#the fandom files

[mare-noctis-studios]

Meeting the Team

David Rossi

Every minute that passes, you regret your decision more and more. Your date, the moderately good looking detective from your last case, barely paused for breath in the latest 10 minute tirade on the nuances of the MPD geo-political social structure. At least the tiramisu was decent.

“The real key to climbing the ladder is to get invited to the superintendent’s golfing weekends. Once you’re in that circle and prove yourself, you’re a shoe-in for the table at the awards gala. Now once you hit that-“

Your phone buzzed quietly. Never had your prayed for a case before but lady luck seems forgiving today.

The Real Housewives of the BAU

JJ -       Date night? Just checking in. I can have backup there in 5 - let me know.

Damn.

Em -     This was the hot detective from MPD right?

Thanks J, but it’s a strike-out. Bottle of rosé and a movie is what this night needs, not a run-down of how to sleep with the boss - Y/N

P.G. -   Ohhh honey, that bad?

Yeah. Unfortunately.

P.G. -   Hugs and kisses

Jake’s tirade only seemed to be ramping up, now having moved on to the fishing trip aboard the superintendent’s yacht, a sweat breaking out on his hairline, you can see the thin rivulets evident of a spray tan running down the side of his neck.

“Excuse me” you say, slipping your phone into your handbag and standing up. “Just need the ladies.”

The bathroom was empty and you take a moment to breathe, staring at yourself in the mirror. Soft light washes over the makeup you applied especially for tonight, something a little more elegant than your usual daily routine – making you sigh. The dress was new - technically it was bought a few months ago for a date that never happened – an emerald green evening gown that in hindsight was far too fancy for the “fine dining” Italian restaurant you were promised.

~ If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with- ~

“Garcia” you answer immediately, picking a stray eyelash off your cheek. “As much as I like to believe the world is getting better please tell me you have a case”

“That I do, honey-bunches.” Garcia’s bubbly voice. “It is the worst of them all though, missing kid in Seattle snatched an hour ago. Get here soon.”

Damn. There’s a problem.

“I didn’t drive here. I’ve got to get a taxi or something, I might be a bit longer” you say, picking your clutch up and heading out the door. You round the corner when you pull up short.

“That mother-“

“Everything ok honey?”

You flag down your waiter and he hands you the bill, posture awkward as your jaw dropped.

“Penelope you find that sonofabitch and you give him every red light between here and the west coast, he left without paying his bill and he ordered the freaking $80 steak!”

“Oh that bastard!” you hear Penelope gasp, the sounds of furious typing echoing down the line. “Hang tight honey, Rossi is in the area. He’s coming to pick you up.”

The chill of the evening air cut through your dress like you weren’t wearing it at all, and you forgot to bring a jacket in the rush to leave, wrapping your arms tighter around your abdomen. You should have known better, you realise. You’d seen the signs in his behaviour when you worked together, you saw. You knew, and yet…

A warm hand on your arm jolted you from the musings, turning to find Rossi there with a half-cocked smile on his face.

“I take it date night was a bust?”

“In more ways than one” you mutter, storming off towards his car. A hand hooked around your elbow just before you could open the door and you stumbled, falling into the side of Rossi with a grunt.

“Hold your horses tesoro” he said gently, taking off the suit jacket and wrapping it around your shoulders. “I think I need to give this guy a lesson on how to treat a lady.” He opens the car door and helps you inside, turning up the heat once he’s driving and takes a look at the receipt crumpled in your fist.

“How was the food?” he said after a few minutes silence, the soft chatter of the radio distracting you from the thoughts of the night.

“Disappointing. You would have been horrified to hear what they called ‘authentic’ Italian.” You laugh, pulling the jacket a little tighter around your shoulders and leant against the window. “You know, he told me we were supposed to go to ‘Ciccio’ but we were too far down on the waitlist.”

“Hence the nice dress?” Rossi said with a knowing smile. “’Ciccio’ its supposed to be one of the best new restaurants in town”

You sigh again, pulling the jacket even tighter. “A pretty poor debut for this dress but at least I finally got to wear it.”

