#thats the system ive settled on anyway

[prosciuttoon]

Toshiro/Shuro is overhated

(mirror of my thread on twitter)

ever wanted to talk abt something so bad but u have so many thoughts so u cant even begin to organize a sentence. thats me abt shuro and its why i cant give my thoughts on him. i NEED to get this out of my system bc its takign up so much memory in my brain i need that space for thinking.

so i was really surprised to find so much hate for him even tho he seems pretty normal and rational out of the whole cast. ive deducted that its mostly abt his laios fight and that the ppl who hate him probably had bad experiences w social cues and relationships w neurotypicals bc of that. theres no way to avoid it bc its pretty much Right In Your Face that laios is ND. but thats not the only factor in why their relationship is rocky. its also the culture barrier. u have to understand toshiro was raised as JAPANESE NOBILITY ofc he would be a little conservative

also culture shock. idk if u know this but jp culture is very Mind Your Own Business like a lot of other asian cultures . ofc hes gonna be weirded out by a stranger invading his space. also his names not even Shuro. its just yt ppl not pronouncing his name right and settling for whats easiest.

img src: fan translation by savaralyn2 , i think its from the adventurers bible Complete Edition bc i dont remember it in the old one

ok you get the gist of the culture aspect of it. lets go into the ND/NT clash aspect of it. yes i understand its pretty hurtful to never be told when youre acting inappropriately. i am autistic too lmao. but you have to understand that shiro is one guy and he even does realize that repressing things is one of his fatal flaws. again. asian culture. non confrontational. that sorta thing. but these are genuine frustrations. if i were him id be annoyed too but id speak out about it. set boundaries. bc im blunt. shiros not. he was taught crazy strict manners (hierarchies, respect, politeness, etc).

his problem isnt ableism its a culmination of culture barriers, how he was raised to behave, and terrible lack of communication as thing caused by "all of the above" plus he just generally keeps to himself a lot which means repressing frustrations that will explode leading to a pathetic fistfight while hes starved, exhausted, and dehydrated. also. if he was ableist he would hate laios. he doesnt hate laios. at the end of the day, they are friends. NT and ND ppl can be friends u know. there will be rifts (like their fight) but you just have to communicate misunderstandings. theyre gonna be fine lol

anyways that was my whole spiel abt it. i think i got everything out that i wanted to? my head still feels a little full so i may add more later when i remember something

also i think its a little unfair to rule out the possibility of laios and him just being 2 very different kinds of ND bc its very common for misunderstandings to occur even then. EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT BUT WE NEED TO COMMUNICATE TO UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER! but for the sake of interpreting the Fight as a commentary on NT social rules and ND frustration, ill say toshiros NT. will we ever know? hes so far in the sidelines... youd really have to dig in the extra content to see the intricacies of his character.... please give him a chance

[ikoarts]

September 2023 Art

train derangement in full swing x

vvv dates + info under the cut vvv

1 - 03/09/2023 : really wanted to draw Ru n Toni in some eveningwear, was a fun opportunity to draw Toni a bit more masc... shes so hot wtf!!! i love these ladies

2, 3 - 04/09/2023 : a Trixie pen doodle, which I ended up turning into a full digital piece..... which i procrastinated on for months, but hey at least i Did finish it! also a little human TTTE au doodle... its Diesel and hes silly... i doodled him in the oingo boingo only a lad pose bc, damn, he really is only a lad

4 - 05/09/2023 : another human Diesel, i did end up tweaking a lot of these initial human designs, so don't get too comfy with em, but oh my.. could it be... Goopy makes another boingo reference? how peculiar that never ever happens..... anyway Perfect System is my fave Diesel song.. in my head is an AMV that will never be made

5, 6, 7 - 06/09/2023 : first, some ideas for my human Edward, thought i might as well include these, for the craic i guess x ... then a rare one of Toby (i havent drawn him since.. i should change that) and Diesel, then that one barbie meme with Edward n James, dont get comfy with either of these designs coz they're not sticking x

8 - 07/09/2023 : a pencil drawing emerges.. Eddie again, with his initial design i was gonna go with, i think the side profile is especially cute..

9 - 09/09/2023 : aaand heres the design i've currently settled on! im much happier with this, and its one of my fave drawings of last year, even if its nothing too special, hes just so cute, and thats really it

10 - 10/09/2023 : silly phone doodle of my human percy.. he drank 2 meny monsters.. cuz i think he would ig.. splort on the floor

11, 12 - 15/09/2023 : another silly (very quick) phone doodle.. i like the idea of Edward taking Diesel under his wing and nobody else can quite understand why, ALSO Edward n Emily friendship? lets go... gays stick together and listen to belinda carlisle its true

13 - 17/09/2023 : YET ANOTHER silly one... oo shes so silly so quirky... i just think if Edward ended up in TATMR he would destroy D10 like thats probs why he wasnt included... hes too powerful

14, 15, 16 - 21/09/2023 : human Diesel shenanigans, first isnt my fave thing ive done and again his design is now outdated BUT the little one of him flipping you off is so funny to me like you get em lil guy!! also Edward again big surprise. holding his little gremling

17 - 29/09/2023 : watched tobias and the last pariah and all i could think about was this meme of the brown eyes vs blue eyes thing so i doodled them on my phone

[compassionatereminders]

hey, sorry, uh, just to start this off, i don't really think i'm "enough"? I DONT MEAN THAT in a way that pities myself i mean. okay, its not like i lived in an unlovable environment growing up, but i mostly lived alone as a child because me parents are workaholics, and whenever my family is at home they always treated me like some kinda burden and that if i dont do something that they like theyd hate me. theyre actually good people but, yeah.

now the thing is, i have a significant other. its not my first relationship, though i guess it is, but i had someone before and we liked each other a lot for years, but he didnt wanna label anything and it kinda fizzled when he ghosted me, so i guess this is my first official relationship? idk, but anyway

im a very anxious person because of past family stuff and then the past "relationship" and now, my current s/o is so?? loving??? IDK HE TAKES CARE OF ME A LOT and he talks to me about things that make me anxious and he calms me down really well and ??? i really didnt expect this from him when i liked him, hes a goofy person so i didnt rely on him to be caring and ik thats kinda weird of me but i dont know what to do? he says things about wanting us to last long because he really likes me and all that and ive always taken it as a sort of joke because im a lot and i really dont think anyone can handle all of my me-ness with mental health and just, me in general, so ive always joked with saying things like whwnever he says he likes me i say, "for now" and things like that

a few days ago he asked me why i do that and if there was a problem, does he make me uncomfortable w it, etc, and i told him that there isnt and im just wired like this and he??? told me to trust him and that hed take care of my worries alongside me and im????? I DONT KNOW I FEEL LIKE IM EXPERIENCING LOVE FOR THE FIRST TIME which is weird cause its not like i dont have friends who like me, and i love them! its just that

i think very rationally about things and that, i dont understand why he wants to be with me? dont get me wrong, ive asked him and he did give me reasons why, but i just dont think im worth all this trouble hes gettingggg i dont know its a me problem bshfbfnf he could vwry much be with someone else i know that, and its like hes settling for less when hes with me bshdhdjsjfjfj i like him i really do im just not used to being loved and its making me anxious im scared that one day he'll leave cause im too much and then thatd convince me that i really am unlovable cause if he couldnt even handle me, who can, yknow

i guess im just really a coward and i should probably just enjoy things as they come but aaa i dont know

thank u for this, i just really cant compartamentalize my thoughts about this its kinda hard to wrap my brain around the fact that someone likes me genuinely and not in exchange for something because ive always lived like that; a barter system type of love and now i get to just sit back and ??? be loved regardless of what shit i do???? i dont understand

I honestly think that the healthiest thing you can do is make peace with the fact that this isn't your decision to make. You can (and should) be honest with him about what he's committing to, and why you're doubting this and feeling insecure and unworthy. But once he has that information on hand, whether you're worthy of his love as you are is HIS decision to make. And the best thing you can do is respect his own ability to decide this instead of fighting his choice.

[isa-ah]

i'm just super nervous about asking about it because i know very little about it. but like idk it seems like a possibility i should explore, but I don't even know if the info i do have is true and i'm scared of barging into a space i don't belong

tbh its really hard to self identify a system by design. you have to consider what it is and why you have it- a dire means your brain takes to break off pieces of yourself to contain childhood trauma within so that you can still function baseline. its by definition something thats really hard to confront or grasp bc its all about repression and divvying up things that would make it difficult to impossible for you to function. this is called a covert system, and some systems Stay that way. theyre functional, either without defined alters, or with alters that stealth and keep things smoothed over.

that said, there are flags you can look for. when youre triggered, how do you process it? do you feel depersonalized? not like yourself, or even not able to reflect on what happened even if you felt cognizant AS it happened? some people black out entirely when an alter fronts, leaving black hole memory gaps, but for me its more of a grey out; like im aware as things happen but in retrospect my memory of it is VERY fuzzy or nonexistent. i know where the time went, but i cant remember anything specific about it. i also feel a bit like im being puppeted around, esp bc none of my alters communicate the same way i do. (ie bentley is pretty harsh w a thick twang, shy is nonverbal, arthur is deep voice king autism, etc).

in my experience, my system didnt become more overt until several years out from living with any of my family, and with only relatively shitty things going on in my life. i felt safe in my environment and so my brain settled in and began unpacking things that i had previously been too busy in a survival mentality to be able to handle. bentley kinda shambled forward after a few days of feeling really out of it and our relationship went from there. lo says he thinks my role in the system is as a protector (which makes sense ig) so it was really difficult for me to talk about it for a good couple months bc i felt like i needed to keep it hush hush to myself & safe. its VERY hard to reach a point of confidently proclaiming you have a system by virtue of it WANTING to be covert. having a support system of friends really made the difference for me, i think.

as far as getting in touch with yourself, there are a few things you can try; art has been a big way for my alters to express themselves through something i enjoy doing, so finding something to bond over could be good. journaling often, leaving up little notes for yourself, or maybe pulling threads you feel compelled to follow (clothes you wouldnt normally wear, a strikingly specific character design, a comfort xyz that you dont necessarily vibe with, specific music that makes your brain buzz) have also all been pretty noteworthy i think.

