#their original name was 'jess' and i just changed it recently so i might make an error or two

[kappatater]

Another OC! This is Tonnerre, or Tony for short.

As indicated by their name, they're connected to Eclair, coming from the same source. They are actually a large, indeterminate, whitish worm that can rapidly grow their extremities to take various forms, most often birdlike forms and a "dog" form.

They're pretty spry, and are often seen going place to place via parkour.

[vytels]

Reposting this with grammar and spelling fixed because it was bothering me. For context, this was posted based on an incorrect quote post. The original post is linked here.

Just needed to write a little something based on this that made my brain go wirrr

TW: self-depreciation, thoughts about death/suicide, overall general horrible feelings…. Basically, Fox NOT having a good time… Also, typos, cause I’m writing this at the ass crack of night and I’m supposed to be SLEEPING

Sloshes of cocktails and condensation fell to the floor, beers clinked together in toasts and cheers, but yet, it wasn’t as busy at 79’s as it usually was. Parties of clones crowded together in respected booths, a few stragglers slipping onto the dance floor to get a feel for a pretty lady or man. The music buzzed between them and the lights clung brightly to the walls, unimpeded by bodies or howling voices.

Fox didn’t care for 79’s much anyway. Besides the rapid amount of headaches and groans that it brought him, he found himself seeing it as only a small connection to his brothers on the frontlines. It provided him a face-to-face that holocalls couldn’t achieve, although only once every few months.

“Are your boys treating you well, Rex?” Ponds’ elbow shoved into Fox’s side as the man craned his head forward.

The blond trooper turned to them and a smile appeared at the edge of his lips, his shoulders slumping toward the table as he leaned in. “They weren’t too bad this time around, I think they might be settling down.”

“Don’t jinx it, vod’ika,” Cody warned, “Your men don’t know the meaning of settling. You told me they tried to make a water slide in the docking hangar of the Resolute a month ago.”

“Eh, they’re just bored,” Wolffe said, “the 501st moves around more than anyone else does, they have more time between missions to get stuck in their heads.”

“They do deal with it interestingly then,” Rex grumbled.

Fox couldn’t help but agree, though his eyes lingered across his vod’ika’s form. There was a mirth in the man’s eyes, a fondness in his smile, and a softening in his brows. The Captain cared deeply for his men, for his own vod’ika, despite the trouble they put him through. There was always a story on his mind about Fives and Echo, or a joke that heard from Jesse, or an incident from Hardcase.

There was something there that struck Fox, something that clung deep at his chest, in a way that almost made him gasp. Somehow, it was overwhelming.

“Well,” Fox said, “Have the Terrible Torrents come up with anything more recently to deal with this boredom?”

A smile widened across Rex’s face. “They came up with a game, based on a natborn game.”

“Oh, this ought to be good.” Bly leaned in. “What is it?”

“It’s based on kiss, marry, kill,” Rex explained, “which is a game where you name three people and then choose who you’d kiss, marry, or kill from the three.”

Cody nodded, raising an eyebrow. “How’d they change that then?”

Rex snickered. “They ran out of people they knew until it was only vod that they knew… so you know, they just changed the wording. Turned it into keldabe, vod pile partner, and kill.”

“Not as easy to say,” Ponds muttered with a look of disdain, “But I can’t imagine marrying or kissing a vod.”

Bly gave him a look. “Isn’t a keldabe a kiss?”

“It can be familial and you know it,” Ponds retorted, “You literally shove your forehead against any of ours the moment you get the chance!”

“Guilty,” Bly conceded.

Wolffe hummed. “Well, are we going to play it?”

“I’m interested,” Cody added, “It sounds like fun.”

Rex smirked as his ori’vode turned to him and let them throw him through the rounds of the game, pulling on all vod they knew from across the Galaxy. Putting Neyo against Gree, pushing Thorn against Keeli and Kix, throwing Crys with Waxer and Boil, laughing as he offered up Hardcase, Wrecker, and Fives, and smirking when he mentioned Alpha-17, Colt, and Fordo.

“You know that’s not fair,” Cody said immediately. “All of us would snatch up 17 for a pile partner before the others.”

“Then who are you killing?” Rex challenged. “Colt or Fordo?”

“Colt, at least I’d have a chance at winning.” Bly took a swig of his drink.

Wolffe shook his head. “I bet I could take out Fordo, besides he hates me.”

“That’s because you bit him.”

“So did Fox!”

Fox smirked. “He deserved it. I’m going with Fordo too.”

“You two are horrible.” Cody frowned. “I’ll kill Colt.”

“Agreed,” Ponds said.

“Alright, alright… last one?” Rex asked.

“Hit us with your best shot,” Wolffe growled at him.

Rex looked over them for a moment, thoughts whirling behind his eyes before a smirk covered his face. He leaned closer as he spoke, his voice punctuating the names.

“Me, Wolffe, Fox. The vod’ike.”

“Oh, well, I’m killing Fox.” Bly leaned back immediately.

Fox’s head snapped to his ori’vod, a glare pulling at his eyes but he kept his face level as Ponds snorted next to him.

“I think I have to agree with that,” Ponds said, “But I’m vod piling with Rex.”

“Not me?” Wolffe growled immediately.

But Fox didn’t hear the rest of the argument, not as his eyes slid to the orange-colored commander next to him. Cody stroked his chin, a horrible habit he had gained from his general, and stared toward the ceiling. Gears seemed to come to life in his head as he thought before his hand dropped away and slapped against the table.

Everyone’s heads snapped to him, the argument between Wolffe and Ponds fading to the side as the oldest of their batch smirked.

“I figured it out.” Cody nodded. “Kill Fox, keldabe Wolffe, and vod pile with Rex.”

Despite the sting in his chest, the tightening at the back of his throat, Fox slipped under his mask. A smirk played across his lips and he leaned back against the booth, eyes flickering across all his brothers.

“Yeah, I’d kill me too.” Fox waved a hand, ignoring the churning in his stomach. “I’ll vod pile with you, Wolffe.”

Wolffe smirked, before immediately turning to Ponds. “See? Even Fox wants to vod pile with me!”

The argument between them grew again, but it felt like a buzzing at Fox’s ears as he reached back to grab his drink. He knocked back, trying to get rid of the pain pounding in his ribs and gut, trying to loosen the tightening of his throat.

His batchmates had pointed to kill him off, not even bothering to argue against it in any form. It flipped his stomach, even if it was just a game. A meaningless game, but yet it drove a stake through his heart.

But he understood it too, he really did.

Fox wasn’t like his batchmates. He didn’t fight on the front lines, he didn’t put his life on the line for his brothers staring down a battlefield filled with droids, and he certainly didn’t wear his heart on his sleeve like they did.

But more than that, he didn’t really deserve to be the one receiving a keldabe, or being trusted as a pile partner. He wasn’t as good of a commander as he should be, he didn’t save the lives of his men as much as his batchmates did, and he most certainly couldn’t explain the blood that he’d find on his hands when he woke up in the morning.

His batchmates were good men, and he knew he wasn’t.

It seemed like they knew it too.

The night ended shortly after that. His batchmates huddled together as they wobbled back to the GAR barracks, doing their best to make themselves look like a cohesive group of competent men. And they pulled it off well too, despite the tiredness that dragged at them and the drunken tilts of their vision.

But Fox walked another way, back to the headquarters of the Coruscant Guard, back to his tiny office with a desk overflowing with datapads and flimsiwork.

He sat at his desk, thought of the way his vode had pointed at him, and wondered if the pills stashed in the back of his drawer were worth it.

[autism-purgatory]

hello hello hello....

hypothetically, where may I read sneak peeks of Fluff & Tendrils?

also hypothetically. may I get a lore dump. if that's possible. because I Want To Understand this creation of yours. it looks bloody fantastic so far & I'd adore more information

I might put in on AO3, and I’ll happily put a snippet here!

“Oh, and let me know if you dissect a fellow organic! I haven’t gotten to do that in centuries!” Zur yelled from the car. Jesse cringed and gave a subtle thumbs up, then bolted into school before his embarrassment sunk in further. He shuffled his way through the cluttered halls. He recognized patterns in the crowds even with their diverse clothes or complexion, yet none truly felt like him. Everyone was so similar yet so distant to the point of him sticking out. He shoved his thoughts away once he entered his classroom. His desk was at the left end against the windows. The morning mix of orange and yellow spilled onto it and the desks near him. After dropping his backpack next to his seat, he sat and slouched into his hoodie. He relished in the warmth and feeling of wool against his skin. His stimulation was interrupted by the buzz of his phone. “New kid new kid new kid new kid. He’s approaching your class now.” A text from Hannah read. Jesse sighed, “So? What’s so special about this one?” He responded. “Idk. There’s something off about him. Not bad, just kinda weird, like you.” “Thanks?? I’ll believe it when I see it.” He replied, taken aback by her bluntness. By the time he put his phone away, the class had settled and prepared the low-quality TekBooks from under their desks. Jesse did the same. Mr. Wren came in soon after. “Alright, students, before we begin, we have a new student. Please introduce yourself,” he said in his dry, deadpan voice. The new kid slowly entered, and Jesse felt like he was struck by lightning. He was already lost in their tan complexion. The student scratched their stark black, curly hair before speaking. “Hey everyone! I, um…My name’s August!” Most of the class was silent. August nervously chuckled and sat at his desk, which was at the very back. Some classmates gently waved or muttered “Hi, August.”

Fluff & Tendrils is about Jesse, an outcast autistic kid with divorced parents, and he ALSO recently realized he’s gay. Did I also mention his dad is the ruler of the 4th dimension, named Zur’Guran? Yeah he had a child with a human, seeing it as an alliance with the corporeal realm. Jesse’s mom is a lawyer and Zur went “ah yes the perfect person, surely this will strengthen my ties to all earthlings”

Zur has only recently re-entered Jesse’s life, when he’s a junior in high school. It doesn’t make him feel any less othered by everyone, and he also doesn’t want his dad to find out he’s been practicing eldritch spellcasting while he’s been away. Jesse only has two other friends (one is secretly undead), but this all changes when a kid named August recently moves into town (and it turns out he’s a werewolf)

anyways lore dump!

There’s stuff like Aliens, eldritch horrors, werewolves, vampires, cryptids, ghosts, undead, the works. All have some connection to the lovecraftian. It’s usually because someone or a group of people pissed off the 4th dimension gods and got cursed. Vampirism is an alien parasite that integrates itself into your bloodstream, altering your dna bit by bit. It can’t be inherited by birth, rather, you have to infect someone by injecting a bit of the parasite via your fangs. There are dozens of strains of vampirism, but the “main” one originates from Eastern Europe sometime in the 15th century. Same applies to werewolves, except the “main” strain originates from Mycenaean Greece. There’s also a butt ton of different monsters based on the region. Also the main aliens are called the Cru’zra, who got their homeworld eaten by a 4th dimension god and are responsible for the vampirism parasite. There’s plenty of other aliens who come to earth, hiding among the masses. Also eldritch magic exists and can be taught via Skin Grimoires, which can be used to summon plenty of spooky entities or cast certain spells, but you’ll be disintegrated unless you’ve bound yourself to a 4th dimension god or (by some miracle) are related to one like Jesse.

August has the “main” strain of lycanthropy, and its symptoms are 10x worse if you’re going through puberty such as excessive body hair growth and inconsistent distribution of testosterone (this applies to all werewolves not just male ones). Also they look more and more wolf-like depending on the moon phase. They only look like a full blown werewolf on the full moon. August gets it from his mother who immigrated from Greece.

thank you for asking and for letting me infodump :D

[keep-it-i-resign]

Fic Writer Asks

tagged by the lovely @vampcoffeegyrl23 I am soooo sorry this has taken over a week! I promise I was just busy away from my computer and using mobile is not the way to go about answering these! 😅

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

6 on AO3 and 6 on ffn.net. I haven't used the ffn.net account in years, i.e 2013 (and therefore my user name isn't even the same) so those 6 stories are different from my AO3 ones. I don't post most of what I write and now that I'm in my mid-20s with a few published papers behind me - I'm much more confident in my ability to write a cohesive and interesting story so expect more posted!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

17,425 words which isn't bad for only 6 fics with two of those stories having additional chapters coming soon.

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

On AO3? Just 1, which is The Flash and by extension Stargate SG-1 for the crossover I did for Snowells Week this year. Counting ffn.net that's 3 more with Castle, Doctor Who, and Firefly. Over my lifetime of writing fic for myself? I think only 7 more. Stargate SG-1, Stargate Atlantis, Sanctuary, Harry Potter, Star Trek: Voyager, Star Trek: TNG, and Left 4 Dead. Left 4 Dead isn't much of a fanfic but I did use the zombie types as place holders in an original story until I developed my own.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I'll Be Waiting (The Flash - Caitlin/Harry)

Well... This is Awkward (The Flash - Caitlin/Harry, Frost/Nash, Caitlin/Nash, and Frost/Harry)

Rewind Time (The Flash - Caitlin/Harry)

Through the Gate (The Flash/Stargate SG-1 - Caitlin/Eowells)

Harvest Season (The Flash - Caitlin/Harry)

5. What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

I don't write angst much and I haven't posted many stories yet but of the ones posted I guess "I'll Be Waiting" is the angstiest.

6. What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

"Well...This is Awkward" has a pretty happy ending with everyone alive and together. Or maybe "Twilight of the Gods" because ReverseSnow/ReverseFrost happens and there is hope of bringing everything lost back and balance the universe again. I guess it depends on your definition of what constitutes as a happy ending. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you've written?

I've only written one - The Flash/Stargate SG-1 crossover. I don't normally think about crossovers just because the shows I watch are so vastly different they can't really work or they are already in the same universe with the canon crossovers. I'm also not always a fan of reading them because they can get chaotic quick and characterization takes a dive in order to fit characters into other universes/situations. I admire anyone who can write it well though!

