of the Chemist, alive or dead, to be found in the room. 

They hadn't made it through.

“What in the Sam Hill is goin’ on here?!”

Scout wrenched himself away from the door as he heard his teammates gasp behind him. Engineer was up by his side in an instant, his mechanical hand gripping the doorframe so hard it cracked the material. He pushed his goggles up, and Scout could see real fear in the other's eyes.

“Vhat zhe hell happened? Zhe Respavn Machine vas fine only moments ago vhen I came through!” Medic said, pausing as he looked at Scout, who was trembling. Gently, the doctor led the young man away from the fire, “Scout? Are you alright? Vere you injured?”

“Chem’s gone.” was Scout's quiet reply.

“Vhat?”

“They was suppose’ta come through after me ‘n Solly, but Respawn went up in flames before they could come through.” the runner's voice was shaky and hollow, and he leaned more of his weight against Medic as his legs started to feel less dependable than usual, “They're gone. Like, gone gone.”

The gathered mercenaries went quiet, the only sounds being that of the crackling flames and Scout and Soldier's laboured breathing.

“DAMN IT!” Engineer bellowed, throwing his hard hat onto the ground, “GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!”

Medic closed his eyes, bringing a gloved hand up to his face as a wave of grief crashed down on him. He'd been rather fond of their newest teammate, glad to have someone around who was as interested in risky experiments as he was. The Chemist had often taken up many of the smaller, more neglected duties around the base, such as cooking proper meals and making sure that Medic's less used medical supplies stayed topped up, in case of emergencies. They'd also been of great help in wrangling some of his more… problematic patients, using their charms (or stealth) to herd them into the Medbay for check ups or shots.

He watched them die every day, but this was different. This was permanent. The machine he and Engineer had worked so hard to build, the one that had allowed them to cheat death time and time again, had finally taken its pound of flesh. Y/N had been taken from them, from him, before he'd been ready to let them go.

Now, this usually wouldn't have been a problem; committing sins against both God and nature was something he did quite often and with great delight, and he was sure he could wrest Y/N back from the afterlife, provided that he had access to their body.

And therein lay the problem. There was no body. Respawn hadn't even spat them out half formed or thrown them into the flames, it had simply not reconstructed them. Whatever remained of the Chemist was likely nothing more than a partially formed mist of human remains that had burned up almost instantaneously.

The tenth class was no more, and there was nothing Medic could do.

“Aw, hell,” Engineer gritted out finally, looking back at his teammates with a tired, beatdown expression, “Christ, someone go ‘n track down a fire extinguisher. If we don't get this under control soon, we'll all end up dead.”

Seeing an opportunity to both flee the horrific scene and be useful, Scout ran off like a bat out of Hell, skidding around a corner and disappearing from sight. Soldier, who was being uncharacteristically quiet and still, made to follow him, but Engineer stopped him before he could take more than a few steps.

“Hold on, pardner. I need you to round everyone up and let ‘em know what- what happened.” the southerner swallowed hard, trying his best to push down his emotions for the time being, “The last thing we need right now is to lose someone else because someone did somthin’ stupid and got themselves killed.”

Soldier thought of how often Demo tested his equipment after their daily battles, especially after a loss, and stopped only long enough to give Engineer a salute before rushing off, determined not to lose any more teammates.

“Gott, vhat a mess.” Medic whispered hoarsely, mentally preparing himself for the utter shit show that was inevitably coming their way. The Chemist had been a friend to all of them, even to Spy, who pretended that he didn't care, and losing them was going to be hard on everyone.

Personal loss wasn't something the mercenaries were used to, lulled into a sense of security, of immortality, by the Respawn Machine. After all, why be afraid of death when you knew that you would be back in what felt like only an instant? None of them ever considered that Respawn might fail one day.

“C’mon, Doc. We can't stay here.” Engineer said, leading his co-worker-turned-friend away from the fire.

“Ack!” 

You yelped as you tumbled face first out of Respawn, hitting the floor hard and fast. You hissed in pain, pushing yourself up and rubbing a hand over your aching face. Instinctively, you check over the various vials of chemicals you have strapped to your person, praying that your odd tumble hasn't resulted in anything breaking.

A sigh of relief passes your lips as you determine nothing to be out of place or wrecked. You pulled yourself to your feet, stretching and cracking your knuckles. Christ, the RED Heavy must have gotten you good that time, because you felt just awful. Exhaustion made you slouch slightly, and your stomach ached something fierce.

After bracing yourself for the inevitable screech of the Administrator's voice telling you that you had failed, you allowed your eyes to fall open, expecting to see Scout and Soldier's sour faces.

An unfamiliar room greeted you, wooden planks replacing the expected concrete. Dust lingered around the space, and your only company was a chittering raccoon, which startled and ran off upon seeing you.

What the fuck was going on?

“Hell-o?” you called, confusing coloring your tone, “Scout? Soldier? Anyone?”

Silence greeted you. Not even the sound of gunfire and shouting could be heard, only the sound of a fierce wind blowing outside.

Thoroughly confused and more than a little creeped out, you stepped out of Respawn, head constantly swiveling about as you called for your teammates. However, no matter how much you yelled, no one ever responded. No matter how much you searched, you couldn't find anyone. No matter how much you listened, not a soul could be heard.

“What the fuck. What the fuck.” you chanted, rubbing your arms. It was so cold here, and your outfit was designed for the New Mexico heat. 

Your breaths came in steamy puffs, and you could feel goosebumps prickling along your arms as you made your way towards what you hoped was the Intel Room. Whatever it was that was going on, you were too tired and too sore to try and puzzle it out. If this was some kind of elaborate prank, you were going to kill whoever was responsible, because the last thing you wanted to deal with after such a rough day was this creepy bullshit.

Finally, after a solid hour of getting lost within this bizarre, wintery base, you managed to find the Intel Room. A phone, blue in colour, sat mounted on the wall only a few feet away. Wasting no time, you dialed the number Miss Pauling had given you to use if there was ever an emergency, or if Engineer and Medic started spending too much time together again. (The last time they'd gone unchecked for too long, the base had become overrun by something they called Spycrabs. It took weeks for you and your team to get rid of them, though you were fairly certain both Spy and Pyro had managed to hide one to keep as a pet.)

“Aperture Bakery, where the cake definitely isn't a lie! This is Tammy speaking, how can I help you?” an obviously fake cheery voice greeted you after only two rings, and you smiled slightly.

“Jesus, Pauling, I think that's your worst ‘wrong number’ persona yet.” you groused, no real venom in your voice.

“...Y/N?” Miss Pauling’s voice suddenly became very soft and disbelieving, something you'd never heard it do.

You frowned, your brow furrowing. “Yeah, that's me, last I checked. I thought you were supposed to call me Chemist, though?”

“Holy shit, you're alive?!” she shouted, the volume causing you to pull back slightly, “How are you alive?!” 

“Uhhhhh,” you stammered, completely at a loss as to how you were supposed to respond, “I… I breathe? And eat? And sleep? Jeez, Pauling, I don't know what you want from me here.”

There was a moment of silence on the other end of the line, one that lasted so long, you began to worry Miss Pauling had hung up on you.

“Hello?” you tried.

“Oh! Shoot, sorry, I'm still here! I just-” there was a sound like papers being moved, “Chemist, what is the last thing you remember?”

“Losing the point and getting shot to pieces, why?” Was this a test? Had you already failed somehow?

“Right, yeah, okay that makes sense.” Miss Pauling took a deep breath, and you shifted uncomfortably, sensing that something was wrong.

“Chemist, Y/N, you've been declared dead for just over a week now.” 

The phone slipped from your grasp, and it was only years worth of training and quick reflexes that kept it from smashing into the wall. You gripped the phone right, pressing it tightly into your ear as you spoke. “I'm sorry, I don't think I heard you right, Miss Pauling. Would you mind repeating that?”

“You were dead, Chemist. Something happened to BLU’s Respawn Machine, and it was completely destroyed before you could come back. I- I don't know how or why it took so long for you to come back this time, but I'm so glad you did.”

You all but collapsed onto the wall, your free hand tangling itself in your hair. You'd died? Like, died for real? The thought made your stomach turn, and you had to suppress the urge to vomit.

“Pauling, Christ, I-” you swallowed, breathing in through your nose, “Is everyone else okay? Oh God, please tell me no one else… died.”

“No, no, no! Everyone's- well they're not fine, but they're all alive. The Administrator called for an emergency ceasefire the minute she saw what happened, and both teams got the message pretty quickly that something was wrong. The ceasefire is still in effect, since everyone needs to be relocated to one of the other base locations.” Miss Pauling replied.

You audibly sighed in relief, tension leaving your body as you uttered a soft ‘Oh, thank God.’ “I think that's where I ended up. One of the other bases, I mean. It's fucking freezing here, Pauly.”

“Shit, you're that far out?” Miss Pauling sucked in a breath through her teeth, “Okay, just- just stay put, alright? There's not going to be any supplies there, so just fine somewhere warm and try not to move too much. I'm going to come get you, okay?”

“Okay.” you replied, smiling slightly as you heard her immediately begin to gather various items on her desk, “Thank you, Miss Pauling. I know you're busy.”

“I'm never too busy for my mercenaries, especially when they manage to defy all logic and cheat death more than they usually do.” a warm, fuzzy feeling settled in your chest at her words, and it remained even after you hung up. There was something so viscerally pleasing about being wanted, about having someone care for you.

Worn out from your return to the living world, you peeled yourself away from the wall and wandered around the base a bit, before locating what had to be the common room. A couch and a few chairs were tucked in around an unlit fireplace. There wasn't anything around to burn, and you didn't feel up to going out to find something suitable, so you chose instead to simply curl up on the couch. Once you laid down, it was as if all of your strength left your body. The aches and pains that plagued you became more apparent, and your stomach growled and gurgled loudly. You were starving, but as Miss Pauling had said, there was no food at the base, and you certainly weren't going to be able to hunt any animals that might be scuttling around.

Resigning yourself to a fitful sleep and an empty stomach, you closed your eyes and pressed yourself in closer to the back of the couch, slowly drifting off into a light slumber.

The BLU base had never been so quiet. It was not a calm quiet, like one might find if they walked into a library, or in a room full of people simply enjoying each other's company while they entertained themselves, but rather a tense, unnatural quiet. A mercenary base with nine men living in it should have been full of noise and movement, but each member of the BLU team seemed more than happy to break away from the norm today.

Engineer was holed up in his workshop, pouring over blueprints, both new and old, determined to find some flaw, some imperfection, some failure, that could give him an answer as to why the Respawn Machine had gone up in flames. He needed to find the problem so that he could fix it. He couldn't leave things as they were; everyone, even the RED team, once they'd found out what had happened, felt unsafe going through any of the Respawn Machines, since no one knew what exactly had gone wrong.

Medic was working himself to exhaustion right alongside him, while also fretting over packing up his birds and equipment on such short notice. They weren't due to rotate out to another base for another month, but the accident had pushed the timeline up to a few days. What's more is that he needed to review the applications for a new Chemist, though he'd been putting that particular task off for as long as possible. He'd never once needed to replace a teammate, nor had he ever expected to. The process of both finding someone who was Respawn compatible and willing to fight and die everyday was an arduous one indeed, and Medic could feel a stress induced migraine begin to come on whenever he even glanced at the paperwork.

Heavy had been trying his best to help Medic prepare for the move, but he, like everyone else, was feeling the effects of their friend's sudden death. He kept expecting to hear their voice coming from the kitchen, or to see them waltz through a door with some manner of bubbling condition held in their arms. Often, he caught himself setting out the supplies for two sandviches, only realizing his mistake when he had plated the food. 

Pyro had firmly planted themselves in the Chemist's room, taking special, delicate care to pack up their things into neat little boxes. When Medic had gently floated the idea of reusing their supplies for the next Chemist, Pyro had chased the doctor around the base with their fire axe. There were drawings of the two of them taped carefully to the wall, gifted to the Chemist by the resident firebug, and Pyro left them for last, wanting to keep pretending that they were simply packing up to move like the rest of them. When they'd nearly finished, Pyro noticed that the Chemist's uniforms, which had been folded up on their friend's bed, had mysteriously disappeared. They'd panicked for a moment, before the faint smell of cigarette smoke filtered through their mask.

Sure enough, the clothes were returned the following morning, freshly washed, dried, and without any wrinkles. Any and all holes or rips had been carefully hand stitched with expert precision. There was also a single rose lovingly tucked into one of the pockets on the outfit the Chemist wore most frequently.

Demo could often be found in the company of Soldier, sitting out on some roof or bridge, nursing his tenth or so bottle. Soldier didn't drink nearly as much, but when he inevitably did get drunk, only he and Demo knew about the few tears that would slip down his cheek. Neither acknowledged it, nor the sinking fear of having to inevitably go through Respawn again that sat like lead bullets in their guts.

Scout ran to ignore that same sense of fear and loss, to push it down into the deepest parts of himself. He ran from sunrise to sunset, pausing only when he absolutely needed to. Sometimes, when he would stop, panting and sweating and one small breeze away from toppling over, if he was in just the right spot at just the right time, he'd catch a glimpse of Sniper, tucked away on some far off cliffside or peering down from a tall, rickety building. The marksman hadn't been seen in the base proper since the accident, but he was always around somewhere, watching day and night to ensure nothing happened to his remaining teammates during the ceasefire.

