#i want to get out of this nd make a life for myself but idk how

[bunnihearted]

📓🕯️🐇🖤pt.2

[okcoolthanks]

Garlic powder is actually the best spice dude

[s-ccaam-era-crepe]

the gall of some people- wait what’s a better word for gall I don’t like that one

[maplesyrupsainz]

˖⁺｡˚⋆˙clues | MV1˖⁺｡˚⋆˙

pairing: max verstappen x singer!reader y/n (she/her)

genre: social media au

warnings: fluff af

summary: in which you and your boyfriend lay out clues for your fans to connect the dots of your new relationship

a/n: super cute req not a maisie fan myself but saw the soft launch pics nd immediately thought i need to make a fanfic of this 😝 ended up choosing max coz i feel like i've done slightly similar plots with oscar & lando before, i barely write for max !

request!!!: Hiii, I’ve never requested before so slightly nervous but I have idea lol. Idk if you know who Maisie peters is (amazing singer btw if you don’t know her go look her up!) but she recently just high key hard launched but covers the face of her bf, maybe you could do something like this for like max, Lando or Oscar 🤷‍♀️ I have been literally day dreaming about it and maybe like everyone’s trying to figure out who it is and with every picture that’s posted there’s clues idk!! Completely up to you! Anyway love your work 🫶🫶🫶

fc: maisie peters

my masterlist

instagram ->

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, oliviarodrigo, and 892,283 others

yourusername ‘there it goes’ is urs now.. i hope u love it as much as i do 🫶

view all 11,822 comments

user1 the love we had was eating me whole i had to send it home 🥺

user2 i threw a party he kissed me right in front of my friends ?!? 🤔

oliviarodrigo so amazing as always 🫶

yourusername ahh tysm angel!!!

yourbff SO PROUD OF U

yourusername love u so so much

user3 omg this song is so amazing im so happy she's moving on from her ex

user4 me too she deserves the world fr

user5 the way i loved u i will not be embarrassed of that ❤️

user6 she's so talented i love her fr

maxverstappen1 posted a story

liked by danielricciardo, yourbff, and 538,192 others

user7 OMG THE CROSSOVER

user8 wtf is max in london

user9 omg what is happeninggg

user10 feels sus

twitter ->

instagram ->

yourusername posted a story

liked by yourbff, maxverstappen1, and 718,634 others

user15 omg a bf ??

user16 OMG WHO IS HE

user17 boooo & we all wanted her to date max lol

user18 she alr has a man 😭

user19 max verstappen found d3@d

yourbff

liked by yourusername, gracieabrams, and 528,028 others

yourbff perks of ur best friend being famous xoxo

tagged: yourusername

view all 4,283 comments

user20 not y/bff/n being a red bull supporter!!!

user21 another win for the maxy/n agenda

user22 obsessed with the y/n f1 crossover

yourusername car go zoom or whatever

yourbff ikr my favourite part was when they drove fast

gracieabrams tell y/n to get off the paddock & into the studio!!

yourbff i'll let you tell her that 😝

yourusername 🤨

user23 you tell her gracie

user24 y/n looks sooo cute

user25 ikr max verstappen found crying in the rb garage

yourusername

liked by yourbff, redbullracing, and 991,367 others

yourusername gives u wings 🪽

tagged: yourbff

view all 13,892 comments

user26 omg the red bull references...

user27 IS SHE DATING MAX VERSTAPPEN I NEED TO KNOW

user28 so many clues

user29 maybe they're jus friends? they've never even been seen interacting

redbullracing 🫶

liked by yourusername

user30 something is happening

yourbff hehe 👀

user31 EVEN THIS IS SUSPICIOUS

user32 i feel like her first soft launch was too early for it to be max

twitter ->

interview ->

instagram ->

yourusername

liked by sabrinacarpenter, charles_leclerc, and 1,692,901 others

yourusername a crush? no well i would take him on a date if he wanted

view all 18,736 comments

user35 ok im convinced

user36 this is so cute i could cry

user37 NOT HER QUOTING MAX IM FINISHED

user38 they're dating surely

user39 "reasons i love you" omg😭😭😭😭

user40 CHARLES IN THE LIKES?

yourbff favs

liked by yourusername

twitter ->

instagram ->

maxverstappen1

liked by yourusername, landonorris, and 1,021,732 others

maxverstappen1 the best tour guide 🇬🇧

tagged: yourusername

view all 14,827 comments

user42 omg

user43 this is life changing

user44 IM SO SHOCKED

yourusername ❤️❤️

liked by maxverstappen1

user45 AHHH

yourbff finally

maxverstappen1 🤫

user46 can't believe my fav singer is dating my fav driver

user47 & who was it that said only hot girls support rb 😝

charles_leclerc my favourites

maxverstappen1 ❤️

twitter ->

instagram ->

yourusername

liked by danielricciardo, maxverstappen1, and 1,927,183 others

yourusername my life my heart my love

tagged: maxverstappen1

view all 23,103 comments

user51 this relationship might be the best thing to ever happen to me

user52 daniel ricciardo in the likes we won fr

user53 i love u y/n

user54 y/n love songs about max incoming

charles_leclerc we love having you around y/n !

