#the start of a beautiful codependency <3

[marc--chilton]

(mgv) adam is a natural with kids and doesn't even realize it. he frets about taking care of diana on his own because he's so convinced he'll mess her up so bad -- and he's so aware of her trauma with zep, a stranger who hurt her and her family, and how soon adam melded into the gordons' lives directly after all that. it's not even a "i hope my boyfriend's kid likes me" because adam's been nervous about fucking up around her since the moment he and lawrence moved in together and diana was cleared to visit on weekends. and while lawrence admits he would have never considered adam for a babysitter before, he has, frankly, a generous amount of faith that adam is worrying over nothing.

but he doesn't think twice about cutting the crusts off her sandwiches when she asks, reassures her when she admits she wants a nightlight even though she's a big girl, he even swallows his own fear to check every closet for her when she's scared the Bad Man will come back. he lets her crawl in his lap while she reads her book, he purrs his obscenely loud, rough, engine-like purr just because it makes her laugh, complains with her about homework because, like, i know right? multiplication tables? gross.

then diana goes back to alison and adam heaves a huge sigh, having tried so hard but still not convinced he does right by her.

[vintageghoststories]

I genuinely think its impossible for me to create a story that doesn’t have at least 2 she/he’s in it.

[punksocks]

Astrology Observations No.27:

*just based on my observations, pleas only take what resonates

(Trying to write more posts and answer more asks lately, everything has been so busy omg- hope you all enjoy what I can put out there tho! c:)

-A perspective but I think Libra placements (big 6 but especially Venus and mars) are attracted to harmonious/balanced appearances, like I think having that glow from confidence in your aesthetic and it fitting you and things like that can make you just as attractive to Libra placements as conventional measurements of beauty

-Sun Conjunct Venus makes you really charismatic and you probably attract a lot of people by being yourself, and sometimes these natives can be people pleasers especially if they’re trying to impress others

-Quietly I associate your mars sign and your MC the most with the work you’ll do. Mars because you can’t divorce your passion from your work (says the Capricorn). And MC because it’s what you’re known for and that’s often tied to some sort of work/action. North node is tied in there too but it plays out so long term it can be harder to summarize. (I can do a post about the general fields that placements tend to go towards if folks are interested?)

-Aries and Sagittarius Mercury tied for most likely to accidentally blurt out your secrets

-Chiron Venus aspects (especially square, opposition, and conjunction) may find themselves undoing a lot of pressure around their looks or being especially hard on themselves over their perceived flaws/imperfections

-The sign over your 5th house may denote if you have many or few casual romantic connections (Saturn/Capricorn pointing to fewer one end of the scale and Jupiter/Sagittarius pointing to many at the other end of the scale, depends on Venus and mars too)

-You may find yourself accidentally pouring your heart out to water moons (especially cancer over how emotionally in-tune they are and scorpio over traaaaumaaa oml)

-I feel like Sagittarius can feel less mutable because Jupiter makes some of the forms of expression so big (ex. A Sagittarius Mars can get so mad at you and blow up, Sagittarius Mars/Venus typically date many partners, Sagittarius moons can express their emotions in a big way- I probably feel this way bc I’m Sag Pluto, the extremes lol)

-I’ve noticed that Venus dominants can seek more attention compared to like Leo/sun doms

-Fixed Venus can become codependent on their partner, putting heavy exceptions on their person for them to be their everything if underdeveloped— but if developed they can be very loyal to their person

-Mutable Venus aren’t quite commitment-phobic but they tend to be looking for a really special combination of traits to actually settle down with (when they’re monogamous), otherwise they get distracted very easily (or they treat their romantic options, and sometimes friends, like very temporary things- for better or for worse)

-Cardinal Venus are most likely to really go after what they want romantically, I think out of all the Venus modalities they have the most accurate idea of what they want at heart, from the start. But on the shadow side of this, they may be manipulative or try to conform their partner into what they want. (may play out differently for moon opposition/square Venus)

-I feel like where ever Venus is heavy in your chart may be how people assume you’re gracious but in a somewhat shallow way (ex. Venus conjunct mercury, people may find your voice and expression charming but assume you’re not that smart)

-Venus/Saturn aspects/ Capricorn Venus tend to have a lot of unrequited love interests and crushes that don’t reciprocate their affections when they’re younger but as they get older they tend to get the most affection from suitors that are older than them (be careful out here! Sometimes these old folks don’t know anything and they have bad intentions- girl when I say I had to take my own advice)

-Leos (big 3, especially sun & Asc) often know the right thing to say to charm you, it’s like when they want to they hit that sweetspot dead on. So do Libra’s (big 3) but they tend to approach things less directly, like compliments that really sit with you and come onto you in quieter, sometimes less serious way (if they have both in their big 3 then they’re just -a charmer- and idk I take that at face value 80% of the time lol but I’m a skeptic)

-I find that Pisces and Sagittarius placements (big 6 but especially sun for identity and moon for emotionality) often get VERY into spirituality at some point in their lives

-People with Jupiter in Virgo tend to work very diligently, almost too hard sometimes and they can be prone to burning themselves out from this behavior (something something don’t burn the candle at both ends- hypocritical from a Jupiter in Capricorn person lol but still)

-We talk about how Scorpio placements observe every detail about you, but I like Pisces placements (big 6 but especially sun, moon, Venus, and mars) have told me things about myself and habits I have that I’ve never noticed about myself. They’re super observant they notice a lot. I think they have this in common with their sister sign, Virgo. But I noticed Pisces will use their intuition in their observations instead of just analyzing. (I.e. you do x when you’re angry, is it because you feel defensive? Or I noticed you light up when you talked about him, you must really like him)- can also apply to Neptune Conjunct your big 3 (especially moon), and big 3 in 12th but it’s a bit more second nature to them than Pisces

-The season of your Venus sign is the time you’re most likely to indulge in self care and purchases for yourself (Sag season started and all of a sudden I was like I need makeup now, even though I hardly wear it in the winter lol)

-The season of your mars is the time you’re most like to take major actions (starting a business, going on solo adventures, etc)

-The season of your sun is when you’re most likely going to receive the most public recognition (also when the sun is transiting your MC/10th house)

[psychelis-new]

pick a pile: "What a beautiful flower you are"

take a breath and choose the photo or number that calls you the most to read a few words reminding you of how strong, worthy and important you are through every step of your journey. remind yourself of how flower can stand up in the rain and how they may grow through concrete. no matter what is going on, remember that at the end of the day you are always the best, strongest and most valuable flower around at any given time. you can't compare with anyone else, cause you're unique.

don’t take the reading too seriously. only take what resonates with you and leave the rest. if you're not called by any pile, let this reading slid as it may not hold messages for you. if you're called by more than one pile, there may be messages in each of those piles. remember that is a general reading and some things may not resonate with you. energies can change and readings are based on present ones (as you read); you're always in charge of your life. readings do not substitute real life experience nor professionals/doctors advices.

(photos found on unsplash)

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1 2 3 - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ -

pile 1

You make beautiful things grow around whatever negative may happen. You find the positive side in anything that happens and know how to start all over again from anything, trying to make it better. You welcome and nurture what hurts, you transform it in seeds that one day will give life to beautiful flowers just like you. I think you help a lot especially people around you in this process of seeing and finding a positive side, a different side from which to look at what happens and what has happened. You give new povs and new life to scraps and past (it could also be something you like to do creatively/practically, btw). I think those coming in touch with you are deeply changed and inspired by you. You probably forget to use this beautiful habit of yours for yourself too. Please, include yourself into this. You're as deserving of beautiful things as others. Nurture your own pain too, and do anything you can to make it grow into something beautiful and bright as you. And don't close off from others, don't hide your pain from those who'd love to help you. Let them do it for you. You deserve as much as you give away.

song: obsessed | mariah carey (don't be overly obsessed in helping others to the point of codependency, help yourself as well)

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pile 2

You may have experienced some difficult relationships (eg. family, love, friends, colleagues...) and now you kind of buildt a multi-layered wall around your heart so that people won't be able to make you suffer/betray you again. And yes it's hard for people to get in and hurt you but also to love you. And yes it may make you feel strong and in control but I think you may be also struggling a lot because of this. Being so overprotective of yourself, despite ofc understandable (it's a defense mechanism), is making you feel lonely too because it's blocking your connections from growing. You've been through a lot and you're still here but it's not because of your walls that you made it through. It's because of the love that pulse inside of you. Have a talk with your emotions, with your wounded ego, and realize that not everyone is here to hurt you. You're very much hurting yourself first by not letting others in in fear of something that may never happen. You can survive anything, you can defend yourself, you can call people out or ask for clarifications. It's not you the naive/"wrong" person if you trust others and they let you down or betray you. You cannot control what others do with what you give them, nor you're responsible of/guilty for that. Come back to you, master your emotions.

song: pure shores | all saints

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pile 3

I think at times you're confident and well but other times you let your self doubt come in between and make you fear you're saying or doing something bad? Ruining something or the day of someone else? Like you end up falling easily and fast into this negative mental pattern of being useless and inherently "bad" (guilty? unworthy?). I think it's a matter of growing acquainted with your boundaries, setting some healthy ones and not fear being judged (it may have happened a lot in your life) for them or not being appreciated anymore or abandoned if you stopped pleasing others. We need to respect ourselves too, not just others (and pleasing them is not the same as respecting them anyway: you can disagree/say no and still be respectful). It's like you forget about your worth (it doesn't depend on how good you perform) all of a sudden in fear of being left out. You may feel unsafe in setting your boundaries especially when stressed out (or it just may stress you as said), like you may fear being perceived as rude and left alone. It may be that you got manipulated or gaslighted into feeling always wrong, guilty or bad if you didn't acted as "expected of you". I'm sorry about this: remember you are inherently good and worthy, and you have the right to stand up for yourself. You won't end up alone. Find your inner balance and peace, go slow. You're already perfect.

song: underdog | you me at six

[poppy-metal]

Punch Drunk Love!

Summary: You came back to hawkins for one thing and one thing only (or so you think), Eddie munson. Ex boyfriend, the love you left behind and never got over. You want him back. Obstacles? Damn them all.

Pairing: Eddie x reader. Steve x reader. Steddie x reader. Slight Steve x Eddie.

Word count: 18k

Cw: Toxic!reader, kinda codependent relationship dynamics, CHEATING, SMUT 18+. Poly dynamics, mean dom!eddie, soft!dom eddie, handcuffs, switch!steve. Brat!reader, facefucking, creampies, mutual masturbatiom.

A/n: s/o to @snowflakeicicles for basically cowriting this with me <3

Steve groans as their manager sets another box of movies on the counter, telling them they needed to be stocked by the end of the night or they’d be in trouble; he reflects duly on how he and Robin need to get new jobs.

He sighs as he turns towards Robin, already in the process of using a box cutter to tear the thing open.

“What if we just quit? Like totally up and left? Still think that’s an option?” He knows he’s not gonna get the answer he wants when he sees the look she’s giving him and nods, turning again before stopping in his tracks.

“Aye — wait, look,” He beckons her over, voice a whisper yell as he points outside the window, “Is that who I think it is or am I going insane?”

"Quit being a drama queen, your hair will start graying and then what would all the girls of hawkins do? Breathe a sigh of relief, probably, now that i think about it." 

robins jest has no bite to it. She just loves to pick at him. The guy really did never stop complaining, you'd think he was a teenage diva and not a twenty something man. 

She peeks over her magazine at his words, glancing out the doors. Her eyebrows shoot up to her hairline. 

"That can't be them. It's a mirage."

Inside the car outside you check your pouty red lips in your compact mirror before clapping it shut, pocketing the item and looping your arm through your friends.

Your grin is big and toothy, shiny lips spreading. "I hope we see someone we know — This town hasn't changed a wink, hun, they needed us to spice it up." You bounce on your toes as you enter the store. "Lets get top gun. I miss-" 

You pause when you see robin, who you just barely know and Steve harrington. So he really peaked in high-school then? You drop your friend's arm in favor of approaching your former friend and leaning your hip against the counter next to him, already smirking. 

"Well, well. I see being prom king didn't do you any favors, harrington. Miss me?"

Steve has to keep himself from sputtering when he sees you, swallowing thickly. Had you gotten even prettier? That was so fucked up.

He rolls his eyes as you saunter towards him, offering a quick wave to your friend before he’s focusing his attention on the girl about to antagonize him.

“Ah, how couldn’t I? You know, my heart ached to let you go, really, I’ve been so lonely without the barrage of insults from my favorite girl.” 

He says it dramatically, almost as if he was wounded, clutching his heart — before he’s raising an eyebrow, leaning forward over the counter, “What brings you back, anyway?”

You giggled at steve's dramatics, rolling your eyes and poking his chest. 

"You like my insults, stevie. They always kept you humble." You dug in your purse to pull out a juicy fruit, popping one in your mouth as you held another one out to him. This had been your thing in high-school — you offering Steve your gum, or whatever treat you'd had on you.

"Here. I'm here for summer break! I was feeling homesick, ya know? Plus I've seen everything there is to see over there. What's new around here anyway?"

Steve chuckles, watching you pop the gum into your mouth and cursing himself for how his heart races.

You had always been — enchanting would probably be the right word, irritatingly beautiful a better phrase. You're easy to be infatuated with and Steve knows it, but he’d told himself a long time ago he wouldn’t be involved lest you break his heart too.

He nods as he grabs a piece, shrugging while he pops it between his lips, “Homesick for Hawkins? Seems like college is rough on you, then—“

“Oh, not much. Everyone’s still hanging out, you know, the usual — we haven’t been seeing much of Munson, though—“ He pauses before saying his next words, wary to set you off but going ahead anyway, “Fucker got a girlfriend, can you believe it? We never see him anymore.”

You pause mid chew and mid checking out steve's newly defined muscles. Where'd those come from, anyway? your gaze snaps back up to meet his, straightening up. 

"Girlfriend. Eddie has a girlfriend? You know what? Don't answer that. I'll find out myself." 

Images of eddies skin on yours fill your mind, late nights spent in his trailer, him teaching you how to shot gun, ditching class to kiss in the woods, his reverent brown eyes looking up at you, 'you're it for me, baby.' his words flow through you.

It wasn't your place to be enraged right now. You'd left eddie as soon as you'd gotten accepted into the college of your dreams, refusing to settle in this town, and breaking eddies heart in the process. But they had been soulmates. Sure you'd fucked around since then, but an actual relationship? Going steady? Never. 

You were going to kill her. Kill whoever that bitch was and then strangle eddie munson for ever thinking he could replace you when you had always planned to come back for him. Impatient fuck. Over your dead body would be move on. 

You turned sharply. 

"Stevie, we'll have to talk some time, really. I just need to see something real quick."

Steve blinks, watching your entire demeanor change and realizing that maybe, just maybe, telling you that was the worst idea he’s ever had.

He knew about your and Eddie’s history — hell, everyone did, you were one of the oddest power couples their school had ever had. But when you broke up with him, Eddie was heartbroken, and Steve thought you had completely left the guy in the dust.

Which is why him getting over you seemed like a good thing. At the time.

Steve watches the two girls leave, anger nearly radiating off one of them, and he turns to Robin with his mouth slightly agape, “We should be concerned, shouldn’t we?”

She blinks. 

"About what?"

The bells above the door jingle as you walk in, your sweet perfume wafting through the air as you scan the crowd. Your eyes immediately find him. You stand there for a moment just staring.

He looks so different and yet so the same. Dark clothes, dark hair, but his jaw is sharper, he stands with more confidence in his posture. He's at the bar, clearly just done with performing a set, his hair a wild mess, strands sticking to his forehead, grin wild. 

your lips part and you start toward him, pausing when some blonde cretin flies in front of you and throws herself onto Eddie. Your Eddie. She squeals and you feel your eye twitch as Eddie's smile goes warm and his arms wrap around the hussy. 

The girlfriend. Right. You tap your nails on the bar, loudly enough so they'll both hear and stop being disgusting. 

"I see you've finally acquired rockstar groupie status, eds." your eyes flit to the girl when you say groupie. "Congratulations."

Eddie feels like he’s on top of the world. His band has finally started playing more gigs, and he’s finally starting to get noticed. Getting older has given him confidence, and his heart feels like it’s finally on the mend.

Sure, maybe he wasn’t the happiest with his girlfriend — You would always be on the back of his mind, poking at his brain like a thought he just couldn’t shake.

But you had made it clear you didn’t want him anymore, so who was he to deny you? He’d gone through a really rough patch, and so that’s why seeing you feels like he got punched in the gut.

The sight of you makes the whole world fall apart, and suddenly he’s realizing maybe he didn’t do a great job of getting over you.

He coughs, though, offering you a warm smile and a chuckle, even as his girlfriend’s grip gets tighter around him, “Ah, no, this is actually my girlfriend — Stella, Y/n, Y/n, Stella. When did you, uh — when did you get back in town?”

"So I heard." 

You barely stop your eyes from rolling, waving down the bartender for a drink. With a strawberry around the rim. When he slides one to you, you turn back to the pair- gag- and pop the berry into your mouth, biting into half of it. 

"I got back a few days ago. Stevie told me you got yourself a new girl. Sandra was it?" You knew it was stella. Remembered the girl from high-school as the twat who was always ogling Eddie but running the other direction whenever you'd caught her staring. So she'd made your move, huh? Bitch.

Stella sneered at you as she snuggled closer to Eddie with her leech arms and you hopped onto a barstool, crossing your legs. 

"Is this what you've been doing while I was away? I wasn't here for the full set but you look really good, eddie. I remember when it was just those 5 drunks and me at your shows. Good job, babe."

Eddie’s eyes widen as he takes you in, the hand wrapped around Stella’s waist loosening ever-so-slightly the more you lean into him.

Why was he even talking to you? He should go, take Stella and go home and try to not think about the fact that he’s never truly gotten over the girl in front of him. But that’s the coward’s way out.

Stevie. God, he was going to kick Harrington’s ass next time he saw him, “Did he? I’m sure you’ve had your fair share of relationships too, babe.“

Stella glares at you from her place on Eddie’s side, and Eddie wishes he was more oblivious to it than he actually was. Stella had always asked what would happen if you came back — looks like they were going to find out.

He chuckles, a big ringed hand coming up to rub at the nape of his neck, “Well, gee, thanks — really, I'm grateful for how we’ve come up the past few months, all of us — what about you, though? Why're you back all of a sudden?”

"Are you the Hawkins border patrol? Maybe I missed the scenery. Or the people."

You say the last part with feeling, meeting eddies dark eyes head on. You move your hair to one side of your neck so the tattoo Eddie had given you your junior year together shows. It's an image of two hearts, connected together by the stem of a rose, the thorns making the hearts bleed. It was supposed to represent how intense you made each other feel. How even though you made each other bleed with want and how you couldn't be apart. No matter what. 

"Do you still play D&D? I've actually gotten really good at it. I could probably play a game with you and not even cheat! I'm still chaotic evil, though." 

You smile at him, your feet kicking, talking to him like no time has passed and like Stella isn't even there. To you, she isn't. 

"You proud?"

“You, missing anything about this place? Sorry, but that’s the biggest bullshit i’ve ever heard."

His heart skips a beat and his words trail off when he sees the tattoo on your neck, bottom lip being pulled between his teeth. He remembers giving you that, remembers telling you it was a symbol that would stay forever, just like he would.

And he did think that. Part of him is angry, wants you to recognize that the fact that they’re not together right now isn’t his fault. But he tries to keep it together stupidly, even as the girl next to him decides to speak up.

“Oh, you play that nerd game, too? He keeps trying to get me to play it and it really doesn’t seem all that fun. He’s so cute when he’s into it, though, huh?”

Eddie’s desperately trying to steer the conversation away from this, because suddenly he’s remembering how truly chaotic evil you are and he knows that you can be a real fucking menace if you want to be.

“And, haha — yeah, ‘course i’m proud, though I doubt you don’t cheat.”

You wince at his tone, hearing the bitterness in it. Your last meeting....hadn't been sunshine and rainbows. You'd left him heartbroken and standing in the rain after a screaming match where you confessed to feeling suffocated by this town. So yeah, you guessed it was stupid to believe he'd fall for your missing this place. You'd missed him, though. 

Your eyes glide to stellas with disdain. God, her voice was grating. Like chalk on a chalkboard. Screetchy. "He is, isn't he? Just the cutest." 

You take a long sip from your drink, red lips wrapped around your straw more provocative than needed. You hum around the straw and kick your foot out playfully to knock against his shin. You keep your foot there, though, against his ankle. Cry about it, stella. 

"Cheating isn't so bad, Eddie, I keep telling you. The sooner you come to the dark side, the better, hm? S'fun over here."

It seems that your last  words are enough for Stella and she's letting out a huff, hitting Eddie’s arm with her bag before she stomps away.

“Wait, babe —“ Eddie tries to call after her, sighing as he sees her walk out the door of the bar. 

He turns to you with a disappointed look on his face, doe eyes more defeated than angry. He seems like he deflates, rubbing at his temples with one hand. Why do you have to keep doing this to him?

He turns to the bartender, sighing, “Put whatever she gets on my tab. Don’t let her go overboard.”

Then he’s turning to you again, shaking his head and pointing to the door, “I’m — im going to fix — that — and then you’re going to come over later and get all the shit you left at my place, okay?” 

His voice nearly cracks but he takes a deep breath, trying to stay calm, “You can’t do that shit, — god.” And then he’s running out of the bar, probably to console the crying girlfriend that had just ran out.

Your baby blue chunky boots clunked up the steps to eddie's trailer. You blew your bubblegum into a bubble as you knocked on his door, popping it as soon as it swung open to reveal the man. 

You chewed the juicy fruit and smiled at him sweetly, the guilt you felt for being a cunt earlier all gone. You had a game plan now. You'd make him forgive you. "Hey, eds. M'here to 'get my shit', i think is how you put it?" 

You don't wait for his reply, stepping up, knowing your proximity would make him back up, and slip inside the trailer, knowing the way to his room by heart. He still had the same posters, same guitar strung up, same bed frame. And- You smirked, walking forward and holding up his prized handcuffs with one finger. 

"You still have these? So sentimental. I missed these things, you know. Who knew people in the city could be so vanilla? Tragic, honestly." You shook the cuffs at him, teasing. You were getting a kick out of frustrating him. It would make it so much better when you made him snap.

He grimaces when he opens the door to his trailer, eyes trailing over you with a tight frown pulling at his lips.

You looked perfect, of course you did — you always fucking did, and he swears it was gonna get the best of him one day. He just hoped it wouldn’t be now.

“Yes, of course, come in, make yourself at home—“ He gestures to the inside of his trailer dramatically, heaving a big sigh as he does.

He follows you throughout the place and rolls his eyes at your comments, arms crossed as his eyes trail over you, “Yeah, Stella likes em too—“ Part of him knows he shouldn’t be saying that, but he swears only you can bring out this vengeful side of him.

“Why're you doing this, huh? Why now?”

You feel your eye twitch like an insane person at the mention of eddie using these with stella, dropping the cuffs like they'd caught on fire with a disdainful look. So he wasn't going to play nice? Neither were you then. 

