#thanks for sending them!

[ultrainfinitepit]

🏵️🍃🥀 for the emoji ask list!

🏵️ [ROSETTE] What flower symbolizes your OC best and why? What does the flower mean in floriography?

Sam is fireweed. It’s a flower that grows in areas that have previously been burned by fire. It’s a symbol of rebirth and resilience, which suits Sam well. And the name is very fitting, Sam would be a weed if he was a flower: something that people disdain as useless or annoying but is still beautiful to the right person.

Lily is lily of the valley. She lives in Puddle which is in a valley, and her name is Lily. It’s a sweet flower that looks like something out of a fantasy novel. It’s a symbol of joy, sincerity, and luck, which suits Lily well. It’s one of my personal favorites!

Cale is dandelion. Like Cale, dandelions change shape. They are symbols of hope and perseverance. And dandelions are delightful flowers: they are edible, fun to play with, and bring joy to people. But yet they are humble as well, just like Cale.

Zeke is forget-me-not. It’s all in the name for this flower. Zeke has no memory of his past. Memory, remembrance, and forgetfulness are all important parts of his character. Forget-me-nots are delicate and sophisticated, which suits Zeke well. They are symbols of true love and respect, two things that form the basis of all the relationships Zeke treasures the most.

Mick is sycamore. It’s his last name so it seems fitting! He’s dependable and strong like a sycamore tree. They are symbols of divinity which aligns with Mick’s angelic nature. 

Vivian is red poppy. I’ve picked this flower for her more for the color than anything else. Red is Vivian’s color, and the black center of the poppy hints a little at her dark nature as a vampire. It’s also a flower to symbolize the threshold between life and death, and as a vampire and forensic pathologist, Vivian embodies that threshold as well. Relatedly, if Vivian was a fruit she’d be a pomegranate. 

Pat is white clover. This is perhaps a rather stereotypical choice for Pat, it’s the national flower of Ireland and he’s Irish. But I feel like it suits him too well to pick anything else. It’s another humble flower, it’s a symbol of luck, protection, and lightheartedness - all which Pat seems to either have, or have need of throughout his story. If Pat had a house with a lawn, he’d want a clover lawn for his kids to play on but also to provide food for bees.

🍃 [FALLEN LEAF] What’s the darkest period of time your OC has been through?

The hardest life for Sam was the life after his adoptive family were killed. We call this the Evil Sam life because he became completely rebellious and murderous and it ended in a very horrible way for him and his Keeper. He was in terrible grief over losing his family and it was further fueled by bad influences around him. Looking back, Sam hates this lifetime the most, he sees that version of himself as senseless and cruel. 

However, not far behind this life, is the life right after he was forced to forget his soulmate, Zipporah. We call this the Cult Leader Sam life, because Sam started a doomsday cult. That lifetime was one where Sam felt a deep-seated emptiness so terrible, it twisted his entire worldview into one where he felt the entire world should simply cease to exist, so he could cease too. That emptiness would carry over in part from this life to the next and so on, even into his Puddle life where at last it would be filled by Zipporah’s memory once more.

The only reason I say that life is not his darkest period is that, when Sam looks back on it, he feels it was the correct reaction to losing Zipporah. A world without Zipporah in it simply has no right to continue existing. We are very lucky Sam tried to do something about it back when he was in a lame human body, and we should hope he doesn’t try the same thing after he gets his full angelic form back!

Before Sam came to Puddle, Lily was relentlessly bullied and all her friends turned on her. She was ostracized for her weird behavior. While Lily felt she was much the same it was like suddenly everyone else was different. We could say this is because she was growing into her witch powers, but I think even if Lily wasn’t a witch this still would have happened. Lily felt she couldn’t talk to her parents about any of this, and had to handle it on her own. Some days all her secrets and troubles felt like too much. She considered running away without a word. But she loves her parents too much to do that. Luckily Sam, Cale, and Zeke come into her life and become her new friends, who love Lily and her weirdness.

When Cale is much older, his best friend Lily passes away of old age. They both had lots of time together and they were both prepared for this, but even still it hurts Cale a lot. At the same time, Cale’s friend Zeke is off somewhere in the world fighting his personal demons; and Sam is dead and gone (once again) so Cale can’t talk to him. Cale leans a little bit on his new Puddle friends and family for support, but there’s only so much they can say. The people who would understand Cale best in this difficult time, Zeke and Sam, aren’t around. So for a while, Cale stays in the woods in the form of a bear or sometimes a dog. He roams far and wide through the valley and even beyond it. He lives each day looking ahead only at the next one, thinking like a beast and not a man, until finally he’s ready to return to town.