idk at the end of the day i think if you feel like you have some kind of disturbance like that, you probably do. it might not necessarily be alters, or a system, but trauma can have a really wide range of effects on your brain and theres a spectrum of ways it can manifest. if this one is compelling you to dig into it, then you should i think! its not like youre taking resources out of other peoples mouths, it really doesnt work like that.

anyway ive been typing for so long i dont remember if i had a good conclusive wrap up so! if you have any questions just lmk :->

[lanshappycorner]

i was rlly hoping that id have coherent things to say over your akuta and akushio threads on twt but i fucken dont have anything except just incoherent screaming and keysmashes /pos running through my head everytime i reread them so im just settling on just to say, one? HANDSHAKING YOU AT MACH SPEEDS I ALSO WANT TO AKUTA BREAKDOWN IN FRONT OF DAY2 BC CMON!!!! (side b tls arent complete but ive been spoiled a bit) but god the amt of breaking points (which i all favorited on eitori as i read along the tls bc why not) i was SO sure wouldve shown akuta outwardly disheartened and then DIDNT happen was just, felt like a damn chekovs breakdown in this instance, just WAITING for the shoe to drop, (which it does seem to, eventually, and im waiting to get absolutely WRECKED once tls for that moment drop) i absolutely love the way you break down akutas incapability of showing vulnerability as a whole bc of this just. notion that if he "breaks character" he'll just. lose the ppl that he has in his life? im bad at verbalizing my thoughts but everything on ur thread just had me pointing like YES, YES EXACTLY!!! i think. like looking back a lot of ppl in the game comment "wow nothing rlly brings akuta down!!! im glad!!" and it just makes me want to hit a wall, i am so so SO sad that hes able to hide this so well??? or at least, just, in a way that ppl around him just go "oh he'll bounce back, this is good ol' akuta, i dont need to worry too much"???? and the specific mention of his um vocal tics? vocal quirks? makes me want to revisit said chapters where his voice does that bc its such an interesting thing that i did notice but cld again never articulate, and how he always leaves- no, rather he tries to get away from people once he gets dejected and loses that rasp in voice and, adopting This into the belief system, him being on the verge of crying (which is such a thought that breaks my damn heart so bad) i remember reading the tl for akutas novel and just feeling my heart absolutely Crumble at the way his thoughts were running once the whole jig was up with sayochan "as long as no one gets hurt, its whatever" and like WHAT ABOUT YOU!!! YOU GOT HURT FROM THIS!!! (and im so so so glad that day2 and the whole of HAMAhouse was angry on his behalf n went to cheer him up and just, good god kid you have ppl who love you they wont leave if you show some vulnerability i promise, fuck) this isnt short anymore i apologize, ,, (1/?)

HELLO ANON THANK U FOR THE ASK THIS MADE ME VERY HAPPY !!!!!!!🫶🫶🫶 I've been stewing over what to say so it took me a while to reply but . Yeah

ANYWAY SO if you have not yet read side B you are in for a ride ....some of the things he says about himself will have u screaming crying throwing up fr (spoilers i guess but one thing he straight up says is that he's (or rather, his existence is) a nuisance . so thats great <3) he made me audibly gasp in horror.......it probably hits different too because throughout the story he has kept his cool and insists that things don't bother him so when the dam breaks...ohhh...💀💀

(Also speaking of his voice I went back and replayed that chapter where he's in the theater dressed as a crab and you can kinda see that in his voice again😭 and also his usual coping mechanism happens when the mc suggests they wait a while longer for more ppl to show up and he just jokes that his butt hurts from sitting, but his laugh was really weak like he was completely trying to play it off😭 He also somewhat drops the usual raspiness in his voice when he starts to ramble right before the movie but it's not because he's sad but because he's genuinely excited to talk which makes me so 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺)

BUT SAME THOUGH . HIS NOVEL MADE ME FROWN SO HARD.....he downplays a lot of his own emotions in favor of other people's feelings and he doesn't express his own anger....I'm so glad the ppl in HAMA House are there to support him😭 I hope one day he learns he can be more vulnerable with them because they all care for him and would never abandon him😭😭)

as for the Akushio thread!! I have to agree that their appearances do betray how you'd expect them to be, as with a lot of day2 tbh !! Like a lot of their 1st impressions don't line up with how they actually are/think (i would talk abt it but if I did we'd be here all day so that's for another time💀)

I can't say for sure but I feel like u might be onto smth abt Akuta twisting a lot of stuff ppl say into compliments. Like as long as it's not straight up an insult, he can appreciate that ppl r taking time to talk to him I think

(I agree I hope he gets to talk to taichi although that might be because I'm biased as a taichi akuta oshi)

OOO OKAY so I think that if Ushio ever confessed I think. I think it would break Akuta's brain for a second😭 probably because it's Ushio of all people like rly??? USHIO?? but also he might find himself doubting it for a moment he might think that it was a joke but also he knows Ushio wouldn't joke about that ....so he might have to take some time to himself to think abt this, and he might need Ushio to like. Talk to him in depth abt how he feels abt him😭 (speaking of which I've kinda had an idea similar to an akushio confession but not rly ?? bouncing around in my head for a while now so mayhaps I will draw that sometime...)

NO YEAH IM OBSESSED....Akuta going to Ushio for affection is so cute (although I'm pretty sure he goes in expecting that Ushio would not agree💀) ....I hope one day Akuta goes to Ushio for affection again and Ushio actually does it and this freaks Akuta out so bad he gets really red and nosebleeds or smth idk

Anyway to answer the last part of ur ask, don't worry this isn't imposing or anything I love talking abt my blorbos<3 there's very few ppl who like this ship and stuff anyway so I rly appreciate it, ty for the nice ask anon!🫶🫶

[slacktivist]

Richard Dawkins really misunderstood empiricism as meaning:

Cognition = Valid

Stimuli = Thereness

It was taught to me in my Indigenous culture, in my upbringing, through song, art, story and my ancestral lineage: the world remains, and that we are fleeting.

Since our cognition, there has been the earth. We have told each other for thousands of years, that the stars and celestial objects have been there, they have moved, waned, twinkled, and eclipsed. The sustainability of these things over time gave us routine: Day / Night, Full Moon / New Moon. It keeps us alive and feeds us, and the International Space Station.

For generations of children, our community and family elders have reiterated for us to keep an eye on the earth. Granted, schools and media tell me to do this as well, but for incredibly different reasons. I clearly couldn't care less about white picket fence and mortgage, because my parents were fed the exact same lies that the bureaucratic and capitalistic structure fed us all. But I do it anyway, I went to school, uni, I'm even doing my postgraduate studies and working full time. I'm finally making money, finally get to buy whatever I want. I'm 25 and I should feel sorted, because I have more material wealth than I ever did growing up.

But why do I still feel the way that I do? Surely I was the perfect colonial subject. I hated being brown so badly and all I wanted was to be white. I refused to be in the sun, and obviously that made my mental situation worse. Do not recommend. Vit D is good, (always use SPF though). For 15 years now I have been writing about how the education system did nothing for me, and yet I am working in it today? Like why lol. Just leave?

Lo and behold, the songs we sang, the stories we are told. The information is contradictory to what I was made to sit through as a child. In a hideous school uniform.

Today, I'm being exploited because it's the exact same system. My supposed leaders pay me to make their place more welcoming and open to other brown people. But they have no idea that what they've asked me to do, means I need to change what they find comfortable, because they are comfortable with being exclusionary.

I refuse to do mundane jobs for money just to buy a couple things. So I've never worked to my job description ever. I do what I think and what I know is right, even if it's above my pay grade. Almost opening myself up to be exploited. I don't recommend this to anybody, because it is death by a thousand cuts. But I dream about dying anyway, so I think that for me at least, it's okay? Maybe? I really only enjoy stickers and like... cute clothes and books? I'm not out here travelling, never left the south pacific. Ive never owned a car, probably never going to have a house, can't afford a passport, or to get my teeth fixed. But i like my job and they give me a flash computer with access to lots of data to play with. That's the only enjoyable part.

Everything goes downhill the moment I need to be on the work site. All I've ever known is resisting against a culture that feels so wrong to me, thats individualistic and based on profit over people. But I honestly feel myself getting older by the day, resisting is energy expenditure. I skipped my 20s. I'm 25 Gregorian-wise, but I feel like my body ages way quicker than it is supposed to. Just feeling burnt out and chewed up and then spat out. Just feeling like life would be longer and more enjoyable for me if I learnt and questioned less. If I could just settle to the rules and say yes to everything. I wish I was oblivious to the exploitation, but it really do be hurting my spirit.

[wickymicky]

oh sick lol odd eye hit 100 listens for me

[homingpigecns]

i got bubble tea w my friend and i was like oh ill try something new so i got her favorite flavor and now im just out here drinkin $5 Garbage

[myork]

manny's one year + milestone celebration ♡

i’ve never really been big on celebrating anything, even on my prev blog (jimeanour) i never really celebrated any milestones, even the big ones. so i feel like this has been due for a while <3 and i also realised that i completed one year on here from when i started posting my poetry to writing ff and leaving that altogether and settling for creating visual content. whatever it was that made me stay, im glad, because tumblr has become such a huge part of my everyday life. and despite how constantly engaging on a platform online makes me feel drained, stressed and anxious every once in a while, i’m still glad i have this outlet. and you♡ now here’s how i’ve decided to celebrate-

Here are my rules/ categories ♡

‧₊˚ ☆ enter request here 💌 ☆‧₊˚

now for the mutual(s) appreciation ♡ if you’re tagged, there’s a message for you! happy scrolling 🤡🤡these are things ive been wanting to say for a long time okay

@jimilter miss ashible i need to tell u how grateful i am for your support because you truly make me feel so comfortable and safe and appreciated. you’re such a gem and anyone who doesn’t believe it is LYIN!!!!!! truly one of the best people here ☹️💞ily so much thank you for being so annoying ☹️💗

@gukqi nhi i love you. thats it. thats the post. jokes aside im so grateful to have u as my internet husband you’re so talented and sweet and amazing and ilysm you’re so supportive and sometimes i just wanna run over to u to germany🥺💘 you’re truly one of my lifelines here and you make me want to open tumblr even when im discouraged to ☹️💗

@jeongcake tell i love you so much, you’re one of the best things thats ever happened to me and im so grateful to have u. we really do understand each other on a deeper scale and for that im grateful because i never have to hide from you ☹️💞from our jokes to our rare serious talks, im so happy to have u ily 🥺💞

@seokljin emma angel agenda. thats it. you’re literally like the most supportive person ive ever known how do u do it? how can all of that pixie fairy dust fit inside one angel of a human being? i feel like every time i post something esp jin related im like has emma seen this? and then i turn into a shy blushy school girl uwu. anyways if u haven’t translated it all yet- ily ☹️💗 and im so grateful for you.

