#the numbers are blocked out because they’re not official

[swordy-da-goat]

(last ask for a while bc I feel like I'm nagging you sorryy)

I thought road wiz was like an scp, and now we have hazard monster.

Anyway I wonder how either of them would react to being treated like scps? Hazard would be a keter for sure.

Also if you made a road wiz plush I'd 100% buy it I love him sm

got carried away my bad

The Road Wiz

Item# : SCP-████

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: Contained within a Standard Secure Humanoid Containment Cell in ██████, Sector-██ at Site-██. SCP-████ will often teleport out of their containment cell for an unprecedented amount of time before teleporting back. They are allowed to freely walk around the foundation as their skills and “magic” are very useful in securing anomalies, reducing injuries and casualties, and dealing with containment breaches.

Description: A humanoid entity (hard to distinguish if SCP-████ is a human or some other entity due to their hat and scarf obscuring facial view. Request to remove hat was met with opposition) wearing a hat resembling an orange traffic cone with one big and small white, reflective stripes, an orange safety vest with a long cloak attached from the backend, a yellow and black safety coverall, and long black leather and rubber gloves and boots.

SCP-████ is also in possession of a long black staff with a ring on the tip of unknown material. This staff is able to produced anomalous properties which can be better described as “magic.” Their “magic” seems to be a parody of signs, spells being correlated by the top of their staff in a hologram visual. One example being the staff projecting a deer sign when generating a glowing holographic version with mass of any of the Cervidae family.

Addendum 1: Discovery

SCP-████ was first captured near American state highway ██. The foundation was alerted when nearby police claimed that quote, “a portal just f█cking opened in the middle of the lobby where then a weirdly dressed guy wearing a cone on their head kicked a guy through saying to arrest him for drunk driving.” All personnel in the police station were given Class A amnestics. Foundation personnel were then deployed to the last place SCP-████ was spotted. Foundation were able to find SCP-████ feeding some stray dogs under American state highway ██. SCP-████ willingly agreed to come with the foundation for questioning.

Addendum 2: Interview

The following interview was conducted by Dr. Richards

Dr. Richards: Good afternoon SCP-████, I hope you’re feeling comfortable right now.

SCP-████: No, no, I’m fine thank you. Though I would prefer if you addressed me by “Road Wizard” or just “Wiz.” SCP-████ sounds a bit degrading.

Dr. Richards: …Noted. Anyways the foundation would like to ask you questions regarding your… job.

SCP-████: My job! Well you see Dr., as my name suggests, I am a wizard. My job is simply to keep everyone safe and responsible. The world is a very dangerous place, you SCP foundation folks would know that better than anyone about that fact!

Dr. Richards: You know of the SCP foundation?

SCP-████: Of course I do! Very big fan of your work! Trying to keep the everyone safe from all these dangerous anomalies. Kudos to you guys, kudos!

Dr. Richards: Uh, thank you? Anyways, can you detail how you usually preform your job, or keep people “safe?”

SCP-████: Uh… I guess lecturing people on the rules and importance of road rules, filling up potholes, sticking reflective poles near edges, stuff like that. Pretty mundane huh?

Dr. Richards: What about your staff? What do you use that for?

SCP-████: Oh my staff! Well, I use it to channel my magic for the more dangerous part of my job. Magic can be real dandy in a rock slide.

Dr. Richards: I see.

Room is silent as Dr. Richard pauses to write notes.

Dr. Richards: *coughs* Um, SCP- sorry, Road Wizard. If you don’t mind me asking, I know you dub yourself as the “Road Wizard,” but is that the only safety concern you have? Or are there others like you that specialize in other hazards?

SCP-████: Funny you should ask that Dr., my real name’s actually the Safety Wizard. I just go with road because America has a crap ton of cars you know? And no, there's no one else like me so far that I know of.

Dr. Richards: So do you specialize in anything else then?

SCP-████: Sure I do! Let me just-

SCP-████ then manifests their staff from their hand which starts to emit a blue glow. A train sign then projects at the tip.

SCP-████’s outfit then suddenly shifts into a mock version of a steam engine engineer of their outfit, complete with a cap, denim overalls, vest-cloak and a yellow and black striped bandana.

SCP-████: Trains! Guess you could say I’ve become the “Rail Wizard!”

Silence.

SCP-████: Haha, sorry. There are other specialities too, but it’d probably take a while to show you all of them.

Dr. Richards: So are you able to switch forms like that?

SCP-████: That’s right miss! It’s very important to be dressed proper for any job!

SCP-████’s staff projects a car sign and outfit returns to previous description.

SCP-████: So any other questions for me Dr.? I’d love to stay and chat, but I need to be going soon.

Dr. Richards: SCP- I mean Road Wizard, you are aware that we can’t just let you go out.

SCP-████: I understand your concerns Dr., seeing what kind of place you guys run. But believe me, I’m not a dangerous guy! And it’s not like you folks can keep me in here anyways.

Dr. Richards: What do you mean by that?

SCP-████: Oh nothing. Anyways, it was nice chatting with you Dr. Richards, but I really must be on my way. See you later!

Dr. Richards: Hey, wait!

*SCP-████’s staff projects a Two Way Traffic sign and a glowing, yellow portal appeared to the right of SCP-████. SCP-████ then enters through the portal which disappears.

[END LOG]

——————————————————————————————————

The Hazard Monster

Item# : SCP-█████

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-█████ should be contained within a 5 m x 5 m x 5 m chamber of reinforced concrete. Door and windows should be tightly sealed to prevent SCP-█████ from escaping through any cracks.

Description: SCP-█████ is an amorphous, black blob which can change its mass, texture, shape, and composition through anomalous means. SCP-█████’s face appears to be an NFPA 704 Diamond symbol. Each section of diamond can open up to reveal a set of teeth or eyes (amount varies). SCP-█████ normally uses its anomalous abilities to inflict injuries on people. The relationship between SCP-████, or as they dubbed themself, the Road Wizard, is very negative.

Addendum 1: Discovery

Foundation was first alerted of SCP-█████ when reports of multiple incidents were reported by the people in the town of █████████. Residents were reported being injured by a black shapeshifting blob. Foundation, with the help of the Road Wizard, were able to track down SCP-██████ and capture it. All town residents were given Class A amnestics.

[weirdass-shiptournament]

WELCOME TO THE (UN)OFFICIAL WEIRDASS SHIP TOURNAMENT‼️

DO YOU:

- Have a rare pair so rare they never interact in canon? Or even exist in the same canon?

- Is literally only known by a small circle of friends and is completely incomprehensible to the average onlooker?

THEN THIS IS THE POLL FOR YOU‼️

THE SUBMISSION RULES ARE:

- CANNOT interact in canon! We are talking the obscurest of obscure. I need to have to hunt these character down and edit them into a photo in order for them to be valid. If I google their names together and can easily find official pictures of them hanging out it’s invalid(exceptions can be made depending on circumstances)

- CAN be from different source material. Literally anything goes!! Anime character and Spongebob? OKAY!!! Two characters from the same show who’ve never interacted?? YES!! I’m looking for ships you need to explain the development of. There needs to be a lore.

- CANNOT have a mass following. Once again, I’m looking for ships that can only be comprehended by a group of friends with insider knowledge. So things like BBC Sherlock’s mormor, despite being a ship wjere one of the characters technically doesn’t exist, doesn’t count on account of being immensely popular and having several hundreds of fics made for them. WE’RE TALKING WEIRD. RANDOM. OBSCURE. There’s gotta be like 5 fics of them MAXIMUM(exceptions can be made if they’re all by the same one or two very dedicated ppl)

- ALL SUBMISSIONS WILL BE JUDGED BY DEDICATION NOT NUMBERS!!! I want you FIGHTING for your LIFE to justify why your blorbos are not only weird but extremely valid to ship. I want to see essays with the same passion and effort youd put into your English paper worth 50% of your grade.

AND THE POLL RULES ARE:

- NO REAL LIFE PEOPLE. streamers count.

- I have full control of who gets in or not. Once again, we are going by dedication, not numbers. Please don’t be upset if your blorbos do not make it in. I f things go well, I’ll probably do this again, so you’ll likely have more chances to see them submitted.

- I DO NOT HAVE ENCYCLOPEDIC KNOWLEDGE OF EVERY MEDIA EVER. while i will go out of my way to do background checks of any character I don’t recognize, I’m not very smart. If a ship gets in that’s in some way notably problematic, I assure you I did not know!! Please just DM me about it if it happens!!!

- I don’t want to see any trash talking towards other opponents. This is a for fun poll! Please have fun. Discover new weird ships to have. Form weird ship polycules with the opponents and kiss or smth. If I see any vile behavior in the polls you will be blocked.

- unfortunately I am a human bound by feelings and bias. This was originally just going to be a ‘weird a3 ships’ thing before I decided to branch out since I doubt I’d get many submissions sticking to one fandom. If you see a lot of a3! Specific ships thats because I have a lot of friends who are all individually buckwild about certain weird ships.

- ALL PROPAGANDAIS NOT ONLY BELOVED AND ADORED BUT ENCOURAGED!!! GO APE!!!

THE SUBMISSIONS WILL LAST UNTIL MAY 15TH GMT -4‼️ (<- linked here)

(Should a date be needed I will specify later down the line. I will give more than enough time with a heads up for when I close submissions, so you do not have to worry about being too late to submit your blorbos.)

I WOULD LIKE TO GIVE SPECIAL SHOUTOUTS TO @pinkandbluebracket @redandyellowbracket @a3outfitstournament AND @greenhairandpronouns-tournament FOR MAKING POLLS SEEM FUN AND SILLY AND THUS MY ENCOURAGEMENT TO MAKE MY OWN!!! ALSO BECAUSE TAGGING SEEMS CUSTOMARY

[swindle-comic]

As Swindle comes off of hiatus, I (Artsy) would just like to say a few things.

I firstly just want to say a big personal thank you to everyone who’s been so patient during this hiatus. I’ve been dealing with a lot over the months that this comic hasn’t been updating and I’m still just keeping my head above water as it is. To those who are so empathetic, so kind, so understanding, thank you. You guys are a big reason why I continue working on this comic, and I am really excited for you to see where the story goes.

Lord knows that I’ve dedicated more than enough time complaining about the small but vocal group of people who have been rude - sometimes excessively so - to both Lolly and I as we work on this comic, and I’d like to not spend a terribly long time dwelling on it, here. I probably won’t mention if for a long while after this post. At the same time, it’s worth noting that we’ve done a lot to try to discourage and manage this behavior with... mixed results. We’ve blocked people for repeated rude behavior, we’ve banned people from our Discord server for rude behavior, we’ve closed our askbox during the hiatus, we’ve introduced an FAQ - and people have evaded being blocked by making throwaway accounts, and we’ve had an incident of an individual making a new Discord account to evade a ban, and people don’t read our FAQ. It’s all really frustrating.

I think, for now, at least, we’re going to only open our askbox to non-anons - though this won’t do too much to prevent throwaways, it’ll at least convolute the means through which people can harass us. So apologies to the shy but kind individuals who had been using anon peacefully, maybe sometime we’ll open it back up again.

Additionally, I’ll like to just once again ask for anyone who hasn’t to check out FAQ, please. It’s in our pinned post for a reason.

Somewhat related to that - mostly that it’s something that’s been covered in the FAQ, is that I’ve noticed an increasing number of people who have been saying they discovered the comic via re-uploads on tiktok and pintrest.

And. Wow. That hurts. It hurts to know, to think about. I know it’s inevitable, trust me, I know this is just the inevitable result of posting anything on the internet, but god, it sucks.

I don’t know how many of you following this blog are artists, but it’s a big long topic that I don’t really have the space or patience to lay out for all of you in this post - this is art theft. We do not allow, we say it right in our FAQ point-blank, we do not allow people to reupload the comic elsewhere. Dubs are fine, again, we’ve covered this, they’re transformative, they offer an experience unique to just reading the comic. But un-voiced reuploads that do nothing but present the comic in a slideshow? That’s stealing. It’s hurtful, and it’s wrong. Both Lolly and I have dealt many times with our work being stolen and we’ve made our stances on reuploads of our work pretty clear on our own blogs.

Please, if you see someone doing this, report them. The only “official” accounts for the comic are this blog and our promotional Instagram page, swindle.comic. If an account is uploading the comic, un-dubbed, they do no have permission to do so, and they need to be reported.

I really don’t expect this to be the last time I have to say something like this or about this, because I know that this comic is going to take a long time to complete and so we’ll always have newcomers who can’t reasonably be asked to sift through the entire blog for posts like these. But for now, I hope it helps keep the interaction with this comic more respectful. I don’t think the people who do this stuff even realize that their behavior literally makes this comic more draining to work on than it should be (which leads to more burnout and hiatuses) - or I wouldn’t be making posts like this at all, because if they did know, they therefore wouldn’t care, and telling them would be pointless. So I hope this serves as a decent reminder that we’re human beings, and we and our work deserves to be respected.

[kingkatsuki]

I love all pet names from bakugou and kirishima 😩😩

Until they call me Teddy bear or Pebble and they’re trying to work out why they’re now blocked on every single form of social media.

Bakugou ends up sending me an email begging me to unblock his number. And it’s from his official Dynamight work email too, so it has the stupid signatures and headers so it looks all professional and then it’s just him being a loser in love.

And I get a pathetic message from Denki’s account from Kirishima literally on his hands and knees asking me to unblock him so we can talk. Denki even follows it up with a candid photograph of Kirishima with his face down on the table after sending it because he has so many regrets

[football-in-tuxedos]

So. The Supreme Court is overturning Roe v. Wade.

This is an incredibly scary moment for a lot of people, but I kind of want to put it in context. Because even now, I see a lot of people pointing out that banning abortion doesn’t reduce the number of abortions provided, it just makes it more dangerous for the mother.

They know. They don’t care.

We hear a lot about how Republicans are hypocrites, how their actions don’t line up with their stated belief system, but a lot of those actions will make sense once you recognize that their stated belief system is not their actual belief system. They are theocratic fascists, whose long term goals are to install their interpretation of their religion as official government religion and either expel or brutally repress anything who steps out of line.

Once you understand that, everything they do will make sense, and you can stop engaging with their reasons. Because their reasons are bullshit. “A fetus is a life” isn’t a consistent moral belief that they’ve thought out the implications of. It’s just what needs to be true for their beliefs to be even the tiniest bit morally defensible. It doesn’t hold up to scrutiny, and they know it.

It’s not about protecting fetuses, it’s about controlling women.

It’s not about protecting children, it’s about persecuting queer people.

It’s not about protecting votes, it’s about preventing non-Republicans from voting.

This needs to be recognized, internalized and repeated, because engaging them on their own ground, arguing whether banning abortion reduces the number of abortions performed, is an illusion. Stop meeting them where they’re at, stop listening to their words and pay attention to their deeds.

Because their deeds are those of white supremacist, Christian dominionist hate group. And they are coming for other rights. The leaked draft specifically names Obergefell and Lawrence as other decisions which are not worthy decisions, implying that they too should be overturned. Frankly, I suspect Griswold will be on the chopping block too. Honestly, I doubt they’ll stop there, if they feel they can get away with it, they’ll probably go after Loving and Brown too. They aren’t going to stop until they have enshrined white supremacist christian theocracy into power.

You have to recognize that, and be ready to fight.

[sergeifyodorov]

can you explain how to read the underlyings?

A Beginner's Guide to Underlyings, or, why the Canes are Cup favourites every year

So: your team just lost. Your team lost and it didn’t look like they lost; or, they lost, and they outshot the opponent thirty to twenty; or, they lost and they were never not on the power-play. Some players always look terrible, or some look really good but never manage to score, or some put up points while never being in the right place, ever. Why is this? What is an analytics darling, anyway?

Corsi and Fenwick

Analytics in hockey has actually been around a pretty long time -- not all stats need a computer to be able to quantify.

The easiest stat to quantify is a shot on goal. All shots on goal have one of two results: either the goalie (or another player in the crease, but almost always the goalie) hits it and it gets out of the way, or it ends up in the back of the net. Posts are not usually counted as a shot on goal.

The other main two kinds of shots that count -- shots not on goal -- are blocked shots (where it hits another player or their stick before making it into the crease) and missed shots (where a shot is in the direction of the goal, but would not hit it.

Corsi is the total count of all four of these -- saves, goals, misses, and blocks. Say a team has 20 shots including 2 goals, but they’ve also had 10 missed shots and 15 that were blocked. That would be 20 + 15 + 10, or 45 Corsi. Let’s say their opponent has 3 goals on 18 shots, but they only have 10 missed shots and 8 blocked shots. That’s 18 + 10 + 8 or 36 Corsi -- only 80% of what the first team has, but they’re still winning the game.

Fenwick is a similar counter, but it ignores blocked shots -- for our team example above, the first team has 30 Fenwick and the other has 28. Not nearly so big a margin.

If you’re looking for official NHL statlogs about this -- they’ll call Corsi “shot attempts” and Fenwick “unblocked shot attempts.”

