#that's also very specific to using they/them as default until you learn that person's pronouns

[nothorses]

the thing that’s really getting me about all the ppl theorycrafting why exactly you’re getting degendered is like… even if these *extremely* charitable readings were true, they would still be misgendering you??? like it doesn’t actually matter if “it’s coming from a place of consideration and care” because they’re still using the wrong pronouns for you

Literally exactly.

And like... I know a lot of these folks do ultimately have good intentions. I'd be willing to bet a lot of them are "just being careful", in their own minds.

But. it doesn't matter, actually. If you got my pronouns right when you thought I was cis, and they're suddenly too hard for you only once you know I'm trans, there's no non-transphobic reason for that. You saw me as a man and gendered me as such because it was "easy to remember" or whatever, then learned I was a trans man, and stopped seeing me as a man.

Cis men are easy to gender correctly, but trans men are not. That's transphobia.

And even if it wasn't- I am still being misgendered. It hurts differently when it's malicious vs. misguided vs. a genuine accident, but it's still a violation of my boundaries, it still hurts, and the goal should be to Not do that.

[demifishblog]

I'm sorry if this is somehow offensive, but I just wanted to clarify--Doesn't nonbinary automatically mean they/them pronouns? Or is it a spectrum, and I've been just wrongly assuming all along?

No, it's not offensive! It's always good to want to know more about these things, and to ask when you're not sure.

As I (personally) understand things, Gender, Gender Expression, and preferred pronouns are all separate things that MAY be linked, but do not HAVE to be, and sometimes aren't, AT ALL. You go with what you're comfortable with, or what brings you joy, which varies wildly from person to person. Someone who identifies as solely male, or solely female, can also feel most comfortable using nonstandard pronouns! And that's fine - there's no forbidden pronouns, no way of using them that makes them (or you) invalid.

It's also always good to put up your preferred pronouns (if you're comfortable doing so), regardless of whether or not they might be assumed to be the default, because it helps normalize the idea of it all. That's why you see so many people doing it these days, even if they're cis. It all helps! It's much more normalized these days than it was years ago when people first started putting pronouns in bios.

When it comes to gender-neutral pronouns in English, specifically, it's near-impossible to assume a default, because there are actually...a lot of them. They/them is very popular these days, to the point where many default to it as the "polite gender-neutral" before they get the opportunity to learn someone else's pronouns. But not all non-binary (or agender, third-gender, genderqueer, etc) people use it. Some might use "xe/xir", or "ze/zir", or other neo-pronouns (I don't keep up with all of them), some prefer "it/its", some might use similar pronouns from a different language, or use she/her or he/him, or like to switch it up! A lot of this stems from the fact that English does not have gender-neutral pronouns that aren't made up (nope, not even they/them - it wasn't used as a singular, personal pronoun until relatively recently!) So we have a variety, because queer culture is not, and never has been, a monolith.

So! That's why my pronouns are in my bio, in addition to my gender. I hope this helps!

[fishybehavior]

I've been wanting to make this for awhile, for the new people coming into my fandom but for anyone who's new in general

Now I am a newer Tumblr user (I joined in 2020 what a year) but I know how to get around here on the ole tumbles so if you are new and wondering "what the fuck is all this?" I'll show u a few tips

---

now the first thing I'd honestly recommend is to get involved with some kind of fandom. You don't have to be super into anything, but finding people who like things similar to you is a great way to start making friends! And honestly we have a fandom for almost anything, if u aren't into anything now you can probably look up any tv show or movie you watched in the last 20 years and someone will have made a post of it!

You don't have to be involved in a fandom but its a good way to meet people and see how we interact casually with one another if you are lurking for a little bit to learn

---

Now, second piece of advise, your blog.

Tumblr is a blogging site, and what you are probably used to refering ur profile, we call our blogs. It has ur pfp, header pic, maybe a couple of lines introducing urself, and then all of ur posts.

First thing I recommend is to change ur pfp, a lot of people base if u are a bot or not is if u use the default image as ur pfp. I suggest a character u like, an animal, a color, a flower, anything u like. I must warn you that I don't recommend u use ur own face. Number 1 some of the appeal of tumblr is anonymity, but 2, there are other bot blogs (such as porn blogs) that use real people as their pfp, and so some people may block u on site.

Now under your pfp you can put a couple of sentences in you blog, you can use this for anything. A lot of people put their preferred pronouns or maybe their age, or what fandoms their into, or maybe their patrons, or other blogs they run. What I recommend is that you dont put any personal info in here, especially if u are a minor. Don't specify ur age if your under like 18-21, if your under that just put minor.

---

next i want to talk about is cultivating your experience

Now you dont have to do this right away but if there is certain types of content that you know you don't like or you find triggering I suggest doing this. On Tumblr we use tags to organize our posts as well as to warn. You can block certain tags in your settings.

press this button on the top right of ur page (if you are on desktop, if on mobile it'll be the bottom right

then in the drop-down menu select Settings, then go to Account, then scroll down until you see the header, "Content you see"

(on mobile once you hit the lil person icon on your bottom right, hit the gear on the top right of you screen, then fo down until u see "Content you see, it'll take you to the same thing)

here you can block tags and filter content. There are two types of filtering, by tags and by content. By tags only will block posts by the tags they have, while content blocking will look through the entire post for blocked words or phrases.

I personally use blocked tags more but do whichever works for you. If you are going to block tags there are certain types of things to keep in mind.

For one, we use warning tags. Tags that are put in posts specifically to warn people of certain content that we know can be triggering. For warning tags there are three main ways that people tag them (there are more but these are very common), tw dogs, cw dogs, dogs . Now I'm using dogs as an example tag, but the preface of tw (trigger warning) and cw (content warning) are very common, and if you want to block a certain trigger i suggest that you block both of these along with just the word by itself. (Also spelling does count)

this works similarly with content blocking, but u dont use tw or cw. Just put down the words or phrases that you dont want to see.

now when you block a post u don't ever see it, rather it appears on your dash like this

it blocks out the whole post, tells you what tags or content that appeared for it to be blocked, and gives you a choice if you would like to see it anyways. This is how blocked posts will appear and you wont see the post at all unless you decide to view the post for yourself.

---

i think this is where I'm going to leave it for now, might reblog with more info in the future. But there are plenty of other posts with other info about how tumblr works and how to maneuver this site. I hope you find this helpful and that you enjoy your experience on this site 👋

[apoapsis]

knowing your partner well can potentially make writing together a lot easier. ( repost do not reblog ! )

- Name: pip

- Pronouns:  he / him

- Preference of communication: discord! ask for it anytime! i tend to appear on invis, but that’s just because i am extremely fucking shy, so long as you’re fine with me getting back to your messages at my leisure (usually 8-24 hours, on average), then by all means feel free to ask for it!

- Name of muse(s): Sigma / Siebren, and on rare occasion I will sometimes ghostwrite Moira for specific threads, but I also now have a blog for Symmetra! [laserpimp]

- Experience / How long (MONTHS / YEARS?): 13-14 years, nearly 7 spent in the ow rpc.

- Platforms you’ve used: dA chatrooms (that’s where I learned to Type Fast), facebook, discord, tumblr, and google docs. The latter three are my most-used platforms.

- Best experience: meeting @flashofyellowlights​ 🥺🥺🥺 i was in a super dark place emotionally between 2019-2021 after a death in my immediate family and Buncy was probably my biggest advocate to keep going. me n this blog just simply wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for her. quite easily my best friend in this entire rpc, no cap.

- RP pet peeves / dealbreakers: 1) because i write a lot of introspective thoughts out for my characters to give my replies more depth, i notice that people often read that and use it to determine my characters’ mood (rather than the actual actions i purposefully insert for their character to react to). 2) a SUPER annoying thing i’ve had people do is, after explaining sieb/sig’s dichotomy to them, they often automatically assume sig is the “evil” one between the two of them..... despite me explaining that BOTH sig and sieb are morally grey, not evil. 3) my only real “dealbreaker” is when people openly demonstrate poor reading comprehension. this isn’t to say you can’t ask for clarification abt my replies, and this most certainly isn’t a knock at people who legitimately need extra help digesting my long ass replies, but considering this is a hobby exclusively based around reading and writing, I just don’t really feel the motivation to write with people who repeatedly misconstrue / misinterpret my replies simply because they just won’t read the entirety and take “creative liberties” with how they interpret my replies.

- Fluff, angst or smut: predominately angst with occasional smut 😂😂 personally i’m not a very big fan of “fluff” just because out of the three, it’s the one that gets the absolute blandest when it’s all someone wants to write with me. if you came here looking for fluff, i’m.... sorry bro 😳

- Plots or memes: primarily, plotting is generally my go-to for first interactions just to really set a scene, but once a “canon” is established between our characters, i’m open for everything. however, you are also free to use memes to break the ice! the only reason i default towards plotting is because i get anxious if i can’t immediately visualize / explain the setting when writing something up. that’s also why i tend to offer to write the starter, so that people don’t feel pressured to plot AND start.

- Long or short replies: the longer, the better!!! despite the fact that i can burn myself out kind of quickly, i will always prefer multipara to ANYTHING else. i didn’t choose the multipara life, the multipara life chose ME.

- Best time to write: i don’t really do anything on a day-to-day basis so i often operate on what i consider “dash hours”, meaning people are usually off work / done with their day at around 4-6pm (PST, my time), and usually post replies / ic posts / hc’s / etc. until about 8-10pm, which is when ppl disappear for the night. if i’m looking for small / quick interactions, that is usually the window i operate in. otherwise? anytime, although i get the most writing done around 1-5am when i don’t have people actively trying to msg me (adhd vibes)

- Are you like your muse(s): as far as the space aesthetic goes, absolutely, although in other regards, not so much! one of my reasons for picking up sigma was exclusively for the fact that he was space-themed, since anything space-related  is my #1 autistic special interest. i’m certainly nothing of an astrophysicist myself but i do apply a lot of the nuanced information i’ve soaked up to sigma and how his abilities work.

TAGGED BY: literally everyone in the rpc by now, i’m always late w/ these LOL

TAGGING: idk who hasn’t done this so just say i @’d you n do it 😠

[hellsaint]

MUST BE THE SEASON OF THE WITCH : CLEMENTINE BARNES

TW : slavery mention

Jude grew up around the time of the American Civil War in New Orleans. He would have been able to join the Confederate Army as he was nineteen when it officially began , but he did not believe in defending the south’s independence or upholding slavery. His specific community was not... the worst over all when it came to these matters. Still could have been better though. It is through a specific instance of when his morals were put into question that he met the woman who would ultimately become his best friend.

During his training with his local church , a woman came to them and asked for sanctuary. It was granted and she entered the confessional just as a group of men showed up. They claimed they were looking for a “runaway” and if they saw her. After an initial silence , Jude said the only woman there today was Mother Mary. The men insisted the person they were after was seen coming into this church. Jude replied that they must be mistaken , so unless they have other business , they should take their leave. Once they had , he stepped into the other side of the confessional and spoke with the woman. She said she wasn’t Catholic so she doesn’t do confession. He said he isn’t a priest yet , so he can’t do it either. She had a very nice laugh.

What Jude would find out about this woman is that her name was Clementine Barnes ( he can call her Clem ; he calls her Miss Barnes for the longest time ) , and she was not a slave. She was a free woman who had been passing through the area when the men who followed her into the church decided they would make easy money off of her “return.” He said she could stay there until she felt it was safe to go where she was headed if she felt comfortable. She agreed and was gone before morning but left him some chamomile flowers as a thank you. Jude would not see her again until after he was embraced about twenty years later.

