#thats why the ending is wonky

[medicalunprofessional]

flood

~♫

[aroaceart]

@heropartnerweek Day 6: Farewell/Return

"I have to live... I have to get home... and tell everyone... because it's Nerita's... Nerita's... final wish..."

The moment right after the farewell always hurts. But somehow I've never drawn it. Until now!

[arinmoss]

painting practice

[gold-rhine]

Can I ask for your thoughts on Collei? Character wise, your analysis is always fun

disclaimer i didnt read the webcomic, i'm a dragon age survivor and i firmly believe that if you want something to be canon in GAME, it needs to be present IN GAME, and not in one of the adjacent ten books or comics.

that said, i understand that the main issue ppl have is collei having dark backstory and being closed off and aggressive in the comic, and then in sumereu aq she's sweet and awkward bumbling teen. which is like, if you want kinda rude and abrasive survivor girl representation, kinda sucks. which i agree with. but also, i don't think that survivor of violence and abuse ending up as sweet, but awkward teen due to being cared and loved by others, is bad. i think its good. and she's not like "cured" to normalcy, she still clearly struggles, they had the sweetest storyline in that one event with sucrose about that, and also the incident in archon quest where she's triggered by paimon yelling. the problem is thats there wasn't coherent journey shown to the player.

what i think would be good. and bear with me here. if aranara quests were structured around collei and not a random npc. like listen, collei already fits the premise of "we need to organize the aranara magic fest to cure abyss corruption of one girl", bc she has the dead gods corruption injected by dottorre, right. and this is different from eleazar, bc eleazar is from ley line corruption, she's probably more susceptible to the second type BC she has the first type, and its the root issue that needs to be addressed.

it'd be good for aranara quests bc right now their narrative is kinda wonky. like the lore is very interesting and the aranara are cuties, but plot is like. just going to random places and doing lore things that aranara told us to do. which is why it seems too long for most players - it just doesn't have any dynamic, any ebbs and flows that good plotline should have to keep player's attention, it doesnt have a NARRATIVE DEVELOPMENT. we don't have any character progression we can track and be worried about. we have our aranara buddy and he's great, but he doesn't have any conflicts, he's just ":D" all the time. it feels static right until the finale, where action suddenly peaks.

now collei has canonical inbuilt conflict that correlates beautifully with aranara. she's a teen whose childhood was stolen from her, who was always focused on survival, who struggles to trust people, but also to trust the world in general, to find joy and wonder in it instead of constant dangers. its all described in her stories, it just not dramatized in game. if we add her as companion in aranara quest, we immediately get the development progression i was talking about.

she doesn't see aranara at first at all, even if we are surrounded by them. she thinks its a bit cringe that traveler is talking to imaginary friends, but she's respectful, bc traveler is trying to help her. but as they go thru the quests and she meets new people who tell their stories and sees miracles like dead trees blooming right in front of her eyes, she starts to open up. she starts to go along willingly and sees aranara for the first time - briefly, its gone soon, but she remembers and CHOOSES to believe, chooses to trust, and then she sees them more and more often, until at the festival during the grand song the entire village, hidden magical world finally opens up to her.

[pablitosgf]

always ! — cl16

pairings ! — charles leclerc x fem!ex!reader

warnings ! — heart break, mentions of cheating, and thats it (i think).

info ! — in which you learn the reason why y/n hates the word, "always."

authors note ! — inspired from always - daniel caesar, if you can see there are some connections to the lyrics and the events with y/n… <3

format ! — writing

Always. A word you despised, a word you hated with all your heart. It made your heart go cold and your whole body go numb. No matter the use of the word it brought you back to memories you tried to stored deep within your brain. In a chest, in fact, you tried to keep it locked but somehow it let it's way out with the word “always” and you hated how such a word could have a huge effect on you. A word so simple, yet so heartbreaking for someone like you.

Always used to be a word you loved though. A word that made your heart melt instead of break into tiny fragments like it did now. Such a word had a huge effect on you, not a bad one, but a good one back then. The promises from him included always every single time. To which you would interlock your pinky with his and repeat the word again. Thinking of it now made you break and turn into a crying fit. It was embarrassing, to say the least. Everything reminded you of him, but that word especially did.

To put it into simple terms you hated that word because he made broken promises. People constantly say, “Promises are meant to be broken.” but you disagreed with that. You hated broken promises. Even he knew, yet he decided to break those promises. He’d say things like:

“We’ll always be each other’s forever.”

“You’ll always be mine, even until the end of time.”

“Always.”

“We’re like peanut butter and jelly, we always go together.”

Thinking about those caused a stinging effect on your poor broken heart. But you could never hate him, you’ve loved him for years. The sight of him makes your heart leap but also break into a million more pieces. You could never forget the night it all happened, the night when “always” became the word you hated, the night when all the promises he made for years were broken, the night when he wasn't your always and forever anymore.

“Hi mon amour,” you said shakily as if you were about to cry any second. You knew what was about to happen, but tried your best to remain as positive as you could, so you swallowed up those tears and put on a wonky, lopsided smile. You always thought negatively of everything and he knew that. So, when you received the text of him wanting to talk to you after you got off work you assumed the worst. “You asked if we could talk?”

He looked down at the ground, not bothering to meet your eyes that were filled with love, nervousness, and scariness. Your heart was beating out of your chest. The uneasy smile on your face faltered as he still refused to make eye contact. What went wrong? That was the only question left in your head.

After a few minutes of deafening silence looming over the two of you, he finally said the words you knew he was going to say.

“I want to breakup.”

