#the vibes and everything it’s just. it’s good. it’s agonizing

[un-pearable]

✅ tickets acquired

✅ [REDACTED] acquired

✅ cute outfit planned

✅ general plan for the day

( ) guarantee that the stupid expensive thing i want is even still on sale

[euphoricfilter]

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• ° kinktober day 8

[day eight: size kink]

pairing: jungkook x f. reader

warnings: pwp, unprotected sex, creampie, size kink, he’s hung okay? whatever you’re thinking make it bigger— he has a fat cock, belly bulge

notes: smut straight under the cut!! you’ll never guess what song i was listening to while writing this, i just want you guys to know that the music i write to, never fits the vibe of the story

kinktober masterlist

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆.

“Gonna ruin you” Jungkook murmurs, hand wrapped around his cock.

He pushes your legs a little higher up his shoulders, tongue running over his bottom lip when he watches your cunt clench around nothing. It was almost a feral need that consumed him in moments like these, rough hand fisting his cock, thick cockhead ready to spear you open. Precum leaking down his length, raw need to watch him mould your cunt for his cock only.

You watch down the length of your body as he presses the tip of his cock over your entrance, thumb pressing under the head, sinking the first inch of his length into you.

Your pussy clenches around the mushroom head, Jungkook’s thumb pressing over your clit to try and help loosen you up a bit.

“Such a small pussy” he braces a hand beside your head, body caging you beneath him as he ruts another inch into you.

You swallow down a moan, fingers tugging at the sheets below you.

Jungkook watches as his cock splits you open, pussy swallowing down everything he has to offer. Clenching ever so deliciously around him. His cock is shiny when he pulls back to his cockhead, watching you stretch around the widest part of him before he presses back into you, feeding you each agonizing inch so slowly you start to rut your hips upwards.

“Hold on baby” his hands spread over your hips, sinking into your flesh, “Be a good little thing and take what I give you… yeah?” he presses a wet kiss to your jaw.

A chesty laugh claws up his throat when he feels you clench at his words, pitiful whimper slipping off your tongue when he snaps his hips forward. Thick cock pressing against your sweet spot.

“Shit—Jungkook” you whine when he leans down a little, your legs still hooked over his shoulder pulling the bottom half of your body off the bed.

“Yeah? You like that?” he laughs, “Like me moulding your little pussy for my cock, and my cock only?”

You nod, hand splaying over your stomach when he sinks the rest of his length inside of you. Barely letting you feel all of him before he’s pulling his hips backwards, snapping forward, desperate to sink himself back inside of you.

Your back arches, wet squelch accompanying a moan as he starts to thrust into you, erratic. His eyes stay trained om where the both of you connect, base of his cock messy with your creamy arousal, pussy split, likely gaping if he slipped out of you.

“Fuck—that’s it baby” he groans, finding his rhythm, angling his hips where he knows he’s pressing against all the little spots that you love.

Your hand slips down your stomach, mouth falling open in a moan when you feel it.

“Jungkook” you moan, his name fogging your mind, “can feel you here” you slip one of his hands from your hip, pressing it over your stomach.

His hand presses down, deep rumble of a moan catching in his throat when he feels himself inside of you. His hand slips over your mound, both your eyes stuck on your stomach as you watch him beneath your skin; buldge of his cock pressing from within you.

“Shit” you cry, hips stuttering upwards.

“Fuck, you really are small, aren’t you, baby” his hand slips over your stomach, pressing down on the bulge.

He moans when he feels you constrict around him, cock twitching as he staves off his own orgasm when he can feel his hand pressing down on his cock.

“So small my cock is all the way in your tummy” it comes out as a breathless laugh, your mind barely processing what he was saying as you slip headfirst into your orgasm.

Barely able to warn him, words entirely broken, more a mantra of his name. Though Jungkook seems to know, pace slowing as he snaps his hips harder into you, cockhead pressing against your sweet spot, onslaught of pleasure bringing you over the edge.

Your cum coats his cock, world turning white for a moment before you get a glimpse of Jungkook’s body curled over your own. His eyes squeezed shut in pleasure as your cunt continues to pulse around him, slowly inching towards the bubbly sort of overstimulation that would no doubt send you reeling into a second orgasm.

You feel his cock twitch between your walls, hips losing their rhythm, thrusts turning sloppy as he nears his own release. His eyes slip open, holding himself up by one arm as he presses his hand over your stomach again. A long drawn moan falls past his lips as he cums, thought of his release coating so far into your cunt pulling another wave of cum out of him.

He barely ruts into you, hips pressed against your thighs as you clench around him, milking everything out of his spent cock. His eyes stay trained on the bulge of your stomach, thumb brushing over where he assumes his cockhead to be.

“Such a good girl, letting me ruin your insides” he leans down, pressing a kiss to your sweat tacky skin, “little pussy all mine, so greedy swallowing my cock”

[fox-guardian]

I am still thinking so hard about artist Jon.

Like. It's a hobby for him, purely, he doesn't plan to make money off of it. It's just for fun. He doodled a bit in his free time and then took life drawing classes in uni because Georgie insisted he needed to get out and do something more than studying so he. Kept studying. But just art this time.

He would describe his style as a kind of realism, but its definitely stylized in colors at least, as he's impatient and goes for bolder colors for lighting pretty early in his process so he doesn't lose the feeling of the piece, especially if it never gets finished. He wants to keep the vibes, just in case he wants to go back to it, so he doesn't forget.

He kinda falls of drawing after he starts at the institute, but I think during season 4 he picks it up again to cope with. Everything. He's not using his fancy drawing supplies since he doesn't have them anymore, just office pens and pencils. It's a lot of Martin, of course. But also Tim. He wishes he could ask Melanie to describe Sasha for him so he could try to draw her too, but he figures that wouldn't go down very well. Besides, telling his coworkers he draws is too much vulnerability anyway. Sometimes he even draws The Admiral, but he doesn't often draw animals so it never does him justice in his eyes.

Then at the safehouse, he works up the nerve and asks if Martin could sit for him for a bit. He doesn't need to pose or anything, just stay right there, Martin, keep reading that book, just don't move too much for a while, the lighting is perfect, he needs to capture it. He needs to map it with pen and paper. His phone camera could never catch the golden light on Martin's hair, and besides, the photo could lie to him later. But muscle memory and scratches in paper are harder to change, surely. He needs to record the moment like this. Hold it to his heart. Feel it in his wrist as he swipes strands of hair across the page, in his shoulder as his arm arcs down the curve of Martin's stomach, in his fingertips as he smudges the pigment he bought from the local craft supply shop to form a reddened cheek.

And Martin's cheeks are red. After everything that's happened, all the distance, his heart wasn't prepared for the intimacy of sitting before the man he loves being lovingly analyzed and having his likeness put to paper. It's exciting and agonizing at the same time, feeling eyes on him for hours as Jon stares down every curve, maps out every freckle, mole, and blemish. And when Martin sees the final image as Jon sheepishly presents it to him, he cries. He remembers feeling the fear of statement givers as he read their stories, living it through the words written. It was kind of like that, only instead of fear, he felt the overwhelming love pressed into every line on the page. Every stroke, every smudge, even tucked into the negative space, filling him up until it couldn't be contained, and he burst into tears. (Which worried Jon greatly until Martin reassured him with a hug and a kiss.)

He doesn't ask Jon to stop drawing him. How could he, when it was always with such love behind it? Not to mention Jon was getting back in the swing of it, oiling his rusty skills, and he was so happy doing it. But he will admit it was mildly mortifying seeing their home fill up with so many portraits of him, steadily increasing in their flattering composition. Jon was drawing from his imagination now that he had memorized most of Martin's form, and it was getting out of hand. He once caught a glimpse of a work in progress of Martin lounging and being fed grapes by cherubs. Good lord.

[ratcash-wasgud]

this is my first time requesting here and im so nervous since the idea itself is so cheesy. could we have a modern au loser mizu who listens to "pasilyo" (a filipino song about wanting to get married so badly to someone; i highly recommend listening its so addicting!) and immediately thinks of her crush. thank you sm!

hel lovely!!!!! omg this is such a cute idea...it would be a shame if someone...have added some smut....hm...

anyways i kept this short, just to not overdo the vibe hihi

and you were right, it IS addicting. mwah.

Peonies

"I told you, I don't plan on doing that. Stop trying to play matchmaker, Mama." Mizu grumbles into the phone as she agressively spreads butter onto a slice of toast.

Her mother called her up again, which is always...well, a bother. She just nags her about settling down, even if she's still in college, finding a good boyfriend, getting married, having kids and basically giving up on everything she ever wanted. This is the reason she could never come out to her mother.

These talks always makes her hate the idea of marriage. Why would she ever tie herself down? Plus, it's a stupid old tradition. Plus, it's not even legal where she lives. It's just dumb to even think about it.

"No. I'm just busy." Mizu shrugs as she bites into the toast, still holding the phone up to her ear. Her mom keeps scolding her about ruining the family's name if she refuses to get married.

After about ten agonizing minutes, she hangs up. She lands on her bed with a groan. And just when she thinks she found peace, her phone lights up with a notification. It's a text from a groupchat called Tea Party with Eeyore, which has Ringo, Taigen, Akemi, and you in it.

ringo: omgomg look!

ringo: *a picture of you holding up a full tray of freshly baked pinagong.*

ringo: she helped me with my pastry of the week!!!

taigen: what even is that?

ringo: it's a type of fillipino bread! i learned it in baking class today.

you: we even made a whole playlist of fillipino songs to listen to while we bake :DDD

*you sent the link to the playlist.*

ringo: yup. we got into the mood, if you will

akemi: ringo, sweetie, that could have douple meanings

ringo: oh

The name is a dumb inside joke from that one time Akemi came up with the idea that having blue as a main color and being grumpy is enough for her to be just like Eeyore. She remembers you laughed so hard when she contined this line of thinking and matched Taigen with Tigger, because they're both annoying It's only because of that she doesn't mind this whole thing. She loves your laugh.

Mizu had a crush on you ever since she met you. It wasn't a hard crush to develop, honestly. You were kind for no reason, had eyes with stars in them, always full of energy while wearing the brightest smile she ever seen. You were just generally lovely. She was sure Taigen also had a crush on you at some point, which always irritated her, even if she never planned on making a move.

Mizu was content with the way things were. She was silently loving you from afar while you shined your bright light on her withouth even noticing. You made her happy if you didn't know.

She rolled over to her side, and tapped on the link you sent to the playlist. You had great taste in music, so if you were able to vive to these songs, they can't be that bad.

Then as the playlists starts playing, she hears a couple notes of an electric guitar, and she lightly shivers. Pasilyo was the first song. She never heard about it, but the melody quickly captured her.

She stared up the ceiling and she imagined you and Ringo listening to this song. She imagines you accidentaly spilling flour all over yourself, getting some on your face as you laugh, and she imagines her hand softly wiping it off. She imagines you sitting infront of the oven, staring at the growing pastry dough as it bakes, and having that bright and excited smile on your face when you succesfully decide that yes, it has gotten bigger since the last minute you checked. You'd look at her with big doe eyes when she tells you that it's time to do the dishes afterwards, singlaing how much you don't wanna. And of couse, she'd wash them instead of you, without hesitation. You'd hug her from behind as she does them, and hum the song in her ear, rocking your hips with hers playfully while your soft cheek is squished against her shoulder.

She sudenly wonders if that's how married life would look like with you. Damn, Mama has gotten into her head. But she doesn't mind it if it's like this. Would getting married really be horrible if it was with you? She decies on a firm no. You'd be the loveliest bride.

A bride she'd love to tie herself down to.

You'd stand there, at the altar, wearing all white and holding a big bouquet of daisies, camellias and lakspurs...maybe even peonies.

Yeah...definetly peonies. There would also be peony petals on the floor, scattered across, and one in your hair. Behind your ear...or one holding up your veil.

You'd smile when you see her on the other end of the aisle, like you see your future in her eyes. Your eyes would focus only on her, and your hand would squeeze hers for comfort as she says her vows. She'd kiss you with all her might in that moment. She'd pick you up and carry you away while you both laugh into eachothers faces.

She'd wake up to you every day of the week. To your soft cheeks squiched up against the pillow, your hand around her, and your breathing tickling her skin. She'd never want to get out of bed. She'd wake up hours earlier just to cuddle your sleeping form.

When you'd stir, you'd look into her eyes with your still hazy ones, and plant a good morning kiss on her forehead. In return Mizu would kiss your cheek, then your nose, then your jaw...then your neck, then your chest...

She'd put her hands on your breats, softly squeezing them as she teases them through your thin pajama top. She'd want it to be casual, domesticated, but still so, so exciting to make love to you.

She'd slowly get on top of you, and get lost in the way you're looking up at her. She'd slowly lift your top, and press her knee between your legs. Oh, how'd you tremble. You'd look up at her all needy, she'd have no option but to help you.

Her tongue would softly curcple your nipple, dry lips wrapping around it to trap it, all for herself. Her hand would slowly find it's way inside your pajama pants, long fingers sliding through your lips. She'd toy with you slick, because she knows it's there because of her. She'd bathe in the feeling of your clit pulsing for her before sliding her fingers inside, massagnig your inner walls. She'd coo in your ear, because you're just so precious when she's inside you like this. You turn into a ragdoll, and you can't do anything but whimper for her. You'd depend on her, especially in moments like this.

She'd give it to you every morning. She'd never hesitate to obey every command your body gives her.

Then she'd watch you make breakfast with your ears still red from getting taken by her so early in the morning. You'd sit in her lap while you'd eat breakfast. She'd feed you pieces of her bacon, and you'd give her bites from your egg. She'd give small pecks to your soft lips, to kiss away droplets of coffee.

She gets torn out from her daydream though by another text. She looks at it through half lidden eyes.

ringo: we made too many :(

taigen: that's what u get for always going overboard

you: mizu !!!

you: do you want some? i think you'd love pinagong!!!