Expected Goals

Counting is one thing, but the modern-day NHL has puck and player trackers, and we use that to build more accurate models of a shot. Instead of a simple Corsi count -- a Matthews wrister from the slot is the same 1 Corsi as a Brodie blocked shot from the point -- we can instead assign different numbers to shots by type.

This is where expected goals come in. There are multiple publicly available expected-goal models, and they all work in different precise ways, but in general:

An expected goal model ignores who the shooter is.

It does not ignore where they’re standing, how fast the shot is, or if they miss the net.

Your average shot attempt is worth between one-fifth and one-tenth of an expected goal, but faster, closer, unblocked, and accurate shots are worth more than that. Let’s go back to the Leafs’ game today, because it’s a great example.

These two towers represent the expected goals -- stylized as xG -- totals of the teams. Each little block is one Corsi, colour-coded as a miss, block, save, or goal. They’re also, because the guy who does this website is magical, organized by player, but we’ll get to that in a second. Counting by pure Corsi, the Panthers have 54 little boxes while the Leafs have 65; the Leafs outchanced them, but not by much. This model of expected goals, however, implies that the Leafs’ shots were much more dangerous than the Panthers, and all things being equal, they “should” have won this game about three to two, instead of losing three to one.

All things aren’t equal, though, and this is what separates underlying numbers from reality. It is also why people complain about nerds.

PDO

PDO is an eponym, not an acronym. It’s named for a Counter-Strike player who coined an idea similar to what we talk about in hockey; an idea that is quite simple, actually, when it comes down to it. PDO is shooting percentage plus save percentage, multiplied by a hundred.

The idea, of course, being that a league-average shooting percentage (what percent of shots on goal end up in net) and save percentage (what percent of shots on a goalie don’t end up in net) add up to one -- or one hundred, if you’re doing the multiplying. Ergo if your PDO is over one hundred, you’re scoring or saving more than average, and if your PDO is less than one hundred, you’re scoring or saving less than.

PDO is semi-stable. A team with a lot of good shooters or goalies can expect their PDO to stay consistently above a hundred, and the inverse for a bad team, but this range is not so far as you might expect; a stable high PDO is usually less than a hundred and five. Florida’s first-round upset of Boston last year might surprise you less when you learn that Boston’s PDO remained at 120 the whole season! Numbers like that have to come down eventually. Vegas’ cup run had an unusually high PDO of 107.

Let’s bring back a note from the expected goals section:

An expected goal model ignores who the shooter is.

Great. Good shooters -- hello Auston! -- will often be able to create goal totals well above their “expected-goal” counts, burying shots that computers don’t think they should be able to. Other shooters might be bad, creating far less. Same with goalies -- Juuse Saros, for example, saves about half a goal a game more than league average/expected.

PDO and above-below expected are pretty similar, especially because a goalie with a high above-expected number is likely to also just make a lot of saves, raising his save percentage and thus his team’s PDO. Someone who finishes above expected is likely to also have a high shooting percentage. They aren’t the same, though! 

Resources

HockeyViz -- where I got the xG tower graph from. Micah Blake McCurdy specializes in hockey data visualization. Some of this site is hidden behind a paywall, but a lot of it isn’t and there’s some really neat stuff!

Natural Stat Trick -- if spreadsheets are more your speed.

MoneyPuck -- the Deserve to Win-o-Meter, but also has a lot of betting odds and probability tables.

[pigeon-system-boys]

Hiiiii

So I thought about it for a while and I think I will post it here

We've been writing conspects about programming and different programs and we believe it can help someone

TRIGGER FUCKING WARNING!!!

PROGRAMS WITH DESCRIPTIONS BELOW

BE FUCKING CAREFUL

Access: when one has a trigger (or more than one) that gives programmer(s) access to the system through a part

Amnesiac: when one forgets previously known memories in a moment where the memories were about to be shared. Does not apply to general dissociative amnesia

Don’t tell: when unpleasant experiences, such as dizziness or aches and pains, are triggered when a victim speaks out about abuse

Duality: when one has programmed internal conflict between parts, causing distraction and distress

Emotionless: where one is instilled with the idea that they are emotionless and can’t, or shouldn’t, feel. No official name, but it’s a common one (usually tied in with epsilon)

Gender role: where one is assigned a gender role and programmed to revolve their identity around the role. Things like the subservient wife. Is also called prince/princess

Hierarchy: where one is either internally or externally placed in an artificial hierarchy that decides who is deserving of things such as food, space, respect, etc. Can go both ways-one can be high ranked or low ranked, or in between. No official name

Mental: an umbrella for programmed symptoms of mental illness (specified or not) which covers up root causes and prevents victim from receiving needed help. Again, they are symptoms not actual disorders. You can only program trauma disorders. No official name

Military: where one is taught to behave like they are in a military-following orders blindly, rigorous training, etc. Usually tied into sigma programming (see link above)

Organization: an umbrella program where parts are organized into things such as flowers, cards, numbers, etc. usually tied into epsilon or theta programs (see link)

Scramble: when a trigger scrambles ones mind into being completely incoherent, to others and the victim

Scramble programming can be easily explained by its name, scramble, if you know the context. It basically scrambles your brain so that you have trouble doing things like communicating, forming coherent thoughts, etc. scramble can also be confused with silence/shutdown programming, where the victim has a mental block that prevents them from forming any words. The difference between the two is silence programming doesn’t effect the thoughts/memories, just the communication.

Silence: when one cannot speak their traumas, despite having the full remembrance and understanding of trauma to do so

Shutdown: where one completely shuts down when triggered. Can appear to be extreme dissociation, but the two are differentiated by the lucidity of the victim

Alpha-Alignment (to groups desires) programming. Very basic, square one programmingAlpha programming is the programming of complete alignment with the groups agenda-blank slate programming pretty much. Things like parts programmed to split blank slate, parts that are programmed to not even consider anything outside of the group, etc. are alpha programmed parts.

Beta: sexual programming, could be used in a variety of ways with a variety of other programs

Chi: callback/report programming. Where one reports things to group

Delta: violence programming. Can be to humans, animals, or property

Elipson: dehumanization programming. Usually makes one believe they’re animals, but can also make one believe they are plants or non-living objects

Eta: surrender programming. Makes one believe the abuse cannot be stopped and therefore there is no use in fighting it

Gamma: loyalty programming. Different than alpha because alpha is more blank slate programming while gamma is very devotional

Iota: isolation programming. Can be anywhere from internal isolation methods (that are not otherwise explained by regular dissociative barriers) and things to isolate externally

Omega: sui/sh programming. Makes one SH/be suicidal when triggered (triggers vary from victim to victim)

Sigma: survival/“toughing it out” programming. Generally speaking of outdoor situations, but can be used for other survival situations as well

Theta: religious programming. Basically any MC related to RA/spiritual abuse in general

Zeta: normalization programming. Basically makes you see torture and death as as normal as a man tripping while running. Different than eta because eta does not make you view abuse as normal/good

Add more in comments if you know, I will add. And if misinformation, tell me too, because I'm not always right

EDITED: found a good document from person who's name is radpocalypse but I can't find them

[performativezippers]

Personally I would love a part 2 from Lucy. I love the way you write them. Also, poor Kate, having to take an Uber to the hospital because she doesn’t have anyone to call. 🥺

Okay part 2 got too long (shocking i know) so i wanted to put both part 1 and part 2 on AO3, even though they're way less polished than my usual stuff but AO3 is currently down for maintenance! So they'll be up later today or tomorrow, but you can read all of part 2 here. it's too long for tumblr but we can prevail!

but like...uhhhhhh...if you want to also leave a comment on ao3 when it's back up that would be like........extremely fun of you.

anyway! enjoy, or whatever it is i should say before feeding you some angst!

Part 2: Lucy

[part 1 fit within canon; this part does not and definitely happens before 1x19]

It’s been a long day. They all seem to be, now, the hours that used to feel exhilarating and meaningful becoming more and more of a grind. It should be the opposite: since the breakup, Lucy’s had so much less to do after work, so the work hours should feel like less of a burden—they’re not keeping her from something anymore—but they don’t. She feels like she’s been worked down to the bone, just ground down into nothing.

It's late, the sun went down hours ago, but she’s still buried in a report Whistler brought over a couple hours ago.

It’s easier for Lucy to think of her as Whistler, here at work. Whistler, who works at the FBI now, and seems to be enjoying not having to block them at every step anymore. Whistler, who Tennant is bringing into more and more cases. Whistler, with the crisp ponytail and creds hanging from her neck. Not Kate. Not Kate who wore tshirts and loose shorts and only pulled her hair up if it was getting in Lucy’s face in bed. Not Kate who pretended like Lucy mattered to her, like she felt what Lucy did, like what they were building in the sanctuary of her apartment meant something to her.

Not Kate who cheated on her. Not Kate who lied to her face, over and over, for months. Not Kate who broke her heart into a million pieces. Not Kate who Lucy was fucking in love with and who was seeing someone else the whole time.

Not Kate who Lucy let herself picture a fucking future with, a life with, a comfortable house and a cat and sunrise jogs and coffee runs and late nights whispering affection under the covers.

It wasn’t Kate who dropped off the files before leaving for the day, it was Whistler, and that’s the only way Lucy can get through these long, exhausting, grinding days.

Whistler had put the files together in a hurry as a favor to Tennant, so they’re not as neat as what she usually brings over. Not color-coded or cross-tabbed or any of the nerdy shit she likes. It’s a loose collection of file folders and even a few errant pieces of paper, which is very unlike her. Her DIA habits run deep—she always protects the intel.

Lucy tries not to think about how good she is at that, how well she protected the intel from Lucy. But, no. That was Kate, and this is Whistler, and Lucy has to keep it compartmented or she’ll fucking lose it right here in the bullpen and she’s not interested in doing that again.

She flips to the last page in the pile, and it takes her a second to figure out what she’s looking at. It’s not an official FBI document, and she feels like her brain is going in slow motion, but as soon as the words pierce the fog in her brain, she feels her heart drop into her gut with a wet, sickening thud.

It has the Queen’s Hospital logo on the top left. Then it says KATHERINE M. WHISTLER, with her birthday and her medical record number. In the middle, prominent and bold, it says RESULTS FROM ECHOCARDIOGRAM.

Lucy blinks at the document a couple of times, like maybe the paper will morph into the financial details of their suspect if she just tries harder. This can’t…no.

She immediately understands what happened. Tennant was rushing Whistler, and she grabbed the stack of files and papers off her desk without triple-checking them like usual, and this personal paper was underneath the stack. It’s a mistake Lucy can barely imagine happening, a mistake that is so un-Whistler-like that if Lucy didn’t have the evidence in her hand, she’d be wondering if something was wrong with Whistler.

But yes, something is obviously wrong with Whistler, because healthy people don’t get Echocardiograms. And having a health problem is distracting enough to not triple-check a stack of documents, sure. It all makes sense, except all of Lucy’s feelings are dialing up instead of easing back now that she’s solved the mystery.

She flips rapidly and erratically between confusion and fear for a minute before she firmly settles on rage.

She’s fucking furious.

She’s furious with Whistler for dropping this paper on her desk by mistake, making this Lucy’s problem. She tries to focus on that, but it doesn’t work. She tries to hold herself there, but the target of her rage keeps sliding from Whistler for being careless to Kate for being…something. Something that Lucy wishes were “secretive” but might be “hurt.”

She’s fucking furious at Kate for being sick. And she’s fucking furious this is the way she’s finding out—late at night, in the bullpen, by accident in a way that would absolutely horrify Kate if she knew about it.

She’s out the door before she’s decided what to do, seeing red, the paper crumpling in her white-knuckled grip. She drives to Kate’s apartment on autopilot, so angry that the waves of sadness that always swamp her when she thinks about the last time she was here barely catch her attention. She’s focused and furious and intent.

She knocks on the door and tries to hold onto her rage as flashbacks of Cara’s blank, expectant face threaten to drag her under and try to bring tears to her eyes.

It’s Kate who opens the door this time, and Lucy forces Cara out of her mind. It’s Kate, not Whistler, because she’s in yoga pants and a Northwestern tshirt that Lucy know she sleeps in, and her hair is down and fluffy like she showered after work.

“Lucy?”

“What the fuck is this?” Lucy holds out the paper, wrinkled now from her sweaty, clenched fist.

Kate looks confused—understandably, because Lucy hasn’t been here since that night and they’ve barely talked but they’re trying to get to a place of being civil at work, and now Lucy’s here at her apartment, after nine at night, cursing at her with no context.

But then Kate realizes what the paper is, her eyes catching on the hospital logo, and Lucy watches as the blood drains from Kate’s face, leaving her ashen and somehow haggard.

“Where did you get that?” Kate snaps, ripping the paper out of Lucy’s hand.

“It was in with the Smith files,” Lucy says and watches as all of the fight leaves Kate’s eyes, her shoulders slumping and some part of her defensive façade falling away. Lucy had gotten so used to seeing it, to seeing Kate with armor up, that she’d forgotten what Kate looks like without it.

She looks too lost and tired and resigned now to be beautiful, exactly, but she makes Lucy’s heart hurt anyway.

“I’m sorry,” Kate manages to say, and Lucy can see that she’s fighting through a lot to be able to speak at all. She’s not sure if it’s embarrassment or shame or fear or maybe a little bit of the rage Lucy feels, but it’s a lot. “That was unacceptably unprofessional.”

Lucy’s trying very hard to stay furious and not slide into something like afraid and in love, so she rolls her eyes.

“I apologize,” Kate says stiffly, pretending she’s Whistler even though they both know she’s not. “Thank you for returning it to me.” Saying Whistler’s lines without Whistler’s armor makes her look remarkably naked, like a child pretending to be a warrior.

Lucy could slice her in half without breaking a sweat. Lucy could destroy her, and she should want to, but, even full to the brim with rage, she doesn’t want to.

“What happened?” Lucy can hear that her voice is harsh and a little snappish, too loud and not at all caring, and she likes it.

“I had it on my desk and I must have picked it up with the other—”

“No,” Lucy interrupts. “Why the fuck did you have an echo, Kate?”

Kate blinks a couple times, and Lucy wonders when the last time she called her “Kate” was. Probably the last time she was actually inside this apartment, back before she knew Kate was a lying, cheating, broken asshole.

“It doesn’t matter,” Kate says, but Lucy takes a step forward and something almost happy flickers in her chest at the way Kate takes a quick step backward. She’s not a match for Lucy—not ever, and especially not right now when Lucy is on fire with anger.

“Talk,” Lucy orders, and Kate shakes her head but she steps back again, clearing the doorway and wordlessly inviting Lucy inside.

Lucy steps in and slams the door loudly behind her, not bothering to take her shoes off. She doesn’t say anything, just stares, her jaw clenched and her arms crossed over her chest.

“It was just a precaution,” Kate says, moving a little slowly now, like Lucy’s a dangerous animal and Kate is trying not to be skittish or otherwise remind her of prey. “It came back normal.”

“Bullshit,” Lucy says. Precaution for what, exactly? Yeah, no. That’s not the whole story, not by a long shot. “Try again.”

Kate looks like she can’t decide if she wants to smile at the way Lucy knows her, or shove Lucy out of her apartment for demanding information she has no right to. Or cry.

“I fainted a few weeks ago,” Kate finally says. “They weren’t sure why.”

Lucy blinks again, more times. “You…what? When?”

She doesn’t remember anyone talking about it, and if Tennant or the guys knew, they’d have told her. She’s—frustratingly—seen Whistler almost every day since she started at the FBI, and she always seemed fine. When the fuck could this have happened?

“Um…the week before I started at the Bureau.”

She’s twisting her hands together like she’s nervous, and Lucy’s investigator brain wonders what she still has to be anxious about, what she still hasn’t told Lucy.

“Where?”

Kate tilts her head a little. “What?”

“Where were you when it happened?” Lucy knows that she’s slipped into interrogation mode, but she can’t be bothered to stop. It’s the fastest way between point A and point B, and Lucy’s not trying to linger on the journey, not when the journey involves being alone in a room with Kate Whistler, a room where she used to feel cared about and valued and loved, back before she learned it was all a lie.

“Here,” Kate says softly.

“You were alone?” Lucy asks, and Kate clenches her jaw. Lucy’s heart sinks even further—she wasn’t alone. She was with someone.

Cara, probably.

That’s why her fingers are turning white in her grip, why her breaths are high and fast in her chest, why she still looks pale but with embarrassed splotches of red on each cheek. She was with fucking Cara, and everything she said that night, everything about Lucy being more than she’d bargained for, about breaking it off for real—that was all a lie too.

Lucy wants to throw up, or maybe deck Kate in the face.

But then Kate says, “Yes,” and the way she says it—looking down, scuffing her bare toes against the floor, makes Lucy believe her.

She was alone.

So if not Cara, if she’s not ashamed of still being with Cara or of seeing someone else, then what? What’s the other shoe that she’s so afraid of dropping?

