#the sped up versions are so fucking valid

[goopys-songs-for-neurodivergents]

You knew it would be in here, I knew it would be in here. It was inevitable it would be here. The best bit by far is the alarm ringing. Fuck this song is good.

[sburbian-sage]

In a few of your recent posts, you've mentioned that you might be out of sync with the replayernet, and honestly, I think you might be.

I know Time is pretty fucked/nonexistant out in the furthest ring, but I got my current session's Seer of Time to look over your posts, and he's estimating with his powers that you started posting around like, seven or so years ago from our perspective? How long has it felt to you?

Regardless, the game seems to have version-drifted really far from where it once was. A ton of your old posts match up with older guides I've read, but not newer ones, and are totally inaccurate to any version of the game that I've ever personally played.

I went back through a bunch of your old stuff, and here's some updates on how they usually work now:

Dream players have that purple and beige color scheme for real now, not "transparent" as you once said (never even heard of that one before).

Void players are (much more likely to be) able to get fraymotifs now, and don't always fuck up text as badly. (varies a lot between different sessions)

"Modded" sessions seem to be much less common, and whatever the "Andern Association" you mentioned in a few posts was, it seems either dissolved, or else is now so secretive that I can't find any info on it anywhere. Meanwhile, ordinary version-drift has seemingly sped up.

Many classpects in general seem to have changed a bit over time, and many have become much rarer, but it's too much to get into all at once.

There's tons of other more recent developments but I gotta go sorry ohgodwhat in my house again fuck ill get back to you soon maybe

I don't believe I ever wrote about an Andern Associations. The one post on my blog that mentions it has a frankly funked-up formatting, I think because it was submitted by someone else (instead of sent via ask) and I failed to delineate how much was my input and how much theirs. But I don't believe I wrote any of that, so it doesn't really constitute evidence that I've undergone version drift. In fact, all accounts of modded game sessions were reports from other people, so it's really not applicable to me at all.

Granted, a lot of goofy stuff does come my way, and I might be a bit too credulous, perhaps in the interest of entertaining hypotheticals because my advice is generally good in principle, even if the specifics are shaky (like that earlier post about those weird titles, the titles might not exist, but my advice for figuring out how they work is sound no matter what). And there could also be lapses in judgement. I'm subsistence farming in the The Furthest Ring, intellectual fugue states are a common worry for me, and I might have accidentally validated the existence of things that, in hindsight, have no way of being real (I officially denounce those Double Aspect or Double Class posts, I don't know why I believed and wrote up hypothetical summaries of bugged titles when the consensus is that Title attribution is never bugged, only the Titles themselves).

But speaking of unreliable askers, the fact that you haven't ever heard of "Dream's color scheme is transparent" is suspect. Not only does purple and beige as a color scheme conflict heavily with their frankly iconic transparent glass constructs, but "Dream player ascends to godhood and wakes up buck-ass naked on Skaia" is a community meme that frankly comes up way too often in discussions of the Dream Aspect.

But that's not the only thing that bugs me. You brought up Version Drift Theory, which is not A Theory The Same Way Gravity Is A Theory, but is instead a highly speculative model of, essentially, the evolution of Genesis Frogs in an attempt to explain not only bugs and glitches, but why some people's sessions are radically different from one another. It's not an authoritative truth, it's an analytical model of sorts that some people find use for, so why are you trying to convince me that Version Drift is real and I've undergone it? Especially when my concern was never that my game version is out of synch, it was that my connection to the ringservers were out of synch. I had a gap in my knowledge concerning Cherubs, because I'm often busy performing upkeep on myself and the ship, and I worried that either my computer, my connection, or maybe my browsing habits were caught lacking, and now someone in my askbox is trying to convince me that I've undergone such severe time dilation in my Ring Journey that all of my writing is now obsolete and worthless and that SBURB is now an unrecognizably different game.

I choose to believe this ask is psychological warfare on the part of a bad faith or not very reliable actor. Not only do your session reports sound wildly out of whack, but you're trying to convince me that I'm the out of touch one? This is Spriteless Behavior, I'm living in your walls, I'm summoning demons and sending them to your dwelling spire, they're going to beat you to death with hammers, I'm going to equip hammerkind so I can do the same, also I'm a mental health risk (Ring Journey) and physically disabled (glasses) and this is a level of gaslighting that probably falls under ableism, etc. etc. I am always right and may the Ohgodwhat destroy your computer such that you never imply otherwise again.

[janiestumb]

Back at it, it being... No idea.

I was only gone for three weeks. So why am I fucked up?

Is it the abrupt drop in quantity of breads consumed per day? My “welcome home” banner taking the form of an overly dramatic letter from the IRS? A wave of humiliating job rejections, only provided when forced because industry standard is “Hundreds of overqualified writers must do a week of free labor trying to get the one (or secretly non-existent) open job on our non-union show. We will then steal jokes and ideas and will not credit these writers, pay them or even email them to say ‘we hired someone else. Thanks for the labor’”? Or IDK… jet lag.

One thing’s for sure. I’m not simply longing for Europe and its two-Euro Greek yogurt tubs, as much as I am. I’m grieving the version of myself I got to know there, the one whose self-sufficiency and independence were on full display. And the one who knew that if she got hit by a car, she wouldn’t become bankrupt. And the one who knew that everyone around her valued humans more than guns. That knowledge was never lost on me, even before tragic recent events. America is diseased.

A week ago I was basking in the glory of nature’s finest splendor and panic-backing my rental Yaris down a narrow, grassy walking path next to a a cliff because Google Maps failed me. But I couldn’t fail, because I would drive off a cliff. (This happened immediately after publishing that blog post about how easy driving had been, of course.)

And now I’m… here. And it’s… this. Same. Slow. 

Like I stepped off a moving walkway and I’m walking all weird. In pants that feel scratchy. Wet socks. Discomfort metaphors. Etc.

I’m back to nestling into the old groove in my couch and worrying people hate me. Deciding there’s some email that went around to every person with authority about how crazy I am and definitely don’t hire the crazy. Because you can’t tell me a more logical story. Then treading the same few blocks for escape.

I’m so grateful to reconnect with my beloved friends and of course my Georgie. I am making the most of access to my sewing machine and my neighborhood and all my new ceramics. But I’ve also returned to my anxious, lonely, unsuccessful-feeling self, and I hate that.

