#i want more and longer drum scenes

[lock-my-feelings-in-a-jar]

[satoruhour]

HE PLAYS BASS !

a/n: modern au bc i cant handle any angst rn. i ramble a lot in this to set the scene teehee. not beta read, gn btw / tagging @crysugu @slttygeto @getousex :3

wc: 3k ish

warnings: bass guitarist!geto, soft dom!geto, he is respectful of your boundaries, both geto and reader smoke weed, shotgun kiss, sexual acts under the influence, fingering, clit stimulation, implied second round, implied cunnilingus, dry humping, praise, n*sfw under the cut

bass guitarist!geto who has had an interest in music and its instruments since being a little boy, practically begging his parents to enrol him in some guitar classes. with fingers strumming the nylon strings alongside complicated chords on the frets felt so right that since then he and his guitar have been inseparable since.

bass guitarist!geto who gets to know the guitar so well that he masters guitar solo after guitar solo, playing songs by ear in his free time and thought lead guitar was all there was to music until the age of fifteen where he stumbles across a song with a bass line that sounded absolutely heavenly — through the 240p quality of the youtube video, he watched the bassist dish out the heavy beats, always in the background yet detrimental to making the band sound complete.

bass guitarist!geto who leaped at the opportunity to buy a bass guitar with whatever money he had to purchase a Squier bass — it was a little shitty in sound but it was cheap, something affordable for a middle schooler. suguru didn’t care. he perfected the use of his bass guitar, already having the basics down from playing guitar; his room is filled with posters, picks, pieces of displaced lyrics.

bass guitarist!geto only has the chance two years later to ask his new friends if they wanted to jam out together and down the line, if they wanted to form a band. it was a clueless band of boys (with shoko of course) in some room of gojo satoru’s luxury house where his parents don’t care to ask him to keep the noise down like suguru’s parents do.

bass guitarist!geto fights to get a spot to audition for one of tokyo’s biggest music festivals a few months later. if they won they would get more recognition, more support, even if they haven’t figured out the specifics of how to operate a band. with gojo as the singer, shoko on the lead and nanami on drums, they would find out what they had.

bass guitarist!geto who breaks that stereotype of the bassist being ignored throughout a performance. he thinks it could be because of his longer hair and his newly bought gauges, and he thought he didn’t look too shabby himself — although he isn’t surprised to see most of the girls fawn over gojo as he sang lyrics of an original song, courtesy of the joint effort between geto and shoko.

bass guitarist!geto who gives judges the finger after they said they couldn’t perform originals at an audition, blacklisting them for future performances — but gojo sees it as a win when he has a hoard of new fans waiting outside to get a photo with him with autographs that differed from each paper his pen made contact with. later, he bursts out laughing when gojo says he hadn’t even thought of a proper signature yet and just ‘did whatever on their paper’.

bass guitarist!geto whose band gained popularity fast because of everyone’s good looks, singing at that same place they auditioned at, but now with repertoire under their belt. it’s then that they’re already all in university, and yet everyone’s still incredibly passionate.

bass guitarist!geto who spots you in the crowd together with your friends, jamming out to their set, but while your friends’ eyes are locked on gojo who’s loving the attention, nanami who can’t give a shit and shoko who’s too focused on her solo, you manage to draw geto’s eyes to you. he spends the rest of the set locking eyes with you, amidst other things like sending you winks and licking his lips until you’re under his spell. all throughout he doesn’t lose the rhythm, but he does slip-up from time to time and there’s a panicked look that nanami sends to geto for messing up his rhythm.

bass guitarist!geto who sees you at his next show alone, smiling up at him right at the front row while he’s trying not to mess up after the last time. this time he has a chance to show you what he’s got in a bass solo, losing himself in the music until even you fades off and you’re truly seeing the bassist for who he is. he’s easing back into the main melody of the song but not before leaning over the speakers with a knee on the floor, hovering right over you before shoko takes over and he’s back to his heavy beats.

bass guitarist!geto who brushes off the teasing after the set ends, only to be bombarded with more of it when he sees you on campus — no way you’re in the same school as him, walking around with your cute outfits and laughing along to your friend’s joke with no care in the world.

bass guitarist!geto who doesn’t have much trouble charming you into hanging out with him, already recognising him from far away when he’s got his long flowy hair and gauges and tight black shirt and tall stature — you aren’t realising he’s asking you if it’ll be okay for you to head over to his dorm room. you’re getting pushed by your friends behind you to say yes with giggles and gossip, and of course you weren’t going to reject the hot guy you missed class and ditched friends for.

bass guitarist!geto who shows you his room and tells you to let him know if he’s made you uncomfortable in any way. in the background, there’s a faded, soft song that continues to play that really completes the dorm, immediately hitting it off until he starts to roll a joint a while later, offering it to you with a raise of his eyebrow.

“oh— n-no it’s fine, geto-san, i don’t really smoke…” you sheepishly turn down the weed, settling instead to watch him and his beautiful side profile, letting him explain to you about bands and guitar and chords.

“thank you for having me, geto-san,” bowing, you’re nothing like the person in the bar that day, geto thinks it’s the lack of alcohol but he doesn’t mind, simply leaning on the doorframe as he nods down at you. his smile is intoxicating and so goddamn attractive you would’ve buckled to your knees if not for the deep breaths you were taking.

“next time, pretty?” geto smiles, a little high from smoking. his eyes are lidded (they usually are anyway) and smile lopsided. his hair’s almost out of the bun.

“yeah, next time,” it sounded so breathy, you bit your lip. “i guess you’d have to find me on campus, though.”

bass guitarist!geto who mutters how you’re a little tease to himself later when he closes the door. he swears to himself he’d get your number next time, but it’s not difficult to find you the next time, hanging around the same place at the same time. it’s like you wanted him to find you — he’s not opposed to it. it’s a few weeks down the road now, and the second time is watching him curiously as he smokes, too. you take a hit and embarrass yourself completely in front of him though, and while you’re fighting for your life, you’re not opposed to the buzz it gives you.

bass guitarist!geto who’s opening the door to you the next time, surprised to see your dishevelled state and a pillow between your arms, walking almost a block like this to the next building where his dorm was. he offers to make you some tea and you shake your head, feeling a pounding headache already coming on just from explaining that your roommate was an asshole.

“you can sleep here if you want to, okay?” you sigh, thanking him immensely because even after knowing him for such a short period of time, you’re comforted by his presence.

“at least satoru’s not here,” you laugh at that, nodding tiredly before you’re settling on gojo’s bed after insistence from the other. he wouldn’t care, he’s always going back home anyway, don’t know why he wanted to share a room with me. but before you can get settled in, you hear the familiar crinkling of the paper and the click of the lighter and the smell of weed fills the room again.

again, his hand is outstretched, holding an ashtray below him as the tip of joint glows a red, calling out to you yet reminding you of the way you coughed the other night.

you crawl off his roommate’s bed, snatching the cig out of his hand in a way to prove something to yourself before taking a big puff. this time you’re better, letting the drug flow through your system, but tolerance is another thing, because it only takes another hit for you to be smiling drowsily at the other while geto is a little high, too, eyes rolling to the back of his head when your hand traces over his arms and you giggle.

“you w’nna kiss?” geto asks quietly, a little soberly, having talked late into the night while you hang off his arm and slur your words. but now you know you’re feeling a little more sensible when you can feel your heart pound and your eyes widen despite their need to close.

“i meant it, doll. you’re fuckin’ stunning,” suguru mumbles, the coldness of his rings sending a chill down your body, but also a spark to your core, “you look exactly like the day i discovered bass.” and it’s like cupid fully shoots his arrow through your heart — because have you heard the man play? you’re speechless at his point, only mustering a nod before you’re leaning in.

he hums drunkenly as a way to ask you to wait a min, manoeuvring you onto his lap before he’s taking the almost vanishing joint into his hands. two more puffs are perfect for the cigarette to be discarded and so with a gentle hand, he holds onto your nape while he tries not to get hard from having you on his lap. slowly, your lips wrap around the other end of the joint, taking in another influx of the drug before he does too.

bass guitarist!geto who pulls you towards his lips a little roughly but he doesn’t give you what you want (what he has in mind is much, much better), rather leaving his lips ajar as he exhales the smoke from his mouth into yours, your own smoke already dissipating. weirdly, this burn is more prominent, probably because all you can focus on are suguru’s dazed eyes and the way they burn through your skull. you inhale the smoke before you feel his soft lips on yours.

geto hums into your lips, coming off of them periodically to allow the smoke to disperse, but the moment is so intimate and hot that you blow away the smoke and lunge forward to wrap your arms around his neck.

“no more pullin’ away, geto-san…” you’re trailing off, words messily whispered against his lips and you burn at the chuckle he sounds out, muttering back a question of consent. you’re nodding, reeling at the speed at which he places his hands on your thighs, dragging you further up his front until you rested on his pelvis.

“kissing me like you can’t breathe and you’re still calling me by my last name? i’m wounded.” geto pulls away and defies your rule — you think he’s the only one who can do that. pouting, suguru pushes away the hair enclosing your face. “c’mon, drink, sober up a little.”

“...i like it like this,” you murmur, ashamed as to how readily you leaned into his touch. his stare is piercing though, not budging until you’re gulping down half the cup.

“throats turn dry when we smoke, princess. we can do it more when you’re more used to it, alright?” geto explains, patting your thigh and ignoring the tensing of them around his own. he’s trying so hard to act nonchalant, but he can’t get the image of you parting your lips for the smoke out of his head. the way your eyes flutter close, how you wanted more of him.

“alright… suguru,” you sigh out the name and geto wishes he could hear it somewhere else, “but can we—” the high is getting to you, making your hormones go into a frenzy and you’re grinding on his lap. geto hisses at the feeling, of your cunt brushing against his bulge. your hips are inexperienced, but you’re going by feel, drawing little circles and moving back and forth; whatever that brings you pleasure.

“baby— f-fuck…” geto swears when you pair it with the lips tha kiss down his cheek and jaw and neck, hands on your hips guiding you as you try to chase your high. but a whine from you draws geto out of his daze and he almost cums hearing your needy voice, begging him for something, anything.

“’m tired, suguru,”

he knows, grinding is a tiring thing, so rather he opts for you to lie on him with your back to his chest. by now, the room’s filled with the smell of weed and arousal, asking once again if he could take off your pyjama shorts. geto smiles at the lack of underwear but he says nothing, eyes latched onto the strings of juices that connect your pussy to the shorts.

“my baby ready to be touched?” he feels you nod, loving the way your stomach contracts and expands at the hand that travels over your clothed tits. there, he squeezes them, rubbing fingers over the hardened nub but soon creeps towards your centre. his hand and fingers are so much larger than yours, covering your whole core easily when he cups it and the contact is enough to make you mewl.

“hurry,” your hips hump the air.

“patience, darling,” geto’s gravelly voice cuts through to your ear before he finally draws languid circles upon your clit, rubbing and pressing on your bundle of nerves. his whole body burns from seeing you react so cutely, all cause your eyes couldn’t leave his on that stage. now your eyes were rolling up and over, little moans leaving your lips just from his hands.

bass guitarist!geto who seems to know all your pleasure points in one night, kissing the spot under your ear, to talking you through your orgasm. you were enamoured by the guitarist that you’d let him do anything to you, obsessed with the way he never missed questions of “is this okay?” and “tell me to stop”. geto is just as besotted by you, the arch of your back, the call of his name. god, he was going to write so many songs about you.

“think you can handle a finger, baby?” suguru whispers, caressing your twitching thighs from your first orgasm. with a shaky “yes”, geto plays with your hole, smearing your juices around your sex and getting it all on your thighs. the bashful suguruuu! has him laughing, taking your lips into another kiss as an apology.

“sorry, sweetheart. love teasin’ ya,” muffled words are said, “goin’ in.”

your jaw drops even more when geto first inserts a finger, so much wider and longer that a long moan escapes you. the stretch is so good, everything you’ve ever imagined after watching his fingers travel over the bass strings, and you’re already asking for a second finger. when he does oblige, your hands fly to grab at his wrist.

“feel good?” he chuckles at your lack of an answer, rather responding by clenching around his fingers and leaning back more into his hold. geto sets a pace, thrusting his fingers in and out of you. he thinks it’s enough of staring at you and almost gets whiplash when his head turns to his hand — from the way he disappears into your dripping cunt, he thinks he’ll cum untouched, although your desperate hips also would play a part.

“feel s’good, suguru— shit…” geto groans lowly into your ear when he feels your hand replicating the circles he’s made on your clit, juices starting to collect in his palm from how wet you were.

“you keep clenchin’ around me, baby, you w’nna cum?”

your body is more vocal than your voice, twisting and thrashing from how his fingers already feel so good. the haze and the smell of geto suguru and the weed in your system is all overloading on you at the moment, but in between you’re able to nod, fingers rubbing at your clit while geto’s speed picks up a little.

your legs naturally spread, each slap of his palm against your pussy paired with the lewd noises only making the whole thing better. it’s not long before you feel that familiar feeling, using your right hand to direct him to you once more and it’s here you see the man you saw on stage before: focused, flushed, small smirk on his face. “gonna cum.”

“yeah? are you?” geto asks against your lips, still tasting the faint aroma of the joint. your eyes are so heavy and your limbs feel like lead; it’s a wonder how both your hands are moving on your soaking wet pussy.

“yeah, sugu, s’sensitive—!” geto coos softly at your whimpers before capturing your lips, swiping his tongue over your bottom lip and your orgasm comes crashing down on you. suguru effectively swallows your moans, groaning on his own end when he can feel your cum running down his hand. slowly, he lets you ride through your orgasm, pressing pecks on your skin and shoulders.

“attagirl. so much cum, hm?” your chest is heaving, whining when he removes his fingers and there’s a cute little squelch from the juices, gasping softly as geto separates his fingers and there’s strings connecting his middle to ring finger. “dirty girl.”

you scoff softly with a smile, eyes following how his fingers make his way into his mouth. the other only hums before carrying you bridal style to the shower with a sweet smile on his face. geto suguru was certain he’d worship you.

“gotta taste that cute little pussy next time.”

[meanbossart]

You might’ve answered this before, if so my apologizes, but did Astarion approach Drow to ask if he could bite him during act 1, or was it a spur of the moment thing during sex when drow just decided that he wanted to be bitten during act 2? (I remember something about Astarion shot him down during the tiefling party originally, so I assume it was during act 2 they started getting intimate?)

Oh Astarion tried to bite him almost immediately after they started having sex, which was at the end of Act 1 while they were somewhere in the underdark, or the forge (I remember that because I recall having a laugh about how they supposedly had to go all the way back up to the surface to bang, since the animation just showed a normal forest LOL)

It seems that by now, they have patched the game so that if Astarion tells you about his vampirism during normal dialogue you will no longer get the bite scene to trigger, but back then that wasn't the case. He first told me he was a vampire and then tried to bite me at a later long-rest. The way I choose to interpret that, is that DU drow would have taken it a lot more amicably than the game implies through cutscene since 1) he was already aware of Astarion's condition and 2) He had already made the decision to humor Astarion's advances, which kind of encompasses this whole situation.

I got to thinking about how that scene went and ended up writing a short thing for it 🤷enjoy!

-

You jolt from a light sleep like you’ve fallen down from an immeasurable height, feeling the thumping of your heart in the drums of your ears first thing before the distant, wailing choirs that resonate through the Underdark drown out the beating. You can’t immediately recall your dreams, going from complete silence and blackness back to this. You hear the scraping of rocks miles away with the same clarity with which you hear the wet slap of lips closing, Astarion looms over you like a hunched gargoyle, close enough that you can make out every dry pore and blue vessel scrawling away from his under eyes with the utmost clarity - he looks specially sickly, with the icy glow of the fauna around you reflecting off his pale complexion.

“What are you doing?” And as soon as you ask, he pulls away like a house-pet on the other end of reprimand.

He falters for a moment and no longer, there’s a glimmer of fear crossing his rounding eyes - before they relax back into sultry slits. The expression is not befitting of his posture, spine curves like a creature in the prowl. “Just looking for some comfort.” He reassures you. “I had a terribly scary dream.”

You saw the flash of his canines before his jaw clamped shut. He’s lying, and he knows that you know. “Were you about to bite me?”

You are curious more than you are chiding. Your heart rate has dropped, you feel it quieting down underneath your palms as they rest over your chest - still lying flat on your bedroll, looking up at the waxy elf with your neck crooked to one side. You see no reason to stand.

There’s a hesitance before he crawls a little closer, fingers brushing through the moss as his voice drops to an alluring whisper, the control he has over his voice is absent in the rest of his presentation. “Would you like that?”

A laughable assumption to make of most, but he had seen sides of you that have made him wonder. Even if he’s mistaken, it’s worth trying to convince you that it was your idea all along.

You had toyed with the thought, but you like toying with him more. “Why would I?”

Astarion scoffs over his shoulder, coming to cozy up by your hip with a practiced posture much more dignified than his awkward lurch - the cold leather of his trousers press into your naked side, his hand hovers over you and plants itself down by your ear - head hanging uncomfortably close. He can’t see into mirrors, he doesn’t know how bad he looks. “Because you can’t get enough of me.” half assertion, half plead. “This might be the closest we get to a little salacious fun, given our circumstances.”

“Is that all?”

“Of course it isn’t. I’m also hungry.” He playfully dabs a fingertip to your chin. “But I’m hungry for you, in particular.”

“Sick of taste of pig’s blood?”

“To death.” hisses, his smile tenses  into a snarl “I’ve seen you fight. You leak like you’re never going to run out.”

“If I let you, iIs that going to wipe that demented look off your face?��

He harps out a laugh, a little too loud - you hear one of your companions take in a sharp inhale before settling. Both your glances stray off to your sides before locking onto one another again, Astarion’s pupils swallowing the reds of his irises.. “Yes.”

“What a shame.”

A forced grin, more like a grimace. He’s almost too weak to keep up his own ruse. “Just say no and I’ll be off.” He’s telling you to stop wasting his time. You pull yourself up onto your elbows and he retracts away an appropriate amount, though hands remain nailed to the sides of you, imprisoning you between his arms.

He could jump your throat so easily from there, clamp down and refuse to let go until you’re splashing around red puddles like a dying fish in an oil spill. You fantasise about jamming your thumbs into his eyes and trying to pry him off by the sockets of the skull, feeling a fawn as it kicks and flails helplessly at the ribs of a cougar. How would you sound, whimpering with a crushed windpipe?

The thought arouses you, but it's different from that rising singe in your pelvis whenever burying a blade into the livers of screaming men - it’s a comforting warmth in your stomach that makes you loose, makes you malleable. He reads your silence as reluctance, not just the wanderings of a mad-man. He grows desperate.

“All I need is a little blood.”

You immediately feel him recoil.

“Please.”

A high contrast to your reveries, you realise that you don’t like him like this: begging. “Take it, then.”

He stiffens. Waiting for you to quality, recant, regret. But all you do is stare on unblinking while a chill travels up your back. His face tightens and a hand reaches up to bury itself in the limp locks of your hair, shoulders leaning forward before his face latches itself onto your neck with a crunch and a snap. You slam back down onto the floor as Astarion wraps around you like a snake.

-

[scar-crossedlvrs]

All hail ID! Leon!!! I’m wondering how he would reacts when his Reader! young gf got kidnapped or been taken as hostage. Let’s just say maybe she got at the wrong place wrong time? Chris and Leon partnered up to save her 🫢 (I don’t want Leon go thru this alone, he got enough shit already tbh)

(I don’t know if you’re gonna write this up or not but whatever it is, stay safe and take care of yourself gorl 🩵)

Leon S Kennedy - Help Me

ID!Leon is my favorite Leon no questions about it. I have this headcanon that ID!Leon is the one with the most confidence in his skills & second most optimistic Leon era just due to his successes ( saving ashley and the ‘dozens of successful missions’ that shen mei references ). Anyway, watch me rip that all away in one fell swoop.

cw for : f!reader, kidnapping, swearing, blood mention, implied age gap (up to you tbh), reckless driving, chris redfield, it’s mostly just a mess of angst and anger.

gentle reminder that all of my works sfw or not are intended for 18+ audiences.

The inbox is open for requests.

How many times had he told you to lock the goddamned doors?

Fingers drum against the steering wheel as he weaves in and out of traffic. His phone trilled in his ear as he drove and the longer it rang, the more his gut bubbled with anxiety.

“Pick up the fucking phone Redfield.”

The scene was still vivid in his mind. Your front door slightly ajar as he pulled up to your house. Leon had immediately been put on edge by this. The overwhelming feeling of panic however, didn’t set in until he noticed the bright red smear across the white painted wood.

Inside the house wasn’t much better, turned over from top to bottom. Every single one of your meticulously placed photos and knickknacks were strewn smashed on the floor, broken glass, plastic and porcelain everywhere. All decorated with a spattering of red. The same scene played out in each and every one of the rooms. It didn't seem to be a run of the mill robbery though. Nothing of value was missing, nothing besides you.

The worst part was the way your phone went to voicemail every single time he called.

“Hello?”

Leon’s torn from his thoughts at the sound of the voice on the other end of the phone. Chris Redfield.

“Answer the phone any slower?” he’s snappy, frustrated, scared.

It must have been obvious, with the way the concern laced into Chris’s words. “Leon? Is something wrong?”

“She’s gone, Chris. The house is a mess and her phone just goes straight to voicemail. Someone was there, and I think they took her.”

The word vomit just spews from his lips as he switches lanes again, white-knuckling the steering wheel as icy eyes dart around. He’s not sure where he’s going, what he’s looking for. He’s not sure of anything anymore.

Had he gotten too cocky, too lax in his security? Everything had been going so well since Ashley. He had been saving people. What the fuck went wrong? Fuck, he should have pressed the issue harder when he asked you to move in with him. At least there he could have kept a better eye on you, kept you safe. This wouldn’t have happened.

Leon was spiraling.

“Are you still with me, Kennedy?” Chris’s voice broke through the haze again.

"Yeah." Barely.

"You sure she was at home? She's probably just not answering your calls."

Chris didn't know you, didn't know that you didn't just ignore phone calls, especially not his calls. You weren't just ignoring him.

"I wouldn't have called you if I thought she was just ignoring my calls. The place was torn up Redfield. Whoever it was, was looking for something. There was blood fucking everywhere." His words came out more aggressive than intended.

They had to, he needed to get his point across.

“Okay, yeah that’s bad. But I can’t just get clearance to do anything..”

“I’m not asking you to deploy the BSAA. I’m asking you to help me” Leon cut him off.

The silence that hangs makes him regret calling Chris. Had he made a call to the wrong Redfield? He should have just called Claire. She wouldn’t have hesitated so much, wouldn’t have wasted so much time. That was if she even picked up the phone.

Either way, for once, he couldn’t do this on his own. Not like this.

"Go home. I'll meet you there. We'll figure this out okay? Don't do anything stupid Leon."

"Yeah."

---

Your head is aching, forehead damp with sweat or blood ( you're not sure which ), feet sore and bloodied from stumbling through the shattered glass on your living room floor. Eyes are covered with a thick blindfold, and the room is dark and quiet.

All alone with your thoughts. Thoughts of how you ended up here. How you had been so distracted, unable to notice the men coming in through the unlocked front door. One snatching you up as the other set out to look for something, smashing everything in his path. Your screams fell on deaf ears, feet being dragged through the mess on the floor as you struggled to break free.

Until a sharp pain to the back of the head forced you into unconsciousness.

There's the sound of shuffling, metal clinking, and there's something pressed to your ear. A phone? There's a few moments of trilling rings before a voice answers with a panicked "Hello?"

"Leon?"

Your voice is hoarse from the screaming earlier, and tears sting at your eyes.

"Baby where are you?" You've never heard him sound like this, scared.

"I don't know, Lee. Help me. I don't know where I am. It's dark and I'm scared."

Before he can respond, the phone is pulled from your ear. The scream ripped from your throat as his voice was cut off by the phone being hung up. A sharp laugh caused a shiver to course through you as you struggled against your bindings.

"Think that got his attention, hm princess?"

________________________________________________

uh i don't know where I was going to go with this, meaning cliffhanger!!! one person says they want more & i'll plan out more <3

[pippin-katz]

Alright, I have mostly restrained myself, but I cannot stay quiet any longer. There is a question that has been eating at me...

Whose fucking idea was it to have Henry (Nicholas) constantly grabbing Alex's (Taylor's) hair?!

Note: I'm adding this in after finishing writing this because this was supposed to be a relatively short post, and then it spiraled out of control, so if you want to listen to me gradually lose my sanity over this question, feel free to keep reading, cause it is admittedly funny lmfao

Another Note: This is me being overly sarcastic and hyper cause it’s funny for me to think about that situation. This is supposed to be a funny post. I said that at the end, but I’m adding it here too.

Listen, remember what they said about the intimate scenes: they were planned down to every detail. Remember what Nicholas said about having conversations with Taylor, Matthew, and Robbie about boundaries, what was okay, and not okay. Remember that they have A LINE IN THE FILM ABOUT HENRY GRABBING HIS HAIR (iconic).

Do you see it? Do you see where this is going?

The hair pulling/grabbing is not random. It doesn't happen in just the New Year's kiss to set up a funny line later.

It happens all the time.

Even in soft moments, Henry has a hand in his hair.

The hair grabbing gets its own shot in their love-making scene.

Consistent small actions (twisting a ring, biting nails, drumming with fingers, etc.) are character habits. They're things that they do all the time, subconsciously or for a decisive reason, usually if you know that action causes a specific response that you want for any reason.

There's a coworker that drives you crazy, so you purposefully hum really loudly whenever they're in the room to piss them off. Your friend has a sensitivity to the color red, so on days you know you're going to see them, you avoid wearing it. Your partner has muscle cramps, so you massage their shoulders whenever you're standing behind them.

