#the peak of on screen male intimacy

[oncemorewithqueering-tv]

twin peaks sexuality headcanons

warning: very long

my god do I have THINGS to say about this show and 99 of them are about albert

so I thought before my feed is entirely twin peaks, I’d give my thoughts on the Outrageous Gay Tension of this show with some context

also ignore my handwriting, I’m very sick at the moment and have taken a lot of paracetamol (be more responsible than me kids)

spoilers for all 3 seasons, sorry

DALE COOPER

he/him

transmasc (FTM)

bisexual

listen. listen. trucoop is real rosencoop is real it’s all real. i love coop more than i can describe (which is weird considering I’m gay) and i heavily head cannoned him as trans and bi the second he drove onto my screen. i think he’d prefer men but women are also his cup of tea, or coffee rather. anyway he deserved better and he deserved to give Harry a little kiss.

HARRY TRUMAN

he/him

cisgender male

bisexual

i originally would have said Harry was gay, but I’m not a big fan of relationship erasure. yes, he is with josie. that’s why he’s bi.

i think Harry would have had a crush on some guys at school but would have bottled it down, until coop came to town, and he suddenly had a gay crisis. if i had to pinpoint a moment, i would say his initial realisation would have been when coop steals his nose (best scene) and he would have come to terms with it by the end of season 1.

even harry is not immune to the eyes of Dale cooper.

LAURA PALMER

she/they

cisgender female (but questioning her identity)

biromantic lesbian

first up, I’d like to give my consolidation to Laura palmer and anyone who may be reading who ever experienced something like her. she is my favourite character, apart from Coop Harry and Audrey, and i think she deserved so much better. PERSONALLY i think she and Donna had a very strong emotional romance but not necessarily a physical one. i think that her experiences with men caused her to do a big ol’ comphet and assume she liked being intimate with men. in reality, i think she wasn’t actually attracted to them but was doing it, alongside all the canon reasons, to reject her feelings to women.

and James happened, i guess.

DONNA HAYWARD

she/they

demigirl

homoflexible

idk whether i just see my identity in donna, but i think she definitely isn’t 100% female. i can’t explain it at all, but i just get the vibe.

as for her sexuality, obviously she and Laura had their thing, but i think her romantic tension with literally all. the. female. characters. initially made me think she was a lesbian. but, we have the James factor.

fucking James (my reaction whenever he is onscreen btw)

i think that her emotional intimacy to Laura would have naturally led her to the other emotionally intimate person in Laura’s life. i think James is the closest thing she has to Laura left, which is so sad. i love donna, idc what the widely accepted opinion is. i believe the ‘Just You’ song scene is her grappling with her feeling with maddy. i mean tbh if my girlfriend died and then her identical twin came back, i would probably be weird about it too.

AUDREY HORNE

she/they

trans femme (MTF) (i couldn’t fit it on the picture sorry)

biromantic demisexual

AUDREY AUDREY AUDREY AUDREY MY BELOVED

when i tell you i came out of twin peaks 15% gayer it is BECAUSE OF THIS GIRL. i love her storylines, her dialogue, her friendship with coop. it all feels so realistic! and her dancing!

back to the sexuality and gender thing, which is what this post is about, i personally believe her crush on coop came from a place of seeing a happy trans person comfortable in their identity and finding that beautiful. then translating that to love.

as for being biromantic, c’mon. donna and her definitely had a thing going for a bit. her demi sexuality comes from a place of her extreme discomfort in sex work (which is valid if you aren’t demisexual, by the way, but combined with her virginity until she forms a meaningful connection, the pieces fell into place for me. yes i am also demisexual and yes i am totally biased.)

ALBERT ROSENIFELD

he/him (because he is Him)

trans masc (FTM)

gay as fuck

“I love you, sheriff Truman”

I’m sorry??? excuse me?

albert is gay in so many ways it’s not even funny. with coop. with Harry. with gordon in season 3. and my trans headcanon? idk i just sort of vibed with it. normalise head canonning people as gay or trans with no reason.

also i love the idea that Denise, Albert and coop are just a group of trans fbi agents. we already have Mulder from the x files we need more (tell me if you want an x files version of this)

GORDON COLE

he/him

cisgender male

bicurious

i honestly can’t tell if David lynch would curse me for this post or just shrug it off

anyway. gordon didn’t strike me as being particularly fruity until season 3, when he had his whole trans power speech and those weirdly domestic scenes with albert. like, pop off little fbi husbands. i think he’s still working through period-typical biphobia and isn’t ready to say he’s bi. but i think with time he will be.

someone needs to take me away from this show for like a week and sit me down with some literature. I’d just gay headcanon it anyway (looking at you Sherlock Holmes)

BOBBY BRIGGS

they/he

demiboy

bisexual

the more i watch this show, the more i think to myself…”Bobby is…me?” idk whether it’s dana ashbrook’s truly unhinged and amazing performance, the weird nervous gay energy and the lack of masculinity for a character who would normally be obnoxiously masculine. i love him so much.

i think Bobby would struggle in the gender norms of being the child of a military man. and the sexuality norms of being the “bad boy” in school. i firmly believe that he is bisexual, because let’s face it, everyone in this godforsaken show is bi. find me ONE straight character. ONE STRAIGHT.

SHELLY JOHNSON

she/her

cisgender female

heteroflexible and demisexual

SHELLY IS A LITTLE BIT GAY BECAUSE I SWEAR TO GOD AS I WAS WATCHING THIS I WAS THIS CLOSE (HOLDS FINGERS TOGETHER) TO KISSING MY TV SCREEN.

shelly seems like the sort of person to have been raised with certain heteronormative values. but, i think after going out with Bobby, i think she’d have a little sit and think and say “huh maybe i would kiss a girl.” she hasn’t, yet, but that’s just because her crushes so far have been on men. if she met the right girl, she would.

i think her demisexuality comes partly from trauma and also because we need something in common because, if i haven’t made it clear, i LOVE HER.

HAWK

he/him

cisgender male

gay

don’t be lying about that poetry being for your girlfriend hawk. this is the only character where i will defy canon, fold my arms and say no. i love that hawk got a bigger role in season 3, and i think that based off all i know about him (being the best character) i would headcanon him as being gay. why? idk. look at him?

hawk would totally just rock up one day with a guy on his arm, no explanation, and say nothing until Lucy stumbled into asking him about this guy. and he’d just be like “oh this is my husband. yeah we’ve been married for 6 years. you were at the wedding, we just didn’t tell you it was a wedding.”

iconic.

also i had hair envy the entire show, i wish that when i straightened my hair it was that luxurious.

LUCY BRENNAN

she/her

cisgender female

bisexual

I’m sorry Lucy, no one is THAT frazzled and not sapphic. it’s a rule.

i feel like Lucy would consider herself straight until she was taught about the internet, got a Facebook account, and promptly shut it down, but before doing that saw the word ‘bisexual’ and felt weirdly drawn to it. Andy was, of course, super supportive if a little confused. she’s still figuring it out.

i feel like she’d wear sweaters in the bisexual colours and be very happy whenever someone noticed.

ANDY BRENNAN

he/him

cisgender male

straight ally (but not really)

Andy is straight, but like more in a straight with a question mark way. maybe if he hadn’t dated Lucy, maybe if they hadn’t fallen in love, he would have caught feelings for a guy. after Lucy came out, he did some thinking, but decided to keep it to himself. who knows, maybe his tulpa is “kinda gay” (obligatory Buffy reference)

WE ARE DONE LADIES AND GENTS AND PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT EITHER BUT STILL HIGHLY ESTEEMED.

so, thoughts? I’m gonna do a part two with the season 3 exclusive characters, and some characters i forgot, like Norma, ed, Hank, josie, James….and Wyndam Earl. OH and Denise

thank you so much for bearing with me, and love y’all 🫶

(not as much as I’ll ever love Shelly)

[swiftviolets]

top 23 screenshots of 2023 <3

i was tagged by @applesaucesims a while ago to share my top 23 screenshots of 2023 and it was actually pretty hard to pick just 23!!!! i've seen a lot of people do them by month but because i made this blog in like may i'm just post them all as one :) some are raw some are edited its a real mixed bag i've seen a lot tagged in this already but if you haven't done this yet consider yourself tagged <3!!!

i thought she just looked cool here :(

2. i like the vibe of it and again i just thought she looked cool here lol. i wanna remake this so bad

3. i really like the angle i got w this, like its from elvis' pov. he wants attention but neither are giving it him

4. this was initially from when i started to make pictures to go around lori's apartment but never got around to finishing them. its a little lori and her oldest brother before he goes off to fight in korea :)

5. elvis was not having being held!!!

6. this was when i first started messing around with tool and i just love this shot a lot

7. one of my faves of all time!!!! i cant wait to add more context to this as i get deeper into four to one

8. i was trying so hard to get that feel of an up and coming band and their first album. i looked at a lot of old 60s garage band album covers and some were so raw like literally just a bunch of guys posing somewhere and thats what i attempted to duplicate with this :)

9. i could've honestly included the whole post this screen was from but out of all of them this was my favourite. idk i just like its the first little glimpse you get of new orleans before the street scenes. i was trying to set the mood a little lol

10. literally not a thought inside his little orange head <3

11. i used another angle of this pose for the initial post its from but idk i also liked this one a lot too i think lou's awkwardness makes it for me lol

12. i really like how andy looks back to lori as she was leaving. he looks so helpless and ideally he'd have gone after her but a) he didn't want to deal with her anger and b) he was really not in the mood to receive any shit from the rest of the group, and out of the 2 he's not ready to face lori's wrath!!!! i also like the couple on the left bc they could legit be talking about anything

13. the way they're looking here.... ough. in the story post they take a few moments to watch lori pass before initially approaching her. the look they give her is mixed with the displeasure of spending their friday night tailing their boss' 'girlfriend' and just your typical male gaze of watching girls go by

14. i think i peaked with this shot. she was literally just getting into a car what an absolute icon

15. & 16. the way she looks at him and the way he looks at her...... chefs kiss. she's annoyed and he can tell but that doesn't stop him with appreciating how she looks

17. its my blog header image for a reason <3

18. i love this little moment of intimacy between them. their relationship can feel more like an acquaintanceship at times, especially with how marco speaks to lori and how he treats her. i like in this shot it captures a rare moment in their relationship where lori is genuinely sweet and he's soaking it all in. also i really like both their side profiles hehe

19. i was starting to take screens for a post i was going to make then i just forgot about it but i really like this and how it's a little sneak peak on what to expect later on in four to one :)

20. i just love how the preset i used made this screen look tbh

21. just a cute lil gameplay moment no poses or anything just love between a girl and her cat <3

22. & 23. taken from lori's magazine spread i just really like how candid they look both look

[hes-writer]

Don’t Make A Scene

Summary: y/n is an actress and harry is jealous

Warnings: unwanted touching, implied smut, a teensy bit of angst and fluff

Word Count: 2000 words

“You have to what?” Harry raised his voice slightly at the news. 

Y/N fiddled at the silver jewelry adorning her wrist, “It’s a quick scene,” She retorted. “It’ll only be on screen for a minute or less,” 

He shook his head as if disappointed. His lips in a firm line tucked in his mouth while his brows furrowed in complete confusion.

“Y/N, listen to me. You have a choice to do this scene or not and you’re just—,” Hary's hands gestured gesticulatively, cutting through the air in an appointed manner. 

Y/N huffed lightly, “I’m just what?”

Harry groaned, frustrated with the way this night is taking a turn to. “You’re just doing whatever they tell you to!”

“Harry, this is my decision!” Y/N explained, “No one’s forcing me to do anything,” 

“So you’re just kissing him for what?”

“For a thank you because his character literally saved my life!”

Harry looked like a fish out of the water as he tried to conjure up a response to her words.

“You can come to the set if it makes you feel better,” Y/N offered, to which Harry immediately agreed to. "You can't get angry at me for doing my job, Harry."

-----

Harry is a jealous person. There wasn’t much shame in admitting it because he believed that what’s his was solely his—especially Y/N. The idea of his love sharing intimacy with another person, albeit a co-star, was enough kindling to light a fire at the base of his spine, slithering up his back and making his head heated to the point that every thought fired by his neurons resembled an atomic bomb. He could feel his hands itching to stay put, his nerves aching to grab Y/N and never let her go.

