#the rational and realistic voice in me reminds me that doing that is a bitch move and is literally rudest thing someone could do 😭😭

[jasonntodd]

.

[m-y-fandoms]

1 Thing I Love & 1 Thing I Hate About EVERY Danganronpa Character Part 1

Part 2

SPOILERS FOR ALL THREE MAIN GAMES

I’d love to hear our opinions as well in the comments or my inbox or DM’s! If you try this trend with DR characters, tag me!

Sayaka Maizono

♡ Her passion for her career and friends.

✘ The way she tries to screw over Makoto when the game had just begun. Like wait and see what happens before screwing over such a great guy? Leon didn’t deserve it either.

Leon Kuwata

♡ His voice actor (English), and how real and human his execution was in that we all would be so scared and irrational. It was just so iconic and sad as it’s our first introduction to the death in this series and we all think: “shit, this is real... they are really killing these kids.” I didn’t think it would be that brutal, just seeing his body limp at the end with the haunting music.

✘ His design is disgusting. I hate how he looks.

Chihiro Fujisaki

♡ So innocent, so kind, so intelligent

✘ Shouldn’t have been killed for such a stupid reason, also they did Mondo dirty with that motive for killing as well. Just a mess. As for the actual character, Chihiro cries right off the bat when you do your introductions and that was kind of annoying to me personally.

Mondo Oowada

♡ He has a lot of respect, understanding and emotions for someone I thought would be a hard-ass douche biker.

✘ The worst motive to kill ever in a game where you know you’re getting executed if you’re found out. Like you’d be extra careful and that’s his reason to kill? Lazy writing.

Celestia Ludenberg

♡ Bad bitch energy and her goth lolita design.

✘ Manipulation and double murder. Bad bitch energy only goes so far. Confidence is different then selfishness. Also, of all the chapter 3 triple murders... the worst motive to kill.

Kiyotaka Ishimaru

♡ Emotions: secure in his masculinity, able to cry, show emotions, and apologize when he’s wrong. He’s funny and likable.

✘ The Ishimondo white hair thing was stupid. Taka was fine on his own.

Hifumi Yamada

♡ Writing takes talent, fan fiction as much as any other style or genre. Also the talent of his voice actor (who also voices Kiibo/K1-B0).

✘ Literally everything else about him.

Sakura Oogami

♡ I love everything about her. I love her wisdom, loyalty, design, voice etc. Just step on me, mother.

✘ Why the hell would she ever agree to be a spy even if it meant the end of her dojo? I just don’t think she would do that rationally because she isn’t selfish. The others would suffer for her spying. She remedies this with redemption in her letter in chapter 4 but still she should’ve said no off the bat. Everyone had something to lose. The dojo wasn’t worth spying for monokuma. Also I just don’t think she would commit suicide. She can’t help the remaining students survive and redeem herself truly if she’s dead.

Kyoko Kirigiri

♡ Bad bitch energy, calm and collected when I could never be.

✘ Especially in future arc of the anime, damn can you show some emotion please? Through your words and expressions not just your actions. Sure she was willing to “die” for Makoto but like I just want more emotion from her sometimes, even in THH.

Makoto Naegi

♡ So pure. I Love Bryce Papenbrook. Makoto reminds me of Sora and I love his design.

✘ In THH I didn’t mind his innocence but in the Danganronpa 3 future arc anime, when people started straight up abusing him and accusing him, he needed to grow a little backbone.

Byakuya Togami

♡ Love my dad, king shit, also love how over the progression of the games and animes he becomes a little more kind to his friends.

✘ Why the fuck did he mess with Chihiro’s body? Just so cruel and disrespectful.

Yasuhiro Hagakure

♡ Funny magic man. Sexy voice.

✘ Please. Please Hiro use your brain just once. Why do we have to prove Kyoko isn’t a ghost?!

Toko Fukawa

♡ Character development in UDG and I love Genocider.

✘ Putting down herself and others constantly gets old in THH.

Aoi Asahina

♡ Love her voice actress and her personality

✘ We really just gonna get everyone killed in chapter 4 huh? Surely you know they don’t all deserve that.

Junko Enoshima

♡ A very memorable villain with great hair and design.

✘ I just can’t stand her. I hate her so much.

Mukuro Ikusaba

♡ Her mercenary background is super cool as a concept.

✘ Too bad it wasn’t explored nearly enough.

Hajime Hinata

♡ Seeing the protagonist be a little less naive, innocent and positive than Makoto was a refreshing change, although I loved Makoto. I liked Hajime’s cynicism and expressions that sometimes just screamed “this shit again, huh?”

✘ I enjoy the way Izuru looks but I hate him as a character. He is sexy to look at but Hajime is just a better character overall

Teruteru Hanamura

♡ His love for his family and mother especially is so cute and heart breaking if you know the full story.

✘ He needs to know when to dial it back and quit with the perversions. And no it’s not just how he looks, Miu needs to chill at times, too.

Twogami

♡ I feel like he genuinely cares about his friends, just hides it well

✘ His death felt like a cop out and poorly written. It just didn’t sit right with me. Also his design is disgusting to me, his outfit and such.

Mahiru Koizumi

♡ Loyal to her close friends.

✘ I just have no interest in her as a character and I find her boring.

Peko Pekoyama

♡ Loyalty. Loyalty is something I value very highly in every form of relationship. Peko is also very hot.

✘ Come on girl... I know how you were raised but you should’ve known Fuyuhiko didn’t think of you as just a tool and you two should’ve expressed your true feelings long ago. Like even in secret. How do you live like this? Also I feel like killing Mahiru could’ve been avoided with a calm talk.

Ibuki Mioda

♡ Cute design, positive vibes.

✘ Cringe sometimes in the way she talks.

Hiyoko Saionji

♡ Beautiful character design and some very good insults and snarky remarks at times.

✘ Just irredeemably mean and annoying. Even when you do her free time events she is just so annoying.

Mikan Tsumiki

♡ I like her design as well as her hair, expressions, sprites and clothing.

✘ I hate her. I just hate her whether she’s in her true psycho form or timid stuttering form. She’s just annoying in my opinion.

Nekomaru Nidai

♡ So supportive, can hold my drink at a party. Respects everyone and wants the best for them.

✘ Bro Mechamaru was a stupid plot point. I just couldn’t stand looking at him and couldn’t take it seriously. Still sad when he died though.

Chiaki Nanami

♡ From chapter 5 of sdr2 on she is impossible not to love if you didn’t already. Just the selflessness, the sadness of the reveal and execution, how she returns to help Hajime at the end???? I love her. I love her hair design, color palette, her personality, everything.

✘ I’m bitter and miserable about her being the only class member to actually die (the despair arc anime) also her falling asleep at random times is kind of odd and she doesn’t seem to be like that later on in the game??? Like it seemed like a cheap joke but not actually who she is? Hard for me to explain.

Gundham Tanaka

♡ King shit, couldn’t praise him enough. He’s sexy, loves animals, and is funny as hell sometimes. His voice actor is a saint and a cool dude and I named my guinea pigs after the Dark Devas (yes I know they are hamsters in the games.)

✘ Come on dude. I get that being from Hell and magic and having evil powers is your shtick, but we all know that you and Nekomaru sacrificed yourselves so the others wouldn’t starve. We know you care about your classmates. There comes a time when it’s time to let personas and facades fade and be true to your heart. I just feel like him denying he cared at the end hurt. We all know he cared. I didn’t like how he was haughty until the end. He deserved better. I love him.

Nagito Komaeda

♡ I love him so much. So cunning and intelligent, always a step ahead. And he’s big sexy.

✘ Him killing himself in chapter 5 hurt me so bad I was like in denial for days. Also hate how Bryce Papenbrook gives him a raspy stoner psycho voice in the game then a light airy higher-pitched voice in the despair arc anime. It just bothers me. I love his voice still but the inconsistency just hurts my OCD

Sonia Nevermind

♡ I love that she’s so interested in her passions and love her feelings for Gundham

✘ Her outfit and bow are atrocious. Also why didn’t she start liking and talking to Gundham sooner on? Their romance bloomed late and it would’ve made for a better chapter 4 ending if they were a bit closer.

Kazuichi Souda

♡ Cool design and outfit, love his voice (also voices Kaito in V3) and his backstory is relatable at times. He’s also very human in that he’s scared a lot of the time or insecure or blames others in panicked situations. It’s not always a good thing but it’s human and realistic.

✘ Gosh he can be so annoying. Sometimes flirting or whining too much is well... too much.

Akane Owari

♡ Strong-willed and definitely someone I would be friends with

✘ What the hell is her outfit? Gymnasts and athletes don’t wear that shit. Stop objectifying her when it doesn’t even make the product or plot better. Like there’s absolutely no point to making her dress that way. I was a gymnast for 15 years. Even those who do parkour (which Akane seems to do more often than actual gymnastics in the anime and game) don’t wear what she wears. Also she’s underrated.

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu

♡ I love him. He’s the DR character I’m most like out of all the games and anime. Tenko is a close second. I think he’s adorable, love his character arc, development, redemption, and love his voice.

✘ In the anime/despair arc, Fuyuhiko is not done justice. He doesn’t get enough lines, has a different voice actor, just doesn’t give off the same vibes.

Izuru Kamakura

♡ Sexy man long hair good.

✘ Boring character. I wish he were just Hajime.

Kaede Akamatsu

♡ Loyalty and leadership are such attractive qualities in her. Also she faced her death with such class and dignity and I respect her because I could never.

✘ Some of the voice lines Erika does for her are just weird and cringe. Just random moans or grunts... I don’t know it’s like when Ann Takamaki from Persona 5 (also voiced by Erika) makes suggestive noises as well. Just grinds my gears. Also hate her outfit down to the hair pins.

Shuichi Saihara

♡ I love his nasally voice. I love his design and he’s so adorable. I love how emotional and compassionate he can be. He ties with Makoto for favorite protag of mine.

✘ That sprite where he sniffs his hand. And his ugly ass hat.

Rantarou Amami

♡ Sexy man, sexy voice, sexy piercings

✘ Ugly outfit, and wasted potential

Ryoma Hoshi

♡ I respect him and feel bad for his outlook on life and for how poorly he views himself. I love his little hat as well and he’s the first “different styled” character (Hifumi, Bandai, Teruteru) that I liked the design of.

✘ I hate when he says “got a long ways to go,” it’s overused and annoying, and wish he gave himself more credit. Also hate that when you first meet him he warns you that he’s killed people and is dangerous to be around. Come on buddy, you know you wouldn’t hurt your friends. Stop pushing them away.

Kirumi Tojo

♡ Competence, well rounded, skillful

✘ Boring as hell. I wouldn’t waste one free time event on her.

Angie Yonaga

♡ Dark skin, super cute, love her talent as an artist myself.

✘ Gives religious people a bad name and is super manipulative which I hate.

Tenko Chabashira

♡ I relate to her and feel bad when she’s misunderstood. She’s a good person deep down. Also love her sprites.

✘ There’s more cunning, funny and clever ways to write her digs at men.

Korekiyo Shunguuji

♡ I’m in love with this man. Long hair, voice, mystery, mask, intelligence, passion, talent.

✘ He definitely was a victim of abuse and a lot of people refuse to see that and just hate him. Team Danganronpa should’ve given him a redemption arc where he realized his sister abused him and changed.

Gonta Gokuhara

♡ I love his design except for his suit. Also he’s so cute and naive. I cried for his trail.

✘ No need talk like caveman. Better way to do this.

Kokichi Ouma

♡ Like Nagito, I value his intelligence and crazy cunning.

✘ Shouldn't have died. Also shouldn’t have manipulated Gonta. That was just cruel.

Miu Iruma

♡ She has her hilarious moments and her death surprised me and was sad.

✘ Sometimes she lacks basic empathy, i.e. calling Tenko “Tencrotch” when she just fucking died.

Maki Harukawa

♡ Amazing character development. Didn’t see her surviving until the end at the start. Also her love and passion for Kaito.

✘ “Do you wanna die?” gets old.

Kaito Momota

♡ Just the overall best bro you could ever have.

✘ Has some toxic masculinity issues and anger issues.

K1-B0

♡ Pretty much everything about him. His design, his attitude and personality, especially how amazing and cool he is chapter 5 onward, his execution made me so sad. He’s so innocent and funny without trying.

✘ When you do his free time events he’s very arrogant and just talks about himself a lot... it seems odd and not similar to the Kiibo we see throughout the game.

Himiko Yumeno

♡ Super cute design, love her voice and “Nyeh...” and her sprites. Her character development is great as well.

✘ Why did they take so long to make her important and likable?

Tsumugi Shirogane

♡ An excellent and well hidden reveal

✘ I hate her. So annoying, from the voice to the references and her personality.

[shesawriter39049]

|AFTER HOURS| M|

Pairing: Namjoon X OC 

About-  Your husband and business partner finds you up way past acceptable work hours for the 3rd night in a row! So, daddy has to step in and remind you that’s not something we do in this household. You come before work, in every sense of the phrase!

OR- Namjoon and yourself run a successful Adult Film Entertainment Company called “Onyx” with your 5 best friends from college who you also happen to be in a open relationship with! Your in desperate need of a 2nd videographer/editor! So here you are, up at 1 AM scrolling through resumes because your that boss that hates to overwork her employess so she overworks herself!

Warnings:Daddy kink, Dom Namjoon, switch OC (More of a sassy/bratty sub)Top OC, Oral (F recieving) Light ass play, (Rimming), Dirty talk, Breath play, Spanking(Pain kink),Hair pulling, unprotected sex, light cum play, VERY LIGHT degration (He calls her a “little bitch” once but it’s playful still noting in case it offends ppl)The end hints at a threesum…...with a certain redhead 

Tae is their sassy exec.assistant and makes a cheeky little appearance at the end.