So it was no wonder that it was him who first spotted a frantic looking Miss Pauling as she parked her scooter and dashed off towards one of the base entrances.

Curious, Sniper pushed himself up out of his hiding place, ignored the burning sensation that rippled through his taunt, stiff muscles, and started to make his way down to the base. He didn't make any attempt to soften his footsteps, but he also didn't call any attention to himself. The dark haired woman had been heading for Engineer's workshop, so that's where Sniper went.

Just before he could reach the door that led to the workshop, he collided with someone coming down the hall. He let out a quiet ‘oof’ and stumbled back, baring his teeth instinctively when he saw an expensive suit and steely blue eyes. He calmed, however, when he saw that this Spy was dressed in his team's colours 

“Bushman.” came Spy's snide greeting. The Frenchman eyed Sniper up and down, “You look like shit.”

“I could say the same for you, mate.” Sniper sneered back, and he really could have.

There were heavy bags around Spy's eyes, and he smelled as though he'd been absolutely chewing through his expensive, imported cigarettes. Clearly, the man had been coping just as well as Sniper had.

“I'm shocked to see zhat you are no longer wallowing in your mobile hovel, or rolling around in zhe dirt, or whatever it is that you've been doing zhese days.” Spy raised a brow, “What has brought you back to zhis cheap imitation of civilization?”

Now, normally, this would be the point in their conversation where Sniper would tell Spy to not-so-kindly fuck off, but the Australian was running on coffee and will, and Spy was good at getting information. If Miss Pauling’s sudden appearance was supposed to be a secret, then Spy would be Sniper’s first choice for a partner in crime.

“Miss Pauling just showed up lookin’ real frazzled, and I want to know why. I didn't get any alerts or messages, did you?” Sniper asked.

Spy pursed his lips. “Non, I did not.”

Both men's gazes flicked towards the workshop door, and before either could contemplate if this was a good idea or not, Spy had cloaked and Sniper was pushing the door open slowly. A conversation came into earshot as the door opened silently.

“Engie! Thank God you're here!”

“Miss Pauling? What are you doin’ here?”

“There's no time, I need to borrow your truck!”

“Whu- mah truck? What for?”

“Listen, I need to get up North. Fast. And my scooter isn't going to cut it for this trip. Also, I think I might need that emergency dispenser you guys built a while back.”

Sniper's eyebrows shot up towards his hairline. Miss Pauling did many things to people, but healing them wasn't something he'd ever heard of her doing.

“Well, now, see that there dispenser is still a prototype. It ain't ready for fieldwork yet- HEY!”

“Sorry Engie! Look, I promise I will bring the truck and the dispenser back, but I really need to get going! If this works, I'll bring back something that will make up for all of this.”

“And just what the hell would that be?!”

“Your Chemist!”

Sniper jolted, his body moving faster than his mind, which was still struggling to understand what he'd just heard. He gripped the guardrails that overlooked the lower floor, arriving just in time to see Miss Pauling putting the pedal to the metal and hauling ass out of the workshop in Engineer's truck. Engineer himself was standing stock still on the workshop floor, hand still raised mid gesture.

A set of hands suddenly grabbed Sniper by the shoulders and spun him around. Spy was staring at him, eyes alight in a way Sniper hadn't seen in a long time.

“Bushman, you can fit at least four people in your disgusting van, yes?” the man asked, squeezing harder when Sniper's mouth failed to make words come out, “Well?!”

“Eh- ur- yeah mate, that's right.” Sniper nodded finally, still reeling from the idea that Chemist might still be alive, “What's it to ya, Spook?”

“Gather up Soldier, Heavy, and Demo. I will take Medic, Scout, Pyro and Engineer in my car. We need to get going immediately if we want any chance of catching up to Miss Pauling!” he exclaimed.

Sniper's eyes widened as he understood what Spy was saying. The Frenchman wanted to follow Miss Pauling, to see their supposedly not dead teammate for himself, and he knew the rest of them well enough to know that if they didn't take them along, then the others would find their own way to them. That, or they'd simply destroy the base if left alone for too long, and Sniper was willing to bet that Spy didn't want to risk Pyro or Soldier destroying his precious suit collection.

‘Still,’ Sniper mused, ‘It’s nice to see that Spook cares about our feelings, even if it is mostly for ‘is benefit.’

“Right, I'll go round up the boys. You focus on snapp’n Engie outta his stupor, yeah?” Sniper agreed.

Spy nodded, and the two separated, with Sniper wasting no time in flying back down the hall. Obsessively stalking- er, observing everyone over the course of the week had granted him a decent understanding of where they chose to spend their time while in mourning.

Heavy and Medic were up first, and Sniper knew exactly where they'd be. With a swift kick, he burst into the Medbay, startling both the pair and all of the birds.

“Augh! Herr Sniper, vhat do you think you're doing, barging in here like-” Medic started, but Sniper cut him off.

“Can it, Doc! Pauling was just ‘ere, and she says Y/N is alive!” Sniper exclaimed. The other two men's eyes widened, and Medic almost dropped the glass beaker he was holding. “She sped off a moment ago, and we're gonna follow ‘er. Spy's taking you, Scooter, Engie and Py in ‘is car, while I'm takin’ the rest.”

The dynamic duo shook off their shock and nodded.

“Heavy will grab Soldier and Demolitions. Leetle Sniper will find Pyro in their room.” Heavy paused, then fixed Sniper with a stern look. “Be very careful how you tell news. Fire starter has… not been taking loss well. May attack, if they think you are playing joke.”

Sniper gulped quietly. “Think we should hold off on tellin’ them why we're really leaving?”

Medic shook his head quickly. “Nien. Zhough it is not alvays apparent, Pyro is quite intelligent. Lying to zhem about zhis will not end well for any of us.”

The marksman winced, remembering the feeling of fire blasting across his skin. “Too right. Okay, I'll handle Pyro, and Heavy’s gettin’ the drunk bastards. Hopefully they can sober up a bit, because I do not want those two sicking up in my van.”

Suddenly, a thought came to him.

“Oh, and bring yer Medigun. Miss Pauling mentioned something about need’n the emergency dispenser, but Engie didn't seem too confident that it would work.”

Medic's face crumpled up in distress. “And he shouldn't be! Zhat machine is just as likely to kill both zhe Chemist and Frauline Pauling as it is to heal zhem.”

“Shit.” Sniper swore, “We better be quick, then.”

The three men scattered, each one going in a different direction. Sniper hauled ass towards the barracks, eyes flicking to the different class symbols that marked each of the doors. He had only ever been here once, but picking out the little blue and yellow picture of a bubbling vial was easy enough.

He skidded to a stop before the door, taking a second to rap his knuckles against the wood before pushing the door open. 

Pyro was where Heavy had said they would be, sitting on their friend's neatly made bed, their stuffed Balloonicorn clasped tightly in their grip as they rocked slightly. Pyro tilted their head at Sniper, communicating their confusion at the man's sudden appearance.

“C’mon, matchstick. We gotta get going right quick now.” Sniper panted, motioning for Pyro to follow, “Miss Pauling was just here, and she seems pretty damn convinced that our Chemist isn't as dead as we all thought.”

Pyro stilled on the bed, their masked face staring right into Sniper's soul. The Australian licked his chapped lips, feeling a sense of unease creep across the nape of his neck. After a moment of relative silence, Pyro seemed to find no deception in his words, and quickly leapt up, pausing only to grab their axe and holster it on their back.

“Huddah huddah huddah!” They yelled, voice muffled by the mask. A thick rubber glove suddenly gripped Sniper's vest, and the marksman found himself getting dragged along towards an exit.

Barely able to keep up with Pyro’s quick stride, Sniper stumbled a bit, all but crashing into the firebug when the large door before them slid open. 

“Let's go, let's go, let's go!” Scout's voice carried across the desert base as the young man practically flew towards the workshop, clearly having been told the news, “Py, Snipes, let's friggin hustle! We got places to be, ya bunch a slowasses!”

“Piss off, ya bloody roadrunner! We're goin’ as fast as we can!” Sniper shot back, no real venom in his voice. He knew that Scout had been hit hard by the loss of their teammate, especially since he and Soldier had been the last ones to see them. The kid was more sensitive then the rest of them, especially when it came to someone he cared about dying

Scout slowed ever so slightly, just enough to grab ahold of Pyro's hand. The runner and the arsonist took off together to where Spy was waiting, and Sniper deviated off towards his van.

Heavy was already waiting for him when he arrived, the hulking giant holding both Soldier and Demo over his shoulders. The two had clearly had more to drink than usual, because neither of them were conscious. Sniper contemplated waking them for a moment; this was important after all, and he knew neither man would want to be left out of the loop.

And then he considered how completely insufferable the duo would be if they were awake, and he simply nodded towards the back of the van as he moved to sit in the driver's seat.

Heavy joined him a few moments later, and they were off, speeding down a dusty New Mexico road. Spy's expensive, gleaming vehicle was tearing down the same road as them, the light of the gradually setting sun bouncing off the well maintained blue paint job. He'd told Sniper the name once, while also threatening to gut the marksman if he so much as stepped near the vehicle, but Sniper couldn't be bothered to memorize it.

Sniper had thought that Spy wouldn't ever dare go as fast as he was now, what with all the potholes and tumbleweeds around that could potentially damage the Frenchman's precious ride, but perhaps he'd underestimated how much losing the Chemist had weighed on their most elusive teammate. Spy, for all his aloofness, did occasionally let slip the fact that he actually liked his teammates. Sometimes. Rarely. And usually in some strange, hard to interpret way.

He saw Scout's head pop out of one of the backseat windows, and the lad raised a hand to shield his eyes, like he was trying to see something in the distance. He must have spotted something other than desert, because he pointed towards an upcoming side road before popping back inside.

Sure enough, the car skidded around the corner, and Sniper followed, squinting his own eyes in an attempt to see what Scout had been pointing at.

Tire tracks marred the road, ones that hadn't been caused by Spy's quick turn, but that were also very recent. Sniper grinned and pressed harder on the gas, accelerating until he was only a few feet behind the other vehicle. 

He'd never had a target escape before, and Miss Pauling wasn't about to make him break that streak.

Cold.

You were so cold.

You'd awoken to the sound of your teeth chattering, the sound only made worse when another wave of ripples inevitably wracked your prone form. Each breath came as a gasping wheeze, catching on the film of phlegm that had made a home in your throat and chest. Your stomach felt almost alive in your guts, spitting acid on your sensitive middle as it growled and snarled and roared for food that you couldn't give it. 

You tried to get up, but your body began to shake and wobble dangerously as you began putting pressure on your forearm. Apparently, all your energy had been diverted to shivering in a, perhaps futile, attempt to keep your internal organs from freezing over. Breathing out a puff of warm air, you slid your hands over your chest and stomach, eyes widening as you realized that something was deeply, deeply wrong.

Gone was your well earned muscles and insulating body fat. You felt dangerously thin, like a starved greyhound. Whatever dark magic and science pulled you back from death had seemingly lost most of your fat and muscle reserves in the process. Truly, it was a miracle that you'd been able to walk at all!

You were in a bad spot, and you weren't sure Respawn would be able to save you again, should the worst happen. After all, no merc had ever starved to death before, and you had no idea what would happen if you did. 

‘That’s not going to happen.’ You tried to reassure yourself, ‘Pauling will come to get me.’

How long had you been asleep? It hadn't felt like long, but there were no windows in this common room, and it wasn't as though you could rely on your stomach to tell you that a great deal of time had passed.

With little else to do, you lay your head back down on the cold couch cushions, attempting to curl up closer to the plush, velvety fabric. You tucked your arms into your armpits and folded your knees up close to your chest as you shivered once again. You'd lost feeling in your toes and fingers, but you could still, with great difficulty, wiggle them, which you counted as a win. Your eyes slipped shut as you turned your face down towards your chest, nose buried in the fabric of your uniform in a desperate attempt to seek out any scrap of warmth.

Sleep came easy enough, but it was far from a peaceful rest. Nightmares of endless darkness and being reborn wrong plagued your mind. You woke frequently, but exhaustion dragged you back into unconsciousness just as quickly. Each time you awoke, you were reminded of just how hungry you were, and the urge to gnaw at your own dangerously thin arms grew in intensity. Thirst plagued you as well, and each time your failing mind allowed it, you licked desperately at the inside of your mouth, trying to acquire some moisture for your sandpaper-esque throat.

On your next return to the waking world, as you stared out towards the door that led to the hallway, contemplating drinking one of your fatal mixtures, if only to end your suffering and quicken your return to Respawn, a sound echoed out into the lonely building. You lifted your head, blearily squinting towards the door. Had that been real? Or simply an illusion, a trick crafted by your starved brain?

“Chem? Chem, can you hear me?!”

Miss Pauling.

She did come for you!

You grinned, the action pulling at your chapped lips. You tried to call out, but all you managed was a slight cough. Huffing, you flopped your head back down, eyes locked on the door. You knew that she knew where the phone was in this place; there was no way someone like Miss Pauling didn’t know the ins and outs of every place her mercs set up shop in, so it was only a matter of time before she found you.

Sure enough, after a few minutes passed you began to hear footsteps pounding down the hall. It wasn’t the heavy, familiar footfalls of your team, but rather a lighter, quieter sound. A blurry purple figure entered your field of vision, and after your eyes finally focused, you saw a disheveled, red-cheeked Miss Pauling standing before you.

