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horrorlesbion · 2 years

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top 5 or 10 movies you think riverdale should reference next plus optionally like what the storyline incorporating them should be like

i’m sorry this is so much more than 5 to 10 movies i got carried away

child’s play franchise - literally any movie

ideally seed/bride or the tv show. i think it was @girlbossreggie who proposed a chicles bride of chucky au which would be perfect. alternatively i want jennifer tilly to guest star. it is not elaborated if she is playing herself or jennifer tilly as possessed by tiffany. a bound reference is obligatory and it has to be made clear that she hooked up with jugheads mum (this can be combined).

devil’s carnival

dream musical episode. works perfectly if they want to pick up the “war between heaven and hell” plot from rivervale again. even if hiram would have slayed as the devil part i know they can make it work now. i’ll even tolerate some fanservice and give choni the june/cora storyline (toni is june of course).

alternatively i’ll settle for a veronica & hermosa single musical performance of a song from repo! hermione can cover the third sibling part if needed because i remember marisol said she wanted to do a musical performance i know we can get her back for this.

saw/escape room/hostel

saw is of course the classic and my favourite. i want a bunch of the characters trapped in an insane torture maze. i love single location horror. i’m sure we can dig up a villain weird enough to do it if glee managed it. if they’re cowardly they can also reference the escape room movies instead since those are more mainstream and less gory. hostel would be hilarious if only for the insane worldbuilding implications but we could make it work. if they suddenly revealed the blossoms went on a summer trip to hunt people for sport every year i’d believe it.

rope (alternatively: swoon/compulsion/thrill me)

honestly any leopold & loeb adaptation would bang. i know they already riffed on funny games for the chicles wedding but rope is such a fun set-up it’s easy to replicate (AND classic cinema at that). could do it with a bunch of characters though of course a gay couple hosting is always funniest. but i wouldn’t even be mad if it’s barchie or veggie who killed a man and have to hide a body in a trunk while everyone else is at the house for a nice little party. not a movie but thrill me is my favourite reference option you all know my opinion on this. even if it would have fit better during earlier seasons i know we can make it work. if it’s a musical episode they’re obligated to give chicles at least one of the songs (superior? life plus 99 years? thrill me?)

gone girl

veronica realised hiram actually seduced/paid off the russian assassin and pulled off the exact plot of gone girl to fuck with her because he was mad she exiled him. ideally this is how hiram comes back on the show. funnier if hermosa was in on it.

malignant

jason is reborn as a tumor on cheryls brain that possesses her body and kills people. we have magic now might as well go balls to the wall insane i KNOW ras loved malignant i just know it. for another insane cheryl plot to run in the background: velvet buzzsaw. her paintings come to life and start killing people. her fursona painting needs to be prominently featured in this episode.

everyone is confronted with their rivervale counterparts (who are even more deranged now) who all realised they were stuck in a timeloop and broke out of the pocket universe to take their places in the main narrative. doppelganger fight to the death everyone gets to try and flex their acting muscles.

the purge

you KNOW this would slap. would have fit ideal for early season 5. archie comes back to riverdale ruled by hiram not knowing it’s purge day in 3 days. however given the vibes of percival pickens i’m confident he’d be down to institute a purge day we can still fit this in. can mash it up with some references to assassination nation since that’s basically teenage highly aestheticised camp purge movies with three times the plot so a natural fit for riverdale.

psycho goreman

an episode entirely dedicated to what jb has been up to during the timejump years. and the answer is she found a space rock that lets her control a giant violent alien monster. since its set during the timejump we don’t have to explain why the actress still looks so young.

the descent

alternate bottle episode: all the riverladies take a girls trip going caving in a secret passage cheryl discovered in the blossom mines. they get attacked by fucked up cave creatures and barely survive. maybe one of them dies and cheryl has to resurrect her with necromancy. none of this is ever referenced again.

hard

now that gay kevin is becoming a cop what better time to pull off “gay cop gets over his internalised homophobia while hunting a gay serial killer and hooking up with him” everyone watch this movie btw it’s criminally underrated. 90s messed up gay cinema for the win. on THAT note i don’t know how they would pull it off since i don’t think the network would let them so much as breathe the name of this movie but referencing frisk would be so fun. i would bet ras has read some dennis cooper and probably seen this film. and speaking of really messed up gay content it’s a huge shame we don’t have blue velvet video anymore and already did snuff films in season 4 because an underhanded playdurizm reference would be fun. that was such a movie. if anyone takes this as a rec list do NOT even look up summaries for frisk and playdurizm without a strong stomach.

also: not gay but talking of extreme horror if we’re folding rivervale back into this season’s narrative i want an explicit martyrs reference for archie. he doesn’t have to get like skinned or anything but the vibes were already there in 06x01

any david decoteau movie

riverdale already spends a large amount of time with hot men wandering out shirtless. it’s a natural fit and they’re gay culture. funniest option would be 1313: giant killer bees and it ends with cheryl showing up to save the day bringing back the fact that she can control bees with her mind apparently.

raw / excision

i want betty to eat people or take them apart surgically. just let her do some fucked up violence. really get into it. alternatively a Came Back Wrong plot about archie and bettys new superpowers turning into something more malevolent and giving us a jennifers body/all cheerleaders die type plot. archie already gets a bunch of female abuse victim coded plots he can fit into this. however girl homoeroticism is still obligatory. let’s say beronica to make up for their lack of interaction since the timejump. (honorary mention for beronica thoroughbreds scheme. don’t know how to pull this off with hiram gone but you will always be famous)

orphan

one of the couples (through gritted teeth i guess barchie) decides to adopt and the exact plot of the movie plays out except the audience is not surprised the child turns out to be a 30 year old serial killer in the end because she’s also played by one of the hot young adult cw actors in pigtails but through the whole episode no one acknowledges that.

nine lives

hiram comes back as a cat. i’m somewhat convinced they cast mark consuelos as hiram off of his role in this movie.

#ask #anon #riverdale #thank you SO MUCH for this chance to procrastinate all my uni work this is delightful #happy to talk about any of these some more btw #both the movies and the riverdale plot suggestions

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luvksj · 3 years

Text

Yandere!Undisputed Era: Bittersweet Reunion

author’s note: happy 2022 y’all !!! i can’t believe it’s 2022 already, 2021 did go by really fast and covid still a damn pest. hope y’all are safe, happy and healthy w the people you love !!! once again, i’d like to thank you all for the support i received in 2021 for my little drabbles i write when i’m bored or couldn’t be fucked doing my uni work (that’s right, pro procrastinator right here).

anyway, 3/4 of the undisputed era have officially joined AEW! it’s good that they’re w/ a company that cares about their wrestlers and allows them to be creative! many ex-wwe wrestlers have joined AEW now which is understandable bc AEW is just better than WWE in many, many ways. this is just my opinion btw. wonder if roderick will jump ships when his contract ends with wwe... anyways i wish nothing but the best for you guys and THEM in 2022!

please enjoy the story 😄 also, can we pretend roderick and many others are in aew ?

pov: you escaped despite using drastic measures but... that doesn’t mean it’ll last forever.

warning: this story contains strong use of violence and cursing. if you feel uncomfortable with themes of stalkers/stalking, violence, obsession, yandere aus, manipulation, torture etc or mentions of blood, killing, death, torture, kidnapping, suicide or anything similar please DO NOT read this story!

this story does NOT depict the true personas/characteristics of Adam Cole, Kyle O’Reilly, Roderick Strong and Bobby Fish. this story is 100% a work of fiction and any similarities discovered is a PURE COINCIDENCE. this story is meant for entertainment purposes only. if you feel unsure about anything written in this story, please PM me.

Oh sweetheart... did nobody tell you? Nothing last forever.

You had no way to escape them now, all possible points of exits blocked off by them.

Struggling to grasp the situation at hand, you couldn’t understand how they managed to find you... despite using every measure possible to avoid them.

So, how did it amount to this in the first place? Well, let me tell you...

[long flashback warning]

You hated them. You loathed them. You detested them.

They were the reason your life was a living hell: controlling you like their own puppet forcing you to fulfill their every wish even if it was outrageous. You had to do it... no matter what.

According to them, you belonged to them. No-one else. Every single part of you was their property from the air you breathed to the words you spoke belonged to them.

And they had no problem in telling everyone that. From their colleagues to the higer-ups. If someone struggled to grasp that fact, they had no problem in breaking it down for them even if their teaching methods were... extreme.

Do you know what made it worse?

The fact you couldn’t fight back. No matter how much you wanted to fight back, you just weren’t able too. If you dare disobey them, you’d be laying motionless in the basement: covered in bruises, cuts and blood left to rot until you apologized for acting so bratty.

You just didn’t have the physical strength to combat them. Four professional wrestlers against one you. And they knew that... which made you even angrier using your weakness to their advantage just like snakes they were.

You, Y/N L/N, were the property of the most dominant faction in NXT history. The Undisputed Era.

Adam Cole, Kyle O’Reilly, Roderick Strong and Bobby Fish. The names of the men whom you hated with a fiery passion. To nearly everyone, they were total sweethearts. Kind-hearted, caring, gentle... basically the opposite of what they were to you.

One word you’d use to describe them was demons. To you, they were manipulative, possessive, controlling, aggressive and clingy. You couldn’t go anywhere without one of them accompanying you because there was a good chance you’d try to run away and they couldn’t let that happen to their precious golden gem.

And you wouldn’t make it far even if you tried. There were security cameras everywhere -- even inside the bathroom. Some hidden in the most unusual places. They had many connections and you’d be found before you could even step into a taxi.

They weren’t taking any chances. You were their golden gem, the most important part of their golden prophecy. And they’d be damn if you got away.

So for years, you endured the torture. You had gotten so used to forcing a smile that you had forgotten what it felt like to genuinely smile. What freedom felt life, what if felt like to be legitimately happy. And... it was all because of them.

However, you finally had enough and decided to try attempt what could be considered as a death sentence if you got caught.

With assistance from everyone you knew and could trust, you faked your death.

You meticulously planned for this ensuring every possible situation was covered and had numerous back-up plans ready just in case. Just like them, you weren’t taking any chances. This had to work otherwise... you’d end up dead.

[warning: mentions of suicide up ahead. please do not read if it triggers and/or makes you uncomfortable]

The plan was to fake a suicide. You would inject yourself with a drug that made you seem dead and would use prosethetic

Then once you were deemed dead, you’d place a fake body double of yourself inside the casket and go into hiding until it was safe to come out... whenever that may be.

It was rather elaborate, risky and many things could go horribly wrong but you had to try. You were sick and tired of being controlled and tormented by them. You could no longer just sit and watch yourself be abuse like this. It was time to fight back.

By some miracle, it actually worked. Your plan worked. It actually fucking worked.

They brought it all. They actually believed you had commited suicide... and ignoring the huge cost your ‘plan’ incurred which practically drained your bank account (rip)... it was one-hundred percent worth it.

Because this, in return, gave you something which you’ve craved for the longest time: your freedom and happiness. And you didn’t care that you were now broke, you were happily broke and FREE! Free those demonic cretins who made your life literal hell and controlled you like their own puppet.

But not anymore, you were finally free and happy for the first time in a long time.

[Timeskip: 10 years later]

It has been ten years since that faithful day. The day you’ll remember forever, the day you regained your happiness and escaped the clutches of four men who could literally be the reincarnation of Satan.

After you ‘death’, they were so distraught that they broke up, blaming each other for your so-called ‘suicide’. It got to the point where they had to leave WWE as being here only reminded them of you and how they failed you. While they were suffering, you were living on cloud nine.

These past ten years having been nothing but a DREAM. You could do whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted without being submitted to torture and you took FULL advantage of this.

You decided to pursue your passion and become a wrestler. You’ve always wanted to wrestle but they were strictly against it, prohibiting it, stating that you’ve got them and they’ll handle anyone who hurts you. So... it was a waste of time, according to them but they’re NOT here anymore.

Signing with WWE, you slowly worked your way up the ranks and within a few years became an accomplished wrestler with many title reigns under your belt. You also became an advocate for mental health and abuse. You didn’t want anyone else to suffer what you did.

However, this ‘fever’ dream of yours all came crashing down one day and it caught you by surprise.

You had just finished your match, wrestling one of your dream opponents on the grandest stage of them all. You won... just. For some time, ever since Royal Rumble, something’s felt off... like something bad is awaiting you and no matter how hard you’ve tried ignoring the feeling, it comes back to haunt you.

Today, you just felt so off your game. You felt something bad was going to happen today and despite trying to shake it off, it kept lingering like a bad aftertaste.

During the match, you were really distracted. You could just feel their eyes glaring a gaping hole right through. Them, the people you’ve been avoiding for ten years.

Heading to the locker room after visiting the medics and getting stitched up, this bad feeling intensified with every step. And before you knew it, you were standing in front of the locker room door, nervous as hell. You didn’t what awaited you on the other side but your gut feeling told you... it wasn’t good.

Taking a deep breath, you open the door and looked around carefully. It looked safe but you still wanted to be sure. You checked every corner, leaving no stone unturned. Some might call it paranoia but if they went what you went through then... they’d understand it’s not paranoia but safety precautions.

The locker room was clear... maybe you were really halluncinating. You sighed, relieved but that feeling diminished when a taunting voice interrupted your thoughts.

“Hello Y/N, sweetheart.”

#nxt #nxt fanfiction #WWE NXT #undisputedera #wwe x reader #wwe imagine #wweimagines #wwe reactions #wwe reaction #wrestling fanfiction #kyle o'reilly #adam cole #roderick strong #diamond mine #bobby fish #aew #aew dynamite #aew imagine #aew fanfiction

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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 5 years

Text

Kiss of Death

Warnings: nonconsent (fingering and intercourse)

This is dark!(mob)Loki and explicit. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: You (literally) run into a powerful man but find it hard to shake him.

