#the power of clown booby

[usopps-devotee]

Wait but

Pasties shaped like whichever OP sweetheart you want’s personal Jolly Roger. Ex: Give everyone’s favorite sniper a simultaneous ego boost and heart attack by flashing him his own sigil — pasted on the boobies he loves so much! 🤯

Banger idea, I was gonna make this a smut hc, but smut has been killing me. I plan on making a pt2 to this one day, tho.

Tags: implied nsfw, readers tits are out, no pronouns or gender specified but afab implied,

Usopp

Someone please help this poor baby

He can not handle himself

Also worried about the process of making them, he wants to make sure he's the only one who has seen them

He's only a little upset that he's not

You'll have to do it in the workshop

Had a moment of pure shock before reaching out to grab you

The way his hands study and caress your body shaking from the slightest touch

High key worried about how cold you are

Sneaking into his workshop was easy. When usopp is focused, he tends not to pay attention to his surroundings. He doesn't hear the sound of you opening the door and walking over to him, nor does he hear the sound of your shirt dropping to the floor, the sniper only notices your presence when your practically bare chest is against his back. He'll let out a startled yelp whipping around to see the love of his life only for his jaw to drop. To say he was gawking would be an understatement. For a good 30 seconds, there is nothing in Usopp's head other than processing the breathtaking sight in front of him. "Where did you get them?" His voice is hardly above a whisper as his hands trail the underside of your breast. "Made them just for you." He nodded as his thumbs down to your sides, gripping your hips the sniper lifts you up on to his work bench. "Who's seen them?" You chuckle at this question. His possessive nature is something you've always found cute. Always make sure you belong to him alone. "Robin, she helped with placement." He sighs slightly jealous as his hands move to your thighs, creating goosebumps along your skin. "Are you cold? Wait, where is your shirt? Do not tell me you walked all the way here shirtless!?" You throw your head back with laughter at the idea of walking around the ship tits out for all to see while pointing out the lump of fabric that laid a few feet away from the door.

Buggy

FLUSTERED

Scatters like bowling pins due to pure shock

Hesitant to touch, you're a work of art to him, and he really doesn't want them off

His hands will wander everywhere, BUT you're chest at first. He wants to take his time with this gift

The second your robe is off, he's already muttering how you're too good for him

Lots of thoughts running through his head NONE of which are coherent

Now might not have been the best time to bother your captain, but you're feeling a bit neglected and starved for attention. What better way is there to get what you want than to put on a show for the clown. Buggy had been below deck working to improve the explosive power of his buggy balls. He almost looked like a real chemist, eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he mixed chemicals into compounds You called out his name, voice laces with silk and honey as you made your way into the pirate's field of view. "Buggy baby, I've got a surprise for you." His eyes trail up your body as you let your robe slide from your shoulders, setting your chest free from its fabric confines. While you're expecting an explosion, thinking it would be the highly reactive substances in his hands and not buggy himself. Regardless, you've got his attention now as his disembodied hands put everything in its proper place his eyes don't leave your chest, other body parts slowly make their way over to you and piece himself back together. "Show stopping" was the only thing muttered under his breath. You giggle, dropping the robe you had on revealing the rest of your bare skin and a blue lace thong. Free from the gloves, his hands start on your waist, groping the skin at your sides and tummy, hypnotized by the red nose of the jolly roger covering your areolas. "You're too good to me, treasure."

[bansheesscream]

Thinking about Killer Klowns from Outer Space and the characters have some interesting dynamics.

Dave insists on dropping Debbie off at her house while he and Mike go check out the Klown space ship. This can seem eye rolly because the female character is getting sidelined out of the action. But this ends up leading Mike to be the one to make irrational decisions? If it were Debbie and Dave looking for the Klowns it would have been Debbie who impulsively wrecked the car trying to run over slim. And it would have had a total vibe of "silly woman" with Dave being the one to keep his senses in that situation.

Later, when she gets into the shower to wash off the pop corn, this being an 80s horror movie, what a perfect time to have an excuse to show boobies. But no it never happens. I think we only see the bottoms of her legs and later her arm. Otherwise she's behind the curtain. We don't even see her in her bra. Then she fights off the pop corn snake Klowns. Of all the characters, she is the second best at fighting off the Klowns. (And Dave gets guns!). Does Mike ever kill a Klown or attack one besides that unsuccessful attempt with the car?

Yes she gets captured by the Klowns, but this is after several are in her house. And luckily she ended up in the balloon.

She knew almost immediately that there was something off about the circus tent while Mike thought it was a fun circus until they got to the cotton candy room.

Later she is the first one to go down the pole and she is smart enough to look down and not get eaten by the alligator. And she probably stopped Mike from being its lunch as they both stop Dave from getting chomped.

Mike never seems to feel that his masculinity threatened. He let's Dave take the lead and never insists on having the gun. In the beginning at make out point, when Debbie wants to check out the meteor, he wants to stay and get some action but doesn't pressure her and goes with her to see what landed in the woods. (This ultimately probably saved their lives)

Dave himself accepts the bro hug from Mike at the end of the movie and he was protective over both Mike and Debbie.

EDIT: I also wanted to point out that sending Debbie home to keep her safe was the WRONG choice. She was home alone when the clowns to show up with no weapons to defend herself. Her hair spray and shower head worked against the pop corn Klowns but not the big guys. Daves attempt to be a gentleman almost got Debbie killed and would have if the Klowns weren't planning to balloon her!

Anyway, they are the perfect throuple.

Just an addition. He probably wasn't intended to be this, but Moony was the perfect parody of a cop. The man was power hungry, abused his power, was violent with those he arrested, drank on the job, and didn't even want to do his job and we all know what happened to him. Dave is also unfortunately a cop but I choose to believe, since he is young, that initially became a cop because he wanted to protect people, but then saw how corrupt cops are through Moony and later the state troopers. He chooses to retire from the police force. He, Mike, and Debbie probably wanted to get out of that town anyway. So they are all living on a farm preparing for the return of the Klowns.

[wellprompted]

shit said, 5th time’s the charm

“if you’d interrogated me a little harder I would’ve confessed.”

“are you moIST?”

“______ fucking shoved her heathen tongue through the back of my hEAD!”

“sex is a contact sport.”

“for context, _______ has some big boobies”

“you are a USELESS waste of oxygen—”

“please, no more penises, guys, please!”

“oop, I slipped and grabbed your throat.”

“just put it in, man.”

“it’s way too late to listen to you scream”

“get out of there, you fucknut”

“this is why i fuck with the lights off.”

“oh I shouldn’t have told you to kill yourself, my bad.”

“I don’t belong in this flesh vessel.”

“there’s no dick on that snowman.”

“dude i wish there was, i’d be riding it.”

“it’s your turn to be in the hentai.”

“my hands are stuck my hands are stuck my hands are stuck!”

“don’t pin me against the wall, ____! that’s not where i should be!”

“can’t be a war criminal if there’s no geneva code.”

“don't kill both of us you stupid bitch”

“you wanna throw me in the fire you're dying with me”

“thanks for the handholding, I’ll paypal you later.”

“aphrodite cursed sappho with simp disease.”

“I forgot that ______ came strapped.”

“oh i was dead during that year.”

“they're slaves to the education system, your honour“

“i felt this deep in my meowmeow”

“unfortunately god has let us live another day so we're here to terrorize you”

“YOU SWING THE DICK?”

“Feast thy eyes on thee buttcheeks”

“THE MOUTH IS WILLING BUT THE FLESH IS WEAK”

“god kinkshamed horny salmons so hard they can only live 2 weeks”

“why did god let the intern code the blood”

“so now i get to objectify men”

“you put your oviposition away”

“IM TRYING TO SOLVE A MYSTERY”

“i am the clown and this is my circus”

“if i wanted to try authentic swedish balls i’d go to a dating app”

Let’s be heroes!

I think I’d rather live.

Shit shit shit shit shit----

Don’t save that bitch; protect the power thingie!

I’m Vader!

Who needs their dreams crushed?

I do---wait…

Has anyone seen that guy; I threw him somewhere

This guy? I executed him; he landed at my feet!

They didn’t get it right the first time!

What do I have to do, blow out the window?

Hopefully you get some more fucking rocket launchers!

[willel]

Revisiting the "Living Gate" and "Creation Powers" Theories

A very long time ago during the wait for season 3, there was another theory about Will that isn't discussed as much anymore. Many people speculated Will could be the direct cause of the season 3 drama. In a way, that was proven to be true.

You see, Will being exorcised at the end of season 2 was proof enough that Will was a "living" gate. The Shadow Monster or who knows what else could attach themselves to his mind or body and escape into the real world. The shadow that escaped Will's body was indeed the "next" big bad of season 3, other than the clown Soviets.

That is the "living gate" theory, that anything that Will was attached to during his Truesight episodes would be dragged into the real world.

You might be wondering, "What does this have to do with the creation theory?" Let me explain.

The creation theory boils down to Will being he one to accidentally shift and morph Upside Down Hawkins into what it is today. That something in him triggered that night and he unintentionally copied and pasted his home into the Upside Down. Everyone has their own spin on how these creation powers might work and their limitations, but that is the gist.

Thinking about these theories made me remember a very old theory I had once upon a time, back when only the living gate theory was a thing.

Here's a scenario to think about:

Will has a Truesight episode. He ends up on the Upside Down and hears beasts from a distance. In order to protect himself, he runs into a dinner and picks up a knife. Right before the monsters get to him, he snaps out of the vision. Everyone around him looks surprised. Will looks down and notices he is holding the exact same knife he had in the Upside Down."

Would this not be a form of creation powers? The ability to "transfer" stuff from a non-physical realm into the real world? This is basically following Freddy Krueger logic.

In case you don't know about that, here are some snippits to consider as well as the fact that Vecna/Season 4 is heavily influenced by The Nightmare on Elmstreet since the getgo:

After a decade of systematically slaughtering all of the children of Springwood in their dreams, the town was shown to be under Freddy’s influence in Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare. By absorbing the souls of his victims, Freddy was now powerful enough to blur the lines between dreams and reality.

However, Nancy instead forms a plan with Glen to bring Krueger out from her dream, knock him out and have him arrested. However, Glen succumbs to sleep and is brutally killed, sucked into his bed and spat out in a fountain of gushing blood. Nancy has to face Krueger on her own, setting booby traps and luring him out of the dream world into reality. When he returns to finally kill Nancy, she turns her back on him and drains him of all his energy, causing him to disappear.

Essentially, in the original Freddy film, he is defeated by bringing him into the real world and dealing with him there.

If Will has Truesight + Creation powers.... is it possible that Will can... will Vecna into the real world should they meet in the Upside Down?

Could this be why Vecna wanted Will in the first place? Will is his ticket back home? Maybe he can't just leave through a normal gate and has to get through by other means?

That about wraps up my theory!

In conclusion, Will could have Truesight and creation powers, allowing him to take things from the Upside Down into the real world and vice versa. This is why he was targetted for two seasons and might be targetted again in the final one.

[slashingdisneypasta]

Would You Rather?

🏡🔪Horror House Edition🔪🏡

❤🖤🧡🖤💛🖤💚🖤💙🖤💜🖤🤎

Sorry that the numbers start all over again after 6! There's a text block limit working against me here 😅 Anyway, I hope these torture you and you have fun! XDD

You're given a popsicle! Catch? Its striped red and green and Freddy is near. Would you rather chomp down on it or make him even hornier then usual?

So you brought a boy home (Be that a friend, a date, whatever) and Jennifer has spotted him. She sets her sights on him. Would you rather let him die or find a replacement boy for her?

Aubrey II is ravenous, and whoever goes out to feed them may very well get a bite taken out of them. So, would you rather send Bubba out to feed the carnivorous plant or go yourself?