These habits usually start as conscious decisions, then gradually become subconscious, hence the term "habit". You've been doing something for so long or for frequently enough that you do it while on "autopilot".

I think it's pretty obvious why this action happens. It's because A: Henry likes feeling of his hair, and/or B: Alex likes when someone touches his hair. Note: This could be in any context, not just sexual; running fingers through it, washing it, styling it, etc.

Either you figured out what I am going to say, and you're wondering why I'm blabbering on so much, or you're just confused about where I'm going with this at all, so here's where it all clicks together.

When you have a character, habits are something you give them to give them more personality, more insight into their mentality through subtle things they do. It's something the director/writer/actor chooses to give to the character.

BUT - nothing in the intimacy scenes happen without being discussed and agreed upon.

This isn't like Nicholas fidgeting with the signet ring to show Henry's nerves. This isn't like Taylor frequently making little hand gestures (peace signs, finger guns, tapping the side of his glass, etc.) because Alex has undiagnosed ADHD and that's one way to physically imply it.

They can do those things without being told or given "permission" because it's their portrayal of the character, it doesn't effect anyone else, and small details like that are typically up to the actors, unless the director is incredibly strict.

BUT - AGAIN WITH FEELING - NOTHING IN THE INTIMACY SCENES HAPPEN WITHOUT BEING DISCUSSED AND AGREED UPON.

That means that someone, one of the four of them, brought up grabbing his hair as a suggestion, and further more, Taylor (and Nick, but obviously Taylor's consent is more important in this specific case) was fine with it.

Think about it. Think about them sitting around a table discussing the kinds of stuff that Matthew and Robbie would want to see, and what Nick and Taylor would be okay with. Think about the fact that one of them was sitting there, and looked at the other three, and said: "What if Henry grabs Alex's hair a lot?"

And then the four of them had to sit there, and talk, in depth, about what that would mean.

*inhale*

Who... the fuck... said it?

WHO SAID IT?!

Did Matthew and Robbie present it as part of the initial planning?? Or did one of them look Taylor and Nick in the eye and say it?? Did Nick throw it out there as something he thought Henry would do?? Was it Taylor??? Since it's his hair???

Cause it's not just like, running Nick running his fingers through it, combing it during some tender moment, like when Alex talks about his father being an immigrant.

HE FUCKING GRABS IT.

What the fuck were these conversations like?! I cannot think of a single way to have that conversation where someone wouldn't have to say something that would make me make me go UHHH-

What? So - Matthew's like "how do you guys feel about touching each other's hair?" -and they're like "what, you mean like running our fingers through it?" -and he's like "nah yanking it while you're making out"

Like... what do you say to that?! - "oh which one of us would do it to the other?" -and what, did Taylor fucking volunteer?? Just like - "he can pull my hair, it's chill" - WTF?!

Or did he suggest it in the first place, like they were discussing things that would that could be part of Alex and Henry's dynamic and he's just like - "he could pull my hair?" -and the other three just stared at him for a second, because wtf that's a intensely intimate action to suggest?!

Hair touching in general is really intimate, in like, every context, at least I think to most people, and definitely to me. Most people wouldn't just let someone, even someone they were friends with, start playing with their hair or touching their head. I wouldn't even let my best friend randomly touch my head; I would instinctually try to bite their hand off (not a joke). Maybe I'm a slight bit more touch-repulsed than most, but I feel like it's safe to say that the majority of people don't want their hair and head being touched, grabbed, or played with unless they say so.

And again, they do it CONSISTENTLY. It's not a one and done scene. It is an actual dynamic between Alex and Henry they chose to establish.

SO I ASK AGAIN: WHOSE IDEA WAS IT?!

I'm looking at you four, Matthew, Robbie, Taylor, and Nicholas. I know it was one of you cheeky bastards that suggested it. One of you brought it up, and the rest of you were like "sure".

I will be forever haunted by this mystery, as I doubt I will ever get an answer.

Note: Please don't take this super seriously. I'm not trying to imply anything; I'm literally just joking around cause the concept of having that conversation boggles my mind lol

Thanks for reading!! If you enjoyed this essay & would like to support me, you can give me a tip on my Ko-Fi! ☺️

[heartfullofleeches]

I've mentioned before that Liu has heightened sense of hearing/smell and in moments of stress/when they want to locate their darling when they aren't in their range of sight, Liu seeks out the gentle beat of their heart. Imagine Liu's shock and horror when it spikes at random for seemingly no reason. They rush to the scene, fear for the worse and-

"Shit, shit, shit! I forgot to set a timer before I fell asleep. Grab a towel- the stove's on fire! It's spreading!"

Liu runs off to get that towel. Had they stayed a second longer they would've laughed right I'm their poor darling's face. They should be more concerned about their burning kitchen, but it's hard for them fight their grin. Even the frantic drum of your heart is music to their ears. The smell of smoke will haunt them for a few days, but as long as you're by their side they'll manage. All that's left to focus on now is saving you from the flames of your creation and rewarding your efforts with love and ordering delivery despite how cautious they are with food made by others

[valeriianz]

Dream is trying to be good. He is out of his house, for starters, attempting to mingle among the crowds. He figures this effort alone is worth at least 10 points on the socialization scale.

He may be wearing black on black as usual, but at least this is his nice pea coat, and his jeans don’t have any rips in them. His hair is even washed (though he hadn’t bothered with a combing, minus 3 points).

It’s New Year’s Eve, he’s standing at one of the few scattered tables around the large space. The bar’s ceiling and walls are lit up in a colorful agglomeration of Christmas lights and twinkling decor, so much that the people around him appear to have pink or blue or orange skin, otherwise the place is dark.

Dream drums his fingers on the tall table’s surface, scanning the crowd and trying not to look too uncomfortable at the DJ’s choice in thumping bass and current rap trends blanketing the ocean of conversation happening all around him.

“Hey, how are you?”

Dream watches as a man walks around him to stand across the table, setting a drink down and smiling in a lazy, drunk way.

Dream just stares.

“Sorry, I saw you standing alone and thought you might want some company.”

The man has to lean forward and yell to be heard over the music and people. Dream is responsive enough to at least lean in as well to catch the stranger’s words.

“I’m fine, thank you.” Dream barely has to raise his voice, thanks to his natural baritone. He’s thankful for that; he hates shouting and to do so just to commit to a conversation would be tribulation.

The man doesn’t seem to catch Dream’s response though, or doesn’t care to. He takes a sip of his drink and tries again, his fingers curling around the pint.

“Can I get you a drink?”

Dream seizes the opportunity to politely turn this man away from him.

“No, thank you. My boyfriend is getting my drink.”

The man’s brows pinch together.

“Where is your boyfriend?”

He says it like it’s a joke. Like he’s caught Dream red-handed. Dream sighs and turns to look at the crowded bar.

“He’s right…” Dream’s eyes desperately scan the scene of chaos at the bar, hoping to find Hob’s familiar head of dark brown hair, his mischievous caramel brown eyes, or even the bomber jacket he wore tonight. But from here, it’s difficult to spot anyone’s face in the crowd. The blinking lights give off strange shadows and everyone is moving, either dancing or stumbling to push through the dense sea of bodies.

He hears a soft laugh from the man across from him and looks over to find him shaking his head, but he’s smiling.

“Look, I don’t mean to come off strong, but someone as gorgeous as you shouldn’t be alone on New Year's Eve.”

Any patience left for this man is immediately snuffed out, like water tossed onto a fire.

“I told you, I’m–”

“Waiting for your boyfriend, uh huh.” He grins with his teeth and Dream barely restrains from throwing his head back in annoyance. 

If there weren’t a threat of getting lost in the crowd, Dream would abandon his station here and go looking for Hob. But he knows it’s better to stay here and wait as he had been, despite the nuisance still attempting to converse with Dream.

He steps around the table to stand next to Dream, who takes a deliberate step sideways away from him.

“What’s your name?”

Dream ignores him, head now permanently angled towards the bar.

“You know,” he starts up again and Dream eyes flutter shut, praying for patience. “The longer you ignore me, the more persistent I’ll become.”

Dream opens his eyes and levels the man, who is definitely drunk, with an unamused look.

“Even if I weren’t already spoken for, this is a terrible way to receive my affections.”

“He speaks!” The man exclaims and laughs. Dream pinches the bridge of his nose and has officially made the decision to lose his mind at the stranger, when he blessedly feels two familiar strong arms wrap around his waist.

“Sorry that took so long,” Hob speaks directly into Dream’s ear, no need to shout with lips tickling his skin. “I got us two drinks each so we don’t have to deal with that again.”

Dream smiles, unaware of how tense he was as his body relaxes against Hob’s– before it sharpens to a smirk at the utterly baffled expression on the strange man’s face.

Hob’s lips trail up the shell of Dream’s ear, his nose nudging in his hairline as he speaks again, his hot breath warming Dream up from the inside and sparking a sudden and intense feeling of surrender in Hob’s possessive hold. 

“Who’s your friend?” And fuck, Dream can hear the control in Hob’s voice. The question is innocent enough, but the way his tone pitches into a growl, low and dangerous, makes Dream’s toes curl. 

“I don’t know,” Dream answers simply, one brow arching at the other man, giving him the decency to turn and walk away on his own before Hob can make a show of animalistic ownership that Dream can practically feel radiating off Hob’s self-control.

Thankfully the stranger leaves, which is just as well, though Dream would have rather liked being ravished with an audience.

He turns to face Hob properly, duly noticing the drinks on the table and slips his arms around Hob’s middle, bringing them flush together in what can only be described as a bear hug.

Dream tucks his face under Hob’s jaw– bending his knees a little– and inhaling deeply, the scent of Hob’s cologne grounding him, and exhaling loudly through his mouth and smiling again at Hob’s deep chuckle that rumbles through his own body.

“You good?” Hob asks into Dream’s hair, placing a kiss there.

“Mm…” Dream hums. “I’m great.”

[the-stars-in-your-eyes-if]

☀︎NO DEMO YET☀︎ PLAYLIST ☀︎

☀︎SYNOPSIS☀︎

Your childhood friend has always dreamed of the big scene, of the crowd singing your lyrics, of a world tour. Max always wanted for your bands to succeed together. Until...

Well, it is was all a big stupid joke.

The real world caught up to you: you are no longer the naive child you once were. Writing a Grammy worthy album isn’t as easy as it seems and the big scene is nowhere to be seen. You navigate through life as you can, you party with your friends every Saturday and write music all week. You enjoy each one of your gigs – big and small. Your burning love for music doesn’t seem to fade. Your band brought together a solid community that crosses borders. You have fun with your band and it’s all that matter.

But you can’t help but fantasize that, someday, you’ll be at the top of the world…

Big stupid joke, right?

✮BATTLE OF THE BANDS IS BACK!✮

You thought 2020 was the end of us, uh?

You couldn’t be more wrong!

The worldwide known music contest is finally back!

We carefully chose the mentors of our beloved participants. This year will be all pink…

Make way for Pink Riot!!!

Application open to foreigners (check our website)

RATED +18

TW: explicit language, (occasional) violence, transphobia (one character is misgendered but just in one scene), use of alcohol and drugs, (soft) sexual content, parental abuse (flashback), depression, self-harm (warning will be in the "next" button), mention of suicide (same as self-harm)

☀︎FEATURES☀︎

– Customize your MC’s appearance and personality. You decide of their public image and persona.

– Your choices will define your band’s public image and popularity. Are they loved? Do they make underground or mainstream music? Are they the parents’ worst nightmare? The reference of rebellious kids?

– Decide your band’s aesthetic. Do they have one to begin with? Or do they each dress in their own style?

– Write your own lyrics!

– Engage in romantic affairs…

– ...or don’t, your choice!

– Are you going to help the people that cross your path or do you only care about yourself?

☀︎A BIT OF CONTEXT☀︎

Of course, this story is set on Earth.

But.

Racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, islamophobia, antisemitism and fatphobia will get you in court.

You are not very well seen if you do one of those things and, if you’re a celebrity/politician/public figure, it can (and will) ruin your career.

I know that this isn’t realistic at all but I need to believe that, one day, this will be real. My characters have and will go through enough trauma and bad moments, I want to give them some peace.

And it feels really good to make a world where those things will ruin the oppressor and not the oppressed.

☀︎ROs☀︎

THE HERMIT — Diesel Di Angelo (they/them)

Diesel is the soul of the band, they bring a sort of osmosis. Their calm energy somehow has a place on stage and is liked by everyone.

Diesel took their first steps in the music world with Max and MC. It was just the three of them before the band grew bigger. Diesel is a talented guitarist, they worked hard to get where they are and they don’t stop improving. They are quite reserved and don’t talk about their feelings… Who knows what lies beneath their shell?

THE MISCHIEVOUS DRUMMER — Roman Lupin (he/him)

If MC is the backbone of the band, Roman is its beating heart. He has no problem to make the public jump from the back of the stage. He’s a spark that will light a bonfire.

Roman learned to play drum from his mother. He went to the conservatory but he didn’t stuck with it. Since a young age, Roman wants to have a band and to perform all around the world. Roman is full of life and he’s the human version of a sunshine. Is there something behind that smile or is he genuinely happy?

THE LITTLE MERMAID — Isra Wafa (she/they)

Isra brings magic to the band. Her mermaid low voice is unique and enchants the public. If you think you’ve heard good bass players, just wait until you see Isra on stage.

When Isra was a child, their parents let them chose an instrument to learn and to their surprise, she chose the bass. They fell in love with this low instrument. They navigated from band to band before settling for this band her boyfriend was part of. Isra keeps ignoring their responsibilities toward her family. For how long can they pretend it doesn’t exist?

THE REBEL ANGEL — Archibald “Archie” de Beaumont (they/he)

Even with a classical training, Archie managed to switch to their band’s genre without too much troubles. All the members affirm it: Archie is a gift from the universe.

Archie popped out of nowhere to audition to be the band’s keyboardist. He was the most talented person they saw all day and the chemistry was very much here. The band doesn’t know much about Archie, but it doesn’t matter. They are a good person and a dear friend. It wouldn’t change anything to learn about their life before the band. Right?

THE MANAGER — Cal Bremont (he/him)

Cal works in the shadow to make the band shines under the spotlight of the biggest stages. The band claims it, he is the best manager you could hope for.

Cal takes his job very seriously, he has a perfect work ethic. Maybe he is a bit too close to his clients and they may not just be clients… But, well, no one is complaining. Cal is very secretive about his personal life, he never mentioned his family or anything else. Can he maintain his relationship with his friends and still keep his life a mystery?

THE RISING STAR — Max Larash (she/her or they/them)

Max moved their band to the other side of the world and they managed to impose themselves on the west coast scene. We’ll keep an eye on them as they’ll compete against their former friends…

Because of artistic divergences, Max decided to leave the band when Isra and Roman joined them and they created their own band with high school friends. Max had big dreams for Sleep Walking and their friends in MC’s band, but it didn’t turn out as Max has hoped. Sleep Walking left the country for the USA without their friends and they intentionally lost all contacts with them…

THE MUSE — Olivia “Ollie” Madden (she/her)

You may have never see her face but, as a comics fan, Ollie Madden is a name far from unknown. None other than the comics artist and writer of the most followed comics, Ollie is still a mystery to her fans.

Olivia works for Blue Pegasus, a major comics book publisher, since years. She was the comics artist on a lot of books, it took her a lot of hard work to finally publish her own series. Olivia isn’t only a famous artist, she also is a single mother. She’s taking care of a lot by herself and it often leads to forget about herself. There is nobody to remind her she’s human and not a superhero…

THE PRINCESS — Katharina "Kat" Deluca (she/her)

We don’t need to present Katharina Deluca anymore. Success and awards seem to follow every movies our Lady K touched. She confessed that her break from the cameras and greens screens was to be present for her best friend… Athena Pierce.

Also known as the Princess, Katharina is one of the biggest actresses of her generation. Between two roles worthy of an Oscar, she is also a model and the face of the infamous designer brand: Beaumont-Griffin. She is in the industry since she was 12. But, behind closed doors, Kat doesn’t seem to have a joyful life… What is she hiding from the world?

GODDESS OF MUSIC — Athena Pierce (she/her)

Athena is a legend in the industry. Everybody wants to work with her and Pink Riot. Her voice will shatter your world, there is a before and an after Athena Pierce.

Athena is the lead singer and front woman of Pink Riot. She was a star child and charmed America with her angelic voice. But, with the creation of Pink Riot, Athena is no longer the little angel of the USA. She’s now known as a freaking rebel and she is quite provocative. She flirts with the limits all the time. Her persona is loved all around the world, but who is the real Athena?

☀︎CANON EVENTS☀︎

You can customize a lot of things regarding your MC and your band. But there are a few things that are canon.

— MC is born and lives in France. Where exactly is up to you. The only place MC can’t have grow up in is Paris. (I headcanon them growing up in Perpignan or Montpellier)

— The names of MC parents can’t be choose. I tried to make them as common as possible so you can choose their origins. MC is French but their parents can be from wherever you want!

— MC's age can’t be choose.

— MC is friends with Max and Diesel since they are 6. They were in school together.

— MC’s first band is with Max and Diesel.

— During high school, MC met Roman and Isra. They joined MC’s band but Max didn’t like the kind of music their band was into so they formed their own band with other high school friends (Sleep Walking).

— The OG band (MC-Max-Diesel) exist until the fateful break up.

— MC’s band and Sleep Walking always were there for each other and gave mutual support. They also create songs and musics together, some are only instrumental and other are with vocal.

— MC speaks French and English. Feel free to add a third and even a fourth language.

— MC lives with Isra and Roman since they finished high school.

[crimsonmoonlight88]

Together Strong

Pairing: Noa x Mae

A/N: Help, I've fallen and I can't get up. Just a short drabble inspired by a scene from Avatar that refused to leave my mind.

--

It was hard to believe the war for world domination was over for now--harder, even, to think how much had changed since the first time Mae had stepped into this ruined observatory and gazed upon the stars.

Like that fateful night, the sky was dark and cloudless, glittering with stars and the promise of a brighter future. Mae had been wrong, then. The world did not belong to the humans--it belonged to humans and apes, and together they would need to navigate this new age.

The Eagle Clan had tripled in size, and was now established as one of the leading territories. The Clan had chosen a new Master of Birds and Warlord, which called for a celebration. Mae had never known what it was like--to feast and laugh and tell stories over bonfires. To listen to the beating of drums and chants of song.

The festivities that followed the ceremony would last long through the night, and she had needed a moment of quiet, seeking this long forgotten place beneath the stars.

As Mae moved toward the telescope, she heard him enter, intentionally making himself known as to not startle her. But he did not speak. She wondered when he had noticed she had slipped away; he always seemed keenly aware of where she was, just as she was of him.

The past few weeks--months, really--had been nothing but plotting and planning and fighting. There had been blood, and death, and little time to talk about much else but war and peace. Mae did not mind. It let her avoid the truths she feared to acknowledge.

But she knew she could longer avoid them.

"It feels like ages since we were here," she said finally, a hand trailing over the cool bite of metal. "You are the Master of Birds now." She dug a finger into a groove, feeling moist dirt there. "Anaya says you will make a bow from the wood of the tallest tree." She paused. "And you will choose a mate."

Noa said nothing, watching her from the shadows in that silent, still way of his.

For some reason, Mae could not look at him, even though she could hardly look away during the ceremony. He had been covered in dark blue and white woad, adorned in armor that made him look more a knight than an ape. Master of Birds and Warlord. A leader.

Mae reached up to the necklace she always wore, her fingers playing with Raka's medallion--the symbol of peace and strength. "Nina is a good singer," she admitted. The female was one of the best in the clan, taming even the most wild of eagles.

A beat of silence. And then Noa said, his voice drifting from the shadows, "I do not want...Nina."

Mae suppressed a smile, but it quickly faded. "Soona is a good hunter. And an even better friend." And you were born within a sunset.

Another beat of quiet. And then--

"She is...all those things." He paused. "And family."

Mae stilled, not just at his words, but because he had snuck up behind her. She turned, half dreading what she might find. Noa stood at his full height, intimidating in his warrior's garb. He was hardened from war, but his eyes were still soft as he looked at her.

"But I have...already chosen," Noa went on gently. He reached out, his large hand covering hers over the medallion, his eyes bright. "But this woman...this...Nova...must also choose me."

Mae smiled at him, blinking back tears. "She already has."

His lips parted slightly, almost in disbelief. He leaned forward, pressing his forehead to hers, his strong hands finding the back of her neck.

"You choose...this?" he breathed. "You choose...Eagle Clan? Me?"

He had once asked her if apes and humans could live together. Then, she had not known. But now, she could see no other future. Noa and Raka, Soona and Anaya and the others, even the humans that had joined their forces, they were family now.

"Yes," Mae answered. "Our cause is important. What we have built is important." She reached up, cupping his cheek. "You are important. To me."

His hands tightened on her neck, no doubt remembering those words, how he had said them to her on the battlefield when he had begged her to run. She refused. She would not leave him and the others then, and she would not leave them now.

Mae closed her eyes. "Together," she went on, "strong."

"Together," Noa echoed, his voice a promise, "strong."

And as they stood there under the stars, ape and human but somehow twin souls, Mae knew, no matter what the future held, they would face it side by side.

Together.

[alexissara]

Recruiting Minthara Without Doing A War Crime - BG3

Opening Disclaimer: I do not know every variable, I am sharing what I did to recruit Minthara in BG3 since basically every guide in the internet is wrong and says you must do a war crime to recruit MInthara. You will lose out on the Minthara post battle sex scene and she remains mutually exclusive with Halsin you either have her or him but she can be obtained as a party member and even has exclusive voiced dialogue for Karlache and Wyll whom many say you are also locked out of to recruit her. Also this is totally intentional and accounted for but in my personal run I am getting some bugs, idk if it's an everyone issue or a me issue the game is still very new.

To Attack The Grove or to Kill Everyone In The Goblin Camp, that is the question, one that needs not an answer. You can do quests in both places, talk to Minthara, and more and still walk away from this fight.

All you need to do is simply progress the plot ignoring these two binary options. You'll need to ensure Minthara does not know the location of The Druid Grove so for me the way I did it was I rescued Sazza then killed her in the goblin camp before she could rat out the location and turn on me right before she would have walked me over to MInthara. It triggered a small fight but I destroyed the drums they played to trigger an alarm and have everyone fight me meaning I only had to kill four Goblins or so. I went to talk to Minthara and told her I had no clue where the druid grove or her item were but i'd totally look into it. I grabbed everything I wanted from the Goblin camp and before that did all of the Tiefling kid side quests except stealing the artifact in The Druid grove, upgraded Karlache's infernal engines, looked around everywhere I could. I did not at any point meet or talk to Halsin.

Then from there I simply went to the Underdark, you may be be able to take the Gith path instead, idk I didn't do it but I personally went to The Underdark by way of Feather Falling in the Phase Spider Monarch's layer down into it. From there I found some slavers, killed them and stole their boat. I sailed away to a forge where more slavers were living, I helped them save a true soul, helped the true soul kill them and then killed The True Soul. With that I was on my marry way and entered act 2. This I believe triggers time to have progressed in the game and everything will have gone into motion. I wanted to be sure though that I had done everything correctly so I headed to Moon Rise towers as fast as I can. I did some fights, got to the tower and found Minathara getting yelled at by her boss and thrown into a prison. In the prison two women are trying to wipe her mind. I killed all the guards before trying to help her out in the prisons area and freed some other prisoners. Stole a bunch of stuff then went to the girl herself. I then killed the people trying to brainwash her after talking to them for a little, walked out with Minthara, the guards at multiple times were like "why the fuck do you have Minthara" I smooth talk my way out of each situation, we leave moonrise and I tell her she can stay in our camp. From there she is a party member.

The game suggests you don't bring Minthara back into Moonrise Towers with you, I have got some light glitches on my own run when going to areas that are before you can normally recruit minthara and going to camp sometimes she spawns over at The Goblin camp where you first meet her. The Goblins seem to be basically fine so what happened with the tiefling and druids. Well the tieflings were forced to leave the druid grove but they were gonna do that anyway and the same quests are triggered as if you didn't do that as far as I undertand. I have met one of the tieflings already in act two and they were not mad at me for not helping the grove. The grove however did do the ritual and is no longer accessible. I will update this when I enter Baulder's Gate if I find out I like idk caused the death of a bunch of characters for not siding with either but I don't think I cased any deaths at all, I think I spared the most lives, the most peaceful bitch.

I want to end of the note that there is more to Minthara than Girlboss, Gaslight, Gatekeep. She for narrative reasons is a fun character to have. She is cold for sure but I think the game does a pretty good job justifying it and you can see right away glimmers of her warming up. In terms of a party member her kit is interesting, she starts with tadepoles already in her head so if you were totally avoiding them like me you'll be able to see a few of the powers in action given you have no option to remove them from her.

[musedblues]

All Things Must Pass

a/n: IDK CHAT this is 100% projection. long story short, i promised @almightyellie and @userjohndeacon a sessa fic, started it, then proceeded to have the worst june ever. and i accidentally ended up turning this entire plot into my therapy. sorry for the devastation but...  happy ending?

description: since starting college angus became your very best friend. just as you begin to wrap up your academic career, shit hits the fan for everyone. friends to lover's type shit but make it excruciating. angus x fem reader. 

warnings: explicit sexual situations, death, mentions of suicidal ideation, brief scene ft. harassment, over all morbid tone. God bless whoever takes the time to put up with this plot lmao

18k

MINORS DNI

///

The Party

"Would you hurry up! I want to get there before all the good booze is gone." Angus drummed on his steering wheel as you rushed into his passenger seat. He'd been honking outside your dorm for five minutes, despite the couple times you poked your head out the window to yell at him that you were coming.

"I got ready later than I wanted, I was actually trying to study. You know we're at college to learn shit, right?" 

