#that pain is gonna save you

[dookins]

2024

[liam-summers]

AtS 2.22 | BtVS 5.22

"The hardest thing in this world is to live in it. Be brave. Live. For me."

[mourn-and-watch]

no but essek's abnormal behaviours in the last arc and especially in episode 140 are my roman empire. which is ironic because aeor is something of a roman empire itself. but in all seriousness, it was the episode that made me realise i love essek and his development so much and it kinda summarised it even before caleb's epilogue.

and i mean the "it's not fair" scene specifically. it's like, an epitome of his whole character progression from a person who put An Objectively Important Goal above all else without hesitation to someone who can't help but care for people around even more than his goal, no matter how big and relevant it is.

the mighty nein - and he alongside them - pretty much saved the world and freed an ancient city from thousand-year-long suffering. they defeated nine extremely powerful menacing entities who managed to stay out of everyone's sight for years and were so close to achieving their goal and dooming exandria in the process. they did the impossible and became heroes and somehow, they survived, even though they had bidden farewells a couple of hours ago because they had already understood what they had been facing. and nevertheless. they made it.

and none of them was celebrating.

mighty nein are basically essek's only friends. he knew them to be very unusual people, to put it lightly, loud and stubborn and completely inescapable once they consider you to be one of their own. and they showed him so much kindness and put so much faith in him, they were here playing the most atrocious music ever and digging clay in his backyard for a spell they invented just to help one of theirs and asking him if he could bring them pastries the day after they found out he was lying to them and had started a war. they were chaotic and weird and sometimes unbearable but most importantly they were carrying so much hope with them all this time - a hope they could end the war, a hope they could stop the angel of irons cult, a hope they could get better, a hope he could get better, and now, finally, that they could save their lost friend.

and that hope shattered, just like that, the moments after they'd already made the impossible. they saved so many souls - and then could not get back just that one.

for essek "my intentions were never good they were important" thelyss it just. shouldn't have mattered. they won. it could have been worse. people die and when they die they rarely come back. they should've been happy everyone else barely made it alive.

but for some reason, mighty nein being so defeated after they saved the world exposed him to that overwhelming feeling of injustice and unfairness. and i mean, there were many things essek considered to be unfair, but when i watched his first appearance and his interactions with mighty nein later on til their reunion in aeor arc, i wouldn't dare to guess that one of the things on that list would be something that personal. and personal not even to him.

the thing is, essek didn't even know who that guy was. why mighty nein cared about him so much. he had an idea, i guess, that he was their friend once, or someone in that body was. it was also a person who wanted to unleash a terrifying horrific aberration onto the material plane. it was a person very dedicated to killing essek and his friends - and they still didn't take any pleasure in fighting him. essek didn't feel strongly about lucien or molly, because he never knew them.

i don't think he mourned his death and failed resurrection. he mourned mighty nein's hope, the one they put in him when they had no reason to, the one they offered yasha in the cathedral and the one they kept after the spell for veth failed and the one they carried til the very end because they wanted it to reach molly. they had saved people with this hope. they had saved nations. they had saved the world. but they ended up feeling like it hadn't even been worth anything.

how desperate would it feel, witnessing people who for some reason always saw good in you when they absolutely shouldn't, who made literal miracles out of nothing, who ended wars and fought gods and tricked the hags and freed cities from horrors beyond anyone's comprehension purely because they thought it was the right thing to do and also loved their friends this much, silently crying over a dead body they couldn't bring back to life? how desperate would it feel to realise that with all your knowledge about time you dedicated your life to and threw away any principles for, you can't undo this? no one can. some things are left to fate alone and this time it wasn't kind to them. no matter how much good they did, they still got slapped in the face.

and it was, i think, such a genuine moment of empathy. like, essek is the character who prefers to put up a facade and act distant and self-composed but this time he just. walked away unable to watch this. the could only say to fjord that it wasn't fair. even when he was caught off guard in nicodranas he was able to explain himself and his motives to an extent even though he was a nervous wreck whose extra important plan went to hell the second the only people he cared about appeared. this time he had nothing to elaborate on. it just wasn't fair. it wasn't fair his friends didn't get what they wanted the most. it wasn't fair he couldn't do anything to make it right.

it is such a sad and beautiful and even cathartic scene because it is about person who started a war that destroyed so many lives - and then met this ragtag group of weirdos who saw a lonely stand-offish guy and said "hey, let's be friends!" and didn't even wait for him to answer. he saw them being serious and calculated and he saw them being ridiculous and extremely stupid, he saw their mistrust to outsiders and their loyalty to each other, he made spells with them and paid a visit to their hot tub, he ate their stale pastries and drank their hot chocolate mixed with whiskey, he was welcomed amongst them and in their wonderful home, both in xhorhas before they even found out what he had done and in the tower when they already knew - and then, he saw them mourning their loss, defeated and helpless, and he, a person who believed there were things more important than whole nations, let alone just one life, couldn't help but share the pain they felt. a pure display of compassion from someone who detached himself from it, who didn't believe he could grow into a better person capable of it again, but became one nonetheless without even realising it

[lupinsmissingnipples]

[ninja-knox-ur-sox-off]

Great news, the wordcount of that silly ninjago fic thing I'm working on doubled over my camping trip. we're at 42k now and haven't even hit the climax

[sledge-in-space]

John Seed is a comfort character for some people. Folks like to ship him with their deputies or craft redemption arcs for him.