Zeke’s life before he was Zeke was awful. He was named Cain then. Cain had a hard upbringing, and ended up on a dark path filled with loss and selfishness. His own hubris resulted in the death of his boyfriend Isaiah, and then later his own death.

But if we say Cain’s life is separate from Zeke’s, then Zeke’s darkest time is after his wife Delphinia is killed. This starts a chain of events that leads to Zeke’s imprisonment in a magical coffin, which is a tortuous time in his life; and then to the death of his son Samuel, in the same way Cain and Isaiah were killed as well. Zeke doesn’t even get a chance to breathe before a war starts and he’s tossed into that. He pretty much completely loses touch with his humanity, and embraces undeath fully as a way to numb himself to the pain and deal it out onto others instead. Zeke eventually comes back from this dark time, but the effects of it linger on him and he’s never quite the same person after.

Mick’s a pretty steady guy. He’s gone through dark times, arguably most of his human lives under control of the Order are dark times, but he’s a good little soldier about it and if he’s got any hard feelings about them he just files them away quietly.

I think there’s maybe two exceptions to this: in one lifetime, Mick had to execute Lucy, the nephilim child of the angels Ash and Orpheus. Lucy was Sam’s adoptive sister as well. While Lucy was evil and had to be stopped, she was still very young and much loved by all the angels, and it hurt Mick a great deal to have to be the one to stop her. 

In a subsequent life, Mick was the mentor of Adam, the nephilim child of Sami and Zach. One day Mick and Adam got into a fight with the corrupted angel Gabriel, resulting in Adam’s death by their hand. Mick has since blamed himself for Adam’s death, and Sami’s subsequent descent into madness and mourning. 

These deaths shook Mick to his core, and affect him even into the present.

Vivian had a rough childhood. In the beginning it was not so bad, she has vague happy memories of her father and mother. But after her mother was discovered to be a vampire, Vivian’s happy life was ripped away. Her mother ran away with her and then basically abandoned her to live in the care of a lodging house manager, who treated Vivian like a worker rather than a child. Vivian got so desperate that she jumped at the first chance at freedom, even if it would land her in a pirate crew of bloodthirsty vampires. So Vivian would probably consider this early part of her life her darkest time, and say everything following it was a breeze.

But it wasn’t all sunshine and roses from then on. After Vivian was turned into a vampire by Teutho, their relationship began to sour. She spent decades being miserable, yet there were enough good times stringed together where she convinced herself, it was not so bad and she was happy. Finally she realized she no longer loved Teutho, and left to go pursue her dreams of becoming a doctor - which would fail, but she was still happier failing at her dreams than not chasing them. If I had to pick I would say this was Vivian’s darkest period, even if she doesn’t see it that way. It was a time of emotional abuse and manipulation that left a deep impression on her.

When he was younger, Pat was rebellious and reckless, and developed a heavy reliance on alcohol. He fell in love with his wife Martha and they had two sons, and Pat began having a creeping feeling of deja vu. He was determined not to be like his father. He made an effort to always greet his boys with smiles and laughter, but it started being too much with his work and the alcohol and the bills piling up. One day Pat blacked out, he lost an entire day and when he woke up, he was in the hospital and told he had gone drinking, and various things happened, and he had been dead for a full minute. Pat did not want his sons to see him like this, but Martha brought them anyway. The looks on their faces was the wake up call he needed, and Pat sought out a therapist through his church, and went away to rehab. That day in the hospital was the worst day of Pat’s life, and he was determined never to repeat it. Since then, he tries very hard not to drink, and he’s learned to talk about his problems instead of bottle them up.

🥀 [WILTED ROSE] How good is your OC at meeting deadlines? What motivates them?

Sam waits until the last minute to start anything, he needs that deadline panic to really motivate him. If it’s something important he will do it to an excellent standard, it will appear as if he has been diligently working on it up to the deadline. If it’s something unimportant, which is totally up to Sam’s judgment, he will leave it unfinished or give up and then somehow blame the person who gave him the task in the first place.

Lily has the potential to be just as bad as Sam, but deadline panic makes her flustered and she is prone to making mistakes when flustered. Lily learns she does her best work when she makes a plan at the start and follows each step carefully. She motivates herself by tracking her progress using a log book, ribbons, and other cute things so the task turns into something fun rather than work. She will usually cajole one of her friends into giving her a reward, or treat herself to something nice, as a further motivation to finish things on time. 

Cale was raised to be hard working and obedient, so if he really commits to something he will always get it done on time. The way he does this varies wildly on the day and the task. Sometimes Cale does things bit by bit over time, other times he’ll rush everything at the end much like Sam. However, Cale is only motivated to do things if he sees the real, practical value in the task. If it’s something too vague or frivolous, he will simply ignore it, which can be a problem sometimes. His friends and family often rely on Cale’s desire to please them to motivate him. It becomes a game of asking Cale to do something in just the right way, with clear enough instructions for him to see the end goal.