Travel version me is great, and I want her here. But she doesn’t belong in real life. There are couples here. Careers here. Those are the two prongs of success here. What make a human valid. I can speak of neither.

Last Friday night, after an exciting nail-biter of a three-flight, two-sprint trip back to the US, I arrived in LA and a Lyft driver sped me home at 90 mph while checking his phone as he changed lanes without signaling. I didn’t say anything because I’m a woman so I reasonably fear retaliation when I’m in a strange man’s car. But also I was exhausted. But also I mostly felt pity. Because this is America. Surely this was a man working the umpteenth hour of his underpaying gig job. Gas prices are through the roof. I got why he might have a death wish for both of us. Welcome home.

But there are two takeaways I keep reminding myself of. OK three… More. But let’s say three for this blog post because what am I doing?

A Hollywood gig will do absolutely nothing for me, happiness-wise. Remote work would help me be of the world. And that’s where I should be. Writing in the world. Too bad that letter went out to every person in authority.

Being in a relationship mostly means you've settled for a shitty life and I knew this before, but this trip was full-on proof. When it comes to observing relationships, we usually see a movie version with hot people or an IG version with fake as shit people. But after moving like a ghost, overhearing and observing three weeks of couples talking about bullshit and fighting, ... most relationships... seems bad!

And perhaps most deeply, I am surprised to either learn or remember that I am capable of evolving. And reverting. In good and bad ways. After experiencing pandemic sameness for years, how amazing is it that I got to experience such a huge shift in perception? I became someone else. Some combination of my younger, plucky, hopeful self, and the new woman who didn’t worry and had been to therapy and had survived the worst and had the confidence to enter roundabouts. I mean, yes, I worried. Only briefly, when my right back tire was dangling off that cliff. And also when I was invited to a Portuguese-only local dining venue, protected by lock and key, and there was no menu and I was scared and had just been traumatized by that cliff. I asked for four sardines thinking they’d be small ‘uns, only to be given four giant honkers. Huge fish, intact, lined up, barely grilled and giving me the side eye. I cut into one and saw entrails. I was terrified. I cut them up like I used to do when I had an eating disorder and ate the bread and oily nasty peppers, my hands still shaking, so freaked out by that cliff. I wanted to enjoy my Portuguese-only moment, but I couldn't. I paid the measly few Euros that the bill came out to be, even with a carafe of wine that I didn't touch because that’s not what this terrified driver needed, and I peaced.

I should get back to the point of number three. Perhaps I was meant to learn that I’m capable of being versions of myself. “This too shall pass.” This is true of experiences. This is true of feelings. This is true of your life. But I didn't know that this is also true of who you are. Nothing’s ever fixed about you if you let who you think you are go. So don’t grieve the you you’re not anymore. Maybe just be grateful for the knowledge that you don’t know who you could be next. Just put her in the driver's seat on the edge of a cliff, shift into reverse, and see where she goes.

[orphicrose]

The Only One

Rick x Reader Fanfiction

Summary : life is strange in the rick and morty universe, as we all know. But things get just that little bit weirder when Rick meets you. Something seems oddly familiar with you, but for once In his life he has no idea why. So he searches from reality to reality to try and see if he had met another version of you, only to realise there where none. You where the only one. That’s when it finally hit him…

This is inspired by a song from Rick and morty that I think is beautiful https://youtu.be/epiOcz3HXNo

I accidentally got carried away and wrote too much, so I will probably just do a part 2 so it’s not to much to read if anyone is interested <3

_________________꧁♥︎꧂_________________

Humans are such fragile creatures, always have been and always will be. You knew that, but you refused to surrender down to it. Not wanting to be included In whatever earth had to offer, so you ran away. And not like how a silly fourteen years old runs away from home, Hah… no.

You left the fucking planet, not leaving behind a single trail or speck of dust for someone to follow you with. Your intelligence and ambition was all you needed to carry yourself through life. Travelling the infinite void of space, soon making a name for yourself. For good and for bad. An ordinary person couldnt even dream nor comprehend the things you’ve experienced or seen. And that’s just how you liked it. Being different. It was truly a gift to be intelligent.

And then there was rick, high IQ and normally not happy about it. Seeing his intelligence as a curse. Rick hadn’t seen it all, it was impossible, but he thought he had seen enough to make a valid opinion on life.

It’s pointless.

Such a bitter man with a bitter view on everything, including himself. You see, when you have an overwhelming amount of knowledge weighing down on your mind, you can go two ways. The first being ricks way, not caring about anything since he has seen how big the universe is and doesn’t see a point.

Then there’s your way, feeling blessed to be able to see things that no one else can, and finding a new reason to live every single day.

You two where polar opposites, but also the same. You where both alone in a universe you felt didn’t need you anymore.

The day both of your worlds collided should have been written down in the history books. It was the day both of your beliefs where almost questioned. Wondering whether fate really does exist.

————————————————

Out of the many things you have done, you’ve never visited the same place twice. Making everyday an adventure, as much of a cliche as that sounds it’s true. Not only that, but you seem to have people after you almost everywhere. For your intelligence, or for revenge. But there is one particular spot you cannot get enough of. Finding yourself there when you lose yourself.

It’s an isolated planet in the middle of the andromeda galaxy. It’s a newly ‘emerging moon’ as you like to call it. In fact, you pretty much founded this planet, since its a recent creation. This also means there is no intelligent life yet evolved, so it is safe for you to do what you please.

You go there often, to watch the two suns set over its small horizon and the thousands of stars come into view. Giving you time to reflect on your life. To appreciate it, but not to regret anything. The stars are far to beautiful to bring your mind to anything negative. The planet itself seems to project the meaning of peace and tranquillity even without life. Maybe that’s why it’s so comforting.

Your thoughts where leaving your mind, as you held your eyes closed. Feeling the breeze brush through your hair gently. That beautiful, genuine smile found its way to your face without you noticing. You where to lost in the feeling of relaxation.

But that soon came to an end. That euphoric state was snapped out of you when you noticed a bright light coming towards you. Getting bigger and bigger in just seconds. Until it became more clear, it was a spacecraft of some sort. A poorly built one to say the least. You sat and watched, mesmerised, as the flames from the object slowly engulfed it. Burning in the atmosphere. Finally hitting the ground, you shook your head and sighed. Being brought back into reality.

