#the sadder the better thats what i always say

[corrodedcoffins-blog]

OK BUT SPENCER'S AND BAU TEAM REACTION TO TTPD????

spencer reid x famous!reader

warnings: miscarriage (will put a warning before and after), im basing most of the mention/emotions of miscarriages with my experience with my sister who has gone through a couple while she was trying for a baby as well as research i did, mention of weed

note: this has taken a while to write cause i wanted to interpret the songs on my own time before applying then to the au, so i hope it was worth the wait!

this quickly became my analysis of the songs (in the context of the au) rather than the bau's reactions

feel free to send a message to my inbox about what you think their reactions would be/fav songs i love hearing about that stuff from y'all 🩷

Fortnight (ft. Post Malone)

I don't picture this song to be about Spencer. I see it as more fictional in the way folklore and evermore were more fictional inspired by different things that have happened in her life. Also I feel like Emily likes Post Malone so she was excited for this song, and Penny love the ai fortnight but love the real fortnight better.

Spencer is always worried when a sadder song comes out that it's about him, but reader always reassures him that it's not and that she loves him.

The Tortured Poets Department

THIS SONG IS SO SPENCER REID CODED. "you're in self-sabotage mode" !!!!

I feel like this is Rossi's fav off the album 🤷‍♀️

I said this in an ask a while ago but sometime in 2020, maybe 2021, they had a sort of break and this song was written during that time for sure.

"but you told Penny you'd kill if I ever leave, and I said that to Jack about you so I felt seen, everyone we know why it's meant to be, cause we're... crazy" I feel like this line really explains the break they were on. Like they were so co-dependant and loved each other so much that it was the problem. Everyone knows they're meant for each other but they still get in their own way, Spencer with not wanting to get married when reader did, and reader not wanting Spencer to spend so much time with work. And they just weren't thinking of the same things at that time.

My Boy Only Breaks His Favourite Toys

"He saw forever so he smashed it up" reminds me of "i wouldn't marry me either" but in 'you're losing me' she's blaming herself for the break whereas in this song she realized that it was Spencer and his commitment issues. Which always makes me think of the line "I'll tell you that he runs because he loves me" which can be seen as a really sad line but I think in this instance it's that she wants to accept him for all his faults, he's going to run sometimes when he gets scared but he always comes back, and they're working on that.

"Once i fix me, he's gonna mix me" reminds me very much like 'you're losing me'

"Stole my tortured heart, felt all these broken parts, told me I'm better off... but I'm not" do I have to say commitment issues and self-sabotage again?

Down Bad

Emily loves this song. She loves the vibes, she loves the lyrics, just everything.

In my eyes, it's about Spencer. Reminds me of "told me I'm better off... but I'm not."

So Long, London

Penelope's favourite part of the album is the opening of this song, first time hearing it she said it sounded like wedding bells.

In Virginia there's a town called New London thats 2hrs from Quantico... It's meant to be.

"Pulled him in tighter each time he was drifting away" you guys gonna make me say commitment issues every time?

She's clearly talking about her side of when they both weren't communicating and how he hurt her when he couldn't commit.

She really thought it was over when she wrote this.

But Daddy I Love Him

The shock in that room when she said "I'm having his babies!"... Derek found it hilarious, the girls were having a heart attack.

I think she's not not writing about Spencer in this song. Idk how else to explain, like it's kinda about backlash from every time she gets in a relationship no matter with who, which happened with Spencer so she's talking about that but not that exclusively. Does that make sense?

Fresh Out The Slammer

I think this song is about getting out of a relationship and now you're free to be with someone else who you've had your eye on. This song was written so long ago it's basically a rep vault track. In this au when reader and Spencer met reader was with Tom (i think??) but still gave Spencer her number and called him after she broke up with Tom, and that was the birth of this song.

Florida!!! (ft. Florence + The Machine)

Written about the idea of getting away, taking a break from life, while her and Spencer were on their break. She needed a break, all her friends were either single and smell like weed or they had kids and she wanted kids, but Spencer wasn't ready, so she had to get away from what reminded her of him.

Guilty as Sin?

"What if he's written 'mine' on my upper thigh only in my mind" she's imagining what it would be like if they got back together.

Is the second half of this song when she says "they're gonna crucify me anyway,,, i choose you and me, religiously.." And the song sounds like it ended but they she comes back in with the chorus, cause she thought it was over but now they're back better than ever.

"One slip falling into a hedge maze" a labyrinth is a hedge maze, because she fell back in love.

The last "Am I allowed to cry" is almost like can I cry from relieve? Relieve that it worked.

Who's Afraid Of Little Old Me?

This song is Spencer Reid coded.

Derek and Emily love badass-ery of this song. Pen loves the production "I love the production of this song!" "I'll pass that along to Jack."

Spencer just can't help but tell her he loves and is proud of her after hearing it.

I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)

This is about a past relationship, no way can I see this to be about Spencer.

I feel like JJ really likes this song.

loml

This song was written, probably not too long after 'you're losing me' when they had that break and she was in the depression stage. She wrote this when she thought she lost him, she thought she did all she could and still lost him.

I Can Do It With A Broken Heart

warning!!!miscarriage

I had written down the idea of them having miscarriage in my notes app a couple weeks or maybe even a month before the album, cause of the song 'bigger than the whole sky' and when I heard this song with this in mind it broke my heart, that I knew I had to do it.

I'm thinking they were trying for a while and having lots of trouble, then stopped when the tour idea was falling in place, but she ended up miscarrying during the practice for the tour while not knowing she was pregnant. Likely she didn't know because she was on birth control and because she was working so hard and so busy with Midnights and the tour.

So with all the trouble they were having trying to get pregnant, Spencer was grieving in his own way, sadly it hurt reader a lot. He was angry, he probably said things he didn't mean, they were both feeling so much sadness and anger and they couldn't handle it. I think at this time, they were still going to bed every night together, but it was off and they no longer spent time together. Spencer needed the time to himself, when all reader needed was time with him (want to be clear no one is in the wrong in this situation, it's just a fucking bad situation)

"He said he'd love me all his life, but that life was too short" has two meaning (they were having a boy)

"I can hold my breath, I've been doing it since he left. I keep finding his things in drawers, crucial evidence I didn't imagine the whole time, I'm sure I can pass this test." 😭 Like referring to her baby, and since they'd been trying before they had a couple baby things like clothes that she couldn't stop herself from getting in hopes 😭😭😭

end of warning

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived

Every verse I see as being about a different relationship. Working on re-records it's bring up old feelings and I think she just collectively put all the feelings into this song.

Spencer was beyond scared it was about him, he was already apologizing for making her feel that way before she could tell him it's not about him.

The Alchemy

This idea I have is so silly, that I think it works???

Spencer once said off-handedly that his job was kinda like football, it was strategy, and you failed a lot but sometimes things just fell into place like a puzzle. And reader ran with that idea, like she couldn't sleep that bight and just had the silly thought of Spencer, her Spencer, playing football and wrote this. Little off topic but I also think this about 'Miss Americana and The Heartbreak Prince' lol

Clara Bow

The self-name drop. The team's jaws were on the floor, their eyes were wide. When Pen realizes she's like "DID YOU JUST DAY YOUR OWN NAME??!?"