Note: So we’re taking a tiny break from Painted Windows. The last chapter was intense and even my heart needs some respite. So I let myself wonder down the backstreets and wrote some mob!Loki with a good chance of a sequel.

Thank you. Love you guys!

Please leave some feedback, like and reblog <3

After a long day and a longer week, you were looking forward to the small get together. Several nights in a row you came home late and gulped down a microwave dinner before passing out on the couch. An unglamorous life, to say the least.

For Nisha’s birthday, you agreed to meet up at a nice restaurant downtown for drinks and hopefully dinner. Tiana and Ana were already there with Nisha as you rushed in. You weren’t used to being the last to arrive. Usually you were the first there and waiting for at least twenty minutes.

You gave a frantic greeting to the small group and dropped your purse in your empty chair.

“I’m so sorry. Nisha, happy birthday but I’m gonna burst,” You said as you caught your breath.

They laughed at your panic and waved you towards the restrooms. You snaked around tables and to the narrow hall that led to the facilities. You were quick to sweep inside and into a stall. Your pants were barely past your thighs before you sat; the stream was painful and squeezed your bladder terribly. You sighed and took a moment to gather yourself as soft classical music plucked from the speakers.

Finished, you washed your hands and stared at yourself in the mirror. Your jacket hung open over your flowery blouse and pressed slacks. You wore a pair of low wedges that gave you a few inches. You were exhausted and you looked it. A night of drinking would surely wake you up… or at least lull you into the sleep you’d been lacking.

You smoothed out your shirt and slipped out of the jacket. You slung it over your arm and tried to fix your hair as best as you could. Your latest client was demanding and worse, a perfectionist. Usually, your suggestions were accepted without a single glance but Stacey Forrest was very particular. She needed to impress her new circle of peers; many twenty years her senior. Just thinking of her stabbed your temples with frustration.

You shook off the moment of chagrin and took a breath. Work was done. You had Saturday to sleep off the hangover you planned on feeding tonight. Sunday was far away at the present.

You pushed open the door and strolled back to the dining room. You spotted the table of women awaiting you, giggling as they sipped from their respective glasses, and set off to join them. In your tunnel vision, you didn’t notice the party to your right. The man whom you walked directly into and barely kept you from tripping over his leather shoes. You were so embarrassed, you hardly realized how the entire room had gone silent.

You backed up and slipped free of the man’s grasp. You looked up at him and caught your coat before it could fall to the floor.

“Oh, sorry,” You said as your cheeks burned. “I wasn’t…” You glanced around. “Paying attention…”

“It’s quite alright,” The lilt in his voice surprised you as much as the glimmer in his green eyes. “These things happen.”

“Yeah, I… Sorry again.” You sidestepped between some tables. “Um, okay.”

You spun away awkwardly as you tried to ignore your audience. Even Nisha, Tiana, and Ana had turned to watch the debacle. Well, the night was never complete without you making a fool of yourself. You hung your coat over the back of your chair and moved your purse as you sat. The room was still in a hush.

“Smooth,” Tiana raised her brows.

“Shut up,” You grumbled.

“Only you.” Nisha chided.

You peeked around at those who whispered around you and followed their own attention to the man you’d nearly tackled. He was with a group of several men and was shown to a booth near the back of the restaurant. You turned back and shook your head.

“I need a drink.” You declared.

“I’d say you do,” Tiana shook her head. “And a knock in the head.”

“You do know who’s foot you just stomped, right?” Ana asked.

“When do I ever know what is going on?” You said dryly. “So we doing just drinks or dinner?”

“She doesn’t even care,” Tiana gasped. “We should leave before she gets in anymore trouble.”

“Oh my god, what is the big deal?” You demanded.

“Take another look at that man,” Ana intoned.

You huffed and turned in your chair. You looked at the man as the server listened intently to him and you felt as if he was familiar but you couldn’t place him. He smiled at the waiter and then his eyes met yours. You blinked and spun back so quickly your chair wobbled. You shrugged as you steadied yourself.

“His name, which I’m sure will shake something loose, is Loki Laufeyson.” Tiana scoffed. “You might have heard that somewhere through that haze you call sentience.”

Your eyes rounded. A waitress appeared and asked for an order. You opted for gin on ice and rubbed your forehead.

“Shit.” You swore. “Well, I mean, it was just an accident. Not like I pulled a gun on him.”

“You scuffed his shoe,” Ana mused. “I’ve heard stories of him taking offence at less.”

“Don’t,” You warned. “I already have enough on my plate without worrying about…” You lowered your voice. “...the mob.”

“Oh, we’re teasing you,” Tiana insisted. “So how is Mrs. Forrest.”

“Nee Marris,” Ana added.

“Oh, you know, the same girl she was in uni,” You grinned. “Only this time she’s married her sugar daddy.”

“And she hired you to style her new house?” Nisha asked.

“Manse,” You corrected her. “As she prefers.”

“Definitely hasn’t changed,” Tiana smirked.

You all laughed as the waitress set your drink in front of you and you thanked her. You continued to gab over your menus and eventually ordered. You forgot about the bumpy beginning and were soon lost in the cheer. You had longed for a night out. A rare occasion when you reverted to the college girl procrastinating on her studying.

When your dinner came, so did another round of drinks. You paused and stopped the waitress before she could flit away.

“Sorry, but we didn’t order another round,” You wondered.

“Compliments of Mr. Laufeyson,” She said quietly.

You froze and the other women looked at you curiously. You raised a brow and tried to subtly look over your shoulder. You didn’t turn all the way as you sensed another’s gaze on you.

“You can thank him but we can pay for them,” You insisted. “Really…”

The waitress blanched and your friends tittered.

“Oh, what’s the harm,” Nisha chimed. “Better than him sending something else.”

“Loosen up,” Tiana took a large gulp. “The free drink should help with that.

You sighed and Anna added to the plea with a grin. You rubbed your chin and relented. “You can thank Mr. Laufeyson.”

She exhaled in relief and agreed to do so. You grabbed your glass reluctantly and sneered at the girls before you forced your finest smile. You turned and found the man in question watching you. You raised your glass at him as a gratitude and quickly righted yourself in your chair.

“Oh,” Ana preened. “You think he’d pay for the whole meal? Give him a wink or something.”

“An,” You warned. “Really. That’s not the type of man you want to owe favours.”

“Really?” Tiana challenged. “Twenty minutes ago you barely recognized him.”

“Maybe not but I’d heard of him and his… supposed deeds.” You said. “You aren’t really encouraging this, are you?”

“He must like the whole clueless vibe you’ve got going for you,” Tiana trilled. “Rather endearing even if it does leave your toes a bit tender.”

“Hush,” You hissed. “Really. Let’s eat and then we shall relocate so that I do not entangle myself further with thugs.”

They laughed and you flaked away a piece of salmon with your fork. You shook your head. You had the sense of being watched and didn’t need to look to know why. It sent a frightful tickle along your spine. You were always quite skilled at walking, or rather, tripping head first into trouble.

🐍

That night was just another fleeting thrill in a series of missteps that never quite came to fruition. You didn’t need to worry about the mobster or your little stumble. Sometimes a kind gesture was just that and a coincidence was nothing more. No serendipity, no fate, just another anecdote about how your clumsiness had nearly gotten you in trouble.

You finished your dinner and found your way to a pub just down the way. The music was a little young for your tastes but the cocktails were on special and it wasn’t too rowdy. It was like Sex and the City but duller; and likely sadder. You shared stories of failed dates, workplaces peeves, and the latest drama witnessed on the tube. Provoking stuff.

Nisha crashed at yours. You woke on the couch, the birthday girl was offered the bed. You drank coffee with the curtains drawn but she didn’t wake up until noon. When she did, she finished the pot and dressed in her wrinkled clothing. You saw her off to the station and stopped by the shop for some orange juice and paracetamol.

You spent the rest of the day in the dark with Netflix in the background. You dreaded another day of Stacey’s obstinacy. What kind of person needed more than a dozen bedrooms in one house? Oh, and she did mention their summer house in the south? Well, if you couldn’t start appeasing her Cher Horowitz tastes, she might not need you for that.

The only thing you could do to prepare was set your alarm and sleep off your hangover. When you woke, the ice pick had dislodged from your skull and the fog outside helped mute the harshness of the sun. You dressed, had your coffee, a small breakfast, and readied to face off with Stacey.

The drive was an hour out of the city. Your small car puttered along but never failed to get you where you needed. You sang along to Petula Clark on the scratchy radio station as you yawned over the steering wheel. The old house rose before you; a hideous mishmash of an old Tudor cottage and a modern geometric renovation.

You drove up the winding drive and around the back. Classified as a member of the help, you weren’t permitted to park with the Bentley and the Rolls. You didn’t recognize the Aston Martin but you assumed it was another of Mr. Forrest’s associates. You climbed out, locked your car, and dropped your keys in your pocket.

There was a backdoor, formerly the entrance to the servants’ quarters, and you ducked through the arched doorway. The old corridor had recently been remodelled with a couple guestrooms, a modified laundry room, and a wine cellar. Paintings left by the former owners had been reframed and hung. Stacey couldn’t decide if she wanted to be old aristocracy or the new age elite.

You found Stacey in the kitchen. Her assistant, Deanna, was making her a green smoothie. She greeted you with a smile and flicked her finger across her tablet.

“Just in time,” She beckoned you over as Deanna set the glass down beside her. “I was thinking this lamp would be perfect for the master.”

You looked at the image. The clear glass body of the lamp was filled with large round sequins; a fishtank of tackiness with a feather shade. You had to hide your distaste.

“It could work,” You allowed, “But we would have to revert a few other choices.”

“Revert?” Her voice went deep and she sipped noisily through her straw.

“The curtains. You want sheen or lace. Not both.”

“Hmm,” She pressed her lips together. “I suppose. We could still have the curtains, they would be cute in the loo.”

“Cute,” You repeated as you resisted a laugh. “Well, as long as we keep to that theme in there.”

“I was talking to Paul,” She batted her lashes as she always did when she spoke of her husband; you suspected she held more affection for his last name and wallet than his person. “He did mentioned he wouldn’t mind a hint of snakeskin in his office. He doesn’t want anything too stuffy or old.”

“Oh yes, he is one for the… younger tastes,” You intoned. “We could probably work it in subtly. We don’t want it to be overbearing.”

“I suppose…” She rolled her eyes and took another long drink. “Well, I’ve tracked down those lamps in the city. I say we go and have a look around the boutique while we pick them up. Perhaps we can muster some inspiration, maybe even some imagination.”

You smiled and accepted the rebuke in stride. “At your leisure, Mrs. Forrest.”

“Stacey,” She corrected. “You know that makes me feel old.”

“Stacey,” You repeated and leaned on the counter.

“I’ll just finish this and then I’ll have Stuart drive us into the city.”

“I have a car,” You offered.

“And so do I. It’s much nicer,” She insisted. “And we will discuss ideas on the w--”

She turned completely in the tall chair and stood. “Paul,” She greeted her husband in a sing song.

You watched her and angled yourself to keep your eye on her. Paul’s silver hair was thinning and still wore hints of the black dye he’d used to reclaim his youth upon his wedding day. His wrinkles deepened as he grinned and welcomed her against him. She wore stilettos and a skirt so tight it looked painful.

Your amusement dwindled as another figure appeared behind him. You recognised the man immediately. It hadn’t been two days since your first and last encounter. As you remembered him, you were sure he remembered you. You were convinced of it as his green eyes sparkled and he smirked in your direction.

“Sweetheart, I thought you’d be off already,” Paul’s arm held Stacey around her waist. “I was just discussing our renovations with Mr. Laufeyson on his way out and was about to show him the east wing.”

“We were just on our way,” She announced. “We’ve some items to pick up for the master and soon enough we’ll move onto the rest of guest rooms.”

“Mr. Laufeyson,” Paul turned back to his visitor, his arm still around his young wife, “Pardon my negligence, this is Stacey’s designer.” He introduced you kindly. He might have been an easy dupe but he was nice enough. “They go back a ways. To university I believe.”

“Oh yes, I was in fashion and she was in interior, and so we ran into each other a couple times a year,” Stacey explained. “She always did have a good eye.”

“Ah,” Laufeyson neared and held out his hand cordially. You eyed it and the scene of you crashing into him replayed in your head. “Nice to meet you.”

“You too,” You shook his hand awkwardly and prayed Stacey would not stay too long to boast.

“Actually,” He let go slowly, “If you’re not too tied up at the moment, I have a place not far from here that needs a breath of fresh air. You see, it was my father’s and it still bears much of his tastes. Not very akin to my own but I am terribly obtuse at these things.”

“Hmm, well,” You swallowed and looked to Stacey, “My roster is rather full at the moment. How many rooms did you say there were in this place, Mrs. Forrest?”

“Oh, but she is not that burdened, Mr. Laufeyson.” Stacey insisted. “We have sorted plans for most of the rooms. You might take her on the odd days, if you wish?”

Your nostrils flared. She acted as if she owned you. As if you were to be lent out like one of her designer dresses.

“I do have a waiting list--”

“We are old friends,” She interjected, “As a favour from me, Mr. Laufeyson, as a thank you for your wonderful wedding gift, you might have a consultation upon us. Right, Paul?”

“Oh, yes,” He seemed to have awoken from a trance at the mention of his name. “That old place your father kept, it could use a good dusting.”