As a side note: I did have a thought about a Snowells into the Arkham universe fic just because I have been replaying the Batman Arkham video games which I might give a shot at.

8. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

👀I wrote one smutty story years ago and it's terrible because I was young and naïve. I haven't tried recently but I'm not opposed to giving it a shot now. I have a few ideas on a prompt list I have for Snowells already so it's really a matter of when will I get to it!

9. Do you respond to comments. why or why not?

I do when I can! I like to get feedback from my readers and having an open dialogue of what they liked or disliked is important for me! I want to know what my audience enjoyed and what to improve on! Responding to them also shows them I saw that they said and appreciate what they had to say! 🥰

10. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Surprisingly - no, even on my old and terribly written stuff. I'm perfectly open to criticism but hate? If you don't like it, you don't like it but others might. Why spend the time spreading negativity when the world has enough of it?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

As far as I know - no.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No but given enough time I could probably translate mine. It would be grammatically atrocious because I rarely translate from English into any of the languages I know. It's normally the other way around! I'd definitely need a Beta who is fluent to correct my mistakes.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No but it's definitely something I'd try! I co-wrote an original story with a few friends of mine years ago in high school and enjoyed it. I like the idea of getting to talk and bounce ideas off of someone who enjoys the same fandoms and character as me! I haven't really done that since I grew apart from one of my friends from high school who I did that with.

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

What kind of question is this? Do people actually have an ultimate ship? Is that even possible? I have ships from several fandoms and sometimes multiple ships within a fandom. Most of the time I have a main ship from a fandom but that doesn't mean I discount any of the other ones that I or others enjoy as well. I'll throw out a few that I still got out and read for in order of what I read most often (either new stuff or re-reads) to what I read occasionally, at least according to my AO3 favorite tags.

Snowells (all variations) - The Flash

Jack O'Neill/Sam Carter - Stargate SG-1

Helen Magnus/Nikola Tesla - Sanctuary

Harry/Hermione - Harry Potter

William Murdoch/Julia Ogden - Murdoch Mysteries

Phil/ Melinda - Agents of SHIELD

Kathryn Janeway/Tom Paris - Star Trek: Voyager

Kate Fleming/Steve Arnott - Line of Duty

I will occasionally go check what kind of fics the fandom writes when I start a show just out of curiosity. Sometimes you can tell if there is fandom hate between ships by doing so and I know to steer clear, especially if I ship a lesser ship/non-canon ship. Also - the number of canon-divergence or rewrites will tell you if the shows writers start being ridiculous *cough* The Flash *cough* and whether it's worth getting attached at all.

15. What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

Hoo boy. I have a drive full of them. Most of which aren't even close to being posted. My biggest one right now is a complete re-write of The Flash dealing with a what if scenario of Earth-1 Tess Morgan being pregnant the night that Thawne kills them both and he chooses to birth the kid rather than let it die with her. It's set a few years earlier (so 18/19 years stuck in the past rather than the original 15 that the show has it) so the kid isn't Jesse but it changes how season 1 plays out and definitely how season 2 plays out when Harry finds out about the kid while dealing with the Jesse/Zoom issue. Plus it's Snowells too and I want to deal with Barry's mistakes and the consequences of them better than the show did since the show just kind of brushes them off? For some reason? I wanted things to have a little more consequence because some of the mistakes made are egregious and then they acted like it never happened which bothers me. It's a beast of a project and I'm - unfortunately- a perfectionist and a completionist. I'm thinking an episode per chapter rewrite but right now it's in bits and pieces and a lot of notes on how episodes would play out differently with an added character and dynamic.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue and scene positioning. I can write out the dialogue for a story quickly with the bare bones of the scene and movements playing out. After that, it takes me ages to expand the scene and fill in the bits between speaking lines because I can see the piece play out in my head and putting that to paper accurately and engagingly without being overwhelming is a multi-layered process.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Some of this is normal, you know, like grammar and spelling. My brain moves faster than I type so words or bit of phrases end up missing and I later have to fix it. I'm also a Southerner who grew up watching a ton of British shows so a lot of the way I phrase things isn't commonly used anywhere. I have to spend a lot of time double checking things like that. I think my biggest one is not knowing how to end stories satisfactorily. I haven't posted many fics because it's hard to post them when you don't know how to wrap everything up.

18. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

It depends on whether it's an established part of a character or story and whether or not I'm comfortable with the language. Like with Sherloque - it's established he'll say something in French and then repeat it in English. I took 3 years of French so I'm comfortable writing it and it fits the character and situation. But take Cisco, we know he speaks Spanish, but it's never really shown in the show. So fics that I've read where he breaks into Spanish can be distracting as we've never seen him do it - even in dire circumstances. I also never took Spanish in school and I only know rudimentary pieces (I took Mandarin and Latin instead), so I'm unlikely to use it in any fic I write unless the circumstances warrant it (say - Cisco is talking to a grandparent or a meta struggling with English).

But again, it depends on the situation, what we know of the character, and how comfortable I am with the language enough to get it correct and in character. Any fic writer who can get the situation and character down while using a secondary language, and not make it distracting deserves applause!

19. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Hit me with a hard one why don't you? 🤣 I think it was Stargate SG-1 or maybe it was Stargate Atlantis. You're asking me to think back over a decade and a half ago to when I started reading and writing fic at the tender age of 7 or 8. I'm fairly certain it was one of those two fandoms and it might've been a crossover. I do remember writing part of it on an old Gateway computer running Windows '98 with a glass monitor that was mine and my sisters. The other half was written on an electric type-writer that I owned because this was before laptops were widely available and affordable.

20. What's your favorite fic you've written?

It's a tie between "Twilight of the Gods" and "I'll Be Waiting". "Twilight of the Gods" because I got to show off a few of my degrees (History and Classics, I couldn't shoehorn in my others but they are science related and that doesn't quite fit that story). "I'll Be Waiting" is a favorite because it's a big middle finger to whoever / collective group wrote The Flash season 7. I'm still pissed off at how the Wells plotline was dealt with and let's not get started on the whole Chillblaine/Kramer/Forces as kids of WA plots (ewwwwwww 🤢). I'd need a whole new post to talk about how tired I am of the WA kids showing up (because screw how that'll effect the timeline, right?) and the reliance on the future to drive what decisions are made (because, again, screw how bad that would be for the timeline - it's not like we have seen how much that effects things before right?) 😒

Phew.....That was longer than I expected, honestly, but a lot of fun!

Tagging whoever wants to talk about their works because you are all wonderful people who should get a chance to share!

[soundsof71]

(via)

Jangly Women: A Spotify Playlist Based On A Tumblr Tag

So anyway, your pal and mine @niterunner​ tagged me to name 10 songs by 10 different bands, and rather than agonize over this for somewhere between 2 and 7 years (the average length of time it takes me to respond to these tag games), and when I finally answer reply with 56 songs instead of 10, I’m going the opposite way.

Instead of 10, I’m doing FIVE songs that I’ve recently pulled up for no particular reason, other than it’s summer as I write this, and summer means harmonies and HOOKS. I like my summer harmonies and hooks mid-tempo, with jangly guitars, thanks, so here ya go.

Why five? Because that’s how many videos tumblr will let me embed in one post. I’m including YouTube clips because I’m afraid that not enough of y’all know these songs. You really need to hear ‘em, and I don’t want your lack of access to Spotify to stand in the way. 

Also, for once, I didn’t need to go into the depths of my archives to scrape up every detail. I happened to remember the stories for these off the top of my head, and in keeping with the summery, jangly, theme of these tracks, have kept ‘em short. For once.

And as I’ve mentioned before, regardless of what I blog, I mostly listen to contemporary women. I’ve been adding the tag “new classics” to some of these artists and songs as I’m not able to keep them off my blog any longer. LOL 

It’s not that I don’t listen to dudes at all, but in general, my advice is to pay less attention to men and more attention to women. 

(Says the man with his latest 1000 word essay. LOL Sorry. Listen to these songs, though, and let’s call it square.)

Any one of these songs might change your life. They’ve each changed mine.

Hole, Boys On The Radio (1998) I’m sure that you’re a lovely person, and I know that the universe is better for having you in it, but let’s be honest: none of us will ever do enough good in our lives to be worthy of Hole’s first three albums. I’m grateful to accept them for the gifts that they are, and to dedicate my life to trying to live up to the grace, wisdom, and hooks they contain.

There are days when I’d pick a couple of other tracks from album #3, Celebrity Skin, to name as my favorite, but “Boys On The Radio” is the one that inspired me to make this playlist. Jangle out the wazoo, and harmonies to the skies.

In your endless summer night I’ll be on the other side When the water is too deep I will ease your suffering

Linda Ronstadt, I Can’t Let Go (1980) The version of this song by The Hollies that I first heard in 1966 knocked me flat on my ass, but Linda’s version landed on me like an atom bomb. The third single from her 1980 smash album Mad Love, it peaked at #3 on the Billboard singles chart.

The album as a whole set some mad records at the time: the highest-ever chart debut for an album by a woman at #5, and her seventh million-seller in a row, the first woman to do that too. (Heck, she was the first woman to have THREE in a row. She’d go on to make it 9 in a row, and 11 out of 12.) Mad Love also deserves its own essay, which will follow. Someday. LOL

It’s crazy to me that in her autobiography she pretty much brushes aside the entire decade of the 70s by saying that all she remembers is that she didn’t think her voice was good enough. INSANE, I tell you, but there’s no question that she took a HUGE step up here in 1980. This and the previous single from Mad Love, “Hurt So Bad”, rank in my mind as some of the strongest vocals that any human has ever laid to wax. 

Plenty of other killers on the album too. It’s my favorite of hers by a mile – but the jangle keeps pulling me back here.

Heck, with the multitracking on “I Can’t Let Go” alone, she’s got a solid half dozen of the best vocal performances of all time! 

September Gurls, The Bangles (1986) The Bangles are a band with four lead vocalists, and this one is bassist Michael Steele’s high point. She’s the one who’d been pestering the rest of the group to record this Big Star cover, but have mercy, when they decided she was right, did they ever step up. The Big Star version is okaaaay, but this one is definitive. Susanna Hoff’s Rickenbacker here is one of my favorite guitar parts of all time, and Michael’s vocal is perfection.

I’ve been working on a whole essay about this one song, its making, and various versions of it over the years, so I’ll stop here for now….but this is AMAZING.

Alien With A Sleep Mask On, Ratboys (2020) I’ve been a fan of Julia Steiner and Ratboys for years, going back to their origins as a duo with Dave Sagan. Rolling up as a four-piece in 2020, their album Printer’s Devil is a major leap up. Wall to wall hooks and harmonies, this album is a winner from start to finish that’s going to end up on any sane list of the year’s best. This is the song I keep coming back to, though, no doubt about it.

Like a lot of gorgeous, jangly songs, including the ones on this list, there’s an underlying sadness here. Julia herself is the alien, having a hard time reconciling herself to the choices she’s making….again. 

Hooks to burn here, y’all. 

Bleached, Somebody Dial 911 (2019) Bleached were definitely my favorite discovery of 2019, but they’ve been around a lot longer than that: their first singles were in 2011, and their first album in 2013. I’m still making my way back through their discography, which is taking longer than it might because I just can’t stop listening to this 2019′s Don’t You Think You’ve Had Enough?.

The strummy hooks on "Somebody Dial 911″ remind me of The Cure’s “Friday I’m In Love” (which I get the feeling is intentional – see what you think). Like that one, the jangle, hooks, and harmonies mask an emotional intensity and a bit of danger that’s easy to miss if you’re just listening to the hooks and adding your voice to the irresistible chorus. 

This was the first album that sisters Jennifer and Jesse Clavin wrote and recorded while both were sober, and the clarity they’ve gained binds boldness to vulnerability. When Jen sings “I’ve got to get out of here,” you’ll feel it to the depths of your soul. 

It’s already one of my favorite songs of all time by anyone, which is why I mostly listen to new music. Who knows which new all-time favorites are out there waiting for me?

Somebody dial 911 Before I fall in love I always fall in love, oh no

The perfect jangly summer bop for people trying to keep their shit together for just one more day, playing for keeps in four four time. 

Hey you, reading this! Consider yourself tagged! And look for me on Spotify, @metropolitim. Let me know you’re there, and I’ll follow you too!

And hey, no worries if you’re following me just for pretty pictures of rock stars! Blacklist the “essay” tag, and you’re home free! 

[jacnaylor]

romance book recs!!

romance is my feel good genre, and it’s also usually somewhat easier to read during stressful times, so here’s a list of some books that are either romance or have a romance element i feel like mentioning.

(EDIT: I STAYED UP TILL 2 AM DOING THIS HELP. this is why some of the comments. don’t make any fucking sense.)

romance books and authors:

CONTEMPORARY:

1. The Bromance bookclub series by Lyssa Kay Adams (A group of men form a bookclub dedicated to romance books in order to understand women, improve their relationships and become better men. It’s funny, cute, and all about dismantling toxic masculinity one romance book at a time)

2. Mariana Zapata books (The queen of slowburn romance. The only book I’ve read by her is ‘Under Locke’, but ‘From Lukov with love’ and ‘Kulti’ have rave reviews. There is so much build up and SO much sexual tension with a great pay off)

3. Milly Johnson books (A uk author whose books are primarily set in the north, these are total feel good books. Not so much graphic and more romantic, but her characters are great and her plot lines really hook you in.)

4. The Unhoneymooners by Christina Lauren (Super cute, quick enemies-to-lovers story about a bridesmaid who has to go on a honeymoon with the best man when the bride and groom get food poisoning. Obviously this means the holy of holies: fake relationship!)

5. Well met by Jen De Luca (Oh my gosh! Super fun, the characters are just wonderful especially our heroine. A hate-to-love romance set at a renaissance fair! All about overcoming the limits you set on yourself and rethinking your first impressions.)

