#the reason i haven't been active the past few days is because i was spending all my time on here fucking slaving over this thing lmao

[detransdamnation]

I am not the same anon but i hope you dont feel any ounce of guilt even if you answer this days later, take good care of yourself as much as possible. Onto the question. Do you have some ideas on what could be the main reasons for dysphoria to develop in a young person and why? Do you think things like same sex attraction could be a big factor to sparkle up dysphoria? Even though i struggle to understand how some people stay okay being same sex attracted and in their bodies and some want nothing to do with their body. And in the more tragic case, CSA could have some impact on developing it as well? Or maybe you have some other takes on it, i would be very curious to hear (well. read)

Thank you for your kind words and patience in my getting back to you, Anon.

To zero in on the same sex attraction aspect since that is what you specifically inquired about, yes, I do think that it could be a factor in some cases. However, as the saying goes, correlation does not necessarily equal causation and I think we need to be careful in not inadvertently insinuating that when having these discussions for a couple different reasons. From a gender-critical perspective, I can look back on my childhood and conclude that my dysphoria developed partially because I grew up in a homophobic environment and (unconsciously) further perpetrated that homophobia onto myself. It was not my same sex attraction that was wrong, but “society,” if you will.

However, I was not always able to do this, simply because I have not always been gender-critical. Many transgender people—and especially youth—come from a place of (often severe) internalized homophobia as same sex-attracted people. So, when someone states that same sex attraction may be a factor in dysphoria and transgender identity without explaining (or even mentioning) the why behind that, I view that as flippant—because someone with internalized homophobia can interpret that to mean, “I am dysphoric because I am bi- and/or homosexual.” Our sexualities become the reason for our turmoil—and through that, they, once again, become something for us to hate.

It also just gives way too much room for people who don’t actually have anyone’s best interests at heart to be homophobic. When we say that most dysphoric and trans people are homo- or bisexual and just leave it at that, what do we think a trans-critical homophobe is going to think? I can tell you they’re not going to reflect on their own biases. They’re going to take that to mean that same sex attraction is some sort of mental illness and that dysphoria is a symptom of it. It shifts the blame from homophobic societal structures to the person who is the victim of them. These are different sides of the same coin: When we fail to be mindful in analyzing and discussing the links between dysphoria and sexuality, both groups receive confirmation that same sex attraction is a problem.

I want to both clarify and emphasize, Anon, that I am not making a direct criticism of your own words but rather providing a general commentary on what I have personally seen and how I think it may affect people in ways we may not immediately realize. I feel that consideration of how these statements may come off is sometimes lacking, and as someone who was affected by that when I first started questioning my own transition, I felt it appropriate to mention here. I wish that more emphasis was put on social attitudes, rather than personal attraction, when discussing dysphoria and how it may be linked to sexuality—because that puts the focus on society as a whole rather than singling out one single aspect of a person that they are, very likely, already deeply struggling with. Same sex attraction is the correlation in dysphoric people; hatred of that attraction is the cause of that dysphoria. There is a difference between the two. It is essential we do not overlook it.

To address your other inquiry, I can also speak from personal experience in that my history of abuse did play a significant role in my dysphoria in retrospect. At the age I started identifying as transgender, I was not yet emotionally mature enough to understand that I was being abused. I just knew that people who were supposed to love and protect me instead harmed and took advantage of me, and I did not like that. My upbringing caused me to become passively suicidal from a very young age, which I then understood as wanting to “start over”—and it just so happened that transness eventually gave me that chance. I guess you could say that dysphoria was an expression of that pain and transition was an attempt at escaping it. Myself, as a child, was an abuse victim, a pawn, a pet—but myself, as a trans adult, was who I was outside of that. I fought so viciously to protect my transness because to criticize it felt—and still feels—like killing who I could have been.

Of course, I can only speak for myself, and frankly, that is the only person I want to speak for when it comes to abuse—but this is not just a personal thing. Virtually every single person in the trans community that I was in was also an abuse victim and abuse victims consistently remain(ed) a shocking majority in the communities outside of my own. I do not believe that that is just a coincidence.

I think that the need for control is a significant factor that unites both of these scenarios. I did eventually learn what homophobia was and came to terms with the fact that I had been abused. What I didn’t want to accept was that these things contributed to my pain—because I could not change them. I could not rid the world of homophobia. I could not keep my abusers from being abusive. But if I was the cause of my pain and the solution to that pain was right there, that meant that I could fix it. If everything was “just” dysphoria, that meant that I could heal myself without waiting around for those who hurt me to change. To consider the influence of anything that existed outside of my own mind was to lose hope because it shown a light on everything that I had no power to change as an individual among billions. When so many of us are already disadvantaged in some way from the get-go and we have absolutely no say in any of it, it only makes sense that we would turn that pain inwards and develop dysphoria—and when transition feels like (and is marketed as) the obvious solution, of course we will go through with it. It is our way to have a say. It is no wonder so many of us view transition as empowering when you look at it like that.

So, to finally address your leading question, “Do you have some ideas on what could be the main reasons for dysphoria to develop in a young person and why?” I believe that a variety of factors could be at play and for different reasons for different people. This is not just my own personal opinion; it has been shown that dysphoria and transgender identity tend to be especially concentrated in specific demographics and it would be ignorant of me to discount that. However, beyond citing what is demonstrably obvious and sharing my own experiences in an effort to offer perspective, I do not feel I am in a position to theorize what may or may not have caused someone else’s dysphoria. I strongly believe that dysphoric people need to come to that understanding themselves.

I also do not personally believe that there is a “main reason” on as to why dysphoria may develop in a young person in all cases. I suppose my own “main reason” would be that I fell into the trans community because I never thought seriously about transitioning prior to that time—but the thing is, even if I hadn’t, I would still be dealing with everything else that influenced my getting to this point. I cannot completely divorce all of the things that feed into my dysphoria because they also feed into each other. If I were to take the trans community out of that equation, it would just be the influence of the trans community missing. It is impossible to say whether or not I would have still gone down this same path without that. I honestly think it is just as likely that what remains would simply replace what no longer applies. Dysphoria is like a web. Webs are sticky things.

And as to why some people develop dysphoria while others do not, who knows? Throughout my medical transition as a teenager, every second or third person I talked to either had a full-blown eating disorder, or was on their way to developing one. I was under constant unconscious influence to go down that same path. I struggle with all of the known psychological risk factors in eating disorder development and was also raised in ways that are known to encourage them to develop overtime. Meanwhile, dysphoria was essentially unknown to everyone outside of my bubble. Why, then, did I develop dysphoria when it would have made more sense for me to develop an eating disorder? I don’t know. I don’t think there is a way to know.

At the end of the day, I truly do think whether or not one goes on to develop dysphoria is just a matter of luck (or rather, lack thereof). That is the unfortunate nature of mental illness. Sometimes you get it, sometimes you don’t, and there’s really no “reason” on as to why you have it while someone else with similar experiences might not. But even if there were a reason for it, even if I could pinpoint exactly what caused my dysphoria, I can honestly say that no comfort would come from my knowing—because knowing would not change the fact that I have it. I cannot go back, only forward, and in doing so, I have made peace with that ambiguity.

I sincerely hope this answer makes up for how long I made you wait for it.

[rainymoodlet]

🌧 rainymoodlet is in full hiatus mode! 🌧

hoo... absolutely sick to my stomach writing this. ✌ for more information, please read below! thank you all for following my stories, loving my bachelor challenge, and loving my little pixels as much as i do. 😊

Well, my darling fellow simblrs... it's happened. It's been a bit of a long time coming over the past few months, but I've finally decided to put my blog into a permanent sort of "hiatus mode". I am a person who is riddled with executive dysfunction and lack of self-control, and I know that if I don't legitimately cut myself off from Simblr™ and the disassociation it's allowed me, I will. not. quit. 😅

I originally joined Simblr back in 2021 during a really difficult and isolated time in my life. I haven't been able to speak much to it because of the legal issues it's tied up in, but Simblr became my escape whilst in the throes of seeking justice against my abuser in a time where my entire family had abandoned me, and my fiance and I were living alone in my parents' house with only the two of us to swirl in deep and massive depression. Sims has always been my escape; from 2004 onward, it has given me narrative control and visual fantasy for as long as I can remember, and it will always be a deeply comforting and "safe" game for me.

But when I joined Simblr, it was out of many of the reasons that I think we can all relate to as writers and creatives. I had the idea for Loved by the Sun, and as I kept imagining and writing and building this world, I thought: "I deserve to show this to people. I really want people to see this. And I really want them to think it's good." I had been existing on the fringes of Simblr on my own personal Tumblr blog: I've seen countless legacies rise and fall, countless dramas spread out across blogs that are no longer active and haven't been for years. I wanted people to wake up and roll over and check my blog, desperate for updates, eager for more.

And more than anything, I wanted to escape the day-to-day hell I was living in.

But as the years went on, I've noticed that the excitement and creativity that drove my creation of my account has dwindled beyond measure. And I will put that on myself - starting a Bachelor Challenge like Kiss Me in Komorebi was one of the beginning nails in the coffin of my creativity and enjoyment of Simblr. I do not regret it one bit, and I am so grateful for the following it's gained and the genuine enjoyment you've all had with KMiK. It's my proudest achievement, it's pushed me to be a better editor and a better screenshot-taker, it's challenged me in my way of playing and it's introduced me to so many wonderful people.

But of course... I me'd it up. 😎

I've become obsessed to an egregious degree with the perception of my handling of this challenge. I want everyone to feel as though their sim gets enough screen-time, I want everyone to feel that the creative effort they put into submitting their sims was respected, and I desperately don't want anyone to feel left out or as though they're being ignored in favor of other contestants. It became so much less of telling Dan's story and journey, and all about how I was appearing as the Master of the Game.

And to be honest, my obsession with "staying relevant" in the fast-paced scroll of the Simblr Dashboard, believing you all would stop caring or stop reading if I didn't post as quickly as possible, was my own doom from the start, fkdfdjk.

In my life, I've had countless opportunities to turn my life around and start changing for the better. And time and time again, the energy that could have gone toward improving my situation or bettering my relationships has gone toward Simblr, and this online environment. I have practically no life beyond the screen: my days off are spent taking screenshots or spending four hours on builds that I still won't finish, obsessed over every angle, desperately seeking out that ~sparkle~ of simplicity and not-trying-too-hard I apply to all of your screenshots.

I am a dopamine and serotonin fiend, and though I can pinpoint in my life where trauma and isolation has pushed me to my online spaces, I was hyper-aware of the reality that in a few years, I won't be involved in Simblr. I won't be posting constantly, I won't care about the mods or the updates or the custom content.

And the stories I've written will be monuments to the time I've wasted, working on chasing the serotonin monster instead of bettering my own life and my own situation.

And now, I've got a real chance to do something better with my life. My fiance and I are at a crossroads of choice - we can change our lives for the better this year, or we can accept that the years of inaction we forced ourselves into out of the fear of moving forward have doomed us to a life we're not happy with. And I am one stubborn bastard when it comes to giving up.

The friendships and connections I've made here are some of the most meaningful in my life, and I hate that I've pulled back in the way I have. Along the way, it became much more about the notes, the numbers, the interaction, the reblogs over likes - and I lost myself and my friendships to my own mismanagement of my time and energy. I could spend five hours on one build, going from 7am to 12pm in a lightning speed of disassociation and obsessive Alt-clicking, and at the end of the day sit there and go...

What the hell have I done today? I could have messaged someone, I could have chatted with my friends, I could have done something. But no, I built a science lab, or a date location, and fretted the entire time until my stomach felt sick that it just "wasn't right" or wouldn't "look the way I wanted it to" in my screenshots.

I deeply, deeply love my stories, and I am so proud of them and what they've done for y'all and how you all have enjoyed them. I am incredibly lucky for the experience I've had on Simblr, and I know that there are plenty of blogs out there that sit with little interaction when they deserve so much more.

And yes, I will admit. The tendency of a 15-minute slapped together CAS edit of mine getting more notes and spotlight than the posts of my stories I've put legitimate effort into has fucked with my brain.

Simblr has changed from the story-laden place it was when I was following y'alls stories and legacies from 2015 onward. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that! Online spaces shift and change just as much as the social media sites like TikTok and Instagram, that go through trends and phases and fads and memes the same way we do. We are not above other social media in that regard, and I think there's a general sense from Simblr that we're some isolated island; we don't follow trends, we don't have fads, we don't have audio trends that get slapped on every other six-second video.

But I will raise you the Blender Phase and the Edit Phase as evidence every time.

I need to take some serious introspection time, and commit a lot of my energy to things that can bring me positive change outside of this online space. I hope to be able to come back as a better, healthier person, but to be honest, I don't really know when that will be. (Even this post is something I feel I have to do to be responsible, not just disappearing in the middle of this Challenge, leaving you all hanging djfh) I hope this doesn't come off as some high-horse rant, or leave a sour taste in y'alls mouths.

I just... I'll really miss this space. I'll miss the sims, I'll miss you guys, I'll miss your posts and your legacies and your sense of humor. I want to thank so many people, but I don't want to tag you all and shove this post into your activity streams dkfd.

I can't give any commitments to appearing more in Discord or even being present on this space - I've gone to the point of disconnecting the Chrome browser that's for rainymoodlet from my main icon bar, like I am going straight cold-turkey. I'll still be playing Sims, but I'm going to try and reconnect with it for myself - not for the screenshots, not for the stories, and not for the desperate want for people to understand what I'm posting or for it to make sense or satisfy, dfkj.

I am so, so incredibly grateful for every single one of you, and I hate to just drop this out of nowhere. But I need to do this, for me and for my future. And now I'm just sitting here like "Shannon, it's simblr, fucking chill." dkjfd I JUST... this space has done so much for me, and I genuinely feel a sense of loss in leaving. Especially in the middle of a story, fkgjfkg.

I really do genuinely love and care for you all. Please take care of yourselves, okay? Mama Shan does genuinely want the best for you, and I can't thank you enough for letting little old dorky ass me be a part of your community and your lives.