The flames took a second to fade after the ship had crashed. And it was clearer to see, it was the stereotypical UFO. The type you’d see in cheesy ski-fi films. But it had encryptions written in English. Which was very unusual, especially for it to be in this part of the galaxy.

What was even stranger was that it didn’t have even the slightest burn mark to it’s metal. Your vision of it became clearer and clearer the closer you got, slowly creeping past the incredibly green trees towards it. But just before you got too close, a figure fell out of the vehicle. Swearing like a drunken sailor.

This is what really messed with you, it was a human. You gasped quietly, not being able to remember the last time you saw one. A mix of feelings rushed over you; confusion, fear, excitement? You couldn’t help but stare, his unique blue hair bounced as he picked himself up, not even bothering to dust off the dirt on his lab coat.

“Fuck! You fucking piece of shit spacecraft. You’ve really done it this time Rick you fucking…” he didn’t finish his sentence, as he kicked the lump of metal. Screaming at the top of his voice.

“Fuck!”

You caught a small glimpse of his face, and recognised him. But you weren’t sure where from. You had met millions of people over the years so he could really be anyone. But there was something so compelling about his character. Something that felt like you where being pushed towards him. Or pulled, by a red string perhaps. Something that was just telling you to interact with him.

You stayed hidden behind a rather tall tree, still collecting your thoughts and questioning whether you should help him. Rick had slumped himself against the ship, putting his hands to his face and grunting. Pausing his breakdown for a second to take a sip from his flask, then proceeding to carry on.

He stayed like this for a good few minutes, before you had decided to approach him. Your curiosity and questions where burning at the edge of your mind. You just had to investigate. Keeping a hand on your weapon tucked neatly in a pocket behind your back. You slowly walked towards him, not even being able to speak before he noticed you.

A gun had been pulled to you, aiming directly between your eyes

“What do you want? I’m not in the mood so just tell me in advance if I should shoot you or not..” his eyebrows furrowed, looking at the hand tucked behind your back.

You rolled your eyes, putting your hands up in surrender. Just how you remembered humans to be. Aggressive and impulsive.

“Calm down, I saw your ship crash. Thought you where in need of some assistance. And put that gun down, god…” to your surprise, he did. With a loud grunt he put his gun back into his pocket and turned away. Usually, he probably would’ve shot on site. And who’s to say he still won’t, but right in this moment he is too preoccupied to care.

“God doesn’t fucking exist…” he mumbled “and I definitely don’t need any assistance!”

You raised an eyebrow at him, watching him as he attempted to fix his broken ship. Opening the lid to the engine and being greeted by a storm of smoke. Now Seconds away from another breakdown.

“Are you… okay?” You hesitantly asked, daring to inch closer to him. Probably was the stupidest thing you’ve ever done. He threw the wrench down at the engine as he exploded.

“No, I’m not fucking okay. I lost my grandson, the entire galactic government is after me, I broke my portal gun and I just crashed my ship into a planet with no helpful resources to fix it.!” His speech sped up, and he went dead silent when he stopped talking. Clearly regretting telling you anything. He is usually good at keeping his mind together and keeping his problems to himself. But he had so much adrenaline pumping through his blood, he could barely concentrate.

“I’m, i’m sorry for your loss” is all you managed to get out

“What? Oh no, my grandsons not dead. I just left him somewhere and forgot exactly where…” he spoke slightly softer, still grunting as he tried to analyse his engine.

There was a small silence while you processed everything he had just said. Moving closer to get a look at his engine, you shook your head.

“You’ve burnt it out…”

“Yeah, no shit smart ass” he bit at you

You rolled your eyes and snatched the spanner from the place he had dropped it. Not using it to fix his engine, but you pulled out a small metal box from your pocket instead. Fixing a few pieces together. Rick stood there and watched with a puzzled look on his face. Moving his eyes from the gadget, then up to get a look at you.

His eyebrows softened as he took in your features, the creases in his forehead disappeared. A rush of a strange feeling replaced the adrenaline, not being able to pinpoint what it was but he didn’t like it. He could only describe it as his heart softening, and getting lost in a place that was familiar to him. Thats what he felt when he looked at your eyes, reflecting off of his.

“Hav-have we met before?” He said in a much calmer tone

You placed the gadget on the engine and pressed a small red button on the top, looking up at him.

“I don’t think so?” The box moved around the engine, like a shield. Fixing it effortlessly, Ricks eyes darted from you, to the engine, then back to you. Now with amazement written all over his face.

Deja vu was the only state good enough to describe what he was experiencing. You broke the silence by holding a hand out to introduce yourself.

“I’m y/n”

It took a quick second for him to respond, still trying to process your face and remember how he knows you.

“I’m… Rick” he finally shook your hand.

“Rick Sanchez..”

That name was oddly familiar to you. Like you’d heard it in a dream. Or it was a loved ones name in a past life. You felt like you had heard it before, in a very distant memory. But no recollection of the connection.

“That seems…familiar” you tilted your head, squinting your eyes at the old man who gave you the same look.

“Well, I wouldn’t be surprised if you knew me. I am the smartest man In the universe”

[askthiscpblog]

I'm coming from the creepypasta vigilante AU blog and I was wondering since they're shipped on that blog,,, could this blogs Imani and Jeff meet? I wonder how these versions of them would interact. I dont know if this blog does those kinds of requests at all because I'm very very new and just know that she's here and obviously so is he... if you dont feel free to ignore this. I hope you have a wonderful day!!

Imani’s eye was closed, her hands in the air as she moved her body to the beat. She could feel in the air surrounding her, and she felt people’s sweaty bodies touching hers. She would shy away from people touching her usually, as it reminded her of the night that made her what she now was, but tonight was special. She was out on a mission, a mission to find a target. She was in one of the shadiest nightclubs she had ever been to, and by that alone, it was her favorite. The horny, drunk, and high people surrounding her weren’t bothered by her scars being that they were too faded to give a fuck and that’s what she liked about it. Not only that but they didn’t ask for an ID.

