#the tragedies keep piling up

[dockaspbrak]

Bekfjfkfnfhf

[ichorai]

snow spider ; miguel o'hara.

pairing ; miguel o'hara x spider!reader (gender-neutral)

synopsis ; you were the ice to his fire—and miguel was burning for you.

words ; 4.4k

themes ; fluff, slight angst

warnings / includes ; set before the events of atsv, descriptions of injury/violence, cursing, a bit suggestive, mentions/appearances of other spidey characters, ben being a dramatic idiot, peter & may being adorable, cameos of magneto and doc ock, miguel is down so bad, can you guys tell i'm also in an asoiaf phase ? (winter is coming !!)

a/n ; there will be a part two set during the events of atsv !!

main masterlist.

You were Miguel’s seventeenth recruit. The first of your name. The first that wasn’t a Peter Parker, or a Jessica Drew, or a Ben Reilly. 

When Miguel dropped into your universe, one rife with crime and tragedy, stricken by a never-ending winter, he fell into a large pile of snow. 

“Damn it,” he whispered through chattering teeth, brushing off the frigid frost clinging to his suit and glancing around the iced-over city. There were sparse few people littering the streets, hovering over trash-fires and clutching rumbling stomachs. This was certainly a stark contrast to Nueva York—the universe looked dead, almost. A ghost town, frozen over into nothing but a glacial artifact.

Before Miguel could start forward to look for the Spider of the universe, a sticky web shot out from seemingly nowhere, binding his hands together. Ah. It seemed that you’d found him before he could find you.

“You’re not from here. I can’t smell the winter on you,” a voice echoed, saturated with curiosity, edged with caution. A second later, you materialized in front of him, clad in a white suit, sharp silver lines running over your form. On your chest was a spider, a pale snowflake engraved into its abdomen. Miguel stared at you with wide eyes. “Who are you?”

A beat of silence. 

“Your universe is cold,” was all he could think of saying, still caught off-guard. 

You took a step back. “My universe…?”

After clearing his throat, he shook himself out of his reverie. “My name is Miguel O’Hara. I’m from a different universe. I’m here to recruit you into my team to help keep the multiverse from collapsing.”

You shifted, muscles still tense. “How do I know you’re telling the truth?”

Lifting his wrists, Miguel twisted a hand and used his sharp claws to cut himself free of the sticky bonds. “Let me show you.”

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Miguel wasn’t supposed to like you this much. You were just meant to be another recruit for the Spider Society… maybe a close work companion, or a trusted friend at best. 

But as he watched you dart in and out of visibility, your suit only but flashes of white and silver, he couldn’t help but marvel at how easy it was to work with you. How much he genuinely enjoyed working with you, spending time with you, listening to you laugh at his stiff quips. And he really thought he was being subtle about it, but Jessica had already picked up on Miguel’s keen interest in you, always teasing him about having a crush on another Spider.

It wasn’t a crush, though. No, Miguel just really liked your work ethic.

Right?

“Heads up!” you yelled, swinging forward and using the momentum to kick an incoming car barreling right in his direction. The metal doors caved in beneath the power of your strike, veering to the left just in time to miss him. 

The two of you were taking down another anomaly that’d cropped up, one of the several dozens in only the past week. This anomaly, however, wasn’t the regular neighborhood villain they’d usually get, but instead an omega-level mutant: Magneto. 

Shards of metal rained down around you, but you were quick to deflect by thwipping out large, sticky webs to catch them before they could impale you. 

“This guy manipulates metal, Miguel!” you yelled. “Cuffs won’t work on him!” 

Another large metal pole rocketed straight for you, but Miguel dove towards you, yanking you out of the way.

“Thanks!” you told him, a bit too wound up to notice his large hands tightly wound around your midriff. “Can you distract him for me?”

Nodding wordlessly, Miguel shot out several glowing, synthetic webs in quick succession to momentarily blind Magneto. You used his shoulder to launch yourself upward, turning invisible in mid-air. 

Before the man could realize what was happening, you yanked his protective helmet off, landing a calculated strike to the back of his head. Immediately, all the bits of metal floating in the air came plummeting to the ground, and Magneto went limp in your hold. You swung down to the ground, coming back into view. 

“You’re gonna have to alert one of the Spiders that we need a metal-free cage for him,” you told Miguel, a bit breathless. 

Okay, a lot breathless. There was a sharp sting on your side—a broken piece of metal must have grazed you during the fight.

Miguel wound an arm around you to help you walk, concern festering within his chest at the sight of crimson staining your once-pristine white suit, his other hand dragging an unconscious Magneto by the scruff of his collar. With a tap of the watch, a portal opened up, flashing a multitude of bright oranges and purples. 

Back in his universe, Miguel was quick to hand Magneto over to a few Peters, telling them to be careful not to get any metal near him. You pulled off your mask and squeezed Miguel’s bicep in gratitude when he shifted his hold on you, ensuring that you wouldn’t put any weight on your injured side. Even exhausted, you were beautiful. Miguel remembered the first time he saw you without your mask: the entirety of his linguistic vernacular went flying out the window and he was left embarrassingly spluttering out a long string of incoherent sentences. You were patient with him, beaming wide and nodding emphatically, even though none of what he said had made sense. 

Yeah, alright, fine. Miguel had a crush. It really wasn’t a big deal (it was a very big deal). He’d be damned if he’d ever admit it to Jessica, though—that woman would never let him live it down.

Several Spiders waved hello to the two of you as you hobbled by, and you could only give them a winded half-smile in return. Some of them asked if you were alright, noticing the blood on your suit, but you reassured their worries away, “I’m fine. Miguel’s got me.”

A rush of protectiveness fell over him, and he clutched onto you all the tighter, hurrying to make his way back to the base. There were a few Spiders hanging around the control panels, chattering amongst themselves, and Miguel gave them a quick scan to make sure things were going smoothly since his departure. Once everything seemed to be in order, he finally tugged you into a more secluded room, helping you sit on a table as he grabbed the first aid kit. 

“Sorry,” he murmured, ripping off his mask as well. His dark hair was disheveled, sharp brown eyes softening with guilt. “I got distracted during the fight.”

“Hey, it happens,” you replied warmly, fingers lifting to pat his cheek. The feeling of your cold skin pressed up against the blistering heat emanating from his cheeks made a shiver dance up his spine. “We’re alive, and we got the anomaly. Everything’s fine.” 

“But you’re hurt.”

“I’ll heal.”

With careful, fleeting touches, Miguel drew back the ripped fabric of your suit to inspect the gash in your side. He cleaned away as much blood as he could, murmuring gruff apologies every time you flinched. The guilt worsened when he began deftly stitching up your wound—it didn’t go past his notice when your face twisted with the pain, and you bit your lip in a fruitless attempt to keep the sharp agony at bay.

“You did good out there, Y/N,” he said, desperate to distract you. “What was it like being the Spider in your universe?”

You spared him a loose grin, appreciating his attempts to keep you entertained. 

“Tiring,” you admitted, fingers digging into his shoulders when he began another stitch. “I mean, I’m sure you’ve heard the same story a million times by now. I was a scientist, trying to find a way to reverse the never-ending winter. I was bitten by a radioactive winter-spider… the only kind of spider left after our world iced over. I, uhm… I lost my uncle. My mom, shortly after. She was captain of the police force.” 

There was a long pause. It was obvious that you weren’t too keen on divulging all the details just yet. Your eyes watered with the memory, a glimmering film of tears warbling over your lower lashes, and Miguel gently patted your knee in understanding, silently reassuring you that you didn’t have to tell him everything.

You drew in a deep breath. “I realized I had powers—I had all the abilities of a spider, and I could turn invisible, and withstand the cold much more than before. I was known as the Snow Spider. A lot of people died from the frost. I couldn’t save them. I tried to help as much as I could, but it was just never enough. And then… I met you.” A smile graced your expression, one that sparked life into Miguel’s heart. “I moved from just helping my city, to helping the entire multiverse.”

Before you knew it, Miguel was tying off the last stitch, biting the thread short with his sharp fangs once he was done. You murmured a sincere thanks, placing your palm flat against his chest, feeling the quick thrum of his heart slamming against his ribcage.

If you noticed how his pulse seemed to kick up a notch with your ministrations, you didn’t say anything. For that, Miguel was grateful.

“There you go. That’s a brief summary of my life story. It’s only fair if you tell me yours.”

The man met your gaze, irises dark and warring with conflict.

“What’s there to say? I got powers, just like you. I lost people, just like you. I built the Spider Society… and then I met you.” The last bit was said as he nudged you gently, and he offered you a tentative smile, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

Hesitant, you lifted your hand, softly grazing your knuckles against his cheek. Icy was your touch, but it felt nice—almost addicting. He found himself leaning against your hand, shutting his eyes as he exhaled.

“You’re a mystery, Miguel,” you murmured, leaning forward to press a chaste kiss to his cheek as thanks for patching you up, before sliding off the table to stride away. Miguel watched you go with a lump in his throat. “Luckily for you, I like mysteries.”

“How long has that been a thing? I haven’t noticed because I’ve been too busy thinking about my… miserable past,” sighed Ben, coming to stand beside Jessica, the two of them watching Miguel follow after you like a lost puppy, face uncharacteristically mellowed with an undeniable lovesick expression. 

“It’s not a thing,” she replied with an amused scoff. “Not yet, at least.”

You halted what you were doing and turned around to grin at Miguel. “Look, I stitched my suit back together. It’s good as new!” 

His dark, molten eyes gleamed with affection. “It looks great.” He caught sight of your web-shooters, fixed against the base of your hand. “I still can’t believe you need those.”

“Well, I can’t believe you have spinnerets embedded into your skin. I can’t tell if I’m more grossed out or curious to know more,” you shot back, taking his hand to inspect his wrist with narrowed eyes. “What other kind of powers do you have?”

With a roguish grin, he bared his teeth, sharp fangs drawing out. 

“I can never get over those. They’re kinda intimidating, but in a cool way.” Before you could stop yourself, you tacked on, “And really fucking hot.”

Heat crawled up his neck. He stared blankly at you. “They’re poisonous.”

Still, you smiled at him, all sweet and flustered. “Hm. It’s a shame, really. I definitely would’ve asked you to bite me if not for the venom.” Neither of you were quite sure if you were joking or not.

Miguel was certain he was going to combust into flames. “I can still bite you without injecting the poison into your system. It’s a voluntary response.”

To his surprise, you burst into a fit of laughter. Gods, he was absolutely smitten with that sound. The way your nose wrinkled, the side of your eyes creased, the shaking of your shoulders as you chuckled… it was all too much for Miguel.

“Don’t tempt me with a good time,” you warned.

“Oh, I can do much more than just tempt,” said the man in front of you, making your laughter taper away into silence. 

You studied him for a moment longer. Before you could say anything, both of your watches beeped simultaneously. With one more amused huff, you patted his shoulder, brushing past him and pulling your mask over your face. “Come on, mister. Anomalies to catch, universes to save… we can continue this conversation later.”

The months pass by in a blur. 

You were wrangling back another Doc Ock anomaly, having webbed up all his metal tentacles, easily tossing him into a temporary laser cage with a sweet smile. The villain was spitting obscenities, going on and on about the power of the sun in his grasp, how you’d ruined everything for him. 

“You’ll pay for this!” he yelled, slamming his fist against the glowing barrier. 

“Sorry, Doc,” you said with a mild grin. “I’ve met around a dozen of you, and so far, you were the most compliant. That makes you my favorite!”

You saluted him with a wink, before turning on your heel and striding away. It wasn’t long before Miguel found you, falling into step with your stride.

“Look at you, taking on anomalies all on your own,” he murmured lowly, nudging your side with his elbow. “Good job.”

With a scoff, you pulled off your mask, regarding him with an expectant gaze as you leaned forward, so close that your nose nearly brushed against his. He could feel the cold frost of your breath blow over the heated planes of his cheeks. “Well, then, Mr. O’Hara, wouldn’t I deserve a reward?”

The vampire-spider only flushed at your words, mouth falling open and shut as he struggled with a rebuttal. 

Your laugh, soft and tinkering, made his heart nearly seize within his chest. Still chuckling, you shoved away from him, saying that you had to get back to your universe to make sure everything was still in order there.

As you made your way out of the room, using your watch to portal through to your wintry hellscape, Jessica appeared out of nowhere beside him, one hand on her heavily pregnant belly, and the other cocked upon her hip. 

“God, you really can’t be more obvious, can you?” she asked.

Miguel spared her a glance, snapping out of his reverie and standing up straighter. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Everyone knows you’re in love with the Snow Spider. And don’t you deny it—I know a liar when I see one.” She watched Miguel frown, but didn’t bother protesting her claim. “Yeah. That’s what I thought. Tell them, you big grump. Y/N deserves to know.”

Before he could reply, Jessica was already hastening away, yelling over her shoulder that she had to go to the bathroom because the damn baby was kicking against her bladder again.

Jealousy was not an emotion Miguel was well acquainted with. Ever since he witnessed an entire universe crumbling away in front of him, he was careful not to get too attached to anything. To anyone.

But he did. He grew attached to Jessica, who was his most trusted friend, always giving him the best advice and always available to lend him a helping hand. Though he’d never admit it, Miguel was also rather fond of Ben and his obnoxious penchant for his dramatic tragedies. And, most obvious of all, he was undoubtedly very close to his best soldier, Lego Peter.

Then there was you.

It infuriated him—the way you’d smile around him, give him the most fleeting of touches, always pleasantly cold, leaving prickly goosebumps in your wake. You would offer him an affectionate nudge and a myriad of teasing compliments that made his stomach want to fold in upon itself. But Miguel tried not to think too much of it: you were a generally kind person, with many of the Spiders in the society taking a certain liking to you. It didn’t go past his notice that you’d caught more than a few romantic eyes. Every time a Peter or a Ben would openly flirt with you, he could feel himself bristling, bile rising within his throat.

Again, Miguel wasn’t used to feeling jealous. He wanted to be the one cooking dinner for you, holding you in his arms, kissing you, touching you—

To his relief, you never paid them much mind, often politely declining with a poorly-forged excuse of having to return to your universe.

It was nearly a year since you’d first met Miguel when you were at Headquarters, holding a babbling Mayday as she crawled all over you. You laughed when she climbed up onto your shoulders, slipping down into your hands with a gleeful coo, blue eyes bright and wide. With gentle hands, you brushed her messy ginger hair away from her face. 

“She doesn’t look like you, huh?” you asked Peter B. Parker. “She must be a carbon copy of her momma.”

“A good thing,” admitted the man beside you, muffling a yawn as he dug the heels of his palms into his sleep-deprived eyes, adorned with dark bags. “Wouldn’t want her taking after her old man, now would I?”

“Why not?” you asked, amusedly watching when May shot out a web from her tiny shooters, swinging away to clumsily scale a nearby wall. “I think you’re very handsome. Trust me, the sleep-deprived look is very trendy right now. In my universe, at least. Nobody can really sleep well with the never-ending cold we got going there.”

Peter gave you a loose smile. “You know what, you’re right. Dad bods are making a comeback. By the way, did I tell you about my coin collection—”

Before Peter could finish what he was saying, your watch beeped noisily, and Ben’s slumped hologram appeared over your wrist. “Y/N, I’m glad you’re here,” he said. You had to hold your tongue not to retort that he was the one that’d called you. “I need you to come comfort me and hold onto my strong, muscular arms as I tell you about my gruesome past.” The pale image of Ben flickered as he flexed his biceps. 

You rolled your eyes to the side. Ben had become a close friend during your time with the Spider Society, nearly inseparable after you’d saved his life from an Electro anomaly once. That man was quite the emotional one, he was.

“I’ll be there, just give me a minute.” 

“Bring me one of those Spider-burgers, will you? Extra ketchup and no p—”

You tapped at your watch and his hologram disappeared before he could finish his request. With a mild wince, you glanced at Peter. “You wanna come with me and listen to Ben dramatically mope for an hour? I’ll treat you and May to Spider-burgers, because it looks like I’ll have to stop by there, anyway.”

“I would, I really would, but I gotta put May down for a nap,” he said with a sympathetic slant of his lips. As if on cue, the baby fell back into Peter’s arms, yawning widely. Bouncing her up and down, Peter absent-mindedly remarked, “Make sure Miguel doesn’t catch you being all sweet with Ben. That guy is crazy about you. Hah, he’d lose his marbles!” 

You blinked.

“What?”

Peter froze, realizing what he’d just said.

“What?” he parroted.

“No, uh, what did you say, about Miguel being…”

“Nothing! Huh? I didn’t say anything.”

“Yes, you did. I heard you. Peter, what are you saying? Miguel is—?” 

Sheepish, Peter scratched the back of his head. “Oh, wow, would you look at the time!” Peter pulled down the sleeve of his pink bathrobe to mimic looking at the watch. He hastily stepped away. “I have to go. I didn’t say anything. Bye! I’d love a Spider-burger with you another time! Bye! See you later!”

You watched in bewilderment when the older man swung away with his baby in his hands, muttering out a long string of panicked curses under his breath.

Miguel was crazy about you?

After a few seconds of deliberating your next move, you shot out a web and swung away, heading to Miguel’s private office, where you knew he would be buried in figuring out a solution to the influx of new anomalies. Surely Ben would be alright with you showing up a bit late (he wouldn’t, but you had more pressing matters at hand).

“Hey, Miguel,” you greeted with a soft voice, slipping inside after knocking twice. “Hope I’m not catching you at a bad time.”

The man offered you a warm grin. “Never a bad time with you. What’s going on?”

“Well, I just… I had a rather interesting talk with Peter B,” you started, striding across the office until you stood just in front of his desk, with Miguel on the other side.

He tilted his head. “Was it about that collection of coins he lost to an anomaly? He needs to get over that.”

“I—what? The poor guy lost his coin collection? He’d been working on that for years!” Shaking your head, you mindfully got back on track. “Well, no, that’s not what we talked about.”

Dark eyes narrowing, Miguel crossed his arms, deadpanning, “What did he tell you?”

There was a rather mischievous hue to your expression that Miguel misliked. Slow and deliberate, you stepped around the desk, fingers dragging along the smooth top. You stood so close to him that your chest was only a hair’s breadth from his—if he were to take too deep a breath, the two of you would be touching by now.

“Hm… Peter accidentally let slip that you have feelings for me. Is that true, Miguel?” The way his name rolled off your tongue nearly made him choke as his brain short-circuited. 

“I… I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said, echoing the exact thing he had said to Jess a month ago. 

You studied him, gaze dragging from his stiff face, to his tense stature, and back up again. It may have been a trick of light, but Miguel could swear he saw your eyes linger on his lips. 

With a hum, you leaned even closer. He could hear your heart thrumming now, a steady, strong beat—which completely juxtaposed against his own rapid pulse, drumming loud within his ears. Up this close, he could smell your perfume, see the flecks of color within your pretty eyes, notice the way your lips quirked up with a sweet smile. Even whilst teasing him, you made sure that you weren’t overstepping any bounds, giving him ample time to step away if need be.

“Oh,” you said, feigning confusion. Your hand rested upon his clavicle, nails lightly dragging down his neck. A sharp thrill struck down Miguel’s spine at the sensation. You were barely touching him, for God’s sake! “So you wouldn’t mind if I… go ask Ben out for dinner?”

A beat of silence. Miguel’s brows knitted together.

The next words were susurrated as you dipped forward to nudge your nose along his neck, pressing a cold whisper of a kiss along the underside of his jaw. “Or if I… I don’t know… if I invite him to stay at my place for the night?” 

Of course, there was no real weight to your words. Ben was simply a good friend, but damn if you didn’t enjoy the way Miguel’s eyes twitched.

Finally snapping, a low growl rumbled within his chest, his hands shooting out to grab your waist. You were cold to the touch, the ice to his fire, as his fingers curled over your back, shoving you up against the wall behind his desk. As if on instinct, your hands came to clutch at his broad shoulders.

You smiled, wide and triumphant. You’d finally broke him. 

“I’m going to kiss you now,” he gruffed, staring deep into your eyes to make sure you were alright with this. The last thing he wanted to do was make you uncomfortable. From your gleeful expression, Miguel could see that you were just the opposite. 

“Oka—mmph!” 

His lips slanted over yours, warm and rough, yet cold and soft at the same time. It was a kiss of starkly juxtaposing contrasts, heavy with months and months of unspoken yearning. His large nose brushed against your cheek, angling his face to kiss you harder—deeper. 

When one of your hands slithered up the back of his neck to tug at the roots of his dark hair, he sighed against your mouth, breaking the kiss to lean his forehead over yours.

“He was right,” said Miguel.

“Who was?”

“Peter. I do have feelings for you.”

You kissed the corner of his mouth, nudging your nose against his sharp cheekbone. “Really? I would’ve never guessed.” He surged forward to kiss you again, relishing in the way you just about melted into his touch. “If it wasn’t obvious already, I really like you, too.”

At your admission, Miguel beamed, loose and hesitant. “You still planning on asking Ben out to dinner and having him stay over at your place, then?”

You tapped a finger onto your chin, pretending to have a good, long think about it. “Give me a good reason to stay, and I won’t.” At Miguel’s slightly crestfallen expression, you patted his cheek, quick to say, “God, Miguel, I was just kidding. Ben and I are good friends. You and I, however… I wouldn’t exactly call you a friend—”

His lips met yours again, stealing the rest of your words from you. 

When you smiled into the kiss, he smiled back. It was a bit too early for love, sure, but Miguel already knew he was in too deep to back out.

He was falling in love with you. 

The thought terrified him to no end, but he merely kissed you harder, and clutched you all the closer to him.

[inkskinned]

yesterday while feverish i wrote about how boats can moor next to each other like pigeons, cooing with the gentle rap of water against their hull. you once said that that the way i see things - birds in the water, feathers in marina paint - was "childish and naive." you said i'd been misdiagnosed - "it can't all be adhd. you might be just kind of stupid and lazy."

i still do certain things like how you taught me - turn the pillow case inside out before putting it on. drive defensively. hate myself entirely.

the prompt for this poem is "mahler's fifth." i wish it wasn't, but mahler's fifth was our song. it ended up in my book. every person that knows your name has promised me they'll give you one swift rabbit punch, right to the face. dean read the book and showed up on my front porch, drenched in sweat from running the 8 miles at 4 in the morning. he was shaking. pacifist and gentle - he works with children - i'd never seen him furious. a punch isn't going to do it, he said, and then said i'm sorry. i had to come to see if you were okay.

mahler's fifth was mine first, like my girlhood. i like the way each movement piles onto the next movement, each instrument bleeding into the next. i like the horn version the best. before i met you, i danced to it on grass still-wet from sprinklers.

later you would tell me that the way you heard it was somehow better. you understood something in it that i couldn't quite wrap my fingers into. once, on our anniversary, you asked the classical music radio station to play it for us. we missed hearing it because we were fighting. one of the things people get wrong about abuse is that sometimes victims are, like, brutally aware of the stupidity of our situation. what do you mean that you thought i wasn't good enough for you? you? you're just... nothing.

sometimes people can pull the poetry out of your life. i watched my words become clothesline, and then thin out into kite twine. i watched you chew through every good syllable of me. so many good songs and places and moments were ruined. i am glad you didn't like most of my music - less to tie back to you.

but still mahler's fifth. the music swells, and i am 21 and throwing up in a bathroom on my birthday. a woman i will later refer to as lesbian jesus runs a cool hand down my back, her perfect pantsuit starch-pressed. she told me to leave you. she said - and this is true, and not an invention of rhyme or fantasy - i'm you from the future.

i am 22, and i got home from an award ceremony, and i remember you telling me - you act so proud of yourself when you're actually so fucking embarrassing. i took you to disney world. you took my virginity. i gave up visiting spain for a week with my family - i instead choose you, to spend the time just-cuddling. you called it "our fuck week." the music swells. it probably should have been a red flag that for about 3 years - i just gave up on crying. my grandfather died and you said nothing. my uncle died and you ghosted me for 3 weeks. you said i need to protect myself from your ongoing tragedy.

every so often i come back to the memory of one of our last afternoons in person. i had just told you that i wasn't going to law school, despite the free ride - i was going to join a creative writing program. master's in fine arts. i was going to finally do it - i was going to follow my dreams. this blog was already internet-famous. however reluctantly, i would occasionally refer to myself as a poet. i got into umass amherst's writing program for fiction authors. it is one of the the top 5 programs in the country.

wait are you seriously considering actually attending that? dumbfounded, you turned completely towards me in your seat. for the 3rd time in our relationship, you almost crashed the car. you actually want to be a writer?

the first time i went viral, it was for a poem i wrote about you:

he wants to say i love you but keeps it to goodnight because love will take some falling and she's afraid of heights.

every time i see that, i want to throw up. you weren't in love with me, you were in love with the control you had over me. a little truth though: i am afraid of heights. you caught a rabbitgirl and skinned her alive.

mahler's fifth still makes me sick.

give me that back. give me back music. give me back everything i had before you. give me back fearlessness. give me back bravery. give me back a scarless body.

give me back what you took from me.

