#that making this all so much worse on top of how bad it is

[eggyrocks]

35MM CHAPTER TWENTY: pizza time!

track number twenty: fade into you by mazzy star

masterlist

The sun is starting to set when he knocks on the door. The blue dusk reminds him of her. Akaashi sent his psychiatrist an email about upping the dose of his anxiety medication before he left. He rocks on the back of his heels. He’s taking Kuroo’s advice. Or at least, he’s trying to. He overthought everything to death until nothing in his head even held any meaning. His nose is bruised purple, and his chest rises and falls visibly with each heavy intake of breath.

The door opens. For the split second he can see the doorknob turn, he sends a silent prayer that it’s not one of her roommates that answers and, if it is, that it’s not the scary one that slammed his fist into his face. It’s answered. She opens the door.

Her t-shirt hangs loose on her shoulders and sweatpants are low on her hips. She narrows her gaze at the sight of him and Akaashi takes that as not a good sign. And it’s not like she moves to slam the door in his face, but Akaashi doesn’t want to take the risk. He steps forward into her apartment and says. “I like you.”

She steps back, expression sort of unreadable. “What?”

“I like you,” Akaashi repeats, taking another step closer. “I like you a lot. I like everything about you. I think you’re beautiful and the way you think is beautiful. I like that you change the way I think, and I like how everything feels better when you’re around and I want to be with you all the time.”

The words seem to hit her slowly, taking a second to settle into her skin. Once they do, she backs further into her apartment. Akaashi follows, taking slow, hesitant steps, watching as she leans against her kitchen counter. “I don’t,” she starts, and then takes an heavy breath. She turns her head and looks him in the eye. “Did you mean it, when you kissed me?”

“Yes,” Akaashi breathes out. “I meant it.”

She gnaws on the inside of her cheek and looks off to the side. “I don’t like the way you played with my feelings,” she confesses, and looks down at her feet, blinking like she’s trying to force away her tears. “I don’t like the way you made me feel like I didn’t matter to you.”

Without thinking much about it at all, Akaashi takes two long strides to close the gap between them. His arms go around her shoulders, and he pulls her into his chest. “I’m sorry. I was overthinking and I know I made everything worse. But you matter to me. You matter to me so much that I’m going to do all the things I’ve been too afraid to do.” And Akaashi can’t help himself. He kisses the top of her head and tightens his hold on her. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I’ll do anything to make it up to you.”

She tilts her head back to look up at him. Her eyes are wet and watering. She sniffs. “Well, my roommate broke your nose. So, I guess that kinda makes up for it.”

A small smile tugs at the corner of his lips. “Does it look that bad?”

“Nah,” she shakes her head. “I think you look handsome.”

Red tinges his cheeks. Akaashi can feel it as it spreads. And he thinks that he should come up with some sort of flirtatious quip in response, but he’s looking into her eyes and he feels lost. He doesn’t have a grip on any of his conscious thoughts. The only thing that he can really hold onto is that he thinks he really might be in love with her.

So Akaashi leans down and uses the tip of his nose to nudge her head up slightly, and he kisses her. Again.

It’s different now. There’s a different sort of charge to it. Akaashi feels this persistent sort of buzz under his skin as he leans in deeper to her. He kisses her there, in the middle of her kitchen, with no regard to the world around him. It’s like it doesn’t exist. It’s just her and her body heat and the way she is entangled with him.

And his self-control is already hanging on by a thread, so when she drags her hand up his neck and tangles it in the roots of his hair, he snaps. His hands wrap around the bottom of her thighs, and in one swift movement, he’s lifted her onto the countertop, giving him more access to her, in her entirety.

Akaashi’s convinced, then. He’s in love. Pathetically so. He can’t decide if he should take the time to tell her or not. The decision is made for him.

“Surprise! It’s pizza time! Pizza-oh my god.”

They pull apart from each other with a gasp. Akaashi launches himself to the other side of the room. Bokuto Koutarou stands in the doorway of her apartment, mouth slightly agape, a box of pizza in one hand. He stares blankly at the scene before him.

She, still seated on the top of the counter, reaches for the first thing she can get her hands on and flings it directly at her brother’s face. It’s a dish rag. “Oh my god, get out.”

Bokuto doesn’t even flinch as the dish rag hits his face and falls directly onto the pizza box. Akaashi holds his breath. “Fine. I seem to have lost my appetite, anyways. Wonder why.”

