#that one's also talking about trust but a much more nuanced take on it compared to the little mermaid

[nutcasewithaknife]

Let's talk about Li Xiangyi and Control!

Thank you to @istgidek1234 for putting up with three weeks of screaming and also more-or-less co-writing this with me <3.

Short disclaimer before diving into it: This is going to be part 1 of a 3 part series, one for each of liansanjiao. It’s hard to think about control and MLC and not realise that all three are fighting to take control of their own lives. They all do it differently for different reasons but it is a crucial, defining feature for each of them. It inevitably makes their relationship with each other a delightful heartbreaking combination of understanding but also never really seeing each other. 

For now, let’s begin with our protagonist.

Li Xiangyi, wunderkind beyond compare who crashes and burns and then walks away. Li Lianhua, a man determined to bury his past self and become a whole different person, a ghost haunting its own end. And yet! Neither Li Xiangyi nor Li Lianhua can exist without trying to stay in control in any given situation. This is me trying to slot together the pieces of how and why he’s like that.

[WARNING: long, long post ahead].

As Li Xiangyi, the world makes him its Hero. He goes with it, but he has his own standards of what he as a Hero must do. He creates and leads a whole new sect, befitting this image. But it's not just a generic Really Good sect, is it? It has purpose. The Sigu Sect is built to ensure the coexistence of the Empire and the Jianghu, to ensure justice in the latter without sacrificing its independence. Li Xiangyi does something far more nuanced than the Hero Figure ever needs to do - he looks at a system that needs fixing and decides he should be the one to do it. He's taking control of the story people fit him into by making it fit his own sense of righteousness, goodness and honour.

He may be doing that through a Sect, but he makes himself the keystone. Remove him, and it all falls apart. He makes decisions on the fly without consulting the people involved (not telling Shan Gudao aka his co-sect leader and founder about the treaty) because he is sure that he knows what's best. Imagine the kind of constant control he must have needed to maintain over any situation to be able to make such an impact on the politics of this world. But he doesn't stop being the one in charge. And most people just let him, see it as his natural place, so it's all good! He is stretched thin across a dozen different responsibilities, but they can never get the better of him, because he is Li Xiangyi.

It looks like arrogance, and to an extent it is. But it’s also more. Is it his reluctance to trust the abilities of anyone else more than he trusts himself? Is it habit? He grew up being pitted against his brother as proof of his Master's worth, the love he has known has always been tangled up with this burden of expectation, which he never fell short of. He is always the best. He is adored for it. A teenager who has never known defeat before, exalted by the world! Of course he went along with it, moulded his sense of self and worth around it. He has spent far too long defining his worth by living up to the expectations of those who love him. But that sort of adoration is always fickle, always conditional. 

The thing about never losing is that you don't stop to consider what happens when you do. When the burden grows too much to stay under his control, it's because he has lost for the first time. Qiao Wanmian leaving hits him hard, I think, because he was doing so much! He was meeting every expectation of who he should be, was it still not enough to have her love? There is anger and doubt. He alone decides on the treaty with Di Feisheng. And then Shan Gudao is killed, Li Xiangyi is betrayed, and it's the last straw. Losing for the first time in such a terrible way makes him furious, at himself and at those who he thinks betrayed his trust. He doubles down. He tries to seize back the control he's lost - all by himself as always - because it's the only way he sees to fix anything. He does it when dealing with betrayal and grief and rage the likes of which he's never known. The only way to fix the grief unraveling him is to get his brother’s remains back at any cost. And it ends in a massacre of thousands.

Li Xiangyi thinks that his blunder was the arrogance in believing he could fix the world in any way. His answer is to walk away. He has caused enough harm to the world as Li Xiangyi, so he will no longer be him. He no longer can, not with this poison in his body and with how badly he's let everyone down. The poison limits his abilities and makes him terminally ill. He can no longer rely on or control his own body the way he always has been used to. Those first few years must have been awful, while he was still learning how to live in this new state. It’s no wonder he finds some peace in shaping his immediate environment, in building a new life. He cooks, gardens, has a home he builds and looks after, has Huli Jing. He also gives himself a new direction, a new purpose - to put his past to rest, to repent in the only way he can. 

Knowing is also a way of being in control. If Li Xiangyi's tool to keep control was the power and authority of the hero figure, Li Lianhua's are his lies (the biggest of which is his innocuous presence, his uselessness beyond being a physician). Li Lianhua loves to stick his nose into things and find out the truth, and he is good at it. These lies are his new weapon, stronger than the sword up his sleeve now - he uses them to stay in control of the situation. To decide who is allowed to know what. He also puts them as a shield between everyone who tries to come close, because he himself is one of the things that nobody is allowed to know.

It is while becoming Li Lianhua that the change happens - he goes from meeting every expectation to dodging even the potential of one more doggedly than ever. He must shape the rest of his life alone and make it his own and nobody else's. He will be Li Lianhua, no longer burdened by the world's expectations. Just his own. All that he expects from himself is deeply personal - find Shan Gudao's body, bury him with their shifu, and die. It is only right that he has nobody at his side - he let down every single person who had once loved him. Nobody else should bear this burden with him, because it is his and his alone.

And then come along Fang Duobing and Di Feisheng. One doesn't give a flying fuck about the lies and the other knows him well enough to see right through most of them. Fang Duobing is at first annoyingly naive, overzealous to do good (like SOMEONE used to be), then endearing, and then dangerously forgiving and caring. He is the most lethal attack to Li Lianhua's self-imposed isolation because he has no expectations, and isn't the slightest bit intimidated by Li Lianhua or Li Xiangyi (re: @potahun’s meta on lxy being a burden because he is just too good). He's the first who talks about Li Xiangyi as a person, not a legend. There's no getting rid of him, but Li Lianhua will be Li Lianhua. He lies and hides and dodges and lies again, well aware that he's hurting him each time. But he will keep doing so, because love always comes with expectations and he refuses to live up to those.

And then, enter Di Feisheng! The only one he considered trusting as an equal before it fell apart. Also the bearer of the revelation that the past is much more convoluted that Li Xiangyi knows. The past, which was the one thing Li Lianhua has seen as a permanent fixture, a mark of his failure, just got worse. He was manipulated. His Shixiong orchestrated all of this expressly for his downfall. Instead of alleviating Li Xiangyi's guilt, it makes it worse - had he been a better leader and known better, he may have avoided falling for it. Had he not been the person he was, maybe his brother wouldn't have become the man he is today either. 

And as before, the more things spiral out of control, the more Li Xiangyi doubles down. He knows better than to try and fix the world this time, he has long decided that the thing he can control is his own life, away from the legends; he needs to know what the truth is, so he can decide what his end should be. But the more he learns, the worse it gets, because his entire life - the people he was closest to, his own identity - is being reshaped. The entire goddamn story is his attempt to have some measure of control of his past, present and future - of his story - while everyone and everything is flying right in the face of it. He distances himself from the legend of Li Xiangyi so he can live as himself. He copes with the past by trying to cut it off and by taking charge of his future, but guess what! The past is a living, growing thing of the present, long out of his control - he knew nothing of Shan Gudao’s hatred. Nothing of his heritage. Nothing about the brother he'd lost. This rogue past is also twisting his present and future out of his control.

Towards the last few episodes, we dare to think he's starting to learn how to share the burden. That he might be letting Fang Duobing and Di Feisheng be a part of this, he is trusting them and himself not be alone all over again. And then! The fucking Styx flower!!!! This excellent meta by @angryteapott really explains it the best. Once again he makes a decision alone, in the name of ensuring that everyone that matters to him stays safe. He knows Fang Duobing will fight it and Di Feisheng will probably commit regicide if he gets wind of it. He doesn't even consider working out an alternative, and makes that decision for everyone's good, because he knows best and the others are better off not knowing.

He will die. So what? Di Feisheng will be forced to move on and find a purpose beyond Li Xiangyi. Fang Duobing will be heartbroken, but he is meant for better things than a life of following Li Lianhua around. He himself can no longer live a carefree life as Li Lianhua, because the world has hijacked his story once more and he barely knows what the truth behind the stories is anymore. He had a brother he lost. He is the lost prince. It was just one story after another. Is it really any surprise that being in charge becomes more necessary when all of his past has been a lie?  As @istgidek1234 put it, him throwing himself into every issue that comes his way is a way of finding his agency and taking control of his narrative. He is lost, and he doubles down. Li Xiangyi, Li Lianhua need to die and he is too tired to build another life. And so he leaves, to choose and control at least his end.

But, well. As any of the people he left behind would tell you, he doesn’t know jack shit. Li Xiangyi's mistake 10 years ago wasn't trying to fix something unfixable. It was trying to fix it all by himself. In his attempt to tie up the strings of the past, Li Lianhua makes the same awful mistake. He presumes, he keeps everyone out of the loop, he decides for everyone who loves him because he knows better. He is so arrogantly presumptuous! But isn’t it more? It’s also the fear that his very presence will hurt them again. That any attachment will come with strings that will make him into someone he is not once again. He must remain unattainable. He's so caught up in controlling his story that he tries to untangle it from everyone else's. But he can't. Leaving means they will simply carry him forever in their grief. Over and over, the story tells us that for those who really love him, losing him is the greatest pain. Over and over, Li Lianhua decides that he knows better, they will be better off without him. 

There is, of course, the more meta reading of the ending (check out @redemption-revenge's amazing post about it!). The one where Li Xiangyi is simply closing the chapter titled Li Lianhua to begin another, away from the gaze of the world and beyond the shape of this story. Maybe that’s a version where he lets himself be found by Fang Duobing and Di Feisheng. Where escaping our scrutiny allows him to be vulnerable enough to accept their companionship without too much of the lies and presumption, where he can find and make peace with himself and live. 

