#the only people who I have seen taking away her she/her pronouns were well... transphobes

[valkyrietookmoved]

i sent the og ask and i was genuinely curious since i’m new to the fandom oof

Aaah, welcome. Tried to be as explanatory and as less aggressive as possible just in case. But you know, have to keep your guard up there's some mean people around and you never know when they'll come out of the woodwork. Tumblr is a strange place and text is hard to get a tone out of mist of the time.

[endobiologist]

Trans Guy Tips #4; Socially Transitioning

Now this one is a tricky one, and it's a situation almost every trans person has to go through at some point in their life, unless they stay in the closet for life, but if you're planning to come out, and you don't know how to approach the situation and don't know how to judge if it's safe, I hope I can be a reliable guide for you on this journey.

This is usually the first step in any trans person's journey, before they physically transition, (which some don't as well). However here we're talking specifically about trans men.

So while some of the things I say could apply to trans women, always remember I'm writing about trans men from a trans man's point of view, so that's the targeted demographic here.

Once I learn more about trans women's struggles and things they go through, since I don't have the personal experience of it, I will definitely write trans women articles as well, and as well non-binary people.

So let's begin, with a list of important things to keep in mind whilst coming out to the world or at least to your family and close friends.

1. Safety is everything.

Always no matter what.

A good way to test if someone is going to be safe to come out to, is to casually bring it up in in a conversation topic, something like "What are your thoughts on lgbtq people, or specifically what are your thoughts on trans people?"

If they become aggressive and violent about it, and start being transphobic or defensive or any of the signs of bigotry, do not and I mean do not come out to them yet.

If it's a parent, I'd suggest at least wait until you're of age to move out, or have moved out, to come out to them. Sometimes people will get verbally and physically violent towards you if you come out to them and they're not accepting of it, so the most important thing is to always judge the reactions of people, and if they react well, then you can come out to them.

2. Always choose trustworthy people to keep your secret whilst you're in the closet.

There's been a lot of people who trusted idiots who they thought were their friends and they ended up outing them to the whole school they were in, etc. etc. But there was a lot of stories about this happening multiple times.

Make sure the people you tell would take the secret to their grave, especially if you're in an abusive household and can't come out for fear of violence.

3. If you're in a very abusive household, especially one that's openly homophobic and transphobic, as hard it is, please wait to come out as long as you possibly can until you have a place of your own and you're safe for sure.

A lot of people have been known to kick out their own children on to the streets because of them being LGBT, or do much worse...

Now of course these are some of the worst case scenarios, but being LGBT you always have to think about every bad thing that could occur so that you can prevent it.

4. When it comes to actually coming out, I would always recommend bringing a good friend or close family member who supports you, so that you have backup, not only for them to chime in and tell their piece and defend you, but just them being there makes the other person not want to be as violent towards you, because they fear what others will think of them.

If you're coming out to an extended family member or anyone, don't trust to do it alone, always bring a good friend.

5. One of the best ways to come out that I've seen are ways that are jokey and hilarious!

It seems to smooth over and make it a much more pleasant transition for everyone, and usually even homophobic people won't get too mad, they might even laugh!

I've seen people bake cakes with the words "Surprise I'm gay!" on it, things like that.

Just little cute things that are nice to do for your parents or people you're coming out to, but make it a surprise and that you're actually lgbt!

Now remember though, always follow the first rule and make sure safety is priority, but if you know you're safe, but you're just not sure they understand, starting out with jokes helps a lot.

6. The second step you should do after coming out is always try to explain your side of the story.

If there are people who don't let you get a word in, let them know that you have important things to say and that they need to listen to you and then they can say whatever they need.

Explain how it feels to be trans, explain why you know you're trans, of course you shouldn't have to ideally, but unfortunately a lot of people won't understand unless they're given more information, as the subject is completely foreign to them.

I know my grandma specifically reacted so well, all she did was ask me questions about it, and once I answered all her questions, she hummed in satisfaction and she never questioned it again and completely accepted me.

And a lot of times you'll get people who are pretty neutral, people who will call you by your chosen name and gender but don't really totally care as much as you want them to, but they still go along with it and just kind of assume you know what's best for you, which is a really kind thing really.

I've had a few people react neutrally and it's actually relaxing, there's no pressure put on for being gay, either over positive or over negative. but I have to say as a trans person and gay person, and grey-ace person, I love the people who ask questions the most.

I don't mind answering, and it means they're trying to learn more about something they don't understand, which means they have a huge heart and huge open mind.

Some people may get annoyed at the constant questions, but I absolutely adore them.

To me, every time someone asks about me, they're showing interest in my life and my feelings.

7. Next the scientific method.

Look up on any scientific article anywhere, and you'll find studies done on trans men and women's brains.

It was shown factually multiple times, over and over, whenever they repeated it it did it again, that trans men have the same brain structure as cis men, and trans women have the same brain structure as cis women, and non-binary people have somewhere in the middle. This was factually proven, you can look it up, so if they try to use science to defend against you, educate that that science is actually for LGBT rights and has explained how it works even.

8. Try to be gentle when it comes to pronouns.

For a lot of people, especially people of foreign languages where some languages don't have genders, or will have different genders, or other things like that, or even just English speakers that aren't used to saying 'they', or your family not being used to your pronouns yet.

It can take a while, and I know it's frustrating, it could take even a few years for them to finally get it right every time.

It's not supposed to be an attack towards you, it's genuinely hard to reprogram yourself when you think someone is one thing your whole life and then it turns out they're the other thing! So be sure to be gentle with them while they're practising, remind them every time they make a mistake, but remind them gently, as they are trying to do the right thing, they're just slipping up due to habit.

In general, be patient with non-lgbt folks, if we're mad at them, it just drives them away, rather than driving them toward us to help and assist us.

We should be grateful for our allies.

9. Once you've come out and your parents probably still have questions, I would recommend sitting down and having family night where you read together some good articles about transgenderism, and LGBT+ in general.

If they're not familiar with it, this type of education can help them a lot to understand the terminology and how to address you, and basic respect for trans & lgbtq+ people.

Overall it's a learning experience for both of you, and it would be amazing to do if they're willing to learn.

Remember that it's a journey for all of us, and everyone has a lot to learn.

10. When selecting your name, I have one piece of advice/a question for you; "Does it spark joy?"

The most important thing, it doesn't matter how odd sounding it is, or differently spelled it is, or whatever your name is, if you enjoy your name, that's what matters.

Always pick the one that calls out to you.

And it's okay to change it from time to time, people need time to figure out who they are!

And with that, I conclude my fourth part!

I hope you were helped by this in any way, and thanks for reading.

[tssidesfics]

TSSides Anti-Fairytale AU

I’m not coming for fairytales. They have their place, but as an aromantic person...I do not feel seen. And then I decided to re-watch Enchanted (pirated, of course, because fuck Disney). And then this idea happened. 

Patton was a child-king who married his best friend when forced to, and then she died in childbirth. He’s given Roman everything he could, but he’s lived his life dictated by the advisors who’ve used him as a puppet king his whole rule. He’s miserable because he doesn’t like how the system functions but he thinks he’s chained to tradition.

Roman copes with his complicated relationship with his father by questing and almost dying, like, every other week. Anxious attachment for days. Boy keeps trying very hard to find a princess and can’t seem to figure out why nothing will stick. To which Patton goes “oh. He got it from me. Oops.”

All I know is Remus is aromantic and aplatonic and exactly as chaotic as he should be.

Roman’s birthday. Ball. The classic. He greets all the noble families and he’s seen those losers a bunch before, but this time, he meets a new “girl” with a family he usually hates who intrigues him. He is not a girl and I will not be misgendering him because ew, but, gist: Virgil, transphobic rich parents forcing him to conform to gender roles, absolutely miserable, in Peak Bitch (gender-neutral) form. Roman mistakenly believes he’s cured and talks Virgil up a lot. Convinces himself he’s fallen madly in love.

Problem is, he tells Patton, who’s shocked he found a “girl” but absolutely is on-board, and then goes to the family to ask for Virgil’s hand and there’s no Virgil.

Thus begins the Mulan ripoff but openly trans where Virgil poses as a boy servant at the castle because his parents can’t get into the castle willy-nilly and it’s the safest place to be. Absolutely loathes Roman’s very existence because that dumb bitch flirted with him while he was a girl and therefore VIrgil thinks he is The WorstTM. Then Roman catches him grouching about and decides to solve this by teaching him sword-play, mostly to give him the excuse to beat on a dummy with a sword-shaped stick. 

Meanwhile Roman is just le sigh I did it again. I connected more with a boy than a girl. Why did she have to run away? Now I’m doomed to be weird.

Well then assassins break into the castle and Ever-Paranoid Virgil immediately susses them out as bad news and uses the remnants of the ball to absolutely wreck them when they try to kill Roman and his father while they’re taking a rare opportunity to chat and bond. Patton decides he is Adopting This Child, fuck you, advisors, he’s as thin as a stick, and Virgil now gets to eat with the royal family. 

It’s the first time Patton has ever actually told his advisors to go fuck themselves. It’s the first step toward a positive turnaround and it happened because Patton’s dad instincts took over and nothing in the world is more valid than that, fight me.

Enter genderqueer icon morally neutral witch, Janus, all pronouns, who’s trying to topple the monarchy to enact lasting change and didn’t want to dirty her hands right away, but honestly people are so unreliable. So he gets onto Patton’s crew as a handmaiden and excuse you who gave the king permission to be actually endearing?

Roman feels slightly weird because Patton’s calling Virgil “kiddo” and he’s not calling him his son but he also treats him very similarly as he does to Roman and Remus, which isn’t great but is significantly better than it could be, but Roman’s got a crush. 

Then Janus finds out Virgil’s trans and reveals this. Virgil thinks he’s about to get blackmailed into murdering the only people who have ever cared about him and then Janus just rolls their eyes like “excuse you I’m evil not psychopathic. I can give you a potion to make your body reflect your mind. You in?”

“Great, so my only cure to stop feeling like frozen trash reheated in a forest fire is to accept the highly dangerous bribe of a definitely evil witch! Thanks! I hate it!”

Yes Virgil memes even in a fantasy world where Tumblr doesn’t exist.

Also Virgil and Roman are bonding. A lot. They’re getting very close and Virgil even lets slip that he loves Roman and then tries to fling himself out a window. Roman gets touched, stops him, and tries to kiss him, but Virgil leans away. Roman expresses confusion.

“I...I love you, but I don’t want to kiss you.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I don’t either. But I’ve...never wanted to kiss anyone. For any reason.”

“But...you still love me?”

“I do. I’m sorry.”

Roman...doesn’t feel as rejected as he thinks he maybe should? Honestly, it’s not totally a relief, but it’s just kinda...neutral. It’s not even a disappointment. 

Well, Janus is not evil and actually wants to run a kingdom (instating a committee mixed of educated rich fucks and working class receiving education) a whole lot more than Patton, who thinks she’s just...kinda awesome and very misunderstood. There’s a lot of hissing and grumbling that they’re not misunderstood, they’re evil, they don’t even have a tragic backstory, they just kill people to enact the change they want to see, just because they got ditched in a forest as a baby and was raised by a magic snake means nothing. The snake was a very loving and supportive parent.

Roman talks to Patton and Patton is like “fuck marriage rules. Fuck heteronormativity. Fuck my advisors. My kingdom is a haven for the gays. All the gays. Of every color. Come here and be merry and queer.”

Virgil’s just like “yo no reason but in this new world where it’s okay to love whatever gender is it maybe cool to be a boy when the world says you’re a girl?”

Janus draws a knife and glares at Patton and Patton’s just like “even if my partner wasn’t threatening to kill me I’d say it was fine why?”

“No reason.”

“Virgil.”

“What?”

“Is there something you want to share?”

“No.”

“Is there something you need to share?”

“Fuck you.”

“You’re being defensive again, Storm Grouch.”

Virgil sticks his tongue out. “Fine. People used to think I was a girl and I have a stupid body. Happy?”

And Patton learns from Janus the fine art of Validating The Fuck Out Of Gender.

The advisors stage a coop and lock Janus in an anti-magic cage, and then at the same time Virgil’s biological nightmares track him down and steal a spelled green apple from Janus’ shop they give Virgil. You know the drill. Deep sleep like death, yadda yadda.

Well, they immediately claim the body making a big dramatic deal about how they have to bury “her” and they’ll take “her” home to see her off and it’s so tragic, just as they were reunited, when the reality is they have the antidote back home, they’re just looking for control over his life again.

Except Roman goes off. “He is staying here where he--where he will be buried under the name Virgil dressed properly and if you came anywhere near his body I’ll kill you myself.”

Guess what constitutes a totally platonic, non-kiss related act of queerplatonic true love, bitch? Fighting your transphobic partner’s parents over their dead body.

Kingdom’s retaken, sweeping reform while Patton retires to be a stay at home dad to fix his relationship with his kids. Virgil gets formerly adopted. The stepparent is actually a morally neutral genderqueer witch who runs the kingdom fairly and justly, the central love story is trans and aromantic, and my queer ass is something resembling happy.

Logan is probably one of the advisors and the only one with sense who probably starts knocking off his coworkers after the coop because they’re all deeply, deeply stupid. Remus probably spends half the story making friends with a troll he brings in to save the day in the third act.

[sugrbugz]

their reaction to you coming out as trans!! : BOKUTO, KENMA, AKAASHI, OIKAWA, TSUKKI, & ASAHI ♥︎

CW: this covers topics such as gender dysphoria, transphobia, and ignorant parents. please be safe my loves!!

transphobes get the fuck outta here right now

also i’m ftm myself so i’m writing from my own experience! if you want a non binary one or even mtf let me know! ♥︎

BOKUTO

would be so very excited to go clothing shopping with you but also giving you all of his hoodies in the mean time-

would love to show you off as his official boyfriend, would fight transphobic people for you

“hey bo, can we talk?” you asked softly, only causing him to open his arms wide from where he was sitting on your bed. you crawled into his lap like you always did, your hands shaking a bit when your wrapped your arms around his neck. “what’s up little owl!” he smiled wide, flashing you that beautiful smile of his. “it’s sorta serious love..” you mumbled making his smile fall only a bit, it falling completely when you started crying. “lovebug? what’s wrong..you can talk to me baby” he soothed making you nod. “i know we’ve talked about your preferences before and i don’t know where i fall but-“ you hiccuped, trying to figure out how to say it. “i’m transgender..i want to be a boy” you sobbed out, ultimately terrified he’d leave even though you knew he wouldn’t. “no..” he started making you cry only harder, not even three seconds later were calloused fingers there to wipe them, “you are a boy..not want, right baby?” he smiled softly, kissing your nose.