~

You flop down on one of the bench seats with a groan, smiling and the gentle squeeze Emily gave your shoulder.

“As much as I’m glad that case ended well, I’m exhausted.” You say, finally hauling yourself up and into one of the proper seats, letting your head rest on your arms as the team prepare for take off.

“You chased the unsub at a sprint for almost an hour Y/N, have you considered doing the FBI triathlon?” Hotch asked, sitting next to you, while the snort of derision came from Rossi who sat opposite.

“Suckering more people into your health cult Hotch? I might have to stage an intervention.”

The sounds of chatter and the general ambiance of flight lulled you into a deep sleep, waking only once you landed safely in Virginia. Rossi offered you a lift back to the bullpen to grab your things and it wasn’t until you saw Penelope holding two garment bags did you put two and two together.

“I figured you’d prefer to have some good memories with that dress” Rossi chuckled, taking one bag from Penelope’s outstretched finger. “Let’s go to dinner, my treat, after all the leg work you put in yesterday you must have an appetite.”

“Starving”

~

Rossi knew how to treat a lady and if you didn’t know better, you could very well become wife number 4 by next week. He drove you to Ciccio in the same car he rescued you with – a camel 1947 Buick that made you feel very much like a 50s movie starlet. He opened your door and helped you out of the car like a gentleman, waved you through the waiting line of diners to a private table for two, a bottle of Dom Perignon already waiting on ice. His bow tie was a soft velvet, matching the deep emerald green of your gown, the twinkle in his eye only surpassed by the glee you both shared at the first bite of the antipasti selection.

Conversation flowed even smoother than the wine selection, and when it came time to wrap up, the bill was taken care of before you could blink twice.

“Ok, I’ll admit it Rossi” you say as you stroll arm in arm among the trees strung with fairy lights. “You do know how to treat a lady. Maybe you should teach classes alongside your regular profiler training.”

A chill suddenly overcame you and the jacket was quickly thrown over your shoulders, making you turn and smile at your colleague.

“Thank you for a wonderful night, David. I really mean it.”

“Of course, tesoro.” He said, kissing your knuckle respectfully and looped a hand around your arm to guide the two of you back to his car. “You deserved a nice evening, at a proper Italian restaurant, with a man who actually pays the bill.”

The Real Housewives of the BAU

JJ –       How was the dinner with Rossi?

I might become wife #4 if this what date night usually is - Y/N

Em –    That good? Damn, he’s holding out on us

P.G. – I’m glad you had fun.

P.G –   by the way, I had nothing to do with it but if a certain mpd detective starts complaining about how the random shift assignments seemingly aren’t random its because they aren’t.

Pretty Boy –    You know most random algorithmic generators aren’t actually random.

Pretty Boy –    True randomness has a social phenomenon of being ‘fake’ due to a recipients feeling that it’s not actually random so they had to devise a..

10+ unread messages

[shoomlah]

Everyone saw Crowley dressed up as Nanny Ashtoreth and wondered what she'd look like as a mid-century pinup, right, all of us, not just me 😬

[potatomanandthecardboardboxes]

HEY FELLOW WALTEN FILERS

HOW ARE WE ALL FEELING???????

[englandhatepage]

w hat other choice do yo u have

[thatoneangryduck1]

Percy Jackson everyone.

Ever the charmer.

The guy who was stuck in a death labyrinth with 3 people, all of which had a crush on him. AND THIS IS HIS PICK-UP LINE???? HOW DID HE PULL 3 WHOLE ASS BADASS PEOPLE???

The worst part is that it fucking worked. THIS WAS HIS LINE AND IT WORKED!

For those who say that Percy is a simp for Annabeth, just remember that Annabeth is just as much a simp because girlie blushed.

[abysshare]

This is your sign to make an OC by the way.

"Its a mary sue" i Don't Care, Make it.

"I Feel cringy" cringe can be cool too btw. Reclaim cringe. Have fun with it.

"I don't know the lore at all / very well" thats okay !!!!