“Hey there, stranger.” You rasped, wincing slightly when you felt hands suddenly cup your cheeks. Pauling’s hands were warm and slightly calloused, and you blinked slowly, leaning into her touch.

“Jesus Christ, Chem. You never do anything by halves, huh?” Pauling laughed, though the noise came out more like a sob.

“Can't. I wouldn't be a very good Chemist if I did, right?” You joked softly, your eyelids drooping slowly as you began to relax, “Things’d be spillin’ all over the place.”

“Woah, hey!” A series of quick, rapid taps against your cheeks made you open your eyes again, “Stay awake, okay? You're in rough shape, but I brought- well, stole but that's really not important- Engie's truck and his little mini dispenser thing-”

“You stole Engie’s truck?” You interrupted, voice tinged with a sense of horrified awe, “He's gonna kill you.”

The raven haired woman gave you a half smile as she reached an arm under you, pulling you up to your feet to stand beside her. Your vision swam, and you had to lean heavily into her.

“I think bringing you back will soften him up a bit.” She said, looping your arm around her shoulders, “Come on, let's get you to the truck. You look like you're about to pass out.”

“I might.” You admitted. “Got anything to eat? I'm starving.”

Miss Pauling glanced over your emaciated form. “That… actually might be the case. When Respawn brings someone back, it usually leaves them feeling a little bit drained, and it's why you're all so hungry at the end of a battle. Respawning takes energy, and I'd say this last trip took almost all of yours. It ate right through your fat and muscle reserves!”

“Ah,” You replied, “I was afraid that might be the case. What happens if I Respawn again?”

“It's… it's probably best if we don't test that out.”

The two of you walked through the base in silence after that, with you leaning heavily on Miss Pauling for support. She didn't seem to mind, however; though you often caught her casting worried glances at you. You felt the temperature in the air steadily drop as you reached the entrance to the base, yet you were still caught off guard when a chilly blast of wintry air smacked you in the face. Snow swirled all around you, coating the base and battlefield in white. The first rays of an early morning sunrise were just starting to peak over the horizon, giving you enough light to see by.

In the distance, you could see Engie's truck, the blue vehicle standing out amidst the white. However, something seemed… off about the truck. You squinted, trying to figure out what was wrong.

“Hey P, did you bring a… a dog with you?” You mumbled, tilting your head at the canine shape that stood in the headlights.

“What?” Miss Pauling looked confused for a moment, before she, too, saw the creature. “What is… uh oh.”

“Uh oh? Why uh oh?” You questioned, before taking a closer look at the dog, which was now slowly moving towards the two of you.

Oh.

Uh oh indeed.

It wasn't a dog.

It was a wolf.

The beast was huge, with a thick, ungroomed black coat and amber eyes that glowed a bright, golden color in the early morning. It growled as it approached, and you could see saliva frothing at its mouth.

“Oh, you have got to be kidding me.” You balked, stumbling as Miss Pauling pulled you both back, “A rabid wolf. Why not!”

“How did it even contract rabies all the way out here?!” Miss Pauling yelped, quickly drawing her pistol. You eyed the small gun, wondering if she could aim well enough to shoot the hulking animal with your dead weight hanging off her.

Left with no other options, you weakly pawed at your coat, trying to locate something that could help you fight off the rabid beast. You had all the ingredients needed to make something truly dangerous, but if you tried to mix them now, you'd just as likely make something that would kill you before the wolf could.

Grabbing something that would at least blind the animal, you braced yourself as best you could, ready to try and help Miss Pauling fight.

“INCOMING!”

You, Miss Pauling, and the wolf all turned your heads as one, eyes widening when Sniper's van suddenly emerged from the snowstorm like the chariot of an angry Australian god. The vehicle slammed into the wolf, sending it flying out of sight. A few seconds later, an expensive looking car skidded to a stop a few feet away, one of the back doors opening before the car could even fully stop. 

Scout came barreling out first, slipping on the snow and ice as he tried to regain his balance. Sniper, Heavy, and Spy followed suit, with the other's appearing behind them. They all looked absolutely horrendous; their eye bags had eye bags, Soldier and Sniper clearly needed to shave, and none of them were even remotely dressed for the cold weather of the north.

But they had never looked better to you.

Scout spotted you first, and you hardly had time to blink before the Bostonian was upon you, yanking you out of Miss Pauling's hold and into his arms.

“You're alive! Holy crap you're alive!” Scout cried, spinning you around and pressing his face into your shoulder.

Pyro joined you next, the arsonist all but smothering both you and Scout as they sobbed. You patted their back, leaning into their warm suit, attempting to leech their abundant body heat.

Before you could get a word out, a fierce yell startled you into a defensive stance. Suddenly, you were being held up by your armpits and being shook like a maraca.

“DO NOT PULL SUCH A STUNT AGAIN, MAGGOT!” Soldier yelled angrily, but you caught a glimpse of wet eyes under his helmet, “IF YOU DIE LIKE THAT AGAIN I WILL PERSONALLY RIP YOUR YELLOW-BELLIED SOUL RIGHT OUT OF HELL!”

“Sol, put them down, consarnit!” Engineer chided, smacking Soldier in the side. Once the helmeted man set you back down onto the ground, Engineer pulled you into a warm, firm hug, his flesh hand coming to rest on the back of your neck.

“Hey Engie.” You murmured softly, “Don’t be mad at Miss P, okay?”

“Buddy, ah’m gonna be treatin’ her to a steak dinner after this.” he chuckled, before gently passing you over to someone else, “Here, Demo. Be careful with ‘em. They ain’t lookin’ too good right now.”

“Aye, ya look like shite, dont’cha?” Demo laughed softly, gently ruffling your hair before pulling you into a hug, tucking you under his chin. “Ah, I’m glad yer alright. Ye gave us a right scare, ya wee bastard!”

“Sorry.” You chuckled, leaning into his chest. Demo patted your shoulder, before you were released and spun around to see Medic, Heavy, Spy and Sniper. While Heavy lifted you up into one arm, Miss Pauline began questioning how the mercenaries had found out where you and her were.

Medic descended upon you like a mother hen, fretting about the poor state you were in while simultaneously raving about the unexplored limits of the Respawn Machines. He plucked a few tablets out of a bottle in one of his coat pockets, instructing you to swallow, not chew them as Sniper handed you a well worn thermos. It was warm, and when you opened the lid, the smell of coffee hit your nose. A quick sip revealed that it was made just how you liked, which made you smile, because it meant that the usually unsociable marksman had gone out of his way to make the drink specifically for you.

“Here, mon ami,” Spy strode forward, a blanket draped over his arm. He wrapped it around your shoulders gently, tucking it in tightly, almost like your parents would do for you when you were small, “this should warm you up a bit.”

The tenderness of your usually tough, rowdy teammates made you sniffle, and you snuggled in closer to Heavy, clutching your thermos.

“I love you guys.” You said, your voice wavering with emotion, rather than cold this time, “Seriously. I- there isn’t a better team out there.”

Your praise made the gathered men puff up slightly. It was clear your opinion mattered a great deal to them.

“Hell yeah! We’re da’ freakin’ best!” Scout shouted.

“Leetle Chemist is included in that.” Heavy added, and you blushed slightly.

“Heavy is right, mein Chemiker.” Medic agreed, “Jou have cheated Death more zhen anyone else before jou! It is truly amazing!”

“I don’t feel amazing.” You said, quickly sipping the offered coffee.

“Vell, you are severely malnutritioned, so I am not surprised.” Medic replied. “Ah, don’t drink zhat so fast. Jou’ll just zhrow it back up.” 

Once the word ‘malnutritioned’ passed the doctor’s lips, you could practically hear Engineer’s ears perk up. You were sure many home cooked meals with Engie in his workshop were in your future.

“Come on, mate, let’s get em’ outta the cold, yeah?” Sniper suggested to Heavy, gesturing towards his van. Spy snorted.

“Please, you want to have our dear Chemist rest in zhat thing? The last thing zhey need is to be surrounded by piss and crocodile jerky.” he snarked, which drew a disgruntled sneer from Sniper.

“Oi! My van is perfectly clean, and its leagues bettah than your dinky lil’ car! You just wanna hog all their attention ‘cause you’re a needy, selfish buggah!” Sniper shot back.

Heavy sighed deeply as the two men started arguing, before looking down at you.

“Heavy thinks it would be best for leetle Chemist to ride with Engineer in his truck for now. Team is very excited you are alive, and this makes them act-” the two of you winced as Soldier started yelling again, “more like loud idiots than usual, да?”

“At this point, big guy, I’d welcome the noise.” You admitted, “It was… quiet here. And lonely.”

Heavy looked at you with a saddened expression. “How long were you alone for?”

“A… a day, I think. It was hard to tell, since there were no windows.” You glanced over in the direction the wolf had been flung. “Honestly, that might have been for the best, considering what was waiting out here for me and Miss Pauling when we finally got outside.”

“Was wolf, yes? Heavy could not see very well, but it looked like wolf.” The heavy weapons expert said as he started off towards Engineer’s truck.

“Yeah, it was a wolf. A rabid one. You guys showed up just in time. I was afraid it would get close enough to bite us.” You shivered, pulling your blanket in closer.

“Miss Pauling would not have allowed that. She is small woman, yes, but very fierce.” Heavy paused for a moment, looked over at Scout and Soldier, who were talking to Miss Pauling, then leaned in to whisper: “She is better shot than some of the team. Do not tell them I said this.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t say a word.” You winked as Heavy gently set you down in the passenger seat, careful not to jostle you. The seat was still warm from the heater, and you relished in it, almost not even noticing when Engineer slipped into the driver’s seat next to you. 

“Buckle up, darl’.” He grinned, reaching to pull the seat belt over your chest.

“Thanks, Engie.” You returned his smile and lay back, resting your head against your seat belt. 

As you got comfortable, you noticed that the truck had an extra few passengers. Pyro waved to you from the back as both Soldier and Scout climbed up into the bed. Both men looked visibly cold, but they stubbornly plonked themselves down, dead set on staying near you. Just in case.

Spy and Sniper finally stopped squabbling when they realized that you were no longer around to fight over, and both slunk back to their respective vehicles as Engineer started up his truck. Miss Pauling and Medic followed Spy, while Demo and Heavy trailed after Sniper. Knowing your team, there would be another fight the second you all stopped for gas or food, likely over who you should sit with for the rest of the drive back. Honestly, it was like being back in school, surrounded by a friend group of mentally ill lunatics who fought like spoiled dogs for your attention.

You wouldn’t change a thing. You were, after all, just as needy and clingy as the rest of them, and you knew you’d be even more desperate to be near someone all the time, afraid to be back in that horrid silence.

How wonderful for you, then, that you had 8 men, 1 woman, and 1 Pyro who would be more than happy to indulge you.

[scoutsbabygirl]

literally an audio of the reader/listener being railed by ALL OF THE MERCS

the scout voice actor does the accent PERFECTLY. there's another one too i can link if anyone's interested. shoutout to all the va's in this, was frickin' awesome!

[habitabel]

❗❗❗THIS ISNT HAPPENING ANYMORE IT ALL WENT TO SHIT❗❗❗

GUYS GUYS GUYS

what do I do with myself rn I'm tweaking out I'm gonna rip my skin off what THIS IS EVERYTHING TO ME

Edit❗❗❗ for more info, I have links to the discord, Twitter, and the official team lovetress website on my page! It's pinned at the top <3 the discord requires you to share a picture of your ID because I guess the game might have nsfw themes or maybe the discord does?? Not too sure but yeah just a warning!! Also, it's been brought to my attention that cabbage (the artist shown here) has stepped away from this project!! I'll share the tweet from cabbage here v

(ily @ncalabby )

[awkward-writes-shit]

Mercenaries x Reader on Laughing Gas who calls them handsome

In this order; Heavy, Medic, Spy, Sniper, Scout, Demoman, Engineer, Soldier, Pyro

Heavy

“You’re handsome…”

The man was too stunned to speak. Medic told him you were going to be real honest when under laughing gas, but he wants expecting THIS.

He finds you adorable like this. You’re absolutely smaller than him (Unless you’re a tall queen/ruler/king, in which we stan * finger snaps *) and carries you around until you’re able to think straight again.

10/10.

Medic

He puts you under just for fun because he finds you cute like this, so he’s gotten used to your loopy speech

“You’re handsome…” “Danke Taube.”

Still makes him giddy every time you compliment him though. Watches you stumble around the room like a toddler.

7/10

Spy

”You’re handsome…”

He knows. He appreciates it, but he knows.

“Merci. You’re a mess…”

Finds your loopy behaviour cute and slightly entertaining. Wouldn’t actively go out of his way to help you, but will keep an eye on you so you don’t end up killing yourself.

6/10

Sniper

“You’re handsome…”

He’s flustered immediately, does the awkward pulling hat down to cover the blush move.

“Thanks Sheila…”

Probably gonna get baby locked in his van due to him not wanting you to get hurt, but also having no idea how to care for you.

8/10

Scout

“You’re handsome…”

Stop inflating his ego, you’ve doomed the others for the next hour.

“YA’ HEAR THAT BUSH MAN?! MA GIRL THINKS I’M HANDSOME”

Bro probably puts you on one of those weird monkey leashes that you put bad kids on (Couldn’t be me…) and just watches you with so much entertainment.

8/10

Demoman

“You’re handsome…”

Dude’s drunk 24/7 so you’re basically the same person at this point.