Mizu smiles to herself as she reads the text. Maybe she isn't fine with how things are right now. Maybe she does need to make a move.

mizu: yeah

mizu: omw.

Maybe...she could stop by the flower shop and get some peonies.

Just maybe.

[goldenbuckyyy]

YOU’RE ALL I WANT

Summary: You and Harry finally reconnect.

Pairings: Harry Styles x fem!Reader

Word Count: 5.7kish

Warnings: Over 3k of smut!! Oral (fem! & male!receiving), fingering, allure to squirting, raw sex, creampie, slight fem!reader!Dom/subrry vibes if you squint!! 🤏🏻

A/N: Hi!! Sorry this has taken so long! The holidays were very crazy and work has been… just as crazy as always! But she’s here and I hope you love her as much as I do.. because I love her!! I’m also going to be tagging anybody who mention needing part 2 since it’s been a while!! Also, this is probably the last part! Song title inspo: “You’re all I want” by Cigarettes After Sex

Divider is by @silkholland!! I love your divider so much! Thank you for allowing us to use them. 🫶🏻

All my mistakes are my own. Please do not repost or translate my fics on any other site nor this one.

I appreciate any likes, reblogs, messages, and interactions. Please message me your thoughts!!! It fuels me!

PART 1 || Main Masterlist

May 20th, 2022. 

You tapped your fingers on your countertop as you watched the time slowly trickle by. 

3:03PM. 

Watching how slow the time was going felt almost agonizing. 

You let out a groan as you felt as if time had never gone by any slower. You were still in your pajamas, sipping on your door dashed iced latte, stomach still full of your late morning breakfast, and you felt nervous. Nauseated, almost. 

So nervous about seeing Harry tonight that you almost wanted to throw up. And you knew you didn’t have to feel this nervous, but it’s been almost a year that you haven’t seen him. It’s normal to feel this way. You can’t help it. 

Harry’s album had already been out since midnight and you had to physically restrain yourself from listening to it. You wanted tonight to be the first night you listened to all of his new songs. 

Either way, you knew they were going to be amazing. 

You had also already chosen your outfit for the night. Which surprisingly had taken you so long to put together. 

Simply because you wanted to look your absolute best tonight. 

You searched throughout Twitter for concert inspiration and for any ideas that would help you. You knew fashion. You worked in fashion. You had your own famous fashion line and you still had no idea what to wear to this concert. 

You’ve been to plenty of his concerts before. You even remember the outfits you wore to one direction concerts and it secretly made you cringe. Flashbacks of textured shorts and frail crop tops fill your mind. 

But now.. now you wanted to surprise him and feel good. It’s been way too long since you had seen Harry's face and you missed him. 

So, you did what you do best and you made your own outfit. 

You ended up making a black jumpsuit with an amazing sequin fabric which covered every inch of it. It was long enough to pair with your favorite platform heeled boots that were comfy enough to be standing a long period of time in. You made the top of the jumpsuit have a cross neck fixture with a triangle opening right underneath your sternum and you made the back to match. 

Now, it was just time for the clock to strike five for you to start to get ready. 

So, here you are. Fiddling with your phone to try and pass the time faster. 

You hop off the stool and move to your private sunroom in your penthouse that overlooks the river. You bask in the sun on your skin and wonder how tonight will go. 

Hopefully everything goes well and Harry’s only expression when he sees you is happiness. 

You can only hope. 

You tug on your oversized silk blazer as you walk down the backstage hallway of MSG with Jeff by your side. 

“Harry might shit himself when he sees you,” Jeff says to you with wild eyes and a loud laugh as you try and match his fast pace down the hall. 

You let out your own nervous one as you fix your hair for the millionth time as you follow him. 

“Don’t worry. I just might, too.” 

You weren’t lying. You genuinely felt sick to your stomach. You had decided to wait until you knew that Harry would already be almost going on to text Jeff that you were waiting at the back entrance for him. Just so he wouldn’t be able to tell Harry you were here. 

“The concert already started, but don’t freak. It just started,” Jeff says casually as you start to see the flashing lights from behind the curtain. 

You still for a second right before you pass the curtain to let out a shaky breath. Reminding yourself to calm down. That it’s only Harry. 

Jeff’s hands are suddenly touching your shoulders and he’s giving you a reassuring smile. 

“Don’t be nervous. He’s going to be happy to see you. Trust me.” 

You nod quickly and your senses are suddenly filled with loud screams. Thousands and thousands of people screaming for Harry. For your Harry and it makes your heart warm. 

You follow Jeff to the side of the main stage behind a barricade, but in perfect view of Harry. And your eyes start to water as soon as you see him. 

He’s wearing an adorable white shirt that’s lined with red hearts, black leather figure hugging pants, red sneakers, and a big chunky yellow necklace. 

You cover your mouth to hold in your own cry, quickly shaking off the nerves as you settle into the spot next to Jeff, and you zone out as you admire Harry in his zone. 

The way the music completely takes over his body and his actions. The way you can tell he lets the music get into his bones by the way he lets it take over and how he dances. The way he lets himself be free in a room filled with people that love him. People that you know he loves. His fans. His wonderful, amazing, love filled fans. 

The way he smiles, laughs, and giggles so hard his dimples end up showing. And how he looks so freaking happy it makes you want to burst into tears. 

You can easily tell this is his favorite thing to do. Just by looking at him. He’s the type of person that you can just watch and admire because everything he does leaves you in awe. 

And that’s exactly how you feel. 

Then, at the right moment when he’s prancing around the stage, and running on your side of the stage.. he glances down to look at Jeff and then he sees you. 

You both lock eyes at the same time and he trips on his own feet, halting in front of you, and the screaming only intensifies when he breaks out into the biggest smile you’ve seen on him all night. 

His hands immediately go to his heart and you see his eyes water as you smile back at him with matching watery eyes. He reaches for you with a small “Hi” leaving his lips and you mouth it back. You can tell he wants to say something else, but he quickly shakes his head with a grin and goes back to dancing around the stage. 

You can hear fans calling out your name from around you as now they’ve noticed you. You look around, giving a small wave at the fans near you, and they shriek when you look at them. 

You blush under their gazes as it never gets any less weird for you that people actually know who you are. But feeling grateful nonetheless. 

Harry makes his way to your corner of the stage after he sings probably the saddest song you’ve ever heard and smiles at you as he settles himself with the microphone stand. 

“Now this next song… this next song is incredibly special to me. One of my favorites actually. And…” he pauses and takes in a shaky breath. “The person who inspired this song is actually here tonight.” 

The crowd goes wild. Loud cheers surrounding your entire body. You feel lightheaded as you watch Harry on stage. 

Watching you. 

He gives you a small smile and continues, “This person.. has been my best friend for almost a decade now. We actually met at a Halloween party many many years ago. Her best friend is actually the person I spilled my beer on,” you both chuckle at his words, “I’m getting off track here. But I just want to say that this person is the one person that I absolutely adore. I adore her, I admire her, I respect her, I recognize her, and I love her.” His voice cracks at the last couple of words, his bottom lip quivering and his chin caving in, and tears pool his eyes. 

Your eyes are filled with tears at hearing his speech to you and knowing that this is showing his vulnerable side. Which he has always struggled with. You clamp your hands together against your chin as you only smile up at him. 

“This is ‘Little Freak’,” he says into the mic as the band starts playing a soft melody. 

The first lyrics remind me of the incident in Italy last year and your heart silently hurts. You grip onto the railing in front of you as you listen closely to each lyric. 

Finding yourself relating to each word and wanting to pull Harry into your embrace.

Did you dress up for Halloween? I spilled beer on your friend.. I’m not sorry. 

You chuckle as you sniffle while slow tears fall down your cheeks and you quickly wipe them away. You watch him in awe as you hear everybody singing along to the lyrics. To a song that came out less than twenty four hours ago. 

I disrespected you

Jumped in feet first, and I landed too hard

A broken ankle, karma rules

You never saw my birthmark

Okay. Maybe this is the saddest song you’ve ever heard. Harry holds out the microphone to his fans and gets overwhelmed when they’re singing back his lyrics so loudly. You laugh with joy at how happy he is. 

“Thank you so much,” he says into the microphone with his voice wavering, but sounding so grateful. 

Just thinkin' about you

He finishes singing the last lyric and he looks over at you with a smile. You smile back with a thumbs up and his dimples show. 

The rest of the concert goes by so quickly you can’t even believe it’s been almost two hours since he started. 

Every single one of his songs feels connected to you in some way and you wonder if you were in Harry’s thoughts when he wrote this album. You know ‘Little Freak’ is about you since he practically dedicated it to you before he sang it.. but you wonder about the rest. 

A part of you doesn’t want to know. 

Jeff is by your side as soon as Harry runs off the stage after doing his famous ‘Whale’ and glancing at you quickly. 

Jeff wraps his arm around your shoulder, with a smile, he asks, “What’d you think?” 

“He’s incredible.”

“That’s our boy.”

You hum in agreement and you both walk off backstage to the chaos that is the loud voices of people congratulating the band and Harry on a brilliant performance. 

You stand in the background, watching Harry take each compliment with grace, a shake of each person's hand, and a dimpled smile on his face. 

You watch him carefully, bouncing on your heeled boots, heart racing, fingers aching to feel Harry’s skin, and your body trying not to reach for him. 

You smile softly when you notice his eyes searching the room and then they land on you. His expression changes to a mix of glowing happiness and absolute joy. He looks like a little kid that just got offered a lollipop at the dentist. 

He politely excuses himself from the group he had just thanked and hastily makes his way towards you. 

You open your arms to him on instinct, “Hi.” 

His arms engulf you into his space, completely tucking you into his body, and you feel complete. His hands wrap around your torso, underneath your blazer, touching your skin, and your arms wrap around his neck. Your faces squeezing into each other’s necks and he whispers a breathy, “Hi.” 

You melt into his embrace, smelling his cinnamon roll hair styling crème that he still uses, and it brings back a decade of memories for you. His strong arms squeeze you as he lifts you up off your toes and you can hear him inhaling your scent. 

“God, I’ve missed you.” 

You chuckle into his neck, “Me more.” 

You both pull away at the same time, staring at each other, and you place your hand on his cheek. He leans into it with a small smile, beautiful glossy green eyes staring into yours, and you thumb his cheek. 

“I’m sorry, H.” You confess with a soft tone, trying to hold your voice steady while your heart races inside of your chest. 

“Don’t apologize. I’m the one that messed up, but.. c’mon.” He wraps his hand in yours, giving Jeff a small signal, and he starts to walk off towards his dressing room. 

He leads you into the big dim-lighted room, shutting the door behind you, and locking it for privacy. 

You stay in front of him, glancing at him and trying to see if you notice anything different about it. 

But he’s still the same Harry. Right in front of you. Finally. 

He pulls two cold waters from the mini fridge and hands one to you as he leads you both to the couch. You get comfortable as he kicks off his shoes, leaning into the green couch, and planting his feet on top of the coffee table. You sit back and admire him for a second before drinking some water.

After a moment of silence, he asks, “How have you been?”

“I’ve been good. Missed you tho.” 

He smiles as he tucks his chin into his chest, arms crossing over his chest, “I did, too. More than you can imagine.” 

“Yeah?” You question, playing with the rings on your fingers, and you look at him from underneath your lashes. 

“Come here,” he says as he reaches for your hand. Your insides turn and you let him pull you into his lap. Your breathing hitches as he stares at your face, taking you in, and then his eyes land on your lips. 

“Of course I’ve missed you. You’re my best friend,” he whispers into you as he slowly leans in and you close your eyes, waiting for his lips to touch yours. 

“Do you still want me?” You blurt out bluntly, your eyes going wide, and you suddenly feel weak. You feel vulnerable. Insecure. 

Harry tenses in front of you, his eyes going wide, and he searches for words. But nothing comes out. His eyebrows furr in confusion, “What? How-I… Are you serious? I was about to kiss you..” 

You look down, ashamed at your question, and you feel him pull your face back up to meet his own eyes with his thumb. 

“How could you ever think I wouldn’t want you?” 

His eyes are sincere and full of concern. His body leans into yours, his arms that are holding you only grow tighter, and you wrap your arms around his neck limply. 

You lean into his touch and try to smile. Your lips wavering when you say, “I.. I ignored you for months.” 

“You had your reasons. I was awful to you. I said mean words to you that I should have taken back as soon as I had spoken them. You didn’t do anything wrong.” 

His thumb caresses your cheek as you nod at him. 

“I’m still sorry,” you say again as you kiss the inside of his palm. 

“I have always wanted you.”

“What?” You say with a grin as he matches your own.

“I, Harry Styles, have always wanted you, Y/N L/N. Ever since the first moment I saw you. You are the most beautiful thing I have ever laid my eyes on and you continue being so.” 

You let out a watery laugh as tears prick your eyes, you swat his chest playfully, “Stop! You’re making me cry!” You both laugh together as he places a big smooch on your cheek. 

You giggle as he slowly starts to kiss your cheek and makes his way down to your lips. 

His hands are holding your face when he leans back and asks you, “Can I kiss you?” 

Before you can even finish nodding, his lips are on yours. 

His lips feel soft and warm against yours. You both held your breath as he waited for you to respond to his kiss, his lips on yours, but full of hesitation. 

You relax into his hands, letting yourself finally kiss him back, and a feeling of euphoria fills your body. You both moan into the kiss, tilting your heads for better access, and you pull at each other to feel closer together. He slides off your blazer and touches your naked arms, moaning at feeling your skin against his own. 

Your tongue fights with Harry’s and you suck on his bottom lip with a moan. Your hands moving from the back of his warm neck to his curly hair, tugging at the roots, and filling with content when he groans into your mouth. 

Harry lets go of your face and he’s moving your body over his own, adjusting himself onto the couch, and you plant yourself down on his hips. Feeling his hardening bulge against your core makes you feel hot. Your core aching in want and you grind against him. 