yourusername ahhh tysm for being so welcoming

user55 OMGGG LOVEEEE

danielricciardo slay y/n

yourusername yupppp u know ittt

user56 FRIENDSHIP?!?!??

yourusername of course we're friends i have to earn the approval of all of max's boyfriends

danielricciardo HAHAHAH

maxverstappen1 🤨

maxverstappen1 i love you

yourusername i love you 🥰

THE END 💙

[ayeshascorner]

Some of my controversial opinions, scroll and fuck off if your sensitive idc

-Daddy kinks aren't weird, if you find them weird then get off of Tumblr cuz ur ass is gonna have a hard life, or ur just young.

-The teacher/student concept with Tom is hot, the age gaps are too although there's a limit, but overall it shouldn't matter as long as the reader is at least at the adult age, idk I really don't care as long as the fic is good

-The usage of "y/n" makes my face contort nd makes me wanna actually fucking die sometimes (MY OPINION, it reminds me of those tiktok POVs 💀)

-Sw in fanfic is okay, I genuinely dont see a problem with it, supporting it is okay unless its romancing SA or r-word and promoting it in any way (Which it isn't so idk who's ass ppl pulled that out of, u gotta make bank some way) <3

-Rough sex in fanfics doesnt= non con (I think everyone knew this already just making sure cuz some bitches r dumb)

-If yall want these toll bitches to go away PLEASE I fucking BEG PLEASE stop mentioning them cuz that motivates them, they are petty as fuck. (ion support toll y'all so dont start- cuz I WILL drag your ass if a get accusations 😻😻 I'm not a weird bitch!)

-When someone posts something u dont like, just scroll, no one actually cares about your comments unless its support, like genuinely shut the fuck up, ESPECIALLY if its at the fic writers, they are giving it to YOU not themselves.

-I feel like some of the ppl complaining about the kid problem on here are kids themselves, I mean.. I can tell some of y'all aren't 17+ nd thats fine unless yk what ur getting urself into..

-If your a little sensitive ass snowflake then Tumblr genuinely isn't the place for you (I've said this multiple times nd ill repeat myself even more)

-"He's a full-grown man with a wife!" Shut ur dumbass up, stupidass hoes mad asf over small shit, like okay and? Ya' think were actually gonna fuck him?💀💀

-"🍇 isn't 🍇 if you like it" Your sick, shut the fuck up.

-"G-Guys I dont like the smut😖" Stfu and get off Tumblr.. Its obviously not the place for you 💋

-Last but not least...💀

Lets not do this, its genuinely stupid...Like why are we comparing races over a man who doesn't even know who we r? Be so fr.. Gtfo my asks if ur gonna say this 💋

[eldritch-nightmare]

hi hi !! i was wondering if you could make any creepypastas of your choice (but if you can please include toby) with a final girl reader? you know that cliche of slasher movies, thank you <3

a/n: fun fact abt me my favorite final girls r carly from house of wax and princess from laid to rest. and arkin from the collector. he is everything to me. honestly wasn't all too sure who i wanted to put in this so i just sorta chose at random?? idk maybe in the future i can use this premise for some of the others if u guys want that. this is really short nd kinda bad tho and i apologize for that. i'm trying to ease myself back into writing so tht might b why tbh

warnings: not proofread. pre-relationship?? the romance isn't really there for the most part but the obsession is, attempted murder, gn reader, reader has a younger brother in lj's part, laughing jack is probably actually his own warning i think he's kinda. kinda fucked up in this. many mentions of attempted harm to a child.

includes: ticci toby, jeff the killer, and laughing jack.

TICCI TOBY

He had been tasked to kill you. He doesn't know the reason, nor does he really care. Maybe you knew too much, or maybe Slender had other reasons. Whatever they were, you had to die.

And Toby rarely ever messed up an assignment. He never had any issues killing anyone. Sure, they typically fought back, but he'd always get them in the end. He didn't think you'd be any different.

He was rather... surprised, to put it simply, when you proved to be a challenge.

You didn't want to die, so you fought back. Hard. Honestly, it was impressive how determined you were to live. He's never really met someone like you before.

This is one of those very rare times where he's a bit glad he can't feel pain, because if he could feel the pain he gained from you fighting back, he probably would've blacked out from it.

The only reason you get away the first time is because you had stabbed him one too many times and he didn't really want to bleed out and die, thank you very much.

He still had a job to finish though, so you fighting back meant nothing to him. He was told to kill you, and that's what he planned on doing.

It didn't matter how long it took. Though, as time went on, Toby couldn't help but find himself wondering what he would do with himself when he actually killed you.