[hrodvitnon]

Lately, I've been noticing that people are comparing MV Godzilla to Doomguy and a cat. It's funny because there's one thing all three of them got in common: people misunderstanding them as violent and angry jerks who hate everything, when that just isn't the case at all.

It's also an unfortunate trend I've been noticing, and now Godzilla's getting mischaracterized to hell and back as a dumb, angry, and violent brute by these people after GvK and GxK, especially on Twitter. In worst cases, I've even seen them say that Godzilla shouldn't be a sympathetic character at all, and that he doesn't need to be because Kong's already there, and as everyone knows, mammals are supposedly "more" sympathetic and relatable than reptiles are. Even though these are all fictional characters at the end of the day, and if so many works can make you sympathize with dragons, non-humanoid robots, and even a literal talking tree-man, among many other non-human and non-mammalian characters, then what's stopping you from doing the same thing to a big nuke lizard?

Also, they act as if Godzilla has never been sympathetic in any of his previous movies before. As if the original Gojira movie, most Showa era movies, Return of Godzilla and Heisei era as a whole, Kiryu Saga (though that applies more to Kiryu himself), and even MV Godzilla's own solo movies and in Legacy of Monsters magically don't exist to these people.

(Apologies for the sorta rant there, but this is really disheartening to see. Even Matt Frank himself has joined in with saying that MV Godzilla is a jerkface and that's all what he should be.)

As if we need another reason to avoid the Wretched Hive of Media Illiteracy and Bad Takes! But if it's any consolation, this house/blog is a MV Godzilla Support Zone: We know why Godzilla behaves the way he does, and he's just as sympathetic as Kong is. Have I made the Doomguy comparison myself? Yes, but only in jest and in response to a meme that also compares Kong and Suko to Kratos and Atreus. (Y'know, from that franchise about a guy who gets angry and kills gods; the guy who, according to old memes, would see stale bread as grounds for deicide; there's a lot more to the guy than that, but not to anyone who thinks "Kratos having nuance is boring" and are so allergic to water that they won't even touch the surface of an iceberg video.) I know how to make a joke and have the required media literacy to understand there's more to these characters than surface-level dumbfuckery.

Godzilla is like Doomguy in the sense that he loves something soft and fluffy (Daisy/Mothra) and will go through bloody hell to save the world; they both harbor scars physical and mental. He is also like cats in that he may bite and scratch, but he is subtle in showing his trust. His story may not have the found family angle like Kong, but Godzilla is still a big grumpy lizard with soulful emotional eyes who saves the world and loves his moth wife very much. Anyone says otherwise, I've got a bridge to sell them.

(Matt Frank, you better be trolling or I will be very disappointed and not reblog any of your art for a while.)

[sokkastyles]

I'm really interested in knowing your opinion on the power dynamics between Azula and Zuko. Azula's abuse of Zuko seems far more subtle and insidious as compared to Ozai's overt abuse, so I'm really curious as to how exactly she abused him. I really appreciate that you have a nuanced grasp on the topic and I'd love to know your thoughts!

Hello!

I see that you already found this post where I talk a bit about power dynamics. In that post I address some common misconceptions, specifically about the idea that Azula can't abuse Zuko because he is older and a boy, but that's one of the things that actually marks the dynamic as abusive, because Zuko would normally have power over Azula given those things, but he doesn't. You would think he would think of himself as more powerful than Azula, but because of the way Ozai favored Azula and treated Zuko as a scapegoat, Zuko sees his younger sister as much more powerful and capable than himself. And because he's been conditioned to think this way about his sister, he's easily taken advantage of by her.

And yes, it is a lot more subtle than Ozai's abuse of Zuko, not just because it's not typically what we think of as abuse because of Azula's age and gender, but also because it's different than Ozai's overt violence towards his son. Although Azula and Zuko do fight, it's not Azula fighting Zuko or trying to capture him that makes her abusive. Not even when she announces her intention to kill him. That kind of stuff is typical for the genre, so it's not abuse.

Abuse is about power dynamics, and like I said, Azula takes advantage of the power she has over Zuko. The word "gaslighting" is thrown around a lot on this website, but that's what it is when Azula, for example, comes to Zuko deliberately lying to him about her intention to take him back home and that Ozai wants him back, mocks him for being skeptical and mistrustful at first (which he should be), until he finally agrees to trust her, then pulls the rug out from under him and mocks him for believing her. Not only is she playing on what she knows Zuko's deepest desires and insecurities are, she's deliberately playing on his doubt to make him question what's really going on, because it's easier for her to be in control if Zuko can't trust his own perception of what's going on.

Although Azula's abuse of Zuko is more subtle than Ozai burning his son's face, you can be sure that Azula learned how to pull her personal type of psychological manipulation from Ozai, too, because it's exactly what Ozai does to Zuko psychologically right before burning him, by forcing him into an agni kai that he can't possibly win, punishing him for simultaneously being "disrespectful" and for not fighting back. No wonder Zuko has a problem processing what his father did to him. Ozai deliberately messes with Zuko's perception of events to keep him under his control.

Ozai does this to Azula, too. Take, for example, when he makes her stay behind in the finale, letting her be crowned fire lord but in a way that feels like a punishment. She's his golden child, and thus better than everyone around her, but if she can't live up to that exacting standard, she has nothing to fall back on. She doesn't know why she feels empty after getting everything she seemingly wanted. She blames her mother for her unhappiness because it can't be that her father did this to her. That's what Ozai wants her to think, anyway.

We see Azula repeat these same patterns with Zuko. And although Zuko does not believe that Azula is good and justify her treatment of him the way he and Azula both do with Ozai, he does accept it because he's been conditioned to by Ozai. He occasionally tries to fight back, to argue with her, but he never wins those arguments, partly because he's been psychologically conditioned to believe he's inherently inferior to her, and partly because Azula having Ozai's favor gives her power over him. Azula knows she can say or do whatever she wants to Zuko and get away with it. In the flashbacks we see that even their mother's influence is not enough to stop her, and Azula knows that, too. We see Azula treat Zuko cruelly and then outright lie to Ursa about it on multiple occasions, we see her taunt him in front of both their parents because she knows she can get away with it, and when Ursa finally is no longer able to reach her children, Azula very explicitly taunts Zuko with the fact that Ursa is no longer there to protect him and stop her from doing whatever she wants to him. We see Zuko try to defend himself from Azula by telling himself she is lying, that she's just trying to scare him, etc., but when she asks him "who's going to stop me? Mom?" we see his face fall because he knows that he has no protection at all.

I see a lot of people dismiss this as normal sibling behavior, but you have to look at the context in which it takes place. Azula doesn't just say mean things to her brother, she says things that she knows Zuko can't counter against because she has Ozai's blessing - and in fact, his encouragement - to treat him cruelly, and Zuko was raised in an environment where he was told he deserved this treatment. And again, she repeatedly utilizes this power dynamic to make Zuko doubt his perceptions. Which is why I push so hard back against the idea that she was just trying to "protect" him in book three when she holds her lie to Ozai about him killing the Avatar over him and tells him he should be grateful about it, or that she's just trying to protect him by warning him to stay away from Iroh (who actually IS trying to protect him), or that the scene where she belittles him for daring to question the FN propaganda which they were taught growing up is a "nice sibling bonding moment." None of these are nice moments. They are moments of abuse and Azula is complicit in keeping Zuko in a situation that is abusive and keeps telling him he should be grateful to her for it, while constantly belittling him at the same time, which reinforces the idea that he should be grateful because he doesn't deserve or know better. But he does, and he's right. He's right to question the things she says. He's right not to trust her, and he's right to fight back, when he starts to gain the confidence and perspective as the series goes on to be able to do so, and he doesn't owe her for "defending" him to Ozai when she brought him to Ozai in the first place, knowing what their father did to him before. It's not help if you're the reason the situation exists in the first place, but that is a manipulation tactic utilized by abusers, and Azula learned very well from her father.

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

Hi Ralph. I hope you’re doing as well as you can be and I thank you for being so patient with all of us.

As someone who’s been involved in social justice movements, organizing etc, how do you deal with confusion, conflicting feelings, and nuance? And how do you handle a potential disagreement with a close friend about it? Also I’m sorry that this is long. I’m thinking out loud and I don’t expect you to answer the questions or even the anon. It’s more to represent my conflicting thoughts and I was wondering how you deal with this kind of thing. Obviously I’m not struggling compared to people there, or the majority of people anywhere, but I thought you might relate, maybe?

My friend (she’s fifty years older and like a grandma to me) is Jewish and supports Israel completely, is a democrat. She’s brilliant, funny, has her phD, has traveled, knows Palestinians, dated one while living in Europe, etc. She said that he believed that members of groups like Hamas cared more about glory and freedom than the health of their people. We were talking about pro-Palestine tweets among Taylor fans. She said she hopes someone like Taylor would come forward supporting Israel and condemning Hamas. I agreed with her aloud even though I don’t agree. How would you deal with this situation?

I’m conflicted about Israel/Palestine. I don’t know if Hamas cares about regular Palestinian lives. I wonder how many Palestinians they thought would die after Israel retaliates. It’s almost as if they’re provoking an even worse humanitarian crisis. But then Israel provoked the creation of Hamas. Im revolted by the excessive bombing and use of white phosphorus. Who I am to judge Hamas, really? But I judge them anyway. I can’t fathom what’s happening to Palestinians.