You answered by giving him a nod as tears threatened to leave your eyes, your vision had gotten blurry due to the amount of tears building up over the past few minutes. You couldn't even fight back and be stubborn to have him stay. Future you wished you had, because six months later you hadn't been over him. A decade's worth of your life thrown into the trash. You sat there as he left the shared apartment you had with him in Monaco. All you wanted to do was cry till you couldn't.

You had no why. He didn't give any closure to you, even after six months. Every day since that day you rotted in your bed crying until you were tired and couldn't anymore. This was the first heartbreak you’ve ever experienced, and you hoped this would never happen. Because at that time you thought he was your forever and always and you were his. Even after six months, you thought there was still a possibility, you still had hope he’d return to you because you would with open arms.

In the closet, you both used to share you still kept his part empty, so whenever he came back he could fill it back up with his clothes which you’d steal every day. And in the bathrooms where you still had the brush holder near the second sink, but with no toothbrush. You’d always stare through the mirror where he would be, happily brushing his teeth with a smile on his face waiting to kiss you because you didn't want to kiss him with morning breath. You kept the left side of the bed empty for him because it was the side closest to the door and he wanted to protect you in case there was any intruder. Even after six months, half a year, you still kept it that way. He moved on while you didn't.

And you remembered that day vividly.

You finally had the will to go out and have brunch, it was a one-on-one with Lily. She was one of your best friends and you’d say she’s the WAG you were the closest with. Lily and you instantly clicked when you first met. She would do anything for you and you knew it with all your heart. And you would do anything for her.

So when she whizzed her head around, looking back at you with wide eyes she quickly tried to hide you were confused. Her eyes were filled with panic and distress, you wanted to find out why. You looked behind her to find out but she kept blocking your view, and to be honest, she looked ridiculous, to say the least.

“Stop moving your head, I want to see.”

“Y/n, trust me you don't want to.”

“Lily, I don't care.”

And you wished you didn't. You saw him there with a girl, she looked very familiar to you. Then it clicked, she was the girl he told you not to worry about, and right there you were questioning his fidelity. Question if you had been cheated on all this time. And if so for how long? Just when you thought you were doing well it all fell down, all your hard work, and your progress went back to 0%. A look of pity washed through Lily’s face and you hated it. She was trying to protect you, and you hated how stubborn you were. You wished you listened. Tears welled in your eyes just like that day, you mumbled, “I wanna go home.”

Lily nodded as she went to pay for the barely eaten food then the two of you left the restaurant. You wondered if he saw you, probably not though. He seemed to be focused on his new girl. All your friends expected you to hate him after this, but you couldn't. You dated that man for twelve years and loved him since you were little.

Even after that you still kept the right side of the bed instead of the left, left the abandoned toothbrush holder, and left the his side of the closet empty. You couldn't move on to another chapter of your life. But you had to. Though, deep in your heart you still had a spot filled with love for him. Forever and…

yourusername

liked by lilymhe and 673,924 others

yourusername you said always, what happened?

view all 328 comments

lilymhe i love you so much strong girl 🩷

⤷ love u more 💕

heidiberger_ i'll be here for you forever 🫶🏼

⤷ heidi 🥹

user1 we all know who quotes are about… 😕

user2 and the caption!! 🥹🥹🥹

[matmiraculous]

Support Group Drabble #1

"This whole Support Group gets bigger every day doesn't it?" Eldest muttered, half to himself as he looked around the room. They could... probably leave at any time. Eldest hadn't really tried since the first day when he realized time was kinda... wonky here. He didn't really have to worry all that much about back home and he got to talk to other versions of himself that had gone through awful things, sometimes worse things than himself. 

It was a weird experience, but kinda cathartic.

"Seems fucking like it," Grey mumbled, crossing his arms. 

"Come on man stop being such a downer." Eldest chuckled softly, nudging the first member of the group with his elbow. 

Grey shifted away and shot a glare that wasn't really heated at Eldest. "Don't do that. It's too early for that. And I'm tired. So so tired," he said.

"You're always tired man." Which... fair honestly. Eldest was often tired too what with all the stress of back home and his natural tendency to big brother people. That often ended with him TRYING to help all the other JD's here and often getting himself into some shit. Like the time Feral stole his arm. 

He subconsciously rolled his shoulder and checked to make sure his prosthetic was secure. Good, still there.

Grey huffed and crossed his arms. "I'm allowed to be. I'm an old man."

"Aren't we roughly the same age? Late 30's early 40's?" Eldest asked, looking Grey up and down.

The shorter JD shrugged and sighed, slumping forward. "Yeah yeah, I'm still an old man. I've been through some shit, Eldest. And I'm tired," Grey mumbled. 

"Thats... fair." He shrugged, his eyes following Feral and Snake Dory as the two tussled like rabid cats. Such was the ever strange normal of this support group. He could probably try and stop it but Snake was still new and Eldest didn't much wanna get back on Feral's "bad" side.

Grey huffed a little but was quiet again.

"We've both been through a lot of shit. I'll give you that." Eldest murmured softly, more to himself.

"Yeah." Grey muttered gruffly. "I know all of us have been through some shit though," he continued, looking around the room at the various JDs, who were all busy talking. 

"Sounds awfully sappy and sentimental of you. You gone soft and started caring about us?" Eldest grinned slyly.

"Don't push your luck," Grey grumbled, though the slight twitch upwards of his mouth betrayed him. 

Eldest laughed softly and shook his head. He wasn't surprised, they'd known each other for a while now. Long enough to call one another friends. "Wouldn't dream of it. Wouldn't wanna end up in the dog house, I'd never hear the end of it."