Jonnie baby is tatted...LORDT

There a fun freaky little couple...

WC:6k

NOTE- This is kinda old and  was set to be part 1 of an OT7 AU called “7 DEEP” 

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  “Really?” Goddamn, leave it to Namjoon to make one word sound just as sexy as it was intimidating! 

You heard the footsteps fuck you did, you just opted to ignore them and hope maybe he’d just, I don’t know leave? Maybe he was just doing a wellness check? But, if that’s the case, as your tired, unfocused, half-lidded gaze caught the bottom right of your laptop screen, which was glaring back at you something vicious! You realize that you’ve royally fucked up, and its a cute little 2 am right now! So no, he’s not going any damn were, anytime soon….

“Baby” The word left his lips just as much disappointment as it did allure which is a hell of a combination I know, I know, but in all honesty, it fits the mood. You caught his visual briefly through the mirror mounted against the wall and fuck, your man is fine as all hell! Frame resting casually against the entryway, arms folded firm across the smooth chiseled planes of his caramelized tattooed chest. Oversized cat-eye glasses perched on top of that cute little button nose of his, A pair of loosely fitted sweats sitting low against his v-lines, the thin grey fabric left nothing to the imagination as he’d clearly opted against boxers tonight. Shoulders and arms flexing effortlessly due to his current position which screams nothing but “Your ass is in trouble”. Which I mean, your kinda here for...kinda not….

Only offering a low hum in response as you continued scrolling through mounds resumes and video reels that were currently clogging up the admin email that was typically reserved for Taehyung. And that’s when you hear his feet shuffle closer, and closer until there’s a heavy yet comforting weight pressing against your back. The temperature around you shifting, as he leans down, arms braced on the table on either side of your frame. His long, beautiful, veiny fingers pattering idly against the glass, showcasing an array of rings, one of them being his Cartier wedding band as his lips nuzzling into your neck. Nosing up and down your skin slowly, almost teasingly, just breathing you in until your shifting back against him, a strong chill running down your spine. 

“We talked about this…” Voice low, seductive, yet stern and still clearly a little disappointed...nipping at your neck, not hard enough to leave a mark but just enough to make a point. Forcing yourself not to lean back into his touch no matter how bad you wanted to beg for more than just him grazing his teeth along your skin! You needed him to bite, hard, and he already knows it too, how much you get off on being marked..and that’s exactly why he’s not doing it...The little shit! 

“I know but -” Namjoon reaches up to slam your laptop shut, sliding it and the stack of papers to the opposite end of your dining room table, that you’ve managed to convert to a makeshift office. 

“We talked. About this” Simply parroting the words again, just slower this time as if to say you clearly must not have heard him correctly initially.

You sigh. Deep, slow, defeated, a nod rendering, out as a half-arsed response triggering Namjoon to pull back from you only to slide your chair from beneath the table. Shifting it to face him before dropping to a squat between your thighs. Gaze unwavering as he took in your blatantly exhausted appearance, still, he couldn’t help but melt as he reached out to caress your jaw feeling the way you nestled into it instantly. Your eyes fluttered shut briefly, as he smoothed his hands down your body, slipping beneath your robe to gently massage your thighs.

“So what the fuck, are you doin?” Brow arched as if he was daring you to actually respond, yet there wasn’t a single sharp edge to his voice, it was suddenly soft, calm. As if he was genuinely asking why you were doing this to yourself because he can’t make a lick of sense of it! You’re barely able to hold your eyes ajar right now yet you were out here working....

You couldn’t really handle the intensity of his gaze right now, more so because you knew he was right, you were so fuckin exhausted right now it’s unreal! Let’s also mention that the two of you have to catch a flight to Vegas for a business meeting in a good oh I don’t know 7 hours! So, instead of acknowledging that this was really stupid, you opted to reach for the one resume he didn’t manage to move out of reach. Eyes nervously scanning the paper as a distraction while you tried to think of a rational that even you’d believe at this point! 

'Fuck, we just- I don’t know Joon, we just have so much going on right now! And you know I’ll never complain about us having too much work I mean, I'm grateful every damn day that we’re not where we were!”

You intentionally paused, letting “that” have its own moment because it's something to always be acknowledged! The two of you went from living in a 900sq ft apartment with 5 other people to effortlessly clearing 8 figures as of this last tax year. Humbled and grateful to be busy isn’t even the beginning of how you feel! 

“But I just look at everybody...Yoongi’s responding to emails at fucking 3 AM! Jimin playing around docusign at the ass crack of dawn every damn day sending out contracts! Taehyung up scouting locations at 6 AM on a Sunday which is supposed to be his only day off I just- Everybodys in over their head so I thought I’d just- “ Namjoon reached up and grabbed your chin, snatching the paper out of your hand and forcing you to look him dead in the eyes. 

“So thought you'd overwork my wife instead?” 

You just shrug and nod again, tossing your hands in the air, it’s clear you have an attitude but it’s also clear it’s with yourself! You keep piling more and more on your plate instead of delegating it out to other people to handle! It’s a trust thing, and Namjoon know’s that,  it started out with just the two of you, then for years it was seven , seven deep. It’s hard for you to let new people into something you and your husband built from nothing! However, Taehyung just got a part-time assistant of his own so he can go back to strictly being your right hand, and realistically, he’s salary! Your little Gucci boy probably doesn’t mind drinking his Starbucks and driving his BMW around LA looking for houses to film in! You could have spread the workload out a little you just fuck, I don’t know, you’re always that person to put people first to a fault I guess! Point being, Tae could easily handle this, tomorrow, during normal business hours, you could have and should have been in bed with your husband! 

Namjoon can sense how uneasy you feel right now, almost like your a child being scolded and that’s not at all what he’s aiming for; he's just genuinely concerned. So he opts to ease the atmosphere just a little to remind you, that the two of you are always on the same playing field, he’s only reacting like this because he cares! Flicking the bottom of your chin before leaning in, pressing a firm, yet passionate kiss to your lips as if he’s trying to drive the point home, slipping his tongue past the seam almost instantly. Not even attempting to keep this somewhat chaste, needing you to feel every inch of infinite love and fire he has burning through his veins when it comes to you! Kissing you with enough force to knock the wind out of your chest, moaning contently as you give your husband free rein to explore your mouth. Turning the kiss slightly more delicate as he lets his hands slide even deeper under the robe to continue roaming your body. The slide of his tongue becoming softer, slower….as the pads of his fingers trickled up your spine.

Sucking your bottom lip between his teeth as he pulls back “Were all busy baby, I get it, I hate seeing them like this too, you know I love them just as much as you do! And that’s exactly why we put out those ads, but that does not mean you get to take on everyone else’s shit! Don’t make me put in a complaint to HR about unfair treatment within the workplace!”Murmurs against your lips, as you stare down at his, barely paying attention to a damn thing he said! 

“Joon I am HR…” You mumble low and unamused, eyes rolling to the back of your head in annoyance and he could give less than a damn. Leaning in with a smirk playing on his lips, leaving another lingering kiss against your own. Kissing you with enough fire to have every hair along your body standing on end! Until your practically chasing after him in a pout the minute he pulls away from you. 

“Mmm, and my point still stands….” Namjoon's hands tighten around your hips, scooting you forward so your legs are wrapped around his waist. Your arms instantly lace around his neck, trailing your fingers upward, so they can get lost in his freshly dyed locks.

“Stop, overworking my baby! You know I don’t like  it…” His delivery was just as much playful, as it was stern! 

“Fuck, whatever okay, sorry!” You really weren’t at least not right now, there wasn’t a lick of conviction in that as you reached up to bring his lips back down to yours. Sliding in tongue first, capturing his lips in another opened mouth kiss, the rhythm quickly starts getting messy more so on your end because you’re getting needy! Namjoon tastes intoxicating and you’re blissed out of your mind, even after all these years, this man can still manage to have your toes curling with just a simple kiss! , Arching forward giving him easier access to grab you ass and he takes the hint, the faint sting of blunt nails digging into the swell of your ass has you whimpering out low and filthy against his tongue.

The kiss breaks much to your dismay but before you can even protest Namjoons tongue is lapping down the side of his neck, mapping out all the places he’s learned over the years. Nipping down on your flushed skin ever so often this time he’s biting with a purpose though, giving it to you just the way you like it. 

“Y/n were done with work now right??” He can hear you panting out low and wanton into his ear once he attaches himself to the crook of your neck, sucking maliciously, an almost animalistic growl leaving his lips in the process. There’s a hint of frustration mixed in with arousal dripping off his tongue right now, your too caught up to notice! 

“Namjoon '' You breathe out his name with nothing but lust pouring off your tongue, not an ounce of shame insight in regards to how needy you sound right now. The sound goes straight to Namjoon’s dick which is beaming at you like a spotlight through the thin fabric of his sweats. Tilting your head back, and anchoring one of your hands into your husband’s hair keeping him in place, overwhelmed with pleasure as you go completely pliant under his menstruations. Regardless, this man's self control was somethin’ serious,and he wasn’t giving in just yet...you still had one more cross to bear baby girl! 

“Fuck. Please” Tugging on his scalp like the brat you tend to be, as if to emphasize your point, making Namjoon pull away licking up your jaw in the process. The drag was slow, messy, waving his tongue against your skin the same way he would your pussy and you felt yourself start to involuntarily clench harder and harder by the second. 

“Hmm? What was that baby?” Tugging the shell of your ear between his teeth hard enough to make you whimper into his hair “Now you wanna come to bed?” You can feel him smirking against your skin and you just really don’t like your husband at all right now just so we’re clear.

All you do is whine in response, yanking his hair even harder until you feel a firm hand land on your ass making you yelp out of your seat. 

Nam-fuck!” Hissed through clenched teeth, thighs tensing around his waist. 

“So again…” Tone as coy and casual as can be as he winds his hand back only to land smack dab on the curve of your ass again, right in the same spot, you wouldn’t be surprised if his palm left an indentation behind! 

Namjoon’s hand was literally pulsing against your skin the impact was so damn strong, all the metal dancing along his fingers didn’t help either! You swear the ripple echoed throughout your entire apartment, and the scream that left your throat was without a doubt noise complaint worthy! Fuck your gonna need to send them an edible arrangement or somehing, they already hate the two of you as it is… 

Your panting and whining opened mouth right into his ear, and it’s getting you nowhere but horny and frustrated! Nails, digging little crescents into his shoulders as you try and almost reroute so of the pain that’s buzzing through your veins. But it’s good, it’s soo good, the slickness coating your inner thighs gave that away! Namjoon can smell how much you’re enjoying this, his little pain slut as he often likes to call you! 

 “You wanna stay out here all damn night. Work yourself into the ground. Leave me in bed alone, and now all of a sudden you think you get to boss daddy around? Hmm? Just because your pussys nice and wet and your feelin needy ...now you want to go to bed?” Namjoons tone is blatantly taunting and a little harsh yet the slight growl laced with it all has your head spinning far too fast to even be mad.

‘Oh my god, Namjoon just fuck me already! Shit!” 

“Why the fuck should I do that? Could’ve had me hours ago baby, all I wanted to do tonight was fuck you, that’s all I wanted all damn day.” Slipping his hand between your thighs pinching your clit between his fingers, slowly rubbing the pads of his together on either side, stimulating your clit head-on until your groaning into the side of his neck.”Do you even, know, how hard it was for me not to just bend you over the conference room table today!?” 

“Joon” You try again and he doesn’t budge, he actually let’s go of your clit all together and just teasingly trailing his fingers along your entrance never entering just driving you fucking insane! Looking as fine and unbothered as ever, as his lips ghost up the curve of your jaw. 

“Hmm, let’s try this shit again.Why-” Bringing that same hand up to grip your jaw with enough pressure to indicate he wasn’t fucking around anymore. “Should I give you what you want when you continuously keep disobeying my only request? Hmm???” You can feel your own slickness against your skin, yet all you can focus on is the blatant aganer, and hurt running through your husbands veins. Even beneath all this bravado..he’s clearly really hurt about this, so play times over!

“Fuck, okay!” There was slight elevation to your voice, tetoring on yelling actually. The arch in Namjoons brow said you had about two seconds to fix that , but you already planned on it! Taking a deep slow breath, letting your eyes flutter shut to just...recenter yourself for a moment! 

“Baby, I’m sorry. I’m. Sorry. ” There it was, not that bratty whiney shit you did earlier to get what you wanted, a genuine “I’m sorry” . Soothing your nails through his scalp, it’s almost instantaneous the way his demeanor shifts once those words fall off your tongue in a more..sincere fashion.  

A low hum rang in the back of his throat at the admission, nosing at your cheek “Sorry for what exactly? Because I don’t want it if you doing this just to appease me baby. That won’t do shit for me. ”  Namjoon’s tone is a lot softer now, all of the prior theatrics and pettiness is gone as he awaits your response.

“No, Joonie baby, no!” Pressing a soft but firm kiss to those sinfully plump lips of his that you still can’t get enough of no matter how many years go by…”No”

“ As your partner, I gotta look out for me just as much as I look out for you and I clearly haven’t been! I know better! And I should be taking advantage of the fact that we’re lucky enough to now be in a position where I can hire an array of people if need be. It’s just- you know I’m a control freak, this business isn’t just a business it’s our baby!”

You watch his mouth open in protest and you just simply continue speaking “But regardless, I know it’s not more important than me, or my health I know…” You instantly feel the tension within his body dissipate at that, thumbs kneading at your hips.

“ I’m sorry, I love you and I’m sorry I’m not trying to stress daddy out!'' There's a slight playfulness to your delivery trying to lighten the mood a little though you know how serious this topic is for him! You find yourself wiggling in his hold trying to somehow get even closer than you already were. 