“No, YER handsome… Beautiful… Pretty… Yeah…”

He’s constantly taking care of his mom, so you’re in good hands. No sharp objects, no fire, no Pyro, absolutely no Pyro, you’re safe.

10/10

Engineer

“You’re handsome…”

So much blush on that poor Texas man’s face.

“Aw… Thanks sweet pea… How ya’ feelin’?”

We stan a man who’s concerned about you. Keeps you in his workshop while he works. More than willing to explain to you what he’s doing like you’re 5.

10/10

Soldier

“You’re handsome…”

He’s a really loud person so everyone is going to know that you called him handsome.

“OF COURSE I’M HANDSOME! I AM THE GREATEST AMERICAN ON EARTH!”

Dude would have no idea what to do with you. Heavy just ends up taking care of you.

2/10

Pyro

“You’re handsome…”

‘Happy Pyro noises’

Definitely not the best at taking care of people, but in you’re loopy state, he’s amazing.

Y’all are absolutely gonna do stuff like colouring, playing with his unicorns, and absolutely cuddling.

[mrsvalentinefucker1]

Support class dick hc, kinks + How they fuck

Cw: knives, rough sex, blood

Sniper

•Dick: I’d say about 6, 6 1/2 inches if I’m being generous here. Definitely not thin, it’s got some girth to it that’s for sure. He never ever clean shaves he thinks it looks weird (he’s not wrong) so he’ll definitely just trim up a little or maybe not at all. Wild man moment. Plus, he kinda loves the scruffy look he has going on. I know everyone says he’s uncircumcised and i definitely agree with that. Tip is not red but definitely a deep pink, it’s cute. Two visible veins, one on the top of his shaft and one underneath it. So he’s very very sensitive.

•How he fucks: Rough. He likes to be fucked hard and to fuck hard. His favorite position to see you in is definitely mating press or doggy style (with a knife to your throat) he loves to see your face contort with pleasure and fear. He’s very vocal i mean haven’t you heard his voice lines. Come on. He loves telling you how great of a fuck toy you can be when you aren’t being a cunt or a teasing slut. He doesn’t have a favorite place to cum really.. Whenever he gets his rocks off is where it stays so.

•Kinks

Praise: definitely, but backhanded praise “look at you, good little slut.” Stuff like that you know?

Predator vs prey play: I know this is so basic but oh my goodness he LOVE LOVE LOVEEEESSS to chase you down and just fuck your brains out if your skull. Like I said, he likes it rough. (Me next)

Knife play: Ofc this is one of them. That mf is a literal animal. He just likes the power trip tbh. Having your life in his very hands, though he’d never do anything to ever hurt it.. it’s hot to watch your fearful eyes and if you enjoy it just as much as he does, you’re in for a ride of dirty talk and rough hard sex.

Public sex: touching you while in public. Something about it. Maybe it’s bc he likes to tease and see how long you can last without gripping his arm while shaking and begging to cum or maybe it’s because nobody around you can (probably) tell how good he’s pleasing you, and how they’ll never get a chance to touch a wonderful lady like you the way he does. Who knows

BREEDING: Though he is scared to have kids and will take every procedure to make sure you won’t get pregnant, he still loves to just cum inside of you all day, everyday. (Same sniper.)

Stepping: he probably likes to be stepped on. He’ll buy you beautiful, expensive heels just so you can step on him or press against his hard cock. (Meow.)

Spy

•Dick: solid 5 1/2, it’s not too thin but not exactly thick.. it stretches you very very nicely that is for sure. He trims it constantly. He is never out of order, he takes too much pride in himself to let it grow out like that wretched bushman. Uncircumcised, his dick skin is like.. oddly soft and velvety. One small vein on the side of his cock, it’s nice. Tip, I’d say, is a light cute pink.

•How he fucks: He either makes love for a long time or he plows you hard. Usually both. He rides the fine line very well. While he goes at it soft and caring, he teases you a lot. Vibrators, toys, his finger, his mouth. He just likes to tease you a lot.. but once he slips in, its game over for him. He can’t help it. He has to fuck you like an animal in heat.

•Kinks

Lingerie for sure. He loves to either buy them for you to give you his card to buy yourself some and then surprise him with it! (Will probably write a fic based off this)

Spanking or brat taming: He will absolutely wreck your ass if you talk back to flirt with ANYONE. He will spank you so hard you’ll become a babbling mess.

Body worship: Giving or receiving, he loves to tease you by kissing down your gorgeous body and leave small bites all over you. Nipping, kissing, nipping, kissing. You know. Backhanded kisses

Medic

•Dick: He’s German and from my experience, they’re packing serious heat. 7 inches hard. Argue with the wall because I will not listen. Tummy bulge will happen so be prepared. Much like spy he keeps himself in check, trims every couple of days. Circumcised, dark pink with a red hue tip. It’s sensitive as hell. No visible veins until he gets to fucking, then they all start popping out. Thick. Hard stretch that’s for sure.

•How he fucks: They all fuck hard but him.. dear lord. Pray and buckle up because he will bruise your cervix. He pounds. He doesn’t even fuck, HE SLAMS. bed? broken, operating table? broken, desk? Broken twice. He loves to just fuck you into a mindless mess. That’s all

•Kinks

Roleplay: He loves to roleplay anything really. Nurse and doctor, doctor and patient, boss and intern, things like that.

Knife play: scalpels are going to be pressed against your skin.. which leads me to my next kink hc

Blood kink: Licks the blood off of your wounds or the small cuts he marks your body with. If you have a period, best believe he will be begging to fuck you on it

“Meine Liebe! It feels so much better when you’re on your period, it also relieves cramps too!”

[ramblinscramblin]

→ General kissing headcanons!

Genre: fluff! GN reader

Characters: all mercenaries

Requested by me! First one of these, still getting a feel for writing for a lot these characters so forgive me if it’s ooc, I try my hardest! Enjoy!

Scout

Spends more time talking about kissing then actually doing it, psychs himself out a lot of time, may end up not even being able to do it.

He’s a nervous wreck when it comes to initiating physical contact, you’ll have to initiate most of the kisses most of the time (hehe).

Will pretend it’s you who’s nervous though, even if that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

“Look at you, you’re tremblin’ in your seat! Maybe some other night…” he said once, throwing an uncaring arm around the back of the couch.

“Scout, I’m not nervous… are you?” You pause for a moment, scanning his burning face “you are!”

“Nah! I’m not! What’s there to be nervous ’bout? Who even friggin’ cares not me! I’m relaxed!” He shouted as he quickly jumped to his feet “forget this! Im leavin’!”

Despite his reservations, once the two of you actually get into it, he warms up nicely. The anticipation is really what drives him crazy.

Scout definitely grabs at you whenever you two kiss, whatever he can reach really, your hips, jaw, neck, hands, thighs, whatever is closest.

Most of Scouts kisses are good natured, short, and sweet, he interrupts himself often to start a new train of thoughts. Extremely chatty during make out sessions, it’s almost endearing.

Deeper kisses are a pretty dangerous game for him, so he tends to keep that behavior for the bedroom.

Enjoys a good kiss on his forehead, would fucking die before he admitted that though.

Demoman

Really easy lover in pretty much every regard.

Demoman is looking for a good time, all the time, so long as you treat him with respect, kisses are pretty hard not to come by.

He’s almost always the one to make the first move (usually using a little bit of liquid courage to put a pep in his step).

“Yer lookin’ right as ever, wasna mor’ bonny cunt all night,” he said with a massive grin.

Sometimes it was a little hard to understand what he was saying, his facial expression usually tells you whether he means “cunt” in a negative or positive way. Clearly he is more than well intentioned.

“I’m… sorry,” you apologize with a gentle laugh “what was that?”

He placed a soft kiss right on the side of your mouth “I meant you look good, laddie/lassie.”

After that he pretty much kisses you all the time whenever for whatever.

LOVES IT when you take the reins though and kiss him, he always scoops you up and gives a big laugh, making a huge spectacle out of it.

Lots of drunk making out, I don’t make the rules.

Kisses you wherever you let him, no real preference, but loves to kiss your cheek and you his.

Solider

Solider is honestly a pretty hard read for me.

I feel like Solider takes most his cues from you, if you’re shy and nervous, he tends to act the same, if you’re confident and assertive, so is he.

Surprisingly, doesn’t take the lead very often, prefers if you tell him what you want, he hates reading social situations, especially when he tends to fail so often.

“Hey Solider,” you greet warmly one day.

“Hello maggot!” Strangely, despite the antagonistic nature of the nickname he still salutes you as you approach.

The two of you stand silently for a moment, before inevitably asking your most burning question “wanna make out?”

“Affirmative,” he said enthusiastically.

Most things with Solider are pretty simple, he’s a no nonsense fellow, he likes things to be American, and straight forward.

Kisses from him are always really fulfilling and deep, he likes kissing you before and after battle for “good luck”.

Kisses you on the back your neck and shoulders whenever they’re out, he loves that tender shit.

He likes to be taken seriously in his romances, no jokes during those times.

Always grabs the nape of your neck, almost always pulls away smiling. He’s a sweet heart.

Pyro

Pyro loves kisses.

Always secretly angling for them, anyway they can.

Pyro came up to you early one morning, a plate full of… what may at some point been then cinnamon buns saved in the communal fridge, but now were burnt to a crisp.

“Oh… is this for me! Thank you,” you smiled politely, taking the plate in your hands.

“Hudda hudda!” Mumbled Pyro happily, hands clasped in excitement.

You leaned forward and place a soft kiss on the side of their mask.

Pyro was so geeked and giddy, they didn’t even realize that you had discarded the cinnamon buns behind your back.

Big cartoony kisses on their mask, make a big show of it, with a loud “mwah!” As you pull away, they’re already melting.

Most kisses come when Pyro and you are cuddling, which is also a frequently required assignment from Pyro.

Every time they kiss you, you can hear a very muffled and yet extremely enthusiastic smecking sound from inside their mask.

Spy

Spy is headstrong with romance, never the kind of guy to pull his punches. He’s so charming though that you may not even notice.

He’s a gentleman, so there is actually a lot that has to happen before he is willing to kiss you.

Lots of flirting and courting, everything, the entire nine yards. Makes you feel like royalty. First date also needs to happen before he kisses you.

“I can pull out my own seat, Spy,” you scold a little half heartedly.

Spy just stares at you, half offended for a moment before saying “don’t speak nonsense, mon amor! It’s bad luck!”

You hardly lift a finger during the entire date, even goes as far as feeding you, ends the night with an incredibly scenic walk back home and a kiss under the New Mexico moonlight.

Once kissing becomes regular for the two of you… it still almost always treated like a first kiss. Passionate, polite, loving. Spy is honestly so dreamy when he’s courting someone.

Doesn’t take much to bring out his hungrier side though, craves your kisses a little too insatiably at times. He just cannot get enough of you!

Hand kisses, constant hand kisses. Holds your hand often so it is easy to quickly bring to his lips for a quick peck.

Sniper

Sniper may take the longest to convince out of all of them.

I mean you can rush into it and kiss him unexpectedly, but really you’d be shooting yourself in the foot. Plus Sniper deserves to be worked for.

Spending constant quality time takes a lot of effort, but it’s what is required to get him even close to comfortable with the idea of kissing someone.

Tends to stay out of the romance scene, things can get messy in his profession he doesn’t want to drag anyone else into it.

But oh god he thinks about it constantly, especially when you start hanging around more and more, too strict on policy to admit it.

But if it’s technically your idea? Well… it wouldn’t exactly be very polite to decline now would it?

You’re sitting with him around a campfire, shoulder to shoulder on a log he cut a little too short (definitely not on purpose).

“So… quiet night,” you say, peeking up at him with a crooked smile.

“Uh, yup. That’s right,” he said quietly, staring down at you intensely.

Your eyes darted to his lips for just a second, but that was more than enough, you two were locked together for over an hour.

Acts awkward around you almost every single time you kiss him, not matter how long it’s been. He just cannot seem to get used to it. Don’t bring it up though, it will put him off.

Kissing snipes is rewarding every damn time because of how hard you have to work for it.

He likes to whisper sweet nothings between kisses, don’t acknowledge it, in fact don’t acknowledge any of it (Mick does not want to be perceived).

Kisses your temple, frequently. Loves if you pick up the same habit.

Engie

Engie is a fiend for physical affection, it’s a secret you’re not supposed to know about it though.

Finds kissing to be the most important part of a relationship, really values the whole intimacy of it.

Even despite that I imagine that he’s not really flashy about his approach with how to get kisses, talks around it mostly, making jokes and jabs about it.

Engie is probably the most emotionally intelligent out of all the mercs, so he’ll work up the courage eventually just give him a minute or two.

“So… we’ve been gettin’ pretty close, havin’ a good time an’ all,” he said subtly while you were alone with him.

“Yeah, I’d agree,” you respond with a grin.

He shrugs, trying to appear nonchalant and confident “I think maybe we should take things to the next level, wha’d’ya say?”

Of course you accept, he’s still immensely shocked and red in the face about it though.

He likes really sudden like sickly sweet kisses, give him that corny rom-com stuff right now, he will absolutely melt.

Also likes to kiss while he hugs you, big into slipping his hands into your pockets while he does so.

Kisses your head a lot (if you’re taller than him he gets annoyed frequently that he can’t reach, you’re his prime target every time you sit down).

Just love on this man, he’s simple.

Medic

Despite how insane this guy is I feel like Medic is pretty coy with romance.