He's never found any joy in hunting someone down, but he finds himself strangely excited when it comes to you. It's the first time he's ever felt this way for someone he was meant to murder.

He doesn't really want to let that excitement go just yet, and maybe he's delusional but it almost seemed as if you were having fun with these little life-or-death chases you two had.

Maybe he lets you get away a few times. You would've been dead a long time ago if he hadn't found you interesting.

And who knows... maybe he can convince Slender that you're a worthy candidate to be a proxy... that way, he won't have to kill you.

JEFF THE KILLER

Absolutely thrilled at the idea.

Jeff is a big fan of horror movies, and he's always dreamed of having some final girl type of person that he could never kill.

Key word. He dreamed of it. He's not a big fan of it when it actually finally happens, not at first.

You were annoying, always somehow dodging his knife and managing to fight back against him long enough to make your escape.

Now, normally, Jeff would've just dropped you and gone on with his killing spree. He didn't have to kill you, and it's not like he's scared of you going to the police. He's already on the FBI's most wanted, trust me, he couldn't care less.

But there was a thrill that went through him whenever he got close to killing you. Each time he's able to cut you, he feels his heart pound in his chest.

It reminds him of when he first started killing, and that feeling was becoming addictive.

He didn't even realize how obsessed he had become with killing you until he actually got the chance to kill you. He had you cornered, and there was nowhere for you to go.

He could've ended it right then and there, but he hesitated. Jeff the fucking killer hesitated to actually kill someone. What the fuck? That made no sense.

The hesitation was enough that it gave you a chance to get away, leaving Jeff alone to ponder why he had hesitated.

And during that time, he left you alone.

But trust me, once he finally figures out why he hesitated, he'll be back. You can't escape him.

LAUGHING JACK

Hates it and hates you. Your little brother was supposed to be an easy kill. He had been so desperate for a friend, neglected by his parents, that he was eager to let Jack into his life.

But then you had to come home for the holidays, and suddenly it was hard to get the brat alone without you being around. The only time he could torment your brother was when everyone else in the house was asleep.

When your little brother went to you crying about how his friend Jack was being mean, telling him horrible things, you weren't supposed to fucking believe the kid. You were supposed to be like the others, brushing off the kid's concerns and sending him back to bed.

But you didn't. You believed your brother, and now you can fucking see him, and he hated it. Oh, he wanted to kill your little brother so badly, but he wanted to kill you more for ruining all the fun.

All of the torment on your little brother stops, and instead he starts tormenting you instead. His ultimate goal was to get you to kill your little brother. It would be a satisfying thing for him to see. And maybe even poetic. You're trying so hard to protect him, and you end up being the one to kill him... that would be nice.

But you don't make it easy for him.

Seeing your fear was entertaining, especially when he was able to strike at your insecurities. At some point, he found that he didn't mind how long this little plan of his would take. He just wanted to see what made you cry. What scared you? What had you reeling away in disgust? What made you laugh?

Okay, that last one confuses him and he does not at all want to know what makes you laugh. No. No he does not.

Sometimes, he doesn't even torment you. He just silently watches you, which you find to be arguably worse than him actually trying to cause you harm.

It felt like he was studying you whenever he did that, and you hated it.

And Jack finds himself struggling to hate you the longer this takes. You've become interesting. He finds himself looking forward to seeing you, and he finds himself admiring you whenever you end up smiling when he's around.

Though, that's not something he's quite ready to admit yet.

[blommp717]

could you maybe explain the whole "dropping the desire" thing a bit more closely? cus idk but whenever i hear people saying to drop the desire, it makes me feel like i have to give up everything i "want" and accept this shitty life i have. like i just don't understand. what do i even do when i have nothing to "manifest"? when i have desires, i can tell myself that everything's okay because im gonna be outta here soon (and living my best life having all my desires) but with nd, i don't quite get what the "end goal" is. hope this doesn't sound stupid, it's just that i've been in the manifestation community since 2016 now, having desires every single day and looking forward to finally manifesting them (which never happened btw), so suddenly just dropping them feels so strange to me. it's already so late where i live and i'm tired so this probably doesn't make a lot of sense, but i still hope you can tell what i'm trying to ask😵‍💫

Hello there 🫶☀️🪷 don’t ever feel bad for

Alrighty I can feel that this is gonna be a longer answer so I hope you’re ready.

Firstly, believe me or not but I know exactly what you’re going through, I’m sure allot of people do.

So firstly let’s this out of the way, why do I keep saying there is no manifestation? To understand that, we also have to understand ND. Let’s break it down first from what ND is and what it states, then you’ll automatically get the answer to why manifesting is not real and the reality of the situation is 100x better in my opinion.

