#thats why i havent been posting for 3 days

[mak1lol]

A late birthday gift for @bruhstation

Happy belated birthday indo bestie :)

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

due to things lining up Horribly, no stream this weekend! and maybe not the next, either!

[tealfruit]

I will never disparage another artist for getting that paper or having a different skill set from me but it is the most discouraging thing to see a popular artist making fucking BANK because since they are popular, theyre able to charge more for a lesser amount of work AND still pull in a mad amount of clients doing it. like good for them but why can't it be me

[orcelito]

oh wait it's also nanowrimo month now

i wont formally participate. but im also curious. how close to 50k i could get.............................

[devotedlystrangewizard]

Well now I absolutely have to know what character you were wrong about

the good old days of almost 6 months ago when this was still kind of a joke <333

[dizzybizz]

hai here is a sketch dump with too many fandoms :) sorry about the ungodly amount of men here i have been going through it and by it i mean gay

ok wait i ran out of tags??? it wont let me tag them all😭😭😭 im gonna have to be sparing with them uhh i guess i will have to ramble under the cut then cus i like rambling in my tags but i cant with this one 😭

(ok im back from the ramble: it is way too long.... proceed forward if you want to see some guy just absolutely talk nonsense for entirely too long)

no cus i swear i have tried tagging more stuff than this before and never hit the limit but whatever

hello i really use this like a fkn blog huh

i just wanted to provide some thoughts on the harper and rosé one first bc its important to me 😌 cus i was thinking abt harper and how in my head and heart of hearts she would be the kid who thought you get pregnant from kissing and i dont think she ever really grew out of that belief. <- this ended up spawning the idea of harper being a sex-repulsed ace and i will die on this hill actually. fight me or die, you die either way actually nvm

this is just a buncha blorbos i dont know what to tell you really. sketch pages like these always end up so weird for me bc for some reason my brain always wants the characters in them to interact in some way. whether that be talking or just reacting to what the other is doing... its something i cant stop with, its so stupid and silly and i hate it and i love it. where else would i see kabru slowly losing his mind with how loud phoenix wright is in court????

I THOUGHT I HAD GOTTEN OFF THE RAILS WITH THAT BUT THEN THE NEXT PAGE HAPPENED. and all i could do was laugh and ask "what the fuck am i drawing??? HOW DID WE GET HERE? WHY IS THISTLE HERE WITH LEOPIKA HELP" LIKE that page started with the big leopika and then i was like "man i miss thistle lemme draw him real quick" but the curse struck and now hes being homophobic so </3

i rlly like how the nic(k) page turned out ... i just have a lot of nicks i like drawing idk.. the lil guy is an oc,,, one day his ref sheet will be finished and itll be awesome but not for now, sorry baby, no can do. im weirdly happy with how the hands turned out for all of them tho?? so thats a W

yotasuke, murai, nick (youll never know which one im referring to. .. jkjk its hoult i love the pose there ehehhe), nic and the entire last page r my favs. i like em all but those rlly get me yknow- the olly too ofc but ive already posted him, dont mind him being here, hes part of the set. AND OVER ALL IVE BEEN HAVING SO FUN WITH SHADING BLACK AND JUST LEAVING SPOTS BLANK ITS SO ?`????

WHY IS THIS SO LONG PLS DONT READ ALL THIS THIS IS STRAIGHT UP EMBARRASSING AGHSDFGSDHJSGD im all like "yeah i dont like talking about myself or whatever" but as soon as i get to my process or blorbos or smth the floodgates fucking break open, not even burst man.

also dont mind how i havent even acknowledged pingas twink pokemon counterpart. hes just here for shits and giggles i dont know the guy like at all, i watched a handful of eps of horizons and that was it RIP

[3liza]

saw someone talking about "scary dog privilege" on here today and cant find the post again but i guess it refers to when women are bothered less in public when accompanied by a large dog, and bypassing the quibble i have with calling that a privilege, i can absolutely 100% confirm it is true.

i was approached by a 30s-40s single white man wearing the Dipshit Uniform (guy in a baseball cap who looks like he drives an f-150 and has voting opinions i would not agree with) on the street the other day and all he had to talk about was Churchgrim. that he was VERY large, looked like a good boy, obedient, what breed is he, etc. this is the only interaction i get from men in public anymore unless i do not have the dog with me, at which point it goes back to the usual bullshit. however it has to be an actual scary-looking dog and you have to visibly have control of it. this is not why i got a large dog, it's just a side benefit. it probably has a lot to do with the masculine cultural coding of any large dog breed that isnt a poodle or a sight hound more than it does the actual violence potential of the dog, but those two things are related. notably, not a SINGLE man has tried to mansplain dog care or handling to me for five years. not one. i cant explain this because its not like being visible capable at a task or skill will stop them in any other circumstance, including when you are holding a literal firearm.

i remember reading some stupid op-ed from some idiot woman who got a dog "for protection" on her jogs and was baffled when men were not intimidated by her golden fucking retriever (although they should have been; goldens bite a lot, statistically, probably explicitly because people do not take them seriously)

the fact that men's body language and tone of voice has changed so drastically from before when i had a 90lbs black shepherd mix standing next to me is pretty damning tbh. all people both intentionally and unintentionally modulate their communication styles around that type of dog to display respect, interest, or fear, experienced dog people can be identified instantly by their comfort and confidence with the dog, and people with dog phobia are the opposite. the dog instinctively puts himself between me and approaching strangers, probably not out of a defensive instinct in grim's case but because strangers are interesting and he wants to be closer to the object of interest, but the physical barrier this creates is a great benefit to me.