[baeshijima]

— “hands off! i’m taken!”

for the first time in your drunken daze, you don't recognise your own husband.

CONTAINS : gn!reader, 983 wc, fluff, (attempts at) humour, mentions/reference of alcohol consumption

A/N : neuvillette is in pain (emotional) while you are in pain the morning after (literal).

it’s not often neuvillette finds free time amongst the seemingly endless piles of papers on his desk. when he does get some free-time, he always makes sure to treat you out to the places you most recently show interest in. however, these evenings out more often than not result in you having one too many drinks. (“it’s a rare evening date!” you would tut, waving a finger at him while your free hand holds the wine glass.)

he worries for you and your health after all, and he most definitely doesn't want you to experience these so-called "hangovers" you bemoan about as he coddles you through it all the mornings after.

and so what better way to help prevent such a tragedy than by putting a stop to it prematurely?

“hands off! i’m taken!”

…or so he thought.

regardless, that doesn’t change the fact neuvillette now stands in the middle of one of the (now quite humid) private rooms in the upper floor of hotel debord, clutching his stinging hand close to his chest while staring at your huffing form in a mixture of hurt and shock. he blinks once, twice, thrice as he slowly begins to process your words — or, lack of.

“pardon?”

“i said,” you stress, narrowing your gaze at him as you begin to sit up, “hands off! i’ll have you know i’m happily married to the loveliest, most beautifulest man in teyvat and i don’t need some… some meddlesome old creep trying to get in between that.”

were this quite literally any other day besides one you were drunk on, neuvillette would be jumping for joy over the moon (metaphorical… probably) and documenting this moment in his diary he keeps safe and secured in a locked drawer under his desk, positively cooing and sighing in pure adoration at your adorable self.

(he also doesn’t have the heart to tell you beautifulest isn’t exactly a real word, but he’s flattered all the same. and it makes you that much more adorable in his eyes.)

alas, this isn’t any other day. no, instead it is a day which marks his drunk spouse being unable to identify their own husband, and your intoxicated words render him silent. 

now, don’t get him wrong, he’s glad you are, for a lack of better words, raring to defend your marital status and honour when intoxicated. however…

‘meddlesome old creep’? is that how he appears? he thought he looked quite dashing this evening, what with the way you sang his praises after he got himself dressed and questioned if you were actually married to one another.

then again, he supposes it’s still accurate to say you’re still questioning whether or not he is your husband. just not in the joking manner you initially did.

seeing how you’ve begun to grow a little restless with his prolonged silence, neuvillette awkwardly clears his throat and begins in what he hopes is a tone which masks the minor betrayal your words caused. “i’m glad you feel that way about our marriage, mon cœur, but—”

“stop!” neuvillette’s mouth instantly ceases movement. “how… how dare you, a stranger, call me that! just who… who do you think you are? my husband?”

“actually, i am.”

you blink at him. “you’re what?”

“i am your husband. neuvillette.” in all honesty, he doesn’t know why he’s nervous. perhaps it’s your scrutinising gaze causing him to sweat, taking him back to the first days when he could finally put a name to the emotions you brought out from within him — ones which have never weakened, but only seem to grow stronger as the days pass by. his hands clam up, and he’s glad you can’t see him wiping his palms against the fabric of his clothes from where you sit. even when you’re drunk, you tend to remember the most random moments. more often than not, they end up being in some relation to him.

(neuvillette laments the times where you only remembered his brief loss of composure.)

after a few more agonising seconds of staring, you speak up once more. “you’re lying.”

there are many things neuvillette wishes to say in response — such as showing your wedding rings, pulling out the small polaroid of you both nestled within his inner coat pocket, recalling the first day you met, the first day you talked, the first “thank you” you ever said to him, the first—

quickly, he snaps himself out of this spiral. just in the nick of time too, for you open your mouth to say something else. “my neuvillette is cute and lovely and pretty and everything a person could only dream to have.”

is he not cute right now? is he not lovely and pretty right now? is he not everything a person could only dream to have right now? what makes the him through your drunken lens so different to the him in your memories?

against his better judgement, he decides to ask the big question.

“then… may i ask what i am?”

“a liar.” and, as if to rub salt in the wound, you add, “i don’t like liars.”

neuvillette feels as though he could cry.

(when you awoke to a pounding headache the next morning, the last thing you expected was your husband brooding on the edge of the bed, his back facing you as he mumbled something along the lines of, “i would lie for you… not to you…” though it was a little hard to tell amidst the incessant pitter-patter of rain against the window.

despite racking your brain in an effort to figure out what caused him to be in such a state in the first place, the only things you remembered from last night were him wiping his hands on his clothes, as well as him looking as though someone slapped him across the face.

yeah. perhaps it is best you don’t tell him that.)

mon cœur = my heart, which can be read as my sweetheart/other half/life, etc.

if you enjoyed this, then reblogs with/or comments are greatly appreciated !! <33

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[feral-ballad]

“My name is Nour Saqer, for the name remains when all is lost. I turned 22 years old last November. Yes. My youthful time was wasted on horrible days. Yes. Those days still continue.

My name is Nour Saqer. And I am 22 years old. I am a fifth-year dental student at Al-Azhar University of Gaza. I am an aspiring student. I am eager and passionate about my studies. Until the last minute, I was allowed to stay at my house on Oct. 7th. 2023 I was still working on a scientific research proposal that was supposed to be published by me and my teammates of young researchers late in November, that year.

This picture of me was taken late 2022 during an international dental conference held in campus.

During my college years alone. Me and my family have had to forcefully evacuate, and run out of our house four times. In 2019, 2021, 2022, and finally in 2023. Each time was in fear of the same threat; meeting our deaths under rubble. My name is Nour Saqer. And I have always been a Gazan. Each of those past times. If we were fortunate enough, we would discover that our home was in repairable damage. There would be a roof over our heads still. We were still fortunate. We still had luck.

But ever since October 7th. I haven't returned home. We were among the first families to evacuate Al-Rimal neighborhood from the very first day of this genocide, we had to turn our backs to it and expect no return. Two floors of my family house, along with my father's store, and only source of income, have been severely destructed due to neighboring missiles. And my university buildings were heavily exploded. All forms of life have been reaped from my city. My hometown.

This is what's left of our campus. I was supposed to have my graduation ceremony here.

My name is Nour Saqer. And I had an enthusiastic heart. And an energetic body. I played sports and walked down every street until I couldn't. I loved my family and friends dearly. I wrote poems about them. I spent time loving them and cherishing their presence. I loved life with all its little things. With all its unattainable things. I loved the grass and the tall buildings. And I loved all people. I loved my people. All their faces. All their talents. All their hidden lives. All we shared. Until we didn't. Everything I have ever loved I lost.

This picture of me was taken during a happy moment on the roof of our house.

This is all that is left of that picture now.

I am currently sheltered in Rafah with my family of 7. Sharing a place with 30 other homeless people. By the end of Ramadan, me and my family would have to evacuate and seek shelter for yet the 8th time due to housing problems. I am so tired of not having any sense of stability. Nothing to guarantee. Nothing to call my own. Every passing minute the situation in Rafah gets worse. Every passing minute I am losing loved ones and relatives. Every passing minute costs me my sanity. Costs me health. Costs me my basic rights to simply live.

I have nothing left to lose or pay the price with except for my life.

I don’t know how to retell my life story in limited words, how to make the most ordinary moments sound precious. How do I equate my value to someone deserving a life of safety? How do I shape myself as someone worth saving?

I have been interviewing myself for days. All my stories are choking me. All my grief is piling up and muting me. I keep trying to find a way to present the best of myself. To make myself someone you'd want to look at. Listen to. And even more,

Help.

I am finally placing both hope and faith in your helpful hands. I am asking you. Please put an end to this continuing tragedy. And help me get to safety. Before it's too late.

It should be in your knowledge that:

It costs $5,000 per person to get out of Rafah through the Boarder Crossing to Egypt. The rest of the donations will be to secure my tution money for the fifth and final year of dental school.

Thank you.”

[makingqueerhistory]

Spooky Queer Books

Since spooky season is starting, I thought I would share a list of my favourite queer books that are great for this time of year.

Some of these links are affiliate links.

It Came from the Closet: Queer Reflections on Horror

Joe Vallese

Horror movies hold a complicated space in the hearts of the queer community: historically misogynist, and often homo- and transphobic, the genre has also been inadvertently feminist and open to subversive readings. Common tropes--such as the circumspect and resilient "final girl," body possession, costumed villains, secret identities, and things that lurk in the closet--spark moments of eerie familiarity and affective connection. Still, viewers often remain tasked with reading themselves into beloved films, seeking out characters and set pieces that speak to, mirror, and parallel the unique ways queerness encounters the world.It Came from the Closet features twenty-five essays by writers speaking to this relationship, through connections both empowering and oppressive. From Carmen Maria Machado on Jennifer's Body, Jude Ellison S. Doyle on In My Skin, Addie Tsai on Dead Ringers, and many more, these conversations convey the rich reciprocity between queerness and horror.

Into the Drowning Deep

Mira Grant

The ocean is home to many myths, But some are deadly... Seven years ago the Atargatis set off on a voyage to the Mariana Trench to film a mockumentary bringing to life ancient sea creatures of legend. It was lost at sea with all hands. Some have called it a hoax; others have called it a tragedy. Now a new crew has been assembled. But this time they're not out to entertain. Some seek to validate their life's work. Some seek the greatest hunt of all. Some seek the truth. But for the ambitious young scientist Victoria Stewart this is a voyage to uncover the fate of the sister she lost. Whatever the truth may be, it will only be found below the waves. But the secrets of the deep come with a price.

The Devouring Gray

C. L. Herman

After her sister's death, seventeen-year-old Violet Saunders finds herself dragged to Four Paths, New York. Violet may be a newcomer, but she soon learns her mother isn't: They belong to one of the revered founding families of the town, where stone bells hang above every doorway and danger lurks in the depths of the woods. Justin Hawthorne's bloodline has protected Four Paths for generations from the Gray--a lifeless dimension that imprisons a brutal monster. After Justin fails to inherit his family's powers, his mother is determined to keep this humiliation a secret. But Justin can't let go of the future he was promised and the town he swore to protect. Ever since Harper Carlisle lost her hand to an accident that left her stranded in the Gray for days, she has vowed revenge on the person who abandoned her: Justin Hawthorne. There are ripples of dissent in Four Paths, and Harper seizes an opportunity to take down the Hawthornes and change her destiny--to what extent, even she doesn't yet know. The Gray is growing stronger every day, and its victims are piling up. When Violet accidentally unleashes the monster, all three must band together with the other Founders to unearth the dark truths behind their families' abilities...before the Gray devours them all.

Tell Me I'm Worthless

Alison Rumfitt

Three years ago, Alice spent one night in an abandoned house with her friends, Ila and Hannah. Since then, Alice's life has spiraled. She lives a haunted existence, selling videos of herself for money, going to parties she hates, drinking herself to sleep. Memories of that night torment Alice, but when Ila asks her to return to the House, to go past the KEEP OUT sign and over the sick earth where teenagers dare each other to venture, Alice knows she must go. Together, Alice and Ila must face the horrors that happened there, must pull themselves apart from the inside out, put their differences aside, and try to rescue Hannah, whom the House has chosen to make its own. Cutting, disruptive, and darkly funny, Tell Me I'm Worthless is a vital work of trans fiction that examines the devastating effects of trauma and how fascism makes us destroy ourselves and each other.

[punksocks]

Please pick the picture that resonates with you, that gives you sort of that subconscious pull. The picture with the most weight behind it.

This didn’t quite turn out how I expected but I do like the results ! Everything may not resonate perfectly because they’re general readings, but please comment which pile resonates with you the most, and your thoughts after your reading <3

Why do people stare at you?

*****

-Pile 1: People stare at you because you have this air of authority. You may have been through a lot of heavy life experiences, a lot of tragedy and betrayal from those you’re closest to. (I had a hard time writing out the words for this one- some of your may still really struggle with the weight of what you’ve endured.) But you’ve made a lot of progress in overcoming this. You’ll get your just deserts and you’ll never have to look back at this betrayal again. You know how to build a way out for yourself and that empresses a lot people and gives you a naturally regal air (I misspelled this in my notes too lol, confirmation). You still manage to be kind and generous despite your wounds from what you’ve endured. If you have the mean, financial or otherwise, you use them to be a good person. You’re at the end of a cycle of suffering and people find your strength poetic. You’ve gotten through so much so successfully, it leaves people enamored and they want to honor how you’ve done it (ok I was going to write hear over honor but it felt too important to correct, this confirms how you’re coming out of this on top). You work so hard, endlessly, people are in awe of your stamina and want to know what you’re doing next. You’re a very passionate person, people love your ambitions and how you always have energy to create and expand and work (Do you have fire signs in your big 6? Especially Aries?). You’re the life of the party ! You may be a heartbreaker as well. People want to work with you to see what you know (Possible Capricorn energy, especially Ascendant). People don’t think they’ll measure up to your -steep- standards, but they love to shoot their shot anyway (my notes say to be your lover, but I can’t type that outright lol). You have boss babe energy and people want a shot at proving themselves to you (proving that they can keep up with you, even when they /know/ they can’t). They get scared at the possibility of fumbling you (bruh the way I sucked my teeth on accident, this doesn’t impress you lol). They think their worlds will fall apart if they have you and screw it up (Scorpio/Pluto placement vibes?) People see you as rich, wealthy, abundant (financially, rich in resources, energy even, any of that). They see you as very ambitious and they wonder if they can keep up without falling behind or getting jealous. People dispare over the thought of keeping up with you because they know they can’t match you (*despair, but this may indicate experiencing ghosting for some of you. Also emphasis on Aries energy again). You do all of this while prioritizing your self care and happiness. Good for you Pile 1! Don’t slow down or neglect yourself on behalf of anyone. Someone that knows how to match you will come into your life if they haven’t already. Ancestors/ guides/ however you prefer to refer to them as say they’re proud of you but you’ve got to release all of those people that want you to slow down for them— they’re dead weight (damn, stone cold, as you should be).

Songs:

******

-Pile 2: people stare at you because you’re super major! My brain went to a valley girl accent so people may regularly under estimate you pile 2 (major Elle Woods from Legally Blonde vibes). They may assume you’re a bit vapid or superficial but you contain multitudes and you have some seriously strong boundaries. The Emperor came out from 2 different decks! You’re often the smartest person in the room, and you really don’t care about your haters, you couldn’t care less about them because you know they’re below you. (Impressive, a lot of people have to work on healthily embracing their ego, you’re balanced in this and that’s commendable.) People stare at your naturally regal presence ‘I look expensive’ I’d what I just heard. You are really luxurious (in small and big ways - luxury can also mean never treating yourself less than you deserve.) People may try to steal attention from you but you know they’re grasping at straws. You don’t let them phase you. Like grounded Libra energy. You may be a bit older, some of you have Libra conjunct outer planets. Like Pluto, so there’s a lot of depth to your grace and charm. At the beginning (of the reading) the original Venus song, from the 60s, played. You may also be drawn to a vintage/classic style and this adds to your charm. The fact that you know when to pause and rest helps make you so unstoppable. You’re a very balanced person, strong Libra energy. You channel being balanced into making things happen (‘making money moves’). I thought of my Grandma (my favorite Libra tbh) very demure, classical lady, but she could move mountains when she set her mind to it. You have a razor sharp intuition too, you always know ‘when to hold ‘em and when to fold em’ (do some of you like country music? Lol) You know how to get your wishes fulfilled. You may be older (gen X) or you just have really mature vibes for your age. You’ve probably transformed a lot to get to this point in your life as well. I’m happy for you and your guides are proud of how far you’ve come (and how far you’ll go)

Cosmia by Joanna Newsom

******

-Pile 3: Hello my pile 3’s, your guides had a lot they wanted to say to you and I had to switch pens bc my first one ran out. I get the feeling that you rushed into a new opportunity lately. A situation that you thought you wished for but it broke your heart. Could be a relationship or a job, something that you hoped would solve your woes but brought you more head and heart ache than you expected. This was a challenging period but people are staring because they can see hope and optimism coming back to you. ‘The sun will shine on another day’ I heard. (Either you’re realizing this or your guides need you to know this truth.) The Sun, The Star, and the Ace of Swords all came out so you’re really being called to stay optimistic because things will get better is what I’m getting. You’re gaining more abundance after a hard period and you’ve been weighed down by a lot of burdens (too many !). But this cycle is ending and is calling on you to listen to the knowledge you already know. You’re growing into your emotional understanding and overall this pushed growth is for the best. You’re learning you’re your own expert guide. You know what you want and need the best out of everyone. People can tell you’re changing and you’re not who you used to be.

[dalliancekay]

Double Standards

I'm having thoughts.

You know how women are generally (almost always) held to higher standards than men? This also goes for people who are seen as good vs bad. If an overall good person (or a woman) in public eye does something even a little bit out of line, they get crucified. But if someone who is perceived as something of a bad (boy, it's basically always a man*) does something good, the praises are never ending. I'm afraid this has seeped into the way Aziraphale and Crowley are sometimes perceived. The good one (a literal angel no less) is absolutely forbidden to make mistakes or say anything out of line (I forgive you definitely counts) while the bad one (yes, I mean the demon with the golden heart) is not really blamed for anything, cos he's supposed to be bad, right? Anything good he does or feels is a bonus point.

That's. That's not how this should work. They are both beautifully flawed, evolving beings, in love with one another trying to keep each other safe in a hostile environment with uncertain rules.

Aziraphale is NOT BEING PURSUED by Crowley and is not being held back by the love of his toxic family (and/or his inner objections to being in love with a demon) he doesn't have the courage to abandon. Aziraphale is not a damsel in distress Crowley is rescuing. I thought Aziraphale admitting that he enjoys being rescued because it makes Crowley happy was proof enough but apparently not.

Just because they enjoy giving each other the things they didn't get to feel from their homes/jobs - Crowley being needed and Aziraphale being appreciated, doesn't mean they aren't fully functional separate beings.

Are they better together? YES But there is no one right or wrong here. They've been dealt a really bad hand at cards and they are trying their best. Aziraphale doesn't need to do anything to deserve Crowley (this is an extremely flawed relationship trope). He is already loved, he is already enough. And the SAME is true the other way round. Aziraphale is not holding out to some future Crowley who will be a better version to who he is now (or being an angel again!!) Aziraphale loves him just as he is.

Their problem is not with each other. It never has been. Their problems all stem from the fact that their existence, although in principle they are immortal, is not really all that secure. Especially not if they want to spend time together. And they do. So their problems pile up. This is their tragedy. And also why their love story is so compelling. Not because one is better or will change or abandon everything to be with their lover. But because they are imperfect in very bad, often scary situations and they are drawn to each other, and care for each other above everything else. That's why Crowley wanted to stay and that's why Aziraphale had to leave.

*I'm sorry to have used terminology for cis people in my examples, but these are what we generally perceive in public life and media - at least we do for now. I do adore my NB and trans friends - hopefully their representation will brighten the future in these things as discussed above soon.

[neptunes-sol-angel]

Pick the picture(s) that you're drawn to the most, then scroll down for its corresponding message for insight on what's next for you in love.

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Pile One ♡

I strongly feel that most people in this pile would be considered as someone who is inexperienced in love, maybe you guys are bookworms, maladaptive daydreamers, and writers yourselves when it comes to visualizing your future, different settings for how the world could be, and breathing life into the people that you haven’t gotten the chance or time to get to know yet. What’s next for you in love, is practice. You’re upgrading from being Bambi by becoming the Great Prince of the Forest by taking risks before you are able to know and find what is right for you. Some of you may believe in holding yourself tightly before you meet “the one” but the message is that you are being unfair to yourself by putting your life on hold to revolve it around someone who is also learning too, but isn’t waiting like you are doing. This doesn’t mean to be reckless or to feel coerced into going along with people you don’t have a good feeling about just for the sake of finally being in a relationship. This stage is about exploration and enjoying yourself before you meet your life partner. If you resonate with being a bookworm, you could be the type to read romantic fictional stories on a platform like wattpad, and while it serves its purpose which is to make you feel good, it could create an irregular perception of love for you, like subconsciously romanticizing traits that are toxic or wouldn’t be something that you would actually like if you were to actually experience it. For some, it could be re-evaluating your attraction to individuals, like when you crush on someone, you could find that they really look good, but do you yearn for more from them? Your path in love could be redirecting you to pay attention to how a person makes you feel than what you get from them on a surface level of interaction.

Pile Two ♡

There was someone in your life that you once felt like you couldn’t live without or took something from you that seemed irretrievable, but you’re being blessed in a way that’s shutting all of those lies down. You’re getting you back, in whichever way that it applies. This could be your motivation to take care of yourself, to do things that made you feel happy and at peace before this dwindle ending happened, like going to the gym, arts & craft, writing, solo trips or going out with friends, and even something simple as such as looking good for yourself, but it’s not limited to what was mentioned. This could even look like getting closer to who your deity or deities and spiritual maintenance. The best way that I can describe this, is that this phase in love is like this big circle of energy, stuff that was taken or borrowed from you, that’s being marinated before it is returned because it isn’t just aspects from the past, it’s also the time for creation. This whole entire time, your rain of tears that were collected from this heartbreak were observed yet not ignored, but transmuted into this empire that you’re building off of the corpses of failures that you’ve experienced with not just people but life circumstances, maybe when that break up happened it just seemed that more tragedies kept following you after that and it drove you into insanity like when does this pain ever end? Although you can’t forget about it, you’re learning how to soften from these things that stung you in the past, so that you can keep moving and consolidate your wishes. For some, this is personal, and an era that you’d like to be selfish with in order to see what else you can create, like developing a strong daily routine, starting that business, or maybe even working on yourself so that you can heal others, while the other side of this collective will open their hearts again to a new love which can be romance, friendship, or even adoption that is just as equally healing.

Pile Three ♡

The next thing in love for you is learning how to stop trying to win. I’m picking up multiple scenarios for this but the premise is that people in this pile are in love situations where there is no winner, and if there is, let the other person be the one to have it so that you can walk away and stop blocking yourself from better to come in. Some of you are in a long battle with a person by competing with them on who has the upperhand in the situationship, this involves the runner and chaser dynamic constantly reversing and both of you keeping tabs on each other when you’re supposed to be in no contact. The second scenario is sticking beside someone who has a wandering eye but trying relentlessly to get this person to choose you the way that you choose them. The third scenario is in general, trying to prove yourself in order to gain love from others by manipulating yourself and even them to win their affection. There is this storm brewing, you can even call this a tower moment, that could happen to finally get you to see the many ways that you are downplaying yourself with people who have stayed in your space and energy for far too long. You’re going to surrender from these situations to know what it means to pick yourself up and see how beautiful and worthy you are to the extent where you’ll be baffled by how much you’ve been settling for people who don’t deserve you. This phase will come with new connections, but what makes it different is realizing your authority in this by realizing how possible and freeing it is to choose people that choose you. Once you realize that you’re the prize in this game, let the winner take pride in being the fumbler, and be proud of yourself for not being the one to fumble you.

[strangerthingssteddiebrainrot]

A little ficlet I was just inspired to write at 1am lol

Listen

Despite dating a rockstar, Steve was a pretty private person. Whenever he went with Eddie and the boys on tour, he'd wear sunglasses regardless of the actual weather conditions. Sometimes even a hat if he was really done with nosy reporters trying to figure out what his connection to Corroded Coffins lead singer was.

But it's been a long time since '89 when the band first took off and in the glorious year of 1999 they were finally outed by a reporter disguised as a waiter at the restaurant they were eating at and got a picture of them kissing if the corner of the private booth they were hiding in. Sales and the band's popularity took a hit sure, but so many new fans, freaks and outcasts and people just like them filled the void that they actually bounced back with more popularity than ever before. So Eddie and Steve agreed to do an interview on a daytime talk show, set the record straight and talk about themselves and their relationship openly for the first time. They talked about how high school cliques nearly kept them apart, but the spring break of '86, for all its tragedy and death and near death, brought them together and they worked hard to stay together. A true love story if there ever was one. It was freeing actually, finally being able to be open and Out, and if their love helped people, that was just a bonus.

Which is how no one, not even Eddie or the band knew about Steve's voice. He'd never been a singer, too insecure and beaten down to trust that he was actually good at something besides swinging a bat (and an ax, and Molotov cocktails). It was something he was working on, but change doesn't happen overnight and even now, in his early thirties, he still had never revealed his hidden talent to anyone other than Robin. And like, it's not like she ever said anything either! They sang sometimes back when they lived in each other's back pocket and she never said he was good, so he just assumed he was not terrible! Maybe the fact that she had a crush on Tammy Thompson and her 'muppet giving birth' singing should have been a clue. Steve just thought love made you blind.

