#that is like ‘i hate myself for hating you because you didnt really do anything wrong so why do i hurt so much’

[seven-stars-in-his-palm]

the thing i love about bill cipher is that even after i've learned all of this stuff about him, seen him at the most vulnerable he'll ever get, seen him at his most innocent, i still can't give a flying fuck about trying to justify his actions. yes he's traumatized, yes he was twisted into what we know today, and while it gives a semblance of context to why he did what he did, it doesn't matter. he still ruined ford's life. he still drove and baited multiple humans to suicide. he still tormented every human he saw as his ticket out of the consequences of his own actions. he still took delight in his actions. he was willing to commit genocide for fuck's sake!!! (freezing all of the humans into statues). trying to explain away what he did does not get rid of what he did, but it certainly puts it in perspective. you won't be catching me being a bill apologist any time soon <3

[engagemythrusters]

nothing is funnier to me than opening one of neil newbon's old streams to see how he interacted with the characters and then seeing someone in the chat go "I don't like Gale--he's a walking red flag"

girl you are there in that discord server or whatever because you like Astarion. your fingers should NOT be on your keyboard when it comes time to talk about red flags 😂

[todayisafridaynight]

Since you mentioned it, what did you think of Speak No Evil? I was thinking of watching it myself :0

i really liked it ............ my friend scoffed at me when i told her i was watchin it so take my opinion with a grain of salt tho </3

[rainingincale]

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[13eyond13]

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[comas-are-for-sleeping]

bc it's like. and i was GOING to talk to you about the religion aspect of it because it is also partly a letter to God where i am like bro fuck me why is everything so hard; but also like. u know that already i could talk myself into the ground about that already so like yeah. i never posted this one bc it explicitly mentioned my age in a way that i Do Not have the heard to change and also i am emotionally fragile about it and it was probably one of the last songs i wrote before the one i made for tater last year... and it's SO SAD man. it started out as a poem about me hating summer now and the fact that i hated hating summer now because it used to be my favorite season, but then every single thing that made me love the season got taken away from me--the place i was in when i got to experience it, the people i got to be with, the friends and the family and the spending time with all of those people who were so important to me--and then it kind of slowly turned into me going why is everything that i am fucked up how do you even wait for me when i'm like this why must time pass and why does the hurt only get worse. and there's like no real point to me talking about this song i do not think i am going anywhere with this but it is SO IMPRESSIVE how badly i did not want to listen to it until like. over a year later. and now every time i listen to it it's wild because i always get to have the fun realization that this fits literally any breakdown i could have that would have me listening to sad music like goddamn it is it a versatile little fucker of a song.

but also it is interesting because there are parts in there that i've grown a little about and i can look back and be glad that i have moved on from it. it's like a little marker fr like one day when i'm like fifty i can look back on this song and be like haha fuck you life i won. so i'm kind of just. drifting along waiting for that i think

FJFJRJR ALL OF THIS IS SO REAL DUDE IM

bc literally same omfg DUUDE. *shakes you and then hugs you and then shakes you again*

[caffeinatedopossum]

I keep seeing tiktoks about how the owl house fandom is so annoying apparently and people can't seem to escape the endless fan content and passionate rants about it... like girl you know we're mostly desperate gays and traumatized autistics right. Please just let us have this ;-;

Anyway I absolutely should not have taken that personally but after *finally* starting to become a little more comfortable with having special interests and hyperfixations ... I did unfortunately take it personally 😔 like it seems like one very small thing to get upset about but I'm so tired of constantly worrying that my only form of happiness will only ever be annoying to people and then having that fear affirmed again and again.

[h3rmitsunited]

I was going back through my old school stuff from like 1st grade and there was this like journal where we had to write like a couple sentences each day to practice writing and stuff and i had this one day where part of what I wrote was "I hate myself today because I had to change my card to yellow" (the cards were like discipline things so you started with green and if you weren't being good you had to stand up and go to the front of the class to change your card) and I don't remember what it was for but I'm sure I was just like maybe talking or something like that.

But like damn. Even just thinking about the times I had to change my cards in those classes makes me want to cry. I remember always being so upset anytime the teachers weren't happy with me and then I think about me now and how I'm always expecting people to think the worst of me or be hiding that they don't like me or always expecting the other shoe to drop even if they've been telling me I'm doing a good job because I'm bad and I need them to just tell me why and what exactly they're holding back

And I've got a review coming up at work soon with my bosses since it's almost my 6 year anniversary of working there and all I can think is oh good now they can stop telling me how great I am and how happy they are to have me there and just tell me everything I'm doing wrong because I know the compliments aren't right and they have to have been holding back what all my issues are.