specifically, men talk to me much much much more like they are speaking to another man when the dog is there. part of that is men are often genuinely interested in knowing information about a large dog of grim's type and are not using the dog as an excuse to flirt with or harass me. grim has a phenotype that is familiar to certain experiences within the united states as a "porch dog" or "yard dog" or "farm dog" that everyone who has lived in rural areas has usually known or owned a few notable examples of, and thats a general class of dog that tends to be good at listening and responding to humans and has a lot of opportunities to display intelligence or good judgment, so people with rural experience tend to associate him with good memories. he's also "handsome" in the dog sense because he got to keep his balls until he was 3, on the advice of his vet, and as a result he developed nice-looking musculature and a big thick neck which you dont get on city dogs much. he gets a lot of positive attention from older ladies as well, who you'd think would be afraid of being knocked over, but who are always just besotted with him for reasons i havent quite figured out yet. maybe they like seeing a youngish woman with a dog like this, i know that i feel good and happy when i see younger women and girls in situations where they seem safe or protected to me. i think to myself, "i don't have to worry about her" and i feel relief. observing young women and girls often triggers anxiety for women who are even just a few years older than they are, out of pure empathy. its one reason it's so important to be kind to younger people than you are.

anyway it's damning to the men because of course men don't think rationally that the dog would understand and be offended or angry if they sexually harassed or disrespected me. but they are still on their best behavior because the dog is an implicit threat that i can defend myself. and perhaps not only did they have nothing real to discuss with me before now because they assumed we had nothing in common and that i was an idiot or not human, but they are watching themselves carefully to only express normal human civility. i dont get that from random men without the dog. mostly (not entirely but mostly) i get either casual disrespect/disregard, or outright sexual harassment. when i was younger and less experienced with men and had fewer cycles of these interactions, i was completely unaware of how disrespectful these approaches or comments were, which is the interpretation i can see less-experienced women making now, even if they're my age. and when i was 20, my 30 year old friends seemed pathologically misandrist and defensive to me. it was purely the difference in our actual mileage. that sucks man. wish we could just be normal around people and not have to expect the worst constantly.

anyway, good dog

[machiten]

thats my seat!

academic rival scaramouche x gn!reader headcanons

warnings: scaramouche(bro is a whole warning), foul language(it's scaramouche we're talking about here so), reader is mentioned to have bad eyesight, fights, angst, academic validation, bad parenting

barely proofread lmao im tired, it's 3:15 am and im starving. there will be a chapter 2 ofc i just wanted to post something goddamn my blog has been empty for so long (4 days) didn't have a way to keep track of the word count but it's kinda long. anyways hope u enjoy!!

oh god

when i say rival, i mean full on brawls on the school hallway

so let's say you've been top of your school since day one. your name has always been at the top of the score board every exam, always class representative, and well known as a smart kid ever since you steped on school premises.

you work hard to keep your grades up, your parents pay enough attention to your succesful brother and none for you

having a successful brother plants high expectations on you. i mean, he did very well, so why cant you? you both have the same blood running through your veins. your parent's praise, that is all you've ever wanted. and yet you're not even informed if there's a family outing, leaving you in your house alone

it has been like that for years

not until one day, you enter into the classroom and someone else is sitting in your chair. someone unfamiliar is sitting on your chair.

"hey, excuse me. i sit there." you pointed at what is supposed to be, your chair. "what, i dont see any names on it." Ok, what. when you finally look up to the culprit, my goodness. Fierce purple eyes that looks like it holds the entire universe, his skin as fair as a maiden, lips plum as a springs fruit, a beauty mark at the underside of his right eye, and his hair a unique color of indigo that is cut in a weird jellyfish-ish hairstyle. while yes, he looks ethereal, not gonna lie (if he had longer hair you might've mistaken him as a girl) his personality certainly does not match his elegance. an annoyed look currently adorned his face, as if you disturbed his peace.

"done checking me out? i know im hot, i get that look everyday so dont ever think you're special." and now it changed into a cocky smirk. the nerve! not only is he sitting on someone else's chair but it seems like his head is getting bigger too. "well excuse me, i havent seen your around school until today so im guessing that you're the transfer student our teacher talked about last week. but do you mind finding a new spot, i sit there." you glared at him.

"no i like it here. here's a better idea, why don't you find a new spot. im the new student here, show some courtesy."

"no- what, go away thats my seat!"

"alright everyone, settle down- oh, i see that the new student is here already," the teacher finally came in the classroom, cup of steaming hot coffee in his hand. Everyone sat down on their seats while you are still standing up waiting for this person to look for another seat. Lmao guess what, he didnt move.

"(name), c'mon sit down. i know getting a new friend is exiting but we have to greet the new student properly. now go find your seat."

"wait but sir--"

"sit down, (name)"

"yeah that's right (name), sit down" a voice beside you spoke. you looked over to the new student adorning a triumphant grin at your loss. and so you are now forced to sit at the back, barely seeing what's in front because of your poor eyesight, and wearing a vengeful spirit.

epic first meeting

the seats in the back are okay, its breezy and you now sit next to xiao (his music taste is so good) but yeah, you cant really see the board clearly so you get notes from mona at the front

at first, it was a one sided rivalry. how hated how rude and bratty he was and at that time, he didnt seem too care (like he get those everyday). but then he started fighting back and oh boy he hasn't had this much fun in years!

the way you retort back to his harsh words is so amusing to him. usually, no one would dare talk to him in a degrading manner but then you came into his life, claiming that he's sitting on your chair, and it was never the same ever again.

now, he looks forward to everyday. he rises up earlier so that he can sit at your chair first, he keeps looking at the classroom door everytime someone enters (in case it's you so that he can give that shit eating grin), he loves how your face gets messed up when he wins an argument, he loves how small your hands are compared to his when you have a brawl in the hallways, and most of all, he loves it when you give him the shit eating grin when you win something (he says he let's you win sometimes because he pitied you, but is it really?)

to him, this is fun, amusing, entertaining. but to you? you've never felt this much hate in a human being, ever.