Ezekiel always meets his deadlines. He lays out a plan for every step of his task and then follows through on it flawlessly. If he has to, he will sacrifice sleep, socializing, and food to meet his deadline. Zeke prides himself on being perfect and dependable, this is all the motivation he needs. If he’s competing with someone, that’s even better motivation because Zeke loves to prove his superiority to others. He’s the type to get extra motivated if there’s some kind of ranking system or medal at the end. 

Mick is very disciplined and always meets his deadlines. He might not write down a plan but he will certainly have one in his head that he’s following. He’s very stubborn about his plans, and it’s hard for him to adjust to surprises. He will stay on his plan and follow it until the task is complete, with some time right before the deadline for any last minute changes. He’s only learned to add that time recently after many lifetimes of dealing with unpredictable people. Other people are the bane of Mick’s existence when he’s working on something, he always finds himself in the project leader role and no one ever meets his standards. Mick is motivated by his innate willpower, but also, secretly, his desire to impress people.

Vivian can also be very disciplined like Mick, but she writes her plans down. She has journals that she uses to make plans very neatly, she enjoys stealing pens in different colors that she uses to make these plans. She’ll collect notes and do research as much as possible so she has everything she needs to execute her plan on time. But she doesn’t always meet her deadlines. Vivian’s flaw is that she needs to have a certain amount of work on her plate or she’ll lose all her motivation. Too little and she won’t feel sufficient pressure to follow through on all her careful plans. Too much and she gets overwhelmed, her plans go out the window and suddenly she’s not getting anything done. This is why Vivian often has little background projects going on, such as writing a paper or trying to piece together a cold case; she needs this extra bit of work in her schedule to motivate her to do everything else.

Pat is average. He usually meets his deadlines, if he doesn’t he has a good excuse such as family. Pat will work overtime if he has to, to stick to his commitments. He’s not as rigid as Mick in his approach to work, nor does he require the same workload balancing act as Vivian to stay motivated. Pat is simply the type to do his work on time to the best of his ability. He considers himself a man of his word, and if he promises something he’ll try his hardest to fulfill it.

[randomfandom815]

to everyone who sent me asks: I promise I’ll answer them eventually but I honestly don’t think I have time today

[cheetee]

25-28? If that’s not too many. :D

25. What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story?

One of my characters, in my original writing? Far more than I could possibly tell you. About Encanto characters? Not a great many that I haven't put into text posts, but once upon a time it was going to be plot relevant that Bruno was terrible at school and couldn't speak English, like, even a lick despite studying it for years.

26. How do you get into your character’s head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place?

I have a very clinical approach to writing. To me, the character POV is a technique, not an emotional state; I am only ever attempting to re-create what words and thoughts might occur to that person, but I will never know the full extent of what goes on in their mind, and my guesses at what they might think and feel are just that.

27. Who is the most stressful character you’ve ever written? Why?

UUUGHHHHHHHHHH IT'S LORENZO ZACARIAS RAMOS.

Because HERE'S THE FUCKING THING ABOUT LORENZO, RIGHT? He's a silly saturday morning bully boy. He's MEAN, he's CREEPY, he has NO REDEEMING TRAITS, we will NOT be humanizing him, there will be NO NUANCE. We are setting out here with the explicit goal of writing a SHITTY LITTLE BOY, and that SHITTY LITTLE BOY needs to be IN LOVE WITH MIRABEL, so we've got to make those two work together.

Now, EncantoTV is explicitly meant to have a Saturday morning feeling, so on principle I'm not going to write anything that would be inappropriately creepy for a child to see, nor do I want to write anything that might be evocative for anyone who's experienced sexual harassment nor violence from a predatory man.

Do you know what I am? ONE OF GOD'S NATURAL HORROR WRITERS.

Like that entire scene with the confrontation with Mirabel? Just a long fucking stretch of me, panting and sweating when my natural instinct was to HAVE LORENZO PRESS MIRABEL AGAINST A WALL, INTIMATELY DESCRIBE HIS BREATH AND ALSO HAVE HIM KILL SOME RATS LIKE THE GODDAMN DAIRY FARMER HE FUCKING IS. Brutal.

28. Who is the most delightful character you’ve ever written? Why?

My dear Watson, I don't write any characters that I don't find delightful! If I don't find characters fun I don't write them. If I find any characters more fun to write than others, then... I don't write the other characters! I chase my bliss!

But to give you an answer, the character that got me into writing real adventure stories, and taught me how to actually finish telling them... was a D&D character of my partner's.