'Til next time, y'all. I'll see you soon. 💛

[sassenach082]

i'm curious: since mav is bradley's legal guardian (permanent, I assume) does that mean he's probably on shore assignments (or top gun, i guess) for the majority of his naval career instead of what he does in the original canon (quits top gun, never goes back to teach after that first time, presumably is on deployment a lot before he gets in trouble for something and gets put in the test pilot program?) that's an interesting prospect to me since it seems similar to a lot of pre-tgm fic, where mav just... like, stayed at top gun after '86, and never left, but obvi in most of that, he didn't have a kid to take care of. i mean, things probably change a lot after bradley... maybe cuts ties in the 00s?? if the pulling papers things still happens, but with all the family support and no mention of carole ever explicitly telling mav in the beginning about not letting bradley fly, i'm also curious how that plays out too since it's also probably v canon-divergent. and also — how do u think ice's career trajectory goes? ive seen many takes on how he got to compacflt lol

Hey nonnie! Whew, buckle up, I have a lot of thoughts.

They're going to be at Top Gun for a while, but they won't be staying there. Ice will come back later on, but Mav will be doing other things. This is going to be long and rambly so if you want to read (and aren't bothered by vague spoilers) more under the cut!

With wars coming up they're going to be shifted around back to active duty flying, particularly in Desert Storm. Mav figures out a way to make it work but he refuses to let Ice go without him, and Bradley gets it because he's a military kid. They also aren't going to always be together; actually, they spend quite a few years apart, which is going to hurt my heart to write.

They try to stick to the West Coast. I don't know how much you know about the Navy, but the two main hubs are San Diego and Norfolk, Virginia. In real life they shifted Top Gun out to Fallon, Nevada, but since in the canon of the movie it's still in Fightertown it will be staying there. Most Naval Aviators on the west coast are actually stationed at Lemoore, a base in the middle of California which is a bit of a shithole if my cousin Jay is to be believed, lol, while the east coast aviator hub is Oceania, Virginia. Aviators go through cycles of on a ship, leaving a ship, and then into fleet replacement training to go back on a ship. As soon as my cousin the aviator gets a good night sleep I'm going to pick his brain more about it. If anyone reading this is an aviator or knows one hit me up! I adore my cousin but talking is not his superpower. I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS.

Anyway to answer your question it's going to be a bit roundabout. IRL you have to have a plan for your dependents in case of deployment and Mav gets it figured out with Ice's help as for who will watch Bradley which will be a whole other can of worms but I don't think Mav or Ice are the type to watch their friends go off to war without them. I haven't fleshed it all the way out but Mav is going to CHOOSE the test pilot path, mostly because it keeps him close to Bradley, and he's going to be doing some special ops shit because in my brain that's literally the only reason the kids in the movie have no fucking clue who he is even though they've all been to Top Gun and walked past his picture EVERY DAY in the atrium, haha.

He's still Mav so yes he will still be pissing off Admirals.

As for Ice, I haven't figured out exactly how I want to get him there I'm still doing research. I do know that they have to command ships so at some point he'll get a carrier most likely because he's Ice and who the hell better to hand a carrier to, in my opinion. He leaves the sky fairly early in his career if you look at the whole span of it, partly because flying is something he loves but doesn't define him like it does for Mav, and this way he can keep Mav up there doing what he loves while he also gets to climb the ladder. It's a lot of politics which I hate so I'll be grumpy about having to research all that shit but I mean COME ON, it's Ice. Of course he gets a fucking Fleet. I also headcanon that the Joint Chiefs are beating his door down and he's just like that Obama eye meme saying THEN PERISH because he likes being able to go to the ocean to escape them.

Anyway back to the Navy, not sure if you or anyone who is into Top Gun knows this, but Ice is quite literally AS HIGH as you can go in the Navy. There hasn't been a Fleet Admiral (with the five stars) since Nimitz died in '66 and has only ever been held by four dudes: William Leahy, Ernest King, Chester Nimitz, and William Halsey Jr. (names you may recognize if you know your WWII Naval history but I digress). So basically four-star Admiral is IT, like that is the top of the ladder, unless you get asked to join the Joint Chiefs of Staff and work directly with the president. Tom likes to be in charge of things so I think the Joint Chiefs would be hard for him - they have no direct control over the Navy at all and it's a desk job in Washington D.C.

Maybe one day he could become the Secretary of the Navy, but I don't know if I can see Tom doing that, tbh. They have to be 5 years removed from military service at minimum. So I dunno. Still up in the air as far as Tom! Right at this moment he's being an asshole on an aircraft carrier in 1987, so there's that.

[bluebudgie]

Behold! The long announced whiny pissbaby gamer rage essay that noone on the internet asked for.

Disclaimer up front: This is about Eff Eff Sixteen. If you're a fan of this game I advise you to just ignore this because I genuinely don't want to piss into your morning coffee with my negativity. I will rip this game several new assholes. You have been warned.

FAQ Q: Don't you have anything better to spend your time on than writing a ridiculously lengthy internet text post about a video game whose existence you are free to simply ignore? A: Yes, but this matter is personal. I'm writing this for the sake of carthasis. Closure. To be free of the rage that has possessed me for the past months. Q: Have you tried touching grass? A: I have sat in a field of grass for a prolonged amount of time prior to writing this. I am beyond the need of touching grass. Q: Do you expect anyone to actually read all this? A: No.

Spoilers ahead, obviously. Let's go.

------

Table of Contents

Introduction: Is this the worst game ever made? 1.1 It's personal 1.2 Pre-release & producer statements

The battle system

The narrative 3.1 Storytelling and morality 3.2 Pacing 3.3 Visuals 3.4 Characters 3.4.1 The game's biggest mistake 3.4.2 The state of women 3.5 Music

Credit where credit is due 4.1 It's personal again

Conclusion

------

1. Introduction: Is this the worst game ever made? What a strange way to start, you may think. Shouldn't this question rather be addressed in a conclusion at the end? I want to set the record straight from the start: No, it is not the worst game ever made. All things considered I don't even think it's the worst game of its series. And yet I have never in my life felt such unbridled hatred for a video game, or honestly, any piece of entertainment media I can currently think of. Why is that?

1.1 It's personal Usually I'm pretty good at doing the sensible thing people should do when they don't like something - ignore it. Why bother wasting your energy deliberately seeking out something that you know will make you angry?

Hear me out for a moment, I'll have to go on a tangent here.

I didn't actively get into the series until a year before FFXIII released - which at this point in time is 15 years ago now, but considering we've had only two more (singleplayer) mainline games since then, it's still a relatively late entry point. This is to say: I don't think I'm wearing the worst nostalgia goggles, but I do have a long history with the series nonetheless. These games have played a big role in my life for those past 15 years.

I used to roll my eyes at the "the series died after FFX" crowd. FFXII is one of the best in the series, sure FFXIII was a landslide miss for me, but... that's one game, right. Then FFXV's release drew closer. I did not like what I saw, for many reasons I won't detail now. What did I do? I blacklisted the game's name on all social media platforms, and didn't hear anything about it anymore. To this day I haven't actually seen much of it, though I do know the rough outline. And I know that while the game has a dedicated fanbase, it has also received its fair share of harsh criticism.

Why am I telling you all this?

1.2 Pre-release & producer statements

A few years ago, FFXVI was announced. And I have to be honest: I was negatively biased from the start. I hadn't been happy with SE's general direction for years and I wasn't particularly hopeful for this entry either. But - and I want to make this very clear - I was open to give this game a fair chance. The announcement trailer didn't really hook me but it looked alright, some visual and audio gripes aside. I was... cautiously curious. Not quite enough to call it optimistic, but I wanted to be hopeful.

You know what's excellent at crushing hopes? Game producer interviews that range from "that's a severely stupid opinion to have but you do you" aka (paraphrased) "our traditionally turn-based series can't be turn-based anymore because in order to get the production costs covered we have to appeal to the masses, and the masses are kids who love action and not outdated combat systems in which you have to navigate menus to act" (source); to downright offensive statements such as "we are creating a fantasy world based on reality and therefore black people can't exist in our european medieval setting" (source); and "I have gamer pride so I don't want to feature an easy difficulty setting in my game" (source - for clarity's sake there are accessibility options in the game in the form of equipment that helps simplify combat, however the statement itself is still really goddamn stupid).

And I know these statements have been called out by some - but it definitely didn't blow up as much as it should have considering the popularity of this franchise. It's an open secret why this is the case (if you're out of the loop: the game producer in question is an untouchable god with a really large cult fan following), and quite frankly I believe this is probably where the first seeds of my hatred were sown. Knowing that no matter what FFXVI was going to be it would have people defend it out of their blind commitment to the team behind the game's development, left a.... spiteful aftertaste in my mouth.

Ironically looking back now, and plain offensive statements aside, my biggest concern for the game itself was actually the combat system. I'm definitely part of the old-school "a main series FF game needs turn-based combat" crowd. Oh sweet summer child.

At this point I decided it would be better to go the FFXV route (which, by the way, had some similarly stupid dev comments at its release). All marketing made it clear that I was not the target audience for this game, so best to just ignore its existence.

That worked... alright...ish... until the demo's release. I guess you could say curiousity killed the cat. I decided to take a look at someone's playthrough... and that's where my initial "pissbaby gamer rage" draft that I ended up not posting came from. Go big or go home, if I wanted to be angry about this game in public I should at least be fair and wait for the full release. Not judge the game by its (admittedly generous in length) demo. Get the full receipts, see it for all that it is in its entirety. I think in a way I still didn't want to give up hope completely.

And that's where we are now, two months later I've watched a full playthrough of the game including all sidequests. It's been a wild ride to say the least.

2. The battle system

Let's get this out of the way before we finally get to the really meaty part: As mentioned earlier my primary concern before release was the combat system since it's so far removed from the older entries of the series. Ironically, of all things, this is probably the smallest issue I have with the game now.

I still don't think the combat is good, mind you - this is mostly a matter of personal taste but I'll never see how button mashing and a series of QTEs overlayed over 20 minutes of cinematic cutscene is supposed to be more impactful or fun than the oh-so-outdated turn based menu inputs. Then again, I didn't play the game myself and can therefore obviously not judge how good or bad it feels in the heat of battle. I say "button mashing", by the way, as what I've gathered from other people's reviews - who genuinely enjoyed the game - the combat is really watered down and repetitive in comparison to games with similar systems like the DMC series. While you do pick up new abilities over the course of the game it seems like once you've found one combination that works you can solve every single battle following those exact inputs. This is one of the two really big complaints about this game I've seen consistently in almost every review.

Speaking of combat, the game has the weirdest way to pull you out of the action and emotional moments by freezing mid cutscene, showing a "you won the battle - here's your loot" screen while blasting an epic choir rendition of the classic FF fanfare, before picking that same cutscene right back up. I don't know who thought this was a good idea, but it's honestly jarring. For an extremely cinematic game that supposedly wants to break with "outdated" traditions, implementing that very video game-y results screen is a strange choice.

You could say this last point is nitpicking, and if this game had no other issues I would probably not mention it at all, but as it is this little detail is indicative of a much, much larger issue.

3. The narrative

[The sound of cracking knuckles can be heard in the distance.] Let the slaughter begin.

Prior to release the game was marketed as a departure from the rest of the series - the setting was advertised as a darker, more mature, political intrigue for an adult audience. ('But the masses of kids that like action com-' Who? What are you talking about?) Because as we all know, no other FF game has ever been dark before (/sarcasm).

What we got was storytelling and character writing with about the maturity level of a twelve year old teenage boy in his edgelord phase making his first Game of Thrones fanfiction drafts. This game oozes of sexism, really stupid slavery allegories, the most dumbed down black and white morality with a matching set of one-dimensional black and white characters, godawful pacing and some of the worst NPC dialogues I've ever had to witness.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

3.1 Storytelling and morality

So this dark and mature political story... I'm still searching for it. I know GoT started this trend where writers will use "politics" as a buzz word to make their games look complex (FFXVI hasn't been the sole offender in the past years). Then they expose you to a few kingdom names, show you a map with territories, drop a few year dates with barely any significant relevance to anything over the course of the game, and pretend that's a deep political intrigue. I have news for you: It's not.

Alright, then... this dark and mature... oh. Oh you mean that's because there's a plethora of blood splatters and people say "fuck" and "cock" and "whore" and there's goofily censored sex on screen? Ah... oh. Alright, I see. If that's what you'd call that... sure.

But surely the people who are tattooed like cattle and used as slaves due to being born as magic users will have an interesting role in the story dealing with the very delicate topic of slaver- ...oh, uh... what do you mean the perfect king beloved by everyone is the good guy because unlike all the other people who held slaves, he treated his slaves nicely? And, before you ask.... No, this isn't some sort of commentary the game wants you to question. This guy is unironically, unambiguously portrayed as the perfect good guy. Brought up many, many times for how flawless he is.

And that... is where we're diving into one of this game's biggest and most glaring issues. The writing is so mindnumbingly black and white with not the slightest room for ambiguous or grey morality it's painful. Everything and everyone in this game is always either good with no failings - or so stupidly evil they may as well be a bad saturday morning cartoon villain.

Good characters are always good, and always act out of the pure kindness of their heart. When you think a good character fucked up and actually did something bad, it will later be revealed that either it wasn't them at all and it was all a scheme, or they were possessed by the big baddie and therefore not actually responsible for their actions. Can't possibly risk anyone appearing like a realistic person with character depth now, can we?

And don't worry, just in case you have an extremely bad case of media illiteracy with the slightest hint of doubt of anyone's alignment on the binary moral chart, the game will make sure to overexplain literally every tiny detail to you in the worst way possible. You see, the evil woman right at the start? The one who looks really evil and moves really evil and the first thing she does is being mean to the slaves and being dismissive of her own son? In case you didn't get yet that she's evil, there will be guards whispering about how evil she is when she leaves the scene. Also a scene later the good perfect king will point out how evil she is. And worry not, in case you forget in the few hours she's not on screen, characters will make sure to remind you how she has not a single redeeming quality and every breath she has ever taken has been filled with evil.

And this might sound like I'm exaggerating. But the game is like this with Every. Single. Thing. Sometimes I found myself genuinely wondering if the writers were actively trying to insult the player's intelligence with this condescending amount of overexplanation. Characters constantly comment on everything that is visibly happening on screen - for God's sake if you want to make a modern game that moves away from "outdated" mechanics then write it this way. If you show what is going on with detailed realistic graphics, you do not need characters monologuing a description of what they're seeing. You do not need to voice a character saying "I'm sad" when you can clearly see their facial expression. You do not need to make a character loudly ask himself with noone else present by his side "Is he hallucinating?" when showing another character's hallucinations. Old games did that because they had limited visual capabilities. If you sit on your high horse talking about moving the series forward while spitting into your old playerbase's faces, then do it right at the very least.