The Black Dog

Maybe like the team was seeing how Spencer was down recently and brought him out to a bar after work.

And Spencer didn't 'forget' to turn off his location he never did because he still had the hope that the relationship wasn't over, that this was just a rough patch.

imgonnagetyouback

Spoiler alert: she got him back.

Because no matter how much they hurt each other they're in love. And it reminds me of a boygenius lyric "You could absolutely break my heart, that's how I know that we're in love." that lyric in bodies them.

The Albatross

This is like a sister song to 'peace'

This song to me is obviously about the narrative that she's the problem. She's the one destroying all her relationships.

And she's telling Spencer in this song "I've been through this before, it doesn't matter."

Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus

This song is her thinking about them seeing other people. Her imagining him with other people, how much that hurts.

And around 2020-2021 maybe there were rumours about her seeing some athlete or something cause of 'And you saw my bones out with somebody new, who seemed like he would've bullied you in school'

And maybe not the entire song is about him (that's me trying to make him sound better) I see it as mostly her thinking off some what-ifs.

I think they both caused each other a lot of pain, but their love out-ways that completely.

How Did It End?

Written the same night as the Black Dog and she's thinking about what Spencer tells the team.

I see the fact she says 'it's happening again' instead of 'it's happened again' tells us that this is not a sure thing, she's thinking about what people will think if it does end.

So High School

What if it's just a lover vault track lol.

I Hate It Here

I think Penny really likes this song.

It's definitely written in the state of mind of the prophecy, that she's just not meant to be loved but she wants to so badly. So she escapes into her mind which I picture is folklore/evermore.

thanK you aIMee

They love the petty vibes, probably was Penny that first showed or sent a TikTok of North listening to reader's music and was like "girl, you see this yet?"

I Look in People's Windows

In this au I see this as a folklore or evermore vault track.

The Prophecy

Very similar to 'how did it end' and 'i hate it here'

Cassandra

Again it's very similar to 'mad women' so maybe she chose which one to put on folklore and put the other on this album.

Peter

I think she wrote this as a break up song, with a lot of metaphors but what sticks out to me is in the bridge.

"Cause loves never lost when perspective is earned, and you said you'd come and get me but you were 25,,,forgive me peter please know that i tried to hold on to the days that you were mine."

Spencer was 25 in this au when they met and it's so perfect and sad and I love it.

The Bolter

In this au the 'She' in this song is reader.

Robin

I feel boring by saying I think it's another track written in the fictional world of folklore and evermore, but for the au that's what I think!

The Manuscript

In the directors on directors interview she called the All too well short film script 'the manuscript' that's all the evidence I need.

Spencer encouraged her to write this song, because he saw all the emotions she was dealing with while writing/directing the short film.

[fandomwe1rd0]

Over analyzing this goofy scientist pickle man show again! (I won't stop)

Honestly, if you think too much about what happened to Rick, it is legitimately heartbreaking, like his trauma is no excuse for how he acts, but just thinking about seeing your wife and child die in front of you is heartbreaking, and Rick saw it first hand, sure he didn't deal with it in the most healthy way, but him still being able to go on shows how strong he is. Especially knowing that he blame himself. Just the constant blame that you couldn't done something about it and just stayed frozen. The long no he screams out afterwards breaks my heart, I know he's a horrible person, but I will never not cry at his backstory. It is legitimately heartbreaking and beautiful.

It's just so sad that now he feels like he shouldn't love anyone because they either die or leave him is really really heartbreaking. And it makes every scene where he's mean to Morty even sadder. Because it was shown in Something Ricked this way comes that it's not who he is. And it's shown in Air Forde Wong that he doesn't want to be mean. He sometimes just lashes put without even realizing it. It's become a habit to him at this point, a second nature, but it's not who he is. It's who he thinks he needs to be to protect the people he loves since everyone he loves either leaves him or dies in front of him.

When you think about it, in his own way, he feels like he's protecting people he loves. That's why he's meanest to Morty, I always wondered why he was meaner to Morty than he was to say Beth or Summer or heck sometimes he's even nicer to Jerry. But after really thinking about his backstory, it makes sense. He doesn't want Morty to die, he doesn't want to lose Morty. It would destroy him. So he's meanest to Morty as a way to protect him, and is unable to see the damage his consistent emotional abuse casues. That's why he's sometimes mean to Summer in later seasons after they formed a bond. The more he cares about you, the meaner he's going to be to you because he's terrified of losing you, with some exceptions (Jerry and Rick Prime)

Thats why he's so horrible to Morty, and although Morty knows Ricks backstory, and 14-year-old isn't going to pick up on the fact that Rick emotionally abusing him is his weird way of protecting him. A 14-year-old is just going to know that it hurts. And even if he did, Ricks insults would still hurt. We even see that Morty thinks Rick doesn't care because of his consistent emotional abuse.

Now because of Rick, Morty hates himself and is now fully codependent on Rick.

Rick is learning to get better and is definitely a lot gentler to Morty in season 7. But he still scarred Morty deeply.

Holy fucking shit.

[alexa-fika]

Headcannons;

When Nami is having nightmares about arlong, Zeus comes out of the clima takt to be there

Robin is always listening and loves to be around the chaotic strawhats bc she never had that growing up

Marco regrets not being able to help pops in the paramount war so he looks after sphinx to make up for it

Izou is honestly such a diva and I'm inlove with it, he definitely paints nails like a pro

During ace death he said if luffy saw dandon to say hi for him, imagine luffy and Sabo coming home to see dandon with a picture of ace during when he was part of the whitebeard pirates

Oooh, I can just imagine that, Zeus just cuddling up To nami to help her settle down, not thats one comfy nap partner

I can see that, all Robin had growing up was destruction and solace, being hunted down since she was a child and only able to survive because two people still had humanity left in them. Watching the Strawhats be little kids, I can imagined that would be all she wished back in Oharaz.

Okay for Ace and Pops, you are talking as if they died, which they din’t but IF THEY DID, which they din’t cause they are totally fine, lets imagine they did. Honestly I think this is sadder, in my opinion I think maybe Marco thought he could have done more, but I think he would be more concerned about not taking revenge, because he protected Pops, he protected Ace but when they they their demise what was heviest on his heart is that he couldn’t take revenge, he couldn’t throw himself at them because he had a whole fleet to lead because with pops gone, he was the Captain.

But I do thing that some time after, after he had nothing left I think Helping people in Pops homeland whats the only thing he could do to keep himself grounded, the thought of helping people where his father grew up kept him going trough his living hell.

