#the weird part was how i couldnt keep my eyes open and walking was slow and i distinctly remember thinking 'just like in dreams'

[milf-harrington]

me @ my brain after having a hyperreslistic nightmrarish dream that felt like several hours but was in fact 5 minutes: "you think youre so funny"

[arcadianstuff]

School Rivals p.t5

Finally getting round to writing the next instalment in the series ! Hope you like it ! Tell me if you want part 6 !!

——————

"I need your help."

You eyed the man curiously who was standing not to far away from where you were laying down. Unlike the first time you’d blacked out and awoken, the ground below you was soft and plush. It appeared you were lying on a sofa of sorts, and as you pushed yourself up you were surprised to find that there was no pain. The blood that had littered your hands had vanished, and with a hesitant hand you traced the edges of your face. The scar was also gone.

"Am I dead ?" You whispered, voice hoarse as you felt the sudden horrible sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach at the thought of death.

A serious look crossed the man’s face as he turned away from the bookshelf he’d been persuing, to stare at you. He didn’t look older than seventy but his eyes gave away the eons he’d been alive. There was knowledge and wisdom in them far beyond what you could hope to understand.

"No, not yet at least. You’ve reached the line between life and death, which is what let me call you here. You ((Y/n) Lake, are the last descendant of Arthur Pendragon." His words had you looking at him incrediously, a laugh leaving your lips as you stared at him in disbelief.

"You’re cracked old man. Aruthur Pendragon and the knights of the round table ? That’s from a storybook. Next thing you’re gonna tell me Merlin is a real person." You chuckled a little, rolling your eyes at the old man who was clearly crazy. Your words had the old man rolling his eyes.

"He is a real person. Or was rather. We don’t have time for this (Y/n)" Merlin was becoming quickly aware of the time limit on your meeting. He didn’t have much time left to keep you in this realm unless you truly wished to die. He couldnt let that happen.

"Arthur’s sword, Escalkibur is yours to wield. A new foe is coming, a truly evil being and you’ll need it if you’re too fight this war and win." Your eyes widened in confusion as you tried to stand up and reach the man, but as you tried you felt yourself fall, nausea rolling over you.

With a grunt, you collapsed to the floor but couldn’t feel a thing. It felt like reality had turned to sand and you were struggling to grasp on to it. Though you struggled to open your eyes, you managed a few blinks and saw the room, in which you were in, was fading like an old photograph. A white glow fillled the room and you managed one last look at the old man’s face.

"Protect your brother and his troll hunter friends. Protect magic and mortal alike. And please girl, Protect Hisirdoux for me...." Merlin's last words barely registered in your mind as he finally weakened, the magic that he’d needed to hold your spirit there having taken a toll on him.

With a bright flash, your form disappeared the white light fading out of the room.

"She reminds me a lot of you." Merlin spoke, his words echoing around the room that wasn’t actually empty. Though you’d never noticed another person, or spirit rather, had been lurking in a corner.

Stepping out from the shadows, Morgana Le Fay glanced at her senile mentor with a grim expression.

"Perhaps. I can only hope she doesn’t repeat our mistakes."

—————————-

For the third time that week you yet again awoke from a blackout.

"Let’s try and not make this into a habit." Your sour words were clipped as a cough racked your body. This time you felt pain as you tried to push yourself up of the grassy floor you’d found yourself on. Curses fell from your mouth as a sharp pain tore through your side in retaliation for you trying to stand up.

It was a struggle, but you managed to stagger up to your feet, though walking was considerably harder. The red suit of armour you wore was heavier than you realised, and it slowed your sluggish steps even more. Though the scar om your face had permanently disappeared, there was still blood covering your hands and coating locks of your (h/c) hair. You were a gruesome sight to behold.

Thankfully, it appeared to be the very early morning, the sun not yet peaking its head up from over the horizon. Only the birds were awake with you, as you hobbled through the forest, having to grasp onto nearby branches for support. A couple of your ribs were definitely broken, and you’d sprained your right ankle. Guess that meant no soccer for you. How the fuck would you explain this to Coach Lawrence ? And oh my god it’s a Monday today. You had school !

"Dude you literally just died and went to heaven calm down..." You grumbled to yourself, still in complete disbelief that you’d just died, kinda.

You could remember taking down Bellroc, the feeling of stalactites stabbing your body and a weight so crushing that it had cracked your body. Had you gone to the afterlife ? And now you were here, somehow having survived all of that. But they were all safe. Your friends, your family, they were safe.

But oh boy were you going to give them the worst tellinng off of their entitle lives when you found them. Jim and Toby wouldn’t know what hit them. Claire, you might go easy on because you felt considerable guilt for having flung her into a wall. God you hoped she was okay. And douxie....or rather Hisirdouxx ? What a weird name...

And the trolls. For fucks sake there are trolls now.

Luckily, the streets of Acrcadia were empty, minus the stray cat and occasional morning bird who’s sweets song made the journey back to your home a bit more bearable. Somehow you’d managed to stumble out of the forest, and found yourself on the familiar 3rd street where Mr. Benoit'ss cafe was.

The walk home should’ve taken ten minutes, but with your injuries it had taken considerably longer. There were tears running down your cheeks as you spied the familiar sight of your home. All your life you’d dreamed of escaping Arcadia, of leaving this house and never coming back. But now you couldn’t have felt happier to see it again, to be able to come back. You’d always wanted adventure, maybe you were getting it now.

As you walked up the porch steps you noticed the faint light coming from the living room mixed with hushed whispers and words that were too muffled for you to hear. But it had gone silent the moment you’d knocked on the door.

——————————-

"I’m so sorry Jim.." Claire whispered, rubbing her boyfriend back as they sat together on the sofa. She’d forced him to change out of his armour and back into his ordinary clothes once they’d come inside. Their friends were scattered around them, Toby was huddled up on the floor next to them, stroking Archie's fur as he glared at the floor. Brooding in the corner of the room, Douxie's face as shrouded with hatred and anger as his grasp on his wizards staff tightened every time he recalled the last moment he’d seen you.

"I love you too." He could hear you saying that, the words like a song stuck in his head. They went round and round like a merry-go-round.

What was worse though, were the audible sobs and gasps of pain that were coming from your mother, Barbara, as she broke down in Strickler's arms. The changeling had taught you for years and was disheartened to hear of one of his favourite students deaths, especially considering that you were Barbara's daughter. This would be a wound that the doctor couldn’t treat.

"I can’t believe she’s gone.." Jim barely recognised the sound of his own voice as he spoke, lips quivering as he tried to hold back another round of tears. His throat was dry and eyes sore, tinged red around the edges. The home was now a house full of broken people.

A rap at the door caught the rooms attention, everyone collectively sucking in a breath.

"Could be more trouble. Stay on guard." Douxie spoke, almost hoping for a fight. He meeeded someone to take his anger out on.

With a quiet whisper, Jim summoned his armour and sword, the familiar feeling of the cool metal setting him a little at ease. With Strickler and his mother at the back of the group, they proceeded to the front door, all armed and ready for a fight.

But their hostility dissipated at the sight of someone they were sure they’d never see again. There, drenched in blood and littered with cuts, stood the girl they’d all been mourning, her eyes widening at the sight of weapons being pointed towards her.

"Woah I die and come back to life and this is the greeting I get." You half heartedly joked, not quite sure how to greet them considering what had happened. Awkward and poorly timed humour was what you resorted to.

A stifled sob left your mothers lips as she stumbled forwards out of Stricklers grasp, and barrelled into you, not caring about the blood that now coated her white lab coat. A small smile lifted the corner of your lips as you hugged her back, more tears falling down your face as you clung to your mum. The two of you sobbed into each other.

As you peeked over her shoulder, you saw the stunned expressions of your friends and family, especially the tears that were flowing down Jim's face. Pulling back from your mum a little, you opened your arms up and Jim rushed into them. Though he was catching up to you in height, you were a tiny bit taller. The three of you hugged, crying and laughing at the impossibility of the situation.

"I cant believe it." Jim repeated again and again, unable to fathom that you were standing there with them. You were alive. Somehow you were still here with them.

A broken laugh left your lips at his words. You couldn’t believe it either, it seemed like a miracle but you knew better. This was thanks to one man, and you were sure he’d saved your life. Merlin.

"Y-you idiot ! How could you do something like that to me ? To Jim ? You are in so much trouble !" With amazing speed your mother did a whole 360, going from sobbing and incredibly happy, to sobbing and incredibly mad. She looked absolutely furious as she pulled away from you and took a step back.

Before you could protest she was pointing at your motorcycle, that was laying innocently in front of your house.

"No bike f-for at least a month ! And soccer ! no soccer a-and a-a.." she trailed off, her anger dying as quickly as it came before she snatched you up into another hug. "Don’t ever do that again." She whispered into your hair.

"I promise I won’t." You whispered back, grateful to just be able to hug your mum again.

After that you’d been tackled into a hug by Toby and Claire, who clutched to you with a lot of strength for two sixteen year olds. Though you were beyond grateful to be here with them and were flattered by their fear and worry for you, you were starting to get antsy. You had questions for them.

Firstly, how on earth did your mum know about this ? And everything that was going on ? You’d had a furious screaming match when your brother revealed to you that he and your mum had known the truth about your worlds for the last year, and had decided to hide it from you to keep you safe. The argument you’d had had shook the living room, and the other people there had sat awkwardly on the sofas and watched quietly.

Secondly, what was Strickler doing here ? You were very surprised to see your favourite history teacher at your home. You knew he and your mum were dating and were totally cool with that. Or well you were until they revealed that he was a changeling ? What the hell even was that ? You’d gone from furious, to threatening to kill Strcikler to calm and collected. Your emotions were taking a toll. Not to mention the exhaustion of surviving death,. Yet you weren’t sleepy. There wasn’t time for sleep now.

Somewhere between your fourth argument with Strickler, Douxie had decided to sneak out of your home. He was too conflicted at the moment To stay there any longer. Of course you’d noticed the wizard try and slink away, and so as you all started to calm down you deiced to follow him yourself.

You were yet to reunite with the man, and though he might be your enemy in some ways, the state of your relationship and been changed permanently forever. And you also had a message to give him from an old friend.

[crystalninjaphoenix]

Kindness & Kidnapping

A JSE Fanfic

I’ve written something that’s less than 6000 words for the first time in a year, whoo! I was planning to include more plot but after a while I realized there was too much to put into one chapter so I broke it into two. And now, this chapter is short, but it has some important and...interesting developments. Let’s just say, Anti makes his move. I don’t know what to say beyond that, so just read on ;)

You can find the other stories under the pw timeline tag!

It was a bright morning outside, but Chase didn’t know that. He was inside, sitting at a hastily-done computer setup inside his closet. It was cramped and dark and honestly kind of dusty. But he hadn’t wanted to keep this setup out in the open. Because this was the computer he’d been using to access Anti’s website, and if he kept it out in any other room of the house, he knew he’d keep glancing towards the windows and doors, waiting for something to happen.

Though...nothing had happened in the past week or so since he’d first found the website. He’d told the police about it, contacting that detective, Nix, who was in charge of the search for Jackie and JJ. Nix had been really appreciative, saying that this was a helpful clue and the police would be right on it, but he’d warned Chase to not go looking at any websites like this again. “These are dangerous,” he’d said. “And many of them use trackers to gather information or worse.”

Yet here he was. First thing in the morning. Staring at a creepy hitman website while sitting in his closet.

Part of his mind was yelling at him to stop. That even though he’d waited a few days before accessing the site again, that didn’t mean anything. This was dangerous. But...he couldn’t help it. This was the first time he felt like he was doing something, like he was actually helping the search for his friends. So, he stayed there.

His study of the website mostly consisted of scrolling through the anonymous reviews and trying to find ways to look at the source code. Chase...wasn’t that good with computers. Despite the fact that recording videos and putting them on the Internet was his job. He’d basically absorbed all his knowledge from Jack and his editor and only knew how to do things like editing because of that. Anything beyond what was required for YouTube was a mystery to him. But he was trying.

His phone vibrated in his pocket, and he gasped, then felt silly. It was just a text notification. Sighing at his own jumpiness, he took out his phone and looked at the message on the screen. It was from Marvin. Hey do you know any quick ways to get food? Other than ordering.

Oh? Chase responded. Are you out of bed this early? Thats a 1st. And he didn’t just mean because Marvin was having trouble getting out of bed recently. Marvin never woke up before ten, even before JJ disappeared, so this was strange.

Luna was yelling at me because i forgot to fill her bowl last night and i couldnt deal with it anymore so i got up and thought i might as well get breakfast.

Thats great bro. As for food I bought you some microwave mac n cheese and noodles.

Marvin instantly replied, I’m not eating fucking noodles for breakfast. That’s weird.

Chase laughed a bit. Sorry, Marv. I know your sense of order is a big thing for you, but sometimes you need exceptions.

This time, the reply was slow. The typing bubbles appeared and disappeared a couple times before finally: i just cant. maybe another time.

Ah. Of course, even if he was out of bed, Marvin was still struggling. Chase thought for a moment, then said, Alright, Marvin. No problem. How bout toast and butter? It takes five to ten minutes depending on how much you want it burnt. That was a frequent go-to for him. I know u have bread and butter, too.

Alright. Thanks.

No problem. Chase paused, then added, Hey I was gonna go visit Jack again later today. Do u think youd be up for coming with?

Another long pause. I dunno. Ask me again when it’s closer to time.

Got it. And with that, Chase set his phone down and returned his attention to the website.

About an hour later, he gave up. He couldn’t find any clues at all, and reading this was really starting to get to him. Carefully standing up, so as to not knock over the computer setup in the tiny closet, he turned off the monitor and CPU, then edged around to the closet door. He hesitated, feeling uneasy anxiety rolling in his stomach, then slowly opened the door.

Nobody was outside. Well, of course not. He took a deep breath, and stepped out into the hallway. It was time to get ready for the day.

But still, that anxiety followed him. And he couldn’t help but remember the notice that Anti had put at the top of the website. Something about business being closed until something was “taken care of.” That just...sounded very bad. And Chase couldn’t help but think about what might be happening to Jameson and Jackie.

—————— 

Nearly a month had passed since Anti had taken JJ. For nearly a month, Jameson had been stuck in this room with Jackie. And with no means of escape that he could see. He’d looked, of course. But even with Jackie’s help, they couldn’t find a way out of the room. The closest thing he could think of was somehow unscrewing the door hinges, and he’d actually spent about a week trying to do that, but without any tools, there was no way those hinges would budge.

The only opportunity that he could see was when Anti visited, which he did often. But even that would be difficult to pull off. Jameson and Jackie might have numbers on their side, but Jackie was pretty weak after almost a year of captivity, and JJ had never been that athletic. Still, he was starting to consider it. Maybe Anti wouldn’t be expecting it, if he could just convince Jackie that they could do it, and if they could find an opportunity...

But even if they were going to try, today would not be the day. Anti had come into the room for one of his visits, which were becoming worryingly frequent, and Jackie had decided to hide in the attached bathroom. Jameson refused to look at Anti, in the vain hope that he’d go away if he didn’t engage.

“Jamie.” Anti pulled a chair away from the table, and then indicated the one across from him. “Come s...sit down.”

Jameson shook his head. He folded his arms, and stayed where he was, standing next to the bunk bed.

Anti stared at him for a while, then sat down. It didn’t ease the tension at all. For some reason, Jameson still felt like he was looming over him. “Alright. F-fine.” He paused. Waiting. Watching him with his mismatched eyes. Today, the fake one was brown, not green. Odd, but it didn’t lessen the intensity of his gaze.

After a few silent moments, Jameson couldn’t take it anymore. He slowly walked over to the table and sat down. God damn it. Why was just the silence enough to get him to respond?

“Ah, there we are.” Anti smiled. “About time. You’re always so...so tense, Jamie, when you really shouldn’t be. I won’t h-hurt you.”

What do you want this time? Jameson signed stiffly.

“Why do you keep asking that? I don’t want...anything, I just want to...talk.” Anti leaned back in the chair. “I don’t understand th-this. You’re so...different. And I’m trying, you know. Know. You know—I know, by now, that this wasn’t the best starting point. But I’m trying to...to get everything back to the way it was. You want that, don’t you?” His voice was soft, like he was talking to an easily startled animal. Or a child.

No, I don’t. Jameson said firmly. I don’t want everything to go back to how it was, because back then, you were making me help you throw bodies in the river.

“That was a mistake, okay? Oka-ay?” Anti sighed. “I shouldn’t...should never have gotten you involved in all this. So, I’m not going to, ever again.”

Jameson laughed. You’re a bit late for that! Maybe you should’ve thought of that before you kidnapped me!

“That was another mistake, and I’m sorry that you f-f-feel I was out of line. I can see what you...what you mean. But you’d never talk to me otherwise, let alone go anywhere with me.” Anti’s fingers tapped an irregular rhythm on the table. “But I can pr-promise you, no more dead bodies. Ever. Ever again. You’ll be safe.”

He sounded genuine, and JJ had to admit that at least there was still a part of him that cared about—no! Jameson stiffened and pushed away that softening feeling. It didn’t change any of this. Anti still abducted him, and he was willing to bet that ‘safe’ to Anti wasn’t the same as ‘safe’ to him. It would be more of this, most likely. Trapped inside, unable to go anywhere, always under Anti’s watchful eye. Why was he even continuing this conversation? Jameson balled up his hands and shoved them under his arms, physically preventing him from saying anything more.

Anti’s expression shifted slightly. “You’re being so difficult, my god. We’ve been doing this for a-a-a month and gotten nowhere. If you would just li-listen, we could go—past—move past this.” The tapping rhythm increased slightly, nails on wood. “But alright—okay. Fine. Yes. I-I-I have a pro—” And then the tapping stopped. Anti’s eyes suddenly widened. “Oh. That’s it.”

Jameson leaned back a bit, waiting for something. Those last words sounded like a threat. But—

Out of nowhere, Anti slumped forward onto the table. JJ gasped and stood up. In an instant, he was moving automatically, rolling Anti’s head to the side and looking for anything dangerous nearby. There was nothing. Could he breathe? Was this a good position, or should he move him? He should’ve recognized it, Anti was having difficulty with his words, he knew that was a sign—Wait, the watch. The watch he was wearing around his neck, the chain it was on had tightened a bit. JJ grabbed the chain and adjusted it so it was more loose.