So when, during the encore performance of Corroded Coffins latest show, Eddie gestures to him to come on stage, Steve tried to refuse at first. He waved him off laughing, but Eddie was persistent and the crowd caught on, chanting his name to come onstage. So he gave in, and god did he stick out like a sore thumb, light washed Levi's with a navy Henley, glasses on cause he had a migraine the day before from squinting at everything, it the crowd still cheered when he appeared, Eddie smiled at him all dimples and the guys gave an exaggerated slow clap at finally getting him onstage.

Eddie took his hand, the other one still holding his mike, and the band started up a cover of Tainted Love, one of the few songs that both Eddie and Steve agreed kicked ass. Maybe the lyrics didn't really reflect how they feel for each other, but watching Eddie sing to Steve, there was no doubt the man was very much in love. And when he held up the mike to Steve on the second chorus, Steve couldn't help but sing.

And oh, how Eddie's face dropped into open mouth shock, Steve had to catch his hand to keep the mike level. A quick glance showed the rest of the boys looked just as shocked, the music only continuing by pure muscle memory. Steve almost stopped singing, panicked that he was ruining the show with his voice, but the crowd was going wild and he could see the cameras flashing, and Eddie, Eddie was coming in close, the chorus over and he leaned in to Steve's ear and shouted, "don't stop!" So he didn't. And they finished the song together and thank god it was the last song in their set. So when Eddie pulled away and gave his goodbye with the rest of the band, Steve quickly walked offstage and headed to the green room, heart pounding a mile a minute.

It wasn't too long before the rest of the band piled in, and Eddie ran right to him, grabbing his face and kissing him hard.

Finally pulling away after too short a time, Eddie beamed at him. "How the fuck did I not know that you can sing?!"

Mind still a little scrambled from the kiss, Steve took a moment to answer. "Huh?"

Not the most eloquent, but he was still reeling from the loss of those lips against his own.

"Yeah man, when Ed said he was gonna pull you on stage, not gonna lie, I thought you were gonna sound awful." Garath said, earning a smack on the head from Jeff and Martin (unnamed freak).

"Not how I would've put it, but, I thought there was a reason you never sang with us before. So yeah, that was an unexpected surprise." Jeff smoothed over, knowing that so sometimes Steve's insecurities got the better if him, having mediated several fights between him and Eddie in the past.

"Holy shit baby, you were so good! I almost didn't remember to sing cause I was too busy falling even more in love with the most perfect man on earth!" Eddie gushed, gently shaking Steve by his shoulders.

"Cute, but also, get a room guys." Martin laughed. "But seriously Steve, you have a good voice. I don't know why we've been hiring background singers for some of our songs when we could've just had you do it instead."

"Oh, well, I-I don't know. I never thought I was a good singer yeah? Not for like, performing? I just wanted to kinda, ride the high of tonight, if that makes sense." Steve said, blushing and a little overwhelmed at the attention, but trying to embrace it and take the genuine compliments he was getting (something he struggled to do on a daily basis, neglectful parents having left their mark).

"First of all, bite me Martin," throwing his band mate the finger, Eddie was still beaming which softened the blow, the others laughing at him. "and second, Stevie, baby, you sound amazing! Light, but still raspy and sexy as hell." Giving him a peck on the cheek, Eddie whispered in his ear. "Gonna sing for me later big boy? In bed maybe?"

And what could Steve say to that? So he just pulled Eddie in for more kisses, deepening them regardless of the guys complaining.

The next day, the picture that was making waves in the music community was of Steve singing into the mike, Eddie looking at him with starts in his eyes and his face completely lovestruck.

@steddieassheg0es @oakenorcrist

[definitelynotafurinasimp]

Partner

How she falls in love with you & how you ask her out

characters: Navia x gn!reader

warnings: none, just fluff

a/n: I may or may not be down bad tremendously for Navia...

Anyway, hope you enjoy!

Navia

Falling in love with you was spectacularly unspectacular. In retrospect, there wasn’t a single moment Navia could point to while confidently stating it was the one she realized she was in love, no heroic deed or grand speech that suddenly made her look at you in a completely different light. Instead, her feelings for you were more akin to a collection of small pieces that slowly but surely piling up until they had become too obvious for her to overlook. 

Like how Navia could catch you silently doing tasks she despised without her having to mention it or how you instinctively moved your hand into a position from where you could easily catch her hat whenever a gust of wind caught both of you off-guard. All of which you did without ever mentioning it or expecting any kind of thanks, simply chalking it up to coincidence or downplaying it whenever she spoke up about it.

Looking back on the past week, it was difficult for Navia to describe it in any nicer way than “taxing”. Sure, it had neither catastrophe nor tragedy, and yet the constant gray skies, coupled with a sudden increase in the Spina’s workload took a toll on everyone in Poisson. As the week went on, it became more and more difficult to put on a smile, even for someone like Navia, so much so that the only thing she had to offer upon finally finishing her work was a deep sigh.

So she sat there, in her office, leaning back in her chair as much as she possibly could. Eyes closed as she hoped to maybe get the chance to dream a bit. And yet, as it finally seemed like she was about to nod off, a knock on her door startled her awake. Within a blink of an eye, her tired posture had given way as she sat down properly before calling whoever found themselves on the other side of the door inside her office. 

“I’m sorry for butting in, I hope I’m not being a nuisance”, you apologized politely before offering Navia a small smile. “The past week has been rough, so if you want to be alone right now I can leave.”

“Please, there’s no reason to think that. I was hoping you’d show up, partner. So come, take a seat”, her words instantly began flying out of her mouth as the corner of her lips shifted upwards, only for her to freeze a bit once she went over what she had said, eyes slightly widening as her gaze fixated on your face, trying to make out your reaction, no matter how small it was.

“I’m sorry, I won’t be able to do that. I still have a bit of work to do. I was just passing by and thought I might as well ask you something real quick”, you hastily explained, wearing an apologetic smile, only for it to vanish in the very next moment as you grew increasingly more nervous. “Are you on sunday? A friend of mine is going to perform in the Opera Epiclese and I wanted to go, so…”, your voice died down as your cheeks turned just red enough for Navia to notice. “Do you want to go together?”

As a tense silence settled into the room, you found it increasingly more difficult to keep a somewhat composed face, a part of your brain urging you to simply vanish as another screamed at you, and yet, when you finally found the courage to glance at Navia’s face only to see her stare at you with a wide smile, her mouth slightly open as if she was trying to say something yet couldn’t find the right words, you suddenly relaxed.

“Sure, it’s a date! I look forward to it.”

Within a moment you found yourself smiling at her in return, nodding your head before readying to leave the room and finish your work so you could start preparing as soon as possible. “Until Sunday then, partner”, you said your goodbye before closing the door behind you, leaving behind a Navia that suddenly felt full with energy again, all the exhaustion that had built up over the week gone to the wind as she instantly sprang into action.

“Until Sunday, partner…”

[tadpolesonalgae]

Mer!Azriel x reader: The Dregs of Tragedy - Part 2

A/N: We’re going H2O Just Add Water here

Warnings: drowning

Word Count: 4,143

-Part 1- -Part 3-

——————————————————————————————————————————————

Tendrils of mist curl before you, cooling breath icing with the freezing temperature of the cave. Death is seeping into your bones—you can feel it. Life is steadily draining from your numbing limbs, alone and cold in a subterranean cave. What you wouldn’t give for a fire, or some other clothes, having discarded the sodden fabric in attempts to dry faster.

How long has passed since the mer left the tunnels? You never even learned his name—if the mer have names your tongue could pronounce. How do fish even communicate? You’ve never considered it before, having grown up with the screech of seagulls and the squeak of vermin. Sea-creatures have always had this innate connection to one another, shoals of fish automatically moving in synchronised rhythm.

It would be nice to have something like that, you think. To be so connected to other life forms communication isn’t entirely necessary, just being able to understand that movement is relentless and to know there is no wrong turn. To have absolute trust that everything will seamlessly connect.

A spasm wracks your lungs, briny sea-water dripping from your hair down onto numb shoulders. Death is coming swiftly, time ticking like the drip-drop of water to the slick stone beneath you. Either you stay here and die, or you venture the caves. He’d left with a warning; he had promised he’d return. But you’re not so disillusioned to trust the word of a mer, even if there’s a life connection between you now. You’d saved his life and he had protected yours, but there’s no trust. He has no reason to return, unless it’s once you’ve morphed to a corpse, where then cold hands will wrap around equally cold ankles, dragging your lifeless body into the icy pool to feast upon.

Warm-blooded animals like yourself like their food heated. Maybe his kind prefer theirs to be still. Cold, and stiff.

Throat rolls, and you get to your feet, nearly tripping over from being unable to move the frozen limbs. Ease deep breaths into your lungs—movement will be key to your survival. Having grown up on fish, your blood will take longer to freeze than an inlanders, fluid and thin in your veins. Yet the extra minutes or hours you’re spared will mean nothing if you don’t put them to good use.

Slowly and with great pains, you unstick your fingers, stretching hard, frozen toes, preparing for the dive. At least you can be thankful for the stagnant air—a breeze would have only catalysed your death. Breathe steadily, keeping a regular pace as you stretch aching limbs, hoping to get the blood flowing again to stand a chance of surviving the stormy seas.

If you even make it back to open ocean.

Stretch out the muscle, shaking out limbs, curling toes and fingers. Jump stiffly on your feet, staring into the icy water. You wouldn’t be entirely surprised if it froze over the moment you dive in. But you can’t stay here, trapped on the whim of a mer. Your life is on your conditions, and you won’t wait around for someone else to dictate its end.

With a deep breath, you stare at the tunnels. Remembering which one the mer had taken to escape, but not which one he came in from. What are the odds he took the one that would lead back to the ocean? What if the one he took simply guides further into his layer? What if—?

Click your tongue. You won’t get anywhere examining these possibilities. What if, what if. Stand and stare into the water, eyeing up an opponent. The three dark entrances that lie submerged in icy water. There’s a good chance that diving in will result in your death, but it will be better to go in head first rather than wait for death to come to you. Pray to the gods for any aid they can spare before glancing at the heavy pile of clothes. They’ll only weigh you down, but the idea of diving into mer infested water so utterly bare…

Turn back to the lagoon, sea lit by that strange luminescent glow. It would be nice if you weren’t in such a dire predicament.

Slow your breaths, calming your heart rate. Sinking into a quiet headspace. Prepare for the shock of water.

And step into the pool.

Head pounds as the ice swallows you whole, burning at your eyelids, ears popping. Pressure squeezes at your ribs but you hold the breath tight, reaching for the edge of the rock, hoping you find the right tunnel. Flip onto your back once you locate the lip, pulling yourself along the ceiling by the ridge of your fingernails, as though climbing.

Heart picks up the beat, adrenaline kicking in as you propel yourself through the tunnel. Dread begins creeping in when you feel the downward slant of the cave ceiling, being ushered deeper instead out outward. But you can’t turn back now. All you can do is continue on the route you’ve picked, even as your lungs ache and knees catches on the rough rock. Jagged in places, as though designed to be cruel to human skin. Prickling and barbed as it scrapes and grazes.

Throat and eyes burn, air bubbling from your lips as you force yourself onward, muscles screaming and pounding, head being crushed beneath the insane pressure of the ocean. You won’t last longer. Even if you make it out of the cave, you know their layers are constructed far beneath the surface. You would have to swim to the top, and you hardly have enough energy to make it forward any longer.

Tears prick beneath your lids, limbs slowing as nostrils sting, salt water pressing in. Something stabs beneath your lungs, lips parting on a mandatory inhale, body demanding breath. Icy water gushes in, and you convulse, fingers trembling as you reach forward.

So this is what dying feels like.

Eyes crack open, but the scene is blurred no matter how much you blink, the heaviness is weighing you down. Sinking your cooling body.

Dropping like a millstone through ice.

————

Heavy eyes struggle to crack open, as if held shut by sticky salt.

Breath is flowing into your lungs, skin fresh and soft, as if bathed in milk and honey. Dried by tender hands. Fingers and toes move with ease, no longer cracking and numb from cold, warm cotton brushing against lovely bare skin, able to breathe freely.

Inhale deeply, looking around, but all you can make out is the faint glow of yellow-orange light, as if cast by an unmoving flame. Rock is above you, far up in the heights, and you realise you’re in yet another cave. Sigh heavily, resting back into the— Brows narrow, groaning quietly as you make to sit up, but your bones are still aching, lungs sore and tender. It must not have been a dream, the drowning.

Swallow heavily as you sit upright, keeping the thin cotton blanket to your chest, but the air is warm without being cloying. Around the floor of the cave lie soft blankets, spongey bed padding, and pillows. Your hair is wrapped in some soft material, a few still-damp strands curling at the nape. A few balls of light are dotted throughout the cave, like floating candles, suspended by nothing visible. In the centre of the cavern’s floor is a pool similar to the one in your last confinement, the beds thickly covering the stone surrounding the rock around it. You can’t even see the cave’s floor through all the padded bedspreads.

“You’re awake,” a familiar voice rasps.

Muscle tenses, clutching the cotton tighter to bare and tender skin, littered with small scrapes. Find the mer at the pool’s edge, half out of the water, droplets trickling down blue-tinted skin. His long tail sways idly in the water, lazing about as it swishes slowly from left to right. Powerful arms lay crossed over the lip of the lagoon, yet the fabric beneath him is dry. Brow tightens as you shift away from the edge, keeping the thin blanket close.

“What…Where am I?” You ask, voice scratchy from the salt-water. Charcoal eyes bore into you, lashes thick, inky hair curling at the ends as water drips from the strands. “You’re in the incubation chamber,” he rasps, resting his jaw on the pronounced muscle of his forearm. “Where all humans are brought that we wish to keep.”

You just stare at him for a moment, reeling. Wish to keep? “What do you mean?” You manage to mumble shakily, fingers tightening on the blanket. “All humans? What’s going on?” That translucent film slides across his large, onyx eyes, glittering beneath the warm lights. “You left the sacred caves and drowned, like I warned. You died, and now you’re here, changing,” he explains succinctly. Too succinctly.

“I… What?” You manage, scrambling to catch up. “What do you mean I drowned? Why am I changing? Tell me what’s happening.”

His tail flickers behind him, but his features remain neutral. The indentations on his neck seem to be healing already, only faint lines remaining where light incisions once lay. “You went into the caves,” he repeats, slower this time, as if speed was the problem. “And you drowned. Then I brought you here, to incubate. And now you’re changing.” You’re afraid to ask what into.

“I’m alive…” you say quietly, questioningly. Voicing your thoughts. He nods in confirmation anyway. “I died,” you say, in that same hushed voice. Again the mer nods. “And you brought me here, once I was dead,” you ask, beginning to loose the string of events. “To incubate,” he finishes.

Silence passes, and you lay back into the padded sheets, staring up at the ceiling.

“You said I’m changing,” you manage, hoarsely. “What into?”

“A mer,” he answers, voice soft and rasping. “One of my kind.” You just nod absently, taking in his words. Transformation is impossible, but they’re creatures of magic. A horrible thought dawns, and you fight off nausea. “Am I going to have to eat humans now?” You ask shakily, fingers trembling as you ease in calming breaths, staring up at the rocky ceiling far above. Shake your head. “I can’t eat humans,” you declare decisively, “I’ll starve.”

“We don’t eat humans,” he rasps, the swish of his tail through the water like a hushing lullaby. “Yes you do,” you breathe. “I saw you bite at my—… You bit Alaric’s neck. Bodies wash up on the shore half-eaten. I’ve seen what you do.”

“We don’t eat humans,” he repeats. “Or at least, we avoid it. They don’t taste nice.”

“We don’t taste nice,” you echo, picturing the half-eaten bodies of stolen sailors.

“They don’t taste nice,” he reminds quietly, “you aren’t entirely human anymore.”

You have nothing to say to that, so you lay there silently, listening to the steady swish of his tail as it waves idly through the lagoon. Water splashes with slow movement, then a wet hand touches your arm. You recoil, muscle tensing as you squirm onto your side, curling away from the— He’s warm.

Large, onyx eyes watch you quietly, fingers lightly brushing the skin of your upper arm. He notes your stare, pressing his hand closer to you, palm flat. “You’re changing,” he reminds, “you’re becoming more like us.” His lithe tail flicks behind him, then he retreats back to the waters lapping at the edge. A soft breath shudders from your lips. “So I’m…” You trail off, unable to form the words. “I’m becoming a mer?” You ask, voice trembling.

He nods. “That’s right.”

Slowly, warily, you relax back into the padded bed-spread, keeping the cotton over your chest. “I’m turning into a mer,” you repeat to yourself, hardly even a whisper. Mind catches on what he’d said earlier, a small part he’d mentioned. “You said—” Swallow thickly, trying not to think too hard about it. “You said all the humans are brought here. Who you wish to keep.” Hands ball tight, keeping out the tremors. “Keep for what? And what others?”

“Humans hate us for taking their workers,” the mer explains quietly. “Their hatred is learned from those who came before them. Ours is in response to their cruel methods of torture and mutilation.”

He pauses, and you wonder if it pains him. If he knows the extent of the pain inflicted upon them in your town. “Still, there are occasions, rare occasions, where a human will show their-self to be compassionate, and with our dwindling numbers, and struggles with reproducing, we take who we can,” he finishes. Silence stretches as you comprehend the information. Raise your palm to your forehead, feeling the beginnings of an ache. Release a heavy breath. “My husband’s going to kill me,” you whisper.

The mer’s tail flicks suddenly, and then his hand is again around your upper arm, drawing your attention. Dark, large eyes locking with fear-filled irises, not yet fully changed. “He won’t,” the mer rasps firmly. “And you won’t return to the town you came from. Not at least while they would be able to identify you.” You shift uncomfortably, but the mer holds still, not quite a grip, but his touch lacks the softness you’d like. “You take me from my home,” you say quietly, “leave me in a freezing cave, allow me to drown, and now I can’t even return to the place I grew up? Tell people I’m okay?”

Something passes through his gaze, almost like sorrow, but it’s gone too quickly for you to place. His touch lightens, but he doesn’t fully release you. “They kill us. You haven’t even fully changed, and will have no idea of how to swim. It will take weeks before your muscles fully form, and at least a dozen days before you can learn our ways of movement,” he explains calmly. “The young take mere hours, but you’ve spent decades as a human who walks. It won’t be simple to unlearn those habits.”

You’re poised to argue back, that it’s your home and you can’t just drop everything and leave—though it had kind of already ended the moment your husband saw you free him, but… “Decades?” You snap, sitting upright, turning to him. His hand falls away, and he remains peering up at you silently. Outrage is replaced by infantile concern, “do I look decades old?” You ask, one hand holding the thin blanket to your chest while the other traces the skin of your cheek. The sea air can be harsh to humans.

“Forgive me,” he hedges, noting your worry. “It’s polite to err on the side of caution when speaking of someone’s age.”

“I look older than decades?” You fret, staring at him with wide, horrified eyes. The mer are devastatingly beautiful…maybe humans are just ugly to them. That translucent film slides back and forth across his large, onyx gaze, the only sign of his comprehending he allows. “I forget humans prefer to be seen as younger,” he mutters, “so backward.”

Your brows narrow. “Is that not the case with your kind?” He gives you a look that reads you’re part of our kind now, but says nothing, instead answering your question. “Life experience is sought after, yes. Naiveté and innocence, while not inherently negative, are not attractive qualities like they sometimes are for humans,” he answers. You blink, vaguely surprised. Dangerously interested. “Humans do have a strange fixation on their young,” the mer mutters, as an afterthought.

“How old are you?” You ask, eyeing him warily. Dark eyes lift to your own, tail returning to idle swishes. “Thirty-three,” he answers. Brows raise with open surprise this time. You had expected centuries. The mer notes your expression. “In mer years,” he adds on. Suspicion coils in your belly as you shift, legs crossing as you turn to face him, keeping a little out of his reach. “And in human years?” You ask, cautiously. “Around five-hundred,” he answers simply, “give or take a few decades.”

Lips part in surprise, staring at him. The mer doesn’t budge beneath your stare, tail swaying calmly at his back, as if it’s nothing out of the ordinary. You suppose it wouldn’t be for him. “And me?” You manage to get out. “How old would I be in mer years?”

“If you had grown up as a mer?” He asks. You nod your confirmation, feeling a little silly for having your interest so easily captured. “How old are you?” He asks, peering up from the edge of the pool. Your lips purse, but answer him anyway. “Twenty-eight,” you reply, somewhat reluctantly.

“You’d be around four and a half centuries,” he says. You blink—the idea of making it past fifty…

“Having grown up as a human though,” he says, pulling your attention back down to him. “Their bodies mature faster than ours do, much more rapidly, and so they have shorter life spans. Arguably, physically, you are four and a half centuries old, simply lacking the experience of it all.”

“Oh,” you say, unsure how to respond. You’d known they were immortal, but it’s only really hitting you now.

Wince as your legs throb dully, the bones aching. Jaw tightens to keep the sound of pain in, eyes flicking to your concealed lower body. He’d said you were changing…how does that even work? Is it going to hurt? Fear prickles at your skin, concern etching itself into your features.

The mer at your side shifts, beginning to push away from the rock. “You should come in,” he says quietly, raspy voice slightly muffled by the wash of water rippling. “It will help with the ache.” Hesitantly, you raise the blanket, allowing you to peek beneath the cover. They seem fine, no tail in sight, yet the skin looks more lifeless than before. Drained of the warmth of daylight. What’s going to happen to you?

“Your bones will ache for a little. It’s how your body shows it’s changing. Think of it like growing pains,” he says, drawing closer to the edge again when he sees you aren’t immediately coming in. “Is it going to hurt?” You whisper, lowering the blanket, still pressing the cloth to your chest. The mer blinks quietly with those large, onyx eyes. “Temporarily,” he says at last, your heart sinking in your chest, a cool sweat breaking across your skin. “Badly?” You ask, unable to keep the fear from your voice.

He sighs. “It won’t be pleasant,” he answers. “Had this happened closer to the quarters of the moon’s cycle, it would be easier for you.” You turn to look at him then, brows scrunched in confusion. “During a new moon is when we are closer to humans, while during a full moon we are at our strongest, most primal selves. Tonight we are approaching a waning crescent—days from a new moon—so you will not be in unbearable pain, but neither will you be free of it.”

“You couldn’t have waited?” You ask quietly, but it lacks the bite you want to put in. Too exhausted from the events to be angry. “Where would I have stored you?” He asks, seemingly sincerely. “Our citadel is beneath the waters, where you would be unable to breathe. Had I left you…” He pauses, dark eyes glittering. “You tell me what they would have done.”

Throat rolls, but you remain silent.

The mer nods, then pushes off from the lip again, floating out into the water. Gestures for you to enter, “the water will help. Come in.” Your eyes flick to the pool, remembering its icy bite. How it had made your head pound. But your legs are aching more now, and you would like it to stop. “Do you have names?” You ask quietly, heartbeat picking up. He blinks once, then nods. Tongue flicks out to wet your lips, “what’s yours?” But he doesn’t answer, instead beckoning you in.

Warily, you move toward the lip of the pool, eyeing the water and keeping the blanket to your body. Dip your toes in, preparing for the icy shock, but to your surprise, it’s gentle. Verging on warm. A blink betrays your emotions, one he doesn’t miss. “You’re cold-blooded now,” he rasps, keeping his distance, “your perception of temperature has already begun to shift.”

Your brow narrows, hesitantly lowering your feet into the pool, hanging your legs over the rim of the rock, sitting at the edge. “What do you mean?” You ask, feeling some of the pressure in your bones wash away, as if soothed by the lull of the ocean. “The sea feels cold to humans, because they are accustomed to a higher temperature,” he answers, waiting for you to come deeper. You remain at the lip. “Our skin feels icy to human hands, because of our different heat levels. Now that you are changing, human hands will feel like burning coals, while fire will be unbearable.”

You take in the information dutifully, helping to keep your mind off the ache in your knees and thighs. The slight twinge in your hips and abdomen. He raises his hand again, goading you deeper. “Come in,” he rasps, “once you’re submerged, you’ll feel better.”

“But I’m…I have no clothes,” you reply, pulling the thin cotton sheet closer. He blinks again, at last swimming closer. Muscles tense, but you don’t pull away. He means no harm to you anymore—you’re unsure if he ever did.

“Does that bother you?” He asks, floating a little way from your feet. You watch him quietly, assessing his presence. Dip your head, “do mer not…” Fumble your words, struggling to articulate the weight of nudity. “It’s…very private,” you settle on, eyes lifting to his.

“But does it bother you?” He repeats, swimming closer still. You blink, readjusting your hold on the thin blanket. “Do you know what humans look like?” You divert.

The mer nods his head, “when the new moon comes, we can…” Shakes his head, sighing quietly. Gleaming onyx eyes latch gently with yours, expression softening. “yes, I know what a woman looks like.”

You don’t know why that sets your pulse racing.

He shakes his head, soft-looking mouth tugging upward at the edges. “Humans always have been so bizarre about clothing,” he murmurs to himself. Eyes again lift to yours, features neutral, verging on bland, yet there’s a tenderness there. It’s more of a shock than the icy water—a mer displaying care.