@jeonqquk ivy my bby™️ you’re seriously such a whore gem ☹️💗ilysm and im so happy i have you. you’re part of my support system here and im so happy i can count on you. you’re really such a fun person. pls believe your gifs are amazing or ill punch u🥰 (dont u dare say kinky)

@joyfulhopelox maria my fav internet mother idk when you’ll see this but know that i love you and im always here for you 💗 thank you for always being there for me, youre truly such an angel. you’re so so amazing and rmr when i used to joke about you being not real? yeah, good times. sending lots of love to you and nugget and always hoping you’re okay💗💘

@usertae the bestest stella to ever exist 💀💀im kidding, i mean the sweetest, warmest, most welcoming person ever. ily celia you’re so nice and helpful and you were one of my first ever giffing mutuals even when i used to post complete trash💀idk what you saw then but just know that im grateful to have you as my mutual for so long and that you really raised in my standards in mutuals 💀🥺💗💘

@parkdatjimin MINDY BESTEST PERSON!! there, i said it 😤 ilysm and your tags JUST *squeals* *clenches fist* make my day ☹️you’re so supportive and im truly lucky to know you 💞💘💕💗

@still-with-koo lilo you call me a sweetheart when you're the biggest one there is ily☹️💖 you're so so sweet and warm and nice and just such a comfort person, im so glad we're mutuals ☹️💖💕

@itsallaboutzayn ESME SWEETEST PERSON AGENDA 😤im not even kidding, you’re so nice and supportive and i love all your asks, you always have so much love to give to people and i can only hope it’s returned tenfold because you deserve it 💕💘💕

@pjmsdior isa wifey i love you so much, you truly are one of the purest souls here and seeing u in my notifs or in my inbox makes so happy ☹️💗 ilyilyilyily

@dokyeomblr elv best elv favourite elv agenda!!!! you’re the nicest sweetest warmest person to exist and seeing u in my inbox or on my dash makes me light up like a christmas tree ☹️💗ily elvie

@jung-koook im so happy im finally getting the chance to say this, but i admire you so much sky. your dedication is commendable and everything you make is always in top tier quality and on top of all that you are so helpful and kind and i rmr getting a heart attack when you followed me 💀im so so grateful for all your help please know that💗💗

@taeyungie i know we just started talking but em, you’ve made me feel so warm and safe and i just, i feel like i could be myself with you. you’re so understanding and you love animals ☹️ the older grandma sister i didn’t know i needed, tho bullying you about it is more fun 🤡💗

@kimtaegis why so nice!!!!!!! hm?????? WHY 👏 SO 👏NICE????? jokes aside, i lurched off my bed when i saw the notification of a certain userkimtaegis-main following me one fine afternoon, and in true disney movie fashion, my life has never been the same. im just kidding ( or am i?🤨) but anyways annie you are so sO SO talented and everything you make is so pretty from coloring to quality everything. i admire you so so much and im so grateful to have you as a mutual 🥺💞💘

@marvelousbangtan sookies mom i hope i spelt that right😭 crystal ilysm your tags on my posts always make me so happy and your gifs are stunning and on top of all that youre so so so nice :(((((((((((💘💞💘im so happy we're mutuals :(

@gimbapchefs idk when you’ll see this 😭😭 nat *calls for a manhunt* but im so glad im mutuals with you ☹️you’re such a fun person, unproblematic person and i love interacting with you so much. im still so so grateful for the ptd in seoul stream, you gave me such an amazing opportunity and i’ll probably always be grateful for it and never ever forget it 💗i hope you’re doing well, hope to see you on my dash soon with your amazing gifs. imy ☹️💗

@jiminswn you’re really gonna make me repeat my giffing classes agenda huh 😔 jokes aside, miss alice im a fangirl. there i said it ☹️ you have the prettiest 16k ultra hd gifs and your colouring is gorgeous 😭😭ive been following u for so long, even before i started giffing and sometimes even now i wonder how u do it 🥺💗 any time i see u in my notifs, i get butterflies okay? ☹️💞

@min-boongie apart from being so pretty inside out *sobs* you're so nice reka and so so helpful. i meant what i said all those days ago, i look up to your content so much, your colouring is always so beautiful☹️💗💞💞💘

@heybaetae i was so scared to do this but miss kelli apart from your content that is prettiest in all the land with all the pretty colours and the highest quality sharpening, i feel like i actually screamed like a fangirl when you followed me back, more so when you rbed a set of mine with “#TALENT” yeah, im gonna get that laminated 😔

@rkivedfiles miss erl i love your gifs so much and your coloring is just so pretty and distinct i feel like i can recognise it from a mile away💗im so happy im mutuals with you :( you’re so nice and i still go back to look at that jimin set you made me ☹️💗

@hannahbee12719 miss hannah i think you’re literally nicest person ever😭 your tags make me feel so warm and appreciated and im so so grateful that im mutuals with you. i love and respect you so much 🥺☹️💗💘💕🥺

@hobeah flo ik you must be a little confused because we’ve interacted but also not too much but you HAVE to know how much i love your gifs. truly top tier content with the prettiest colouring and the quality just blows my mind even on the app 🥺💗

@userjiminie i had to tag you okay? i love love love your gifs so much miss rafa and you’re also so talented like esp your pinned post 😭 how do u do it☹️💗seeing your tags on my posts just makes my day okay? and you saying u like my content made me sob for 17 miniutes 😔🤧💕

@minieggukie apart from being the jikook™️ blog on here, miss kris i tagged u because i wanted you to know that you just have a very pretty coloring style okay? 🥺💕it just so soft and pretty and you even manage to gif lq videos so well 🤧 we don’t interact but pls know that i love your gifs so so much and i actually squealed when u followed me back *sniffs*

@sugajimin i tagged you because i wanted you to know that you have amazing gifs and your a-z with jimin is my fav thing on this hellsite 😭 and even your gfx are amazing!! you’re really so so talented, the quality of your gifs just makes me gasp sometimes, thank you for following me back 😭💞

@rosebowl miss sharika you just seem like a very cool person okay? your gifs are really really pretty and i just love looking at your 100days of seokjin series ☹️i hope you’ve been well 🤧💕

@kth1 miss maggie i know we don’t interact much but i needed u to know that i really really love your gifs <3 your coloring is vv pretty and your gifs are always in such high quality ☹️🥺💗

@sopev we’ve never interacted that much but miss daphne i tagged you to let you know that 1) idk how many times i’ve opened your blog to stare at your header 2) your gifs are stunning. stunning. period. they’re so colourful and so hq ☹️💕💘

@taechnological miss sae you’re just very cool okay? there i said it 😔 but apart from being so funny and cool i think you’re just a really great person to interact with and i absolutely love all your threads, your dedication is so so appreciated ☹️💗💕

@textsfrombangtan how does it feel to be the funniest, most iconic person on this hellsite? 😔 you have to know that i love your tags so much 🤧 and i sometimes stalk all your posts because your memes just make me really happy okay? ☹️ily hope you’re taking care of your (iconic) self 💗 or else 😤💪

@jinv my tag for you is coloring genius valeinstein💀 and rightfully so because miss val your coloring is truly something else, i got a bit dizzy when u started following me because ive been admiring you and your (amazing) content from afar for so long ☹️🥺💞💕

@cherryvmin kheer my darling, the absolute queen of moodboards i miss interacting with you but you have to know that i love your content so much and you’re really just so so nice and warm it melts my heart ☹️💗💘💕

@jiminie-and-his-pinky-finger nani my bb how are you 🥺💗i hope you’re doing okay. i tagged u to know that i love you and im so happy to be mutuals with you for so long 💗💘 anytime we interact, it fills me with so much warmth because you’re truly such a sweetheart ☹️💗

@jimijimimie pristine my darling imy okay? ily☹️💘 you’re so so talented and your tags on my posts just muah 💋 i hope you’ve been well, just know that im always here for you 💗💗

@tekootine val my baby i hope you’re okay ily so so much 💗☹️ you’re a total sweetheart whos so talented and im so happy whenever we interact because seeing you in my inbox brings the biggest smile on my face 💘💞 you’re just very precious okay? 🥺😭💕

@softbobamilktae zee i hope you know how much i appreciate you. we’ve been mutuals for quite a while now and i hope you know im so grateful for your support esp during that time in my dms 💗 you’re also so relatable in your tps omg 😳💞

@introlxv onyx bb we haven’t talked properly in so long but i just want to tell u that i love and appreciate you so much 💗☹️youre so fucking talented and amazing and im so happy i know you 💗💕💞pls never forget that 🥺💗

@moonsclover ahana my adopted bb ilysm and you're truly such a sweetheart i love love love your moodboards so much and anytime i see you in my inbox, it just brightens up my day by x323239💘💗💕

@fluffyydumplings fluffy i know we’ve completely stopped interacting but pls know that im so happy we’re still mutuals and that you’re so so talented and your voice oml is beautiful(i just remembered your narration(?) for that one fic). i hope you’ve been well 💗

@vopegist kyo dough i love u. thanks for coming to my ted talk. im just kidding, ik we haven’t talked in a while but just know that ily and am always here for you titty 💀☹️💗🥺

@rkivian miss kiri you’re such a fun person and im so glad we’ve been mutuals for so long ☹️ you really stole my heart when u dmed me all those months ago hskdjsks besides everything, i really love it when you tag me in games okay? makes me feel connected to you even tho its been so long since we interacted ☹️💗

@parkjiminxfloor jans idk when you’ll see this bb but know that ily and im forever grateful for your support🥺💞thank you for all your sweet asks and tags, they always make my day 💗💗you’re amazing 💫

@alpacaseok star we just became mutuals but know that i really appreciate you and you’re just really a very sweet, supportive person 🥺💞

@thornedswan ik we’ve barely interacted but pls know im always so so grateful for you reblogging my gifs 💗

@cosyserendipity sonjaaa you’re so so sweet and i think i already told you this but im always so so grateful for your reblogs 🥺💗 and that the fact that you tag me in games, i love those!💘💗💞

@crispy-chan jas my absolute darling favourite baby ever 🥺💗i love you so so much and i miss you and our conversations a lot ☹️💗 youre such an amazing person and on top of all that you’re literally so talented and sweet. i hope you’re taking care of your precious self (hows apple 💀💗) miss you and love you tons pls know that i tagged u last so that u could find yourself amongst all these bts blogs 😭

[lunar-lair]

ok say hello to my insanely new oc who ive made entirely to be a villain who is still an excellent adult and a decent parent, probably. cares too much abt kids. think reigen mob psycho with a drop or two of milla. worked under Nick From The Mailroom and was actually in on his scheme.

has always been rather cold and brash towards adults, but is more caring towards kids. in my brain he has a brooklyn type accent? rough and tumble, walks around without a tie, yknow? they keep him cause he sorts mail real good, though.

