#the potential of them being sick doesnt work for me

[animentality]

full random, pre-tadpoled durge gets sick (idk if that's even possible but let's play with our toys a little) after a night together. What would gortash, our favourite evil petty selfish but madly in love lordling, do?

you want me to say something really cute about gortash serving them breakfast in bed, but i know for a fact that if he had something he needed done the next morning, he'd absolutely kick their sick ass out of bed and make them do it, illness or not.

or he'd take advantage of their physical weakness, and get some free blowies out of it because he knows they're delirious and fever stricken and he's an opportunistic pervert at heart.

yeah.

[radioroxx]

I wish to know more about the Bonnie and Siffrin double looping au. Please. Destroy me emotionally.

HI SORRY this took a bit to answer lol

thought a bit for how to answer this because on one hand i could spill literally everything i have thought of for this au up to this point (which, while a lot, hasnt actually reached some of the Angstier segments yet. i have vague ideas for those but still workshoppin’ and all). but ahh. i will save some stuff for separate askers maybe lol. for now heres some random points of no particular connection:

- i screwed up a lil in the og post by calling it a bonnie. “joins” the loops au. it is definitely a, bonnie is there from the start, au. i considered for a bit making it more of likee… they start to remember post death to the king, but that wouldve placed em in act 4, and while thats interesting i felt like there wasnt as much to explore there. yknow? (plus. bonnie death to the king is still Very much going to happen in the au. soo)

- bonnie doesnt meet loop until a couple loops in! this was partially loops decision, about being worried to meet the party + how they would react, buuut siffrin is only so good at keeping secrets from people whos memory cant be wiped through time travel, bonne does learn about loop, and insists on meeting them. the timeline is a lil vague in my head, and this interaction i dont have compleeetely planned out? but know that it takes place around the back half of act 2, after first death to the king

- speaking of loop- bon has a pretty interesting dynamic with them too :) this is before bonnie and siffrin are able to have the Talk about his eye, and while looping back and forth together has brought them closer regardless, bon still holds a grudge against them! at least, slightly. that combined with the fact that theyre talking to some… celestial beast? sick as hell star creature?? that GLOWS? bonnie takes the loop pretty easily (this is aided by the fact that siffrin seems to trust them well enough. not completely, he is ofc still skeptical of loop throughout, but its enough that bonnie will trust them too). however, you could probably imagine bonnie is much less tolerable to loops… nonsense. more willing to bite back if they say something out of hand, and more likely to react Badly if they say something upsetting. (still 50/50 of whether or not bonnie would take loops side if they say something mean about siffrin tho lol. depends on the insult. and obviously loop would never,, say stuff like that to bon). iii could keep going about them this dynamic is very fun to me

- the friendquests go relatively the same, the only difference being that it is actually siffrins idea to set bonnie up with that big feast for everyone. !! teamwork! the training session for bonnie becomes a multiple-loops thing, letting them build up their skills over time. i think with the stress of the loops, trying to figure out what to do next now that they know killing the king doesnt work- the talk about the eye and that whole freakout takes a bit to actually get to. i have ideas about how that would go too, because it would be Different and mean something New, but…. that would be so long to put here……… just know that they. still promise to look out for each other. promise to let themselves be helped.

you may be looking me in the eyes at this point with deep frowns and wondering… Pluto….. what are all these happy silly ideas, you are missing out on so much angst potential here ?? and to that i say uuuuuuhhhhhmmm i have thought about it. and look. i dont think having bonnie- or anyone really- joining in on the loops would really solve or lessen siffrins shit mental state. but theres definitely also a layer there, on top of breaking the loops, on top of keeping everyone happy, on top of figuring it out and finding out about their country and the king etc etc- theres a priority in keeping this kid happy too! he will, and has, died dozens of times in these loops, and that sucks, and it sucks that poor bon has to remember it all, so the least they can do is. try to keep things lighthearted around them. Pretend to be hopeful for their sake. encourage them to try out new recipes on different loops to see what sticks with the family! let them run their own experiments in the loops! let bonnie join in fights with sadnesses once their training goes well enough!! do their best to at least have some fun, and some time to relax. sticking to the excuse that its all to make bonnie feel better, without realizing how much thats helping themself as well.

aaand that all sorta falls apart in act four. bonnie is killed- directly, painfully- by the king, and siffrin distances himself as he is so prone to, falls back into trying to get everything done himself because hes the one whos “responsable” for it…. ah you get the idea..

[youngpettyqueen]

I need to talk about Julian's whole thing with Sloan in Extreme Measures cause it does actually make me feel a certain kind of rabid

Extreme Measures is a great episode for the Julian/Miles dynamic and has a lot of great moments with them but I think an underrated element of the episode is how it very plainly shows just how much the Dominion War has changed Julian, and how his morals have shifted into a much greyer area

Julian in this episode is very callous towards Sloan even as he's literally dying. he has no issues violating Sloan's mind, and when Sloan dies, the only reason he actually cares is because the answers and secrets Sloan has will die with him. truly cannot emphasize enough just how deeply Julian fucking hates Sloan, and sheer hatred isnt something we really see all that much from Julian, especially not to the degree he was with Sloan

even with that, though, Julian has never been like that with another patient. Julian doesnt let his personal feelings get in the way of being a doctor, and always treats his patients with the utmost care and his best work. Julian was willing to find a cure for the Jem'Hadar's addiction, simply because they asked for help, even if it meant potentially making them into a much bigger threat than they already were. Julian treated Tain in Camp 371. and, sure, Julian does treat Sloan, but he does so explicitly because Sloan has information they need, not because he has any care for Sloan's life

and I think that- his willingness to violate Sloan's mind to get what they need, and how he didn't particularly care that Sloan died- is a really bleak look at just how much the war has changed Julian and how much it's shifted his moral compass. throughout the war, Julian has been ordered time and time again to compromise his morals. add to that several traumatic events- multiple of which are orchestrated by Sloan- and a slide into deep depression, and it's no wonder he gets to a point where he can do the things he does in this episode

and I dont think it hits him until much later. I think one day, long after the war has ended and theyre still rebuilding everything that was broken, Julian lays awake at night and remembers how bad it got and what he became willing to do, and it makes him sick to his stomach

[aquato-family-circus]

Interns & Teachers hcs best to worst

Morris obvs we know doesn't wanna trade his mentorship with Milla so they must get along well, or at least he thinks so! I think he really respects and admires her, and wants to impress her. Milla on her part is textually a very good teacher and caregiver so she probably has given Morris a lot to work with to grow and improve. Maybe Morris was even more of a rascal and trouble maker before we met him and Milla taught him to at least put that energy toward something productive. Like Pirate Radio!

I don't USUALLY like going to extra material for things I think are true but the art book says Adam is senior to the other interns which I think implies he actually has spent plenty of time with Truman, rather than the impression the game gives of "none at all hes in a coma, lol".

That being said I imagine their mentorship is on a very professional feeling level. they get along and maybe Truman even tries to be friendly and casual with the boy, but Adam is super focused on being a good student and working on his big historical project. After the mole incicent though maybe he loosens up! He nearly lost the chance to talk to his mentor ever again after all.

Gisu and Otto are super duper casual in contrast to Adam and Truman. Gisu skateboards into his lab, yells WHATS UP TEACH! Otto says something abt his latest project before throwing a wrench at Gisu who catches it mid sick skate flip because Otto just expects her to help with said project in exchange to credits + not having to do homework for a week. They barely talk outside of this bc the agreement is not spoken and just based on vibes and knowing winks.

