#the fact that they’re trans or have any ill feelings I’m not being born physically aligned with the gender they are

[seilon]

hm

[theconstitutionisgayculture]

I’m trying to educate myself on the discussions that your blog has and wanted to ask about something regarding gender identity:

I’ve read about John Money and the experiments he performed on children, and that he came up with the phrase “gender identity.” Is gender identity part of just “nonbinary” people, or is it that and the trans movement? I never got the nonbinary term or the need for it, but I want to get your perspective on if it also applies to trans people, and would anyone transgender (with gender dysphoria, not trenders) be inadvertently supporting gender identity, and by association John Money’s definition, even if the person themselves says that they vehemently despise John Money, or if they don’t like TRAs and the trans movement/community? As an additional question, would you prefer a psychologist tell people diagnosed with dysphoria to wait until they’re at least 18 or older to consider if they’re ready to undergo permanent surgery, rather than just tell them they’re trans right away?

I’m not sending this as a “gotcha” or anything like it, I just want to understand if I’m missing anything. Plus, I find the idea of trans children to be weird, and I don’t like the idea of pushing gender identity onto them before they’re old enough to realistically think it through

So, what "non-binary" actually means is just being gender non conforming. And what that means is not adhering to gender roles. For example, a woman with short hair, or a man who wears a skirt.

What people who say they're non-binary thinks it means, though, is a real, actual third gender. They absolutely buy into "gender identity" as described by John Money; the idea that gender is different from sex and can be changed at any time.

There is no such thing as a third gender. There are men and women, and people with gender dysphoria have a mental illness where their brain is telling them their physical gender is wrong, and that they should have been born in the body of a member of the opposite gender. So, real, actual trans people are not non-binary. It's not a real thing. It's a trend.

As an additional question, would you prefer a psychologist tell people diagnosed with dysphoria to wait until they’re at least 18 or older to consider if they’re ready to undergo permanent surgery, rather than just tell them they’re trans right away?

Yes, 18 at the very least. 18 should be when the process to transition starts. And that means trying every other possible option first, followed by a long process of making sure the person who wants to transition is both mentally competent to make that decision and is well aware of the risks and complications and the impacts of living with the aftermath of that kind of surgery.

The facts are the vast majority of kids and teens who say they have "gender confusion" grow up to be perfectly comfortable with their birth gender; that puberty turns the brain into a soup of hormones; that one oft he most common experiences of puberty is feeling uncomfortable with your body and the way its developing; that there are multiple mental illnesses that we know can't be accurately diagnosed in children and teens because of how their brains and bodies are developing. Any one of these facts alone should be enough to have any reputable doctor putting a stop to transitioning minors. So yes, no one, especially a doctor, should ever be telling a child that they're trans.

Trans children do not exist.

Behind every "trans child" is an adult who is abusing that child. Full stop.

[2q5b]

TOLDOT

By Ezra

November 15th, 2023

My body is changing. I’m a trans woman, and for almost two years I have been taking estrogen and now progesterone, changing my physical chemistry and physical attributes: my skin, my fat distribution, my breasts. I’ve also undergone laser hair removal treatments and more recently electrolysis to remove my facial hair. I am in the midst of a physical process, but more deeply a spiritual process, that has made me feel so much more free, more honest. I am learning what it looks like to keep on becoming myself.

         I also have been dealing with an unexplained illness since April. It started on Passover, in fact—not gonna try to thematically interpret that one. One day I quite suddenly collapsed from exhaustion and weakness; when I woke up I could barely move. In the emergency room, they ran all kinds of tests, revealing very little. For months, I lay down on the couch most of the day, though without any more fainting, thank God. The various doctors I’ve seen still can’t figure it out. It let up in the summer and I thought it was mostly over, but in recent weeks it’s very much returned. I am learning what it’s like to not be able to do things, to need a lot of help, to have to stay home, to cancel plans. What it’s like to be really weak.

         In this week’s parsha, Jacob and Esau are born. From the beginning, Jacob seems jealous of Esau. Not only of his first-born status and its attendant privileges, but of his actual body. He is born grasping his brother’s heel, as if saying: That’s the body I want. This jealousy is prenatal, foretold to Rivka during pregnancy. It is rooted in an inherited anxiety about the physical.

Their parents were inheritors of a spiritual dynasty. Isaac and Rivka both experienced direct communication with God. Spirituality was not a problem for them. It was the physical that was difficult. The parents were at first unable to conceive, and when Rivka did become pregnant, the pregnancy was troubled. Vayitrotz’tzu habanim b’kirbah: the children were agitated within her, and she said, “If so, why am I this?”

  אִם־כֵּ֔ן לָ֥מָּה זֶּ֖ה אָנֹ֑כִי 

The pain and deep uncertainty of pregnancy derail her sense of self; she seems to question her very existence. So she asks God, and God tells her that she is carrying twins, and the twins will be rivals—not only during their lives, but through the future histories of the nations that will descend from them.

We’re all born into heavy expectations. There are questions that create a void that our parents, try as they might, cannot help but project themselves into. Who will this child be? How will they fit into my life? Will the child listen to what I teach them, or will they break the chain of cultural transmission?

And of course: What will their gender be? And also: There won’t be anything wrong with them, will there?

There is always some prophecy hanging over a child. There is always some concept, however vague, of who they’re destined to be. But the only concrete information parents know about newborn children is communicated by their bodies.

The twins are named on sight. Eisav is born covered in hair. Rashi interprets his name as being a form of the word “asah,” “made,” because he was, as a newborn, already as hairy as a full-grown man. It was as if he had already finished growing up.

Jacob, Yaakov, is different. He is born grasping onto his brother’s heel, and he is named for his grasping, his potentially nefarious ambition. The name Ya’akov is related to the word akev, heel, because he grabbed his brother’s heel. But it also means curve – akev means heel because the heel is curved – which in turn can mean to subvert, to make crooked what was straight.

         Jacob is not straight. Jacob is queer. And you might say, oh haha, clever wordplay there. But there’s a reason straight people are called straight: they do the more expected thing, the thing that’s easy to understand. Boys are boys and girls are girls, boy marries girl and they have children. And we who aren’t straight take a different path, that confuses people, that takes more effort. We have to figure out our own path and it is not prepared for us in advance, point A to point B.

         Eisav, the parents project, is who he is, already done growing, what you see is what you get. But Jacob has a winding path to walk, a path of failure and doubt and growth and change. Eisav is strong, physical, simple, out in the fields. Jacob is conceptual, complex, hidden in tents, perhaps weak. And what’s he doing all day in those tents anyway?

The text knows better than the parents, and tips its hand: Jacob was, ish tam, yoshev ohalim. A simple person sitting in the tents. What feels knotted and inscrutable in the harsh light of social life makes sense in solitude. You go back to your room to regroup. You remember who you are, that you’re real. This was my entire adolescence, and so much of my adult life too. 

Jacob is closeted for a long time. His is a slow transition.

Together the brothers fulfill the prophecy of rivalry. Of course they do. For a while. Jacob is so desperate for his father’s approval that he resorts to disguising himself as his brother. His body is a problem, inadequate, undeveloped. So he rejects it in favor of an imitation of Eisav’s hairy, already-grown body. And he wears his brother’s clothes. He can’t dress in front of his father the way he dresses in his tent.

וַיָּבֹ֥א אֶל־אָבִ֖יו וַיֹּ֣אמֶר אָבִ֑י וַיֹּ֣אמֶר הִנֶּ֔נִּי מִ֥י אַתָּ֖ה בְּנִֽי׃

He went to his father and said, “My father.” And he said, “Here I am. Who are you, my son?”

Yitzchak is asking which one of his sons he’s talking to. But he’s also saying: I am who I am, son, but are you who you are?

And Jacob lies. He closets himself, because he knows that he’s not simple like his father is simple, the dutiful son who devoutly followed the path Abraham laid out for him; he’s not physical and natural like his brother Eisav, the first-born and thus uncontested inheritor of the family legacy. He lies because he knows his actual self will be misunderstood, and he feels that it has already been rejected. He will become the perfect son, whoever he needs to pretend to be to receive love.

The text does not shy away from the emotional turmoil this causes Eisav and Yitzchak when they eventually find out. “Yitzchak trembled a great trembling, very much, ad m’od,” it tells us. “Eisav cried out a great and bitter cry, very much, ad m’od.” Their illusion of their family’s normalcy crumbles before their eyes, and suddenly everything’s twisted and strange to them. The next verse: “[Eisav] said, “Was he, then, named Yaakov that he might supplant me, Vaya’akveini, these two times?” He yaakov’ed me, he bent my straight path.

This event blows up the family and makes it a place of instability, fear and violence. This is what queer people are so often accused of doing to our families. We destroy the illusion of family simplicity by being our inconvenient selves. Because that simplicity never actually included us. It was not peace, but silence.

As deceitful, as hurtful as Jacob’s behavior is, it is Eisav who threatens violence. Jacob’s family is no longer safe for him. He is exiled from his home, pulled out of the tent, pulled out of the closet and off the straight path he thought he might be able to walk. His real life begins at this moment, a life which leads to the life of the Jewish people. Eventually he will find his new name, Israel, and it is the name his descendants will carry, even up to today. He will encounter God, and begin to walk with a limp, and learn what it is to feel whole.

It is a vulnerable thing to walk an unexpected path, to have a body, a life, that is unsanctioned by normativity and tradition. A vulnerable thing indeed. But a spiritual person must ask: how can it be a holy thing as well?

I’m lying down as I write this. My back, my head, my legs ache terribly. My beautiful breasts are slowly getting larger. I never rejected what my parents gave me, but I am changing it, making it my own. Day by day, I am learning who I am, and learning to love my winding, mysterious, queer path.

[mellometal]

Is it time to tear ANOTHER Dhar Mann video to shreds? YOU BET.

I've been sitting on this one for a bit because I wanted to make sure I talk about this tactfully. The subject of parents abandoning their disabled children is a very touchy one.

Parents abandoning their disabled children simply for being disabled is way too common. Like, I understand that not everyone has the resources to care for a disabled child (which is why you reach out for help, and why people like me, who work with disabled people, exist), but it doesn't mean you just walk out of their life. There are exceptions, like if you truly didn't want children or something like that, but just flat-out walking out of your kid's life BECAUSE they're disabled is fucked up.

I know someone personally whose biological mother abandoned her when she was born. Why? Because she's disabled. Physically, and mentally, to a point. I work with this woman on a daily basis. I don't really know WHY exactly her biological mother abandoned her, but I do know that her being disabled was part of it. It's sad. It doesn't affect her, thankfully. I'm happy that she's got her biological dad, her brother, and another maternal figure in her life, at least.

ANYWAYS. Before we get to the topic at hand, I need to put an obligatory trigger warning, like I do with EVERY Dhar Mann post:

This post will be talking about parents abandoning their disabled children simply for being disabled, treating disabilities like they're tragedies (in this case, we're talking about autism...again), divorce, and some SPICY ableist bullshit from an allistic (nonautistic) PIECE OF SHIT.

If any of this triggers you or makes you uncomfortable in any way, you don't have to read this post. This isn't worth putting yourself in a bad state mentally. I would never ask for any of you to put yourselves in that position all for a post. Put your mental health and well-being first. Consume media that sparks joy for you.

As far as my response goes, it's definitely more calm than normal. Funny....since this video is about autism spectrum disorder again. (Third time's the charm, huh, Dhar Mann? NOT.)

LET'S FUCKING GET IT.

The video starts off with these two parents (Gwen and Allen) in a psychologist's office. The psychologist tells the parents that their son (Chance) is autistic, and she tries to explain what autism is to the parents, but Allen cuts her off. Why? Because he teaches at a prestigious university, so he AUTOMATICALLY knows what autism is from that fact alone.

Um, excuse me? Just because you're a teacher at a prestigious university, it doesn't mean you're an expert in everything. It doesn't make you an expert in ASD or anything like that. Unless you SPECIALIZE in that area. Even then, shut the fuck up. The people who know about being autistic are AUTISTIC PEOPLE THEMSELVES! SHOCKER.

Hey, Dhar Mann! QUIT WITH THE VIDEOS ABOUT AUTISTIC LITTLE WHITE BOYS AND YOUNG WHITE AUTISTIC CISHET MEN! I'M SICK AND TIRED OF IT. It's annoying, ignorant, and it feels like you're doing this on purpose at this point to piss people off. If you're so uninformed about autism in women and girls, FUCKING ASK AUTISTIC WOMEN AND GIRLS! DO BETTER RESEARCH THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE AUTISM SPEAKS. The Autism Self Advocacy Network (ASAN) and the Autistic Women and Nonbinary People Network (AWN) are great organizations to go to for any kind of research on ASD in women and girls. STOP GOING OFF OF THE BRAINS OF AUTISTIC WHITE BOYS AND AUTISTIC WHITE MEN.