It’s absolutely understandable that Jews wanted their own country after the Holocaust. I think if the majority of major religions have countries, it’s important that Jews have one too. I don’t think Israel’s an invalid state but I think it’s run by a terrible man and I don’t like much of what they do. It bothers me when people online call it “isntreal.” Aldo I don’t get why they say Israel didn’t exist until 1949 because that land is referred to in the Bible as Israel? Are Israelis and Jews more indigenous to the land than Palestinians if the Jews were there thousands of years ago? How do people declare who’s the most indigenous? Some people think the Jews are taking their land back? Some people think Hamas is a resistance movement? But justification of terrorism is horrifying. It’s not like there was a vote in Palestine to decide whether to attack Israel. If there were, and the majority voted to hurt Israel, Israel would have more justification. But it’s terrifying that Hamas has decided they represent everyone. So many more Palestinians are dying because Hamas gave israel justification to kill more. Israel’s treatment of Gaza will radicalize more young people into joining organizations like Hamas. It’s a disaster.

Iran’s involvement makes me suspicious. I think they want Israel destroyed and don’t care about Palestinians. Why would they care about Palestinians when they murder or arrest women who don’t “properly” cover their hair? But also, the US helped overthrow Iran’s last democratic leader? But also it’s important for israel to exist to have a democratic ally in the Middle East?

I’m 18 and I’m trying to learn everything I can before making judgments. Did you feel conflicted like this when you were younger? Do you still feel like this? I think social media has made it even more confusing. I can’t tell what’s reliable and what’s not. But also, how would someone allegedly live-tweeting from Gaza prove that they’re reliable? Why should they have to? How do you decide what to trust or not trust?

I’m especially worried about American republicans who appear to be supporting Palestine only because Biden supports Israel. I’m worried that young leftists will begin to trust these republicans because they agree with the republicans on one international issue. So many young people supporting Israel are retweeting a man who’s pinned tweet is about how he had a great time chatting with tucker Carlson. That man supports palestine because he wants to prove that Biden is evil or incompetent etc. How does one trust anyone in government ever? I’m worried Biden will lose the 2024 election because of his support for Israel will cost him the support of democrats. And then we’ll end up with someone astronomically worse.

Thank you.

Also just for anyone reading, I listened to this amazing podcast about the history of Israel/Palestine. It was published in September and august of this year so it isn’t colored by the recent events and subsequent/sudden pity for Israel. I like especially the explanation about how Israelis and Palestinians have different names for the same event. It can be the worst day ever or the best day ever, depending on who you are

https://open.spotify.com/episode/2uaV7mS3cTEKITWp7T3JL2?si=aYXRTgRCTJSBXNaHDyH-qw

Thanks so much for your thoughts anon - sending you all the love as you make sense of the world. It took me a long time to figure out what I thought about Israel and Palestine and at times I felt it was too complicated and found the way people talked about Israel stressful, even when I was on Palestinian solidarity protests.

You don't have to have this all figured out to take action. You think the current actions of the Israeli state are terrible - that's enough to take action in solidarity with Palestinians. I really encourage you to do what you can in this week - you don't need to have untangled and resolved everything to take solidarity action.

In terms of the advice you were asking for - my main point is that it's OK that you feel confused and unclear and give yourself time to figure out almost all of this. You will learn more about Israel and Palestine with time. It's OK to take time to figure out how to have friends with people who you disagree with and who pressure you to agree. You will figure out that with time - and my only advice is to give yourself time. The only urgency right now is to take action in solidarity with Palestine - and you can do that with all the confusion and ambiguous feelings you have.

For the rest - rather than trying to respond to everything you say - I'm going to focus on two specific ideas. There are beliefs that seem to underlie what you say and where I understand things very differently. I am offering these alternative ways of understanding the world as a way of showing how I see things. I don't know if they'll speak to where you're coming from or not, but they seemed like a good place to start.

The first is that I don't think religions having countries is a good thing - it's a cause of horrendous oppression and injustice. There are all sorts of examples from history of this idea (the reformation), but I think one particularly good and recent example is the partition of India and the consequences that flow down through till today.

It's easy, I think, for things to be naturalised or talked about as if they are natural - and so when people say oh X is OK because it's an example of Y - there can be a lot of ignorance about Y, which is actually terrible. I think being clear eyed about what ethnic or religious national states are actually like (and have been like) really helps see through some of the false equivalence that goes on with Israel.

You might have seen an anon come back twice and say 'don't you think Jewish people should have a state' and treat this as if the answer was obviously yes. If you understand what it means to say that only this group of people who live in this land should control the state that rules over it, then it becomes very clear why the answer should be no - and that's not a statement about Jewishness, but about the nature of states.

The second is that I disagree with your understanding of indigeneity in a way that is quite important - and might be useful. As you probably know I've spent most my life in New Zealand and that shapes how I see settler colonisation and resistance to it.

There's a simple rendition of the idea of indigeneity - which is the people who have had the longest connection with a particular piece of land are indigenous and therefore should be able to control what happens to it (or the other side where you look back and see who has the longest connection with land to decide who is right) - really quickly unravels and there's lots of the world where it would lead to supporting terrible things.

The alternative is to see that people become indigenous as a result of the process of dispossession through settler colonialism. Before settler colonies there are no indigenous people - there are just people who live places - just like there have been people who lives places all over the world for as long as there have been people

Settler colonisation is a way of controlling land and resources - and it's different from other sorts of imperialism. In the Americas, and later in New Zealand and Australia resources were taken by new societies that were built where people were already living. This was only possible because huge numbers of people were moved to that land on the basis of a promise that they would have access to land that they wouldn't have otherwise (alongside an ideology that the land they are claiming is their right). Settler colonialism is the process of taking over a society by offering people access to resources, particularly land, to move to the new place (in the Americas obviously there was also the forcible movement of enslaved people in addition to settler colonisation, but it is this movement of free people that characterises settler colonisation). It is the combination of offering inducement to move people, and using those people to maintain power, that makes settler colonisation different from other forms of migration. It's only in the face of settler colonialism that people who are living their lives become indigenous people.

That is the sense in which Palestinians are indigenous to the land of Israel - they were dispossessed from their land and homes by people who lived elsewhere and moved with the assistance of the state and the intention to displace them. It's not about the ancient history of who deserves the land in some kind of mystical way - it's about a very specific (and in this case recent) history of intentional dispossession. I think the way that appeals the bible are used to obscure the very recent history is really well captured by Michael Rosen's poem Promised Land.

The final thing I want to say is to respond to your characterisation of that podcast. Because my response to what you said was to think: 'what a great summary of why it's impossible to support the state of Israel'. I don't think mine or anyone else's freedom or liberation can be built through the oppression of others. One of the most basic building blocks of my politics is the idea of solidarity 'an injury to one is an injury to all'. It's not at all unusual for horrors on one people to be a source of triumph for another - but I believe none of us have a chance unless we can build a different sort of world that is based on solidarity as opposed to fighting over scarcity. If a great joy for one people, is a catastrophe for another - it's a really clear sign that that great joy is not something that I can support politically.

[lookbluesoup]

I think something that gets overlooked a lot in the nuance of whether people are supposed to comment/interact with people's fics and art is that... enjoying interaction and being motivated by it is not the same as being utterly destroyed and depressed by a lack of interaction. Lemme talk about how the kudos-craze affected me, personally.

Before anyone pulls out the "oh you're just such'n'such kind of writer you don't know what it feels like to be on the other side" I have been both an obscure writer with little engagement and one that was big enough to get multiple pieces of gift art/fics for my ocs.

This was the kind of stuff I got for my Fallout fics back in the day:

This is what I've been getting on my FFXIV stuff:

So... yes. It's been an adjustment changing fandoms to one that is arguably much bigger and finding I'm getting much less interaction.

Initially, back in the Fallout fandom, I was writing very personal stories, just for me, and then sharing them with people online in case they resonated with others. Getting interaction now and then was nice. And this worked great. I was writing because I enjoyed the process, connected with the characters, wanted to know what would happen next.

But as I got more and more attention, I ended up feeling a LOT of pressure to perform. And I ultimately spent so much time staring at my open drafts, worrying about whether I was writing something other people would like because I was so afraid of disappointing my followers, that I couldn't actually write anymore or enjoy creating.

That's one of those points where wanting kudos/comments/etc becomes unhealthy, and you need to take a step back from it.

I've had a lot of therapy since then. I've built some stronger, healthier relationships with people I trust, and don't feel that pressure as much anymore because I have a more stable sense of self worth. I'm not perfect about it, but I'm learning.

I think it's often brushed over by people who are in the kudos-dont-define-you camp (it even was by me, for many years), but, yes, we tell stories because we want attention. We want to reach people. Even if we have a strong internal sense of self and aren't insecure about whether there's interaction on our fics... most of us, I think, are still posting in hopes our words reach someone else, even if we don't ever know for sure that they did. I even met my now partner of two years through fic, and the wonderful comments he left on my Ao3. So I'm the last person who should be dissing the incredible power stories have for connecting people.

It should also be noted, however, that using "number go up" as a way to get happiness and motivation is scientifically proven to be harmful to creativity. They did studies with children where kids were given points for reading books, the more books they read the more points they got, and they would be rewarded for points milestones. But when that study ended, and the points system was removed? Even the kids who used to read for fun before the challenge stopped reading. Because their brains had been trained, very quickly, to be reward motivated rather than to just enjoy reading for its own sake. They didn't enjoy something they used to like anymore, and that's extremely sad.