You both meet again in the middle and kiss, lips lapping against each other, open mouthed moans, and pants filling the room. Slow hips grinding against each other. 

In the rush of probably the hottest way you’ve ever kissed someone, he’s suddenly pulling away from your body completely. 

Leaving your body aching for his touch and your skin feeling burned as his hands leave your waist. 

You’re suddenly filled with confusion, furring your eyebrows, and peering up at H. 

“What’s going on? Why’d you stop?” You pant out as you try to catch your breath. 

H looks like he’s torn between a million emotions as he clutches his eyes in distress, a heavy breathe escaping his lips, and he’s shaking his head. Then.. he chuckles. 

“I can’t believe I’m saying this..” 

Your heart stops. 

“But.. I don’t want our first time to be like this.” 

Oh. 

“Oh?” You question with a small smile as you sit up on his lap, adjusting your jumpsuit straps around your neck, and he’s leaning against the back of the couch… looking so adorable. 

He looks almost shy right now and he blushes under your gaze. 

“Yeah,” he says as he reaches for your hand and you let him. “I want our first time to be special. I want it to be in my bed or yours. And I want it…I just.. I don’t want to fuck you in this dressing room. I mean—“ 

You cut him off as your cheeks flush down to your neck at his words, “I have an apartment here.” 

His eyebrows spike up in shock as he looks simultaneously confused, shocked, and you can tell he’s hurt that he doesn’t know about this major change in your life. You reach for his hand and squeeze it when he immediately grips onto yours. Trying to reassure him with your touch. 

“Since when?” 

“Fairly recent,” you say with a small smile playing on your sinful lips. 

“Where?” 

“The Copper,” you say with a glint of enthusiasm and he only matches you. Like always. 

“You got an apartment there?” His eyes glint with a look of pride. 

“I got the penthouse.” 

The second that you both walk into your penthouse, Harry’s mouth and hands are on you. And you’re not complaining. 

You throw off your blazer at the same time he kicks off his shoes. 

His hands are all over the parts of your skin that isn’t covered and he stops when he finds the clasp around your neck. He swiftly unhooks your jumpsuit and you feel it fall over your shoulders and down your chest. Your breasts are now exposed and you feet the cold air brush against your nipples. Perking them up and making you gasp in pleasure. 

He tugs on your jumpsuit which makes it pull around your waist and his hands move onto your breasts. He moans into your mouth when he feels them naked since you’re not wearing a bra or pasties. He thumbs your nipples and you whimper into him, licking the roof of his mouth, and sliding your hands underneath his shirt. 

He manages to shove you against your couch and you both tumble on it, giggling into the kiss, and his hands are around your body to make sure you don’t hurt yourself. 

You giggle as he kisses you, which only makes him giggle with you, and then you’re laying down on your couch. You pull away from him when you feel him get on his knees in front of you. 

He slowly slides his hands underneath your jumpsuit, unzipping your boots, and tossing them to the floor. His eyes are only on you. 

You watch him with want as he slips off his shirt, tossing it to the side, and you shimmy out of your jumpsuit. Tugging off your black thong with it. 

Harry's lips are on yours again and he’s hungry. Kissing you deeply, his tongue fighting for dominance with your own, both moaning and panting, aching for each other, and he’s reaching down to unzip his pants. 

Harry’s hands suddenly are off of your hips and his lips leave your own. You whine as you feel him pull away from you and you quickly open your eyes to watch him as he’s watching you, now sitting on his knees on the couch, and his eyes never leave yours. 

He slowly lets his eyes wander down your naked body, fully taking in that this is the first time he’s ever seen you naked, and it makes you ache in ways you’ve never ached before. Makes your skin break out into goosebumps at the mere sight of him taking you in. 

He stands up, shoving off his leather pants and his red briefs, and his long, thick dick makes an appearance. Your eyes go wide as you look at him, the first time truly looking at his dick, and your pussy only clenches with desire at the same time your mouth waters with want. 

His dick is beautiful. Long, thick, and looking juicy. And waiting to fuck you up. His tip is leaking pre-cum already and it bounces with every movement he makes. He moves back to where he was sitting on his knees on the couch, admiring you as you admire him. 

“Fuck,” he mutters out as he wipes his face with his hands before he sets them down on your ankles. 

“What is it?” You whisper as you move your legs to open up in front of him, feeling your wetness coat your inner thighs, and he bites his bottom lip. His dick twitching in all its hardened glory. He’s almost fully leaking from the tip of his dick. 

“You… are beautiful. Breathtaking.. and this is the first time I see you naked. I just wanna admire you,” he says as he pulls your ankle to his shoulder and kisses your shin. You smile as you let yourself spread out more for him as he starts kissing up your legs slowly and sinfully. 

Your breathing hitches as he gets closer to your center, you're already antsy when he stops in your inner thigh, kissing both of them, licking them, and sucking small love bites onto them. 

You massage your breasts as you lean your head down to get a better look at him. 

“You’re glistening,” he mutters against your thigh, kissing right next to your aching pussy. You can help but moan out in want and anticipation. Your hips are getting a mind of their own as you try to hitch them towards his mouth and his eyes move towards yours. 

“So inpatient,” he says as his cold fingers are suddenly touching your wet lips, pulling them open, and he spreads you to his liking. 

“Oh my god,” you moan out at the sensation that overcomes your entire body at Harry finally touching you. 

He moves himself in between your legs, pushing your thighs down on each side, and he lets his tongue slowly lick your pussy. You clench around him, you can’t fully believe that this is happening right now, and you twist your nipples in between your fingers. You tilt your head back in a pant when Harry slips two fingers inside of you. 

“Fuck,” he groans out as he curves his fingers inside of you and your pussy only tightens around them. Your breathing has picked up and you can hear how absolutely drenched you are by the sound his fingers are making as he moves them in and out of your pussy. 

Harry seems to only fuel himself more with your moans and panting because you feel him start to devour you. You gasp when you feel his tongue lick you from the bottom of your folds all the way to your clit where he swivels his tongue around it and sucks it into his mouth gently. The bundle of nerves makes the pit of your belly harden in pleasure, your back curving upwards, and your hands move into his curls to hold onto something. Anything. 

You moan out his name when his fingers start thrusting inside of you, in and out. In and out. And then he picks up his pace, slightly, but making a big difference in how it fuels your impending orgasm. 

His fingers continue to fuck you, his mouth devouring you, and his tongue is torturing you. In every possible way. You know this is going to be the best sex of your life. You know you’ll never be able to move on from this. You hope Harry will feel the same way, too. 

His mouth moves skillfully against your pussy, his tongue flicking your clit in all the best ways, and you can feel the pressure slowly building up in your lower stomach. 

Harry sucks onto your clit, making your legs start to shake slightly, and he inserts a third finger into you. You cry out in pleasure, your body feeling like it’s on fire, your skin is glistening with sweat, and you start to move your hips to match the pace of his mouth. 

He doesn’t stop his movements. He only keeps going. His fingers fucking you like heaven, his moans sending shockwaves through your body, and then.. he moves his tongue into the right spot on your clit which makes you absolutely explode from underneath him. 

You yell out his name, so loud that if you actually had neighbors on this floor, you’d be scared they’d come banging on your door for being so damn loud, and your eyes prick with tears from the amazing orgasm that overtakes you. 

Your toes curl into the couch, fingers gripping onto his curls, entire body clenching and then releasing as you feel yourself soaking Harry's mouth and fingers, and he’s lapping up every single drop of your release. Moaning as you can see his thighs grinding into the couch. 

You don’t even let your body come down from the high when you’re hastily moving from being underneath Harry to being on top of him, straddling him, and kissing him hard. Sucking his lips into yours and moaning when you can taste yourself on his tongue. 

You kiss him for a couple seconds before you move down his stomach, licking his butterfly tattoo, sucking a couple love bites on his abs, and letting yourself make eye contact with him the entire time. 

His pupils are blown out, lips plump and swollen, cheeks flushed bright pink, and he looks fucked. 

“Fuck,” he pants out, his voice raspy and blissed out. And he can’t even react before you’re taking in his aching dick into your mouth. Fully deep-throating him that the tip is curving into the back of your throat. Your eyes water as you keep eye contact with him, your hands holding yourself steady against his fern tattoos, and his hands grip into your loose hair. 

“Holy shit! You’re fucking-I-you’re fucking taking me all the way, baby!” 

You preen at his words, bobbing your head on his dick, pulling up slowly to let your tongue lap over his tip, sucking off the pre-cum into your mouth, and moaning so that he feels every vibration in your throat on his dick. You can feel his dick twitching in pleasure inside of your mouth and it only fuels you to be better. You pick up your pace, nails digging into his hips, lapping him up, and everytime you go all the way down, you let your tongue lick his balls too. 

Harry suddenly pulls your face off his dick and you whimper at the disconnection. You look at him with big, blown out pupils, and a stream of saliva connecting your lips with his dick. 

He groans as his hands move down to your breasts, pinching your nipples, and then he thumbs your swollen lower lip to wipe off the mess. 

“‘M gonna cum if you keep suckin’ me off like that, honey.” His voice is breathless as he cups your face, pulling you up easily, and connecting your lips with his. Your wet core lands on his fat, aching dick, and you already need him inside of you. 

You’re aching for him.

You kiss each other roughly, hands all over each other, and you start hitching your hips higher trying to align yourself with his dick. You can feel his dick fluttering in between your folds, wetting him up even more, and then you feel your opening align with his dick. You shift your hips a little bit more and you feel the head of his dick right where you want him. 

You lower down onto his pulsating dick and he groans into your mouth. His hands immediately find your hips, holding you steady as you try to lower yourself more, only being halfway. 

“God, you’re so fuckin’ tight right now. So fucking tight, give me a second..” He moans even louder as he allows you to lower yourself even more until your pelvis meets his own. You steady yourself on his chest, tightening your arms against your breast, and smiling wickedly at Harry’s expression which only shows pleasure. 

You slowly start to move against his hips, slowly bouncing on his dick as his tight grip on your hips help you move, and you can feel how desperate he is for you. How much he’s wanted this. How much you’ve been wanting this. 

He slowly starts moving his hips underneath you, quickly changing the pace from slow and sultry to fast and rough. The sound of slapping skin fills the entire penthouse, your moans mixing with his own, and your hands are touching him everywhere. 

“You feel so good,” you whimper out to him as you lick the curves of his neck as he pulls you into his chest as he hitches his hips to fuck into you like this. 

“You were made for me,” he whimpers back as his arms wrap around your waist. 

His thrust only increases in speed in this position. His dick filling you up completely, like nobody ever has, touching every inch of your walls, and your wetness only allows him to fuck into you faster. 

You feel the familiar feeling building up in your belly, you lick and suck his earlobe, “I’m so close.” 

He quickly turns you over, so that your body is laying on the couch now, his dick never exiting you, and now he hitches your legs to wrap around his waist. He presses down against our belly and it only fuels your climax. 

“Oh my fuckin’—” you cry out as you feel Harry fucking you hard and him pushing against your cervix seems to increase the sensations. 

“Feel me up here, huh?” He groans out as he continues to push into you at a rough speed which you can only nod, feeling absolutely fucked, and he moves his free hand to your clit. Moving his thumb in circles roughly against it which triggers your orgasm. 

You clench around his dick, crying out loud, your entire body breaking out into goosebumps, and instant satisfaction floods you. You tighten your legs around Harry, pulling him into you, waiting for him to cum too, and he’s looking like a fucking god above you. 

His curls falling around his face, sweat glistening his toned body and his forehead, fucked out, bright flushed pink cheeks, and you don’t know what comes over you… 

You reach forward as he fucks you and you place your hand aound his neck, holding the sides, avoiding the center, and his eyes go wide. 

His eyes instantly meet yours and his lips part in shock. And you keep moving your body against his, letting him use you completely, and then.. you squeeze around his neck. 

His eyes roll back into his head, biting his bottom lip, fucking you rough and hard, and you know he’s about to cum. You squeeze his throat harder and your free hand reaches underneath his neck to tug his curls. 

He lets out the loudest, gut-wrenching moan of the night, and his thrusts start turning animalistic, when he yells out, “Fuckkk!!” 

He continues to thrust into you as he reaches his peak, filling you up completely, and you both are a panting mess as you both start coming down from your orgasms. 

Harry flops onto your chest, but holding himself up with his forearms on your sides. You giggle as you can still feel his dick inside of you, but you wrap your arms around his neck. 

He lifts his head, panting, and eyes glistening. He smiles at you, bunny teeth showing, and dimples carving his cheeks. 

“That was…” he stops as if he can’t even find the words, but who are you kidding? You can’t either. 

“It was,” you agree as you kiss his forehead. 

“That was very much long overdue,” he states with a teasing grin and you playfully pinch his forearm. He laughs into your neck before giving you a soft kiss. 

“How long are you here for?” You ask, not really wanting to ask, but you know you should. 

“I’m here as long as you are.”

You furr your eyebrows in confusion, lips parting with a question, and he shushes you. 

“I’m not letting you leave my sight ever again.”

He places a million kisses over your face, you swat him away with giggles, and then hold his face in your hands. Eyes locking. 

“Does this mean we’re boyfriend and girlfriend?” You tease.

“Shit, I’d marry you tomorrow if you’d let me.” 

Your eyes glint with amusement and so do his. 

“Who says I wouldn’t?” You whisper at him, playing with his curls in your fingers. And he attacks you with another million kisses. 

You could get used to this. 

And you think you just might. 

“So, where’s that secret birthmark of yours?” 