Once in a while you'll be exposed to some textbook philosophy theories, which in essence wouldn't be a bad idea at all if those philosophies were somehow smartly woven into the game's narrative… but instead you get characters quoting essentially the wikipedia summary of what that philosophy is about and call it a day.

I wish this was the only issue with the game's writing.

3.2 Pacing

This game's pacing is atrocious. Genuinely, utterly awful. And there`s mostly one thing to blame: Sidequests. If you've heard a single criticism for this game even from people who highly praise it, it's this.

The sidequests are absolutely horrendous filler content on so many levels. Gameplay wise they're usually "follow 10 meters of a linear corridor to defeat an enemy and then grab a carrot at the end" fetch quests. Visually they are not just a nose dive but an entire plane crash compared to the well animated main quests, consisting mostly of the same three reused conversation animations from FFXIV (I'm all for reusing assets if it helps developers save time, work smarter not harder, but this one is blatantly obvious in all the worst ways). And the writing.... oh boy.

NPCs go on and on and on and on having the most blandly written expository dialogue. I get that the writer's intention was to give the world a bit of context and make it feel more alive with random people telling you about their life stories and everyday hurdles, but they failed miserably at making this remotely engaging. They may as well have had people read the dictionary. And maybe this would have worked better as purely written textbox dialogue (if about half of the dialogue was cut, which would still leave more than enough padding around the actually relevant information) - but in a game with voice acting, making people audibly speak in ways noone would ever speak to another person, just doesn't work. It's stilted and unnatural, and really awkward to listen to.

Delivery aside, the stories told in these sidequests vary from "farmer's everyday life issues about growing their crops" to "random child ends oppression by convincing an angry mob of adults they shouldn't be stoning someone because that someone has been a valuable asset to their society (by reminding them they need to keep the streets clean) and suddenly every adult in range is free of bigoted feelings". And then everyone in the bus clapped, I guess. And again, I get the intention behind these stories but they're so clumsily written.

And yes, these are sidequests - you are free to ignore them. But they do make up a considerable chunk of the game. And, unfortuantely, a fair handful of the main quests follow this same fetch quest formula.

This game goes long, very long stretches without anything substential happening. And it's good to have downtime to breathe - the game's big main story moments pack a punch in terms of epic adrenaline filled battles. But this game honestly feels like 60 hours of filler fetch quests with the occasional relevant story sequence sprinkled in between.

3.3 Visuals

I'm not a film student so maybe it's not my place to comment on cinematography, but I felt like visually many of the cutscenes were also really... bland. Not necessarily bad looking (if you can see anything behind the millions of particle effects) but it definitely felt like less care was put into choosing narratively interesting image composition compared to a game like FFXII.

And then it also does this really annoying thing where it will constantly fade to black for absolutely no reason.

Character A: Oh that seems like an exciting story! Tell me all about it. Character B: Okay, so this is a long story... [screen fades to black] [screen fades from black to the exact same shot we had before the fade] Character B: So the story goes like this... (starts telling the story you thought was told off screen indicated by the black sreen)

This and similar instances happen fairly often and I just don't get why. It's nothing to hate the game for but it's just... really strange. Just like those really silly "In the meantime..." text overlays for scenes that are very clearly happening in the meantime. Seriously, we get it. You don't have to spell it out. But whatever, this is one of those things I'd look past if it weren't for the whole rest of this trainwreck.

3.4 Characters

Speaking of trainwrecks. [Takes a deep breath] I've avoided this topic for long enough now. This is where the last seams that hold the game together break and make it fall apart entirely. This is where the pile of shit that's been tossed across the room finally hits the fan.

If you're remotely familiar with any Final Fantasy title you know how important a solid cast is to those games. Your allies and party members you meet over the course of the game, their stories and views on the world's happenings... a charismatic villain. Well, how about we just simply didn't have any of that.

3.4.1 The game's biggest mistake

FFXVI's writers made the decision to focus the game's narrative around a single character, our playable protagonist. There is a small supporting cast of characters that you meet, and occasionally travels alongside you temporarily, but most of them have... not much to them. The game makes it clear: This story is about Clive, and him alone.

And... I don't think having a story focused on a single character is necessarily a bad decision per se, even if highly unusual for a series that was driven by party systems for decades, but... If you decide to do that, then your protagonist needs to have more personality than a soggy wet sponge. It's bad enough that pretty much noone in this game has any sort of depth to them, but if you sideline literally every character in favour of your protagonist's narrative then... at least give that protagonist a character?

This man's personality is nothing beyond helping people because it's the right thing to do. The attempted "he feels guilty for killing his brother" (which naturally he didn't actually do, because that would be too complex of a story) subplot gets dropped a few hours in and he's just... that guy who runs everyone's errands with no input of his own. And it doesn't make him unlikeable necessarily, it just makes him terribly boring.

What is really, really grating however is how every other character portrays him. Named characters and unnamed NPCs alike will throw pity parties for him over and over, going on about how he's so self-sacrificial, always doing everything for others while never expecting anything in return and never taking enough care of himself. It's exhausting. We get it. He's the perfect heroic nice guy, just like his (slave having) dad, the unfailable king. And unlike his evil witch of a mother. Who is so evil, by the way. At times I felt like Clive was some sort of dream fantasy guy self insert of the writers.

I'll say it plainly now: the lack of a well developped playable party is, in my opinion, the game's downfall. Clive alone can't carry the narrative because there isn't nearly enough depth to him, and everyone else has deliberately been stripped of any sort of meaningful screentime. Narrative aside I also feel like multiple playable characters would have done a lot for more variety in terms of gameplay. And before you raise your pitchforks - yes, there are few, very few characters that have their own little story moment. But boy... at what cost.

3.4.2 The state of women

! Rape & suicide mention trigger warning for this section !

So you know, Clive's sidekick? No, not the dog, the girl. Jill. The one who spends most of the game sick in bed, kidnapped, or otherwise missing, and whose single personality trait is being Clive's pure and innocent love interest. Surprisingly, she has her own 30 minutes of side story! A side story that essentially boils down to finding out she was held captive by a weird cult that had no relevance prior to this point and will have no relevance at all after this point. You get to beat up the cult's leader who is revealed to sexually assault underage girls.

Is that ever addressed again at any point? No.

But worry not. We still have a few more women in the bigger roles of the game. One of them, Benedikta, is an early game antagonist whose entire thing is seducing men, and most of the screentime she has is sex scenes. Once you defeat her in battle she flees, and a randomly passing by group of bandits is implied to attempt to rape her. This triggers a flashback of a past assault she was rescued from, and she goes mad. You fight her again, now in her powered up form, and kill her. Then she gets decapitated and her head is sent in a box to her lover to fuel his man rage. Don't worry, you'll get more sex scene flashbacks with her after her death.

But hey. We have another woman in a leading role. The supposedly main antagonist before the real big baddie (who is so boring of a villain i can't even get myself to say anything more about him) is revealed to have business with her. Clive's evil slave-mistreating mum. Her purpose in the story is breeding a flawless heir. What fuels this dignified ambition? Hell if I know. She's written in a hateable way for the sake of it. Likely to contrast Clive and his flawless dad. Absolutely zero depth to anything.

Guess her age here.

If you guessed "at least in her 50s" you are correct! Do I even have to say anything more about this.

The moment her perfect heir is killed, she loses it and slits her own throat. A very anticlimatic conclusion to her non-existent character arc.

Yes, there are a couple more secondary female characters who aren't necessarily walking misogyny targets, but they're pretty much irrelevant to the plot.

Here's a quote from my girlfriend, who is a woman, about the state of women in this game: "I have scarcely felt this alienated by the depiction of women in a video game."

! Trigger warning ends here !

So, uh... how do we move on from here... Let's head somewhere less offensive.

3.5 Music

Usually I'd give the soundtrack a lot more attention since I'm of the opinion that music is one of the most vital parts in a game and can absolutely make or break it - but quite frankly I don't have much to say about this one in detail. It's largely generic epic orchestra music with nothing much unique going for it. The regular battle theme is fairly memorable; and then there's that really aggravatingly annoying acoustic guitar ambient song that seems to play for about half of the game's time. Seriously I hate that one. It drove me nuts. In general I don't know if there's more than 10 songs in the OST because I don't think I heard more than that. Either that, or they all sounded the same.

What stuck out negatively to me especially (apart from that godsdamned acoustic guitar) was the overusage of over the top orchestral arrangements for the tiniest occasions, which was unfitting at best and really tiring at worst. I got used to it with time, but still a good soundtrack isn't just making every moment sound like it's as epic as the final boss, it's making varied music that fits the moment and sets the ambience.

Also not to ruin the OST for anyone who actually enjoys it, but the game's leitmotif sounds like Army of Lovers' Crucified. Noticed it during the demo and couldn't unhear it for the entirety of the game. You're welcome.

4. Credit where credit is due

As should be evident by now, I'm not finding much redeemable in this game. And yet - I would be lying if I said I didn't find myself liking some aspects of it.

Some of the armour designs are pretty neat. In general the character design as a whole feels coherent and mostly fits the setting, some questionable haircut choices aside.

There are chocobos. In different colours. They look nice. Not a big surprise, I suppose.

The voice acting is really good. I can't comment much on the English dub since I only watched the demo in English and then watched the full game with a streamer who played in German; but the German voice actors did an amazing job, and I've heard only good things about the English cast as well. Listening to a few comparisons I was surprised how deep English Joshua's voice is. He sounds like a teenage boy even after the last timeskip in German. That took me out a bit. I also realized I'm very partial to Dion's German voice acting. His final scene was extremely strong in that regard.

Speaking of Dion....

4.1 It's personal again

Alright. Listen. I hate this. I fucking hate this. For weeks I suffered through this game, nothing but this burning passionate hatred within me, ready to shred and tear every single aspect of it apart.

And then. So close to the end. In the final stretch. When I've almost made it through with nothing but rage and hatred by my side. This fucking stupid garbage game attacks my one goddamn weak point: The gay prince and his lover share a small "it isn't meant to be" moment. And I genuinely enjoyed the little gestures in that cutscene. It was a good cutscene.

And at this point I was unfortunately confronted with a hard to swallow pill: I had been kinda looking forward to every time Dion showed up on screen. I'll be honest I'm not sure I would have made it through the game without the driving force of "hey maybe he'll show up again". Over time he turned into my single point of fixation, and it's sad because ultimately he too is pretty much a wet sponge of a character, though maybe the least wet and spongy one. I think he does have some of the stronger scenes in the game (as well as the most visually appealing boss battle - whatever was going on with that bullet hell laser fight in space). He's also unfortunately a sad blond Final Fantasy prince and. Uh. Yeah. Ahem. Alas, he's kinda ugly. Subjectively. But he has an absolutely mighty hip swing when he walks. And a pretty cool spear. Good weapon choice.

In general, props to SE for including an unambiguously gay character in a decently written way. We all know this company is pretty behind in terms of diversity and representation, so seeing that was a pleasant surprise.

Anyway I really REALLY hate to admit it but I've been kinda held hostage by the game over this stupid prince. I'm hoping this is a temporary side effect (derogatory) from being exposed to the game for a prolonged amount of time and in a few weeks I won't care anymore. I hate it here.

5. Conclusion

When I finally finished watching the game after having spent 2 entire months with it I was mostly asking myself one question... What is worse in regards to an art medium? To hate it so intensely that you're willing to dive into every little aspect of it; or to feel complete indifference?

I can't tell you if I think FFXVI is the worst game in the series. It's the one I feel the most passionate hate for, that's for sure. But a game like FFXV seems so inherently unappealing I don't even care to look at it. Not because I think I'll dislike it any more, I just think it will bore me. (Irrelevant side note - I do plan to finally watch a playthrough of that one too in the future. Might as well commit now.)

There are aspects of FFXVI I do think are inexcusable in an objective way; delicate topics handled badly, developers that need an attitude check, and also... by god go meet a woman in real life, please.

For a game that was said to modernize and move the series forward, it makes terribly outdated choices in many regards. It somehow tries so hard to be a departure from the other games in the series, losing a lot of what makes a good Final Fantasy game, and simultaneously clings so hard to references that feel so empty when the core of these games has been trampled on. No amount of preludes and FF1 overworld theme rearrangements and corny "this will be your final fantasy" puns can bring the series' essence back that this game failed to capture. A sense of adventure, a compelling story with a meaningful cast of companions, a world to explore beyond grey corridors.

It should have been a spin-off, not a main title game. Obviously a different name wouldn't have changed the quality of the game, but I can't shake off the feeling that had it been called FFXIV: The Offline Singleplayer Experience (which quite frankly it feels like in many regards), I might have been a bit more lenient with my judgement.

Still...public reception of the game seems, surprisingly, fairly mixed. My fears of the game being hailed as the second coming of Christ didn't actually become true. At the very least the gameplay is oftentimes heavily criticized. And while I really have to wonder if all the people who praise the story and character writing have watched the same thing as I have, seeing the game actually receive some nuanced opinions from both people who like and dislike it alike is a refreshing twist I didn't expect. (Just in case this comes across wrong: I don't consider my opinions to be nuanced. I'm just a hater. But I'm right. Ha.)

Well... uh... After all this I don't quite know how to end this. I feel like I've said more than anyone should say about this game and somehow nothing of substance at all. Topical, I suppose. Oh well. Congrats (I guess) to this game for sparking something in me (negative) no other game has ever done before. For all it's worth, it strengthened my bond to some of the older entries I used to judge more harshly. I know better now.

-----

If you're the single person who made it this far, I think you deserve to have some pictures. Here's my favourite battle phase: (Something about those symmetrical orb patterns was very aesthetically pleasing. Better in motion though.)

And here's an exclusive look at parts of my initial draft and some discord liveblogging:

anyway peace out ✌️ go watch dions death scene in german

[rubykgrant]

Okay so I know you brought up an AU with freelancers alive before, like all of them even Niner and the triplets and Florida and Connie, but here's what just interested me: how is Maine with everyone? Reds, Blues,, Freelancers, Locus, etc.