KENMA

his emotions would hurt him first only because he wouldn’t fully understand why you’re so upset

best hair stylist in the game!! he’d do your hair so you don’t have to deal with judgemental old ladies and weird barbers.

would 100000000/10 drop anything hes doing to snuggle you since he knows how much of a bitch dysphoria can be

it actually happened by accident. currently you were in the bathroom, shaky hands on a pair of scissors you’d found in the kitchen. it was one of those moments. you weren’t officially out to anybody, not even your boyfriend just simply out of fear of being disliked. however when kenma came to use the bathroom after doing a five hour livestream her heart almost shattered right then and there. you were too into your head to even notice his presence, snapping back to reality when he took the scissors from you. that’s when the tears started. he was quickly to pull you close, kissing your head. “i think i understand..but if i don’t, please explain..” he whispered softly into your ear. “i-i..” you stuttered, you didn’t even know how to say it. “i’ve been dealing with my gender for awhile and came to the conclusion that im a boy..” you sniff, snuggling into his chest since the comfort felt good. “okay baby, you’re still mine okay?” he spoke so soft it was reassuring. “but come to me instead of butchering your hair, you know damn well i could cut it better. dork.” he winked sitting you down to actually cut your hair properly.

AKAASHI

wasn’t totally surprised even though he is oblivious to most things

he would be so sweet about it??????? he wouldn’t even question you???? just accepting right away

after you were ready to come out? god he would be so overbearing with how supportive he was. “hey have you seen my BOYFRIEND?” or “are you doing okay, pretty boy?” he would do it all the time

he already knew. you’d asked him to pack your laptop in your book bag since you guys were going to study at the library. he usually didn’t snoop and honestly minded his business, but when he saw what he thought was a dildo his curiosity was peaked. you had millions of tabs open, all pertaining to the concept of gender identity. his heart softened sadly, upset by the fact you did this all alone. you came up to check what was taking him so long, face dropping when you saw what was open, “i-i promise i can explain-!” you rush forward but he quickly wraps two arms around you, kissing you softly. “shush. you don’t need to explain.” he smiled, “your preferred name and pronouns my darling?” he hummed in addition, grinning from the blush on your cheeks. “uhm..y/n..and he/him..please..” you whisper making him nod, “i’ve got the cutest boyfriend every yanno that?”

OIKAWA

would make fun of you for a bit until he realized this was actually serious

he would also apologize profusely for doing so.

would go out and buy you 67963334 slacks just to see you in them i know it

“tooru i’m serious!” you’d whimper, genuine tears pricking at the corner of your eyes. that’s when he knew he took it too far. “hey..i was just joking around…does me calling you girlie actually make you uncomfortable? why?” he was confused but then again you couldn’t blame them. you’d told iwa you were trans, hoping to get someway to tell oikawa but there wasn’t much acknowledgment of him at all. “yes..it does” you nodded wiping your eyes. “is it because you’re trans?” all the air in your lungs was knocked out of you at this. “how did you..” you’d ask softly, “i dunno! i’m just really good at this!” he giggled before kissing your head and getting off the couch you two were on. “one minute!” he ran upstairs and about five minutes later came back with all his old clothes he outgrew. “here! ‘ma saved them for donating to relatives but your more important” he hummed making you blush, “tooru you don’t-“ “and what’s your pants size?” “uh-i-“ “it’s okay doesn’t matter we’ll get all of them.” “ALL OF WHAT.” and that’s honestly how the rest of your night went.

TSUKKI

he wasn’t totally surprised but then again he knew how your parents were and would understand your hesitation for coming out

it didn’t really phase him at all. have you seen his gender nonconforming best friend? tsukki wouldn’t care unless you were authentically yourself.

would always give you reassurance, no matter how much you needed.

you’d come to your boyfriends house for the third night this week, his mom more than happy to let you stay. “he’s upstairs!” she’d smile from where she was making dinner. you already knew where to find his room, so coming inside and throwing your bags down casually wasn’t an issue at all. “y/n how many times do i have to tell your messy ass that you don’t put bags in the middle of the-“ he spun in his desk chair to look at you, his face falling the second he saw your face go red and tears streaming down your face. tsukki fucking SUCKED with emotions but he wouldn’t be pathetic and not try. “cmere moonie, what’s wrong” he frowned getting up and sitting on the bed, pulling you down with him. “i told them” you stated simply, his own anxiety kicked in. “and?” he asked, already knowing the answer. “they kicked me out.” you nodded towards the fourish bags you had dropped. “well..fuck them. here you’ll be loved and respected. they don’t deserve you. no one does. now, ill ask mom if we can move in the old dresser from akiterus room..you make yourself comfy. change, take of makeup, whatever it is. here? you’re allowed to be who you are.” and with that he was gone. tsukki may look like an asshole but he tries his best not to be for you.

ASAHI

wouldn’t initially get it, but it would take some explaining and he’d be absolutely on board

would probably smoother you in love and affection for being brave enough to tell him how you’ve been feeling

similar to akaashi he’d be quick to correct those who use incorrect pronouns (unless you tell him not too) while expressing love for his boyfriend

dating asahi had plenty of benefits, most importantly his ability to scare those off who were rude to you. you had come out to him a week ago, he needed some help understanding the process but soon he was very on board and understanding. now you two were eating lunch with noya and tanaka, watching a group of girls who ever now and then looked back at you to laugh and point. you’d just gotten your gender affirming hair cut the night before. you began to feel very self conscious about everything, just slowly tucking yourself into asahi who immediately realized something was wrong. “what’s up babe?” he asked watching you nod towards the group. with that he gently passed you over to noya who was very excited for the hugs he was allowed to give his close friend. needless to say asahi scared the living hell out of those girls. when all was said and done, he took you to the boys bathroom and locked the door. he simply hugged you, rubbing your back while you almost immediately cried. “it’s okay bunny..i’m sorry people can’t mind their own business-not that it’s my fault-i dunno why i apologized-sorry-i-“ he took a deep breath but his nervous rambling had made you giggle. “thank you, you giant teddy bear” you smiled leaning up to give him a nice soft kiss.

[nonbinaryresource]

hi. i wanted to ask whether or not it’s ok to take comfort in a person that has not officially come out as trans but has included many forms of gender expression in their work? i’m trans and when i listened to this artist’s work (harry styles - she & fine line) i connected with the songs immediately? i found a lot of people in the community who too connected to the songs and interpreted the lyrics as a struggle with one’s gender identity. at first i was against calling harry trans because i thought it was wrong, but then after reading master posts i discovered that he constantly portrays gender in his work (using the trans flag on his album cover; being ok with his friends referring to him with she/her, miss, ‘sue’ instead of ‘harry’, and sis; his obsession with babies and especially wanting to get pregnant; relating himself only to female artists; etc.) and now i’m really confused. it feels comforting as a fan to relate to him and i, and a lot of other fans from the community, sometimes refer to him with he/she/they instead of he/him (he never said his pronouns are he/him). is that wrong? every time my (trans) friends and i refer to him with pronouns other than he/him or tell people not to assume he’s cis as he never specified that, other (usually cis. a trans fan called me transphobic and told me to stop seeking validation from cis white men.) fans will start calling us transphobic and delusional and attacking us to the point we had anxiety attacks over it? i’m just really confused right now. i don’t want to misgender anyone but i don’t understand why relating to someone who, from their actions, could be part of the community is wrong. i’m not out to anyone irl and sometimes i wish people caught on to the little things i do and recognise that i am part of the community. i don’t understand why people keep shutting down the idea the harry could be trans when he never said he was cis and was ok being referred to as she.

he has previously said that there are no lines between what's masculine and what's feminine for him anymore. i'm sorry this is so long and thank you

(You also sent in the song lyrics - thanks for the easy reference! - but I’m clipping those for length reasons.)

Disclaimer before I dig in: I am not a Harry Styles stan, I know very little about him, most of what I am going to say specifically about him is stuff I researched about specifically to answer this ask. I want to speak mostly generally to your question.

Okay, so you posed a pretty succinct, straight forward question. “i wanted to ask whether or not it’s ok to take comfort in a person that has not officially come out as trans but has included many forms of gender expression in their work?“ However, there’s also a lot of context to this ask that makes things not so straight forward, and there are several distinct issues touched upon here I want to delve into. But it seems a good a starting place as any to start with the direct question you asked.

Yes, of course it’s okay to find your own meaning in art and role models and relate to art your way from your perspective based on your experience. In fact, that’s nearly the entire purpose of art! And it makes sense too, that we as social creatures would look up to and be inspired by celebrities, artists, mentors, role models, etc. Feeling connected to and less alone because someone in the spotlight plays with gender presentation like you might or want to makes a lot of sense!

However, we have to remember that A) sometimes art is just art, and B) someone being in the spotlight doesn’t mean we actually know or understand them or are/should act familiar with them.

As an example, a couple years back, Will Jay released a song called “Never Been in Love” that pretty much exploded with aros and aces and became a bit of an anthem for a lot of us. Many wondered if he was aspec himself and there was a lot of queries about it (and I saw quite a few blogs reminding folk that they were allowed to relate to the song even if it meant something different to Will Jay or he wasn’t actually aspec). Earlier this year, he released the song “Lies” where he admits that he was writing songs he thought people would relate to and he actually had been in love even before writing “Never Been In Love”. That should do nothing to diminish how meaningful the song was to people, though! If we related to the song, we related to the song, and if it was meaningful and made us feel seen and understood, that’s great! A lot of times, art is personal, but sometimes art is just an exploration.

This concept applies even more to people themselves. It is soooo easy to idolize and romanticize people you’ve never actually met and really only see the persona they want you to see. Yes, they share personal information with the world and they experience a general lack of privacy that makes you feel like yeah, you really know who they are. But how can you really, personally, intimately know someone without interacting with them, chatting with them, getting to know them one on one? It’s fine to have role models and feel represented by and relate to a celebrity - just do not lose sight of the fact that what you’re feeling is personal feeling on your own end. It’s not something that this celebrity has actually built with you.

To put this another way: it is fine to headcanon fictional characters, but it’s not okay to headcanon real people.

Now, what I’m building up to here is that there are a lot of assumptions I am seeing - from both sides - that we cannot truly know because all we know is what Harry [or anyone] chooses to share with us. I’d like to break this down by going through some specific points.

at first i was against calling harry trans because i thought it was wrong

Okay, there are two sides to this.

1) It is wrong to apply a gender label/descriptor to someone without their permission.

2) In a cisnormative society, “cis” is the default gender label/descriptor to apply to everyone, and that’s equally wrong, so I get why it feels like a rebellion of the system to go “well, there are Reasons they could be trans, so I’m just going to go ahead and call them trans”.

We should get away from automatically labeling everyone as “cis”. However, the way we fix this isn’t to just decide we get to apply whatever label/descriptor to someone we want.

If someone hasn’t clarified or specified their gender (and you can’t/it isn’t a good or safe idea to ask them), it’s the safest bet to go by what they seem to be majority being called or what you can find of them referring to themself as.

In some cases, when someone seems to be specifically avoiding labeling themselves or uncomfortable with labeling themselves, it may be most comfortable for you to also avoid labeling them just as much as possible.

being ok with his friends referring to him with she/her, miss, ‘sue’ instead of ‘harry’, and sis; his obsession with babies and especially wanting to get pregnant; relating himself only to female artists; etc.)

It’s worth considering - is this something for friends only? Or is it open to fans and other public sectors?

Usually if something is for friends only, it’ll be kept out of public eye, but if only friends are doing this, is this something that is only being shared with you or is it something you’re entitled to as well?

Aaaaaaaaalso, it has to be pointed out that it’s binarist and cisnormative in it’s own way to equate different names/pronouns automatically with being trans or being a specific trans identity. Wanting to get pregnant? Do you know how many cis women I’ve heard go on and on about wanting a penis so they can pee standing up (like... all of them anytime we’re outside or camping)? Plenty of cis people use pronouns you might not expect! You don’t have to be trans/nonbinary to use multiple or ‘atypical’ pronouns. Cis people are allowed to use other pronouns as well! They’re allowed to have names typically associated with other genders! Not all gender nonconforming or genderqueer people/people queering gender are trans! Not everybody exploring their gender nor gender presentation is trans!

not to assume he’s cis as he never specified that

It’s great to not assume someone is cis! But that doesn’t automatically make them trans.

i don’t want to misgender anyone but i don’t understand why relating to someone who, from their actions, could be part of the community is wrong.

Do you specifically, absolutely need to gender someone in order to relate to them?

i don’t understand why people keep shutting down the idea the harry could be trans when he never said he was cis and was ok being referred to as she.

I’ve only recently seen a tiny bit of this ‘discourse’ around on twitter, but what I see is a few issues/points:

A) It’s not up to us to claim someone as trans if they have not come out as trans. Coming out is an extremely personal choice and should be up to each individual. “Claiming” them is basically dragging them into something that very well may be not theirs. And if it is theirs, why would you want to steal that moment of getting to determine and declare that away from them?

B) We are all so done with cis, able-bodied white folk being prioritized above the rest of the queer community!!! There are actual, legitimate, out trans people that can be your trans role models and they’re being shoved to the back of the closet in favor of a privileged, white Schrödinger’s Trans. Let’s uplift our actual community instead of getting stuck on someone who may or may not be a part of community - and may not even want to be a part of it!