"Isn't it obvious, eddie bear? I want you back." You say it lightly, like it's no big deal. You mean it though, wholly and truly. You move around him again to perch on his bed and cross your legs. "I missed you." 

You flick your eyes around the room, almost like you're bored but really because you hate being vulnerable, even now. You wanted him back because you loved him and never stopped but there was a small part of you that feared maybe this wouldn't work. Maybe he'd break your heart this time around. 

"Where's all my stuff anyway? Do you have it all in some lockbox you look back to on dark nights when you're all alone and feeling lonely. And horny."

Eddie nods, trying not to let his surprise show. Of course he knew that was the case, but he didn’t expect you to admit it so quickly.

“So what’s your game plan here, then, hm?" His voice is shaky, trying not to think back on how broken he’d felt when you left. How he truly felt like he’d never get you back, “You get to fuck up my heart, leave and come back to me when you’ve had your fill of the city? That it?”

He sees right through you, something that he knows you must realize. That’s why when he walks over to his closet, grabbing a lockbox from the top shelf and setting it in front of you on his desk, he knows the frown on your face is genuine.

“Yeah, actually, I did. Looked at it every night for the past year and cried, barely stopped — you know you can be vulnerable, you know. I see through the joking act.”

You don't like how he's acting. Sure you didn't expect a warm welcome or for him to open his arms for you immediately, but your Eddie had never been mean. Not to you. Not ever. When he sets the lockbox down you frown, scowling really. At him and at yourself. You feel the pinpricks of self hatred that you'd made him cry over you. 

But you aren't giving up. "Of course you do. You always knew me so well, eddie. Better than anyone ever could. Better than anyone ever will, probably." Maybe a sentimental and honest approach will work to open him up to you. You can give a little. 

Reaching towards the lockbox, you pop open the lid and peer inside, biting your lip as memories wash over you. There's your old pink camera, polaroids you'd taken of them together, some of your jewelry and other knick knacks. your favorite bandanna and one of your pale pink bras with strawberries on them. 

You pick up a polaroid you'd taken a while ago of them together at the premiere for a nightmare on elm street. You turn it to him. 

"I remember that night. It's when we first started dating. You took my virginity after, remember? In the back of your truck at the drive in. It was the best night of my life." 

You frown. "Did you really use the handcuffs on stella, or were you saying that to hurt me?"

He simply stands there for a second, leveling you with a loaded look: eyebrows scrunched together, pouty lips set into a line and doe eyes full of all the hurt he’d buried over the past year.

But he knows that he doesn’t hate you, knows that he never could — and he also knows that it’s killing him to act like he does.

He sighs, slumping down into the chair in the corner of his room and running his hands down his face, “Yes, I remember — I thought you were actually scared of the movie but you wanted to get into my pants; I couldn’t blame you.”

He shakes his head, angry at himself for admitting this to you, “No, shes — not into that stuff. Not like you were.”

She's a lot different than you were, he thinks, visibly distraught. She's worse.

"I was scared! Its not my fault you were all hot and protective." 

You almost grin when he admits the truth about stella, but hide it. You know you've got him hooked, the reminder of the past softening him. He won't take your back tonight, not that easily, not that soon, but that's not the objective anyway. Tonight, you just want to remind him of what he's missing, of what he'll continue to miss and never have with stella. 

You get up until your in front of him in his chair, leaning forward until your hands grip either side of the armrests, bringing your face close to his. 

"I bet she's so plain huh, your stella. I got a good look at her. Seems like the type to scrunch her nose at giving head, clutch her pearls at the thought of all the depraved shit you're into. But not me, right? No, you showed me all the wonderful things you're into, and made me love it. Tell me-" 

You walk your fingers up his clothed knee. "-Does she love your body with hers the way i did?"

He knows he should be a strong man and push you off. He should tell you to get your shit and leave, to never come back into his life because all you've done for the past year has hurt him and his heart can’t take it anymore.

That is what he’d do, if he were a strong man. But the first thing Eddie Munson will tell you about himself is that he is one weak willed motherfucker, especially when it comes to the pretty girl standing in front of him.

Which is why he doesn’t push you off, only steels his jaw and turns his head so he isn’t looking directly at you, because maybe if he can act like he was fighting it at first then he won’t feel so guilty later.

“I think you know the answer to that” His voice is strained, like he’s using all of his strength just to stay still in this chair, “She doesn’t — she doesn’t like that type of stuff. And i’m not — I wouldn’t force her into it. She's …she's not like you were. Unfortunately.” aaaand, there he goes, being weak again.

You reach up and turn his jaw so he's looking at you. You don't kiss him, but it's a near thing. Fuck, You want to. You sit on his lap instead. Better. 

"My poor baby." You coo with real sympathy. Okay, it's a little mean, because you're still jealous as hell he'd been with stella in ANY way. Kinky or not. "You must be itching to restrain someone to your bed and eat them out till' they cry. Know that always made you cum the hardest. When i couldn't move away from your mouth or your cock." 

You stroke a hand down his chest and smile when you feel him harden under you, no doubt thinking about all the times he'd had you naked and cuffed to his bed post. 

"I thought about that alot. Those city boys don't know how to fuck like you, you know? Never felt as good as it did with you."

His eyes flick down to your tits and he groans, deep from his throat — why did you insist on testing him like this?

Your mean tone has him looking at you with an unamused glare, halfway torn between angry and horny.

Still, though, his hands settle on your hips, his cock rapidly hardening as he thinks back on all the times he’d tied you up, made you take anything he gave you until you begged for a break. He remembers how pretty you looked with tears running down your face.

God, he’s so supremely fucked.

“Yeah?” His voice is shaky, fingers rubbing smooth circles into your hips, itching to grip onto the skin tyoure like he used to, “Bet they’re all vanilla as fuck, huh? Can’t make you cum like you need.”

You shiver when his fingers start to rub against your hips, your shirt riding up enough he's touching bare skin. 

You try to keep your voice steady and cool. "Was so bored I nearly fell asleep everytime." You realize how equally dangerous this situation is for you, underestimating your ability to handle him touching you again. How long before his good conscience came rushing back to him and he tried in vain to refuse this again? You needed to take all you could for the moment. 

"Only you can make me cum that hard, baby. Needed to come back for you so I could have it again. Don't you need it too? Need me?" 

You knew he did. Felt it in the way he gripped you so hard you'd have marks there tomorrow from his rings. Just how you liked it. 

"This doesn't have to be messy."

His hands keep trailing up and down your legs, getting a little closer inside each time. He’s teasing you, the cool metal of his rings probably stinging against your skin. But he knows You like it.

He’s tired of being nice, tired of being good — he could never be mean to you, no, but he could have his fair share of fun torturing you like you seemed to do with him. Again, no one brought out this side of him like you did. And he intends to make the most of it before his better mind came back.

He lets his face fall to bury in your neck, inhaling your scent in one deep breath. Fuck, how had he gone so long without it? 

“But you know how much I like it messy.” His voice is almost a growl, tongue coming out from between his lips to lick a stripe up your neck to your earlobe, catching it between his teeth for a moment.

"Eddie..." 

You couldn't help but grind down against him, eyes nearly rolling into your skull at how the zipper in his jeans caught against your clit through your pants. His mouth on your neck- 

"Jesus, you know what that does to me- you- ah! Not playing fair." 

You knew that was a stupid thing to say, like your whole reapperance in hawkins wasn't playing fair. But really, he knew what his tongue on your throat did to you. And when he took your lobe in his mouth and tugged you let out a whimper, sinking into his lap. You knew. You knew how messy he liked it, and you dug your nails into his shoulders as you rocked on his lap. 

"Get messy with me then, eds. Fuck me right here, I'll make you forget all about that dumb girlfriend of yours."

He can’t help but smirk against your skin, knowing that licking you always worked like a charm. It was one of the things he loved most about you, how sensitive you were.

“Yeah? Gonna let me make a mess of you right here, angel? How fucking dirty.”

He says it condescendingly, voice honey-sweet, hips thrusting up to grind against your cunt through your pretty panties. His hand slips down to rub at your clit,  the other gripping your hair to bare your neck for him.

“You want my cock so bad? Get it yourself, princess. I’m havin’ fun here.” He snarls it against your neck, biting down right into the skin of your stick and poke.

You bite your lip as he taunts you, melting into him. God, You wanted him. You wanted him to fuck your right here on his bed, the bed he'd probably taken stella to, since you'd been gone. You wanted to erase any trace of that bitch from eddies person. 

You felt the toxic possessiveness and jealousy overcome you, overriding your sentimental heart and the need to just be with eddie in the moment. You felt vengeful even though you didn't have a right to be, the thought that eddie had tried to forget you, had kissed and touched someone else was driving you insane. 

Pushing off his lap, you sunk to your knees, quickly unbuckling his belt and yanking it from its loops, tugging him out and giving that fat fucking cock you'd missed one long stroke. You stared up at him as you let your tongue flick over his weeping slit. 

"This is mine." You kiss his pink tipped head, knowing that'd make him lost in the sensation. When he was distracted, You moved your other hand until you found your camera. You gripped the chunky item and sneakily snapped a picture of you ,unmistakable, with eddies cock splitting your lips. 

He was too lost in your mouth to notice you putting the camera away, slipping the polaroid under the sheets in his mattress. Stella was the insecure type. She'd search his room at every opportunity for evidence of him with someone else. And she'd have a nice surprise when she came over later.

You moaned lewdly around eddies cock, drooling over it as you pulled off, spit connecting from your lips to his cockhead. 

"Want you to cum down my throat so bad. You'll give me that, yeah? For old times sake."

He swears the entire world melts around him the second you've got your hand on his cock. He’d missed it so much, missed your slender fingers pumping him until he spilled all over your face. Or your tits. Or your cunt — wherever he felt like that day, really.

His head rolls back in a groan when you kiss his head — that’d always been a sensitive area for him, one that sent shivers down his spine. You were evil to use it, but fuck did it feel good.

“God, you look so pretty with a cock shutting you up — my cock, jesus—“ Hes moaning, hips thrusting shallowly into your mouth. He’d throat trained you for a reason.

“You gonna make me?” He says it like a challenge, the grip on your hair tight. “Make me think you deserve it.”

your cunt throbbed at his words. Eddie always had a filthy mouth, and it never failed to make you leak down your thighs. Him being rarely mean with his words was a treat too. You wondered what his reaction would be when he found out you'd just ruined his relationship. your masochistic pussy just got wetter at the thought. 

"You know i can make you do anything." You preened, licking the underside of his cock like hard candy, sucking your lips lovingly down the veins on his shaft. One of your hands came up to card your fingers through the hair at his pelvis. "C'mon, eddie. Give me what i want, shoot that load you've been savin' up just for me down my throat and make me choke on it." 

You also knew your filthy mouth got him as wound up as his did to you. You sealed your lips around him and eagerly sunk your mouth all the way down, until your nose was touching his bush.

As much as he hates it, your words go straight to his cock — he always liked that you had a bit of bite to you, that you never backed down when he was mean — because you knew he never meant it.

The second you take him all the way in he’s letting out a choked off moan, his eyes nearly rolling back. One big hand comes down to tangle in your hair, pressing against the back of your head to keep you there.

“Breathe, angel, yeah, through your nose like I taught you — fuck, don’t even know how much I m-missed this,” Hes rambling, the sensation of you swallowing around his cock making his brain melt.

“Think of this all the time — think of this perfect fuckin’ mouth, just made to be filled with my cock. Shit.” He cursed at the fact that he was already getting close, the tension from the night building up.

your eyes teared up as your throat spasmed around his fat cock stuffing your throat. His words made your toes curl in your boots and you started to breathe through your nose like he taught you. 

your gag reflex protested but you fought through it, cheeks now stained with your tears, eyes watery and wet and eyeliner dripping all over as you peered up at him. 

You used your other free hand to tug on his heavy balls, gurgling around the girth in your flexing throat as you massaged the soft flesh in your palm lovingly. 

You needed his cum, would not move from this spot until you got it. Your tender throat screamed for release but that just made you widen your jaw even harder, more determined to take his hot cum straight down the closer you got to truly choking. Spit was spilling from your split lips around him, and you felt his sack tighten in your hand as his orgasm came over him. 

You could have tap danced with happiness.

The sight of you peering up at him through wet, makeup drenched lashes is what sends him over the edge, hissing as he feels his balls tighten up.

His load is thick, bigger than usual — he was ashamed to admit that Stella never made him cum hard, not the way you could. Wouldn’t tell you that the reason they didn’t have sex much was because he wasn’t into her and was always thinking of you.

He grins when it spills a bit around your lips, his grip on your hair loosening even as he’s still babbling, “Shit, fuck — so fucking good, god. Fucking perfect, needed you so bad, missed you so bad. God.”

You swallow around him easily, like you were born to do it, pulling back to place a kiss on his softening head. You lick your lips of the remnants of him and smile up at him from your place on your knees. 

"You needed that bad, didn't you baby?" You can see your time running out. As his labored breathing steadies, the lust in his eyes turning wide with guilt already. 

You run your palms up his slack legs, your smile sad now, for a lot of reasons. Eddie thought he had a relationship to go back to after this, but he'd soon realize he didn't. Working through his reaction to that particular betrayal would be another hurtle you had to jump over, but it was necessary. He'd see it all soon, when they were together again. He always loved how insane you were. 

"Feeling like a shitty boyfriend at the moment, i take it?"

As he comes down from his high, chest heaving and the adrenaline leaving his body, he feels a massive pit in his stomach when he looks down at the girl between his legs.

He can’t push you away — feels like it would be ungentlemanly to tell you to get off and out of his life after you’d just sucked the soul out of him. But he couldn’t keep doing this; he knew it.

“Sweetheart, I…” He sighs, running a hand through now slick with sweat bangs, “We never should’ve done that. I — I shouldn’t have done that. Shouldn’t have let you.”

“I’m — i’m sorry,” He has no fucking clue why he’s apologizing, just knows it’s forcing it’s way out of him, “But I can’t keep doing …this with you. It’s not fair to her. I think.. you shouldn't come back here for awhile. Not until i think things through."

You just smile serenely and nod. There wouldn't be time. You were working on your schedule, not his. 

He'd find out soon.

Steve had otherwise forgotten about your…less than happy reaction to Eddie’s newfound romance, which is why the sound of someone pounding at his door has him jumping in his seat and furrowing his brows.

He swears he’s gonna cuss the kids out if they came to bother him on the one day he told them not to—oh. It isn’t them.

He’s greeted with the sight of a smiling you, already making your way inside, a bag of McDonald’s in your hand as you do.

“Um — hello? Can I ask why you’re infiltrating my house, now?” He pretends to be bothered, but the lilt in his tone betrays him.

You sigh dramatically, breezing by him and dropping your McDonald's on his kitchen counter. The thing about having rich parents was that they were rarely home. 

"You can ask but I won't answer. Listen- woah. When did you learn how to dress?" You lower your blue tinted sunglasses to get a good look at him. "I mean, you are looking really, really good right now. Are you sure you're single? Still looking?" 

You grin and pop a fry into your mouth, offering him one as you lounge on his plush couch and kick your feet. 

"Stevie, I've done something bad, i fear. I need to clear my conscience so I can go back to being hot and uncaring."

He squints at you, perching himself on the arm of the couch as he does. You’d always come in here like you owned the place, and it’s not like his parents were ever home to care, so it became kind of routine.

He gives you a look as he grabs the fry from you, chewing it slowly. He’s looking at you like you're suspicious, which you are, and he raises a brow.

“What did you do now? Did you slit someone’s tires again? You know I can’t bail you out of that twice, right?”

He probably could, but you didn’t have to know that.

"That was one time, Steve, and they deserved it. Fuck Debra to this day." 

You jab a fry at him before eating it. You wiggle your toes in your flats as you sigh, getting serious. You did feel slightly bad, not for stella, fuck her, but for the pain your actions were about to cause eddie. 

"I went to see eddie. Met his new girlfriend. Stella, really? You let that happen? Anyway, he asked me to come pick up my stuff and yada yada i gave him head. The BAD part is that i may have, unbeknownst to him, taken a picture of said act and left it for dear old stella to find." 

When you say it out loud it sounds really bad. You know it does. Ugh. "But it's all for the greater good! Eddie doesn't even like stella. You get it right? I mean you see why i had to?"

He holds his hands up, shaking his head.

“Fuck did you want me to do? He seemed real fuckin’ determined to get over you, so I just let him do whatever the fuck he wanted! You made it sound like you were never coming back!”

He’s content to sit there and listen, fry halfway to his mouth when you drop the bomb on him and he coughs on it, looking at you like you’ve gone insane.

“Jesus christ, you really are a psycho —“ He doesn’t want to unpack why he thinks that’s kind of (very) hot, instead sighing.

“So like, what’s the game plan now? You know he’s gonna be, like, mega pissed, right?”

"Well you shouldn't have let him! Of course i was coming back. I just needed a breather from this wacko town, full offense." 

You huff and pout at his admonishment knowing he's right but always hating being scolded. He called you a brat. You called it 'dont call me out and we'll all be fine'. 

"I know he'll be mad. I just really needed to get him and stella apart, the rest will just....happen, you know. Like fate." 

You peer up at him with your puppy dog eyes, knowing their effect on him. He used to have a thing for you, You wonder if he still does. And if you can use it. 

"Don't look at me like that, stevie. He's mine. I don't share or play fair, you know that. You've become so moral all the sudden, s'kinda hot. A little annoying, but hot."

“God, you’re such a brat, you know that? Couldn’t even let the fucker figure it out for himself?” He shakes his head, narrowing his eyes when he sees your puppy dog eyes, so round and big and — shit.

He knew how Eddie felt, he really did — Steve had always had kind of a thing for you, was really confused and pretty annoyed when you got with Eddie, but he pushed it away because you both were happy.

But he remembers the summer when you left, him and Eddie both heartbroken. They’d bonded over it and one thing led to another and — it doesn’t matter now, they never talked about it again, but for a good month or so, they used each other to forget. But it was always focused on thinking of you.

“You’re so lucky I like you, yanno that?” He groans, grabbing another fry. “You play dirty.”

Him calling you a brat made you shiver a little. Maybe you always liked it when Steve lectured you, he did get all hot when he was stern, anyway. Before eddie, you'd spent more than a few nights with your hand between your legs, thinking about him. Not that you'd ever tell him that. 

"And you're lucky not to be on my bad side, harrington." You prop your feet up on the table in front of his couch, your long legs extending. "The things I'd do to you if you ever crossed me would make you shake in your loafers."

You trusted him though. He'd always been a constant in your life, even at your worst. You appreciate him even though you were terrible at showing it. 

"Why do you like me, anyway? As far as besties go, robin has me beat i think."

He rolls his eyes, faking a shiver, “Oh, i’m sooo scared, the little girl’s gonna hurt me, oh nooooo.”

He can’t help but chuckle at the glare you send his way, though your question has him shrugging while he pops a nugget in his mouth.

“Eh, you and Robin are different — she's more of like, a bro, you know? We talk about girls and everything under the sun. You’re…”

He pauses, trying to figure out where he’s going with this before he keeps talking, trying not to stammer.

“We’ve been friends forever — no matter how much I want you dead sometimes, you’re always there for me. And — I mean, okay, you’re pretty easy on the eyes, can you blame me?”

You don't know why hearing that makes you so happy. Okay, yes you do. You were a possessive person and you liked knowing you had a special place in his heart just for you. It made you all fuzzy inside. 

"Is this you admitting you have a crush on me, stevie?" You lean up so you're crowding in his space, grinning at him with your candy apple lipgloss shining. You like teasing him. The king of hawkins high could never handle you being this close to him. 

He always pulled back. Blushed and rolled his eyes or said something snarky when you went too far and you two settled back into their routine. Even when you'd been dating eddie and were fully committed and faithful you couldn't resist pushing his buttons sometimes. He just made it so easy. 

"If i wasn't so focused on eddie, I'd probably kiss you. But I don't want your pretty head on a stake, he doesn't show it outwardly, but he's the jealous type too." 

You say this unaware of the current relationship between the two men. After all, the last time you'd been in hawkins they barely tolerated each other. Eddie hated how preppy your friend was and Steve hated that you were taken by the town outcast.

Steve rolls his eyes, the trademark blush spreading across his cheeks as he looks to you, but this time, he decides maybe he won’t push you off.

“And what if I said I did, hm? What then,?” He doesn’t know what had come over him, but you didn’t know how much he’d changed over the past year and a half. And he intends to let you find out.

He leans forward, eyebrow raised, the tone he speaks in almost a challenge, “Why don’t you then, hm? Can’t pretend you don’t want it.”

At the mention of Eddie he just scoffs, unable to stop the smirk that curves his lips, entirely reminiscent of the old him. The cocky one, “Wanna know a secret? I don’t think he’d care at all — in fact, I think he’d like it.”

You blink, instinctively pulling back when he pushes forward. Your eyes go doe eyed when he actually rises to your challenge. Huh, so maybe there was something to his game after all. Who'd have thought. 

"I will. You're cocky now because i'm not but the second i do, you'll be lecturing me again. Don't dare me." 

your eyebrows pull together at his last comment, pausing where you'd been in the process of leaning back in. He was definitely implying something with that, especially with that look on his face. Like he knew something you didn't. 

"What does that mean? I mean, i know eddies bisexual but he like, detested you in high-school. Would definitely wring your neck if he knew about that super mega ultra crush you had on me."

He nearly folds at the sight of your doe eyes, knowing he’s caught you off guard — the old Steve might have been cocky, but he wouldn’t mess with someone’s girl.

But now he knew that someone was actually quite enthusiastic about the proposition.

Steve only laughs, shrugging his shoulders as he leans back against the arm of the couch, “What makes you think he doesn’t already know? That we haven’t…worked out our differences? Hm?” 

He's being vague on purpose, waiting for you to take the bait and wanting to keep you on the hook. It was almost addicting to do, see the way your face changed and got so adorably confused.

"Worked out your...." 

Your eyes go saucer wide, realization dawning. You feel many things at once. Shock. Jealousy. Anger. Possessiveness. Mostly You're just intrigued. 

"You and eddie? Together? When? How?" You leaned forward even more eagerly, gripping onto the lapels of his jean jacket so he couldn't pull away even if he wanted to. "Tell me everything right now harrington or i swear to god, ill- ill do something crazy. You know i will." 

You wanted every single detail too. Felt yourself get warm between the legs at the mere thought of your soulmate and your best friend...being intimate like that.

He laughs again when you grip onto his lapels, shaking his head and gripping your hands, lightly taking them off to place on your lap. 

“Be a good girl for once and keep them there and maybe i’ll tell you everything, hm? Thank you.”

He rolls his eyes dramatically, sitting back against the couch and tapping his fingers against the arm, “What do you want me to tell you? We both missed you and got high, one thing led to another and — well, his rings feel really good when he’s jerking me off. What’s so wrong about that?”

Alright, when did steve get good at seduction? You weren't stupid. He'd been popular for a reason, You just. You'd never had it turned on you like this. It was making you feel funny. 

You frowned as you realized you were actually doing as he instructed, keeping your hands on your lap as you looked at him eagerly. 