Y/N could see Harry’s antsy body from the peripheral of her vision. The curly-haired boy glancing anxiously upon the set; a room with dark mahogany walls decored with wooden furniture and accented knick-knacks sitting atop. The atmosphere of the set was enigmatic, curtains shut with only a sliver of orange-hued light peeking through directly on the bed. Candles were lit around the room, wafting off a cinnamon vanilla aroma that reminded Y/N of the ones she would carefully light when the time arose with Harry.

The pout of his pink lips deepened as he released a breath, his cheeks puffed up while his eyes tried to catch hers indicating that Harry’s usual calm persona was close to crumbling. Time was drawing closer as the producers slowly wore their ear-in pieces and microphones, adjusting the equipment to fit comfortably. 

“How you doing, baby?” Y/N asked gently, wanting to comfort him as best as she could before she was skewed away in the world of acting. Her hands folded his curls atop Harry’s crown, palm grazing the creased lines of his forehead as he tilted his head up to look at her from his decreased height on her assigned chair. 

“Do you have to do it?” Harry quipped silently, his voice resembling a whine. During the time of their argument to now, he managed to swap his thoughts from being angry to accepting, Well, as best as he could. Y/N was glad that their argument did not explode more than it had to.

He whined low in his throat when Y/N nodded, wrapping his arms around her waist. The fuzzy material of her robe caressing his cheek and Harry briefly forgot what he was here for in the first place. 

“Alright, everyone. Places!” The director’s voice boomed through his mic, amplified by the speakers surrounding the studio. Harry pouted some more when Y/N practically untangled his hands latched tightly from around her middle. Her make-up artists powdering her face with translucent powder as she walked towards the bathroom of the set. He smiled slightly at the sight; his love was so talented and he couldn’t be any prouder than he is right now. 

“Action!”

 The lights dimmed to further accentuate the romantic atmosphere of the room, the cameras slowly moving in circles, zooming in and capturing the room. Y/N’s co-star, Allen, was sat upon the headboard with his back supported, the lower half of his body was draped with a silky red sheet covering up to his upper thigh. Harry could only roll his eyes at the cliche scene with Allen’s gaze focused on a book, fingers flicking focusing in on the bathroom door opening. 

Harry could hear the muttering of the director, cueing the crew to indicate Y/N’s arrival to the lenses’ eye. Y/N opened the door just as the large camera drifted to focus on her. Her innocent face appearing on the screen, hair tousled and make-up was just the same as Harry had seen moments ago, only this time did a seductive stare plastered her face. Her lids hooded the dark fluttering of her lashes as her pointer finger rested upon her lower lip. Harry gulped, shifting silently in his seat.

Everything happened in slow motion after that. Allen’s eyes drifting from the words on the book to Y/N carefully untying the knot of her robe, revealing stretches of smooth skin that had Harry’s mouth watering despite the circumstances. The nape of his neck bubbled with heat while he watched the scene unfold to its climax.

Y/N walked until she was at the foot of the bed, Allen meeting her with his knees digging on the mattress as their lips grazed each others’, muttering the necessary lines from their scripts. His hands wandered around the fabric before Allen pushed the robe off from Y/N’s rounded shoulders, dropping on the hardwood with a soft thud. Harry’s jaw dropped at the lingerie adorning her body, speckles of black lace covering her most intimate parts but surely left little to the imagination. The opaque material highlighting the peeks of her breasts, intricate lace swirling around the firmness of her buttcheeks. The garter snapped around her thigh attached to a fishnet stocking was enough to have Harry imagining doing dirty things to his girl.

The camera shifted its neck lower and lower, following Allen’s hands caressing her soft skin raising with goosebumps before resting on the crest of her bum. Harry’s annoyance overpowered his arousal as he watched another man’s touch affecting Y/N even if she didn’t mean to. 

Y/N craned her neck clockwise, adding to the sensuality of the scene and for Allen to nip at her neck. Her mind was zeroed in on capturing the essence of the script as perfectly as possible, the goosebumps on her body elevating with the need to push Allen’s hands away from her. Still, she continued with her acting. Y/N was a professional actress after all. 

She counted in her mind to make sure that her lines were delivered on time, willing her body to relax under the touch of another man’s hands, knowing that her tense figure would be captured by the prying eyes of the camera reeling. A gasp parted her mouth open when Allen squeezed both of her butt cheeks tightly, gripping the tender skin with enough force to prickle tears in her eyes, his fingertips leaving white indentations for a few seconds before turning a blush red. 

“Cut!” The director yelled, “That wasn’t in the script, Allen! Are you alright, Y/N?”

Harry leaned forward, forearms resting on the armrests, his ears straining to hear the conversation being shared as the director angrily stomped to the stars, his microphone tilted away from his mouth. 

She nodded slowly, gulping a ball of wool down her throat. “I’m fine,”

“We have a script and we follow it so everyone is comfortable.” 

An arrogant smirk drooped Allen's cheeks, glancing at Y/N,  her arms awkwardly hanging at the sides of her body. “I thought it felt right. Right, Y/N?” Allen eyed Harry walking towards them, a pissed off look on his face but he couldn’t care less.

“What the fuck?”

“It’s acting, pal. Don’t get so heated,” Allen’s hair flopped in front of his eyes, hiding a mischievous glint.

“You don’t treat women like that even if you’re acting,” Harry’s timbre mellowed the tense aura, noticing Y/N’s barely covered body still adorned in goosebumps from the chilly air. He removed his jacket, wrapping it around her.

The director nodded in agreement, fingers massaging his temples as he glanced at his watch. “Sort this out. I’ll be right back,” 

Allen chuckled in disbelief, “It’s acting.” As if his annunciation would magically make his actions better. “We’re professionals, right Y/N?”

Both men watched Y/N in anticipation of her response, Harry's silent stare asking her a million times to say what she means, to address the elephant in the room before stuffing herself in the corner in fear of confrontation. 

“Yeah, we are.” Y/N began, tucking Harry’s jacket tighter around her, “It doesn’t mean I deserved what you did,” She snuggled closer to Harry’s side, finding comfort by the heat of his body close to her. “I don’t want you touching me like that unless it says so.”

Harry sized Allen up, noticing the swole biceps and peaked pecs but he would knock him out this instant if Y/N told him to. 

“Fine. Whatever, we’ll have to do this scene again anyway,” Allen’s confident tone shook Y/N with fear and rattled Harry’s control to the ground. 

“Actually, you won’t have to,” The director returned with a clipboard grasped in his aged-hands, a pen tucked in his ear. “You’re fired, Allen.”

“What?”

“I expected you to treat Y/N with respect but you didn’t,”

Harry hugged Y/N closer to his side, their eyes wide in surprise at the bombshell.

“Oh, come on! You can’t do this. I’m the male lead,” Allen pointed out with such arrogance and defiance against authority. “You can’t shoot this without me.”

Y/N’s brows furrowed in worry. It was only the first day of filming and without a lead; there would be no movie.

“Of course we can,” The director answered calmly, “Why do you think we film the intimate scenes first? Need to see if you can treat your co-stars with respect before we move on,"

Allen’s mouth was dropped open, frustration clearly etched on his features. If Harry didn’t know any better, he might have felt bad for the guy, but his filthy hands marked his girlfriend up without her consent and that’s just not something that he can let slide off his back.

Allen ordered his assistant to get his shirt, slipping his head in the hole before storming off to his dressing room. The director turned to the couple with an apologetic face, promising Y/N that her next co-star is someone that respected her as their partner. 

“Harry, would you like to audition?”

Y/N squealed in delight, immediately wrapped her hands around his wrist, bouncing up and down with excitement, “Will you do it, please?”

“Are you serious?” 

The director nodded, “I’ve seen you on Dunkirk. A Nolan film for your debut,” His tone carried an impressed valve. “I think Y/N here would love for you to be her co-star,”

Harry stared at Y/N’s pleading, doe eyes. He sighed, nodding with a small smile on his lips, “I’d love to,”

“Great!” The director clapped his hands in celebration, announcing through his headset that they would be filming the scene again. “This is your audition scene. I want this film to showcase intimacy and unrequited love between two people battling against the criticisms of the outside world, think you can do that?”

Harry’s mind reeled in the judgments, comments and harsh words spewed at him and Y/N for being together. The criticisms harshly raking up and yelled in their ears when they didn’t know the truth. Rumours painted to tear them apart, causing doubts and misunderstandings but they always worked through it. It pained his heart to have the world treat her like they did, especially when she was the sweetest little things that could have ever graced foot on the world.

 “Already am,”

_____

[k347]

Hello Evanstan Shippers, I got some questions for you ❤️

1-What was your first impression on EvanStan?

2- What did you like or love about This Ship?

3-How did your love for them start?

4-Can you Show the your favorite moment between them?

5- would you Rather get married to one of them or see them marry each other? Lol

I love this ask 😘

First Impressions-

With Chris, the first movie I saw was Puncture and thought he was phenomenal. Seb, I knew him from the Gossip Girl days...

The first 'Evanstan' impression though it is from TFA press tour (I am sorry I can't't find the video at the time. But one Interviewer mentions good looks or something and Chris goes "Oh yeah, there are a lot of good-looking guys in this film. Tom Cooper, Sebastian Staaaan (he lights up after saying Seb's name, clicks his toungue makes a 'tch tch tch' sound while pursing his lips & showing the thumbs up 👍 sign and winks. He winked. I really need to find this video man, some help from anyone who is interested would be really appreciated 😊) Plus we also have the infamous "At least you got a Hot costar...I agree... oh I thought you meant Sebastian Stan. This is awkward" moment and the "Moobs? Is that what you call them? I don't know but I feel like you could drive a car on Chris' pecs or something (laughs and blushes)" moment from that same press tour. Chris with his massive build, bed-head look of messed up hair in red flannels and cozy sweaters plus Sebastian in the flimsiest translucent white shirt with a total twink! look accessorized by full red lips, peaking chest hair and silver rings. That was my first impression. (you can probably tell why I was captivated and remain so to this day)

What I love/like about the ship -

I love how the irl bond they share is so much different and beyond the typical bro- bashfulness, playful-competition kind of relationships we see developing between male co-stars all the time. The way Chris and Seb talk about eachother, behave around eachother has a certain gentle, earnest tone to it. Their mutual respect, sweetly cheering on the other, subtle caring and protective nature and (dare I say it) the emotional intimacy between them; it gives me all the feels.... Happy tingling sensations in my heart💓

another reason I love this ship so much is the fandom & all the amazing people involved in it. @musette22 @luninosity @ixalit @lethal-desires @paper-storm @darter-blue @wintersoldier1989 @hellobeautworld @kazablanka96 @kalee60 @loricameback @seb-stan-lover @trekchik @thebestpersonherelovesbucky @mybuckymybuddy these and many many other talented folks with their amazing creative content, arts and dedication keep this ship sailing with grace and make me fall in love with it even more with each passing day ❤️

How did my love for them start-

I have to admit, even though I was Intrigued by TFA press stuff, I wasn't a 'shipper' till I saw Captain America: The Winter Soldier. That movie truly is a masterpiece. It speaks volumes about the relationship between Steve and Bucky, their deep connection, how they are inseparable parts of eachother's life. One is left crippling without presence of the other. I truly do believe that the onscreen Stucky relationship was portrayed so well and in such a heart-achingly beautiful manner because of the off-screen Evanstan chemistry. That film marked the start of my fondness for both Evanstan & Stucky.

Favourite Moment-

I could make an argument for every evanstan moment actually 😅 but still if I have to choose one... I'll say (for purely selfish reasons) the Lobby Hero Premiere Night. I think at the time, we were almost fully convinced (and very sad) that there'll be no new Evanstan content from IW press tour.

But then Sebastian Stan, being 'Sebastian Stan', did the most Sebastian-Stan-Thing-Possible 😅 he went to cheer on and support Chris with his first Broadway venture. A few marvel actors and Chris' friends went to see that play actually. But Seb was the only one who made it a point to attend the first show, the premiere night. Did the carpet and attended the after-party with Chris. I think it's pretty sweet he carefully remembered the premiere date, cleared his schedule and made time to be there. Plus we also got a rather close and intimate Evanstan hug+convo💞

And then in all the next comic con interviews he did, Seb was like..."Go see Lobby Hero. It's great! I loved it. If you go to New York in this time period, don't miss the chance to see Lobby Hero. Lobby Hero. Chris is great in it." I swear, it was the cutest thing ever ( remember when he kept promoting lobby hero even after it had ended 😅.)

