#the moral here is iVE BEEN ON TUMBLR TOO LONG

[branchofcinnamon]

ya boy BJC has been dead for TEN years 👻🎸💙

[wygolvillage]

a new year's resolution

well, as of 2024 i’ve decided i will no longer be posting on tumblr... this shouldnt be the hugest surprise since ive been pretty critical of staff, the over-monetization of the website, the site culture, and the user experience for the past year and gradually reducing my time spent scrolling the ol’ dashboard- ive even mentioned my intent to eventually leave; well, that eventually is now! gradually ive found myself analyzing the effect that using tumblr for 7+ years has had on me, and the effects of social media in general.

ive never had to write a goodbye letter like this before. while ive joined and left several online platforms over the years, its always been a gradual fade in interest rather than a conscious decision to stop. never have i used a platform as long as ive used tumblr, over 1/3 of my life. ive grown up with tumblr, for better or worse. how do you write a goodbye for that? i guess ill have to try my best. because as important as tumblr was for me, ive recognized the way its hurt me too.

finding other avenues of online self-expression particularly has made me think a lot about this. when i edit my website i feel accomplished, happy, and content, feeling i have put something of myself out into the world, my seed to grow and garden to tend. when i scroll through tumblr i feel as if my brain is mostly idle, and when i do emotionally respond its often out of anger or annoyance, because anger = engagement and social media sites like tumblr WANT engagement. particularly because i have OCD ive found myself upset by certain aspects of tumblr discourse culture, as well- it is basically the Scrupulosity Website and much of the way i react to and interact with media has been colored by my years spent absorbing the viewpoints of said Scrupulosity Website! i even used to look up discourse topics on tumblr just to anger myself on purpose, which is a dangerous road to go down, to build up Enemies and Factions in your mind- this is how discourse culture works. the culture of tumblr teaches you to see the world in black and white, and to feel like youre always in danger of compromising your moral purity or being attacked by the morally impure. If You Don’t Reblog This You Are A Bad Person. even as someone who nowadays tries to stay away from discourse entirely, its still there in the back of my mind, because the way we interact on this website is colored by this. when im online i dont actually want to be angry all the time! in fact i like putting my effort towards more positive stuff. but additionally: tumblr made me unhappy but it also made me an addict

and yeah social media addiction sounds like a silly boomer thing to complain about but one thing i noticed when i started trying to curb my time spent on tumblr was that opening the site was damn near compulsive. we all know those “open tumblr, close tumblr, open tumblr again immediately after” memes but that did describe my behavior pretty accurately. the draw and allure of social media feeds is powerful, if i accidentally click the youtubes short tab ill find myself a half hour later scrolling through random shit i don't care about and asking well how the hell did i get here? i dont even like that stuff! tumblr is no different no matter how much the site tries to coast on the reputation of being the last social media that's a “remnant of the old web” and “has no algorithm”. i like my chronological dash but it is equally as addicting to scroll through the thousands of people ive followed over the years, as it is to scroll through the algorithmic feeds of youtube shorts, because that's just social media!

and kicking addiction is pretty damn hard. before 2023, i made two separate attempts at reducing my tumblr usage and both fell through within a week due to that addiction. for reference this current bought of thoughts about reducing my tumblr usage and making my online/irl balance more healthy, around the start of 2023 when i began working on my website and its taken me an entire year to wean myself off of the hellsite, bit by bit. theres a point where it stopped being a conscious act, and even as i was carefully whittling down how often i use tumblr with extensions like leechblock i still had that compulsion go off multiple times every day, its a really strange feeling. but now that ive found so many more ways to express myself online, i just feel more whole now... i guess what im saying is that when i post on tumblr my first instinct is to complain or wallow about something, when i post on my own handmade blog on my website i always want to talk about things that excite me or make me happy! and its been such a tangible change in the way i think and act and im certain its because of the way social media and tumblr have their own “societal expectations” and structure that is built to feed on this negativity loop.

and a lot of the biggest shifts happened when i began immersing myself in the ideals of the web revival, while creating my own website. finding things that genuinely interested me and niches i want to occupy made me so much happier. i know we make a lot of jokes about having mutuals we never talk to that mean the world to us and i do think that is indicative of something. like, when i post on a forum full of strangers i am engaging with more “face to face” (or the digital equivalent) communication than i do with years-long mutuals. how genuine are these connections, this dashboard, the enjoyment i got from that meme post ill forget in 10 minutes? (not to say that i don’t genuinely care abt my followers and mutuals. ykwim?) i can still get all the things i enjoy out of tumblr in a more curated form via rss feeds; ive been so much more proud of what i post and create and code on my website. what am i here for? i gradually realized that i am losing absolutely nothing when i “miss out” or block tumblr on my phone or what have you.

since starting working on my neocities site ive felt so much creative drive. ive created whole interactive essays and worlds and games and writings and so many things i could never host on social media. my website is a place of my very own, and ive been learning the value of focusing on what i put out into the net compared to what i take from it. its made me feel so much more fulfilled when i spend time online.

and let's not forget about staff. i have broader issues with how automattic in particular has gone about running the site. the ads only took up more and more of the dashboard, and every month it felt like there was some new paid feature doomed to never take off. all while the user experience gradually degraded. using the site without browser extensions to fix the ui and block the ads and tumblr live and all the other shit they threw all over the place makes it look like its ridden with viruses, and i think the fact that its become so normalized to feel like we have to stay in spaces that become increasingly hostile to us, even while the internet is so vast, is really strange (i mean, i also thought that way at first). but Anyway. so much time and effort was spent on features no one liked or wanted in some desperate attempt to get a little extra money, while staff members get in public fights with users who complain about getting monetization shoved down their throat. its so openly pathetic. the merch store had mostly mediocre designs and the digital tumblrmart is absolutely full of useless digital goods with free alternatives. considering this is a userbase that gladly donates to other sites donation drives for hosting costs (i.e. ao3, wikipedia, internet archive), i am shocked that staff never considered the obvious answer of a fucking donation drive once a year or so! the ceo telling people with concerns about the ads being unsafe for epilepsy to “just pay the ad free subscription” is one of the most disgusting things ive ever heard from someone officially representing such a platform. do not be fooled by the reputation tumblr has cultivated: all that it cares about is making money from you. tumblr is “in danger” because it can't turn a profit- because a profit is all they care about!

so why stay here when im happier elsewhere, apart from the addictive compulsion? that's what ive been thinking through for nearly a year, realizing that i have no reason to, and that weaning myself off of the addiction is in my best interest. i can create and blog and have fun online and connect with others and follow other peoples work all without the need for tumblr anymore! and i think id be all the healthier for it.

over the past year ive truly fallen in love with the internet again and ive loved putting myself out there, unrestrained in ways i havent felt since i was very young. but nonetheless ive learned a lot on tumblr, ive had some of the worst and best experiences of my online life, and i dont doubt that i would be a much different person if i had never been a tumblr user for as long as i was. but i had to break out of this shell eventually.

i keep going over this wondering how i can express every feeling in my head, how i can word everything just a little better, how i can make the perfect goodbye. but i think this will have to suffice.

you can still keep up with me online here:

-explore my website: i keep it consistently updated and im always adding new things and writing new posts on my blog! you can even speak to me directly on the site! if you sign my guestbook or use my chatbox ill try to respond :) if theres anything on this list you do id like it to be this one! i worked hard on it! you can even send me chat messages on my homepage! just keep in mind it may not display everything right on most mobile browsers, but it should be mostly navigable...

you can also subscribe to my rss feed. if you don't know what rss is, it allows you to use a feed reader to keep up with updates from sites all over the internet! my rss feed will notify you whenever ive made a new post on my blog or made an interesting edit on my site id like you to take a peek at :0 convenient, right?

you can also email me at wygolvillage@gmail.com to message me directly. if you prefer im also “wygolvillage” on discord

thank you and happy new years :) thanks for seeing me off as i sail to a new sunrise <3

[clownsuu]

I think my ask on the other blog got eaten by tumblr so I'm just re-ask it here. Can we get more lore on Douglas, Jack, Fytó, and Mayor Ignis?

O shid??

*proceeds to break all my bones*

So they are all part of this lil item head world iv created where depending on what kind of head you have will determine your status in their society. Like Jack the poker chip owns a family passed down casino, Douglas has a cash register-ppphhhhone thing-????, Fytó is a pitcher that uses his head as a vase, and Mayor Ignis is a chandelier.

Ignis is, to put it lightly, a horrible father and Mayor. He hasn’t stepped into his office for years besides to do his mandatory speeches and conferences. Instead, he spends majority of his time at the casino livin’ it up and getting absolutely wasted. His son (Phoenix) is heavily disappointed in his father and refuses to associate with him, living with his mother in a different city.

Also not only did Ignis basically abandoned his family and job, he has also given finance and power to the CEO of the country’s most used and morally corrupt banker.

Douglas.

Nobody really knows of Douglas’s origins- the bank has existed far before the birth of Ignis and mysteriously has been seen as the most intimidating and powerful bank out there. He has destroyed countless of businesses and ruined lives of millions for his own profit. He’s a disgusting man. Anyone who even utters anything about having money is said to be cursed by a mail the next day saying they owe millions to the bank even if they only have pennies. Douglas is cruel, and thrives watching people suffer and beg underneath his foot as he laughs maniacally. One of those people being Jack.

