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#the drummer is romeo challenger
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eggbagelz · 2 years
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Lore for band OCs? Wall of text about band OCs? Pls?
OH WELL IF U INSIST
So basically the idea for these dudes came up bc mcr and a huge fascination w bands and music as a whole really started to take over my brain over the course of this year [also i mean everyone's thought abt forming a band at least once right? Im living vicariously thru these geeks]. Being enamoured w mcr's utter lameness and the general urge to want to front a band myself [highly unlikely that that'll ever happen but i can dream] i started futzing w the idea of a fictional band of like. Complete losers if u get what i mean [i am in no way projecting in the slightest GSKDHDJ]
Generally speaking when i come up w ocs it takes some time for me to make designs and round out personalities but w these guys it was almost fuckin instantaneous, they sorta took on a life of their own yknow?
Anyway so i dont have like much of an actual plot yet but the general idea is that magdalene [bassist + backup vocals], e.s [rhythm guitarist] and lorelei [pianist when needed] got insanely high together and joked abt forming a band [well. Mags and lorelei did. E.S has a medical condition wherein there is a complete lack of humour in their body] and Lorelei took it as a challenge and went and found them a drummer and a lead guitarist/singer [romeo and harbor respectively]. They all have like. Extremely different tastes in music [romeo's never even listened to anything out of the top 40 before] so a LOT of time is spent fucking around and doing "covers" and shit. [They do figure out p quickly tnat Harbor's got a p versatile singing voice tho]. I like to joke abt them being mediocre but honestly i think that once they like. Figure their shit out [which takes a long long long time] theyre p fucking awesome.
When i make ocs i like. Want them to be as complex and human as possible yknow? So these guys all like. Have their own shit that they have to work thru while balancing their regular lives and the band life [well. "Life."] Ask any of my homies and theyll tell u that my favorite thing outside of character design and storytelling is that i LOVE the psychology of making a complex and realistic character [u should see what i did to wolverine]. Generally like. Music to me is an emotional thing yknow? And i want to reflect that w these idiots
OH I FORGOT OISÍN. hes not a part of the band but he is a fellow musician and side character :3c. Hes a total sweetheart who ends up becoming a close friend of the band's [he also has a jupiter-sized crush on harbor but thats mostly for comedic reasons]
Really theyre just. Idk man theyre my funky little dudes who i explore music and personality thru u get me? Blorbos from my brain
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starship-squidlet · 4 years
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Twelfth Night: Chapter Eleven, Pipers Piping
Summary: Back to work after Christmas! Things are a little tense, but everyone is just ready for the show to end...
Word count: 1,722
Disclaimer: Twelfth Night Preface
Tag list: @the-cowbi @prettyinlimegreenboots @fifty-for-the-racer @aggressive-bucky-barnes-stan (ask to be added/removed!)
A/N: Second to last chapter! This story has flown by so fast... I’m going to post the preface to the next story (The Green Fields of France, which will start posting 1/14 probably) I’m working on either tonight or tomorrow, so if you’re interested in being tagged in that please let me know!!! The sequel to Twelfth Night, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, will becoming at some point towards the end of February/early March, so keep an eye out for that as well!!! (Also coming soon: Space Pirates AU, and the New Music spinoff #2 and sequel!) Feel free to reach out and chat if you’re interested in knowing more about any of those, or if you want to be tagged when they’re posted!!!
Anyways, I hope this chapter isn’t too boring! It’s a lot of exposition and internal monologue because... at this point in a show... that’s about all you feel like doing 😂
Joke of the Day: What’s black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white? A penguin rolling down a hil!!!
Previous chapter: Lords A-Leaping
Next chapter: Drummers Drumming
No-one wanted to go to work on the twenty-sixth. Since Christmas Day had been so drowsy, they’d all had a hard time sleeping that night, so dragging themselves out of bed to get ready for work had been challenging. There was no lack of envy for Will, Alden, and Alan, who didn’t have to be in until two hours later than the others, although they still got up at the same time in a show of solidarity. Jack, Crutchie, and Elaine had to drag themselves down the block to the parking lot, almost completely silent save for the odd yawn or wordless grumble that escaped as they drove to the theatre. Inside, everyone else was just as still and quiet as they were—a “Christmas hangover”, as Race put it.
Jack moved through his pre-show preparations like he was moving through soup. Everything seemed more difficult than it should be, even simple things like rolling the cart-mounted carousel horses across the wagon house or rigging the carnival games. Elaine trudged through the wagon house, dragging the z-rack full of freshly-pressed dress shirts and scowling as the first performers began to arrive and fill the wagon house with their chatter—although even they weren’t as loud as normal. Not that anyone on the crew was complaining about that.
The only group that had even close to its normal level of energy was the child and teenage performers, who burst through the door in small packs, each one its own explosion of noise and color and force. Behind one of the little groups—the one containing one Leslie Jacobs—Jack had to hide a grin at the sight of an utterly exhausted-looking Davey Jacobs. When Davey caught sight of Jack, he perked up and smiled, giving the other man a small wave, before vanishing into the stairwell. A few minutes later, he was back, and sat down next to Jack on the bench by the stage right door with a sigh.
“How was your break?” Jack laughed.
“Well, we kind of crammed everything about Hanukkah—besides the candles; we did those during Hanukkah, but didn’t have time for anything else between working and finals and everything—into the past three days, and spent a lot of time on video chat with our parents. They wanted to come home, but decided it was probably best to just wait until the show closed because a lot of the time a second round of sick goes through in the last week just because everyone’s exhausted.”
“Great,” Jack groaned.
They watched Albert and Elaine walk past and pointedly ignore each other. Both of them arched their eyebrows at the odd interaction—or, rather, lack thereof—and watched the two head their separate directions.
“That was weird,” Davey observed.
“Yeah… I’m not really sure what it’s about. They were fine earlier.” Jack looked around and waved JoJo over. “Hey, what’s up with Albert and Elaine.”
JoJo shrugged. “Who knows. We’re all exhausted. They always fight when they’re tired. It’s probably nothing.”
Before the break, Jack had thought that the final Sunday’s show had been the slowest of the run. He had been wrong. The first show back was the slowest one—literally and figuratively; not only did it feel like it was dragging on, but, upon checking the time on his phone (repeatedly) he realized that was actually taking longer than normal to get through the show.
“Does the music sound slower to you?” he asked Race and Albert at one point as they moved the stage right house into place for a scene.
“Definitely,” Race grumbled.
“Even the band is out of patience with the show,” said Albert.
The second act, despite the high-energy start with the dancing and singing elves, things seemed to get even slower. From Race’s headset, Jack could hear the stage manager complaining about the lack of energy and speed—very loudly—and had to laugh. There was nothing to be done about it, after all.
The second show wasn’t much better, although the tempo picked up a little bit. They were still a few minutes longer than their normal run time, but had halved the amount of time that the day’s first show ran over.
For the rest of the week, things slowly moved closer and closer to normal. Everyone was still quiet and a bit lackluster, but the onstage energy picked up considerably the more shows they did—and the closer to closing they got. No-one ever figured out why Elaine and Albert were mad at each other, and Jack had a sneaking suspicion even the two of them wouldn’t have been able to answer if asked, but they were back to their normal scheming selves in a few days. Jack and Race decided to thank Mike, Ike, and JoJo for that, as another snowball war had been started—although this one was a stealth version that involved sneaking up on people before, after, and between shows; during intermissions; and even during lulls in the shows themselves and snipe-shotting one’s opponent with one of the little stuffed snowballs. Elaine always had a snow-puff in one of her apron pockets, and Albert kept at least one in the cargo pockets of his pants at all times. Jack guessed that Mike, Ike, JoJo, and Romeo—who was drawn into the war a little later—kept them on their persons most of the time as well. He never quite got used to the sight of fist-sized balls of fluff flying past his face in the middle of carrying props across the wagon house, usually followed by a startled yelp.
To everyone’s surprise, Elaine was the best participant in the war, and, when they were scolded by Weisel and called the competition off, she was declared MVP. Despite self-professed bad aim and poor depth perception—which the others could confirm, as other accuracy-based games that were played amongst the crew had illustrated her poor performance in these categories over the past months—she was scarily accurate with the light snow-puffs. It became common for her opponents to be in the middle of a conversation only to have a small ball of fiberfill and faux fur hit them in the back or head and to see a giggling, grinning Elaine dart around a corner or into a stairwell on the far side of the wagon house.
As they counted down to their final show, it was almost like everyone’s breath was held at the same time. The shows started to get faster now, and the protests by the stage manager over headset became pleas to slow down rather than speed up. Even the dancers commented on the increase in tempo, coming off from the tap number and elf sections breathless, sweaty, and laughing. A new energy seemed to be building up amongst both cast and crew, and Jack felt himself getting caught up in it without even noticing, the sort of energy that came with a storm on the horizon, with a wave about to crest in the ocean—with any sort of impending change.
Yet, with that nervous energy came an odd undercurrent of sorrow. As awful as so many of the parts of the show and its run had felt, as draining as the experience had been, as much as Jack wanted to be able to take a few days and just sleep—even though he knew that half of January was packed full of concerts and tours so he wouldn’t be able to do so for long—he was sad to see the show ending. Les Mis hadn’t felt like this, at least not that he could remember. He had felt ambivalent to tear that set apart after the final show, and happy to run his track for the final time. He wasn’t sure if it was because he had spent more time and energy working on the Christmas build, or just because he had grown so much more attached to the people he worked (and lived) with during this run, but he was truly sorry to see it go.
December 29th, 2019 was the second-to-last night of shows. Most of the performers spent more time than usual in the dressing rooms after the show, collecting personal belongings to take home with them. Many of them would be leaving the city or even state the next day, after the final show, heading for jobs at other theatres, as most of them weren’t permanent residents—the exceptions being two of the male singers, along with Alan, Alden, Will, and the show captain—of Santa Fe. One of the kid casts had had their final show the day before and had said tearful goodbyes to the adult cast members, each other, and even some of the crew. Some of them had returned tonight to see some of their friends on the other cast, and another round of tears went through the wagon house. Tonight’s kids cast had laid out their show t-shirts on the wagon house carpet and asked everyone to sign them. To his surprise, even Jack had been asked to sign several, and had reluctantly given in and done so.
Another reason that the ending of the show was particularly bittersweet, for Jack and his roommates, was that Will had told them, a few weeks earlier, that he would be moving back home to London in January, after accepting a job there. Despite jokes about having more space in the apartment and one less person to share the bathroom with, everyone was sad to see him leave, even Jack and Crutchie, despite only having known him for a few months. As the penultimate show drew to a close, Jack couldn’t help but notice Alan, Alden, and Elaine’s misty eyes as they prepared to say goodbye to their long-time friend and partner. He swallowed a lump in his own throat. It would certainly be strange to not hear Will’s accent somehow always discernible through the chatter of the entire cast, or run into him heading for the bathroom in the middle of the night at home. He’d be around for another week before leaving—it wasn’t like he was flying out after the last show, like most of the others, but quite suddenly it felt very much like he was going to be gone before they knew it. Maybe, Jack thought, that the show they had almost felt would go on forever was finally coming to an end…
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zwiezraczek · 5 years
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hello love! can I ask for 17, 3 she/her with Ben? :D
Hey There Y/N... [Blurb]
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17. “You remembered? I love you so much!” 3. “Excuse-me but... Why are you blushing?”