Your lips parted as the image he painted went through your head. Both of the most important men in your life, high and missing you, turning to each other. Eddies hands on Steve's.... 

"Eddie's seen your cock?" You didn't know who you were jealous of. Eddie for touching Steve, or Steve for being touched by eddie. You squirmed in place glancing at his crotch. "No fair. Of course there's something wrong about it. I wasn't there! I can't believe you-" you blurted then paused. "You missed me? Really? Enough to....do that?" 

Did they do more? Did they jerk off to pictures of you? Did they blow each other thinking about your mouth? You were going insane here. "Steve, i hate you. Im gonna kill you. Boyfriend stealer. Hussy. Let me see your dick now, its only fair."

Steve can’t stop the grin eating at his lips even as he tries to stay serious, the sight of you actually being good sending him on a power trip. It’s slightly worrying.

“Yeah, he’s seen it — done a lot with it, actually, but I feel like he should tell you that.” Steve smirks at you from his place on the couch, trying not to think about the fact that his cock is absolutely hardening through his jeans.

“Yeah. Let him fuck my mouth whenever he missed yours, let him talk about how much he loved you — honestly, super unhealthy, but it was really hot,” He’s not even rambling, specifically picking certain instances to tell you, ones he knew would rule your up.

“I’m a boyfriend stealer?! You’re the one who left! I missed you too, you know,” He scoffs, rolling his eyes.

Then he’s intrigued again, smirking as he spreads his legs and gestures to his crotch, “Take it out, then, princess. Work for it.”

The thought of eddie using steve's mouth when he missed yours is almost too much. Like a wire snaps in your brain and you're wrenching forward to unbuckle steves belt, snapping open his buttons and jerking your hand through the opening slit in his boxers, not bothering to pull him fully out, closing your eyes and letting the feel of his full and heavy cock fill your hand. 

Eddie had felt this weight, had stroked and licked and jerked this cock off. You felt a little mad, glaring at steve because fuck him for one upping you and pulling the rug out from under you like that with that reveal. 

"Oh, you missed me, huh." You gripped the hard length in your hand tight, almost punishingly. "It was about me, huh? Sure you didn't just like how pretty my boyfriend looked, stevie? Kinda starting to wonder why i even bothered to come back." 

You stroked up once and paused, squeezing again. "Do you even really like me or are you just a slut for any pretty face with big big eyes? Be honest."

He’ll admit he doesn’t expect you to just — go for it and pull his cock out, a long groan falling past his lips while his hips buck up to meet your touch.

Fuck. You really didn’t hold back; he breathes deeply, through his nose in a way that makes him calm, while he tries not to bust in your hand immediately.

This is what he and Eddie had talked about for countless nights, and Steve thought he’d never get to actually feel it, and now it was actually happening — fuck.

“Yes, it was about you, you fucking — god, you brat,” He groans, a hand combing through his hair as he thrusts his hips tentatively, “M’not a — fuck, not a slut. S’not my fault he’s stupidly fucking pretty. And horny.”

"M'not a brat. And you are a slut. Both of you are- I'll take care of eddie later but you-" 

You stroke your hand back down to his thick base, feeling the veins in his cock literally pulse in your hand. Eddie was thick and fat, but Steve was long and girthy. You felt your hand settle against the mess of hair at his pelvis as you gripped him, barely fitting your hand around him. 

"-Need to deal with you being naughty first. Didn't know you had it in you to be such a harlot, harrington. Letting my eddie use your mouth like it was my pussy. Did you talk about that, too? Did eddie tell you about how tight and wet i am?" 

Steve was so pretty really. In a soft kind of way, the baby fat around his face had never really gone away and it made his expression soft and sweet as he blushed. His styled hair was a mess from his hand running through it, and you shoved your free hand up his shirt to drag it up his stomach, salivating at his bare skin, his hairy chest. 

"Such slutty boys. What am i gonna do with you, huh? Am i supposed to let you cum after you went behind my back like that? Tell me what im supposed to do. Hm?"

Steve groans again, this time at how pretty your manicured fingers look barely being able to wrap around his dick. He wishes your words didn’t go straight to his twitching cock.

He let’s out a choked moan, pre-cum beading on his tip now, “I’m — fuck, we didn’t go behind your back! We just — we both missed you so much, and I wanted to know what you felt like, even if it was — shit, through him.”

He groans again, eyes focused down on you. He feels dizzy, and he thinks back to when Eddie would tell him you were insane in bed — in a hot way. He sees it now.

“I — I think you should let me cum. I’ve — fuck, i’ve been wishing for it for so long, only feels — hah — fair.”

"Hmm." 

You pretend to contemplate his pleas as you lazily work his cock. your other hand idly runs through the hair on his chest, flicking over one of his dusty nipples just to feel him jerk in your fist. "I can feel you leaking all over my hand, you know? Messy and slutty. Are you sure you haven't cum already? No? Well I've gotten kind of bored so....." 

You release his dick with a smile, even though inside you mourn the loss of him in your hand. You want him. Bad. In your mouth. In your cunt. But you're still pissed. You won't admit it's mostly at yourself, though. You wanted to be there, between them. Instead you'd been states away. 

You lean back against his couch, bringing one of your legs up and pressing your foot into his chest. "Stay there." 

You slide a hand down your skirt, scrunching it up until your lace blue panties are in view. 

"You don't mind, do you? You can't put those kinds of thoughts in my head. I have to make myself cum now, all over your couch. You can watch, but don't touch. Slutty boys don't get to touch me."

He doesn’t know why he’s not just using his strength to take what he wants — he knows he could, could easily overpower you and you’d probably like it.

But this is — fun, oddly, something he didn’t realize he’d like. With all the other girls he’d been with he had to play the overly dominant, masculine role, which he didn’t mind, all things considered.

But with you it’s different, something about letting you think you have control getting him hot under the collar. You know him, his tendencies, his true self. It makes him more comfortable.

He swears he’s salivating when he sees your panties, swallowing thickly.

“You’re — fuck, baby, you’re kidding, right? Let me — fuck, let me touch myself too, please? Need it real bad.”

You tugs the lace to the side, running your finger up your wet slit until you circle your tight little bud. 

Your foot presses harder into Steve's chest. He's solid muscle there and it annoys the fuck out of you. He's so buff he could literally toss your thighs apart like a ragdoll and shove his cock between your legs before you could even blink. But he won't.

"I don't know....my feelings are hurt, stevie. My two favorite men in the world, having each other while I had no one. S'kinda mean, don't you think? How would you make it up to me?" 

You pant as you sink a finger into your hole, your walls milking around your digit eagerly. He looks so hot, panting over there like a dog in heat at the sight of you playing with your pussy. You feel slick drip down your thighs, definitely gonna leave a wet spot on his couch, you think.

"Touch yourself. Stroke that big cock and tell me how you'd make it up to her-" You plunge your finger deeper, the sticky squelch filling the room. "-My cunt. Tell me how you'd make her forgive you."

He lets out a huff, settling back against the couch and wondering why in the hell he’s letting you do this.

“How would I — you w-werent even here! You chose to leave, we were just —“ He lets out a deep breath, “Honoring your memory. Yknow?”

His cock is hot and hard when he finally grabs it, mouth agape while he watches you fuck yourself. He wishes it was him.

“Wanna—“ He’s trying not to stammer, even though suddenly his mouth feels much drier than normal. His tongue darts out to wet his lips, soft moans slipping past his lips as he strokes his cock, “Wanna rub the head over your pretty clit, wanna fuck you so deep you cry, wanna — shit — wanna paint your insides white, cum on you and smear it i-in.”

You shake your head, refusing to talk more about it. It would only end up making you actually upset. And you couldn't admit to Steve you were only so angry because you missed them both so much and felt so guilty for leaving it hurt that they had each other without you. Even if it was also kinda hot. 

"Whatever. Shut up and jerk off." 

Your cunt clenches around your fingers at his stream of dirty talk, your eyes hazy as you watch his hand move over his cock. Lips parted and clit throbbing as you humped down onto your hand, whining loudly, unable to help yourself. 

"Of course you wanna make me cry. Always bullyin you', bet you wanna- wanna take it out on my cunt. I-i'd let you, maybe. You're so easy to push around i don't know if you can- can take what you want." 

God, this is getting you so hot. You're soaking your hand, struggling to keep your eyes open so You can see when steve paints his chest with cum. You feel your hole clench and gasp as you cum, shaking through it, pussy convulsing around your thrusting fingers, slippery with the rush of slick. 

"Oh god- S-steve, fuck. Feels so good. Wanna see you cum. Do it, do it now."

Didnt have to tell him twice. He’s groaning as he fucks into his hand, bringing it up to spit into the palm before he’s fucking his cock into his fist again, the sounds wet and lewd.

“Y-yeah? Shouldn’t test me, you know — just ‘cause I like bein’ pushed around sometimes doesn’t mean I won’t — fuck, doesn’t mean I won’t tear that little cunt apart.”

Hes embarrassed by how quickly he’s going to cum, but you're so fucking hot and getting him so hot that he can’t help it. He reaches another hand down to fondle his balls and that’s what pushes him over the edge.

The loud groan that comes from his throat is choked, eyes trained on your pretty cunt and how you look so hot when you cum. He gets an idea suddenly and points his cock down and, instead of at his chest,  his cum sprays against your pussy. He moans at how each spurt coats your folds white.

“F-fuck, knew You’d look so pretty covered in cum. God.”

You giggle dazedly as you smear the sticky white fluid into your cunt. The rush overtaking you, as you sag against his cushions. You blink up at the ceiling, biting your lip suddenly.

What does this mean for you and eddie?

He’s angry. No, he’s so beyond fucking angry — what the fuck was your deal?

Eddie swore to god he’d had his entire room torn apart by the time he woke up, an angry Stella screaming at him while she'd stood in one of his shirts.

Itd taken him a second to actually wake up to see what she was yelling about, and by the time he’d woken up enough to figure it out she was already gone, telling him to go fuck himself and that they were over.

He grimaced, eyes flicking to the object of all this anger and tilting his head when it finally came into view, eyes narrowing.

That sneaky little minx.

He quickly got up and grabbed a few things from his room, stuffing them in his bag and shaking his head as he stormed to his van, slamming every door that was in his way.

It's like he gets there in a flash, peeling into your driveway and using the old key he’d locked away to get into your house. Your parents weren’t home, they never were, which makes it easy for him to stomp up to your room, boots heavy and loud on your stairs.

He slams your door open, eyes narrowing as he shoves the picture you’d hidden in your face, his chest heaving with all of his anger, “Are you fucking insane? What the fuck is this? Quickly.”

You'd been in your room laying on your stomach on your bed, kicking your feet as you flipped through a magazine. The slam of your house door and the subsequent thundering footsteps had you rising to your knees in surprise, eyes wide when your door flung open to reveal eddie. 

You thought you'd seen him angry before. You'd been wrong. You actually felt fear for a split second as he stormed to you, before he was thrusting the picture in your face and you realized why he was here. You relaxed a little. 

"Oh, that." You pretended to look at it like you didn't already know what was exactly on it, getting up and walking to your large vanity to check your hair. You were actually nervous, but you were attempting to hide it with sarcasm. "You were there, eddie, i think you know what it is." 

You turned to face him with your hip rested against your vanity, tube of watermelon lip gloss in hand. "Or is it the concept of a blowjob you're confused about?" You calmly applied a layer of gloss against your lips, capping the tube with a loud 'snick' in the deadly silence of the room. 

"Funny considering you'd been getting quite a few of those from Steve, i hear. What's one more from me?"

Eddie blinks, chest still heaving as he considers you. You were trying to get under his skin, clearly, and if he was stronger, he wouldn’t let it affect him.

It's been established that Eddie Munson is not a strong man, though, and his cheeks flare as a renewed sense of irritation flows through him. Harrington told you; of fucking course.

“Whatever I do with Steve — or anyone, quite frankly, is none of your fucking business, sweetheart, because as I understand it, you. left. me.” He punctuates his words with steps towards you, relishing in the fact that you're caged against your vanity now.

He peers down at you, making it so you have to crane your neck to see him. He feels powerful. It’s almost addicting.

“What’s your game plan now, huh? Stella's gone, wants nothing to do with me. So what’s your big plan? Or did you not fucking think beyond fucking me over?”

Your mouth twists, not liking him bringing up the fact that he doesn't belong to you. He would soon. 

"Wrong. Everything you do is my business. Always has been, always will be." 

You falter just slightly as he corners you, your back digging into your vanity. You feel trapped in a way you're not used to feeling. And you can sense how unhinged he's feeling now. 

"My game plan....Stella was just collateral damage, eddie. My game plan has always been to come back to you. I was never gonna be gone forever." 

You soften your voice and your eyes, leaning up to wrap your arms around your neck. "We can be together now. Just like old times, yeah?" 

You hadn't planned on having this confrontation now. You would have planned better if you knew. Most importantly, you'd have made sure the cum soaked, ruined panties you'd left with at steves weren't hanging on the chair of your vanity. It wasn't like you even planned to do that with steve. It was just the heat of the moment. But for some reason you hadn't wanted to wash them immediately, so you left them there as a dirty reminder for awhile. 

You register the moment eddie sees them and feel all your confidence slip away. Oh no.

He’s seething, he swears he is. Every breath he takes is labored, like he’s holding himself back from doing something — what, he doesn’t know.

But it’s evident it’s not going away anytime soon when his eyes flick to the chair next to them and he sees cum ruined panties —male, cum ruined panties, not something you could do on your own. And he has an inkling of whose cum it could be.

He grips your arms and unhooks them from his neck, sets them at your side and gives you a scathing look, like he dares you to try again. You don't.

He reaches out to hook the wet piece of fabric around his finger, bringing it over to hold in front of your face and raises his eyebrows.

“Fuck is this, then, hm?” His tone is clipped, short, reminiscent of the calm before an intense storm, “I do encourage you to be honest with me, so let me rephrase — whose cum is this? If everything i do is your business, everything you do is mine.”

It's strange to feel powerless. You'd felt in control every step of the way since your return to hawkins. In control in eddies trailer, in control at steves house. But now, with your own actions being thrown in your face with no way to back out you balk. 

Hello consequences, nice to meet you. You're faced with the very real possibility that depending on how you respond, you could lose not only eddie. But Steve as well. 

"Steve's." Your voice is honest and soft. Because he's right. It is his business. That's how they worked. "He told me what happened between you two after i left and- one thing led to another-" 

your bottom lip trembles a little, but you won't cry. You can be a big girl and face the music. The very scary, hot music. 

"I got turned on. And jealous. And sad. I don't know how it happened, I just wanted him to tell me everything. And then he started talking about how you used eachother to remember me....please dont hate me." 

You really would do anything for his forgiveness. You just hoped You hadn't pushed too far this time.

He nods, letting go of a breath he didn’t even know he’d been holding. He calms down, if only slightly, because at least you're being honest.

He nods along with your words, big hands and long fingers tapping along your hips as he does. It’s not for your pleasure, but more for his amusement.

“Fucking Harrington — whatever, i’ll deal with him later,” And that’ll also probably end in sex, he thinks, because Steve is nothing if not a fucking minx.

“But right now, i’m dealing with you,” He looks down his nose at you, pointing. “What to do with you, hm? You betrayed me, baby, you really did, but I could never hate you. It’s my own fault. But I can torture you. In my own way.”

He pauses, letting you anticipate things for a moment before he’s gripping your hips and tossing you on your bed, fishing in the bag he’d thrown on the floor. Bingo.

He grabs his handcuffs, already starting the process of cuffing you to your headboard, “Tell me if it’s too tight.” He was mad, but he wasn’t trying to hurt you.

"Don't deal with him without m-" You zipped your lips on second thought, thinking you'd dug your grave enough tonight. 

You squeak like a mouse when he picks you up and tosses you onto your bed, bouncing on it as you stare up at him in anticipation and fear and trust all combined. Those stupid cuffs make your thighs clench immediately, cunt remembering what they meant. 

"N-no they're fine." Your voice is meek. Docile. You haven't used it in almost two years because it had only ever been reserved for eddie. Only he saw this side of you, steve had seen a small glimpse, but this was your submitting wholly. 

You tugged on the cuffs to test their strength and found them strong. You were officially at his mercy. You squirmed on the bed and gave him your best doe eyes. 

"What're you going to do to me...." You paused and then added. "....Sir." 

You were genuinely curious and a little worried. Torture could mean anything from making your cum so hard you wished you could stop, or him not letting your cum until you cried. Or even worse. Making your talk about feelings.

He smirks down at you, the show of submissiveness making his cock twitch in his jeans. He may be mad, but he was always able to appreciate how hot you were when you let yourself be a good girl.

“I don’t know yet, angel…” He shrugs, shaking his head as he paces in front of your bed, intending to make you as nervous as possible.

“What do you think, hm? Think you’ve been a good enough girl that you deserve for me to make you feel good?” His tone is condescending, almost mocking, but honey sweet.

“Actually—“ He laughs, clapping his hands together like he’d just figured out what he’s going to do, “I know just the thing.”

He’s descending on the bed then, grinning to himself as he hovers over you, “I’m going to do whatever I want to this little cunt until you’re crying —“ He pats your pussy through your jeans, “And youre going to tell me why you decided to cause so much trouble. If you stop, I stop. Capiche?”

Your eyes nearly roll back into your skull. He was so hot when he got a little mean. Something about him actually meaning it this time was gonna drive you insane. You didn't know how you'd live through this physically without opening a third eye or reaching a higher state of being or something. 

The whimper you let out when he patted your cunt through the fabric of your jeans was obscene. Even as panic laced through your at this other words, fuck. You were hoping he'd skip over the whole admitting to deep feelings part and just fuck your stupid. 

Consequences. Right. 

"O-okay." You peered up at him through your lashes as he leaned over you, his dark hair framing his face making him look like some fallen angel. "I understand, sir." 

You try to start explaining from the start but don't know how. You're sweaty and horny and nervous all at once, twisting helplessly in the cuffs as he looks down at you. 

"I-i just. W-wanted you back. That's the truth, i promise! Just hated this town n wanted a breather. Wanted to find myself....d-didnt mean to hurt you so bad. Missed you so much..."

He nods along with your words, practically ripping your jeans off as he does. He’s desperate, more than you realized.

Suddenly he’s cursing the fact that he always has to wear so much fucking stuff, groaning as he unbuttons his pants and discards them somewhere on your floor. It takes too fucking long if you ask him.

“Duly noted,” He comments, quickly removing his rings and setting them on his desk before he’s pressing two fingers to your mouth, ordering you to “suck”.

Once he’s satisfied he’s putting them both inside you at once, scissoring them in and out and narrowing his eyes when he realizes you're not talking anymore.

His fingers stop, and he lifts his head to meet your eye, “Okay? I didn’t tell you to stop talking — go on or you get less prep, too.”

Your body jerks down the bed as he yanks your jeans down, the cuffs biting into your wrists. The motion sends the chain necklace hidden under your top flying  out against your chest, the glinting promise ring he'd given your years ago flashing. 

You gasp wetly when he coldly sets his rings aside before your lips are wrapping eagerly around his digits, whining when he pulls them out, your legs widening on instinct for him as he plunges them inside you. You're embarrassed at how wet and slick you are, the sting of being stretched so suddenly only making your moan.

Thighs trembling when he stops. You try desperately to collect your thoughts enough to speak, wanting to be good for him so he forgives you. You'd take his cock now anyway, with barely any prep just to feel the burn of him filling you again, but you want to give him what he wants. Even if its hard for you. 

"M-missed you every day i was away. I-I wanted to leave with us still together, wanted t-to become something and then come back for you....but i w-was stubborn and couldn't talk to you like a grown up, couldn't tell you i wanted to get married one day and have babies and be gross- uhhh- so i made you hate me instead, m'sorry." 

You hump your hips down on his hand, trying to make him move, tears already collecting on your lashline because you just want him inside you already. You missed him. Missed his cock. It was yours, he was yours. 

"Please- didn't mean to hurt you. Please, i just love you, love you so much."

He hates how quickly he folds for you — he’s starting to accept the fact that, where you were involved, he would never be a strong man. And maybe that’s okay.

He sighs to himself, already leaning forward so he can pump his fingers in again, pace almost punishing as he adds a third one — he had to get you prepped, he was thick.

“So you were always gonna come back?” His voice is low, almost awestruck — had he really gone through all that to get over you when you never intended to get over him in the first place? 

He gives you a soft smile, then, trying to reassure you that he wasn’t as mad anymore — sure, he’d have to tell you to never be that psychotic again, but he also knows that’s why he loved you so much. It was a give and take.

“God — I love you too, angel, I love you so so much — breathe, okay? S’gonna hurt at first, know those assholes in college probably had small cocks—“ He’s saying it to make himself feel better, even though he’s probably right, slipping his fingers out to lick your juices off before he starts to line his cock up.

You nod eagerly, splaying your thighs so wide for eddie they hurt but you don't care in the slightest. 

"Uh huh. Always gonna come back for you. Can't live without you-" 

His smile makes your eyes wet all over again and You lean up, straining against your cuffs to give him a kiss, knowing you had him. You were probably still in trouble for the Steve thing, but for now, it was about them, and he loved you.

"N-no one was as good as you- no one. Missed your cock. Thought about it stuffin' me every night- love it, love it as much as you eddie, i need it-" 

You hiccup on your words as you feel the blunt head of him at your hole, biting your lip raw as he pushes in. He's so thick. You start shaking immediately, tears slipping because it feels like he's tearing you open but you love it. You missed it. 

"Eddie, please. D-dont torture me anymore, i learned my lesson- love me please."

“God, I love when you’re such a fuckin’ sap, you know that?” 

He signs against you, leaning down so he can press a kiss against your pillow soft lips, bottoming out in one go.

He knew it would hurt but he also knew you’d like it, you always had — he thought you were crazy, and maybe you were, but he never really cared.

He moves his lips against yours as he stays there, itching to move but wanting to make sure you're okay first, “Shh, baby, I love you so much, okay? You got me, m’yours, never gonna leave you—“

He has to take another breath, almost choked, “God, this pussy is so good, fuck — can I move? Please? Needa fuck you, feel like i’ve been missing it forever.”

Your eyes crossed in that way they did when he hit that gooey spot at your center, his cock filling you to the brim. Brain completely shutting off all function as you whined so loudly. 

"Move, move. Fuck me, baby. Fuck me for all the time i made you miss this cunt- please. Need to feel it-" 

You pulled your own knees up, your pink sneakers and socks still on, your toes curling in your rainbow colored socks, golden anklet dangling around your foot as you propped them on either side of his shoulders. 

The position widened your cunt and you moaned like a whore at how wide and exposed you felt. You could only imagine how you looked down there, wet and folds straining around his thick cock splitting your open as wide as you'd go. When he started moving, your feet swaying in the air next to his head, you started babbling even more. 

"G-god. Love you, love you, love you. M'gonna die i love being fucked by you so much, please, please."

He almost forgot how good you looked when you were opening yourself up for him, letting yourself go mind numb and slutty.

He doesn’t have to be told twice, hands traveling from the sides of your head to the notches in your knees, big hands gripping them to spread your fartyour.