"Yeah, and I'm trying to learn how to get drunk fast tonight. Every moment of this precious life is a lesson to be learned if you let it, kid." Angus jested, as if being a few months younger mattered in your mid-twenties. 

"You used to be fun, Angus. You used to be so carefree. You used to bitch so much less profoundly. That philosophy class has done a number on you." You laughed as you teased him, watching your friend grin in response. Angus was your favorite pain in the ass. You were his, he said so often. He was your ride to everywhere. You were his built-in tutor for everything. He was your emergency contact on every official form. All because he was lost the first weekend here; and you just happened to learn directions to the furthest class on campus moments before he asked an ever-emptying hallway of students to show him the way.

"Look. This is the last party Kiara is throwing before she graduates, and before our month of finals. I just want to have the best night possible." Angus reasoned. He went on to ramble about how uptight you had been about school lately, and how you needed to let lose tonight all the same. Angus was right.

Your first year of college was spent in elation, when you realized you'd finally escaped the confines of your family. None of them ever had your best interest in mind, and rushing off to freedom was how you spent your 20th autumn. Your second year of college was spent really nailing down your major, hedging all your bets on studying something serious that would keep you afloat your entire life. Something you could depend on for yourself and no one else. But the fatigue of your intense studies set in by the third year, leading you to seek out more extra curriculars to take the edge off. 

It was Kiara's idea to take dance lessons. She was your partner in every tango and waltz. She was your biggest encouragement to take the extra ballet class. And she'd been really pushing you to audition for the team that would travel to Europe to compete in an annual competition. Between your friend, and your instructor, you'd been swayed to stay longer at practices- and to work harder for auditions at the start of the summer. But that meant your studies became even more of a challenge, with your brain focused on achieving more goals than you'd set out to tackle. 

"So, what are we doing tonight?" Angus rallied, as he pulled against the curb of Kiara's townhouse. 

"Having a good time!" You enunciated each word as Angus chanted along with you, smiling his stupidly perfect smile. You'd always loved the sight of him happy, carefree. Happy looked especially good on your friend Angus.

You trailed behind your friend as he bound toward the steps of the party, and held open the front door for you. The air was misty with hints of rain, summer couldn't settle in quick enough.

Kiara's home was big enough for four or more people, but she planned to share it only with her cousin- a lawyer on her way from Chicago, whom none of you had yet to meet. To the left of the entrance hall was the living room; packed with acquaintances and strangers clinking red solo cups together as a Hendrix record played. To the left was the kitchen, where Kiara stood showing off an island full of drinks and organized snacks. Her springy brown curls were pulled back in a neat ponytail and she was dressed better than anyone, as always. 

"There they are!" She smiled and pointed to you and Angus, before waving you over to her massive refrigerator. 

"Extra cold beer and expensive liquor for friends only." Kiara swept her hand to suggest you pick your poison, as she swatted away a stranger from reaching in all at once. You laughed and thanked her for being extra thoughtful, not surprised by her set up. She was the most detail-oriented human you'd ever met. Once Angus had a bottle of beer in either hand and you were content with the last of some old chardonnay, you followed Kiara out to the patio. 

There beyond the steady flame from the fire pit, sat Soren and Tom. Both already high off their asses. They waved as you approached and lit up a fresh joint. And just like that your group was glued together. You'd all wound up in San Fransico from different parts of the country. And you'd all ended up tight knit throughout a year of run ins at pubs and races to class, despite the difference in some of your grades. Fate continuously lobbed you each together. And over the past few years; time always carved out at least one day a week where the five of you could hunch over laughing past midnight like a band of fools.

"How's your job at the cafe going Soren? Paying your book fees back in a timelier manner now?" You rose a brow and looked to your friend. His blonde curls hung to his shoulders; his eyes red by way of the night's events that had only just begun. How he was dependable enough to hold down a job you were unsure, but impressed by all the while.

"I haven't been late once in the two months I've worked there. For work, or my fees." The guy boasted, taking a hit from the blunt he kept promising to pass around but never did. Your group set down their bottles and glasses to give Soren a small round of applause. 

"What about you Kiara? Are you set up for your internship?" Angus asked, both beers already gone. He rose from his perch on a lounge chair to reach in a nearby cooler for another drink. 

"Oh yeah. I start next week, and I graduate three days later. It's getting real, gang. We're getting grown up." Kiara pouted out of sentiment, and nervousness, you noticed. 

"One day closer to death." Tom concluded, "Gotta make the most of it!" The guy lunged, stealing the blunt that Soren had been hogging, laughing at the blonde's appalment. You admired Tom's waggish disposition, eagerness to keep you all on your toes. But even dark eyed, dark humored Tom started to lament about how fast time was flying by this third year of school. 

"I'm gonna graduate, get a house and a few cats. I'm gonna start working at the vet clinic and be rich enough to start my own in ten years." Tom declared, so sure of himself. You watched your friend mean every word that came out of his mouth, which was rare for the often-unserious fellow.

"Did you know," Angus began to rally, raising his bottle to make a point. "In Egypt when a family's cat died, they all shaved their eyebrows off as a sign of respect. Haven't figured out why yet. But I was reading-" 

You groaned a laugh, decidedly tuning out the rest of Angus' sentance. You loved that he always had a recently studied story to share. They fascinated you, usually. But tonight, Angus rambles about history repeating itself was filling you with dread. You weren't keen to consider the past tonight. And your own lack of clarity about the future was growing vaster every day. 

Remembering your promise to let loose here, you politely excused yourself from Angus' on-going speech to find more to drink. Surely the fridge inside had something strong enough, something to really set you off for the evening. 

A bottle of whiskey seemed promising but there were no mixers. You settled for a couple shots, and chatted with a girl who lived down the hall from you. She did two more shots with you and introduced you to her girlfriend. The pair were nice enough together but wouldn't shut the fuck up about a recent trip to France and their decision to move there. Couldn't anyone talk about anything besides their plans for life, tonight?

In the living room, strangers picked the worst vinyl's from Kiara's collection to spin. You sighed as some physics major beamed at the sound of Neil Diamond groaning from the speakers.

Thank God you hadn't been left to linger too long alone. Angus was tapping at your shoulder eventually, holding up a bottle of your favorite rum you hadn't realized was available. His smile grew mischievously as he beckoned you to follow him away from the crowd. This was when the real fun always began.

The spare most bedroom was home to a smaller record player and a more prized collection of vinyl's. Kiara never minded your spinning these, knowing how delicate and careful you were with them. How you were more dazzled by some of her favorite collections than she was, on occasion.

Angus was quick to lock the door, keeping out the people who inevitably started knocking to use the en suite bathroom. Kiara had two more. They'd figure that out. You chose an older album, struggling to turn it up louder than the shit they were blaring from the living room. Angus had already taken an absurd swig of rum from the bottle by the time you'd finished fidgeting with the volume dial. 

"Geeze, save some for the rest of us buddy." You snatched the drink for your own turn, already buzzed, but looking to see stars tonight. Angus was well on his way, it seemed, laughing a little too hard at your jest.

"Finally, good music and decent booze. And you, I guess." You smiled up at Angus, taking a big drink as he grinned back your way. He accepted the bottle back as you began to drone on about the shit music the crowd was playing. You rambled about how you feared they lacked a certain amount of passion for talent. You lamented still how easy it was for people to know passion better than you ever could. How unequivocally everyone spoke tonight about their passions and futures and plans. But how even given your efforts to want the same things, you didn't feel that same certainty everyone else seemed to.

"You gotta get out of here." Angus stalled before you, tapping his pointer finger against your temple. He was always getting you to snap out of your silly spinning what if's and why's.

"Sorry. I know, we're supposed to be having fun." You remarked, grabbing back the bottle to catch up to Angus level of inebriation. He went on to make some foul retort about passion, a joke about the last time he managed a one night stand.

"That's the same gusto you're so proud of that got you only frowns the day you asked out three poor freshman before lunch."

"Win some you lose some." Angus grinned, taking a generous swig before passing the bottle to you. You were both well drunk by then and enjoying the solitude from the masses. Kiara threw the best parties because she had the biggest house. And that gave you a lot of opportunities to seek out space all the while, which was the more valued asset, you thought. Your longsuffering roommate was always in the way. And if your one was an obstacle, Angus' three others were too much to bear. Nights like these were sacred for so many reasons.

"I'm better with silent queues, anyway. I've never successfully talked my way into a date."

You chuckled in your friend's direction, rolling your shoulders to the beat of the new vinyl you picked out. You dreamed a little of adding this song to the list of ones to choreograph in the future.

"No, I'm serious! The people I've successfully hooked up with in college have all happened when I decide to keep the talking to a minimum. A little body language goes a long way, I swear!"

"Angus you know I love you, but I'm struggling to believe you." He was too awkward. Not in a nerdish way. But something about his countenance could be enigmatically naive. He'd been through a lot in his young life, enough to hold a certain wisdom in his posture. But he still seemed to have so much to learn.

"No?" Angus stifled a laugh, seeming to make a decision with a nod. "Well what about this?" He set the bottle of rum down on a chest of drawers.  Angus turned, giving you a sly look over his shoulder, before spinning to face you all the way, letting his eye's rake up your figure. He did have the most alluring set of eyes, and you liked to imagine what was going through his head as he peered across every inch of your body.

"You come here often, darlin'?" Angus rose a playful brow, reaching to sling an arm over your shoulder. You huffed a sorry laugh and shook your head in disapproval.

"It worked until I talked, didn't it?" Angus bit his lip, lifting his brows again to get you to giggle. Even if it did, you'd never tell him.

You drank more and argued over what records to play. You laid on the floor near the speakers and settled into silence when a particularly good song came on. Angus hummed along and made you smile. You drank more and made each other laugh until you cried, slumped against the wall by the loo. Music still pulsed from downstairs, but you noticed fewer voices rallied from downstairs, fewer knocks on your door too.

Then you mistakenly noticed the clock. 

"Oh God Angus it's midnight?" I have a test in the morning." You slumped further down the wall you'd been leaning against, covering your head in your hands. "I was already prepared to fail, now I'm gonna be tired and stressed."

"Hey," Angus called, reaching out to pull your hands from your face. "Look, you either know it or you don't. No amount of studying or sleeping now is gonna help. You've already studied so much. I'm sure you'll do fine. Really!"

You sighed and said you knew he was right. But you couldn't understand why you felt so much more unsure than all of your other friends. You arguably studied hardest out of the five of you. You had the same goals. But Tom seemed so certain that his ten-year plan would work out, no matter any set backs. And Kiara was already accepted into her dream position. Angus never complained once about fearing a test or a grade. And Soren God bless him, took it day by day, but he was doing reasonably well for lack of planning. You voiced to Angus how it scared you that life didn't always turn out perfectly despite all your best efforts.

Your friend frowned, and seemed to struggle for a response. Maybe he was too drunk. Or maybe there just was no answer. With the shake of his dark curls Angus decided to wrap an arm around your shoulder. You felt him kiss the crown of your head, something he did when there was nothing left to say. No advice to give. But when he still wanted to show his support. His closeness was a comfort like no other. He knew just how to be near you. And then you realized he was right in a way, before. Angus was pretty good when it came to wordless connection. 

As you realized this, you broke from your leaning against him to cast your eyes to his face. Angus blinked, letting his arm stay draped around you, letting his fingers draw patterns against your shoulder. His lips formed a small smile as Angus watched you consider his features. His eye's stayed easily peering into yours, and somehow it was like you really saw him for the first time.

"I'm afraid I believe you now." You huffed a humorless laugh, drunk enough to speak without thinking. And how Angus was quick enough to register what you meant, you didn't know. But you saw his eyes look into yours with an understanding you'd never uncovered in your three years of friendship. It might've given you a shiver up your spine. Or you might've just been that drunk. But the longer you looked into Angus' eyes and the quieter he remained, the faster your heart started beating. How much had you had to drink?

You couldn't tear your gaze from his, noticing his mouth begin to move to speak, but no words came. Maybe he stalled, or maybe he was still trying to find the right thing to say. Or maybe he was that drunk. But there was something happening to you that hadn't happened in the entirety of your knowing Angus. Your heart rate had never quickened, drunk or not, in his presence. Your mind had never gone so blank, staring into his eyes. You could've gotten into your head about it. But there was no time to think. Because all of a sudden, he was kissing you. 

It seemed to come out of nowhere after all these years. But it seemed so obvious in the moment. His lips stalled on yours as his fingers moved to brush against your neck, the ghost of a clutch. It was as if he couldn't move until you pushed him away or kissed him back. You chose the latter.

You let your lips bruise into his. You let your hand fall above his knee. You let your fingers curl into a grip. And that seemed to give Angus the green light to really kiss you. His lips parted and his hand molded around the back of your neck and his other arm dared to encircle you. You let your free hand find his shoulder. As Angus flexed to pull you closer to him, you leaned in to kiss him fiercer, knocking the guy over in the process.

Angus let both his hands tangle in your hair as you kissed him against the bedroom floor. It seemed your hands and his moved without a thought or a care, aided by alcohol no doubt. Your fingers found themselves dancing along the hem of Angus t-shirt as his traveled to grab at your hips. The record that was playing was skipping and scratching, begging to be turned. But your every focus was on your very best friend right now, how far his tongue was down your throat, how much in a hurry you felt to tear his jeans off. 

You couldn't believe how fast it was all happening. You couldn't quiet process that Angus slender fingers were creeping underneath your skirt. You couldn't seem to kiss him hard enough. It wasn't long before he rolled to pin you against the floor. It wasn't long before he was actually shagging you in the spare bedroom of your friend's townhome. Angus slammed his hips into yours and breathed hard against your neck. You let your nails dig into his shoulder blades as he finished, and strained to catch your breath as he collapsed at your side. 

If you were confused about things before, you were confounded at this point. But it was one in the morning. And you had a test to take. And no time to think of anything else at all. 

"I'm sorry for doubting you earlier." You broke the deafening silence in the room by turning to grin at Angus. He laughed, a real but breathy and exhausted chuckle. Silence settled in again, until you suggested getting up off the floor. At a languid pace, Angus moved to fasten his trousers, and stumbled into a crawl. You managed to move up right faster and decidedly dragged your friend toward the bed in the middle of the room. Sloshed and spent, you each fell asleep rather quickly. But you didn't drift off without a deepening storm of questions brewing in the back of your mind.

///

A knocking stirred you from dreaming. But the harsh early sun from the window caused your eyes to snap shut in a hurry. This bed wasn't yours. Angus was next to you. His curls tickling your cheek. His arm like a heavyweight across your stomach. 

Despite the knocking, your eyes couldn't keep open. Your brain still clung to dreams.

You relished the way your friends body molded against yours. You struggled to recall the last time you felt so calm. So relaxed. It was too easy to fall asleep again.

And then you were shaken to reality once more. 

"Wake up, please-" Angus was whispering your name with urgency. He wasn't at your side, not like before. He was standing. His arms no longer held you close. But his hand clutched your arm, and it stayed there as you sat up to meet his eyes. They were bloodshot. His brows were pushed in, darkening his gaze. His usual faint grin was turned into a frown.

Angus swallowed and dug his fingers into your shoulder. 

"You gotta get up. Tom's dead."

///

Kiara was slumped against the kitchen table when Angus finally got you out of bed. You rushed to her side in a panic, as she kept her head down. Angus stalled near the entry way of the kitchen, hands on his head, breaking out into a pace.

Soren was hanging up the phone on the wall, he'd just called off work for the very first time ever. You wanted to tell him you were proud of him for not having done so sooner. But now wasn't the time. One of you was missing. And he wasn't coming back.

Kiara lifted her head from the table, her once pinned curls now disheveled. Her face was wet with tears as she sucked in a deep breath. 

"Angus can you tell the strangers sleeping on my sofa to get the fuck out, please?" Kiara's voice was hoarse and worn. Soren sat across from you as Angus left the room on a mission, and you begged someone to tell you what the hell was going on. 

Kiara said she opened her door to the police at five this morning. She was Tom's emergency contact, after all. She said he decided to walk home instead of crashing here. He only lived a block away. He should have made it. But he was drunk. And a pickup truck didn't hit their breaks in time. And just like that, none of it mattered. His bed was never slept in. His degree was never earned. His plans out the window. A fifth seat at the pub and dinner table permanently empty. 

Angus returned to announce he'd gotten everyone to leave. But a well-meaning girl straggled in the kitchen behind him, asking the group of you if there was anything she could do for you. Angus turn to yell that she go like he so kindly asked her to in the first place. Soren started sobbing then, slumping from the chair at your side, his blonde locks weighing your lap down. You sat in shock, carding your fingers through his hair. You locked eyes with Angus across the room, watching the way his teeth dug into his lip to keep from crying. You had a lot to talk about. But now wasn't the time.

As you turned to look to Kiara, your eyes fell onto the clock. 

"I- I have a test." Your voice cracked; a cry lodged in your throat that you weren't ready to let escape. 

"What professor? I can help you get an extension, if you want?" Kiara sniffled. 

"I... I don't want that. I want to get it over with. I don't want to leave here but I don't- I don't know." 

"Hey, it's okay-" Kiara reached to rest her hand on your forearm. You struggled to breathe but kept rambling despite yourself. 

"I don't want to put it off, I'll be way more stressed than I already am, but I don't want to leave here, Kiara..." You begged her to help you make sense out of your panic. That's what she was good at. 

"It's okay." She demanded with authority, nodding to silence you. "Go take it. Come back when you're finished? I'd really like for us to all be together tonight." She sucked in a shaky breath and cast her gaze to Angus, who was nodding in agreeance. Soren lifted his head from your lap, face red and eyes glossy. He mentioned needing a change of clothes, barely able speak without breaking down again. 

"I'll take you to campus." Angus gestured toward you. "And I'll grab your stuff, Soren. Stay with Kiara and we'll be back to help clean this shit up and decide what to do next." Angus asked where his friends dorm key was, decidedly designating himself the errand runner. 

Kiara steadied her breathing and thanked him, Angus was always clear minded in crisis. Then she announced that she planned to call Tom's parents. If not to break the news to them before the police, then to find how the family planned to send him off.

Your beautiful hoarse voiced friend demanded you go do your best, as you stood to leave. You gave her a crooked grimace of a smile, every sense clouded with shock and confusion and dismay.

Angus followed you out to his car, where he drove you back to campus in complete silence. Neither of you said a word, neither of you made a sound. There was too much to talk about and not nearly enough of the right kind of time. 

///

Finals Month

You failed that test. Miserably. Maybe you should have waited. But you knew the stress of waiting would've worn on you just as much as the shock had, the morning you took it. That night you spent at Kiara's was quiet. 

That night you all let the sound of dinner cooking echo through the house. That night you all sat around the living room, trying not to fixate on the spot on the couch where Tom usually sat with his legs crossed. That night Angus held your hand, and the way it usually would've brought you comfort was then matched with conflict. Still, you watched as his fingers tapped against your knuckles and clung to his grip for all it was worth. Despite the way your nerves danced on end, you held his hand. Despite the missing friend, the rest of you sat together. 

When you found out you failed the test the next day, you weren't surprised. But you were motivated to get more serious than ever. You only stopped studying the rest of the week, to make meals. And when you finished the first round of finals, you let dance class be your reward.

Kiara was there at the studio, but she wasn't dressed for it. She only wanted to wait up to give you a lift to the pub after, having called you all to plan a meeting this evening. As dancers flooded into the building, you thanked Kiara for coming to watch you, for being there somehow. You promised to dance hard enough for the both of you, that practice.

Then it was time to start the lesson, relishing the way the music pulsed through the floor. You'd never been so thankful for a hobby, it came just in time for you to clear your head. As you moved your body to the beat of some Bowie song, it wasn't like you were coming to any grand conclusions. But something about locking in and moving with the music made your mind stop racing all the while. 

And then there was the part of you that savored the compliments you received when you landed a spin or were asked to offer instruction to others. You were really fucking good at this, and you knew it. 

When class was over, you struggled to ride the high of the adrenaline dancing usually gave you. The music stopped and you had no reason left to pound your feet into the ground, nowhere left to direct your grief and sadness and worry.  But then Kiara was boasting about how well you did and sing songing her familiar plea for you to try out for the European competition. The instructor overheard and walked up to encourage you all the same. 

"You really should. Auditions are in a month." The teacher flashed you his coy smile, letting his hand rest on the small of your back. He was like that. But you didn't mind. The thrill you got from his compliments as a leader outweighed the way his flirting could sometimes make you cringe.

"I'll think about it!" You assured, giving Kiara the 'let's get out of here' look. 

///

At your usual pub, Angus and Soren were sat in silence, each casting despondent glances toward the table. A chair was empty between them. Funny how hard this kept getting. How often you were reminded that Tom was gone, and how shuddering it was to realize he wasn't coming back. You didn't realize how slowly grief worked. How every new day a creeping mourning swallowed your mind more wholly than the last.

Once seated, you flagged down a waiter for some drinks and frowned when Soren asked how your class went. You didn't really want to talk about it. It didn't seem important at all, all you could think to mention in the company of your friends was how one was gone. Wasn't that so fucked up?

"His mom called today. She says the funeral is tomorrow." Kiara came right out with it, causing everyone to cast their eyes toward her. She hadn't mentioned the phone call she had with Tom's parents when you all reconvened that night. No one had said much of anything at all, that night. 

"What the fuck?" Soren spat. Tom was from Alaska. None of you had time to plan to be at a funeral in Alaska in less than 24 hours. 

"This morning, she told me they had family in town for some other reason. And want to just 'get it over with' so, fuck us, I guess." Kiara released a shaky breath, turning to thank a waiter who slid glasses onto your high-top table. 

"We can do something for him, just us." Angus spoke up, arms crossed tight around his body. He looked up for the first time since you got here and looked right at you. You smiled, glad to see him, content with his latest idea. Angus smiled back and kept his steady brown eyed gaze on yours. And for one fleeting moment you forgot you were being swallowed whole by sadness. But just a moment.

"Yeah. We should have a memorial. Anything you want me to bring?" Soren sat up, nodding over and over at the idea, glad for a progressive plan in his friend's honor.

"A bunch of fuckin' weed. It's what he would've wanted." Kiara laughed. And so did the rest of you.

The rest of the hour you spent drinking was full of a little more hope than any of you had felt in the past few days. You managed a few laughs from each other in the midst of planning a memorial. Through giggles, you all strived to turn conversation lighter. There was an unspoken chugging toward ending your hang out on the semblance of a high note. And you understood why. But something felt so wrong about laughing. Something felt so shameful about droning on about school, with each other. Didn't they feel that? How couldn't they? Would bringing this up kill the mood for better, or for worse?

You didn't know how to conduct yourself the longer you thought about it. Suddenly the whole world and the meaning of life stretch out before you and started to muddle together to fill you with dread. 

"Hey." Angus voice was closer than before. You realized your friends were all getting up, and the dark eyed boy was standing beside the stool you sat in. "Hey, come on." Angus rose his finger to your temple and gave it a couple taps. That meant it was time to focus on something else entirely. Time to get out of your head. You nodded and stood to join him as he walked, watching the others head into the foggy night, holding the door open for you.

"It's the last Friday of the month you know." Angus spoke to you gently, his reminder catching you off guard. You didn't really know what to expect, from Angus now. You didn't really know what you expected from yourself, either. 

"Oh, yeah."

"Do you... want me to come over?" He seemed to worry. The lanky brunet shifted the weight between his feet and let either of his eyes dart between yours. You saw his breath in the fog of the misty evening. You couldn't imagine ever telling him no. 

"It's the last Friday of the month. You always come over. I just... almost forgot this time." You admitted. There had been a lot going on. And you hadn't really been paying attention to the calendar. 

"Did you... forget? Or..."

"I forgot. Come on, let's go." You spoke confidently because you were telling the truth. But you realized what he'd alluded to... having recently fucked without acknowledging it in anyway. And you were not ready to have that conversation. 

Angus rose his brows, shrugged his shoulders and decidedly stepped in time with you. You'd hoped he'd start talking about something else. But he didn't. He let an awkward silence weigh itself between you as he drove you to your dorm. Angus didn't speak the whole ride there. And neither did you. But he drove you home, and followed you in. And that counted for something, right?

Silence followed you each to the sofa, where you sat on the edge, staring at the blank telly screen. 

"Should we watch something?" Angus finally called, leaned back against your decorative pillows with his arms crossed tight. 

"I dunno." You realized. It was later than usual. Your roommate was asleep. You weren't sure how to act, alone with Angus now.

"Put on an album, maybe?" He suggested. His voice sounded light years away. And you couldn't figure out if it was because he was sat so far back. Or if he was upset with you. Or if you were simply starting to lose your mind.

"I dunno." You repeated. The upsettingly familiar weight of silence crept between the pair of you once more for what felt like a lifetime. 

"We really should talk about it. Shouldn't we?" Angus spoke up, voice breaking up your minds spiral of thoughts that had been getting you nowhere. 

You truly didn't know. There was too much happening you hadn't had time to process. A thousand new truths and realities danced around your brain, seeping down to quicken your heart rate. Even if you should've, you couldn't talk without crying. You actually couldn't help that tears started to pool in your eyes now, feeling demanding to free itself from within you. 

Your elbows met your knees and your hands blocked out the light of the room. You tried to steady your breathing with a deep intake of air. But cries were all that released out, despite your attempt to bay your overwhelm. 

You felt him shift at your side. Angus was up. You sat trying to pull yourself together as you heard Angus move about the room. Suddenly you sensed the telly was switched on and the lights were off.

"I'm sorry. Come here. I'm sorry." Angus called, his weight shifting the sofa once more. "We'll just watch whatever is on. I'm sorry." His hands grabbed to move you back toward him. Angus pulled you to rest at his side, and you couldn't help but accept the invitation. You rose your feet from the floor and buried yourself beside him, sniffling away your tears. Angus held you tighter than you ever recalled him having done before. Angus carded his fingers through your hair, and apologized again. Wasn't this enough? You wondered. Couldn't the pair of you just settle together without words? The more intently you latched against his form, the more purposefully Angus seemed to hold you. Wasn't that all either of you needed to know right now?