So here’s the thing, back when you were in college just starting out, the two of you had a lot on your plate! Between school juggling multiple jobs, internships, and just trying to figure out how to even start a company of this caliber….The level of exhaustion he often saw you at was utterly heartbreaking. The number of times you passed out due to lack of sleep is unmentionable… so seeing you like this...was fucking unacceptable in Namjoon’s eyes! 

You notice those big brown orbs of his get a little glassy so you grip the back of his neck even tighter dropping your forehead to his. Feeling like complete and utter trash right now! 

 “This business is not more important than my wife, my partner, my best friend...it’s not! However, you are more important than, all of it, this fuckin overpriced apartment, all the shiny little toys we’ve been able to buy, and this entire company in general! I love you, but I need you to look me in the eyes and fucking promise me that you’ll stop this! Please…” 

You can hear a slight trimmer laced within that deep honey-coated tenor of his and the sudden vibrato’s foreign, and you’re not a fan! It took everything in you not to cry at the blatant plea rolling off his tongue, well aware this man does not beg! So instead you just leaned in and kissed him, hard, slow, just letting everything you couldn’t really articulate pour from your lips to his and hope he got the message. 

“I promise, I love you…I promise!”

“And you know I fuckin love you…”  You do, fuck you do, even if this marriege was high key an accidnet..it’s without a doubt one of the best things that’s ever happened to you!

“I know”

“Yeah?”

“Fuck, yeah”

Ducking down, kissing you reckless and with fevour, messy, wet, teeth clacking together. Slowly transitioning the mood from deep and touching to just...raw and nasty which is kinda what you’d prefer at the moment!

 “I wasn’t lyin when I said I’ve wanted to fuck you all damn day though…”

“Please” you whisper out as he pulls back to lick down your neck, pressing your chest together to give him better access. Sucking his mark in a spot right beneath your jaw, well aware you’ll need an ass-ton of conclear within the next couple of hours, but right now you could care less!  

“Please what baby? Tell daddy, what you want?” Namjoon presses, biting his lip and sliding his hand back between your legs groaning out at how completely drenched you are right now. 

“Fuck me!” You pant out low and whiney

“You want it here baby? You want daddy to bend you over the table?” The familiar hunger that was back in his eyes was so fucking sexy and  it had you rutting against him for any ounce of stimulation! 

“No.Bedroom” Namjoon moans in agreement, securing your thighs around his waist and scoping you out of the chair, heading towards the opulent master suite the two of you shared.

Once inside he throws you down on the bed, hard and almost animalistic, making you bounce a little against the firm California king. Namjoon follows immediately, crawling over to cover your body with his own, his broad form completely engulfing your frame. Ripping your robe apart, and letting your tongues meet once more. Hot slick, and eager as you pant out hot and heavy against one another. Soothing is palm down your stomach, cupping your entire heat in his palm. Moaning out that it feels just fuckin like that. Wet and warm, so damn warm...ducking his head down to lick your nipple into his mouth, sucking slow but hard at the same time, nipping and grazing the bud between his teeth.

“Fuck” You moan back arching off the bed and into your husband’s mouth, as he licks trails across your sternum and over to your other nipple. While also stroking his entire palm against your pussy, Namjoon’s always loved how responsive you are to him even after all these years. Just letting his tongue lave over the buds over and over, alternating between, licking, sucking, and biting so your body never gets used to the stimulation. 

“You fuckin, love this shit don’t, you? Bet I could get you to come just like this...wouldn’t be the first time, would it?” You can feel his lips curling into a smirk around your nipples the harder he sucks, bringing his other hand into the mix, the one that’s nice and slick with your arousal. Using it to twist and turn your nipple between his nimble fingers until he can’t tell if your arching into the pain or away from it. He can feel you grinding against his thigh, more importantly, he can feel your clit sticking to his thigh your so damn wet, soaking straight through his sweatpants. Moaning out loud and unfiltered, eyes shut as you rock your hips against him, your hands getting lost in your hair the harder you rock against the bed.

“Fuck, look at you baby, rubbing your sweet little cunt against my thigh..” A low almost arrogant chuckle rumbling in his throat, vibrating against your skin making you moan even louder. “Fuck, here I was thinking you wanted to come on my dick...” 

“Fuck- I do, I wanna come all over you, want your mouth too though…” Reaching out to play in his hair, almost pushing his face down even harder, though you swear you can feel his lips curl into a wicked little smile at that moment. 

“Yeah? You want daddy's tongue all over your pussy…” He didn’t even bother phrasing it as a question, especially once he meticulously started rolling his tongue along your nipples, in a oh too familiar motion that had you turning into a whiny brat within seconds! 

“Namjoon!” He doesn’t even respond, just pulling off and flipping you right on to your stomach, hard and fast, making you damn near choke on your own spit. Face pressed into your fresh linen sheets.. You start to slightly arch your back on insctint. You feel him shift off the bed, peeping over your shoulder to see his sliding off his sweats, stashing his glasses in his side pocket. Namjoons length is just standing straight up, damn near laying flat against his stomach and you straight up moan, mouth-watering at the sight alone. A pleased hum leaves those plump lips of his as he shuffles back onto the bed. Kissing and licking his way up the back of your thighs until he reaches your ass, straddling your hips. 

Palm rubbing at the swell of your ass before smacking it, lightly at first, and your hip twitches you actually have the nerve to giggle. “That all daddy’s go-fuck” Another. Scream. Literally. Scream as he reels back even harder than he did earlier, just keeping his hand intact too, wanting you to feel the trob, the ache, radiating off his palm to your ass. 

“Hmm what was that baby?” Leaning down to spread your cheeks apart, just blowing a trail, against your pussy, watching the way your hole clenches from that alone. “Always so fuckin wet and ready for me…” 

He groans and you, arch your back, even more, moaning out slightly at the contrast hitting your skin. Bracing both hands on your ass and he can hear your breathing shutter in your chest, already anticipating the first drag of his tongue. Dipping one thumb over you rim, just circling it gently, feeling you jerk at the sensation, no matter how light, fuck your still so damn sensitive. That will never stop amazing him, it’s been almost 8 years. Yet you still react like it’s the first time he’s ever touched you like he’s still helping you explore new places along your own body! Namjoon leans forward, nipping, licking, and sucking, open mouth kisses, against the backs of your thighs, before leaning down to kiss your clit. Tongue and all, sucking it straight into his mouth, moaning out deep and strong around the bud. Inhaling slowly as if he's breathing you in and your knees already start to buckle,  nails clenching around the sheets. 

A broken moan of his name being muffled into the fabric, as he rolls his tongue in deep, languid strokes up and down your folds, licking from front to back. Your wetness is already painted all over his face and he wouldn’t have it any other way, as he continuously, maliciously sucks down on your clit, gently grazing the skin between his teeth just enough to make you squirm. Bringing his tongue to lather over your rim and he feels how hard you start shaking, sliding in two fingers into your heat, knuckles deep at the exact moment he slips his tongue past your rim. The vision that is you, open, needy, and whiney, on all fours...is driving your husband absolutely insane! How quickly you’re falling apart, knees spreading even wider to give him all the access he needs to do with you as he pleases. 

“Yeah..” You sign, blissed out of you goddamn mind ‘Fuck”

Your voice drips in the whiniest tinge of need imaginable like you’ve been aching for this, and the sounds richotect straight off your tongue and into Namjon’s lap! Your chest drops forward, letting Namjoon essentially all support your weight, as his tongue dives in even deeper, while continuously fucking you open with his fingers, he’s already added a third one. Mind completely spinning at how hard your clenching around all three of his fingers, cock throbbing at how good you’ll feel around him soon enough. You feel him pull back to spit right along your rim, watching it drizzle down toward your clit, he picks the trail up with his tongue and leads it where he wants it to go. Namjoon moans out, low, and content as he really starts to eat you out your tongue and fingers working your pussy open until your voice hitches in your throat and shatters. Ripping, a long drawn out whimper to leave your throat.

“That feel good?” He murmurs low and taunting, and you can’t help but roll your eyes, as if he can’t physically tell he feels good.

“I’ve had better”

He bites your cheek playful, a snort leaving his lips “Fuckin same..” slurs out against the swell of your ass and you can’t help but cackle.

“Fuck, I bet you have now, stop talking and get your fucking tongue back in ME!!” Bossy as ever, damn near pushing his head down and he reaches up, biting the side of your hand forcing you to stop. 

“How about my cock instead?” Leaning back to smack his length aginst your ass a couple times, letting you feel how hard and ready he is. 

“Yeah! God yeah, fuck yeah! Gimme! In me now! Fuck me!!” All your prior teasing is gone, just the mention of his cock has you needy and clenching painfully hard around his fingers, while also simultaneously rutting back against them as if you don’t want him to pull out. Pulling his fingers out slowly. Curling them upwards, purposely coating his fingers in your arousal to use to lather his cock which is so hard right now it’s almost painful. 

“Daddy” Wiggling your offensively empty ass in his face, making him chuckle, and smack it lightly. before gripping your thigh and flipping you onto your back with such ease it was almost offensive. 

“Nam-”

“Fuck off” Leaning down and stealing your breath and sarcasm away with a deep kiss “I wanna see my baby..” Lining himself up to your entrance, you exhale softly against his mouth as the blunt head of his cock breaches your entrance. Hiking your leg around Namjoon’s waist to make him slide in even deeper.

“Yeah, fuck” 

“I hope you don’t think…” Shifting forward wiggly his hips a little, giving you half a second to adjust to how fucking big this man is! “We’re about to make love or some shit, because I’m about to break your ass..” There’s just as much of a smile as there is a dangerous edge to your husband’s voice, that has you beaming up at him. Before you even had time to think of a response he was snapping his hips forward hard enough to have the two of you scooting up the bed a little.

Namjoon, propped your leg even higher over his shoulder, as he snapped his hips forward again, even harder this time. You moaned out, and scurried to grab onto your husband’s neck to anchor yourself as he fucked into you hard and fast, you tried to arch and fuck him back but it was hard with how intense he was pounding into you! 

“Oh my godddd” You drawled out, eyes rolling to the back of your head.

“Yup, Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been called that, in this position.....” You could hear the smile in his voice as he continued fucking you like he was trying to split you open with his cock. Nails clawing into his back hard enough to break skin! 

You could’ve just laid there and took, it because fuck if it wasn’t good, but that’s not the mood you were in at the moment. So you dropped your leg from his shoulder and wrapped them both around his waist. Tipping your hips forward, clenching down hard around his cock as you started grinding your hips against him. Fucking him back the same way he was giving it to you. Hard and smooth.. 

“Y/n” He half growled half whined as you smiled up at him, something wicked, releasing your hold around his cock only to clench down even harder. He groans in what seemed like frustration reached down to smack pinch your clit between his fingers hard enough to make you cry out his name. Arching forward even harder. 

“Yeah, daddy like that, fuck.Me.just like that” you were breathless but the sass was clear as day, a slight chuckle leaving your throat. 

“Fuckin brat!” Reaching down with the same hand that was on your clit, wrapping it around your windpipe, adding just enough pressure to have your eyes rolling to the back off your head. The added stimulation throwing off your rhythm a little but you didn’t care, he had you…

“Yesss,yes, fuck!” His tattooed chest was flushed and covered in sweat as you continued fucking back against his cock, which was warm and continuously pulsing side of you. Filling you up and sliding completely out every single time. Your hole twitched painfully hard as the two of you worked in sync thrusting against each other in a smooth yet malicious rhythm, the sound of skin slapping you moaning, Namjoon grunting... 

Fuck an edible arrangement maybe the two of you should treat your neighbors to a spa weekend or something because they damn sure aren’t sleeping right now! 

“Ya know, if you would’ve came to bed earlier” He panted right into the side of your ear, still rolling his hips into you “I could’ve fucked you, came inside you” Leaning down to lick up the side of your jaw  “Licked all, of my come out of you, and then” Pulling back and snapping his hips up even sharper, as if to accentuate every word “Fucked.You.All.Over.-Fuck-Again” Every thrust had the wind being knocked out of your chest  “ But now..we don’t have tim-” 

Reaching up to twist his nipple between the tip of your nail, kneeing him in the stomach just enough to make his hips stutter and have him shuffling back so you can push him onto his back which he falls to willingly. That is, until you literally bounced down onto his dick, damn near gagging in the process he feels so deep in this angle. Almost tempted to feel up your sternum and see if he’s poking through. 

“You little bitch” Chokes from his throat with a stated smile the tones playful and airy, digging his nails into your ass, letting out an involuntary gasp as he rolls his hips up. Only for you to start rolling your hips back, again, and again, and again, in deep, slow, circles, switching up the pace a little from what it was before. Making sure your clit grazes against his pelvic bone every time.

“Yeah, fuck you” Your breathless, and tired, but you can’t help but smile at how completly fucked out he looks right now, eyes barley ajar, jaw tight, he looks so damn good! 

“Yeah, yeah, fuck daddy baby..fuck me..” It’s clear he’s only egging you on but fuck if it’s not working,he sounds down right sinful as you ride him. His moans are deep, loud, almost needy, at every roll your hips make, and it’s intoxicating! Reaching up and grabbing you down by your neck , licking his way back into our mouth, his grip is strong enough to without a doubt leave a bruise. Both of you moaning out pleased and needy as you start slamming your hips down meeting his upwards thrust. Instantly matching the pace he’d set. Namjoon pulls back, and slips three fingers into your mouth, hitting the back of your throat to make you gag a little. Exchanging the grip he held on your neck for the back of your hair, as he brings his other hand down between your bodies to play with your clit, before licking his way back into your mouth.Feeling the way your thighs start to shake as you cry out against his tongue barely able to kiss him back at this point . 