Patrick has a lady friend over for the night, and you know what that means~~ Outrageously loud sex that makes you feel really really uncomfortable, especially since you sleep in the room next to his. Would you rather tell the psychopath to shut up or sleep on the couch... where any number of creepy inhabitants can easily get to you?

You're stuck in the hallway and only have two options to get out! On the right you have to somehow slip between Jason and Michael who are glaring at eachother and raising their weapons, and on the left you have to walk past Chucky who's cackling about something and holding a big red button that can only be a terrible booby trap of some kind... Would you rather brave the big unstoppable stabby men or the creatively murderous Good Guy toy?

Its Christmas! So visitors are coming! Would you rather share your room for the duration of their stay with Beetlejuice or Drayton?

Chucky and Tiffany are fighting. Again. In the kitchen... again. But the thing is? You're super, super hungry. Would you rather go inside or starve?

Carrie's about to fling a table across the room with her powers. Would you rather get out of the way and save yourself or help to calm her down and possibly get hit with a dining room table?

Think of your favourite Slasher and your favourite Non-Slasher. Got them? Great. They're fighting, and you can only save one. Would you rather save your favourite Slasher or your favourite Non-Slasher? (See bottom of the page for more information)

Oh no, you did something super embarrassing and made a big ol mess- would you rather bite the bullet and tell Mama Voorhees it was you or admit it was you to Freddy and get his help hiding it?

You got roped into a game of Truth or Dare with Billy and Stu, somehow. Would you rather choose truth... or dare?...

Its time to get all dressed up for Christmas day ^^ You're gonna look amazing no matter what, I know, but would you rather have Jerry pick your outfit or Patrick?

Pennywise comes up to you and asks you whether they should transform into Chucky and hit on Pam in front of Tiffany or turn into Freddy and hit on Pam in front of Jason? You have to choose one, because the clown terrifies you. Would you rather option A or option B?

( Slashers: Billy Loomis, Bubba Sawyer, Chucky, Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhees, Michael Myers and Stu Macher)

Non- Slashers: Aubrey II, Carrie White, Jennifer Check, Jerry Dandridge, Pamela Voorhees, Patrick Bateman, Pennywise, and Tiffany Valentine )

[everyones-story]

ocs who i havent spoken about but whom i think about:

billy [she/her] - butch lesbian computer girl who hides underground all the time and, much like other underground animals, has poor eyesight and pale skin. does not know who joe is. does not care about him OR steve jobs dreadful illness ligma. doesnt actually know who steve jobs is

mr. mary [it/they] - magical marionette zombie thing that has a shell of..... marionette around whats left of its body, and various masks and limbs it can swap out. appears to fill niche or background roles including henchman, barista, body disposal, mime, and clown disguising bombs as boobies.

ms. tomcat [she/her] - Catman Wizard Big Naturals. accidentally cursed herself into being a furry and just rolls with it. maybe immortal and maybe god? got mr. mary out of a bad situation and now theyre partners in pretty much every sense of the word. currently experimenting with reanimation magic.

doctor al [he/him but he doesnt care] - shadow guy in a prison jumpsuit and glasses who has been trapped in a room for ages. has a vulture motif except instead of bodies its old tech. objectum + in love w r0-bert, his laptop. also has a thing going w a robot named commander

michael [any] - godawful leader of the angels * in my story and overall an awful person. obsessed w perfection and rules with an iron fist.

lucifer [any] - ive mentioned them but not at length. a fallen angel who is generally revered among "demons" ** for escaping their punishment with [relatively] little injury and still having their halo. de-facto leader of the demons. disguises itself as a priest.

flight [any] - a fledgeling [lowest-ranked] angel who should, by all means, be higher up in the status quo, but is Weird among angels, which lands them in some hot water, plenty of gossip abt them, and later leads to them falling. gives themself their name afterwards as fledgeling angels arent allowed to have names

also unnamed [any] - a cherubim that is possibly flights like, only friend until they fall. when flight falls, theyre tasked with hunting them down. they are unable to kill flight or bring them to michael and, knowing they will fall for their insolence, sacrifice themself to flight and allow flight to keep their body. ***

* not a literal angel. they just adopted the term. semi-robotic magical amalgamations obsessed with the idea of purity who are generally a little awful and nitpicky to even each other.

their ranks go from fledgeling -> virtues -> powers -> cherubim + seraphim -> the archangel [michael] [did you know archangels are, in christian lore, actually the second lowest in the ranks? (its okay it makes sense here if theres inaccuracies)]

** again, not a literal demon. theyre not really very seperate from angels except that they dont have their halo [usually]. demons are more of a... subculture, i guess? a collective of fallen angels who have adapted the general concept of demons to band together against angels, making their own faction. they suck a bit but far less than angels do

*** angels use other beings to craft their bodies and get sick upgrades

[im-totally-not-an-alien-2]

Black cat au stuff 4

1. Black cat introduces himself by saying, "I'm Black Cat, but you'll soon know me as the one that got away!"

2. Joker did something to anger Danny so he decided to humiliate the clown. How you may ask? Pies. Lots and lots of pies. Hes invisible when he does it so no one actually knows its him doing it but the Joker hasn't been able to get through one monolog or do even a single dramatic entrance since all this began.

Jason is loving it.

3. Danny started visiting Arkam as Black Cat and casually chatting and befriending the people he liked. I say "visiting" but no one is really sure how he keeps getting in or out, and he doesn't obey the visiting hours policy, but he brings snacks and keeps the patients calm. It's almost like he has a comforting aura about him. Strange.

4. Danny knows Red Robin is amazing with computers but so is he. He essentially used a combo of ghost magic and coding to make a sort of digital boobie trap against anyone who tried to get into his devices/obtain his information.

Danny isn't sure how Red Robin and Oracle had done it, but they managed to set off the trap not only on thier own devices but onto every device in Gotham which was hilarious because it left Danny laugh-crying on the floor of his flower shop as the entire city of Gotham got Rick Rolled. They even got the radio towers! How???!

The scene repeated a few days later and Dannys actually impressed that they made it worse somehow as the new song he selected (The english/Metal cover of Caramelldansen) blasted now in Gotham, the Titans Tower, the Watchtower, and Mt. Justice for three whole hours before they managed to turn it off.

5. Danny loves giving the Batfam gummy worms to snack on. He even found a nice vegan brand for Damian since he's vegetarian.

6. Danny buys these dumb realistic fangs and shows them off to Nightwing and Robin saying, "Careful, I bite!"

Nightwing laughs while Robin turns an interesting shade of red. Unfortunately for him, Alley Cat noticed and upon seeing the smirk on her face he knew that she knew.

Alley proceeds to flop between taking delight in placing Robin and Black Cat in awkward crush situations and being a wingwoman.

Catwoman watches all of it through Alley and Black's cameras like a prime soap opera.

7. Might be related to 6 but Damian/Robin keeps finding new and perfectly excusable ways to hold Danny/Black Cat. Like, start up bridal style. At some point Danny got so used to Robin and Damian picking him up and will just chill in thier arms until it becomes awkward or bird boy is forced to put him down.

8. The cats are always careful to avoid anyone with a sensitivity to the supernatural after this one psychic lady started screaming in terror when she saw/sensed him.

Imagine his and Zatannas mutual horror upon meeting! Danny just blurts out he's cursed as a cover up for being a super powerful undead eldrich creature

Robin: What?!

The batfam: What?!

Zatanna: *internally screaming cause what could possibly leave a curse like that*

Danny: ...oh ancients, what have I done.

9. Dani falls in love with this show called Moster High cause the characters are "like her" and Danny is just happy she has role models until she forces him to watch it and now they sing the intro song together often. Danny is a good big brother.

10. Cass just starts randomly referring to Kitty as her brother-in-law and everyone in the Justice Leage is confused- especially when they're told its the baby of the family whos engaged.

Kitty is brought to The Watchtower for whatever reason you can come up with and Cass explains they have a prank going on where they convinced the Justice Leage that he and Robin were engaged and asked him to play along.

Kitty, being a little chaos gremlin, agreed and playfully flirted with Damian all day. It was the goodbye kiss at the end that made Robin decide he owed Cass big time.

[thewritetofreespeech]

hello!! i've made a request before but this idea came in my brain and i heard your requests were open. So ive seen a lot of fics of the brothers saving mc, but what about mc kinda of saving the brothers, i mean like badass sword fighting style. Just like a stereotypical disney prince saves a princess mc kinda saves the brothers from getting killed by a lesser demon with a sword and just being badass (and sword) and the bros find it hot (weak humans? never heard of them)

*spongebob narrator voice* 400 years lat’er..... So sorry this took so long! I genuinely don’t know why I couldn’t get it done. When I actually tried, I got it done in like 2 days. My only excuse is that I’m a horrible trash munny >.<

Obey me Boys + Power Princess MC

Lucifer

It offends him that this creature, this being not fit to lick the soles of his boots, would raise their hand to him. The attack was not even what upset him, but just the gall. The utter stupidity of this decision to throw one’s life away. The fact that they had attacked with you around only made him wish to end that pathetic life that much sooner.

“Step back [Y/N]. I’ll deal with this quic—” Lucifer cut himself off when you rushed forward. A bright shining sword in your hand as you lunged. Slashing through the demon, who wailed and instantly turned to dust & ash. “What on Earth was that?”

“Oh. It’s my sword.” You reply nonchalantly. Turning around to show it to him. “It’s a holy arc sword, or something. I can summon it from my bracelet whenever I need it. Cool to know it actually works in a pinch.”

“And where did you get such a magical artifact?” Lucifer asked. Perplexed beyond reason, but trying not to show it.

“Lord Diavolo gave it to me when I first got here.” The demon arched a brow. Lord Diavolo? “It would be really irresponsible of him to just let a human wander around hell without some kind of weapon.”

He paused for a moment. Trying to piece all of what you had just said together. Then he just chuckled. “Yes, I suppose it would be.” And here he thought that he had been the only one protecting you. When all along you could do it yourself.

His hand reached out to pat your head fondly. His breast swelling with pride. “I’ll have to thank him for giving you such a thoughtful, practical gift. We’ll also have to add sword play to your lesson plans. I’d be more than happy to be your tutor.

Mammon

‘Shit!’ Mammon mentally cursed as he was hit again.

This wasn’t the first time he’d been rough up outside a club. Given his lifestyle, and his gambling track record, he’d been pummeled by a few bouncers in his life. With his immense power, he could easily take them; if he tried. But then he would be banned from the club, and ever other, and that was something he couldn’t handle over the humiliation of being beat up by these clowns. He needed this. It was all he had.

So, he took his beatings from lesser demons when they came around. He’d only wished they’d picked a different night to get their ‘payment’ back since you were supposed to be here soon.

“Come on guys. Don’t ya think you’ve had enough?”

“We’ll tell you when we’ve had enough!” One demon sneered at him, before kicking a man while he was down. Classy. “You owe us. And we’re gonna get back every cent you owe out of your hide!”

The demon reared his foot back to kick him again, and Mammon mentally sighed. Preparing himself for the kick and really being over this since it began. But….no kick came.

The demon let out a loud grunt over the sound of a metal ‘wack’ before the two, even lesser goons beside him suffer the same fate and they all slump to the ground. “Mammon! Are you ok?!”

The silver haired demon looked up at you in shock. The light from the street lamp causing a halo to form around you, highlighting your worried face as you brandished a rusty pipe like some great sword. “Yeah…I’m fine….”

“You don’t look fine! You’re all beat up!” He just sat there as you dropped the pipe and dropped down to him. Fretting over him as you looked him over. He couldn’t hear what you were saying over the beating sound of his heart in his ears.

No one had ever tried to help him before.

Mammon lifted his arms and wrapped them around you. “Mammon? What—“Let’s get out of here.” He interrupted as he hugged you. Standing up, and helping you to your feet, after a moment to walk out of the alley. “I don’t want to be here anymore. I wanna go somewhere with you.”