-

@that-daydream-look @harrysfolklore @b-reads-things @tbslnightly @noseyrosey1597 @alwayslovingharry @alreadyjackbestfriend @cevansssss @1cedteaa @feestyles @you-sunshine @awesomebooklover17 @aruima

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

TTPD Track Speculation/Prediction: @wavesoutbeingtossed Edition

Against my better judgment, I’m putting down my predictions before I am proven completely wrong on April 19.

on the other hand I did correctly attribute all of the 1989 TV vault track teaser lyrics to their songs before it was released so maybe I’m just that good jk.

I’m putting everything under a cut because it’s long and mostly just shooting the shit but it’s a long weekend so what the heck!

I started writing this the night the album was announced at the Grammys in February, so obviously things may have evolved in the meantime. It will be very interesting to see just how wrong I am!

Here be speculation, musings, jokes and more! Enter at your own risk!

SOUND:

I honestly have NO CLUE. I’ve said many, many times that I would be absolutely gagged for an Americana-folk type sound like Carolina/Safe and Sound/some of her acoustic performances on tour. I don’t really expect TTPD to sound quite that stripped back, though. (Prove me wrong, Taylor!)

I am kind of feeling pop-rock-y though, à la WCS, TTDS, based on absolutely nothing but that is also a genre/sound I love that I am begging to hear more on albums.

Completely off the wall guess: Something more jazzy-big band-y, based on nothing but her styling in recent months on the red carpet that harkens back to golden age of Hollywood vibes (especially the Grammys), the inclusion of Clara Bow (renowned flapper girl) on the track list, and the way she keeps talking about being grateful fans accept her bending and switching genres over the years and support her when she does “weird” things.

FORMAT (?)

OK this is just me spitballing, but I said awhile back that I am just getting vibes that there may be, like, a story within a story with this. As in, using some fictional settings as an allegory for the story about herself. The example I used then was The Lumineers, and how they wrote their album III about three generations of a fictional family dealing with addiction, which was an allegory for the lead singer’s own family’s experience with it (without directly calling out the family member in question at the time). There were characters in the album, but many of the songs were sung from an “I”/“you” perspective. I may not be explaining myself well, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there are “fictional” stories in that they’re sung about characters (e.g. Clara Bow?), but it will be obvious to fans that she’s using the characters to speak about herself and her experiences. I’m just getting big “storytelling” energy from the hints. Which means I’m totally wrong!!!! Don’t listen to me!!! (I do think there will be some shades of this somehow, though.)

TRACK LIST SPECULATION

Fortnight: Think you are all on the money about it being the time between the start of tour and when Joever happened for good. Sort of a “two years of uncertainty coming to a head in two weeks” thing. Spending two weeks agonizing over what to do. Two weeks for your whole life to blow up. Finally being removed from the situation and grasping onto your dreams that have been on hold for years and realizing your mind’s made up because you won’t give this part of you up even if it means letting go of what you thought your future held. But another thing I’ve thought of: some common wisdom claims it takes two weeks for a new routine to become a habit, so… outside chance it’s like, two weeks go by and you’re finally used to/accepted whatever it is you’re trying to kick? Also had a thought that there could be many two-week periods that can mark your life and give pause. 

The Tortured Poets Department: No idea really lol. For some reason I feel like this is going to be a little more experimental, “laying the groundwork for the defense” type of vibe, kinda like Mastermind, or using the investigative/academic metaphor to delve into it like, Mad Woman or Vigilante Shit. (Or: it could be super petty roasting the infamous group chat lol. In all seriousness though I would doubt that because I feel like this album is very much about Her… unless said group chat was so insufferable she needs to blast it on main.)

My Boy Only Breaks His Favourite Toys: I saw some talk on my dash about this giving renegade themes (you fire off missiles because you hate yourself but don’t you know you’re demolishing me), and I totally thought the same thing. Also those of you who pointed out the parallels to Cardigan are geniuses (when I was an old cardigan under someone’s bed you put me on and said I was your favorite). Again kinda think there might be some more metaphor in this but guessing it may be along the lines of “he’s only doing this because he knows I won’t leave” themes? It instantly gives dark and uneasy. It gives, the people you love are the ones you hurt the most. All signs point to Not Good.

(Or this is about Benji destroying his spin toys or is that just my cat that does that.)

Down Bad: Someone said (on Jaime’s blog I think*) that this is giving False God but icky and I can TOTALLY see that. (Then again I’ve always found False God sad in the sense that it’s like, “even when we fight so bad we can’t communicate we still have the sex holding us together.”) But, Taylor does like to take sayings with common meanings and twist them on their heads, so I also wouldn’t be surprised if “Down Bad,” isn’t referring to being down as in being horny for someone, but being down as in, feeling devastated/hopeless. (Or, even worse, mean both at the same time. 😵‍💫)

(*I wrote this post in February after the announcement, I don’t have a clue when any of this was said anymore sorry)

So Long, London: like a lot of people, I feel like this is her goodbye to the life they had and more importantly/poignantly, the dreams she had of their future. (I don’t know but, “remember looking at this room we loved cause of the light, now I just sit in the dark and wonder if it’s time” just feels like it’d be part of this story.) So because I’ve said that, watch it be an excoriation of London Boy lol. (You know I’m mad at a London Boy / who just really won’t leave Camden / Market in the afternoon / he hasn’t seen my American smile / in two months cause he won’t come to see me / when I have a show to do…) Feel like it’s going to gut us. BUT, also wonder if this is her “I’m getting the fuck out of dodge ROCK FLAG AND EAGLE” anthem haha. (Or: she ran away to London to escape the Bad Stuff but then got stuck in another kind of Bad Stuff living there for so long…)

But Daddy I Love Him: Pretty obviously the Little Mermaid reference. Very curious if the actual quote is in the song, or if it’s just named that to set the scene but the song instead is an expounding on the theme of giving up her voice for the sake of the relationship like Ariel. Also wonder if this is an overtly diaristic song or if she is going to use characters/figures/fiction to expand on the theme subtly, a little like Maisie Peters’ History of Man or Florence & The Machine’s Cassandra or even more pointedly like her own Last Great American Dynasty or The Lucky One. I do assume the overarching theme is going to be the push-pull between keeping her love and giving up things that are important to her to make that love work.  (Watch this be about her arguing with her father about marrying *** lol.)

The theme of giving up your voice/what you hold dear for love is so loaded, and has some parallels to Clara Bow’s story, which is also on the track list so… Lots to chew on I’m sure.

Fresh Out The Slammer: Totally think the reference to her locking herself up for years at home because she was scared in the Time POTY interview is a likely link to this. Feeling free after the weight of this decision is off her shoulders, yet the sheer terror at now being on her own and rebuilding her future. It could be uplifting but I could also see it being like pure chaos. BUT, a thought I had earlier is that, if this is a song that was written pre-Joever, maybe it’s about the aftermath of a rough patch. Like, we just got our get out of jail free cards, we made it through the other side of this Big Thing that almost ended us (e.g. the final blow in YLM), where do we go from here?

Florida!!!: Emphasis on the “!!!”!!! Honestly it had me at FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE. I’m soooooo curious and sooooooooooooo pumped for this one. I don’t want to let myself hope it’s going to sound like a Florence song BUT I HOPE IT SOUNDS LIKE A FLORENCE SONG. I’m going to guess it may be a reference to the first stop on tour after the news broke. Wasn’t that also a show where a ton of things went wrong? I can see it going so many ways! Is it a hopeful “Florida I’m coming for you you’re a symbol of my great escape my prison break my entire life crumbling and rising again”? An introspective “I never thought I’d have to rebuild my whole world after it imploded, in Florida of all places?!”? Is it a sarcastic “fucking Florida always the scene of the crime I can’t believe my life is falling apart and I need to go to FUCKASS FLORIDA oh great every thing that can go wrong with my show is FLORIDA!!!!”? Is it a rant about the corporate mouse? Or a scathing takedown of Republican politics ahead of the 2024 elections? (lol) Who’s to say?!

Guilty as Sin?: Sooooooooooo curious about this. I’m a Carolina Stan and I know there is 0% chance there is a link between the two songs other than the lyric which is a common term, but it does make me happy. My first thought about this one is that it’s going to be biting or self-reflective — kinda like the bridge of Is It Over Now? Or the chorus of Anti-Hero. As in, “what is it exactly that you think I’m guilty of?” (E.g. ambition? Drive? Seeking attention? Being selfish? But could also be sad: Loving too hard? Caring too much? Being too needy? Hmmm.) I’m kind of feeling like it’s a “if it’s wrong to be guilty of these things I don’t want to be right.” Again if I had to guess I’d wonder if it would have the same vibes as the bridge of YLM. (For some reason, with the question mark, I don’t necessarily think it’s going to be accusing someone of something…)* I also had a thought about the seven deadly sins and this title and… THOUGHTS ARE THINKING**.

(*I may not have found it accusatory in February, but with the benefit of hindsight in March I… reserve the right to change my mind about this.)

(**Future Waves here: the thoughts may have been thinking for February Waves but March Waves has no idea what she was talking about.)

Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me?: I don’t knooooooooooow. At first the title kinda gave me Blank Space vibes, like, you don’t know how much I could fuck this up if I wanted. Then some people mentioned the similarity to Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? And now that’s absolutely all I can think about. If you’ve ever seen the movie (or the play), it is rooooooooough. Watching George and Martha drunkenly eviscerate each other as their guests watch on in horror is… oof. (As someone who has seen this happen in real life and was trapped on a boat with a couple in full unhinged mode… OOF. Just OOF.) Of course there’s the Burton-Taylor of it all too so… (there’s also an interesting theme in Virginia Woolf about buying into illusion to avoid the messiness of reality… and Martha resenting George’s lack of ambition.) Is this song cheeky? Or a threat? Is this a Better Than Revenge/Vigilante Shit rebuke or is it Bejeweled owning her personhood?

(Like any of these songs, there’s also the chance that it’s heartbreaking and is really a reflection on how the things that make her her can be weaponized against her… Or how her struggles/vices alienate her to the person she loves a la Anti-Hero…)

I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can): My first thought is this is going to be one of her sarcastic/satirical/funnier ones, based on nothing except that this sounds like it could be an Olivia Rodrigo cheeky song lol. (Like, I immediately start singing this to the tune of “Get Him Back.”) Never beat those allegations, Taylor, we’ve all been there. It definitely feels like a stereotypical tale of “girl tries to fix a man who doesn’t want to change and refuses to give up.” Watch this actually be a sad ballad about the flip side of renegade and trying to help a partner through a crisis 😬 

loml: the quiet menace in this list!!!! Obviously we’re all immediately thinking “love of my life,” but because this is Taylor, we should not rest easy. The fact that it’s all in small caps is curious to me and calls back to text speak, so is this a term of endearment that turns into a final parting sign off? Is it from an email ahem? Is it a sweet song about the good parts of being together? A wistful song about a lost love? BUT THEN, because it’s Taylor, I can totally see this being a bait and switch and it standing for something else as some of you pointed out, like loss of my life, or love OR my life. Or something entirely different. I’m pretty convinced that this one is going to be devastating in some fashion. I just feel it in my bones.

I Can Do It With a Broken Heart: Like many of you, I’m fairly certain this is going to be a bittersweet Long Live-esque ode to the Eras tour. The pick yourself up by the bootstraps, get out of bed, the show must go on and the show is saving my life story. Just thinking of the quote from the Time POTY interview where she said, “I know I’m going on that stage whether I’m sick, injured, heartbroken, uncomfortable, or stressed.” And in those early weeks, it seems like she might have been all of those things at once. Just trying to talk yourself into getting out of bed when all you want the earth’s core to swallow you whole and never come back. Kind of like, I can pick up the pieces of my life and carry on even when I am dying inside. 

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived: Obviously this is about one Benjamin Button, please. OK, in all seriousness, it’s giving, well… *shots fired*. It’s giving “your integrity makes me seem small.” It’s giving “I’m a monster on the hill, too big to hang out.” It’s giving “all you are is mean.” So, part of me thinks it’s going to be turned on its head a little bit, just because… it seems to point to something directly and sometimes Taylor enjoys a bit of misdirection. So is this about someone who takes shots at someone else and in so doing, displays their own insecurity? Another thought I had is: Is this about someone who retreats into their own world so much that they’ve shut out everything and everyone else? Their whole world gets shrunken down to the four walls around them? I have a strong feeling this is an allegory-type song, using a fictionalized and possibly fantastical story to tell the real life one, but obviously I could be wrong.

The Alchemy: gonna be real with you all: I didn’t know that alchemy was the practice of turning base metals into something that looks like gold. I think I was mixing it up with apothecary or something, lol. I thought it was the practice of making potions and whatnot. #TheMoreYouKnow ANYWAY, I think the idea of “turning nothing into something that shines” is going to be important. Is it about using her best colours for a portrait to hide the cracks underneath? Is it about trying your best to make something work and thrive but ultimately coming up empty because the foundation is gone? Is it about turning these base experiences into art that fuels her? There are so many possibilities! (@taylortruther’s post about The Alchemy and other comments got me thinking too about the magician/illusionist scenario in So It Goes and now my brain is on fire.)

Clara Bow: Soooooooooo intrigued by this one too. People have pointed out so many of the interesting coincidences and parallels in their lives. Clara Bow was a silent film star who found her voice in the talkies — that right there is one metaphor about finding your voice in your art and your life. But it’s also an interesting parallel that she managed to parlay her success in silent film into talkies, at a time where few actors enjoyed a successful transition, which mirrors Taylor’s transition from country to pop. There’s the way Clara’s private life was splashed all over the press, driven by salacious rumours about her sex life and her perceived revolving door of lovers, which seems like something Taylor would empathize with. There’s the way she had a breakdown and left Hollywood, which may have some shades of 2016. Or that she got married and started a family, but insisted on keeping it a secret for many years to maintain privacy, which is interesting because in this case it seems like *Clara* was the one driving the need for secrecy, not her husband. (At least I read that in one article somewhere, sorry if that’s wrong!) Ultimately though, she died relatively young and was forgotten by mainstream Hollywood, a relic of a past uninteresting to all but the most diehard of film buffs. I’m getting vibes of “The Lucky One,”  (and “Nothing New”) both in themes and in storytelling. So, watch it be completely different and not a story about Clara Bow but instead just have it be an off-hand line lol.