Jack is a skilled player in the ages of poker and gambling in general. He knows when to quit, and he knows when to move forward. He’s a really smart man who cherished and loved his family’s casino with all of his heart to a point he is willing to make sacrifices to keep the place afloat. However one year he has been fed up with the threats the bank has been making to their casino and has decided to fight it. Douglas has told them that he could be completely free from the threats and money issues as long as he could defeat Douglas in a single game. At first Jack thought that would be a easy win due to his skills and knowledge, however after losing aggressively to a cheated hand, they were forced to give ownership to Douglas.

In the poorer side of town, there is a little flower shop just barely outside of the bustling streets. Another family owned business of kettles, pitchers and tiny little tea cups. However due to their heads not being wealthy enough and not having enough history, they have no choice but to replace the meaning of their heads from drinks to flower pots. Fytó, the eldest brother of all of his 6 sisters has been keeping the place running with his grandmother after his mother and father went missing after ignoring too many bank statements for years. Fytó has always done his best to take care of his grandmother and little sisters as he does most of the chores and work- it kept him busy from his racing thoughts and fears of being discovered again and taking him away. His remaining family means the world to him and he has no doubt in his mind that his mother and father are either slaving away to make up for the money or were merely killed to be sold. He’s terrified- but his sisters and grandmother as always there to fix him up just when he was about to completely shatter.

Humans, completely forget I spelt Ignis’s name wrong JDHGDGDGD

[bearhugsandshrugs]

Hello im coming to hit you with some small tidbits and also my own little thoughts ive had with my own durge because of it :D (this got long because adhd go brr; tldr, you can totally play durge as a weapon without real autonomy due to Bhaal and his possessing of the Durge, and i went all in on that and also the Pining TM) One thing that Sceleritas will apparently tell you (and I believe I read this elsewhere on tumblr) was that the most awful thing he ever saw you do was (checks notes) give gold to a beggar. There's also times with the durge where, when dealing with like, sweet things, they feel physically sick at the sweetness of it/the person/their own actions? And its implied that that feeling comes from Bhaal, and it almost feels like Bhaal is essentially sneering at the act in your blood and its like an intrusive thought that the durge has to push away and push through if you lean less Murder Hobo with them. Theres an especially good example in the Grove with Arabela when you can potentially send the kid to her death or you can push through that thought and instead focus on saving her and the narrator describes it as you taking a breath and willing the thoughts away to retain some clarity. Combined with the fact that the durge often has like,,,, detox symptoms? And can outright state when talking to Sarevok if you become an Unholy Assassin and play their little game and be a good Bhaalspawn, that you wished Bhaal trusted you enough to not possess you and use you against your will, so the game even leaves room for a Durge to turn against Bhaal, not even out of morality or inherent goodness, which can also 100% be played up and played into, but rather out of an autonomy issue, that sure, maybe they are a murderer, but at least now itll be 100% their choice who and when and how, and not a thing that literally overtakes them and possesses them Exorcist style minus the pea soup! When I played my Durge who was made specifically with Gortash in mind, Miri, she was actively walking backward on her history- blending in with the cult in Moonrise, trying to find notes and letters and talking to anyone who might've known her before to see what was up. But i never actually leaned into being a Bhaalspawn, I actually played her pragmatically. She was a bit of an ice queen and could be cruel, cold, callous but she was ultimately a strategist. But its that call to her history - not Bhaal but just,,,, knowing who she was, finding her identity that was so cruelly stolen from her, however messy and horrific it, she, mightve been, and then with Gortash, that turns up to 11 because "holy shit theres been a little hole inside me until i finally made my way back here, back to you, and you knew me, holy shit i feel like i know you, i feel like i trust you and i feel like you're the first person i dont want to have to kill, oh no you were important somehow before but how?" which turns into "Am I too different now? Is too much of me gone for you to feel whatever you might've felt, the feeling that is tugging at me too?" and the answer is no, because its still her and it was never just about being a bhaalspawn; she admired and respected him and it was the same back; two abused, lost, cruel people, who found one person they didnt want to be like that with, didnt *need* to be like that with, because they accepted one another (and also also the way Gortash is like huh im surprised you turned on bhaal but now the power we obtain will be ours and you wont even have a god in the mix so that means all the more power to you and you alone <3) Anyways i think im actually in love with this stupid man and gortash with an OC, tav or durge, is my Roman Empire

aww thanks for sharing! I think my biggest “issue” with Durgetash is the whole reveling in being bad together, mostly brought on by Durge (?). Personally (like yay for anyone who finds that appealing) I find being a cruel, manipulative, murdering power couple to be boring. It’s always easier to be evil than good. The world isn’t inherently fair. it comes with the territory.

It’s why Gortash is the most interesting to me when he offers a Tav a coalition. He seems gray with his morals, pragmatic, not picky about what gives him the control he so desperately craves. Durge (in most portrayals, but I’m really thankful for your version, which I thinks is very interesting) is often portrayed as someone reveling in the murder and all the bad. This whole heehee-haha we’ll murder the world vibe for a pre-tadpole Durgetash is just… I don’t connect to a character who had no redeeming backstory other than a sudden bout of amnesia?

But it seems like the portrayals I’ve seen of Durge so far have been more caricatures, more exaggerated, and that’s okay (again not trying to judge, it’s just my personal preference). If there could be a version of Durge that always struggled with the murder? Who didn’t eat people because that’s their thing? Who didn’t fuck corpses because they were into it?

Yeah. I can work with that. That’s a story of breaking free, of redemption and reinvention. Yes, I like that.

[zukosdualdao]

Im glad to read the takes of a fellow zuko stan :)

Honestly, it feels like people just hate on him way too much lately. The posts ive seen on twitter, on tik tok, on tumblr... Do people just not like him anymore? Why did everyone turn against him so suddenly? I've been hoping it's something temporary, just a trend, but. I don't know anymore. People mock his disability, spit on his trauma, wish death on him and interpret everything he says or does in the worst possible way. I saw someone crying about how entitled he was because he took aang's seat when watching the play just the other day lmao. Another person wrote about how mysoginistic he was because he didn't remember katara's name when asking about kya's death to sokka? There are those who even call him a colonizer on the same level as iroh lmao. It seems their justifications for all the salt they throw his way are along the lines of "he's been loved for too long, aang stans have suffered way more, people just watched the show again and realized how bad he actually was, he's catching strays since his fans keep setting him up, his fans paint him as perfect and erase every bad thing he's done" etc etc. I'm all for criticism and deeper character analysis, but this is just said in bad faith. I also think it has a bit to do with how different engagement has become in fandom spaces recently (things people support in fiction need to be morally correct) and well, zuko was the perfect target. He's done bad things, sides with the villains for a good portion of the series, redeems himself but there are things he still has to work on... I don't know, it's been getting to me. There are many other harsh things ive read said about him (like implying how every single member of the gaang hates even after redeeming himself), but i honestly don't have the energy to delve into each and every one. His arc was poorly executed and his development was badly written now, apparently. I kind of just ranted here, i apologize. Im very happy to read the posts of someone who genuinely likes him and doesnt throw him under the bus to defend or elevate other characters...

hi! i'm glad you're enjoying my blog <3 and no need to apologize for the rant, i'm always happy to talk about zuko!

about to theorize a bit as to why it seems like maybe zuko has become a more contentious character, but it should be noted i have not been exceptionally, actively involved in the fandom very long. i loved atla as a kid, have retained fond memories, have witnessed some discourse from the fringes over the years, but only recently has it overtaken my brain to the point of making a whole blog about it. lol. so, like, grain of salt, etc.

i think a big part of it is what you said - in the last few years of fandom in particular, it feels like there has been a huge upswing in purity culture, moralizing liking/not liking certain ships or characters, and an overall increase in very black-and-white thinking. there's also an emphasis on "holding people accountable" (good in theory), often without specifying what, exactly, that looks like (less good). the idea then becomes that if you've done harmful things, there's no way you can ever make up for them and should just, like, hate yourself for all eternity and also die, probably, which is not actually helpful to anyone.

so, i think for those who ascribe to that mindset, zuko is a prime candidate for them to criticize. and while there's nothing wrong with criticizing a character or their arc or writing if you truly have a problem with it, as you've said, a lot of the time, criticisms against zuko don't seem to be made in very good faith. after all, a big part of zuko's arc is having to unlearn some very black-and-white thinking. also, zuko is not a real person. he is a character, and therefore a narrative tool, and if we want him to be 'held accountable', we need look no further than the story itself, in which he is probably the character the narrative holds the most accountable for his actions due to his prior status as a villain.