All that being said, I do want to say something really quickly on Harry himself because it ties back into the assumptions we’ve been talking about. Harry’s sexuality has long been a question on fans and journalists minds, and Harry has pretty consistently made it clear that he’s not really interested in labels or boxes. Harry’s gender is not something that has been asked about, talked about, or answered on much. And his comment on masculinity and femininity? Let’s remember that, like pronouns, masculinity and femininity don’t automatically or inherently relate to one specific gender or not. And, quite frankly, it is faucet of toxic masculinity and cissexism to equate a gnc man/man in a dress with being trans. Men are allowed to wear dresses and makeup and heels! Men are allowed to be soft and nurturing and to cry! Cis or trans, men are allowed to be these things, and arguing that they’re trans simply for doing or being any of these does continue to enforce dangerous and strict views of the gender binary.

Okay, it feels like I kinda put you through the wringer, so I want to go back and reiterate: it is 100% valid to relate to and feel connected to/inspired by someone on the basis of their presentation and gender exploration. It is not valid to claim ownership over their identity because of this. It is possible for two people to experience same or similar things and yet come to different conclusions about themselves!

If Harry Styles as an icon is important to you, I’m glad you can have that! But not everyone will or has to share your connection, and the only one actually qualified to speak on Harry’s gender is Harry himself. Harry could be trans, but it’s his right and his right only to claim that label. Any assuming we do is just that: an assumption. And I want you to be careful with your own feelings getting too attached to the image of Harry you’ve built up in your own head only to potentially have them shattered if Harry decides to speak on things and it turns out his feelings don’t mean what you thought.

Your identity is valid regardless of how Harry Styles feels or identifies. You feeling validated and seen and represented by Harry’s actions is valid regardless of how Harry Styles feels or identifies. It’s great to have role models and be inspired by people, but remember that at the end of the day, you need to be able to rely on yourself to keep up your ego and determine your sense of self.

~Pluto

[strongxsurvivors]

MLM SHIPS, FETIZATION, AND MISOGYNY IN THE RPC.

This is a small, or not-so-small, rant about a problem ( in my opinion ) I see more and more often in both the rp community and the art community. As a member of both, I just can’t escape this issue and need to put out some food for thought for everyone to read.

Not all of you are going to agree with me. Maybe, some will want to add in their two cents. Maybe, it’ll go over someone’s head completely. I simply appreciate you putting the time into reading this and giving it, like, two seconds of thought. It may not be an issue for you or be completely unrelated to you, but this is an issue I’m sure others will be able to relate to.

I will preface this by saying that I am a twenty-five year old transman. I am bisexual. I have a degree in psychology and excelled in gender and sexuality psychology. THIS DOES NOT, BY ANY MEANS, MEAN I AM THE END ALL BE ALL OF INFO IN THESE SUBJECTS. My experience is my own and I will not gatekeep or instruct people how to think in concerns of these subjects. I am only saying these things simply to assure you that I am valid in my perspective because I am in these communities. Please, don’t think that I want to invalidate anyone or say that I am better than you because I am these things.

Alright, let’s get the ball rolling because I have a lot of feelings and thoughts on a lot of points.

The number one thing that finally set me off to make this post is the absolute WORSHIP of mlm ( male loving male ) ships in the rpc ( and art comm., but this ain’t about them rn ). I have seen, countless times, entire blogs dedicated to shipping male characters to male characters.

Now, initially, this isn’t a problem. Having a male homosexual ship or homosexual male characters is absolutely fine. Peep my blog, I obviously have some. But, it’s the act of taking a character that was originally female, cisbend them to be male, and shipping them with another male character that's the problem. What was wrong with the female character? You kept her personality but made her male? Why? Is it necessary? It’s the same character. If you are uncomfortable writing female-related smut, fade to black. Smut is not necessary if you are truly focused on the essence of this character.

By making this character male, you are essentially saying that the only problem was that she was female. That’s it. That is misogyny. If you are focusing on her as a character, her body shouldn’t matter. As if females equate to their body when sex and gender are two separate things. But, you are bringing females down by getting rid of this one thing. You are telling them they are not good enough. That, maybe, you would like them better if they were the same but male. Am I being extreme about this? Yes. But, I’m trying to drive home my point here.

Another point to make about fetishizing mlm ships is that, even if you state your character is bisexual, pansexual, etc., that does not give you a pass. If your whole blog has characters who want only male partners even if some are stated to be something other than homosexual, you’re fetishizing them. If you put no effort in exploring relationships with females — platonic, romantic, or otherwise — you may as well call them homosexual and call it a day. I’m not here to dictate how you should play your character, but it’s easy to see where your loyalties lie when there is no evidence of female characters on your blog that you’ve interacted with. Actions speak louder than words. Rpc may be made up of words, but make your words take action. Plenty of people complain about their females being ignored. Go help them. Make your characters be friends, enemies, a crime-fighting duo idk. Females exist, don’t act like they don’t.

Oh, and changing a canon mlm ship to a wlw ship by cisbending them doesn’t change things. You’re still saying that those male characters were better than the pre-existing female characters. I would recommend you focus on the actual females of whatever medium you’ve taken these characters from, or create ocs that are genuinely wlw. This is mostly a thing I see in the art community, but I have seen it in the rpc.

We’re going to move on now to some transphobic and trans fetishization, which is fewer and far between. I say a few because I barely see trans characters out there in the community. But, when I do, OH BOY.

Simply stating a character is trans and doing nothing to upkeep what you said does not make your character trans. I’m sorry. Taking a pre-existing character and changing their gender and calling them trans is a sticky situation. I will probably get hate for this, but what are you going to do? It’s Tumblr. I would just prefer to see more original trans characters out there, as if actual thought and development went into their creation. 

What I mean by a sticky situation is this, and it goes back to a point I made earlier about cisbending characters to fit mlm ships: if you’re only making a character a transman to make him gay, that's fetishizing both mlm ships and trans people. I’m not saying a transperson can’t be gay and I’m not here to limit diverse characters — this is why I say this is a sticky situation. But, what I am saying is that if you only have muses that are involved in mlm ships and then you add a transmale character to also have an mlm ship based on faceclaims, it’s kinda sus.

Another thing I want to point out is if you are playing a trans character, refer to them by their chosen name and pronouns. You would think this is a no brainer, but you would be surprised. Even if your trans character is closeted, it is your job as the writer to write the correct name and pronouns. Other character interacting with your trans character could use their dead name and wrong pronouns — it makes sense, they don’t know your character is trans if they are closeted and non-passing. But, as you write your character, you and the reader are aware of your character’s true self. Neglecting to reflect your character’s true self through their chosen and name and pronouns is transphobic and harmful. Seeing things like this sends me into a whirlwind of dysphoria.

Changing a pre-existing character to nonbinary rather than cisbending them would be a recommendation from me and some others ( nonbinary individuals ) I’ve talked to. First off, there are very few nonbinary characters in general — media or otherwise. So, taking a pre-existing character and making them nonbinary is a nice thing to see. And, since the character is nonbinary, if they’re in a relationship with a male - the fetishization is redundant.

Now, who do I see making these wacky characters? Mostly cis females and trans men. I think it mostly stems from internalized misogyny as, when growing up, we’ve lived in societies where we are taught men are better than women. It can get to the point where cis females will glorify men so much that they have to have mlm ships. The same can be said for trans men. I’m not saying — as is often used against trans men — that this internalized misogyny / glorification of men has caused them to be trans. Obviously not. But, the internalized misogyny is still there enough to where they may either fear interacting with female characters. It might make them uncomfortable, dysphoric, or they just may think men are better. Women do not deserve to be the catalyst for someone’s discomfort. They are people. They are everywhere. They deserve to be loved. If they make you uncomfortable, if you think you are better than them, if you think men are better, I want you to sit down with yourself and think about this.

When I first realized that I was trans, I had some serious internalized misogyny going on. I would be uncomfortable writing female characters. I would be uncomfortable interacting with them. There was this discomfort that started to manifest in my behaviors and thoughts. Luckily, I had the best person in my life who told me that I was acting misogynistic and I needed to change. Pushing away females was me trying to come to terms with my transness. You don’t need to expel females away from you to imbed in yourself that you are trans. You don’t need to raise yourself above them as men have done for centuries. Do not become part of the problem. Accept the feminine parts of yourself, accept females, and I promise that the fear or resentment you may have with females and female characters will fade away.

Now, with all that being said, my last few words:

Being trans does not give you a pass to do the things I’ve mentioned. Being cis does not give you a pass. Being straight, gay, bi, etc does not give you a pass. If you are a gay man, I understand why you would only have male mlm ships. That doesn’t mean you can’t platonically interact with female characters. We all have made dumb mistakes and judgments in the past. I know for sure I’ve written some pretty cringe stuff in the past. It happens. The best we can do? Learn and take action on what we claim to have learned. Again, actions speak louder than words. Don’t piggy-back on posts that call out people for behavior like this when you participate in some of these behaviors yourself. Just because one person got called out and the spotlight is on them doesn’t mean you’re better than them or that you’ve been given a pass. If you read something like this, reflect on yourself and wonder — objectively — do you do some of these things? You may without realizing it or meaning to. In the end, I’m just a small blog that’s been around for seven years. I think we can get better as a community, but only if we help each other out. This is not a call out post. Call out and cancel culture is gross and counterproductive. I ain’t here for it. Call me out if you want, but what’ll that do? Nothing accept invalidate my opinion.

If you made it this far, I’m sorry. I took up a lot of your time probably. But, I want to thank you so much for reading this. As I said, you may agree, disagree, and not really get what I’m saying. I don’t know what I’m saying half the time either. But, I appreciate you regardless. Please, stay safe and healthy. I hope you have a wonderful year ahead of you.

[alorenawrites]

Thoughts on Loki, Gender, Sex, and Identity

So...I've seen a few posts on transphobia embedded in Loki and I wanted to examine my own thoughts on this a bit. I'm not going to dig too deeply, just hit on a few of my thoughts on the matter regarding my own positionality as a demisexual, demiromantic, bisexual, nonbinary, gender funky human.

To begin, my own relationship to sex and gender is complicated, based on my own experiences. I'm fine with people not having this same interpretation because of differences in experience and I'm not going to sit around and listen to anyone bombarding me with statements about how wrong they think I am. Go write a post with relevance to your own experience and please don't shit on mine. The purpose of this is to share my own thoughts on this matter, not to get into an argument. I have enough real-world stress regarding these things and don't need them on Tumblr as well.

I've seen the argument that Loki is gender fluid and it is wrong to say he is sex fluid or that sex fluidity is a way to undercut or deny the validity of gender fluidity. I don't see it this way. To begin, we don't actually see Loki display gender fluidity, even though shape-shifting is clearly within his skill set. MCU Loki shifts into Sif once in The Dark World, but other than that, there is little evidence outside of his word at this. I know those creating this story did refer to him as gender fluid, but I question whether those who stand outside that fluidity might not be as well-versed in how gender fluidity comes in a myriad of experiences. I am fine with the idea that perhaps Loki still uses traditionally male pronouns while in other shapes. I am not considering comic interpretations of Loki in this, as there are so many different storylines that I think they would be hard to sum up into this character. And it is fine if you don't see this the same way.

In myth, when Loki transforms into a maiden during the marriage of "Freya" (Thor in disguise) to Thrym, the book I reference (Neil Gaiman's retellings of the myths) does, at one point, refer to Loki as "he." When the mythological Loki transforms into the mare to lure the horse Svadilfari away from the builder of their wall, the references to the mare indicate "she" (and it is worth noting that in this retelling, the mare is never referred to as Loki by name), but when Loki returns he is referred to using male pronouns yet still as Sleipnir's mother.

In the television show, Loki's file lists his sex as fluid. As gender and sex are entirely separate, I took this into consideration as a part of what defines a Loki- they may change physical sex. I did not see an entry for gender on the file. I may have missed it. But to me, the lack of listing gender and the inclusion instead of sex leads me to believe that the TVA doesn't much care for the gender of a variant, but rather the body in which they are most likely to inhabit. In this case, it would seem that knowing if a Loki is more likely to appear as a physical type without regard to pronouns or gender might be considered more important data than gender identity and pronouns. I examine this as someone who has to handle grant data that requires a sex marker in the demographics- not a gender identity, but an assigned-at-birth or otherwise legally documented sex.

I don't see these two things as mutually exclusive or an erasure of one another. I would see it as a way for the TVA to try to classify a variant without regards to any sort of identity. After all, if Lokis are destined for pruning, who cares how they see themselves? It's not like they are going to have an extended conversation with them- process them, judge them, prune them.

In the context of the Lokis we meet, and the note that they haven't met a female Loki, I do wonder why they haven't met one yet. Is it because they don't catch every Loki that comes through? Is it because they themselves have only ever experienced being Loki as men and and haven't assumed otherwise? I don't know. But I don't see it as impossible to explain, either. How many Loki variants have come through? And how many haven't survived? We don't see every variant in the Void that we see in Mobius' briefing holograms. Who didn't make it, and who is missing? Yes, the comment that she "sounds terrifying" could be read as incredibly sexist, but at the same time...Lokis grew up with stories of the Valkyrie, powerful warrior women who they likely looked at with awe, wondering why these towers of strength were no longer with them. The Valkyrie predate them and are mythic figures- we see how Thor reacts to meeting one of these warriors in Ragnarok. Given that this line comes from Loki the Elder, someone who leans into the power of sorcery and the capabilities of magic, wouldn't it make sense that the combination of these skills would seem terrifying? A warrior of the legendary capabilities of the Valkyrie combined with the might of a Loki sorcery? I mean, I'd probably think the same thing, and I think this is possibly one reason why the variant Loki we come to know would agree with him- she has been jumping through time, surviving apocalypses that likely terrify him, enchanting anyone she needs to use, and she can run circles around him. Given the tonal shift in the delivery of the line "and she needs me," I interpret this as the blustering Loki does when he wants to feel more important than he really is- he's trying to justify why he needs to find her to someone else (and possibly to himself) instead of just saying it's because he cares deeply about her and wants to know what the hell that means. Sylvie can clearly take care of herself and doesn't really need rescue. He wants to feel important enough to go back and to convince the others he is as well. That she could render him irrelevant is something that would be terrifying to someone who craves attention and affirmation.