“Your fuckin close baby, your pussy’s just screamig around me..” He’s breathless, not even trying to hide it anymore, voice horse and dripping with arousal. “Goddamnn I love you…” You clench so damn hard around him at that..I actually don't think anything turns you on more than hearing your husband say that. Especially sounding all fucked out and needy.

“Love you too baby..so fuckin much… “

“Good”  He chuckled low and dark agaisnt your lips “Now come, all over my cock like a good girl”  Fucking into you faster and harder, hand still rubbing blunt circles around your clit, tightening the grip he holds on your hair until your roots burn  “Y/n , baby, my baby, come for me, come for daddy...” 

It only took a few more thrusts before your orgasm ripped through you and you were crying out your husband's name, body spasming on top of him. Yet you still didn't stop rutting against him until he came in. You couldn't, you needed to feel it, body running away from him just as much as it was running towards him! You can feel how hard your clenching and its involnaty this time,so he reaches up with both hands rolling your hips against him one more time before slamming you down onto his cock. Just holding you in place while you continue to pulse around him, body shattering to pieces.

“Namjoonnnn fuck-fuck-fuck-” He grounds you agaisnt his cock as he jerks his hips up hard and fast, eyes squezzing shut, neck arching off the pillow, as his relase washed over him. A long drawn out moan of your name slipped off his tongue as he came, hard, hips stilling making sure to fill you to the brim, until he's sure he released every last drop he had to give..His own body shuttering in ovesentivty at this point. Namjoons fingers slowly soothed up your thighs, both of you panting painfully hard, wincing at the contact as you continue pulsing around him. Eyes locked in a half lidded gaze, a smile that started on your lips and ended on his as the two of you racked over each other's forms, hot sweaty, marked up, and fucked out. 

“Namjoon” You finally say, breaking the silence, a slight moan hanging off your tongue and he smiled back at you, reaching up to grip the back of your neck.

“Y/n” Parroting your name with the same lust filled drawl that you had, making you moan…

Nam-fucking-Joon” Leaning down to place a firm kiss to his lips, humming out instanly at the contact.

“Y/n Kim….” 

“Yup, that’s me!” Smiling out tired and dazed against his lips, while you felt his hand soothe up and down the curve of your back. 

“I love you”

“And, I love you” 

The two of you laid there like that for a moment, until his cock was completely soft and he gently slid out, still keeping you flush against his chest….just sitting in comfortable silence, breathing together..until..

“ Oww!! What the fuck was that for ?!” Your poor ass...at least it’s a pinch and not a smack this time...

“I mean it. I love what we do and I know sometimes realistically it happens there are only so many hours in a day I understand that. We wouldn’t be where we are if we didin’t work our asses off! But you’ve been doing this and running on fumes all damn week! I’ve just been watching from afar and keeping my mouth shut, hoping that you would sort it out yourself but I couldn’t watch you burn yourself into the ground anymore. Y/n. I’m serious! “

You can feel the weight behind his words, the way his heart seems to be beating harder now than it was when the two of you were having sex. 

So you lean down to press a kiss on his lips that almost seems far too delicate and out of place for what just happened only moments prior.

“I know.” 

Namjoon holds your gaze for a second longer before cupping the side of your face and kissing you firm and sweet, smiling against your lips once he feels you sigh into it. Hesitantly he pulls away and heads towards the bathroom and he already hears you whine in protest. Just flagging his hand in your direction, not even bothering to turn around.

 “We literally have a 9 AM flight and an 11:30 business meeting at the Plaza! Meaning, you have to be dressed and fully ready when we hop on the plane. Your fuckin showering..now. I don’t wanna hear it. ” 

Honestly, you were far too tired to protest and the tone of his voice let you know you wouldn’t win anyway!  So I mean, fuck, at least there’s a bench in the shower! 

“Ugh, fuck, fine! Come carry me! I have to preserve my energy to walk in my Louboutins tomorrow!!!” Making grabby hands in his direction knowing damn well he can’t deny you anything. 

“You mean today!” You heard his voice echo off the tiles and hoenstly he seems far to chipper to remind you have of, which only makes you whine even louder! 

Heading back out the bathroom with a smirk on his face, shaking his head in dismay as he scoops you effortlessly into his arms. “Come here you little brat!” 

“Your brat!” You fire back, with nothing but smugness rolling off your tongue as you loop your arms around his neck, kissing his dimple.

“Fuck yeah you are, my brat, my wife, my fuckin baby” Inviting his tongue back into your mouth as he leads the two of you back into the bathroom! 

The two of you moved together lazily whilst in the shower, taking turns washing each other, slow touches and kisses. Murmuring sweet nothings mixed in with business because though you tried to leave work at work...sometimes it’s impossible! 