(it reminds me a bit, actually, of another favorite character of mine: alec in the tv series shadowhunters. he starts out the story already in a heroic role, unlike zuko, but a big part of his narrative is unlearning some prejudiced cultural mindsets and challenging not only his previous ideologies, but his conception of himself and the people in his life as well. as a result, alec can look sometimes more obviously flawed than the other main cast, but the point is that the narrative asks him to examine those flaws and change and introspect and grow in a way that it doesn't always ask of other characters when they are showcasing their own flaws. which does make me thing about zuko vs. aang in the atla narrative.)

the other thing i think is contributing to zuko's more contentious status in the fandom is how long atla's been in the cultural consciousness, and how common it is for things that used to be popular to cycle through to people starting to criticize or actively hate it to people saying "no, actually, it's still pretty good, you just don't want to like a popular thing" (this is me rn), to maybe eventually getting popular again/at least in certain subsects of the audience. zuko was probably one of the most talked-about aspects of atla for a long time, and while i can understand how that could get frustrating (because there are some other really great characters and aspects of the story!), that's not, like, for no reason. people connected with and admired his story for a reason, and many still do, and (in my humble opinion) that is because it is one of the most thought-out, intentional, and nuanced character arcs of the show.

the ableism, i think, really gets to me because like... even if every criticism from the people who hate him were 100% accurate and said in good faith (they're not, but let's pretend for a minute)... that still wouldn't be an excuse for ableism against a character with a prominent facial difference (or making fun of abuse survivors for the permanent injuries they sustain from abuse.) if zuko had never redeemed himself and stayed a villain, it would still be wrong to talk about his scar and abuse the way some of his detractors do. and the show agrees with me! you know how i know? the only two characters to ever make fun of zuko's scar are villains in the narrative: zhao and azula. ("make fun of" might not be quite right for zhao, since what he said - "you have the scar to prove it" - is far more matter-of-fact than azula imitating him by covering her eye or "make sure they get your good side", but he's absolutely being a huge jerk about it.) other characters react to zuko's scar in all sorts of different ways, even when he's still in a villain/antagonist/anti-hero role: zuko's crew is horrified to learn how he got the scar, song sees a point of connection and tries to reach out to him, but, while i think well-intentioned, she breaks a major boundary by trying to touch his scar when he hasn't conveyed he's okay with that, jet makes assumptions about his background because of it, lee, the kid from zuko alone, asks with curious, childish naivete how he got it, only for his father to reprimand him for asking, aang reacts with annoyance/boredom to azula's ableist joke, and katara trips over her words to correct him when zuko thinks she's essentially calling him "scary to look at". not all of these interactions are positive, but the characters (all of whom are written as pretty sympathetic, even if also flawed) aren't outright trying to make fun of him for it, and the narrative never implies he deserves to be treated as less than because of it, even before his redemption.

anyway. if people don't believe in characters' (and, hell, irl people's) capacity for growth and change and don't want to have nuanced discussions about how trauma can impact these things, i mean... that's their prerogative, but i don't understand why they enjoy the show, because those are big parts of it (and not just wrt zuko.)

i know it can be frustrating, anon— trust me, i get very frustrated. but i promise you, there are plenty of people out there who a) still love zuko and his story and b) are capable of and willing to talk about things with nuance and in good faith. i'm happy to be part of that corner of fandom, and i bet you can manage to carve out a space where more people like that exist, too! <3

[pineappleciders]

i think ur account is pretty sweet and wanted to ask do u have any tips for starting out in tumblr ive been wanting to start doing stuff on here for a long time but cant get a grip on it and have no idea how to start or what to even do and u seem cool and ive been following u for a while so well uh do u have any tips for starting out or something it would mean a whole lot to me giggles !!!

HI okay first off THANK YOU and here is all my general advice and personal experience:3

when i first created my account i only wrote stuff for omori and basically nothing else, i didn't post my art or anything like that. and then one day i was like what if i posted my drawings and i did and BOOM people liked it so i kept going!!! i've thought about making two separate blogs for art and writing but that would take a lot of effort and it seems complicated because i know a lot of people only follow me for one or the other so idk maybe i will but ANYWAYS

i say just go for it. it was completely on a whim that i made a tumblr account. before i didn't even use tumblr i had one account years ago that i rarely used, i just wondered hey i like content for my fandoms but what if i MADE content for my fandoms and BOOM pineappleciders was born.

i write because i eeally enjoy these fandoms and communities, and requests are so fun to do because i get to show people my observations and opinions of these characters and their personalities!!& all while bringing comfort to people and making them feel heard. so it's a win-win!

i'd suggest taking any of your interests or hobbies and making it into soemthing. like if you're interested in a video game i'd start posting art or writing or an AU or just talking about the game and theories ans stuff!!!

if you like to draw and are thinking about posting your art, PLEASE do NOT let anything affect you!!! there are going to be rude people ans there will be times where you post cringe and a lot of people see it. even if you don't get a lot of followers or notes at first, do not let it drag you down. i started my blog because i wanted to do something that resonates with my special interests and i wanted to share it with people. don't make content FOR people, make content to SHARE with people.

if you want advice about how to get more followers or likes and stuff, all i can say is just do what makes you happy. i've never really been in a situation where i've felt i have to get more likes on this one post or i need more followers or anything like that, because i post for those 2 people who immediately like the post .4 seconds after i post it. i post for the people who like my interests just as much as i do, and most importantly i post because it makes me happy!!!

moral of the story is find the community that you want to be in and start there. give yourself a pfp of a character from a fandom or make your blog all pretty or relate it to a fandom or whatever, the point is to just do what makes you happy and post what you want to post!!!

i have about 1,800 followers, and i still remember getting happy over 10 and 50 fillowers. i'm so glad that people like my content, and i hope i can keep sharing it with you gusy. also remember to take care of yourself and don't pressure yourself into working overtime, you always come first. also never be sad if you don't have a lot of followers!!! literally 10 people is a lot. 20 people is a lot. 2K PEOPEL IS A LOT. if u think about it like all of them r in one room looking at you or your post and liking it then THAT IS A LOT. be proud of your milestones!!!!

idk if any of that made sense but basically if you're looking for likes and shit go to tiktok or instagram. if u want to share love and content wiht a community because creating is something you enjoy and you want to share it with others use tumblr. it's all about making a blog for something you enjoy and utilizing . basically if u also want a place to freak out about yoru interests and have others freak iut about them too then tumblr is the place. i've found that i can post the weirdest shit and only lose a few follwkers. pretty based tbh

sorry if i rambled ily and i hope everything goes well!!!!!! remember to put yourself first❤️

[rasparagus]

the status of and my feelings about this blog

honestly i have been involved in fandom since i was way too young to be on the internet. and i took a break from being super active with fan accounts some years back bc its what was best for me. fast forward to 2021 and becoming a carat is quite literally what got me to start posting and interacting consistently again on tumblr bc the fandom seemed really chill and cool and overall just a nice way to find community, especially during a transition period of my life.

but now i realize why every other day there’s a new creator declaring they need a mental health break lmfao. its cus this shit lowkey sucks. ive barely been active in the community for two months and this is the most stress ive experienced in a fandom. i love being able to chat it up and write fics and read fics but the amount of discourse combined with so many people thinking they know every fucking thing about everything is exhausting. some of yall treat this like a job. i come here to chill but so many people use this community as a way to show how virtuous of a person they are or how witty and sassy they can be with no regard for actual human beings. i think some of yall have been on the internet so long that u have literally forgotten how to interact normally with others, even when they say something u disagree with. not every disagreement is worth some huge moral argument or name-calling session. i dont think its normal that i see a different discourse discussion occur on the timeline every day, all of them met with equal vitriol from the people involved; some things are simply not that serious. maybe if we all take a step back and remember we are people writing fake stories about people we will never meet, then the problems wont seem so big after all. hate to be a hippie but like,,,lets just vibe and treat each other like humans, man~

ofc this isnt about any of my lovely moots xoxo i love yall. but its hard to ignore the discourse that occurs within this fandom. and as someone who does a vast amount of philosophizing in my daily life for school/work/community activism and would truly just like to chill on here, the exaggeration of mild issues stresses me out. im someone who is deeply passionate about politics, social justice, and cultural criticism in day-to-day life (just like a lot of other people who tend to start discourse!). but i also am of the belief that we all need rest, and if our leisure time is plagued by the same seriousness of the “real world” then we’ll never truly get that rest. i fear that in an effort to continue my hobby of writing and interacting with other fans, i will find my mind never truly resting and will be damned to a life where i am convincing myself that i’m having fun when im not. and once again, it should never be that serious.

when i started writing for svt i saw myself being here for a while, and i still really want that. but im barely three (very short) fics in and im already exhausted (and impressed) with how much the fun has been drained out of this fandom for me. i liked it better when all i did was watch gose and gush about vernon to my non carat friends. i really cherish the mutuals ive made and bc of those connections i desire to keep this blog semi-alive. i think it’d be really sad for me to give up on the fandom this early. but this fandom has a level of toxicity that is incredibly anxiety-inducing for me. sure my mental issues are my own and it isnt anyone’s fault, but ive noticed a common trend among other creators as well, so maybe its worth considering the environment we all are fostering. who knows. maybe i need to disappear for a while so i can re-discover the spark that led me to become a svt blog in the first place. this isnt me announcing a formal hiatus or anything. i could be back tomorrow thirsting over mingyu and wanting to write and post a new fic. or it could take me weeks or months to regain the fire that made this fun in the first place. this rant is merely a tired, old (not really) soul expressing their frustrations with a fandom that quite frankly takes itself way too seriously. 