(added a read more because this got INSANELY LONG AKSKSK i spent like an hr on this h)

he was a delugeionist, but only because he kinda just wanted to rip the world apart a little; lysandre vibes, thinks a lot of it is scum and needs to go. thinks the *psychonauts* are scum and need to go. hes psychic but suppressed it, think aquato parents but extra toxic about it, and straight up just saying being psychic is unnatural. wouldnt go to loboto parent lengths tho. so he adopted that thought of 'being psychic is unnatural and wrong', which contributed to a lot of self hate that was never learned out. likely, he realizes hes a shitty person and thinks he needs to go too. so like...yknow hank, dbh? kinda the vibe im gettin right now. way more formal, of course, and while usually gruff, is more polite when its needed; can and *will* beat the shit out of you verbally in a factual way, though, and can talk more street-lingo if hes talkin to real thugs. (probably winged it on his own after failing college or smth, hes got the vibes.)

anyways, its this plot where he slinks off and starts planting mistrust in the psychonauts or something. and inevitably he just...shows up and starts kidnapping people. dismantling things from the inside and all that. he left and formed a group who also hated psychics at some point, likely friends of his parents and friends of friends, all from his hometown. all of them fight *insanely* dirty, and a lot of them are insanely vulgar. the kids are supposed to be kept away.

but theres a line to follow here.

this man is a fold to raz. hates the psychonauts, hates being psychic, adopted his parent's hate of psychics, hates the *world.* raz is young and unburdened and unjaded...mostly. hes not the shock of water some young characters can be when it comes to being the foils of other characters; think steven with a villain or something, right? but raz is sassy and a little jaded, and not total sunshine positivity.

hes a child this man could look down on and not be immediately annoyed by, who is worried by yet respects raz's realization of the world as it is, however little that is.

and yet raz is still his foil. he still mostly loves the psychonauts, despite it all, he loves being psychic, for the most part, he dodged adopting his parents previous values, he still seems to have an even view of the world as a whole.

raz is jaded, if only a little, but he moved past it and accepted that things could still be bright. this man is jaded, but he stayed in his stormclouds, never looked for the sun.

ok where. was i. RIGHT ok so. at the beginning of this...story? the man finds raz being talked down to by one of the office workers; someone with weak psychic powers whos insanely jealous of his prowess. an adult who envies the young prodigy. and theyre giving him some insane task to do, like cleaning all of the closets within the hour, but hes saved the world twice, so he smiles and nods along, because he said he would help around the motherlobe, and this adult is asking him to do something that seems simple enough.

and this guy, internally, goes 'bitch.' for a good long second bc 1. dude even if you envy a kid, kinda fucked to show that?? not their fault 2. WHY are you asking a 10 year old to do that. why is there a 10 year old here. holy shit thats a 10 year old oh my god hes so tiny (no one told him there was a 10 year old because they knew hed stomp right up to management but. regardless. he is going to stomp up to management after this and no one can really stop him. except maybe raz well see)

so yknow. dude fixes his slight slouch and walks forward and politely tells this woman that 1. hes 10 why are you jealous of him and 2. hes 10????????? and shes like shit hes 10. and apologizes. and walks away

and raz is VERY ?? bc she was doing what? why is him being 10 important? and its that young part of you that gets pissed when people try to keep you from doing things because youre young and hes DEFINITELY yet to learn that piling responsibilites that should be handled by adults onto a child is fucked up in its own special way (looking at you ford, *nick*)

and the dude calmly explains because yea. he gets that. and he still sounds gruff and a little peeved but he squats down to razs height and he talks simply and factually, telling him straight on why it isnt right.

and. huh. people dont really do that for raz. except for sasha, sometimes, everyone likes to dodge the truth a lot with him, because hes 10, and sometimes, hes too nice to tug it out of them.

and this guy, this man that raz is already polishing a trophy for 'good adulting' in the back of his brain with his striking statements about how adults should handle things and kids should-kids should...get to have fun. not be traumatized.

for the shock on his face when raz said hed already saved the world a couple times, whats some closets. he reigned it in, said that its weird he saved the world, because thats usually their jobs.

and this guy offers his hand on instict before he stands up, even though he doesnt seem very sweet and kind like the adults that usually offer raz a hand. and he takes it, i think. he takes it.

warm. warm, a little nice.

reminds raz of his dad, maybe. he wonders if this man has any kids himself, but keeps his mouth shut, because he thinks he already has the answer, and its yes.

(he doesnt have any. he would wish he did, but he knows hed fail to raise them right.)

and when he stands, he asks raz what he was asking that woman for, and he says hes doing tasks around the motherlobe because his papers are still coming in. the man doesnt ask. (he knows what 'papers' means, realizes this is the tiny junior psychonaut every room in the damn place has been buzzing about, and he has fucking words for forsythe.) he just offers for the kid to sort mail under his supervision.

and that sounds boring. at least, it usually would.

this man is interesting, and a good...person? a good adult? hes...hes new. hes new, and calm, and a little like sasha but a lot not, and he thinks he trusts him.

so raz grins and says yea, mail sorting sounds nice.

(debatably, raz does not take his hand. hes too jaded when it comes to adults. debatably, he does not feel any warmth from this man who has taught him every adult has been telling him wrong. debatably, im projecting. but thats the whole point of ocs, hm?)

and then holes crop up in motherlobe systems. people are kidnapped.

raz keeps seeing the strange man, keeps telling him things, keeps hearing back, gruff and factual and a little annoyed, but raz can almost-just-barely tell its not at him, with the way he talks.

he can tell. he can tell.

he can never tell. this man is making sure he can tell.

raz trusts the man, is still polishing that trophy for 'best adulting' he has settling in the back of his mind.

and then the man comes with a militia.

he did not seem jaded. he did not seem hateful. he never showed any anger or hate towards raz.

but thats because he knows kids dont deserve it.

an excellent moral or two. a rotten, broken heart.

and at first, they keep the kids away, because these people fight dirty, because this isnt their battle, because the man has been sending emails about why 15 year olds are in a secret psychic agency.

(he does not mention raz. by razs second visit, he had just marked the boy down as another reason to hate the psychonauts as a whole, and especially its higher ups.

hes also regretting his alliance to nick by about the third. if he had known the man would puppet a child as if they were a toy, he would have organized his own rebellion ages ago.)

but eventually, the psychonauts need all hands on deck.

they send the children to find the missing agents.

the interns are fought on the way. some of them avoid the child, know the boss would pummel them.

they get to the base, and the strange man, the one with the broken trophy for 'best adult' (still barely-polished, because hes still so sure) still nestled in the back of razs brain, is still there.

the junior psychonauts are spotted. one of the guards throws a few rocks aimlessly.

they surprise them. one almost hits raz.

its intercepted instead.

and the other junior psychonauts watch as this man, their enemy, a villain, in their eyes, reprimands the other man for even accidentally daring, for even trying. for doing something they might have done just a month or so ago, if they had decided he was too much weirder than they already had.

and he yells something like, "Why the hell is he even here?! This is an enemy base, of whats a rebellion! This is a *10 year old*! What kind of adult sends a child *near* something like that?!" and he truly sounds angry this time, raz finds. hes too angry to keep it in. he still sounds gruff and oddly proper. raz is standing there, arms hanging. hes baffled in a specific way, the way he was every time the man's brow furrowed when he mentioned a harrowing story, the way he was the first day they met.

and he asks, a little quiet, a little small, a reminder of how young he really is, "Why are you still trying to keep me safe? We're supposed to be enemies now."

And his brow furrows further before flattening out, and he tilts onto one leg, and he swears he almost kneels to a knee.

He cant believe it. He really cant.

"You're 10." he says simply, softly, that factual way. "You shouldn't even be here."

and raz pauses. the interns freeze.

"...well, here I am."

and i think...it would be so intriguing if this was done halfway out of the mind, because this man is so against anything psychic. it would be so *compelling.*

so raz steps forward and asks again, asks why hes doing this.

and the mans eyes harden, he tries to turn off that soft heart, trying to remind himself of all that he hates. because he hates the psychonauts, because he sort of hates the world.

and raz asks why he could ever hate the psychonauts, head tilted, before listing off the few he knows to be true. but other than that, how? and ok, the world sucks a little, yea, hes seen that, gets that.

and he appreciates that this kid isnt totally gung ho about existence.

but he hates that he isnt, too.

and its this back and forth. everything the man hates, why he hates it. raz saying why its good but admitting why its bad.

and hes swayed, just a little.

but the man stands up from the kneel hed inevitably instinctively put himself into, and walks forward, hand held out yet again.