Requests are open!
Note: Hey lovely! 💕 I hope you'll like it!!! 💕
 ~~~
“Hey there Y/N,
I do hope that you remember me. But in case you don't, I'm Ben, the awkward guy that asked you for your phone number and address – like a creep, I'm still getting teased by my friend for that, and I happen to also be the one who asked you “ Excuse-me but... Why are you blushing” as my friend just burst into laughter: I hope I didn't make you feel uncomfortable by doing so! And I must apologise for my friend, he wasn't in his best shape on that day I suppose... Or he just likes to laugh. I just hope I didn't make things even more awkward than they already are.
In any case, I'm sorry for not texting or calling you even if I have your phone number. I first wanted to send you this letter – because I'm old-fashioned I guess, and mostly because I find this much more personal than just sending you a message with a heart emoji. The bad part is that it usually takes time to write a letter – my friend isn't counting the papers I threw into trash anymore, but I guess there are still plenty – and to send it and for it to arrive to you. So I hope I didn't scare you nor made you sad for not texting you. Please, if you want to call me do so, but I would love to have a letter from you.
So, after all my rambling, let me introduce myself properly. I'm Ben, as you already know, and I was born and bred in Bournemouth – which makes already too many b's in this sentence. I used to play rugby when I was a child, but due to an injury I sadly had to stop pursuing my sportsman career – which made me very sad – and find another goal in my life. Which quickly became theatre. I fell in love with Shakespeare's Midsummer Night's Dream when I first saw it on stage and dreamt about playing Puck – sadly, I never had the occasion to play Puck, but I played Romeo once, great challenge! I have a dog, Frankie, she is my little everything. She's practically my daughter, I miss her very much when I'm not home and she seems to miss me even more than I do because when I come back home from work she is the first one to greet me which is absolutely adorable. Well, she tries to be the first, because sometimes someone is quicker than her.
I love watching Disney movies, and actually The Lion King is my favorite – I think you can guess why, I'm a Shakespearian person, what can I do? - and I tend to cry every time Mufasa dies. It is a very emotional scene for me. I hope that one day we will be able to watch a Disney movie together, with Frankie – because I'm sure she likes you. I also happen to be professional actor, nothing big, believe me, I played Roger Taylor – the drummer of a rock 'n roll band – once, nothing worth being mentioned for too long I suppose.
I would love to know more about you, y/n. I would like to know what do you like to eat for breakfast for example, or what music you like to listen to, what are your dreams, how do you see your future? I would love to know everything and anything about you, because I'm sure you are a beautiful human being – and you must be if Frankie loves you this much!
Waiting for your answer, do not stress yourself, I can wait because, as you know, I'm stuck here for a few months.
Love you,
Ben”
You couldn't help but smile as you finished the letter. He remembered, he absolutely did. He remembered that you always wanted a letter, just like in the good old days intended to woo and flirt. He promised he would send you a letter. And he honored his promise. And as much as you didn't want to call him – after all, where he was it was already night – you had to call him. You caught your phone between your fingers before clicking on his picture to call him.
“Hello?” He had a raspy voice, you probably woke him up.
“I'm sorry love,” you whispered, “I'm sorry I'm waking you up but I just couldn't wait!”
“What's happening,” you could hear him shift in his matters, probably sitting up on the bed of his hotel room.
“You remembered, I love you so much,” you whispered into the device, you could feel joy filling your heart even more as you heard his little laugh.
“I was a huge mess while writing this, Joe witnessed all of this and made of me for being a 'hopeless romantic and not being able to write a goddamn letter'.”
“Does sound like Joe,” you commented smiling. “Thank you for writing me a letter, you know how much I always wanted to receive a letter from my boyfriend...”
“It's the least I can do for you, y/n,” he said. You heard him yawn.
“Not disturbing you more Ben, you must be tired being a huge star for all day long,” you teased him. “Frankie and I send you a lot of kisses and wish you a good night.”
“I love you both,” he replied.
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14 Bisexual Books Everyone Should Read This Pride Month
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It is a lie universally acknowledged that bisexuals are either extremely promiscuous or just confused. We do not adhere to such slanderous assumptions but simply do the work to ensure that this negative stereotype is knocked firmly on the head. The term ‘bisexual’ typically means a sexual attraction to two or more genders and that’s pretty much the size of it. As far as we know, bisexuals don’t particularly show any increased levels of horniness, infidelity or confusion than any other sexuality. So now that that’s cleared up, let’s get to the books. -Love, Alex x
1. Full Disclosure by Camryn Garrett.
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16-year-old Simone can’t let anyone at her new school know that she is HIV-positive, especially not her new crush Miles, but a note in her locker says that someone knows her secret. This heartwarming, funny YA novel doesn’t shy away from being open and honest about all aspects of sex, making it vital reading for any contemporary teen.
2. Adaptation by Malinda Lo.
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Reese can’t remember anything before the accident but she knows she has woken up in a world where everything is different and things are only about to get stranger. This is a dark dystopian that is incredibly thought-provoking and explicitly portrays Reese’s bisexuality through two very well-developed love interests. 
3. The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid.
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Veteran Hollywood starlet Evelyn Hugo is finally ready to share the story of her incredible life. It’s a sprawling, heartbreaking story of forbidden love with a conclusion that is both slow-burning but somehow inevitable. Evelyn Hugo is one of my favourite books of all time and I urge you desperately to pick it up!
4. Far From You by Tess Sharpe.
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Former drug addict Sophie is out of rehab and on the trail of her best friend Mina’s killer before they catch up to her. This is a gut-wrenching mystery that features a young woman who is incredibly secure and confident in her bisexuality, making it a wonderfully refreshing portrayal.
5. Autoboyography by Christina Lauren.
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Bisexual teen Tanner is dared to enter his school’s prestigious Seminar, challenging students to write a book in four months, but he doesn’t bank on falling for his mentor Sebastian. Autoboyography is a unique, charming and sensitive collision of worlds with fantastic bisexual positivity.
6. Star-Crossed by Barbara Dee.
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Mattie is crushing on Elijah, when she is cast opposite pretty new girl Gemma in the school’s production of Romeo and Juliet and she starts to wonder if it’s possible to be attracted to both boys and girls. There are very few middle-grade books that explore sexuality at all but Star-Crossed does it in a thoughtful, educational way with some Shakespeare fun thrown in!
7. America Is Not The Heart by Elaine Castillo.
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When Hero is disowned by her Filipino family, she moves in with her uncle and his family in America but her epic story slowly begins to unfold. Set against a tumultuous political backdrop of 1980s and 1990s The Phillippines, it’s a literary family saga exploring identity, sexuality and expectation.
8. Little & Lion by Brandy Colbert.
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Suzette’s stepbrother Lionel has bipolar and he needs her emotional support, so it’s not great when she finds herself falling in love with the same girl he’s in love with. Emotionally charged and fantastically diverse, Little and Lion is a unique family story of divided loyalties.
9. Red, White And Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston.
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When photos circulate of a brawl between America’s First Son Alex and Prince of Wales Henry, the two families orchestrate a reconciliation between them that begins to escalate. The chemistry between Alex and Henry is pure electric, which adds a fire to this cutesy rom-com.
10. Conversations With Friends by Sally Rooney.
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When college students and former lovers Frances and Bobbi meet journalist Melissa and her actor husband Nick, unexpected, complex connections are formed. Despite the cast of very unlikeable characters, Sally Rooney’s debut is an addictive, all-consuming, heady experience.
11. Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell.
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One of the story strands in Cloud Atlas follows Robert Frobisher, a bisexual composer who assists an elderly, dying man in writing his last composition, which inspires him to write his own music again. The book has a very intricate, complex structure and bounces between time periods and perspectives, so be aware of this before picking it up!
12. Spellbook Of The Lost and Found by Moira Fowley-Doyle.
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When Olive and Rose start losing things, they join forces with a trio of feral strangers Hazel, Ivy and Rowan in commandeering an ancient spellbook to help them retrieve what has been lost. There are a couple of really beautiful romances amidst this strange, haunting tale of witchcraft and whimsy.
13. Leah on the Offbeat by Becky Albertalli.
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Drummer and all-round sass-pants Leah Burke is bisexual but she hasn’t told her friends yet, so she isn’t sure what to do when she starts to like one of them as slightly more than a friend. It’s a companion novel to Simon Vs The Homo Sapiens Agenda and I would advise you to read that or watch Love, Simon before picking up this slow-burning, quirky rom-com.
14. Queens of Geek by Jen Wilde.
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Vlogger and actress Charlie has recently broken up with her co-star Reese and now has her sights set on long-term crush Alyssa, while her best friends Taylor and Jamie have their own ‘will-they-won’t-they’ thing going on. Queens Of Geek is a very cute, nerdy rom-com that celebrates the power of fandom and being your true self. 
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tasksweekly · 5 years
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[TASK 174: TANZANIA]
In celebration of December 9th being Tanzanian Independence Day, here’s a masterlist below compiled of over 230+ Tanzanian faceclaims categorised by gender with their occupation and ethnicity denoted if there was a reliable source. If you want an extra challenge use random.org to pick a random number! Of course everything listed below are just suggestions and you can pick whichever faceclaim or whichever project you desire.
Any questions can be sent here and all tutorials have been linked below the cut for ease of access! REMEMBER to tag your resources with #TASKSWEEKLY and we will reblog them onto the main! This task can be tagged with whatever you want but if you want us to see it please be sure that our tag is the first five tags, @ mention us or send us a messaging linking us to your post!
THE TASK - scroll down for FC’s!
STEP 1: Decide on a FC you wish to create resources for! You can always do more than one but who are you starting with? There are links to masterlists you can use in order to find them and if you want help, just send us a message and we can pick one for you at random!
STEP 2: Pick what you want to create! You can obviously do more than one thing, but what do you want to start off with? Screencaps, RP icons, GIF packs, masterlists, PNG’s, fancasts, alternative FC’s - LITERALLY anything you desire!
STEP 3: Look back on tasks that we have created previously for tutorials on the thing you are creating unless you have whatever it is you are doing mastered - then of course feel free to just get on and do it. :)
STEP 4: Upload and tag with #TASKSWEEKLY! If you didn’t use your own screencaps/images make sure to credit where you got them from as we will not reblog packs which do not credit caps or original gifs from the original maker.
THINGS YOU CAN MAKE FOR THIS TASK -  examples are linked!
Stumped for ideas? Maybe make a masterlist or graphic of your favourite faceclaims. A masterlist of names. Plot ideas or screencaps from a music video preformed by an artist. Masterlist of quotes and lyrics that can be used for starters, thread titles or tags. Guides on culture and customs.
Screencaps
RP icons [of all sizes]
Gif Pack [maybe gif icons if you wish]
PNG packs
Manips
Dash Icons
Character Aesthetics
PSD’s
XCF’s
Graphic Templates - can be chara header, promo, border or background PSD’s!