You glared at Stacey. If she wasn’t paying twice your hourly rate, you might have walked out. You quickly wiped away your chagrin as the attention turned back to you.

“Well, I suppose if Mrs. Forrest can spare me…”

“Tomorrow,” Stacey affirmed. “Leave the address with Paul and she’ll meet with you in the morning. I can survive the day without her. The contractors will be back for the west wing.”

🐍

The next morning, you left early to make sure you arrived on time, all so that you could eventually leave on time. Mr. Laufeyson’s house was not far from the Forrests’. You pulled up to the tall gates and rolled down your window to push the buzzer. A voice rose from the crackly speaker and you called out your purpose several times before you were understood.

The wrought iron gates finally opened and you pulled through slowly. The drive was even longer than Stacey’s and the house grander. It was indeed old-fashioned. You pulled up before the large garage off the side of the house and stepped out onto the cobblestone. Your thick heel skidded over them and you nearly tripped. You locked your car and carefully walked along to the front steps.

You climbed them carefully but stumbled up the last. As you fell and scraped your hands on the stone porch, you heard the door open. You looked up and cringed as Mr. Laufeyson looked down at you. He stepped out onto the porch and you dragged yourself up by the column at the top of the railing.

“You okay?” He touched your elbow gently as you dusted your hands off on your jacket.

“Fine,” You assured him. “You know, gotta make an entrance.

“You’re early,” He said.

“Shall I wait?” You asked.

He chuckled and waved you ahead of him to the door. “Not at all. I’ve been eagerly awaiting you.”

You were silent as you neared the open door and entered the large foyer. He was close behind as he pulled the door closed and you tried not to flinch as he brushed close to you. You looked up at the grand chandelier and the towering portraits of ancestors.

“Where shall we start?” He asked.

“Well, I usually begin with a walk through and then we can go over my notes at the end. Discuss what you want to change, what you’d like to keep,” You took out your notebook as you spoke. “You’ll have a copy of it all. Should you choose to carry out the plans with another designer, you’ll still have them as reference.”

“Very well,” He nodded and you waited for him to lead you; up the stairs, through the door to your left or to your right. Just to start the whole awkward day.

“Mr. Laufeyson?” You glanced over at him and he smirked.

“Loki,” He said. “We can go without the formalities for the day, I think.”

“Loki, where should we start?”

“I know you remember me,” He ignored your question. “And I certainly remember you.”

“I did appreciate the drink,” You said evenly. “And again, I do apologise for my carelessness.”

He considered you a moment. He didn’t move.

“And you know who I am?” He asked.

“Who doesn’t?” You answered as you looked around tensely. Heat began to crawl up your neck.

“A thug, no?” He wondered. You blanched at the word you’d used only days before.

“It was a joke…”

“I do not deny it,” He assured you. “Or take offence. I’ve been called worse.”

You took a deep breath and tapped your pen on your notebook. Your turned to look at him directly.

“Did you bring me here to reprimand me?” You asked.

His smirk remained and he buttoned his jacket.

“I brought you here to rid this place of my father’s stench,” He said coolly. “And because this universe has a peculiar way of aligning the stars.”

“Left, right, or up,” You pointed to each door and then the broad stairway. “We should begin before the time gets ahead of us.”

“We should,” He agreed. “The left, dear.”

🐍

It took you all day to get through every room of the house. As you explored, you pieced together the story of the old place. A family property passed down through the generations. Nobles until the Great War, criminals in its aftermath and since. They hid their delinquency beneath their titles.

Loki seemed to have little love for his late father. His words were resentful. He explained that this was the lesser of two houses; the other was bequeathed to his brother. Expected but still a thorn.

He talked more than you expected, as if to fill the silence as you jotted down notes. Perhaps to loosen your own tongue. A man used to charming others. His words were as useful a weapon as a gun. You found it hard not to let them sway you. It was easy to see him as pleasant when his task was not so odious.

You caught yourself several times. He followed a bit too closely, leaned in a bit too much to look over your shoulders, held doors for you, brushed against you a little too conspicuously. You sensed him closing in the further you delved into the old family stead. Felt him looming around you as you tried to focus on the peeling wallpaper and golden candlesticks.

You were on the third floor. The walls were lined with geometric sconces of the art deco era. They could be restored easily and once more stylish even a century later. You reached the end of the hall and tucked your notebook under your arm as he pushed open the door there. He stepped back and waited for you to enter. You did, cautiously.

You walked the perimeter of the room, around the armoire and the bed, the standing lamp, the curled feet of the night tables. An extravagant fireplace with statues of lions on its mantle gaped back at you. You stopped before it as you scribbled on the paper. You turned and looked around once more.

“Are you set on the bed frame?” You asked. “An antique but clunky.”

“Hmmm,” He thought as he neared the foot of the bed. “I’m not sure.”

“I suppose if you removed the canopy and replaced the duvet it might…” You glanced at him and your eyes strayed behind him. The door was closed. You hadn’t heard it shut. You shook off the tremor and looked back to the tasseled canopy. “It might work but you could free up a lot of space, make it a little more open with something less… imposing.”

He rounded to your side of the bed slowly. He dragged his fingers along the bedding and stopped beside you.

“I think I know what might make it look a little nicer,” He said.

“Oh?” You kept your eyes on your notebook as you scribbled down nonsense.

“Yes,” He lifted his hand from the bed and grabbed your notebook. “I think you might look rather striking in it.”

He dislodged the book from your hand and you tried to catch it before he flung it across the room. You stared up at him in shock and he ripped the pen from your hand in kind. You stepped back, startled.

“Loki,” You gasped. “What are--”

“You knew the kind of man I was back in that restaurant,” He blocked you as you tried to skirt past him. “You knew it at the Forrests’, and yet you came here.”

“I came to work.” You insisted. “I came because another said I would.”

You tried to push past him but he caught you around your waist. He swept you off your feet and swung you onto the bed. You bounced on the mattress and sat up quickly.

“Loki,” You tried to shimmy off the bed. “I don’t--”

He was on top of you before you could get your feet over the edge. He shoved you back down and straddled you beneath him. You tried to wriggle out, tried to push him off, bat him away, but he caught your hands and pinned them to the bed.

“You knew that night who I was and what I can do.” He purred. “And I knew what I would do. Sooner or later.” He leaned over you until his nose almost touched yours. “I knew I would find you again.”

“Please,” You breathed shakily. “Please, you can stop and we can both forget--”

“I can’t forget,” He sneered. “I won’t.”

“Let me go,” You begged. “I didn’t… I didn’t mean for any of it. I said sorry, I--”

“Oh, dear, this isn’t about that,” He rubbed his nose against yours cloyingly. “This is about the way that ass looks in those pants.”

You whined and kicked helplessly beneath him. “Help!” You yelled. “Someone, please!”

“I dismissed the help when you showed up. It’s an empty house, dear,” He rocked his pelvis against yours. “In the middle of the country.”

You grunted in frustration. He sat back and released your hands. He pushed your jacket open. He barely noticed as you slapped his arms and chest. He chuckled even. He tore your blouse and his hands cupped your bra. He squeezed and rocked his hips. He groaned as he groped you.

He slid his body down over yours until he was draped over you. He bent his head to your chest and kissed along your cleavage. You pulled his hair roughly as you tried to wrench him away. A hand slithered up and closed around your throat. He squeezed as his teeth pinched your flesh. You cried out from the pain.

Slowly, he raised his head. A black strand fell across his forehead. “My dear, it means nothing for me to hurt you.” His grip tightened. “So if you insist upon it, I will.”

You grasped at his hand as you tried to breathe. Your eyes watered and you nodded frantically. Your head was starting to throb. He let go and once more buried his head in your chest. His hand crawled back down as he held him over you, he flicked your fly open with one hand and pushed the zipper down slowly.

You were paralysed. Shock, fear, mortification washed over you. You were stupid enough to come hear. Weak enough to go along with Stacey’s demands. And desperate enough to be inflamed by his touch.

His fingers hooked beneath the waist of your pants and the elastic of your panties. He tore them down. He jolted your entire body and backed off of you as he forced them down your legs and over your boots. You tried to sit up but he was quick to shove you back down. He put his arm across your throat and held you there as he pushed his knees between your legs.

You shook and clung to his arm as he leaned on your windpipe.

“Loki…” You pleaded.

He tickled along your thigh and slipped two fingers between your lips. You gulped as he flicked your clit and your thighs tingled. You bit down and he did it again. He delved between your folds and your arousal was soon obvious. He returned to your bud and rubbed until your thighs were tensed against his.

“You can try to resist me, dear,” He snarled. “But know, I’ll always find a way to get to you.”

He shoved his fingers inside and you cried out. He pressed his thumb to your clit as he drew his fingers in and out. You slapped his shoulder and latched onto it as he kept on. You could feel your ascent and he urged you to your tipping point. You moaned and closed your eyes as your body quaked in betrayal. You came on his fingers. You could feel it, hear it.

You tried to catch his breath as he left you empty. He slipped his arm off your throat and leaned on his elbow as he unzipped his trousers. You squirmed and he grabbed a hank of your hair and pulled. You whimpered and he rolled his pants down to his thighs. He dragged his tip along your wet folds and you spread your hands over his chest.

You shook your head and tried to beg with your eyes. You pushed on his chest and he lined himself up with your entrance. He slammed his hips down and you yelped as he impaled you to his limit. Your fingers clawed at the lapels of his jacket as he began to rock. You went limp beneath him as your body buzzed. You were repulsed by how good it felt.

He sat up and grabbed your thighs. He held your legs against him as he watched his cock slide in and out of you. Each thrust came sooner than last, harder than the last, deeper than the last. You reached out and balled the duvet in your fists as you tried to breathe away the mixture of agony and ecstasy. It didn’t work.

You came again. This time you shook even more and exclaimed louder than before. He let go of your left leg and reached to pulled your bra down beneath your tits. He kneaded as he tilted into you.

“Say my name,” He commanded. You shook your head and he pinched your nipple. “Say it!”

“Loki,” You whimpered.

“Again.” He growled.

“Loki,” You repeated.

“Keep going.”

His name tumbled from your lips over and over. Each time he pounded into you, you recited the syllables. You came a third time and covered your face in shame. You were dizzy and confused. He sank into as deep as he could and the bed stilled. You felt him spill inside of you, his cock twitched as he groaned.

You went quiet and all strength drained from your body. He sighed and eased himself out of you. His cum leaked down onto the duvet between your legs as he crawled backward off the bed. You drew your legs together as he stood. He bent to grab your pants from the floor and tossed them over you.

He tucked his cock away and zipped up his fly. He pushed his shoulders back and let out another deep breath. He watched you smugly as you shakily sat up and grasped your pants. His eye brow crooked and he felt around in his jacket as it began to buzz. He pulled out his phone and read the screen.

“That’s the wife,” He said. “Shit. I’ll have to let her know I’m running late.”

You blinked as he turned and answered the phone. Your eyes were wide and your heart seemed to stop as he opened the door and disappeared into the hall. His wife. You hadn’t thought you could feel worse but like many things, you were wrong.

#loki #dark loki #dark!loki #loki x reader #dark loki x reader #dark!loki x reader #mcu #marvel #thor #fic #one shot #or short series #possible sequel #dark!fic #dark fic #au #mafia au #mob au

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tashaalyssa · 4 years

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Our Earth-Bound Angel: An Open Letter to Misha Collins

September 18, 2008. It was a Thursday.

A simple, ordinary day. Most of us went to work, or school and when we came home, we were so excited to sit down and watch the new episode of this little show we were all kind of obsessed with called Supernatural. You might have heard of it, two annoyingly handsome brothers, a ’67 chevy impala, saving people, hunting things, the family business? Yeah, that’s the one. All I remember is having a ton of uni work to do, and Supernatural was always one of my favourite ways to procrastinate starting my assignments. Little did I know that on this particular Thursday, I and the rest of the world, including the Winchesters, would be introduced to a strange, stoic, ocean-blue-eyed, trench coat wearing being by the name of Castiel, Angel of the Lord.

As I sit here today, in November of 2020, hands down the strangest year I have been alive to witness and fifteen years after this incredible, groundbreaking show aired, I wait with anticipation, heartbreak and a grateful heart as the final episode hits our screens. I’m on the rollercoaster of emotions, as is the rest of the SPN family. Sam and Dean Winchester, and Castiel, have been so much more than television characters to so many people. They’ve been role models, safe places, escapes, friends we could always turn too when we felt alone. They’ve fought heaven, hell and everything in between, all while helping us fight the demons that a lot of us deal with everyday; depression, anxiety, repression, silence, violence, cruelty and bullying. Which brings me to why I'm writing this epistle.

While Supernatural and it’s characters have been a crux of support, for me, there has been one soul at the centre of what I can only describe as a shift in perspective, mindset and spirituality that has changed the way I think, the way I live my life, the way I perceive the world and the way in which I am consciously aware. That soul is Misha Collins.

Misha is the kind, genuine, incredible, humble human being who brought Castiel to life. He took this iconic angel through his journey from stoic, unwavering, unfeeling solider to the caring, loving, brave, loyal man he is today. Cas gave all of us who lived in the shadows a voice, he was a lost soul who fought for good, for love and for family at every turn. He discovered himself, he figured out right from wrong, figured out emotions, how to be and how to love, he figured out what truly made him happy, his love for a single human being. Cas is the embodiment of growth, of acceptance and of love. He is, and will forever be, one of the most groundbreaking characters to ever grace our screens (pun not intended, but I'll take it), and it's an astonishing and beautiful legacy to leave behind.

But the real earth-bound angel is Misha, the person.