Social media capitalizes on this, basically addiction behavior, and as creators we do need to be aware of how our brain works. It's so, so easy to fall into the mindset where writing or drawing is only worth it if we're getting flower petals back, and to end up trapped in a place where we can't even create for ourselves anymore. The goalpost is always moving, in this situation, because we're always comparing our numbers to others, or to previous posts, or just saying its not enough to hurt ourselves and always needing more. It doesn't end up being about the quality or the sincerity of the interaction.

So while it's good, completely ok, to want comments, kudos, reblogs, whatever, and to enjoy getting them, and to be motivated by them... if not getting them is causing you to spiral into disappointment and depression to such an extreme degree that you don't even like your own stories and characters anymore, consider, without shame, whether your brain has been tricked into equating numbers with self-worth.

I wish people would stop using shame as a bludgeon, though I understand there's a lot of frustration on both sides, too, and that's valid. But attacking people who are too nervous to comment on fics, and attacking people who want comments and to connect with people, are both not going to solve anything. They'll just create defensiveness and hurt.

I have seen some people say they don't even read fics anymore because they don't always have the energy to leave a thoughtful comment afterwards and they feel stressed about not giving anything to the author. So they don't read the author's writing at all because they can't do it the "correct" way. A lot of posts demanding comments and holding updates for fics hostage have hurt readers and added anxiety to the process of even taking part in fandom, and that's not healthy either. I'd much rather someone be able to read my fic, enjoy it, and say nothing to me. Because that way someone did still get to enjoy it.

While I love getting interaction, nice comments can have me smiling for days or months or years, and have allowed me to meet some incredible people, I'll continue to preach that comments and kudos are never an obligation. Readers don't have to interact with my stuff, and they don't have to give me a reason why. There's a lot of reasons why people don't leave those and most of them are benign.

[sirenofthegreenbanks]

3, 16 and 20 for loving fandom asks! 😊

3. a character that fandom has helped u appreciate

wen kexing from the novels!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! also zzs from the novels and zzs from the show and wkx from the show but this isnt!!! about them!!!

16. a tiny detail in canon that u want more people to appreciate

we talked about this before but i really like how rise of phoenixes handles the crossdressing trope. quippe quest mentions this in their videos at some point i think; feng zhiwei is allowed to actually look like a man when she dresses up as a man, and the additional layer her crossdressing shenanigans add to the exploration of her arc that ends in her being completely stripped from all she has at the beginning (agency, autonomy, freedom, value) is all the more gutpunching. i look at her being all unrestrained (as a person) when she dresses up, moving around freely and doing what she wants (as per her nature), and then i look at who she is forced to become once the emperor finds out about it and it gets public. its honestly horrible, like a horror movie (feng zhiwei fmv horror edit?). so the maturity and nuance with which they approach and utilize it is smth i wish would be talked about more, if only because its so dear to me personally and i think everyone should talk about it all the time

,,,, ,,, actually this probably doesnt really count as a tiny detail //w// , ,, i thought of it because theyre so casual with it in canon!!! though feng zhiwei‘s ~real gender~TM is a plot point, the show doesnt really make a fuss around the crossdressing in itself (compared to how other stories usually handle it). so i thought of it as tiny and a detail even though its not really tiny, and its more the attention to detail that i would like for everyone to appreciate forever.

HERE IS AN ALTERNATIVE ANSWER: zhiwei‘s long ass hair that she takes down at the end of the forst day at the academy when sits in the window just before going to bed . everyone is talking about ning yi‘s hair but!!!! what about hers!!!!! its literally right there!!!! its such a beautiful scene, she looks so good. and i think its the only time she ever takes down her hair where we see it right? right? it doesnt happen at all at any other point :) surely :). so beautiful when u can take down your hair of your own volution in a world where taking your hair down signifies vulnerability and can unmask you as a woman! :) :):):) great scene where zhiwei is in full control of her fate and pursues her happiness and taking her hair down in the privacy of her room, with only gu nanyi to see, is such a big show of trust (in him) and faith (in her future) :) im fine why do u ask

20. your very first fandom

oh this is a mean pick!!!!!! me having like a hole in my head etc!!!!! but one of my earliest beloveds media that i could count as me entering a fandom of any kind is the donald duck franchise. dont really have a better name for it. i could call it the Mickey Mouse Franchise but that would be A Lie. mickey mouse has nothing to do with it at all! i had fan magazines and would dress up as phantomias and would spent time reading comics with my friends and brother and i would annoy literal strangers into lending me their comics if i so much as sniffed out that they had a collection at home. i also drew and wrote fanart and fanfic, though i never finished anything, my aspirations were too high for my fragile constitution also known as patience and stamina TvT. smth thats STILL a problem tbh. i cant write short stuff yet keeping it up for so long is Hard. anywhomst. i remember looking at the pictures before i learned to read and making up the story in my head so this being my first fandom might not be that far off!!!!!!

beloveds fandom asks game

[dragonsarecats]

I definitely agree that the sway of Byleth as a lot of weight for SS! But I don't think it's the only important factor? Because to me if it was the case, Claude and Dimitri would have their own SS: the fact that it's specific to Edelgard do seems means something about the Eagles loyalty toward her.

Edelgard don't feel betrayed in Silver Snow nor did she trusted the other Eagles? Can you give specific dialog? To me Silver Snow, at least regarding Byleth and other student is kinda just what she expected to happen?

I do think the Hubert point has to be nuanced: Hubert is only one person in Edelgard huge lack of positive relationship, and more widely Edelgard truly awful situation. Edelgard is constantly watched by her abuser, she has to constantly worry that people she met could very much be TWSITD agent, ... Yes, she has someone to rely on but comparatively she has countless ennemies on her track ( unlike Claude who has mostly potential enemy, or indirect ennemies that have in no way the same weight as TWSITD or Aegir for example ). So yeah, while Claude and Edelgard trust issue are different in certain ways, I don't think Claude trust issue can be a point as to why found family is a fundamental trope of VW and not of CF?

For the inherent respect as a leader I'm sorry to have missed what you meant! But while you're right that Claude as the thoughest situation, the other lord don't take the respect as granted? The role of Emperor is now a puppet leader and the Prime Minister is supposed to hold the true power, Edelgard certainly does have to work for the respect and the amount of power she has in CF: she has to rely on TWSITD and make alliance with Caspar and Linhardt father for example. Even Dimitri who clearly has the best position of the three when it comes to natural respect has the whole Rufus affair!

For Ferdinand a the reason behind him being rival who don't litteraly seek to take her power, it's because he already has power over her so I don't think it's necessarily a strong point? Because of the insurrection, she's the puppet leader, he's the one with the actual power. And Edelgard noble connection are small and actually very unimpactful. Especially compared to Dimitri who has his actual group of childhood friend and adoptive fathers

How is Edelgard not inherently untrusting compared to Claude and Hubert? I mean, they made a choice to give one lord the line about being so untrusful they can't even trust themselves, they made SB about the hardship of trusting unlike GW where Claude surprisingly trust Shez to some extent quickly? I genuinely don't see how she has less trust issue, or at least less deep, and to me it kinda wouldn't make sense with her backstory ( especially on the Hubert comparison )?

I'm sorry for all the misunderstanding too, I hope I'm not too rude- And really if my ask bother you or take too much time to respond I really won't mind if you don't respond ^^" Thanks you for taking your time in any case

First of all anon, let's clear something up! I ADORE your asks! You're not rude at all, I really, genuinely enjoy disagreeing with you, if that makes sense? You're clearly super passionate about Three Houses and talking about this game with someone who is super passionate is really fun for me! And don't worry about how long it takes me to respond to you lol--which is very ironic considering this response took nearly twenty days when I normally reply within eight hours (finals hit hard D:) --because I love doing it! You're genuinely a bright spot in my day!

Now, to the rest of your ask!

So for me, the reason why Claude and Dimitri don't have a "Silver Snow", as you put it, is because thematically they don't really "need" one. The type of conflict dealt with by Claude and Dimitri both personally and politically doesn't require an additional route to explore, and also, Silver Snow is much more the Church route then it is the oppositional-Edelgard route. I think Silver Snow branches from Edelgard's route because that's the most interesting place to put it. As personally as Dimitri's route gets with Edelgard, he isn't her true opposition; Rhea is.

And thus for me, the Silver Snow route says much more about Rhea, Edelgard, Seteth, and Byleth, then it does the Eagles. I definitely think it says something about the Eagles-- that they don't appreciate Edelgard's methodology and could be convinced to opposed her (and have mixed feelings about them) puts them in a very similar boat to Claude, who is most frequently compared with Edelgard. However, when removed from the context of SS/CF (and thus, recruitment ignored, away from Byleth's influence), all of them do show up at Edelgard's side, and are willing to die for her. I think, similarly to the other routes, their relationships are different and more strained, but ultimately without the influence of Byleth they are loyal to Edelgard (and the Empire) in a way that can't be ignored.

"Edelgard don't feel betrayed in Silver Snow nor did she trusted the other Eagles? Can you give specific dialog? To me Silver Snow, at least regarding Byleth and other student is kinda just what she expected to happen?"

No, you're absolutely correct here, I definitely misspoke. If I were to try and correct what I said...I don't think Edelgard felt betrayed by the other Eagles, but perhaps, disappointed? It's a conclusion I come to from seeing her in CF more than anything else, frankly, because (and I'll elaborate on this a few paragraphs down), I see Edelgard as a very desperate person. She is desperate to trust even as she views everyone with suspicion, two traits that seem more diametrically opposed then they really are.