"It doesn't fit the lore" so? Maybe that can be a new story/plotline

"My OC is my Self insert" HELL YEAH!!!

"My OC is not a Self Insert" HELL YEAH !!!

"I don't know where to start" Picrews, dress up games, etc help me as a base. Its okay to take your time and change the design one to multiple times

"I don't know how to draw/write" its fun, you don't have to know everything i promise. Draw a stick figure. Write a few sentences or a quote.

"I'm afraid of people making fun of me" that is very fair and very valid but please do not let other people control you. Life is short, make something out of it.

"My OC is LGBTQIA+/MOGAI/POC/Disabled/Neurodivergent/Fat/etc" FUCK YEAH??? I LOVE YOU /friendly

"My OC is a Kinsona/Furrysona/TherianSona/Systemsona/Charactersona" THOSE ARE SO COOL AND I WISH TO SEE MORE!!!

"I built an entire AU / original universe with my OCs" you're gonna go places i promise /pos

[chiptrillino]

Dunno if it has been requested but no.66?

( ID in ALT text) i honestly didn't expect somone to still ask about these hahah

[hailsatanacab]

A Persuasive Argument - dpxdc

"Great!" Danny says, clapping his hands together to get everyone's attention. The dinner table falls silent as everyone looks towards him. It's a full house today and, honestly, Danny's a little nervous. "I'm sure you're all wondering why I gathered you here today."

"It's dinnertime. In our house." Duke mutters, while doing a very bad job of concealing his yawn. He holds his fork poised over the braised beef, but, just like everyone else, still looks towards Danny before tucking in. It's intriguing enough to wait.

"Yeah, no one misses Alfie's dinner." Dick says, with a brilliant smile that Danny can't help but return.

"Precisely! What better time to talk to you all than when you're all actually here!"

"Wait, I thought you came round to work on our English essays?" Tim asks, blinking owlishly.

"I'm afraid I've lured you here under false pretences, Tim."

"This is where I live."

"I would still really appreciate help on that essay though, I mean, what the hell is Hamlet even about? I just don't get that old time-y language, like 'Hark! A ghost hath killed me!' - absolute rubbish, what does that even mean?"

"The ghost never kills anyone in Hamlet, he's there to tell Hamlet that he was murdered. Have you actually read it?"

"No, but it sounds like you have. Tim, I want this guy to help me with my essay instead. I know for a fact that you haven't read Hamlet, either."

"So? We don't need Jason, I've read the Sparknotes."

"Hi Jason, I'm Danny, pleasure to meet you, summarise Hamlet in three sentences or less."

"Am I auditioning to help you write your essays? I can't believe you’ve gone through your whole school life without reading it, it’s good!"

"Hamlet, along with a number of other classics, was banned in our house because it portrayed ghosts as intelligent and sympathetic beings rather than evil, animalistic beasts. I didn’t even get to see The Muppet's Christmas Carol until last year with Tim! It was surprisingly good, and I hate Christmas because everyone always argued and it sucked. But we're getting off topic. I—"

"No, no, please go back to that, because what the fu—"

"Boys, please." Bruce interrupts, looking to the world as if he wants to hang his head in his hands. "Danny, you were about to say something?"

"Oh, yeah, Mr. Wayne! Thanks!"

"Please, call me Bruce."

"Well, that very succinctly brings me to my point, because I'd actually really like to call you dad."

Nobody says a word. Nobody even blinks, all as shocked as the other, watching open-mouthed as Danny pulls his laptop out from beside his chair. Bruce can definitely feel a headache coming on.

"Before you say anything, I've prepared a 69 slide PowerPoint presentation on why you, Bruce Wayne, should adopt me, Danny Last-Name-Pending. Please save your questions, comments, and verdict until the end, thank you."

[the-widow-olivia]

Deep breath.

I am a solidly middle-aged fangirl, and my last real fan community before OFMD was the X-Files. (I feel like I am not the only one here who fits that description).

The news that we aren’t getting a new season of Our Flag Means Death is hitting me harder than I expected.

So I am thinking about Scully.