BONUS TRACKS

The Manuscript: I’m veeeeeery intrigued by this one. (I know I say that about all of them. That’s because they all intrigue me.) I love the idea that this wraps up the “standard” album; the chair(wo)man of the Tortured Poets Department has submitted her thesis for review, and it’s up to the board to draw their conclusion. OR: the idea that this is the unfiltered submission to a publisher, before the editor’s review that will cut and tighten and ultimately make it better, but loses the author’s initial vision in the process. (Like self-editing to share the most palatable story to your reader. Which… Also gives Dear Reader/Midnights in general vibes.) OR EVEN: this is the author’s story, submitted to the audience for their review, leaving it up to them to draw their conclusions and annotate. There are sooooooo many ways I can see this going. 

The Bolter: A curious one indeed! I feel like of all of the bonus tracks at least, this is the one I have the least idea about. My immediate guess is that it refers to a person who runs, which would have all kinds of implications. Running from the law (unlikely lol), running from commitment, running from conflict… running for your life. Like running from commitment because you’re scared of being tied down (single girl version) to running from commitment because you’re scared of being tied down (bitter wife* version). (*NOT saying there was a secret wedding lol. I mean as in, that’s the future that was in store if one stayed.) I saw other takes saying bolter is also slang for jailer, which is also interesting with the Ready For It of it all. 

The Albatross: So much has been said about this one, so I don’t think I have much to ado about this one! The famous poem is rife with all kinds of allusions: the bird soaring on its own for up to six years, but being brought down by man’s cruelty. The bird looking majestic in the skies, but the burden of its wings dragging it down on land, slowly killing it. The story being a metaphor for how the very thing poets are exalted for in society are the things they are punished for personally. I think it’s safe to say this one is going to hurt regardless, whether it’s a reference to herself, to ***, or something else entirely.

The Black Dog: Also another one I’m not sure I have many thoughts on yet. The black dog being a metaphor for depression is likely the inspiration, and I’m assuming this has the potential to be one of the most vulnerable songs yet. I have a feeling most of this album will be, but the imagery of this — the black dog being a constant companion, wanted or not, casting a pall over its master’s every move — points in a pretty obvious direction. And one that is probably going to gut us.

Well there you have it folks! I am ready to be completely wrong!

[crystallizsch]

hello i am once again thinking about grim, and by extension the heartslabyul duo because if there’s anything else that lives in my head rent-free it’s how the main four are as close as friends as they are throughout the entire game so far.

(help this ramble became longer than i intended)

-> i know it's a pattern that the previous dorms help out in the next book which means once book 7 ends, we’re assuming book 8 would be about ramshackle(?). which means it’s diasomnia’s turn to have a big role in the following dorm. -> but it got me thinking. throughout the books, heartslabyul (specifically adeuce) is always present somehow. no matter how much screen time they actually have and how relevant they are to the conflict at that time. (actually i think something similar could be said with diasomnia but i want to focus mainly on adeuce) -> throughout the books, we're just set up with how good of friends the four are. the prologue, books 1 and 2 start to develop the four's chemistry together, and by book 3 we get one of the first signs that yuu cares about these three to the point they're willing to risk it because their dumbasses decided to sign a deal with azul. -> in book 4, while adeuce didn't have much involvement, i believe twst JUST hammers home that all four of them are friends friends. we are shown how ace and deuce went through all the trouble of transportation DURING THE HOLIDAYS because they thought yuu and grim were in trouble. like they could've easily just went "hey it must have been nothing" but they were worried enough to go check on them, not even thinking that someone else could've had handled it already.

-> since the pattern was that the previous dorm helps the next dorm, why does it seem like in book 5 it seems that heartslabyul, or at least, adeuce has as much of a big role as scarabia? the scarabia duo was there to notice the signs with vil but it was deuce who dealt the last blow to him. (honestly i don't remember much but i don't know how much help scarabia even helped pomefiore other than being in vdc hhh) -> so then it made me think, huh. it's like twst is setting up that these two will be more important than we think and will definitely not be going away soon. -> and then THE END OF BOOK 6. ouughh the end of book 6. their reunion just solidified for me how much they all care about each other. adeuce were not prompted by a direct "we're in trouble, help us" text this time. they just found out yuu and grim were somewhere in danger and it agonized them that they could do nothing about it but wait and hope they're safe. -> book 7 finally we're back to finding out ways to help yuu get home. and since they're all admittedly close friends (dare i say found family) at this point without explicitly stating it, i get the vibes of "we'll help you get home because we care about you but we're not going to think about the depressing possibility we might never see each other ever again".

-> so very abrupt transition;;; this led me to thinking about the overall “alice in wonderland” theme throughout twst. -> is that why adeuce has been with us this entire time? to remind us of that theme? we are in twisted wonderland after all. (I'm not really sure about the thought of yuu being alice but it's an interesting one to consider too) -> to tie in more with the alice in wonderland theme, i'm briefly going to go back to diasomnia. in book 7, there's like a theme of dreams. in fact, throughout the game it was all about dreams and visions and stuff. and in book 7 we're just diving into it. -> and in the story of alice in wonderland, there seems to be the implication that everything that happened in wonderland was just based on a crazy dream that alice had. like we don't know if anything was ever real. (i'm not really a fan of the "it's all a dream" twist but the connections got the gears in my brain turning) (also mickey must be relevant too but i have no thoughts about the implications of his existence at the moment 💀) -> i know we're not done with diasomnia's book but it seems to be set up as a catalyst for something bigger along the line (thinking about the possibility that there is even something bigger than a malleus overblot is very wild to say the least)

-> SO ANOTHER abrupt transition but still related, i thought about the parallel between the "overblot grim" in the beginning of the game and the "jabberwock(y)" in alice in wonderland. they're both chimera-like creatures that are like the final bosses or something. -> and what if a way for yuu to "go home" is to "slay" the jabberwocky (or in this case the overblot grim) just like in the story of alice in wonderland / through the looking glass. -> there's theories i believe that ace is set up to be some kind of "trump card" based on his name and the fact his unique magic isn't revealed yet. but also i want to add deuce in there too remembering how he held a big role in stopping vil in book 4 like some kind of foreshadowing. -> maybe the main role diasomnia will have is only about all these dream shenanigans. and i'd like to think instead that at the end of the day, this conflict with an overblotted grim is ultimately between our main four. some representations based off alice in wonderland. -> going full circle, is this why we have been shown so much of the friendship between all four of them? to establish this possible eventual conflict? and to make it harder for us to choose about "going home"? do we even get the choice?

do we "slay" the jabberwocky or will we decide to stay in this seemingly dreamlike fantasy wonderland instead?

[sunshinesteviee]

tis the damn season — sneak peek

just posting a lil sneak peek (the first few paragraphs) of the fic i’m working on based off the song by taylor swift!! including a lil collage i made with the vibes of the fic hehe enjoy!!!!

Snow crunched underneath the tires of your mom’s car as she drove down main street, past the library, past the drug store, past the police station. Past all of the places you knew so well, but reminded you of a different lifetime. It hadn’t really been that long since you’d left for college, but everything felt so much different.

You’d left Hawkins pretty quickly, not long after defeating Vecna. Much to your surprise, you’d actually been accepted into a few of the colleges you’d applied to, and so when the time came, you were more than ready to pack up and leave Hawkins behind you. Unfortunately, that meant leaving behind everyone you knew and loved. It wasn’t the people that made you want to leave, it was the town itself, and all of the horrors it hid. It hadn’t been an easy decision — you’d agonized over it for months — but eventually, you decided it would be good to get a fresh start. And besides, you’d only be two hours away.

That fact didn’t make leaving any easier, though. Especially when one of the people you were leaving behind was your childhood best friend. The same best friend you’d been in love with for years. The same best friend who you’d gone to literal hell and back with. The same best friend who had confessed his feelings for you shortly before you were set to leave for school. In typical Steve fashion, he’d chosen the worst possible moment to lay everything out on the table.

There had always been something there. Lingering touches on your waist, stolen glances when the other wasn’t looking. Hand holding, cuddles during movie nights, chaste kisses on the cheek. It was obvious to everyone except the two of you. But of course, Steve confessed only as you were leaving.

It had broken your heart to break his, especially when you’d been waiting years for that exact moment. You’d spent hours thinking about and wishing for the moment when your best friend professed his love for you, only to have to turn him down when it finally happened.

The decision, though earth-shattering, had seemed like the right one at the time. It made sense in your head. What brand new relationship would work from two hours apart?

And despite the hurt, Steve had dropped you off at your dorm just like you’d planned. He’d helped you move in, given you the longest hug known to man, and promised to call as soon as he could. For the first week, Steve called every night to ask about your day and to make sure that you were okay.

But it had been weeks since you’d last properly talked to Steve, and it was killing you. Part of you was dreading seeing him, knowing the conversation that had to be had, but a bigger part of you felt like it was dying without him. You’d never been apart for this long, especially without talking regularly, and you missed him more than words could explain.

Your breath fogged up the glass as you stared out your frosted window and then doodled in the condensation. You weren’t sure how you were going to approach Steve, how to try to fix things. If things even could be fixed. There was a high likelihood that everything had been ruined, and if that was the case, you weren’t sure how you’d survive. How you’d live without him, especially after everything you’d been through together. You needed your best friend.

—

The fic isn’t done yet, but I can’t resist posting this & the moodboard collage I made hehe. Happy holidays!! Hoping to post this before the new year. If you want to be tagged when I post this, please let me know! 🫶🏼

[blossomwritesthings]

𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐛𝐥𝐮𝐞. | 𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞

⬷ 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 ┊ 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 →

pairing: felix x fem!reader (afab) // chan x fem!reader (afab)

genre: nonidol/collegegrad!felix. waitress!reader. college au. hurt/comfort. angst. fluff. smut - MDNI, 18+ only. reader pov. friends to enemies to lovers au. slowburn romance. lots of pining. cheating. abusive boyfriend/ex. drama galore. the sexual tension is REAL in this one.

content & warnings: explicit & strong language. very thematic elements. felix is reader's estranged childhood bestie. chan is low-key an asshole in this ngl. heavy topics are mentioned such as: abusive/toxic relationships, cheating, and pathological lying. drinking/partying. the summer vibes are real in this one. there will be humor/fluff throughout to balance everything. and ofc smut too because who am i if not a whore for filthy felix smut. 😉

word count: 3.0k

summary: ever since you were born, all you've ever known is living a simple life in the small australian coastal town of bridgeport bay. you're content with working at your parent's beachside restaurant angel waves for the rest of your life, and you're happy with your place in the world - you have good friends and an even better boyfriend. that is, until everything comes to a standstill when a familiar face from the past visits town for the summer. and in the wake of his return, lee felix upturns everything you thought you were content with here in your comforting little beach town.

a/n: damn, I'm posting this SO MUCH later than I wanted to... but school just started back a few weeks ago and I've been swamped with uni hw and working full time and balancing a social life in between. 😩 so you'll have to forgive me if updates are kindaaa slow 💀 anywho- yay, they finally made up in this chapter!! things aren't completely resolved, for obvious reasons, but we shall see how things work out very soon~ 🫣

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ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ʀᴇᴘᴏsᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ sɪᴛᴇs (ᴛʜɪs ɪɴᴄʟᴜᴅᴇs ᴛʀᴀɴsʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴs). do not copy, spin-off, or write inspired work based off of this fanfic without full permission to do so. ©ʙʟᴏssᴏᴍᴡʀɪᴛᴇsᴛʜɪɴɢs ⤐ ᴀʟʟ ʀɪɢʜᴛs ʀᴇsᴇʀᴠᴇᴅ

The entire week after the party at Jeongin’s, you absolutely threw yourself into staying busy. Whether it was helping your parents out at Angel Waves by serving during the weekend dinner rush or studying for your first big exam for your Advanced Environmental Studies class, you were always on the go. 

 Soon after the drama ensued between you and Chris at the party, he stopped by your place to apologize. 

 Well, it wasn’t so much of an apology as it was an explanation. 

 And a long bout of making out afterward, too. 

 So thankfully, things were patched up between you and your boyfriend again. 

 That only left the chaos that was stretched between you and Felix. 

 You hadn’t seen him since your big blow-up at the Ice Cream Hut. And frankly, you weren’t in the mood to see him for a long while. 

 At least, that’s what you told yourself most of the time. 

 But when you noticed his absence on the beachfront every morning since the night of the party, you felt your heartstrings pull taut in an agonizing kind of way. When you began to miss the sound of his laugh and the soothing tone of his voice, you could feel the butterflies flit around in your stomach painfully. 

 Just like that, the two of you had already fallen back into a routine. 

 But you always knew that things were bound to collapse. 

 The murky pasts that you shared was like the elephant in the fucking room, and it just so happened to be the night of the party that everything came to a head. 

 It was late one Thursday night when you found yourself drifting off to thoughts of... him once more. You had worked a full day at AW but even though you were so fucking exhausted, you still had to catch up on some homework. 

 So there you were sitting at your desk in your bedroom, watching one of your professors drone on about the impact of Australian coral reef bleaching. Usually, you were very interested in your studies. But lately, you could feel your resolve slipping. 

 You could practically feel your focus going down the drain, as your mind was taken up with thoughts and worries of Lee Felix. You were still angry at him for what he had insinuated about your boyfriend that night. But mostly, you were just sad that he hadn’t fought for you. 

 That he hadn’t tried everything in his power to keep you from leaving his side at the Ice Cream Hut. You were still angry about the past, too. About the feelings that he had hurt just by leaving your side that fateful day during your graduation ceremony. 

 Your computer screen flashed, as the lecture you were watching changed to show a table graph that related to what your professor was teaching at that moment. You could feel a headache start to bloom between your temples from how much you had been studying and how worked up you still were about everything. 