I don't feel I need to go too deep into the fact that autistic women, autistic girls, autistic nonbinary people, autistic BIPOC, autistic AAPI, autistic LGBT people, autistic teenagers, and autistic adults exist. Y'all already know.

Gwen asks the psychologist if that means Chance isn't healthy. (I understand not knowing about autism, but don't treat it like it's a terminal illness. Please.) The psychologist tells her that Chance is fine, but he just learns differently and might need more support compared to his peers.

Yeah, autism can affect how you learn about certain things (limited and repetitive patterns), but there are other disabilities that can affect learning as well. Like how dyslexia can affect your ability to read, dyspraxia can affect your ability to do math, and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) can affect your ability to focus or on impulse control. Autism affects how your brain is developed, it affects you socially, behaviorally, and how you communicate.

Allen is upset, says that he can't have a son "with a learning disability" (ASD is a neurological disability, not necessarily a learning disability), and treats Chance like he's stupid for being autistic. Gwen tells her husband that autism doesn't make you any less intelligent, WHICH IS SO FUCKING TRUE. ABSOLUTE FACTS. I was totally with her until she began that little monologue with "Just because a person HAS autism". SAY "JUST BECAUSE A PERSON'S AUTISTIC" INSTEAD! IT'S NOT HARD. PERSON FIRST LANGUAGE ISN'T WHAT EVERY DISABLED PERSON PREFERS. Allen says that "they could have another kid" and "put Chance up for adoption". Gwen obviously wasn't down with that. Allen gives his wife an ultimatum that it's either HIM or their son Chance. Gwen says that she can't choose between the two, but she will stand by her autistic son. Allen gets up and leaves the office, saying he wants a divorce.

Years pass by, Gwen is single and taking care of her autistic son Chance, and Allen has a new life with a ✨perfect son✨ (Samuel). He never mentions the son HE abandoned (Chance). He's completely forgotten about Gwen and Chance. (YOU OWE SO MUCH CHILD SUPPORT, ALLEN.)

Hey, Allen, how much do you wanna bet that your ✨perfect son✨ Samuel is autistic too?

There's the SATs, they're announcing a winner, and guess who it is? IT'S OBVIOUSLY CHANCE, OF COURSE. He's got the highest score in the country, with Samuel in second place. Allen is PISSED.

Chance gives a speech about how his mom really helped him, he struggled with autism, how Allen LITERALLY ABANDONED HIM, and THE CROWD GOES FUCKING WILD. Samuel, instead of being a sore loser, APPLAUDS FOR CHANCE. Stay humble, Sam.

My thoughts on the video? If you cannot tell by my tone throughout this post, IT WAS DOG SHIT. This video was insensitive to the true reality of parents abandoning their disabled children just because they're disabled. What do I expect from Dhar Mann at this point?

Here's my response to his video below. Don't worry, I will fully type out my response soon for anyone who cannot read the screenshots easily. It's a lot easier for me to do that on the desktop site than it is for me to do it on my phone.

For anyone who can’t read my response, I’m typing it out for you. Like I said, it’s easier for me to type it out on the desktop site than it is for me to type it out on my phone. It’s a real royal pain in the ass. But because I’m trying to make my posts easier to read for people, I’m doing this anyway. /lighthearted

First, second, and third screenshots (broken up into paragraphs):

Hey, listen, I appreciate the message you’re trying to go for, but can you please stop putting autistic people into a box? Can you stop treating being autistic like it’s a tragedy? Not every single autistic person is a little white boy in elementary school who’s considered “wild and unruly” or “super quiet and makes no friends”, nor are they a young white cishet man who’s a super genius or is how Chris Chan was before she came out as trans. (For anyone who doesn’t know about Chris Chan, there are many documentaries people have made on YouTube, and I highly recommend Geno Samuel’s docuseries, if you’re really interested in learning about Chris Chan.)

Autistic women, girls, nonbinary people, BIPOC, APPI, LGBT people, teenagers, and adults all exist too. 

It’s very apparent now that you get your resources from Autism $peaks, a hate group that spends the vast majority of their money on funding eugenics instead of helping autistic people like they claim, claims that only little white boys and young white cishet men are autistic and ignores all other autistic people who don’t fit that description, have no autistic people on their leader board or on any board for that matter, have members who have actually fantasized about k1lling their autistic children, treat autism like it’s a tragedy or a disease someone can catch (completely false), act like autism should be cured (there is no cure, and ABA therapy is a total shit show in itself), and treats autistic people like they’re broken and need to be fixed. Also, not every autistic person is a Super Genius(tm). That’s so demeaning to autistic people who aren’t seen as intelligent in any way. I’m autistic and seen as smart; however, there are subjects I’m stronger in than others.

If you can’t handle the possibility of having autistic children, or just disabled children in general, DON’T HAVE CHILDREN. If you can’t handle working with or alongside disabled people, including autistic people, maybe find a different profession. Even if you do that, you’ll never get away from disabled people. Disabled people aren’t a disease. We’re human beings just like neurotypical and able-bodied people.

Fourth and fifth screenshots (broken up into paragraphs): 

I would highly suggest getting resources from reputable organizations for ASD, such as the Autism Self Advocacy Network (ASAN) and the Autistic Women and Nonbinary People Network (AWN). Talk to any autistic person who isn’t a little white boy or a young white cishet man. 

Instead of using the puzzle piece, which is a symbol that many autistic people, myself included, are offended by (because of Autism $peaks and other organizations before them using it, plus it symbolizes that only autistic children exist and that we’re “missing a piece” like we’re broken), use the rainbow infinity sign (for all neurodivergent people) or the red and gold infinity sign (just for autistic people). Instead of “lighting it up blue”, light it up red or gold. Do both if you want. 

I’m actually really sick and tired of seeing just autistic little white boys and young autistic white cishet men being represented in the media, and y’all manage to fuck that up too. 

Before anyone mentions Sia’s movie “Music”, that’s also very poor representation of autistic girls. Besides, the actress who played the autistic girl isn’t even autistic. She MOCKED autistic people. I know she’s a kid, but that’s still super fucked up. I hope she’s able to turn that around. 

If anyone would like to discuss this topic with me or ask any questions, feel free to. I’ll answer as best as I can. Thank you and have a good night.

Before I get attacked for mentioning Chris Chan in my response, I bring up Chris Chan because allistic people think that every autistic person is like her (especially before she came out as trans). That person is part of why I wasn't open about being autistic or talking about my diagnosis until this year. I didn't want to be grouped up with Chris Chan because I do have very similar interests to her, I've been seen as cringey for having said interests, and just the way Chris treated autistic people who were formerly diagnosed with A$p3rg3r$ $yndr0m3 (like I was) really made me feel even more alienated.

Also, S1a supports A$ (Autism $p3aks). She's not a very good person to support. Some of her music is good, but her as a person....no. Her movie "Music" was gross, from what I've read about it and seen pictures of.

If you've read this far, thank you so much!

[ihopesocomic]

I watched your review and analysis of a certain animated series and thought that it was very well thought out and had several good points. My question is, if someone, who may or may not be writing from a place of privilege, wanted to write something that deals with LGBTQ+, or disabled characters, or other minorities, how should they do it? Are there maybe bets readers out there that can point out "hey, this character doing X is actually really shitty and maybe they shouldn't do that if you want to portray them in Y way. Maybe they should do this instead"?

Your character and their personality must always, ALWAYS come BEFORE their sexuality. You shouldn’t make a character based around homosexuality, bisexuality and so on. Create your character how you wish first and then have things like their sexuality and gender identity come later. Adamant, for example, never started out as LGBT+. We always intended for her to be the annoying, bratty lil sister... the fact that she’s bisexual came much later down the road. Establish your character first so they’re more ‘real’ and believable as characters as opposed to just stereotypes or pieces of tokenism.  As for characters with disabilities, I personally feel that you should treat them how you’d treat an actual disabled individual, if that makes sense? Don’t baby them, don’t fall into the trap of making them the standout, “weak” member of the cast and do NOT romanticise their suffering and abuse for the sake of plot. Have a resolution and a payoff for that sort of thing. Make their disability a natural part of their growth as a person. Especially if they were born with their disability. Don’t take one disabled individual’s word over another, though. We all deal with things differently and there are SO many conditions out there that affect us differently as well. I highly recommend watching videos from disabled YTers, as they’re very enlightening and each story is different. There are also plenty of blogs from disabled individuals out there too. Just do your homework and put in the research and you’re doing your part to make respectful representation. 

As for your last question: people who are LGBT+ and/or disabled are not unproblematic angels. We’re human. We have flaws. We do shitty things sometimes. To put us on this pedestal to try and portray us as “perfect” is actually what’s known as “inspiration porn” and it objectifies disabled individuals and also fuels the idea that disabled individuals should be regarded with pity, which is an ableist way of thinking because why should our accomplishments be regarded as ‘different’ to that of someone who is able-bodied and neurotypical?:  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inspiration_porn 

I get it a lot when I talk about my disabilities and the fact that I have a degree and did a year of an MA. People are kinda like ‘wow1!!!1 you’ve done so well for yourself!!′ in a babying tone of voice and it’s extremely awkward and embarrassing. Being disabled =/= being completely and utterly helpless and incompetent.  Now, if you have the able-bodied, neurotypical characters being unproblematic, undisputed good guys and idk somebody with paranoid schizophrenia as a bad guy: that’s a problem. Mental illness or physical disabilities shouldn’t be used as a go-to motive for evil, inhumane actions. It’s not a suitable motive in rl so it shouldn’t be in fiction, if you get me?  Same goes portraying an LGBT+ character as outright diabolical. Let’s use Moonstrike from MP as an example: they’ve been hyped as this “LGBT+ friendly” show’s trans representation for several months and what does the show have them doing? They have them advocate baby killing. Not just baby killing, but the killing of a beloved character of the show that the audience is very fond of. I’ve seen MP fans argue that this is fine because “LGBT+ individuals aren’t meant to be perfect” like OK? But there’s ‘not being perfect’ and then there’s being a baby killer. This is especially egregious when this is your main trans representation that you’ve hyped for the last few months.  I’m very sorry if this explanation is all jumbled and all over the place but it all boils down to one simple fact: don’t make any of these traits (being LGBT+, being disabled) as THE defining character trait of your character. There’s a lot more to an individual than those things. 

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

im really confused with (my) gender :( I wish I knew what gender even means, because for people outside the queer community it is just your genials, your boobs, your clothing, your hair, and your height. Are those things gendered or are humans gendered ? and if something is gendered what makes it gendered, what does men and women mean ? Ive been thinking about this and I just don't know, the only thing I know is that I love wearing big clothes, looking like a mushroom on a suit and I love being called bonito (means pretty boy in spanish because spanish adjectifs are gendered:( )

my main struggle is that, I don't even know what gender is or means, how I'm I supposed to apply something that I don't understand to my daily life ? how am I supposed to explore my gender identity if I don't know what gender is/means?

Hi anon. I can only answer from my experiences here and other people can probably input with other ideas from their perspectives too, but perhaps you are a binary trans person, perhaps you are non binary. But perhaps you’re neither, I mean questioning and wondering about gender doesn’t HAVE to mean you’re not actually cisgender. Also I am wondering, are you neurodivergent maybe? Because this struggling to understand gender is especially common I think amongst many neurodivergent people. Not that neurotypical people necessarily can easily make sense of it either but it often seems to be even more difficult for neurodivergent people to figure it out. That is probably a big part of the reason why a lot of newer gender labels exist (the sort that bigots love to mock and invalidate) not because all of them are actually describing the person’s gender but because in some cases they’re describing the vagueness of it and a person’s inability to describe it in any more specific terms often because of their neurodivergency (things like autism, various mental illnesses or even some physical illnesses which can impact on the brain and its functioning). There are the terms like genderqueer and non binary or queer used specifically in reference to gender, which can be used as umbrella terms or they can be used just as labels in themselves and these can be used by anyone, neurodivergent or neurotypical. But there are loads of other terms people have come up with for genders and people are inventing new words for them all the time and some of those do relate to specific things like autism or chronic illness which can affect a person’s understanding of gender.

I’m not saying by the way just because you’re confused that automatically makes you non binary - you might be, or you might be a binary trans person, or you might be cis and just confused. But if you think perhaps you might be non binary I will say that you may be better trying to find some sort of blog/group/forum that is specifically for non binary people so you can get input from a wider range of non binary people and see if any of their experiences resonate with you.