[mothersmalice-a]

get to know the author !

name: rubi! ive had two or three aliases over my time online, rubi's just the one that feels most like second nature to me. i also adore taking to some variations of my tag. ( ie. ivana, ruben, ru, etc. ) preference of communication: im almost always on disc.d ( dearest creature#1962 - feel free, im literally always open to rant about dynamics, ideas n whatnot n id absolutely adore talking to some of you ♡ ), alongside tw.tter, since its easier for me to keep tabs on with mobile. anything ooc is always easier to do with me through either, i hate tumblr ims. most active muse: marisa's been rattling around in my brain for a good while now, and even when im not writing for her ill normally have an idea or two about her simmering. i haven't had this much enjoyment from dissecting and delving into a muse in a very long time, along with the fact my perception of her is always changing with every re-read / rewatch / discussion. bedelia is also always around to me even if im not currently writing her, she's very fun to play off of and even gives me a good grounding point to bounce from if I'm stuck with other muses. experience / how many years: about eight years or so now ? i've always enjoyed writing since i was younger so developing that through my own writing and picking up muses while growing up has been a nice learning journey. platforms you use: tumblr, tw.tter and disc.d. best experience: when my mutuals and i are writing something more prolonged n they come at me with something absolutely devastating. got hit with something someone was brewing for weeks once unknowns to me and oh boy connecting the dots left me a wreck. rp pet peeves: people who create certain muses and expect their dynamic to adhere to your muse without any regard for your portrayal. im always for original muses, but not talking to me first when certain muses of mine just. do not fit certain dynamics is a big no no. fluff, angst or smut: depending on the context i adore fluff and angst equally. i thrive off of writing domestic fluff just as much as i would heartbreak or any other darker subject. i love the bittersweet nature of lyra and marisa's first time bonding or AUs where things are more domestic for them just as much as her reconciliation with asriel, or the intensity of the torture scene with the witches. if it exists and it hurts or its tooth-rottingly sweet i want it all. smut is a sore spot for a few reasons, alongside the fact it just isn't what i care about / have focus on for my writing or my muses, so it would be very, very rare for me to even consider, and even then only ever with close writing partners. long or short replies: it can really depend on the day and what muse im writing. i thrive more with longer replies for characters like marisa, because it's easier for me to find a voice and get into her head. short, bantery replies normally leave me lacking in what i feel a character is like, and shorter comedic interactions just aren't what i'd consider to be my strong suit in writing, so i linger towards longer replies. the biggest thing about long replies is i burn out very easily though, so i try my best to find a middle ground. best time to write: at night, on weekends or early morning before my classes. any time i have to myself where i can just draft things for a little bit, ideally. are you like your muse(s): christ i hope not, im way too sensitive to take to being called moral filth lmfao. i think what's so compelling about marisa is i'd love to inhabit some of her strengths, though. i adore her guile, and her femininity and her ability to take everything head on. she's so unbelievably driven and intelligent in what she does and okay come on im a lesbian why do you think im really here writing for her.

tagged by: @secondbetrayer, @evebeforethefall ( thank you. ♡ ) tagging: @toxicmalicex, @viciousgold, @dustserpent, @mryscross, whoever else sees this and wants to. ♡

[ldobmm]

💕 self-love time! talk about which ones of YOUR creations (edits, artworks, fanfics) you like the most then send to other creators to do the same 💕

Thank you for the ask BBY 🩷 two main things that really make me proud are my OCs and their lore. Specifically…

OC Creation: Vincent Sato

• Ive had Vin for roughly about a year and a half now. He was created just because I wanted a sim, at least one, who was a constant on my page. A sim that people who came on this journey with me could recognize even if they saw them on another blog or something. That was pretty much the basis and it just turned out that it was him! I think I’ve probably tweaked Vin over 100 times. Each tweak was small. A pull or push here and there, diff tattoos, more lashes (mans known for his long lashes), etc. As my sim style changed, certain physical features of his did too. He pretty much still has the essence of his first ever version, but with higher quality! Overall his core has remained the same, he’s the same goofy silly morally gray boy he always has been, and he really is such an important character for me. He started everything for me pretty much on my tumblr and storytelling journey with an actual face I created. Thats my babygirl forever. Ill never not be proud of his creation.

Lore/World: Satoverse mixed w/ 6801verse

• I am by no means the best writer ever, but I must say I have to give myself the biggest pat on the back ever for the Satoverse lore. Its still in creation and is by no means finished. Over the past year and a half I’ve really done well to flesh out the not only the main characters, but side ones in the lore as well to the point where (to me) they feel sentient at times. I can’t say like “IVE GIVEN BLOOD SWEAT AND TEARS ON THIS LORE!” Because I haven’t lmfao. But I attribute that, to it coming super easy to me because of Vincent as a character alone. I created the Satoverse lore based around him as a catalyst for everything, and suddenly everything in the lore was a breathing vessel. He really did make the cogs turn on my creativity and I somehow managed to come up with a very dynamic storyline, by my own standards, that im extremely proud of! Now we have the 6801 verse that im pretty much itching to meld into the main Satoverse storyline cause it would just fit so well and make sense LIKE YALL OUUUU! Just very proud of the storytelling and the people I get to story tell with.

[kentopedia]

I am not jumping up and down at the idea Osamu x Rylie is coming back. No. Who me? Never.

(I love you and Nanami REALLY much but my comfort character is Dazai, and your fics with him really brought me a lot of comfort since you are the only blog who didn't make him cheat, or disrespect too much, which I kinda missed it. BTW I HOPE I DON'T COME OFF AS MEAN OR SOMETHING HERE I JUST LOVE DAZAI AS MUCH AS I LOVE NANAMI kinda miss ya'll together)

Thing is do what you feel comfortable with, and if you feel better on the bsd side of tumblr don't be afraid of making it known, the jjk moots will be understanding, doesn't mean you'll lose them just because of some favoritism, if that's how I should call it (which I don't think but I can't find better words lol). Whatever it is your decision with this blog, just remember you have to feel comfortable with it and if it doesn't start to be comfortable for you anymore, then try to work it differently.

If people like it, then good. If they don't, it's also okay?? Not everything must be appreciated. Idk It's like 4 am here I might be saying bullshit rn 😭😭 moral of the story just do whatever you feel comfortable with in this blog <33

hi !!! sorry for taking so long responding sob but hehe YES !!! osamu & rylie are back >< i’m glad you are excited HHSWHW. i have sooo many ideas that i just haven’t gotten around to bc i’ve been writing so much for nanami, so i’m excited for them! i also want to finish my vampire dazai fic, ive put it off for so long sigh. & no i totally get it, i missed him so much too :((

i really appreciate your support !!! this is so true <3 everyone has been very kind to me about it, so i’m so grateful! i definitely used to alternate between them a lot more, but i feel like i’ve gotten a lot more followers recently so not everyone is as familiar with my bsd work sigh sigh. but i have for sure been feeling better about tumblr since i decided to take a little break from jjk! thank u so much nonnie 🤍 hope you enjoy the dazai works i have soon teheh.

[asflametosmoke]

james farrow analysis (+ oliver and richard as they relate to him)

so last night i stayed up until 2 am messaging with my friend about iwwv, and what is tumblr for if not posting your 2 am ramblings. (i’ve streamlined and expanded on them a bit.)

massive spoilers for the whole book under the cut.

(edit: i realize now that the cut doesn’t show up on mobile, sorry 😬)

part i - james farrow + heroism

james’s casting archetype is the hero/lover/prince, but he actually subverts tropes of traditional heroism/heroic characters.

he doesn’t really have classic heroic traits. he’s not really brave, he’s slight of build, he’s intelligent yet manipulative.

he doesn’t really fall in love with the ingenue, wren. he sleeps with her, but more than anything, he does it to make oliver jealous. and i didn’t read his protectiveness of her as something that comes from a place of romantic love. you’re welcome to disagree, of course, because that’s a bit ambiguous, but most of the squad is protective of wren. james isn’t unique there. we see oliver and even richard, in his own way, feeling protective towards her. it’s not really an indicator that he loved her.

he falls into the trope of the hero killing the tyrant (richard), but it’s not a heroic action when he does it. it’s not a noble slaying. it’s the desperate act of a cornered animal.

he has what you might call a “hero complex”, a need to save and protect everyone. but this backfires hugely. his need to protect wren leads to him going into the woods to find richard, which, as we know, ends up with richard dead in the lake. his need to save oliver (and his own guilt over not having been able to save him) leads to the deterioration of his mental state, even to the point where he feels the need to disappear.

part ii - james farrow + villainy [buckle up, this is a long one]

here’s where it gets interesting. there are a lot of moving parts here:

he says he wants more variety on his resume, to not play heroes and lovers and princes all the time.

in gwedolyn’s class, he says he immerses himself in every character he plays, but can’t always find himself again afterwards.

he gets cast as macbeth.

he gets cast as edmund, the villain in king lear.

over the course of acts iv and v, he goes slightly insane.

james’s casting in the role of macbeth is arguably the inciting incident. it’s the root cause of richard going off the rails. it’s also the first time he plays a villainous character (macbeth is the tragic hero, sure, but when i say “villain” i mean it in the moral sense), and it virtually intoxicates him.

being cast in the role of edmund is not, of course, the only thing wearing on his sanity throughout acts iv and v. but it doesn’t help either. he says, “i want to hurt the whole world.” ultimately, this stems from his trauma from killing richard, but it’s no coincidence that he got himself cast as edmund while in this state. he wants to hurt the whole world, as james, and by immersing himself in edmund, he finds rhyme and reason for it.

not only that, but it’s through edmund and lear in general, through the vessel of villainy and tragedy, that he’s the most honest before his confession. in act v, scene ii, he gets drunk and desperately tries to talk to oliver through lear. there’s a lot to unpack in this scene, but here are some of the highlights:

“they’ll have me whipp’d for speaking true; thou’lt have me whipped for lying, and sometimes i am whipp’d for holding my peace.”

i’ve never read lear, so i can’t contextualize this in the play, but it’s very relevant to james. he’ll be punished (sent to prison) for confessing, but oliver can’t take any more lies.