“Tell me exactly what happened,” Lucy says through gritted teeth. “From the beginning.”

Kate seems to have accepted that she’s not getting out of this interrogation until Special Agent Tara is satisfied, and maybe she’ll get a lighter sentence if she starts fully cooperating. “I woke up on the bathroom floor,” she says, and already something pinched and horrible is seizing Lucy’s heart. She can picture it perfectly—blonde hair splayed out on pristine white tile, long limbs akimbo, unsteady breaths puffing out onto the floor.

“I…there was blood,” Kate says, quickly, like she’s trying to get this part over with. “It was from my head. I must have hit it when I fell.” She touches a spot behind her right ear, and the vision in Lucy’s mind shifts.

The floor is no longer the clean, pristine white tile that Kate is obsessive about cleaning, but is now smeared with thick, coagulating blood. It smells like hot metal and pain in her imagination, and the blonde hair on the floor is clumped and clotted with blood. The face underneath is paler, and the breaths leaving condensation on the floor are shorter and shallower. Her cheek is stuck to the tile with a layer of sticky, drying blood, and it’s running down her neck to her elbow and under her shoulder blades, sinking into her shirt and dripping off her forehead.

“They ran a bunch of tests at the hospital, but they didn’t find anything,” she says, almost rueful. “I got a few stitches, and that was it.”

Lucy pictures Kate in a hospital gown, pale and bloody, unsteady and wavering on her feet. Alone under a white sheet, up against a white wall, hooked up to white machines, every non-answer striking fear deeper and deeper into her heart that she’d leave the hospital as confused and afraid as when she arrived.

Kate is taller than Lucy by a good six inches, but she seems small right now, curled in on herself, like she’s bracing herself against something heavy and devastating.

Lucy’s forgotten to be angry for the last few minutes, too focused on figuring out the mystery of what is making Kate so twitchy, on picturing the woman she loved lying in pool of her own coagulating blood, but as the answer makes itself clear to her, she can already feel the rage starting to simmer in her gut again.

It’s the only gap in the timeline. It’s the only thing that makes sense.

All she has to say is, “How’d you get to the hospital?” and Kate looks up at her, pressing her lips into a thin, white line, the worry lines in her forehead standing out, stark and deep against the unhealthy pallor of her face.

Kate doesn’t bother to lie to her. “I took an uber,” she says, and, there it is.

Lucy fucking loses it.

The image of Kate in a fucking stranger’s car, huddled in the backseat, hiding her blood and her fear from some strange man, someone who could have taken advantage of her, hurt her even more. He must have smelled the blood, seen the clots in her hair. Lucy finds herself wanting to rip his head off; he, who was there at Kate’s most vulnerable moment, when he did fucking nothing to deserve it.

He, who was there when Lucy should have been.

The fury finds Lucy again and sweeps her off her feet, carrying her along in a wild current. She can tell that underneath the rapids are huge boulders of fear, but she lets herself skim the surface, only letting the pure rage touch her.

“You don’t take a fucking uber to the hospital, Kate!” Lucy spits at her. “You fucking call someone! I’d have thought someone as smart as you would have known without being told that if you wake up in a pool of your own fucking blood, you fucking call someone!”

“I was fine,” Kate protests, but Lucy scoffs as loudly as she can.

“You were bleeding,” she spits. “You were bleeding and alone and you could have died, and then what would have happened?”

The corner of Kate’s mouth twitches, which makes Lucy even angrier. “Well, nothing else would have happened for me, if I were dead,” Kate says like this isn’t fucking serious, and Lucy feels herself actually snarl.

She’s a step closer now, and the light fades from Kate’s eyes at the look on Lucy’s face. “This isn’t fucking funny, Kate,” she snaps, and Kate nods quickly, like she’s trying to pacify Lucy.

“I know it’s not,” she says softly. “I know it’s not.”

“You should have fucking called me,” Lucy says, breathing hard like she’s been running.

“I thought about it,” Kate admits, small again. “But I didn’t…” Her lips twist again, almost into a smile, but this one is wry and self-deprecating and very aware of every single thing she ever did to hurt Lucy. “I didn’t think you’d want to hear from me.”

Lucy has been furious for a long time now—since Kate told her about the blood, since she found the document, since Cara opened the front door and ruined everything—and she’s tired. She’s exhausted. She’s sick of being so angry and sad all the time, so tired of reminding herself to play nice with Whistler at work, so fucking over pretending that looking at Whistler doesn’t make her want to burst into tears, every fucking time.

She’s exhausted and the days have been such a grind and the spike of fear and adrenaline from finding the letter about the echo has faded, so now she’s just mad and tired and so, so painfully sad.

She wants to say something nicer, something more neutral, but instead she hears herself yelling at Kate. Actually, honest to god yelling, her voice loud and cracking, her hands balled up fists, tears in her eyes. “You don’t get to make me into the fucking bad guy,” she yells at Kate’s sad, pallid face. “You broke my heart. All I did was love you, and you lied to me and cheated on me, and I refuse—no, let me say this—” Her voice breaks, and she can feel herself crying now. “I refuse to be the reason you almost died alone in your apartment, Kate. If you were too scared or ashamed to call me, that’s on you, not on me.”

The silence after she closes her mouth is thick. A horrible, loud silence, broken only by her own harsh ragged breaths, and then the heartbreaking sound of Kate trying not to cry.

“I’m sorry,” Lucy says, shaking out her fist and then holding up her hands, palms out. “I didn’t mean to yell.”

She also didn’t mean to say that she loved Kate—she’s pretty sure she said it and she knows she meant it, but she hadn’t meant to say it. Had never meant to let Kate know, to confirm to her how deeply and convincingly she’d played Lucy, how far gone for her Lucy was when all Kate was doing was fucking around.

“No,” Kate says, but she shakes her head and that makes the tears slip out of her eyes. “I’m sorry. I keep—it’s the last thing I want to do, but I just keep hurting you.”

Lucy considers her for a long moment, and then says something so true that she shouldn’t have said it at all. “The thing that would hurt me the worst is if you were seriously hurt, Kate.”

Kate looks up at her, then, like she’s trying to figure Lucy out. To measure her, to rewind and replay that moment with the subtitles on, to figure out if the tiny swell of hope Lucy can see in Kate’s eyes is justified.

“I’m okay,” she says softly, this time like it’s for Lucy, not to protect herself from Lucy.

“You were hurt,” Lucy says, somehow not over it even though she can see Kate standing in front of her, tall and clearly okay, even though she’d tried not to look but her eyes had caught on the words no abnormalities detected on Kate’s echo paperwork.

“I was,” Kate says, and there’s something different about her softness now. Before she held her naked vulnerability like it was a weakness, like she wanted to protect it from Lucy, but now she’s giving it to Lucy as a gift. Here, she’s saying. Here’s my soft underbelly, here’s myself, and I want you to see it. I want you see that I want you to have it. “And I’m sorry I didn’t call you. I’m sorry I hurt you.”

Lucy wishes she were still angry, that it didn’t feel so fucking awful to rage at someone who so clearly doesn’t want to rage back, who bore all of the abuse Lucy threw at her like she deserved it, who clearly absorbed all of the criticism into the soft animal of her body like it belonged there.

Instead she’s right back here, crying in Kate’s apartment, standing too far away from a person she so badly wants to fling herself at. She wants to press a gentle kiss to Kate’s stitches, to hold her hand, to put her head on Kate’s chest and hear that steady heartbeat for herself.

She brushes the tears off her cheeks, and Kate looks at her like she’s making a decision, weighing if she should say something or not.

“I loved you too, you know,” Kate finally says, conversational, like it’s nothing. “I mean, I never stopped—I still do. Love you. I hope you know that.”

Lucy shakes her head. That can’t be true. Kate can’t have loved her, because Kate broke her heart. Kate ruined everything; she built it on a foundation of lies and then she threw it all away.

“I’ll never say it again if you don’t want me to, but I need you to know it,” Kate says, soft but unyielding. A bit of her usual steel back under her gentleness. “I lied to you, I wasn’t honest with you, and I hurt you, but it was never because I didn’t love you, that it didn’t matter to me. That you didn’t matter to me. Because you did. More than you could know.”

Lucy wonders if Kate’s concussion shook something loose in her brain. “That’s hard to believe,” she says, and Kate nods.

“I know,” Kate says. “Sometimes the truest things are.”

Lucy wonders if she needs an echocardiogram, if her heart is still beating right or is even in the right place. She can hear a heartbeat thundering in her ears, like it’s trying to drown out the sound of Kate saying those words, but they’re all Lucy can hear anyway.

“Okay,” Lucy says after a long pause. “Okay, well. I’m going to, um…” She can’t stay here any longer. Not now that she’s not furious, not now that Kate is saying these impossible things that are making her reexamine everything that’s happened, forcing her rewrite the story of what happened between them, to replace so many periods with question marks.

“Okay,” Kate says, still so soft and open.

Lucy doesn’t know what else to say. Bye sounds too final, and take care too pointed. See you at work is crossing the streams between business and personal that they’ve tried so hard to keep separate.

She ends up just nodding at Kate before turning and letting herself out the front door.

She doesn’t make it down to the parking lot. As the elevator passes the fifth floor, Lucy panics and smashes the button for the fourth floor. She steps quickly out as soon as the doors open and immediately jabs the up button, tapping her foot and muttering until the other elevator shows up to take her back up eight floors.

She knocks too loudly, and the Kate who opens the door has red eyes and looks as startled as Lucy feels.

Lucy can’t look at her. She flings herself into Kate’s body, and she hears a little oomph as Kate absorbs her impact, Kate’s arms coming up around her without hesitation, like they belong there. Lucy can feel Kate’s chest shuddering, and she digs her fingers into Kate like something is going to try to rip her away.

Kate’s holding her tightly, her palms pressed hard against Lucy’s back, her fingers twitching like she’s not sure how much she can touch, how much she can have.

Lucy can feel Kate’s fear fighting with her desire as one hand slowly slides up, settling at the base of Lucy’s skull like Lucy is the most precious thing she can imagine.

“I’m sorry that happened to you,” Lucy mutters into Kate’s neck. “I’m sorry you were alone.”

Kate makes some little humming sound into her ear, still shaking against Lucy.

“Promise you’ll call me next time,” Lucy demands, speaking mostly to her favorite of the moles on Kate’s neck. “Promise me.” She hopes Kate knows she doesn’t just mean if she faints again, or hurts her head, but if she needs something. If she’s sick or she’s scared or she just needs to call.

“I promise,” Kate says, her fingers sliding through Lucy’s thick curls.

Lucy gives herself five more breaths. Five more deep breaths, where she can smell Kate’s skin and feel Kate’s arms, strong and afraid, tight around her back. Five more breaths to dig herself as far into Kate as she can, to live in this fantasy moment where everything bad is behind them.

After five, she pulls back.

“Okay,” she says.

“Okay,” Kate says, her smile like a rainbow during a thunderstorm. Like maybe one day this part will be over, and there will be something new between them.

“See you tomorrow,” Lucy says, and Kate nods.

“You will.”

Lucy makes it to the parking lot this time, and into the car, and all the way to her apartment.

She’s not angry anymore, Kate’s scent still in her throat, the ghost of her smooth skin under Lucy’s fingertips, and for tonight that will have to be enough.

[mytragedyperson]

Thoughts I had while reading TCF/LCF chapter 16

Quick note before I begin – the reason I call it TCF and not LCF is because that’s technically what I’m reading. I’m currently reading it on EAP. If there’s an official English version I can read feel free to point me in the direction of it but, since TCF is what it’s called on the site I’m reading it on, that’s probably what I’ll refer to it as. If this is a problem, please feel free to unfollow or block my posts but I don’t really refer to the book’s name at all in the actual posts though I do use names like Beacrox and stuff. I’m hoping this isn’t a huge problem for anyone, but I just thought I’d put that out there. This applies to all posts I make about TCF so I won’t repeat myself. As far as I know, there is no official translation, and it feels slightly wrong to use LCF because that’s not what the version I’m reading is called. This probably won’t change unless there’s an official English version. Just wanted to put this out there for those who care about this. Without further ado, I present to you, my thoughts

That right there, Cale’s “who will go if I don’t” perfectly sums up this character and why he does the things he does. Why does he mess with the white star so much? Who will if he doesn’t? why does he loot so many places? Who will if he doesn’t? why does he save so many people? Who will if he doesn’t? that might actually be one of the most consistent parts of his character. He does these things because, if he doesn’t, who will? No one else is gonna save the Black Dragon, or Paseton. They might try, if they knew but they don’t. so who will if he doesn’t? no one. And that’s not acceptable to him. This isn’t to say he’s the only one who would or could help people, just that, in most situations, he’s the only one who can.

And Venion is officially present. Wish he wasn’t but he is.

The fact that this utter waste of oxygen is considered a typical, authoritative noble is really sad. No wonder their world is doomed if this is a typical noble.

I feel like most villains are at least slightly smarter than Venion, honestly. Maybe not necessarily in this novel, idk about that, but villains in general. Most of them would know not to try and tame a dragon. I feel like that’s pretty basic common sense. You know what, yes, even the villains in this novel are probably slightly smarter at least. Even the bandits I was making fun of last chapter were smarter, though not by much. They had no way of knowing this carriage belonged to a noble travelling with a Choi Han and an assassin and a torture expert. Usually having the numbers game is an advantage. But my point is they didn’t know these things. Marquis Stan and Venion know this is a dragon, that’s the whole point. That makes them a lot dumber than the poor bandits who just chose the wrong carriage on the wrong day, imo.

One thing I do admire about Cale is his patience and ability to keep a calm ead even in front of something like Venion. I can’t call whatever he is a human, but calling him garbage or even human garbage is an insult to garbage and, considering OG Cale is supposed to be considered trash, that just feels more wrong. So Venion is a lot worse than living garbage, but calling him a monster feels like giving him more credit than he deserves and also is offensive to monsters so idk what he is. Also can we just think for a second about the fact that, in this novel, in this world, someone who drinks a lot and trashes places, has a worse reputation than the people torturing a baby dragon and watching it for amusement. Now, I know they’re not exactly adverting that fact but most people know he crippled (am I allowed to say that? Is there a better term? Idk, sorry) his older brother, and yet somehow more people hate or look down on OG Cale than Venion. Again showing that the typical nobles have some serious issue and skewed perspectives and priorities. You can do a horrible thing and everyone know you were responsible but, as long as you have status, power and appear like a normal noble, well, that’s just how it is. All this to say fuck Venion Stan, Marquis Stan and anyone who allies with him. Taylor is the only good person in that family and idc what anyone says about that.

Also I know the man was tortured but I don’t remember Choi Han punching him, and if Choi Han didn’t punch him, I think he should have, as a treat. He deserves it. Both of them do.

And nobles are supposed to have class and care for their people. I guess we’ve both been disappointed today. If someone has clearly fallen and you can see that, you stop. Get your head out of Venion’s ass. You can kiss it all you want, he’s still not going to respect you. sorry, I know he’s like a servant or something but that doesn’t make what he’s saying less asshole-ish. This is why we don’t associate with Venion. We become assholes if we do.

Also I know this isn’t the time but can we just take a second, before Venion or his lackey piss me off again, to admire this relationship, dare I say friendship, between Hans and Choi Han. The way he cares for him and doesn’t want him to get in trouble. I feel like Hans is definitely cheering him on on the inside and agrees with him but can’t say anything due to being a servant for the Henituse family. Hans and Choi Han friendship. I wish we saw more of this. I hope we do as the novel goes on, even if it's just a little. I want them to be besties. Idek why.

You know, I feel like it would be so easy for people to look at Hans and just see him as dumb or something but he’s not. It’s not his fault no one tells him anything. He actually has a decent amount of knowledge on things, like the noble families and what he says about the rock towers and stuff. He’s not dumb, he’s just working with the information he has.

So they were trying to get Choi Han in trouble, right? And it probably would’ve worked, except Cale saw everything and is a generally good person so agrees with Choi Han’s actions… except doesn’t this look worse for Venion? Like, another noble, and someone travelling with that noble, who is known for being trash, shows more care and compassion for this guy than Venion. It definitely reflects badly on the Tolz family, or at least it should, that a noble from another territory, who is known for being trash, is kinder and less intimidating and cares more about your people than you do. Like, I know this is unlikely but I feel like, if ever this bar/inn owner heard someone talk trash about Cale he’d be like idk he isn’t that bad. You know he actually stayed here once, one of his guards saved my life, and would kinda defend him a little, but he wouldn’t do that for Tolz. If a good way to tell what nobles are like is to look at how people in their territory act, then the fact this guy wouldn’t defend Venion or Tolz from criticism but arguably would defend Cale says more about Venion and Tolz than anything really. Especially after Cale becomes Young Master Silver Shield.

I may be wrong but this is the first time we see Cale actually mad/genuinely annoyed by someone right? For all he says Hans annoys him, he’s actually never seemed particularly annoyed at Hans. And everyone/everything else he’s been more surprised or scared than mad. He wasn’t even annoyed when he was brought to this world. On one hand I get it, I’m angry at Venion too. I just think it’s interesting to note.