In the end though only you can really say what you are as well as what gender means (or doesn’t mean) to you. I think probably gender means different things to different people and how they work out what they are, probably it can be difficult for a lot of people to figure out, quite probably even a lot of cisgender people. I think really ultimately gender is just a feeling, and sometimes I think perhaps it’s as much a feeling about what you aren’t as about what you actually are. Like, if you feel for example you’re not a woman, well that might be a starting point to work out what you are. It might mean you’re a man, or it might mean you’re something else entirely. Maybe you’re agender/genderless and can’t figure it out for that reason? Although you’d probably be best asking agender people about that if you think that might be the case for you, because I’m not agender myself.

Also for some people, they don’t stick with one term all the time. Their gender itself might change (because they’re genderfluid or something like that). Or they might just find a better term or label after a period of using one label. Changing labels for whatever reason is fine, you don’t have to pick one and then just stick with it forever if it’s not right for you or your ideas about your gender change over time.

Society and the culture that we all live in, whatever society and culture that is, will usually tend to gender things like clothing, hairstyles, colours even, as well as genitals and body shapes/types and that sort of thing. And course the more obvious transphobes love reducing gender down to “biological sex” and, essentially just what genitalia you were born with. That’s probably not going to change any time soon unfortunately, but it doesn’t mean those things inherently have a gender, it’s just society in general and these bigoted individuals and small groups as well projecting onto them. You can be any gender and have any body type/body features, wear any kind of clothing, have any hairstyle, etc. Obviously in many cases realistically it’s not going to be perceived that way by the rest of society and that fact is going to put off both many binary trans and non binary people from expressing themselves in the way they’d truly like to because they can’t deal with all the inevitable misgendering and perhaps even worse than that from society. Likely that even puts off many cis people from dressing and appearing the way they truly want to, because of society’s reactions to it. But really, what you wear, how you present yourself to the world, it is your decision, and in terms of things like the clothing you wear, just do what feels comfortable and right to you.  

I can’t really answer though what gender means or is, not even for me. Gender is a human construct, a product of us having a brain and a mind and feeling things, emotions, thoughts, and creating language and words and having a need to communicate with others. But it is a very vague thing really and it’s hard probably for anyone to define what it actually is. I certainly can’t say how cis people know what gender they are because I’m not cis. I am non binary and also I am neurodivergent (probably in multiple ways), and I know what binary gender I am not and feel no connection at all with and I know which binary gender I lean more towards and connect with a lot but... it’s still hard to pin down in more concrete terms. I don’t really feel a need myself to be more specific though but everyone’s different, some people might need more specific terms. It’s OK to want those but it’s OK too to be fine with using more vague terms, and it’s OK to not actually care much about what you are or how people perceive you. And it’s also OK to be confused and question things and take a long time to work it out and it’s OK to change labels too so I mean, please don’t get too into thinking this stuff over to the point where it’s actually causing you distress and worry, in the grand scheme of things it’s really not that important to the state of the world or the universe or anything what gender you are, and whatever label(s) you pick is your choice and something that should be meaningful and useful to you and if questioning all of this is not useful to you then you don’t have to do it.

I’m sorry if this is pretty vague but I really don’t think there is a proper definition of what gender is, or one obvious way of working it out. It’s a very vague and abstract thing relating to very abstract things (thoughts, feelings) and it is also a very personal thing that almost certainly varies wildly from person to person.

- Tiger

[ex-terfs]

I’m curious about how you were introduced to trans exclusionary ideology, and when you realized how toxic it truly is. I’m genuinely curious.

Hello! Sorry for the hiatus.So this is my story & long rant post.I've been among TERFs/Radfems (AKA the Conservative side of "feminism") since 2015. In mid-2016 — with the dangers of having Trump as President — I started getting critical of everything going on in the community, deleted older posts, & stopped reblogging "trans-critical" stuff. In 2017 — after seeing TERFs celebrating that the 'Everyday Feminism' site was facing a financial crisis & after paying more attention at what our "enemies" were trying to say — I unfollowed all the bullies, & eventually started to despise seeing "trans-critical" stuff. Their hatred towards the "big scary Libfems" is what made me rethink my priorities.

Many parts of their ideology had peculiarly attracted my attention back in 2015. As a GNC person who celebrates gender nonconformity, their gender abolition theories seemed very interesting (& I later found out how bigoted they are towards GNC men & GNC people with different identities/pronouns). When I was a sex-repulsed person, their porn-critical & sex-negative theories also seemed very interesting to me (I later found out how bigoted they are towards sex-repulsed people — upholding heteronormativity & saying things like "Haha, nobody loves you", "If you're a man/bisexual/lesbian, you must perform oral sex on your gf"; but still, I'm NO longer in the sex-negative/SWERF community). People sending them death threats was also one of the reasons why I had joined their movement.

It always begins like this. Step 1: you begin exploring anti-kink/anti-porn stuff; Step 2: you begin exploring anti-"MOGAI" stuff; Final step: you turn into a transphobe. That's how I got into this mess.

Second-wave theories originally had a critical focus on the social construction of gender & sexuality, monogamy, submission/masochism, natalism, the family structure, the fear of nonconformity, emotional/economic dependency, religion, & violence.As a feminist, yeah, I still agree with most of these analyses. I love reading academic books. But there was something different about terf/radfem tumblr. & this is all I've noticed over the years.

TERFs treat their word like holy truth.

TERFs use Right-wing "sources" to back up their transphobic & sex-negative arguments (& often associate themselves with conservative groups).

TERFs claim that all men are "biologically/physically the same".

TERFs contradict themselves all the time: claim that sex-repulsed AroAces are "usual straights", mock people who just want to remain single, & at the same time still say that if you don't want to have sex with men, then "you're a lesbian"; they say that people don't owe you sex, & at the same time say it's "not okay" for men to sexually reject a woman for "bad reasons".

TERFs claim that lesbians who are anti-TERF or who don't believe in the "born-this-way" theory are "fake lesbians".

TERFs are against the idea of removing your secondary sexual characteristics; & if an AMAB person doesn't like their "secondary sexual characteristics", then they must be a "delusional fetishist" (srsly I identify as a woman, but I still wish I could remove my uterus & have a breast reduction surgery; & it's not for sexist reasons! Shocking, I know!).

TERFs claim that men can't be raped/abused by women (not all TERFs believe this, but I still see them quietly following the ones who do).

TERFs have definitely never read a book with a different perspective/purpose, yet they will act like total experts on any subject (TERFs act like they're experts on Postmodernism & Queer Theory, but they have no idea what these theories are actually about. These theories are both very complex & don't have only one definition! Shocking, I know!).

TERFs will assume you're a trans woman if you don't disclose you're actually AFAB (& they could still have doubts).

TERFs are very manipulative & use brainwashing tactics. If you're AFAB & anti-TERF, they will say it's because of your "internalized misogyny" & will try to guilt-trip you. Because how dare someone has a different opinion! If you're AFAB & proudly calls yourself 'genderfluid' or 'non-binary', TERFs will get offended.

TERFs claim that asexuality only exists "because of the prevalence of porn" (Aces & sex-repulsed people would still be here even if porn didn't exist! Shocking, I know!).

TERFs claim that men who call themselves 'feminist' are "all predators".

TERFs would rather include transphobic men in their spaces than "those evil libfems" (those women are enemies).

TERFs claim that radical feminism is the "only true feminism", & that all second-wave feminists were "radfems".

TERFs claim that GNC men are "fetishizing" femininity (but according to TERF logic, masculine men are not fetishizing masculinity).

TERFs are extremely bigoted towards sex workers, polyamorous people, people who don't want commitment, people who are sexually experimenting or who are promiscuous (which is also one of the reasons why I left the sex-negative community; their views on sex/lust/love are similar to the Christian conservative perspective).

I can definitely assure you I still very well remember most of their URLs & blog content. There are many TERFs who hide behind aesthetic blogs, & use subtle TERF language & comforting rhetoric — which you might not even notice if you don't know much about their specific type of language & tactics (e.g. complaining about the "neoliberal postmodern identities" & about people "erasing females"). This type of TERF also may follow a bunch of (trans-inclusive) anti-'MOGAI' & anti-kink blogs. If you're trans-inclusive & TERFs follow you, it's likely because your blog content doesn't make them uncomfortable.

Their blatant transphobia is absurd & paranoiac, & they don't hide it. Anyone who disagrees with them gets called a "handmaiden", "lesbophobe", "male", "genderist", "liberal", "libfem", "special snowflake" (I no longer consider myself a radical leftist, but I don't consider myself a centrist either). TERFs call trans women as a group "fetishists", "delusional", "mentally ill", "sociopaths", "narcissists", "pedophiles", "necrophiles", "incels", "genderfucks" + slurs like "tr*nny", "troon", "tr0n", "transes". They say that the trans movement is "coercing children to transition" & "forcing lesbians to have sex with penis". It's pure fear-mongering. Their views on trans men are also contradictory — there are times they claim that trans men are "straight girls who are trans just bc they read fanfiction & watch gay porn", & there are times they claim that trans men are "brainwashed butch lesbians" (Pick a side!).

I live in a very religious Latin American country. The majority of the population here is not educated on gender/sexuality issues. I got the chance of educating myself better only after I've learned English. And then some terfs had the gall to say "academic fields such as Gender & LGBT Studies & philosophy are oppressive & pretentious". In a country like mine with a dark history of military dictatorships, censorship & anti-intellectualism, being leftist means protecting the social sciences in education & freedom of the press.

So yes, I left the terf community bc unlike them, I think for myself & I hate bullying (i was in fact heavily bullied for years in school, & only bullying victims know how it truly feels like). My terf blog is now inactive; I had 1000+ followers. I'm a very quiet person irl & online; I was never vocal about my real opinions bc I don't like getting into heated discussions & I didn't want to be featured on that gross radfem-gossip blog.I was very transphobic back then. & now it's quite possible terfs will say to me "You were never one of us". I followed & liked their blogs, just like they followed mine. I was loyal & obedient. Now not anymore.

[dolly-decadatia]

Intention of the day-

This is so hard to pick out on days without a pressing need. Also, let’s take a minute to focus on the fact that I don’t have a pressing need. I’ve been in constant crisis mode for 3 decades. I was starting to calm down at the end of 2020 and then my health tanked and I went back into crisis mode. I had 1 single therapy appt recently. It was mostly a waste of time but the one relevant theory she had was that because I’d been in such unsafe situations my whole life, the possible reason I got sick recently was because my body finally “felt safe” to do so. Who knows? But yeah, being in crisis mode I always needed something so it would have been easier to set intentions then. I’m sitting here drawing a blank.

Fuck it. I’m going to set an intention based on my reading yesterday. I’m going to be kind to myself.

Incense: cedar (for confidence) however, I only have one brazier. I’ve got mandarin currant wax melting in the living room and I’m about to light frankincense on the actual order in a little while before I do my daily divination. Les Vampires like frankincense.

Candle: pink would be best, especially with sigil carved into the side and anointed with rose oil. (I don’t have any of that.)

Crystals: I have rhodochrosite and rose quartz (nurturing) and tigers eye (self esteem)

Perfume: rose oil

Flowers: roses and lavender

Color: pink

Food: almonds and chocolate are both good for self esteem and by coincidence they were both in my breakfast.

Affirmations: I love the person I becoming

Daily Divination :

Will I ever be beautiful

Underneath: transgression

Flaws, contradictions, mistakes

It’s all about self forgiveness. “Live better, do better, but let the self punishment go. ... Go now and make amends, then give thanks for self forgiveness.”

“Make amends. Take stock, asses, and redirect, and come back into harmony with the voice of your soul.”

This doesn’t appear to answer my question. Maybe all 3 will make sense together, or Les Vampires think this is what I should be worried about instead of my looks.

Heart: creator (inverted)

“...now you call them scientists and they merge cells, transform bodies, change peoples shapes, repair great injury, change destiny. sometimes, it is wonderful, and sometimes, it is most destructive.”

Is this about my weigh loss and plastic surgery obsession?

“Each day with your thoughts, actions, and decisions you create anew the form your natural energies and soul will take... you can recreate yourself”

This part seems like an answer. I’m recreating myself and I need to make sure I nurture this new being with nutritious thoughts and tend it with actions that will help them grow beautiful.

“You are the vessel through which new life and ideas are born... When we create a new one, they struggle and are often confused and in pain.”

Cursed: (because it was inverted) terrifying paragraph that kicked me straight in the tokophobia. May I learn today’s lesson quickly so I never have to read this terrifying bit again. I believe they’re saying raising this new version of me will require sacrifice and inconvenience and be frustrating and joyless at times but they used a triggering cis breeder metaphor to convey their point that I really could have lived without. Point taken. I will undertake this labor. I had already often thought that my transition was very much me suffering through an unknown amount of years and then “delivering” this beautiful peaceful man and happily dying. That man I was supposed to be was still born. Top surgery botched, looks decimated, sick from hrt which is massively unfair seeing as its safe for 99% of other trans people. He’s dead. I must stop mourning him and put all my loving attention on this next baby I’m nurturing. They are nonbinary and long for peace and beauty and community. How I nurture them now colors who they will be when they’re “born.”