“But….I thought you wanted to go out tonight. Play cards. You said you were feeling lucky?”

He couldn’t tell if that was a jab or not, but replied, “well clearly I was wrong.” Though despite his bumps and bruises, he did still feel pretty lucky right not. “I just want to get out of here. I don’t need this anymore.” You both decide to head home to help Mammon nurse his wounds. He never went back to that club, or really any club, after that night.

Levi

“Levi….I don’t think this is such a good idea.”

“Nonsense!” Levi quipped in response to your perfectly reasonable, concerned feelings. “It’s just a little further. Besides, I want to see Henry 1! I’ve missed him a ton recently, and want to make sure he remembers me.” It had broken his heart to discover his poor, lost serpent had been down here, all alone, this whole time. So he made an effort to see him every now and then.

“Yeah but…isn’t this still like super-secret for Lord Diavolo’s family and stuff? What if there’s like booby traps and stuff?”

“Come on! There weren’t any booby traps or anything before. Why would he when he has Henry to keep it…..” Levi trailed off as both of you were ingulfed by a long, dark shadow. A low hissing sound growing louder as a gold, stripped serpent towered over you with a menacing glare. “That’s not Henry.”

The snake hissed loudly with bared fangs and an open mouth, and you both scream and run to get away from it.

The serpent of course chased you. Easily able to keep up, and only loosing you when the two of you duck into a narrow corridor. Levi turned around to say something to you, but you were gone. His immediate thought was that the stranger snake had gotten you, and it was all his fault, and he would never see you again!

When he came to the end of the corridor, walking out like a man on death row instead of running, he looked up to see the snake in front of him. Clearly angered by having to chase him. Levi didn’t care. He wanted to die if anything happened to you. He’d rather die than live one moment without you.

Prepared to accept his fate, the demon didn’t move when the snake unhinged his jaw to eat him in one gulp. Only for a sharp spike to thrust out from his mouth a moment later. A strange, hissing gasp escaping it before it slumped down in a lifeless heap on the floor. “[Y/N]!”

“Jesus! Not to put too fine a pin on it, but this place is literally a maze. One minute I’m next to you, and the next I’m in some armory on the other side of the hall 50 feet away. Are you alright Levi?”

The demon scrambled up the snake corpse to stand next to you and wrapped his arms tight around your being. “[Y/N]! I was so scared! I thought this Henry imposter got you, and you were dead, and I couldn’t think of anything!”

“I’m really ok Levi.” You assure him, as he wept into your shoulder. “Do you still want to see the real Henry? I think I spotted where he actually is when I was running back with the spear?” Levi nodded into your shoulder. Still not prepared to let you go.

Satan

Satan always tried to be a reasonable man.

He hated being referred to as ‘The Demon of Wrath’. It wasn’t his wrath that had caused him to be born. And he wasn’t any angrier than his brothers, so why did he have to be labeled the ‘bad seed’? So he always tried to be level headed. Calm. Patient. But there were somethings he just could not abide. Like the boorish behavior of someone talking loudly in the library.

“Excuse me,” the blonde said, attempting to remain calm, as he came over to the rude demon two tables over, “could you please keep it down? This is a library.”

“Yeah. I know what it is.” He quipped back rather snippily. “What are you? The librarian?”

“No. Just a fellow book lover.” Satan replied. Grinding his teeth now. “And one who can follow the rules and basic social decorum of keeping my conversations to myself in a place like this.”

“Are you calling me stupid?!”

“No. I’m calling you uncouth. A word meaning undignified, and without manners.”

“Why you!”

The demon rose to his feet, towering over Satan now that he was standing. Not that it mattered. Height was not an immediate representation of strength. Look at Belphie. His younger, shorter brother could level a whole city with a flick of his wrist. Satan could easily dispatch of his imbecile without even breaking a sweat.

He never got the chance though, as just after he stood the demon let out a grunt and slumped to the floor; with you standing behind him on his depleted chair with a book in your hand like you had just pulled it from The Stone. “Bet you’re glad I think Kindles are dumb now.”

Satan had to right himself on what he was seeing, and then frowned at you. “I never said that, and get down.” He insisted. Offering you his hand to get down. You hop down with ease and set your weapon book on the table. “Honestly, I could have handled him without resorting to violence or cheap theatrics.”

“Cheap?? This book was very expensive.” You insist, and Satan had to scoff.

“Be that as it may, please do not use books for more than their intended purpose. I appreciate the assist, but I can’t have you hurting yourself or fine literature in the future.”

“You’re such a buzz kill sometimes Satan…..”

Asmo

Asmo always loved going to the club. The dancing. The energy. The pulsing music. The people.

Well…usually the people. Some people, usually bro-dude demons, just couldn’t take a hint that ‘no’ meant ‘no’.

“Come on Asmo! Why are you being so stingy?!”

“I’m not being ‘stingy’,” Asmo replied with a frown marring his beautiful face. “I’m just not interested.”

“You were interested last time.” His pursuer replied. Like that somehow gave automatic permission that things would happen again.

“That was a long time ago.” The dusk haired blonde replied. Sipping his cocktail and looking thoughtful across the spacious VIP lounge over to you.

Yes, things had certainly changed. Once where it would take a whole room of people and attention to make him content, these days all he wanted was you. Just you sparing a moment to look at him made his heart feel incredibly full. He had come here to have a fun night out with you, but it seemed no matter where he went his beauty was always causing problems.

The lesser demon frowned, then looked towards the direction Asmo was looking to land on you. “Shoot, just bring them along with us.”

“Excuse me?” Asmo asked. Beautiful expression turning Ignatius as he sat down his drink.

“Bring them along. I’ve never had sex with a human. But there must be something to it if you’re willing to do them. Not that I suppose that takes much….”

At that, Asmo leapt from his chair and grabbing the brute by the collar. He wasn’t normally one for violence. He wasn’t like his dull brothers. But he couldn’t let a slight like that against you slide. “Take it back!”

The two demon’s scuffle. Clearing out the VIP lounge as everyone ran. Scared that they might transform at any moment and literally tear each other apart. Asmo somehow ended up on his back, a position that usually didn’t bother him, as the other reared back to punch him in the face.

Or, at least he would have if he didn’t start convulsing and fall on the ground a moment later.

“Asmo! Are you ok?!”

The Lust Demon looked at you for a moment. Then delicately covered his mouth with both hands. Returning to normal. “[Y/N]! You saved me!!”

“Yeah. This little thing packs a punch.” You replied. Holding out your little pink taser from She-Sword from your clutch. “I couldn’t let this jerk hurt your beautiful face.”

“No one is more beautiful than you my fierce warrior queen!” He praised. Basking in the moment for only a second before you both scamper off before security came.

You both might be beautiful, but you didn’t want to end up on the evening news.

Beel

“I want to take up kendo.” Beel announced to you one day. Out of the blue. “I’ve been looking for ways to add variety to my workout. I came across this video on kendo and thought it would be fun.”

Of course, Beel knew you had practiced kendo in the past at school. So he might have also been looking for fitness activities for you to do together. In any case, he really liked seeing you in your little workout outfit. It was super cute.

He also liked you showing him the basics of kendo; stance, footing, basic strike movement. When he felt he had gotten the hang of it, Beel jovially asked for a sparring match with you.

“I don’t know….”

“Come on [Y/N], sparring with someone is the best way to learn fighting.” He reasoned. “Besides, I’m not gonna hurt you.”

“I’m not worried about that….” He heard you mutter under your breath, but thought that he must have imagined it as you squared off.

Standing across from you in the arena, something changed. The hair on the back of Beel’s neck stood up. Not in the excited way that it normally did when he saw you. But something more….primal. His grip tightened a little more as he realized he might have to get a little serious with you.

It was all for nothing though as the match was over just as soon as it started.

The shinai went flying out of his hands, landing across the room just as Beel landed on his butt. His backside throbbing as his bell was rung clear as day. He rubbed his head as he looked up at you. “I may have forgotten to mention that I was three-time national kendo champ all through school.”

The demon looked up at you with a shiny, sparkly gaze only until now reserved for delicious food. “Teach me sensei!”

Belphie

He hated being out. He wanted to go home.

Being outside in the sun, with all these…..people was hell to him. Belphie would rather be home, in actual hell, with his blanket and pillow and quiet, rather than ‘top side’ with you for the whole afternoon. Not that it was you or anything. You were the only bright star on this miserable day. He’d be damned if he’d let one of his brothers spend the day with you when he could.

“Belphie, do you want an ice cream? Maybe that will help with the heat?”

He wanted to say that the only thing that would help him was getting the hell out of here. But, he bit his tongue. The demon knew how important this was to you to come ‘home’ now & then and he didn’t want to ruin it for you. So he just nodded and asked, “strawberry please.”

He sat in the shade as he watched you go over to the ice cream truck alone. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe he was just a hopeless shut in. Like Levi, only worse. He just wanted humans so much that being around them was making him crankier than normal today.

“Geez, get a look at that side show over there.”

Belphie looked up from his daze at the human who was a few yards away from him. Snickering and staring with his friends in a voice that a regular human wouldn’t be able to hear. “If you have something to say, then say it, you chicken shit fuck.” Again, he was very cranky.

The human was obviously taken aback at being heard and then called out like that. “What did you say to me?!” He yelled, once he got his bearings on the situation, and took a ‘threatening’ step forward to see if he would repeat it.

“I said ‘If you have something to say, then say it, you chicken shit fuck’.” Of course he repeated it. “Don’t mutter something under your breath like a coward. Say it like a man, or keep your gross mouth shut.” This was why he hated humans. No spine.

Well, metaphorical spine. If he kept this up, Belphie was gonna prove that he had a spine when he ripped it out and made him wear it as a neck tie.

“You little fuck--!” Belphie, of course, didn’t move when he stomped closer. Not that he needed to, because he was stopped in his tracks rather abruptly when you stepped between then. Holding a knife from your pocket.

“I suggest you get out of here, before the only ‘side show’ around here is your knife swallowing act pal.” The man seemed to frozen for a moment as he tried to process if you were serious. Then his flight instincts kicked in and he took off running with his friends across the park. “Gosh, I think I’ve been spending to much time with you guys. I never would have done anything like this before.” You said after a sigh, then turned back to Belphie.

“My hero.” He cheered softly, in his typical tired voice but still with a soft smile. Seeming extremely proud of the bad influence he was on you.

[rosemaidenvixen]

Maybe for the halloween prompt you can do something for Jim and Toby's friendship. Like maybe something about Toby and Jim scaring each other, kind of like a fun fight about who's the scariest. I just miss Jim and Toby's dorky friendship.

Toby cautiously peeked around the corner, spotting Jim’s seated figure from behind the back of the couch.

Moving as silently as he could, he tugged the elastic straps over the back of his head, fitting the demonic clown face over his own, then slowly started to tiptoe towards the couch.

He had to be extra super careful not to make any sound, with Jim’s heightened troll senses all it would take was one tiny creak of the floorboards to blow his cover.

Go slow, gentle, cautious.

If Toby gave himself away now all would be lost.

Finally, he stood just behind the couch, the back of Jim’s head just inches away.

His moment had come.

Toby reached out and placed a hand on Jim’s shoulder, counting on him turning around out of instinct and getting a face full of demon clown.

But he didn’t, Jim stayed completely immobile and didn’t react in the slightest to Toby’s hand on him.

Now that he noticed, Toby realized Jim’s shoulder didn’t feel quite right either, too thin and hard and awkwardly sha--

“Boo,”

Toby shrieked and flailed around in a circle, knocking ‘Jim’ over.