A few seconds later, Anti gasped, and pushed JJ away. He stepped back.

“I...fuck.” Anti blinked, eyes glancing around the room. For a moment, he was confused. JJ could see the recognition slowly fade back into his expression. “Thwshnnbad.”

JJ watched anxiously. For a moment, he glanced over towards the door. But...he just couldn’t. Not now. Maybe he was too nice, but it just felt cruel to try and leave after that.

Anti took a few deep breaths, then looked over at JJ. “You helped.”

Jameson hesitated, then nodded.

“Hmm.” Anti didn’t say anything, but there was a look on his face that made Jameson squirm a bit. Almost smug. Almost. There was a fair share of gratitude that prevented it from being fully self-satisfied. Anti reached for his pocket, and after a few tries, pulled out his phone. “That was...not that long?”

Just a few seconds. Maybe fifteen or so, JJ said. No twitching or jerking. 

Nodding, Anti tapped on his phone for a bit. “It’s...been a while,” he said quietly. “They’re not that bad anymore, you know.”

Unsure what to say, Jameson just nodded again.

A few moments later, Anti took a deep breath, and returned his phone to his pocket. “Anyway. As...I was saying. I have a proposal.”

Immediately, all Jameson’s sympathy was gone, replaced by cold fear. What is it? he asked warily.

Anti didn’t answer for a bit. Instead, he reached inside his jacket, and pulled out a small keycard. “Do you know what this is?”

A card? Like...for a hotel?

“No, not for a hotel.” Anti smiled a bit. “Though I guess...it’s sort of like it.” His eyes darted towards the bathroom door, slightly ajar. “He’s been telling you about what happened. With him and the doctor.” It wasn’t a question. So Jameson didn’t answer. But he didn’t have to. “Did you ever meet that doctor?”

Jameson started to shake his head, then reconsidered. Once, he said. He thought I was you.

“We do look similar. Even more so than all these...these doppelgangers do to each other.” Anti tried to twirl the keycard around his fingers, but failed. It fell to the table, and he quickly picked it up again. “So, you only met him once. Hmm...I expected you to interact with him more. You’re part of this...this friend group now. I thought, surely, they’d introduce you to each other. Well, I guess they tried. I’m assuming it didn’t go well.” He paused. “But still. You’re a good person, Jamie.”

What are you saying? Jameson almost didn’t want to ask.

“You wouldn’t want anything to happen to him, right?”

Anti fell silent, but Jameson didn’t dare to answer. He couldn’t. 

“This keycard happens to give me...access to the hospital where he’s staying,” Anti continued. “I’ve already been there. I know how to get him out.”

Don’t hurt him, Jameson said, all color gone from his face. Please.

“That depends on you. Well, and our friend in there.” Anti indicated the bathroom door again. “Originally, I was going to use him, but then I thought, that didn’t stop that doctor woman from leaving. But he might try to leave himself, especially with the two of you...here. Together. So I thought I’d use something that’ll affect both of you.”

He hasn’t done anything to you. Leave him alone.

“That doesn’t mean he’ll never do anything,” Anti suddenly snapped. “The cops know I exist now. It’s only a matter of time before they start to ask him questions.” The anger drained away. Now his face was still, unreadable. “Besides, that didn’t stop me before.”

Why did you even take him in the first place? Jameson asked. Why? It wasn't for your...work. All of this could’ve been avoided.

“I was...curious. He thought I was his friend Jack, you know. When I ran into him that night. And I thought to myself, this man is clearly delusional. But I figured it would be easier to play along. After he realized what happened, he explained his whole condition to me, and I wondered. I wondered how I could use that.” Anti’s smile was sharp. “It’s not every day an opportunity like that runs into you on the street.”

Jameson backed away, horrified. Too late, Anti noticed his reaction. And for a moment, he looked hurt. Then angry. Sad. And finally, determined. “Think about what I said.” He stood up, and headed towards the door. For a moment, Jameson considered following him. But he hesitated for a second too long, and Anti was gone, the door locked behind him.

The room was silent. Jameson stood there for what felt like forever. Then he moved, walking towards the bathroom. He slowly pushed open the door, peering inside. “Hmm?” he hummed.

“Down here.” Jackie was sitting on the tile floor, up against the shower in the corner of the room. The bathroom was sparse and small, containing only the necessities of a toilet, sink, and shower, along with a bonus medicine cabinet that was empty. There was nowhere to sit except the floor.

JJ stepped inside. Did you hear all of that?

Jackie nodded silently. His hands were covering his head, fingers digging into his scalp. Tears threatened to spill out of his eyes, and judging by the tracks, a few already had. “H-he can’t—Schneep is going to—he won’t be able to—”

It’s going to be fine, JJ said, kneeling next to him. We won’t let anything happen to him.

“The—the only way to make sure of that is—but you can’t—you could get away if you—but not if he’s—”

It’s going to be fine, Jameson repeated uncertainly. I’ll make sure that it’ll work out. Maybe I can get Anti to listen to me. We can find a way. The police would notice Henrik disappearing, they’ll find us.

Jackie choked on a sob. He pulled his knees up to his chest and folded his arms on top of them. “They haven’t,” he said quietly. “They’re...not going to.” And he buried his face in his arms, shoulders shaking. 

Jameson didn’t have anything to say to that. All he could do was stay close, and hold Jackie tight as he cried.

—————— 

It was a lovely day outside. For late-November-near-December, that is. Though the sun shone bright in a cloudless sky, there was still a chill to the air that forced people to wear jackets, or even coats. But Schneep didn’t mind. He hadn’t been outside in so long that anything would feel refreshing.

Silver Hills had itself a back garden where some patients could spend time. It was fenced in, for safety, but it was still quite large. Dr. Laurens had told him the news at the end of yesterday’s session: she’d gotten approval for some supervised time outside. Schneep had been hesitant at first. Some of his old paranoia and fear resurfacing. When he’d been with Anti, he hadn’t been allowed out without permission. And even when he had permission, Anti always found a way to keep an eye on him, either via cameras and GPS or by accompanying him himself. What if—what if this was another trick? A test? And if he failed the test—

No, of course not. Everything was alright here. There were other patients out and about, going on walks along the paths and stopping to look at flowers nearby. Schneep watched them from where he was sitting on one of the garden’s benches. He twirled his medical bracelet around his wrist. They’d also finally decided that he could wear clothes—besides the standard issue white shirt and pants—again. As long as they didn’t have any hard fastenings or dangly bits like strings, but that was understandable. So now the bracelet was the only sign that he was a patient here. Which was the same as everyone else. That...helped, actually. Somehow.

“Schneep? Is everything alright?”

“Hmm?” Schneep blinked, realizing he’d been gone for a while there. Oliver was nearby, as always. In this case, sitting at another bench nearby, far enough away to give Schneep his own space but close enough in case of an emergency. “Yes, I am fine. It is just a bit chilly.”

“Well...you’re not wrong there,” Oliver muttered. The orderly uniform was short-sleeved, and evidently, they weren’t allowed to wear anything over it.  His arms were covered in raised goosebumps. “Anything else?”

“No, I was just thinking.” Schneep looked down at his lap. Laurens had given him one of her notebooks and a box of markers. He’d said that he wanted to try drawing, like they’d done in one of their sessions, and she’d been encouraging. So now he was trying to draw the gardens. It was hard. He wasn’t particularly artistic, and he was pretty sure a twelve-year-old could do better than him. But it was...nice. Focusing. Grounding.

Oliver nodded, and went silent. Schneep returned to his paper. The markers were a bit annoying, since they couldn’t be erased. But it was fine. He worked around the mistakes.

Quite a bit of time passed before he was ready to go inside. A few clouds had appeared in the clear sky. Schneep stood up, closing the notebook. Oliver looked over at him again. “Ready to go?”

“Yes, I’m going back to my room.”

“Alright, then.” Oliver stood up as well. “Let’s go.”

They made their way inside, winding through the halls and then up the stairs. It was so good to have his old room back, from before that tiny, featureless room on the first floor. Apparently those rooms weren’t supposed to be lived in for that long, a fact that the lovely Dr. Newson had neglected to mention. But that was in the past. Now he had a window! And some battery-powered lamps, and a bathroom joined to the room, and more furniture than a bed and a single table. It was amazing.

“Alright, here we are.” They stopped outside Room 309 and Oliver unlocked it with a swipe of the key card. It was only ever unlocked when nobody was inside; another difference between this one and the tiny first-floor room. “You remember to push the button if you need anything?”

“Yes, yes.” There was a call button on the wall inside. Pressing it would bring an orderly to the room, hopefully within minutes. “I remember.”

“Great. I’ll be around.”

“Thank you.” Schneep opened the door, adjusting his grip on the notebook and box of markers before heading inside. “I will be seeing you, then.”

Oliver smiled a bit. “Of course. See you.” He waved a bit, then walked off, disappearing down the hallway. Schneep waved after him, pulling the room door closed shortly before he started to turn the corner.

By now, it was solidly in the afternoon, and the sun was shining its beams directly into the window. Schneep blinked in the sudden brightness, then once his eyes adjusted, he walked over to the table and put down the notebook and markers. He opened up to the page with the garden drawing and considered it. Not bad, really. For someone who wasn’t an artist. Jackie and Marvin would’ve done much better. Maybe they could have given him advice, if they were here.

It would be some time before dinner. A little over an hour, judging by the numbers on the digital clock on the table. In the meantime, he could get some reading done. The room had a shelf, and Laurens had been providing him with some books for it. He was just barely starting a new novel, but it had already sucked him in. Yes, that was a good idea. Get through a few chapters of that.

Schneep headed over to the shelf, running his fingers over the spines of the books until he reached the one he was looking for. He was just about to pull it off the shelf when there was a movement in his peripheral vision.

He stiffened instinctually. Even though he’d been seeing strange movement in his vision for years now, he’d only been uneasy about it ever since his time with Anti. But he wasn’t supposed to acknowledge it. It was better that way. Just ignore it, just ignore it, just ignore—

There were footsteps behind him. And he couldn’t help but turn around. The first thing he saw as he turned was the door to the adjoining bathroom. It was open. Hadn’t he left it closed? Could he have not closed it all the way? Then some sort of shift in the air could’ve opened it, causing the movement he saw?

No, that theory was disproved when he saw the second thing of note in the room: a man. Who hadn’t been there before. He was wearing the orderly uniform, but Schneep didn’t recognize him.

No.

No, he did recognize him.

His eyes were a different color, and his face wasn’t scarred, but there could be no mistaking him. Anti.

Schneep froze. No. No, it wasn’t real. He was just hallucinating. He’d done the same a few days ago, thought he’d seen Anti in the rec room. That couldn’t have been real. So this couldn’t be real. So it wasn’t. If he just ignored the hallucination, it couldn’t do anything to him. Slowly, he turned back around. He reached with trembling hands to take the book off the shelf.

More footstep sounds. He saw in the corner of his vision the image of Anti again. Anti was circling around him to his left, staring, watching, staring, watching—why is everyone always watching him?!—No, no, don’t let it get to him. It wasn’t real. He pulled the book off the shelf, and knocked down its two neighbors in the process, grabbing those as they fell. It was fine. Everything was fine.

He took a few deep breaths and turned away, taking the three books to an armchair near the window of the room. The image of Anti watched him, watched him with interest, curiosity. He always did that. He’d done it in the beginning, when he’d trapped Schneep in that house with him, always curious about how far he could push his limits.

“Es ist nicht real,” Schneep said to himself. Just a reminder. It couldn’t be real. How’d he get into the room? The front door hadn’t opened, and it was impossible for him to be inside beforehand. The room had been locked. Nobody could get in without unlocking it with a keycard. “Es ist nicht real. Es ist nicht real.” It was impossible.

Footstep sounds. Schneep could see the image of Anti approaching out of the corner of his vision. He didn’t turn his head, and focused on stacking the three books on the window sill. “Es ist nicht real, ist nicht real, ist nicht real, nicht real, nicht real,” he continued to whisper under his breath. “Nicht real, nicht real, nicht real.”

The image reached out and—

It grabbed his arm. 

He felt a sharp pain.

Panic flooded his system. Schneep screamed and spun around, picking up one of the books and throwing it at the man. The book connected solidly, hitting with enough force to snap the man’s head back and cause him to let go. He yelled out in pain.

No, someone was here. It wasn’t a hallucination. Someone was here and they weren’t supposed to be. Schneep ran across the room, heading for the door.

“You—!” The man recovered quickly, and ran to the door as well. He was faster, and Schneep skidded to a halt as the strange man who looked like Anti blocked the door. 

Okay, no door then. Schneep’s eyes scanned the room, and—the call button! Of course! He lunged to the side. The man saw where he was going, and pounced.

Schneep’s hand landed on the button for a split second before the man grabbed his wrist. He started to yell for help, but the man covered his mouth. “Shush,” his voice hissed as he wrapped his other arm around Schneep’s torso.

No! Schneep immediately started struggling, kicking his legs and trying to wriggle free. For a moment, his right arm pulled away, and he hit the strange man in the face. But the man was quick, and recaptured the escaped hand before it could do any damage. “Calm down, you’re going to be asleep in a few moments anyway,” the man said. “Don’t make this hard on yourself.”

That voice—it was—but it couldn’t be. It was impossible—how would he get inside? That—no. Schneep’s thoughts swirled in broken fragments, unable or unwilling to finish and come to the natural conclusion. He shook his head and continued to struggle. The man’s grip was firm. Unbreakable. It was...a familiar feeling.

There was something on his hand. Something powdery, chalky. Like...some sort of makeup. Like...something that could be used to hide blemishes. Or scars. It was on his right hand, the one he’d used to hit the man’s face.

Where Anti’s scars would be.

No...it wasn’t possible. This couldn’t be happening! It wouldn’t be—was it all a trick? All of it? Was he always planning to come back? Or maybe it was all in his head—no. He refused to believe that one.

Strangely, the longer he struggled, the slower his movement became. Sluggish...weak. And Schneep recognized these effects immediately. A sedative? But when...oh. Oh, that sharp pain he’d felt when he had grabbed him...that was a needle, wasn’t it? It was too late, wasn’t it?

Too late...yes, his vision was starting to waver. Schneep gave up on the weak escape attempts. They weren’t doing any good, anyway. Maybe he’d managed to hit the call button, and someone would be coming. Maybe...maybe they could...stop this...help him...please...please...

He looked up into the eyes of his captor and the world faded away.

[horrorstreet]

Maybe Ghostface (Billy or Stu or even both!) Peeping on their s/o changing? And they are not *that* slick about it, s/o can totally see them (not worried about neighbors) and decides to give them something to look at (do with that what you will~)(thank you kindly~)

Billy Loomis x Reader x Stu Macher

Warning: Slight Nudity, Implyed smut.

Content: ...

You where walking home from work, your eyelids heavy and your legs aching from waiting tables all day and couldnt wait to hop in the shower. It was freezing outside and the thought of warm water only kept you from slowing down your pace even more. Your phone rang with Billy's name popping up on screen and you smiled. You pressed the answer button, took your hood off, and put the phone to your ear. "Hello, billy." You said tiredly. "Hey (nickname/ N/n)- Hi (y/n)." Stu cut billy off, putting his mouth right next to the speaker causing Billy's head to scoot to the side to make room for his bestfriends. Billy shoved Stu's head out of the way and put the phone up to his ear. "Hey-" "Put it on speaker..." Stu whined, the sound of Billy's fist colliding with stus upper arm traveling through the phone. "You're on speaker." Billy said. You can already see Stus wide grin and smiled yourself. "What's up boys." You asked, kicking a rock down the sidewalk before it rolled into the street. "Where are you." Billy asked. "You arent home yet and we got worried." He finished and waited for a response. "Oh. So, my car, you know how it was having those rumbling issues?" You reminded him. "With the weird humming?" Stu spoke. "Mhm. It finally broke down and I had to walk. Boss said I could keep it at work as long as it was gone by this week." You told them, waiting to cross the street. "Why didnt you call one of us to come pick you up?" Billy asked. "Because I didnt wanna. I figured I would walk home tonight." "Well then you're crazy. Its freezing." Billy scolded you, his eyebrows burrowed. "Yeah (y/n), its cold." Stu followed. "I know, I know, but it's been so long since iv walked around this town, I thought it would be nice." You grinned, looking at the Christmas lights. "Ok. Just call me when you get home." Billy told you. "Ok, love you." "Love you-love you." They both said before hanging up.

_______

You had finally gotten home, your house empty as always. You walked up to your room and opened the curtains to look over at Billy's house. You called Billy and waited for him to pick up. "You home?" He answered. "Yup, you coming over later?" You asked, watching him wave at you from his window, stu waving at you from his position on the bed. Billy gave you a small wave, leaning on the wall by his window and you eagerly waved back. Billy said no, explaining that smhim and stu were playing video games and you told them the door was unlocked for them if they changed their mind."Ok, I'm hopping in the shower. Bye, billy. Bye, stu!" You giggled, yelling stu's name so he would hear you. You hung up and threw your stuff on the bed and grabbed some clothes before heading into your bathroom, leaving the curtain open. Billy closed his curtain to return to playing video games with stu when saw you walk away.

_______

You stepped out of the shower, your towel wrapped around your body and your work clothes in a pile on the floor for you to pick up later. You did not pay attention to the open curtain of your window but Billy and stu certainly did. Billy had planned on asking you if you wanted him to pick up your car, opening the blinds only to catch you wearing only a towel. Billy quickly closed the blinds and called Stu over to peek through the small parting in the blinds to watch you get dressed. Yes, they were perverts, but they were your perverts so you didnt mind, you planned on having your back facing the window the entire time anyways. What a playful tease your were. You subtly caught them watching when you caught the peeking through the blinds, the bright light from behind the curtain giving them away.