I had a whole post with some different Freelancer thoughts, so I'll copy-past the Maine bits from there, and also add a few more-

-Other people keep taking the “Grifshot” and hiding it somewhere Maine can find find it, and he ALWAYS gives it back to Grif... who is like a timid little bunny rabbit in that situation

-Maine will also just stand around and watch Tucker do stuff. Tucker feels like this is some kind of INTIMIDATION act, but Maine literally just thinks Tucker is cool

-Doc and Maine hung out together for several days before even discussing stuff about O’Malley and the Meta... nobody is entirely sure what was said (which is fine if they want to keep it private), and this seems to have resulted in Doc having absolutely NO fear of Maine (even when other people still get intimidated), and Maine has all these inside-jokes with O’Malley

-Sarge called dibs on Maine, South, and York. He truly feels like they are integral to some kind of grand scheme that makes no sense to anybody else. Maine is fine with it, he likes the Reds. South immediately jumps on the SUCK IT BLUES band-wagon (because guess which side her bro got absorbed into). York hams it up, like woe is me, I am on the opposing side of a feud from my dear friends, knowing full well this does not matter

-When Maine seems to be getting especially “isolated”, it’s actually Locus who knows how to gently approach him and pull the guy into a different train of thought (both having once felt like they were “just weapons”, and learning how to be people again). Maine returns the favor, but with a different method; when Locus is in a self-destructive and depressed mood, Maine will just pick him up, then go pick up somebody else, like Wash or Caboose or whoever might be right for the moment, and they have a Friendship Adventure (which usually involves watching cartoons)

-Church and Maine have this silent shared feeling that... doesn't really have a name. Or at least, not one single name. What Maine went through being the Meta, the Fragments all coming together but still feeling that they were "missing" something... and Church, who forgot he was the Alpha AI, and for a long time, never had the chance to be with everybody he cared about, all together... Church has his Fragments again, and they can also still visit with Maine, but none of them will ever be the Meta again, and it still feels like somebody is lost; there is a lot of regret, but also a sad sort of comfort in knowing they can still live. On a happier note, Church and Maine like to cook together~

-Carolina and Wash are in a similar situation of seeing shared pain in each other's eyes; "I tried to kill you" and "I didn't understand you" playing in the back of their heads when they look at each other. What finally helps them get through it is almost pretending like they are just "regular people" meeting for the first time, learning how to share interests and parts of their lives they haven't been able to experience in a while (Carolina spends time watching movies with him, while Wash will enjoy outside/nature activities with him)

-Caboose intuitively understands what Maine is thinking about/trying to say even when he feels like he can't communicate (Maine has learned how to sign, and has a keypad as well, but sometimes it is difficult to just express thoughts into words at all). Maine wishes he could return the favor, but it is much more difficult to understand Caboose... that doesn't mean he doesn't appreciate the effort~

-Donut and Maine are obnoxious together, they do this good cop/bad cop thing when they want the others to participate in re-decorating the living area (for some reason, Maine is the "good cop", but also the "strong silent type" who just backs up all of Donut's weird demands)

-Kai is happily surprised that Maine is so impressed with how flexible she is, so she teaches him all kinds of crazy stretching techniques (it helps with a lot of his muscle-knots and old injuries)

[melis-writes]

Writing update! Sheesh, I haven't done one of these for a while and yes, I hate myself lmao. 😭

A couple of reasons why I haven't been able to get Chapter 3 of Blood Money out yet and onto my other writing:

Writer's block. Plain and simple, I can't believe this hit me but at the same time I can. I've been writing fics on the daily for 2 years straight. I guess it was bound to come, but hilariously so came when I was trying to avoid it the most by lowering the amount of fics I'm actively working on. 🫠🥺

Life. Life in general has just been busy lately, especially work. Relieving off of mental stress after a long day takes up so much time and a lot out of me. It makes me struggle to find inspiration/motivation to write and I hate feeling like I'm forcing myself to write. I'm also in a committed relationship now too. ❤️

Hobbies. Being able to focus and spend time doing my other hobbies just as much as writing is important to me too. I've really missed being able to spend a chunk of my time on video games so I've gone back to do that. 🤞🏻

What now?

I'm wrapping up the last bits of Blood Money's rough draft for Chapter 3. After that, I'll re-write it like I always do, edit, and then post! But I know the REAL question is what comes after Blood Money's chapter update? THE OTHER WOMAN, OF COURSE!! I'm sure we're all ready to see Marina and Michael finally come together for the first time, so that's something very exciting to look forward to!

MAFIA WIFE GIRLIES...

I cannot forget all of you nor do I want to. Of course as you all may know, I'm no longer taking fic ideas for Mafia Wife, at least not until I post the second chapter. Then, I'll make a reminder post again to allow the floodgates of asks to come in so we can see what everyone wants Gabriella and Sonny to get up to! It's going to take twice as long for me to write Chapter 2 of Mafia Wife because I need to sort through the immense list of suggestions I've received over these past few months. I want to incorporate as many of everyone's ideas into chapters as possible, so I'll have to comb through those. I'll make lots of update posts, trust me. 😝💗

That's that! Stay tuned!!

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Frozen

*screeches in delight* Ok so I just finished the TSS masterlist (also please add me to the taglist) and at least in the past, you did literal interpretations of sayings. My question is, does this apply to fight/flight/freeze or brain freeze, and if so, do you have the spoons to write a fic? - diamond-blade

So I just saw this post (do links work in asks? It’s by orbmanson7), and now I want a Logan angst fic where the other sides literally silenced him. Or just any Logan angst, I’m not picky! - anon

Read on Ao3

Warnings: paralysis

Pairings: gen

Word Count: 2284

    Out of all of the ways he envisioned the argument ending, this wasn't one of them.

"Look, if we could all just get on the same page—"

"Same page? You're on a different chapter, Pocket Protector!" Roman throws his hands up. "Matter of fact, a different book! A different library!"

"There really is no need to be so dramatic."

"No—no need?" Roman splutters. "What do you think my job is?"

"It's not to be a constant nuisance!"

"I dunno," Virgil mutters, "could've fooled me."

"Oh, like you can talk!"

"Now, now, everyone—" Patton raises his hands in what is supposed to be a placating manner— "let's stop with all the name-calling and just settle down."

"Oh, I haven't even started name-calling."

"I think the point was to pre-empt any name-calling you may have done," Logan points out, pinching the bridge of his nose.

There really was no reason for this argument to spiral out of control so much. It was simply to decide whether Thomas would spend the day writing—as he had planned for the week and had already declined other weekend activities for, he had expressed multiple times that he wanted to write and in fact, missed it—or whether he would accept the invitation for coffee from someone he'd met a few days earlier.

Logan, of course, had maintained that they decline. They had plans, they had projects, ones that Roman himself had been advocating they work on.

Roman, however, being as fickle as he always is, had the prospect of romance figuratively waved under his nose and he'd been derailed faster than—well, a train derailing.

"Logan's got a point, Princey, you're the one who's been pushing for us to do the projects for like, a month." Virgil leans back against the stair rail. "You realize that this is likely the only time Logan's gonna be agreeing with you on…anything for the next year, right?"

"Logan, on average, how long does 'getting coffee' normally take?"

"Well, based on most estimates the actual act of procuring the coffee takes about five to ten minutes depending on the density of the other customers, extending to forty minutes if during peak rush hours—"

"You know what I meant."

"—but the act of 'getting coffee' in a romantic setting normally lasts at least an hour."

Roman gestures emphatically. "One hour! One hour! We can spare one hour from our busy day of writing to go and get coffee with someone."

"Interrupting your creative process has rarely shown such productivity. Additionally, it is unlikely that it will remain one hour when you account for travel time."

"Aren't you the one who's always advocating for healthy scheduling and taking breaks? I seem to recall a lengthy conversation with both you and Janus about pacing myself." Roman gestures at the door. "This is a way for me to take a break! For all of us to take a break!"

Virgil snorts. "Speak for yourself, Princey. Both you and I are gonna be on the clock."

"Plus—" Roman points at Patton— "the other day you and I were talking about how I need more inspiration! Because we decided that going on quests in the Imagination wasn't good enough, so I need new material! This is how I get new material!"

Patton falters and inwardly, Logan curses. If Roman can get Patton on his side…then the argument is as good as over.

"You also have a tendency to get distracted very easily by new things," he points out, "and it is likely that you will become so preoccupied with fantasies about this new potential suitor that you will lose all motivation or inspiration to work on these projects."

Virgil hums, pointing at him. "He's got a point."

"…he does, kiddo."

Roman makes an affronted noise, all but wilting. "Come on, this'll be good for Thomas!"

"Good for Thomas," Logan asks, "or good for you?"

"What's the difference?"

"Well," he continues, adjusting his glasses, "what's good for Thomas can also be working on these projects he's been letting sit and stagnate for almost a month now to help appease his Anxiety and maintain a consistent level of productivity."

He raises an eyebrow.

"And it allows more than one of us to take 'center stage,' if you will."

"I appreciate the theater reference, but come on, I'm asking you for an hour! Two, tops!"

"We've kinda already set this day aside for you, Roman," Patton says warily, "you—don't you think you're getting a little greedy?"

There are points, Logan has realized, where, in hindsight, he can label them as the moments where the nosedives begin. And while he will grant both Roman and himself the respect to admit they'd been somewhat antagonistic towards each other, Patton's remark had…well.

"Greedy?" Roman draws himself up. "Excuse me, what exactly am I being greedy about?"

"We have already decided this day shall be for writing. That means that you will be the one who is 'in charge,' so to speak, or at the very least your connection to Thomas will be prioritized." Logan gestures around at the others. "However, as Thomas's creative process revolves around us as well, as characters he has created and such, that means we shall also have a part to play, even if yours is disproportionate to ours."

"Okay—"

"However," Logan continues as Roman tries to interrupt him, "if you choose instead to go on this…coffee date—"

"I didn't say it was a date!" Roman holds up a proclamatory finger. "Let the record show I never said it was a date."

"That's kinda what you implied, though," Virgil muttered.

"—if you choose to go," Logan says, speaking over them, "then it will very much be a 'one-man show,' if you will, save for the occasional inputs you deign to allow the rest of us."

"Except me," Virgil adds, "you get no say in that matter."

"So, yes, Roman." Logan crosses his arms. "Trying to force an activity where you have more of a say could be considered greedy."

Roman splutters, looking back and forth as if expecting someone to deny it. When no one does, he puffs himself up and clears his throat. "I am trying to ensure Thomas gets adequate socialization and continues to meet new people! I-if anything, it's Logan who's being greedy for insisting we stick to his strict schedule!"

"Oh, god."

"Roman…"

Logan draws himself up too. "I have at least taken the time and care to make sure that everyone is content with the schedule, whereas you—"

"I"m not content with it! In case that is very much unclear—"

"—insist on blundering through things as you always do and expecting everyone else to cater to your needs—"

"—no, I am not happy with it. And you're the one who insists I have only 0.5% of any given day, were you just looking for an excuse to—"

"—without realizing that we have to work together. I understand that might be a difficult concept for you to grasp—"

"—shut me out? Oh, and here we go again, el principe es estupido, is that the only insult you have?"

"—but I assure you it is a worthwhile endeavor. Perhaps if you were capable of seeing beyond yourself—"

"I don't know how to put other people first? Why do you think I've let this project be pushed off so much, because none of you—"

"—then you might realize that the world does not, in fact, revolve around you and whatever you think is important—"

"—seem to think it's worth doing even though it's Thomas's source of income! You don't understand how hard it is to—"

"—and since you clearly cannot afford even the basic respect of listening to me and letting me speak uninterrupted, then clearly you are not capable of considering the fact that you are not—"

"Shut up!"

—worth having this argument with, is what Logan would say, or perhaps even don't tell me to shut up!

What he ends up saying is nothing.

Nothing at all.

Which is, of course, because he has been frozen.

His arms go rigid at his sides. His lungs refuse to inflate. His eyes begin to water from their inability to blink. His mouth dries up and he stands there, hangs there, freezes there as something horribly cold and deadly seeps into him.

I can't move. I can't move. I can't move.

An interesting thing about pain; pain requires functioning nerves. If you can't feel anything, then you can't feel pain. But if you can't feel pain, then you can't tell when something is wrong. And if you can't tell when something is wrong, you can't tell when it's getting worse.

Mouth open, one hand slightly raised, his weight imperfectly balanced on one leg because he'd been in the middle of shifting, Logan freezes in place. He looks at his hand and for a moment, he doesn't quite recognize that it's his hand because he can't feel it. He can't move it. He can only stare at this thing a few inches in front of him that looks like a hand that used to belong to him.

Then he remembers he can't scream.

"What the fuck did you do?"

"Logan? Logan, are you okay?"

"What the fuck did you do, Roman?"

"I don't know! I didn't—I don't know, I've never done this before!"

"Well, fucking undo it then!"

"I don't know how! I don't—don't shut up! Talk, Logan, say something! Move!"

"It's not working!"

"I can see that it's not working!"

"L, L, you gotta move, you gotta—come on, bud, you gotta."

"Un-shut up! Anti-shut up! Move again! Undo whatever I just did! I take it back!"

"That's not working either!"

"Fuck—I'm sorry, Logan! I didn't mean it, I just got angry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

"Roman, I swear to god, if you can't fix this—"

"Unfreeze!"

Logan gasps, sensation flooding back into his body so quickly it's almost painful. He collapses into a heap as blood rushes through him, pounding so heavily in his ears that it's almost deafening. His hands—his hands, he can move them now—scream with pain as he clenches and unclenches them, his muscles trying slowly to reacclimate to moving, to feeling, to being unfrozen.

"Easy, bud," comes Virgil's low voice, "in for five, okay? One…two…three…four…five. Good, good job. Hold now…"

He lets Virgil walk him through a breathing exercise until he can breathe normally. He looks up and nods when Virgil gives him a quiet you okay?

"Logan, kiddo? You okay, sweetheart?"

"Yes…yes, I think so."

"Go slow, okay," Virgil warns as he starts to stand up again, "you just gotta go slow."

Standing is…challenging, but he manages. The whole ordeal had lasted barely a minute and now that he's able to move again, the panic fades and he can start to function once more. He takes a few more deep breaths to steady himself before he looks around.

Patton is hovering, concern written plainly all over his face. Virgil is next to him, there if he needs to grab onto his shoulder or sink out. Roman is—

Roman is standing on the other side of the room, his hands held over his mouth in horror. There are tears on his face.

"I'm sorry, Logan," he whispers, "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it, I didn't even know I could do that, I—are you okay?"

"Yes," and surprisingly, he is, "I'm alright now. I would…appreciate if that didn't happen again."

"No, no, of course, I won't—I won't do it again. I promise."

"Thank you."

Roman nods, his hands finally moving away from his face. He swallows and draws himself up, although this time it's far more similar to a child trying to save face than an arrogant prince. "I, um…we can…I'll be ready to write on Saturday."

