#that I couldn't think of how to word but this sums up at least part of it

[sysciety]

🌺 - if you could help the pro endo community understand one thing, what would it be?

🎨 - if you could help the anti endo community understand one thing, what would it be?

This got long and tbh I don't have major qualms with the majority of the people on either side. So these are pretty opinion/observation based.

🌺 - Being on tumblr vs other sites has made me realize pro/anti endo don't mean *that* much. But I'll give my reasons towards why I think there's skepticism towards the pro-endo community

1) a couple of misinformation power players (big hitters? idk) are pro-endo which paints other pro-endos in a bad light

2) I think for a lot of anti-endos the idea that someone can basically get like, the 'fun' parts of their disorder just puts a bad taste in their mouth and that's not an easy gap to bridge and I'm not sure if it needs to be. That and I've never seen an explanation/research towards how endogenic systems exist (there's no endo version of tosd) and I think the reception of them wouldn't be so polarizing if there was

🎨 - (Anti endo is a broad term so for this I'm referring to it as not believing in endogenic systems)

(This is also more of a twitter/tiktok take (sorry) because most anti-endos here tend to be more anti-disinfo or more open to discussion in general)

I haven't seen an anti endo be able to answer the question of "if I have a system but I don't have trauma then what am I" without saying hidden/repressed trauma

In terms of CDDs yeah it's trauma based stuff it's gonna be a little ugly to talk about sometimes. But if there isn't any alternative answer people are going to go towards the side that'll accept them regardless (normally pro-endo). And maybe there isn't a good answer out there but when someone questioning is hit with a figurative brick wall they're not gonna be receptive to your side

(Before you ask the only answers I've ever seen given to this are hidden trauma, psychosis, and factitious disorder and in terms of the latter two that's basically telling the person they're making it up. Which who knows it might be one of those in the end. But I've only ever seen that said as a cold hard fact with no argument/debate room and I don't think that helps long run (especially if they aren't) (and even if it's the first most people won't take kindly to a stranger stating they have trauma actually they just don't know it yet)

It's shutting people down/shutting them out immediately which just pushes them out of the conversation which I don't think is good

[pennyserenade]

i have thought in great detail about coriolanus and sejanus, and whether or not coriolanus ever really liked sejanus. i think that the novel/movie are purposefully constructed to make this ambiguous, but i prefer to veer on the side of "yes, he did."

coriolanus' way of loving people was...lacking, to say the least. even with tigris, he thought awful, mean things about her, but it was evident he cared very much for her. the problem with coriolanus was not that he couldn't love -- it was that he could not love without first being assured that his investment would yield positive results for him. at least, he could not readily admit to himself that he was loving until he knew it was going to work out for him.

his character is very succinctly summed up by sejanus, when he tells him, "I remember that from school, watching you watch other people. Pretending you weren't. And choosing the moments you weighed in so carefully" (397). without fully knowing the totality of it, sejanus got it all too right: coriolanus took people in, measured them out, decided what they meant to him, and weighed in when he thought it'd benefit him. coriolanus was calculated in all things, most of all in love—a thing he knew made you vulnerable.

but that's not to say what coriolanus said to himself was the exact same thing as what he felt. if it was, i do not believe he would've done half the things he had done for sejanus--even given the prospect of reward in the end. this is part of what makes coriolanus descent into evil so heartbreaking: a part of him was good. he did want for connection and comfort, even if he had a real fucked up way of going about getting it. coriolanus was a dog that bit without fully knowing why; it was a protective instinct he used, because so much of his life had been filled with loss already.

in the book, after coriolanus snuck his father's handkerchief with lucy gray's scent into the tank of snakes, he went to sejanus' house. this is an incredible detail that so many people tend to overlook when they talk about coriolanus and sejanus' friendship. the beginning of the chapter reads:

"What had he done? What on earth had he done? His heart raced as he blindly turned down one street and then another, trying to make sense of his actions. He couldn't think clearly but had the dreadful feeling he'd crossed some line that could not be uncrossed" (287).

we start this chapter with a frenzied, rattled coriolanus, one terribly afraid of what he had just done and the consequences this action might have later. he was scared and isolated, and he didn't know what to do. a little further on, collins writes: "His feet had carried him far from home, but he realized the Plinth apartment was just a few minutes away. Why not pop in?" (288).i find this construction of words to be fascinating, especially in relation to coriolanus--a character we have come to known as calculated and precise, even in moments when he has to think on his feet. one could argue that during this part of the book, and in this state, it makes sense that coriolanus might wander that far from his home absent-mindedly. it shows how out of touch with himself he had become, and just how much the act he had just committed disorientated him. but i think it was more than that. i think coriolanus wanted to go to the plinth's house, that he was seeking comfort after he had done something incredibly dangerous (something, arguably, that sejanus might have done), and he could not admit it to himself. and his original intention had been to see sejanus, but sejanus was asleep.

the fact that collins wrote "his feet had carried him" and "he realized" is so brilliant. i’ve got lots of opinions about why she chose to write the book in a third person point of view. one of the reasons i think she did it has to do with the fact that coriolanus was distancing himself from himself--shedding culpability through phrases such as these, especially in moments like this. coriolanus did love sejanus, but he simply could not admit it to himself because sejanus was not a safe or wise investment to make. coriolanus refused to give credence to his need for him, and it ended up killing the boy in the long run.

[kiwisa]

brew-tiful ✩ dr03

Daniel Ricciardo x Fem! Barista! Reader

fluff • 500 words

IN WHICH... daniel should look at what he's ordering instead of making eyes at the pretty barista.

Anyone who happened to cross paths with Daniel every morning at 8:38 sharp, in that little cafe whose name never interested him, thought his caffeine addiction was beyond reason.

Mistakenly, but he could see where they were coming from.

If the black liquid was, indeed, an integral part of his life now, it was only because of the woman behind the counter, who he sacrificed a few dollars to every day. And God knew how much those little coins spent on this drink amounted to a fortune.

Even though money had never been an issue, let alone now ⏤ thanks to Red Bull and his new contract ⏤ he couldn't help but grit his teeth at the receipts piling up in his wallet. He couldn’t even bring himself to think of the sum spent between these four walls. Otherwise, a few tears would paint his face blue. For sure.

He didn't even like coffee... For that demonic liquid — seriously, who could drink this and enjoy it? — to slide on his tongue without making a grimace appear on his face, its bitter taste had to be drowned in milk and at least three sugars.

So why bother? You must wonder, dear reader.

“Ah Danny! I was starting to believe you weren't coming today!”

It was for that voice, full of joy, tenderness, and that laughter whose notes must have been put end to end by angels. It was for you, Y/N L/N, that the Australian man came here daily, even when his wallet was crying in pain, even when coffee was the bane of his entire existence.

“And not see my favourite barista? Impossible.”

There was something about you that made his heart panic, warmed his soul, and made him want to throw up sometimes because of your kindness. A rather interesting mix: some would call it “feelings.” You were the personification of happiness, a ray of sunshine in his life constantly marred by the routine of travel and racing.

Cheeks flushed, mind wandering to fantasies of his hand in yours, his lips against your forehead, he didn't notice the almost loving gaze you placed on him, nor did he feel your fingers brushing against his as you gave him the cup. An espresso. Hell in liquid form.

Not in your eyes, however, who constantly praised it. You had suggested it to him on his first visit ⏤ saying that it was your favourite way to drink coffee ⏤ and since then he had not yet broken this unspoken rule to order one daily.

Thanking you, avoiding your gaze, Daniel hastily left the cafe, like every morning at 8:46.

Like every morning at 8:47, he tried to take a sip of this infamous brew.

Like every morning at 8:51, he dropped the still hot drink in the bottom of the closest trash can.

Like every morning at 8:51, he didn’t notice the number written in a messy way, as if in a hurry, on the cardboard cup.

Better luck tomorrow, you thought.

✩ taglist !

@sad1esgf @muglermami @i0veless @16solace @kenanlotus0 @till1am @itsnotgray @lilsiz @starkwlkr @missflobelova @mehrmonga @fxllfaiiry @crimeshowjunkie @anicega @kosmosgalore @lovemarvel16 @charles-dimple @hiding-behindmy-glasses @exatse @serenityleah @flowerchild-96 @hopiiex @ivegotparticulartaste @jivas0 @screechingtrashkid @gxp30 @lauren--maex

[dilflover-4ever]

"Do you want to kiss as badly as I do right now?" b.k.

Summary: When a late night with bill sparks tension and reveals feelings

-"y/n" not used

-based with 2006-07 Bill but you can imagine whatever😙

Tried my best🫶🤞

Rolling over I check the time on the hotel's alarm clock. "Ugh" I groaned out as it read '1:37am'. I couldn't sleep, I kept thinking and stressing. We have all been so stressed with the start of this new tour, it seemed like there was something wrong with every show. The first show my mic just decided to not work and for the first two songs I had to share with Bill, which was so difficult. The second show, Tom's guitar was left at the other hotel, luckily he had a spare for the show. These weren't show-ruining problems but it just seemed as if we had bad luck. With the next show in two days, I couldn't seem to fall asleep. I sat up in bed and decided I needed to relax so I headed towards the hotel room balcony for a smoke.

I like having my own hotel rooms on tour because, even though I love my bandmates I need time to myself, it did get lonely sometimes, especially on nights like these when I couldn't stop my mind from wandering. This hotel was super nice and fancy. Even though my room was a single, I had plenty of space (for the three nights we were here). We also each had our own rooms, me being in between Georg and Bill with Tom on the other side of Bill and Gustav across the hall. On the balcony I pulled out my lighter and lit my cigarette, crossing my arms over my tank top. Damn it, I should've packed a sweater. I leaned over the railing looking down on the very alive city. I wondered if these people ever slept, it seemed like nobody in this city does.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw smoke coming from the balcony to my right. Bill! I thought, putting out my cigarette and turning on my heel to walk back into my room. Slipping on my shoes I grabbed my lighter and room key, walking out the door. I knocked on Bill's door lightly, looking down the hall. After a minute I knocked again, guessing he couldn't hear. After just a second, the door swung open to reveal Bill, no make up and no shirt. He just stood there for a second, almost lost in thought so I cocked my head and asked, "So can I come in?" He snapped back to reality and smiled with a small breathy laugh saying, "Oh yeah of course, sorry" while stepping back, giving me room to walk in. I heard the door shut behind me and turned around to see Bill with a confused look on his face. Aw he looks so cute- I did not just think that, uh ok anyways. "What are you doing still awake? You need to be getting rest." He asked, the same concerned look etched on his face. "I couldn't sleep, I've been thinking so much about anything that could go wrong at our next show, so I went to the balcony to smoke real quick. Then I saw that you were awake and came over here." I summed up, letting out a breath after that mouthful.

He nodded his head walking towards his small couch, looking back at me over his shoulder, motioning for me to follow him. He sat down in the corner with one leg up, resting his chin on his knee. I sat down across from him, on the other side, taking my shoes off and pulling both of my knees up under my chin. "Also, you can't be telling me I need rest when you're still awake too!" I add, with a small smile on my face. I expect him to at least let out a little laugh but he just kept his face down, drumming his fingers on his other hand. Maybe I upset him? Or intruded by coming over unannounced, it won't hurt to ask.