Promise: primal

Connecting deep within, sacred dance, instinct

This is very gendered. Second very gendered card of the reading. I’m unsure if I want to continue to work with Les Vampires. We will see how tomorrow’s reading goes.

Anyway it talks about dancing. The thing that I love to do and am grieving not being able to do right now because of pain and illness. It calls dancing “feminine” which is absolutely ridiculous. This cis obsession with gendering inanimate objects and actions is juvenile and stupid. Makes it hard to suspend disbelief that I’m working with immortal wise vampires. Maybe the author put her own spin on what they told her. Still annoying to read.

My action to work with this card to to dance.

And that’s my future.

Dance.

On a question about “will I be beautiful.”

So how do these go together? I do carry a lot of guilt in my past that I beat myself up for. Is this why I’m not currently attractive? All the self abuse. It’s all taken a physical and mental toll? I don’t take care of myself so I’m physically ugly and I’m too busy ruminating on all my failings that my energy is also ugly? The card does make a bit more sense in context with the other 2.

So in the present, I need to let all that self loathing stay in the past and not feed that poison to my “baby”.

So what’s the future? I do what I need to do to be a responsible Sire and then fledgling me is healthy enough to dance and therefore the answer is “yes I will be beautiful”

Or

I leave the self hatred behind, nurture my fledgling and then fledgling me’s “beauty” is the beauty of dancing meaning “no, you won’t achieve physical beauty, but you will achieve a beautiful art form to offer the world.”

I feel uncomfortable. Today more than yesterday I feel the human author behind the guide deck. This is why I’m an atheist. Once holes appear I rip them bigger and look into them. This was why I couldn’t be Wiccan. I had the same problem pretending to talk to a Goddess as I did the Abrahamic God. I was much happier when I was a pop culture pagan because I could just do the LaVey school of “this is theatre because humans need ritual” with characters I was more attached to than deities. If they are all made up anyway, why do pick my faves? I may end up back in Pop Culture Paganism at the end of this journey. It’s too early to tell.

As an ex PCP I can say, ok maybe this is just a book but my belief makes Les Vampires real. Of course I’m spotting an undercurrent of bullshit. It runs through everything.

But still I’m shaken. I had found so much comfort in the concept of loving vampire guides yesterday and now doubt is setting in and my good mood is tanking. It’s going to take a lot of work to resuspend disbelief and try and feel that love again.

In the meantime I accept my task of forgiving myself and nurturing my fledgling .

Later on a thought occurred to me. Maybe all the gross prego talk was because Les Vampires are trying to dumb down the beautiful Sire/ fledgling relationship into terms a human would understand. The bulk of the target audience won’t understand them the way I do. Now I feel bad for having sulky, bratty energy in front of them. I’m going to make amends by forgiving myself like my Underneath card said and nurturing my fledgling like my Heart card said.

[werevulvi]

Not the anon you replied to but I think the nonbinary argument falls apart for me because no one can be truly sexless nor a hermaphrodite person so this idea that they "should" be is like someone feeling they should be a minotaur or a fairy. It's so disconnected and almost entitled to bend reality that it grates on me, especially when its combined with some flavor of "but it's not a mental illness!".Even from a health pov there is no viable HRT that makes u both. And no gonads+no HRT = bad

Well, that's alright. I might just not see it from the same perspective as you. I don't really view nonbinary as one specific thing, but rather as on a greyscale kinda between male and female. It is not saying that mixing male and female traits on the same body in various ways necessarily "makes" a new gender, or truly sexless. The "gender" is merely personal interpretation.

I still battle this with myself, so it's difficult to talk about, but since I'm the only nonbinary person who's brain I know well enough to speak of... I guess I'll try.

First off though, usually the point with nonbinary isn't to be a specific "third" sex, sexless or to be some mythological hermaphodite. Humans cannot become truly sexless or be both sexes for real, but at the same time females cannot become males or vice versa either. So is it pointless to transition (with hormones and surgery) at all then?

Because at the end of the day, we're all just bio males and bio females, regardless how we feel about it, and regardless if we transition or not. That's what the reality is. But wanting to look different and putting a gendered meaning into that difference, isn't necessarily wrong, bad or illogical to me.

Like I have a teddy tiger which I sometimes refer to as simply "my tiger" even though she's not a real tiger. Because the toy resembles a tiger, and was made to resemble a tiger, it's logical enough to call her a tiger, even though it might sometimes be important to specify that it's made of fabric. Likewise, a nonbinary person might just be a female who looks partially male and partially female, due to hormones and surgery, like myself. To then say that me looking both male and female and liking it "makes" me nonbinary is no more untrue than saying that the soft toy "is" a tiger.

Because I resemble a mix of both sexes, just like the soft toy resembles a tiger. I cannot produce both sperm and eggs so I am not of both sexes for real; and my tiger cannot roar nor scratch, and is not a living creature, thus it is not a real tiger. Often times we call things not only what they are, but also what they resemble. Especially when it comes to art and other creations, but really all sorts of things. Like comparing someone's red hair to fire, or calling my balcony during hot summer days a sauna, even though red hair is not actual flames and my balcony is not an actual sauna. Why? Because it help with communication. Parables are important to describe things or to make a point. I even made another parable to describe a parable, to prove a point with a parable, just now.

Granted that most nonbinary (and binary) trans people do not view themselves as a parable to the gender of the sex they consider themselves to be, but I do.

So, consider the fact that transition doesn't actually change the person's sex, only polishes the surface to either look like the opposite sex, and/or some ambiguous variant of both/neither sex, but it can still make that person feel better about themselves. Is it then pointless for them to do things that make them feel better and find ways to lead a more functional life, regardless of how redundant it might seem to you? Because to me, the point of transitioning is not to become something else (whether that be male, female, sexless or a hermaphrodite), but to reduce dysphoria to improve over all life quality for the dysphoric person. And yes, dysphoria is a mental illness. I wouldn't wanna argue against that. I view my dysphoria as the defect, not my sex. And no, transitioning doesn't help every dysphoric person, but I think it's pretty clear that it helps for some. So then there's just not that much of a difference between... say, transitioning with T and top surgery to live as a self-perceived man - and transitioning with only T to live as a self-perceived half man-half woman. Because neither of those two examples can truly become anything other than a female anyway, so why does it matter? It might not matter to you, but it probably matters to them.

Also, I don't think anyone "should" be of the other sex or some other variant either. I just think people can do whatever they want with their own bodies if it makes them happy, and call themselves whatever they want if they feel that's useful for them somehow.

Both males and females, as well as intersex conditions that look ambiguous exist. Fairies and minotaurs do not. Even if they might be loosely based on bulls and fireflies. I could literally fool people to believe that I'm both male and female by simply saying some stupid shit like "I was born with both a dick and a pussy" because a lot of people have heard that can be a thing, even though they would know it's rare, they likely know it's humanly possible in some way. Getting people to believe I'm a fairy or minotaur would probably be a lot harder, unless they’re 5 years old.

How much or what kind of dysphoria somehow has doesn't really matter, I think. Dysphoria is dysphoria. And yeah, I would at least be willing to possibly extend that non-dysphoric people who seem genuinely more satisfied with themselves post-transition. Because then so what, good for them.

But yeah, I know even I have an easier time accepting certain types of nonbinary more than other types. Someone wanting no genitals, I would personally find very concerning, but someone wanting both a dick and pussy, I wouldn't be nearly as worried about. Someone wanting physical changes that can realistically be acquired through hormones, surgery, etc, would not be as concerning for me as someone wanting... say for example a big beard but not a deeper voice, and start dabbling with testosterone anyway.

You're right that there is no hormone that makes you "both" but it's possible to look androgynous in various ways with the hormones available. Sure, I may pass as male, have a beard and flat chest, but I also have a curvy figure and a pussy. To me, that's kind of a way to look like "both" sexes at once. Not evenly, and not like a hermaphrodite stereotype, but it is a combination of male and female sex characteristics that together makes me look kinda half and half. How I "achieved" that was simply by first going through female puberty (naturally) and then taking testosterone (on standard, "full" dose) for a significant amount of time, and get a mastectomy. Totally doable. Although my personal results depend highly on my genetic as well, of course. For other variants of androgyny, some manage to achieve that with low dose hormones, or going off the hormones after a shorter time on them. Some also go on and off hormones (not sure how healthy that is though.) Not everyone gets their intended results, but I have seen many variants that have looked good to me. I’m not advocating for getting one’s gonads removed and then not take any sort of hrt, or doing hrt without a knowledgable doctor’s supervision.

So really all I can say is I'm generally okay-ish with the concept of nonbinary, but some aspects/variants of it does concern me, make me uncomfortable, make me roll my eyes, or even viscerally upset me. I'm still quicker to critisise nb than I am to defend it, however... I do both critisise and defend it.

Whether I want to admit it or not, I'm practically nonbinary myself, even though I scoff at the concept and can name a hundred things wrong with it. I don't wanna label myself that, though. I hate it.

Let me put it this way: In an ideal world I'd just exist as myself like this, take my testosterone just because I like it (and not because I'm x, y or z gender), dress however I want (without it being questioned to mean I wanna be x, y or z gender), and be openly proud about my bio sex being female (without people telling me they don't believe it), without having to label myself anything at all. Alternatively, I'd also be fine with carrying a label which doesn't exclude ANY of those things I like being/doing with my body, style, name, etc.

But thing is I don't live in an ideal world. I live in Sweden. And in Sweden, we call freaks like me nonbinary. Because women don't wanna take testosterone to look like bearded men in dresses, and (trans) men don't love being female. Only nonbinary people do. So I’m only really nonbinary because I don’t fit any other label, and well, most people I know/come across dislike it too.

At the end of the day my body is just me and I just am like this. It doesn't actually "mean" anything, other than that I had dysphoria and acted on it. I love being female and I love being transitioned. Thus, I feel like I am in some highly abstract and vague sense "a little bit of both" sexes, and I don't think that's a particularly strange conclusion to come to, given my situation. I don't mean it literally. It's just how I relate to my body, and it's how the world relates to me. Sure, far from everyone “reads” me as nonbinary, but the sheer number of people who have told me I should identify that way... is flabbergasting, seriously. It’s like 20+ people who told me that, unprompted. Both people I’ve known, and strangers.

So, as I'm reluctantly trying to slap the uncomfortable nonbinary label on my own ass... perhaps I "shouldn't" invalidate my own kind, while I'm at it. However, the only thing I'd kindly ask of others to "validate" about me is my humanity, and to respect my bodily autonomy. If others think of me as a man or woman, both or neither, I truly do not care. But would I ever truly advocate for the nonbinary community? No, I don't think so. For the most part it’s regressive and goes against my values. I'd rather have gender be done away with, because ultimately I think that's a much better goal... even though it’s a pipedream. We can all dream, right?

So I mean... I'm probably not the best person to come to for some solid argument in support of nonbinary.

[ted-like-the-talk]

Discourse time (my opinions n stuff that I will fight to defend)

Heccin long text post, sorry...

Gender is innate, it has nothing to do with society, it has nothing to do with gender roles, it is not a choice.

Nobody should medically transition if they do not experience dysphoria. If you want to transition solely because you dislike sexual attention from people, want to go against gender roles, or feel uncomfortable with your physical body because of sexual harassment or assault just don't.

More people should be more critical of the possibility that they may have dysphoria because it could be body dismorphic disorder or another disorder that makes you feel uncomfortable with your body, a disorder that causes you to dissociate, or you could just be gender non conforming.

Don't say you're trans if you don't want to put effort in to pass. I'm not saying that if you look so much like your assigned gender at birth that you cannot pass, don't want to medically transition because of health risks, cannot bind, take hormones, or have surgery because of issues that could put you in danger you should not call yourself trans. If you have a desire to put in effort to pass to make yourself feel comfortable you are trans.

Non-binary people are completely valid as long as they have dysphoria, I personally have dysphoria about not having both sets of genitalia so I know that at least that form of non-binary dysphoria exists. I also believe that non-binary people can have only social dysphoria about being seen as either binary gender.

Otherkinity and therianthropy are valid as heck! The part of your brain that controls your sense of self can get messed up or whatever (there aren't really any studies on it but I do believe that otherkinity can be associated with mental illness that affects your sense of self), you can believe your soul in connected to another entity for spiritual reasons, or you could just use the alternative identity as a form of escapism much like age regression.

Age regression is also incredibly valid :)

Kinks are fine as long as you act upon your urges safely between consenting adults and don't impose them on unwilling people.

Asexuality should be allowed into the LGBT community because they can't control having no sexual attraction and it relates to sexuality.

I don't think demisexuality should be allowed in the LGBT community though because like, a huge amount of people are like that and I'm pretty sure that it is at least somewhat a choice and you don't choose to be in the LGBT community.