Over With Sabo and Luffy, I can picture them coming home and seeing the picture and teasing Dadan about it. Dadan would adamantly deny it of course but Sabo and Luffy know better. I would take one step further, imagine Luffy convinced Marco to come along to visit Dadan and he told Dadan all about their adventures and all the mischief his kid was up to, she would be between like ‘that little rascal’ ‘He would always be up to no good’ and bawling her eyes out But thats just theoretical cause no one died y’know

Izou is 100% a Diva, we lowkey saw that Diva attitude when Whitebeard made Oden hang on for three days. And let me tell you that the little style going on board? It’s thanks to this man right here, otherwise they would be wearing rags and completely mismatched outfits. Everyone knows not to mess with my man’s face products because there will be consequences if they do. You can bet the women (nurses mostly) come to this man for advise on how to look better and to better their makeup techniques, and they even come to him for gossip and advise on the love department.

[melodyfsoul1]

You know what? Let me rant about Comic Loki & MCU Loki for a bit, because I have been thinking about this for weeks now...

Loki's Character/ Story is so freaking tragic, both Comic & MCU Loki.

In the Comics Loki almost always plays the role of an antagonist or villain (usually for the sake of the story, but that makes Loki's story so difficult, there are many ups and downs.

In the Comics & the MCU Loki was always the mischief maker who brought the Avengers together (on multiple occasions actually) but besides that his story was a mix of his own path, mythology influences and writers going "hey we need a villain for our comic and Loki's popular"

So considering Loki's long life, a deal that has to do with reincarnation, and lots of life experience in playing both the villain and the hero, Loki KNOWS how he is perceived, how others mistrust & even fear him, and for a while he was fine with that.

But after a while he wanted to be more than just the God of Lies ("Evil" as many people wrongly assume)

Loki wants to Change. He actively tries to change, to be good for literally SEVERAL arcs, (Kid Loki, Agent of Asgard Loki and Loki God of Stories)

BUT everytime he either:

- Fails to Change because old habits die hard so he stays a villain

- Changes and gets bored of his, now nice but limited life, because he could be more and ends up reverting back to his old ways

- Or ( the in my opinion saddest option), he manages to change through hard work, to truly be good, but either gets betrayed by his loved ones, or no one even gives him the chance to proof that he can change, saying its not in his nature, that he will always be a villain.

So then he goes the route of "you will always see me as nothing but the villain I once was, no matter how hard I try change.... so why should I even try? You want a villain, fine, let me play the role of the villan"

Hell, in the comics Loki makes a deal with two Entities to literally "rewrite his fate" to that of a hero, knowing he would have to pay the price of a "heroes death" for the story. He literally chose to "die soon/ young, possibly sacrificing himself, but be finally perceived as good", over "staying alive but always be seen as the villain"

And what makes this even sadder, is that this is EXACTLY the Fate the MCU Loki got.

The main timeline Loki got the chance to go from "misunderstood Villain", to Antihero to Hero, and what did he get?

A HEROES DEATH

No second chance at life for redeeming himself? No, he was brutally murdered by his biggest tormentor and greatest fear, sacrificing himself to safe his brother and their people's lives, and I hate it.... he deserves a happy end too...

A character's story/ redemption doesnt need to end in death to be concluded, let them live, let them have this 2nd chance, living and dealing with what they have dome & changing to be better is hard enough as it is

So I hope at least MCU Variant Loki gets to have a happier end, have friends & family.

As you can tell, I still have a very complex hate / acceptance relationship with how main timeline MCU Loki was treated... I could go on for this for hours, but Im gonna make myself sad.... so, thats my little rant for now, Thank You for reading :D

[feral-teeth]

Floridada

Spommy week 2024 - prompt “Florida”

Enjoy the drabble i made for the prompt a few week ago when I first heard of spommy week and got inspired by the prompt for the second day - Florida! Hope this gets me out of my writing posting hiatus to post something silly - maybe this could become something more one day!

I was inspired by @funeralroast to post this! And thank you to the creators of this and the rarepair smosh server for everything and for inspiring me everyday <33

“What are you doing here?” Spencer gasps as the hot chocolate cup that was warming up his hands in the hot weather flips back all over him.

Tommy gasps. “Oh shit! Im so sorry! mean… wait what are you doing here?” He recognizes those eyes anywhere.

They were both visiting their small town that they grew up in for the annual Christmas in summer jingle jangle stockings and crazy fun times fairytale lighting nighttime Christmas tree hanging stockings and hanging wreaths ball Christmastime but not actually Christmas because its summer jingle ball jangle ball Christmas bulb bash thats actually not during the winter because its more fun to have Christmas in the summer as well, but we also have Christmas during the usual time in the winter, so its more fun that way and we get more of the Christmas spirit all year round.. festival ball bash and they would never miss it.

Until both Tommy and Spencer decided to move out to the big city of LA and New York, both big seperate worlds that decided that they could work there instead of help out at their family farms against their seperate parents better interest.

The apple sauce farm and the chicken coop farm, the first owned by the Bowe family and the second by the Agnew family.

They didn’t really know why they separately decided to get on a plane and make their way all the way back to their family home, but they did.

Maybe it was the way Tommy’s mother’s voice sounded different. Older. Sadder than last year when he couldn’t make it. She wasn't trying to hide her disappointment this time.

It was the same for Spencer. His father had called him with a gruff voice, begging him to come back in his own cold way.

“We miss you son. The chickens miss you.” Which was weird for an Agnew, so he was on the next plane over.

His father had cancer, and didnt know how to tell him. So he didnt. His mother had to tell him. Over a zoom call. How sterile.

“Oh so youre here for the…” they both repeat the dumb long ass title in synch for the event that they were pulled back into celebrating because it was a bad omen to not say it every time you mention it or else a bad Christmas. Or something. So they would always say the entire thing, no matter how much time they had to wait, or if they were ever running late somewhere. Like all of those dumb Hallmark movie titles.

[alfiely-art]

Listened to Ada Rook for like two hours and these are my thoughts about the songs I listened to (very random bc of spotify mobile)

Thank u for showing me ada rook @highoncatfood

Sardonica

Yo that guitar slaps

I have no idea what she's saying but I can groove to this

This is likeeee. Animated musical villain is hypnotizing a character music

Yo is breathing part of the beat? Love when music does that

Very good I'd say likeeee 7.5/10 would listen again

Curse (for Devi)

Again that's a good guitar

Oh is this like a love song

Like the whispery type thing she's got going on

Still barely know what she's saying but it's okay !!!!!

Kinda less funky than sardonica, still good though. Id say 6.5/10 because less funky but I can understand the lyrics better

Tru U

AYOOO FIRST SONG I EVER HEARD

Still so good. Can really understand what she's saying

Makes me want to junko pose /pos

The chorus has such a good beat I bop to it

Definitely like. 8.5/10 because it hurts my ears sometimes but I adore it. Fave so far !!!! Which is funny because it was the first one I heard she just knocked it out of the park immediately.

Time dilation

more lowkey…. Kinda sad sounding

I like it. different vibe from the others But it's good!!!!