You pretended not to notice the two peeking at you and you slowly let the towel drop to the floor, slightly bending over to pick it up but not enough to reveal anything you didnt want them to. You picked up a bottle of your favorite lotion and stuck out your leg and putting it on the bed, rubbing lotion up and down your smooth skin. Once you were done with your legs, you moved to your arms, lathering each of them with the scented substance and smiled, knowing you were only getting them worked up. To end the little game, you put one more squirt of lotion into the palm of your hands, rubbed them together, and slowly ran your hands down the sides of your body. The boys were practically drooling at the sight before them, billy leaning forward and placing his hand on the window to try and catch you as you walked out of sight of the two. Once you were dressed, you peeked around the side of the window and saw the two boys had remaind waiting for your return and decided to say hi. You popped put from the side of the window and gave a large smile and wave and they both scattered away from the window and you let out a loud laugh.

Ring, ring, ring ...

"Enjoy the show?" You answered. Your wide smile still sat on your face. "We are coming coming over." Billy said before hanging up and his bedroom lights going out. You rolled your eyes and threw your phone on the bed, waiting for them to get here. Playful, playful tease ...

[berserkmaid]

Tipsy Kookie

Pairing: Jungkook x Mc

Genre/Warnings: sex, alcohol, rought, mention of sex with multiple members, bts smut, jungkook smut, tipsy , alcohol, jealousy

a/n:  based on the Vlive with Jungkook tipsy. Is the first time in YEARS i actually started and end an short smut in the same day. I wanted to read this so bad. Hope you enjoy it as much as me. Also, i really sorry for some of the mistakes i can have on my writing. I have years without writing and also, my first lenguages is not english, but I think more people can see and share it in english. So really sorry for those who write professionally. This was just an small idea to see kookie being drunk hehehe. Thank you anyways!

The banging door makes MC drop the book on the table in front of her. Who could be at this hours?? The door keep banging while she walk through the corridor to opened the door For the love of God, what is it?? - Mc eyes opened when she saw the young member with a silly smile on her door - Jungkook?

Yeap. The one and only.... - he said with a smile and trying his best to keep his foot stills - can I coming? - he asked in an English, while he opened the door and pass without Mc Ok. But that was fine because she was busy trying to understand what he was doing there at those hours.

It wasn't strange the fact itself. She was the assistant of the boys and they came out of her bedroom all the time. Also... they had a special treatment.   But from all the times JK came to her bedroom.... he was always so...shy and uncomfortable.  Even if leater everything went more intimate.... he was sweet and polite. Never this confident guy that was sitting on her bed now, looking around her room. The other jungkook, would have asked before sitting there Are you ok kookie??? I am peachy - he said with another silly smile. Also he kept looking something around the room. Could he be ....drunk??

Did you saw the Vlive??? - he asked ..forcing her to go out from her own thoughts

No. Sorry. I took a bath and get on the book. I promise I watch it later. -  Mc said with a soft smile.  

Man. You should see me. I was so....relax- he said with a smile and lay down on mc's bed as he was speaking his mind - I always get anxious about what to say . But I can say whatever , you know why?? - he asked mc looking at her with the most coky smile he had, waiting an asnwer. Mc slowly and perplexed for his talking and the handsome he looked with that cooky smile, said no with a soft move of her head - because I am JK!!!! And I can do it!!!

A soft laugh came from Mc. Then that laugh came more hard. Jk eyes where on her with a confused look. Then he stood up and walk to meet her. Mc noticed the change of air in the room

I'm sorry I'm sorry - she keep laughing

What is so.funny Mc??? - he asked with a little irritation on his voice , and trying hard to understand

Sorry... really is just that you are adorable kookie. You are tipsy and became so much talkative - she kept the laughs- is so funny - but JK serious face was telling her he didn't find funny at all - sorry I'll stop I promise

Jk wasn't happy about it. He wasn't trying to make her laugh- my bottles empty. So do you have? - he asked raoughly, and didn't care about the laugh .

Do you want more?? - Mc asked surprised. But she didn't get an answer from the angry tipsy guy. She kept an smile and the fact that she thought he was adorable. She turned herself around to the mini bar and found a bottle of wine Yoongi said this wine was good. So - she show him the bottle and then started to opened it - He said it was for when i want an alone time. But i can share it. Humm... Yoongi.....- he saw all your actions as everything for him was slow -he give you a lot of wine ?? - he asked at the time he accepted the glass of wine

Slip a little smile from Mc lips seeing the young man trying to form sentences in a drunk state - yeah. Everytime he pass by....we try another type. Cheers - she said crashing the glasses

Humm- JK said , drinking a little of his wine - And he pass by a lot? - He took a second sip of the wine before asking it. Mc frowned. It was a weird question to ask. Everything they agreed to, was a deal that had at least a year. Why ask it that now? Everyone know the agreement. Sometimes - Mc took another sip and her eyes went to any other part of the room, but not JK eyes. She could felt the intense look of JK - Do you eat something in your live? Or thats why you are like this? We had dinner - he kept drinking. This wine, was a little more strong then the rest

Yeap. That was 3 hours ago Kookie - Mc tone was almost like she was scolding him. She notice how the wine wasn't one of his favorites - Its a little bitter , isn't it? I am not hungry - Jk kept drinking a little more - Yes. Wine in general is an acquired taste - Mc smiled a little before drinking from her glass - What? - He didnt know why but since she laughs, he kept feelling a little irritated. Nothing is just like.... - She saw JK and with her hand. she fixed JK's hair in a more presentable way - That's something Tae say a lot. Its cure . You are all grown up. Being a big man. But also is adorable how you keep a little from each of them.

JK thought for a moment what she said. It was that what make him a little irritated. No. that was true. He keep learning from each of them. Everything he is and know now it was from them. But as he was thinking deeply on what she said, Mc felt a little unconfortable. In front of her was a Jungkook she didnt knew before. She didnt knew if he was angry, or just thoughtful. Or even so tipsy he couldnt go back. She keep drinking her wine, stopping her hands from touching him. But Jungkook took her hand again and placed it on his face. I like when you do it - He said blunty. What make her opened her eyes, more than surprised - Is soft and make me wartm Mc keep caressing his soft sking , a little shock for the clear stament of him. Never, ever, he said somthing like that before. And she could felt her face turning a little red. He thought she looked adorable. Taking her glass, he putted both of them over the table besided the book she left before and then he took her hand to guide her. He sat again on her bed and put her between his legs, taking her hands to his face, closing his eyes. After a big breath to fill his chest , he was so relaxed, but at the same time, his skin was burning. Just as MC cheecks. She couldnt believed how confident he was. He took the step for everything and he was amazed. She started to caress his face , taveling to his soft and fluffy hair, and his face was totally relaxed. In the other hand, his hands were on her hips, down to her butt cheecks, making her closed her eyes. She felt her own face turning complety red with his hand on them. It wasnt the first time he touch it. But was the first time he did it like that. She swallowed thick, and squeezed his hair on her hands. Her eyes opened and dropped on his lips, as he was seeing her with a cooky little smile. She felt he never was so sexy till now. Mc sat herself over his legs, making him more easy for him get close to her mouth. He bite her bottom lip, then opened her mouth to get in her with his own tongue. She never felt with him so hot air. His mouth and tongue was playing with her with such a force and his hands kept her in place, one in her ass, making her more close to feel him, and the other in her neck. Her skin felt like burning, but her hand keep on his face. The normal sweet JK wasnt there anymore. He was agresive and demanding on his kiss, and Mc like him very much. Jungkook flip over the bed, and push her under him. His mouth was now on her neck, and his hands trying to down the short and panty. Then his mouth went on her breast. He down the tshirt of her pijamas and put his mouth on one of her nipples, and the oher started to play with them. Mc started to had soft moan under him, meanwhile she try to touch his hair, his arms, his hands on her. It was like a diferent JK, so much demanding and strong. That alone make her wet. Also, the view of his cook under his sport pants. It was very evident he had an imprision erection, and make her mouth dry. - Jungkook - She said between her soft moands - let me touch..mmm.. touch you - She wasnt sure if she could get away with it. But she deffenelly will try. Normally he never let her make him oral sex, but he was so drunk, this JK was so different. And she was so excited. She thought she could get away with it. JK smile soft and bite one of her tits hard before letting out - Do you always asked me that - He said with his eyes burning on desire. He put his finger on her lips, touching them, and swallowed thick. The through of her mouth of him always was a tentation. But, he never had the courage to let her. He always thought it was for his good. - You really want me to full your pretty mouth with my cook , dont you? - He said so soft and sexy at the same time; that simple phrase make her tremble under him and he notice it. There she was so wet he could fuck her now like nothing. She really like this JK, so confident and dirty talking. She likes him soft and sweet, but this was more sexy and demanding. This kook make her wet with just his words and the promised of ruin her - Yes. I ...I need it - She push herself to the limit and let two of her own fingers go to her cunt. Enter and play a little with her. After a few moans , she put her fingers in front of him, glittering with her own arrousal. JK saw how beautiful she was, so desperate, so wet, so needy. He never thought he could make her like this. She was always the one who guide him, because he wants to be soft and treat her well. But now, he need her, use her. And she wants to be use by him. JK pass his tongue for her fingers, tasting her fluids. He need a second to keep himself from fucking her right away, because there was something he really wanted.... her mouth. He push himself away to took away his clothes, and she did the same with the rest of her pijamas. Then she was sitting in the bed, with her eyes fixed in the man standing in front of her. She swallowed thick, looking every curve of his body, how his chest went up and down with his breathing, and how his cook was twiching under her gaze. She lick her lips seeing his erection, and move forward to him. He missed the contact of her hand on his. It was so soft, in contrast with his hard erection. She make her strocks soft and calms. Just as he like them. He saw her with a smile. She used to do it but him sitting under her, and he didnt saw her like now. This was a new vibrant and exciting experience. Then she lick the head of her dick and he felt a vibration from his base to his head. Then she did it again, but this time from all the lengh of his cook. Everytime she did it, a wave of pleasure was send on all his body. But nothing was more adictive then the sensation of his cook rapped around his warm wattery mouth, being sucking by her. The cute way she looks and how her cheeks went so pink. How she kept the eye contact and how good was the feelling . Everything wen to strong, so fast that he couldn thought of anything. He left his head drop off while his hands went on her hair, feeling the softness, never he felt something more hot, more amazing. But he stopped her from continiung. He pull out himselft from her mouth, breathing heavy, with his eyes closed

Mc felt empty with the loss of his lengh. She never felt so eager to do that then with him. It was so good. So hard and he was so amazing. Seeing that face of him, was amazing and exciting. She try to aproch herself to him - Are you ok Kookie? Did it hurt? - She knew she did it carefully, but he kept his eyes close and his hand pushing her away by her shoulder. - Give me a minute. I almost cum - He said breathing heavy. Mc Smile a little proudly about it. And at the same time, she carressed the arm that was pushing her away It was ok for you to cum , you know? - She said with a soft voice.

Yeah. But i want to do it in your cunt - He said finally opening his eyes. He carresed her lips with his fingers - besides, ladys first - He said and then kiss her mouth with a new vigor, pushing her over the the bed. Then his hand went on her cunt and start to play strongly with her clit without preparation, at the time that his mouth went on her breast , sucking her breast with figor, and letting his tongue lick her nipple in his mouth. She was so stimulated and she kept his head over her breast, and took with her own hand the free breast. He thought that was so sexy and hot. But keep playing with her clit. - Come baby. Let me see you cum - His voice was so low and dark with lust, that send Mc over the edge. She felt how his orgasm was comming for her Keep it . Im so close baby - She was being honest and then she felt it, how she started to trembling under him for his administration. She felt sucj and strong orgasm, she couldnt evoid the screaming of his name under him. She had her eyes complety close for the sensation, meanwhile his fingers ketp doing soft movements over her clit You are so good to me Mc. So good. Always making me feel good. I wanna make you feel it too - He said as she was still on her hight from his orgasm. Then she fel it, how she was being opened by something. Mc opened her eyes at the time JK started to put in himself. He kept the soft strokes on her clit and then pushing himself in her in a soft way, was overstimulation for her. Jungkook, wait...i....ca... i cant - She said while she felt how he started to move in and out of her, soft, keeping the strokes in her clit - It hu...hurts - The pain and pleasure where mixed and she was a little scared with the strong sensation she was feelling

I promised. Is goin to be good - he bite a nipple and felt how Mc clench on him with your legs -  UHMMM!! - He growned by the sensation and didnt stop himself. He push it more strong, making her scream a little - FUCK Mc!! I always...thought about this... Fuck!

Mc couldn't say a word, she was so stimulated, recieving a hard pleasure. She just clench herself more on him, and make her hands on him. The hard pain, passed by and became pleasure. The hard way of JK pushing himself inside her, became more strong and more quick. The strokes in her sensitive clit went more strong. Both of them started to moan a little more strong, more desperate. His hearts went so fast, they both thought they were going to die. But the pleasure were so much strong and then came the sweet orgasm , and the movement went the strong to soft and more slow, riding out of it. Both could hair her own hearts beating at the same strong sound. Their breath were the same. Everything was so deep and strong. JK got out from Mc and rest over his back, looking at the ceiling. Mc did the same amazed about him. She had a silly smiled on her face and he had a confused look on him. Everything is ok Kook? - Mc asked a little worry.

Yeah... is just that... - He was try to recover the air - I thought... you know.. we did it before...but never went ...

This good? - She had an smiled on her face while she was nodding - i Know It wasnt bad neither - He said quickly. He didnt intent to be mean with you - It was....

More normal? . Its ok Kook. I felt it too. It was different - She admit it - But i like it - Mc get close to him and kiss him on his cheeck in a very soft way. Now he could see a little more the JK who was always. He was very soft and thoughtful about others -You are less tipsy now I wasnt tipsy.... i was drunk

[ecmlol]

“ I think your husband heard her wrong. There is no way that little cookie is a 21 weeks preemie.”

This hold time Jude had been thinking she would be passing away soon or he would be collect her remains for burial.

Jude can final breaths a sigh of relief that he was holding for her.

“ so what kind of preemie is she?”

“ well she is measuring around 28 and 5 or 6 days.

“ 28 ! Wait that doesn’t make sense .”Jude says as they walk down the hall.

“Well talk later I have a theory Jude. “ oscar says

“ I hate to say it but your theory is actually starting to make sense.” Chester says

“All right gentlemen I need to take daddy’s pictures first.”Jessica say

Jude stands infront of a blank blue wall.

The nurse takes a smiling Jude’s picture

“ would you like any of the grandparents to have solo access?” Jessica ask

“ yes please all of them.”

“ Jude I don’t..”oscar say

“ no as long as your in town you will sit with her and bond with her. You will not be a absentee grandfather.The two of you will have a relationship if you like it or not.”Jude says firmly before signing the paperwork.

Chester smiles at Jude’s firmness with Oscar.

“ ok now to the fun part. Everyone is healthy right?”

All three men nod yes.

“ good .im going to need you to strip down.she needs some skin to skin contact.”nurse Jessica says

“That’s called kangaroo care right?”

“ someones been doing their homework.Very good daddy. If your going to use your phones please wipe them down with these wipes.”they are standing at the entry of the visitor locker room.

“ there are bags inside to put your belongings in and a wash station to wash anything she will come in contact with. Your tough little cookie doesn’t need your sweat. So no going to the gym before visiting unless you take a really good shower.dont forget to wipe your phones.” Jessica says as she opens the door so the three man can walk in.

Jude quickly strips down and then heads to the wash station. There are pictures on the wall that Jude follows. Jude leaves the two grandpas in the room to change out of there street cloths

Jessica is waiting outside for them all to be ready to take them into the nicu.

“Are they almost ready?” Jessica ask.

“Give them a minute.”jude ask. Jessica nods

A minute later both grandfathers walk out with their clothes in a bag.

“All right you will have to sign in at the desk before every visit . If there are minors in the family that are under 14 they can do what we call peekaboo visits. The minor can not hold the baby but can see the baby from the window. If you want to take a video please only record your baby.”Jessica says as she walks them to the door.

“Can you take a video so noah can see her when he wakes up” jude ask chester.

“ of course” Chester takes the newly wiped phone and starts to record the floor until they get to the incubator.

The room has 6 incubators that are in uses.The three men follow Jessica to the very back one in the corner. She is in the only incubator with no decoration on it besides her name plate. Baby girl Lawson.

She has very little hair on top of her little head. She has monitors all over her chest hands and feet. She has a tube in her mouth and she’s on oxygen.

“ here she is. I’ll have to change the name from lawson to medios-Kinkade.” Nurse Jessica says

“ wow” jude says

“ she’s 2 .4lb and 16.1 inch long” nurse Jessica says.

“ I can’t believe she was this far along. Do you mind if I just look at her for a second before holding her?”

“ you want to count toes and fingers right ? I totally get it. I did it with every last one of my 4 kids.”Jessica says

“Yes please”

Chester zooms in on her feet.

“ oh my god” Chester says

“ whats?”jude ask

From a glance she looks normal.

“ her feet look at her feet “Chester says as he points to her feet.

Jude finish’s counting her fingers and moves down her body to her feet.

“ what the..” jude stops himself from cursing

“ is there a problem??” Jessica ask from about two feet a way.

“ she has my son ‘s feet”chesters says noticing all of her toes are the exact same length and the last toe is over lapping the one next to it.

“How’s that possible. I did a dna test on her already” Jude says

Flashbacks

At the beginning of Jude’s and Noah’s relationship they never showered together. At first it didn’t really bother jude because him and zero didn’t shower together often either unless they were having sex.Jude starts to notice that noah always wore socks when they were in bed.It took months for Noah to take his socks off in front of jude. Jude thought it was weird seeing Noah likes to be naked beside his feet.jude always thought it was strange too watch noah walk around naked and still have socks on.The day noah finally took his socks off was the first time the took a bath together. Jude invited noah over to the house for dinner. Jude planned on Noah to sleepover.He gave him the heads up that he want to spend Saturday with him. The door bell rings while jude is turning on his fireproof candles.jude walks to the security panel and sees noah standing outside of his gate with a overnight bag on his shoulder.

“ hey I’m going to buzz you in”

“ oh ok cool “jude watches noah walk up the stone walk way.

“ hey “Jude says as he let’s Noah in. Noah surprises Jude with a kiss before walking pass him

“ hi.Great place it’s real cozy in a gothy kind of way.”