There's nothing wrong with that, obviously.

But I just can't wrap my head around it.

There's nothing comforting about the way John Seed treated Joey Hudson. I don't understand why the ordeal she went through doesn't seem to matter to fans of his.

She was bait for the rookie deputy and nothing more, because she wasn't going to give in and join the cult.

He terrorized Joey and the rest of Fall's End, stooping to the lowest, most inhumane levels to get his way. Some even theorize that he hurt the "sinners" in his care just because he wanted to, for malicious, sadistic reasons that didn't have anything to do with the cult. At worst, some people go as far as to speculate that he raped Joey.

It's easy to see why someone might come to that conclusion. The way he acts is deplorable and he makes everything feel extremely personal, sometimes in ways that can be interpreted as sexually charged. He'll do anything in order to get his way because "no" is antithetical to him. He regularly flies off the handle, so much so that Joseph is threatening to cast him out. All the touching and getting right up in the player's face is so uncomfortable and obsessive (which is the point, but I digress).

So why does he get to be redeemed and venerated by fans? Don't his actions warrant consequences?

Are people willing to let him off the hook because he's attractive? Because he had a horrible, abusive childhood? Obviously he's got a lot more lore than most of the cast. Is that something people are interested in exploring for him over other characters?

I'm not trying to come after anyone personally. There's nothing wrong with liking villains and Jacob, Faith, and Joseph have also done terrible things to innocent people.

Which is like, fine. It's a video game.

And I know that John, like Joey, is a victim of Ubisoft's choppy, inconsistent writing and storytelling. Things got changed and swapped and cut during development that got us to where we are, with the story we have. Flaws and all, not like it was ever going to be perfect.

But in my opinion, I feel like the adoration for John does a huge disservice to Joey. People make thirsty edits of him while she's literally tied up behind him. It's tasteless and makes the optics of her situation look even creepier.

Her pain has largely been ignored for as long as the game has existed. I can't for the life of me figure out why.

[kuni-kuun]

Kunikidazai x Heat Haze Days

[goldensunset]

i’m still crying over ephemer that’s the thing. parted ways with all his new friends and was left behind with his longest-standing ones. then one of them turned on him and he had to kill them. he sent them through a portal just to get them away. ephemer never got to learn the truth that this was all staged he really thought his best friend’s final act was falling to darkness and nearly killing him and skuld. and he had to kill them with his own hands hhhh and we see him crying multiple times afterwards hhhhhhh

and then he gets separated from even skuld and wakes up all alone in the ruins of his home with nothing left no one who knows him and the responsibility falls to him to rebuild the world. can you just imagine him having to take a moment in that floating pod to just break down and sob quietly for a good long while. i’m gonna be sick

and like we know he goes on to live a long and prosperous life and he leaves behind a grand legacy but all the while those holes in his heart probably never heal. he’s regarded as the brilliant and strong town founder with an incredible charm to him and he’s everyone’s hero but he’s dealing with so much trauma underneath it all that he has to bury. like the records of him that survive are the ones painting him as someone so brave and talented and important but they never knew the true face behind this historical figure. his own personal life must have been pain but he had to put it aside for everyone else’s sake. missing link please come and destroy me already

[rigormortisangel]

if i didnt have child services riding my dick i wouldnt be in therapy and would probably just have my regular doctor give me psych meds bc i swear to god a psychology degree just makes people more retarded

[bitternace]

(05/05!)

groundbreaking, etc etc

[ID: two digital drawings of kingdom hearts' character, lexaeus, in his organization coat. the background is light blue, and the colors are faded.

in the first image, he is shown sitting on haunches, as if landing a jump, the tail of his coat flaring behind him. he is frowning and sneering lightly. before his core, with either hand, he holds the handle of his characteristic weapon, Skysplitter. tilted down, the end of his axe sword hits the ground, where shards rise up from the impact.

the second image is a close up of his face. /End ID.]

[blindlydancing]

just finished the maxton hall trilogy … so do we all agree james has the best pov chapters?

[cyle-stuff]

SPOILERS FOR GENSHIN’S 4.2 ARCHON QUEST!!!

NOT MELUS AND SLIVER BEING IN THE NEW NAVIA STICKER

FUCK IM SAD AGAIN

[merverelli]

👼🗡️ toddiel, the golden sword of the inconquerable dawn. 👼🗡️

[batcavescolony]

S4 E8 Supernatural

Careful what you wish for, literally. Them being teddy bear doctors and the bear gaining sentience and automatically having an Existential Crisis cus the world is horrible. The amount of Disney stars on Supernatural, Calum Worthy was in this one. Sam wants Dean to tell him about hell, but Dean doesn't want to. Dean isn't handling it well, and he's leaning heavy on the alcohol.

[hella1975]

are you guys thinking about touya todoroki today because i am

[clairedaring]

Sai. Get out of my room now. Okay, I will leave. But will you hear what I have to say. No, I'm not listening. Get out now! I'm sorry I didn't mean to do anything to you. I only asked you about that man is because I wanted to know how close you were to him, whether he knew Rangrong, and whether he would tell her if he did. I don't want your life to be like before. If you really mean well to me, then leave. And don't do this to me again. I'm begging you. Okay. I'm leaving.

The Root รากแก้ว (2022) dir. Koo Ekkasit Trakulkasemsuk