She moved from the center of the swarm and to the edge, finally breaking through the throng of bodies and she walked over to the bar. She smiled at the bartender, a friend of hers from a few nights ago. The woman on the other side of the bar poured Imani a shot of whiskey and Imani tilted the shot to her out of respect- that woman was a real one. Downing the liquid, it was like ambrosia to her and there was a familiar warmth that came with it spread throughout her body. She placed the glass upside down on the bar and then turned around, sitting on a stool with one leg crossed over the other with her short dress riding up. Not that she minded. She eyed the crowd with interest, a determined and manic glow in her eye. She was going to find someone to amuse her tonight.

In the crowd, a white dot was moving through the dark, almost as if it wanted to be found. It weaved its way in and out of sight until it disappeared. That’s when Imani heard a slap on the bar and a voice calls out to the bartender.

“A single barrel of the Knob Creek.” The bartender took a 50-dollar bill off the bar and hands the whiskey with a shot glass to a man. He was in a bright white hoodie with its hood up over his head, not letting too many people see his face. At least, what haze most could see though anyways.

“Ah, the good stuff.” He pours himself a shot and downs it. His head shakes with satisfaction and proceeds to pour another shot.

Imani turned towards the man in the white hoodie, a small but amused smile on her face. She watched him pour another shot and then determined then and there that he was going to be her entertainment tonight. If he knew it or not, after all, you don’t dress like that unless you were a drug dealer or into some shady shit. Either of those was good enough for her. Imani beckoned over the bartender once more and slid cash over to her with a smile on her face as the redhead opposite of her poured her another shot of whiskey. Without hesitation, Imani leaned her head back and downed it, closing her eye and relishing the feeling of it traveling down her throat.

“One of the gods’ best gifts to man.”

“Amen to that sister!” He yelled and takes another shot, then follows up with another, then another. Jeff paid no mind to the woman. He is out to relax and not deal with shit at the mansion. Being the person who everyone picked on was a bore. Even more so when he couldn’t gut them like they deserve for making him as irate as he is.

Imani, meanwhile, twirled one of her coils around her finger, eyeing him with interest. She’s bored and wanted entertainment for the night. She chuckled a bit and looked over to him, a smile on her crimson lips. Her accent coated her words as she spoke to him.

“You look like you can handle a few rounds. So, I challenge you,” she pointed one finger at him, “to a drinking contest. Because I’m trying to get fucked up and I need a valid reason. Winner gets…” She reached into her purse and pulled out two 50-dollar bills and set them on the bar, “one hundred dollars. Loser gets to wake up tomorrow with a headache and no hundred dollars.”

Jeff was not listening to the woman, thinking she another drunk cunt. That was until he heard her say drinking contest and the winner gets a hundred bucks/

‘Not a bad idea. Free cash is free cash. Not to mention I could get a free kill when she is knockout drunk.’ he thought to himself. A real smile on his face formed, unseen by the woman sitting close to him. The thoughts only became more devious. He took one more shot, turning the glass upside-down to signal he’s finished. For now, anyway.

“Sure. Why the fuck not? I’ve been having a shitty fucking week. I could use a little fun. What’s our poison of choice?” his voice is a bit raspy from the whiskey and excitement. It is unsettling to anyone who isn’t in the crowd that he goes with. Or to those who are not used to the underworld. He puts his hand in his hoodie pocket and grabbed his knife. He lets go of it right away and grabs a wad of cash close by. He pulls out a 50 from it and slams it on the table. He’s known as the legendary drinker at the house for a reason. Now he is going to show this bitch that. Imani called out to the bartender, a smile on her face, one that was unusual for her.

“Gimme a bottle of Jack, please and thank you…” The woman Imani had fucked a couple days ago set the bottle down on the bar. Imani poured the liquid into her shot glass, holding it up to the man she had challenged. He may be the best drinker wherever he’s from, but Imani had a trick up her sleeve. That trick being her god tier level alcohol tolerance. Whether it was from being brought back from the hands of death by a supernatural being that she couldn’t exactly comprehend. Or not, she didn’t know, and as she downed the liquid she didn’t care. If she couldn’t beat him, she was going to match him drink for fucking drink. And after? She was either going to sleep with him and then tear his innards out and spread them across her home like decorations or do the latter. She’d see where the night took her. And with that, the game began, and to her delight, she wasn’t disappointed.

Jeff takes two shots at the same time, one in each hand. Jeff can’t lose when it comes to Jack Daniel’s with a full stomach of food. He was here to have a long night and relax. This contest may shorten it, so she better put up a fight if she is going to interrupt his night off.

As Imani took shot after shot, she realized something. Whether it be the alcohol in her system or what have you, her paranoia was flickering. Something was off about this man, and she wasn’t sure whether she liked it or not. Part of her was screaming fun, fun, fun! The other part of her wanted to retrieve the gun from her purse and blow his brains out for making her feel even a little on edge. Ultimately, she decided to relax. She had plans for tonight, and the plan was to relax and then kill someone, and she would do both. She hummed as the game ended, and they polished off the bottle and she spoke, her accent coming out strong.

“It seems we have a tie, huh?” she had to admit, she’s impressed by how much he could put down. Maybe she wouldn’t kill him. She thought about it for a second. No, she was going to slit his throat regardless of his amazing drinking ability.

“I’ll let you have the hundred, for buying that nice bottle of Jack. Ciao.” She hopped from her stool, heading towards the door of the nightclub. If he didn’t follow her, he would live she decided. If he did? He’d either eat a bullet or get his throat slit.

In the contest, Jeff saw a moment of panic in her body movement. That made him grin during one of the shots. This caused the liquid to pour out of the slits in his mouth. When she started to leave, he waited for her to leave sigh.

“Not bad…not bad at all.” He said to himself. He grabbed the money he won and decided to tail her. This girl might provide a good night after all, either as a kill or even more money.

“Now for the real fun.” He started to follow her 50 feet away making sure he blends in the crowds of people. If not then the shadows. She never left his sight as he caressed the handle of the blade in his hoodie. It felt natural in his hands, all too natural.

