#that was the same summer techno died

[bye-bye-firefly]

YOU HAVR A JOB???? I ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU WERE A STUDENT, FAE WHATS YOUR JOB?

Fast Food Worker 👍

[obliqueblade]

Hello everyone 💛

As many of you are aware today should have been Technoblades 25th Birthday. His dad asked us for our way of remembering him on this day.

I discovered Techno’s channel back in 2019, and for the experiences I got to have as apart of the community I can never be more thankful for. Techno was and always will be an inspiration.

I’ve talked about this is certain places before, but I was diagnosed with a form of Lung Cancer a few weeks before Techno released his first video about his diagnosis. I was worried, but I was also comforted because while I was undergoing Chemo, surgeries, and drug trials; the person I looked up to the most was undergoing the same thing.

Realistically, I thought Techno would outlive me.

When the news broke, I was devastated, and I largely gave up on trying to get better. I cannot put into words just how badly it affected me, and then a few short weeks later I lost another friend to leukemia.

But, I survived this time too. I realized that when I died, all the memories I got to make as a part of this amazing fan base would disappear- and I didn’t want that.

However, I knew it wouldn’t last forever. For those of you who have seen my tumblr, my health has been steadily declining the past few months.

I don’t want it to come to a surprise when I don’t live through this summer.

I’m not upset by this, in fact, I’m amazed I’ve gotten nearly four years after being diagnosed. I’m grateful to everyone for being apart of my memories.

I’m grateful for this community- for remembering Techno.

I’m grateful to Technodad for making sure his son’s memory is used for good, despite the grief it brings him.

I’ve recommended to my mom and dad his videos and posts about how he’s been getting through his grief, and I hope that when the time comes it can help them as much as it’s helped me.

I’m not saddened to go. I’ve had a good run.

Happy Birthday Alex.

For my Tumblr peeps, don’t worry about the story. I’ve written how each chapter shall go, and while I most likely won’t be the one writing it after this coming chapter it will be in the hands of someone I trust. While the words won’t be mine, I know they’ll follow the way I wanted the story to go.

I’m not sure if it will be me updating again, and when it might be if so.

Thank you guys so much for all your support with this fic. I cannot express how much it means to me that there are people out there who have enjoyed it.

Take care 💛

[cateyeswrites]

Stardew (murder) Valley

Summer Year 1 

TW: Wilbur is mentioned but he is not in the story! also mention of cannibalism

This is a small self indulgent Stardew valley AU with a twist of mistery and thriller! So far this is the outline for the story and more of an introduction to the characters and the settings

Quackity and Tilin 

New in isla Quesadilla town 

Quackity inherited the farm from El Quackity who died a couple of weeks ago

Quackity and Wilbur are exes however Quackity never knew that Wilbur was from the small town originally 

Luzu and Quackity broke up because they didn't know if Luzu was Tilin’s father or not 

Quackity ran before Luzu could convince him to do the test, afraid of the result.

Quackity is fascinated by the mines in Isla Quesadilla, a small part of him believes it’s magic while the other just likes the fact that he can get money fast from there. 

Quackity and Tilin arrive at an old house and so much hard work to be done

Tilin is 5 and a half 

Quackity is 23 

Phil and Missa

They have Chayanne and Tallulah under their care

Phil’s wife passed away even tho people claim they still see her walking through the town at times or walking beside the couple and kids 

Phill and Kristen grew up with their three kids in Quesadilla Island, Techno, Wilbur, and Tommy. 

When the new scientist, Missa, arrives in town, it is Phill who welcomes him and offers him a room in his house, he quickly falls for the dorky scientist and Kristen takes no more than a day to fall for him too. 

A couple of years later, when their youngest gets sick, Kristin also decides to investigate the magic in the town with Missa. One day Kristin goes alone and gets lost but there she meets a small creature who promises to help her kid if she makes a deal with him and helps him overview the other side. 

That day Kristin went home, played with her kids, and passed away tucked between her two loves 

Lady Death was born that night.

Missa is interested in the cosmic and magical nature of the caverns and lakes of Quesadilla Island usually during his day he will spend the morning with the children and help Phill around the potato farm, during the night he researches the caves and makes tests in the waters of the lakes, with the company of a very sweet lady death.

Tommy moves away after graduating, Techno decides to follow only to give Phill and Missa some sense of peace. 

Sometime after Tommy leaves Missa and Phill decide to Adopt a kid, they have the space, and the parenting experience and they want to help a kid who needs it. 

Chayanne arrives exactly three months later, a spunky 7-year-old who brightens their days 

Two weeks after that a small 5-year-old girl is at their doorsteps; Hey Dad and Missa, this is Tallulah, my daughter. Please take care of her while I am gone. THANKS!

Roier and Jaiden 

Rier runs the tavern in the town 

He and Jaiden have a house where they stay with their son Bobby and Roiers son Pepito.

Jaiden runs an art school in town and does activities for the kids in town 

Jaiden has a daughter she co-parents, Empanada who lives with her other moms Tina and Baggi 

Roier and Jaiden have been friends since college, on their last year they found a baby on the side of their apartment building.  

They decide to keep the baby and formally adopt it as theirs. 

They name him Bobby.

After they graduate they decide to go live in the small town near the City, Isla Quesadilla. A small town where they can raise their child without criticism and peacefully.

Jaden opens her art school and Roier starts working in the tavern after a year of working there, the owner ready to retire gives the reins to Roier.

Roier is currently dating the sheriff who has a boy the same age as Bobby. 

Bobby is 3 and a half years old

Celbit and Pac 

Celbit used to be a big-shot detective alongside his partner Pac. 

There was a serial killer who would murder people, that was their main case at the time.

One night they were patrolling an alley when Pac is taken out with a blow to the head, unfortunately, he isn’t knocked out and he can hear fighting and wrestling, it isn’t until he feels someone take a bit out of his leg that it clicks why they can’t seem to find the dude, since he eat his victims and dispose of the bones that they would find months later.

When Pac wakes up Celbit is right there looking guilty at the side of his bed, he is so wrapped up talking to him that he doesn’t realize something is missing—his leg. 

After the incident, Celbit quits the police force and moves away to Isla Quesadilla where his child Richarlyson is being raised by his friend Mike, Richa’s other dad. 

Mike, Pac, Celbit, and Felps found Richas 4 years ago while working on a case of human trafficking, and when they couldn’t find his family they decided to all five of them to adopt him.

After Felps dies during a case, Mike quits his job and takes Richas with him to a small town that Celbit finds his way to, after Pac’s accident.

Celbit becomes the sheriff of the town and head of the station.

Celbit then meets Roier whom he falls in love embarrassingly quickly. 

Celbit and Richas semi-move in within less than a year but still keep things in the house they shared with Mike.

Roier is the only one ever to learn Celbits dark secret.

Besides Felps.

When Pac hears that there is trouble in Isla quesadilla and people are starting to disappear, the same type of people the Canibal would take in the city, he pacs his things and heads to the small town ready to catch the bastard.

Tubbo 

A 19-year-old college student who is a bit of a genius.

He is doing a project where he helps farmers create a more productive watering system and testing other gadgets to help farming.

He is currently living at Fit’s Inn.

One day he finds a 9-year-old digging through the trash. The only name she gave him was Sunny.

He decides to take care of her and hides her from Fit. 

Fit finds out very quickly about Sunny.

Fit ends up agreeing to Sunny stay and he helps him to take care of her 

Tubbo struggles to understand how children work but at least Fit and Ramon are there 

Fit and pac 

Fit and Ramon are the only people living at the inn except for the tourists and scientists who come once in a while for special events.

Fit is not the type of person who you would imagine owning a cozy Inn but he also during the nights goes to mine alongside Missa and now Quackity as their protection from the bizarre things that are down there.

Fit has the best coffee in town so everyone treats his breakfast hour as a coffee shop and you can find a lot of people just stopping by for a cup of coffee or breakfast with the family. 

Fit was in the army and served a couple of terms before a horrible incident where he was the only survivor after that he left the army, bought the inn, and became content with his mundane life.

Ramon was surprised but one he embraced with a huge smile and open arms, however, that doesn’t mean it wasn’t hard.

Ramon is currently 7.

Pac moves into the inn and sets up an office in the room next to his.

Pac is immediately smitten with the cute innkeeper 

Fit can’t understand why he feels the way he does about Pac but he also has panicked flirt with him to distract him when Sunny escapes from Tubbos room 

Ramon demands a second father after the first accidental flirt with Pac

Tina and Bagi 

Tina and Bagi own the convenience store in the town 

Everyone shits on Bagi for being closed on Wednesday but that is obligatory wife-and-daughter time.

Tina has a small tea shop inside the convenience store. 

They both are Empanadas mom’s who co-parent with Jaiden 

Empanada lives with them most of the time but she sees her mom Jaiden all the time and spends weekends with her.

Empanada is 7.

Foolish 

Foolish lives in his home with his daughter Leonarda who is currently 9 years old

He is the builder of the town, do you need something fixed in your house or a new building? He is your guy

He is married to Veguetta who travels a lot 

He is Bobby’s grandad, don’t ask questions about it. 

Everyone loves Foolish but man what a gossip he is.

Bad 

He is the mayor of the town 

He is most definitely seeing someone just that people can’t figure out who it is

He has a son named Dapper who is 9 years old

He kinda also is the go-to babysitter people will just drop the kids at his office or his house and he will be happy to take care of them.

So far this is everything I have on this Au hopefully I will be able to start posting the actual chapter soon but I was so excited to share this with you guys! feel free to contribute to this au with your own writing! I would love to see it!

And thank you to @peninkwrites for literally being the best and the person who I can always turn to when I have insane ideas like this! *mwah*

[coffeegnomee]

Training my brain to learn that caring about something does not mean someone will die and it will all be lost.

Cw - death, OCD, mcyt death, dsmp and lifesteal, triggers

This is, obviously, something super personal. But sharing about it is what scares me, so I’m going to do it anyway and prove to my brain that it’s okay to care.

If you end up reading it, know you just read my heart. I hope it helps you process whatever you’re dealing with <3. 

I looked up OCD tonight because my brain constantly cycles through the same thoughts and worries about Lifesteal like Non Stop. Like I know I’m ADHD but this isn’t just a fixation on this server, but like debilitating spirals of thought. And all focused around analyzing if it’s all going to fall apart or not. 

They say ocd is a “limbic system impairment that occurs when someone experiences a traumatic physical or emotional event while their chronic stress load is already high.”

And that freaking resonated. They say exposure therapy can rewire the brain so let’s go explore what’s the event that’s keeping me spiraling.

My chronic stress load was extremely high that summer two years ago. And then Technoblade died. The longer it’s been the more I really sit with the fact that that was traumatic.

On top of the stress personally, now my favorite YouTuber, my comfort character on dsmp, the freaking anchor of that server, was just gone. Gone.

Dreamsmp came in a time of some pretty heavy depression. Obviously the pandemic was still occurring so that’s a chronic stress load itself (I found it January 16th 2021, so like, three days before the disc finale, but almost a year into covid) and watching through all the streams I was able to completely escape.

For the first time in months I was laughing. Like deep belly laughs. Full body. Actual joy. The neural rewiring my brain those first months was insane. It was pure serotonin.

I became motivated to work again, having something fun in the background. I looked forward to cherishing the lore, keeping those streams to the side for the evenings when I could really immerse myself into the story.

There’s a two-fold trigger that sends me into a spiral around loosing the thing that makes me happy. Unfortunately at the time, the things causing the chronic stress in my life stemmed from the things that used to bring me fulfillment and joy and purpose. They were being taken away, by my own choice, and from my health (more on that later).

So in the void of having my real-life anchors to bring fulfillment, dreamsmp was the thing keeping this whole body going. Truly a hanging on by a thread moment.

But even then, it’s not just about "loosing the thing that makes me happy" that causes these obsessive thoughts.

It’s the irrational connection that because the lore changed and the dynamic of the server stalled, that THAT therefore somehow that lead to Techno dying. (yes. An irrational and non related thought. I just realized with writing that that I have truly merged both those events so closely that when the first happens, I cannot let go of the idea of the second. I’m sitting here expecting someone to irl die.)

Huh. That’s interesting. 

It’s like, I read this from some random instagram post years ago. This woman’s husband died on a sunny day and then years later sunny days fill her with dread as if the weather was signaling that she would come home to the death of a loved on.

That’s what’s going on in my noggin.

Because it’s Quackity’s lore that changed the fabric of the dreamsmp. It didn’t have to, but it did. It came at the perfect storm when everyone was super burnt out and needed to run away from the insanity of both the fans and the haters and the sudden massive fame. 

He decided to do pre-recorded movies. On my live-stream smp. The very fabric of lore was changed. 

And because of the larger production, it took longer, and the other members of the server seemed to not know where to take their personal lore; everyone was waiting for that damn casino to open. And since all the lore ended up happening in pre-recordings we never again experienced that magic of live stream entertainment and improv and dumb bits. Everything was sanitized. For their own sanity, sure. But at the expense of the survival of the server. (Also Techno wasn’t available because of the chemo, so truly nothing was happening on any end of the server)

That perfect storm, loosing interest in the server and the lore being fundamentally changed, set the stage for the traumatic moment of loosing a member. That's my two-fold trigger.

And his death sealed the deal. I’ve never held it against them for not wanting to continue after. Season 2 was impossible the moment that happened. 

My chronic stress had exploded so far that my thyroid was fucked and I’m diagnosed with Hashimoto’s, an autoimmune disease that keeps me fatigued more often than not. Besides that, my other main chronic stress was a realization that the Future I had always expected myself to take, the Plan that I had set out, I was suddenly extremely Not Sure I wanted to do anymore. 

But I had confidently told my friends and family for over 8 years that this is what I wanted (all this during college and after. I was already 26 at this time) (yes I’m old) (yes life is still crazy when you’re old) (but you start understanding yourself better). It was in this understanding of myself that I realized my direction needed to change.

Suddenly my whole identity I had built for myself was swept out from under me. 

At that. same. dang. time. That same week. That’s when the news broke. Literally broke me to pieces. 

And I hadn’t told anyone I was obsessed with Minecraft lore. Like bro. I’m out of college for a few years. Get a life. (But man. My eyes just light up when I think about this method of story telling. It’s just goated)

My mom sort of knew. She didn’t understand but at least I could tell her someone died and she had some sort of connection that I had been following this kid for over a year now. 

But no one else. The sorrow and pain of loss is just so much worse when you can’t explain why you cared about someone so much. It’s not like my parent died. Or sibling. It was a kid I had never met in person but I resonated with so much. 

And I remember distinctly thinking “It’s not worth not sharing the things you care about with other people”. Burned into my brain that day.

But time heals all wounds. Until something triggers it. 

I spent the next year just following Foolish, that ray of sunshine who was involved enough to have become my comfort streamer, but not too involved that it was painful to watch because of the memories.

It was a crazy fun year. Best comfort streamer. But people change, I change, and I missed Minecraft lore. You can only watch so much valorant before it’s just the same game.

Foolish found out he was on QSMP (I think it actually was before, I think he knew about the server before it was announced) and he started looking at Minecraft content and Minecraft builds again. For the first time in over a year. It was such a random day. 

But we watched Sandiction and… Rekrap2. 

Both of them stole my heart and I went, maybe it’s time to return to mcyt. See what’s been brewing.

And before I knew it I was on a month-long binge of Lifesteal content and just so absolutely lost as to what order everything came out in or what season everything was from. Shoutout them being allergic to click baiting “Lifesteal” or adding season tags to the description. It’s such a mess on Youtube lol.

Soon enough I found Baconnwaffles1. Not 0. 1. Somehow found his second channel first.

The videos caught my eye. I knew they were streams and I was trying to find the vods, but as you know Bacon doesn’t have a vods channel and his streams delete after 14 days. 

But then finally the fated video crossed my path: “This is PrinceZam and he just betrayed his teammates”

Oh my goddess what in the world is going on in this server. 

I needed to know. 

So began the true binge. Found Zam’s vods, watched season 4. And I discovered something amazing.

I have genuinely never resonated more with a character than I resonated with Zam season 4.