He works up to punishing thrusts but he knows it’s what you like, let’s himself pound into you until his pelvis is grinding down into your clit and the sound of his heavy balls slapping against your ass echo throughout the room.

“God, love you so much, love this pretty fucking pussy—“ Hes groaning, babbling, just as fucked dumb as you is at this point.

He grins when he hears the wet squelch of your cunt around him, just encouraging him to give it to you harder, “You hear yourself, baby? You missed me, just as much as I missed you, fuck, could fuck you like this forever—“

You might be embarrassed if you weren't so turned on. 

"Pl- missed you so much- my pussy missed you so much-" 

Your fists clench in your restraints, feeling overwhelmed about the fact that you have to lay there and take it. 

"Make me take my pounding- oh, oh, never gonna leave again, just keep me here forever-" 

Just the thought of it, of eddie keeping your tied up and using your cunt whenever he wanted has you dripping around his cock fucking into you again and again. It's a fantasy but its a hot one, especially after the circumstances. Eddie making sure you could never go anywhere again, chained up and splayed open to take his cock like you were meant to. 

You open your mouth. "S-spit. Spit in my mouth, ah! Please."

His bangs are sticking to his head, sweat slicking his skin and the groan you pull out of him feels like it’s fucking unholy.

The thought is a fantasy, of course, some depraved thing he’d never actually do, but fuck if he didn’t like the thought of you always ready and open for him, just waiting to take his cock whenever he wanted.

His eyes flit down to yours and he nods, immediately pursing his lips and leaning down so he can drip his spit into your mouth, leaning down to lick across your lips.

“S’that  good, baby? How’s my spit taste, huh?”

His words are dirty, accentuated by the filthy sounds of fucking that fill the air.

“Cum on my cock, baby, cmon, show me how much you missed me, okay? Soak my cock, angel, s-shit —“ He needed you to. He didn’t know how much longer he’d last.

"Tastes so good sir, mm" 

your lashes flutter and its like your cunt can't help but follow his orders, clenching around him as you cum. It feels so good, you missed this so bad. The cuffs rattle against the headboard as you tremble and shake your feet crossing behind Eddie's neck. 

"Cum, cum in me, please. Wanna be full of you-" 

You wanted to feel it splash inside you and fill you up, wanted to keep it inside you, filling you up and keeping you warm. Your skin was flushed and your chest was heaving and you lay limp and let your body he used like a fleshlight for him to dump his cum into.

He doesn’t have to be told twice. He folds himself over your when he feels himself about to cum, hips pumping into that little cunt like he’s trying to break it.

He wants his cock to get as deep as possible, wants his cum to go into your womb — the evil part of him thinks that maybe he could baby trap you, but he pushes that down immediately. He’s not that evil.

But he’s ashamed to say the thought is what makes him deliver his last thrust, cum spurting and painting your walls white.

He's panting above you, the hot cum thick and he doesn’t even want to pull out cause he wants to keep it there. But he does, fingers coming down to push it back in, ignoring your hiss of sensitivity.

“Fuck. You looks so fucking pretty all wet and puffy, you’re lucky i’m exhausted or id make you go another round.” 

He drops down next to you on the bed, fingers still stuffed inside you to keep his cum there. He kisses your sweaty forehead as you curl against him. You're obviously too out of it to talk, but he knows you'll have to. Know it'll be messy and painful, but. He thinks you'll both come out okay.

He's not letting you go. Never again.

You knock on Steve's door, tapping your big chunky black boots against his steps, fishnets pulling against your thighs. You snuggled more into eddies flannel around you as you waited. 

You just hoped you could clear the air, perhaps ask your good ol' friend a favor and ask him not to bring up what happened between them to eddie. Sure, he already knew about it. But you didn't want any awkward tension between them, especially since you and eddie were back together. It should be fine right? Steve had fucked loads of girls and had it mean nothing. And they hadn't even fucked, really! So it should be greattttt. 

When he opened the door you smiled tentatively at him. 

"Hey best friend in the whole wide world, you look great today by the way, did you do something with your hair? It looks really nice. Anyway! Can i come in?"

The second he opens the door he’s giving you a once over, no longer feeling it necessary to hide how blatantly he checks you out.

You look hot, and he swears he’s almost choking on air when he sees your fishnets.

His mouth opens, then closes again when he hears your words, brows furrowing as he moves out of the way to let you in.

“What did you do? You never ask to come in, you always just come in — and you’re complimenting me. Why are you complimenting me?”

your eyes come together in a squint as you pout. It's not something you can just come out and say, is it? You need to work up to it. Him checking you out isn't helping matters at all, making your skin flush. 

"Have you no faith in me? Why must I have done something to compliment my friend? Do you only like to be degraded? "

You push past him now and nervously perch on the armrest of his couch. You can't sit on the cushions where they'd touched themselves in front of each other, even though he's probably washed them by now. 

"I, uh. Have an update on the Eddie and me situation, is all."

“Because you’re never nice to me? Because even when we were like, five, you’d come up to me and then call me ugly and steal my snacks? I think I know my best friend by now.”

He squints at you, walking closely behind you and settling on the recliner next to the couch. Those cushions felt too — intimate, now.

It wasn’t like their relationship had changed — had it? He doesn’t even know if he would be ready for that, he didn’t expect any of yesterday to happen and—

Oh. “Oh, uh—“ His throat feels thick, “What is it?”

You kick your feet and hum, thinking the casual route is the best option. Cool as a cucumber. Cum. Steve's cum on your panties. Okay- 

"We're back together. Basically. Uh, i won't get into the details of how that happened. But, yay!" You waggle your fingers in the air but then drop them and frown, glancing at Steve guilty. 

"I guess....I was just hoping. We could keep what happened, you know. Between us?" 

Eddie already knew about it, but you didn't want steve being weird about it. You pushed down the part of yourself that let it happen in the first place, the part of you that gotten lost in the moment. You didn't want any more problems between you and eddie. Any more drama. You'd promised to be good.

He frowns, blinking at you for a few seconds. Was he just supposed to forget everything now?

“Okay, pause—“ He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose before he’s leaning over his knees, elbows on top, “So. You’re back together, yeah, cool, whatever, but—“

He pauses, then. Why was he upset? And why was he jealous? Of Eddie or of you he didn’t know, and he absolutely was not in the right state of mind to accept that it was definitely both. 

“It’s — okay, yeah, whatever. Yeah, fine, forget it. It didn’t even mean anything.”

Hes bluffing, of course he is, but he’s hurt, and one thing Steve Harrington hates is vulnerability.

You frowned. This is what you wanted but his wording didn't sit right with you. It niggled at your brain and even though you knew you should leave it, you couldn't. 

"It might have meant nothing to me, but it definitely meant something to you. I know you've had a thing for me for years, steve." 

You smoothed your hands down your shorts. Honestly, who did he think he was fooling. Just because you DEFINITELY didn't feel the same (You couldn't right? You had eddie again) didn't mean you were oblivious to his pining. 

"Not that that matters, anyway. I know this hurts you, is my point. But thanks for being so cool about it. You're the best steve." 

You smiled at him extra sweetly.

He can't stop his jaw from dropping slightly, eyebrows knitting together in a scowl, both confused and mildly angry.

“Im — excuse me? You do know that you also let me cum all over you, right? Like, that definitely wasn’t just a me thing.“

He's seething. He definitely feels it, fire flowing through his veins. You were compensating, he knew that, but fuck if it didn’t piss him off.

“Yeah,it fucking hurts to be thrown to the side like that, but I think you should also probably evaluate why the fuck you even wanted to in the first place. You’re throwing stones from a glass house.”

You flush angrily and pop up, hating being called out. God, why did everyone wanna make you own up to things?

"I'll throw stones at you! What does that even mean? I got horny, so what? You were talking about eddie, the boy i love. Of course i was gonna be into it." 

You can't think about his cock, or how it felt to have him talk about wanting you. You're not allowed to be that greedy when you just got eddie back. You can't allow Steve to think you liked him at all, or he'd intervene. 

"Look. Just. We both agree to keep it between us? I'm sorry it hurt you but what do you want from me? You know I can't like you back. I'm with eddie. You can't ruin that for me just because you have a crush." 

Maybe if you were mean enough he'd stop having feelings for you and then they could go back to being friends and you and eddie could be in love and everything would be fine.

“You know what? Whatever, deny whatever the fuck you want, it’s not my grave to dig.“

He shakes his head, leaning back in his recliner again and averting his gaze from your. He was tired, and he knew you could tell.

Part of him knew he had little right to be angry — You didn’t like him back, whatever. But it felt like he’d put his heart out there and you’d simply thrown it to the side.

“Sure, whatever. But know that this—“ He gestures between the two of them, “Is not the same now. Don’t come over late at night when you’re bored and want to watch movies, don’t come bug me at the store, don’t offer to help babysit the others with me. I’m done.”

He lets it hang in the air, knowing you won’t go down without a fight but needing to get his peace out.

You felt your heart clench in your chest. He looked so disappointed in you and you didn't know how to fix it. Why couldn't things just go back to how they were? 

You stomped your foot. "Why are you making this such a big deal? It never was before...."

He looked seconds away from tossing you out of his house and you wanted to scream. You didn't wanna think about why you felt so upset by him not wanting anything to do with you anymore. 

"You hook up with loads of girls and it means nothing, just let it be like that. You can't be done with me, you can't just make that choice."

“Those loads of girls aren’t—“

He stops himself. How would he finish that? ‘Aren’t you?’ ‘Aren’t the girl i’ve had a crush on for years?’ ‘Aren’t the girl I jacked off to pictures of with your ex boyfriend?’

“They aren’t my best friend. And I can make that choice, actually. I’m quite literally making it right now.”

He takes a deep breath before standing, already moving to sweep open the door.

“I’ll see you around, yeah? Have fun with Munson for me.”

You're snuggled against Eddie like a little kitten, happy but still feeling guilty about your conversation with Steve earlier. You hadn't told Eddie about any of it. Mostly because he said he wanted to deal with steve, whatever that meant, and your going over there and breaking his heart probably wasn't something he'd be okay with. You wondered what eddie's reaction would be to all the hidden drama between you and the other man. If he knew that you had strung along not only him, but Steve too? You didn't think he'd be happy. 

You were just glad Steve agreed to keep quiet about it. The guilt would go away, surely. So would the feelings.

Steve mulled it over for hours after you'd left, trying to get rid of the guilt that consumed him for screwing Eddie over and the anger that filled him when he thought of what you had said.

That decides it for him, he thinks, and he's grabbing his jacket on the way out of the house with a scowl on his face. Eddie deserved to know -- and Steve thought he should tell him.

And then he's surprised when he's knocking on Munson's trailer only to see you cuddled up on the couch, already asking him to come back to cuddle -- he breathes deeply, trying to keep his features and voice in check.

"Hey, Munson -- lemme come in real quick? It'll only take a sec, just wanna talk."

Eddie's on top of the world, really -- he's got his girlfriend back, his ex had finally stopped throwing shit at his trailer to fuck with him, and he wasn't being hunted by practically half the town anymore. He thinks he's living the life.

Which is why he's all smiles when he opens the door and greets Steve, already moving out of the way to invite him in.

He registers that Steve looks a little off, but doesn't think much of it because, why would Steve be upset? They'd gotten a lot closer since...last summer, enough that Eddie could say that he's one of his best friends. So nothing bad, right?

"Yeah, dude, come in! What's up?" He grins, looking from Steve to you and painfully missing the tension, "Everything alright?"

You're giving steve 'im going to murder you' eyes over eddies shoulder. Already you know this can't be good for you. Steve looks vindictive and you don't know how to stop the words from coming out of his mouth.

You stand up, smiling.

"Oh my god, did you guys have plans? Eddie, you should have told me, silly. I'll just leave you to it! Call me when you're done!" You scurry to grab your bag and sling it over your shoulder.

The way you see it, You can't stop Steve from spilling, but you can definitely run from the fallout. Maybe regroup. Explain to eddie later when Steve wasn't there, your side of things once you thought of a suitable enough lie.

Steve's immediately stepping back and throwing his arm out to stop you from leaving, blocking the door and crossing his arms as he looks from you to level with Eddie.

"Did you know?" His voice is tight, jaw set. He sees Eddie's confused face and he has to stop the laugh that threatens to come out, only shaking his head.

"About her and I? Did she tell you?" The flash of recognition on Eddie's face has his other words fading off, his brows furrowing. No way you'd told him?

Eddie's in shock for the first few seconds, trying to process what the fuck is happening between his best friend and his girlfriend. Should he be concerned?

But then Steve speaks and, yes, it takes Eddie a second, he isn't the brightest guy in the world, but he quickly catches on and nods, laughing softly.

"Oh -- dude, yeah, she told me yesterday when we -- it doesn't matter. Why do you seem so upset about it? I thought you guys were on cool terms now."

Eddie looks from the other boy to you, eyebrows knit together, "Right, babe?"

You feel something in you shrivel and die. Eddie was about to find out how even more of a cunt you were than he thought.

You bit your lip, glancing at Steve and then at Eddie and then at the ground, kicking your shoes against the floor as you shuffled back to the couch and sat on it, looking at neither of them now. How best could you sugarcoat all this?

"Um." You tucks some hair behind your ear. "Depends on your definition of fine? Like do we have a mutual understanding? Uh uh! Right, steve?"

You plead with him with your eyes to leave it at that. He used to always cave for those. Please don't tell my boyfriend im a manipulative cunt and I played with your feelings, he'll skin me alive! You don't want the girl you're secretly in love with skinned alive, right? You hoped that's all conveyed in your gaze.

He contemplates it, he really does. Contemplates caving in to those pretty eyes and lying to save your ass.

And then he remembers what happened between you two, the things you had said after practically admitting you returned his feelings, and that's all he needs to avert his gaze. You couldn't get him with the eyes if he didn't look.

"Yeah, mutual understanding. Mutual understanding that we're not friends anymore because apparently it meant nothing to you and only something to me, and that I should just get over what happened because you're happy with Eddie again and that's all that matters. Right?"

He's looking at Eddie as he says it, eyes trained on the other's.

Eddie, for his part, tries not to let the shock show on his face but he's never been particularly good at hiding his emotions.

His eyes flick from Steve, to you, to Steve, then back to you again. How much had you left out when you'd told him about your and Steve's talk? He thought it went well.

"Oh," Is all he can say, trying to work through the confusion he's feeling.

"Um -- explain, please baby? The truth this time."

Drats. There was no wyoure to run then. You could only really blame yourself, but still. You wanted to pout. But you knew that would only make it worse.

"Eddie, um." your voice is quiet, tinged with regret. "Steve and i....well. We have, sort of. A past i guess? But i love you. I do. You know i do. I just- i told steve i liked him back, when we- when we hooked up. I don't know why."

The thing was you did know why. You'd denied it for years, because you'd had Eddie, and didn't want to be greedy. But you had feelings for steve. But you couldn't say that now, could you?

"I don't know the truth." Yes you did. The truth was you were in love with two men at the same time but didn't want to say it. "I love you eddie. Im sorry. I didn't wanna tell you because i didn't want you to think i was.....hurting more people."

You shrugged. "I told steve i chose you, basically and he took it bad, is all."

Steve only stands there with his arms crossed, looking at Eddie with raised eyebrows as if to ask if he really believed you.

Eddie meets Steve's gaze and sighs, because he really wants to believe his girlfriend and have this all blow over but he knows he can't. The two people who knew you best were standing in this room and they both knew you were lying.

"I said to be honest.," He runs ringed fingers through his hair, giving you a look laced with disappointment while his big brown eyes plead, "Please? You're hiding something."

He didn't think you didn't love him -- he knew you did, he would never not be secure in that, but you were holding something back, and he was determined to get to the bottom of it.

"I'm not mad, just -- please."

You're ashamed to feel tears burn your eyes. You hate crying. Emotional crying anyway. Especially when you spent two hours on this whole smokey eye look, fuck.

"Fuck you. I spent ages on this makeup." You direct your words at Steve, glaring at him like it's his fault for making you have feelings. You look at eddie and soften, seeing he really doesn't look angry with you. "I love you eddie. That's the biggest truth. I just- don't want to hurt you anymore. I've hurt you enough and i can't be greedy anymore, or I'll truly be the worst person alive. But, but."

You look at Steve again with your watery eyes and hope he feels guilty for making you cry. He's so mean. And he called you the mean one. Haha.

"I love Steve too. I think i have f-for awhile." your lip trembles. "M'sorry eddie. M'the worst girlfriend alive."

Oh shit.

Okay, steve didn't expect that -- not at all, actually, and he has to quickly pick up his jaw from the floor because holy shit, You what? You actually liked -- no, loved him back?

He thinks he's stunned into silence and, for once, needs Eddie to pick up and speak for him. Plus, he really does feel bad for making you cry, and he wants to go over and comfort you, but he swears he feels rooted where he stands. What the fuck?

Eddies eyebrows furrow, body immediately moving to where you are sitting to wrap his arms around you. He hates seeing you cry, even more so when he's part of the reason why.

"I love you too, angel, always, why wouldn't I? Nothing you could ever do could stop me from--"

He swears his whole world gets thrown off its axis. You -- loved Steve? And him? He searches in him for the anger he's probably supposed to be feeling, or jealousy, but it comes up...empty.

He knows it would be there had this been anyone else, but he can't deny the feelings he'd harbored for the other man just a few months prior. If you wanted them both, why would he deny you?

"Guess he is kinda pretty, huh?" He's trying to lighten the mood, swiping away a stray tear with his thumb, "You're not awful, angel, could never be -- I don't mind sharing. I think I even kinda like him too." He turns, eyebrows raised, "So, Harrington. Whaddya say?"

You lean into Eddie's touch immediately, wanting to crawl into his lap, so you do. You can't believe you're lucky enough to have someone like him. He should be throwing you out, and banishing you from his trailer but instead he's saying You can have what you want? That he wants it too?

You turn from where you'd buried your head in his neck to peek at steve. "H-he is pretty." You swallow. "When we....i made him touch himself and tell me about the things you guys did. Was mean to him until he got mean back. I-I really liked it eddie."

You turn to look up at him with your big eyes, jutting out your bottom lip.

"For some reason, i can never be a brat towards you. Wanna be your good girl. That's why i didn't tell you. Didn't wanna disappoint you. A-and i was embarrassed because...didn't want you to know how much of a brat i can be."

You squirm as your eyes turn to Steve again. "And i didn't want you to know how much i liked being dominated....was too embarrassing. It's easier to just be a bitch. But i love you, steve. Come here?"

He's a broken down man, truly, because the second you turn to him with those big eyes and pouty lips he's nodding, walking towards his two friends -- lovers, now? -- with a slight roll of his eyes.

"So I had to do all this for you two to finally realize your love for me? We coulda saved so much time, y'know--" But he's smiling, softly and fondly because he's unable to help himself. How'd he get so lucky?

The mention of their time together has him gulping, heat rushing to his face, "She's a real brat, Munson -- how the hell do you calm her down so quick? Swear it's like I look into those eyes and I'm putty." But then he's smirking, an idea coming into his head, "Wanna show me?"

"You know, Harrington, I don't think you've ever had a better idea--" Eddie's grinning, big and goofy and way more cocky than he should be.

But he has a hot boyfriend and a hot girlfriend, so how could anyone blame him? He's literally living the good life.

He turns to you, planting a kiss on your lips before he's speaking gently, "How 'bout it, angel? Wanna show Stevie how to tame the beast?" He says it teasingly, wiggling his eyebrows, but his voice is low enough to show that he means it, "Bet he'd get a kick out of it. Maybe we'll even let him join."

He locks eyes with Steve before leaning forward to kiss him, too, smirking at the bright blush on the boy's face, "See? He likes it."

You felt yourself heat up at their kiss, nodding eagerly at the idea of Eddie showing Steve how he made you melt. You were a little embarrassed at the thought of Steve seeing your turn so slutty, but mostly excited.

When they pull back You're leaning forward to kiss Steve yourself, moaning loudly into his mouth before pulling back and settling into Eddie's chest.

"W-wanna show him how good i can be." You put on your signature pout and stick one of your feet out, again, pushing it against steve's shoulder. "You're not allowed to make fun me, kay? I'll bite your head off."

You think you'd actually like it if he made fun of you, taunted you a little, but you'd die before you willingly admitted you fantasized about being bullied by him. He could figure that one out himself.

"Eddie, please." You were already starting to get desperate, grinding back against him. "T-touch me now. Wanna be touched."

Steve swallows hard, nodding his head and feeling dazed after the two kisses -- is this how he was gonna feel every time? Hazy and feeling drunk off of just one kiss?

He's watching, eagerly trying to eat up everything he can about the way they interact -- so he can learn, of course.

Your begging is like music to eddies ears, ringed hands running up and down your sides to tease you a bit before he's pushing your shirt up, letting your tits bounce free. You didn't wear bras when he was around.

"Aren't they so pretty, Stevie?" His voice is taunting, more towards you than him, but it looks and feels so good to be in control of both of them right now. Addicting, almost.

"She makes the prettiest sounds when you just..." He trails off, fingers tweaking one of your nipples and grinning at the needy whine he receives.

"Wanna see her get really worked up, though?" At Steve's eager nod he quickly unbuttons your shorts and shimmies them off along with your panties, letting them fall to the floor. He brings his hands down to rip along the seam of your fishnets, creating the perfect opening for his fingers to descend upon your clit, moving in slow circles.

You tremble and want to kick your feet, but steve is wrapping a hand around your ankle and squeezing it, his brown eyes fixed where eddie is playing with your little bud. He looks ravenous.

He meets your eyes and smiles, wolfish.

"You have a lot of groveling to do with that little pussy, I think."

"Mm, she does." Eddie agrees from behind you, "to both of us. Better strap in sweetheart."

Welcome fucking back to hawkins.

[a-doubleh-x]

Why I like Chaggie

Hey! My last casual ship review did pretty well, so here I am with another! Needless to say, but thank you all for the interactions, I appreciate it very much 🥰

Last time I talked about Charlastor, a notorious controversial ship and today I'll talk about a surprisingly controversial ship: Chaggie. Why do people dislike this ship? I'll go a bit into it on the second half of this post, but first I'll talk on the positive I see in this cute couple.

First of all, as a guy in his late twenties who's been on at least one relationship, I will say that I appreciate a relation that's mostly based on comfort and support. Some people might think that's boring or not quite the basis of romance, but I think quite the opposite. Johnathan Decker, a licensed couples therapist on youtube (you might know him from Cinema Therapy) often talks about how safety and mutual understanding are the basis of any lasting relationship.

At the start of the Amazon series, Charlie and Vaggie have been together for 3 years, which is evident in many of their day to day interactions. They're comfortable with each other, they rely on each other and best of all, they still coo every now and then over how adorable the other is.

That is not to say the relationship is without conflict, which in my opinion as a writer it's the lifeblood of any good story. Vaggie is clearly quite codependent of Charlie, which is why a large portion of her self worth is based on being useful to her. However, I think the two of them do a decent job of talking through the problems this brings sometimes, such as episode 3.