Not in a way that is shy, or insecure, or even nervous, he just enjoys being chased, he wants you to have to work for it at least a little bit.

You also have to prove to be someone worthy of his affection (which isn’t as hard as it sounds, show genuine interest in his interests and be sweet to his birds there you won).

Medic has a pretty lax kissing policy, he greets people with kisses all the time, so he wasn’t really shy with you even if things progressed more seriously.

“Oh! Good morning!” Medic exclaimed, placing a kick peck on the side of your lips.

Embarrassment clear on your face as you raise your hands in surprise, his good morning friendly kisses are usually placed squarely on the cheek, not so close to your mouth.

“Little eager this morning aren’t you?” You said in a teasing manner.

He shrugged a little, making a cheeky expression “I have no idea vhat you are talking about!”

Kisses at inopportune or awkward times, never seems to notice. Genuinely enjoys catching you off guard.

Likes make out sessions in his office a lot, secretly making mental notes about your oral situation, totally not creepy.

Expect a lot of kisses right next to your mouth, that’s his absolute favorite spot to kiss you, that or along your spine.

Heavy

Heavy is respectful to a fault honestly, is afraid of seeming creepy or imposing so he may keep his distance at first.

Definitely needs to go ahead from you before he thinks about making any moves, he doesn’t want to scare you away, and he doesn’t want to ruin his chances either. But once he sense a mutual attraction? He may get a little more bold.

“Is looking good tonight,” he said, elbowing you as lightly as possible.

“Who is?” You ask whipping your head around briefly.

Heavy laughed “you is,” he joked.

Kissing is almost always initiated by you, he has to be a special mood to start it himself, usually if he’s upset and needs a quick pick me up.

Is actually very clingy if you allow him to be (which of course you will, don’t be stupid people) holds you firmly in place while kissing.

Likes kissing your ears, finds your flustered reaction so sweet and adorable. Really into that pure shit.

Kisses you on the cheek whenever the two of you go your separate ways for whatever reason, and of course when you two reunite. Yes, you’re that couple.

God I’m such a sap, what’s wrong with me.

An: oh jeez! I hope that was good Σ(-᷅_-᷄๑) again first time writing for a lot of these gents so let’s pray this isn’t offensively out of character. Thanks so much for reading!

[bingleboy]

Hey there

*slides some lint, buttons and a very bent paperclip*

do you think you could do all Merc’s headcanon about what they would do for a nightly routine (maybe with the reader I dunnoooo 😋).

*flutters eyelashes cutely*

NO WAY DUDE I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS EXACT THING BEFORE..... GET OUT OF MY FREAKING HEAD

♡ TF2 Night Routines Headcanons ♡

Written as if they are in a romantic relationship with reader :3 teehee, all SFW. sleeping together but not SLEEPING together you freak

(under a read more just bc there's a lot)

⚾️ Scout ⚾️

Usually hates going to bed, even when he’s really tired. Just laying down and doing nothing is so boring. His mind wanders a lot, keeping him awake anyways.

He doesn’t always brush his teeth and wash his face before bad. He’ll do it more if you point it out though, or do it with him. He doesn’t really care if he’s gross, but he cares about what you think.

For pajamas, he wears a white tank top and red plaid pants. It's a classic

When you’re not there, he’ll stay up drawing, reading comics (looking at the pictures), or checking himself out in the mirror until he’s so tired he can’t keep his eyes open anymore.

Oh, but if you’re there, it’s great!

Doing all those things is so much more enjoyable with company. Even if you’re not as hyper as him, he likes that you listen to him. Gives him that warm tingly feeling inside.

He's used to sharing his space, so there won't even be an awkward phase when you sleep over for the first time, just jumps right into it

If you get tired earlier than him, he might groan and tell you to stay up later so you can have more time together, but he feels bad when he sees you looking exhausted. In the end he sucks it up and goes to bed earlier. He definitely thinks you’re cute when you’re tired, he would tease you a bit about it.

Time for cuddles baby

He insists on being the big spoon if there is any spooning to be done. He likes putting his chin on your shoulder to press his cheek to yours and holding you tight.

(Maybe he'll let you be the big spoon if you've been dating a while. And if you swear not to tell anyone about it.)

Other times during cuddles, it’s not really a certain position, you’re just tangled together. As long as his arms are around you, he’s happy.

Cuddling with you definitely helps him sleep. Instead of his mind wandering to stuff that would stress him out, he’s just thinking about you and how nice and warm you are.

🥪 Heavy 🥪

Goes to bed relatively early. He has shit to do in the morning, and he is a responsible man who needs his sleep.

If you stay up late, he will not-so-subtly suggest you go to bed earlier too. He cares about your health, and if that means dragging you to bed, then so be it.

Ok he wouldn't literally drag you, but he would make you feel guilty for making him go to bed by himself

"Oh, is fine.... just me and Sasha again tonight..."

For his pajamas, I imagine a nice basic long-sleeve shirt with a collar and pants, maybe with stripes. I think he'd like to be cozy

Man is tidy. Face washed, teeth brushed, pajamas on. It's nothing fancy, but he has a good routine.

Most definitely reads before bed, he's an intellectual. He prefers reading Russian literature just to relax. It's always like a thick-ass book with a dusty cover on it

Idk if this is canon or not but I think he deserves to wear little reading glasses. It would be so cute guys come on

If you ask him to read out loud or to share the book with you, he'll be very endeared by that. Knowing that you want to share it with him is really sweet, and of course he'll read to you

You're cozied up next to him in bed while reading, maybe with some hot chocolate or tea :] AWWW

He loves it if you fall asleep resting against him, like with your head on his shoulder of his chest

He also loves it if you fall asleep first, because he finds it cute. He'll gently set his book down and turn off the bedside lamp before settling down beside you with a sleepy smile.

🔥 Pyro 🔥

Pyro looks forward to going to bed! They don't have a particular time they go to bed, but they have no problem relaxing, especially when you're there

They do take their mask off to brush their teeth and wash their face, but they will not do it in front of you. It’s not that they don’t trust you, it just feels like a private moment to them

Their pajamas could be one of two options: the blue striped pajama set + nightcap combo OR a soft onesie. My first thought was a unicorn onesie, but really there's many animal possibilities here

See "Cat's Pajamas":

When they sleep is pretty much the only time they take off their mask. It would definitely take a lot of trust for them to show their face to you

Even when they get comfortable being "bare" in front of you, they tend to be more quiet when their mask is off, like they're not used to their words being unmuffled by it. They talk softly, which is actually very comforting

After the self-care and changing is done, they go back to their room, light a scented candle, then tuck their many plushies into bed. If you’re sleeping over, you’ll be lined up with them and getting tucked in too, no way around it.

Pyro would slide into bed with you, getting cozy with the blanket up to their shoulders and turn to you.

They’re a cuddler, usually, but they really just like a simple hug facing you. Facing away from you while cuddling just feels weird.

They like listening to you talk about your day, nodding along as you speak. They might fiddle with your hair or the edge of your pajama shirt too

Now is also a good opportunity for them to talk and actually be understood! They like telling you about their day too

I think they would usually fall asleep first :]

🗡 Spy 🗡

Definitely has a velvety soft maroon robe to wear in the evenings, and besides that, it’s a silk pajama set with matching slippers. Obviously. He would tolerate nothing less.

If you're really getting serious, he'll offer you a matching robe. He's so extra he'd get your robe like embroidered with your initials on it

Yay, you get to see him with his mask off!!!

He likes to spend a long while relaxing before even getting into bed, like drinking tea or wine while reading in front of the fireplace

He takes a lot of care into making sure you're comfortable too

He's not personally into face masks or that beauty-centered self-care stuff, but he finds it endearing if you are, and will supply you with only the best products to use

He likes seeing the difference between your 'professional' self and your relaxed self when it's just the two of you. It reminds him that what you two have is special

Speaks French more often while you're winding down. He'll usually translate for you if you ask, but sometimes he'll tease you by refusing to

He's more comfortable giving affection than receiving it, though he's good at hiding that under the guise of just being a generous lover

He'd give a killer shoulder massage if you're tense. He feels proud when he can make you melt into the bed

He's not super cuddly, but he does still enjoy it if you are. He prefers sleeping on his back, so he likes to put an arm around you while you lean into his side

He could fall asleep first if he wanted to, but he keeps himself awake until he's sure you're asleep

He snores a little bit guys. It's not that bad, really, but, it is noticeable

🎯 Sniper 🎯

Just sleeps in his black boxer briefs. It’s comfortable.

Okay, if you're around (depending on how long you've been together), he might be a little more shy and wear pajama pants, but still no shirt

(biased bc i wanna see his chest teehee)

Similarly to Spy, he likes to spend his evening relaxing. He's outside on his plastic lawnchair sippin' a cold beer with the boys

He doesn't have a set time for going to bed, he'll go to bed when you do. When you're not around, I'd say 10pm is the average

He'd usually prefer sleeping in his van to sleeping in the base, just because of the noise of the others, but he finds staying in your room kind of nice too. He likes poking around your things, it's sort of like looking into your head

Wherever you sleep, he fucking loves a little bit of ambience to fall asleep to, like crickets or rain on the roof. If those aren't present, maybe the radio playing quietly

He likes holding you while cuddling, but if you want to hold him, he's kind of shook. He didn't know that was an option

He likes being held by you when it's time to sleep though. Let him put his head on your chest and he will pass out

Especially if you pet his hair?!?!?! ITS OVER

May or may not drool on you a little bit

🔧 Engineer 🔧

Wears an old t-shirt and boxers/ boxer briefs. Also a good robe and slippers enjoyer, but he usually wears those when he gets up the next morning

SILLY HEART BOXERS

He does get wrapped up in work/tinkering with things for fun, but I think he would get tired towards 10/11pm, so he's not too bad about staying up too late

He'll also go to bed sooner if you do, no questions asked. He greatly prefers going to bed together

That also means he will insist you go to bed when he does

Won't leave you alone until you agree to go to bed. Very firm on his stance, crossed arms and everything

He likes literally going through your routine together, like sharing the bathroom while washing your face and brushing your teeth :] he likes that sort of domestic comfort

He also really like seeing you in your pajamas, whatever you choose to wear. You're so pretty/handsome when you don't even try

I don't think he would usually read before bed, he wants to give his brain a little break

He'd unwind by having a soft conversation with you as you two settled into bed, go over the day and maybe make some plans for tomorrow

He always compliments you.

"You did a real good job out there today, sweetheart. You've earned some shut-eye. Sweet dreams, darlin'."

Yeah this guy fucking cuddles

Let him be the big spoon he deserves it

He logically knows you're not small or weak, you certainly don't need his protection, but like... when he holds you he just gets that warm feeling of protecting someone he loves. Like, you're safe. :] D'AWWWW

💉 Medic 💉

Also a contender for the striped pajamas + sleeping cap combo. If not that, he would wear a nice button-up pajama set.

You would think he would have a good routine since he understands order is important, but... no. No, he doesn't.

He goes to bed at wildly varying times, from between 9pm to 4am, depending on how tired the day made him and how much "important work" he has to get done

One thing he puts more care into though is the night routine for his doves. He feeds them their seed and pets their little heads before he closes the cage up for the night. He kind of thinks of it as saying goodnight to his children, and it definitely makes him smile

He has a bad habit of falling asleep at his desk. Come get your man please, he's getting back problems

💜 Miss Pauling 💜

Okay, a lot of the time she falls asleep in her day clothes. Sometimes she actually wears a nightgown- light pink, long, loose and comfy.

She finally lets her hair down and she looks so cute when she's tired (which is unfortunately a lot)

By god, does this woman need sleep.

She pushes aside her own self-care for work stuff often, but she does try to at least brush her teeth every night

By the nature of her job and just her own personality, it can be hard to relax. She's always planning ahead and thinking of the next thing. She might definitely needs your help

This would happen once in a blue moon, but her ideal night time routine is finally taking an evening to fully relax with you

Bath, scented candles, face masks, painting nails, all of it

Well, actually minus painting nails because it wouldn't last long anyway. But all the other stuff!!!

She'd also enjoy cuddling with you on the couch while watching a movie and munching on buttered popcorn. I think she can appreciate a fun rom-com, but she usually prefers more gritty action movies. She would love Mad Max I know it

More often what happens is she comes home late, groans while she kicks her shoes off, brushes her teeth, and flops into bed where you already are

At least she still gets her cuddles

🇺🇸 Soldier 🇺🇸

Sleeps in his US flag boxers and that's it

Has an alarm set for 9 o'clock, at which IT IS TIME TO GET READY FOR BED MAGGOT

you do have to go to bed at the same time as him, he is yelling at you

you take turns brushing you teeth and flossing at the sink so he can (lovingly) yell at you through that too

He's being motivational!!

"THAT'S IT SOLDIER, I WANNA SEE SMALL CIRCLES!! SMALL CIRCLES!! BARE YOUR TEETH LIKE A REAL AMERICAN"

another alarm at 10 o'clock when you should be FIRMLY tucked in

You know how kids pretend their bed is like a fortress or a castle they need to protect? I think he's like that but for real

You will be getting aggressively tucked in and kissed on the forehead

"GOODNIGHT CUPCAKE!!!!!!!!!!!"