FC Masterlists - underused, with resources, without resources!
FC Help - could be related, family templates, alternatives.
Written Guides.
and whatever else you can think of / make!
MASTERLIST!
F:
Amandina Lihamba (1944) Tanzanian - actress, director, and playwright.
Rachel Luttrell (1971) Shambaa Tanzanian / English - actress.
Leyla Rashid (1971) Tanzanian - Instagrammer. 
Carola Kinasha (1972) Maasai Tanzanian - singer and guitarist.
Saida Karoli (1976) Tanzanian - singer.
Rose Mhando (1976) Tanzanian - singer.
K-Lyinn / Jacqueline Mengi (1978) Tanzanian - singer and furniture designer.
Lady Jaydee / Lady JayDee in town / Lady Jay Dee / Judith Mbibo (1979) Tanzanian - rapper-songwriter, singer, and pianist.
Francisca Urio (1981) Tanzanian / German - singer-songwriter, model, and radio host.
Ida Ljungqvist (1981) Tanzanian / Swedish - model.
Monalisa / Yvonne Cherrie (1981) Tanzanian - actress, radio host, director, and producer.
Erica Luttrell (1982) Shambaa Tanzanian / English - actress.
Ray C / Rehema Chalamila (1982) Tanzanian - singer.
Celina Mziray (1982) Tanzanian / Scottish - instagrammer (celinamziray).
Nakaaya Sumari (1982) Tanzanian - rapper and singer.
Miriam Odemba (1983) Tanzanian - model and Miss Earth Tanzania 2008.
Dataz (1984) Tanzanian - rapper, singer, tv host, and DJ.
Salama Zalhata Jabir (1984) Tanzanian - YouTuber (MkasiTV).
SHAA (1985) Tanzanian - singer. 
Aunty Ezekiel (1986) Tanzanian - actress. 
Batuli / Yobnesh Yussuf Hassan (1986) Tanzanian - actress and producer.
Mwasiti / Mwasiti Almas Yusuph (1986) Tanzanian - singer-songwriter and rapper.
Nancy Sumari (1986) Tanzanian - model, author, and Miss World Tanzania 2005.
Shilole / Zena Yusuf Mohammed (1987) Tanzanian - actress, rapper-songwriter, and singer.
Flaviana Matata (1987) Tanzanian - model and Miss Universe Tanzania 2007.
Wema Sepetu (1988) Tanzanian - actress, tv host, model, and Miss Tanzania 2006.
Irene Uwoya (1988) Tanzanian - actress, director, and producer.
Vanessa Mdee / VeeMoney (1988) Tanzanian - singer-songwriter, rapper, tv personality, radio host, and activist.
Alysha Brilla (1988) Tanzanian, Gujarati Indian, Khoja Indian / Unspecified White - singer-songwriter, guitarist, pianist, drummer, and producer.
Baby Madaha (1988) Tanzanian - actress and singer.
Maua Sama (1990) Tanzanian - singer. 
Jennifer Mkoma (1991) Tanzanian - actress. 
Nandy / Faustina Charles Mfinanga (1992) Tanzanian - singer-songwriter, artist, and activist.
Lulu James (1992) Maasai Tanzanian - singer-songwriter.
Nale Boniface (1993) Tanzanian - model and Miss Earth Tanzania 2014.
Betty Boniphace (1993) Tanzanian - model and Miss Universe Tanzania 2013.
Winfrida Dominic (1993) Tanzanian - model and Miss Universe Tanzania 2012.
Nelly Kamwelu (1993) Tanzanian / Russian - model, Miss Universe Tanzania 2011, and Miss Southern Africa International 2011.
Carolyne Bernard (1994) Tanzanian - model and Miss Earth Tanzania 2015.
Hamisa Mobetto / Hamisa Mobetuo (1994) Tanzanian - model, actress, and singer. 
Elizabeth Michael (1995) Tanzanian - actress and producer.
Herieth Paul (1995) Tanzanian - model.
Renaida / Renaida Braun (1997) Tanzanian - singer.
Lulu Diva (?) Tanzanian - singer and Instagrammer.
Irene Louis / Lynn (?) Tanzanian - model and musician. 
Vivian Gaudencia (?) Tanzanian - Instagrammer.
WINI (?) Tanzanian - singer and actress (Instagram: wini_tz).
Kajala Masanja (?) Tanzanian - actress.
Mimi Mars (?) Tanzanian - MC, tv personality, and actress. 
Julitha Kabete (?) Tanzanian, South African - model and Miss World Tanzania 2017.
Fahyvanny (?) Tanzanian, South African - Instagrammer and Best Dressed Lady Africa 2019.
Kanea Blokland (?) Tanzanian, Dutch - actress.
Mim Suleiman (?) Tanzanian - singer-songwriter, performer, and composer.
Amanda Luttrell Garrigus (?) Tanzanian / Unknown - fashion journalist. 
Remi Veronica (?) Tanzanian / Nigerian -  singer, actress, and model. 
Aliyah (?) Tanzanian, British - Instagrammer and YouTuber (tooaliyah).
Ms. Sasya (?) Tanzanian - make-up artist (Instagram: ms_sasya).
Mnyama Mkali (?) Tanzanian - Instagrammer (officiall_nai).
Maria Clementina (?) Tanzanian - model (instagram: pinkhooper).
Claralisa Namoyo (?) Tanzanian - Miss Tanzania top 10 finalist 2019, Next Top Model of the year 2015, Miss Tanga 2019, missnorthenzone 2nd runner-up 2019.
Belle Sophie (?) Tanzanian - model (Instagram: thebellesophie).
Aziza Frisby (?) Tanzanian, British - Instagrammer (aziza_frisby).
RED Tendawema (?) Tanzanian - singer and actress.
F - Athletes:
Nzaeli Kyomo (1957) Tanzanian - sprinter.
Lilian Nyiti (1959) Tanzanian - middle-distance runner.
Mwinga Mwanjala (1960) Tanzanian - middle-distance runner.
Mosi Alli (1961) Tanzanian - sprinter.
Marcellina Emmanuel (1964) Tanzanian - middle-distance runner.
Restituta Joseph (1971) Tanzanian - middle-distance runner.
Banuelia Mrashani (1977) Tanzanian - long-distance runner.
Lwiza John (1980) Tanzanian - middle-distance runner.
Faustine Mussa (1981) Tanzanian - long-distance runner.
Anna Ndege (1982) Tanzanian - middle-distance runner.
Phaustin Baha Sulle (1982) Tanzanian - long-distance runner.
Zakia Mrisho Mohamed (1984) Tanzanian - long-distance runner.
Mohamed Ikoki Msandeki (1985) Tanzanian - marathon runner.
Sara Ramadhani (1987) Tanzanian - long-distance runner.
Magdalena Moshi (1990) Tanzanian - swimmer.
Failuna Abdi Matanga (1992) Tanzanian - long-distance runner.
Malaika Mihambo (1994) Tanzanian / German - long jumper.
Magdalena Shauri (1996) Tanzanian - long-distance runner.
Sonia Tumiotto (2001) Tanzanian - swimmer.
M:
Daniel Owino Misiani (1940) Tanzanian - singer. 
Joseph Shabalala / Bhekizizwe Joseph Siphatimandla Mxoveni Mshengu Bigboy Shabalala (1941) Tanzanian / Zulu South African - singer and director.
Mzee Chillo / Ahmed Olotu (1950) Tanzanian - actor, singer, comedian, director, producer, and writer.
Ras Nas / Nasibu Mwanukuzi (1958) Tanzanian - musician and poet.
Rhymson / MC Rhymson / R.H.Y.M.S.O.N / Mwanavina / Zavara Mponjika / Ramadhani Mponjika (1968) Tanzanian - rapper-songwriter, singer, and producer.
Jhikoman / Jhiko Manyika / Jhikolabwino Siza Manyika (1972) Tanzanian - singer, guitarist, painter, and sculptor.
Imani Sanga (1972) Tanzanian - musician.
Lucian Msamati (1976) Tanzanian - actor and playwright.
Vincent Kigosi (1980) Tanzanian - actor, director, and producer.
Juma Nature / Sir Nature / Juma Kassim Ally (1980) Tanzanian - rapper-songwriter, singer, and producer.
Dully Sykes / Mr. Misifa / Abdul Sykes (1980) Tanzanian - rapper, singer, and producer.
TID / Khalid Mohamed (1981) Tanzanian - rapper and singer.
Harold O’Neal (1981) 3/4 Tanzanian, 1/4 African-American - actor, pianist, keyboardist, drummer, percussionist, public speaker, dancer, producer, and composer.
Tudd Thomas (1981) Tanzanian - singer-songwriter, rapper, pianist, guitarist, drummer, producer, and sound engineer.
KAKA / Kaka / Little Kaka / Lil’ Kaka / Bigg Kaka / Rajabu Willer (1981) Tanzanian - rapper and singer.
Hamdan Al Abri (1981) Tanzanian / Ugandan, Comorian, Indian - singer-songwriter.
A.Y. / Ambwene Allen Yessayah (1982) Tanzanian - rapper.
Msafiri Zawose (1982) Gogo Tanzanian - singer, flutist, ilimba player, ngoma player, marimba player, zeze player, and lamellophone maker.
John Simon / Joh Makini (1984) Tanzanian - singer. 
Romeo Jones (1985) Tanzanian - DJ.
Ali Kiba (1986) Tanzanian - actor, singer-songwriter, producer, director, and footballer.
Bob Junior / Raheem Rummy Nanji (1986) Tanzanian - actor, singer-songwriter, guitarist, pianist, and dancer.
Millard Ayo (1986) Tanzanian - blogger. 
Nay Wa Mitego (1988) Tanzanian - rapper. 
Nahreel / Emmanuel Mkono (1989) Tanzanian - rapper-songwriter, singer, producer, and entrepreneur.
Mesen / Mesen Selekta / Jerry Boniface (1989) Tanzanian - rapper-songwriter, singer, producer, sound engineer, and entrepreneur.
Diamond Platnumz / Nasibu Abdul Juma (1989) Tanzanian - singer-songwriter, rapper, guitarist, pianist, drummer, dancer, and entrepreneur.
Ben Pol / Benard Michael Paul Mnyang'anga (1989) Tanzanian - singer-songwriter.
Juma Mussa (1989) Tanzanian - singer. 
Musta Barbaari / James Nikander (1990) Tanzanian / Finnish - rapper.
Shetta / Nurdin Bilal Ali (1990) Tanzanian - singer and rapper.
Tiggs Da Author (1990) Tanzanian - rapper. 
Mbosso (1991) Tanzanian - singer. 
Harmonize / Rajab Abdul Kahali (1991) Tanzanian - singer-songwriter, rapper, guitarist, pianist, drummer, and dancer.
Goodluck Gozbert (1991) Tanzanian - gospel singer. 
Kevoo Hard / Kelvin Mbilinyi (1992) Tanzanian - singer-songwriter.
Amidu Didascalie Lucas (1992 or 1993) Tanzanian - singer.
Lava Lava (1993) Tanzanian - rapper. 
Idris Sultan (1993) Tanzanian - actor, tv personality, comedian, and radio host.