Go back into trust issues (and the leadership points), I think there is no "better" or "worse" when comparing Edelgard and Claude's trust issues, just "different." Edelgard's trust issues cause her to put on a front of suspicion, but it's not a strong one. This is the result of two things: her trauma, and Hubert. Edelgard has a peer she can trust anything and everything with (and this is a good thing for her), and that includes vetting people. Even with the Professor, Edelgard grows fond of her quickly, and begins to trust her (implied by game mechanics to really, really start at C+ but also scene in other routes the fondness really does carry), but Hubert holds off on Byleth until she makes that critical choice to go against the church. This to me symbolizes a sort of "safety" net that Edelgard has with Hubert? Further on her relationship with Byleth, Edelgard's trauma does result in her putting on a front of suspicion (which makes it no less apart of her, but rather something she deliberately does to protect herself), but I think Edelgard is just desperate for someone to reach out to her.

I haven't talked about this before, but I think one of the things that highlights the differences between Edelgard and Claude and also their trust level, is the concept of "adults." This affects Dimitri as well, but as a "rule" in three houses if something majorly affects two house leaders it affects the third in less dramatic/major ways. That is to say, that while Edelgard has never had an adult/authority figure she could rely on, Claude has. And while Claude has never had the ability to rely on a peer, she has. Edelgard removes the old guard almost completely when she rises to power, only compromising, as you said, with Lindhardt and Caspar's parents. She replaces everyone she can't rely one with people she can rely on, because she's learned the hard way through what happened to her and her family. Claude, on the other hand, had his parents. They raised him to be self sufficient and to survive in a world that hated him. Later, Claude had his grandfather, and now has Judith and Nader (who trained him in childhood). He had no peers and no friends until he arrives at the Academy. As a result, Claude simply...lives with the discomfort. He deals with the reverse of what Edelgard went through; instead of living with people who have harmed you, he experienced harm from other people and now is forced to be around people who think the same way and thus could harm him in the future. Whereas Edelgard clears out the rot and only compromises where she has to, Claude is a being of compromise. It's not just that he distrusts others, it's that others fundamentally distrust him.

Edelgard's place as the next Emperor is never in doubt. It just isn't. What really shows this off to me, is the silver snow cutscene in which the flame emperor is blatantly backtalking to the Agarthans! Talking about how she doesn't approve of what they've doing and how they're going to pay--to me it was really effective at showing off how well they were at manipulating her because there is a reason Edelgard goes after the Church first and not the people responsible for her own personal tragedy. It's never in doubt in the Crimson Flower route that Edelgard will be Emperor. She never doubts it. To better compare her and Dimitri to Claude--he's basically a bastard to the Alliance. Sure, Edelgard is at risk of being undermined and turned into a puppet leader, but the fact that she will be that leader is objectively not up for debate. Edelgard is not afraid of the people in the Empire (non-Agarthan) who caused the coup, and she's relatively easily able to steamroll over them. Edelgard has stability in her place in the world--her place has been custom made, after all, as the only survivor of her siblings. In a way, it's also what makes her such a tragic figure--she has a lot less agency in her route then it feels because she's trying to make the best out of a bad situation.

Claude, on the other hand, is implied to be in a very precarious position. He can't pull off the stuff Edelgard does because Edelgard is an absolute monarch in a similar way to Dimitri. She is the Emperor and Dimitri is the King. Claude is the head of the von Reigan house, but the constant pressure and presence of Lorenz combined with Holtz's looming (if pleasant) figure in the background shows to the player that Claude is objectively replaceable. It's why his ultimate strategy during the time skip is to stall, to take advantage of the lack of unification in the Alliance (the lack of unification under him), in order to keep the Empire's eyes off of his people for the longest period possible.

So I think their trust issues are fundamentally different despite how similar Claude and Edelgard are!

Before I go to that, though, I'd like to address Ferdinand. That man has absolutely no power over Edelgard lol. Their support chain honestly makes me feel a little bad for him? The other two rivals--Lorenz and Felix--get deeper, more meaningful resolutions with their Lords but to me, personally, it feels like Ferdinand just accepts that Edelgard is better than him and becomes humble in a way that feels almost self-depreciating (esp. in their line progression if you have them pull weeds together the whole run, like me and my friend lol). Ferdinand has no idea about the coup, and he's a rather oblivious character--he believes it's his job to keep Edelgard in check, and he is only allowed to be Prime Minister because when she ousted his father, she chose to keep him there. Edelgard has so much power over Ferdinand it's crazy--both personal and political--and I don't necessarily think they have a "bad" relationship or anything I just think that Ferdinand has self esteem issues, lol, and weighs his own worth against hers which she isn't responsible for. I think you're underestimating Edelgard here--while Dimitri does have a lot of personal and political connections, so does she! There's a reason she's able to almost instantly obliterate the old guard, and that's because she has replacements like Ladislava and Randolph waiting in the wings. She's also able to keep on nobles like Lindhardt and Caspar's father's. Edelgard is a very powerful character, I think it just feels otherwise sometimes because she's so deeply affected by what happened to her as a child (as she should be) and unlike Dimitri it doesn't make her large and imposing if that makes sense.

Edelgard is jaded in a way Claude is not. I did not mean to make it seem like she was trusting because she absolutely tries not to be. Her trust issues are bone deep, and comparing her and Claude as "more" or "less" was not something I intended to do, it's just that they manifest differently. What they each want from people they could potentially trust is different: Edelgard is desperate to have someone reach out their hand to her, and Claude is desperate for someone not to slap his away when he does. Edelgard is drowning in the same way Dimitri is, emotionally. The Hubert thing was less of a comparison and more of an example of why Edelgard wants to trust someone so bad and appears to "slip" more than Claude does with her mask even though hers is a lot more obvious partially because she has Hubert. She does not have to do all her vetting herself, and I think that's very good for her.

I think the reason for me, why found family seems to be a much bigger theme in Verdant Wind then Crimson Flower, is again, partially because of the power structure less inherent in the Golden Deer house. Lorenz is visibly worn down over time through conversation with Leonie (our queen!) about commoners, and despite everything about Claude being inherently political, the Golden Deer manage to be peers in a way no one else is, because let's be real, Claude is an equal to the other nobles the way Edelgard and Dimitri can't be. It doesn't make him closer to the others--Hubert calls Edelgard only ever by respectful titles and I think if they were any closer they'd merge into a single soul lmao--but it puts him on a more level playing field. Mr. Leader Man is treated with a lot more humor than grandiosity, and characters like Leonie and Raphael really do result in the Golden Deer all feeling like they're equals even if you're conscious that they aren't. This, for me, makes it feel a lot more explicit when you get your found family forming, because in a big big way, it's forming completely from scratch. There's almost no real positive relationship between any of the Deer when the game starts! And I'm including Raph and Ignatz in it because of Ignatz's massive guilt! It makes that development very tangible, because it almost doesn't feel like a natural progression. For me, the theme is so prominent because it's about the formation of found family, although I think you could definitely argue that other routes have other aspects of found family more prominent.

I'm so sorry this took me so long anon!! Know I've been slowly working on this and thinking of you, lol!

[lmanberg]

My problem with his apology;

It’s completely disingenuous. He’s more pissed and concerned he got called out rather than what was said. That clip hurt some people, but he seems like he didn’t care. I agree with him about why people bring up such clips and it only hurts people. But him saying he’s never going to address an old clip if another gets brought up is weird to me. Because George has such a strong persona. Which is fine. But he’s opinionless. He doesn’t say anything. On Hasan’s stream I think, he hesitated to say slavery was bad. That’s extremely weird to me. How can I trust him? He doesn’t even donate to charities to help marginalized people, or to smaller streamers. Not that he has to, but actions speak louder than words. And he has no actions. It’s just his words, or lack thereof.

I think earlier dream apologies have been trash, but the recent one has been good and one of the best imo. I don’t agree that Dream is manipulative. He’s a dumbass and you guys give him way too much credit. Dream is very honest, and sometimes way too much. He over explains but his words are the most misinterpreted which is why he over explains. But his apology about his past is good. He has already admitted to his past self 3 times now, the people who are surprised every time something is brought up from the past is stupid. And that’s on you. He already said he has a bigoted past and if you’re still surprised that’s on you. You don’t have to forgive him btw, but he’s not this master manipulator. He’s such a dumbass. Like genuinely, he’s so stupid. In fact I think dream shouldn’t need to address anything anymore. He’s admitted to his past already, but he’s still one of the only ccs who’s cyber stalked to hell. And no one is obligated to forgive, I want to make that clear.

I think people shouldn’t compare George’s apology to Dream’s or talk about it as if it’s Dream who made him apologize or vice versa or whatever. George is not Dream, he’s not gonna apologize like Dream nor does he have a similar relationship to his fans as Dream.