After the games I think Lizzie swings back to Compton's and he gives her a stern look and a raised eyebrow like you didn't do my assignment? and Lizzies like dude I tried man. and she thinks shes gonna get a lecture but instead Compton's like I'm sorry about that, let's start over, and then they play chess and he wins 3 times in a row. He learns Lizzie likes "weird" and "ugly" animals like bugs and rats and he makes some new assignment about just observing them in the wild, maybe try to talk to them if she can! and reporting back to him. Lizzie still thinks thisis a bit lame but at least she doesnt have to set up a Goat Trap so its an improvement

Sam learns what Coach did at camp and she doesn't do anything actively malicious but she does give him horrible stink eye for like a week. afterwards they go back to getting along surprisingly well aside from all the times Sam says some shit that sounds oddly like a threat but it goes over Oleander's head like half the time.

If Adam and Truman are a good professional vibe, Norma and Hollis are a bit of a stinky professional vibe. Hollis obviously thinks shes a capable young girl, she did let her teach class while she was off meditating about bills. But Norma wants so much more than that and tries so so so hard to impress her even though she ALSO thinks her homework assignment is boring and childish. She goes to Hollis' office like I want a different assignment, with the unspoken want "do not treat her like a child". and Hollis is like oh ok do you want to learn some advanced techniques that come from reading this big dry book of theory as big as your head. and Norma is like well, no. and Hollis is like ok then do your assignment very neutrally and Norma leaves thinking SHE HATES ME!!! bc I think Norma probably has. bad responses to rejection.

Hopefully Norma improves over time though bc I think! I think Hollis could possibly see a lot of potential in her!! She might even see a girl who's impatient, prone to rash decisions, and wants to prove herself so badly, and see herself in her. which is something that's only just occured to me but i enjoy the idea a lot so thats where I'll end this.

[lisaas2418]

So what does the great 7 think of the overblot's parents? I can wait to see the Queen of Hearts using her iconic quote to Riddle's mom, Ursula and Queen Grimhilde being proud that Azul's and Vil's have great parents, Hades being confused on how his parents are like compare to what he imagine (before their debut, the fandom assume they are neglectful and not caring given they didnt appear in the flashback) that but male sense where the shroud brothers' personality, Jafar scolding Jamil's parents for lowering his potential, Maleficent feeling bad about his dead parent(s?) (Assume if you heard the theory about it), and not sure about Leona unless replace his parents with Farena. Leona doesn't talk much how his parents affected him other than his dad being sick.

Yeah the opinion on the parents are quite different 😅

(If some segments are short, don't come at me there is just not much I can write about)

Riddle's Mum

We havent fully se her sprite ingame, but I think as soon as sje appears everyone will go off on her. Amd I'm not only talking about the fandom. So as the Queen of Hearts heard about Riddles Mum, she went as red as the red roses in her garden. She demended on seeing his mum while loudly screaming "HOW DARE SHE TREATS HIM LIKE THAT?! IT WILL BE OFF WITH HER HEAD". Everyone had to calm her down, while Riddle explained that it would be very chaotic if a historical figure like her would suddendly appear in his home and that he already tries to change his mothers mind (although it doesnt really works).

If his Mum were to ever appear in the House of Mouse though she WILL be going off on her

Leona's Parent's

There is not much info regarding both of them, but I really doubt they are bad parents. They clearly were not the factor on Leonas mental state and werent judging him or telling he should be like his brother. As you said Farena is by Leonas saying sick and thus why his older brother is king. Leona never seemed to express hatred or dislike to his parents, so its easy to assume that he is alright about them. So Scar doesnt have much of a dislike to them, he is just glad that he has atleast somewhat decent parents (who didnt named their son Take which means trash)

Azul's Parent's

As far as we heard of them, his parents seem to be really great. Not only are they NOT the reason why Azul has problems but they are present in his life and being lovely to him. So yeah Ursula likes them a lot

Jamil's Parents

Ok well they are not really terrible but they do made Jamil always stay in the shadow of Kalim (often even though he was clearly better at some things) and it may just be me but I think they even hurted him?? Again not sure if this is correct so feel free to correct me. Jafar doesnt hold them in great regard since for one he himself had to always serve someone who is not really smart amd second they are just stalling his talents which is not a good thing for parents to do.

Yes Jafar is not a good person, but even he knows about it

Vil's father

We didnt saw much of him, but he supports Vil's goal and even said to him that he is fit to play the hero role in any movie. So yeah the evil queen thinks he is a good father

Idia's parents

They are a perfect example of "thinking someones terrible, but they turn out to be good" parents. It was really weird and good finding out that Idias and Orthos parents love both of them and that they are just not always there because of their jobs (which they didnt even asked for). The way they reassured Ortho that despite him beinh a humanoid robot of the "real" Ortho, they love him the same as they did with the other and consider him family. Hades was skeptical at first (as we all were) but he ends finding them great, because yeah he can relate on having a job he didnt even asked for

Malleu's parents

Not much can be said except they really loved him as he was an egg and that his mother was willing to die to protect him, and also Lilias parential love towards him being the reason he hatched is just so sweet. Maleficent feels empathy toward his parents but she also thinks Lilia did a great job at raising him (and Silver)

[tiktaalic]

Why are you (and others) so convinced that Neil Gaiman must be lying when he implies that he and Terry Pratchett always intended Azicrow to be canon in the potential second Good Omens book? I'm new to this fandom so don't know the backstory, but Gaiman has been writing gay characters (and nonbinary angels) since the '90s, and Pratchett according to fans is an ally. I've seen a few receipts (about Gaiman not "getting" slash) from the early oughts, but the South Downs cottage endgame comes from a conversation G&P had about the sequel in 2005 (see the story here: https://. thegoodomensdumpster. tumblr.com/ post/621209875504054272/.. where-the-south-downs-thing-comes-from). He seems credible but did he say something since then?

I mean. Even in the excerpt you sent there’s this.

people have asked him about the south downs, and scenes in the book, and any time he's asked he takes the chance to reiterate that it's Not Canon. this has been the line for 30 years. this was the line a month! before the show aired. i think it's true that the planned sequel was aziraphale and crowley focused. this makes sense to me. they were on book covers, they were people's favorites. i dont think this means hes been planning a romance since the 90s. prior to the show, the stances neil gaiman had, had repeatedly on record, and never strayed from were:

+ it's fine if you like azcrow i want you to continue to have fun with it if you like it, but it's not canon, it is strictly 100% fanon.

+ the sequel is about aziraphale and crowley

+ i am not comfortable making a season two because it would involve creating new content that terry would not have input on.

after season one aired, the stances were:

+ i intended azcrow as a love story. i always have.

+ season 2 coming july 2023!