"You shouldn't be in the Psychonauts," he tells him, soft, factual, brow furrowed. "Come with me. I'll bring you back to your parents, or wherever it is you want to go."

raz contemplates. thinks, for a long moment.

he grabs the mans hand, warm and firm, yet again, for a terrifying moment.

before he reaches up to slap a mental door on his forehead, and astral projects into it.

he thinks this man is good. thinks hes just jaded.

thinks hes the best adult hes ever met, one who just happens to hate a lot of things.

hes only 10.

hes not letting someone who can tell him so clearly whats wrong and right for adults to tell him go that easily.

aaaand yknow. raz does his razzy thing. learns about why the guy hates the world and the psychonauts and himself. helps him learn that its not all bad, that he was excellent to raz, and still is, that things can be bad and good all at once.

the man concedes that raz is very capable, very smart, and can do a lot. but that doesnt mean he should have to.

raz tells him, though, that he likes working for the psychonauts. its his dream. and he realizes some things he was told to do were kinda screwed up, now. that maybe, in honesty, he was dealt a bad hand.

but hes done what he can with that hand, and he ended up with a royal flush.

and uh! yknow!! then raz leaves his mind and he calls off the rebellion! its like a rhombus of ruin type adventure, except without the villain being present beforehand. its just not clustered in insanely close with a ton of other wild shit.

anyways this got really long? sorry?? its an oc i just saw good adult and slight father vibe potential in the vibe i instantly got on him and then i went feral???? rip maybe someone will read this and if you did. congrats i honestly really liked how the whole foil and good-yet-bad and consideration of raz being 10 thing worked out. this oc is almost like our representative in the psychonauts world the way reigen is for the audience in mp100. yea :) i match them up a lot but thats just cause they vibe a lot. anyways its 1:40 am now and i spent abt an hour on this hope it vibed mildly byeeee

[instantezra]

hiya! so ive had a rough day, and i cant get my mind off it. long story short, my mom is emotionally abusive and im stuck at home. could you maybe write a fluffy comfort piece with roger? if not, thats totally ok! thank you love!!

yo so this has taken me way way way too long, but i finally got somethin for you and i hope you're doing better 💕💕 always feel free to reach out to me!! i’m always an ask/message away!!

no warnings (except for some cursing and just a lil sadness)! under a read more so i don’t clog up anyone’s dash :’) also this is college rog because he is a soft cherub boi

The red blinking dot on the answering machine reminded you of the missed calls from home, the ones you didn't have the energy to deal with. It reminded you of the missed calls from your friends, the ones that wanted you to go out for the weekend, drink to forget the week and party all night. The damn blinking reminded you that you hadn't the energy to even call Roger back. How many of them were from Roger anyway?

Shit. Roger.

In your defense, the two of you had only been officially "dating" for a month now. Sure, you had known each other for two years thanks to classes and labs together, but the whole "lovey-dovey" stuff was so new. And you didn't want to mess it up with bringing your personal shit into it.

The nasty buzz of your old apartment building's call system brought you out of the blinking light's trance. You pulled yourself out from the small nest of blankets on the couch, shuffling over to the intercom.

"This is apartment 304?" You croaked out. The rough sound of your voice was a reminder that you actually hadn't spoken at all yet today. Maybe you should have cleared your throat before.

"Love? It's Rog. Can I come up?"

---------

Within not even a minute he was knocking at your door.

"How did you make it up so fast?" You asked, locking the door behind him and nudging his feet. He nodded at your reminder and took off his shoes.

"Well, you've had us all worried sick. You haven't been answering my calls, hell, even Brian's tried calling a couple times for me. Is everything okay?" His hands found your shoulders, rubbing small circles into them with his thumbs as he held you out in front of him. "Did you at least go to all of your classes this week?"

"Jesus, Rog, yeah I went to class. I'm not ill, just-" a heavy sigh came from your chest, "not feeling myself I guess?" His eyes narrowed, trying to read your expression. The tears brimming in your eyes must have been a dead giveaway considering he suddenly pulled you into his chest and wrapped his arms around you. No words were said for a moment. He didn't need an explanation from you, and you didn't feel the need to give one up. All you needed was someone's chest to cry into and some hugs from the person you probably cared for most in the world.

Roger led you to the couch, settling you back down into your little fortress of blankets and pillows. He nestled in beside you and tucked the blankets up under your chin so far you couldn't help but let out a giggle. The small sound of happiness from your throat made stars form in his eyes. This man was an angel, turning you from a sobbing, stressed mess into one giggling at his sweet gestures.

"You don't have to say anything, and I don't need any answers. That's not your job right now. I just want to make you feel better, m'kay?" He pulled you into his chest some more. You could tell he was a bit nervous about the whole situation by his fingers drumming patterns into your back. It wasn't long 'til his big mouth had to keep talking. "But uh... do you need anything? Tea, biscuits, I can kick someone's ass if they even looked at you wrong?"

"No, Rog," you laughed, poking him in the bicep. "Just need you right now.” There was another moment of silence, but this one wasn’t really uncomfortable. The sounds of your heater kicking on and cars passing by and simply breathing filled the apartment. Instead of filling you with anxiety, it calmed you. “Thank you for coming, Roggie. It really does mean a lot. Really."

"Of course, love. Anything for my girl."

My girl. Holy shit. You were his girl. You were Roger Taylor’s girl.

That alone was all you needed. The stress of the week was draining from you along with the tension in your body. Instead of replying - which to be fair, the words wouldn't do what you felt justice - you kissed his jaw and cuddled in more. All you needed was the feeling of his fingers mindlessly tracing shapes in your back, the sound of his heart drumming in his chest, and your boy.

---------

@littledarlingwellaway @queen-irl-af @gods-remastered @meghans-corner @supersonicfreddie @bucket-of-kittens @anotheronebitesthedeaks @tardisgrump @drowseoftaylor @scarecrowmax 

(if anyone reading wants to be added to my taglist hmu bbs)

[wormssss]

so. basically. tl;dr i ffuucking hate school it sucks and it doesnt. do ANYTHING but make things worse . anyway.

the schooling system like. it sucks for me specifically in a few ways idk abt anyone else. for starters; neurodivergency literally at all makes it so hard to function in a classroom environment. its so loud? idk if anyone else gets that in their classrooms but you can hear my class of 23~ from the bottom floor of the 3 story building and that’s considered quiet. as well as like, i cannot function in a classroom without my friends? im out at school and like.... everyones.. transphobic obv why wouldnt they be, and its not in like a..any avoidable way. if i sit with the guys they’ll refuse to talk to me and deadname me all period adn if i sit with the girls theyll laugh at me every time i fucking breathe idk, but the school still thinks putting me in a classroom with kids that visibly hate me and see me as a CRINGE ENTERTAINMENT IRONY MACHINE is like a good idea? and a good way for me to make friends? i dont know if its my luck or if they’re deliberately doing it, but, next term for example i have drama and cooking as classes. two of my friends also have cooking ....but they dont have me in their class. they’re together. but im not in their class. im on my own because other than them and the girl who already did cooking these past two terms (so she cant do it next term) i have.... no other friends. so im definitely in a class of complete strangers! and the way they have this school, you have no choice but to work with someone else in a cooking class...... you are paired with someone in the same mini kitchen and its a disaster but i digress.

also, like. school goes for 6 hours. by the time you get home and get changed and get settled, its sunset so you can’t go out and do anything. you can’t go to the park or climb a tree. youre stuck inside. your family is like groggy from work or whatever and doesnt want to talk to you. you have no energy to get online and talk to your friends online. or theyre asleep. so basically at least for me i get... no time to actually talk to my friends, for example i havent had an actual conversation with piper in like... two months i swear. we’ve forgotten how to talk to eachother and that actually goes with all of my friends. by the weekend we’re still awkward because we havent spoken in months so we can’t really even talk. and because of this rigid like, routine you have to have to actually be able to go to school at all (wake up 7. eat. get dressed. go to school. come home. get changed. eat. shower. go to bed. repeat), i actually like.... find myself. forgetting Everything. i dont know what it is about strict routine where i cannot be myself (my school has a strict and ugly uniform), but it makes me ... completely forget everything slowly and my memory decays. my time blindness gets worse to the point where i dont know what month it is on a regular basis and like... i ditch a lot? because of this? maybe if the schedule didnt make me dissociate and forget everything i wouldnt ditch constantly and like. actually go to school. but like my attendance is... im not at school 25% of the time because i physically cannot go every single day and attend to that rigid and exact cycle that doesnt even teach me anything

doesnt even teach me anything? i dont ... learn anything from school. they like. reteach the same meaningless part of a subject every single year. every year in religious studies in october i learn about the rosary and we spend a lot of the period praying the rosary and i like. ok. cool. its a religious school yeah but what am i actually learning from this. and every year in social studies we learn abt the waitangi treaty but the way they teach it is so whitewashed and utopian and its fucked and they teach it the same way every year around the same time. and anzac day. and in math im not going to use any of those skills you teach me, i dont care about algebra or anything because thats not really going to actually help me in my life im an artist for fucks sake teach me about managing my own finances! teach me how to do taxes! teach me how to function in the society i live in! teach me the important things that ill sink under or die without knowing i want to actually know important things but by cramming so many unimportant things in my brain all the time i forget the actual important things, i fucking failed basic addition and subtraction last year, i’ve forgotten division and multiplication past the 10 times table, but i can vaguely read an algebra equasion BUT FUCKING ALGEBRA EQUASIONS WILL NEVER UFCKING GET ME ANYWJERE!!!!! and it makes me so fucking angry i want to learn and function and KNOW

and the way they tightly bundle everyone to being one conforming individual who dresses like everyone else, is at the same intelligence level as everyone else, is a catholic like everyone else, does not question authority as everyone else or does not question themselves like everyone else or think like anyone else OR BE DIFFERENT THAN ANYONE ELSE makes me want to FUCKING THROW UP. there are so many hopes and dreams that i remember watching from primary school to now sink into a hopeless pit of stereotypes and basic conformity, people who used to be nice are suffocated into being horrible people so that theyre liked by their peers or get anny attention from the school at all, guys who used to respect women (god forbid) suddenly becoming horrible to anyone of any slightly different gender identity but you can actually see on their face how weird it is to them, waves of 11-14 year olds getting nose studs that get infected and they’re forced to have them taken out by the school, kids trying to do their makeup to look like SOMEONE to BE AT ALL DIFFERENT FROM ANYONE ELSE are put right back in their place and told to take it all off and their parents are called and if youre caught with the wrong jacket your parents are called and youre told youre too poor to wear what the school provides yet THEY DONT EVEN LET YOU WEAR WHAT THE SCHOOL PROVIDES WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS 70 DOLLAR HOODIE FOR WHEN YOU WONT LET ME WEAR IT WHILE IM SHIVERING I DONT SEE THE POINT OF ENFORCING SUCH TIGHT POINTLESS SMALL BOUNDARIES OF WHAT A PERSON CAN BE WHY IS IT SO LIMITED? are we not allowed to do anything? you cant even have one strip of hair dye yet a teacher can have a full head of bright purple hair what’s that about? you can have antisemetic pins on your senior year blazer jacket but the second you put a pride pin on there youre called to the principals office and asked why youre promoting this to kids