6. Katherine Center books (My personal favourites are ‘How to walk away’ about a woman who falls for her PT after a near fatal plane crash. And ‘Happiness for beginners’ about a woman taking part in a wilderness trail with her brothers annoying best friend. She writes such great plots and you really feel all the emotions!)

7. Mhairi Mcfarlane books (my personal favourites are ‘Here’s looking at you’ about a woman who comes face to face with her high school bully years later - only he doesn’t recognize her. And he’s not awful? Don’t worry. I know how that synopsis sounds. He’s not excused his actions, but you also understand how he’s grown and changed. It definitely gets you in the feels though. As does ‘You had me at hello’ Which is about a couple from university meeting again years later. God this woman can write angst and yearning!!)

8. A part of me by Anouska Knight (On the same day she and her husband have been accepted into the adoption process, their marriage implodes. This has such a cute romance which follows hate-to friends- to love and it’s v funny)

9. Southern Eclectic series by Molly harper (Just as it sounds. Southern small town romance with a great, quirky cast of characters)

10. Maggie’s man by Lisa Gardner (writing as Alicia Scott) (An escaped convict kidnaps a woman from the courthouse to act as his hostage whilst he tries to prove his innocence. Surprisingly funny and warm. Maggie as a heroine is an absolute joy. They’re sort of chaotic together and it’s a wild ride.)

11. The Mister by E.L James (LISTEN OK - SIT BACK DOWN - It’s not winning awards but it’s actually decent! I was skeptical, but I will admit I was won over. I mean parts are cheesy but it’s so addictive. Basically a rich man falls for his cleaning lady - but it’s also about the yearning. It’s also quite action packed as there’s danger, drama and a chase across europe to get the girl.)

12. RECENT Colleen Hoover (Now, you may enjoy older CH books. Personally I find them very problematic. Now I’ve really enjoyed her recent books though. Especially ‘Without Merit’ and ‘It ends with us’ and ‘Regretting you’. High angst, high drama, dark topics for all of her books. But you can tell she’s matured with her writing. She isn’t for everyone but they’re addictive, fast paced reads.

13. The Austenland duology by Shannon Hale (You might have seen the Austenland movie - The cutest, cheesiest, sweetest, campiest movie ever. Well there’s a book! It’s about women who go on a holiday and live their own Jane Austen story with actors. The first book leans towards Pride and Prejudice and Mansfield park. The second book is more Northanger abbey and Emma.

14. Brigid Kemmerer contemporaries (She is an auto-buy author for me, especially her contemporaries. She writes the best teenage characters, the best teenage boys I’ve ever read about. Her characters are real, she writes about kids trying their best, struggling, and being good, and kind, and the world not being kind to them. Usually the books have a pov from both the female and male love interest. I would rec any of them tbh. ‘Letters to the lost’ comes before it’s companion novel ‘More than we can tell’. I loved ‘Call it what you want’ with has modern Robin Hood elements!!!! seriously she is my favourite YA contemporary author.

15. Sophie Kinsella books (If you haven’t picked up her stand alone novels then what are you doing???? she is the queen!!!! Personal favourites are ‘Can you keep a secret’ and ‘I’ve got your number)

16. A quiet kind of thunder by Sara Barnard (I love her ok. Her books are short and sweet but she packs a punch. TBH these aren’t primarily romance, they’re more just about teenage girls but this one has a good romance element so I’m putting it on here. It’s about Steffi, a selective mute who sometimes communicates with basic sign language who is assigned to look after the new boy at school Rhys, who is deaf.)

17. Meet me at the museum by Anne Youngson (GORGEOUS! moving, tender. A lonely housewifes strikes up a correspondence with a widowed museum curator in Denmark. Oh gosh. I just love this one. It’s about friendship, love, grief, second chances, the choices we make. Seriously love this one and it’s not that long.)

FANTASY:

1. Sorcery of thorns by Margaret Rogerson (Elisabeth has grown up in the great library, protecting grimoires with powers and fearing sorcerers. When a dangerous grimoire is released, she’s forced to team up with an enigmatic sorcerer and his demonic servant in order to save the world.)

2. Sky in the deep duology by Adrienne Young (A viking inspired story about a warrior who is captured by the tribe she is at war with. Such good tension and it’s also got a lot of action. Battle couple romance! Mutual respect! Hate to love!)

3. The Rose Garden by Susanna Kearsley (I’ve reread this book once but will end up reading it again. It’s a time travel romance about a woman staying in cornwall dealing with the death of her sister who is transported back and forth to the 17th century. It’s a favourite. The romance is wonderful but the stakes are really high too. I also love ‘Belleweather’ by the same author)

4. An ember in the ashes series by Sabaa Tahir (Oh god, the romance. THE ROMANCE! it’s so much. The angst, the pining, the longing. The first book follows Laia, part of a slave class in a roman inspired world. She begins spying in the top military academy and meets Elias, a reluctant soldier. This is a proper fantasy series with only the first three books out, but it’s so great.)

5. Alias Hook by Lisa Jensen (Let me just copy the blurb ok: “Meet Captain James Benjamin Hook, a witty, educated Restoration-era privateer cursed to play villain to a pack of malicious little boys in a pointless war that never ends. But everything changes when Stella Parrish, a forbidden grown woman, dreams her way to the Neverland in defiance of Pan's rules.” I MEAN COME ON. a gorgeous adult fairytale with love and redemption at the center.

6. The Mediator series by Meg Cabot (Obviously Meg Cabot is the most iconic and we stan. But this series is my absolute favourite by her. About Suze Simon, a kickass, no nonsense mediator - Someone who helps ghosts move on to the other side. Sometimes by force. She has to move house and ends up sharing her room with a 100 year old hot ghost named Jesse. The tension. The angst. THE BANTER!!!!)

7. House of Earth and Blood by Sara J Maas (a half fae half mortal girl tries to solve a murder with the help of a fallen angel. It’s a LONG book, but for me personally it flew by. It’s a big new fantasy world but the romance has a great build. Overcoming grief! Being normal together! Being in danger together! THE UST! the characters are so good. I ahven’t been this impressed by a new series for a while)

8. Cursebreakers series by Brigid Kemmerer (yep, she gets another mention. This one is a beauty and the best retelling about a man forced to relive the same season over and over, becoming a literal beat, until a girl from our world can break the curse. The second book, following secondary characters, is my fave so far. But both feature kickass ladies and those small romantic moments BK is so good at)

9. A court of thorns and roses series by Sara J Maas (a fae inspired beauty and the beast retelling. The only time you support a ship switch. Also the secondary ships are getting their own books and oh my god. I’m so excited.)

HISTORICAL/CLASSICS/MILLS AND BOON

1. Jane Austen (The original rom com queen, obviously. Pride and prejudice and Emma are faves. Also I have a major soft spot for the alwayc chaotic and underrated Northanger Abbey)

2. North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell (Actually might be my favourite classic ever. Often described at an industrial p&p. Margaret, from the south, comes face to face with the harsh reality of the world when she moves up north and comes face to face with a brooding millowner. There’s obviously a lot more nuance than that but. THE PINING!!!!!! THE MISCOMMUNICATION! THE DRAMA!)

3. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer (You might have seen the film. Please also read the book. Told entirely in letters. The sharp witted author Juliet Ashton falls in love with Guernsey and it’s characters whilst researching what happened there during the war. Funny, moving and romantic.)

4. The Veronica Speedwell series by Deanna Raybourn (A butterfly hunter foils her own kidnap and is paired together with a reclusive natural historian. They solve mysteries together. They can’t admit they wanna sleep together. The tension.......unbearable. See also the Julia Grey mysteries by the same author)

5. The warrior knight and the widow by Ella Matthews (So last year I discovered Mills and Boon and I have no shame about it whatsoever. This is a medieval beauty and the beast retelling about a woman being escorted to her fathers estate by an enigmatic and scarred knight. She’s hoping to convince her father to let her steward her own lands, and of course trying not to fall for her escort.)

6. The bareknuckle bastards series by Sarah Maclean (A badass, brooding trio of siblings who rule the underbelly of Covent Garden fall for smart, beautiful women. Opposites attract, Good girl/bad boy, strong women, banter. Super fun historical romance)

7. Redeeming the reclusive earl by Virginia Heath (I just read this and it was seriously cute!!!! And book where the hero blushes even once is a good book in my opinion. Basically aspiring antiquarian named Effie barrels into the life of a new earl - who really just wants to be left alone to be grumpy and sad and disfigured. ALONE. But Effie wants to dig on his land. And she won’t take no for an answer. She also talks A LOT.

8. A family for the widowed governess by Ann Lethbridge (Technically this is part of a series but you don’t need to read them in order and this is the best one. A widow who is being blackmailed accepts a governess post. She can’t tell her employer about the blackmail especially when she starts falling for him.)

9. The bedlam stacks by Natasha Pulley (I read watchmaker and didn’t like it but you might like it. This one also FEAUTRES A M/M ROMANCE. I know this list was super straight im sorry. Anyway this is about a botanist falling in love with a priest in the jungle.

10. The wilderness series by Sara Donati (Think outlander without the time travel and also not set in scotland. Basically Last of the Mohicans fanfiction about Hawkeye’s grown up son. An english woman moves to america when her father promises she can be a school teacher there. Little does she know he actually has plans to marry her off. Things get more complicated when she falls for Nathaniel Bonner, a white man raised native american and who’s daughter and extended family is Native American. Like outlander there’s romance, adventure, history. But unlike the outlander books the love interest is a decent guy (i say as if i don’t love the tv show)

STUFF THAT REALLY ISN’T ROMANCE AT ALL. BUT I SHIP A SHIP.

1. The Lacey Flint series by Sharon Bolton (Lacey Flint is a police officer who becomes involved in the hunt to catch a Jack the ripper copycat. There actually is a strong romantic element with the other lead police officer.)

2. The last hours duology by Minette Walters. A novel about the black death and a closed estate lead by a woman who’s trying to protect her people. There’s also a kind of murder mystery. But she also has a close relationship to one of the surfs that I got super invested in.

3. The Strike series by J.k Rowling (I know we don’t stan anymore but. This series about  PI and his assistant slowly growing closer? Becoming best friends and partners? Not acknowledging any feelings for each other?

[dilliebar]

The Story of Dinah: A TLOUP2 Theory

Hey guys! So during this quarantine I’ve been looking for stuff to do to keep myself busy, and among playing The Last of Us for the billionth time I also decided to continue analyzing the content we’ve gotten so far. Tbh I gave up a while ago trying to find out what’s gonna happen in TLOU2, but after one google search, though, I actually think I’ve found a pretty solid theory that explains a lot of what we saw in the trailers/screenshots/etc.

!!! Note that this does include content from the leaked gameplay videos and from the leaked screenshot that surfaced a while ago. only read on if you’re okay with knowing spoilers !!!

**Note: I was not raised around a specific religion and my only knowledge of the subject has come from what I’ve read on the internet and the information I’ve gained from different Jewish and Christian interpretations of the passages talked about in this theory. None of these are my personal opinions and please correct me if anything is misinformed. Thank you.

So the majority of us know that something is going to happen to Dina and/or Ellie, and the first question is, what?

Well, obviously what’s different from the original game and p2 is that p2 is going to have to do a lot more with religion, as Dina is confirmed to be Jewish and we also have the Christian group, the Seraphites. The theme of religion is pretty much the basis of this theory, and it all starts with the origin of Dina’s name.

Now when you probably saw the title of this post you were like “yo that’s not how you spell her name”, and that, my friend, is where you’re wrong. After digging a little bit into the origination of Dina’s name, I found that it stemmed from the Hebrew name, Dinah. The first famous holder of this name was a woman who had a small, yet significant role in one of the books of the Jewish bible (or the Torah, please correct me if I’m wrong). Now, I would’ve written this off as a coincidence, but after looking into the story of Dinah I noticed some similarities between her story and bb Dina.

The passage basically tells the story of Dinah, who ventures out to meet the people of the world, and while doing so is sexually assaulted by the prince of Shechem. When her two brothers hear about this, they’re enraged, and slaughter all of the men in the city and rescue her.

The reason this caught my eye is because Dina and/or Ellie being sexually assaulted is a pretty common theory among the fandom right now, and after applying this to the trailers, screenshots, leaked footage, and the leaked screenshot, it makes a lot of sense, especially with Dina being Jewish. So without further ado, let’s look at what this means for the story.

                                               I. What Happened

So if we’re following the original story of Dinah, the first thing that would happen is that Ellie and Dina head out on patrol the night after their kiss. Obviously this would mostly serve as a tutorial-like introduction, but it would also serve as the setup for the rest of the game. This is where the basement scene comes in, in which both of them are attacked and/or assaulted, and for whatever reason, they take Dina and Ellie escapes.

A lot of people have been speculating that the game revolves around the sole idea of revenge, and while Ellie’s clearly pretty jazzed off about whatever happened in the gameplay and release date trailers, it’s likely more of a “side quest” aside from her actual goal: to get Dina back. Naughty Dog games in the past, including The Last of Us, have always had a certain goal in mind that you’re working towards throughout the game. This also aligns with the story of Dinah, as she isn’t killed, but taken.

In addition to the supporting story, much of the leaked footage aligns with this, as well. For example, in the leaked gameplay in which Ellie wakes up bruised and beaten in a theater and calls out for Dina and Jesse, but why would Dina be there? If Ellie’s main goal is to get revenge on the group who wronged them, then neither Dina nor Jesse being there would make a whole lot of sense unless they all just want to have one big traumatic experience together; however, if Dina was taken, it would make sense as to why Ellie and Jesse would go after her, because they both have strong feelings for her, want to get her back, and want to seek vengeance. At the same time, by the cuts and bruises littering Ellie’s back, we can see that something clearly went down very recently, which was likely the rescue of Dina. We can also confirm that this wasn’t a dream or some wacky acid trip, too, because in the leaked screenshot we can see Ellie and Dina exploring Capitol Hill in Seattle together.