Every internal debate of Zam resonated with my own dilemmas. People pleasing and understanding what you value came to a head, and only one could win. But truly your values are the only real option because every moment of people pleasing will rub against your soul like hot coals. 

Remember those chronic stressors? The life I didn’t know if I wanted anymore?

As Zam walked between conversations with friends, teammates, and enemies, I recognized similar conversations in my life. 

I could describe the situation one way, and the person would agree and give advice. But then I realized I could describe the situation in a different light and then maybe they wouldn’t agree anymore. So I didn’t know what advice to take.

And then chat was so funny. The day before the wormhole they started giving too many opinions, the same opinions they had been giving for weeks, and in a flash I was like, omg he’s going to spiral again guys why are you like this. 

And then he was like, OMG chat, YOU’RE the problem! There’s too many of you and I’m trying to make everyone happy.

If I tell you I jumped up, screamed, giggled, and floundered around like a crazy person it wouldn’t even come close to what happened. I was so proud of Zam for realizing his emotions were being swayed by the barest opposition. From that third person point of view, I could so clearly see what was going wrong and I was cheering him on to realizing what he truly wanted.

I did, and still do, see so many of the decision making problems that Zam has, within myself. As a piece of media, and him being a character, it’s the craziest most relatable story I have ever seen. I’ve never resonated with a character more. 

Then we reached season 5. 

The first season I truly watched as it came out. I had gotten too obsessed with this Minecraft world. I wanted more. I loved these kids and their storytelling. 

But it was the first season when people started leaving the server on good terms.

Oh no. This sounds too familiar. People are loosing interest in the server I love. What’s next, a change in the fabric of how lore is created? 

Then there was a change in the fabric of how the lore was created.

We saw the new members approach the server with a recording-mindset. Who weaponized the lore against the old server members. Pretending they cared about the yapping but then revealing that in itself was a complete and total lie used to get you into the perfect position to either spoil the whole riddle or shoot you with an arrow canon.

And then. Not. Care. At. All. Zero remorse.

I don’t know why the betrayals by Jumper hurt so badly. But it hurt. A lot. (I was triggered that’s why) My emotional reaction was out of proportion to reality.

It’s not like it wasn’t a Lifesteal move, people had gotten into position to betray in the past, and would continue to do so in the future with Leo and Clown betraying Minute. 

But it was that “I have no remorse over the hours we spent as a team, not a single thread of care to you or to the yapping lore of this server”. It’s one thing to be betrayed by an enemy. Quite another to be betrayed by a friend.

So here I began. Triggered by something that wasn’t world ending. Quackity’s take on lore didn’t kill the server. Neither did Jumper’s. It was probably going to be fine.

But like. My brain is not agreeing. So I’m pushing back on it. 

Here’s what I’m finding.

This is a fun tidbit - when Mapic said “streams are delayed” when he was in the hospital before the finale I could not convince myself that he didn’t had cancer and wasn’t going to die. Bro. Tell me you’re triggered without telling me you’re triggered. (In case you didn’t see, it was just a concussion)

I’m so hyper aware of everything that could indicate I’m going to loose someone I care about again.

The pattern recognition is going out of control. 

And I keep trying to calm my brain down and catalogue all the reasons I know and believe Lifesteal will be perfectly fine for probably a while. Like how they have meetings all the time to discuss what went down on the server. They’re talking all the time to work out interpersonal problems and lore problems so that everyone is happy and feels heard. And they’re watching movies together. Meeting up and strengthening relationships. Changing admins as necessary. 

And I say it again. 

And again. 

And again. 

Every time something throws the smallest pebble at stability I walk my brain back through all the indicators that everything will be fine. 

Jumper:

Jumper loves being on the server. She’s said it. She’s so excited about it. She did have a plan. She didn’t tell us the plan as it went, but she does stream. She’s getting comfortable with the idea of streaming, she’ll learn to trust chat over time. She’ll learn how to loose gracefully on this server at some point. Probably. hopefully. And since I don’t know when that will be I’ll just have to wait until season 6 and see what happens. It’s out of my control. She’s fine. It’ll be fine. 

Pentar:

Pentar is fine. He doesn’t understand why chat would tell him he’s the most likely to betray even though every video he betrays. Why is he doing that that’s so weird. But he’s a great teammate and everyone likes having him around. I don’t like how he laughs at Zam, but like I can give him the benefit of the doubt that he just doesn’t take anything seriously and laughs in the face of anything serious. I’ll have to wait and see until next time to see how I feel about what he does on the server. Real life can’t be repeated over and over so just let it go. It’ll be fine.

Minute:

Minute is just so happy to be in Lifesteal. He loves it so much. You can tell by how he speaks every time there’s a group moment. He’s going to be admin next season. He loves this server. He may be overly attached to the Rules and have black and white thinking and he sometimes wields that for his own gain and I hate when he does that can he just have fun and take things less seriously? But I think he’ll get it. He’s competent. And he loves the server. He wouldn’t destroy it even on accident because someone would call him out before that happens. It’s going to be fine. 

Ash: 

Ash can be mean and also not care about the good that our side is doing and just wave them away saying they’re just evil. He does’t get it. But also he’s quite the actor. He puts on a lore face when he logs on, you can see it in season 4 with the wormhole. You can see it when he logs on for the justice league returns and he’s so committed to being good and fighting evil and as Zam is killing Mid in the background and he’s all shocked as if he was not the one who goaded Zam into killing her moments before. It’s a character. Even when it feels like it shouldn’t be. He does take random events in stride, pulling up the meditation guidance video when they all got killed. He’s stressed out by it, but also takes it with some levity. He’ll be fine. He just chose a questionable character to act this season and didn’t know how to balance his position as admin separate from his need to win. But he’ll be fine.

Can you see how this is exhausting? This is my brain on the daily. 

Every day I find myself working through each person one after another as something small comes up to threaten the balance, or reinforce the good.

This is when I noticed this wasn’t simple excitement about the lore, thinking and guessing about what might happen.  It was the same thoughts over and over and over. And I couldn’t stop a line of thought until I mentioned all the things. That’s what made me look up ocd. 

But back to it, I’m actually so much more okay with Ash because it’s been a couple seasons with him. I’m starting to see his tells. So I can just let the rough parts slide away. 

And that’s really what I just have to accept. That I can’t self soothe my way into being okay. Resisting acknowledging what I’m afraid of is just making me spiral more. 

We’ve seen people choose to leave after stressful seasons. We know some people become aware that they aren’t cut out for Lifesteal. Or they just don’t want to be. Some of these members might decide that. And Lifesteal has continued despite members leaving. 

OMg can I please stop cataloging how it will be fine?

I have to sit with the reality and realize nothing bad DID happen, NOT that nothing bad MIGHT happen. 

(This is unironically so counterintuitive to my brain. What do you mean I have to just accept that nothing bad happened, what if something bad does happen!) (But that’s what anxiety looks like. That’s not a good)

How do you convince yourself that you can’t predict the future? Asking for a friend.

I think it goes back to caring. I don’t think I’m allowed to care about any of this. That it’s silly, or dumb, or immature. 

It was, in fact, in caring itself that the loss of Techno was so painful.

So I don’t allow myself to care. To get too invested. Any time I see that I’m caring I push up on the walls of my trenches and shove that shit out. Only analytical thoughts in here. Measurable, quote-filled analyses.

But caring does not therefore mean there will be a loss.

So. Okay. Pivot. What am I really afraid of? 

I’m afraid the server will end. That something will make Zam give up and leave. 

Wow. I thought that was going to be a long ass paragraph but it really is just that. I know I’ll stop watching lifesteal if Zam is gone. Unless someone new comes in that has his same spark and dedication. Unlikely. 

So that threat is the worst. 

And I’ve seen his interest wax and wane. I know he can disappear for a month. 

But I also know he can come back. And he’s been a lot more mature and healthy and confident in being the streamer of Lifesteal. In how much he loves the server. 

Which is where pb&j being such a threat to the fabric of how lore is done is so scary, because that changes Zam’s care. But then again. It really didn’t. He just pivots. 

One of the most healing things has been watching the old members leave and continue to make content. And seeing how they choose to make their exit. They honored the server and the time they were there, in Rek’s case uplifting Lifesteal.net, in Parrot’s in completely reediting all his footage into a cohesive story. 

And then they still make content together. All the members make content with each other outside of Lifesteal. (And those that left the internet forever, that was okay too)

So that’s nice. Some bad things came to pass, and they've shown their response to it. Also Zam taking a break didn’t change how the lore was created, so that wouldn’t be a trigger. 

The trigger from that fear would be if he did leave, my brain would go into high gear looking for who was going to die. And I would have a new post to write lol. 

The trigger that is still tilting me is that pb&j changed how the lore was made, and my brain went *danger* *danger* This is something that happened last time and you know how that turned out! Start looking for who is going to die!

And it stopped me from seeing how this is not the same situation. The pattern for a death that I think I’m seeing, is not a pattern. 

And sitting with how nothing DID go wrong, that fear did not come to pass, is exposure therapy.

Because nothing went catastrophically wrong with the season 5 finale. I just keep closing my eyes, sitting in the problematic lore, and not accepting what actually happened at the end of the season, and freaking out that disaster is coming.

So what happened?

Season 5, you tried to kill my server. 

But The server resisted. (Hahahah undertale reference!)

Clown came back. Ro came back. Branzy betrayed everyone for Clown. Bacon and Zam sat in vc the entire finale fight. Mapicc fought until he couldn’t.

Spepticle gave his account then fought for it back. Pangi gave his account. Spoke gave his account. Red did the blessings/curses as Zam wanted. 4C said he was glad to give Minute the presidency because he knew Minute wanted peace and he knew peace was not an option in Lifesteal. Actually the quietest of goats. Didn’t realize he thought that deeply about the server. 

And it meant so much that Clownpierce, who hasn’t been meaningfully involved since the season 3 finale, came back and fought for his server. He made Lifesteal season 2. It’s always been his domain and he fought for its soul.

That’s the season 5 finale. 

The Players fought for Lifesteal. The server resisted destruction. 

This chapter is closed. This season got it’s ending. And it’s “not like last time” like my brain keeps thinking. 

The season might have ended with a lot of unknowns for how it will affect season 6. Will these old members still care? Will pb&j be a menace still? 

But what happened was a moment where everyone came together to care about the server. And that means the anxiety was unfounded. If something happens like this again, I have an example where everything didn’t fall apart to counter my fear that it will. 

See you around!

If you actually read to the end you’re amazing. Hopefully this is something you can do in your life to help understand what is the cause of your pain and anxiety. I wasn’t going to post it initially, but working it out as a post I could theoretically show to other people helped make it way more real than trying to work it out in my head, talking to myself. I had to write it in such a way that someone else would understand. Even if I didn’t post it. 

I’ll probably have many more days of writing when I notice a new trigger. Exposure therapy isn’t a one and done. (I probably won’t post any of those.)

But my body feels so much more relaxed now. Something has shifted in my head as a result of writing this all down.

Good luck!

[hanhahar]

Today is June 1st, and as we know Mr techno dad has requested we do a post in remembrance of what would be technobldes 25th.

I don't know how to draw nor do I have any merch. But I do have a Minecraft pig plush next to a polar bear plush on top of my wardrobe which is obviously now techno and steve. (The beauty is in the simplicity)

Now I have a story:

Back when I first found out technoblade had passed away I had also just started the long summer you get after finishing your GCSEs.

So what did I spend most of that summer doing? Grinding hypixel skyblock in his memory - now don't get me wrong I didn't accomplish anything big I hadn't even played skyblock before, but it felt like the best way to cope at the time.

I had never put so much sweat and tears into playing Minecraft before that summer (for reference I played so much my arms felt the pain of gaming after probably 8+ hrs a day of playing hypixel skyblock)

It may not have been the healthiest way to deal with the death of a man I had never met but it is what it is. Grief comes in it's own ways I guess.

Looking back it defined that summer as one of the most memorable summers to date in my life so far.

It's funny but it doesn't make me sad to think about that summer. It helps me remember.

Memories can last a lifetime and it is rare to have impacted so many millions of people's memories the way techno did. So thank you mr technodad for carrying on his memory the way you have for the last few years

Technoblade never truly dies

Now for as me I have another long summer after I battle the rest of my a-levels . I may not ever have the same summer as I did back then but I will remember what it meant to me and the rest of the Minecraft community

Happy birthday technoblade

[imichelle-l-rigby]

Reflections: Cillian Murphy’s Limited Edition

Season 3, episode 3

———————————————————————

*I am a music prof (predominantly classical vocalist), and I LOVE listening to Cillian’s music choices! That being said, sometimes I won’t like a song simply because of a vocalist (it’s a professional hazard - sorry!) 👩‍🏫

** The following are my own observations/opinions. We may not agree, and that’s ok! That’s what makes music fun! 😊

*** I wouldn’t say I’m well-versed in Cillian’s music preferences, but I do enjoy them (for the most part). I always wind up adding to my own playlists after listening to Cillian’s recommendations.

———————————————————————

First of all, thank you so much for your patience as I compiled my thoughts! It’s a busy week at work and there’s been a lot of things happening in my family. I appreciate y’all being willing to wait!

And finally, my thoughts on episode 3:

🎵Set 1 (Midnight in a Perfect World - Sister Midnight)

Midnight in a Perfect World: whoaaaa. This is so ethereal and gorgeous and techno but not. Love! 😍

I already like this episode better than last week’s 😂😅

Side note: as crazy as this week has been, this song is perfect right now. The insistent background and bass are steady enough for the irregularities above it. Somehow it’s calming/therapeutic.

Sister Midnight: a classic. While Iggy has never been a favorite of mine, I appreciate this groove!

🎤Talking break

His poor dog! 😂😅 🐕

Ah, finally a mention of Bowie! Shocked it took him this long!

MAMA CASS!!!!!

That horrible moment when you realize you’re almost the same age as Mama Cass when she died 😥😢

🎵Set 2 (Didn’t Wanna Have To Do It - Sinatra Drive Breakdown)

Didn’t Wanna: omg this is so beautiful. She died so young, but DANG. Her voice was so gorgeous! And this song!!! Omg!!! Again, love! 😍 ✨favorite song of this episode✨

I’m definitely assigning this to a student sometime soon 😂 🤫

Summer Rain: ooh, saxophone! 🎷 this started cool as a sax solo, but then it became a bitonal (2 keys at once) performance piece! Niiiiiice! Massive respect. I like how sometimes the 2 lines fit, and then sometimes they really don’t.

Dreaming in Another Language: I am loving the bass and background lines! So fun! And I’m not sure why, but this reminds me of “Rain” by the Beatles? I’ll let you know if I ever pin down why it reminds me of that song 😅

The distortion at the end DEFINITELY sounds Beatles - but like ‘68 not ‘66 ish.

Sinatra: much more rock n roll! This is not what I expect when I see “Sinatra” in the title 😂😂😂 I definitely hear a “breakdown,” but it’s also a pleasant surprise how chill the vocal line is against everything else.

🎤Talking break

Oooohhhh a reading!

Fun fact: I do introduce Wendy Carlos to my students when we discuss electronic music.

I need this book.

🎵Set 3 (The Shining - It Takes a Muscle)

The Shining Main Theme: so if you recognize the tune at the beginning, that’s the theme for the Dies Irae (part of the Requiem). Very famous tune and tons of composers quote it (although there are other settings of the Dies Irae text). The early electronic/synthesized sound is not my favorite timbre in the world, but still, this is a big moment in music history.

Side note: I’m a wimp and can’t do scary stuff. I’ve never seen The Shining. Or 28 Days Later. I had to watch A Quiet Place 2 with the sound turned off. 😅

It Takes a Muscle: this techno islander vibe is amazing! 😎

🎤Talking Break

Yay! Covers!

I do not know what French movie this could be. 🤷‍♀️

🎵Set 4 (Camille - Recat)

Camille: the beginning reminds me of Adele? Why?? This is nothing like Adele! 😅 but I do find the sample intriguing! I’m like “ooh… what are they saying??? Sounds dramatic!!” And more than that, I think it highlights the musical qualities of speech. Even when you don’t know what’s going on, there’s so much still communicated. That’s part of why music works! It’s a fascinating line of study!