Because I had a crush on my partner's D&D character. So hard. That I started writing fanfiction about him. Except it wasn't fanfiction because he was a D&D character who existed within an entirely homebrewed setting. I had discovered......... fiction.

His name is Laurens Fallow and he's like if Postman Pat had a sword.

[ressyfaerie]

For the writer meme ask

🤡👿🎢✨🥕🎶💝💔

WOW SO MANYYY YAAYY!!

🤡 What's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?

-If you know my writing you know there's SO MANY LMAO. My current favourite is the scene in tattoos when Kai is moving out of his apartment and Tyson’s helping him. And Tyson tells him the cactus his ex girlfriend gave him is fake. And Kai just THROWS IT OUT THE WINDOW.

When I first made up that scene I told my partner and he laughed so hard. Now I make jokes in my car about throwing stuff out the window all the time. Lmao. 😅

😈 Has there been a point in a story where you did something just to be playfully mean to your readers?

-hmmm nothing comes immediately to mind… but I guess I brutally kill off Ryu all the time? OH WAIT WAIT WAIT!!! it's the Easter egg in tattoos that NO BODY CAUGHT. 😡 it's hard to catch unless you're binge reading the chapters I think. But it's the reason why Hiro fired Tyson etc. I didn't have enough time in the plot to fit it into an arc. But I thought it was obvious, yet no one caught on 😅 so I guess I'll take it to my grave? LMAO 

🎢 Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

-hmmm this one's tough!! I have a lot that I would say are pretty intense! The end of tattoos is definitely a wild ride! But my dark AU is also super edgy and dark! I'd say wildest ride ;) would have to be the talaxjulia smut ficlet and the blindfold tyka ficlet. In terms of intense story id say its a hard tie between Tattoos/ Dark AU/ and the BEGA arc where Tyson joins Bega. 

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

-aw! I'd say my plot and story lines are always well thought out and passionate! Since I'm so passionate and inspired, it comes across really well and vibes with other readers! 

🍆 Do you write the spicy stuffs? If so, what's your most popular nsfw fic?

(Carrot? Eggplant was the closest I could find? LOL)

-no I don't do that that's a sin… hehe. And I'm not sure? Technically Tattoos is my most popular fic and it has sexy scenes in it (lots!) But for tiny ficlet… let me check…

So turns out it's the tyka vampire AU for multiple chapter ficlet…

And a near tie between tyka Hookup Addiction:

And tyka First Time: 

🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

-ooohhh so I always listen to music when I write, but I can't listen to music with lyrics because it's too distracting and messes with my word choices! I usually turn on a Playlist that matches the scene I'm writing! So if it's a magical scene I'll do an adventure Playlist, a happy scene, a chillstep Playlist, a battle scene I'll do an epic orchestral Playlist… you get it! But I tend to get inspiration from songs when I listen to them when I'm not writing! I make up scenes in my head! And that's how a lot of scenes I make are made! So… an example… would be…

https://youtu.be/sJJ4OoFooak

I listened to this A LOT when I was brainstorming for the end scene of tattoos! Because… it just makes sense… lol

And just what im listening to lately? Let me check my YouTube lol. I listen to all kinds of stuff all the time cause I'm ALWAYS DRIVING uuuughhh. 

Oh yes right! I'm on a big Voltaire binge right now and I keep listening to when you're dead! 😅

https://youtu.be/4PxPx-sxXlc

💖 What made you start writing?

-I have always done little bits of writing. Only because I make such intricate plots in my head and they need to come to life somehow! Art and comics are fun, but to TRULY express my storytelling, I need words. Very specific words. So over many years I've practiced the craft so that I can tell my stories *just right*. The truth is, I always say I'm not a very strong writer, I'm a strong storyteller. 

💔 Is there a fic of yours that broke your heart?

-aw this is a tough one! I'd have to say the Dark AU. I mean I put Kai through hell and back in that fic LOL. But on a personal note, I never planned to upload it! I wrote it during a really tough time in my life. At around the same time I was writing 'It's a bit of a long story' I came up with the alternate story of 'Dark AU' (I couldn't think of a better name LOL). I created 'it's a bit of a long story' after I drew a comic and realized I needed to get this story on paper. I never planned to upload it. But after I had a few friends read it they told me I HAD to. So I made an archive account. I still wasn't active in Fandom at that point. After I did that, I started to spiral. And although I created 'long story' as a distraction, I then created Dark AU as a therapeutic way of venting. So re reading it I find the plot SUPERB. But when I look into it more deeply, I realize just how much I've knitted in characters and scenes to suit myself. Which was never intentional. I actually had a session with an old therapist where we psychoanalyzed some parts of it 🤣 it was really interesting and eye opening for sure! 