“Wha-- who-- how--”

Jim smirked at him, from his side not in front of him “Gocha,”

Shaking, Toby frantically glanced back and forth between the two Jims, only to see that the Jim on the couch was actually a scarecrow that had been dressed up in a black wig and a horned headband.

“How did you do that?”

Jim’s toothy grin got even wider “I’ve been practicing my wall crawling, it was super easy to drop down behind you from the ceiling,”

Toby pulled off the clown mask so Jim could see the grumpy pout on his face “And your twin over here?” he gestured towards the couch.

“You tried the exact same thing last year,”

“Oh….yeah,”

“Better luck next year Tobes,” Jim gave him a conciliatory pat on the shoulder before turning and walking towards the kitchen.

Only to have ear bleeding sirens blare to life the second he opened the door.

Jim let out a high pitched yip and jumped three feet in the air, landing perched on all fours on the table. With his hackles raised and eyes wide he looked like one of Nana’s cats when they were caught off guard by the vacuum cleaner.

Now it was Toby’s turn to look smug, striding over to the kitchen door and silencing the sirens from the booby trap he’d set up earlier.

“Gocha Jimbo, you might have troll powers now, but you forgot rule number one of Halloween wars,” he held out the alarm with a string attached to the On switch “Always check for a trip wire,”

Jim narrowed his eyes “You realize of course, this means war,”

Toby gave him a savage grin “Bring. It. On.”

[atltexts]

STALKING & NO CONTACT ORDER (NCO) VIOLATIONS

TRIGGER WARNING: circuses & clowns

NCO: On the last week of August, the tile IX office increased the sanctions on BVH at ATL’s request. The medical school sent an e-mail with a serious tone to both BVH & ATL setting a new set of rules. BVH was assigned to one side of the school & one side of the classroom, while ATL was instructed to remain on the opposite side. This was a command to stay as far from one another as possible, not a suggestion. If the rules were to be broken, as the e-mail states, there would be “serious consequences”, including being tried, undergoing yet another Title IX trial which would have undoubtedly led to expulsion. That would mean a 5th trial for BVH, even though BVH was cleared of all other charges.

SOCIAL MEDIA: In the same e-mail, they request that they cease all social media posts regarding the situation. BVH had never taken the opportunity to defend himself online, let alone post about it (closest thing would be his expression of relief: the 1-0 narrative).

BVH’S MOTHER FALSELY ACCUSED BY ATL: ATL on the other hand had already been posting a series of tweets and instagram posts, some of which she even falsely accused BVH’s mother of intimidating her! BVH’s mother does not know anything about ALT’s identity (including her name or what she looks like), but ATL stared them both down as she walked towards & past them during a lecture of some sort. BVH brought his mother to class because he was terrified of going by himself after summer break. BVH’s mother did not notice the girl. When he dropped his mother off at the airport, she asked “by the way, was that girl there?”

CLAIMS BVH HAS IT BEST: In other tweets, she speaks about how the school does not support her because BVH has yet to be expelled (they want him expelled, trust me — staff stands in the doorways to watch his every move, and the campus security checks on his IQ room after every break. It is a circus) and writes as though she is not receiving the praise she is receiving, and as though BVH is not the scapegoat in this situation.

THREATS TO PHYSICAL SAFETY: In a tweet that is a threat to BVH’s safety, ATL wrote that she “has to” bring pepper spray to school (confusing — you’d think someone who is afraid of him would maybe NOT stalk him, trying to make themselves as visible as possible?). Understandably, this makes BVH feel extremely uneasy and on edge, especially when she follows his footsteps. As anyone would, he fears that if she continues to linger around his personal bubble, she will eventually find any excuse to pepper spray him & potentially cause his eyes some serious damage. The school was informed of this serious threat with a screenshot of the tweet attached. They didn’t care.

PRECURSOR: Prior to these new sanctions, BVH avoided to be seated near ATL as he’d rather focus on his studies and not be distracted. He almost always finds a seat before ATL decides which seat she wants to take. He has kept his distance, but ATL would deliberately sit unreasonably close to him nearly every day in class. On top of that, she sends most of her mass e-mails about a health group she’s in only while they are in the same classroom. Since she has sent these e-mails while sitting directly behind him a number of times, I can’t see how she could possibly forget to omit his name. BVH, knowing there’s a good possibility that she is looking at his phone, would delete these on the spot (obviously other students can corroborate the timing of these e-mails). I don’t think it’s just coincidence that she waits for class to hit the send button on these elaborate e-mails that seem to be pre-written. ATL has tweeted on several different occasions about how BVH has been trying to intimidate her, when in reality it was the other way around. He has not given her or the smear campaign any attention from day 1. Seriously, he minds his own business. Being in a class with the spotlight on him, it is not enjoyable, but he goes anyway with one focus in mind: his education and avoiding further harassment. Not only does ATL try to sit near him, but she also stares him down during class, making it difficult for him to concentrate. When BVH leaves class, ATL is usually found at the bottom of the stairs (nearest to his IQ room and furthest from her IQ room) waiting among a group of her friends. As he steps down these stairs to exit the school, ATL & these friends will stare him down in a way that is very unsettling (some of these friends are part of the class leadership who circulated the petition with inaccurate and unecessary accusations — see previous posts). In these moments, he is purposefully reminded of how isolated he is, that he is not welcomed by his peers & that some people really believe he has committed these terrible crimes that he would never stand for.

This is where it gets even more ridiculous…

NCO VIOLATION #1: The very next day (Friday), after the New Contact rules were established, BVH couldn’t believe his eyes. He caught ATL slowly pacing around the campus on his side of the school. He discretely snapped a photo from the balcony for obvious reasons (he is never taken seriously, therefore he has no choice but to collect more and more mountains of evidence) & reported her immediately.

The administrator who sent the e-mail responded promptly & assured BVH that it would be taken care of. The weekend passed without any updates.

NCO VIOLATION #2: The following Monday, ATL was again seated an the area that she was commanded to not sit in. BVH, following the “serious” NCO, sat far back in the class all by himself. While the rest of the classroom was in a cluster, ATL sat in the same cluster with students but in a seat that would be closest to BVH in the dead middle of the classroom. She was drinking a soup casually as though she can get away with anything she desires (I wonder why), and BVH snuck out his phone to collect more photo evidence.

BVH sent yet another e-mail to report ATL’s second violation, also asking for an update for Friday’s incident as well.

MORE FALSEHOODS: The administrator responded with even more false accusations that BVH had actually broken the NCO rules, as reported by ATL. It was reported the he stalked her, when in reality she was shamelessly & openly stalking him. They know how cordial BVH is — he would not break the NCO. Either they hoped they would, or they took this as another opportunity to wrongfully frame him.

HOW DID BVH BREAK THE NCO? Well, first of all he didn’t. When asked, they refused to tell him how, when & where. Fair, considering how much they truly & sincerely care…. about sabotaging every area of his goddamn life.

SHOCKING!: Even though school cameras can prove that BVH did not break the rules & that it was, in fact, ATL, the school decided to drop the new NCO rules. Their reason was “you both broke the rules, so it doesn’t matter. We’re not going to investigate it” This is something that could have easily been investigated, but since it does not benefit ATL, it doesn’t really interest them. In other words, I am just going to assume the rules only applied to BVH & I wouldn’t be surprised if they knew ATL was lying, but saw it as another opportunity to frame him.

The school, in their signature fashion, made excuses for ATL. For the first violation, they said “it must have been an accident.” For the second, they basically said in a more ‘professional’ set of words: “never mind. This is not working out in our favour.” Of course, the administrator made sure to CC the Puppet Master MD in all these e-mails. You know, the one who decided to ‘step out of the situation’.

Had BVH been the one really violating the rules & not ATL, he would have most likely been penalized. Surely, the school must have had a reason to establish these new rules to begin with, especially given how adamant they were about the repercussions. Again, it seems as though they have no interest in keeping BVH in a safe environment.

BVH just wants to stay civil & get through his studies in peace. He is not entertaining any of the drama and is doing everything in his power to avoid further conflict. It's unbelievably absurd and devastating. They even demanded that he take the “Martin Luther King approach” (as though he isn’t already), so I am going to take the Martin Luther approach and post all their egregious crimes.

ATL, again, has stood at the bottom of the stairs with a group of friends and waited until BVH would walk down those same stairs so that she could stare him down. I am not sure what she was trying to do here, given her claims that she fears him.

SUMMARY: The Title IX office increased the sanctions on BVH at ATL’s request, even though BVH was exonerated for the accusations made against him. After the sanctions were increased, ATL broke the NCO on multiple occasions and the Title IX office refused to investigate it, despite photo evidence. BVH was accused of breaking it and was reported. His reports on ATL breaking the rules were passed as “accidents” even though she broke them on a daily basis. There is not excuse on ATL’s part, nor the administrators. They only dropped the No Contact Order once they realized it would only benefit BVH and not ATL. Again, seems like another booby trap to get BVH kicked out.

MORE EXCUSES, MORE “ACCIDENTS”: This is, despite ATL breaking the no contact directive back in February when she tried to FaceTime BVH, let it ring for a while, and cancelled before it went to voicemail. After the Title IX office “investigated this claim,” they determined it was also an “accident.” They also determined that all other No Contact Order violations were “accidents” even without investigation, again, despite photo evidence.

TO BE CONTINUED The next postwill be about what happens after the no contact order, how the subordinates of the Puppet Master MD proceeded to coerce and intimidate BVH into dropping out of medical school & to drop his Title IX complaints against ATL for the weeks of harassment from the text messages I have shown in previous posts (for ATL’s sake, I did not post the most vulgar ones, even though they are the most telling & revealing ones), even though BVH filed it back in November (before ATL ever filed anything!), and also his complaints against the Puppet Master MD.

& POSSIBLE PREJUDICE: Given the fact that BVH is a Filipino male, I do seriously wonder whether discrimination plays a role in this decision.

[postmortemmischief]

the kindergarten guide to spooky things, as overheard from my class

chucky: a recess fav. he can teleport. he has laser powers. he runs around yelling “CHUCKY CHUCKY” like a pokemon

jason: lives in the art room storage closet

candyman: too scary to summon but they want me to summon him?? thanks kids

pennywise: “he’s like this guy. he’s like a clown”

slenderman: real

jersey devil: not real

ghosts: can be killed and put in jail. like regular human jail

michael myers: they actually know michael myers. who is supervising these kids. why are they watching halloween. “he stabbed her on her boobies” Who Is Supervising You

butterflies: eat peoples faces, if they so desire

[loulougoingsolo]

Everything is better with a song

I’m one of those people who think that the best way to deliver an emotional message, at least in a fictional world, is to sing. Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is possibly the best tv show ever to exist, I absolutely loved Pitch Perfect (especially the first two, but the third one was ok, too), and because Skylar Astin happens to be in both of these, and in today’s GMM, this episode is truly my cup of tea.

Today, the power of song is used to deliver some pretty bad movie reviews from Rotten Tomatoes, and when one guy is singing, the other two must try to guess, which movie is in question. Whoever gets the most points, wins a custom serenade from Skylar. So, let’s sing about movies!

It took me a moment to figure out, why the live pianist, Hughie Stone Fish, looked kinda familiar to me, but of course, he’s in Lewberger. They are brilliant. There are some seriously talented musicians in the Mythical studio today.

Rhett is the first guy to sing, and he starts off strongly. One thing I’ve thought about before, and did today as well, is how are these singing episodes constructed. Do the guys come up with a melody on the spot? Did they rehearse the songs in advance? Are they autotuned? How are they so freakishly good? Why can’t everything be a song?

Sorry, that was more than one thought. Rhett sings about PG-13 boobies, and then curses at Celine Dion. The movie in question is, of course, the Titanic. I only saw it once, because my friends wanted to see it in the movies. Despite being secretly in love with Kate Winslet ever since she was in Heavenly Creatures, I haven’t watched this film ever again. Although, I do occasionally sing My heart will go on in the shower. But, hey, the first points go to Skylar!