A blue-tinted hand raises from the water, and you tense when he sets it atop your knee, skin tingling at the brush of such a dangerous creature. “Put the sheet away,” he rasps, “the water’s lovely.” If you hadn’t known his throat was damaged from the wire, you would think he had put you under a spell, so easily coaxing you into desiring the raging ocean.

Heartbeat spikes, fingers tightening on the soft cotton, before loosening.

His eyes remain on yours, not even appearing tempted to stray. Simply holding your gaze as he floats in the pool, waiting for you to ready. Throat rolls as the air touches your skin—suddenly feeling hot and dry. Yearning for the soothing lap of the sea to wash and saturate. You push the blanket to the side, fully discarding the thin sheet, before raising your hands to your hair, letting it free of its binding.

Slowly, you easy toward the edge, the mer’s large palms rising higher to help you slide in, making sure the rock doesn’t catch on your tender skin. Especially when it’s already littered with small scratches and marks. Teeth push against your lower lip, tensing as you slide into the pool, the rough flat of his palms spanning your waist to keep you above the surface.

Automatically, you set your hands on the solid width of his shoulders, feet moving with the same idle movements as his tail. Inhale sharply at the proximity, not having anticipated how your heart would beat so wildly, being so close to such a dangerous creature.

Almost terrifying enough to be exhilarating.

The mer doesn’t smile, but the edges of his mouth soften ever so slightly, and you realise the aches along your bones have begun to recede, just as he’d said. Limbs remain a little stiff in places, but simply by being in the water, the pain has lessened. Breathe in softly, dipping your head ever so slightly, confused with the unfamiliar grounds. “Thank you…” you murmur, keeping your eyes on his, unable to shake the feelings of wariness that have been ingrained since a young age.

He’s supposed to be a vicious, flesh-shredding beast, and yet…

“Azriel,” he supplies. “My name is Azriel.”

You nod again. “Thank you, Azriel.”

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[serpentandthreads]

[Pick-A-Card] Are you a soldier, poet, or king?

[From left to right, pick one of three photos of roses + mirrors. Images found on pintrest.]

I've found several versions of this song, and all have been appealing to me. I figured, why not make a short and fun pick a card reading based on it? If y'all haven't listened to the song, feel free to go ahead and listen to it before picking an image.

[Pile One] The Poet

Uplifting Aspects: The Sun, Page of Cups, Seven of Swords (rv)

Young at heart and a soul much older, pile one are the poets. You are creative and have a unique charm to your personality. That charm comes in the form of optimism and having fun no matter what it is you do. This may draw attention to you, but take it as a compliment: you shine like the sun.

Some may think of you as naive and childish, but you are very self-aware. You know what you like and what brings you comfort. You are a dreamer. There are a dozen ideas for what path you want to walk in life, and it is so hard to choose just one so you try to live them all in some way. You often do this through your art.

Challenging Aspects: Strength (rv), Ace of Cups (rv), The Tower (rv)

Dear pile one, your joy and optimistic outlook on life may not come without some internal struggle. Your battles happen in your head with yourself. Poets seek to find the beauty in life and often will also find tragedy in it. This causes some fear and anxiety in you, but don't allow yourself to be paralyzed. You must learn not to be discouraged by this.

Self-doubt, imposter syndrome. You question yourself. Your abilities. The truth. Despite the reassurance you get from others, you still get that lingering "what if" in the back of your mind. Again, you can not allow yourself to be discouraged by this. You must move forward.

[Pile Two] The King

Uplifting Aspects: Ten of Wands, The Star, Five of Wands

Ambitious and honorable, pile two are the kings. You have a respectable sense of responsibility and will stop at nothing to achieve your goals. As a king personality, you tend to find yourself in the spotlight, but that is natural for you. You are a strong and intense presence. This can be intimidating yet admirable to others.

Competition and growth are what encourage you to keep moving forward. Even during times when you feel exhausted and ready to give up, there will always be a spark there to light you up again. Many admire you for your perseverance, and some envy you for it.

Challenging Aspects: Seven of Cups, Ace of Swords (rv), Seven of Wands

Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown. Your sense of duty can be both a blessing and a curse. You may frequently find yourself in situations where people look to you for answers. Sometimes, you may have them. There are also times when the options seem endless, and there are no true solutions to the problem at hand. Yet others expect you to make the hard choices.

Your neverending desire to achieve your goals may also come with a cost. You may sometimes find that others perceive you as cold and rigid, lacking in empathy. This may have cost you relationships of all kinds. Your competitive nature may have caused you trouble. Competition can bring out the best and worst in people.

[Pile Three] The Soldier

Uplifting Aspects: The Moon, Five of Cups (rv), Four of Swords

With an unbreakable spirit and the bravery to match, pile three are the soldiers. Many think of you as mysterious or closed off, but you're just mindful of where you use your energy. You're calculated and observant. All of this may result in you having very few relationships— it's not that you don't want meaningful relationships, you just see people for what they are.

Y'all are more likely to make peace with your past than poets and kings. Your sense of awareness is rather unique because, rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, you are more concerned about the present. You can't change the past, and you can never be too sure about the future, but you do have control over how you approach life now. In the moment.

Challenging Aspects: Knight of Wands, Ace of Wands, Queen of Pentacles

Your fighting spirit may come with a hot temper and impulsiveness. You may be quick to judge, or you may simply judge harshly. Best mind your words, pile three. They cut just as sharp as a sword.

Y'all may also find that you have difficulty expressing yourselves. Yes, you have opinions about others and are morally conscious about right and wrong. How do you feel, though? Can you name your emotions? You spend so much time perceiving others and predicting what others are going to do next that you may become disconnected with yourself. Ground yourselves, pile three.

Deck Used: Tarot of the Divine

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[damn-stark]

Chapter 2 Butterfly

Chapter 2 of Tragedy at the Miller’s

A/N- I LOVE LOVE ALL YOU GUYS WHO SHOWED THE FIRST CHAPTER SOME LOVE!! I hope you guys stick around and like this chapter!!

Warning- FLUFF :): angst, talks of violence, death and blood, swearing, long chapter.

Pairing- Joel Miller x daughter!reader, Henry x Fem!reader

Episode- 1x05 (half of it)

(If you want to be tagged let me know!)

————

*A FEW YEARS BACK*

Stench of flesh swirls in your nose, upsetting your stomach. Pained screams still ring in your ears. And slowly the more the fire eats away at their flesh, the more the infected and the former friends look alike—like nothing but a pile of bones.

It was the first time….the first time you’ve killed someone not turned into one of those monsters. An actual person. That realization doesn’t let you breathe or move; neither your limbs or your eyes.

“I told you to stay behind,” your dads voice breaks you away from the burning bodies.

You blink and look up at him as he turns to face you, and mutter in brittle voice, “daddy—”

“I told you to stay behind!” He bellows and strides over to you to grab you by your arms roughly.

You gasp at the roughness of his grip and the harshness of his voice. As you keep holding his gaze you see emotions he never directs at you; fierce anger that begins to scare you.

“Daddy,” you mutter and shake your head. “I…I was just trying to help you. I…I—”

“You disobeyed me,” he scolds you and grabs onto you tighter. “You could’ve gotten yourself hurt! You could’ve gotten yourself killed!”

You glance at the fire burning behind him, and begin to gape like a fish as you try to explain yourself to him through the shame and fear that begin to heighten at the realization of his words.

“I…” you mumble in a quivering voice. “I didn’t mean to, I just wanted to help,” you tell him again and meet his piercing glare. “I just wanted to help you, I saw them,” your voice breaks as tears form in your eyes. “I saw them, they were gonna hurt you! I just wanted to help you!”

“But you didn’t, did you?”

You gasp softly in disbelief, and feel your heart slowly sink at the sound of his sharp words.

“Joel?” You hear your uncle Tommy call.

You snap your watery gaze to him, and see him look down at the way your dad is grabbing onto you. He notices the anger, and slowly puts down his gun to look at your dad in disbelief. You proceed to pull away from your dad as his grip loosens and rush over to your uncle who welcomes you in a much more assuring and less angry way.

That’s when your dad realizes that his anger had gotten the best of him with you. Instead of trying to help you, trying to assure you, he snapped at you out of fear of his own.

“Y/n,” he calls out quietly. “I'm sorry.”

You step away from your uncle Tommy to face your dad, but still avert his gaze out of shame and slight fear. “It’s okay,” you mutter without truly thinking about it.

——

*NOW*

Sunlight dances on the flower patch down below, providing the fluttering butterflies with as much warmth as the sun can provide in the fall.

They’re peaceful insects, quiet and beautiful. Watching them just feed on the flower's nectar is calming in this cruel world, it’s one of the things that brings you peace.

Back in Jackson you grew a flower garden in the backyard of your house just to have them visit, to lay on the ground and read as they fluttered. It’s a silly thing, you oftentimes got picked on by the friends you live with, but what they don’t know is that in that meadow you grew in your backyard is where you see her; in those small purple flowers, in the sweet butterflies that feed off that nectar. That flower meadow is in memory of her, of the sister you had lost, Sarah.

Nevertheless, as you watch them flutter around, the silence that blankets you is broken by approaching footsteps. When you look back you see Sam approaching. You offer him a sweet smile and drag your feet down before you pat the empty spot beside you.

He doesn’t fret and joins your side on the ground. He looks below and then looks at you and takes off the string around his neck to write on the board he carries to communicate.

“What are you doing?” He writes.

Sam hands you the board, and you erase what he wrote to write back, “watching the butterflies.”

Sam leans over and reads the words, and smiles softly before signing with a word you do know now. “Why?”

You shrug and write on the board, “because it’s the closest thing I have to a tv, and I just enjoy watching them. It’s peaceful.”

Sam puts the board down, looks down at the flower patch below to watch the black butterflies mindlessly flutter around with you.

However, you quickly look away to grab his board and write their names that Sarah had told you once. “They’re called Black Swallowtail.” You tap Sam’s shoulder and point to what you wrote.

Sam's eyebrows knit together before he erases the board and signs again since he knows you know this one. “How do you know?”

You shift around and sign back, “S-a-r-a-h. My sister.”

Sam nods in comprehension and then looks down at his board to write, “do they make noise?”

You shake your head and write back, “they’re quiet, like you.”

Sam reads the words and takes them in before he erases it and asks, “do they hurt you? Like bees?”

You sign, “no,” and then erase what he wrote to write back, “they’re gentle. Ticklish.”

Sam reads it and looks at you with a questioning look, so you sign, “wait,” and proceed to slide down the small hill where the butterflies are gathered to pluck a flower from the ground. You then wait until a butterfly lands on it, and quickly shield it so it won’t escape.

Once the black butterfly with the yellow spots is secured, you look up at Sam and point your head to the side so he knows to come. He’s hesitant at first, but he trusts you, even if it’s only been a few weeks since you’ve joined their small group. Then again in small groups like these, when you’re trying to survive, it’s hard not bonding with the people you’re with.

It can be a good and bad thing because some people are big assholes.

Regardless, Sam slides down like you had and steps on his tiptoes to watch the butterfly flutter in your cupped hands.

You then slowly turn and crouch down to be at Sam’s level. You proceed to slowly move the shielded flower towards Sam, and very carefully pull your hand away from the flower. The butterfly stays on the flower like you wanted, so you move your finger towards it and let it crawl on your finger.

Once its little feet begin to tickle your flesh, Sam nervously grins, but seems to be more in awe. So before it can fly away you move your finger towards Sam’s nose, and gently guide the butterfly on his nose, making him immediately stiffen as he nervously laughs.

“See,” you sign. “All okay.”

The butterfly notices that there’s nothing where it’s perched and flutters off Sam’s nose quickly, and Sam only grins brighter. He then albeit quickly proceeds to grab his board to write down, “you were right. It tickles.”

You sign, “I told you.” You shoot him a cocky smile and point your head up the hill.

Sam looks up the hill and quickly begins to sign. You follow his line of gaze and see Henry. He had snuck up on you.

“Y/N…my nose,” that’s all you got from Sam signing to Henry. But hey! You’re learning, it’s been a few weeks and you’ve learned some stuff, that’s what counts.

“Did she?” Henry asks out loud and signs at the same time.

Sam nods and runs up the hill to reach his brother.

You then understand Henry’s question. “Did it hurt?”

Sam shakes his head and signs what you imagine is, “tickles.”

Henry hums and looks over at you to offer you a small smile before he signs and says. “Come on, let’s get going, dinner time.”

You beam at him and run up the hill, “great!” You sign in response. “I’m hungry.”

Since there’s nothing to fear at the moment Sam runs back to where everyone is gathered around, leaving Henry and you behind.

“So what?” Henry interjects. “Was it like, teaching moment with y/n?” He teases.

You feign a laugh. “Haha. And yes, actually. Black Swallowtail, that’s what those butterflies are called, and he knows that now. Thanks to yours truly.” You point at your chest.

Henry scoffs in amusement, bringing silence after, tense silence unlike before because now there’s unspoken feelings. At least from him because you know what you feel, you’re very in tune with your feelings, he doesn't seem to quite grasp what he feels towards you. Or at least that’s what Jace says.

So it seems you have to take matters into your own hands.

“What do you say after dinner, we wait for Sam to go to bed, and stay out to watch the stars,” you suggest with a racing heart. “Just the two of us.”

Henry falters in his pace, but turns his head to look at you. He seems quite surprised, but he doesn’t take long to answer, and stays nonchalant. “Yeah, let’s do it.”

You shoot him a smile. “Cool. I’ll bring my music.”

“I’d say I’d bring the drinks, but well we only have water,” he says with a small smirk.

You laugh softly. “That’s fine. I'm cool with that.”

Henry holds your gaze and his lips turn to a soft smile. You mirror his gesture and begin to feel your cheeks burn. Luckily he can't see that.

“I’ve never done this,” Henry breaks the sweet tension. “Date.”

Oh so he is in tune with his feelings.

“Oh, is this a date?” You mess with him.

Henry goes serious and shakes his head, making you quickly grin and assure him before he can take it back. “I’m messing with you, and don’t worry, going on a date is like hanging out. There’s just different feelings out in the open…well…that’s what it feels like anyway. In my 24 years of living I’ve only been on one date, and that guy was,” you let out a deep annoyed sigh. “He was different.”

Henry swallows thickly and hesitantly probes. “Different how?”

“He was a jerk. He only asked me on a date for some kind of game with his friends,” you share. “So if you’re not playing that then you’ll be okay.”

Henry shakes his head. “No, no, definitely not.”

“Cool.” You grin softly.

——

Night had taken over quickly, Sam went to sleep early due to his brother's behest, and now you’re navigating down the green meadow trying to find a spot somewhat secluded from camp.

“What happened to all the infected around here?” You ask Henry. “I haven’t seen many at all.”

Henry drops his gaze and sighs. “When Fedra was running Kansas City, they managed to drive them to underground tunnels.”

You hum and can’t decide if that’s smart or stupid. Both?

“You’ve been out there, what's the craziest infected you’ve seen?” Henry chooses to bounce off your question.

You scoff softly and answer right away. “Well there’s these fucking things out there, they have the fungus growing out of them, they can still see and hear, but they have that strength clickers do, and they like, stalk you. They’re fucking quiet and creepy as hell. It’s crazy as shit, terrifying, I still have nightmares.”

“You killed them?”

You begin to smirk smugly and nod as you hold his gaze. “Three. I’ve killed clickers too.”

Henry hums and then retorts, “show off.”

You laugh and shrug. “You asked.”

Henry lets out a small huff and then swallows back nervously.

It’s honestly very cute. You can tell that this is actually his first time being intimate with a girl.

“Here,” you point out and suddenly drop to the floor.

Henry had gotten a step ahead so he steps back and carefully sits by you.

Once he’s seated you pull out your Walkman and earphones to put them down between you, whilst Henry pulls out the bottle of water and puts it down before pulling out his lighter and igniting a small flame.

“How romantic,” you say with a small grin.

“Working with what we got,” he rubuts, and puts the flame out since it's a hassle having his lighter on the entire time. Instead he proceeds to probe nervously. “Okay….What now?”

You scoff softly and hand him a earphone bud while you put yours on, and put on some music at a low volume.

“I don’t have a lot of music options,” you share as he puts on the bud. “The rest is at home so, for now we’ll listen to…” you pick up your Walkman and check what you have inside. “Britney Spears,” you read outloud. “One of my favorite artists.”

“And,” Henry rolls out and carefully moves his hand over yours to slowly interlace his fingers with yours.

You grin and shoot him a smile. “Yes,” you assure him softly. “Good….Now though! I’m curious, are you lying to me about dating other people?” You squint your gaze.

Henry shakes his head. “No, I'm not. But I’m not clueless either, you know.”

You hum, and then rest your head on his shoulder.

He feels stiff for a few seconds, but he slowly relaxes and lets his shoulders fall.

“Now, we talk, like normal,” you let him know and look up to watch the twinkling stars overhead.

“Okay,” Henry whispers. “What’s….what’s your favorite color?”

“Purple,” you share immediately. “But not dark or violet, soft, like a lilac. You?” You ask and lift your eyes to look at him.

Henry looks down and meets your gaze as best as he can. “Red,” he says. “Like just red.”

“Boo,” you laugh. “Think harder, that’s a basic ass answer. I know that’s not it.”

Henry chuckles and draws in a deep breath as he thinks. “Okay,” he breathes out. “Blue…light blue, like the sky.”

You smile sweetly and nudge him gently. “See, I knew it.”

“Okay, now,” Henry proceeds. “I see you have many tattoos, but I’m curious about the one on your back,” he investigates. “The butterfly wings, do they have a meaning?”

Your smile slowly fades, and you have to hold back emotions that threaten to come out. “Yes.” You nod slowly. “My sister. She liked butterflies, I got it because of her so it’s like having her with me.” You glance at your hands and fiddle with his hand. “Do you have any tattoos?”

Henry shakes his head. “No, I don’t think I’m cool enough to get one.”

“You don’t need to be,” you assure him. “You can get one simply because you want one. That’s why I have the ones on my left arm, ‘Kay? And I think you’re cool. Sam thinks you’re cool.”

Henry turns his head and rests his chin on the top of your head. “You’re about the only ones then,” he mumbles. “No one else does.”

You squeeze his hand tighter and whisper, “don’t bother yourself by what others think, that shit, it’s poison. You live like that, you’ll only look at the world black and white.”

Henry lets silence linger for a moment before he asks, “how is it that you always seem to know what to say?”

You scoff. “Half of the time I make shit up.” You smile faintly. “Other times I repeat what I’ve been told by my uncle Tommy, or my mama Maria; she’s truly wise.”

“She your real mom?” He asks.

You shake your head. “No,” you share. “My mom died a long time ago, before all this shit happened…uh, complications after she had me. So, no Maria is my uncle's wife, my aunt. But I’ve known her for a long time now.” You sigh. “After we left Boston, she taught me a lot, like, about being a woman, protection, and the world. She took care of me like I imagine a mom would…” you smile softly at the sky and notice the dark cloud that begins to pass by. Yet you think nothing of the thick cloud and just admire the shining stars not covered by the thickness of the clouds, and stare at them with longing as if Maria’s presence was there.

“She loved me like one would. She’s the only mom I’ve known, so I call her that. Hopefully, you meet her soon. You’ll like her, she can be tough, but she’s good.”

“That’s good,” Henry says. “My mom tried her best, but it got hard. She focused more on keeping me alive soon after the outbreak happened.”

You blink and look away from the sky as his comment reminds you of someone else—it doesn’t sadden you anymore though, not as it once did.

“Yeah, my dad did that too,” you share your truth. “Sometimes he didn’t even feel like my dad….” You pause and want to add more, but in order to not sour the night and bring down the mood, you just leave that as it is and change the topic. “Okay, moving on please so we don’t bring this down. What would have been your dream job in the real world, pre outbreak?”

“Damn,” Henry mumbles. “I don’t know, but I do know that I would have wanted to ride a motorcycle around the country. You know those Harley’s?”

You hum in agreement.

“Well, I would have loved to have one of those and just ride.”

“You still can!” You exclaim excitedly. “I mean I don’t know about a country tour, but you can still have one.”

“Man,” he clicks his tongue. “I hope so. That would be a dream come true….now you, let me guess…you would have wanted to be an actress?”

You grin and gasp softly before you pull away to face him. “Yes!” You agree. “How did you know?”

Henry smirks. “Besides those stories you literally act out at night, you have the face for it.”

You smile wider and try to brush him off. “Are you sweet talkin’ me, Henry?”

He scoffs and shrugs smugly. “Maybe.”

You sit up and shoot him a smile as you slowly stretch your hands out. “I would’ve been a star, I know it.” You lean down close to him, and unknowingly make him nervously catch his breath as you hover him. “You would have seen me on your tv Henry Burrell.” You smirk.

Henry lets out a shaky breath, but composes himself and musters a soft smile, and knows how to sweet talk you. “I don’t doubt it.”

Your smile softens, and you slowly tilt your head to the side to glance at his plump lips before meeting his gaze again.

Many people have told you the same thing, they assure you that you would have been something if the outbreak hadn’t happened. But most of those comments are just that, comments, they’re meaningless. Coming from Henry though, hearing him say it makes you completely confident about a future you could never have. He makes you giddy about it, confident and flustered.

Maybe you’re a hopeless romantic, it’s been said, but you don’t have the luxury of time.

He knows that, he knows that holding back brings nothing good but regret so before you can move away, he leans forward and presses a kiss on your lips.

Albeit before you can savor the taste of his lips he pulls back. “I’m sorry,” he mutters out.

You shoot him a sweet grin before you lean down and crash your lips against his to reassure him that it’s fine, that he had nothing to apologize for. You pull him in and he’s caught off guard, he seems shocked a bit, but he doesn’t pull away, he sits up instead.

Henry’s careful, gentle with his kiss. You’re the one that guides him, that leads him on, but you’re not rough, you savor the sweet taste and make sure to mentally jot down every spark that you feel bounce out, every flutter your heart does. You memorize the sweet bliss that fills you.

When you eventually pull away you remain close, you don’t speak, you bask in the silence for a moment. He watches you with a sweet smile and a soft gaze, the softest gaze that you’ve noticed anyone look at you. So much so that it actually confuses you.

“What?” You probe.

Henry shakes his head.

You hum and provide silence.

Alas, it’s in that same silence that follows that lets you begin to feel droplets of water fall on your head.

When you both look up you see a thick, and much darker cloud covering the sky above. And soon those few drops turn to pouring rain.

“Damn,” Henry mutters under his breath.

You both look down and meet each other's gaze. And as you do, you both burst into laughter at the inconvenience of the pouring rain, and at the fact that you were so distracted with one another that you didn’t notice that it loomed so close. Overall you just laugh at the simplicity that was the rain interrupting your date.

“Come on,” you urge him and grab his hand. “The tree house is empty right now, let’s go up there.”

Henry grabs the bottle of water, and you grab your Walkman before you pull him up, and guide him there in a run.

However, it’s once you’re in that treehouse, as you go back to kissing one another that you catch the sound of distant rumbling. You wouldn't have cared about it, but the rumbling doesn’t come from the sky, so you pull away from Henry and crawl to the window, spotting there in the treeline multiple bright lights, headlights.

“Fuck,” Henry mutters sharply. “Fuck!”

That bliss you once felt is now quickly replaced with racing fear.

“It’s Kathleen,” Henry reveals the name of the rebel group that he said took down FEDRA, the group after him and the others he’s with.

“Go,” he whispers at you as he turns to face you with panic. “Leave!” He yells.

You shake your head without hesitance. “No,” you mumble. “No. I’m staying with you. Come on.” You shove your earphones in your pocket, and hook your walkman on the beltline of your pants before you quickly rush out of the treehouse, leaving Henry in slight disbelief that you didn’t leave now that your leg is healed. You should've, he thought, yet he's glad you didn’t.

——

*A DAY LATER*

“Kansas City belongs to the people!”

Flares light the sky. Chanting, yells, and gunshots fills the air carelessly as if the entire fucking world was liberated of danger and oppression; it’s only a city, and there’s still infected that lurk outside, stragglers that can still cause damage.

“Collaborators, surrender now, and you will receive a fair trial.”

Bullshit…

“We have control of the QZ and the open city. Anyone caught hiding will face charges of counter-revolutionary activities. Kansas City belongs to the people….” The announcer trails off and the current street you’re hiding on is silent again. Finally.

“Look at me, not at that,” you hear Henry whisper. And when you look over you see him communicating with Sam now that this was your next opening to run. “We’re almost there. To more blocks…” he turns and meets your gaze too. “Two more blocks,” he repeats so you can hear.

You nod in comprehension, and see him look back at Sam.

“Stay with me,” Henry continues to whisper softly for you as he signs for Sam. “Y/N, will be behind us.”

The boy's gleaming eyes drift to you to ask for reassurance once more, just like he’s asked all day since you’ve been running.