[honorhearted]

How would you feel if the redcoats did/do win the war? // for the how you would feel meme

Ask my character "How do you feel about ______?" Can be an idea, person(s), place, or thing, and they'll have to answer honestly. / @the-1890s-runaway

To say that Ben was perplexed was an understatement. How could this stranger think he would feel anything but devastated? Like a failure, unworthy of returning home?

“Everything will have been in vain,” he replied, his voice firm despite the slight tremor in his hands. “Hale’s sacrifice, my brother’s death, every civilian cut down in the name of supporting the enemy -- all of it will have been for nothing. So if how I’d feel isn’t obvious to you, then I don’t know what more I can say.”

Incensed. Guilted. Overcome. Quite frankly, Ben couldn’t fully wrap his head around what he would feel, because the wound would be far too deep to describe.

[milk-lover]

Sobbing uncontrollably reading through a dissertation about the college experience of students with ADHD. It is like reading a report about my life that just says over and over "My experiences are real. My hardships are real. I am not lazy, I am not dumb. My struggles were not my fault, and they were not a moral failing. The failure was with the system, not with me."

Here's a line that got me in particular:

"Hotez et al.(2022) compared the health, academic, and non-academic capacities of a nationally representative sample of U.S. first-year college students with ADHD and without ADHD. Students with ADHD self-reported lower academic aspirations and more feelings of depression and overwhelm, ranking themselves lower in their general emotional health. The fact that students with ADHD scored in the highest 10th percentile for many non-academic traits, such as artistic ability, computer skills, creativity, public speaking, social confidence, self-understanding and understanding of others, compassion, and risk-tasking, suggests that this population has strengths that are frequently underappreciated in academia."

(the paper is a thesis called "Understanding the Collegiate Experience for Students With ADHD" by Gia Long, 2022)

[trustyalt]

he can't do it when you're watching!!

[strangersteddierthings]

Beg You to Love Me

"I'm surprised you even remembered, Harrington," Eddie shrugs, hoping he comes off as aloof as he wants to, instead of shaky and unsure like he feels. He was sitting atop the picnic table, arms behind him trying to look as unaffected by Steve's presence as he can, but he's been thrown for a loop ever since Steve emerged from the woods instead of Robin Buckley, like he was expecting.

"Of course, I remember. I- I've never forgotten," Steve whispers, head down and fists clenched at his sides. He looks more like a child being wrongfully scolded than a man defending himself.

The words pull a scoff from Eddie, though. Never forgotten? What the fuck ever. "Right. Something to hold over me, then, if I'd stepped too far out of line? Mutually assured destruction?"

Steve's head snaps up and he looks horrified, which Eddie will admit to almost believing. Steve doesn't seem like the type to join the drama club but his acting's pretty fucking good. "What? No! I would have never- I would never have said anything about us to anyone."

"Right. Sure. Of course. Your own reputation to think about there."

Something like hurt flashes across Steve's face before it frosts over. This is the face he's used to see on Steve. Cold and distant. "I- whatever, man. I don't even know why I thought..." but Steve doesn't finish his sentence. He just shakes his head and turns his back on Eddie, heading back the way he came.

He doesn't know why that sparks a rage from deep within him. "Yeah, that's right. Tuck tail and runaway again!"

"I ran away?" Steve shouts back, turning sharply on his heel to glare at Eddie. "You think that I ran away?"

Eddie just spreads his hands to the empty clearing as if to say 'look at all this room around me you've never occupied'. "You weren't here, were you?"

"Because you told me to not be!" Steve stomps back to Eddie but stops a couple yards away.

"Like fuck I did," Eddie argues back, because he didn't tell Steve to go away. He'd told him-

"'If this isn't good enough for you, there's the fucking door.' That's what you told me," Steve quotes, "I thought it was pretty fucking clear what you wanted."

"Yeah, I fucking thought it was clear what I wanted," Eddie snarls, lunging from the picnic table, closing those last few feet to get into Steve's face. "Yet here we are!"

"Don't act like this is my fucking fault. Like you weren't the one who forced it to be my fault. My decision-"

"Yeah, it had to be your damn decision! You were dragging it out-"

"-because you were too much of a coward to do it your-fucking-self-"

"-acting like you were. Acting too good to actually slum it with the trailer trash-"

"-so of course I made the choice that was best for me. Because I deserved more-"

"-like what I had to offer you would never be good enough for the goddman King-"

"-than just being your hookup when I wanted to be-"

"-like I wasn't good enough to be your friend, much less-"

"-your fucking boyfriend!"

"-your fucking boyfriend!"

The contrast of this sudden silence that falls following their screaming match that ends with identical sentiments is jarring. Eddie feels wrong-footed and lost. Confusion and hurt mixing in him that he can see reflected on Steve's face.