scaramouche is smart as fuck and he demonstrated that loud and clear

he aced the math test that the teacher gave that wasn't even taught to him

in presentations, he speaks loud and clear and you can really understand the point he's making

he doesn't really like group works (you noticed) but if he was put in a group, he does most of the job flawlessly

sports? oh of course. he's really good at baseball (pitcher). he's also good at other sports but not as good as baseball

oh and pray that you don't get him as your opponent in debates, you will be grilled like a brisket

did i mention he sleeps in like 70% of his classes? it's not like the teachers can do anything about it. he excels in everything, at least let him sleep as a gift

the only times he would be awake is when he pulls on your strings

but of course, you're also good in all of these, that's why you both are rivals

you fight almost everyday for the top spot (and for your original seat) to the point where its a daily routine to everyone else to see you both pinching and arguing in the classroom

He doesn't have any close friends (ahem childeahem) and it's either bc ppl are intimidated by him or he just doesnt give a fuck about friends

maintaining grades is one thing, winning against him is another

you are very intellegent, yes, but you work very hard for your grades every night. losing sleep studying for upcoming quizes and making sure your projects are perfect. unlike him who doesnt even try

you havent seen him study once

and it makes you see yourself lower. you're both equally in par with your grades but thats when he doesn't even try. what happens when he takes everything seriously? what if he studies as hard as you do? where will you stand then?

but when you got 2nd place for the 3rd time this year, he took it too far

"what the hell?! this is the third time!" you looked at the results in the bulletin board expecting to see your name in first place. you studied hard, right? so then why,,,

"oh oops, looks like i did a little too well again this time. aw and i didn't even answer some of the questions because i felt bad for beating you the last two times." a snicker is heard behind you and sure enough, piercing indigo eyes is looking at yours in pure pity. "thanks i guess. are you happy now? that's three times in a row!" aether beside you is now having a deadpan expression, expecting the worst. 'alright here we go again'.

"oh yes very, you know what makes me even happier? your declaration that you're inferior to me. why do you even try anyways, it's clear to everyone that im better. you're just wasting your time burying your head in your books and notes when we both already know who's coming at the top. imagine not meeting your parent's expectations." he's now looking down on you, beating you up with words that you know damn well are true. but that doesn't mean you're not gonna fight back.

"what."

"oh you know, maybe if you tried harder, the cost of your education might be worth it for your parents. honestly, if i we're them id--"

before he could finish his sentence, a loud echoing smack is heard all across the hallway, making everyone's attention turn to the commotion. scaramouche head is now turned the other way, his cheeks beginning to flare from the hit as he glared at the culprit, you. "you motherfucking bitc-!" you tackled him and due to surprise, he fell back. aether is now alert, shouting your name trying to get you to your senses.

you gripped scramouche's collar, rasing his head from the floor and slamming it back down. "you're an asshole, you know that?! i try my best everyday and this is what i get?!!" he fights back, hand on your arm that's trying to get a hold of his hair and another on your neck, holding back your weight.

"you don't know what it's like!! you will never know what it's like being compared to your brother everytime they get a chance!! you dont know what it's like going home to nothing but words of disappointment when you did everything you can to get their approval!! you will never know what it's like for your efforts to go to waste!! you will never know the feeling of being kicked out of your own home and live in a run down apartment!! i work day and night, i lose sleep everyday, i barely have anything for myself to live, and now i have to deal with your ass every single day too?!!"

"(name)! calm down, hey-!"

"fuck off aether!"

every word you spat pricked scaramouche's heart and made him struggle from your assaults. this isn't fun anymore. he knew a bit of your situation, kazuha told him. but he never knew it was this bad. all he knew is about your parent's expectations. he didn't even attempt to fight back this time and just defends himself from your blows. 'shit, i took it too far.'

"you dont have to remind me of my incompetence! i already know, i know damn well i will never be enough!! you're right, why do i even try, right?! you're so fucking annoying, doing everything so effortlessly, like school is a nuisance!! can't i take a fucking break?!!" at this point, you cannot control your tears from falling into his cheeks, rolling down his porcelain skin.

"what are you--?!"

"why can't i be a genius like you?! why dont i have everything that you have?!! i did everything i can, what am i doing wrong?!" you are now saying intangible words that no one can decipher because of the mess of emotions you are feeling at that moment. you're about to deliver another blow when someone held you back.

"(name)! you're doing too much! thats enough!!" goddamn she is stronger than i thought, scaramouche deals with this everyday?? aether pulled you away from the tangled mess that you and scaramouche managed to create. you're struggling his hold but after a bit, you slumped down having no more strength to keep going, sobbing quietly. "...(name)?" aether said.

"...i am so tired of everything, why do i even keep trying. i.. i just want to make my parents proud..." sniffles could be heard from where you are being held my aether's arms. aether supported you from the groud and led you away from the scene and the prying eyes of other students. before you both can disappear completely, aether turned around and gave scaramouche a threatening glare. "i know you both bicker a lot but you took it too far. you are an asshole and you better change that attitude of yours or i will send you home even worse than your condition right now." and you both are gone.

scaramouche is still sitting on the floor, his arm supporting his weight, bruises are forming in his skin while he's craddling his cheek that is now very noticeably red and flaring from the slap you served him earlier. he doesn't know how to act, really. should he apologize? should he just walk away and like nothing happened? should he report you for physical abuse? he didn't know anything.

what he does know though is that he fucked up, big time. he knows that you'll never want to see his face ever again, he knows that nothing will be the same again, and he knows thag the feelings he has will never be reciprocated, after what he's done.

he actually just found out recently, when someone from the other class was making fun of you and he didn't like it one bit, he's the only one allowed to make fun of you, everyone back off. scaramouche can see the crowd dissipating, no longer interested since the main action is gone. he sat there on the floor the whole time, rethinking his life choices, wondering if he said things differently instead of those. would he be seeing you tomorrow? will you still argue with him about nonsensical bullshit? can he still hold your hand whenever you pinch him?

he heard footsteps and before he can look up, someone had smacked him in the head.

"what the fuck-!!"