I like the flute thing going on in the back. And guitar as always

Kinda sounds like something that would play during a sad party scene in a movie. But actually good

Solid 7/10

Moth

Hmmm that tune seems familiar

I swear I've heard it before… Like a synth song or smth

Also a sadder one

Like the acoustic guitar here, sounds less funky but is nice for the song

Idk it's kinda. Boring ? Tru U set me up for Screaming Battery Acid and This is not that

It's not bad though! I'd say likkeeee 5/10

Starlight Zone

Oh. Hm

The screaming has never sounded like that Before

it sounds like it hurts her voice :<

am Not grooving to this one sadly

4/10 this is not the vibe for me

Host

Omori battle music right here

Honestly the instrumental is really good

I love the way it sounds

This is making me imagine an Infinity Train AMV???? It's got that sad scifi vibe

Also like the beat of the singing

WOAHHH THATS REALLY DISTORTEDDDD

Battery Acid here we goooooo

Will definitely hurt my ears like Tru U but it's okay this is good

FUCKK THAT PIANO AFTERRRR OHHHHHHHHHH

Original rating was 6.5/10 I judged too soon. Bumping that up rn

This song makes me realize that Ada rooks voice reminds me of. Scaramouche’s English va when he sings yes I'm making this about blorbos

Solid 7.5/10

Escape

Oh I can understand her this time

I thought the drop would give More but this is a vibe

Enjoyable !!!!

The instrumental is great

6/10, good!!!

Otherworld

Beginning reminds me of porter Robinson

This is a chill vibe so far

Hmmmm. Unsure

Not very boppable

I'm gonna sayyy 5/10 it's not bad I like the instrumental

Mystery School

This sounds like a more lowkey 100 Geccs

I enjoy it… good stuff

Not much of a beat but the instrumental Is sooooo funky

Good shit !!!!

Boppin

7/10

Ur gonna live

OHHH BOPPIN

This could make a good Lemon Demon beat

Love the instrumental

Kinda loses steam

But the guitar is good

Like the ending…. Oooo

6.5/10

Total memory failure

Another sad one but I like the “ahhh” in the instrumental

I can imagine sad amvs to this

Definitely has more of a beat

It sounds like they're tapping glasses in the instrumental that's a vibe

Ohhh that slowing of the tempo

Good stuff….

7/10

Sabotage everything

Hmmm

Not a lot going on in the instrumental

NVM WE BOPPIN

Took half the sing to get good but it's okay

That's gooodddddd

6/10 because it takes so long to get good

Don't wake

Oooo guitar…

OHHHHHHH

QUICK AF I LIKE IT

OHHHH DISTORTED COMPUTERY NOISES

THIS IS SWAG

NO IDEA WHAT SHES SAYING BUT I AGREE

FUCKK OHHHHH YOOOOOO THIS IS GOOODDDDDDD

This is 9/10 this is amazing. Can we get a vocaloid cover. Make it sound even more computery. Holy crap. Wish this was longer Oh my goddddddddddd

Broken grace

It just started and I'm head bopping

Wait did she just say she needs to pee

Oh well this is Gooddd

Makes me wish I knew how to play the electric guitar

Ohhhhhhhh ourghhhhhh aaaaaaaa this is good

8/10 I enjoy !!!!!

disease

Ooo acoustic guitar again

Bird noises….

Quieter… more calm

Sounds like it'd be a good song for an open world

Not really something I would listen to on the regular though

Solid 6/10 but that guitar is nice <333

Deep fantasy

Another villain Hypnotizing you musical number !!!

Kinda like it less than Sardonica though. Less going on

But not bad!!!!

Like what's going on in the instrumental

6/10 methinks

920london

Oh I don't like that opening

My ear rejects this my earbud has fallen out twice

I mean it's not bad I just don't really. Like it ? It picked up but this isn't it for me

5/10 it's fine I just don't really like it

hazer

Oooo distorted ads

This is gonna hurt my ears but. Oooooooo me like !!!

Hmmm. The screaming kinda. Ruins it here usually it goes along with it

Instrumental is good I adore it

But. Yeah the screaming isn't matching well with the instrumental

Vibe change. Hm. Why does the melody remind me of fricken. Shawn Mendez

I think I would enjoy an instrumental version but the voice and instrumental just don't match super well in this one except for like. 1 part

6/10, instrumental is 8/10

Gravity weapon

Ohhh that instrumental is funkyyyy

Funky opening. Love the samples

I'm cat bopping to this

Would also hurt my ears but that's okay

Me likey…. Ouhhh this is good

I wanna dance to this

No. I want to become an edit with this song

I hate that stupid mouse again !!!! Horray!!!! It's a silly line me likey

Solid 7.5/10

Coward 2 Coward

Yoo that opening is fun

This is funkyyy

Less going on so far but oòooo..

OHH that's a pretty voice outside the screaming

She could sing a creepy lullaby I think

Mmmmm instrumental

Delicious

I think if they eat us we die… crazy ikr

OHHHHH that piano bit…. This is spoopy

Anyway I like this. 7/10 just wish there was More stuff going on

Flatline

Oh. Don't really like that opening

I don't know why I don't like this it doesn't have the funkiness I like from Ada and the singer doesn't match the instrumental

This is making my head hurt actually what the Frick

Like the singing voice is good ! It's just too deep for the instrumental

My mouth hurts

3/10. The instrumental is kinda boring and the voices don't match it very well. Singing is fine but would've been suited to a different song ? This is actually painful what the fuxk

Puragtor3y modulation engine

Ohh this is an interesting opening

OHHH GOING HARDDDDD

Fuckkkkk ohhhhh

Major step up

Ohhhhhh aaaaa oooo rurrururhrrh

Wait actual words. Okay uh this song just hits that itch

Her voice is great in this song, the screaming matching just as well as the normal singing

The instrumental has moments of calmness and that funkiness I love

I wanna dance j wanna groove

That endingggg

7/10

[theblackdog552]

C A T - ask game

Thanks for the ask!!

C- A ship you have never liked and probably never will.

Honestly really hard to say, cause there are ships that i normally hate as a pairing but love as certain dynamics. For example Hinny, i usually hate it because i just dont see them working out, but i love them as a dysfunctional couple. I think if i had to choose one ship id never ship it would be bellamort. I dont aggressively hate it, i just dont like the dynamic and i dont think voldemort would have a child with bellatrix and i hate that thats actually canon in the cursed child.

A - Ships that you currently like a lot. (They don’t have to be OTPs because not everyone has OTPs.) Friendships, pairings, threesomes, etc. are allowed.

Harrymort is always my number one, but lately ive been really liking weasley twincest (as you can see from my pfp.) I loce their canon dynamic as inseparable twins who know each other’s every move, and i want them to kiss :3

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?

I hate dumbledore, hes irredeemable in canon to me. Maybe he had some good stuff going for him, but in the end, i still hate him. Same with snape. I can get behind him occasionally, but how he treated harry and neville and basically all of gryffindor is inexcusable. On a similar note, i get that james was very mean as a teenager, but i just cant hate him. I dont have it in me.  

Another opinion i have is that fred’s death was totally unnecessary and i dont think jk shouldve written it. His death was literally just to make the book sadder.