Look at thier stance and smiles. They look like such proud boyfriends in all these pics . Theatre nerds♥

Would I rather...Hmmmm 😉

As tempting as the offer sounds, I'd rather see them marry eachother. Anytime. Each time. Everytime. Seriously. Man, It'd be such a dream come true moment if that actually happened. Evanstan wedding 💍💍 oh my god, you're giving me so many ideas...

(Plus I really don't want to be that person who comes between two soulmates, marvel's clearly done enough in that department for a whole lifetime 🙄)

Sorry I didn't mean to end such a beautiful trip down the memory lane on a bitter note 🙃 Here's one of my favourite Evanstan gifs to make it better...

Close and Intimate hugs. Burrying head in the crook of his neck and that hand caressing the back of head, fingers running through his hair 😍

Isn't this what True Love is supposed to look like?

[sugar-petals]

BTS Tarot Reading ➝ What Kind Of Porn Do They Watch? (18+)

↳ NOTE - due to several requests, a steamy and detailed one. ☕️ we’re asking the cards about the erotica they fancy in a wider sense. 

warning ⚠️ 18+ // bdsm mentions, worship, kinks left and right. we’re going graphic in all types o’ ways, lads.

♡ DISCLAIMER // tarot is speculative, there is no guarantee for accuracy. believing in the cards is a choice. all portrayals are fictive and for entertainment purposes only.

SPREAD #1:

yoongi

⌈ THE WORLD ⇁ Jesus... Someone’s obsessed with girls in the nude. That card has a stark naked woman wrapped in very little satin on it so you know what our funky little guy is up to. Luscious aesthetic fotos might be just around his corner. Big duh, he’s a photography major. These folks are all about body appreciation. He’s also on a personal vendetta against lingerie 😂 Yoongi won’t get hard looking at even the most HD panty and bra ads. Only the skin in its full splendor will do, no editing. He loves pictures of nipples peaking through shirt fabric, it’s all over his phone. Yoongi likes his gals without underwear 24/7 just like he dislikes underwear himself. If we’re talking porn, the woman on the card is holding two very long rods so may I connect the dots: Threesomes, handjobs, blowbangs, spitroasting. Friction, friction, and more friction. To Yoongi’s brain, handjobs are a great um new version of holding hands. Sex standing up also, keeping it vertical. Yoongi doesn’t care about girth, inches count. Nice and elongated with a perfect plunge, something to hold onto. Yep, he’s pretty deliberate when searching that up. Yes, he loves the look of it. However, and you’ll be surprised: Even if he likes poly porn, it’s still nothing too extreme. This card is more about pleasure than pain. If a guy likes rough and degrading sex, you get swords and wands in his spread. THE WORLD is more about perfected skills and success. So, he likes the more accomplished porn stars. With a preference for curly blondes and redheads, that’s sort of the hair color on the card. Natural B or C cup. Medium height, not too curvy. Oversized booty not needed. In terms of nationality: We have three representative animals on the card. Eagle, lion and bull, plus a light blonde man’s head. So, anything that America/Germany/Albania/Mexico/Namibia (and so on, lot of countries with eagles as their national bird my dude), England, Spain and Scandinavia have to offer. Honey sugar is going international, baby.

hoseok

⌈ QUEEN OF WANDS ⇁ Did I just mention that guys who like rough sex in porn get wand cards in their readings in Yoongi’s segment? Well, there we have our candidate, with a very obvious card since it’s a court figure. Now, the thing is, this is not the guy being rough. The QUEEN OF WANDS is as notoriously femdom as can be. The very fiery and raw and fun version. So, with a degree of lightheartedness, but still being very fit — even buff — and hands-on with the sub. If you get the QUEEN OF SWORDS, that’s the more cool and calculated domme who signs you up for torture and humiliation, and she really looks like a domme. She’s all over the internet because she has the grit. Now wands combined with a tarot queen... it’s more about the stamina and she is approachable. Hobi does not like watching cruel girls, he likes challenging ones. Upbeat porn stars who can take a lot but most importantly dole it out assertively like pros are Hobi’s schtick. He’s unapologetic about that. With him it’s like, please not the local newcomers that turned legal a month ago. The queen cards are all about mature women. Mommy kink, hint hint. The kind of mommy who’s gonna whip out the spreader bar or cane (= wands again) and give a playful type of punishment. See how desert-like that imagery is, Hobi wants to sweat big time when he gets off to this. Now since wands also make for a damn good pole to dance on, go figure. This whole card has me wondering if, well alright, he is a Cardi B hard stan 😅 If Hobi blasts Money to get in the mood, I’d not be surprised. Anyway. Back to pole stuff: If you go through his youtube search history, you will find astounding things. I think he watches the more professional and athletic performers in competition though. High production value is key. Finally, an interesting card detail: There’s a sunflower on it. This is definitely his kind of tarot imagery.

jimin

⌈ KING OF COINS  ⇁ This card always looks like a scene from a medieval movie so you might have an erotic film enthusiast here. The more chaste type of genre, pentacles are very grounded and not hypersexualized. The intimacy is slow and more about security and pleasure. It’s graphic and detailed, but gives you a sense of relaxation. With a bit of romance in the plot, that might absolutely be Jimin’s thing. Castles and wine and nobility. Interesting type of erotica. Historical and classy. As expected of a prince, mind you. He might enjoy books of that genre also. And we know Jimin is an avid reader, right up there with Namjoon. Now, even with more risque and contemporary stuff that he googles up, we have similar dynamics going down on screen. With Hobi we had femdom because it’s a queen card, now with Jimin we get the classic male dom type of porn because that’s how the King usually rolls, unless it’s the KING OF CUPS who’s touchy-feely and subby. Meanwhile, the KING OF COINS is your local sugar daddy. Leaning towards being a soft dom, he’s not aggressive. And Jimin surely has a little crush on that concept. Ye know, if all the other members have female cards and Jimin gets the sugar daddy, we might be dealing with mxm action. Because if this card was a porn star, he’d be a really, really rich producer and a bear who’s done this since the frickin’ 90s. He’s treating his subs very gently and lets them sit on their lap, the imagery is sort of like that because the King is balancing a pentacle on his left thigh. Sex and comfort all in one are life for Jimin. A sexy detail I only noticed at a second glance, the King also has a shortened golden staff with him, which has a rounded tip. If that’s not a butt plug… whenever I see props like that in tarot, I interpret it as a sex toy. So, good vibes in here. And a bunch of aphrodisiacs, the KING OF COINS is a foodie. Which you know, might just be a food porn type of reference. Jimin’s taste in sexy things is quite something else.

jungkook

⌈ THE EMPRESS ⇁ If there’s one thing I like, it’s the Tarot giving me the important archetypes during readings of that kind. The Queens, the Kings, the Major arcana (see Yoongi’s and Jin’s segment). You can really draw a lot of hints out of it. Now with the EMPRESS you have a similar case to Hobi’s, just a lot more softcore. Jungkook has a refined and pretty vast taste in erotica, if not the most refined in Bangtan next to Jimin who likes that kind of dignified touch to it as well as we saw. Jungkook knows his stuff when it comes to searching things up, he is a first class netizen in that regard. In terms of genre: The EMPRESS is your highkey feminist and wholesomeness legend, so — you won’t find any super creepy things in some hidden file on his PC, and things by female producers instead. No slut-shaming or name-calling here, everyone gets their pleasure in their own right. Thanks to online sex ed, Jungkook has a map to the clit and he’s not afraid to use it. He’s the type to watch solo videos ad nauseam. He’s fascinated. Masturbation until it gets all messy with the juices flowing, and you bet he wants to see the girls buzzing themselves off lying on their back. Maybe even outdoors in a field. Cum play is a must, cunnilingus is a must, he loves unprotected sex and creampies, he loves breast massages. And yes. Anything that involves sex with pregnant and chubby women. Similar to Taehyung, it’s all about the focus on the girl, he doesn’t bother much with the guy performers. And given Yoongi’s reading on top of that, we have three members in BTS who are all about worshipping the female body right here, breasts over ass, and he likes blondes, too. The EMPRESS card is like… the entire porn industry who does the MILF and BBW genre is financed by Jeon Jungkook’s website subscriptions. Cue GOT7, with Jungkook it’s girls, girls, girls. The thirst is going strong, and he’s unashamed times ten, sex is sex. 

➝ we also have members who don’t really bother with erotica or have a complicated relationship with it.

SPREAD #2

taehyung

⌈  ACE OF WANDS reversed ⇁ He’s not about beating off until the world ends. Taehyung gets bored by porn or heated literature and doesn’t feel very motivated to search it up. He would rather come up with his own ideas to write but doesn’t have the energy. Sex drive: On hold, even if he tries to look something up it doesn’t feel very fulfilling to him. Most of it fails to turn him on, it’s not his kind of taste. He gets frustrated when he masturbates and would rather rest, dream, and doze. The only thing I can see him watch somewhat frequently — hold your horses — is lesbian porn. I’ll explain. The ACE OF WANDS is pretty much your most glaring handjob symbolism card. A hand gripping a stick. Yoongi’s THE WORLD card has very similar imagery, I mean even two wands and a girl, bisexual explosion much. He would be a big fan of the upright ACE OF WANDS card lmao! But the reversal is like, um no silly guys jerking off in here, pls. Keep your cum to yourself. That means: Zero dicks in Taehyung’s zone, girl-on-girl stuff is his very last resort for quality that he is desperate for but cannot find. And not the stuff where the producers just replace the guys with heavy arsenal sex toys, double-ended dildos, fucking machines, endless strap-on action without any clit stimulation on either side and whatnot. Taehyung is like ugh, cherie, why, give me the juicy stuff, give me the basics. What he wants is just pure scissoring, fingering, oral, little gentle bites, a lot of caresses and kisses. And slow, slow sex. Probably the amateur kind. He hates how brutal and exaggerated most things online are. Tae is looking for softness, a lot of lesbian action is what delivers in that regard so he takes all he gets. And it goes further than that, Taehyung knows the finest yuri recommendations, I’m telling you.

seokjin

⌈  THE STAR reverse ⇁ The opposite of Yoongi: not keeping it very naked in here. The upright card shows a nude woman pouring water from two cups. Hence a strong connection to the card of sexuality, TWO OF CUPS. Everything is very gentle and positive in that scenery. But then, the reversed card rather shows us that Jin doesn’t feel too thrilled watching other people film or write or photograph sex. Like in Tae’s case, he becomes bored, it’s all the same to him. Nothing’s ever new to him in porn. He feels negative and guilty rather than refreshed or entertained. He also doesn’t like a lot of kinks that very literally connect to, well, the pouring water. Squirting, cum play, watersports, sex in the pool or showers, lube overuse, creampies, bukkake, fake cum — Jin is rolling his eyes at that, he thinks it’s a circus. He’s surely given it a try, but ended up feeling worse and even more pent-up or dissatisfied. At best, you will find him on unknown websites looking for the most amateur videos there are. Because: THE STAR quite unequivocally hints at porn stars. If you reverse the card, it becomes someone not very well-known. He roots for the underdog. Accordingly, Jin’s reaction to mainstream videos goes this way: ‚Pipe down, you non-artists!’ 😆 Cause maybe, he does do it better aye, without the awkward angles anyway. He doesn’t want the body cult, like, put that airbrush and silicone out of my face bro. Not because he’s against surgery, but the idea behind sexual extremes and the shady high standards. It’s too polished for him to get turned on. And robotic/staged. Likely because he’s had an IRL sexual experience (gasp!) that set a different ideal to him, so the more glossy porn feels off. Home video has all he needs instead. I think it’s especially because you get so see more body hair there. The woman on the THE STAR card is all sleek, so the reversed card is the opposite, Jin wants that unshaved goodness.

namjoon

⌈ EIGHT OF CUPS ⇁ Now you’d think — and I thought, kinda — we’d get the master of erotica right here. And he’s had one hell of a reputation for that. Think of the ever-infamous Yaman TV interview where BTS were super upfront and revealing about their taste and what they watch privately. With especially Namjoon having the lion’s share. But this card says otherwise if his current state is concerned. The EIGHT OF CUPS shows a man wandering off into the night, leaving eight cups behind him. I think what that means is, he’s moved on. Namjoon’s cravings aren’t as strong as they used to be, nor does he have the time. He knows it won’t fix his loneliness or answer the questions of life. He might be on the search for different things to fulfill him, or ignore much of his hormones in favor for his career. Not that he didn’t dabble in it, he sure did, but that chapter is slowly closing and what’s next he doesn’t really know yet. He thinks about family and being a father, so the smaller and more risque pleasures become less significant. Desire, too. Ye olde soul syndrome is kicking in. The card is also centered around introspection, a quest for self, all these higher topics that aren’t the most grounded and don’t leave much space for being horny. Joon is simply to preoccupied and on the move. He sees porn as a distraction from his real self at this point, and he’s not the type to feel satiated after masturbating to something, similar to Jin and Taehyung. Instead, I think he carries that energy elsewhere, hence the wanderer going from A to B onto a mountain. In short, Namjoon naturally grew out of it by becoming more, well: Namjoon. He’s left a lot behind, he’s choosing self-development over temporary fun, and he will ponder a lot on the topic, the hows and whys and whats more often than not. So, he’s passed the baton to Yoongi and Jungkook if you will, and keeps a low profile as of now. 

tarot mlist | ko-fi

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for anon:

[isshuns]

the progression of things - discarded scenes

this is a dump post for scenes that were in the original draft, but never made it to final version of the fic. they bear no connection to the final version of "the progression of things”, but i liked them enough that i couldn’t bear just deleting these scenes (TPOT underwent a lot of editing and rewrites) ;_; they were part of the original premise where I wrote Miyano as ace/demisexual, but in the end it didn’t work out ;_;

click on the “read more” link if you’d like to read them, but take note, they’re were part of the rough draft, hence are extremely unpolished. 