He's okay with cuddling or not, but it's very black and white. Either he is beside you, stiff as a board, or wrapped around you leaving no possible escape

Either way, he doesn't move much in his sleep

Snores. Loudly. :(

Also wakes up at the asscrack of dawn, so look forward to that

💥 Demoman 💥

For pajamas, he wears a t-shirt and plaid pajama pants, very comfy

He likes being involved and helping with your routine if he can, like fixing you tea to drink together or brushing your hair for you

He'll shower you in compliments! YOU ARE SO STINKIN' CUTE LAD/LASS

Of course, there are plenty of nights when he is entirely too drunk to go through his routine

You can try to lug him to the bathroom and help him brush his teeth, but he is gonna be laughing and leaning on you, making it very difficult

The cuddling he likes is like. One of you is just a blanket for the other one

He really doesn't mind whether its him or you on top, he just likes it ok. It's nice when you're on top because he can rub his hands over your back

If he's drunk, he may be exhausted but he will still be yapping for a good 15 minutes

Sober demo: gentle, soothing cuddles :]

Drunk demo: vice grip you are never fucking escaping

Also lots of kisses on your face, drunk or sober

Thank you for the request! I hope you like it :]

[literallypyro]

Three (mostly) random headcanons for all the mercs!

Warnings: none

Genre: fluff, angst if you squint

Scout:

-He can cook, but only WITHOUT a recipe. Look, I know he's illiterate, so just imagine someone's reading it to him, mkay? Idk what it is, but when he has to follow a recipe, it ends in disaster. Let him wing it, and you'll think you're at a 5 star restaurant.

-Tells his mom all about you. She basically knows everything about you, and it's not because she asked.

-Total malewife. What you say GOES (unless you tell him to stop buying Bonk. That's a losing battle, toots. When has a little radiation ever hurt anyone?)

Soldier:

-While this man is virtually never quiet, he's noticeably the least loud around you. Unless you feed into his loudness. If that's the case, may God have mercy on the rest of the team's souls.

-He isn't book smart, and with a lot of people, emotional intelligence isn't really his strong suit either. But around you? It's like this mf has a sixth sense. It's almost concerning. You CANNOT hide your emotions from this guy.

-Please for the love of all that is American, take this man to a chiropractor. I know he's used to rocket jumping, but that's precisely the issue. He doesn't even realize how fucked up his joints are.

Pyro:

-Actually the sweetest ever. Just cuz they're crazy doesn't mean they aren't the silliest hopeless romantic ever. Can't kiss you through the mask, but will damn sure try. They have left a print on your cheek from pressing their mask into it before, and they will do it again.

-If someone disrespects you, they will be catching Pyro's hands. The flamethrower will be saved for when the idiot who insulted you can't use any of their limbs.

-CLINGS to you when it's bed time. You'll have to wait until they fall asleep if you want out of their grasp (but why would you?)

Demoman:

-Never short on stories. If you're bored, just say so, and he already has five stories in mind that he hasn't told you yet. Sometimes he laughs a little too hard and it takes a minute to get back to the story.

-PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE compliment this man. We see how quickly he can swing between insecure and confident. Additionally, he would absolutely adore any eye patches you make him. If you make him multiple, he's switching them out every day. Make ones for specific occasions, and bro is at your mercy.

-If you can out drink him, or even just keep up, he's lowkey worried about you. He knows he has a problem. He's actually pretty realistic about it. He WILL be asking if there's something you want to talk about at some point.

Heavy:

-He knows you don't need to be protected at all times, but he has a hard time letting you defend yourself. Just look at the way he grew up. A big chunk of this man's personality is just "bodyguard to loved ones". You will have to bring his attention to it if you want him to back off, and as soon as you do, he listens. It's mostly out of habit, if I'm being honest.

-Lord help anyone who makes you uncomfortable. He gets such a threatening look on his face as he asks the person questions that don't SOUND like threats, but they damn sure feel like threats.

-Oh, you thought he wouldn't go out of his way to write translated versions of his Russian books so you can read them when he's not around? Well you're WRONG. If you ask if he has translated versions of his books, he won't tell you he was the one who translated them, but you recognize his handwriting.

Engineer:

-This guy will grill out every single day if you ask him to. Burgers? Got it. Hot dogs? Easy peasy. Smoked ribs? Don't gotta ask him twice! Mans will make sure every craving you have is satisfied, or may lightning strike him where he stands.

-He has already memorized your schedule. You were about to take a shower but- it's already on? No one's in there??? And it's at the perfect temperature???? Not to mention how your laundry was mysteriously folded when you were too tired to do it all at once... Safe to say, even though it was unintentional, he has committed every single one of your habits to memory like a tattoo.

-This man is a thinking, breathing jukebox. Can play literally any song from any genre off the top of his head. He can also easily convert songs to different genres.

Medic:

-He actually has amazing handwriting when it comes to signatures. The only reason he writes like a stereotypical doctor is because he wants to be able to switch up last second if he needs to.

-You are one of the very few people he trusts to watch his birds, and it's because he knows you know how he is. Did you forget about the whole baboon uterus thing? Surely not.

-Actually surprisingly careful with you. He'd be mentally punching himself if the rib thing with Heavy happened to you. Even owns your soul so the devil can't try to use you against him.

Sniper:

-Your are literally the only reason he would sleep in the base at night, but he REALLY prefers you sleep in the camper with him. He's kinda clingy, but not to Pyro's extent. Seeing how he is with everyone else, he obviously understands personal space.

-Secretly has the voice of an angel. He has intense stage fright about it, though, so NOBODY is about to find out.

-If you're scared or over-cautious of animals, he's definitely gonna fix that. He'll ease you into it, but given the time, you will have pet and fed every animal he can get his hands on.

Spy:

-We've all seen how much of a romantic this guy is. You are getting absolutely SPOILED ROTTEN when he is around. Hold his arm anytime you want. You want flowers? Tell him which ones, what color, and from where, darling. Can't dance? Well, he's pretending not to notice. He gazes at you lovingly, and you can't even tell he's in immense pain from you stepping on his feet.

-Has every high end cologne and has a different one for every occasion. This guy has SO MANY. He even has different ones for different restaurants. You could consider it a hyperfixation if you wanted to.

-You are his queen/king/monarch and WILL NOT let you forget it. Tells you every single day, sometimes multiple times a day how important you are to him and how much he cherishes you. Who cares if the team is around? They're just mad he got to you first, ma beauté.

[whaleofatjme1920]

How Much I Would Trust the People of TF2 at Pools with Me and How Much You Should Trust Them Too

I'm a lifeguard, lifeguard instructor and swim instructor you should definitely trust me

Reblogs are appreciated!!

Scout

6/10

I think he can swim surprisingly well. Like, not any actual stroke but he can stay alive in water.

Going to start splash wars. It's a mess. He will also play chicken with people and cheat while doing so.

Yeah he brings a lot of diving toys. Good luck. Fails to bring goggles and complains about chlorine in his eyes. Bit of a mess innit.

DOES NOT WEAR SUNSCREEN and gets burnt. Badly. He will be complaining about it for DAYS after the fact.

Soldier

5/10

Jane can absolutely swim. Just not... gracefully.

Acts a lot like those dogs that jump on their owners thinking they're drowning and just wants to help.

Will have a cannonball contest only if you say it's in the good of America.

Does enjoy 4th of July pool parties and LOVES flamingo and donut floaties. He and Zhanna like to rest on them together.

Pyro

2/10

Pyro doesn't really like swimming but isn't like, a hater of water.

Pyro would definitely hang out on the side and dip their feet in the water, kicking every now and then.

Usually naps in a lawn chair. Or, if on a beach, they'll build sandcastles and have lots of fun.

Sometimes will rest on a floatie. Likes water wings (water wings aren't safe). Likes sun bathing (plz make them wear sunscreen anyways).

Demoman

8/10

Literal selkie. I'm being so fr. He's a literal sea captain so. Man loves water.

Only reason he's an 8/10 is bc he likes to drink while lounging on the side of the pool and might need to be rescued at one point or another.

BUT he's really fun to play games with. Will jump in and have splash contests just as much as he wants to nap while laying on a floatie.

He will tell you nautical tales and legends from around the world. Great storyteller, and amazing at weaving tales of merfolk.

Heavy

9/10

makes sure everyone is wearing sunscreen and that the sunscreen is reapplied at safe intervals.

Likes to wear sunglasses and lounge around for a bit, but will actually legitimately swim. His breaststroke is actually pretty good. Butterfly is debatable.

He's going to keep tabs on everyone in the pool to make sure they're safe and not drowning.

He will also have a great BBQ. Mans the grill, doesn't let anyone touch it except for Dell, and Zhanna, He will NOT let Jane touch the grill.

Engineer

8/10

This is because he's really not swimming, more so of like, wading in the water with a cold beer in his hand but he's like your cool dad that hangs out and gets a bunch of cool stuff for the pool.

He's the one that buys or makes all the super cool floaties for the pool.

He also has towels and stuff ready for everyone. Does not want ANYONE dripping in the house so please dry off.

He will play his guitar at some point during the night after everyone's had their fun and light a fire for s'more purposes.

Medic

5/10

He's a menace in the pool. Surprisingly nimble in the water but like, a water snake or a shark, not a dolphin. He is not beneficial.

He asked to check the chlorine levels or check himself. Not because he actually cares, but because he wants to gross everyone else out.

He LOVES scaring people when in the water. He will jump up and climb up on you, and make everything hell for you.

If he isn't scaring you in the water and Jeremy isn't trying to drown him, he'll hang around the side of the pool sipping on cocktails and beer sunbathing like a lizard. This, after everyone's hounded him for wearing several layers of sunscreen.

Sniper

7/10

He's also a water dweller. He and Tavish spend a lot of time together talking in the shallow end about little myths and legends, and even have little races.

He's a very good swimmer. HIs fly is good, can't say the same for backstroke.

Water is like one of the only places he's not awkward because it's so comfortable to him. He has quite a few fond memories of his parents hanging around in the pool with him, tossing coins downwards so he could pick them up and even his father teaching him to swim.

He's a 7 out of 10 because he doesn't listen to anyone when they tell him to put more sunscreen on and he doesn't and gets BURNED.

Spy

4/10

He does not get in the water. Wears a speedo and it makes everyone uncomfortable and the balaclava but that's whatever.

He DOES wear sunscreen. Still wants to sun tan and even has a timer so he knows how long each side of him actually gets. Has sunglasses, listens to the music, and generally enjoys his time alone from everyone but also surrounded by them.

This does not stop Jeremy from splashing the ever loving hell out of him. Jeremy makes it a personal mission to mess with him.

He does end up having a water gun and does shoot Jeremy in the face with it MULTIPLE times. Might even raise his score to 10/10 tbh.

Miss Pauling

6/10

Yeah she's not getting in the water unless someone spends quite some time getting her in. She DOES know how to swim, and I think as a teen she was actually a lifeguard! but her relationship with the Administrator overworking her means she doesn't want to do ANYTHING.

I mean, she stays perpetually busy so it's everyone's personal mission to keep her phone away from her and tell the Administrator to bug off and leave her alone. So, when that happens you get her to rest on pool donuts.

She also sunbathes, but doesn't tan at all. She does cover herself in sun screen and wears a cute sun hat.

Her idea of having a nice time at the pool is with some iced tea, a good book, and enjoying the beautiful weather. She gets exactly that, minus Jeremy flirting with her, to which Spy will squirt him in the face again with his water gun.

Saxton Hale

-2/10

It's his pool everyone is using but that man makes everyone sign their soul to get in.

No one actually signs, just uses random google generated names and he can't be BOTHERED to check.

Mags also burns the contracts of anyone who actually signed. She thinks it's ridiculous that Saxton would even do that.

That said, he's not even AT the pool when everyone else is there because he can't be bothered. He wants to punch sharks. Mags will show up in a sun hat and bring a cooler of beer. She's the real 10/10.

The Administrator

-100/10

She does NOT show up. But if you manage to get her in, she hides in the shadows and hisses at the sun like a vampire.

She does NOT stop bothering Miss Pauling. Complains the whole time she's there.

She sneaks out at some point to get drunk somewhere else because everyone here was too 'low class' for her.

I don't like this woman. Stop inviting her to the party.

Zhanna

9/10

She's on the grill with Dell and they're a GREAT team together. She manages to cook everything so perfectly, people prefer her stuff to everyone else's.

She does better cannonballs than Jane. She's also a very graceful swimmer. Probably knows how to do some very basic artistic swimming skills, which she can teach you if you ask.

She likes to sunbathe as well, and likes to read as she does. I think she actually spends a lot of time with Miss Pauling, both of them resting together and enjoying the sun.

She will also drown Jeremy for him being a little shit around everyone else.

Merasmus

10/10

He summons mermaids.

What more can I say.

[the-teufort-nine]

Arousal hcs for the support class? What are they like when they’re horny?

Support Classes | What Support Is Like When They Need To Go To Horny Jail

Obviously, NSFW below!

Sniper:

<3 This man will go to insane lengths for privacy to jork it. Like, he will straight up drive off into the desert before his belt even gets unbuckled.

<3 UNLESS he gets hot 'n bothered during battle, and he has the object of his infatuation nearby his nest. Then they're getting yoinked off the battlefield and into his lap.

<3 Listen. This man is gross. I know this. You know this. Don't lie to yourself. He definitely has a scent kink and will snag his partner/crush's underwear to help him get off if they're not around.

<3 Get's FERAL when he's horny. If he's alone, he bites his hand so hard it bleeds, and if he's with someone, they ain't leavin' till he breeds. Expect lots of growls and snarls and rough love bites.