Following his escape from Callum , Jude spent many years traveling in an effort to not be found and to prevent discovery. But as he was a fledgling , his control over his impulses still wasn’t perfect. He was discovered during feeding and was being hunted through a swamp when Clem appeared and told him to follow her. They disappeared from the crowd’s pursuit and he rested from his injuries in her home , which he could have sworn wasn’t nearby a moment ago. Once he was conscious again , they both got the chance to explain their situations. Clementine is a witch , though a relatively young one , and she’s also been moving around a fair bit to keep from being discovered. She pities Jude’s turning but cannot cure him. What she can do is make his unlife a bit easier. She is the one to provide him with the enchantment to the cross her wears around his neck that allows him to walk in the sunlight. Though they are considered even at this point in terms of helping one another , they agree to keep in touch as often as they can. 

In the following nearly century and a half , Jude and Clem remain close friends. They don’t always live in the same area , but they always know how to reach each other. This is helped by the fact Clem has access to magic. In the modern day it’s a lot easier to communicate and visit , though I do default to them currently living fairly close to each other. They are the main constant in one another’s life and they constantly have the other’s back. Though Jude has remained rather sullen over the years , Clem has only gotten more vivacious and he loves her very dearly for it. They’re often mistaken for a couple until someone either learns he is a priest or that she’s a lesbian and they both think it’s very funny. Clem also occasionally uses they / them pronouns , which is a more recent development both as they’ve learned more about themself and as queer identities have grown and changed over time to something they like to apply to themself.

[gerrydelano]

I have a question re: transfem Gerry. So, I'm all over this like syrup on pancakes, it's delicious, it's good, it's gender envy, it's just.. ugh, I Cannot get enough of it. My question is, how does Gerry, being a transfem gay man in your HC, respond to the concept of "being one of the boys". Would he feel.. uncomfortable? Okay with it? Is his relationship to his manhood similar to that of "I am a man, but only conveniently"? Kind of like how some afab nonbinary people still kind of have that "older sister"/"eldest daughter" relationship to gender, even if they don't feel connected to womanhood or gender at all, is that similar to how your Gerry feels? You mentioned Gerry uses she/her in intimate moments, and while I know that pronouns ≠ gender, ofc, how do you see Gerry experiencing gender in those specific moments? (I haven't read all your fics yet so these may be questions answered in those. If so, I'll gladly read along and find out, but I'm just transfixed on transfem Gerry and I want to Behold.)

oh hello! i'm glad that you like the HC, it's one i put a lot of love into and am very attached to & happy to talk about, so i'm thrilled that you sent this! time for me to get very passionate. 

(small warning: section four touches on his sex life and mentions some bottom dysphoria! not graphic or super explicit, it’s largely thematic & just explains how it plays a huge role in how he expresses his gender feelings.

also there’s a bit at the bottom that’s just some accessibility feedback for you!)

01. intro

in regards to being grouped in as “one of the boys,” i think honestly it depends on who is doing it? for the most part, it’s actually exactly what he wants.

at the end of the day, what he’s usually going to identify as first would probably be the words “gay” and “transsexual,” depending on the context in which it comes up. with most people, he doesn’t care to tell you or want you to know he’s transfem unless you’re close to him, because it’s not anyone’s business and he’s a very private person with a lot of understandable trust and intimacy issues. he spent so much time isolated that even though he knows he wants more connection, he’s not going to just dive into it and tell you everything about him from minute one (barring very specific circumstances, but Even Then.) and this is something he’d rather keep close to the chest. not out of shame or fear (anymore) but because he legitimately just does not think most people are entitled to this information, and he’s right.

he’s got a fairly androgynous face, and while that used to be a source of conflict for him, too, that conflict came from thinking he shouldn’t like it as much as he did. and he did like it. i always emphasize that he got his father’s shoulders and hands and jaw, but he has his mother’s cheekbones, and a lot of her basic shapes. he learned his expressions from her. he was mary keay’s child.

gerry used to look in the mirror as a teenager and be upset not that he looked so much like his mother, but that it was something about himself that he loved. he didn’t want to love the things she gave him, because he was afraid it meant he emulated her. it’s very much the opposite, but he didn’t learn that until later.

02. perception & public presentation

if it’s total strangers he’ll never speak to at all, he’s content with just being unidentifiably GNC. there are times he is just a guy with resting bitch face you’re not sure how to approach, and sometimes he’s a lady reading a book in a big chair at the bookstore with her head down, and then the closer you look at him in any of those scenarios, you think, “oh, maybe that’s not quite right.”

this is why, every time i’ve written someone seeing him but not knowing who he is, it defaults to they/them pronouns! that’s chapters 9, 14, and 15 of TSP, namely. even in chapter 7, when he knocks georgie over in dublin by accident, jon refers to him as they/them even when their friend leo pins him as a guy.

he likes the contradiction! one of the first words he ever really liked to describe his gender was just “genderfuck” which he would have seen being used in zines growing up. very punk, frankly.

if it’s strangers-to-acquaintances, people he’ll do business with or encounter briefly at places he frequents, he would much prefer just be read as a man and stay that way.

regarding the “eldest daughter/sister” comparison — YEAH. that’s a huge thing across the board in general. the way that we’re brought up is always going to have hooks in us somewhere. for gerry, he was explicitly raised as a son by a violent woman who had expectations of him as a son, and that’s? something he will always feel conflicted by.

sometimes, he did want to be the son she wanted to be proud of, he still wants his broad shoulders and general silhouette to be read as masculine, his strength and disposition was and is generally masculine first and foremost. 

i don’t really depict him as wearing lipstick or anything of that nature, mostly his makeup is centric around the eyes! and he doesn’t tend to wear feminine clothing out in public when he’s just going about his day doing Spooky Errands because what’s the point? being just some guy gets the job done and he doesn’t want to answer anyone’s questions, he doesn’t have time and more importantly, he really couldn’t give less of a shit about most people or their opinions of him.

typically, socially speaking in that way, he doesn’t tend to get overwhelmed with dysphoria when he’s perceived as a man. he likes and prefers it! because he knows he’s a particular kind of man, and frankly, there’s a level of satisfaction to it. he’s a GNC guy and he likes being a little intimidating about it (in the sense that it’s a bit flustering) because it makes him feel secure, and comfortable, and protected.

for a long time, it was like. being able to be what he needed to be at home to survive his mother, while still being Gender about it. he’s a man more often than not! just not the man you expect or maybe even want.

03. sexuality & relationships

until you’re a prospective interest, in which case: at first, yeah! he still wants to just be seen as a man! if he’s going to a gay bar, he is going to be flirting with men in a way that will lean into his masculinity first. he still wants to be seen as a prospective interest to other gay men, which to a degree does necessitate some connection to manhood (even if his connection to it IS his attraction to other men In A Gay Way, same as how many lesbians feel that way about their connection to womanhood.)

it’s when you get past that point that it starts to change.

in cases where he has an actual long-term partner, he’d like to be more or less seen as feminine in a complimentary way to them, if that makes sense? i see him as drawn a lot to masculinity in general, usually guys with a build like how ren and i HC our tim. he’s a pretty big, solid dude, and gerry likes the security in that, he likes being held and supported.

that doesn’t mean there aren’t exceptions to that trend, though! people are people and if there’s a connection, there’s a connection. gerry’s type is “makes me feel safe, and better.”

EDIT 1/24/22: after some reflection on this topic, i wanted to clarify that i think he would use “gay” as an umbrella term more than a rigid thing! even canon shows that he’s not interested in using strict definitions and labels for HUGE things in the universe, so i find it hard to believe he would get all that granular with himself. plus, i personally interpret him as having DID, which would muddy things plenty Especially if he goes so long without knowing he has it.

in the early days i do think he would be deeply averse to being with women largely as a trauma response, and so for a while would just reject the idea entirely and ignore it as long as he could. not even that he has to fight it or struggles with denying something, he really just doesn’t spend time thinking about it. however, i do think he’s got a capacity to be with maybe A woman after he’s unlocked a Girl Moment and can approach that situation in a decidedly gay way, too, but in most universes i don’t think that would really happen for him! and so he doesn’t think about it too hard. he’ll just say he’s gay and you’ll make your own assumptions about it and he won’t care to correct you because whatever he’s doing, it’s gonna be gay. that’s the way it can feel sometimes when your gender is just “yeah.”

he’d like to be called someone’s boyfriend or girlfriend equally (usually when using she/her with boyfriend and he/him with girlfriend!) but tim in that one scene in PBR wasn’t wrong when he said he’s pretty sure gerry would prefer to be called “wife” instead of “husband” if things were to progress that far in the theoretical universe where marriage didn’t scare them both. if they were to joke about it, make it a pet name, “wife” would be the comfortable one to him! there’s just something about it. when he’s this far into an intimate relationship with someone, i think he would trust them enough to want to eventually use feminine terms more exclusively.

04. the role his sex life plays in his gender

because it actually is an intrinsic part of things for him. i think it’s disingenuous to discount the fact that it’s like this for a lot of people out there, and i think it makes a lot of sense for him given everything he’s been through.

he likes explicitly feminine terms of endearment in bed! like princess, “good girl,” stuff like that. he likes being treated like a lady in these situations! being called beautiful or pretty instead of handsome, having particular aspects of himself focused on and others not brought up. this is where lingerie comes in handy; the sort of thing that only his partner is going to see, that he can save for special occasions. that makes it so somebody is looking at him in a little bit of awe, especially after he starts getting a little softer around the edges on HRT. it’s extremely affirming and helpful and again, very private! 

(save for melanie as his eventual lingerie shopping buddy. they give each other coupons and stuff. friend chip<3)

i also write him as having some bottom dysphoria for a number of reasons, too, so typically that’s a no touch zone, but there comes a point in two relationships in his life that it’s eased somewhat by being able to embrace his femininity and start associating it with that! being able to see people who love him in this way regard something that has brought him such distress throughout his life as a part of the side of himself he’s most protective over, cherishes the most, only trusts them with after a certain point — it’s very healing. VERY gender euphoria.

honestly, his sex life is actually a massively important part of his story in how i portray him. i really think that writing him pursuing and obtaining physical intimacy, particularly gay and T4T sex, is a lot more radical than just. trying to find ways to make his traumatic isolation something he’s okay with or had even sought out on his own. let him want, seek, and find attention and connection in whatever ways he can, whether it’s tethered to lasting love or just a brief thing that makes him feel more present in his body for a while. that isn’t shallow, or inherently harmful or unhealthy. gay sex isn’t regressive or deviant.

also an important HC that goes along with gender for him, tbh: 

EDIT 1/24/22: appending this! i do imagine that he’s a switch in terms of D/s, but in a very specific way. i think he has the capacity to dom and would reserve that approach for any time he does sex work, which i do incorporate into his backstory generally, because it would come with a sense of control and security, and basic safety. he’s NOT going to let himself be vulnerable with strangers, he has never subbed for even a random hookup for fun and never will. it would take him a while to actually learn how much he not only enjoys playing a submissive role but sort of needs to in serious, trusting relationships. and thus:

he prefers playing a more submissive role as somewhat of a reprieve from how much of his life he’s spent hypervigilant and thinking too hard and fighting for a more physical control of his surroundings, and as a way to reclaim his autonomy given that he really is the one in control of things this way, and a way to really establish/strengthen trust with a partner because, just. he’s spent his whole life taking orders and getting hurt, it’d be nice to recontextualize putting his body and well-being in someone else’s hands, and have them actually take care of him.

just. let somebody touch him with kindness and reverence and make him feel like somebody actually wants him, wants him around, wants to make him feel good instead of hurting him, literally any of that is something that can be so important to acknowledge for a character with a backstory like his. 

he deserves it! and it IS intrinsically tied into the way he experiences gender. it ALL comes back to reclamation, trust, privacy, and making choices about who has access to what parts of him.