Miyano remembers being fifteen, his school bag heavy on his shoulders, but his heart heavier in his chest. Every day he looks at the mirror in his bathroom and wonders why he was cursed with such feminine features, a smaller build than the rest of the boys in his school; everything on his face seemed wrong as though nature forgot to switch its genetic code back to “MASCULINE, MALE” when constructing his face.

He couldn’t blame his parents, they never had any say in what he’d look like when he was born, and his mother would be heartbroken to hear that her son, bearing such resemblance to her looks, actually hated his own.

But as slightly estranged as he was from his middle school classmates when his looks came up as a topic of conversation, Miyano still heard Things whispered amongst his peers, seen Things even, when his classmates included him in their weekly get-together to ogle at printed materials meant for a demographic way beyond their age.

In the flush of youth, where the boys in his class pondered over their body anatomy, fascinated with nature, and looked to adult magazines (stolen from their older sibling’s stash) for enjoyment, Miyano pondered over the harsh reality of his feminine features, upset but resigned with nature, and looked to fashion magazines (taken with permission from his mother’s collection) for pointers on how Not to appear even more like a girl.

(His father’s copies of Business Weekly helped a little too, even if only to remind Miyano how top businessmen in the country dressed for a business photoshoot with the press – suit, tie and expensive watch peeking from the cuffs.)

When the passage of time came and went and Miyano entered high school, he discovered the world of Boys Love manga and dedicated his free time to understanding the intricacies of this fascinating genre. Being a minor, the type of print he could obtain were fairly sweet and innocent, nothing too explicit save for some scenes that took place on a bed, the protagonists’ modesty preserved with a flimsily drawn blanket over their nude bodies.

Occasionally, a book or two with explicit content would make their way to his collection. The internet was also a place full of wonders and possibility, and once or twice Miyano would (secretly) look up the famous series promised with rave reviews, but somehow, Porn Without Plot never really stuck to his repertoire.

Even after becoming of age, Miyano still finds himself gravitating towards the safety that comes with the PG-13 books. There is a strange sort of comfort in consuming fiction that depicts love as something simple and uncomplicated, straightforward and representation that love– intimacy did not necessarily come hand in hand with sexual acts. Intimacy could exist with or without sexual acts and vice versa, whatever floats your boat, really.

For Miyano, it was always the build up leading to that ultimate confession scene (at the rooftop, under the cherry blossom tree by the school yard, the back of the school gym, endless options) that grabbed him by the feels and punted him into the sun. That’s where the highlight is!! He once told Sasaki, unable to hold back on his excitement that twinkled in his eyes.

And identifying all the event flags leading up to that very moment of their first kiss? Unparalleled. Truly the best of all scenes there is. Peak romance. The bedroom scenes (few and rare in his possession) are really just a bonus.

So, while his peers continued to chat about going through the motions in bed, the closest miyano could ever try to relate to during those conversations was the intimacy that came along with the idea of sexual intercourse.

-------------------------------------

The moment Miyano is done with the last of his midterms and bids his notes goodbye (for now), Sasaki magically appears beside him and whisks him away to the nearby izakaya for a celebratory dinner.

“For getting through the first midterm week of your life~” His giant baby boyfriend coos, ever so sweet like the cakes he bakes.

Miyano pretends to be exasperated, shoulders dramatically slumping over the sticky izakaya table, but his heart knows better. It’s been one month since he’s started college (the one Sasaki also so happens to attend, not a coincidence at all), and the privilege of having more time to spend with one another makes Miyano giddy with happiness.

Gone are the days Miyano can only meet his favourite senpai for a handful of hours after club activities until the reality of their courseload slaps them in the face; gone are the days they have to rely on telephone calls and text messages, where the minutes and seconds flashing across the screen serve as an unforgiving reminder of the time they have left before they have to part ways.

It’s all gone now. Sasaki sits before him, in the flesh, and Miyano has always felt that seeing Sasaki’s smile in person would always be different from seeing it on screen. The grainy pixels on his phone can never do those handsome features justice, nor can it the warmth blooming behind his breastbone whenever Sasaki threads their fingers together and walks him all the way back to his dorm.

The freshmen all share a common dormitory block separate from the rest of the college students, something about building connections and getting to know each other better, so Sasaki insists on walking Miyano back to his room before he makes the trek all the way back to his own. The night is young, the dorms are peacefully quiet, and everyone is probably still out in town having a good time.

---------------------------

Loathe as he is to do so, Miyano makes the executive decision to drop by the bookstore one afternoon to try and consult a few adult BL manga. It’s the worst idea he could ever come up with, he hates comparing his own relationship to silly BL manga tropes, but nothing short of an apocalypse would push him to ask the people around him whether it’s normal to… not think about sex in a romantic relationship. While the internet is a wondrous place full of answers and possibilities, Miyano figures it probably wouldn’t hurt to take a peek at how society tackles his questions through the lens of BL manga.

Hurriedly, just before his date with Sasaki, he randomly picks up one of the highly rated R-18 series, heads over to the payment counter quickly, and bolts out of the store the moment the cashier bags his purchases. He makes sure to stuff the damned volumes deep beneath his bag, out of sight, before he heads over to the café to meet Sasaki for lunch.

And when he’s finally back in his own dorm later that night, his roommate blissfully unaware and asleep, Miyano retrieves the book from his bag, cautiously peels away the plastic wrap before he settles down for the night to take notes.

His efforts are all for naught. Halfway through the series – one Junjou Romantica –, it takes Miyano all but 3 volumes before he calls it quits and and promptly closes the book. Guess there’s no way he can redeem his money now, unless Sasaki is into dubcon…? Well, that’s a thought for future Miyano to ponder on. Current Miyano just wants to sleep and wash the images out of his mind with bleach.

-------------------------------

he has no care for sex, but nothing compares to the tender happiness that comes along with partaking in something sasaki enjoys and yearns for. sasaki’s language of love has always been touch and spending time partaking in activities of common interest.

today, sasaki has picked a soothing lo-fi playlist as their background music. they’re seated on the bed, warmly nestled against each other as they browse through their respective manga

his eyes may be on inked pages, but his heart is long gone. he discreetly observes his boyfriend, the curve of his jaw, long lashes almost curling against the high of his cheekbones as his honey-gold eyes flit across pages and pages of content.

the fingers flipping through each page is steady, long, and miyano suddenly wonders how it would feel to have them splayed across his body, touching him in places his own hands have never ventured before.

“what’s wrong, myaa-chan?” sasaki smiles at him, eyes impossibly fond and kind.

well, fuck it, there’s no going back now.

“senpai, what do you think… about… BL with explicit content?”

sasaki blinks. miyano tampers down the urge to kiss those parted lips.

“you mean books with sex scenes in them?”

“yeah.”

“oh.” sasaki turns away, the hand that’s not rested on miyano’s shoulder has found a place on top of sasaki’s mouth. he’s embarrassed, miyano realizes, and somehow that makes him feel ten times more endearing than usual.

sensing that this was a topic his boyfriend wasn’t going to let go any time soon, sasaki clears his throat and returns miyano’s gaze head on.

“i’m fine with it. why do you ask?”

“i… well.” while miyano struggles for words, sasaki hand starts moving up and down his arm, soothing him.

“are you starting to read rated manga? it’s normal, at least, ogasawara’s girlfriend says so. so there’s no need to be shy, myaa-chan! if you want to recommend any, you know I’ll read anything you lend me. no judgment here.”

it should have been reassuring, but the thought that ogasawara’s girlfriend discussed with sasaki about explicit BL manga like it’s the fucking weather has miyano choking on his spit. what the actual fuck.

do people actually talk about these things? is miyano the abnormal one instead for never entertaining the thought of doing things with his significant other?! has he been missing out on some code of relationship couples ought to follow?! the BL mangas he read never said so!

“myaa-chan? are you okay?”

“you- you talk with ogasawara senpai about these things?”

sasaki’s cheeks colour a lovely shade of red. from his looks, he’s starting to catch up with where miyano wants the conversation to go. that’s a relief, because miyano honestly doesn’t know how to tactfully broach the topic without sounding like a dumb dumb about these things.

“yeah, i do.” sasaki admits, “but only once or twice, because ogasawara needed to vent about things. sorry, does that weird you out? i can stop. i don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.”

“no, no, it’s fine. totally fine, senpai.” it must be a common boys topic that somehow eluded miyano and friends during high school. at this point, miyano’s face must be burning with the hot flames of embarrassment and shame, he’s pretty sure sasaki’s fingers can feel the heat all the way from where they are, stroking his cheek absently.

“what brought this on, if you don’t mind me asking?” sasaki asks a moment later, when the weight of silence in the room gets a little too much to bear.

“just… some friends talking about it the other day.”

“friends.”

“yeah… fine, classmates.”

“are you… thinking about it?”

at miyano’s surprised expression, sasaki backtracks immediately.

“forget i asked.”

“to be honest, i don’t know what to feel about it.”

“it’s okay, we don’t have to do what you don’t want to do.”

it’s so painfully awkward yet endearing at the same time.

“do you think about it, senpai? about us… doing those things?”

sasaki’s lack of an answer is extremely telling. the shade of red coloring his cheeks is probably bright enough to rival miyano’s own face.

“does it matter? i am happy with doing whatever myaa-chan wants to do.” sasaki finally says, but his eyes have shied away from miyano’s gaze, and something within miyano snaps.

“of course it matters. it’s you, sasaki-senpai. i want you to be happy too. i want to do things that you want to do too.”

something akin to hope blooms across sasaki’s eyes (surprisingly moist).

“thank you, myaa-chan. that thought alone makes me happy enough. let’s leave it here for now and let things progress as they naturally would, how about that? we don’t need to rush into anything. i’m really happy with where we are now.”

he knows that sasaki has caught on to his sexual orientation, no doubt. it’s been a year since he became of age, and yet the BL manga he still buys have never ventured into the explicit genre. briefly, he wonders if sasaki actually keeps his own stash of porn somewhere below his bed, like normal boys would do.

they aren’t in high school anymore. it’s been years, and yet until this point, the thought of doing something more than kissing and cuddling has never crossed miyano’s mind. he wants to cry at how respectful his boyfriend has been all this while.

“myaa-chan? myaa-chan? oh no, yoshikazu, don’t cry. i’m sorry if i said something wrong-”

oh fuck.

miyano has always been uncomfortable with displays of affection and attention, preferring to bask in the comforting arms of his daydreams and fantasies, but his love for sasaki burns greater and he will do anything he can to ensure that sasaki receives equal, if not more, affection and care than the amount his boyfriend showers him in.

scene ends with sasaki hugging miyano tightly, reassuring him and planting a kiss at the side of miyano’s temple. but it does nothing to seep away the frustration gnawing at his bones.