you try a speech on trans rights and they dont even pass you and pretend its because you got over the time limit but you didnt, you timed it yourself for your friends you didnt get over the time limit and you know it but you didnt even place in fourth you placed last out of 6 or 8 and you wonder why that is because every year in the past you soared into first so whats that about???? in my speech i said be yourself and dont be afraid to experiment with your gender lightly and they told me to take it out because its seen as too much and i said what the fuck? that’s the most important part of my speech, i want to promote acceptance in others and the self and they said take it out or you cant present your speech. they actively suffocate any sort of self expression or nonconformity of any sort you have to be a plain cookiecutter boy or girl and thats it you cannot be anything else, for nearly 6 months theyve fought me and my mom about my hair but if anyones being hurt by it its me because it draws more attention to the kid you can call slurs, are you hurt because im actually expressing myself? are you hurt by my little sharp stud earrings and my industrial piercing and the embroidered cuff on my shirt? are you offended by the heart on my belt or the platforms on my school shoes because the last time i checked none of these were illegal things to have at school

this kind  of got a lot angrier than i meant to make it but ive been . really angry abt this for the past year idk. i really just wanted to write this because i ahvent spoken to piper properly in months and the way we talk now seems like when we just met but i cannot carry a conversation anymore because school knocked the wind out of me all over again and the sudden inability to talk to any of my friends online makes me want to scream until my lungs give out im so tired

[diningpageantry]

Scales, Fins, and other Fishy Daydreams

Archive Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18215168/chapters/43151156

Chapter 3/10 of It’s A Handheld Disaster

Word Count: 1553

Chapter Summary: Baz takes Simon's shitpost text a step further, and the outcome ends up spreading a few rumors.

SIMON

bi-sammy: sammy would still fuck huxley if he looked like the fish from shape of water

I grin smugly at my screen, sitting in a dark room with nothing shining but my mobile. The shutters stay shut, and the light from the bottom of the doorway barely filters into the room. It’s just me, this scratchy blanket, and Baz, somewhere else in England on another screen. I absolutely adore that.

gaystrell: why would you say something so controversial yet so brave.jpg

Sometimes, I catch myself smiling. Other times, I elect to ignore how real it feels. It’s weird, given that it feels like I’m just chatting with someone who I see everyday. The casualness of this reminds me of texting Penny in the afternoon on a Thursday.

Except, given the current time, it could be interpreted as more intimate than that of a friend’s text.

8am on a Saturday is usually a time reserved for comfort. For staying warm with someone you care about. Instead, I’m just messaging Baz.

bi-sammy: because im right

bi-sammy: hear me out here ive got a brilliant idea

gaystrell: whoever taught you the definition of a brilliant idea was clearly misleading you

bi-sammy: dont be an arse until youve heard it

bi-sammy: wanker

gaystrell: you’re truly proving your point

bi-sammy: ANYWAY

bi-sammy: shape of water au

bi-sammy: thats all

gaystrell: i’m appalled.

gaystrell: hold on.

I don’t think much of it. Occasionally, he disappears for an hour to two. I don’t bother asking, assuming it’s none of my business, but I do tend to worry a bit. I hope he’s alright.

After clicking off my phone, my head settles against my pillow as my eyes fall shut.

There’s something about this. There’s something about him. It’s a bit hard to pinpoint what it is, but the overwhelming feeling of comfort I have in the notifications I get from him just answering my bullshit is incredibly welcomed. He’s semisweet. I don’t know why I didn’t see it earlier, but he’s a fantastically bitter person.

My head slowly turns over, eyes opening and straining in the darkness.

I hate my empty room.

I hate the absence of comfort--I hate the plainness of these walls.

I want to say I hate my foster dad, but I also feel like I’m not allowed to say that. Not because the system will take me again and throw me back (even though I could have left a year back, if I was still in it). Instead, I feel like I shouldn’t hate him. Theoretically, I should be thankful for what I have. I’m not in a boy’s home, and I haven’t been since I was 11, but the remnants remain. The fights don’t go away, and neither do the weeks of starvation.

Still, I sort of despise living here under Davy.

That’s what he makes me call him. His name. His nickname. Not dad; of course not dad. He’s had me in his care for roughly six years, but he’s still Davy to me.

Shitty fucking Davy, with his strict curfews and practically using me as a housemaid because he’s too cheap to care for himself.

Shitty fucking Davy, not letting me add anything to my room because the day I turn 18, I’m out of here until his next kid (and cheque, apparently) come in. Told me I’d wreck the walls and ruin his furniture if I did put anything on it, too.

So that’s what I’ve got. Blank walls, blank furniture, blank everything. It’s like a jail cell for a bedroom, and everything I’ve got to show for myself is in a backpack and two dresser drawers/

But, at least, I own my mobile.

Every summer job, mixed with odds and ends shit and whatever I can do for my bill. It’s all mine, and Davy can’t fucking touch it.

Maybe that’s why, when I feel it buzz against my chest, it makes me feel more alive. It’s a reminder of all that work just to be able to talk to someone freely.

Arguably, the best feeling in the goddamn world.

I grab it and flip it over. It’s just an email about uni.

Fuck.

I end up scrolling through tumblr for a little while, doing nothing but liking and reblogging a thing here or there. It takes a little while before a little drop down falls from the top of my screen.

gaystrell: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1r7Wkwj7MSFk0--DgquHGhYVBbqneEYq0J01t0uMRmxA/edit?usp=sharing

gaystrell: feel the need to apologize before you click the link, but then again, you asked for this hell

When I click on it, it pulls up a doc titled just “crackfic”, and I’m floored with the first sentence alone.

“Fuck my fish ass harder, daddy.”

My hand flies up, covering my mouth as I practically wheeze as quietly as possible. A few paragraphs in and I’m nearly crying into my palm, muffling my laughter as I read through pages upon pages of the most ridiculous fic I’ve ever laid my eyes upon.

I check the word count out of pure curiosity, and it somehow makes me laugh harder.

bi-sammy: holy fucking shit

bi-sammy: i swear to god if you don’t post that i will

gaystrell: already in the process of making the archive post

gaystrell: i seriously believe you underestimate my sincere ability to be the biggest dick on the street

bi-sammy: i dont know whether or not u meant that as ur literal dick or the big dick energy in making that a post but id probably agree with you in both

bi-sammy: tag me in the post pls i want to be the first to reblog it

gaystrell: you’re a ridiculous, sad, little man

gaystrell: of course i’ll tag you

Within minutes, it’s uploaded with the absolute worst slew of Archive tags attached to it, and as soon as he tags me in his post, I tap the notification.

Scales, Fins, and other Fishy Daydreams

Word Count: 3,192

Summary: Fish!Huxley and Sam get it on Shape of Water style

@bi-sammy this is your fault (you're welcome)

I immediately slam like and pull up reblog, rapidly typing out my response before posting.

absolute madman. cant believe youve done this. i trust you with my entire life.

As usual, he's quick to reblog back.

anything for the absolute pain in my life x

Smiling shamelessly, I ride on the moment's high as our conversation stays out in the world. I quite enjoy this version of his softness. The public, taunting replies to mine. In all this time of following him, I can't really recall him ever being this friendly with anyone but me.

Makes me feel special. Maybe too much so.

BAZ

The jarring shock of the seemingly endless notifications rattles me momentarily speechless.

It isn't even 15 minutes after I'd replied to Snow and there's already a few people reblogging it with comments about him and I. A quick “i ship y'all’ to “powermove of the century”. Each make me flush deeper as the replies flood in.

If I were to be practical, I'm aware that I shouldn't be so flustered over the concept of us being a couple. It's most likely my overactive, sad, lonely imagination, but the idea of being loved just makes me blush. Especially since it's someone who doesn't seem to absolutely loathe me.

gaystrell: are you reading these?

bi-sammy: the what?

bi-sammy: i have. nothing to read. i cant read.

gaystrell: use your two remaining brain cells look at the notes for the crackfic

bi-sammy: holy shit

bi-sammy: im cackling

A notification pops up, making me snort this time. I pull up the post and send it off to him without a second thought.

gaystrell: sent a post

gaystrell: “sounds like something huxley would do for sam”

bi-sammy: stop im gonna piss myself shits too fucking funny

I pull it back up, scrolling down to reblog and adding a quick reply that, in all honesty, I should have thought out more. Secretly, part of me is glad that I sent it.

huxley wishes he was this smooth ;)

Within seconds, replies flood in from everywhere. From jokes about Snow and I possibly dating to the concept of Huxley writing (purposefully) shitty homoerotica about himself as a fishman. I quite like the conversation about the latter, while the former makes my chest knot in ways inexplicable.

Going through the notes makes me smile, even if it's mildly embarrassing. The amount of times I've seen the eyes emoji used is definitely excessive, but still somewhat welcomed.

Even my archive has a few comments already, although more based around the fic itself. More ironically, though, is the one person who probably took it seriously and just commented, “Nice fic!” I love the abundance of shameless appreciation for obscure fanfiction in the depths of this community.

Snow's messages roll down my mobile screen as I'm checking the comments, continuously replacing the previous message for the top slot.

bi-sammy: mate

bi-sammy: i love you

bi-sammy: also every time you reblog something of mine i get like 5 followers

bi-sammy: if you mention me i get 10

bi-sammy: youre???????????? a god????????

bi-sammy: can i marry you????????????

I slowly close my laptop, eyes on my phone with an absolutely gleeful grin.

gaystrell: when and where?

[nightmaretyrantvantas]

So I have a rant and a half build up of rambling about my very first Percy Jackson Oc Elysia and I need to let it spill so all of you get to hear this info dump about her and my feels

Im putting a trigger warning here I made her when I first read the whole series a few years back. Her backstory isnt the happiest. So im going to put trigger warnings for mentions of (but not going into detail of) abuse, self harm, suicidal thoughts, so if you cant handle mentions of that please dont read this I dont want to upset you

Anyways I have years of work into this bab of mine and I need to get it all out

Also An important thing to note is the timeline of her(and my other ocs) stories. Basically it kinda takes place...as if Trials of Apollo didnt happen?? Sorta? I made her before it ever came out and set her story after Blood of Olympus before trials of apollo was announced so its basically diverges after Blood of Olympus...if that makes sense...I hope it does. 