Making your disabilities, mental or physical, part of your identity is valid, you don't have to pretend to be like the majority of the population and suppress your disabilities or disorders, you have every right to feel proud of and/or educate others on your disabilities!!

Also, trying to be 'normal' is very valid, I personally don't talk much about my chronic pain, poor hearing, the fact that I'm trans, or my mental disorders with people I'm not very close with because I don't want to feel pitied or different and if others do that as well they're very valid!

Self diagnosis isn't a good thing. If you're too poor to afford insurance or otherwise cannot get diagnosed I believe that you shouldn't claim that you have a disorder that you may not have and should instead talk about the symptoms on their own or specifically state, when talking about your mental illness, that is self diagnosed and you do not for sure have that disorder.

Asking people's pronouns can cause dysphoria for some people and I believe you should call them by the pronouns associated with the gender they look most like and let them correct you. I know some people may be too shy or anxious to correct you but if they look uncomfortable with the pronouns you call them you can ask "Do you not go by those pronouns?"

Being gnc or occasionally cross-dressing as a hobby is super valid whether you're trans or not, you don't have to conform completely to the gender you are in your head.

Conforming to your gender is also valid as long as you are being civil and not prejudiced or bigoted towards others for not conforming to gender roles.

I believe that being overweight is not necessarily a choice, many people have slower metabolisms, higher appetites, or thyroid conditions where they need to put a lot of extra effort into staying thin than other people and body positivity is very important but I believe that being within an average weight is healthiest and if you are unhealthily overweight you should put more effort into staying thin even though it is very hard.

There is nothing wrong with having preferences for gender, sex, or appearance as long as you're not a dick about it. People are allowed to be attracted to only be attracted to one type of genitalia, the pheromones produced by the sex they are attracted to, the way the gender they are attracted to behaves, the secondary sex characteristics of the gender they prefer, or only be attracted to the looks they find attractive.

Being in the LGBT community should be normalized but not glorified. Being bi or homosexual is not better than being heterosexual; being trans is not better than being cis. I don't think cishets should have as much of a say as members of the LGBT community on the rights of those is the LGBT community but being a majority should not be demonized. It is absolutely fine to be born with the gender or sexuality that is most common. Nobody should be considered less of a human being for something they can't control.

Cis people should also be able to be proud of being the gender they are. I think it's totally fair to take pride in being a man just for being a man, or think that girls are awesome and powerful and you're glad to be one. Pride shouldn't be exclusive to the LGBT community.

Straight pride is also valid as long as you don't think bi and homosexuals are less than you. Yes, you didn't face oppression but anyone should be allowed to be proud of what they were born with as long as they don't think other people are worth less. It's like taking pride in your physical strength yet also acknowledging that your friend who is not athletic but is smart should be proud of who they are as well and is just as good as you. Maybe that was a bad analogy but you get what I'm saying, right?

I also think that having popular interests or hobbies isn't a bad thing, it's completely fine to conform to what everyone else is doing, things are popular because they are generally appealing and it's fine to be 'basic.'

Having weird or niche interests or hobbies is just as valid as having popular ones, as long as you enjoy something that doesn't harm others and is not done in an explicit attempt to harm yourself. (Doing dangerous activities like skydiving, surfing, or rock climbing without the explicit intention of harming yourself is fine.)

Ehhhh.... Another long text post cause my mind races like a hundred miles a minute and I need to put my thoughts out of my head and share them with people.

Also if you agree or disagree with any of these statements just refer to the paragraph number to make things easy; like "I disagree with 5 because..."

[treehugginglibrarian]

Social Justice Bedroom Warriors

Social Justice Warriors need to stay out of people’s intimate lives, unless they’re personally invited in, because they’re starting to sound a bit like incels.  

Recently, a member of one of my childfree on-line forums posed a question regarding dating and mental health, being unsure whether it was acceptable for her to bow out of a potential relationship because the gentleman in question suffered from depression and anxiety. While most people, including those with one or both of those health issues, were quick to reassure her that she never has to date anyone she doesn’t want to, and she owes no one an explanation, others were less supportive. One entire sub-thread of this mess ended up dedicated to the notion that, if she did not date this man, she was an “ableist cunt.” That’s not how this works. THAT’S NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS. This also isn’t the first time I’ve seen this argument made.

As a population, we’ve gotten pretty good at reminding straight, white, men (and black men, on occasion) that women do not owe them anything. We don’t owe them our time, our phone number, a date, or sex. We do not owe them anything simply because they were born with a dick and took a fancy to us. It’s becoming increasingly clear, however, that the only people who don’t appear to be owed sex or relationships are straight, white, men. 

On multiple occasions during the course of my adult life, I have been called a “racist” by a black man who wanted my phone number and to whom I did not want to give it. Sometimes I didn’t want to give it to him because it was obvious he wasn’t my type. Sometimes I was just disinterested. Sometimes I was taken. In all instances, my rejection was not met merely with annoyance, but with a charge of “racism.” As though their blackness entitled them to my time, even if their maleness left me disinterested. As though a failure to be interested on my part could only be attributed to an aversion to brown skin, rather than an aversion to them, as an individual. I never thought much of these instances because I have, in fact, dated men of color before. As a child, my first Hollywood crush was on a black man. As an adult, about the only human I would consider leaving my wife for is a black woman (I jest. I would never leave my wife. But if I did it would be for Jessica Williams). My disinterest in these men was not because I am incapable of attraction to black bodies. I just wasn’t interested in those men; a fact they were quite offended by and quite willing to project over.  

Shortly after coming off of active duty, I got called “fat phobic” for the first time. It wouldn’t be the last time and, despite the general definition of oppressive hatred, at no time has this name been lobbed at me because I’ve been treating those who are overweight as though they are “less than.” I’m not scared of fat people. I don’t hate fat people. In fact, unless you are an overweight person with whom I am personally acquainted, I probably have effectively zero feeling about you or your excess weight. If you’re a fat person with whom I’m personally acquainted, my feelings towards you will have little to do with your weight and significantly more to do with your personality and your work ethic. You do you, boo, just don’t be a mean person or a shitty coworker along the way. That said, I acknowledge a lack of physical attraction on my part when it comes to overweight people. Part of it is that I’m just not attracted to the body type. Part of it is that I am an insanely active person, and I do make certain assumptions about other people’s lives and activity levels based upon their body types. I am going to assume that someone who is 150 pounds overweight is not going to be compatible with who I am as a person. My unwillingness to date people who fit this criteria, my disinterest in having sex with a body type that does not appeal to me, is apparently rooted in a deep and unacknowledged phobia of fat people. I got told by multiple women that unless I’m willing to force an attraction to fat people, I am fat phobic. How I treat these people out of the sheets is completely irrelevant. 

A little research showed that fatphobia was hardly the only politically correct pile of shite making its way into bedrooms. White people who won’t date outside their race are, with some level of regularity, told they’re racist. Refusing to date someone from another country, culture, or religious sect is now deemed xenophobic. Even refusing to date someone who had children or wildly different political views than your own was, somehow, deemed inappropriate. Even as society has been trying to drill into people’s heads that no one, NO ONE, is owed a relationship, that same society is doing an excellent job of telling us that we’re not allowed to say “no” to certain people. Saying “no” to marginalized or “othered” individuals is no longer a simple declination of sex, and is now an act of discrimination. Their marginalization, apparently, entitles them to both my time and my body. 

Through it all, sexism is a charge that has largely gone underutilized amongst most groups. Gay men are never called sexist for refusing to fuck women, and straight people are never called sexist or homophobic for not being queer. Lesbians, however, haven’t been granted this same dignity. (As usual, bisexuality is ignored. For once, the bi’s of the world are pleased about this). Probably because the idea that sexual pleasure can exist outside the scope of a penis is, for many, wildly inconceivable.     

For as long as lesbianism has been a thing, people with penises attempting to convince lesbians that said lesbians do, in fact, enjoy dicks have been a thing. For most of history, those people have been humans presenting as straight men, who apparently can’t conceive of a woman not wanting any dick at all, let alone their dick. In more recent years however, a vocal cohort of trans women, many pre-operative and still possessing intact penises, have taken to outing lesbians who refuse to date them as “transphobic.” As though one’s bedroom is an arena in which our efforts at establishing equality for all can be adequately assessed. 

Here’s the thing, a lack of attraction to a particular characteristic or a disinterest in having a particular characteristic in your bed or yourself, is not a form of discrimination. Why? Because absolutely no one, no matter how disenfranchised they may be by the rest of society, is ever owed personal time, relationships, or sexual intimacy from or by anyone else. They’re just not. Lesbians don’t owe transwomen sex or relationships, and they don’t owe them an explanation for why they’re not interested in these things. They are not suffering from a case of discriminatory genital preferences, because sexual proclivities are not preferences- they are ingrained parts of our beings. 

Do you really think straight women wouldn’t make the transition to vaginas if it was as simple as changing their genital preferences? The existence of straight women is proof positive that basically everything about our sexual attractions are beyond the scope of our control. 

While we can control whether or not we act on these attractions, control over what we are attracted to is pretty fucking limited. Do you really think pedophiles enjoy being pedophiles? If you do, I’d recommend reading an interview with one. It’s pretty eye-opening, if you can get past the part where you’re reading an interview with a pedophile. And all of them make quite clear that acting on their attraction to children is within their control, but the attraction itself is not. A fact that tends to leave them shunned by society whether they act on them or not, and pretty fucking miserable for obvious reasons. The list of things I’m not attracted to is relatively long and, while the list itself is mutable because additions have been made over the years, I have never found myself attracted to something that had once previously repulsed me. 

You will not change someone’s attractions simply by couching their sexual disinterest in social justice warrior language and attempting to shame them into being attracted to you. 

All you’ll do is piss them off and lose an ally. If you don’t want to date someone who is black, white, or purple, you don’t have to. If you don’t want to date someone with a particular set of genitalia, you don’t have, no matter what their external presentation is. If you don’t want to date a particular gender, you don’t have to. You don’t have to date people with mental illness, with food restrictions, with terminal cancer, or with webbed feet. You don’t have to date fat people, skinny people, or exercise obsessed people. You don’t have to date rich people or poor people, the fashion forward or the fashion oblivious. You don’t have to let anything other than your attraction to that particular person, or lack thereof, determine whether you date another person. And if you don’t want to date anybody, at all, you don’t have to. And you never, ever, ever owe them any explanation for why you are not interested. In fact, an argument could be made that you’re better off not giving them a reason.  

Get your shamey social justice warrior bullshit out of our bedrooms. NOW. 

No one owes you anything. 

[transmedicalism-for-beginne-blog]

Transmedicism Rant:

Diagnostic & Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders- Fifth Addition, or the DSM-5 States that "GENDER is used to denote the public (and usually legally recognized) lived role as a boy or girl, man or woman, but, in contrast to certain social contructionist theories biological factors are seen as contributing, in interaction with social & psychological factors, to gender development."

--

Couple things to note here.

1) Biology influences Gender.

2) Look at that nice little fuck you to the social sciences in their sentence.

3) "boy or girl" "man or woman" There's only two genders, who would have guessed.

"But wait, what about "Gender Identity" ?"

Well the DSM-5 states; "GENDER IDENTITY is a category of social identity & refers to an individual's identification as male, female, or some other category other than male or female."

There you go Tucutes a nice label for y'all to use. "Gender Identity is a Social construct while Gender is a mix." (Sarcasm)

So, why the fuck is this important?

This distinction is a real issue Now because, Tucutes & MOGAI are trying to pressure the American Psychiatric Association, or the APA to remove the Mental Illness label from Gender Dysphoria, and this isn't because the condition doesn't fit the definition of mental illness it's because, of Tucutes/MOGAI putting their feelings before facts. Just in case anyone is confused. Mental Illness =/= (Doesn't mean/equal) it's made up, or pyschological. People suffer from cronic depression because, of a chemical imbalance in their brain, So despite the counter intuitive name, it doesn't mean it’s made up.

So, the problem is by attempting to cement this idea that Gender is entirely social into the minds of the masses, they're implying that anything under the label Transgender, Is Social. Except it's NOT.

Gender Dysphoria is Biological.

Transgender doesn't only mean "people that want to transition" i.e. ftm men & mtf women. Transgender is an incredibly broad label, that everyone has a somewhat different definition for.

The APA, the people who write the DSM & all of its additions, State;

"TRANSGENDER - the broad spectrum of individuals who transiently or permanetly identify with a gender different from their natal gender."

So that includes people:

- With Gender Dysphoria

- Who are Gender Non-Conforming

- Who are "Genderq^eer"

- and all that other bs ( the MOGAI "genders")

AND THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

We have evidence that Gender Dysphoria is a biological & neurological condition, but

we don't yet have evidence that any of the MOGAI "genders" has any sort of biological basis.