Next in line to sing is Link. He starts off with a fairly upbeat songified review of Finding Nemo, which apparently is a lot like Taken, but for kids (I haven’t seen Taken, so I wouldn’t know). After Link reaches for his inner Clown-Shark and cries out “I hate fish!!!”, Rhett and Skylar finally get to the correct movie franchise. For reasons unknown, Rhett guesses Finding Dory instead of Nemo, so he gets a negative point. Skylar goes for the correct fish, and scores another point.

Skylar is up next. I kind of was expecting to hear reviews of the Notebook, because, apparently, it’s the ultimate romantic film. I’m probably starting to sound like Link here, but I haven’t seen the Notebook. I don’t like romantic drama, unless it’s a musical. Romantic comedy, yes, romantic drama, a hard pass. I guess I’m not like every girl in the world...

Since the Notebook (or Ryan Gosling in it), at least according to the Mythical crew, gives Rhett the feels, it’s no surprise he gets the point for this round.

Oh, poop. I haven’t seen National Treasure either, but after hearing Rhett’s jazzy version of the reviews telling just how crappy the movie is, I almost want to see it. Almost. I probably won’t. But anything that gives us the longest bleep in GMM history is worth at least one star. And Rhett’s performance gets five stars, obviously. Link pretty much steals two points from Skylar, without even having seen the movie, but I’m willing to believe that he was really going to give the correct answer even without Skylar’s slip-up.

So...I haven’t watched Avatar, either. I started to, but I think I stopped watching around the time the first blue folk appeared on screen and started hopping around in trees. I really don’t intentionally hate all James Cameron movies, he did create the Terminator after all, but I do think he should try making something with a small budget for a change...

It’s pretty much impossible not to guess Avatar after Link first mentions James Cameron, and then goes on to sing about blue balls. Rhett gets the points, and when we come to the final round, the game is very tight.

I haven’t gotten to watch the Joker movie yet. I will, at some point, even though I’m old enough to think that Jack Nicholson is the best Joker ever. I’ve never watched a Joaquim Phoenix film that I didn’t like, and since I’ve been watching the Batwoman series in the past few days, I wouldn’t mind watching more Gotham-based stuff.

I don’t know if Link has seen Joker yet, but at least, he knows his DC movies, and guesses the Joker, just in time to get enough points to win the whole game.

It would be fun to know who wrote the lovely serenade for Link, because I have to assume the mouth herpes is not the first thing to tell every guest on GMM (I mean, the guests at least have to hang around for 20 minutes to get that knowledge). But it was a pretty serenade, and Skylar delivered it wonderfully. I wonder what Rhett’s serenade would have been about?

In GMMore, the guys try out different ketchup flavoured chips, because apparently they are a thing in Canada, where Skylar’s new show is filmed. Also, after all the reviews being from Rotten Tomatoes, this also makes sense.

It was fun to watch how comfortably the guys basically just hanged around, talking passionately about chips. For someone who’s never been on GMM before, Skylar fits right in - and has as many opinions about the chips as Rhett and Link.

And what a strange and delightful 10-word story we got to hear, thanks to Skylar not taking the easiest route:

“Rainbows are blue, red is controversial. Yellow is splendidly confusing.”

[eyebright-iris]

Review: Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn)

“I’m the one they should be scared of.  Not you, not Mr. J – me.  ’Cause I’m Harley-fuckin’-Quinn.”

A triumphant riot of not just girl-power, but the true indomitable spirit of women who have been wronged their entire lives kicking back at the ones who have tried to ruin them.

Birds of Prey is truly one of the greatest movies I have seen in a long time, and this is after having seen some fantastic competition.  Finally, a Harley movie that actually cares about her as a character, as a person, that shows off all the things that makes her great and somehow doesn’t have to make her the film’s sole lead to give her the space she needs to perform.  She’s naïve, excitable, an emotional rollercoaster in a pair of rollerblades and the most delightful not-quite-villain to watch on screen.  Harley has broken up with the Joker and set out on her own, but she never forgets the clown look she is so known and loved for.  Where so many Joker depictions try to show of the madness of clowns, the scary side to make the Joker a formidable villain, Harley Quinn is joyous.  She’s a jack-in-the-box with a rocket launcher, pigtails and smiley-face mallet and maniacal glee in every bit of mayhem she causes.  Yeah, in her own words, she’s not a good person – but you want to be her best friend anyway because you can’t help but love her. Every outfit was sexy but not sexualised, all about Harley’s wild self-expression and not about how much of her ass could fit into each shot; you can feel that this was directed and produced by women; created by women, a project loved by the women behind it. There’s enough emotion to make you really feel for the characters despite the comedy, but manages to flip effortlessly between genuine emotion and humour without cheapening the authentic feelings like other films have done in the past (looking at you, Deadpool).

The film also makes brilliant use of its 15 rating with an explosion of foul language and violence – but none of it gratuitous.  The fights are gritty, lively, and feature none of the signature lady-fighting technique synonymous with Black Widow that involves bringing a man down with her thighs around his face.  The women in this movie punch, brass-knuckle or bare-knuckle; they swing bats and break limbs, they smash windows and noses and get punched back themselves because they aren’t reduced to something pretty for the time of the fight; the fights are fun, but never feel fake.  There’s enough weight behind the combat scenes to carry each of them without losing the fun of watching them.  The Booby-Trap fight scene is the obvious standout, the title scene of the movie where we finally have everything the movie promised us delivered on perfectly, but there are so many others – Harley’s raid on the police station with the shotgun is another personal favourite.  And good news – rumours of Harley having an ex-girlfriend are in fact true!  Bisexual badass Harley Quinn takes centre-stage.

But speaking of Harley, this isn’t just her movie: I couldn’t review this film without paying proper homage to the other characters.  Renee Montoya, a detective overshadowed when her partner took credit for her career-making case, watching him be captain while she never gets the respect she deserves.  For a movie with a cop as one of its leads I was surprised (very pleasantly) at the general tone the film takes towards the police (in colloquial terms, BoP said “fuck blue lives!” and I love it).  Renee’s a force to be reckoned with, a good heart in a bad city and she knows it. The film openly makes fun of how she speaks like an 80s cop movie, but only for the cheese of it all, because the intention behind the cheese, the desire to do good despite the rules, is what this film is all about and while I won’t spoil Montoya’s ending, I was ecstatic for her.  Oh, and did I mention she has an ex-girlfriend who appears multiple times in the movie?  Dinah Lance, Black Canary, is an iconic heroine of DC.  A crime lord’s club songbird with a bite, she clearly has a rough history with police and a lot of mistrust, but there’s a heart of gold beneath it all and she breaks all the rules she’s set for herself to save an innocent life.  Dinah also gets to show off her powers in a fight and it does not disappoint.  Lastly of the Birds, we have Huntress.  A mystery for much of the movie, she’s a lot of motorcycling around and mysteriously killing people for reasons unknown. However, when she does join the gang and come into the light, she’s incredible.  A ruthless assassin with not great people skills which make her formidable but adorably awkward as well, her character realistically reminds the audience that childhood trauma can indeed make superheroes – but that doesn’t magically undo the fact that it is, in fact, trauma.  Her interactions with Cassandra Cain are touching and she’s a fascinating case of someone with no real stake in the affairs that all the other characters are caught up in but takes a stand regardless because it’s the right thing to do.  Also, all these ladies are in fact very beautiful and powerful and kickass and I am very gay.

Cassandra makes the last of the protagonists and she doesn’t let her young age or small stature make her seem any smaller against her co-stars.  Fabulously cast and brilliantly acted, Cassandra is a little shit that people can’t help but take a liking to, but also very much a child in a frightening world who has no idea what she’s gotten mixed up in.  I can’t lie, it’s also very refreshing to see a kid being played and acted like a damn kid, not a thirty-year-old in a schoolgirl skirt.  The Booby-Trap fight where the Birds and Harley are furiously fighting dozens of goons whilst working to protect Cassandra is a really powerful scene, not just for the technicolour girl-power but also because the sight of women working together to protect a young girl in ways they themselves could not be protected is…*chef’s kiss*.

I don’t want to spoil any more than I may already have done, but the villains are phenomenal.  Ewan McGregor does an amazing job with Black Mask, terrifyingly unstable and violent, yet so entertaining at the same time. Also, queer-coded (or canon, if you take McGregor’s own words on the matter) villains are absolutely no issue with me when at least two of our main cast of incredible ladies are queer on screen in this movie (and yes, imo, the bad guys are gay your honour).

Conclusion:

A supernova of harlequin madness and an absolute resounding triumph.  Birds of Prey is everything we needed when Suicide Squad’s own neon-painted violence failed to live up to its potential.  The movie is vividly coloured and non-stop fun.  It’s lurid, violent, and perfectly Harley.

10/10

[moonvalecrossing]

Now that you got the Gym Leaders and such out of the way, how about one for the Elite Four members (Champions will not count since only, like, 3 of them have a specialized type)? Since only 8 out of the 14 types used have more than one E4 member, this means that Koga, Aaron, Bertha, Siebold, Olivia, and Kahili literally have no competition. :P (Also, I do know that you're not really fond of either Fire-type Elite Four, so for favorite, I guess you gotta choose the one you dislike less)

LETS GO. For types with only one elite four representative, I’m gonna talk about why I like or dislike them.

Normal Type- There isn’t one. MOVING ON.

Fighting Type- Least Favorite: Bruno is terrifying. In Generations he’s just muscles on muscles on muscles. And I saw an image of him from Lets Go games and good lord that man has demon eyes.

Fighting Type- Most Favorite: Marshal. Sure he’s the only other one but I do genuinely like his design. Even if his eyebrows are out there. He wears a mouth guard to protect his teeth! Man’s smart.

Flying Type- I like Kahili. Her design is cute. And I absolutely love how the flying type fits her as a golfer! I just wish she hadn’t come out of nowhere.

Poison Type- It’s just Koga and I’ve talked about him already. :P

Ground Type- Bertha’s the only one. I really love this sweet looking old lady. She’s totally Agatha’s twin sister or cousin and no one can convince me otherwise.

Rock Type- There’s only Olivia. While I love the idea of a strong rock type leader woman, I hate the character on a design and character basis. Sexy, barely anything wearing single woman. Not to mention all the robotic stufful in her house being popular among single women. Because IF A HOT CHICK IS SINGLE WE MUST MAKE SURE ITS KNOWN. Women are distinctly tied to a man in their life, don’t you know. And stop pointing her ass at us in the game, Game Freak. Its freaking gross. Especially considering its not just her butt pointed at us and they’ve arched her back in such a way for it to bring to mind.. things. Doesn’t help that she’s another female character who’s wearing ‘pants’ that are about as useful as boxer style panties and might as well just be that.

Bug Type- Shout out to Aaron for being unexpected on my part. Of all the types I could see in the elite four, Bug Type is not one of them. Precious bug boy.

Ghost Type- Least Favorite: (ITS ACEROLA. SHE COUNTS!) Okay fine I’ll pic someone else. We’ll go with Shauntal. For whatever reason her color scheme just does not work for me. Its too bland. I feel like a long dress would have looked nicer on her. Also that freaking.. whatever around her neck. Its supposed to look like a cat but.. why? Why though? Why not just give her a weird ass poofy neck thing with a clasp that looks like a duskull’s head or something since she’s a ghost type trainer? I mean I know the answer. They want her to be totes kawaii ghosty spooky girl. That’s why she’s got a short girlish dress instead of a cool long dress. Her being a writer’s cute though.