So basically....At the start of her story Elysia is 13 Nico is 16(from what I remember its been about two years since I read the books so please forgive me)

Ok this might jump around alot because im kinda word vomiting and info dumping about her so if something doesnt make sense please feel free to ask me to clarify I love to

OK SO MY BAB

So her full name is Elysia Angela Melina and shes a Daughter of Hades. At the start when she gets to camp shes 13.

Im going to attatch two pictures ive drawn of her to the post here

This is her with a referrence sheet of her at 13-14 and the digital picture is one of her at the present time that I tend to write about her at age 16.

So Elysia doesnt have things easy. She comes from an abusive household that really fucked her up mentally and emotionally before she got to camp. She ran away at 13 after getting kicked out of her sixth or seventh school and thigs got ugly at home. Stuff happened and she was brought to camp(im refining and probably going to redo how that happens) and well...she doesnt exactly fit in.

Shes on the shorter side for her age and shes lanky and skinny(partially from both skipping meals and sometimes only eating when she can sneak food at home) and she comes onto the scene wearing oversized hand me downs in all dark colors and long sleeves thats got a clear fearful and insecure posture and stance and is always trying to blending into the background and hide from being noticed. Shes got a thick mane of not very well cared for black hair and eyes so dark in color they look completely black, sometimes even in the light with pretty dark bags under them highlighted by really really too pale skin. So it makes her an easy target to be bullied ya know? But she silently takes it like she always does while clutching this beat up little backpack she ran away with as shes put in the Hermes cabin until she’s claimed(which has a 1-3 day delay depending on the god, because a lot of kids come to camp especially at the start of summer) 

When she gets claimed she freaks out and panics because everyone is staring at her and shes suddenly the center of attention because it happened in the middle of the campfire.

So begins the bonding with her big brother.

Shes got alot of inner turmoils and traumas and problems and inner demons and as a result she has undiagnosed anxiety disorders, depression, and some PTSD along with a very low amount of self-esteem and confidence in herself from the ordeals of before reaching camp. Though once shes at camp and she eventually settles in she starts recovering bit by bit. She slowly gets close with nico(it starts kinda awkward for both of them and she comes off really quiet and shy and terrified of sudden movement so its a little hard but they overcome it)

 By the end of her first year at camp shes gotten close to Nico but has a really hard time making friends with other campers her own age so she ends up sticking close to Nico and following him like his shadow because theres a period of time that heś the only person Elysia feels even remotely safe and comfortable around. And as a result at first she spends alot more time with Nico’s friends and various members of the Big Seven and she gets close to them as well(more to her siblings at first but she gets there shes a nervous bean give her time)

Though in the middle of that first year she meets a girl that soon becomes one of her best and closest friends, a daughter of Hephaestus named Karter Becks(the second oc for this fandom I made) and I’ll get to more about their friendship later.

So by the second year at camp shes settled in a little, shes decidedly become a year-rounder because she would rather be eaten by a harpy than go back to “that horrible place”as she dubs it(not to mention its very very dangerous for her outside of camp)

More things about Elysia!!!

At thirteen she had absolutely NO control of reign of her abilities. She couldnt raise or summon the dead, her shadow travel was horribly spotty and half the time she couldnt even do so correctly and her most experience with spirits is that she can sense them and she can hear and speak to them but she cant really see them( they appear as really really blurry shapes that hurt her eyes to look at for too long) of course she beats herself up over this lack of skill, mostly because she(stupidly but understandably) compares her lack of teaching and training and beginner skill level to Nico’s at the time current skill level. Yeah its dumb and yeah in the back of her mind where her common sense is she realizes this but she cant stop herself from doing so, just like she unfairly to herself compares her sword fighting skill to older campers that have been there longer. 

She eventually gets her own sword of Stygian Iron, because no matter what else she tries no other swords feel...right to her. They’re always too heavy or too light too awkward to hold dont work right with her swings or just dont feel right to her so at some point shes overthinking herself to death about it and beating herself up for being too picky when Karter suggests innocently that she tries swinging around her brother’s sword. “After all Elys, whats the worst that would happen, that it feels too heavy?” 

But what ends up happening is that though its too heavy for her, it still feels...right. The best way to describe it is that she feels more connected to her powers and to herself in a way. After hearing that she gets her own of Stygian iron and its...perfect to her. Its not too heavy on her wrist or too light to wield. And afterwards she actually starts getting some more confidence which helps her improve a little faster than before.

Once Elysia is fully apart of camp life it takes a long time for it to fully click that her belongings...are hers and her likes and interests and likes are respected. They wont get taken away or threatened, she doesnt have to hide what she likes or pretend she doesnt like one thing or another. She’s free to be her own person for the first time in her life and she struggles for awhile to adjust to that and accept it. Those struggles result in alot of scattered breakdowns and even one or two...relaspes that for once in her life she has a support system of her half brother and half sister, his friends, her two close friends, and chiron to catch her and help her back to her feet. She has people to lean on and depend on and not have to be afraid of and this helps alot into her recovery and acceptance of herself and her mental illnesses. It takes her two of the three years shes been at camp for her to get at the better place shes at when shes 16, where she now has a small group of good friends, shes managed to bring up some of her self-esteem and self  confidence, shes been clean for a year and shes in therapy for her PTSD and depression and shes opened up more to those around her and shes not the terrified jumps at her own shadow kid but a more quiet but kindhearted and sometimes even giggly teen whose slowly getting her life back together with plans for the future.

But on the topic of things she likes...

This girl loves-no ADORES animals, all kinds mythical or not. She didnt show it at first but she was so SOOOO excited when she realized the camp had Pegasi even though she tried to keep a distance from them because she realized she made them nervous. Oh man you shouldve SEEN her when Chiron took a group of campers her age into the woods and they caught a glimpse of a passing through unicorn. She was giddy about it for DAYS guys. She just...she has so much love and admiration and excitement for animals its so cute you guys.

Elysia also loves(ironically) learning about Mythology, from all over the world. Its her special interest and when she finds and buys a old broken touch screen phone(or one of those touch screen i-pod or something) and gets Karter  to fiddle with it and (eventually after shenanigan filled misadventures of trying to upgrade it to not be detected by monsters and fix the cracked screen) she fills that thing to the brim of downloaded auidobooks of different mythologies as she can and she listens to them when doing schoolwork(she ends up having do be “homeschool” by online classes because things just do not go right when trying to attend schools outside of the protected borders)

She also loves anything soft. Especially stuffed animals. Oh my god she loves stuffed animals, well into her teens. She had one she managed to bring with her to camp that is her ultimate comfort object, a older beat up and been through a life time of ringers and back stuffed husky doll that she cherishes and takes care of like one might take care of gold. Over time (once they found out her birthday--October 5th) she starts getting stuffed animals as presents or just even as little splurges on herself . She also loves soft blankets soft clothes soft anything. She loves the texture and feel of it and it makes her happy.

She’s an aspiring writer and songwriter and can even sing a little but she has no confidence in her ability in any of those. But she has boxes and piles of notebooks and journals filled with little cartoony doodles and pages upon pages of stories and songs shes been writing for years now

Fun fact during her first year at camp Percy and Annabeth dropped by for a visit during their winter break to visit friends and I have this whole little story I might post about hoe when Percy’s walking to go meet someone he finds Elysia sitting alone at the beach doodling animals in her journal and he goes up to her(shes sitting all curled up so at a distance it probably looked like she was crying or something) to see if shes ok and because Nico had been telling him about her via iris messages and updates since she got there but he didnt get to meet her during the summer(stuff happened and she kinda hid from alot of people) but he finds her and he sits with her(after announcing his presence because Nico has told him about her being very jumpy and easily scared and that at that point hes the only one she really opens up to so dont take offense to it) and they sit for a bit and Percy asks her about her doodles and she just, for the first time like ever, she starts to open up because she gets so freaking excited and hyper about it that she just starts babbling away about her doodles and the animals of them and then about animals in general and she goes on this whole, like 30-40 minute info dump/ rant about them complete with diverting tangent questions that she answers herself before continuing with this just lit up and openly happy and ecstatic expression as she goes on and on while hes sitting there just listening to her and smiling down at her partly nostalgically because at that moment she reminds him so much of how Nico was when he first met him and you got him started on Mythomagic and that shes being so open about her excitement and then she looks at him and realizing what she was doing and she shuts herself up now panicking about how much she just word vomited on her big brother’s friend and more importantly this huge shot demigod Son of Poseidon whose saved the world not once but TWICE and who is probably very busy too busy to be hanging around with her--you get the idea of her panicking until Percy slowly reaches out his hand and she nods to let him know its ok and he ruffles her hair and tells her its ok he liked listening to her and holy shit I went on a tangent about that. 

She also has alot of sweet bonding moments with Nico and Hazel because they teach her about having a loving and caring family and what thats like and its really sweet and cute and emotional

Did I mention she likes taking Nico’s shirts? Oh yeah she likes “borrowing” Nico’s shirts, and some of his jackets, mostly t-shirt and long sleeved shirts because once they get close his scent and presence really relaxes her nerves if she gets anxious. Of course its not stealing, its just borrowing and eventually giving back on laundry days...or he just lends it to her without being fully aware of it. Its cute because shes so short that they end up really big on her and she loves flapping the sleeves and the feeling of being engulfed in the safety of his presence without him even being there

ANYWAY COUGH COUGH 

uhhhhhhh....yeah thats alot about her huh I think i’ll leave you all with that to take it and make sense of and I might make a part two(or you guys can ask about her too) 

and yeeeeeeeeeee thats my PJO oc Elysia Melina!!

@phantommoonpeople 

@kid-crashed

@demidorks (im sorry if im bothering you by tagging you youre one of the pjo blogs I follow and one of my favorites)

[coolgirl]

what are you favorite headcanons about the jason lives au ?

the gigst of it that i forgot to repost here is

jason never met the woman who gave him his parents stuff, for whatever reason, so he never finds out about sheila and doesnt die.