Cale really thinks about everyone, even this old man.

Idk why but Something about Cale right now, the way he tells Choi Han to calm doen is so attractive to me. Maybe it’s how calm and level headed he is, maybe it’s how in control he seems. Idk. Also not important but in my head I don’t see red haired Cale Henituse, I see black haired KRS and idk why.

You know who I think of when I remember Venion? Years ago, when I first got Facebook I’d stumble across photos of like hunters posing with animals they’d just killed and looking so proud of themselves, and it always just filled me with anger and confusion. Like, I’m not a vegetarian or vegan but something about that just seemed so wrong to me. Venion reminds me of a worse version of those people. So pleased to see an innocent animal hurt and proud of themselves for having something to do with it.

When I tell you that reading this man’s torture/punishment scene will be so satisfying to me. He deserves so much worse than he got.

No he stole the carriage. He’s never even heard of Count Henituse. And those knights are paid actors. Why do people insist on asking obvious questions? To start conversation? There must be a better conversation starter than that. Honesetly how Cale hasn’t rolled his eyes at this amazes me. He doesn’t even think the sarcastic thing. I simply couldn’t do that.

I think Venion has bigger problems than being rude.

It makes sense that most people would just naturally be disgusted by him actually. Humans in general typically have fairly good instincts. We can kind of sense when others are terrible human beings. Obviously it isn’t perfect but it is there. The people who follow him probably either fear him or are just as terrible but if most people hate him, it’s probably not just because he’s rude. Venion would probably be too arrogant to pretend to be someone he’s not, so his bad traits would be fairly obvious and I think, when someone is this horrible, they can’t fully hide it anyway. He may not be advertising the Black Dragon thing but there is so much wrong with him and he has so many bad traits it would be impossible to hide them fully, if he even bothered to in the first place.

I don’t get how he’s convinced himself any version of Cale is somehow worse than him. The worst thing OG Cale did was probably what he said to Choi Han, that didn’t happen this time, so the worst he’s done is get drunk and trash some bars and shops. Meanwhile Venion has permanently injured and plans to murder his older brother, and is regularly entertained by a child, no, a toddler getting tortured. He needs to be smacked back down to, well, not earth, whatever their world is called.

Again, still don’t get how Venion would ever look like the better or superior one in this situation. His carriage nearly ran someone over, his lackey berated the person who saved the guy they nearly hit, and then he randomly tried to start shit with another noble and insulting him in public, when the other noble hadn’t actually said or done anything to anyone. No matter how you put it, Venion is the asshole in this situation, and everyone would see that so idk what superiority he thinks he’s showing here.

See Cale gets it. Why ask something you already know about? Oh so he can point out Cale is trash. pOk the trash is still like the least problematic person in this situation so really it just makes you look worse. Btw not saying Choi Han is problematic or anything, hopefully you get my point, it’s a rare occasion of Cale being the best behaved from the outside. Is behaved a word? If it wasn’t it is now.

Idk I think Cale’s doing pretty well at being a noble and this type of talk. If that was me I’d just be rolling my eyes every time Venion spoke.

Also fuck Marquis Stan. He’s just as responsible for Taylor and The Black Dragon and is a shit father and noble. He should’ve been tortured just as much as Venion. Idc.

Is the three other children including Taylor? Because if not 3 siblings and either none of them know or none of them care about the dragon being tortured. I’d like to give them the benefit of the doubt but idk if I can.

Ok so it doesn’t include Taylor.

And none of them care that the oldest brother was crippled by their other brother? Not one? Man, what is up with this family? Why do they all suck so much? Taylor deserves batter.

Imagine if KRS was transmigrated in the Stan family instead. He’d hate them so much but I feel like their downfall would come even quicker, and he’d still help Taylor and Cage because he doesn’t want to be the Marquis. He could even tell them about the black dragon to help Taylor take down his family. And he’d still be in the capital so be able to help with the plot. Can’t decide how he’d get the Shield, but idk, could be fun.

Kinda love how he refers to it as our family already. That’s cute.

Tbf I don’t think nobles not wanting to Take / associate with Deruth’s territory has much to do with it being greedy, because even if it would be greedy, what are the chances the other nobles would all care. It’s probably more to do with the Forest of darkness. Whoever’s responsible for Henituse territory is responsible for watching the Forest of Darkness and, let’s face it, most nobles won’t want that responsibility. Like looking greedy might be some nobles’ concern, but at least one noble family wouldn’t care about that.

This bitch really had the audacity to try and compare himself to Basen? Please those are two completely different relationships. Basen isn’t a complete psychopath/narcissist. And for that matter Cale isn’t Taylor. And did he really just try to call Taylor the trash eldest son and himself the pretty smart younger brother? God he’s delusional. It’s so much worse than I remembered. Delusional, arrogant, dumb, pathetic, horrible. There’s not a single good quality about this guy. Also claims he’s smart but doesn’t realise that Cale dislikes him, dare I say hate him, more than he hates Cale, but that could also be arrogance so idk.

If Venion didn’t like me and compared me to Taylor I’d take that as a huge compliment actually.

Hate to point this out again but he failed to appear as a proper noble when his carriage nearly ran someone over and his lackey blamed that person. Doesn’t seem very proper to me but what do I know? Maybe that is proper behaviour.

Also all these people just heard you call this man a waste of time and an obstacle. I know that some rich people do see poorer people like this but surely this is one of those things that, as a noble, you’re supposed to think but not say out loud? I know they’re not your people but it still seems wrong. Also wouldn’t it appear to most outsiders that he only told his lackey to stop because he realise another noble was there and he wanted to look good in front of him. Again, there’s no way Venion actually realistically comes out of this looking morally better or superior in any way to Cale.

You can practically hear the disgust in Cale’s thoughts. That’s truly impressive.

Don’t worry Venion. Cale did a very good job of teaching his people that distinction. Although his idea of people who have a right to walk this earth may differ from yours. Also again he just very publicly stated that this man, who hasn’t actually done anything wrong, doesn’t have the right to walk the earth or whatever… because he’s not a noble I guess?  Honestly, can you imagine a noble in our world saying this shit like in present time? I mean not much would happen lbr but everyone would at least be like we hate you, that’s a disgusting thing to say.

Also is now a good time to admit I have no idea how nobility actually works and therefore have no clue of the hierarchy?  Ok so google has informed me that Marquis is higher than Count and now I’m sad that a dragon torturer has a higher rank than Count Henitus, and say what you want about him, but at least he actually cares about his people to the best of his ability with the knowledge he has.

That’s offensive to dogs. At least sometimes when they yap it’s for a good reason, usually not but sometimes. (I’m not hating on dogs, I love dogs, I have two dogs, but they do tend to bark for no reason)

I don’t think there’s actually a word for how much I hate this man. Hate and despise come close but feel too weak a word. loathe maybe but every time I think of the word loathe or loathing I think of the song from Wicked, and that song could so easily go the complete opposite direction. Maybe abhor but again these words feel too weak. They don’t fully capture the anger, the disgust, the complete inability to find even one good thing about him.

What I’d give to see Choi Han punch him, just once.

The Tolz family also seem like idiots but they also seem too pathetic to actually hate? Like they just go along with keeping a dragon on their territory and letting the Marquis torture it there? Dumb, dumb as hell. I’d feel sorry for them but they brought it on themselves and so instead I look about them in about the same way I imagine most people look when they see Florida Man in the news, just a why would you do that? Confusion but still more angry than I probably would be at most Florida men or similarly stupid people in the news. A more confused version of the anger I feel when there’s a child abuse story in the news and one of them is like oh but I didn’t abuse them, when there is proof they knew it was happening and were fine with it/amused by it/encouraging it or just didn’t care. You know what I change my mind I do hate the Tolz family, just less than Marquis Stan and Venion. But yeah fuck the Tolz family too. Being pathetic and dumb is no excuse honestly.

Cale needs a reward  or something purely for not punching this man.

Also can we tak a second to discuss the difference in anger and how it’s expressed by Choi Han and Cale. The best way I can put it is Choi Han’s anger is like fire, right? It’s heated, passionate, comes on and spreads quickly and suddenly, is very destructive, hard to stop and contain, though it can be, and is harder to hide. Cale’s anger is like water, like the ocean. It’s cold, he looks very calm on the outside, so you don’t realise he’s angry, but under the surface he’s raging. I’ve always thought the ocean was beautiful and at the same time thought it was one of the most terrifying things there is, and not just because I can’t swim. With fire, the danger is there, it’s obvious, you know it’s dangerous, you know if you touch it you’re gonna get hurt, you’re gonna get burned, and that leaves a permanent mark. But the ocean isn’t like that, the danger isn’t as obvious, at least if you can swim, you could go in the ocean a million times and be just fine, and then one day you get stuck in the wrong tide, and you try to fight against it but you can’t. and there’s so much we don’t know about the ocean, so much mystery surrounding it, a lot of stories, some true, some not true. And the most dangerous thing about the ocean is how peaceful it looks, how calm, how it lures you in. even though I know I can’t swim, I still feel the urge, when I see the ocean, to just jump in, even though I know that would be a very bad idea. A lot of this applies to Cale, there are a lot of stories and rumours about him, he looks more calm than he is, he draws people in, a lot of those people survive and are just fine, but some get dragged away by the tide. The thing is fire and water, with all these differences, still have similarities: they both can hurt/kill you, and they can both be suffocating, and they’re both pretty to look at but can hurt you if you’re not careful. And that just feels so similar to Choi Han and Cale to me. Plus Cale managed to calm Choi Han down, a bit like water can douse a fire and put it out. Cale is water, Choi Han is fire, they’re both forces to be reckoned with and Venion pissed both of them off. He played with fire multiple times but he also earned the ocean’s fury, and an angry ocean… well, we all know how terrifying, how dangerous, that can be. This turned out more poetic than I intended so I’m gonna go ahead and move on.

Again he’s awfully judgy for someone who gets his kicks from torturing a 4 year old.

Cale subtly messing with Venion by purposefully using the hand he helped the old man with to shake Venion’s hand. Also the fact Cale is more disgusted to touch Venion and Venion doesn’t realise it.

also is the lackey a servant? I thought they were but idk. Oh well, not important

Cale’s ability to say these things without giving away that he’s lying is truly impressive.

Oh good, Venion’s gone. I apologise that this one is more angry/less positive. I just can’t stand Venion or people like him.

Cale: lowkey rants about everything wrong with the interaction with Venion

 also Cale: I’m not that angry though

maybe not angry necessarily but he is very much disgusted. Even then he is a little angry, which is fair

again don’t get how exactly Cale would look bad in this situation, especially when compared with Venion

honestly Choi Han and Cale’s conversation here is actually great. Cale almost comforts Choi Han, and shows that he understands how Choi Han feels and where he’s coming from, and he agrees with him. He validates Choi Han so much but his plan to destroy Venion is different. Choi Han could and would beat Venion up, maybe even kill him, but Cale, Cale takes the things he and the Marquis care about the most, their status, their power, their image, their money. For people like Venion and the Marquis that’s much more devastating than a beatdown they could recover from and use as ammunition. And then he doesn’t even really ask or demand Choi Han helps him, he offers, gives him the chance to decide or agree to help on his own, and it’s such a subtle difference, but an important one nonetheless. Also don’t think either of them realise but they’re already besties at this point.

Choi Han is such a delight

Here’s the thing, Cale was already pissed at Venion before they even met and now he’s made him even angrier. i don’t think anyone can help him now. Like he was already beyond help but, now, it’s not just I’m going to punish you for what you did to Raon. It’s I’m going to do that and I’ll enjoy every second of tearing you apart and watching you be clueless I’m responsible until it’s too late. God I love that version of KRS Cale. Kinda want a dark Cale fic now. Not necessarily a villain but also kinda. Same Cale, just wants his people safe, but if anyone regardless of the side their on messes with his people they get the same treatment as his enemies, whether they’re a hero, villain, neutral. And where he enjoys bringing them down as well. Idk the idea of dark KRS Cale is so interesting to me. And slowly the characters around him become just as dark. Like he simply can’t lose anyone else so if anyone poses even the slightest threat to his people, they’re very quickly dealt with. Anyway not important

[knightyoomyoui]

The Tale Of The Bloodline | TWICE MiSaMo (Mina, Sana & Momo) x Male Reader- CHAPTER 6: “The Fighting Machine”

HAVE YOU WATCHED THE NEW MISAMO "DO NOT TOUCH" MV? IF NOT, GO AND STREAM IT! DON'T LET YOURSELF MISS OUT A MASTERPIECE!

Previously on TTOTB CHAPTER 5...

The mysterious person finally removes the hood blocking off the face, making a quite loud reaction from the fans. She revealed her identity, Jennie, half of the crowd and the rest of the production team of the company were all familiar at this person that turns out to be a WOMAN staring down with fierce at Jennie.

"That is Hirai Momo, The Myoui's younger cousin!" Knight introduces Momo to Kwangsoo and to the other people watching from their TVs about who is she.

"The fighting machine, the meanest in the bunch, the federation's developmental program standout, Yuta's cousin and another member of the Nakamoto family is here to cost Jennie the World Championship and help her cousin out!" Knight says as everyone watches Jennie reaches for Momo's hair and pull it towards her, making Momo to hop in the ring but the referee broke up the two while warning both possible disqualification.

Not wanting it to happen, Jennie lets go from Momo but as she turns around she was met by an emphatic spear by Yuta. The referee counted to three and it completed. The Seoul crowd booed as the announcer declared Yuta's win and still the Japan Federation World Champion for 700 plus days.

Yuta raised the title and presented himself as the defending champ in front of the devastated, saddened and unamused Seoul crowd for the loss of their pick and their very own hometown representative Kim Jennie.

Yuta exits the ring and reunites with Momo who's waiting for him. The two both nodded at each other and Yuta smirked at her as they began to walk out of the arena triumphantly after accomplishing two important things to do for tonight: retain the title for The Bloodline and let the people be introduced to the newest addition in their group through a surprise appearance which would serve also as the main roster debut, in the name of Hirai Momo.

SEPTEMBER 9, 2023 | ONE WEEK LATER

Kicking off this episode of Friday Night Shutdown, the entrance theme of The Myouis played in the arena as their titrantron presented in the large screen; alerting the crowd of Sapporo to rejoice their arrival.

Seconds later, the twin siblings and the current tag team champions Myoui Mina and YN walks out together with the Honorary Muse Minatozaki Sana as they energetically feeds off the atmosphere with their good mood they're feeling to walk out and show the world that their successful status is still intact after what happened last week at Clash In The Combat.

All of them left South Korea while retaining the titles. However, it wasn't that strong to feel joyful at that achievement when the group's one member and that is Sana herself who missed the entire event due to a sickness.

But still, all of them still feels the same way as they know that they got what the desires in the end nevertheless.

"Please welcome, the current Japan Fightful Federation Tag Team Champions, The Myouis and Minatozaki Sana!" Shutdown's ring announcer Song Jihyo exclaimed to introduce them.

The three posed with their signature one finger up into the sky before they walked through the camp, vibing to the entrance theme while keeping up with their bad attitude, ignoring the fans throwing mixed reception at them.

"When it comes to the Bloodline, Kwangsoo; you gotta talk about the numbers." Knight talks to his partner on the commentary team. "Because The Myouis has been the tag team champions now for 418 days and ofcourse the Empire Chief and the Highness of the Land Yuta Nakamoto with a whopping 740 days as the World Champion in over 2 years of his reign.

"I thought the numbers you were talking at Knight is a reference to the members of the Bloodline which grew this past Saturday and officially will grow in only a matter of moments." his partner Lee Kwangsoo replied. "I said it back at Clash In The Combat, The Bloodline is as deep as they are: dangerous and badasses since birth. And Minatozaki Sana who is like an invaluable neighbor, always making sure that nobody's checking on your windows when you're out of the town."

"Sounds like a pest." Knight argued.

"Makes sure that the trash cans are not down in the road."

"Sounds like a pest." Knight repeated.

"N-no, he's not like that. I think he's more of a friend than a pest, Knight." Kwangsoo defended the Bloodline fron Knight.

"Someone who can't mind his own business, yeah."

The Bloodline enters the ring and Sana snatches a mic from a production staff after requesting one. The entrance theme has been stopped from playing in the background to let The Bloodline start their opening segment.

"SAPPORO!" The crowd cheered.

"THE BLOODLINE IS NOW IN YOUR CITY!!!" Sana raised his finger to the sky, encouraging the rest to do the same as their sign of acknowledgment to the powerful group.

"THROW YOUR ONES UP! THROW YOUR ONES UP! EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU, THROW YOUR ONES UP RIGHT NOW!" Sana commanded the crowd as he circled around the ring to let every sides hear her audibly.

"That's what I'm talking about! I'm feeling the heat- do you feel it Minari? You know what I mean?"

"Yeah."

"Yes, ofcourse you do!"  Sana high fived Mina and hugged her which elicited a gummy smile from the champion.