"Hey Bill I'm sorry, did I upset you?" I ask with real concern lacing my words. His head shoots up as he repeatedly denies my assumption. "No, no, no, no, no, trust me you didn't upset me. I was just thinking about how I haven't been able to sleep either. Not just because of the tour but i've also just had some other things on my mind." He says, eyes finally meet mine when he says that last part. I get up and go sit next to him, leaning over him on my knees, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. I feel his arms wrap around my torso pulling me tight to his front. "Aw Bill I'm sorry I know how hard that is. Do you wanna talk about what's been on your mind?" I say into his shoulder, letting go and sitting back, but still close to him. He almost chokes? when I ask that, eyes going wide as he covers it up with a cough. Weird, I thought.

"Um well I don't really know yet. I'd have to gather my thoughts first." He gives me a small reassuring smile while nodding his head. "Yeah I know what you mean." I say trying to mask my confusion. "But we can talk about other stuff!" He exclaims. I laugh and nod my head, smiling at him.

We talk about the most random stuff for at least an hour, laughing at old memories and cringing on old embarrassing moments. It was really great, Bill has always been super easy to talk to. I am closest with him in the band, for so many reasons, he is my best friend and I love him so much! As a friend only.......I think. Throughout our conversation tonight something in the air is different, whether it's Bill looking into my eyes while I talk about anything, or just the tension. It's thicker and has meaning, unknown to either of us. I know that he feels it too because he's been getting me closer this whole time. At first he just held my hands and played with my fingers while we talked, now i'm full on pressed up against his side, his arm around my body that is curled into him, my head on his chest. Our conversation has shifted now instead of goofy talking, we've been getting more serious, opening up about things that we hadn't even told each other.

I want him to know I fully trust him, i'm gonna bring up "Did you know my dad never really loved me?" I asked Bill, "I don't know if i've told you about it before, but he said it to my face all the time when I was little, before he left." I added. I felt him shake his head above me. "No you;ve never brought it up, that's awful." He said with a soft voice. "I just wanted you to know, it was a big part of my life. Also you're the only one that knows about it so please don't bring it up to the others." I told him. "Thank you for trusting me and of course I'll keep my mouth shut about it." He gave me a reassuring squeeze. "I really do trust you, you're my favorite person, besides Tom of course." Bill says to me. I was stunned, I felt something new and burning inside of me, I knew what it was. I loved Bill. I looked up at his face. He looked down at mine and we looked at each other. After a minute or two, it's like our faces naturally gravitated towards one another because pretty soon we were basically inhaling each others breaths.

"Do you want to kiss as badly as I do right now?" Bill questioned, speaking at a low whisper. I nodded my head and threaded my fingers through his hair, leaning up to finally meet his lips. The kiss was long and slow. Months of pent up, hidden feelings going into our kiss. That kiss proved a point, the point being me and Bill loved each other. Once we pulled apart I looked into Bill's eyes. It was a second until he spoke up, "I haven't been sleeping because i've spent so many nights thinking about you." That literally made me melt, my lip pouted out a little before i smiled and said the words i've been thinking, "I love you so much Bill", "I love you too" He repeated.

Finally me and Bill got a good night's rest, laying with each other, a new found love surrounding us.

Edit: hey y’all also this is literally my second time writing anything sooooo hope y’all didn’t expect author level writing

[pensat-i-fet]

Ask me first (Rúben Dias x Reader)

**I got this request a while ago. Sorry about taking so long. But basically just a bit of angst and I couldn't come up with the reason for the fight until one of the answers Rúben gave to the questions on that app he's a part of now inspired me. Hope you like it ❤️**

Word count: 1047

Masterlist

Wattpad

"What are you doing?", you said, sitting down on the sofa next to Rúben and opening a bag of crisps.

"Answering questions on this app thing".

"Any good ones?"

"Yeah, I guess a few".

"Want one?"

"No, thanks", he answered without even looking at what you were offering. "I want to get this done quickly. We have movie night today".

"I might eat all the snacks before that".

"It wouldn't be the first time", he laughed and you hit him with the bag.

He kept typing on his phone and you got curious. What were people asking? So you downloaded the app and started to read through his answers right when he stopped answering.

"Five children. Good joke".

"It wasn't a joke".

You looked at him, eyebrow raised. "Oh, are you planning on becoming the first man in the world who gives birth? Because I'm not having five children".

"We can talk about it…".

"You can talk while I say no. Ask your mum how easy it's to have a single baby…five! You men are hilarious".

"Other women have more than five", is he for real?

"Good for them. I'm not them".

You got up, picking up the empty bags of snacks to throw them to the bin on the way to your room.

"The kids topic is more serious than this, don't you think?"

"Rúben, don't push it".

"I just don't see why you have to react like that".

"Because you didn't even ask me before announcing to the world I'm a baby making machine".

"That's not what I said", he rolled his eyes.

"It's what anyone would understand reading that answer".

Grabbing your phone, you went into the bathroom. And there you saw your friend's group chat was moving fast. What happened?

"Anyone can sum up the almost 100 messages I missed?"

"We're going out tonight. Wanna come with us?"

It was movie night but… "Sure. Who's picking me up?"

When you went back to the room, Rúben was waiting to try and talk to you but you just walked to the closet and started to get clothes out to see what looked cute.

"What are you doing?"

"Going out with my friends".

"What?", he couldn't believe you were saying that. "It's our movie night. And I haven't been able to spend any quality time with you for like a week".

"Yeah, too bad you messed up being an idiot".

"Come on", he tried to stop you from moving around the room but couldn't. "Don't be like that. I miss you".

"You can see me when I get back".

"At 4 am?"

"I might make it back by 3…does this look good?"

Rúben shook his head, not because he didn't think you looked good but because he knew what you were trying to do wearing such a short dress.

"Call me if you need anything", he said, defeated and you felt bad but…he needed to understand why you were mad.

So you picked up your bag and left.

**

Movie night without you there was boring so Rúben ended up logging off Netflix but left the TV on as background noise while he made a sandwich in the kitchen.

BBC news was on, of course. You were a news freak who loved watching that channel. And while he mindlessly spread some tahini on a slice of bread, he heard a familiar name.

"...there have been two stabbings in a fight. We can't give an official number of injuries but the ambulances have just arrived and are attending all the people here. Many tried to leave the club and hurt themselves on the way out…".

That club…was the club you always went to.

Rúben ran to the sofa to pick up his phone and tried calling you. But you couldn't hear the phone due to the loud music at the club.

"Pick up, pick up …".

Nothing. He tried calling twice and couldn't reach you. The TV reporter said the two people stabbed were male, so at least he knew you weren't seriously injured but why weren't you answering.

"Tanya…she always has her phone in her hand!"

He remembered that fact about one of your best friends and called her instead. When she picked up, he couldn't hear much because of the music.

"Rúben!? You got the wrong girl!"

"I didn't. Tanya, where are you? Are you ok?"

"What?"

"For God's sake".

He hung up and texted her instead, telling her to tell you to call him.

A couple of minutes later, his phone rang and when he saw your name on the screen, he let out a sigh of relief.

"You ok?"

"Yes, why wouldn't I be? Listen, I feel bad about our fight. I overreacted…".

"I don't care. You're fine".

"Wasn't I supposed to be?"

"I saw there was a fight at the club you always go to and worried you could be injured".

"Yeah, we don't go to that one anymore. Dodgy people and all that", you said, casually.

"Where are you then?", when you told him the name of the club, he wrote it down so he could find it on Google maps later. "Can I go pick you up? I…I need to see you're fine".

He couldn't see your smile but could swear he heard it when you spoke again. "Sure. I'm a bit bored anyways. I rather cuddle with you than be here".

"I'll be there soon".

When you found your friends again, you told them about what had happened.

"That place had such bad music anyways".

You shook your head. Only your friends could have that reaction to the news.

And then you kept your phone in your hands, waiting for Rúben's message saying he was there, which didn't take long.

"Gotta go, my loves!", you said, kissing them all quickly before going to meet Rúben.

You spotted him immediately and started to walk towards the car but he met you halfway there, engulfing you in a big hug.

"I was so worried".

"I'm fine, don't worry".

"Also…am I forgiven?"

You laughed at his words and his face. "I guess. But I'm still not having five kids. Let's just adopt five cats instead!"

"That's a lot of cats".

The look you gave him told him enough. "You can't be serious!"

[julianalvarez9]

national kai day / kai havertz

summary: you're not very active on social media -at least, on your public profile. so, the post you dedicate to your boyfriend on every birthday of his, seems to turn the day into a national holiday for fans.

author's note: wanted to do sum for kai's birthday, sorry it's too late 😮‍💨 it's still his birthday where i am so happy birthday to himmm 🤍

yourusername

Liked by benchilwell, kaihavertz29 and others.

yourusername i'm not very much into public demonstrations of affection, you already know me well enough, and that's part of what makes you so special: you take me as i am. i love you liebling, happy birthday. you know who you are.

Comments are restricted under this post.

kaihavertz29 🤍

| ♥️ comment liked by yourusername.

jun 11, 2020.

yourusername

Liked by kaihavertz29, kepaarrizabalaga and others.

yourusername with every year that passes, i feel it's only right of me to share a bit of you to the world. the part they don't know about you, not the one they see every weekend on the pitch. still, words couldn't even begin to describe how special you are. i love you, k.

View all comments.

kepaarrizabalaga los adoro ❤️ (i adore you two)

| ♥️ comment liked by yourusername.

user1 i knowwww we don't know much about her but she seems so sweet 😭

user2 FRRRR and i had this idea of kai being like so serious but every year she posts something for his birthday it's always the cutest pics 😭

user3 grumpy x sunshine trope going so hard with these two

kaihavertz29 hate being far away today. i will make it up to you, schatz.

yourusername we'll see each other so soon. you don't have to do anything 🤍 the pups and i are gonna be happy just by seeing you again.

masonmount a man of many talents 🎹

kaihavertz29 thought you already knew me

jun 11, 2021.

yourusername

Liked by kaihavertz29, masonmount and others.

yourusername holding your hand forever. or until you get tired of me fiddling with your rings during the fancy events. i love you, k 🤍 happy birthday to the sweetest man on this planet.

View all comments.

user1 never seen kai smile that way before 🥹

user2 they're literally the cutest couple ever

masonmount he never holds my hand like that 🙁 happiest of birthdays to the man!

| ♥️ comment liked by yourusername.

benchilwell 😂

user3 this is what he meant when he said that he doesn't wear jewelry unless he's with his gf? stop that's so cute :(

jun 11, 2022.

yourusername

Liked by kaihavertz29, benchilwell and others.

yourusername kai, you amaze me every day. i've known you for so long i feel like our lives where always intertwined, somehow. will always cherish the possibility of waking up next to you every morning, but especially today, when i can wish the happiest of birthdays to the man i love.