He leaves, then. Walking backwards out the front door. He takes the dish rag with him. Akaashi blinks.

->fun facts!

at first when bokuto asked akaashi not to date yn he was really just was joking but then after it kept getting brought up he started to get suspicious; he thought if he kept saying 'oh MAN akaashi would DEFINITELY for sure tell me!' it would make him tell him

but it did not even a little so now bokuto actually kind of feels bad that he made him feel more anxious about the whole thing

bokuto 1000% killed the mood when he showed up but yn and akaashi retreated to her room and talked a lot about their feelings for each other and shared maybe more than one little kiss and decided an exclusive status would work best for them

akaashi is one text away from throttling atsumu his flirting with yn always got under his skin but now he has no reason to hide his budding annoyance

hinata won the bet

one more chapter left!

once more i am NOT proofreading

taglist: @wyrcan @thechaosoflonging @publicbathroompanic @bedeater @rottingt1tz @rintarawr @deluluforcarlos55 @ahseyy @localgaytrainwreck @cherrypieyourface @baskin-robinhoods @polish-cereal @iheartamora @ferntv @eclecticeggknightpsychic @httpakkeiji @does-directions @needtoloveoutloud @rinheartshyunlix @causenessus @bookworm-center @kettlepop @makkiroll @atsumou @eyes-ofhell @kawaii-angelanne @ryeyeyer @k8nicole @mydearchoso @phoenix-eclipses @lixie-phoria @suitstars @reneny @scxrcherr @ueknightbl @iluvaquaphor @sleezzsister @barricadesenthusiast @staygoldsquatchling02 @hyunskzza @nemesii @sereniteav @crimsoncamra @gsyche @evening-latte @rrosiitas @kunimix @kitnootkat @aquariarose @iluv-ace @sparkei @gl6ss

[the-ace-with-spades]

I'll never write it because it hits a bit too close home for me to write it without mental strain (I'd read it okay tho...) but I have a very specific scenario in my head so—

Bradley gets the same type of cancer his mom died from.

I imagine it's lung or pancreas cancer because I've seen those and they can be quite aggressive or progressive depending on type. In my head, Carole was in her late thirties/early forties at the latest when she got sick and I imagine it was unexpected and quick, as it often is with young cancer.

The thing is, people deal with cancer diagnosis differently in so many ways — some are in complete denial, some try to stay optimistic for their family, and some just... give up.

Bradley's seen enough cancer and death that he can't deny it but he also can't ever believe he has any luck left in life.

He's in his late 20s. He's just been proposed as his squad's candidate for Top Gun. The DADT just got removed. He has a long-term, serious partner (Jake) who he might not be completely open about everything yet but whom he loves and plans to marry and who loves him back. They're planning on buying a house, Jake talks about having kids. Bradley met Jake's family and his life didn't blow up and they even liked him. The years after he stopped talking to Mav were tough, but he's feeling as settled and as happy with his life as he can be at the time.

He goes to his routine physical as normal, maybe his spirometry comes up short or maybe his bloods are a bit off, or maybe he's just feeling more tired than normal and the doc has a feeling.

Doc informs him about the suspicions, he gets the tests done and it turns from suspicion to reality. At no point Bradley mentions it to Jake. He's taken off flying schedule, sure, but he doesn't tell anyone why, just making something up about his eyesight getting worse or maybe about a recurring ear or sinus infection.

Even if the diagnosis wasn't that bad and the oncologist was optimistic prognosis-wise, Bradley, who has already heard the exact same words about his mom's diagnosis, wouldn't believe it at all. Maybe he wouldn't believe it at all to the point that he'd refuse treatment and just let life run its course.

He'd start planning.

Get everything sorted out while he can. Make it as painless for everyone as much as he can.

And it starts small and escalates quickly. He updates his will, he has a med leave meeting with his superiors, advocates for a transfer to an office role.

He breaks up with Jake, still not telling him a thing. Just so he doesn't have to go through it with Bradley as well — because he knows he'd. And you bet he does the break up in a way that pisses Jake off to the point he doesn't realize how suspicious everything is — the timing, the medical leave, Bradley changing from 'let's buy a house together and have kids' to 'i don't think we can really work out together' on the span of weeks. He's brash in the worst way, and obviously, it also makes their friend group wary and isolates him — which was exactly his plan.