+ the new seasons that i'm writing were something i discussed with terry decades ago.

which is simply. not true. either he spent 30 years lying. because. ??? or he has spent the years after season 1 garnered a lot of praise for having gay people in it lying. because it makes him look good, and because s2 (and 3) will make money. one of these options makes sense. one of them doesnt. like.

this was one MONTH before the show. if he for real always since nineteen ninety meant azcrow was in a relationship. why would he. a month before his show. say DONT get it twisted it's NOT a love life.

i also dont think its worth anything to compare representation in gomens to his other works, bc his other works are very very different. gomens is solidly pg13 lighthearted romp. and - as someone who has read a lot of neil gaiman's work, and liked a lot of neil gaiman's work, most of it errs to the side of i'm SICK. i'm TWISTED. im FUCKED UP and WEIRD. and. to be clear. i am not calling him homophobic. i am not doubting that he legitimately cares about gay people in his life. but i do think. he like many other men. were like. you know what'll take this fucked up weird story from a 10 to a 100. if there were GAY MEN in it. and to be doubly clear. i am speaking primarily about american gods, which is what i remember with most clarity. which is fine. its a fine thing to do. representation win the guy who writes weird horror adjacent sex scenes wrote one about men. (this is a gross oversimplification of sex scenes in american gods).

and again i well and truly do not blame the man for being like. um. actually i dont want the characters i based on me and my buddy to be in love or have sex in my lighthearted pg 13 story. i think this is a very normal stance to have! i would never fault someone for this stance! it's just. the lying. the people who are ragging on him are primarily composed, from what i can tell, of book fans who followed him pre show. because he was exceedingly consistent about his opinions pre show. again. if you followed him at any point! before the show you would see his opinions iterated then reiterated. if you followed him a MONTH! 30 DAYS! before the show you would see his pre show opinions. because he's expressed the exact same opinion dozens of times since 1990. and they quite literally only changed once it came out and people started praising him.

[virginmiri99]

Ok. I have a lot to say about this. I think it's been abundantly clear they have been struggling to keep the company afloat, but I also think its a double edged sword bv they bit off more than they could chew in the first place. I've had this opinion for a while but it really cemented since the beginning of Ghost Files. I enjoyed what Watcher was at the beginning, I think they put in good work with Puppet History and it still continues to be their standout show and had a fair amount of "low-budget" shows that filled out the edges like are you scared, too many spirits, top 5 beat down, even their dnd campaign. But as soon as Ghost Files started I began to notice a trend of... idk... bleeding money? Ghost Files was so high budget that I was bored. I get that Ryan wanted to breathe new life into a ghost hunting series but what made bfu so good wasn't the ghost evidence... it was his and Shane's friendship. That's why I liked all their small shows near the start of Watcher--it felt like friends. I think they just continued to go bigger and bigger with more things and more random interns and more shows that it just got to be too much which... led us here. I hate to say I haven't watched their videos in forever, and that ghost files bored me so bad I couldn't even finish some episodes... but thats what happened. I get them moving exclusively to patreon. We all need money. But I wish instead of that, they just focused their energy into their CLEARLY popular series. Puppet History was beyond good--their only series that I didn't mind random guests every episode, in fact it was made better by the random guests--mystery files had potential but came at a bad time, ghost files should've been way lower budgeted and focused on modern house calls TBH! I'm sick of old prisons!!!! And get rid of the fan evidence! Stupid! Also IDGAF about fancy gadgets! All you need is three things and let your humor carry the rest of it. Beyond the "big" series they could have their low budget ones like are you scared, too many spirits, top 5 beat down (the show that I hate random guests for), playing videos games idk man, and like one more or something who knows. But with what they dove headfirst into it doesnt shock me they fell into this hole.... I just wished they realized no one cares about the highest of high budget video series... they care about the dynamic between ryan and shane. Im sick of random ass people in their videos wheres steven lim do a video with steven lim why is he banished to do you taxes. wtf put him in top 5 beat down instead of these random ass random people. the drew gooden one was good though I dont mind actual famous funny people being guests.

anyway those are my thoughts. TLDR they bit off more than they could chew, loss sight of what made them so enthralling, and now are washed up youtubers... saddening

[peachjagiya]

https://www.tumblr.com/peachjagiya/751789107975520256/im-kinda-sick-of-waiting-around-to-find-out-if?source=share

Anon i feel the exact same way as you. I dont have a solution but i find it works best for me when i think of taekook as a fictional couple that i enjoy and love and that no one will ever be able to take away from me (i read and write fanfiction for one) and then the members as they are i take them as they are and what is presented to me. This excludes their private lives pretty heavily. In real life, though i want nothing more than for them to be ”real”, what i love about them is their bond. I dont go crazy with all the ”theories” that to me all seem like shippers choosing what they believe based on what aligns with their ship. And thats fine! But i cant delude myself like that. So what works best for me is: we will never know with absolute certainty what goes on behind the scenes. And thats how it should be. These are not our lives, its people who are actually strangers to us private lives. When taennie and paris happened, i obsessed over it, followed it compulsively. And eventually i was like. What the fuck am i doing? None of this, NONE OF THIS, has ANY impact on my life. I have nothing to do with it, and no agency in it because its got nothing to do with me. I cant control anything about it. Yes, I want taekook to be real, but at the end of the day, what does that matter to me? If i just want the relationship i can just daydream about it, them being real or not isnt actually going to make me any more part of it anyway (lol). Now i know that not just quitting them and instead staying with them could still be perpetating my problem but i hope i can continue to respect their private lifes. And i realize sending this to a theorizing shipping blog is kind of ironic, i do think theorizing is sort of inherently invasive (and rps in general so like myself included) but utlimately harmless as long as you stay respectful, they are public figures after all (please okay i mean no disrespect to you peachjagiya) So yeah, when that video with jk and the girl came out i was basically over it. My stance is that has nothing to do with me (and if its real i should not be able to see it and thats stalking and a gross invasion of privacy (same with the leaked taennie pics (although they are edited as hell))) so i do not have an opinion. I still love taekook. Are they real? A part of me is always going to believe that. But no, not that we know, and we can never know. But in any case, theyre real to me❤️ Hope this helps, if not then at least know youre not alone feeling this way (unless you dont wanna align yourself with my crazy lol), and i think some sort of distancing is healthy, not in a ”i dont care about them anymore” (like they mean so much to me, how could i ever do that), just another way of thinking about them. Yes its frustrating not to know but only if that knowledge matters to you. And maybe in the ways that matter (am i speaking in tongues rn) you’ll find it actually doesnt? All the love to anon and this blog 🦋💜

Some words for fed up anon and some ways of thinking about it. 💜

Just adding this second clarifying ask from anon:

No offence taken. I actually think a lot of what we talk about here isn't necessarily romantic. It's often in defence of their closeness in general because a lot of people seem to believe it simply doesn't exist. And in the course of denying their closeness, or minimising their importance to one another, there's a lot of anti-Tae sentiment, a lot of painting JK as something he's not, a lot of bending of ideas to fit weird narratives. That irritates me as a Tae/JK bias so I sometimes feel like I'm just battling that.

That's not to say we don't suggest romance. We definitely do. 😌 But you're right. You gotta protect yourself from potential upset or the weariness of never finding out by accepting that you're never operating at 100% certainty.

I don't think there's prizes for loyalty at the end. If they are a couple, there's no bragging rights if you never had a moment of doubt. JK and Tae aren't personally going to come to your house to congratulate you for never wavering. They are real people, not points to be had.

Sometimes we theorise and make jokes but hopefully it's a respectful vibe? I also hope people would let me know if the vibe got disrespectful.

Just because I'm worried how some people get:

Do I think they're a couple? Yes.

Will I continue to view them through that lens? Yes.

Am I putting my life savings and personal happiness on it? Absolutely definitely no.