Sana turns over to her left to ask the same question to YN. She was about to hug her but YN glared sharply at her, effectively paused her movements and instead retreats her hands from almost touching the irritated individual.

"W-well we do have some serious things to talk about, yes. But right now I want to talk about this. You know, growing up as a young Honorary Muse-"

Sana was interrupted by YN during her speech which puzzled the latter as he used his mic to speak up to her.

"Alright, look. I got it now Sana, That's funny but you gotta chill." YN said.

"Y-yeah... chill." Sana got shy and decided to just understand it, backing away as she nodded.

YN took the spotlight, having the initiative to express what's on my mind next. "To all the doubters and haters, your Empire Chief Yuta Nakamoto is still your Japan Fjghtful Federation World Champion!"

The crowd becomes divided with their reaction. Some went cheered, some gestured and echoed boos at them.

"At Clash In The Combat, Yuta Nakamoto beats Kim Jennie in front of her hometown!" YN continued. "Little does Jennie just know how this bloodline runs deep!"

"And now, Sapporo. I want everybody to get off their feet." Mina speaks up after her twin brother. "Put your ones to the sky and help me welcome the newest member of the Bloodline: the fighting machine and our younger cousin, Hirai Momo!!!"

Everyone did the gesture as the theme played in the arena, lights directed at the entranceway when Hirai Momo finally emerged for the first time in the main roster, allowing the crowd to take a closer and clearer look at her appearance for them to be familiar with now that they learn that this dangerous woman right here is now a new member of such a dominant faction in JFF's recent times.

Momo enters the ring. The Myouis greeted their younger cousin, and Sana did a kind nod before they let her stand in the center.

Sana reached for another mic and gave it to Momo, who is about to address something in front of the live audience.

She stood straight and with tough composure, staring fiercely into the camera as she raised the mic near her mouth to prepare herself.

The crowd is going louder with the boos, but the stoic woman is left unbothered thanks to the additional support being sent by Sana, who is whispering it to her.

"You come for my family, and I did surely as hell that I will come for you." Momo spoke her first lines to the main roster as she pointed at the camera to sent a message directly to Jennie who is watching at the backstage.

"You create problems, and I finish it." Momo glared seriously around the fans who are watching her, probably dissatisfied and disliking the decision of her also adapting the unpleasant character being possessed by her family members.

"Hirai Momo is here to stay and I promise you, because of me... The Bloodline just became stronger and better than ever." Momo assured as The Myouis and Sana all nodded in agreement.

"Because Kim Jennie, you're just a part of the twos... and WE. THE. ONES!" Mina exclaimed, signalling the others to do their symbol of higher power again with confidence.

Suddenly, the crowd erupted in cheers when the arena played another theme, but this time it wasn't coming from a cold-blooded fighter but rather a vengeful and defensive one who has his sights set on these people in the ring responsible for her loss at Clash In The Combat that she didn't deserve to get.

Kim Jennie walks out and marches into the entranceway with a steel chair in hand. All of The Bloodline members left and stayed out of the ring as they let Momo, who remained inside, take care of this problem on her own.

"Uh oh, Kim's heading to the ring and Hirai's not backing down." Knight said as he watches the scenario going on.

As Jennie reaches the unoccupied side of the ring, Momo approaches her, but she caught her off guard when she pushed the folded chair through her midsection, bending Momo as she stepped back into the ring.

Jennie enters, and she was about to smash the chair off into Momo's back when, out of nowhere, Sana hurries and pushes Momo away, causing her to be the one who takes the impact of the chair smashing onto her back.

Sana gritted her teeth and reacted painfully to that hit. The Myouis distracted Jennie by attempting to go into the ropes, just for Sana to roll out of the ring. They ran and helped Sana and Momo, who were attacked, as Jennie stared down at them furiously.

"I want you. I WANT YOU TONIGHT!" Jennie shouted at Momo.

"You want to fight me?"

"YEAH!"

"YEAH! COME ON! YOU WANT A FIGHT, YOU GOT IT!" Momo points at Jennie with a smug on her face.

"LET'S DO THIS!"

" I'LL BEAT YOUR ASS TONIGHT!"

"It looks like Kim Jennie wants a match to happen tonight wth Hirai Momo. She clearly haven't forgotten what she did to her last Saturday which costs her to win the title from Yuta." Knight said before the camera cuts to a backstage interview with another fighter.

---------------------

After two matches have passed, the crowd and the people watching through their TVs at home had their attention shifted back to The Bloodline when they were showed at their locker room having a group meeting together.

"You got this, Momoring. This is it. This is what you've been waiting for!" Mina motivates Momo who is getting pumped up, nodding through every uplifting words being said to her.

"Yeah, level up. Level up with that, couz." YN joins with Mina's thread of encouragement.

They both stopped when they heard the door open, their eyes drew towards Sana who just entered the room.

Mina and YN looked at Sana who became unresponsive, especially when Momo stepped forward and stared intensely at Sana before her eyes travelled up and down to check out The Honorary Uce.

"Yuta said he chose a girl, huh." Momo stated.

She scoffed. "You?"

YN grinned at Momo's tone sounding like she's judging Sana's apperance while Mina remains blank as she just listened closely to their conversation.

"He's right. I appreciate the help on this one, Sana."

YN's smile faded away, he crunched his forehead and massaged it while Mina smiled at Momo's appreciation for Sana's service.

"Well..." Sana grinned and chuckled. "I mean...  Yuta knows what he's talking about so..."

"Ugh bruh please..." YN spat out bitterly with a slight disguise of hilariousness in his smile.

Mina and Momo glared at YN while Sana exhaustedly and unbelievably glanced at YN.

"Now what?!" Sana snapped out as she heard that same belittling and mockery of a remark she always get from YN.

"What?" YN pretends like he didn't knew what he did.

"He's at it again!"

"Sana. Sana, calm down. Please." Mina said as she acted immediately to lessen Sana's irritation.

"Tonight ain't even about this, guys. Tonight is about her!" Mina pointed to Momo as she scolds the quarreling duo. "She's about to make a statement for The Bloodline, right? Because Momo here is now a representative for The Bloodline."

"Yeah, I know but I just want to let him know and I want her to know that with anything you need, we are all here looking out for you, okay?" Sana responded to Mina and reminded Momo simulteanously.

"Yes."

"He knows."

"Yeah, I know he knows." Sana stated the obvious.

"But tonight he needs to do it alone." YN did a reminder of his own too. "Kim Jennie called you out, sis."

"Yeah yeah she did and she will regret it." Momo nodded, agreeing to YN. "YN, right, that's why I have to do it on my own... but if I needed help, I trust you."

Momo looks at Sana. "You got it."

Sana was about to invite Momo for a handshake when YN slapped her hand away, startling Sana while Momo shuts her eyes and gritted her teeth in annoyance at these two's dislike for each other.

"Scratch that. No, change of plans. Tonight, we all will be going out there. Sounds cool?"

"I'm in with that." Mina is in favor with YN's suggestion.

"That's good."

"It's cool, I guess." Sana just shrugged and pursed her lip.

"Yeah, let's go. You can do it, Momo!"

YN, Mina and Sana exchanges words of motivation again to hype up and help Momo be fully engaged for a battle later on with Jennie by keeping her to realize how important it is for her to win tonight.

----------------------

It has come to the main event for tonight. Jennie and Momo had their respective entrances, with Momo having her first ever entrance in the main roster after debuting last week through a surprise appearance during Yuta and Jennie's title match.

They settled the ring and stood at each corner, where they eyed each other with all seriousness. The referee became convinced to start the match, the bell rang, and both immediately charged at each other.

During the match, Momo tried to run towards Jennie, but she avoided it, throwing her instead from the top ring, rolling in the canvas, and ending up outside the ring.

Mina climbs near the turnbuckle, where she tried to distract the referee and Jennie, but without effect, as she rather ate a right-hand punch from Jennie.

Jennie plans to fly and crash through Momo and Mina, who are being checked over by Sana. He ran through the ropes to boost her momentum, but he got caught by Sana, who clutched one of her feet to disturb the advantage.

Jennie tugged on Sana's hair and pulled her up, enabling her to yank her inside the ring. Sana ached at how strong the impact was when her back was the first thing that landed on the hard surface at that height.

As Sana crawls away from Jennie, she doesn't have any idea that the latter is instead thinking the opposite. She went into the other turnbuckle and raises his arm, the crowd cheered when they recognized already what does it mean.

"3...."

"2...

"1!!!"

Jennie began to ran when Sana rotated her body, aiming for a Pink Venom only to meet with a devastating superkick from Momo right into her face. The sound of the impact was so crunchy that it made the commentators went "ooh" on the contact.

Sana rolled out of the ring. Momo pinned Jennie who collapsed in the canvas. The referee started to pin.

"1... 2..."

Jennie kicks out at two, swinging her body to the side. Momo was stunned, even Mina, who is watching on the ringside, had her hands placed on her head in disbelief that Jennie was still able to hold on.

Momo put all of her strength into slowly lifting Jennie's body until she could stand again. She tried to carry her on her shoulders, but Jennie hopped out, rotating her body and rather meeting a headbutt from Jennie.

Jennie ran through the ropes. However, The Myouis dumped her out of the ring by tugging the ropes down. The referee didn't see that since he was busy dealing with Sana, distracting him with her fake complaints.

Because of that, The Myouis had the opportunity to unleash a beatdown on Jennie, both punching her at the same time.

YN stood up and did some stomps to Jennie's midsection while monitoring if the referee stopped giving Sana attention. They were so busy weakening Jennie that they weren't aware that they had just awakened a calvary for them.

"Wait a second! Here comes TXT!" Knight Yoo calls out the involvement of the tag team who just recently got drafted from War to be a part of Shutdown.

"Huening Kai, Choi Beomgyu trying to even the score!" Kai and Beomgyu was seen punching each of The Myouis, seperating them away from the mauled Jennie.

Sana saw what's happening at the ringside near the ramp. She joined the fray, helping Mina taking out Kai while Beomgyu is still busy fighting YN.

When they saw that YN successfully put down Beomgyu, Mina and Sana joined him, and now all three of them have begun teaming up against the dominated fighter.

Little did they know that Kai was slowly climbing to the turnbuckle. Sana titled her head and caught a glimpse of their enemy now standing high on top. She alerted Mina and YN, but of course that only sets up Kai to perform his attack in mind.

He jumped from the turnbuckle, did a high dive, and crashed through all three members of The Bloodline, creating a dump of beaten bodies at ringside.

The crowd cheered at how awesome the fight sequence they were witnessing was. Multiple attacks and crazy spots back-to-back are enough to make the match already awesome and interesting to watch.

Jennie recovered from the hits she took from The Bloodline, returning to the ring. Momo, who is also recovered, slowly approaches Jennie and tries to carry her again on her shoulder, but Jennie hops out and pushes her to the ropes.

Both catapulted from each other, but that's the secret for Jennie to execute a Pink Venom rocket kick to Momo's face, who slid away from the ring after Jennie hit her finisher.

Jennie roared in rage after Momo gave her more business to throw her back in the ring and finally pin her.

She was about to, but in a shocking incident, someone just appeared from behind Jennie, trapping her neck in a choke hold. "OH MY GOD! I-IT'S KANG SEULGI!!!" Both Knight and Kwangsoo scream their lungs out at the surprise interference caused by this fighter. This wasn't the first time Seulgi targeted Jennie but her apperance still became unexpected because this match mostly highlights being Momo's in ring debut in the main roster.

FLASHBACK

AUGUST 5, 2023 | 1 MONTH AGO

The Bloodline is having a segment to close the show with Sana being absent due to her incoming match for the Fatal 5 Way No.1 Contender for the Intercontinental Title and Jinyoung also who is still on the recovery after the beating he got from Yuta's previous opponent and his former long-time client back at SuperSlam.

"But there's a few things that needs to eb addressed before we get into all of that." says the Empire Chief and the current World Champion Yuta Nakamoto.

"You see, number one. Let's talk about Jeong Jihoon." Yuta mentioned the name of Jinyoung's former client and one of his longtime and popular archenemies he had throughout his entire fighting career who he beat at SuperSlam to finally close their book once and for all.

The crowd slightly booed more because the crowd of Hiroshima mostly supports The Empire Chief.

"Hey, I hate him too." Yuta heard that reception and agreed with them. "I hate Jeong Jihoon... but I respect that man."

....YET I STILL HATE JEONG JIHOON!" Yuta repeated when he noticed that the crowd died down when he complimented him. Fortunately, the crowd cheered again.

"It is not what you think. We hate Jeong Jihoon because he tried to kill the wiseman." Yuta explained. "As you can see, we don't have our special adviser here. We're not sure when is he going to be back so at the end of the day, that's what happens.

You get to be slammed repeatedly onto the table and you'll get to be brought onto the hospital so right now, I just want to send my prayers to the wiseman."

Their segment got interrupted when the arena played the entrance theme and titrantron of 'The Korean Warrior' Kim Jennie, stealing the attention of The Bloodline with Yuta furrowing his eyebrows.

"I don't think that's what prayer sounds like." Kwangsoo said.

"Yeah I'm not sure that Yuta's done either." Knight agreed. "But here comes the woman Yuta is going to face at Clash In The Combat, the number 1 contender for the title, Kim Jennie."

Jennie has a mic in hand and uses it to speak to The Bloodline about her thoughts. "These peopl have heard enough, all I want is to get my hands on you and I can't wait until Clash In The Combat." she said as she walked down in the ramp.

"But if you all want me to tear apart The Bloodline right now, LET ME HEAR YOU SCREAM!" Jennie throws away the mic as some of the Hiroshima people created noises in their anticipation for an impending brawl here to happen.

Jennie flexes her hands as she slowly makes her way into the ring. The Myouis and Yuta became alert and prepared for his attack until both sides and the entire crowd present in the arena were distracted when a familiar gloomy and tragic entrance theme and a titantron displaying a visual of dark clouds, a red moon, and a silhouette of a black crow little by little flew closer and disappeared at the bottom of the arena.

The Bloodline and Jennie kept on watching when suddenly neither of them noticed that Jennie got blindsided from behind when she took a blow to her back caused by an individual who, for others, had already recognized this woman.

The referee saw it and had no other choice but to instantly command for the ring to be rung, concluding this match to be a no contest, meaning that none of the fighters were a winner or loser.

"What the?" Knight said as he tries to figure out what's going on with Jennie being repeatedly slapped and punched by this mysterious person.

"Is that..?" Kwangsoo on the other hand, seems to almost recognize the woman ahead than Knight.

"Jennie is assaulted and ambushed by... that can't be. I-is that?"

"KANG SEULGI?!" both Knight and Kwangsoo finally corrected the identity of this woman who just made a surprise return into the main roster.

Seulgi proceeded to slam Jennie's head over and over again into the steel steps before she screams terrifyingly.

"Kang Seulgi is back and she's attacking Kim Jennie! The former 2 time champion in Japan Fightful Federation's developmental program is making her return to the main roster after she left the company 2 years ago!" Knight explained to everybody watching who might have forgotten this menacing and diabolical dark personified fighter has been since before.

As Jennie slowly crawled away from Seulgi, she lifted her body up only to receive a killer elbow swing from Seulgi to the back of her head.

Seulgi slowly stood up and faced The Bloodline, who was just watching her click the lights off Jennie's senses.

She reached out to her bag, which she had dropped aside before charging through Jennie. Seulgi pulled out her signature black hourglass and placed it at the ring, in front of The Bloodline, especially at the one she's sending a message to: Yuta Nakamoto.

She reversed the hourglass, letting its sand inside to start falling down.

"If anybody might have been confused what does this mean..."

"It means, tick tock. The clock is ticking. Could it be Seulgi is probably telling Yuta that his reign is running out of time, ladies and gentlemen." Knight cited his insights as Yuta was shown confused alongside YN and Mina who all don't get what does this hourglass symbolizes for their faction's fate.

The show then ended with Seulgi standing at Jennie's unconscious body while staring down The Bloodline and pointing directly at Yuta's title, confirming Knight's guess.

After her return, she began doing segments explaining why did she attacked Jennie and her intentions to everybody in the Shutdown roster.

She continued to disturb both The Bloodline and Kim Jennie. Back at The Bloodline holding a celebration for Yuta Nakamoto's 2 years anniversary of his championship reign, she sent out a cryptic gift to Minatozaki Sana who is the one in charge of hosting the ceremony.

She was confused and weirded out why would anybody would gift a champion... a bouquet of black roses with a message saying "Enjoy while it lasts."

Seulgi was also present at the main event of Clash In The Combat as she watches Yuta and Jennie fight for the titles. That's why she's aware of Jennie's defeat and the expansion of The Bloodline with Momo's surprise debut being the cause for Yuta to retain the titles.

END OF FLASHBACK

"THIS LUNATIC IS CHOKING JENNIE OUT!" Knight said as Seulgi succeeds on making Jennie powerless, crashing onto the canvas where it allowed her to tighten the hold further and wrap her legs around Jennie to make her sleeper hold unescapable.