05. how i write him experiencing and expressing it in TSP and PBR

as for the intimate moments where he experiments with she/her pronouns, i’ve only written that in PBR so far because it’s the only time i’ve actually captured him being able to pursue transition while in a relationship with someone who he can actually explore that feeling with! i imagine he never really did manage medical transition before Dying in canon, for a hundred different reasons, and usually it’s a big thing i use to signify/mark his recovery after i find ways for him to survive in my AUs.

i won’t NOT encourage you to read my stuff since i promise it’s saturated all throughout, but i also won’t Demand it or anything & i’m always happy to explain these details! i like being able to be straightforward and clear about what exactly i’m exploring with him.

i’ll get TSP out of the way since it’s completed: i had him start medically transitioning, but not change any terminology or even how he thinks of himself. he just wanted his body and face to be softer, to feel healthier physically, and it helps! it’s sort of a reward to himself for surviving past where he didn’t think he would, and it’s very peaceful.

PBR is where i’m exploring his gender with a lot more depth and complexity than i got to in TSP because it actually involves him being in romantic and sexual relationships that open up doors to express things that never became relevant, because he didn’t get to a point where he HAD that kind of relationship with jon in that story. 

they’re just not compatible in a sexual way! and that’s OKAY. even jonny said in a recent Q&A, the reason they worked so well as friends in canon IS because they only met the once, but there are definitely other universes where they could be excellent in a long term way, even without that particular need intersecting.

(take I’ve Got His Number From The Great Beyond for example! also read it right now immediately! there’s gerry gender in there AND unbearable amounts of love and connection between jon and gerry that rekindled my love for them after a while of dampened zeal. everybody say “thank you aster!”)

so, in PBR, gerry started hormones with sasha’s help (she helped him get them grey-market, because it’s not always possible to go through a doctor, especially in the UK) and celebrated his first dose with the archives team, but he hasn’t asked them to change how they refer to him or treat him gender wise yet/may not ever. 

it’s more or less concentrated to private moments with tim, or letting tim refer to him with alternating he/him and she/her when talking to their friends. particularly sasha, due to her close involvement in even getting this part of gerry’s life off the ground & being such a major presence in tim’s life, too.

the way i’ve been having gerry use them in his own POV bits has really only been as he’s remembering intimate moments with tim while they’re separated and he’s struggling with something, kind of... zooming in on times he’s at his happiest and feeling the most like himself, like he can trust people.

and for tim, i also have him do that! he uses he/him for the most part, but in the latest chapter, when he thinks back to moments where they’re particularly soft and usually being sexually intimate, or if it has something to do directly with gerry’s transition, he’ll alternate between he/him and she/her within the same sentence. he thinks back on it this way out of respect, effort, and absolute affection.

(at the juncture in the story when i originally wrote this response, it’s tied back to his developing chest & how much it’s going to literally Hurt for a year but tim really wants to be able to show love to that part of him, too, and so he helps rub lidocaine on his nips when they get really painful. candid tenderness is my middle name. as things progressed, it’s revealed that tim uses she/her exclusively within a scene they’re doing together.)

for both of them, it’s almost ALWAYS tied to a sense of longing! for closeness, for things to just be okay between them, for being able to just. be at their most vulnerable with someone who they know is also laying themselves bare, in any sense of the word.

so, that kind of means that for gerry it’s an expression of, like... 

“this is something i have always wanted, but i don’t think the whole world has a right to it. the whole world wouldn’t treat me the way i want to be treated as i embrace this part of myself, and i know that because it has never treated me well. no one has ever seen me the way i want to be seen, and it’s too late for me to even want to change that now.

you treat me well. you already saw me before i told you this. i trust that this part of myself is safe in your mouth.”

and tim is pretty blown away by that! that’s the sort of thing that means the most to him, being trusted to safeguard someone’s vulnerabilities and the things they’re most selective about sharing. it makes him feel important and valued and that’s something he really needs out of a partnership that’s intended to last.

gerry honestly isn’t Planning to work himself up to a point where he can just have Everyone call him different pronouns or refer to him differently in general. he’s a private person by nature and nurture, and already this is beyond any of his wildest dreams. he likes the idea of saving it for behind closed doors, for a very small selection of people, because it means he has enough going for him now that he can even make that choice. he doesn’t just have one person, he has more than that! he doesn’t have to pick just one thing, one way to be, and certainly nothing linear.

he likes getting to be different in different peoples’ eyes. for him, his transition has more value as something that he keeps contained! across the board, he’s still going to identify himself as a gay man before he even identifies himself as trans at all, because him being a man is what defines his transness.

06. accessibility feedback!

okay quick thing! since i think that’s what you were going for here bit it may have backfired a little bit. no harm done! but for future reference since even i had a bit of trouble reading this the first few times.

i’d suggest being, like, more sparing with your bolding & try to read your messages out loud to see where the emphasis falls so that you can use it to highlight the most important things and break it up only a little bit. this is kind of jumbled and makes the eyes kinda bounce all over the place. definitely keep it narrowed in when you do stuff like this, especially since the message was pretty short!

here’s an example of how i might have formatted this one if i thought it was necessary:

I have a question re: transfem Gerry. So, I'm all over this like syrup on pancakes, it's delicious, it's good, it's gender envy, it's just.. ugh, I Cannot get enough of it. My question is, how does Gerry, being a transfem gay man in your HC, respond to the concept of "being one of the boys". Would he feel.. uncomfortable? Okay with it? Is his relationship to his manhood similar to that of "I am a man, but only conveniently"? Kind of like how some afab nonbinary people still kind of have that "older sister"/"eldest daughter" relationship to gender, even if they don't feel connected to womanhood or gender at all, is that similar to how your Gerry feels?

You mentioned Gerry uses she/her in intimate moments, and while I know that pronouns ≠ gender, ofc, how do you see Gerry experiencing gender in those specific moments? (I haven't read all your fics yet so these may be questions answered in those. If so, I'll gladly read along and find out, but I'm just transfixed on transfem Gerry and I want to Behold.)

only two bolded bits, if at all! honestly, it was clear enough that you could have gone without, too. the most important/helpful thing would have been the line break, which usually isn’t a big deal in asks if formatting isn’t an option, but since you bolded i’m figuring that it is. i just thought i’d let you know since you clearly seem to care about this and i appreciate the effort.

thank you again for this ask! i actually discovered some things about how to articulate how i portray his gender that i hadn’t been able to put into words before, and this made me really happy.

[transenbyconfessions]

I don't know how well this fits here, but I keep thinking about the future and path of my life (reasonable in college I suppose) and specifically future family and potentially children in relation to my current relationship with gender. (Which is probably best summed up as !!????????!!)

Specifically, how do you handle gender bringing a child into the world? You have to pick a name, and use some set of pronouns to refer to them. No matter how hard you work not to give them specifically gendered toys, clothes, or decor they'll still grow up in a world with those things and expectations, and lots of people feel at ease with their agab and don't feel the need to change anything.

Just using neutral names and pronouns will draw attention, and 'neutral' isn't necessarily neutral if your identity is binary, or something else entirely. Do you just guess and use agab? And support them when they're old enough to do the self reflection necessary to form their own opinion of their identity? That would ikely cause them to draw less attention in schools and culture potentially, but could also cause them to feel they have to hide who they are if it doesn't fit who they are perceived by the world as. But gender can and does change, both individually and in societies perceptions and expectations.

Growing up requires learning yourself, but it is so important to be able to do that at your own pace, and defaulting to 'gender neutral' to refer to a child could put pressure and attention on them to figure out hard questions with complicated, nebulous, and sometimes unfinished answers before they are ready or prepared to delve into those aspects of identity building and discovery. But defaulting to agab if that does feel wrong to the child could do the same or similar.

My relationship with gender of !!???????!! isn't something I even considered looking into until college, and part of that is because agab didn't feel wrong or more complicated earlier and gender is very disconnected from external, societal, and presentation factors to me, and it is tied into aspects of my asexuality and aromanticism as both sexuality and romanticism are very tied in to gender in cultural and societal views and media presentation.

My point is that it is all so complicated, and how do you handle that with someone who is literally going through the process of becoming a person? When what you do will unavoidably and permanently shape who they will be? And when that is the point of parenting? Gender is so personal, and while how you raise a child does shape who they become, they will also inevitably become who they are, and I wouldn't want anything else.

I want any child of mine to be their own person, who they are, and to have the room, and support to do that. I don't want any child to be molded into anyone else's idea of them. Including my own. But before they can communicate, before they've figured out a self, how do you make sure they have both the structure and the room? Especially with something as important and personal, and also socially regimented and volatile, as gender identity?

I guess I'd just like to hear anyone else's thoughts, specifically if they're are any trans or enby people here who have children. What do you do? Neutral, agab, some combination, or something else entirely?

[doctenwho]

MASTERLIST

Hello! I thought I’d compile all the fics and reader-insert requests in one place so people don’t have to scroll through my whole blog to find the one they’re looking for! I try to avoid pronouns unless specifically requested, but female is usually default for my writing, so male!reader requests will be tagged for easy viewing!

Each fic will have a short(ish?) summary, but word count and any warnings will be at the top of each oneshot when opened since that was easier than tagging everything here (and shorter). 

Anywho! Happy reading :)

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Tenth Doctor (Doctor Who)

Not a Cat Person - Reader makes herself a new cat friend, and has to convince a certain alien, who really does not like cats, to let her new friend stay aboard the TARDIS with them. Good thing Ten has a soft spot for his companions.

A Name for Kitty (NACP-pt2) - After succeeding in convincing the Doctor to keep the cat, the two must decide on a name for the poor little guy. Too bad Time-Lords and Humans have such different taste in names.

Lured Desire - In a reality where your desires lure you in and give you what you deeply crave, the Doctor must turn away from his own perfect world, and encourge his companion to do the same, as much as it hurts him.

Sad Truths - When reader gets taken and injected with a truth serum in a place the Dctor brought her too, the man must accept that maybe the reader isn’t really who he’d thought she is, and that maybe the two of them aren’t as different as he’d thought.

Ten’s Proposal - Ten’s been sitting on his utter adoration for reader for ages, and he’s finally decided to do something about it. It’s been a long, long time since he’d even thought of proposing to anyone, but he can’t bear having you as just his companion any longer.

Parental Demeaning - Reader’s parents aren’t quite as nice and loving as they should be, but reader, nor her parents really see that. Thankfully the Doctor is really a man of observation, and well, a bit protective of his companion. 

Exhilarating - The Doctor really should learn the appropriate times to be kissing his companion-- and that’s certainly not when there’s a huge beast stood a few feet behind from them. 

Purest Expression - In a world where art and creativity is celebrated, the Doctor and his companion are pressured into taking the stage for a tradition among the planet. What are the two to do when they’re to sing a song that perfectly, and honestly, describes the other from their point of view? Sing the song!

Should Be Me - When a trip to a well known bar in the galaxy takes a flirty turn (a Jack Harkness turn), the Doctor has to finally own up and admit to his feelings about the reader. If only it hadn’t taken Jack’s flirtations with his companion for the Doctor to come clean.

Ten’s First (real) Halloween - Reader has decieded that she and the Doctor are going to do matching Halloween costumes this year. The only problem is the Doctor refuses to play along, since the last Halloween he’d been too (the first Halloween) he hadn’t liked it. Thankfully he’s got a soft spot for her... so, Halloween parties and Trick-or-Treating commense!

Woes of Infetility - The Doctor and the Reader have being trying to have a baby for a little over a year with no luck. Maybe it’s time to accept the fact that... maybe that’s just not withing arms reach?

The Man Who Should be Dead (Male!Reader) - The Doctor stumbles across a very human companion on a planet that is very much not earth. Of course he takes the straggler space explorer along with him, because he’s not going to leave him. When danger strikes, the Doctor has only one question: How on earth did his very human Reader survive that? 

Icy Surprise - The Doctor takes his companion for a nice, calming evening ice skating. Only, instead of an ice rink, or frozen body of water somewhere, he takes her to skate on Saturn’s rings. Icey shinanigans ensue.