Rayvanny / Raymond Shaban Mwakyusa (1993) Tanzanian - rapper-songwriter, singer, pianist, guitarist, drummer, and dancer.
Allan Kingdom / Allan Kyariga (1994) Tanzanian / South African - rapper and producer.
Dogo Janja / Abdulaziz Abubakar Chande (1994) Tanzanian - singer-songwriter and rapper.
Nedy Music / Said Seif Ally (1995) Tanzanian - rapper-songwriter and singer.
Timoth Conrad (1998) Tanzanian - film director, producer, screenwriter and editor
Emmanuel Silas Shedrack (1998) Tanzanian - model and Mr. Albinism East Africa 2018.
21 Sedrick (1999) Tanzanian - Instagrammer. 
Dolasoul / Balozi / Balozi Dola (?) Tanzanian - rapper.
Saleh J / Saleh Jaber (?) Tanzanian - rapper.
Ommy Dimpoz (?) Tanzanian - singer. 
Ernest Napoleon (?) Tanzanian / Russian - writer, producer and actor.
Joel Soul Kigwila (?) Tanzanian - actor. 
Ben Breaker (?) Tanzanian - model. 
Devon Kare (?) Tanzanian  / Mozambican - actor and model (Instagram: devonkare).
Symon Poluse (?) Tanzanian - model (Instagram: symonpoluse).
Noel Ndale (?) Tanzanian - fashion stylist and Instagrammer (noelgiotz).
M - Athletes:
John Stephen Akhwari (1938) Tanzanian - long-distance runner. 
Norman Chihota (1947) Tanzanian - sprinter.  
Habibu Kinyogoli (1948) Tanzanian - boxer. 
Suleiman Nyambui (1953) Tanzanian - long-distance runner.  
Filbert Bayi (1953) Tanzanian - middle-distance runner.
Hassan Afif (1956) Tanzanian / Somali - footballer.
Gidamis Shahanga (1957) Tanzanian - long-distance runner.
Juma Ikangaa (1957) Tanzanian - long-distance runner.
Joseph Marwa (1964) Tanzanian - boxer. 
John Burra (1965) Tanzanian - long-distance runner.
Rashi Ali Hadj Matumla (1968) Tanzanian - boxer. 
Alfred Shemweta (1970) Tanzanian - long-distance runner.
Maneno Oswald (1970) Tanzanian - boxer. 
Francis Robert Naali (1972) Tanzanian - long-distance runner.
Andrew Sambu (1972) Tanzanian - long-distance runner.
Hassan Mzonge (1972) Tanzanian - boxer. 
Zebedayo Bayo (1976) Tanzanian - long-distance runner.
Iddi Alkhag (1978) Tanzanian - footballer.
Robin Szolkowy (1979) Tanzanian / German - ice skater.
Khalid Rushaka (1980) Tanzanian - swimmer. 
Getuli Bayo (1980) Tanzanian - long-distance runner.
Salum Swedi (1980) Tanzanian - footballer. 
Patrick Mtiliga (1981) Tanzanian / Danish - footballer.
Omari Kimweri (1982) Tanzanian - boxer. 
Francis Cheka (1982) Tanzanian - boxer. 
Nadir Haroub (1982) Tanzanian - footballer. 
Samson Ramadhani (1982) Tanzanian - long-distance runner.
Dickson Marwa Mkami (1982) Tanzanian - long-distance runner. 
Danny Mrwanda (1983) Tanzanian - footballer.
Amri Kiemba (1983) Tanzanian - footballer.
Shaban Nditi (1983) Tanzanian - footballer.
Seleman Kidunda (1984) Tanzanian - boxer. 
Aggrey Morris (1984) Tanzanian - footballer.
Abdi Kassim (1984) Tanzanian - footballer.
Kelvin Yondan (1984) Tanzanian - footballer.
Ivo Mapunda (1984) Tanzanian - footballer.
Juma Kaseja (1985) Tanzanian - footballer.
Eddie Odhiambo (1985) Tanzanian - footballer.
Samwel Mwera (1985) Tanzanian - middle-distance runner.
Henry Joseph Shindika (1985) Tanzanian - footballer.
Fabiano Joseph Naasi (1985) Tanzanian - long-distance runner. 
Samwel Shauri (1985) Tanzanian - long-distance runner. 
Mana Nakao (1986) Tanzanian / Japanese - footballer.
Rajab Hamza (1986) Tanzanian - footballer.
Haruna Moshi (1987) Tanzanian - footballer.
Hasheem Thabeet (1987) Tanzanian - basketball player. 
Ali Afif (1988) Tanzanian, Somali / Yemeni - footballer.
Salomo Ntuve (1988) Tanzanian - boxer.
Nizar Khalfan (1988) Tanzanian - footballer. 
David Mwantika (1988) Tanzanian - footballer. 
Athuman Idd (1988) Tanzanian - footballer. 
Amir Maftah (1988) Tanzanian - footballer. 
Nurdin Bakari (1988) Tanzanian - footballer. 
Juma Jabu (1988) Tanzanian - footballer. 
Erasto Nyoni (1988) Tanzanian - footballer. 
Jerson Tegete (1988) Tanzanian - footballer. 
Rashid Chidi Gumbo (1988) Tanzanian - footballer. 
Mwinyi Kazimoto (1988) Tanzanian - footballer. 
Ezekiel Jafary (1989) Tanzanian - long-distance runner. 
Eric Odhiambo (1989) Tanzanian - footballer.
Mrisho Ngasa (1989) Tanzanian - footballer.
Raphael Bocco (1989) Tanzanian - footballer.
Martin Kolikoli (1989) Tanzanian - basketball player. 
Aidi / Eddy Francis / Aidi Fulangxisi (1990) Tanzanian / Chinese - footballer.
Amahl Pellegrino (1990) Tanzanian - footballer.
Stephno Gwandu Huche (1990) Tanzanian - long-distance runner. 
Haruna Chanongo (1991) Tanzanian - footballer.
Elias Maguri (1991) Tanzanian - footballer.
Alphonce Simbu (1992) Tanzanian - long-distance runner. 
Salum Abubakar (1992) Tanzanian - footballer. 
Shomari Kapombe (1992) Tanzanian - footballer. 
Adi Yussuf (1992) Tanzanian - footballer. 
Mbwana Samatta (1992) Tanzanian - footballer.
Jonas Mkude (1992) Tanzanian - footballer.
Himid Mao (1992) Tanzanian - footballer. 
Frank Domayo (1993) Tanzanian - footballer. 
Simon Msuva (1993) Tanzanian - footballer. 
Ally Mtoni (1993) Tanzanian - footballer. 
Thomas Ulimwengu (1993) Tanzanian - footballer. 
Hassan Kessy (1994) Tanzanian - footballer. 
Yussuf Poulsen (1994) Tanzanian / Danish - footballer.
Hilal Hemed Hilal (1994) Tanzanian - swimmer. 
Saidi Makula (1994) Tanzanian - long-distance runner. 
Andrew Thomas Mlugu (1995) Tanzanian - judoka. 
Abdi Banda (1995) Tanzanian - footballer. 
Aishi Manula (1995) Tanzanian - footballer. 
Brad Kaaya (1995) Tanzanian / Nigerian, Ashkenazi Jewish - football player.
Akram Afif (1996) Tanzanian, Somali / Yemeni - footballer.
Gadiel Kamagi (1996) Tanzanian - footballer.
Mudathir Yahya (1996) Tanzanian - footballer.
Shiza Kichuya (1996) Tanzanian - footballer.
Yahya Zayd (1996) Tanzanian - footballer. 
Faridi Mussa (1996) Tanzanian - footballer. 
Carte Said (1997) Tanzanian - footballer. 
Shaaban Idd Chilunda (1998) Tanzanian - footballer. 
Abdalla Haji Shaibu (1998) Tanzanian - footballer. 
Metacha Mnata (1998) Tanzanian - footballer. 
Feisal Salum (1998) Tanzanian - footballer. 
Michael John Lema (1999) Tanzanian - footballer.
Ally Hamis Ng'anzi (2000) Tanzanian - footballer.
Problematic:
Vanessa Morgan (1992) Tanzanian / Scottish - actress. - Plays a Native American character on Riverdale despite having no Native American heritage.
11 notes · View notes
buttercream-me-up · 7 years
Text
Tour Life // Byron Langley
Word Count- 1174
Summary- You meet a handsome male at a party in the middle of your tour.
Warnings; N/A
A/n; i SWORE I HAD ALL THE REQUESTS DONE, BUT APPARENTLY NOT?
Requested; It took me so long to do this, I’m so sorry!
req; can u do a byron one where ur both drummers for different bands and you meet on tour and really get along? 
req; and for the drummer ask, i forgot to include, but could the reader have blue hair? thanks babe, ur imagines are amazing!!
req; Moree byronn pleasee😍😍
-
Being on tour was a crazy thing. Not in a million years would you have thought you and your friends, a small group of girls from a small area in Brighton, United Kingdom, would be able to do something as crazy as this. You were nearing the end of the tour, only 4 stops remaining after the one you’d done today, and you weren’t at all disappointed. The tour had been going flawlessly, and you couldn’t have asked for more.
Except for right now. You were hanging out at the bar of this party that your band had dragged you too. (It wasn’t the first time, but you were hoping it was the last). You twirled your newly-blue hair in your hand; it was something you and your band as a group had done; you’d all colored your hair specifically for the tour. You liked it so much, you were thinking of keeping it afterwards and possibly making it a permanent change.
You weren’t really in a dancing mood; specifically to dance alone. The entire of the tour, your bandmates had been flirting shamelessly with guy after guy, usually finding someone for the night and not remembering their names the next. You weren’t that type of girl; you weren’t really a fan of one-night-stands. You did them, still, occasionally, but no where near comparable to the amount of times your friends did on this tour, let alone back home.
You watched your bandmates stumble around the dance floor, drunk as hell. You sipped on your drink lightly, taking it slow. You’d already been here for about an hour, and you, yourself, were barely past the point of being tipsy, and you were the ‘designated driver’. Your lead singer, Y/F/N, was supposed to be, but she was the first to drink, and all of you knew she wouldn’t hold that title. Shortly after that, seeing them all dancing with partners, you took the responsibility.
“Mind if I join you?” You nearly jumped at the sound, turning to see a slightly attractive- oh who were you kidding, he was angelic- man standing in front of you, eyebrow quirked. “No one is stopping you.” You smirked, gesturing for him to sit. He chuckled, his voice deep, sitting down on the bar stood next to you. “Your drink is low. I’m about to get myself one, want anything?” He asked, and you looked down to see you barely had any contents left in the cup. “It’s alright, you don’t have to.” You said, smiling gently.
“Please. I’m trying to be one of those stereotypical guys who buys the girl a drink to have an excuse to talk to her. Let me buy you one.” He said, and you giggled. “You’re already talking to me, genius.” You smirked, shaking your head slightly. “I started the conversation with buying you a drink, didn’t I?” He challenged, and you put your hands up in surrender. “Alright, pretty boy. You win. I’ll have a..” You told him your favorite drink, and he nodded, calling over the bartender and ordering.