There's one person who he knows will be forever guilty if they don't talk. So, you know, he takes a trip down to China Lake and he and Mav talk. He says all the right things he knows Mav wants to hear — that he forgives him, that he's not mad anymore, that he understands, that he still considers Mav his sort of dad and that he was pissed but he's ready to move on. Maybe Mav does the unexpected and explains to Bradley why he pulled the papers and maybe Bradley actually forgives him.

So, you know, with that Bradley is all ready to take on everything alone, never have anyone find out and just start, well, dying on his own, medical partial leave, all of his stuff sold or written into the will, potential transfer to a paper-pushing position in Point Mugu, far away from everyone who could ever care about him, any people who could ever be affected at all by his illness in the blind.

He was not counting on one thing, though — that Mav, forgiven and missing over ten years of Bradley's life, will try to be part of his life again. Calls, visits — Bradley can't really keep it hidden that he's just rolled over his life in the span of weeks, even if he doesn't not why. Bradley was young when his mom got sick but not that young — he remembers how Mav took it, he's not going to retraumatize him.

But it's really hard not to let Mav know too much when he's asking about everything, and he mentions Jake once and Mav runs wild with the information. First starts to prod Bradley, then tries to do his own investigation and finds out that Jake was stationed at the same base and that they had been together before they broke up abruptly not long ago.

He thinks he's connected the dots — Bradley's weird behavior has to be due to heartbreak, y'know — and tries to play a bit of a wingman by approaching Hangman on his own.

The two people Bradley is trying to keep in the blind meet and realize something is fishy. Jake not only gets hit with the face with Bradley's estranged dad existing but also not being estranged anymore and with that Bradley is acting freaking weird. Mav gets hit in the face because it was Bradley who did the breaking up in the nastiest way possible (and he raised him better than that and also can still see he's got the sad lovesick puppy face whenever Mav tries to bring Jake up) but also with the realization that whatever Bradley is doing, he's got them fooled.

In the end, I think it'd be Ice who figures it out (whether or not he and Mav are together in this scenario). Hears all about it from Mav and Jake and has this moment when it all kind of spins in his head, his own experiences and feelings making a callback, and just tells them, it sounds like he's preparing for a goodbye.

Needless to say, Jake is pissed, Mav is pissed. They stage an intervention and you know that Bradley coughs up (probably in some dramatic way as well... like getting sick to the point they call an ambulance for him...). They definitely freak out when they find out he's been refusing treatment this whole time.

(I don't want to go into actual details of treatment but you can bet Mav and Jake are fucking glued to him from then on and they watch him like hawks. It's not all roses and I don't believe it'd be a quick treatment, probably running long, having better and worse days. Maybe he won't even be able to fly afterwards, once he's in remission. Maybe he never goes into remission. I don't know, I don't like thinking that far...)

[artdcnaldson]

THANK YOU FOR MATCHING MY FREAK

You’re art’s sister and are like 2-3 years younger. You meet Patrick when you’re 12 and he comes to your house during summer break to visit Art. You’ve always had a crush on him and he knows you well enough to consider you a friend you know, but at that time you’re still just Art’s little sister.

Flash forward couple years, Art is out of college and with Patrick on tour (they never have a falling out in this AU) and both of them are like 24. You’re 21/22 and freshly out of college and well you want to take a gap year before finding a job. You felt like you didn’t really experience in college yk. Constantly studying and never even really went out. Kissed a couple guys but sadly still a virgin and quite frankly embarrassed.

You decide its a great idea to travel. I mean what’s not to like! Get to see new places, except your family doesn’t have the money to let you galavant anywhere you want and you’re a broke college grad, so you’re stuck traveling on your big brother on tour. Not that you don’t love him, Art’s a great brother, it just isn’t what you planned….until you realize Patrick is there too.

When you finally meet up with them, you realize Patrick has just gotten hotter. More of a man now at 24 and well you’re not the shy little kid you were anymore. You’re 22 and know what you want. And well you don’t know if you’re beautiful (patrick already thinks so but shhh you don’t know that) but you do think with the right clothes and attitude you could get him interested (he already is but again shhh you don’t know that).

So yeah you decide you don’t really need to wear bras anymore and that tiny little lacey panties are soooooo much better for you. Short skirts or the long white ones that are kinda see through in sun or any bright light are your favorites. And little tiny tight tops. You always make sure to give Patrick hugs after his games and always compliment him. Looking up at him with big eyes.