Now of course we all want to know that Ellie and Dina live happily ever-after, and this might (?) be true according to the story of Dinah, in which both of the brothers (represented here by Ellie and Jesse) return safely home with Dinah. Since this is where the story ends, is this where the game takes a twist? Possibly, but we’ll never know for sure until we play it. 

                                               II. Whodunnit?

Alright, so I’m gonna break this down into the two groups that are confirmed to be in The Last of Us 2: the Seraphites and the WLF. Though none of this is stemmed from the story of Dinah, the biblical meanings behind their names matched up pretty darn well with what we know about them already. 

Now, the thing is, after trying to look up the Hebrew origination of the word “seraphite”, I found that it wasn’t actually a word at all. What I did find, however, was the definition of the word “seraph” which is “of the highest order of the nine-fold celestial hierarchy, associated with light, ardor, and purity”, with another description being a “six-winged angel”. The Latin suffix, “-ite”, means to be a follower. In other words, the Seraphites see themselves as either messengers or followers of god. This description makes a lot of sense, as in the trailer with the mystery-woman, the Seraphites say to “clip her wings” in reference to Yara.

When it comes to the WLF, the meaning behind their name is much more simple. As we can recall from the gameplay trailer, we hear the Seraphites shout out “WOLF!”. In addition to this, poster released shortly after the mystery-woman trailer portrays a wolf shaped by flames. Thus, I decided to look up the biblical meaning of a wolf, as the two groups are likely at odds. Unsurprisingly, the term “wolf” is generally used to describe those who pray on the weak.

After looking at these two groups, I concluded that the culprit is ultimately the WLF for a few reasons:

1. The meaning of the wolf in a biblical context (which was first mentioned to describe one of Dinah’s other brothers, by the way)

2. In the release date trailer, we can definitely see the attire of those who attacked the two. They’re wearing jackets; the man who initially attacked Ellie is wearing a cap. If we look at the gameplay trailer, the Seraphites distinctly wear robes, and so they are likely out of the question.

3. In the release date trailer, Tommy says “you don’t know how large that group is; how armed” all the while displaying a group of men with guns, and one verrrryyy important dude that I haven’t really seen a lot of people talking about. And that is this guy: 

OK, I know, it doesn’t seem like that big of a revelation but take a look at this guy’s face, and then scroll back up to the beginning of this section. Look similar? They’ve got the same hair, skin tone, attire, etc. In addition, the people with guns in the photo also have similar attire and weaponry to those in the release date trailer. At the same time, in the basement scene, we can also see a man in similar attire and a similar skin tone holding Ellie down (though to be fair, we can’t see his face, and so this may not be the same guy, but the attire definitely separates them from the Seraphites). 

Did maybe the Seraphites get a lil’ chilly and decide to wear jackets if the attacked Ellie and Dina? Maybe, but my bet’s on the WLF.

                                   III. Patching Up the Plotholes

Alright, so this theory definitely leaves a couple of plotholes that I wanna possibly cover (though it should be noted that these are speculation):  

1. As we see multiple times in both the screenshots and gameplay, Ellie entered Seattle alone. Where did Jesse come in?

2. Joel is in multiple screenshots, and also talks to Ellie in the release date trailer. What does he got to do with this?

So first of all, answering the question of where Jesse came in is fairly easy to answer, and it’s that he followed Ellie. As seen in the release date trailer, about a handful of people in Jackson left to go out on patrol other than Ellie and Dina, one of them being Jesse. Given the incident that happened in the basement, I’m guessing Ellie didn’t decide to keep scavenging for supplies and returned to Jackson early in order to recover and spread the news, which means Jesse likely wouldn’t have been back yet, and didn’t hear the news and go after Dina until he returned to Jackson. Then the question of the change in seasons comes into play. If this theory is true, I’m guessing that the basement scene took place near the end of winter, while Ellie/Jesse going to Seattle took place in early Spring, or that Ellie/Jesse left as soon as possible and the journey took longer than expected due to multiple obstacles like what happened in the first game. 

Now, when it comes to Joel, I returned specifically to the story of Dinah. A while after the incident, when Jacob (the father of both Dinah and the brothers) is blessing his children, he expresses his disappointment in the two brothers as “in their anger they slew men” and “cursed be their anger, for it was fierce, and their wrath, for it was cruel”. Based on this, I believe that the multiple screenshots from the game are in the context of Joel expressing his disappointment in Ellie, as she likely went out of her way to kill more people than she had to in order to get to Dina. This also correlates to the reveal trailer in which Joel says “you really gonna go through with this?” and Ellie replies, “I’m gonna find, and I’m gonna kill, every last one of them”. 

                                                  ~Conclusion~

Alrighty, so that’s pretty much it. Again, I don’t know if a lot of the biblical stuff is accurate since I wasn’t raised in a strictly Jewish nor Christian household, but I was intrigued by some interpretations and frankly I really wanted to get this out and see what everyone else thought about it. Please, if you have any additional thoughts about this, correct something I said, or point out any other plotholes, leave a comment! I’m in desperate need for some TLOU2 action.

[feigeroman]

Thomas OCs: Jesse

Number: 32 Class: Hunslet Jessie 0-6-0ST Built: 1937 Arrived on Sodor: 1948 Service (Shed): Vicarstown Steelworks (Vicarstown) Livery: NWR Local Passenger Green

Jesse is probably one of the most obscure engines working on the NWR (and considering we’ve hardly ever seen three quarters of them, that’s saying a lot). He initially appeared out of nowhere, seemingly left just as abruptly, and didn’t make much of an impression in the interim.

The truth, as ever, is slightly more complicated, but only just. Jesse was originally built in 1937, to work at a steelworks somewhere in England. He worked there until just after the War, when the demand for iron and steel became so great that Jesse became too worn out to cope. The steelworks decided he would be too expensive to overhaul, and decided instead to sell him on.

By coincidence, the NWR was on the lookout for new engines - the War had left many of their existing engines similarly worn out, and a backlog of overhauls and heavy repairs ensued. What was needed were engines who could keep things running while the backlog was cleared. Somehow, Jesse came to their attention, and he was duly purchased in late 1947 - although he wouldn’t officially enter service until early 1948.

To begin with, Jesse was tried out as station pilot at Tidmouth - ever since Thomas had taken charge of the Ffarquhar branch in 1925, there had been a constant struggle to keep his old position filled. At this time, this job was the responsibility of Percy, but he was one of the engines requiring serious work, and so Jesse was drafted in to cover for him.

Below: This is the only known illustration of Jesse, from the 1984 pop-up book James The Red Engine & The Troublesome Trucks. Obviously this is wrong on two counts: Firstly, the events of this book actually took place in 1925, whereas Jesse didn’t arrive until 1948; Secondly, the engine involved in this incident was actually Sarah (NWR #29).

It was hoped that Jesse might be able to permanently take over as station pilot, allowing Percy to be transferred to lighter duties on his return. Sadly, for whatever reason, it never worked out, and upon Percy’s return, Jesse was transferred instead, to Tidmouth Harbour, where he worked unseen and unsung for a number of years.

In the early 1960s, the NWR entered into an agreement to provide motive power for the Vicarstown Steelworks, it having no engines of its own. After numerous unsuccessful trials with various other engines, Jesse was approached and offered the job, which he accepted on the spot. It’s believed that he took the position to get away from some local trouble, but as of yet nothing’s been proven. In his time at the Steelworks, Jesse has ended up fading into such obscurity that the other engines are convinced that he was either sent away altogether, or never really existed to begin with.

Jesse’s obscurity is such that little is known about his personality. However, most engines who knew him at Tidmouth remember him to be extremely cheeky - moreso, perhaps, than Thomas. This is most likely what contributed to the rumour that he was sent away. In the years since then, though, Jesse has mellowed considerably, and those who still know him report that he’s a much quieter engine now.

Trivia

Jesse is obviously based on the Percy-alike seen in the illustration above. He’s actually stayed very much the same since I first came up with him, the only real difference being his name:

Initially, he was known as Todd, and he remained at Tidmouth Harbour following his transfer there.

Then he was renamed Lord Stackpole, which I’d previously used for another OC, based on the Hudswell Clarke engine Lord Mayor. He carried this name right up until fairly recently - while I was putting together my NWR Stocklist post, as a matter of fact.

Finally, the name Jesse came purely from taking the name of his real-life basis, and changing the spelling to reflect the masculine variant of the name.

[usemeasabadexample]

Bechloe Fic: The Kraken Has Been Unleashed

Summary: Chloe has a way with her. That’s for sure. And, as uncomfortable as it might make her to think about it in this very moment, Beca’s starting to wonder just what that really means.

Set at the beginning of Pitch Perfect 2. Kind of canon, kind of...not canon. Mostly fluff and fun and maybe some very mild angst at best. Nothing too stressful. We’ve been through enough of that!

Read on AO3

Chapter 10

Beca's alarm wakes her up way too early the next morning.

Usually, she'd snooze the clock ten times, roll out of bed and barely have time to brush her teeth before running to class. This morning is different though. It's the first day of her internship and she wants to be prepared.  Wants to look professional. And she's pretty sure professional doesn't include a messy bun with sweatpants and one of Chloe's Barden t-shirts.

So she gets up early. Showers and puts on something nice before grabbing a bowl of cereal.

“You look hot this morning DJ. What's up?” Stacie ambles into the kitchen and gestures to Beca's outfit while opening up the refrigerator.

Beca looks up from her breakfast. “Hey Stace.” She swallows the bite she just shoved into her mouth. “Nothing. Just...won't have time to change before the party later.” The stool screeches across the floor as she stands and drops her bowl into the sink. “See you tonight.” She grabs her things and rushes out before Stacie can ask anymore questions. Stacie can sniff out a lie from a mile away so the last thing she needs to do is play a game of 20 questions with the house genius.

“Can’t wait!” Stacie calls out as Beca hustles out of the door to get to her first class on time, excited for what the day holds.

-----

Jesse’s car is rounding the corner as Beca walks away from her last class so she picks up speed. She doesn’t trust him. He has a knack for embarrassing her in public places. Not maliciously. Just...dorky.  

“Hey superstar!” Jesse shouts out of the car window as he screeches to a halt. He leans over the center console to sling the passenger door open for Beca. “Damn! Work it Bec!”

Beca practically sprints the rest of the way to the car. “Oh my god.” She jumps in and slams the door, frantically trying to roll up the window. “Please shut up.”

Jesse laughs. “Is that any way to talk to your chauffeur for the day?”

“Keep it up and it’ll only get worse.” Beca side eyes him and adjusts the radio.

Jesse always plays late fifties pop songs and while Beca appreciates all types of music, she can't sit there and listen to it for extended periods. Although it does give her ideas for new mixes. Chloe always loves it when she mashes up old school songs with new stuff. Her thoughts stay trained on her best friend and she wonders what Chloe is up to. Between the rush of getting ready and trying not to freak out, there just wasn't time to see her this morning.

That's her excuse anyway.

If she's being honest, avoidance tactics may have been at work. She feels like absolute shit for keeping the internship from the redhead but she doesn't know how to broach the subject. Under normal circumstances, she knows she would be excited to tell Chloe. But there's a lot at stake for the Bellas right now and she doesn't want to add anything else to the older woman's plate. She wants Chloe to know that she's there and she's present and she's going to fight for them because letting Chloe down would be the worst feeling in the world.

Jesse's small talk forces her to dismiss the thought. They talk about classes and auditions and their last hood night party the Trebles are hosting later tonight and before she knows it, they’re pulling up to the Residual Heat Recording Studio.  

Her nerves bubble up again.

She's excited and hopeful but she still has the weight of guilt lingering in the back of her mind. Jesse reassures her that everything will be okay. He reminds her that she's worked hard for this opportunity and she deserves this shot.

She gives him a quick kiss before running away while he continues to holler out more embarrassing comments. He's definitely a nerd but he knows her well. His goofy antics have calmed her down considerably and she takes a moment to appreciate his charm before charging ahead.

-----

The afternoon is a blur.

She fucks up her name tag picture, makes a shit ton of coffee and hands out a lot of snacks. She's nobody important here but that's not the point. There's a lot to be learned. A lot to be gained. This is her shot. It's her first step into the world of music production and she's looking forward to paying her dues.

In a bizarre series of events, her boss unexpectedly storms into the office and announces they'll be producing a new Christmas album for Snoop Dogg. The Snoop Dogg. It's crazy but she stifles her excitement. She doesn't want to be labeled as some psycho newbie on her first day but relaxing isn't easy. Between draining her brain for a quick idea on how to make Snoop's new album original and the exchanges happening between this Dax kid and her boss, she’s struggling to control her reactions. Her facial expressions always give her away and the one she's wearing right now screams absolute confusion because Dax is now high-kneeing around the room and this is all really fucking weird.

Thankfully, her phone buzzes and it gives her a reason to look away from the train wreck happening in front of her. She has four messages, none of which she noticed earlier. They’re from Jesse, Amy, and Chloe respectively.

She opens Jesse's message first. It's some idiotic, cheesy 'hope everything is going well’ message and she replies by calling him a dork. It seems like her go-to word when referring to him.

She hesitates before opening Amy's messages because she never knows what the blonde is going to say. It's almost always inappropriate and usually impossible to understand, but she opens it anyway.

Shorty! Where is our toothbrush?!

Yep.

What the fuck does Amy mean by our toothbrush? Beca refuses to believe the obvious. That Amy is implying (more like directly stating) that they use the same toothbrush. That just cannot be right. And even if it is, why would it be missing?

She makes a mental note to buy a new one immediately.

Maybe two.

The second message is almost just as cringeworthy.

Your acawife was asking where you were! You're gonna be in the dingo house tonight!

The urge to roll her eyes is too strong to avoid so she rolls them around before deciding she will not be messaging Amy back. She clicks Chloe's message instead. It's the most recent one.