"That would be great, thank you."

"Do you…need or want anything else right now?"

He pauses, considering, before slowly reaching out for him. Roman balks, confusion and fear warring on his features before he slowly crosses the room to let Logan grab onto him.

"You're the warmest," Logan mumbles, lurching forward to hug him—only it ends up being more like leaning his entire weight on Roman while Roman holds him up— "I'm still cold."

"Oh, of—of course." Roman wraps his arms carefully around him and Logan hums. "Would—do you want to sit on the couch?"

"Mm."

"…was that a 'yes?'"

"Yes."

Roman helps him carefully over to the couch as Virgil and Patton pull out the coffee table to make room for everyone's limbs. Logan turns his face against Roman's shoulder and closes his eyes.

"I'm going to sleep here now."

"Okay." Roman adjusts his grip so he won't get a strain in his neck. "I really am sorry, Logan."

"I know." He blinks up at him. "We can't do Saturday, but maybe…we may be able to do Sunday?"

Roman smiles. "We can talk about it later. You should sleep now."

And so he does.

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[misakicchi]

To the Commandant...

Lucia Activation Letter || June 15

Long time no see, Commandant... Although this solo mission has only lasted about a month, I feel that I have left you and Gray Raven for a long time.

The battle on the western front has just calmed down, with the enemy being temporarily forced a few kilometers away. The task has been complete, and I shall be returning to Babylonia in a few days. The waiting period to go back is too long, I have a lot of things to say to you, not just about the mission report, but I also what I have seen, heard and felt these days that I was away... and spend the day with you to pay back the days that I was not by your side.

It would be great if I could come with everyone for this mission. Although I can still complete these missions independently. I always subconsciously look for everyone in the place I am in.

I want to tell Liv about the newly found flowers, Lee with the survey results of those unknown data, and I want to... see you sooner...

To be honest... I don't quite understand these feelings, because the only thing I want is to see you... not just with something that needs to be discussed or a task that must be reported...

It's just.. I just want to see you.

When the sun rises, I think of you hand pointing to the sun...

When I cut off a corrupted, I thought of the way you raised your head against the wind... when you are walking in the rainstorm... and when you saw a real gray raven soaring in the sky. I would always think of you for no reason.

This must be because I haven't traveled this far for a long time, but please don't worry about me, the thoughts and concerns about 'Lucia' will not stop my steps an blades in the slightest.

As I reported, the mission has been successfully completed, and I will be back soon, Commandant.

Before that, please accept the "souvenir" I got you from this mission... this is also my wish for Launch Day, I hope the Commandant will have something for them to keep.

And when you look at it, you can think of me.

From: Lucia

Invitation Letter: Lucia

Title: From Lucia's Handbook

It's early morning, and I'm sitting on the edge of the bomb crater, which still huge and still has water in it. There seems to be some piece of grass here, and by the edge of the crater has brownish-yellow soil evidently seen. Beside me, a small reddish flower grew on the overturned soil. If Liv were here, she would definitely recognize the name of this flower.

I really miss spending time with Gray Raven and the Commandant. Although it w only a short period of time to be separated from everyone during this mission, it always felt like several months have passed, it is as if time has become longer. Is it because I am relying more on everyone more and more?

Commandant, will this be a good change or a bad change?

Probably because I parted with the Commandant for a while... I have a lot to say and I don't know what to say. Where to start, how to describe the past memories I had with Commandant.

Everything I have experienced with everyone... the countless moments spent with Commandant, they always seem to affect me in the sea of consciousness. Even now, that wonderful feeling has not subsided.

So I chose to use this method to record what I experienced and share it with the Commandant. Just describing these things to you and letting you see what I see makes me feel like you're still there with me, and that's good., that counts as a shared memory between us.

When I was writing this, it seems two birds has passed by me. Before I could see what they looked like, they flew further away...

At this moment, the sun on the sky begins to rise.

From: Lucia

[lgbtqlegends]

hii are u still updating your fics?

hi anon! sorry for the late reply, I've been out and about and spending time with my family all day. in short, yes, i am,,, kind of? i haven't necessarily actively written anything in the past few months because of. life and brain reasons, which is why there haven't been any updates or new fics being dropped, however I have absolutely zero (0) intentions of abandoning any of my fics or any of my fics with mod chocolate, it just might take me/us a little while longer to find our footing and get back on our feet in terms of writing. but i/we will, rest assured. i love and miss writing dearly, and i'm really hoping to be able to get back to doing it soon <3

thank you so much for the ask anon, and the interest/continued interest in my fics, even with my unexpected hiatus <3

[lonelywretchjervistetch]

My DC Cinematic Universe: Superman (Part IX)

Chapter Nine: Superman

It's at this time that we finally begin the story for this first theoretical film. Bits and pieces have been added throughout this elongated essay series, but this post is the culmination of these efforts, as well as fixing or clarifying a few things I've already mentioned.

Now, before anything else, there is something I need to make abundantly clear. I am not a writer. I am not a screenplay writer, a comic book writer, or a writer of any other kind. My name is published in scientific papers, and my training is primarily in ecology and ornithology. I have a bunch of ideas about comics and webcomics, but haven't really finished them (as of yet). I have written a healthy number of film reviews on my side profile, but I DEFINITELY wouldn't call them literary masterpieces. So, yeah, absolutely not a writer.

However, what I am is a MASSIVE goddamn nerd who spends a lot of time thinking about how he would make movies about various comic book characters. Superman, of course, is one of those characters. So, before we start, here are a few things to keep in mind. This is meant to be lighter in tone, and more down to Earth than most Superman films tend to be. Think more like Superman: The First Movie, but a touch more serious nd introspective when it comes to our main character. And again, not a writer, so some blanks may have to be filled in here or there as we go along.

OK, OK, without further ado...let's see what we can do. Flash the DC logo, let's get started!

Prologue: Up in the Sky

We're gonna bookend this film with narration from Lois Lane, specifically pieces that she's writing on Superman and Metropolis. Gonna be mostly show and less tell, but Lois will help introduce us to the city. And in the beginning, we'll go from the opening directly to the street. Bustling activity on the sidewalk, people starting their day as the sun rises, and tracking life in Metropolis, right from the start.

Metropolis, for all intents and purposes, should feel like a real city. I'm talking Chicago, I'm talking New York. But, where Gotham represents those cities in the dead of night, when fear lurks in the darkness, we'll be seeing Metropolis shortly after sunrise, just as the city begins to wake up. And again, this should feel like a real city, with character and flavor all its own. And Lois' narration should reflect and describe that character. A city that's always been grasping towards a bright future, but is inhabited by those comfortable living in the modern day. A place of tomorrows that hold onto the past. Nostalgia tempered by ambition. Y'know, that kinda stuff.

As Lois begins to describe the feel and life in the city, as well as recent changes and strife, we go to Hob's Bay, a older harborside neighborhood, and one of the oldest in Metropolis. a man visits a news stand and picks up a paper. This man is Bibbo Bibowski, a local character and owner of the Ace o'Clubs pub, and he picks up a local paper, the Daily Star. He looks at the Daily Planet, which is reporting on Superman, and grimaces. Not a fan, clearly. He puts in a pair of headphones, and turns on a podcast, Leslie Willis' Live Wire. Yeah, on the nose, I know, but you get it.

As Bibbo's walking to work, he bumps into a clumsy young man, whom he identifies as Jimmy Olsen. The two are friendly, but you can see a brief clash of ideologies as Bibbo refers to Jimmy's job at the Daily Planet as less than respectable, given their stance on certain issues. Jimmy brushes this off, because he's going to be late to work. He grabs some food from a stand, then gets a rideshare to the Daily Planet. But before he can get there...

Why yes, that IS a clip from the 1997 film Steel, starring Shaquille O'Neal. And yes, this IS for a good reason! So, Jimmy's in the ride share, texting Lois to let her know that's he's on his way to the office. But, on the way, a crime erupts when the Metropolis PD race by, interrupting traffic. Jimmy, following the normal actions of an intrepid reporter (according to Lois, anyway), asks the driver to follow them. When they get there, they see the police interrupting a robbery.

Lois' narration continues, telling us that crime has been getting worse, with gangs taking claim over various territories, using increasingly powerful weaponry. This weaponry, in this case is the Toastmaster, a powerful weapon used by the White Rabbit Gang of Hob's Bay. Caught smuggling the weapons by the police, a fire fight has erupted. The Special Forces Unit, led by Maggie Sawyer and Dan Turpin, arrives with their own firepower and manages to subdue some of the gang members. But at that point, a much larger Toastmaster, the BG-105, is brought out by a member of the gang, each of whom have a white rabbit on their jackets. He fires the gun, and it's obvious that the cops are outmatched. It's also at this point that Jimmy's out of the car, taking pictures for a story.

A gang member grabs a box and runs away, backed up by his compatriots. And as the danger's increased significantly, and Maggie and Dan are about to be blasted by this Toastmaster...

Part One: This is Your Life, Clark Kent

So, yeah, obviously this is when Superman shows up. We flash the title screen real fast, play his bombastic leitmotif, and we jump right back into the action. Superman gets hit by the blast, and you can immediately tell that this isn't the normal kind of hit you'd expect Superman to take. Normally, we see Superman sort of glance off bullets and energy blasts like nothing, but this clearly has more kick to it. Superman takes a few steps forward through the blast, struggling a bit as he does it, while Sawyer and Turpin and the rest of the unit mobilize on the other members of the gang present. Even then, though, one of the gang members escapes, scared and not wanting to be caught. Superman is, of course, there to take out the big Toastmaster and provide needed backup for the cops.

The fight ends, Superman has some interaction with Maggie Sawyer and Turpin (the latter of whom is slightly more non-plussed by Superman getting into police business), and he takes off. Jimmy looks on at this, then looks at his photos, all of which are genuinely fantastic. Jimmy, for the record, should be a great photographer. And that should be agreed upon at the Daily Planet, where Jimmy arrives to the angry shouts of editor-in-chief Perry White.

Perry's shouting for Jimmy, as well as any reporters who have info on the White Rabbit attack that's just happened. Jimmy walks into a meeting, where we meet each of the major members of the Daily Planet crew. I've described them of Part V of this essay series, but real quick in this sequence, we get some basic descriptions of their roles in the paper.

Cat Grant is a gossip columnist, whose current focus is on Lex Luthor and his relationship with some Contessa from Italy, as well as other prescient gossip. She's been essentially removed from the Superman beat, which she's still kinda bitter towards Lois about, but whatever. However, over the course of the Superman franchise, Cat will find herself orienting more towards superhero and supervillain reporting, moving her into a slightly different role than she's had in the comics.

Steve Lombard, sports columnist, is focusing on an upcoming game between the Metropolis Meteors (a team which he used to serve on) and the Gotham Wildcats, the winner of which is set up go up against either the Midway Cardinals or the Star City Stags to determine standing in the National Conference. He rambles on about it, but Perry cuts him off.

Ron Troupe, political columnist, is reporting on politician Gordon Crown's campaign, which includes his stance on the crime increase, as well as the struggles of the police. This is our introduction to the some of the sociopolitical strain in Metropolis, which is obviously a major theme going forward, as well as Crown's goal.

It's at this point that Jimmy comes in, with reports of the photos he's gotten for a new story. He looks for Lois, who's on the crime beat and the city beat alongside Clark, and is also not there. Nor is city beat reporter Clark, and we see that their seats at the table are empty, much to Perry's irritation. He asks where Lois is, and we find out exactly where she is.

Here, we finally put face to the narration, as Lois Lane arrives at the crime scene in order to speak with Sawyer, Turpin, and the recently arrived Chief William Henderson, who is speaking with Superman and giving his thanks. Lois, being the intrepid reporter, tries to get an interview with anybody who'll give her the time of day. Basically everybody's in a hurry to leave, as the police are needed for an upcoming press conference with Gordon Crown, which Ron Troupe is also attending. But one person does interact with Lois: Superman. They obviously have a previous press-informer relationship, as Superman gives Lois a healthy amount of info about the events that had unfolded, then takes off after a polite (if slightly awkward) greeting. And once he takes off, running up and out of breath right after is Clark Kent, who had not gotten to the scene as a result of traffic, and was "beat to the punch" by Lois.

So, yeah, obviously Clark and Superman are one and the same, but I'm really trying to carve out a distinct difference between the two identities. Clark is Superman's real face, but he would try and play it up just a little bit to throw suspicion off of himself. Most of the time, this isn't an issue, but there is somebody who's come close to figuring out his secret: Lois. And we get this idea throughout the film. Anyway, Clark and Lois' dynamic is notably different, and we should see the change. The two are clearly friendly towards each other, although we should get the idea that this is a recent development. As reporters, they engage in some friendly competition and banter, but they're also somewhat too busy to hang out outside of work. Which is another dichotomy to enforce. Y'know, Superman is too busy for Lois, but Lois is too busy for Clark. It's symmetry! Anyway, after some pleasant and likeable conversation, the two head to work together.

Two more things real quick. Firstly, the romantic tension isn't quite out in the open as of yet, but there's definitely chemistry between the two. You should get the sense of a pre-existing relationship, with some potentially romantic overtones, but it's not crystallized yet. After all, romance between these two isn't exactly tension, since it's inevitable, but we should see the hints of it beginning to blossom. And it will blossom, but in an unexpected manner. Why?

Well, that brings us to our second point: Lois knows that Clark is Superman, but Clark doesn't know that Lois knows. Because let's be goddamn honest about something: Lois is absolutely a bullshit detector. And her insanely intrepid nature has led her to realize that Clark and Superman are one and the same. But she's mostly wrestling with ethics here. Does she ruin this person's life, and almost certainly the lives of others by telling a truth that doesn't need to be outed...or does she continue to gather information on this person, and try and understand them further to get a more fleshed-out story? And, of course, that was Lois' original plan, but she's realized that Clark is his own person, and not actually pretending to be something he isn't, in both of his identities. And in the process, she actually found herself liking Clark as a person, and not just as a story. But the distance between his identities is still hard for her to reconcile, so she's still figuring things out. But by the end of this film, she'll know exactly what she wants, and how she feels about Clark and Superman.

We cut from those two, and to an alleyway, to where the gang member who'd escaped earlier has run. A car pulls up, and the person inside is Bruno Manheim, who is being played by Tony Dalton in this essay. Somebody suggested it, and I like him for the part, honestly. The gang member is let into the car, and a friendly-seeming Bruno chats it up with them. Apparently, this struggle was part of a trade deal between the White Rabbits and Manheim's group, Intergang, but someone had tipped Manheim and his men off, meaning that Intergang didn't show up to the deal. Who tipped them off isn't said, however.