Misha has impacted and changed so many lives all around the world, not just with his character, but with who he is, what he fights for, and how he inspires. When he speaks, we listen. Where he leads, we follow. He has changed my life in monumental ways and it's interesting to think that a single person, who I've never even had the privilege to meet in person, has been able to change my entire life for the better. There is nobody quite like Misha; he's a change maker, an advocate, an educator, an activist, a philanthropist, an absolute force to be reckoned with. I’ve never seen someone who uses their power and platform of celebrity the way he does; to fight for good, to fight for change and truly make a difference on both massive and small scales. He has brought about more kindness, and more social and political change than I ever thought possible.

In 2010, Misha, with help from the SPN Family, founded a non-profit organisation called Random Acts, which was the result of an immediate need to help those who had been affected by the earthquakes in Haiti at the time. Random Acts is an entirely volunteer-run organisation aiming to inspire change and help make a difference in people’s lives through acts of kindness. I have been working at Random Acts going on four years now. In that time, I have seen and been apart of so much good, so much kindness, it has truly lifted my soul and filled my heart at a deep level. I’ve been able to work with some of the greatest human beings on the planet, and many of them who have become close friends. Those who I can talk too when things are rough, those who know life can be hard, but they always have your back. I cherish them, I feel blessed everyday to know them, and without Misha and his desire to do good, I would never have found this amazing family. How does one even begin to say thank you for that?

For those of you who don’t know much about Random Acts, we are a non-profit organisation dedicated to conquering the world with kindness, one act at a time - and let me tell you, that’s exactly what we’re doing. The people in this organisation work tirelessly to save the world every single day. We’ve helped suffering communities rebuild their towns, homes and schools, our partnerships with GISH* and The Legacy of War Foundation* in the Change A Life project has seen over $750,000 raised for those in need. Let’s also not forget the development of the Random Acts COVID-19 Support Program and the SPN Family Crisis Support Network*, which is dedicated to promoting awareness and providing resources to all those suffering from mental health issues, self-harm, depression, bullying and addiction. This year we are celebrating 10 years of kindness, and if you would like to know more about how to get involved or contribute to our anniversary campaign, you can do so here: https://www.randomacts.org/ten-years-of-kindness/

But wait, there’s more, because that’s just who Misha is, like I said, a force to be reckoned with. Let’s face it, 2020 has been a nightmare on an epic scale; COVID, racism, violence, the U.S presidency and the election, you name it, we’ve done it. Throughout this year, most of us felt our hope slip away bit by bit, the more we tried to fight, the more it felt like we lost. It felt as though the world was burning and we couldn’t do a damn thing to stop it. I think I finally understood how Sam, Dean and Cas felt at the brink of every apocalypse they ever faced, because that is truly what this year was; the apocalypse. But whenever things got really tough, whenever I didn’t know what to do, or how to react or how to make it better, I knew I could turn to Misha, because he would have the answer. His light, his wisdom and his capacity for hope and goodness was never short of a miracle, and it was what got me through most of those gut-wrenching, 'I can’t do this’ days.

Misha is the type of person who acts on what he believes in, he is the person encouraging people to vote, providing resources and the information needed to make sure your votes were counted. He has had Random Acts volunteers bring snacks to people who were waiting in voting lines, he rallied his friends and the SPN Family to set up the SPN Phone Bank, he hosted the SPNVotes Zoom GOTV rally and episode watch party, and has provided us with Senate candidates and House of Representatives candidates lives and zoom talks so we can be as informed as possible. And that was just for the election. When the Black Lives Matter movement was at it’s height, Misha did everything in his power to educate, to assist and to fight for the rights of others: the GISH Change A Life project raised over $50,000 to fight malaria in Africa with Nothing But Nets and over $122,000 for Cut50 and Dream Corps' to help fight for criminal justice reform, he also provided us with access to discussions with senators and prominent leaders in social change so that we can be educated and so we can educate others on the serious issues that plague our society.

I could go on and on about this man, because the above only scratches the surface of what Misha has done for the world. I have never had someone impact my way of thinking and way of being on such an epic scale. Most of you who know me know that first and foremost, I’m an actor and I’m a writer. The inspiration that Misha has brought to my creative process is a feat in itself. To be able to watch an actor take a guest-star role and turn it into not just a main character, but a phenomenal example of development, growth and creativity has forever changed the way I approach a script and a character. The choices I’ve seen Misha make as Cas, all versions of, have both truly astounded and surprised me, I look up to Misha as an actor because he’s so uniquely creative. He’s not afraid to try things, he’s not afraid to push the envelope and get out of his comfort zones. He knows character and story so very well, he knows exactly how to use the full spectrum of emotions exactly when needed, and he has what I can only think to describe as ‘presence’, as ‘energy’ that radiates off the screen. Watching Misha play, develop and grow the essence that is Cas’ has been an educating and enlightening experience to watch as an actor.

For me as a human being, Misha has flipped the way I view the world and humanity on its head. He has this unbridled passion for life - and I don’t just mean in the sense that he loves life - I mean in the way where being around him, or listening to him, makes every person accountable for kindness and responsible for change. It’s not possible to follow Misha as a person and as an actor without being so heavily impacted by his views, his life, his art, his work, his capacity for good, everything. You don’t see that everyday. We don’t have enough of those kinds of leaders in our lives, and in a world where division and chaos is rife, people like Misha are our chance to save it. He is already so heavily impacting the way in which the next generation is going to behave, they are turning to him now to see how to be, what to do, how to make the world better. And he is teaching them and showing them the way and I couldn’t be prouder to call this man my idol.

So this is my thank you, in the best way I know how. In case nobody’s told you lately Misha, you are one of a kind. They broke the mould when they made you. You are the kindest, most inspiring soul and this world is so lucky and so blessed to have you. I feel privileged that I get to share a planet with you, and that I get to be living on this earth at the same time as you. You’ve changed the world, changed me, and changed all of us for the better. You’ve opened our eyes to issues and concerns, whether it be social, environmental, political or otherwise that we may not have understood or given much thought to before you showed us why we should. You’ve made us feel safe, you’ve given us the space and room to be ourselves, to not be ashamed of being different or unique. You have never judged us, but you have always encouraged and supported us. You have this beautiful way of talking to people, of using words to encourage and inspire and motivate us to be the change, to do the good, and to fight the fight. You light up any room you’re in or screen that you’re on, you make us smile and laugh, and when we feel down or low, it is you we turn too. Maybe you truly do have angel grace inside of you. You are the example to which I live my life by, and the standard to which I hold myself accountable. I hope one day to be even half the human being you are. I’m beyond grateful for everything you’ve taught me, about life, about acting, about being a good human, about being yourself and being the good you want to see in the world.

Thank you for Cas. Thank you for Random Acts and the Crisis Network. Thank you for GISH and the Change A Life project. Thank you for teaching me how to be better. Thank you for caring about the world. Thank you for your hope, wisdom and kindness. Thank you for changing the world. Thank you for saving our lives. Thank you for changing my life. Thank you for being you.

Some heroes don’t wear capes, some wear trenchcoats.

You are my hero. You are truly an angel, there is no fiction about that.

I love you.

xxx

* GISH: The Greatest International Scavenger Hunt, also founded and run by Misha, is an annual event that mixes the weird, the magical, the strange and the brilliant into one big machine that uses playfulness and creativity to spread kindness: https://www.gish.com/

* The Legacy of War Foundation: Co-founded by the incredible soul that is Giles Duley, to help empower and rebuild the lives of those who have been affected by conflict and violence: https://www.legacyofwarfoundation.com/

* SPN Family Crisis Network: Founded by Misha and fellow actors, Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki upon listening to the stories told to them by the fans about their personal struggles with mental health issues, depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts/attempts, self-harm, and addiction in order to support and help fans cope with such issues: https://www.imalive.org/, https://twloha.com/, and https://www.randomacts.org/random-acts-support-network/

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jemmo · 4 years

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‘get to know me’ tag game

rules: answer the questions and tag people you’d like to get to know better.

i was tagged by @ena-noya11 and yes this is old but ive been busy with uni and am not gonna miss a chance to rant about myself. but i wont tag anyone, just if you see this do it bc wtf not???

What do you perfer to be called name-wise?

jess, always jess. i cant remember the last time anyone called me jessica. although some people do call me moon which is cute

When is your birthday?

september 23rd

Where do you live?

im as british as they come

Three things you are doing right now:

let me see...im procrastinating from doing my dry lab work bc i cant go back into labs, im listening to my lovely new side m boys (rn its infinite possibilities by s.e.m, who lowkey may be my faves) and im knitting a jumper

Four fandoms that have piqued your interest?

1. atm defo hypmic. cant wait for the 3rd drb release to drop, in need hq black journey

2. also defo defo sk8 i really cant get enough of these skateboard gays, and ive ventured into ao3 and i dont regret it at all

3. again, idolmaster side m (can you tell i like the 2d idols) i just binged the anime after finishing a uni project and the music is absolute fire i would sell my soul for all of them

4. i hate to say it but the promised neverland, bc the first season was so good and now ive picked up the manga, and personally every single situation ive headcannoned is better than what this season is giving me

How has the pandemic been treating you?

idk really?? like day to day it doesn’t feel that bad, but i feel like it isn’t helping me at all. this is my 4th year of uni which was supposed to be very lab heavy which hasn’t happened, and being away has really dropped my confidence in being able to actually do science. and as a shy person it’s just giving me an excuse to be distant and keep to myself which isn’t good bc i know i need to make an effort to be social. but at least ive been able to spend lots of time with my family which is great bc 3 years of uni has really taught me how much i miss them when im away

but it gave me the perfect opportunity to get into anime which is great bc as a person that in the past hyperfixates and jumps between fandoms, something tells me this is gonna stick

A song you can’t stop listening to right now?

KAIGEN by badass temple. no joke it slaps. as of rn i want them to win the drb, just bc of how hard that song goes

How old are you?

22. fuck im 22, 23 this year. it feels like i only just turned 18, how am i supposed to be an adult now

School, univerisity, occupation, other?

uni, im in my 4th masters year doing biochem (and genetics), although all im studying this year is plants plants plants

Do you prefer heat or cold?

cold. defo cold. i dont mind the summer but ever since i got heatstroke a couple of years ago in a very very hot paris, ive been scarred

Name one fact others may not know about you.

i love love love watching costube, it is my gig. id love to be able to sew properly and make my own clothes

Are you shy?

definately. unless you are my family, i dont know how to act around you

Pronouns?

she/her

Biggest pet peeves?

people just not being concious of the fact that the world exists kinda?? like people that are just too preocupied with themselves. like its not that hard to just do a helpful job for someone. and you can be completely selfish about it, bc itll make you feel good to help someone else. just be nice.

What is your favorite “dere” type?

lol lowkey i love a bakadere, but only if theyre done well

Rate your life from 1-10, 1 being crappy and 10 being the best it could be.

probably 8, maybe even a 9. i have the best family, and im doing well at uni. i can just hang out, watch anime, do some work, do some crochet or knitting. i have lots of stuff to so and that i want to do which always feels great. but im also right at that turning point where im about to leave uni and have to figure out what my life is gonna be like which is terrifying, and im also at that point where i feel like my entire life revolves around uni work which kinda sucks bc theres other stuff i want to do, like learn to sew, or learn a language, that i just dont have time for. but honestly, i wouldnt have it any other way

What’s your main blog?

youre on it

List your side blogs and what they’re used for.

none. i dont have time or the mental capacity to cope with side blogs. this is just the mess of content and stream of concious rants you get

Is there something people need to know about you before becoming friends?

i SUCK at communicating. like i actively dislike communicating unless it is a 1 on 1 face to face conversation. so if i dont message you, it doesnt mean i hate you. i just suck at keeping in contact with people, and am working on it. so please just talk to me, bc ill never not want to talk

lol if you got to the end thanks and see ya

#tag game

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fencheto · 5 years

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Forbidden - Part 3 (Dimon Romantic)