"i want to say 'are you okay', but to be honest you kinda deserved that." a mop of ginger can bee seen hanging from someone's head.

"fuck off childe, and why did you smack me?!"

"because you deserve it. but y'know, it's nice having front row seats seeing you ruin your life because of that toungue of yours. aether's right you're an ass." he helped scaramouche from the floor, dusting his uniform from the filth. "ill take you to the infirmary." scaramouche can only nod, feeling lethargic after all that energy spent.

he hopes to see you the next day, acting like nothing ever happened.

part 2

[imustbenuts]

nuts reading trigun in japanese 6 - kaite's foreshadowing. plant synchronization's downside

remember in my part 3 and 5 i was talking about hierarchy? surprisingly, it continues past chapter 8 with kaite. and wolfwood. triangulating nyoom

(to be honest... ive been doing these read and analysis completely blind in a 1st JP read through. so its possible ill find new nuances, get things wrong as the context shifts and changes, so my stuff looks like its scattered all over the place. sorry about that.)

i think ill start explaining names and meanings. kaite's name in japanese is kaito. カイト. this can be a homonym with i think 怪盗 (kaitou) in this case, which means phantom thief. for trying to help Neon with stealing loot from the Sand Steamer.

left bubble next to neon: 道案内は的確だったかね！？ I trust your guide has been giving you clear instructions?

^the headaches with manga translations has always been to keep texts short and reasonable for flow and readability, so these simplifications can and sometimes must happen.

but, add dakutens, the " on 2 of those カイト katakanas and suddenly, kaito turns into. ガイド gaido. Guide.

so Kaite has been playing as a guide to lead vash to his death at the hands of Neon. this page is such a fucking whammy with the wordplay going on. if you just read this in japanese theres a moment of "oh shit, no way, Kaite, vash just told you to stop betraying people! what the hell!"

yet theres a level of trust going on already, so its not as bad as it seems

nightow really likes his worldplay. i really like this page.

kaite redeems himself by later charging into the boiler room and helps turn the valve to stop the sand steamer from running off cliff and killing everyone on board....

hm. a guide. and those sequences

we sure have a lot of guides here. one who appears in the manga later with a kansai dialect. and another in TriStamp, where he is younger than he appears.

when i spoke about hierarchy and the fact that vash is over 150, i was also kind of hinting that all of current humanity are akin to children in the system of JP hierarchy. that takes on extra meaning with a little change of context and language

wolfwood is filling in the shoes of kaito here in tristamp. and within trimax, kaito foreshadows him. incredible.

theres actually more going on with wolfwood and certain design/changes choices i wanna talk about with tristamp but ill save it for another day. maybe when i run into him in this read later

Plant Synchronization downside.

....so theres a bad downside to vash synchronizing with the plant that i didn't catch. which also answers what the fuck was going on in tristamp when that version of him hits the ground

nightow mentions this in an interview, link here posted and transcribed by xoxo-otome (thank you!) that he likes action flicks and has incorporated a lot of action into his work. and its true. there is so much action in the form of sound effects.

reading through the entire manga and paying attention to the sfx peppered around offers a lot more context to whats happening in half of the panels that seemingly doesnt make sense

like this one where the top panel has "DADADADADA" sfx. so they're stomping down the corridor with their guns crossed and facing each other. the "GO OH" in the bottom panel emphasizes the sudden burst into open air. unfortunately, anyone who values their life and sanity in this economy will not want to translate trigun's sfxs 100%.

i should have paid more attention when reading trigun in english. but i didn't so here i am. in the trigunbookclub tag now doing this.

why is it important? here. this. below. when vash does his plant thing with his sister:

see those heart panels? i tried searching real quick but nobody seems to have pointed this out. i havent seen this in EN fanfics. maybe i missed it. maybe im stupid:

thats Dokun, the sound effect of a heart thumping. as vash synchronizes, the heart panels with the same sound effect appear, but they gradually split apart further with ellipses "..." to signify his heart beat slowing down. and down. and down....

Dokun, do kun, do... kun....

then the wings comes out. and the panel below it:

sfx: PIIIIIIIIIII

breathes. a FLAT LINE.

aaaaaaAA?!

何かなんだかわかりません I'm not sure what's going on. とにかくプラントの動きは一切止まっています But the Plant's movement has completely stopped. 同時に男にも呼吸　心音ともに停止してます It's the same with that man. His breathing and heartbeat sounds like it's stopped with the plant too.

AAAAA?!!?! the も means vash is in the same state as the plant?

i.... um. um.,, ANYWAY-

AAAAAAAAAAAA?! HUH?! HUH??? HUH?!

is THIS why he has a metal grate over his heart? something happened and he an an operation on his heart???? by some engineer maybe? what? huh? am i reading this wrong? what? wait, hello? HEY!!!

what the fuck. okAY--?!

and then he just. pretends like nothing's happened. doesnt tell kaito anything. and he leaves the Sand Steamer.

and im going to have to sleep bc its 5 am now and pretend like i didnt just realize something this big right in front of my eyes during the first read.

[sigsfigs]

hi everyone!! this is a little bit of a more personal post but my financial situation has gotten quite dire so i am opening up heavily discounted emergency commissions! if you cant commission me thats 100% okay but i would really really appreciate your support in sharing this post!

payment up front through zelle (preferred), paypal or venmo! dm me here on tumblr to reserve a slot :) i expect approximately two weeks turnaround time but i'll try my best to get them done asap!