A Night With the Stars - When Reader gets distracted looking out at the stars from the TARDIS doors one evening, the Doctor doesn’t want to pull her away. Luckily he’s got a plan so she eats dinner, and doesn’t have to leave the view. 

Moonlight Getaway - After a few days of utter intensity with the Doctor, Reader is exhausted. Luckily, the Doctor decides to surprise his companion with a bit of a getaway from their usual escapades. Lots of laughter and dancing ensue. 

Talk Me Down - When the Doctor makes a rash decision to split up on an unknown plant, (Y/N) panics and finds herself trapped in an anxiety attack. There’s little for the Doctor to do when he finally finds her, well, besides giving her comfort and support and helping her through the attack.

Gestures and Evasion - The Doctor has been trying for years to win over his companion, but no matter how hard he tries, it never seems to work. Why does (Y/N)’s lack of interest and blatant evasion hurt him as much as it does?

Man (and TARDIS)’s Best Friend - Reader has been sneaking dogs in need into the TARDIS without the Doctor knowing. (Y/N) really didn’t mean for it to get out of hand, but well, the TARDIS has been helping out, and clearly has a soft spot of the canines.

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Alec Hardy (Broadchurch)

Alec’s Emergency Contact (Male!Reader) - When hurt on the job, hospital staff call the first number on Alec Hardy’s emergency contact list. Too bad he’d be in the dog house when his boyfriend arrives in Broadchurch to give him a piece of his mind (as well as affection). Ellie Miller is just living for her boss being told off, and she can’t deny she’s not incredibly happy to see someone loving her boss like the man deserves.

Hardy’s Cure for Sadness - Some days you’re just blah. For no reason other than just feeling blah. When a blah spell strikes you at work, it’s Alec Hardy who happens to notice when no one else does. And it’s Alec Hardy who tries to turn your mood around.

A Dinner In (H’sCFS Pt. 2) - As a thank you of sorts after Hardy being so kind, Reader invites the Detective Inspector to her place for a home cooked meal in. Reader can’t help but wish they were something more than friends. A romantic evening ensues.

Awkardly Perfect - Reader is used to being the grump of Broadchurch-- well, that is until Alec Hardy makes his way into town and gives her a run for her money. The two of you hit it off easily, and honestly, you really don’t see why everyone else is so weary of the Detective Inspector. Also, why can’t the townspeople leave the two of you alone?

Happiness is Homemade - Alec and Reader welcome their new baby into the world with lots of sweet words and cuddling. Alec can only remember being this happy one other time, and it was about fifteen years prior, when he welcomed his little girl into the world.

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Zebediah Kilgrave (Jessica Jones)

Not Always a Bad Guy - Kilgrave knows he’s not exactly a good guy. Jessica made that very clear towards (and he supposes throughout) their relationship. So... why has Reader been so nice to him? And what’s up with that iPad she’s always drawing on but won’t ever let him see?

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I probably won’t have the time to update this with each new fic, but I will every few! Just wanted to get a head start on orginizing this so people son’t have to scroll through everything to find the fic they’re looking for!

Hope eveyone’s having a good day/night, or whenever this finds you!

[leonawriter]

Dear authors in fandoms writing trans/nonbinary characters (with a lean toward Japanese anime/manga fandoms):

-Characters do not have to be instant experts on what it means to be trans/nonbinary/genderqueer in any way. They can be clueless. They can be at a point in their life where they have no idea what’s up with them, and not have a name for it. they can look stuff up online, or read books, or talk to people. Characters can know as much as possible and be respectful and still be dumbass idiots or assholes in other areas, while other people can be completely ignorant but be very “they got the spirit, though.”

-Please, when writing characters who do know things, don’t make it into a lesson for the person reading. It’s entirely possible that they are already aware of all of this. If they do, they might just skim past. If the character is learning, then they’re learning for their own benefit, not that of the reader.

-Related to the previous two points - keep things in character. Just... look at how they are in the canon work, and no matter if they’re the person with the gender issues themself or a friend, try to make it sound like it’s all in their voice, words and phrases they would use, at all times. It’s very distracting and breaks immersion when a character suddenly starts sounding like a Tumblr post on Trans Issues And You.

-If a character knows the gender identity of another character who isn’t out yet, think about that dynamic. Do they trust each other? How well do they understand the issues here? Does the cis person (assuming they are cis) understand the weight of responsibility to abide by the wishes of the person who is trusting them? If they do out the other person, is it by accident, and if so, what kind of accident would seem believable, and would it be forgiven for, or not? Either way, why? Make sure it’s in character. 

There’s also the point of, sometimes people (and characters) can be assholes, and out people on purpose, which is not an accident, or just be plain thoughtless and neglect to think of the consequences of their actions while they think they’re being respectful, which... can also be a dick move. Question is, is that in character? Does it fit with the rest of how they appear in canon, or even how you write them?

-If your fic is set in another country - and this is usually Japan if it’s anime, but this also goes for anywhere really - please make yourself aware of the kinds of language THEY use. Does this country have a problem finding gender neutral pronouns? Are chairs forcibly gendered, or do they sit that one out? Do they use gender neutral pronouns by default? This is important, because it affects the way your characters interact with language, pronouns, and so on.

-Related to the previous point: If they’re speaking, say... Japanese, try to be aware that their pronouns aren’t “he/she/they” but translate closer to “that person” with added qualifiers if necessary. When was the last time you heard about a fandom having perhaps a name, maybe a face, and sometimes even they’re described in Japanese, but until an official release no one knew they were [insert gender here]? It happens a lot. Your Japanese nonbinary character would deal with different issues than an English speaking character.

Likewise, if you’re writing a trans Japanese character, the manner of speaking (and writing) will shift, if she’s trying to be more feminine, or he’s trying to be more masculine. It’s not just pronouns!

-Laws and legality change from country to country. This isn’t just about whether it’s legal to be trans or anything like that, but also how it would be legal, no matter what the current legal status is. For instance, Japan doesn’t have the birth certificate, but they do have the family registry. If you want to make things fit with the culture/setting, even basic research will do.

...A LOT of my irritations with a lot of fandom works are actually about how Westernised and West-centric they are. It’s understandable that an author will write in English and use English puns and so on, but if a fic is set in Japan, then Japan’s issues aren’t our issues, and writing them as if they are feels uncomfortable as a reader. 

tl;dr: Keep characters in character and don’t make them sound like they’re reading off a wiki page (unless that’s what they’re actually doing in the story), and be culturally aware and sensitive when writing about characters in countries you aren’t familiar with/haven’t grown up in.

......

...I almost forgot. One last one.

-Don’t equate a character being made trans/nonbinary/etc in your fic or headcanons as a “cool kids club” thing. As in, specifically, “Everyone in this fic is trans, except for [character], who I do not like.” That’s... that’s bad. Don’t.. don’t do that... 

Good people can be trans. Complete bastard assholes can also be trans. There is no morality line that says it’s a good or bad person kind of deal. Even if it’s just self-indulgent, be aware that this is the image you give off. If you’re publishing a thing even just to AO3, people are seeing it. Trans people are people. Good, bad, cool, completely uncool dorks, people with “no redeeming features” and people who’d be the fandom darling. 

A person you’d hate IRL is just as likely to be trans as a person you’d love.

[jello-fello]

✨, 💕, 💔, 🏳‍🌈, 🍀 for self aware!!

✨  what draws you towards your hyperfixation? what is interesting about it?

I just really like stories, and since this is my own, I keep getting ideas that work with it and get excited!! And also, not that SA is like,, a “I’ve never seen anything like this!” story or anything, but I just haven’t personally read anything much like it before so I thought it would be fun to make a story to fill that gap for myself. Other people enjoying it is just a REALLY cool bonus!!

💕  tell us about one of your favorite characters and why you like them!

tbh I’m torn between both Mell and Kai. Mell because he’s the MC and he’s my first oc, but also because he’s not a “I’m gonna save the world!!” kind of protag. idk, he has anger issues and he hates just about everyone. He’s tired of his own world, can’t deal with himself at All, and resents literally everything and takes it out by being violent. He’s just v much “I’ll save the day, but I DON’T WANT TO!” and I like it

as for Kai, you guys will learn his backstory in the webtoon short story (well, not ALL of his backstory :) ), but he’s very much a character that is morally grey. i wanted a character where instead of seeing what they’re going, you see the WHY behind it first. I wanted the big question with them being “okay we know why you act the way you do, why you’re motivated but.... what is it all leading to?”. I just like his character a lot!! and the relationship he has with Mell is going to be Very important to the story

💔  tell us about one of your LEAST favorite characters and why you dislike them. ooooof. i’ll answer this one as a “I don’t like them as a PERSON” because like, I like all my characters as characters.  a bad person can still be a good character. ANYWAYS. Kei. Hate that guy. oh My God I Hate Him As A Person. You guys know him as a drug-dealing clown, but everyone who knows his full story despises him. He’s the opposite of Kai in the sense of “okay we know WHAT you’re doing, but WHY??”  and let me say, he’s justified in precisely nothing he does.  also Aaron. He’s a dick too 🏳‍🌈  do you have any headcanons (lgbt, race, neuro, etc) that are important to you? Tbh, all of them are super important so I’ll make a list?? Mell - He’s mostly Cuban. He has Intermittent Explosive Disorder and just a whole SLEW of stuff we can’t get into yet. As for sexuality, Mell has always thought he was ace/aro up until a Certain point in the comic (seeing as he’s all “im a comic character! these people aren’t real!). but I don’t know the exact term for him so he doesn’t really have a label. he’s not demi, I’ve heard some people try to say he is (me included because at the time it was the Closest label, but the more I thought about it, the less it fit. it’ll make sense in the story). but  it’s okay, he doesn’t need a label Ellie- He’s Korean! and for most characters I keep sexualities nonspecified. A safe headcanon for all characters I don’t specify is Bi tbh. People have ships and I’m sincerely tired of people fighting over canon stuff. A lot is up for interpretation here. Have your own headcanons for people, that’s like half the fun of reading a story to me. Elliot Does have a preference to One Specific Person, who’s a guy (if you can’t guess who it is then RIP), and he has anxiety Aspen- He’s half Japanese and half white. He has PTSD and he lives with disabilities (I would say what exactly, but like,,,,SPOILERS). One thing he has briefly mentioned is being partially blind. Yet again nonspecified sexuality. (Lily is his little sister, not known enough to have her own section yet but she’s deaf!)  and Kai- he’s white, and he’s a demi-boy and also uses they/them pronouns (he just leans more towards he/him but doesn’t mind which of the two people use for him), and he’s gay. As for headcanons about other stuff, a lot of it is spoilers. He does have extreme anxiety though, he just never really mentions it to anyone (yet). This kiddo can pack,,,, so much trauma into him,,, ANYWAYS I just wanna say literally everything about the characters are important to me. I once got asked if most of my main characters being POC/LGBT+ was because I was “sick of straight white protagonists” or something. And while Yes it is kind of frustrating seeing a lack of diversity in media, I didn’t make characters the way they are specifically to spite that, or for the sake of having POC characters, if that makes sense? Basically, my characters being people of color is a default for me. Them not all being cishet is a default for me. If I have a good representation, then i’m glad 🍀  do you have any kins or comfort characters from your hyperfixation? I don't think so?

[let-me-perish]

A quick idea

If you or someone you know is having a hard time switching to none gender specific sentace patterns (for example: defaulting to he or she when talking about someone they don't personally know or starting with miss/sir) get them to apply pet logic.

This isn't an insult to anyone that might be getting misgendered but the social anxiety/awkwardness that comes with misgendering someone's dog/cat/fish can apply to people just as well.