Mobius says that the most common iterations of Lokis look like the one standing before him, yet Loki does encounter a variant file from California in the early 20th century that refers to Sylvie. So the TVA knows that there is a rare chance that a sex fluid Loki could exist (and they have, presumably, pruned them). While I wish this had been explored further, I don't necessarily see it as a transphobic intent. Did it resonate that way with some people? Yes. And that's fine. Their feelings on the matter are valid.

Another element of my interpretation of this comes from my own experiences of gender expression. Most of the time during which I have been out as nonbinary, people have read my gender as a woman. I like my long dresses and I have an extensive collection of vintage women's clothing. I also have a decent collection of corsets and well-tailored suits that fit my body type. I don't bind my chest. My hair varies from very short to as long as it will grow (not far past my shoulders). I occasionally wear eyeshadow, regardless of what gender I am on any given day. I very rarely read masculine and when I feel neutral, I still don't bother to alter my body shape, only sometimes choosing a bra or bra tank top that decentuates my curves (which, granted, aren't dramatic). So the concept of a gender fluid individual choosing gendered pronouns and reading as male during the (relatively short) time in his lifespan during which the audience knows him doesn't seem odd to me, as it is how I've existed (and I, too, used gendered pronouns for a few years on my nonbinary journey- they were a default while I searched for something that suited me better). But I have known nonbinary people who have exclusively used gendered pronouns and it does not invalidate their gender identity, nor does gendered expressions of that identity. The concept that we would only see a male presenting Loki doesn't seem very odd because I have lived a stretch of my life during which I, too, presented a very femme gender expression and used traditionally female pronouns. But that did not make me less nonbinary.

And, of course, this is assuming that gender fluidity is part of his identity, which we are never told in the text of the story. I reject that everything a creator says must be added to the text of a piece of media simply because the piece also has to stand on its own and be interpreted on that level as well. We do know that Loki shifts sex, which makes sense for someone who shifts bodies, as sex is tied more to bodies than gender is.

The point in this is that we can't assume the gender of a fictional character, just as we can't assume from appearance the gender of a living human. I may read as a woman, but this is not my gender identity and no one should be assuming that my clothes are meant to project gender. Reducing gender to an outward and bodily expression of sex is not something with which I am comfortable, and it seems that some people are conflating the two in their interpretation. Again, your experiences may differ from mine and it's fine to see this in another way.

But here's another very important thing this show can demonstrate. Allow an anecdote. My children watched this show with me. My son is nearly 7, my daughter a few months from being 10. She is very femme- loves makeup, frilly dresses, dolls, princesses, My Little Pony, the whole shebang of activities stereotypically associated with the childhood of girls. At this point in her life, she very much asserts that she is a girl. The same goes for my son- he very much asserts himself as a boy. When we were watching together, we talked about Loki being gender fluid, just like their Mum. We talked about Loki being bisexual, just like their Mum. They understood that just because Loki looks one way, it doesn't mean he is that way...again, just like their Mum. There is power in the idea that some of us are in this same position- we are assumed to be cisgender based on our appearances, but our identities are more complex than that. I thought this was a good window for my children to see through and one I could turn into a teachable moment about all the different sorts of people there are in this world. This is the blessing of imperfect media- we can find ways to learn from it and to share opportunities in it for open interpretation with those around us. And the lesson of not jumping to conclusions about gender or sex based on appearance is a deeply important one for young children to understand.

Is this an area in which I have a problem with the show? No. Does this mean the show couldn't have done more or better? Also no. We do need a variety of types of representation. But seeing the possibilities of this being someone a little more like me (though alas, I can't shift shape)? That was nice.

Hopefully we can see more of this in the future, but if we don't, we can create transformative works to fill in the gaps. It's what fan communities have always done and will continue to do. When I fell into fandom years ago with Harry Potter, long before the movies were all out, so many works were there to add queerness, racial diversity, language diversity, disability representation, all of it, into the series. It didn't stop us from still enjoying what it meant to us in those times and places and I don't think we have to outright reject this show for the imperfections we see in it. It can still thrill us and speak to something in us we've been lacking.

And in my case, that is the affirmation of wearing traditionally gender coded clothes while still asserting my pronouns are ze/zir/zirs and my gender is nonbinary, though also gender fluid, gender optional, or gender funky and that my oft-assumed-to-be-hetero relationship makes me no less bi or any other piece of my complex relationship to sexual orientation (and sharing that affirmation with my kids).

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

1, 27, 40

Ooh, thank you for the ask! It's gonna get heavy though, because that first one is a Very loaded question, whew. ;; I'm actually gonna put this under a cut.

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

Hahaha ha haaaa.... about that. It depends entirely on which parent.

I was raised in a split-custody situation, and grew up mainly living with my father and stepmother (often called "stepmonster"). I only got to see my mother every other weekend, on certain holidays, and for a few weeks in the summer. I wish I could've seen her more, but now we go to lunch/dinner at least once a month and we'll just talk for hours.

My stepmother.... well, I'm in a decent mood and don't want to ruin it by going into Deep Details, but she was viciously and relentlessly emotionally abusive from the day we started living together, and the older I got and the more I started realizing that she was hurting me, the more I started asking her to stop and tell her she was hurting me, the worse she treated me. It wasn't always, but it became physical often enough that I'd flinch when she raised her hands. So needless to say, I don't have any warm, fuzzy feelings towards her.

I acknowledge that she "tried to be a good parent" (or at least, I acknowledge that she SAYS that's what she wanted), but she has never once apologized for hurting or screaming at me. She has never once taken steps to stop it. No matter how many times I asked her to stop, or take a moment and breathe, or think about how what she's saying is making me feel. Hell, she VERY recently told me "I don't have any regrets" (about how she raised us). And even when I pressed, hesitantly, tentatively, "Nothing? Not one thing?" and she said "Nope." I just. What. How do you claim to love someone and then say you don't regret screaming at them, calling them names, pinning them in corners, smacking them, making them cry on a weekly basis?

So, honestly, fuck her with a saguaro cactus.

My father is... really complicated. We were very close when I was little, but he was always away working and we were lucky if we got to give him a hug before bedtime, so we rarely got to Actually Do Bonding Things. I tried going to him about the way stepmonster was hurting me three times, and each time he yelled at me for being ungrateful and selfish and whatever else he could come up with to make it my fault I was being abused. Yeah.

And just... The older I've gotten, the more I've realized that his actions are a result of his choices. He has a temper that is frankly terrifying, he has roared at me to "shut the hell up" more than once, when I was very little he grabbed me by the arm and dragged me out of bed, trying to force me to stand when I was crying because I had a vasogaval syncope episode (read: I was about to pass out and told them I couldn't stand up to get ready for school), and he makes little-to-no attempt to control it. The older I get, the less I can tolerate the things he does, or did.

It would be different if he apologized, or acknowledged that he hurt me, or frankly even ever listened to me when I went to the parent that prided himself on being my ~protector~ and did a single damn thing to ACT on it, but he refused to even acknowledge that I was hurting. But he never has tried even talking to me about these things, and frankly I can't forgive someone who never apologizes. I miss when we were close, but now I don't have any desire to try rekindling that relationship, because whenever I try to address my pain or fears, he turns that anger on me and it's just not worth getting verbally abused.

My mother is the only parental figure I'm close to. She also had a temper when I was super little, but at least she would address it with us and try to talk it through, and she has gone to greater and greater lengths to control it and understand why we argue and communicate with me and mend the parts of us that were broken by those things. She has pointed me to resources and family history and therapy and she was the very first person who ever told me, at age fucking 19 (after having been diagnosed since I was SEVEN YEARS OLD) what ADHD actually MEANS and how it impacts my life and that it might be why I struggle so much with simple chores and memory.

Even though she's homophobic and transphobic, at least she's not cruel about it. I would hesitate to even call her judgemental, because she thinks it's "maladaptive", but doesn't think it makes someone a bad person. (Hell, stepmonster and father and at least two of my siblings know I'm nonbinary too, but they won't use the right pronouns or non-gendered language for me either.) She's also of the "monotheistic triumphalism" mindset in her Christianity and used to try very hard to convert me away from paganism until, ironically, I moved in with her for that year. So I can't really talk about those things with her.

But other than that, I can talk to her about ANYTHING. I can ask her questions on anything from a vulnerable personal place in my heart to a vulnerable place in my body to relationship advice, she has a great wealth of knowledge on health and financial things and resources provided by the state and county, she has also had to heal from parental abuse and has had a ton of therapy for depression and PTSD so she helps me with mine too, and she's a genuinely kind and witty person who cares about ME enough to address when something she said or did hurts me, and she genuinely tries to help and be a comforting presence.

Like, my bar for "good parenting" isn't very high honestly, but she really is a wonderful parent and I wish I'd had more of her influence in my life.

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

Not that I'm aware of. Not really, anyways. I've had at least 3 people over the age of 40 tell me "I think I'm falling in love with you" just because I talked to them, but like. I'm still in my 20's? Why even?? A lot of people have asked me for my number, and I've turned them down. (I'm taken, first of all. I don't want to be anybody's side-squeeze. And I'm frankly not interested in somebody who only wants my number because my butt is cute. Whatever.)

But the relationship I'm in now is the first serious one I've ever been in, and maybe it's because I'm demi, but I can't imagine anyone's heart being broken if they're not in a truly serious relationship.

40:Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

Oh man, this is a fun one! In chronological order:

- When I was about... 14? I performed my first Wiccan ritual "skyclad" in the backyard. (It's a full moon thing, so I figured I should be under the light of the full moon. And also nude because, you know. Wiccan.) There was a privacy fence, but it WAS outside, and I WAS naked.

- I didn't properly "walk" outside for this one, but I did once open the door to a pizza delivery guy, take the food, and pay completely naked. It was basically a dare. Easiest $100 I've ever made.

- I did once walk several blocks through downtown Canton with absolutely nothing on but a cloak. That one was because I heard the shopkeep saying "Anyone who comes in on a Sunday in their pajamas gets a surprise." And I'm deathly curious, okay. I wanted to know what this surprise was. But I utterly lack pajamas. So I asked her, "What if you sleep naked?" And she said "Then I dare you to come in naked!" So I came in one Sunday wrapped in a cloak, asked her if she remembered the conversation, and when she asked "Are you naked under there?" I essentially flashed her.

- I went to an outdoor nudist resort in Bath, Ohio. We didn't stay long though, maybe two hours tops, because it was almost autumn and the other two I was with were too chilly to enjoy it. I was fine though? It has to be like 50 degrees or cooler for me to be chilled. But because they were too cold to be nude, we left.

Nudity has never fazed me, and if it was socially acceptable, I'm walk around EVERYWHERE naked.

[bi-dazai]

a summary of the whole contrapoints thing from someone who has been spending most of her time on twitter and seen it first-hand throughout

(im using screenshots, some ive downloaded from trusted twitter mutuals and some ive made myself. since i have the shinigami eyes extension and many of my twitter mutuals dont, some scs will be inconsistent. i have checked each downloaded sced tweet to make sure theyre real.)

please dont try to start an argument on this post, im just summarising whats happened. ive already argued myself out over on my twitter and whatever point youre trying to make has literally already been said 20 times before.

Basically in late august/september natalie said some inflammatory shit about pronouns and nbs and “binary transes” which she’d said stuff along the lines of in the past. both nb and binary trans folks have criticised her lightly for this kind of attitude in the past as well. she has a pattern of behaviour (including being very...lenient towards terfs) but the stuff she was saying and the bad takes were tolerable, if incorrect and a little ignorant. what she said this time was basically “asking for pronouns in trans spaces is good i guess but it hurts passing/semi-passing transes like me” which is a take that makes no goddamn sense and is extremely ignorant towards both nb folks and trans folks who do not have the luxury of even trying to pass. she exaggerates the actual effect it has on her as well. basically the entire tweet reads really badly (the discussion was about asking for pronouns in trans spaces):

peter coffin made some batshit crazy takes (as usual) including inventing the term “enby cultural capital” which he refused to actually evaluate on past asking people to read a book (if you cant clarify your point on your own then you have an issue). he started tweeting like a madman and making it painfully clear how hard he will go to bats for natalie despite him being nb himself (many people joked/suspected  that its because he wants to fuck her, same with philosophytube, and honestly looking at how they see her that isnt hard to believe).

natalie went off twitter for a while, eventually leaving an apology that was actually alright and made me and several others believe she would return a little more understanding of trans intra-community issues, especially in terms of class because she has always had an issue with ignorance from that angle. she said she had a friend called gwen taking over (nobody knows who this is nor had they ever heard of this friend, leaving some people suspicious that she may have made her up. im not going to confirm or deny this because i have no clue.)

idk what peter coffin was up to because at this point i and most ppl had officially stopped listening to him but i believe he was angrily tweeting about cancel culture. a lot of people were as well, even though the bulk of the criticisms of natalie had been written and expressed in a mature, appropriate way. some of my twitter mutuals who had been involved in discussing natalie’s past trends with these issues as well as her lack of class consciousness and (probably) accidental antisemitism began to get messages from what was very clearly alt-right trolls trying to doxx natalie. it was real information, which is extremely concerning, but no person published it and her criticisers that got those dms were vocal about not bullying or doxxing natalie. natalie wasn’t pushed away because of “cancel culture”, and “cancel culture” really isnt a real thing and many contra fans believed this too until she came under criticism, which highlights a pretty weird mentality but whatever.

anyway, she came back this week with a new video titled “opulence” which i dont care for watching so i just read about it from my twitter mutuals who did. since i didnt watch it ill only summarise its criticisms very basically. 

to put it simply the main criticisms of the video were that she conflated trans aesthetic with literal opulence and class again, which people weren’t a fan of. she talked about her experience over the last few weeks, spinning it her way because how else would she spin it, thats to be expected. it was mostly just the usual contra, flawed takes and a bit of class ignorance...except for one blaring massive issue which is absolutely undeniable proof for where she’s heading with her politics and her content.

on that video, natalie invited infamous transmed, the guy who outed lana wachowski for money, buck angel, to collab with her. this guy is infamous in the trans community for being a cis bootlicking bigot. he makes kalvin garrah look like a lovely guy. he’s been around for a very long time and he’s very famous for being a massive asshole. heres just a taste of the kind of attitude he carries:

contra has previously spoken up about why you shouldn’t platform bigots. so her platforming a bigot has some very very obvious implications.

needless to say, people were and are pretty mad and very disappointed. a large majority of her fans have been against this.

 when oliver (philosophytube) promoted the video on his twitter many replies to his quote tweet were his fans begging him to be even mildly critical of contra. 

on contra’s subreddit (for clarification, natalie isnt a mod there and im not sure about how involved she is on the sub) there was even a thread created in which MANY of her fans on there expressed criticism of contra’s views. the mods then locked the post, deleted comments, and banned the use of the word “truscum” because it was offensive i guess? it was a move very close to “terf is a slur” territory

furthermore, some pretty infamous transphobes have been in support of her and buck angel in the past, including ian miles cheong which is...wow. some of these are scs from a twitter mutual, but the ones with red names are from me - i have the shinigami eyes extension, so basically any person with a red name is a known transphobe (im surprised buck isnt marked yet lol).

finally, ill put some threads here that give a pretty good analysis and view of the situation imo

[thealpacalypse-archive]

A handy guide to avoid accidental transphobia

For cis people in the Druck fandom who write fic, headcanons or meta and don’t wanna mess up 

Including questions like: Is David trans? Is he beautiful? Is he wearing a binder this whole damn time?? What’s his story?

hey everybody, I’ve debated making this post for a while now because I don’t want to seem ungrateful to the people who are already trying, and I know that there are other trans people in this fandom who are already doing a pretty good job educating people, but then again, why not share my thoughts as well. 