"What?" Steve is the first to break the silence, drawing into himself. Arms crossing to hold himself at the elbows as he takes several steps back, as if to be able to see all of Eddie will clear the confusion he's feeling.

Eddie just stares back, slack jawed for a moment. That's. What. No, wait. Really, what? "What what?"

"You- you said 'if this isn't good enough for you, there's the fucking door'. How was I- I thought you- you were breaking up with me!" Steve cries, "you. You said that to make me pick, because you knew I wanted more and you didn't. That's- you were breaking up with me!"

Eddie's in just as much disbelief. "No, you broke up with me! I said if this isn't good enough but, like, I meant if I wasn't good enough. And you left! You walked out because I wasn't good enough to be with you!"

Steve looks stricken and he claws harder at himself, sort of folds into himself like he's going to be sick. "No. No no no, that's- then that means I- it's all been my fault. No no no no."

Eddie stares wide-eyed and frozen as Steve talks to himself. Eddie kind of feels nauseous. There's no way that this is possible. That these last two and a half years of heartbreak have been because of miscommunication. That they both thought the other was breaking up with them and neither actually wanted to.

"Why didn't you- Why didn't you say something?" Eddie asks.

Steve laughs at that, sounding a bit hysteric. "Me!? Why didn't you! I wasn't- I wasn't going to beg you to love me like I had with my parents. You were the one who told me I shouldn't have to do that!"

Yeah. He had. When Steve had broken down and cried on his bed, in his arms, wondering what it was he had done to lose his parents' love. Eddie told him it wasn't his fault, never would be, and that he would never need to beg for love from someone who does love him. It was the same advice Wayne had given him when he'd taken Eddie in.

"I already thought you were wanting to break up. You were being so distant, I thought..."

Steve sucks in a deep breath and nods, "Yeah. Yeah I was. I was scared of scaring you away. Of being too much. Because I- what I felt for you was a lot. I was afraid I'd chase you away if I continued to be so clingy. I pulled back, to reign it in but. Fuck. Fuck!"

Eddie drops to a squat. His legs feel like jelly and he can't keep standing. He squats and looks down so his hair becomes a curtain separating him from the reality of the situation, if only for a moment. Fuck is right.

He's spent his junior and first senior year being pissed at Steve. Hurt by him and what he thought happened. And it's- if Steve's being honest, it's all been for nothing. If they both wanted a deeper relationship, they could have had it. They might still be boyfriends if Eddie hadn't been so wrapped up in his Munson Doctrine. He'd been convincing himself Steve was embarrassed of him, and was working on breaking off their- whatever they were. But he hadn't been.

He's thought such terrible things about Steve over the years. God, what has Steve thought of him over the years? No. He doesn't want to know, actually. That's not what he cares about right now.

He lifts his head to see that Steve's plopped himself onto the ground, sitting cross legged, elbows on his knees and head in his hands.

"Steve. Steve!" He calls Steve's name out until he looks up, looks at him, "why'd you come out here?"

He laughs again, slightly less hysterically, and he's shaking his head like he can't believe what he's about to say. "I. Fuck, I was coming out here to beg you to love me."

"No you fucking weren't!" his tone is filled with disbelief.

"I was," Steve repeats, sounding amused and heartbroken at the same time. "I really, really was. Graduation's coming and I know you want to get out of Hawkins the second that happens and I'm. I was running out of time trying to get you to notice me again, so I was going to beg."

Notice him again? As if Steve doesn't haunt his every waking thought. As if he doesn't dream of Steve every night while his eyes seek him across the halls and in their few shared classes like he's the goddamn night sky and Eddie is a sailor lost at sea needing the north star to guide him home. Eddie's never not noticed him, and he thinks he has to come out here and beg? "When someone loves you, you don't have to beg."

"Yeah, I know," Steve sighs, defeated, which lets Eddie know that Steve does not, in fact, know. He looks away from Eddie, down to his lap.

Fuck, it's like every fantasy Eddie's had of them making up and then making out has been handed to him on a silver platter and he's blowing it. His words are too vague, too easily misinterpreted. Again. He falls forward on to his knees, hands catching him so he's on all fours like an animal. "Steve. I mean it. You don't have to beg."

"I get it, Eddie," Steve huffs, not looking at him. Not actually understanding.