+$10 per extra character and prices might change if the concept is very complex! everything is negotiable so dont be scared to ask questions u_u

if anyone would like to hear more about my situation/why i need to open up emergency commissions, i will explain under the cut! <3

i dont want to share too much about my life on here but i do think its a bit important to give context as to why its so important for me right now !!!! i moved across the country recently to live with my friends but i managed to get a job only very recently . since i started working in the middle of the pay period i havent been able to get paid yet despite it being the end of the month when bills are usually due !! i had my savings of course but i had to chew through pretty much all of them in order to pay rent/groceries/living necessities so all this money will go directly to my survival . i suffer from a ton of chronic physical illnesses which affect my day to day life so along with bills i have been needing to buy medical supplies/aides so i can live independently in a more comfortable way . i will be getting paid eventually but for now i can only try to rely on commissions so again any support is very much appreciated! i will probably never get this personal ever again i am not a very public person at all v_v));

[squeakadeeks]

i havent overshared something extremely complicated and personal on here in awhile so its time to fix that

you might recall that after this past summer i've been trying to recover from anorexia. progress has been....ok. i suppose better than nothing but im certainly in the rocky/awkward phase of it now. Thats part of why i've been doing more illustrative art/doll art as opposed to sharing images of myself/things that relate to my appearance like cosplay.

which brings me to the primary thing thats on my mind which that historically, whenever people give accolades or shout out my strengths as a costumer, a majority of the time its on my shilloweete. and sure, i do work a lot with petticoats and padding to make things more dramatic, but fully and genuinely 90% of that is just because of how disproportionately weird my measurements are with respect to my head and skeleton. its not actually a skill, talent, or anything i've put effort into, its just a consequence of anorexia. and its hard because when people draw attention to it, i cant be like "thanks. its because ive been intentionally and resolutely trying to off myself for the past 10 years."

i guess this is something that i shouldn't be picky about, i feel bad getting upset over compliments but i do wish i could be recognized more for my design work, material strategy, and actual craftsmanship over how i look. especially because of the next thing, which is the fact that i get...a not insignificant amount of feedback from people saying they wished they looked like me in a post, or saying that they dont feel like they can cosplay the same characters because of their body.

and at the risk of being controversial, i know that oftentimes the response to statements like that are "COSPLAY IS FOR EVERYONE <3" or a similar sentiment, but this ignores that fact that cosplay is not the same for everyone. because look, there was a brief period in 2016 when i actually was at a healthy weight and my treatment in the cosplay community was like night and day. i dont know what to say when i know that the way we're going to be viewed for doing idential things is going to be significantly different, and i think back to how much praise i get for things that are disordered behavior. If those comments wernt there...would anything else actually fill that void? if that person wasnt giving me a compliment on how much i "actually look like that character", would they have said anything at all?

one of my goals is to eventually get to the point where i can make good on my word and my internal morals and try to challenge those ideas by existing in spite of them, but dawg. i just simply do not have that mental resolve yet. at the very least ive wanted to address it on tiktok and IG where this problem happens the most, but i both dont know how to approach the topic responsibility and if i could handle the upsetting comments, be them well intentioned or otherwise.

[miiilowo]

May I ask for some info on characters in your gay boy summer drawing (Idk names sorry)

GRINS EVILLY. yes u may ( vvv pictures for people who havent seen em)

human dudes named finn, big monsters named arthur. arthurs not his actual name, but ill get to that in a minute. theyre ocs ive had for quite some time now but i've been renovating because i wanna make an actual digital horror series sometime in the coming years (everything would be posted to an in-universe youtube channel 'owned' by finn)

Finn is a shoddy paranormal investigator who lives alone in an RV out by the woods. While he's not too far from town, he's out there enough to get in trouble and not have anyone find out for ... A longer period of time than what would be preferable, let's just say that. Loves ghoul hunting. loves ghouls. ghosts and demons and whatnot. Uploads everything to a youtube channel.

One day, he decides to check out an abandoned house thats rumored to have demonic rituals and summonings happening within it, cause why wouldn't he? He gets there. snaps a photo down the hall. sees a numerous amount of red eyes staring back at him, and immediately books it back home! naturally he immediately gets followed home by the Thing he found. this is not preferable.

Arthur, when summoned, only has one way he can get back home. He needs a willing blood sacrifice in order to draw the portal and return- Emphasis on the word "willing". Typically, he would manipulate the summoner into being that sacrifice, by getting them emotionally attached in some way; making them reliant on him. Whoever summoned him last was aware of this, however, and booked it before he could do anything. With Finn being his first human contact in years, he's desperate, and tracks him down-So he can lure him in and use him.

issue one: there's been a string of murders in the woods nearby where he lives issue two: he's kinda thick skulled. since the murders happened recently, there might be some weird paranormal activity happening, right? issue three: the killer was visiting the scene of the crime when finn showed up, as killers tend to do. now he has a murderer coming for his ass

now, you can't really have a "willing blood sacrifice" if someone kills them before you do, right?

the series would follow the two as arthur tries his absolute best to keep finn from getting killed, and over time, arthur realizes he isn't being kind and loving to finn just because he needs to use him to get back home anymore.

anyways. handful misc information:

finn nicknamed arthur out of fear when he saw it staring at him through his window in the dark at like 2 am and it stuck

arthur cannot form words because of the way his mouth is, so he primarily communicates through technology, sort of forcing finn to be constantly recording. think of that one scare in the mandela catalogue where the date displaying on the recording changes to the words 'bad idea, mark' or whatever it says

eventually i want finn to strap a modified spirit box to arthurs neck so he can communicate like that. ideally this will resemble withered chicas voicelines in ultimate custom night

everything about them you can find in the #redux tag on my blog and also on @reduxblog cause i RB everything there :3

[slightlyunconventional]

my. h/awks snzcanons under the cut okay ! these have been brewing in my phone notes for a little while and ive been steadily adding to it sooo yeah :) this is to tide you over while i procrastinate finishing my fic. expect part two probably (d/abi coming soon)

also!!! pls pls pls share your own d/abih/awks snzcanons with me <3 im collecting them

- hawks’ wings reflexively like. splay out when he snzs but hes sooo embarrassed by that so to counter it he closes his wings around himself (when he actually feels it coming. surprise snz is a whole other story) which is!! so cute!!

