#thatonekobold

[incorrect-dnd-classes]

Wizard: 6% of the population of Waterdeep think they could fight in hand to paw combat with a brown bear. Considering they can keep up with horses, weigh 600lbs on average, and have razor sharp teeth and claws I think 6/100 people in Waterdeep might be in trouble.

Warlock: I could almost certainly win a sanctioned boxing match against any wild bear. Not to brag, but I would probably win the fight in less than a minute. As soon as the bell was rung, I would be immediately mauled. But biting is a foul in boxing. The bear would be disqualified for committing an intentional foul that caused injury, and I would be awarded the win. Presumably posthumously.

[incorrect-dnd-classes]

*Wizard defending Rogue in court*

Wizard: Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury,

Wizard: Over the past 4 days, you have seen the Waterdeep prosecutor attempt to - effectively - bamboozle you with a series of hearsay arguments and loose speculative evidence placing my client near the scene of the crime during the time of the murder. 

Wizard: You are tasked to consider the evidence and whether it proves BEYOND A REASONABLE DOUBT whether my client is guilty. 

Wizard: Is my client a perfect person? No.

Rogue: I killed him, yeah.

[ecoamerica]

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[incorrect-dnd-classes]

Rogue: Where’s the pudding cup I left on the counter?

Sorcerer, glancing up: uhhh

Rogue: You ATE IT??? I had my back turned for two minutes! And it was the last one!

Sorcerer: I’m sorry. I’ll go buy you some more.

Rogue: Oh it’s not me you have to worry about. I promised Barbarian if they went outside for an hour they could have it when they came in

Sorcerer, panicking: How much time do I have?

Rogue: Ten-

Sorcerer: Ten? Ten what?

Rogue: Nine-

[incorrect-dnd-classes]

Artificer: I regret making you that blender.

Bard: Why’s that? *Sips toast*

[incorrect-dnd-classes]

Cleric: Oh, no! It’s a spooky graveyard full of zombies, mummies, and other monstrous and therefore socially acceptable targets!

Warlock: I hate it when the dead don’t stay on their side of the veil.

[incorrect-dnd-classes]

Barbarian: I don't know, this plan seems complicated.

Ranger: To be fair, you also once said that about an orange.

Barbarian: They don't make sense! Apples, you eat their clothes, but oranges, you don't?

[incorrect-dnd-classes]

You know, studies show that keeping a ladder inside the house is more dangerous than a loaded gun. That’s why I own ten guns; in case someone maniac tries to sneak in a ladder.

- Artificer

[incorrect-dnd-classes]

Druid: *loudly drinking from a pine cone*

Sorcerer: Whu- d- How are you doing that?

Druid: Hm? Oh, have you never before supped upon pinéd cone? It’s quite simple: you just have to know the proper way to milk the cone.

Sorcerer: NEVER SAY THOSE WORDS. EVER AGAIN.