But he wouldn't stop apologizing. 

"It's okay." You replied, pulling your face away from Angus' shoulder to meet his eye. Your friend wore a look of consternation, jaw clenched, brows furrowed. There was clearly so much he wanted to say. But he didn't. He just shook his head of curls, and pressed his lips together, casting his eyes to his lap. You brought a set of fingers to his jaw, turning his head to face yours. 

"I promise, it's okay." You said again, nodding and letting your thumb brush across the apple of his cheek. You watched your friend of many years debate saying what was clearly on the tip of his tongue. You waited for Angus to stop shaking his head and just come out with it already. He'd been wondering if you should talk. And if he wanted too, he should've. Right?

"I just... I really want to kiss you again." Angus said, like he was certain to be condemned for admitting so. You felt your mouth try to grin despite the way your lips anxiously pursed.  You watched the way Angus searched your expression for any kind of reaction. But you didn't give him much time before you leaned in to brush your lips against his. This kiss was delicate. This kiss was slow. Your hands did not wander. But you each shared the moment earnestly, for reasons you still weren't ready to uncover.

When Angus stalled to break your connection, he stayed close. His gaze was steady on your lips, as if he were trying to figure out why they were just pressed against his own. But you just couldn't talk about it tonight. So instead, it was your turn to pull Angus close, as you leaned back into the pile of throw blankets. You held Angus' head of curls against your chest as he decidedly let himself relax there. 

You didn't know what show was playing. You didn't know what time it was, or when you both fell asleep. You didn't hear Angus leave the next morning. And you didn't know what you were going to do about the way his leaving broke your heart a little more than it'd already had been.

///

You spent the weekend working. Cleaning houses a couple days a week was enough to keep money in your pockets, especially if you had appointments in the rich neighborhoods. You blasted music through each house, and scrubbed to the beat. Like dancing, this was therapy. Every time you remembered Tom was dead, you'd scoured the grout a little harder. Every time you remembered the way Angus dug his fingers into your hips, and how much you liked it, you vacuumed with more gusto. Every time you remembered how poorly the results of your latest finals had been, you turned up the music.

Then came the memorial your friends set up.

It was perfect. You burned a fire in the pit out back, shared a couple joints, and went through old pictures. Each photo unlocked a memory someone had a story about. Kiara found a few flowers to plant around the evergreen near the corner. Flowers that would grow back every year. For Tom. Angus didn't say much that night. And you didn't either. And you could tell the other two noticed. 

///

"Claire is finally completely moved in!" Kiara chirped. She sat across the dance floor with you, stretching her fingers to meet the tips of her toes. The townhouse she bought with her cousin in mind was finally home sweet home for both girls. "You'll have to meet her! Angus and Soren already have, I called them to help move a few heavier things."

"Yeah, sounds good." You struggled to respond, only half listening. Your brain was busy focusing on the way your body worked to stretch out every imperfection, every negative thought and feeling. But the way Kiara called your name next forced your undivided attention.

"Look, I get that things have been fucked up recently. You know I know that." Your friends voice shook a little, and a pain rang through your chest at the sound. She lost a friend too. "But you've been especially weird. What's going on, huh?" Kiara sounded almost angry. But then you recognized it was simply hurt spilling over. And you'd been caught. And you couldn't brush her off. Not when she was looking at you like that.

"It's just..." You breathed in, struggling to know where to start, totally unprepared to have been put on the spot here at the studio. And then your instructor was calling everyone to get ready for class. Thank God.

"Later, okay?" You stood, extending a hand for Kiara to grab. She did so and shrugged her way to the middle of the dance floor with a puzzled expression ever glued on you. And that's how it stayed all night. She watched your face for a crack in its resolve. You just danced. You turned every 'what if' away from your mind and let the music flood your system. You ignored Kiara's curious glances and danced like your life depended on it.

When the hour was up and the group was heading out, Kiara made a beeline for you. But so did your instructor.

"Stay later?" He beamed, nodding your way as he walked off, having already decided for you it seemed. 

"I can wait up for you!" Kiara lifted her brows in a hopeful manner, stalling to put her shoes back on. 

"I don't know how long I'll be." You realized. Halfway trying to get her to give up, and halfway telling the truth. You knew Kiara was simply trying to check in with you. But if you hadn't even been ready to talk to Angus about everything, it sure didn't feel right to bring it all up to Kiara on a whim.

"I don't mind waiting. We could go for drinks or something. I just think-"

"Kiara... no. Please, I honestly can't do this tonight. Not with you." You spoke a little too quickly, a little too fiercely. You immediately regretted shutting her out as the words spilled from your mouth. And then you watched your friends face turn into a grimace.

"Don't be cunty to me when all I'm trying to do is be there for you." Kiara spat back before bending down to pick up her shoes. 

"Ki, I'm sorry-" You hurried to plea as she began to turn for the door. 

"I'll call you when I'm less pissed off." She waved her hand for you to stay back, to stop following her toward the door. As she began to push out of the exit, she stalled to turn back and say one last thing. "No, actually, you need to call me when you get over yourself." And with that she was gone. And she was right. But you had absolutely no time to process that interaction before your instructor was snapping for your attention. 

"You girls seem close." The man teased with a twisted sort of smile. You let out a huff of a laugh, uncertain how to otherwise respond to this man you knew absolutely nothing about outside of his dance credentials. He could kick higher than anyone you knew. And he always got a little too into the salsa, no matter his partner. 

"Anyway, you know we're all dying for you to nail next month's audition for the traveling team. I wanted to share some pointers with you, if you're serious about try outs?" The man reveled, smiling as he waited for you to respond. The studio was so quiet without the chatter from the others. Without the thuds from their feet parading across the floor. 

"Yeah, that would be so generous of you." You nodded. With your finals having gone horrifically so far, your newly forming plan was to nail this audition, hedge your bets on your newfound talent to land you a decent career while you were young and able. 

For the next half hour, as Chopin's Nocturne No. 2 filled the room, your instructor was straightening your posture after spins. You ignore the way his hands lingered at the bend of your waist. He watched you glide from one movement to the next, praising what you got right and coming over to correct your mistakes. He turned your head in the right direction. He moved your arms to fan out more evenly. He let his fingers trail across your spine as he rambled about how important visible strength was to the judges.

"You'll want to be certain of your timing. And you'll have to be confident in every little flex of your finger." The man hummed, "But if you're looking to nail down a yes for your audition now," He said, reaching out to move you a little too forcefully toward your mark, his grasp remaining. "There is one thing you could do."

Oh hell no.

"Fuck you." You hissed, shoving the instructor's hands away from your hips and shuddering at the realization of his implication. Watching the man's face fall into a frown when he realized you couldn't be so easily persuaded gave you a new set of chills.

"Let me be frank. If you don't sleep with me, I won't vote for you, and you need each judges vote to get in." As he spoke, he reached a bold hand toward you. There was no question in your mind to hesitate before you extended your own set of digits to slap across his face.

"How fucking dare you." You spat, moving in a hurry to collect your things. Your shoes were still off and you dropped your sweater on your way out the door. But there was no chance in hell you were turning back for it. All you could do was sprint toward the main road, desperate for a cab. 

This was all so fucked. You felt like you had absolutely nothing left to hold out hope for. You were failing school. You were pretty certain you'd ruined things with Angus because of a stupid drunken hook up. Kiara was pissed at you. Tom was dead. And you just had your only outlet for all this shit ruined by that creep of an instructor. 

You couldn't stop thinking of the last thing you heard Tom declare. How he was so ready to graduate and get the cat he'd always wanted and a job of his dreams. How he had it all planned out, and how you knew it'd been going well enough to likely come together the way he'd hoped. But it was all for nothing. And here you were, living some actual Shakespearean level nightmare. Why were you the one spared by fate? The one without a stich of the future figured out for the better. It wasn't fucking fair, for you to keep this farce of a life in crippled traction. It wasn't fair for Tom to be dead. You couldn't even successfully catch a cab. The road was bare of traffic.

But you weren't left stomping down the pavement long before a set of headlights blinded your vision.

"What the hell are you doing?" Soren's recognizable lilt came booming from beyond his cranked down pickup window. You stopped in your tracks, squinting to see his car stalling near the sidewalk just before you. "Get in here!"

You weren't going to argue, this late, this cold. You must've looked a sight, shoeless and tear stained. Soren's passenger seat was cluttered, but it didn't take him long to toss the books and papers to the back seat.

"Where the fuck are you coming from? Why are you crying?"

"Cause life is fucked up Soren." You sniffled, finally putting your shoes on. Your friend started to drive off then, but wouldn't stop asking what happened or if you were okay. 

"I'm fine. Thank you for the rescue."  

He explained that he was coming home from work. He asked if he should take you home, or to Angus' dorm. And that made a new spring of angry hot tears pool in your gaze. It was all you could do to breathe steadily, before shaking away your emotion to finally answer your friend.

"I'm so sorry. It's just been a really shit day. And that's really saying something lately isn't it?" You laughed, despite yourself, and so did Soren. Though his eyes stayed curiously drifting from the road to your slump to the right of him.

"Kiara and I had a weird fight. And then I quit dance class. And I left my favorite sweater there." You whined, ultimately deciding you owned someone an explanation. And Soren had already accepted you in his ride in your sorry state. 

"We can turn back! Do you want to get-"

"No." You demanded. "The instructor guy is a creep. I never want to see him again. And I don't want to see Angus. I just want to go home. Please."

Soren spoke your name lowly, begging to know more. But you couldn't. You just shook your head and thanked your friend again for the lift.

///

Claire

Kiaras cousin was a tall, sharp-witted model of a lawyer. She sat way to close to Angus on the loveseat, knees brushing. And he laughed way too hard at her jokes. It made you sick to watch the pair of them chuckle over a bottle of wine. What could they possibly have to laugh about? He was a brooding stick figure of a college student. And she was this blonde bombshell of an older woman. The pair of them colluding didn't make sense to you.

With the roll of your eye's you fled the living room for the kitchen, finding Kiara. She'd just finished perfecting another well made dinner. 

"Hey." You cautioned meekly, finding your friend shutting the oven door. The room was warm from the heat of the appliance. The air was thick with the scent of spices and herbs. Kiara turned to you with a faint smile, stalling for you to do the talking. And you knew you needed to.

"I'm really sorry I never called, like you asked. And I'm sorry for being so nasty that night." You frowned, meaning every word. You hated that your upset had spilled out into sharp words Kiara never should've received. 

"I'm sorry I called you cunty." Your friend shrugged before letting out a small chuckle. "But you can't keep shutting us out, babe."

Kiara's statement caught you off guard. You hadn't really realized that's what you'd been doing. But it was. You still hadn't given Angus any chance to talk. You yelled at Kiara when she asked what was wrong. And you brushed off Soren's concern when he gave you a lift home. But then a sudden irritation rose within you. 

"I guess I don't know what there is to say that you all don't already know. I guess I don't understand why Angus is laughing in the living room and why we're all pretending to have a nice dinner like everything is fine when it isn't."

"We're all still hurting," Kiara spoke your name, imploring for you to hear her. "What's so hard to understand about wanting to achieve some levity together?" Kiara sounded angry again, angrier than you. Angry at you.

"Why can't you let me be upset?" You quizzed, chest hot with misunderstanding.

"Why can't you let me move on?" Kiara demanded to know, voice full of emotion.

Just then Soren breezed in, setting his bag of comic books and weed on the kitchen island, asking how he could help set up for dinner. Kiara asked him to grab everyone drinks. Then she told you to carry out a pan of food to the table. Her tone was short and she wouldn't look you in the eye. You did as she asked, anger bubbling and brewing deeper in the pit of your stomach all the while. 

You ate dinner, asking Claire about Chicago. You pretended not to grimace at the sound of her shrill run on sentences. You reminded yourself your upset shouldn't be directed at this poor stranger of a woman. But it was hard not to seethe when she was sat in the fifth seat at the table. You and Soren each shared a glance or two of annoyance at Claire's hogging the nights conversation. 

When she wasn't speaking, Angus was asking her more questions. You watched him hang on her every word. You kept hoping he'd turn and give you those looks. You watched his fingers drum on the table, and wished his hands were holding yours. You realized then, just exactly how fucked you were. And how no matter when or how you had the inevitable conversation with Angus- that everything was different now between you two. When he started rambling about his thesis having something to do with ancient Roman law, you excused yourself again. 

Thinking fast, you gathered everyone's finished dinner plates to take to the sink, the perfect leave. Your anger dissolved into exhaustion by the time you reached the kitchen, you were getting a little sick of your own bullshit. You were growing weary over how out of control your life and emotions seemed these days. 

As you arranged the dirty dishes in the sink, something caught your eye from beyond the patio door windows. Through the never-ending fog of this San Fransico spring, a small grey blur. You turned your attention fully to the backyard, beyond the firepit, past the chairs. A slender grey cat was biting at the flowers Kiara planted for Tom. 

"Uh, guys." You called out for someone else to come and see this because there was no way they'd believe you if you simply told them. "Guys you have to come see this." You called again, a laughter breaking up your announcement. 

"What's wrong?" Angus came sauntering in, you heard him, but you didn't dare turn from the sight of the animal in the backyard. "Oh... my God." Angus approached, stalling at your side near the patio doors. He let out a chuckle too, disbelief painting a smile across his face that reached his almond eyes. You turned to look right at him. And he turned to look right at you. And for a moment you weren't sure what sight dazzled you more. The others came rushing in, pointing and laughing and standing in awe before the patio doors. The laughter that was born from shock kept erupting more and more between the four of you, until Soren was howling, and Angus was coughing and Kiara was nearly breathless.

"I don't get it. What's funny?" Claire asked, looming near the kitchen island with a look of perturbed wonder. Maybe Kiara was right. It was time to let some kind of light in.

///

"Open the dooooooor." Angus whined from outside your dorm, chanting the same thing over as you rushed to hide paper in your hands. It was a letter from your university.

You failed your finals. You failed this entire semester. 

Shoving the letter between your mattress and box spring, you clamored to unlock the door, letting your best friend inside. 

"Geeze, do you really have to lock all three locks on your door? I stood there freezing for hours it felt like, coulda died in that hallway."

"For somebody who came from a winter state you sure have a shit tolerance for temperature." You joked. But it had been a chilly spring. "I'm not taking my chances with the serial killers and the impatient East Coasters." 

Angus stood with his hands in his jacket pockets and that familiar brooding smirk on his face you were so damn endeared to. His smile was always a good sign. But still, you were suspicious of your friend's presence, still on uncertain terms.

"Want to come do laundry with me?" 

Finally, something normal. A usual request from Angus. A routine you could follow without question or wonder. Just a couple of spin cycles and whatever bullshit you each thought up to ramble over to pass the time. With a nod you grabbed your hamper and followed Angus to his car. The laundromat was a five-minute drive, one you spent turning the radio dials while Angus bitched about traffic. 

Inside the laundromat, rows of machines lined the walls and only a couple patrons stood separating whites from darks and folding fresh sheets. Some folk songs crackled from the speakers, but the whir of the dryers and washers drowned out the guitars. You each got down to business; loading your clothes into separate machines and lingering to wait on one another to head across the street. A diner waited, windows flooded with flyers and adds. 

Angus got you each a coffee and you ordered some fries. He mentioned going with Soren to a wedding in New York in a couple weeks. Yammering about summer plans. Angus considered the idea of tracking down his old professor when they got over there. You listened. You said you didn't have any plans. You clawed through topics in your head to keep up the facade of normalcy. But nothing could stop the silence that branched from the space in between you and your very best friend. You watched his lanky finger steal a fry from your basket without asking. You sat biting your lip instead of reprimanding him. 

"I took Claire on a date. Two nights ago." 

You nearly choked on the coffee you sipped to suppress your jitters. 

"Claire?" You rang, shooting Angus a look of disbelief. 

"I really like her. And she somehow really likes me." Angus reasoned, holding out a hand as if to pass along this information. You sat, playing back his sentence over and over in your head. Playing back the way they laughed together the night you met her. She seemed nice enough... But...

"I was going to wait and ask you... I don't know, for permission, I guess? But then I kind of figured if you wanted to talk about what happened with us, you would have by now. So that must mean you don't have anything to say, right? So, I asked Claire on a date. But then I felt like a real asshole about not telling you. So this is me... asking one last time. Do you want to talk about it? Do you care?" Angus ended his rambling admission by boring his dark eyes right into yours, and waiting. 

You sat, playing his words over and over. You sat remembering the warmth that filled your every cell when he first kissed you. You sat remembering how he said he wanted to do it again. You sat wondering why the fuck your body and your brain refused to function as a team, failing you from opening your mouth at all now. But if you couldn't do it... maybe Angus could.

"Do you? Care?" You dared to quiz the guy, your eyes darting between his, searching for understanding. 

"Wha- Why do-" Angus stuttered, his already furrowed gaze growing more perturbed by the second. "Are you listening? Do you hear me at all? I need to know how you feel." Angus leaned against the sticky table, as if his intense eye contact would get the answer he wanted out of you.

"I hear you." You breathed, nerves buzzing across your entire being.

"But are you listening?" 

"I can't stop you, Angus!" You finally burst. Anger pushed itself through your body until words formed against your better judgment. "If she makes you happy go for it. Hell, bring her over for dinner next Friday. It's the last one of the month."

Your friend sat obviously perplexed across from you. It was like he wanted you to tell him not to do it. But you couldn't stop Angus from living his life. You barely had control over your own these days. All you could muster up the ability to speak was a weak approval, despite the way your heart descended to your stomach.

///

"Here you are, dude." Soren handed you a coffee with a proud grin, like it was the first one he'd ever made. Your friend should've been proud, you ventured. His free spirit got the better of him years before now. He seemed to be finding his groove.

"Thanks sir. How'd you do on finals?" You really wanted to know his answer, knowing he'd worked so hard this year. Soren said he passed with flying colors. You said you knew he would. He said they'd all gotten together at Kiara's to celebrate. He said the cat came back. He said he really didn't think Angus and Claire made a good match at all. He wondered why you weren't there.

"I guess I wasn't invited. I haven't been a very good friend to Ki, lately." You shrugged. You knew you'd found yourself in this position by your own faults. But it still stung to know they'd gathered without you. 

"Oh. I thought it was an Angus thing." Soren shrugged. "He was real nervous about how you'd react to his asking Claire out and all."

"Yeah." You responded, searching Soren's gaze and watching him realize another customer was coming in. He smiled a sweet smile and hurried over to his register, giving you a wave from there. You shouted a 'see ya' on your way out.

///

You slaved over your stove the night Claire was meant to join your monthly get together. This all felt like a very bad idea. But Angus was your best friend. And you really did want to support him in whatever steps he put an effort into taking, in life.

Granted the two weeks they had been together were the longest of your college career. Tom was still dead, and Kiara was still cold with you. She let you come over and accepted your apologies. But she remained despondent the whole time you stayed, clearly in her head about things. But you understood what that was like. And weren't keen to push her further. 

Then your guests were here. And you felt even more like this was a very bad idea. But you played off your anxieties by deciding to pretend to be the best damn host on this side of the campus. You served Claire first and kept her glass of wine full and asked all about her life. Angus passed you several tight lipped smiles and subtle thank yous. You'd never met any girl he'd ever taken out. There had been a few, but none stuck around long enough. 

You could tell Claire really liked Angus. And he definitely deserved to be adored in the way the brilliant blonde was willing to adore him. But there was just something that undeniably clashed about their pairing. Maybe it was the fact she was a few years older, sleeker, more mature. Maybe it was how callow Angus seemed at her side. Or maybe it was just you.

When the night winded down and the girl offered to help you clean up, Angus went to the bathroom. And that's when a certain veil lifted. The pantomime of the evening enjoyed its intermission when Claire toted in a couple empty glasses to your sink. 

"I don't think I like you very much." She came right out with it. And not in a vindictive tone either. Just an honest one, and you respected that. 

"I see." You straightened your posture.

"I mean, you seem nice enough but... I don't like you around Angus. I'm sure if I ask, you'll lie but, have you two... ever..." The woman lifted a brow, drying off a couple plates as you rinsed some others. Passing a couple utensils through the water, you considered very carefully how to respond.

"Why should it matter? If nothing ever came of it?" You quizzed, shrugging your shoulders. The blonde at your side heaved a sigh through a gentle smile, continuing to help you clean up.

"Well, at least you didn't lie."

Angus swooped into the room soon after, suggesting it was time for himself and his date to take their leave. After a few minutes of pleasantries, they started out. But not before Angus flashed you an expressive lift of his brow, curl of his lip, as Claire turned to leave. He asked so much in that one glance, a talent of his you'd always been fascinated by. 

You flashed him a wide eye'd shake of your head, there was quite literally no time to talk about everything that had just happened tonight. But you hoped your face said it all just as well.

///

Soren sat across from you, hunched over his homemade lunch. You ordered a coffee from him before he took his break and scurried out to the tables to join you for a bit.

You swatted a strand of long sandy hair away from his meal and asked how he'd been. He mentioned being glad school was over for a bit. He mentioned the cat that kept showing back up at Kiara's patio door. He was convinced it was Tom, coming to visit. He knew it was crazy to think it, but he swore by his belief. He said Kiara thought he was nuts for it. He said she'd been grumpy lately anyway, cold. You selfishly hoped this meant she wasn't exclusively upset permanently with you. That she was just going through it.

"And don't even get me started on Angus and Claire." Soren scoffed, taking a bite of lunch. 

"Oh, please get started." 

"She's so possessive. Protective I could understand but she's possessive to a fault. He can't even bring up girls he works with, without Claire coming unglued." 

Well, that explained why you hadn't heard from your very best friend in a couple very long weeks. You phoned him the day after that fateful dinner. He never answered or returned the call. You hadn't even seen his car on the campus lot, as it began to empty out. Summer had officially begun, and most everyone was graduated or off coping with the last semester before the next one kicked off.

"He says hi, by the way." Soren rolled his eyes. "Shouldn't have to be the damn messenger. Jealousy confounds me." Your friend flared his nostrils and shook his head before taking another bite of his sandwich. You couldn't help but chuckle at your usually laid-back friend's fiery disposition.

"Thanks for filling me in. Wanna share some of that cookie?" You shrugged, changing the subject. There was nothing you could do to change the way things were. There was nothing more to say. You were beginning to cope with the fact that the morning Tom died, everything changed. Everyone was different for better or for worse. Life was different now. And you were beginning to cope with that fact.

///

Today was the day of auditions. You sure as hell were not about to show up and dance. But you couldn't stop staring at your calendar- and the note you'd left there ages ago to remind yourself about try outs. A fleeting wonder crossed you mind, about showing up anyway. A fleeting consideration pressed with in you, for the outcome if you were to dance your ass off to try and earn a spot you knew you'd never land- just to have the last laugh.

When the phone started to ring, your roommate answered. But it wasn't long until she was twirling the cord closer to you, heading to take over the sofa.

"You have a competition or something today, don't you?" Angus voice crackled through the telephone line. You leaned against the kitchen counter, eyes still glued to your calendar, and huffed a laugh. What an unexpected voice to hear, cutting through your what if's, today.

"No I uh, I changed my mind." You revealed. You hadn't told anyone what happened, not really. You felt like you had more pressing issues to consider, back then. And now you weren't sure if any of it still mattered or not.

"Oh." Angus replied in a shock that nearly took you by surprise. "Well in that case, want to go see a movie?"

He was outside your dorm honking ten minutes later. 

"I'm putting my shoes on, Geeze!" You hollered out the window. Angus yelled for you to hurry up, laying on his horn all over again. Your roommate started yelling soon after, demanding you get the hell out before Angus honking drove her bonkers.

"It's not my fault you called me so last minute!" You shouted, jogging to hop in his passenger seat. 

"It starts in like four minutes!" Angus whined to your amazement. He was such a pain in the ass sometimes. But then you smiled and realized that you hadn't been worried about something so trivial concerning Angus in a couple months. You'd missed the hell out of this. But... why was it happening now?

"Why did you call me to invite me to a movie if you thought I had a competition today?" 

"I called to wish you luck. And to apologize for not calling sooner. I've been pretty confused."

"Soren told me Claire's been a bit... territorial. You know that night at dinner while you were in the bathroom she told me she didn't like me?" You sighed a humorless laugh.

"Yeah." Angus scoffed a hopeless chuckle, breaking the speed limit all the while. You cursed at him to slow down before he went on to say, "She gave me an ear full that night too. And I wanted to respect her worries, ya know? Show her she had nothing to worry about. But then her worries turned into accusations, and the past two weeks have been constant interrogations with her. So, I broke up with her last night."

"Oh my God?"

Somehow, you actually didn't see that coming. Not so soon, anyway. Not so abruptly. While there wasn't much new information to process, the news still made your brain whir. A few billion what if's and what now's bubbled into the back of your mind while you realized the turn your evening had taken.

"I'm sorry she was rude to you. And I'm sorry I've been distant." Angus furrowed his brow and lowered his tone, speaking very seriously now. All the while he whipped his car into the movie theater parking lot and turned off the engine. "Now get out, we've already missed the previews. this is a Burt Renyolds film we're dealing with, go, go!"

"Oh my God, okay!" You hurried, slamming the car door shut. "No. Hey! Slow down it is not that serious." You remarked, following orders but refusing to jog at the speed Angus darted toward the theater doors.

Two tickets to The Longest Yard and one massive bucket of popcorn later, you were back to normal. Angus settled at your side and swatted at your hand when you reach for the popcorn at the same time as him. You plucked a kernel to toss at him in offense. He sighed and lifted a couple pieces to your lips as a silent apology. You chuckled and relaxed and thanked God for the turn of events. 