- mentioned in a post before butttt when hes at home hawks paces around the room fanning his face just. desperately when he needs to snz (like why does it always take so long to come out) he just cant keep still

- hawks’ colds are always sooooohohoooo sneezy like he just cant catch a break from it. he’ll snz like five times back to back without a pause and as soon as he thinks hes done he’s gearing up AGAIN

- not allergic to much but hawks’ hayfever is absolutely awful. all through spring and half of summer he’s unbearably itchy and with a tingle in his nose that never seems to leave, no matter how many times he sneezes

- hawks is super sensitive to physical touch though- like physically tickling his nose with a finger or a FEATHER. or something

- stifler by habit, and he can do it hands-free (HASHTAG CANON!!!). however during a fit, he can easily start off stifling but very fast do the sneezes become entirely too difficult to contain

- his number one tell for when hes sick is that he talks so much less. becomes so subdued and reserved which is a crazy contrast to how much he usually just waffles

- this one is probably overly. indulgent. but i like to think his nose is very pliable okay. AM I GETTING TOO HORNY HERE…… anyway yeah it probably squishes a lot when he rubs at it. im so normal

- nose scruncher!! at any given moment right. particularly strong smell? nose scrunched. trying not to sneeze? nose scrunched. trying TO sneeze?? nose. scrunched. hes a nose scruncher

- sometimes he deliberately flexes his muscles like. crosses his arms over in front of his face when he sneezes and deliberately flexes because he knows it annoys dabi (bro editing this post rn LMAOO this one is so funny)

- never has cold or allergy medication in his apartment he just firms it until dabi either forces him to buy some or buys it for him. maybe he has a really bad hayfever day at one point and dabi is like have you tried taking medication for that you havent stopped sneezing all day and hawks is like theres MEDICATION for this?????

yeah okay thats all. i thought i had more than this but apparently not ! hope you enjoyed and i hope theyre coherent

[narwhalandchill]

anyway tho like. overall (SPOILER FREE!!) natlan first impressions over last week in no particular order for me bc i felt like it sooooo

Firstly: the environments are absolutely insane like. i love the vibrancy they brought into it and the striking distinct sceneries between the three main regions (tho lowkey any water region post-fontaine is... unfortunate for basically feeling like its lacking a layer w/o diving) that rly make them feel unique!! like i havent explored an insane amount but a decent bit nonetheless and i think as much as i Liked fontaine the aboveground environments there just werent that unique which like. kinda couldnt be helped given the geographic inspirations like it was good and v beautiful in its own way but more like. mondstadt premium french steampunk edition if that makes sense. whereas natlan is already striking such a distinct image for itself and thats just great

also loving all the kinds of living creatures going about everywhere like not even accounting for the saurians genshins rly come so far from the early days of barely any non-monster creature anywhere (mondstadt cavalry but no horses moment) and i love all the creatures sm 💕💕 Especially all the surprise chests theyve incorporated into tiny interactions with the animals like it just feels v fresh and immersive. theyve rly nailed the feeling of making the natural environment feel lived in its so nice

the music is also just. knocking it out of the park like ive had to pause on multiple occasions just to listen bc holy shit its good 😭😭😭 and this is also sth i think compares to fontaine bc. i mean as much as of a cringe moment the whole "wow YPC left and now fontaine music is mid its over" tantrum was (ESPECIALLY once remuria dropped like 💀💀💀 that was just gloating . A whole music based region and culture????? ya we get it) buuut. now w natlan. i do have to admit that fontaine does suffer from some of its environmental soundtracks not being as distinctly memorable as previous nations and now natlan as well . obviously fontaine has its shiver-worthy standouts but its interesting that most of those for me are bc of their use in the AQ and that association . whereas natlans been jumpscaring me left and right on the first listen lmao . anyway to be clear the point is not me hating on fontaine music for lacking impact (but never polish or quality) in some tracks just that hoyomix in natlan is delivering some insanely good stuff rn jsjskskskakdkdk

next. SAURIANS. hoyo. Hoyo . WHY DO WE HAVE TO KILL THEM????????!??? HELLO????@?

ITS SO AWFUL I FEEL LIKE A MONSTER 😭😭😭😭😭 like the small ones?????? The whelps WHIMPERING?????? id rather you punched me in the face this is horrible 😭😭 like you rly saw all the complaints about killing the cute sea creatures in fontaine being too cruel and we dont want that and went bet 💀💀💀 why do i have to wear the skin of a baby saurians mom to murder the kids its so. This is terrible why would you do thisss. id rather merk 7848 seals in Fontaine than hurt a single saurian its so badd

But uhhhhh yeah saurians are great, i rly rly love their goofy animations and how much personality each kind exudes theyre just . Lovable shaped and all i just wish they didnt. Make them THE abundant overworld enemy we need for mats 💀💀💀

In all seriousness tho gameplay wise i really like how the saurians kinda bridge the gap between the older 1.x-2.x exploration where it was really mostly just you with your characters not that many exploration mechanics to boost mobility and traversal at all and then the 3.x era and afterwards where there are all forms of assistance from things like the dendro anchors and chenyu vale mechanics and everything bc. as much as the mobility boosts are nice they kinda had the risk of taking you Out of the exploration so it just turns into a zoom around with gadgets mini game ya know???? But i think w the saurians its a lot more balanced bc. youre still playing As a specific character with their own movement and controls not just getting warped from 1 location to another as a hydro bubble and thats rly rly nice. tho i have to say the koholasaur controls are kinda ass compared to the other 2 lmao . like ig its just post fontaine problems where we Already Got flawless underwater movement so its just. not the saurian alone but the water environments themselves just being ehhh without that added... depth (haha) there??

anyway unfortunately tho on a more negative note wrt the characters im still very uhhhh. mixed on the very modern design direction taken for the playable units and the overall lack of cohesion between a lot of them like. yes natlan is its own thing with different tribes and it should stand out but something about it just takes it a bit too far for suspension of disbelief . the three 5.0 characters i think look overall good and work well enough, but then theres designs like chasca and mavuika where its just . Ehhhh.