She could feel his presence, she didn’t have to see him know he was following her. She could feel her whole-body humming, and her breathing sped up. Her pupil dilating in excitement as her body adjusted to the chemical changes it was making as her brain tipped into a psychotic episode. She knew this night would be a fun one. She exited the club, breathing in the night air and feeling it fill her lungs. She walked down the street, to her car, her steps rhythmic. She wasn’t wearing heels tonight, she wanted to be silent. And silent she was. The night was still, and she ignored the man’s presence as she walked. One, two, three, pause. In what seemed like no time at all she reached her car, and as she was walking, she adjusted her body in little ways. She swayed a bit, made her steps more uneven, less polished and perfect. She had to play the part, didn’t she? In all honesty, she knew she wasn’t fit to drive and wasn’t going to risk damaging her baby. She had friends a few blocks from the club that she was going to stay with. But this brought the perfect opportunity and she opened her purse, feigning looking for her keys. What she touched was the cold metal of her pistol. No. She shifted her hand a bit and touched the wooden handle of her favorite blade. He had provided her with entertainment, he would get the knife. In her mind, it was much classier than using the gun. And so, she wrapped her fingers around it, taking it out of her purse, as he got closer and her strength, and high, peaked.

He stopped almost on cue when she grabbed the handle of her weapon. He stands under the street light and behind her. Jeff finds it funny that she tried to act drunker than she was. With his years of drinking, he has become an expert of the drunken movements and language. It’s also funny she can’t hide the blood lust of hers. No woman in their right mind would challenge a guy to a drinking contest unless she has friends with her. Although she will say she has balls. She pulls a weapon in public and ready to kill.

“Well…what are you waiting for? I’m ripe for the taking.” He taunts to her, trying to get her to attack first.

As she turned, she couldn’t control the wide smile on her face, and she let out a chuckle. She wasn’t scared, no, she was very interested. Who exactly was this man? She didn’t know if she would consider fucking him now, after all, he looked like the Joker had sex with Deadpool and he happened to be their lovechild. Imani didn’t know if she was into that. She also wasn’t sure how she should let her behavior swing, manic or calculated she eyed him, sizing him up, an occasional manic chuckle escaping her lips as she did so. It was then that she decided to let her fucks blow in the wind and dropped her purse on the ground with a thud.

“Oh, darling. I know you are. You wouldn’t follow me out here for nothin’ would ya?” Then, she launched herself at him. Well, not at him at the street lamp he was standing under. She didn’t know who she saw him as, the many men who had raped her in her lifetime or a plain enemy. But she was going to give him something to fear at night if he made it passed tonight, and with the way she was moving and advancing and toying with him, some may doubt he would.

Jeff stands there as she heads her way. He grabs her knife arm at the last second.

“Must be hard to see with one eye.” he chuckles and with unnatural strength punches her in the gut and goes to try and same here on the ground. Jeff is going to have fun tonight the best way possible and if the cunt is lucky he’ll do her a favor and make her beautiful like him.

Imani felt pain radiate through her torso when he punched her, and the breath knocked from her lungs. He was strong, she’d give him that. Unnaturally strong, like a woman she met in the alleyway of Denny’s one time. She had to admit as she looked at him that she was impressed. But not impressed enough to spare him a left hook. For once she didn’t know if she was going to win this one or come out mostly unscathed and that was what made this fight fun. And oh, was she having the time of her life as her fist connected with his face faster than he could block.

He got knocked back, letting go of her as he stumbled, putting a hand on his cheek. He had to give it to her that she could throw a punch, but that was it. It was only a simple punch in the face. He looks at her with eyes of glee but with worry in them. The worry is because he hopes that this won’t be a letdown like the last few kills he’s had.

“Come on. Is that all you got? I want to have fun and take my time with this. I was expecting to fight a wolf, not a puppy.” He mocked her, hoping to rile her up.

“Here.” He pulls a knife out of his hoodie. Dropping it on the ground, he kicks it towards her with precision. Imani watched him kick the knife over to her, and she kicked it to the side away from herself, tossing her own knife next to it. She preferred hand-to-hand combat anyway. Chuckling to herself before speaking, knowing damn well that he was baiting her. She had grown up with seven stepbrothers, she knew that game well. She also knew that he was a being of brute strength, but she didn’t doubt that he was fast as well. But she knew how to beat someone stronger than her, it’s how she beat her daughter without fail. Turn all their strengths against them.

“I don’t fight like a wolf or a puppy, nguruwe, I fight like a woman. Now make your move, big man.”

‘Interesting.’ Jeff thought to himself. Not taking the bait mean she been through this type of game before. No matter, he had met people who played this game. He always won in the end anyway, no matter the other person’s experience.

Jeff took a step, then two, then he made a mad dash at her. Going low below the stomach to knock her on the ground. If he could get on top then it would be game over for her, but that’s no fun. So, he shuddered at the last second to see if she can counterattack. No point on ending this so soon.

The scarred woman knew he was holding back as he charged at her but didn’t mind it. After all, he was still proving to be rather entertaining. She was hyper-aware of everything going on around her as she feigned to the left. She then changed her movements at the last moment, going right, drawing her fist back before slamming it into his side. She backed out of his immediate range of motion, she knew he was stronger than her. So, she knew that she had to use her speed. She had places to be, and sugar daddies and mommies to leech money from.

The blow knocked him off balance but he was able to catch himself by putting his left hand on the ground to form a sideways three-point stand. He pushed himself back up and charge at her again, with more speed this time. His arms are wide open ready to grapple the girl like the bug in a Venus-flytrap. Still not going all in. Still making his assault flawed. Although he looks a bit aggravated despite his smile.

She analyzed him for a brief second before meeting him head-on. One step, two steps, and… three. She delivered a fast kick to his chest, her right foot flat against his sternum, leaning into it to make sure the kick didn’t roll off him. He was leaving himself wide open when he rushed at her. Why?

“You deliberately leave yourself open. Either you’re an idiot, or you know that if you kill me right now, you’ll get bored after. Or it’s a little of both. Either kill me now or stop stringing me along. I’ve got shit to do. And I’m cold.”

He snorted with aggravation, responding, “I was hoping you were holding back, but now I see you aren’t-”

He pulls out the second knife from the seat of his pants and stabs it in her leg as he recoiled back from her kick.  He then shoves her off and get on top of her and aim the knife at her face and strike and yells, “You should go to sleep then!”