It's how Ham managed it and she then helped me. Because people misgender pets all the time because they'll default to one gender or another based on their internal preference, Ham used to default to boy and after a while figured out it was unfair to the dog she knew nothing about. She mainly wanted to avoid awareness to begin with but she learned.

She started switching to 'your pet is...' and 'they're so..' Instead of jumping right into he or she until the pet owner clued her in on what the gender of the pet was. Then she would begin using that pronoun instead.

This can also be applied to people very easily by starting to take the same attitude. She almost never starts with a miss or sir when trying to get someone's attention now unless she's heard their pronouns before. When talking to someone she doesn't know she tents to just say 'excuse me' or 'you/they' so she can skip over the issue entirely.

Talking to someone else about them is where most of her slip-ups happen but she's gotten a lot better at using simple they/them statements unless she's gotten viable indicators of a preferred pronoun.

It's not actually all that hard to switch, you just have to keep reminding yourself and set an example to those who have trouble doing so so they can copy your speech patterns.

I just thought this was a cool thing she found out so sorry for the rambling.

[u-l-i-a-n]

Long triggering story ahead

Make sure to check the tags before reading further to keep yourself safe, okay?

Anyways, here’s the story of my abusive friendship that lasted 8 years.

I can pretty confidently say 2017-2018 was the hardest year of my life so far, but it was also the one that set me free from HER (avoiding naming her bc you could definitely find her otherwise)

I’m very very bad at math, so bad that I ended up having to repeat my last year of middle school, and I’d decided to go to the other middle school in the area so i wouldn’t have the same teachers. I was pretty quickly adopted into a fairly large friend group that liked to hang out in the library, SHE was apart of that friend group. she also sat next to me in math class, and we very quickly became friends that were nearly inseparable. 

At this point in time i’d gone a few years without any real friends and my social skills were very poor, as well as my anxiety rendering me nearly mute (it still does this, but it was worse before) as i was the closest with HER, she became my “anchor” in most social situations, where i could be comfortable talking with everyone if she was talking too.

This, was where the abuse started. Where she would playfully hit me in the arm. HARD. every day, multiple times a day. I’d complain and rub my arm and she would dismiss me saying she “hadn’t hit me that hard” (I got it confirmed with another person she let one of her punches out on that it was hard as hell, and lord help you if you hit her back with the same strength)

This went on throughout high-school, along with more and more manipulation, and emotional abuse. If i did something without her approval she would be angry with me, she wanted me to keep my hair long and would get angry when i cut it, even if it looked better. If i was getting new glasses and decided on a style that she hadn’t picked out she’d be angry with me, if i wanted to see a movie she didn’t want it would take weeks of begging and making deals to watch things i had no interest in to appease her.

It was frustrating, and we argued CONSTANTLY on every little thing. She lied, pathologically, and would always try and prove herself right by yelling and hitting me in the arm until i backed down, even on things that were obviously incorrect (like: ”all raccoons are born with rabies, only gay men can get aids, japan is filthy and people shit in the streets, Spanish is the same thing and Mexican” i know, fucking crazy)

*There was one particular event that took place sometime between freshman and junior year, where on the multiple prompting of “she’ll stop hitting you if you hit her back and don’t back down” where I took that advice, and in my bedroom when she was staying over (as she did nearly every weekend, even if i didnt want her to) she’d hit me during an argument and I hit her back, this went back and forth until she got angry and angrier, until suddenly i was on my back with her hands wrapped around my throat. I remember staring at her in the eyes, until slowly she let me go. She said she didn’t know what happened, that she had “blacked out”. She didn’t apologize. I forgave her.

During this time, the friend group that we were apart of bisected and grew in different parts, some being the kids interested in theater and some being interested in other nerdy things, like video games and anime. A lot of the time, the few other friend that i had that weren’t HER often asked me “why are you still friends with her, she treats you like shit” and you may also be wondering at this point “Ulian what the hell why were you still around this person???”

Well, I’d convinced myself that she needed me, like i had once needed her as a buffer and anchor for social interaction, that i somehow owed her my patience and forgiveness for the things she did, and continued to do.

A certain event led to us breaking apart for a time, that event being her handing me a letter after several weeks of telling me how angry she was that i continued to interact with someone she didn’t like (even after she’s lied about the person being mean to her, but at this point i knew over half the things she said were lies) the letter, in briefest terms, was her blaming me and how i acted for her wanting to kill herself. She literally wrote the words “You make me want to kill myself”(hypocritical since her stance on self-harm was that people only did so for attention and people who committed suicide were weak) I couldn’t handle it, I couldn’t handle the idea that something i did would have made someone want to die, and couldn’t handle that she’d just slip me a letter about it while at school and expect me to be fine.

My depression got worse, i avoided her for a time and my mental health was bad enough that it had a physical effect on me that other people commented on. I thought i was sick, and missed about a week of school.

eventually, and unfortunately, we made up. With me conditioning that she needed to treat me better, specifically “hey stop hitting me maybe??” and for the most part she did, slowly she stopped hitting me and things were much better. for awhile at least.

skipping forward a bit, we graduated, and she convinced me to go with her to college (we lasted 2 semesters and then stopped). Eventually she convinced me to start working with her at our local grocery store (bad idea) She constantly pointed out that my home life was shit and I was eager to move out of the house, and after finding a third roommate, I was living in the same house as HER (horrible idea)

although her hitting me was now something that happened very rarely, her manipulative tendencies and emotional abuse increased. And also spread to the people around us. While living together, any small mistake i made was blown up out of proportion (like not doing the dishes when she said to even though she never ever did them) and she made it seem as if i was lazy, as if i was childish and needed her in order to function. she made it so the way she treated me made sense to other people, and that i deserved how she was acting towards me.

She even threw me a kiddie themed birthday party for my 21st birthday, with a bunch of baby decorations, like think winnie the pooh themed stuff.

She constantly undermined everything i said or did, made me out to be irresponsible, invaded my privacy by forcing me to let her use my phone and computer and give her access to it, told people my secrets that i told her in confidence and bad mouthed me behind my back (as i found out from our 3rd roommate and also my GRANDMOTHER)

She also made me feel as if I couldn’t return home, that my home life (which isnt great but no one is degrading or hitting me hmmm) was horrible and that i couldn’t go back there, which i later realized was her manipulating me into feeling as if i HAD to stay with her and had no where else to go.

Living with her made all the things she did and the horrible way she treated me pile up, and left me short tempered. I knew that something needed to change, and I thought that I could get through to her and have her change how she was behaving.

We argued again, after the time she had choked me i’d backed down quite a bit, and started hating arguing since i knew she’d never listen to me. This time, once again, i argued and didn’t back down when she yelled at me.

So she SCREAMED at me, loud enough to make the house shake and have my cat try to intervene, and she threw the closest object she could find at me full force (a penny, but still scary as hell in context)

I was quiet, and I waited for a time for her to calm down. i asked “Are we going to talk about this.” and she replied “No.” And i walked out the door.

Because when i get truly, viscerally angry or upset, my response is to remove myself from the problem. I walked out the door into the night to calm myself down, shaken from the realization of the situation i was in and knowing that I couldn’t stay with her.

I began telling our other roommate and her boyfriend about the things she would say to me about them when they weren’t around, I’m not very proud of going against someones trust but at this point i was desperate to have someone on my side and willing to help me get away from her when our lease was up.

During this time she had manipulated me into coming to conclusions that i would NEVER come to on my own, such as thinking our roommate who had clinical depression only wanted attention, which is something that someone who also has depressions and many friends with depression and actively learns and cares for people with mental health issues wouldn’t ever think on my own. its not in me to think badly of other people for no reason, while she (her words) hated everyone around her by default.

eventually our roommate confronted her, and she managed to twist things around and cause a lot of tension, leaving me feeling trapped and hopeless in a house with someone who had the potential to hurt me, and also my pet cat.

She threatened things i cared about and intentionally tried to upset me, specifically threatening my cat, who is a huge emotional support for me. It sounds funny, saying i was upset because she threatened my cat, she and her mom laughed about it. no one laughs when i tell them what she was saying.

Things like “I’m going to hold her down in the drive way and have (roommate) run her over” and “I’m going to shove her in the oven and cook her alive for you to find her when you come home”

Yea, not funny. you can see why i was upset about it. She apparently couldn't, and refused to stop even when i asked her to repeatedly.

She also fully knew that i was pansexual, hell i was the reason she was even slightly okay with people in the LGBT+ community. She wasn’t great about specifically me though, and when i told her about being nonbinary she made fun of my chose name (called me Uvula) and refused to call me by my preferred pronouns.

When I came out to our roommates she said she would never call me by that stupid name or by they/them because i don’t “act nonbinary” (get a load of this guy)

Her last day in the house, she was upset with me for going into her room to take back my heated blanket that she’d taken from my room without permission (my room was cold as hell, i wasn't going to wait for her to come home at 1 am and and she already had a heated mattress pad)

I took it back of course, and our roommate asked what she was upset about (roommate and her bf had bought some food they didn't want to share, which we already discussed was fine) I told her honestly and carefully didn't badmouth HER since she was already mad, and i wanted things to be less stressful.

She blew up at me while we were at work and came for her things that night to go back to her parents house. we took care of her cat until she could figure something out for it.

During this time and the time i last saw her, several things happened, since unfortunately we worked together

She cornered me in the bottle trailer (literally a semi-truck that has bottle returns in it in huge bins. she was standing at the door and could close it at any time) and called me a horrible friend, and also a huge bitch, while we were supposed to be working and she was in a position of power over me. I panicked and said nothing.

She often made me up to an hour late for my lunches, since she was promoted to manager, and liked to skip my breaks and all around treat me like shit compared to every one else.

Despite all of this. . . I still felt as if i could forgive her, if she somehow proved she could do better that i could be friends with her again. Until she ruined that for herself by telling me that my dead father would be dissapointed in the way i was acting.

 No. hell no. I was done, she didn’t deserve my forgiveness. And i finally realized that it wasn’t my job to “fix” her.

When the lease ended I moved back in with my parents, and I quit working at that job in September.

I haven’t seen her in over half a year and many of the people who knew me when she and I were close have commented on how much happier i am, and how much more confident i am in myself.

I’m sure i’ve missed a lot of things, and I know I didn’t really go over the positives of our relationship (There were some! i swear!) but if i did go over everything it would be the length of a novel.

I got away from someone who was hurting me, I decided my happiness was more important than catering to someones every whim, decided that i deserved happiness. And I learned to NEVER let someone treat me like that again, to surround myself with people who make me happy.

I hope, in whatever way, this story of my 8 year horrible friendship helped you.

And if SHE is reading this. . . Go fuck yourself.

[professionalwritingnerd]

Fodlansona: Kathryn Aleena d’Beau | Kit d’Beau

Her name changes in between the timeskip.

I finally got most of her basic information sorted, it’s 6:30 in the morning, i’m tired, ya’ll have fun reading, I’m going to bed

~~~

The eldest daughter to the current Head of House d’Beau in the Leicester Alliance, Kathryn lived a very isolated childhood in the mysterious country of Morfis with her mother, father and brothers until they all relocated back to the Alliance where her father grew up. Still sheltered from the world by her overprotective parents, she’s a very naïve and withdrawn, but brave and adventurous young girl with a curiosity for the world around her and the people in this strange new land. However, her eccentric, unique and impulsive personality can make it difficult for her to fit in and connect with those around her.