In this post, I’ll collect a few headcanons, meta, and other discussions that i’ve seen around here and that made me personally uncomfortable - now be aware that i’m only one trans person and that other people can have other opinions on this, but also i’ve done trans activism for a few years now and i’m a gender studies major, so I definitely know what i’m talking about. also, a fair warning: this is gonna get long as heck. okay, let’s go.

Is David trans? The truth is: We don’t know yet. We only know that the actor who plays him, Lukas Alexander, is a trans guy. Now I’ve seen various people speculate if that automatically has to mean that David is trans as well, and obviously, no. David could be cis for all we know, and yes, casting trans actors in cis roles can be a pretty cool thing. However, if you’re cis, it would be cool if you reblog trans people’s opinions on this instead of shouting loudly about your own opinion, especially if it is that David should be cis for whatever reason. Why is that problematic? Trans activists are currently fighting for representation in media. There aren’t many trans characters we can look up to, especially not such young characters in a show that has such a big impact on a generation of young people. Many trans teenagers have never seen themselves represented in media, and many trans adults like myself are still craving for that good, good representation. Most of the time when we get trans characters, they’re played by cis actors - and because it’s mostly cis men who play trans women and cis women who play trans men, it perpetuates the idea that trans people are just especially well dressed up men and women who trick people into believing they’re ‘the other sex’. (ugh) Even though that’s a different problem, it links to this one as well, because trans stories in media are rare, and it’s even rarer to have them portrayed by trans actors. Yes, it would be revolutionary and gender-redefining if trans actors could play cis characters (or just characters whose cis or trans status is never brought up in the first place), but that’s one step ahead of the game in my opinion and tbh, cis people saying that they want David to be cis for whatever reason is just... suspicious.

Is David beautiful? Well, I’m sure we can all agree that this boy is a sight for sore eyes, and i’m pretty proud of this fandom for weeding out the transphobic assholes who called him ugly at the beginning of the season. I’m sure by now they’ve all seen the error of their ways because HECK, in levels of attractiveness, David is a king. Though it might not be the best to call him ‘beautiful’, ‘pretty’ or other usually female-gendered words when you’re cis and describing him. Why is that problematic? Listen, there’s absolutely nothing inherently bad about calling boys pretty or beautiful or whatever - I personally am an absolute goner when it comes to soft boys™ and their aesthetics, and I also think that denying boys to be soft and pretty is misogyny in a way, because it’s implying that female-coded things are bad. However, there are many trans boys (and other trans and nonbinary folks who were assigned female at birth) who feel uncomfortable when these words are used for them because it can be linked to misgendering or remind them of times before they were out. Trans people are often highly aware of their body and looks, because the way we look is heavily observed, judged and policed by society, and most of the time, being seen the (gendered) way we identify is the only way we get respect and basic decency. We don’t know yet if David personally has a problem with being called beautiful or whatever, but we also don’t know how the actor who plays him feels about that, and there are a couple of trans boys in this fandom who’ve already expressed their discomfort with these words. So in order to protect them and make this fandom safe for them, it seems like a small price to pay to consider our choice of words more carefully when we describe David, and try to avoid female-coded words.

What about David’s chest? Now this one is tricky. I’ve seen discussions about it a lot: Does David wear a binder, did he wear it the whole time he was with Matteo, does he maybe not even bind, did he have a mastectomy? The underlying tone of these discussions is worry - we all want David to be safe and comfortable, and seriously, let me tell you once and for all: a binder shouldn’t be worn longer than 8 hours a day, it shouldn’t be worn when sleeping, and it shouldn’t be worn when doing sports (also relevant for our jock boy). It’s not safe and it can heavily damage the breast tissue, ribs, and lungs - it can be literally life-threatening. It’s perfectly fine to worry about this, but it still feels uncomfortable to watch cis people debate the state of a trans boy’s body in such detail. Why is that problematic? Trans people’s bodies have always been scrutinized and judged - by medicine, by the state, by society as a whole. We always have to prove ourselves and our bodies, and convince people that we’re not just tricking them into believing we’re someone we are not. A lot of ‘true womanhood’ or ‘true manhood’ apparently revolves around genitalia, at least cis people seem to think so. Which is why so many trans people (and let’s be real here, especially trans women) have to deal with the question: “Have you had the surgery yet?” - meaning, did they already undergo the one surgery among the various ones trans people might consider, that reshapes their genitalia in a way that is acceptable to society. Cis people often use these questions about our bodies and the way we change them to delegitimatize us and take away our status as a ‘real’ man or woman. Other than that, trans people’s bodies often get portrayed as something freakishly exotic by cis people; there’s a certain voyeurism about it, and it often gets sexualized - just look at the way trans women are treated in mainstream porn. Cis people examining our bodies, theorizing about what kind of operations we’ve had or haven’t had yet, and possibly sexualizing or belittling/dehumanizing us for it, that will always be very thin ice, because it comes with a lot of emotional baggage for trans people individually and as a community.

What’s David’s backstory? We’re all wondering that, especially since Druck is mixing up the whole Skam setting so much and we really don’t know what they have in store for us. Obviously I’m just as thirsty for theories as the rest of the fandom, but I’ve also read a few things that kinda irked me.  Here’s what to avoid: Referring to David as a girl or female in any way, speaking about him in the past with “she/her”-pronouns or coming up with a deadname for him. Oh lord please don’t. It’s nothing but misgendering and it’s so, so wrong. If you’re cis, also please reconsider posting headcanons for his backstory that contain heavy transphobia. Not only can that trigger trans people in the fandom (please use trigger warnings for that stuff, okay?), but there’s also a long history of cis people taking trans narratives away from us and making them only about suffering and pain. Sure, dysphoria sucks, the discrimination sucks, but me, a trans person, complaining about these things is WAY different from a cis person fantasizing about a really painful, possibly violent life for a trans character. Sure I want realism and I want a platform where we can discuss the truly awful experiences many of us have because we’re trans, but I wish that cis people would boost trans voices for that instead of coming up with their own fucked up fantasies about how badly a trans character might have been treated. If you’re writing fic or meta and you want to find an explanation why David changed schools so close to the end of the school year, you don’t have to dig deep into the trans pain to explain it. It’s not that uncommon for trans people to change schools, work places, etc. once they’ve transitioned far enough to feel comfortable - a new start makes the stuff like name changes, new gender presentation, etc. easier. And even if David’d move is related to transphobic experiences, I don’t really need to read detailed descriptions of it. You wouldn’t want to obsess over someone else’s trauma in vivid detail in front of them, so please be cautious when writing about something that’s seen as traumatic by many trans people.

Other useful pointers: There are trans people in this fandom who voice their opinions - seek them out, listen to them, boost their voices, don’t speak over them when they talk about trans experiences. Don’t focus too much on the fact that David is (or might be) trans. Like sure, include that in your writing, but make sure you know that it’s not the only and not the most interesting thing about him. In most regards, he’s just a boy, and he has a lot of character traits that tell us just as much about him, like the fact that he’s really closed-off, competitive af, artistic, a music lover and a complete emo dork, seems to have an active flight-or-fight response,... you see what i’m getting at. Let’s obsess about David on these terms, and I’m sure we’ll get a whole lot of new and interesting meta and fic about him that all of us can enjoy. 

[ogkunty]

Furcadia Toxicity

The complete log file is provided, everything here is unedited, this all transpired publicly and should be available for everyone to have access to at all times. Thank you. (19:14:03) Tacada: watching the riot police going (19:14:21) Kixy: Protesting doesn't do anything. (19:14:23) Kunty: Nah, tell people to spend time with their fucking families they keep trying to ride dicks/cunts out of (19:14:23) Tacada: theyre taking the hong kong approach the protestors. using cones n water to stop tear gas nades (19:14:32) Kunty: they riot if quarantined. (19:14:33) Ditty: god (19:14:37) Ditty: turned out as expected (19:14:45) Ditty: Kixy: People will make a bigger stink out of not being called the correct pronoun than anything important. (19:14:48) Ditty: so peoples pronouns are important (19:14:52) Ditty: not sure why you have to bring that into this lmao (19:14:58) Puffin: ^^^^^^ (19:15:01) Ditty: Maya: Just offer free heroin and meth, you'll see enough people. (19:15:02) Ditty: so thats gross (19:15:07) Ditty: not sure why you have to bring that into this either (19:15:08) Kunty: IDC about pronouns, why is that even a thing? (19:15:09) Kixy: The point was that people get more angry over stupid shit than anything serious? (19:15:15) Ditty: pronouns are not stupid shit (19:15:19) Kunty: They are (19:15:21) Kixy: Yes they are. (19:15:27) Puffin: Riots are the language of the unheard, fam (19:15:29) Kixy: Compared to SO SO many things. (19:15:34) Ditty: why do we have to compare (19:15:39) Ditty: peoples identities are extremely important (19:15:41) Ditty: you cant rank it among other things (19:15:54) Ditty: did you know humans have the capacity to care about multiple things at once or are furcadians not able to do that (19:15:55) Tacada: sorry ditty i started all of this O.O (19:15:57) Kunty: I agree with Kixy, pronouns are NOT important in comparison to riots, killings, and corona. (19:16:03) Ditty: why are we comparing them (19:16:06) Ditty: answer the question

SEE THE REST WITH THIS LINK TO THE HTML LOG FILE

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The Devil’s Den Discord Meanwhile... Yes, you may Join.