Last opinion is that i absolutely hate cursed child. Very unpopular opinion, i know /s. Ive never even watched it, but ive read the synopsis on wikipedia and it just makes no sense. What do you mean you retconned the entire process of how a time turner works??? And that cedric becomes a death eater??? And that bellatrix has a child with voldemort DURING the series??? And that harry was a bad father??? A very potter musical was written better than cursed child and that was a college production with a 200$ budget what was jk even thinking?? Anyway, moving on… thanks for the ask!!

[lakesparkles]

Bojack loves and mostly respects Diane one of my fav moments of em is him wanting to offer support when he saw how badly her depression was affecting her and telling her her abusive family aren't worth nothing. i don't think he'd put up with Diane slander/ uncle hanky he ends up being the only one to support her in the end.

it reminds me of how people supposivey love a problamatic guy excuse all his bad shit and get angry at the female who can't fix him as if thats their job when the guy just thinks the girl he's friends with is super cool and cares a great deal about her , diane was doing the best she could i doubt most women would assosiate with a man after finding out about a 17 year old its a heavy load to deal with poor diane felt so betrayed by someone she once viewed as her childhood idol . i feel bojack/diane are a good case of its better not to meet your idols

I kept rereading this ask since you sent it, these are things I never thought about much but are very true. It comforts me to think that not even Bojack would like the way some fans see Diane.

Their bittersweet relationship was always one of my favorite parts of the show - another thing I wasn't expecting to enjoy that much. I even have a list of scenes of them that are in my mind all the time: one I can think right now was when Diane was frustrated and sad and talking about how, even with all her effort, she never could change anything, to which Bojack smiled and answered that she changed him. (For some reason, I have the impressions I heard this dialogue before?? But where?)

Sometimes I even forget that Bojack was Diane's idol when she was younger, and that his show was what made her better when everything else in her life was bad. This makes everything sadder, knowing how it ended. However, I 100% understand Diane's decision, I can't even imagine how I would feel if I found out that someone I cared about made something so terrible. I think many people would act the same. It was something impossible to forget and even forgive.

Idk if what I'm saying makes sense, their relationship feels real and it makes me emotional in different ways.

[garpond]

there are few things that make me sadder than how blatantly parents of autistic children just never stop talking about how much they hate their kids even if they dont think thats what theyre saying. definitely my fault for ending up in places where parents of autistic children are discussing things but its kinda hard to avoid when you look up tips for how to deal with any autism struggle bc that's most of what exists. its just like...they dont love their children at all. like a little bit. its always about how they make everything harder and their innate behavior is so frustrating and disappointing and hard to live with and how much they wish they could be different and all sorts of advice on how to "fix" "problem behaviors" and it just. makes me so upset like i know this is nothing new but its just insane. the lack of love. the way the lack of love is seen as justified and normal. the way having that child in their life is understood to be a tragedy by everyone present. the knowledge that their child has grown up knowing on no uncertain terms that everything they do is hated so much by their parent and theyll never truly just be accepted and loved. i grew up undiagnosed and even i got these same messages and this same frustration with my behavior that had me growing up thinking i was born unloveable, but its a special, extra type of horrible when there's a specific word to dehumanize you hanging over your head as you're growing up and giving that behavior societal legitimacy. people dont seem to be able to wrap their head around the idea that we genuinely do not know how autism would present in someone with no trauma but its because there are arguably no un-traumatized autistic people. and this kind of shit is one of the biggest reasons, right up there with every other person in our lives pretty much being the exact same way. you're never loved or cared about no matter where you go. youre never valued as you are the message you get over and over in a million ways is that everyone would be better off if you didnt exist its sickening and it feels like society at large does not care and never will

[deldeldel90]

while I was drawing a pic of a younger frederick, I just got an idea for an au where basically, leland brings the plaid brothers out to the shipping docks to explain to them how it all works and why its important to the plaid kingdom.

Blaine is 7, Lance is 6, Frederick is 5. and at the end of their little trip there, frederick (being as small as he is) slips away because, well, he likes ships and he's not too keen on all the eyes that seem to be on him. he ends up accidently getting on a ship set to go to the pastel kingdom.

he's scared, crying gently bc he doesn't want to be found in case he'll get in trouble with his dad, and when the ship hits land, he follows one of the shipmates to the pastel kingdom. he chases as fast as he can (his footsteps remaining soft, though, cause he doesn't wanna get in trouble) but he ends up getting lost.

just as he's about bawl (even though dad hates it, it makes him feel better and right now, he really wants to feel better), he hears a gasp. and staring up at him, is miss agatha, who was just about to leave the castle to go home. she, voice trembling, asks him a million questions and he barely even answers.

mumbling to herself, she goes, "dang it. that's no way to talk to a child, you know that, agatha..." and, louder, to him, she smiles, a strained one, and says, "do you have a family? where's you family?"

he lies. "I don't have one." he puts on the face Laverne makes when she really, really wants something and needs to act cute in order to get it. "im," he pauses, trying to find the words. blaine's adviser (teacher or something, he doesn't really know) told him a bunch of stuff about problems in the kingdom. he tries to find one that'll make his situation a bit sadder. or maybe find an explanation for this all. "i don't have a kitchen."

the woman blinks.

frederick's never been good with lying. he hates it, he really does.

"or a sink. or a bathroom. or... or, um, a table. or a bedroom."

"you're homeless?" thats what she makes of it. he doesn't correct her, because he doesn't know what any of this means.

he nods.

he's immediately scooped into arms that feel warm to the touch. "oh, no," she mutters. she looks like something terrible just happened. "im- well-" she's about to put him down, but frederick clings to her like he's a baby again.

"can I stay with you?" he asks in his littlest voice. he's not pretending when he tucks his head into her shoulder, looking down at the floor.

he doesn't know her but, somehow, she feels a lot better than the family he's got.

miss agatha melts.

"fine," she says after a moment of hesitation. "but only for a while. we need to know where you-"

"don't know nobody," frederick mumbles.

"i can't take a, what, toddler? from- it's not-"

"not a toddler," frederick interrupts again. he knows its rude. he doesn't know why she hasn't told him off yet.

"you're not?" she sounds like she doesn't believe him. "you're too small."

he can't help but pout. "that's cause I'm always sick," he tells her the reason he's always been told.

he feels a bit fuzzy. like he's just woken up from a nap. maybe its cause he really likes to be carried. maybe its cause he can't remember last time he wa being comforted like this.

miss agatha holds him a little tighter. "well, that won't do." she cradles him for a moment. shes walking somewhere, hopefully home. deep in thought, it seems, too, cause she barely is saying anything except low whispers he can't hear. "say, do you like books?"

frederick's nearly fallen asleep by then. still, he managed to reply, shyly, "i like books. stories 'nd stuff."

a door opens.

frederick sees her backyard, grass cut in a way thats almost perfect, overgrown flowers, the glow of the other homes' lights.

he can't help but wonder if this is what's gonna be his new life.

or,

frederick and miss agatha meet. adoption ensues.

miss agatha's just happy to have somebody who likes to learn.

little bits of this au:

- teaching assistant frederick!!