~~~

Age: 17 > 22

Birthdate: 20th of Garland Moon (6/20)

Gender: Female > Non-Binary [She/They Pronouns]

Orientation: Bisexual/Biromantic

Nationality: Morfis, though occupies Alliance territory

House: Golden Deer

Class: Morfis Seer [Unique Class] - Strengths: Reason, Faith, Gauntlets, Riding - Weaknesses: Axes, Lances, Flying - Hidden Talent: Authority

Crest?: Major Crest of Noa [Enhances the power of healing skills and her illusionary magic]

Love Interest(s): Claude vonRiegan 

Backstory: - Her father was the younger brother to House d’Beau. Both brothers were born with minor Crests of Noa, but the older brother was already heir. Her father close to enroll in military for the Alliance, specifically with their sea-faring Navy defenses that protected in-coming and out-going trading vessals. A twist of fate and a nasty storm during oceanic training exercises brought the normally closed-off Alliance ship to the shores of Morfis, where her father met her mother. They fell in love and were unofficially married, though not legitimately recognized by Fodlan. He was called back to the Alliance by duty, but he made every effort to find his way back to Morfis to be with his wife and children.  - Kathryn was born only a few years after her older brother, and she grew up the first eight years of her life in Morfis, heavily isolated from others by her overprotective mother. Being alone and hyper-sheltered, she became highly engrossed with the unique magics of Morfis and found herself to have a natural gift for it. She was a happy child, but a strange one, very much marching to the beat of her own drum. - The initial plan was for her father to officially relocate to Morfis after his tour of duty was over. Plans changed when his older brother passed away very suddenly before he could produce an heir of his own, leaving Kathryn’s father as the only person able to take over as Head of House d’Beau. He had to stay in Fodlan as a result, and in order to stay with her husband, Kathryn’s mother followed suit with their children. She was introduced to Alliance nobility early on and, despite being from Morfis, was generally well-accepted as just any other commoner (save maybe by Count Gloucester), though she became something of a recluse shortly afterwards; keeping a tight hold on her children as well. - Despite their marriage being legitimized shortly after the revelation of the secret family, there was still much talk and debate about whether or not Kathryn would become heir to House d’Beaudue to the illegitimate nature of her birth. By all rights, her older brother should have been heir: He was oldest, had a minor Crest of Noa, showed a deep interest in the position, had permission from his mother to explore the idea that Kathryn didn’t... but at 12, she was announced as the heir to House d’Beau regardless. Due to her crest being a Major one and her father finding her brother ill-suited for a leadership position. Apparently the decision followed a nasty fight he had with his parents; her brother disappeared shortly after the announcement was made. - Kathryn’s mother took most of her social anxiety and stress out on her, keeping a tight hold on her and pressuring her to stay away from children her age. She wanted to go to the School of Sorcery in Fhirdiad, but was pressured out of it by her mother. She was tutored privately at home until she was about sixteen, when she finally decided she couldn’t stand just being an observer of the rest of the world anymore. Especially not if she was going to take over as the Head of House d’Beau. - It was a process, though; exploring the town surrounding her family’s estate, spending a few months touring the Alliance territory, even spending some time in Fhirdiad to take some courses from the School of Sorcery. And when it came to enrolling into the Officer’s Academy, she did it herself. Not strictly for the training and learning; she didn’t need much of that, in her opinion. She was just after the experience, and the opportunity to meet people her age and make friends. She was graciously accepted into the Officer’s Academy, and left her home without a second thought.

Extra Information as I Think of It under the fold

- In Pre-timeskip, she is squarely female, but post-timeskip, she’s transitioned to being non-binary. Her pronouns change to They in Post-Timeskip. - Her unique magic grants her a certain degree of telekinesis and light generation/manipulation. She mainly uses this for mundane tasks, but can also use this to use weapons in-battle in placement for her lacking physical capabilities.  - While her default ship is with Claude, in-game, she’d have potential paired endings with: Lorenz, Annette, Ashe, Sylvain, Lysithea, Dorothea and Ignatz. - When she came to the Officer’s Academy, she brought with her several cats and a couple dogs as emotional support animals to deal with the stress and anxiety of change. Most of the animals students see roaming around the monastery are hers and will call when she summons them.

Claude’s Description of her to Byleth: She’s the eldest daughter to Marquiss d’Beau, and is admittedly only the heir to their house on a technicality. She’s a hard-worker and pretty quick-witted, if not a bit naive. I’m not sure if she was just sheltered or if it’s something else, but it always seems like she doesn’t fully understand how things work around here. Keep an eye on her, would ya?

Pre-TS Battle Quotes: - “Move, please.” (Critical) - “Hold still!” (Critical) - “Coming through!” (Critical) - “I did it? I did it!” (Enemy Downed) - “I wish we didn’t have to do it like this...” (Enemy Downed) - “Ha! Oh, if my mom could see me now!” (Enemy Downed) - “Hah, nope, not here for this. I’m out...” (Retreat) - “G-God, God no... Someone help... I don’t wanna die...!” (Death)

Post-TS Battle Quotes: - “You can’t stop me!” (Critical) - “Here’s the might of a Morfian!” (Critical) - “Hold still!” (Critical) - “Coming through!” (Critical) - “I do this for him.” (Enemy Downed) - “I’m sorry. It’s nothing personal.” (Enemy Downed) - “You won’t stop me here.” (Enemy Downed) - “Sorry, guys, I-I have to pull out... I hope I helped some...” (Retreat) - “Guess that’s it, huh...? Well... G-Good luck, guys... Live long lives for me... okay?” (Death)

[midnight-serpentine-blog]

FAQ

In General

Do you take requests? My guy, without requests, this blog will go dry very quickly. We are high maintenance and require a lot of attention.

Will you write all requests that you receive? We reserve the right not to write a request if we don’t vibe with it. We will explain why we won’t, and whining won’t change our minds. Otherwise we will do our absolute best to see that all requests get written.

What if I don’t like something in your fics? If you see something wrong in our fics, feel free to let us know politely. If you are rude, we will make a note of what annoyed you and we will feature it prominently in our following fics until you (or someone nicer than you) asks nicely for us to change it. If it is a trigger we won’t do that, obviously, but we will do our best to tag so that doesn’t happen. Don’t read things if they have a trigger warning for something that triggers you. I shouldn’t have to say it, yet here we are. If you dislike the characterization, we can open up a dialogue and maybe we’ll write you one with a characterization that you prefer. Or maybe we’ll tell you to shove it. Depends on how things go. If you dislike the things we write about (e.g. Death Eaters from Harry Potter), then don’t f***ing read that fic. Blacklist it, whatever. We know why and how they are problematic, we just dgaf. It’s for fun.

Why don’t you have a masterlist/other Tumblr things? We are new to this whole writing thing, Midnight to Tumblr in general, and Serpentine has never written her own post before, so be patient. We are learning this whole thing as we go, and it was meant as more of an experiment than a job anyway. We will do our best to make a masterlist and make the blog easy to search, but it has a learning curve, so don’t be surprised if we don’t manage right away (or ever)

Do you have a tag list? We could try?

How often do you update? Depends on how much love and attention we get. If we get a lot of requests, we’ll be doing a lot of writing, Real Life™ allowing.

Can I reblog? If you make sure our names are still on it, you do what you like, my guy.

Can I tag you in things? Can I give you an internet hug? Ofc. Remember what I said about attention?

Can I message you? If it is for requests, we’d prefer you keep it in the asks, but if you wanna say something, then sure. Keep it PG for Serpentine’s virgin eyes tho. (Serpentine can deal with it, don’t be a wuss - Midnight) (You’re a wanker - Serpentine)

What don’t you write? Incest, non-con, A/B/O (bc Midnight will die), m-preg, underage anything ever, etc. Just keep it level guys. Don’t make it weird.

What happens with any original fiction that you post? I won’t post much of it, and it won’t be anything that I ever have intentions on making into A Thing™ so it’s basically just like our fanfics, go ahead and reblog if you feel just keep our names attached. Also, try not to write anything based off of it or anything like that, but if it sparks something, you do you. We’re reasonably chill until you’re a dick. (Then we’re chillier than a frost giant’s cold shoulder - Midnight)

What happens if I want to be a prick about your writing while on anon? Come at me, bro.

What types of requests do you take? We’re going to try to have a prompts list, or borrow some from fellow writing accounts that are okay with others using their lists, but prompts that you come up with are definitely great! Imagines, multi-chap fics, one-shots, drabbles, headcanons, it’s all fair game.

Serpentine

Name/Nickname: Serpentine, Holly, Andy

Age: 18

Pronouns: she/her/My Lady

How would you describe yourself: I would not

Are requests open: Yes

What do you like writing most: Fluff. I love it when everyone is peaceful.

What do you like writing least: Character bashing. Sometimes I have to for the sake of the plot, but it hurts.

Who do you write for: Marvel - Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers, Tony Stark, Loki, Thor, Dr. Strange, Clint Barton, Pietro Maximoff (he didn’t die hmmm nope), Frank Castle (Jon Bernthal only), Brock Rumlow (don’t say anything Midnight, I know he’s a dick, leave me alone), Anatoly Ranskahov, Vladimir Ranskahov. Harry Potter - Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Charlie Weasley, Fred Weasley, George Weasley, Draco Malfoy, Antonin Dolohov, Thorfinn Rowle, Rodolphus Lestrange (although I characterize him as fatherly more than anything), Rabastan Lestrange (although don’t expect mental stability), Fenrir Greyback, Corban Yaxley, Evan Rosier, Lucius Malfoy (if we go AU), Lucissa (Narcissa Black nee Malfoy + Lucius Malfoy), Theodore Nott, Blaise Zabini, Regulus Black, Jily (James + Lily), Sily (which is my take on Sirius + Lily, though mostly they are platonic sometimes I think hmm). I have a lot of my own personal headcanons for nearly all of these characters because I have spent many years of my life ‘living’ in the Wizarding World when I should have been doing my homework, so if something doesn’t vibe for you, I apologise, but I am very specific about my Harry Potter. 

POV & Other Characters: These can be OC or reader, platonic and romantic or unpaired accepted. For Harry Potter, I can also write them as Hermione Granger (like most HP fics are tbh). As for other characters, it’s all negotiable, but with Harry Potter fandom Slytherin characters are much more likely to get the OK bc I’m House biased (Go Snakes). The ones marked as couples are only written as couples, so don’t try to make me pair dear James Potter with anyone other than his Lily.

How long does it take to write a request: If I’m inspired, maybe an hour or two. Now when I post it...

Open to ask memes: Absolutely the hell yes. I love talking about myself.

Special Rules: I do not write smut (yet, bc I am innocent in the ways of the flesh), but I will yeet those to Midnight and I’ll do my best to take any other requests and if y’all wanna drop nasty imagines into the ask box or something, we’re all ears (eyes?). I will write poly ships, though again I reserve the right to decide how (e.g. M/M or nah) and there will be no sin.

Midnight

1. Name/Nickname: Midnight, Kai, (Barnes)

2. Age: 19

3. Pronouns: she/her/Soldat

4. How would you describe yourself: I... am basically a less intimidating Winter Soldier (memory problems, depression, anxiety) and an MCU genderbent Loki because I can be a sneaky little shit

5. Are requests open: YEET

6. What do you like writing most: Fluff. Any time I get to make scary assassins do domestic things... I am there for that

7. What do you like writing least: Death. Why y’all gotta do me dirty like that? There’s more than enough in the MCU alone guys. Can’t we just pretend we live in the Everybody Lives AU?