“ oh the candles are for the mood. You hungry?”jude says as he turns to get two beers.

“Yes starving”noah grabs Jude’s hand. Jude turns and smile. Noah pulls Jude to him.

“ you didn’t ask me what I was hungry for.” Noah say only inches from Jude’s face.Jude’s heart starts to race at Noah’s closeness.

“ is pizza and beer ok “ jude says as Noah wraps his arms around his back.Noah smiles and kisses jude more deeply this time.jude takes the lead and strips Noah of his shorts before they could break the kiss. Jude pushes Noah on to the couch and strips out of his shirt while strattling Noah’s waist.

“ best way to end a stressful week”jude says

Jude bends down and kisses a trail down Noah’s chest to the stubble of his happy trail.

Noah relax under Jude’s oral ministration. noah runs his hand through Jude’s bobbing head. Noah couldnt last much longer if jude keeps this up. He pulls him up to kiss him . Noah loves the taste of himself on Jude’s lips.noah wants to slow things down a little.Noah starts to massage Jude’s lower back.noah can feel how tense Jude is.jude stops trying to rush thing which is fine by Noah. What noah needed is some skins to skin time with jude. It’s been 3 days since noah has even seen Jude.

“ that feels so good.”jude moans as Noah’s hands wonders over Jude’s ass.

“ I missed you and I want to savory this time with you.

Jude looks at noah and bites his lip and then smiles.

“I missed you too. I love you noah. “

“You still do?”

“ yes of course. I’m sorry I don’t tell you enough.”

“ it’s been awhile”

“ how can I make it up to you.”

“ let me see where you grew up.”

Jude sighs.

“ I will put my mic on charge the whole trip. It will just be a man that wants to see and know the man that he’s insanely in love with.

That made jude smile.

“ you really mean that don’t you?”

“ of course I do. You are more then a owner and a former EVP. Your Jude a man that is still very much a mystery to me in some ways but I love anyways.”

“ well you know you have a mystery too”

Noah almost looks hurt

“How? I have told you about my family, college,and my ex. I’ll answer what ever you want to know.

“Your feet”

“ my feet?”

“ I’ll make you a deal after dinner you take a bath with me and we can take Trip to fl.”

“ seriously I just have to take my socks off and I get to meet your mom?!”noah

Jude takes a deep breath

“ yes”jude says

“ wow you really do love me.”noah say

Jude smiles and the flashback fades

“How is that even possible? “ Jude says again.

“ Jude I’m telling you my husband has the same feet and his father before him it runs in the family.”

“ young lady do you mind giving us a moment “Oscar says with his best smile.

“ of course I’ll be right over there . Just tell me when your ready to pick her up”

The three men watch nurse Jessica walks away to the nurses desk about 8 feet away”

“ listen to your father Jude he is starting to make sense now that I see her.”chester points to the baby.

Jude has his hand in one of the openings of the incubator holding the sleeping baby’s tiny hand.

“ alright.” Jude says as he turns toward his father.

“ I have always kept a eye on you Jude as you know already. By the way your PI is actually mine. The test actual came back as negative I figured that Lowe would be easier to deal with then Derek”

“ ok” jude says slowly became he didn’t want to scream at his father.

“ once noah came into your life I started to keep a eye on him also.”

“ wait you have been watching noah too”

“ of course I have .anyone you get close with I look into”

Jude is trying not to get upset so he focuses on the baby’s still hand in his hand. Jude looks down and she starts to move.

“ hi”Jude says and she wiggles her fingers then grips Jude’s finger.

“ I think she waking up.”jude says.

Both grandfathers walk closer to take a look.

“ As I was saying jude, I started to look into Noah then the young lady appeared so I looked into her. She had a troubling past. Her parents both spent time in prison. Her mother was a addict and her father was a dealer. She’s been on her own for a long time.she was in and out of foster care . She was a run away too. She was living in her car at the arena before moving in with Noah”

“ that rough” Chester says

“ what does that have to do with the baby”

“ from what I can tell pax was the only man that was at the apartment beside noah and yourself. My pi started to have a sneaky suspicion about the baby when she would go to the abortion clinic wearing devils attire but never went in.noah finally saw her one day and she never went back.”

Judes laughed to himself if oscar only thinks people have sex in beds at home he has had a boring life.If he and Noah could have conceive this baby together she would have been created in a air duct or maybe his desk the thought makes Jude laugh out loud.

“ so you thinking she was trying to trap Noah?”Jude says as he tries to compose himself.

“ maybe a long term meal ticket?”Chester says

“Maybe she used noah to try and trap a player and it didn’t work”oscar say

“ well pax took the bait but she turned him down”jude says

“Maybe it was the wrong player. Pax is in a lot of debt. Someone with her back ground I would think would want everything for her child she didn’t have.”

“ what did she know about your relationship?”chester say

“ she was actually our match maker because I was being a idiot about having relationship with Noah”

“ interesting “ Oscar say

“Do you think she may have thought that the two of you would have made good parents after she couldn’t trap the right devil?” Chester ask

“ I have no idea” jude says

“ I still would like to know how this even happened “ Chester says as he points to the baby in question.

“ I have a idea” jude says as he thinks back to every time noah has tossed a used condom in a trash can. And not a toilet.He must have seen noah do it 30 times by now.Never in a million years did he think this would happen.ok maybe that’s a lie.

“What’s your idea jude I would love to hear it” chester says

“ let’s just say Noah is still a gold star gay or what ever the term it.”

“ interesting “

Oscar tries not to show his confusion

“ it mean he’s never come in contact with a women nether regions”Chester says

“ ah I see arent most gay men gold star” Oscar ask

“I am but I don’t have any friends so I have no clue” Jude says

Oscar and Jude look at Chester for answers

“Don’t look at me I’m married to my best friend we have been together sense we were 18 but we have also been with our wife almost same amount of time. I’m bi “

Jude goes back to watches his daughter as she flexes her hand around his fingers.

“True”everyone goes back to looking at the baby.

“ Im done wondering how she got here . I’ll do a dna test to have proof in case someone wants to challenge me and Noah over my rights to her. She’s here and we will never really know the why’s of how she became to be seeing jamie died.”

“ it takes two to have a baby jude. I’m sure noah has his side of the story.”oscar says

Jude shrugs

“ true. I guess this will be cleared up when he wakes up”

Jude turns back to his little one in the incubator.

“ I think it’s time for you to be picked up.” Jude coos

Chester starts to record again.

“excuse me I’m ready to hold my daughter”jude say loud enough to get the attention of nurse Jessica .

“ I’m coming I’m really happy you’re ready. She needs to bond with her family.” Nurse Jessica says as she walks over to the incubator.

“ have a seat right there.”nurse Jessica says as she points to a rocking chair next to the incubator.chester backs up to get out of the way.

Everyone watches as she opens the incubator and gently pick up the little girl and places her on Jude’s bare chest. Jessica helps to wrap the hospital gown around them.

At that moment Jude knows he would do whatever it takes to protect her. He couldnt imagine giving her up or not seeing her all the time. It’s feels right to jude. At that moment he knew there was something mentally wrong with his father. There is no way you could be normal and not feel differently after holding your child. For the first time in his life jude can look at his father a little differently.

A tissue is being ran across Jude’s cheek. He looks up expecting Chester or nurse Jessica but it wasn’t it oscar .

“ dad “

“ yes son “

“Nothing”

“ Jude are you ok”

“Absofreakingloty”

“Good”

“ did you get a change to hold me as a baby?”

The question throws oscar for a loop

“ dad?”

“ no I didn’t”

“ why”

“ I didn’t want children “

“ oh”

“ would you have changed anything back then” Jude’s voice hold a little hope for his fathers answer.

“ no I would not. “

Jude looks up disappointed then back down.

“ I wouldn’t change it because you wouldn’t be the same man that you are today that I’m so proud of at this very moment “

That made jude smile and tear up a little more.

Oscar doesn’t seem to mind wiping Jude’s tears.

Jude is able to get his emotions uncontrol after a few seconds.. By then oscar is sitting next him looking over his shoulder.

“ she is adorable .”oscar says

“ she’s bald just like Noah was.”chester says with a smile

“ so is she Noah’s twin ? I haven’t seen any of his baby pictures”jude ask chester

“ with all the tubs and tape from what I can see your mother in-law just moved in but she’s really young it could just me wishful thinking.”Chester say

“ really”jude says

Jude tried to look at her face but all he sees is the top of her head. Chester has a better view of her face then Jude’s.Plus Jude has never seen a baby picture of his mother in law so he wouldn’t know.

Chester reaches out and gently runs his finger over the little girls bald head then smiles. Chester jerks his hand back when his phone vibrates in his back pockets.

Chester stands up and looks at his phone.

“ thank god nono is about to come out of surgery! “

“ that is wonderful news ”oscar says

Jude can finally release the breath he is holding .

“ I have to go” jude says to the little bundle of joy in his arms.

“ excuse me Nurse Jessica I have to go my husband is about to come out of surgery .”

“ alright Congratulations!” Nurse Jessica says

Nurse Jessica walks over to jude.

“ hey i have to go see your papa? Daddy?” Jude thinks for a second.

“ well either way I have to go I’m going to leave you with your grandpas”nurse Jessica walks over and takes the baby from jude. As soon as she moved her she started to make a strange noise

“ what’s wrong why is she make that noise” jude ask

“ she’s crying . You were comfortable with your daddy weren’t you?”

“ hey I’ll be back in a bit”

The baby quite down when jude starts to talk and then starts right back. When he stops .jude frowns.

“ who’s next?” Jessica asks

“ Chester I will let you pick what ever name you want to go by if I can see my father hold her next.”

“ it’s really al right”

Both Chester and Jude turn and say no at the same time.

“ if you send me a video of Noah as soon as you see him you have a dear.”

“Deal”

Nurse Jessica looks at Oscar expectedly.

Oscar takes the seat.

“ it’s ok here comes your next warm chest. Your little dance card is so full arent you a lucky girl”

Jude watches the akward exchange between nurse and grandfather.As soon as she is settled on oscar’s chest she starts to quite down. Jude hates that he has to leave her.

“ take a picture it will last longer” Chester say as he takes oscars pictures with Jude’s phone.

“ I’m going to apologize for my husband’s attitude now. I’m texting you nono’s room number”

“ I understand it now .” jude says and he takes one more look at his tough little cookie.

Jude almost bounces down the hall way. He wanted to scream at the top of his lung “ I’m a father!”. Jude wonders if the gift store is still opened. He wants to bought some balloons and a pink m&m for Noah. He quickly makes his way to the gift store. The lights are still on but the door is locked. The clerk looks up . Jude made his saddest pleadings face in hope they will open up. Jude looks down on himself and he looks crazy and the women behind th pocked glasses door face reflects that. Jude is holding his cloths in a bag and he is still wearing the hospital gown.

The women walks up and opens the door.

“ I’m sorry we are closed.”

“ I will give you 50 dollar if I can buy some pink m&m they are for my husband and he is just getting out of surgery and our baby is in the nicu and he has no idea she’s been born.” Jude says quickly

The older women steps a side

“ I can make a accepting for you that is a lot going on young man”

“ it is and it’s my birthday “

“ wow happy birthday “

Jude fumbles around and gets his wallet out of his pocket and hands over the 50.

“ you don’t have to.” The older woman says

“ you are doing me a favor take it.” Jude puts down the 50 and his clear bag.

“ is this good?”the women brings over a small pink ballon with a base that full of pink m&m while jude slips in to his shirt.

“Sorry about this i was so excited I forgot to put my shirt on.”

Jude finish buttoning his shirt as he walks across the room to grab a pink bear and a pink ballon

“ I’ll take these too.”

The older women smile and rings Jude up

“ so does your little girl have name yet?”

“ we thought we would have more time to pick one but I like the name we set aside. Jacqueline. Her nick name would be Jax or Jaxy.”

“ that’s a great name”

“ I’m liking it too “Jude says

Jude thanks the older women and heads to the room chester texted him.

As Jude walks towards the room his head is spinning with everything that needs to be done seeing the baby here.Jude knows she won’t be able to go home for a few month from now but there is still so much that needs to be done.

As Jude turns down the hall way jude thinks he should call and explain things to pax. Jude thinks calling Derek first would be the best thing for the situation.

As Jude walks he pulls out his phone and finds dereks number.

“Hey Derek”

“Hey birthday boy everyone is looking for you and Noah”

“ Noah in the hospital but that’s not why I called”

“ is he all right”

“ he’s just out of surgery I’m going to check on him now”

“If you need anything let me know”

“ thanks I do need you to find pax and bring him to trinity hospital “

“Ah sure can I ask why”

“The baby is here and she doesn’t belong to pax”

“Oh wow jude I .”

“Don’t worry she’s not yours either she was already pregnant when she slept with both of you.”

“Wait are you serious who’s the father”

“ that detail doesn’t really matter at the moment “

“ oh how’s jamie?”

“ she passed away after child birth”

“Wow I just I don’t know what to say” Derek says

“ so can you help me “

“ definitely I got you “

“ thank you.”

“No problem”

“ any chance is my assistant there?”

Derek looks around and sees Murray at the bar sitting alone scanning the room.

“ yes she’s still here”

“ awesome thank you I’ll see you tomorrow “

“ I’ll see you then give noah my best.”

“ will do”jude and Derek disconnects.

[bougiebutbalanced]

An Apology & Cease-Fire

I try hard to love myself. It’s something that I actively practice everyday. Now before pass judgement, roll your eyes and think “its easy to love yourself when you look like that” I’m gonna stop you right there.  This isn’t how I’ve always looked. And certainly not how I always felt. I’ve battled the demons in my mind and mirror for as long as I can remember. 

I grew up in a time when everyone wore extra low rise jeans and tiny tops that displayed their belly rings. Xtina was dirrty, Paris Hilton was hot, 00 was the ideal size and the resident It Girl informed us that nothing tasted as good being skinny felt. 

But.... I wasn't built to wear 00 jeans. While my peers struggled to find jeans that were small enough around their waste yet long enough to cover their ankles, I fit comfortably into a size 6. I had an hourglass figure for as long as I could remember. But since I’m not Latina and those only person who it was acceptable to have curves was JLo, I began to develop some insecurities about myself. 

From the time I was about 12 I began every morning on the scale. Not my idea, non-optional, and overseen by my mom -one of my main demons disguised as a guardian angel. 3 little numbers would dictate whether I would climb into the shower and danced (150-151lbs) or cried (152lbs): for reference I was about 5’7-5’8. Thus began my war against my body. And I lost every battle. 

Growing up, I became aware that every group of friend had a fat friend --And when the DUFF book/movie eventually came out I began to think maybe I wasn't alone-- I had originally noticed this because that friend was always me. I had a habit of scanning whatever room I was in and mentally sorting the girls from best body to fattest. And being excited when I wasn’t in last. Albeit i was usually second to last. 

I began to binge. However the only eating disorders that existed were anorexia and bulimia- there was no such thing as a disorder where you ate copious amounts of junk food without the purge part (which for me came later). I was consumed with shame and guilt

The root of my shame and guilt stemmed from my mom. She has a my way is the best way attitude. With everything in life. She has an opinion on everything and if you don’t respond with “wow best idea ever how would I live without you” she gets upset. Those are her own insecurities, but they manifest in unhealthy ways towards me. Having a mom who judged everything I ate created constant shame and guilt around food. But when I wanted to do some kind of diet, she was supportive until it was inconvenient for her. Like if we were going out for dinner or if she was having people over then I should “just have a little.”  Or that time everyone was going vegetarian so I tried too and she made ribs and tacos and other things I loved trying to “break” me. Thanks mom 

This also led to my distain for exercising. Actually, just my distain for running. I hate running. Always have. It hurts and it’s boring and I’ve never been great at it. But my mom became a runner in her 20s and therefore it’s the only way to get healthy. I would’ve preferred spin classes or to try Pilates and I love swimmning but she didn't like those things and therefore in her mind they were inferior to the almighty option for weight loss: Running. Not cardio in general, just running.  

Then, in my early 20′s I got sick. I had a flare up of PCOS (super common auto immune and if you have it go to a naturopath and follow the diet- you’ll feel sooo much better I promise) I gained weight uncontrollably. But I also binged uncontrollably so I’m sure that contributed. I was also dangerously anemic which caused major depression. However I’m going to skip over most that time because it was a long and painful process of recovery. 

Before I lost all energy to do anything all I knew was that I was gaining weight and so I lived on celery and hummus and went to the gym twice a day.  I also tried to push thru my exhaustion, resting in my mom's eyes in lazy and therefore unacceptable, in her eyes you couldn't possibly heal if you were just laying on the couch, you should be up and moving. A prime example of this is when I got home from Australia, I’d drive the 20min in from our house to her office and I’d be so tired I’d have a headache from keeping my eyes open. But she told me it was jet lag just go to the gym and work it off... it was mono. We found out after it got really bad. I’d helped to unload 200 bails of hay and that night my glands swoll up to golf balls. The next day I was diagnosed and the dr said no impact sports or heavy lifting or my spleen could burst, it was pure luck that I was okay after lifting those bails.

Anyway, I was in my early 20s and now the Kardashians curves were envied and Kate Upton was the epitome of gorgeous, times had changed...but so had I. I was at my sickest, and my heaviest (260lbs) looking back at my high school pictures and wondering why I thought I was fat. If I could just get back to that weight, I’d be so happy. Yet, I’d cry when I saw memes about having a fast metabolism in high school because I never had one. So the war raged on, I hated how I didn’t look like I did in high school, yet I hated that I was skinny in high school....and I never saw the link.

Eventually I healed, and  went on a diet (its called Ideal Protein and its Keto). I did this diet 3 times. The first I went back down to 180. Then went off it, and gained back up to about 220. Then I went back on it and dropped to 195, went off and gained back to 210...then slowly over the next year I gained back up to 220. And then I tried to be bulimic. Turns out I like the feeling of throwing up (ya    that might be weird) so I’d binge and binge and then throw everything up. I’d go shopping and try things on and when they didn't fit, I’d swear to myself that I’d “commit” to being bulimic, and do it twice a day. But it didn't help me lose weight, it just slowed down the gain. 