Nonduality is the understanding that there is, well, no duality, no separation in any of “this”. Everything is included in this, thoughts, ideas, the world, people, feelings, events, food, cars, money, desire, you, sense of self, all of it. All of existence is just one, all the same. And this is what you are, dissolving labels and everything, we can realize there is no point where you end and the entire universe begins. Without labels, nothing is named, nothing is decided as yes or no or good or bad, it all just is, a nameless is-ness. You are this infinite presence, nameless, timeless, formless, appearing as everything. No-thing appearing as something. A hollow appearance at that but regardless, an appearance.

And if you are everything, if it’s all just one, and this is what we are, then everything is just what we appear as. So the realization of “$100” is the experience of it. There is nothing to do, there is nothing to achieve because it’s all you and the realization or awareness of this idea is the experience. It doesn’t matter how you feel so you can cry, get mad and do whatever you want because it doesn’t change the nature of what you are, this “ “ nameless thing you are remains untouched. There’s no worrying about the what ifs or time delays because again, this is what you appear as by realizing it.

You say your “manifestation” never happened, and I think it’s time to be clear with yourself (as I have done this many times before). Are you affirming and visualizing to change or get something, or as a means to remind yourself of what is yours. And affirmation does not get you anything, it’s what it means to you in terms of identity that matters.

I could look at a rock and rub it 3 times, and because to me it means I’m going to get a free coffee, it’s instantly true.

You can make anything mean you have what you want, you don’t just make the rules your are the rules. This whole idea of dropping is also just a way for people to not worry about their desire. Personally I do what I want. I’m everything, If I feel like thinking about it cus it makes me happy I will, but if I’m thinking about it in a “I need to affirm to get this” kind of way, ima just stop, remember that this is not a technique but a reminder of what naturally we exist as.

You never have to give up on what you like because this life is meant to be cherished and enjoyed.

There’s no reason to live a life that makes you unhappy, your literally god, god is all, you are everything. You. Got. This. Don’t make it a process, don’t make it a journey, and most definitely don’t thing ND is a technique to manifest. There is no manifesting, only being, so this isn’t something you turn off and on. I hope this helped, I myself have been pretty sleepy so I hope this made sense 😭🤭🫶☀️🪷🌚🌝

[itsaspectrumcomic]

hi im really sorry to bother you, and obvs you dont need to answer this at all im just some internet guy lol but do you think i could get some advice?

so ive been diagnosed with autism for like, 5 years (was diagnosed p late, in comparison to others) and im beginning to have some real goddamn big suspicions that i Also have adhd (because. yaknow. the gift that keeps on giving yk? lol). i have a lot of really major issues with executive dysfunction that is directly impacting schoolwork and also a lot of stuff in my life, generally. ive also got a lot of memory issues nd junk

and the thing is; ive got a therapist, but due to a whole slew of things im really scared to like, bring this up with her yk? and, like, im a minor so i cant exactly just seek it out myself yk? and i cant really talk to my parents about it because my mom is a very specific kind of vaguely ableist and my dad generally just isnt involved with that whole section of my being, yk? like, he doesnt manage any of my therapy, aside from bringing me to appointments when my mother isnt available.

and like, ive brought certain things UP to my therapist before and it went mostly ok, aside from one pretty distressing misunderstanding but it feels different for this one because i really do need medication for this, i feel. and thats a whole thing with my mother specifically, since at the start of the whole diagnosis process she outright refused the idea of medication and like. idk man, im so super sorry to write a whole bullshit essay when you're literally just vibing but yk. idk who else to ask lol, and you seem like you know what youre doing i guess?

real sorry. thanks in advance. insert other applicable signoff message here

I'm sorry you're struggling with this. Your therapist should be someone you can talk to about things like this but I understand being anxious about it. Are you afraid to bring it up because she's said ableist/anti-adhd stuff in the past or you have reason to suspect she won't help? If that's the case I really recommend trying to get a different therapist if you can. You deserve a therapist you feel safe sharing things like this with.

If it's impacting schoolwork it might be worth talking to your teachers to see if there's any additional support you can get from them. You don't have to tell them you suspect ADHD if you don't want to, you can just tell them you've been struggling with certain aspects of school and hopefully they can help. School is hard for lots of people so know you're not alone.

It might be different where you live, but in the UK you're able to make your own doctors appointments if you're over 16 so asking a doctor about getting a referral for a diagnosis/medication could be an option as well. Although waiting lists for that are incredibly long at the moment - I've personally been waiting nearly a year just to get an appointment 🙃

In the meantime, have you heard of How to ADHD on YouTube? Her channel has lots of videos with advice and various discussions about living with ADHD which you might find helpful.

Sorry I don't know if that helped much but I hope you're able to get support soon!

[andreas-river]

hi, kinda new to ur blog, the moment i saw konig i knew i had to turn back to request smthing from you, i hope u dnt mind! can i request konig having a badass lover ( y/n's gender can be anything lol) where y/n is into some cool hobbies, like collecting katana's nd is proficient at it, y/n also doing racing (idk much boyt cars spec race car brands lmao) and prolly my fav of all, y/n collecting diff types of lighters. Im sorry if its not tht detailed lol. Have a good day!