Ghost Type- Most Favorite: Sassy attitude grandma Agatha is best ghost trainer. I want to see her in a game again. That ISN’T a remake. YOU BETTER NOT HAVE KILLED HER OFF, GAMEFREAK. If freaking Oak gets to keep kicking, his rival better freaking get to as well. She’s in pokemon masters and that’s cool. But she looks like they have her a youth lift so she’s not TOO OLD LOOKING.

Steel Type- Least Favorite: Twig Legs Molayne. I was happy so see him in there though.

Steel Type- Most Favorite: Wikstrom is a knight. That is funny. His face reminds me of Steiner from Final Fantasy IX.

Fire Type- Least Favorite: Ronald McDonald I mean Flint. Yeah. Flint McDonald. Because I hate clowns.

Fire Type- Most Favorite: I might dislike Malva for being a member of the evil team and not getting removed from her position but I do like her design much more than basically anyone else in Team Flare.

Water Type- I love Siebold. He looks like a grumpy chef and I can picture him as the Gordon Ramsay of the pokemon world. He’s also cute.

Grass Type- There isn’t one~

Electric Type- There isn’t one here either~

Psychic Type- Least Favorite: CAITLIN. Sleepy spoiled little rich girl who went from having her butler do all her battles for her because she couldn’t control her emotions and psychic powers and then somehow becomes an ELITE FOUR MEMBER? Shit I’d accept her as a gym leader first but not basically one of the five most powerful trainers in a region. At least she seems like less of a sleepy rich bitch in Black2White2. Wouldn’t be surprised if she’s a sleepy brat in Masters again though. Also I want to cut her hair because god damn is that unnatural.

Psychic Type- Most Favorite: Lucian and Will are basically the same person in my eyes and neither of them are Caitlin, so props to both of them.

Ice Type- Least Favorite: Lorelei. Because she’s an ice queen in personality and the booby character in design. Also in Fire Red/Leaf Green she collects pokedolls because we gotta make sure to have something kawaii girly for our titty character. But it has to be a SECRET because people knowing her dark dark secret of collecting cute dolls as a smart adult calculated ice queen would probably leave her embarrassed and venerable and ugh sometimes I hate Japanese characters. ALSO, SHE GOT TIDDIES MAKE SURE YOU NOTICE HOW MASSIVE THEM THINGS ARE. Anime sure won’t let you forget it. Also put on some clothes suited to the cold. Jeez.

Ice Type- Most Favorite: I love Glacia’s design. Especially since it doesn’t look like she’s be too cold in an ice filled battle room. She has that older dignified woman thing going for her. My brain wants to give her more of a southern belle accent.

Dragon Type- Least Favorite: I’m putting Lance here only because I have to have a least favorite. I love Lance.

Dragon Type- Most Favorite: Drake looks like a crazy old man who spent years at sea hunting down that giant Dragonite Bill saw in the anime as his white whale. Hot Grandpa Energy. This is a man you respect. Those eyes are scary intimidating.

Dark Type- Least Favorite: Karen, because I have to pick someone as least favorite. I love Karen.

Dark Type- Most Favorite: Sidney is cute and has a very friendly personality that I like a lot. He totally feels like the type who’d see a little girl crying because she didn’t win the cute prize at a carnival and would win it for her. Also, unlike Grimsley, SIDNEY KNOWS HOW TO WEAR SOCKS WITH DRESS SHOES. God damnit, Grimsley what is wrong with you.

Fairy Type- There isn’t one. I hope next gen has one!

[high5nerd]

The Misadventures of Fanty and Pitch Black---Chap. Eight

The first snow finally fell, around the second week into the month of November. It was soft and gentle, and the kids were happily playing outside making snow angels and blowing snow from their mittened hands, watching them fly into the air again.

Fanty's duty at the day care was to be the playground monitor for the older kids in kindergarten and first grade, and she ended up having an epic snowball fight with some of the kids, making their time at the day care even more exciting and fun. She even built snow castles with them from the beach toys used for the sandbox that lay in the shed, and the kids had fun finding little pebbles and using them to make windows and doors.

Fanty had so much fun with the kids she accidentally worked overtime, forgetting to clock out at five thirty in the afternoon completely.

As she gave the last toddler to his eager mother, she thought about Pitch and the other girls back at the apartment. Before she left for work, Mystic and Xion were in an epic battle in a videogame, Drago and Angel left for their jobs as well, and Star was busy baking cupcakes to put in the local bakery.

Something irked her. Her thoughts dug deeper in consideration as she yanked on her bomber jacket as she ventured into the snow, her light blue sneakers crunching against the snow. Since the daycare was considerably close to the apartment, she liked taking a casual stroll now and then instead of wasting gas on just a quarter of a mile. But what Fanty found strange is that when she left Pitch alone that morning, he seemed…quiet. Oddly quiet in a way that made her stomach flip in concern. He looked exhausted, and when she woke up that morning and made breakfast, she noticed immediately he had dark circles under his eyes and his lips were terribly chapped. Fanty thought that Pitch hasn't been sleeping properly, but then she remembered that Pitch doesn't have to sleep. She tried cheering him up by making an omelet with cheese and bits of green and red pepper with a hint of onion. She learned weeks ago that he liked that, so she thought maybe that would cheer him up, but it didn't, even if he ate ravenously.

Come to think about it, Fanty thought, he's been acting strange ever since the Halloween party. Why didn't I notice this sooner?

Maybe because you were too naïve and stuck in your own world to notice. Her mind grumbled, and Fanty bit her lip, knowing that was right. She dragged him into things he didn't want to do a lot, and that wasn't fair. He should at least have a turn…one that didn't involve herself screaming.

Now that I remember, he was trying to tell me something before we went on that shopping trip. Could that be it? Even if Fanty questioned it, something told her it was true.

Suddenly, she was jostled in her right shoulder, and she gasped in surprise. The person who accidentally hit her gasped too, dropping their paper bag of goods they just purchased at the nearby drug store. A bag of mints, some bubble gum and a few rolls of toilet paper fell out of the bag, and Fanty and this stranger immediately bent down to pick up the spilled contents. Fanty apologized over and over as she snatched a Dial soap bar from the snow, and gave it to the person.

"Really, I'm terribly sorry." Fanty said, blushing from her embarrassment. She could be such a klutz sometimes.

"Hey, it's alright," the stranger smiled understandingly, "I was distracted, too. My name is DeadLuck."

"DeadLuck?" Fanty asked, and then brightened, "Hey! You're in that local band right? An honor to meet you, I'm Fanty."

"Nice to meet you, too," DeadLuck nodded, her blue hair shaking out of her eyes, "Well! I better get going. Have a good day!"

"You, too." Fanty smiled, and then continued walking down the street to the crosswalk, pressing the button hard so the streetlight would know she touched it.

The tiny meeting with DeadLuck made her think of how she and Pitch met, or just...unexpected things in general. Why would things unpredictably happen to her? There never was a warning label with an upcoming event or something. Just like how she accidentally bumped into DeadLuck, she was surprised by successfully trapping Pitch in a booby trap. A. Booby. Trap. How crazy can she even get? Her life was crazy, which made her that as well. Because of these unexpected events and meeting with people, she just became that quirky person that seemed prepared and excited for anything. But sometimes she just wanted to relax, to just curl up into a ball and just disappear from all the surprises she didn't want in life.

After surprisingly meeting Pitch, she wanted to be a spirit, too.

Just as Fanty unlocked her door and walked into the kitchen, she saw Pitch's crumpled body on the floor, his face scrunched against the floor. Fanty screamed and ran over to Pitch, not caring that she was scared for his life and probably disrupted the entire neighborhood.

Pitch wasn't unconscious, but he was barely holding on. When Fanty showered him with questions if he was alright, Pitch sensed her fear. It was the Fear of Loss. She's afraid I'm dying. Pitch's mind said, honestly surprised. No one has been worried for him like that.

That small bit of fear brought back some energy to him, and he immediately snatched Fanty's hand, causing her to gasp. He shakily got up on one elbow, his desperate, golden eyes digging into Fanty's brown ones.

"Pitch! What's going on?! You're clammy, and you look half dead!" Fanty panicked, breathing shallowly.

"I…am." He barely choked out, and he could hear Fanty's voice shatter in her throat as tears started to pool at her eyes.

"What do I do?! I don't know how to help a spirit. Tell me what to do!" Fanty demanded, making him sit against the back of the couch, feeling his cold forehead.

"Tell me…your…fears. All of them." Pitch shuddered, feeling another giant wave of pain run up his spine, a sign that he was just minutes away from disappearing.

Fanty hyperventilated, not sure where to start. So, being the friend she was, grabbed Pitch's hand in hope and gushed out every single fear she felt in life.

"I'm sometimes afraid of the dark, and I'm terrified of climbing ladders and being at the edges of cliffs. I'm scared of mean people and I'm scared of losing friends and family, and I'm scared of dying. I'm afraid of giant spiders, poisonous fish, clowns, and being abandoned. I'm afraid of being bullied and harassed, and I'm afraid of not being accepted. And-! And-! And-!"

Fanty didn't know how else to help. Those were most of her fears, but there was a major one she never admitted aloud, not even to the other five girls. As she spilled her fears, Pitch felt the pain in his spine and nerves ebb away, spreading warmth and such relaxation he couldn't help but sigh, letting his head drop onto her shoulder due to his relaxing muscles. Fanty started sobbing, knowing there was no turning back and she would never be able to forgive herself for admitting her biggest fear aloud.

"I'm afraid of love!" Fanty sobbed, "I'm afraid of it hurting me and losing it, and I'm afraid of being weakened by it!"

Pitch stopped, and looked up at her, wide eyed. He knew that fear was in her, and he made sure he never touched that boundary because he knew it would damage her. That was why she moved to Burgess…she was badly hurt. This was a part of her not even her five friends saw, nor even knew. Pitch pursed his lips, feeling guilty just letting Fanty cry into her hands as he just sat back and watched. What was he supposed to do? He can't hug her, because hugging wasn't his thing. Then again, he couldn't just watch her cry and break apart.

"Hey…um…" Pitch stammered, and pursed his lips shut when Fanty looked at him.

"What?" she asked, sniffing.

"You uh…you're not the only one. So…" Pitch looked away, folding his arms, "it's okay."

"Wow, you're good at cheering someone up." Fanty sadly teased, trying her hardest to lighten the mood. It wasn't really working.

Pitch rolled his eyes, "Fanty, I'm a four thousand five hundred and thirty year old spirit that hasn't dealt with this before. Give me some respect, will you?"

Fanty was quiet for a while, deep in thought. Pitch was right, there were others in the world with that same fear. It made her think…what was Pitch's fear?

"What are you afraid of?"

"Hormonal teenagers that like men in leather." Pitch smirked, his bad joke making Fanty smile, stopping her tears in their tracks.

"Really!" Fanty laughed, shifting her legs so she was sitting Indian style. She wiped at her eyes stubbornly.

"At least I made you laugh." Pitch sadly smiled, looking away. Again, no one has made him feel ever involved or cared for like Fanty and her friends have.

"Pitch…" Fanty said, resting her hand on his knee. She wished she could just tell him how grateful she was that he was alive, and not in severe pain like he was a ten minutes ago. Relief swept over her, but she still was badly shaken by sharing every single fear.

Pitch was silent for a while, before he finally choked out, "I'm afraid of myself."

A great urge swept over him, some sort of power he's never felt before. He knew the name; it just wasn't coming to him. Relief? Was it called that? He's barely felt that in his immortal life, how could he just feel it now? But he did. He was relieved of a great weight in his stomach, as if someone lifted a heavy stone off his body so he could breathe a bit better.

Fanty stared at Pitch, pitying him. She's had moments like that herself, many times. She's been afraid of who she was, a naïve girl that was energetic. She knew her energy sometimes drove people away, but she slowly learned that the ones that stayed despite her eccentric attitude were the friends to keep. Pitch watched her facial expressions, and held up a stern finger.