I agree that he’s far too apolitical and it comes off as weird but really I don’t take that as a red flag towards the chance that he hasn’t changed, if anything I think it’s a sign that he has. Back then, he said offensive shit and didn’t gaf who heard or who it affected. He now wants to be careful about what he says, but he’s still apolitical. He doesn’t understand political nuance bc he’s not educated in it, so when he’s asked anything he wants to make sure there’s no nuance he doesn’t know before answering. You gotta think about it from his pov; you know nothing about modern day slavery and probably not a lot about historical slavery either. You know it’s bad, but you grew up thinking slurs were okay and those are bad now so who knows if somethings changed about that too, and then someone asks you your opinion on it. You want to say it’s bad but you also don’t want to accidentally say something wrong. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t an okay situation, but not in the way you think. It’s bad because he’s so uneducated that he hesitated, not that he’s trying to hide an opinion or something. (This whole paragraph is probably really confusing, sorry)

As for the apology being dismissive, I can’t blame him. It’s an old clip that no one should’ve seen in the first place. He hasn’t shown any prejudice like that nowadays so if that clip was never surfaced no one would be hurt or think these things of him that (he thinks) he’s clearly grown out of. It’s just a pain in the ass to be accused of something you’re not anymore

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

Thank god is not just me who mourns the loss of flavor to Emmet's dialogue. I too love how short and choppy his sentences are, to the point, no words wasted, a fantastic contrast to how comparatively wordy Ingo is. Which makes sense, as they're mirrors of each other in many ways! iirc in Japanese Ingo is also very formal while Emmet is much more casual in the way he talks, which I think translated to English pretty well, although obviously some nuance is lost because we don't have different formal levels built in like Japanese does.

I think you captured that well in oop too, as Emmet lacks the level of politeness that Ingo has, and he's a lot more blunt. It's well matched to how you've written Emmet in the first arc too, with his near single-mindedness in finding Ingo, and how it puts characters like Rei and Cyllene at ease. I've always kind of thought that the blunt way he talked, his blatant honesty and confidence without any frills, was what got Cyllene to trust him. She's very similar in that regard, which I think is probably part of what made Rei trust him so fast in turn (well, that and he's a kid who is floundering and desperate to have an Adult take charge and give them direction, especially an adult who showed him kindness and care in the way he righted Rei's rails when he started to panic)

YEAAH YEAH okay i am also glad this is not just like... a me observation. like i don't play ex so i hadn't really looked at the quotes before now and... why did they do that to my man... it feels so wroooong

and re: what you were saying about translations, yeah, maybe the ex voice is the more accurate translation, i. would not really know, but like. rip to japanese players for missing out on emmet's incredible eng bw cadence if it's true. it's simply the far superior version... i'm sorry...

+ the thing abt him having an opposing voice to his brother!! like yeah, imho you REALLY lose that contrast in ex because english just does not have the same kind of obvious registers for formality. the bw dialogue is sooo much better in terms of making a really clear contrast btwn them... and also i know i said it before but the eng bw voice is just like. better? more interesting? it has more Character in it? im tryna sound objective and all here really what i mean is i love it and am obsessed with it.

ANYWAAAY waaah yeah!! like i said idc what they do with emmet in newer games they can pry his bw cadence out of my cold dead hands. and i'm REALLY REALLY GLAD it comes across in oop... i think i've said before that he's one of my fav characters to write bc he is just so unique in the way he talks and just sort of. his character generally. in such a perfect way. he's blunt and direct and incredibly purposeful and. with all of the careful hop-stepping and social maneuvering and mind games going around in pla it is SO fun to write a character who actively refuses to fuck around like that even a little bit. and yeah!! i think it can be both very disarming and very reassuring to people.

like cyllene you are exactly right!! they only spent a very brief time together but i REALLY love the idea of them interacting anyway. cyllene i think is someone who has a very specific way of reading and interpreting others, and to her it just came across so strongly how much emmet meant what he was saying, and how driven and simultaneously caring he was, and. like i said. both disarming and reassuring. i think she likes and trusts him an inadvisable amount already.

[universalinfo]

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Visits to cider gardens often provide opportunities to indulge in curated food and cider pairing experiences. Here, the harmonious interplay of flavors is showcased, elevating the dining experience to new heights.

Being Part of the Craft Cider Renaissance

There's no denying that craft cider is experiencing a renaissance. This resurgence isn't just about savoring a drink but is also a nod to authenticity, tradition, and a connection to the land. As cider gardens proliferate and more artisans throw their hats into the ring, there's an ever-growing array of choices for consumers.

Conclusion

Craft cider, with its enthralling blend of tradition and innovation, beckons all to partake in its delights. It is more than just a drink; it’s a testament to the dedication of those who cherish authenticity. From the nurturing soil of the cider garden to the skilled hands of the cider maker, every step contributes to the drink's unique character. As the craft cider movement continues to flourish, one thing remains certain: each sip is an invitation to celebrate nature, craftsmanship, and community. So, the next time you find yourself with a glass of craft cider, take a moment to appreciate the story it holds within. Cheers!

Read More:

Delights of Cider Garden Visits

[byfurries4furries]

Spotting Basil (Semi-Porn Romatic Drama Comic)

Finally starting to get off my VN streak with something closer to conventional. I want to talk about a comic that's sort of pornographic that I really grew to enjoy for more than sexual pleasure. It's a very dramatic story that tackles a lot of important themes in a nuanced way.

Spotting Basil by MikroGoat is a comic about an anxious pig, Basil, trying to lose weight while falling in love with his personal trainer, Abe. But it's also about something much deeper than that. It's two people with species-specific biological traits that makes it hard for them to live normal lives trying to see if they can find happiness, unsure as to whether or not they need to defy or work with their biology to achieve that. It's also about their struggles to love the other while giving each other room to figure these things out wondering what they should or shouldn't do to help the other. There's a lot to think about with this comic.

Like any smartly written furry comic, it creates in-universe issues that could be analogous to real-world issues while making sure not to draw overt connections that can muddy the metaphor. It takes the Beastars approach, where the central conflict simultaneously stands in for many different issues while still trying to tackle it in a way that makes sense for the characters and the setting.

I think a big thing that speaks to me is that even though the story is a Nature vs Nurture debate, it doesn't try to definitively answer it. Abe has a near insatiable sexual appetite, but one that leaves him feeling like sex is like urinating. He just does it because he feels like it and even though so many partners tell him they're okay with him being open, they eventually realize it isn't temporary and just leave him. Abe really feels a strong connection to Basil and wants a relationship, but is scared he won't be able to handle his promiscuity. By contrast, Basil is similarly resentful of his pig biology making him naturally fat, but instead tries to defy it by trying to lose weight. Even when people say they're okay with his weight, his anxiety makes him believe they're just lying to spare his feelings. In both ways, they mirror each other, struggling to figure out how to be happy while never being able to fully trust those they build relationships with to be honest with them.

Compared to the last comic I covered, it's a short read. Around 225-229 pages depending on if you include the side comic Sprouting Basil. So you could probably read through it all in one night. It is only halfway finished, but it's certainly a great read for what it is in its current state. If you like your gay porn to make you think, Spotting Basil will be perfect for you. Until next time, keep on yiffing

Links

Fenris Publishing

Furaffinity

[shinra-makonoid]

What do you think gay men are attracted to in men that they can’t be attracted to in women?

It can’t be anything about femininity or masculinity obviously. That’s both sexist, and cultural so can’t be what drives exclusive man-only attraction.

It can’t be anything about stated identity because someone could lie just as easily as they could tell the truth in such a statement, and it makes no sense because homosexuality and heterosexuality exists in other species with no stated identities. It’s not like other animals without gender are all pan.

Saying idk it’s the vibes or some indescribable trait men have that women can’t but “I can’t explain” is a nonanswer.

Soooooooo what is it? Or do you think any sexuality but bi/pan is just cultural performance or an identity rather than an inborn orientation?

To be honest, we struggle to even describe and define sexuality as a scientific term so I'm not sure that I'll have any answer that you'll appreciate, because we currently don't really know. Like, I'm not going to be able to give you a decisive answer about those things, I myself don't know, and there's unfortunately not enough data on this matter to really describe it. The question you're really asking is "what makes a sexual orientation a sexual orientation?" is it "gender roles", is it "the chromosomes", is it "primary sex characteristics", is it "secondary sex characteristics"? There is probably not a universal answer to that, nor there would be only one factor to consider about that. So like, I'm not an all powerfull omniscient god, I can only offer you nuanced stuff that I believe should be in the balance for that topic, but maybe I'm wrong about those things. I will focus on men because you talk about gay men.

Obviously sexual orientation is most likely an inborn characteristic. We know that because we have been explaining at least one third of the reasons why gay people exist, and we know that conversion therapy doesn't work.

When you dismiss "gender roles" as being "cultural performances", I have issues with that, because not all gender roles are cultural performances. I guess it depends what you call "gender roles". For example, it is a fact that men are more likely to take risks than women. However, liking pink isn't an inherent trait of womanhood. Girls (on average) during childhood have an easier time with language, and talk early compared to boys. Which is linked to a bunch of different biological things. Boys and girls also behave in a different manner, and girls who have had higher dose of testosterone in uterus before being born, are on average more masculine than girls who didn't. You can imagine this is all society telling children to behave in a certain way and all (and that for some reason, some "resist" that influence and then happen to usually become non-straight), or you can imagine that, like all the other mammals, our behavior comes at least partly from our biological sex. So behavior, is at least, partly biological. Maybe not all, probably not all, but a part of it is.

Personally, as much as I would try, I could never behave in a feminine manner for all my life, I got harassed for it, and I would have given anything to "be feminine", but I wasn't. Not because I "refused to play in the patriarchy" (teen me would have played with patriarchy if it meant being accepted trust me), it's because I was fundamentally incapable of behaving in such a way, it made no sense to me, and it still doesn't.

"Gender roles" can also mean "secondary sex characteristics". For example, some women can have beards and that doesn't make them men. But having a beard is specifically related to androgen effects (and sensitivity) that is usually found in males. Muscles have the same effects. So while it is important to understand that yes women can have muscles and beards, and yes men can have boobies and be hairless, what interests most straight men are usually non-muscled not hairy women, because that's characteristics the female sex will typically have. And most gay men are usually into muscled hairy men, because those are characteristics the male sex will typically have. Men do not choose to have the attraction that they have towards the people they're attracted to. And again, those are trends, there can have men who are attracted to muscled females and still be straight, and there are gay men who are attracted to twinks and still be gay.