She felt the red-hot pain and uncomfortable near itchiness of the knife entering her leg and she gritted her teeth in frustration, drowning out the pain. That was going to be a bitch to heal. Before he could plunge the knife into her face, she jolted her head to the left, seeing it go right next to where her head had before been. She was fine with getting stabbed and dying. But by a knife that already had her leg blood on it? No sir. She reached into her mouth, getting the razor blade under her tongue and slashing at his hand that was holding the knife, aiming to force him to drop it. She didn’t want to kill him. She knew someone who would adore tearing into him. Especially after he had, you know, fucking stabbed her.

He was not expecting a for a razor from there, so he had no time to mentally ready himself. The blade released from his grasp and it dropped next to her head with me the sound of metal hitting the concrete. This made his mood changed like a coin flipping over. His smile grew wider, almost too wide.

“That’s more like it!” He goes to grab the knife again and puts his right hand on her throat to makes sure she can’t move her head again.

She had to resist the urge to scream like a banshee when his hand wrapped around her throat. She did not like that, no she did not. Fuck that noise. Her eyes darted to his other hand reaching for the knife by her head. She balled up her left hand into a fist, swinging as hard as she could in the awkward position, aiming for his jaw. She hated not being on top, she really, really did.

It hits, although not very effective it did stun him for a second. She felt his hand loosen around her throat and felt slight relief. But he still wasn’t from her, and she wanted him off. She counted each hard thump of her heart as she became too anxious for logic. This situation was all too familiar for her comfort. That’s when she heard it- sirens. Police sirens, close by. She didn’t know if they were for her and her opponent, and she didn’t care. She didn’t want to be here if they came, that’s for certain. So, she settled on the last resort. Her nails. If she couldn’t get him off, she was sure as hell at least going to take at least one of his gross eyes with her. She wanted out.

He looks away seeing the red and blue lights coming their way and a sigh of disappointment came from his lips. It then turned into a loud groan of annoyance as more air fled his lungs.

“Well. Shit fuck that sucks. Just when it was starting to get fun. Sorry to eeeeeeeeeeeend!?” He sees the nails coming for the nope zone. He hopped back and stopped her chest hard.

“BITCH!!!”

“FREEZE!” An officer points a gun at Jeff.

Jeff smiles at him and b-lines at him. Bullets shoot at him, some hitting their mark, but it doesn’t slow him down. He scooped up the first knife he dropped earlier and tackles the cop. His knife plunged down on him many times. Hearing metal pierce flash, then hitting bones as the cop fell to the ground dead from the impact. He then looks at the girl on the ground showing her on how much he was holding back.

Imani saw this as an opportunity to get up and book it. Yanking the door open, she jumped into the car peeling away from the cops and the parking lot. This was already a stolen car, all she needed to do was ditch it in a lake or something. Yes, it was her baby, but her life was more necessary than anything else. It’ll get rid of the evidence for a while, and she needed to duck down at a friend’s place. That’ll work, for now.

[tamiddyinyourcity]

8:14am.

My brain repeats the phrase "Ion know if the pussy wet or if its bleedin n shit" from Nicki Minaj in Barbie Dreams whenever I have this shit starting.

Tuesday, May 5th of 2020.

I had a dream about having a panic attack trying to order food in a chinese buffet again. (Its not corona related, its just me being unable to choose out of things with too many options and too little options. They ask me what I want before I've even seen the menu or trays, its upsetting.)

But damn, I sure miss it. I really miss it.

Here's a song from my teenage years that I loved to listen to. (Its sped up, for some reason. And doesn't have Dej Loaf, so, this is the wack version.)

And an uplifting song.

I also had a dream where You're Dead to Me by Kali Uchis was playing hauntingly in the background. I can't even remember the dream, but, the annoying loom of heartbreak and overall memories had been getting on my nerves.

God, symbolism of me being haunted by the breakups with my ex. Wonderful, truly. (She says, really trying to avoid gritting her teeth, so hard she'd crack several.)

Feeling a bit odd, you know?

Or well, some feelings for him were still valid. I did like what we had.

But I still wonder how much of it was just a lie.

Seemed like a lot of his feelings for me were? Hard to say. One second, he'd be saying he didn't have strong feelings for me, but didn't know why. Then a few days later, surprises me with my favorite candy and flowers just to make me feel happy before a road trip.

Or him refusing to get back together after our first breakup went down, just to..... Creep on this page, to read all about how my date with Patrick #1 had went. (And weird, how me pausing writing, just for the OFFCHANCE of that guy creeping on me, and having to put a disclaimer for sex..... just, ugh, man..... That's weird and he knew it.)

At least I had the subconscious decency to know, "I'd rather Patrick #2 not read about how my ex boyfriend's dick was rubbing against my pussy lips or his face in my chest". (Ironically, nothing had happened past that. Since to an extent, I did end up liking #2 more than #1. Probably since #1 had less abs and was yet again hiding how me cutting him out of my life for a few months had hurt him emotionally. So yeah, when the hot ex is being weird, and you can lay next to a man you used to feel the closest emotion of "love" for, and still think about the way your most recent ex boyfriend used to smile at you in bed..... youve got it bad.)

Oh gross, I'm tearing up writing this. I really did like that guy.

But, not like I'm gonna pull an Usher and start dancing in the rain shirtless over it.

Because it's sunny, lmfao.

Anyways.

But hey, things were still given another chance. And what sucked the most was that it went well, really well.

Untiiiiiiil the freaking party.

I wasn't even gonna touch the conversation of his birthday with a ten foot pole, due to the whole "I called one of his good friends a shady bitch and told her to focus on shading her artwork than shading me", (which is true, her shit was lineart and the paint bucket tool fam.....)

But, it ended up in conversation. I would've just hung out with him in the morning or something before the party, or potentially helped set up.

But nope, he invited me. Despite 10 million (or ten) "are you sure its a good idea and not too soon"s, he said yes.

I even gave him the option to change his mind, as long as it was told to me a day or two before the event.

He was fine!

Theeeen oh look, morning of. He pussies out. Big time.

Jesus christ, I can no longer date or see any semblance of good in a coward man. That's just too pathetic and annoying at that damn point. Plus the LIES, man, anything to make him not seem like the person in a bad light! Shift it onto me, shift it onto Azalea, or Chris, or anybody! God, fuck you prick. I still 190% see why he never had anything good going on for him in life.