Side note: Leonard Bernstein’s lecture series The Unanswered Question explores the above-mentioned speech qualities within music. They’re on YouTube

Intellijel Bell: the beginning sounds like a phone ringing, and I was a little confused when it switched to this song 😅 I guess that’s why “bell” is in the title? But another good example of composers/artists using “sound samples” as music. 👍

Recat: oooh! A nice pace changer! And if you haven’t figured it out by now, I LOVE me some complex rhythms! 😍 now this also has a lot of “headphone sound effects,” where you get that whoosh effect as the sound “travels” from 1 ear to the other. It’s a cool technique, even though it leaves my ears super confused 😂

🎤Talking Break

Tone and atmosphere: yes you can discuss them, but it’s a skill, for sure. I teach a whole class on writing about music.

2020 - only he could make that year sound good.

More whispers

The confusing Yorkshire mystery man!

Dude, actually loving Yorkshire man’s story today! 😂👍

🎵Set 5 (The Prickle-Holly Bush - Only Love Can Break Your Heart)

The Prickle-Holly Bush: once again, I am professionally (and personally) SO INTERESTED in folk music! Love this song! It’s got amazing harmonies, and the vocal production is so humble. It’s hard to describe, but it’s gorgeous. It’s a wonderful reminder that this is music of the people, closely tied to local culture, and ANYONE can join in, regardless of training.

Ok, rant over. Maybe. 😅

Only Love Can Break Your Heart: I feel like this is a “music whiplash” moment going from 1 song to the next 😅 Very pop, and I do like the lyrics.

🎤Talking Break

Ah! This guy was in No No (loved that song)!

🎵Set 6 (Alive Ain’t Always Living - I Saw)

Alive: I like this vocal line/rap. It just teeters in the edge of spoken/sung. Maybe you could call it sprechstimme, but it doesn’t seem to do this justice.

I Saw: whoa. Again, a strong juxtaposition! Very aggressive beginning paired with a chill main vocal line. But I think it’s got some strong lyrics, which is definitely a Cillian thing. But I will say the “brush your teeth, wash your face” section is hilarious! 😂

🎤Talking Break

Young Fathers record comment: boys to grown men. Wow. A great concept!

“When did it come out? I’m not quite sure”

🎵Set 7 (People Are Pissed)

People Are Pissed: this sounds like it belongs in a musical. I could easily see this being performed on stage, but it’s also got these atmospheric movie score qualities. The sudden pauses are a major appeal in this song. But what’s with the video game sounds?? 😂😂😂

🎤Talking Break

Ok but I’m actually ok with him making a “cover version” ident because all his idents have me ROLLING. 😂

🎵Set 8 (Inner City Blues)

Inner City Blues: YES this groove is so smooth. 😎 I really like this! Gil Scott-Heron’s got a loooooovely timbre to his voice. It’s like he’s a crooner. 💯 and the lyrics are amazing, as is the saxophone and other instruments used here! Phew! This is one heck of a song!

🎤Talking Break

Ask a reasonable question!

“Eminently reasonable question”

Of course he’s reading more Claire Keegan

I love how he gets so distracted while presenting 😂

Ooh! Archive material!

🎵Set 9 (King Harvest)

King Harvest: ooh, that Hammond organ! And he’s got some fun belt technique!

Side note: is it a coincidence that Cillian chose a song mentioning a union? 🤔

🎤Talking Break

Ok, but him forgetting to mention something is soooooo relatable to me this week! 😂😂😂

“If you can think of something reasonable to ask”

NINAAAAAAA!!!!!

🎵Set 10 (Mississippi)

Mississippi: I love Nina. While I think Ella Fitzgerald has the most beautiful jazz voice, Nina (and Billie Holiday) are tied for the best storytellers (at least in my book). Anyway. THIS SONG. There are so many powerful songs from the Civil Rights Era (and the decades prior), and this is one of them!

Side note: Nina is a FABULOUS pianist! If you haven’t seen this clip of her from the Ed Sullivan show, you should! She freaking improvised counterpoint!!!! 🙀🙀🙀 I am OBSESSED.

🎤 Talking Break

“See what I mean? She’s kinda untouchable” - yep. She really is!

🎵Set 11(Hard Drive - Mrs. Robinson)

Hard Drive: this is what “living in the present” means 😂. Nah, I like this.

Mrs. Robinson: YES!!!! You better believe I had a hardcore singalong while listening to this 😂😂😂😂

🎤Talking Break

I love when you hear a cover before the original. No particular reason. Just do!

🎵Set 12 (Big Black Mariah)

Big Black Mariah: very bluesy! Specifically country blues. 💙

🎤Talking Break

Noooo it’s the end!!!

“Thanks a mil”

“Miraculously they all seem to be in the same key”

I’ve never heard “saxophonist” said “sax OFF an ist” 😂

“Mind yourselves”

🎵Set 13 (Electric Ballad - Goodnight World)

Electric Ballad: I love the contrary motion and imitation in the lines! The electronic sounds are a bit strange to me, but it’s early days for electronic music, so of course they’re playing with their new toys.

The Lighthouse I: ah, it’s like the horns from tugboats or ships passing! Cool!!! And the hums are a neat effect as well.

Side note: I thought at first it was a bunch of hearings of Concert A, like the instruments were tuning, so I was a bit confused 😅 but I checked and it was a D, not an A. 🤷‍♀️

Goodnight World: omg it’s Goodnight Moon but not!!! 🙀🙀🙀🙀

———————————————————————

Thanks so much for reading!!! Share and comment if you want 😊

Tag list:

@iammrsrogers @deliciousnutcomputer @mariamoonie @brownskinsugarplum76 @look-at-the-soul @kj-davis @neverroad @teapothollow @thepurplearmyposts @possessedmarshmallow

[sunshine-in-a-bottle]

I have awoken from sleep to be really silly and considered a PrisonTrio Anastasia movie AU

Quackity wants to Get Rich and Get Out Of Here. Sam wants to impress Ponk again after their failed relationship. Dream would really just like a family after a lifetime of loneliness. Together they are absolute disasters who can't be normal about each other for five minutes. Includes:

that cool dream/nightmare sequence features Sapnap and George, who were Dreams childhood friends and absolutely killed during the uprising because they wouldn't tell their captors where Dream escaped to. When Dream gets his memory back he Totally Has No Trauma About That.

yes Quackity was the servant boy who helped Dream escaped. No he doesn't have any feelings about that. Shut the fuck up.

Sam is the one who makes sure Dream doesn't get pulled off the boat, and he spends the rest of the night holding onto Dream and refusing to let go because What If Something Happens He Needs To Be On Watch

Dream really doesn't have any idea why Quackity and this pink haired guy are arguing but Quackity is obviously terrified, even if he's taking great pains to look unaffected. And yeah, Quackity is a pain in the ass, but Dream still cares about him dammit, so really it's only natural to step in between them.

Dream is the same height as Techno, Quackity realizes. Except whereas Techno is built like a truck, well muscled through years of training, Dream is half starved, spindly and lean, like a tree that should have died its first winter but just kept fucking going. He glares at Techno, and Techno is taken aback.

Dreams hair is Just Long Enough to make a small ponytail at the base of his neck, and he keeps it tied there. Quackity is strangely focused on it, keeps complaining that it looks stupid and that Dream should cut it. When he finally snaps and kisses Dream, he tugs it out of his tail and gets his fingers tangled in it, tugging every which way just to hear Dream moan.

Sam is Not jealous of Quackity and Dream dancing together. He is Not eager for the times they get to share a bed so he can cuddle them close and nuzzle them. He is totally focused on Ponk, what are you talking about?

Ponk and him have an actual talk that isn't anger or shouting or waking up to a cold bed and a letter in red ink, and Ponk reveals she's seeing someone else. They get their closure, but she's moved on, and she gives him a kiss on the forehead and asks him to do the same. She walks off to dance with Foolish at the ball, and Sam goes to search for the people he's been fixated on since they started this mess

Dream is obviously pissed Quackity lied to him and tried to trick an old lady into accepting a fake grandchild for money because yeah, fraud is cool and all, but the woman sounds obviously fucking heartbroken her kid is dead, and Quackity Does Not Want To Be Having This Conversation For So Many Reasons. Dream he's just a silly little tax evader :[ and he realized you were Actually The Prince, It's Real Don't Be Mad (Dream is still mad)

However with the power of Yelling At Old People and Other Illegal Activities, Quackity makes sure Dream still gets his family back and then goes to get really, really drunk about it because now he has to deal with No Dream No Money And Who Even Knows Where Sam Went (Probably back to Ponk, which just makes the horrible feelings worse and he is just drinking from the whole bottle at this point)

Dream… Doesn't actually want the whole being royalty part, he just really wanted to be surrounded by people he loved. Where are those people what happened to them (One is at a bar being pathetic and one is freaking out attempting to find said bar)

oh cool we're fighting Rasputin now

Sam drives a car into him, so he's dead now.

Dream and Sam and Quackity are very bad at talking about their feelings, but somehow they manage to choke out something coherent, and then they go to live at one of the Queen's summer homes, where they proceed to be very bad at feelings for the rest of their lives

[vivimc]

it has been a week since Technoblade died, and I finally feel ready to make a post about him.

I got into techno from my brother, back in 2017. I was 13 and he was 17. Both of us were struggling with our own issues and we didn’t have a whole lot in common. I initially didn’t want to like Technoblade, but when I actually starting watching his Skywars videos with my brother, I realized how funny he was. I started watching his new uploads with my brother. Since then, we have always been able to connect over his latest upload.

I only actually ended up subscribing when he started streaming super often. It was the summer of bedwars, and the summer before I started high school. Middle school had been not great. I had friends, but we weren’t close, and I never felt comfortable in my own skin around them. I was really insecure and felt like I would never be enough. Technoblade’s brazen confidence was a mindset that was entirely new to me. It was jokey, and paired with self deprecation at times, but it made me realize that confidence wasn’t a sin.

From there, Technoblade became my favorite youtuber. I watched the entirety of his steering wheel stream live, pulling my first ever all nighter to do it. And when I got to high school, I was a lot more confident. I quickly fell out of my old friendships, but was quick to make new ones. I pushed myself to engage in clubs and met some friends who remain incredibly important to me. And I introduced those friends to Technoblade. Some of them started watching him, some of them didn’t. But he continued to be my comfort youtuber and when I struggled, his videos cheered me up. I often used his old streams as background noise for studying.

I watched Technoblade achieve so much. When I first subscribed, he had less than 200K, and the pig rank seemed like a dream. But he took the Minecraft community by storm. I watched him beat Minecraft with a steering wheel, get the highest bedwars winstreak, destroy competitions, and take over the world. I thought of him as invincible.

The news of his cancer scared me, but he stayed so positive. He kept his exact style of humor, his same outrageous confidence. I stayed positive too, but his mortality also became a real fear.

Hearing the news of his death deeply saddened me. I am an atheist, and death has always scared me. I was devastated that Technoblade would never again post, and I would never again get to listen to him livestream. However, witnessing the entire Minecraft community come together after his death has given me hope for the future. Technoblade impacted millions of lives, not just my own, and that is a beautiful thing. He was a wonderful, humorous, kind man, and I am happy to be his fan.

Thank you, Technoblade, for everything. Thank you for every laugh you brought me, and every time I took your livestreams for granted, and every one of my days that you improved. Thank you for being so good. Rest in peace, king.

The worldwide fight against cancer is still continuing, so please donate if you can.

[sinceileftyoublog]

Beyoncé Album Review: Renaissance

(Parkwood Entertainment/Columbia)

BY JORDAN MAINZER

“There’s a whole lot of people in the house,” Beyoncé sings on “Break My Soul”, the first single from her new album Renaissance. Sure, it’s a declaration of, simply, numbers, her various collaborators, the swath of samples from decades of music history peppered throughout. But it’s also a statement of inclusiveness. Renaissance, purportedly the first installment of a trilogy of albums, celebrates Black and LGBTQ+ music and the judgement-free zones they honor. Representative of Beyoncé’s state of mind during the pandemic, it exemplifies her self-love and desire to break free in a time of isolation. And of course, it’s full of braggadocio and skill with the research and credentials to back it up.

It’s that last part that stands out the most on Renaissance. Samples and interpolations of house, bounce, and soul classics like Danube Dance’s “Unique”, Big Freedia’s “Explode”, and Teena Marie’s “Ooo La La La” span multiple songs. “ALIEN SUPERSTAR” borrows from something as ubiquitous as Right Said Fred’s “I’m Too Sexy” and academically well-regarded as Barbara Ann Teer’s “Black Theater” speech while simultaneously paying homage to the ballroom scene of the 60s in NYC, created by the Black and Latinx queer community in opposition to the racism of the white drag scenes. “Stilettos kicking vintage crystal off the bar / Category: bad bitch, I’m the bar,” Beyoncé chants over a techno beat. To hear these influences rub elbows in the same song, one that’s already been heard by millions of people across the globe, is, simply, pretty fucking cool. Ditto ballroom-vogue-house hybrid “PURE/HONEY”, which juxtaposes the pulsating backbone of Mr. Fingers’ “Mystery of Love” with Kevin Aviance’s “Cunty” as Beyoncé deadpans, “It should cost a million to look that good.” And “CHURCH GIRL” seamlessly combines Chicago and Southern hip-hop, starting with a lo-fi sample of The Clark Sisters’ gospel tune “Center of Thy Will” but morphing into skittering bounce; the moment when The Showboys’ “Drag Rap” beat comes is curation perfection.

The best parts of Renaissance, though, are the ones that emphasize Beyoncé herself above all else. Yes, her vocals dominate from the get-go. On opener “I’M THAT GIRL”, propulsive electronics slow into a reggaetón beat as she coos over a swirling sample of Tommy Wright III’s “Still Pimpin”, standing out no matter the tempo. Not even A.G. Cook’s thumping beat on “ALL UP IN YOUR MIND” can fully match her power, her ability to fill the thoughts of the minds of her lovers, friends, and admirers. Really, it’s when Beyoncé is given total room that she’s best able to communicate raw feeling. There’s a chunk of songs in a row on Renaissance with no samples, the space filled with just her singing, incredible melisma and all. Such is the case on the devotional “PLASTIC OFF THE SOFA”, where Beyoncé singing, “I think you’re so cool / Even though I’m cooler than you” is both funny and extremely serious. That is, she laughs it off but proves it--as if she needed to--on album standout “VIRGO’S GROOVE”, a sexed-up roller rink jam that sports perhaps her best vocal performance ever, ping-ponging up and down the scales.

Ultimately, Renaissance welcomes and educates. During her wordplay on “COZY”, Beyoncé’s sure to reference the progress pride flag, and she includes excerpts from a popular TikTok by trans television star Ts Madison. Her deep dive into LGBTQ+ culture calls to the past and look to the future. Is it pandering? That’s not really for me, a straight cisgender white male, to decide. Allyship is certainly important to Beyoncé, especially considering the album’s dedication to her late gay cousin who helped raise her and her sister Solange (and who died from AIDS-related illnesses). It’s an album much different from her brilliant 2013 self-titled record or Lemonade, not born of lived experience as much as a desire to lift her forebears. Renaissance ends with “SUMMER RENAISSANCE”, which prominently interpolates Donna Summer’s “I Feel Love”, the unofficial transition from disco to house, the song where, upon hearing it, Brian Eno rushed to David Bowie claiming he had heard “the sound of the future.” Renaissance isn’t really the sound of the future, the past, or the present. It’s the sound of class in session.

[zero-cycle]

Last to know

Fundy learns the truth on a late afternoon.

“....and now that Ranboo’s dead, we no longer have to…,” Quackity explains and Fundy’s heart drops.

“What?”

Quackity interrupts himself to stare at Fundy. “The Casino opening,” he repeats. “Tuesday. I told you that yesterday already.”

“No, Ranboo’s what?”

“Dead.” Quackity sounds impatient. Brusque. Like he’s talking about customers being an annoyance, not about the death of a person.