/6:33 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: IMAGINE SEXUALLY HARASSING PEOPLE AND BEING TRANSPHOBIC AS FUCK ON FUCADIA [6:34 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: LITERALLY JUST FOR ATTENTION [6:34 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: WHO FAILED YOU [6:35 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: JK ITS YOUR OWN FUCKIN FAULT [6:35 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: "THE DEVIL'S DEN" THIS IS SOME SERIOUSLY TEEENY EDGELORD SHIT [6:35 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: ESPECIALLY WITH YOUR GROSS RAPE FANTASY THESAURUS-FUCKING DESCRIPTION [6:36 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: UNAPOLOGETIC SEXUAL HARASSERS SHOULD BE SHOT [6:39 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: jesus your discord server is dead as fuck [6:39 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: small wonder you have no friends [6:39 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: you are human garbage(edited) [6:43 PM] Hellcat: I'm here to fuck ass [6:44 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: its completely dead its no use [6:44 PM] Hellcat: Plague queens are my fetish tho [6:45 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: im here to fuck ass and fuck bubblegum [6:45 PM] Hellcat: Who failed you lmfao [6:45 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: yeah i had to rethink that cuz that'd mean it's someone else's fault [6:46 PM] Hellcat: It smells like poop and semen [6:47 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: as expected [6:55 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: [REDACTED] just thought yall should know your friend is a gross transphobe who repeatedly talked about my partner's genitals after being asked not to [6:55 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: and also claimed corona was a good thing because the world needs a "plague" [6:55 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: attention seeking teen edgelord bullshit [6:56 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: could only respond with "k" when it was brought up [7:08 PM] Ill: ? [7:09 PM] Ill: Logs please @Xzfgiiimtsath#6669(edited) [7:11 PM] Ill: It is without saying that unless evidence is provided, everything else is simply hearsay. I’m sorry to say that, without visible proof of this outrageous claim, you’re kind of just making empty accusations and slanderous character bashing. ): [REDACTED]  [7:12 PM] Ill: Oh, I guess they just wanted to troll. ): I’m sorry, hopefully this can be cleaned up. [7:28 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: OH HI [7:28 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: JUST ASK HER SHE WONT DENY IT [7:28 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: she was pretty proud of it on furc [7:28 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: i can post logs but judging from your response to that you'd just say i'd edited them lol [7:29 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: is it really hard to believe that she'd say something like that? seems pretty in-character for her [7:31 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: i mean you guys jerk it to beast porn tho i dont have high hopes for any moral outrage here [7:31 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: but if there were any trans people in the server id def want them to know [7:33 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: she was shit-talking people who care about their pronouns [7:33 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: my partner, who is trans, tries to explain to them what's wrong with that [7:35 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: then Kunty's response is to repeatedly talk about not wanting to hear about their genitals(?) which has nothign to do with pronouns and wasnt part of the conversation [7:35 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: when asked to stop talking about their genitals she continues unabated just to piss them off(edited) [7:36 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: you can choose to believe im just making this up for no reason if you want, but that would be really fucking brickheaded of you [7:37 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: care more about your shitty transphobic friend repeatedly who was bringing up my partners genitals randomly and without their consent(edited) [7:37 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: @ill [7:40 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: again, 0 hopes for you response, youre a fantasy animal r*pe enthusiast who says things like, "It is without saying that unless evidence is provided," [7:40 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: holy fuck get your head out of your ass [7:41 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: but ill STILL warn you of your transphobic friend since judging on your art youre lgbtq+ [7:43 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: are you just gonna wait til i leave again to respond? figures [7:44 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: you didnt even ask them about it, just "NO EVIDENCE SO ITS FAKE" [7:44 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: you'd really go that far to defend this person when you have no idea what happened? [7:44 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: god you fucking suck [7:44 PM] Ill: Okay but [7:44 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: but nothing [7:44 PM] Ill: You are actively here [7:44 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: wow youre a fuckin genius or something eh [7:44 PM] Ill: Why are you being aggressive? [7:45 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: because im pissed [7:45 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: obviously [7:45 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: stupid question [7:45 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: why are you deflecting [7:45 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: and defending your transphobic friend for no god damn reason [7:46 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz [7:46 PM] Ill: Okay, I understand that you are in an emotional state right now, but I would really need you to calm down first before coming off on a rage to people that have no idea what you are upset over. [7:46 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: ? [7:46 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: read my post dumbass [7:46 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: then you'd know [7:46 PM] Ill: No [7:46 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: LOL [7:47 PM] Ill: Here is why [7:47 PM] Ill: The stupidest things we say are said out of Anger. [7:47 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: are you legit like 14 [7:47 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: im wasting my time [7:47 PM] Ill: I will advise you a little more directly that you take time to calm down before you come venting. [7:48 PM] Ill: No, I am asking you to be an adult [7:48 PM] Ill: And not a raging tween with a hormone spike [7:48 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: said the literal child who thinks having emotions means "not being an adult" [7:48 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: lmfao [7:48 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: not being pissed about transphobia is a character flaw [7:48 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: work on it bitch [7:48 PM] Ill: I emphasize with your anger, I am not saying it is wrong to have them [7:48 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: emphasize with my anger [7:49 PM] Ill: I am saying that you are abusing everyone else for things we have no knowledge or control over [7:49 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: what the fuck are you talking about [7:49 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: im warning you about your transphobic friend and youre being a piece of shit about it [7:50 PM] Ill: You are acting like a child, I’ve been there and done that - it does not end well. Please take time to self care for yourself first so you can be an adult that can have a calm conversation [7:50 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: and you also fantasize about r*ping animals so again: 0 hope for you to have any concept of why things are wrong [7:50 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: total fucking human garbage [7:50 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: [8:05 PM] Ill: I am going to go step away before I address this further, I am losing some patience very quickly. I am kindly asking you to do the same so that you may take time to care for yourself during this clearly highly emotional state you are in. Maybe sip some cool water, dab your cheeks with ice, and/or take a moment with a loved one that makes you feel safe. I do not know what else to recommend here, I do not assume ignorance right away when meeting people, and I would like to think that other people can also step back to rationalize themselves down from tensions like these. I call this being an adult, growing up enough to get beyond yelling and throwing every accusation at someone simply because you’re angry. Accepting that it could be possible there is a grave misunderstanding, or maybe even misinterpretation of intent/meaning. As a person that never gets these opportunities to rationalize issues away from pure misunderstood hatred, I have never seen the actual outcome. In the adult world here, if we are angry with someone that offended us, we can’t just go into their family bbq and be screaming like lunatics about how their goat fuckers based solely on our interpretations, either. That would lead to calling the police... it doesn’t get you anywhere ... not in the adult world. You need to stop and care for yourself before you come guns blazing. You don’t DO this in the adult world and then call the adults staring at you like a tantruming toddler “children” because they won’t feed your anger. I’m sorry, for whatever it is you feel WE did to you specifically. You came here, though and whatever your assumptions are, I understand that there is no arguing with you or reasoning with you beyond you are the victim of some unproven atrocity. 

- Xzfgiiimtsath#6669 - Hellcat#0186

(19:15:15) Ditty: pronouns are not stupid shit (19:15:19) Kunty: They are (19:15:21) Kixy: Yes they are.

[generallygenderless]

An AFAB genderqueer adult on JKR

Hey! In case you don’t have any of these tags blocked, I’m going to hide this under a read-more

So as some of us H*rry P*tter fans have been disappointed by recently, Judgy Karen Ranting has explicitly outed herself as a terf/fart recently, as opposed to being “hopefully only terf-adjacent”.

Well, I have some comments about her open letter that I want to address, myself. 

Warning: Not all of yall will relate to this at all. That’s alright. If you do, feel free to chime in.

This is explicitly about one part in which JKR states that previously, the majority of trans people were trans women, whereas now, it seems to be trans men, and the entire concept of Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria. 

I really don’t know whether to unpack this, or toss the entire suitcase, so let’s examine it: 

We’ve seen that historically, there’ve been people who were likely trans and whose identities were explained away. How many trans men were explained as “just disguised themselves as a man to achieve their goals”? Dr. James Barry, for example, who didn’t start living as a man until probably around 20 years old, and lived his entire adult life as a man, requesting to be buried in his bedsheets and pajamas so no one would discover that he was AFAB.

This is an interesting discovery, in my opinion, because it’s further proof that there have always been trans people. They just either lived very unhappily as their assigned gender, or lived as stealth as they could. 

In my own experience growing up in Miami, where there were a lot of LGB people I could’ve seen, I had a very odd understanding of trans people growing up. Up until I was 12 and started to consider myself LGBT ally, I didn’t know much about “that stuff”. That was also the same time my “hmm why does gender matter and how does it affect me” brain turned into “shitshitshit i don’t like how clothes look on me anymore” brain, and I started refusing the color pink and clothes I found too “girly”. 

I learned a little bit about trans people between 12 and 15 (pre-tumblr era, basically), and while I knew that there were trans guys and trans girls, to some degree, I basically felt that since I wasn’t a trans guy, I must be a cis girl. Then I joined tumblr and my first mutual reblogged a lot of LGBT stuff, and that’s how I learned about more LGBT things. first I found out I was asexual. then I started suspecting I was bi/pan-romantic. Finally, I began to question my gender identity. I started suspecting I was nonbinary. 

Had I know that nonbinary people existed when I was 8 or 9, I would’ve identified as such then. It took coming to terms with it, like, a lot. I had the same amount of friends before this as I had after (like 4, at this point), and there’s definitely a lot to be said on that topic. I knew exactly one trans person at this point. I’d felt weird about gender from the time I was at least 6, if not younger. 

This is definitely an issue I have with the idea of ROGD. In my entire time of identifying as transneutral, I’ve had exactly two people come out to me. One was a camp buddy at the time and we’d both secretly been on gender journeys at the same time. The other is my partner. Everyone else identified as trans before I knew them, and still do. I’ve had two friends revert back to she/her pronouns, and upon asking, they revealed they don’t identify as cis, they’re still nonbinary, but it’s too much of a hassle to deal with transphobes all the time. 

Additionally, of the two people that have come out to me, they both had gender issues starting pretty young. It was by no means late-onset or rapid-onset, but rather they’d repressed it until their options were self-destruct or come to terms with it. 

My friend group has absolutely queered itself up, and I’ve noticed that I attract people who are LGBT+ and mentally ill/neurodivergent (usually both). That connection between trans people and being autistic? Pretty sure that’s caused by the fact that autistic people have to yell so loud to be heard, so they’re more visible when they come out. As far as ADHD people (of which I’m pretty sure I am one), we can hyperfixate on LGBT topics and tend to know way too much about gender and sexuality. 

This queering of the group is not because we’re turning or pushing each other. We’re just drawn to people like us. We tend to like media we’re reflected in to some degree. We escape into similar fandoms. We like similar music. It just happens. 

And besides, JK, lemme ask you this: why in the world would I want to be nonbinary? Why would I think this is easier or more fun than being a girl? It’s really not. I have lost friends over my gender identity, I’ve been told off, and I have one friend who I had to avoid the topic with altogether. I’m not nonbinary because of gender roles; I am just as miserable being a girl as I am being a guy, no matter how gender-nonconforming that image may be. I know that girls can do or be anything, and I know the same is true of guys. If it was just a matter of mental illness or gender roles or sexuality, why would I open myself up to this? Why would I want to see your commenters or comments under people like me being told that we don’t exist or that we deserve to die? I haven’t gotten special attention, and I’m actively scared of being out at school. Why would I take a risk like that if I wasn’t reasonably sure that this is who I am? I have more reasons to not identify as nonbinary, in all honesty. The only reason I use that label is because it is me. It’s who I am, it’s who I’ve always been. 

And for the record, thanks to my PCOS, I only menstruate half the year at best. If I were cis, I would only be a woman half the year anyways.

Endnote: to all yall wonderful ladies, gentlemen, and bees out there, you’re valid. She can’t change your gender identity. No one can. Keep being yourself, and do your best every day. 

[akisartblog]

So another Serebii academy character/OC! This time a teacher. Also warnings for description/app: As with all Serebii characters who are Awakened, mentions of death. With Liliana specifically: Mentions of Transphobia, violence against trans people, and some minor mentions of Gender Dysphoria. If I need to tag or mention anything else please let me know.

Name: Liliana Tsukujima Age: 34 Sex: Male Gender: Trans Female Sexuality: Homosexual Height: 6'1" Weight: 189 pounds Core: A pair of earrings that her mother gifted her as a coming-out acceptance. Two hanging purplish/pink gemstone earrings on a silver chain. Clubs: Runs Cooking Club History: Liliana was assigned male at birth, but at a young age realized she wasn't a boy. She didn't come out till her teens though, too afraid of being shunned. When she did come out her father reacted badly but her mother was quite accepting, even giving her a pair of earrings as a gift to show her acceptance. Her mother was quick to jump on giving her newly came out daughter any clothing she wanted and was excited to go shopping with her, trying on dresses and clothes and jewelry with her daughter. She told Liliana her chosen name was beautiful and was just overall a very kind and supportive parent. She may have not understood perfectly what her daughter went through but she was always willing to listen and try to help.  Liliana's father never quite warmed up to the idea but slowly started using her preferred pronouns and made a bit of an effort to not dead-name her.

Liliana met Dominique as a Salandit a bit before coming out, but the two quickly bonded for being different. Dominique allowed herself to be caught, and together the two worked together to get Dominique to evolve. Liliana shared everything with Dominique and Dominique knew that if Liliana could understand her she'd listen just as attentively to her. Even being unable to Liliana allowed the Pokemon to vent to her in her own language.

Of course, all was not perfect, and a lot of people refused to even be just mildly upset like her father. Dominique lost her life in her teens to a bunch of people who refused to accept her. Her life slipped through her fingers as Dominique was held down by the other's Pokemon and the transphobic assaulter hurled slurs and refused to call her by her pronouns. Luckily for the young woman, a Sylveon appeared and offered a way for her to live, and Liliana accepted. She fused with Dominique, became Aphrodite for the first time, got away from her attackers, and was able to get herself to a hospital before unfusing. Not too long after she got an invite to the academy, accepted, and found a lot more acceptance there than any other school she went to. She grew, matured, was able to start transitioning, and altogether found a higher level of happiness.

Liliana graduated, went to college for a Chemistry degree, and later a degree in teaching, all while helping with handling the Shadow Pokemon that cropped up. When offered a position at the school where she found acceptance, even if not by everyone, she happily jumped on the chance. Soon becoming the Biology teacher. Later she also became the headteacher of the Cooking Club. Personality: Liliana is usually seen as quite cheerful if a bit sassy and sarcastic. She loves her students and is always willing to be a listening ear if they do not wish to visit Adelaide. She has a tendency to break down and not defend herself in the face of ridicule or misgendering, a deep fear still lingering after the attack. Though in cases of others being ridiculed for their gender identity she is quite defensive and won't allow it. Deep down she isn't quite as cheerful as she shows to be, suffering from Depression and still getting flashes of Dysphoria. She often likes to fuse when her gender Dysphoria acts up too much, being Aphrodite, a form so feminine and different, helping her get through it.

Pokemon Partner: Salazzle | Dominique Type: Poison/Fire Ability: Corrosion Gender: Female Level: 95 Common Moveset: Toxic, Flamethrower, Protect, Venoshock History: Dominique always knew she was an odd Salandit when she was young. Not only was she a different color than her peer's, but she had no desire for a horde of males crawling over her. She was much more attracted to the females. This left her floundering from standing out. Until one day she met a nice kid who seemed to be rather upset. Dominique knew that visibly they looked like a male of their species, but was later told by the kid that they really didn't feel like a man, but more like a woman. Dominque grew close to this child and became her partner. Dominique was, for a while, her trainer's only confidant on everything, but especially her trainers gender identity. Dominique was the first to learn that her trainer chose the name Liliana for herself. She thought it was a beautiful name, and that her trainer would grow into a beautiful woman.

That belief was almost challenged just a few years later, as she and Liliana went for a walk. By this point Liliana was long out of the closet, wearing clothes that she felt fit her, and with her mother supporting her. In Dominique's opinion, she was a pretty young lady, and all the other women should be jealous. But during their walk a group of Liliana's peer's suddenly ganged up on the two, their own Pokemon quickly holding down Dominique, even though by this point she had evolved, they overwhelmed her. Dominique struggled and tried to help her trainer as the group beat Liliana up and hurled terrible slurs at her trainer. But in the end, she watched in terror as her trainer slowly stopped struggling and trying to fight back, as the light in her eyes dimmed. Dominique cried out for her friend, her trainer, the person who would listen to Dominique complain about her own struggles even though she couldn't understand her.

Then, to Dominique's surprise, a Sylveon appeared, and suddenly her trainer was more alert before suddenly the two were not two but one. In a split second, Dominique and Liliana were Aphrodite, and Aphrodite quickly took down her attackers enough to escape and stumble to a hospital where the two unfused. Dominique had no clue what happened, but she did know she needed to get attention for her trainer who was better but still injured. She got the medical humans out and watched as her lovely trainer was taken back into the hospital. Once she was discharged Dominique happily hugged her lovely trainer and sobbed out how worried she was, to her amazement, her trainer fully understood her words.