“‘where is the villain, edmund?’ i asked. he smiled crazily and echoed, ‘“where is the villain, edmund?” a pause for punctuation, yes? but not the playwright’s - commas belong to the compositors. “where is the villain edmund? here, sir, but trouble him not - his wits are gone.”’

james isn’t really talking about edmund here, of course. he’s talking about himself, calling himself a “villain” and admitting he’s gone more than a little crazy with guilt and fear (“his wits are gone.”) he thinks he can’t be saved. but his hero complex and archetype are still important here. he’s been deemed the hero for years, and now all of a sudden he’s committed murder. his complex, his need to save everyone that in part stems from the role he’s been given for his whole career, is at war with his new belief that he himself cannot be saved.

“‘no less than all - and more, much more. the time will bring it out!’ he wrenched his arm away and smoothed the front of his shirt, as if he were trying to wipe his hands clean. ‘some blood drawn on me would beget opinion / of my more fierce endeavor.’”

clearly, this is a reference to richard’s death. james knows he’s running out of time, and soon enough his secret will be revealed one way or another. it also shows his guilt: he’s trying to “wipe his hands clean”, presumably of figurative blood, and he thinks he deserves to be hurt for his “more fierce endeavor” e.g. killing richard.

part iii - james + richard + oliver + royalty

princes fall into james’s archetype along with heroes and lovers.

kings fall into richard’s archetype along with tyrants and conquerors.

in the woods, richard repeatedly calls james “little prince”, placing james “below” richard in both literal and figurative stature.

after james’s confession, oliver says “worthy prince, i know’t” to him onstage even though he’s supposed to say that line to camilo.

he’s reclaiming the word from richard, in a sense, and telling james that no matter what he’s done, he’s still a “worthy prince”. he means everything to oliver despite the fact that he’s a murderer, and despite the fact that he himself doesn’t believe he’s noble anymore (though he desperately wants to be). it’s quite literally a love language for oliver, and perhaps the closest he comes to a declaration of love.

part iv - james + richard + oliver + the water [this is also a long one]

richard wants to see james drowned, and oliver is the only one preventing this.

the first appearance of this motif is on halloween, when richard tries to drown james in the lake.

this foreshadows james’s eventual fate. whether or not he truly drowned in the end is, of course, a point of contention. for the purposes of this analysis, i won’t take a position on whether or not james is alive, and i will address it with the same ambiguity that canon gives it. however, regardless of whether or not james is alive by the end, it’s undeniable that he went under the water, and in a sense, it was richard that dragged him under. filippa says, “it was the guilt, oliver.” and once oliver isn’t there to comfort him, enable the two of them to forget richard for a little while, it’s only a matter of time before his guilt weighs him down so much that he feels the need to disappear from his own life. even if he’s not dead, he’s certainly not james farrow anymore, wherever he might be.

james reveals that richard kept pushing him towards the dock. it’s unclear if he really intended to drown james or even push him in the water, but it’s not unlikely that this was his intention.

in the dock scene (act iii, scene i), james tries to dive into the water to save richard’s life, and oliver stops him. but oliver goes into the water himself in that scene (to make sure richard’s dead before they call the police). this parallels how in the end, oliver will turn himself in and falsely confess to save james.

finally, there’s the epilogue. when filippa tells oliver “james is gone”, oliver sees richard’s ghost again. “there he sits, in lounging, leonine arrogance. he watches me with a razor-thin smile and i realize that this is it - the denouement, the counterstroke, the end-all he was waiting for. he lingers only long enough for me to see the gleam of triumph in his half-lidded eyes; then he, too, is gone.”

this is the confirmation: from oliver’s perspective, at least, richard has always, always wanted to drown james. it was certainly his intention at halloween. while to us, it’s unclear whether or not that was his intention at the dock, oliver believes it was. so he sees richard’s ghost again and gets a final confirmation of what he’s always believed. richard, as oliver sees him, is finally satisfied.

but we’re not done. how could i be, without addressing the pericles in the room?

disclaimer: i’ve never read pericles, so as with lear, i’m not going to contextualize the monologue contained in james’s “suicide note” in the play as a whole. that’s a separate analysis, albeit an interesting one i’m sure, for someone with more shakespeare knowledge than me. (although i have read caesar, so i might analyze iwwv and caesar some time in the future.)

“alas, the sea hath cast me on the rock / wash’d me from shore to shore, and left me breath / nothing to think on but ensuing death.”

right from the outset, we see that james might be alive. he’s been “wash’d [...] from shore to shore, and left [...] breath”. the water has transformed him (to use a christian metaphor, almost like a kind of baptism. i think. i’m Extremely jewish so i might be using that wrong.) but not necessarily killed him.

death consumes james’s thoughts, and it likely has since he killed richard seven years earlier.

“what i have been i have forgot to know; / but what i am, want teaches me to think on: / a man throng’d up with cold: my veins are chill, / and have no more of life than may suffice / to give my tongue that heat to ask your help; which if you shall refuse, when i am dead, / for that i am a man, pray see me buried.”

all the life has slowly been sucked out of him since he killed richard to the point where he’s little more than a shell of a man by 2004, so he decides to disappear into the water. again, whether or not he’s dead, he’s clearly not living the life of james farrow anymore, wherever he may be. so he’s disappeared. he may not be dead, but james farrow, the identity if not the man, did drown in that freezing water.

and yet, he has just enough of a will to live, just enough of a desire to be known (and perhaps loved) that he writes this note and puts oliver’s name on the envelope. he’s not ready to drown just yet. maybe the water didn’t care and drowned him anyway. but maybe, just maybe, it saved him.

part v - conclusion/author’s notes

if you stuck around all the way here, to the end, wow. thanks for suffering through my ramblings. seriously, thank you. and congratulations i guess.

i tried to write a tl;dr, i’m sorry, i failed. i know my strengths, and conciseness isn’t one of them.

i do wanna say this, though: james farrow is not a good person. neither is he a bad person. iwwv does not deal in moral absolutes, or really any absolutes at all. and i do feel like we as a reader base and fanbase don’t always do the best job at acknowledging james’s moral complexity. (or oliver’s, or meredith’s, but that’s another post for another time.) this is not a direct callout to anyone in particular, nor is it an attack. it’s really just meant to be food for thought.

[garrothromeave]

the hell is mystreet season 6??

(warning, long post ahead)

ok so before i start this

1) ive never posted shiiiit on tumblr before so watch me suffer, im just here to talk about stuff that my friends who dont know anything about aphmau have to listen to me rant about for hours on end

2) i havent seen mystreet in like years (except season 3, i watch that frequently since im laurance and shadow knight deprived) so please bear with me because i might be completely wrong on this lol. it’s just like, pointing out things i remember

3) im sure someones already talked about this but who cares

4) im gonna do this stupid thing where i just explain myself a bit at first, if you dont want to read that just skip to the part where you see “the actual thingy:” in bold and italics 

5) mild disclaimer; i am completely aware that jessica is not a professional writer. i know that she did her best to appeal to her fans, and honestly, respect for that. while this post will come off as aggressive and probably look like hate, that’s not my intention in the slightest. it’s just... intense criticism. im sure y’all probably already know that, but yeah, just stating that anyways. i do believe that jess is doing her best, and in no way do i want to dismiss any hard work she’s done. that being said; prepare for a very strongly opinionated post.

haha watch there be 10000+ typos in this making me look like a complete dumbass

ok here we go 

one of the main reasons i stopped watching aphmau back in 2017 was the mess that was season 4. like, in the first few episodes of the emerald secret, i thought “woah!! this is kinda cool, im a sucker for mystery!” because of course i was, it was something new and something exciting. the only problem i had with it at the time was kim, but that’s just because i always found her annoying and out of place. i just didn’t understand why garroth dragged her along and honestly i still don’t to this day BUT, moving on.

anyways, as the season progressed, 13 year old me was of course just “:0!!” the entire time--that is, up until the reveal of the main villain. i remember watching the episode, seeing the reveal of ein, and then stopping. like, just for a quick break, but i was still just overwhelmingly disappointed. like, and this was the time when pdh was airing and ein just got made alpha (i think?) and i had really really liked eins character in pdh. either way, that really sucked and actually opened my eyes to a lot of things.

one of the main things bein’ the fact that this was supposed to be a slice of life kinda series that decided to take a turn to a more edgy kinda approach. which, i guess i regularly wouldnt mind? but seeing as mcd was kinda bein neglected at the time it just didnt sit right with me. BUT WHATEVER, point is i stopped watching mystreet all together at the end of season 4.