König X GN!Reader

A/N: Hi, thanks for your request, I loved writing this one, also because I can see myself in it a lot (I'm a motorcycle lover myself). I really hope I met your expectations, and thanks again!

Disclaimer: I do not own any MW characters. English is not my native language.

Warnings: a bit of fluff, swearing, slight mention of anxiety.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

It was a matter of fact that everyone was shorter than König, yet it didn’t stop you to show everyone else that even if you had a boyfriend who was double the size of you, somehow you ended up being more badass than him. It was probably his anxiety, or his insecurities that were speaking for himself- even though you were always reminding him that you were no better than him, ending up always being the one admiring him.

You will always remember the first time he came to your house, after waiting for him for entire months- because of his military life, and showing him your garage, or better said, your sanctuary.

You hold your breath- and a laugh when his blue eyes widened in complete shock, his lips slightly parted observing the collection of cars on the left side, and of motorcycles on his right. You swear you were able to see his eyes brighten up, like a child in front of his ice cream.

"Here," you said, indicating the first line of cars, "they are all American. Ford Mustang Boss 203, of 1969. My favorite one."

König nodded while staring at you in awe, explaining and naming all the cars one by one, and doing the same thing with all the motorbikes, following you even if he forgets half of the things you said.

"Scheiße!"

You almost fell off the stairs at hearing König swearing out loud, followed by a thump. Running to the garage, you found him on the floor, massaging his own back and muttering something else in his mother language.

"Are you okay?" you asked while getting closer and lowering yourself to his height, scanning his body in search of any injuries.

"The floor was slippery.." he sigh, slowly rising to his feet. "And I can’t find the problem in this damn car."

"Can you try turning it on?"

He nods, observing him while he gets in the car, the sound coming from it makes it easy to understand the problem.

"Battery’s dead."

He stares at you in disbelief, then watches the black box you were pointing to.

"This one..." he almost whispers, slightly stuttering. "Is the problem? How?"

"The car does not turn on, nor do the headlights... if you check the light in the dashboard it will be on, y’know?"

"Heilige scheiße..." he mutters to himself again, a shocked yet amused expression on his face.

He was beyond shocked: your confidence made his heart racing, a sense of proudness filling his chest, slowly walking and towering above you, yet you were standing still, your arms crossed to your chest and a smile on your face.

"You want somethin’, big guy?" you tease him a little, knowing how flustered he gets when you call him like that.

He doesn’t answer, he just takes you by the back of your neck, his lips crushing over you passionately, his other arms getting around your waist making your bodies stick to each other.

He chuckles, a grin forming on his lips with his eyes veiled with desire.

"I’m just learning from the best."

[dungeonmeshi-confessions]

i love laios a lot. his entire story is incredibly relatable to me as an autistic person and he gen holds a very special place in my heart nd has made me come to realisations/make peace with things about myself. kabru is so interesting i love thinking about him, his background and what he’ll do after canon. i think it’s so heartwarming that he gets to contribute to the creation of a new country and keep all sorts of people safe. i think he’s transgender because i’m transgender and i like it for him, and those little tidbits in his story just make it fit nicely. mithrun’s storyline brought me to tears when i first read, i didn’t expect to like him as much as i did but it really pulled the rug out from under me and i was so happy when senshi cheered him up, i want him to be happy for ever. i like lskb because they remind me of myself and my partner who i love lots and lots and i like content that centres around both of them because i love them both. i also think they just fit together sweetly but i’d have to talk a lot more to explain all of that. they’re both endlessly interesting to think about. kbms is nice but not my thing, idk why but that’s just how personal preferences work. i love their platonic dynamic and what they mean to eachother though. i love that their stories are intertwined and kabru helps mithrun regain the ability to desire and build a new beautiful life because he wants to; not out of obligation, kabru just wanted to help. i think they’re quite similar, sort of parallels but again i’d have to write a lot more about that. all this is to say i have no enemies peace and love on planet earth i think we should all stop fighting and hold hands. this is all a hobby after all. let’s focus on having fun

i was drained after scrolling through this blog for five minutes so i hope you’re doing ok, lots of love to you and no one will blame you if you want to take a break ever ^_^ sorry for the yapfest.

.

[bunnihearted]

❄️🐇❕

[angelgendered]

Woo! I'm gonna book my train tickets for the meet up on Monday, put away half of the hotel room cost and some spending money, then when I get my PIP I'm gonna say fuck it and spend it all on going away for a couple days cos I deserve it and life is summarily far too short to not do these kick ass things.

I just. I haven't ever really had friends except for my two close buddies irl. So this is a big thing for me. I don't 'do' social stuff cos people judge me on how I look or talk or the fact I need a wheelchair snd have messed up teeth but yknow. I feel safer in this fandom. Idk if it's the fact that we glorify the imperfect here, or because a lot of us are more mature or older, or because yall are just examples of good folks, but I feel safer in the gomens fandom than I have in any fandom for a long long time.