END

[horrorslashergirl]

Hunter meeting Hunter

A Xaviera Lah-Mo and Andrei Kulokova Story Chapter 4

Authors Note: God, I love writing for these two so so much. It’s like writing the scrpt of a woman for the big screen. So many things going on in this chapter; pasts are reavealed little by little, feelings get stronger and things get angstier as we read the journey of a wolf and snow leopard.

Xaviera Lah-Mo belongs to me

Andrei Kulokova belongs to @the-slasher-files​

Warning: 18+ because there is murder, death and gore, plus some teasing between our animals. Just a heads up. 

Words: 5.2k (Seriously, it was supposed to be shorter, but oh well....Time sure flies when you write)

Chapter 1 HERE

Chapter 2 HERE

Chapter 3 HERE

Xaviera was hugging the pillow to her chest, her usual ice-cold eyes always calculating everything, now a calm warm blue, gazing at the Russian, millions of thoughts crossing her mind after what happened between them; the strong smell of sweat and sex still persisting in the room.

She nibbled on her bottom lip nervously, feeling so small next to the behemoth of a man next to her in bed; that surge of protection overcoming her from his part. A soft sigh left her lips as one of Andrei's hands ran down her soft naked shoulder, his other hand lightening a cigarette. His gaze was forward, blowing a cloud of smoke, then his eyes drifted back over to her.

"So...How was your first time?" he asked, taking another drag of his cigarette.

"Everything you wanted it to be?" he pressed on, a drop of smug masculinity evident in his rough voice.

Xaviera didn't fantasize about what her first time would be like; she was always so erupted into her researches, hunting, and studies that the prospect of sharing such a deep and intimate act never crossed her mind, and if she did try to picture her first time, there was always a blank spot, just a shadow, because she had never met someone to reach her standards.

Call her vain, because she was a picky individual, but that's how it goes into the animal mating process too. Females don't just mate with any desperate male in a rut; some have to prove themselves worthy in brutal fights that lead to one male dying.

She remembers one time while in Himalaya how the yaks were fighting for the right to mate. It was like two tanks were smashing against each other, one which ended up with an almost fatal wound, and when he tried to get close to the female she turned her back to him. Not worthy.

Getting back to where she was, she hummed at the Russian's question, enjoying his touch on her sweat-covered skin.

"Mhmmm....Always pictured that my first time would be with a wolf. I guess I am more fond of feral beasts." she replied with a cheeky glint in her eyes.

Andrei gave a little huff of laughter at the cheeky side of her personality.

"Well, aren't you lucky." he commented with a smirk.

Her eyes drifted from his eyes to his cigarette. It's been so long since she smoked. The white-haired woman remembers how she used to smoke one pack of them during her time in college when she had tons of exams and finals.

After the small pause of silence between them, she noticed that he noticed that she was gazing at his cigarette. He took a drag and blow the smoke close to her face, the strong smell of tobacco filling her lungs, reminding her of the years in college, days and nights studying the creatures that she now lived close by, not close enough to kill her, but close enough to shot the poachers and for the predators to finish the job.

"Would you like one?" he asked with a raised eyebrow, making her ears perk up at his question and she nodded, taking one and lighting it up, taking a deep drag, her eyes closing as she exhaled smoke, her muscles relaxing more.

She sighed contently.

"Haven't smoked since college. Sleepless nights full of studying." she spoke, her eyes looking up at him, licking her lips nervously, feeling like a little school girl who got in bed with one of the last year's ones.

It was like a fresh breath of air like she was in the highest place of the mountains.

"Y'know you look hot with a cigarette hanging out of those soft lips..." he whispered, leaning in close to her face, blowing smoke directly at her and capturing it in a kiss, moaning into her mouth. She blushed at his comment and closed her eyes, savoring the foreign feeling, but it didn't last long for he pulled away, taking the cigarette from her hand and putting his down in the ashtray, only to finish hers.

"You shouldn't smoke...it's bad for you." he told her with a smile.

Her heart fluttered at his concern for her health. He was getting under her skin. She smiled in return and rubbed her nose on his own as animals do in affection.

"I know...That's why I gave up smoking after college." she told Andrei, looking up at him from under her eyelashes.

"You must have a good strong will then myshka." he spoke, putting down the cigarette in the ashtray.

One of his large hands rubbed her side while the other interlocked with her small hand, watching her with intensity. He pressed his lips to her forehead and closing his eyes.

Xaviera's lips twitched into a smile at his gentle side, something that really surprised her in such a good way, considering how much he had infuriated her.

"When you lived most of your life among creatures that could kill you in a matter of seconds, you have to be always careful. Never underestimate someone by appearance. That's what my father used to tell me..." she found herself telling him.

A vulnerable side was peaking from under the long hair locks, one of a little girl that was as vulnerable as thin ice; a little girl that the death of her parents was forever imprinted in the darkest corners of her mind; one of them which was devoured by hyenas.

Xaviera felt the Russian's grip on her tighten, holding her close and telling her it was alright. He was tense too.

He hummed, listening to her.

"A wise man." he whispered into her hair, and she felt the need to continue, the ice slowly cracking and she was afraid she would sink into the freezing water underneath.

Xaviera bite her lower lip, a bitter feeling forming in the back of her throat, but nodded at his words.

"Yes, he was. He always knew what to say and how to solve any problem...If it wasn't for him...I wouldn't have been here today." she tells Andrei, curling her body against his much bigger one, seeking protection and comfort in a silent way.

"My.....uh, my dad was killed when I was young boy, just leaving me, my uncle, sister and..." he begins to tell her, his breath hitching slightly.

"My mother.....but um...she was murdered when I was 12." he finishes, shifting a little, probably uncomfortable with being so open to her, but she couldn't blame him, she knew how hard it was to speak of the deceased loved ones.

He pulled her closer and she guessed he needed comfort as much as she needed it too.

The small woman had listened to each of his words and she noticed the anxiety dripping from his voice; no wonder he was like this, the things he must have gone through. Her hand rested on his chest, where his heart was. She felt something inside her crawl; maybe the feminine empathy?

She always had a soft spot for scarred beasts.

"She must have been a wonderful and beautiful woman......My mother....S-She was killed too....A-Along with my father." she began to tell him, voice cracking little by little along with the ice; she swallowed down and continued.

"My father was killed by poachers in a trip to Africa....Me and my mother run...B-But....She saved me....Giving her life. T-They killed her too.....She hid me into the hallow of a tree....A-And after they left her body.....T-The hyneas....T-They devoured her....They ripped her face apart." at this point she couldn't hold back the tears, the bitter taste too strong and the ice shattered underneath her, the cold water enveloping her body.

She clung to Andrei's form, letting the tears fall.

"I had to watch until she was a mess of flesh and bones." she choked on a sob, her face buried into his chest.

"I-I was so weak." she breathed out.

She felt his strong arms wrap around her, holding her in an instinctive form of protection.

"Sssssshh....little one...." he cooed, pulling back a little to look into her red eyes from crying, cupping her jaw, and wiping the tears away.

"It was never your fault...Beasts take and take from this world with greed, no mercy...and it is no one's fault." he tried to assure her and slowly she relaxed her, little by little she could feel her sobbing stop, all thanks to Andrei's soothing voice, something she would have never guessed she would love to hear, considering how the first day with him was.

Her gaze moved up to his face.

"That's why I hate most humans so much....Humans call animals beasts but they are the ones." she whispered, letting the last tears fall down her cheeks.

"Animals aren't greedy, vain... They do it to survive.... Humans are conducted by their avarice." she spoke, taking one of his big hands in both her tiny ones, bringing his hand to her lips, kissing his knuckles, then her eyes drifted to the big scars on her thigh.

"I got this one from a mother Grizzly. Me and my dad encountered the cubs first and because I was young and foolish... She attacked me..... My dad saved me, but the Grizzly left a souvenir." she spoke, looking from the claw marks to Andrei.

"I learned not to be afraid of the wild animals... But also respect them. Respect what can kill you." she whispered, nuzzling his hand as a cat would do to its owner.

She noticed his eyes widen at her story; probably a little shocked that a Grizzly got so close to her, but she guessed anyone would have the same reaction. The shocked look quickly disappeared from the Russian, taking his free large hand and bringing it to the scars, tracing the claw patterns like it was a canvas, a picture worth a thousand words, a story that could have had a tragic and brutal end.

She shivered at his touch, the gesture going to such a spiritual intimacy. He really was getting under her skin. His lips pressed again on her forehead.

"Well, thank you for respecting me." he laughed lightly, all the tension in the room vanished at his attempt at making a joke.

She snorted and rolled her blue eyes at his smug joke; again all high and mighty.

"Yes, yes. I respect you, all high and mighty Alpha Wolf." she cheekily told him, one of her fingers scratching under his chin playfully, as one would do to a dog. He was amused by her playful demenour.

"Just don't step on my tail, or I am gonna bite your precious jewels off." she whispered against his lips, her blue eyes glinting in a feline-like amusement.

His eyes went sharp again at this, smashing his lips on hers in a deep kiss, grinning at her surprised self.

"Go ahead and try it, precious kitten." he challenged her, rolling her small body on top of his, making Xaviera squeak, her legs tensing when she felt his hands on her hips until he brought them to her neck, her most sensitive part. She let out a soft mewl, the skin still sensitive from all the bite marks he left.

He took a deep breath and pulled her into another kiss. She felt herself blush at his actions and words, despite the fact that they fucked just a few minutes ago. He just managed to bring out the fire in her.

She kissed him back as he did, her small hands moving to touch his bigger ones that were rested on her neck.

"I love it when you touch my neck." she whispered into the kiss, her thumbs stroking his knuckles.

She saw his jaw tense and internally she smirked, knowing that he was affected by her as much as she was by him. His grip on her neck tightened, not enough to choke her, but enough for her pulse to pick up in anticipation and her breath to hitch.

"Be careful with those sweet words baby girl." he whispered back.

This was a reminder that this wasn't a company dog.... He was a feral wolf. An apex predator, who could easily crush her tiny neck under rough, large hands.

"You know... You are the only one who has ever touched my neck and survived." she warned, looking down at him, cheeks dusted by a furious blush from their position.

He raised an eyebrow at her word, his signature smirk coming back on his face, canines on display.

"There is still time, darling." he laughed, appreciating her wild side and also amused by it.

Before she knew it, she was underneath the beast of a man, kissing her again only to leave her a breathless mess as he pulled away.

"Well, thank you for letting me live.... for now." he gave her a smug smirk, getting up from the bed and marching downstairs.

After he left, she didn't realized she was holding her breath, touching her neck and feeling the bitemarks, something inside her purring.... Like a Snow Leopard who just got mated.

Xaviera groaned at that thought. The Russian was going to be her weakness, although sometimes she really wanted to kick his ass in the snow for being such a knucklehead..... A very handsome and wild and passionate and big....

She huffed, burring her face into the pillow.

God, she was turning into a sappy mess.

She was pulled from her lovestruck thoughts by the rough voice, a tint of softness there.

"Everything alright?" Andrei asked, coming back to the bedroom with two mugs of hot tea, putting her mug down, and getting into bed with his own mug, his free hand running down her shoulder.

The Snow Leopard tensed at his touch and the feline felt an uncontrollable blush creeping up her neck and cheeks, looking at him. She felt like a little girl with a crush.

"Y-Yes.... E-Everything is alright... Just....Thinking." she replied, trying to avoid his gaze at the end, bitting on her lower lip.

The Russian just sipped on his tea, watching the snowfall out the windows, then he smirked.

Xaviera took the cup of tea, sipping on the delicious aroma and the warmness, then she almost choked on his following words.

"Thinking.... about me?" he asked, looking at her amused.

"Don't be shy...I'm beginning to know that beautiful blush well, baby girl."

He was reading her like an open book. Coughing, she looked at him, not able to control her blush.

"I-It's not like that! I mean... You were amazing and I loved every second of it... it's just.... I never shared.... a moment like this." she spoke, looking down at the cup of tea in her lap.

She saw from the corner of her eyes, him smiling.

"I'm just teasing, myshka, it was a joke..." he spoke, hooking two large fingers under her chin, her eyes on his.