Trip to Copenhagen is all booked! AHH! :-P

Beca chuckles to herself. She can hear Chloe's voice singing the message in her head. It's cute but it also makes her feel bad because they haven't even discussed the issue of Worlds and Beca promised she would be there for Chloe.  Yet, here she is. At an internship that she still hasn't told Chloe about while the redhead sits at home and plans alone all afternoon. She knows she's going to have to address all of this at some point but how? This isn't really her area of expertise.

Another message comes through.

It's Chloe again.

You okay? Haven't heard from you today! :-(

Ouch.

Beca wonders why she acts like such a dick sometimes. There doesn’t seem to be any logical excuse. Especially when it comes to Chloe. She's the last person on Earth Beca wants to disappoint but it seems like it's destined to happen.

She takes a deep breath and types out a reply.

Sorry Chlo! Busy day. I'll see you at the Trebles’ later!

It's vague and lame but she can't tell the truth and she doesn’t want to outright lie to Chloe so she hits send and shoves her phone back into her pocket as her boss storms back into the room. She straightens in her seat and tries to blend in for the rest of the day.

-----

Beca exits the studio, overwhelmed and stressed, and throws her bag into the back seat of a cab before jumping in and giving the driver directions to the Bellas’ house.

She leans back and takes a deep breath that vibrates her through her lips on the way out. She knew this business would be cut-throat but wow . Today proved how messed up the music industry really is. The people are self-serving and the pace is incredibly fast and it feels like the multi-tasking skills needed to get through each minute are nearly impossible to master.

She’ll get through it though. She has to. This is her shot to get out there and start making a name for herself. This is her dream.

Plus, she’s glad to have the first day out of the way. It can only get easier from here.

Hopefully.

Possibly.

Who knows.

She shakes it off and pulls her phone out of her pocket. She hasn’t had a chance to check it since she messaged Chloe back earlier. Sure enough, there are a few new messages from her best friend. Chloe has no qualms about sending Beca multiple texts in a row. Even when Beca doesn’t answer right away, Chloe will continue babbling without worrying about whether or not she's being annoying.

If it were anyone else, Beca would probably send a string of expletives and permanently block their number. But, like everything else, Chloe is the exception. She smiles and opens their text thread.

Okay! Can't wait! XO

I hope they have the green punch!

Please bust out the cell phone dance move! I love it!!! ;-)

So, a Legacy showed up to our door tonight to audition and we accepted! She's totes amazing and you're going to love her!

I don't think we are breaking the rules bc she came to us! Loophole! :-D

BTW, Legacy means that her mom was a Bella. Her mom is THE Katherine Junk! Omg!

Beca chuckles at the enthusiasm in the messages and pictures Chloe grinning excitedly as she wrote them. A wave of anticipation hits her and she’s overwhelmed with the sudden need to get home as quickly as possible. She tells herself that she’s just anxious to get home after a long day but she knows that's a lie. Before reading those texts, she was tired. Even considered not showing up to the party but there’s a new energy flowing through her and she wills the cab driver to hurry the fuck up already.

When she finally makes it home, she throws her bag down, uses the bathroom, and races through the bushes to the Trebles’ house.

-----

Beca approaches the party, surprised at how out of control things seem already. It's still pretty early but the acapella crowd clearly came to party tonight. She wonders what type of trouble the Bellas are getting into and smiles thinking about all of their past Hood Nights. They've had some wild ones and she's sure this last one will be no different. Especially if Chloe has anything to do with it.

Chloe has a way of making Hood Nights, and most parties in general, more fun than they probably should be. Some of them, in particular, stand out for reasons that Beca isn’t prepared to think about right now. Mainly because they involve Chloe getting way too handsy.

But she already said she’s not thinking about that and scans the crowd for red hair instead.

Oddly enough, she can’t quickly spot her best friend but she spies Jesse sitting up on the deck. And because the night has her feeling light and giddy, she creeps up behind him and grabs him by the shoulders before giving him a quick peck on the lips.

His drink almost slips out of his hands and Beca mutters a quick “oh shit” before dropping down next to him. She takes a deep breath, ready to de-stress after such a crazy day, but Jesse starts asking about the internship and about Chloe and damnit.

“Oh, she’s just..she’s like, locked into the World’s right now and I’m looking for the right time. It’s-- I’ll tell her.” Beca tries to shrug it off like it’s no big deal but it dampens her mood and she excuses herself to grab a drink at the tiki hut. Why did Jesse have to bring up Chloe and the internship in the same sentence? Beca already feels like the absolute worst person in the world and the thought of Chloe having to ask Jesse for her whereabouts just makes it even worse.

This sucks.

Beca takes a huge gulp of whatever concoction is being served tonight and notes that it’s not the green punch that Chloe was hoping for but she can't dwell on it because she notices there’s a really tall girl just standing there staring at her. The girl's arms are stretched out towards Beca and she has no idea what’s about to happen.

“Hi!”

“Hi…” Beca responds hesitantly, still completely unsure.

The taller woman rambles something about being sisters and then it clicks for Beca. She realizes this is the girl- correction- the Legacy, that’s been added to their team.

“Oh yeah! Hi. Chloe texted me that we added a Legacy. I...didn't even know that was a thing.” She lifts her shoulders and gestures with her hands as she speaks. It feels odd.

The girl giggles and keeps staring at Beca so Beca just chuckles uncomfortably and takes another sip.

Then another.

And they're both just sort of standing there awkwardly.

Beca gives a tense smile and widens her eyes, which finally seems to break the other girl’s manic look.

She slaps her hands to her forehead way too hard. “Ouch! Oh my god. I’m sorry! I'm Emily. By the way. Sorry. I forgot that you didn’t know my name yet and I think the others have already started calling me Legacy so it’s totally okay if you want to call me that too I just figured you should know my real name because I totally-”

Beca reaches out and briefly touches Emily’s arm to stop her rambling. “Emily.” She pulls her hand away. “Nice to meet you.”

Emily beams and Beca really wants to get as far away from this interaction as possible.  

“We can get to know each other better later. Right now…” Beca uses her head to gesture across the yard where she can see a few of the Bellas bouncing up and down. “Let’s go catch up with everyone else.”

“Oh!” Emily nods rapidly and Beca thinks she looks like a battery operated bobble-head. “Yeah, definitely! Let’s go!”

Beca nods once before taking a shot and refilling her cup as Emily follows her into the crowd.

-----

“Beca!” Amy is the first person she encounters.

Of course.

She is immediately picked up and twirled around by the blonde. “Where have you been? Oh my god! Have you gotten taller? No! That’s not possible!”

“Amy!” Beca kicks her legs and starts to protest the manhandling but she sees a flash of red hair as she’s being spun around and the words die on her lips.

She starts laughing because jesus christ. It’s been a long day and it feels like she’s been waiting to see that red hair for way too long now. She presses on Amy’s shoulders and frantically wrestles herself out of the tight grip, almost toppling them both over in the process. Amy strings together a few choice expletives and she can hear Stacie muttering something inappropriate but it doesn't stop her.

She bounces right up to her best friend with a smile so wide she thinks her head might explode. “Chlo!”

Chloe’s head whips around and when her eyes land on Beca, her face actually does explode into a display of pure joy. She reaches out and grabs Beca, hooking her arm firmly around the shorter woman’s shoulders to drag her in close.

Chloe's laugh echoes in Beca’s ear and Beca can’t stop her smile from growing impossibly wider as she wraps her arms around the redhead’s waist as best as she can and squeezes back. The scent of fresh laundry and liquor invades her senses and it’s all a little overwhelming but it feels good and she can't help but sink further into it. She lets her body sway back and forth with Chloe's as she breathes her in. Exhilaration and borderline manic happiness taking over in the moment.

“Beca!” Chloe pulls back but keeps her arm firmly around Beca’s shoulder. “Where did you come from!? Where have you been!?” Chloe’s mouth is wide open and the way her eyes are bubbling with excitement reminds Beca of a shaken soda bottle. The look is scary powerful and Beca can’t find it in herself to formulate a response so she just laughs like crazy and brings her cup up from around Chloe's waist to clink it to redhead’s before taking another sip.

Chloe’s eyes stay trained on her as she downs the drink and it makes Beca feel like a shot of Red Bull has been directly injected into her veins. It travels through her entire body with lightning speed and everything inside of her buzzes to life.  She crushes the cup in her hand as she continues to drink, eventually cracking it. Remnants of the liquid leak down her arm but she keeps chugging. The atmosphere and the energy of the party has her head spinning and she just wants to let loose. Have fun.

She’s buying time too. Chloe’s presence is taking her to another level of excitement and she doesn’t know how to quite contain it at the moment. It feels like the cup is the only thing anchoring her to sanity at the moment.  

“Beca!” Chloe swats the crushed cup straight out of Beca’s hand, the last few drops splashing out when it hits the ground and Beca’s eyes widen but she doesn’t move. Her arm stays frozen in the air, invisible cup still in hand. Mouth still open.

And Chloe smiles.

It’s that mischievous, self-satisfied smile. The same one she used after their shower duet so many years ago.

Beca won't forget that look.  It makes her shiver but she smiles back, hand coming back down to squeeze Chloe around the middle again. "You're going to get into trouble tonight." Beca tuts, pretending to be put-off, "I can feel it."

Chloe nods enthusiastically, apparently thrilled by the notion, and moves both hands to Beca's shoulders. It brings the two of them face-to-face and she leans in to speak directly into Beca’s ear. "And you are already in trouble for getting here so late."

Beca’s chest tightens as Chloe pulls back to lock eyes but she keeps herself together. "Is that right?"

"Mhmm." Chloe is still nodding, all breezy happiness and cool confidence.  

"Well," Beca shrugs, doing her best to appear nonchalant, "what are you gonna do about it?"

Chloe drapes her arms further around Beca’s shoulders, big blinking eyes boring into Beca, “I’m going to dance with you."

Beca’s hands involuntarily squeeze the redhead tighter, fingers eventually pressing into Chloe hard enough that she’s afraid she might leave a mark. She panics momentarily, not wanting to hurt her best friend, but then Chloe’s laugh cuts through the party noise and the redhead is dragging her through a crowd of people back towards familiar faces that instantly start shouting when they see the duo approaching.

“Beca!”

“Chloe!”

“Bloe!”

“What’s up bitches?!”

“Where were you guys!?”

Beca dodges Amy’s swinging arms as Chloe continues to pull her into the circle of Bellas but all of her ducking and dodging distracts her right into Stacie’s waiting hands.

“DJ!” Stacie shouts, squishing Beca’s cheeks and before Beca can react, Stacie starts moving in with puckered lips. There’s nothing Beca can do because one of her hands is still wrapped up in Chloe’s and the other is no match for Stacie’s strength so she braces for the onslaught coming her way, eyes shut and lips sucked in.

But it never comes.

Instead of sloppy Stacie kisses, Beca feels herself being pulled out of the taller woman’s grasp. She sees a flash of red and green and her favorite smile and she lets herself collide with the person reining her in. Hands squish her cheeks again but this time, she doesn’t even consider trying to fight them off. Instead, she wraps her arms around Chloe and returns the smile, letting everything around her disappear because Chloe leans in and peppers her face with kisses that match the beat of the song and the thump of her heart.

It makes Beca feel giddy.

Goofy.

Like she’s already had too much to drink but she knows that can’t be.

And really, in the moment, Beca honestly doesn't care what the reason is.

What the feeling is.

All she knows is that Chloe is here and everything feels perfect so she grabs on tighter and pulls Chloe in closer. Squeezing and laughing like a crazy person.

"You're insane! You know that, right?!" She's borderline shouting to be heard over the music.

Chloe pulls back just long enough to look directly at Beca. Eyes dancing and hands squeezing Beca's shoulders tightly. She mutters a quick, "mhmm" and leans in again, bright blue eyes crossing briefly as they come nose-to-nose.

It makes Beca chuckle.

"I know." Chloe mumbles the words and kisses the tip of Beca's nose.

Beca takes a deep breath and lets the tingling feeling take over as the beat drops and she falls into step with Chloe.

[sowingseedsandshootinghoops]

Charles Dickens: Societal Problems in “Our Mutual Friend”

Note on the text: Our Mutual Friend by Charles Dickens published by Walter J Black

Charles Dickens is one of the best novelists that the world has ever known. His knowledge of nature is so deep and so penetrating that it rings true even now. 

He was a much better observer of human nature than he gets credit for. It has become vogue in recent times to see him as something of a caricaturist who only created characters that were one dimensional and over the top. 

But look at the way he introduces the characters of Lizzie Hexam and her father Jesse, who are sailing on the Thames, to us. How he tells us so much about these characters with so little text: “Allied to the bottom of the river rather than the surface by reason of the slime and ooze with which it was covered, and in its sodden state, this boat and the two figures in it obviously were doing that they often did, and were seeking what they often sought” (2). With only a few words we know instantly that they are professionals and the image that comes to mind from these few words is as rich and detailed as if they had been given a paragraph’s worth of adjectives. 

Again Dickens shows his genius in describing the minute details of human nature in the way that Jesse instinctively knows that Lizzie has noticed something on the river that he hasn’t: “What ails you?’ [asked] the man, immediately aware of [Lizzie’s change in attitude]. ‘I see nothing afloat’” (3).

It should not be a surprise therefore that someone who noticed the smallest details of human behavior, was also able to notice some of the broader details too. What Dickens seems especially interested in is the effect that education and money have on people. One of the things that he points out over and over again is how people who are in the privileged class often don’t notice how privileged they are and they aren’t aware of just how valuable those privileges are. People on the outside on the other hand are acutely aware of just how valuable those privileges are. Those who are educated, for example, don’t know just how much of a gift education is because “no one who can read looks at a book, even unopened on a shelf, like someone who cannot” (24). Lizzie is a poor girl who, as she tells her younger brother Charley, “would be very glad to be able to read real books” and who “feels her want of education very much” (40). She knows what the value of a good education is, which is why she sends Charley off to school later even though that means that she might not see him again. Contrast that with the image of the Veneering family who, although they are very educated and surround themselves with the crème de la crème of society, care so little about being educated that “any one who has anything to tell generally tells it to anyone else in preference” (18). These are the people who have the power and the privilege, and yet they cannot even recognize or appreciate the privilege that they have. 