“When?” Fundy asks and he’s not sure if he could have formulated the entire question.

“A while ago. You really haven’t been around, huh.”

“I wanted….distance,” Fundy forces himself to say and his mouth feels like it’s burning.

“During the breakout,” Quackity explains offhandedly. “Sam killed him. Turns out he didn’t have that many canon lives after all!”

He laughs a little and Fundy’s veins fill with ice.

“Why, was he important to you? I don’t remember you two being close.”

Fundy swallows around the taste of ice cream and silly summer days.

“We were in the same cabinet, Quackity,” he reminds the other.

Quackity laughs again and this time it’s bitter.

“You do remember he was a traitor, right?”

Traitor.

The word echoes in Fundy’s ears and leaves him frozen in place just like during the election, after the explosion, during doomsday.

Traitor.

Quackity had called Ranboo that, he remembers, just before the TNT hit. Schlatt spit the word at Tubbo, back during Manberg, when Fundy was too weak to do anything but cower in fear.

Wilbur had yelled it, spit flying and the shadow of his coat making him feel more threatening, when Fundy had tried to join Pogtopia.

“Aren’t we all?” he mumbles, before he can stop himself.

“What did you say?” Quackity asks and the cold tone of his voice instinctively makes Fundy flinch, expecting bottles to fly at any moment.

“It doesn’t matter.”

The words taste bitter on his tongue, like defeat and sour ash in the aftermath of a war they could never have won.

Quackity looks at him, eyes clouded with something Fundy can’t read anymore, and then tension bleeds from his shoulders. “Alright,” he says softly. “You want to take the day off?”

“Is there anything you need me to do?”

“Not really,” Quackity admits. “The opening preparations are going smoothly and you’re not needed right now.”

“Good. Thanks.”

Fundy doesn’t wait until he’s dismissed and Quackity lets him leave without another word.

It’s not true that he and Ranboo are friends.

It was true once upon a time ago, in that glorious, golden period of time where Quackity had not yet had the scar and Tubbo hadn’t yet been crushed under the weight of a presidency he never should have inherited and Wilbur had been dead underground. Eret had still been around, Niki hadn’t yet hidden her soft core behind iron walls and Fundy himself…he’d still been able to sleep.

He remembers the ice cream shop. It’d been harmless fun back then, unlike the Burger Van currently at the borders of Las Nevadas.

Their friendship didn’t last long. It died amidst the broken ruins of both of their former home while the TNT was still falling.

Fundy doesn’t like to think about that conversation and the bitterness that comes with it. Even more now that he knows Ranboo moved in with Phil and Techno after they’d screamed about their feelings and shattered their former bond even more thoroughly than Phil and Techno did to L’Manberg.

Ghost dirt clings to his hands. Did Phil enjoy the replacement grandson while he lasted, after the first one turned out to be such a disappointment?

Fundy’s feelings on Ranboo are complicated but still, he would have liked to at least know. He’s used to being the last thought, being forgotten about, being left behind - after all, if not even your own family cares to remember you, then who would? - but usually at least somebody remembered.

He doesn’t expect much.

Tubbo and Quackity would have known that he knew Ranboo, even if they didn’t remember they used to be close.

Phil could have used it as a reason to visit his grandson.

Eret would have been notified as the Ruler of the Dream SMP.

Niki used to tell him all about what the rest of L’Manberg was up to.

He laughs, a bit shrill and bitterness and resignation dripping from the sound in equal measure.

Guess he’s overestimating his own importance after all.

[safetyrat]

Ponk did a banger improvised speech in his stream yesterday (“Dream SMP---> Master Oogway shrine pt.93”), about 15 minutes in.

And I decided, as you do when your fave only feeds you crumbs of roleplay, to write a bit analyzing it (From this point on it’s all /rp)!!

Ponk starts by looking down the L’manburg crater and talking about the cycle of conflicts on the server. As one of the original eight members on the SMP he has been apart of most of it, even if sometimes neutral and from an outside perspective. Different to characters like Technoblade, he doesn’t view countries or governments as the root of said conflicts. Instead, it’s something more fundamental, basic - it’s civilization:

“Civilization is just a brutal cycle of destruction and corruption”

Before L’manburg, before any kind of power structure, there have been conflicts. The disc war, Ponks lemon trees burning - the only thing as constant as conflict on the Dream SMP is people living together in an area, trying to make it work.

“Out of corruption, friendship... you know what is born? New civilizations. And you know what happens in civilizations? Conflict”

This isn’t Ponk criticizing the concept of civilization, however. Ponk doesn’t distance himself from people in the way Techno or maybe Hbomb does, he still has attachments, his trees, pets, people, things he cares (or cared) about. Many of his builds are close to the main area. Ponk is a social character, I don’t see a reason to assume otherwise. He doesn’t criticize civilizations in general, but the ones present on the SMP right now. Because in Ponks eyes, there is only on leader fit to run.

“You see, the only man, who could run a civilization, died fighting for a civilization that he took under his wing”, Ponk says, “and he lays rest over there”

When Ponk zoomed onto Schlatts grave, it caught me off guard at first.

But it makes sense. I don’t see many people talking about it, but there was a time where Ponk was the only person on Schlatts side. He entered a trade deal with Manberg and became a loyal supporter of Schlatt. During that time there was a plotline surrounding the building of the “Manburg Hotel” – that was Ponks job. After Tubbo died during the festival he was the only builder left in Manburg.

Ponk never got to finish the hotel, he had a falling out with Schlatt about how he refused to get treated for his declining health, but the first floor and scaffolding outline stood strong until November 16th. He joined Pogtopia to be their doctor instead, being the last person to switch sides iirc, but having an argument because of Schlatts health? The thing that later caused his death? That sounds like an argument that you would have with somebody you care about. Ponk cared about Schlatt, and still supports him as a ruler after his death. There’s Fund who keeps Schlatts sword as an heirloom, and there’s Jack Manifold who takes him as an idol to “be worse”, but unapologetically supporting Schlatts leadership postmortem is special to Ponk and very fascinating to me.

Bringing back the cycle of conflict, the Pogtopia vs. Manburg war is not exempt from that. Something being part of a cycle implies that it ends.

“Nothing lasts forever”

Ponk has seen proof of that way too many times, being an original member. He watched Lemon City burn, L’manburg fall, the Community House explode, hell he was close to killing the oldest pet on the server!

“I’m sure Dream will get out of prison”, Ponk says, in a tone that is almost offhand. He is sure of it; Dream can’t be stuck in prison forever on a server in which the concept of “forever” doesn’t exist.

This is brought up when Ponk talks about the egg, which he also views as only one of the conflicts in the cycle.

“What happens after the egg? Sure, the egg could be a common enemy, or a common friend, chat. But when its gone, for things never stay the same?”

This makes him acting indifferent towards the egg feel in character. He isn’t immune to the egg in the way Tommy is for sure; he hears its voice, and it influences him to do things like almost killing Fran. But he still takes it less seriously than most, talking very casually with it (“shut yo ass up, you stupid egg”) for example. If it follows the patterns of past conflicts there is very little reason to be afraid of it, it will pass like every other conflict.

Except, Ponk might see one difference when it comes the egg: It is bigger.

“Maybe one day this conflict will get so large, that we’re pushed out of this land and into a new one”

cc!Ponk talked about how, since this bit was improvised, he doesn’t know if any of what he predicts ends up being canon in future. This still seems like a bit of foreshadowing for a long-theorized world reset after the Minecraft 1.17 update.

The update is said to come out in the summer of this year, so if the reason for the reset is really the egg like c!Ponk speculates, it’s going to be a long arc. Which the arc has been so far too to be fair, it has always had a long setup and in general a slow burn vibe. But if the egg actually continues to be an issue for another 4-5 months, the vines are going to grow so much that there won’t be a realistic way to clean them up fast, so moving would make a lot of sense.

Another option is that the SMP ends in 2-3 months instead and the content creator take a break for a month or too before creating the new world.

All of this is just speculation based on a line of Ponks that he said might not mean anything, so there is still a large chance that there will be other conflicts after the egg.

tldr: Ponk can improvise incredibly cool speeches that illustrate his opinions on how civilization causes conflict and how he believes Schlatt was the only fit ruler. It might also foreshadow that the egg will cause a server reset.

[onecanonlife]

Tommy and Wilbur fell apart a long time ago, and there was never any time to mourn the pieces of what they were.

But here's the most important thing: Tommy doesn't give up on the people he cares about.

(Or: on grieving, graves, a past that refuses to let go, and learning to look forward at long last.)

(word count: 5,619)

--------------------

“You know,” Tommy says, “I never really got to—to mourn you. Not properly, anyway.”

He’s not sure what response he’s expecting from Wilbur. He’s not sure why he’s saying anything at all. He’s not sure why he’s here.

That last one is a lie. He scuffs the ground with his shoe, and then pretends that he didn’t.

“I wasn’t expecting you to mourn me,” Wilbur says, in that stupid, even, condescending tone of his, the one that he uses whenever he thinks Tommy has said something incredibly obvious, when he’s got an idea in his head of how things are and what people mean, regardless of the way it all actually is. “In fact, I rather thought you wouldn’t. Shouldn’t, even.”

“That’s not what I’m saying.” He has no patience left. No patience left for the look in Wilbur’s eyes, no patience left for the way he focuses straight ahead, barely sparing him a glance, no patience left for the way he speaks, measured and calculating, every word he says carefully weighed against the end result, curated for intent and impact. No patience, and he had precious little to begin with. “I’m not even—this isn’t about you.”

Wilbur raises an eyebrow. It makes him look like a prick. “Oh?” he says.

“Because I would’ve,” he continues, doggedly. Now that he’s started saying it, he’s damn fucking well going to finish it. “But, y’know, you blew it all up, so we had to rebuild, and then I got exiled” —His voice doesn’t waver at all— “and then shit just kept on happening, so I never got to decide. How I felt. I never got to think about it.”

Wilbur laughs, then, and it’s the laugh that he hates, because it’s the laugh that’s not genuine. He knows what Wilbur sounds like when he’s happy, and this isn’t it. Hasn’t been it for a long time.

“Not sure there’s much to think about, there,” Wilbur says, and he scowls.

“Shut up, you prick,” he says. “And yes there was. That’s not something you get to choose. What I feel.”

“I’m not trying to—” Wilbur starts, but he shakes his head, going back to talk over him, because no, he’s not doing this. Not today, and not here.

“You are though, aren’t you?” he says. “You always do this. You go, you go mimimimi, I’m Wilbur, and I understand everything about how people think and I’m always right and you are all wrong, and you, I dunno, man. You just. You just don’t. You don’t know. You think you know things, but you don’t. You’re not always right. And I’m—I don’t fucking know why I’m bothering with this right now, but it’s not so you can tell me that I shouldn’t be. Because that’s not something that’s up to you.”

“Then why are you bothering with this?” Wilbur says, and his voice isn’t unkind, but it’s not kind, either.

“I just said I didn’t know—”

“Because if you’re asking me if you should mourn me, you already know what I’m going to say to that,” Wilbur says. “I’m right here. And I’m not going anywhere.”

“That’s the fucking problem,” he says, and tacks on a quick, “Not like that,” but Wilbur’s face has already hardened, and yeah, there’s a million better ways he could have put that, but that’s the thing about talking to Wilbur. His brain is never firing on all cylinders, as it were, because it’s too busy trying to figure out if he should associate him with warm summer days and the haze of potions and a strummed guitar or explosions and drifting smoke and blank eyes and the awful realization that what he thought would make everything right didn’t do anything at all, and that nothing would ever be right again.

And before the both of them, L’Manberg’s crater stretches out, vines trawling over the edge, leaves sprouting from between the rocks, sunlight catching on the pool at the bottom, the flag fluttering lightly in the wind. Before the both of them, L’Manberg’s crater has grown over, time pressing itself into the cracks. Before the both of them, L’Manberg is a crater. It wasn’t always.

“You make everything so fucking difficult,” he says.

“It’s what I live for,” Wilbur says.

“It’s what you died for, too,” he says.

Wilbur pauses.

“No,” he says. “It wasn’t.” But for once, he doesn’t elaborate, and Tommy glares at him. Only for a moment, because there’s no point in glaring when someone won’t see. Won’t look. Wilbur has his eyes turned to the crater, and Tommy has his eyes turned to Wilbur, and something about that is how it’s always been. The vines have grown over the earth’s old wounds, but Tommy can’t help but feel like they’ve curled around his ankles, holding him to the spot, the moment, and every moment that came before.

I never got to mourn you, he doesn’t say again. I never got to mourn you, and I feel like I should. But you’re here, and what the hell am I supposed to do with that?

Wilbur won’t hear him. And if he does, he won’t understand.

-----

He collects bits of the past like buttons, or stamps, or memories.

He has his discs. He’s hesitant to play them, even now. Hesitant to take them out of his enderchest. He has his home, still in the same spot, all this time later. His hill, his hole, his garden, their bench. He sat on that bench and heard Wilbur, once, reaching out from beyond the grave, and Wilbur told him he was proud, and something in him ached in the same way that his scars now do when it rains.

He has some of Friend’s wool. Just that, just wool, because he doesn’t know how to knit, and he doesn’t know who would teach him. He can sew a little, but it was something born of necessity, of the need to patch up uniforms and close the tears over freshly dealt wounds, and he can still feel the needle pricking into his fingers, again and again and again. He never could figure out how to hold it so that it wouldn’t. He bled for L’Manberg in more ways than one.

Deep inside a chest, he has two uniforms. Blue and red and white. One is a size too small. The other is several sizes too large, and always will be.

He still goes to pray, sometimes, though not as often as he did. He got the chance to meet god and found no one there, so it’s a little tricky, these days, being faithful. But he’ll go to Church Prime, because no one else really does, so he’ll have the whole building for himself as he strides up to ring the bell, to ask for guidance and favors, to pay his homage at the feet of a higher power that he cannot believe cares. On the best days, he’s tempted to try to conduct a service. But there’s no point when there’s no one to hear it but himself. Even he can’t bring himself to put on a show for empty pews.

He prays, and nobody answers, and sometimes he can’t help but remember the void, the tearing, ripping nothingness, raking him to shreds again and again, where he was not alone and yet nobody came.

He considers visiting Tubbo. But Tubbo has his own life, and a mansion he hasn’t moved into, and a town that Tommy does not belong to, and an allegiance that Tommy does not share. He considers visiting Ranboo, but that’s either the same as visiting Tubbo, or it’s the same as visiting Techno and Phil, or it’s the same as visiting Wilbur.

So he looks at his discs and doesn’t play them, bunches his hands in wool that he has no use for, and calls out to a god he can only now offer false homage. He holds to the past, and wishes he could believe he has a future. Wishes that he didn’t see obsidian and curtaining lava whenever he closes his eyes.

-----

The first time he hears Wilbur play again, he hides in the forest like a fucking coward.

The guitar is strummed hesitantly, haltingly, interspersed with silence every few seconds, as if Wilbur is struggling to find the old positions, struggling to move his fingers just right. He wonders, then, if limbo took away his calluses. He didn’t think to look. Thirteen odd years without playing a guitar is bound to make anyone rusty. Tommy wonders if Wilbur’s fingers will bleed if he presses down on the strings hard enough, and then he banishes the thought from his mind, because something in him revolts at the idea of Wilbur bleeding. Of Wilbur trying and trying to play until he—

There is something to be said, here, about using yourself up in the pursuit of something greater. There is something to be said, here, about holding matches ‘til they burn down to the skin, about stairs without handrails, about things that are never meant to be and yet claw their way into existence anyhow. There is something to be said about pushing too far, too quick, and flying too high.

Wilbur’s not singing. Is just going from chord to chord. And Tommy hides behind a tree, pressing his back against the bark, because it has been so very long. Wilbur didn’t play in Pogtopia. Wilbur barely played in L’Manberg. The last time he heard the twang of this instrument was sitting by a campfire, plans for a van in the works, the night sky starry and welcoming above them, his chest warm in a way that had nothing to do with the flames. And Wilbur smiled at them, smiled at all of them, and his voice was light and sure, his notes soaring.