<3 Want him to get horny immediately? Stretch and show your neck/midriff.

<3 Likes post-nut snuggles. Don't expect him to be vocal for a little while.

Spy:

<3 Despite being such a romantic person who clearly gets bitches, he doesn't get horny very often. Like, if he's with someone, then obviously he doesn't have any problems getting it up, but he doesn't usually pop a boner midday.

<3 When he does though? Insatiable. This man is not going to settle for any old porn magazine. No, he's going to get his material straight from the source. Is this an invasion of privacy? Yes. Does he care? Right now, not at all.

<3 Acts just as stuttering and clumsy as his son if the person he's interested in shows up when he's trying to take care of himself, before he get's hella snappy. Either fuck off or come help him!

<3 Really slow to trust and get comfortable with someone. Don't expect the mask to come off until you have a super strong bond with Spy.

<3 Usually quiet if he's masturbating, but he likes to praise his partners. Lots of petting and light hair pulling to guide them.

<3 Wanna give him a 'problem?' Put on a classy outfit and take the lead. Tease him a little, and if you're good enough, he'll fold like wet, hard laundry.

<3 Post-nut cigarette inbound. King of aftercare, but please treat him nice too.

Medic:

<3 Exhibitionism! Get your exhibitionism here!

<3 This man has no shame. He won't do it, like, in the common areas, but if you walk into his Medbay or Room after work hours, that's on you. Def has masturbated on the battlefield before. Man's is a FREAK for blood and gore.

<3 Also pretty insatiable, though he gets hornier more often than Spy does. He can take care of himself, but he prefers a warm body to help him out.

<3 He's into bloodplay, doctor/nurse roleplay, and probably wound fucking, if I'm being honest. Also, he decided that, out of all the things he could of done to get back at Team Classic, he decided to get them pregnant.

<3 What i mean here is: Medic has a breeding kink, and he will make it a reality, no matter the sex of his partner.

<3 LOUD ASS GERMAN MAN. People know when he's taking care of himself or getting some. Please gag him. PLEASE.

<3 Wanna make him think with his other head? Dress up in a nurse outfit and/or rip someone's organs out. Fair warning, though, if you take the 'and' option, you'll be walking funny for a while, if you can walk at all.

<3 Great at cleaning you and him up post-nut. Gets clingy afterwards and very possesive. Pray your teammates don't accidentally stumble across you, because they're gonna meet a bloody end.

[prettyboypistol]

How to Seduce the TF2 Mercs

Scout

Pay attention to him. Give him genuine compliments and honest feedback. He wants to feel loved and like he's worth someone's time.

Kisses and physical affection. Mans thinks about the time you put your hand on his shoulder for weeks.

Just say you love him, man. He's been overlooked his whole life.

Soldier

Take him seriously- don't belittle him or make jokes about how he views the world. He knows he's a little crazy but he is genuinely trying his best to make the world a better place.

Defend him!!! If someone shit talks him, punch that motherfucker in the jaw!!

Honest discussions with you asking a lot of questions, take the time to get to know him and you'll have a defender for the rest of your life.

Pyro

Much like with Soldier, defend them and take the time to get to know them.

Gifts, gifts, gifts!!! Give them gifts!

Be a little flirty ;> don't baby them! Treat them like the adult they are!

Demoman

Bro just ask to fuck. He'll probably say yes.

He loves a bold mf that knows how to take what they want. Come on to him, buy him a drink, and ask if he's got any company for the night.

If you're going for something a little more long term, just remove the sleeping aspect. Just say you're interested in getting to know him you'll most likely get a date and see how things go.

Engineer

He's a sucker for practical use gifts (i.e. mechanical oil, a new wrench, etc) or sentimental gifts (photograph of you two, love letters)

Call him handsome! Call him pretty and a gentleman! Appeal to that cowboy energy and treat him all respectful like and you'll definitely catch his interest.

If you're not the type to do all that song and dance, go the opposite route. Stump him with a logistic problem and tease him about it. He'll nonstop think about you for months and bitch about you to his sentries.

Heavy

Mikhail likes hotheads and determined people, someone who's not afraid to fight if the situation comes to it.

Ask him about general things and slowburn that mf about nice conversations until you two can talk about personal things.

Ask him to help you clean your guns! Ask him weaponry questions about what would suit you better in the field!

Medic

GET THIS MAN SOME ORGANS. GET HIM SOME FUNDING!!!! get him a lil lovebirddddd

Take the time to get to know his birds and if the birds like you, Medic automatically likes you more.

Take an interest in his medical discoveries and his life! He's a prime yapper and wants to t a l k. That's why he never shuts up when doing surgery.

Spy

Romance him traditionally, to be honest. Keep it classy and court him like the romantic he is. Roses placed in his locker, prime dinners delivered to his door, BE A ROMANTIC ABOUT IT.

If you can't dance, ask him to teach you "for a mission" (He will know that you're the one behind all the flirtatious gestures bc he's SPY)

Butter up that man like he's a piece of toast. Handsome young man who captured your heart and holds it hostage. Classy gentleman that could get away with world domination with gorgeous eyes like that.

Sniper

Don't come on too strong, he's a bristly one. Be calm and casual. Hit him with that friends to lovers.

He's more of a tough nut to crack and insecure of if you actually like him, so be sure to flood his mind with ambiguous hints when you think you see signs of him showing interest in you.

To really seal yourself in his heart, spend a lot of quality time with him! Go camping, hunting, fishing, driving, anything that gets the both of you alone and quiet.

[habitabel]

My favorite genre of TF2 fanart is EEPY SNIPER fanart, examples:

I have a link to my board full of napping sniper art on my Pinterest I'll link it below 😝 (SEND ME MORE IF YOU FIND ANY

❗❗❗THIS IS NOT MY ART BTW THE ORIGINAL ARTISTS SHOULD BE ON THE PINTEREST BOARD I LINKED❗❗❗

[redamoureux]

Can i request some tf2 headcanons of some of the mercenary boys (it can be anyone i dont mind and i honestly have a hard time pick also i dont know if you have a character limit)developing a crush on someone from the enemy team(reader), who found the respective merc injured in a corner, and instead of finishing them off they hand the merc a nearby health kit and just tell them to be safe before running away. Hopefully that's something you'll do and thanks for letting me request! I really like your writing style and your little art doodles are always a pleasure to see!! Thanks again byebye hope you have a good day!

╰﹒ARE YOU FALLING IN LOVE?

General Red/Blu Engineer, Sniper, Spy headcanons/short

• genre: romantic

• a/n: Hey! Sorry for the super late answer- this was just kinda stuck in my draft so sorry for that! ( >_<) Also, glad to hear you enjoy my doodles :) also i like your idea, it actually reminds me alot of how i potray my verison of reader so that may have made me a little carried away while writing this- And yeah, i apologize if my rules aren't very clear, the character limits are around 3-4!

Engineer

Dang nabbit!

That stupid snake spy was up to it again. Sapping his buildings and hiding like a coward. A few fragments of the broken sentry manage to crash on his leg when he tried to fix it but it suddenly exploded likely due to misconception in the system.

Engineer groaned as he try to remove the metal off him which only resulted more pain to his crushed leg. Earlier on, the spy was able to land a few shots which he was able to barely survive from by pretending to be dead.

He was seriously going to get back at him at the next round. He vowed and began forming some sinistrous plans mentally as he still tried getting back up again.

As he looked around the surroundings, his eyes snapped to the health kit nearby. He knew it's hopeless at this point, but he tried just once again to reach it.

Suddenly, the sounds of distant shouting caught his attention. He looked at the corner where the noise was coming from and froze, hearing footsteps and a shadow coming closer to where he is.

Engineer could only stare, taking out his pistol and ready to give his best.

He was about to shoot when he sees your head peeking out the corner and the two of you lock eyes.

You gasped faintly, retreating back your head again, making engineer drop his gun down a little. For a while he only observes, expecting you to pop out again and this time with a weapon.

To his surprise however, you only slowly came closer with your medi-gun and stood infront of him, this made him distracted and you looked to the side seeing the health kit. He also look at the direction you were looking and then you two look back at each other.

You walked towards the kit and picked it up and came close to him as he watches closely, loosely letting the pistol down. You kneel down beside him and handed him the health kit, to which he can only gawk at for a moment before accepting it. You then peer at the metal scrap crushing his leg and motion to him to push it off while you try to lift it up.

At last, with some struggle, you succesfully were able to remove the scrap off.

He thanked you, feeling certainly grateful for your aid. You only smiled and nodded making engineer blush. Then you stood back up, picking your medi gun and gave him a final glance and a wave on your way back to outside.

He can only gaze at your frame leaving, still blushing and thinking about what just happened even while fixing himself up.

Sniper

Ah, piss.

Sniper was so close on pulling the trigger on a enemy's head when he just had to be shot a few times near his chest and shoulder by another sniper.

Now he's currently sitting on the floor, unable to really move due to his wounds. The medic is obviously too busy and far from his spot so all he could do for now is keeping his guards up while trying to ease the pain with some bandages he had.

As he's paying close attention to the ongoing battle, His eyes landed on you emerging from behind a rock, healing your team's scout with your medigun while charging forward.

Now his interest shifted from the enemy's fighting to just paying attention to you instead. He'd seen you time to time through the scope but usually you'd stay behind as extra help. He wasn't sure why sometimes when he aims for you, he'd hesitated. It's almost somewhat wrong.

His thoughts were interrupted by the stinging pain in his shoulder as he groan and lean closer to the wooden window. Suddenly your team soldier's shout rang aloud alerting about his presence.

Sniper panicked as he push himself far away from the wooden window, hearing fast footsteps rapidly approaching his spot. He took his kukri and prepare himself to fight.

Shortly to his surprise though, only you were the one who came. He was really close to attacking─ yet there it is again. The odd hesitating feeling. While being confused with his own choices, you took the medkit you found just outside and offered it to him. While you only smile, sniper is left dumbfound. By the fact that you're not trying to kill him here and there, but also because he did not notice there was even a health kit literally sitting feets away from him.

As he took the kit from you to heal himself, you also proceed to use your medigun to slightly fasten his healing process before you hear your name being called. You call back to them, confirming that you're okay. You gave him a wave and a warm smile before you quickly ran out to your team.

Sniper only sat down there at one of the crate boxes as he proceed the aimless thoughts in his mind about this encounter with you. Well, atleast now it seems like he knows the reason why he's so hesitant to hurt you.

Spy

Oh it's just perfect.

Spy sighs deeply in annoyance as he sat down in a corner with his burnt leg, arm and wounded stomach. His broken Invisibility watch in his hand as his attempts on turning it back on didn't work as it only let out a few sharp electric sparkings.

Great. His invis watch is broken and he is still in the enemy's section with the high possibility that anyone could easily figure out where he is. He feels oddly dreadful about this whole situation as he imagined the worst scenario that could happen in his mind.

It was all oddly quiet at first before he heard a few distinct voices and footsteps passing by. He tries to focus more on where the steps are heading to so he could escape before they caught him first.

He feels rather confused and irritated by the random noises and constant back and forth steps, combined with the pain he's feeling makes him want to just scream but he holds back. He takes deep breath and stood up and accidently hitting his wounded arm which he let out a yelp before he shuts himself up.

It was too late though. He heard some yelling and a brief talk before he hears footsteps once again. He tries to get away but it seems like he was not fast enough as by then, you appeared by the entrance.

You two stared at each other for a moment before he took out his revolver and aim it at you, but you quickly shot it away with your syringe gun.

Spy only looked at his hand then at you in shock. And he realizes that he's basically helpless at the hands of the enemy now.

So close to accepting this defeat, he stumble back and sat down with a tired and dejected look, closing his eyes.

Instead of a quick shot in the head, he felt something being dropped on his lap and a sudden soothing sensation enveloping his body. Confused, spy opens his eyes to see you standing infront of him, using your medigun on him and a healthkit on his lap. He's left baffled by this and was about to ask just what you were doing but you only shush him by nodding softly.

So the two of you only settled in silent as your medigun continue to help speeding up the process. He decided to take out another cigarette, placing it in his mouth and was about to light it up, but he wasn't able to find his lighter anywhere. Just then a lighter reached near his face and lighten the cigarette up for him. Your face was close to his, with the flame illuminating the small details on your face as he stares at you with wide eyes.

Even when you pulled away, spy was still stuck in daze for a moment before he blushes in embarrassment at the gesture. Thankfully you weren't able to see his face with that mask.

He cleared his throat and thanked you in an almost sheepish manner and you smiled in return, giving him a thumbs up. Then you used your syringe gun and shoot at one of the empty bottle laying around before you wink and walked out hurridly.

REBLOGS/ FEEDBACK/ COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED!

@redamoureux

[wisteriaiswriting]

Can't Leave Without A Goodbye

Words: 931

Request: can I get some bittersweet angst? this is when Gray Mann has taken over Mann co and fired all the mercs. whether when they're finished with packing their bags or they've thought of it during, they decide to go and chat with reader, someone they've wished they would've spent more time with/known more about. romance preference. feel free to tweak anything cuz there's many ways I want to go about this scenario I'm just too lazy to actually write it

His packing was quick and rough, shoving anything he could grab into his duffel bag. As a final ‘fuck you’ he left whatever trash he had behind, kicking a loose can across the room. He was normally the loudest guy around but now his silence was deafening, an unfamiliar sound.