"I'll kick your ass." Grey warned, but there was no heat to it.

"That's a lie and you know it."

"It isn't."

"Oh yeah? Why don't you come over here and kick my ass then?"

Grey huffed and looked away from Eldest. "Don't tempt me. I just might."

Eldest rolled his eyes. "Sure ya will buddy. Just remember not to go overboard. Wouldn't wanna throw out your back old man."

"You're not funny," Grey muttered, but there was amusement in his eyes.

Eldest couldn't help but snicker and pat Grey on the back.

Grey swatted his hand away. "Watch it, I'll bite."

"Okay Feral." He rolled his eyes and went back to looking around. "Uh... Is Brotherhood talking to Unsual and his Creek over there?"

"Fuck-"

Bunker Bro's my beloved. The Besties ever. ... If it isn't clear, Bunker Bros is Eldest and Grey's bestie team name lol. Mentioned AU's: Eldest and Youngest - Me < 3 Unusual Brother - Me and @ijjstlostthegame Grey - @ijjstlostthegame Feral - @draco-after-dark Snake - @gingisauce (WIP) Brotherhood - @tea0w0stache and @0ketlyn-s

[doctorsiren]

OMG I LOVE LOVE LOVE THE SPLIT MILES AU HEWFUHJJF. HI ITS ME, THE ONE WHO ASKED ABT IT LOL, just woke up and I had to make a doodle of it ASAP!!

ALSO, it has me wondering how he ended up splitting in the first place since Phoenix got split due to his disbarment so,, what event was it for Miles? SORRY FOR ASKING SM, IM JUST SO INTRIGUED BY THESE AUS

(HERES THE DOODLE BTW, it’s rushed + it was on notes so it’s kinda wonky SRRY)

CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE I LOVE IT EEE

Okay okay okay so

The Split Miles AU is a separate universe from the one where the Split Phoenix AU takes place in (however I am adoring the crossover possibilities)

So his event is Turnabout Goodbyes and Phoenix uprooting everything that had been drilled into his brain by von Karma. So after Rise from the Ashes, when he leaves The Note, thats him running away and hiding as he split into two people because the side of him that felt he needed to embrace von Karma’s teachings still was in conflict with the side of him that wanted to fulfill that sense of justice instilled in him by both his father and by Phoenix

And so over that year, he sort of came to terms with these two sides of himself, and by the time he returns in AA2, he’s whole again, although it’s kind of an unstable situation, and so that’s why he keeps running away and staying away for periods of time. Phoenix doesn’t know there’s two of them, and only Edgeworth’s sort of “team” knows

Eventually (not sure when yet), Phoenix either finds out, or he is told about the two prosecutors

[smilepilled]

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hi. important / significant post for this blog today, very wordy but also very heartfelt. mainly targeted for the 400 milestone + things ive been wanting to say. hopefully the wording isn't too wonky? ❤️‍🩹

thanks if you stop by. might edit this later to make it "less fancy", if it ends up bothering me — dividers and decoration are mainly for organizing it and making it feel like the blog's thing. either way...

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hi, smilepilled/"bug" here (please just call me marcyie); this post will be about things id like to communicate directly to whoever sees it, and something regarding the blog (especially considering the 400 follower milestone). its mainly due to: (1) not wanting people to see me as some cool huge figure and instead just see me as a silly user having fun in my zone, AKA wanting to me treated like just any other random blog; and (2) communicating about intentions regarding people & situations.

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to start off: im not particularly joyous or happy with having ~400 followers or otherwise being "popular"/"known", because im straight up just some old (soon-to-be-legal) teenager who looks at pretty stuff on tumblr autistically. hence why im not planning on commemorating — however, please do know youre all very dear to me! i am very thankful for all the people i've met here ♡ i am a moot-focused account, i follow anyone that follows me, and you're all very much oomphed up in case you followed me.

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i would prefer to avoid any parasocial images from my person, or anything similar like that, so please just keep in mind: im just some random person online! im friendly and all, but please know im not and i dont want to be some "cool tumblr user", im a stranger online that is friendly but most people dont know much about; im just marcyie, the friendly tumblr neighborhood bugthing, treat me as such. i am keen on having understanding and nice interactions with people, but i am not some influencer or whatever. ^_^;

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ADDITIONALLY, a reminder that i personally will always be glad to solve any troubles thru personal "1-on-1" conversation over fights. if u gotta, send me a message and i'll get to it with u! seroously. even if ur fresh from some tense situation with me involved. if u demonstrate willingness to make peace im gonna be just as hearty. i heavily dislike being seen as some unstoppable force or hazard or whatever else — or worse, an opp. :'D i actively go out of my way to NOT be an opp to people, and even if i make mistakes, the intention is very much there, severely so. i really think often about making amends with people who i've had problems with, but since i am unaware of how to do that in a "socially acceptable way", i end up not doing it out of fear of making anything worse. its quite annoying for me, paradoxical as well.

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while i do have very complicated feelings towards a few people who've been in a headache of a situation (indefinite times, and indefinite amounts of people) with me being involved, id like to affirm that the greatest one is that of wanting to just make peace with whatever and whoever i've affected. im aware i say a lot of dumb things in the dumbest ways, and usually its interpreted in the worst possible way — something im painfully aware of, because i am not a english speaker mainly and i have deep problems with communicating what i feel/think with words. i mess up, i jumble up wording, and thats ultimately okay — if i make mistakes, its usually trying to do something good (or something bad towards someone bad, like a racist person, or something similar. which isnt great either!). im glad to be asked apologies of whenever, because most of the time i just end up not realizing that what i say was innapropriate or hurtful, hence creating a lot of the conflicts existing between me & others.