Along with access to education comes access to higher paying jobs, and all power that money has access to. Dickens was acutely aware of the power that money wields in both the micro and macro scale. In terms of the micro scale, look at how Eugene describes the way in which his father found him a woman to marry to his friend: “My respected father has found, down in the parental neighborhood, a wife for his generally not well respected son’. ‘With some money of course?’ ‘With some money, of course, or else he would not have found her” (198). A rogue like Eugene, without any money, is intolerable and unmarriable. But a rogue with money is a different story altogether. 

Dickens is also aware however of the role that money plays on the macro scale. Just look at the way he describes what a gentleman with shares, the 19th century equivalent of a hedge fund manager, does: 

He goes in an amateurish, condescending way into the City, attends meetings of Directors and has to do traffic in shares. As is well known to the wise in their generation, traffic in Shares is the one thing to do in this world. Have no antecedents, no established character, no cultivation, no ideas, no manners, have Shares. Have Shares enough to be on Boards of Directors in capital letters, oscillate on mysterious business between London and Paris, and be great. Where does he come from? Shares. Where is he going to? Shares. Does he have any principles? Shares. What squeezes him into parliament? Shares. Perhaps he never achieved anything of himself in success, never originated anything, never produced anything! Sufficient answer to all: Shares. Oh mighty Shares! (154-155).

No where is the difference between the haves and the havenots in this book more evident than in a conversation that Mr. Podsnap has with an unnamed gentleman at a dinner party. They are discussing a report which has just appeared in the newspaper regarding six people who have died that week, in the streets, of starvation. Initially Mr. Podsnap says that he doesn’t believe that that actually happens to which the gentleman replies that they 

must take it as proved because [of] the Inquests and Registrar’s returns. ‘Then it was their own fault’ said Mr. Podsnap. . . . The man of meek demeanor intimated that truly it would seem [that] starvation had been forced upon the culprits in question. . . [and that] they would rather not have [starved to death]. . . if it had been agreeable to all parties. ‘There is not’, said Mr. Podsnap flushing angrily, ‘there is not another country in the whole world, sir, where so noble a provision of the poor is made as in this country’. The meek man was willing to concede that, but perhaps it rendered the matter even worse, as showing that there must be something appallingly wrong somewhere [in the system]. . . [and] wouldn’t it be just as well to try and figure out where? ‘Ah!’ said Mr. Podsnap. ‘Easy to saw ‘somewhere’; not so easy to say ‘where’! But I see what you are driving at. I knew it from the first. Centralization. No. Never. Never with my consent. [It’s] not English’. . . . [The meek man had no] favorite ‘ization’ that he knew of. But he was certainly more staggered by these terrible occurrences than he was by names of however many syllables. Might he ask if dying of destitution and neglect was necessarily English?. . . . [Might there be a way to ensure that the] laws [regarding the poor] were being properly administered? (190-191). 

At this point Mr. Podsnap quotes Scripture by saying that the poor will always be with us and cautions the young man to not attempt the impossible by feuding with God. When the young man attempts to say that he is not trying to go against God but is instead just trying to help his fellow man Mr. Podsnap interrupts him by saying that he 

must decline to pursue this painful discussion. It is not pleasant to my feelings. It is repugnant to my feelings. I have said that I do not admit these things. I have also said that if they do occur (not that I admit it) the fault lies with the sufferers themselves. It is not for me’- Mr. Podsnap pointed at ‘me’ forcibly as [if to add] by implication that it may be well for ‘you’- ‘it is not for me to impugn the works of Providence. I know better than that, I trust, and I mentioned what the intentions of Providence are. Besides’, said Mr. Podsnap flushing. . . with a consciousness of personal affront, ‘the subject is a disagreeable one. I will go so far as to say that it is an odious one. It is not one to be introduced among our wives and young ones, and I’, he finished with a flourish of his arms than anything [else] could, ‘And I remove it from existence’” (191-192). 

Doesn’t Mr. Podsnap remind you of people in recent times who, when they were told of a tragedy that was happening nationwide to members of an under privileged class, initially denied that anything was happening, and then, once they could no longer deny the fact, proceeded to blame the members of that group for their predicament? People who even after they realized that they could not blame those people for the predicament which they found themselves in, said that everyone should just simply celebrate the progress that the country has made and stop talking about it because they were tired of having the conversation and it was making them uncomfortable? Does this remind you of anyone? No? Just me then I guess. . . .

Not only does society despise members of the lower class, but it scoffs at the attempts that many people of class make in order to be able to enjoy the benefits that are being offered to members of the upper class. When Jesse Hexam is being derided for being a waterman and something of a grave robber, he retorts that it is better to rob a dead man who has no need of money than it is to rob a live one which is what a lot of other people do. Similarly people condemn Bella for wanting to marry a rich man, but who could blame her? Given the way that society treats poor people, who could blame her for saying that she “hate[s] and detest[s] being poor” and that because she cannot make money, beg for money, or steal money, she is resolved to marry into it (435)? But that is the difference between the haves and the havenots. The haves make the rules and the havenots have to live by them. The haves live in a world where they have privileges that they are not even aware they have, while the havenots must struggle to get by in a world that seems stacked against them. 

Charles Dickens was a very perceptive writer, and much of what he said about 19th century England still applies to America today. History doesn’t always repeat but it does often rhyme. It’s strange to know that people like Podsnap still exist today. We have a long way to go, but it’s important to keep fighting so that future generations don’t have to keep dealing with the same problems that we do. We must keep fighting. 

[lady-stardust-writes]

Missing You | Jesse McCree

You walked in the diner that you worked which was sadly located on the notorious Route 66, home of the infamous deadlock gang. With them around the panorama diner hadn’t seen business in years or at least not how it use to, but as long the doors were still open and the pay keeps coming you’ll continue to work there.

You walked into the kitchen greeting the cook on way in. Your grabbed you apron and put it on when your co-worker Ruth comes up to you in a hurry.

“Hey (Y/N) I really hate to do this to you but my babysitter has to go and I don’t have anyone to watch my little girl so forgive me asking but can you please take my shift?”

“Of course Ruth, now you go home and take care of my favorite little niece.” You said as she put her coat on and began to walk to the door but right when she got there she stopped to turn around to say something.

“I almost forgot that there’s a man over there that wanted coffee. That’s all I wanted to say but thanks again sweetheart.” She waved to you as she left leaving just you, the cook, and the mysterious stranger.

You sighed and grabbed a pot of coffee before making your way over to the costumer. While you slowly made your way to him, you noticed that he was wearing a hat that was quite common around here along with a red poncho. When you were finally in front of him and ready to pour his coffee did you suddenly know who he was.

“You fucking asshole!” You loudly said slamming the pot on table which caused some of it to spill but the man didn’t even flinch.

“Howdy darling. It’s been awhile.” He as if it he hadn’t been gone for almost several years. You were steaming but to hear him say that you couldn’t help but to slap him across the face.

“Dammit it woman since when did you get so strong.”

“When you left me and didn’t come back.” You glared at him as face changed from anger and pain to sorrow and regret. He motioned for you to sit down which you did begrudgingly. The two of you sat there in silence staring at each other leaving a strong tension in the air. Neither one of you wanted to start since they both know that the conversation set before them was not going to be a nice one, but with a heavy heart Jesse decided to start first.

“I’m sorry (Y/N) I’m really am, but I had to leave. I got mixed up in something big that you wouldn’t understand.” He tried to explain but he was interrupted by you. “Understand that you disappeared without a word. You don’t think I know what happened but Ashe told me everything, about how you sold out the gang for a better life without me.” She said with vemon dripping from through her words.

“Hey now you just wait a minute-“ he tried to get a word in but you wouldn’t allow him to. “Did you really actually want to get married to me? Was all the time we spent together mean nothing to you? Did you ever truly love m-“

“(Y/N)!” He yelled your name getting you to stop and stare at him with wide eyes. He never shouted at you in your life so to hear him do it now really made you stop and listen. Once he saw you were listening he sighed and looked at you.

“I want to start off with most of what Ashe told you is not entirely true. It’s true that I left the gang but I didn’t do it because I got offer for something better, I did it because I had no choice in matter, it was that or prison so I took the better option out of the two. Darling I wish things could have been different but they had me on a tight leash so if I so much stepped foot near this area or tried contacting anyone here I would be thrown in cell faster then I can I’m innocent.”

You felt your heart sink when once he was done. For so many years you thought he left you but to hear he had no choice made you feel horrible, all you wanted to do was apologize for all the time spent hating him. Tears swell in your eyes you tried to stop yourself from crying but there no stopping it as they flowed down your face.

Jesse reached his hand over and wiped away the tears which caused you to leaned into his hand. Him touching you brought back so many memories of the times you were together but the one memory that made you overjoyed was when he promised he would marry you.

You both were still so young but had been together since the deadlock gang originally moved there. Not a day would go by that the two of you weren’t with each other, only when he would go on heist but you were always there waiting there for him to get back and act as a medic for when he would get hurt and was shoulder to lean on when he needed support. You spent so much time that you were considered a honorary member of the gang which made him happy since they were like family to him.

………

But one faithful day that the two of you were laying outside on a starry night holding hands after a long celebration for recently successful heist when the happiest moment of your life happened.

“Jesse, what do you see in our future?” You had asked out of nowhere, but it was a reoccurring thought in the back of your head that he might wanted to split up because he had been acting wired all of that week.

“What do ya mean, darling? I think things being the same but the only difference being we’re old with wrinkles.” His statement made the both of you laugh but the nagging feeling still lingered in your head.

“I don’t know maybe I’m stressing over nothing but feels as if you’ve been distance this week, acting a little off.” You said looking down embarrassed that you had doubt.

“How would you if you feel if I said that I do see things different in the future?” You heart dropped hearing those words as you felt tears come to your eyes but managed to hold them in to respond.

“Then I would accept whatever happens.” You felt Jesse’s hand leave yours making you have to blink rapidly to stop from crying. You were going get up and go but then you saw something shiny being held in front of you.

“(Y/N) I know I’ve said this in the past many times but when I say I love you, I mean it and I love nothing more then to spend the rest of my life time with you let it be five or ten years as long as I’m with you I’ll feel complete. Will you marry me?” You couldn’t stop yourself as you cried after he was finished. You were moved by his words and what he’s asking.

You launched yourself at him wrapping your arms around his neck and kissing him. He caught you and return the kiss just as passionately as you before pulling away.

“Does this mean you’ll marry me?” He asked making you laugh and kiss him again.

“Of course I’ll marry you, Jesse.” He slipped the ring on your hand leaving you to smile at the greatest day of your life.

“I love you, Jesse.”

“I love you too, (Y/N).”

………

That memory was the most precious thing to you and to have Jesse right here in front of you reminded you of the love you felt back then makes you maybe think you still care a little more then you thought for him.

You grabbed his hand that was still holding your face and looked at him with hope in your eyes.

“I’m sorry for how I reacted and being rude,” You said which caused he smile.

“No harm done, darling.”

“Jesse I know that the chance of this is very unlikely but do you still have feelings for me?” The question made him stop in thought. He was your first and only love but if he didn’t feel the same way you would understand since it has been years last time they saw each other.

“You know I tried to forget about you once I knew I’ll likely never see you again, I was so sure you would move on and settle down with someone else. But to finding you here…well it makes me remember how much I truly missed you, (Y/N).”

“I feel the same way, Jess.” You said without thinking because although you were mad at the thought of him you never stopped loving him. With the air cleared and each other’s feelings being known they sat there quietly wondering where to go next. You reached across the table and grabbed his other hand noticing that he had lost his hand this made you sad you couldn’t be there for when it happened. You looked in his hazel eyes with sorrow but still smiled at him.

“I’m not sure if I’m ready to dive headfirst back into a relationship but after a little time I think we could be in one again, if you’d like to?” You could see his eyes brighten as he gripped your hands slightly tighter along with a smile creeping on his face.

“I’ll love nothing more, darling.” It was all well in that moment. Old lovers reunited knowing that they have second chance at being together and hopefully never taken away from each other again.

[onestowatch]

Teddy Swims on His Upcoming Debut EP, Writing Process, and Metamorphosis [Q&A]

It’s Spring time in Snellville, Georgia and the year is 2019. Teddy Swims is living in a spacious abode with his producer, his manager, his videographer, his photographer and all of the musicians from his former rock band (the Elefvnts). This was more than just a typical living arrangement in a party atmosphere. It was a bonding experience that lasted for about one year. And it was a pivotal time period where Teddy Swims developed a songwriting formula that would help him blend his love for R&B and Soul with heavy components of Country Rock and Pop music. The writing sessions at this house spawned the release of an original composition called “Night Off” and a series of cover songs that would go on to help Teddy Swims garner the attention of legendary mainstream recording artists like Shania Twain.

Fast forward to the year 2020. Teddy Swims has moved to Atlanta and he’s now signed to Warner Records. With the studio release of “Picky” firmly notched under his belt, the brand new artist has set out for greener pastures. We spoke with Teddy Swims about his upcoming debut EP, his writing process and his metamorphosis from rock singer to to hip-hop/R&B artist.

Ones to Watch: With the help of your band, the name Teddy Swims has generated quite the buzz on the internet. Especially after releasing a series of covers that range from hit songs by The Weeknd and Luther Vandross to Shania Twain and Vanessa Carlton. Who’s responsible for coming up with the arrangements of these renditions and how do you determine what songs to cover?

Teddy Swims: It’s all my guys man! When we did the first cover [“Rock With You”] by Michael Jackson, it was ten years after the day he died and that’s what started us doing covers in the first place. And then sometimes we’ll do a new song that’s out and we’ll try to kind of get ahead of the curve and maybe get a little play off of something that’s number one of the charts right now…but we rarely do it like that.