Thanks anon 💜

Edit to add:

Taekook will stay cute! 🥰😘 😍

[ponuchuu]

Do you have any other Genshin OCs or is Niko your only one ?

oh lord what gate have you opened

but yes i do ! i have... so much that i barely use or even touched anymore help. ill show case you all whom they are and a brief of their story qjdnsjdj

First one is Ziyu ! My very first genshin oc and my baby, i actually still really like her a lot. if i were to remake her she'd be a dendro !! If she likes you, she'll steal your stuffs expecting u to go to her place so she can see you again, she dont know how to express affection ok leave her be-

Her story was that shes an orphanage from inazuma who was later transferred to liyue, hench her very inazuman outfit, shes a kleptomaniac thief who loves shiny objects and usually steal to take care of herself and her orphanage siblings until she was adopted by a jeweller that saw potential in her being able to find very rare and special gems and he treats her like his very own daughter but he later died due to old age and left his shop for her as his will, Ziyu managed to make the business booming tho because of her keen eyes for shiny rare materials.

Next is Flancre ! Pronounced "Flan-sir" and hes a nomad who just travels around region and just so happened to run into the traveler constantly.

His story is that he's severely sick and can only live so long, due to that he's mostly home but he barely get to rest as being the son of a well known fontaine designer put him in a spot where he has to work constantly and barely get to sleep. He escaped now tho but since he wanted to see the world before he died he decided to travel.

god seeing old art is gonna take a toll on me

Anyway, Covette !! a famous designer in Fontaine, well known for his rather intricate design that speaks emotion to those who wear them.

His story is... pretty long but in a tldr way is that he and his twin sister got into theater, sister died and he drowned himself in studying law to forget about it until he decided to continue his designing career to honor her.

This design goes hard af and i might use him as a normal oc too.

His name is Ebi, yes like the shrimp and since Inazuma doesnt have train (seriously why) he operates a ship and is a captain. He likes Fontaine's water a lot

His story is pretty simple, his mom used to be a captain but after having him she just... disappear, leaving him with her crew and her crew just decided to raise him themselves. Autism real hes rlly socially awkward.

THERE ARE MORE BUT I DONT THINK I KEEP THE ART SORRY AJDJSJDJ

[vyvesvi]

pd 101 japan picks & commentary (3)

preshow & ep 1

ep 2 - ep 5

ep 6 general commentary

this ep was kind of lowkey. not really sure how i feel about the team selection being entirely determined by rank - pretty sad that karen & momoka, amongst others, probably wont get to show their actual main abilities

the teams that performed were hero, shine a light, wa da da, & run run. ranking: run run > hero ≥ wa da da > shine a light. i don't really like the song choices (songs that already have choreo for a dance round, only one non-idol dance song, plus the singers/producers for that song helped arrange all of the vocal performances? makes me wonder if the final group will be getting a LAS song) but at least theyre all in japanese this time (for the vocal & rap groups at least)

run run: good performance but i have a few gripes. 1 - why was it worth more points? they said that the choreo was harder but the whole mission was for the girls to create choreo so... i dont actually expect that the trainees on these shows are doing all the arranging and writing and choreography themselves (much less on pd japan where virtually no one has a trainee background) but the whole set up of the mission kind of says the quiet part loud, you know? 2 - the distribution was a complete mess. loved joa as the center but the rest were basically backup dancers...for a choreo that theyre ostensibly creating themselves the difference in screentime between each person just doesnt make sense. and that was reflected in all of the ranks apart from yuuki & yurara i think. storyline: i found the koto/yuki storyline pretty meh. joa did actually do better than both of them so...? still, in another series this wouldve had a massive conflict edit & im glad pdj doesn't really do that. sad mitsuki & serina didn't get much screentime, i think mitsuki should've gone for antifragile actually, she needed to be on a team where the styling would've worked with her & allowed her to show more of a charming side on stage (friend that i watched LOVED her in cheer up, made me pause to figure out who the "gorgeous regina george lookalike" was.)

hero: ando yui is my daughter but i have to admit that she has a tendency towards shouting some notes. still, i feel like she has a ton of potential and im glad that she got to redeem herself after the audition. tsuzumi is basically in and she 100% knows it, so it's interesting to see how she's dealing with it. more than anyone else in the top it seems to really be impacting her, but she also seems to have a lot of close friends on the show who understand & are supporting her. to be honest, i usually don't like contestants like mayu but...idk. i see a lot in her but im not sure why. it seems like voters are starting to get serious so her rank has dropped a lot but i i'll miss her when she's eliminated. i hope there's some opportunity for her beyond the show.

wa da da: kind of sick that no one chose wa da da 😭 the stage was pretty messy in my opinion but mana did great, she's such a performer. personally ranka isnt one of my picks but i like her intensity a lot & she definitely deserved her rank. i don't think this is her moment exactly but i could see her being recruited somewhere after this. she would suit a kind of dramatic vibe. karen is interesting to me because while she doesn't dance well i found that she really fit the stage. i also love her attitude. there's no way she won't rise but im not sure that itll be enough. last and least,

shine a light: im a big jo1 fan but i knew this wasn't gonna go great from the outset. the energy of the original song is part of what makes it so good so the fact that they removed that.....i also think it's kind of notable that hina said that she didn't want it to be a ballad and was kind of steamrolled........anyways. we saw the performance. i've always said that i wanted hazuki to get more screentime & establish herself and this was her chance but...rip. from the second her voice cracked it was over for the whole team. every single person messed up except for hina. i know that this wasn't a super strong vocal group but it's so sad that they did the worse they've ever done on stage. i expect hina's rank to continue to rise, and hazuki in particular will fall (not because she was the worse but because she has the smallest fanbase & isnt insulated from mistakes like some of the top contestants). curious about what will happen with chiharu because honestly...no one really expected her to sing super well and she was gorgeous so. we'll see

member commentary

change is always possible but this is my stable top 4. rino & ran's teams weren't in this episode but it's a very good sign that rino still got screentime singing well & being a good leader. not thrilled that her rank dropped (14 → 17) and there are a lot of strong contenders in the early teens right now. in truth, i think some of them would be a much better fit for a spin off project (which have much higher success rates than the ones from korean produce) & rino would make more sense in top 11 but that's neither here nor there.

mana, as i said earlier did sooooo well in wadada, although im curious as to what she would've picked had she been given a real choice. im hoping her rank will rise - she didn't get a push in this ep but she was significantly more visible than a lot of her teammates so fingers crossed.

serina is just a good [potential] idol. i was surprised that she went for dance since her vocals are what i noticed first but she pulled off run run well. i wouldve picked shine a light or even antifragile for her though. unfortunately she got very little screentime & storyline but i'm sure run run will win so maybe that 20k will help maintain her spot.

standouts in this ep

not gonna break it down again but yeah. love the girlies love the vibes

other thoughts

call me crazy but im so so sure that these three will be recruited by lapone for a gg after the show. with the top 11 having skewing less cute im hoping that this becomes a reality bc these three fit eachother more than they fit momona/nano/ran/rin/etc. oda aruha (and maybe moro anon) would be here too but alas.

people i'd like to have seen in this ep

rin is riding a wave right now and she needs momentum to stay top 11. looking at the ranks now, kokona dropped 10 places (19 → 29) 🙃 rinon & ayano are fine, but i wanted to see them keep momentum as well. i like akiyama ema for some reason but to survive she desperately needs screentime and a good performance. I'm even more worried about tsukushi - her dropping from 18th to 31st after doing incredibly well is kind of insane. what i've said about tsukushi needing a storyline in the past still stands. i can already tell that her part in bijin will be great but with rinon & keiko im not sure what her screentime potential is.