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i can apologize roght now, naturally in a shallower "blanket" way, for things ive said. because i am sorry: and i hope i can be forgiven, but most of all i really just want people to realize that my mistakes are learning experiences, and not things im proud of. im working on a lot, and while im aware some people will just not have the wellbeing or otherwise patience to deal with my erratic behavior, i do ask to be humanized as i often do with others in my head — i am constantly defending people in my head, and while i shouldnt do that for some, i still am hellbent on trying to be humane to others.

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either way, that's all. having 400 followers was very sudden, and as much as i'm thankful, i humbly ask to be treated normally — please do not view me as some cool tumblr blog, big wowzer, a fan-having awesomest, and moreso a seventeen year old autism unit in their corner of the internet where they hype stuff (and people) up. genuinely just a silly blog for me, im not focused on follower counts or influencing or anything — very much the contrary, this is my corner of the internet, for me, not for others. and im glad to meet a lot of people, but i really wont hesitate to archive this and start a new blog entirely for my sake (and others').

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have a lovely day. please remember to eat and drink water, and take breaks! my activity has grown a little lower, and i plan to continue focusing mainly on my real life situations over online stuff. please have a moment to be kind to yourselves, and remember to keep love in your hearts! 💜🩷🤍💛🧡❤️

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TL;DR — please dont "be my fan", be my moot. treat me as some random friendly teenager acquaintance, and not a figure online. also, please remember i make mistakes while aiming to be good & do good; i like people and circles with them, and communicating in general isnt my forté, but i still try my best to be nice and do things properly. i'm more than glad to solve anything with people that needs solving, but since i can often make things worse by caring too much or trying too hard, i'll just leave this note here. thank you for four hundred moots, but please, keep me as a moot and not as a "woawza tumblr user", Please. ❤️‍🩹

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[dufferpuffer]

Do you see Remus as an artistic person? Or at least someone who appreciates the arts? If so what would be his favorite medium to express himself (even if poorly)?

I think...not so much artistic. He does his best work following orders. He is able to forge his own path through those orders, he isn't crippled by lack of direction, but he isn't out here having many of his own ideas.

I think the place this frustrates him most is in that he isn't the 'Professor' type he wants to be, like Dumbledore, or Snape. The type that can spend all their days researching to experiment with answers to questions that have never been asked.

He is more like Hermione: Seeks knowledge but rarely pushes the envelope. He masters things so he can rely on his skills, not to invent. He wouldn't really know where to start.

I do think he creates, but once again it's practical. A poor family and a muggle mother - while he had to stay away from other kids... I'm sure he learned how to sew, to patch clothes - perhaps even knit. He can follow a pattern, he has respect for the creature that is the 'sewing machine' - but he isn't making fashion.

I think he probably drew as a child, as everyone did. I know some people HC that he drew the art for the map, and that's cute... but once again: practical. Simple. Clear. Serves a purpose. If he does draw or paint, I like to think its going to a street corner on a sunny day and sketching a building. That sort of thing.

Musically... no. I do think he enjoys music, thats a HC of mine But a mix of his poor little finger bones being busted all the time... No time between studying, full moons, being with his friends... Being hard to upkeep and carry an instrument when he is traveling... I think he would like the idea to play an instrument. Maybe he has even sat down with a guitar a few times, or attended a lesson or two... but he lacks the confidence, the patience, the funds... He gives up fast.

I don't personally think Remus is particularly artistic. But he does have an eye for it. He would appreciate an art gallery, or just the craftsmanship on a nicely knitted jumper.

I think his favourite thing would be textiles. The meditation of knitting or sewing, the practicality, the easy goal of "follow this pattern and end up with a sweater"... Oh shit he might even like cross stitch or embroidery Like shitty embroidery where it went wonky

EDIT: I FORGOT ABOUT WRITING I can see him wanting to be a novelist. He understands real people well – so why not fake people? But I also think he isn't the sort to spend time imagining things, so his writing is a little... by the numbers. Flat. Lacks a creative edge. And thats if he can even get a plot going at all.

He makes characters and then doesn't know what to do with them. Thinks of an idea for scene, but no plot to put it in. He's bounced around the idea of writing an autobiography – based on Hairy Snout, Human Heart that came out when he was in school. (maybe he even wrote that while he was at school... ;) probably not it would absolutely give him away, and he was like 15 the book would be paper thin.)

[thebibliosphere]

Hey! I saw on your posts that you have MCAS. I might as well, so I was curious about your symptoms and how you got diagnosed. I've got intestinal reactions to a suite of food that have been escalating in recent months. But my skin test came back negative for all of them and for the pollen they might be caused by (birch). I'm getting some blood tests in January and an EpiPen. But I'd love to chat about your symptoms and diagnosis journey. ❤️

Hello friend. Sorry to hear you might be suffering as well. If you want to peruse my #mcas tag, there's a lot already in there.

I also test negative for a lot of food allergies, both on the skin test and the blood test, but thats because MCAS allergies are not always the result of true IgE-mediated allergies, but our mast cells being wonky and triggering other mechanisms within the cell that lead to mast cell degranulation which manifests as allergic reactions and sometimes full-blown anaphylaxis.

The reaction can take several hours to days to appear, which is why we can eat something fine one day, but if we eat it again the following day, we react. (leftovers are the worst offenders because it allows time for histamine to build up in the food. If you want to keep leftovers, freeze them and reheat the next day.)