The story can also be found on Wattpad You can find the previous chapters here Feedback is greatly appreciated. I went to the bathroom and finally took the much needed shower from the night before. The whole dorm was still densely filled with the smoky-alcoholic scent so I also made sure to open all the windows and doors to get some fresh air in there. “Got any suggestions where to go?” – I yelled through the bathroom door before starting the shower. “How does Starbucks sound?” – Chelle replied from her room. “Works for me.” – I said back and proceeded to wash my body Starbucks was both Chelle and I’s favorite spot for a morning coffee, the café was located in a very nice area, quite close to the centre and was easy to get there on foot from the dorm. The smell there was also blissful, nothing better than a banana cake to match the strong coffee aroma. It was the best time to go out and sit there, especially on such sunny days when the tables outside were available. On the not so bright side though, we could only go there like 2 times per week without going bankrupt. I love those guys but man, are they an expensive place. At the end of the day, I am a student and that meant being on a strict budget and having zero freedom. I put my hair in a high ponytail, and quickly put on a pair of jeans and my favorite oversized t-shirt saying “I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry”, a present from my sister Dallas, the second biggest weirdo on this planet after me. I noticed I also had dark circles under my eyes, so now the choice was either for some make up or for the big sunglasses. “Demi, are you ready?” – I hear Chelle asking, meaning she was done with her preparations. Well, it will be the sunglasses, then. “Yup, a second” – I replied, putting the last few pins on my hair and spraying a bit of perfume around my neck. “Okay, let’s go” – I told her, letting go of my door handle and going to the front door. The way to the café was a short 10-minute long walk, but we could still notice some leftovers from the few parties that were hosted yesterday. The most common type of garbage was the occasional McDonalds’ huge paper bag or Subway’s sandwich wraps and napkins. It looked as if the rubbish bags were out of stock in this country, a horrible mess. We reached the coffee shop and picked a nice cozy table in the corner on the right. Thankfully not too many people had come yet so the tables outside were still not all taken. Our seats weren’t in the middle of the hustle and bustle if I may call it like that, yet they were also close to the inner part of the café so we wouldn’t need to walk too much with the purchases in our hands. Chelle and I sat on the table and we both started flipping the pages of the menus, as if we didn’t know it all by heart by now. I was certainly gonna be having a frappe today, it was hot AF and the alcohol was still running in my system, so I was sweating like a mine worker. Not the biggest fan of ice coffee, but the situation was of a pressing matter. I turned a few pages further, the breakfast items didn’t look too bad either, the question was if I was actually hungry or just wanted to have a snack though. I thought about having a coffee cake, but that usually bloated me up a lot, so I would rather have the white chocolate chip cookie. It was not too heavy and it usually did cover me well when the sweet tooth hit me with cravings, so I was good with it. “Alright, I can go in there and get the stuff, can you stay here and keep the table?” – Chelle asked a few minutes later. “Yeah that’s cool. Can you get me a frappe and a chocolate chip cookie, with white chocolate chunks though?” “Sure, be right back. Watch my stuff there.” “Here, take 10, should be just enough” – I handed her the bill. Chelle went inside and I plopped myself back on my chair. The day was beautiful; lots of the students from our uni or the few others in town were out as well. Sunday was the day of procrastination and it did hold a very truthful rule for students: If you put it off for Sunday, it won’t happen, dude. At some point a pretty loud noise for my still hangover head came from the road. I turned around to see a black car pull over on the other side of the street. It was a type of car that was pretty rare to notice in Boston or in the states in general, quite low over the road and with a foreign registration plate. It did resemble a very familiar car that I had definitely paid attention to before. If you’d ever watched “Gone in 60 seconds”, then you would know it too – a British Jaguar. How did I know? That was Marissa’s favorite movie and therefore my least favorite one, because we’d watched it like a billion times. The only difference here was that this car was a lot newer – a model I couldn’t name for sure. I kept my gaze on and saw the person on the driving seat fidgeting with something and then opening the door. The driver stepped out, but kept his head towards the car. It seemed as if he was looking for something, until he finally found it and grabbed it from inside. I wondered what it was like to have that much money and to be able to afford such comfort. Surely I was now in a position where finances were not the greatest developing aspect of my life, but that would change later on hopefully. I would love to buy stuff without having to look at the price tag and not worry about it. Just to be impulsive, like: a Jaguar? Yes, please. That car was worth about a million dollars last time I checked. I re-focused my look over to the driver and realized I had seen this man before. Not only that, I had actually known him and already spoken to him. That was Mr. Cowell, my Music Production lecturer. And also the man whose car - probably one of his many, I kicked. And if that wasn’t awkward enough, the man I had the audacity to call ‘a fool’. He was very casually dressed this time – in just a white t-shirt and some jeans, no trace of the formal black blazer he was wearing at the university. He was also wearing a pair of dark ray-bans and was puffing on a cigarette, whilst slowly making his way to internal part of the café. At this point I actually wondered what the best thing to do was: hide from him behind my bag, bury my face in my phone and pretend I never saw him, greet him with a simple nod or step into the dangerous zone of another possible embarrassment and talk to him. In case you wondered why would I talk to him – because I wanted to apologize!? If my math was right, he would be my lecturer for quite some time, and feeling this awkward for so long was something I’d rather pass. Anyway, the problem here was that instead of actually following one of the scenarios I thought of, I was doing probably the worst I could have right now – I was looking, actually I was staring at him as if I was bewitched, with my mouth slightly opened and my chin propped onto the fingers of my hand. Good thing was I was still wearing my sunglasses and so was he, so there was still a chance he didn’t just catch me watching him like some weirdo. He reached the entrance of the café, took the cigarette off his mouth and dogged it in an ashtray on a nearby table on the porch. Once he pinched it off, he carefully lifted his gaze and for a moment looked into my direction. My immediate reaction was to look down for good 3-4 seconds, only to make my sunglasses fall down and hear the cracking sound of them hitting the ground. So much for your strategies, Demetria. I clumsily moved the table to pick them up and saw he was getting inside once I did. My face went deep red; could this have gone any more wrong? I silently hoped there was someone else his eyes were on, but when I looked around, there was no one neither behind me nor closer than 2 tables away. So chances were somewhere between very small and absolute zero. “Sorry I took so long, but there is such a long line, and oh they wrote my name wrong on the cup, so they had to change it…” – Chelle said coming to me, almost out of breath, putting the purchases on our table and taking her seat. “There you go with your drink and the cookie” – She said again, handing me my items. “Thanks Chelle.” - I said kind of distracted. “Since when are you a fan of frappes?” – She asked me. “Yeah I’m not but now it is a bit hot so I will try it out.” – I said, taking my sunglasses off and waving my hand to bring some wind to my still heated face. “Are you alright? You look nervous.” – Chelle asked. “No, nothing” – I replied, mixing my drink with the straw. A few minutes later I saw Mr. Cowell coming out on the porch from the inside part of the café, carrying two cups of coffee, only this time it was not just him, now he was accompanied by a tall blond female. She was wearing a short grey skirt and a top that was outlining her boobs quite clearly. She looked as if she was taken straight out of a magazine cover. I wondered if this was the type of women he was into. They made their way outside and quickly chose their seats, a single table distance across from us. I was facing her back and his seat was positioned in a way that we both could see each other directly. I now started to regret taking my shades off. “Dems, come on, what is it? You seem kind of lightheaded.” – Chelle asked me once again. “How come?” “You seem to not even be listening to me?” “I am, sorry, it is just…” – I said uncomfortably, looking at Simon’s table and then back at her. “What?” “I will tell you, but promise me you won’t look” – I warned in a very quiet voice. “Not look at what?” “Shhh! Okay, Mr. Cowell is sitting right across our table” “What? Where? ” – Chelle asked a lot louder than I would’ve preferred. A few people from the other tables turned their heads towards us. “Don’t shout, he’s going to hear you! There, right behind you.” - I yell-whispered at her. Chelle slowly turned her head, pretending to be fixing her hair and noticed him along with the woman that was sat on the same table. “Woah, talking about appropriate skirts” – She commented, lifting her eyebrows in amusement. “I know.” – I replied, doing the same grimace. “Are you alright?” – She asked me. “Sure, just surprised, though” – I shrugged my shoulders. “Anyway, so tell me about the guy from yesterday, he texted you in the morning didn’t he?” – I asked her, pointing at her phone. Although I had no interest in the guy she hooked up with yesterday, I knew I had to change the topic. I couldn’t possibly talk about Simon the whole afternoon; I mean who talked about their lecturers all the time? Not even geeks did. I asked Chelle more about him, letting her show me photos of them together from last night and share some unnecessary details for me to know. She was quite caught up onto the subject, and despite the fact I should have probably listened to her, I didn’t. I was barely paying attention to her and was occasionally nodding just to confirm I was a part of the conversation. My mind was busy with the man sitting on the table behind my friend. There were two factors creeping into my head constantly though: One was the common sense, telling “He is your lecturer” and two was the guilt, following with “Why is your lecturer such interest to you?” I mean how should I even define this? In general I have always been quite an impulsive person, so yelling at him on that first day we met was no surprise. Okay, the following actions were a bit too aggressive, I take that. But now what? He was offended, didn’t like me, like any other person also wouldn’t. I, on the other hand, was apparently feeling homesick; having the guy I’m in love with thousands of miles away from me, I was looking for comfort. Man’s comfort. That was the only reason behind my strange thoughts. In the meantime I noticed both Simon and the woman stood up. He pointed at the engine to her and motioned that he was going to join after going inside first. She quickly nodded and walked towards the car, whilst he went for the café bar. I followed him with my eyes before turning to Chelle. “Excuse me for a bit.” – I told her and adjusted my shirt. “Where are you going?” – She questioned surprised. “To the bathroom, be right back”- I said, leaving my seat. I got inside the café bar and saw Simon standing at the counter, placing an order for a take out. I pretended to be looking at the cakes behind the glass, standing a few feet away from him. In my ideal world, he would have turned around; I would have greeted him politely, maybe make some small talk and bring him under a somewhat good impression of me. Actually any impression that was better than the one of being a rude, aggressive bitch I had given. That was my goal right now. In reality though, after receiving his order, he was way too busy fixing the 5 items on his hands to pay any attention to me. He kept his head down the whole time, careful not to drop anything on the floor. He passed by me and did not acknowledge me even one bit, his eyes focused on the drinks. He had two drinks in each hand and a cake, which he supported against his chest. He was also mumbling something to himself while looking down, something I couldn’t fully figure out, but it was along the lines “yeah I can carry the office drinks, don’t help me”. Needless to say, I was quite disappointed of not getting the chance to talk to him. I did try to I don’t know, establish some kind of a contact, but it didn’t go as planned. To be honest, it was probably not only the lack of luck, but also the fact that he most likely didn’t want to talk to me. I couldn’t blame him, though. Perhaps it was for the better. Asking for his attention wasn’t a good idea, regardless. As I was about to make my way out to the table and Chelle, I accidentally noticed something, which looked like a small folder, standing by the edge of the counter. I looked over to the staff members, but neither of the them had noticed it yet. I guessed it was because it was left on the front side of the bar. I slowly approached the counter to see it was an open leather wallet. My first thought was to hand it over to the bartender and say I found a lost belonging. Probably what every normal human being would have done. Probably what I should have done. Instead, I decided to check it out on my own first, without giving it much of a thought. I squinted my eyes to see the beholder's name over the documents, only to confirm the doubts I'd had. On the front side of the wallet there was a driver's license, along with a photo and personal details of the beholder - Simon Philip Cowell. This time the question in my head was judged way less by morality and more by motivation. “What are you going to do about it?”

#simon cowell #demi lovato #Dimon #dimonshippers #fanfiction #DEMI AND SIMON #au story

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lalineedshelp · 5 years

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End of Semester 1

So as I’ve said, I go to BLANK university (quietly “sike bitches” the fuck out of anyone who thought they’d get my uni name). Just know that I still live in the same city I was born and raised in, and per my mom’s conditions, I go home on weekends. So logically, if I was going to stay home on weekends, I was getting a job as well. There was pros and cons to having a job on the weekends. Pros: I’m making obvious bank, and will be able to pay off my college loans on my own. Cons: had i kept up with my initial study habits from the beginning of the semester, it would have been nice to have weekends to doing homework instead of working from the moment I wake to... night (sorry I didn’t know a catchy way of saying this shit). So on weekends when I should have been focused more on some bigger projects I couldn’t. However, having a job, had I kept the aforementioned study habits, wouldn’t/shouldn’t have gotten in the way of getting homework done. Put quite simply, I got lazy. Fan fiction is way more appealing than homework, and I started to put things off. Before I was doing things weeks before they were due. Coming in towards the end now, I’m lucky if something is turned in. While my grades suffered, luckily I was able to fall back on my good grades from the beginning of the semester.

So what was I doing then that I am not doing now. For one, I wasn’t skipping all the classes I was. Say what you want about learning the same material from the textbook, but going to class gave me structure and balance that I would’t have when I skipped. One or two skips a semester is fine, but I skipped way too much. Basically, the more I skipped the worse I felt about myself, the less I wanted to go and do homework. Its not even like I had difficulty doing such task, its just that I had been unmotivated to do anything since I was laying in a depressive slump in bed. Another thing I was doing was going to the library. In High school, I was very much a procrastinator and not even a small one. For my AP chemistry class every quarter I would save up all the homework assignments and do all of them and turn them in a week before the grade book closed. So I forced myself to go to the library. I knew that working around other people that were working would help me get shit done. I also know that I like to quietly shame those not doing work in my head, on the chance that I do look up and see people on instagram or twitter, and I didn’t want to be the source of the same ridicule, so of course I made sure I was always doing work to not get privately shamed. But then I stopped going and so did the work I was producing.

I made a lot of steps forward my first couple of weeks of Uni, making sure to get rid of habits that I had in high school. But I also took steps backwards when it came to certain things. Even mental health took a back seat. After analyzing what went well and what didn’t work this semester, I’ve come up with a couple of steps to make sure I don’t fail in the following.

1. Going back to the Library.

Going to the library really worked for me. It made me more productive, and I was producing quality work that I turned in on time. Something that I did in this aspect that didn’t work was scheduling library time daily to fit with whatever I wanted to do on that given day. Basically I would give myself an out if I didn’t want to go to the library, which I ended up taking all of the last half of the semester. I already got a library buddy for next semester to make sure that we are both getting things done. We’ve also made a weekly schedule for the library, which basically has us living there, lmao.

2. Going to Peer tutoring.

There is one class that I should have gone to and asked for help, but I got anxious and lazy and didn’t get the help I needed. I honestly might end up failing the class depending on how the final goes (which is tomorrow, and I am currently procrastinating studying by doing this, so we all know how that is going). Next semester I decided to take a engineering class as well as a calc class, which I know I will need help in, so I’ve also made sure to set some time aside in my week to do so.

3. Google calendar.

For me organization is not the problem. I can organize the fuck out of my time, and I do it well, thank you very much. My problem is making the schedule, and sticking to it when things are getting lazy on my side. So to add to my excessive list making, large desk calendar, planner, and future bullet journal, I will now also be using google calendar. If you think this is excessive, just know that I think so too, and I don’t care.