ep 6 voting list

no surprises here, although im not sure what the voting has been reduced to? if it's only 5 i'd have to go with mana, rino, rin, serina, and then alternate kokona, yui, and mayu. i know that the "this person is safe so i wont vote for them" logic is flawed but i can't help it. good thing intl fans cant vote so this isn't a real concern! 🤪 /s

ep 6 semi-realistic top 11

only change is that i replaced kokona with joa. i have to say, im not thrilled about how many "givens" there are this season. it's not that i dislike them but it makes for a kind of boring top 11, at least until we get to 1 & 2 pick voting. rin was a nice surprise but i think the production has been pretty mask off about their picks. interestingly, i think it might bite them in the butt that momona & kokoro in particular don't actually get that much screentime. for people who are seeing them through the show for the first time (and also dont keep up with twitter discourse) probably feel that their ranks came out of nowhere. ran has gotten good screentime but she's definitely also buoyed by her original fanbase. miu, joa, & tsuzumi have good screentime & storylines so when joa goes up to top 11 i won't be surprised. rin had a good storyline so she makes sense. ayane doesn't get very much screentime but her voice does the brunt of the work. nano is a (capable) visual pick but she doesn't have a storyline. suzu has had a fanbase since the theme song but i expect her to fall a little honestly. we'll see. keiko is new to the top 11 this ep, i hope they reveal the actual ranks this time because that will influence my thoughts. keiko has great screentime and a litle bit of storyline so her rising makes sense. kokona is interesting to me because her rank is so stable based on not very much honestly. i don't dislike her but her lack of expressiveness on stage is probably something they'll try to build a storyline out of later.

i have a lot of confidence that rino will debut elsewhere after this but in the interest of creating a group i would actually like...

[lepoppeta]

Song asks: CharPentious

this was even harder than vaggiebomb holy cow

charpentious is probably my favourite charlie ship (theres like... negative art of it so i have to placate myself with the oodles of delicious charlastor drawings available). pentious and charlie are on the exactly same wavelength of golden retriever dumbass that they feed off of each other in this wonderful pocket ecosystem of support and positivity. they would undoubtedly make everyone else around them absolutely sick to their very gums and thats honestly half the fun.

the thing that was tripping me up about these two and finding songs was trying to find something that wasnt super generic - its all well and good to use any happy love song, but those can be applied to any number of situations. i wanted to try and be a little more niche. i dont know how successful i was.

love is an open door (frozen, sung by kristen bell and santino fontana)

all my life has been a series of doors in my face, and then suddenly i bump into you (i was thinking the same thing! cause like - ive been searching my whole life to find my own place, and maybe its the party talking, or the chocolate fondue)

one of the things i really wanted to highlight about the potential for these two is how EASY i think their relationship would be. after years of being met with adversity and ridicule, heres someone who doesnt think youre stupid or that your dreams are too big or that your inventions are too gaudy and complicated - they think its WONDERFUL. they think YOURE wonderful, in all of your goofiness, because within that lies sincerity.

something to believe in (newsies, sung by jeremy jordan and kara lindsay)

til the moment i found you, i thought i knew what love was. now im learning what is true - that love will do what it does. the world finds ways to sting you, and then one day it decides to bring you

something to believe in for even a night. one night may be forever, but thats alright - thats alright. and if youre gone tomorrow, what was ours will still be. i have something to believe, now that i know you believed in me.

(we was never meant to meet, and then we meet - who knows why. one more stranger on the street, just someone sweet passing by. an angel come to save me, who didnt even know she gave me

something to believe in for even a day. one day may be forever, but thats okay - thats okay. and if im gone tomorrow, what was ours will still be. i have something to believe in, now that i know you believed in me.)

i dont normally copy down that many lyrics, but they fit so well that i had to include all of them!

one of my favourite things about charlie ships is that (ideally) she wins over the other party simply by being kind and almost aggressively genuine. while i have my own opinions on how characters work and what they are within the universe, this song becomes heartbreaking if you put it in the context of show canon and have it be the last duet they have before heaven comes to attack - pentious calls her an angel, and they say that even though he/they might die tomorrow (which, as we all know, is what happens), it doesnt change the fact that charlie forgave pentious and allowed him the oppurtunity of redemption, and pentious in turn actually put in effort and became the hotels proof of concept.

[jealousmartini]

HAPPY MARCH🥳

`☆ ⋆ ｡ It's the beginning of a new month! ｡ ꕤ~ .

Quick confession. I didn't start the year the way I promised myself I would as a master manifester, a shifter and an art studentin college😭 plus today's the last day of my 2nd project and I will just say.. I didn't prioritise my time as well as I should have. So I'm not gonna let myself cry over wasted time along side incomplete work and lock in🤞🏽

But anyway I want to share my plan for this month. I am going to keep on top of:

☆ Journaling, Scripting and Vaulting

In my introduction, I said I would introduce myself as I would in my better current reality and really embody my drself. I'll be honest, the closest I have been to embodying my drself was daydreaming being my drself🧍🏿‍♀️ So I want to change that once and for all. I am sick of wishing I was her instead of realising I literally am her ffs.

So, I think vaulting as I am my drself and tracking my manifestation journey is an awesome way for successful embodiment. Because essentially when I am vaulting about my (dr)self, I am just affirming to myself about who I am by saying "I am this" or "I love having that" or maybe "my blah blah blah is so cute" and "I am so grateful that xyz".

☆ Practicing entering the void

Okay so I already understand that the void is nothing special (to me at least). The only reason why people think its special is because of the fact that you instantly recieve your desires once youve affirmed them when in the void (please for the love of god dont think you cant manifest instantly outside of the void. It is just a tool). It is literally just a deep meditative state. You are literally just meditating. It's the stillness state. The state of just being. Your I am-ness. So now that I have taken the void off the pedestal, I feel like I can enter the void anytime I try now and I will this march.

☆ Persistance/Loyalty to the new story

Something I've struggled with is persistance to my manifestations simply because of what I see in the 3D. Even when i've persistantly affirmed to myself for something not to happen or to get something, sometimes the opposit happens and I'll get what i didnt want.. but im content with it because it actually turned out alright, and I'll just settle for that. But whats really interesting is that Ive learned to always stay neutral to it anyway. I understand that nothing in the 3D has any meaning whatsoever. The the 3D is neutral and circumstances literally don't matter. Only I have power of the 3D and nothing in the 3D can have power unless I let it. And this applies to who i choose to identify as. Do i identify as someone who doesnt quite have everything she wants or do i identify as someone with everything i could ever want. So usually if I see something i don't like I'll just shake it off. Which brings me to

☆ Revision

Ive been in the loa community for 5 years and I learnt about revision 2 years ago through a revise your past subliminal. I didn't even know you could actually rewrite your past so this kind of opened me to really understanding the law of assumption applies to everything.

Since then I've been using revision subliminals here and there to revise certain scenarios and whatever, but I haven't really been using revision to its true potential. As I have learnt I can change the past, I will be vaulting/scripting my desired past through different eras of my life that I've already lived. So stuff like what highschool I went to and how I did in it, erasing unfavourable moments and replacing them with something better suited to me to align myself with my actual (dr)self

☆ Using general blanket affirmations and making specific affirmations that resonate with me to rewire my mindset and self concept

I already do this but 1. I don't do it as much as I'd like to and 2. I am altering the way I think about myself and everything in general. So I guess the way I used to affirm kind of felt robotic, forced and fake. So I figured I will use the generalised blanket affirmations I actually like to use and not the ones I'm told to use that I don't connect with, as well as make my own affirmations personalised to what I identify as and embody. This brings me to my next topic.