"The Queen Of Doom, this crazed maniacal Seulgi delivering the doomsday prophecy she has prepared for The Korean Warrior!"

Jennie is doing everything she can to escape Seulgi's sleephold, slapping and hitting her head from behind but that only makes the latter become infuriated and tighten the choke even more, which Jennie now started to struggle on her breathing.

"We need help out here! Somebody send help to Jennie here guys!" Knight pleaded on the commentary as they can see how Jennie is beginning to fade away.

"Wait, Jennie is trying to fight her way out of Seulgi's sleeper hold!" Kwangsoo reacts as the crowd cheered when Jennie slightly gets up on her knees with Seulgi still wrapped on her back.

"... but not enough." Knight continued when the crowd became saddened that Jennie has already given up, her body dropped again. "Kang Seulgi has completely decimated Kim Jennie."

The show ends with The Bloodline walking out of the arena as Momo didn't lose nor win in her first match while Jennie was left faded to black by Seulgi until the medical and security personnel finally rushed to the ring to provide assistance for Jennie and separate Seulgi from her.

[alovelyburn]

Rambles about the Millennium Falcon Arc Part 2

You know, I really should have just tacked the Griffith stuff here onto the last one, but it was so long.....

Anyway as a result this is a bit of a transitional piece that covers Griffith’s establishment of his Apostle inner circle as well as Farnese and Serpico’s backstory. Ahoom.

Oh and headsup for discussion of... incest I guess? Eh, you know what I mean, if you’ve read Berserk you know what they’re like in this part.

Rambles about the Millennium Falcon Arc Part 2

1. So, one thing I forgot to mention, is this kind of subtle heart theme that turns up in Neo/Femto’s stuff, like Femto’s entire chest reflects it as well...

With his chest muscle area resembling a biological heart which then heads down into a series of stylized hearts. It’s interesting – the heart theme I assume is a call to his role as the King of Longing – it seems analogous to Slan’s dildo corset. Things that represent them. I have to look closer at Ubik, Conrad and Void to see if they have anything similar.

 Anyway, back to Griffith scaring the hell out of Kushans.

 2. I love how Griffith just kind of waltzes over there and kills this guy. It does remind me of an old conversation I witnessed where people were arguing that Griffith in his current form isn’t a good swordfighter anymore because he doesn’t have a bunch of swordfighting feats. I think that’s a little silly though, like okay he came back to the world and just left all his skills behind, sure.

3. So, because Miura never really broadcast what Femto/Griffith could do (and sometimes showed things quite subtly, although obviously not right here), I’ve seen a lot of confusion over this and people just kind of forgetting some of the things he can do, I’m going to try to keep track of his demonstrated abilities. None of them have official names obviously but this one I call “Immunity to Violence.” Specifically physical violence, because it appears that physical weapons just don’t connect with him at all – he doesn’t block them or dodge them they just never touch him. I wonder if this is the issue Guts ran up against in recent chapters.

Guts definitely got closer than like, the arrows but that could have something to do with the amount of force or the fact that Guts was closer to begin with?  Who kooooows.

Yeah, I’m sure that the dozens or hundreds of arrows that just fell out of the air and landed roughly the same distance from him all at once was a coincidence, cool. I mean, obviously this guy doesn’t even believe it, it’s just such a silly thing to say.

4. I don’t remember whether I’ve talked about this before, sob. But I often think about like, why some apostles’ human form have an actively bestial look to them, like Zodd, and some are just entirely human looking, like Locus for example.  And then you also have some people in the middle like Grunbeld. There’s a few things that could explain this.

-They could get more bestial over time like vampires in some vampire mythos will tend to do.  I don’t really think this is it, though, in part because Grunbeld is quite a young Apostle but he still looks partway to Zoddville.

-It could be that their “human” form as an apostle is not necessarily what they looked like in their human life, like it could be that it reflects something about them or their desires. This is probably more likely than the first, and someone like Wyald is strong evidence for that because his actual human form was a frail old man while his Apostle human form was, well, Wyald.

-It could be that they just don’t all walk around in full human or full awakened forms all the time. Maybe if they go fully into their human form they look like they did in life, but some of them choose to live in a mid-transformed state. This is the theory I like the best, because it explains a number of things, such as Grunbeld being obviously too tall to be human. It’s also probably correct, because you do see Rosine stop at different points along the human to apostle scale.

That really had nothing to do with anything but anyway.

5. Locus is one of those characters I wish we had more information on. But I also wish we had more information on.... people who have powers but aren’t mages or seemingly otherwise magical. Sonia is the obvious first example – a seer, a medium, a telepath, just kind of out of nowhere. In the Grunbeld novel, they have another character who had some kind of psychic or mystical oracling ability, and then we have this mention by Locus.

Generally speaking I find Berserk’s worldbuilding quite fascinating and well thought-out, although I do think there’s a shift in the kind of world this is meant to be between the Black Swordsman arc and the Lost Children arc. @Chainusser has discussed how the basic components of the world seem to have switched from the middle ages to somewhere approaching the renaissance, for example – Miura loved his anachronisms, but I do think that’s true. But that’s only one of the changes really – we also started getting oracles and psychic girls out of nowhere which honestly maybe shouldn’t bother me since the witches also came out of nowhere, but I do kind of want to know what their relationship to the world is. Are all their visions sent by the Godhand the way the blind priest in Conviction’s were? That’d be pretty uh interesting.

5. “The wind whispered that the world had begun to change.” I love the way the world starts to warp itself in response to Griffith’s presence or even just the approach of a time when he’ll be present. It happened in the Golden Age, and it continues to happen. It’s one of the things that makes me think the reincarnated Godhand of a given millennium is meant to change the world for its next era – the world literally starts to prime itself for major changes.

So what do you think the chances are that Raksas is actually the one who takes out Griffith? Can’t say it wasn’t foreshadowed if so.

I love this bit a lot – the brutality and chaos caused by the Apostles and the casualness with which they present it.

One of the things I like about this whole sequence, the whole thing from Griffith’s arrival through the Apostles kneeling before him is... the sheer carnage that they cause when they arrive, breaking down gates and decimating dozens of fighters in a handful of seconds. Because it does underscore the strength of the army Griffith ends up commanding but also the brutality of them, which contrasts beautifully with the more controlled and civilized way they behave once Griffith gets his talons on them.

I also like... how freaking menacing they look back there.  Now this is kind of interesting, too:

6. “That’s the Hawk of Light. The savior of the world. Or perhaps...”

Schierke’s first appearance. I think it’s interesting that she refers to Griffith as both the Hawk of Light and then on the next page as the Hawk of Darkness. She also reflects some uncertainty as to what he is and what he is there to do – the savior of the world, or perhaps...

One of the things I notice about the way the mystical types perceive Griffith  -- and I’m not going to claim this is universal because I’m ultimately just referring to the ones I can remember – is that they don’t tend to refer to him as an inherently malevolent force but rather as a confounding force that creates... chaos as a byproduct of his existence. Here I’m thinking all the way ahead to Elfhelm, where the people Guts talked to about Griffith perceived the monsters and destruction he created not as an end to itself but as something done in order to accommodate his creation of Falconia but I mean we’ll get into that more later I’m sure.

Anyway the point is...

 Schierke obviously finds him distressing and dangerous – I think at some point he’s actually called dreadful? Maybe that was a fan translation. But it does make sense considering one of the first things he does is start burning down powerful witches. Even so, he does have this air of ambiguity to him as is appropriate for one whose actions may cause suffering or salvation.

Also, Master of the Sinful Black Sheep (Apostles), King of the Blind White Sheep (humanity). I’ve seen it suggested that the latter is the Holy See specifically which I guess would work as a messianic reference, but I do think it means humanity as a whole since his deal is that he’s leading all of mankind into one nation under, well, him.

7. The destruction, the violence, and the beauty that shines through it and overrides it, it’s very appropriate to Griffith, don’t you think?

I wonder if every incarnated Godhand becomes the master of the Apostles or if it’s just part of Griffith’s specific thing. Better than that, though, I wonder if there were Apostles when the last Godhand incarnated.  That might seem like a somewhat random question, but this is something I’ve been thinking about for a while now: when Void’s Eclipse is shown there are no apostles anywhere. And the name Apostle in itself suggests followers of something or someone – a messianic figure for example. Also, we’ve never met an Apostle older than Zodd, and he’s only 300. Now obviously there could be older ones out there we’ve never met, but it is interesting isn’t it? It wouldn’t be farfetched to suggest that they are, well, Apostles of Griffith specifically and that this specific form of human-turned-demon may have been created specifically for this era.

Okay so lemme talk a little bit about Griffith for a moment.

I always say NeoGriffith is my favorite of all the Griffiths – and he is. He is the embodiment of all the things that draw me so powerfully to Berserk – the embodiment of the questions raised by the worldbuilding, and his enigmatic nature is incredibly intriguing to me: what does he feel? Is it anything? How does he feel about his situation? Does he have regrets? Is he happy? Is he capable of happiness? Does he find Falconia satisfying, or does he miss the people he lost? Obviously that One Scene, you know the one, seems to imply that he does miss them and does harbor some regrets. But at the same time he also implies that he doesn’t feel that way until the transitional period between Moonkid and NeoGriffith, thus implying that on a day-to-day basis he’s fine.

NeoGriffith is, like I said, an enigma. I’ve seen people say he comes off as a bit robotic, going through the motions of fulfilling the things Griffith wanted to do for no particular reason other than that Griffith once wanted to do them. I’m not sure I’d go quite that far, but there is a certain emptiness to him and it’s hard to say whether it’s because he himself is empty or because honestly most of what he does amounts to going through the motions because he lives on a stage and he is in a constant state of performance. He does show hints of reactions from time to time that seem genuine – the smile as he walked away from Rickert after being rejected comes to mind – but most of the time it’s like he’s semi-sleepwalking through life, and the thing is that does make sense because ultimately Griffith as he is now is a fundamentally different kind of being than he was as a human.

Also, Miura once commented that he wrote Griffith as someone who didn’t talk about his mental state, which does imply that there’s something going on there beyond what’s immediately evident – especially since that was a response to someone noting that he seems like a secondary protagonist after his reincarnation. So he wasn’t talking exclusively about Griffith’s emotional and psychological issues during the Golden Age. There’s something happening behind his placid surface.

But all that said.... he does lack a lot of human Griffith’s charm, and sometimes it’s difficult to believe that it’s the same person – although, in fairness, it isn’t really.

But all that said as well, I will note that it’s actually pretty hard to tell how much like Hawks Griffith he really is, because when we knew Hawks Griffith we saw him through Guts’ experience, and Griffith was never “normal” about Guts. My point being its entirely possible that from the outside – from the perspective of people who weren’t the best friend Griffith was in love with and confided everything in – the personalities would not be as visibly different as they are to us.

(In fact I’d say that’s probably the case.)

Miura once said that Griffith’s return to the world was the beginning of his and Guts’ relationship as adults. So that’s interesting, too.

And now on to Farnese and Serpico!

8. The relationship between Serpico and Farnese is kind of awkward to write about, because of the Serpico/Farnese relationship being weird and because as a result I’m going to have to talk about incestish-tinged emotional relationships. But here we go.

In one of those quotes posted on Twitter, Miura talked a bit about his unwillingness to do that anime thing where someone is really strong but has a skinny body, so he felt like Serpico’s formidability had to come from his speed. I don’t think he directly mentioned Serpico’s wits, but I do think that not unlike Griffith, his mind is one of his stronger assets, and so is his ability to play pretend. I mean I can see why some people consider him to be a Griffith type even though as I’ve said before I don’t really think they’re that similar.

Anyway, for a small kid without money, developing those skills – learning how to defend himself without brawn, learning how to outsmart an enemy or let them think he’s helpless and then snap out at them becomes key to his survival. He still kind of uses that strategy – appear meek and weak and then unleash when necessary.

But even though the skills in question end up helping him later in life, when he was a kid it just made things more difficult – he talks about having to bear the pride that his mother put on him and having it stripped away daily. It seems like her insistence that he remain prideful tended to force him to his feet when he was attacked but instead of saving him, it made his tormentors even more cruel, and the beat him down until that pride drained out. And then he’d go home and have it pushed onto him again. It’s another thing he has in common with Farnese later – the weight of “family” expectations that he can never live up to. That, really, he doesn’t even want to live up to.

I guess his mother had “consumption”, aka tuberculosis? Because I don’t know that untreated advanced cancer would have allowed her to live long enough to end up burning on the stake whereas TB may give you a few years. Plus she was having coughing fits.

It’s interesting to me how this idea – the dream that is a burden – keeps coming up, particularly in reference to these poverty-stricken people who are meant to try and raise themselves up to nobility. This makes sense because in the kind of society we’re talking about here, it’s almost impossible to actually achieve that feat, so trying to do so is like trying to run on quicksand. In Serpico’s case he isn’t really allowed to let go of that and try to build a life inside the world that he actually inhabits instead of the one she dreams of him entering.  

It’s a bit different with Griffith because he’s... Griffith, I mean he’s built different. But even he found it burdensome by the end. Serpico also lacks Griffith’s unrealistic charisma and I’m not saying this to bag on Serpico I’m just saying that he lacks the Griffith option of turning his enemies into followers, so all he can do is try to survive them.

Enter Farnese.

Yeah she did think that. I mean I guess the thing is, at this point in their lives they’re both needing something the other can provide. Farnese, living in this loveless house, neglected and ignored, is desperately looking for someone to love her and pay attention to her – thus the progressive set of animals she tries and fails to bond with which is a whole other issue. But I do think she initially took him in for the same reason she picked up all these animals. If he hadn’t taken to her, I’m honestly not sure what she would have done. Thrown him on the pyre too? Kicked him out into the streets? Probably something like that.

But that doesn’t happen, because Serpico has basically been primed for this moment by his mother’s insistence that he aim to enter noble society. ...he’s also been primed for it by the events of his life as a poverty stricken kid who has to support his dying mother and himself, and is constantly getting beaten half to death for it. For him, as ill-tempered as she is, Farnese is a savior of sorts – she takes him off the streets and out of the cold and gives him a better life, and because she does he is able to afford a caretaker for his mother, thus lifting that off of him as well.

The fixation he develops on her as a result of that reminds me of Casca’s fixation on Griffith, or Farnese’s fixation on Guts – though it manifests differently because Serpico is a different person. But, you know. As a result of this person upending the world they felt trapped in and showing them a new way of life, they develop this devotion to that person. Although I will say in Serpico and Farnese’s case, in many ways she didn’t free him so much as give him a more comfortable cage.

9. The way Farnese treats Serpico is, you know, completely abusive. It’s also odd because there seems to be very little motivation behind it, and it’s not as though she doesn’t care about him. I think one big thing is that at this point in her life, Farnese is still in the habit of trying to control everything that she feels threatened by or is afraid of – not to say she’s afraid of what Serpico would do to her but rather she’s afraid of being emotionally invested in someone who doesn’t invest back.

Which brings me to what I think is the primary reason she does this: as a test of his devotion. It’s something people with a fear of abandonment do sometimes: push people to see whether they come back. How much do you love me? If I say this thing, will you forgive it? Do you love me enough to overlook how mean I am? Do you love me enough to not get mad when I hurt you? Do you love me enough to stay when I tell you to go?

If the target leaves, it just confirms their fear that they’ll always be left behind. But at least it hurts less if they know it was their choice.

And if the target stays... it’s not enough. It’s never enough, because they always think the next thing will go over the line and they’ll be alone again.

Serpico recognizes that isolation and loneliness in her because he lived with it in his own life. I imagine too that part of the reason he sticks by her so hard is because of what he did to get there: he failed his mother – left her alone and unable to fend for herself, with only a caregiver to spend time with. He chose Farnese instead. Having made that choice, he can’t go back without making it all worthless.

Which isn’t to say he doesn’t love Farnese or that he wants to abandon her, I don’t think that’s the case at all.

Something ghastly compelled her – it’s the fear though, isn’t it? Farnese is afraid of a lot. And her way of staving off that fear is to try to control it and if she can’t control it, then she tries to join with it. A fire can’t burn its own flames. Lightning can’t strike itself. If she keeps dancing with the storm, then it can’t sweep her away.

Editorializing moment but while I understand what’s going on here, it’s also the only thing I have a hard time with. I’m an animal person, idk what to tell you.

I like how Miura let the reader and Serpico come to understand Farnese bit by bit together. Not that you could tell from how I frontloaded info oops.

But the fact that she’s willing to burn her beloved keepsake because of an offhand remark from her father speaks volumes. She’s chasing his shadow, trying to be seen. Trying to win affection from a rock. Basically.

Serpico understands her, though, because even if they come from different places and had different experiences, they know the same pain. They both lived in isolation and loneliness in their childhood. They both spent most of their time afraid. To bury that fear they surrounded themselves in walls that obscured their core selves from the world – even though to do that left them cut off from the things they wanted to reach for, alone in the cold.