And it’s true, you were scared yourself, but for him you act confident, to see him at least lose a flicker of fear. “We’ll be okay.” You sign, and smile through your exhaustion. “I’m a wicked shot,” you whisper and let Henry sign that.

Sam looks back at you and sighs before nodding in comprehension.

“Ready?” Henry asks you.

You keep on your brave and confident face and nod. That lets Henry grab Sam’s hand once again to then bolt on ahead. You follow right behind their tail, with a hand on your rifle in case there’s suddenly a surprise.

Luckily though, you make it to the building some old man had told Henry about without any surprises. It was supposedly clear from any of the rebels too, so once that door closed and that lock clicked, and your flashlights lit the room, you were able to let your hand fall from your rifle.

“We’re going up,” Henry signs and whispers.

Sam nods. And you don’t need to say anything for Henry to know you understand, so he’s able to tell Sam to turn on his flash before they both slowly go ahead and you follow to watch their back.

Once you make it to the top, once Henry opens the door and reveals some storage room that old man doesn’t seem to be here.

Or at least that’s what you thought, because some old man suddenly jumps out from behind an old cabinet with his flash and gun pointed at the three of you, causing Henry to stop Sam and you in your tracks to point his gun right back at the man. Whilst you pull out your rifle and outgun the man.

However, given by the sound of their sighs, and the fact that they’re lowering their guns, this is the man Henry saw.

“It’s okay, Y/N,” Henry says and looks back at you. “It’s okay, you can put the gun down.”

You glance at the old man with his gun lowered and hesitate for a second before you hang the rifle back around your shoulder.

“It’s up here,” the old man says and turns to pull down some hatch. “Climb up on this,” he says and taps the cabinet and some box.

You’re sort of unsure to climb up since it looks so eerie up there, but Henry doesn’t second guess the man and hands you the green bag of supplies so he can climb up first. He then helps Sam up without hesitation, so it must be safe…

“Go on, I can help with the bag,” the old man tells you, but you still can't be assured of your safety nor do you trust him like Henry does, so you clutch onto the bag and offer him a faint tightlipped smile as you shake your head.

“It’s alright,” you mutter and then climb up on the cabinet and box. “I got it.” You pull off the strap and hand the bag to Henry first before you grab only the edge and pull yourself up.

“You got it?” Henry asks you as he turns away from the bag he sat down to try and help you.

Yet you manage to get in all by yourself just fine. “Yeah,” you assure him. “I got it.”

Henry puts his hand on your back as you stand up regardless, and helps you to your feet, letting the old man come in last without help.

“You sure they don’t know about this?” Henry asks the old man, while you proceed to set your backpack down to pull off that damned weight. However, you keep your rifle on you, you just pull it off your shoulder to raise it and point your scoop at the gaps that are on the cardboards covering the windows, just to make sure that the street is clear.

“I got it from a FEDRA officer,” the old man says as he turns on the lamp hanging from a pillar. “Patient.”

You lower the gun and walk to the window Sam is sitting under to check through that one too.

“…owed me a favor,” the man continues, whilst you hear Henry put down the cans of food you had managed to throw in. “He said he found it himself, never told anyone about it.”

“What if they got to him?” Henry cuts in, making your curiosity grow as well. So you lower the gun and look over at both men to wait for the answer.

“They already did,” the old man deadpans . “He won’t be talking.”

It’s good to hear, but still not so assuring. Albeit you don't show your fear, not with Sam right by you, he’s already terrified, he looks even more so up here. So instead you put your gun down and tap his shoe with yours to try and assure him with a small smile, and a sign.

“Clear. We’ll be okay.”

Sam swallows thickly and slowly lowers his shoulders, but doesn’t completely untense.

“Hey,” you sign and then tap your firefly pendant.

Sam slowly reaches for the one you gave him and holds it in his hand tightly.

“Clear outside?” He signs his questions.

You nod, and exhale out deeply to release some stress so he can mirror your actions. And this time instead of remaining tense, Sam unzips his jacket to pull out his board.

You watch him for a second longer and notice he keeps grabbing the pendant as he begins to draw.

“Y/N?” Henry calls your name and draws your attention back to them. “How are you on bullets?”

You walk towards the pair and hum before giving your answer. “3 on my rifle, and 4 on my pistol. Not enough, but good nonetheless.”

Henry sighs and nods. “Good.”

“Mines empty,” the man says and puts his gun away.

“Yeah, so is mine,” Henry reveals his status.

“We weren’t shooting our way outta this anyway,” the man adds hopelessly.

“No,” Henry interjects. “So we’ll sneak our way out.”

You rest your hand on your hip and watch him count the cans you have.

“How?” The man probes.

“Tunnels,” Henry shares.

“Tunnels? Why go to the trouble? You can kill yourself right here.” The man comments.

You scoff and snap back. “It’s either that or we die up here. I won’t let that happen, we won’t. Infected aren’t smart, we will find a way out.”

The man glances at you and keeps quiet.

“Twenty two cans, and six pounds of jerky for the four of us,” Henry shares now that he’s done counting. “If we stick to the minimum. I think we can make it 11 days? So that’s how long we have to figure it out.”

Not good, but it’s enough.

“Is he scared?” The man refers to Sam still in the corner drawing and holding the pendant.

“Yeah,” Henry says. “Well, he’s seen a lot. Nothin’ I can do about that now.”

First, you all witness some of the people you were with get shot. Then you get separated from the group whilst you were running from those after you. And lastly the horror the city holds. Who wouldn't be scared?

“He’s scared because you’re scared,” the old man says correctly. That makes Henry stop what he’s doing to look at his brother for a moment before he walks over to him.

You let him have his time with Sam, and instead finally take a moment to finally sit after running all damn day.

“How good are you with that rifle?” The man asks you.

You glance down at the cans of food and shrug. “My uncle taught me, he was in the military before the outbreak, so I like to say I’m a good shot.”

The man slowly sits down too, and when you glance at him you see him nodding in comprehension.

“That’s good,” he whispers. “We’ll probably need that.”

You hum and look back at Henry and Sam, and catch them both drawing on the walls now.

It’s a simple thing just to pass the time, to make Sam happy and fully relaxed. Besides, seeing him like that makes Henry happy and relaxed. And seeing that they can both find a bit of happiness in this wooden cage, that Henry isn’t strict and just focuses on teaching Sam how to survive, makes you smile and watch him with admiration.

It’s good that he’s a brother and a father to Sam, he needs that….

You grin softly.

Henry seems to feel your stare as you get lost watching them and looks back, catching your gaze.

You offer him a small smile and look away right after, even if that won’t erase the fact that he had caught you staring at him. He also then proceeds to join you on the floor nonetheless, and taps your leg with his foot. “How’s your leg?” He asks.

You drag your feet up against your chest. “Fine,” you assure him and slide your eyes back at him. “It doesn’t hurt anymore thank god. There’s just a scar left.” You hug your knees and rest your chin on your knee caps. “How are you feeling, Henry?”

Henry sighs. “Besides tired….” He hesitates and averts his gaze. “Guilty.”

You slowly furrow your eyebrows in confusion and probe. “Why?”

Henry lets out a deep sigh and drifts his eyes to you. “I dragged you into this, into my problem. You could’ve been on your way home now.”

You lift your head off your chin and shake it as you reach for his hand in his pocket to hold it in yours. “No,” you argue and lean in close to him. “No, I choose to follow you. I told you I’m sticking with you and Sam. We’re going home together.”

Henry licks his lips and shakes his head. “You don’t know what I’ve done, y/n,” he rebuttals. “I’m not a good guy.”

“And you think I’m a good person?” You spat. “I know what you did, Jace told me…”

Henry scoffs at the mention of his friend's big mouth, but let’s you continue.

“You saved your brother. He was sick and you saved him, you—”

“And I got a good man killed in the process, y/n,” he cuts you off sharply since you don’t want to blame him like he blames himself. “That makes me a bad guy. I am a bad guy. And now I have you here, hiding, surviving off scraps. Can't you see?”

You blink, and let out a shaky breath before you slide your legs down to turn around and sit on your knees to face him. “Henry, listen to me,” you say softly and pull his hand out to cup it with both hands.

“I’ve seen bad people, I’ve looked into the eyes of bad people. I’ve been a bad person, a truly bad person. So I know. And Henry,” you say softly. “When I look at you, I don’t even see a flicker of that….” Your voice breaks. “You have got a good heart, I can tell, I have sense for that stuff.” You laugh softly. “You’re good, Henry. Sam sees that, he knows that. I know that.”

Henry lets out a deep shaky sigh, and drops his gleaming gaze. He keeps his hand in yours though, and then lifts his other hand to cup yours.

“You’re not a bad person either, you know that,” he tells you softly and lifts his gaze to meet yours. “You’re a survivor. A real one.” He lets your hand go and instead lifts it to let it hover your cheek. As if he’s hesitant about grabbing your face out of fear that he was stepping out his boundaries.

“A bad person wouldn’t be stuck here,” he continues. “A bad person wouldn't have helped. A bad person wouldn’t be as…optimistic as you are,” he grins softly, making your smile wobble. “Even after getting stabbed. I could say a hundred more things already to prove you wrong and I’ve only known you a short while. Sam,” he points back to the boy busying coloring. “Could say a thousand more.”

You scoff softly and lean your cheek against his hand, making him stiffen for a second before he begins to very slowly caress your cheek.

“Is that alright?” He asks and leans in closer to read you too. “It’s not….too fast?”

You shake your head. “No,” you assure him. “It’s fine. I like it.”

Henry's smile widens and he proceeds to let his gaze linger on you for a moment longer before he mutters. “Thank you.”

You drop your gaze and smile at the ground. “This was supposed to be about you,” you mutter.

“It’s okay,” he says with a hint of smugness. “I like talking about you.”

You giggle and shake your head.

——

*10 DAYS LATER*

The room is quiet, deafening so. Nothing compared to the loud nightmares haunting you.

The air is chilly, and your clothes are cold. As your eyes focus on the painted room you see it’s basked by darkness; no lamp—well there is light, but it’s a dim and cold light, and it comes in from the small holes on the cardboards.

Did you really not sleep at all? It doesn’t feel that way, but it’s dark so probably not.

You sit up and stretch out your arms, feeling them slightly sore from sleeping on the hard ground. You rub your face to get rid of all the crap on your face as best as you can with just the heels of your palms since you don’t have water to splash on your face.

When you put your arms down, and look back you catch Henry’s stare, and a faint smile he musters.

“Hey,” he whispers.

You turn yourself around to face him, and notice Sam sleeping on his other side.

“How you feeling?” Henry asks.

You let out a long breath through your nose whilst you shrug. “Sore,” you croak. “I miss my bed.”

Henry scoffs softly and leans forward to pick up a can of food. “Here,” he says and hands you the can of food. “We saved you some.”

You hesitantly grab it and blink in confusion. “You guys ate?” You ask with your eyebrows knitted together. “Again?”

Henry rests arm back on his knee and his smile turns to a smirk. “I…uh, let you sleep in for the day.”

An entire day?

You put the can down and lose your confusion to stare at him with annoyance and disbelief. “We have…” you pause and shake your head. “We have a schedule, Henry,” you argue. “I sleep at night and you sleep in the morning. That’s not fair.”

Henry looks down and shrugs softly. “It is because I don’t care, it doesn’t bother me. Besides, you seemed at peace so Sam and I let you sleep in.”

The thought behind it fills you with joy, and it makes your heart flutter, but it’s still…it’s still not fair for him.

“What about the old man?” You quip since he’s not here anymore.

Henry slowly lifts his eyes and his smile fades. “He hasn’t come back,” he shares. “He probably…got caught.”

You blink and lose your attitude as you’re now filled with slight guilt.

“That means that can is the last bit of food we have,” Henry continues and points to said object by you. “Until we leave.”

You look at the can of food and push it to him. “Leave it for Sam.” You tell him.

Henry quickly pushes it back to you and counters you. “No, we ate already. You haven’t since yesterday. You need it.”

Your stomach grumbles at the reminder of that fact, and you hesitantly take the can without any more fuss.

“We’re on our own now,” Henry whispers. “Which means…you can go y/n. I don’t want to hold you back, you have family waiting for you back in Wyoming, I want you to see them. Being here with us…I can’t guarantee you will.”

You snap your gaze up to him and shoot him a pointed glare. “Why do you keep saying that to me, huh?” You snap. “Like if I’m actually gonna take your word and just leave you guys behind.” You put the can of food to the side and lean into him.

Henry rolls his eyes down and sighs deeply at your stubbornness.

“Henry,” you insist and snatch his hand off his knee to hold it in yours. “It’s not just me anymore, it’s us. We’re going to Wyoming together, okay? We’re going to Jackson. We’re gonna go home, we’re gonna sleep on a bed.” You muster a small smile. “You’re gonna meet pretty girls….”

“Pft.” He breathes out and shakes his head with a small smile.

“We’re gonna eat a delicious sandwich from the bar, you’re gonna meet my uncle, and my momma. Sam is going to school, have friends. We’re going home.” You assure him sweetly.

Henry blinks, and meets your eyes with a soft gaze and a sweet smile that you like to see on him. He proceeds to cup your cheek and pull you in closer to him.

“Only girl I need is you,” he sweet talks you.

You scoff and roll your eyes, making him chuckle quietly so as to not wake up Sam, before he pulls you in for a deep kiss that you both linger in. That you both want to take further, but restrain yourselves and pull away and keep your foreheads against each other.

“Thank you,” he whispers against your lips. He never stops telling you that.

Albeit now you don’t tell him to take it back like before, you let him say it and relish in the silence before you press a kiss against his lips and smile. “Go to sleep,” you tell him. “I’ll keep watch here.”

Henry hums and pulls back to pick up the can of food. “I sleep, you eat.”

You scoff and nod slowly as you take the can from his hand.

Before you eat though, you go down and go to the bathroom, Henry goes down with you to keep watch. And once you get back upstairs, Henry is quick to fall asleep, letting you eat and watch him and Sam in the silence of the room that was only accompanied by the sound of their soft snores.

Or at least it was quiet for a while until Sam woke up.

“You okay?” You sign your question.

Sam yawns and nods. “Yes,” he answers. “I just had a bad dream.”

You put the empty can down and offer him a sweet smile. “Want to talk about it?” You ask him.

Henry hesitates before he shakes his head. “It wasn’t bad,” he signs back to assure you. “I'll be okay.”

You smile wider and nod. “Good,” you sign. “Now. Back to sleep then.”

Sam puts his finger up and turns around to look for something real quick. You drag your leg up, and rest your chin on your knee as you wait for him.

Once he turns back around he grins as he lifts a piece of cardboard that has three people drawn on it.

“I drew this,” he signs. “Today while you slept.”

You scoff and point your head to the drawing. “Tell me about it then.” You press him.

Sam smirks proudly and points to a small masked hero with a cape on it. “Me,” he signs and then drags his finger to another masked hero, this one albeit is taller than he was. “Henry,” he shares and then drags his finger to the last person; one with butterfly wings, eyes like yours, and half of the face covered by a black mask. “You,” he reveals, and smiles shyly.

You beam at him and probe with obvious excitement. “Really? Wow. What are my powers?”

Sam puts the drawing down and doesn’t fret explain what you ask for. “Flight because you have butterfly wings drawn on your back. And you can make shields like The Invisible Woman, because you are brave…”

Your smile softens at his explanation and you’re actually very touched by how much thought he put into it.

“And super strength because you are strong.”

You sigh softly and grab at your chest. “I love it so much” you sign back quickly. “Thank you. Thank you.”

Sam's smile turns timid, and he drops his head to hide his fluster.

As much as you do enjoy his company, and feel touched by his drawing, you do want him to sleep for a little while longer.

However, before you can tell him he snaps his head up and beats you to signing. “Will you tell me a story?” He asks.

You let out a deep exhale and first put a but. “And then you will sleep.” You insist.

Sam nods quickly.

“Okay,” you give in. “Let’s do it.”

——

*THE NEXT DAY*

As Henry wakes Sam up, you pack up what you can and what you have left, which isn’t a lot. A lot of Sam's crayons are wasted since he's been giving the blank attic some well deserved color. The food is gone so the green bag is mostly empty. And everything else you have goes in your own packs, so maybe you should be at least thankful that you don’t have to carry so much weight at the moment.

“Y/N,” Henry calls out.

You hum and look back at him with a questioning look.

“Can you pass me the red paint?”

You glance at Sam and notice that he has his eyes closed. You want to ask about it, but you just choose to wait and hand Henry what he asked for first.

“Watch,” Henry says to you and wraps cloth around his fingers to dip that in the red paint a bit before he leans towards Sam, and paints a thick red stripe over his eyes that makes it look like he has a mask on. Like the ones he paints on his hero’s.

“Wow,” you sign when he opens his eyes. “You look very cool.”

Sam smiles, and Henry pulls out his knife to let Sam see his reflection on the metal.

And once he does he grins and nods in appreciation. “Now,” Sam signs to you as Henry puts his knife away. “I have my mask on, like you have your wings.”

You grin and nod. “Yes!” You sign and lift your eyebrows to show your excitement, whilst you pick up your backpack off the ground since all you needed was for him to wake up so you could leave. “Exactly! We are cool now.”

Henry turns back around and helps Sam put on his jacket, while you grab his backpack off the ground.

“Now,” Sam tells you after he has his jacket on and his brother is turned away grabbing his own things. “Henry needs something too.” He stands up to his feet, and you hand him his backpack.

“We will have to think about what to give him,” you tell Sam as you strap your rifle on your shoulder.

Sam nods in agreement and drifts his eyes to Henry slowly trying to slowly open the door.

After making sure that the ghost is clear, you all proceed to climb out, and carefully walk down the stairs to reach the door that you had once walked through 11 days ago.

However, before you can walk out, even if Henry and you learned the patterns of the group, he puts a table against the door to climb on it and peek through the window over the door to check if the ghost is clear outside.

For inside you can hear nothing echoing in the distance; no shouts, running engines or distant gunshots, but you still wait cautiously, and watch Henry turn away from the window first before you can act.

“It’s okay,” Henry signs to Sam and you as he jumps down.

Just like you assumed.

However, even if Sam got the okay, he worries and questions his brother. “You don’t hear anything?”

Henry shakes his head and reaches over to push the table away. Albeit just as you take a step over to help him, tires suddenly screech, causing Henry to stop, and for you to do the same but grab Sam’s shoulder to hold him still.

Sam then turns to question what had made Henry and you stop, but tires screech again and a crash follows to sound, causing you to jump and cover your ears. Henry, though, grabs Sam, and your arm to pull you both down with him.

Sam signs something to both Henry and you, but you keep your eyes focused on the door as gunshots begin to go off. You remain frozen out of fear in the same spot Henry had pulled you down to, and don’t react or stand up until Henry gets back up on the table to peek through the window.

“Henry,” you call out and sign so Sam understands what you’re saying. “Stay down.”

“Let me just check,” he rebuttals.

You grab Sam’s hand and pull him with you as you take a step closer to Henry.

Another gunshot proceeds to go off though, making Henry duck, and Sam to tighten his hold around your hand as he watches his brother's reaction. And just as Henry slowly lifts his head again, you turn to face Sam.

“We will be okay, it sounds to be happening across the street,” you let Sam know. “Gunshots, but not a lot. Maybe a fight.”

Another gunshot goes off, and your shoulders jump, but you try to remain collected in front of Sam.

“Another gunshot?” Sam asks since he sees your reactions.

You nod and let him know, “Just one.” You turn to ask Henry what’s going on, but he suddenly ducks for a few seconds before he lifts back up one more time. After a few seconds he finally decides to jump back down as it goes quiet.

“What's going on now?” Sam asks Henry before you can.

Henry glances at you with a frown and shares his slight fear, before returning his gaze to his brother and looking nonchalant so Sam won’t worry as much.

“New plan,” Henry shares with the both of you. “We follow this man that just killed one of the rebels.” He explains making you feel shocked over that fact. “I know the streets, and even if we have you, y/n, we can possibly work together with this man.” He keeps his eyes locked on you to ask for reassurance, to wait if you’d argue, but you trust him and agree with a nod.

“We have to get out before more of the resistance comes over. Ready?” He asks Sam and you.

“Yes,” you sign and say, earning Henry’s attention. “I’m with you.”

Henry’s lips lift slightly before he gives you a thankful nod.

And just like Henry had mentioned, those same loud ass cars come soon, you can hear their loud rumbling engines, they make a commotion about one of their own dying and finding the people who did it; Albeit Henry did say it was only one old man. Nevertheless, by the time you imagine they get to searching the nearby places for that guilty man, you’re already out of the building, following that man you can’t see but Henry can.

Yet, it’s because of that same search that you have to be even more cautious like before. You have to hide in alleys, and take long pauses to wait for cars to roll by before continuing after the man.

Night comes, and you finally enter a building, but, you end up having to follow the fucking old man thirty something floors up the damn building. It’s safe sure, but so fucking high up after running all day.

Furthermore, as you’re walking to the room at the end of the hall, just as you’re about to reach the room, glass crunches under your feet, making Henry and you halt immediately, and for the both of you to stop quickly Sam too.

“Noisy?” Sam asks both Henry and you.

Henry agrees and answers. “Noisy.”

You pull your rifle strap off your shoulder, and watch Henry pull out a gun before grabbing Sam’s full attention. “Remember what to do?” He asks Sam.

Sam makes a gun sign and points to the door. Henry nods and then hands Sam the gun. And since it’s probably a bit heavy Sam lowers his hands, making Henry secure the boys hold around the weapon before looking up at you now.

“Y/N,” he signs and doesn’t speak for safety. “Stay here. If anyone comes in, jump them. Or if shit goes down in there and you hear gunshots, go in and surprise them for us. If you hear nothing then I’ll call you.”

You’re hesitant to obey, you want to go with him. But…after being stuck together in the attic for 11 days you trust him with your life, more than anyone. So you listen to his plan.

“Okay,” you assure him. “I will wait, but…” you pause and pull out your pistol from your holster. “Use mine. I have bullets, you don’t. I can’t have you go in unprotected.”

Henry glances at your weapon and seems hesitant to take it for a moment, but he has no choice but to trade guns.

“You know how to use it, yes?” You manage a joke.

Henry rolls his eyes and grabs Sam to walk ahead, leaving you to stand back and wait. Wait and listen.

Wait some more even when you catch someone else's voice inside; a young girl's not an old man yelling out the same name as your own fathers.

“Eyes on me,” you hear Henry command. “Eyes on me. You don’t have to worry about what to say. We don’t want to hurt you. We wanna help you.”

So they seem good?

Hm. You push yourself away from the wall and step in the middle of the hall, you try to get a view inside the room Henry and Sam had gone into, but it’s too dark. All you can go off of is Henry’s voice, which you can detect a hint of nervousness by the way.

“Okay,” a second voice says; an oddly familiar, deep and deadpanned one.

“Okay, uh,” Henry proceeds shakily, “I don’t know what the next step is with something like this…”

Oh sweet, sweet Henry.

You should’ve gone in his place instead.

“….but if I lower my gun, we didn’t hurt you, so you don’t hurt us, right?” He continues, providing a long pause that makes you lift your rifle and take one step forward.

“That’s right,” the manly voice responds in a deadpanned way. Which is funny because it actually sounds like your dad too.

“That’s a weird fuckin’ tone, man,” Henry snaps out nervously.

“That's just the way he sounds,” the young girl interjects quickly. “He has an asshole voice. Joel, tell him he’s okay.”

“Everything is great.”

Obviously not. But Henry doesn’t yell out for you, so you trust him and stay put.

“Dude.”

“Fuck!” Henry swears, making you look down at glass littered on the floor to step on the gaps that are clean—“okay. Listen,” Henry continues. “I’m gonna trust you.” Silence follows and you imagine he’s taking this time to communicate with Sam or think some more.

“But if either of you guys try anything,” Henry then exclaims. “Yeah? We also have someone else with us, she’s strong, so don’t try anything. Yeah?”

There’s a murmur you can’t make out before that manly voice speaks again. “Can I sit up?”

“Slow,” Henry says. “Get up slow. Y/N come on in…it’s okay!”

That’s your cue.

You only lower your gun a bit, but keep your hands tightly secured around your weapon as you slowly walk to the door.

“Who are you?” The man asks Henry now.

“My name is Henry. That’s my brother, Sam. I’m the most wanted man in Kansas City,” Henry’s voice gets louder the closer you approach the room. “Although, right now my guess is you’re running a close second.”

You reach the door and slowly push it open, announcing your presence to the others in the room. Yet as you step in the first person you focus on is Sam since he’s closer to the door. You’re about to ask if he’s okay, but you see the man behind him and slowly drag your eyes up to identify him.

And as soon as you land your eyes on his face, you freeze and gasp as you recognize his dark eyes, that face that has more wrinkles on it than before. You recognize his face even if it’s been years since you last saw him. After all, you could never forget how he looks, even with the anger you hold for him. You could never forget him, your dad.