I feel like yall are so much less judgy and looks obsessed if that makes sense? And everyone's just so nice on the gender front too - I feel like I can hang out with some of you irl and not get the misgendering and deadnaming I get daily and that means a lot to me tbh. So yeah. Excited is an understatement!

It means Christmas will be small this year along with me going to see dt in hamlet on my birthday but... I'd rather start spending my money on myself Nd making ME happy finally than gifts for Xmas which no one really wants and that sit unused or get gifted on to someone else (no really, my mum does this a lot with 'unwanted' gifts even from close family)

This year is the year I assert some fucking boundaries in my life and start attempting to have the social life I missed out on in my teens and 20s because I was constantly suicidal and depressed. It's left me nearly friendless but things are looking up in that regard and it's all because of this silly little fandom. ♡

[toxycodone]

i understand its all joaks and its lighthearted out of love for this character but it is a little sad to see things like laios being a minimum wage worker and having no friends being described as him being a loser when theyre extremely common autistic experiences 💔 because to be honest i think youre really cool and a great writer and i would like to interact more but it makes me go, is that what you would think of me? my life situation’s not too different from that. anyways i hope you have a nice day <3

no not at all I genuinely like being mean to Laios so take everything I say about him with the world's biggest effing grain of salt because I am just. mean to him in particular lol. i like to kick him when he's down. (evil and mean but to blonde men in particular)

but like. i am not cool at all. like...........ill put it under the cut but yeah.

real shit under the cut bc this ask is making me think! im gonna be real w u nonnie

tl:dr if u dont wanna see whats under the cut:

this ask kinda makes me think bc. i think im really mean to laios too bc he reminds me of myself beforehand (zero self confidence and suicidal idealization) sigh and I really hate being reminded of that. so. again. im really biased when it comes to him specifically and that doesn't apply to you or any of my followers.

and for what its worth i am sorry for making you feel that way.

but also. i gotta say I can 100% relate to him and you. this time last year I was working at Starbucks ( i could only tolerate 4 hour shifts bc i would get overstimulated and my coworkers lowkey hated me.) and had like. 1 friend from high school and the years before that I spent turbo online being constantly pushed out of friend groups bc i could NEVER get anything right socially. I swear the first 23 years of my life I never lived. i went thru hs and college as a fucking. like. creature I felt like i couldnt connect w anyone because I was too tormented by adhd + autism and i was INSANELY depressed and coping w lack of control by having an eating disorder and being doped the fuck up on stimulants. (MY PCP gave me 56 mg of concerta and 5mg booster of adderall i was fucking tweaking on the daily </3)

but like. i started going to therapy and a psychiatrist who made me quit cold turkey for my own good and we started treating my depression and debilitating anxiety (i was convinced a stranger was living in my house in secret but also that everyone in public who saw me was revolted by me and genuinely wanted me to kill myself jkdhsfskdjh i told you i was tweaking)

anyways. i was a druggie with no goal in life and living in my own head and now like. i can look at myself in the mirror and not think "hey. this fat ugly piece of shit should genuinely die" and now people in real life LIKE me. I have friends. multiple friend groups, actually. WITH NOT JUST ND PEOPLE. LIKE, A LOT OF THEM ARE NEUROTYPICAL. And i am very open about being autistic with them and i dont have to mask.

and they still like me! and invite me places! and genuinely want to hang out with me! and they think im smart and get uncomfortable when I say im stupid or too autistic to like. be able to be in public.

it still feels like a dream and in my mind im like "they actually are gonna drop you and make fun of you for thinking they were ever your friends" or like "theyre just doing this bc of the stupid buddy system shit or they think you're a pet this is highschool all over again"

but even tho im haunted by this. its....I can say with confidence its not true.

anyways. i know people say this shit all the time but I will say you are very capable of love and not a loser or anything like that. the thing you're missing out on is the right people. i didnt believe this for most of my life and tried to get myself killed because of it but im glad I didn't because it is genuinely true.

i have spent the last <1 year of my life genuinely being alive. and i wouldn't trade it for anything. idk if thats a sign for anyone yeah. take it

[loser-female]

Hi! This is my space. If you are curious on the subject of radical feminism this post is for you.

Few things:

Kindfem (here on nice vs kind);

Bi-focused and disability/ND focused;

Anti-individualist,

Anti-black and white thinking,

Politically a socialist,

The job of a SOC Analyst.

About mental illness and excuses (one day I I'll make an actual essay about this, currently be happy with this version)

Ask policy:

I'm going to donate 5€ to a feminist organisation for every hate anon regarding me being a "terf" or something;

I'm going to donate 5€ to a DV organisation specifically for every hate anon, comment or reblog about me being in a relationship with a man

And you still won't get an answer! Ask yourself if it's worth it.