“So, now that I’ve paid for your drink, do I get a name to go with your pretty face?” He asked, cheekily. “I’m Y/N.” You said, smiling confidently. “I’m Byron.” He said, smirking. “Sorry, but.. I don’t think I asked?” You teased, and his face fell. “I’m just kidding. Nice to meet you, Byron.” You said quickly, extending a hand to shake. He did shake, but gently pulled your hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to it.
“Wow, going full Romeo, are we?” You said, trying to brush off the growing blush on your cheeks. “You know it, Juliet.” He winked and you laughed. “So Romeo, besides act like a total flirt, what do you do in your free time?” You asked, eyebrows raised. “Well, I’m in a band.” He said, after thinking about it for a brief minute. “Oh, really? What do you play?” You asked, now fully intrigued and curious.
“I’m the drummer. A pretty good one at that, I’d like to think.” You nearly spat out your drink at the coincidence. “No way!” You exclaimed, and he looked at you oddly. “You don’t think I’d be a good drummer?” He asked, confused. “No, it’s not that. It’s just, I’m in a band too, and I’m also a drummer!” You paused, smirking to yourself “But still, I’m probably better than you.” Byron held a hand to his chest, leaning back dramatically. “You hurt me, Y/N. It’s just a sign; we’re meant to be.” Byron said, winking. You shoved him lightly, chuckling.
“Care to dance, milady?” He asked, standing up and offering you a hand, bowing before you. You laughed, but played along, placing your hand in his gently, as he guided you towards the dance floor. The two of you danced for hours, not a care in the world. At this point, you’d given up on being the sober one; your friends were big girls, they could handle themselves.. for one night, anyways. You didn’t have fun like this often; you were going to enjoy it.
“Y/N!!” Y/F/N stumbled over, tugging on your dress. You turned, surprised. “Y/F/N? What’s wrong?” You asked, a bit annoyed at the interruption. You were having so much fun with Byron; you hadn’t even realized what time it was. “We have to gooooo! The bus is leaving in 10 minutes!” She slurred, leaning against you. You gasped, looking at your watch. She was right. “Shit.” you cursed, under your breath. “Where are the other girls?” You asked your friend, and she yawned. “On the bus.” She said, grabbing at your arm to try and pull you away. “Just wait. I’ll be there in a minute; you go get on.” You told her, and she did so, too drunk to argue.
“I’m so sorry. We’re on tour and we have to go get on our bus for our show tomorrow.” You said, and Byron frowned. You quickly pulled out your phone, handing it ot him. “I’d really like to see you again, though. Our tour is almost over; we can hang out afterwards? Or hey, maybe you can even come to one of our stops. Our last one is in London.” You said, and he smiled, putting in his number. “Text me the details, I’ll see if I can cram it into my oh-so-busy schedule.” He joked, and you smiled.
You reached up, kissing him quickly on the lips. “See you later, Byron.” You said, and with that, you ran off to your bus. Byron touched his lips in admiration, smiling to where your figure had just disappeared. He wasn’t a bar type; in fact, he was usually so shy, girls would have to approach him in bars. He wasn’t sure what brought him to act that way with you, but the banter flowed naturally between you. He’d never forget the night he met his blue-haired beauty in a random party in the middle of London.
82 notes · View notes
trendingnewsb · 7 years
Text
6 Famous People Whose Origin Stories Are Dark Secrets
Nobody expects celebrities to actually be exactly the way they portray themselves publicly. Bruce Willis doesn’t go around killing terrorists every day (that probably happens, like, every other weekend). When you’re famous, it’s understood that you’ll have to bullshit a little and cultivate an image that appeals to your audience. But some do less cultivating and more top-to-bottom renovations. It’s always shocking when famous people turn out to be the complete opposite of what they’re famous for. And that’s the case with …
6
Kid Rock Was Born Rich And Grew Up In A Huge-Ass Mansion
No “celebrity goes into politics” story will ever be weird again, but the announcement that Kid Rock might run for Senate still managed to turn a few heads. After all, his biggest claim to fame was supposedly spending a summer “trying different things … smoking funny things,” and based on his ability to rhyme “things” with “things,” he surely has no better than an eighth-grade education, right?
Rock wants us to think he’s some rough-and-tumble country boy, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. His childhood home in Macomb County, Michigan recently sold for nearly $1.3 million, which we’re reasonably sure would be enough to buy whole towns around there. It turns out that his dad owned two luxury car dealerships and made some not-insignificant amounts of money.
Romeo High School “Your little rec center shall make a great showroom for our Bentleys. Papa will be most pleased.”
Mr. and Mrs. Rock’s “four-bedroom, four-bath, neo-Georgian colonial house” is over 5,000 square feet, has an indoor Jacuzzi, amenities out the wazoo, and the property itself contains an apple orchard. Rock has tried to flaunt his down-home country style and use it to smear politicians as “out of touch.” That doesn’t have the same gravity now that we know his past.
Adam Serwer/Twitter That’s a sad burger for so many reasons.
5
Rapper Rick Ross Was A Prison Guard
Florida rapper Rick Ross is best known for his songs about nonstop hustling and pushing it to the limit (“it” being all of the drugs). Hell, he got his name from a drug kingpin. That’s why it was kind of a shocker when it came out that Ross was a corrections officer (read: prison guard) prior to getting into the rap game.
After the story broke about his previous life of literally the opposite of crime, Ross originally denied it, but somehow the media managed to get ahold of pay stubs that proved it. For about two years in the mid-’90s, he worked as a CO in Florida. Granted, that makes him more of a badass than being a CO in, say, Terre Haute, Indiana, but it didn’t help his street cred any.
Florida Department of Corrections, Maybach Music Group His earliest songs were about how much he hated that Urkel kid who kept visiting his house.
Even 50 Cent took a jab at Ross in a rap to point out how dumb it was for Rozay to keep acting like he was something he wasn’t. After all, if you’re only learning about smuggling drugs and weapons from someone else’s case file instead of doing it yourself, can you sincerely say your raps come from the heart?
Probably thanks to some magical PR whiz, Ross finally owned up to his past. Rather than dismiss his old job as some kind of phase, he managed to call it a “hustle” in its own right. (We’re beginning to think that absolutely anything can be a hustle as long as one declares it so.)
4
Ron Jeremy Was A Special Education Teacher
Lots of people watch porn — about 67 percent of you are only reading this while you wait for some to load. Even the “casual” viewer can probably name a fair number of lady porn stars, but for some reason, about the only male porn actor most people can identify is Ron Jeremy. He’s been the mustachioed face of videotaped boning for decades, but believe it or not, that wasn’t really his Plan A.
On an episode of Judge Pirro, Jeremy admitted that his background was in theater, and that he’d gone on to get a master’s degree in special education. As in working with disabled kids.
Jeremy is happy to talk about his educator past, and always considered his teaching degree his fallback option, or “ace in the hole” (that’s probably not the only thing he’s called that). He majored in theater in college, and much like theater majors of today, he went and tacked on an education degree “just in case.”
Read Next
What Movie News Should You Know RIGHT NOW (11/24/17)
One time, Jeremy and a friend (the school psychologist) picked up a couple of women and brought them back to what they claimed was their “hotel,” which was in truth the school for developmentally challenged kids where they worked. The building used to be a hotel, so they didn’t lie, precisely, but that’s the kind of thing you’d expect from the future star of Ebony Humpers 2. They also told the ladies that they were going to a convention for doctors, which was pure bullshit. In the morning, Jeremy and his friend brought the women up to the “hotel restaurant,” cleverly disguised as a goddamned school cafeteria. (The kids there were reportedly quite thrilled to meet them.)
3
The “Blue Collar” Comedy Tour Is Pretty Well-Educated
The Blue Collar Comedy Tour is a group of comedians who joined forces when they realized they were essentially using the same shtick, so why not put on a show together? And put on a show they did, because as far as Larry the Cable Guy and Jeff Foxworthy go, their entire careers are an act.
Most people are probably smart enough to assume that Larry the Cable Guy is not in fact named Larry the Cable Guy. What fewer people know is that he’s as far from “Southern” as it gets. He’s originally from Nebraska, which is definitely rural, but not “The hell kind of accent you got there, boy?” rural. The closest he got was that attending Baptist University in Decatur, Georgia (to major in drama and speech), but even so, that means he went to Georgia to go to college. That’s like your friend who studied abroad in Ireland coming back to America with a Cockney accent.
Seriously, watch him duck in and out of his “Southern” accent. It’s creepy:
youtube
Foxworthy, at least, is a native Georgian. His accent is real. But asking him to host Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader was an interesting choice, because he almost certainly is — dude went to Georgia Tech.
Granted, he didn’t graduate, but that’s in part because he landed a job working for his father at IBM in mainframe computer maintenance. Foxworthy, for his part, has tried to downplay it. There’s an obvious dichotomy between “college-educated computer guy” and “redneck” in our culture, but Jeff thinks there’s a bit more nuance than that:
“Here’s the problem that the media makes: They tend to think if you gave rednecks a billion dollars they wouldn’t be rednecks anymore. Look at Elvis — he put carpet on the ceiling. We wouldn’t wear Armani suits, we would just go to every NASCAR race.”
Someone should maybe tell him that Armani makes rather comfortable sweatpants.
2
Only One Of The Beach Boys Could Surf
Surfing isn’t merely a fun beach activity — it’s a lifestyle, brah. As soon as people discovered they could ride waves, it became a culture in itself. Nobody embodied that culture in the 1960s better than the Beach Boys, with their songs about the beach, fast cars, psychedelic farm animals, and then the beach again. They knew everything there was to know about taming the wild waves and impressing those California girls with their surf moves. Right? Right?
Well, no. Only one of them could surf.
Dennis Wilson, the drummer, was the only band member who knew the correct end of a surfboard. In 1961, he told fellow Beach Boys Brian Wilson and Mike Love, “Hey, surfing’s getting really big. You guys ought to write a song about it.” And then more songs about it …
youtube
… and then a couple of albums about it …
… and then an entire career about it. Had Dennis picked another random hobby, today they’d be known as the Model Train Building Boys. The band basically owes their success to Dennis’ suggestion. Although he also introduced them to his buddy Charles Manson, so not all of his ideas were so good.
Sadly, Dennis passed away in the very California ocean he loved after falling off a boat at age 39. His legacy lives on in every pastel-colored surf shack up and down the Pacific coast, and in the hearts of every Los Angeles tourist who tries surfing with a Groupon on a Saturday afternoon.
1
Neocon Poster Boy Milo Yiannopoulos Was (And Probably Still Is) A Total Dweeb
Milo Yiannopoulos is … no, not the main character from Disney’s Atlantis: The Lost Empire. He’s this guy:
You may know him as the firebrand Breitbart editor whose swagger lets him get away with spouting fascist rhetoric for a little too long, turning thousands of confused young men into his personal fan club and helping push them closer to all-out xenophobia. Yiannopoulos has been known to flirt with Nazi ideas and imagery, and — despite straight-up asking white supremacists for snazzy new Breitbart story angles — it’s all OK! He’s only “trolling.” When he talks about the evils of immigration or how trans people don’t deserve basic dignity, he’s not repeating the same backwards bullshit your grandpa used to complain about on the dinner table; he’s writing genius political satire, you see. Truly, a Voltaire for the age of Twitter. (Or Facebook, since Twitter banned his ass.)