The third time and final time I did the Ideal Protein I was in a different (and much better) place mentally thanks to the therapist I was seeing at the time. I dropped to 165, and when I went off it I went vegan. I bought my own groceries and even though I live with my parents they work out of town so I’m mostly on my own for meals too. Sometimes I go through phases where I eat unhealthy and I go up in weight and then I go through phases where I eat very healthy, i.e: vegan (not preaching for everyone to be vegan but I’ve found that it works well for me personally) gained up to 175 and then lost (on my own). I’m currently in one of those going up phases and whatever. It started when I went to Bali and enjoyed myself, then I was unemployed and stressed so not a great reaction (I sprained my ankle in Bali so no dynamic exercise and even a lot of yoga poses I couldn't do) and now I’m on vacation for Xmas. I don’t enjoy what my body looks like right now but I’m trying not to care. I know when I go home I’ll choose healthy foods again. When my ankle heals I’ll go back to dynamic execrsices and when I get a new job I’ll begin going to barre classes because they’re my fave. 

Most importantly, I recently realized that I had been so wrong. I thought because I’d tried starving my body or tried throwing up everything that wasn't healthy for me, but that didn’t help me to lose weight so I thought I’d lost that battle. I tried to exercise everyday and often I’d push till I couldnt go on, but I didn't see any progress so that didn't work for me and I’d lost that battle too. For reference, the first time I did Ideal Protein I went from 260lbs - 180lbs and even though my jeans were smaller I couldn't see a difference in my reflection....so body dysmorphia was at play. I lost the battle when I tried to be healthy so I’d binge and binge and go months without any form of exercise. And it didn't matter. Because when I was losing weight (minus this last time), or when I was eating chocolate and pizza in the dark, I hated myself. I hated that I had to wear clothes that were “flattering” (I word I despise because in my moms world thats a compliment) instead of clothes that were trendy. And every time I’d see my reflection or a picture of me I’d feel like I’d lost or failed. But I was wrong. But I was wrong in thinking I was the loser in this war.  Because I controlled the shots and my body was the one that had to adapt to the restriction or the overload. It was the one that shrunk and grew in response to my actions that were all done out of anger, frustration, and hate so even when my body was getting exercise or nourishment it was always starved of love. 

So this decade. And those that come after it. It will be loved. There’s no wagons to fall off of or tracks to get back on. They’re all phases. Like seasons of the year or phases of the moon, some are darker than others but all are necessary for life and all have their good and bad characteristics. I love that I sometimes  allow myself to indulge (such as my current choices). But I also love that I choose to supply nourishment and movement to my body. I love myself enough to supply my vessel with nourishment. Now I move my body in ways that feel good i.e. low impact(yoga, barre, walks with my dog). And I also recognize that sometimes its better that I don’t move at all. Such as, it’s better to take 1-2 days of nothing but Netflix and delivery in order to recharge then to push through stress and exhaustion and struggle through before I eventually burn out, where I spend 2-3 WEEKS watching Netflix and getting delivery but hating myself while doing so and feeling like a failure. 

I’m so sorry to my that it went so long without love and validation. I promise to fill the rest of them with compassion and fun and understanding. Here’s to end of 2019 and good start to 2020; the end of a decade, but the start of an age (yes that’s a TSwift lyric) 

Love Me <3 

[themoonwastaken]

Back home (One shot)

So a wrote a little one shot, i guess thats how they're called, I don’t write often but this was a little idea I had after last chapter. It includes a little Bryce and a jealous Ethan. I’m sorry if there are any mistakes. I hope you like it!  MC: Vanessa Shepherd  The ride back home was nothing if not awkward. Vanessa couldn't stop wondering if she had done something wrong, even if Ethan told her she hadn't. She clearly understood Ethan's reasons but now the little pain in her heart wouldn't let her forget what had happened between them, how warm he was next to her, his strong arms holding her, how good of a kisser he was, it was all etched in her mind and body.At the hospital again, she vowed she would keep things professional, even if it pained her a little, even if calling him ¨Dr. Ramsey¨ felt weird, even if standing close to him made her heart race like crazy. If a kiss made her feel this way she wondered what would have happened had Ethan not stopped it. How would she feel now? ¨It was for the best¨ she kept telling herself.

¨We're so glad you're back! We missed you!¨ Sienna hugged her instantly when she opened the door. ¨It was just one weekend Sienna¨ Vanessa laughed but she returned the hug a little stronger than Sienna. ¨How was it? You have to tell us everything!¨ Elijah got closer to them followed by Landry. ¨What do you mean `how was it?´ It was a weekend next to Dr. Ramsey, it obviously was amazing, you must have learned a lot¨ Landry couldn't hide his dreamy eyes.His name made her cringe a little. ¨Yeah, it was... ¨ She searched for the right words carefully ¨Surreal, surely not what I thought it would be, but amazing, nonetheless¨ ¨I can imagine¨ Jackie came out of her room, sharing a little smile with Vanessa. ¨I promise I'll tell you everything about it later, I'm just beat and I have about 2 hours of sleep till I have to go to the hospital again, but I missed you guys, I'm really glad I'm back. ¨Aaaaw we missed you too¨ Sienna initiated a group hug and soon enough everyone left for work, leaving Vanessa to rest. Hours later Vanessa was already at the hospital, she hadn't run into Ethan and a part of her was wondering if he was avoiding her or maybe they both were avoiding each other. This situation just made her feel shitty, there was no other word to describe it, but she was back to reality, she knew she had to snap out of it.She felt a pair of strong arms hugging her from behind, she recognized them instantly and couldn't help the big smile on her face.¨You're back!¨ Bryce hugged her tightly ¨You missed me.¨ She said confidently. ¨Is it that obvious?¨ ¨A little, but I missed you too so its fine¨ She said finally looking at him. His smile sure was a breath of fresh air. ¨So? How are you doing since you're back? Do I need do beat someone up?¨ ¨What?¨ That question made her feel a little dumbfounded. ¨Jealousy is a bitch, everybody is treating you right?¨ ¨Oh¨ She chuckled ¨It's fine, don't worry about me.¨ ¨I know, you're a strong woman but I still want to be there for you¨ He ruffled her hair while she bit her bottom lip, trying to hold back a smile. ¨Doctor Lahela!¨ A strong voice, a little irritated, called him at the end of the corridor¨ ¨Yes Dr. Ramsey?¨ Bryce stood taller.

¨...¨ He hesitated a little ¨They're looking for you in the OR¨ ¨Really?¨ He checked his pager, there was nothing on the screen ¨That's weird¨ He said mostly to himself. ¨I suggest you hurry up and don't expect me to do this again for you, I'm not a messenger.¨ Ethan's jaw was tensed and his expression was serious. ¨ Yes Dr. Ramsey, thank you. We'll talk later, okay?¨ He didn't wait for an answer and left running, leaving Vanessa and Ethan alone.What was going on between them? Ethan asked himself, he sure knew they were friends but maybe he had failed to see there was something else. He felt his muscles tense up just thinking about it. His mouth strongly shut making his jaw hurt a little. He knew why he cared so much, but he also knew he shouldn't care so much. Nobody said anything for a few seconds that felt like hours until Vanessa finally looked at him. Her big, beautiful eyes finally looking at him, hypnotizing him. She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out.Why did she feel like saying sorry? She did nothing wrong but still, a little guilty feeling annoyed her in the back of her mind.¨I should go check on my patients.¨ She finally said. ¨Yeah, go do that¨ His tone softened a little, he couldn't be mad at her even if he wanted to, not for this. ¨Dr. Ramsey¨ She said as a goodbye. ¨Dr. Shepherd¨ Formalities made them both cringe with a bit of a flashback from that night. Ethan closed his eyes while massaging his temples. This was so unlike him, letting his emotions control him to the point of lying...but seeing them so close, the way she was looking at him and the smile on her face... He wanted to be the reason, not Lahela. He tried to calm himself a little, it looked like the only one who couldn't be professional was him, obviously not her, she was perfect. That thought made him smile a little, she was far from perfect but she really was something else. That week went by painfully slow. Vanessa had no idea how she made it through but she felt proud of herself, she really held her end on the deal with herself, she managed to be professional and help a lot of patients, what she went there to do. It was hard, being close to him but not impossible and she knew she could do it. On the other hand Ethan was more and more annoyed by Bryce's presence. Seemed to him he was always around Vanessa. He had no other jealousy outbursts but it sure still bothered him. She seemed happy around him, carefree. He wanted to be able to hug her when he felt like it, just like Bryce did, he wanted to be able to talk to her about whatever, joke with her, be there for her, in a different way. He found himself sighing more than usual, and surprise, it was always when he was thinking of her which he was also doing more than usual. Other than that he still had Doctor Banerji to be worried about, everything was pretty much the same, he still had no idea what was going on with him and how to help him, even if Vanessa was still there for him.The group decided to go out, after a very stressful week they just wanted to hang out, drink and have fun, Vanessa agreed to go with them, knowing she had to relax and take some things out of her mind. Even if her relationship with them, specially Jackie, was weird at the moment, she was happy she had them, even if she couldnt tell them everything, they made her feel...not alone.The bar they usually went to was already packed with doctors and interns.They all went to a corner after ordering some drinks, talking excited talking about what they had done that week. Vanessa sighed thinking about last week. ¨Whats wrong? You've bearly touched your drink¨ Sienna looked at her a little worried. ¨Oh, I guess I'm just tired, dont worry about it, a few more of these and I'll be up and about.¨ Vanessa smiled trying to shake away the memories. ¨Seriously Vanessa, you've kinda been a little off this week.¨ Jackie squinted. ¨Yeah, distant even.¨ Added Landry ¨You think so? I dont know what to tell you guys.¨ ¨Come on guys, you sound like you've never been tired¨ Bryce put an arm around her while leaning against a wall with a drink in his hand. ¨Believe us Bryce, we're all tired, not just number one here, but we're putting a little effort not to bring our work with us everywhere we go¨ Jackie sounded a little angier than she meant to so she softened her voice mid sentence. ¨I'm sorry guys, really, I'll snap out of it.¨ She gave them an apologetic smile. ¨Dance with me¨ Said Bryce, his mouth close to her ear made her shiver Without saying a word she accompanied him and started dancing, nobody else was dancing, but she knew he didnt care, and neither did she, after all, she was there to have fun, chill and drink. She spent the night doing exactly that, finally having fun and she had her friends to thank.Still there was something she needed to do and she had only the liquid courage to blame. She spotted him, in the corner of her eye, drinking alone, she knew he knew she was there, after all, he couldn't take his eyes off of her when she was dancing with Bryce, something she noticed he did often when they were together.¨I'll be right back¨She walked away from her friends, making sure Ethan saw her and giving him a special look, one she hoped he would understand. He sat there, wondering if he should go after her, God knows what would happen if he did...but he couldn't resist. He drank the rest of his drink and followed her to a little dark hallway. ¨What are you doing?¨ She said facing him, standing very close, looking at him with fierce eyes. He couldnt speak. ¨If you keep staring people are going to notice.¨ She continued. ¨Whats with you and Lahela?¨ ¨You can't have it both ways.¨ ¨I don't intend to, I just want to know.¨ It was a fast, angry conversation, but the desire in the air was undeniable. ¨Sorry, excuse me¨ They both looked at the employee walking toward them ¨You cant be here, this place is off limits. ¨Sorry, we'll leave, we just got a little lost, thats all¨ Vanessa said noticing how close she was to Ethan and putting some space between them ¨Okay well, don't let me see you here again.¨ The employee left, preoccupied with work.Vanessa opened a door, it looked like a mop closet but without the cleaning utensils, grabbed his hand and led him inside closing the door behind them. They stood there in almost complete darkness, their faces barely noticable while their eyes got adjusted to darkness. ¨I'm...¨ Ethan started saying but Vanessa interrupted. ¨Listen Ethan¨ His eyes perked up at the mention of his name. ¨There is... nothing going on between Bryce and me¨ A little part of her wondered if that was a lie. ¨But if there was you shouldnt be worried about it.¨ The silence between them grew louder ¨I've been thinking about you... a lot, and about what happened and there is something I need to tell you. I understand why you did what you did, I wouldnt want to do anything, ever, that jeopardizes your career or mine.  I respect you a lot, everything you've done and everything you do for everyone, including me...But I dont...¨ She thought about her next words carefully. ¨ I don't regret what happened... And how I feel about you.¨ She put a hand on his jaw, moving her thumb, feeling his stuble and with a little smile kissed him on the cheek. ¨See you around Dr. Ramsey¨ And with that she left, had she looked back she would have seen Ethan reaching out to her.

[ghostandblog]

Talking about Movies

FF / AO3

Summary: Bored in the library, Hannah and Barbara play a small game thinking about their friends.

Pairing: Sucy/Akko, Hannah/Amanda, Barbara/Lotte ( all characters are mentioned but not all appear, this is mostly about H&B talking).

Word count: 1,890

“Alright, let’s start with…Diana.”

Hannah’s tone is low, almost like a whisper, despite the library being pretty much empty. She looks at her friend with an inquisitive look.

Barbara rests her hand on her chin, with a concentrated expression as she thinks of their overachieving roommate. She considers her proper body posture, aristocrat upbringing, and the way she always goes for the most complex words at the moment of talking, which Barbara was sure it was a conscious decision on her part. It reminds her of black and white films, stories of powerful yet vulnerable heroes, beautifully designed yet simple dresses, and a sense of elegance that is just absent in most modern movies. With a clear answer on her mind, she looks back at Hannah.

“Diana would be… Classic Hollywood.”

Hannah raises her eyebrow a little bit. “That’s an odd connection.”

“Not at all, it makes perfect sense. Think of her as…Gone with the Wind or Citizen Kane”. Once she figures that her redheaded friend is convinced, she clasps her fingers together with a small smirk. “Alright, my turn. Give me a movie genre for… Amanda.”

Hannah narrows her eyes for a moment. “Amanda…Amanda would be adventure films. Movies that provide an… exciting sense of wonder. Purposely throwing yourself to danger in order to find new experiences, marvelously choreographed action scenes. You know, stories about the discoveries of ancient secrets and hidden treasures that also would lead to the discovery of…new aspects of yourself.” Hannah feels her lips forming a smile, then looks at Barbara’s grinning expression and worries that she may have flattered their american classmate a bit too much. “B-but there would not be, like, anything meaningful in them! always B-rated flicks with zero substance, yeah! That’s Amanda.”

She looks around them, worried that maybe she spoke a little too loud, but finds the library as empty as it was when they came for their now-paused study session. Hoping that her blush isn’t too noticeable, Hannah points at Barbara.

“Your turn now! Constanze?”

Barbara giggles a little bit, this was definitely a no-brainer. “Well duh, science fiction movies!” Giant robots, scientists working on their laboratories creating complex machines. Barbara entertains the idea that the short girl’s birthplace and silent nature is reminiscent of german expressionism cinema, but she knows she may be reaching with that one. “Jasminka?”

Hannah lets out a mocking chuckle. “I dunno. The cooking channel?”. After both share a small laugh, she tries to give a more thoughtful response. “But like, seriously, there is a sort of…warmth in her, you know? Always offering a tiny bit of what she’s eating, always with that calm smile of hers, it kind of reminds me of those feel-good movies that you watch as a kid with your parents, the ones with happy endings no matter what, or no matter how cheesy. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, if you will.”

Barbara nods, not really having anything to add.

Hannah raises her eyebrow again, this time placing a hand under her chin. “Now what would Lotte be?”

Barbara’s mind goes back to the finnish girl and remembers how she got to know her better thanks to their shared interest in Nightfall. She thinks of impossible love stories, star-crossed lovers, and above all, stories of girls that at some point may have been perceived as plain-looking or invisible, but later prove themselves beautifully unique and irreplaceable to the eyes of the previously dismissive hero. Unlike Hannah, she is not ashamed of her blushing face neither tries to hide it. She lets out a sigh before speaking.

“Lotte would be romance. Definitely.”

“Hehe. Of course she would.”

“You now. How about…Kagari?”

Hannah blinks, not really sure what to say at first, then finds a clear answer just by looking at Barbara’s smirk, knowing for sure that she is thinking the same thing as her.

“Comedy!”, they both say almost in unison, covering the giggling with their hands, more like a habit than a genuine attempt at keeping it quiet.

Atsuko Kagari. Always tripping over something, always making a mistake in her potions that resulted in some kind of explosion and her face covered in ashes. It’s like she was born to make every situation around her funny, and her almost negative intellect didn’t help, either. Everything she did was a source of laughs. Comedy certainly suited her alright.

Hannah wipes a small tear from her eye after laughing maybe a little too much, remembering it was her turn to ask.

“Okay Barb, what about creepy Susie?”

“Yeah. What about me?”

The monotone tone of voice is familiar, but the surprise is still there when they turn around and see the figure of a pale girl with long purple hair, her only visible eye looking directly at them with a tired expression, bangs covering the other one.

Hannah tries to stand back almost instinctively, accidentally tripping with one of her feet and falling out of her chair in a very unflattering manner, not unlike the way of the clumsy girl they were laughing at recently.

Barbara remains sitting where she is, petrified, with her hands placed in front of her as if she were trying to stop a sudden attack coming from Sucy. She attempts to keep her cool, but still can feel the sweat on the back of her neck.

Sucy just stands there, her expression unfazed. Is only the slow, uninterested way she blinks that reminds Hannah and Barbara that the girl standing before them is still alive (as far as they know).

“S-sucy! Hannah and I were just, we-” Still doing her best to keep whatever remains of her composure, Barbara hopes that she can get them out of there alive by sweet-talking somehow.

“How long have you been just STANDING there!?” Hannah’s usual temper doesn’t make it easy for Barbara, though.

Sucy just gives her a quick, dismissive glance, before looking directly at Barbara, who is now wishing that her sweating isn’t as noticeable as she thinks it is.

“So? What movie genre I am?”

“Ah! Well, we- uhm, we thought that you, erm, obviously-”

As Barbara attempts to form a coherent lie, Sucy just gets closer to the point that their faces are mere inches to each other, as if to remind her that there would not be a way out of this unless she tells her what she wants to know.

“Answer the question. Which one I am?”