From that, it's not difficult to understand that sexual orientation is not just about the chromosomes or the genitals, but also from the whole package. The behavior, the secondary sex characteristics, which are all biological component of someone. What level someone puts in regards to what they're attracted to, probably depends on people. From that it's difficult to assert that all straight sexualities look the same, or that all gay sexualities look the same, because for some, behaviors will probably be more important than secondary sex characteristics, and for others, genitals might be more important than secondary sex characteristics. It seems multifaceted to me, and the definition of a sexuality based on "the genitals you're attracted to", a socially constructed category that probably overly simplifies it.

Straight men are especially attracted to feminine women, to the point that a study showed that their attraction to feminine trans women was straight rather than gay. Any straight man who don't know that Blaire White is a trans woman will probably be attracted to her. Spend any time with good cross-dressing guys who really pass, you'll see straight guys thirst on them. But none of these men would be into masculine men. Gay men on the other side, aren't attracted to feminine trans women. Of course there are exceptions to that rule, but as usual with human behaviour, there are trends. Another thing that I found out, is that straight men who happened to have been attracted to trans women, will become more conservative to distance themselves from gay men. Stigma is a huge component of this debate about sexuality. Whether you like it or not, there are probably much more people attracted to trans people than they let it know.

Now, in regards to fucking versus dating. I fully understand that most people wouldn't fuck a trans person. Because of stigma, because of the questioning it might sparks, and also because it's a lot more work than just finding someone with the "right" genitals. Most people cannot understand how I could be a top with no penis, and instead of asking if they'd have to touch/see my bits, they go to the conclusion I will require to be fucked in my bits and obviously it's not their thing, because they're gay. It's too much trouble and discussions for a one night stand, and I get it, it would be for me too. I wouldn't want to lose time into understanding how to have sex with a trans person if I was them, I'd just move on to another easier person to deal with. That happens with every disabilities.

But fucking isn't dating, in dating you have a relationship on top of sexual feelings, which means that people usually take more time to deal with your disabilities/uniqueness and will try to make it work regardless. The reason why I managed to attract people attracted to men (and the two men I dated weren't the only one I attracted) is because I naturally behave masculine and look masculine. The gender role you naturally present is an important feature for a man to be attracted to, and gay men will usually naturally grativate towards masculinity, while straight men will usually naturally grativate towards femininity. It also explains why many gay trans men have issues while dating, because they often rather naturally behave in a feminine manner (which does not mean it's impossible for them to get dates, again those are trends). Not having a penis becomes more of a disability we have to deal with, rather than me "being a woman". That does not mean that sexuality isn't inborn or that he's bi. My now ex isn't going to suddenly date and fuck women, even the hairy masculine ones, he'll probably never have sex with a trans man ever again either. I'm a statistical outlier made available because we didn't just fuck, we were also friends.

Hopes that gives you insights.

[bihotzcolumns2]

Tips For Hiring a Realty Broker

When you are preparing to purchase or offer a home, you may intend to think about employing a realty broker to help you get the most effective bargain. He or she will certainly aid you take full advantage of the make money from your financial investment in realty. Nevertheless, you ought to make sure that you pick a real estate broker that you depend on. Listed below are some suggestions for hiring a real estate broker. Hopefully, these tips will aid you in making the very best decision possible. Interviewing a broker is just like talking to any type of various other job prospect. You intend to work with someone whom you can trust as well as hold answerable for the outcomes. Visit here: http://linaandteam.com/ for the perfect realty solutions on this page.

Throughout the interview, ask him or her about the most tough deals they have actually managed. You might additionally intend to ask him or her about his/her negotiation design or concerning the characteristics of various sorts of buildings. When you have actually interviewed a number of brokers, pick one that pleases your demands. One of the largest factors for hiring a property broker is that they recognize the marketplace. You can take advantage of their understanding, as well as they can access unique listings. They can also aid you discover an appropriate residential or commercial property as well as meet potential buyers.

This is why it is necessary to pick a realty agent carefully. A certified representative will serve as your advisor, preparing you for every action in an uncertain and also competitive market. If you're thinking about working with a property agent, take into consideration these suggestions: A real estate broker will certainly recognize all the nuances of the real estate market, consisting of present prices, residential or commercial property supply and demand, and also comparable sales. This details will help them develop the best offer for you. Furthermore, brokers recognize with various other real estate agents as well as people in the area. These links will make the process go much more smoothly. Click here for more info on the best tips of real estate broker on this page.

A great real estate broker will certainly additionally know with the neighborhood's property values and also various other buildings nearby. Ultimately, working with a property broker will certainly provide you satisfaction in a time of uncertainty. One more crucial consideration is the payment of a real estate broker. Compensations are usually 5 to six percent of the complete price. With rates hovering over $1 million, it's tempting to sell your residential or commercial property without a broker. Yet when you consider that a property representative has an excellent record, it's worthwhile to consider the advantages of working with one.

This person will certainly aid you in locating an appropriate occupant for your residential or commercial property. When it concerns working with a realty agent, you need to work with the top entertainers. Top entertainers make four times as much money as their novice equivalents. Not just do they have considerable experience, but they likewise give important references and repeat clients. Without these representatives, your business might locate it tough to maintain high manufacturing prices as well as keep happy clients. Thankfully, you can find out exactly how to recruit the most effective representatives and also exactly how to keep them. They'll aid you obtain the best bargain on your residential or commercial property. For more knowledge about this topic, visit this link: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Real_estate_agent.

[mxbitters]

thinking about all dogs go to heaven and how just.  genuinely incredible of a movie that was???

[dizzydennis]

An important response.

I’ve received a reply from a user under the name: yamimanomamiya. This person is Windii, a Twitter user who also does Japanese-to-English translations for Sonic content. Windii had already blocked me on Twitter despite the fact that I never spoke with them. So, it must have taken them even more effort to come to a tumblr post about my translations. She just came to insult me.

This is not the first time that Windii has publicly made fun of me and ridiculed my translations. In the past, I’ve seen them talking about me and even scoffing at small typos I made.

Their words are hurtful and have an influence on other people online. I’ve seen people say cruel things about me because of Windii. It’s incredibly rude and insulting. Claiming that I can’t be trusted; to act like I am lying with my translations. It is simply false and upsetting.

You can even compare my translation to their translation with this very Twitter post. My translation is on the left, Windii’s post is on the right.

In all honesty, the translations are not drastically different. Yes, there are nuances, and some may say that my work reads and looks like mere translations, but I can’t say much more than, “Yes, they’re translations.” I’m one person learning a language and trying to provide some enjoyment to people in the Sonic fandom who simply wouldn’t understand the cover stories. I do it for free and that does matter. It’s just a favor I want to provide for other fans and I’m not expecting any monetary gain for it. Why reprimand a free service from a single fan?

I would also like to point out how I speak about Windii in public. I would never slander their hard work. Yes, Windii probably has a better grip on translations than I do, but what’s wrong with me providing the same service? If people like their translations more then they can read Windii’s. If they like mine more then they can read mine. It’s that simple. Neither of us are getting paid to do this. Who cares if we’re providing the same service to the same fandom for free; especially when Windii clearly believes their own work to be superior.

I genuinely enjoy doing this work for the fandom. I may not be perfect, but I’ve spent dozens of hours on these stories. I’ve witnessed so many people overjoyed to see their favorite characters return. I’ve seen people record and create fan dubs of my work. I’ve had people personally thank me for doing my best with them. The hours I’ve spent talking with my friends about them has been truly precious. It’s hard work, but it comes from a place of passion. I love Sonic the Hedgehog so much and just want to attempt to give something back besides my idiotic shitposts. It’s hard and due to criticism like this, it has been disheartening. I don’t want to give up because I want to improve my Japanese and continue to be an active part of the Sonic community.

However, it seems like Windii can’t accept this. I’ve never said a word to Windii. I’ve never insulted Windii. I’ve never said anything negative towards Windii. Yet, she attacks me and hates my work. Again, this isn’t the first time they’ve bullied me. I’m pretty sure they blocked me on tumblr a couple of days ago too. They’re probably not going to see this and if they did, I genuinely don’t believe it would change much.

Windii, I don’t know why you hate me or feel the need to attempt hurting me. Are you threatened that there’s another person doing translations? Are you simply displeased with my work? Is there something else going on?

Whatever it may be, I would really appreciate an apology from you. This has been a repeating problem and I would like you to please stop it. I’m not a threat to your translations. I’m just another free avenue for Sonic the Hedgehog fans to check out.

Sonic has said, “nothing starts until you take action.” Therefore I’m asking you to take that action, Windii. Please put an end to this angry, one-sided hatred.

[isolatedbubble]

Romance in MXTX, Priest, and SHL

MXTX: Flower, Wine and Dreamworld

The romance in MXTX's works is like flower that grows in ice and snow; colorful, bright and hopelessly romantic, blossoms in misery and hardships.

It features a distinct "us against the world" mindset, depicting love as the only constant in the world. It's an eternal "dreamworld" detached from worldly matters, the perfect escapism as well as a source of strengths in the face of cruel reality.

Both MDZS and TGCF are a critique of mob mentality.