I will do my best to catalogue and keep this space organised. Most of my tags are organisational, they are placed to help myself and others finding the stuff they need to find.

1. What's radical feminism? ->Tag full of resources to explore on radical feminism.

-> here is a non-radfem article about choice feminism and why is bad.

-> another article on why choice feminism is bad, from a Black woman perspective

If you are curious about doing some feminism in your life I have the how to be a feminist tag.

2. Relationships tag -> This is compiled mostly for women who have relationship with men and want to lower their risk.

Here are my favourite non-radfem things, resources and opinions on the subject;

-> Zawn is a brilliant writer that tackle the inequalities in marriage and motherood. She is very active on substack and has a lot of resources for women in a long term relationship with men.

-> You should have asked is a comic about the mental load of work women have to do in a relationship with men.

-> She divorced me because I left dishes by the sink is a blog post made by a man for men that explains how this little non-action lead ultimately to his divorce.

-> Fair play is a method to address domestic inequality few people I know swear by.

-> Duluth model on abuse. Please read that carefully before dismissing it.

In the relationship tag there is also criticism on how this could work or not.

I now have a female separatism tag!

-> Some reflection on separatism and power

3. Tag Cloud! (hopefully)

-> self explanatory tags dedicated to these subjects.

4. How to connect to others? -> @nansheonearth her blog is full of resources of where to find others, Discord servers, how to visit womyn's land resources, IRL meetings and separatism in general. Check her out!

@rad-fem-zine with my own contributions:

-> my mom's story (medical misogyny)

-> Cybersecurity guide for cyberfems

5.My favourite essays.

-> I'm not here to make friends

-> The Ethical Prude

-> How to grow the fuck up, a guide to humans

-> The Gentrification of Disability (it explains how the neurodivergent movement is failing ADHD and autistic people, thanks to )

Also: I sometimes reblog things I don't agree with but I consider worthy of consideration regardless.

6. Still missing from this post:

Stuff over female separatism and how to practice it IRL to various degrees.

The actual tag cloud (Tumblr doesn't allow me to use js on the blog and god I'm going to beg the staff but idk)

Send me a message/ask if:

Want to know stuff about cybersecurity!

Have recommendations for this post.

[scarletanpan]

.

Ik I should shut up soon but yo. Im.. growing eyebrows?? Did my second t shot monday and after the first one istg it seemed like there were more hairs there but. Its darker they're actually starting to fill in this is insane!! they've been stuck at 50% opacity since birth, realized this yr it's bc I have fuckin ezcema on them, but I got middle school bullied impressively hard abt it so it's like my worst dumb insecurity and. T is just out here fixing it??? Uve gotta be kidding me I'm way too excited I keep checking like a fuckin idiot, and im growing baby hairs too?? Wtf did ezcema take my fuckin hairline no wonder i have a big ass forehead, and now I can do my edges! And my voice hasn't started changing super much but I did notice. I'm starting to get a normal chest voice my voice doesn't strain if I talk w any bass at a normal tone what.. like nobody say shit to me actually this is exactly what I wanted and needed in life I'm so glad I just fuckin Did it damn, trying not to feel things but.. Like sorry esp as blk person this is insanely affirming to me . This is a me specific issue being like nd and going to majority nonblk schools most of my life, GA has been slowly healing my psyche but stuff like hair issues and a deeper voice idk it makes me feel so much more like myself being trans is actually the coolest thing on the planet like idk man yipee

[yooniesim]

tw: death mention, cancer mention, oversharing, long-winded self-reflection, far too many paragraphs

The strides I have made with my temper in the past year... real talk... I'm proud. It's been hard to manage myself and keep from popping off but I've been making a lot of progress removing myself from situations that get me heated, irl or online, and I'm happy about that. It doesn't remove my feelings or the damage I've caused with my anger in the past but I feel like I'm making real progress. Even though my depression and overall mental health varies, I feel like temper wise I'm in a lot better place than I was a year ago. I've been staying away from people irl that fed into my anger by being neglectful or abusive to me, and tried my best to work on my own actions at the same time.

I'm also proud of where I'm at with my blog comparatively. I've been working hard to focus on the good things and what makes me and others happy, rather than falling into a pit of negativity. I feel like I can still express myself from time to time, while also being better able to know what is appropriate to say and when. Idk if this is just especially ND of me but I feel as if I had the belief that as long as I felt whatever I was saying was the truth, it was appropriate, and that the negativity wouldn't get to me if I stayed by that metric always. But that isn't always the case, and i'm getting better at evaluating that. At realizing that, even with good intentions, getting wrapped up in all the issues of the world and all the negative discussions can be almost a form of self-harm.