In fact the Tucute/MOGAI community completely miss that point completely by CREATING their own distinction between Sex & Gender. So, that they don't n e e d a biological basis.

My purpose in saying all this is that Gender Dysphoria should NOT be in the same category as MOGAI “genders” Gender Dysphoria has biological evidence. MOGAI “genders” do not. Gender Dysphoria is a mental disorder. MOGAI "genders" are not. Not a medical mental disorder at least. (lol.)

Having a biological & medical disorder lumped in with all that other stuff is creating too much fucking confusion.

And, Yes I said disorder. Because, if you were born with a condition, that you have no control over, that makes you 'feel like you were born in the wrong body, or the wrong sex/gender' & this feeling is so debilitating it causes you untold ammounts of stress, discomfort, and most the time depression, that's a disorder. Mechanically that's obviously not supposed to be the way the brain works, because if it was, humans would've never made it past prehistoric times.

"But, Alec, why is it so important that it retains the Mental Illness label? That just makes people feel bad?!?"

It's important because it changes how the Medical Community treats the issue. As Blarie White once said, " Why can't we do both, though. That's like saying, that um, you can simultaneously fight for people to be kind to Autistic people and also look for a cure. How about we do both. That'd be great. Because, actually insisting on this accepting people, and to just don't worry about it because, “everything's normal, everything's fine”; It actually leads to political correctness, which leads to no research being put into a cure. Which exacerbates all the suffering." (Her response to, "We can't support trans people and a cure at the same time.)

I don't agree that just because we don't currently have such a miracle pill, or maybe even something close to that, that doesn't mean we as a society should deny the Medical Reality and not continue research in that area. You're arguing Secondary reasons when agreeing with this, Not Primary reasons. You're arguing against the Medical illness label not necessarily because, on its face it shouldn't be labled as such but, because of a precieved secondary effect of; Some people can justify being biggoted or can make individuals feel real bad. Which I understand, I get the dog whistle concern here. However, that's not going to help medical treatment in the long run.

"But, Alec. There's people who want to transition but, don't have dysphoria!@?!!"

AND THAT IS WHY IT'S SO IMPORTANT TO SEPARATE GENDER DYSPHORIA FROM MOGAI "GENDERS"

Because, all the research on Transsexuals, (and for the record I'm going to start using the term Transsexual to refer to individuals who were born with Gender Dysphoria (a biolgical condition.) to distant it from the MOGAI "genders". ) All the research we have are of people with Gender Dysphoria, Because the idea that there are even people who believe they were born the wrong sex/gender BUT, don't have dysphoria is relatively NEW.

So, it hasn't been studied. We don't even know if it's a biological condition or a pyschological one.

Unfortunately, We don't yet have a biolgical/medical test to determine whether someone has gender dysphoria. We don't yet have a biological way of measuring what someones innate Gender or “Gender Identity” is, or what ever the fuck MOGAI & Tucutes are calling it.

We do have evidence that it is indeed innate BUT, not a clear "let's scan your Brain to see if you have Gender Dysphoria. That is, Biological Gender Dysphoria. NOT a pyschological issue that makes you think you're transgender.

Another reason why the distiction needs to be made so clear.

People who have purely pyschological reasons for wanting to be the opposite gender ( or MOGAI "genders") should NOT being using biological hormones & physical surgery. Those options should only be for people that have a biological & neurological condition. People who use feelings towards their gender do not have the ability to be transient ( to change )

"But, Alec. It sounds like you're talking about Trans-Regret. That's a tiny number of cases and a dog whistle for Transphobia!!?"

SHUT YOUR FUC--

Supposedly Trans-Regret is not common. I say supposedly because, I haven't done research into that yet. Cause' it's not a direct correlation to what I am talking about now. Regret could be very low now but, as Blaire White once said, " This is a very new phenomenon. There are no long term studies that show a person 30/40 years old, that had transitioned at 12/13 & how their life ended up. It's just never happened, it's all still very new."

Because, until recently the stigma against transsexual people was so high that it would be very uncommon for someone who only has a pyschological complex to go through the transitioning process.

However, Because we are living in F U T U R E W O R L D O F 2019 society has become far more accepting of Transsexual people. Which is good and the way it should be, BUT it does also mean that it would be more likely for people who are only psychologically "trans" or Gender Non-Conforming, to be confused with people who have a biological & neurological condition.

The DSM and all it's addtions are supposed to be a guide book to help doctors make a distinction between someone who actually has gender dysphoria someone who does not. Biological VS Physiological.

" But, Alec. I just read the DSM's criteria of Gender Dysphoria, and there is nothing specifically in it about making this distinction between biological VS pyschological???"

Yes, and that's because psychiatry (APA) looks at stuff through primarily a biological lens. So, they are operating under assumption of if you don't have a biological reason for something, then you don't have it. Combine that with the fact that this current societal focus on understanding Transgender issues, is NEW, and the DSM-5 was written before that & this creates a problem. Since we don't yet know how to create a definitive biological test, We can only rely on Self-Reporting & Observable behaviors. Which is why it is so problematic. Doctors have to somehow navigate this complicated maze to figure out whether someone actually has gender dysphoria or is just Gender Non-Conforming, or going through a phase/MOGAI "genders". This is why Transsexual people feel like they have to go through so many hoops, and all this MOGAI stuff is only making the issue more confusing for everyone. Which means, you're making it harder for doctors to figure this shit out. Which means, more hoops.

Now let me make myself clear I'm not blaming the Trans movement or even suggesting that it must go away because "tHeY're cOnfUsIng tHe cHilDRen!1!!"

There's no hidden dog whilstle in what I am saying, I am only stating what is the reality of the situation and Unfortunately because our society, until recently, has been very biggoted for years aginast certain individuals that don't fit into specific gender roles, the Tucute Trans community is incredibly sensitive to anything that can even remotely be perceived as an attack. Which I understand. However, the problem is when ever people go under intensive physical treatment for a condition, it’s the Medical community and even society's duty to make sure that an individual really requires that treatment because, having medical treatments that are either 'over prescribed', or turned out horrible have littered our history from blood letting, to shock treatment, to even staring at the sun for health reasons, & we can't forget about lobotomy. Even now, there are concerns of kids being over prescribed Adderall & Riddilen*, Which is basically speed. Not to mention all the people with pain killer addictions. Being prescribed things you don't need can lead to messing with how your body and brain functions. That's why its important, although difficult, to put our emotions aside when dealing with these medical issues to avoid the Medical pitfalls that we humans have fallen into time, & time again.

Or just take everything I just said as merely "a dog whilstle" for Transphobia because I'm actually "a hateful biggot."

"Even if you're not a Transphobe Alec, you keep making this distinction between biological and pyschological, Assuming doctors can even untangle these 'interlinked concepts'. Why should a person, who only has gender dysphoria psychologically not be allowed to Transition????"

Because, If your 'gender dysphoria' is purely pyschological, that means that “Gender Dysphoria” you’re experiencing is a SYMPTOM of another problem. It's not the problem itself. Allow me to give you a very over simplified example.

Lets look at Game of Thrones, Cersei Lannister, on several occasions has stated that she wishes she was born a male. Lets say there was some magic potion in G.O.T. that she could take to change her sex. You better believe she would drink it but, reason for this is not because, she has Gender Dysphoria. Its not because, she has some innate feeling of being born in the wrong body/gender/sex. The reason is because she exist in a world where her biological sex/gender limits her ability to get power. Which is her primary goal. So, her complex for not being a male is secondary, it's a means to an end. The doctors evaluating whether or not someone has gender dysphoria needs to concentrate on making sure the underlying problem is that the person feels that they are born the wrong gender because, they simply are. Something biologically innate. Not that they were born the wrong gender, because they develop a negative pyschological complex about what means to be their birth gender, or a negitive pyschological complex about a specific body part that just so happens to be a body part realted to biological sex because, an issue like that is transient and can be revolved through other means.

"Fuck you Alec, that Game of Thrones expamle was shit. It's far more complicated!!1!"

Yes, real life is more complicated.

So let me give you a more grounded example. While simultaneously criticizing the DSM & all of its additions. So far I have been seemingly deflating the DSM which maybe makes you believe that I think the DSM is some h o l y b o o k. The literal word from g o d. I don't and it's not. It has some very serious flaws in my opinion. One of those flaws is in the creitiera of gender dysphoria. Right now, and adolescent female could be going through puberty; the time her chest starts growing, & if you happen to be this female or simply talk to someone about their experience you will find that many of those individuals actually had a quite negative experience with it when they were adolescent.

One such story that has always stood out to me is when a friend told me about how she developed breasts when she was 13, and how incredibly disturbing and some times scary for her it was to see grown men lusting sexually after her even though she was only 13. At least to me, it doesn't seem that out of the ordinary that someone in that position could develop a pyschological complex about their breasts.

In today's confusing world they could incorrectly assume that complex is meaning you have some Gender related issue, possibly even gender dysphoria, & under the current DSM-5 criteria, someone in that position could be incorrectly diagnosed as someone having gender dysphoria.

In fact, I once read an article titled, "My daughter isn't Transgender, She's a TomBoy."

The article describes how because, of all this confusion, This young 7 year old girl who is Gender Non-Conforming keeps being asked by teachers, her pediatrician, and even random adults who have known her for years, if she's sure she's not a boy. Now, this girl has a strong sense of self so she's able to say, " No, I not a boy. I'm just a girl who likes things that are typically male." This is a happening because, of this confusion of Gender Dysphoria being compared to Gender Non-Conforming people &/or MOGAI "genders" and that’s because, we don't have this clear distinction between Transsexual and Gender Non-Conforming people &/or MOGAI "genders". My fear is that not only are we confusing the fuck out of adults with the incorrect conflation of these terms but also, confusing kids who may be simply gender non-conforming making them think they are Transsexual.

And as a last note; Perhaps it's unfair for me to point this out but, I do find it somewhat ironic that the Tucute Trans community is fighting against the idea that the strict binary view of male and female gender by advocating a strict binary view of Sex & Gender.

End Rant.

Problems with the DSM-V:

1) The DSM-V is heavily criticized by the medical community for not using any scientific evidence to back up many of the things it says. It’s also just heavily criticized in general. This alone makes it an unreliable source as there isn’t any scientific evidence suggesting you don’t need gender dysphoria to be trans ergo the statement “ you don’t need Dysphoria” means nothing.

2) Psychology uses “transgender” as an umbrella term and has for a very, very long time. It includes trans people, transvestites, crossdressers, and other GNC people. Just because usage outside of the psychology field has shifted “transgender” to more mean “trans people” doesn’t mean that the psychology field has. This means that they’re likely speaking about their own term for what transgender is and seeing as how there’s no differentiation clarifying this, it’s ignorant to assume they’ve suddenly changed the meaning of one of their terms without stating as such.

3) Potentially most importantly, transgender/trans falls under the field of neurology/biology, not psychology. This means that while mental health professionals can certainly help us, it doesn’t mean they have all the answers and it doesn’t mean that their word is more important than that of the harder sciences involved.

Please share to spread awareness. I hope this helps someone.