Patrick notices. God he notices. He knows what you’re up to. When you’re drunk you whisper about how much you want him and how you touch yourself thinking about him and how no one’s ever had you like that and that you wants him to be the one who does. He’s not surprised at this, Art’s repressed as fuck so yeah of course you are too (he blames the catholic upbringing but thats a different story). What he is surprised tho is how much you want it…how much hr wants you…god he wants to completely defile you. In every way possible. Fucking claim you in a way you’re begging him to do so. He swears he isn’t possessive but the thought of any one else with you starts to bug him too. You’re just so sweet and need someone right for you :( not some random douche :( someone who’d treat you right :( and fuck you right :( God he wants you so bad…it’s just you’re Art’s sister.

- 🫀

EXACTLYYYYY EXACTLYY

Art notices something is up, gets a little protective, the way a good big brother should. He starts carrying an extra jacket in his car specifically so he can give it to you when you’re out with the two of them, to cover up how short your skirt is.

He sees how you go to Patrick whenever you can, how you cling to his side and look at him all starry-eyed and sweet.

“You need to tell her you aren’t interested,” Art tells Patrick one night, when they’re brushing their teeth in a hotel bathroom. You’re across the hall, blissfully unaware of what your brother is doing.

Patrick could just agree, could tell him he’d never go for his best friend’s sister, and that he’d tell you to leave him alone. But he’s nothing if not an asshole.

“What if I am interested?” The words are spoken around a mouthful of foamy toothpaste that he spits into the sink. “Your sister’s hot, she wants me, clearly. She could do worse.”

Art shoves him, which makes Patrick grin. “Fuck you. I’ve seen how you get with women. I’ve been on the other side of the door and heard it. If you ever even look at her the wrong way, I will break your fucking knees.”

Patrick leans against the wall, his lips twitching into a grin. “That could be good. I’d be all bedridden and weak. She could take advantage of me, make me submit to her perverted desires.”

Art groans, meets his gaze. “I’m serious, Pat. Tell me you’re going to put a stop to it, or I’ll have to make her go home.”

“Alright,” he says, putting his hands up. “I’ll tell her to knock it off.”

But what can he do when Art’s taken some pretty girl at the bar back to the hotel? when you’re drunk off of sweet girly drinks and it’s just the two of you? When you’re batting your lashes at him, telling him how handsome he looks, that you want to kiss him so bad, want him to touch your— but you can’t say it, you’re looking down, all shy.

But you’re not shy enough that you can’t tell him that you’re not wearing a bra, that you’re not wearing panties. That you want him so bad it’s hurting and you just need him to make it feel better. That no one’s ever touched you before, but you think he should be the first. That the first time you played with yourself it was after you watched one of his matches.

Jesus fucking Christ. He gets a glass of water, makes you drink it all in front of him, then makes you drink another. You follow on wobbly legs as he walks you back to the hotel, keeps a nice firm hand on your wrist.

You’re beaming when he brings you to your room, start clumsily stripping off your dress. He has to turn around when your dress pools on the floor, has to physically cover his eyes so he’s not tempted to turn around.

“Jesus, put some fucking pajamas on.”

“Pattttt—“ you whine. But when he doesn’t move you obey. He can see your nipples through the tin tank top, but it’s better than nothing, literally.

“C’mere, let’s get you ready for bed.”

He sits you on the counter in the bathroom, wipes off your makeup carefully. You groan, press your forehead against his as a wave of nausea hits. You smell sweet, like vanilla, but mostly like liquor. He holds your hair while you vomit, wipes at your teary eyes and says it’s fine, he’s seen worse. He’s been worse.

And then you’re crying, saying you like him so much and you wish you could just have him— that he’s so nice to you it hurts in your chest like you can’t breathe. He thinks it’s sweet, but you’re just drunk.

He brushes your teeth, carries you to the bed. Slides the hotel trashcan next to the bed, just in case. And he shouldn’t, but he leans down and kisses your forehead too.

“Please don’t leave, Pat. I feel sick.”

He sighs, texts Art. Full disclosure, I’m staying in your sister’s room so she doesn’t choke on her own vomit. Have fun with the room tonight bro.

He falls asleep sitting up in the armchair by the TV, and the two of you notably don’t talk about it the next morning.

[softbutchthatlovesyou]

First things first: I am not deactivating. Just. Taking a break.