Eddie starts to crawl the distance between them. Steve looks up then, probably to see what the fuck Eddie was doing with the shuffling sounds and the chain on his belt clacking. Eddie watches Steve's eyes go wide, mouth dropping open to a small 'o'. "See, the thing is, Steve," Eddie says, pulling himself up to be just on his knees to shuffle the last few inches closer. Steve leans back to keep his eyes on Eddie's face, which opens his lap up. "You said you know, but I don't think you do." Eddie brings his hands to rest on Steve's shoulders and Steve lets him. "You don't have to beg." He uses his hold on Steve's shoulders to balance himself as he swings a leg wide, to straddle Steve, then shifts his weight to repeat the process with his other leg before settling himself into Steve's lap. Steve's hands land on his hips and Eddie isn't sure if it's intentional or a reaction to Eddie plopping himself in his laps but he's going to believe it's the first one. "You've never had to beg with me."

Steve sucks in a sharp breath and then he collapses into Eddie. Steve's hands on his hips slide up and pull him into a hug, as close to Steve's body as he can get, while Steve shoves his head under Eddie's chin, into the junction of his neck and shoulder and breaths him in like it's the last breath Steve will ever take. "We're so stupid."

"Yeah," Eddie agrees, as he lifts one hand to hold the back of Steve's head while the other drops to rub soothingly at his back. "Yeah, we are."

They sit in the dirt, the closest they've been since that summer between '81 and '82. They should probably talk about. They're going to have to, if they want this to work. Full sentences with no hidden meanings, even though the thought of that kind of vulnerability makes Eddie skittish. It's going to be difficult, but it'll be worth it. Steve has always been worth it.

Eddie wants to say 'I love you', just to get it out, in the open, and not just implied, but there's a different first step to take. One that's actually a little easier. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Me too," Steve whispers, "I'm sorry. I should have-"

"Shut up," Eddie cuts him off, voice quiet and soft as he can be. "This is, and I cannot stress it enough, a we situation."

The huff of laughter on his skin from Steve feels like the start of something. A new beginning, a start over. A re-do.

A goddamn miracle.

Later, they'll drag themselves apart and up. Make it to the back of Eddie's van in the school parking lot to talk. Going to either's house feel too much, too soon. Their big fight happened at Eddie's home, and Steve's house isn't warm enough for the kind of comfort they want to share.

They'll have a talk. Filled with long pauses, stumbling over words and fears and insecurities because this is the hard part of a relationship. Getting it all out in the open so they can learn if they'll even work. The fear that they aren't going to be compatible anymore looms but doesn't deter. They both want a second chance, to give it a real shot, by the end of that first talk. But taking it slow.

They'll discuss what went wrong the first time (diving in without talking about anything certainly played a big part) and how to avoid that.

But that's later. Right now, Eddie just holds Steve, and Steve holds him back, and it certainly feels like the beginning of something good.

-

@i-less-than-three-you @nburkhardt @afewproblems

[inkskinned]

i know people are good because of this: the universe often assigns me side quests. in a circular strangeness; despite my inability to locate my-own-anything, i am almost-always finding someone else's lost things. dogs, coats, phones, cash, laptops. it happens so often it's almost tiring; suddenly being looped into a tiny amount of detective work.

but when i'm with other people who are not used to this: the response is almost invariably delight. yes, maybe they are simply thrilled by the mystery. it's just... they light up so much. i think maybe more... i think they like the opportunity to do something kind.

a few weeks ago, i was at a bar and i found a wallet as soon as we stepped outside. i felt nervous to ask for help, worried i would be holding up the night. i picked it up and said go on without me, i should help this get back to its home.

instead, three people pulled out their phones - to find him on facebook, to help cancel his credit cards. two people went back into the bar to tell the bartender, two others went calling down the street. group texts, facebook posts, instagram stories. people, without even seeing what happened, start offering help to me. fifteen minutes and: someone knows someone who knows the guy. the cheer that went up - just for finding him, just for this small thing. someone gets him on the phone. strangers dance around me, hopping on their feet - are you the girl that found that wallet? good for you, that's a good thing you're doing/same thing happened to me and somebody did what you're doing and i thank god everyday for people like you/i can't believe you found him so fast this is so exciting

i gave it back to him in a parking lot. i watched his shoulders sag with relief. there was cash in it still - he checked the pocket, and then sheepishly held the money out to me. i didn't take it. i held up my hands. "it's no problem, man. i know you'd do the same for me."

i don't know him, to be honest. i don't know if he is the same kind of person i am. but he nodded at me.

and i know people are good. i know people are good, because the way this story ends isn't surprising. we wave goodbye awkwardly. my friend loops their arm around me.

"i can't believe we got it back to him," they said. "i'm going to be riding that high for weeks."

[harboretum]

It's only polite

[thesecretsofchickens]

Not that I make a ton of sales there, but it looks like I'll be eliminating my Redbubble account. Or rather, *because* I don't make a ton of sales.

They are introducing a new fee structure - aside from the manufacturing costs - that basically penalizes the people who make the *least*.