[nacsygen]

i mean, if there's anywhere to suffer about gender, why not tumblr, amirite?

i've known for like at least five years now i'm...not cis.  i've never been able to properly explain it, to myself or to others, but the fact that it sticks around so long tells me that, like and as unlike as my brain has tried to tell me many times before about being bi ("not gay enough") and mentally ill ("not mentally ill enough") like yeah, this is clearly a part of my identity, not just a phase or me, idk, trying to be cool or fit in among all the cool non-cis people i know, i guess???

i think what confuses me is that i don't really have much dysphoria about my physical form, really.  not in my own sense of it.  not without the input of other people.  i'm a very small person and this has informed a lot of my life, yes.  i am well below average height and have never been possessed of strength or grip to speak of (i'm the sheepish one who has to ask the girl working at the pizza place, after five minutes of trying at a booth, to open my bottle of water because my hands are just too small to have a proper adult grip).  but my body is my own, and i've long since learned to live with it, and be comfortable in it.  i got no complaints.

but then, people comment without any sort of prompting on aspects of my physicality, strangers, in public, all the time - whether it's the older lady at the bus stop asking how old i am and what i do to diet because i'm Just So Small! (ma'am, this is just how i am - no, i don't diet - if i stood up you could see my gut - being southern and polite is alas also a large part of my identity -), or the threateningly verbally abusive loud misogynist at the bus stop yelling at my turned back about my "skinny ass white girl legs! get some sun, bitch!", or just today, an older cracker (here in florida that is a descriptor of a culture, not a "slur") who i've ridden the same bus with many times with he and his lady friend, coming up to me while i'm standing waiting (again) for the bus and said "hello ma'am, i was just wondering, are you from The North? where are you from?" and i looked up from my book, bc again southern politeness, and said "nah, i'm from here" and pointed at the ground.  "you're really not From The North?  i'm sorry, i don't mean to be impolite, it's just because of your legs.  they're so skinny and pale, we thought you was From The North." "No sir, I'm from right here in Florida. I just don't tan easy." "well, that was a bet I had going with that girl over there that I just lost." "yeah, sorry, sir, I'm southern born and raised." we ended up on the same bus when it got there, and as i was getting ready to disembark he said "you have a good night there, sweetie! enjoy your book!" "oh, i will." realizing the awkwardness as the bus slowly got to a stop, "sorry, i'm nice, it's all i know how to be." "alright, well, you have a good one!" (i'm pretty sure that last that i didn't even think about said more about how Southern i am than anything else i could have said.)

i know that last was a tangent, but that's the thing - i don't even think about my body as Representing Femininity until other people treat me in a different way because of it.  it happens over and over, all the time, and it's the primary cause of what i've come to recognize as dysphoria.  if i was a boy, if my hair was tucked up in my hat and my chest flattened, would these and many others over the years feel free to comment so freely about my body to me?  i really don't think so.  and that shit sucks.

to me, my body is not a Female Body, despite its resemblance to the Traditional Female Body in its curves and shapes - it is not a Female Body, it is My Body.  my breasts are not female breasts, they are my thiddies and i'm really fond of how they look and like to show them off. like, artistically, they are a gift to the world. my long wavy curls are not Female Hair, they're Rockstar Hair, Fuck You, like i grew up with the old-school and grunge male rockstars i always saw as style icons (and the female rock stars too - huge long hair is a great look for everyone!).  idk if it's because i'm really Just That Pansexual that i can look at my societally-hyper-feminized form - extremely petit,  pale, significant boobs but no ass, skinny arms and legs - and say, you know, that could be a cute guy, right there.  

i've more recently in the past few years experimented now and then more towards as gender-neutral a presentation as i can, even though that just means people see me at a distance and think i'm a pre-teen boy. and yet, people treat pre-teen boys much better than they do almost-30 petit women, is the depressing lesson i've learned from that.  

I hate how much of my questioning of my gender identity is tied into negative experiences with other people and their relationships as strangers to my perceived femaleness.  like, i live in a pretty nice neighborhood now, but i hate going to the local gas station bc the block around it is just...holla bingo time.  last time i walked there by myself i wore knee-length loose shorts and an oversized men's plain t-shirt to go with my walking nikes and baseball cap, and i STILL got hollered at.  "hey, sweetheart! you need help carrying that? hey! hey, young lady!" i did not turn - i hate acknowledging men who holler.  "hey, baby, let me give you a ride to wherever you're goin! no one's gonna bother you!" i wanted to yell back "YOU. YOU'RE BOTHERING ME." but then, he was being significantly more polite than many of the people who've hollered at me over the years, so no point in engaging and hurting anybody's feelings or enduring the "i was just trying to be nice" conversation.

and that's the thing, like. i never feel bad about being percieved as female unless people are doing it in a hurtful way. matter of fact, i have no particular relationship to being female except in hurtful ways from other peoples' perceptions.  my body is genderless, as i am genderless, and it is my body. it does what it's supposed to do and has treated me well for how i've treated it over the years. i'm not mad at my body about it. i'm mad at the people who think my form gives them a right to treat me in unacceptable ways for what should be a polite society.  i get dysphoria from the man yelling from a work truck passing by when i'm just trying to get home from my work, "HEEEEY, LIL MAMA~!" I get dysphoria from being wished "happy mother's day!", or did back in 2014, when on break at work, and a significantly older lesbian gestured at me and said to the man in question, " does she LOOK like a mother to you??"

like listen, i like wearing cute little sundresses, or skin-tight tank tops and short-shorts.  you know why? because i live in florida and it's FUCKING HOT.  they are comfortable.  they are easy.  they are simple choices, that i am allowed to make because i am afab and present femme, and i like the way they look on me and like that i'm allowed this comfort in the heat.

i hate that wearing that for my own comfort gives people a seeming license to comment freely on my body.  i hate that presenting as a woman, a "woman", means people treat me this way.  i hate the bus driver that always says "hello there, little lady" when i board his bus, and i hate that he means well by it. i hate that even when i dress in my loose, masculine, don't-get-hollered-at clothes, i still get hollered at. and i find myself wondering, if i had short hair and no boobs, if i was just a 4'11" young teenage boy, would i get hollered at like this? and no. of course not.

but i don't want my gender identity to be the opposition of a negative in favor of a positive. this has gone into a series about street harrassment when in reality there are many reasons i identify more as male or non-female than because of this. i really don't feel much reason to identify as female other than solidarity with female victims of gendered and sexualized violence. which, alright, that's probably not the most positive way to feel. or reproductive health stuff.  alright, that's just the body i was born with, and i don't feel much connection to it otherwise.  i don't want to medically transition, i don't want to change my body, but like...

i don't really know what dysphoria actually is. is it the feeling of displacement in one's own home of self? is it feeling like everything about how everyone else views you is somehow shifted two wrong lenses over at the optometrist's office? is it just feeling like something...something's really wrong here? if so, i think i’m definitely experiencing dysphoria,.

hey, i'm maria/aril, and i'm trans.  i don't know how, exactly, but i am. and here we are.

[nightcoremoon]

Callout post: me

lying, manipulative, hold grudges, constantly paranoid, would absolutely 100% check out a teenager if nobody was looking because "it's a harmless crime", liar, cycle through idealization and devaluation, 'sick of fat people trying to be the next civil rights issue and making it that much harder to get civil rights for people who are ACTUALLY oppressed like gee idk poc and muslims and the mentally ill and queer people', frequently fantasizes about committing violent acts against people I rationalize they deserve it including family members, untruthful, attention whore, pedantic AND pretentious, tells lies, doesn't believe in one sister's claim of sexual assault (went to smoke weed with the alleged perpetrator), UNAPOLOGETICALLY AGAINST ASEXUAL EXCLUSIONISM (LITERALLY FUCK YOU DUMBASS FOURTEEN YEAR OLDS WHO SHRIEK THAT QUEER IS A SLUR, SHUT YOUR GODDAM FUCKING WHORE MOUTHS YOU DUMBASSES AND GO THE FUCK OUTSIDE OR READ A BOOK), would absolutely punch a child over an insignificant internet argument, secretly sought out sexual pleasure from two friendly seemingly platonic encounters with two girls I just met within twenty four hours, overreacts to the slightest provocations and has bitches at or vagueposted at several people who did not deserve it, has used mental illness and physical handicap to evade trouble from being late for work because video games and laziness and excessive sleep, has spent maybe a thousand dollars on fast food in 2018 alone, evades bills for medical care from an actually great clinic, lying sack of garbage, gave up on calling out family's bigotry and is now an accessory to prejudice, despises terfs predominantly for their refusal to fuck me because of being trans and yet meanwhile would not engage in sexual relationship with another trans woman or cis man unless reeeeeeeeally drunk, can and will blame being sexually assaulted as a child which probably didn't even happen because I don't think I remember it, unabashed furry, probably as addicted to video games and masturbation AND LIES as I almost was to alcohol, pretended to have almost been an alcoholic just to "win" facebook arguments about addiction, doesn't give a fuck my dad almost died from heroin JUST because he's a *little* homophobic and racist and classist and xenophobic because of a christian upbringing, would literally fucking murder him if he EVER PUTS HIS HANDS ON ME AGAIN, only slightly depressed because of laziness and a lack of drive and ungrateful to my family because hey they didn't kick me out for being trans so HEY THATS SUPPORTIVE ENOUGH FOR SOME OTHER PEOPLE SO WHY CANT I BE HAPPY WITH THAT, legitimately salty about ~the friendzone~ and just makes fun of incels because everybody else does, takes the moral high ground for not being a misogynist even though I don't deserve a pat on the back a lap dance and a blowjob for not hating women, overly sensitive about stupid things, thinking about faking having a trigger warning for more discourse credit, HUUUGE ASSHOLE to men I deem unattractive for no other reason than every single ugly fat guy I've ever met has been an asshole, rationalizes it after the fact because they eventually say something shitty because all men are terrible, probably a little bit of a cisnormative misandrist because trans men tend to be much better people, finds trans men attractive (specifically and significantly more so than cis men) so must clearly be fetishizing them, relatively okay with people referring to me as deadnamed and the wrong pronouns so probably just lying about being trans to everyone including myself, not 100% okay with the hijab for 'no reason other than all organized religion is evil and opposed to its mandate and the shame it forces on many women in many situations the exact same way I'm opposed to no sex before marriage and wives being subservient to their husbands and treating women as property in the torah and quran alike because ITS ALL BRAINWASHING' so is clearly not unlearning islamophobia and doesn't want to let that go, hypocrite because I believe in the basics of judeochristianity

and loathe atheism and atheists entirely because their smugness and smarm literally sets my blood pressure through the roof of what is safe and normal and yet claim to hate all organized religion, mansplains yet gets so pissed off when other people mansplain to me, judgmental of other cultures because they don't have the exact same values that I have, james gunn apologist, talks and talks and talks about anarchosocialism all damn day but would beat the shit out of a coworker for leaving me to do things because they're lazy because "any job worth doing is worth doing well" and other capitalismisms, literally couldn't give less of a fuck that his mother is dying because people die but it's no reason to make my life slightly harder and making me work hard when I work because BOO HOO MY LEGS HURT FROM THE LITERALLY MOST MILD CASE OF MUSCULAR DYSTROPHY I COULD'VE BEEN BORN WITH, hasn't actually performed real suicide attempt ever but still claims to have done so to attain sympathy that may result in physical affection, countless other shitty terrible things that yeah I recognize are bad but CANT SEEM TO CARE BECAUSE I HAVE DEPRESSION... WHICH IS THE WEAKEST FUCKING EXCUSE IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE GODDAMN WORLD

I am not a good person, okay?

I just pretend to be sometimes.

I'm sick of doing it, I'm sick of trying to do well and earn people's approval by doing and saying the right things only to just be ignored which is a step up from receiving many anons that hey, never actually told me to kill myself, but did take my words out of context to paint me as a racist. I am not the kind of racist who would vote for trump and march with the kkk. that is one of very few good things I can say about myself. but I'm an arrogant, violent, and angry opinionated perverted manipulative judgmental lying asshole. I'm not a good person. I have let myself fall so much and I deserve to be alone. my only connections to people were built on personal gain and I swear to myself that I do love them but those feelings fall away in direct correlation to how much they interact with me. I could love you to the point of obsession and stalking and one month later be completely and totally disinterested. I'm a bigot who pretends to not be bigoted and just parrots what other people say not because I believe it but because it's the right thing to say, and I only say what the right thing is to say because whenever I say a good thing something good will happen to me and if I say a bad thing something bad happens to me. it's all just self preservation, nothing else at all. but now I'm at the end of a road of just trying to do good and I'm alone. out of the only two friends that I can really say that I have left, one is far away and trapped in a guilt spiral that I caused by being too clingy, and the other has been behaving in a way my mind has decoded as defensive around me which makes sense as I have been very... the best way to describe it would be the way a dudebro incel interacts with any person who possesses a vagina/breasts but sneakier. in both relationships I've pushed my own wants and desires in extremis... I can't for the life of me recall the last time I have ever offered something in return other than my own company or paying for a meal at a restaurant or I guess transportation. and instead of sex I just want them to express even the slightest bit of intimate platonic physical affection towards me but that's still a lot to offer someone who has clearly expressed the existence of a sexual and maybe something near the realms of romantic in one of the cases physical attraction because for this aspec it's practically the same fucking thing.

and I've manipulated them to attain this goal. at this point my shit brain has considered just fucking going to town on my wrists with a razor blade to draw sympathy so that I'll get a hug or something beyond just a simply hello/goodbye, and finding a way to induce tears to concoct a sob story to reach the same end result, and one time very briefly via threat and intimidation so you can clearly see that I've gone far too into irredeemable territory. I've been playing and replaying cry of fear because it's just too similar to my own issues and the first ending where he just kills everyone he loves and then himself... I see me in that ending. and it scares me so much more than the sprinting screaming twitching one hit kill chainsaw guy ever will. I don't want that to be me, I want to change something, but I just can't get the help that I need. I had hoped to go for a domino effect, where if I could be cuddled for like five minutes or something, I'd have the energy to be more hygienic, which would make me feel capable enough to take on two jobs, which would get me the cash flow I need to pay my bills and take care of my hormones, which would put me in the headspace necessary to effectively use psychological help, which would let me get over my illnesses and actually become a more successful person instead of the pathetic husk I am here in non-fantasy land.

but that won't happen.