Not many people know about this, but the trauma i experienced during the pandemic really affected me and changed me a lot. If you're a long time follower comparing how I was pre-2020 and after, it probably feels like I changed completely as a person, because I did. I don't speak about it a lot, especially now that it feels like the entire world has... moved on, but. Being a healthcare worker then felt like seeing your own slice of hell. Seeing that much death firsthand and being so afraid every single day, being confronted with your own mortality and that of your loved ones, it's extremely difficult. Especially since I lost a very close relative to a drawn out battle with cancer, who I was a caregiver to, as well. Between that and finally being medicated for the first time in my life, i became numb, and at the same time, I became angry. Angry at every little injustice that crossed my path. I wanted to fix something, anything- even in a silly little community for a silly little sims game. I thought, maybe, shining a light on things I saw that were wrong- scamming, doxxing, bigotry- might help. I broke myself apart trying to do that. And... for what, really? I accomplished nothing. And to this day still deal with people that boil me down to just... a hater, I guess. Too annoying for their personal tastes. As if that alone justifies some of the truly vile things that have been said and done to me, publicly and privately. That continue over a year after the fact. Even now it's difficult to think about sometimes.

I've made many mistakes here. Being an inexperienced and flat out incompetent server owner, to start. But with that, too, I've made progress. I'm so grateful for the mod team I have in Sutopia now. For the loving community that's risen from the ashes of what was once an overly negative space. For me getting a handle on my own love of petty gossip, a fatal flaw. For me learning how to ban instigating and toxic parties instead of naively giving them the benefit of the doubt. I still struggle- because as much as people might think I'm harsh, seeing as I try to put up that front as much as possible, I'm actually far too forgiving to the point of stupidity at times. I've been paralyzed by indecision in the past, not wanting to hurt anyone by mistake with the wrong call, and wound up hurting everyone involved with my inaction instead. But I know now that I have a more experienced team beside me that helps so much with these decisions and ensuring a safe place for everyone. And that's taken a weight off of me for sure.

Occasionally, still, the anger gets to me. I see someone that I know for a fact has scammed someone, or hurt someone, or flat out lied, or harassed me in anons or said something racist about me in private that they have no idea I know about- and they're just continuing on, getting love and adoration over their sims or cc or something, and it gets to me. I want to post, I want to blast everything on here and say, look! They're not what you think! Look what they did! Look who they really are! But then I breathe, and I think. Would it really help? Would it really do anything? Would I be opening myself up to be attacked and hurt for nothing? And I come to the humbling conclusion that it's not worth it. Not worth it for them to come back in a month with a new name and all their friends welcome them back like nothing happened and so simblr continues on as it always has. And I'm just a "hater" that's probably jealous of how many friends they have or how much money they make whatever other egotistical explanation they'd spout after everyone inevitably forgot what really happened. Occasionally, it makes me feel a little sick.

But, I breathe through it. I'm getting better at that. Sometimes I write something long out in the drafts- like I'm doing now- and delete it right away instead of posting it. It helps. Even though sometimes I feel guilty. I think about the anons I used to get, the people saying they were too scared to call out certain creators for certain actions because of how big they were and how much hate their followers would send, I think about the asks I still have in my inbox of screenshots and proof. About how sometimes people would thank me for saying things they couldn't bring themselves to. That I was the only person doing it. The only person who wasn't afraid. Even though I was only "unafraid" because I could barely feel anything at the time. And I don't even have that "advantage" anymore. But it weighs on me thinking that I should be trying to help them still. But how can I help anybody? I'm biased, too. I make mistakes. I've made so many mistakes. What gives me the right to say anything? Being put on that pedestal and having that responsibility on my shoulders- stupid as it was from the bigger perspective of life- hurt me, too. Because no one has the right takes every time, and having the wrong one on occasion doesn't automatically make you a terrible person. But it's extremely difficult for people on the internet to understand that. Sometimes I feel used when I remember those times. Chewed up and spat out, once the flavor wore off. And violated, not by the anons or anyone that disliked me, but by people I thought were friends. That's always the worst part to think about.

.....Until I decide it's time to leave, anyway. Then you're all going down.

It's better not to expose myself, or others, to that again. Is that growth? I don't know. I still struggle with so many emotions. The anger, and the guilt. Regret and sadness. But then, I've also felt so much joy from here, too. When I talk to people in the server, when I help people here with their cc projects/requests, when I read people's stories, when I talk to nice anons. I still love talking to anons so much, and want to have in-depth, rambling discussions with them again! I love to laugh with my mutuals and share our silly little sims together. And, god, sometimes I feel relief. Like, there's nothing for me to prove, no one for me to impress. I can do whatever I want and not worry, because well- so what if I get blocked? Or talked about? Like what else is new lol. I don't need to focus on the community. I just need to focus on me, my posts, my mutuals I already know are kind people. It's a freeing feeling. And it makes continuing to express myself here worth it. I want to concentrate on that. The positivity, the love. The creativity. The people here that warm my heart with their kindness. So I think, as we continue into December and into the New Year, and every year I'm here beyond that, that's what I'll do. Continue to grow, and share the love.