A 20 year old virgin with so little experience with girls or social interactions, thats embarrassing as hell. 90% of the shit that happened with him would only happen with other male virgins with 0% experience with anybody in life, or someone completely narcissistic or straight up braindead for any of that to happen.

He applies to all three, truly.

.....

Why do the pretty ones have to be so ridiculous? Ugh. I really dislike liking people. Especially romantically. They never know what to do.

Eugh.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh.

Gah.

Ugh.

Yuck.

Gross.

.......

8:48am.

But looking back, he had none of the real qualities I'd adored in a boyfriend.

I think it was convenience? Not even to seem like a dick. I straight up almost **** my ****** after me and Patrick #1 had broken up. And when the closest option to feeling like someone else genuinely cares about my presence and what I do with my life is with the next scrawny boy I meet online, then, it happens.

We did mesh pretty well, though.

But, not nearly enough on the level I had with another person.

Once I eventually went, "He's an entirely different person, don't bother trying to make him into something he's not, or expecting him to act like your other ex", (not like i ever truly did, or wanted him to,) then, things went easier.

I'm still unsure of if he ever actually liked me though, honestly.

He made that so hard to understand.

Always hard.

.......

I wanna be kissed, not gonna lie. Not by him. Maybe by the person he was before he showed all his true colors, and assholery.

I missed being loved, not gonna lie.

Not by him.

But just felt like it was.

Not very fun, knowing you're the one who cares more than the other person in any given situation.

But as I've said before: I can always say I was the one that tried.

In every single situation.

The one that was saying "no" to every resolution is now the man who is no longer in the picture.

Since he's a fat floppy pussy.

(I would refer to how he came from one, but his mother is really nice, so I'd rather just acknowledge she raised a cowardly narcissistic son who deserves to be castrated someday, instead of insulting her. She's a nice woman, very friendly! I appreciated meeting her in this current lifetime and whatnot.)

9:16am.

But I still have had better in my lifetime.

So much better.

That's always gonna be possible for me, fam.

Best believe it.

Alright, back to researching how to make my hair smell like Froot Loops. Peace out, my fams.

[zalrb]

TVD 1x19 Review ... tipsyish (heavy on the ish)

1.       Love the way Elena smiles at Stefan.  And how they smile when they kiss.

2.       Also like when Elena says “We’re going to be late” and Stefan is like oh let me grab my stuff, Ill be right behind you, she has a slightly crestfallen expression like, we’re not going to walk in together? But…

3.       Why exactly didn’t John just kill Damon and then tell the town that he was a vampire? Why is this plot elaborate when it doesn’t need to be?

4.       Legit, Damon’s smile is like the Grinch’s.

5.       BONNIE.

6.       That weave is fucking terrible.

7.       “I’m here on behalf of my mother.” “Behalf of or in spite of?” I don’t understand this as a response, it’s supposed to be witty but like … is Damon saying that Anna is here, as in on the world, despite her mother who is “destructive”? Am I just too buzzed to understand the response or is it actually just misplaced? It feels misplaced. It’s going to bother me.

8.       Ofc Bonnie is back and no one is really talking about her grief, like Elena “tries” but Caroline interrupts and is Caroline but when Caroline tries to gauge if Elena will drop out of Miss Mystic, I love that Bonnie has this grin on her face like lol, MF still the same.

9.       Aww, Stefan and Elena hanging up with “I love yous”!

10.   Lol I like how Damon is acting like Stefan stealing blood bags is the only thing that’s compromising their safety in MF as if John, who he tried to kill doesn’t know that he’s a vampire and as if it wasn’t his damn fault that the council was altered to vampires in the town in the first place.

11.   Why do they keep making a big deal of Pearl and Katherine being best friends? Like there really is no significance to that.

12.   One of my favourite SE dances! They are so goofy! This is so adorable.

13.   Literally never see Elena this goofy with Damon.

14.   Even in Bonnie’s grief, she has to say she won’t put Elena in a situation where she has to choose sides. Can’t even let her be angry and resentful and sad freely.

15.   I kind of like Anna’s butterfly earrings.

16.   I would expect the MMF pageant to have its own hair stylist but I guess not.

17.   I just realized they’re playing a string version of “Clocks” in the background when everyone is getting ready at the pageant.

18.   Now I want to listen to Clocks. It also reminds me of that Peter Pan trailer.

19.   I think I got a glimmer of Old Elena in her exchange with Amber because Amber is anxious and freaking out about being the centre of attention and Elena is all “oh do you want privacy so you can change?” but when Amber opts for air, Elena has this smirk/grimace on her face.

20.   LOL so Damon and Elena actually had NO scenes together for 21 minutes and 25 seconds, they’ve barely interacted this ENTIRE season, it actually isn’t that much of a love triangle when they’re BARELY together but oh yes, 1x19 the EPIC DE episode, the EPIC DE scene that is SO contrived.

21.   This entire thing just reminds me of Stefan’s very valid point in season 8 when he’s like so you could’ve helped me, you could’ve tried to look for me but you chose to dance with Elena instead except of course him dancing with Elena is like … she hasn’t done anything for you to do this, Damon, it only makes sense if you’re trying to stick it to Stefan, which is what this entire episode is about. He constantly talks about how Stefan is drinking human blood but doesn’t actually do anything to help him then he goes to Elena and is basically like so your boyfriend isn’t Mr. Perfect anymore and then he chooses to dance with her instead of being a decent brother. Trash.

22.   Laugh my MOTHERFUCKING ASS off to that anon who said Paul was a terrible actor. That agitation and anxiety and high and lows and desperation and guilt in this ONE scene with Amber is fucking everything.

23.   “That’s the first time I felt it. How sexy he was.” Really? Because you look like you’re about to throw up, my girl.

24.   I used to give them the MF dance but it’s actually not that sexy/charged of a dance it just so happens to be the sexiest/most charged dance of the DE dynamic, which isn’t the same thing at all. Like Nina’s trying to bring it with her eyes but Ian has no presence, he’s just squinting his eyebrows.

25.   And she has that little grin and I’m like …  I guess? There isn’t anything particularly special about this dance though, but like whatever, let’s make something out of literally nothing because it’s the Delena way.

26.   Blood on shards of mirror doesn’t automatically mean vampires, but whatever.

27.   Out of control, addicted, spiralling Stefan is mid-feed but he hears Elena’s voice and he stops feeding. This is an example of showing not telling.