Manheim wants the Toastmasters, but now wants to deal directly with the boss of the Rabbits, whose identity is not well-known. After a conversation, Manheim intimidates the Rabbit and tells him he wants a meeting with their boss. He convinces the member to help arrange the meeting, and to tell only the boss so that this kind of thing wouldn't happen again. He lets the freaked-out Rabbit go, and relaxes in the back of his car.

A partition lowers, and a man in the passenger seat asks why he let him go. One, Manheim has other places to be; and two, at some point during the talk, Manheim slipped a tracker on the young Rabbit. Yes, this is a tech-savvy gang, and Manheim is not entirely stupid. He tells the driver to drop him off at "the rally", and then tells the man in the passenger seat to track down the rabbit. This man, John Corben, smiles at the request, and the group takes off. Oh, and the pre-Metallo Corben is played by Wilson Bethel in this essay.

OK, we're getting a little bogged down in the details, but let's continue following the story. At this point, I've been building up to a rally that's set to take place that afternoon. As Lois and Clark arrive at the Planet, they interact with the other members of the bullpen in various stages of their day, and we get to know see the inter-office relationships. Most prominently, of course, is Jimmy and our duo, and the three are pretty clearly often associated with each other. They go to meet Perry, he's a little pissed at how late they were, but lets it go in Lois' case when he hears their intel for the overarching story. But since Clark hasn't come in with a story, Perry assigns him to accompany Troupe to the upcoming Crown rally, and to get interviews with the audience members present, while Troupe interviews Crown himself. Clark agrees, and Jimmy offers to accompany them to get pictures of the event.

After this meeting, Clark gets a call from his folks, who are packing to head to Metropolis later that week on a visit. We get a hint that Jonathan Kent recently visited a doctor for cardiac concerns, but little more than a mention. Clark goes to meet Troupe, who's somewhat dismissive, but not out of any malice. It's from him and Olsen than we get an idea of who Gordon Crown is, as well as his views, and what the rally is going to focus upon.

Crown (played by Will Poulter for the purpose of this essay, and because I think he'd be a solid cast), is a young, likeable politician currently running for public office, after having been a popular political pundit working for the rival to the Daily Bugle, the Morgan Edge-owned company Galaxy Communications. On good terms with the Planet staff, he's an affable person with somewhat conservative views. Not everyone agrees with him, but he's got a reliable base. Interestingly, he's particularly critical of superheroes and vigilantes, having built his career on a very anti-crime platform.

He's also a very fast social climber, but this is attributed to him either being a massive suck-up (which he is when necessary), or just very good at his job (which he definitely seems to be). In any case, his success is undeniable, and his popularity is climbing, as seen by the decent number of people at the rally. This number includes Clark, Ron, and Jimmy, amongst other reporters; Inspector Henderson and Maggie Sawyer, who've just arrived; LexCorp representative Mercy Graves (more on her later), there in place of her boss; and pulling up in a limo in the back, Bruno Manheim. He gets out, then tells his driver he knows what to do. The driver pulls around the corner, then parked the car in an alley, bringing a gun with him.

He climbs up to the roof, and as this happens, we get a glimpse at Gordon Crown. We see him talking backstage with Mercy Graves, where she's giving him a message from Lex. He finishes that conversation, then greets Henderson and talks about the events of the day in terms of the White Rabbit Gang, just before going onstage. Just then, the driver sets up a rifle on a rooftop opposite the rally. Obviously, we're looking at an assassination attempt. However, before anything happens, the man leaves, simply setting up the gun and hooking it up to a technological device of some kind. He gets it set up, then leaves after setting a timer of some kind.

Once he makes it into the car, he watches on a screen in the car. When the time is right, he presses the button, and an obvious (obvious) laser light shines on Crown. Everyone sees this, including Clark, who speeds off to intercept the bullet. The gun fires, a bullet hits Superman, who's just arrived, and Crown locks eyes with a passing car, which holds Manheim staring at him through the window, and winking. Crown sees this, Crown understands this...but he says nothing. Instead, he takes the opportunity to thank Superman, even though it's apparent that he doesn't really want to. Superman goes to find the culprit, but to no avail.

After the shooting and the police follow-up, Lois arrives to cover this event, as it falls beneath her wheelhouse. After the stressful day, Jimmy invites Clark, Lois, and Ron to go to the Ace o' Clubs and take a load off. Ron passes, but Clark and Lois agree, and the group decides to meet up that night. Once there, we see that Crown has quickly rebounded, and is meeting with an anchor on a local news program, recounting the events of that day. Bibbo, with this channel on at the pub, comments to various individuals in the bar (Jimmy included) that some people (him included) think Superman was in on it, trying to make himself look like a big hero in front of the audience, and in front of Crown, his biggest detractor. Which, frankly, is a solid argument.

Lois agrees that the idea would be a good story, while Jimmy vehemently disagrees. He's a big fan of Superman, and he knows he was trying to do the right thing. CLark doesn't say much, since he doesn't like to comment on...well, himself. He does agree that it's a plausible theory, though. The three have a conversation about Superman, maybe about other similar figures that have appeared in the city or elsewhere, and give us a better idea of the environs in which we find ourselves.

From there, we go to a very nice house in Martinside, a very wealthy district of the city. A car pulls up to this house, and Gordon Crown exits. He enters the house, where in an office meeting with some of his men, Bruno Manheim is sitting and laughing. When Crown enters, he dismisses everybody but Corben, his right hand man. Crown's clearly a little upset at the assassination attempt, as there was no way Manheim could've known that Superman would show up. Manheim brushes it off, as the wound the bullet was meant to inflict would've been non-lethal, and that whoever his tech connections were knew what they were talking about with the remote rifle.

Crown capitulates this, and thanks Manheim for his cooperation. He also regrets the fact that Superman was there, as it could've helped his public image. Still, he thinks he's spun the angles all right, all things considered. The two have a shared moment of hatred for Superman, but Manheim seems to think he'll be able to take care of him soon. A curious Crown asks how, and Manheim credits his own connections. Just then, we hear someone else enter the room, with a clack of heels.

Now here's where things get a little...tricky. This is Angora Lapin (yes, really), played in this essay by Taraji P. Henson. In the comics, Angora is a villain of Steel, AKA John Henry Irons, having stolen his experimental weapons and work to make the Toastmaster and issue it to the streets for cash. She's the leader of the White Rabbit Gang in this film, and is called White Rabbit in the comics. And she's also implied to be an albino black woman. Which is...hard to cast.

Shout out, by the way, to Diandra Forrest, the only albino black actress I could find. I hope her career goes well, because it's very much in its infancy at the moment. But, for now, we're gonna go with Henson. Now, to be fair, Lapin is basically a cameo here, but she's received the message about meeting with Manheim to make a deal about the Toastmasters. Crown stays during this interaction, which Lapin clocks but cares little about. Manheim, in fact, states that Crown is under the protection of Intergang, and that he'll make things good for them in Gotham. Lapin and her gang can have in on that as well, if they make a deal for the Toastmasters, and lays low for a little while, working for Intergang in the process. Lapin agrees, but also notes that they didn't do much against Superman.

And that's when Crown interjects. His connections may be able to help with that.

Finally, this night in Metropolis is coming to a close. All of this has happened within one day. Clark and Lois leave Jimmy at the Ace O' Clubs, with both Lois and Clark headed home. They say their goodbyes, with Lois' dialogue indicating some kind of knowledge about Clark's secret life, which is easily played off as a joke. They say good night, and Clark goes back to the apartment. He reads some messages from his folks, who've obviously seen the news about the assassination attempt, and are checking in on their son. Clark responds with a smile, maybe even calls, and then heads to bed for the night.

But in his sleep, Clark has dreams that he's encased in crystal, cold and alone in an empty void. Other visions come to him, and we see glimpses of Krypton's destruction and his past. Clark, in this universe, doesn't know a lot about his past, save that he's from another planet, and that he didn't have these abilities from birth. He also knows of his connection with the sun of Earth, and that the ship he arrived here inside of is largely made of crystal and otherworldly metals. But the uncertainty, combined with these dreams of a forgotten past, is a constant thought with him. And when he wakes up in a cold sweat (which Clark doesn't usually do), he gets up and flies into the night as Superman, using his vision to see the stars beyond the light pollution from the city below.

And that's the end of...Act One.

Shit. SHIT. It's gonna be longer than nine parts, isn't it? Dammit.

Index: Superman

Part I: Why I Love Superman

Part II: On Lois Lane

Part III: The Kents

Part IV: The 'Rents

Part V: The...Frendts?

Part VI: Lex Luthor

Part VII: The Real Villains

Part VIII: Superman's Rogues Gallery

Part IX: The Story - Act One

Part X: The Story (Acts Two and Three)

Part XI: The Story - Climax

Part XII: Epilogue (Part One)

Part XIII: Epilogue (Part Two)

[anotherghoul666]

12, 18, 37! I hope you're having a good night!

Hi Trouble!! ❤️❤️ Thank you for the ask!

12. Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? Yes. Multiple times. Because of a variety of reasons. I recall having done that a good handful of times in my university years, especially during exam weeks and finals. I'd have a normal day then stay up to study, then loose track of time, spend overnight at the library, ride out the fatigue-induced delirium by watching the sunrise at the top of the hill my university was on, overlooking the city, listening to 70s prog rock and crying, then walk into one more day of exams, do my whole day, hit my second wind and be unable to sleep after that XD I've also had to do that a few times in the past few years. Isomnia is a thing. I work night shifts but sometimes I have to flip myself on a day shift for formations or meetings or family activities or trips so 30-ish hours is something semi-usual for me. When I got covid last summer I coughed so much I was completely unable to sleep for almost three days until my pharmacist found a syrup that finally stopped my coughing spasm and then I slept for an entire 24 hours at once to recover. It happens XD

18. Are you scared of spiders? So. On one hand spiders fascinate me. I like the concept of the creature. I think they look rad. I like them in theory. In practice, it's the skittering man. I can't deal with how fast they walk and how they crawl up walls, I feel spiders outsmart us humans routinely and it makes me uncomfortable to see them walk. That's probably a very primitive, lizard brain response that I haven't been able to outgrow yet. Spiders skittering spike my adrenaline. I like spiders outside of my house, I love them in nature, I watch them make their webs and shit and they're such architects, I'd never hurt one in nature. But I feel like, dude, if you're INSIDE MY HOME you're tresspassing and I have a right to defend myself and my people / pets, you know? XD

37. Is it easier to forgive or forget? Oooooh hitting with the deep shit are we! I like this! I feel like both are difficult for me. My neurodivergent brain registers and preserves strong painful moments in my life like an archive, like a damn museum. If a situation or a person ellicits a strong negative emotion in me, it's like a mark, it will stay there forever. I can recall entire conversations word for word from years and years back, from when I was a kid even, and it blows people's minds how accurate my memory is. I wish I could uninstall that function honestly, or have that level of memory for positive things at least, but I don't. Positive moments I have to actively produce physical memories from like pictures and videos or else I will 100% forget about them. I don't know which kind of trauma response that is, but that's how my brain functions and I gotta deal with it XD So like, I don't forget. I can make myself not think of the thing, I can think of other stuff, it's not like every negative memory I've ever had pops out in my mind constantly otherwise I would not function. But the archive is always there and it's pristine. On the other hand, I'm also a person that's sometimes fueled by spite and I motivate myself via anger lots. I am a spiteful motherfucker, I hold grudges. I've put a lot of work into deconstructing the anger in therapy over the years, but part of it is also to accept that this is how I am and it's ok. I vibe with acceptance therapy a lot. So. I hold on to grudges. It's weirdly comfortable. It's a comfort zone to begrudge. Sometimes I just don't want to forgive cause I loose the fire and the motivation to do better or maintain distance with someone toxic. I have boundaries, but what gives me the strength to hold them up proudly and say, no more, never doing that again / letting someone do that to me again, it's the grudge sometimes. Forgiveness is a strange beast. I'll forgive when the anger doesn't serve me anymore. I forgive once I'm done using something as fuel, once it drains more evergy than it provides. I don't forgive for others, I forgive for myself, and that's a process that's not the easiest. tl;dr they're both hard as fuck for me XD woops!

Those were super interesting to jump into, thanks Trouble! :D

[schizosupport]

Hi! I hope it's okay that I'm asking for slightly personal advice, I feel you are more understanding than most, although I also don't know many other neurodivergent people, and your blog has helped me (and others!) so much. I'm schizophrenic and have a lot of sensory issues. My friends birthday is coming up next week, we're going to spend the day together. She loves to go shopping and out to eat and all of the fun stuff. We're planning on going to the mall, then target, then dinner, then my place. I absolutely hate going to malls and huge stores such as target or Walmart. I'm dreading it actually, (not spending time with her just the shopping part.) I get very overstimulated by all the sounds and noises and I also get paranoid about the people around us, so it's a lot. But I want to go for her since it's her bday and I don't see her much. Do you have any advice on how to help with getting overstimulated, and how to help with my paranoia?

Hi there! It's no problem at all, I usually answer all types of questions, unless I'm too tired and forget, but that's nothing to do with the type of question ;)

Ok so for sensory issues and paranoia in this type of situation.. Hmm, first off, I feel the need to ask if your friend is aware that this might not be the ideal environment for the two of you to hang out? It's valid for you all to still go, if it's something she really loves and wants to share with you, but if she isn't aware, I also think that it's both ok and a good idea to let her know that this will be a lot for you.

In some situations in the past I would push myself past my limit without even letting people know I was close the edge, and in the end it resulted in me being distant at events, or even breaking down. On a few occasions, even if my goal had been to make my friends happy, I ended up accidentally ruining their plans. Even if it's not close to a breaking point, I generally recommend honesty. In its own way, I feel like 'going to the mall is really difficult for me, but I know it makes you happy, so I'm going to do my best and come with!' is a really really sweet notion.

Another reason why it's good to bring it up with your friend (if you haven't already) is because it might be nice for her to be in on the contingency plans.

Overstimulation come in many flavors. For those who get auditory overstimulation, a pair of headphones with familiar sounds (and perhaps even active noise cancelling) can be a godsend. But to the casual observer who may not know of the struggle, they might take it as a sign that their friend is bored or not feeling social, if they put on headphones. For me, visual overstimulation is a huge thing. The only "cure" I know is to close my eyes. If I'm with trusted people who know, they can guide me for a bit, and let me know when it's safe to look. If I'm alone I'll retreat to sit somewhere where I can just keep my eyes closed for a while.