I think it's cool that the relationship seems to work despite their rocky moments. Charlie most likely thinks a person like Vaggie is a breath of fresh air in Hell, she's selfless, loyal and dedicated. That's probably the reason why she has so much patience with her, a feeling that I'm certain is mutual. Vaggie is clearly very aware of how silly and idealistic Charlie is, in fact she often tries to nudge her to be careful with her attitude. And even though she may not agree with everything, she still always supports her without appearing judgemental, which I think speaks volumes of her character.

Now, let's talk about the shortcomings in the face of the audience. Some people think there's not enough substance in canon to be sold on the couple, which I think is a valid opinion. Some people argue that Chaggie's relationship is boring and not quite as interesting to watch as Charlastor, which I don't entirely agree with. Some people plain dislike or hate Vaggie because they think she's just a naggy chick who is an awful partner to Charlie in every way, which I *definitely* don't agree with.

My opinion falls in a more moderate standpoint. I think, even in the series, their relationship isn't boring, but it could've been presented better. While I said earlier that I think conflict is good in a story, I think a problem in the series that's probably unintentional is that most of the story beats with Charlie and Vaggie are negative.

In episode 3, they have a fight over their lack of communication. In episode 6, Vaggie puts her own secret status as a fallen angel over Charlie, which harms her later. And in episode 7, Charlie spends most of the episode mad at Vaggie and they make up offscreen, which is something unilaterally most fans believe was a mistake.

To the showrunner's credit, there are some positive major story beats. There's Charlie's trust fall on Vaggie, which was cute. There's their beautiful duet in episode 8. And there's them fighting alongside each other in the final battle.

Unfortunately, the fact their arc is a bit wonky and doesn't have a proper buildup makes it so that the climax (the duet) may feel a bit unearned. I don't want to make this whole post about the series because I could spend all day talking about it, so I'll just say for now that i underdtand why some people aren't sold on the ship.

I will say. Some fans have some very beautiful, gorgeous pictures of this ship. There's this great comic made by squids-and-fruitcake that's been running around about Charlie giving Vaggie a gift for Christmas (here's a youtube link in case you want to watch a dub, I couldn't find the original)

I think it's a great example of why this relationship works: they love each other. They may not completely understand each other's circumstances, but they try every day and are still together because of their mutual effort.

Charlie herself, as Hell's number 1 laughingstock can really use the support and the fact that Vaggie supports her even though she doesn't have all the answers means a lot to her. She brings her stability, peace and affection, all things she lacked until she met her.

Vaggie, on the other hand, who was plunged against her will into a pit of violence and cynicism also needs Charlie's perspective. She loves the fact that she cares about something bigger than herself, that she wants to help damned people like her, which given her circumstances I think it's something she also needs in a fundamental level.

That haz bin my review for today! What do you think? Do you like Chaggie? Do you think it could've been written better? What's your favorite interaction between them? Let me hear your thoughts! It's been fun to put my thoughts down for casual reviews, I hadn't done it before, so expect more in the future while I'm still working on the next chapter of my fanfic.

I think I already have an idea about what my next Hazbin post is going to be about (hint: it has to do with Angel Dust). Thank you again for all the love, hope to see you all soon!

[thought--bubble]

If I had the love I needed Pt 2 (Final Part)

Will (Salad Days) X (Friend Reader)

Warnings after the cut

If I Had The Love I Needed Master List

Will (Salad Days) Master List

Full Master List

Banners by @arcielee

Moodboard by: @vhagar-balerion-meraxes

A/N: After a little under 3 months of posting my silly stories, I have 100 followers! Just want to say thank you to all of those who read my stories and interact with me with comments, reblogs, or messages! You all make this so much fun and I appreciate every single interaction 💕💗

Warnings: Smutty Smut. Codependency, Mentions of alcoholism, Mentions of Violence.

"Then why can't you sleep?" He asks his voice teasing.

Your eyes go wide as you slightly shift, but say nothing.

He takes his hand off your stomach and places it on your jaw, turning your face towards his.

"You're beautiful, you know that, right?" He rubs his nose against your cheek, and your heart rate speeds up.

"You're just like me," he whispers into your ear, and you look at him with confusion.

"Unwanted, unloved, forgettable." he nuzzles his nose into your jaw and slowly drags it down your neck.

You swallow as you feel tears start to form in your eyes. He grabs you by your side and turns you so you are flat on your back.

"Don't cry" he runs his finger gently against your cheek.

" I want you," he nuzzles your cheek. "I'll love you," he nibbles on your jaw line. "I'll always remember you." he brings his hand back up to your chin and turns your head so you are looking him directly in the eyes.

"The world ignores people like us." he gently pushes up your jumper and rubs your bare stomach as he pushes his nose to the shell of your ear. "But I see you."

You let out a breathy sigh. "W-what about Leah?" He freezes his movements for a moment

"What about her?" His voice sounds a bit more tense, but the hand he had down on your stomach did not stop its exploration down the side of your body gently gripping as it travels.

"I t-thought you were in -" he cuts you off

"Confused is what i was." his hand travels down to the side of your hip gently gripping at the flesh there.

"Known her a long time. Got a bit confused, is all. " he puts his leg over yours while running his nose along the side of your cheek.

"But she doesn't understand..... not like you do"

You take a deep breath in, every move he makes against your skin, sending electric currents through your veins.

"Don't you feel it? The connection between us?" He pushes himself up against your side "I felt it right away. You're supposed to be mine"

You're weary of how quickly this is escalating, but you can't deny you feel drawn to him. It's like a month to a flame. Like a magnet sliding until the two of you snap together perfectly in place.

You cup his cheek and look into his eyes. His eyes are beautiful, a bright blue swirling with lust, pain, adoration, and just a bit of fear.

You lean forward and gently kiss his lips. He responds with a hunger, grabbing the sides of your face and pressing his lips harshly against yours. You separate as he looks down at you, pressing his forehead to yours.

"I want you," he says in a deep, husky voice. It's clear he understands the power such a simple statement holds for a person like you. Someone rejected all their life. He understands how badly you need to hear that you are wanted because he needs to hear it to.

You reach up and gently stroke his cheek with your fingertip. "I want you too"

"Yeah?" He smiles, showing just a little bit of teeth.

You nod and wrap your arms around his neck, pulling his face back to yours and begin to kiss him more passionately, your tounges swirling around each other in a show of appreciation and lust.

He moves off of you momentarily and reaches into his bedside drawer. He shuffles around for a minute before he pulls out a condom and slides it under the pillow beneath your head.

He leans over you again and gently nips at the tip of your ear before whispering, "I'm going to make you mine"

Your face flushes red as heat pools in your belly. He moves over you, separating your legs with his knee and settling himself between them.

He slides his arms underneath your shoulders, pulling your body up tight against his as he nuzzles into your neck.

"You're so special," he mumbles into the crook of your neck. You feel warmth travel through your entire being at his praise.

He presses himself hard against your core. The feeling of his hardened cock inside his joggers driving you mad with want.

He starts to move himself against you, breathing heavily, his breath on your neck making you shiver.

He slides an arm out from under you and grabs your thigh, pulling your leg up and rutting against you harder.

"So fuckin pretty" he groans.

"So sweet," he exhales unsteadily, sliding his other hand under your bum and pressing you tighter to him.

He ruts against you again and decends upon your mouth, kissing you sweetly and nibbling your bottom lip.

"And all mine," he pulls back and starts to slide your panties down your legs until he gets them off and returns to his previous position.

He brings a hand to your heat, gently gathering some of the moisture there, and bringing it up to your pearl while he starts rub you in slow circles.

You close your eyes and moan quietly.

"Look at me," he demands. "I want to see your eyes"

You open your eyes and look directly at him, and he speeds up his movements and the pressure against your pearl.

You pant as you and Will maintain eye contact as you hurtle closer and closer to your climax.

He watches you, jaw slack as you pant, face slightly contorted in pleasure.

"Oh god," you whine as you sit on the edge of your pleasure.

"That's it. Cmon. Give it to me, " he growls as he nips at your chin.

You release two broken moans as you are rocked by your climax, clamping your legs around his body.

He continues to rub you gently as you ride out your high until he has you twitching with overstimulation at his touch.

He chuckles as he removes his hand "that was bloody beautiful"

You are still breathing heavily as he nips and kisses along your jaw line.

He pulls his joggers and boxers down and off as he keeps his eyes glued to your face as you are coming down from your high.

He reaches under the pillow and grabs the condom he had placed there earlier and gets it on quickly.

He lays back down on top of you. He kisses and lightly bites your cheek.

"You're perfect." He breathes deep as he begins to press into you "so fuckin perfect" he says through gritted teeth.

He buries himself to the hilt and stops

" You ok?" He looks down at you, pushing some loose hairs from your face.

You reach up and curl your fingers in some of the hair at the base of his head. "Yeah, I'm perfect"

He smiles, and he kisses you gently and starts moving in and out of you slowly as if savoring every inch of your body surrounding his.

"Yeah, ya are." he slightly increases his pace as he grabs your thigh and lifts your leg.

He places his other hand on your stomach as he continues to thrust against you.

You pant in short bursts.

"You're mine now," he growls and tightens his grip on your thigh. You nod and whimper.

"Say it," he demands and stares directly into your eyes as he continues his movements, slamming his hips harder against you.

"Yours, oh god, I'm yours" you say between pants and whimpers

He starts to rub your pearl again while he fucks into you quickly.

"That's right, mine," he grunts and closes his eyes and leans his head back.

You quickly approach your peak a second time.

"Cmon, beautiful one more for me." he grips your thigh so tight you can feel his nails slightly digging into the skin. His movements becoming uneven and sloppy

You grip his arm and dig in with your nails as your entire body shudders with pleasure the tips of your toes curling and a tingling sensation traveling up your legs.

"Fuck yes" he grabs both sides of your hips as he drills into you chasing his own pleasure as he keeps his eyes locked on yours. You revel in the way his face is red, jaw slack with beads of sweat dripping by the end of his eyebrow.

He slams his hips into you once, twice, three more times before he comes undone with a gasp and stills as he grips your hips so tightly you know you will have marks there tomorrow.

After he comes down a bit, he chuckles. "Yeah," he runs his finger from the top of your nose down to your lips, pulling down your bottom lip. "You are definitely mine"

And he absolutely meant it. After that night, the two of you are almost inseparable. You're his girl, and he makes sure that everyone knows it.

When you're together, he is always touching you in some way. Arm around your shoulders, holding your hand or even pulling you down to sit in his lap. The two of you hardly go anywhere without each other except for when Will, Tom, and Matt are out doing God knows what. On one such occasion, you find yourself in the company of Leah, something that has become more and more rare the more time you spend with Will.

"I'm not saying he isn't good for you..... I'm just concerned the two of you seem a bit..... I don't know how to explain it... but it just doesn't seem healthy. " Leah attempts to explain her concerns gently, knowing how close you and Will have become.

You shoot her a sideways glance, trying not to let your annoyance show on your face. "This is probably the best relationship I've ever had. It is healthy. We just like each other a lot. I get him, and he gets me"

Leah just nods and hums.

"Just be careful with him, yeah? Don't let him get you into trouble"

You roll your eyes clearly annoyed by this topic. "He won't. He would never want to get me in trouble. " Your response is quick and confident. You trust Will completely and know that Leah's concerns are unnecessary.

"What he means to do and what he actually does don't always line up. Just be careful"

At this point, you have grown so weary of Leah and her concerns that you just nod your head, hoping she will drop the topic. Which she does after a few more concerned looks at you, which you promptly ignore.

As the two of you move on to other topics. Leah's pregnancy scare and your aunts current state included it gets later and later, and still no word from Will. You continue to check your phone throughout the night and when it is nearly midnight and he still hasn't contacted you, you decide that he must have a good reason why you didn't get your usual good night text or his usual demand for you to stay where you are until he can get there to walk you home.

You bid your goodbyes to Leah and head home through the dark, cold streets of Derby. Hood up, keeping your eyes glued to the sidewalk. Luckily, your aunts flat isn't too far from Leah's house, so you get home without incident.

You enter the flat as quietly as possible. Peering around the corner of the entryway into the living room. Your aunt is face down on the sofa, snoring and drooling into the cushions, a few empty bottles scattered around the floor.

"Brilliant," you sigh and start collecting the bottles, dropping them quietly into the bin before beginning the daunting task of getting your aunt from the couch and into her bedroom.

You gently shake her shoulder. " Auntie cmon," you say, barely above a whisper. She grunts and groans while slurring some incoherent noises. "Cmon auntie," you finally coax her off the couch and gently lead her to her room and guide her to her bed where she plops down and rolls over, falling directly into a drunken slumber.

You gently close her bedroom door and sigh.

"Fuck me" you rub your temple and head into your bedroom packing your mini backpack knowing in a day or two you will inevitably be kicked from the flat once again.

Once packed, you fall back on your bed exhausted. The second you close your eyes, your phone chirps. You quickly roll over and grab your phone and smile when you see the text is from will.

"Come outside," is all the text says. So you quickly get up and run to the front door to find him standing on your stoop. Jumper hood over his head and backpack on his back.

"Hey," you say, smiling, opening your arms for a hug.

He wraps his arms around you and buries his face in your neck. He's shuddering and his breathing seems choppy.

You pull your head back and try to get a better look at his face. It's red like he has been crying.

You touch his cheek. "What's happened?" Your voice is laced with concern.

"We have to go." He says abruptly. "Pack a bag, quick"

"What are you talking about?" You say confused."Where are we going?"

"I can't explain right now, but please just get a bag, and let's go." He goes around you and into your flat heading into your bedroom.

"Will" you whisper yell while following him.

"What is going on?" You ask as he opens your closet and starts grabbing at random clothing items.

You put your hand on his arm. "Will stop! What is going on?"

He sighs and looks at you frustrated "that thing. The thing I told you went sideways the other day? Well, it went way more than sideways, and I need to leave, and I ain't leaving without you, so pack"

You sigh, and when you turn your head to look at what he is pulling from your closet, you spot his knuckles torn up and bloody.

Your breath catches. "Will..... what did you do?"

He rubs his fingers against his forehead. "I beat the hell out of Matt." He avoids eye contact as he digs around the floor of your closet looking for a bag to pack.

"What? Why?" Your heart is beating incredibly fast and your stomach is turning.

"There is only enough money for two people to disappear....." he looks up at you. "Don't look at me like that. Not you."

"What are -" he cuts you off as he grabs your hands

" I'm sorry. I'm not a great man. Hell, I don't think I'm even a good or decent man, and maybe if I had the love I needed, I'd be a better man, but I'm not. But now. Now I do have the love I need, and damn it, I can't leave it behind. No, I won't leave it behind, so please, please, I'm begging you. Pack a bag"

You look into his eyes, and you know, there is no chance he is leaving without you.

"I'm already packed." You grab your mini backpack and throw it over your shoulder.

"Yeah?" He asks voice full of hope.

You grab his hand and shoot him a small smile. "Let's go"

He pulls you toward the door of the flat as you spare one last glance at your aunts bedroom door before you quietly close the front door.

This is crazy and you have no idea how this is going to work out, but you do know one thing. You, just like him, finally have the love you always needed, and you'd be damned if you let it just leave without you.

To be added to taglist click here

My Wonderful friend Raye @ewanmitchellconnoisseur wrote an alternative ending to this story be sure to check it out here.

[lagoonalake]

P1HARMONY IDEAL TYPE

THEO

Personality: 3 of cups, 6 of cups, 5 of swords

He wants to be friends first with his partner, he might want to start the relationship platonically so he can bond on a deeper level with his partner, not just based on attraction, but true intimacy, understanding and friendship. He wants an emotional connection with his person, someone who has a lot of depth, caring and sensitive, someone who would keep his secrets. Someone connected to their inner child, who reminds him of home, of the past. He wants someone who he can be comfortable with, who can share activities with him, who has similar interests. He also wants an intellectual connection, someone who is interesting, intelligent, he wants to have heated debates with his partner. He wouldn’t mind if the person has different opinions from him, he enjoys the mental challenge. All water signs, especially cancer and pisces, aquarius, gemini

Appearance: 6 of swords, queen of swords, 10 of swords

More than looks, it’s the personality of the person that matters the most. He would like someone who seems intelligent, that he would be able to tell has a lot going on in their mind. He could like the intellectual style. Someone who looks like they have a high education. Could also like someone who looks like they went through a lot in life, who seems more mature or is a bit of an overthinker and it shows on their face. Someone who is well spoken, eloquent, charismatic and charming. Could like a foreigner or someone who speaks a lot of languages.  gemini, aquarius, virgo, mercury

Turn offs: 4 of wands, the empress, the hierophant

Someone too conventional, the idea of marriage itself, codependency, someone too traditional, passive, someone that everyone finds beautiful (he finds it a bit boring XD), someone trapped in the structure, in their environment, family, people who are too cuddly, touchy, PDAs (he is much more interested in the mental and emotional connection). taurus, libra, virgo

KEEHO

Personality: page of coins, 8 of cups, 7 of coins

He may prefer someone outside of the kpop industry. A simple type of person, humble, who he can have a rather simple life with. Someone who may have been in the industry before but stepped out of it (this is very similar vibe to Felix’s ideal type). Someone who was brave enough to step out of their comfort zone/the easy way in order to grow and find something healthier, better for themselves and that matches their beliefs more. Someone with emotional depth who has worked on themselves. Someone observant, patient, who could be interested in slow life, more alternative lifestyle. Someone interested in environmental issues. Someone close to nature and animals. A healthy, fresh, positive person. He wouldn’t mind if it’d take a while for this person to let him in as he values caution in relationships too. virgo, saturn, pisces, aquarius, scorpio

Appearance: knight of wands, judgement, 6 of cups

Someone who would make a strong impression on him. Big presence. Looks a bit wild, who enjoys the outdoors, athletic, strong, full of energy, short height, youthful round face, cute and fierce at the same time, the color red, orange, fiery looks, messy hair, grunge style or more simple outdoorsy practical style. Bigger striking features, full cheeks. Louder voice, big laugh, very straightforward, honest eyes. Joyful. sagittarius, mars, aries, cancer

Turn offs: the devil, king of swords, the magician

Manipulators, I feel like he may not like a lot of people in the industry (the people pleaser vibe is a big turn off for him), someone in power who he is obligated to please, this could be a specific energy, un anwanted attention in his life. Someone detached, calculating, pulling all the strings, someone who could be into business, who is very ambitious. Someone who is addicted to substances, someone trapped in their environment. air signs, especially gemini, capricorn, scorpio

JIUNG

Personality: 6 of swords, ace of cups, 2 of wands

Someone different, he wants to discover something new. He wants to connect on a raw emotional level. So he wants someone deep, spontaneous and adventurous, who has intense feelings. Someone he’ll have a strong chemistry with. Someone not necessarily too serious, he doesn’t want something long term for now. The kind of person that he can have a moment with and it’ll be intense and fun, passionate and unforgettable. Someone who lives in the present moment, wants to experience life at its fullest. Someone who is always in motion, stimulating, interesting, active, lively sort of energy. Someone who follows their heart. aries, sagittarius, pisces, aquarius, gemini

Appearance: queen of swords, temperance, knight of cups

Someone sophisticated, elegant, who could look a bit cold or unattainable at first sight, with balanced, well designed, refined, symmetrical features. Sculptural, slender, flexible body, could like a very artistic, ornated style, lots of accessories, elaborate make up and jewelry, someone into fashion. Someone who has a romantic, seductive look, intense eyes even though the rest of the demeanor is very calm, a siren sort of look. The color blue, turquoise, green. The color of the sea.  A clear voice.  libra, scorpio, pisces

Turn offs: queen of cups, 8 of cups, the star

Someone who gets attached, clingy, possessive, too lovey dovey, too much of a homebody, someone who wants to go too deep in the relationship, someone who invasive, who tries to understand him too deeply or asks him too many private questions when he doesn’t want something that deep, someone who acts like his therapist or his mom, someone oversensitive, dramatic, someone who is a bit delusional and thinks they have chance with him. He really doesn’t want anything too serious or long term, at least for now. cancer, pisces, scorpio, neptune, pluto

INTAK

Personality: 8 of pentacles, strength, temperance

Someone talented at what they do, very hard working and a perfectionist, he likes to see someone dedicated to their task and passion. Someone disciplined, who always delivers. Someone very patient, mature, meditative, relaxed even in stressful situation. Very level headed. Someone he would admire and respect. An artist, could be a dancer and someone crafty, creative, inspiring. Could be someone who is into sport too, like yoga, martial art, or ballet, something that requires a lot of dedication and patience. Someone who has an eye for detail. Someone who is quite dignified and proud.  virgo, leo, libra, capricorn, taurus

Appearance: the wheel of fortune, high priestess, 3 of wands

Someone who would make a strong impression on him, that the moment he’d see them, he’d know, someone who he’d stare at across the room and feel the fated connection, someone with a hypnotic presence, reserved, quiet but powerful energy. Eyes could be dark, shining brightly, would lure him in, seductive but not too revealing, leaving things to the imagination. Could like a strong, flexible body, could like a dancer. Artsy style, “exotic”, sleek, clean, sophisticated, long limbs. Dark blue, black, silver, diamonds. Deep low voice.  virgo, scorpio, pisces

Turn offs: the moon, the hermit, queen of swords

He is kind of turned off by what he is attracted to, which is pretty common, the dark side of his type. Someone who is too secretive, who lacks clarity, is too vague, who doesn’t want to put a label on the relationship, someone who makes him wait too long, is such a loner and has so many barriers that they are impossible to approach, someone who seems too distant, unattainable, lost in their own world, someone too shy, too remote, who never talks, uptight, who seems annoyed by his presence. Someone cold, detached, emotionally unavailable.  negative virgo, pisces, capricorn, saturn

SOUL

Personality: 3 of swords, judgement, 4 of pentacles

He tends to be attracted to or attract partners who are very possessive, people who are a bit insecure, have abandonment issues and become very jealous. The type that isn’t able to trust him and would check his phone to see if there is anything suspicious in it. People who could spy on him, or even if they wouldn’t go that far, people who just aren’t able to trust him. People who have a very intense energy and are all or nothing, who kinda imagine a new life with him, wants to change his life completely and may even become a bit bossy and controlling. There could be a reason he attracts people like this, maybe he makes false promises but in the end he may not seem too invested. scorpio, capricorn, cancer, pluto

Appearance: king of wands, knight of wands, 6 of wands

Very loud sort of appearance, someone who is very proud or their looks and not afraid to show off, revealing outfits, dramatic fashion, flashy bright colors, just very visible. Someone who has an expressive body language, could be an athlete or have an impressive physique, features that really stand out, bigger features, wider mouth/nose, fierce eyes, very good posture, prominent chest, tall, or even if not tall, really commanding presence. Speaks loudly, resonant voice. Charismatic. Popular. Visibly successful. leo, aries, sagittarius

Turn offs: 10 of pentacles, king of cups, 8 of swords

He’s not interested in something long term, so someone who is all about commitment, making plans for the future, settling down, someone a bit boring, who follows the same routine. Having to meet his partner’s family, becoming a constant in someone’s life and vice versa. Someone very intuitive and who sees through bs, someone who could read him, see the vulnerable side of him, someone very emotionally intelligent and mature. He also doesn’t want to have to deal with the insecurity of the people he deliberately picks, even though it’s something that he is (subconsciously?) drawn to.  scorpio, cancer, taurus, virgo

JONGSEOB

Personality: 2 of wands, 10 of cups, the tower

Someone quite explosive and passionate, but who is also very loyal and committed. He wants intimacy and passion in his relationships. He is the type who likes to do a lot of things with his partner, he wants the two of them to function as a team, to work together even. There could be a bit of idealism and codependency in his relationships. Could be someone who wants to move too fast (both his partner and him), but in reality they are not ready yet and everything fall apart. And he could be the type to be on and off with the same person, someone intense that he loves a lot, with very high highs and very low lows. Very transformative relationship and partner. Enterprising, artistic partner, could be a musician, a creator. Very passionate about their art, a bit obsessive. scorpio, pluto, aries, cancer, pisces

Appearance: page of cups, 2 of swords, 5 of cups

Darker colors, black hair, darker or tanned skin. Someone a bit melancholic, with soft, full features, full lips. Innocence but at the same time that touch of gothic. The color white and blue. He’s not that picky with looks, but he has a type. Dreamy artist. Wavy or curly hair. Round face.  cancer, scorpio, capricorn, pisces

Turn offs: 6 of wands, 5 of wands, 10 of wands

People who are too competitive, aggressive, fierce, attention seeker, someone who is never calm or quiet, always in movement, cannot sit still, always a bit angry or annoyed, hot headed, always trying to provoke or dominate others, to prove that they are the best, the number one, people who are full of themselves, people who are exhausting, loud and invasive. negative mars, all fire signs especially aries and leo 

[loving-family-poll]

Ultimate Incest Tournament - Round 1

Norma and Norman Bates sculpture by artist "Rainman," titled Murderer

Propaganda under the cut:

Dante/Vergil:

The entire game is about how the power of twincest and a little gratuitous dadson/unclenephew can overcome the cycle of generational trauma

They are half-human half-demon twins who got split up when they were 8. Dante is the more normal one although he is mega depressed and doesn't like being around full human people. Vergil is kind of the evil twin although he is not that evil

They meet again when they are 19 and fight a few times and generally seem like they don't like each other (at one point Dante says "how about a kiss from your little brother" before pulling out a gun) but later on they team up and act like the brothers they once were

Vergil jumps into the demon world (and it's implied that it's a kind of suicide attempt, I think) and stops Dante from reaching for him. Dante is very emo about this and basically considers Vergil dead. He then names his devil hunting business Devil May Cry after how he cried because of Vergil

10 years later Dante comes across a brainwashed Vergil and kills him, not recognizing that it was Vergil until he is dead and gone. Dante is very emo about this

Like 10 years after this Dante comes across Vergil's accidental kid and acts like a distant enigmatic uncle toward him. Like 5 years after that, Vergil is back and splits himself in half, and when one half tells Dante that the evil demon they need to stop is Vergil's other half, Dante gets super pissed at him because he thinks he's lying and doesn't like people using Vergil's name in vain, I guess.