“Oh my god,” you murmur and drop your gun as you keep your eyes on him, as you watch him slowly lose that furrowed brow, that look of nonchalance. You watch him grow disbelieved, or at least that’s what you want to think.

“Daddy?” You call out and stride over to him, whilst he walks over to you slowly as if he can’t believe what he’s seeing, as if he’s trying to debate if you’re some vision or not. “Daddy,” you murmur as you stand before him. “It’s me, It’s—”

Before you can finish your sentence he wraps you in embrace, he wraps an arm around your back, and slides his other hand to hold the back of your head. While you stay stiff in his arms.

“I know,” he murmurs against your ear. “I know baby, I know.” His voice is soft, not like it was a few minutes ago. He’s warm, and under the sweat you still recognize his own scent, it fills you with nostalgia and joy. It makes you hug him back and close your eyes to bask in the relief and safety you’re hit with in his arms.

“Let me look at you,” he whispers and pulls back to grab your face and study you. Study you after years of not seeing you. “Look at you….” He smiles softly and wipes away the tears on your cheeks that had broken out. “You’re all grown up. You’re so beautiful.”

You notice his graying hair. You see the exhaustion in his eyes, and the relief.

“What’s going on?” You hear the girl ask, but you don’t look at her or think further about her presence, all you can focus on is the man before you, and the fact that as of now that anger you held so close in your heart begins to wash away.

“Look at you,” you redirect with a wobbly grin. “You wear diapers yet?”

He scoffs softly. “I’m getting there.”

You laugh softly and linger in front of him for a second longer before you both hug each other again, before you cling onto his neck like you would when you were a little girl, when you’d greet him home from work, when he’d carry you after you woke up, or simply when you just needed his embrace. You cling onto him with fear he’d disappear.

So now, no one in the room could deny your connection.

“Oh baby girl,” he whispers.

You cry softly and nuzzle your head in the crook of his neck. You stay in the embrace for a few more moments, and he doesn’t try to pull away until you do to face Henry and Sam, and explain what they’re witnessing.

“This is my dad,” you sign and say out loud.

Sam blinks and looks at your dad by you, and then nods in comprehension, whilst Henry looks a bit disbelieved by the fact.

“Uh, sorry for the…gun,” Henry adds anyway.

“Dad,” you say and turn to look at him, “that’s Sam,” you point to the boy. “And that’s Henry….” You glance at the man and smile softly. “My partner.”

Henry meets your gaze and mirrors your gesture.

“Ellie,” the girl interjects and steps towards you to offer you her hand.

You snap your gaze to the small girl and quickly look at her up and down—brown hair, pale face, brown eyes. She can be his kid. Albeit she looks a bit too old to actually be his kid without you knowing about it. Then again it has been some time…so there’s a possibility….

“Y/N,” you share, and offer her a feigned smile as you take her hand so as to not be cold.

You then pull your hand away and think that she can be Tess’s kid with your dad, the girl kind of has a resemblance to Tess. However, you don’t see Tess here. Weren’t she and your dad inseparable?

You don’t ask about her though, even if you are curious.

“What are you doing here?” Your dad cuts in, letting you look at him. “You’re supposed to be in Wyoming.”

You sigh and nod. “It’s a long story, really. I’m sure I can share later.” You turn and head over to the gun you had dropped in front of the door. “What are you doing here though? It’s a long way from Boston.”

You hear your dad sigh. “It’s a long story,” he counters, making you scoff in amusement. “I’ll tell ya later. You talk to your uncle Tommy recently?”

You pick up your gun and hang it back around your shoulder. “No I haven't been able to,” you share and turn back around to face your dad. “I haven’t come across a radio in some time. Have you?”

Your dad swallows thickly before he shakes his head. “No,” he says, and you actually begin to worry by the hesitance in his tone.

Yet you don’t investigate further, leaving the room quiet, even if there was so much unsaid between you and your dad.

“Anyone hungry?” Ellie breaks silence.

You snap your eyes to her and nod for Sam and Henry. “Starving actually. You guys have some spare food? We’ve been on the run from the rebels outside, so it’s been a hard couple of days.”

“Yes,” your dad nods.

You offer him a thankful smile and then turn to Sam. “They have some food,” you let him know.

Sam smiles in relief.

“Why don't we set up shop, hm?” You say and break away from your spot to grab a lamp off some desk. “It’s crazy it’s been you this entire day,” you direct to your dad. “If I would’ve known we could’ve reunited earlier.”

The question about who Ellie is to him really kills you, but you keep holding back to avoid hearing what he’d say, what you were afraid he’d say.

“Well only if I knew you were here,” he quips in that same deadpanned voice.

You hum and turn to set the lamp down in between the cushions on the floor.

The girl sits down first and begins to rummage through her bag, while Sam and Henry sit across from her.

“I just got to Kansas City like maybe what,” you explain as you turn on the white lamp, providing at least some sort of light to an otherwise dark room. “Almost 2 months ago, or so.” You sit down across from your dad and meet his gaze. “I wasn’t planning to stay, but well,” you sigh. “Shit went down and I had no choice. That's when I met Henry and Sam.”

Ellie passes your dad something wrapped in paper, and as he opens it and reveals food, he looks over at you again. “Where were you coming from?” He asks and hands you some food that you pass to Sam first.

“Well,” you murmur and drop your gaze knowing he wouldn't like your answer. “A…” you hesitate and scoff. “Countrywide adventure to tell the truth.” You drift your eyes up, catching him stopping his hand midway as he’s about to hand you some more food. He narrows his eyes on you and shakes his head.

“Y/N—”

“Daddy,” you cut him off. “You can't be mad, I’m on my way home.”

A wave of emotions pass, and you swear you can even see a hint of sadness pass, but it doesn’t linger too long for you to confirm it.

“You could’ve gotten yourself killed,” he mutters and hands you a piece of food you hand to Henry. “I can’t believe your uncle Tommy let you leave.”

You scoff and shrug off your back pack, and put down your gun to grab your food now. “I was 22 when I left, I was grown. And he trusted me.”

Your dad blinks and looks at his own piece of food as he swallows thickly again.

“Why did you leave?” Ellie interjects.

You smirk and share your truth. “Prove to myself that I can survive.”

Ellie begins to slowly smirk. “Cool,” she says.

And it might or might not be a choice fueled by your dad, or really his past behavior.

“Where did you get these?” Henry interjects and changes the subject.

“From Bill,” Ellie answers. “He’s dead.”

Oh. Okay.

Silence passes, and your dad takes this time to hand Sam some more food.

And as soon as the boy gets it he taps your arm so you’ll look at him and what he signs.

“Yeah,” you assure him. “I’ll tell him.” You look to your dad and share what Sam told you. “He says thank you.”

“I’m guessing you don’t have much,” Henry adds. “So, this means a lot.”

You hum in agreement.

“How old is he?” Ellie asks.

Henry turns to Sam and shares what Ellie had asked him, making Sam answer.

“He’s eight,” Henry shares for Sam.

Ellie nods and smiles. “Cool. I’m Ellie.”

Henry once again communicates with Sam, causing Sam to look over at the girl and sign cool as he nods.

Silence then proceeds to fall again, but now you catch Ellie hit your dads leg to encourage him to introduce himself now, making you be more assured by the fact that she could be his kid. One he didn’t tell anyone about, not even you…

“I’m Joel,” your dad adds bluntly. “Look, you ate, we didn’t kill each other, let’s call this a win-win and move on.” He glances at you towards the end of his conversation, seeking you to speak.

Yet you don’t, you let Henry do so

“Well, I’m betting that y’all came up here to get a view of the city and plan a way out. And when the suns up, we’ll show you one.” Henry glances at you at the end, so you share an assuring look.

“There isn’t a lot we can see right now,” you add and look to your dad. “It’s dark. Once the sun goes up we can…” you pause and sigh. “Talk more. As of now if you guys want to sleep, go ahead. Henry and I can keep watch.”

“No,” Henry cuts you off. “You’ve been up all day, I can stay awake, Sam and you can get some sleep.”

You meet Henry’s gaze and come up with another option since you know your father wouldn’t be so open to that idea. And well you do want to talk to your dad too, someone you haven’t seen in years and suddenly appears here, Kansas City of all places.

“You sleep,” you direct at Henry. “I’ll…stay up with my dad, there’s things we need to talk about anyway.” You look over at said man, and meet his dark gaze.

And without adding much, your dad hums in agreement, making you smile softly.

“So,” you roll out and look down at Sam next to you. “You,” you point and begin to sign and speak quietly. “Need sleep.”

Sam rolls his eyes, but nods slowly. However, before he can stand up to find some corner, he adds one thing. “I decided what I want to have in Wyoming.”

You grow curious and probe.

“A giraffe,” he shares, making you grin.

“A giraffe,” you repeat. “Man,” you chuckle as you sign to him. “I don’t know how I’ll fit a giraffe in the backyard.”

“You said,” he argues. “Any pet.”

You sigh and drop your shoulders to try and pursue him to another option. “How about a goat, or,” you snap your fingers as the idea comes to mind. “A dog? A Cat?”

Sam shakes his head and looks at Henry and then at you to repeat himself. “A giraffe.”

You sigh in defeat, and nod your head. “Fine, fine, you twisted my arm, I will see what I can do, how about that?” You ask with a soft smile, in that moment missing how Henry was watching you; like he’s never seen something so beautiful in his life.

Albeit, you might not have noticed but your dad does. Your dad saw how you had just talked to Sam, so sweet and caring even through all this crap. So maybe he was right in leaving you with your uncle Tommy.

In the years before he left though, you were somewhat the same, you liked to see the good out of the bad even as young as you were, even as scared of the new world as you were. He doesn’t know how you did, where you got that from, but he knows that if you were stuck with him all your life, you wouldn't have stayed yourself. As you were before this outbreak, so, it’s good that you hadn’t been together until now.

“Are you sure?” Henry double checks as Sam walks away from the group.

You nod. “Yeah. I’m sure,” you assure him. “Go, get some sleep.”

Henry hesitates for a moment before he follows after his brother, leaving Ellie, your dad, and you left. Yet he sends Ellie off to bed too, and she relencutenly listens.

So now it’s just you and him, but neither of you speak until you know everyone is asleep.

“So,” you whisper as you move to sit by his left side. “Are you gonna tell me what you’re doing here?”

“It’s not as exciting as your reason,” he deadpans, making you smile. “I still can’t believe Tommy would let you leave. Tsk.”

You drop your gaze and do share the truth you hid. “He didn’t want me to leave, we argued…but at the end of the day, I was an adult, he knew he couldn’t hold me back.” You lift your gaze to look back at your dad. “You didn’t answer me though.”

Your dad meets your gaze and then glances at Henry across the room for a moment before he drops his gaze and mutters. “No offense or anything, but I don’t trust your partner. I trust you, but not him, so let’s save this conversation for later.”

So he hasn’t changed. That’s good to know.

“Okay,“ you grumble in annoyance, and instead chose to focus on the girl he’s traveling with. “The girl, is she your…”

“No,” your dad cuts you off before you can ask what he knew you were curious about. “She’s not anything. She’s cargo.”

Oh. Well now you’re even more curious. It’s bad he won’t answer a fucking thing.

“So what?” You retort. “Are you on some kinda mission?”

“Yeah,” he nods. “Somethin like that.” He meets your gaze, and you let your own gaze linger on him as more questions build up, as you want to spill out so much more. But, right now, at this moment you don’t want to ruin the bliss of this reunion, you’re happy to see him again, and you want to focus on that.

“You,” he continues to speak. “How are you doing, hm? You okay?”

You nod and sigh. “I was hurt, that's why I stayed, but I’m okay now. You?” You ask and prop your elbows on your knees to rest your chin on your hands. “I mean besides being old.”

Your dad rolls his eyes and scoffs. “I’m okay,” he mutters. “And you're getting there too, what are you now 30?” He manages to tease you with a faint smirk dancing on his lips.

“I’m 24,” you correct him. “And 30 is not that old, okay?”

“Yeah, says you, you’re almost halfway there,” he reminds you, making you smile that he remembers. “You still make it a big deal?”

You snicker. “Daddy, you know me right? Of course I do.”

His smirk deepens. “What was it you said when you were a little girl?” He asks even if he still in fact remembers. “That Valentine’s Day was celebrated ‘cause it was your birthday that day?

You nod. “I still believe that,” you mumble with a stifled laugh.

He laughs softly and shakes his head. And you smile softly. It’s been so long since you’ve talked, so long since you’ve laughed together, and now after years of estrangement, sharing that same connection fills your heart with such heartwarming bliss you’ve missed.

“You going to Wyoming?” You quiere a bit mote seriously.

Your dad nods stiffly.

You scoff. “Uncle Tommy might get some kind of heart attack when he sees you.” You grin.

“He’s old,” you both say at the same time.

You giggle quietly and nod. Silence follows, comforting silence that lets you notice the watch on his wrist, the same one Sarah had given him for his birthday 20 years ago. He still wears it.

He never liked talking about her after she died, you can’t imagine that’s changed, but you still miss her and he still misses her too. So without saying anything you sit up and grab his wrist to carefully swipe your finger over the cracked glass.

Your dad watches you and of course doesn’t add anything, he lets you hold his hand to look at the watch instead.

“Get some sleep,” he mutters. “I’ll stay up.”

You let his hand go and breathe out softly before blinking and looking at him. “It’s okay. I’ll stay up with you. I missed you.” You admit.

The corner of his lips twitch to a smile, and he then wraps his arm around your shoulders to press you against him and press a kiss on the top of your head.

You smile and rest your head on his shoulder as he keeps his arm around you. You sit in the silence then, basked only by the dim white light. And you fight it, fight the sleep that came as you felt comforted and safe by your dad, but it overtook you, and regardless of what you told him you fell asleep with your head on his shoulder just like you would when you were a little girl.

——

*THE NEXT MORNING*

“Welcome to Killa City,” Henry says whilst he, you and your dad look out at the city from an office building.

“No FEDRA,” your dad interjects.

Henry shakes his head. “Not as of 2 months ago, no.”

“We always heard KC FEDRA was—”

“Monsters? Savages?” Henry cuts your dad off, and looks at him as he nods. “Yeah, you heard right. Raped and tortured and murdered people for 20 years. And you know what happens when you do that to people? The moment they get a chance they do it back to you.”

“But you’re not FEDRA,” your dad mutters, and you sigh quietly and avert your gaze as you know what’s coming is something he won’t like.

“No, worse,” Henry says. “I’m a collaborator.”

You clench your jaw and peek over, catching your fathers immediate displeasure and judgment.

“I don’t work with rats,” he snaps at Henry, and side eyes you since he knows he had taught you better.

“Yeah,” Henry scoffs. “You fucking do.”

You sigh and drag your eyes to him. “Henry,” you warn.

Said man glances at you, but he doesn’t change his tone of voice.

“Today you do.” He continues. “‘Cause I live here and you don’t. That’s how we followed you here….”

Albeit you didn’t actually know you were following your own father when Henry told you.

“I know this city, and that’s how I’m gonna help you get out.”

“Why help us?” Your dad queries.

Henry glances over at you and his gaze softens. “Her, for one,” he points to you, making you feel flustered. “And two, I saw what you did, the way you killed those men,” he says and glances back at your dad, making you do the same. “Now, I know where to go, and I trust y/n would have gotten us out alive, but we are safer in numbers.”

You meet your dad gaze briefly before he directs his comment to Henry. “You seem capable enough. You’re armed.”

Tsk.

“You’re wrong, and wrong,” Henry rebuttals. “Never killed anyone. And pointing that borrowed gun at you was the closest I’ve ever come to being violent….so that’s the deal. I show the way, you and y/n clear the way.”

You nod in agreement, and then look to your father in hopes he’d agree too. After all, you are going to the same place.

Yet you can’t read the answer he may have, he makes it hard to do so. But you want to believe he’d want to stick around with you at least….

What if you’re not enough though? He’s left before.

You sigh shakily and want to pull him away, but then a distinctive laugh fills the room. When you glance back you see Sam laughing with Ellie.

She made him laugh.

“Haven't heard that in a long time,” Henry says.

You smile at the boy, and then share that same happy smile with Henry.

“So how are we gettin’ out?” Your dad gives in, making you look to the ground and smile wider.

Without hesitation Henry walks to the table and pulls a piece of paper and pencil from his backpack, making your dad and you gather around the table where Henry is to watch as he begins to write. And shortly thereafter Ellie joins the group too, leaving Sam to sit at the other side of the table in wait.

“Highways, downtown,” Henry explains and points and circles the spots with his fingers. “Us. This whole area belongs to Kathleen.”

“She’s in charge?” Ellie probes.

You cross your arms over your chest and nod before answering with what you’ve been told from Henry himself, and the others that were a part of his group. “Leader of the resistance.”

“You can see the way we’re bounded by highways,” Henry continues to explain. “They got people posted all around the inside perimeter. If we get close, we get caught. No question. So how do we get across?” He asks, but then taps the surface of the table to gain Sam’s attention.

And when the boy looks up Henry asks the same question, so Sam can write down the answer on his board. “Tunnels.”

Henry snaps his fingers and says. “Boom.”

“Kansas City has a subway?” Your dad questions.

“No, but they do have maintained tunnels,” Henry answers. “There’s a bunch of buildings all put up by the same developers. And they share these tunnels, including,” he says and looks back at his paper.

“A bank building here.” He writes down on the paper as he explains as well. “So we enter the tunnels here, travel underground, and pop up here. Westside North. Residential. There’s an embankment on the other side of the houses. We head down, pedestrian bridge over the river.” He drops his pencil and claps proudly. “Free as a bird.” He then shoots you a proud look.

And you might be impressed by his plan, but your dad doesn’t seem so.

“You’re right,” your dad comments. “It’s a great plan. So what do you need us for?” Your dad points to him and you.

Henry sighs and shares one concerned look with you before looking at your dad and explaining further. “You noticed anything strange about this city? I mean, other than the strange shit you’ve already seen?”

“No infected?” Ellie answers correctly right away.

“Oh, there’s infected,” Henry corrects her. “Just not on the surface. FEDRA drove them underground 15 years ago and never let them come back up. It’s the only good thing those fascist motherfuckers ever did.”

“So you want us goin’ into a tunnel?” Your dad quips as he looks between Ellie and you.

“Everyone thinks that It’s full of infected,” Henry adds. “Including Kathleen, which means that we’re not gonna be running into any of her people. But you see, what I know is, it’s empty.”

“You’ve been down there?” Your dad asks.

You avert your gaze and hear Henry’s response. “No,”

“Oh god,” your dad mutters in annoyance. “Y/N.”

Yes, it’s a very questionable plan, you know that, but that’s why Henry and Sam had you. To fight for them.

“…but the FEDRA guy that I worked with told me that it’s clean,” Henry continues. “Completely clean. They cleared it out. All of it.”

“When?” Ellie asks.

“Like, three years ago,” Henry says.

Your dad scoffs and shakes his head.

“Okay, maybe,” Henry quickly adds. “There’s one or two, but you can handle it.”

“What if there’s more?” Your dad counters.

“Or one of those blind ones that sees like a bat?” Ellie adds her question.

“Y/N has fought clickers,” Henry explains and points to you.

You nervously glance up at your dad, and meet his quick judgmental gaze only meant for one man.

“And now I know you have,” Henry continues. “You see? You’re the right people. If it gets bad down there, we turn around, and run right back out the same way we came.”

“Oh that’s your great plan?” Your dad argues. “Put my—”

“No, that’s my dicey-as-fuck plan,” Henry cuts your dad off. “But as far as I can tell…it’s our only shot.”

“Y/N,” your dad presses you to explain yourself and your decision to follow something risky.

“It’s our only choice,” you vouch for Henry. “They chased us out of the forest, and now they have the forest line surrounded. It’s either this way or we go guns blazing. Which is an actual stupid idea. Trust me. Can you do that? I know it’s been a while,” you swallow thickly. “But can you do that?”

Your dads gaze lingers on you, his answer is simple in regards to you, but it’s the man you’re with that makes his choice difficult.

“They’re saying,” you hear Henry interject before your dad can answer you. “They’re going to help us escape.”

You look to the end of the table and see Sam smirk and nod in comprehension.

“Right?” Henry asks.

“Fine,” your dad grumbles, making you smile softly at him.

Good thing it didn’t come to choosing sides because if it had you don’t know who you’d side with….

Regardless, you don’t linger in the building any longer, the next rotation would start their shift soon, so now was the time to flee while the ghost was clear.

There could be surprises considering they are looking for your dad now too. But luckily the run to the bank was clear, and the bank itself was clear—It seems that the resistance group isn’t as smart as they think they are.

The only difficulty is now navigating your way through the long dark tunnel that you’re in.

“This should be it,” Henry says once the door closes behind your dad. “You ready?”

You turn your flashlight on and step down the stairs first.

“Get your gun out,” you hear your dad tell Ellie most likely. But you take this time you pull your rifle down and have it ready just in case something jumps out in this silence.

“How many bullets do you have?” You direct to your dad and look over your shoulder, noticing him climbing down the stairs to join you so you can both lead the way to some other big metal door.

“Not a lot,” he says, and shortly thereafter stops to open the big metal door for everyone. “You?” He asks once it’s open.

“Not a lot either,” you grumble and continue to slowly walk forward with your light pointing at the long path ahead.

“You see? It’s empty,” Henry points out loudly and with pride. “The plan is good!”

You look back to kindly tell him otherwise even if you really don’t smell or hear anything concerning, yet your dad beats you to it.

“Shh,” your dad shushes him. “The plan is good?” He repeats and scolds Henry. “We’ve been here for two seconds. We don’t know anything.”

Henry meets your gaze, and you shoot him a comforting smile before he leans close to Ellie and directs his comment to her.

“Your dads kind of a pessimist.”

“He’s not my dad.” Ellie quickly rebuttals, at the same your dad also does

“I’m not her dad.”

Why do they sound offended?

Maybe there shouldn’t be a reason why you need to be jealous then?

“Just point your light forward,” your dad continues to tell Henry. “And be ready to run.” He continues walking, so you also continue to lead the way at his side.

It turns out to be a long walk. A silent one thankfully. It seems Henry was right about this tunnel now being infected free. Yet as you come approaching some colorful painted doors who knows what may lie behind them.

“Whoa,” Ellie utters as you all flash your lights at the colorful drawings that fill the three walls.

There’s a castle painted around the doors, flowers and plants on the other walls, children, rainbows and a sun. This must be the reason why the infected aren’t down here.

Yet it’s too quiet, and unprotected. And when you feel the walls to check if it’s fresh or old paint. Thankfully, or sadly…the paint is dry and crusted.

“Let’s knock,” you suggest. "If there's infected they’ll run to the door, if there’s people then we’ll hear them too. If there’s nothing then…the ghost is clear.”

Your dad hums and nods in agreement. And just as you step forward and lift your fist to knock, Sam passes you to reach the door, but you quickly grab his arm and face him.

“No,” you warn him. “It can be dangerous. Always, always check if something is safe first, okay?” You take this time to teach him. “You understand me?”

Sam's smile fades, and he quickly responds. “I understand, sorry.”

You shake your head. “You did nothing wrong, just always double check first. Wait. My dad and I will give the sign that it’s safe. Okay?”

Sam nods stiffly and steps behind you, letting you secure his hand under yours, and now knock.

Once you get no response your dad opens the door first and slowly walks in, letting you and the rest follow him inside, noticing a larger room with more painted walls, with furniture and books. A home. An abandoned home.

You let Sam’s hand go and turn your flashlight off since this room is basked by natural light that comes from the vents on the ceiling.

“I heard about places like this,” your dad comments as he slows his pace to study the room. “People went underground after Outbreak day. Built settlements.”

You hang your rifle around your shoulder and slowly begin to walk ahead to investigate more of this living space.

“What happened to them?” Ellie asks.

“Maybe they didn’t follow the rules and they all got infected,” your dad counters.

Or they got tired of underground living and left. That’s what you hope happened anyway.

“No way!” You hear Ellie exclaim, making you snap your head to her out of fear.

Yet when your eyes land on her, you see her and Sam around a small table checking out a comic book.

“I love these!”

Fuck.

You let out a relieved sigh and continue towards a shelf of records and movies. Ellie continues to talk, but you focus on the music and films that have collected dust, giving away the time of unuse; hinting mostly at how long this place has been abandoned.

“…fuck yeah man!”

“Hey, keep it down,” your dad cuts Ellie off. “We’re not out yet.”

There he goes…grumpy, and overly cautious.

“C’mon,” Ellie groans. “Can we just rest here for a while? There’s like, actually shit to do here.”

A certain movie called Curtis and Viper 2 grabs your attention, and makes you smile to yourself while they talked.

“Wouldn’t be so bad to wait the light out a bit,” Henry tries to persuade your dad. “Safer in shadows when we pop back out on the other side.”

You snatch the movie from the shelf and look over your shoulder to wait for your fathers response. And surprisingly he gives in, letting you focus back on the shelf of goodies.