like chasca in particular (and im sorry in advance for never letting you unsee this either) i havent been able to stop thinking about a comment i saw about how like. her makeup is WAY too detailed and intense for genshins facial models and makes her face look really weird and just kind of like a bratz doll? compared to the rest of the cast like its really this borderline "yassified" parody of a heavy makeup look that just. Doesnt look natural nor fit in with the rest of genshins characters roster and she just looks off its . Weird. like obviously ik theres a lot of v intense hate going on for her design to the point where its actively hurtful to those who like her and idt thats good at all but this is kinda why her model has such issues for me. and the mess of an outfit doesnt help with the uncanny face stuff either lmao

mavuika is more of an outfit problem honestly like. her hair is good the eyes are amazing the color scheme is great & love the sun motifs and her hair accessory but i just. a biker????? Huh? and not even a particularly good looking biker design its literally just a plain bodysuit design without the usual detailing and dangly things to make it look better from the back that theyve usually done w bodysuit type charas (think shenhe) its just this. uncomfortable looking sausage casing of a disaster garment and that zipper is just.... not it 💀💀💀 like. it doesnt look completely awful if i dont actively think about it so its like whatever but i wish she was given sth a bit different. also ffs i hope she doesnt get ACTUAL motorbike animations like the memes are funny yeah but. thats too much for me sorry thats hsr and zzz stuff . like its just. The overt modernity in natlan isnt doing it for me very much 😔😔

But oh well i hope ill warm up to the cast over time. beyond mby chasca its not like i hate-hate the look of anyone to the point where its off putting its just a Bit of a mixed feeling for now. kinich and citlali are easily my favorites from the revealed designs tho and i do actually like xilonen as well (& kachina is baby) . n like to be fair maybe its just not my style this time around - fontaine was Really catering to me personally with the designs there bc i love ruffles and lolita style inspirations and more historical fashion references and uniform-like elements for garments so a lot of designs were just hook line and sinker for me personally lmao . but ig that does make it very fucking predictable that my favorite design in natlans cast so far is Easily capitano even tho he kinda doesnt count bc i just fucking love goth historical military uniform aesthetics so much its embarrassing 😭😭😭 dont ask me how many times ive rewatched The cutscene just to watch the way his garments shift around as he moves at the beginning its...........

iiii dont think im gonna comment on the WQs yet? since its bit of a spoilery territory and im far from done w all of them but ive really liked the ones ive done so far!!! And hmm what else

OH THE REPUTATIONS. So first RIP weekly bounties and requests past max reputation for 150k weekly free mora that was such an unnecessary change hoyo what the fuck.

BUT. i have to say. Absolutely LOVE how the reputations are now distributed among the tribes and how much more lived in the entire nation feels compared to p much. ANY previous one by having multiple settlements and communities that all get their own quests and narratives like. yes its a natlan thing bc it has the 6 tribes but i RLY wish theyll keep some version of this system for snezhnaya too bc like. Especially with the story quest incorporation into the tribal chronicles chain its just??? Such an organic way to tie a playable character INTO their environment and community in a way thats been a major failing in a lot of older SQs before like its just. genius

anyway point being. just Imagine playable tonia happening except theres also some sort of morepesok reputation questline and system like??? Actually featuring the village and its people AND childes entire family fr fr in their own storyline in a voiced capacity?? Please itd be so good 😭😭😭😭

but yeah i love the tribal chronicles approach so much its like the perfect marriage between world quests and story quests and reputation like chef kiss truly. and also new bounty and request QoL is great.

Also no spoilers but man doing the first parts of the scions of the canopy quest.... yeah i was in fucking tears . If you know you know.

aaaand i think thats it for now ??? Overall been having a great time, not pulling for anyone in 5.0 on my main, maybe kinich on my alt but cant guarantee him there . i think ill get xilonen and then mavuika for sure bc obvious archon (unless shes an on fielder HSJSKSOEKDIEI) but the big lookout is still chioris rerun lmao. xilonen and her at the same time would be ideal thanks xx

hope its been fun for yall too o777

[p1xiemeat]

Your favorite game is alice madness returns and u just happened to have received shock therapy justt like alice did? You're so full of shit its not even funny😂 Stop trying to be like alice.

um i never received shock therapy? if you actually read my posts you would know that i said that a doctor tried to force me to get it. i ended up hopping the fence to escape that place before i ended up being taken to another building to have it done.

i lost my right to deny treatment because i was deemed to lack the capacity to make decisions for myself by a judge. i had been committed to that hospital for 6 months and ended up staying there for longer than that against my will. i was sent there originally because i had attempted suicide and i was deemed a danger to myself. but i got sent to a more intense hospital because i was physically resisting police and nurses. i was in active addiction at the time and i tried to run away from the local hospital to avoid being sectioned because i was in withdrawal and wanted to get heroin so i could stop withdrawing. and i didnt want to be sent somewhere where i couldn't use drugs. i called a lawyer when i was at a mental hospital because patients were being abused there. including me. and i had a court hearing while i was still a patient at the mental hospital. of course the judge favored the words of a doctor over a mental patient. i was foolish for ever believing they would help me. instead of receiving help i had my rights revoked.

at that hospital we were given time to go outside and get fresh air in the yard behind the hospital. we were allowed to go outside as long as we were being supervised by hospital staff. but the staff there didnt always pay attention to us when we were outside. thats how i ended up sneaking cigarettes in the hospital. id have my friend bring them to me by passing them through the fence lol and thats how i got the idea to just climb the fence. after i climbed the fence i actually ran into an old lady who lived down the street and she was so nice she let me hide at her house for a few days. because when u run away from a mental hospital they put a warrant out for your arrest so they can bring u back. she was one of the nicest ppl id ever met.