☆ Subliminals

Okay so I saw this post from another loa blogger talking about subliminals and they said that changing the reason why you use subliminals can really improve your manifestation journey. So instead of using subliminals to get something, use them to remind yourself you already have it. Use them to help you persist in in the fact that you are the version of yourself who HAS 1 million pounds or that you HAVE your dream life. Use them to REMIND yourself, you are already the version of you who has it. This goes for ANY and ALL subliminals by the way. Use your desired subliminals to repeat back what you identify as guys!

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────

MARCH IS MINE YOU GUYS DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND

Anyways Ciao!!😘

Im so shy to tag but wtv!: @urimaginarygirlfriend @realistically-shifting @4ellieluv @faeriemarie

[cassyapper]

anyway so my fanmade avdol backstory

i think avdol comes from a standuser family like the joestars essentially. like you know how stands are implied to be inheritable? it's like that for avdol's family particularly on avdol's father's side. as such avdol's father kinda expects his kids to jsut have stands. but until they do he doesnt pay attention to them. he's like kakyoin in that he thinks nonstandusers are beneath him. i dont think he's necessarily a cruel man but he def has issues with seeing how he fits with everyone else. he doesnt try to bond with anyone unless they prove theyre worth his attention first via having a stand (im still toying with whether i think avdol's mom has a stand outright but she can at least see stands)

anyway so avdol is born. then his sister is born

since avdol's dad is distant with them, avdol's grandma (on dad's side) essentially takes the role of the second parent. avdol loves her so much (as does his sister)

avdol unlocks magician's red when he got angry about something. probably his dad being gone again and avdol is pissed about it and when his grandma tries to calm him down he refuses and it explodes out of him via magician's red. i think the lines on his cheeks are burn scars cause he was crying while it was happening (first from anger then from fear) and the water boiled and burned into his skin cause of the flames. avdol's grandma soothes him and helps calm him down and shows him her stand. he's not evil, he jsut doesnt know how to use it. avdol still wonders if maybe he's an exception on the evilness thing (which is why he's so sympathetic re jotaro)

anyway

so avdol now has a stand and his dad takes great interest in him, esp cause it's so powerful. this makes his sister incredibly sad and jealous cause it used to be her and avdol against the world esp against their dad, and now he's abandoned her too. she eventually deflates and mourns and avdol feels bad but also his dad is rubbing off on him and he tells his sister "it's not your fault you just aren't as equal to him as me" and this ruins her. it makes her sotp trying.  this is lethal cause then when her stand does try to seep in, her mind rejects it because she think it's not possible. thus she starts dying from stand sickness. avdol is frantic and goes on a journey of his own to try and find someone, anyone that could help her, cause his dad doesnt care enough to find someone (he's not uncaring that she's sick but he's like "she'll get better if she earns it" cause again, he has issues). btw that blatant disregard for her is what makes avdol question his dad's teachings

anyway so he gors on an adventure which is how he meets all the standusers he later knows in sdc. they can't really help him cause they dont care about saving a "weak little girl" but they like avdol and respect him and they refer him to the next stnaudser guy. this is shady business though and eventually leads to meeting enyaba in india. enyaba takes note of his potential and says "sure i'll help you look for a cure..."

while they search together, she names avdol's stand magician's fury. anyway so while theyre in india and searching around for something avdol doesnt even know exists, he meets and makes friends with nonstandusers. enyaba doesnt like this and eventually kills some of them to use as puppets for the dirty work. avdol doesnt find out about that right away he just knows suddenly some of his friends disappeared. his remaining friends tell him that enyaba is fucked but avdol is like nooo she can't be she said she was gonna help me cure my sister and they kinda look at each other like mohammed...

well. it turns out enyaba was not helping avdol but in fact was using him to help HER find a stand arrow. when they find it she's like hah! awesome. okay go home now and avodl is like wait what. she’s like oh come on you can’t have honestly expected me to be searching for a way to cure weakness right? so they have a fight and avdol almost dies. his friends save him though. they get him back to india and treat his wounds and avdol shows up just in time to be by his sister's bedside when she passes from stand sickness. avdol tried telling her it doesnt matter if she has a stand she's not lesser after all, standusers can be cruel and grimy and wormy just like anyone else, and that nonstandusers can be brave and heroic and kind, and it doesnt matter, it doesnt, it doesn't, but it's too late and she dies cause se had been listening to avdol’s dad’s rhetoric the whole time she was sick and it just. it was too little too late.

avdol never really recovers after that and it's part of why he puts on that polite, well-composed mask. he never wants to be presumptuous again, never wants to be the reason someone feels that way again, so he always hears people out and he always gives more chances than he maybe should

anyway his grandma renames his stand "magician's red" btw after the funeral when she sees avdol’s stand again (it used to be orange but it changed to red after his sister died cause red was her favorite color). she tells avdol now she’ll always be a part of his soul and he can fight with her strength still and avdol cries and cries and cries and she helps him. yeah

anyway that’s my avdol backstory

[ferel6]

This gets INCREDIBLY LONG, so a little tl;dr here for you: I decided to become a healthy volunteer for clinical research studies in order to fill a hole I thought I had in my fetish dreams, but got addicted to being a test subject. Because it was SO MUCH FUN.

I'm not on here much because this is a secretive place for me (much like a lot of you) and I don't have a lot of alone time.

I just got back from a trip recently and haven't been able to parse my feelings about it. I need to share my fun experiences with SOMEONE because not many people in my life appreciate the feelings I have for them like a lot of you will.

Clearly, by the reposts and likes, I have a medical fetish. Strongest for EKGs, blood pressure cuffs, catheters, oxygen masks. But also for most things medical related. I have ton of equipment that I've used on myself and others.

My wife is a wonderful supporter of anything that turns me on more and has been a fantastic patient for me. But she doesnt have the appreciation for medical equipment, she doesn't love the feeling of a mask over her nose and mouth, the light touch of wires across her chest, like I do.

As I've gotten older, I've needed to figure out more about myself and why I have these feelings. I've always liked being the patient, always wanted to be the experiment.

An idea came to me while I was involved in biometrics screening at work and I wondered why I had never thought of it before: why not volunteer as a healthy subject for clinical research?

I dove head first into it, checking out all the available research programs in my area (there were a lot), but what I began to realize is I didn't just want to be pumped full of experimental drugs and to find out what they do (even though most of those studies would involve the equipment I enjoyed). I wanted something more...basic. Something less experimental, but more intimate.

I found the perfect study, one that still required vitals monitoring (my reason for interest), but also helped further science in a way that interested me personally. A venous occlusion and distension study that looked at the effect NSAIDs have on veins to potentially help patients with Periferal Arterial Disease (PAD). I was nervous to tell my wife about it (just as nervous in fact as when I told her about my fetish initially). But she was perfectly OK with it, mentioning that clinical volunteers are a needed commodity.

With that, I sent off a message to the clinical research coordinator. And I waited. And waited. And waited.

It took about a week of nervous anticipation before she responded with a phone call. She explained the procedure, how they would measure the volume of my arm, hook up an IV retrograde into the forearm, wrap blood pressure-like cuffs around my wrist, forearm, and bicep to force the blood out of my arm for the occlusion portion. Heartrate would be monitored via a 3-lead EKG, BP would be taken periodically on my other arm, as well as continual BP measured via a device wrapped around my wrist and finger called a finometer. She asked if all that sounded ok.

Yes. 1000% yes.

We set up an appointment for a few weeks later and my sex drive went into overdrive at the prospect. My wife was a bit wary of this at first, but eventually warmed up to the idea and reaped the benefits of my overactive imagination.