You learned not to take it for granted. It could very well be the last evening of its kind you got to share with Angus. Death and dates and all kinds of reasons kept getting in the way of normalcy for the pair of you. Maybe that's what adulthood was. Maybe that was life. But so was this. And for that you were grateful.

The ride home was short, and filled with chatter about the film. And when Angus pulled into an actual covered parking space instead of haphazardly in front of your building; you felt hopeful that meant he would stick around.

"Wanna come in for a bit?" You offered, glad for the way you'd been able to banter so easily tonight. Longing to stretch out your visit, craving connection with Angus for longer than a few weeks now.

"I gotta meet up with Claire to give her some stuff back. I owe her that much." Angus stretched out his words, leaning his head against the back of the seat, turning to give you a sorry smile. You could tell he didn't want to go, not really. But he was right.

"I've just really missed you." You decidedly shrugged, looking right at him. Not even just the way he touched you that night. But his well-meaning laugh and his stories about what he'd been reading. His looks for you to decode across rooms. Him.

Angus nodded, that brooding grin of his forming across his features. He reached a hand across the bench of his front seat, tracing a finger against your thigh. You watched his hand ghost to stall on your knee- before you held out a slacked arm, scooting closer all the while. You needed him to wrap his arms around you, no matter what that meant. No matter what he felt when he did it. You needed him to. 

And he did. Angus welcomed your embrace with his own, holding you tight in place for a moment before his head buried into the crook of your neck. You weren't even thinking when you moved your hands to brush his hair back. Angus moved as you did, his hold on you stayed steady, but his eye blinked up to meet yours.

And then you realized it was happening again. Your heart began to hammer, you knew he could feel it. Your brain buzzed with thoughts of only Angus. Your eye's longed to gaze more intently into his. Your hands wandered to consider the curve of his spine, the strength of his core.

"I've missed you too." Angus whispered, as his arms loosened, his hands trailing to the bend of your waist. 

The kiss that followed was fierce. Your teeth clashed with Angus' and your breath caught in your throat. His fingers gripped to grab at your shirt, yanking you toward him. Your knees settled on either side of his hips. Your nails scratched along his torso before landing on his belt. It was just like before, neither of you could move fast enough. Every move seemed detrimental. But no touch lingered long enough to drive you crazy. You wouldn't let it. You needed to get to the point.

Angus picked up on your desperate pace, aiding in undoing his belt while his lips brushed along your neck. A quick shuffle of fabric was the last step to take before you were easing into Angus' lap completely as possible. You were sober enough this time to think to lock eyes as you rocked against him, shivering at the sight of Angus slack jawed enjoyment. 

He let one hand brush across your cheek as his other clawed at your thigh, pulling you close as possible. You watched in awe as Angus stuttered a curse. You moved with intention, and he did too. Trailing his fingers from your face, to your chest, to the very middle of you- adding immensely to your pleasure. It was your turn to stammer curses and struggle to catch a steady breath. It wasn't long before you both reached your peak. But it felt like forever. It felt like all of time and space had collided to stall, as you shagged Angus in the front seat of his car. You relished every flame of feeling. You savored the way his eyes stayed locked with yours. You reveled in the smile that turned to corners of his lips upward. You had really missed him.

Quiet filled the car as you slinked up and away, falling into a puddle nearer the passenger seat. Angus cleared his throat, moving to fasten his trousers. 

"Now what?" He asked in a hush. 

"You gotta go. Right?" You shrugged. That was that. Right? 

/// 

The Summer

Kiara followed her internship to Canada for the season. Tom was still dead. You had no dance class. You had just failed your semester. Angus and Soren had left for some wedding in New York. Not that their absence mattered much anyway. Because your best friend hadn't spoken to you since the spontaneous movie night. Since the second more profound and regrettable hook up. Not that you wished you never done it. But that you wished you would have said something different when it was over. Something that didn't make Angus jaw clench as he watched you get out of his car.

Several days passed since you'd heard from Angus. Despite the few times you'd called and the once you'd turned up at his dorm only for his roommates to shrug and say he'd been out all night. Then it was time for the New York trip.

And it seemed unstoppable, the call from your bed to stay there. You had no reason at all to get up. You had nothing to do. Nothing to think about. For days you stayed locked up in your room, completely despondent to any and everything.

Then your roommate knocked persistently enough to stir you from your den. She mentioned her flight for Japan was in a couple hours and asked for a ride to the airport. Your bones ached to move, your brain longed for a fresher perspective. So, you decidedly ended your wallowing in your own despair to slip into a change of clothes and drive to the airport.

The drive was refreshingly quiet. The blue of the sky and the air through the windows made you feel free. Made you realize you were not as trapped in that little campus as you felt. Your roommate had been fiddling with the radio dial as you'd considered the great big world beyond her dodge dart.

"Oh my God, hey!" Your roommate chirped over the crackle of a news anchors morning announcements of weather and traffic conditions. "Today is your birthday, isn't it?"

"Holy shit." You realized. "It is." you'd been so lost in the cave you created out of bed sheets that you'd almost lost track of time. Your roommate proceeded to shower you with well wishes, asking if you had any plans. 

You did. Earlier in the year, Angus talked you into going out on this date, having a ball. When you'd each gone through the calendar at the start of the year, you realized each of your birthdays were on the last Friday of either month. Angus said that was too crazy to be a coincidence. He said you needed to make the most of these celebrations. But that was back when things were different. 

"Not sure. After I drop your car off, I'll see where the day takes me."

"About that." Your roommate proceeded to inform you that she wasn't just visiting Japan. She'd decided last minute to move there, start anew. She had a fiancé and a place to go, and an abundance of plans. She wondered if you could leave her car for sale in the school lot and mail her the money. Lots of favors from this one today, you thought. But then...

"How much?" You wondered. Your roommate rambled about how much she paid for it, thinking of selling it for half the price now. 

"I'll buy it." You blurted, surprising yourself even. You'd had funds saved up now with nothing to spend them on. You may as well had started thinking of your new path forward. 

"Oh, that's right," Your roommate realized you'd been without your own transportation for a while now, and said she felt silly for not thinking to offer it to you right away. Once stalled outside the airport you wondered how much money you stashed in your wallet, finding only a couple hundred dollars. Your roommate stuck her hand out as you passed her the bills, but you were shocked when she handed you most of it back. 

"Happy birthday, and thanks for the ride. It was nice bunking with you!"

In the span of a thirty-minute ride you'd been shown a kindness that filled your heart. You'd considered new sets of hope you'd never knew existed. You saw the sun. You gained a car. You turned another year older. 

Driving back to campus, dread threatened to overcome you once more. But it was your birthday damn it. You had to find some way to keep yourself from slipping back into that bed of yours. 

To the cafe, it was. And to your surprise, Soren was there. 

"Happy birthday!" Soren smiled, arms opened wide behind the counter of his job. You chuckled and leaned across the sticky space to hug your friend. He said he'd tried to stop by your dorm this morning but no one answered. He must've arrived there as you left.

"I forgot you were meant to be back so soon." You said.

"My flight landed a couple days ago, Angus stayed to meet up with that old teacher he always talks about." Soren shrugged, going on to gush about the wedding they'd attended. And how much fun the boys had free of studies and schedules, away together. You stood there and listened, happy for Soren on one hand. Hurt by Angus absence all the while.

"Angus didn't say when he'd be back. But I swore I saw his car today. Could've just smoked too much before my shift though." Soren laughed as he poured you a coffee, free of charge. For your birthday, he insisted. You smiled and thanked your friend. Pursing your lips to suppress the surprising amount of emotion that rose within you at how kind everyone was being today. How much you didn't feel like you deserved their kindness.

"Thanks. Have a good shift, friend." 

Your next stop was the market. Your cupboards were bare, you already knew. And now that you were out of your stupor, your stomach ached with hunger. Some dinner, a drink, and a little tiny cake because why the hell not. Whether you deserved everyone else's kindness, you were allowed to make the most of today, right?

The afternoon passed slowly, light turning to dark outside. You considered Soren's story, how he thought he saw Angus' car today. How there was a chance he was back on campus. With a shot in the dark, you rang his dorm with your fingers crossed. No one answered, but you couldn't be too disappointed. He was still on the East Coast, you decided. He would've stopped by today right? If he was back in town, and if he knew it was your birthday, he would've stopped by. 

But then, you knew he knew it was your birthday. And night turned to morning, and he hadn't called. He would've at least called, right? If you hadn't fucked it all up, he would've. If everything hadn't changed, he should have. But all of a sudden it was four in the morning. And the slice of cake you'd saved just in case Angus came around was swiftly sent to the garbage. And the realization that everything was different was followed by the understanding that you didn't have a single thing stopping you from starting all over.

You cleaned up and found your suitcase and started throwing things in. Forming a quick plan, you found a notebook and a pen and hurriedly wrote your friends name on one side and a quick note on the other. Even though you were pissed at Angus, and hurt and confused by the turn your friendship had taken, he still deserved a goodbye.

'i dropped out. might call when i get settled someplace. here is to hoping you'll answer if i do'

It was cutting. It was short. But it was all true, and it wass the best thing you could think up, so hastily. You zipped your bags and threw them in your new back seat. You marched to Angus' dorm and slid the note under his door. You zoomed off campus and felt the weight of all that had happened fall from your chest.

You looked ahead as day light broke on the horizon, and smiled.

///

The Future

For a month, you kept your job cleaning houses, crossing the bridge to the rich neighborhoods as often as you could. You'd found a perfect little flat on the outskirts of a suburb. You even considered applying to some of the shops along the town's strip so you wouldn't have to drive as often.

You'd banked on the kindness of delivery drivers to help you move a bed and a few other furnishings into your new space. You'd decorated with mementos you'd clung to from childhood, and a couple pictures of the four greatest friends you'd ever had. When Tom was still alive, and everyone was carefree. Though all of that had ended, the photos you cherished from before brought you the same happiness you'd felt when the snapshots were taken.

You'd called Soren once or twice. To make sure someone knew you weren't dead. To make sure he was still showing up on time to work and to listen to the plot of whatever comic he was in the middle of reading. If conversation began to drift too far outside of those topics, you'd let your friend know you had to go, but promised to keep in touch.

You were just starting to feel like life made sense. You were just beginning to consider that not all hope was lost. While you were still at a loss for what to hope for, you were beginning to consider that there was a future beyond despair. Maybe it was finally time to call your best friend. Maybe you could talk to him now, without completely losing it...

You kept these thoughts at bay, not daring to let them spin your mind and soul into a depression. You pulled into a gas station, deciding only to occupy your afternoon with trivial things. With easy thoughts and simple tasks. You were allowed to do just that.

Just as you began to lose track of your thoughts in a daydream, leaned against your trunk watching the gas fill- a car screeched recklessly into the gas station lot. A woman carrying a couple of fountain sodas scurried out of the way of the boxy car and nearly dropped her beverages. A couple by standers cursed out the hapless driver as the car continued to skirt crookedly behind yours. You knew that make and model. You knew that scratched passenger door.

Oh, God.

Angus was clamoring from the driver's seat, slamming his door before he stomped up right to your face, yelling for the whole lot to hear.

"You dropped out?" Angus hissed. His dark curls bobbing as he pointed an angry finger your way. You saw a funny little rage in his gaze. And that pissed you off more than you'd already been.

"Oh, you found my note? How long did it take you?" You jabbed. "Three or four days? Week or two?"

"You can't drop out! There is only one year left!" Angus was in awe, waving his hands at you, yelling like there was a bubble between the pair of you he had to shout past to get your attention.

"I'm surprised you're aware of that. Haven't necessarily been keeping track of important dates as of late, have you?" You shot the guy a glare that could have killed him if your eyes were lasers or worse.

"Look, I know. I'm sorry. I am sorry." Angus whined your name, reaching out to grab your arm as you adjusted the gas pump from your car to its holder.

"For what?" You challenged. Because you believed he still hadn't realized how important this last time his absence had been.

"For going M.I.A. For not calling. For... everything. I have missed you, I just-" Angus sighed and cast his eyes down in shame you could feel begin to radiate from him. But ache as your heart might've for him, because it always had, you were far from done being mad.

"You've never missed my birthday before." You rose a brow, a sting filling up your chest that you had to make it so obvious to him. Angus head rose up slow, his downtrodden gaze turned into one of shock horror.

"Oh my God, no." He frowned. "No, no, no- I'm... so sorry," Angus called your name as you rolled your eyes and turned to open your car door. His please for you to stop mixed among a billion sorry's in the span of a minute. His hand stalled on your driver's door, and you stood glaring as Angus began to ramble. "Soren barely knew you'd left. He couldn't help me." Angus explained. "I went all around campus asking if you'd told anyone where you'd gone. So last resort, I drove across the bridge to Miss Julie's to ask if she'd seen you, and finally-"

Mid sentence, your brain whirred. This mother fucker drove an hour and a half across the city to ask a woman whose house you cleaned every other weekend if she'd seen you? Okay, maybe he cared more than you thought.

"And you don't call, you don't write, you leave me a vague ass note like I-"

And then you were pissed again. Because you did call. Angus was the one who left you hanging this last time.

"Angus, we are not doing this here." You swatted at him, breaking his grip on your car door. With a heavy sigh you asked him to follow you to your new little flat. Where you could yell all night long without a lot full of strangers gawking at the pair of you.

Your grip was white knuckled the whole drive home. Your heart was in your throat. There was no getting out of whatever confrontation that laid ahead with you and Angus. This was it.

You parked in your usual spot and marched toward the apartments to the tune of Angus slamming his door. You reached your home in a couple of turns, unlocking the door, and letting it swing open behind you. Angus slithered in as you hurried inside, straight for the bottle of rum on your counter. Finding two glasses in the cupboard, Angus stalled in the middle of your living space and decidedly went on where he left off. 

"Why the hell didn't you tell me about dropping out?" He called your name. His voice was softer than it had been at the gas pump. But his tone was more desperate. You took a sip of your drink, and slid his toward the end of the counter, locking eyes. You moved closer toward where he stood as Angus went on. "Why the hell didn't you tell me what happened with that dance instructor. Shit, you barely told Soren. But he knew. Why won't you talk to me?" Angus brought a hand to his middle, like he was holding in everything from spilling over. His usual brooding expression was downcast more than usual. His hair a little longer. His eyes still your favorite pair. You had really missed Angus.

"I don't know Angus! I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I tried so hard to pass finals and I failed harder the more I tried. I gave everything I had to that dance class, and it blew up in my face. And then you... us... I couldn't afford to fuck up anymore. I had to go." You spoke, emotion raising in your voice as you stood sweeping a hand to gesture as you explained.

"You didn't fuck everything up. You can still take summer classes. You can fix it. You can find a new dance class. And I... you didn't fuck us up." Angus declared, speaking clearly but wearing a look as if he may have been unsure of himself. You watched as your friend took a few steps toward the drink you poured him. In the matter of a moment, his taste of rum was gone, and he was shamelessly reaching for the bottle to pour another drink.

"What if what I want doesn't matter?" You started, as he poured. "I tried so hard to pass and I failed. I tried so hard to dance and none of my practicing mattered more than a sexual favor would've. What if... what if I want you? What will the catch be? Because there seems to always be one, with me." You'd never been more clear. 

"Look I wasn't sure what we were going through at first." Angus sighed after sipping his second drink. And then he took a moment to glance about the room, seeming to decide something. "But then I went to that wedding, and I realized exactly what I wanted and how I felt. It's still confusing, you and me. But I want there to be a you and me, okay?" He seemed to mean it. He seemed to really mean what he said. But there was still a look of unnerve painted across his features.

"Angus you forgot my birthday." You reminded, downing the rest of your drink. Cocking his head sorrily, Angus reached for the rest of his rum.

"I know." He said. "And I'm sorry. I was late getting back into town." Angus sighed. "And my mother was in my dorm room when I got back, imagine that surprise-"

"Your mom?" You gasped. In the entire three and a half years you knew Angus, he'd only spoken about the woman twice, and spoken on the phone with her once. She'd never come to visit. As you processed this information you watched Angus' jaw clench, his teeth dig into his lip, his brow darken. 

"Yeah, so my dad... he, uh-" Angus blinked up to the ceiling, unable to hide the tremble in his voice.

"Angus, no."

"I tried to visit him when I was out there, after I met up with Paul. But when I asked to see my dad they said he'd been moved out of the facility for months, moved to some hospital, no one could remember which. And then my flight... And she didn't even tell me he'd been sick. She refused a funeral. And I never even got to say goodbye." Angus spoke like every word tore at his throat. Tears pooled in his eyes, falling when they filled up too much. 

"Why didn't you start with that?" You rang, unable to comprehend how so much loss and hurt could continue to reign over this year. You stepped forward to reach for Angus, grabbing at his arms and moving to smooth back his hair, wiping away the tear drop he missed with his sleeve.

"Because" Angus implored, shockingly ready with an answer. "This has been way too confusing for way too long and I couldn't keep it in any longer." He waved at the space that existed between you and himself, keeping his bloodshot brown eyes lasered to yours all the while. "If I want you, and if you want me, then what's stopping this from happening for us?"

"Because," You began, deciding in this moment to be brutally honest. The most honest you'd been all year. "I'm scared."

Angus shook his head, rejecting your reasoning. 

"You don't think I'm fucking scared too?" He huffed like it was obvious. But it hadn't been to you. "I love you. And that's terrifying. I'm in love with you. Enough to wait for you to say it back, if you want to. But you better only decide against this if you don't want it. You can't let this pass us by just because you're scared."

You struggled to hold back the tears springing into your eyes. You struggle to croak out any response that wasn't a curse. You struggled to wrap your mind around all that had been said. You couldn't help but let a sob escape, too overwhelmed by it all.

And then Angus was crying too, really crying. There was no reason left to hold back, to keep emotions locked down. Everything was out in the open now. Every tattered heartbroken truth had been shared. And there was nothing you could do to make it all better, no way to make sense of it in a flash. But you knew you could wrap your arms around Angus and hold on for dear life. 

When his lips met the crown of your head, you were reminded of every time he'd done so before. You were reminded of every late-night pub crawl and bad first date and mean teacher. You remembered every weekend road trip, every movie night in, every homemade dinner. And then you thought of now. You thought of all the hurt. You thought of all the tension and all the grief and all the looks across rooms shared with Angus. You hadn't a clue how to move ahead with him. You wanted to move ahead, but you just couldn't see how.

You began to push away. You shouldered out from Angus' hold on you and wiped at your eyes with a sleeve. You, gently as possible, moved his hand that clung to your side still. 

"Don't do that. Don't shut me out again." Angus implored; voice still wrought. Eye's still bright with sadness. 

"I know it's not what you want but I don't have any other answer for you right now. I'm sorry about everything too, Angus. I'm so sorry about your dad. But I can't- I don't know. Not yet." You sniffled. 

"This didn't go how I hoped." Angus released a heavy sigh, turning to pace before your kitchen counter. "But I'm gonna do what I said." He pointed at you. "I'm gonna wait and hope you'll give me a chance. I just need to make it clear that I don't want any version of my future to be without you in it. So... whatever you decide... I just love you okay? Do you hear me?" Angus rang. Then you remembered how he asked that same question at the diner. 

"I'm listening. And I hear you. And I'm sorry. Just... give me more time."

Angus left that afternoon with a grin when you asked him to stop back again in a couple days. And you went to bed that night in tears, happy or sad you weren't sure. 

///

A few months had passed since Angus appeared out of nowhere and berated you in the gas station parking lot. He was starting his final year of school. He stopped over most Fridays, and some nights in between. Sometimes Soren came with him, and you'd all stay up past midnight cackling like a band of fools. You'd sent Kiara your new address, and she sent some post cards from Canada. The messages she included were never very long, but she always signed her name with a heart dotting the I. 

On the weekends Angus hung around, he mentioned missing Tom. He mentioned wishing he didn't have to miss Kiara too. Wishing for one more night all together. When Angus hung around, he talked a lot about his studies and the stories from the history books he'd been learning. When he hung around, he'd sometimes end up staying the night. When he left the mornings after, he'd always end up coming back around.

You kept cleaning houses. You kept those old pictures hung up like trophies. You wondered about finding a new dance studio on this side of town. But you weren't sure if you were ready. So, all things considered, you went to that little cafe on your old campus to find a friend for lunch.

"So, I went to Claires house yesterday." Soren began his story with a wry grin, unwrapping his meal from home. The coffee shop was busier than usual, full of students new to campus and ones eager to leave. "I asked her if that cat still hung around. Long story short she said if I could catch him, I could keep him. So I went to the gas station on the corner and bought a bag of jerky. Set up a little trail from the fence to the patio. It was about an hour before the little guy showed up. He didn't even go for the jerky he just came right up to me and let me pick him up!"

Soren went on to explain how easy it was to take the cat home and how soundly the pet had been sleeping in his window sill. You laughed and beamed and felt glad for the outcome on your friend's behalf. You couldn't imagine the basket case he'd have become if the cat fought his capture. 

The cafe began to crowd with more people, somehow, standing between tables that all filled up with patrons. Soren sighed and rushed to finish his food, knowing they'd want his help the busier business got. 

"We really need to meet up sometime when it's not your break." You mentioned. He nodded, sharing part of his dessert like he always did. 

"Do you always bring your lunch? I never see you order here." You realized, suddenly. Besides coffee, there were some reasonably decent snacks the cafe had to offer. But Soren never seemed to indulge.

"I don't even like coffee, man." 

You laughed and wondered why the hell he worked here then. 

"It's the first job that called me back after an interview. It's the job that got me out of debt. I love it here. Everything comes full circle, ya know?" Soren explained, but you asked him to go on still. 

"It's like with Tom. He died, man. But that little grey cat that ate the flowers we planted for Tom lets me feed him fast food every night. You can't convince me that's not my friend. He came back." Soren waved a hand, as if to rope his next point in with the one he'd just made. "I needed money, I got a job and made enough to pay off my debt and enough to pack my own lunches every day. Everything we want is already ours. If it doesn't happen one time it'll happen another. It's all a big circle."

Somehow, a light switched on in your brain. Somehow, everything you'd been worried about didn't feel so heavily weighed on your chest. Somehow, you had an answer for Angus.

"Soren, you brilliant hippie freak." You gawked at your friend in awe as he rushed to take one last bite of the sandwich he'd brought. Soren was hurrying to stand, hurrying to get back to work. And you were suddenly in a rush too, now that everything clicked. With a quick hug goodbye, you darted for the shop doors, excusing yourself through a crowd of grumpy college students eagerly awaiting their caffeine fix.

///

Your home was quiet, the good kind. Stillness welcomed you as your thoughts continued to align in place for what felt like the first time in your entire life. Your brain was free of cluttered worries. Your heart was beating at a steady pace. It was all clicking. And you even still had a couple hours to make a decent dinner for two.

Angus arrived when he said he would, bursting in the door with complaints of teachers who were bad at their jobs and students who were too dumb to care. You laughed and listened and set a place at your table for him. Over dinner, you talked about considering dancing again. Angus encouraged you. He talked about taking a year after graduating to relax. You said he should. You each helped clean up easily and welcomed the quiet together. 

You each floated to the couch afterward like you were used too by now. You let the telly play whatever was on, and relaxed under the weight of your best friends arm that laid over your shoulders.

"Angus..." You decided, grabbing his attention as both of your eyes stayed glued to the actor on the screen. Your friend hummed in response. 

"I miss the way everything was before." You admitted. You missed your friends, the nights you all spent as a group. You missed the life you'd had worked out for yourself back then. You noticed Angus had turned his head to face you, his brows lifted as if to display sympathy. His grief free to reveal itself for a moment. Angus' almond eyes floated from his lap to meet yours as you shot him a pursed shrug. 

"It scares me that this is what life has played out like." You went on, watching Angus watch you speak. His eyes landed on your lips. His voice was a whisper when he asked you to go on. 

"What if we keep changing?" You implored, nodding toward Angus as his gaze danced from your eyes to your mouth. "If we fall in love I want it to stay that way. I can't have you be my next great disaster. I'd rather keep you at a distance than dare to let you break my heart somehow." You revealed. 

Angus rose his hand to brush across your face. He let his fingers find your hair and curl among the strands.

"We've already lost a bit of what we were before, haven't we?" You begged for clarification, validation, mutual understanding. If you were gonna let him in, you needed Angus to remember all the reasons you'd been weary to do so, up till now. You needed to make sure his mind hadn't locked onto worry and changed.

He was pressing a gentle kiss to your lips then. A simple soft gesture that lingered with intention. 

"Why does it have to be lost? Why can't it just be changed for the better?" Your friend wondered, his voice low, his presence before you whole and consistent as ever. You'd heard enough to shut up and kiss him back. And then it was happening, what usually happened when Angus kissed you. Your heart hammered and your brain latched onto thoughts of only him and your hands gripped to pull him close. 

Angus dragged you to bed, something that had happened a few times here, in this new reality. You did all the things there that you had done before. You marveled over how Angus held you and cared for you and stared at you with undeniable adoration.

And after a while, when you'd both done all you could do, you laid there still. In the low lamp light, you stayed tangled up with Angus, running fingers through his hair and listening to his heartbeat. And you talked about what compelled each of you to kiss in the first place. You talked about how you felt the night he shagged you on the guest bedroom floor. He talked about how overwhelmed he was when you boned him in the front seat of his car. You collectively wondered how different things might've turned out if Tom didn't die. If school went better. What life would look like now, if things were different.

"I don't know. I've been worried that I don't have control over anything. Like my whole life has just happened to me. What if that's like... my curse?" You sighed, staring up at the amber glow from your bed side lamp.