But before all this, Yiannopoulos got his start as a rather inept and awkward tech writer for a bunch of websites, including Breitbart, and he looked like this:
That’s Yiannopoulos showing off his dorky, possibly Nazi ring, and presumably posing for his MySpace photo. Wonder what that profile would’ve entailed? Maybe something about how he likes to write poetry (read: plagiarize Tori Amos lyrics) for fun? Perhaps something further about how video game fans are losers and psychopaths, despite using that whole ridiculous #Gamergate saga to further his career? Months before “freedom of speech” became his battle cry and the excuse for his particular brand of outrageous dickishness, Yiannopoulos wrote a whole Breitbart column about how those goshdarn video games (which are enjoyed by “unemployed saddos living in their parents’ basements”) were probably to blame for the Elliot Rodger murders, and someone ought to do something about them.
How did he evolve his writing style from “angry letter writer at your local newspaper” to “edgiest shitlord on the internet”? He didn’t. His current work is largely ghost-written and researched by people he actively works to maintain uncredited and anonymous, because if he doesn’t get all the fame and attention, then what even is the point? Yiannopoulos is barely a person; he’s a crappy Halloween mask precariously placed on top of a heap of regressive ideas society had already flushed down the toilet. By the way, it was an unassuming teenage journalist from Canada who put the brakes on Yiannopoulos’ rising star by digging up his pro-pedophilia comments from 2016. (If it wasn’t for that, he’d probably have his own show on Fox News by now.) We’re sure it wasn’t the Universe’s intention to violently punish him in the most ironic way possible — it was just a prank, bro.
Isaac feels like a fraud pretty much every day. Follow him on Twitter.
Feel like Kid Rock has betrayed you? Don’t go cold turkey, instead try a KICK ROCKS shirt as a way to cope with the pain.
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cathygeha · 7 years
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REVIEW:
One Summer Night by Caridad Pineiro
At the Shore #1
 This book begins and ends with a wedding. It has ups and downs. It is a bit like a modern day Romeo and Juliet story without the death of both the main characters and the families in discord is all due to their fathers having a falling out over 30 years before the story begins.
 Rachel is dealing with a family company on the brink of disaster with a father unwilling to move in a direction that might save the business. She has friends that will star in the future books of the series but are also there to support her during the telling of her story.
 Owen also has a huge company that he runs with his father but where his father’s goal is to break Maggie’s father Owen’s is quite different. In fact, he wants to HELP Maggie an in doing so will also help her father.
 Owen and Rachel do have a chance at a happily ever after IF they can get all their ducks in a row…well…get them BACK in a row and if both are willing to listen to their hearts.
 This is a book I believe will appeal to New Adult readers and those that like a fairly predictable plot without any major dramas to contend with.
Thank you to NetGalley, SOURCEBOOKS Casablanca, and Barclay Publicity for the ARC – This is my honest review.
 3-4 Stars
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ONE SUMMER NIGHT by Caridad Pineiro Review Tour!
 It’s release week for Caridad Pineiro and her newest contemporary romance, ONE SUMMER NIGHT. Follow the tour for reviews, excerpts, and enter to win a $100 Amazon gift card and three runner-ups will win ONE SUMMER NIGHT branded T-Shirts and Hats.
 What happens at the shore, stays at the shore in Caridad Pineiro’s contemporary romance, ONE SUMMER NIGHT. Maggie Sinclair is out of options, and Owen Pierce, life long neighbor and enemy has an offer that’s impossible to accept. Fans of Bella Andre’s Sullivans series and Shannon Stacey’s Kowalskis series are sure to love this light and playful enemies to lovers romance.
  Title: One Summer Night
Author: Caridad Pineiro
Release Date: October 3, 2017
Publisher:  Sourcebooks Casablanca
Series: At the Shore
Genres: Contemporary romance
Pages: 352
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 Synopsis:
 An offer that’s impossible to accept . . .
Maggie Sinclair has tried everything to save her family’s business, including mortgaging their beloved beach house on the Jersey Shore. But now, she’s out of options.
The Sinclair and Pierce families have been neighbors and enemies for almost thirty years. That hasn’t stopped Owen Pierce from crushing on Maggie, and he’s determined to invest in her success. Now he has to convince her that he’s more than just trouble with a capital T…
Add to Goodreads: http://bit.ly/2w73ky4
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  ONE SUMMER NIGHT Excerpt
Copyright © 2017 Caridad Pineiro
 With keen interest, Owen Pierce took note of the three women as they hurried away from the dais and into the Sinclair mansion.
 “Put your eyes back in your head, Bro. She’s nothing but trouble,” Jon warned in low tones.
 Owen bit back the retort that if anyone knew about trouble, it was his brother. Jonathan had always marched to a different drummer and had set out on his own as a teenager to explore what he wanted out of life. Now a successful entrepreneur, he had captured the media’s attention with his innovative designs and daring adventures. That left Owen to shoulder most of the burden of the family’s real estate business, as well as deal with his father’s anger over Jonathan’s latest newsworthy escapade.
 He envied his brother’s carefree spirit and determination, especially as Maggie Sinclair marched back onto the patio with her friends, an angry bride, and an obviously inebriated groom. Both the bride and groom looked far from happy as they approached the elaborate multi-tiered wedding cake that had been wheeled out to the middle of the makeshift dance floor.
 He worried the bride might plunge the long knife she held into her new husband, but luckily for the newlyweds, Maggie directed the blade toward the cake.
 Jon playfully elbowed him. “Seriously, Owen. She’s not for you. Father declared the Sinclairs off-limits ages ago. He would have a stroke if he thought the two of you were involved.”
 Involved with Maggie Sinclair, Owen thought and sighed with regret.
 In a way, he’d been involved with her forever. He’d like to chalk it all up to a sloppy, hurried, and stolen kiss at eighteen and the allure of forbidden fruit. But since that kiss, he’d watched her mature into a smart, beautiful woman. One who was willing to work hard for the town and business she cared about as well as friends and family. With every encounter, he’d grown more intrigued with the person Maggie had become.
 But his father had come down hard on them about mingling with the Sinclairs right after Maggie’s mother’s death. For years, they’d been unable to come to their Sea Kiss home, and even when they’d returned, they’d done so without their father, who refused to be so close to the family he thought had wronged him.
 Not that Owen expected that Jon would kowtow to such rules, since his brother was the kind of man who didn’t hesitate to take what he wanted.
 He arched a brow and met his brother’s blue-eyed gaze, which glittered with a mix of undisguised challenge and amusement. “Do you think you’re the only one entitled to a little adventure in your life?” he said.
 Jon chuckled. “My kind of adventure is way safer than what you may be considering.”
 “Why’s that, Li’l Bro?” he asked, appreciating the sight of Maggie in a dusty-rose gown that hugged dangerous curves. Her chestnut-brown hair fell to her shoulders in soft waves and framed ice-blue eyes and a sassy, sexy face that snared his attention every time he saw her.
 Jonathan took a last sip of his champagne and barely stifled another laugh. With a shake of his head, he replied, “Because all I risk is an occasional broken bone, but that…” He jerked his head in Maggie’s direction as she stepped back beside Connie and Emma. “That will break your heart.”
 Enter to win a $100 AMAZON Gift Card and (3) Runner-ups will win a ONE SUMMER NIGHT Branded T-shirt and/or Hat!
 http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/b050ef29431/
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  About Caridad Pineiro:
 Caridad Pineiro is a transplanted Long Island girl who has fallen in love with pork roll and the Jersey Shore, but still can’t get the hang of tomato pies. When Caridad isn’t taking long strolls along the boardwalk to maintain her sanity and burn off that pork roll, she’s also a NY Times and USA Today bestselling author with over a million books sold worldwide. Caridad is passionate about writing and helping others explore and develop their skills as writers. She is a founding member of the Liberty States Fiction Writers and has presented workshops at the RT Book Club Convention, Romance Writers of America National Conference as well as various writing organizations throughout the country.
Follow Author:  Website | Facebook | Twitter | Goodreads | Instagram | Pinterest
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 http://www.barclaypublicity.com/
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thefutureispast · 7 years
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  By the mid 70’s rock was all of twenty years old, it had travelled from Bill Hayley performing ‘Rock around the Clock’ way past Hawkwind and ‘ Silver Machine’. The 60’s had been very forward looking, every few months there would be something new to marvel at, it was as if there was a scorched earth policy with the past being destroyed as the future became the present.
There were period in the 70’s however when it seemed like we had stretched the fabric of time, as if it could stretch no longer and it seemed like we were going to be sucked back into the 1950’s.The 1950’s for us meant America obviously, no one in their right mind wanted to revisit Wee Willie Harris or even Billy Fury. American Graffiti was an amazingly influential film which left the inhabitants of Croydon or Oldham yearning for a soda pop at the drive in. Even more influential was the TV show Happy Days which provided an even more sanitised version of the American dream. For a while it seemed we knew more about America than we did about our own country as so many of the shows were made there. There were only three channels and we had to watch in real time no wonder we have become so Americanised, we were brainwashed for decades.
Surprisingly Glam was partly backwards looking from Marc Bolan’s 50’s imagery to Roxy Music’s adoption of 40’s and 50’s American glamour. When Mud decided to dress as teddy boys (let’s forget the guitarist ok?) it just seemed normal. Let’s not forget that during this time Malcolm Mclaren was flirting with Teddy boy styles and running a shop catering to those tastes, rock and roll really was here to stay.
The apogee of this yearning for the past was encapsulated by the band Showaddywaddy. Sha Na Na without the bad acid. This weirdest of outfits was formed when two Leicester bands simply joined forces in 1973. This meant that Showaddywaddy had two drummers, two bassists and lots of everything else. This would, of course, prove useful when members started to leave but initially they had more people than was strictly necessary but this enabled members to generally mess around and make the band look more interesting than they were. Like so many other entertainers they initially came through the immensely popular ‘New Faces’ Show. From there on it was domination of middle England for the next few years. Showaddywaddy actually had 10 top ten hits though the mid 70’s. It seemed we couldn’t get enough of versions of old hits which were less good than the originals played by men in a collection of lurid Teddy boy outfits. The band was fronted by Dave Bartram whose mid 70’s haircut marked him out as an unlikely Ted despite his drapes and brothel creepers.
This is them at their very best.
Luckily tastes change and post punk there was no place for Showaddywaddy in the charts although, understandably, they remained a huge popular live act round the clubs, Bartram Hung up his drapes in 2013 but naturally the band are still going although with only two original members still remaining.
Punk, of course was aggressively British, we’d had enough of those yanks with their nice teeth and tanned skin showing off their perfect lifestyles. As well as rock and roll the biggest victim was country rock which had to be put into quarantine for a while.
It was a great loss. We survived but the American dream never seemed quite as perfect again.
By way of a footnote..
Showaddywaddy were an unlikely multiracial band. Romeo Challenger must have had the weirdest career of any black drummer having played in occult heavy metal band Black Widow before a lifelong career with Showaddywaddy.