The contrast between CQL and MDZS is very interesting. While the former ends with LWJ taking charge, and therefore changing the world for the better, the novel ends with wangxian isolating themselves from grand politics and focusing more on helping individuals as recluse. It has an essentially pessimistic attitude towards the morality & intelligence of the collective. 

TGCF takes a slightly more optimistic approach, featuring the crowd being courageous under the right circumstances. However, both works share a similar undertone: putting one’s absolute faith in the collective is dangerous, whereas unconditional trust and devotion can be only found in one-to-one connection

MXTX herself compares MDZS and TGCF to 花间一壶酒 (A cup of wine among flowers), MDZS being the wine and TGCF being flower. She also compares MDZS to 风雪夜归人, the person returning home from snow and wind, and TGCF to 红泥小火炉, a small red furnace.

Priest: Breezing Wind and Burning Iron

The romance in priest's works is more complicated. It's the most gentle in its normal state, when it is rational and collected, in which case it's like the breezing wind, soothing, sweet and light-hearted. It gives the individuals more incentive to achieve their individual and/or societal vision, as well as more reason to value their own lives & well-being.

In Faraway Wanderers, the most distinct feature of WenZhou relationship is how in naturally sync they are, and how comfortable & smooth their dynamic is. They both have past burden, but it doesn’t matter, because they bring simple joy, understanding and happiness in each other’s lives.

In Sha Po Lang and The Guardian, the ML’s lingering love for the MC motivates them to become better version of themselves, to care about others, and to form a holistic vision about bettering society. 

In The Defective, Lin Jingheng(MC) explicitly said that Lu Bixing(ML) is the only meaning in his life. He had little incentive to care about his own life after his revenge plan fell apart. LBX helped him reconnect with his inner idealism, and gave him a reason value his life.

When the passion and fiery energy manifests itself, however, the romance is like burning iron, blood and fire. It isn’t actually toxic or unhealthy, but it's not pure and innocent either; in this case, it strives for something deeper and more intense, never content with the past or the present. The sheer intensity of relationship is like a double-edged sword, walking the fine line between unconditional devotion and dangerous obsession. 

SHL: Spring Water and Healing Open Wounds

The romance in SHL is like "spring water"; it's warm, gentle, nurturing. It breaks through the boundary between individuals to bring the couple closer to each other, taking them back to a utopia of their childhood dream, away from social pressure and responsibility. The theme central to their relationship is “salvation”: how love is able to bring people back to integrity.

Both drama wkx and drama zzs have lots of regret about their past sins and wrongdoings. Four Seasons Manor is essentially a metaphor for purity, acceptance and the safety of childhood home. How to make drama wkx open up and accept this safe harbor as his home is one of the most significant plot-lines of the show.

SHL couple is way more emotionally vulnerable and expressive. A significant part of SHL arc is healing the wounds in an open and honest way. They cuddle and confide in each other way more often, talk about their shameful past and even cry about their regrets in front of one another, which is very rare among MXTX/Priest works.

The heat of the relationship sometimes gets too hot and even burns; in other words, there are constant miscommunications, conflicts and misunderstandings in the relationship. However, they can never let each other go, because it's the only source of warmth left for them in their hopeless lives filled with regrets and guilt.

Similarities and Differences

*Note that this is not a SHL/TYK comparison. TYK is kind of an “unorthodox” priest novel; you will know what I mean if you have read 3+ of her works. 

Relationship Dynamic & Narrative:  

In MXTX’s works, the concept of “romance” itself is divined; and the characters are illustration of the ideal of “undying love”. People are made for one another, to complete one another. Her works use colorful symbolism (silver butterflies, the emperor’s smile, the 3 thousand lanterns, etc.) to depict this romanticized ideal of love. 

For MXTX, the romanticization of “destined love” is one of the most recurring themes of her novels. Therefore, the readers look at their relationship through rose-color glasses. Obsession is usually framed in a jolly & romantic light, and doesn’t feature much tension or stress, and has less negative or unhealthy undertone. 

In most of priest’s works and SHL, soulmates are not born but made, so they have to figure out how their relationship works step by step. Therefore the narrative is less of a “rosy picture”. 

Priest has a habit of using derogatory terms to describe relationships that are mostly healthy, but somewhat “bloody” and edgy, full of excessive passion and obsession. The most common phrase is “爱生忧怖”, a Buddhist term meaning “love results in worry and fear”. 

SHL obviously has to be more subtle in expressing love. That said, drama WenZhou are way more emotionally vulnerable and expressive than their novel counterparts, as well as most Priest & MXTX characters. They have a dramatic falling out once in a while, even towards the end. They barely fit the Chinese definition of Zhiji (to know me/to understand one another), but are “lovers” who are buried deep in their passion instead. 

Past, Future and Evolvement: 

In SHL, characters are encouraged to treasure past impressions that are thrown in figurative “wrappings”, whose luster is derived from age-old experiences (Psychological Types, Carl Jung). In other words, they are encouraged to root their love in a shared past, a Utopia of innocence. 

The contrast between The Defective and Word of Honor is very interesting to observe. Both involve long separation, and the suffering and personality changes hat comes from it.   SHL narrative frames their innocent childhood as something to cling to and return to. Drama WKX is encouraged to accept his identity as Four Seasons Manor disciple because it was part of his childhood past. This is a significant part of drama WenZhou relationship.

In The Defective, the narrative doesn't encourage the couple to dwell on the past that much. On the contrary, the all-knowing AI explicitly discouraged the MC from “comparing past to present”. They are advised to accept changes, however painful it might be, and build a better, more equal dynamic out of it, evolving from one-sided pandering to fighting side-by-side.  

In Priest’s novels, the characters rarely return to something in the past, but look into the future. Change is usually framed as inherently beneficial, albeit usually painful and rocky, the implication being that you need to constantly strive for something better.  

Sha Po Lang is a good example of this, with Gu Yun’s changing attitude towards Chang Geng after he as he matures, gradually showing his intelligence in politics. CG starts referring to GY as Zixi instead of YiFu is also a sign of this change---to see him as equal rather than a parental figure & protector.

The Defective is even more obvious in this regard, with both parties uncomfortable with the change initially, but gradually adjusting to the changes during their 16-year separation. The ML also stops calling MC by his surname “Lin”, as a sign of viewing him as equal. 

In MXTX’s works, change in personality or relationship dynamic is neither framed as painful or good. It just happens. It’s a natural flow that take place when it does. Their relationships are rarely challenged by change. They are objectively at a better place compared to their past, but it’s merely the result of a series of events rather than a deliberate choice or struggle.  

WangXian’s relationship naturally changes over time after WWX’s rebirth, but neither of them really struggles with the change. 

Xie Lian doesn’t even recognize Hua Cheng as the someone from his past, so they start out as friends getting to know each other. 

Salvation and Changing one another: 

Priest herself stated in an interview that she doesn’t believe in the concept of salvation, since people have the inner capacity to be their own savior. Therefore, priest characters usually don’t actively try to change their partner’s morals or personality. Some might be willingly influenced by their partner, but there’s rarely an element of moral condemnation. Even when there is a conflict between different values, the options are 1) to reconcile them by choosing the middle ground 2) to maintain their independence and tackle it with nuance 3) to break up.

On surface level, Mo Du/Silent Reading is about Luo Wenzhou being Fei Du’s salvation. However, as LWZ pointed out himself, Fei Du would’ve been a good person at heart with or without his influence. 

In The Defective, when Lu Bixing mistakenly thought Lin Jingheng stayed in the Eighth Galaxy against his own wishes because of their relationship, and that their priorities are irreconcilable, he even thought about breaking up. Of course he was not serious about it, but this showcased that he would never try to change LJH’s convictions. 

In SHL, however, the concept of salvation is central to the theme. Some find it strange that SHL make drama zzs the more “moral” one of the two, despite his action being more objectively questionable. In fact, the only reason he get framed as more “moral” is that he admitted his fault sooner, and therefore could guide drama wkx’s path back to salvation: to recognize the goodness in people, make peace with external world, to clear his name in Jianghu, and to follow due process with his revenge plan to avoid collateral damages. 

“I tried to change you, but you end up changing me”, said drama ZZS. This relationship dynamic is never present in any of priest’s works I’ve read. Priest characters don’t *try* to change one another. 

Does MXTX believe in salvation? Hard to tell. One could argue that Hua Cheng would have be way more amoral and even immoral if it hadn’t been for XL. This is complicated and is a topic for another time.

However, it is certain that MXTX MCs don’t condemn each other morally. “The orthodox one defending their unorthodox partner in front of the world” is a common wuxia trope, but the way MXTX novels approach it is very different from SHL. 

HuaLian never had a serious falling out about being on different sides. Even when they disagree, they respect each other and love each other exactly the way they are. Hua Cheng didn’t approve of Xie Lian saving Mu Qing, but he didn’t interfere with Xie Lian’s decision. Xie Lian feels responsible for helping Shi Qingxuan in Blackwater arc, but he is perfectly fine with HC helping He Xuan keep secrets. In several cases where they have different values, they are able to make it work with ease.

LWJ never *morally* condemned WWX for his action, and never once objected to WWX practicing demonic cultivation after his rebirth. In fact, LWJ never objected to WWX’s morals; in their previous life he was worried about his safety, and struggled with what to do about certain situations due to his family background, but difference in morality is not an issue for them. 

The “righteous” one does not feel the need to guide their unorthodox partner or to be their salvation with regards to integrity. 

*The similarity & differences part is a bit messy and some points are not fleshed-out. Sorry about that. 

**I don’t claim to have the right interpretation. The lens by which we see different styles of romance is ultimately subjective.