There’s this X-Files episode called “Clyde Bruckman’s Final Repose.” The plot is about a guy who can see into the future and tell people how they die.

Scully asks him, "How do I die?"

And Clyde Bruckman replies, simply, "You don't."

I've seen fans speculate that Scully winds up becoming immortal by the end of the series. But, 22 years after the end of the show's original run, that line has taken on a new meaning for me.

Scully doesn't die, she can't die, because I still think about her. Scully is immortal because there are fans still writing her into stories, still making art, still getting inspired by her and pursuing medicine and science.

You cannot truly kill a story. You can cancel a TV show. You can, if you're an asshole, make fun of fan creators and their ideas. If you're really an asshole (and a media conglomerate), you can send them cease and desist letters and tell them to stop making art that breathes new life into that story. But the story will not die.

I draw a lot of hope from the long, long history of fandom. The people who loved stories enough to keep them alive, even when it wasn't clear that there would ever be another "official" work in their lifetimes. The Sherlock Holmes fans. The Star Trek fans.

How does a story die?

It doesn’t.

[vodyaniks]

If you're taking requests, saw you draw a kiss w/ sun so how about some kisses with moon?

-totally not nebula

Moon kiss!!! Moon kiss!!! (●♡∀♡)ﾉ｡.｡:∞♡*♥

Stressed y/n will get smooches ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

[psychicbergara]

[mare-noctis-studios]

I can't help myself

Taken from Chapter 5 of Not Alone by Сталкер on AO3

[androids-insides]

Usually I save these for Instagram, but this one took me a while and I find it rather funny.

[formulafics]

★ THE WINNER TAKES ALL 2 | LN4

Scenario: lando norris just wants people to realize that he and his teammate are dating. what better thing to do than kiss her on live television after winning a race?

Pairing: lando norris x fem!reader (mclaren driver)

A/N: she’s kinda hot is my favorite fic…but this one might have just taken the cake. giggled and kicked my feet the whole time i made this one, guys.

PART ONE

requests are open for smau’s | check pinned for more info

landonorris

liked by ynln_mclaren, mclaren, alex_albon, georgerussel63, charles_leclerc, and 623,527 others

landonorris at last, my maiden win. the best gift for 100 races. thank you to my team, my fans, and especially my girlfriend, @/ynln_mclaren. i truly couldn’t have done it without her 🧡

view all 3,456 comments

ynln_mclaren i love you so very much lando, and i’m so happy for you. you deserve this and so much more, my love.

⤷ landonorris i love you. thank you.

⤷ formulanorris im just gonna cry myself to sleep brb

mclaren YES, LANDO. amazing performance this weekend!

danielricciardo man, congrats on that win…and your first kiss!

⤷ landonorris awe mate how kind of you 🖕🏻

⤷ rizzciardo i keep up with landos posts not because of lando, but because of daniels comments

norrisnation I SOBBED WATCHING THIS. LETS GO LANDO!!!!

formulafernando is no one going to mention the kiss

⤷ landoland I KNOW my jaw dropped to the fucking floor. i was expecting a hug not THAT

maxfewtrell idk i think they’re just friends…

⤷ ynln_mclaren fuck off

⤷ maxfewtrell using lando’s terminology i see

⤷ landonorris fuck off

lando.jpg

liked by ynln_mclaren, charles_leclerc, maxfewtrell, and 366,552 others

lando.jpg celebrating the weekend with MY GIRLFRIEND…and some other pretty cool people.

view all 3,284 comments

ynln_mclaren celebrating with MY BOYFRIEND. *pinned by landonorris*

mclaren fantastic weekend thanks to the both of you. keep up the good work and have fun 🧡👊🏻

formulanorris LMAO lando we know she’s your gf now it’s okay 😭

⤷ rizzciardo he was FED UP LMAO

maxfewtrell keep the coupley posts to a minimum?

⤷ ynln_mclaren no 🤗

[brainrotisseriechicken]

sorta remake of an old talloran thingy im making into a print :3

[gert-the-disaster]

MITCH WHERE ARE MY KIDS