From there they talked, bonded more, and went to Serebii Academy. Liliana made friends, the two of them took down Shadow Pokemon, and then later moved on to college where her trainer advanced her education. Dominique was so proud of the woman her trainer, her partner, had become. A beautiful young woman just like Dominique always knew she would be. And she was especially happy when the two returned to the Academy to teach, as it was one of the most accepting places her partner had ever been. Personality: Dominique is a very sassy and sarcastic Pokemon to most others but is very kind and a good listener to those she is close to. She has no fear to whip you into shape though, and if you DARE attack her partner, or even misgender her purposefully, she will not hold back. She is defensive of her trainer and refuses to see her in the state she was in after the attack. She is very supportive of Liliana, as well as any other LGBT+ people. She fits in with them in her own opinion, able to understand their plea's from both her own experience and watching what Liliana went through.

Alter Ego: Aphrodite Gender: Female Personality: Aphrodite is very sassy and kind, but also quite playful. Even while fighting she likes to play around a bit, taunt her opponent, dance around them, and just play with them before taking them down. She can be flirty with women and may seem overly so at times. She is protective of a lot of people, but she is especially protective of LGBT+ kids. Aphrodite will not hesitate to physically deal with someone if she must to protect them.

[ilovemygaydad]

Dance, Dance

Part Five: The Sound of Music

Based off this post that you really need to read for context!

Pairings: Analogical and Royality (past sleeplogical)

Characters: Virgil, Patton, Logan, Roman, Sleep/Remy, Deceit/Dominic, October/Toby, September/Ember

Warnings: domestic abuse, swearing, sexual humor, crude comments, bullying, making out, abusive deceit, mentions of vomiting (just one word), step parents, food mentions, rejection, logan’s kind of an asshole to virgil, and possibly something else

A/N: a few people asked me about dominic using both she/her and he/him pronouns, and the explanation is that it’s just me fucking things up. like, that’s it. you can hc him however you want, idc, but I’m just stupid. also, chris is from Sleep is for the Weak

Masterlist | Ask Blog | READ ON AO3

Tags: @adultmorelikeadolt @disneyfanatic77 @logan-smarter-than-you-sanders​ @punsterterry​ @mycatshuman @fluidityandgiggles​ @sadpunkrat @theunoriginaldaisy​

Logan had been buzzing with anticipation all weekend over who his mystery guy could be, and he could tell that it was getting on Roman’s nerves no matter how much he claimed to be a sucker for a good romance, but it was just… He was absolutely captivated, and the only clue that he had towards the identity of his mystery man was an iPod. That in and of itself should be a huge clue because, honestly, who had an iPod in 2018, but that was just it. Who even had an iPod? Not a single person that he could think of.

With that dead-end in mind, Logan turned to yearbooks. He knew that there was a possibility that he had danced with a freshman or sophomore, but he obviously didn’t have access to yearbooks from the previous year, so he had to rely on his own freshman and sophomore yearbooks. Those, too, came up with a dead-end. He found someone close--Patton King--who, in sophomore year, had dyed his full head bright blue, but the bouncy curls were completely different to the light waves in the hair of whomever he had danced with.

Logan had begrudgingly told Roman that they would have to take this search more public. Sure, there were mysteries that Logan simply wouldn’t be able to solve, but this one was so much more complicated than he had originally thought, and he was certainly going to need help.

“Hey, um, Mx. Elliott…”

“Oh, Logan! Welcome back to school--though, I’m a bit hurt that it took you this long to come and visit me.”

Logan blushed a bit. He felt bad about not visiting, but there were only so many hours in the day where he had time off. “I’m so sorry, Mx. I promise that I’ll stop here more often.” There was an awkward pause as Logan thought of what to say next. “So… How is Mitchell doing?”

“Oh. I broke up with him for good. I took yours and Joan’s advice, and I kicked him out of my apartment about six weeks ago.” They fiddled a bit with the sleeve of their sweater uncomfortably. For years, Elliott had been a good friend of Logan’s, but they were dating this awful guy named Mitchell for just as long. Elliott’s self esteem was ripped to shreds time and time again, and they had a hard time listening to their cousin, Joan, and Logan’s advice.

“I’m very proud of you for doing that. I’m sure that it took a lot of strength, and I’m glad that you’ve gotten your life back into your own hands.” Logan paused and held out the iPod. “However, I didn’t come here merely to talk pleasantries. I need to find someone. I danced with him at the ball, and he dropped this, and--”

Elliott smirked. “And you fell in love?”

“What? No! No, of course not.” Tick. “Well…” Tock. “Maybe…” Tick. “But it’s none of your business!”

“You literally came here for my assistance, Logan. It is by definition my business now.”

“Hush! Just--Roman--PA!” Logan pushed Roman, who had been standing there silently, at the PA system to make the announcement.

And, in normal Roman fashion, it was ridiculously extra. “Ladies, lords, and non-binary royalty, The Prince is on the mic to ask you all formally if you have seen a handsome lad who ditched my best friend Logie--”

“Logie?!”

Roman covered the microphone with his hand as he hissed, “Logan didn’t rhyme there!”

“Shut up and hand over the mic,” Logan growled as he pushed Roman out of the chair and sat down. “Hello. It’s me, Logan Parker.” He took a deep, calming breath. “On Saturday, I danced with one of the most amazing people. You left in a hurry, and you ended up dropping your iPod on the ground. In all honesty, it was the best night of my life, and I want to give you back your iPod, so… if you are able to name the top four songs on your playlist, I’ll return the iPod to you. And maybe we can get coffee or something. Roman and I will be sitting in the center of the cafeteria at lunch so that we can find you.” He unclicked the on button of the PA, and sat back.

“You Gucci, Specs?” Roman asked.

“Yeah. I think so. This should be easy.”

“Okay, Chris. Go.” Logan felt every ounce of his soul drain from his body as his eyes flicked over to the dozens of students lined up to try and prove that they were his mystery guy.

“‘Livin’ la Vida Loca,’ ‘Maria,’ ‘She Bangs,’ and ‘Shake Your Bon-Bon.’ All by Ricky Martin.”

Logan swiped at a puddle of tears that had been left on the lunchroom table with his hand. “Sorry, but that isn’t it.”

The boy stormed off, and Logan let his head fall into his hands. This was a disaster. Logan mentally kicked himself for not being able to recognize who he was looking for right off the bat. He was such an idio--

“Hey, Lo. Do you want me to go around the line and kick out the excesses?” Roman whispered gently.

“God, please do.” Logan looked up; he felt like he was going to cry. “They’re all the same cookie-cutter Hollywood guys, Ro. That guy from the ball was special, but… what if I can’t find him?”

“Are you kidding? You are the Logan Parker! I have no doubt in my mind that we’ll find him.” He smiled. “I think he helped pull you out of your slump. There’s no way I’m letting a guy like that go.”

“Thanks, Roman.”

“Hey, what else is a prince for?”

Virgil shivered as he felt cold water drip down the back of his neck, no doubt staining it with streaks of purple. He had been unlucky enough to fall asleep during his second block class, and one of his asshole classmates got their hands on some glitter glue and wrote transphobic slurs in his hair. It was pretty standard for shit like that to happen, but Virgil had only dyed his hair again yesterday to it’s full purple potential, so it sucked that he had to wash it again. And Patton was pissed. That was pretty normal, too.

“If that teacher had known any better, she would have reported that guy for harassment!”

“Pat, just leave it. She was doing what would protect me from the wrath of administration. If she had reported him, she would have had to explain why I didn’t stop him, which would have gotten me in trouble, and I probably would have been taken out of school by Dominic. I’m already on thin enough ice. Mrs. Larsen was helping me.” Virgil began to ascend the cafeteria stairs, slipping around people who were stationed on the sides.

“That’s still such bullsh--”

Virgil pulled Patton to the side of the stairs with enough force to dislocate a shoulder. “Shut the fuck up for a second and look.”

“Holy--”

“I didn’t think he’d actually do it!” A dozen yards away sat the longest line of people that Virgil had ever seen outside of a Black Friday sale at the Gucci store in Los Angeles. And there was Logan at the head. “Are you fucking serious?”

“Virge, you’ve gotta go down there and tell him before someone starts a riot!”

“No!” Virgil turned to Patton. “No way.”

Patton wildly gestured at Logan. “He said that it was the best night of his life.”

“Yeah. Until he finds out that it was me.” He threw another glance at Logan. “Let’s just go.”

Virgil and Patton continued to their classes, but underneath the stairs, Toby and Ember had heard everything.

The second that Virgil entered the house, Toby and Ember were there to intercept him.

“Look at you, acting all innocent!” Toby snarled. Virgil needed to know that they weren’t going to let him steal Logan away.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Virgil looked confused and tried to evade the twins.

“Oh,” Ember said, gripping Virgil’s arm tightly. “We know it was you at the ball with Logan.”

There was a short pause before Virgil said, “You guys are crazy.”

“No, actually, you’re the crazy one if you think that we’re going to let you end up with Logan, you weird stalker!”

“And if you tell him that it was you,” Toby interjected, waving one of the copies of Virgil’s video in the air. “Your video will be everywhere. Hello, YouTube!”

Virgil scoffed. “You guys can barely work the toaster, let alone YouTube.”

“Try us.”

Ember pushed Virgil away. “Go make dinner. We’re hungry.”

Virgil stared at the twins for a few moments and walked away. Toby turned and went to the door.

“Hey, Toby, where’re you going?”

Toby froze. “None of your business, Ember! I mean, uh, nowhere. For a walk… Uh, outside.”

“Oh. Okay, bye!”

“Yeah, bye.” Toby slipped out the front door and went straight to Virgil’s room. “Playlist. I need to find that playlist.”

Clothes, pencils, notebooks, and everything in between was scattered through Virgil’s room as Toby searched. For twenty minutes, he found nothing, until…

“Aha! Hidden in plain sight, of course!” He lifted up a pillow and found an old Macbook. Without a second of hesitation, he opened it up and went to iTunes. “Okay… ‘Dying in LA,’ ‘Save Rock and Roll,’ ‘Freeze Your Brain,’ ‘Defying Gravity,’ and ‘Bohemian Rhapsody.’ Perfect!” He scribbled the titles onto the back of his right hand and went to make his leave, but the door swung open right as he was about to open it, and he was flung into the wall.

Ember sauntered into the room and gasped when he saw the laptop. He picked it up to find the songs, but it tumbled right out of his hands and onto the floor. It was obvious from the loud cracking sound that the laptop wasn’t going to be useable anymore.

“Can you give me a hint as to what genre the songs are?” Chris asked, pressing closer to Roman and Logan. “Are they emo? Metal? Electroclash? Latin pop???”

“Okay, everyone! Disperse yourselves.” Roman hopped up from his seat at the table to usher people away. “Come back… after class or something. Logan’s going to take a break.”

Logan slumped in his seat and waited for Roman to return to speak. “I’m never going to find him. This is hopeless.”

“Hold up. What is this illogical garbage that I’m hearing from you, Logan?” Roman looked more offended than usual.

“It’s not illogical, though.” It was more of a question than a statement.

“It most certainly is! Say there’s an equal fifty-fifty distribution of males and females at our school--excluding the lovely non-binaries, which would make up around 1% of our school, probably. That means that there are about 750 males at our school currently. Sure, the odds don’t seem great, but there’s a chance. Therefore, Logan, we must keep hope that you will find your prince.” Roman smirked. “Logical enough for you, Specs?”

Logan smiled a bit. “Go away.”

“Nah. I’d never ditch my best friend, Lo--”

“Logan Parker!”

“Toby,” Roman sighed, standing up to escort the twin away. “Dude, Logan is on a break. Please come back during business hours, or you can send a letter that will be processed in five to seven business days.”

“Oh, of course. I’m actually in the mood for a prince…” Toby flirtatiously traced his finger on Roman’s collar.

“Are you serious?”

“No! Get out of my way!” Roman was flung backwards with a surprising amount of force, and Logan was only able to stare at his best friend as Toby approached. “I’m The One, Logan!”

Logan didn’t even have the energy to muster a laugh. “Yeah, right.”

“I can prove it. I know all of the songs on the playlist.”

“Of course. Do go on.”

Toby smiled a dazzling smile. Well, dazzling in the blinding way with his bright orange, sparkly braces bands. “‘Dying in LA,’ ‘Save Rock and Roll,’ ‘Freeze Your Brain,’ ‘Defying Gravity,’ and ‘Bohemian Rhapsody!’”

Roman rejoined Logan and whispered, “This is impossible. Right?”

“Ha! I’m right! Kiss me!” Toby surged forward, and Logan almost fell backwards trying to evade him.

“Woah, holy--wait!” Logan held Toby at arm’s length. “You’ve got to dance first.”

“What?!” Toby spluttered. “But--I already told you the songs! That’s all you asked. And I’m not warmed up, and there’s no music!”

Roman sighed dramatically, hanging off of Logan. “Logan, darling, he’s obviously not the one you’re looking for. I mean, he can’t even dance for you.”

“Oh, you’re right!” Logan swerved around Toby. “Well, see ya!”

“No, wait!” Toby grabbed Logan’s hand and spun him back to the table. “I love to dance!”

Logan watched in horror-filled awe as Toby started to “dance” in harsh, seizing motions. In all honesty, he hadn’t expected anything like that. Roman, completely unfazed, decided that it was time to leave, and he dragged Logan away as Toby continued to dance.

Logan was tired. He was really fucking tired of having being, well… for being Logan Parker. It honestly just sucked to be famous. Which sounded stupid and pretentious, but it was true. People fawned over him, and he just wanted some coffee, but there was only shitty canned espresso in an overpriced vending machine, so here he was. In a random hallway getting coffee. He jabbed at the coffee button and leaned down to grab the can. As he stood up, he came face to face with Ember standing in what he could only construe as a seductive position against the vending machine.