"If you tell anyone, you're dead." He swore solemnly.

Fanty crossed her heart and then held up her hand, "I wouldn't dream of it. And I know how you feel," Fanty said, pouting a bit, "you're afraid of hurting others, right?"

"It's not that I don't enjoy giving nightmares, I truly do. It's just that I get amounts of hatred that hurts after a while. Fear keeps people in their place, and yet this happens." He gestured to his body, still looking weak and frail from his fall.

"What exactly happened?" Fanty asked, biting her lip and secretly knowing it was horrible.

Pitch shook his head, "I'm dying. That's what Man in Moon said. He said that the only way I can fix this is to find a solution through you, but your fears themselves won't help me forever. I'm not ready to die."

"No one is. I don't want you to die, and I know many others who wouldn't either. Five, to be exact." Fanty smiled brightly, trying to be positive.

"Not those stupid Guardians." Pitch snarled, and then yelped when Fanty flicked his forehead.

"I meant my friends, goofball! Hey…that's it!" Fanty snapped her fingers, an idea popping into her head.

"I feed off your friends' fears, too?" Pitch guessed, but was flicked in the forehead again, and he snatched at her hand in annoyance for touching him like that, "Stop it, Fanty."

"Sorry. It's kinda funny seeing your face scrunch up when I flick you," Fanty snickered before becoming serious, "and I meant the Guardians. Maybe they have something that can help you, right? Surely they would know."

Pitch thought for a while. He knew this option would be the best way to go. For all that talk saying he would rather die than communicate with a Guardian, it was a bit of a stretch. Maybe he would rather eat a bucket-full of puffer fish than talk to them. Fanty could tell by his scowl he didn't like the idea at all, but he had to comply in order to save himself. He knew just who had the resources in his mammoth-sized library.

"North must have something at the pole for us. We could…go there. But I seriously don't want to," Pitch whined a bit, letting his head slack in a mini temper tantrum, "Do we have to go?"

"Pitch!" Fanty shook his shoulders furiously, "You're dying and they're the only solution! LET'S GO!"

"Alright, alright! Are you going to tell your friends where you're going?" Pitch grabbed her hands off him, and then stood elegantly like the Boogeyman he was. He had to regain some sort of regality back.

Fanty nodded, before grabbing her bomber jacket, and sprinting down the hall to where her room lay, forcing the jacket on roughly. To Pitch's confusion, she grabbed a nearby metal broom, and with the handle, banged it three times against the ceiling. She waited, and then a minute later three loud stomping noises came back, and she smiled in return. Fanty ran back into the living room and did the same thing but to the floor instead. Again, a loud noise banged back, thrice. Pitch raised a brow, and Fanty deposited the broom next to the bookshelf before turning to Pitch with a grin.

"Mystic, and Star know I'm going to be gone. I'm ready!" Fanty said, putting her hands on her hips proudly.

"…No you're not. Where are your bags? Your winter clothing? I don't know, items for the North Pole?" Pitch pressed, getting a bit snarky.

Fanty gave him a flat look, and he held up his hands, "Don't say I didn't warn you. Let's go."

Fanty followed Pitch down the hallway, and noted how he shut off all the lights to create more darkness and shadows. She knew he traveled with the shadows, but wasn't so sure if she could, too.

"This will only take us a minute at least, maybe even less. You may feel a slight discomfort at first." Pitch informed her, weaving his arm around her waist.

"Whoa, dude!" Fanty yanked off her arm, and Pitch looked at her in shock, "Yeah, total discomfort. Before we go there can't we just talk out our feelings first?"

Pitch glared at her, almost making her shrink back. "If I don't have physical contact with you, you'll just ram into the wall and get a big, ugly bruise on your face while I go to the Pole alone."

Fanty growled under her breath, and instead of letting Pitch hold her like that-since it made her heart do flips that freaked her out-she touched his arm with her pinkie finger. She glanced at him, noticing a vein of annoyance throbbing in his skull.

"Give me your hand, you wimp!" Pitch hissed, and snatched Fanty's hand in his and then yanked her towards the corner of the hallway, dark and slightly haunting.

Fanty immediately flinched, afraid she was going to slam right into the wall, but instead, she felt herself being whizzed through the air, as if someone put rollerblades on her and sent her careening down a hill, and all she saw was darkness.

Before she could scream, Pitch and Fanty morphed into a new location, and Fanty-being the silly girl she was-tripped on Pitch's robe and fell on her face, groaning in pain. Pitch rolled his eyes, his arms folded across his chest.

"Vell, I certainly don't like looks of this." A loud and large voice like a god said.

Fanty looked up, and was met with the sight of a towering hulk of a man, staring down Pitch as if they were about to do a gun slinging fight in a western movie. He had big, brown boots that looked handmade and his face donned a long, white beard. His sleeves were rolled up to reveal tattoos on each forearm, and somewhere on the forearm it read 'Naughty' and 'Nice.' His icy blue eyes glared at Pitch, and Fanty made some sort of stuttering noise in her state of shock, that he looked down, and he noticed he was almost stepping on a teenage girl.

"Bozhe! Who are you?" the big man asked loudly, quite startled to see a girl stumbling to get on her knees.

Pitch chuckled, sensing Fanty's fear as she lurched back, not wanting to be too close to someone so muscular and threatening looking. North, noticing the terror in her chocolate brown eyes, started to kindly chuckle.

"So sorry, girl. No need to be afraid. I am North, but you call me Santa." He said in his best friendly manner, holding out his hand to be shaken.

Fanty stared at him, slack jawed. THIS was Santa!? …Awesome! Fanty finally smiled a bit, feeling shy as she shook North's hand. He had a good, strong grip as he helped her up on her feet, nearly lifting her off the ground.

"Careful, North. Your brute strength might shatter the china doll." Pitch sneered, and received a glare from North once more. Fanty nearly smirked at him, a warning that literally meant that she knew he would be crushed by North's power.

"My name is Fanty," she said, turning back to North, "I'm here to help Pitch."

"We know, Manny told us." North nodded, turning to other beings that suddenly appeared.

A giant bunny hopped forward, and stood on his strong hind legs and held out his paw, smirking. Fanty jumped back, terrified, "Holy mother of Thor!"

Bunny, not the slightest bit offended, raised a brow, "What, you never saw a Pooka before?"

"Sorry, b-but no." Fanty said in a dazed manner, shaking his fuzzy paw in greeting.

"I'm kidding," Bunny grinned, showing clean rabbit teeth, "I'm the Easter Bunny."

Fanty nodded, starting to smile too, "Something told me you were."

"Must be the ears." Jack Frost said from behind him, and waved at Fanty enthusiastically.

"Hi, Jack!" Fanty grinned, waving back, "How's the snow?"

"Awesome, as usual." Jack proudly grinned.

Suddenly, a whirl of colors darted in front of Fanty, and she looked up to see a smiling woman's face with big, magenta eyes. Tiny hummingbirds with the faces just like her darted around her in excitement, and this hummingbird-fairy's wings were fluttering excitedly.

"Hello, Fanty! I'm Tooth."

"Nice to meet you-!" Fanty started, but then her mouth was yanked open as the Tooth Fairy peeked in.

"Oh, those braces did a fine job! You were a good girl, not getting any terrible cavities. I remember your first teeth that grew in when you were a baby. Instead of your front teeth, they were your upper lateral incisors. You looked like a baby vampire! It slightly scared me, but your teeth turned out beautifully!"

"Tooth, fingers out of mouth." North raised a knowing brow, and Tooth nervously laughed in embarrassment.

"Sorry," She said, sticking out her hand to be shaken, "It's a habit."

"Understandable." Fanty smiled, feeling her heart swell up in excitement. Wow! Meeting not only Santa but the Easter bunny and the tooth fairy!

A stout, golden man with the cutest button nose Fanty has ever seen on a being patted her leg for her attention, and when she looked down to see what touched her, he smiled and waved his hand in greeting. Fanty beamed, holding out her hand to be shaken, "And you must be Sandman! Thanks for all those wonderful dreams the past couple of years, bro."

Sandy nodded happily, and shook her hand. He felt so proud, knowing that she was happy with his nighttime gifts of dreams. Tooth giggled as he jokingly smoothed back his hair and thumbed his golden sandy coat, smiling broadly.

Fanty looked at everyone, reality sinking in. I can't believe this. I'm actually standing in front of the Guardians. They're so cool!

"So, I was wondering if you guys could help us." Fanty started shyly, twiddling with her fingers at the subject.

"But first!" North interrupted her, clapping his hands, "Ve must have party at a guest's arrival! With drinks and merriment and music-!"

"And a dress! Let's dress Fanty up!" Tooth offered excitedly, flitting around at the idea.

Fanty held up her hands, blushing, "No, no, no, it's fine. We're only dropping by."

Pitched nudged her from behind, "There's no point. They won't stop until a party is in order. This is another reason why I don't like being around them."

Fanty started panicking. Pitch's life was on the line and all the Guardians could think about is to put together a party for their former enemy and newly made friend? Unbelievable! And she never liked huge and decked-out parties, they made her feel small. Besides, where was the party without her friends? Mystic had to be somewhere with the cans of root beer and Sprite screaming, "LET'S GET HYPER!" and Star twirling like a ballerina on the coffee table. But the Guardian's idea of a party was very formal, something Fanty was not fond of at all and it brought back bad memories of broken hearts and horrible school dances.

Pitch, worried at her silence minus the deer-in-the-headlights eyes and shallow breathing, said loudly for them to hear, "I'm dying and all you can think of is a party?!"

The five Guardians stopped their constant chattering about decorations and food, looking at Pitch with pity. It's not that they forgot, of course they didn't. And it certainly wasn't because they got sidetracked either. They just wanted to lighten the mood, make them feel welcome and sort of apologize to Pitch without really saying it. The Guardians knew that if they verbally said the words, 'We're sorry', Pitch would gloat not just for years, but decades. Even Pitch himself knew he would, too. So the Guardians, knowing that Pitch and Fanty were coming any time soon, tried coming up with ways to let Pitch know that they felt bad for him, that they were to help him out.

Maybe if they just moved on from the past, they could understand him, really listen to why he acts the way he does. But they don't. No one can move from the past…at least, that's what Fanty thought.

"Pitch…we just…we just want to make things up." Tooth tried saying, but ended up quieting down when he looked at her oddly.

"Make what up? The war? I'm over that." He lied, and Fanty caught that flashing red lie immediately.

"Dude, no you aren't. You have been ranting about it for weeks since we first met. Do you know how annoying it is to hear you complain-" and she was interrupted when he slapped his hand over her mouth.

Bunny smirked, "Are you guys-?"

"Bunny! Enough." Tooth snapped, knowing where this would lead all too well.

Pitch glared at Bunny hatefully, and spat acidly, "No, we are not. Nor would I ever want to be related to her in any way."

Fanty licked his hand, and he retracted it with a disgusted yelp. She made a victorious face before folding her arms, "Yeah, but I think after a month in a half with Pitch, I wouldn't think of getting closer to him. He's just a friend."

"Yeah, a friend." Pitch said, somewhat uncomfortably. When was the last time he had a friend? Gees, at least more than a thousand years ago. Maybe even more. Man in Moon would know, but then again, Man in Moon wasn't fond of Pitch.

Even if North still rushed the yetis and elves into making delicious gourmet foods for Fanty and Pitch-which Pitch refused-the Guardians led the two into the grand library. Here, the golden wood shelves reached almost to the ceiling, and books ranged from encyclopedias, dictionaries, even to poetry collections and graphic novels. When Fanty saw that North had the second edition of the Thor graphic novels, she squealed and begged him to borrow them, which he complied. There was a grand fireplace on the west side of the library with a toasty, roaring fire. Up on the mantle were different types of Christmas snow globes and wintry flowers that slightly glimmered in the chandelier light. The stone floor was covered in different rugs, mostly corresponding with the theme of red, green and brown. A giant, soft sofa sat in front of the fireplace and next to it was an end table with a set of green candles and a thick, scarlet book. What Fanty found curious was that there was a navy blue bean bag chair close to the sofa, furthest away from the fireplace.