Mututals: You can get my discord if I don't ask for yours before I leave in a couple days. You can also give me a snap though I may be worse at responding to that.

This is my reasons for leaving so no one thinks I do anything crazy, or if anyone has their own gripe they can take this as a sign to take a mental health break of your own.

.

The Racism on this site remains unchecked, and the agression against black user who call it out should absolutely NOT be that high. You adore recreating the racist systems that got us here in the first place. You think your lense on how we experience opression, even the theories we wrote, are better and clearly so much superior.

Exorsexism is disgustingly rampant. We are a jokes to people. We are fakes to other. We are a convenient argument about people passing. We are "dangerous" to a preciously protected set of binaries that do nothing to help any of us.

Lesbophobia across the site has no reason to be so high on a site with so many Lesbians and yet!! We treat labels like they're more important than lives. People act like a personal interpretation of the idenity is an attack. We go "Being a Lesbian is so complex. It's intricate and special" And then when a butch takes t, or a femmes uses he and maybe even gets top surgery, or someones attraction isnt the simply wlw Lesbianism they're told they're doing it wrong and that it's not fair to try and over complicate being a lesbian.

Transandrophobia and Transmisogyny against me and other trans people on this site is out of control. People are infighting and people are lashing out laterally and comparing it 1:1 to the opression the system holds against all of us.

Intersexism continues to be like, so easy for you guys to commit no matter how many voices speak up about how best to be aware of intersex issues.

You guys adore ableism just as you have for years and years. You're obsessed with degrading people who do mental illness or disability "wrong." You see someone stuggling with illness and you don't wait to tell them your personal opinion on their experience. Adding ocd triggering guilt tripping to post. Refusing to hear out people about adding image ids/alt images and how screen readers work.

The Antisemitism I was seeing well before 10/7 was gross. It only increased as people scrambled not to be associated with "the bad jew." People had mutuals and friends for years that abandoned them at the first chance. They spread lies or twisted truths in order to chose Jewish bloggers off the site. I DO notice that when people make post on antisemitism there is often more Jewish people than goy in the notes acknowledging it. I don't think I've seen one without horrid Antisemitism in it's own notes in months. Multiple people have told me to leave my heritage out of pride in their attempts to keep out Jewish people.

Voices from Palstine are only used when they support certain ideas. You all turned supporting people into a fucking witch hunt against profiles on the Internet. You reblog a post of Palastine joy and then reblog an unsourced tweet about something Palstinians have said isn't true, that slanders Jewish people unprompted. For a long time some of you weren't even sharing the right sources for helping them bc you couldn't fact check before sharing?

-

And then there's fucking STAFF. They couldn't stop themselves from banning trans blogs if you paid them. They couldn't keep harassment campaigns at bay if it killed someone.

They used us to coax queer people here for years by sharing that they support queer identities and even at one point let our porn exist here! And then it was all fucking wiped off the map. Now one mass reporting of an untrue claim can get an minorties blog permanently removed.

They say "We need money!" but when people gave it to them this site got w o r se. They use distractions and try and make stuff around the fun shit we came up with to keep us from fussing.

They mute and remove users who make a loud enough point to sway people. They mute and removes uses that are so quiet no one would notice.

Minorties inboxes are a headache.

.

So I'm out. I'll probably be back at some point because I have things I DO enjoy here.

But for mental health I just gotta catch my breath.

This will be my pinned until I get back I guess im case anyone wonders where I went.

I'll have a queue going of a few last minute things i want on my blog but when it runs out thats it for a while until I return.

Thats all

[bellowbear]

My Random Analysis about Muteki Song Meaning (Part 1)

Part 2 Part 3

Yeah 3 parts because I'm lazy as fuck.

Warning : MANGA SPOLERS, My grammar is bad, My Japanese is also bad, don't trust my analysis perfectly, typos

Oke, soo. Let's analysis the title song first

無敵 (Muteki)

To make this short, it's literally this (I already told you guys I'm not good at grammar and Japanese right?)

Invincible; unrivaled; unrivaled

無 (mu)

From Romanjidesu (English - Japanese dictionary)

(Mu) is clearly means as :

nothing; naught; nought; nil; zero

un-; non-

Meanwhile,

敵 (teki) means as :

opponent; rival; adversary

menace; danger; threat; enemy

So, if we put together, 無敵 (muteki) means Invincible. This honestly makes sense to Sakura's character, he is invincible, he so strong that he almost becomes undefeatable. Wtf am I saying?