Not even bothering to look at the clock once you finally melted into your bed, honestly, you didn’t even wanna know. 

~~~

 Far too soon the sound of all 6 of your alarms went off, ya know, the “Okay I should get up but I don’t have to get up” All the way to the “Fuck, I’m late!” Alarm! They all went off until you found yourself practically being scraped off the floor and led into the guest room that the two of you converted into an additional closet and a place for you to get ready in peace! 

Sitting down, Starbucks in hand as you set out to beat your face, do your hair and try not to look like you stayed up until 1 am then got fucked into the mattress until you damn near cried! 

The Starbucks was curiosity of Taehyung who had keys and free reign to your apartment whenever we felt so inclined. The redhead welcomed himself into your space, waltzing over in your direction with an all-knowing smile on his face. Ducking down to leave a slow lingering, open mouthed kiss along the one mark on your shoulder you apparently forgot to cover this morning. You can feel him smirking against your skin,as he pulls back to flop down on the pink furry chair currently covered in rejected outfit choices. Trying to force yourself to ignore the sudden chill that rang through your body because you didin’t have the time or the engery for anything else. 

‘Why aren’t you wearing this? Your ass looks fuckin great in this!” Holding up a black halterneck Jumpsuit, brows furrowed in the center of his face.

“I know, but, it needs to be steamed and I don’t have the time..” A feigned pout playing on your lips as you batted your lashes at him through the mirror. Watching as he slid off the chair, with an exasperated huff, eyes rolling to the back of his head more times than you can count. Heading towards the steamer you had hanging along one of your many clothes racks.  

“Thank you, baby!!” Blowing him a kiss that he swatted away in the process! 

“Yeah, yeah! Soo I see someone was impatient and went through the resumes last night…At fuckin midnight!” Eyes glaring in your direction, you could hear the frown in his voice. “Y/n-“

“Don’t!” Eyes narrowing in his direction through the mirror “Daddy Joon already got in my ass enough about last night for all of you!” 

 “As he fuckin should! That’s what you have me for baby, so you aren’t doing that shit to yourself anymore!” You can tell he’s trying to sound authoritative but instead, he just sounds sad and equally disappointed!”

“I know, Tae, I know, I’m fuckin workin’ on it!.” Your delivery comes out a little sharper than you intended but he’s known you far too long to take it personally or even fully acknowledge it honestly! 

“Speaking of, I actually met this kid, not fully a kid he’s like 21, but anyway he just graduated from USC, for some sort of Film. I actually ran into him at Starbucks today and he’s supposed to be sending me his resume and some video reels in a little while.” 

A low hum ringing in the back of your throat, far too focused on carving out your brows to talk...but he took that as a hint to continue. 

“His name is Jungkook, he seems somewhat promising just from talking to him, so, I’ll feel it out and if it seems worth your time I’ll forward over his information! I’m also going to try and set up a couple of interviews for you and Joonie next week!” 

Offering a faint nod in response, still far too focused on your makeup to give much else, or realize the sudden fire burning in Taehyung's eyes as he watches you get ready. Silk robe hanging loosely off your frame, a pair of white lace panties peeking out...

“What time were the two of you trying to get dropped off at the airport?” The sudden shift in conversation, and the blatant octave change had your eyes meeting him through the mirror. Trying to feel out his mood…

“In the next hour or so…” Then there’s Namjoon, standing in the doorway wearing nothing but his dress pants, an unbuttoned silk shirt, and a smirk that screams nothing but trouble. 

“Come’re” The bass in Namjoon’s voice alone has chills running down your spine, a second away from shifting out of your seat until you realize he’s not talking to you. Flicking his finger in the redhead’s direction, edging him off the wall slowly. Biting his lip as he sways coyly in your husband’s direction. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THAT’S ALL SHE WROTE! FOR NOW, IF YOU LIKED IT.. ,SHOW THIS SOME LOVE AND I’LL CONSIDER ADDING TO IT!  I DID MAP OUT THE FIRST 3 CHAPTERS LAST YEAR WHEN I STARTED THIS BUT I DIDN’T PHYSICALLY WRITE THEM! BTW I KNOW I DIDIN’T MENTIONED ALL OF THEM, BUT ALL O BTS MINUS KOOK WORK FOR THE OC AND NAMJOON!

MASTER LIST 

[kytcordell]

Why Do I Create?

Compulsion

I cannot stop creating.

In fact, I’ve tried--multiple times. There have been so many occasions on which the frustration and self-loathing associated with creative pursuits was psychologically crippling to the point where I did try and stop. But I never stopped inventing stories in my mind. I never stopped creating characters. I never stopped following artists I liked, basking in distant envy at the skills I believed I could never attain.

It has taken me a lifetime to really distill the true reason behind why I create. As much I would like to say that I’ve “always just loved drawing and expressing myself,” this simply wouldn’t be true nor an accurate representation of the relationship I have with art. At this point, I’m not sure if the word “passion” or “love” quite captures why I create. I would describe it more as a feverish need--a compulsion. I actually don’t even quite see myself as the “owner” of my works or ideas, but rather, as the vessel which serves them. Every ounce effort I put toward creative endeavors is a means of honing myself into a more suitable vehicle for delivering ideas into being.

For most of my life, I had an extremely pathological and maladaptive sense of self that resulted from nearly 26 years of physical and psychological abuse. It took me a long time to even recognize that what happened to me was in fact abuse. I used to shy away from the word because it seemed too self-pitying and dramatic. It still sometimes feels that way, despite the fact I objectively know that if anyone (let alone a parent) ever pulled a knife on me now, I would call the police without a second thought.

I won’t go too much into the details of what happened because it isn’t really worth delving into. But I was essentially raised as if I were an investment fund and not a person. My entire purpose was to be useful so my mother could stop having responsibilities of any kind. I was not raised with own personal well-being and future stability in mind. This meant that a non-lucrative career was unacceptable. My art was ever only appreciated in the context of bragging rights or winning awards. This of course, manifested in my relationship with creative pursuits.

Narcissism

My adolescent motivations for drawing were fueled mostly by pure, unadulterated narcissism.

I drew semi-seriously throughout high school. By that, I mean I quickly figured out what kinds of skills were considered impressive for that age group and did well at shows and competitions. I wanted to feel superior and adored at any cost, and while I embodied the external talking points of “being humble, always learning, etc.” deep down, I clung to the idea that I was better than everyone else. I couldn’t handle critique emotionally, despite acting receptive. I was completely consumed by the idea of being some kind of perfect, “talented” golden child.

I managed to get very good at copying photos and rendering, while neglecting all the skills that contribute to being able to design characters or draw from imagination. I didn’t really pursue art with any real level of personalized focus. I just liked feeling like I was better than people and knew more than the other kids. Honestly, every single aspect of my life revolved around this mentality.

I held onto the idea of “being good” as a trophy because that was the only mode of thought that my psyche could accept. It was easier to embrace narcissism and even just accept being a shallow social climber than to face the far more harrowing truth:

That I was afraid I’d never have the skills to manifest my ideas.

In fact, I talked myself into believing for ages that I didn’t care that much about my ideas. They would never amount to anything. And having self-indulgent, non-utilitarian attachments to my stories and OCs felt like a weakness. I needed to rationalize my own shortcomings with a guise of indifference.

Revererence

I stopped drawing for about seven years after high school. And even during high school, I didn’t do anything that remotely resembles the kind of ‘grind’ that I’ve put myself through the last 2.5 years. Frankly, I’m amazed I got as far as I did even with being a human copy machine that produced lifeless 1:1 images of candles. With each year I passed, I grew increasingly uncomfortable with the fact I always knew deep down--I just wasn’t that good. I mean, I was pretty good for a guy in high school. But my holistic sense of composition, invention, and execution was near non-existent. I went through a few attempts of returning to art, only to be so overwhelmed with my own incompetence that I would just go back to the “I don’t care that much about art” script I had gotten so good at conning myself into.

It was not until I had a complete mental breakdown due to my psychotic cunt of a mother threatening my safety and sanity that my long-con finally broke. I had a moment where I just accepted that I had no fundamentals, my skills were trash, and most of all--I was not okay with them being trash. From that point, I started desperately seeking out resources and practicing to improve. Receiving criticism (while I really appreciated it objectively) was psychologically devastating to me. Every single imperfection was a reminder of “lost time” and the years I had spent lying to myself.

It wasn’t until I discovered Loomis, Hampton, Draw-a-Box, Proko, and many other reputable art resources that I managed to start hitting the pavement and making the kind of gains I wanted. I drew sometimes for 12-16 hours a day even while I was homeless and living on a friend’s couch due to having to flee my home at the time.  Through all of this, I shed all my notions of “being talented” or needing to delude myself into feeling like I was good. No, I was dogshit and I needed to do something about. I think the biggest hurdle people face when trying to get good at anything is accepting that they are bad. You cannot improve until you fully and wholeheartedly accept that you have problems that need fixing.

I went from approaching things from a place of narcissism to a place of reverence. A lot of what instilled this change in me was observing people that I admire. Those that are highly competent (in any craft) tend to be realistic and humble about their shortcomings. The very process of attaining mastery forces you to realize that there is an infinite scale of improvement. This isn’t to say that people who are good can’t also get full of themselves. But at least among the individuals I gravitate towards, there is a general sense of reverence and genuine modesty. On the other hand, people who are mediocre frequently have very large egos. Unfortunately, there is a lot egotistical, irrational, whiny-bitch anti-progress behavior that is prevalent in art circles. I realized just how cancerous conceit and ego could be. It had destroyed my progress for years and I was watching complete hacks insist they were gods atop mount stupid. It was truly the Dunning-Krueger effect in action.

Many of the people I encountered in the art community early on were pretty mediocre and had a terrible sense of fundamentals. Again, this would be fine if they didn’t insist on acting like experts on the topic. (Plenty of people draw for fun and don’t care about being good and there is nothing wrong with purely pursuing something for leisure.) However, I unfortunately ran into quite a few extremely petty people had no idea of how to actually get good at anything, and were annoyed at the fact I had prioritized working on fundamentals. People that I engaged in good faith soon attempted to derail conversations and questions I had about technique and improvement. Crabs in a bucket bullshit, really.

Anyone knows me also knows that I have no tolerance for bullshit or “UwU bitches” making “it’s my style” excuses for being technically incompetent. (Which isn’t to say accuracy is always more important than style, but using “style” or “aesthetic” as an excuse for a lack of skill or competence is extremely common among mediocre artists). Likewise, I also encountered people who manifested narcissism in the opposite direction. The opposite of the “it’s muh style” camp were people who endlessly liked to talk about theoretical technical knowledge. Sometimes they were good at one skillset or another, but generally lack any kind of concept or actual artistic vision. It was like they had lost sight of expression goals in favor of shit talking and dropping advanced art vocabulary.

I realized that no amount of shit-talk, posturing, or external validation was going to make me good at art. I always knew that, but watching people descend into the abyss of self-sabotage just reminded me what was at stake. I would rather never “feel” like I was superior than run the risk of delusional overconfidence. Likewise, I broke out of the trap of thinking technical skill could somehow compensate for a lack of good ideas or artistic vision. Nothing matters more than the clarity of expression, and skill is but a conduit for said expression. I would rather feel eternally small and striving for a forlorn dream than run the risk of being 10 years down the road cranking out trashy, vapid content while thinking I’m some kind of omnipotent art god.

I draw because I cannot stop. It’s like being touched by fire that you cannot quell or erase. I work to improve because I want to depict my stories and characters with the finesse, nuance, and artistry that I admire in so many others. I truly feel there is no point in pursuing art seriously if you do not have a voice, a “vision” for why you create. Looking back, the motivation that kept me going through the hardest struggles was the desire to succeed in communicating my stories and concepts. I am but an acolyte eternally striving for even a brief glimpse of an ephemeral muse.

[fenfyre]

imagine there being 3 different versions of Jean + one horny bottom Eren bye

Eren hadn’t expected this to work, this crazy plan born of horny desperation and one too many nights spent in his father’s library. He’d been involved in Grisha’s studies for long enough to know what kinds of different creatures tended to lurk in the dark and which ones could be called upon for favours if only the offer was right.

Of course he could have just asked Jean out and tried this the right way. But honestly … summoning a demon from the depths of hell to do his bidding seemed much easier than approaching his friend with such a proposition aside from being way more likely to work. Better to get this out of his system once and for all than to continue suffering and pining.

Or at least that had been his plan when he drew the summoning circle and called out the chant written down in the thick book he was using. He thought it was a desperate attempt doomed to fail … until the summoned creature actually did materialize right in front of him. Not only that, it was the spitting image of Jean, from the neatly buttoned waistcoat to the tousled sweep of blond hair. The only difference were the creature’s eyes, warm caramel turning to a sickly yellow when it looked at him.

“Eren Jäger”, it said and Eren felt his blood run cold at the sly sound of that voice he knew so well. It shouldn’t know his name, shouldn’t hold the power that came with it and yet…

He swallowed hard, reminded himself who was in control. The demon was still standing in the summoning circle and couldn’t step out of it without Eren’s consent. He had to lead these negotiations with confidence and show no weakness if he wanted his price.

“I summoned you here to be of service to me”, he said, his voice coming out strong and decisive even when his heart was leaping up into his throat with every word.

The demon smirked, just like Jean tended to do when he was feeling superior, and slowly shook his head.

“You summoned me because you’re a horny bitch who likes to mess with powers he can’t even begin to understand.”

The smirk grew into a grin as the creature stepped forward, right across the border of the circle Eren had drawn to keep it contained. Icy fear spread through Eren’s abdomen and spiked into his veins, leaving him unable to even step back as terror rooted him to the wooden floors of the library.

As the thing wearing Jean’s appearance stepped closer two more shapes split from it, wafting shadows for a moment until they, too, took the form of his friend. Eren swallowed.

Something had gone horribly, horribly wrong. If this wasn’t the entity he meant to summon he had no idea what this creature even was or how to safely contain it, how to send it back to where it came from. And with the cold fear slowing his thoughts he couldn’t even think of his next steps, had no plan at the ready where to go from here.

“But since you were dumb enough to free me…”, the creature standing in the middle said as the ones to his sides reached out for Eren, grabbing his arms with cold hands as if to keep him from running away, “I might as well give you what you wanted.”

Eren gasped out a pathetic noise when the Jean in front of him reached out with one hand to grab his jaw not too gently, his skin just as cold as he stepped close to tower over Eren. Jean being taller than him had only ever annoyed him a little, not caused a deep, primal terror to stir as in that very moment when sickly yellow eyes leaned close.

“Call it a favour … free of charge.”

The creature crashed its mouth against Eren’s, tongue tasting of smoke and ashes as it forced its way inside. And even though Eren knew Jean would taste differently, that he would kiss Eren differently, the feeling of those chapped lips against his was still the same as he had imagined for the last few months. The longing being so close to Jean caused was still the same.

One of the hands wrapped around his arm wandered lower, popping open the buttons of his jeans without preamble. When he squirmed, trying to free himself, he felt teeth against his earlobe and that tongue licking deeper into his mouth.

“Hold still, Eren”, Jean’s voice whispered, so low and hot and intimate it made goosebumps prickle along Eren’s arms. “You don’t want to refuse my gift.”