View all comments.

benchilwell i love both of you so much 🤍

| ♥️ comment liked by yourusername and kaihavertz29.

user1 we went from "you know who you are" to tagging him 🥹

user2 also i think this is the first time she shows his full face 😭

kaihavertz29 waking up next to you is the biggest birthday gift. can't ask for anything more. i love you,

user3 she has such a way with words every year I shed a tear or two 🥲

user4 can't wait for the wedding vows it's gonna get emotional real fast 😭

jun 11, 2023.

[thedelusionreaderbitch]

Poly! Kanej x gn! Reader - Always Darkness (PRIDE 2023)

A/n: Happy pride everyone! Enjoy the 3rd installment to the fics of pride 2023 with this poly fic!

Summary: After being captured during a job, you attempt to down play the effects it had on you.

Warnings: this was written a while ago, physiological torture, torture, haphephobia, temperature changes, claustrophobia, panic attacks, questionable sanity at certain points, mild violence, swearing, hallucinations, asylums, straight jacket, suicidal thoughts, ptsd, trauma, mild blood, this is a heavy one guys, I think that's it? You have been warned!

The 3 P's:

[Pronouns used: you/your] [Pov: 2nd person] [Pairings: romantic! kanej x reader, (mentioned, platonic!) crows x reader]

It was cold, it was dark, and it was wet.

Yet it was so warm it felt like your feet were frying off but at the same time, it felt like they were numb. The room was dark only that, never changed, it was always dark. The light could never reach in here, not even a sun summoner would be able to summon anything in that cell. It was damp, but maybe that was because of the blood pooling around you as everything else was dry.

Laying on your back you look up, your eyes widen and you barely blink five times a minute. The heat in the room is unbearable to you, so you try to sift your body, to relive some of it. Then all the heat leaves your cell, room, home? You weren't sure anymore, but it was suddenly cold, so cold.

The room starts to spin and all you used to be able to see was darkness, but now you see different worlds and universes! The rational part of your brain knows it's not real, but the part that slowly submits to the mental pain and stress of everything starts to convince you otherwise. The only thing that keeps you grounded is

Them.

Then everything is falling and you don't know if you're screaming because you can't hear anything, and you can't flail your arms to wave around because you're stuck in some sort of jacket. A straight jacket you think is what Kaz called it, he said it was for the crazies.

But you weren't crazy! Yet why else would you be in one then? Maybe you were insane...

Oh, right the mission. You weren't crazy, you weren't crazy, you weren't crazy! You were just locked up because you fucked up on a job. Maybe you deserved to be in here then.

Then you were back to getting up and to hitting the walls. Perhaps to feel something, to have control, but you couldn't kill yourself on them no matter how hard you tried.

So you screamed, cried, and yelled. Eventually, you started babbling on about other things that made no sense entirely.

Or at least you thought you made a noise. You couldn't tell, because what really is reality?

You sit up from your bed preparing to kill someone.

The knife that is usually underneath your pillow is in your hand at all times now after that one job. Always ready to strike.

"Fuck." You mutter as your head falls into your hands as tears well up in your eyes. Again.

You thought after two weeks out of that asylum you would be over all the nightmares, but you weren't over anything. You couldn't have anyone touch you unless they made it very clear what they were doing, you couldn't sleep in complete darkness. Hell, you didn't even like going in a dark space anymore. Oh, there's more. The constant flashbacks, and the extreme claustrophobia, not being able to have your hands wounded together. The feeling that complete silence gives you. Always, always, having to remind yourself that you're not going crazy, it was just the lack of sleep, or the partially non-existent sleep.

All of that could be summed up into one word PTSD! But if you wanted to be even simpler the word would be trauma.

Nobody really knew how bad it affected you either, Nina did because you had to tell someone but other than that you just didn't tell anyone. You didn't want Kaz or Inej to take you off jobs so you downplayed what happened and told them it wasn't a real asylum really.

Probably you would never tell your boyfriend or girlfriend, they had their own problems to deal with.

The tears don't fall down your face, but they are pretty damn close as you stand up to take a walk... Somewhere.

Walking out of the safety of your room you don't know where you're going, all you know is that you have one goal in mind: Away.

You find yourself outside of Kaz's office door. The last place you wanted to be, but maybe the place you needed to be. Your hand grip's the doorknob as you close your eyes and try and come up with some sort of excuse so you could be close to your lovers.

You could hear their voices talking and scheming together about the next heists and jobs. It brought a smile to your face, and instead of opening the door your hand slips off the door handle and you slide down to the floor. The wall next to the door was cold, and incredibly wet.

"Subject number one." Your head snaps up to where you heard the voice from. You've haven't heard a real voice in what seemed like years, centuries even. But instead of seeing a real live person all you can see through the darkness is a blurry speaker and the one way glass.

"Stand up please."

You don't stand up, rather you do the exact opposite as you start rolling around the room muttering random things. Perhaps you really had gone insane, or maybe you were just defiant.

"You see now that subject number one is clinically insane. Tested by the royal ravkan grishas themselves!"

Ha! No one had tested you! They had just put you in here as a form of punishment for getting caught stealing... What was it again? Silly you, you must have forgotten!

So then how much time would it be until you would forget them?

"So now we're going to do the cold test. It's where we'll turn the temperature down drastically to see what a clinically insane person would do!"

And then suddenly everything was cold - so cold.

"No, no, no, no no..." You mutter as your knees come up to your chest as it starts heaving.

Fuck, a panic attack.

"Please stop, don't touch me!" You blubber, tears filling your eyes as you start to rock back and forward.

"Please make it stop! Make it stop!" You cry.

You hear some foot steps and you assumed the door to Kaz's office opened, but you couldn't really comprehend everything properly because you were trying to keep yourself from spiraling further.

"Y/n!" You hear Inej's voice call out to you but the other voices are just too strong, filling up your mind with vicious attacks, and daggers killing off the very little of your will left. You didn't even notice the blurry figures crouching in front of you.

Forget. Everything will be easier.

Maybe you are really a freak.

You fucked up, you deserve to be here.

You almost killed your lovers, what kind of sick monster would do that?

You. Are. Insane.

Insane, insane, insane!

"Breath L/n." Kaz places an ungloved hand on your shoulder.

"Don't touch me!" You push him backwards suddenly standing up and you start sprinting towards the steps.

"Y/n! Wait!" Inej takes hold of your wrist and her skin on your reminds you of touch too much. Too much pain.

Crack!

A crisp and cold crack was heard throughout the Slat as you snapped Inej's wrist. She screams in pain and Kaz catches up to you both, worried, and beyond terrified at what is playing out in front of him.

"I said don't touch me!" You sob, and once again your knees give out underneath you as you collapse with sobs clogging your throat on the floor.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry..." You whisper brokenly, the last bits of your mind coming back to you.

Inej and Kaz look down on you as Inej cradles her wrist in her hand and it finally gets to her.

"That was a real asylum wasn't it?"

And at the those words you sob harder as you nod because no words would be coming out of your mouth.

"Oh, saints Y/n." Kaz's voice comes over and calms you a bit, better than it did before anyways.

"We should have never have left you there."

With tremendous effort, Kaz crouched down beside you but he didn't come any closer. His hands are gloved now, so when he reaches out to brush a finger across your cheek you don't feel anything. Only the worry and love coming from Dirtyhands himself, he barely even touched you though. But maybe that was the point.

"Is this okay?" He questions, his hand dropping.

All you do is nod, you aren't in the right state of mind to be forming coherent words, the lack of sleep certainly wasn't helping.

Inej, probably from her standpoint, could see this and made eye contact with Brekker to see what they were going to do.

"You'll get them to the bed in your office. Unless you want me too, and that's fine I'll just have to wearing some gloves and some more clothes." Inej says - well you think she says that because every things starting to get really woozy, and the begins world spinning.

"Inej, Kaz." You whisper the words finally forming in your mouth bringing their attention to you right before you slip into unconsciousness.

"Help!" You scream. "Help!"

"No one can help you here." The sharp, villain-like, voice comes through the speakers into your cell.

You ignore what the person said and you try and bang on the walls with your body, because you had a fucking straight jacket on.

"Help me! Please! Kaz! Inej! Help!"

The person just laughs through the speakers and it vibrates throughout the room making you stop in your tracks. Inej and Kaz had to be coming... Right?

"Even if they could come for you Y/n L/n, why would they? Who would come for someone who's insane?"

"I'm not crazy!" You holler at the one way glass, knowing there was a big chance that the person was looking at you through there.

"Maybe not yet, but-" The person pauses and their voice sends a chill up your spine.

Instantaneously, the walls on the room start moving towards you. No, no, no, no... They keep on moving and you can hear the person giggle wickedly as they keep on coming towards you. The walls are going to squish you, you were going to die here.

"No!" You shout, you couldn't die here!

Abruptly, the walls stop moving, but then the lights start to dim until it's pitch black. You feel something caging you in, it gets closer and it starts to squeeze on your body till it stops. Then, starts to move back. Wait... It must have been the walls from before.

"N-no." You manage choke out, as you start to weep.

"Please! Anyone, help!"

"You will be insane Y/n L/n. Just you wait."

Something brushes up against you and you realize that you're terrified that it could be the walls moving in on you and you would never know.

"INEJ! KAZ!" You shriek.

"Get me out! Please let me out! I'm not crazy I swear!"

"Kaz! Inej!"

"Y/n! Y/n!"

You sit up with a start, sweat dripping down your face as tears well in your eyes.

Glancing beside you, you realize it's Inej who woke you up. Her face looked mildly terrified and she looked like she was in pain.

"I didn't want to touch you, so all I could do was yell." She said brokenly shoving her face into her hands.

"I'm sorry, we left you there."

You sigh but you smile slightly at your girl.

"It's not your nor Kaz's fault, I also told basically everyone it wasn't real. Even if I was lying to you, the biggest person I was lying to was myself." You close your eyes trying to will the memories away.

As you open them you start to see Kaz starting to limp inside the room.

"We're-" He starts

"Don't finish that sentence Kaz, I know you both are." You cut him off with a small glare, today was not the day you wanted to see the bastard of the barrel apologize.

He sighs and he sits on the other end of the bed. Inej comes and sits by Kaz who she links her hands with. Then you sit up and you ghost your hand over theirs.

It wasn't okay, but it could be. One day, it wouldn't be always darkness.

Words 2050

-thedelusionreaderbitch

Grishaverse taglist: @kaqua @rika90 @thefandomplace @musical-theatre-obsessed-dumbass @gallysonegoodlung @navs-bhat @sumsebien @dontjudgeabookbythecover @brekker-zenik @alohastitch0626 @brekkers-desigirl @emmsamultifan06

[sabo-has-my-heart]

It's two part again. Happy thanksgiving!

Dang, moving is always such a hassle :') I wish things go well for you. *sends love*

It's been a while so I can't really give a detailed story, but to sum up, this is what I literally dreamt of. Y/N works as an Oiran in a busy district in Wano, and Ace once visited it when he was still in the Spade pirates. They had an intense night, and Ace could not forgot the sensation and basically fell in love at first sight. He saved up money to buy Y/N out (not really buying a slave but actually freeing Y/N from the place) However, when he came back for Y/N, he was told that they escaped and the place no longer know Y/N's location.