There's many other cases ofc, but my point is. It's really helpful if your friend is aware in what way you might get overstimulated, what are the symtoms, and how she may be able to help/what not to take personally. It's also fair in this type of situation to have an agreement that while you are coming with, in case it's more triggering than expected, and you feel poorly, there should be a plan B.

It's not rude to have a plan B together, in fact it's important. That way your friend is prepared that this could happen, and it will be a less sudden change of plans if it happens, which will make it easier emotionally for both of you.

Often, even just knowing that a plan B exists, is enough to calm me down to go through with plan A.

Mall - Target - dinner - your place does sound like a lot of context changes. If the plan is not set in stone, it might be worthwhile to consider simplifying a little.

You could bring takeout back to your place, for example. I find that after a long and overstimulating day, sitting in a potentially noisy restaurant environment is often the last thing I want. If you cook, you could also offer to cook something for her (ideally something you can mostly prepare in advance). This gives you a good excuse to head home a bit early.

Alternatively, i guess target is a store that is separate from the mall. So maybe if you skip target, you can have dinner at the mall, and then you get to go straight home after.

I know this might not be the advice you're hoping for, but to be honest I think that making realistic plans and managing expectations is a very important aspect of taking care of yourself (AND your relationships).

Most good friends don't want us to push us past our limits, and it's important that we let them know when we are near one, so they have a chance to take it into account.

As far as managing paranoia in public places go, I have not found a foolproof way. Getting enough sleep and food, trying to avoid overstimulation and overexertion, and having contingency plans is all part of the game. In the past I've used mantras that helped, until they became a compulsion, so it's not really a recommendation.

For me my looks can matter. If I feel dirty or unkempt I'm more likely to feel that I stand out. It helps to wear clothes that make me feel confident, either in a low-key trying to blend in way, or in a high key alternative fashion look at my clothes not me way.

Sometimes mapping out escape routes/plans in the back of my head can calm me down, but at other times it's just triggering..

I don't think there's any one size fits all approach available, but the main thing is that if you haven't already, I think you should let your friend know that while you are very excited to do all the things with her in theory, experience tells you it might be a lot. And then have an honest talk with her about what to do if it's too much, or if there's some way to make the plan a bit more realistic.

Best of luck in any case, I hope you have fun with your friend regardless!!

[diaryofabrokegirl]

Dating at 31 in the 21st century. 

Long has past the day I thought I was going to get married. Growing up, I always thought I was going to be married by the latest, 27. That is the age my mom had me, which for whatever reason was the last year my juvenile mind gave me to get married. While I crept up to 26, my life was nowhere near where I thought it would be. I was back living at my dad's house, back in university, casually dating guys I knew I wouldn't be spending forever with. Fast forward to 31, I am no longer living with my dad, I am in a new city ( well not really new, but new in the sense that I haven't lived here in over 6 years). I am running two businesses while completing a master’s degree. 

Dating isn't my top priority, but I also know I am not getting younger and doing things with a significant other at times seems better than doing them alone. I have spent the majority of my first year in this city finding myself (for the 6 millionth time), casually dating (mostly dating app dates), and trying to make enough money to survive ( yay Victoria living). Since I dont have a lot of free time, I have pretty much scratched off the notion of running into the love of my life at a coffee shop. I am also not a huge fan of going to bars, add in the barely having any friends here situation and there really only leaves one place to find people; dating apps. 

I am no stranger to these apps. I use 3 in particular. Each of these has its own reputation, after listening to what other women have said, Tinder is a great app to meet up quickly and get laid. Hinge an app to meet a potential significant other. Bumble is a mix between the two, I am still undecided on if I even like this app. I have met people from all 3 apps and feel like I am almost ready to give up on dating and really settle into my spinster cat lady status. 

Up until the beginning of this month ( the month I turned 31), I was cooling down on dating apps. You might say the nerves of being 31 and alone crept up on me, but I logged on and tried my luck again. I updated my profiles and decided to start the swiping game. I matched quickly with people on each app and decided I would give 4 guys chances. Dwindling down my choices was strategic, I went with two guys that were not my usual type, one that I thought might be out of my league, and one guy that I was definitely my type. I did keep talking to some randoms, just in case. 

Immediately, I found the two guys that were not my type. We matched and they were very active in talking to me. One I met up with and after our dinner, I unmatched and gave him an “I'm sorry, I'm not interested” text. The next guy was actually sweet. We went out a couple of times, but after a few hangouts, he started showing controlling vibes, which I’m not here for so I let him know my thought and have been slowly ceasing communications. I won't lie, because I myself am a bit strange and unusual, I thought maybe I would end up with someone super, not my type and maybe opposite than me. One was from Tinder and the other from Bumble. 

The man that I thought was out of my league, was not, he was just pretty. This guy was actually a jerk. I knew from the moment I sat down for brunch, I was never going to be speaking to him again. This guy knew the right things to say via text, but his IRL personality sucked and he was rude to the waitresses so, hard pass. I met this guy off Hinge. 

This brings us to the last guy, coincidentally the guy I decided to ask out on a last-minute date after I found out some good work news and wanted to go for a beer. This was the only guy I didn't do a hardcore CIA deep-dive into. I decided I would meet him at the brewery down the road, where I personally know a lot of the people who work there. So if anything weird happened I knew I’d be safe. This guy is a charmer. He is not only funny and good-looking but down to earth. Not sure why I didn't start with him- haha. BUT here is where the issues come, dating in the 21st century as someone with anxiety is BRUTAL. We had a great date, it went on past the brewery and into dinner and music bingo. Now two days later, I’m being that weirdo sitting by the phone wondering if our last communication ( this morning) would be our forever last messages. 

Ghosting is single-handedly ( in my eyes) the most terrifying action that has happened in dating. If you’re new to dating right now, here is a quick update: Ghosting, also known as simmering or icing, is a colloquial term which describes the practice of ending all communication and contact with another person without any apparent warning or justification and subsequently ignoring any attempts to reach out or communication made by said person. Or could it be that he is also just casually dating others? Or did it not go as well as I thought… see what I mean, dating sucks. Another part of this that is brutal is that I dont have many girlfriends, so I dont really have many people to talk to about this.

There seems to be a list of no-nos/advice when it comes to dating that I’ve come to learn from girl groups on Facebook. 

If you message first in the morning, let the other person message you first after any type of break in communication. 

Dont message first more than two times in a row. 

Dont message too fast after a long break in communication ( 1+ hours). 

If they respond with a singular emoji, it could be a sign that they aren't into you. 

Going over this list, I am trying to follow it, since it's something I've never followed before. SO far it has me anxious and hoping he messages me back. So anxious, that I decided I’d start blogging again. 

To anyone else sitting in the same boat as me right now, I wish you luck and hope it works out.

[a-killer-obsession]

Wavelengths [Killer x Reader, Heat x Reader]

🔞 Minors DNI 🔞

A search for a rumored Vegapunk weapon leads the Kid Pirates to an unexpected new crewmate, with a bloodlust that rivals their own and an incredible power.

CW: Please check AO3 for all current warnings, but general warning for smut, slow burn, serious gore, and really dark themes. AFAB reader, she/her pronouns.

Masterlist || AO3 || Chapter 1

Chapter 30 - A Shock to the System

Nothing like marines and stupid people to ruin a girl's good mood.

WC: ~4k

Taglist: @h0n3y-l3m0n05 @tremendoushorsepatrolgoth @iggy5055

“MARINE SHIP, GET OF YOUR A- hang on, what the fuck is happening in here?” Kid went from roaring his warning to leaning against the door frame with a smug look on his face. You pushed Heat away and pulled your skirt down before Kid could spend any more time checking out your bare ass, shuffling indignantly off the bed to find your discarded panties. Heat and Killer exchanged annoyed, disappointed groans as they tucked themselves back in and tidied their clothes.

“Nothing is happening, captain,” you muttered, sliding your panties on and grabbing your mask, “because like always, those marine cunts had to go and ruin it. I'm gonna fucking sink their ship.”

“Be my guest, sweetheart,” Kid laughed as you slid past him into the hall, followed closely by Killer and Heat. You didn't even bother to go find your weapons, you'd just use your devil fruit for this one. “We need their eternal pose for the base first though, but once we have it you can feed them to the seakings”

He watched you stomp away down the hall, more than mad that your fun had been ruined, followed by two equally grumpy, half-hard men. He followed Killer as he started to make his way down the hall behind you, more than curious, and a little annoyed, at what he’d walked in on.

“What gives Kil?” Kid groaned as he followed him out to the deck, Killer loading the blades on his punishers, “You share with Heat but not your best friend?”

“You haven't exactly been acting like my friend the last few days, Kid,” Killer replied coldly. “Or been kind to her. I thought you'd be happy for me, but instead you screamed in both of our faces, and haven't bothered to talk to either of us since. And by the way, the door was locked for a reason, you can’t just use your fruit to come busting in whenever the fuck you feel like it”

Heat made himself sparse, not wanting anything to do with the can of worms Killer was opening, opting to follow you instead to bark orders at the newbies. You hadn't had a chance yet to ask the girls what their fighting capabilities were, so you were more than anxious to find out now.

“Kil..” Kid scratched the back of his head as he followed behind the first mate, idly using his fruit to send cannonballs back at the marine ship but not really paying attention. “Can we talk about this? I didn't mean to blow up at you like that yesterday”

“Does now really seem like the time to talk?” Killer pointed at the oncoming marine ship which was almost close enough to board. “Do you even give a shit? Or are you just jealous that I let Heat fuck my girl and not you?”

“Come on man it's not like that…” Kid was following Killer like a puppy as he jumped to the marine ship, activating his punishers and mowing down enemies. “You know how I over react to shit, can we just t-” Killer turned on his heel and sliced the head off a marine who had come inches away from driving his sword through Kid's shoulder. The captain blinked in confusion as the body fell to the ground in front of him, wetting his shoe with blood.

“Can you fucking pay attention?” Killer barked at him before running off to kill more marines, more than sick of this conversation. Kid sighed and grabbed the closest enemy, crushing his skull in his hand. It didn't feel anywhere near as satisfying as it usually did.

Meanwhile, completely oblivious to the argument Kid and Killer were having, you'd gathered the newbies with Heat and were preparing them for their first battle. Heat took charge of the men, while you took care of your assigned wards, the girls. You were pleased to see Hip was brandishing two swords, swinging them in well practised circles to warm up her wrists as she waited for your orders. Dive was rubbing the sides of her face, working out the muscles in her jaw and stretching it open, chomping her sharp teeth together, more than eager to chew on some marines. Quincy stood awkwardly between them, with empty hands and an away with the fairies look on her face, and you sighed deeply that you had to deal with this instead of getting your brains fucked out.

“Quincy, where is your weapon?” You crossed your arms in clear annoyance, “You do have one, don't you? Do you know how to fight?”

“Mmm… oh, yes… my weapon, I have it!” the girl seemed like she had moths for brains, and occasionally one would smack against the flickering lightbulb in her skull allowing for a coherent thought. “Sorry, I didn't know what the bell meant”

You pinched the bridge of your nose and pointed at the marine ship, “Do you think maybe you know what it means now?”

“Mm?” Quincy replied with a slightly tilted head, looking at the ship but clearly not making a connection, “Marines are nice, aren't they?”

You had to laugh, truly, full belly laugh. Dive and Hip were laughing too at Quincy's expense. “Quince, you know we're pirates right? Marines hate pirates. Did you think they were firing cannonballs at us for fun?” Hip explained.

“Oh! Right! Of course!” She hummed, still not making any move to show her weapon.

“Your weapon, Quincy,” you groaned as the marine ship got close enough to almost board, “for the love of Nika where the fuck is your weapon”

“Oh, right here!” She smiled, unfastening the belt of large colourful beads that hung around her waist. She gave the belt a strong flick, as one would a whip, and the balls lit up, small sparks of electricity cracking around them. “Weapon, check!” she smiled.

You breathed a sigh of relief, and were honestly surprised at her chosen weapon. You weren't sure you'd ever seen something like it before. You'd describe it as a ball and chain, but it had multiple balls, and would probably electrocute anyone who touched it. It was like a big, spicy candy necklace. Now that you were sure all three girls were ready to fight you could finally give your orders, right in the nick of time as others started jumping to the marine ship.

“We want to see what the three of you can do, so don't hold back,” you started, “but keep your wits about you, either stay on the Victoria, or be ready to clear out when the order is given. Nobody is coming to fish you out of the drink if you're dumb enough to still be on their ship when I sink it. Now go show them what girls can do”

The three girls cheered and immediately took off towards the enemy, and you had to laugh as Dive immediately launched herself at a marine and he screamed for mercy as she tore his throat out. She looked back at you and gave you a smile and a thumbs up, blood dripping from her sharp toothy grin. You gave her a more than enthusiastic thumbs up back. She moved like a rabid animal, barely touching the ground as she jumped between marines, using the momentum of their falling bodies to fling herself to the next victim of her sharp teeth.

Hip was a graceful fighter, as you had expected. She was fast, perhaps even comparable to Killer, taking advantage of both of her swords to take down multiple enemies at once. Much like Killer as well, she kept low as she ran, and was very light on her feet. You were really starting to wonder if the two of them could be related. She had no trouble cutting down the enemy and had a good sense of her surroundings, easily dodging attacks and readjusting her stance to reply with her own.

Quincy on the other hand was clumsy and slow, but seemed to have a surprising strength to her as she swung her chain of electrified balls around. She was easily taking out rows of three or four men at a time with the length of the chain, but she was slow to move along to the next set, and several times had to have her ass saved by Hip, Dive or yourself. She was definitely going to need some work. You were glad at least to see that the other two girls were holding their own.