i was right to try to seek legal help against that hospital. after i left i discovered that same hospital had been under investigation multiple times because 3 ppl had already died under suspicious circumstances while in their care. all three of these ppl had blunt forced trauma to the head. which is very consistent with some of the abuse i witnessed myself while there. i never got hit in the head but i had other horrific things happen to me. so i ran.

this anon is another great example of how ppl try to judge me without even knowing me or knowing the actual facts about me and my life. hence why i am leaving this account to use a smaller blog to escape ppl like you.

i love alice: madness returns because i relate to alice a lot. i dont need to try to be like her because i already am. ive experienced many of the same things that the character alice went through in the game and the first game. thats what drew me to play it in the first place. and i had the experience at that hospital before i had ever even heard of alice madness returns. i had played american mcgee's alice as a little kid, but i never finished the game and i didnt remember a lot of it. i didnt play the 2nd game until long after i left that hospital.

its one of my favorite games ever. its very special to me because its comforting and i enjoy playing as a character i have a lot in common with. and i love how she is able to overcome the abuse around her. games like that are very therapeutic to someone like me. because ive lived it.

now stop judging strangers over the internet. most of the things that are said about me are so far from the truth. you shouldnt judge ppl you've never met. and you definitely shouldnt judge experiences you havent gone through. you have no idea what i have experienced or how i feel. no i never received shock therapy. but i have gone through the terror and trauma of almost being forced to undergo it. the ppl i saw coming back from ECT scared me enough to run away. some of these ppl couldnt even remember their own children. some of them didnt even remember they HAD children. and i would never in a million years allow someone to take my memories of my kids away from me. i only had 1 son at that time. and im so thankful i left before they could do irreversible damage to me. i still have trauma from my experience at that horrid place, but im lucky to be alive. some ppl who were sent there never made it out. and i still have a hard time talking about what they did to me while i was there. ive never even told the entire story of what i went through at arbour hospital or mcclean. but i feel like i owe it to all the victims who died in their care to talk about the abuse that goes on there. arbour hospital in boston is where they tried to force shock therapy on me (its called ECT now).

i went through some scary experiences at mcclean too, but arbour was definitely the worst. and i do plan on telling my story about it. ive recently started a writing blog to help me cope with my trauma and emotions instead of trying hurt myself.

u can say whatever lies and insults you want about me, but u can never judge me if u havent lived my life.

[suchagallabitch]

🫵weekly wednesday tag 🫵

omg I (simple old me?) have been bestowed upon the honour of coming up with these questions??? i would like to thank the academy for this most sacred honour 😋

1. if you could switch bodies with anybody for only one hour who would it be and what would you do? I think I gotta say taylor swift OBVI. first off im gonna dropping ME! acoustic version. Then I’m gonna hope lover deluxe is already recorded, drop that. If not i will make sure to text Jack and tell him that we need to record it so that i get it either way 😼. Then I would find out the definite truth of what happened between her and Karlie Kloss. I’d wire myself (as in me- me) a few million dollars, pet the cats and then post something really random on her instagram story. Literally want to make the public go absolutely bananas trying to figure out why taylor posted a random twitter meme. I have a lot of faith to believe this could all happen in an hour but I would try. SO hard.

2. whats your most trivial / dumbest hot take?I don’t think we should still be discovering animals. like what do you mean in the year of our lord 2023 we are STILL finding animals?? no they should all be discovered and if they havent been then i think they should stay undiscovered.

3. if you had to teach a college course what would it be in? I feel like we’re all expecting me to say something Taylor related but honestly I could teach a masterclass on the psychology of Ryan Murphy. I hate that man and i have so much to say about him and his productions

4. season 12 of shameless is suddenly happen and youve been put in charge! what plot point(s) are you gonna make happen? I cant think of anything substantial to actually contribute but i want Carl Gallagher to have a fruity little vape. I also want to see him quit the force and flourish in a new job!

5. who would be your godly parent? (can be any mythology). I’m gonna go with greeks as a Percy Jackson stan. I asked my bsf who is an expert in greek mythology. She said: “you’re a Aphrodite child cuz you’re a hopeless romantic and you appreciate beauty. You’re very particular in how you’re viewed and how everything you produce is viewed (what you write, how your feed looks like, etc.)” - I’m gonna have to agree with her on Aphrodite

6. what’s something you love about yourself? I think i’m so very very funny

7. describe your day in 5 emojis: 😴👁️👩‍💻✈️☕️

8. what shameless character do you think you could beat in a fight? Realistically i think the ONLY person i could beat in a fight is Liam and honest to god im not even sure i could.

9. tell us 2 truths and a lie, we’ll try to guess the lie!

- I’m double jointed

- I sleep on the left side of the bed

- I’ve never had pumpkin pie

10. do you have a pet(s). if so how did they get their name? I do! my son (cat) is named Chidi after the good place!

11. show us a meme (or picture) that captures your essence

self explanatory.

12. whats your typical coffee / tea / beverage order? see i gotta have a special lil drinky drink everyday and i mean my little drinky drinks are free so i am likw 80% gingerbread chai at any given time. Alternatively, an iced chestnut praline latte w/ praline cold foam.

13. use a song to describe the last 5 years of your life?

2019- its nice to have a friend- taylor swift

2020- ribs - lorde

2021- nothing new - taylor swift

2022- first love / late spring- mitski OR orlando- leith ross

2023- true blue - boygenuis OR now that we don’t talk - taylor swift.

Thank you friends thats all i got :)

I Tag: @deedala @darlingian @michellemisfit @mybrainismelted @too-schoolforcool @gallawitchxx @gardenerian @sam-loves-seb @thisdivorce @xninetiestrendx @scarcrosseduntouched @juliakayyy @y0itsbri @grumble-fish @grumpymickmilk @transmickey @surviving-maybe @metalheadmickey @heymrspatel @auds-and-evens @deathclassic @flamingbluepanda @crossmydna @sleepyfacetoughguy @vintagelacerosette @depressedstressedlemonzest @thepupperino @squidyyy23 @energievie 🫶🫶