HOWEVER his relationship with Bruce was still strained + he still was going through some shit.

so when he had another bad fight with bruce he was like [that one meme voice] “Bruce can’t fire me from being robin if I quit first,” it’s super dramatic and jason ends up locking himself in his room, and later on leaving the manor in the middle of the night or something. He doesn’t need Bruce, he had managed to survive all by himself before and he sure as hell can manage now.

i think that would be like.. a wake up call for Bruce? He would be like “He’s gonna be fine, Alfred, Dick also left and he’s doing just fine, I need to give him space” to which Alfred would respond “With all due respect, master bruce, but are you fucking kidding me” Because well for starters Dick and Jason are two different people +Dick had the titans, he had friends, a support system outside of Bruce and Alfred.. which jason doesn’t have. So i think that would help Bruce notice how much he has been fucking up with jason, and how he can’t just try to raise him like dick and expect the same results, I guess?

Anyways point is he would track down jason… would fight again.. and would end up making up and compromising? They would both get get some help, Jason promises on trying to focus on Jason Todd for now, instead of Robin, and Bruce will make up with Dick as soon as he’s back on earth.

Eventually I have the idea of jason becoming another vigilante instead of going back to robin.

(“so, does this mean batman gets robin back?” “Are you kidding me, Bruce? I’m not gonna run around wearing those scaly shorts until I’m nineteen.. I’m not Dick, remember? Do i have to get in contact with Maurise to tell her you haven’t been paying attention during your sessions?” “Son, Please,”)

I settled down for Red Robin because I really like earth-51, and it would be exactly like that, with jason and bruce (and probably dick! As by then their relationship would have improved a lot) working together to design a costume etc.

NOW this is new but ive thought about it and i really dig the idea of jason picking steph to be robin after him… like i think that w/o him dying they would’ve met at some point and she would become robin, as i like the idea of Jason leaving Gotham and Bruce for a while to work with his own teen titans team (originally Kid Devil, Rose, and Connor, but Jay and I talked a lot about it and came with tons of different options so it's not set on stone yet).

I think tim would still show up in some way but i havent decided how.. but I DO know that he knows their secret identities because he still figured it out, but he has like no reason to get into the business himself so he's more of a background character.

uuuh jason would def go to college and i think that would be his priority, like.. “I have a 8am exam tomorrow, go ask cass” “already did! And shes in france! do you think you were my first option?” “Wow steph you really are doing a good work at convincing me. And France? Since when???” “last night, she’s doing wonder girl a favor but that’s not the point!!”

he’s dating Kyle but like they met OUTSIDE hero business and it took them like. A couple weeks to notice that hey! thats green lantern/red robin!

i havent figured out his moral compass as i like. really think regardless of him living he would still think some people deserve nothing but death, but I think he wouldn't straight up kill people, but there's a fat chance there's times when he didn't do "everything" he could to save some people who didn't deserve it.  

[nastyboyluke]

late night video chats - lrh

anon asked: Here’s an imagine idea.. a girl and Luke are on FaceTime and they pull an all nighter doing crazy , fun and cute stuff and confess that they have feelings for each other (they’re still not in a relationship)

tHIS IS SUCH A CUTE IDEA MA HART <3333 HOPE YOU ENJOY LOVE XX ps there is so much ed sheeran going on in this imagine because i was listening to + writing it. it was very emo and fluffy night rip

it was a normal saturday evening, you were laying on your bed, listening to music while going on twitter to chat up on tea going on in the world. as you were looking at a thread of vines, a notification popped up at the top of your phone.

as your eyes scanned, it was a message from your best friend luke. the two of you have been friends since your first day of uni, in whole new land you’ve never been—australia.

cheese toastie 💛: y/n!!!

you smiled, tapping on the notification, opening fully to imessage

‘yesss :-)’

cheese toastie 💛: im so bored and i dont feel like sleeping tonight idk why but you wanna face time all night?

a giggle left your lips as you read the message at his silly excuse to talk to you. although you were friends with luke, your feelings couldnt help but further into stronger feelings for the blue eyed aussie.

‘sure let me get my laptop and ill call you when im ready lol’

cheese toastie 💛: ill be waiting <3

little things like luke simple sending a heart would make your heart flutter with happiness. but deep down you knew luke didn’t see that way. he did it in a friendly way. in fact, he even told you he had a major crush on girl but he’s not sure whether or not he should tell her how he felt because he didn’t want to possibly ruin the friendship they have now.

it hurt that you knew luke had eyes on someone else, but you were happy for him none the less.

once you got your laptop ready to go hooked up to a charger, you opened up facetime, clicking on lukes contact. it only took a second for him to answer. next thing you knew you were looking at his little button nose and blue eyes.

“hello?” his mouth was obviously very close to the mic because it boomed through your laptops speakers.

you laughed loudly at how silly he was. “hey weirdo.” you continued to giggle. luke pulled the camera back, so you could see him fully. he rested his phone on whatever it was, checking that it wouldnt fall.

you were 99.9% sure luke was looking at himself in the corner as he was checking his hair before clearing his throat and waving at you.

“are you done checking yourself out lucas?” you asked, grabbing a pillow to hug in your arms.

“dont act you were watching, y/n” he rolled his eyes. luke had pulled a tub of ice cream into frame with a big spoon. “welcome to my muckbang! wait, muckabang or mookbong? im so confused with how you pronounce it.”

“i think its pronounced mookbang. im pretty sure.” you shrugged, watching him spoon some ice cream into his mouth.

“weird. anyways, hows your day?” luke smiled, tilting to the side like a puppy.

“im okay. can i copy your notes by the way for music theory?” you asked, cuddling your pillow. luke looked so cute, he had messy hair with small bags under his eyes with his unshaven face and a pink floyd shirt that feels he practically lives in.

“oops, kinda forgot to do that too. it’s okay we can get starbucks and do it together then.” he shrugged, shoving more ice cream into his mouth. oh did you forget, that his lipring? yeah thats super hot.

for a while, you and luke talked about school, and what was coming—mainly exams which none of you weren’t looking for—until you were just watching him to continue to eat ice cream.

“y/n?”

“yes?”

luke was about to get serious, you sensed it. because he sat his ice cream aside and was sitting up now in his seat. “you know that girl i told you about?”

“yeah, but why wont you just tell me her name rather then just calling her ‘the girl?’” you pouted, folding your arms across your chest.

“because… you know her and like—i dont know—i just dont want to!” luke was now pouting making you giggle.

“oh my god—its zoe isnt it?! or ashley?!” you gasped.

“no! its none of them! ANYWAYS,” he sighed, luke began to fiddle around with his lip ring. aw, he was getting so nervous talking about her. “i think im gonna finally tell her. like really, really soon.”

a smile went across your lips, although you were sad on the inside, you still gotta cheer your best friend on. “really?! wait oh my god you should do it now! i wanna see this go own live.”

“maybe later. i dunno.” he shrugged, his cheeks were pink. luke grabbed his ice cream again. “its time for a dance party nowwwwww.” he got up from his seat, coming back with his laptop. he began to play shape of you by ed sheeran, dancing in your seat.

the both of you were singing along to the years, bopping along to the song. although your music tastes were very different, one thing you and luke will always agree was on ed sheeran. in fact, the two of you even went to see him concert a few months back and you had the time of the life.

luke at this point was up on his couch, swaying his hips and screaming the lyrics. you laughed so hard that your ribs began to hurt. the sugar in the ice cream was definetly kicking into his system.

this continued for another two hours, making it already midnight. after laughing so much at how stupid luke had been, your stomach pratically hurt. finally the boy settled down, grabbing a blanket, wrapping it around him.

“i wish we could cuddle right now, its fuckin cold in my apartment.” he groaned, lowering his music so you could hear him.

“ha its the perfect temperature in my place.” you stuck your tongue out at the camera. the blue eyed boy simply just rolled his eyes and continued to groan.

“luke can you sing me my favorite song?” you asked, giving him a big smile. “pleaseeeee?”

“why should i?” luke asked, already grabbing his guitar and a pick off his coffee table, checking if it was in tune.

“because youre my fwend.” you said in your baby voice making him giggle a little bit.

“okay only because you’re my best fwend.”

lukes calloused fingers began to pluck at the strings to create the tune of lego house by ed sheerans. lukes strong yet soft voice belted out the beautiful words of ed, making your heart swell. you watched the boy quickly get deep into the song and his feelings, keeping his eyes shut majority of time. however, when luke did open his eyes, he looked at you.

just as luke got deep into the song, you did too. so much at tears streamed down your cheeks.

“and its a dark cold decemeber, but ive got you keep me warm

if youre broken, ill mend you

and keep you sheltered from the storm thats raging now.”

he sang the last part, opening his beautiful crystal eyes, looking at you wide eyed.

“are you crying? im sorry! i didnt mean to!” he began to panic, luke hated to see you cry.

“you’re just that good of a singer luke,” you laughed, wiping your tears. “you make me cry.”

he gave you a little smile, putting his guitar aside. luke picked up his phone, walking somewhere, then was now laying down in his bed. you sniffled, wiping your eyes as you watched his sleepy face.

“can i tell you a secret?” the boy asked softly. you nodded for him to proceed with what he wanted to say. “the girl that i’ve been telling you about, well, it’s you. you’re the girl.” once luke said those words, a small giggle left his lips. he searched your face through the screen to see how you felt, but he wasn’t sure.

you however, sat there in shock. “you—you like me?” you stuttered looking, going wide eyed now.

“yes, y/n, i like you—like a lot.” luke was smiling big, running his finger through his hair.

“oh my god.” you laughed out loud to the ceiling. “you’re not joking right?”

luke laughed now. “no im not! why would i joke about that with you!”

you smiled back at him, tugging at your bottom lip with your teeth. “i like you too luke. i thought never in a million years that you would have feelings for me back.”

“well i do.” he stuck his tongue out at you. “i wish i could—kiss you.” once those words left his lips, luke’s cheek went pink.

“then come over and make it a reality.”

-

next thing you knew, you were running to the door once luke texted you that he was here. when you swung the door open, you looked at him. the blue eyed boy took a step forward, grabbing your face as your arms went around his waist.

“i’ve been dreaming about this moment forever.” you whispered. luke let out a gentle laugh before connecting your lips with his.