Btw, the kanji have another meaning, because you know... hiragana etc.

“I'm other half (fragment) like a light I'll protect you”

Back to the topic, and then we go to the first lyrics.

This can be interpreted as how Sakura sees Furin, his friends, and the people at Makochi (Furin territory). 

“I'm invincible My heart hurts so much that it breaks”

From chapter 145 Sakura says “It’s because of them… that I started wanting… to be here. It’s warm, it smells so nice. … I’ve never been to a place… where I could stand so easily before. That’s why… I wanted to protect it.”

Sakura wants to protect the fragment of light he has. But, we know that Sakura is invincible, that ‘invincible’ also makes him suffer, it also makes his heart hurt. From what we know (from the anime and the manga) Sakura is always alone before he meets Furin and the others. 

“I don’t want it, don’t come near me, even though you pretend to understand”

From my interpretation, Sakura doesn’t want to be ‘invincible’, he becomes what he is because of the past itselft. Because of the rejection he got, it broke his heart, but he tried to hide it. And so, this makes sense to the next lyrics.

Son, the anime did a good job for showing Nirei in the first part, and then Suo for the next part (I know they also show Tsugeura, but it's not the main point okay).

“I brushed away the hand you reached out because I’m a devil”

We know that Nirei always wants to be helpful for Sakura, for showing Sakura the way to the top. 

“So, at the very least, I hope that when he’s lost, or when he’s in trouble…I can help him. I… want to be helpful to him! at least a little!” Nirei to Suo at chapter 57.

Nirei and Suo may not know what Sakura's past is, but they don’t pretend to understand. They are confused, yes, but they still want to understand Sakura, and want Sakura to rely on them more.

But, to protect himself, Sakura rejected it. Because he doesn't know how to handle it. This is literally what Suo said to Nirei after visiting sick Sakura.

“If you're given something you don’t know how to use when you’re in bind… it’s just going to make things worse, right?”

“As for Sakura-kun, I don’t think he even knew about smartphones… let alone know how to use one. This also applies… to friendship too, I think.” Suo to Nirei at chapter 57.

“If you smile for me, even my unbearable past”

Sakura views himself as a ‘devil’ because of what people think he is, what people say about him, once again just because of his appearance. (Why the fuck men). Sakura refuses to admit that he can’t do this alone, he is scared of once again being rejected.

“I’ll think it’s all worthless”

“Alone, I crouched down”

“I won’t forget that you pulled out my heart”

“As long as you smile for me, I can overcome my shameful past”

At first I’m confused about what these lyrics meant, so I searched for another translation, and I found this.

“I don’t think everything is worth it”

“Alone, I crouched down”

And I go back to chapter 58, when Sakura asks Kaji how to rely more on his friends. And I found this interesting, in the manga when Sakura monologues about not supposed to care about what the others see about him. 

“I’ll never forget you pulling out my heart”

But, all of his classmates are smiling at him (minus Sugishita), they’re seeing Sakura as who he is, and accepting who Sakura is. 

Because of that, the ‘shameful or the unbearable past’ manages Sakura to overcome it, even though Sakura thinks it’s all worthless (because once again, he still ‘scared for no reason’ just like what Kaji said to him).

“... not a single one of them… chose… to reject you.” Kaji to Sakura at chapter 59.

(God damn… I’m very happy for this boy :’’’))

So, when he ‘crouched down alone’ in the darkness, he could never forget everyone who ‘pulled out his heart’. This literally means Sakura who is always alone, scared of being rejected, scared to accept everyone, scared for seeing who they’re, but now he finally can jump out from the tightrope.

Anyway... end of part 1

I want to eat my oranges now

Bye :)

[tarudce22]

I think i know what my dream job is now.....

It’s for things not to change how they currently are. Me staying a dependent under dad while i cook and clean the house for him, while get to do a garden every year, I get free time to do art and play games and explore hobbies every so often. I get to spend his days off with him. Get to be around my twin. I just get to exist........

I just want to spend my time with my family.....

[tamagotchikgs]

ever since i was a kid i knew i should get lip fillers or a lip lift or something && i am still so in need of it i detest my lips n the general way my mouth moves so much but then even the thought of having 2 go for that feels so embarrassing because like. theyre gonna take one look at me n be like OH Boy. there is so much work 2 be done here. u are so hideous and this is the only thing you're doing ...?