"But I was right." he huffed, only for her to glare at him, the blush still present.

"Still a knucklehead... Don't make me throw your ass in the snow." she told him, taking a sip of her own tea to hide her smile.

Andrei put his tea down on the nightstand, his fingers moving along her jaw sweetly.

"And still a fierce kitten." his fingers moved up her jaw, only to lace within her white hair and kiss her again.

She closed her eyes as he kissed her, her tongue running along his bottom lip only to shyly start sucking on it. Her eyes opened, looking into his own, challenging him slightly. His sharp eyes looked into her.

"Well, you learn fast." he grinned, licking his canines, the hand in her hair tightening into a fist, making her gasp, only for the wolf to take the opportunity and show his tongue inside in a sloppy kiss, making her moan. Her heart fluttered at his words. She felt his hand take the cup of tea from her hand, setting in on the nightstand on her side and she found her back flush against the mattress with him on top of her.

She jumped a little when he bites her lip, hard enough to draw a little blood, then he pulled away, moving down to kiss her jaw and neck.  She moved her head back, exposing more of her neck in submission.

"T-That's not fair.... Y-You know my sensitive spots... A-And I don't know yours." she breathed out in a shuttering voice.

She felt him grin against her neck, his k9's brushing against her bruises that he created.

"A predator never just tells you their weak spot..." with that he pulled away and she felt herself sink in the mattress at the way he was gazing down at her.

"You of all people should know that, darling."

Xaviera's breath hitched and she blushed at the Russian's words, feeling embarrassed. She let her guard down in front of the big bad wolf and now he had her in his jaws.

"I-I...." she was at a loss of words, something that very rarely happened to the white-haired female.

He moved his large hand through her long white hair, resting his forehead against her, just like animals show affection, something she was used from the furry feral beasts, but not from humans.

"Sssshh...little mouse... I will not hurt you." he softly spoke.

God, she felt herself melt at his touch and the way he spoke, her eyes looking up at him like a deer caught in by the big bad wolf. One of her hands moved to stroke his knuckles gently.

"I-It's alright... You know... When I was in Africa I watched as Leopards mate. The males always bite the nape of the females. Not to kill her, but to assert dominance. I suppose that goes for humans too?" she told him in a quiet voice, biting on her lower lip.

He grinned down at her, humming at her words.

"You are mine." placing his hand on the side of her neck, he kissed her deeply, a gasp leaving her when he started grinding against her, but only for a short time, because he rolled off, pulling her closer to him.

"All yours, Wolfy. All yours.... Considering half my neck is blue and purple." she said with a smile, blue eyes shining in pride as her hand touched the bitemarks.

"What a cute little thing." he kissed her forehead.

Xaviera's eyes moved along his chest, where the big scar was and she wondered how he got it, but she knew, he was just like her, not wanting to be pressured in telling.

"Little with enough venom to kill 100 men." she replied with a devilish glint in her eyes, her lips pressing against his big scar, feeling him tense.

"It's time for sleep myshka...." he leaned down, brushing his lips against hers.

"Unless you want to go again?" he grinned, licking his canines.

Xaviera chuckled quietly at his impressive stamina, her lips brushing his canines.

"As much as I would love to get frisky with the big bad wolf.... I have to rest. The blizzard will stop tomorrow morning and I will have to go...hunting." she whispered, her hand brushing against his chest up and down, only for him to roughly grab her wrist.

"You might want to stop doing that then... or else I'm not taking your excuses." he warned her, his other hand moving to her scar on her thigh, just resting it there.

Xaviera knew he was like a bomb ready to combust any moment so she let him win this time.

"Got it, knucklehead." she huffed, rolling her eyes, and she couldn't stop smiling.

She pressed a kiss under his chin.

"Good night, Wolfy." she whispered, leaning her head against his chest, her eyes closing as he continued to brush his hand across her scar.

"Good night, kitten." he whispered, sleep enveloping her.

========================================

It was like she had an internal clock, because as soon as it was early morning and the snowing stopped, her eyes slowly opened looking out the window. Her eyes drifted from the outside scenario to the man in bed with her. It was the first time she saw him sleep and he looked so peaceful.

Slowly, with feline-like stealth, she moved from the bed and out of the bedroom, her eyes on him the entire time, until she was out of the room and downstairs, starting to dress up, putting on her white and cream winter coat, the white fur on the hood so soft, it always kept her warm.

Getting all her weapons; the venomous small arrows, the sniper rifle and her mountain backpack on she moved towards the exit. She knew it was probably bad to leave, but she preferred to go on huntings solo.

Exiting the cottage, she stalked towards the path, her gaze moving to her map in hand, already starting to calculate distance, route. It took her two hours to reach the destination. The poachers were going to arrive in half an hour if she calculated everything right, which she always did. Setting her backpack down, she opened it, getting out a wire of spikes, similar to the ones cops use to stop vehicles.

She planted it right in front of the path that the poachers will drive by, masking it in snow, then moving into an isolated spot, basking herself in the whiteness of nature, sniper rifle in hand, and just waiting, exactly like a predator.

Her ears instantly perked up as she heard the sound of the engine in the distance, muscles tightening in anticipation as she was the truck get closer, knowing what was inside. She licked her lips as they approached.

20 seconds....

Her finger hovered over the trigger of her sniper rifle, waiting.

10 seconds....

She knew that she had to be quick in her moves; no hesitation.

5 seconds....

Her pupils dilated like that of a snow leopard, ready for the kill.

The sounds of tires exploding meet her ears, looking through the lens of the sniper; eyes on the passager door as it opened, one man exiting the vehicle, only to fall down as the bullet hit him right in the neck, blood starting to coat the white snow underneath him.

First one dead. Two more to go. Another man exited the vehicle with a shotgun in hand, looking for her. She smirked, knowing he will never be able to spot her; it was like searching for a crystal sugar in the snow. She pressed the trigger, aiming for his heart, his body falling next to the other dead poacher.

Now the driver. She was itching to kill the last one, but he was hesitant to get out.

'Come on, little shit. Come to mama.'

He did peek his head out the window. Big mistake; it was enough for Xaviera to shot him straight in the middle of his forehead. She grinned, then moved from her hiding spot, marching towards the back of the vehicle, a big door with a locker. Setting her backpack down, she got the bolt cutter, getting the lock on the metal door off.

Her hands tugged on the handle, the sound of metal against metal echoing in the forest as the small woman opened the door; a set of four white paws meeting the snow.

It was a snow leopard, shaking his white and grey thick fur, happy to be free. Xaviera smiled as the animal runoff, disappearing into the covered snow forest like a ghost.

The moment of calmness and pride was quickly taken away when Xaviera felt immense pain shooting through her scalp as someone yanked her head back, her eyes widening as the person behind her smashed her head against the side of the truck, only to throw her on the ground.

"So, you are the Mountain Ghost I've been hearing about. I thought it was going to be someone...bigger." the voice was unfamiliar and her vision was blurry.

She tried to get up, only to feel a kick at her ribs, making her stumble, choking on her breath. How could there be another one? She had stalked and observed them for such a long time, calculating everything by numbers and seconds.

"You think you can just go around and steal our prizes?" the man spat, his foot coming to press harshly against her ankle, making her scream.

She was ready to get her venomous darts from her small bag inside her winter jacket, only to have her face pressed in the snow.

"Keep your venom to yourself." the man spoke in her ear, then turned her around, snatching the darts and throwing them so she couldn't reach the weapons.

This was bad, so bad. She wasn't built for close contact combat, especially when it came to life or death. Like a cheetah, she was fast but sadly lacked the strength.

Xaviera could feel blood dripping down from her temple, her hands trying to scratch him, pierce his eyes, anything so she could get away from under him and run. A fist to her eye was all that the man needed to make the fierce feline, drop her hands.

"Keep your claws to yourself, bitch!" the man yelled, looking over her, then smirked.

"You made me lose that Snow Leopard. Someone paid huge cash for its fur." he spoke, making Xaviera glare at him despite the position she was in.

"But....I know what you might be useful for." the way he said that made Xaviera's stomach twist in such an unpleasant way that she wanted to throw up and when she felt his hands on her thighs, she felt tears form at the corner of her eyes.

She was ready to scream, but the weight on top of her disappeared, the sound of fighting meeting her ears. Her blue eyes opened, looking up at the sky. Her gaze moved to the ground and she felt her breath hitch at the scenario before her.

It was Andrei. He saved her. That made the horrible feeling she had before disappear, relieved that he was here. It was obvious that the Russian had the upper hand, much bigger than the poacher and certainly more experienced by the combat skills he put on a demonstration on the other male.

A sickening crunch meets the woman's ears as Andrei delivered a straight punch on the man's nose, blood coating half of his face. It was like watching two male animals fighting for territory, and Xaviera saw plenty of brutal fights between males for territory, food, and the right to mate. She knew that these types of fights ended up with someone dead.

In one swift movement, the Russian grabbing the handle of his knife, taking the blade out of its holster, and stabbing the poacher right in his tight, twisting the blade inside. The scream echoed through the forest and all Xaviera could do was to watch as Andrei took the knife out, blood splashing on the snow as the man dropped down, not dead yet.

Big large hands wrapped around the wounded man's neck, as tight as possible, and the woman watched as the Russian strangled the poacher, his arms trying to inflict pain on Andrei, but it was all useless, the winner already decided the moment the knife impaled in his thigh.

The poachers' arms dropped down, breathing stopped and he was dead. Xaviera sighed relieved, only for her to freeze as his gaze slowly moved to her form.

His eyes, the usual icy blue were almost black, pupils blown wide and lips pulled into a snarl, canines on display, exactly like a very dangerous wolf. Xaviera had encountered this look many times in her life on animals, but never on humans. She swallowed down, knowing not to make harsh or fast moves, it might trigger him and God knows what will happen.

Running would be the most foolish thing to do, so she just sat there in the snow, making herself as invisible as possible.

After what seemed like forever, he turned his predatory gaze from her to the dead poacher and Xaviera watched as he dragged the corpse into the forest, disappearing.

She couldn't believe what she just saw. Slowly, she got up, groaning a little as she stumbled, catching herself on the side of the truck. Her ankle wasn't broken, but it stung a bit. With a sigh, she began to walk towards her cottage, getting her sniper rifle, arrows and backpack first.

At the time she reached the cottage, it was close darkening. She left her weapons down, then quickly started the fire; it was freezing inside. She watched as the flames took form, rubbing her cold hands in front of the fireplace.

Getting her jacket off after it was warm inside, the rest of her clothes followed to get clean and warm ones. She pulled on a big black shirt and she groaned as she felt blood drip down the side of her face.

She got her first aid-kit, starting to treat her wounds. They were nothing serious, but it sure wasn't good to leave them like this. She hissed as she cleaned the wound on her temple, glad that she wouldn't need to be stitched. Looking in the mirror, she noticed how under her felt eye blue and purple color started to form.

She was glad that the poacher hadn't broken her ribs, that's the last thing she needed in times like this.

She cursed under her breath, feeling so stupid that she was so reckless. It almost costed her life, but she was glad that the snow leopard was free; at last, she achieved the goal of the mission. She wondered where Andrei was. He still hadn't come and it was almost midnight.

Xaviera knew he was a hard knucklehead and could take care of himself, but not with wild animals with 5 inches of canines and jaws that can crush bones.

The white-haired woman closed her eyes as she felt the heat of the flames lick her naked legs, wrapping her arms around herself only to smell a faint tint of tobacco. Blue eyes looked down at herself and she blushed.

She must have gotten one of the Russian's shirts in her dizzy haste to change clothes. Getting up from the couch, she was ready to pull it off, only for the loud bang on the front entrance door to meet her ears.

The woman looked in said direction, feeling a gust of very cold wind brush her bare legs, making her shiver slightly.

"Andrei?" Xaviera asked, ready to take a step forward, only to freeze like a deer in the headlights at the man in the doorway.

Scarlet blood dripped down his arms and hands, eyes looking like that of a primal beast ready to tear flesh and muscles with his canines. A deep and scary growl meet her ears and she swallowed down, feeling her heartbeat in her throat.

She had seen something like this before, only......It was an animal, a big black wolf. It was during a trip in the forest at night and she saw the scene. The black animals' jaws around the deer's neck, ripping the artery and throat off.

Xaviera couldn't help, but the first time she truly felt like prey; the one that is being hunted down.