4. Dropping classes that I know I wont enjoy/put the work in for.

The one class (the one with the final tomorrow) that I think I’m going to fail is my comparative politics class. I should have dropped it when I had the chance, but because I a) bought the textbook and b) am very stubborn, I stuck it out when I should have visited my academic advisor and looked for a new class to replace that one. I also shouldn’t have rushed into that class and bought the textbook, instead, I should have really made sure I was interested in the class topics, and thought about the future (i.e. will I understand this class). While I love the classes I am taking next semester, if its not working its not working and thats that, I just need to drop it and find something else.

Over all, I’m hoping to be an even better student next semester, and staying that way all the way through. Wish me luck!

#me #my post #long #study #studyblr #2nd semester #school #university #work #getting my shit together #cause i will pay somebody to beat me up if I don't #and that alternative isn't really fun #bullet journal #college #lets pray I pass this semester #Lali's post

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winryofresembool · 6 years

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Okie I was tagged to answer these questions a thousand years ago but I was busy/forgot... But better late than never. I might have missed someone’s questions so sorry if I did. Here we go. (This has answers to 4 people’s questions so I’m putting it under the cut.)

@kittykatz009 ‘s questions: 1. What is your favorite color? Turquoise!

2. Do you have any pets? Not atm, we used to have a dog.

3. What is your favorite anime? (With varying tones) Fullmetal Alchemist.

4. Are there any movies you are excited for this year? Frozen 2? I really want to see Ralph Breaks the Internet at some point too because I haven’t gotten a chance to do it yet. (Yes, I’m excited for disney movies.)

5. What is your dream profession? Honestly my REAL dream would be create things I love (draw or write) but I am never gonna get paid for that so... meanwhile, a librarian is a p neat job.

6. Favorite food? (Homemade) pizza.

7. Describe your home town’s aesthetic: lots of forests, fields and water. And snow.

8. Do you have any current WIPs? LCMTI ch 23 & giveaway fic 2. (so sorry for being so slow with them)

9. What was the anime that got you into anime? I was going to say FMA but then I remembered it’s not true because actually, it’s Pokémon. If my pokemon fan friend hadn’t recced fma to me, I probably wouldn’t have started watching it.

10. Do you have any collections?

All FMA manga volumes? That totally counts, right :D (I do have some fan merch too)

11. What degree do you have/are working towards?

Librarian ^ I also have a bachelor’s degree on Nordic languages. Crazy, huh.

@theothardus ‘s questions:

1. What is your first memory?

I have no idea... I have some v vague memories of playing with my childhood friends while listening to Titi-Nalle (only Finns know) at the kindergarten.

2. What do you see yourself doing next year?

I /hope/ I’m working (at a library) then... Pls pls pls someone hire me.

3. What type of person are you attracted to? Physically? Personality-wise?

That is honestly so complicated a question I’m not sure I can answer. Well, clearly these golden haired golden eyed dudes who are kinda broody but soft inside get to me...

4. Would you go to outer space? Why or why not?

It would be kinda scary. I’m so torn because it would be cool but I would also freak out probably.

5. City or countryside? Why?

Countryside bc I’m too used to it...

6. Your last meal if you were on death row?

Creepy... but probably still pizza (and chocolate thank u v much)

7. Clothes/makeup/anything that makes you feel super confident?

Sorry for my pessimism but nothing makes me feel super confident :’D

8. What foreign country would you most like to visit?

I would totally love to go back to UK one day but... there are also so many other places I’d like to visit... f. ex. where my tumblr friends live...

9. A thing that can make you immediately feel nostalgic? (Could be an object, a show, a song, et cetera)

A lot of songs do that to me, for example pokemon first season music...

10. What age would you want to stay forever and why?

Tbh I would gladly go back to 18-19 before I had to decide what to do with my life. It was a good time because there was a lot I could already do at that age but I didn’t have to worry about a lot of adult issues (such as money) quite yet because I still lived at home.

11. If you could travel into the fictional world of your favorite series (TV/manga/movie/etc), what would you do there?

Maybe the Harry Potter world, and I don’t know? Hopefully study all kinds of cool stuff.

@criis55 ‘s questions:

If you could have a super power, what would it be?

Invisibility. Would be useful a lot of times.

Are you a cat person or a dog person? Why?

Cat. I like dogs too but they can be scary sometimes.

Which languages would you like to be fluent in?

English, German, Spanish, Japanese, to name a few.

Which was your first fandom ever?

Friends? The O.C.? HP? Hard to say.

Ultimate OTP of otps. Explain your choice.

*groans* P sure you know this one, and I have already explained it so many times :’D

Favorite book of all time?

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban?

Do you have a favorite OST? Which one?

When it comes to game soundtracks, Pokémon X/Y ftw.

Which one is your favorite Ice Cream flavor?

Strawberry, probably. Or fudge/caramel.

Explain with photos in your galery your current mood.

My mood always ^

Do you regret doing something in the past? What is it?

I certainly did a lot of bad decisions during my uni years... Let’s not go there more deeply.

Which thing are you grateful for in your life?

That despite everything, my family can be very supportive.

@automail-freak-and-alchemy-freak ‘s questions:

1: describe your current mood with a color: probably dark grey bc ngl I’m feeling a bit anxious.

2: favorite music genre: pop/rock

3: most recent thing you read: Last book I finished was The Last Olympian by Rick Riordan and now I’ve moved onto The Lost Hero :)) So far I’m digging it.

4: what’s your dream job: already asked, but librarian

5: name 3 things you’re good at: am I good at something? Uh, I guess learning languages, writing (altho I COULD be a lot better), and... procrastinating? Yup, the last one is my ultimate talent.

6: what’s the worst joke you know? I can’t come up with any? Probably some Nina related jokes in the fma fandom...

7: how many siblings do you have? 3 bros.

8: What’s something you loved to do as a kid? Watch pokemon and moomin (and still do)

9: what’s one unique thing about you? I don’t think anyone else has written a multi chapter Edwin ice skating au 😅

10: favorite kind of fanfic to read?

The types I also enjoy writing: fluff and hurt/comfort

11: on a scale of 1-10, how much time do you spend watching vine compilations?

1. I have done that maybe 1 or 2 times (ofc I still see them around every once in a while “unwillingly”)

#tia speaks #answers #thank you everyone :)

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yoonia · 6 years

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85 Questions: Tag Game

⇢ Rules: Answer these 85 questions about yourself and tag 20 people

⇢ I was tagged by @fireheart-namjoon and @jimin-calicocat (thank you, my loves!)

⇢ Last:

Drink: coffee

📱Call: boyfriend

Text Message: the vet

Song you listened to: kina - light headed (ft. cøzybøy)

Time you 😢: Last weekend, when my cat refused to eat and kept throwing up his meds

⇢ Ever:

Dated someone twice: yes...only with that one person a long time ago

😘 someone and regretted it: yes

Been cheated on: unfortunately...yes

Lost someone special: yes

Gotten drunk and thrown up: not really

⇢ In the last year, have you:

Made new friends: yes

Fallen out of 💛: nope

😂 until you 😢: yes. Whoever thought of putting Mino and P.O together in the recent New Journey To The West series is freaking brilliant.

Found out someone was talking about you: yep

Met someone who changed you: no

Found out who your friends are: yes

😘 someone on your Facebook friends list: I don’t even have a Facebook

⇢ General:

How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: I wouldn’t know lol

Do you have any pets: I have two cats that I love with my life

Do you want to change your name: I don’t think so

What did you do for your last 🎂: spent the whole day with my older sister and my two aunts who all have the same birthday date as I do. We drank a lot, baked a cake, ruined the cake, ate the cake while drunk, talked about men, life, cats, our love lives, Henry Cavill, my older sister’s book, cats again, and the rest was kind of blurry.

What time did you wake up today: around 6am. I always wake up at 6 on weekdays as if my body is programmed to. plus, it’s my cats’ feeding time lol

What were you doing at midnight last night: reading. I stumbled upon a really interesting book on Wattpad and I couldn’t put my phone down.

What is something you can’t wait for: graduation. one step closer and I’ll be done with my study :)

What are you listening to right now: ilham - Say Less

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yes. my cousin Tommy and this dude in uni named Thomas. Close enough?

Something that gets on your nerves: my procrastination

Most visited website: Inkitt

Hair color: dark brown. I just felt like it’s time to return to dark hair :)

Long or short hair: Long. Although I just cut my hair a bit shorter :))

What do you like about yourself: I’m pretty much a good listener. If we’re talking physicaly then perhaps my small hands lol

Want any piercings: I have a lot already

Blood type: A

Nicknames: Just...Dia. My other nicknames are taken from my real name. My roommate still has my name saved in her phone as “Bob”

Relationship status: taken :)

Zodiac sign: Libra

Pronouns: she/her

Favorite 📺 show: NJTTW, Peaky Blinders, Knowing Bros, GOT, Criminal Minds

Tattoos: I currently have 4. (1) a half mandala on the back of my neck down to between my shoulders (2) my name written in hiragana on my left arm (3) a writing of “imagine” on my right arm. I just added a 4th on my left arm which is still healing (I’m keeping this one a secret for now lol)

Right or left handed: I’m ambidextrous. Thanks to my latest predicament, I can only use my left hand lol

Ever had surgery: had a few in the past and almost had one a month ago. which thankfully was not needed.

Piercings: I have 6 on my earlobes. but I’ve only been wearing the helix on my upper left earlobe lately

Sports: occasional gym, tracks and yoga

Dream Vacation: any place in the world. But Japan is on my top list

Trainers: only the pair of Adidas I use at gym

Eating: Japanese & Korean food, pasta, anything that is easy to cook lol

Drinking: coffee coffee coffee. I can’t function without them

I’m about to watch: nothing. I’m supposed to be sleeping lol but I’d really love to watch Burn The Stage Movie if there’s a chance to

Waiting for: my roommate to come home. she works night shift at a nearby pub

Want: to finish this next chapter for Blood Moon Rising. I’m just two scenes away T^T

Get married for: love, I guess

Career: I’ve always been aiming to be an interior designer, but the urge to write professionally has been growing stronger lately.

Hugs or kisses: hugs (I’m a hugger)

👄 or eyes: eyes

Shorter or taller: Taller

Older or younger: it doesn’t matter, really. I always feel like I’m not mature enough for my age which led me to date younger men before I met my current boyfriend

Nice arms or stomach: arms

Hookup or relationship: relationship

Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

⇢ Have you ever:

😘 a stranger: nope

Drank hard liquor: yes

Lost glasses: twice the past year alone

Turned someone down: yes

Sex on first date: no

Broken someone’s ️❤️: kinda...

Had your 💔: yes

Been arrested: no

😢 when someone died: yes

Fallen for a friend: yes

⇢ Do you believe in:

Yourself: not really

Miracles: I’m beginning to

💛 at first sight: not really

😘 on the first date: maybe...I would say no, but..

Angels: yes

⇢ Other:

Best friend’s name: Rae

Eye color: dark greyish brown

Favorite Movie: Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless MInd (I always go back to this one lol)

Favorite actor: Korean: Park SeoJoon/Lee Hyungsik || International: Dylan O’Brien (I only changed one since most are the same!! @jimin-calicocat lol)

Favorite Food: Japanese food

Extrovert or Introvert: introvert

Favorite flower: Daisies and peonies

Favorite Hello 🐈 characters: a...what now???

⇢ Okay, twenty people is a lot and I don’t think I talk to that many people T^T I’m just going to tag: @underthejoon @def-initely-soul @tendershepherd @gukvenchy @noona-la-la-la @joonbird @avveh @taetaetrashhh @sarangtaee @randombtsprincessa @vankoya @trbld-writer | as always, only do this if you want to!!!

#tagged #about me

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cclkestis · 6 years

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HENLO FRIEND I AM HERE FOR THE ASKS!!! 16, 25, 27, 30-35, 42, 47, 65, 77... I should stop there because I'M NOSY AND WANT TO KNOW A L L THE THINGS

HENLO!! Thank you Heather!! PLEASE BE AS NOSY AS YOU LIKE

16. who are your top 5 fictional characters?

Okay so this changes on a regular basis based on my mood but at the moment: Connor, Markus, Nathan Drake, Newt Scamander, Peter Parker

25. what do you like about yourself?

I guess my ability to get on with people? I can work with almost anyone when I need to! And my hair is pretty nice too!

27. do you like your handwriting?

It depends - when I’m not rushing too much it’s alright I think, but when I’m taking notes at uni or just rushing it is a m e s s

30. what time did you wake up today?

7:30am rip - although I did try and go back to sleep, but one of the blinds in my room is broken and WAS taped shut but apparently the tape broke so it was really bright and I didn’t quite properly get back to sleep again

31. what are your bad habits?

Procrastinating, if that counts lmao. Other than that (I feel like I’ve answered this a qhile back now that I think about it) my habit of just disappearing on people when I get stressed or things are getting bad. I am getting better at not doing it so much but it’s still a challenge

32. what was your first fandom?

Harry Potter, easily. They were the first books I distinctly remember reading and the first thing I really remember getting into online, and the story has had a lot of impact on my life!

33. burger or pizza?

Pizza all the way!

34. do you have any unusual talents?

I’m not sure what we’re defining as unusual here, but not really I don’t think?

35. when did you last feel infinite?

If I fully understood this question it’d be easier to answer, but there’s a 90% chance I was probably half asleep at the time haha

42. do you really relate to your zodiac?

My zodiac sign is Leo but that’s about the limits of as far as I go into that realm, so I don’t really know enough about it to say whether I relate or not pfft

47. what has been your most vivid dream?