It's also why some of us experience slow-acting anaphylactoid reactions as opposed to the rapid onset anaphylaxis most people are familiar with.) Other true IgE allergies, like birch, can cause cross-reactions, the most common of which is oral allergy syndrome, which is possible to have alongside MCAS or by itself.

Aren’t bodies ‘fun’?

If you suspect MCAS, something you maybe find helpful is doing a low-histamine diet to weed out the worst trigger food offenders from your diet.

The SIGHI histamine food list is the most comprehensive and up-to-date list for spotting any potential red flags in your diet that may be affecting histamine levels:

A dietician is advised to help you with this, as a low histamine diet is very low in nutrients and shouldn't be done long-term to avoid malnourishment. However, some of us wind up on it long-term due to the severity of our MCAS and require prescription supplements and also sometimes IV infusions. Fortunately, now that I am stable and getting better, I have been able to put more foods back into my diet, which is the hopeful end goal of treatment. (I was down to 2 safe foods in 2019 and was starving to death while my then-doctor insisted I had an eating disorder. After proper treatment with mast cell stabilizers and treating an underlying case of pernicious anemia, I’m now up to 25!!! 🎉🎉🎉)

Unfortunately, not all healthcare providers “believe” in MCAS or histamine intolerance though Covid has changed a lot of minds. (Nothing like patients going into idiopathic anaphylaxis in front of you to change your world view real fucking quick). If you encounter one of those providers, move on as soon as you can. They’re not up to date on current medical research and are doing a disservice to their patients.

Thankfully, at least here in the US, many younger doctors seem to be coming out of med school with a basic grasp that mast cells can go rogue and that MCAS is real and the lesser-known though just as severe cousin of mastocytosis.

Sadly, they’re primarily still being taught to test for it using the mastocytosis method (checking the blood for elevated tryptase levels), which is not always indicative of MCAS because, unlike patients with mastocytosis, our tryptase levels fluctuate based on flares. Theres also a 24-hour urine test you can do which is more accurate but, again that’s unreliable because it requires stringent temperature regulation (nothing like having a bucket of pee in your refrigerator for 24 hours) and if the urine isn't kept as cold as possible right up until the moment of testing, the results could give a false negative.

I test negative on every single test (except biopsy, which many doctors try to avoid) and would need to be tested during a bout of anaphylaxis, which no ER is going to pause to do. Fortunately, a lot of doctors are now diagnosing based on clinical presentation, patient history and how patients respond to initial treatment of mast cell stabilizers.

There are a couple of more heavy hitters they can try, but the most basic are a combination of your run-of-the-mill h1 and h2 type histamine blockers, commonly sold over the counter as Zyrtec and Pepcid. (obligatory: always check with your doctor before starting any new medication)

The tmsforacure website has a list of MCAS friendly doctors in the US:

(I do not recommend any of the Mayo clinics, sadly. I’ve yet to hear from a single fellow mastie who’s had a good experience with them or come away feeling like a person afterwards. It seems a lot of their testing is aimed toward mastocytosis and is rooted in some weird bias of wanting to keep MCAS seen as ‘rare’, when really it’s just rarely diagnosed.)

You can also usuay find doctors in your area by checking out local support groups on places like Facebook and Reddit. The Reddit groups are pretty good, tbh.

Oh, and it would help if you also looked into whether or not you have a Vitamin D deficiency, as vitamin D is required for mast cells to remain stable and even a mild deficiency can mess us up.

A chronic lack of Vitamin D in our society has also been linked to an increase in things like asthma and other allergic diseases. So that one is just good for everyone to be aware of.

I likely missed something in that deluge of text, but hopefully some of it was useful to you. If you want to ask more specifics or even just chat my inbox is (usually) always open. My health is not great right now, so I’m struggling with my IMs but I always try to respond to asks.

Take care! Rooting for you to get the treatment you need.

[r26yz]

Rambles incoming :D

idk, i just... I FREAKING LOVE the dazaku writers in pixiv and lofter. I am not fluent in japanese or chinese, heck im not even fluent in english, i read them using google translate (i want to thank google for dazai obama) and its wonky af but THE FEELS!? It hurt, it grabbed me in the lungs and heart. The translation is off but damn the emotions are conveyed perfectly.

And... hm.. i noticed that, how hopeful they are about dazaku relationship? Yeah, they are not good-ish, kinda, sorta abusive. But like, there's hope? You understand? By no means there are lot of writers that don't hesitate to dunk on dazai for what he did to akutagawa. But the things, there's still something.

Im thinking how to say this.

Akutagawa's hate.

Dazai's taunts.

Akutagawa's want for approval.

Dazai withholding that approval.

If dazai don't like akutagawa that much, shouldn't he just gave him that approval and be done with? I know he already acknowledge him way before. He even gush on him to odasaku. akutagawa would probably wont bother him again. But then he doubled down on him, Atsushi is better than you ;). Why taunt him with Atsushi? Atsushi is his coworker, not a student specificaly (something that a lot of writers emphasize, very neat).