And I think something in my upbringing may have kind of fucked my head up... just a little bit

[sexybabystevie]

this is to ONE PERSON and one person ONLY. if you're confused, it's not you!

[somefisher]

Im gonna throw up im sick of feeling awful all the time

[sunlightfeeling]

god i forgot how much i liked that cohost hid a lot of metrics…

(much ranting in the tags…)

[talkorsomething]

Too [insert adjective here] for guard ...................

Well, it's only half related.

We "hit a pothole", "had a slipup", whatever you want to call it — sunday. Aka: for the sake of my sanity we are not labeling it a relapse but good god does it feel as though I have invited the demons back in.

I know why, but I don't really know why. Because, I mean... I never have, to begin with. So: when I decided i was doing it sunday, i accepted it. "Let it happen", as someone would probably say to me. It's not...

I've been thinking about it for a while now. It's like anything - it comes and goes, a few times a year, and no matter what, I always ignore it.

Except, maybe there's something I'm not paying attention to? Or, ignoring, is the better word for it?

Of course it would be the one thing I have happening in my life.

November, I was burnt out for unrelated reasons. It was a lot to take in. That made sense. Now? ... why now?

There's not really any pressure on me. Yes, I have to do things, yes, it will be noticed if they're bad, but ...... it's not important. We don't spend time on it. I'm coming back next year, but it might be at the cost of ... all of this. I think it's progress. I haven't touched my guitar in any serious capacity in over a year. I think it's progress.

I don't take compliments well. I can't tell if that's why I don't get them, but I'm not being corrected much either. Only when I drift too far from what the work is supposed to be, only after weeks of it going, I can only assume, unnoticed. I keep getting stuck.

...push it back down.

Telling me I'm doing good isn't telling me what I know I have to be getting wrong. I could take it, at the cost of... all of this. I'm anticipating, and I know it can come. This is not where I was when I started.

It's been said, I haven't been told, that not starting it means you're more of a burden, by making the other person have to do it first. I know that. I do. And still it doesn't help. I'm not drowning. It wasn't an accident, but it wasn't planned, either. I don't know you.

I don't know you.

I'm not a good person. I'm not a nice person. Every week I tell myself this is really it, and every week I come back, and ... what? Forget I ever said anything? Forget we're not friends?

Well, we're not, huh? Nobody is, with me. What you see I swear you misunderstand. You don't ask. If you do, well, I can't answer. We're at an impasse.

It's not even my fault we didn't make it. I shouldn't feel like this over nothing. I don't do anything. You will, correctly, not let me do anything, because potential doesn't matter if you can't back it up. If you won't back it up. I let things happen to me.

I don't even feel better. And, actually, ironically, i think i know what would let me feel better. If I can't be upset with anyone else, at least I can be with myself.

... but, well, not even that. Your heart in my hands, but I mean it diegetically. And metaphorically. I hate putting myself out there, I hate having to actually perform, and yet every time, no matter what, I do it. I'm fine. I only cared at the start, and even then not very.

I don't feel anything. Not a lot, anyways. I don't let it happen. I can't. I don't know what it'll mean if I start being honest with myself.

...

I've pulled myself out of this before. A few times, now. Different circumstances, but I've done it all the same. Seasonal depression notwithstanding.

I'm only here because I did things I was scared to. And still, I'm the same. No progress made. The only way out is to do it again but I feel like I can't. I can't.

Will someone just let me say that?

Will someone just fucking help for once?

[danielnelsen]

family is out having a nice dinner and trying to convince me to come but i have way too much to do before i have to get up at the crack of dawn to get on a plane tomorrow, so dad's like "the food will be so nice, you're really missing out" then gives the phone to my sister who's like "the food will be so nice, you're really missing out," like........what part of "i have too much to do" says i can be convinced as if im just lazily deciding to stay home? all you've done is made me feel bad on top of being stressed about everything i have to do and how im not gonna get to have nice food today. cool thanks

[du-garm]

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[domsaysstuff]

Trying to be vulnerable sucks, like how one does it if it's not after 10 pm in your best friend car in the lidl's parking lot?

[thickest-slimiest-malware]

I lost a kahoot im being boiled alive