like, a whole year later my brother tells me that shit’s getting intense in season 5 + 6 of mystreet, and my brilliant self decided to give it a shot--but i refused to watch all of season 5, so i only stepped in when ein made an appearance. so whenever that was, that’s where i picked up because i didnt care enough to see 

and y’know--i honestly didn’t hate it at first. in fact, i found it oddly cool. it wasn’t enough to get me into aphmau again, but it was enough to where i was intrigued. i dont know why, but i never watched the finale, so i didnt see the ending until just a few weeks ago--but back then, i thought it was neat. looking back on it however... im just so confused. 

side note: only got back into aphmau this time around because of mcd. mainly because like, i adore the first season and the first half of the second season. and being nearly 18 now, im a lot more appreciative of plot and well-written characters n junk. 

the actual thingy:

ok back on track. imma stop spilling out my story of how i got back into aphmau, and lets just skip to what rewatching mcd made me realize of season 6′s plot and shit:

-emmalyn. how the fuck does ghost even remotely exist? if she’s emmalyn as claimed, then why have we already seen emmalyn in the mystreet universe alive? look i get that creators can do whatever they want with their stories but at the same time please provide some sort of explanation good god. and maybe they did and i just havent seen it, so if there is one--let me know. but until that day imma just sit here confused as fuck

-ok so imma just be real, the whole ‘ultima’ thing is just... not great. in my opinion, anyways. like... i saw someone mention this in another post, but if this ultima stuff was like, a really big deal, why isnt it mentioned in mcd? though i suppose since its a curse of sorts, it could be later on past the time period in which mcd takes place--but even then, how did it manage to make its way into aaron’s family bloodline? 

-WHY IS EVERYONE AT STARLIGHT ITS JUST SO CONVINIENT like what happened to this place being the most expensive shit on the planet or whatever, and how the gang happens to run into like, the werewolf trio and blaze and kai and guy and nate all of these people like god damn life doesnt WORK LIKE THAT 

-im sorry but turning people into relics? thats... thats the best you could come up with? plus, like, how does that even work? in mcd it’s established that relics are separate entitles that choose their wielder, based on a ‘personal’ connection (being a descendent of a previous wielder) or if they’re a good match personality and (i think?) moral wise. so the whole turning-people-into-relics doesnt make much sense to be honest. 

-irene really over here using her god powers to only keep her friends alive like god damn not a great god if you ask me 

-can i talk about how incredibly predictable aphmaus death was? like i just kinda sat there waiting for it to happen and when it did i literally went “haha! wonder when she’ll be revived” because god forbid we actually kill off characters 

-when aphmau + demon warlock fought in the irene dimension there was no passage of time whatsoever in the real world whiiiiiiiiich really bothers me because they fought in there for at least a few minutes

-speaking of aphmau and the demon warlocks fight does it bother anyone else that it had to be aaron who took over the fight?? like we get it hes the big protector blah blah blah but god damn it wouldve been cooler if aphmau had fought this battle as her. aaron fighting this battle was so underwhelming

-...love. like, thats the only thing thats needed to break out of a forever potion? love? LIKE YEAH, GOOD GUYS GOTTA WIN SOMEHOW, but its just so cliche and overdoneeee

-oh yeah and also when travis went bonkers and became the demon warlock or whatever, why’d he only take over katelyn and garroth?? like, zane had been influenced by the potions in the past as well? DONT GET ME WRONG--i do love some good brother edge, but uh, the demon warlock was just bein kinda a dumbass by not possessing zane too just sayin’

-can aaron please go to fucking jail for mass murder now like holy shit, he just got sent home on a fuckin boat. also why did blaze forgive him for killing him thats not even remotely realistic. then again, nothing in mystreet has ever been realistic when it comes to characters and motives and personalities, (cough katelyn being actually abusive and travis being an actual pervert) but yknow whatever

-katelyn and kawaii chan literally added nothing to the plot whatsoever. like lets be real, katelyn lost her personality the moment season 5 started and kawaii chan just kinda sits there :I

-ok im sorry this was bound to come up but cmon guys imagine laurances potential if he was in season 6 like god damn this is beyond maddening. AND YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A REALLY REALLY COOL PARRALLEL?? IF IT WAS LAURANCE WHO SNAPPED GARROTH OUT OF HIS MIND CONTROL THING, because it would mimic laurance’s speech to get garroth to snap out of his rage in season 1, episode 100 of minecraft diaries. like how fuckin rad would that have been? missed opportunity 

-also?? why does kim/ghost know magicks?? like, if i remember correctly, emmalyn is a scholar--not someone who knew magicks. i mean, i guess research? study?? but its been established that knowing how magicks works =/= being able to use magicks. i dunno, just doesnt seem right i guess. maybe its explained, i wouldnt know (yes i know that makes me look like a dick leave me alone)

-melissa should have stayed dead. LIKE, NO, ITS NOT AS SIMPLE AS “haha it takes more than a few bullets to kill me”??? look ive got nothing wrong with melissa (cough lie cough) but yknow it would have just been cool a character... stay dead? for once? its just too fuckin cliche that shes alive god damn

-can i also just say the only good thing that came out of season 6 was travis’ dads sacrifice like damn that made me actually sad

-howww was lucinda turned into a relic. or yknow, anyone else? like im sure they explain it better in the actual show i just dont remember, but its just that easy? turning anyone into a relic? granted, a normal person wouldnt be able to produce a good relic, but idk man. IM JUST SAYING; that the only really powerful relics that aphmau should have been able to wield is the one that aaron + zane produced because shad relic and esmund relic moment. lucinda isnt even like, connected to a divine warrior. ALSO, another point, if its seriously that powerful of a relic getting one from just a magic user like lucinda, why go through the trouble? i mean i guess ofc youd want the “all powerful” one that the ultima produces but i mean damn whats the point

-ok this is just going to bother me but in one of the episodes (i think might have been in season 5 actually) where that like, guardian dude was chasing aphmau and zane and at one point they split up and the dude just chuckles at zane diverting paths and goes under his breath “youre not the important one here”, suggesting that aphmau somehow is? first of all, id argue that any ro’meave is significantly more important than aphmau was, especially not knowing much about her other than that shes with aaron. i might be missing some bits an pieces, but if i was that dude id forget about aphmau and go after zane 

-killing off derek for shock factor sucked, and i know the moment was supposed to be really sad because like “oh :( aarons dad is sacrificing himself for his son” but lets be real dereks still was a shitty father and i dont think his reasons for doing what he did was very good at all

-less about plot or more like: why the absolute fuck did the gang bring kim along instead of, oh i dont know, a life-long friend? like, laurance or dante maybe?? im sure its explained, i never saw aphmaus year or most of season 5, but god DAMN id hate to be apart of this friend group AND GOD LIKE, imagine reconnecting with an old friend who ends up getting closer to your best friends and taking priority in their lives over you (cough laurance) like god damn lol

-im just going to preface this one with: i dont remember everything that’s happened, so if im wrong i apologize in advance--but (you actually can correct me if im wrong and please do) didnt like, irene reincarnate her friends in order to give them better lives? I DONT KNOW IF THIS IS TRUE, ITS JUST WHAT I REMEMBER--however, if im correct, then:

a. why the hell would she bring back someone like zane, or gene, or ivy, etc.

b. why the hell do they all have the same exact names? first and last? again, im aware that the whole mystreet+mcd tie wasn’t originally supposed to be there, but i dont think that means such a coincidence can be excused? its just a bit much if you ask me.

c. why the hell is the fact that (as much as i literally hate this) aaron is a decedent of shad being ignored? like, you’d think that something like this would be something thats actually important, or something the demon warlock couldve taken advantage of. or are we completely erasing every other connections to divine warriors besides aphmau + irene? because even if irene did reincarnate them or do whatever it is she did, does she even have the power to sever the connections between them and their ancestors? my guess is, no.

d. speaking of irene why on earth was aphmau able to talk to/see irene, they’re literally the same person are they not? did she like, fuckin reincarnate herself without actually doing it?? BUT--i will give it to them, the demon warlock did refer to aphmau as something along the lines of being “one of the 3 parts of her broken soul” or something like that. however, my point still remains. also what are the other two did i miss that or is it never explained

now; if irene in fact did not ‘reincarnate’ her friends then please ignore that little bit right there :)

but yes, those are a few of the problems i have with season 6 off the top of my head. i would go into like, season 4 and 5 more as well, but i honestly didnt feel like it. at some point i might go into other things, like how important laurance could have been to the plot of these later seasons, or HELL, even dante. i might also go into what could have made season 4, 5, and 6 actually good--maybe... a rewrite? perhaps? but im getting too far ahead of myself, so i just leave you with this for now.

and i know that as soon as i post this 15 more things are just going to pop into my head BUT im going to try and not edit this post because why stress myself with that even more

anyways thank you for coming to my tedtalk 

[onewomancitadel]

Im the one who asked about cinder being redeemed just now. I will confess I am a broken person who sees a bit of himself in Cinder. I asked it that way because I was feeling bitter from hearing people say she deserves to be killed and die in the worst way. Maybe it should not get to me but it does. Ive never been on here before but I wanted to hear what another knightfall fan had to say. I was not disappointed. Thank you.