28.   Also I get that Bonnie wanted to stop Stefan from possibly hurting Amber so that’s why she used her magic to stop him but legit if it were me and I was supposed to have the rage that Bonnie had, I would just make Stefan finish Damon off and then incapacitate him later.

29.   Stefan and Elena’s second “You shouldn’t be here”

30.   DE fans like to compare this scene to the compulsion scene that Damon fails in season 4 because when Stefan says, “Why would you risk it?” she says “Because I did this” and when Elena has faith that Damon will fight the compulsion he says, “Why because Stefan did?” and she says “Because I love you, because you love me” but here is the thing about context, Elena has repeatedly said that she loves Stefan in this scene without saying I love you. “You shouldn’t be here.” “I know.” “All you did is expose me to who I really am.” “No, you can’t scare me off.” If it was simply a matter of her feeling guilty then she wouldn’t have to be the one in the room, it could’ve been Damon. She says “because this is my fault” because she’s devastated that her blood started his downward spiral and psychological break, this entire scene is about love and their love conquers this part of Stefan’s life. Damon said sorry and sped away.

31.   “Stefan, I’m not going to give up on you, I BELIEVE in you” I just realized that when Elena confronts Stefan about the blood at the pageant he says, “Elena, I thought you believed in me…” and she’s showing him that she does. Makes this scene ALL THE BETTER.

32.   Even the way she strokes his hair as he’s spiralling downward, that physical need to comfort him through his pain. Lmfao, DE could never. SC could never.

33.   And the way she tries not to cry before stabbing him with vervain.

Thanks for reading! I was vaguely tipsy in the beginning and quite sober by the end.

[the-affectionate-boy]

abuse the aftermath of it,

Results vary widely from person to person from a guys perspective.(These are my views on it, if you want to pitch in or if you think i am wrong feel free to let me know where and why.)

I Don’t really know how to start this off, I don’t want to come across as a pretentious asshole right off the bat. So I am going to do it in sections. 

FAMILY:

Three things can mainly become of this after being in a domestic abuse I.E being the son/daughter. 1. You could have a strong aversion to marriage/having children, Because you worry that you will become the abuser, even though you you personality types are polar opposites. You are afraid hat you may become them and inflict the same pain upon your wife/husband as the abuser did to you. Which can cause a lot of strain on a relationship if communication iS NOT a factor

2. . You could come out of there and set up a plan going. “Okay I strive to not be like this and prove to that person I am nothing like them, and I am stronger than them.” even if you come out like this you’re going to have a lot of damage still done but you could feel that this experience has strengthened your resolve and through tragedy set you on your path. 

3: You could slip up, and just come out cruel and bitter, and become what happened to you, without even really realizing it, or know how to really stop it. If you can catch it early and get the help needed, then things can still turn around. 

LIFE:

1. After it has happened, even if the mother/father is out of the picture the ramifications are noticeable as you try and pick up the pieces. The aftermath of it can leave you with a whole shitshow of things that have been broken or damaged either mentally or physically or both. please don’t try and get through this alone. I know you may think “Oh no I’ll be fine I deserved all this, I should be able to get through it on my own. Or hey don’t worry I will be okay I don’t want to burden anyone with my problems. Please for the love of all things precious please get some help. You just finished walking over a bed of jagged rocks and glass. Even though it may not look it your feet are shredded. please try and get help. 

I was going to do a section about submission in kink, but i didn’t know how to go about it, so I will add that in when  have a thing about it. 

Abridged version of my experience: Met the bloke when I was 12, he was really really nice, (Found out recently mum was looking for a dom, foresight this would be a really bad egg she chose.) after they got married about 50ish maybe a year in. He drank and smoked a lot, When he got drunk he got touchy feely. and verbally abusive. incident one: “After groping my nan, my pop told Gavin to go home and he was drunk so he couldn’t drive. half way through the drive home he peed in the car and started to laugh. So mum pretty annoyed she pulled over ad wound the window down and asked him “What the F, why did you do that.” **Possible trigger warning, graphic recollection incoming, please skip if you don’t want to read.**

Next thing I know, he has mums head out of the car window semi choking her. and hurled abuse at her and myself. Telling me repeatedly that I was a waste of space, and mum should have aborted me, or gotten rid of me since I was a stupid retard and that I was better off dead. and so he turned to me and said “Lochlan, if you go and go and stand on the road, and end your pitiful life and do the whole world a favor then i will let your mum go. Hey i won’t give a fuck you’re a retard anyway the world will be better off. So yeah I did what I though was best, I mustered the courage I had, and stood out in the cold on the street, waited for about 5 minutes. I was scared but I wanted to save mum, I wanted to at least save her even if I had to die to do it.after about five minutes. I remembered my dvd player which I was going to sell was in the back seat and the leat seat was down so I got back in the car. I apologized to mum for being a bad son, as I sat in the back seat and reacher for the dvd player, and I just whacked him with it, through the console area I kept on doing it until he stumbled out of the car, The door to the back was closed, yet the passenger door in the front was swinging open as mum sped off home.for a week afterwards I made her coffee and breakfast in bed.” From that point onwards, I had to call the police a few times to come over and try to help mum. after a few more incidents one even while on holidays my brother was with us and so i tried to comfort him. after two years it ended, mum managed to get out, and divorce him.” 

Even to this day I still feel like a bad son because I should have done more, I should have been stronger. But I know that I did the best I could, so please please if you have gone through a domestic abuse life or an abusive relationship in general. please try and get support. I am so proud of you all for still being around, and if you are getting help I wish you the best of luck, and I am so proud of all of you please try and stay positive how you can. The experience may never go away but at least you can learn from it, you can know what to look out for, things like that. Stay safe everyone, and I am really sorry if I sounded like a cliche asshat or anything.

You’re all valued each and everyone of you, if I knew how to put in gifs I would put in a big nice hug one. Because you all deserve it, and I would hug you all try and hug the pain away and tell you how amazing you are and support you as best I can. please don’t think you’re not valid because someone might have had it worse, you’re all valid you’re all hurting I wish you the best of luck. Please try and stay safe I believe in you all you can do this okay, you’re good bright valued cookies, the best kind of, please don’t forget that.