The day of the experiment, I drove to the medical center, walking briskly past all the patients milling about the general hospital area, past the cancer center, and on toward the cardiac and vascular institute. God, it was such a rush feeling like I belonged there, but for a fun reason, not because I was sick. That sterile hospital smell, the sounds, the lights, the doctors and nurses passing me in their scrubs, going about their business.

I arrived outside of the clinical research floor and was immediately met by the clinical coordinator, no time to get my bearings, no more sitting and waiting. It was finally go time.

She whisked me past receptionists, then past equipment strewn in the hallways, doors leading to open rooms with beds in the middle, until we arrived at "my" room.

I tried not to stare as we entered. It was REALLY HARD. My quick glance took in the table in the middle of the room, the racks of monitoring equipment on the left wall, baskets with wires and tubes hanging out the tops, a large ultrasound machine to the right of the table, a roller tray with what I knew was an IV kit as well as several other syringes in sterile packaging.

I followed the coordinators instruction to sit and fill out my pre-procedure paperwork while she went over all the things that would happen to me (like I needed to hear it again, I'd read the paperwork at least 20 times throughout the prior weeks). Then she took my height and weight, and listened to my lungs and heart. I was a nervous wreck, so my heartrate was a bit high. She chocked it up to dehydration and got me a cup of ice water. Next we measured my arm volume by dunking it in a long tube of water and noting the displacement. Then I was sent to the bathroom before the start of the procedure while she retrieved the other members of the clinical team.

I had a few precious moments to myself in the cramped room once I got back to take everything else in. The computers by the back right corner. The windows out to look over a helipad, as we were on the fourth floor. Just how much juicy equipment lay on the racks on the far wall. None of this was helping my heartrate to slow down.

The coordinator came back in with a tech in tow and told me to hop up on the table in the center so she could get baseline BP, and get me hooked up to the EKG and get my IV placed.

I padded over after taking my shoes and socks off and used the stool to sit down on the table. The tech began wrapping the oh so familiar dark blue cuff around my right arm, while the coordinator pulled over the tray with the syringes and IV kit. At the coordinators request the BP cuff inflated as I sat there trying to calm my thumping heart. She remarked a mostly normal BP, much to my surprise, 125/85, only slightly on the high side for me. She had me lay down and we took it again two more times! God it felt amazing to just have someone so interested in my blood pressure.

The fun was just beginning, though. The coordinator took my left arm in her hands and pulled it over to the tray. Getting gloves on and cracking open the IV kit, she set about cleaning my arm and wrapping a band around my bicep, a steady stream of questions about my family, my job, and answers to my questions back. General banter while she looked down at my arm with such scrutiny, poking the inside of my elbow to confirm a good vein, then a quick jab as the IV entered and was dressed in a flash. I've had flu shots that hurt more, she was such a pro.

The banter continued as she dug around in a bag for three sticky electrodes, tenting my loose tshirt to reach just below my left side ribs, and my left and right shoulders. The tech helped her get the wires attached and I soon turned to see the delicious green line on the screen spiking up and down to a fair 110 bpm. The coordinator remarked again about my higher heartrate, but I informed her it was probably just nerves from my first visit and that I had a naturally high heartrate (I usually sit in the high 80s).

We continued onward, another male tech coming in, as well as the lead clinical physician who would be doing the ultrasound on my arm during the occlusion and infusion. They all busied themselves with various tasks, noting my HR, my BP, or prepping the occlusion cuffs.

The primary clinical physician asked if he could bring in a student intern, as a petite asian girl, probably half my age in her first few years of college shuffled in from the hall. "Of course" was my only response, the more the merrier. Good GOD was I trying so hard not to be turned on by all the extra staff and the entire situation.

Things moved quickly from here. The techs wrapped a cuff around my wrist, my forearm underneath the IV, and around my bicep.

The coordinator lifted my arm up and gave me a roll of gauze to squeeze. After squeezing for a few seconds she said "Five, four, three, two, one, cuff one up" and with the signature puff of air, the cuff around my wrist inflated, incredibly tight. "Five, four, three, two, one, cuff two up", and the second cuff on my forearm tightened, pushing the pooled blood in my forearm away even further (the pressure felt so odd on the retrograde IV at my elbow). "Five, four, three, two, one, cuff three up", and with that the last cuff around my bicep inflated, tighter than I'd ever pumped up a BP cuff during my own play, cutting off circulation to my entire left arm.

The tingling started in earnest as the coordinator told me I could relax my arm and the primary physician set about my forearm with cold gel and the ultrasound probe. I thought perhaps I'd lose more feeling in that arm, but I could feel the lightest touch from the physician, the push and pull of the probe as he clicked keys to zero in on the veins he was looking to image. He talked quietly with his intern, pointing to the screen, to my arm. She would nod and note things as well, also motioning to whatever they saw on the monitor.

The rest of the techs also milled about, the coordinator asking for time to be marked and noting my heartrate. I'd forgotten the monitor, as I was so focused on my left arm. Turning my neck I saw my HR had shot up to 144 bpm! My BP was also much higher as well topping at 155/100. Guess having an extra arms worth of blood rushing around my body sure changed my biometrics.

We waited for some time, taking new baseline statistics of my body's functions. 10 minutes passed, me simply lying there with my arm going numb, the continual squeeze of the finometer on my finger giving me an indication of my pulse.

Next up the coordinator sidled up next to my head, dragged the tray back over and set about getting the first syringe ready. She informed me there were 50ml, separated into 5 different syringes. "They may have doses of Ketorelac, or it may simply be saline, based on randomized trial".

As she began the first infusion, the primary physician and his intern were back on the ultrasound, probing and watching the spot where the IV entered my arm. I could feel the gentle caress of the probe as cold liquid filled my veins, again surprised at how much I could still feel despite 15 full minutes of cut off circulation.

The coordinator hooked up the next syringe and asked how I was feeling.

"I'm great!" I replied promptly.

"Alright, there's four more of these, so just let me know if the pressure gets to be too much in your arm."

She hooked up the next and pushed the plunger slowly down. My arm felt cold now, the liquid going in fluctuating between warm and cool, an odd sensation. The physician continued talking to his intern. The techs and the coordinator would talk amongst themselves as well.

"See this here as it's infused"

"Which one is that, the second?"

"We're on 17 minutes"

"Heartrates up, BP is a little higher as well"

"Still doing OK? I'm going to start the next, just let me know if it begins to be too much."

It was...so much. All of it. A pleasant buzzing whir in my mind, like ASMR but stronger, dominated my brain. All I could do was feel the sensations of my body and listen to the researchers as they talked about my body's functions and what they were doing to me like I wasn't a person to them. Like I was this enigma, this puzzle that needed solving. Just a subject, an experiment for them to run.

Once the infusions were all in place, and another 5 minutes had passed, the cuff was released and warmth and stabbing pins and needles filled my veins and arteries again.

More vitals were taken to confirm changes in my blood pressure, but after the release it was simply a matter of cleaning up. And just like that it was over.

I was cleaned up, given a meal card to use at the cafeteria, told how much my help was appreciated and sent on my way.

I've just come back from my fifth time (first time back since the pandemic), some of the studies have taken place in the MRI center (MRIs are relaxing and I love the idea of my brain being scanned).

And now i just feel the looming emptiness inside. There is so much anticipation and excitement each time I set up dates to go be a research subject. So much feeling. And when I'm there, when I'm being worked on and monitored, when I'm being watched over and dolled upon, I feel so good and right.