Barbara lets out a loud gulp. She can’t really think of a convincing lie, so she decides to just answer honestly, ready to face the lavender witch’s wrath.

“Horror. I…i was gonna say that you would be a horror movie.”

Her expression doesn’t change for the next seconds that to Barbara, felt like hours. Then a smile seems to form on her lips, just enough to let Barbara know that she was amused by her answer.

“Haha. Neat.”

“Yo, Sucy! Hurry up! I already found the book that Lotte asked us to get!”

Hearing the familiar, loud voice that doesn’t even try to pretend to be in a place meant for silence and studying, the three girls look at the other end of the library, where Akko is waving at them while holding an old, dusty book on her other hand. Sucy looks back at Hannah and Barbara, wearing the same uninterested expression as before.

“Gotta go now”.

Feeling like she dodged a mushroom-shaped bullet, Barbara tries to keep the tiny bit of composedness that she barely had, but lets out a deep breath the very moment Sucy turns back and goes to where Akko is. She keeps looking at their direction, though, if only to make sure that the creepy girl actually leaves and doesn’t have any kind of last card, snake or potion under her sleeve. While hearing them chat as they walk, Barbara can notice, once again, how Sucy’s body language changes just a little bit when walking alongside Akko.

“Hey Suz, what were you doing with Hannah and Barbara just now?”

“Eh. We were just talking.”

“About what?”

As they leave the library, the two blue team members can’t hear their conversation anymore. Hannah, still shaking due to their near-Sucy experience, tries to regain her collectedness and opens her books again without saying anything, willing to forget anything related to the game they were playing to slack off studying. Barbara’s attention is somewhere else, still looking at the door even after the two girls are no longer there.

If Barbara had to be honest, she didn’t particularly care for either of them… even if Lotte was still trying to get her to know them better. But despite her own indifference, she couldn’t deny that there was something…charming in how the weird, creepy, and off-putting girl with lavender hair managed to develop a soft spot for the clumsiest girl in school, and how it was hard to ignore given that she herself managed to notice certain patterns as she was looking for stuff to make fun of them. Back when she still found enjoyment in bullying the three red team members, she considered the idea to tease Sucy about her potential feelings towards her roommate, but even then her own sense of survival knew better than that.

The expression on her face softens up just a tiny bit, enough for Hannah to notice when she turns to talk to her again.

“Did you know, that despite how different and irreconcilable they may seem, the horror and comedy genres have a lot in common? Many film and literally critics agree on that.”

Hannah just looks at her with a confounded expression.

“Huh?”

“If you pay attention, you would notice how many of the most acclaimed horror movies have a little bit of comedy in them. Not even as a foil, mostly as…a small piece that you didn’t know it would be missing. Something that you never thought would fit, but it does amazingly so. Yes, comedy and horror movies can exist on their own and work perfectly fine alone…”, pausing her words for a moment, she looks for her notes scrapped on the table to resume her studies, “…But is only when placed alongside with comedy that the horror genre gets to truly shine to its full potential.”

“What the heck are you going on about now?”

As if taken back from a trance, Barbara blinks a little, then just shrugs.

“I guess I just thought it was interesting.” She says almost instantly forgetting why that particular comparison came to her mind. “What about us though?”

“Ah?”

“Yeah, what movie genre would we be?”

Hannah scratches her head. She considers the options left, even if at this point she is not really interested to keep playing the little game they both made up. “I dunno. Animation?”

Seemingly considering the answer for a moment, Barbara lets out a dismissive laugh while opening one of her books. “Ha! As if.”

“Yeah, you are right. I’m not a big fan of cartoons, in all honesty.” Hannah says as she thinks of repetitive Saturday-morning animated shows, the ones with talking animals wearing funny clothes, stock sound effects, and the same background scene over and over. “Is just stuff for little kids anyway. Like, who has time for that kind of crap?”

A/N:

Hannah and Barbara being named after Hanna-Barbera will never not be funny to me.

Has something like this been done before? at first i wanted to compare the characters to music genres and bands but besides picking Kraftwerk for Constanze i've got nothing. Kinda not very really convinced how this one turned out, but still, i think is better to just publish it instead of letting it accumulate metaphorical dust in my drafts forever lol. I think I also better look for some beta readers for my next fic, i have a couple of other unfinished ideas even if I am not really sure what do…writing-wise? Guess we’ll see.

Amanda being Hannah’s gay awakening is a really cute concept. Is really growing on me!

Still, thank you for reading! Hope you all enjoyed this.

[askthiscpblog]

Kay, Katie and Ruby pls

Part 1

A dim light was all that illuminated the room that Katie was in. A room that she didn’t recognize. She had woken up not even a few minutes ago, not knowing how long she had been unconscious. Her first instinct was to get up and get out, but the minute she tried to move she realized something was stopping her. Katie was unable to move, and it only took her a second to realize it was because she’s strapped down. She pulled as hard as she could to slip out of them, but it was no use.

“Fuck….” She mumbled under her breath. She tried to look at her surroundings but between the dim lighting and her bad eye, she couldn’t see much. She had nothing else to do but lay there and contemplate what to do next.

Ruby had started to wake up soon after, a small groan escaping her lips. Her red eyes fluttered open, her vision overrun by dark spots. Once her eyes adjusted, she looked around, noticing she was in an unfamiliar place. When she tried to sit up, she noticed that she too was strapped down, which made her frown. She pulled against her restraints as she tried to remember what happened and why she was there. She lifted her head to look down at the straps holding her down. She tried to push herself up, using her arms, but it didn’t change anything, she was still strapped up. Her ears twitched, picking up a sound- breathing. She turned her head, her neck cracking a bit, because of the uncomfortable position.

Katie’s patience was wearing thin. So was her calm demeanor. She hated the fact she’s trapped, and the feeling of vulnerability. Katie didn’t care how she got there, all she knew is that she wanted out. Now. She started pulling on the straps some more, putting herself into an angry panic more and more. She continued to swear under her breath, making small threats towards whoever put her here. Her breathing was getting louder as she kept on using all her strength to get out of the straps but to no avail. She stopped struggling with a loud sigh. “Son of a bitch!” She said, almost yelling. She’s frustrated, and now her arm’s tired. All the possibilities of how this was going to end for her ran through her head, making her anxiety grow.

“Will you keep it down? I’m trying to work.” A calm male voice spoke out close by.

She froze at the sound of the voice. She was so focused on getting free that she didn’t notice anybody else was there. It wasn’t a voice that she recognized or had even heard before, but she had a feeling that he was the reason she’s strapped down.

“Let me go…” Her voice was stern. She didn’t know this person, so what could he want with her?

“Keep fighting and you’ll only going to make your head trauma worse.” Footsteps were heading her way.

“I wouldn’t be fighting if I wasn’t strapped down…” She tensed at the sound of the man getting closer. She would usually be more resistant, but something told her that she wasn’t in a good position to mock the man.

“Well, after your fight with Hoodie, and an attack going on, I’m taking precautions.” She saw a figure with a blue mask come into view and they had a black substance leaking from the eye holes looming down on her.

“How are you feeling?” He asks.

She remembered what had happened. That “Hoodie” guy had knocked her out. How he did, she couldn’t remember but all she knew now is that she didn’t like him.

“Sore…” She replied in a reluctant tone. She didn’t like complying with strangers, especially not ones that wear masks, but what else could she do at this point? Besides, he somewhat creeped her out anyway. 

“Expected. Taking a round in the head would do that even if it was rubber… oh, my manners. They call me E.J. I’m the doctor of the house…” he looked up for a second and continues, “Looks like your roommate is awake as well.” E.J. huh? At least he’s somewhat polite, something Katie didn’t encounter in people nowadays. Then she realized what he said. She looked at him, confused.

“…Roommate? I have a roommate?”

“Yes. She is an odd one. She gave Hoodie’s partner a hard time- and he is the vicious one of the two.” He walked over to check on Ruby.

Ruby had been quiet the whole time, but her heart beat fast. She closed her eyes tight and took a deep breath. When strapped down like this reminded her of her past. She couldn’t let that get to her, she had to figure out why she was here. She opened her eyes and turned her head to look at EJ. She squinted her eyes a bit, trying to get her vision to focus. A growl threatened to escape her. Ruby was quiet, her heart pounding. She took a deep, shaky breath; her chest heaved up and down. Being strapped like this did remind her of her past- it made her feel vulnerable.

Her head was a jumbled mess as she remembered what happened with Masky, which meant she wasn’t listening to their conversation. Her eyes darted towards EJ once the sound of footsteps made it to her ears. She squinted her eyes a bit, trying to get her vision to focus. E.J. was now hovering above her saying, “And how are you feeling, miss? And calm yourself. This is only a safety precaution.”

While EJ checked on that other girl, Katie laid there, trying to see her surroundings now. Like before, she couldn’t see much due to her eye, but now her eyes were more adjusted to the dark. The place seemed a little old. So, did the straps holding her down. Couldn’t be too old if they could still manage to hold down a full-grown woman, though. Also, how can this guy see what he’s doing? It’s not pitch black but, damn, it’s still hard to see. How could a doctor work in the dark?

Ruby stared up at the male, her chest still heaving up and down. Who was he to tell her to calm down, especially when she was being held down by straps?!

“I’m feeling wonderful!” she said, her voice almost coming out as a growl. Whoever he was, she didn’t trust him.

“A safety precaution for you or for me?” She asked while glaring up at him.

He responded with a simple word, and without hesitation, “Both.” He went to grab something, continuing, “You two caused quite a hassle for the duo.” He walked back to Ruby and injected something into the vein of her arm without even aiming.  She wiggled under the straps when he was about to inject her. As the needle entered her arm, a low growl escaped past her lips.

“There. That should help calm you down a bit.” He then sat the beds up. They had a better view of the room, now, and could see each other on opposite sides of the room. She continued to wiggle around, trying to get free as EJ put their beds into a sitting position. Katie looked at the other girl across the room, watching her try to get away from EJ and the needle he was holding. At least the other girl wanted out too.

“How long are we going to be here for?” Katie had stuff to do, people to get rid of. She didn’t have the time to sit around, strapped down.

He wasn’t even looking at her. “You can relax. That was only Benzodiazepines. The only reason you two are strapped is as I said. We got attacked, and I’m making sure you two are not with him.”

He seemed to hear the question and responded, “Depends on what the boss says but don’t worry. I’m sure there will still be people for both of you to kill if we let you go.” His voice had not altered in any way. It was calm…too calm as if he didn’t see them as a threat. He walked around the room, moving stuff around, not even looking. At times he stopped to tap or smell something.

Katie didn’t like this guy’s calm demeanor. The way he treats this like an everyday situation ticked her off for some reason. What made her madder was how unsettling he was. He wasn’t trying to, but the was so calm and collected gave Katie a weird feeling. She hated it.

“Working with who now?” Katie was generally confused about who he was talking about. She hadn’t worked with anybody in a while. Ruby stopped struggling, her breathing slowing down a little bit. She watched his every movement, her eyes never leaving his calm form. His reply confused her more, who was this him?

“An old rival to the boss. I’m not allowed to say his name, for he can hear it, and gains power from it. Based on your tone and heart rate, you really don’t know him… good.” He went over to her and put a cuff with a chain on Katie’s leg, then undid the straps on her body. Still not even hesitating.

“Would you like some water?” He then looks at Ruby, asking, “Would you like some too?”

“Yeah…sure….” Katie was hesitant to say yes. Sure, he was being nice, but that could change in an instant. She rubbed her wrists. They were a bit bruised from when she pulled on the straps. He got a bottle of water from a fridge nearby, as well as ointment and bandages. He then started patching up the bruises right away. Ruby pulled her legs closer to her body, glaring at him as he undid her straps. Ruby had heavy bruising by struggling so much. She didn’t reply; she didn’t trust him, so she sure as hell didn’t want water from him.

“You girls have names?”

“Katie, my name’s Katie…” She took a quick drink of water and looked at the other girl seeing if she was going to answer. She was being pretty uncooperative so far so Katie wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t answer.

She stayed silent for a few seconds, debating if she should tell him her name. 

“Its… Ruby…” she finally responded

“So, since you know we’re not working with that guy you were talking about, can we leave?” As nice as this EJ guy was, Katie still wanted to leave. She hates being cooped up in one place and being told what to do and where she could or couldn’t go. Having someone else have control over her in any form gave her anxiety.

“Like I said, not my call. You two could be sleepers for all I know.” He got up and started heading towards Ruby’s directions to treat her wounds. Her ears twitched a bit. She didn’t feel like talking much, but she was curious to know more about this him.

“Sleepers…?” She watched him walk towards her, still watching his every movement. She was much calmer now, but she was still uneasy. Especially when she was being held hostage against her will. Ruby beat her to the question. Almost every time this guy spoke a new question would come up. Once Ruby asked, Katie, looked towards EJ, awaiting an answer. After he was done, he got up, his head popping up as well. He started to leave the room.

“I’ll be back with the boss. You two hang tight.”

[writeouttaluck]

Here is a story about my friend getting hit by a bus and then haunting said bus, per her request.

(this probably has a whole lot of spelling mistakes and stuff, but thats because i didnt feel like editing it. enjoy)

Two older men sat in their chairs in front of the bus depot. From their spot, they overlooked all the buses lined up beside each other. Today was a hot one, but otherwise, it was a pretty standard day.

All of a sudden they were both alerted to the sound of a Diesel engine. They glanced at the entrance to find a bus driving in pretty fast. The front of it was covered in something red and the driver behind the wheel looked really panicky.

When the bus stopped and the engine was shut off, the driver swung open the door and nearly sprinted out of it. He ran directly for the hose and bucket outside.

One of the older men just sipped their beer and watched, the other picked up a news paper. Neither of them seemed real concerned.

The young bus driver ran back over with the bucket full of water. In a quick motion, he threw its contents onto the front of the bus and started scrubbing the area with a sponge like his life depended on it. One of the old men set down their beer on the pavement and got up from their seat. He walked over to see what the bus driver was up to.

As he got closer, he quickly realized that the red stuff on the front was not quite what he imagined. It was thick, and syrupy, and it just swirled around on the surface instead of picking up.

The bus driver caught the old man watching him and in a quick motion, he spun around and faced him. He looked terrified.

The old man was still nonchalant about all this.

“What happened?” The old man asked.

“Oh, boss, it was horrible! I-I was doing my scheduled run around the city when all of a sudden this girl just ran out of nowhere!” The bus driver could hardly get the words out, he was shaking so bad.

“Ah, ok. I dont need to hear anymore. Well shit. Its been awhile since this happened…”

“Am I going to jail?!” The bus driver asked in fear.

“What? Of course not. Go grab the pressure washer from out back and use a lot of soap. Blood doesnt come off easy.”

The bus driver stopped for a second and looked at the old man in confusion. Was he crazy?

“S-sir… that woman was killed!”

The old man shook his head.

“She either killed herself or it was natural selection...did anyone see you?” He asked.

“I uh….I dont think so?”

“Great,” the old man started, “clean your bus and continue your run.”

…

It took longer than expected for Terry, the bus driver, to clean his issued vehicle. It was about an hour and a half washing job, and he was still pretty shaken up over it. He just couldnt get the image out of his head.

Like any other morning, Terry drove his bus down down hill to meet his first stop. It was a pretty quiet stop as not many people really used it. most people that lived in that area either drove or walked to work and other places. The bus just wasnt needed as much. Even though the stop seemed to be pretty empty, he figured he would stop there just incase someone was right by or running late. It happened sometimes.

What didnt usually happen though, was someone running into the street. Terry’s heart sank as he watched this small woman run directly in his line of drive. He slammed on the brakes though he knew he wouldnt be able to stop in time.

Everything slowed down as he watched the girl. She looked up at him from the road and smiled wide. She even moved her arms outwards like she was about to hug someone before it happened.

The bus hit her and her body flew out to the sidewalk, a crumpled heap of nothing. Blood had exploded all over his windsheild.

“O-Oh my god!” he yelled.

He knew that if he stuck around that he would get in trouble so he did what all people do when theyre scared and ran. He drove down the rest of the way and made a beeline for the bus depot.

The whole drive there he was gagging and crying and shaking and pretty much having a breakdown.

“W-what the fuck! What the FUCK!”

He shook his head and decided that before he went back to work that he was gonna get a cup of coffee. He hopped off his bus once more and went inside the building for the bus depot. The old man sat back and was doing something on the company computer. He looked away from the screen and watched Terry walk across to the coffee maker.

“Be careful about the coffee maker today. Its been a lot hotter than usual today. I think somethings wrong with it.”

“Yeah, sure” Terry responded.

Terry drank a lot of coffee so he was sure that it wasnt that bad. He grabbed a syrofoam cup and poured his coffee in before stiring in some suger and popping a lid on. He grabbed the coffee and actually started to feel the heat through the cup. It burned his hand a bit. Damn, maybe the old man was right. He wrapped some napkins around the cup before picking it up again. As he turned to walk out, he faced the old man.

“Well! Back to work!” He said sounding exhausted already.

The old man chuckled a bit.

“You will do fine, kid”

…

Terry was back in his bus and driving to his scheduled spots. He had the hot coffee sitting in his cupholder with the tab up so it could cool off. If it was too hot to touch, it was probably too hot to drink.

He went to stop on another hill across town. He slowed down before his brakes shuddered and his cup holder that extended outwards, broke free. Terry flinched as he expected boiling hot liquid to burst into his lap. But when non came, he glanced at the cup holder.

It had broke away completely. But his coffee cup and the napkins wrapped around it, stayed levitating in place.

He looked at it in wonder, trying to figure how tf his coffee was floating.

All of a sudden, he felt a cold chill run down his spine and he shivered. He grabbed the coffee cup out of the air. And like that, the cold went away.

Terry spoke out loud to himself.

“Well that was fuckin weird…”

…

Later on in the day, he was driving his bus with a few passengers scattered throughout. There was an old lady, a mother with her kid, and a teenage boy with his hood up listening to his headphones.

It was rush hour now and the streets were pretty busy. Terry was already behind schedule, but he had been rushing to make up for it all day. He even cut a few corners and took side streets when he could.