Wilbur’s not singing. After a moment, he starts humming, softly and meandering, and each turn in the melody hits like a wrench, like he’s dragging the notes out behind them, yanking at the tune whenever it goes somewhere he doesn’t like. It’s a lot of leaps and skips and jumps, a lot of highs to lows and then highs again, and something about it sounds like wailing. There are no words, and there is no happiness.

But he’s playing. He’s playing, and does that count for something? There was no music for such a long time, no music in the darkness and no music even in the light, and now there is music in the grey twilight, and it is not happy music but it is music. Wilbur is playing again, and Tommy’s not going to cry, because what kind of pussy cries about hearing a guitar? So he doesn’t cry, but he doesn’t venture out from this spot, either. He stays there, and listens as Wilbur sends his voice shooting up into falsetto and then back down again.

It’s good that there are no words, maybe. They’d be sad. He can tell.

“That sounds nice,” Ranboo says, all of a sudden, and Tommy jolts at the same time that Wilbur’s hand must jerk, a discordant clash of notes, something that can’t even be called a chord. “Sorry! I didn’t mean to interrupt you.”

“You didn’t,” Wilbur says, after a pause. Tommy almost creeps out to see his expression, because he can’t picture it. Can’t tell from his voice what his face is doing. “I was just about done anyway.” There is another pause, and a rustle of clothing. Standing. The crunching of leaves underfoot. It’s nearly autumn again, and already the leaves are changing, falling.

It would be wrong of him to resent Ranboo. He’ll never admit it aloud, but he likes him. Rather a lot. Hiding it is probably pointless now, though that doesn’t stop him from trying. But Ranboo is occupying the space that should be his, that once was his. There is a van in a forest, and a guitar song winding its way through the branches and the roots, and everything is different and everything is the same, and the new story is written without him in it. He doesn’t know what he wants, but he thinks it is not this. He thinks it is not to be left behind.

And Ranboo does not know Wilbur well enough to hear the lie in his voice.

They go off together through the trees. Tommy stays. Runs his hand across the tree bark, and tries not to put his emotions into words. Better to let them drift along as is. Better not to give them voice, because whispers turn into shouts all too easily, and there is not enough space here for shouting.

-----

There’s a thing about graves. There’s a thing about graves and who gets one, and who doesn’t.

He didn’t think about it at the time, the fact that Schlatt—Schlatt the tyrant, Schlatt the enemy, Schlatt the man who had Tubbo executed—got a funeral, and a tomb, has one even to this day, and Wilbur got rubble and a room sealed off and untouched. Didn’t think about the fact that there was no burial. Didn’t think about the fact that there was no gravestone to deface or to ornament with flowers or to kick or to scream at or to kneel beside and speak to or to cry or to do any or all of those things. He didn’t think about it at the time, because there was rebuilding, and then there was a house on fire, and then he doesn’t like to think about it.

And there was Ghostbur.

Wilbur hates Ghostbur. It makes him angry, the way that Wilbur hates Ghostbur. Ghostbur was good, and Ghostbur was kind, and Ghostbur tried his best, and Ghostbur did not deserve to die in the way that he did, terrified, with no one there by his side, with only shouted numbers to soothe his terror, and Ghostbur does not deserve to be stuck in a train station for all of eternity. So he makes Ghostbur a memorial, because it’s all he can do, and the first time he’s next to it at the same time as Wilbur, he meets his eyes squarely. A challenge. A dare. And Wilbur looks right back at him, and then to the gravestone, and his lips curl into a sneer.

And he says nothing at all.

He says nothing at all for a long time. Until he does, and it’s all made so much worse.

“Would you rather he was here, instead of me?” Wilbur asks, and it’s all very even and nonchalant, so much so that it might have him fooled if he didn’t know better, hadn’t heard time and time again exactly what Wilbur thinks of the ghost he left behind him.

“The fuck kind of question is that?” he demands.

“An honest one,” Wilbur answers.

“Right,” he says. “Because you don’t lie anymore, or whatever the fuck.”

“I don’t,” Wilbur agrees, and that is a lie. Tommy would be insulted if he weren’t so tired of it. “Really, I’d like an answer.”

“What does it matter?” he snaps. “He’s not here anymore. He’s not here anymore, and you are. No changing that. I’m fucking stuck with you. You’re like, you’re like a leech, you know that? A leech in my brain.”

Wilbur smiles tightly.

“I’d rather be a leech in your brain than dust in the ground,” he says. “Like he is.”

“Shut up,” he grits out. “Don’t—just don’t fucking talk about him.”

“Alright, then,” Wilbur says. “I won’t. If it upsets you that much.”

And he doesn’t. And the grave stays.

And it is not until later that he thinks about the thing about graves again, about who gets one and who does not. There is no grave with Wilbur’s name on it. There was no soil to lay him to rest, only cold, hard stone, a room undisturbed, a monument to destruction. And had there been time, he would have thought about it more. Would have taken it upon himself, perhaps, because the thing is, in the end, that maybe Wilbur deserved better than to be remembered as the man who destroyed his nation. Deserved better than to be remembered solely by the ravine’s dark corridors and the smoke that clung to him like foreshadowing and the way his eyes looked dead, dead, dead for a long time before Tommy watched Phil plunge the sword into his chest.

Because he was not only that. It hurts to think about, how he was not only that. But sometimes, things that hurt to think about ought to be thought about. Because Wilbur was shattered edges that Tommy knows only now that he could not fix, because Wilbur did not want fixing, but Wilbur was also laughter and a gentle hand on his shoulder and the words “I’m proud of you” that lit him up like sunlight, and he was kind and he was kind of a dick and he was brilliant and Prime, maybe Tommy should have known. Should have known that there was going to be a fall. But he looked up to Wilbur like a child to a shooting star, and it’s a long time before children understand that shooting stars aren’t stars at all, and that the wonder of them comes from self-destruction.

But before Wilbur fell, he shone. A beacon in the dark. Hope, freedom. And before he was those things, too, he was Tommy’s brother. Just that, and nothing more, because more was not needed.

And he received no grave.

It’s a question of time again, and a question of mourning, and a question of how he was ever supposed to grieve when there was no time for it at all, and when a ghost shadowed his every footstep and dripped blue from cold fingers and insisted that nothing was ever wrong. But for the first time, he wonders how Wilbur thinks about it. Graves, and ghosts. And who gets a grave, and who does not.

Who is mourned, and who is not.

Who is given up on, and who is not.

The question echoes once again: “Would you rather he was here, instead of me?” And this time, Tommy hears no taunt in it, no mocking, no cruel joke about the ghost who deserved so much better. Only bitterness, and exhaustion, and resignation. Like Wilbur already knew what answer he would be granted.

That’s a realization of some sort, that Wilbur believes he prefers him dead. It’s a realization of some sort, but he doesn’t know what kind.

There’s ghosts and there’s graves, and there’s the living and there’s the dead, and both are left waiting for relief that never comes. It’s thirteen years in a train station and it’s months without knowing what to think, without having space to breathe, without being able to process that his brother was unwell and then that his brother was gone. It’s too much time and too little, too much distance and too little, and Ghostbur did not deserve what he got, but neither, he thinks, did Wilbur.

That thought feels right. And wrong all at once. Bitter, heart-wrenching. That Wilbur deserved better. They all did, that he knows—but Wilbur did too. And that thought is muddled up in all the rest, and he doesn’t know what to do with it, but it’s there. If there’s anything to be done with it at all.

-----

Here is a fact: he kept Dream alive for Wilbur’s sake.

Here is another fact: he doesn’t know if he regrets it.

Because here is the thing: he remembers that day, remembers the pain and the fear and the devastation, and he remembers the moment it all turned around, cowering behind Sapnap and behind Eret until the time came to step forward, to take the axe in hand and deliver the blow, to deliver himself to safety, finally, finally. And he remembers the words bitten out from Dream’s mouth, panicked, desperate, and he remembers what he said. He will never forget.

And the decision, in that moment, was far easier than it had any right to be.

It became harder, later. Because he made the decision thinking, in large part, of the person that Wilbur used to be. Of a quick, charming tongue and flashes of smiles and music and song and leadership and knowing what to do, always, and Prime above but Tommy missed that person. And so maybe he deluded himself. Maybe he thought, in that dark room, with the portal swirling behind him and the entire server at his back, that he could get that person again. That Wilbur would return, and that it could all go back to the way it used to be. Discs spinning in the sunrise, the server at peace, his brother with him.

But death put those thoughts to rest.

Because death proved to him that Wilbur had only gotten worse. Because in death, Wilbur was happy he was there, did nothing but talk to him and make him play competitive solitaire as he was torn apart atom by atom. Because Wilbur—he became so very certain that Wilbur, if released, would bring nothing but harm to the server again, would tear everything down, because there was something in his voice, in his eyes—

But that was then. And now, Dream still lives in prison, rots but lives, and Wilbur has a burger van in a forest with a friend and spends most of his days lounging about or making eyes at Quackity or talking up a storm but doing jack shit, and Tommy doesn’t know what to make of it, and doesn’t know how to admit that maybe his idea of what Wilbur would be like and what Wilbur would do wasn’t entirely accurate.

And he still doesn’t know if it was worth it. Worth the constant fear, worth knowing that one day, Dream will be out, will come to him, will try to finish what he started. He tried to prevent it and only made it worse, only led Ghostbur to his doom by his innocent, trusting hand, and Dream resurrected—

A monster, he would have said, once. He no longer knows if that is fair.

Because here is another fact, one that he is only now beginning to understand: Wilbur is very, painfully human. He’s always known, and yet he hasn’t, because once, he thought Wilbur hung the stars and the moon and all things bright and glowing and good, and he thought that Wilbur could never be so human as to be fallible, and then it turned out that he was wrong. And it was easy, in the aftermath of that, to figure that Wilbur was perhaps some kind of monster instead, and everyone around him said as much.

But that, he thinks, goes too far in the other direction.

His hopes will never be realized. He will never have the old Wilbur back. He clings to a past that clings to him right back, that has him in a chokehold and will not let go, but Wilbur is something else entirely. The rest of the past does not live and breathe, is contained in his overflowing chests, in uniforms that don’t fit him, in the church’s empty hall. The rest of the past is made of things he can hold, but he has never been able to hold Wilbur. Not then, and not now. And there is no hope of making of them what they once were.

There is no going back.

So was it worth it, then? To keep Dream alive, and to receive this, this man who varies between manic energy and calculated calm, who speaks with a whip in his tone at some times and unbearable softness at others, who proclaims Dream his hero and then claims he would have killed him, if he could, for what he did? Was it worth it, and is it worth it, and how is something like that measured at all?

Wilbur is a tightness in his chest when he speaks and a ghost that won’t leave and a ghost that died and a thousand words like a thousand stinging hornets and no picture that could encompass all of them, all of what they are and were. Wilbur is Wilbur, and Wilbur is not safe, not anymore, and perhaps Wilbur is not even good—but there, that, that is wrong, and he won’t make this mistake twice. Wilbur is good, it’s just that he’s forgotten that, and Tommy is so, so very tired of having to be the one to try and remind him. And Wilbur is empty space and Wilbur is a space too full and overflowing around the fractured edges, and Wilbur is too bright and too loud and too quiet and too little and too much, and even now, even still, Tommy does not know where they stand.

Was it worth it, to have this?

He doesn’t know. But sometimes, he imagines what it would be like if Wilbur were still dead, if Wilbur were never, ever coming back in any shape, in any form, and his throat closes up and his eyes sting, no matter how much he has laid out his hatred for the man, his regret at going into the prison that day. He tries to imagine a world without Wilbur in it, in which he has given up on Wilbur, and even now he doesn’t like it, even though maybe he should, and that is, perhaps, answer enough.

-----

“Why do you keep coming here?” Wilbur asks him.

“I dunno,” he says, instead of a hundred other things. “Why don’t you ever fucking leave?”

Wilbur just looks tired. There are bags under his eyes. Tommy thinks he can guess why; he so rarely slept during their exile, but Tommy is thinking about limbo, and train stations, and how whenever he closes his eyes, part of him is convinced that his heart has stopped beating. He wonders if Wilbur, for all his sunrise-obsession and constant movement and moments of utter wonderment at the world around him and the way he doesn’t move whenever a creeper approaches him, feels the same way.

“There was a reason I asked Ranboo to do this with me instead of you,” Wilbur says, suddenly, apropos of nothing. Tommy feels himself still. “I mean—actually, I asked Phil, and Phil was all, oh, Wil, go and make friends, and I was like fuck you I’m not twelve years old anymore but Ranboo’s pretty great so it worked out. But I—I guess what I’m getting at is that I don’t get it. Why you choose to keep coming ‘round here anyway.”

“Yeah?” he asks. “What’s not to get?”

Wilbur shoots him a look, eyebrows going up and mouth slanting all sympathetic-like.

“Tommy,” he says, slowly, as if talking to the child that Tommy has not been in a long, long time, “I’m not what you want.”

Several answers form in his head, and then dissipate just as quickly before he’s able to reply. “‘S that right?” he says, and something boils within him, hot and snapping and popping.

“I can see it when you look at me, man,” Wilbur says, and he doesn’t even sound upset. “You’re—and I mean, I don’t blame you for it. I was awful to you, Tommy. I don’t deserve anything less than your scorn. But you and everyone else, you’re all waiting for what I’m going to do next. You’re all waiting with bated breath. Scared of the next disaster I’m going to cause. So you don’t—you don’t have to be here, Tommy. Not if you don’t want to be.”

There are so many things he could say. Your disasters always cause the most damage to yourself, is one of them, and then there’s a simple, you think I don’t know that? Because how many times has he told himself that same thing? That he doesn’t need to be here? That it would be better for him if he wasn’t? And some part of him must listen, because he’s not actually here all that much. He has other things to do. A life outside of this, outside of this forest on the edge of a fake desert and a van that makes pretty shitty burgers and one Wilbur Soot, like a portrait from the past and yet nothing like that at all, because portraits are shadows, still images, permanent and unchanging, with mo mutable future, and Wilbur Soot is none of those things.

He has a life. He has Tubbo, still, even if it’s all changed. He has others. He’s not alone.

Wilbur’s right that he doesn’t have to be here.

“Stop fucking doing that,” he says. “Stop trying to make my decisions for me.”

Wilbur’s eyebrows furrow. “I’m not—”

“You are,” he says. “You always are. It’s my fucking choice whether I want to be here or not. And I’m making that choice. Not you. Me. And sure, maybe one day you’ll manage to get rid of me for good, but you’re gonna have to fucking work at it, and I don’t see you trying.”

“I thought you didn’t want me here, Tommy,” Wilbur returns, and the words seem to fall so effortlessly, like easy acceptance, and why, why is it this of all things that Wilbur seems to take in stride? Why is it this and not a thousand other things? Why is it this and not the fact that despite it all, despite every warning sign and every indication that maybe it might be better for him to give up after all, Tommy is still here?

“I didn’t want you gone, either,” he snaps, and Wilbur falls completely silent. So he continues, because who knows when he’ll have a chance to say this again? That’s the thing about chances; they’re difficult to count, impossible to anticipate, and he bollocksed up the first one he got, to try to break through. “I never wanted you gone in the first place. So maybe I don’t—maybe I don’t fucking know what I want. Because I never got to just live with that. There was never a chance to—there wasn’t even a fucking grave for me to visit. I never got to figure anything out, and now you’re back and nothing’s the fucking same, so maybe I don’t know what I fucking want. Maybe I don’t fucking know if I want you here, but I didn’t want you gone. I didn’t want you to be dead. And then you were. You just were, and I couldn’t—did you expect me to be alright with that?”

It’s a question of mourning, and a question of graves, and a question of chances and who deserves them. And Wilbur just looks confused.

Fuck him.

There’s so much more to say, and he can’t say any of it at all, and the past chokes him like a knot of vines or a clump of flowers in his throat, but he’s still breathing. He’s still breathing, breathes again, whatever, and Wilbur is the same. They’re the same in a lot of ways, maybe. On the other side of the final death, trying to hold onto and release the years gone by all at once. Moving forward, but stuck in quicksand, and they’re never going to get out if they don’t let each other.