I'm just sitting here in the dark angsting about how nobody will touch me in a way that would produce oxytocin, and it's making me so sick, so physically sick, that it's affecting my brain too. I'm in pain, nauseous, vengeful, spiteful, paranoid, judgmental, and lonely. I'm stuck and I can't even kill myself because my mind wants me to stay alive and suffer through all of this because "oh it gets better" people have been saying that for well over half of my life. I was six or seven years old when I asked my mother to kill me, and that same level of desperation and bitterness has only gotten worse as time goes by. when does it get better? I'll tell you when it gets better, after I'm in prison or comatose or forty five years old with a cane and bad eyes and high blood pressure and lung cancer from all the secondhand smoke I've breathed in my life. when my life is over, that's when it gets better. I DONT WANT THAT. I WANT A NORMAL FUCKING LIFE RIGHT NOW. I WANT NORMAL FRIENDSHIPS AND A NORMAL HOME AND A NORMAL EDUCATION AND A NORMAL CAREER AND A NORMAL FAMILY. or at least I want someone to hold me and make me feel like I'm not so horrible and broken that I can't be touched.

but that's too much to ask for.

[a-dinosaur-a-day]

Answer them all

I should have seen this coming, in retrospect

1. What’s your middle name?

Caroline

2. What are you listening to right now?

As per the last ask; The Violence by Rise Against

3. What was the last thing you ate?

A candy hug (I haven’t had breakfast yet)

4. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?

My Dad

5. Do you drink?

Occasionally, but not heavily 

6. Do you smoke?

Gd no

7. What is the first thing you noticed in someone?

Their excitement about whatever it is they’re talking about

8. What is your hair color?

Brown

9. What is your eye color?

Hazel

10. Do you wear contacts/glasses?

Yup

11. Dogs or cats?

Neither

12. What’s your favorite animal?

Living? Orca whale. Extinct? Maiasaura

13. What’s your favorite television show?

Orphan Black

14. What’s your favorite movie?

Jurassic Park

15. What’s your favorite band/singer?

Rise Against

16. How old are you?

24

17. Do you have a crush on anyone?

Since I’m in a fairly serious long term romantic relationship, I dare say I do

18. What’s your sexual orientation?

Pansexual

19. What’s your favorite color?

Aqua

20. What was your most embarrassing moment?

As per the first ask: 

At one point I was trying to get Max ( @plokool) to get a new hobby and I wanted to talk about putting ships into bottles

What I said was “putting jars into bottles”

At any rate, Max still makes fun of me for that

21. Do you ever wish you were someone else?

All the time, to be honest :/

22. What were you like when you were a kid?

Quiet, I read a lot; very much a know-it-all; got bullied a shitton

23. What would your dream house be like?

Small, with lots of books and birds; and lots of windows so I can look outside

24. What last made you laugh?

Max saying something cute

25. What is your favorite word?

Compassion

26. What is your least favorite word?

Oligarchy. I don’t know why

27. What turns you on?

As per the first ask: Kindness, empathy/sympathy, passion about one’s hobbies, getting excited about things, being nerdy; some physical attributes 

28. What turns you off?

As per the first ask: Cruelty, a lack of willingness to understand, an inability to modify one’s opinions, willful ignorance; not listening to me when I talk 

29. What is your star sign?

Leo

30. What are your favorite books?

Harry Potter (the whole series); Pillars of the Earth; Ishmael/My Ishmael by Daniel Quinn

31. Do you have any siblings?

5 (4 older sisters, 1 little brother)

32. Do you like to dance?

Eh, not really

33. What is your definition of cheating?

Doing something romantic or sexual in nature with someone other than your partner, and you have not agreed to an open or polygamous relationship with them. Having feelings for someone else, but not acting on them, doesn’t count. You can’t help feelings. 

34. Have you ever cheated on someone?

No

35. Do you regret anything?

Tons of shit. Lots of things. 

36. Do you have any phobias?

Spiders 

37. Ever broken any bones?

Nope

38. Ever come close to death?

Yeah

39. What is your religion, if any?

I was raised Catholic. I am currently not Catholic, and am converting to Judaism through the reform movement. 

40. Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist?

Yeah, since my freshman year of high school

41. Are looks important in a relationship?

Eh, they’re important in initial attraction, but not really after that point

42. Are you more like your mom or your dad?

I like to think I’m an even mix of both

43. What is your favorite season?

Fall

44. Do you have any tattoos?

Nope

45. Do you have any piercings?

Earlobes

46. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

Just the two

47. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?

All the fucking time

48. Who is your celebrity crush?

None?

49. Are you a virgin?

Nope

50. Do you get jealous easily?

Eh, only of people who’s lives I wish I had, not of like, friends of Max’s or anything

51. What is your favorite type of food?

Italian

52. Do you ever want to get married?

I’m iffy on the concept but Max and I are eventually going to get married, yes

53. Who was your first kiss with?

My first boyfriend

54. Have you ever been cheated on?

As per the first ask: Probably? The first person I dated was a chicken who refused to break up with me even though they wanted to be with someone else, so I wouldn’t be surprised if they cheated on me before breaking up with me. 

55. What is your idea of the perfect date?

Going to the Field Museum or some equivalent and spending the whole day together looking at fossils :D Alternatively, the zoo, but looking at birds

56. Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

I honestly have no idea. I need alone time to “recharge,” but too much alone time makes me ridiculously depressed, so both I guess. 

57. Do you believe in aliens or life on other planets?

Decidedly. 

58. What talent do you wish you’d been born with?

Eh, I don’t think we’re really born with talents. People may have more of a propensity for this or that, but in the end it’s all about what you stick with. 

I wish I had stuck with piano playing more, or with drawing, but I didn’t, which is my own fault. 

59. What is your saddest memory?

Some stuff that happened to me in High School. Or another, equally terrible event in college. I don’t want to bum everyone out about it. 

60. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Gd no. Lust yes, but not love.

61. Do you believe in soul mates?

A part of me does

62. Have you ever dyed your hair?

I dyed the end of it blue last summer! I kind of want to do that again sometime

63. Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you?

A lot in high school, sadly 

64. Would you go against your moral code for money?

Right now, given money is very tight, probably :/ But otherwise no

65. What are three things most people don’t know about you?

- I fucking love trigonometry - I enjoy reading the Foxtrot series of comics - I have an unfortunate caffeine addiction 

66. Who are you jealous of?

As per the first ask, Various internet personalities who are actually making decent money from their work in science communication; actual paleontologists 

67. Do you sleep with a stuffed toy?

Too many of them. I have an addiction to stuffed animals

68. How long was your longest relationship?

Max and I have been together for over four years now

69. Is the glass half empty or half full?

Half full

70. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

I feel like the correct answer is not appropriate for this blog; buuuut honestly just taking an interest and listening to me when I talk about the things I enjoy and am excited about? is a PG answer I suppose

71. Who is your most loyal friend?

Probably Max? But also my friend Sara, whom I’ve known since the sixth grade. We went to different high schools and colleges but we’re still best friends. 

72. Are you in a relationship?

Yup

73. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

How excited he gets when he talks about his hobbies

74. Are you a bad person?

I like to think I’m not

75. Are you a lover or a fighter?

Lover

76. What did you do on your last birthday?

Went to the zoo with friends!

77. What is your favorite quote and why?

“Nothing in Biology Makes Sense Except in the Light of Evolution” ~ Theodosius Dobzhansky

78. If your best friend died, what would you do?

Oh gd. Since my best friend is Max, I don’t really want to think about it. It wouldn’t be good. 

79. If you had to go back in time and change one thing, what would it be?

How I handled my mental illnesses. 

80. If you only had 24 hours to live, what would you do?

Spend it with Max

81. What is the strangest dream you’ve ever had?

I once had a very long and elaborate set of dreams in which I angered the Capitol and as such had to design a Hunger Games in which all my loved ones were the competitors. It went on for like, a week, and spawned various inside jokes, as @a-sleepy-dinosaur can testify

82. Are you happier single or in a relationship?

I’m happy in my relationship

83. Who were you in a past life?

Probably some sort of bird

84. What is your happiest childhood memory?

Watching dinosaur documentaries with my mom

85. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

All the bleeping time

86. Have you ever had an imaginary friend?

Yup!

87. If you were the president, what would you do?

Prioritize science & environmentally friendly policies 

88. What is your ideal career?

Honestly? I’d like to be the bird/feather-evolution equivalent of Neil Shubin, if possible

89. What is your political affiliation?

Generally liberal. Most of my opinions are similar to that of Bernie Sanders. But I hesitate to call myself a Democrat. 

90. Are you conservative or liberal?

Liberal

91. Is the male or female body closest to perfection?

This is a very stupid question given trans individuals and the fact that gender =/= biological attributes.

92. Do you like kissing in public?

Definitely!

93. If you could change one thing in the world, what would you change?

Make people better able to consider the humanity of those not in their in-group

94. Where would you like to live?

Edinburgh

95. Where would you go on your dream vacation?

Scotland XD

96. Describe yourself in one word.

As per the first ask, Tenacious

97. Describe yourself in one sentence.

As per the first ask:

(I know this is a double negative but it’s a stronger statement than doing the positive equivalent)

There has never been a subject I didn’t want to explore to it’s completion.

And I guess I won’t answer any more of these xD

[spectrumscribe]

I live for Twin!Donnie and Raph. Everytime I see them pop up in any of your fic it makes me so excited! Do you have any headcannons specifically about the twon thing (for any of your stories)?

*SLAMS ENORMOUS STACK OF SHITTY PERSONAL HEADCANONS ON THE TABLE*

I’M GLAD YOU ASKED MY FRIEND

currently speaking, I’ve got two au’s that have them set up as twins, so i’ll just blab about them here a bunch.

for my older fic series, my Wands In Hand au (HPverse version of things, they’re smol and human and just here to get into trouble learn about magic):

-Raph is usually Donnie’s self-control withhighly ill-advisable magical experiments, but can be tempted into things byreally cool explosions or fluffy small animals.

-alternatively, Donnie is usually Raph’sself-control to avoid unnecessary fights, but can and usually is drawn intothings willingly if it’s regarding one of their siblings or friends. (the twoof them alone are scary, but them plus their brothers plus their two friends plus theircousin and her girlfriend best friend? *megalovaniaintensifies*)

-no one can ever tell they’re twins, but they still do thewhole ‘finishing each other’s sentences’ thing, just for kicks.

-they’re not actually sure who the older twin is, sincetheir original parents aren’t around to tell them who came first. (they werekilled during the whole dark lord fiasco in the nineties, poor sots)

-they ended up defaulting with Raph being the older twin,since he actually wanted to be, and kept on with it as they got older.

-they are actually the snarkiest people to have everexisted, and feed off each other’s snarky attitudes to boost their own whenthey share a space together. Master Shit-Talkers above all else.

-Raph never admits it, but he worries just as much as Leodoes when Donnie starts doing illegal things with magic. one of these days he’sgoing to go grey from the shit his twin pulls.

-Donnie is the only reason Raph bathes regularly. mostlybecause he physically shoves his brother into the shower and holds him at wandpoint until he’s done.

and on the other hand, I’ve got my Voltron au, again with red and purple twins, because yes:

-Raph was the first person Donnie confided in about wanting to transition, and while it took a day or so for him to get his head around things, Raph has been completely supportive of his brother ever since.

-they often joke about how Raph stole all of Donnie’s width in the womb, and how Donnie stole all of Raph’s height.

-they know for sure who the older twin is, (Raph), because their documents said so. but there is question thrown onto this fact later on in the series, because of questionable truth to their origins

-actually the closest set of siblings ever. first person they confide in, complain to, or just go hang out with? their twin. it’s always their twin, even though they sometimes get on each other’s nerves. (but that’s rare, now that they’ve grown out of most of their teenage years.)

-shortly after Donnie came out at their school as a trans-boy, Raph swore that he’d punch every single person who bugged him about it, straight in the face and everything. he continues to fulfill this promise even now. talk shit get hit

-neither of them are afraid to go for hugs from the other. after all, they shared a tight space for a full nine months before they were even born. what’s a few hundred hugs?

-Donnie might not have ever been able to stand up in a physical fight for Raph as kids, but he certainly could ruin the person’s online life. forever.

-Raph isn’t on Donnie’s level with techno-geek speak, but he’s no slack with engineering. their siblings have nicknamed them the tech-twins for this fact.

-Donnie coached Raph through school to keep his grades up, and Raph helped Donnie with martial arts at home. it worked out nicely, since Donnie can now kick just as much ass as his siblings, and Raph’s grade average never fell below 89%. 

this is really long as is, so I’ll cut it off there.

hope you all enjoyed my rambling about twins!Donnie and Raph, because aaaaaaaaaah I have so many dumb headcanons. god.

feel free to ask more specifically about any of them, I love getting to talk about my own works!