Since the records take too much room in your pack you leave them behind unfortunately, and step over to the box of cassettes, finding many albums that you had left back home, some that were your favorite and haven’t heard in years.

You find books, two that practically caught your attention. You find accessories, and more stuff that you would have enjoyed when you were a little kid. Albeit you still do put on some heart shaped sunglasses for fun now.

And even if it’s a habit your father is used to or should be used to, he still questions your choice of accessory as you join him and Henry sitting around a table. “What are you wearin’?”

You grin and pull up a chair next to Henry. “Daddy, don’t they look great on me?”

Your dad scoffs and looks away. “Well it’s good to see you haven’t changed,” he mumbles whilst he hides his faint smile over the fact.

You grin and proceed to throw your backpack and gun down, to then rest your feet on Henry’s lap as you sit back on the chair. “Look what I found,” you bring up and put your stuff down to show them a pun book. “A pun book. These are so fun, you love these don’t you,” you point at your dad.

His gaze drifts back to you and his eyes narrow. “Y/N,” he mutters, but you ignore him and open the book to read a random joke.

“A book,” you begin to giggle. “A book just fell on my head. I only have myself to blame—“ you stop and snort. “Fuck! No, fuck I said that wrong,” you giggle some more and correct yourself. “A book just fell on my head…I only have my shelf to blame.” You look up and see your dad keep his arms crossed over his chest and his nonchalance on his face, so you look over at Henry, and see him smile.

“Yeah,” you mutter. “I ruined that one.” You scoff and flip the page to read another one. “Ah, another! I used to be addicted to soap,” you laugh softly and glance up at your audience. “But I’m clean now.” You laugh and actually hear Henry giggle.

“Next…” you flip the page and grin as you find a good one. “Do you know what’s not right?” You ask and look up as you press the book against your chest to wait for a response.

“Left,” Henry answers, making you beam and nod.

“Yeah, yeah, you get it,” you laugh. “That was a good one.” You close the book and shove it in your backpack. “I’ll say more later….Now.” You say and sit up to grab another book. “Look. Little Women, my favorite book. Which,” you point the book at your dad and Henry. “I made into a play back home a few years back…”

You miss your dads curious look as you mention that you have made a play since you continue to speak.

“…I’ll let y’all guess who I played.”

“The main character?” Henry probes.

You put the book down on the table and shake your head. “Nope. Read the book and you’ll know. And look,” you continue and lift a cassette. “ABBA, and Kate Bush, Hounds of Love album, I love Running up That Hill.”

“I swear you love every song,” Henry comments.

You shrug and smirk. “Yeah, pft, well there’s too many to choose from.” You bend down and pull out your Walkman to put in the Kate Bush tape.

“Actually, before you do that,” Henry mumbles. “I found you something,”

You blink and snatch your sunglasses off to look up at him without the dark tint.

“It reminded me of you,” he says timidly and leans closer to you to pin something on your poncho.

When he pulls his hand away, you look down and see a small little gold sun pin.

“Uh, you can pin it to your backpack, or I don’t know, keep it there, but I just wanted you to have it.”

You smile softly and look up at him to meet his soft enamored gaze.

“Thank you,” you whisper and grab his chin to caress it before you lean in and press a small kiss on his lips, forgetting in that moment that your father was nearby—“I love it.”

“Good,” Henry says. “Good.”

You both let your gazes linger for a moment longer before you grab your book to hide your giddy grin as you sit back. You then proceed to put on your earphones on, and press play on the music, but can’t stop smiling like a love struck idiot.

But maybe you are one though….

Anyway, you read some pages of the book and miss the conversation that your dad and Henry have, you don’t look up, or listen in. You don’t look up until Ellie and Sam playing across the room catch your attention.

And at first it was just a brief glance since you could hear them faintly through your music, but as you see that they’re playing soccer, as you see Sam trick Ellie to take the soccer ball away from her, you grow nostalgic and sad. You remember Sarah, again, this time more than ever. You remember playing soccer with her in the backyard of your house, you remember tricking her to steal her ball away; the memory plays faintly in your mind, bringing tears to your eyes.

You remember her smile, her laugh. You remember those simple days, and miss her, just like you do every single day that passes.

“…Y/N…”

You blink at the sound of your muffled name and look up, catching your dad standing by you now. You pull your earphones off and hum to probe.

“It’s time to go,” he says.

You draw in a deep shaky breath and nod in comprehension. He walks away and you sigh as you pull your legs off Henry’s lap to pack up your things now.

“I don’t think he likes me that much,” Henry whispers.

You glance over at him and then look at your dad walking to Ellie.

“Just,” you quickly try to assure Henry. “Give him time. He’s,” you smile. “He’s a hardass, but he will come around.” You zip up your backpack and pick it up, before grabbing your rifle off the ground to then stand up.

Henry stands up from the chair too and sighs.

“Come on,” you urge him softly. “Let’s get out of here.”

.

.

.

.

A/N- I don't want to write what follows…

A/N- Can you guess who y/n played in her Little Women play? (That part was added for a reason 😙)

Tagged- @slut-f0r-u @star-wars-lover @traceylader @givemylovetoall @itzagothamcitysiren @sammy-13 @beloved-reblogger @emiriia @rues-daya @sunfairyy @littleshadow17 @mcu-starwars @bigtuffswordboy @riaqiax @dheet @queenofthekill @joliettes @d4rno @dgraysonss @rana030 @punisherinthealps @pedropascalluvr41

[getsojaded]

you don’t go to parties || calum hood

word count: 2.3k+

warnings: ALCOHOL!!!! pls continue with caution if triggering. + swearing, and a fuck ton of angst. like a stupid amount. calum x she/her reader, lowercase intended!

a/n: guess what my fav song off 5sos5 is lol. i am so in love with this album so i quickly wrote this up xoxo

i still think about the times we were heavy

racehorse trippin' on the dirt that you got on me

vultures spinnin' up above of what's left of me

we go stupid every night, what a tragedy

“you are not about to take another shot,” calum’s slurred voice laughs at the girl beside him, as she attempts to make a clean pour into the small glass in front of her. needless to say, she didn’t do such a good job. that’s what happens when you’re one too many drinks in.

“you smoked four joints outside. i’m allowed to take as many shots as i want!” she responds, tilting her head back as the liquid runs down her throat, resulting in a sour face from y/n as she reaches for the closest bottle of coke.

a red, puffy eyed calum stumbles closer towards y/n and embraces her in a hug, kissing her temple. “we do this too much, don’t we?” he asks, as he sways their bodies back and forth.

“yeah, way too much..” she trails off, as the two get lost in the moment of each other, standing in the middle of the overcrowded kitchen.

the music is loud, the room is hot, there’s too many people, and there’s too many coloured lights flashing everywhere.

but calum and y/n didn’t care. staring into each others eyes with the widest grins plastered across their faces, they both knew that they wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

when you’re young, the number one rule you’re always told is have fun, you’re never gonna get these years back.

the pair made sure to do everything possible to make sure they wouldn’t regret it.

but being young doesn’t last forever.

in the blink of an eye, life changes and the real world is in front of you.

no more college parties getting absolutely shitfaced every weekend. no more spontaneous adventures in the middle of the night because you have nothing else to do. no more doing things that you shouldn’t be doing. no more distractions.

no more young love.

calum and y/n couldn’t have seen it coming at all.

but when you’re having as much fun as them two, who would’ve?

calum realized that school wasn’t for him, and started pursuing a music career with him and his friends that he met in college, who felt the same way as he did.

y/n on the other hand, was determined to earn her degree and make her family proud.

despite their differences, they had no doubts about keeping each other around. they loved one another, and that’s what truly matters, right?

so calum didn’t think too much of it when he started going to parties alone, when y/n declined because of her loads of homework piling up on top of another.

he always made sure to come back to her at the end of the night, holding her tight while she slept, burnt out from the thousands of words she read just hours before he came back to her dorm — he had practically moved in, although he wasn’t even in school anymore.

and it worked for them.

until they got older.

still so in love, they managed to get a place together after y/n graduated. and while y/n was out and about hunting for jobs, calum was in the studio with his band.

and whenever calum was in the studio with his band, it led to a party at the end of it. and he always made sure that his y/n was on his hip, as they drank and danced the night away together.

“they’re so cute,” luke chuckled as michael was pouring himself another drink, as they watched the two hold each other as they drunkenly sang the words to some old chris brown r&b love song — of course calum knew every word.

michael turns his head to the couple standing in the middle of the living room, and even though there’s a countless amount of people beside them, it feels like they’re the only two people in the room. “they’re forever. no doubt about it.” michael responds to the blonde boy sitting next to him, a little smile curved on his face.

–

i’m still here in the darkness

back where we started

you made me a heartless monster

i’m caught up in distractions

fatal attractions

i’m starting to come undone

it was so good.

it was so good, until it wasn’t.

when y/n started working full time, calum and his band still had nothing else to do. i mean, an album release and a world tour just before, you need some sort of a break.

y/n started working 9-5’s and calum was still showing up to functions without his plus one. one party turned into fifty parties, and next thing you know, it’s a surprise it calum makes it home before y/n goes to bed. y/n was so busy, she couldn’t even tell that calum had been going out so frequently until her first day off rolled around the corner.

and there she was, sitting in the middle of their shared apartment, watching tv and waiting for her boyfriend to come home.

she knew that she should go to bed; she had work the next day. but she’s never spent a day without at least knowing where he was. at least that’s what she thought.

calum rolls in around 3:00 am, stumbling into their home and kicking off his shoes. y/n rushes towards him to make sure he doesn’t fall, her arms wrapping around his body as he clutches onto her shoulders. “baby, you’re awake. it’s so late!” he slurs, kissing her on the cheek.

“i was waiting for you,” she whispers in response, assisting him in going upstairs. “does this happen every night?”

“only the nights you don’t come with me.”

“so… every night.”

–

calum’s never felt more pain in his life. yeah, he’s felt like shit when he’s throwing up outside some random person’s backyard, or when he loses his balance and falls face first into the pavement, but nothing could’ve prepared him for the moment that y/n walked out on him.

coincidentally, calum had no intentions of staying out past his studio session today. walking into their abode before midnight was now a rare occurrence, and it felt refreshing to calum as he drives home, the sky painted a pink and orange shade as the sun started to go down.

walking into his apartment and being greeted by duke — which hadn’t happened in quite a minute — the house was quiet.

i mean, when calum goes home, it’s always quiet. y/n’s always sleeping. but this silence felt eerie. from what calum was aware of, y/n had always liked to keep some music on throughout the house while she did her activities — work, cooking, showering, anything.

“y’know where mama is, duke?” calum asks the little dog in front of him, getting up from his knees and making his way up the stairs, duke following behind him as he opens the door to their bedroom.

there y/n is, sitting at her desk, with her laptop and various notebooks spread out. but her laptop isn’t turned on, and it doesn’t look like she’s doing anything. she’s just sitting there.

walking towards his girlfriend, he takes notice of a suitcase placed beside her desk, he dismisses it, and greets her with a kiss on the cheek. “hey baby, how’s your day been?”

she turns her chair to face him, getting a clear look of him before she starts to speak. “you’re here early.”

“yeah, nothing to do after the sesh today.”

“hey calum, let me ask you something.”

calum should’ve known something was off the moment she called him by his first name.

“yeah, what’s up?” he responds, throwing himself onto the bed and getting into a comfy position.

“when was the last time you actually bothered to have a conversation with me?”

“what?” he confusedly asked in response. “where is this coming from? i literally had one with you yesterday morning.”

“you said good morning to me, and proceeded to tell me that you were going to be home late. that’s not a conversation. in fact, that’s all you’ve been saying to me for the past four months.”

it's safe to say that y/n wasn't in the picture anymore.

after countless of apologies and promises from calum's side, she knew what was best for her – she knew that he was too late. so a few days after what y/n felt like the hardest, but at the same time, easiest breakup that she'd ever have to do, she gathered all her things. from the bedroom, to the bedroom, to the fucking kitchen, and left.

the fact that breaking up with him felt easy broke her heart in two.

she loved him. she loved him so fucking much. and he let her down. he disappointed her to a depth she would've never thought he would reach.

so she said her goodbyes to the fluffy little dog following her, kissing his soft head and whispering, "take care of him, okay?" with duke barking in response as she made her way towards the front door.

"goodbye, cal."

when calum came home to dead silence, he knew what had happened. doesn't mean he liked it, though.

rushing up the stairs to see an empty half of a bedroom and a cleaner, less product filled bathroom, he knew what she had done.

and there's nobody else to blame but himself.

–

and now it’s 5 am clinging to my couch

and everyone i ever knew is standing in my house

oh, i’m wondering who i’m looking for

cause you don’t go to parties anymore

i got the last five years running out my mouth

always stay too late, i should kick me out

oh, i'm wondering who i'm looking for

cause you don't go to parties anymore

describing calum as a fucking wreck was an understatement. all that man did was party, after all. but this was getting out of hand.

luke, ashton, michael, and even their fucking partners tried talking to calum to try and get him out of this excessive phase. "there's better ways to handle this," michael would tell calum when he catches him in a sober state.

"she's gone because this was all i did," calum would respond. "i have no reason to stop now."

and everyday, you would catch calum at some random los angeles party. it could be a distant mutuals, a random person's, or even his own.

sometimes it would be his own house a little too much – he couldn't handle the loneliness.

which explains calum's extreme lack of sobriety in his backyard, going on a tangent about the mistakes he's made.

the poor, unlucky guy taking a seat next to calum on the couch was not prepared for calum's behaviour.

"is she here?"

"who's here?"

"y/n, my ex."

"sorry dude. don't think so."

"we were together for five fucking years. five years and i fucked it all up. it's all my fault, and i'm never gonna get her back. i miss her so much, i'm never gonna be the same without her," calum pours his heart out to the complete stranger sat beside him, taking another swig from the bottle of tequila he was holding.

the backyard is filled with so many people, and it's almost a challenge to walk around, yet his eyes are still looking for the girl that got away, while he continues to talk about her.

luke walks over to the couch that calum and the unfamiliar person are seated on. "hey, is he bothering you?" luke asks, earning a chuckle from the guy. "nah, at least not yet. he's just been.. talking about his ex."

luke sighs, rubbing his forehead. "yeah man, i'm sorry you had to hear all that. he's been like this for way too long now, doing the same shit every night. i've had to drag him out of people's houses in the middle of the night a couple times 'cause he had no other way home."

"damn.. she really did a number on him, huh?" stranger responds, luke nodding. "i understand why she left, and i think he does too," he points to calum. "he's just having a hard time accepting it."

calum turns towards both boys sitting beside him with an upset expression plastered all over his face. "of course i'm having a hard time accepting it! it's all my fault! i drove away the only girl i'd ever been in love with and i'll never be able to get her back!" the drunk, heartbroken boy explains, finishing the last of his bottle before kicking it onto the ground, away from him.

as the early morning creeped up and his house got more and more empty, the three boys decided to stay back and help him clean up, knowing that the host himself won't be able to.

"feels like we've been cleaning forever." luke mindlessly says, checking the time. "holy shit. 5 am."

"we need to do something about this, he can't keep doing this to himself." ashton frustratedly stats, picking up what felt like the 500th solo cup on the ground.

"what's it gonna take for him to listen? we've tried so hard." michael says, gathering all the empty bottles of alcohol and throwing them into his recycling bin.

"we all know who he's gonna listen to. but i doubt that she'll ever want to speak to him again."

as the trio take a look at the man currently sprawled against the now empty couch, he begisn to stir, and slowly opens his eyes.

"this," ashton points to the situation in his backyard, "needs to fucking stop. i don't know how many times we have to tell you this."

"i know man, i know. i'm sorry. thank you for helping me clean." calum sheepishly says, now feeling embarrassed at his three best friends stand in front of him in disappointment.

"did, did she show?" calum speaks up again, the tiniest glimmer of hope laced in his voice.

"no. you should know this. she doesn't go to parties anymore."

[poemnic-tarot]

The Next 3 months Forecast - Timeless PAC Reading⛅️🍎

(Disclaimer: This is a general reading please only take what resonate. For entertainment purposes only)

⭐️ 🫧 ✨ ✿ 🌧 You Are Loved ⭐️ 🫧 ✨ ✿ 🌧

Check out my master list: PAC Reading Master List

This is a PAID Reading example!!!!. If you resonate with is you can order a paid reading from me exactly like this here: Paid Reading

Don't forget to save it! screenshot for future Guidance!!

This is a Timeless PAC Reading, it will apply to whatever time you are reading this.

⭐️ 🫧 ✨ ✿ 🌧 You Are Loved ⭐️ 🫧 ✨ ✿ 🌧

Pile 1🫧❄️

Energy check : The frog

"Treat yourself like how you want your parent to treat you"

Pile 1 you might feel a bit conflicted between to keep going or stopping or resting for a while. It is conflicting to you because you feel quite burdensome, like you have a lot of things to do and on your plate.You may have a conscious or unconscious high expectation of yourself to get everything done, even-though you don't really feel like it at all. You might feel depleted and in need of a break and it is vital that you do so. We cannot run with an empty fuel or even if we do we won't go far either.

It is time to nourish yourself with self care activities that you might have been putting off. Put down worries and stress for a while and if resting make you feel guilty, it is also the perfect time to examine on the reason why that is. Rest is your birth right, no need to earned it.

Pile 1 if this is your current energy then these are your next 3 months.

(Remember energy is alway shifting and changing depending on our present decisions)

❄️🫧1st Month - 5 of swords🫧❄️

"Freeing yourself was one thing, claiming ownership of that freed self was another" - Toni Morrison

The Artist greatest tortured has alway been the process of creation. It is when we have no idea if what we are currently working on will turn out like we hope for/or expected. That is how life is, a process, a work in progress. Remember that there is no destination to reach. It is indeed the journey that we must focus on.If things are up in the air right now and nothing has been decide yet, it is only because we ourself haven't make that decision. And deciding what to do is part of the process, instead of attaching fear, insecurity, nervousness, certainly uncertainty, around the process of not knowing yet. We can rewrite the story by changing it to anticipation, into excitement and entertaining what life have to offer you. Your life story is yours and you can change the genres at anytime.Is this life a tragedy?, a mystery?, a love story?, an adventure or just a slice of life. Whatever it is, you decide. By changing our perspective we changed our story suddenly.

And there is power in choosing, in giving yourself choices. God like power equivalent. There's a lot of fears attach to giving ourself choices that's why not a lot of people do it. "I don't have a choice" is a common phrase because it is easier to have everything up to fate. This is the time/opportunity to ask yourself what you want your fate to look like?. Freewill is on your side and whatever you decided, that is your fate. We do not know our fate by searching. We know our purpose by already done the deed then we decided that THIS is what we want to do. I want to do this, I choose this =your fate. Fate follow your decision. How many times/area in our life where we can 100 percent said that we choose this ourself?.

We are finally free from the unconscious drive, now it is time to live with intention. And that might feel uncomfortable and even hard but trusting in yourself is key. They say knowing is half the battle, so know thy self. Getting to know who you really are, what you really want to do will help you navigate this time easier.The most important thing is, you don't need to figure out the outcome of your decision or how it's going to turn out. All you need to make sure is that do you want to do this?.

Advice from Whispers Of Love Oracle: 14. Ask for help

'What do you really need? be willing to accept support. There is so much support available to you. You only need to ask for help and you will receive it. Let go of fear and pride as they do not benefit you nor give you what you desire.'

Signs: 555, 1414, fishes, island, blue, water, Pisces, Aquarius

Songs: Is it love by Loreen

You'll find me in the echo of the dark Workin' on the riddle of your heart Lost you in a maze, now let me out Is it love? Is it love? Is it love?

Poem: Will You Fight? by @cant-find-my-name There's no beauty in this pain if incarnation exists I wish to never feel it again Life too hurt to live I have nothing else left to give Put me out of my mystery I demand to be free All these trials and tribulations You think you won't get over them But you did before So what's another one? But they go on and on You realised it won't be done The hardship are endless I have been giving my best That's the circle of life Will you give up now Or will you continue to fight?

Quote from Pinterest:

🎐✨2nd Month - The fool ✨🎐

"It's okay that you're not who you thought you would be".

This is the time for experiment, for adventures, of discovering who you decided to be. We are alway learning about ourself so don't be surprise when a new side popped up. Be curious. What identity/story /belief are we so attach to or that we keep telling ourself?. I'm not the type to do that, or I cannot do this because I am not XYZ enough. How about we see ourself as a blank canvas for a change and that the empty space is not to be fear but to be fills with infinite possibilities. To achieve or want something new, firstly we must also become someone we never been before. For example, if you want to be a healthy person who is fit, then become someone who frequent the gym or do workouts. It mean tuning our frequency to match the vibrations of our desire outcome. For the little things and the big ones.

This world is our playground, this world is our oyster, and we are an avatar whose here to learn and have fun and become as many things as possible. Non attachment is key towards outcome, identity or how the story will unfolds. We do not know what will happen but one thing we know for sure is that every new day is a new lesson to learn from.

Embodies the energy of creation/ take inspiration from around you. Everything you go through or witness have a connection towards you one way or the other. Any ideas/creative projects that suddenly strike you is no coincidence, it find you deliberately. Every things that has been created was an idea once and if there's one that has found you, do not be afraid to answer the call. Be curious.

Advice from Whispers Of Love Oracle: Have faith. Trust your faith in this situation.

"When we honestly believe things will work out, our faith will confidently see us through. It can be challenging to move forward when you aren't sure what the outcome will be. Stay present with whatever is in front of you right now. You may have doubts or fear when you take a step forward or make a decision, but faith gives you the courage to continue"

Signs: daisy, dandelion, Sun, tiger, Golden butterfly, golden wings, crocodile, balloon, 33, yellow

Song: Coming back for you by Fireboy DML

Well I pray that the universe Gives you way more than you deserve When the tears fall like shooting stars Remember who you are Just look up to the sky you'll see

Poem: Who You Can Be by @cant-find-my-name

When you stop holding tight To who you thought you were And instead be open to new

Possibilities of you Then you'll see Who you truly are Or can become Weak foundation must be undone Old identity forgotten Mind full of limitations Cannot attract abundance Because you are not open To receive them It's time to wake up and see See the possible version Of Who You Can Be

Quote from Pinterest:

🍭🍡3rd month - 2 of wands🍡🍭

"Every next level of your life will demand a different you".

Pile 1, in this time the way forward is open for you. Keep your momentum. You are unstoppable. Your energy is unstoppable. You are a force to be reckon with, take action towards your visions. If you have vision/ideas, a dream reality, this is the time to take action towards it. The need for movement is not from doubt or fears. From now on, 'I want to act with love' and you might learn that the decisions and action after that will be different than the way you operate before. Because when you operate from love, there's a certain confident, an inner knowing and an unshakable faith that everything is going to be alright. Because it has alway been that way.

Everything in this universe is right, nothing is wrong. When you realise that, whatever action you take, will alway be the right one. You will be able to clearly see the Success in your ventures as you move forward. The picture you painted in your head is coming together in real life. This reality is unfolding in a way that you alway know to be true. In a way, deep inside you know that this universe has alway favour you. Everything is working for you, it is time to accept this truth and work for ourself.

There will be a lot of energy within us this month, use this wisely to propel our goals forward, in any area of our life.

Richard L. Evans Quote: “Your direction is more important than your speed.”

When you finally pick a direction walk towards it with head held high. You choosing your own path/way is already success in itself.

Stars Dragons Oracle quote - Find your light and follow it home - until you realised that with every step you are already there.

Advice from Whispers Of Love Oracle: 24. Focus on love. Look for the good in everyone.

"Focusing on the love will change and heal any negativity that is there.How you perceive a situation has a lot to do with how you feel about them."

Signs: Letter JJ, orange, sunset, Dragons, lantern, 2423,

Songs: Rise by League of Legends, Mako, and The Word Alive

Higher and higher you chase it It's deep in your bones, go and take it This is your moment, now is your time, so Prove yourself and RISE, RISE Make 'em remember you RISE Push through hell and RISE, RISE They will remember you RISE

Poem: Confident by @cant-find-my-name

So this is what confident feels like It's no longer undefined It's no longer random burst Unexpected, at the mercy of when it Will emerge Now I can call on it Anytime At the tip of of my fingers At the top of my tongue My body oozes of confident Trust in oneself is the definition To give it my all To not hesitate or keep myself small With my inner strength With all my might I will stand tall In the front line and face it all

Quote from Pinterest:

⭐️ 🫧 ✨ ✿ 🌧 You Are Loved ⭐️ 🫧 ✨ ✿ 🌧

Pile 2🌦🌕

Energy check : The wolf

"I understand if the wound is greater than an apology can cure"

Pile 2 You might be dealing with disappointment right now. If something or someone has turn out differently then you expected, this is an opportunity to let go. We think we might have a great idea of someone and if that person deviate from our view of them, life might suddenly does not make sense. That someone can also be yourself. If things or person actions does not make sense to you, we can only ask ourself if we align with their actions or not. We can't control people but we can control how we response to them. We human are a unique individual but we are not that different from each other. WE all have the same fundamental needs, the need to belong, the need to be loved, the need to fulfils our own desires, the need for stability/security.