And I think this – this moment when he comes to truly understand her and chooses to stand with her even when she tries to push him away – its really the moment when their relationship started developing in the direction that it did. For better or worse. ...mostly worse, really, at least until later.

And the reason it’s mostly worse is this little catch in the road. Because the thing is I... this is a I guess a controversial topic, but for me it was always very obvious that Serpico and Farnese were kind of... I mean, look, I’m not trying to make a statement about children having romantic feelings for each other (although I mean, they do – I remember when I was in like 5th grade people talked about who they had crushes on all the time, they even “dated,” idk, do people not do that anymore? I HAVE NO IDEA, I DON’T KNOW ANY CHILDREN) but I am saying the relationship between them is... romance...flavored? And I mean, I guess some people have a hard time seeing/accepting that because they’re siblings but like, they didn’t know that at first, and Farnese still doesn’t know. I’ll bring up some other stuff in a minute but first let’s just say... their being related changes the trajectory of their relationship in a way that neither ever fully adjusted to.

 And we’re about to get into all that in this next chapter I guess!

"Time passed within the labyrinth. The two saplings beneath the snowy drift became bent and entwined as they grew. And before they knew it, trees begin to extend their branches beyond their miniature garden... bearing curious fruit.”

Farnese uses Serpico as a shield between herself and the obsequious social climbers trying to cling to her skirt. That’s the thing, like she’s obviously snubbing them but as soon as we move away from her and see what people are saying about it...

No one cares about her. No one’s talking about how sweet or intelligent she is or how charming or how beautiful, it’s just gdi I want to marry into her family. And I mean look that’s probably because the only thing of the above that they can attest to is her looks – she won’t talk to them so it’s not like they know how bright she is or even what her personality is like once you get close. But knowing that must be a turnoff for her when she has Serpico there at her side. Besides if she marries into some noble family isn’t that the same as staying there? Wouldn’t she just end up alone in a house again?

And okay here comes the uhh incestish portion of this treatise.  I know it’s a touchy subject, and I’ve had some disagreements with people who don’t believe there was anything particularly romancey going on between them, but I’m going to state it and back it up, and by the way it’s not like I want them to get together ok, it’s the same thing I always do: just look at what’s on the page and take it for what it is.

Okay so the point about them that I most often see is that Farnese only asked to run away with Serpico because she was desperate to escape the arranged marriage, not because she had any particular romantic interest in Serpico himself. I’m here to say that’s incorrect and here’s why:

First – the way she treats him, the way she whips him and then gets noticeably excited by it, and the sexualized way in which her interactions with his bare skin are presented are extremely reminiscent of her reaction to whipping Guts back in the day... which was very obviously because she was attracted to him. ...and to whipping, I guess. Also....

Second - Serpico is aware that she’s into him before the arranged marriage thing comes up, he’s just kind of ignoring it. In the guidebook there’s this one bit where it says that she uses her actions toward him as an outlet for her feelings and desires. Which makes sense because the more she loves the more she fears, and so she lashes out and she gets possessive and she tests and she hurts him in order to reassure herself or comfort herself, or vent the things she wants into a more “acceptable” form if you consider whipping your servant and biting him acceptable I guess, I mean uhhhh it’s not but you know, maybe it’s more socially acceptable than having a relationship with an underling even if he is titled.

Sometimes I feel like the way Farnese treats Serpico is the way some weirdo Griffith haters think he treated Guts, lmao. You know like the people who are all, yeah he had feelings for Guts but obviously he was super-abusive. Like I don’t know if they have whipping headcanon going on or what. Anyway.

More on that in a second, but first...

The juxtaposition here is really cool – Look at the way the page is constructed with the panel layout of the bottom a reflection of the top, emphasizing the way Serpico and Farnese’s experiences and relationships with their defining but absent parents are similar and different. In Serpico’s case, his mother is mentally absent – because she’s so sick, he grew up in a state of parentification. He had to fend for himself. Farnese is the same way – she grew up in a gilded cage instead of a hovel and the streets, but even so she was left to raise herself, emotionally abandoned, and each of them were ultimately subject to the demands and expectations of those parents which forced them into roles they wouldn’t otherwise have taken on.

And this expression – the same face she had on when her father told her to throw away her beloved bunny doll. Parental relationships can just be like. Needles under your skin, I don’t know.

Okay so like, Farnese doesn’t know they’re related, you know? She isn’t asking him to do this just so she can escape – she has feelings for him, Serpico was already aware of that. That being the case, and knowing how terrified she is of abandonment or rejection, and the fact that to issue this request is to defy the orders of the father she’s been chasing all her life... imagine how hard it was for her to ask him this.

I don’t really think that she’d made this request if she weren’t in love with him, because it’s too big a risk. If it were like that – if all she wanted to do was escape – there’s no reason she couldn’t have just said let’s leave, fuck this place. She didn’t have to frame it as a romantic overture. But the fact that she comes out with this now, right after her father announces that he’s betrothed her to some guy she doesn’t know, is also pretty telling. It’s her last chance to try to say what she hasn’t been saying before it’s too late.

 And I think...

The shock and pain on her face when he rejects her speaks for itself. I just think after all they’d been through together, and everything she’d thrown at him without his complaining, and all the times she tested him and found that he was always still there with her... she didn’t... expect him to reject her. This ultimately sets her off into a frenzy because...

Remember, when she hurts, or is afraid, she tries to control it, and then she tries to merge into it. It’s just the same as when she feared the burning outside her window and fought it by throwing torches on the pyre, or when she was afraid of the storm so she went out and started dancing with it, destroying things. I think... the fact that her father is trying to oust her from the house, that the person she thought returned her feelings rejected her (which to her mind means she’s now trapped into this marriage), she feels like it’s burning her down, so she expresses her pain by burning everything else down too. And that’s why....

She is able to calm down when Serpico saves her, and holds her.

The thing is, when she tried to initiate a romantic relationship with him and he turned her down, she probably registered that as the end of the road basically – the thing that finally drives him away from her. But when he saves her, when he still cares about her and stays with her, she’s able to regain enough security and stability to stop her rampage. But the thing is...

Remember she is a person who is terrified of rejection. The fact that she never brings it up again doesn’t mean that her feelings changed. It means that she is never going to take that risk again, because she barely survived it the first time.  Also honestly, when someone rejects you, leaving it alone and not bothering them about it is probably the right thing to do, you know?

I think Serpico’s feelings are a little more difficult to read, in part because he’s so masked up all the time. But in an interview Miura does refer to him as analogous to Andre from Rose Versailles, which is telling if you know the story because he’s the attendant who loves Oscar and stays by her side even though he has no reason to believe he’ll ever be able to be with her. It also got into Miura’s theory on romantic ideals – the three types of man that he believed women would dream of, in Farnese’s case being the faraway one that she longs for (Guts), the one who sticks by her side (Serpico) and down to earth guy with money who woos her (Roderick). It’s also mentioned elsewhere that Serpico has “special feelings” for her, which could mean anything really. And their relationship is described as having the “outward appearance of a mistress/servant relationship, but....”

NOW, LISTEN. I don’t want anyone walking away from this thinking I want siblings to hook up, lmao. It’s not that, it’s just that I think that... it’s important to register where these characters are coming from because we’re about to go on a long journey with them, and one that both challenges and changes their dynamic. If we can’t recognize that Farnese and Serpico have this kind of like emotionally incestuous thing happening, or that those feelings never quite faded (at least up to this point in the story), then a lot of things later make less sense.

And the other thing is... Farnese has no idea that this is even an issue. She doesn’t know Serpico is her brother. To her, he’s just a guy she loved who rejected her. So this story looks very different from her angle than it does from Serpico’s or the reader’s.

Anyway, moving along.

It’s interesting to me how Serpico... is like “yeah maybe this is where she’s meant to be!” Because the last time we saw her burning things with that look on her face, he recognized it as a coping mechanism – pushing people away. But at the same time, I think at this point he was probably just relieved and pleased that she had found something, since they were no longer able to be as close as they were. The distance that came up between them after he rejected her means that he can’t warm her the way he used to, even though he’s still there at her side.

Somehow I forgot that the people they were burning weren’t even pagans, they were like... Lutherans basically, yeesh.

This is like the final boss in Serpico’s life. Sorry that’s kind of callous but what I mean is, he’s been running from his past for so long, struggling with his feelings about his mother who was ... not a good parent but through no fault of her own. And he had that... caretaker’s curse of half-wishing she’d die, and at the same time still loving her, and hating her. He ran from it really – has he even stayed in regular touch with her?

...yeah, Lutherans. It’s tragic though because it’s not like she even had the capacity to understand or decide to join this other sect, not that it’s okay to burn people for being Lutherans anyway.

This is such a heartwrenching moment. The thing is, it seems cruel – it is cruel. But she’s trying to protect him. In this moment, surrounded by the Holy See’s knights, what can they do?

The scene of the burning there, that’s from when Farnese burned her beloved worn down bunny. Because her father told her to, and she ultimately... chose to follow his edict rather than holding onto something she loved.

So. Farnese tells him to burn his mother – the broken down thing that he still loves – and he does it. So he can follow her, at the expense of losing something he held onto until now.

The metaphor of fire that keeps coming up in Berserk – fire that keeps the dark back, fire that marks the presence of a true leader. For Farnese, fire means a way out of the cold that she’s lived in her whole life. Serpico lived inside it with her, and they gave each other warmth, but as long as they were trapped inside the world defined by others – the Vandimions, the church, they would never truly be able to thaw. Serpico seems to recognize this drive in her  - the way she’s drawn to Guts’ light, ironically enough, given that he is so dark.

It foreshadows, too, the way Guts will change their dynamic as Farnese develops her feelings for him, and Serpico... deals with that.

All right, well, that was longer than I expected. Just proves I can bang on forever about literally anything because I never thought that much about Serpico’s past before.

You know what I have thought a lot about though? The Beast of Darkness, which is coming up next time same hawk time same hawk channel.

[dotthings]

Just another head’s up to please block tumblr TeamFreeWill2pointO and don’t buy into their posts about ratings and TW.

Since they continue to tag their anti-TW, anti-Jensen backhanded spinning onto the show tags and Jensen’s tag on tumblr, I’m pouring out another pot of warning tea.

Their “sources say” is actually the 1st AD who answers questions on reddit, this is publicly available.

2PO tried to pretend they have an inside line, and spun things in a negative way against TW’s chances.

The actual source was multiple replies from the 1st AD indicating the numbers on TW look good, fans should keep watching and keep streaming, they don’t have information yet on renewal, keep doing what you’re doing, thanks for your support, even if CW cancels it, it will be shopped around.

Sounded pretty upbeat. The numbers look good.

1st AD also said that “on the ground in NOLA” they’re hearing 4-5 scripted series from CW

That is more than just 3.

Neither number is official, 4-5 is what the 1st AD has heard on the NOLA tv production gossip mill, “less than 5” is what THR heard. So I wouldn’t assume too hard either way but hey, maybe it’s more than just 3 scripted shows?

The “sources say” troll wants fans to believe TW is in terrible danger and Walkerverse is a sure thing, a tactic they’ve been on for weeks.

Panic must be closing in.

Also claims their “sources” “say it could go either way” — sources like THR? In the article I just read myself? Unlike some other websites, THR doesn’t do laughably obvious PR fluffing for Walkerverse or play games with rounding demos and backhanding TW. THR threw their arms up in the air and went “could go either way” for everything on CW. That is not insider information.

Reminder, this is the same troll who kept lying about M&G’s. Their “itk” for M&G’s were Jared stan friends buying con regular gold seats and M&G’s, and they lied about what was said to twist everything to anti-Destiel. These are the kinds of Jared stans who threaten Destiel shippers in realspace. Reminder, this troll tried to doxx someone from the POLOL server and is still waging their years long unfounded targeted hate campaign against the server owner and everyone in the server. They’re a bitter Jared stan and an anti who tried to con the Destiel lane by posing as a “nice multishipper” and it blew up in their face. Currently their favorite game is backhanding Jensen and TW in order to fluff Walkerverse because they’re obsessed with Jared.

Know your fandom trolls and avoid them.

[avereage]

The doctors, who have recently returned from volunteering at Gaza’s besieged hospitals, are expected to meet White House officials and senior members of Congress this week to warn that pledges of increased aid to Palestinians under bombardment are largely meaningless without an immediate ceasefire to allow safe distribution of food and the revival of healthcare services.

Professor Nick Maynard, the former director for cancer services at Oxford University who worked at the al-Aqsa hospital in central Gaza at the beginning of the year, accused the Israeli Defense Forces (IDF) of “appalling atrocities”.

“The IDF are systematically targeting healthcare facilities, healthcare personnel and really dismantling the whole healthcare system,” he said.

“It’s not just about targeting the buildings, it’s about systematically destroying the infrastructure of the hospitals. Destroying the oxygen tanks at the al-Shifa hospital, deliberately destroying the CT scanners and making it much more difficult to rebuild that infrastructure. If it was just targeting Hamas militants, why are they deliberately destroying the infrastructure of these institutions?”

The UN says none of Gaza’s 36 hospitals is fully functional. A dozen are partially working and the others are destroyed. On Monday, the Israeli military again raided the al-Shifa hospital in Gaza City. Medical staff said the IDF killed and arrested Palestinians inside the hospital.

Maynard said he believed the closure and damage to the hospitals was part of a strategy to force Palestinians out of their homes.

“It persuades the local population to leave. If a hospital has been dismantled, if the locals see there is no medical care available and see the disrupted infrastructure, it’s yet another factor that drives them south,” he said.

The Gaza health ministry estimates Israel has killed about 32,000 people, the majority women and children, in response to the 7 October Hamas attack in which about 1,200 Israelis and others were killed. But the doctors said that with most hospitals closed or overwhelmed, there are tens of thousands more Palestinians with severe wounds that are not being adequately treated beyond immediate emergency care and many of those will die or be left with disabilities.

In addition, hundreds of thousands of Palestinians are now at risk of starvation, because Israel has blocked adequate food supplies to Gaza. The UN has warned that Israeli restrictions may amount to the war crime of deliberate starvation, and the EU’s foreign policy chief, Josep Borrell, has accused Israel of “provoking famine” and using starvation “as a weapon of war”.

Maynard, who has volunteered in Gaza repeatedly over the past decade as chief clinician for Medical Aid for Palestinians, said he travelled to the US because he does not believe Americans are hearing the full story.

“I felt a real desperation to counter some of the false narratives coming out of Israel, but also out of a lot of the western media and governments. The particular thing, which so many people believe because it keeps being repeated, is that the Israelis are protecting civilians. What we witnessed refutes that completely,” he said.

“We’ve witnessed appalling atrocities in Gaza and we’re desperately keen that people know about it. I witnessed indiscriminate killing of vast numbers of innocent civilians. I spent two weeks operating all the time. I operated on far more women than I did men. This notion that they’re targeting Hamas militants – I saw the most appalling injuries in children. Awful burns, traumatic amputations in children.”

The doctors fear worse to come after the Israeli prime minister, Benjamin Netanyahu, this week again rejected an appeal from Biden to call off a ground assault on Rafah in southern Gaza, which is crammed with more than one million displaced Palestinians.

Ahmad said that an assault on the area “will be catastrophic”.

“It’ll be a bloodbath. You have a place that already didn’t have the infrastructure for the one million who are there. Now they’re talking about a ground invasion with people not being able to go anywhere else. Everywhere is devastated,” he said.

[g-kat423]

An update on the state of my fics

Worry not, they are not on an official hiatus(I swear, it’s just really bad writer’s block and I am trying to find ways to coax myself back into writing) nor are they discontinued.

This is about my works and where they’re hosted. Ao3 is currently the only place I am hosting my works. I had been crossposting on Wattpad since late 2021, but I found out rather quickly that I didn’t enjoy how the app worked with its ads, algorithms, and generally young user base. I kept posting though because I figured it wouldn’t hurt to cast a wider net since some people only read on Wattpad. I also originally joined to keep an eye out for plagiarism as it was unfortunately becoming common for Lady D fic writers to find their completed/in progress fics being uploaded on Wattpad without their consent by some rando who wanted attention. I figured if there was a chance of my fics ending up there, it would be of my own volition and then it would hopefully be easier to get copycats taken down should it happen.

Well, as of today, I am no longer hosting my works on Wattpad. I have wiped the account of all fics and have encouraged everyone to follow me on Ao3 where the fics shall live on. I already had an issue with Wattpad in February. One of my fics was removed without warning due to a guideline violation they didn’t specify. My guess would be because the fic contained sexual content, but it was marked appropriately as mature and their rule about sex in fics is subjective and weird. You can have it, but its sole purpose can’t be sexually stimulating?? All erotica serves to be sexually stimulating so what’s this magical sex to story ratio? No matter, I reuploaded the fic and haven’t had a problem since. Until now, that is.