8. Who do you write for: Marvel - Loki Odinson, Thor Odinson, Tony Stark, Doctor Stephen Strange, Bucky Barnes, Peter Quill, Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanov, T’Challa, Peter Parker (aged up), Pietro Maximoff, Wade Wilson (Deadpool), Gamora DC - Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne, Diana Prince, Clark Kent, Connor Kent, Dick Grayson, Steve Trevor, Tim Drake, Wally West, Barry Allen, Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy, Catwoman, Damian Wayne (aged up), Kaldur’ahm, Jaime Reyes, Bart Allen (aged up), Roy Harper (if you want YJ’s Red Arrow, please specify, otherwise my default is Arsenal), Hal Jordan Assassin’s Creed - Altair, Ezio

9. POV & other characters: I prefer reader inserts, however, if you would like an OC I would recommend naming the OC with a nickname so it makes it nicer for other readers to enjoy it. I will do specific ships if I ship them or I know enough about the ship. (eg WonderTrevor, SuperWonder, Stony, Stucky, IronStrange etc) I am also pretty okay with writing smut, but I may not be able to for specific characters/ships due to lack of experience in writing the sin, lol. (and yes, I will take your smut requests for Serpentine’s characters, and work with her to achieve the correct characterization, so long as time permits us to work on it in a timely fashion)

10. How long does it take to write a request: Depends on how busy I am, the alignment of the stars, the weather… jk, in truth, I can be very busy and also have to manage my own health so it can be from a half hour (if I’m really inspired) to up to a week or two. (I will try my best to turn out work in a decent time though, and if I have to ask Serpentine for help I will)

11. Special Rules: Already covered, I guess? Just bear with me on getting things out on time.

Please note; most of this was written by Serpentine at 3 am, I (Midnight), only wrote my own FAQs, also at 3 am. If none of this makes sense, that would be why. Serpentine rarely makes sense without supervision, so feel free to ask for clarification if the wording is awkward.

[fighterflyer]

Undertale/Swap SI: Katherine Beaumont

Art by @melle-d

If there’s an AU already called UnderVerse in the fandom that I don’t know about, no, this SI has no association with it.

While presently the story I’m writing her in is a slightly divergent Underswap, I may also end up writing her in other AUs as well, such as Undertale or Underfell if I’m so inclined. So this is mostly just her general information, while specific relationships will be verse dependant. Hence, why I’m just using the sag “Self-Insert UnderVerse” to keep this out of any other UnderVerse tags.

Anywho, this is the first Self-Insert bio I’ll be posting here since I’m having an easier time writing the Underswap story she’s in rn! But considering I don’t really alter her personality in the other AUs, this can apply to the other universes to.

As far as F/Os go, I’ll make it simple in the event you DON’T wanna go through this novel of a bio:

1. Both in UT and US, she adopts Frisk and becomes her companion/adoptive mother/big-sister figure in the verse. [I don’t swap Frisk and Chara in my US-verse] So Frisk is a platonic/family F/O.