Hey Rock and Roll By the mid 70’s rock was all of twenty years old, it had travelled from Bill Hayley performing ‘Rock around the Clock’ way past Hawkwind and ‘ Silver Machine’.
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trentteti · 7 years
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The Logical Rose-ning Section: Your Recap of The Bachelorette
Rachel Lindsay is a practicing attorney who once took the LSAT. And you, dear reader, are an aspiring attorney who will soon take the LSAT. Rachel Lindsay is also an aspiring married person, serving as the bachelorette on this season of The Bachelorette, the love story these depraved times deserve. And you, dear reader, may also be an aspiring married person? Either way, you definitely have at least a few things in common with Rachel. So every Tuesday, we’re going to be tracking Rachel’s romantic journey on The Bachelorette, and see what we can learn about love, loss, and the LSAT. Welcome to the Logical Rose-ning Section.
We pick up in the Bachelorette Man-sion, with our dudes still reeling from last week’s premiere episode. And so are we, frankly. I mean, so many mans, so many potential futures for Rachel. We get a little recap of the first night’s action with Chris Harrison. Other than the usual parade of squared-jawed white dudes with job titles that include some combination of the words “Consultant,” “Tech,” “Finance,” and “Senior,” we got a more diverse line-up of contestants with more interesting back stories than is typical for this show.
We got Josiah, who after a tragic childhood and a juvenile criminal conviction as a teenager, became a prosecutor at the very same district attorney’s office that once charged him with a crime. There’s Kenny, a father of a ten year-old girl and professional wrestler with the amazing stage name Pretty Boy Pitbull Kenny King. And then there’s Lucas … who says “Whaboom” a lot. Like so much. Anyone who watched this episode has definitely heard that exclamation enough times for a lifetime, so we’re not going to repeat that here again (also, he’s probably trademarked its use, and we don’t want any legal trouble here. Again, there are a bunch of attorney contestants this year, so we’re willing to guess that this is season is a little more litigious season than most). Also, Rachel was warned by a contestant from Nick’s season of The Bachelor that DeMario is not to be trusted, a warning that clearly had no meaning or implications for the following episode of television.
Anyway, Chris Harrison, still the nominal host of this program, shows up to see what these guys are thinking about Rachel. And these veritable Romeos drop romantic bon mots like, “You look at Rachel, and you’re just like, struck” and “She’s not only beautiful, but she walks … she smells so extreme … she smells so good.”
This is all a pretext to introduce the very first group date of this season. The contestant with the most extreme Richard Spencer haircut ever reads the cards of the contestants that will go on the very first, very normal date where eight guys vie for the attention of one girl during a highly structured activity set-up by producers. Richard Spence-hair reads off the names Dean, Jack Stone the law student, Jonathan, Blake, Iggy, the aforementioned Pretty Boy Pitbull Kenny King, Fred, and Whablam guy. The card reads, “I’m looking for husband material – Rachel.”
Onto the first group date! Rachel throws a barbecue with a sad portable grill and, like, two burgers. Realizing that there is no food to eat, Rachel and the guys decide to play a little touch football, with Rachel playing the quarterback position. Rachel runs an up-tempo spread office akin to Chip Kelly. Looks like she wants to be Marcus Married-ota (sorry).
During this, Whablooey annoys everyone with his Whablooey-ing. He especially annoys aspiring drummer boy Blake, who apparently knows something about this guys past. Drummer boy Blake looks like he is going to do something really dumb like confront Rachel about the guy. Which would actually play into WhamBamThankYouMa’am’s favor. The contestants who make it their sole mission to take down another contestant never go further than a two-on-one date on this show. Just ask Taylor from last season of The Bachelor. So while Blake is playing checkers, Wattaburger is playing … well definitely not chess. Maybe he’s also just playing checkers, but he’s slightly better at checkers.
After football, these guys are put to the task of seeing who is the “most husband material.” We are introduced to a competition hosted by none other than Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis. Kutcher is wearing a t-shirt with “Trophy Husband,” and they are described as “the most perfect couple in Hollywood.” Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson would like a word.
These guys are put into a relay race where they have to do dad tasks like change a diaper, strap on a Babybjörn, vacuum a carpet, de-clog a sink, and set a table. At each stage of the race, the contestant in last place will be eliminated. Kutcher describes the race as testing the contestants’ skills in “husbandry,” which doesn’t actually mean “the act of being a husband,” as Kutcher suggests. Unless crops and animals are your wife, I suppose.
Iggy, who is wearing a dope gold chain, is eliminated immediately, mostly for trying to care for the baby doll as if it were an actual sentient human being. He looks sad in the “dog house,” which is where they put the loser, not-fit-for-Rachel husbands. As these dummies are scrambling around treating the babies like a relay baton, I’m hoping Rachel pulls a King Solomon and gives the win to Iggy with the dope chain, for not treating the stand-in for their flesh and blood progeny like a maniac.
The race ends up as a two-man competition between Pretty Boy Pitbull Kenny King and Wham!Boom as the last two. Wampum is literally drowning the baby as he’s trying to de-clog the sink. As they’re sprinting to the end, Waikiki gives an illegal stiff arm to Pretty Boy Pitbull Kenny King, who, let’s reminds ourselves, is like twice the size of WaxOnWaxOff and is an honest-to-goodness professional wrestler (on an independent circuit, but still). Wahlberg, despite eventually winning the race, is not long for this world.
After the race, the contestants go to a creepy-looking vintage store in North Hollywood that looks the set of a B-52s video. Rachel is super not impressed by these dudes at this stage of the date. Wallabang reads a terrible poem. Fred, who was a child Rachel supervised at summer camp as a child, ties to convince her to stop seeing him as the bad little boy from summer camp. Maybe stop talking summer camp, dude. Jack Stone the law student has a v. creepy posture when talking to her, head cocked and leaned in, like a snake about to strike its prey. Rachel is, perhaps instinctively, repulsed. Iggy with the dope chain does not have a dope chain of questions, sweating profusely through questions like “So career-wise, what are the prospects?” Blake apparently used to live with Whack-a-Mole’s ex-girlfriend. Brings it up with Rachel. Rachel is literally ready to use a peremptory challenge to axe all of these guys, looks like she literally couldn’t care.
Somehow, Dean does the best. He was, as a reminder, the guy that said “I’m ready to go black, and never go back,” when introduced to Rachel. They go into depth on his use of this dated, problematic cliché. He gets the group date rose. Dean has a clean-cut white face, a slightly-past-its due-date haircut, a tasteful plaid button up, and will clearly say whatever the producers tell him to, as evidenced by his “go black” comment. He seems like a composite of every successful Bachelorette contestant ever. Until this is disconfirmed, I’m just going to assume he’s the first BachelorBot designed and manufactured by the producers for the inevitable event that the U.S. depletes its reserves of attractive, straight business consultants and software salesmen who are really into Crossfit and are eager to go on TV.
Meanwhile, Pretty Boy Pitbull Kenny King is awesome. In describing the bubbling feud between Blake and Whackadoodle, he gives a great definition of circular reasoning, and drops a little inside knowledge of some of Los Angeles’s worst tourist traps: “Listen, I’m a pro wrestler. I know all about white dudes acting crazy. But everybody is just talking around in circles. So if y’all want to get on the merry-go-round, take your ass to Santa Monica and get on the merry-go-round. You white dudes are kind of bugging right now.” Kenny, you’re great, but leave the explaining of logical fallacies to us, buddy. We don’t go into your workplace and tell you how to properly execute a diving double axe handle.
Afterwards, we have a kind of boring interlude with Rachel’s one-on-one date with Peter, who looks like a young Viggo Mortensen. Piggo Mortensen and Rachel, accompanied by Rachel’s dog Copper, take a private jet to Palm Springs. Copper is adorably wearing a cast on his front leg. They go to a Coachella pool party for dogs called Bark-fest. They discuss his parents’ impression of going on The Bachelorette, their gap teeth, and therapy. He gets the date rose, and will live to fight another Sentinel. They then watch fireworks with Copper, who is probably terrified.
Finally, we get to the second group date. The date card reads, simply, “Swish.” Will, Jamey, Diggy, Alex, Adam, Richard Spence-hair, Matt, Eric, Josiah, and DeMario. The show could have just been making up half of these people and I would have had no idea. They could have told me the second date was with Chet, Dirk, Hologram Chris Pine, D’Angelo from the “Brown Sugar” video, Tommy, and Deepak Chopra and I wouldn’t have batted an eye.
DeMario is the star of this date, which is set up with his quote, “You can either sink with the fishes, or swim to shore. We’re going to see who’s built Ford ToughTM.” DeMario. First of all, the date card says “Swish.” It literally could not be any more obvious you’re playing basketball. The only alternative date would be a group discussion of whether Kanye should have kept Swish as the title to The Life of Pablo and whether the original tracklist would have made for a more cohesive album. I don’t know where this water metaphor came from. Second, fishes don’t just sink. It’s not like they’re just born and then immediately drown and die and sink to the bottom of the ocean. That’s not how fishes work, DeMario. Third, a Ford truck would probably be very bad at swimming to shore, mostly because it is a vehicle made for land and has, as far we know, no person volition or autonomy. So that’s an inapt comparison.
The guys show up to play basketball in their best ath-leisure. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar shows up to teach them the Skyhook. Some of the guys are laughably bad at basketball. Some of the guys are better. There seems to be an inversely proportional relationship between height of hair and basketball skills with these guys. DeMario can dunk. He drunks on Rachel, very disrespectfully.
They then play a real game to a “packed house,” which apparently refers to a high school gymnasium mostly filled with extras they found on Craigslist. The producers take Chris Harrison out of his mothball-strewn box to introduce the teams. DeMario’s game is a little like Boogie Cousins. He takes over the second half of the game to lead his team to victory. A group date rose is all but assured But after the game, a girl named Lexi shows up, completely unexpectedly and unplanned by any producers, surely. Lexi informs Rachel that DeMario was still dating Lexi up until literally hours before DeMario showed up to meet Rachel on the show. Rachel goes straight into attorney-mode and holds a deposition with DeMario and Lexi. DeMario, acting on advice of counsel, denies pretty much everything, claiming that he hadn’t initiated any contact with Lexi. Lexi starts going off, addressing the camera and swearing on the graves of her father and the (future … we hope) graves of the kittens sleeping on her bed that DeMario is lying. Rachel, ever the attorney, looks at the evidence. She sees messages on Lexi’s phone indicating that DeMario was still trying to get it, and promptly dismisses him from the show. Case closed!
After the game, the remaining contestants go to Clifton’s Cafeteria in Downtown Los Angeles. They hang out next to a big tree. Rachel, shaken from the DeMario experience, calls DeMario a “dirty, dirty dog.” The editors smash cut to a taxidermied fox, which is like, close enough I guess? The guys on this group date, on the whole, are much smoother than the losers on the first. Both Josiah and Eric get some kissy face time in. Josiah snags the group date rose.