Ace was disappointed, but that was a story in the past, Ace is now part of the WB pirates. He was secretly still searching for Y/N, though. Then, he recognized a familiar face among one of the member in the nurse crew of WB pirates ship. It was Y/N. The man was over the moon, until he realized, he couldn't possibly come to her and start a conversation with "Have we met? I think I've had s3x with you before". It turned into a cute story between Ace who is now very awkward but is trying his best to start a conversation with the person of his dream. And Y/N who is obvious. Until Y/N finally recognized Ace, and started teasing/flirting him which end up with another heated night for the two of them.

It's a miracle how I can dream of Ace lol, but it was a third person view point dream so I couldn't enjoy much either. It's not the first time I have a weird dream though, for some reasons I keep dreaming of a strange blonde who I have established a romantic relationship with. Well that's way too off topic, I only want to share my ideas with you for fun. I do hope that you prioritize your personal stuff before starting to write again (even tho I miss your write, a lots :'))

Aight that's it for now. Have a great day, have a great thanksgiving week. Best wishes.

- two part

TWO PART ANON! I had a pretty boring Thanksgiving, our oven was broken so we weren't really able to do anything special, that's okay though. Plus I had covid. I'm... mostly better now, still have a cough, but I'm covid negative and raring to go once more! Here's, lol, PART 1!!! All the smut will be in part 2, I hope you enjoy it!

Part 2, Part 3

Warnings: mentions of previous sex, no actual sex yet though (that’s for part 2)

Word Count: 1680

     It felt like it had been an eternity ago since he’d last seen you. In truth, it had only been a couple of years, but with how his heart yearned for you, it felt like longer. Ace hadn’t been one to believe in fairytales, no ‘happily ever after’, no ‘peasant becomes the prince/princess’, and no ‘love at first sight’. At least, not until he’d met you. A courtesan in Wano, no, an Oiran, on par with the greatest of them, with even the great Komurasaki. The first time he had laid eyes on you, he knew he needed to talk to you, the first time he heard your voice, he knew he needed to spend the night with you, and from the first night with you, knew that he needed you in his life. Not just for one night, but for all of them, forever. A passionate night, more passionate than any you had previously known, more loving and caring. One where he couldn’t stop every desire from pouring out of his mouth. His desires for you, to have you, to be with you; and the shocking part, the part that made his heart stop, that shook him to his core, was when you reciprocated it. When you told him you wanted him in your life too. You shared things you’d never told anybody else, told him your past, your desires, and your dreams, and he knew that he’d do anything to make sure you saw them realized. A promise, one to find enough treasure to ‘buy’ you. To pay your debt to the man who held your fate, to take you away from such a life. But he’d been too late, you couldn’t take it after that night with him. 

     Pretending that you enjoyed the company of other men, giggling at dumb jokes and ‘enjoying’ fine food and drink sitting next to men who weren’t Ace. It didn’t matter how rich or good looking they were, you only wanted Ace. So you ran away. In the dead of the night, you gathered all your most precious belongings, every cent you could carry, everything of worth, and disappeared into the night. When Ace had asked about you, stating that he wanted to pay your debt, to ‘buy’ you, the man had merely scoffed, saying that you had run and despite his best efforts, he hadn’t found you, that you still owed him so much money. Ace had paid your debt to the man, whether or not you were there. Should the man ever stumble across you again, you could still be free. Eventually, he’d learned that you’d escaped Wano, somehow managing to break the biggest law of the strange land and escaping to sea.

     From that day, he searched for you. He never told anybody, never said a word, made it seem like he was simply living his life, but any time he was at an island, his eyes were searching the crowds for your familiar form. The man was certain he could never forget the shape of your body, the color of your hair, or your scent; not the scent of the perfume that you had been forced to wear as an oiran, but your natural scent lingering just beneath that. Every detail was carved into the backs of his eyelids, teasing him each time he closed his eyes with your beautiful smile. Your real smile. Not the one you had given him upon first being introduced to that night’s company, but the smile you gave him the next morning as you placed a soft kiss to his lips. Only a few people knew of his secret, of his love. Deuce, his first mate, his friend, his second-in-command. Whitebeard, his captain, his adopted father, the man who accepted him for him. And Izou, the Wano man had been by accident. He’d wanted to learn how to make your favorite so that if he ever found you, he could make it for you. Except the man wasn’t dumb, he noticed the concentration on Ace’s face as he worked to perfect the food, noticed the soft smile when Ace thought about when he’d first tried the food, saw the pain when asked about why it was so important. He’d confronted Ace about it, smiling as he listened to Ace’s tale about the beautiful oiran who’d stolen his heart. Izou kept an eye out for any Wanoan women after that, he never said anything, but as a favor to his friend, fellow commander, and brother-in-arms, he always kept an eye out as well. 

     Sighing, Ace leaned back in his chair, taking a large gulp from his mug. Pops was docked at another island to restock, giving his men shore leave once they were properly restocked, allowing his sons to enjoy themselves, whether it be in food, drink, or women. Women, ha! No woman would ever compare to you, to the beautiful tennyo who’d stolen his heart. He chuckled to himself at the thought, tennyo, so many things you’d taught him in his short time with you. He missed you so much right now, missed the strange terms of endearment you used for him, so strange to him, but never failed to make his heart skip a beat. 

     Ace’s brow furrowed as he took his feet off the table to sit up straight. His ears strained to catch the voice that had caught his attention just a moment ago. The accent, the lilt, it rang so familiarly in his head. Looking around, he only saw the familiar faces, tattoos, and clothing of the crew. His division knocking back drinks as they laughed, a few Whitebeard nurses dispersed amongst them. Still, his eyes scanned the crowd frantically, searching for the familiar face that filled his dreams. Finally, it landed on one of the nurses. Ace didn’t know all of the nurses that tended to Pops, the man’s deteriorating health requiring near constant care. Yet this one, he was certain, or almost certain. 

     Swallowing hard, he mentally shouted for the nurse to turn around fully, to give him a proper view of her, rather than just the small glances at her. Finally, she turned, looking to one of the other nurses, stopping Ace’s heart. Your hair was different and the layers of make-up were gone and the kimono replaced with a pink dress, but he was sure it was you. The young man almost shot up in his seat, wanting to run over to you and pull you close, to bury his head into the crook of your neck, hesitating when a thought hit him. Would you even recognize him? You might be forever engraved in his mind, but was he similarly engraved in yours? It had been a few years ago and it had only been a couple of nights together. Did he mean as much to you and you had meant to him? How would he even talk to you, how would he strike a conversation? ‘Hey, this sounds crazy, but I spent a passionate night with you a few years ago. Wanna go have dinner with me?’ No, absolutely not! He’d sound deranged! There was no way you’d recognize him after all this time. You’d been an oiran, he was probably just another paying man spending a night with you, getting too caught up in your act. To you, he must have just been an overly passionate man who was drawn into the fake little world you created for all your customers. Slouching into his chair, he stared at you in longing, he wanted so badly to go over to you, to pick you up and spin you around, to pull you into the most mind blowing kiss, but he couldn’t risk freaking you out. 

     You’d heard tales of the new second division commander, but had yet to find the time to go see him yourself. Whitebeard’s health took priority and the other nurses had come to rely on you a great deal, leaving you with little time to yourself. On top of your work as a nurse, you were kept busy with a million other things. The young man from years prior always lingered in your mind, his smile like the sun seared into your mind, as if forever branding your mind, heart, and soul as his. Freckles that dotted his cheeks like the stars in the sky, making you think of him every night when you stared up at the twinkling lights, he burned so brightly, as if he were made of sunshine and stardust. During the few daylight hours in which you weren’t caring for Whitebeard, your thoughts were taken up by this man. His voice and name still rang in your ears late at night when things were quiet and still. Ace. Portgas D. Ace. Still, you were on shore leave and the other nurses, as thanks for always taking their shifts, had given you the night off, you’d earned it. So you’d come here, hearing that the second division, and its commander, was here. So far, you’d yet to spot the young man who’d caused such a stir. Talking with one of the second division men, a flit of bright orange caught your eye. Turning, you noticed a familiar orange hat being pressed down on a lowered head before the owner stood up to head out of the bar. 

     “Who’s that?” You asked, pointing to the young man who’s back was turned to you. Despite the tattoo that covered a good portion of his back, you were almost certain you recognized his form. How could you forget that physique, the back that had sported the evidence of your night together in the form of long red scratches, the shoulders that you’d held so tightly, as if your life depended on it. 

     “Hm? Oh, right! You haven’t met the new division commander have you? That’s him, FireFist Ace! Kid’s crazy, but he’s strong.” the man you’d been talking to said with a grin, proud of his new commander. You smiled as you watched him leave, Ace, you’d finally found him.

[fuckyeahficrec]

Hilson (Greg House / James Wilson)

I will add more in a near future

Please, give me suggestions for this blog and submit your own recommendations

These are listed by size - wordcount

Presumptuous Proposal - by didbuckygetaplum - Rating: Teen and Up - Words: 1277

Summary: Wilson couldn't figure out why everyone was congratulating him (well, mostly everyone, a few looked at him like he'd lost his mind) and he couldn't find House anywhere to ask him if he knew what was going on either.

sugar and spice - by ratsalad - Rating: Teen and Up - Words: 1984

Summary: “Aren’t you tired of being nice?” House asked Wilson. “Don’t you just want to go ape shit?”

(Three times House is nice, and one time Wilson isn’t.)

Welcomed Change - by JammiesDodger - Rating: General - Words: 2447

Summary: They're not sure when, or how, it happened, but it happened.

Something changed. They sat closer on the couch now, House’s bedroom had become their shared bedroom, Wilson had decided House’s old shirts make far better pajamas than his own.

They both decide the change was welcomed.

the doppelgänger effect - by lohoron - Rating: Explicit - Words: 2891

Summary: The door to Wilson’s room opens and he curiously cocks his head when he hears not one, but two sets of footsteps.

Motherfucker.

Ditched me so you could get your dick wet. What a slut.

pay you in love without returns - by wishb0ne - Rating: Teen and Up - Words: 3012

Summary: When Wilson tells House how much he spent on the Hammond organ he gifts him, House makes a mistake that will reveal their feelings for each other.

Higher Ground - by VictoriaAGrey - Rating: Teen and Up - Words: 3193

Summary: "What would you have done?"

The infarction was something they didn't talk about. Ever. Through mutual, unspoken agreement, they never talked about the intimate details of those hellish days and the year following it. It had made the silence between them jagged and hard for awhile, but those edges dulled over time. At least for Wilson they did.

"Please don't make me answer that."

household accidents - by ORiley42 - Rating: Explicit - Words: 3868

Summary: this fic's working title was "the hallway sex distraction" and that pretty much sums it up!

i thought the plane was going down (how'd you turn it back around?) - by dude_wheres_thepie - Rating: Not Rated - Words: 4269

Summary: Wilson shows up at House's place after Julie tells him she's been cheating on him.

say it back - by Ductie - Rating: General - Words: 6661

Summary: What if when House tells Wilson he loves him, Wilson says it back?