Eventually, both halves of Vergil recombine and he and Dante fight again but Vergil's son tells them to stop doing that and they're just like "okay".

Then a portal is opening to the demon world so someone has to go there and stop it but they'll be trapped there. Both Vergil and Dante go. Vergil tells Dante he doesn't need his help and that he can leave but Dante is like "no 🥰". We see them fighting in hell (in a friendly way) and fighting other demons together, just generally having a good time. Currently, they are still trapped there.

TLDR: Dante is very depressed when it comes to Vergil because he's lost him like 3 times and just wants Vergil to be alive and with him. At the end of the last game, Dante is super genuinely happy with Vergil in the demon world. We see less of Vergil's side of things, but he loves and hates Dante because he feels inferior to him (for mommy issue reasons). Vergil only smiles around Dante and honestly likes fighting him for fun. There's a lot more I could say but this is already so long so... They are complicated but they love each other <3

Norma/Norman:

The weirdest, most charming mother/son duo ever. Bates Motel took an interesting story and turned it into something greater, exploring Norma and Norman's relationship with sincere sympathy. Their love for each other is beautiful, but destructive; their intimacy was born out of necessity and shared pain; the world won't leave them alone. It's awful to witness. It's beautiful and heartbreaking.

i mean COME ON. Norma is constantly upset that Norman expresses interest in other women. She hid her husband from Norman because she knew Norman would throw a hissy fit over them being together (which he did)

He tried to commit murder-suicide so they could die together and when he survived he taxidermied her corpse so they could be together forever

Norman “It’s like there’s a cord between us” x Norma “Honey that’s - that’s from Jane Eyre” are everything to me. I’m barely scratching the surface in doing justice to their insanity. They mean everything to each other and I love their fucked-up codependency so dearly.

After he killed her he couldn't live without her so literally absorbed her personality and started wearing her clothes and speaking for her and carrying her corpse around and when a woman he was attracted to showed up at the hotel he killed her as his mother bc of his mother's jealousy??

[dearmrshudson]

The post of saddest(?) supernatural moment gave me the idea to maka a list of my own... You know, an honest list which will not push any agenda or exclude one of the main character completely to forcefully feed to a romantic pair which does not even exist.

so here it goes-

10. Dean's reaction after Sam's death in 13x21 :

This one is so nominal and insignificant to be in this list and not one of top moments for a lot, but this scene ripped my heart open when I saw it for the first time. It manages to show us how Dean's whole world will literally fall apart and make him an empty vessel if Sam is gone and he can do nothing about it - and Jensen manages to portray it with just a walk, two blank eyes and then one drop of tear. Kudos.

9. Church Scene in 'Sacrifice' (8x23):

Anyone who has not cried in this scene? Perfeftly shows the core of the show, the deep love between two brothers- despite all the reasons, all the idiological differences, all the mature discussion and all- Sam is the baby brother of Dean; at the end he needs Dean to be there as a big bro, to tell him to let it go, to clutch him in his chest. Ultimately they will always choose each other and nothing else will come between them.

8. Dean's death in 9x23:

One of the saddest death of Dean, and perhaps it comes to this list because of the build-up and drama follows this. Both had their own reasons for the tension they had this whole season, but when the tragedy comes it hits so hard that all those logics fell apart. It scares to peep in Sam's headspace at this time of dean's dying- imagine you discarding the person you love the most as you are reasonably angry with him, and in a few days he is dying in your arms when you have hardly talked out your differences.

7. Why don’t you believe in us too (14x12) :

Probably should come much later in this list, but this scene stood out in my eyes because it was such a fresh air in the terrible plotless mimicry that SPN had become in later seasons. The scene after ages which sums up Sam and Dean, the codependent brothers whom we had forgotten. Such a long time after we see Sam the little brother, witness the emotional turmoil he was going through silently and how it exploded. The only scene which makes season 14 worth remembering. Also Jared just nailed this scene!

6.) Dead or Alive (3x16):

This scene breaks my heart in pieces. Dean bravely going for the last fight before the horrible death he will be facing. And he trying to cheer up baby bro, he wants the last memory with his brother to be in this car- singing along together... How his face slowly glooms at the end and his eyes full of fear... Early seasons really were gems!

5. Sam in Mystery spot (3x11) :

Undoubtedly one of the best SPN episode with perfect blend of mystery, fun, laughter, tragedy and emotion... The funny vibe of the episode ends in a moment when we see Sam is not waking up from the nightmare loop. Then we see a robot- a scary robot who only wants to get his brother back at any cost. This episode is yet another example of how Sam loves Dean just as fiercely as Dean does, and he is not any less codependent.

4. Barn scene and alone Sam (15x20) :

God! What can I say about this!

Just want to add, Sam wandering alone in the bunker after creamating Dean hurts me equally.

3. John's death (2x01):

Cannot forget this one. This episode happens to be another favourite of mine, and the way John sacrifices himself for his son proves that a father can go to any extent for his children. The farewell scene of John - where he asks for forgiveness and goodbye to dean without him understanding brings tears to my eyes. Such a beautiful acting by JDM and so realistic portrayal of a flawed, helpless and loving father.

2. End of Season 5 (5x22)

The ground was set, the battle was about to begin, the ultimate faceoff between Lucifer and Michael was going to start- then what happens? A stubborn idiot boy with a muscle car and hellbent attitude comes in between- knowing that he cannot survive this- just because one of these celestial entities have captured his brother as a vessel and he won’t leave his brother alone. Till his last drop of blood he keeps on trying- trying to reach his brother who is trapped under something much bigger- keeps on telling that It's okay, he is not alone, his big brother is here. And guess what, he succeed. His brother broke free the bind of one of the strongest entity of universe and fought. The climax scene gives me goosebump always followed by a bunch of grief and saddness the ending carries. Had season 5 been the last season of SPN, and this be the exact way the series ended, I would absolutely have no regret!

1. Sammy's first Death (2x21):

No matter how many sad scenes are perfectly executed in SPN, nothing can exceed the emotion of this one. Jensen will also not be able to exceed the level of performance be set in this particular scene. Period.

So this is it... I must have excluded many. And turns out my list is full of Sam and Dean only and I am also not unbiased 🤣🤣 Well, there are sad scenes that do not involve only the brothers and I still like them, but not my top 10. Maybe have to make list of top 11 to 20 in order to include them. 😁

Please share your favourite saddest top 10 as well.

[witsserviceablesubstitute]

911 has been on my dash lately and it's what I needed, I'm glad I started watching. Someone close to me is dying and the show has been oddly healing.

911 is definitely a soap opera, and the occasional Christian sentiments and acts of god probably hit better with Americans than with me, but it's a show with touching ruminations about life, death, healing, tragedy, love, family, and what it means to be an individual and part of a community. What we owe each other, and what we don't.

I'm in season 3 now and I'm pleasantly surprised by how queer friendly the narratives are. Henrietta has an amazing presence on the show, so too does Buck. (Some of the writers worked on Buffy and Angel and I do think it explains the character driven arcs, easy queerness, and quirky humour). I love all the main characters. How could I not? So much time has been spent filling them in and much of the Drama is used to say something greater about how to move through the Belly of the Whale rather than existing gratuitously to cause rifts between the characters. It's just... nice.... and a rare choice for a show.

The Queerness comes with a caveat, however, US shows are a bit predictable in how they write queer characters. Hen can be one of the mains but her wife can't. Michael and Josh can exist on screen as long as they are side characters and only mention their love lives once a season. Buck can have an incredibly homoerotic relationship with his best friend (Buck: best friend and codependent co-parent) but can only voice his sexuality in later seasons (even if he's very bisexual now and I'm only on season 3). Buck is a beautiful young manly man you see, we mustn't alienate the young men whose demographic he's supposed to represent (sorry for the cynicism).

Really though, 911's relationship writing is top notch except for when it comes to Buck or Eddie's love interests. With the exception of Buck and Maddie, their characters' best relationships are either with each other or with Christopher and I can see why Buddie is such a popular ship. It's more obvious, too, when the romantic storylines are as good as they are for the other characters (and I'm hard to please). It's like the writing is super thoughtful about why a romantic relationship works for everyone else but keeps forcing it with Eddie and Buck because they want the pretty young men to be with the pretty young women. Buck's best love interest was Abby because they were trying to explore why it worked even though it was obvious it eventually wouldn't, that was in season 1 and I don't see it getting better. Look, all I'm going to say is that multiple partners only work when all parties know they're in a romantic relationship. That way you can be honest and mindful about how committed you are. Maybe that's why their relationships don't work now. Buck and Eddie don't realise they're dating each other.

Anyway, thank you Tumblr for bringing this show to me at this time in my life. Also, if you're interested, my otp is Maddie and Chimney. Don't tell me if they don't work out or you'll make me cry.

[ashesandhackles]

@hprecfest Day 2 - A Comfort fic

Regretfully Yours by @maria-de-salinas

Severus/ Petunia. Explicit.

The unexpectedly tender and intimate romance between Severus and Petunia - post the events of First War- tops this list. Maria has a way of writing care, intimacy with such loving attention to detail, it blows me away in all of her work. This also has a sequel!

Summary:

1981 was not Petunia's year. The day before New Year's Eve, determined to make a fresh start of it, she straps Harry and Dudley into the car and flees north--only to hit into the biggest snowstorm she's ever seen in her life. Grief-stricken and dazed by his pivot from Death Eater to teacher, Severus Snape spends his holiday far from everyone, wandering aimlessly through the snow. The last thing either of them wanted was their paths to collide, but when Petunia gets stuck in the snow, they'll get stuck with each other.

2. Not bright or noble, but almost sublime by @yletylyf

Severus/Sirius raising Harry. Explicit.

I remember talking to Lety when we connected in Snirius fandom: "Where are the fluffy fics? Where are the raising Harry fics?" Of course, Snirius fandom as a whole is interested in the tension and delicious angst of Sirius and Severus together, often veering to darker territories - so it was a relief when Lety started writing this! A very fun Snirius raising Harry story.

Summary:

On that fateful Halloween night in Godric's Hollow, Severus Snape and Sirius Black unite in a common cause: find the Secret-Keeper who betrayed their best friend. Or: A temporary truce turns into something much more.

3. The Dog and Deer Detective Agency by @artemisia-black

Sirius/OFC.

If you ever wanted to see Sirius Black in a noir-esque mystery, this is your fic. Not only is Artemisia good at building the luxuriant atmosphere for the foreboding story, this is a good exploration of Sirius in an alternate universe without threat of Voldemort. He is a freer version of the man you might see in canon, but still has that family baggage. There is also tons of baby Harry and Sirius cuteness (yes, that is my catnip- Harry and Sirius are my favourite dynamic in canon)

Summary:

Set in an AU where Voldemort is never born. James and Sirius are both the best of friends and brilliant wizards, and not wanting to be tied down to a 9-to-5, they founded a detective agency. A year in, they have had a steady business from scorned spouses until one day a woman arrives and draws them into a sinister plot in the Scottish Highlands.

sore subject by @incalculablepower

Lavendar Brown/Parvati Patil & Demelza Robbins/Parvati Patil

No one gets the romantic comedy #vibe of Half Blood Prince quite like Incalculable Power. This fic is special among her work because she captures an experience lot of queer women go through - an intense codependent friendship that is just waiting to edge into romance.

Summary:

The High Priestess, reversed. Trust your intuition. Your true self is waiting; she refuses to be contained for much longer.

Orchards by @whinlatter

Harry/Ginny.

Whinlatter dropped into the fandom with a 17k fic written about the summer Harry and Ginny fell in love, and it was utterly beautiful tribute to first loves, Harry, Ginny and also, the third character: the orchard. Even when the fic weaved in the grief Harry is still dealing with and references the war years, it is infused with hope for the future.

Summary:

The orchard is a wild, thousand-flower, crumpled-gate, fall-down-fence sort of place, where things grow that you’ve never asked for, that you’d never expect. The summer of ’96, the story of something flowery he thought he might have smelled at the Burrow.

[astarionmademewriteit]

The Lovers

Spawn!Astarion x Durge f!Tav x Halsin (Minor role)

Cycles between Astarion and Tav POV

Rating: Mature themes (No smut)

Wordcount: 9.4k (Long one-shot)

Tags: Many many Act 3 spoilers, violent images, torture, self-loathing, depression, refusing to eat, eluding to SA, codependency, hurt/comfort, angst, blood drinking, injuries, brief mentions of sex (if you squint). If I missed a tag, let me know.

Summary: What started as a great day at the Circus of the Last Days ends with Astarion gaining insight from a fortune teller into his future as the ascendant vampire and Tav as Bhaal’s chosen. Astarion decides to face Cazador alone and keeps it a secret from Tav–slipping into the night and leaving only a small note. Halsin is there, promising to watch over Tav. However, Tav suffers in his absence (sometimes lashing out at Halsin), but Astarion knows it is better than the alternative–their collective demise and the loss of love.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵

✧*̥˚ Astarion POV *̥˚✧

The Circus of the Last Days was teeming with excitement and laughter, children with face paint ran rampant through the grounds, weaving through the stalls where merchants yelled at passersby looking to make a pretty copper. Other stalls tried to sell the promise of financial abundance with the spin of a wheel, but it was all too easy for me to see they were rigged to steal money from the pockets of the idiotic. Their tactful manipulation is reminiscent of the days I spent as Cazador’s puppet, luring people in with the luxury of pleasure beyond their wildest imaginations.

It was not a bad business strategy, to be sure. But stealing straight from the pockets of the unaware was a quicker solution to our financial needs. I look towards Tav, watching the way her eyes scanned the crowd with quiet excitement. A smile plays on my lips. After all the danger we have faced, the chaotic nature of our adventures has not dimmed the light in her eyes–the happiness that paints her aura in such beautiful vibrant colors.

I wish the same could be said for myself. I can practically feel the looming shadow of the Szarr palace on the horizon, its threatening presence taunting me at every turn–reminding me of the centuries of pain, torment, and abuse Cazador subjected me to. My fists tighten, and I try to steady my breathing lest I spiral into a dark and violent rage–revenge feeding the anger that once laid dormant in the pit of my stomach. I can almost feel the sting of his blade carving his infernal contract into my back, blood slipping from my back in blooming rivulets where steel meets flesh. I grind my teeth at the memory.

“Astarion, look!” Tav squeals with childish glee snapping me out of my tortured reverie. Murderous as she was, her innocent nature overrode her violent tendencies in this moment. Her bloodlust replaced by the overwhelming need to momentarily forget our places in the world–the parts we were meant to play. I follow her gaze and spot a fortune teller’s tent nestled between two stalls selling enchanted jewelry and exotic furs, their claims of authenticity are laughable. To the untrained eye, one would easily fall for such fraudulent claims, but I knew better. Honestly, how this group would survive without my expertise was beyond me.

Tav closes the distance between us and looks up at me with rounded eyes and a pouty lip, “We should try it!” My mouth twitches, threatening to split my face in two. 

“Darling,” I warn playfully, “Need I remind you that half these booths are wasteful ventures that we should avoid? We might as well throw our money in the garbage. Besides,” I drag a knuckle down her jawline to the base of her throat, “I’m the only one who should be draining you dry.” My words have their desired effect, her skin flushing–the smell of her blood carried on the warm breeze wafts to my nostrils. The elation I feel from her scent alone makes my mouth water.

A sharp raspy voice cuts through our moment, “You. Vampire.” I snap my head towards the fortune teller’s tent, a wrinkled decrepit woman leers at me with glassy eyes. Her long robes draped to the ground and her back is hunched painfully behind her, diminishing her height by at least a foot.

“In the flesh,” I bow sarcastically in her direction. Uncertainty washes through my entire body  and I feel Tav stiffen at my side.

“We have much to discuss regarding your future,” She murmurs, her voice grates my ears in the most unpleasant ways.

I sneer, “I doubt you have anything worthwhile to spew, hag,” I growl coldly. I wasn’t about to fall for her thieving tricks. Our gold would be better spent elsewhere.

She wheezes out a laugh, “You will pay a heftier price without my help.” It’s as if she has read my mind. Probably just another party trick meant to lure people into spending money they do not have. However, something tugs at the back of my mind–warning me that she is true to her word.

Halsin moves to my side and places a burly hand on my shoulder, the weight only adding to my own doubts, “Hear the woman out, my heart,” he whispers, “I sense no deception from her.” Tav is nodding her head in agreement, her eyes wide with apprehension and anxiety, and I groan at their collective consensus. It was almost annoying having two people intent on drowning me with their unconditional care. Almost.

After a moment of quiet contemplation, I finally give in, “Fine, my dears,” I huff unenthusiastically, “But I expect to be showered in apologies when I come back empty-handed,” I roll my eyes.

 Halsin chuckles behind me, “Don't worry, my Star. Everything will be alright.”

“We'll be here, waiting for you,” Tav says on my other side, giving me a reassuring squeeze on the arm and a light kiss on the cheek.

I gulp and swallow my pride before entering the witch's tent. Incense wafts through the air, sending tendrils of smoke curling to the sky. Various charms hang from the walls and the shelves are littered with trinkets, tomes, and dead creatures in jars of liquid. It is all very pedestrian.

“Spawn,” the hag’s grotesque voice rings through the air snapping me out of my reverie, “Save your judgements for the future,” she gestures at an empty chair across from her, divided by a small table with a crystal ball centered in the middle. Her consistent peek into my thoughts was unnerving but not unexplainable considering the wall of potions seated behind her against the back of the tent. She most likely used a mind-reading potion. It felt more invasive than a stake in the ribs, to be fair.

I cautiously take a seat across from the hag, impatience brimming on my tongue, “Let’s just get this little performance over with.” I roll my eyes and take a relaxed pose, watching the hag expectantly.

“I can assure you, dear Astarion, that this is no performance,” she pins me down with her glassy stare, “Devils whisper in my ear, speaking of your demise. I rather think you should hear me out.”

Her words sway me slightly, the promise of a devil should not be heeded lightly, nor the promise of one’s demise. I huff exasperatingly, “Fine, spin me your tale of the future.”

She smiles lightly before fishing in the pockets of her robe, pulling out an ambiguous vial of clear liquid and reaching across the table, offering the strange elixir with an open palm, “Drink and we may begin.”

I eye the vial cautiously, a putrid smell wafts through the air, promising bitterness on the tongue. I snatch the vial from her hand and drink before I can change my mind. I am doing this for Tav and Halsin if nothing else. The bitter liquid slides down my throat with ease, souring my stomach immediately. Warmth immediately washes over me, rivaling the warmth I feel when drinking from the necks of my partners. 

My head begins to swim as magic rolls through my body in thick undulating waves, threatening to pull me under. I steady myself, gripping the side of the table in front of me for support as I ride out the arcane sensation. 

“Peer into the crystal ball, Astarion,” the witch commands, “I have much to reveal.”

I focus my eyes on the object in front of me, the crystal ball that was once clear suddenly swims with visions too quick for me to latch on to. The dizzying effects of the elixir begin to subside ever so slightly, and the images in the crystal ball begin to slow, flashing images of Cazador carving scars into my back with agonizing precision. I wince at the memories, feeling the sharp pain of torture carving into my back.

“Your former master, Cazador, has made an infernal pact with a devil it seems,” the hag rasps pragmatically.

“Yes, yes,” I huff through gritted teeth, ignoring the searing pain of my scars, “I already know he plans to complete the Rite of Profane Ascension. Tell me something I don’t know.” I ball my hands into fists, wishing to forget the torture Cazador put me through that night and willing away other, darker thoughts of being sequestered in a tomb–a year of darkness and pathetic attempts of escape.

The image of my scars reflected in the crystal ball dissipate and are replaced by images of my former targets–people I willingly lured to Cazador in the hopes that he would not punish me again, but instead finding new forms of punishment through using my body in ways that I would never have consented to if I hadn’t been chained to his power. Something is different about the victims that stare at me through the curved glass, their eyes are blood-red now, familiar scars mark their bodies, and they suffer behind gilded bars under the Szarr palace.

“Your targets still breathe, newly changed, serving as a blood sacrifice. Seven thousand souls writhe beneath the floors, facing their inevitable death.”