CLIFFHANGER.......

[myrrheart]

RICHARD WAS GAY, CAMILLA WASN’T MEANT TO DESERVE BETTER, CHANGE MY MIND: THE DISSERTATION

Hi. I finished The Secret History in October. Here’s the radioactive take I’ve been sitting on for two months.

In keeping and facilitating any discussion of representation (or lackthereof) in The Secret History, it's important to note that Donna intentionally wrote it to closely mimick the upper echelons of elite collegiate academia within the United States: an overtly white, heterosexual, and wealthy pocket of young adults attempting to parade as and/or speak on behalf of those who aren't.

[spoilers under the cut]

That being said, an all-white lead cast is not only appropriate but necessary, as it allows the reader to familiarize themselves with the intimacies of a setting and social crowd made previously foreign, either by circumstance or the deliberate smoke-and-screen thrown up by academic elitists in order to shield their near-archaic world and ensuing social norms from the broader, less-white, less-straight, less- wealthy public. All this is to say: The Secret History is written entirely from the first-person limited perspective of a straight white cis male and therein lies the social commentary. Richard, although to his begrudging credit as having been arguably one of the most moral characters in the entire novel, is still at fault for falling prey to The Mortifying Ordeal of Being A Man. He stays silent in the wake of Bunny's flagrantly homophobic, racist, sexist, and antisemitic tirades -- even when the brunt of this is revealed to Richard on their first evening out together. He regards Judy as simple-minded and coked-out and calls upon her only when it benefits him or furthers the plot arch in which he himself is almost too aware that he stars. He thumbs through the catalogue of women at parties like they're kitchen appliances, and when he's confronted on a notable occasion that he's stolen someone else's, he matter-of-factly evades responsibility, blame, and the kitchen itself. And, most notably, Camilla. For a novel so cleverly crafted from nuance and innuendo, a cliche like love at first sight seems almost insincere. And you'd be right in that assumption. Caustic, anxious, pessimistic, emotionally-detached Richard has no business pining after Camilla the moment he lays eyes on her -- especially not after allocating a measly half-paragraph to her physical appearance upon first glance. And ESPECIALLY not when the prior page was near entirely dedicated to Mr. Abernathy (but we'll get to this). If you really pay attention... All Richard ever comes to appreciate about Camilla is her outward makeup -- specifically the clot of honey-colored hair at her temples that he references several times. The closest he ever comes to introspection and empathy is when he laments over how "difficult" it must be to exist in a "boy's club." (DIRECT quotes.) When Camilla shows up at his bedroom door and reaches out to him about the sexual, emotional, and physical abuse she's endured at the hands of her brother, his gut instinct is to doubt her. When she shows him the evidence, it's anger. When she refuses to move back in with him at his insistence, it's to kick her out back onto the campus where Charles is scouring after her. Richard regards Camilla as little more than something pretty to look at, and the only reason he's attracted to her and values her beyond the likes of the Judy Pooveys of Bennington is because Camilla is in the classics program; Camilla recites ancient Greek in perfect memory; Camilla wears Tweed and comes from money and embodies the peak of the class struggle that Richard has been traumatized by since birth -- and she's neatly packaged into a petite fair-haired girl his age, just to top it all off. There is a reason why Camilla is the main character we know least about. We aren't meant to care. We are Richard, and Richard doesn't care. He wants and lusts and yearns after what she is -- not who she is. To him, she embodies everything he is supposed to want in life: wealth, intellect, status -- all things he's been shown to chase after to near ridiculous lengths. It almost wouldn't matter if she wasn't even a girl ooOH WAIT CUT THE MUSIC [record scratch] [freeze frame] Let's introduce Francis! Out of the Murder Gang, Francis is the one Richard spends the most time devoted to describing, most memorably on that very first day he catalogued them all walking across the lawn. And not only is Richard most preoccupied by him -- of all the things Francis possesses (good style, great taste in fashion, a dry, bland sort of humor that compliments Richards own brand near perfectly) Richard is obsessed with Francis's homosexuality. Richard is so hyperfixated on Francis's homosexuality that he vividly remembers the day , time, and place of when he'd rejected Francis's infinisemal advances, and then mulls over it for months in detail and is able to bring it forth at at the drop of a hat when faced with the HINT of another advancement from Francis. For an unreliable narrator, Richard sure is able to recall gay panic. In staggering detail. Richard is SO hyperfixated on Francis that upon receiving his suicide note, he BOOKS A FLIGHT ACROSS THE COUNTRY IMMEDIATELY. After having held no serious, steady contact with him after they'd committed a murder together. Richard not only drops everything to fly from CA to NY overnight, he also bears witness to Francis's (basically) arranged marriage and immediately following the blatant explanation and display of Francis's family's homophobia, ASKS CAMILLA TO MARRY HIM. In a last-ditch effort to save face, to bury his homosexual urges that have resurfaced after years of self-inflicted suppression, to convince himself that if Francis can stomach it (albeit barely) then so can he -- all of these interpretations are left up to the reader. One thing is for certain, though: his spontaneous proposal to Camilla comes right off the tail end of his visiting Francis in-person for the last time in the novel. Perhaps the reader expects there to be a revelation or a sudden spark of insight into Camilla's character which we have never before gleaned -- but there isn’t. And if that isn't a direct confirmation of Camilla's role not as a character, but as a plot device, then I would politely redirect your attention to how even her denial of Richard is soft-spoken, gentle, and ultimately kind; what woman do you know would save that kind of otherworldly grace for a man who'd repeatedly scorned her, advanced on her without her consent, and asked her to marry him in the middle of a crowded train station? Camilla is the male fantasy and the physical representation of what Richard should want for himself. Francis (along with Literally Every Other Male Character His Age In This Novel) represent a call to something darker, something taboo, something ultimately detrimental; Cloke and his drugs; Charles and his drinking; Henry and his penchant for murder (and sociopathy and control issues and... Yeah);  Bunny and his lying; Francis and his... It's not so much that Francis is the sole symbol of sin and indulgence to Richard: it's that Francis is the only one remotely attainable, because Francis is the only one that would feasibly sleep with him, because Francis is a homosexual and... is that why Richard spends paragraphs upon pages upon chapters mulling over Francis's sex life? Is that why 'homosexual' is one of the first things we learn about Francis? Is that why Richard doesn't even do a good job at convincing himself, let alone the reader, that he doesn't want to hook up with Francis -- a handful of lines before they get as far as second (and arguably third) base? In conclusion: the alternative title of The Secret History should be whatever the ancient Greek equivalent is of the colloquialism "no homo." But the Greeks sure did love their gays, didn't they...? :-)

[wolfpawn]

I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 171

Chapter Summary - Tom and Danielle have an amorous morning after a very amorous night only to receive a scolding from Luke and a worried phone call from Sarah. Smut to start the chapter. 

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long.  This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously.

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog @jessibelle-nerdy-mum @nonsensicalobsessions @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1 @winterisakiller @fairlightswiftly @salempoe @wolfsmom1 @black-ninja-blade

Tom clenched his teeth together, trying to stave off his orgasm just a little longer, but he failed. Danielle's body just felt too good around his and a moment later, his hot breath panting against her neck and shoulder, he groaned gutturally as he filled her, his hips stilling as his body begged to be as deep-seated in her as possible. He wanted to relax after his exertion but all he could think of was Danielle not getting to feel as he had, so he gently pulled himself out of her and brought his hand to her now seed-filled core, his fingers quickly continuing what he had startled.

He focused not only on her pleasure but on her face, the blissful look as she bit her lower lip and arched her back as she came closer to her peak. When she began to shudder slightly, he intensified his efforts, her fingers gripping his arm as she gasped.

“Come on, Darling.” He encouraged. “I can see you're nearly there.”

“Tom.” Her voice was almost pleading. When he stroked her expertly, long having learnt her more sensitive spots, she clenched her eyes shut, her bottom lip at risk of being punctured and fell over the edge of her pleasure. He continued his ministration into she pulled him to her, kissing him passionately as she panted slightly. “I fucking love you.” She smiled.

Tom chuckled against her lips. “I fucking love you too.” he pulled back slightly and lay to the side, rubbing his hand not covered in their combined releases through his hair. “Twice in less than twelve hours, not bad for a man my age.”

Danielle laughed in response. “Because you're practically geriatric, aren't you?” She groaned slightly. “I don't know what hurts more, my muscles from that it or my head.”

Tom had to agree. “Why did you allow me to drink so much?”

“You're a fully grown man, I'm not going to dictate what you can and can't do. Have some personal accountability. Besides, I was in no fit state to tell you what to do, I was fairly drunk too.” She rubbed her temples. “How angry is Luke?” She asked worriedly.

Tom checked his phone, sure enough, there was a message, or several, from Luke. He scanned through them. “I've made him madder in the past. Long story short, we're bold and he's not paid enough to deal with me.”

Danielle turned over and got comfortable again. “I've maintained that since the beginning.”

“He asked what size jeans are you, he will have some clothes sent over for us so we don't embarrass ourselves wearing our clothes from last night.”

“Can't we just get a cab from the back entrance?” Danielle suggested. “I can't believe we ended up getting a room in the hotel, I mean really; we live about four miles from here. You and whiskey are a terrible combination.”

Tom laughed, thinking of his amorous attention to her the night before. “Not helped in any manner by your choice of dress, or underwear, or the fact you were giving me that look all night.”

“And what look are your referring to, dare I ask?” Danielle scoffed.

“The ‘I’d rather see you without that suit on’, look.”

“Do you think that's what I was thinking? What makes you so sure? What's not to say I wasn't thinking 'Why is he wearing that ugly fucking suit, I can't believe I am being embarrassed like this’?” she asked with a grin.

“Because I know that look when you find me sexy.” He leant over her again, kissing her. “You know you found me sexy. And I know you did because you were staring at my ass and when you started on the whiskey, your hand was on it as much as mine were in yours.”

Danielle could only concede it was true. “We were worse than two horny teenagers.” She recalled Luke pulling Tom aside and all but throwing a keycard at him. A moment later, a pleased-looking Tom went to retrieve her and with the quickest of goodbyes to Luke, who was partially ushering them out the door of the function room the party was being hosted in, and they headed to the room they were now in the same building, having had fun the night before, somewhat tipsy to drunk, neither truly thinking of anything bar the fact they were both feeling incredibly amorous, and again not ten minutes ago. “I may regret nothing.” She leant up and kissed him again. “Tom…”

“I am not able that quickly, sadly.”

Danielle huffed a small laugh. “Actually, I was going to ask you if Luke got a deal with breakfast too or are we going to have to pay extra for that.” Tom laughed into her lips. “I am starving.”

“Full English?”

“Extra toast. And tea, loads of tea.”

“I will order that, you get a shower.” Tom kissed her again, only this time, nipping her lower lip slightly as he did.

“Am I that bad?”

“No, I just do not want to be stuck trying to force myself from this bed. Check-out is twelve and it is getting close to ten, so if we don’t get going soon, we’ll have no breakfast, be annoying the staff and at more risk of being seen.”

Danielle sighed. “Sadly, that is true. Hopefully, my food will be here when I get out. I have money in my purse, tip the waiter or waitress that brings our food.”

Tom nodded, grateful that she had brought her purse because the cab driver would need to be paid too. He watched her go into the bathroom, very much focusing on her naked ass as she went and thanking whatever grace had given him the woman he loved so much before he looked at his phone again and apologised to Luke once more for the night before and thanked him for his idea, stating playfully that at least it was his fiancée, and not some random fling, something Luke always feared would get his clients, male and female, bad reputations. Tom chuckled at the “small mercies” reply Luke gave him.

He called for room service and gave their orders, and waited for it, grateful that though they had been liberal with their drinking the night before, they had not gone too far. His head was slightly hazy and his stomach was somewhat off, but he had been through far worse. He knew of more than one occasion where the idea of intimacy the next morning was not even remotely possible, then again, he never felt as he did with Danielle. No other woman had him think of the distant future with them like this, marriage, family, all of that, he had thought of it, but not with the anxious excitement of what would come like Danielle did. The idea of marrying her being a mere six months away, it excited him no end. Six months seemed like nothing. The six months since he had asked her had flown by, now they were halfway through the year they had decided to hold the engagement for and he could not wait.