2. In UT, her love interest is kind of up in the air. It could be Sans or Asgore, idk.

3. In US, she’s shipped with Sans/Blueberry.

~~~~~

Name: Katherine Alyson Beaumont Nicknames/Aliases: Kit/Kat, Kitty/Kitten, Katie, Kathie | Fighterfly [Internet Handles and Gaming alias] Race: Human (50% English, 25% Native American, 25% Norwegian) Setting: UNDERTALE

Affiliation: Dreemurr Kingdom Occupation: Freelance Writer/Artist | Published Short Story Author Gender|Sex: Female (She/Her Pronouns) Sexual Orientation: Bisexual/Panromantic Age: 25 Birthdate: June 20th Height: 5'9 [5'11 in shoes/boots] Weight: 215 lbs, though loses weight over time Build: Cello-shaped, a noticeably curved figure with noticeable pudge in her stomach and thighs, slender shoulders, wide hips, and a large C-cup chest. Slender, average length arms and legs; no thigh gap. Soul: Purple with trace veins of Green and Orange (Perseverance with trace amounts of Kindness and Bravery). When her powers are in use, her soul glows only bright purple but shows the detailed veins when she's just showing it. Facial Details: Round face shape. Small nose, medium eyebrows, and downturned, bow-shaped lips (with cupid's bow). Skin: Pale Caucasian skin. Lightly freckled cheeks, nose, and tops of her shoulders. Slight scarring on her face and shoulders from years of scratching at herself. (optional for visuals) Hair: Dark brown. Naturally wavy, upper-back length, usually tied up into a ponytail. Bangs are usually overgrown and long, and pushed aside to frab both sides of her face. Eventually dyes her hair half bright blue with pale lilac streaks, half rose pink with trace yellow-orange streaks. Eyes: Soft dark brown eyes; medium-sized and almond shaped. Lashes are short in length and thickness. Always wearing glasses for poor vision, but she has them infused with magical energy by Toriel/Asgore [depending on the verse] to enable her to CHECK the statuses of Monsters and Humans alike and increase awareness and accuracy; they are impossible to break as well. Eyes glow a solid dark violet color when a great amount of her power is in use. Ideal Voice Actress: Anne Hathaway Distinguishing Features: - She has light scarring on her legs, thighs, arms, and hands from years of scratching, biting and chewing herself during autistic meltdowns. - Stretch marks on her stomach, thighs, hips and breasts. - When a great amount of her power is in use, the pigment above her veins on her neck, wrists/hands and ankles/feet glow a dark violet color. Dress Style: - While Kit admires several different styles, she's been kind of boxed into a corner of jeans, shirts, jackets and blouses that either hide her figure completely or compress her stomach to hide her pudge, with no real sense of style or passion, for most of her life. She's expressed an interest in pastel-goth styles and Bohemian styles, but she doesn't start exploring these styles until she starts detaching herself from her mother's limitations. Above everything else, however, her one requirement is comfort; how well the fabric breathes, whether it's scratchy or otherwise feels weird, etc. Because of her autism, she's very sensitive to texture and requires very soft fabrics. She'll almost always try to wear something with extended sleeves to have something to grip onto when she needs to stim. Common Accessories: - Silver metal slip-on bracelet with etching in it that reads "she believed she could, so she did" - CHECK Specs (Glasses charmed by magic to CHECK Monsters and Humans) - Specific Styles:  - Winter Style: VERY sensitive to the cold, she avoids going outside during winter as much as possible and when she does have to go out, she doesn't care enough about fashion. She'll throw on any boots, socks, pants, sweater, jacket, hat and gloves that will fit her and keep her warm. The only preferences she has is that she likes shin-high soft fuzzy boots, hats with side flaps, hoodies and really cute sweaters.  - Summer Style: She's also very sensitive to the heat, so will forgo any sense of fashion and dress lightly with just t-shirts and shorts. As her confidence builds, though, she may wear pretty sundresses too.  - Swimwear: Will never wear a one piece since she hates how confining they are, but will never wear a bikini, hating to expose her stomach. She'll usually wear a cute, skirted two-piece suit that covers her stomach.  - Nightwear: Usually sleeps in either a comfortable, beautiful nightgown, a cute pajama top and underwear, just her underwear, or nude. Typical Inventory: - Backpack containing:  - Laptop + Accessories (Power Cord, USB drives)  - iPhone + Accessories (Phone Case, Stylus, Headphones)  - Game Case      - DS XL      - Gameboy Advance      - DS and Gameboy Games      - Chargers for Both Devices  - Lined Notepad  - Sketchpad  - Change of Clothes - Medium-sized Shoulder-slung Purse containing...  - Large Pencil Case      - Pencils      - Pens      - Hair Ties/Ribbons      - Small Book of Sticky Notes      - Phone Charger      - Wallet with Cash, Change, Credit Cards and Coupons, as well as a "Wallet Knife"      - Makeup Compact with Concealer and Blush [Both to touch up her concealing and to see people's reflections in the mirror]  - Hygiene Products  - Small First Aid Kit  - 2 Cameras, One Digital, One Polaroid  - Change of Clothes - Lunch Satchel [Typically has a meal, snacks, and a drink inside] - Pocket Knife - Handgun with Ammunition Rounds in a holster on her belt Proficiencies/Skills: - Deduction/Puzzle Solving - Creativity (Writing, Drawing, Creative Improvisation) - Cooking/Baking - Leadership and Strategy - Computer Use [Fast Typing and Digital Processing] - Emotional/Mental Health Support - Learning/Information Processing - Gaming [Video games and Card Games] - Horseback Riding - Singing Special Abilities: [*Learns within the story] - Purple Magic    - A certain kind of telekinesis. Purple magic is a slight variation of Blue Magic; it's less "Gravity-Based" and a bit more free-range, but not always as powerful as Blue Magic.    - Induction of, and resistant to, KARMA and Poison. Because of the experiments she was put under as one of the rare humans to have an innate form of magic, she also has access to KARMA and Poison, which can manifest and be inflicted on others upon physical content under severe emotional duress. Almost always non-fatal, but can be harmful under prolonged exposure; usually just a brief defense mechanism. - Mixed Magic*    - Healing    - Fire    - Water - Dream Walking* - Limited Telepathy* - SAVE, LOAD, And RESET Personality: "I guess we’re both on our own in the world, huh? The way I see it, there’s no sense in being on our own alone, ya know? So... how ‘bout, for the time being... we be on our own together?” Truthfully, it can be hard to tell what Katherine Beaumont’s true personality is, as she’s been conditioned to be extremely guarded, forced, or all-over-the-place about her true feelings, thoughts, and demeanor, be it around family or complete strangers. Because of her overbearing, perfectionistic upbringing and a history of harassment, Kit tends to carry a polite, patient and disposition around most people she doesn’t know very well. She always does her best to be polite and socially acceptable, and is always much more mindful and conscious of her behavior around others because of her autism and years of her lack of tact and social grace coming back to bite her. She’s mostly mastered the ways of social grace over her years of conscious training and practice, but as a result, can be very nervous, shy, and timid around others, always concerned she may be doing something wrong or unacceptable, or not doing something she should be doing. A socially anxious introvert, she rarely goes out of her way to make friends, but is almost never uncivil or disrespectful towards others. “Perfect polite little angel” is her default MO towards strangers and some family. Those who know her well, however, would tell you a completely different story, and while most of it is true, even what they see still doesn’t quite hit the mark of her true inner self. Her close friends and family will see a very laid-back, casual and fun-loving young woman with an excitable energy, an unpredictable sense of humor that changes like the seasons - ranging from sharp, snappy wit, snide dry sarcasm, inhuman noises a human diaphragm should not be capable of making and sex jokes - and a kind, loving heart with a head like iron, powerful protective streak and a long-fuse-big-explosion style temperament. Though her timidity can still persist even around her close friends and she has a tendency to be extremely sensitive, she’s infinitely more comfortable showing some of her true colors around them. She does have a hidden wild side and a certain bravery and courage underneath the shy timidity, but it’s all foreign and unexplored to her; a lot of it has to be dragged out by others or forced out by herself. She never regrets it, but as much as she loves those moments of freedom, she’s still unused to anything like that and tends to instinctively avoid it. Keyword being “some”. In reality, she keeps many things close to herself, even out of sight of the few people who earn her trust and earn their way into her mental file of “Close Friends”, and especially out of sight from her family. It can be argued that the only place where you’ll see her true colors is during the most important and critical of situations, where she's the best possible version of herself that she needs to be in those moments: Extremely calculating, quick-thinking and sure of herself, passionate, confident, daring, ruthless to the creatures she battles but gentle, warm and inviting to the egos she protects and cares for. It can be argued that this is her ultimate true self... is it? It’s hard to say. She hides so much of herself out of instinct, and is so unaware of, and confused about, so many of her own strengths and weaknesses after years of abuse, manipulation, harassment and being taken advantage of, calling any of her dispositions and demeanors her “True self” isn’t quite 100% truthful. It’s more accurate to say that all of these different “sides” of her contain separate fragments of her true identity that she’s still struggling to piece together. She often-times struggles with her mental health and sense of self-image and self-identity. Despite her outward behavior, she is a deceptively sensitive and battered soul trying her absolute hardest to maintain a positive attitude, find her own happiness and place of belonging in the world, and not drive anyone (else) away with her challenges and sensitivities. Strengths: - Physically strong, dextrous with her hands. - Durable; has a strong immune system and has a high pain tolerance. [Even if she bleeds a lot, bruises like a banana, and overall is very frail and gets hurt easily, she tends to handwave it with 'it's just pain' and do what she has to regardless.] - Very little sense of smell; resistance/immunity to Plutarkian odors and the Lougie brothers. - Generally mature, rational and logical, tries her hardest to be fair and reasonable. - Good with computers, fast typer. - Is an excellent singer. - Creative and imaginative. - Determined and persevering, never gives up. - Hard worker, dedicated - Kindhearted, compassionate and loving. Can be a very calming presence. - Very Intelligent, Very calculating and Has an unwitting knack for strategy. Has an IQ of 138. - Courageous; despite her open timidity, she with brave through anything she has to. - Confident and proud of her capabilities. - Empathetic and thoughtful of others. - Quick-witted and Sassy; has a sharp sense of humor and can laugh at herself. - Can be very goofy and childlike, connecting very well with smaller children. - Loyal and steadfast. - Is generally very good about owning up to her own mistakes and always strives to improve and do better. - Can be timid, but when it comes down to the wire, she’s very courageous, daring and willing to face her fears... eventually. Weaknesses: - Physically frail. - Lacks stamina in the real world. - Visually impaired and has difficulty processing sound. - Is not fast, flexible or agile. At all. Adrenaline is the only thing keeping her alive half the time. - Is on the Autism Spectrum. Suffers from executive dysfunction, memory problems, sensory processing problems, and difficulties in social situations. - Suffers from an anxiety-panic disorder, acute PTSD, and depression, and is not medicated for any of it. Struggles with self-esteem, self-worth, and self-image issues as a result, occasionally experiences suicidal thoughts. - Though she has a lot of patience, her anger can reach explosive, black-out levels when it reaches its boiling point. - Stimming, autistic meltdowns and depressive episodes can be physically harmful to her. - Very disorganized; has trouble maintaining a schedule or keeping track of time. - Can be stubborn and bullheaded. - Can be snide and sarcastic. - Struggles with self-advocacy. She tends to pendulum swing between "silent doormat" and "on a bloody, angry war-path of 'I deserve better'". - Heavily sheltered and repressed, can be very naive. - Can be very emotionally and mentally sensitive. - Easily flustered. - Can sometimes be a little obnoxious in her humor. - Though polite by default, can struggle with maintaining her manners. Family: - Forrest Beaumont [Father, 47] - Amelia Beaumont (nee Lexington) [Mother, 49] - Logan Beaumont [Older Brother, 26]  - Natasha Beumont [Sister-In-Law, 28] - Grace Beumont [Older Sister, 26] - Arthur Beaumont [Younger Brother, 18] - Daniel(le) "Danny" Beaumont [Younger Sibling, 15] A very large extended family Friends: [Verse-Dependant, UT by Default] - Frisk [Companion, 6] - Sans [Close Friend/Love Interest] - Undyne [Best Friend] - Alphys [Best Friend] - Papyrus [Best Friend] - Mettaton [Good Friend] - Bliss [Good Friend] Other Relationships: [Verse-Dependant, UT by Default] - Wing-Ding [Enemy] - Gaster [Future Father-in-Law] - Flowey [Enemy] - King Asgore Dreemurr [Close Friend] - Toriel [Mother Figure] Noteworthy Interests: Likes...  - Writing [Songs, Short Stories, Poetry, Personal Essays]  - Children  - Animals - Horseback Riding  - Cooking/Baking  - Reading...      - Fantasy      - Mystery      - Action/Romance  - Music      - Soft Rock      - Pop      - Country  - Movies      - Cartoons/Animation      - Comedy      - Action-Adventure  - Weather Watching [Namely rain]  - Dream Walking [Especially Tending to the Dream Pearls]  - Games      - Video games [RPGs, Time Management, Platformers]      - Card Games  - Collecting things [Rocks, feathers, leaves, small things]  - Paranormal/Ghost Stories [Just not at night]  - Stimming Dislikes/Fears...  - Loud Noises      - Being Yelled At [PTSD Trigger]  - The Dark  - Scratchy, constricting clothing  - Slimy, oily or greasy textures  - Extreme hot or cold  - Sharp Objects [Needles]  - Being grabbed without warning [PTSD Trigger]  - Slasher films  - Alcohol [Drinking it or anyone else drinking it.]  - Being Cornered/Trapped without an escape [PTSD Trigger]  - Condescending/Patronizing attitudes  - Cleaning Passions and Hobbies  - Writing  - Drawing [Sketching, coloring]  - Video Games  - Cooking and Baking  - Dream Walking History: WIP because her story is a massive beast that requires time and patience to conquer. Her history is EXTREMELY complicated, so... Boyo, this is gonna take a lot more time to sort out. Miscellaneous: - She has an iron immune system except for strawberries and raspberries. These are literally the only things she's allergic to and despite the reactions not being "bad but not life-threatening, she'll openly hiss at them and keep her distance with the fruit by about 10 feet. - She adores blue and purple and usually dons them as her signature colors, but also loves shades of pink and yellow too. - Though she has a cat to make her feel secure at night, she still sleeps with her childhood stuffed dog, and takes it with her whenever she's sleeping over at someone else's house. She has a collection of other stuffed animals in her closet at home and she refuses to give any of them up. - She normally speaks casually with an expansive vocabulary and with a very slight Southern accent, but can sometimes speak in abbreviations and purposefully exaggerate her Southern accent when she's mad, freaked out, or just trying to be funny. - Her telekinesis has a soft purple hue to its glow. - Her sense of style and taste in clothing changes like the seasons and dresses very impulsively on a day-to-day basis, and can rarely plan her outfits ahead of time because of tactile sensitivity. That combined with her size makes her very hard to shop for, and she has a tendancy to wear the same outfit multiple days in a row. - Because of the experiments she endured, she has a heightened sense for people's emotional imbalances or current emotional state and has a sixth sense for connections between people's behavior and activity inside Lucidus. Without her glasses on, she can see the state of people's egos inside people's reflections. - She hates the feeling of make-up on her face as it feels sticky and gross, and tends to only be able to tolerate concealer and blush. Now that's not to say she's completely anti-make-up. She loves how she looks with make-up on but it always feels gross to put on and wear. Give her make-up that doesn't feel gross to apply and wear and she's all over that. - She absolutely loves to stim with her body and has a habit of flapping or flailing her hands, or rocking back and forth or side-to-side. She also has a habit of tactile stimming by touching surfaces she finds herself drawn to; her hands are most often on a wall, a sofa cushion, or someone's clothes. [Will add more details as I think of them.]

[infiniteglitterfall]

IT'S A BABY, THAT'S WHAT IT IS, or: we are having a tiny human real soon and we're not telling you what it is then either

"Do you know what you're having yet?" Friends, the way we see it, you don't know what you're having till the kid is old enough to tell you what they are. To my surprise and pleasure, most people I've said this to have chuckled and agreed. And I mean, random people like neighbors and cashiers. Not hand-picked friends and loved ones. (The latter have also been awesome; all of them we've told have been like, "that makes perfect sense," or "I would expect nothing less." Which is why they're our friends.) I do wonder how people will react, though, when we have the baby, and still won't tell them "what it is." I thought this would be a good time to brainstorm what that means to us, and how we're going to handle it. The first and foremost thing is: - There are a ton of good, solid studies that show that when people are told a baby is a boy or a girl, they talk to it differently and even hold it differently. Without even knowing they're doing it. - In a very nutshell: people hold babies they think are boys less closely, and talk to them in ways that are less nurturing, and less responsive. Even when they don't have any intention of doing that. - People tend to treat babies they think are girls with more emotion and nurturing. But also praise them more for being quiet and looking nice, while praising boys more for their actions and strength. - no thanks - Sure, statistically it's probably "safe" to assume the baby will identify with whatever gender we think it is. - although I don't think those statistics are as high as we tend to think they are - The risks in just picking a gender for the kid, and hoping it's right, are comparatively low for that majority of kids where you ARE right. - Basically, there are no negative consequences if you're right, EXCEPT for the negative consequences of people's unconscious baggage around gender roles. - But they're VERY high for the minority of kids where you're wrong. - And we are lucky enough to live at a time when we have access to lots of stories from people who tried to tell their families at a very, very young age that they were a different gender. - So we now know that even when kids do get listened to and get to live as their correct gender at a very early age, they suffer intensely before that. Including when they're too young to put their feelings into words, but are being gendered at every turn. - It seems to us, after much consideration, that there is zero risk in not gendering the kid. In using gender-neutral pronouns, and letting them wear whatever they enjoy. - And letting them know, as they learn to speak, that we can call them by any pronouns they want, and that they can change that for any reason. - Just like any parents, we assume that we'll hit that preschool age where they have a lot of questions, and​ often have picked up a lot of weird ideas, about boys and girls. - Just like any parents, we'll do our best to answer their questions, probably mess some things up. - And we'll work, ahead of time, to bring lots of different types of people, and lots of different people's stories into their lives. Not just around gender, either, of course, but around race and class and religion and types of families and disabilities and everything else we can think of. - Maybe the kid will tell us early on, emphatically, what they are. Maybe that will still change. Everyone has to explore with their gender means to them over their whole lives, even cis people; what's important to us is that we support all our children in their journeys. - Here are some specific strategies we've thought of. @rivergst, please add anything else you want to! * Using they/them for the baby until/unless it wants something different * Having scripts ahead of time for how we tell strangers about this when they go, "what a cute baby! is it a boy or a girl?" * In my mind, I would say something like, "We don't know yet!" and (a) smile real big and wait, (b) smile real big and leave, (c) go on to explain that "we figure that you don't really know till the baby is old enough to tell you, and we know that people treat boy and girl babies differently​ without even meaning to, so we want to wait." Depending on how i feel at the time. * I assume that I'll adapt this script over time as I start to see how people react and what questions or opinions they have. * I want to design some onesies and/or baby shirts and/or hats and/or baby-safe decorations that say "they/them". * I figure we will need to put something about this on the baby announcement, and/or have boilerplate we send people. * I might design a business card or postcard that I can hand people with a short version of this post on it. Or a website? * Not gonna lie, if I get too much push back I'm gonna be SO tempted to bust out with the neopronouns. "O rly? Well now the baby's pronouns are glitter/glitterself!! BETCHA WISH YOU HAD GONE WITH THEY/THEM NOW HUH" * This is not a slam on neopronouns, I would love to go by gem/gemself * Feel free to use that for me * If people struggle with they/them or are somehow opposed to this whole thing, they are welcome to just use the baby's name all the time * Diaper-changing and alone-with-baby privileges will be restricted to people who have earned them by successfully using gender neutral pronouns for the baby * Honestly I don't even care if you use "it" for the baby, but there is definitely a point where that becomes disrespectful and I don't really know what that age is. River may also disagree on this idk - I've done this successfully before; when I was co-parenting Connor, we talked at like age 3 about how "pronouns are what we call people, like she, he, they, and others, is there one you would like us to use for you?" - in that case, we had gone with "assigned at birth" pronouns before that. Connor picked something else and I ended up having to just never use pronouns around the birth mom, who was a dick about it. I got really good at it. - We have an advantage, in that we've both already done a lot of learning around gender stuff, and have lots of people of unusual genders in our lives. And have hand me downs for lots of different genders. And know of good stories about this stuff that are age appropriate, like the story of baby X, and what's the amazing Jay one Rebekah just gave us? I'll put some in the comments. - But I'm learning, too, that my default online might be to call people they/them unless I know what they want, but irl my mental default is actually to assume people are she/her. Thanks, Mills 😂 and I do get autistically stuck on matching pronouns with people's names or presentations even when I know better. - my strategies to counteract this with the baby are simple: give it a gender neutral name, and think of "physical sex" as simply being "does the baby have an innie or an outie?" - bonus strategy if somebody is too pushy about knowing "what the baby is": react as though we already live in a world where all of the above is the default, and say, "why do you want to know about my baby's genitals?!" - that handy and versatile line can be delivered with outrage, horror, or humor, depending on how much I like the person.