Why dazai? do you need him to go crazy for you :D bahahaha loser. Is it because akutagawa the first thing you own that is actually yours? yours that you got to choose yourself? you freaking gave him a mating offer by killing his friends' murders. you idiot. you sad man. what a sad little man. do you want akutagawa to kill you someday so its still considerd suicide by your own hand/creation? you sad sad wet man? you really think that he'd hate you enought to kill you? really? you, the man who gave the akutagawa sibling a home and warm meal? really? hmm? hmm?

see, that's why... call it shallow, but i don't think akutagawa could ever really hate dazai? ish? kinda? the man did save him, even though then he got thrown to another kind of hell on earth. He gave him home, meal, and hope. The meaning of life. Hahahah indeed he's like a dog. that makes dazai that type of dog owners who made a shitty job at taking care of their puppies. the kind that was excited first and (sorta, kinda, idk) neglect/abuse them when they don't do their tricks properly.

i only know games bcs i watch rtgame's youtube, and when he played "Slay the Princess" and then proceed to search about them on tumblr, yeah. "The opposite of love is not hate, but indiference" and yeah, i believe that it also true to dazaku. because in a way, they are in this two person tango of chasing, taunting, i need you to be my eyes, you've become stronger, can you give me the meaning of life. Hate is really visible and the love is so between the lines. But they are not really indifferent to each other.

The love is there! the love is there. yeah, the love is there.

also.

i'm not sure how i came into this conclusion but, "akutagawa doesn't need dazai, but dazai need akutagwa" and yeah, maybe their bsd counterpart is reversed from their real life, but the essential part is still there? Thats my delusion is. I just wanna said that in the end.

if you manage to reach this part. Uh, thank you for reading. Sorry for the typo. I hope its understandable. suffer with meeeee!

[hinderr]

Okay, here's the thing about the finale (and s3 as a whole)

First of all I wanna say, 'good' and 'fun' dont necessarily have to come together. Something objectively 'bad' can still be fun! I know I had fun a bunch of times this season, so if you enjoyed it and you had fun, I'm happy for you, and I'm not tryna say that you're 'wrong' for it, I am genuinely happy for you

But here's the thing, I didnt have fun during the finale. It felt rushed and stupid and careless, like they just wanted it done and over with, dust their hands off

- they allowed din to escape capture IMMEDIATELY, before we got a chance to see what Gideon was going to do to him or WHY he had taken extra care to capture him. They had Grogu, instead, a child apparently break away from the group of 'Foundlings are the Future' Mandalorians to save his dad alone. What?

- Gideon sees Din and Grogu moving around in the command centre and puts his helmet on going 'I'll deal with them myself'. Gideon proceeds to NOT do anything until after they destroy his precious clones, in which he waits in the room AFTER to monologue. He's a villain, yeah, but he's not stupid like that

- there were SO many things they built up only to just immediately forgo. Din's interrogation. The Armourer (and her sickly passengers) being intercepted before reaching the fleet. And then solutions to the plot appear suddenly - R5 is there now, oh he's gone. It'd be fine if it was clever, but they werent

- bo-katan is mand'alor for like. The fifth time idek. NOTHING about her previous behaviour btw especially abt her behaviour to clones. Ive been giving her the benefit of doubt thinking she'd apologise or sumn before s3 ends but. Nothing. She's just nice now or whatever

- Gideon's death was STUPID and not at all gratifying. For a villain as complex as he was, who made din and grogu's life SO hard by hunting them down, to have him die the way he did feels weak

- Paz Vizsla. Nobody cares about Paz Vizsla apparently

- the whole thing with IG-11 and IG-12 was weird and wonky. Im glad 11 is back, but that era where Grogu was pupeteering what was essentially his corpse very much rubbed wrong

- the plant thing was stupid. 'They just need room to grow' and when people were living in domes there WASNT any?? Goddamn

- WHERE IS PERSHING??

The whole thing felt...uncared for, you know? Like they didnt care for the story they wrote, they just wanted cameo after cameo, 'ooh jack black ooh gideons wearing mando armour ooh ig-11 is a mech suit now' and then didnt even bother tying a ribbon, they just chucked the box on your doorstep. The characters felt ooc, namely Bo-Katan BUT ALSO Din Djarin himself. Thats not what Mando would do, became such a common sentiment while watching. And its so disappointing because they had all the potential!! It couldve been SO GOOD

I just. Sigh. I wish they cared, yknow?

[sishmishtarot]

💘pick a card!💘

whats next in love?

with my little versions of angel and devil from devilish hairdresser! Any of u remember this flash game??? they came out kinda wonky but cute...but honey🤐the tarot messages are kinda brutal ngl sorry if ur not gonna get quite what u expect! again readings are alleged so dont worry. also these readings can be read as platonic

pile 1

5 of wands, 5 of swords, magician, the lovers, 6 of pentacles

first thing that popped into my head was an image of a beautiful peachy pink sunset. kinda cheesy 😝 but the cards are not so... I see your next love intrest as a bright creative person who stands out among others, that unfortunately might lead to conflict, your circle or community might misunderstand them and alienate them, try to talk you out of dating them. (for some of you it might be about their look, they might have a very unique style!) its giving a bit queer! if you are than you two might be in a tense coming out situation. it doesn't matter if you are or not, if you are single for now or in a relationship - u and ur partner will feel like everyone around u are going batshit insane and ur the only ones sane left. the world might feel a bit lonely but you'll have a sturdy shoulder to lean on. something about this energy is so calm despite these chaotic 5 of wands and 5 of swords. it seems that you and ur future partner are in complete solidarity and any hardships u face you'll be there to elevate each other. but besides that this seems like a very respectful, loving bond and an interesting soul coming into ur life to stir things up! gives me a nice feeling in my heart like when u drink tea.