The rational part of his mind knew that this was crazy, that he should never submit to a demon like this. But he also knew he had no other realistic options of getting out of this.

What was he to do when there was no way of fighting back against his captor?

Besides … he already felt himself stiffening when a hand was roughly shoved into his pants, wrapping around him to give him a few tight strokes. A desperate, thrilled part of Eren’s mind was aware that these were Jean’s hands, this was what it would feel like if Jean…

“What a good little Hunter”, the creature purred and Eren couldn’t help but shiver at the praise in Jean’s voice. Maybe this wasn’t too bad?

Yes, he had just freed a creature of unknown power and motivation but … at least he’d get what he wanted? And then not just one Jean to have his way with him but three? He might as well enjoy what the creature offered him now and plan its capture come morning … or however long it would take three Jeans to sate themselves with his body.

~

Commissions | Kofi | AO3 | twitter | pillowfort

[maikatc]

Black Sun Tale | Bread and Water

Remember that this is only a first draft with minor edits, but have fun reading! Comments and reception is greatly appreciated! --- “What I came up with today? Uh…,” Flipped some pages, “I came up with two new characters earlier?”

The city streets screeched with traffic noise and crowds chattering, smoke surrounding the air with a bar across the avenue. 

“Gabriel’s story’s kinda sad. He killed this guy named Wren, but they were like brothers.”

Off between two aged buildings, an alleyway poked out with barely any notice.

“He hates Zero- or Hiro now though. He’s the reason why Wren went crazy.”

The interior of the alley carried a scattered mess of blankets, journals, calendars, along with other miscellaneous things. Though a single journal stuck to being held, firm by the grasps of a boy. 

His sickly pale skin complemented his unkempt and grimy black hair. While his twig body shivered by the gentle cold. His boney fingers pointed at drawings from his one of many journals towards the girl next to him. “That’s Gabe when he got mad at Dannie after finding out.” His voice rasped. 

Observing the girl’s reaction, her expression perked to something of confusion. “How did Wren and Gabe get to that situation though?”

He rolled his eyes to the side. “I haven’t gotten that much into the backstory. But all I know is that they both got into a mess like Evie or Lucia.” Blinked twice. “It’s just that while Evie was mad at becoming a slave, Gabriel was mad because his entire life’s purpose was taken away from him… and he’s in denial about it being kinda his fault too.”

Her cocoa hair blocked the faces she made from the boy’s slouched position on the ground. However, she chirped up quickly enough. “Ayu, I’m really digging Gabriel right now.”

“Really,” Ayu questioned, sitting back up a little the process. “I thought he was kinda basic.”

“Yeah,” she turned her floor seat towards him, revealing her fair complexion made out of light makeup. “From what you told me so far. I’m guessing he’s being ignorant of his past mistakes completely and letting out all his anger to someone else, right? At least from what I can tell in this picture.”

“I guess so?”

“Okay, I didn’t screw up on reading the comic panel,” making a small clap with her hands. “That can be realistic if you do it right, but you can also mix in a theme with that-”

“Annette. No,” Ayu interrupted her. “When you talk about ‘theme’ and that stuff, I get more of a headache than every other minute of life,” he groaned. 

“Do you want me to get you some ibuprofens?”

“I’m fine.”

Annette nodded. “Well other than that, I still feel bad for Hiro,” she pouted. 

Ayu lifted a brow and eyed her. “He’s the one who trapped ten kids in a death maze.”

“But he’s trying to get better!”

He scoffed, “He still did bad things, that’s why Evie treated him like shit afterwards.”

“You’re the one giving him a redemption arc though?”

“I’m just trying to stay close to the original idea.” Ayu closed the book and chuck it to the side. “Even if I don’t really believe in it.”

Annette’s lips twitched. “He’s just trying to be a better person than before…”

“He was still a dick. Out of anything, you should be feeling bad for Wren.”

“How so?”

Ayu set his arms back. “He was lied to for most of his life and he only got killed in the end for having a different opinion, pretty much.”

“So, he’s pretty much a pity party?” Annette eyed him. Ayu already knew what she was telling with her expression. 

“No. He just go fucked over too much because of both Gabriel and Zero.” 

Annette rolled a shoulder, pulling back her hair in the process. “I guess I like all of them, anyways. I’m just still hoping you can pull it off well.” Her lashes fluttered in the dim lights. “Did you come up with Gabriel and Wren from your dreams again?”

Ayu hummed. “Kinda. I had a random dream last night where a guy shoots another guy with an arrow but gets sad about it. That’s how I got Wren’s death.”

“Anything else from it?”

“There was a bit more, but it’s blurry.”

“Any others dream while I haven’t been here,” She asked. 

Ayu blinked. “I just have that, some girl screwing herself over and getting her friend dead, then nothing.” 

Annette hesitated with her words. “No dreams of Lillie?”

Ayu paused, seeing Annette flinch from her own question. He buried his hands in his hoodie pockets and looked down. “… None of those.”

She apologized with her eyes narrowed. The area went silent for the two. A minute? Two? Ayu couldn’t tell. He could barely count with patience. 

“How long have you been here?”

“Huh? About an hour, I think…” She brought her phone to her view, checking the time. “God, we spent a lot of time goofing off.”

“You have homework, don’t you? You should go home, school’s tomorrow anyways.” 

“… Right.” Annette stood up, her tall figure looming before Ayu. A second of standing still, she face-palmed herself. “Oh god, I have three projects to do.”

“Then get on to it,” Ayu joked. 

“Yeah, yeah.” Annette grabbed back her already cleaned up board game and binder. “I’ll see you another time then.”

Before taking a turn back home, a “Bye” could be heard quietly over a car honking. 

Ayu studied the outside of the alleyway in silence. Every second brought a new face passing by, and it brought the reminder that no one noticed him staring. A child, a couple, a group of teens, they all went their own ways, not even taking a glance of something that’s nonexistent for them. 

The boy groaned, turning back and plopping his head to a pillow, gifted by Annette. As he slammed his body to the ground, the rough concrete hit him back. He winced like every other day when he fell over from exhaustion. Though, the routine of his ‘home’ was redundant. 

He muttered in his own silence, “Ow.”

At least he had a pillow unlike the first two years of four when living in the alleyway. 

Laying down, still and blank, Ayu sighed and grabbed his journal from the side again. He flipped through the thin paper, skimming past the art he made, and stopped at the next blank page. He crawled to grab the pencil he left on the other side of the alley earlier in the day, and crawled back to his pillow to write:

October 21st 201X

Came up with new caracters today, dont know what to do

Did noting else today, like usuel

I got a litle mad at Annette, probly was a bad idea

No monsters, No Akeldama

As Ayu moved his arms to store the book away, a voice halted him. 

“Looks like you’ll be having an insipid time again.”

Ayu jumped, sitting immediately and twisting his head around. Finding nothing, he sighed, “Speak of the Devil…” He then crossed out the note of ‘No Akeldama’ for the day. 

“Did you miss me from last time?”

Ayu leaned back to the rigid wall, conversing with the voice ringing across his head. “Just tell me what the hell is going on,” he groaned. 

“Oh child, you won’t be getting that anytime soon for sure,” The voice mocked him. 

“You’ve been telling that to me for how long?”

“I don’t know in all honestly, I’ve lost track of time after my first hundred years.”

Ayu leered at nothing. “Four years, Akeldama. Four years.”

“Ah right, you’re twelve now, correct?”

“Yeah. Turned twelve last June.” 

“Well, aside from that, have you met any new people?”

Ayu sighed. “I haven’t, luckily.”

“What a pity,” Akeldama sneered, “You were the kid that pouted about being lonely, yet once you get a friend, you don’t even want another one anymore.”

“Shut up.”

“You’re just a greedy brat.”

“What do you want now Akeldama?” Ayu’s mind raced quickly, his heart beating rapidly. 

“I was simply here to check if you were the same as before, which you are by the way,” he muttered. “Though I’m also here for something else on the matter of you.”

“Dear god, what now?” 

“Funny calling me ‘god’,” he chuckled, “but I think you’ll soon meet somebody you’ll get along with.”

“Wait…,” Ayu murmured. His eyes widened. “Akeldama don’t tell me-”

“You’ll be having fun for the next few months. I promise,” he reassured him. 

“You fucker,” Ayu yelled, slamming his fists onto the hard ground. Though, he brought both of them up immediately from the pain, gasping at the impact of the floor cracking. He held both tightly against one another as they both burned. 

“God, damn it Akeldama…”

No reply.

Ayu placed his head down into his knees and closed his eyes. His boney joints pressed against his forehead. Two deep breaths, then hold. 

He pulled his head back after seconds, groaning, “Why did I decide to go through with this…?”

Ayu’s eyes flutter back open as his stomach made a painful growl. 

“Right…” He clicked against his chapped lips. “When was the last time I ate?” 

The growl reminded him of the stomach pain from recent days, aching as he puckered. The pain bothered him, but Annette already left to his dismay. 

“I need to get food now then,” he muttered to himself. 

He hopped up from his sitting position, his bone-thin legs freezing up from the cold. Exiting the alleyway, Ayu turned to the grocery store route. 

He pulled up his hoodie quickly, his tired eyes being protected from the soft light. And he ventured out to treat himself to food and water rations.

*

A jug of water and a bag of bread, Ayu repeated to himself multiple times. 

The shop held multiple items to Ayu’s attention. Aisles carried shiny toys, colorful pencils and journals, to junk food and candy. Ayu stared at the chips bar, slurping up the slight drool dripping out of him. He shook his head. Bread and water. Bread and water. 

How long had it been for the boy to have a nice meal? When was the last time he had the sweets he loved?

Bread and water. 

When was his last chip binge? His coloring book sessions and playtime?

Stop being a bitch and get what you need already. He scolded in his head. 

He dashed to an unfamiliar aisle so his mind wouldn’t get dragged elsewhere. Stacks and piles of paper towels and toilet paper surrounded him through his short walk to the bakery. His head bobbed in a sigh that he didn’t need anything of such thanks to shop bathrooms and recreation center showers.

However, as soon as he exited the aisle, aromas of pastries and baked goods filled his senses. He ignored it since the shop’s goods were usually too sweet for him despite his tooth. Walking down, he read through the brands of bread, squinted his eyes to spell and read out some words himself. It was only until his found a decent bag of bread rolls did he go off to the drinks section. 

The sodas and fizzy pops caught eyes of most, though Ayu’s tongue had more of a distaste for it. He turned from the bright and dazzling colors to the row of water jugs. His memory of measurements buzzed in his mind, though not enough to remember how much a liter was compared to a gallon. 

After staring, his mind boggling on which was which, Ayu gave up and choose which one seemed like the largest. 

Ayu ended up carrying the bread rolls in one hand and the three-gallon jug of water with the other by his stick arms. He walked out of the aisle, closing in on the exit. 

He stepped with hesitant feet. His head twisted and turned to assure nobody near him. A single bump from someone else and he could be done for the day. 

He swept through the cashiers. His scattered gaze wandered through all of them left and right. But in a single heartbeat, his body already went passed them unlike his mind. 

Ayu sighed and took a step towards the store exit. His guilt cultivated him like every other time he’s done this. It’s better for me. Even if I don’t actually need it-

A grip of a hand pulled him back from leaving. Ayu’s heart froze as his breath started to stutter immediately. He turned slowly, and echo of a voice ringing loudly to him. I’m fucked. 

“Hey…” He saw the face of the one who grabbed him by the arm. He was around the same age as him, younger maybe, but shorter for sure. “Hey…” His light brown skin shined by the store’s lights along with the freckles dotted around his nose and cheeks. While his soft green eyes glared at him in confusion. His dark red hair was also a first for Ayu to see-

“Hey!” the kid repeated himself. Ayu blinked spastically, his breathing still frigid. “What are you doing with that?”

---

Ten Dollars | Next>>>

[screensirenfic]

Black Leather - Chapter 27

“If that little shit says code fucking red one more time; I swear I’m gonna—“

“Woah, woah, woah; Lo! Cool your jets.” Soothes Steve, though at this rate I’d settle at punching him unconscious.

If it wasn’t enough that I spent a weeks worth of pay checks on diced beef, because despite having a wallet that cost more than my entire wardrobe, someone forgot to bring his allowance; I now was having to deal with all the joys of working with a twelve year old boy.

Sorry; thirteen, as he keeps reminding me.

Thank god Eleven was a girl!

But at least we had some semblance of a plan now; Steve’s BMW parked in the woods at the start of our carnivorous crumb trail that would eventually lead to the junkyard.

Steve popped the trunk of his car; rubber gloves already on hands, because of course; the pretty boy couldn’t get his hands bloody.

The scent of blood and death was strong within; the result of nearly ten pounds worth of prized sirloin chopped in buckets, because according to the little shit; his ex-pet was a fussy eater.

Steve did the honours; hauling out two heaping buckets of meat which were already beginning to smell thanks to the heat of the car.

“Jesus, Lola; do we really need this much meat? He asked; his nose wrinkled in disgust.

Apparently I’d forgotten that a pampered trust fund teen like Steve probably never even had to wash dishes; let alone do any meal prep with raw meat.

“Shut up and unload the trunk.” I ordered; not willing to take any of his crap.

It had been his damn idea to put his faith in the wild imaginations of a thirteen year old, not mine.

I would’ve been more than happy to stay at Charlie’s and finish fixing Marty’s truck, then go out with Bil—

Shit! I’d almost forgot!

Billy would be coming to pick me up in a couple of hours, and I was currently about to start traipsing through mulch and animal shit, spreading the contents of a corpse with Steve and some weird kid.

Of all the fucking excuses I could be giving him; this one really took the whole damn pie!

Even if I did manage to make it back in time; he’d never believe me.

Not even when I stunk like a butchers shop and felt half as dead.

Steve was gonna fucking owe me for this—

“Lo; you still with me?” Steve asked; breaking through my mental rant to try and play the reasonable friend, and I wanted to fucking read him out, because I’d lost out on a good damn night for this and maybe even lost my chance at being with Billy for good; but fuck, Steve didn’t know that.

And I couldn’t blame him; not really.

“Nothing. Just forgot if I’d left the stove on.” I replied; the absurdity of that statement going straight over Steve’s pretty head as he pulled his rucksack out of the boot, alongside several cans of gasoline, unknowingly kindly donated by Charlie’s auto repairs.

Steve pulled out his nailbat; a post-apocalyptic beast of a thing that actually had belonged to Jonathan, before it was valiantly commandeered by Steve in the demogorgon attack last year.

Now it seemed the enigmatically named nailbat man was to make a reappearance; all for the sake of avenging some dumb kid’s cat and a half eaten candy bar.

I, however, liked to keep things more practical; having made time to stop home during our little errand to pick up a most vital supply.

I pulled out my dad’s sawn off shotgun from the trunk; making sure this baby was loaded with the finest buckshot, before cocking it.

Steve can wave round that little tennis racket as much as he liked; meanwhile I’d blow this bitch to smithereens with pure homegrown American lead.

Steve looked at it with a mixture of apprehension and awe, still not comfortable with me bringing a loaded weapon, despite me having learnt how to shoot before I could even drive.

He’d get over it.

Fuck; he might even be thankful once we bring this overgrown slug down without even breaking a sweat.

I let him slam the trunk closed, and by the sounds of it, E.T. was finally done phoning home; Dustin pushing down that ridiculous antenna at last, before the Venusians tried to contact us on it.

“You gonna actually help any time today kid, or is your plan just to play operator whilst we do the real work?” I queried; picking up the first of the heavy metal buckets in front of me.

“Alright, alright; hold your fucking horses. I’m coming.” The kid placated, and maybe I should’ve said something about the language, but then again; I wasn’t exactly a saint, and I wasn’t the kid’s mother, so why the fuck should I care?

Instead, I stood back as he picked up the lightest of the buckets, leaving the heaviest for Steve, but you know what; let him.

It was Steve’s damn sympathies that got us into this mess; so let’s see him feel so sympathetic when he’s done spreading meat for the next two hours.

———————————————————

So maybe playing pied piper to a B movie creature feature wasn’t as mind numbingly boring as I’d thought it would be.

I mean; the company was decent, me and Steve wasting the time away by playing twenty one questions and talking with the kid.

Think of it as community service; us near adults taking the time out from our busy lives to give back to the younger generation.

Of course; I’d also forgotten how blatantly dumb boys of the younger generation could be.

“All right; so let me get this straight...” Drawled the voice of Steve as he trailed behind keeping pace with the kid; after refusing to keep step with me.