Anon response to this ask and reply.

Hi anon, it's good to hear from you again. Yes, based on the tone and wording of the ask it sounded like you agreed with the statements you were proposing but I did suspect there may have been more motivating it so I tried to treat it with both motivations in mind.

To me Knightfall and Cindemption are inseparable so based on the context of the ask it also seemed like you hadn't read my bio or checked the pinned post or tags on The Distance Which Fools the Skimming Eye if you came from there. That's a general courtesy expected on Tumblr especially seeking someone's opinion.

I wasn't sure if it were in fact a troll ask of some type trying to stir trouble lol.

With that out of the way, I think those people who say that about Cinder are chiefly narratively ignorant and seeking for stories to be about good and bad and validating that they themselves are good.

Sympathetic bad characters, especially traumatised bad characters, are threatening. They're threatening to a binary worldview and easy answer (kill bad guy, win!!!!) and they're threatening because vulnerability is threatening.

Add in those issues I discussed in the original post and you have a lot of trouble.

I don't think that their worldview is being catered to in RWBY, because I think the Atlas arc was supposed to directly undermine this reductive style of storytelling 'analysis'. That was why Ironwood was the villain. Wrong genre, wrong worldview. He's a clash with the fairytale/narrative morality, who thinks putting Cinder in jail or killing her is the natural solution, the same as Tyrian. Tyrian, who happens to break out from his chains and kill Clover.

If you literally make your main villain of a significant arc of the story basically a mouthpiece for people who think Cinder deserves to die for being a baddie and fucked up then you're making some sort of meaningful thematic statement about what solutions RWBY is interested in.

It's the same as Roman dying by the words he lived by: a Grimm out of nowhere eats him. It's nihilistic and not interesting, but you can demonstrate that with a minor antagonist. (I also love that a Grimm protects and saves Ruby, but that's another topic).

However I do think that whilst seeing yourself in a story is very powerful and being moved by a story is very powerful, you're setting yourself up for a world of hurt inserting yourself too deeply. I do however agree the surrounding discourse is very harmful. But whatever happens with Cinder's story is not an indictment on you or other hurt people.

As a profoundly mentally ill and damaged individual, that personal distance - for me - is necessary to maintain, however much I resonate with themes of redemption and forgiveness and sorrow. Stories, to me, are doors, not mirrors.

So it may be helpful for you to practise some distance from the way people talk about Cinder (physical and mental, perhaps). It was extremely difficult for me being on Twitter after The Rise of Skywalker due to the ableist discourse surrounding mental illness and Kylo Ren's character. There was one which really affected me for a long time I don't even want to repeat because it was so sickening. But somehow Kylo Ren is worse for you than that.

I don't think I'm quite saying don't let stories move you - let them move you, I know I'm very attached to stories. But with some distance I don't let my sad girl feelings get in the way of instead identifying fundamental misunderstandings of basic storytelling.

The thing is that misunderstanding stories and misunderstanding redemption arcs and character transformation isn't just rooted in a worldview I disagree with, it's rooted in bad technical assumptions. It's mechanically poor. It's anti-story.

There's an issue with it morally, but equally there's an issue with it in just the way stories are told. I feel like the latter is something I can address better. Especially as it's something very currently culturally contingent upon Western media criticism spheres, as opposed to arguing about like, human good and evil and ethics.

I am glad I did not disappoint - I'm a show pony - but it was very troubling to receive such an ask in my box, especially with the provided context it seemed like you were a member of the group you were criticising. It was fun on my part to fully lay out my beliefs on redemption arcs, at least.

But in future it can be more helpful for me to be provided with a little more context and what you said about damaged people was very cruel. But but I understand that it sounds like you are very hurt and upset and the discourse surrounding Cinder has got to you so that is worrying. But but but what you say also has consequences for other people, I had to read what you sent and it was hurtful.

I hope you are ok and make sure to look after yourself and don't listen to the silly people online. Find your bliss. If I were you, I would ask myself what's interesting about Cinder's redemption and the Knightfall romance and what resonates with you. Don't worry about what other people think, what's the bit that makes you stay interested despite your personal pain and what people say?

Have a good day and take care.

[carcinized]

Hey hey hey I don’t have Tumblr BUT I saw your post about C!Tubbo dissociation headcanons and here I am, asking for them. And possibly more C!Tubbo headcanons. Preferably angsty. Just. Any of them. Please. Thank you.

oh, a fellow starved c!tubbo enthusiast. hello there, i do have some headcannons to spare luckily, hope you enjoy!! mostly this is the dissociation ones but i have some miscellaneous ones & songs at the end for you :]

so obviously uhhh tw for dissociation/depersonalisation/derealisation in this post!!! also going to put them under the cut bc this is long lmao

oh and disclaimer: this is very much based off my own experiences with (near constant) chronic dissociation so it might be different from other experiences!! yeah.

oh ALSO this is disorganized and probably missing stuff because i am going through a bad bout of spaciness as of right now, so apologies if anything is confusing, feel free to ask for clarification!

idk background timeline stuff so it fits into the story

at first he didn’t even realize he felt disconnected from things. it started off as a coping mechanism during combat and felt so similar to the feeling of being “in the zone” he’d known before that he didn’t question it

after a bit, it spread from only being there during battle to during conflict in general. still, he didn’t mind it—it actually made arguments more bearable because they felt almost secondhand.

eventually he came to use it as a crutch so much that it became constant.

that was when he started wanting it to go away.

and then because i can’t bear to give my precious c!tubbo constant dissociation he probably gets breaks from it sometimes idk lmao

his experiences:

gaps in memory

auditory processing issues

lots of depersonalisation and not recognizing himself in the mirror (which is even more fun/terrifying if you add in shapeshifter headcannons)

a lot of the time he feels like his actions aren’t his, which helped him to feel less bad doing morally ambiguous things (spying, exiling tommy, hunting technoblade, etc)

after it all he was left with near constant dissociation almost all the time.

it nearly always feels like the world is secondhand to him and he has no control/impact (ironic considering the power he has, and he knows that, but)

often wonders if he is dreaming and just waiting to wake up from a coma he’d gotten from one of his many battles.

when things get really bad he wishes he could just wake up from it.

often doesn’t recognize his hands looking down at them, especially with the burns he has now. they’re not his hands, right? but they are. they’re his hands. huh.

uhhh examples of where it could have been shown in plot if you squint lol

for example, that famous clip of him dancing while wilbur and tommy argue in the background would be a physical representation of him zoning out (dissociating) to get out of/away from an argument.

the whole yes man thing could have either been an auditory processing issue where he replied yes to wilbur without hearing what wilbur had asked OR a gap in memory where he didn’t remember telling tommy the opposite

he pulled away for like 5 months into snowchester and talked to hardly anyone but his husband and son. dissociation is hard to interact with people during because you feel so isolated for so many reasons—sometimes you feel you’re the only real thing there, sometimes it feels there’s a glass wall between you and everything else that IS real. and even ignoring that, most people can’t relate to feeling that way, leaving you even more alone. he could have pulled away because it was too much too keep going through that (i did that don’t recommend it tubbo JSJD)

miscellaneous headcannons that i don’t see very often:

after winning a battle, his instinct is to play a disc and look out at the sunset because that’s what he and tommy always did (see his lore yesterday (june 18th)—he did it with ranboo despite tommy not being there)

i’m rather fond of my original-l’manberg-citizens-consider-haircuts-and-fixing-up-appearances-affectionate-because-wilbur-did-it headcannon so i’ll add that here—basically wilbur gave everyone military cuts and new suits and everything. and while that was just for war, it was also because he cared about all of them. ever since, they all considered fixing up someone’s appearance an act of love.

tubbo refused to let anyone cut his hair after the red festival, not trusting anyone. he would probably let ranboo do it now, only he’s rather attached to the way it hides his burns and some of his horns and keeps him warm in the freezing snow.

he builds walls like how tommy builds cobblestone towers—a reflex, a coping mechanism, a habit. he built the l’manberg walls and ever since the defense has been second nature, whether for the best or the worst.

ive been waiting forever to share these i have way too many. i pass the hours staring out the window listening to misterwives and imagining c!tubbo animatics to it and now i have a chance to share them oh my god

so without further ado,

c!tubbo animatics i have in my head:

whywhywhy by misterwives: ok this one isn’t chalked out but it has him vibes

alone by misterwives: just him and ranboo. figuring things out. helping each other heal. i legitimately have an entire animatic in my head to this lyric by lyric and could make a fucking storyboard for it if only i could draw. if anyone wants me to write out lyric by lyric what it WOULD be though feel free to send an ask aHAHHAHAHA

over the rainbow by misterwives: a montage of c!tubbo just. finally going apeshit. that would be so cathartic alright and it’s such a badass song he deserves it

it’s my turn by misterwives: pretty much any times that tubbo finally got to do something back at someone who wronged him—the butcher army going after technoblade, him yelling at quackity about borders saying “well don’t i get to put my foot down too?” the lyrics “i know you’ve got your version of the story, i’m sick of saying sorry, i’m sick of always having to explain” during his spy arc PLEASE he had to justify everything he did and the “are you happier?” comment and schlatt breathing down his neck aAAAA give my boy a break (also the instrumental uses a lemon demon-type sound which makes me think of ranboo so i love imagining a cool bee dup building the outpost montage there snhshagahffn)

find my way home by misterwives: idk the vibes just fit man

oxygen by misterwives: hhhrnggg clingy duo angst oW

i did say i spend a lot of my time listening to misterwives and daydreaming c!tubbo animatics didn’t i?