Well, naturally they turn to humor until “I love you”, “I love you too” becomes the most convoluted, gayest inside joke ever. And then of course they realize they mean it.

any way that you want me - by lohoron - Rating: Explicit - Words: 6737

Summary: Wilson scoffs, shaking his head. He rubs his forehead, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Ask Cuddy. Cameron. Anyone but me.”

“What part of boyfriend do you not understand? Unless Cuddy is secretly a tranny I'm not sure it’ll work,” House bites back, eyebrow cocked up.

“Why did you even tell them you have a boyfriend?! You're not gay!”

“How outdated. Wilson the homophobe! Come look for yourselves, folks! Wilson hates gay people and—”

A Not So Miserable Holiday - by JammiesDodger - Rating: General - Words: 6965

Summary: “Your parents threw your toys away?” House says it like he isn’t entirely familiar with parental mistreatment, although his dad never threw his toys away. Then again, his dad never let him have any toys in the first place.

Wilson nods, again, like he hadn't just admitted to something shattering, something that probably affects him every single day. Shit, House feels really bad now.

The Australian Maneuver - by ORiley42 - Rating: Mature - Words: 8836

Summary: Wilson and Chase take a different kind of revenge on House.

the escalated butt dial - by lohoron - Rating: Explicit - Words: 10104

Summary: He thinks it must be an accident. Because all he hears is shuffling and soft… clapping? He's about to hang up and laugh because House butt-dialed him while drunk when he hears it.

A very, very obviously sexual grunt. A moan, if more specific. Whatever. Not whatever. He can't really breathe right now, or think; call back later.

He wants to hang up. This is an invasion of privacy. This isn't okay. House butt-dialed him while masturbating, for fuck’s sake. And it's not like he wants to listen. Right? So. Just hang up.

Bait and Switch - by ORiley42 - Rating: Mature - Words: 10637

Summary: Wilson tricks House into participating in a bachelor auction to benefit the hospital.

hail mary - by ictus - Rating: Teen and Up - Words: 12850

Summary: House can't let go.

A Valuable Friend - by orphan_account - Rating: Explicit - Words: 25302

Summary: Wilson has been receiving mysterious late night phone calls. He'd rather House kept his nose out of it - but we all know how well that goes.

Series

on selfishness - by ORiley42 - Words: 19204 - 2 Parts (both Explicit)

[yourlocalspiderwoman]

The Monster Within

Miguel O’hara x gender neutral reader

Angst

Tw: mentioning of drugs

Not my first fanfic being about this magnificent human being🙏also let me know if y’all want a part two or sum🤼

He began to neglect his personal life, and his health began to suffer. He would work for days straight,barely sleeping or eating anything. Despite these signs, Miguel continued down his self-destructive path. He was convinced that only he could save the multiverse, and he was willing to pay any price to archive that.

As y/n entered the lab, they noticed Miguel sitting in the corner, seemingly lost in his thoughts. His skin was so pale and fragile that it looked like it was made of porcelain,so much so that at the slightest touch,it seemed like he would crumble into pieces like a broken vase. His whole appearance was almost frightening, causing y/ns breath to catch in their throat. But despite his fragile appearance, y/n couldn't help but feel a sense of awe at the sight of him, as if he was a force of nature that couldn't be helped but feel drawn to, like a magnet to metal, or the pull of the moon on the ocean tides.

“Miguel I think we seriously need to have a conversation” y/n said carefully as they slowly approached him.”You only hang around your lab and you barely ate anything in the past weeks!We - I…am worried about you Miguel,you can’t keep being this neglectful over your health and just assume none of us would say something about it.”

Miguel finally looked up from his work, his eyes dark and intense,just as his voice. "I understand that you're worried, y/n,but I don't have a choice right now. I have to focus on my work, and right now, that means having priorities and making sacrifices.”

“So what?You’re just gonna keep doing this and ignore how everyone else is worried sick about you?I can’t believe you’re this ignorant.”

Miguels face frowned at y/n's harsh words, and his voice became even lower. "I'm not being ignorant, y/n," he glared. "I know everyone is worried about me, but I can't let that hold me back.This work is too important, too necessary.

Of course none of you would understand that now, would you.”

Y/n shook their head, voice rising as they argued back. "That's not what I meant, Miguel," they said, keeping their voice sharp. "I just meant that you can't keep pushing yourself like this.You're eventually going to collapse, or break down, or worse. And then what? Who's gonna do all of this work then?”.

Miguel and y/n were both standing now, their voices rising as they continued to argue back and forth. The tension in the room was rising and it was clear that neither of them was going to back down.

Miguel spoke first, his voice almost a shout. "You know what, y/n?If you’d give me some space,who knows what I could have accomplished by now!”he shouted, almost yelling. "I can't work with you breathing down my neck all the time. I need to focus on this, and I can't do that if you're constantly interrupting me!"

Y/n looked at him with a mixture of anger and disbelief, their voice almost even louder now. "What am I supposed to do, Miguel?" they shouted back. "Just sit back and watch you destroy yourself, work yourself to death without taking a break?You know I just care about you and-“

“Finally!the genius got it.God how did you even manage to end up as Spider-man.Now if you’d excuse me I need to finish this, preferably without your nagging.”.

Y/n was taken back by Miguel's comment, they had never seen him like this before.

Tired of Miguel's constant belittling, they snapped back at him."And how did you become Spider-man?" y/n asked,their voice almost a shout now. "At least I got bitten by the goddamn spider,not got hooked up on some shitty drug.”

Miguel's expression changed to one of almost shock, as though he couldn't believe what he was hearing. "What did you just say to me?" he asked, his voice almost a whisper now.

Y/n quickly realised what they just said, regret immediately displaying on their face."No,look Miguel I’m sorry I genuinely didn’t mean to say that, you know it.Let’s just take a break and talk this through calmly.”they said, trying to deescalate the situation.

But only then they noticed something about him just seemed so…off.Miguel was almost panting like an animal by now,eyes a deep shade of red and his heart racing like he was on the brink of panic.

It’s only when y/n noticed the signs.All the empty vials stacking up on his desk,his odd behaviour…

He’s on rapture again.

“Look,I said I’m sorry alright?Lets just all think this through once more-“Y/n said,slight panic rising in their voice.They can’t help but slowly retreat, aiming towards the door but the more steps they took back,the more he advanced forward.

“Look just stay put here alright? I can go and get someone—“

But before they were able to react, he already slammed the door tight.Trapping the both of them.

His movements were almost sluggish by now.It was clear that the drug was taking a toll on his body and mind,yet he calmly replied “Don’t. I know I was a bit too harsh on you dear, and I think it’s just fair for me to properly apologise." He paused for a moment, as though considering his next words.

“What…are you talking about.”they said,a slight blush creeping up upon hearing that nickname.”

After a long pause of him contemplating and panting heavily he continued-“Just…god,You just make me feel these intense emotions, it’s just something about you.Something about you that makes me behave like a fucking dog” he released a dark chuckle and for the first time y/n saw his long pointy fangs,grinning back at them.Y/n took a final step back but now found themselves completely backed into a corner.He looked like a monster, a feral creature ready to attack.But yet, there was something else.Something y/n couldn’t quite interpret.

It was getting to the point where Miguel was about to lose himself to the drug completely. He had to stop, he had to do something before it was too late.

But did he want to?

Didn’t he already lose enough? Maybe he just wanted to give in, to let the drug take over,to become completely wild and feral.He lost so much already but at the same time he’s doing everything for…them.

But before he could think about it any further he found himself lunging at them, his claws extended and ready to attack.

[writtenjewels]

Biker Redux part 2

Part One

Jason wondered what his sponsor would think if he told her about last night. Probably warn him against reckless and dangerous behavior. She wouldn't be wrong: flicking off a biker gang was pretty stupid. He just couldn't seem to help himself. Those assholes were clearly trying to intimidate him.

At least one good thing came of the encounter. Jason smiled as he pictured Salim again. He wasn't entirely surprised when the biker followed him into the convenience store and started engaging with Jason. What Jason did find surprising was how casual and friendly Salim behaved. Jason had been expecting more intimidation or rough handling, not a pleasant conversation. More than pleasant: flirtatious.

Thinking of how Salim looked him over sent an excited shiver down Jason's spine. It was pretty damn flattering a guy like that would be interested in Jason; Jason certainly hadn't been able to stop checking out the biker. He went out on a limb by suggesting they meet up again. And Salim agreed.

Meeting up with a member of a biker gang, in that gang's territory, where Jason had already pissed off the gang's leader, hoping the attraction went both ways and something happened between them. “Reckless and dangerous” about summed it up.

The bus let him off about ten minutes before the agreed time. A few pedestrians were around and some cars passed by, but no sign of any motorcycles. It was still light out so Jason waited by the entrance. He took out his headphones and listened to some music. Maybe he could encourage Salim to listen, too.

One song later, a motorcycle came rumbling down the road. Jason's heart skipped a beat when he noticed it. It rolled to a stop right in front of him.

“Shouldn't you be wearin' a helmet?” Jason asked.

“I only have one,” Salim responded, “and I was saving it for you.”

“You think I want a ride?” Jason absolutely meant it as a double entendre. Salim didn't answer, his eyes slowly following the lines of Jason's body. Jason felt his face getting hot and his heart beat faster.

“I'll go slow,” Salim promised in a low tone. Holy shit. Salim held out a helmet and Jason found himself moving forward. He felt in a daze as he slid the helmet on and mounted the bike. “Hold tight,” Salim suggested.

Either Jason was insanely horny and needed to get his mind out of the gutter, or Salim was purposefully making every damn thing he said sound sexual.

Salim kicked his bike into gear and drove. Jason had never been on a motorcycle before so he could only guess on how fast it was supposed to feel. He felt the rush of air pushing against him as Salim maneuvered them down the street. He pressed himself closer to Salim, both to keep steady on the bike and just to feel the other man's body. He was broad and solid, and probably had some strong muscles due to driving the motorcycle.

They finally pulled to a stop. Salim got off first before helping Jason. Jason would have liked dismounting on his own, but he felt a little wobbly from the ride. The way Salim looked at him when Jason removed the helmet didn't hurt, either. Jason wet his lips and dropped his gaze to the other man's mouth.

“I know you wanted me to show you what was halal,” Salim spoke up, “but I thought you would like this better.” Jason blinked a few times to register the words. Then looked behind him to see Salim parked them in front of a music store. It made Jason feel stupidly giddy.

“I was hopin' to convince you to listen to music with me.”

“Let's go inside, then,” Salim suggested, taking Jason by the hand. The giddiness bubbled up and Jason knew he had to be grinning like an idiot.

With how clueless Salim appeared when it came to rock legends, he knew his way around the store. It was set up with headphones so customers could sample a few tracks before buying an album. Jason couldn't tell which of them was using this as an excuse to get closer to the other, but he didn't care either way. Salim held his hand the whole time, humming along to some of the tunes. Jason didn't even realize how much time had gone by until he checked his watch.

“Holy shit, we've been in here nearly two hours!”

“I'm sorry, am I keeping you from something?” Salim worried.