It’s not my fault; really. He’d dropped a question on cannibalism on me, and I’d rose to the challenge beautifully; managing to both freak him out and educate him in one answer; a finer achievement than any teacher at Hawkins High had ever managed.

“You kept something dangerous in order to impress a girl... who you just met?” Steve asked with such incredulousness, you’d almost forget this is the same kid who took up football in freshman year just to impress Kathy Williams; an absolute disaster which ended with him getting tackled by a senior quarterback and him spending two weeks in Hawkins Med with a broken arm.

Still got that date with Kathy though.

“Alright; that’s grossly oversimplifying things...” The kid objected, because pigheaded stupidity was a primarily male trait with symptoms that included complete denial when it came to pursuing the fairer sex.

“I mean; why would a girl like some nasty slug anyway?” Steve asked; the question perfectly rational, but clearly absurd in the eyes of a thirteen year old.

“An interdimensional slug?! Because it’s awesome!” Dustin exclaimed, and I swear the nerd levels here were sweeping off the chart.

“Lola; would you like it if I showed you a slug?” Steve called ahead to me, finally breaking his selective silence to ask an actual female about their kind.

Still; didn’t mean I was gonna give him all the answers.

“I’m not going anywhere near you or your slug, Steve.” I retorted; still not managing to contain a chuckle. Yes; that was an innuendo, and Steve was probably rolling his eyes right now, but fuck; if I didn’t like winding him up.

“Well; even if she thought it was cool, which she didn’t... I... I just... I don’t know.” Steve reasoned with a sigh, forgoing all attempts to get me on side, because I was a petty bitch and still wasn’t quite over when he asked me about bra size.

“I just feel like you’re trying way too hard, man.” Steve confessed, chucking down another handful of meat with resigned indignation.

“Well; not everyone can have your perfect hair, alright...” Dustin griped, and I could barely contain my laughter, because was I the only one who fucking remembered?!

“Perfect?!” I scoffed; the word half hidden in a bout of laughter. “You should’ve seen him in the eighth grade! He looked like the fourth Beegee!” I exclaimed with thunderous laughter, because it was true; goddamnit!

Steve’s hair had been so goddamn hilarious, and just remembering it now brought back flashbacks of the Snow Ball; memories of crisp white suits straight out of Saturday Night Fever, and a much younger Steve Harrington busting a move on the dance floor like a barely pubescent John Travolta.

Steve didn’t find it funny, shooting me daggers that clearly said “shut the hell up”, despite the fact his embarrassment would only rile me up further.

“Anyway; it’s not about the hair...” He returned his attention to Dustin, clearly understanding that giving me evils was getting him nowhere.

“The key with girls is just... acting like you don’t care.” Steve bestowed his worldly piece of wisdom, and I could barely keep myself from rolling my eyes.

Yeah; because of course the girls liked Steve because he acted like a total douche, and not because they thought he was dumber than a sack of dirt and didn’t know any better.

The hair was a bonus though.

“Even if you do?” The kid asked innocently; and it was hard to believe that all twelve year olds took advice so easily.

“Yeah; exactly. It drives them nuts.” Steve said; and I had to stop them there.

This kid was no Steve Harrington and would probably end up dying alone if he followed Steve’s example.

Fuck; Steve might end up dying alone with a shovel to the back of the head if he kept pissing me off like this.

“Or he could just tell this girl how he actually feels, rather than acting all emotionally constipated about it; Steve...” I interrupted; offering an realistically sound piece of advice, which might end up with the girl actually liking the kid, rather than mistaking him for the douche of the century; who was clearly already walking among us.

“Don’t listen to her...” Steve dismissed my advice with a wave of the hand, and this time, I really did roll my eyes.

“Why? Because I’m a girl?” I countered smartly; as if sound logic ever meant more to Steve than macho grand standing.

“No; because you’re a psychopath...” Steve replies, tossing a handful of meat at me, as if I was a mischievous bitch that could be fended off with a scrap of food.

“Hey!” I exclaimed; nimbly leaping out of the line of fire before I could amass another interesting stain on my jacket.

“You know; I liked you better with your headphones on, Blondie...” Steve drawled; his attention fully averted from counsel giving, to our usually programmed showing of me and Steve acting like complete jackasses around each other.

“And I liked you better in Wham!; George...” I retorted; knowing how much Steve hated the smarmy pop band, despite Nancy’s insistence that they were gorgeous.

“Why don’t you come back here...” Steve began to bluster; picking up another handful of bloody meat with a mischievous smile on his face, but it was too late.

I was quicker than him, already dancing away further along the track, before slipping on my headphones; because despite being a slippery bitch, I was a good girl and sometimes decided to appease our noble king; if only for an easy time.

I hit play on my Walkman; happy to hear the starting notes of Heart Of Glass chiming into my ear canals.

I turned it up loud and proud to sing along; resolved that if Steve and the kid wanted boy time, they could have it, but I would be as much of a nuisance as possible.

“Once I had a love and it was a gas

Soon found out he had a heart of glass

Seemed like the real thing, only to find

Much of mistrust; love’s gone behind.”

[maxtothemax]

Forever - Annotations

Well, here’s the final installment of “Max makes dumb comments in Maximum Ride books” because I finally read Forever and god damn was it a trip. (Seriously, these comments are, dare I say, the funniest I have ever made.) Enjoy!

- This already feels, like, entirely separate from the rest of the series. Even the way the book jacket is designed. It’s odd.

- “I know what you want” Um, I kinda want this book to not exist in the first place

- Are you really assuming someone would pick up the 9th book w/o having at least read one other book in the series?? [By that point, it’s like, if you’re confused that’s your own fault bud]

- Explosives are really different from volcanoes, though!

- “The sulfur levels just tripled!” How does he know that??

- “We need to find Dylan” Why? He sucks!

- [about Dylan/Max romance] Jesus Christ. I thought we were over that.

- Y’know, this is kinda just making me sad for a variety of reasons

- That’s also just not how mutation works. [Later the weird mutant monsters were revealed to be cyborgs of some sort but. Still.]

- They’re all gonna die of infections

- [General comments about neglecting medical care, because I’m a realist and they should’ve all died from infections by now.]

- *The flock finds a laptop* Me, mockingly: “The cottage looked like it hadn’t been lived in in years!1!!!” :/

- “I know it makes no sense, but don’t question it” Just like everything else in this goddamn series

- This book is horribly depressing

- Why do I get the feeling this “mysterious young man” is Dylan [who supposedly died like 30 pages ago]

- The red-haired wonder strikes again

- Again, JP fails at coming up with good names (he named a character HORSEMAN) (it’s supposed to be like “horseman of the apocalypse” or whatever but STILL)

- He’s gonna get lung cancer

- “Iggy had always been so good at neutralizing tension” Bitch, where??

- Apparently we haven’t learned that splitting the flock is a bad idea :/

- [Misc. comments about “it can’t possibly have been two years since that thing happened in the series, what the fuck are you on, James”]

- Angel has actually been an eldritch abomination this whole time

- When has Fang ever been rational?

- ...and that’s how you get away with putting a sex scene in a YA book

- He’s going to get an infection and DIE

- Since when does Total actually bark??

- Oh come on. No one’s ever gone forever in this series.

- Weird smell?

- What, exactly, was the point of this?

- the FUCK?

- The worst thing is I know she’s not dead, and this whole subplot is just one big plot hole

- “I wondered if the bird had been ill or pull of poisonous chemicals” According to Rachel Carson’s Silent Spring, most birds are!

- “Life always managed to surprise you with child assassins at just the right moment.” I want that on a t-shirt

- “Pretty sure that’s not how evolution works” Hey. That’s my catchphrase.

- What, she’s just gonna pop up as a plot device and then disappear?

- It was a Catholic school, actually

- I’m pretty sure he’s not capable of flirting, but whatever

- “The Gasman is dead. The kid blew himself up” Lmao I wouldn’t be too sure about that

- Maybe shutting your eyes would work too?

- That’s not how that works!

- He can’t understand you, you fool

- “The poor guy couldn’t help it if he’d been programmed with the intellectual capabilities of a Tickle Me Elmo” That’s so mean but so fucking funny

- Max doesn’t ever learn from experience, I guess

- This is surreal and also pointless

- what even

- wHAT

- “It was Dylan” Called it

- “Jeb” BASTARD MAN

- “You bastard” mood

- FUCK

- FUCK

- Are you kidding me. None of this makes any narrative sense.

- “Dylan you saved our lives” “It’s what any of you would’ve done” ...no, it’s not, really

- As I keep reminding you: Fang did die that one time

- He DID die that time!!

- [Just a lot of me reminding everyone that Fang’s heart stopped for a whole five minutes three books ago]

- “Gazzy’s a lady-killer” Since when?? He’s nine

- ...Why didn’t any adults [aside from the evil ones] survive the apocalypse?

- “Max was their only chance at saving the world” Why?? She’s just one person!

- STOP BEING MEAN TO ARI [he’s dead for fuck’s sake, like for real this time]

- “...a prep school voice said from the doorway” What’s that supposed to mean?? What is a prep school voice??

- “Consider yourself judged” Me @ Dylan from the very beginning

- Everything in this book just makes me go “what the fuck” a little bit more each time

- Two! People! Can’t! Repopulate! The Earth!! That causes inbreeding, dumbass!

...and also mathematically it just doesn’t work like that

- “I’m pregnant.” [pregananant. pregante. pregonate. gregnant. prengan. pregnart. okay I’m done]

1. How in the fuck does she know that

2. Why was JP so desperate to reuse this shitty weird plot arc from The Lakehouse?

- Like, seriously. How old is Max by now? 16? 17?

TOO FUCKING YOUNG

- I’m so sick of hearing about Dylan’s eyes

- This is some weird shit, even for Maximum Ride

- [@ Dylan sacrificing himself to resurrect Fang] Jesus fucking Christ, dude

- So... no egg?

BONUS: my reaction to an ad in the back for the rest of the series that says “start anywhere, but you won’t be able to stop until you finish!”

YOU CAN’T JUST START ANYWHERE, YOU BUFFOON!

[laraslandlockedblues]

Ok actually I know the tags on my gif post I just did said I wasn’t sure when I’d be back, but I’m feeling strangely articulate tonight so here we go. Long-winded under the cut.

TL;DR - Real life is (and will continue to be) a busy bitch, a writer’s ego is a fragile thing, and my Lightning Struck series (Cullen/Evelyn) can now be considered on indefinite hiatus.

Hi! Yes, I’m alive and well and I really do appreciate the messages asking if I was all right and checking on me. You’re all too sweet and kind, and I’m so grateful for each and every one of you. Keep that in mind as this ramble continues, please.

This has been a weird year already, and it’s only March. Normally I’d be like “IT’S ALREADY MARCH?!” but no, this year...It’s only March. That’s how I’ve been feeling.

January started off with a weird mood for me. Over the holidays I had the usual  family stress and blahness that comes with adulthood, but a few fandom things happened too that put me into a rather...difficult headspace, shall we say. For one thing, I will say I’ve noticed I’m not the only one who’s pointed out that it feels like the fandom is dying. And it is. Which is sad. I feel like I only just got here - I’ve played DA for years but I only really started to interact with its fandom in late 2017, so for me it was still all fresh and new and exciting. Seeing that die down, compounded with the Tumblr wank, especially, was really disappointing.

As a creator, too, it was hard not to take that personally. It was hard not to take people moving on to other fandoms and interests and things as an indictment on my work. Rational brain knew that that was the problem, rational me knew that we were all just moving on because other things were catching our interest. It’s natural. But dumb, idiot writer brain was struggling with the fact that I was feeling like I was screaming into the void.

What bothered me more was that I even cared. I never once wanted to care about that. I always preach writing for oneself, and that’s why I write. But I hated  the fact that for a time I’d gotten so much feedback that I noticed its absence when it died down a little. And that’s not anyone’s fault, I’m not begging for comments or feedback, seriously. Again, rational me was shrugging and still wanted to write for me because it was fun and I enjoy it, but the fragile writer ego we all carry around inside us took a hit and began to doubt.

It stopped being fun. Especially because it wasn’t necessarily a total lack of feedback - it was, for me, a lack of feedback on what I was actually, currently working on. Over the holidays for some reason I began to get comments on WIPs that I hadn’t updated in ages - asking me for updates. Now, everyone has their own opinion on those sorts of comments, so this is only my own, and take it with a grain of salt and everything I just mentioned above.

It sucked. It absolutely, 100% sucked. Seeing the email notification that I got a comment would bring me so much joy - only to open it to see that it was a comment on something I hadn’t written for in a long time asking me when I’d feel like providing more content for that fic again. I began to feel like fic was a transaction and I was piling up debts. I started to feel like I owed fandom and readers what they wanted, instead of doing this for the reason I started in the first place - for myself.

I know that Rylen is niche. I know that fics that have very little to do with canon are niche. I know that Abby isn’t always super likable. I know that John is off-putting because he’s such a morally ambiguous OC who has nothing to do with DA and makes really shit decisions. I know all of that, and I’ve never expected any of those fics to get any sort of response, so the fact that they’ve gotten the response that they have still blows my mind and makes me insanely, insanely happy. And so I hated that I felt ungrateful, and that I was doubting my work, and that writing and fandom was beginning to feel like a labor and not something I loved.

The more I noticed I was struggling with working on updates, the more I started to think a break might be in order. When some RL stuff finally cropped up, the fact that I was sort of forced into a break was a blessing in disguise, to be honest. I leaned into the skid and let myself step back to reevaluate why I do this and what I want to get out of it. I fell into a new fandom and worked on random pieces of writing for it, which I threw into the voids of ao3 on a second account and only shared for myself and a few friends who were also falling into that fandom with me. I rediscovered the joy of writing and not caring what response I get. I reignited my love of crafting a story a certain way because I wanted to and not because I thought it was where anyone else thought it should go.

I remembered why I love writing in the first place - for myself.

And with that, I finally began to let go of some things, and let myself mull over decisions I’d been putting off or avoiding. I shrugged off the stress of expectation and “owing” anyone my time or effort, and I’m finally back to enjoying myself and my writing, free of doubt.

With that, I have some news, good and bad. The bad news first - my Cullen muse has left the building. I have waited, and hoped, and tried, but at some point he walked out the door and he hasn’t made an appearance since. That isn’t to say that I don’t still love his character or content about him, but personally, I can no longer write his POV or romance. The ability to do so has eluded me for months now, but I’ve accepted this sad truth at long last. Unless he’s trading banter with Rylen or Abby, his muse is no longer whispering in my ear. And that makes me sad, and for all I know he’ll reemerge some day, ready to help me write again. For now, though, that isn’t possible. Which does, unfortunately, mean that my Cullen/Evelyn WIPs are currently either abandoned or on an indefinite hiatus (I’ve tagged them appropriately on ao3 if you’re curious). If I do manage to return to them, I expect to only focus on Moments Passed and Miss Grey. As for what I’ll do about Beautiful Disaster...I’m not quite certain yet.

It did also mean that I was able to let go of something that had bothered me for a while as well. I’m almost positive no one noticed since it’s been kind of off radar for a while, but - my fic What Are the Odds has been orphaned. I’m still proud of it as a fic, but it came with a lot of baggage and my Cullen/Evelyn pairing was just ever so slightly OOC to the point that comments on it made me cringe. I’m a firm believer in not deleting, and so off to the fandom as an orphaned work it went, to be enjoyed without me having to be aware of it at all.

Now, the good news is - I do 100% still plan on writing Abby/Rylen. Their muses are still there and whispering to me, and I definitely want to continue working on the WIPs I have for them. At the moment After Rain might be slow to update (need to figure out how I’m navigating some canon plot to get me from point A to B to C to D and on). But I plan on trying to finish it as well as the others that I have for them. Abby/Ry live on, because I absolutely love them so much, and the idea of writing for them is back to bringing me joy.

I cannot make guarantees on update speed for the foreseeable future, possibly for the rest of the year. Currently RL continues to be a shitshow, as I was reminded today, and writing more than a sentence here or there has been difficult. In a few months I will also be moving, and once at my new destination I actually have a Big Project (a writing one I hope to be able to share here, if people are still around/Tumblr is still a thing) that I intend to make my full time focus. My goal has always been to be a writer, and while fanfic has been an amazing way to explore my writing style/storytelling/character voice, I have plans to get published. I’ll have a better opportunity to put those plans into realistic action later this year, which I’m actually really, insanely excited about.