It caters very much to high-volume, high-sales accounts. Or it can just change when they feel like it, at any time.

Which is great, for people who make a lot. Not so great for people who are just starting out, or are struggling to get their name out there.

*They* decide if you're doing well enough to go up a level.

Anyway seems like it's not going to be worth it for anyone who doesn't have the time/resources/reach to impress them, and the whole "community guidelines" thing seems sketchy.

I get their point - they want people to make more money. But the amount the get for "manufacturing" the products is not insignificant. Adding a fee on top is just rude.

Account Tiers and Fees

How Accounts are Reviewed and Classified

Understanding how the new account fee may apply to you

[totally-italy]

Wherefore dost motivation hold deep hatred for me?

As the heading probably implies, I am currently lacking a lot of motivation, which is truly sub-optimal because I literally have my Italian GCSEs this week and I literally have not revised. Moreover, my End of Years are fast approaching and I have my French GCSEs in three week's time. Help.

Consequentially, even though my history teacher still refuses to believe that it is a word, I have decided to turn this into one of those posts where my dopamine literally just relies on the number of notes that I recieve. As promised, @the-red-planet-mars, the floor is yours you have been tagged.

Rules:

Please don't spam the comment section.

You can tag a maximum of 5 people.

Please don't spam reblog.

10 notes: I will actually plan my English homework so that I can then do it without having to ask for an extension. It is due on the day on which I have two of my Italian papers.

15 notes: I will update my 'Aeneid' notes so that my virtual document is up to date with the translations that we have done in class. I should technically also revise the themes and how Juno is portrayed, but we don't talk about that right now.

20 notes: If I haven't done this yet, I will create both a Spanish Quizlet with all the vocabulary I need to learn and I will create a Latin one for all the vocabulary from 'The Aeneid' that I need to know.

25 notes: I will plan, in English, different things that I could say for the picture for my French IGCSE oral. Also, this is a picture I will be using for my Spanish End of Years, so that is doubly helpful.

30 notes: I will do an Italian listening paper though I will listen to it at a faster speed than what is asked because otherwise I will literally get so bored and lose all will to live.

45 notes: I will finish researching Virgil and the historical context.

60 notes: I will practice Latin and Greek vocabulary on Quizlet every day after this week, for at least 10 minutes each day for each language.

75 notes: I really need to do this. I will make a poster with how to form different tenses in Italian.

100 notes: I will do an Italian Writing practice paper. This is going to cause me so much suffering. Help me.

120 notes: I will actually write down different expressions, including idomatic phrases, that I could use to describe the picture for my French IGCSE oral.

130 notes: I will make physics notes on energy.

140 notes: I will make notes on quantitative chemistry.

150 notes: I will make a poster with how to form different tenses in French.

155 notes: I will watch the AQA videos on the Cold War and make notes on them.

170 notes: I will do a practice Spanish listening paper.

200 notes: I will practice Latin and Greek vocabulary on Quizlet every day after this week, for at least 30 minutes each day for each language, including a written vocabulary test.

230 notes: I will do a practice Spanish reading and writing paper.

250 notes: I will do a practice Latin translation and ask my teacher if she happens to have a mark scheme.

270 notes: I will do a practice Greek translation and ask my teacher if she happens to have a mark scheme.

300 notes: I will finish my RSP notes on Crime and Punishment.

350 notes: I finish my Biology notes on reproduction.

380 notes: I will finish my RSP notes on Religion and Life.

430 notes: I will look through my history notes on Germany and finish them in accordance to the AQA book.

520 notes: I will do a practice Greek language paper.

530 notes: I will do a practice Latin language paper.

605 notes: I will actually write down different expressions, including idomatic phrases, that I could use to describe the picture for my Spanish End of Year oral.

720 notes: I will finish my RSP notes on Buddhism.

850 notes: I will make full notes on the Cold War.

Honestly, if you have even bothered to read through all of these, you have absolutely earned more respect that I thought I was capable of giving to a single human being. I technically have a lot more things I should do, including re-reading Things Fall Apart and actually making complete maths notes, as well as notes for the sciences, but I doubt I will never get this many tags anyway.

Edit: It has been five minutes and I already got 14 notes. I am actually terrified of this site. What in Tartarus? Y'all are crazy and I love you so much.

[blorbocedes]

lewis hamilton scooters past nico rosberg at shanghai grand prix 2024

credits: (x) from weibo and @yuzuchupachups

[biblically-accurate-dca]

day 16: object head !

[the-strawberryfarmer]

no thoughts…….just them…..just them…

[twinklefists]

done w/ drafts, going to finish wanda’s and then i will be back here to queue up the memes i owe.