"I've been where you are, before. When I met Paul. And one night he told me 'your history doesn't have to define your destiny.' And that rocked my world, man." Angus lamented. "I wish I could explain it all away for you just as easy. But all I can do is wait, and hope something clicks for you. Wait and hope you'll see something good enough in me to let me prove it to you. That's what love is, isn't it? Or could be?"

"Yeah. It already clicked for me." You revealed. It was time. It was easy to admit. It was true. Angus hummed as a plea for clarity, tapping his finger against your temple out of habit, you assumed. 

"It already clicked for me. That can be what love is. We can be in love and scared about it together." You said. 

The room filled with a quiet you were familiar with. Angus laid still beneath you. Until finally he spoke up. 

"You mean that?" 

Soren said that everything you may have wanted in life was already yours. And some how that made sense. No matter that Tom died, he was your friend. Nothing could change that fact. Kiara had been so distant, but she was writing to you. She came back. Soren caught the cat. And Angus laid in your bed. And no matter what had happened before, he was here now, and you didn't want to take that for granted out of fear it might all slip away. 

With a grin and a nod, you shifted to meet Angus' almond eyes. His were hazy under his brooding brow. You were glad you didn't have to miss him anymore. He was all yours. You'd always belonged to him whether you realized it or not. And nothing was going to change that.

///

That holiday season you joined Angus on a trip to the East Coast. He made fun of you for being so cold but shared his jackets all the while. Angus took you to all the places his dad used to like. You helped him hold a memorial his mother denied planning, and neither of you mentioned her at all. 

You sat beside him in a cab, watching a steady snow fall collect along the sidewalks. You were on your way to meet your boyfriend's favorite old teacher. You planned to tell him all about Tom. In fact, you had a lot of plans that featured Angus these days. And he, with you. And of that you were very happily certain.

[a-court-of-fics-and-errors]

Keep Moving Forwards, Part 21

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Azriel x Reader Fic

Summary: After finally deciding to leave your abusive and manipulative mate for good, you find unexpected companionship with Azriel, the Shadowsinger of the Night Court. As you navigate the aftermath of your traumatic relationship, you struggle to understand where the mating bond went wrong and contemplate your path forward, vowing never to return to the past.

Find other parts here: Master List

To follow this fic, follow tag "Keep Moving Forwards Fic" or comment to be tagged in future parts.

Content Warning: This story contains depictions of extreme emotional manipulation and abuse, detailed descriptions of direct physical abuse, and scenes of men hunting women with implied sexual assault. Please read at your own risk.

Word Count: 3.7K

Author's Note: This is a multi-part series. Unlike my previous works, this fanfiction delves deeper than just fluff, exploring complex emotional landscapes. As I navigate this new writing journey, I kindly ask for gentle feedback. The topics addressed are profoundly impactful, touching many lives with diverse experiences. Please be gentle with yourselves and others. Healing is a journey, and everyone processes it differently. Be kind to yourself. Take what resonates, and leave what doesn’t.

Please continue reading, being aware of the above content warnings, ensuring you are in a healthy headspace. Give yourself time to process and be gentle with yourself.

Caelum stood before you, leaning casually on the corner of a stone building. You took him in, and he seemed almost larger than the last time you had seen him. His shoulders, under that wool hunting jacket, seemed broader, his legs longer, and his hands larger. His blond hair, which you used to trim back to keep tight to his scalp, was now much longer, the tips of it barely brushing over his shoulders. His beard, usually kept in stubble, had now grown in more fully, but those green eyes were still the same, filled with the same hatred and lust that they always had been.

You pushed yourself back so your back hit the side of the barn as he just looked at you, his eyes tracing you up and down as he took you in. “You look good,” he continued, pushing off the wall and taking a few steps forward.

Your eyes widened as he closed the gap between you two, the overwhelming scent of spruce and sage filling your nose as he stood a mere arm's length away. He gazed down at you again, “You’ve put on some weight,” he commented nonchalantly as your heartbeat pounded in your ears.

You swallowed hard, trying to steady your breath, your voice barely above a whisper, “Please, Caelum, just leave me alone.” 

He smirked, his eyes narrowing as he leaned in closer, “Oh, love, you know I can’t do that. You’re my mate. Sacred and forever.” You pressed harder against the barn, feeling the rough wood digging into your back. “Two parts of one whole creature,” he said, placing his hand firmly beside your head while his other hand traced the side of your cheek. He smiled, a catlike grin as you flinched away from his touch. Your entire view was consumed by his body as you whimpered. “Forever destined to roam the world in search of the other.” He placed his other hand to the opposite side of your head, closing you in. “So many others spend lifetimes searching for their mate, and now that we found each other, you would want to throw that all away? And over what?”

You hardened your gaze on him, “Over you beating me, and screaming at me, and making me wish for death.”

Caelum merely rolled his eyes, “You were always one for drama, my love, you always did love little stories.”

You pushed your hands against his chest, though he didn’t move. “You beat me!” you screamed.

“I never hurt you more than you could handle.”

“You broke my nose and jaw!”

Caelum raised his eyebrow, his fingers drumming the wood, “I seem to recall you fell backward and hit your face on the counter.”

You shook your head as you stammered out, “You put me on the kitchen floor and kicked me.”

His mouth turned down as he seemed to search through memories, “I can’t seem to recall that. You sure you weren’t just dreaming?”

You just shook your head again as you said, “No, no, I know that all happened.”

Caelum let out a sigh, letting one hand drop to his side, the other still firmly planted next to you. “Y/N, I know that I had problems—”

You shot out, “You’re a psychopath.”

Caelum’s face fell flat as he continued, “With drinking. But,” his face lifted, “I’ve stopped drinking altogether.” You scoffed out a laugh as his face became more serious, “Honestly, Y/N, I haven’t had a single drink since you left.”

You tried to steady your breathing, “Good for you.”

“For us,” he corrected, taking your hand in his. You recoiled at his touch, but his grasp was tight enough that you couldn’t pull away. He pulled your hand to his chest, placing it over his heart. “I know I’ve done things that I regret, and I know that I’ve hurt you. But things are better now. I promise.”

You looked at his eyes, seemingly innocent but also void of any emotion other than greed. “You can’t change who you are.”

“You have to give me a chance.”

You screamed back, “I gave you over a century's worth of chances!”

“We have a lifetime, my love.”

“A lifetime of brutality and rage?” you spat at him.

His face turned harder, “Of love and adoration.”

“Two feelings you are incapable of having.”

A flash of anger ran across his face as he stared down at you, his chest nearly pressing into yours as he leaned in closer. Your heart caught in your throat as he gently moved the braid from your neck, leaning into it and breathing in deeply as he went to place a small kiss on the soft flesh behind your ear. But he paused, breathing in again. He pulled back, a smirk on his face as you caught his eye. “So you’ve been whoring yourself out?”

You furrowed your brow, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He merely scoffed, nodding his head as he bit down on his lower lip, his head tilting slightly, “I know my mate’s scent. And I know that that stench on your neck isn’t yours. And unless someone isn’t almost on top of you, you won’t hold that scent this long.”

“Caelum—” you warned, trying to wiggle your way to the side and away from him, but he planted his hand firmly on the opposite side of you. “Caelum, stop it. You’re being idiotic.”

“Is he charming?” he taunted. “Is he so kind, and sweet, and gentle?”

“Stop it,” you hissed.

“Does he know that if he runs his fingers on the small of your back that it will make your toes curl and you’ll melt?”

“Caelum—”

“Does he fuck you softly?” Caelum moved in close to your face, merely a whisper, “Does he know that you like your hair pulled?”

“Please—” you pleaded.

Caelum traced his tongue up the side of your throat, “Mm, I can almost taste him,” he whispered. “Was he in you this morning? You little slut.”

Your body shook with terror and revulsion. You tried to push him away, but he was immovable. Your breath came in ragged gasps, your vision blurring with tears. “Caelum, please, just go.”

He laughed softly, a chilling sound that made your blood run cold. “I’m not leaving without you.”

You pulled back slightly as he leaned against you again, “Just let me go.”

Caelum pressed a kiss into your neck which made you whimper in fear and disgust, “You are mine. You bonded yourself to me and promised that you would always be mine, and I would always be yours.” He pressed in another kiss as you gulped down the rock that had formed in your throat. 

“I am not your property.” You hissed. 

Caelum gripped your chin, pulling you to look at him as he hardened his gaze, “You didn’t get to decide that, love. The bond was formed. It’s unbreakable. You are mine, and I will always come for what is mine.” Caelum leaned in close, pressing his lips hard against yours as you struggled against him. Your mouth twisted into a scowl as you shoved him back, but his strength and large frame kept him planted in place.

You shouted out, “Caelum, stop!”

Your mate grabbed you around your waist, holding you in place, continuing to force himself onto you as you struggled, crying out for him to stop.

“Hey!” you heard from behind him. Caelum did not immediately turn. Instead, he took a deep inhale, grinning like a predator.

He turned slowly as your chest heaved, your eyes wide. “So you're the one who’s been keeping my mate warm and limber,” he said.

“Kai,” you called out, reaching your hand forward, but Caelum threw his own back.

“Not now, my love. The males are talking.” Caelum took a few steps forward, casual as Kai met him with a hard gaze. While tall, Kai had nothing on Caelum, who towered over him, and for as muscular as Kai was, your mate had at least forty pounds on him.

When Caelum approached, Kai merely stared up at him. “She doesn’t want you here.”

Caelum scoffed. “How can you know what she wants?”

“You don’t have the right to come and force her back with you.”

“Oh, but I have all the right. She’s my mate. She bound herself to me.”

“She doesn’t have to stick by that choice.”

Caelum smiled, a light laugh pushing from his nose. “See now, maybe you don’t understand because you don’t have a mate, but when you bond with someone, they enter your mind, your soul, so to speak.” Caelum turned around, wrapping his arm around Kai’s shoulders as he pulled away and pointed at you. “And the lovely female before us decided almost a century and a half ago, give or take a decade, that she would devote her life to me. And I to her.” Caelum turned his attention back to Kai. “So by reasonable understanding, I would say that she made her choice, and as adults, we stand by our choices.”

Kai’s gaze hardened. “Your sick interpretation of the mating bond means nothing to me.”

Caelum’s lips dropped, and he shrugged his shoulders, taking a few steps back towards you. “It doesn’t have to mean anything to you. You’re not involved. And even if she somehow, in a world that doesn’t exist, decided to continue running from me and deny the bond that so rightfully was agreed upon, I would still live forever in her mind, for every little moment.” Caelum pressed his finger to his temple. “Because even while she can be so incessantly frustrating, closing down the bond, or trying to shove me back, she can’t do it all the time.” Caelum turned back to you. “In those little moments, when you’re asleep, when you’re in pain, or even when you’re in ecstasy, the moments where you forget to shut me out, I feel you.” Caelum took a few strides towards you. “And I’ve been so patient. Feeling your ribs crack and break, listening to your screams, feeling the terror coursing through you while you watch your friend be slaughtered in front of you, or the rush of arousal when you touch someone else. All those moments, I sat by and watched, waiting for you to beg me to come get you and come home.” Your eyes widened, suddenly aware of everything that he might have seen in the months since you had been gone. Caelum closed the gap between the two of you, his breath hot in your face as you stared at him. “You, my love, so strong, and yet also incredibly weak. Sorry to hear about your mother, by the way. Perhaps you are more like her than you thought.”

From behind, you heard Kai, “What? What is he talking about?”

Caelum’s eyes widened, his smile lengthening as he raised his brow. “Oh, so you haven’t shared that little detail with him?” You gulped. “Well, let me fill you in on the details, Kai.” Your mate turned to him, Kai’s name in his voice filled you with venom. “You see, while you were out with your friends last night, my mate went on some soul-searching journey back home.” Kai looked to you as you tried to plead with him through your gaze not to listen. “And she learned that mommy dearest had been raising her in a pleasure house and had a rather nasty habit of using drugs to get through her day.” Caelum turned to you. “Isn’t that right?” You said nothing, the lump in your throat seeming to constrict any words from leaving you. “And who knows what all my mate witnessed,” his eyes flicked to you, “or felt.” He turned back to Kai, who looked only at you. “And it turns out that all those memories my sweet mate has of her mother aren’t really real, are they? No, her cute little head as a child just thought mommy was that caring and generous when really she was whoring herself out around the city for drugs.”

You whipped your head to your mate. “Shut up,” you hissed.

“But it’s true, isn’t it?” he asked back. “All of it? And then your mother took you into the woods and raised you there until she left you. She left you to go back and get high again.”

“Stop it,” you warned.

“And then, when you were so, so sad, you went out to find her.” Caelum flashed his gaze to Kai. “Does he know this part? It really is my favorite.” Caelum rested his arm against the barn. “I found her lying in the dirt and the cold, almost dead, and I brought her into my home. And she begged me to let her stay. She told me about her poor mother and how she was lost in the woods. And all it took was me giving her a place to sleep and some food to eat, and she wrapped herself around my finger.” You gulped down as tears began to fall. “And then she told me this long story about mates, and about how before the fae lived, the gods split creatures into two forever cursed to wander the world looking for their other half.” Caelum looked at Kai, smiling, and then turned back to you. “So you’ve shared your little bedtime story then?” he asked. “And then, just like her mother, she threw herself at me, begging me to let her stay, all because I smiled at her and fed her.” He smiled at Kai. “She really is so easy, isn’t she?” You felt the tears burn hot trails down your face as you glared at him, your gaze cast away from Kai. Caelum continued, “And then, the very first time we slept together, the bond snapped, and I’ve never seen so much relief on someone’s face. She started insisting, ‘We have to be mated,’ and ‘we can’t be apart.’” Caelum placed his hand on your shoulder. “And I couldn’t let you down, not after I took you in out of the kindness of my heart, and I fed you, clothed you. Loved you. So we accepted the bond that she so desperately wanted.” Caelum turned back to Kai, his head tilting slightly. “Now, my love, am I forgetting anything?” You gulped down your tears. “Oh yes, that’s right. What about when you begged me to build you that cabin in the woods so we could move away from my family and into a place of our own? And how I spent months up there, hauling trees, and slaving away to build you that home?” Caelum leaned into your cheek, pressing a kiss into it. “But it was all worth it because I was going to spend my time with you. My mate. My whole life. You promised me that.” Caelum turned back to Kai, “She sure does love telling her sad little stories, doesn’t she? And she performs them so well, with her puppy dog eyes and her quivering lip.” Caelum faced you, his voice dropping. “So why don’t we just go home, back to the life we know, and we can pick up where we left off?”

As he turned away from Kai, he slowly pulled back his jacket, revealing two large knives strapped to the inside. Your gasp caught in your throat. “It doesn’t have to end badly,” he whispered. “You can decide how this goes.” You looked between the knives and his face, feeling your heartbeat thumping in your ears. Caelum was a skilled hunter; you had seen him take down prey by hand much larger than Kai. You’d also seen him fight with his hunting party, and even though that was mostly for fun, the fights were brutal and often left the others bloodied and bruised. Caelum would have Kai bleeding on the ground before Kai could even know what happened. You swallowed and nodded lightly. “Good choice,” Caelum whispered.

He let his coat fall back into place, shielding the knives from view before reaching his hand out to you. Your breath quivered as you slid your hand into his, his grin purely primal and sadistic. Caelum turned back to Kai. “Seems we’ve reached a conclusion.” Kai’s mouth dropped when he saw you hand in hand with your mate, his head shaking lightly.

“Y/N,” Kai started, “You don’t have to do this.”

Caelum brought his hand to his pocket, right over where you knew the knife was, and he squeezed your hand. “No, Kai,” you said, your voice shaking lightly. “No, it’s okay.”

Kai’s face scanned yours in utter confusion as Caelum smirked. “She’s come to her senses,” he called. “Seems she finally remembered her promise to me.”

Kai made to take a few steps forward, but you lightly shook your head at him, your eyes widening. As you glanced toward Caelum’s hips, Kai’s eyes followed your own. In a moment of understanding, Kai stopped and looked at your face, still shaking a subtle no.

“We’ve got quite the journey home, so we’ll be on our way,” Caelum said, smiling at Kai, whose gaze never broke from yours.

Caelum gripped your hand tighter as he stepped away from the barn, pulling you alongside him toward the large iron gates. Your heart pounded in your chest, your head swimming with the reality that you were being taken back, and that no one here knew for sure where you were going. Not to mention that since you fought back, there would be a certainty of pain when you got back to the cabin that you hadn’t known in a long time. You took a few weary steps, your legs shaking as Caelum pulled you alongside him, wrapping his arm around your shoulders and pressing a kiss to the crown of your head.

Without much warning, you heard a few fast-paced steps from behind, followed by a grunt as Kai leapt onto Caelum’s back, his arms sliding around his neck in a chokehold. Caelum stumbled backward, throwing his head back and meeting Kai’s nose with a blood-curdling crack. Kai released his hold and fell to the ground as Caelum steadied himself, reaching into his jacket pocket and silently pulling out a large, serrated hunting knife.

You turned to find Kai on the ground, propped on his forearms with his hand to his nose, gushing dark red blood. He scurried back as Caelum let out a low growl and started walking towards him, gripping the knife in his hand.

“Stop!” you called out, running after your mate, who was determined to gut Kai. You knew the look in Caelum’s eyes too well—when red had shadowed over his vision and reason no longer existed. You grabbed his shoulder, pleading for him to stop. “Caelum, please, let’s just leave. I’ll go home without a problem, I’ll never leave again.” But he didn’t respond, continuing to trudge forward as he shook you off towards Kai, who had stumbled back onto his feet.

“Please, Caelum,” you screamed, trying to grab at the knife. You gripped his hand in your own as he turned, his face curled in angry rage. “Please, my love, let’s just go.” You heard Kai groan a few feet from you as he backed into the wall, his face reddened with blood.

You ran your hands up the length of Caelum’s arms as he looked at you, and for a second, the world seemed to stop turning. Your eyes pleaded with his, searching for a sense of pity or empathy. But there was none to be found. In a moment, Caelum raised his hand and slapped you hard across the cheek, causing your whole body to fly sideways as you let out a screech and gasp.

In the same instant, Kai rushed forward, knocking his shoulder into Caelum. Caelum raised the knife, poised to stab down into Kai’s back, but Kai raised his own arm to stop the blow. Kai struggled under Caelum’s pressure as the knife slowly inched down towards his face. Regaining your bearings, you jumped fully onto Caelum’s back, gripping his arm in your hands and trying to pull the knife back. The three of you grunted in determination until you finally brought your teeth down into the soft flesh of your mate’s wrist, tasting his blood as he cried out in pain.

Caelum brought his other hand up to try and pull you off, calling you every name he could think of. He gripped you by your hair, yanking you back and throwing you to the ground. Your body hit the wet cobblestone with a thump and splash. In that moment of distraction, Caelum drove the knife right down beneath Kai’s left shoulder blade, all the way to the hilt.

Kai roared out in agony, leaning forward into Caelum, who twisted the knife in the flesh, causing a sickening squelch as blood poured from the wound. You cried out for Kai as Caelum tugged the knife free, now dripping with blood, and sheathed it. Kai fell to the ground in a heap.

“No, no, no!” you screamed, crawling over to Kai, who lay wheezing.

Caelum twisted his head, as if trying to work out a spasm, his hand coated in blood as he wiped the knife on his pants and sheathed it. You pressed into the wound on Kai’s back as he groaned in pain. “Just stay with me,” you ordered, looking around as Caelum seemed to reorient himself. “Help!” you screeched, “Someone please help me!”

As your cries echoed, the sound of heavy footsteps came down the street. Caelum stepped forward, wrapping his bloodied hand around your mouth to stop your screams and hauling you upwards. Behind you, the gates of the city shut as Caelum hissed out a curse, his hand still pressed over your mouth as he considered his options. You still looked down at Kai, who was turning pale as the blood drained from his wound, wheezing out. Tears clouded your vision as you fought against your mate’s hold, but his grip was too tight.

As the footsteps pounded closer, Caelum took off with you in his arms down the side street. As he turned the corner, taking you out of sight of the stables, you saw Kai’s face, clenched in pain, one hand extending out to you.

....Sorry: @thatacotargirl @mcuamerica @lilah-asteria @florabelll @fightmedraco @marvelbros-oneshots @mariahoedt @quinzzelx @romantasyreader28 @minnieoo @mysteriouslydeafeningwerewolf @annabethgranger123 @krowiathemythologynerd @scatteredstardustt @romantacyreader28 @caroline-books @slytherintaco @sevikas-whore @sidthedollface2 @405rry @sleepylunarwolf @acourtofbatboydreams @quiettuba @julesofvolterra @skylarkalchemist @darling006 @rhysandorian

[mavrintarou]

[1:14PM] Suna Rintarou

Just a distraction as I continue with Wipe Your Eyes and the next part of Toru's series.

Warning: age gap (Y/n is 7 years older); explicit smut (just BJ descriptions) . You frown. “What? Blowjobs are overrated?”

How you were on this topic with… you don’t even know what to consider, Suna Rintarou.

He is an old friend of your twin cousins you met years ago. For a long time, you saw Rintarou almost five days a week because you were living with the Miyas while attending college. During those days, Rintarou took it upon himself to practically become part of the Miyas; he was like their third son.

Being seven years their senior, you often kept a certain distance from them, but somehow you were always roped into their activities somehow. Your aunty didn’t want you to feel left out, or you had to be the ‘older’ one and ensure the three devils behaved.

Fast forward ten years later, at thirty-four years old – you’re in your hotel room after Miya Atsumu’s wedding. After a long day, you just wanted to return to your hotel room and rest, and somehow, Rintarou tagged along.

And now he is lying on the same bed as you, watching some random movie on the TV.

You blink at him; how did this conversation even start? You look away back at the show; that’s when you remember. There was a steamy explicit sex scene.

The scene implied that the male was getting a blowjob and was a moaning mess. That is when Rintarou commented, “wow, he’s faking that shit. In my opinion, blowjobs are overrated.”

Rintarou proceeds to give more than enough personal information. “I’ve never come with a blowjob before. Not something I’m not into.”

His words echoed in your mind as you slowly turned your body, fixing a piercing gaze upon him. “You’re… not into it?” you were in disbelief. “I’ve never heard a hot-blooded man say he was not into a blowjob. Are you sure the blowjobs you got… were blowjobs?”

Rintarou mirrors you, “Yes, I’m just not into it… not all guys like blowjobs.”

You inhaled sharply. Completely astonished that Rin, of all people… does not enjoy a blowjob.

“You sure?”

Rin leans closer, and your eyes widen, noticing now how close he is. He only leaned forward slightly until his nose brushed yours, and he smiled, “I’m sure you can give me one if you like. But I might hurt your feelings by not liking it.”

Suna Rintarou has been flirty with you since his high school year, and since the day he walked in on you stepping out of the shower naked – the asshole has been cheeky with you since then.

Your nose crinkle at him. “No, thank you.” You flip onto your back, throwing your arms behind your head.

He looked amused, “how come? You seemed pretty invested thinking I wasn’t properly experiencing a blow job?” From the corner of your eyes, you can see his fingers drumming and moving like a spider leg closer to you. “You could show me how it’s done…”

“And what makes you think I know how to give a good and proper blowjob, Rintarou?”

His lips curved into a grin before he reached to graze his thumb against your lower lip. “The way these lips opened wide to take in those big chocolate-covered strawberries tonight…” he paused, eyes dropping to your parted lips, “and how you slurped and licked the corner of your mouth….” He locked his gaze with you, “I’m positive you give more than just good blowjobs.”

.

You groaned into your pillow, thrashing around like a fish out of water.

Did you agree to give him a blowjob?

“Fine,” you snapped earlier, pushing his fingers away from your lips, and was about to push him onto his back. “I’ll show you how a blowjob should be done.” But you saw the panic on his face, and he flipped you onto your back before getting off the bed and heading to the bathroom, shouting that he would take a shower first.

The longer he took, the more time you got to rethink your bold agreement.

“This is your cousin’s friend!” you screamed into the pillow.

“So?”

You look up; Rintarou is standing at the end of the bed with a bathrobe on.

He closed in on the distance and leaned down, “ready?”

Letting out a sigh, “just lay down; let me go find something in my suitcase.”

You got off the bed, grabbed your luggage, and pulled out your toiletry bag to hold a hair tie. Your eyes come across the snacks your mother gave you when she flew from the States.

Fruit Roll-ups.

Looking over your shoulders, Rin has made himself comfortable in the middle of the bed, hands behind his head and watching you.

Opening a packet, you grab the candy and move toward the bed.

“What’s that?” Rin asked, nodding to the white circle thing in your hand.

“Candy.”

“Candy?”

You nodded and showed him, unrolling it before putting the end into your mouth. “It’s delicious; want to try it?”

He shook his head. If you can recall, he never had a sweet tooth.

You pull the ties to the robe. It was like unwrapping a gift on Christmas morning.

Your eyes land on his junk… and you try not to show a reaction…

Rintarou was large.

Thick.

Long.

And hard.

“Well,” you mumbled before thinking, “I wonder why you don’t enjoy blowjobs. Look how huge you are!”

“Well?”

Ignoring him, you reached for his cock and could barely wrap your fingers around it. Your hand moves rhythmically, stroking his cock with a firm grip. He grew thicker, and the tip oozed liquid-like pre-cum.

Rintarou lets out a shaky breath, watching your hands move up and down on his shaft. “Ti – tighter… please.” Your grip tightens per his request, but he whispers throatily, “tighter….”

You then remember you were supposed to give him a blowjob. You bite off your candy, setting it aside before pressing your lips to the thick tip. Suddenly, you remember how you ate the big and juicy chocolate-covered strawberry he talked about earlier and mimicked the same movement. The first inch of his cock slipped into your mouth.

“Ah fuck…” his abdomen flexed, defining the muscles. His head digs into the pillow, and his hands cover his face.