“T-they’re alive? But–how?” I manage to sputter, utterly bewildered by the information and the painful reality that has just been set before me. They have suffered decades–no, centuries–beneath the palace. I thought they were dead. They should be dead. But–why? Then the truth hits me like a ton of bricks. Their souls will be exchanged for his ascension. Not just seven spawn, but seven thousand souls. It takes all my strength to keep from collapsing onto the floor in anguish. This cannot be happening. Cazador has played me for such a fool. Anger wells in my chest and I have to restrain myself from throwing the crystal ball across the room.

“Control yourself, spawn” the hag eyes me cautiously, “the truth of your future has yet to be revealed.”

I suddenly feel as if I want to empty all the contents of my stomach onto the floor as the bitter taste of the elixir dances across my tongue. What more could there possibly be? Was I even prepared to face it?

Before I have time to decide, the images shift yet again. A vague shape takes form, and the person in the crystal ball stares back at me with a familiar gaze. It takes me a moment to realize that I am looking at myself, but it only feels like a stranger staring back at me. Tav enters the frame and stands next to me, a worried expression painted across her features. My eyes look crazed and hungry for something more. I look at the hag for clarity, but she urges me to keep watching.

The images shift again, and I am standing over Cazador’s bruised body. He cowers below me as I grip a dagger in my hand. Suddenly, I am barking orders directed at Tav, pleading with her to connect our tadpoles so that I can copy the scars from my back into Cazador’s flesh.

Relief washes over me as I realize that everything I have been fighting for would be worth it if my future promised my own ascension in my former master’s place. His body, the bodies of my brothers and sisters, and the targets I lured to the palace disintegrate into ashy piles as power flows through my body, centered in the middle of the bloody Black Mass. Revenge never looked so sweet.

“Do not forget yourself, Astarion,” the hag breaks me from my concentrated stare, “You will lose your soul too.”

I take a moment before answering, “That is not an unreasonable transaction, especially if it means I become powerful enough to protect myself and the ones I care about. Nobody would harm me ever again,” I lean back and cross my arms over my chest, the tension from earlier melting away as I sit with this new reality.

The witch eyes me wearily before continuing, “You seem so concerned with protecting Tav from danger, but who will protect her from you?” She waves her hand over the crystal ball, willing the previous images of the ritual away and replacing them with images of Tav. Her vermillion eyes are illuminated, watching me with practiced reverence. Puncture wounds scar her neck, and her movements are sharper and more precise. So, she would allow me to turn her if it meant spending eternity with me. A small smirk plays on my lips.

“I hardly see how her becoming a vampire is any consolation,” I bark with renewed arrogance.

“Not a vampire,” the hag replies sharply, “a spawn. Forever a slave–bending to your will.”

I brush off her remark, “I would never treat her as Cazador treated me. Do not act like you know the first thing about me.” 

An amused grin pulls at the corners of her crusted lips, “Your soul says that now, but do not forget that you sacrifice that and so much more by choosing this path.”

I roll my eyes and focus on the crystal ball once again. Reflecting back at me are the same eyes I’ve come to adore, but now they look pained and resentful as they stare back at me. I falter momentarily, and if my heart were still alive, it would die all over again.

“W-well,” I stammer, back-pedaling slightly, “I’m sure the power dynamic would be…unsavory. But I’m confident Tav would still find it in her heart to love me,” I whisper, trying to convince myself rather than the hag. I continue to watch as darkness shrouds the eyes of my beloved and I begin to feel less sure of myself with every passing second. 

“A vampire’s greatest threat is another vampire,” the hag recites, mirroring the words I uttered not long ago, “The love you have cultivated will be nothing more than ash in your mouth,” she warns.

I shift uncomfortably in my seat but remain silent. “You will set Tav down a dark path of her own should you choose to ascend,” her words do not falter at this admission, and I know she speaks the truth.

As if to solidify her words, the images shift yet again. Now Tav stands before the bloodied walls of Bhaal’s underground temple, Orin dead at her feet. She is faced with an avatar of her father, and she kneels before him accepting her fate as his chosen. The promise of carnage and violence flits through her eyes as she transforms into a grotesque slayer, her features warped by the bloodied maw of the beast, all emotion siphoned from her eyes as murderous intent envelopes her completely. 

All words on my tongue fall away as I stare at all she has become–everything she has valiantly resisted now a distant memory…an empty promise that echoes of slaughter. “She..” I choke out the words, “She accepts her fate as Bhaal’s chosen if I ascend?” I peered up at the hag, wishing I could wipe the smugness from her wrinkled face. 

“Truly a terrifying couple,” she rasps, “reviled by all… and resented by one another.” 

I look down in shock as the images twist grotesquely into a new picture. My powers wash through Tav’s body, forcing her to act against her will. I force myself to watch, even though I wish very badly to tear my eyes from the horrible images. Tav grips a dagger, hanging still in the air as if frozen in time, inches away from piercing my heart... So, I will drive her to murderous rage, so much so that she would willingly kill me. The love that once hung between us is now non-existent as hate fills her eyes.

So, this is what's to come… Unimaginable power at the expense of my soul… Tav’s soul… and the budding love that lies between us. The promise of death and murder the last thread tying us together.

I stare dumbfounded as the new revelation washes over me, more powerful than Cazador’s power imbuing me with his will. 

“This cannot be…” I whisper, my hands trembling at my sides. My body racks with pain as I continue to watch. The bloody future unfolds before me as our bodies lay lifeless beside one another. Our inevitable demise ends at the hands of one another, effectively destroying the trust and mutual care we have built together… between each other. The images fade to black, leaving a deep-seated wound in my heart.

“This,” the hag gestures towards the now empty crystal ball, “is to be your fate, if you so choose.”

I sit frozen, too stunned to speak. Tears threaten to flood my eyes and anger washes through my body with agonizing intensity. “Why,” I ask through gritted teeth, “Why show me all this?” My words now sting with acid, “Why, help me?” I stand suddenly, knocking the table off kilter. 

The hag grabs the crystal ball before it has a chance to shatter on the floor. A part of me wishes it had, as if that would undo the future it laid before me. She eyes me sternly before reaching into her robes once again and retrieving a card. She hands it to me, and I reach out and snatch it from her hands, letting anger control my limbs.

The card is decorated with a kaleidoscope of colors and gold foil, its design is ostentatious and obtrusive. I flip it over to find an image of two bodies romantically entwined and the phrase “The Lovers” embellished along the bottom. I look at the hag, waiting for her to elaborate.

“Because…” she says after a moment of contemplation, “I wish someone had extended the same courtesy to me when I was younger.”

I simply stared at her, half wondering what she had experienced to end up in a place like this. I lower the card on the table and turn to leave. I hover just before the exit and turn my head, “This… is a gift you know. I will never forget it.” I drop a satchel of gold on a nearby table before exiting the tent without another word, steeling myself to face Tav.

Should I tell her? I think it would be unwise, but guilt wracks my body as I see the look of pure love that adorns her face when she catches sight of me. Her features are now covered in face paint, and I cannot hide my own amusement. But it feels shallow, the weight of my future encumbers me and every step I take towards Tav…every second I look into her beautiful eyes is just another reminder of what she could become–of what I would enable. 

I slip into my charming facade, choosing to hide the looming threat that hangs over my shoulders like a wraith clings to the shadows. 

“Astarion!” Tav squeals excitedly, “What did she tell you?” Her body shivers with anticipation, and she hops enthusiastically on her heels as she waits patiently for my reply.

“Nothing of note, really,” I wave her off nonchalantly, “Just the usual propaganda a lonely wench spouts hoping to siphon money from her visitors.”

“Oh,” Tav looks down, disappointed, “Like what?”

“Finding love,” I say, lifting her chin with the tip of my finger. Her eyes find mine and light up at the prospect, “Accruing unimaginable wealth and happiness if I follow my dreams. That sort of thing,” the lie falls easily from my lips and I scold myself internally for resorting to shallow lies, especially where Tav is concerned. We have built a bond based on trust and consent. I have already tainted that bond by withholding the truth, depriving her of her right to know what the future holds.

I try to push down the guilt that rips through me, more painful than any injury I have sustained on our road to Baldur’s Gate thus far–and there were times I was close to death. But this pain is incomparable. Self-loathing starts to creep its way through my very bones, threatening to shatter my carefully rehearsed mask.

“Uh, darling” I say carefully, “I’m suddenly not feeling well. Perhaps we should head back to camp.”

Tav eyes me warily. I’m almost certain she knows that I am hiding something–her attunement to my many masks have sharpened over the months and I silently curse myself for being so predictable at this moment. 

If she suspects anything, she makes no mention of it but agrees that we should head back to camp. Halsin promises to fashion some sort of tincture to soothe whatever ails me and I acquiesce, trying to widen the berth between me and their suspicion. 

Back at camp I withdraw into my tent, pacing the small enclosure reminiscing on the words spoken by the witch. I was filled with dread and wracked with guilt. Tav's unconditional loyalty towards me would be nothing but a tool of manipulation I would use to seek power that I now realize should never belong to me, no matter how intensely I craved it as a means of protection. 

I could be up front with Tav, but I knew she would urge me to face Cazador with her by my side–always the hero. The promise of power would be too much to turn down, like a shiny hook baiting a fish. Tav’s loyalty and unbreakable need to please me would prove an easy avenue for manipulation–something that would surely end with our inevitable demise. I couldn’t put myself in a position to force her hand, and I absolutely could not put Tav in a position to accept her own dark fate. Her love was the first good thing to happen to me in the centuries since I became a vampire, and it could be undone so easily. I could not let that happen, even if it meant facing Cazador alone.

It was the only way.

“Astarion,” Tav’s sweet voice filters through the tent, breaking me from my thoughts. She pulls back the flap of my tent after a moment and looks at me with caution in her eyes.

“Yes, my dear?” I slip back into my easy facade, knowing full well what needs to be done.

She closes the distance between us, careful not to touch me without permission. Always the astute observer. I smile softly at her, trying to repress the memories of her deadened eyes as they looked at me with resentment. That was not her. It would not be us.

“H-how are you feeling?” She shifts nervously, fully aware that something weighs heavy on my mind.

“Honestly? I’m just feeling a little overwhelmed. Arriving in Baldur’s Gate has stirred some… unpleasant memories.” It wasn’t a complete lie, just an omission of the entire truth.

“I understand,” She whispers carefully, “I’ll always be here when you need me. You won’t face this alone.” Determination fills her eyes and I know she wholeheartedly believes the words she speaks. I do too. 

“Thank you, my love,” I whisper after a moment, my words painted with sincere gratitude. I don’t expect her to forgive me for what I’m about to do. But it is the only way I can protect her. I reach out and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. She gives me the strength to do the right thing.

Tav turns to leave but stops short and looks over her shoulder, “You can feed on me tonight, if you like.” My breath hitches in my throat. My attempt at selflessness falls short as she offers herself so freely to me. I knew it would be selfish of me to accept, knowing that I would vanish from camp while she unknowingly slept. But it could also be my best chance at surviving the encounter with Cazador. Would she forgive me if I made it out alive?

“I-I’ll…okay my dear,” my mask falters momentarily, “I’ll see you tonight. Thank you.” I bow my head with gratitude as she exits the tent.

As I wait for the sun to set, I fill my time with mindless reading around the campfire, searching through various texts that might provide useful information for the fight to come. I sift through a particularly dull tome when something falls from between the pages, fluttering to the ground like a feather being shed from a bird.

For a moment I look at the object, completely bewildered by what lay at my feet. I reach down and pick up the card. The words “The Lovers” are inscribed across the bottom edge. The witch’s tarot card stares back at me as if to taunt me. “What in the nine hells,” I whisper to myself.

“What’s the matter, my heart?” Halsin’s booming voice echoes behind me, and I spin on my heels, quickly tucking the card in my pocket.

“Oh Halsin! My dear, you startled me,” I laugh nervously, “Actually, there’s something I need to confess. I trust you will understand and assist me in this one thing.” Although our relationship is newer, I trusted Halsin with my life, and Tav’s life. I know he will watch over her while I am away–however long that might be. Hopefully not forever.

“Of course,” Halsin’s face softens, “I shall lend you an ear.”

I pull Halsin to my tent discreetly, eyeing Tav across camp as she accompanies Gale while he cooks.

I quickly relay all that the witch showed me, Halsin’s face falling with concern when I deliver the horrid news. A small weight was lifted from my shoulders at the confession.

“That is concerning,” Halsin whispers, “How are you feeling?” he reaches out and caresses my cheek tenderly.

I laugh sarcastically, “Not well, as you might imagine. That is why I need you to watch over Tav while I slip out of camp and face Cazador alone.” The weight of my words causes Halsin to still.

“Astarion,” his voice shaky, “You’re certain this is the only way? What if–” his sentence dies on his lips, too difficult to utter the very words that haunt me as well.

“I have to try,” I whisper after a moment, “Even if it means I won't make it back,” speaking the words aloud suddenly makes them feel real. It was a possibility I would die and Cazador succeeded in completing the ritual. But I was out of options.

“Tav will be devastated,” Halsin’s concerned tone washes over me, only adding to my fears.

“Yes, well,” I laugh nervously, “It is better than the alternative. I am sure you would agree.” I pause before continuing, knowing the next part will be difficult for him to swallow, “She cannot know where I’ve gone–this is important, Halsin. She will follow me, and all of this will be for naught. It’s… for her own good.”

After quiet contemplation Halsin agrees, “ She will not see it that way, Astarion, but I promise to do as you say, my Star. But you must make it back to us. A world without you would be unjust,” his voice breaks. I slip him a folded note and instruct him to give it to Tav once she notices my absence.

I smile and pull him in close, placing a soft kiss on his lips. His arms wrap around me protectively–an unsaid goodbye passes between us. I pull away before I can change my mind.

“Thank you, Halsin. I will not forget what you have done for us,” I nod before exiting the tent. There was nothing left to say.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵

✧*̥˚ Tav POV *̥˚✧

I search among our companions for Astarion. He has been particularly aloof this evening and I could not ignore the concern as it flooded through my veins. I knew that arriving on the doorstep of Baldur’s Gate would be difficult for him, but I couldn’t shake this feeling that he was avoiding me. If he wanted his space, I would respectfully take a step back while he sorted through his feelings, but I couldn't help but worry that he was spiraling into a dark void that would be impossible to pull him from. At what point do I step in? I tread a fragile line–one that could potentially cross over into territory that I wished to avoid at all costs if I wanted to carefully respect his boundaries.

Even still, something awful churned in my stomach–a sense of foreboding tugged at the recesses of my mind. I’ve learned to trust my intuitive nature. My life training in the Temple of Bhaal sharpened my instincts into a fine point that rivaled the very daggers we equipped ourselves with. However, even years of honing my mind will not assist in revealing what darkness lingers on the horizon, until it has fallen upon me. It’s blinding disruption, a promise that haunts me. If only it would reveal itself before it’s too late.

I look up to the sky, its domed shape spattered with twinkling stars, heckling me with false hope. If any gods could hear my silent prayers, they showed no sign of acknowledgement. Praying was a trivial pursuit, but it felt right in this moment, even if they went unanswered. I know not what lies ahead, but I knew it was not good. 

“Quite the sight,” Astarion whispers from behind me, mirroring the hollow words he once spoke in the first few nights of our meeting. I spin around to find his vermillion eyes watching me with a careful expression, “You, I mean.” He whispers, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

I let out a breathy laugh, relief washing over me as his presence pulls me away from the impending dread that inhabits my body.

He opens his arms invitingly, ushering me into his cool embrace. I gladly comply, welcoming the feel of his body against mine. His arms wrap around my waist and pull me in tight, threatening to never let go.

“I missed you,” I whispered in his ear.

“I haven’t gone anywhere, darling,” he laughs quietly.

“I know. But every moment that I am away from you is more agonizing than the last.” His body stiffens at my truthful words and panic begins to settle in the pit of my stomach. I hope I haven't crossed a line. “Sorry,” I amend quickly, “I just enjoy your company.”

He pulls away, but keeps his arms firmly wrapped around my waist, his smile is soft, but it doesn’t quite meet his eyes, “You know I enjoy your company as well, darling. I fear I wouldn’t survive without it.” There was some underlying meaning to his words, but before I could inquire further, he pulled me in for a kiss.

I lace my fingers through his ivory curls–his touch melting away all the tension that burdened me only a moment before. His kiss steadily grows hungrier, his tongue slipping between my lips as he sought out my own. He sighs against me as our tongues slide against one another.

All too soon he pulls away, planting small kisses along my jaw and down my throat. The reverence laced in his kisses leave small confessions against my flesh.

“I’m going to turn in early tonight, my dear,” he whispers against my skin in between small kisses.

“Alright,” I whisper shakily, “Are you forgoing dinner tonight?”

His lips halt against my throat and he inhales deeply before pulling away and looking into my eyes with a worried expression, as if internally warring with himself.

“I–no,” he whispers after a moment, tearing his gaze away from me with a guilty expression. My deep-seated curiosity takes hold as I watch a wash of emotions cross his face, “I would like that very much.”

“O-okay,” I whisper suspiciously. 

Before I can ask what burdens him, he pulls me to my tent and patiently waits for me to lie comfortably on my bedroll. What ensues feels less intimate than usual, and more of a formality. I let my questions die on my lips, chalking up his rigidity to the earlier confession he laid at my feet when I had visited him in his tent. I only wished he were comfortable and happy. He laps eagerly at the blood he pulls from my veins, taking his fill.

Once he was finished, he placed reassuring kisses along the puncture wounds that marked my  throat as his. The camp had fallen quiet outside my tent, my companions choosing to rest their weary eyes on this early evening. 

“Do you mind if I linger, until you find rest,” Astarion asks, a glimpse of vulnerability flashes across his sharp features.

“I would love nothing more,” I whisper, relieved. I quickly change into my bedclothes, Astarion’s eyes lingering on my form as I slip into something more comfortable. 

I slide into my bedroll and Astarion pulls me in close, nuzzling his head into the crook of my shoulder. I wrap my arms tightly around him, lazily running my fingers through his silver curls with one hand and tracing words into the cold flesh of his back with the other, careful not to touch his sensitive scars.

“I could stay like this forever,” I admit into his well-manicured curls, his scent comforting me beyond reprieve. 

Astarion lets out a tortured groan and holds me tighter, “Me too,” he finally confesses, “Me too, my love.”

His embrace eventually lulls me into a deep, dreamless slumber. His proximity stirred a deep sense of comfort within me that only reveals itself when he is near. 

I did not feel as he carefully slipped into the night.

Beams of sunlight filter through the tent, bathing me in its gilded illumination. I wipe the sleep from my eyes, rolling over reaching out for Astarion. My hand lands on the empty bedroll. I frown, wishing he had stayed through the night.

Something savory wafts through the air and I can hear the sizzle of meat in a pan over the fire. Even as the inviting aroma assaults my senses, something stirs in the morning air. The camp is unusually quiet. By now, I should hear the excited lilt of Karlach’s voice–she was always a morning person. I should hear Gale delighting in telling stories of Waterdeep. I should hear Lae’zel sharpening her weapons, or Shadowheart reprimanding someone for being too reckless during battle. At the very least I should hear Astarion, his voice dripping with disdain at the breakfast we gorge ourselves on each morning, or the playful complaints of our current accommodations–sleeping in the dirt like commoners when there was a perfectly accommodating establishment in the Lower City. 

Instead, silence creeps through my tent threatening to swallow me whole. Something stirs in the air, reminiscent of the dread I felt last night before Astarion approached me. 

I quickly gather myself before exiting the tent, not even concerned with changing into day clothes. Immediately I see Halsin across camp, whispering to a huddle of companions. Their hushed tones not quite reaching my ears.

“What’s going on,” I immediately felt panic rise in my throat.

All the companions fall silent as they whip their heads towards me. I immediately note Astarion is not among them. But that wasn’t unusual. Their behavior, however, was.

The companions stared at me momentarily before falling into their usual routine ignoring the suspicious glare I sent their way like daggers in their backs.

“Good morning, Tav. You must be famished! Come grab yourself a plate. You look like you need sustenance,” Gale rambles. I watched him carefully but headed towards the fire anyway, the remnants from Astarion’s feeding last night left me feeling light-headed still.

I sit silently as I eat. The companions were careful in my presence, offering me kind words as if to distract me from something. Their diversion was obvious. I leave my food half-finished behind as I stomp towards Halsin. He watches me approach, his face unreadable but his eyes guarded.

“What the hell is going on, Halsin?” I demand, “Why is everyone acting so strangely?” I cock my hip to the side and cross my arms over my chest waiting for an explanation. 

“Nothing slips through the cracks with you, my heart,” he laughs. It doesn’t reach his eyes and I know he is hiding something. 

“Quit stalling, Halsin,” I snap. My temper was burning on a short fuse this morning, and even though I felt bad for snapping at Halsin, who has done nothing but show kindness and patience towards me, he was obviously keeping something from me.

“Perhaps, we should go to your tent and talk,” he places a large hand on the small of my back, but I whip away from him.

“No. We will talk here. Tell me, what is going on?” The camp falls quiet and alerts me that everyone, aside from me, knows what is happening.

Halsin falters, and I look around the camp searching for something out of place. What has made them so worried?

“Tav,” Halsin whispers with careful explication, “Astarion is gone.”

His words envelope me, and I stare in disbelief as they swirl around in my head. “Gone? What does that mean?”

He sighs and refuses to meet my gaze, “He left.”

Darkness threatens to overtake my vision as his words settle in the pit of my stomach like a stone falling to the bottom of a lake.

I spin on my heels and tear through Astarion’s tent. The emptiness that stares back at me feels like a slap in the face. I feel my breath quicken, threatening to send me into overdrive until I’m hyperventilating.

I storm out of his tent, “Where?” I whisper, my fists involuntarily balling at my sides as I try to control the bubbling anger that threatens to spill over into unbridled rage. All I can see is red.

Halsin walks towards me cautiously, the whole company trailing behind him with worried expressions painted across their faces, “My heart–”

“WHERE?” I yell, all patience evaporates from my body.

Halsin quietly pulls a piece of parchment from his pocket and hands it to me slowly. I snatch it and unfold it, scared of what I might read.

I stared at his elegant handwriting, unable to soak in the words that stared back at me. This tells me nothing other than Astarion was gone. He had intentionally left. But for what purpose?

I fold the note and head to my tent, quickly changing into clothes more suitable for travel. I need to take a walk.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵

✧*̥˚ Astarion POV *̥˚✧

I spent the first couple of nights quietly scouting out the Szarr palace, watching as guards came and went. I hadn’t seen any of my brothers and sisters since I arrived at my discreet hiding place. I knew the city like the back of my hand, having spent years watching the city grow even when my purpose had stayed the same. 

“Your only purpose is to lure back pretty things for your Master, boy,” Cazador’s words ricochet through my skull, “By any means necessary. Let them use you, gain their trust with your pretty words and face.”

I try to shake the words from my mind, but arriving on his doorstep only heightened the centuries of memories and torment. Long nights chained in the kennels with nothing but dead rats to sate my appetite flit through my mind. The painful bite of the whip as it bit into my flesh. My screams echoing through the palace, feeding the egos of my captors. 

Your screams sound the sweetest.