“You’re my brother,” he says, and that’s all. As if that explains everything.

And maybe it does.

Wilbur blinks.

“Ah,” he says.

“Yeah,” Tommy says. “Fucking ah.”

“I’m sorry,” Wilbur says.

“You’d better be,” he says.

And impossibly, the vines uncurl, and the flowers come floating up, and when he takes a step forward, it comes easily.

There is a van in this forest, and it is not the same van. Some distance away, there is a crater in the ground, and nature has draped itself over the ruins of the lives they once had, and the flag still flaps at the bottom, and they are never, ever going to be able to rebuild what they lost. The crater will always be a crater, a scar in the earth. Healing, healed, grown over and stitched shut, but still a scar.

And there is a man standing in front of him who is not the same man that he knew. Not the same man that he claimed for his family, and who claimed him in return.

But he is not the same, either. Perhaps nobody and nothing is. The past clings, and he clings tighter, but perhaps he needs to loosen his grip, because despite everything, there is a future out there, somewhere past the next sunrise. They are going to get older. They are going to live. So he has his discs and his uniforms and his wool and his prayer, and he has this, too, because it is his choice. To take a step forward, and wait to be met in the middle. To dare to turn ahead, to believe that there is something awaiting him. The both of them.

And he thinks he might finally be able to let himself grieve. Grieve, and let go. Grieve the dead, and what they had, and what they might have, and grieve for the fact that there was no grieving, no grave.

And then, let himself hope that they will have better after all.

-----

The next time he hears Wilbur play, he steps out from behind the tree.

And maybe the song is a little less sad.

And maybe nothing will ever be the same as it used to be.

And maybe it will be alright.

[killmebythebeach]

A bunch of head cannons (Maybe too much). Also in talking about the characters.

I think Dream is that one design where his skin is just the static tv screen. He just constantly emits that fuzzy noise, Sam crafted him the smile mask that he can see through so he doesn't scare people.

George is just kind of the server itself. He's the same species as Hannah, but a mushroom and more powerful. If he stays awake too long, the server just kind of freezes. This is also a reason XD keeps him sleeping, it's his way of talking to George and he thinks the server is like his soap opera of mortals.

Callahan is sort of like the person who makes sure George doesn't get killed or dies while asleep, making sure he's surrounded by mushrooms and such. Deer hybrid <3

Alyssa joined the server because she knew all her friends were idiots and didn't want them to die immediately. But once the elections rolled around, she felt the pressure of choosing sides and ran away to the desert, only keeping contact with Ponk. She actually lives just a couple miles from Foolish's summer home. Her communicator actually died after a couple months and she had no way of charging it, so she lost contact with everyone.

Sapnap is a magma cube hybrid and can jump higher than most, his natural temperature runs hotter, and is fire proof. Bad found him in the nether when he was maybe 10-15 years old.

Sam was actually a normal creeper, but gained player like sentience from being struck by lightning. Instead of becoming charged, he gained intelligence and met the others on the server. Callahan taught him some Redstone, but from there he figured out a lot on his own. He's also a creeper centaur.

Ponk is actually a descendant of a fairy, a lemon tree. Their mask was also a gift from Sam because after the second or third time their tree was burnt, their immune system was weakened a considerable amount. Alyssa also wore her mask for them.

Bad is a size shifting demon from the nether, more specifically soul sand desert. He uses soul fire to gain strength, so because the egg died when near it, he was just a little weaker than normal. Because he's a demon he needs a tie to the overworld to stay there, he tied his soul and lives to Skeppy.

Tommy was grown in a lab to be a hero, project: THESEUS. The lab gave him small enhancements, like slightly stronger and just a bit more resilient, to make the Above Average Boy (TM). He then ran away to meet Wilbur. When Dream asked Wilbur if he wanted to come to the server, he asked if Tommy could go first to see what it was like. He also actually really likes gardening and making up funny songs to Wilbur playing guitar. He also made funny lyrics for his discs, but he's still a bit scared to take them out of his ender chest. Other than bringing attachment, Dream also exiled Tommy to see what his lab enhancements could do.

Tubbo is an adaptive hybrid! His hair was blond, shifting to brown when Wilbur found him, getting blue eyes from Tommy, growing small horns under Schlatt, parts of his skin being static when Dream was "helping" him with his presidency, and parts of his scars tinging black and green from Ranboo and Micheal. Tubbo also helped Wilbur write part of the anthem. He likes living in the snow because the Manberg flag had magma blocks on it, casting a heatwave over the country, and after L'Manburg blew up it got really hot from the exposed stone in direct sun.

Fundy can actually hold his breath for a very long time and swim very well because of Sally teaching him and his salmon genes. The yellow things on his hat are actually shells, and the stripes on his jacket are trans colors. Also with his dreams, he saw Eret was going to betray them but didn't think it was real, or didn't want to. He also saw Wilbur blow up L'Manburg but chose not to believe it, thinking his father could still be saved. He actually saw pretty much everything, but didn't quite understand what they were until after doomsday.

The necklace Punz wears is one of those picture lockets, but he lost the picture and can't remember what it was. The first time Dream paid him was when Dream asked for help and Punz made an off hand joke about getting money, and then Dream thought he was being serious. Him, Dream, and Sapnap were like brothers, and Punz got sadder every time he saw Dream pushing people away and diving deeper into darkness.

Purpled is an aliensent to see if the planet was colonizable, but then crashed and was stranded, all his communications down and his ship barely able to hover fifty feet off the ground. When Quackity blew it up, he essentially got rid of his chance of ever going home. Purpled's species can shapeshift, so he turned himself into the first person he saw, Punz. Eventually before trying to communicate with the native life forms, he edited his form a little so they weren't identical, keeping purple eyes and antennae, changing the colors slightly, and changing the voice up. When he moves away from the main SMP, Ponk makes sure to check up on him and that he has a way to check his communicator.

Wilbur came a month after sending Tommy. His father being a patron of life and his mother the goddess of death, he met in the middle being born as a human. The only reason Ghostbur was as active and present as he was was because he was so connected to both life and death. Since his corpse was decaying for as long as it was, Wilbur is now super weak, his flesh is thin and his eyes are rotted and gone. Much like Ghostbur, Wilbur in limbo saw what people said about him, and Ghostbur could hear that from the back of his head. Now Wilbur can hear what people say about Ghostbur and he hates it, not wanting to be connected to what he thinks like a shell of himself.

Schlatt is a ram (duh) and actually does the fainting goat thing. So when he died of a heart attack, no one knew at first if he was actually dead or not. His alcoholism stems from the revive book, as the possibility of tampering with death made him existential and scared, so to cope he drank. There are also a ton of other stuff other than revival in the book, but it's in galactic.

Skeppy was just a normal human, but after making the pact with Bad, Bad put a spell on him. Parts of him turned into diamond, protecting both his and Bad's lives. He however, is unaware of this. With the egg, he would just sit on it, the diamonds chipping away to make room for the vines.

Eret was cursed by the Wither Cult, giving them white eyes and a slowly deteriorating memory. Not sure what to do, Foolish dropped them off at the SMP. Sometimes they would dream about old memories from before the curse, but it was just glimpses so he could never tell what they meant. Once they were king, they made the Herobrine shrine subconsciously, not really sure what it was after. They also had a strange affinity of beacons and resurrection, some of their memories resurfacing when they tried to help Phil and Ghostbur revive Wilbur after doomsday. The reason people are more scared of their eyes than any other wierd eyes was because he generally looks like a normal human, but the wither along with their Herobrine origins creates an uncanny valley that people are shocked by.

Jack had red and blue irises before crawling out of hell, but after coming back the whites of his eyes also turned red and blue. He always wears 3d glasses so no one noticed, but he just thought no one cared enough to mention it. He also has a bunch of scars and burn marks that no one but him can see, therefore no one asks about them or thinks something is wrong, cementing the idea that no one cares about him.

Niki is a blaze hybrid (stole this from @/420technoblazeit) whose fire hair color changes based on strong emotion, something she bond with Tubbo for as a fellow shifter. A soft yellow in L'Manburg, brighter orange in Manburg, hot pink on Doomsday, a soul fire blue with the syndicate (which Techno hates), and a dead grey when she found out Wilbur was alive. She was also old child hood friends with Ranboo and Eret, leaving Ranboo for the SMP. Ranboo, unfortunatly, doesn't remember much more than her name. She also knows galactic from Ranboo, so she talks about her troubles to Shy the Enderman. She doesn't really know how to talk to Puffy anymore after Doomsday or finding out how she wants to protect Tommy.

Quackity can perfectly replicate someone's voice and, with a lot of effort, can completely change his form to another player. He also has very small yellow wings, too small to fly, so he almost always hides them. He used to constantly change his voice for jokes with Karl, Sapnap, and George, but he doesn't like doing it now in Las Nevadas, as he sees it as unprofessional. However, sometimes he uses when he visits Dream, changing his voice to people like George and Sapnap to make torture more effective.

In the In Between and Other Side, Karl actually looks like his old skin, or his natural state (the big purple one that inspired his sweater). But most of the time in the normal world, he looks human. With effort he can bring out the interdemential being thing, something only Quackity and Sapnap know about. The more he time travels, the easier it becomes to change, and he's even started defaulting to the other form.

HBomb is actually just a normal news reporter, sent to interview and record what's going on in the server, his first big story being the election. Upon Doomsday, the stress of seeing everyone alone, fighting, and disconnected, he ran away from the world, essentially becoming a cat lady. His undercover reporter persona is actually the cat maid. He eventually came back to the server to see how he could help after Doomsday, befriending Niki again and living with her in the underground city.

Techno is a piglin, so he's scared of soul fire. He forgot to tell Phil before he decorated the syndicate room, so he just suffers in silence. He also does better when around a lot of gold, like in the nether, and he feels drained and slightly weaker without it. Instead of just putting gold around the area (it would ruin his property value), he just hibernates. He has an emerald earing, like all of the syndicate, but his is a locket that unfolds into pictures of the syndicate.

Ant always wears a red hoodie, now ruined by the egg, that used to be Red's. On Red's death anniversary, him, Bad, Skeppy, and Sam would make cake and put flowers on his grave. He missed the last one because it was during the egg, but for a brief moment after Puffy killed him he saw Red. Red then promptly and bluntly told him to stop being a pussy (haha, cat) and that he shouldn't do all this just to get him back, one of Ant's motivators to make amends with the people he hurt while with the egg. Ant is also a shapeshifter, but can only turn into a cat.

Phil actually used to work under Foolish as a patron of life but then he had a son with the goddess of death, so his title was removed so he could be with her and he became an Angel of Death. Kristin noticed how sad he was after being released, so she gifted him wings. They were however, destroyed on November 16th. His chat also serves as messenger pigeons, which were used to send letters to Wilbur.

Connor is actually just a hedgehog who somehow befriended Schlatt. Even before the haunted mansion, Karl vented to him about his time travel troubles, not knowing he was a sentient player. As a hedgehog, no one really cares where he goes, so he goes outside the server limits to meet his friends from the haunted mansion.

Puffy is a distant relative of Schlatt, but instead of politics she went into piracy. With her mom, she went travelling the seas. One say, a storm came and wiped out her ship, her crew, her mom, everything but her. The reason she survived was because Foolish saw her and saved her. Unfortunately, Puffy hit hee head in the crash and doesn't remember anything.

Vikkstar is the equivalent of a big time celebrity, so of course his endorsement of POG2020 was a big deal.

Lazarbeam is literally just a ginger bread cookie.

Ranboo has actually met a lot of the smp before actually joining. He's met Niki, Fundy, Eret, Punz, and Dream at least. He also sees the inverted colors Enderman see. His suit was actually a gift from Eret before they forgot how to tailor. He got the crown from Techno after joining the syndicate, claiming he didn't want any syndicate members to look like trash.

Foolish came to the server most recently to check up on Eret, but he couldn't bring himself to leave again. When Puffy adopts him, he can't say no because he remembers saving her. His initial goal was to kill an ender dragon to claim the XD title and become a full god like DreamXD, but after realising someone already killed it he went into his totem if death phase. Upon meeting Eret, he got over it and they went on some silly adventures, Foolish now taking a more peaceful route.

Hannah is essentially a weaker George, as her power is tied to the plants themselves and not the entire server. She however has a lot more physical power because rose dryads like to fight because they have thorns. Since roses can be taken out a lot easier, she is essentially a glass canon. Also when around any plant, she can make it grow faster than normal.

Any guest on the server? Corpse, Pokimane, Lil Nas? They were all Slimecicle. That's how he knows where everyone is from, even outside of Las Nevadas. No one else knows this. He's also ancient, if he met Phil they would probably recognise eachother. There was an actual Charlie Slimecicle who was not a slime, but after being launched into orbit this Slimecicle decided to impersonate him.

Michael Mcchill is a sort of bounty hunter. He came to the server after hearing of all the crime, assuming there'd be a lot of bounties to collect. However, he soon learned that no one really cares if you commit a crime. He then took to reading news articles made by HBomb to see if there were any past open bounties. But after reading for a while about the server's wronguns, mostly Dream, he began to sympathise with them. And he's also a speedrunner, so maybe he could help with some bounties across other servers!

This was a very long post and i apologize, but it was so fun to finally write all these thoughts down! I hope you liked them! I can't even fit all the tags I want.

[helliontherapscallion]

Magnum Opus (Adrenaline Junkie Part 7)

Part 1     Part 2     Part 3     Part 4     Part 5     Part 6     Part 8     Part 9     Part 10     Part 11     Part 12     Part 13     Part 14     Part 15     Part 16     Part 17

Spotify Playlist (collaborative)

Warnings: swearing

Word count: 2,451

(A/N): our dear little (y/n) needed a break from the angst, so I gave them one : )

You were finally done with the prototype for your prosthetic. It took blood, sweat, and tears and hours upon hours to get the measurements precisely right, but you were finally done. You were one step closer to freedom and you were ecstatic. You were practically vibrating with excitement.

Sprinting up the stairs with your pride and joy closed and wrapped in a sheet, you made a beeline for the front door passing Philza in the process. You heard him ask you something, but you were already darting past him through the door and outside. Before long, you were at the top of the cliff you designated as your test site. 

The cliff was perfect for gliding. It towered over the ground at a perfect height for you to gain air resistance in time and overlooked a vast, empty field that stretched as far as the eye could see. A few herds of chickens and cows were scattered here and there, but if you were careful you could probably steer away. Probably. If you hit a cow, it wouldn’t hurt that much, right? 

Sliding on the prosthetic was a little bit of a struggle. You had to awkwardly twist your body around and uncomfortably reach for your upper back to fasten the leather belts securely around your nub, but you would get faster at it once you put it on more. Smiling in satisfaction when it was on, you tested out the abduction and adduction capabilities of the iron joints by pulling on the string you attached to the ends of each joint. The wing opened and closed with ease.

Now, the only thing you had to test out was if it worked or not. You backed up to the point of the cliff where it started to slope down and took a few deep breaths. Here goes nothing.

You broke into a sprint towards the edge of the cliff. The precipice was coming nearer and nearer, there’s no backing out now, you had to follow through if you wanted a successful flight. If you killed yourself in the name of innovation, then so be it. 

When you bunched up the muscles in your legs to jump out as far as you could, you pulled the rope that extends your wing and firmly pulled it taut. You wobbled in the air slightly before you stabilized yourself. The air was flowing freely past you as you glide through the warm summer air. 

You started to laugh loudly in triumph as you soared through the air. For the first time in almost one and a half years, you felt truly free. You felt infinite even like nothing could drag you down. Time around you seemed to slow down as you relished the feeling of freedom and being emancipated from your life on the ground. The warm air rustling through the base of your feathers on your left wing felt like heaven. 

Unfortunately, what goes up must come down. You were getting closer and closer to the ground, so you had to land. You extended your legs under you and your feet made contact with the grass below you. Your momentum made you take a few swift steps forward, but overall, you landed safely. 