At the moment, he was speeding up the street. Not too fast, but not exactly safe either. He was going about 50 when a big pick up truck pulled out of an alleyway and right in front of him. In a panic, Terry swung the wheel to the left in an attempt to avoid an accident. As he started left, a car in the left lane beside him was almost shoved off the road and into a high curb. He quickly realized that there was no way out of this when he felt the cold again.

The wheel was yanked out of his grip and his first thought was that he had lost his power steering.

However, as he fought the steering wheel that seemed to be steering itself, the bus swung around the pick up and past the car beside him in a near miss of a maneuver.

When the bus straightened out, the cold faded away and he regained control of the steering wheel.

Once he realized that everything was fine, he looked in his overhead mirror to check on his passengers.

“Is everybody alright?”He yelled to the back.

The mom, while she looked a bit frightened, nodded her head quickly while the old lady just smiled. The teenager in the back didnt appear to realize what had just happened at all.

Terry let out a sigh of relief and kept on his way, making sure to stay the speed limit.

…

This was the part that Terry always hated about his job. The last stop was near a really bad neighborhood and, considering he was about an hour behind, it was now dark outside. He gave out a long sigh and drove through the area. Cars sat on cinderblocks, garbage fires raged about in the alleyways. Most of the streetlights had that old, orange glow to them. Most of them flickered.

The bus stop was right ahead and Terry noticed a group of young gentlemen sitting on by, watching him pull up intently. Something about the way they watched him come to a stop unsettled Terry. He didnt have a great feeling about this.

He stopped the bus and opened the door and the gentlemen climbed on. However, instead of moving to a seat, they stopped up near Terry.

Before he could say anything, one of them whipped out a large knife and aimed at him.

“Close the door and drive, fat man”

Terry, feeling now obligated to follow the mans request now that there was a large sharp object aimed at his neck, did exactly as he was told. As soon as the bus started moving again, One of the men moved to the money box and tried opening it.

“Hey bus man, open yo fuckin box here”

Terry now started sweating as he realized he cant.

“Uh, S-sorry fellas! I cant do that. Its locked and the only key for it is at the depot.” He spoke trying to keep his eyes on the road.

“Bullshit!” the 3rd man in the back said.

The guy with the knife tapped the blade on the box.

“Open this box, before i open you.”

Thats when Terry felt a cold chill for the 3rd time today. Only this time, It seemed to be coming from the door instead.

The blade in the mans hand suddenly bent itself all the way to the left, before snapping off completley and skating towards the back of the bus.

“What the fuck?” the Criminal said.

“Im tired of fucking around!” the 2nd one said. He drew his gun and aimed it at the lock box before he felt something hit his wrist hard.

“Fuck!!” he yelled in pain as he dropped his pistol.

The third man watched as all of this continued while he stood against the door, still on the stairs.

The door whipped open and he felt something grab his tank top from behind. He was suddenly thrown from the moving bus. The other two men turned to look at what was happening before the bus braked hard. The two men were thrown against the glass of the windsheild. Then, the gas got stomped down and the two men were flung into the metal bars behind them, getting knocked out cold.

They slumped to the floor of the bus.

Terry watched as they were flung out of the bus like their friend before. The doors slammed shut behind them.

At this, Terry wanted to know what the fuck was going on with his bus.

He drove up ahead a bit before pulling into an alleyway and stopping. He stood out of his seat and flipped on the overhead lights.

“Ok, What the fuck is going on here”

He felt like an idiot when he got no immediate response.

“I know theres something here. Dont play dumb with me. Ill have this fucking bus scrapped!”

Again, no response.

Terry was about to give up and drive back to the depot when a mysterious fog formed from nothing in his bus. The temperature dropped drastically. It wasn't just a cold chill, it was freezing.

The windows fogged over, blocking his sight to the outside world. He started rubbing his shoulders as he began to regret his thirst for knowledge.

A large puff of smoke plumed from the back of the bus and a figure moved through it.

Terry was one step from attempting a jump out of his windshield before he gave the figure a closer look.

The figure was the girl from this morning! The one that ran into his bus!

“Ayyy, what it do.” She spoke waving off the fog with her spector hand.

“Its fucking smokey in here, what is up with that”

Terry felt a mixture of fear and confusion at the sight before him.

“Y-y-youre t-t-t-that g-girl-!”

She cut him off real quick.

“Yeah, heh, sorry about that. I didnt realize what kind of mess my body would leave like that”

Terry was 90% sure at this point that he had finally lost his marbles.

“Anyways,” She continued on, “Im a ghost now, and since you were able to help me end my shitty existence like that, I want to help you”

Terry gained a bit of confidence at these words, for whatever reason.

“Help me with what?” He inquired.

“With your job, dude!”

Terry stood for a moment and thought about it.

“So let me get this straight, You want to help me with my job because you were able to kill yourself using my bus? Is that right?”

The ghost, unnecessarily leaned her shoulder on one of the metal poles in the bus.

“Yeah, thats pretty much it.”

“Huh...:” Terry thought aloud.

They both sat in silence for a minute before Terry shook his head.

“Wait, wait a second. How do i know youre really a ghost and that this isnt just some wild guilt hallucination?”

To answer Terry’s question, The ghost walked forward and moved straight through Him. Terry grabbed onto his own body and twisted in horror before The ghost walked back through the same way.

“Alright! I believe you! Enough of that!” He yelled.

“So, we got a deal?” The ghost asked as she raised her hand up to him in proposition.

He grabbed her hand, somehow and shook it.

“Whats your name, anyways?” Terry asked the spector.

“Jada” the ghost responded.

[chatnoirismycinnamonroll]

Storytime

Ok, so I had to wake up early Friday morning to go to work. I had to go in at 8 am, and had woken up at 5:30 since my siblings have to get ready to catch their school bus. I woke up, woke them up, and decided to help my sister get ready for school. It was 6:30 by the time they left for school. But, instead of staying awake, I decided to go right back to sleep.

And the dream I had was...weird.

Ok, so my dream starts off with my coworker and I having to drive this white delivery truck somewhere to deliver a package, which isnt in any way part of our job description so I knew I was dreaming. I'm driving, and I realize we are driving down a familiar road. I'm like, ok, cool. Imma enjoy the scenery. But then I take a right turn and, suddenly, I'm driving down the beach. Even dream me was like, "What the fuck? This road doesnt lead to the fucking beach. How the fuck?"

But my coworker, Doña Ana, told me to just keep driving. So, naturally, I did. I'm driving down the sand, trying to avoid running over people before I realize theres no way someone is actually going to die becuase they're all magically moving out of the way. Great.

For some reason, once we reach the delivery destination, which was some kind of weird loading dock with its OWN GODDAMN POSTAL SERVICE, HELLO, I DIDNT NEED TO DRIVE ALL THE WAY OUT HERE THIS IS BULLSHIT. Anyway, for some reason I had parked my little delivery truck behind some other white freightliners, or eighteen-wheelers, and I couldnt find it. So I'm walking around the beach, like an idiot, and I literally turn a full circle and walk back towards the loading dock and, suddenly, it's like I knew where my truck was the whole time.

I get in and start driving back. I take the same route, but it suddenly turns into this narrow road with a Canal on both sides, with steep sides leading down into a watery death. And we pass this neighborhood, and theres this little girl on the road. At first I was going to drive past because little girl on the road? In the middle of the night? Yeah, I'm noping the fuck out fo that situation.

But Doña Ana told me to move the girl. So I jump off and tell the girl to move back. She looks at the canal and says shes going to fall in. So I gently push her back towards her neighborhood where she just stands at the entrance, looking so sad and lost, and she looks up at me and says, "I dont want to walk home alone. Can you walk me home?" And I know I shouldn't, but I do anyway. I'm a sucker for kids, but as I'm walking her home I'm thinking, "She seems nice. I wish Sammy (my little sister) were here. They'd be great friends."

And suddenly, my sister is right there with me. And, sure enough, the girls hit it off. They decide on an impromptu playdate. And I'm like, yeah ok. I look back, and the canal is gone, it's like not there and suddenly we are just in the middle of a suburban neighborhood. Huh. Ok.

And for some reason, my sister and I enter this little girl's house in, like, one fo those little toy cars? The ones you can drive around in as a kid? And we are playing with this girl and driving around her fucking house like this and, sure enough, we break something. Cue the mother coming in, seeing me in the toy car, and telling us to fuck off. "Thank you for bringing my daughter home, but get the fuck out of my house."

"Wow, okay lady. I'm sorry for the mess we made, but it was a pleasure meeting you."

"Yeah, whatever, get out of my house."

So we leave. The delivery truck is parked outside on a curb and suddenly my mom is there because its night and my sister and I werent home and we need to get home NOW becuase Sammy has cheer practice in the morning. The truck has wide seats, those where you can sit three people in the front and like an opened space in the back. No seats, so my little sister and this random dude with his baby had to sit on the floor, hiding because we didnt want the cops to pull us over for not having a seat belt.

BUT DOÑA ANA DOESNT BELIEVE IN SEAT BELTS. And I told her to let me drive, but my mom had said no and Doña Ana isnt the the best driver so, as we are pulling out fo the neighborhood, Doña Ana backs up into a mailbox. And in that neighborhood there was a cop patrolling. And he saw her. And stopped us just outside the nieghborhood.

I suddenly remember I did not have my seatbelts on, so I put it on. We're all tense cus the people in the back dont have seats, let alone seatbelts, Doña Ana doesnt have a driver's license, and I didnt have my purse becuase I left it at my workplace. She gets told to get out of the car.

Now here is where it gets fucked up.

I'm looking out the driver's window, enjoying the view of the clouds. They seem big and fluffy, and a bit dark...actually, are those funnels?

There are three funnels in the sky. Tornadoes. Not one, not two, but three. And they're starting to merge together. The wind is picking up, and I see a blast of air rushing towards us in the distance.

"Mom, holy shit are you seeing this?"

"Pfft. It's not a tornado."

I see the wind picking up cars and blowing them aside as it approaches us.

"Those things dont happen so far down in Texas."

It blows a helicopter out of the sky and blows it towards our truck. The blades are still running and, as they approach the driver's window, they get closer to eye level.

"Nothing is going to happen."

My eyes widen, and I duck. The blades cross exactly where my head had been, and I'm glad my sister and the dude and the baby were laying on the floor of the truck because they lived. The whole top half is gone and I'm relieved that we are alive.

.

.

.

...Until I hear a gurgling sound beside me. And I turn...

And my mother's neck is bleeding. She is holding her neck, and I know exactly what happened when she turns to look at me, her eyes wide with panic, blood gushing down her shirt as she tries to form words. I utter my denials as I reach for her, trying to hold her head to her neck and having to flounder because my mom's head is in my hands and it's such an awkward weight and oh my god I'm holding my mother's severed head.

And I scream. And my mom's body leans out the hole where the passenger door was and she falls onto the grass outside, and her severed head falls above it, refusing to stick back together, staying separate and somehow she is still holding on to life just long enough for her to tell me to "Take Sammy home. Keep her safe."

And I scream again becuase I cant do that and my mother just had her head cut off my a helicopter's blades and I cant leave her body there but I have to because I cant just take my mother's body along with me, especially with my sister in the backseat.

So I start to drive away, sobbing, not believing what has happened. And my body goes numb. My foot moves off from the pedal and the truck slows to a stop. My sister is screaming at me to go. My mother's echo is telling me to go. Why arent you moving? Why arent you listening to me?

But I cant feel a thing. My mind is stuck on the weight of my mother's severed head. On that feeling when my relief turned to horror with a single sound. On the anger I briefly felt as I realized my mother has no survival skills since she didnt duck when I did. On a single thought that said, "Let this be a dream. Please, let this be a dream. Wake up, wake up wake UP!"

I'd never been happier than when my eyes snapped open on Friday morning, March 8, at 7:29 am. I'd never been happier to know I just had a nightmare.

[donghyxns]

serial killer! au | donghyun (2)

part 1 of this crazy ass au

mentions of suicide and the ending sucks ass sorry man

you couldnt get him out of your mind for a solid 2 weeks after you met him

lowkey you wanted to smack yourself for actually kIND OF LIKING A SERIAL KILLER???

f off m8

after weeks and weeks (more like a couple of days lmao) of deliberating

you decided to walk down the path at 2:00 AM again

just in case he was there you know

you walked past the placed you first met him and heard grunting again

your heartbeat started to go wild

“jesus, i cant believe im doing this”

you walk down the hill, a smile lingering on your face

he was there digging a hole with a shovel and a dead body laying next to him

“hey, mr. serial killer” 

HE WAS SHOOK BC HE ACTUALLY FUCKING SCREAMED IT WAS FUNNY AND CUTE ALL AT THE SAME TIME

“oh, its just you” his hand was resting on his wildly beating heart

you nod your head, sitting down on the ground

“continue doing your work, i just need to be in the presence of somebody today”

he smiles down at you, taking off his jacket, “the ground is dirty... sit on my jacket instead”

HE WAS SO GENTLEMANLY FOR A FUCKING SERIAL KILLER WHAT

he continues to dig the hole and finally he throws the girl in there

he starts to fill the hole up once again but stops turning towards you

“hey, _____.... this may sound a bit weird but i kind of need a ‘partner in crime’.... do you think you could help me out with that?”

um what

you open your mouth to say something but then close it immediately after

he sighs, running his hand through his hair, “you know, it was a stupid request anyway... im sorry-”

“no,” he looks over at you, “i’ll do it”

-

and that is how you became donghyuns side kick

he lived in a big ass apartment because apparently his dad was like a politician and his mom a top rated surgeon????

ok

so they paid for college and his apartment so he didnt need a job or anything

you found out that hes actually really good at singing and playing the guitar and he's studying music theory in college

now back to you being his side kick

you dont do any of the killing or torturing???

you just kinda lure the victims in by becoming their friend and inviting them over

and then it is in donghyuns hands

you can always hear the victims screaming and crying out in pain from the torture room

the first couple of times it made you cry and shaky but after the 6th or 7th time you really didnt care that much

you just watched movies while it happened or worked on college work

after killing the victim, donghyun would always come into your room all bloody and shit

he would have a big smile on his face and come over to kiss you on the forehead

“i’m leaving now... i made you some food just heat it up whenever you feel like you are hungry”

it confused you so much

clearly you had a huge crush on donghyun

but who knew if he had a crush on you

it would keep you up until 4 am 

you would think about how disappointed your parents and friends would be if they knew you were in love and living with a serial killer

they would all probably stop talking to you all together

you just had to make sure they would never figure it out

it was all good for a couple of weeks

you would get victims, donghyun would torture and kill them, and then he would get rid of the bodies

each day you found yourself falling for donghyun more and more 

he would sing you to sleep if you couldnt fall asleep

he would pet your hair too

he would make your dinner and the two of you would eat it together

the both of you would always go see movies together

it was like you were dating but without the official title

but then one day that all came crashing down

donghyun had left to go dispose of a body which was usually an all night process

you were casually watching running man on the TV and then BOOM he bursts through the apartment door

sweat running down his face and panic plastered on his expression

“donghyun?” you ask but he just walks over to you, pulling you off the couch harshly and dragging you to the room

“we need to leave, like now!” he yells, clearly upset and uncomfortable

he starts throwing your clothes in bags and throwing his clothes in bags and throwing all kinds of toiletries in the bag

“what the fuck happened?” you follow him around

he stops in the kitchen, his hands gripping the marble counters so hard his knuckles were white

his chest was rising and falling rapidly

“someone.... fucking caught me! they tipped me off to the police... jesus fucking christ!” he hits the counter

well shit

your body goes numb but you try to think logically about it

shit you were probably going to be thrown in prison for the rest of your life

“we need to leave, right now” 

-

the two of you camped out at multiple different locations

and since the person only knew donghyun by physical appearance you decided it was best to change your physical appearance

donghyun went from brown hair to a blondish- orange color and he worked out more often, buffing up a bit

honestly,,,, it was hot LMAO

but you couldnt help but feel scared at almost every moment of the day

the only time you felt okay about everything was when donghyun took your face in his hands and told you, “everything will be okay”

the days went by so slow

you and donghyun would just sit on the hotel rooms couch on watch the TV mindlessly

waiting for something to happen

it was like the two of you knew you were fucked bc every time you turned on the tv

pictures of the both of you showed up

they figured out that you were his sidekick bc of how much time you spent with donghyun and when he was gone you were also gone

one day the wait was over

you were sitting on the couch, hand in hand with donghyun

then suddenly, your hotel room door just flew open

the both of you didnt even flinch

it was kind of obvious it was going to happen

you were watching the live news coverage as it was happening lmao

donghyun looks over at you with those eyes

you know what im talking about

and you nod

“dont move!” you hear the police scream but you still stand up mindlessly

you heard several gunshots come from donghyuns end

honestly you were so zoned out you didnt know what the fuck was happening

your ears were ringing like crazy and your legs were on autopilot

you felt donghyun hand on your arm as the two of you went out to the balcony

the last thing you remember was your hair whipping in the cool breeze as sounds of helicopters surrounded the hotel above you

donghyun gave you a large smile, “i love you...”

then the two of you jumped

UMMMMM THIS IS SHIT WTF IM SORRY IDK HOW I WAS SUPPOSED TO END THISLMAO

[justa-mysticmess]

i couldnt find your rules but i hope this is okay! I'd like to see some Seven/MC ft. Saeran domestic headcanons, perhaps in preparation for the twins' birthday?? Thank you!!

hello dear :) thank you for being my first prompt, and i apologize for not having a rules page yet. it’s just, i couldn’t decide what to put there yet x3 also! i think i got kind of carried away with this because the request is just! so ! cute! so i really hope you like it and are not put off too much ^^;;

seven/mc ft saeran

mc wakes up to the sounds of seven giggling softly in the middle of the night

it’s honestly sort of creepy at first because 1) in the silence of the night it reminds mc about that story where a person wakes up to the sounds of a baby laughing. only thing is that they live alone and have no baby, 2)because seven’s glasses are glowing in the light from his screen 

but knowing seven the way mc does now, they push away those thoughts no more late night creepy pastas! and snake an arm under the covers to lightly pinch the redhead’s thigh

queue a loud yelp and seven’s phone dropping into his lap

seven whines about mc being a meanie and that they have to make up to his throbbing thigh now

mc ignores because seriously seven with the pressure mc applied it should not throb! and proceeds to ask what plan he was devising to mess with some poor soul this time

seven immediately starts explaining in frenzied whispers that nooo mc i would never ruin this person’s life  

why exactly couldn’t he do that?? because mc! it’s saeran’s birthday next week and i’m planning so much for him!