pile 2

9 of cups, high priestess, strength, 8 of swords, 3 of swords

daym idk what did i tap into here! i saw a river side in a gloomy forest and a golden key buried in the sand. immediately felt a pinch of anxiety. you might feel like you're not ready for a relationship. if u are in one u might feel like ending it. trust your gut stranger on the internet! your energy seems very emotionally intelligent, you self reflect a lot and find roots to your emotions, dont rush with decisions, but this time your anxiety might be controlling u a little bit! I could read this two ways, one - you are dating someone and it doesn't feel right to you anymore, but youre scared to break it apart. two - you're scared of intimacy, and feel like your trust is going to be broken thats why ur love life is kind of frozen. If ur in situation one, i advise u to have that conversation, because its going to be easier than u think, and the person will respect ur decision. knowledge is key!(hehe) let them know how u feel. if you re situation two, you should really look into why is that how you feel, try to open up to someone u really trust, learn to share, because that takes practice too. because the right person might come around unexpectedly! u might stumble upon a golden key in the gloomy forest and u cant just pass by right? this reading left my hearth aching a little bit. but whats love without pain! love is kind of like a very scary dark forest but its worth walking through bcs u might beautiful treasures there. U can let go of the treasure if its hard to carry, its gonna be ok.

[aita-blorbos]

aita for savin my girlfriend

not really sure why im askin this, and basically this whole thing is a steamin pile of bollocks. me (144m) and my girlfriend (about 164f) moved into this new town about a year ago, on account of her bein sickly from being attacked and stuff. we did the things necessary to get her better, at least physically. shes always been a bit off her rocker, but shes my girlfriend and obviously that doesnt matter to me. matter of fact its pretty sexy. anyway thats not the point. the point is that this new town is nice and all, theres loads of um the local food supply just out there for the taking, but theres also this one extremely annoyin chick (about 17f but i dont keep track of that shite) whos almost killed us a lot of times. weve survived obviously, but needless to say were both a bit less than pleased with her. this girls boyfriend (about 271m, also he used to be all buddy-buddy with me and my girl before he got good and all that) went a bit wonky recently and has started murderin people the girl loves. now ordinarily id be all for that because i hate this girl, but hes got this idea that he wants to not just kill the girl, but destroy the entire universe. he teamed up with my girlfriend (and yeah im jealous i can admit that like a man) to do it and although i wasnt all that keen on the idea i said nothin (also i was marginally incapacitated at the time and couldnt really stop them).

now, i rather prefer bein alive, or unalive, or what have you. this world is a nice little place in between all the terribleness, you know? so in the end when he was about to do the plan thingy and bring the destroyer of the world, i had to team up with the girl and her sodding friends to stop him. anyway a whole lot of things happened and i ended up knockin my girlfriend unconscious and carryin her out so she couldnt help the guy end the world. then he got stabbed by his girlfriend i guess she killed him or whatever. point is. the world didnt end and me and my girl were together again. except she was so pissed off at me for saving her bloody life that shes gone off and left me. im thinkin about goin back to that town again and gettin revenge on the 17yo girl for causin my breakup, or maybe hangin out with the girls mother. i never really had much of a family, you know. and she (the girls mother) seems all right. not that it matters and of course i dont bloody care. anyway aita for literally stoppin this guy from destroyin my girl (and also i guess the rest of the world which is far less important in my view)

[sojutrait]

hi! if you’ve already done this feel free to ignore but im so curious to know ur favorite to least fav halabi gens :-)

OOO this i hard bc i dont think there's a gen i like. despise but here we go KFKGJ

7th place - gen 3 (roman) HONESTLY its my fault KDJDKJDK i just hate how i took such a drastic shift in aesthetics in the middle of his gen so its not cohesive. which sucks bc honestly it was really fun to play with cottage living graaaa

6th place - gen 1 (hakim) nothing i dislike about it, its just i enjoy the others one much more 😭😭😭 which tbf is expected for a first gen. loved his drama with tatum tho, that was good tv

5th place - gen 7 (gus) GASPPP jk, honestly its just bc im not that far in it fkfkkfjk i already know once i get back in with the new pack its gonna eat

4th place - gen 2 (yasmin) OKAY ITS GETTING HARD NOW. only thing i even remotely dislike was when they won the lottery near the end bc it basically put the game on easy mode guh (and the mansion they moved in was absolute hell to play in why did i do that)

3rd place - gen 6 (ollie) TBH ollie/dante/willow gen is damn near interchangeable to me bc there was sm overlap with the teen pregnancy dkjdkk. but GAHH love this gen really do- mostly bc thats when i learned alot of really cool stuff i could implement like making my own poses. my only pet peeve was i feel like my sim style got a lil wonky there but its okay they went to dr miami we're back in action

2nd place - gen 4 (willow) i mean. what didn't it have. drama, intrigue, banging your professor. she's the it girl its true ! (also my fave heir house to date mmmm i did tht)

1st place - gen 5 (d*nte) YEAH YEAH YEAH to the surprise of no one, i loved that gen its chru.... mostly bc of nadine and the ollie vs ophelia drama but ig dante was there too (also again, i ate with his apartment)