"Mine," Jack pointed to it, "I stole it from a thrift shop."

"He's on Naughty List for that." North cast a teasing look at Jack, who blew a raspberry and curled up into the beanbag chair. Frost already began to coat the beanbag chair once his bottom touched it.

Everyone sat down, and Fanty sat on the floor in front of North as if he were her grandfather about to share stories. Pitch meandered in front of them, often letting his fingers touch the mantelpiece of the fireplace, liking the feeling of the thick stones and warmth of the fire. North took the scarlet book from the end table and opened it slowly, licking his thumb and forefinger to thumb through the yellowed pages of this certain book.

"Us Guardians hold most secrets to the spirit life, but not all. Such matters like this happens before, even now," North glanced at Pitch, and then continued flipping pages until he was at a page he found, "but it takes great magic to heal."

"Magic? Like, witchcraft?" Fanty asked, curious.

"Witchcraft is the title for mortals born with the powers of magic," Tooth informed, "Spirits with the gift are called magi, or mages. The most famous one you know is-"

"Merlin." Fanty nodded, understanding.

"And Morgana. I remember her; she's the Spirit of Magic." Bunny nodded, looking at North for approval.

Pitch looked at the Guardians, and then at Fanty. For some reason, he wasn't comfortable with her being allowed access to the world of spirits, like the Bennett kids were. He wasn't as her age, but then again, the Guardians didn't exist during his adolescence. No spirits did. Only Constellations and Tsars and Goddesses. Why did it all have to depend on Fanty and her friends to help him recover his strength?

"Since Pitch isn't a Guardian, he needs stronger belief. One child isn't enough," Bunny said, crouching next to Fanty to seriously tell her.

"So…that's where I come in?" Fanty guessed, and in response, the Guardians nodded.

"Your five friends helped Pitch in great ways, but Fanty-for some unknown reason-has a connection to Pitch that's stronger than all of theirs combined. It is just like Jack and Jamie's bond. There is no name for it, but it is very important for every spirit in this world." North said wisely, showing Fanty the page he was looking at in the book.

There was a bunch of text in a language she has never seen before, which looked so majestic and elaborate, she guessed it was a written language only North and the other spirits would know. On the right page, bottom left, was an image of a spirit form holding out open hands to a child, both of them smiling with hope. Between their hands was a bright light, glowing with life. Fanty still didn't understand, and it must have shown on her face, for Jack spoke up nonchalantly.

"Basically, the book is saying you and Pitch must do a ritual in order to regain his belief back. North calls it Black Magic," Jack cast a look at the man.

"More like a way to cheat belief." North said sourly.

"But sometimes it's necessary. I didn't know this stuff existed, and I had to learn the hard way. We all did." He gestured to everyone.

Fanty sadly looked down, "Jamie told me how you guys suffered…" she looked back up bravely, determined to not let that happen to Pitch, "How do we have to make this possible? What do we do?"

North closed the book and put it back on the end table. And elf popped up out of nowhere and snatched the book, and Fanty could hear the pitter patter of its feet as it went to the nearest bookshelf to put it back in.

"Book does not say, but it does say you must seek Morgana, the Spirit of Magic. She knows everything-"

"Literally, everything," Jack shuddered, "she was the first one to tell me how babies are made. I've never looked at adults the same way ever since."

"Yeesh." Pitch and Fanty said in unison, and they looked at each other before quickly looking away, embarrassed at the twin reaction.

"I remember your face after that!" Bunny cackled, "You looked like you walked in on two horses mating!"

"Don't bring up that subject! You know I'm trying to forget that spring as much as I can!" Jack snapped, pointing an accusing finger.

"Boys, boys," Tooth scolded, shaking her head, "Fanty and Pitch first, and then you can bicker all you want."

Sandy shook his head, I'm not going to be around to hear that. Either that or be asleep.

North looked out the window to see it was nighttime outside, the stars twinkling brightly in the navy blue sky. He tutted, glancing at Fanty who looked uncomfortable at the time. Smiling generously, he patted her shoulder and helped her up.

"Why not stay a night? We can give you at least a hot dinner and a bed to sleep in. I'm sure Tooth can give you a nightgown."

"Nightgo-?" Fanty started, and Tooth awkwardly laughed.

"I uh, have a habit of taking old things and reusing them. At least in my spare time. Which is about an hour and a half per year." She shyly rubbed her arm.

"Whoa." Fanty breathed, shocked at the extreme time crunch.

Jack nodded excitedly, "she took some old Indian drapes and made at least eight dresses out of them. She's pretty talented."

Tooth blushed and giggled at the compliment. Fanty grinned, for she could tell Tooth had a thing for Jack.

"Please, Pitch?" Fanty turned to the Nightmare King, who looked down at her unresponsively. She could tell he was deep in thought, lost in his own world before shaking himself out of it and said sourly, "You think you're able to sleep in a dark room with someone who's most likely going to give you a nightmare?"

"Pitch, don't even-!" North started angrily.

He held up his hands in surrender, "I was joking, old man. I know better. The last time I gave Fanty a nightmare she gave me a bloody nose."

Tooth, Jack and Bunny applauded, and Pitch glared daggers at them as Fanty took a bow, blowing kisses and saying happily, "Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week."

For one night, it was relaxed and getting ready for the trip to Morgana's Glade, a hidden realm somewhere deep in the forests of England. Fanty was ready, Pitch wasn't. Fanty looked as if she had no problem that she was going to sacrifice her own strength for his own gain. He paced back and forth, and to Fanty's demand to calm down, he sat at the edge of the giant bed North provided for Fanty, as well as a nighttime snack of Christmas cookies and deliciously cold chocolate milk. Fanty ate her fill of sugar cookies coated in thick icing before falling asleep, curling up into the expanse of pillows and quilted comforters like a kitten. Pitch heard her breathing slow down, peaceful in her dreamland. He looked behind to see her sleeping happily, almost smiling through her sleep. The light of the Victorian lamp highlighted her cheekbones, making her look more elven like than he noticed. When he looked closer at her form, he realized how tiny her ears were, slightly pointed at the tip. It was barely noticeable, but he could see it in the light.

…Maybe, like Jamie's link to strong belief, Fanty had a link to magic.

"Or something…" Pitch muttered, looking away and slumping onto his elbows. He had no idea what to think. All in just a matter of one day, he had all this information in his brain that buzzed around and gave him a throbbing headache. It made him want to rest his eyes, for it gave him a dull pain behind his eyelids.

He looked back at Fanty, who rolled onto her stomach and gently rubbed at her nose, a childish move in his opinion. She wore a nightgown that looked like it was made from Indian saris, shining with different shades of pink and yellow. Her dark brown hair swept into her eyes, already messy from just one turn in her sleep.

Pitch smirked and leaned across the bed to tuck her in, feeling that father instinct kick in. Just as he pulled up the comforters to her chin and got up, Fanty made a noise and gently tugged at his robe, making him almost smile.

"Stay?" she murmured, yawning a bit.

"I don't sleep." Pitch denied, turning to give her a superior smirk.

"Snuggle, then." Fanty smiled in her sleep, reaching her hand out for him.

Pitch freaked, moving back quickly, "Freak!" and with that, he disappeared into a shadow.

Fanty grinned in her sleep triumphantly, and rolled over onto her back so she had the entire bed to herself. Finally, she didn't have to hear Pitch's constant muttering and disturbance of the silence around the room so she could sleep. She yawned one more time before feeling herself slip into slumber, warmed by not just the comforters and quilts but the vintage pot-belly stove in the corner of the room, which had glowing coals inside that cast flickers of light against the hardwood flooring.

Victory, she thought happily, Fantasy Dreamer 244 will always prevail.

Fanty says, "Sorry, peeps! It's a little long, and since I've been kinda busy lately, it may be a bit miscombobulated-"

I think she meant discombobulated. Whatever, I thought it was alright. Have a good day.

[shirtlesssammy]

14x11 Bullet Point Rambles

Welp. We start the episode with Nick, looking for Abraxis - the demon seen outside of his house the night his family was killed. Now he’s en route to Hibbing, Minnesota. Fuck him up, Donna!

Meanwhile, Dean preps his go bag with…assorted tools. And he leaves with a weird surprise hug. Urg.

Sam’s weirded out by The Hug as well and calls Mary to give her a head’s up and talk over the proper place for hugs.

Donna tells Dean all about the Wayward happenings (even Alex is hunting) <3

Does Sam have a newsletter, Dean wants to know because everyone is all up in business. LOL

“I didn’t come through town without seeing my D-Train.” And Dean gives Donna a huge (goodbye) hug.

Dean asks Mary to cook him a “Winchester Surprise.” OMG. She heads off for ingredients, leaving Dean alone to get up to NO GOOD.

In Donna’s woodshed there are posters of hot guys, but we (and Dean) can’t enjoy them on account of Michael throwing a fit in Dean’s basement.

Nick’s a dick to the locals in his quest for Mary Winchester in Hibbing. UGH Nick, you’re the worst.

Donna pulls Nick over and cuts to the heart of the matter. Nick’s up to shady business. Nick tasers Donna, and I add it to my list of WHY NICK IS THE WORST

Back at the cabin, Dean continues to be shady as fuck when Mary gets back. But we forget it because Mary and Dean are just…cute.

We both squeak very loudly because Dean’s telling Mary about making it for Sam when he was young…and then the story morphs into John throwing it into the trash in a blind rage when he gets home. UGH. We pause the recording to talk about John Winchester, Mary’s guilt, and Dean’s memories for 10-15 minutes.

Dean wishes for happiness with no “clouds on the horizon” (AND GUYS Boris says, “Right because Sam hates clowns!” “CLOUDS,” I clarify, and then we laugh uncontrollably for several minutes. Guys, I still have tears in my eyes.)

While Dean sleeps (Boris: Good thing Cas doesn’t sleep or Dean’s snoring would keep him up all night) Mary snoops in the woodshed and finds books detailing…something bad.

Nick shows up, the buttwipe, and abducts Mary.

And Sam’s here! Hey Sammy!

Mary Fucking Winchester asks Nick what the hell he’s up to. Nick asks Mary about her fight against Abraxis. She trapped him in an Enochian puzzle box.

Mary takes Nick to…a self storage facility in Grand Rapids. Bad ass, Mary. It’s her hunter’s hoard!

Nick discovers her shotgun booby trap so we don’t get to see him bloody, I guess. :/

Boris: Mary is all kinds of awesome tonight. Natasha: AGREED

Dean tells Sam to walk away when people are past the point of saving - ostensibly in an argument about Nick but of course, it’s about Dean. Weep with us.

Nick opens the puzzle box with a power drill, the giant idiot.

Abraxis tells Nick that he’ll tell him why he killed his family if he kills Mary. Nick goes for it, then when things go south he frees Abraxis. Nick, you giant, steaming asshole.

Nick kills Abraxis, in a twist I did not expect, and tries to escape. But then Donna shoots out his leg and Mary knocks him out. LADEEEEEEZ

Sam tells Nick to burn. Thank you, Sam. I quite agree.

Mary tells Dean that she knows what he’s up to…

Now we learn about it. It’s a warded box - a fucking coffin. Dean wants to be loaded into a boat in the coffin and dropped in the middle of the ocean. Drowning for fucking eternity. OH MY GOD this is so horrible.

Dean tells Sam he loves him for trying to save him. Excuse us while we just weep for a while. And then Dean tries to enlist Sam’s help for his horrible death/not death plan.