What kind of reaction have you gotten from musicians whose songs you’ve covered?

We recently re-cut and put out a new version of a Shania [Twain] record. We did that with Dave Cobb. He knows Shania and he sent that to her. So just hearing that she loved it and is a fan now--that’s what it’s all about!

You lived in a compound with your management team and all twelve members of your band for about a year. Tell me a little bit about the song selection process when it came down to finalizing tracks for your upcoming debut album. Was that something that you included the core members of your team in on or did you make those decisions on your own?

At the end of the day, I’m never going to say that my way is always the right way… We built this ourselves…I always say: ‘If there’s twelve of us here it’s not a democracy—it’s a jury.’ We can all figure out why we have to make a decision. But if there’s two or three people that don’t have the same answer as us, there’s always time to make sure that everyone can get on the same page. Because we trust each other and we have each other’s best interest at heart.

Your music videos seem to be just as charismatic as your live shows. Tell me a little bit about the inspiration behind the music videos for Picky (directed by Kevin Johnson) and Broke (directed by Joel Chivington).

We do it all in-house. This whole past year we’ve been in a house in Snellville [Georgia] that had all twelve of us living there. My band, my producer, my manager… our whole team. So, what we wanted to capture with those is the story of family. Everything that we filmed in most of the music videos is right here in our hometown of Conyers, Georgia. Which is like everything that you see from the bar and the candy store in “Picky” to the coffee shop. It was right here in Conyers.

I looked up some throwback photos of you on MySpace, your fashion sense has evolved so much over the past decade. I noticed a lot of Rock influenced clothing during your high school years, but then you slowly gravitated towards hip hop attire. How has your sense of style influenced your music and which genre are you truly the most comfortable in?

Sometimes we’ll write a song and it will come out so Country. And sometimes we’ll write a song that will come out so Hip-hop….I genuinely don’t know if I’ll ever find out what my [genre] is. I think we’re getting to a place with music where genres are absolutely fluid and [music] can be whatever you want it to be as long as it’s honest. As long as it feels like soul, that’s all that matters to me.

If you had to pick one genre for the rest of your life--which one would it be?

Soul music man…baby making music. I think that could be any genre. There’s soul in Country, there’s soul in Hip-hop and soul in R&B. I love to listen to a song and if you feel that nostalgic feeling even though you’ve never heard the song…that’s what I chase, no matter what the genre.

You’re from Conyers, Georgia, but you’re currently based in Atlanta. A lot of great musicians have come from your home state. You’ve mentioned in the past how much your home means to you. Who’s on your Mt. Rushmore of recording artists from Georgia and why?

Andre and Big Boi [from Outkast], Ray Charles, James Brown and Otis Redding.

I read that the SWIMS in your last name is actually an acronym that means: Someone Who Isn’t Me Sometimes. Give our readers an in-depth description of the personal meaning of that acronym for you. At what moment did Jaten Dimsdale become Teddy Swims?

Last year in March, my buddy Addy Maxwell (producer, guitarist, trumpeter) was building beats and sending them to rappers around the area in Atlanta and they would send stuff back. So back in March, we ended up creating this SoundCloud rap song. The next thing you know we had the opportunity to go on tour. So, we built thirty minutes of music and went on my very first tour, after ten years of being in bands—we went on tour as Teddy Swims. At that time, when we started the rap thing I was going by “Swims” which is an acronym that I saw on forums and it just meant someone who isn’t me. So, I thought that I could just kind of be whoever I wanted to be in rap and never really take it seriously. It was just going to be a little rap thing for me to not take seriously. And then, we took it on tour…and it just kind of stuck that way.

The coronavirus has caused recording artists who are signed to major record labels, like yourself, to drastically change their plans for 2020. But what about your plans for 2021? Are we going to get a debut album out of you next year? And if so, can you tell us a little bit about it?

I can’t say for sure but that’s the plan. We plan on having an EP out at the beginning of next year and an album out sometime next year…At this point we’re writing right now, so I don’t want to tell you what something’s going to be about and then change my mind…I’m scared to commit something. Maybe the album will be about my fear of commitment (laughs).

What events in your life have made you a better songwriter? Heartbreak? A tragic loss? Falling in Love?

I’ll definitely say that I tend to put myself in situations to sometimes get hurt, to write better songs.  Some of my worst heartbreaks have been the best songs…it’s definitely been super inspiring in making me deal with some things that I don’t like dealing with and focus on some matters that I didn’t know that I needed to focus on.

What’s a typical writing session like between Teddy Swims and Elefvnts?

We have a B Room Studio and an A Room Studio in our old house. So I might be tracking vocals on something from yesterday and (the band) might be working on something or maybe Jesse [Hampton] has his own laptop and he’s recording a guitar and he just drops [the track] in the dropbox and the next day Addy [Maxwell] pulls it up and hears some piano and puts a beat behind it. And the next day I might pull it up on my laptop and then get an idea and write and then we all get together and kind of piece it together. So, we just put a bunch of files in a dropbox and people will just pick songs and say: “Oh I have an idea for this!” We are able to sometimes be in the same room and just jam and write. But before (Covid-19) we were able to just jam as a band and always be playing, which was great.

Not including anyone that you are currently working with, who would be your dream executive producer and why?

I would always have to say my best friend in the world, Lee Rouse (the band’s producer and engineer). But if it was someone that I wish I could work with? I’d have to say Timbaland. A record with Timbaland would be crazy! Pharrell would be crazy too…And Dr. Dre of course.

What kind of music do you think you and Dr Dre. could make together?

I don’t know (laughs). I’d do whatever he tells me to do. I’d be like: “You’re the man, whatever you say. Let’s go!” I would die to meet him, just to pick his brain and get the wisdom because I’m always a student to it. I would want to learn the mindset from producer to CEO to everything. Because that is everything that I want to be.

You donated the proceeds of What’s Going On (a song originally recorded by Marvin Gaye) to the NAACP Legal Defense and Education Fund. Why’d you decide to donate to that cause in particular?

When we did it, I put a grand in to five different [social causes]. I wanted to give to something that was a bigger conglomerate in that way…I am so strong of a believer in the Black Lives Matter movement. Here we are, two hundred years later and we can’t open our eyes. I think that “What’s Going On” is perfect song written at the perfect time and it still just as powerful today!  I think that says a lot about us as a society…We always hear about the Breonna Taylors and the George Floyds, but there’s so many people like that who are getting brushed under the rug. In my hometown, there was a kid two years ago named Shali Tilson. He was having a mental health episode and he was arrested. When he got in the Rockdale County Jail, they put him in solitary confinement for nine days with no food or water and he died. A 22-year old black man. Nothing has been done about it…. So, if I could say anything, I encourage people to look into what’s going on in your small towns. There are small towns like Conyers where this has been happening for years and it just gets brushed under the rug.

[mr-stjames-icon]

Words Fail: Self Para/Starter?

@imcooperanderson​

Jesse laughed softly at her question. “What was I like in High School? God, that takes me back.” He chuckled string his iced tea with his reusable straw. The sound of the ice clinking against the glass filled the air as his smile slowly vanished. He gave a small shrug and shook his head reflecting on his time at Carmel. “I… I wasn’t a nice guy. I had one goal and that was to be the best. Better than anyone else. I joined the best show choir in the country. I rose to the top of the ranks and we won. Year after year and year. We won four consecutive National Titles and it felt… Amazing. To know everyone in that audience is cheering for you? There’s no greater feeling. The rush of going onto stage to belt out those first notes, the way the heat touches your skin from the lights… It’s ecstasy.” He began softly. “You know what was the best? Coming home with that trophy. Showing my folks I did something that awesome. I guess I always felt like I had to prove I was better than who I was to them because I was never really theirs…” He didn’t meet her eye knowing that perhaps she might feel the same. “It was amazing entering school with that trophy. Everyone loved you.  Everyone wanted to take a photo with you and everyone was dying just to be close to you… I thought those times would never end.” Jesse admired his hard work back then, he was proud of almost everything he had done. 

His thoughts turned to Rachel and how he had hurt her. How he had chosen a trophy over a relationship that actually made him feel something back then. He threw it all away for a fourth consecutive National Title. For a first trophy, sure but he had always regretted the actions of his former self. “Okay Sea Monkey, I’m going to go start dinner…” He sat patting her shoulder gently as he hid himself away in the kitchen, 

Jesse looked out of the window of the kitchen and to the garage where Cooper was. Had he been doing that now? Was he still choosing a trophy over love? In his eyes their relationship had always started with a drunk kiss which evolved into so much more. Cooper was the reason Jesse knew he liked dudes. Cooper was the person to make him feel that way Rachel made him feel all those years ago. But there was no trophy this time, at least not one that was obvious to him. 

He had noted his absence of late and his mind couldn’t help but wonder if Cooper did worry he didn’t like him. It was understandable, he was harsh, rash and critical. But that was how he had always been. Carmel demanded the best and there was no room for weakness. It was lessons he had carried with him, even into his adulthood. It had made him a great director and a fantastic actor willing to take on as much feedback as possible. He was tough but only because he cared. 

Jesse turned on the oven and started to busy himself with the food as he reflected further. The fights they had, the arguments, the tears that they had both shed. They had both been through a lot together. The ups and downs, the ugly and the beautiful. Jesse had always found answers in Cooper, answers to questions he didn’t even know he had. He would have never moved back to LA, not after the first time around. The embarrassment of being kicked out of UCLA. The way people talked about him, like he was some kind of idiot, a kid who had a pretty face but nothing upstairs. But here he was. Living in a house and now coaching a new show choir. It was something that a few months ago he would have found absurd. In fact, he had only ever had hopes of living and dying in New York. It was his home but he had come to the realisation that his home wasn’t New York. It wasn’t Broadway and it certainly wasn’t their old apartment. It was Cooper. 

Their family was expanding beyond anything he had ever dreamed. He had Moriah who he loved, of course. But now they had a teenage foster-daughter, a kid that needed a lot of love. Jesse admired that girl beyond anything he would care to admit, even to himself. Ramona would be in foster care still if the two of them hadn’t come along. They would have an empty room filled with meaningless trophies where a bed currently lay. 

It was nice to feel loved. To wake up every morning next to someone and see their face, just knowing that they trusted and loved you was a blessing. Waking up next to Cooper was the best part of his day because he was still by his side. They had both gambled in this life but his best risk had always been that brown eyed boy. Perhaps he had been too harsh in recent times, perhaps the quarantine was to blame or perhaps it was time to let down those walls. Cooper was the man he had decided to propose to. The man who he wanted to give marriage a try with again. He trusted him, didn’t he? 

Of course he did and he knew Cooper trusted him in return. While he had never been good at being emotionally supportive, he appreciated the trust that Cooper had put into him. Perhaps it was time to lower the guard. Jesse opened the fridge and poured himself a glass of wine. He swirled the liquid in the glass and quickly downed it. Would it kill him to be honest with Cooper? 

Jesse lowered the oven’s heat and left the house making his way to the garage. He was about to knock and enter when he stopped himself. Did Cooper even want him here? The two had seemed quiet and indifferent with each other of late and he wasn’t sure why. All he knew was that things had changed. 

He took a step back and looked at the door in front of him contemplating knocking and telling him that he loved him. Deciding the best way to tell him how much he truly loved him. More than anything. But that voice was being pulled down back into his throat by the tiny hands of the devils from years long ago. 

Jesse ran a hand through his hair as the words ‘man up St James’ flooded his head. ‘Pull yourself together. We can’t win this with you being emotional.’ He brushed a tear from his eyes and kicked a nearby bush cursing under his breath. Why couldn’t he do this? Did he even need to do this or was it all in his head? 

That was when an idea struck him. Jesse rushed back into the house and found Ramona still on the sofa where he had left her. “Ramona, I need your help.” He grinned happily in his checkered navy shirt. 

*

It took a lot of doing to keep Cooper out of the house, a lot of convincing and a lot of distraction, but the two had managed to do it. Jesse had turned the living room into their own personal fort filled with all the nerdy shit he loved. There was printed posters of Star Wars on the walls, black curtains with cut out stars placed around the blanket walls of the fort and candles safely lit to provide that natural glow of life within the fort. He sprayed soft vanilla around the room and selected Disney + on the TV apps. He loaded up the first Star Wars movie and finally, he headed out to Cooper. 

Jesse knocked and only when he was told to enter did he do so. “Okay, so here’s the thing: Doofus. I love you and I know you’re not an idiot. Myself and Sea Monkey have deliberately been keeping you out of the house today and that’s because I have a surprise for you. 

He took his hands softly in his and led him into the living room to show off their handy work. The Star Wars theme was playing in the background courtesy of their digital assistant and Ramona stood proudly by their homely fort wearing her hair in Leia’s signature buns. 

“You tell anyone I did this and I’ll kick you in the nads.” She teased lightly as she admired their handy work on her hair. 

Jesse took both of Cooper’s hands in his and looked at him. “I know I’m hard on you sometimes and I’m sorry. I think I’ve been a little too mean on you recently and I’m sorry… God, this is killing me to say that word so many times in such a short time…” He paused. “I’m sorry for that comment. But right now, I want you to forget about anything other than Luke Skywalker finding out he’s a jedi. Going to fight Darth Vadar on the Death Star to rescue Princess Leia and meet Han Solo and the carpet. I haven’t been honest with you Cooper. I watched all those dumb movies the day you told me that you were cast in Mandalorian. I support you in everything you do and I want for you, right now to join us in a family film night watching the first movie. Well, technically we’ll be watching the fourth movie in the series but the first to be released into the world. Did you know originally it was going to be called Blue Harvest and that it was only ever called Star Wars not Star Wars: A New Hope?” He clicked his tongue proudly. “That’s right, I did my research.” He turned to Ramona mouthing; “Did I get that right?!” Only for her to shrug. 

“Pizza is on the way, I made sure to order your favourite, plus there’s a cold bottle in the fridge with your name on it. We can’t go out for date night so baby, I brought date night to you. Will you be my date?” He asked innocently. 