When I was younger I always remember this really terrifying dream where I (a person who h a t e s heights) was on a platform randomly floating in the middle of the air, surrounded by clouds and it got windier and windier until I was blown off - it was wild and it still makes me shudder to think about it. Asides from that, in more recent years I was a dumbass and watched a five nights at freddy’s video too close to going to sleep and had a really vivid dream about those fucking animatronics just being in my room and staring at me so that was a time and a half

65. if you had to pick a fictional universe to live in forever, which one would you pick and why?

Oooft hitting me with the tricky questions - as much as I love the DBH universe and the idea of androids, my heart is always going to come back to the Harry Potter universe because I’m still a child and want to be surrounded by magic

77. how was your day?

It’s been pretty good, thank you!! Spent time with my cousin again before she went home, got free lunch, went for a nap, FINALLY made it back on my laptop, got back to our planning shenanigans (which I’ll be back on as soon as I’ve answered all of these :’) ) and Strictly Come Dancing started back tonight so I watched that with my mum and I am so excited for it!! All in all it’s been a nice day!!

#ily heather!!#finding-jericho #friend #answered #asks #not dbh #about me

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k-bloggs · 6 years

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Have an embarrassing read at something i tried to write a couple years ago. back when i was happy lol

My First Blog. – 20/11/16

Okay, so here goes. This is my first ever attempt at anything like this really. I have written before in many different formats and styles but I don’t know what’s come over me lately but I feel inspired to write again and I know as well as anyone else this isn’t a typical feeling that comes along every so often so by fuck I am gonna’ grab it and take a chance and see where I end up. I literally just unlocked and locked my phone again there because I’m trying to have a proper focused dedicated mind to attempting this. I’m not even too sure what I’m supposed to do in a blog, what even is a blog? I don’t know but I know that I’ve wanted to start making a journal of things that are going on in my life but due the fact I am extremely lazy this may be very seldom so the next update could be quite a while so don’t expect anything too frequent.

Like I said I’m not even too sure what I am meant to be doing or how I am even meant to go about it, I am a firm believer in the fact that writing doesn’t have to be performed or practised in any particular way. That there is essentially no wrong or right way in how it is carried out or laid out, but I feel like I just want to do something a bit more productive with my life from now on. A long childhood friend has recently started doing animations and making his own videos and uploading them to YouTube and to be quite honest they are great, its so great to see something like that, the thing about Ryan Is that our friendship took a bit of a standstill when we were kids must have been between the ages of 8 and 10 at least. Ryan and his family were emigrating to New Zealand and as a kid yeah you see this as a big thing but you don’t realise the likelihood of seeing them as often is completely and utterly abolished due to the fact you have no idea how much it would cost to fly out there. Ryan must be around 18 or 19 now and I just turned 20 there this year, and its great to see we still have so much in common, to just spit it out and be clear after seeing that this is what he into it kind of inspired me to get back to what I love doing. I love writing. I’m not so much of a reader which is the weird thing, again all down to my laziness, if a book doesn’t get my attention within the first paragraph or so I find it very hard to stick with it or even go back to it if I do manage to finish a chapter. The same applies for the likes of articles and campaigns and any form of literature really. But I thought hey you know what it’s about time I started doing what I love and even more its about time I start love what im doing.

Just to be clear, this year has probably been one of the biggest milestones of my life. I finally did it, I finally got a girlfriend. Fuck. It’s still weird even saying that, so yeah I will leave the ultimate love story of the century to maybe the next blog or edition whatever the fuck you want to call this. This is mainly just for me to get to grips with the style that im going to write in, if I do choose to carry on with this (Which I feel like I will). If anyone reads this yeah, awesome im happy someone out there is reading my stuff but to be honest this if for me as much as it is for anyone else out there. I want to see what I can do and if this really is the best time to get back into writing, basically one side of me is saying yeah what the hell go for it you need something like this but at the same time as there always is, the polar opposite emotion of just fear I guess? Not wanting to pick something up again only to go off my track record and drop this 5 minutes later like I do with everything else? But hey its 7.15pm on a frosty Sunday night in November, what else am I going to do? Sit, procrastinate and wish I had of done something useful.

Not that im going off track because essentially there isn’t much to this article its just me spamming a lot of stuff down so who ever reads this can kind of of get a grip of where I am right now in life and basically why I’m doing this. So here goes, I dropped out of college for last week. For the second time…

Yeah im officially a two time college dropout, nothing t be proud of I assure you, but im just waiting for the opening credits to roll ad realise im in the first scene of a really shitty coming of age movie where im the older brother your parents don’t want you to turn out like.

But yeah, I left school at 16 and went to a technical college, basically an establishment which offers a-levels to people who didn’t get back into school or else didn’t want to go back to school. I studied a 2 year course in creative media production and honestly it was awesome, it was so fucking cool and the course didn’t have that many uninteresting or boring areas, but yeah you guessed it I was lazy didn’t do any of the work and just took advantage of the whole independent learning aspect of it and never bother showing up for class plus a whole pile of other steamy shit went on that year that we are just not gonna discuss at this moment in time. But coming towards the end of the second year when the course was gonna finish and In a couple months after that I would figure out if I got the grades to get into the uni of my choice I asked my teachers if they would be wiling to let me come back and repeat the second year of the course. They were more than happy to, they gave me exactly what I needed, a fresh slate and a chance to correct myself, and you know what happened? Yeah your right I totally blew it and fucked up again just hated the thought of working or studing in media for any longer. Like I loved making short films and writing screenplays and everything I even liked some of the assignments but basically I had it in my head I didn’t want a career from this anymore due to the fact it was something I loved so much and it was basically kicking my ass all day, all fucking week long. The only thing that got me through that repeated year of college was the girl of my dreams and we weren’t even going out yet. But as said before there is more to come with her, she deserves the whole word so the least I can do is dedicate one sole piece of writing to me and her and our story, truth is there are not enough words in the world to even begin to describe who she is and how she thinks and works and even jus to describe how she came into my life, yes a combination of letters on a page or screen may work for some people but no, not for her. This girl is a queen from another realm, she is a princess from a faraway kingdom, she is an angel from heavens further and beyond the highest clouds. She is the love of my life and that is the only way to explain her and who she is. But getting back to the educational fuck ups In my life, here goes the explanation to how I arrived here, 5 days after dropping out of another course. This time I was studying IT, you know trying to go down that route of career, thinking of my future and what not? Yeah that didn’t go to plan either, I basically rejected a full time promotion on good money and I hadn’t regretted anything as much in my life. Basically college was another fuck up and let’s just say I managed to get out and finished a bit earlier this time rather than waste my own time and anyone else’s. Plus, if I carried on with these next two years that would 5 years of studying A-levels just for me to be a whining little bitch about how I didn’t want to go to university. I am just at the stage of my life now, not where I am considering moving out and settling down but some things don’t appeal to me the same as they used to. Going to uni and living and experiencing that independence in life and finding a career path and devoting the rest of my life to something I may not even be happy at? Na, no thanks not for me. Not at this moment in time anyway. For right now I’m happy enough to keep my eyes and ears open for what all jobs are available for me and what foot to put next in front of me. Get a couple extra pounds in my pay check each fortnight and you know that might do for year or so. Maybe get back on the studying boat in a year or two and carry on with the IT. That is, you know if I don’t become like a stereotypical copy of a character you would expect to see in a ‘Community’ reboot.

I was watching a clip of Jim Carey giving a speech a couple of days ago and basically what I got from it was that he had returned to his old school or college or university or whatever in order to give a commencement speech or he was receiving his award or something anyway not really vitally important. What is important is what he said in his speech, basically his message he was getting across as in most motivational speeches, is the reinforcement of using fear to help you rather than to put you off, accepting fear and accepting that no matter what you will fail, but that’s okay and if it wasn’t for the fact that accepting it you wouldn’t have the drive to reach for greatness like so many greats have done before you, whether they have made it to great fame and fortune or if it was just the regular girl from a small town who made a life and career for herself because it’s what she wanted to do. Anyway, Carey says, “You will only ever have two choices, love or fear. Choose love and don’t ever let fear turn you against your playful heart.” Basically what Carrey is telling us here is to embrace fear, don’t avoid it, stare down the barrel of its gun charge at it and conquer it, but never let it conquer you, never let fear become the objective always make sure it rises no more than an obstacle in your course, a mountain you must climb or a hurdle you must leap over. Defeating fear is never the final piece of the puzzle. Like walking in a straight line, you put your left leg forward and then do exactly the same with your right, repeat until you arrive where you need to be? Well, fear is that first big step. The first big step into a new world and a new environment and mind set and who knows what it’s going to throw at you. But you need to remember that it’s there to make sure you don’t triumph in whatever you set out to do, but you can’t move forward without taking that step. Then comes the next step, failure. And as stated before yeah, your gonna fail, your gonna fail and you’re going to fuck up and mess up and trip up, over and over and over again, this is the repetitive steps the same as walking that we take to go in a straight line, the same works with this. Without taking the same repetitive bullshit same old story steps in life, we will never reach the finish line that is success.

#blogging #cringe #first blog #wiriting

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misfitgirlonanisland · 4 years

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New Year’s Resolutions 2021

i’m writing this post with my belly full from one of my countless binge eating series i had this year.

well folks, i know nobody is gonna care to read this post, but i kinda promised myself to do it for my own wellbeing: writing something down is better than just thinking bc i know myself too damn well, i will procrastinate and never take the time for a good face to face talk with said person here (mind to mind talk could do better, to be fair)...anyways, i was getting lost in trivia comments here, let’s get to the point.

There is no easy way to say this but looking back this year has been a failure, i have been a failure. after spending one semester abroad where i had the time of my life and i was loving myself like never before, i was feeling myself, i came back and what did i decided to do? be depressed. and this was even before the whole corona virus damned thing. so i came back and i hated my life, every possible thing i had in my old and boring and monotone life: i hated my place, my town, my life, i hated the chains that tied me to this reality of things and in this world i was forced to live in i even hated myself. i thought it was normal, i told myself i should be gentle and give myself time to realize how golden were the times i had overseas, that that one was a fairytale and i got my call of midnight...well i had no time to adjust to my sucky reality that the pandemic started to blow up. so before i even understood a thing, we were all in this big giant and apocalyptic scenario. i had two weeks of normal everyday life and then the lockdown. OKAY, thank you Jesus, if you hated me you could have just said so... i had to go back home. my depression already kicked in, i came back fat as a pig and at home, where i was even sadder and felt more claustrophobic and lost i kept gaining weight, binge eating the crap out of my shelves.

Result: stretch marks, big and red stretch marks on my inner thighs. now i love stretch marks, but those were a wake up call for me: i always had changes in weight but never this serious... i looked at myself and i wouldn’t even recognize the reflection anymore. i was doing nothing all day, when instead i had to study and work on my assessment for my graduation. i risked my graduation. i was just shocked with myself and began to feel really uncomfortable with my mind: i thought that i have these big dreams and plans for my future but maybe i am not strong enough, not motivated enough. maybe i got it all wrong...

i rebuilt myself: FUCK MY LITTLE BRAIN, FUCK ME! i screamed in my head, i am way stronger than this. i need to get it straight, i need to get it right, i’ve worked my ass off before and i can do it again. i deserve this and i am not gonna throw it all, i am not gonna screw this up!

well...it worked! i was back on track: i started living like a normal and functional human being, i started exercising daily and lost weight, i was feeling strong and regain some mental stability, i felt confident enough to go out and feel kinda fine. i got a friend who helped me get up in the morning, he would call me every morning and hear my rocky morning voice when i confused as fuck don’t even know my name. we would study all day together (skyping like in the early 2000s) and chatting, laughing, i really love him and i am so grateful to have him in my life. my other best friend, well with her i had a pretty rough time with her last semester, but we prepared together our chinese exam and, God, we were on fire. finally my best shrink and adviser, i always run to her whenever i am a wreck cause i know she won’t ever, once, judge me, my kpop queen, she kept me sane, safe and loved. i got past the semester, i got my graduation with full marks and got to pass every fucking admission test for the masters i wanted to attend. each one that i tried, each one of them...i thought i would be happy with what i did, i had to be happy: i mean, i was doing fine! i even had a summer flirt (veeeery brief but you know, it always boosts your confidence a bit)

WHAT WAS I MISSING?

Well...i still have no answer to that!

to be completely honest i was still insecure about my appearance and body, but that i had it all planned: going back to uni for me means going back to a “healthy” lifestyle and it always pays in image, i always feel better and consequently treat me better, like if i were some kind of princess.

So as happy and with my hopes high i start in September this new chapter of my life.

i was doing okay at the beginning: i mean i knew somethings changed, but i got in the master i always wanted and hoped for, i was getting thinner, i was then feeling more confident and i even got to be the crush of a guy who seriously was dying to see me every time he had a chance, i tighten this bond i had with some friends in uni and i love them, i do...but something cracked inside of me

i started to feel all this pain, numbness and void i couldn’t fill with anything. not enough cigarettes or food could help me, but did worse instead. at the beginning it was a matter of some sporadic days, then it lasted for longer and it occurred oftener...to the extent in a month i was counting with my very own hands the days i felt like i could live a normal life. with the second lockdown i decided to stay in my college city, alone at home and this was on one hand a blast, sick in a very positive way, on the other hand i had the freedom to behave like i wanted. so i lost myself various times, i thought about the sense of living, i thought i was not meant for this life, that i had not enough tools or capabilities to survive this lifetime of my own. i didn’t recognize what i wanted to do in life, i didn’t recognize what was i even doing and who i was. the days were just passing by, each one of them the same. i didn’t even care to bother what was the time, what the weather outside was like. i was just spending my life in bed and in the kitchen eating everything passed through my wicked mind.

there i recognized i may be suffering from something a bit too big for my bare self only. but who wanted to go to someone and admit to have once again been defeated at life? not me, not now. no sir! i can do it on my own, i thought...and i was wrong, again.