mc sits up because hell yesss! it will be saeran’s first birthday they will celebrate together so they will have so much planning to do!

seven sometimes has to remind them to quiet down some because saeran is just a across the hallway and it wouldn’t do if he happens to hear what they’re planning too early

saeran is honestly annoyed the entire week because

it’s one thing to learn to try to peacefully coexist with your previously estranged twin who you had been brainwashed to hate for most of your life and to try to open up to him again

and to have to deal with his s/o  who he had a hand in pushing into saeyoung’s life in the first place

and it had been going fine. he didn’t love it . but he was getting used to it. to them

but thEN! they had to suddenly start acting so weird like

they’d be talking excitedly but when saeran would walk into the room they would immediately hush up and change the topic

they thought they were sneaky but saeran was no fool

admittedly saeyoung hand managed to confuse him a couple times when he confronted them about their behavior into thinking that 1)he was imagining things or 2)they really had been talking about how many cats they wanted to keep and who gets to name them

but he realized soon enough that no! that idiot brother of his had lied! 

he was actually tempted to plan something out and beat the crap out of him for lying to him, when he had promised he would never hide anything again

but mc conveniently kept inviting someone or another from the damn rfa every time he was thiissss close to losing it 

and they had perfect timing too, always coming in and telling saeran they needed to do this or that with him and he honestly did not believe that glasses lady really wanted his advice on which zen merch to buy

it came as a surprise when mc didn’t invite anyone from the rfa but convinced saeyoung and saeran to go buy her this bag from a shop they had had their eyes on for too long and to get groceries on the way. 

it was shocking to him because he was sure saeyoung had been avoiding him for the past three days at least

his temper went down and he was finding it hard to stay mad at them because it was one thing to think that his brother was going to leave him again

but it was totally another when he hung out with you all day not just one day, but four days in a row! they went arcading, and to the movies and even mc joined them one day, taking them to an accessories store they really liked and saeran felt the need to hug them when they said that the shop reminded them of him because he had such a cool interest in accessories. of course he did not hug. he was not that close to mc yet

the morning of june 11 was slow. he felt so well rested. like he slept longer than usual.  seven rolled over to face the side table with his phone on it

only to fall out of bed in his hurry to scramble out of the sheets with a horrified yell

because god fucking damn it how had his, 707, hacker god’s alarm had not gone off?! he was so late!

waking mc was important!

and pointless because the traitor was long gone apparently. the cold sheets on their side of the bed were a testament. why had mc not woken him up?!

as if on queue, the door opened and mc came in, telling him to get showered and come down quickly

they left before seven could ask why they hadn’t woken him up early

he was halfway down the stairs when saeran came out of his room, also showered and dressed in what mc had probably lain out for him, just like for seven. 

they went down together and the lack of decorations didn’t surprise seven. he knew it was part of the plan.

saeran made for the kitchen but seven told him not to bother because they woke up so late mc probably ordered take out and that they should probably watch some tv

he was not ready for cheer that resounded throughout the place the moment they stepped in. all the rfa where there, with a huge cake and. so . much. food courtesy of yoosung xD and they were all dressed up and were singing a happy birthday song. for both of them

mc was grinning so wide they had to stop singing and they wrapped saeran and seven in a big hug

seven was still so confused and mc smacked him lightly over the head and scoffed that he was obviously not the genius he claimed to be because how could he think mc would not celebrate his birthday when they planned his twin’s birthday together

seeing the surprise on saeran’s face told him exactly how satisfied and happy mc felt after having seen the surprise on his own face just now too

the rest of the day was going to be amazing

because what better way to celebrate your birthday than to be with people you care about and actually do things you normally don’t have time for

and if mc had added more surprises along the day into the plans they made with seven, they were not going to spoil it just yet

[ravage-my-mind]

26-11-2018: Our Story, My Words

I still remember everything so clearly. That one evening I decided to scroll through my Tumblr activity and there I saw your follow. I decided to check you out and found out that you weren’t too bad looking. Your blog wasn’t exactly my taste, but I was like “what the hell, let’s just follow her”. After that, I decided to shoot a message. Why I did that? I don’t know. I just felt like sending you a message, expecting to just exchange a message or 3 and then never hear from you again. But that wasn’t the case. Since we started chatting, we kinda never stopped. I decided to give you my number at the end of our Tumblr convo, because I felt like you were easy and fun to talk to (and yeah, you’re hot so that’s just a nice convenience). On one friday, you randomly brought up that we could videochat. I was scared, cause well, I’m not that good with strangers and talking (weird how things change, huh?), but I was like “what the hell, let’s just do it”. You had a late shift, so you came home around 11, I think. I skyped with my best friend earlier on that day to test if everything worked and to soothe my nerves. And then the moment came: The webcams went on. The moment you appeared on my screen, you smiled and I could feel my heart drop. I felt something. We talked and talked. I don’t even know what we were talking about, but everything was exciting. At some point, you said “but Joyce, we can also meet up”. Without hesitation, I said “yes”. I had to meet you. I wanted to meet you.  A couple of days to a week or something went by and then, it was the 3rd of May, 2016. You were going to pick me up when you got off work and we were going out for dinner. I don’t think I’ve ever been that nervous. Hours went by and I waited and waited and there you were. The doorbell rang. I opened and I was just speechless. It felt like “oh finally, there you are”. I felt this instant connection when I looked at you and boy, I got scared. You greeted me with a hug, I said bye to my mom, brother and dog and off we went. In the car, you were talking about your job and that you were going to work out of the country and I just loved listening to you. The way you talked was captivating. We arrived at the restaurant and got to sit in a cute booth. Of course, we talked. Again, I can’t remember what we talked about, but everything was exciting. Talking to you and being in your presence was exciting. At some point we were playing around and I think we were joking around about kissing and I said “come and get it”, to which you replied “bring it’. Without hesitation, I decided to kiss you. It felt like our souls intwined. There was an undeniable connection and chemistry I felt from that kiss. It was almost like magic. Your lips on mine. That was all I needed to feel. Hours went by and I think right before the restaurant closed, you brought me home. The drive to my house went by so fast, yet so slow. You were holding my hand and things just felt right. Like, really right. When we arrived, you walked me to my door and we shared an amazing kiss again. We said bye, you grabbed my ass and I walked inside.  A couple of weeks went by in which we hung out a couple of times and then we were going out with your friends. I was really excited about meeting your friends, even though my social anxiety kinda kicked in. We had kind of a pre party and everything was fun, but people kept asking if we were “official” yet and it started to bug me. Although I wanted to take things slow, I kinda really wanted to be your girlfriend, because I knew I didn’t want anyone else. We kinda had a situation about it, but things calmed down. Then we went out. It was the first time we went out and I remember having such a great time. Your friends were awesome and I got to dance with you. I always loved dancing with you. At some point, I just decided to drop the question. I asked you to be my girlfriend. You said yes and I couldn’t be any happier. It felt like I found a long lost treasure. Like I won the lottery. This part of the story is kinda funny, kinda sad. The day after, we were talking about it and you suddenly felt uncomfortable by the way the question got asked. Like in a club, we had a couple of beers. You didn’t want that to be the way we got “official”. I was upset, but I was like okay, then we’ll plan a better moment. Out of pettiness and hurt, I thought “you should be the one to ask now though, no way I’m going to ask and get denied again”. A couple of days went by and then, it was the 22nd of March, 2016. We were laying in bed and you were kinda fumbly and moving around a lot. Suddenly you asked how late it was. It was a little over 00:00, I think. Then the moment came. You said a couple of sweet things and asked me to be your girlfriend. Of course, I said yes. So now finally, it was for real. We were officially girlfriend and girlfriend. And so our journey began. The beginning of our relationship was unreal. It felt like I was living a dream. The more time we spent together, the more beautiful you got and the more I loved you. Sure, we were different and I may roll eyes at some stuff you do, but even that, I loved. We complemented each other and helped each other get through things. It felt like we learned how to love again and most importantly: how it felt to be loved. Your love started healing certain places and from very early on, I knew I wanted to be with you for the rest of my life. There was just something about you, about our connection, that was so special and so rare. It was real. It felt real. I felt safe with you. You were the absolute best thing that could’ve happened to me and I decided to do whatever it takes to make you and keep you happy.  But at some points, our ways started to collide. We were both busy healing ourselves while working out our differences. Our way of communicating and interpreting are very different. You want to get close where I need my distance. You want to talk where I need silence. You want to solve things while I rather analyze. That’s where things started to crumble. But our love for each other was the glue that kept everything together. No matter what we went through, I would always want to lay in your arms at the end of the day.  The last year of our relationship was hard. Fights got more intense and hard. Finding a way back to each other got harder. But we still had our love for each other. The way we enjoyed making memories together and knowing your favorite person is there to experience things with you. Our vacations are precious memories I will always cherish. Especially our last vacation. Just the vibe, the things we did. Just sitting at a random place drinking beers and raki and having good talks. Because, like I said, we never stopped talking. We could always find things to talk about. We had so much fun together and I will cherish that forever.  Then we moved in together. That’s where everything really started to crumble. The first week was amazing. We were on cloud nine and we were excited. But suddenly I got hit by this wave of “uh oh, what now?”. I didn’t have a job and the ones I applied to didn’t have a positive outcome. I got frustrated. That, with the stress of new things. A new place. New routines. New responsibilities. Then my therapy started. I was confronted with a lot of things and I was poked in a lot of painful places. I started feeling unsteady. You were able to handle most of it though. Then I finally got a job. 32 hours a week in a pet store. I mean, it couldn’t get any better. But that adventure ended in 2 months, because, well that’s not really relevant to our story. I was back at square one. I was exhausted from going from adapting to my work weeks to having nothing anymore. I sunk deeper and deeper and then you got frustrated. You couldn’t handle things anymore. You wanted to help, but you couldnt. I could feel our flame die and there was nothing I could do, because I was empty. It felt like everything slipped through my hands.It was all my own fault and I can’t do anything right. You got more frustrated from helplessness and one day, I just collapsed. I broke down. I cried, I cried. All I could think was “I’m going to end it”. I was done with trying. I was empty. I had nothing left to give and I couldn’t bear the thought of our relationship failing. I was so sure of you and suddenly, I didn’t know anymore. I convinced myself I couldn’t live without you, so I wanted to die. And no, I’m not gonna say that in a romanticized or soft way. I wanted to die. I decided to call my therapists to schedule an appointment for antidepressants. That was my last option. I told myself “okay fine, but at least try this so you can say you tried everything”. But even that wasn’t enough. You kinda made me move back in with my mother, because you needed rest. You couldn’t “take care of me” anymore. That’s what confirmed the things I thought about myself. “I’m hard to love”. “I fuck everything up”. “See, even she doesn’t want you anymore”. I felt powerless. We went from seeing each other every day to seeing each other 2 days a week. I had a hard time adjusting, but after a while I was fine with it, because I had some time to myself too now. I was starting to feel better thanks to the meds and I thought “okay, we got this!”. But this one week, we had a small argument about something. It got resolved quite quickly. A couple of days went by and then we were hanging out again. It was a wednesday. We watched a movie, ordered hotwings and we cuddled. We just had a great evening together and the next day, I went home. We saw each other for a couple of minutes before I left. We kissed goodbye and said our “I love you”s.  Then friday came. I was at home and I just started streaming, because I had a good day and felt like streaming. About half an hour into my stream, I saw your text. “Baby, can you please come over?” to which I replied something like uh sure, what’s up? You had an anxiety attack and you told me you just wanted to talk and cuddle. So I went over to your place, packed some clothes just in case. You started crying as soon as I walked through the door and reached for me. I sat down next to you on the couch and started hugging you and I gave you a kiss on your cheek. That’s where I felt like this really wasn’t good. You looked at me with tears in your eyes and you said “I can’t do this anymore”. That’s when it hit me: you were breaking up with me. Even though my world shattered, I felt this wave of calmness go over me. I was devastated though. My heart was completely broken. We talked for a bit and cuddled for a bit, but you made your decision: you didn’t want to be with me anymore. You were done with trying. You were done with me. Just the thought of having to let you go was unbearable. Something I thought wouldn’t have an expiration date just ended. Soon, we wouldn’t be part of each others lives anymore.  You offered to drive me home and to tell this dashing news to my mom together (even though I already texted her), but you wanted to say her goodbye in person and thank her. We packed a lot of my stuff and we went back to my house. We sat down for a bit with my mom and talked and she was really sweet about it. Then the real moment came: I had to figure out what to do now. I was down at the bottom and I had to get back up, but now, I was on my own. My dumb ass still forgot some stuff at your place, so we had another meetup scheduled after your vacation. I was dreading it. I kinda didn’t want to see you, because I didn’t want it to end. But as days went by, I started adapting to life without you. I had a huge support system and I am thankful for my friends for listening to all my rambling and crying and helping me through. I think, because I already processed a lot of pain in the relationship, it didn’t hit as hard. Or well, it didn’t linger. I picked myself back up and met a load of new people. I decided to just put myself on those tacky dating sites, because why the hell not and day by day, I started feeling more free.  Then I started realizing things. The impact the relationship had on me. The effect you had on me. The fact that being in the relationship made me want to kill myself. I keep analyzing and analyzing and it keeps me busy every day still. Every day I almost relive things that happened between us and it’s pure hell. It’s not like you’re a bad person, but you were a bad person for me and to me sometimes. You mentioned that you were scared I’d think of you as “one of them” and sadly, you became one of them. I was so utterly and completely in love with you, but this love made me blind to all the red flags that popped up. Or well, I did see them, but I chose to ignore them. I believed in you. I believed in us. I believed in myself. I wanted us to make it, because I couldn’t picture myself loving anyone but you. You were my everything. Even when things were shitty. Even when we were fighting. Just the fact that I had you was good enough for me and I believed our love was strong enough. But it wasn’t. Do you know how painful it is to slowly watch the love of your life giving up on you? Do you know how heartbreaking and devastating it is to watch the one you love slowly fading away? I tried to stay positive and it completely ruined me. Now I came down from that cloud I was sitting on, I see that you were in fact the one that ruined me. The constant pressure you put on me. The less you started to support me and the more you got frustrated with me. You were stuck in your own bubble and you wanted me to get in that bubble too, but I couldnt. You no longer had your patience with my different ways. You wanted to get things done. Fast. You had this picture in your head and you wanted things to be that way. Really fucking fast. But you moved at a pace I couldn’t keep up with and I tried. I tried, I tried, I tried. My legs were tired from running, but no matter how many sprints I took: it was never enough. For me, the last 8 months were a living hell. I spent most of our relationship proving myself to you, but the last 8 months were absolutely messed up. No matter what I did, it wasn’t good enough for you. You couldn’t wait anymore. I needed time. I needed space, but you couldn’t provide that. I did everything I could and more and it still wasn’t enough and it made me believe I was worthless. Or well, you made me believe I was worthless. One day we sat down and you told me that the only thing that kept us together was the love we had for each other. You told me you couldn’t handle how I did things anymore and that was a breaking point for me. I think that was where I slowly began to realize “this is going to end”. But still, I fought and tried to prove that my words weren’t just words. But it wasn’t enough. And now that I look back at everything: I was never enough for you. And now, I’m stuck here being fucking angry with everything that happened. Everything you put me through. All the words you put in my head. The constant doubt. The constant frustration. I can’t even feel like shit without feeling like I’m bothering someone, even when I’m completely on my own. I was in your way. My pain. My tears. My anxiety. My fears. Everything was in your way. You made me believe you could handle it, but every time I decided to trust you, you just dropped me. There was times you could handle it, but overall, you took everything personal and I was the one ending up saying sorry for hurting you, even though I was the one that was in pain. I took a lot of hits from you. Too many, in fact, but I took them. I picked my fights and knew when to pick love over being right and pushing through. You couldn’t. You couldn’t let things go. You could never find peace and I was your punching bag, cause you knew I would just swallow everything. The times I sat there, taking hit after hit while biting my tongue to make things not escalate, cause I knew that you wouldn’t like it if I spoke up. I didn’t want to fight with you, so I decided to not say anything and now, I’m stuck here with all these words and anger that are meant for you. You didn’t deserve my silence. You didn’t deserve my softness. You didn’t deserve my patience. You didn’t deserve my forgiveness and you still don’t. I could never, ever forgive you for dragging me down and making me feel so, so, so incredibly empty. You got away with murder and from the stories I heard about your previous relationship: you have a way of doing things that can make someone feel so utterly helpless and useless. Maybe it’s time to look in the mirror and confront yourself with the piece if shit you sometimes are. How toxic you are. How incredibly harsh you sometimes are. Maybe it’s time to realize that you’re the problem sometimes. I deserved more apologies than I ever got, but to be honest, no amount of apologies, hugs and kisses could fix the damage you did to me. I am terrified of falling in love again, cause you’ve taught me that even the most heartfelt “I love you”s could mean that someone will leave you. And yeah, of course that can happen, but you made me believe I was going to be part of your future, and suddenly you walked away. You made me believe that you loved me completely and unconditionally, but you didn’t. You couldn’t handle me. You never could. I made endless sacrifices for you and I almost sacrificed myself for you. That’s something I will never, ever forgive you. And like I said, you might not be a bad person, but you were a bad person for me. I’m angry at myself for letting it get that far, but you know, I did it out of love. And that’s all I’ve got left. Knowing that I am able to love so deeply and unconditionally. Honestly, my next girlfriend is going to be so spoiled and lucky, because I have a lot to give. In the end, I am grateful for the break up. I am grateful for you leaving me. I got to know myself and I know I’m strong. I know what I’m worth. I know that I can love. I know I can do a whole lot and that I deserve to be loved. I deserve the world. I deserve being surrounded by people who bring out the best in me. I am blessed with having great friends and people who love me for who I am, not for who they want me to be. I am good enough and fuck you for making me believe I wasn’t.