[kleptonancydrew]

Things I did to prepare for Key:

brought my laptop to work

put on a movie for one of my classes so I could download the game

-movie was rated R, there were so many tits in my classroom, absolute fuckup

made another class watch a video on youtube and reflect on it, told them I was grading videos from seniors

-put in headphones and started playing the game while 'teaching'

continued playing the game while one of my classes was testing

-pretty sure someone cheated, did not have capacity to care - had already caught someone that morning, didn't want to go through the process again

-lied to them about grading senior papers too

breakfast for dinner

gave my next day's first, third, and fifth periods to a coworker (I didn't have 2nd or 3rd)

fell asleep at work today

(continued to let my class watch the rated R movie so I could actually grade the papers I was supposedly grading before)

[ronanlynchbf]

hell day today and i'm only two hours into my EIGHT HOUR SHIFT

[allhappyandgay]

*gives someone one tiny peek behind the curtain that is my internal world without elaborating*

my avpd brain: I FUCKED UP I FUCKED UP I FUCKED UP THIS WASNT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN LIKE THIS *had 0 plans on it happening at all let alone any other way*

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else

[bunnihearted]

.

[skitskatdacat63]

Not be screaming Insanely to you about strollonso again but I have thots. Thinkings. And yeah.

So like I love how everyone expected them to not get well w each other yk like people THOUGHT they would be on each others throats, and nando would commit warcrimes against lance etc etc(Especially after last years Austin incident yeahh....)WHILE they were actually ALREADY on good terms in 2021(the recent gifs that showed lance being like a teenager w crush ykyky)(plus I do remember photos of them interacting just casually) and before that yk when nando congratulated lance on his first podium in baku(which I'll never get out of my head gladly)

And like NOW they are also so well w each other ESPECIALLY now that they are teammates. And its NICE and they are COMFY plus WHAT HAPPENED IM BAHRAIN OFC. And now wih nando casually making lance photos..they are so comfortable. Like aughh.

Thats all I guess please add anything you have in mind aswell 😭😭

Well I think it's funny because, as you mentioned, one of the only pre-2023 moments of strollonso I remember distinctly is when they had the collision during the US gp 😭 and I feel like everyone saw that and were like "oh god Nando is gonna kill him when they're teammates", and then a similar situation kinda happened again at the very first gp when Lance hit the back of Nando but when Nando found out, he's just like "okay :)"

I wonder though sometimes what they'd be like if the AMR23 was like the prev one. Because I do think Nando does actually like Lance, but also I don't think you can deny that Nando's podiums are indeed a buffer. Kinda like him being like "anything you can do to me is literally nothing because I have a great car and I'm doing better than I have in years", like bro is on top of the world after so long, and it feels like he's gotten a second wind where nothing can really touch him or bother him.

I hate how everyone uses that "Lance is the owner's son, so of course Fernando will treat him nicely" argument. Like yeah that's a factor, but I feel like I see it more as Nando appreciating Lance bcs he factors into why Nando has a good car and a good team in the first place. I think tho my fav strollonso plot line is Nando being like "ugh ill put up w him I guess", but then he ends up having such a good car and finds out in the process that Lance is more than he ever considered(like in this fic ) And also the narrative of Nando being a very different, supportive teammate as compared to most other Lance has had. I like that they probably came into being teammates with certain assumptions, but now look at how comfy they are with each other!! Enough to tease each other is such public ways, like Lance saying certain things in interviews and Nando with his socmed. It's very fun!

BUT YEAH OH MY GOD THAT CLIP OF THEM WITH LANCE BEING SO TOUCHY AND SHOVEY WITH HIM!!!! people need to look back at older clips like that and the others you mentioned before they make assumptions about why they are the way they are >:(

[manwithoutaspleen]

god damn the worst part of being disabled is how hard it makes taking care of my cats like. i know i need to play with al more so i was throwing around some springs for him and he was interacting and it was so cute and then i got that fucking. im gonna pass out feeling. and like i always sit down so i’ve never actually passed out so of course i feel like im faking but i took my heart rate and it was in fact over 120bpm and its like. fuck man i wish my body would just let me play with my cat!

[nuclearnyx]

people who don't use the tags to be sad and vent are so powerful lmao couldn't be me