Cackling, you jumped up and down in place and repeatedly punched the air. Your wing fluttered happily rustling the strands of grass around you with strong gusts of air.

“YES YES YES YES I FUCKING DID IT!”

“I’M BRILLIANT!”

“HOLY SHIT!”

The nearby herds of animals scurried away from you, their peaceful grazing interrupted by your excited shouting. Normally you would’ve felt bad for them, but you didn’t care; your invention worked! You had to show your family, they had to see this.

Philza was startled by the front door bursting open and banging against the wall. Your loud voice booming through the silence of the house. There goes his quiet day.

“DAADDDDD, WILBUR, TECHNO, TOMMY COME HERE I FUCKING DID IT! I! FUCKING! FIGURED! IT! OUUUUTTTT!”

You heard footsteps running towards you as Philza ran down the hallways and into your field of vision. His startled wide eyes scanned your form. Your face was split in a wide grin and your eyes were impossibly wide as they regarded him. Your entire body was practically vibrating like you were barely keeping your excitement and elation at bay. Your wing was flittering rapidly behind you.

But what caught his eye was the leather attached to your back where your other wing was supposed to be. It was the exact same size as your left wing.

“I-Is that…?”

You giggled uncontrollably in glee. “Yes! Oh, I need to show you how it works!”

You grabbed his hand and drug him to the couch with a surprising amount of strength. Plopping him down, you began spewing and gesturing wildly towards your newest invention.

“Ok ok ok, so this is just a prototype of course, but I was inspired by a bat’s wings with the leather and the general structure. I made the joints and the structural support rods out of thin iron so that it doesn’t weigh it down or make any drag. I can open and close it with this,” you pulled the rope and the wing opened, “and I have a hole for my wing to go into and it’s secured by belts and it even lets me glide and ohmygoddadisntitamazing?”

Philza looked at you with disbelief as you rattled on about how your invention works. How exactly did you make this without him noticing that you were making it? Where did you learn how to work with leather? When you were done, he looked at you with a smile.

“It’s fantastic hun. But how do you know that it lets you glide?”

You paused and gave him a sheepish smile. “About that… I may have, kinda… sorta, jumpedoffacliff.”

“You what? Do you understand how dangerous that was?”

You felt a burning anger flare up from deep inside of you. You just found out that you could somewhat fly again and he has the audacity to not care. “Yes, but how was I supposed to know if it worked or not? It’s not like I have anyone with the same sized wing as I do. The measurements had to be exact. One wrong measurement would make you crash! But that’s not the important part, I can fly again! Don’t you care about that?”

His eyes softened. “Of course I do, (y/n). It’s amazing that you can fly again but I’m just worried about how you tested it out. What if it didn’t work? You could’ve died again, (y/n).”

You felt your eye twitch. “Dad, life is all about risk. If you don’t take a risk every now and then, you’re just… standing still! What kind of life is that?”

He held your heated glare with sad, desperate eyes. “I… I just can’t lose you again, (y/n). Promise me that I won’t lose you again. That you won’t do reckless things like this anymore.”

Oh.

You let your stance relax and your left wing tucked itself back in. Walking over to him, you sat next to him, wrapping your left wing around him in an awkward kind of side hug. Fiddling with your thumbs, you replied softly. “You aren’t going to lose me again anytime soon, that I can promise you, but I can’t promise that I won’t do reckless things. Like I said, life is all about risks. You have to take them if you wanna move on. I wanna move on with my life, I’m sick of being stuck in one place.”

He rubbed at his eyes tiredly as he sighed. There was no convincing you when you were like this. He’s learned that trying to steer you in another direction is like Sisyphus finally reaching the top of the mountain only to have the massive stone roll back down again. Getting you to agree was something that went against your motives just wasn’t going to happen. 

“...Do you want to move out?”

“What? Nonononono, I don’t want to move out yet. I just meant that I was tired of not moving on with life after that thing took my wing.”

He gave a watery chuckle. “Good, I wouldn’t have anybody to make me breakfast in the mornings or split wood with me if you moved out.” 

He twisted his upper body towards you and pulled you into a warm hug. “I’m not leaving anytime soon. You don’t need to worry about me anymore.”

You two stayed like that for a while before he pulled back and gestured for you to turn around. You obliged and he got a closer look at your prosthetic, opening and closing it with the rope.

“...This is just a prototype. I’m still trying to figure out a way to automatically move the wing without having to pull the rope.”

He hummed in thought. “Have you thought about using redstone?”

“Yeah, but everything’s just too… bulky. I might have to make a tiny sensor so that it receives impulses from my muscles and moves when I want it to. That’s gonna take me a long time.”

“I’m sure that you’ll figure it out soon, you’re creative. Probably the most innovative of your generation… I’m proud of you, ya know. You’ve grown up and overcome so much in such a short amount of time.” He said genuinely.

You felt your face heat up and a small smile shaped your lips. You loved it when people praised you for your achievements, especially your dad. It warmed your heart to hear that he’s still proud of you, even if you’re almost an adult now. 

He clapped a hand on your shoulder and started to walk to the door.

“...Where are you going?”

He looked over his shoulder with a smirk. “We are gonna go find your brothers so we can show them how amazing you are.”

Your eyes lit up and your previous excitement returned tenfold. Laughing boisterously, you grabbed his hand and started sprinting, dragging him behind you. He laughed with you as he kept up with you with ease. 

You two ran until you hit the forest where Tommy was with Tubbo at the goat hybrid’s bee farm. They looked at you with alarm as you both almost crashed into one of the hives. Bees buzzed around peacefully, completely contradicting the energy you and Philza had. 

“Tommy, Tubbo, you have to follow us!”

They glanced at each other. “Why-”

You shushed them. “No questions! I have something to show you!”

You turned on your heel and started to sprint towards the woods where you can hear the soft strumming of a guitar. 

“WIILLBURRRRR”

His head poked out from behind a large tree trunk. “What could you possibly want? I’m practicing.”

“No time to explain, follow me.”

You once again ran away towards the shooting range Techno was in. Currently, he was working on his aim with a crossbow. 

“Techno!”

He jumped and accidentally pressed the trigger, making the arrow completely miss the target by several feet. He lightly glared at you. “(Y/n), don’t do that. I could’ve sho-”

“Sorry Tech, but you’re coming with me. I have something to show you.”

Like you did with Tommy and Wilbur, you darted off without letting him respond. In no time, you and your family reached the cliff. At the top, you turned towards them with a slightly crazed grin and sparkling eyes. They looked extremely confused as to why they were up there.

“I bet you’re all wondering why I’ve brought you here today. Well boys, I present to you,” you paused for dramatic effect, “my magnum opus!”

You yanked the rope and your leather wing extended with a glorious fwoosh. You watched as their jaws dropped and they looked at you with differing expressions. Philza looked at you with beaming pride, Techno and Wilbur looked at you with complete surprise, Tubbo smiled widely at you, and Tommy was speechless.

Grinning wider, you pointed out all the intricacies of your invention. They all listened attentively, absorbing every single detail you explained. They were fascinated with the idea of using prosthetics. 

You smirked. “Now, I’m sure you all would like a live demonstration. Step aside.”

You turned around and started walking towards where you started your take off earlier. You steeled your nerves and broke into a sprint. Once again jumping off the cliff and pulling your wing open, you heard your family gasp as you wobbled in the air slightly before you steadied yourself and began gliding. Their horrified gasps and shouts quickly turned into cheering as you glided away from them. 

As you were midair, you heard the flutter of feathers behind you as Philza appeared in your peripheral vision. He was grinning widely at you as his giant wings flapped to keep him next to you. You grinned back and in that moment, everything felt right. You would always have your family to support you.

You landed safely on the ground with a few steps and Philza followed suit, pulling you into a soft winged hug. You squeezed him back with vigor.

“(Y/n),” he whispered. “I am so, so proud of you, my little inventor.”

You felt tears sting your eyes as you hugged him tighter. You could hear your brothers and Tubbo (whom you considered your pseudo brother at this point with how often he hangs around the house) running towards you two. It would be a minute or two until they reached you. Until then, you just wanted to stay in your dad’s loving embrace. 

“OI DAD DON’T HOG THEM!”

You were ripped away from Philza’s comforting embrace and pulled into Tommy’s chest. He squeezed you in a bone crushing hug and started to spin you around.

“(Y/N) THAT WAS SO FUCKING COOL! THE WAY YOU FLEW WITHOUT BOTH WINGS HOLY SHIT THAT WAS POG!”

He let you go and you were given a congratulatory pat on the back and wide smile from Tubbo, who wasn’t quite accustomed to you yet. Techno smiled at you with pride and rustled your hair and Wilbur swung his arm around your shoulders, leading you back towards the house. “Well, I say this calls for a celebration.”

The feathers on your wing fluffed up proudly at the praise. “I’m down, but first could one of you help me take this off? It hurts after a while of wearing it.”

The rest of the night was illuminated with laughter and joy, the house booming with life. This was another moment where you felt infinite in the universe, surrounded by the people you hold dearest.

Taglist (comment if you want to be added):

@acecarddraws  @goldenstarofthunderclan  @ravennightingaleandavatempus  @dirtydiavolo  @yeiras-world  @immadatmostthings  @hee-hee-haw  @jackalopedoodles  @m1lkmandan  @vanhakirja  @im-a-depressed-gay  @coolleviauchihadreamerlove  @questioning-sanity  @camisascam

@bongwaterflavoredgatorade  @kakamiissad  @jayistrash4  @lifestylesleep  @speedymaximoff  @sun-shark-tooth  @appetiteofapeoplepleaser  @lestrangenymph  @kinismanditory  @dragons-lurk-here  @rinzyx05  @the-wandering-pan-ace  @sparkling-gayyyy  @angelic-scent  @shinipii  @dont-hug-me-im-a-fander  @izzydimensional  @used-avocado

[findingjoynweirdstuff]

Dream SMP Recap (April 29/2021) - Prison Break

It’s finally time for Tommy to break into Pandora’s Vault and kill Dream once and for all. He brings Ghostbur along, and things don’t go to plan.

Jack’s plans have been foiled once again, and he speaks with Foolish, finding out that Foolish is another investigator working on the missing nuke situation. 

Later, Ranboo breaks some news to Phil...

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VOD LINKS:

Foolish

Tommyinnit

Jack Manifold

Ranboo

Captain Puffy

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- Foolish continues work on his summer home Nether portal entrance. Sam comes over to judge the block palette he’s using for the floor

- Foolish asks Sam what happened at the Red Banquet. Sam is confused. Wasn’t Foolish there?

- Foolish wants to know what happened after he...you know (died). Sam tells Foolish that he has quarantined the Egg, and it will be locked away shortly. As for everyone else, Quackity arrived and no further casualties happened. No more Egg.

- Sam tells him the build is coming along well and leaves Foolish to think about what he said.

- Foolish isn’t sure if he entirely likes the idea that the Egg is so tough, but at least it seems like a win for now. He’ll have to ask someone later.

- Tommy meets with Ghostbur, Ranboo and Tubbo at the watchtower to gather up everything before the final plan. 

- Tommy and Ghostbur go to the prison together. Tommy will sneak in after Ghostbur using invisibility. 

Ghostbur: “Tommy, I need to ask you...promise -- you promise me they’re not gonna try and -- and revive me, right? They’re not gonna try a revival.”

Tommy: “Let’s not use the r-word, Ghostbur, we’re fuckin’ fine!”

- Friend is there. Tommy suggests they take Friend with them. 

- They go over the items they have.

Ghostbur: “You know, Tommy, whenever I get scared, I always go to Friend. ‘Cause Friend knows exactly how to calm me down, he always knows how to make me happier, and he always knows -- he knows what to do. He knows how to make it better.”

Tommy: “And he’s blue.”

Ghostbur: “He’s really blue!”

- They say some parting words to Tubbo and Ranboo and head to the prison. 

- They bring Friend through the Nether portal entrance, but can’t get him to go back through, so they leave Friend in the Nether for the time being. Ghostbur assures Friend that he’ll be back in a little bit.

- Ghostbur greets Sam at the lobby, Tommy now invisible.

- Ghostbur reviews the waivers and signs his name.

Sam asks the questions:

“When is the last time you visited the prison?”

“I don’t think I’ve been here, but my memory is quite bad.”

“Where is your current place of residence currently located?”

“L’manburg.”

“Do you believe that the prisoner is deserving of being locked up?”

“Um...I guess so...yeah, I mean you guys seem to know what’s right.”

“What are your prior relations with the prisoner?”

“Uh...He exiled me and Tommy to a holiday, uh...he also did bad things before, but I don’t remember them. Is this a history quiz? Am I doing okay?”

- Ghostbur answers the rest of the questions and goes to the locker rooms.

- Sam leads Ghostbur through all the security measures. Tommy sneaks behind, still invisible, trying not to be noticed.

- Ghostbur asks about the courtyard. Sam says there’s nothing in it.

- Ghostbur signs the other two waivers and they reach the lava wall.

- It falls, and Tommy follows Ghostbur across the bridge. Just as they reach the platform to Dream, though, Tommy pulls out the Netherite Axe and Sam shouts at them to stop.

- Sam tells whoever’s invisible to get back on the bridge or else they’ll be killed. Reluctantly, Tommy gets back on the bridge and Sam brings him back over to the other side, giving him a bucket of milk to get rid of the invisibility.

- He sees that it’s Tommy and shouts at him to ask what he’s doing breaking into the prison, that Sam should kill Tommy for violating the contract. 

- Dream calls for Sam to let him out or else he’ll revive Wilbur. 

- Dream disappears for a moment in the panic. Tommy tells Sam to let him back over but Sam tells him to stand to the side.

- Dream reappears and reveals that he has the book in his hand. 

- Tommy and Ghostbur count to ten together to help Ghostbur calm down.

- Sam starts bringing down the lava wall, insisting that he can’t bring back the bridge. 

Ghostbur: “Tommy, you said it would be okay!”

Ghostbur dies and leaves the game as the lava wall falls.

- Sam tells Tommy he’s never coming back to the prison and starts leading him out.

- Tommy tells Sam he’ll kill him.

Sam: “Do it then.”

Tommy: “You know what, Sam, you’re corrupt.”

Sam: “I am not corrupt, Tommy. Everything I’ve done, I did to try and help the server.

Tommy: “You let me die!”

Sam: “You’re so lucky I don’t kill you right now. You should be dead, Tommy.”

Tommy: “Sam. Where’s Ghostbur?”

Sam: “Shut up, Tommy, I don’t want to hear it, I should’ve killed you right when I saw you on that bridge. You should be dead...The only reason you’re not dead is just because -- just don’t -- shut up, Tommy, I don’t want to hear anything else. Go.”

...

Sam: “You did this. You can blame me all you want, Tommy, this is not my fault. You did this.”

Tommy: “Sam. Go to Hell.”

Sam: “Say what you want, Tommy, I don’t care. I don’t care. I told you you weren’t gonna come in here again. I said no one else was gonna come in here. Every single problem at this prison was caused by you! Everything is perfect when it’s just me and him! Nothing bad has ever happened, until you started coming here! You are the greatest security risk on this server for this prison, and keeping him locked up! What were you thinking?! What did you think was going to happen?!”

Tommy: “Stop talking to me! Stop! Let me out, let me out the prison.”

Sam: “This is -- I cannot believe you, Tommy. You should be dead. I should’ve killed you. I should’ve just shot you when you were over there.”

“Tommyinnit, let me make something clear to you. You are never to come to this prison again. And if I ever see you even near the grounds of this prison one more time, I will murder you. I will take your last canon life and then I will hunt the ghost that remains. Do you understand me? I will not let Dream escape this prison, and you seem to be the only one that wants him to be free for some reason, even though we’re -- come on, Tommy. Go.”

- Tommy exits the prison with Friend and meets Ranboo and Tubbo outside. He tells them that Wilbur is back, and Ghostbur is gone.

- There’s only one way to know for sure: Tommy leads them over to L’manhole to visit the place where Wilbur died. 

- They find him standing at the shrine. 

Wilbur: “Oh...hello again.”

- Wilbur asks if this is real, who’s Friend. Tommy tosses him some blue but he doesn’t take it. 