If you have made it this far, THANK YOU. I love this fandom, and I’ve met so many wonderful, lovely, supportive, talented people in it and I have missed you all dearly during my time away. In no way was this a call out post directed at anyone in particular, and in no way was this a “woe is me, please give me attention” cry for help. I’ve just had a lot of thoughts and feelings during this break, and I actually wanted to sort of vocalize them because: 1) wow I already feel better after doing so, and 2) to let other writers know it’s 100% valid to need to take a break or occasionally get in your head about needing validation/feedback/wonder why we do this when it just feels like screaming into a fathomless void. It’s natural and normal and totally human, and if you’re feeling that way, find someone supportive to help you through and take a step back. Everything will be waiting there for you when you’re ready for it. And remember - do it for yourself because it’s something you enjoy.

xx

[havenoffandoms]

Keep the Nightmares Away

Pairing: Sam x Gabriel (Sabriel)

Summary: 

The main downside of being low on grace was the fact that Gabriel found himself in dire need of sleep. Killing Asmodeus had used up most of the archangel’s still very shaken and fragile grace, which now needed to recharge before he could plan his revenge on every single actor responsible for his years of imprisonment and torture.

Gabriel knew that he would enjoy the experience of sleeping a lot more if it did not involve nightmares.

Warnings: graphic description of sexual content, spoilers Season 13!!!

Notes: Hey guuuuys I’m back with a oneshot, yay. First Sabriel story, so please be kind to me. Oh, and no I never meant for it to turn into smut... woops, I guess. Enjoy!!

The main downside of being low on grace was the fact that Gabriel found himself in dire need of sleep. Killing Asmodeus had used up most of the archangel’s still very shaken and fragile grace, which now needed to recharge before he could plan his revenge on every single actor responsible for his years of imprisonment and torture.

Gabriel knew that he would enjoy the experience of sleeping a lot more if it did not involve nightmares.

The Winchesters had generously offered him a room to stay in for as long as he needed to. He knew that the two brothers saw it as advantageous to keep an archangel close by; you know, in case they needed his grace for another spell or something. Nope. Not this time, boys. As soon as Gabriel was better, he would leave the bunker of the Men of Letters and disappear for a while. Justice would be served, and those responsible for his suffering would be punished. They would all come to regret the day their paths had crossed that of archangel Gabriel.

Gabriel knew he was dreaming, almost as if he was in some cheesy Hollywood horror where the protagonists become self-aware. He knew he should not be walking through the dark forest in his dream, he knew that something terrible was waiting for him at the other end. The limbs of his vessels seemed to move without his consent, carrying him forward and deeper into the dense maze of tree trunks. An owl hooted high above his head hiding in the branches, while the distant howling of wolves could be heard over the deafening sound of souls being tortured. It was strange how his mind included those little details, making his dreams appear more realistic than was necessary.

Gabriel felt his stomach churn at the sight of a man in an all-too familiar white suit stepping out from between the trees, his greying beard and hair a painful reminder of the demon who had been the reason for his suffering for years. Even in his self-aware state, Gabriel could not help but feel dread and fear overwhelm him, gripping onto every rational thought forming in his mind and destroying them as easily as if they had been made of glass. Gabriel felt rooted to the ground. He had nowhere to run. He could not escape, no matter how hard he tried to make his muscles move. Asmodeus was coming closer and closer, producing a silver syringe from behind his back. Gabriel found himself slipping back into the state of panic where no sensible words could come out of his mouth; only cries, whimpers, hushed pleads… The archangel was begging for his life by the time the Prince of Hell was at eye-level with him. Asmodeus’ devilish grin only broadened when he brought his fingers up to Gabriel’s lips, touching them softly, almost like a lover relishing in the soft feeling of them.

“You are far too loud” he whispered in his southern drawl.

Gabriel felt his mouth being sewn shut as the needle pierced the flesh of his neck. The sound of him screaming was muffled, but he still felt the scratchy feeling at the back of his throat as he groaned in pain and terror at having to go through the whole process again. As Asmodeus pulled back, Gabriel could see the shiny blue glow of his grace in the vial attached to the syringe. Tears slipped past his eyelids and stained his face.

“You might as well die, Gabriel” Asmodeus cooed, as if speaking to a wounded animal, “it would be the most human thing to do. End your suffering… do you want me to kill you, Gabriel?”

Gabriel closed his eyes so he would not have to look Asmodeus in the eye, but his cruel laughter reached his ears no matter how hard he tried not to listen.

Wake up, Gabriel. Wake up, it’s just a dream. Gabriel….

OoO

“Gabriel, wake up! You are safe, I promise, just wake up”

Sam tried shaking the thrashing archangel, but he did not manage to keep a grab on him for too long. The younger Winchester had been pulled out of his peaceful sleep by Gabriel’s screams, and since Dean’s snoring almost rivalled the loud panicked sounds coming from the archangel’s room, Sam had concluded that his brother would not be of great help.

“Gabriel, wake up!” Sam snapped urgently, keeping a firm hold of Gabriel by grabbing his shoulders to restrict the archangel’s movements. Finally, beautiful golden eyes shot open and Sam’s heart broke when he saw the tears filling them. Only then did the younger Winchester notice the dampness of Gabriel’s cheeks and the red puffiness of his eyes. Sam wished he had been the one to kill Asmodeus for reducing this powerful angel warrior to this shaking, PTSD-ridden being.

“Sam?” Gabriel whispered in the dark, almost as if he did not believe the sight before him.

“You’re safe, okay? I’m here, he can’t hurt you anymore. You killed the bastard, Gabe. He’s gone”

Despite the words making sense to the archangel, Sam could see that Gabriel was not in the least reassured. The way his eyes darted around the room frantically, scanning for any potential threat to his life, testified of his uneasiness. Sam sighed heavily, shaking his head at what he was about to do. He pulled Gabriel close to his chest, gently pressing the archangel’s face into the crook of his neck. The smaller man instantly grabbed onto Sam’s t-shirt for dear life, sobbing pitifully. Sam felt hot tears fall on his shoulder and tenderly, he began brushing his fingers through Gabriel’s hair, shushing him now and again.

“It’s okay, you’re safe… don’t worry, Gabe, he can’t hurt you… you killed the son of a bitch… he got what he deserved, no one is going to mess with you anymore… not while I can help it, Gabe, I promise…”

The reassuring litany of words that came out of Sam’s mouth did not necessarily make much sense, but the sound of his voice seemed to soothe Gabriel, whose erratic sobbing gradually faded until no more than sniffling broke the silence in the room. Sam had unconsciously begun rocking the two of them side to side, humming ‘Hey Jude’ under his breath, just like Dean used to do when Sam was a child. Although the archangel seemed to have calmed down, he did not move away from the taller Winchester, instead resting his head on Sam’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry for waking you up, Samsquatch” the angel said, his old self filtering through as he used his favourite nickname for Sam, “you can leave now if you want. I think I slept enough for the night”

Despite the suggestion, Gabriel showed no incentive to move away from the comforting warmth of Sam’s body.

“I don’t mind staying. My room is quite cold, anyway”

Nothing was said after this for a while, the only perceptible sound being Dean’s snoring. At least one of them was resting peacefully, unbothered by the heavy burden of nightmares. Gabriel seemed glued to Sam, shifting closer to the taller man whenever his counterpart as much as shifted in the wrong direction. It became clear to Sam that he would not be returning to his room even if he tried. Therefore, he might as well get comfortable.

“Move for a sec Gabe, let’s get under the covers”

Gabriel reluctantly let go of his protector, looking like a distraught child whose favourite teddy had been taken away from him. Sam quickly slipped under the covers and opened his arms once again in a silent invitation, which Gabriel did not take long to accept. The archangel very nearly threw himself at the younger Winchester, his face impossibly close to Sam’s.

“I’ll get back at them, you know?” the archangel said just as Sam felt himself falling asleep.

“What do you mean?” the younger Winchester mumbled, his eyes closed.

“Everyone who had a part to play in my captivity… they are going to pay. I am not going to live in fear anymore”

At these words, Sam opened his eyes and stared into the golden depths of Gabriel’s irises. His eyebrow arched as he saw the pained, but determined expression on the archangel’s face.  

“Revenge, huh? That sounds awfully reckless…” Sam commented casually. Gabriel’s brows furrowed.

“They deserved it. All of them” The archangel’s voice broke, and Sam could see that he was close to tears again. Only this time, they seemed to be tears of rage. Gently, and quite unexpectedly too, Sam intertwined his fingers with Gabriel’s. The archangel’s attention focused on their interlaced hands, clearly taken aback by the gesture. When their eyes met again, a confused expression was plastered on Gabriel’s face.

“If revenge is what you’re after, just know that you will not be fighting any of them on your own”

The words were spoken with such sincerity that Sam saw Gabriel soften instantly at the tone the younger Winchester had used. A small smile even crept on the archangel’s lips as a small chuckle escaped him.

“What?” Sam asked curiously, unable to hold back a smirk of his own.

“You, Samsquatch. You are quite someone, you know? I’ve always had a soft spot for you”

Sam shifted closer to the archangel, his eyes dropping to Gabriel’s lips. He wondered if they tasted as sweet as the candy Gabriel always ate. As if reading his mind, the archangel’s smile turned smug. Calmly, Gabriel closed the gap between the two of them, pressing his mouth against the corner of Sam’s lips in a tentative kiss. Sam inhaled sharply at the gesture, feeling a pleasant warmth envelope his heart as his eyes fluttered shut.

“Cat got your tongue, sugar?” Gabriel teased, causing Sam to shoot him a defiant look.

“No… but you’re about to” the younger Winchester promised, catching Gabriel’s lower lip between his teeth and suckling slightly. The surprised gasp that escaped the archangel pleased Sam, and encouraged by the reaction, his tongue snaked inside Gabriel’s mouth. Their kiss was passionate, and filled with the promise of more. The two men lost each other in the kiss, their hands seeking each other’s bodies. Sam felt the blood rush to his cock as he pushed Gabriel off him and pinned him to the mattress without breaking their kiss. With a snip of the angel’s fingers, their clothes disappeared, causing Sam to frown.

“Wrong use of your grace” he chastised, giving the archangel a pointed look. Gabriel merely shrugged.

“The longer I take to recharge, the more time I get to spend with you sugar” came the sly reply, accompanied by a cheeky wiggle of the eyebrows that made Sam roll his eyes.

“You are impossible” he murmured, before worrying the lobe of Gabriel’s ear. Sam’s hand travelled over the smaller man’s stomach until the fingers wrapped around the already hardening cock. The younger Winchester sucked at the soft skin of Gabriel’s neck, leaving a mark that made him feel even more aroused.

“You’re such a teenager, Sammy” Gabriel joked breathily, unable to hide the pleasure Sam’s action brought him.

“Don’t care” was all Sam replied, his lips leaving a trail of wet kisses from Gabriel’s collarbone to his naval. The taller man’s tongue darted out probingly, licking the tip of the archangel’s cock teasingly. Gabriel cursed under his breath in a language Sam recognised as Enochian. Damn, that was hot. He wanted to hear more. His mouth started working on Gabriel’s steadily growing shaft, even managing to take him all in until he felt the tip tickle the back of his throat. Enjoying the effect he had on the archangel, Sam stopped and looked up at moaning Gabriel. The archangel’s pupils were dilated with pleasure as his eyes locked with his soon-to-be-lover’s. A strong hand came to grab Sam’s hair, fingers twisting and gently pulling him back up. Sam understood the message and began sucking the archangel off, using his hand to stimulate Gabriel even more. Gabriel’s swearing got louder as he neared his orgasm, but before he could spend himself in Sam’s mouth, the younger Winchester pulled back and shot the now whimpering angel a satisfied grin.

“Who’s a teenager now, huh? What, can’t handle a man sucking you off for more than two minutes, can you angel?” Sam asked provocatively, feeling his cock stiffen even more at the dark and challenging look his lover shot him.

“I don’t have the patience for these games, Sammy… but test me one more time, and I’ll show you the meaning of blue balls…” Gabriel threatened, his voice thick with arousal. Sam merely smiled, licking his lips seductively.

“I have other plans for my balls, actually” the younger Winchester said mysteriously, running his hands up and down Gabriel’s inner thighs. The archangel mewled at the sensation, spreading his legs voluntarily so Sam could nestle between them. Before the taller man had a chance to prepare his lover, he heard a snipping of fingers and put on his best bitch face on.

“Again, not what your grace should be used for”

“Again, the more I use it, the more I can justify staying here” Gabriel countered with a wolfish grin, “plus, that’s the advantage of sleeping with an archangel”

Sam merely shook his head, pumping his dick lazily as he positioned himself at Gabriel’s entrance. His pink tip pressed against Gabriel’s ring muscle when Sam thought of something.

“You’re not a virgin, are you?” Gabriel shot Sam an incredulous look.

“Don’t ask stupid questions, Samsquatch. Not many men were allowed down there, but I’m not new at this trust me”

Sam swallowed the disappointment he felt at the thought of not being Gabriel’s first, completely ignoring the fact that the archangel had been around for a long time… and that he was bound to have tried every trick in the book. More confident about what he was doing, Sam pressed past Gabriel’s barrier, hissing as he felt the tightness around his dick. Fuck, that felt good. So good. Making sure Gabriel was in no kind of pain, Sam pushed further inside of him, biting his lip as he felt the tip of his cock hit the archangel’s prostate. Gabriel moaned Sam’s name at the friction, and the older Winchester found that it sounded like music coming from the archangel’s mouth.

“Fuck, say my name again” Sam ordered more than asked, gently hitting Gabriel’s prostate again.

“Ah, fuck! Sam… Sam…  come one sugar, show me what you got”

Sam began thrusting in and out of his lover, his fingers once again lacing with Gabriel’s. The gesture seemed to surprise the archangel, who however quickly got used to the intimacy of it. His eyes glowed with unspoken tenderness as he whispered Sam’s name almost reverently, followed by a litany of Enochian words that Sam wished he understood. Not that it mattered right now. The younger Winchester found that he was losing himself in the moment, and all that mattered was his dick moving in and out of Gabriel, and the delicious sounds the archangel produced.

“I’m so close, Gabe…” Sam warned, pumping Gabriel’s cock in the rhythm of his thrusts. The archangel threw his head back and managed a long, guttural moan.  

“Close your eyes, Sam” Gabriel warned, and although every fibre of Sam’s body told him to go against that request, the rational part of his brain told him that he better listen. Sam felt his balls tighten as he spent himself inside Gabriel’s body, and right in that instant the younger Winchester heard high-frequency whispers fill the room as a bright white light illuminated the lust-filled scene of two lovers lost in the intensity of their passion. Only when the brightness and whispering ceased did the younger Winchester dare open his eyes. The scene he was greeted with took his breath away.

Gabriel was lying on his back, white semen staining his stomach and chest, and beautiful wings the colour of his eyes spread on each side of him. The feathers rustled with the slightest movement from the archangel, and Sam felt compelled to touch them. His fingers gently tickled the inside of Gabriel’s wing, causing the archangel to flinch in surprise.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you” Sam apologised, offering Gabriel his best puppy eyes. The angel merely smiled reassuringly.

“You never hurt me, Samsquatch. I just didn’t expect you to touch them” Gabriel explained, motioning at his wings, “care to join? They’re nice and warm…”

Sam stared at Gabriel for a split-second, trying to gauge whether the angel was joking or not. When Gabriel nodded at the empty space to his right, Sam hesitantly laid on the bed of feathers, careful not to pull at them, or bend them for the matter. His caution made Gabriel laugh softly under his breath.

“They’re not made of sugar, Sammy” the archangel joked, placing his head directly above Sam’s heart. His other wing came to rest around the two of them as Gabriel enjoyed the gradually steadying beat of his lover’s heart.

“They’re beautiful” Sam offered, still awe-struck.

“So I’ve been told… Sam?”

“Hm?” was all the younger Winchester managed, fighting sleep as best as he could.

“Thank you for keeping the nightmares away”

Sam smiled softly and placed a kiss on Gabriel’s forehead.

“My pleasure”