 Taking in a deep sigh, you resigned to giving yourself a five-minute break from studying to regroup and re-focus your mind. Soon, you found yourself outside, standing on your parent’s front porch and gulping in the fresh sea breeze. 

 With it being so late out, the waning crescent moon was shining high in the sky, casting a silvery, ethereal kind of glow onto the brown sand below. The high tide lapped at the shore, the deep waters of the coastline looking murky and endless to your eyes. 

 It was as if you were suddenly possessed by a beautiful Selkie that was hidden just in the depths of the ocean, because soon, you were pulling away from the front porch, bare toes dragging through the soft sand as you made your way towards the shoreline. 

 Soon, you were wading through the chilly water, wiggling your feet against the moving silt just at your heels. The sound of the biting cerulean sea dancing all around you seemed to lull an aching part in your soul. And soon, you could feel yourself irrevocably relaxing. 

 Almost like, the filmy ocean waters were melting away the pain that you had been carrying onto for so very long. It was lifting the heavy weight off of your shoulders, soothing your broken heart, and trying its very best to mend the tear in the pit of your soul. 

 “You shouldn’t be out here so late at night- it’s dangerous.” 

 The deep voice that resonated out quietly behind you caused your entire body to jolt awake. Spine going completely straight, you fixed your eyes on the horizon before you, gaze drifting up to the shining moon above your head. 

 And when you didn’t reply, the man behind you continued. 

 “What are you still doing up?” 

 You were silent for a few beats, fists clenching and unclenching at your sides as you held in your rising anger. You could already feel it boiling up inside of you from having to deal with his presence again. You continued staring out into the sea, watching the black inkiness of the ocean depths. 

 “I’m fine, there’s nothing to worry about.” 

 “I don’t think you’re-”

 “Just leave me the fuck alone, okay?!” You suddenly burst out, turning around on your heels, gaze catching with his. His blonde tresses were disheveled, and the white tee he was wearing was wrinkled at the collar. He just gaped at you, with an unreadable expression on his face, lips pressed together in a single firm line and jaw ticking only slightly. “You’ve done enough already.”

 Then you were walking away without another word. You didn’t have the energy or patience to deal with his bullshit any longer. Your heart was weak enough as-is. You didn’t need any more abuse towards it. 

 Especially from him. 

 You didn’t stop trekking through the warm, slick sand until you felt a firm hand wrap around your wrist, gripping on tight and keeping you from moving any further. You stopped in your tracks, breathing coming out in sharp puffs.

 “Wait, Y/N, I-”

 Ripping your hand out of his grasp, the blood in your veins shimmering from the way his fingers had felt against your skin - all warm and faint - you could feel the anger rising in the corners of your vision. Painting everything in red again. “I hate you, you know that?” 

 For a few beats, there was utter silence. 

 And then, 

 “What?”

 Regard focused on your childhood house that wasn’t too far off into the distance now, your shoulders set with a rigid kind of resolve. “You heard me,” you began, voice low as death and tone cold down to the marrow. “I fucking hate you- have since years ago and-”

 “You don’t mean that.” 

 “Yes, I do.” 

 “No, you don’t.” 

 Finally getting fed up with his blatant disregard for your feelings, you twisted around to face him again. Coming up into his space, you pressed a finger into his chest, for the moment ignoring the hard muscle you could feel there. Gazing up into his eyes with narrow eyes, you seethed out. “You don’t get to fucking abandon me and disappear out of nowhere, and then come back around here and act like you know what’s best for me. Don’t act like you know me because you don’t- we’ve both changed and you’re too much of a coward to admit that.” Your voice wasn’t raised in anger. Instead, it was deep and gravelly, throbbing with emotion.

 Because although you were angry beyond belief, you were also sad out of your mind. 

 Then without another word, he was wrapping a few fingers around the one you were jamming into his chest, pulling it away from himself and squeezing there gently. “Every day that I was gone- I died a little bit inside. It killed me to be met with utter silence every time I needed someone to turn to. I missed you so much, I would lie awake in my bed late into the night, aching so much I could hardly fucking breathe- I’d wake up and my limbs would shake from all of the agony.” He was staring down at you, and only then did you realize how close the two of you were. Faces just a mere hairsbreadth from each other. 

 “Why did you do it, Felix?” You found yourself asking, voice breaking at the end of your words as the cloudiness began to form at the edges of your vision. “I needed you, you know that? I needed you so fucking much and you-”

 The tears overwhelmed every part of your system after that, shaking your shoulders and making your legs wobbly. And then Felix was wrapping both arms around your waist, holding you close and pressing the side of your cheek against his warm chest. 

 “I know- I know,” he choked out, sounding like he was on the verge of tears as well. One of his hands rose from your hips, stroking through your strands of hair gently. “I just- couldn’t deal with the fallout of everything. Like a fool- I left without a word and stayed away. And then one day- I got in contact with Jisung again and he mentioned you and I… I lost it and I knew that it was time for me to finally come home.” 

 You pulled away from his chest at his words, gaping up at him with slightly parted lips. The tears blurred your vision, making him out to be a smudge against the brilliant starry sky. The moon hung low on the horizon, casting a supernatural kind of glow down onto his blonde tresses and milky skin. 

 “B-But why, Felix?” You needed an answer. A final and definite one. You were sick of beating around the bush, skirting around all of the issues. For years, ever since your colossal blowup, you had been wondering and obsessing over the sole reason why he had done what he had. Why he had caused everything to go to shit in just a single fucking night. 

 The silence lapsed between the two of you, and after a few beats, his hand was pulling away from your scalp, moving around to your face. A gentle thumb caressing underneath one of your eyes to wipe away the falling tears, he let out a quiet breath, freckled cheeks dusted with the pinkish hue of sentiment. His finger swiped against your cheek like the kiss of a butterfly wing. 

 “I think you already know why, angel.” 

 That nickname… 

 Angel. 

 The one he used to use on you ever since you were little kids. 

 It caused something deep inside you to stir. Something unknown and scary to break apart deep inside of your heart - dancing and leaping around in your soul and painting your mind in an effervescent light of happiness and mirth. 

 Because no one had ever called you that besides him. 

 And it had been over four years since you had heard him utter it. 

 Low, sultry voice wrapping around the word, the sound of it floating out of his mouth and tickling your ears delightfully. 

 His confession came out all whispery, just barely louder than the waves lapping at your feet. They were meant for your ears only, and at that exact moment, you understood everything. 

 Lee Felix peered down at you like you were his whole world. 

 His everything,

 And so much more. 

 And he had been the same thing for you, for so very long. 

 But then Chris stepped into your life and turned your entire world on its axis. 

 “You really hate him that much, then?” 

 “I wouldn’t choose him for you if he was the last man on earth.” 

 “He’s not that bad, Felix.” 

 “Hell- I’d rather you date Jisung instead!” 

 Your eyes widened as you stared up at him, the corners of the night sky starting to become clear again as the tears staved off rather slowly. “You seriously can’t mean that.” Although Jisung had been both of your friends since elementary school, the man was notorious for being horrible with the ladies. He couldn’t charm the pants off of a woman if his life depended on it. 

But he was one hell of a good guy and the most loyal person you'd ever met. In your mind, he had always taken a close second place next to Felix. 

 And when Felix moved away and left you in utter silence… 

 Well, Jisung was there to help you pick up the pieces. 

 And Chris, too. 

 But he was your boyfriend. 

 And boyfriends were much different than best friends. 

 Felix reached forward, tucking a loose strand of your wild, windswept hair behind one of your ears. “I just think- he’s not the right guy for you, that’s all,” he canted his head to the side in a quizzical way, trying to find the right words that were jumbled up in his mind. “I never liked him, even before the two of you started dating in high school.” 

 You raised an eyebrow his way, mind buzzing with millions of questions. Ones that had been left unanswered since you were a young seventeen-year-old girl. “What is it about him that irks you so much?” 

 He shrugged slowly, the hand clutching on a little tighter to your hip, the other fingers going back to card through your hair. “Honestly, it’s hard to pinpoint… he just, rubs me in all of the wrong ways.” 

 “And do you think every man that dates me will rub you the wrong way?” You asked, playfully shoving at his chest and putting a minuscule amount of distance between the two of you. The moon was out, and with it being so late at night, the breeze was cool against your skin, forcing shivers to course up your spine.

 “Yeah, I think so,” he shot you a devilish grin, the kind that spread across his mouth and brightened up his entire face. But then suddenly, his eyes were darkening and his smile was turning into the serious press of a frown. “You’re too perfect to give up to some cunt of a man- I want to see you with someone much better than him. Someone more… competent.” 

 Poking a finger into the hidden dimple at his cheek, you laughed heartily at the remark. “Well, that’s never gonna happen because no man is 'competent.' They’re all assholes, except some aren’t as bad of ones.” 

 Just then he was leaning into your space again, breathing in your scent with a wicked smirk slashing against his lips. “And where do I stand on the totem pole of assholes, huh? Am I the lowest of lows or middle ground?” 

 Your eyes trailed up to the sky above, searching the stars for an answer. “Hmm- I’d say…” You let yourself drawl on, focus coming back onto him, and his face that was illuminated in the deep twilight. Blonde locks messy from the beach breeze at your side and pearly white teeth showing against a pretty pink mouth. Fuck- that mouth. Why had you never noticed it before? It was so perfect - shaped like a springtime rosebud, red and rosy and so fucking kissable and… Wait. Why were you thinking about his lips? “I- uh, I’d say-” You found yourself stuttering over your words in the next beat, breath catching painfully in your chest as you tried to rip your eyes away from those lips. 

 “It’s alright, I get it. Such an extraordinary man like me is hard to pinpoint.” Those lips ticked up higher into that familiar smirk of his, forcing your heart to skip over itself about a million times in just under a single minute. “Don’t worry, I won’t hold the judging against you.” 

 That seemed to break the trance that you were in, and soon, your regard was traveling up his face again, past his regal nose and sharp cheekbones, and locking onto his eyes. He stared down at you with those imploringly. They were dark against the night atmosphere, swimming like the swarthy oceans below, with a myriad of colors and feelings. Dark brows suddenly crumpled together, and it looked like he was about to say something in that halted moment. In that tender, delicate space that had suddenly formed between you. 

 “I need to get back inside. It’s getting late and I still have to finish studying.” You finally said, breaking through the bated silence that had fallen between the two of you in the last few moments. 

 Felix nodded once, but he didn’t seem all that committed to the idea. Almost like, it killed him to leave that space with you. To abandon that tightrope that the two of you were balancing on just then. 

 “Yeah, I’m pretty beat myself.” He said, rubbing a nervous hand at the back of his neck. 

 Backing up slowly, you started to float towards your parent's house once more. As you neared the front porch steps, you heard the rustling of fabric behind you and turned to see Felix had followed you to the house. 

 He shrugged, once, gaze leaving your form and traveling over to his own parent's house just down the way. “Figured it’d be safest to see you to the door.” 

 Rolling your eyes at him in annoyance, you took the first two steps up to the front door. You could feel his eyes on you, stare burning two searing holes into your skin with each small movement that you took. Growing further and further away from him. 

 “See ya tomorrow, bright and early?” His voice carried out between the distance around you, serenading your ears and dancing in the depths of your soul. 

 You didn’t even spare him a full glance, just tilted your head to the side and offered him a crooked smile. “We’ll see…” You let your words trail off into the misty night, the high clouds above carrying them up and off into the watery distance of the shoreline. Then, you were slinking across the threshold of your house and closing the door behind you with a soft click. 

To be continued...

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[farm-witches-fic-recs]

Friends! Countrypeople! Townies! The farm witch community has gathered together again to bring a selection of favorites old and new for your reading pleasure.

Check out these fics, leave the authors some love, and enjoy your days in the ways that make you happiest.

==========

London, Love, and All it Entails (londonspirit) “Patrick and David’s long term, long distance love affair. Someone mentioned GOGO (Getting Over Getting Older) and this one came to mind: two people are destined to be together but they first have lots to do before they are both ready. I find it both comforting and inspiring.” 

Noble Beloved (AWorldOfDreams/@a-noble-dragon) “I love this story so much! The entire Dracotine series to be honest. It’s such a unique spin on our favorite boys and their romance. The longing is palpable. The sexy times are hot as hell. And, yes, Patrick is a dragon—a perfect, snippy, numbers guy of a dragon. 💙🐉🖤”

My misspent youth and my slow decline (@stereopticons) “Only 800 words but it hurts so good. Patrick, David, Stevie, and Alexis each get a devastating moment that ends on such a high. Loved this.”

People like that are the only people here (@likerealpeopledo-on-ao3) “Warm yet complex Brewer family vibes, a gigantic treehouse, and Patrick coming to terms with his past at Thanksgiving. Plus the Roses! Doing Rose things! It’s a fic that helped me see how Patrick developed the flawed communication style he’s perfected and how sublime David is as a supportive partner (housewarming not included).”

Shot glass of tears (@blackandwhiteandrose) “There's just so much good stuff packed in a short fic. David in NYC is a whole mood but the way he feels things and even changes over this little bit of time is crazy. it's sad but it's not. I love that it ends knowing right where they'll pick up in Schitt's Creek.” 

Too fast (@grapehyasynth) “I come back to this one all the time. David worrying about this date being wrong for him (mini-golf! who would think David would mesh well with mini-golf!) but realizing how much Patrick is trying, how hot he thinks Patrick is, and relaxing into it and letting himself be charmed while still agonizing over making sure he isn't messing things up with Patrick is so lovely.” 

The touch of your hand makes my pulse react (pandorasdaydream) “This new RPF manages to create a vivid world where Dan and Noah are together and it's a world with both love and tenderness but also melancholy and jealousy. Highly recommend if you were one of those fans who did a side eye at Dan showing up drunk and enamored at Noah's London show.”