- dynamic aunt agatha and nephew frederick :)

- miss agatha listens to what frederick says and actually cares abt his interests. her taking him around the kingdom, explaining everything abt their land.

- frederick wearing pastel green crisp shirts (maybe even some with suspenders), blazers, ties, and black shoes with white socks. him gaining the Teacher style. pastel academia frederick.

- agatha has a small library in her house with cozy armchairs that frederick loves to sleep in. he really likes her house in general, because the colors are light and pretty and there's no plaid. it smells like autumn.

- frederick calling miss agatha "aggie"

- miss agatha calling frederick "freddie-boy"

- frederick being raised on butter cookies and ham-and-cheese sandwiches. when miss agatha gets home and he's done with school, they have dinner together and she tells him all about her job as the royal children's teachers

- (frederick pretends he doesn't know anything about kingdoms.)

- frederick becoming friends with neighborhood children..... just. let this boy have friends 😭😭 (one of his friends gets him into a series called "warrior ponies",,, skdhsksjdj and just. little kid shenanigans.)

- a seven-year-old frederick shipping miss agatha and the old guard because of how often he joins them for either breakfast, lunch, or dinner.

- the old guard being grumpy and referring to frederick as "the kid". the old guard becoming protective once he learns of frederick's backstory,,,

- miss agatha and frederick spending time in bookstores together,,, in the local library,,, sometimes they read in bakeries or in the park

- just. kid frederick. growing up with a stable family (of some kind,,)

[klarolineashur1919]

Only We Matter Series

Part 10

January 3,1926

Our Vendetta

Penelope pov

At least one thing stayed the same.

Well when wine was involved at least.

He was the same type of lover with me.

We danced together like we used to.

We danced all the way to the bed.

He was same as he was years ago gentle and passionate.

How much I really missed the feel of him, he'll never know.

He looked so different in this bed than out of it.

Almost the same as he did years ago, his hair gel wore off and his hair was no longer slick back. All his features were softer. His face was calm and didn't look so focused except on me. We held each other, stared into each other eyes. He looked like he still loved me but it was such a sadder look than before. His eyes traveled from my face to my neck, where I still wore my engagement ring on a chain.

"Anyone else propose to you while I was gone" Luca said jokingly even though he always knew that he wasn't the only man that persued me but he was secure in knowing that I only had eyes for him.

"Actually that was something I came here to talk to you about" I started to lean up against the headboard as he didn't look worried at all more of intrigued.

"Tommy has made an alliance with the Golds, they're a bunch of cutthroat horse thieves but they're killers and that's what Tommy wants killers. The leader of the gang Aberama Gold has a son about my age, they made me part of the deal" Luca's eyes went cold and dazed.

"Well thats just more people I have to kill" He nonchalantly as he got up from the bed.

"That's it" I say not knowing why I expected something different.

"What do you want me to say Pen? Do you want me to go into some jealous rage....over some boy" he chuckled darkly as he threw a toothpick in his mouth.

"I don't know" I said in lifeless type of way. His face that went dark for a moment went soft again. He sat on the edge of the bed this time, the side of his face facing me.

"You know you don't have to stay here when all of this is going on..I could have you go to Italy..Paris or America, wherever you want I'll make it happen baby" he turned his face towards me almost pleading. He didn't want me to stay here and watch him murder my entire family. I just looked at him and it reminded me of my Luca from before all of this.

"You could go to Naples, or New York...I think you'd like New York better it's busy and always different with things going on. It's not like this shithole. You never belonged here" He always used to say that. That I never belonged in Birmingham. Maybe I didn't..Maybe I did.

"Penelope say something" he grabbed me by the arms and sneezed gently.

"I can't leave" I said simply and as he let me go with a very Italian sounding groan. He hung his head for a second but looked back up at me.

"Why?" He said with a mixture of emotions.

Annoyance, frustration, confusion and sadden.

"Because I won't leave you here alone." I lean closer to him, resting my forehead on the top of his shoulder.

"If you stay..you're going to see what I have to do. I'm gonna make them suffer Penelope" he said with no regret but honestly. Not happily maybe some slight anger in his voice but no joy in it. Just what has to be done..

"Good... Make them suffer...how we suffered. When we were tore apart, our happiness ruined..our baby dead"I let out a soft sob remembering my miscarriage when Tommy announced the war against the Changretta's. The stress, the sorrow, the anger of all the stupidity and recklessness of it killed our baby.

"M-make them pay..I-I w-want them to pay" I cried and Luca pulled me close to him.

It was true. I wanted them to pay. I was so angry at them for what they've done.

But they were my family and I loved them...

But Luca was in the right. Luca had the right to start this Vendetta.

It wasn't just his Vendetta.

It was our Vendetta.

Taglist:

@leahnicole1219

[cavewolf]

chris' legitimate pokemon scarlet review broken down into categories for your viewing experience (spoilers duh)

CHARACTERS: love the guys in this game. all of team star are so delightful arven is great and nemona is a new fav rival. i wasn't expecting to like clavell as much as i did but he was super fun. gym leaders for what they are (they play very minor roles but thats just how pokemon is aside from bw1 where they show up at the team plasma castle) are super good i especially liked ryme she's awesome. i felt the character writing was a lot better than last gen and they balanced the 3 rivals a lot better tho this could partly just be because of the three split stories focusing on one each.

POKEMON DESIGNS: mixed bag. loved a lot of them like tinkaton the ancient paradox pokemon and tatsugiri. meowscarada quickly became one of my fav starters i love its design and personality. but some of them didn't really do it for me. especially the bugs

HUMAN DESIGNS: really nice. i'm glad pokemon is continuing to diversify the body types of its female cast. i love the women + girls in this game. mela, eri, geeta, sada, rika, katy (I LOVE HER!!!!) and ryme were especially standout designs for me. the guys have cool looks too. i like brassius' edgier take on a grass gym leader and atticus autism warrior!!!!!

STORY: really good. i'm not kidding like god damn. i loved it in this game. it's easily in the big leagues with sun/moon, the gen 5 arc and pla for me (though i just like pla because it's rehashed pmd lol). the starfall street plotline was cheesy but i loved it , i love to see autism friend groups. they're very sweet. path of legends has an excellent motivator in 'your buddy's dog is sick' and like FUCK dude i'm not letting this guys dogy die!!!! arven is a very sweet character so it's nice to help him out. victory road is more standard fare but i liked the new take on the elite 4 (the interview and there being multiple champions). but obviously the closing act really sells it for me. i've seen people say it makes less sense in scarlet because sada is caveman themed, but i honestly think this made it more interesting. if i was playing violet i wouldve been like ohh yeah of course the guy in the glowy robot space suit is an android but the juxtaposition between ancient and futuristic stuff in scarlet makes it more impactful imo. i like how a futuristic ai can only function with the power of ancient crystals, ties it into both games nicely. plus sada sacrificing herself is a little sadder since i doubt there's more chargers in dinosaur times than the far future (she's double DEAD dead). i'm also just a sucker for evil ai and glitch effects anyway

MUSIC: gooooooood!!! there's been some mixed reception on the gym leader theme but it grew on me. penny's theme is one of my favs but all of the team star related ones are good. the area zero theme is genuinely incredible

GAMEPLAY: it sure is a pokemon game. i had some performance issues mainly loading times before/after battles and after cutscenes. i crashed randomly once during the orthworm mission when i went into its tunnel but nothing to the extent i've seen online (not to say it didn't happen). for what it's worth, i was playing it in handheld. but the basic pokemon battle formula always entertains me. the new gimmick is pretty so i like it.