Leaving his room with the bag slung over his shoulder, he spotted you in your room, sorting through your items. His body was quicker than his mind, just as if he was still out there fighting. Jogging into your room, his cocky grin was absent.

“Hey... so, uh, guess this is it, huh?” He laughs, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. When you look at him, he tries to hold eye contact, but he can’t keep it for long.

“I always thought we had more time, ya know?” Running a hand through his hair, suddenly unsure of himself. “Look, I spent so much time tryin’ to impress you—runnin’ my mouth, showin’ off. But, I never just talked to you. Not the way I wanted to.”

You watched as he went through all the emotions, panic was the main one, as if he finally realised how much he’s missed. “I kept thinkin’ that there’d be more time, another fight, another mission together… another chance to finally ask you out of somethin’.”

His hands trembled, reaching to mess with his shirt. Words were jumbled and barely understandable, “I realized this was my final chance to actually say it, I really like you. Like a lot. And it sucks that I’m just now growin’ the guts to say it when it’s too late.”

Before he can lose all his confidence entirely, he reaches for your hand, his squeeze tighter than intended. “Just, take care, alright? You deserve someone who doesn’t waste your time.” He then presses a quick kiss onto your knuckles before jogging off, not daring to look back at you.

Heavy’s packing is methodical, but his hands are slower than usual, as if he’s trying to delay the inevitable even if he knows he can’t. His hands paused after he picked up a small carving knife, it was a gift you gave him for his birthday, the memory bittersweet.

He finishes packing, finding you in the kitchen. Pausing in the doorway, his large frame almost blocking the light. “You are here,” he rumbles softly, a hint of relief in his voice. “Heavy, I didn’t expect you out and about.”

He sets his bag on the counter, “I am... not good with words,” he admits. “Fighting is easy. Crushing enemies, simple. But saying goodbye?” He shakes his head. Looking down at his hands, moving them as if they might fail him.

“I spent so long thinking we would always be here. That there would always be another day to sit with you. To talk. To... laugh.” You watched his eyes soften slightly, a side of vulnerability he rarely showed. “I have known many good people. You are... special. I thought I would have more time to know you better. To... tell you how much you mean to me.”

He stepped closer, a huge hand gently placed on your shoulder. “I did not say it before because I was afraid. Afraid I would not be good enough for you. But... I care for you. Deeply.” His hand slowly lifted before pulling away completely, “I will miss you.”

With a final, heavy-hearted glance, he grabbed his bag and walked away. Shoulders uncharacteristically sagged, as if the weight of regret is finally settling in.

Spy’s packing was pristine, as if he never removed anything, as if he knew this wouldn’t last. But he pauses when his finger wraps around a small lighter, finding it was one you lent him months ago, still tucked away in his pocket. With a thought he left his room, finding you in the library.

Clearly you had finished packing yourself, as bags sat closed nearby. Your attention was caught by some books, sorting them into a few piles. He silently slipped inside, leaning against the doorframe before clearing his throat.

“Bonsoir,” his voice softer and more subdued than usual. “It seems our time here is at an end.” “Yeah, I didn’t expect Gray to just… fire us. I mean, what do we do now?” A short chuckle echoed in the room, “You were a fine fighter, and an even better person.” Seeing his lips curl into a sad smile.

“Now that we’re fired, I suppose we won’t ever meet again.” “Won’t meet again, c’mon now Spy.” “Yes, but it’s for the better, you have made this miserable place bearable,” His hand slipped into yours, swiftly dropping something into your palm. “But I thought there would be more time to indulge in sentiment.”

Shaking his head, “It now feels foolish, non?” “If this is truely where we part, at least tell me.” His eyes softened at your words, as if reality finally hit him. “Regret is a familiar companion, but this is... was different..”

He stepped away, hands sitting in his pockets. “Take care of yourself, I would hate to see you as a headline somewhere.” With a final nod, he slips away, disappearing in seconds. Your hand wraps around the item he left, a lighter, not the one you let him borrow all those months ago.

No. It was one of his, an unused, clean one. While his gloved hand holds the small one in his pocket, as if he let it go it would disappear. And after losing you he wouldn’t lose the one thing of yours he had left.

[supernova41st]

Can I request tf2 mercs with a reader who is genuinely terrifying. Like there quiet, sneaky, uncanny, basically reader is kinda like the mercs very own cryptid. (Bonus points if reader is tall af<3)

Boo 🤍

A/n: Spy’s is a little short here 😣 I hope you weren’t too eager to see his lol. I got a little experimental with this one, not too much tho. Also I’ll be going on another break, I know I just finished one but I’m going through an unexpected rough time rn. So sorry guys, hope you enjoy <33

Warnings: Video used may be a spoiler for s2 of scream queens, Praying is used in a humorous light

To start things off, you introduced yourself in the worst way possible. The bus that you were supposed to take got broken down so you had to find your way through the base without knowing where the entrance was. So what’d you do? Bang into a bunch of glass windows at 3am while it was RAINING. Some of the mercs were up trying to fix up the power generator and..

I saved that clip for weeks I’m so happy I have a reason to use it now

I know they’re all supposed to be big bad mercs but you scared the living FUCK out of them.

Scout

This man went running. He went all the way from the generator to the fucking bunks in the span of a minute! So what’d he do when he got to his room? He grabbed his cross necklace, got on his knees, and started PRAYING.

“Please god Jesus frickin’ Christ hear my prayers, save me-I’m sorry about all those magazines I keep under my bunk and I’m sorry that I told spy to go fuck himself when he told me I couldn’t pull bitches and I’m sorry I call girls bitches please just don’t let me friggin’ die dude!!”

He just kept chanting the same things until Miss Pauling found him cradling himself on his bed with a blanket wrapped around him.

“Scout what are you doing?”

“THERE IS A GHOST IN THE BASE.”

“Oh, you mean y/n?”

‘Hi 👁️‍🗨️👁️‍🗨️’

Yea he was pretty freaked out by you. To make it worse, you always just stare at him. He can’t remember a single moment where he looked at you and didn’t catch your tiny pupils locked onto him.

At first he’d just gently wave awkwardly while you did the same so freakishly. Eventually he decided to say something because it was scaring him, something he’ll never admit

“Yo you got a problem or somethin’, what’s with all the stares?”

“Nothing, I just like looking at you. Your structure pleases me.”

“..oh, well that’s actually-wait I thought-hold on do you really-pfft-Yeesh, I didn’t expect you out of everyone to haha.. Yknow”

Yeah he was blushing like crazy, such a straightforward compliment.

He’s still scared of you, but he uses you as his hype man every now and then. He’ll fish for compliments and WILL receive them

“Dontcha think I got some nice racks for a guy?”

“..Totally”

He could literally walk up to you and threaten to kill you and your reaction is just “yuh go for it”

If you’re freakishly tall then he calls you tree. Cuz

If you’re on the shorter side then he would just pick you up from the shoulders and kiss you on the forehead. He knows you won’t do shit, you’re literally just 🧍‍♀️

(gotg reference)

“I am hideous? :(“

“You kiddin’? You’re horrifying to look at”

Engineer

He didn’t even notice everyone else went running, he just kept on working on the electrical box. So when he stood up and saw you staring straight into the glass, he jumped a little but was mostly just confused

“What in the..”

“tap tap-Can you let me in?”

You’re lucky he didn’t go running like everyone else, you probably would’ve died from the flu if you spent another second outside in the freezing rain.

He puts a bell on you. He just had one laying around and tied it around the your wrist, it didn’t work because of how stiff your movements were so to ‘help’ you rang it against his ear.

“..”

“…..🔔🔔🔔🔔”

“GOD DAMN IT- oh, y/n”

“Sorry, the bell wasn’t ringing how you wanted it to so I rang it myself”

“Uh-huh, thanks for the warning partner”

From my experience southern people love to make conversation, but you aren’t really familiar with that. So when he tries to flirt it gets pretty awkward

“How’s it goin’ sugar, I reckon your looking quite nice today”

“👁️‍🗨️👁️‍🗨️”

“..you gonna say anythin’ back?”

“Oh, um.. I like your face.”

“Woah, alright then.”

He feels so embarrassed when he stands next to your tall ass, it makes him feel belittled. Especially when you actively have to look down just to make eye contact

But if you’re short then he loves it. Finally for once he doesn’t have to be reminded of his height when standing next to anyone.

Spy

He’s gone as soon as you show up. Like straight up disappears. He doesn’t like to show fear-makes him look weak

He’s convinced you could still see him though, cuz you happen to look in his direction even while he was invisible.

You don’t scare him as much as the others, if anything he took a bit of a liking to you because you stressed him out the least compared to the others. He always stood next to you + you were always his first pick for missions

You always make small talk with him. He doesn’t enjoy it but he still responds

“What is under your mask?”

“That is none of your business.”

“Why? Do you look like me?”

Spy doesn’t know if he should feel offended or annoyed

You don’t necessarily startle him like everyone else but you do make his heart jump slightly when you pop out of nowhere, you can see it in his pupils but never his body.

Pyro

HE RAN TOO BUT DIDN’T KNOW WHY LMFAO

He just saw everyone running and went ‘oh okay we’re doing this now 🏃‍♂️’

But seriously, he fell in love with you at first sight. Your features felt so intricate to him, you always gave each other blank stares, zoning into each other’s eyes.

‘⚫️ ⚫️’

“👁️‍🗨️👁️‍🗨️ hi”

“⚫️ ⚫️ mmf”

You’re the only person who can fully understand him. No, not using his body language, you can actually tell what he’s saying. He aw’s at that, finally someone knows what he’s saying.

It makes him more self aware than how he was before, he’ll say some really petty shit and when you react he panics

“Mmph mmm”

“um pyro I need you to calm yourself”

“Mm!”

Somehow you disturb HIM, you’ll point something out to him and talk to him like he’s crazy which makes him crazy

“Pyro, you reek of fire, it’s 30° outside, and it’s a cease day. Do you have any thoughts?”

“Mmmf mmm mph ☹️”

*plz leave me alone

Since you and him are so observant, the rest of the mercs are a little spooked by you guys. You’ll be in the corner with him watching and everyone is fairly weirded out.

“Mm mmmfmm mm”

“Pyro you’re hilarious.”

“What did thing say?”

“He said that if you were a littlest pet shop figure you’d be #508”

“..heavy is not sure what he expected”

[jermer10]

Hi .. I’m very shy with asking people to write hcs but could you please do how the mercs would feel about a big chested (DDD+) fem s/o? NSFW and suggestive themes would be appreciated. That’d make my entire life! ☺️

TF2 mercs with a large chested s/o

18+ only, afab reader | thx for the ask anon!! :3

tw: nsfw content

drabbles under the cut :P

Scout: - he's obsessed with your chest - makes sure to clarify that he'd love you no matter what size your tits are - but jesus they were hot - he's not the most adept to foreplay, but will often play with them before and during intimacy - squeezing them and roughly toying with your nipples to try and get you in the mood - will always beg to cum on your chest, even in the most unconventional times (often when you have quickies in semi public spaces)

Soldier: - could care less about the size of your chest, he's just happy he gets to touch you at all - another man who doesn't care for foreplay, so no special attention to your boobs unfortunately - though you will catch him giving them a longing gaze when he's itching for a fuck - the kind of man to casually squeeze your chest, no sexual intent he's just admiring what's his

Demoman: - THE foreplay king - he teases you, gently biting your nipples between his teeth - sucking on one bud and rolling the other between his fingers - he won't stop until you're writhing and begging for him - has no preference for chest size, but he is admittedly a tit guy - adores it when you give him a tit job, loves it even more when he gets to watch your chest bounce while you ride him

Heavy: - a man who prefers women of the larger variety in general - so your breasts intrigue him, from the moment you first initiate sex he's almost rushing to get you out of your top - worships your chest, peppering it with kisses before lapping at your nipples until you're bruised - will casually squeeze your breasts the way someone would squeeze their partner's ass - "hehe.. do you like them?" "da." his face is red hot

Engineer: - another one who doesn't care about the size of your chest - he only cares about your pleasure - teases you for hours, poking and prodding - insists that you don't wear a bra around the house, after all you should feel comfortable around him! - he soon realizes he can't stop staring at the way your tits bounce as you walk - or how stiff your nipples look in your much too tight tank top - this might be the easiest way to pry him away from his workshop

Medic: - he often has to see your bare chest when you come off the battlefield, half dead and in need of several surgeries - or when you need to come in for a breast exam - and despite being your partner, he can't help but flush at the sight of you, so exposed for him - usually a thigh man, he crumbles when it comes to large chests - on a more sadistic note, he often fantasizes about licking the wounds that may litter your chest after a particularly gory fight - he's a little bit gross but sweet in his own way!

Sniper: - a large breast man through and through - he could play with your tits for hours and hours, in a sexual and non-sexual way - if he could lay in bed sucking your tits, leaving bruises all over the supple flesh, he totally would - loves the way they bounce, the way they sit on your chest, the soft fleshy feeling of holding them in his hands - loves it when you wear outfits that show off your cleavage - loves it even more when he knows he's going to be the one to rip that outfit off later

Spy: - another big cleavage fan - will buy you hundreds of different lingerie sets, he absolutely adores seeing you all dressed up just for him - loves rubbing his cock all over your breasts, watching the the beads precum decorating his tip smear onto your nipples just does something to him - constantly parading you around in clothing that flatters your chest, he needs everyone to know how well endowed you are