- He steps out and sees the crater, thinking it was his doing, that Tubbo has been running this place. He’s missed a bit. 

Wilbur: “I’m alive! Tommy, I’m alive! I have spent thirteen and a half years in the fucking -- oh, what is this, what have you been making art? Making geometric art on the roof? Track and field?”

- Tommy tells him it was Dream and Techno. Wilbur runs up the hill. 

Wilbur: “Tommy, this is bliss! Oh my god the sunrise -- where’s the sunrise, I need to watch the sunrise -- Oh! ...Tommy, I’ve waited so fucking long. Tommy, I have been waiting for over a decade in mere darkness...and this is my sunrise, this is my sunrise -- this is mine! This is mine, Tubbo!”

- He notices Ranboo. Some new faces! 

- He tells Tommy that he cherished the day that Tommy came and they played solitaire. Tommy tells him it was the worst time of his life, and Wilbur says the same. 

- As for Ghostbur, Wilbur knows him. He asks what Tommy’s version of the afterlife was like. 

Wilbur: “I guess everyone has their own personal limbo. Okay. Tommy, I don’t know if you remember me telling you this, it was quite a few years ago for me now, but...my personal limbo was a train platform, Tommy. It was a train platform. No matter where I looked, no matter where I went, just concrete walls all around, and a tube, with a track, running straight along.”

“It doesn’t matter what I did, Tommy, I could claw at the walls. I could bash on the doors, I could scream for help -- I screamed until my lungs were sore, ‘til my voice was hoarse -- and nothing ever changes, nothing ever comes, nothing ever helps you, Tommy. And then you arrive -- you arrive, and it was great! And then you left. You got on a train and you left!”

“And Tommy, the last thing I saw, was a train pulling in, and there were two people on that train. One man, a desaturated me, came rolling into town, came rolling into Limbo -- my Limbo! He’s in my Limbo! His face was steaming with tears, they looked like they were burning him? I don’t know. But do you know who else was on that train, who was conducting the train, who let me out, Tommy?”

“It was Dream. It was Dream. My hero, my fucking hero, Dream, saved me from that hell! Tommy, I thought I wanted to die. All those -- that decade and a half ago, I thought I wanted to die! I thought I wanted to die, but now I’ve seen what Hell is! Now I’ve seen the other side. Tommy, I’ve been given a new lease on life -- there’s so much I need to do, Tommy, there’s so much I gotta do, there’s so much -- Tubbo, are you coming? And Ranboo...Ranboo...I know so much about you, Ranboo."

- Ghostbur’s memories start coming back to him as he remembers the sewer. Tommy tells him that things have changed, and Wilbur is responsible for all the pain that so many people have went through.

- Wilbur asks him if he’s trying to make him feel like he felt in Pogtopia again. 

Wilbur: “I have this lease on life, and by God, if life’s a fucking horse, I’m gonna ride it, Tommy!”

- Telling them all that he has things to plan, Wilbur leaves them for next time.

Ranboo: “...What the hell did you do?”

- Since the server has been very uneventful, Jack continues on his plan to build a pub

- He’s eager to become a prison guard so that, when Tommy goes back to the prison, he can kill him!

- Jack finds out that Tommy already went to the prison. He’s distraught. All of that was for nothing?

- He doesn’t know where Tommy and Dream are, and those were the only two people that mattered. And now the only person online on the server is Technoblade.

- Jack asks Technoblade if he knows what’s going on with Tommy. Techno says Tommy died, didn’t he? (He’s been quite out of the loop)

- Jack tries to go into the prison but it doesn’t work.Techno points out that the best way to get into jail is to commit a crime. Jack thinks that’s not such a bad idea. Techno recommends arson and/or tax fraud.

- Jack builds a penis on the prison entrance to try and get Sam’s attention. It doesn’t work.

- He notices Foolish wandering around and follows after him. They talk for a bit about Jack’s plans. Foolish brings up the missing nuke. Jack didn’t realize Foolish knew about it.

- They discuss possible suspects for who could’ve stolen the nuke. Foolish tells Jack about him and Tubbo interrogating HBomb. Techno said no, and Quackity said no as well (him and Techno are on good terms), and it couldn’t have been Jack. Foolish suggests Sam.

- Jack doesn’t think Sam’s a good suspect, but he goes along with Foolish’s idea in order to possibly interview Sam later. 

- Ranboo joins the game, still at L’manhole. He starts walking.

- Ranboo doesn’t like Wilbur, since according to the legends he’s heard, he was... “A villain, basically.”

- Phil is online... Ranboo rehearses what he’s going to say to him to break the news as he farms wheat.

- He heads back to the Arctic. Phil is home. Ranboo goes inside, sits Phil down, and tells Phil that Tommy had a plan to go into the prison with Ghostbur and kill Dream.

- Ranboo tells him. When Tommy came out...Ghostbur was not with him. Dream is still alive. Phil asks if Ghostbur got lost, and Ranboo breaks the news that Wilbur has been revived.

- Phil jumps up. This changes everything! He was reading up on resurrection, and Dream had the right book -- and he revived Wilbur, but why? Is Wilbur any different? Phil has so many questions.

- Ranboo doesn’t know if he was normal because he’d never met him. He said he was in a train station for thirteen years.

- Phil is shocked by this. Thirteen years is a very long time to be away. He might not be the same person.

- Ranboo tells Phil that Wilbur thinks the crater is what he did. Phil asks if Ghostbur’s memories are there. Ranboo says that he started to. He knew a lot about Ranboo. Phil has a lot of questions.

- Phil asks where Wilbur is. Ranboo says they saw him at L’manburg, but he’s not there anymore.

- What Phil is scared of is what Wilbur has been thinking about this whole time. People can change a lot in a single year, two years, five years. Wilbur was gone for thirteen. 

Phil: “I don’t know if he’s going to be the same Wil I knew.”

“I need to prepare. I need to be ready for when he eventually comes to see me, because he probably has some questions...if he’s been sitting on what happened for thirteen years, then we have a lot to talk about. I think I know where he might be...I’ll talk to you later, Ranboo.”

- Phil leaves.

- Ranboo steps outside and looks at the blue, suddenly realizing that Ghostbur is gone. But maybe Wilbur’s turned over a new leaf. Ranboo’s optimistic.

- Wilbur seemed to be fond of Tubbo, and Tubbo described how Wilbur had affected him.

- Ranboo looks at his Memory Book and the message the Enderwalk left him. This is what he has to do.

- What he has to do is keep a close eye on Wilbur, and he knows exactly the people who can help him with that. 

- Ranboo heads back to the main area. Antfrost comes running by dressed as Badboyhalo in a maid outfit.

- Ranboo makes his way to the Disruption Hole and drops down to the bottom, where he comes face to face with a group of Endermen. He asks them to do a favor for him -- keep an eye on Wilbur for him.

- Ranboo goes back to the Arctic to create an obsidian mailbox for the Council to give him news. Learning to speak Enderman was a good idea. That was the good thing about the experiments.

- When Tubbo described Wilbur to Ranboo, he said that Wilbur really liked debates. That little courthouse in the sky? Maybe they should fix it, maybe if he does then Wilbur will warm up to Ranboo and like him.

- Ranboo goes to King’s Court and starts fixing it up.

- When push comes to shove, he’s going to have to be on Tommy and Tubbo’s side.

- He realizes he didn’t tell Phil about Wilbur calling Dream his “hero.”

- Ranboo and Tubbo had some fun playing chess while waiting for Tommy to kill Dream.

- Wilbur has no idea about the Egg either.

- Ranboo finishes working on King’s Court and leaves a message for Phil saying that Wilbur considers Dream his hero.

- Wilbur also has no idea about Michael...

- Ranboo goes over to the Egg Room to grab a Netherite block.

- Tubbo logs on and they hang out for a while

- They mess around in the spider spawner, playing with item frame pictures.

- Puffy works on the graveyard and hangs out with Sam, Bad and Eret

---

Upcoming Events:

- Quackity’s business opening

- Dream’s lore video

- Bad’s Egg lore stream

- Tales From the SMP: “Space Race”

[dodo-begone]

See's Dodo and anons reaction to last ask.

Me: externally blushing like crazy. Internally AAAAAAAHHAHAHAHAHA *squealing noise s*

Well you know what they say the show must go on.

Wilbur was the first of the royals to really notice, after all most of his time with you was spent inside in the library since he had convinced his father to allow him to teach you instead of hiring teachers, but you never had less than two layers of clothing on even when indoors you had a large shirt and coat on. Even if it was winter now you were first brought to the castle in summer but you attire remained the same a shirt two sizes too big and a coat also large on you it was a small wonder you didn't suffer form heat stroke, maybe it was a case of those being the only clothes you owned well that wouldn't do it would be a poor showing if visiting diplomats thought they treated their (new sibling) guests with such little care and honesty buying you a new wardrobe didn't even make a dent in his personal finances. Still it was strange that both you and Tommy insisted on your new clothes being a size or two too big and also made of lighter cloth not the wool that was so common for winter attire but at the very least your and Tommy's insistence meant that he got to choose the colours of the outfits in return. Of course the main colours were white and a navy blue you were a member of the Royal (family) Court now it was only right you wore their colours, still the insistence on lighter materials for your clothes did worry him a little the winters were harsh he didn't want his (sibling) little brothers friend getting sick maybe he should bring this up with the others maybe they would know why you never took off that coat.

Techno hadn't noticed the whole coat issue until his twin pointed it out but now that Wilbur had he couldn't stop noticing it. Even when you spared with him you didn't take off the coat heck you never wore armour saying that armour only slowed you down, you had even balked, gone pale when he offered you enchanted iron armour turning down the gift and walking swiftly away. At first he and chat had felt rather rejected (sibling rejection arc, pog, e, e, Technosad) after all you had even if reluctantly accepted Wilbur gift of a new wardrobe but you were rejecting his gift, he had wanted to give you armour so he could teach you his style of fighting but you didn't want that apparently. Though now he thought about it your and theseus's apparent insistence on lighter fabrics and the rejection of the iron armour might not be as coinsidental as he might have thought, after all he had seen you shivering a few times when you thought he wasn't looking but you had refused the much warmer wool for cloth so it wasn't just you being stubborn did, did you have some sort of skin problem or other ailment that caused you pain or irritation if you wore heavy clothes or armour. Oh of course you would go pale at the idea of wearing iron armour if that was the case plus it would explain the constantly wearing a coat since you probably didn't want them to know out of misguided fear of their reaction after all he had seen how superstitious some peasants could be about such conditions from his time training new soldiers. Theseus would know you did have such a condition after all you were practically joined at the hip, but it was getting very late, tomorrow he would find Theseus and ask if he knew the reason why now he needed to find his father.

Tommy most certainly did know the reason why you never wore armour and always had a coat on. He was currently sat on your bed, both of your backs to the door, preening the reasons why you letting out quiet chirps as he helped straighten and re-aligh your feathers, after all your wings didn't exactly appreciate being covered by your coat the whole day he couldn't even imagine how much worse your wings would have been if Wilbur hadn't listened and just gotten a heavy wool coat. He remembered when your wings first came through a few years ago when your friendship was still new, you had been complaining about a rash that had suddenly appeared on your back a few days prior only to fall to the ground in pain mid sentence, he was honestly grateful that his family didn't keep track of their potion supply considering how many regen potion you needed when your wings came out leaving rather large exit wounds on your back, if he wasn't able to get those potions he didn't even want to think about what could have happened to you. Now you were here though and he couldn't let anyone know about your wings if even a servant or stable boy saw it would trickle back to his brother and his dad if Philza found out he would never let you leave, you would become as trapped as him maybe even more so due to his dad's instincts. Unfortunately since both of your backs were to the door neither of you spotted the winged watcher peering through the cracked open door.

Philza was on his way to his newest (child) guests chambers after his eldest two had come to him with worrying news about their newest ( family member) permanent. Wilbur told tales of light clothing even in winter while Techno quiet shared his own worries of them being ill and hiding it from them but to him those weren't the signs of illness no they were signs that you were like... no he should get excited it was probably an illness after all his investigations had shown that it wasn't just bandits that ravaged his nation but hybrid hunters a particularly disgusting breed of bandit that targeted hybrids to sell as pets or in the case of winged hybrids to harvest their wings as decorations. That infuriated him after all he had founded this nation to be a safe haven for hybrids but due to his own negligence they were hunted down, if you were like... him it would be a small miracle that you hadn't been taken by those hunters. Reaching the room in question open a crack he went to knock when he heard a soft chirping pausing he looked through the crack to see his youngest preening his (baby bird) guest's wings, rushing back to his own chambers he could just hear chat cawing ( baby bird, dadza, dadza, protect, keep, baby bird) he couldn't keep the massive grin off of his face as it all came together. Of course you didn't wear heavy clothing you had been hiding your wings it would mangle your feathers if you wore heavier clothing over them, the iron armour was rejected because you couldn't wear it full stop even with your wings out your bones wouldn't be able to take the weight since they were partly hollow, oh he had a little bird to teach flying and how to properly preen. His emotional high crashed though as he realised that you ran your farm alone, were you alone when your wings came through, its was the worst pain on could feel wings slowly ripping their way out of your back plus you could easily bleed out or get an infection if the open wounds weren't taken care of properly, oh you poor dear no wonder you were so attached to Tommy he was the only flock member you had. No longer though he would look after you he knew his sons had grown to care for you as much as they had Tommy, his more bird like instincts rejoiced at the thought of a fledgling joining his little flock.

Ender-anon

This is quite a bit longer than I thought it would be also first time writing hybrid reader.

sorry i took so long to answer this!! This just rlly intimidated me and anxiety went brrrr- but anyways lemmie get into this ask!!!

YOU FUCKING DESERVE THE RECOGNITION MAN UR STUFF IS SO FUCKING POG

god i rlly love royalty aus, did i ever mention that??? i just lOVE- ANYWAYS

So Wilbur's curiosity about your clothing choice only lead him to believing that what you wore was all you could afford in your previous life. He wasn't exactly wrong. And even with the new clothes you got when you moved into the castle, you refused to wear them. It was rather peculiar. Wouldn't you want to get out of those nasty and worn rags you called clothes? But you were new to the castle. He went with the presumption that the shock from the change was frightening. You must've kept your previous clothes as a safety blanket of sorts. Though after a few nasty looks sent your way over your apparel and your very obvious discomfort about it, he decided to take the executive decision to give you clothes that fit your taste and the taste of the court. Your choice to have oversized clothing confused him, but Tommy's insistence just made him presume you were self conscious of your body. To be fair, he wasn't half wrong but he was.

At the rejection of his gift, his and chat's disappointment were more than evident. Was his twin better or something? Like you accepted his gift, although reluctantly. But you still accepted it. And yet you didn't accept him. Looking back on your fear of the armor, he thought more into it. Yes the skin issues was definitely something to consider, but maybe trauma? No, trauma of armor would be strange, right? Maybe you had a family member who wore armor yet died in front of you despite their armor being worn to protect them. Or some other fear. Yea, the skin issue would be much more reasonable, actually. He'll just bring it up with father, let him know of the possible issues with their new family member.

One of the activities you two did on the daily was straighten out your feathers at the end of the day or when they were bothering you. Though the latter only happened when you two were in private. Nobody could know your secret, after all. It was for your protection and to preserve your freedom. At first, when your wings were coming in, he was absolutely terrified for you. What the fuck was going on? This isn't normal! Oh god oh fuck what is he suppose to do?! With an oversupply of potions thanks to the paranoia of attacks on the family and accidents during training, it was beyond easy to take what he needed for you. If anyone was questioned about it, he could easily say that some trainees took some.

OMG ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME FUCKING CRY WITH THIS PHILZA PART?! BEACUSE I WILL CRY THIS IS SO MF CUTE- I JUST CAN'T I LOVE SO MUCH- I CAN'T ADD ANYTHING TO THAT PERFECT- I COULDN'T RLLY ADD ANYTHING TO WHAT YOU SENT ME AND I APOLOGIZE. I JUST LOVE AAAALLL OF THIS