VISUALS: it absolutely could be better but it's not distractingly bad. it's more just servicable. the updated textures (and sometimes models!) of pokemon look good and the humans look good too. definitely improved some animations (but i missed gloria's unique little tiptoe animation downstairs from swsh). the environment flops a lot, especially when it's not in towns.

[pluelzero]

My Omori theory: Basil is a metaphor for recovery

CW: death, child neglect, mental illness talk, Omori spoilers

Going to try to make this sweet and simple, but I could talk about it forever.

Read more

So, we all know Omori (the character) is a metaphor for depression.

If you didn't, here is why:

He is black and white, for all or nothing thinking, something common in depressive thinking.

He does everything possible to separate the crew from Basil (who is a metaphor for recovery). Omori is TERRIFIED of recovery because it means his death, and a major aspect of sunny's life so far after Mari's death.

He does not have light in his eyes, while others do. Sunny does this in the real world too, and only gets the light back in his eyes after the ending. This is a good visual metaphor for having a light in your life (something to live for)

He is the one telling Sunny he's worthless, etc, especially during the final fight and that he deserves to suffer. Can't get much more obvious than that.

Now, why do I think Basil represents recovery?

Basil is often associated with gardening, a hobby about nurturing something to help it grow. It is hard, dirty work, like recovery. Gardening takes a LONG time, and has slow results.

Basil says he wants to be someone who always sees the positive side of things, and thats why he likes sunflowers. (Even though its a myth sunflowers always face the sun, like its a misconception that recovery is linear)

Basil's colour scheme is blue in the dreamworld - often associated with being calm, but can be referencing "the blues", feeling sad. Recovering often means coming to terms with different aspects of your depression that can often times make you even sadder, such as realising how mental illness has damaged your relationships, body, time, etc.

Basil's dreamworld also has a flower crown, which is a core positive memory Omori has.

Basil has already suffered mental illness BEFORE everyone else. Basil's parents abandoned him when he was young, and so he already has some coping skills because of this.

I think it's important to note even though Sunny is mad about what Basil did, he still cares for him deeply. There is proof of this: in the photo album, Basil prefers strawberry over banana. Stawberry is one of the rarest smoothies in the game and heals much more compared to banana smoothies. This is important because in Memory Lane, Sunny thinks about how he would make Basil smoothies from blender flavour text. He was inspired to cook from Hero, and has his own cookbook in the toybox as seen doing chores in the Hikkiomori route. Omori knows sunny loves basil as a friend, so he can't completely erase Basil - thats why everyone but Omori forgets and tries to distract him from it. Thats why Basil is always punished by Omori for bringing up recovery could be good, like the imaginary friend who is locked up in the abyss. Thats why Daddy long legs hints that this dream world cycle could be the one that breaks it, and why Basil is always at the end, waiting for him.

Omori on the other hand, hates Basil. He associates Basil with what happened to Mari, and represents Sunny's repressed anger and fear at Basil for mutilating his sisters body.

So, if Basil represents recovery, why would he do that? Thats really screwed up, right? Recovery is about growth and getting better, not about triggering even more trauma? WRONG !

I don't disagree what Basil did was extremely wrong. However, through Basil's perspective:

His parents neglected him, and this lead to pretty severe abandonment issues.

His grandma is dying. Even as a child Basil probably knew grandmas don't last forever, right? I mean I remember my friends crying about losing their grandparents as a child and hugging my grandma tighter next time I saw her.

Basil cares about his friends well being more than his own - he is constantly worried about being a burden. He doesn't want to kill spiders. At his core, Basil is a very gentle, nuturing, kind person.

Basil got his own something that day, so he went into protective mode. He didn't know what he was doing. He was terrified his best friend would go to jail, they'd be separated, perhaps he was even terrified of what police/the law would do to Sunny. He was so terrified he convinced himself later that sunny wasn't the one who did that.

SO; how does that all tie into recovery?

Mental illness is an illness. I know this coz I got it. Many of them.

A core part of recovery is understanding your brain is trying its best, even if its not very good. Emotions are a way to respond to your body: panic attacks, fear, sadness, anger are your brains way of saying something is wrong. This is why numbing yourself doesn't work long term: you need to fear, anger, sadness, happiness to let you know whats right and what to keep doing and not doing.

Basil is like a panic attack: he was trying to save sunny. I assume he would've tried to save Mari too, but tragically he arrived too late to de-escalate that fight.

Panic attacks are deeply unpleasant, and when you have one, it doesn't feel like its helping at all. In fact, from experience, its very easy to think you're dying and panic attacks are the reason why youre miserable. But if you were being chased, a panic attack would give you the upper hand with an andrenaline rush. If we didn't have fear, we wouldn't know when we should run away and save our tails.

Recovery is messy, its not linear, and sometimes it gives us even MORE trauma. Basil is the same way.

;_;

[wall-e-gorl]

old v new

just want to talk about the differences between these two pieces :] casual essay under the cut

first off, in the nine months between making the first one and redoing it i have a) learned how to make space backgrounds in a way that i am very fond of, b) picked up a textured brush, and c) have gained some more understandings of my layer modes

now. i didnt like make a new piece and start over from scratch. i keep a save of the art with layers and a save of the art i can post. i have a whole system, is why my art always have a 1 at the end if youve ever looked at the file names. the only thing i completely changed is the background. got rid of the stars added my space and readded stars and added the moons. and some glow at the bottom.

other than that i color shifted the ship wall theyre leaning against to be more purple than green, and did some heavy blurring and smudging on the lighting and changed the layer modes. i had left the group layer modes on the wrong setting (pass through vs normal) and it dimmed all the work i did so much. because of that i actually had to go back, after i fixed it, to tone down a lot of the lighting i did, especially on the faces. i took my big textured brush (which i also used for the background. deceptively simple to do that actually) and just set it to eraser mode and did a few taps over the spots that needed it. i used the same method on the moon actually, i just made a white circle and duplicated it and erased it with a tap and it ended up like that.

anyway all of that is to say that the little changes really changed the whole, like effect of the piece. before, everything felt really flat and i was disappointed in how the lighting showed up, but i thought there was nothing i could do. the back lighting was a last minute decision and it looked cool but also a bit out of place. it was a great concept but i didnt have all the technical skills and the right eye for what i wanted. i had actually drawn it before and gone no i need to try harder and do better with this actually. i went hard into the anatomy and lighting, but fell the the side on the background.