True Blue series (ayes)" An inventive, sweet & hot early-relationship AU in which David’s escape with Roland’s truck after the events of S1 ends with an encounter with friendly and generous goat farmer Clint Brewer (and his family) instead of the cranky Mennonites…. So David meets Patrick even before he’s worked at the Blouse Barn. The story includes hilarious appearances by the Roses and Stevie, is told from David’s (very anxious) PoV, and is as insightful & funny & satisfying as we all deserve. The series comes in two parts; both are worth devouring!" 

Wild and Wooded (@lisamc-21) “This is everything I want in a non angsty AU fic. They meet, tease and banter, find a way to meet again, click boom, and a happy ending. Patrick is so earnest and wears his heart on his sleeve, not to mention those heart eyes. David knows that Patrick has something that he has never encountered before. He wants it, but history has him doubting. Great dialog, great intimate scenes, lovely story.”

[ratgirlcopia]

this is just all the ghost chapters plus how painful* they are to watch and why. and also kind of just a synopsis of all the parts i consider important. and also some analysis. i don't really know what this is but it's very long.

*"pain" here being defined as the intended impact of this sort of cringe comedy but also genuine emotional pain.

chapter 1: new blood. extremely easy to watch. a 0/10 on the pain scale. it's a funny, charming introduction to nihil and imperator.

chapter 2: the cardinal. pretty easy to watch. a 0.5/10 on the pain scale. pain here attributed to nihil immediately turning away from copia in order to talk about him like he's not there. it's hilarious. (other points of note that nobody talks about: copia refers to nihil + imperator as "your dark excellencies" here and never again. imperator refers to copia as nihil's "right hand man" which makes nihil being so immediately dismissive of him even funnier.)

chapter 3: back on the road. extremely easy to watch. a 0/10 on the pain scale. this one is just regular old goofs. and they're great goofs. the abrupt cut of pro memoria into the van being shut with the bodies in it, imperator slapping the side of the van, the voiceover at the end. it's great. DISCLAIMER: pain rating here does not take into consideration the comical inaccuracies in how the embalming process is depicted and assumes this goof was semi-unintentional.

chapter 4: the accident. extremely easy to watch. another 0/10. i'm noticing a pattern here regarding the pain scale and copia's presence (or lack thereof). this one is just regular goofs. the classic "imperator listens to miasma so hard she drives off a cliff and footage of five different exploding cars plays." it's great. the nihil/imperator interactions always have the same general vibe to them, and that vibe always tends to be really funny.

chapter 5: the call. pretty easy to watch. it gets a 1/10 because of the extremely heavyhanded omen references that parallel the ghost narrative. nihil talking about how "one, two, and three are all very good" but christ appearing at the end of 3 is a "shitty ending" feels very much like a parallel to him being annoyed about copia taking over. "when you start episode 4, you have to do a lot of rebuilding." (point of note that nobody talks about: imperator gets a call from "the old one himself" and this is never acknowledged again).

chapter 6: the visit. NOT easy to watch. it gets a 5/10. copia opens the door. copia closes the door. the nurse looks like she wants him dead (judging from the 2023 halloween quiz, he may be experiencing gender envy here as the nurse does have that cornette-y hat, but...pure speculation). cardinal. sister. papa. cardinal. sister. cardinal. sister. this is the chapter with the first instance of prolonged copia dialogue, and it shows. it is agonizing, but it is funny.

chapter 7: new world redro. very easy to watch. it gets a 0/10 on the pain scale. copia crashing into the wall on the tricycle is a classic bit, but i feel like that bit overshadowed every other implication in this chapter. it needs a longer breakdown.

the "previously on" sequence at the beginning emphasizes nihil being "all out of progeny" and copia not being part of the bloodline

however, everything after that implies copia is nihil's kid

nihil refers to him as "that boy" while at the typewriter

in nihil's dream sequence, the typewriter paper says "all work and no play makes papa a bad dad." we know he was a bad dad to the other three, but they're dead. why would he dream that he's repeatedly typing this while he's in his office and copia's riding around on a tricycle unless he was still actively being a bad dad?

this dream sequence also has him sleepwalking and encountering young imperator and his younger self. bad dad + remembering the era when copia was conceived = narrative implication and nihil's internal suspicion that he is copia's dad.

chapter 8: kiss the go-goat. this almost doesn't count, since it's mostly just the go-goat music video, but let's give it a 1/10 on the pain scale just for young nihil's existence. it's a great music video, and it also retcons some earlier ghost lore (namely, that the ministry is in sweden. from this point onward, it's pretty clear that they've historically been in los angeles). and then imperator's obviously pregnant with nihil's kid here.

chapter 9: tomb it may concern. compared to 1-8, i imagine this chapter felt like 9/11 when it came out. and that's the rating it gets. a nine out of eleven on the pain scale (9/10. technically).

this is the first time we see copia in a casual context. imperator calls, is immediately annoyed that copia has already recovered from the two-for-one plastic surgery, and almost calls herself his mom.

"my nose is now very delicate." "my jaw is a little bit overdone, i guess."

imperator is checking herself out in the camera for a good chunk of this, even though she's the one who initiated the call.

copia suggesting he dye his hair, emphasizing that he has nihil's white eye, imperator dodging this with innuendo so she doesn't have to verbally acknowledge copia's parentage.

copia then faking a bad connection and trying to get her off the call. the "i love you. i like you?" that goes fully unacknowledged. imperator's "aren't you supposed to be working?" and then her skeptical/unimpressed face as the call ends.

it's a waking nightmare. it's unwatchable. it's the best chapter so far, and maybe the best chapter overall.

chapter 10: home coming & special guests. pretty watchable. probably a 3/10 for copia's general demeanor and interactions with saltarian. more lore focused and less goof focused.

the implication here is that copia has always lived at the ministry and this has always been his bedroom, so he was probably at a hotel while recovering from the plastic surgery.

in the "i can't call you papa" discussion, the heavy handed implication is that nihil is copia's father, and imperator has not explicitly told copia that nihil is his dad (saying "i think so" when asked if he understands why she can't call him papa), even though copia can tell and has tried to get her to acknowledge it via the eye comment in 9.

imperator calling him "c" and "cardi" more or less confirms at the very least that "copia" is a name and not a title, though i'm personally also a "'cardinal' is his actual given name and also not a title" truther. anyway.

he cracks his spine with the worst noise i've ever heard and rides a tricycle up to the door to greet saltarian. the implication of the tricycle here (especially since he was shown with a full-size one in the prequelle-era chapters) could be that he's kind of symbolically outgrown that era, which i always thought was a fun touch.

both copia and saltarian also ring that doorbell WAY too many times when they're coming in, unless it's the kind of doorbell that just keeps going after you press it once.

also, copia clearly knows saltarian and wants to be friendly with him. saltarian seems to think copia's a bit of a goof-off and knows him well enough to know it's definitely copia's tricycle.

the "i can smell it" comment probably refers to nihil's dead body.

chapter 11: family dinner. incredibly painful watch. probably an 8/10.

imperator kicks a football into copia's head and everyone but copia is amused by this, and imperator's "oh, stop" seems to be directed at copia's sarcastic comment to nihil rather than nihil laughing at him. then copia's "i'm very happy. i'm very very happy" after this hits as possibly the least true statement he's ever made, but at the same time, his tone says he believes it.

copia's joke about the beijing beef phasing through nihil's body because he's a ghost is met with a few laughs, so he doubles down on this joke and drags it out a bit longer than necessary.

"you can't act. i can act" "i can too act. look, that's just totally your opinion, dude." should win an award.

imperator's facial expressions here indicate that she agrees with nihil, and when copia says that he's lost his appetite, she rolls her eyes. imperator is at least 50% of the decisionmaking process behind copia doing tv (if not more, since she seems to be in charge of everything), she has just as little faith in his acting ability, just as little respect for him, but has nihil tell him this. and it works. copia gets up, addresses her and saltarian normally, and transfers his hurt and annoyance onto JUST nihil by calling him "dickhead."

and of course the scene ends with nihil trying and failing to eat beijing beef just like copia said, thereby giving copia some credibility as the only rational person there.

chapter 12: ghost goes hollywood. the most painful chapter to watch, both emotionally and from a cringe comedy perspective. it gets the only 10/10.

copia introduces himself as "c," which is notable because it again solidifies that at least one part of "cardinal copia" is his actual name, and also indicates that imperator not calling him "papa" was enough for him to stop introducing himself as such (then again, maybe he wants the audition tape to rely more on his skills than his title).

then he proceeds to misquote, in order: a few good men, terminator 2, the sixth sense, jaws, apocalypse now, john wick, wayne's world, the maltese falcon, zoolander, scent of a woman, terminator, terminator 2 again, silence of the lambs, the matrix, air force one, jerry maguire, the warriors, rocky, [no clue], who framed roger rabbit, snakes on a plane, star wars, ace ventura, the truman show.

and then he takes the tape outside and puts it in the mailbox like sophie in mamma mia, and somehow the only unfilmed movie reference there is the only one that actually hits with some level of sincerity. and then it's over.

chapter 13: the beach life. it gets a 3/10 because that's pretty much the baseline for copia interacting with saltarian, but it's actually a very nice, chill chapter.

notable lore additions include that copia can drive. it's also the first time we see him in direct natural sunlight in a chapter video.

he also looks happy to be outside. the hop-skip out of the car, the spin on the porch, etc.

the binocular interaction with saltarian is really funny, with saltarian throwing up the middle finger and devil horns as soon as he realizes copia's watching him, then winking. good goof. the slow fighting montage they have is funny, and they're clearly both having a good time. it almost feels like copia's having TOO good of a time in the grand scale of what he experiences throughout the chapters.

and then he pretends he can hear what saltarian is saying for WAY too long before eventually admitting he can't.

it's interesting that saltarian refers to nihil as "mr. nihil" instead of "papa nihil," which might indicate that saltarian sees nihil as having been demoted since his death + copia's ascension (or maybe he just doesn't use the papa title for anyone). it's a shame saltarian never directly addresses copia by name or title.

it's also interesting that right after this, copia then calls nihil "nihil" instead of "papa" when talking about him to saltarian, like this dismissal of nihil's title made him realize he doesn't have to do that (at least not when nihil isn't around).

chapter 14: road trip. it gets a 7/10. it's incredibly awkward.

copia farts horrifically in the car and tries to pretend he didn't. the first band he can think of that starts with an "s" is salt n pepa.

he says jimi hendrix for "h" (not a band, but imperator pretends this is a fine answer).

then nihil sharts in the car.

imperator's accent is insane in this chapter.

i just realized copia says "you're definitely sharting" instead of "you're definitely charting" when nihil starts talking about mary on a cross. saltarian gets progressively more annoyed with nihil and copia's banter.

nihil wants a tesla. copia thinks this is stupid.

saltarian's "i know when your time is up" line here is usually (mis)interpreted as a threat, but personally i think it's just more of a general reminder to copia that beefing with nihil is not his biggest problem and he needs to stop thinking that enough witty comebacks (or attempts at those) will make things better for him.

chapter 15. this isn't a chapter, they even scrawl over "chapter 15" on the title card. next!

chapter 16: tax season. this one is...painful to watch, but more due to the other implications. it gets a 4/10 for imperator interactions and copia being bad at video games.

saltarian pushes an empty glass coffin down the hall, looks happy about this.

copia is playing a driving miss daisy NES game (not a real thing).

then imperator calls, and copia pretends he's doing taxes. imperator's tone indicates that she knows he is not doing taxes, presumably because she can hear the video game sounds from over the phone/the room next to him.

imperator announces the forum show, and copia sees saltarian going by with the coffin and smiling. copia is concerned about this coffin.

imperator comes in and says it's a "brand new, additional coffin." imperator says he does not need to worry about that, and that "jesus is coming."

copia is visibly confused by this, then shouts "finally!" after imperator has left the room (implications i cannot even begin to process), then resumes his game and selects the "fuck off, miss daisy" dialogue option when asked if he will drive miss daisy to church (a place miss daisy, an elderly jewish woman, would not be going to anyway).

chapter 17: nap time. this one isn't that hard to watch. maybe a 2/10 for the inherent awkwardness of nihil-copia interactions, but it's just kinda goofy.

we see the glass coffin saltarian was pushing around, and that now has nihil in it. boom. mystery solved, especially if we assume in chapter 10, saltarian was talking about the smell of nihil's body. of course he'd be happy to finally get that thing in a coffin.

we also haven't seen nihil's body in a coffin prior to this point, so the coffin was obviously never for copia.

copia drops his juice box straw (the video gets crunchy here for some reason), then pats around in the fog and picks up a wrench and an american flag by mistake while looking for it.

nihil's ghost then comes out of the coffin and copia calls him "pops."

point of note: copia is in a pretty good mood here (at least better than usual in the impera-era chapters), presumably because he realized the coffin was for nihil.

copia says "i brought you something" when lifting up the gold record, but we see him walk into the room at the beginning of the scene and he's very obviously not carrying it then.

copia describes "mary on a cross" as "your old shitty song! well, it's actually quite good, but it's—not that—anyway!" which is a FASCINATING line delivery that makes my brain tick in wild ways, but that's another post.

there's a fly buzzing around. additional support for the "nihil stinks" theory.

copia says "i'll skiddle," presumably meaning "skedaddle."

conclusion

and there we have it! that's all the chapters! wow! overall, most of them are not that painful, but the ones that are...definitely are.

i guess i didn't think about it that much before, but the prequelle-era chapters barely have copia in them, so i can see how really significant aspects of his personality and mannerisms that only show up in the impera-era chapters kinda just...don't make it into a lot of fan interpretations of him, especially for people who were watching these as they came out and built their understanding of him based on that. the prequelle chapters make the ministry seem at least a little more formal than it actually is, but when you take everything into account, you end up with this:

copia has always lived at the ministry, presumably always in that bedroom

copia was nihil's "right-hand man" (probably more like personal assistant) for a long time prior to becoming the ghost frontman

copia is imperator and nihil's kid, but imperator has not explicitly told him this (either that she's his mom or that nihil is his dad) and she instead assumes he understands both of those things based on her weird facial expressions

saltarian works at the ministry but does not live there

at least one component of "cardinal copia" is copia's given name, and there's at least a chance it's "cardinal"

based on the progression of the information gleaned through these chapters, i can make zero educated guesses about the direction the ghovie will take. thank you and goodnight.