“get up you undefined mass of lard and bones, get your shit together and do something”. this helped me that time i was beaten pretty bad, after a week and a half i spent in bed, not even having the strength to shower. i got up, eventually, and i did fine. i thought i was doing it again, “who needs to seek help?! i got me, i know how to behave, i know what to do, don’t need nobody but me to get back on track”

and two weeks after another breakdown

and then again, after three/four days, Sergeant G is back! i checked upon myself once again and got back on my feet ready to fight another battle.

i am tired and ashamed, i have to admit i am losing this war. every time i get up i fall, and it takes me more energy every time to believe in myself. i don’t even know how to walk straight anymore, i just know somehow i am gonna trip again.

here i am, dear G, it’s almost 6am, it’s the 31st December 2020 and you have not taken a shower since Xmas’s Eve. It’s not important how i ended up here writing to you, or even how bad i’ve been feeling these days. what’s past is in the past, i told myself i would give me until the new year so i know i am also taking advantage of that...anyways again i am talking too much.

the deal is: you gotta get your life back and we understood you cannot do that alone. i have the exams coming so for now i need to be focused and concentrated on those. after that i am gonna search for someone who can help me understand what’s going on in that head of mine.

it’s been way too long since i last truly enjoyed being myself and being alive. i want to be happy again and laugh again until i cry and feel alive again, i want to fall in love with who i am and with every little thing that makes being alive a gift.

these are my goals:

1. unfortunately my first thought goes to my exams: GOD give me enough mental health to prepare them and pass them

2. fix yourself and love yourself

3. be grateful for what you have and for the opportunities life gives everyday

4. dedicate more time to what makes you you

5. don’t hate yourself over food

6. laugh

7. love

8. enjoy the little things

9. embrace the challenges of life

10. find your way back to you

11. travel

12. dream

13. fight for what you love and for what’s right

14. be kind

15. read more

16. sharpen your cinematic culture| make yourself one

17. don’t stress over what was yesterday and what can be tomorrow, live the present: day by day

18....

these are just some of the simple rules i wanna live by starting from tomorrow. they’re not imperative, some days i can forget to follow them, some days are just big fat NOs, i have to accept it and move on.

until then, be brave little and sick G, see you in 2021, stay alive!

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phakjira198 · 4 years

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2020 Recap

Most people won’t reminisce the year 2020, but they’ll probably look back and think what a shitty year it was, with covid-19, lock-down and abysmal economy. But for me personally, 2020 wasn’t all too bad. I’ve learned a lot from this year. This year was like a roller coaster for me, a lot of ups and downs. A lot definitely happened, most of them are new things I’ve never experienced before. I mean, I think the reason why 2020 was not so bad for me is because I like who I am now. I think I’m a lot more stronger, a lot more confident, and a lot less tense than who I was in 2019 or earlier in 2020 itself. So here’s a list of recap of what happened and how it has changed me.

JAN

1. Stressing about a side project that I had with Pat, Ammy and Dao, called Thunder Bolt (I think)

2. Went to Perth and Melbourne, Woo hooo. Perth was a lot of fun; we stayed at an AirBnB and cooked every night. The lamb chop was wicked. There was a bush-fire when we went to Melbourne but it was still fun.

-> at this point I was so sick of Arts and Museum lol. (because I over did it in Tokyo last year 5555)

3. Exchange decision: debating between Dartmouth, USA and Groningen, Netherlands. Made countless list of pros and cons. In the end, I decided that I need the sun and can’t stand only 7 hours sunlight everyday for a month in Groningen, so choose Dartmouth instead. Anyway Him pissed me off so much about deciding where to go, peeps keep pressuring me to choose because my grade is high. In the end it doesn’t even fucking matter bitch, you just need to ace your interview, which I did and got a full score baby!

-> I just remembered that my Mac went cra cra and I had to change my screen. Thank god that I had Apple care otherwise, I’ll have to pay like 21000 Baht, but instead I got it fixed for free eiei. Anyway, I went to Australia without my Mac and I think that’s probably the longest that I’ve gone without my mac.

FEB

1. Lot of school work, according to my monthly calendar 55555. Had to prep for the exchange interview and everything as well. And had champ thingy as well.

2. Had a weird, random, study date-ish session with Pat. I don’t think he think of it as a date, he just wanted to study and I’m a somewhat useful resource ( or at least I hope so) -> because of working with him in Jan and like whatever the fuck happen in Feb, I started to develop a crush on him (again! jesus woman). But this time it was different, cause I actually told people about it, and by people I mean Tam 5555555. Anyway it was because on Valentine day, Tam, Por, Ohm, and I (we were all single, so sad) went out to celebrate the fact that we got to go to Dartmouth. And I was not very alcohol tolerant back then (notice the back then part, cause girl I can handle my alcohol nowadays 555), so when they asked me whether I liked someone or not, I hesitated and they spent the entire night try to figure out who. Later on that night when I got back home, I told Tam wa who 55555. But like it was just a crush, I didn’t like like him. Cause I don’t really know him well enough for me to “like” him.

3. GOT MY FIRST CAR!!!!, aka Stacy. But haven’t really got the change to drive her yet 555555555. The story behind how I got the car sound very privileged. I didn’t noticed it at first, but then went I told Ming what happened, she was like what a rich people way, and I’m like oh yeahh. So I stopped telling the story 55555. Anyway, I’m gonna tell it here again cause only future Jessie will read this post.

MAR

1. Midterm during the first week: so nothing much, just studying

2. Drove my car for the first time after mid-term. Took it to uni for like 3 times and then number 3 happened

3. COVID-19 hit baby -> online studying -> I was enjoying life as fuck. My introvert self was striving. I was playing piano, doing arts, keeping a bullet journal. Watching shit load amount of studio Ghibli and other movies.

APRIL

1. Pretty much the same as march. To be honest, they kinda merged together cause you can’t really tell time when you’re at home all the time. It’s just like school holiday.

2. Cheesy Avocado. Worked a lot on this joint-project for my 3 classes (software engineering, database system, ICE capstone). Spend a lot of time calling with Tam, Party and Nat. Shout out to Party for being a good PM; we would have never finished the work without you, and if I was the PM I would have drove myself crazy until the work is finish, you really help my mental health 5555.

3. Songkran that doesn’t feel like Songkran at all. Had all my classes as usually, and didn’t get leave my house. ToT

MAY

1. Final the first 2 weeks. Got a chance to work on a killer report for my history of animation class. I wrote an almost 20 pages report on “Whisper of the Heart”, a lot of it are my own analysis from scratch, so I’m very proud of it eiei.

2. Prep for Agoda -> I was very lazy to do this. I procrastinated it to the very last minute and didn’t even finished it properly lol.

3. Went out for lunch with friends for the first time since the pandemic at a Korean restaurant in Siam One. (Had a record driving time to Siam at 12 minutes I think)

--> I think May was like boring af. Nothing really happened that much.

JUNE

1. Started my internship at Agoda as a data engineer in the Messaging team. It’s a part of a bigger team called Agoda Data Pipeline, and I worked on a project called improve Kafka Offset Monitoring, where I implement this new feature called “time lag”. I wrote a blog post about it but never actually posted on Medium 55555. It requires too much work man. But I first started the internship we had to work from home, because of covid-19, which was depressing as fuck. It was not fun at all!!! To top that off, it was difficult and I was lazy and just no no. Then we got to start working at the office on the 21 of June and that was a lot more fun and everything. I really enjoyed working there.

2. Grandma passed away on the 19th of June. Thank god that I was working from home then cause I was crying my eyeballs out and it did not look pretty. But it wasn’t as bad as when P’Rin passed away (where I cry for non-stop 3 days and had to missed a trip that I was supposed to go on), because we were expecting it to happened. It was out of the blue or anything. The doctor asked whether we want to ฝอกไต her or not and the family agreed that we don’t want to put her through anymore pain, so we decided that we’re not going to do it. And the doctor said that if we’re not going to do it, then all we can do now is wait for her to go. I was in her room (well almost the entire family was) when her heart stopped beating and I think grandma was happy that we were all there.

-> nothing much else. Just hangout with people, ทำบุญให้อาม่า and just work.

JULY

1. Continue with the internship. At the Internship they had this thing called the the intern pitched competition and my team fucking won. (I probably already covered this in another blog post, so I’m not going to get into the details here). Anyway, we won 6000 Baht and spent it a Japanese restaurant in Gaysorn Plaza.

2. Finished up the internship project towards the end of the month.

3. Went drinking multiple time at Groove 5555.

AUG

1. Went to Koh Kood, it was so goooddd (pun intended 5555). A couple of days after the internship ended on the 5th of Aug. The trip itself was fabulous, pretty beach and fin food. But the weather itself wasn’t particularly good, but that’s okay.

2. Started talking to a guy for the first time (Woo Hoo!). It was all fun and game until somebody loses their mind (and that somebody just happened to be me, SAD) But actually I haven’t lose my mind in August yet. August was a lot of fun, I really liked the version of myself was talking to him. I was open and honest and wasn’t afraid that he would judge me. We had like 3 cute calls, but that was it 55555555. I called him on his BD at midnight to wish him happy birthday; I was cute as fuck. Just think back about it is making me blush, and boy did I blushed a lot. I’ll probably write more on the experience later in another blog post.

3. Started my senior year at uni. But this time it’s a little different because your home girl is a TA as well. I have the power to influences a the grade of a sophomore, felt powerful 555. We still had to do online studying, although I don’t really think it was necessary at that point, cause there wasn’t really new cases and people were out and about like normal just with their face masks on. The classes that I took this sem were good as well, I actually enjoy all of it, especially Stochastic and Optimisation, which makes me consider studying my master in Operation Research, but will still have to do more research on that 55555.

4. Worked on the Global sustainable development SDG goal competition thingy, and we got into the final 10 rounds. But we didn’t win 5555555, but it was still great cause I made a new friend. (which is really rare for me 555)

SEP

1. Your home girl 20!!!! I’m now officially legal and can drink and buy alcohol in public casually, which I am enjoying 555555555. Let’s just say I drink now 555. Btw I cried the night I turned 20 because I didn’t want to. I don’t want to grow up and I don’t want to become an adult, but I guess we can’t avoid it and we’re just going to have to embrace it instead. Also I think I was crying as well because I expected something from prime, I don’t know what I was expecting and keep telling myself that I didn’t expect anything but that’s not true. I did. Anyway he sent me a voice message and was the first one to wish me happy birthday eiei. And you guess it, I blushed bitch.

2. Shit also went to hell this month with the Prime stuff. Specifically on the 25th of September, where Millie told me that Prime told her that he likes her. And that he asked her to watch a movie and eat out (which he never did with me wtf bro). So when that happened we stopped talking, like literally stopped after that night. The last thing on our chat was me sending him the brown bear confetti at almost midnight on the 25th and that was it, we never texted each other again. Which was really sad ( I mean sad for me but and easy way out for him), because I never get to know what happened, why it happened, and I didn’t get to scream at his fucking face. I eventually did in a dream later in December, which leads to a fucking closure after a 3 long and depressing months. (I just want to say, Fuck you Prime)

3. Nothing else really happened that much but studying and love stuff. I was so fixated on the love stuff though 5555, but can you really blame me; it was my first time actually liking a guy not having a crush on him. (You know what just thinking about what happened my eyes are tearing up 555)

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OCT

1. October was a month of tear. Jessie was experiencing her first heart break; earlier this year back in July, Jessie just told Millie that she has never experienced heart break before in her entire life, but now she does. What a growth man. I did not enjoy the experience one bit, it was depressing, and just bad for me in many aspect. I tried to summoned stone cold bitch Jessie and killed of soft Jessie, which ultimately lead to me feeling numb and just plain sad. I lost inspiration, I just don’t enjoy the little shit like I used to; let’s just say I was not in a particularly good place. The only way to maintain my mental health was to run. And thanks to the free personal training that I got from Mr.Prime when we were talking, I started running more.

2. Midterm. Got full score for introduction to stochastic modelling bitches. I remember going to Sea life right after Stochastic exam and just try to get my shit together. I really thought that I had picked up the pieces together but I really hadn’t, it was only 2 and half weeks since it happened. I was rushing into healing too much and didn’t know that these things take time to heal. Screw you knw for telling me that it only took you a week to get over Tam, that was total bullshit, and I tried to used that as a fucking standard, which just killed me.

3. Skinny Bitch Jessie emerged. I lose my appetite because of the heart break so I ate a lot less. Actually I think I consumed a normal amount of what an average human being should consumed, I just ate way too much before 55555. And like with all the running, my weight got down to like 50, 51, which is the skinniest I’ve ever been since I got to uni. Maybe even the skinniest I’ve ever been since year 11 as well.

NOV

1. Shopee GLP application. I didn’t get the job but it was a great experience. I learned what a case interview, and thinks it very oppa. The process of preparing for it was fun, but I wasn’t totally into it because I was still dead inside. And still have no passion, no inspiration, no motivation, no goal, and everything because of what happened in the last 2 months. The only reason why I wanted to job was because I wanted the money 5555555.

2. Won DevDisrupt Hackathon 2020. Ter did most of the work though, but it was still a lot of fun, and something that I could add to my resume 5555.

DEC

1. HAPPY JESSIE IS BACK BITCHES!!!! I LOVE December Jessie; she’s STRIVING. Thank god I got my shit sorted out before the end of the year. She is once again enjoying life, feeling inspired, and motivated. And she’s doing all this while she is dressed to the nine every single fucking day!

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