I knew that returning to this godsforsaken place would be a painful reminder of what once was, but it was more difficult to face alone than I had previously planned. I caught myself on several occasions turning my head, thinking Tav was standing next to me–a habit that I had become more than accustomed to.

I try to shake my thoughts from Tav. I cannot imagine how angry she must be with me. If I dwell on it too long, I will abandon all control and run back to her with pleas of forgiveness falling from my lips.

I checked my inventory one last time, having stockpiled supplies, potions, and weapons. I was ready. I slip in, undetected, having done this thousands of times before–but never with murder on my mind.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵

✧*̥˚ Tav POV *̥˚✧

The nights were cold and agonizing. I could not sleep. My mind retraced our last day together. Something in Astarion’s demeanor had shifted after he visited the fortune teller. What had the witch said to him? I was almost certain that was the pivotal moment when things changed. 

The day had gone by in a blur. I stormed from camp and walked through the streets of Baldur’s Gate, searching for a glimpse of my silver-haired vampire. My urges thrummed in my chest and diabolical whispers filled my ears–my anger igniting their hunger.

I interrogated as many people as I could–barkeeps, guards, and merchants. Some required a knife to the throat to cooperate. I was perpetually having to cool my blood and ignore thoughts of maiming during their interrogation. I scared even myself at times. However, no one had captured a glimpse of Astarion. I shouldn’t be surprised; he had perfected the art of slipping undetected through the city streets for centuries.

By the time I returned to camp empty-handed the first night, I was exhausted. Gale tried to push a plate of food in my hands, but I was too high-strung to eat. Halsin was persistent in checking on me as I lay in my tent while I tried to push down the tears that threatened to spill. I was on the precipice of shattering completely.

Then the anger started to settle in. I numbly traced the puncture wounds that marred my neck. The only evidence that Astarion still existed. I was angry at him for leaving. For drinking from my neck and lying with me in my tent before slipping into the night–never to be seen.

I was angry that he left without a clue as to where he was going. I could not help but wonder if he was going to face Cazador. But it didn’t make sense. He was adamant that he needed my help to face his old master. What would push him to go back? I was not sure I wanted to find out.

The yawning breadth of despair sits like a cavern where my heart once beat with elation in his presence. I was not sure how much longer I could entertain thoughts of him pulled back under Cazador’s control. Images of Astarion’s limp body under the Szarr palace plagued my thoughts. What if he had been captured? What if Cazador had sacrificed him and completed the ritual? But why would Astarion willingly stroll back into his own torment? I knew the answer. He wouldn’t. But the witch–she knew something.

After a restless night pacing through camp, I headed out on my own to the Circus of the Last Days, refusing the company of my companions. The witch would divulge what she knew. She was the only lead I had. I would force it from her if I had to.

My heart sank when I saw her tent was absent. The merchants that had sat on either side of her said she had packed her things and left just the day before. I grip the hilt of my dagger, anger surging through my veins as whispers of murder rang in my ears. I knew I was treading a dangerous path. My anger had become untethered, and my murderous nature boiled just below the surface, yearning to break free.

After long hours of wandering the streets, staking out the Szarr palace, and harassing people in the street, I return yet again empty-handed back to camp.

“My heart,” Halsin pulls me into a hug, brushing the hair from my face, “I know you are worried about him. I am too. But you must take care of yourself. You haven’t slept. You haven’t eaten. You are out all day long. Let me care for you.”

The past two days I had been drowning in my own guilt over the way I had snapped at Halsin. But my anger and determination to find Astarion overpowered any rational thought. 

“The thought of living normally… Taking care of myself… feels wrong when he is out there somewhere,” Halsin gently runs his fingers through my tangled hair, trying his best to comfort me. “Why?” I choke, “Why would he leave? I don’t understand.” A tear slips from my eyes, and I can no longer hold back my despair. I cried into Halsin’s shoulder. My sobs echoed through the camp. I didn’t care who witnessed it. 

Halsin continues to comfort me. He helps me slip into my night clothes and brushes my hair, ushering me to put something in my stomach. I nibbled on a small piece of Waterdhavian cheese, but it tasted like ash in my mouth. I realize that all the luxuries of life–all the magic that one could find in the small mundane things, such as the taste of food or the vibrant colors of the city, did not matter if Astarion was not there to experience it with me.

Halsin brewed me some tea, promising that it would help me sleep. He offers to stay with me, but I regrettably turn him away, electing to be alone with my thoughts. With my despair.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵

✧*̥˚ Astarion POV *̥˚✧

It was surprisingly easy to clear the main floor of Cazador’s palace. I took special pleasure in killing Godey, one of my main tormentors aside from Cazador. His screams echoed against the kennel walls, his empty threats silenced once and for all. 

I stood in the middle of the kennels trying to regain my composure. The ghosts that once taunted me in this room had been suddenly silenced. Their whispers effectively cut short. I remove the key to the chapel from the pile of bones that had once been Godey and make my way back to the main floor, cutting through all who stood in my path.

The humans that served Cazador in the hopes that they might one day become his spawn whimper pathetically as I slice through them without a second thought. The nocturnal horde that Cazador had amassed was no match for the centuries of rage that I had unleashed. I wore their blood like a badge of honor. A trophy of my revenge. 

But there was only one person whose blood I cared about at this moment–Cazador’s.

I pass through his study until I find the hidden lift that would descend me into hell. I steeled myself, knowing I would come face-to-face with the people whose trust I betrayed. It was one thing to prepare myself to face their inevitable wrath and suffering, but it was entirely different to witness with my own eyes.

Their vermillion glares pierced me from the other side of their gilded cages. I recognized their faces. They did not deserve this. It was all my fault.

Tav’s voice creeps into my mind unbidden, “You had no choice. This isn’t your fault. It’s his.” 

I pull the tarot card from my pocket and stare at the letters, deciphering its hidden meaning. The reminder that Tav was back at camp, hoping that I would return to her arms only strengthened my resolve. This card was meant to serve as a reminder. It reminded me of why I was doing this. It wasn’t for me. It was for us.

“I’m going to kill Cazador and free you all,” my voice was full of resolve. My previous targets stared back at me, unmoving. I don’t expect them to trust me. Not until it was done.

The smell of blood and death reverberated through the air, weighing heavy on my thoughts. I felt its influence on my mind as I traversed deeper into the underground chapel. My thoughts no longer felt like my own. The thrum of power hurtled through the air like static electricity, further warping my mind into something else–something I deeply wanted to avoid.

Finally, I reach the large ornate door leading to the ritual site. I could feel the power hitting me in undulating waves, the smell of death threatening to send me into a violent frenzy.

I take a deep breath, touching the pocket that stowed the tarot card. I let thoughts of Tav give me the strength and bravery that I desperately needed. I finally push open the doors.

“Is it true? Has our prodigal son returned?”

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵

✧*̥˚ Tav POV *̥˚✧

Last night was one of the most difficult. I had not been parted from Astarion this long since our first meeting. Memories of his cool hand tracing lines in my skin, the taste of his lips, the intimate moments we shared with only the moon as a witness addled my mind. Halsin’s tea sat untouched in the corner of my tent. 

I was scared to sleep–scared of the dreams that would play like a reel in my mind. I wasn’t ready to face those quite yet. A part of me still held out hope that he would return, begging to be held in my arms like the last night we spent together. His cool skin comforted me in ways that no one else could supply. I knew I was chasing false hopes.

How could I surge forward, eager to save the world when mine had just been decimated. Selfish thoughts flitted through my mind, wishing all of Faerun could suffer like I was. The thoughts scared me. They were foreign to me–at least the new me. I felt the thorny tendrils of my past life gripping me tightly, seeping through my veins like the poison of a viper. The lonely Bhaalspawn I once was lingering behind the threshold, threatening to break the fragile barrier that I had worked so hard to build.

Astarion made me realize that all she had needed was love–a tender touch. Something to care for. But that had been ripped from my grasp, and the shattered girl I once was slowly began to reveal herself once again.

The camp was active, but I was too depressed to leave my bed. I knew that if I continued to tear apart the city looking for evidence that Astarion still existed would turn up nothing. He had vanished, just as quickly as he had come. 

My eyelids are heavy with exhaustion. My limbs ache from lack of sleep and food. My eyes close against my will, and I fall into a dark slumber filled with dreams of Astarion.

A commotion in camp wakes me from my sleep, images of Baldur’s Gate flooded with blood and viscera rescind from behind my eyes as I try to take hold of my surroundings.

Outside, I hear urgent voices. Shadowheart is yelling out a list of potions and ingredients for healing, “Astarion, stay with us.”

All the lingering effects of sleep drain from my body when I hear his name. I scramble out of my tent, tripping over my own feet. I look up to find Astarion collapsed on the outskirts of our camp, bloodied and bruised.

A strangled cry escapes my lips as I run towards him. No. no. Don’t die.

I’m hovering over Astarion, clasping his hand in mine. His labored breathing is shallow and painful.

“Astarion,” I cry, choking on my own sobs.

His eyes open slowly, and he squeezes my hand weakly, “D-darling. I-I’m terribly sorry,” he sputters before his eyes fall closed again and his arm goes limp.

“Shadowheart,” I cry, panic rising in my throat.

“Let me work,” she murmurs, casting restoration and healing spells, her hands working methodically.

Halsin wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me away. I fight against him, thrashing violently, “No,” I scream.

“Let her work, Tav, she can heal him,” I hear the uncertainty in his voice.

“LET. ME. GO.” I scream, maneuvering out of his grip and falling to my knees beside Astarion. Halsin paces behind me, running a hand through his hair, clearly trying to stay calm for my sake. But I can tell he is just as concerned.

“Astarion, please,” I whimper, running a hand through his hair, ignoring the blood that paints his curls red and pink, “Stay with me. Don’t… Don’t leave me again.” 

Shadowheart works throughout the day, patching up any visible wounds and casting spell after spell. Finally, as the sun begins to slip from the sky, she announces that he will be fine. But he has fallen into a deep rest so that his body has time to heal.

I don’t leave his side for three days, counting his breaths and wiping the sweat that dampens his brow. I whisper encouraging words to him when others aren’t around, coaxing him to wake up. All of my anger was abandoned and forgotten. Halsin stayed with us as much as he could, only leaving to eat and sleep.

The third night, Halsin exits the tent to catch up on sleep. The bags under his eyes grow heavier with each passing day. He forces tea into my hands, practically begging me to sleep. I promise that I will try. I give him a soft kiss and whisper apologies for my decorum these past few days. I felt like an awful partner. Halsin waves off my concerns, showing nothing but understanding and kindness. He knew what Astarion meant to me.

I curl up next to Astarion, careful not to touch his wounds. It looked like he had suffered quite a bit. I saw the healing scars of knife wounds. Some looked like he had been stabbed while others were large gashes that marred his body. Even still, large bite marks and burns were scabbing over, only just staring to heal. My thoughts turn over in my head, wondering where he had gone. I felt deep down I already knew the answer.

I gulp down Halsin’s tea and close my eyes, listening to Astarion’s rhythmic breathing until I finally fall asleep. 

I’m not sure how long I was out before I felt him stirring next to me. I hear a grunt as cool arms snake around my waist and pull me close. My eyes spring open and I am met with the most beautiful sight I could pray for.

Astarion’s vermillion eyes stare back at me, something haunting lingers behind them.

“Astarion,” I jump. A mixture of surprise and excitement touches my voice.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, pulling me back to his body, “I-I’m so sorry, darling.” 

I watch him as sadness and relief surface in his features. “I have so much to tell you.”

I nuzzle my head into his chest, tears spilling from my eyes, “You need to rest, Astarion,” I say choking back my sobs, “Reserve your energy, please,” I beg, “You can explain later.” I mesh my body with his, not wanting to ever be parted from him again.

He chuckles lightly beside me, his quiet laughter rumbling in his chest. He painfully leans forward to plant a kiss on my head.

“This cannot wait, darling,” he murmurs through painful breaths.

I lift my head to meet his loving gaze.

“Tav–I. I’ve had a lot of time to think. But the only thoughts that occupy my mind are thoughts of you,” he pauses to catch his breath, “You have taken hold of my heart–my soul. There is nothing–nothing I wouldn’t do for you. I–I love you,” he breathes, “and I do not want a future if it does not include you.”

He slowly and painfully pulls a card from the pockets of his bloodied discarded trousers. “You gave me the strength to save myself. I will never forget it.”

I take the card from him and study its blood splattered image. The words The Lovers stare back at me, promising a future that I yearned for more than anything.

“I love you too Astarion,” I breathe after a moment, cradling myself against his body once again, “Don’t ever leave me like that again,” I whisper into his skin, inhaling his familiar scent.

“I promise,” he whispers before falling back into a deep sleep. His breathing slows to a steady rhythm.

And for a moment, I swear I could hear the soft beating of his heart.

[nolongerapileofashprobably]

What do you think about link and Zelda’s characters?

I wonder if this is specifically Zelda and Link from the Wild Era— I’ll assume so since it is the newest era and I have been primarily focused on Wild Era games recently.

I’ll start with Zelda’s character first— to put it plainly, I love her as a character. She grows and develops despite witnessing literal tragedies and shouldering the weight of a kingdom from birth. Her duty was set forth the moment the prophecy came to light and she was put at a disadvantage when her mother died.

If we remember, Zelda didn’t cry at her mother’s funeral. We know from the game that Zelda is quite an emotional character, so her putting on a front of placing so much on herself at such a young age is something that breaks my heart. But to see how she grows as a person, how she overcomes that emotional blockage through sheer love, how she handles the wreckage of the Calamity, how she develops as a leader, to finally how she becomes a Queen is by far the most powerful and beautiful Zelda character arc in the series. She is so beloved in my heart that I cannot formulate the words to describe those emotions, though I desperately try.

There is no Zelda in the entire series that I adore and cherish more than her (and I’ve played nearly all the games). She’s on another level of development and complexity that it truly hurts to see people completely warp her personality and her actions to justify a false narrative.

Her character is incredibly strong, not just magically, but in terms of actual character design, development, and the execution of her story. She has her flaws, and we actively see her work on them and course correct when she can. That is something so mature and important (and I don’t think people give her enough credit for that). I genuinely don’t have many critiques of her character, as I was genuinely happy with her through the entirety of the story.

Link on the other hand… I do love him. I do. Link is a strong character physically, but his development is incredibly scarce compared to Zelda. His character suffers from Nintendo’s choice to essentially make Link a ‘link to the player’ rather than his own person. With a story that incites powerful emotional responses when players cannot refuse that Zelda and Link 1) are incredibly close/bonded, probably lowkey codependent 2) have not left each other’s side since they were reunited and finally that they are 3) probably romantically involved, or something akin to transcending just a simple friendship, it’s difficult to ensure that experience when all of that is lost on those who decide that it isn’t true.

Mind you, everything I listed above are simple and straightforward interpretations of in-game evidence. And we do see a lot more from Link’s character this game with small gasps and micro expressions (that should NOT be ignored). But for those who do not agree with the above, it’s likely they disliked the story. That’s okay, not everyone will like the story. But a lot of it stems from this vagueness Nintendo established for Link’s character.

He was a kid beating soldiers in the guard, trained in Zora’s Domain, continued training, got the Master Sword when he was a preteen, had the weight of a prophecy placed on him as the first piece besides Zelda, and then became a Champion and Zelda’s Knight Attended by the age of 16/17. Homeboy did have a lot of trauma and stress at an early age that did cause selective muteness and for him to create this stoic mask. We see that he is much less stoic and more talkative after the Calamity and after, but it’s all relative to what the player wants/feels. Sometimes that contradicts what the story itself implies/tells players.

Link is… wasted potential as a character. He could have 100% been more than what we were given to see. I have crafted my own version of him that to me, is as close as canon as I could get, but that won’t be the same for anyone else. Link is precisely what Nintendo wanted him to be and he serves that purpose perfectly.

And it works, but it could have been executed a bit better by confirming things regarding his character rather than leaving breadcrumbs for players to follow if they decided to.

So yeah. Zelda is amazing and I love her. Link could have been executed better but for what we got, I still love him too and extracted enough to formulate as close to canon interpretation without being overly biased (at least I tried).

[libbee]

Rising like the phoenix

🌸 Especially for 8th housers.

🌸 So far we know that 8th housers are traumatizing placements. We know that they meet bad people in life. We know that they face unpredictable life events. We know that they are prone to neurosis. We know that they build themselves up from the ashes. Especially after rock bottom. They yearn for the person they were before. The naive emotional and carefree person. The person who never thought twice before taking a decision. The person who was so careless with their heart and emotions. The innocent. The child. Too gullible. Too trusting. They yearn to be that person again because it just felt so good in past, before they were aware of masks, hidden colours of people and ulterior motives.

🌸 What I want to talk about is CODEPENDENCY. If you are in a mental state to understand this, the reason why bad people came into your life was because you were a codependent. A bad one at that. All of us are influenced by the energy of the people we surround ourselves with. Energy and emotions are infectious and contagious. Given the 8th house placements their emotions are already extreme and when something good happens (a new friendship or relationship or even going to grocery) they are really very pretty seriously happy. They are happy in their bones and soul and cells and every atom in their body. That is just who they are. So when the betrayal and shock happens, it hits them hard like every atom in their body is collapsing. This is why they are transformed deeply after every betrayal.

🌸 But what does one have to do after rock bottom? You are in neurosis. You know you have to change your attitude towards life. You have to change your habits. You have to change your emotional reaction. It takes time, I know, it can take years. It is not easy to heal for 8th housers. But you should know what you are doing. You are healing your codependency issues. The person you yearn for was a codependent person. For every narcissistic sociopath there is a codependent. As simple as that. You were codependent because you lacked self worth. your self esteem depended on the words, opinions and judgments of other people. Your mood depended on the mood of other people. You let others take decisions for yourself. I am not victim blaming but it is to understand who you were before. Life has given you an opportunity to fix your codependency issues. You dont want to become a codependent again. Do you?

🌸 An infantile and immature childish codependent person you were living in a womblike state chasing a paradise. 8th house/scorpio/pluto are very bold teachers. But rest assured they will bring to your consciousness your own hidden flaws. In a toxic family line there are abusers and abused - both are magnets to each other - for every narcissist there is a codependent. You might think "I am not codependent, hell naw" but you are. Just dont be in denial. This is the silver lining in your neurosis.

🌸 Healing from codependency is not sunshine and roses. It is not aesthetics. It is not fruits and flowers. It is simple learning and practice. Learning from your mistakes. Learn from youtube, internet articles, books, write, journal, record yourself speaking in voice notes, make videos of yourself, it is about learning skills. Social media makes it look like healing is pretty and beautiful mess. But it is not like that. It is taking 3 steps but slipping 2 back. It is relapsing to old patterns. It is sudden insights and intuition. It is running in circles and ruminating. It is exhausting and tiring and frustrating. You just want it to be over so that you can start living your life like a normal person.

🌸 You are now a wounded healer. A wounded physician. A doctor without a degree - doctor of souls. You feel an urge to help others. Heal others. Like Chiron who could not heal himself but healed other people. Only a wounded soul can heal another soul. It is an experiment. Dont confuse that you be a saviour complex and put yourself in trauma again. But it is to make authentic connection with another soul and do your project together. Perhaps it is now your destiny to merge with other because your poison is your medicine too. This is why all 8th housers are pulled to occult, shaman, astrology, psychology because they want to heal others. It is their task. Their presence is now calming. They are a wise person. If you are 8th houser and you healed some major trauma you know that the only way out is to accept your wounds. To accept your flaws which in this case is codependency issues. It will make you feel powerful over yourself. You wont feel helpless powerless and hopeless. You have to diagnose your spiritual illness that is codependency. Simultaneously, you live a private life. Away from social media and make believe. It is a typical pattern. Just know you are not alone.

[aloneholy]

hi i love your blog :) & was wondering if you could recommend your favorite/the best sapphic n wlw media like shows books movies please? I have recently come to ... Realisations .. :') I do love picnic at hanging rock btw and also the similar vibes of the media that you tend to reblog. homeorotic energy w out being Explicity Stated it also very welcome <3 thank you if you can and i hope thats okay !!! have a good day :)

hellooo what a lovely question - thank you so much! i’ll happily rec some things i’ve loved, especially that i find homoerotic/wlw media that Compel me much harder to come by - and i agree, picnic at hanging rock is so unique.

books:

- zami: a new spelling of my name by audre lorde - an “autobiomythography” & maybe thee most formative book for me, in terms of wlw reading. i read it for university and it changed me as a person, changed the way i look at loving women. it’s beautiful

- nightwood by djuna barnes - if you like the more unsettling aspects of picnic at hanging rock, something lynchian and modernist, this is a dark and heavily abstract lesbian novel which i really love

- our wives under the sea - a really poignant and lovely soft sci-fi depiction of a wlw relationship, themes of grief, identity, loss etc. some compare it to annihilation though expect much less science fiction

- her body and other parties by carmen maria machado - a lovely (probably my favourite!) collection of short stories which often are wlw-centric or have a vibe. stunning prose in general

- hera lindsay bird by hera lindsay bird - wlw poetry, very fun and contemporary, what i call self-aware poetry

- mary oliver’s poetry!!!

- for biographies, anything about tove jansson….

- anything by virginia woolf will fit the not explicitly stated vibe feeling - mrs dalloway has a really wistful lesbian undercurrent, orlando is a love letter to vita sackville-west. etc. etc.

movies:

- persona (ingmar bergman) - thee movie. it’s Not explicitly stated, it’s feverish and desolate, but it’s both intensely homoerotic and a searing exploration of identity, existential dread etc.

- mulholland drive (david lynch) - again, unsettling vibes. not even gonna elaborate on it - it’s a david lynch - but it’s a must-see

- passing (rebecca hall) - a moody, poignant and beautiful adaptation of nella larsen’s novella (which is on my to-read list) about a relationship between two women

- the favourite (yorgos lanthimos) - recently rewatched with a friend, no notes. a bizarre, obsessive, thrilling story. rachel weisz is to die for in it

- kajillionaire (miranda july) - a tender and strange (affectionate) depiction of a bond between two women in unexpected circumstances

- thoroughbreds (cory finley) - what if murder was homoerotic, what if murder was a metaphor. in a way this is about every codependent friendship between girls that has ever veered towards obsession

- vita & virginia (chanya button) - a biopic abt virginia woolf and vita sackville-west specifically, people have very mixed feelings on it but i personally love it to bits.

tv shows:

- black sails - anne and max’s storyline in black sails is the most visceral and lovely wlw story i’ve seen in tv or film… there are specific tws i would heed for max’s arc in the first season which i’d be happy to elaborate on, but their story is beautiful

- first season of killing eve is still unmatched 😔 second is still quite nice, if not as good. third is hm. the ending scene has whimsy to it. never watch the fourth.

things my gf loves that i still haven’t read/seen:

- portrait of a lady on fire - i just know it will Get to me so i’m waiting for the right mood to watch it

- this is how you lose the time war by amal el-mohtar & max gladstone - same reasoning!

things i’ve started but haven’t had a chance to finish yet:

- little blue encyclopaedia (for vivian) by hazel jane plante - a beautiful (but sad, and also about grieving, hence it’s taking me a while) trans wlw story. quaint and quiet and wistful.