“No, just...” Jason's eyes dropped to where their fingers were linked together. He took a breath and lifted his gaze back up to Salim's face. “I'm havin' a good time. It's been a while since I felt like this.” More specifically, since he felt this way sober.

“Same here,” Salim agreed, thumb brushing across Jason's knuckles. His eyes lingered on Jason's mouth, and Jason desperately wished they weren't in public. “Still,” Salim added with a sigh, “it's getting late. I don't want you to miss your bus getting home.”

“Huh.” Jason released Salim's hand, reaching for the chains looped at the man's belt instead. He gave a little tug to bring them closer and fixed Salim with a challenging look. “Guess you've never been taught proper manners. Ain't you even gonna see me to my front door?”

“That,” Salim responded, “might ruin my reputation.” Jason deflated, heart sinking. His hands fell away from the chains. Before he could step back, though, Salim was leaning toward him. “But I am willing to take that risk.”

Jason was willing, too. More than willing. He'd take this ride as far as it would go.

[armpirate]

The Only One || JJK || Ch. 2

Pairings: mafia!jk x fem!reader

Genre: smut, angst, mafia, contract relationship

Warnings: Prostitution, torture, blood, use of drugs and weapons

Summary: You've always wished for a better life. Every single day at work, you were hoping something would change. Although you didn't think that change would come in the form of one mysterious man and a contract.

His controlling and selfish behaviour only wanted to keep you away from any other man that wasn't him, and you only had to wait for him.

Too bad you really thought you'd be smarter than Jeon Jungkook.

Previous || Next

MASTERLIST

Jungkook was sitting in his private jet, one leg crossed over the other as he thought deep about the conversation he had with Namjoon earlier that morning before he headed to the airport.

Namjoon was always the one requested to do these meetings overseas, even if Jungkook was the one used to control and manage territories. Out of the two, Namjoon was better with words and communicating, and Jungkook was better at managing those deals from afar. He was better at analyzing and controlling everything. It always worked that way.

But not this time.

That Spanish dude wanted him, he requested his presence specifically. No one else's. And while it probably was a way to check what they're willing to do to set some deals there, he couldn't help but set all his alarms and get his men to work.

—Jeon —Yejun called his name, walking to him with a beige folder in his hand—, this is what I could collect about Pedro —the long haired boy sat in front of his boss.

Uninterested, Jungkook opened the folder, going through each one of the sheets inside -several pictures in public spaces and glam parties. While he tried to read what was displayed on the sheets, he heard Yejun summing up the information out loud.

—There doesn't seem to be anything suspicious on him wanting you to fly out of Korea —he informed—. That asshole is too proud, so probably he just wants the satisfaction of getting what others didn't. I guess he wants to make sure how serious you are about earning a territory there.

Jungkook nodded, placing his cap properly again before letting his whole body rest on the comfortable white seat. His thumbs playing against one another, surrounding each other as he tried to think about something else when the jet was getting ready to set off.

—Do you want a sleeping pill?

He just shook his head, mumbling a negative sound without opening his eyes. Yejun was one of the men he trusted the most, that wasn't part of the group of seven -that now were distributed around the globe. He trusted those other six men the same way his father trusted their parents. Out of their group, he only trusted his bodyguards enough to leave his safety on their hands -although never totally.

His father made sure to teach him that, in their business, no one was completely trustworthy, and it didn't matter if they saved your life once, they'd always turn their backs at you if somebody offered more money than you. Probably that was the reason why he spent his time in between Seoul and Busan by himself, always keeping some safe distance between him and anyone who didn't belong to Bangtan -including any woman.

He trusted Yejun enough, just a safe amount to be relaxed, but not that much not to be on alert. Although sharing that small space gave him not much of a choice but to trust him, along with every single person that was flying with them.

And probably that was one of the reasons why he went through it without sleeping for more than twenty hours.

They landed in the airport of Palma de Mallorca at ten in the morning. He didn't pay much attention to it, or at least tried to keep his discreet aura while he was there, but that place was a joke compared to Incheon. Probably why a person, fully dressed in black, surrounded by bodyguards was getting everyone's attention there.

He put his sleeves down, hiding his recognizable tattoos as he made his way outside of the airport. meeting with a convoy of black cars with tinted windows as he crossed the big doors.

Yejun sat next to him in one of the big trucks in the middle, making sure his boss -who hasn't raised his sight ever since they landed- was safe on their way to the hotel.

—I'll stay in the hotel until it's time for the meeting —Jungkook informed him.

—You won't meet mister Park first?

—No.

Without saying a word, the long-haired man simply nodded. After working with him for four years, he barely knew him -which didn't surprise him. Even before he had to take over his father's place, Jeon Jungkook was quiet and reserved. Probably raised that way ready for moments like these.

And maybe it was better that way. And safer for the two of them.

Eight hours later, Jungkook was getting ready in his hotel room, now dressed on a full black suit that he kept checking out while looking at his reflection in the mirror. He bothered to come this far, he needed to be at the same level of the meeting.

He saw Jimin waiting for him downstairs, surrounded by his men as he stood in front of one of the cars. Looking at him in the distance, Jungkook reminded himself how lethal and merciless he could be when the time came -a personality totally opposed to his delicate looks and his neat blond hair dye. Something similar happened with Hoseok. Taehyung, Jin and Namjoon on the other hand were as intimidating on the outside as they were on the inside. With Yoongi being completely different. Looking rough and twisted on the outside, just to be the one with the most patience and mercy out of the seven of them.

—Kook, you stood me up today.

—If you had closed the deal as you were supposed to, we'd have a reason to celebrate something —he cut his friend up as he walked to the car.

Those dry words made Jimin gulp heavily, making him aware of why Jungkook was there and reminding himself those weren't holidays for him.

—We are going to one of his restaurants —Jimin casually said, as the car started moving—. But knowing him, he probably will move the negotiation to one of his clubs near here. He loves bragging about his girls.

Instantly after getting to the high level restaurant near the beach, they both were led to a private room upstairs. There, a bearded man was waiting for them, sitting behind the wide table -where two free chairs were waiting to be occupied. He slid his fingers, full of rings, over his slicked back hair, surprised to finally see Jungkook in front of him.

—The man of Korea —he stood, walking to the two men that were standing close to the door.

—Out of Korea —joked Jimin.

Snapping his finger to point at him with a funny look, Pedro stopped in front of them, looking at Jungkook as if he was one of the rarest things he's ever seen in his life.

—This is the kind of dedication I love —Pedro palmed Junkook's upper arm, making him move slightly.

That sudden touch annoyed him, tempting himself to give him a deathly look until he reminded himself where they were and why he was there.

—Do we eat and later get to business?

—Actually —Jungkook spoke—, I'd rather get to business, and eat later.

Nodding while twisting his mouth, the man ended up smiling and offered the free seats to both Jimin and Jungkook. Both of them sat, Jimin smiling nervously while Jungkook kept his serious expression as long as possible.

—You want to work here, you want to distribute and take some part of gambling and shit... —Pedro summed up— I already know that, so let's skip to what interests me —he laid his back on the backrest of the black wooden chair, while playing with the gray hairs at the end of his beard—. What am I getting in exchange for letting you do that?

—Opioids —Jungkook mentioned—. Heroin, codeine, methadone... Having this place as our territory would make it easier for you to get that type of drugs —getting on a more relaxing pose, he also laid his back on the backrest—. It'd be easier for you to move your coke further than this shitty island as well.

—How would you do that?

—Leave that to me, and just worry about counting the money I'll make you win —he replied cockily.

—Like I told you three days ago, we all will win something out of this —Jimin talked for the first time.

—I know —Pedro nodded slowly—. I just wanted to hear it directly from him —he pointed to Jungkook with his chin.

Jungkook was trying hard to hold back from tensing his jaw and showing off how pissed he actually was of being there. All of that trip was a waste of time, just made to please a grown asshole to get away with what he wanted.

Instead, Jungkook just showed a satisfied grin, knowing that man was in the palm of his hand. At least the deal seemed to be done.

—Now, to close the deal —Pedro started—, let's have something mallorcan for dinner —he stops—, and then let's go for the food.

He cackled at his own bad joke, having Jimin faking his laugh while he nudged Jungkook to get a fake laugh from him, too.

—I'm not into that —Jungkook quickly stepped back.

And it was true. He avoided being with anyone because of how distrustful he grew out to be, but he still managed to get in bed with some women he found attractive and special enough to share a night with them. A prostitute though... He hated the idea of fakeness and the lack of real intimacy between them. He liked the idea of making the other person desperate for him because he built it, and not because his wallet and an obligation did.

Jimin didn't take long to call Jungkook out, speaking in Korean so the man in front of them wouldn't be able to know what they were talking about.

—We've just closed a deal that's taken us months. Just go and sit at the fucking club, but don't fucking ruin this.

—Wow, speaking in a different language with someone else is bad education, Park —the Spanish man sang, redirecting the conversation back to English.

—Sure we'll go —Jimin finally said.

It was his last word. It was the last word for both of them. And while it bothered Jungkook, he knew Jimin was doing the right thing while forcing them to go to that type of club.

✸ ✸ ✸

As usual, Y/n got in the club later in the evening, covering her head with the grayish hood while sneaking herself through the back door so she could get directly to the dressing rooms.

—You're late —Amira, one of the oldest there, scolded her.

—I'm sorry —she apologized—. I had some problems at home.

Problems as in Carla getting in some trouble in one of her extracurriculars, after she insulted one of her classmates for getting the answer she got wrong right. And instead of going straight to work, she had to stop midway to have a talk with Carla's teacher and assure him it wouldn't happen again.

That kid really needed to learn how to control her temper.

—Well, hope you know what that means.

The pearl costume.

When she started working in the club, she soon realized there was one outfit in concrete no one liked to wear. That pearl costume was uncomfortable to dance to, and difficult to take it off. Not to mention the possibility of one of the beads ripping off and falling to the ground, while you're just swaying around with on 8 inches tall high heels -which usually also leads to the worst customers of the night.

She battled with every pearl, and every strip while she was trying to get dressed. Just to see herself reflected in the mirror of the dressing room, and realizing it was totally worth it with the way those pearls fell over her toned stomach. If only its beauty compensated with how difficult it was to dance with it...

—Did you guys know? —Tere entered the place with a nervous and excited smile— The boss brought two fine as fuck men.

She didn't understand why they all were so excited over those news out of nowhere, and she wasn't shy to voice her opinion.

—And what about it? —she kept doing her eyeliner— If Pedro brought them, it means two of us will be working for free tonight.

—I mean... —Joana scoffed— I don't think so.

—Then think so —Y/n interrupted her.

Lopes entered the room, looking around all the girls until his eyes met with Y/n's on the reflection of the mirror.

—Love, you're next —he informed, before he headed out again.

The irony in her name was ridiculous. Someone that wasn't even loved by her parents had that name. And she wasn't even sure why she thought of that stage name when there were cooler ones.

She sighed, looking one last time in the mirror before she placed the pastel coloured pink wig on her head and felt the fake locks caressing the exposed skin of her shoulders.

Peeking her head over the curtains, she saw three more girls still dancing in some poles around the club, while the main stage was getting lighted up and Dancer in the Dark by Chase Atlantic started playing. It was her call to get out there and dance.