You were a woman on a mission, wanting to find the pose as quickly as possible so you could sink this fucking ship and get back to your fun. You didn’t stop as you threaded your way through marines, bodies dropping around you as their hearts exploded whenever they dared to get close enough to you. You made your way into the heart of the ship, using your recently discovered ability to melt walls to get quick glimpses in each room by making small, eye heigh holes, ignoring any room that didn’t look like it would hold a pose and surprising hidden occupants. Hip followed you into the bowels of the ship, finding a room full of snivelling, cowardly marines through one of your peep holes and immediately setting to work cutting them down. Finally you found what seemed to be their navigation room, or maybe their commander’s office, and started rifling through the cabin. You found a safe hidden behind a painting and used your fruit to move the pins into place to unlock it. Inside you found what you were looking for, an eternal pose set to the nearby base, as well as a couple of maps that would be useful for planning the raid and a very nice looking, ornate handgun. Perhaps you could give it to Kid, in the hopes of getting back on his good side. You slid it into the waistband of your skirt, rummaging through the rest of the vault’s contents and grabbing a few important looking journals before heading out. You met Hip on the way, wiping her blade on some poor dead marine’s coat, the room of hiding men now entirely slaughtered. You paused to take note of how many men she’d taken down on her own, nodding in approval with an impressed smirk.

“Go grab the other two and head back to the Vic, and take these,” you shoved the pose and your other finds in her arms, “I’ll go find someone to give the order to clear out.”

Hip gave you an obedient nod to confirm she understood, sheathing one of her swords so she could use one while holding the loot in the other hand. You heard her calling to Dive and Quincy as you appeared back out on deck, scanning the battlefield for another commander and quickly spotting the striped mask of your lover.

“Kil!” you shouted as you ran over to him, taking down a few more marines. He turned to face you, cutting down another marine behind him without even looking, “Got the pose! Get everyone cleared out, I’m going up!” He nodded in response and started barking retreat orders, much to the confusion of the marines who definitely thought they were on the losing side, but began yelling about the pirates being cowards anyway. You began your ascent, moon stepping directly upwards. You made yourself a small platform of vibrating air to rest on as you looked down at the two ships, waiting for the crew to clear off. As the last few Kid Pirate’s returned to the Victoria Punk, Kid used his fruit to push the ships apart, giving enough clearance between the two that the Victoria wouldn’t be damaged in the fallout. The marines were doing their best to shoot at the pirates, but Kid lazily returned the bullets right back at them, while the rest of the crew slaughtered the marines who had been foolish enough to board the Vic. Killer scanned the sky for you, and upon meeting your eyes gave you a thumbs up, You returned it before sending yourself shooting downwards with your usual upside down moon step, flipping halfway to plummet with one extended leg directly towards the centre of the marine ship.

“Meteor Wave, cunts!” you shouted as your foot made contact. For a moment nothing happened, then the entire ship seemed to shudder and cracked right down the centre. You concentrated hard this time to focus your energy in a set line, instead of spreading in an even circle, so you wouldn’t give yourself splinters like last time. It worked a treat, critical system alarms sounding over the marine ship as the survivors screamed and tried to hold on to the sinking halves, slipping and rolling down the deck and into the ocean. You moon stepped back to the Victoria, more than pleased with yourself.

“Nice clean break this time,” Killer noted as you landed elegantly beside him.

“Thanks, I was trying something new,” you smiled, before scanning the deck for your wards. The newbies were all shouting excitedly and showing off, making mock attacks as they recounted the battle to each other. You made your way over, keen to give the girls feedback and praises, as well as scorn Quincy for her lack of spacial awareness.

“Quincy, we need to talk about your- OMPH,” in a prime example of irony, Quincy was showing off her weapon, and didn’t check who was around her before brandishing the chain of brightly coloured balls excitedly, smacking you right in your still healing rib. There was an audible crack, and you began to convulse as the weapon electrocuted you. You had to give it to her, it was fucking effective. You were able to act quick enough to nullify the electricity before it could get lower than your ribcage, but that did little to protect your heart. In your split decision to protect your unborn child, you’d left your own health at risk, and you fell to the ground hard, still convulsing as your upper body cramped and contracted uncontrollably. Quincy screamed and deactivated her weapon far too late and Killer quickly shoved her and the other newbies aside to get to you.

Your heart was running far too fast as your muscles finally started to relax, and you could see Killer’s mouth moving but couldn’t hear anything over the loud, high-pitched whine in your ear, probably from hitting your head as you fell. Your heart was your major problem right now though, so with a shaky hand you pressed a palm against your chest, willing the small electric pulses that usually ran through your nerves to return to the familiar, healthy pattern they should be in. You gasped for air and nearly screamed as you felt your heart stop for a moment, before quickly returning back to its usual smooth rhythm. You let yourself ragdoll as Killer picked you up, vaguely noting the flash of red hair and concerned frown on your captain before closing your tired eyes.

Everything hurt. Your ribs, your skin where the weapon had made contact, your muscles, which all felt like you’d been wrung out like a wet towel. It hurt to breathe and despite your heart being in a normal rhythm now, it was hard to take a deep breath with the sharp ache in your chest. Every step Killer took jostled you and sent a sharp ache through your upper body, and your head throbbed more and more as sound slowly came back to you. Your chest felt like it was on fire, and your clothes pulled funny against your skin every time you got shifted. You could faintly smell burnt flesh, and it only added to your nausea. You could rest easy that no damage had been done to your lower body, but you wondered if you’d inadvertently concentrated the shock in your upper body by not letting it spread. Though for some reason there was a sharp pain in one of your thighs, and the vague feeling of liquid sliding over your skin, and you wondered if you’d landed on something pointy. If you'd been smarter, or stronger, you would have protected your whole self from the electricity, but you were tired from taking down the marine ship. Whenever you tried to open your eyes you felt dizzy and nauseous, no doubt from the lingering effects of your heart stopping. You head felt like it was in a vice and you would have gagged if it didn't hurt so damn much to move.

You vaguely registered the change in scenery as you were placed on a flat surface, no doubt in the infirmary judging by the blinding lighting above you. Killer's striped mask was replaced by the Doc's orange mohawk, and a small sting in your inner elbow indicated the insertion of an IV line. Slowly the lights became less blinding and the nausea faded as whatever Mohawk had given you started to kick in, but you still felt unbearably tired.

“Uh, no sleeping girlie,” you vaguely made out Mohawk's words as he applied small smacks to the side of your face, not enough to hurt but enough to ground you. Something else was added to your IV and the murkiness of fatigue faded a little, enough to attempt to sit yourself up. Killer was behind you in a flash, supporting your shoulders to help keep you from flopping back down, which you definitely would have done without him holding you.

You could see now that the pain in your leg was caused by a wound, which was bleeding profusely as Mohawk attempted to slow it. You blinked in confusion at the hole, with no idea how that had happened. The light-headedness returned and everything went dark for a moment, your eyes opening again to find yourself flat on the bed once more, Killer's unmasked face looking down at you, a concerned scowl on his face. There was the occasional flash of red in your peripheral, always followed by Killer barking in its direction. You closed your eyes again and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Your eyes opened slowly, your eyelids actively fighting your orders to move, the light burning your retinas and forcing you to squint. Someone had definitely removed your mask, and you wished you still had it on to shield you from a little of the bright overhead lights. You slowly became aware of your body, but it didn't hurt as bad as you expected it to - Mohawk no doubt had you pumped full of strong painkillers. There was a rhythmic beep nearby, and a faint snoring beside you. You turned your head towards the sound, finding Killer sleeping silently in a chair, his arms crossed and his unmasked head lolled back. But more surprisingly, Kid was asleep on the floor next to him, the captain's head resting on Killer's thigh as he snored. You wondered if they'd come to an understanding, or if Kid had just forced Killer to let him stay.

You sat up slowly, on one part because you weren't sure of the damage done to your body, and on the other because you didn't want to wake the sleeping duo. They looked kinda cute like that to be honest, and you were pretty sure it was the first time in days that they'd been in the same room without arguing. You had no idea how much time had passed while you were out cold, there weren't any windows in the infirmary so you couldn't see if it was dark out or not, but you must have been out for a while for Killer to have fallen asleep. Your head was still a little funny, but it didn't feel anywhere near as bad as before, and you only felt like vomiting a tiny bit. Now that you were sitting up you could see the extent of the damage, lifting the thin blanket to find you were only wearing your underwear. There was a bandage around your torso, covering your breasts, and another around your right thigh, a small spot of dried blood staining it. The bandage around your chest felt like it was sticking to you, and you wondered if the electricity had burned your skin. The thigh injury was a mystery though, you couldn't wrap your head around how that had happened.

Your arms felt stiff, no doubt from the overuse of muscles during convulsions, and you saw that the IV now included an almost empty bag of blood. Suddenly remembering your passenger you flipped your seastone bracelet, using your enhanced vision to examine your own abdomen. Inside it you could see the protective fluid filled sac of your womb, and within it your little jellybean, with its own teeny tiny heart beating without a care in the world. You'd never even considered looking at it before, it was strange to see it in the flesh instead of just a grainy white dot on a screen, somehow it made it all the more real and a little scarier. You let out a heavy sigh and flipped your bracelet back, laying back down on the bed.

Your small sigh was enough to alert Killer that you were awake, and his head shot up to look at you, before back down at the weight on his thigh with a raised brow. You snorted at his confusion, he seemed just as surprised as you had been to see Kid there. He gave Kid an unceremonious shove, and the captain woke up with a grumble before quickly standing and rubbing his eyes with the palm of his flesh hand. Killer tutted and made his way to your side, taking your hand in his, while his other hand rested on your belly.

“Baby is fine,” you assured him, putting your hand over his, “I just checked”

“How do you feel?” He asked, rubbing the back of your hand with his thumb.

“Like fucking garbage,” you groaned as Killer helped you sit up, “but it doesn't hurt too bad in retrospect. What the fuck happened to my leg though?”

Kid stomped over and placed something on your legs over the blanket. The fucking gun you'd taken from the safe. You'd completely forgotten about it, the electricity must have been enough of a spark to set it off while it was tucked into your waistband. You groaned and rolled your eyes, just your fucking luck, you try to do something nice and you get shot in the fucking leg.

“Why did you have a gun on you?” Kid asked curiously.

“I thought you might like it,” you mumbled, “I think the better question here is who leaves a loaded gun in their safe. It's not like they were planning to use it, they had plenty of other weapons”

“You got this from a safe?” Kid picked it up and inspected it closer, making an amused huff. “It's pretty nice, well made by the looks of it, wonder what makes it special enough to keep it in a safe. I'll have to do some research”

“Stupid fucking thing better be worth something,” you grumbled as you picked at the bandages on your chest, trying to look under them. Killer stilled your hands before you could get a good look.

“Your chest is burnt pretty bad,” he explained, “the electricity blistered your skin. Mohawk said it's not muscle deep though, more like a severe sunburn”

You groaned and flopped down on the bed, covering your face with your hands. “Can't I just have one fucking week where I don't end up in a doctor's office?”

“Tell me about it,” Kid scoffed. You shot back up and stared daggers at him.

“Oh you can fucking talk,” you pointed an accusing finger at him, “its your fucking floozy who did this. Did you even check if she could fight before bringing her on board, or were you too busy getting your dick wet? She'd be dead ten times over if it wasn't for the rest of us covering her back today, and now look what's fucking happened. We weren't even in battle anymore! She has no fucking sense of self preservation or awareness of her surroundings! And frankly, she's about as fucking smart as a slice of moldy cheese, in fact I think the mold would have more coherent thoughts!”

“She said she could fight…” Kid mumbled, looking away like a child scorned.

“Well she can certainly fucking cause bodily harm!” You yelled at him, “and if it wasn't for my devil fruit my unborn child would be fucking dead because of her, not that you'd fucking care! When I said I could protect myself I didn't think it would have to be against your fucking whore!”

Kid stood tall and growled, but you stood your ground, staring him down with an equally dangerous look on your face. The machine that had been monitoring your heart suddenly started making an alarm, and Mohawk came rushing in on hearing it. He'd been outside, on his way in to check on you but hesitant to enter and get caught in the crossfire of the argument. Your breaths were coming in harsh and ragged as your heart raced, one fist clawing at your chest as you struggled to catch enough air. Killer urged you to lay down while Mohawk checked the machine and injected something into your IV line, the machine's alarm stopping as your heart rate came down and your breathing returned to normal.

“Kid, I think it'd be best if you leave,” Killer said flatly, not even bothering to look in the red head's direction. Kid grumbled to himself, sliding the gun you'd looted back into his belt and making for the door. He paused with his hand on it, the door half open.

“For what it's worth,” he sighed to himself, “I do care about your kid, even if you don't believe it.” And with that he left, not waiting for a reply, the door swinging on its two way hinges behind him.

[NEXT CHAPTER]

[humongousdreamlandbear]

For the past few weeks I haven't been active on Tumblr much, I guess the reason was..life was going really good? There was this guy I started spending alot of time with (we spent time together because of some work assignment) and I felt there was really something happening there..AND I, who has never never never been able to confess my feelings for anyone in the past, decide that I will really do it this time...and I did a poor attempt? Only to find some days later that the guy's family is forcing an arranged arrangement on him, that he will most probable accept/or has accepted out of obligation

Tumblr friends, any help, any suggestions, how can try to be okay after this?

#life hurts

[nowherebuthome]

Hey void,

I've spent all winter writing (feels like it at least haha). I hit a slump around December when I had for some reason decided that 4 projects simultaneously plus uni work would be a good idea. Turns out it wasn't. But now I feel refreshed and ready to tackle all of the small and big stories that have been piling up over the past few years.

I don't believe in 'New Year, New Me', neither do I believe in 'New Year, New Attitude'. It's a luxury only people with a strong will or a great deal of optimism can afford and I'm neither. But what I can try to do is get as much work done as I can and that's what I will do.

It feels like I've been trying to chase down a more positive mind set since last March and about a month ago I finally made a small break through. Read as: I finally started to write the new chapter for Obvious and Oblivious. I even did some structuring (!!) on one of my days off.

Meanwhile I'm also trying to get back into some other stories that I think deserve to finally be finished because, well, I love them. Or moreso I love their concepts and I would hate seeing them go to waste. It feels like buying a bottle of good wine, drinking one sip and then just letting it hang around in your fridge until it goes bad.

Furthermore I'm working on some stories at the moment that haven't even had the time to ferment yet and release their aroma. But I can already taste the potential of these creative grapes so I'm willing to take a chance.

(Enough of that wine metaphor before it gets away from me completely lol)

I've fallen back in love with hotels and spring and flowers (spending a grey winter couped up in a small town apartment will do that to you) so I can't wait to write about those things again.

Currently actively working on: a racing AU, a dance school AU and a small Agatha and Florence spin off for my best friend.

Passively (if I'm suddenly struck by an apolllonic vision) working on: Hot Mess, Obvious and Oblivious, and the Marlon.

See you later void <3