It's addictive, like a drug. I want more. I want to go back every week so they can poke me with more needles, watch my heartrate take off at the inflation of a cuff.

Anyway. If you've read this far, congrats on seeing a bit of my not so normal psyche. Glad there are plenty of people out there to volunteer who, like me, don't mind the uncomfortable and invasive parts of medical advancement.

If you think you can control yourself (I actually did a pretty good job in the end of keeping my lust under control), you may want to consider being a healthy volunteer as well. It's definitely an experience you'll never forget.

Feel free to ask questions and such, I'll answer them when I can.

[asbestieos]

Thank you for info on astatatsu! My question is, do you ship them in !! era at all? Do they have a potential relationship; is it one-sided? Do you have particular scenarios you'd like to see them in?

I DO SHIP THEM!!!! theyre like so mature settled-down couple to me. obviously theyre not very affectionate in public at all, its a threat to Tatsumi's career 2 be seen with a woman intimately #idolculture. So they go on discreet "dates" every few weeks to catch up on each other's business. the "discreet" part is them keeoing their distances at the places they go to and play-pretending theyre not actually there for each other since irs a scandal for tabloids if theyre seen romantically. Its like in Spy Kids when the spy parents go on dates

however their relationship post-Reimei starts off founded on unfair terms. Asta knows aaaall about Tatsumi's past, but Tatsumi doesn't know he was his former classmate, and also doesn't know Asta assisted in the downfall of his revolution + specifically Kaname's hospitalization. of course Asta plays it up like they just met but its still unnerving to him when Tatsumi offhandedly states he feels like theyve "already been acquainted for a long time", as if hes speaking to an old friend. Asta maintains the lie that they only just met still

they DO hit it off quite well, though! they share the same plight of being listless, lost, purposeless like guardian angels without anyone to guard. but they find Alkaloid to be a grounding force in reality, to remind them that theyre still people and always still have a reason to live. Asta tries not to be obvious about it, but ever since encountering Alkaloid, she goes to every single one of their Lives and events if possible to fit into her schedule. he also doesnt have a license despite knowing how to drive, so they often call upon Tatsumi to ask to use his car (pathetic girl moment)

when it comes to particular scenarios!!! the first time they open up to each other about their respective pasts is when Alkaloid goes on a personal road trip in a camper. However despite the fact that its supposed to be vlogged for idol promotional / video stuff, Asta arranges so that theyre in charge of packing video equipment - which they "conveniently forget", in an effort to get Alkaloid to spend their personal time more genuinely rather than still posturing for any cameras.

during this time, after all have gone to sleep in their respective sleeping arrangements, Asta and Tatsumi spend some time on the roof of the trailer star-gazing when the conversation shiffs to Reimei. Asta accidentally reveals they were a former Reimei student, which Tatsumi finds both exciting and saddening - though because he knows Asta's age (a year older than him!), hes like, "oh you managed to graduate before my revolution did you any harm though, so good!" because she can tell Tatsumi would be apprehensive if he thought she was there during the revolution, Asta plays it up like they were actually "off-campus" during that year, so they didnt know. Girls when they lie. it works to comfort him though, and they spend the night cuddled up on the car roof. And wake up the next morning sick because they spent the night out in the cold with like, jackets and a blanket for warmth. Xsilly

some more asta-general tidbits under readmore ^-^

▪︎ if Tatsumi is like Alkapapa and Mayoi is Alkamama, Asta is like Alka-single-rich-wine-auntie lol shes their go-to for advice about all sorts of stuff

▪︎ though they do dress masc at times, Asta is severely paranoid that looking too masc will make them seem too similar to their appearance when they attended Reimei. what if someone recognizes them? what if they bring up memories of the past? most importantly, what if Tatsumi realizea who they really are? better to be a #girlygirl to be as distinct as possible from their past self

▪︎ Asta and Mayoi are also decent friends! but Mayoi can sense that Asta is "like him" when it comes to their methods of protecting / serving those they care about, and it unnerves him. Asta (bpd queen) has trouble reconciling with the fact that Mayoi is the person Tatsumi is closest to, but she still treats Mayoi friendlylike.

▪︎ Asta's also learning management from Anzu, though he feels bad about depending on her since shes younger and already has a big workload!! they help Anzu from time to time. Asta's actually a phenomenal producer / manager, having experience from his idol school days to back him up, but cant handle the responsibility that comes with the fulltime title

[wizisbored]

ah, would you look at that... a comment that was not in any way influenced by me tellying my friend i was looking for an excuse to lore dump.

(cw - kidnapping, trafficking)

so, lydia in the new centaur railway au. i'm not sure yet where she grew up, but it was with her parents. emily got sick when she was 12-13. the family had to travel to see a particular human doctor they believed could help, and the only accomodation charles could find in town was a stable. lydia was scared and wanted to be with her mother, and though there wasn't room for charles to stay with her there was enough space for a foal, and charles thought she'd be more comfortable there than in a stable, and the stable owner wasnt particularly keen on having a child staying there anyway. so the night emily died, lydia was with her.

lydia was woken up before dawn by the doctor and told the mare she was sleeping beside is dead. and then, before she can even begin to process that, he tells her that he already told her dad and he's so broken-hearted that he can't look after her anymore. being young and distraught and in shock, she believes him. In the early hours of the morning another human man comes to pick her up, telling her he's going to find her a safe space to stay, and takes her to the train station.

when charles comes back later that morning, and after the initial shock of being told emily is gone, he of course asks where lydia is. the doctor acts innocent and worried. "I thought she was with you?! Oh dear lord, have you lost track of the poor little thing?"

lydia is travelling with the man for a few days, eventually getting off the train and riding out to more unconnected little towns. Or at least, he rides. Lydia plods along after his horse. Eventually, they find the maitlands, who currently im thinking are fellow centaurs. he feeds them the same lie lydia was told and asks them if they could possibly find it in their hearts to take the poor little girl in while he arranges something more official.

she's with them for a few years. they quickly get attatched to her. they play with her, they teach her, they save up to buy her a camera for her birthday. she's devestated by the loss of her parents, of course, but with them she's as happy as she could be. the man who brought her to them or an associate of his checks in every so often, mostly via post and occasionally in person, but most days he doesn't cross their minds once.

a little while after her sixteenth birthday (a generally accepted working age for taurs, but not a particularly pleasant one) the man returns. he says they've found a permenant home for lydia and she needs to come with him. the maitlands are devestated of course, practically beg him to let her stay, it's only two years until she turns 18 after all. but the man insists, and they have to pack her a bag and say goodbye.

lydia doesnt want to leave them, of course, but the maitlands try to put on a brave face for her and tell her its okay, and the man seems like someone you wouldn't want to cross, so she does what he says. on the way to the nearest town with a rail connection she considers running, but that would leave her out in the desert alone and she knows she wouldn't make it. she considers slipping away again at the station, but she's ushered onto the train before she can think any more about it.

she finds herself shut in a train car transporting a few horses, and is basically treated as one of them for the whole long journey. she doesn't see the man who brought her on board and nobody will answer her questions. eventually they get to the town thats the base of operations for the railway construction, shes shoed and her hair and tail are trimmed and potentially shes branded as property of the railway company because that might be significant later, and around this time when she's reflecting on how she came to be in this situation she realises that of course her dad didnt just suddenly not want her, she was kidnapped and then put on hold until she was old enough to be useful.

beetlejuice arrives a day or two after her, and before they so much as know each others names they're hitched to the cart and sent on their way down the tracks.