Somehow, after two hours after Bachelorette-ing, we barely even have time for the rose ceremony. During the cocktail party, Bryan the Chiropractor, Iggy with the dope chain, Jamey the Anonymous, and Summer Camp Fred are getting in some one-on-one time when DeMario arrives, wanting to speak to Rachel one last time. Chris Harrison, again de-mothballed, asks Rachel if she wants to talk to him. Rachel, wearing a dress that looks like it has literal armor on it, feels bulletproof enough to address him. All the other guys talk about wanting to kick DeMario’s ass. TO BE CONTINUED …
What we learned about love
To find love, it’s better to spout a mildly offensive cliché based on your beloved’s race than it is to have a massively annoying catchphrase that’s not based on anything. Also, a love of dogs helps.
What we learned about loss
If you’re going to dunk on your future wife, you probably shouldn’t have a current bae who is willing to show your text messages on national television.
What we learned about the LSAT
Not very much! A cursory Google search into what score Rachel got on her LSAT didn’t reveal much. We will report back details in this progressing story as they become available.
The Logical Rose-ning Section: Your Recap of The Bachelorette was originally published on LSAT Blog
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imagining tiny child romeo challenger waking up every morning to deliver newspapers so he can afford his own drums so that he can exceed his own expectations and become the drummer that he is today is the cutest thing ever
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trendingnewsb · 7 years
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6 Famous People Whose Origin Stories Are Dark Secrets
Nobody expects celebrities to actually be exactly the way they portray themselves publicly. Bruce Willis doesn’t go around killing terrorists every day (that probably happens, like, every other weekend). When you’re famous, it’s understood that you’ll have to bullshit a little and cultivate an image that appeals to your audience. But some do less cultivating and more top-to-bottom renovations. It’s always shocking when famous people turn out to be the complete opposite of what they’re famous for. And that’s the case with …
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Kid Rock Was Born Rich And Grew Up In A Huge-Ass Mansion
No “celebrity goes into politics” story will ever be weird again, but the announcement that Kid Rock might run for Senate still managed to turn a few heads. After all, his biggest claim to fame was supposedly spending a summer “trying different things … smoking funny things,” and based on his ability to rhyme “things” with “things,” he surely has no better than an eighth-grade education, right?
Rock wants us to think he’s some rough-and-tumble country boy, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. His childhood home in Macomb County, Michigan recently sold for nearly $1.3 million, which we’re reasonably sure would be enough to buy whole towns around there. It turns out that his dad owned two luxury car dealerships and made some not-insignificant amounts of money.
Romeo High School “Your little rec center shall make a great showroom for our Bentleys. Papa will be most pleased.”
Mr. and Mrs. Rock’s “four-bedroom, four-bath, neo-Georgian colonial house” is over 5,000 square feet, has an indoor Jacuzzi, amenities out the wazoo, and the property itself contains an apple orchard. Rock has tried to flaunt his down-home country style and use it to smear politicians as “out of touch.” That doesn’t have the same gravity now that we know his past.
Adam Serwer/Twitter That’s a sad burger for so many reasons.
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Rapper Rick Ross Was A Prison Guard
Florida rapper Rick Ross is best known for his songs about nonstop hustling and pushing it to the limit (“it” being all of the drugs). Hell, he got his name from a drug kingpin. That’s why it was kind of a shocker when it came out that Ross was a corrections officer (read: prison guard) prior to getting into the rap game.
After the story broke about his previous life of literally the opposite of crime, Ross originally denied it, but somehow the media managed to get ahold of pay stubs that proved it. For about two years in the mid-’90s, he worked as a CO in Florida. Granted, that makes him more of a badass than being a CO in, say, Terre Haute, Indiana, but it didn’t help his street cred any.
Florida Department of Corrections, Maybach Music Group His earliest songs were about how much he hated that Urkel kid who kept visiting his house.
Even 50 Cent took a jab at Ross in a rap to point out how dumb it was for Rozay to keep acting like he was something he wasn’t. After all, if you’re only learning about smuggling drugs and weapons from someone else’s case file instead of doing it yourself, can you sincerely say your raps come from the heart?
Probably thanks to some magical PR whiz, Ross finally owned up to his past. Rather than dismiss his old job as some kind of phase, he managed to call it a “hustle” in its own right. (We’re beginning to think that absolutely anything can be a hustle as long as one declares it so.)
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Ron Jeremy Was A Special Education Teacher
Lots of people watch porn — about 67 percent of you are only reading this while you wait for some to load. Even the “casual” viewer can probably name a fair number of lady porn stars, but for some reason, about the only male porn actor most people can identify is Ron Jeremy. He’s been the mustachioed face of videotaped boning for decades, but believe it or not, that wasn’t really his Plan A.
On an episode of Judge Pirro, Jeremy admitted that his background was in theater, and that he’d gone on to get a master’s degree in special education. As in working with disabled kids.
Jeremy is happy to talk about his educator past, and always considered his teaching degree his fallback option, or “ace in the hole” (that’s probably not the only thing he’s called that). He majored in theater in college, and much like theater majors of today, he went and tacked on an education degree “just in case.”
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One time, Jeremy and a friend (the school psychologist) picked up a couple of women and brought them back to what they claimed was their “hotel,” which was in truth the school for developmentally challenged kids where they worked. The building used to be a hotel, so they didn’t lie, precisely, but that’s the kind of thing you’d expect from the future star of Ebony Humpers 2. They also told the ladies that they were going to a convention for doctors, which was pure bullshit. In the morning, Jeremy and his friend brought the women up to the “hotel restaurant,” cleverly disguised as a goddamned school cafeteria. (The kids there were reportedly quite thrilled to meet them.)
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The “Blue Collar” Comedy Tour Is Pretty Well-Educated
The Blue Collar Comedy Tour is a group of comedians who joined forces when they realized they were essentially using the same shtick, so why not put on a show together? And put on a show they did, because as far as Larry the Cable Guy and Jeff Foxworthy go, their entire careers are an act.
Most people are probably smart enough to assume that Larry the Cable Guy is not in fact named Larry the Cable Guy. What fewer people know is that he’s as far from “Southern” as it gets. He’s originally from Nebraska, which is definitely rural, but not “The hell kind of accent you got there, boy?” rural. The closest he got was that attending Baptist University in Decatur, Georgia (to major in drama and speech), but even so, that means he went to Georgia to go to college. That’s like your friend who studied abroad in Ireland coming back to America with a Cockney accent.
Seriously, watch him duck in and out of his “Southern” accent. It’s creepy:
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Foxworthy, at least, is a native Georgian. His accent is real. But asking him to host Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader was an interesting choice, because he almost certainly is — dude went to Georgia Tech.
Granted, he didn’t graduate, but that’s in part because he landed a job working for his father at IBM in mainframe computer maintenance. Foxworthy, for his part, has tried to downplay it. There’s an obvious dichotomy between “college-educated computer guy” and “redneck” in our culture, but Jeff thinks there’s a bit more nuance than that:
“Here’s the problem that the media makes: They tend to think if you gave rednecks a billion dollars they wouldn’t be rednecks anymore. Look at Elvis — he put carpet on the ceiling. We wouldn’t wear Armani suits, we would just go to every NASCAR race.”
Someone should maybe tell him that Armani makes rather comfortable sweatpants.
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Only One Of The Beach Boys Could Surf
Surfing isn’t merely a fun beach activity — it’s a lifestyle, brah. As soon as people discovered they could ride waves, it became a culture in itself. Nobody embodied that culture in the 1960s better than the Beach Boys, with their songs about the beach, fast cars, psychedelic farm animals, and then the beach again. They knew everything there was to know about taming the wild waves and impressing those California girls with their surf moves. Right? Right?
Well, no. Only one of them could surf.
Dennis Wilson, the drummer, was the only band member who knew the correct end of a surfboard. In 1961, he told fellow Beach Boys Brian Wilson and Mike Love, “Hey, surfing’s getting really big. You guys ought to write a song about it.” And then more songs about it …
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… and then a couple of albums about it …
… and then an entire career about it. Had Dennis picked another random hobby, today they’d be known as the Model Train Building Boys. The band basically owes their success to Dennis’ suggestion. Although he also introduced them to his buddy Charles Manson, so not all of his ideas were so good.
Sadly, Dennis passed away in the very California ocean he loved after falling off a boat at age 39. His legacy lives on in every pastel-colored surf shack up and down the Pacific coast, and in the hearts of every Los Angeles tourist who tries surfing with a Groupon on a Saturday afternoon.
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Neocon Poster Boy Milo Yiannopoulos Was (And Probably Still Is) A Total Dweeb
Milo Yiannopoulos is … no, not the main character from Disney’s Atlantis: The Lost Empire. He’s this guy:
You may know him as the firebrand Breitbart editor whose swagger lets him get away with spouting fascist rhetoric for a little too long, turning thousands of confused young men into his personal fan club and helping push them closer to all-out xenophobia. Yiannopoulos has been known to flirt with Nazi ideas and imagery, and — despite straight-up asking white supremacists for snazzy new Breitbart story angles — it’s all OK! He’s only “trolling.” When he talks about the evils of immigration or how trans people don’t deserve basic dignity, he’s not repeating the same backwards bullshit your grandpa used to complain about on the dinner table; he’s writing genius political satire, you see. Truly, a Voltaire for the age of Twitter. (Or Facebook, since Twitter banned his ass.)
But before all this, Yiannopoulos got his start as a rather inept and awkward tech writer for a bunch of websites, including Breitbart, and he looked like this:
That’s Yiannopoulos showing off his dorky, possibly Nazi ring, and presumably posing for his MySpace photo. Wonder what that profile would’ve entailed? Maybe something about how he likes to write poetry (read: plagiarize Tori Amos lyrics) for fun? Perhaps something further about how video game fans are losers and psychopaths, despite using that whole ridiculous #Gamergate saga to further his career? Months before “freedom of speech” became his battle cry and the excuse for his particular brand of outrageous dickishness, Yiannopoulos wrote a whole Breitbart column about how those goshdarn video games (which are enjoyed by “unemployed saddos living in their parents’ basements”) were probably to blame for the Elliot Rodger murders, and someone ought to do something about them.
How did he evolve his writing style from “angry letter writer at your local newspaper” to “edgiest shitlord on the internet”? He didn’t. His current work is largely ghost-written and researched by people he actively works to maintain uncredited and anonymous, because if he doesn’t get all the fame and attention, then what even is the point? Yiannopoulos is barely a person; he’s a crappy Halloween mask precariously placed on top of a heap of regressive ideas society had already flushed down the toilet. By the way, it was an unassuming teenage journalist from Canada who put the brakes on Yiannopoulos’ rising star by digging up his pro-pedophilia comments from 2016. (If it wasn’t for that, he’d probably have his own show on Fox News by now.) We’re sure it wasn’t the Universe’s intention to violently punish him in the most ironic way possible — it was just a prank, bro.
Isaac feels like a fraud pretty much every day. Follow him on Twitter.
Feel like Kid Rock has betrayed you? Don’t go cold turkey, instead try a KICK ROCKS shirt as a way to cope with the pain.
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Check out Robert Evans’ A Brief History of Vice: How Bad Behavior Built Civilization, a celebration of the brave, drunken pioneers who built our civilization one seemingly bad decision at a time.
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