[sonicattos]

ah random blurble spouting random headcanons at a random person i follow at 3 in the morning time! -Everyone says Shadow is represented by heavy metal, a lotta people seem to think that the Super Sonic songs of Frontiers would be "better suited" for him, however a lot of the songs in his own GAME are NOT heavy metal, in fact, most of them are electronic rock or full-on electronic jungle, sometimes even trance type tracks. As such, I propose that the genres that would best represent him would be either atmospheric dnb that uses lots of samples, or experimental types of electronic rock. -Sonic would be the type to listen to breakcore (like actual breakcore) to help him focus and Tails would be the type to be like "S...Sonic h...how does this- yknow what, sure, if it helps it helps" -Shadow likes nature. We already know he probably has a soft spot for animals, he loves lavenders, and part of his whole thing is thinking of the world as beautiful in some ways, as Earth itself represents both his and Maria's own personal desires, dreams, and wishes. Despite the fact that he has that edgy emo boy demeanor going on with his looks and his small actions, his overall personality really doesnt actually reflect that much, apart from some of the ways he speaks. However, that can just be chalked up to him enjoying being a bit dramatic. Overall, he's a lot less.... aggressive, than people seem to make him out to be. -To add to the "dramatic" part, I think he genuinely enjoys BEING dramatic, but in the moment he doesn't really realize he is being dramatic. Like, i dunno if this is relatable, but the being "autism funny" thing i go through, where I intentionally do try to be comedic, yet somehow at the same time i dont actually realize i am. I'm stating things I truly think, however i do know that when I say it that way it makes people laugh with me, so I'm cool with it. This is part of why the Shadow in my Paradox AU got into theatrics as an adult, because he's really fucking good at being dramatic and people think he's just a really good actor, but no, he's thinking about actual shit that's happened and channeling his inner drama from that thing into himself saying the lines lol. -Tails often tells Sonic all about how he overworks himself and shit, but he himself does the exact same thing. Whether or not it's something he picked up from Sonic, or just something that happened to be part of him thats a similar trait, is unknown. However, it DOES lead to them both badgering one another over overworking themselves until they both do the "I'll only stop if YOU stop!" thing to eachother before passing out somewhere random. Amy often has to check in on them to bring them out to a couch or something like that lol. -Tails tried to make a robot doggy to act as a "friend" to Knuckles so he could have a buddy on Angel Island whenever he's there for extended periods of time, the robo dog ended up a lil... wonky, though. Think like... a very very weird chihuahua. That's what it acts like. But Tails can't bring himself to "shut it down" because he says it's TOO much like an actual dog and he feels bad for it. They have yet to show Knuckles, so this weird yapper robot that "sleeps" most the day and kinda weirdly wobbles around the rest of the time just kinda.... lives in Tails' workshop. And sometimes bumps into them while they're doing stuff. This dog is also the only thing Eggman outright refuses to destroy when it comes to Tails' creations, even sometimes going out of his way to make sure it DOESNT get caught in the robotic-battle crossfire while fighting the team. Eggman is.... oddly sympathetic toward robotic beings, as seen in a lot of continuities of him where he doesnt just, like.... scrap and replace his "less reliable" robots despite them being, well, less reliable. It's an oddly continuous trait of his and I think it would be funny if a silly weird robo dog were to be his goddamn weakness lmao.

-This is more of a future au, but Amy ends up growing up to be a very witchy type who's genuinely knowledgeable in those types of practices. She's already got those hippie vibes to her, even moreso than the rest of the group lol, so I think it'd check out pretty well! Knuckles would bring her an especially cool rock that looks like a squid and she'd be like "Knuckles those are amethyst crystal points where did you find this it's absolutely stunning??????" And he's like "oh there's a bunch of em none of them looked that cool though". And it turns out that he's been finding cool crystals everywhere, just none of them looked enough like animals to him so he didn't think they were that important lol. But now he brings her the "weird shiny ones" because he knows she likes em so why not? -Sonic and Shadow have a chili dog eating contest and Sonic learns the true extent to the whole "Shadow cant get sick" thing -Just... overall other bizarre shit they compete over. They'd absolutely make a competition out of anything, which they need to absolutely bring back in-canon. They wouldnt always be beating the shit outta one another, but they WOULD be having multi-mile races over the dumbest possible decisions, or having a contest over who can go the longest without pissing someone off on accident lmao.

(tried to give some love to characters besides Sonic, Shadow, and Tails lol. They're all good characters honestly, I love em. Also help me name the robot doggy because i may use that in a possible AU lol)

- i agree with the first one!!! although i feel like shadow appreciates almost all types of music! he hates being perceived so he doesn’t talk about the music that doesn’t “fit his vibe”

-i can see sonic either LOVING breakcore or despising it, no in between and i won’t elaborate

-shadow loving nature is one of my favorites. and there’s no way it isn’t true since it was his and maria’s dream to visit earth. they’ve had to have read books and stuff too! that’s why he’s standing by that tree in shadow 05, it’s “his tree”

-you’re so right about shadow being dramatic. in game canon, doesn’t matter in what game, he’s calm, but when he gets excited or any intense emotion, he starts yelling and says over the top one liners. a more recent example would be in team sonic racing and how he behaves in the game while just talking to someone vs how he acts while racing. he’s so monotone and calm but when he’s competing he’s practically screaming at everyone.

-i hc tails is an intense hypocrite because at least sonic takes time for naps. tails will not sleep for days and still yells at sonic for pulling one all nighter.

-i love the robot dog hc hdjfjd; eggman is a very interesting character because while he literally abuses animals he has sympathy for his robots. perhaps because he designs them with voices and personalities and such. you’d think he’d shut off orbot and cubot by now especially since they’re ruthless to him but no, he still keeps them around. don’t forget sage like jeez he literally just made a human girl and didn’t think he’d be attached?

-i see amy becoming more witchy too!! she already has her tarot cards and her “sonic sense” i’m pretty sure she’s said that she can sense chao as well? or just peoples auras in general? i have this stupid hc that she cursed herself by accident which is why she wears rings, and also why she can turn invisible in 06.

-shadow becomes sick for the first time not clickbait

-i love the competition for no/a stupid reason so much. they kinda haven’t stopped doing that, again, in team sonic racing sonic challenged shadow to a race because he wanted to help shadow on a mission i think.