which is what i went into this time, and what helped give it the effect it has now. they arent as flat with the improved lighting, the background has depth and actually looks like its a night sky, the moons give context for the back light, and its no longer all the some sort of contrast.

in the before they kind of blended into everything else because it was all given the same emphasis in contrast. if you step back and squint the only things that stand out are fjord's lighter green skin and jesters skin. not the worst things to stand out ofc, thats their faces on the most part. but in the after, its their whole bodies (and the moon) that stand out and thats what i want.

one thing i didnt expect to see, when i set them next to each other, was to think that the newer one seemed smaller than the other. they look smaller, when i didnt resize them at all. i didnt touch the line art, except to put it on a multiply layer and to make it a color other than black (almost black green and almost black blue). that, plus the enhanced lighting, and surprisingly the moon in the back also makes the moment sadder and more lonely? which is the exact mood in the actual scene im portraying, where jester and fjord have a talk and jester sheds her happy mask for a moment to share her sadness and loneliness at leaving her mom. in the new piece they are surrounded by darkness, with the only visible features being themselves lit by the moon and the moon itself. in the older piece the sky is lighter and filled with stark stars that negate that effect completely. With all that starkness consolidated into the single white moon, it feels as though the moon is a third figure in the scene that, since it is addressed and centered, makes it so that any notion of any other audience moot. the moon is the only audience for the moment between them and its indifferent (not a stand in for us, because we are not indifferent). Ruidus is there as well, because of what we know about it now. all the forboding and negitive enegery around it, and having placed it above jester, shows that its a serious, if beautiful, moment of her, again, showing sadness and loneliness, non-positive emotions.

anyway all of this is to just say: look at what i did! isnt it neat how i did it. look at the very cool side effect it caused! wow im so proud of that, isnt it so cool.

i also think itd perhaps be a really cool card for jester and molly's oracle deck, im thinking connection and then upside down is loneliness. idk i havent looked at the cards and their meanings and the specific art yet, i just thought id be cool cause of the connection/loneliness theme of jester that kinda first shows its face to us with this moment

if youve read all of this i love you

[anxsity]

central division teams as paramore songs

as assigned by me: part 3!!!!! (once again: don’t take this seriously)

wild - hallelujah ”and we’ve got time on our hands / got nothing but time on our hands” ”this time, we’re not giving up / let’s make it last forever / screaming ‘hallelujah!’” oh man have the wild been patient. truly paid their dues. but now: they got their promised boy!!!!! hallelujah kirill the thrill has arrived, now is no longer the time to give up, but to give the central division a run for their money. hallelujah yall

jets - here we go again “forget the things we swore, we meant / i’ll write you just to let you know that i’m all right / can’t say i’m sad to see you go / cause i’m not” oh man, what better team for a resentful breakup song than the jets? who hasn’t left winnipeg at this point? here we go again..... and again....... and again...... don’t worry jets im sure you’ll find the one soon enough.

coyotes - franklin “and when we get home, i know we won’t be home at all / this place we live, it is not where we belong” “so we stand here now and no one knows us at all / i won’t get used to this, i won’t get used to being gone” do i even have to explain this choice? one word: asu :/

blues - grudges “strange how we found ourselves exactly where we left off” “well, we just pick up, pick up and start again / cause we can’t keep holding on to grudges” i don’t know what they did to woo tarasenko into staying but it worked? i guess? congrats! gotta put that water under the bridge and move on, pick up and start again babey you ain’t done yet

predators - never let this go “one day, you’ll get sick of saying that everything’s alright.” ”because i’ll never let this go / but i can’t find the words to tell you” one day maybe the preds will accept the inevitable and give in to a rebuild. one day. if they find the words to part ways perhaps. this one is sadder than i meant it to be i’m sorry

stars - interlude: moving on ”let ‘em have their time / sit back and let ‘em shine / let ‘em rise and rise / cause one day they’re gonna fall” ”i’ve counted to ten and now i’m feeling alright / and besides i’m moving on” maybe this one’s just for me, but ever since the appearance in the finals it feels like moving on. recapturing what was there and, man i don’t wanna necessarily say it but tampa missing a threepeat does lowkey help. moving on now, feeling alright with a sick ass goalie in net.

avalanche - looking up “could’ve given up so easily / i was a few cheap shots way / from the end of me” “cause i’ve always wanted this and / it’s not a dream anymore, no” for the team that climbed the summit! that claimed it all! a song thats so..... hopeful? ecstatic? relieved? for the vets that had something to prove, that got so close time and time again. it’s not a dream anymore. 

[jxnmzko]

OMFG i found the email to my old tumblr and it made me sad like i used to be a lot sadder but i think ill keep this one as well. I think its cute to look back on things no matter how sad it is but it kinda did make me reflect and i did some digging on my own feelings and where they root from and honestly a lot of them root from me not feeling like enough/ anxiety/ feeling not pretty enough/ not chosen/ or things aren’t fair why is this happening to me mindset. no lie it helps coming from a friend and a therapist who isn’t biased and brutally honest. sometimes i do overthink and maybe this whole process of me trying to do better is stupid bc i always tend to come back to old ways but fixing those ways isn’t linear. I really sat there and thought okay why do i think i can’t achieve the things i want? well i don’t believe in myself since im not consistent. Why does it hurt that im not necessarily chosen for by specific ppl? even a few months ago id go on insta and check up on this person and find out who they were talking to and compare myself like why? because i dont like what i see its that easy. I can change that though, it’s not like i completely hate myself because i do see beautiful aspects. I think im beautiful some days but the things i don’t find beautiful im able to change weight wise and i think that’s where my focus should go and especially on other aspects of my life job wise while focusing on my little hobbies. I know im kind hearted because i dont hold hate for anybody or any grudges and thats something difficult to do,

self concept and self confidence are so different and i need to build confidence in myself by doing the things i say ill do. i’m 23 bruh i can’t be stuck in skin that i dislike, im fully able to change those things and even move if i want. Sometimes i think back to when i was speaking to my therapist and told her my desire in life is to move to seattle and live in a small apartment with my cats and she was like okay so do it! let’s make a plan so you can move within the year and it freaked me out so bad bc everyone thinks im joking and she actually took me serious.

and i especially can’t feel sad because my desires don’t match hers. We could have so much in common like music taste and anime and all types of shit but our desires aren’t the same. I can appreciate their existence from a distance and hold those things in my heart while accepting that fact. i feel childish bc the thing i lied about was lowkey embarrassing So i think i can hold that cute memory to myself and appreciate they pushed me in certain ways like getting on the highway even tho they don’t know they pushed me to do that and i can also be proud i opened my heart the way i did w getting them thoughtful gifts/my time/ etc. I know they mean no harm especially since our last comvo did upset me but ik they r getting through life for the first time like i am but they overstepped and made me feel like a last choice.

anyways i’m proud of myself for not going on insta in a while and ill def delete this too now. Tiktok is debatable like i gotta time myself maybe because it doesn’t help me at all, it’s constant comparing n doomscrolling. i gotta take care of myself bc no one else can or will :)