The beep of his phone made him think Luke had something more to say, so he checked the screen. He could only see a few words and frowned before unlocking it and ringing his sister back. “Sarah?”

“Is Danielle there?”

“What’s going on?”

“Is Danielle there?” His older sister repeated.

“She’s in the shower, what happened?”

“Mum fell and hurt her wrist, I am trying to tell her she needs to go to the hospital to get it checked, but she’s ignoring me. She did it last night and I swear, Tom, it’s swollen and purple now and I really think she needs to go and she is being stubborn. I sent a picture to Elle to see what she would say but she didn’t reply.”

“She’ll be another minute or so. The shower is off now.”

“Fuck me!” Came an exclamation from the bathroom.

“I think she got your picture.” Tom looked around to notice that indeed, Danielle’s phone was missing. She exited the bathroom with a haphazardly strewn towel over herself. “Yep, she saw it.”

“Is that Sarah?” Danielle did not even wait for Tom to do anything more than a nod, she grabbed the phone off him and placed it to her ear. “Sarah, she needs to get to the hospital now.”

“I said that.”

“Tell her if she doesn’t go willingly, I will ring the damn ambulance myself and I swear, I will delay this wedding a year minimum if she argues.”

Tom leant back slightly, startled by the ferocity in his fiancée’s voice, but also worried about her threat to his mother. “Hey!”

She put her hand over the microphone. “We’d get married secretly elsewhere without her knowing, we just wouldn’t have the big day.” She promised.

Satisfied, Tom nodded slightly. “She’s serious, Sarah.” He called out.

“Now, Mum. Did you hear that? Danielle will hold a wedding strike…..she’s getting her coat.”

“Good, we need a few hours before we can head. We were drinking last night. Once it is safe for us to get on the road, we’ll head your way. Get her to keep her hand straight and don’t let her have any meds.”

“Is it bad?” Sarah asked worriedly.

“I don’t know, I don’t have an x-ray or a degree in medicine but when I worked the ambulance, that would definitely be a potential fracture, if not a very nasty break.”

“Mum, only you could do this, I swear. Yakov, Mum broke her wrist.” There was silence for a moment before Sarah spoke again, but it was clear she was not speaking into the phone. “Yeah, well Danielle thinks she could have and I trust her more than Google, so…we are going. We’ll be back later….I don’t know, they will be here tonight apparently.” Her voice came through the receiver side of the phone again clearly. “We’ll keep you posted. Let us know when you are on the road.”

“We will.” Danielle promised. A moment later, there was a knock on the floor. She handed the phone to Tom who rushed to the bathroom and put on her dress quickly from the night before, hoping the room was not too obvious as to their going’s on not too long ago. She gave the waitress a ten-pound tip and a polite smile, taking the tray off her at the door and thanking her, closing the door swiftly after.

She placed the tray on the bed and organised everything. A few minutes later, a slightly peaky looking Tom came out of the bathroom. “I am not going to be able to drive today. I am too old for this.”

Danielle handed him a mug of coffee, which he took immediately. “I think it will be at least six before I can trust myself behind a wheel, I’ll eat, hydrate and allow what alcohol is in my system to start processing, then I’ll see. We’ll see how things go. You’re Mam is going to be there ‘til late, so we will keep an eye on things. If it is broken, she’s in overnight.” She indicated to the food. “Eat up, we forgot the dogs haven’t been out the bathroom or anything.”

Fear filled Tom as he realised she was right. He walked over and began to eat, hoping the dogs would be able to hold it. “Cab?”

“When we are ready to go, they’ll have one in seconds in this part of town.” Danielle urged.

[lookismismylife]

Night Time Pleasures [Stalker!Peter Parker X Reader] - Ch.2

[Summary: Having broke up with your boyfriend due to the lack of dedication he put into your relationship and also because he cheated on you, Peter decides to give you what you want, secretly, of course.]

Previous Chapter

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You stared at the screen of your phone, the sounds coming out of the speaker indicating that you were watching porn. You rubbed your lower region as you watched the scene of the male aggressively pounding the female who would moan over dramatically. You tried ignoring the lady but she sounded like a whale and it was irritating you. Turning the video off, you released a frustrated sigh before sorting yourself out.

Ever since you broke up with your boyfriend, your sexual frustration had increased each day that you were even tempted to hire an escort but the thought of doing so was too embarrassing.

"She needs someone." Peter muttered as he observed your actions through the scene.

Knowing you had to attend college tommorow, you gave up by snuggling into your blanket and shutting your eyes. Peter waited and waited until you had fallen asleep before he snuck out of his room through the window. Checking to see if anyone was in the area, he confirmed it was empty as he went up to your window. You had left it open slightly to let in some fresh air as you slept which the male was honestly thankful for otherwise he would have had to come the difficult way. That was coming through the front with the extra key you hid at the top of the apartment door frame.

Peter quietly approached your peaceful form, trying not to step on any creaky boards in the process and soon stopped by your bed, observing your beauty. His heart thumped wildly as he reached for your blanket. Removing it was troublesome since you had wrapped yourself with it but he managed to uncover your legs only.

What was he supposed to do now?

Peter had always fantasised many scenarios with you but now that it was becoming a reality, his mind couldn't comprehend it.

Deciding to kneel on the bed, his weight brought the mattress down and you stirred making his heart stutter in fright. You moved on to your back, your legs stretching out in the process. Peter checked if you were asleep, soon releasing the breath he held in. With shaky hands, he parted your legs and took in the sight of your underwear. He traced his fingers across your smooth skin and bit his lip to hold back a moan. In his eyes, you were a goddess and no one could tell him otherwise. Leaning forward, he moved the fabric of your underwear and pressed his thumb against your clit. Your body twitched causing him to retreat his hand in a startled fashion before he did it once more. Moving his thumb in a circular motion, your body reacted on it's own, clearly enjoying what he was doing to you. He loved how you were reacting but he wanted more.

He wanted a taste of you.

Pressing his hands to your thighs to part your legs further, the male opened your folds with two fingers and swiped his tongue across making a small sound leave your lips. His hands lightly squeezed your thighs at the same time he flicked his tongue over your clit, sucking it harshly a few times. The taste of your sweet juices plus the lewd sounds that were created made Peter's lower region grow hard. When he saw your eyebrows scrunch up, he knew you were reaching your peak. He fastened his pace and your body trembled as the pleasure took over. A moan left your lips and you unconsciously gripped on the bed sheets.

Peter noticed how you were beginning to wake up and his eyes widened. He quickly sorted your clothes out, throwing the blanket over your legs before he speeded out the window. He stumbled into his own room and took a deep breath, his fingers quivering due to the fear that coursed through his physique. He soon went towards his laptop where he saw you, get up and try to figure out what had occurred. His worries washed away with relief replacing its place.

Shortly, a smile painted his face before it changed into a grin while his eyes glistened with pure bliss.

When the next day came, Peter was quite the opposite since he didn't realise how difficult it was going to be to face you. A horrible blush covered his cheeks and he averted his eyes elsewhere. You had both stepped out of your own apartments and as you greeted Peter, he had given you this reaction making you blink in confusion. You thought you had sorted the problem between you two so why was he acting like this again.

"Are you ok?" You questioned in concern and stepped closer but he plastered a fake smile and nodded his head.

"I-I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

He wanted to scold himself for how he was acting while you were hesitating to speak up once more.

"I was going to get something to eat... Do you want to...come with me?" you asked with hesitation.

Peter pursed his lips before sending you a nod causing you to direct a thankful smile his way. As you led the way, you noticed he was keeping a distance between both causing a sigh.

"Peter." You called and he looked up in a startled way.

"Y-Yeah?"

You turned to face him and it was then he noticed the dejected expression on your face.

"Where did we go wrong?"

Peter was stunned. What was he going to say? How was he going to explain himself? He had to think of some excuse. Think, think!

"We were fine in high school but as soon as we moved to college and I met my ex-" You cut yourself off as it struck you at that moment.

You glanced over to him and Peter felt his heart stop.

"Was it him? Did he say anything to you?" You stepped closer and took his hands in yours as you spoke in a soft tone.

"Y-Yes!" He answered immediately and a bit too loudly causing him to cringe soon after.

"He told me to stay away from you because he didn't like me and thought I was a freak." He explained and noticed how you became angry.

"He needs to apologise to you."

Peter panicked as you turned away, intending on heading straight to your college to confront your ex. He quickly grabbed your hand, stopping you in your place. Shaking his head as you looked back at him, he feigned a small smile.

"Be the better person." He quoted your words and you bit your lip in a guilty fashion.

You both stood there in silence, Peter hoping you would end this scene and thankfully you did with a hug. You brought him close and wrapped your arms around his broad frame. It took a moment for the flustered male to return it but as he did so, he couldn't help but relax, his hold around you tightening. He took in your scent by burying his face into your clothes and closing his eyes. You didn't notice the intimacy behind the hug and smiled into his shoulder as you rubbed his back in comfort.

"Let's hope things will be different now between us, Peter."

Peter opened his eyes as a dark shade of emotions coated his coloured orbs.

"I'm sure it will be."

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Taglist - @jazparker05 @paleetrassh @patodoto @hae-bee @fav-fan-fic @astromilku @babyhollands @thesolarfairy

[thecloserkin]

"Under the Pendulum Sun" was written as a response to Lucille and the whole insufficiently deep dive of angsty incest in Crimson Peak.

i have two responses to this:

1) YAS KWEEN

2) source??

ok in fairness to Guillermo del Toro i don’t think doing a deep dive into the psychology of incest was his intent, or he wouldn’t have shot the film so stubbornly from Edith’s POV with so few tantalizing glimpses of the inner workings of Thomas and Lucille’s minds. HOWEVER i do think that Under the Pendulum Sun is responding to a tradition of 19th century literature where a wellborn woman’s most intimate male relationship was by necessity with her brother(s) (since the sexes were so segregated, the only occasion you’d have to become acquainted with a man of your same social station would be like....at a dinner party or a dance, and how much intimacy do such occasions foster?). One of the callbacks in the naming of the characters in Pendulum Sun (you already brought up Laon in your other ask, which comes from a Shelley poem about incest) is Helstone. Helstone is the name of the parsonage where the protagonist of Elizabeth Gaskell’s North and South grew up--and that protagonist, like Cathy Helstone, is also the daughter of a clergyman. North and South is still a decently popular book, and the 2004 BBC miniseries starring Richard Armitage has a cult following, so i don’t need to proselytize on its behalf or anything. While I think the TV adaptation is one of the best adaptations of anything to ever grace the screen, i have to regret that it minimizes the relationship between Margaret, the protagonist, and her brother Frederick who is for most of the novel away at sea. He was in the Navy, he’s been wrongfully accused of some dark misdeed and now he can’t set foot in England for fear of being executed for treason. Margaret is absolutely tireless on Frederick’s behalf, consulting lawyers and hunting up witnesses to testify on his behalf. And the central impediment to a Romantic Resolution between Margaret and her love interest is, get this, he sees her. Hugging Frederick. At the train station. And of course the family’s kept Frederick’s presence a secret--the only reason he risked coming home at all is because their mother is dying--and Margaret can’t explain herself to her Love Interest without betraying her brother’s secret!!! So this guy sees Margaret ALONE in the arms of a smart looking fellow and draws the obvious conclusion--it’s her beau. But it’s a actually her brother aghhhhhh the angst. And despite this whole contrived scenario being designed to deepen Margaret and Mr. Thorne’s mISuNDeRstAndiNG in a very Pride&Prejudice way, it still says a lot about how deep Margaret’s loyalty to her brother runs that she doesn’t even think about coming clean to Mr. Thorne about why she was really at that train station. At one point Mr. Thorne’s mother shows up at Margaret’s house to remonstrate with her about being a fast woman lmao. Frederick eventually settles down in Span with a nice Spanish girl, and as late as the final three chapters of the novel we have people in Margaret’s orbit saying stuff like “i don’t think much of orphaned!Margaret going off to stay with that posh aunt of hers. Now if Frederick had come to claim her that would’ve been different” and “i wish you’d marry this Eminently Eligible Bachelor, Margaret! if i don’t get you settled here in England i’m afraid you’ll leave me and hare off to Spain.” These kind of comments tell you that even casual observers can see how deep the bond between Margaret and her brother runs. i’m not saying i ship it, precisely, but i do think TV as a medium undervalued a relationship that was for the most part offscreen,