You hummed in happiness, swirling your tongue and bobbing your head. Each time you go down, you try to take more and more of him until you feel him touch the back of your throat. You pull back to prevent gagging and take your mouth completely off.

Grabbing your candy, you unrolled the rest of your candy before pulling it off the paper and began wrapping it around his cock.

“What… what are you doing?”

You smiled at your work; his cock was wrapped in candy. “Making it fun.” You lick along his cock like a lollipop, alternating it with taking him wholly into your mouth.

“Fuck… Y/n, you’re… I knew you would be good at this…” he blabbers, “fuck I’ve always wanted to fuck your mouth….”

You lift your head, “you have?”

He groans, “please don’t stop… I’m so close….”

“So, you are going to cum?”

“So, make me cum then!”

You put him back into your mouth, working slowly and quickly and enjoying the candy melting into your mouth. This was more enjoyable than you imagined.

Your hand brushed against his large sacks, and you felt his cock twitch in your mouth. Glancing up at him, he watched you with dark hooded eyes. He flinched when you grazed your fingers against both his sacks this time.

You tried your best to smile with his cock in your mouth before you grasped both sacks in one hand, massaging them.

At that exact moment, you feel his cock twitch, and hot, thick fluids fill your throat.

“Fuck, Y/n…” Rintarou tried to pry your mouth off his cock, but he was still cumming in your mouth. He calls your name again, desperately. After you’ve swallowed the load, you release him with a pop.

“So, you can cum with a blowjob.” There was still candy wrapped around his cock that you unwrapped before shoving it into your mouth. The look on his face wasn’t disgusted but wasn’t impressive either. “What? My mom brought it from the States; I won’t waste it.” You sit back on your knees, “you better consider yourself lucky; that’s the first blowjob I’ve ever given. I didn’t know what I was doing, but if I could get you to cum… I don’t know what those other women were doing wrong.” You wiped the corner of your mouth with your thumb, licking it. “I need a shower now.”

He sits up abruptly, and before you can register, a hand is behind your head, holding it in place as his lips press hungrily against yours.

“That was the best fucken blowjob I’ve ever had.” He whispered against your lips, “don’t you ever dare try it on anyone else,” his hand tightened around your hair but not enough to hurt, “only on me.”

Your eyes widen, searching his eyes.

“For Christ’s sake Y/n, I’ve been in love with you.”

. . .

E/n: I would never believe Rintarou if he said he was not into blowjobs either.

@queenelleee @mfreedomstuff @erintaro @callmeraider @chaotic-fangirl-blog @wolffmaiden @cloud-lyy

[annymation]

The Kingdom of Wishes- A “Wish” Rewrite

Chapter 10- The Thanks I Get

Chapter 9

(I bet ya'll see the title and think "oooooh she's gonna adapt Magnifico's song" yeah, actually no, sorry to burst your bubble, but that song is beyond salvation... I'm doing something else with it.)

“Then let’s go! Last one there is a dusty nebula!”

Aster exclaims as they run to the castle to get her wish. Probably not the most sneaky way to… sneak in a castle.

But Asha can’t help but laugh with his contagious enthusiasm, as he's literally doing some cartwheels as he runs, laughing to himself.

She’s confident they can do this, as long as they stay together.

Aster is way ahead of her, while Valentino is hoping after her.

She smiles with a passion in her eyes, as she runs and-

Asha is stopped.

She feels a large hand made of green magic holding her whole body.

Her smile instantly replaced by terror... The king got her.

She tried to scream for help.

"A-AST- HMM" But one of the hand's fingers covered her mouth to shush her.

Aster didn't look back.

Asha is pulled all the way back to the plaza, flying through the air. And before she knows it she's back on the ground. She opens her eyes... The king and queen are smiling down at her.

"Hello again, Asha. We got a little surprise for you~" Magnifico says in a singsong voice, holding a green wish bubble.

(The image above doesn't represent where they are in this moment, but that face Magnifico is making just SCREAMS the same vibes my rewrite's Magnifico has)

Her heart was beating like a drum... The king was no longer holding her with his magic but she still couldn't move, she was frozen in fear.

The king turned his attention to the crowd at the plaza as he spoke

(Detail: The whole kingdom is not here watching, this is like, a gathering of dozens of people that were casually walking around the plaza minding their business. But it's still plenty of people though.)

"My people! Give a big cheer foooor... THE NEWEST PRINCESS OF ROSAAAAAAS!" He announces with the charm of a show host, as he turns Asha around to the public.

He raises her wish bubble, revealing inside the image of her wearing a white dress similar to the queen's and a crown.

The whole crowd gasps in surprise, but no one is as surprised as Asha's 7 friends, all of them look completely shocked... They KNOW Asha wouldn't wish for that.

Asha looks like she's gonna pass out... Has Aster noticed she's not behind him yet?

The king continues as if the girl next to him doesn't look scared out of her mind

"YEAH I know, we were just as surprised as you all. Little miss "I just have a simple wish" here just did a FULL 180 and wished to be ADOPTED by us. I mean haha I'm sure now you understand why we were gonna deny this wish, right?... But then again..." The king places a hand on Asha's shoulder, tightening his grip "I won't stay on this earth forever, and we're yet to be blessed with an heir to be my apprentice... SO if Asha shares the same love for Rosas that we have, then how can I say no?!"

The people, now understanding the situation, cheer with joy at the news that the kingdom will have a princess.

(Hey hi it's me, just wanted to let y'all know the whole time I'm writing this scene my mind is going "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH" in a bad way, like, this is literally the part of the story I was dreading the most, if this is freaking you out then imagine how I'm feeling.)

Asha for the first time since she landed on the stage starts trying to speak, emphasis on trying because her voice almost doesn't come out.

"I- I didn-"

The queen brings her in for a hug.

"Ooh Asha, I just know having you in the palace will bring so much joy into our lives." The queen holds her so tightly the girl can barely breathe "We've heard that you came out of the castle crying last night, and we felt so AWFUL that we made you go through the sadness of losing a wish" Her sharp nails are digging on Asha's back as she says "But don't worry mi rosa. From now on, we'll make sure no more tears run down those pretty little eyes... Ever again."

In the eyes of the people, this is a sweet moment...

But Asha knows full well what the queen really means. This is a threat.

They want to take everything away from her. Her interests, her voice, her free will. Everything because she dared to speak up to them, she dared to call them out on a problem that she had with the system...

And now, they thought she would just LET THEM take it all from her? So they could use her as a way to make THEM look holier than thou in the eyes of Rosas?

... No...

Like she told Aster, she was DONE running away from them.

All these thoughts are going through her mind as the king speaks, raising the wish into the air and using his staff to grant it, he speaks in a smooth calming voice:

"That's right, now just hold still my dear, this will feel just like waking up from a pleasant drea- WAHH!"

The crowd gasped.

Asha kicked the staff off his hands, stopping the spell.

The staff ALMOST falls on the ground, but Magnifico grabs it clumsily just before the green gem hits the floor.

The king's blue eyes are wide. His previous charismatic persona vanishes in an instant.

"yoU LITTLE- IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO THIS I-..." He stops himself, remembering that they are in public. It's almost unnerving how quickly he switches back to his calm demeanor "Hahaha *ahem* apologies, got a bit jumpy there haha It's just that... You REALLY don't wanna find out what happens if this breaks." Magnifico says warningly.

The king and queen were surprised that Asha fought back...

But they were even more surprised by the fact she didn't even flinch at the king's yelling.

As they look at her, they realize she's not that same meek little girl they met the previous night.

She was standing up proudly, still holding her Saba's mandolin in one hand, and her mother's cloak hood was down.

Her legs were no longer shaking, and her head was held up high.

(The way he always taught her to? :3)

She spoke loud and clear so EVERYONE could hear

"That is NOT what I wished for!"

...

Magnifico wasn't expecting that.

After taking away her wish the girl should've lost her spark. But here she is shining brighter than before... Something changed... She got a new wish.

The plan was to just put her in a situation where she'd be in danger, so that the star would come to save her, revealing it's power, and Magnifico could capture it...

Sure, they just saw said star a few minutes ago, but hey, he wanted to make a spectacle out of it by having the star come out of it's human disguise in public. That's more his style...

... This is fine though, after all Magnifico always liked to improvise...

...

The king throws his head back as he lets out a huge laugh.

"HA- Ha ha ha Ooooh I see, you're just confused because you don't REMEMBER that you wished for this, right?" He asks Asha as if he's giving her one last chance to just play along and accept her fate "I know it's hard to believe, but this IS your wish. Then again, it's quite common that some doubt that they wished for something-" He turns to the crowd as if he's casually going to start telling a funny story "Ya know, there was this one time a lady wished me-"

"NO!"

She interrupted him this time, which got even more gasps and shocked looks from the crowd.

Magnifico now turned his face to her with a fake puzzled glance, really what he's thinking is "Oh she's ACTUALLY going for it?"

Asha takes a deep breath. They'll definitely throw her into the dungeon for this... But better thrown into a dungeon than locked in a tower as a mindless princess... Besides, Aster can unlock doors, he can get her out...

"I am NOT letting you decide what I deserve... Nor what ANYONE ELSE in Rosas deserves!" Asha says determined, pointing at the very confused crowd.

Magnifico is... How can I put this? Intrigued? Amused? Impressed?... Nah, I think the word I'm looking for is: Excited.

He NEVER had someone challenge him like this before, and although having these peasants kiss the ground he walks on is pretty fun, it does get kinda dull after 25 years... Getting to SHOW this little brat just how much control he has over them? Now that's new.

And so... He accepts her challenge, by playing dumb:

"Huh?" He looks at her with one arched brow, tilting his head to the side, a very slight smile forming on the corner of his lips "Now what on earth are you talking about, Asha?" He asks innocently, pretty much daring her to go on.

And so she does. Ready to go past just dipping her toes in, she's diving in.

She looks at her people as she exclaims without fear:

"Everyone, PLEASE listen to me, Magnus and Amaya are not who they claim to be!" She begs them to listen.

The crowd is dumbfounded, mostly by the fact she just addressed them by their first names.

Now, any other king would've probably called in the guards to arrest the girl at this point.

But King Magnifico ain't no normal king, he instead just jokes about it like this is a stand-up comedy.

"WOOOOAH first names!? Really? We're going with first names? Hahaha okay- calm down "miss Lucero"! We've just met yesterday." He's talking like she's just a kid misbehaving.

Asha ignores the king's comment and continues "Magnus claims to grant our wishes, but last night I've seen it with my own eyes what he REALLY does. He CHANGES our wishes, turning them into curses. That's what he did with MY wish, and he has been doing it for years with many if not ALL our wishes." She explains as clearly as she can.

The people look at her in disbelief, some laugh it off like she just lost her mind... Her friends though, seem to actually be listening attentively.

Magnifico approaches her and talks in a more reprehending tone, but still smiling like he just finds this all really amusing "Oh Asha, I know that because of your father's ideals you're not the biggest fan of how I do things, but yelling deranged lies about me REALLY doesn't help your case."

The king makes it seem like Asha is just acting this way to enforce her "Achieve your wish by yourself" ideals. And sure enough, some people seem to agree that's what she's doing. It has to be right? No waaaaay the king would actually be a bad person.

(They think, as they watch this grown man verbally bully this 18 year old... Please don't hate the people of Rosas too much y'all, they're like partially brainwashed and victims of the situation too)

Asha doesn't care what anyone thinks though, if she can open the eyes of at least ONE person, then it'll be worth it, she has to at least try.

"The only liar here is YOU" She says now glaring at him.

"Oh-ho REALLY? Alright Asha, I'll play along..." He leans down to look her dead in the eyes "Prove it." He challenges her, and then starts walking away from her, pretty much giving her the room to state her case "Go on, humor me. Show us a SINGLE proof that anything you say is a fact." he uses his staff to create a fancy chair made of green light for him to sit on, as he crosses his legs "Would you like one as well, my love?" he asks his wife that is just standing there

Oh yeah, the queen's there too, I haven't really mentioned how she's feeling about this have I? Well let me tell ya she's not enjoying this ONE BIT.

Actually the whole time she was in the background looking at her husband with the biggest "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Face you can imagine.

YEARS of maintaining a squeaky clean persona in public. YEARS of her teaching him how to act like a selfless person. And now he's just casually inviting this girl to destroy everything they've built?!

(Amaya, sweetie, you deserve better than this idiot, go to the Wish Movie universe and turn that Magnifico into your boy toy)

She tries to put some sense into him, as in, tell him they should just quit while they're ahead and throw her in the dungeon:

"Umm darling, don't you think she already crossed a line?" The queen asks him with a concerned look.

"Oooh she did, all of them in fact. But let's hear her out, ya know? After all, I'm always there when my subjects need to vent." The king gives his queen a confident look, as if to say "I know what I'm doing"

See, that's the problem with Magnifico, he's way too confident that his people would NEVER actually turn against him. Yes, he got worried when Asha raised her voice asking about her Saba's wish that one time, but that was different, back then Asha was saying something that could possibly be passed out as truth, that Magnifico doesn't grant all the wishes... Now though? Now she's saying that he CHANGES the wishes and turns them into curses, that's ridiculous, not to mention that now she has a bad reputation. He's confident that his people would never believe a word she says.

... That's what he THINKS.

Asha is given the room to open their eyes.

So, she takes it:

"The proof is literally ALL AROUND US!" She says pointing to the paintings on the walls around the plaza, the statues, the drawings on the floor. Everything illustrating the king and queen "Has anyone ever wondered WHY everywhere we look, every piece of art, every song we hear, every celebration, it's ALL dedicated to them?" She says pointing to the king and queen.

"It's called being grateful kid, you should give it a try." Magnifico says pridefully.

Some people in the crowd look around... Some of the younger ones, as in, younger than 18 have a thoughtful look.

Asha ignores the king's comment again and continues like she has been holding in these words for years "Our kingdom has people from all around the world: Africa, Asia, Arabia, Europe, so much diversity, but you could never tell by looking at the way people dress, all in one style. Our food is not diverse. Our music is not diverse. Our art is not diverse. Has anyone ever wondered why?"

We see a glimpse of Dahlia's reaction to that comment... That got her attention.

"I'll tell you why: Magnifico CHANGED the most beautiful part of ourselves, what makes us unique, making us all the SAME."

Magnifico chuckles at that as he says "And THAT, my dear, is what we call E-QUA-LI-TY" He claims proudly, thinking that the crowd agrees...

The queen seems concerned... He's getting carried away, again.

He's not looking at the crowd yet.

Asha looks directly at him, her eyes have a burning rage "THIS isn't equality! Equality is what Rosas used to be. Before YOU, this kingdom was colorful, full of variety and self expression-"

"Oh for crying out loud!" He cuts her off, now sounding annoyed as he rolls his eyes "You JUST turned 18, what do YOU know about how things were before ME?" He asks with a grin.

"I may be young, but I know A LOT. I've read about the kings that came before you! And by the way, there's a reason they didn't grant all the wishes!" She speaks boldly.

"OoOooOOoh would you look at that ladies and gentlemen, we got a little scholar in our midst!" That's the most formal way one can call someone a nerd "Alright then, ENLIGHTEN ME, why would those idio- I mean- Ideal kings not grant all the wishes?" He almost slips up.

She smiled knowing she already won, as she accepts the challenge.

"Gladly."

Magnifico is taken aback by that. His expression goes slightly serious.

"They didn't grant all the wishes because they knew the importance of not letting the people DEPEND on them to achieve their dreams, that it's something for YOU to do by yourself." Her voice is full of passion.

"HA! because THAT'S waaaaay better than what I do. You know Asha, maybe you're right, maybe I did change your wish, clearly you don't wish to be a princess, you're way more of a COURT JESTER! Isn't that right Rosas?!" The king expects people to agree.

...

Silence.

He turns to look at them and...

They're listening to her.

... That's... NOT how he thought this would play out...

He thought that at any moment the people would start booing her, disagreeing, insulting, anything...

But nothing happened.

... They actually DOUBTED him?

And all it took was ONE LITTLE GIRL?!

He thought they loved him unconditionally... But after everything he did they just...

Ignored him?

...

He had to shut her up.

But she still had more to say:

"They understood that wishing isn't something you should feel pressured to do when you turn 18. It's something that is YOURS and you should decide if you want to give it away or not-"

Magnus stands up from the chair he created as he speaks firmly:

"Alright, now you liste-"

She looked directly in his blue eyes as she interrupts him with no fear:

"You RUINED Rosas and everything it stood for."

His eyes widen at that comment. That one hit a nerve.

"That's ENOUGH-"

"You shouldn't even be KING in the first place! YOUR BROTHER WOULD STILL BE OUR KING! BUT YOU KI-"

Asha is shushed.

Magnus uses his magic to hold her whole body, including her mouth.

The people in the crowd gasp.

He's looking at the girl with an expression she hasn't seen from him before... There's no feeling in his eyes... It's like he's soulless.

He turns to look at the people bellow his feet.

They look... Scared.

...

He could do some damage control later. Nothing that a wish ceremony here and some festivals there don't fix... The people would forget this eventually.

This girl though?

He would never let her forget who was their king.

Asha's eyes look terrified.

His face remains emotionless as he says in a whisper:

"You want me to be the bad king? Fine, now I'm the bad king."

There's the rumbling sound of thunder, alerting that it's gonna rain soon.

At that moment, King Magnifico just kinda forgot the whole reason they did all this was to capture the star...

OH YEAH SPEAKING OF THAT STAR! WHY DON'T WE CHECK ON HIM???

So we cut to Aster near the entrance of the castle, oblivious to the fact Asha was not racing with him at all for the past (I don't know how many) minutes.

The star hits his hand on the wall as he says

"HA HA I WIN! Alright, now how should we distract the guards? I was thinking mayb-" Aster turns around and realizes...

Asha isn't with him.

"... Huh... I know I'm fast but I was trying to run about the same speed of a human... Could she have tripped on the way or something?" The star ponders, trying to see if he could spot Asha in the distance

But then he hears some very desperate cries... Of a certain baby goat.

"MAAA! MAAAA!" Valentino was hoping as fast as his little baby goat legs could take him.

"Oh hey Val! Did you see-"

"MAAA!" The goat explained.

The smile on Aster's face deflated into horror.

"... W h a t?" Aster's voice was shaking, he didn't know such guilt was even possible...

They left her. After he promised he would never leave her side.

Aster grabbed Valentino, running with the goat in his arms twice as fast as he ran to get to the castle, and all he could say was:

"NONONONONONO I'M OFFICIALLY THE.WORST.WISHING.STAR IN.THIS.SIDE.OF.THE.GALAXY!!!"

Sooo we cut back to Asha... Who's not doing so great right now.

The king is using his staff to make her float, so they're on the same eye level. As he begins to speak with his voice sounding uncharacteristically monotonous.

Not faking kindness, nor passion, not even sarcasm, just a serious and emotionless tone that sent chills down her spine.

"I don't know what could've possessed you to speak such lies, Asha. After everything I've done for you... Since the day you were born to the day that we've met... I give and give and give and give" He tightens the spell around her with every "give" making her face contort in pain "And all I ask in turn... Is just a little respect." He sighs "But that's too much to ask from you, hum? You want things to be your way, to change centuries of tradition because YOU so happen to not like how things are... And to think I actually considered making an apprentice out of you.” He says… looking at her wish bubble that he's holding “So, this is the thanks I get? For wanting to go above and beyond to grant your wish? I mean, what MORE could you possibly want from me?” He asks even though she obviously can’t answer with her mouth covered by his magic.

“I think she made what she “wanted” painfully clear, mi rey” the queen, that has been dead silent this whole time, as she usually is when they’re in public… comes in with her voice sounding full of pain and sorrow…

Magnifico turns around to his queen, she has the most believable crocodile tears running down her face

… Oh how he loved this woman. She always knew just what to say to turn the odds in their favor.

He lets go of Asha, knowing his wife’s words alone were more than enough to trap her.

And so, the queen began to speak:

“You came in with that whole “I don’t know what to wish for” nonsense, as if someone that lives HERE of all places could not know what to wish for… We opened our hearts to you, offered to help you, and you gave us THIS WISH…”

Asha tries to defend herself:

“I didn’t wish fo-“

“Silence.” The queen said raspy, as she walks towards Asha slowly “I know what you wanted… You wanted to destroy everything we’ve built… By stealing the crown from us.”

A few people in the crowd, mostly older people, gasp.

Asha get's nervous, realizing people are believing what the quenn says.

“What?! But I didn’t-“

“You tried to manipulate us into giving you the title of PRINCESS in a silver platter, but after we denied you, you decided to change your approach, didn’t you? You wanted revenge, you tried to spread these HEINOUS LIES about our King. You tried to TRICK our beloved people to put them against us.” The queen keeps walking closer and closer to her.

The people that were before agreeing with Asha… Now see her as a traitor.

Asha is panicking.

“But- But I never wanted to be-“ Asha shuts her eyes as the queen gets close to her face.

“But you miscalculated, my dear, because you CAN’T hurt our reign, for we are mighty, and you? You are all alo-WAH“

Something pushes the queen away from Asha.

The crowd gasps.

She falls on the kings arms.

…

Asha opens her eyes.

Aster is standing with his back turned from her, his arms are open trying to shield her away from them.

He turns his head to look at her behind his shoulder

"Sorry I took so long, you okay?”

Asha looks at the faces of the civilians of Rosas, they all look concerned… With the queen.

“No.” She answers, hugging herself, scared beyond words.

“… I gonna get us out of-“

“GUARDS! Cease these traitors!” The king exclaims with his voice full of rage.

Aster just turns around to Magnifico in shock.

“EH?! TRAITORS?! WHAT DID I MISS-" Aster barely finishes his sentence before a guard bellow the stage grabs him by the cape and pulls him down "WOA HEY-”

"OH! I don't knoooow, maybe you just missed that you TOUCHED THE QUEEN, BOY!" (took all my will power to not write him saying "Mah wife") Magnifico yells at the star boy while holding his wife in his arms, she's making a whole scene like Aster hurted her really badly when in reality she barely felt anything. "And YOU" Magnifico turns to Asha, who's just petrified with fear as some guards get up the stage to get her "... I don't think I have to explain what you did wrong, do I?" He simply shrugs.

Asha is looking around desperatelly.

There HAS to be someone who sees this is wrong, right?

She looks to the crowd and sees... Her friends.

They all look scared, but they have to believe her right? After everything she said.

She manages to avoid the guards grasp, as she jumps down the stage and rushes to where her friends are.

"DAHLIA, GUYS! Come on, you KNOW I'd never make that wish, PLEASE you believe me, right?!" Asha says as she holds Dahlia's hand.

... Dahlia doesn't hold her hand back... She looks at Asha with tears in her eyes... Not knowing what to do.

It's not like they don't believe her, most of them do...

Most.

But they're just a bunch of teens, what are they supposed to do?

The 7 can see the king glaring at them, waiting for their response.

Dahlia can only stutter:

"... Y-you... You did say the king wouldn't grant your wish..."

Asha's heart sinks... They're too scared of him.

"... I- I lied, I'm sorry, I should've told you but-"

"Why wouldn't you tell us?" Dahlia asks.

Asha feels Magnifico's hand on her shoulder.

"Because all she did was lie."

He pushes her aside, throwing her to a guard.

Asha and Aster are both captured and dragged away to the castle.

"Honestly, Asha? Trying bring your friends down with you? Now that's just pitiful." Magnifico turns to the 7 teens, they all look terrified of him... Good... "Such betrayal must hurt a lot, huh? But pay her no mind children... She will deceive you no longer." He says with fake pity in his eyes.

Suddenly, he feels something kicking his legs.

He looks down and sees Valentino angrily hitting him with his little baby goat horns, it doesn't hurt at all.

He holds himself to not just kick the little baby goat, and grabs him by the collar of his little sweater.

"Here, you can keep her pet." He says, handing the goat to Dario.

The king turns around to go on his way but-

"KING MAGNIFICO! WAIT!"

Simon exclaimed... To the surprise of all the other teens.

The king turned to him slowly, looking at him coldly.

"Yes, O'Donohue, what is it?" Magnifico calls him by his last name, so Simon knows that HE knows who his father is.

Simon hesitates for a moment, but continues

"W-we've been Asha’s friends for YEARS, we know she'd never mean any harm to Rosas... There HAS to be a misunderstanding, she doesn't deserve to-"

"I'll be the one deciding what she deserves, Simon." The king cuts him off

Simon goes quiet, with no choice but to watch Asha being dragged away.

...

It starts to rain.

...

Well, this was a disaster.

And that's not your narrator speaking (although she agrees). The line above is what Magnifico is thinking.

They planned on making the star show his true form in public...

BUT HERE IS THE GOD FORSAKEN BLONDE.

STILL PRETENDING TO BE HUMAN, STRUGGLING TO ESCAPE THE GUARDS GRIP.

WHAT GIVES?!

Well "what gives" is that Aster already broke a rule today. Rule number 1 was that he'd never leave Asha's side... And he did that.

So the star is now pretty stubborn on not breaking rule number 2: Never use magic.

Aster is just letting himself be carried away by the guards... But the star does have plan though.

He can open locks, once they get in the dungeon they can just escape... This is fine.

But this isn't fine for the king...

He wants to make people SEE him as he captures this star's power, to come on top as the hero who stopped the "Threat to the kingdom"... But how can he do that if the star won't show itself?

...

He would make it show itself... He just had to do what they planned...

Put Asha in danger.

The king looks at Asha's wish bubble... A wicked smile forms on his face.

Doing what he's thinking in public will surely be harder to justify in the future... But desperate times call for desperate measures.

"GUARDS!... Wait a moment."

The guards taking Asha and Aster stop. The two teens look at him.

Magnifico is holding Asha's wish on his hand as he walks towards them slowly.

"I believe that such crimes as the ones displayed today deserve a more... Unique punishment" He approaches her and looks her in the eyes as he says to everyone watching "May this serve as an EXAMPLE of what happens to those who wish harm on our kingdom... This might sting a little." He warns her with a smirk.