Jungkook stood by the counter of the bar, feeling as looked up as the girls dancing in the poles until all the attention shifted to the main stage. She moved around the pole, almost like flying in the air around the metallic support until gravity made her reach the floor. Those pearls fell over her curves so gracefully it made him want his fingertips to take their place.

Something on the way she moved, something on the way she looked was totally different from the previous two girls he saw on that same stage. Or maybe, like the song said, it was that powerful look in her eyes.

While still kneeling on the floor, the metallic bar in between her legs as she rubbed her crotch against it, she started taking off the part of the outfit full of fake pearls, just leaving herself wearing a white lace set that got some of the men howling.

She stood up carefully, turning around the pole again so she was at the front part of it, spreading her legs while moving her torso in sync with the music. She wasn't looking for someone, she was only trying to move her hair away from her face, but that move made her fall on a pair of slanted eyes.

That man was looking at her attentively while she stood up again, and at some point it seemed like he was in charge of all the moves she made. It was as if she were dancing to him only by the way her eyes got fixed on him.

And she had no idea what she was doing to him. The fact that her eyes made him believe she was dancing for him only, made him possessive of her. Jungkook was craving every little piece of skin in her body, and he was going to have her. He was the only one enjoying her that night.

—I want her —he whispered to Pedro.

Jungkook's comment got Jimin looking at him confused, while Pedro simply cackled and patted his shoulder.

—Of course you do.

—I want her now —Jungkook cleared.

And he knew he said that right on time, because he dropped those words right when she was going to unclasp her bra in front of all those desperate men. Pedro turned to the bartender, gave him a look and the spotlight was turned off from the main stage and the song suddenly stopped, being replaced by the same roasty music that was playing before she showed up.

—Love is one of our best girls —he assured Jungkook—. You won't regret it.

In the backstage, Y/n fought with the hook of her bra as she was trying to understand what happened back there. The show turned out well, she managed to take off the difficult part of the set with no accidents... Then why did they decide to interrupt her show? It was like they were gatekeeping her from fishing a good customer.

—Love, room eleven —informed Lopes—. Special client on Pedro's behalf.

—What? —she asked, confused.

—Just hurry there —Philipa said annoyed—. You were lucky to skip the show and jump straight to the room. 

And while she was right, that was something that never happened. The show was a way of "exhibiting" the merch they were offering. That's how Lopes explained it to her when she started working in the club three years ago.

She headed to room eleven, which was one of the biggest ones -and only given to those customers that could pay for it.

Her fingers held the warm methal, ready to see who the customer would be.

Taglist: @kaiparkerwifes @sheylamc

[copwef]

A turtle called sensei(Rottmnt au)

Chapter 1

___________________________________________

"The world needs Master Leonardo. And all we got is this guy..."

Leo remembers these words vividly. While they weren't last Casey had spoke to him, they where most important. A much needed wake up call before the hell he would have to face.

Leo remembers the image vividly. There strongest attack, the sum of all his brothers mystic power being flicked away by krang prime. However he doesn't remember much of the fall.

All he remembered was waking up on the ground, holding Casey's mask with his brothers no where in sight. Watching the technodrome completely pass through the portal.

Leo could hardly think. He definitely had a concussion and the thought that everyone he cared about could very well be dead wasn't helping.

He may have stood there for the rest of his life had Casey's mask not began to play that grim warning.

"Sensei... The plan failed... Your brothers were-" The audio briefly cut out, leaving him unaware of his family's fate. "I've been spotted. It doesn't look like we can stop the invasion after all. But as you told us, there is still hope."

Leo could almost laugh.

"How" he thought.

He couldn't comprehend how there could still be hope after he had doomed the earth in his ignorance.

"Master Leonardo mentioned to me once a place called the hidden city. He said that if his team had gotten their in time they may have been able to close the connection to new York and evacuate civilians there. He said it could've given us a advantage against krang."

Casey had stopped talking. His breathing be came frantic and Leo though he heard the sound of running footsteps.

"Listen. If you can, find Draxum, April, and splinter. And go to the hidden city. It may be our last hope..."

Casey's message ended there. No screaming, no crying, no panic. Just a desperate attempt at saving his sensei.

Looking back on it. Leo sometimes wonders if this gave Casey a form of peace. A feeling that at least he could save his sensei the second time around.

Leo's body practically acted on auto pilot after that. He quickly found his swords as portaled over to April and splinter. He didn't listen to there frantic questions about if he was alright and where his brothers where.

He opened a Portal to the hidden city and shoved them through.

He then portaled to the school where Draxum worked. There Draxum had been gathering survivors. There was were around 300 people. Men, women, children, and teens. People who may have lost their families.

Kinda like Leo did himself.

Leo quicky shut that thought down. There was no time to think about his mistake. He quickly opened another Portal to the hidden city and yelled at everyone to go inside.

The people were already freaked out and a giant sentient turtle definitely was not helping.

However Draxum was able to convince most people to go in willingly. The rest Leo practically forced into the portal. Before stepping in himself.

Now that everyone was in the hidden city, it was time for the second part of the plan.

He practically screamed at Draxum.

"WHO RUNS THE HIDDEN CITY AND WHERE ARE THEY!?

Draxum with both confusions and terror in his voice and expression responded.

"The council... The mystic counsel runs the hidden city. The should be in the massive structure to the east."

Leo wasted no time, portalling there instantly and barging in.

"SHUT DOWN THE CONNECTION To NEW YORK!" Leo screamed at the council.

The three members of the council were inraged, demanding who he was and why he thought he could order them around.

All Leo did was show them footage from Casey's mask of the apocalypse happening above ground. The counsel was horrified but still reluctant to listen to him.

Leo however, held up his sword's and opened a Portal. And threatened to lead krang here if they didn't

The council quickly complied and shut down the connection to new York. Leo than teleported to his remaining family. But before they could say anything, Leo's injury's and fatigue caught up with him, and he passed out.

As he felt himself falling unconscious. Leo could only pray this whole thing was a horrible nightmare.

But little did he know, this was just the beginning...

------------------------------------------------------

So what do you think of the first chapter of this series. I'd love to hear some feedback! Also sorry for lack of dialogue. I'm writing This as im about to go to bed. So I'll try to improve for the next chapter!

[period-dramallama]

Becoming Elizabeth: the autopsy

I just realised I never did a review of episode 8. Lol. Lmao even. This isn't an episode review but rather a discussion of the show upon rewatch.

Basically this is a show where the whole is not equal to the sum of its parts.

When I talk about the problems with the writing, I generally mean the narrative choices. The literal writing itself is good. Particularly for Tommy S, because those funny and witty/endearing lines explain his charm and why he is able to win over people and make them think he's a nice guy he's a funny guy he's a lovable rogue he's an adventurer. Tommy S does need to have some charm/charisma in order to be an effective villain. He can't go around being obviously evil.

There are still too many F words, but i was pleasantly surprised that there weren't as many as I remembered. And some F words I couldn't bear to part with: "The fuck is that?" And "what the fuck is wrong with you?!" In episode 5 for example.

I've seen some people say that the quality of the writing dropped in the episodes that aren't Anya Reiss but.... I think the quality of the writing was consistent. The iconic "I wish to take my c***ing bath" was not in an Anya episode, and neither was one of my favourite scenes in the whole show (yes it's the Dudley swordfighting training scene but it's an objectively good scene and not just because it's cute boys in fencing gear).

I initially thought episode 7 was my least favourite episode, but looking back there isn't really a good episode or a bad episode. Every episode has something I like and a bunch of stuff I'd change. If I had to pick 2 favourite episodes I'd pick 1 and 6. But because the problems are with narrative choices they're spread across the series. Even in episode 1, we have Elizabeth "I said at 9 i didn't want to marry so a lot would need to happen to change my mind" Tudor suddenly deciding she wants to marry a man she barely knows because hormones and they had a nice conversation one time. The rot set in quickly.

After the first four episodes I started skipping Mary and Tommy S scenes. I won't say any more on Katherine Parr because I've already said all I have to say on her characterisation. I did do some soul searching because I wondered if my dislike of her was subconscious internalised misogyny, given my affection for morally ambiguous male characters. But no, she really does lack both charm and depth.

So why is Becoming Elizabeth so narratively unsatisfying? Aside from Elizabeth being OOC, I think it's that the story feels like it's going around in circles.

Jane and Elizabeth clash. They make up. Then in episode 7 they fall out again. Mary and Edward fight, make up, fight, make up, fight again. Elizabeth realises Tommy S is dangerous, then she forgets, then she realises again. Mary scolds this character and they don't listen and then this character and they don't listen.

Yes character development isn't linear but it isn't circular either. It GOES somewhere. Setup and payoff are mutually reinforcing. It's fun to watch the setup because you know what's coming as a result of it. Payoff is fun because you saw how we got here. But it isn't satisfying to watch something that you know won't result in anything permanent. I don't feel anything watching Jane be tactless to Elizabeth in episode 1 because I know she'll be even MORE tactless in episode 7. And I don't feel anything seeing Elizabeth reach out the hand of friendship to Jane after the recital fiasco because I know in episode 7 they'll just fall out again. Whereas with Mary and Elizabeth they at least end the series with their relationship in a different place (hell).

And I have every sympathy with the writers because I'm up to my eyeballs at editing and I know what it's like to take historical events and try and make a plot and character arcs out of them. But the letter subplot and the Danish marriage subplot were largely fictional anyway. And they kinda went nowhere.

I understand that the showrunners wanted a complex villain in Tommy S. I get it. My favourite characters in this show are people capable of great love and also great harm. But to humanise him you only really needed that conversation with Elizabeth in episode 1 establishing his uncertainty and confusion, and the excellent "goshawk hatching out of a goose egg" scene with Jane. That establishes that he has the ability to be good he just chooses to be awful. So yes, the show really did give him too much screen time. He's not the main character, Elizabeth is! He should not have screen time comparable with her and her siblings! This wasn't supposed to be the Tommy S show! Nobody asked for that!

Gardiner is another problem IMHO. Setting aside the fact he's way too young to be the real Gardiner. He really shouldn't be here. He spent Edward's reign in the Tower. I know he shows up as a result of the fictional plots... so why write those fictional plots to the point you have to bring him in?? Cranmer IS important. You could have had Cranmer pushing Edward to be radical, Ed pushing him to be more lenient, and Daddy Dudley balancing the two. Voila, a dynamic!

And I get that Elizabeth wasn't doing much politically 1550-3 but you could still show her reacting and learning from events around her rather than warping Edward's reign completely out of shape AND making her a side character in her own story.

[some-pers0n]

Euthanasia

Fandom: TF2

Characters: Medic, Engineer

CW: Major character death

Summary: Ludwig didn't need to worry about death. It was so far away that he couldn't care about feeling the cold embrace of finality. Which was why Dell telling him that he was dying threw him so off guard.

Word Count: 1.6k

A/N: I'm sad now.