“Woah, okay, Ember…”

“Ready to meet your mystery guy, Logan?”

“You know the songs, too? God, can I just catch a break?” Logan ran a hand through his hair and started to walk away, but Ember tugged him back.

What is with these twins and tugging people around?

“But I’m the real freaking one! And I freaking love you, so you’d better freaking love me back, you freaking freak!” Ember yelled. Logan blinked a few times at the outburst.

“Way, way, way deep inside, I’m sure that you’re a… decent person, Ember, but I’ve really got to go--”

“I can prove it!” He threw his backpack on the ground with a dull plop. “Through dance!”

Before Ember could even get very far into his equally as awful dance, Logan ditched the scene, eager to find Roman to get out of the school for his off period.

“Oh my god, Virge. I can’t believe the twins would hold that video against you! You were literally eleven.”

Virgil ate another spoonful of frosting from the tub that Patton had bought him, glaring out the windshield at nothing in particular. “What do I do? I don’t want Logan to think that I’m a fucking stalker! Not to mention the fact that he obviously doesn’t remember me from pre-transition, so he’d find out about that, too. People like me don’t belong with people like him.”

“Look,” Patton said seriously; although, the off-kilter blue bow in his hair made it a little difficult to actually take him seriously. “You and Logan clicked out there on the dancefloor. You have to talk to him.”

“Nuh uh.”

“Yuh huh--oh, look!” Patton pointed out the window at Roman and Logan passing by. “It’s showtime, Virgil! You’ve got this.”

“Yeah! I can do this.” Virgil reached over to open the door, but he whipped around again. “Wait, you know what? Let’s get some food first.”

“Yeah, no,” Patton deadpanned.

“Fuck, fine!” Virgil rushed out of the van before he chickened out and walked over to Logan’s car. “Hey, Logan. I need to tell you something really important.”

“Oh!” Logan smiled charmingly, and damn this stupid crush that Virgil had. “Hello. You work for Dominic, correct?”

“What? No! That’s not what--”

Roman, from the other side of the car, giggled. “You had shrimp in your hair.”

Virgil glared at him. “Well, I mean… Yeah, that was me, but that isn’t what I wanted to say.” He took a deep breath. “I’m--”

“Oh my god!” Logan threw his hands in the air in frustration. “Seriously? Dominic is relentless. First Toby, then Ember, and now you, too?” He ran his hands through his hair and sighed. “Just… I’m looking for someone, okay? I don’t have time to talk. Especially not about that stupid duet. I’ve gotta go… It was nice seeing you.”

Roman and Logan sat in their seats, and Virgil took a few steps back as they pulled out. He watched them for a few seconds before racing back to Patton’s van. Without hesitation, he whipped open the door and grabbed his back and skateboard from the floor.

“I told you, Pat.”

“Oh my god, he blew you off!”

Virgil sighed and backed away a bit. “Whatever.” He slammed the door shut and skated off, ignoring the tears that fell down his cheeks.

Part Six

[shofie-ffxiv]

My anger is mine, I will feel it as deeply and expressly as violently as I please. 

I have struggled all my life with anger issues. While it’s gotten a little easier in later years, for a very long time, anger consumed me. I was very quick to anger, it was very easy for me to feel a lot of rage.

My anger is something I always feel burning in the back of my mind. It’s never really gone completely.  This stems from my childhood. My mother was a narcissist, and my father her enabler. I was always rigidly kept in line, tightly controlled at all times. I had no control over anything.  Not where I went, not what I wore, or how I cut my hair, what I ate, etc.  My mother was furious if I did anything without her consent. The way of a narcissistic parent, particularly a narcissistic mother, is that their children are, by extension, them. They are them. My mother did not view me as a person. She viewed me as a piece of her. 

So anything I did was a reflection of her. My straight A’s? “Ah yes, she’s so smart, I’m so proud!” It was just as if she had gotten the straight A’s. “Oh...she talked too much in class? I didn’t raise her to be that way.” I’d get punished. “Go pick a switch,” was an awfully common saying in our house until I was a teenager, at which point, it just became a belt instead. I was cowed, and terrified my entire childhood and a good portion of my young adult life like this. I am sadly, all too aware of what it’s like being under the thumb of a narcissist. I have spent my entire life trying to heal from the actions and abuse of one.

There are huge swaths of blackness where there should be happy childhood memories like playing with friends or swimming at the lake, or barbecues, but I have an empty void there. To this day, I have serious memory issues because of the shit I endured growing up. My mind just doesn’t function well in this area; and I constantly take notes and save things to remind myself of them. 

When I started taking up art, it became a shield that protected me. My mother wanted that talent to grow, because people liked it. Of course, it was hers. So proud.

I was angry. My anger burned at me constantly, about how unfair this was. For a very, very long time, my emotions waged a war between incredible fury, and some of the darkest fear I’ve ever known in my life. Anytime I felt angry, I immediately felt fear. These emotions were so intrinsically connected for me. Anger was bad, anger might get me thrown out. Might get me beaten. Maybe worse.

I couldn’t live without my parents, they’d made sure to teach me helplessness. They made it sound like I’d never survive without them. The world would eat me alive, because I was really quite stupid, and had nothing of value to offer anyone. My only purpose in life was that I could be my mother’s pride and joy, crafted just the way she liked. 

I rejected all her attempts at making me a girly girl, and my father was upset he never had a son, so I have some delightful gender identity issues to this day in large part because of all of that. My rejection of femininity is in large part because it was something my mother wanted. 

I always felt more comfortable being masculine, but that was never “right” either, and I was made to feel ashamed of that. I was “wrong”. Everything I did was always wrong, even simply existing was wrong.

This is why I prefer “they/them”, but also why other pronouns don’t really bother me either. Most people just use feminine ones, as I’m DFAB and I’m generally just non-binary. 

One day, when I was in my early 20′s, I left home. 

I “ran away”, according to them.

I was more afraid in my life than I had ever been, and that’s a huge oversimplification of it all. I had lived my entire life in fear. One wrong word, one wrong look, resulted in a beating, or hours and hours of lecturing about how worthless and useless and stupid I was. I had to repeat a litany back to them about how useless and stupid and worthless I was. I was made to tell them this every day of my life. Every day. Every single day.

My father confronted me angrily about how I ran away (which I think is impossible for a person in their 20′s to do, but I digress). I was afraid. Then something strange happened, and I got angry.

I got really angry.

And for the first time in my life, my father was afraid of me.

All I did was raise my voice, but he had never seen me so angry before. 

At that point, I realized anger was not always bad. You have to be careful not to let it consume you, but anger is not always bad. Anger is a feeling, like any other, and it can control you or consume you, or protect you. It’s all in how you use it. Feelings are feelings, it’s how you express them that matter. 

This whole thing lately...I have a lot of emotions I’m still trying to process. There are hints of the narcissism I dealt with from my mother, and my anger is back because I feel I was treated unfairly. My conflict is back, that my “training” taught me that anger is bad, but man, am I angry.

I was pushed to be made to feel afraid, had threats made against me (that my abuser is now denying they made, in spite of literal evidence of those threats). 

I thought maybe it would be appropriate for me to talk about myself a little bit here, to show why it hurt so much to have someone accuse me of being a transphobe, or why someone telling me that my fear of them got their dick hard was one of the worst things I’ve heard someone say lately. 

Why them calling me stupid, and all those other things was just a little too close to home. Oz didn’t know any of this about me. I don’t really tell it to a lot of people unless they’re close to me. I feel like it’s my burden, it’s my problem, and most people rightly don’t want to know this, or hear about it. But it was awful what was done to me, and Oz didn’t even know just how awful the things were they did to me. All I want, all I ever wanted, was to go my own way and leave them be. They were awful to me, they were awful to my friend, but all I wanted was to just not deal with them. I cautioned the people I considered my friends, but that was it. Instead they attacked me, harassed me, harassed my friend in the game, made some of the most vile threats toward me I’ve heard in awhile, and spread lies about us. A lot of them people blindly believed, because they felt that was the right thing to do.

Oz unwittingly acted so familiar to me, and seeing that pattern again from someone...Well, the problem is, when you try to make people afraid, eventually you can only push them so far before you stand up to them. I don’t fault the people who wanted to believe them. They framed themselves as a sort of community protector, a gatekeeper, self-styled as a “paladin”. They often referred to it as “my community”, but I don’t think they understand what sharing is. The problem is when that happens, and people give them power, it can be misused. When personal grudges got in the mix, they decided to use that status and power to their advantage. 

I am hurt. I am angry. It will take awhile to heal. My only advice to anyone who reads this is, if you hear some shit about people? Take it with a grain of salt. Do your own research. Don’t automatically assume the worst of people. Talk to people. Or don’t.  But don’t make up shit about them to hurt them. Just move on. 

[what-even-is-thiss]

As much as it hurts, it takes time for people to change.

We all want for everything to be okay right away. Some of us are transgender and want our pronouns to be used all the time right away. Some of us want to be in multiple romantic relationships at once. Some of us are asexual or aromantic and just want to be accepted as what we are. Some of us are gay, bi, or pan, and want people to understand that love is love. And there are hundreds more things I could think of.

But people don’t change overnight. Some people have had certain ideas drilled into their heads for decades. Ten, twenty, fifty, seventy years. A lot of people are trying to rearrange their entire way of thinking right now. Even in the nineties gay marriage wasn’t even on people’s minds for the most part. Some people are just now learning of the very existence of transgender people.

Here on Tumblr we exist in a bubble. A big gay bubble full of terminology and words we know by heart. A bubble where people know what asexuality is and that romantic and sexual attraction are different and same sex attraction isn’t all about sex and that a trans woman is a woman born with male anatomy and a trans man is a man born with female anatomy and that intersex people exist.

Not everyone knows of these things. My dad never explained to me what gay was because he didn’t know how to explain it without bringing up sex. He sees now that was wrong but in the 90s and early 2000s he didn’t know that. Nobody had given him the proper information. I had to explain to him when I was twelve why sex doesn’t have to be brought into the conversation and that bisexual people exist. Every time I explain things to him I can see the gears turning in his brain taking in that information, adjusting his entire worldview accordingly. He still gets confused about what a trans man is and what a trans woman is, but is trying his best to make the connection there.

I’ve met straight cisgender people who resist ideas that will change their entire worldview. These are the dangerous ones. And often they are the ones that aren’t willing to listen. However, I’ve also met straight cisgender people that attempt, however uneasily, to embrace these ideas. These are the friends that would stand up for me, and the relatives that worry about my safety but don’t want me to be unhappy. And I’ve met queer people that don’t know all the language either.

To us, this is all easy. All obvious. We’ve been here. We’ve found our answers or have been searching for them. We’ve been repressing and searching for answers and hurt time and time again. We’ve made language and created communities. Communities that sometimes fight, but for the most part band together. But not everyone has been searching for these answers and learning this language. We’ve made a beautiful thing that’s built on the backs of those who came before us. We stand on the shoulders of giants and in some cases on corpses. We have lost and fought to be ourselves.

But not everyone has seen it. For those who never had to search, it can be hard to find. They don’t know the questions to ask. They don’t know the language to use because they’ve never needed it. Privilege is having the ability to ignore something. It’s having blinders put on you by society, and often you don’t even know you’re wearing them. I have white privilege. Racism had to be pointed out to me because it does not affect me in a way that’s obvious to me and if I chose to I could ignore it. I choose not to ignore it because that’s the right thing to do, but I still sometimes have the blinders on without realizing it. There’s still new terms and language I know nothing about, and at least once a month an issue is brought to my attention that I knew nothing about before. This is also the reality for straight cisgender people, and in some cases, queer cisgender people or queer people that haven’t found the community yet.

You will meet in your life quite a few jerks. People that will try to make it about them. People that will misgender you on purpose, people that will insist you’re dirty or wrong, and people that just generally refuse to change their mindset. These people are not worthy of your patience.

But you will also meet in your life people that keep messing up but genuinely want to help. A person that keeps misgendering you on accident but is trying to rewire their brain to not do that. A guy that made a gay joke out of an old habit but then realizes afterwards that was a bad thing to do. An old person that thinks you’re referring to multiple people when you call someone “they” and just doesn’t know yet. An average person that doesn’t know what non binary is. Someone who associates polyamory with ownership of women and has never heard of it in a healthy context.

Sometimes being patient with people like that is hard. It might feel like they’re just trying to spite you, or that they’ll never get it, or that they secretly hate you. It can sometimes get frustrating and you may feel tempted to lash out. It can feel like they’re not trying. But this is new to them. There are a lot of people that don’t have to think about lgbtq+ issues 24/7. So they have to remind themselves to think about it. And the human brain is lazy. It likes to take shortcuts. So they’re probably going to fall back into their old habits several times before they actually fall into better habits.

I’m not advocating for just putting up with this. Definitely call them out on it. That’ll make things move along faster. Bring up transphobic, homophobic, biphobic, aphobic, etc. jokes. Correct misgendering and deadname usage. Point out to them that part of being a good ally is to educate yourself and they can google these things quite easily. But what I am saying is that sometimes we have to take a small step out of our cozy little gay bubble and realize what the rest of the world is seeing. Realize that sometimes well meaning people make mistakes, especially when they’re learning, and there isn’t always bad intentions there.

As a trans person fresh out of the closet, I have to remind myself of this on the daily. My family used She/her to refer to me for over 18 years. They were taught that there is no singular “they” and that people can only have one set of pronouns. They’re trying to relearn something right now. It’s like learning to walk on the right side of the road when you’ve always walked on the left, or learning to use a spoon with your non dominant hand. It’s totally doable, but it takes time. And my family knows that every “She” and “daughter” that refers to me cuts like a knife because I’ve told them so. They’re trying. They’re not making up excuses. They’re willing to learn. So when I get angry about it I force myself to step back for a moment. They mean well. They love me. My anger is valid, but they’re trying.

Your anger and frustration is valid, but sometimes you don’t need to act on it. There are other places to put your energy. The world is rearranging itself socially and there are people that are trying to help. If they’re willing to learn and they know they have no excuse and this isn’t about them, then at least try to keep that in mind.