What motive/base intention drive you?, and people close to you. The base alway determine the action. And what kind of action are you okay/align with to fulfils that particular need of yours. And what actions simply doesn't.

For you, the end doesn't justify the means. Even if the intention is good but the action to fulfil that needs is hurting you in some way either from others or even yourself, it is okay to acknowledge that that is not the way you want to proceed. Understanding what you can or cannot tolerate is key.

Pile 2 if this is your current energy then these are your next 3 months.

(Remember energy is alway shifting and changing depending on our present decisions)

✉️🪄1st month - 7 of pentacles🪄✉️

"You can try again tomorrow"

Pile 2 You have infinite chances.You might be questioning where is your reward for all the hard work you did?.The real question is, how can I become the things I want?. People might not realise it but even with the desires for material goals or material obtainment is to fulfil a certain need/emotion within us. For example, stable income for the feeling of security, a physical home to fulfils the feeling of belonging. We do not need to wait until obtaining those things to feel that particular emotions. We can cultivate a sense of security within us now. If you seek abundance, embody it, become it because you are what you attract.

We must ask ourself why we made importance certain goals in our life. And if our efforts did not show case in obtaining that goals, do we lose something in the process?. There is never a lost in trying and if you have try, you have already gain. Wisdom, lessons, getting to know another side of yourself. Different situations bring out a different you, different outcome bring out a different you. It ask you what do you truly value?, your hard work or the result of it?. Aren't both equally important?. So why do we disregard one when the ending is not what we expected?. If the same way hasn't work for you before, why not try a different way?. What are we trying to achieve here?. Who are we becoming in the process while we pursue our goals? do we feel lighter or heavier?. You have work hard to become who you are today, but strip away the obvious, who are you really?. What is your soul like?. Do you know what your soul feel like?. If the situation seem like it isn't working for you, it time to take back your power and make it work for you.

Advice from Whispers Of Love Oracle: 33. Appreciate this moment. Every situation is an opportunity to grow and find love.

"Challenging circumstances rarely make sense at the time. It is important to face what is happening so you can learn the lessons. Ask the angels to show you what is important in this moment."

Signs: 333, Conch shell, seashells, angels, archangel Ariel, Yellow

Song: Thank God I Do by Lauren Daigle

I've started breathing The weight is lifted here With You, it's easy My head is finally clear There's nothing missing When You are by my side I took the long road But now I realize I'm home with You, I'm home

Poem: Why isn't That Me? by @cant-find-my-name

I look up at the sky And saw people fly My immediate thought was Why isn't that me? What else do I need to feel more free? To feel happy What is the formula for greatness? And why don't I have it? My confident is all but a grand Emulation What do I lack that they don't? How can they spread their wings without care And why don't I dare Going for it too? Is it hard work or talent Or is it bravery or passion? Both which I can't find within me So if I want to be up there too I have to find the success recipe I need to solve this inner Mystery

Quote from Pinterest:

🍓🫧2nd month - King of pentacles🫧🍓

"Because we can't see what's ahead, you have to trust that dots will somehow connect in your future"

Pile 2 This is the month to build a strong foundation on what you valued, what you truly believe in. We managed to get this far but we know we can go much farther. This life is a journey and in a way you have "made it". The trust you have in yourself never lead you astray. Your faith in your visions, instinct, your own path will alway lead you home. In a way, you were never lost, you alway know where you are heading to.

This has been a long journey for you but it is a worthwhile one. You have achieved so much, time to acknowledge THAT. You know who you are, you are stable inside yourself, you trust your path like never before. And it is these differences in you that will transformed your outer reality. As above so below, as within so with out. You can clearly see in front of you now, no obstruction, no confusion. You alway know that there's no need to rush, it is not the destination but the journey that is the most exhilarating and satisfying.The fulfilment is in the way there, life is a never ending journey and you cannot wait to invent a new path for yourself to embark on.

Slow and steady win the race. and you know that wherever it is you're suppose to go, you are never late. You are alway on time. And having fun, taking in the view, smelling the roses, on your way there is what define your experiences more than the destination.Life become fulfilling to you now as you seek more experience that feeds you rather than deplete you.

"I don't want to feel better, I want to know better. I should have known that God is not in the meal but in the sharing of the meal. I should have told you that holiness resides in needing each other, in acts of survival made generous."

Julian K. Jarboe ( I saw this post in tumblr and was call to put it here)

Advice from Whispers Of Love Oracle: 28. The union of Hearts. A love connection defies explanation.

"It is important to recognise the significance love has in your life. Shift your attention to the essentials in your relationships. Celebrate the wealth of love present in your life. This card is prompting you to redirect your awareness from your goals and desired outcomes, onto your relationships."

Signs: 111, 88, 28, constellation, Centaurus, open fields, Black knight, shield

Song: At All Costs by Ariana DeBose and Chris Pine

If happiness was a tangible thing It would be you If you'd have told me the feeling you'd bring I'd think it untrue And people search for a wonder like you All of their lives You still amaze me after all this time

Poem: This is Truly Tragic by @poemnic-tarot

Have I been worried about the result? Anxious about the outcome? And in the in between time Missed all the fun? Mind, what a tragedy This is truly tragic I've only lived for fleeting moments That in the big Picture Doesn't contribute to anything Now I get it, I will try not to live in stress Of course I have my worries But now I know when To let it rest

Quote from Pinterest:

❄️💫3rd Month - 7 of swords💫❄️

"One can be the master of what one does, but never of what one feels"

Pile 2 in this month you might feel quite independent. It is encourage you to go your own path. Solitute or spending time by yourself might be what you needed. No need to be agreeable with people if you have a different opinion. You learn more by listening, especially listening to what's not being said. If there is a revelation or a certain truth or even a shift in perspective revealing themselves this time we can take our time to come to term with it. No need to react right away, or identify with it. We can observe the behaviours of other to determine if it align with us. Feeling differently than what we should feel doesn't mean we are wrong or that we should conform. Accepting our individuality is key, our uniqueness is what will set us free.

If something is crumbling down let it fall. You cannot save a fake foundation. You know the truth will alway come out, and the truth is never meant to hurt you, but only to set you free. Free from flock mentality or the matrix. When you have seen you cannot unseen. And how ever you feel about it is up to you and yours alone no need to hold back on our feeling or frustration, or anger.

Original path mean designing your own blueprint. If this world seem fake to you suddenly, know that your mind, your belief is what makes your reality. Your belief will set your path, do you believe in freedom?. Because it become yours when you believe in it. You are not trap here, you are on a solo journey. Hang in there, discard the need for things to make sense. YOUR REASON can be different from other people that's why you are leading a different life than other people. You are the truth that this world need, if this world is filled with illusion, you are the real gold among plastic. A truth seeker, a truth speaker. Observe the truth, find it, become it.

Signs: 777, snow, white, crescent moon, Hummingbird, morning glory, sea, blue flowers, lava, magma, a record player

Advice from Whispers Of Love Oracle: 31. Love makes the difference. love helps heal past hurts and provides a sense of security and self - worth.

"Love is strong and can endure anything. if you trust love everything else will fall into place.When there are challenges, it is important to keep your heart open."

Song: Hummingbird by James Blake and Metro Boomin

And hummingbird I know that's our time (that's our time) But stay on Stay on, stay on with me And hummingbird I can never unsee What you've shown me Stay on, stay on with me

Poem: Four Of Wands by @cant-find-my-name

With hopeful seed You planted your needs And wish them well Hoping they grow To abundance more For you to sell But What are flowers? And what are weed? Which shall you keep? Which is which? You cannot tell In Four Of Wands You have built But slowly, reality seeps in Like stained water, dripping into your ideal dreams Your house must sustain Strong concrete standing Firm foundation as storm rolled in It won't be blown apart As you will make sure That you're not building a house of cards

Quote from Pinterest:

⭐️ 🫧 ✨ ✿ 🌧 You Are Loved ⭐️ 🫧 ✨ ✿ 🌧

🌸⚡️Pile 3⚡️🌸

Energy check: The Lion

"This moment will just be another story someday"

"You can try again tomorrow"

Pile 3, you might be feeling sad or nostalgic lately. But there's no specific situation to cause this particular emotion.You might be feeling like you have outgrown your environment and people around you. You feel like you cannot relate to your usual people, things, or even hobby. What you used to vibe with, there isn't the same connection there anymore. You feel like the same things, people , places just doesn't do it for you anymore.

This is because you have gone through a massive transformation. You have ascended spiritually, at first internally, then the outer reality will let you know that it's time to go. You feel like the same thing does not satisfied you anymore. In a way, your soul is seeking something new, a new adventure, a new challenge. You are ready for the next level. You will slowly transition to new things naturally as the same old routine, hobby, places you used to frequent will not quench that thirst of yours.

Yes, it's okay to feel sad, even grieving the past, but also you can celebrate. You made it Pile 3, you have mastered your growth. A new chapter is awaiting you. In fact, you are already on your way there, the feeling of dissatisfaction is the first clue.

Song: The Hills by Rachel

Have you ever noticed That your house don't feel like home? (Home, home) In a room that you've outgrown Scrubbing at the writing on the walls (walls, walls) Everybody's been there So you try your best to leave (leave, leave) I was told the grass is greener But it's just a fantasy, it seems

Pile 3 if this is your current energy then these are your next 3 months.

(Remember energy is alway shifting and changing depending on our present decisions)

🍏✨1st month - 7 of pentacles✨🍏

"Stretching his hand up to reach the stars, too often man forget the flower at his feet."

Pile 3, this is the month of appreciation. You do not need to look far to feel satisfied. We can concentrate on what we don't have yet, who we want to be with, where we want go. Those empty spaces are not a representation of how worthy you are or not. You are worthy as you are, with or without what you seek. Put in effort and focus on what you actually vibe with. Ask yourself what you rather be doing. Work smarter not harder. You know you can do it when you decide to. Trust that whatever you put efforts in it will grow. Just like how you did yourself. Energy flow where attention goes.

You witness the result in yourself, when you poured into your self you notice how much you grow. Everything in life is like a plant, a tree, or a flower. Everything we want to build need focus, attention, efforts and energy, as well as the right environment and nutrient. Whether that is people, project, work or habits. Adjust accordingly, what do you need the most right now. To feel better physically?, rest, to grow a business? consistency. We know what everything need in order to become the beautiful flower we know it would. Give yourself three things this month Pile 3, Time, Patient and faith. When you apply this to your self or the things you want, you have everything. You reap what you sow, anything you focus on and put energy in will eventually grow. No matter how slow, the flower will inevitably bloomed.

Advice from Whispers Of Love Oracle: 30. True Love. this love is once in a life time.

"Unconditional love is easier said than done. maintaining the love in a relationship takes more than good intentions. Positive intentions are a solid first step, but it is better to learn how to nurture your relationship each day."

Signs: 144, 72, 11, letter T, Pig, white snake, fireworks, better late than never, guitar, Elf, Ocean waves, sparrow

Song: On The Ground by Rosé

I worked my whole life Just to get right, just to be like "Look at me, I'm never coming down" I worked my whole life Just to get high, just to realize Everything I need is on the Everything I need is on the ground

Poem: Skills and Hard Work by @cant-find-my-name

Take up the skills and Devoured it Eat it up for breakfast The component you have it The natural talent and hard work Two plus two equals Our passionate love It's not hard at all It's who I am My habit is practice Putting formulas together For my benefit I want to conquered the world Then so be it If I can't make bread from scratch Then Victory? Forget about it

Quote from Pinterest:

🐇🌙2nd Month - The Tower🌙🐇

"Biggest lesson: Don't ever think it can't happen to you."

"Remember how far you've come instead of how far you've to go"

Pile 3, in this month you must remember that everything is going according to plan. It might not seem so but we have to accept that we are not all knowing. All we can focus on is trust in the process. Notice how every time we ask/pray for something we get the opposite?. For example, you wish for true authentic love, the universe will reveal where that is not present.Maybe even magnify it to you where true love isn't.A big red arrow pointing to show you that what you pray for is alway there, but we must transformed it into exactly what we ask for.

Keep calm and continue what you're doing. If the ground you're standing on is crumbling, let it fall. You asked for this.There's a quote that goes something like this"people witness The violent it take to change but no one knows the violent it takes to stay the same" Choose your hard. Nothing is wrong. Everything is right within this universe. What you're witnessing is transformation. The cocoon is transforming into a butterfly. But in between that, how violent, chaotic is the change?. Transformation is not pretty, it might even look like destruction. No matter what's it look like this month, remember that the transformation is alway in your favour.Keep that in mind. When the planet moves, it move in your favour, it moves for your greatest good. The process of transformation is not for the feint of heart, it require trust and calmness and the ability to breathe as illusion breaks.

'Demolish the fortress of yourself so that your truth may flow free from the ruins.' explanation of the Tower card from Tarot of Stars eternal.

Advice from Whispers Of Love Oracle: 15.Practice Compassion. See things from a fresh perspective. Love and compassion always bring positive outcomes.

Signs: Red, purple, Mars, Fire signs, blue tit, blue feather, blue crystal cluster, forget me not, blue rose

Song: We Are The Champions by Queen

I've taken my bows And my curtain calls You brought me fame and fortune And everything that goes with it I thank you all But it's been no bed of roses No pleasure cruise I consider it a challenge before The human race And I ain't gonna lose

Poem: Peace Will Find You Somehow by @cant-find-my-name

If you're scare of things going wrong Then, you're scare of living Cause life will almost alway goes wrong Darling, Your lesson here is to learn To be okay with chaos Cause it will happen Or happening There is no stopping Peace cannot be found when all is all Peace can be found now Even in the midst of War During bloodshed and Violence All around If you take a deep breath Plant both feet on the ground Even then Peace will find you somehowQuote from Pinterest:

☘️🌾3rd Month - 6 of cups🌾🍀

Pile 3, this is an intense time for you. Where you feel everything so deeply, you might notice that every senses is intensify.Your taste buds, scent of smell, especially your emotions. When you're happy it's so high and when you're low it's so low. This might feel like a rollercoaster time period. Pleasure and pain goes hand in hand, you could say one cannot exist without the other. But we do not have to be at the mercy of pleasure or pains. They do not or should not define our life experiences. Everything in this UNIVERSE is neutral. You are the one defining your experience as pleasure or pain or even both. It's doesn't have to be either or, it can be either and.

What experiences do you categorise as painful and which are defined to you as pleasurable?. It possible to have both in one day, if you define today as painful you have already limited it capacity. To define is limit. Remember you can have both in one, if this day start as not so good, the rest can change to better. You are the one who define your experience not the other way around.

You can either see the experiences you had as a mistake, or a lesson to learn or grows from. There is no mistake or accident in this universe, everyone you meet or everything you've been through is to shape you to who you are. Ask yourself who you want to become, and see every experience after that as a lessons to help you transform into that person. Reconnect to joy not pain.

Advice from Whispers Of Love Oracle: 3.Back to what you love. Re-evaluate your desires.

"You are meant to live a life of happiness. Bliss, love, relationship and wealth are your fate. you can change your mind at any time and do something you have always longed to. when you do something you love, you reconnect to your bliss."

Signs: 33, scorpion, dove, Video games, Playground, tree roots, 66

Song: You say by Lauren Daigle

I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I'm not enough Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low Remind me once again just who I am because I need to know Ooh-oh You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing You say I am strong when I think I am weak And you say I am held when I am falling short And when I don't belong, oh You say I am Yours And I believe (I) Oh, I believe (I) What You say of me (I) I believe

Poem: Turn It Around by @cant-find-my-name

Turn it around You have it the ability Trust it you do Turn Negative into Positive If that is too much Turn it neutral Nothing is against you It is all a projection Or your bias assumption As well as Misplace subjection In the grand schemes of things You are fine, you are doing alright Maybe you expect too much, Maybe you were expecting fireworks and parade To indicate Victory But small wins count The fact that you are here today Is proof enough for you to seeQuote from Pinterest:

⭐️ 🫧 ✨ ✿ 🌧 You Are Loved ⭐️ 🫧 ✨ ✿ 🌧

🫑Pile 4🐁🌽

Energy check - The Bear, Whale

"Getting no message is also a message" Pile 4 you just ended a big cycle recently and it was tiring. It was a long arduous journey. You might feel like you just run a marathon or the equivalent. Maybe in the outer reality it seem like you haven't done much but, energetically, you have just transmuted a big, big cycle. Well done. Great job.

When you decided that you deserve something better, instead of keeping yourself small, you want to not only survive but thrive. The inner work come first. And the inner work was the hardest part.You passed the hardest part, take a rest and give your self a pat on the back. You might think there's still things you want to do to build to try and you will.Look how far you have come. But we must acknowledge all that we did first before we can move on.

You have an inner knowing inside you that you want to follow, you know your purpose and you are eager to start. Preparation is key. Just like before running a marathon you must first train your stamina, your body, have a consistent routine, adjust habit accordingly, and whatever else you need in order to start your race and move forward in that direction.What small little foundation that need to be done in order for you to run a marathon? to start running?.

Song: Rise by Katy perry

I won't just survive Oh, you will see me thrive Can't write my story I'm beyond the archetype I won't just conform No matter how you shake my core 'Cause my roots, they run deep, oh

Pile 4 if this is your current energy then these are your next 3 months.

(Remember energy is alway shifting and changing depending on our present decisions)

🍥🪶1st month - The fool🪶🍥

Pile 4, this is a big month for you. This is where your journey start. You might feel magic in the air. Literal electric charge in the atmosphere. Luck is on your side. This is a favourable time for you to embark on the path that you alway dream of. Everyone have that thing on their mind, secret desires or wishes that seem impossible every time we think about it ( for example, moving to another country, change job) Do you have something like that in your heart?. This month is when we face it, surrender to it calling. We are finally answering and asking our desires what does it want us to do?. Give me the first step and I'll take it.Start your preparation to stay ready (for example, moving to another country, research the visa, law, and documentation etc,) What else should we do except follow our soul?.

Fear, doubts, is a natural part of life but they will be taking a backseat while you are literally flowing, walking on air, walking on water as you call it. Your intuition is quite strong and it's important to let it lead you at this time. Nothing have to make sense. We don't have to know everything, just the next step is enough. We don't have to know where we're going, that's part of the fun. You had ended a big cycle recently and if you were wondering, when will the next one start?because it starting to feel stale in the old chapter.

This is the time of a new chapter for you and it might seem like everything is up in the air, but that usually how everything start. Let the positive energy and the dawn enveloped you. Feel the sun on your skin and bask in your New world.Every new path is a path back home and home is where your heart is.

Advice from Whispers Of Love Oracle: 3. Back to what you love. Evaluate your desires.

"You can change what you are doing at any time. You do not have to feel stuck. Go back to what you know and, more importantly to what you love."

Signs: Pink, Green,1010. Dove, golden energy, roses, sun

Song: The Last Of The Real Ones by Fall Out Boy

I was just an only child of the universe And then I found you And then I found you You are the sun and I am just the planets Spinning around you Spinning around you You were too good to be true Gold plated But what's inside you But what's inside you I know this whole damn city thinks it needs you But not as much as I do As much as I do, yeah

Poem: Divine’s Call by @cant-find-my-name

Heavy rain calls for Lightning

But it’s hard to predict when the strike

Will come

You hardly would miss the Rumblings

The electric energy as charged as the sun

You know we will intervene

For the greatest good of all

It’s time to step out into this world

Instead of keeping yourself

Small

You know you can conquered earth

Ocean, Heavens

You did it many times before

And each time

Your name will never be mistaken

As nothing but

The Divine’s Call

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🌸🌕2nd month - 7 of Cups🌕🌸

“It was never a question of biology of nature or nurture. I know now that we heal up through being loved and through loving others”

Pile 4, Watch out for this month. There might be a lot of distraction. A lot of people or even tasks that might asked for your attention and it is important to be extra discerning this month. For we might find that the month has passed by and you might feel like you haven't got anything you want done.Things that you resonate with. If you want to finish a project, a book, a new hobbies/skills be mindful of how much time and energy you're putting in. Because if you find that the progress is slow, we must be realistic and ask ourself did we poured that much energy in it? if not then we might want to do more of it.

There might be a lot of options coming to you this month but the most important thing to keep in mind is, to choose the option that is the most rejuvenating, healing, the option that pour into you or return your energy. Whether that is people, project, jobs, friends, events etc. There is only one rule for you, do I feel drained or rejuvenate with this?. What would a person who love themselves do? Ask yourself this question again and again no matter what situation you are in, because the answer to it is the clarity you're looking for to avoid confusion. If you feeling extra muddy and blurry on your choices this month, do not make any important decision. Give your self time and patient and never pressure yourself to quickly choose, Because you have time alway.

If anything or anyone doesn't give you time and pressure you to choose quickly or threaten that it will be gone, whether it is a job, person etc. Do we want to associate with something that does not give us time to think about it? because what meant for you will never pass you by. Pile 4, what is yours will only wait for you.

Advice from Whispers Of Love Oracle: 15. Practice compassion. see things from a fresh perspective.

"Walking in someone else's shoes can bring us to a tender understanding that may always bring positive outcomes."

Signs: blue tit, crystal Geode, squirrel, Wind chimes, ocean waves

Song: LIMBO by Keshi

I've just been goin' through motions, back and forth like a ocean I am a fraud, I am the shit, hoping that nobody notice Bang chest in the morning, head down in the night Drink less if I wanted, strike up with a light And square up, I'm the mightiest Myself in the fight, hurt twice, but I tried it No advice for this shit, might die for this shit Do I feel alive, feel alive, feel alive?

Poem: Blue Or Red? by @cant-find-my-name

Feeling lost but I know I am guided I don't hold the map I followed the stars The constellations showed me the path Only I can see I choose to go my own way And the journey is lonely And vicious Many times, I've thought to maybe Stop And let the conventional normalcy Control me Like everyone else Being different made you a target Everyone chooses Blue But I said Red Now they can all see My choice in all it's glory They all went for ordinary But I decided to create my own Fate

Quote from Pinterest:

🎏🪄3rd Month - Ace of Wands🪄🎏

"You don't notice your progress in life because you are always raising the bar"

Pile 4, Fist of all for this month please recognised that you have done a lot, You have come so far and this need to be recognised especially this month, by you. You might feel inspired to start a new project, new hobby or even a new chapter in life. One of the reason might be because you have clear out a lot of old energy, whether that is old relationship, friendship, past wounds, etc. You did so much to be at a place of non attachment. A blank/clean slate, you might feel like nothing is holding you back anymore, you might find that it's easier to go for or do the things you've alway wanted. And you are right. You can use this fearless/bold energy to birth that creative project, or book that ticket of yours. Whatever it is follow your courage and inspired action for it will lead you to the answer you might not know you seek.

In the past you might have asked yourself what am I doing this for?, why do I keep going? or why am I fighting so hard for my dream? These might be your question in the past that will be reveal to you this month. You will know why you chose what you've chosen. This is what you were seeking without knowing. This is what you were waiting for, your signs, your signal, your path. And when you encounter it you will not miss it or mistaken it for anything. Whether that is a person, a career, a life purpose, or even where you will live. And this meeting will set fire to your soul and ignited your passion once more. Which will propel you towards a new, long, but promising future/chapter. Please look out for it but do not seek it, it will find you especially when you feel inspired to act suddenly. Let your soul take the lead this month and watch it surprise you. Watch out for an important person, partnership, soul family this month, wink wink.

Advice from Whispers Of Love Oracle: 27 Spiritual Connection. A relationship has a connection that goes beyond this lifetime.

"Everything happens for a reason. Some people come into your life to help you learn a lesson and they will make a real impact on your life. Whether it be with a lover, a primary partner or in a relationship for growth, a spiritual connection is important to you now."

Signs: Wands, Red, green, 444, 27, Saturn, crown chakra, Purple

Song: Taylor Swift - Begin Again

And you throw your head back laughing Like a little kid I think it's strange that you think I'm funny, 'cause He never did I've been spending the last eight months Thinking all love ever does Is break and burn, and end But on a Wednesday in a cafe I watched it begin again

Poem: Song Bird by @cant-find-my-name

Song Bird you grew your wings

And strengthen your voice

Now your words glided ears

Like gentle melody

Of glowing river and easy breeze

The beat rhyme with the rhythm of the hearts

Everyone will hear your songs

But they might not understand it right away

And that's okay

No need to adjust the tune or

Filter it down

No need to be scare if

You are too loud

This volcanic sound

Will echoes around

And reaches the vibration

To the ones

That needed to know and get your lyrics

They would not question it

So Songbird

Sing your song

And speak your words

Eventually

Every creatures will sing along

Quote from Pinterest:

⭐️ 🫧 ✨ ✿ 🌧 You Are Loved ⭐️ 🫧 ✨ ✿ 🌧

Thank you so much for reading!! 🧿See you soon!🧊

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