The grip on the wish bubble tightens until...

A small crack appears.

"aaaAAAAAAAaAaaAaaaaAAAAAAAA!!!"

Pain. That's all Asha feels.

Like grief, heartbreak, anguish and guilt just washed over her like a tidal wave all at once.

Asha lets out a painful scream and her legs go weak.

The guards holding her get startled, they didn't expect the girl would start yelling bloody murder out of nowhere.

The sound is music to Magnifico's ears though.

Aster is beyond terrified. Not only by the scream, but also by what he sees.

Her light... It's fading.

The king is killing her star.

"S- STOP! YOU ALREADY GOT ME! I'M THE ONE YOU WANTED RIGHT?? JUST LEAVE HER ALONE!"

The king continues tightening his grip on the bubble, as he turns to look at Aster with the same smile he had when he played dumb to Asha earlier:

"Huh? Now what on earth are you talking about, lad?"

He asks innocently, pretty much daring Aster to show his powers.

Aster knows what the king wants... But if he does it, not only will he be breaking the promise he made to Asha... He's gonna be breaking the most important rule for wishing stars: Don't show yourself for any human that isn't your wish maker.

If he breaks this rule... What happens to him? Will he be able to-

Asha screams again, the bubble cracks more.

Aster suddenly doesn't care about the consequences anymore.

"I SAID...

LEAVE

HER

ALONE!!!"

Aster's whole body starts glowing

As the guards holding him down let him go in surprise.

The boy is now back to being animated in 2D... But not how he was before

Before Aster's animation was usually smooth and fluid, like something animated by James Baxster.

Now though? There's nothing smooth about the way he's drawn, it's like whoever was holding the pencil on the animation table had a fit of rage while doing every single frame.

I think the best way I can describe it is this scene from "Tale of Princess Kaguya"

(Eyyyy look at us referencing a ghibli movie to talk about Aster again ahahaha- This is not the last time I'll mention Princess Kaguya in this rewrite, she's actually a big inspiration for Aster's character... If you know, you know)

The king sees this apparition that would probably strike fear in the hearts of anyone...

But his face read as if he was thinking "Thereeee it is" with a huge evil grin.

Aster doesn't really care what the king is thinking though.

The star moves so fast the rain drops start falling slower.

He reaches out and grabs the wish bubble from Magnifico's hand.

Then he runs to Asha and takes her in his arms.

Before they leave, he runs to grab her Saba's mandolin that fell on the floor.

And with all three in his arms, he runs up the walls of a building, leaving after images of himself behind like these:

The king just blinks and suddenly the girl, the boy and the wish bubble are gone...

"... WEEEEELL Would you look at that, ladies and gentleman! The traitor, and the wish stealing star are in CAHOOTS! Now who could've eveeeer seen this coming???" The king asks obnoxiously to the now panicked and screaming crowd, that is barely paying attention to him.

... This really isn't his day, and now his cape is all wet.

He just sighs loudly, at least capturing that star will brighten his day

"Okaaaay then! I'll go kill a star boy now, not like any of you ingrates care to watch." He yells to everyone around, not hiding how frustrated he is that he's not being the center of attention at the moment.

(If you're wondering where Amaya went, bruh honestly Idk. Rethinking her marital choices probably. I can't think of anything for her to do here and I kinda wanna give the spotlight to Magnifico in this chapter... Because Amaya is getting her own spotlight reeeeeally soon my friends, just you wait.)

So we cut to Aster and Asha. They're on the top of a building.

The rain is pouring down.

Asha is laying down, her head on Aster's lap.

She still looks weak and deeply in pain, Aster doesn't know what to do as he just trips over his words in a panic:

"I- I'm sorry! I'm so so sorry! I promised I'd stay w-with-with you but I- wasn't there- I shouldn't have let go of you-your hand-"

He's holding her wish bubble with one hand as he continues to apologize...

Asha suddenly feel slightly better... Like a little bit of the pain left her.

"A-Aster" She tries to tell him, but the star is lost in his own guilt.

"This is all my fault- I-If I had looked back- b-but I got distracted- be- because I was just so excited- I'm so sorry"

Asha notices something... The wish on Aster's hand... The cracks are healing.

"...Aster..." Asha repeats, trying to get the star's attention, to show him what's happening

"They were right about me... I really don't know what I'm doi-"

"ASTER!" Asha calls his attention, no longer feeling pain at all, she sits up looking at the wish bubble.

The star looks at her confused.

"Look!" Asha points at the bubble on his hand...

It's no longer cracked... And not only that...

It's changing.

The image of Asha as a princess inside the bubble morphs to what it originally was... Asha as herself, happy and being accepted by everyone in Rosas.

The bubble turns from green to blue.

Asha smiles in amazement.

"... You fixed it." She looks up to Aster's face with a smile, she looks thankful.

Aster is looking down at the bubble in his hands.

"... I didn't know I could do that..."

A smile finally returns to the star's face.

Asha takes the wish from his hands... And brings it to her heart.

And as it sinks in her chest she can feel a sense of peace she never experienced before. She's whole again.

She lets out a sigh of relief.

"... Aster... I just wanted to say that it's not your fault, I know that you'd never mean to leave-" She was going to explain to the star how she's not mad at him, but then she actually looks at his face and realizes... They're looking at her differently... He's in awe, like he's gazing upon a wonder that he never thought possible "... Eeeh... You're ok?" She looks at him kinda weirded out.

Aster in, in fact, gazing upon a wonder he never thought possible.

He sees Asha's star. Her glow outshines all the stars that he has ever seen, and he has seen QUITE a lot of them living in the sky. It's like a flower blooming with rays of purple, yellow and white shinning from it.

Aster is speechless for a moment... But then he simply says:

"I can see you."

"Huh? You... Didn't see me before?" She asks them.

He looks her in the eyes with a smile full of admiration

"I see you... ALL of you."

His voice sounds relieved.

Asha doesn't fully understand what he's talking about, but she smiles back.

...

Her smile fades away instantly when she notices the figure floating behind Aster.

"A-ASTER WATCH O-"

"🎶OOH STAR LIGHT~"

CLANG

Aster's right wrist is trapped by a chain made of green magic.

The star barely has time to react before the singsong voice behind him continues

"🎶STAR BRIGHT~"

CLANG

His left wrist is trapped by another green chain.

"NO!" Aster tries to fight but he's already being pulled away from Asha.

"🎶FIRST STAR~"

CLANG

Now his right ankle is trapped too, as he's dragged towards the king.

"HOLD ON!" Asha tries to hold his hand.

"🎶I SEE TONIGHT~"

CLANG

One last chain locks itself on his left ankle. Aster is completely trapped.

"ASHA! RUN!" He let go of her hand, and just pleads for her to leave.

"🎶I WISH I MAY~"

The king keeps pulling the star teen with his staff, his voice sounds deranged with glee.

"🎶I WISH I MIGHT~"

Aster is trying to fly away but the chains weaken his powers, he's being pulled closer and closer to Magnifico.

"🎶HAVE THIS WISH I WISH TONIGHT~"

Aster and Magnifico are now face to face. The star looks at him furious, while the king just gives him a smug grin.

"Oh I'm sorry, am I interrupting something?" Magnifico asks sarcastically.

...

The rumble of thunder becomes a lightning in the distance.

Chapter 11

Final Thoughts

Yes Mag, you are, like always.

WOOOOOH this was a long one wasn’t it? Hehehe and the emotional rollercoaster ain’t over yet! I like to call this chapter the LYRICS REFERENCES chapter. Like seriously, referencing This Is The Thanks I Get in a way that was actually SCARY was so much fun!

Okay, now DO YOU GUYS UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH I LOVE ASHA???

This girl literally just made the people question everything BY SPILLING FACTS THAT SHE ALWAYS QUESTIONED HER WHOLE LIFE!

Magnifico was like: “lol go ahead, prove to them I’m evil” and then she spoke some facts and he was like “wait! That’s illegal!” even tho that’s literally what he asked her to do.

SHE ATE HIM UP AND LEFT NO CRUMBS!!! IM SO PROUD OF MY BABY GIRL!!! LOOK AT HER STARTING A REVOLUTION THEY GROW UP SO FAST!!!

And like, yes that new found confidence is majorly because of Aster’s influence, by showing her that even with just music she can inspire others and make a difference… SO ASTER’S PLAN OF PLAYING MUSIC WASNT POINTLESS! HA! But like, that confidence was always deep within her, she just needed to let it out.

Also, I may have made a liiiiittle change while developing the story, see, before the reason why Asha was so out spoken in this scene was because she didn’t have her “I want to be accepted by others” wish inside her, so she kinda cared less about what others thought of her while speaking in public, which kinda is still what happened here, but I also added the factor that she created a NEW wish inside her, that’s why she wasn’t acting so weird like Simon for example.

Speaking of Simon BOY how am I gonna write him betraying the others after this??? Like, dude is waaaaay too DEEP into the propaganda to see all this take place and be like “nah the king definitely is right” YOU DENSE SLEEPY BOY HE LOOKED AT YOUR BEST FRIEND LIKE HE WANTED TO SNAP HER NECK.

Speaking on the king now… I love writing this dude, I’m sorry, it’s fun as heck, became my new addiction even. Like, the man is the whole package, he’s funny, pathetic and stupid sometimes, but also menacing, powerful and manipulative. And that’s not to mention THE ANGST of his past. You may have noticed how what really got him nervous was the mention of the past kings and how he was the one who ruined Rosas.

The tragedy behind this is that Magnus as a kid WANTED to be a good king, but he was told he had to do it the same way all the other ones that came before him did, he had to learn magic and grant the people’s wishes, but he didn’t want that, he wanted to be king his own way, and not have the people DEPEND ON HIM… HMMM. But then his parents just replaced him for his little brother as the heir, and he was forgotten, unloved and ignored. He realized he could NEVER grant his own wish of being king his own way, so he decided he would FIGHT for that wish… So now he makes sure NO ONE fulfills their dreams, the same way he never could, and he makes sure everyone remembers him, everyone loves him, and no one ignores him… So yeah he’s a brat, right? What a loser.

I STILL can’t put Amaya’s backstory into words BUT ILL WORK ON THAT!!! It’s kinda more complicated!

Oh and of course we can’t forget to talk about Aster… Boy sure can run can’t he?

Now about the people of Rosas, I’m sure y’all noticed how this is the second time we had a scene of the royal couple and Asha in front of a crowd, right? Yeah remember back then when we were on chapter 3? Good times. So ummm I mentioned that I don’t like writing scenes with crowds watching… And I still don’t, so why do I keep doing it? Well there’s a reason why this rewrite is called “The Kingdom of Wishes” and it’s not just because it’s a generic name, the second reason is because THE KINGDOM itself is A CHARACTER, and is in fact the character that needs rescuing. Like, those people are all victims, they don’t know they’re having their cultures erased from their minds or their interests twisted, and even their lives ruined by being turned into animals sometimes.

So we have like 3 scenes with a crowd in this story, the first was on chapter 3 when the whole crowd agreed with Magnifico and Amable 100%, then the second was this one where they just agree 50% if not less, and the last one will be the climax when they realize OH DANG YALL WE’VE BEEN BAMBOOZLED! THESE TWO MONARCHS ARE CRAZY AND NOT IN A WHIMSICAL WILLY WONKA WAY! So yeah, look forward to that…

If you’re wondering how close we are to the climax… Uuuuuuh let’s say we’re in the middle of the second act… This story is long.

One more thing, every single time I imagine the scene Asha is pulled back to the plaza while Aster is running all I can think about is this:

Anyway, see ya next time for more angst!

Thank You For Reading!

[yokohamapound]

Could you write Atsushi with a fem!reader who sees him as a weretiger, and has to try to convince him that he's not a monster? Please?? Extra fluff, if possible.

I hope this is okay. I'm not very good at extreme fluff without a little bit of humour.

Characters: Nakajima Atsushi

Contents: gender neutral reader, angst, fluff, mention of aftermath of violence,

Nakajima Atsushi

Atsushi's bones creaked. Blue light limned his shrinking form as the giant white tiger disappeared, leaving a bedraggled boy in its place. He pressed his palms against the wet concrete, uneven bangs hanging in his eyes as he tried to catch his breath. There was a sour copper tang in his mouth, things he didn't want to think about caught between his teeth.

Bodies lay beaten and broken around him. Not dead, but half-mauled and groaning in pain, or unconscious.

It had been a long time since he was forced to use a full transformation—it took it out of him. He was still—partly—lucid when transformed, unlike in the past when he'd been nothing more than a ravening beast.

He coughed, spitting out the taste of blood and flesh. An unfortunate side effect of using the tiger's teeth to bite and maul, but it was worth it. He'd defeated his enemies. He'd kept Yokohama safe for another day, at least.

Atsushi sat up on his knees, wiping his mouth on the back of his wrist. He reached for the phone in his pocket. He should call Dazai and check in. The man already knew Atsushi would be fine, but Kunikida had drummed proper mission protocol into his head. He stabbed the speed-dial, holding the ringing phone to his ear.

"Aaaatsushi!" Dazai chirped in his ear. "How'd it go?"

"It's done," was all he could say. "I—"

Atsushi's words dried up in his throat. There was a figure standing in the mouth of the narrow alleyway, blocking off the only exit from this deserted stretch of docklands. It wasn't another enemy he'd somehow missed. The figure wasn't threatening in the least, weighed down with grocery store bags.

"Atsushi?" Dazai's voice filtered through the phone, tinny.

Atsushi hung up. What little colour he had in his face had already drained. His golden eyes were huge, distraught as he stared at the interloper. The field of broken bodies and blood splatters between him and them seemed infinite, a tableau of bestial violence.. 

"How much did you see?" he asked, his voice thin.

Your arms ached from clutching the bags of groceries against your chest, and your tongue was stuck to the roof of your mouth. Frozen to the spot where you'd been for the past few minutes, watching the fight unfold with wide, shellshocked eyes. You couldn’t speak.

"How much did you see!?" Atsushi demanded.

"Every…everything," you managed, mouth suddenly flooding with spit, like you were going to be sick. "Atsushi—"

It had been a foolish impulse, a spur of the moment decision you were quickly coming to regret. Coming home from the grocery store, laden down with bags, you'd spotted a familiar lean, silver-haired figure jogging off down an alleyway. Curious, you'd followed, keeping your distance. Is he working? If he had time for a break, you could stop for lunch! There was nothing frozen in the grocery bags, so you could stop for an hour or so—

Carnage.

Your boyfriend was no longer there. Instead, there was a full grown silver tiger, laying waste to a dozen armed attackers. The violence was shocking, so much more visceral and awful than what you'd seen on TV or in movies. This wasn't an eroticised, sanitised fight scene—it was real. The sights, sounds, and stench of blood inescapable.

"No," Atsushi moaned now, low and in pain, like a wounded animal. "No, no, no… You can't—I didn't want you to see this!"

"Atsushi?" Your voice had a high, rising note of anxiety. 

“I didn’t want you to see me like this! Why are you here!?” 

Atsushi covered his face with his hands, fingers gripping his hair. He couldn’t bear to look at you, to see shock and disgust written across your face. Not your face. Not you, of all people. The young detective rocked back and forth, bent, his head almost touching his knees. 

“Don’t look at me.” His voice was choked.

“Atsushi—”

“Go!” 

The groceries hit the concrete, eggs cracking and tomatoes rolling out of the bag to scatter across the scene of the fight. You staggered toward him, magnetically drawn to him by his panic and pain. A few of the mercenaries were beginning to stir, but you didn’t have eyes for them, only for Atsushi. He flinched when you touched him, posture stiffening as though he was turning to stone beneath your hands. You crouched beside him. 

“Don’t, Atsushi,” you said, rubbing at his arms, his back. “Don’t…” 

An invisible fist gripped your throat and your eyes stung as you watched your boyfriend, your ray of sunlight, cower away from you as though expecting a blow. You took his wrists, trying to pull them away from his head, struggling against his strength and his distress. 

“Atsushi, please, it’s okay—”

“No, it’s not!” he burst out, flinging your hands off him. His expression was as ragged as his voice as he stared at you, eyes wide and haunted. “You were never supposed to see me like this. Like a…”

He swallowed the last word, but you were driven by morbid curiosity to ask:

“Like a what?”

“Like a monster.”

That last word hit you like a slap; you jerked back. Atsushi pressed his hands over his ears and hunkered down, like a child trying to hide from thunder, or protect himself from a beating—an ingrained reflex. It was an incongruous image, considering you were in the epicentre of a brutal beatdown he’d just delivered to some criminals. Despite the grim scene around you, you couldn’t reconcile the boy in front of you with any kind of monster. 

You chewed your lip, sick to the pit of your stomach, then leaned down to try and catch Atsushi’s eyes. The side of your face almost touched the pavement, the smell of blood heavy in the air. Reaching out a hand, you tried to sweep his bangs away from his eyes. He turned his head away.

“Atsushi, look at me.” You made your voice firm. “Look at me. Now.”

A pause. 

His eyes flickered toward you, his pupils shrunken. You held his gaze, ignoring the groaning mercenaries around you, the scattered groceries, the bite of the concrete into your knees. You cupped his chin in one hand, holding fast, and forced him to lift his head. 

“Good. Keep looking at me,” you said. 

Sitting up on your knees, Atsushi was forced to follow. Clasping his head between your hands, you leaned in, pressing your forehead against his. Atsushi’s harsh breathing stuttered against your face, but you held him still. His hands curled loosely around your wrists, but he didn’t try to push you away this time. 

“You,” you said, your voice low and emphatic, “are not a monster.”

“...but—”

“No.”

Atsushi’s phone pinged from where he'd dropped it. He looked at it by reflex, breaking eye contact with you. The mercenaries were beginning to stir or bleed out. Neither of you could stay here for long. You stuffed some of the groceries back into the bag, grabbed them in one hand, and Atsushi's hand in the other. 

“Let's get out of here,” you said. At some point, you had become the decision maker, and right now you decided both of you needed to get away from the scene so Dazai and the Armed Detective agency could initiate the clean-up. “Tell your boss you're off the scene, or whatever it is you need to do.”

You led Atsushi back through the alleyway and into the street. He shied a little at the sudden swell of pedestrians and traffic roaring up and down the street, but you tugged him after you. 

Sirens wailed in the distance; he flinched. You kept walking, leading him away from the scene of the fight. He kept his head down, following you in a heavy silence, but his fingers remained wrapped through yours. What was going through his head? Had any of your words sunk in?

Was this going to push him away from you for good?

Without a way to answer these questions, you took Atsushi home. Putting down the groceries on the doorstep, you fumbled in your pocket for the keys. Before you could fit the key into the lock, arms wrapped around you from behind. Tight. 

“A-Atsushi?”

He said nothing, only burying his face further into the curve between your shoulder and neck. His were like steel bands around your ribs as he clung to you, but you didn't mind being a little short of breath. You covered his hands with your own and squeezed. 

“Thank you.”

Atsushi's words came out muffled, and thick, like he was on the verge of crying. You didn't comment on it, rubbing his arms where they wrapped around you. 

“You've got nothing to thank me for,” you said gently, before fitting the key in the lock and opening the front door. 

“I do,” Atsushi insisted, following you into the apartment. “Even after…what you saw…”

“Was it for work?” 

“...yes.”

“Then it doesn’t matter what I saw. Those men were obviously up to something they shouldn’t be. I’m guessing you left them alive?”

Atsushi gave a stiff nod. He stood rooted to the spot as you moved through the kitchen, putting the groceries away. You weren’t sure what to do with yourself, or with him, so you focused on the act of putting away ingredients. Dried food in the cupboard, fresh in the fridge, rice in the rice dispenser. You opened the egg carton, and stopped. Clear yolk oozed out of the cracked shells, soaking the cardboard carton. 

“Ah, shit. I dropped the eggs…”

A soft, muffled snort came from behind you. You glanced over your shoulder. Atsushi still stood awkwardly in the middle of the kitchen, but he had his face half-turned away, one hand over his mouth. Huh? Your eyebrows crept up.

“Are you laughing at the state of my eggs, Nakajima?” you asked, a tentative tease.

Atsushi gave another muffled snicker. He cleared his throat, then gave a slight, apologetic bow. “Sorry.”

“What’s so amusing, anyway?” you asked, tipping the broken eggs into the trash and tossing the soaked cardboard after it. 

“Just…if you’re more worried about broken eggs than me being a…”

“Don’t use the M-word.”

“Okay. If broken eggs are more important than seeing me the way you did, then I guess it can’t be that bad.” He gave you an uncertain smile. 

Relief made a matching smile bloom across your face. You tossed your wallet to Atsushi, who caught it out of mid-air, looking surprised. 

“Exactly. Go grab me a dozen of them if you want omelette for dinner.”

[twst-drabbles]

Azul 26

Summary: Dinner with Azul was done. You have caught up with what he's been doing over the years, and now it's time for you to be off on your travels. You stop yourself to say one final thing, just so he knows.

(I'll be skipping around because I have scenes in the head and I don't want to write in chronological order. That and I have no clue what the meetings should be like. Brain is empty!)

Haa, alright, it's now or never. If you walk through that door now without saying a thing, you know you'll just leave without a trace once more.

So, you turn around. You can't allow yourself to be coward like this.

"Hey, Azul," you still had his attention, but you had to call to him again, just to focus yourself, "when I leave again, I'm not going to be coming back."

Your tongue almost added 'probably,' at the end, but you won't lie to him.

"Well, I can hardly blame you at all," Azul shook his head, a tired smile waning on his face, threatening to disappear, "stay here and abandon those you've risked so much to get back home to, or go back and let all this drift off into a gentle dream. The choices you've made, I know you to never go back on them."

You didn't move as Azul approached your side. You hate the thought of wavering in any capacity, so you kept your focus on Azul's face, even as it became harder to take in that gentle smile.

"…I won't be able to attend any of your parties, or diners, you know?" It took too much time for Malleus to even get his invitation to you. He was waiting every day by that mirror for ten odd years in hopes you'd respond. And it's a miracle that you did.

A fluke, probably, that it only took ten years. Who's to say it won't be more next time? Who's to say that Malleus will be able to reach you at all? Well, perhaps he'll be able to figure it out and get invitations and letters through in a shorter period of time. You'll still be late, no matter how fast they're sent, because you lived in a different time-axis than the people here.

This world is beautiful, as well as the world back home, but… you don't think you can stand the thought of coming back to world that will always forget you. Where, so many years pass by that your existence just… faded away while you're still alive and living.

Azul nodded, "A shame you won't be able to attend my funeral when it comes. I was planning on having some delectable snacks there too."

The lightness he treated the subject kept you calm, but you didn't like the way your stomach gained more weight at the thought. But, well, you suppose the thought of death and what comes afterward comes when you see the changes in the mirror, see the way the eyes start sinking just the slightest bit deeper, and the way your face gains more lines with time, and the annoying pains in places you didn't expect them to be.

"…yeah," you had to push the word out. You put your hands in your pockets, "Guess I'll miss that too. I'll miss a lot of things."

You missed too many things already, so what's a lot more? May as well not have come here at all if this was what's going to greet you.

A younger Azul probably would have bargained or negotiated his way into getting you to stay. He tried to do so the minute he found out the way home was one-way only. You didn't like it then, the way he was scrambling for something that'll entice you to stay just a few more minutes longer, until he reaches a far away milestone or until his name reaches the ears of those famous and lofty. But, as Azul said, you've always been one to stick with your decisions.

Like weeds, you make sure to get everything out before they dig deeper. Half-assing everything, with anything regarding your life, was simply something you could never do, especially not when you know yourself to leave things until the last minute if you allow yourself.

That's what a younger Azul was hoping for, almost begging for even.

But, not this one.

This Azul's hands were on his custom made cane, drumming his fingers on the hilt as he hummed a familiar tune and tapped with his good foot.

"…you know," may as well get it off your chest while you're here, "it's kind of unfair, for me at least. Everything is still so fresh in my mind," The younger faces, the weird little habits and childish antics, the word tics, "and I came here just to have a little fun, like back in college. But…"

But…

"But we're not the same as we once were," nothing about Azul's composure was lost. It was weird, seeing his smile capable of this type of experienced gentleness, originating from pain he has probably long since come to terms with. He held a hand out towards you, inviting you to take it, "While I can't say I'm a better version than the one you remember, I am different. And I will be different tomorrow and the days onward. If you don't intend to come back once you go home, then let us at least have some fun like you wanted to. Nothing wrong with making more memories, is there? Or do you intend to leave this older gentleman such as I alone on the dance floor?"

You stared at his hand, then his face, and let out an airy chuckle. "Alright, alright old man. Quit it with the Crowley-isms."

You walked past the curtains that gave you two all the privacy you needed, and pulled Azul into a dance you're familiar with. But, it seems he wasn't ready. Poor man stumbled into you.

This time, Azul had to laugh as his hat fell off. "Be careful with me, don't you know how delicate and soft I am? Leave a bruise on me and I'll demand compensation from you."

"With what money?" You barely brought anything.

"Not money, time. I'll demand another dance." Azul is still as cheeky as ever.

"Aren't you gonna pick up your hat?" You can see it getting kicked around by the more drunken folks around here.

"Leave it. It's doesn't matter when I'm having fun. Let the world see my graying hairs."

That's… you were not focused on that. Besides…

"Isn't your hair already gray?"

"Oh come on. Don't tell me you can't see the difference? Look, see? Right there."

And you couldn't. Because you both were still moving and twirling around. It's awkward.

"Azul, we're dancing. I can't really focus on it."

Then, Azul sighed. "I really do have to be more blunt with you, don't I? I'm asking you to touch my hair. So touch it. There won't be a fee, I promise. The feeling alone is it's own reward."

"Should've started off with that Azul."