[revlischarm]

Guys help my brain has decided to suck and I’ve been over analyzing my designs for Morro and I lowkey hate them

Uhhhh art rant under the cut because I don’t really have anyone else to talk to about this so I guess I’m just speaking into the void and asking it for advice and no, I’m not doing this because I want notes or attention or whatever I’m genuinely agonizing over these designs.

The bandages feel almost out of place? Maybe they’re too bright? I like the rope in Morro’s first design, it feels like a good nod to his canon outfit, but the color I picked for the pants has been nagging me, as has the shoes. Where would Morro even get those ninja shoes. He’s barefoot in the show and I can’t imagine they’re easy to come by normally. Maybe boots? Those are easier to obtain and would fit Morro’s style—though I’m not sure how practical they are for everyday wear. Too clunky? I’m not sure.

The scar I feel should be brighter or more noticeable? It’s hard to make out with the colors and style of LMK—maybe darker instead?? Or fucking green? Like Cole’s scar from the Rift?????

I could replace the bandages with gloves maybe or just make them less…well less lines. Wider strips, too.

Uhhhh as for the Season 3 outfit I. Hate the scarf. And when I say hate I mean it’s so fucking hard for me to draw it every single time and I’m not sure how well it actually goes with the outfit?? I know in the show the color choices and outfits and everything have these subtle meanings and such to them but I wasn’t really sure how to incorporate that with Morro so I just went brrrrrr pretty colors. The combination of red and teal is one of my favorite pairings. You have no idea how much I lamented over trying to give Morro some red eyeliner too before giving up because it was too hard to add in style-wise.

The shoes I like, the choice of sandals feels like a good one because they were doing a lot of desert stuff for a while and idk it gives him more of a summery vibe. Overall I like the pants and shoes. It’s. It’s definitely just the scarf I’m taking issue with I realize, but I have no idea what else I could add to his shoulders. I want him to have something that flows maybe? Idk I just wanted to cover his neck I guess or give him some extra thing for the outfit. Plus he sorta matches Macaque a little bit. And the color was to pair with the red on the pants, since it felt out of place just having that one splash of red.

Idk like I said I just feel unsure about the whole design and if I’m going to be drawing more edits and art for the au I want to have a design I’m actually happy with please help

[dangerously-human]

I was right a year ago, and I was right again now even though I told myself I was being foolish and immediately moved past my suspicion, because why wouldn't I when I was directly told otherwise?

Which is to say: the young whippersnapper asked me out today, after our hike. Sort of. He had written me a letter, and read it, so it was a bit more of a dramatic confession than anything else - but to be fair, that's definitely the vibe I was stuck on with crushes in my early twenties too. It kicked off with "I know we both know I was lying when I said this wasn't what I was trying to do last year," and I had to stop him to say no, I did not know that. That's the one piece of this that does bother me, because I agonized over that misunderstanding, I blamed myself for thinking way too highly of myself and reading the situation wrong, and I would have made different - more careful - choices had I known over the last year that he did have a crush on me. I stopped being cautious not to lead him on, but I don't think I can feel guilty when I was operating off of the information I'd been given. But aside from that, it was fine, and just like last time, I'm glad we cleared the air. I told him I was proud of him for trying, said I've only ever managed to do that outright once and it's hard, but I froze when he asked when because I do not want to encourage the jealousy factor I sense still simmering between him and the adventurer even a year past me resolving my own crush, so I said that was a story for another time, maybe - but at least I have a very good track record of keeping/getting back to normal with these friendships that had this complicating factor in one direction or another. That was apparently part of his worry, that I've been talking more about moving, whether that's the Ireland fellowship or just trying somewhere else for a year, and I "graduate" from young adults Bible study this summer, and he was a little scared of losing me. So again, I pointed out that I've got a good track record of maintaining friendships even when we don't share the same context anymore. He was respectful about everything, not at all pushy (just a tad dramatic), only objecting to my point from last year about the age gap - which I stand by, but it's not the only reason this wouldn't work for me, it was just the easiest one to say quickly last time around.

It feels a little messy, honestly - I'm genuinely surprised Bible study bestie managed not to give anything away when we were talking dating stuff last night (she helped me set up a dating app profile, which is a whole other challenge I feel far less equipped to deal with, if I'm being honest), since the young whippersnapper asked her and her husband for advice, so they were already in the loop. Which makes it easier, doesn't it, I can process with BSB without having to really catch her up on much. These things happen, in friend groups, where everyone's kind of involved to varying degrees. And partially it's a bit flattering, really. But I'm not going to date someone where I'd be the spiritual leader in the relationship, or the more mature in just about every way (among other reasons). I guess the good thing about functionally having this discussion split across a year like this is he's grown a ton in the meantime, so I don't think I hurt him nearly as badly as I would have before. And while I'm frustrated that he lied to me, we did end up with a closer friendship than I would have allowed otherwise, and it's a good one. I just... it's a lot, I guess. More for him than me, obviously. And I hope I handled it with grace.

(But there's a part of me that's yelling I TOLD YOU SO, too. Even in the midst of awkwardness, dang do I appreciate the vindication of being right.)

[emsuemsu]

@hprecfest day 10: fest fic

All these magnificent different fests are undoubtedly my downfall. I have the uttermost respect and all my love for the people hosting these fest and for the people participating in them. Especially @hprecfest - I've had such a blast coming up with these fics to rec and my tbr list has exploded because of all the spectacular stories recced. 💖💖💖💖

I decided to stick with some of this years fest entries. These are some of my favorite fests (i skipped the drarry-centric fests this time) and fics from them, and this became a bit longer than intented:

Feels Like Spring by @lumosatnight 🩵 5,033 words, harry/charlie/oliver, written for @hp-fruit-fest, @hp-poetry-fest and @wood-you-rather-challenge

Charlie Weasley felt like summer and smelled like watermelon. Harry Potter felt like winter and smelled like pomegranate. Together, they felt like spring and smelled like home.

Beyond beautiful. The parallels, the formatting, everything in this fic is just to die for. It's just as sickly sweet as the fruit featured in it laced with a hefty amount of some agonizing pain. Absolutely stunning.

Let Me Help You, Mr. Lupin by @goldenbi 🩵 2,941 words, james/lyall, written for @hprarepairfest

James nodded, his eyes lowering to Lyall’s neck and then back up. “Yeah, Mr. Lupin. I want to help you.” “How’s that?” Lyall couldn’t figure out how a young man like James Potter could help him grieve his wife. She’d been dying for years, he had known it was coming; he knew, and still it had caught him off guard. “I want to fuck you,” James said. Lyall spilled the whiskey across his lap and swore. He reached for his wand and cleaned himself up, placing the glass safely on one of Hope’s coasters. “Excuse me, I must have misheard—?” James’s expression was fond, “I want to fuck you. I want to lay you in bed, open you up, and fuck you so hard that you forget about everything other than my body. Then, you are going to sleep.” 

Dubcon galore. I'm absolutely gagged. Rare pair fest had me on my knees and still has, and this fic is just 🤌🤌

Make Our Dreams Come True by @coconutice22 🩵 595 words, gen harry, written for @harryjamespotterweek

Eight-year-old Harry and his friends plan a summertime heist.

🥹🥹🥹 the amount of tears I've shed for this 600-word fic is ridiculous. Harry is my favorite boy and deserves the world. This is such a cute little story, it's heartbreaking and heart-warming at the same time. I think about this fic at least a few times a week.

My place of refuge by plecotusauritus 🩵 19,468 words, sirius/james, written for @prongsfootfest

James Potter is a small town boy with good grades, tight knit group of friends and passion for football. Things change when a mysterious stranger seeks shelter at his father's church after running away from London.

Prongsfoot has my whole entire heart. Whole. Entire. Heart. This was a tragically cute fic. I'm a sucker for some religious themes in a story, and it's always interesting how the same faith has such different interpretations depending on one's background.

The Sun, Shining Above You by @oknowkiss 🩵 14,565 words, draco/harry/ron, written for @dronarryfest

Since joining up with the dragontamers, Draco counts his days in nights. Nights spent drinking in the commune mess, making poor choices he doesn't regret, for once. Nights he doesn't remember, and nights he wishes he could stop remembering. Then there's that night in Spain, caught in the circle of Ron's arms. A year of nights in Norway, caught in the heat of Harry's gaze. His first night at the Burrow, caught in between them both.

This story is a vibe with all capital letters. It's unbelievably delish, intimate (the hair cutting part.. i'm trembling), warm, steamy, beautiful, I'm obsessed. This fic ticks all the right boxes for me.

A Time, Dark and Divine by @moonflower-rose 🩵 17,023 words, draco/harry/ron, written for @dronarryfest

“Harry. Please. You know I wouldn’t ever… I wouldn’t do anything…” “You’re going to have to be quiet for me,” Harry whispers. “You don’t want to wake him up.” On a humid night in Portugal, Draco Malfoy opens a door that Ron had thought long closed.

Another one from dronarry fest because why the fuck not. The way I'm salivating over this. I absolutely love Ron in this fic, he's a slag and he knows it and he owns it. But there's always something more and the way this fic reveals his thoughts little by little is magnificent and a punch to the gut. The dynamics of the trio are immaculate. And the jealousy always slaps. I also love how seamlessly it follows through the amazing The Last Star Falling by @tackytigerfic which I hadn't read before but I'm glad I found it via this story.

[mlichaelm]

FIC WRITERS!!!

specifically those who like to write to music!

if you are ever struggling with a plot hole, character arc/motivation, or other writer’s-block-afflicting issue, make a playlist!!

for example:

my upcoming chapter is dealing with a character i struggle to write + have no idea how to carry out their arc. i’ve been agonizing over it ever since the first time i was able to shove that part of the story to the side of my mind. so, i created a character mood playlist.

just at random, picking songs from other playlists that i think fit the vibe of the canon character AND the vibe of where i want their character to be + end up at!

this could be genre, lyrics, vocals, theme, etc! go wild and just add everything that tickles your fancy, you can always curate it later when you narrow down the vibe! initially you’re just throwing shit in to start your creativity pool.

as you’re listening to music and sifting through songs, you may start to form some vague plot line, arc, and motivation ideas. that’ll affect what songs you think to add to your “trial queue” to see if they continue to resonate with how you’re crafting this character/story.

you can be as specific or as vague as you want! if it’s a world you’re building, you could include ambient music or maybe some songs that tell more of a story about the people or cultures inside it. if it’s a character, it could be their hypothetical strut song or a song you just know screams their inner midnight monologue.

basically what you’re doing is spitballing ideas in the form of music! to me it’s kind of adjacent to just typing whatever’s in your brain just to get something down. sure, maybe the playlist you make is incredibly unorganized and hard to explain, but it’s just the first pass!! and nobody has to even see it!! i find it helps me generate some good metaphors and quick character motivations/backstories especially.

this is getting long but i hope this helps at least a few people get inspired again!! and if anyone would like it, i am more than happy to show a few examples of my own playlists i’ve created + curated for characters!

[retconomics]

🥳🎉🎊🍾 <—— me when you return to attollo. there’s about ten of us attollo ppl at any given time and i love us all for it. tell me more about whatever the fuck alice and dw have going on or give me fun facts about Alice. what’s her favorite color is he a good gift giver? omg do you have any other attollo ocs?? also happy new year!! i hope this year/school/work treats u well and you get everything u want in life. 💃

JAHSBDHASBJD YOU ARE TOO SWEET happy new year and well wishes to you too!! but fr i am proudly wearing my 'small but mighty attollo fanclub' badge always

I AM BLOWING U A MILLION KISSES thank you for being interested in Alice she is my favorite little princess..

favorite color used to be periwinkle blue but too many scrubs come in that color so he got kinda sick of it (so now I guess it might be marigold? whatever that really deep rich yellow color is).

She's an ok gift giver in that his sleuthing ability is pretty good (he'll ask a few months in advance in the hopes the receiver might be surprised or will ask other people what the receiver might want) but is terrible at coming up with things people might like on the fly/agonizes over 'what if they have this already' 'what if they don't like it' 'i shouldnt buy them something they won't use...' . Alice's 'giving' love languages are acts of service and words of affirmation i think (and 'receiving' is probably physical touch)

one of the best recent developments in the alicewalker story imo is just how much she HATES his vibe the more that goes on ... especially now that i've stumbledtrippedfallen into the sysba route with her. The comedic potential of sysba's bestie and sysba's paramour wanting to tear each other to bits but begrudgingly tolerating each other for sysba is <333 to me. I don't really know what's going on with them yet since we don't have much DW content but if i had to describe what i'd wish for their root, it would be two planets on a collision course because they're too foolish (is it foolish?? is it?? is desiring intimacy not the human condition??????) to stay away from each other (and so get pulled into each others' orbits). Equal but opposing forces slowly but surely pulled together and the closer they get the more inescapable that bond feels but if they allow it to run its full course and reach its natural conclusion the only thing waiting for them is mutual destruction (i really believe, of all the ROs and characters, DW's goals and views of the world are most directly opposite Alice's and vice versa like they could not be more different, so them even being together at all means both of them stepping outside of their natural equilibrium and sacrificing some degree of themselves/their values goals etc.) like its doomed to fail! before it begins!! but it's beautiful while it lasts!! the worst mistake they ever make but they don't regret it for a second!!!!

anyway im normal about it. invested a totally normal amount.