anyways yeah. here’s some c!tubbo content to help us poor starved c!tubbo enthusiasts :’D also misterwives propaganda go listen to them female led band with a fucking badass lead singer with banger songs and incredible vocals and lyrics ANYWAY

[lady-of-disdain]

Someone mentioned it here on Tumblr, but when I spoke to my friend a while ago about the problematic ship that is S/r, she mentioned that Rin is only popular because she has no personality, and these basic bitches want to live out their fantasies of being with a non-fictional character ... by self inserting their blandness....and to a point that they overlook morals and the protection of children :(

Also, this is my hot take, incest shipping is highly wild to me and upthere with the p3d0 /gr00m shit...I get they're fictional characters, but it boarders CSA. i am sorry, this is my opinion, Ive seen folks on here ship it (not anyone I follow )

Another note!! Last time I went to the animate shop in Shibuya, there was zero Yashahime merch :( This is like the biggest anime shop that all people go to shop for the most recent merchandise on recent series. I havent checked the animate website (Animate is like the official anime store in Japan.)

Sunrise is basically dragging a dead horse that they have no choice but to hang on to because they invested a lot of money in it.

Why else would it have two seasons? I am thinking they thought people would accept this and they thought it was a good idea, so they green lighted 2 fucking seasons. Only to realize no one wanted this shit except for the loud ass disturbed individuals who have ruined this fandom :(

Bruh, they even had Banana Fish merch.....Banana Fish premiered a while ago, why are they selling merch there? I just want Yashahime to end already :(

Let's celebrate on the last idea, because has been dragged far too long

Me waiting for this show to finally die so I can dance on it's grave:

[uncloseted]

i related to effy an unhealthy amount when i was only 13 when i first watched it, but at the time i wasnt doing drugs, homewrecking, doing anything that young lol. however i was extremely mentally ill but undiagnosed, and so confused but i found solace in effys character because of how similar i felt to her. flashforward to being 20 now and im a nic addict/borderline drug and alcohol addict that forgets to take my prescribed antidepressants and antipsychotics. i cant tell you how many events of effys life have mirrored mine now 7 years later, both the pretty but mostly the ugly. it all feels like a joke to me, and the thing is of course it wasnt effy the fictional character that did this to me, it was the fact that i was genetically and epically set up to do this to me for as long as i existed and i saw myself in her too young. everyone ive ever met and started to befriend has fallen in love with me, has found me beautiful, and then seen my flaws and hated me even if they didnt tell me to my face. ive been a horrible friend and partner and im flighty and unreliable and destructive. i never saw effy, or a person like effy, find a happy ending and im afraid even when im at my manic highs i will never find a lasting happiness and will always accidentally self sabotage until i die. what im trying to ask is, how can i save me? i know its dumb to ask a random tumblr user but ive been following this blog since i was 13-14 and since you know effy through and through, you might know a little about me. its a long shot. (i’d also like to say this isnt a cry for help and im safe/not actively suicidal so i dont want you to feel like theres any pressure like that, but i did use this ask box as a free therapy session.)

I'm a bit biased, but I don't think there's anything wrong with asking a random Tumblr user at all. I'm happy to be a free therapy session when you need one, and I'm really touched that you've trusted me with your thoughts and feelings for so long. Hopefully I've been some help over the years 😆

Coping with mental illness can be really, really hard, but the good news is that with the right tools and support system, you can absolutely recover. It sounds like you already have a psychiatrist in your life, which is a great start. If you've having trouble remembering to take your medication, it might help to set calendar reminders on your phone, set up text prompts to remind you to take your pills, to link taking your pills with something else you do every day (like brushing your teeth or eating breakfast), or to reward yourself for taking your medication (for example, putting a piece of candy in your pill box that you can eat after taking your pill).

If you don't have one already, a therapist might also be a good idea. It can take a while to find the right therapist for you, so schedule a few appointments and see which therapist you "click" with. A therapist can help you work through any reluctance you might have towards taking you medications, as well as helping you come up with day to day strategies that help you achieve your goals and helping you work through the beliefs that you hold about yourself and the world that may be holding you back.

Moving on to talking about addiction for a bit. I strongly believe that addiction doesn't come from some type of inherent lack of willpower or moral failing, or even really the drug itself. It's the need to escape reality. And that's actually supported by scientific literature; most famously, the Rat Park experiment by Bruce K Alexander. Practically, we've seen that same thing in the aftermath of Portugal's decision to decriminalize all drugs. They took the money they were using to keep drug users in prison, and instead invested that money into reconnecting people who struggle with addiction to society. Their goal was to make sure that every person who struggles with addiction has a reason to get up in the morning and has a support system within the wider society. And it actually worked- injection drug use is down 50%, overdoses and HIV infections have massively decreased, and rates of addiction decreased as well. It's much easier to quit when you have something motivating you to keep going.

Why am I telling you all of this? I guess what I'm trying to get at is in order to recover from addiction, I think first people need to understand what the reality is that they're trying to escape. What can be done about those issues? Who's in your corner trying to support you, even if they're not doing the best job at it? Where else can you get the social support you might need? What are you passionate about? What would make it feel worth it to get up in the morning? I think instead of focusing on the drugs, or the alcohol, or the cigarettes, maybe we should focus on solving the root problems that make those attractive options. That's one of the reasons a therapist is a really good idea; they can help you figure out what those root problems are, and provide resources and tools to help you fix those problems.

In terms of practical, do it yourself advice for dealing with addiction, there are a couple things you might try. I did a whole post on evidence-based ways to set goals and follow through on them here, so I won't rehash it in this post, but basically:

Try to set goals that are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time bound. For you, this might be something like "My goal is to have only one drink a day (measurable and achievable) for week (time bound) so that I can be more reliable for my friends (relevant)".

Instead of trying to quit something, replace it with something else. For example, "when I feel like smoking, I'm going to do ten minutes of learning Korean instead". Learning something new is easier and more exciting, and so new habits are easier to maintain that breaking old ones. Find a new hobby that you've always wanted to do or that's exciting to you, and try to focus your energies on that to distract yourself.

Identify any obstacles (such as environmental triggers) that you might run into, and develop contingency plans for working around them. This might be something like, "when I drink coffee in the morning, I want to smoke, so I'm going to switch to tea instead." If you can, get rid of all environmental triggers that might remind you of your addiction or trigger a craving.

Get someone else involved. Tell a friend about your goal and have them check up on you. Your fear of disappointing them will help you stay on track.

Put money on the line. Give money to a friend with the understanding that you'll get it back at a set date if you've achieved the goal you set. Tell your friend that if you fail, they should donate the money to a group or cause you really hate.

Write down the reasons you want to quit, and put them somewhere you know you'll see them. Whenever you want to engage in an addiction behavior, read through that list first.

For bonus points, add to that list your contingency plan for when you want to engage in an addiction behavior. These may include ways to redirect your attention or distract yourself until the craving passes.

76% of people who wrote down their goals, actions and provided weekly progress to a friend successfully achieved their goals.

You might also try an addiction recovery app, such as these, or doing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy worksheets on your own if you can't access a therapist right now.

There are also some things you can try in order to improve your mood. As much as I hate that this is true, consistent exercise has a huge impact on mood. If you can, try taking a 20 minute walk outside, 3 times a week. Other (boring) things, like making sure you're getting 7-9 hours of sleep a night and eating regularly, can also make a big difference in mood. Some of you might know that I'm a little bit obsessed with the free Coursera class "The Science of Well-Being". It has a lot of great evidence-based tips and tricks for how to build happiness, and I highly recommend it if you're trying to live a happier life. These include things like journaling, meditating, noting things that you're grateful for, helping other people, and having regular social interactions.

Finally, a few philosophical thoughts. One of the Four Noble Truths in Buddhism is dukkha. Basically, this is the idea that suffering is an innate characteristic of existence in our world. When I was younger, I never liked this concept, but I think now I kind of get it. It's impossible to be happy 100% of the time, and that shouldn't be our goal. Suffering is the comparison by which our lives gain meaning. But we can do our best to minimize our suffering and the suffering of others, and ride the wave of suffering when it does come. And each time we ride that wave, we can learn techniques to manage it a little bit better, and to make it easier the next time. We will sometimes sabotage ourselves out of fear, but we can learn how to do it less frequently and for the consequences to be less dire. We can learn how to forgive ourselves for our flaws and what we've done in the past, and learn from those mistakes so we don't do them again in the future. It's also okay to backslide, to struggle even after you've made progress. You're never back where you started, because you've always learned more and experienced more.

I know I've thrown kind of a lot at you in this post, and I don't expect you to try all of it or for all of it to work, but hopefully something in there is helpful to you. You can get through this. You can save yourself, but please, also remember to let others help save you. You don't need to do this on your own. And just like I have been since you were 13, I'm always here to give a free therapy session and to lend my support ❤️❤️❤️