Today (or late last night since it’s currently 3am whoops) I became aware that Wattpad is doing a massive purge of fics as they’ve updated their community guidelines(afaik they still allow nsfw with that same subjective rule but before they allowed smut with 16+ since they’re Canada based and that’s their age of consent, but now all sex has to be between people 18+ doesn’t matter to me anyway since I only write sex between 18+ parties) and have now implemented ai tools to flag fics. This new ai moderation also added a fun new feature, shadowbanning! So basically when their lil ai bot flags your fic, it delists it from the search which removes it from the ranking until it’s properly reviewed and deleted or relisted and able to be searched again. Sure enough, I checked my fics and most were shadowbanned because hey, I write a lot of erotica, but everything was always marked as mature 🤷🏻‍♀️ there were only a couple that still were in the rankings aka not shadowbanned, but you know what? Fuck censorship and fuck ai moderation when it comes to fics. Ao3 might be slow to remove tos breaking works, but at least they’re all reviewed by humans and there’s no such thing as mass reporting since a work can only be reported once. I already lived through the 2012 FFNET purges and watched in real time as my favorite fics were deleted and authors left the platform for good. Luckily for me, I don’t care too much about Wattpad as Ao3 was where I started sharing my Lady D fics and I’ve always prioritized updating over there first. I just hope that my Wattpad exclusive readers make the switch and aren’t too upset by me removing my works, but I figured it was best instead of risking getting my whole account nuked since I can advertise my ao3 on my profile there as well as my final announcement.

For those of you who do crosspost or host your works on Wattpad, just keep an eye out and make sure you have backups of your work because when Wattpad deletes a work, it’s permanent and there’s no appeal process. They also don’t have the courtesy to send you a backup. Oh and be sure to check your works to see if they’re shadowbanned. If you look underneath your work and it doesn’t have the #1(or whatever number) in one of the tags you used (so like #4 in sugarmommy), your work is shadowbanned and not searchable which means it was flagged and might be deleted.

Anyway, ourwickedlies on Ao3. The Wattpad still exists as does a squidgeworld account, but ao3 is the only place that has my works.

[sanisse]

What about a NSFW alphabet for our boy Lindir? Elrond wouldn’t want him to feel left out lol. Also, I mean, it’s Lindir, need I say more?

yessss I LOVE him. He's so heartbreakingly gorgeous. Lindir's one of my blorbos and I feel like he's criminally underrated.

Lindir NSFW Alphabet

small cw for mentions of uncomfortable/bad past experiences. 

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Sleepy baby

No but really he has such a difficult time staying awake after sex. He’s also kind of no thoughts head empty/a little dumb. Embarrassingly easy to fuck stupid. 

If he’s subbing (which is often) subspace and subsequent sub-drop lasts a long time for him and he requires a lot of aftercare. 

Very clingy. Please hold him and give him forehead smoochies. 

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Tbh Lindir’s kind of insecure about his body? I think if you were to ask him, he would say he really likes his eyes. He genuinely thinks they’re pretty (they are!) and likes that about himself even if he isn’t super proud of the rest of himself.

He’s a body-worship guy so really he likes every part of you, but he does have a hand and finger kink so expect a lot of palm/wrist/hand kisses and sucking on fingers. It gets him going. 

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

opaque but very runny, doesn’t come a lot. Just a little splatter, really. 

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Has a number of kinks he finds embarrassing and worries about (but we aren’t here to kinkshame him!!). BIG consent play kink, mild pissing kink, big cockwarming/objectification kink, gigantic humiliation kink. He’s such a kinky little bastard and he so deeply wants to just be used. 

But more specifically on the lines of a dirty little secret: he so desperately wants Elrond to use him. I cannot even describe how much he thinks about this. No thoughts head empty. Definitely masturbates about it. Elrond has definitely caught him masturbating to this. He just deeply longs to be fucked over Elrond’s desk in his study. I don’t make the rules. 

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Not super experienced. He hasn’t been around the block a lot and actually has some bad past experiences with male partners. It was a shock to him to discover that bottoming isn’t supposed to be painful. 

As a result he’s easy to accidentally bully in the bedroom & bad at communicating and requires a very careful gentle partner (even if he does, in his heart of hearts, want someone to just fuck the shit out of him. Please be gentle with him to start!! Good communication and proper consent is new to him!!) 

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

When bottoming/receiving: missionary or-- not entirely if sure if this has some kind of official name, but spooning? With him being the little spoon. He also likes prone bone. Basically anything where he’s getting smothered and held. :) He prefers to bottom. 

If he’s topping (which he’s good at but doesn’t prefer, but will do if asked), he still likes spooning and missionary. He also really likes cowgirl and reverse cowgirl because he still feels like he’s bottoming. He gets kind of worried that he isn’t doing a good job so he prefers his partners to take their pleasure into their own hands if at all possible. 

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Serious isn’t the right word but he’s very worshipful. He can get kind of anxious or worried very easily, though, and hyperfocused on making things good for his partner. It’s difficult to get him to relax. 

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Completely hairless absolutely everywhere but his head and the smallest little happy trail on his stomach. 

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Needy, worshipful, attentive, adoring. He is simultaneously the best and worst partner you might ever have. When Lindir is really secure and confident in the bedroom he is just-- *chef’s kiss* wide saucer eyes that are only for you, so much oral (SO MUCH ORAL). He wants to kiss you, hold you, touch you, pleasure you. He will figure out everything you like as fast as he can and do all of it.

When he’s unconfident, though, he can be very stressed out, uncertain, and anxious. Has definitely had a panic attack once or twice during sex from the sheer worry that he isn’t being good for his partner. Again-- he requires a lot of patience, love, and reassurance due to past experiences. 

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

His masturbation exclusively includes fantasies of his current partner. He’s very private and very embarrassed about his masturbatory habits and will be shy about it if caught. He doesn’t like to masturbate in front of his partners (unless it’s in a bdsm context and he’s been told to and then it’s very hot for him). 

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Lindir’s just a kinky little bastard. As previously mentioned: he has a consent play kink and an objectification/humiliation kink. He also melts over being told he’s being good, though! Praise kink goes hand in hand with his humiliation kink and he can come from either.

He has an oral fixation and has come from giving oral as well. Multiple times. He literally doesn’t even need to touch himself. Specifically especially if he’s getting his throat fucked by Elrond his partner and his partner comes? It’s enough to make him come: his partner’s pure pleasure at his expense.

He also may or may not have a daddy/mommy kink which he’s not super aware of but two certain someones may fulfill for him. 

OH and how could I forget: he has a free use, gangbang, and breeding kink that all go hand in hand together. He’s WAY too shy to act on all but the breeding kink of his own volition but if his partner figures out about the gangbang/free use fantasy he’ll be an utter mess for them. 

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

He actually really likes the thrill/humiliation of semi-public spaces, but private rooms are more conducive to all the cuddles he likes post-sex. 

Very partial to being held and fucked in the bathtub. 

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Exertion of dominance. Commands. Even the smallest little things from a partner (folding clothes/doing chores, helping them get dressed/undressed, etc). 

Collar him. He will melt.

Kiss his neck. Tell him he looks pretty. 

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Substitution (please don’t pretend he’s someone else even in a kinky way. It hurts him). 

Degradation/name calling that goes too far. A little degradation/name calling is very fun for him, but don’t make it super personal. And keep away from any insults that mock his sexual skill (some people really like being made to feel inadequate. He’s not one of them). He’s more of a “please call me a whore” than a “please tell me I’m a useless pathetic mess” degradation kink person. 

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Uh yeah. This is one of his favorite things.

Like honestly it might be his favorite.

Don’t get me wrong he does really like sex but he also just...???? LOVES giving oral. Doesn’t matter if he’s eating pussy or sucking cock it’s just his favorite thing. Smother him. Hold him down. Fuck his face. Use him. 

Alternatively, lie back and let him pleasure you for hours. He’ll do it happily.

Alternatively-alternatively: he absolutely loves being a cockwarmer. It sends him into subspace in point five seconds.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

When topping: slow, passionate, very gentle as a default. Can fuck hard if asked but doesn’t naturally default this way.

When bottoming he is just dying to be fucked within an inch of his life. But will unconsciously melt and cry if you just make love to him (he forgets it’s a thing and just...yeah he’ll melt). 

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Quickie ambivalent. The problem with quickies is that he really likes to be held/cuddled after sex and quickies aren’t super conducive to this. 

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

VERY experimentation positive. He loves trying new things! He can be nervous but is a very good sport about new stuff.

It’s hard to get him to admit that he wants to try something new, though. It takes a lot of coaxing and he’s easily embarrassed. 

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Comes extremely fast but doesn’t really ever seem to flag. 

Like, embarrassingly fast lmao. You could lightly blow on him and he’d come if he’s worked up. This is why he actually really likes cock rings and cock-cages. 

HOWEVER, like I said: he can come and come and come and come. One after the other after the other. This does get extremely tiring and he can easily accidentally be pushed into overdoing it. 

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Oh he owns a LOT of toys and is very shy about it.

Lindir’s a size queen. The toys in his underwear drawer are extremely large and he’d absolutely die if anyone found them. 

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Teasing ambivalent. Positive but ambivalent. He doesn’t like to tease his partners since their orgasms are honestly what gets him off, but he will tease if asked to. 

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He is LOUD.

Adorable, but loud. High pitched whimpers, mewls, gasps, moans. Will yelp and scream. Tends to be very incoherant when he’s turned on so don’t expect any sentences. Just lots of begging and praise but mostly little whines and mewls. 

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Fantasizes about being asked to take care of Elrond’s guests for him.

Elrond would never ask him to DO such a thing of course! But Elrond has absolutely entertained this fantasy for him and it was very fun for all parties involved. 

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

He’s small. It’s really cute, actually. About four and a half inches and average girth. Pale with a cute blush-pink head. 

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Two words.

Horny. Bastard.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Uh.

I’m pretty sure he’s fallen asleep during sex.  

[fruitcoops]

Would you write cubs where one is traveling without the others or they’re all 3 away?

Since yesterday's fic was dialogue-heavy, I rolled it back a bit for today! Welcome to the Logan monologues, brought to you by @oknutzyweek's prompt #4: Travel II Home <3 This is set in the gap between Gryff and Harvard during chapter 9 of Coast to Coast, and the Cubs belong to @lumosinlove

Four hours.

Logan let his head fall back, then gave in and flopped fully onto the mattress. He knew he probably shouldn’t—Finn had remade the bed before leaving as some sort of last-minute ritual, and he’d be bummed if it was all wrinkled when he came home. If he even noticed, that is. With the way he was feeling right then, Logan had plenty of other bed-related plans that did not involve inspecting the duvet.

He stared at the ceiling, then checked his watch again.

Three hours and 58 minutes.

Finn had officially been gone for half an hour.

They had all packed the same amount of clothing—well, perhaps not Finn, a notorious overpacker—and all three were destined for the same final spot. Logan knew that. Hell, he had the plane ticket tucked safe and snug in his wallet, NEW ORLEANS printed in big block letters with a flight number that matched the one on Finn’s ticket and a seat directly next to his. They had been planning it since before the Cup, and yet Logan couldn’t help but privately pout a little at the emptiness of their closet he could see through the crack in the door.

He flipped his phone around and around over his stomach (he could still feel Leo’s hand pressing there if he closed his eyes) and tried not to crumble to his impulses.

Three hours and 54 minutes.

Speaking of the Cup…Logan kicked his feet where they dangled off the edge of the bed and sighed. Both his boys looked best in gold, but that shining silver did wondrous things to Finn’s hair and Leo’s eyes. Sometimes, Logan felt rather plain next to them. How could he ever hope to compare to the endless night sky stamped on Finn’s skin or the constant rosy blush on Leo’s cheeks?

But they showed him. They loved him. They pushed and pressed and packed their love into all his corners, leaving no hidden nook behind until Logan felt like he would burst with it. When they were younger (and stupider), he had thought taking that love would hurt. That it would make him overfull and grate on the sensitive spots he had worked so hard to shelter. He hurt Finn over and over and over in consequence. They still hadn’t talked much about it, but for the first time in his life, Logan wanted to. Words were an agony so much of the time but Finn, as always, was the exception because he would burn for Finn O’Hara. He would build them for Leo.

Three hours and 50 minutes.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

His irritation sounded strange in the empty apartment. They had never travelled apart before, not really. Arthur never wanted to risk his players on different planes and Finn’s room was usually right down the hall from Leo and Logan’s own on roadies. Logan was struck with the sudden realization that they had never truly been apart since they started dating.

Ha. ‘Dating’. It was hilariously underwhelming and yet the thought sent butterflies through his stomach. He could date now. Logan had never been much for dating, some combination of gear-grinding pining for Finn and discomfort at the thought of sleeping with someone he knew more than a one night stand but less than he generally considered necessary to really enjoy it. And he certainly didn’t want to be the singular college hockey player alive that didn’t put out for their girlfriend—the OKN guys were great, but a locker room was a locker room.

Logan forced himself to stare at the ceiling and listen to the living room clock tick for a full sixty seconds before checking his watch again. He would leave for the airport at the three-hour mark and promptly zone out with his headphones plastered to his head for the entire flight. He hated traveling alone. He hated knowing the three of them were hundreds of miles away from each other.

Three hours and forty minutes.

--

One hour and eight minutes.

Despite the blissful relief of having Finn close and being forgiven, the second countdown was just as aggravating as the first and Logan let out an unhappy puff of breath as he tucked his phone away again. No more, he promised himself. You’re not allowed to check until you land or else your foot is going to bounce a hole right through the hull of the plane.

“Do you need to pee or something?”

“I need Louisiana.”

Finn’s look of confusion became a snort of laughter; he shook his head. “Oh, Lo.”

“What?” Sue him, he was grumpy. Several days without access to sunshine in human form did that to a man.

“Nothing.” Finn stretched his legs out with amusement lining every feature. “I just think it’s funny that whatever higher power made you forgot to put patience in. Oops! Sorry, Earth, this one is going to work himself into a fit because hurtling through the air in a tin can takes time. Our bad!”

Logan scowled through his blush. “I can be patient.”

“Liar, liar, pants on fire.”

“You are such a child.”

“Do you need me to think of a ‘your mom’ joke to really bring it home? I have a collection—”

“I think you got possessed by your sophomore self at that party.”

Finn batted his lashes. Unfortunately, it was adorable. “You loved my sophomore self.”

Low blow. Logan didn’t dignify that with a response and pointedly jammed his headphones over his ears again. He couldn’t handle Finn seducing him via being annoying in his own special way when they only had an hour left before his feet were on solid ground again. That redhead was like a fucking siren.

One freckled hand came to rest on Logan’s mid-thigh, a casual pat to those who couldn’t feel the reassuring squeeze. “59 minutes until Knutty,” Finn said. There was nothing but contentment in his voice.

--

Negative five hours and 32 minutes.

Logan shifted, hooking his ankle tighter behind Leo’s knee. The movement made Leo’s brow crease, but Logan leaned up and evened it out with a kiss. All he could see of Finn was his hand draped over Leo’s ribs, half-hidden by the light sheets. A strong heart beat steadily against his cheek—Leo was warm, warmer than he had been on the boat mere hours earlier and definitely softer. Their shower had started as a rinse to get the salt off their skin, but had quickly become sudsy hands reacquainting themselves after an absence of a few days and working conditioner into their windblown hair. Just being able to touch and hold smoothed the twitchiness in Logan’s stomach like sand on sea glass.

Leo made a soft, curious noise when Logan moved again, then sighed at the press of Logan’s chin on top of his head. “Dors, mon amour,” he whispered into Leo’s golden curls. All his muscles were pleasantly sore where they tangled with two pairs of mile-long legs. He couldn’t wait for long days of sunbathing and swimming; it helped that all swim trunks looked tiny with thighs and a rear like his boys had cultivated.

Louisiana moonlight streamed in through Leo’s bedroom window the same way it shone through their window in Gryffindor and the dorm at Harvard. Finn’s snoring sounded the same. Leo’s bulk felt the same under his hands, even as he curled up close against Logan. “Missed you,” Leo murmured, thick with sleep. Mon dieu, you really are an angel. A cold nose nuzzled into the hollow of his throat and Leo yawned. “Missed you so much. Bed was too big.”

For Logan, home wasn’t a house, or an apartment, or a boat with coolers full of crab. It wasn’t a frozen Rimouski winter or sweat-drenched Gryffindor summer. Once upon a time, he had thought a frat house where nothing stayed the same save for the permanent scent of beer in the air was his home, but hard nights had helped him understand that it was never the house that made him feel that way.

Home was impatience in an empty bedroom, even for just four hours. Home was a leg he couldn’t stop bouncing on a flight and gentle, familiar teasing. Home was allowing New Orleans to introduce the experience of drinking air with each breath just so he could appreciate the wind off the water as it ruffled Leo’s hair. Home was a full bed where he could feel one set of knees pressing into his thighs and an entirely different set of cold feet poking his shins. Home was fox-red hair spilling over the pillowcase and cornflower—no, summer blue eyes blinking up at him before closing once more when he left a kiss on Leo’s forehead.

Home had never been a place. It never would be.