Right off the bat, this oneshot is inspired by one of @archiarthur's comics (this one) and it has rotted my mind entirely. I saw that they were okay with fanfic being made of their art (or that they'd be flattered about it) and I just...yeah. I'm very awkward and I'm sorry if I did something wrong I– uh... Here!! Old man yaoi!!

Death was a concept that Ludwig didn't care to think about. Despite being surrounded by death from his time as both a doctor and mercenary, the concept was too abstract for his liking. The idea that a being full of memories, thoughts, and general life could be wiped out in an instant was...uncanny to sum up in a single word. He grew used to the concept but never did that underlying sense of dread and existential horror truly disappear. 

He never gave too much credence to the thought of himself dying, at least permanently. He flirted with hell enough. If any of his organs were to start shutting down he'd merely replace them. He was a healthy enough man and had grafted enough souls in him to live more lifetimes than anybody needed to.

Ludwig didn't need to worry about death. It was so far away that he couldn't care about feeling the cold embrace of finality.

Which was why Dell telling him that he was dying threw him so off guard.

"You don't..." he lightly chuckled. "No, no. You're joking again, aren't you? Pulling my leg?"

Dell snickered. "Wish I was. But, I can feel it. Somethin's up. Don't know what. I just know my body's...breaking down. It's time."

"That can't be right. No, I– we did everything right. Got married, settled, been together for decades now... You can't go. Not after everything we've done."

"Life works that way, I guess. Everything's right and nice for a good couple of years before it all starts falling apart." Dell gave a lighthearted shrug.

"You're only in your eighties."

"Ain't that when most people start dying off though?" Dell cracked a smile. "It's sooner or later this was gonna happen."

Ludwig could only stare in disbelief. Part of him clung to the idea that this was some elaborate joke. Perhaps it was his mind slipping away and making him have vivid nightmares. Anything other than to face reality. To continue believing there would be another day he could spend with his love.

But, this was real. This old, aging man before him, his husband, was dying.

He couldn't help but look longingly at him. Only now did it settle in how much he's aged. He was seated in a wooden rocking chair, a patterned blanket covering his legs. He'd ditched the overalls a long while ago, now opting for cozy and warm cotton sweaters. His eyes were cloudy and he was wearing a pair of square glasses. His hair was little more than a couple of grey wisps. His beard was long and silvery. Despite it all, that look of kindness and passion remained within him.

Ludwig couldn't lose that. Not now, not never.

"I could fix whatever issue it is though!" he said. "It won't take too long. I haven't had a proper transplant in a while,  but I'm fairly certain that my skills–"

"That won't be necessary, doc," Dell replied. "I'm fine with dying."

Ludwig paused. "You're what?"

"I'm alright with dying. That's what I said, right?"

"But it's death. You'll be gone. I don't have access to all of my supplies and materials that are needed to revive a man-" He was cut off by Dell's wheezy laughter.

"Still don't get it?" he spoke through the snickers. "I'm good with passing. Forever. Finally being put to rest. No transplants. No resurrection. Just me going to the grave."

Ludwig furrowed his eyebrows. "No, no, no, that isn't right. You aren't supposed to go. Not now. Not ever. You're here, with me. You're always there."

"I mean, someday I'll hafta go, won't I?"

"But that's not– no!" Ludwig stood up. "You don't have to go. I– I can fix this. You aren't going to die. You won't. Don't you dare die on me. Ever." He crouched to Dell's level, resting his hands against his face. A myriad of emotions swirled within him. Denial, sadness, grief, false hope. He didn't even notice when tears began to stream down his face.

Dell sighed, his smile unwavering. "I know it's a lot. I'm sorry. But, it's what's gonna happen. You can try to swap out as many organs as you can. Replace my lungs. My heart. Hell, maybe you'd find some way to swap my brain out and keep me full here. That may delay the inevitable for a couple more years, but, we both know that my time's up."

"But I could–"

"Shh, it's okay." Dell raised his right hand, his Gunslinger, and brushed away some tears. "I'll have to die like everyone else. This machine, me, it'll fall apart and break eventually. You could try and fix it, keep it standing for as long as possible, but sooner or later it's gonna crumble."

He exhaled. "I know we were supposed to be gods together, but even gods have their time of rest." He grinned warmly.

Ludwig quivered. "...klar. If that's the way you want to go, I suppose that's how it'll go."

Dell yawned. "I know you wanna talk. There's a good chance I won't wake up tomorrow, but I can't stand to be up any longer. Sorry... I would if I could."

"Don't feel sorry! I'm happy enough you're able to tell me this now." He hugged Dell, wrapping his arms around him. "Would you like me to carry you to bed?"

"That'd be nice. Thank you, darlin'."

Ludwig scooped him up, supporting his back in one arm and holding up his legs in the other. He did it slowly and with care to not hurt Dell (although one wrong move and Ludwig very well may blow his back out doing this). His body was lighter than normal, yet still warm and comforting.

Ludwig carried him through the house, eventually ending up in their bedroom. He set him down on their king-sized bed, pulling the blankets over. He slipped his glasses off his face, placing them on the nightstand.

"Gettin' the royal treatment for dying now, aren't I?" he joked. "Though, thanks for doing this, doc. You don't need to."

"For you? I'd do anything. The least I can do is bring you to bed, mein Liebling." He took off his collared shirt and put on a plain white one. "Though, I do have one request."

"Fire away."

"May we...cuddle?"

"Is that even a question?" Dell said. "C'mon."

Ludwig slipped under the covers and rested his head against the pillow. He looked at his husband, a quiet sadness washing over him. Without hesitation, he threw his arms around him, bringing him close.

It was the nearest thing to a perfect moment. Dell was soft and snuggly. His skin was scratchy and rough, but beautifully comforting. He relaxed against him. He listened to the gentle thump of his heart. Life. Something that told him that he was still alive. He clung to that heartbeat, never wanting to lift his head.

Quietly, those tears returned once more. Slipped out of his eyes and raced down his face. His breath shook with anxiety and sadness.

Through it all, he felt Dell pat him on the back. "It's okay, darlin'. It's gonna be okay," he said. "I'm here with you."

"I love you..." Ludwig struggled to say. "I love you so, so much."

"I love you too. More than anything else. Don't forget that, alright?"

Ludwig sighed as he nestled himself closer to Dell. He didn't care if he seemed weak. He loved Dell. More than anybody else. Nowhere had he seen another man who cared about him– who understood him like Dell did. He found the only other man who was like him, and he didn't want to let go. Not yet. Not now.

But, the end has to come at some time, doesn't it? Sooner or later the story has to end. Gods move on and retire. Rest. They've worked hard and long for many years. They deserve to lie down and sleep, even if it was hard to say goodbye.

Ludwig didn't know when he finally dozed off, but it was a dreamless sleep. One moment he was silently sobbing into Dell. The next, the sun was peering through the blinds and his birds were chirping away.

He smacked his lips and rubbed his eyes. He turned over to Dell, seeing him laying on his back. He looked peaceful there. His face was relaxed, with the faint remnants of a smile on it. Deep in sleep.

Or, that's what he thought until he noticed that Dell's chest wasn't moving. It was still. In fact, he wasn't breathing at all.

Ludwig's heart dropped. He knew what happened. He didn't want to believe it.

"No, no..." he muttered. He inched closer, grabbing Dell's hand and holding his head. He was cold. Colder than any other body he'd felt before.

"Wake up," he pleaded, "aufwachen, bitte. Please, Dell... Don't leave me."

No response.

He was gone. There was no denying it. Ludwig couldn't begin to think of some excuse to deny this situation any further. No breathing. No sign that he was still kicking around.

He was dead. His true love passed away while he slept.

The tears returned once more with a vengeance. His breath was jagged and strained. Grief consumed him, sinking into his very soul. He couldn't think of anything else. All he could comprehend was one harrowing truth: his husband was dead.

He rested his head against Dell's chest. The absent heartbeat brought no comfort. Dell was dead. He would never see him alive again.

Death is natural, but that doesn't make the loss of the only one you ever loved any better, does it?

[shenrickyz]

PERSONALITY OVERVIEWS !?

xuwicha rattanakosin …

xeno is much of the playful kind, you know, that one person in the friend group that just tells jokes all the time, yeah, that's exactly how i would sum him up. in an obvious kind of way, he is someone with much energy, someone who, in everyone else's opinion, somehow can just keep talking and talking without pausing even once. in his words, he just always has something to say, it's hard for him to not stop talking because it's just very enjoyable in his opinion. bright, upbeat, and sociable, he is someone who enjoys surrounding himself around other people, and it seems that other people enjoy being around him too.

makani seo …

makani is not someone as talkative as he may appear. though at first glance it seems that he might seem like the kind of person who can talk to people flawlessly, that couldn't be farther from the truth. he is not much of a talker and not even much of a people person either, which is amusing when you remember he's in a group with like 20 something other men, but really, it doesn't help with his social skills at all. trust and believe, makani is definitely funny, his sarcasm brings flavor to any conversation you can think of, but if you want him to talk, maybe call his name a few times. it takes him a while to open up to people, but maybe if he especially likes you he'll open up much easier.

jiang zixin …

zixin is someone.. well, complicated yeah? he can be energetic at times, he can be an absolute pain in the ass at times, and he can just be.. there at times. if you were to ask me to give you a word that describes zixin, i don't think i'd be able to do it on the spot, i'd have to think for a few moments before i could genuinely come up with one. he enjoys messing around with people, and he's very blunt and simply very honest when it comes to what he wants to say. will he say anything and everything? probably yeah, he feels the need to share every single thing he thinks, which probably isn't that good of a trait in hindsight, but it makes him unique doesn't it?

fukushima hikari …

hikari is someone with a big heart, someone who is very obvious when it comes to his emotions and expressing said emotions. he genuinely just has a lot of love to give and is very affectionate when it comes to people he loves, sometimes he feels like he overdoes it and it makes him feel a little insecure, but he never tells people about those feelings he has, instead resorting to simply showcasing his affection and keeping all of his insecurities to himself. it's easy for him to tear up quickly, but that's simply because he's had a fair share of traumatizing experiences in his lifetime. still, even with the amount of things he's gone through, hikari finds it nice to give his love to other people.

heo minjae …

minjae is unhinged and for the most part, he enjoys that. the thing about him is that, even in the most serious of situations, he can't help but giggle, or chuckle, or simply because he thought about a random joke from seven months ago. most of the time, minjae zones out during situations, and when he finally realizes he zoned out, he doesn't even remember what's going on, people have literally stopped filling him in on certain situations because he won't get it anyway. even with that, though, he does have good intentions, yeah he chews ice, but those are the least of his problems.

kang seojun …

seojun is much like how you expect a maknae is, overly upbeat, energetic, bright, and pretty unserious most of the time. he's someone who never really got the chance to be a kid, so those childish tendencies he never got to have as an actual child have now blossomed into his adulthood. but of course, like everyone, seojun can be pretty serious himself, he just doesn't enjoy it, because he's one of the youngest, so he enjoys actually acting like it most of the time. he often makes the older members sigh because what the hell goes through his mind most times? and yes he may be pretty impulsive, but he's pretty, so who cares?

hi user @junjiie please dont eat them i really need these storylines to commence so postpone it for now!!!