[rosalind-of-arden]

Sword and Pen Reread, chapter 13 part 1

It’s Wolfe chapter time! I am sure it comes as no surprise to anyone at all that this is my favorite chapter in the book. Splitting the post because this is looooooong.

In the ephemera, we have some Russia-Archivist collusion. The assassins that killed Murasaki were Russian spies. The Archivist sold weapons to Russia. It’s been just two days since the Archivist lost power. There’s no way he set all of this up so fast. He’s been scheming with Russia and developing secret weapons for some time. How did he get the weapons to Russia, though? Were they hidden somewhere outside Alexandria? Translated out by Vanya Nikolin?

The Russian ambassador is surprised the Archivist never used the new weapons in Alexandria, and a little suspicious. I suspect the Archivist would have done just that if the pack showed up at the gates with an army instead of taking control from within Alexandria.

Wolfe’s discomfort with violence: describes Anit’s forces as “unpleasantly good at killing”, doesn’t want to kill the Elites who surrendered. Here’s some foreshadowing of the stabbing moment. He recognizes that killing the Elites would be easier, but he considers that “a terrible thought.” (Is it just because of circumstances that Wolfe sends the prisoners with Anit? Or is he glad for the opportunity to let someone else do the dirty work?)

But also, Wolfe’s appreciation of skill at violence: he has appreciative comments about the fighting skills demonstrated by the Elites, the criminals, Jess, and Glain.

Glain is not ok: “She looked pale and strained now as the adrenaline departed.” (Coincidence that Wolfe is good at recognizing signs of adrenaline rush wearing off? I think not.)

Dad Wolfe, overestimating his warrior daughter’s abilities: “And if I’d come with just you and Jess-” “We’d all be dead,” she said. At his look, she smiled. “I’m good, Scholar. Nobody’s that good.” “Well, perhaps you’re-” YOU ARE SUCH A DAD, WOLFE.

How much of Wolfe only just recognizing that Jess is dying was because Jess was hiding symptoms well and how much was Wolfe being in denial?

“He’d been afraid of this. Afraid that his obsession, his lack of sensible caution, had finally cost a life. Worse still, the life of someone he cared for.” First of all, you know things are bad when Wolfe admits to feelings. But also, echoes of the conversation between Wolfe and Santi after the training exercise in Paper and Fire, when Santi yelled at Wolfe for being reckless and getting the recruit in Glain’s squad killed. This is an argument those two have been having for a long time - I’d guess it even predates Rome. Recklessness is a flaw Wolfe knows he has, and his self-criticism when he recognizes it is brutal. He’s not giving himself a break for recent traumatic experiences or the extreme pressure of the situation.

“Glain had a soft streak in her. In that she reminded him of himself. Rather strongly.” Wolfe has just admitted to having feelings, y’all. This is a sign of how bad things are. But also: yes, you asshole, we’ve known about that soft side all along. You were fooling no one.

A lot of “boy” in reference to Jess. With Jess so weak, Wolfe is thinking of him as more of a child. It’s bringing out Wolfe’s dad side more. Or, I mean, I’m sure there are sinful things that one might make of this.

“I’ve killed him. The thought struck deep, and it hurt so badly he drew in a startled breath.” Wolfe is having Feelings and I just cannot get enough of it. Uncontrolled, audible to others Feelings.

So what does Wolfe do after showing undeniable emotion? Pile on the praise for Jess’s contribution to the fight and threaten to nail the mask to Jess’s face.

Wolfe and Santi have already worked out pretty much everything that the Archivist tries. They know each other’s thinking well enough that Wolfe is very confident in telling Glain that Santi has already thought of the places she suggests the Archivist might attack. The only things they missed were the Tomb of Heron and Archivist’s ability to get assassins and himself into the Serapeum. 

Wolfe’s struggle to think of where the Archivist might go next is another sign that he isn’t at his best.

Wolfe: I am very polite and totally not reading other people’s Codex messages except that I kind of accidentally skimmed it and got the important bits.

High Garda and smugglers both pay and care for the families of people killed in battle.

“There was a certain chilly certainty to that, and Wolfe felt it down his spine. He made his tone especially bitter when he said, ‘Enough chat, children.’“ Wolfe: *has a feeling* Wolfe: *acts like an asshole to cover it up* You are fooling no one, Wolfe.

Wolfe has a soft spot for Anit. First he gives her a lion in Ash and Quill, now he’s offering her two or three favors as long as those favors aren’t books from the Archives. Wolfe’s not just a dad, he’s the dad who makes sure that his kids’ friends are all taken care of, too.

Wolfe threatens to have Jess strapped down to a hospital bed. Wolfe worries because Jess doesn’t argue with that. He knows how much Jess is like him.

Wolfe seems to intuitively grasp that the sphinx is being controlled. He feels the Archivist’s presence in it when it comes back. He doesn’t seem to know about the magic mirrors. Is he sensing something with his limited Obscurist talent that he isn’t consciously aware of?

Archivist’s first name, which Wolfe “hadn’t used in ages”, is Theo. This is the only use of his name in the entire fucking series. Short for something? Theodore (Greek origin, meaning “divine gift”, which I’m sure the bastard thinks he is) comes to mind first, but a quick browse through a couple baby name sites shows that there are a lot of other variants. Notably, I do not see any Russian versions of the name, so we can probably rule out the possibility that he’s so cozy with the Russians because he’s Russian himself.

But it’s also such an awesome moment for Wolfe to get to call the Archivist by his first name. Wolfe has been putting up with people in power calling him “Christopher” without permission, now he gets to turn the tables. It’s even more insulting to the Archivist, and Wolfe knows it.

Santi made sure Wolfe wore armor. This is good protectiveness: not controlling Wolfe’s actions, but urging him to take reasonable safety precautions.

“he felt a sharp twinge in his shoulder that warned him he was neither as athletic nor as limber as he’d once been” A sign of age here, yes, and a potential long-term symptom from torture, but I’m also seeing this as a sign of how Wolfe’s life has changed in recent years. Even just the events of the books would take a toll. Then along with the obviously devastating physical effects of his imprisonment in Rome and the effects of PTSD, there was Santi keeping him “locked up” for 6 months between Ink and Bone and Paper and Fire. How many of his normal activities weren’t safe/permitted for him in the time between Rome and his teaching assignment? The kids see Wolfe as impressively athletic for a Scholar, but this line suggests that he used to be even more so.

Glain says she can’t use Greek fire. This means that Glain has Greek fire. Did the promotion come with Greek fire carrying privileges?

Wolfe, with his arm in a sphinx’s mouth, has to resist the urge to respond to Jess with a lengthy, snarky answer.

Another addition to Wolfe’s knowledge: anatomy. He’s very aware of what arteries the sphinx could claw open.

“Stay alive for Nic, if not for yourself.” Another little hint that Wolfe isn’t entirely ok. Echoes of his statement in Ash and Quill that he stays alive for Nic even though he has suicidal thoughts.

“Dying in a graveyard seemed like the most ignominious end of end of them all. He wasn’t having it.” First, even in his own thoughts, Wolfe backs off from emotional intensity with sarcasm. Second, Wolfe-Dario parallel here, with Dario later complaining about not wanting to die like a commoner.

For all his “I’m not that athletic” thinking, Wolfe is... pretty fucking athletic here. He’s worn himself out, though. He has to catch his breath while the automata are fighting, and he can only run part of the way back. Once the adrenaline wears off, he’s walking.

Wolfe has a nasty bruise from the sphinx bite. @thegreatlibraryfangirl​, how does that play with your injured wrist headcanons? Any chance this injury is worse than Wolfe thinks it is?

[goodproofingwater]

Wildfire Records: Breaking America - Chapter Twenty

Word count: 1873 Playlist: Sorry - Nothing but Thieves press play when you see the *

Sunlight broke through net curtains easily, the blonde who lay sprawled on the bed clutching at sheets and hoping for the smell of her coconut shampoo frowning as the morning sun permeated his eyelids. 

Frowning, he sat up and let out a heavy sigh as he noted his dreams had been just that, the hope he had held that he would awaken and she would be in arms fading with each exhale. 

Marks on his back made his stomach twist as he washed the scent of her from his skin, the memory of her holding on so tightly and moaning so deliciously for him at the forefront of his mind and he couldn’t even relieve himself of the thoughts because he was just so sad. 

He got dressed and made his way down to the bus to get changed, the sight of her leaning against the bus as Andy made her laugh hurt so much that he just moved past them, stepped onto the bus and changed before he lay on his bed and stared at the bottom of Danny’s bunk. 

Why had he been so fucking stupid? Why had he ruined the only good thing in his life? And for what?

The sound of the rest of the band getting on the bus forced Josh to pull himself together. He sat up and moved to the kitchen area, sitting opposite her and busying his hands by rolling a joint. 

“I can’t believe I went to bed so early in Vegas” Andy shook his head, sipping a can of coke as his arm draped around Victoria, her body leaning into him for comfort. It was so strange sitting opposite Josh after the night before, so weird not waking up in his arms and holding his hand and the fact that he couldn’t even look at her upset her so much that she was barely holding herself together. 

“You didn’t miss much..” Victoria lied, Josh's eyes darting up to hers and then away as he licked along the paper, tapping the joint on the table before he stood, “although I think Danny lost quite a lot of money”

Andy looked between Josh and the redhead, his heart hurting as he saw them both so broken. Even though, and maybe because, he had previously been the cause of their misery, he felt partially responsible for the way things were now. 

Of course, Josh should never have gone to Jess’ hotel room, but maybe Victoria would have found her way back to him by now if he hadn’t given in and kissed her in her bed? 

It wasn’t until they were backstage at their show in Pheonix a week later that Andy realised that he had to help. 

Josh sat on the leather couch chugging beer after beer as he watched Victoria flirting with the sound guy, a tall, dark and handsome man covered in tattoos who had even made Juliet’s head turn for a moment. Piercing blue eyes had made even Danny falter in his speech as they sound checked, but the man only had eyes for the auburn-haired woman. Josh stated as his stomach twisted uncomfortably as her hand made contact with his arm, the flirting obvious even from across the room. 

“What does she even see in him?” The blonde spoke, popping open another beer as passing one to Andy, “you, I can get it you’ve got that like...sexy cocky asshole thing you do but he’s just..”

“Wow..” Andy grinned at his friend, shaking his head at the words, “talk about a backhanded compliment” 

“Oh shut up, you know what I mean…” he waved him off, the beer coursing through his veins numbing him enough that he didn’t realise he had called his best friend sexy. 

Josh didn’t even look away from staring at the interaction when she looked up, his shoulders falling as she stood in front of the sound guy and his arms wrapped around her as he taught her about the sound desk. She looked so comfortable with someone else, as if the other night had been nothing. Maybe it had been for her. Maybe all she needed was closure and he had given it to her that night. 

“You realise that she wants you back right?” Andy spoke, picking at the label of the bottle as the version of himself that was still in love with Victoria told him to shut the fuck up. A short and sarcastic laugh fell from the blonde's lips before he could stop it, and he shook his head as he looked down at his own beer bottle, “right. That’s why she’s all over fucking Deren or whatever his name is” 

“She’s trying to make you jealous..” it was clear as day to the redhead, but he supposed not as much to someone in his friends situation and although Victoria had been clear that she wanted Josh back it was obvious that she wanted a distraction, “honestly Josh all I’ve heard from both of you is how much you want each other. You gotta stop being an idiot—“ Andy held his hand up as the blonde began to protest, “you both gotta stop being idiots and just properly talk. There’s no way in hell she wants to be with that guy, or anyone else…”

His mind immediately darted back to the way she had moaned against his lips, the way her skin felt beneath his grip and for a moment he regretted mentioning anything that could have got them back together. It was a shit situation to be in, to have been such a horrible and different person when on drugs and then pay for the consequences when you’re sober, but it was much better than being high all the time. At least he liked himself now even if he didn’t have the girl of his dreams to wake up to anymore. 

“You really think so?” The blonde's voice was quiet as he allowed a rare moment of anxiety to shine through. “I don’t know man. The other night she told me she needed space even after we—“

He stopped himself, not knowing if she wanted anyone to know what had happened but it was too late. A small smirk washed over Andy's face as Josh looked away, and the redhead nudged the younger man’s arm, “she wouldn’t have slept with you if she didn’t want you back..”

“Maybe she just wanted to have sex. We were really drunk..” he took a sip of his beer and tried to forget that she didn’t say she loved him back before his next words, “and you had gone to bed so..”

Andy swallowed thickly and what his friend was implying and then shook his head, “Just talk to her. When you’re ready, just tell her everything you’re feeling. I know you and I know you’re holding back to save face but what’s more important? Saving face or getting her back?” 

Josh held the bottle to his lips as he stared past her, the question not even anything to consider really but he needed a moment to process just how right Andy was. He beckoned Danny over from where he was standing by the food table and looked between his two best friends eagerly.

“Hey.. do you remember that tune that we wrote right when we moved to London? Do you think you could remember how to play it? I have an idea for the lyrics.”

—

The show went smoothly, and it gave Josh hope that Victoria once again stood on the sidelines and watched them. He had half a mind to bring her out when they played red and serenade her but he knew that would have been too much, and he settled on glancing over during the song and hoping she noticed. 

“Have you guys ever done something really fucking stupid?” He spoke to the crowd, and Andy couldn’t help but grin between Danny and Josh as he sipped his water. 

“Something so stupid that when you wake up the next day it just.. it just doesn’t make any sense that you could ever have thought it was a good idea? Something which hurt someone you fucking love so much?” The crowd roared to his words. 

“This song is an old one from way before Wildfire Records picked us up, but it… well I only wrote the lyrics after a situation like that.. one which happened quite recently..” 

*He looked over at Victoria on the sidelines as he spoke, “this one is called Sorry..”*

The band ripped through the song, a slow yet powerful tune which they had originally only written the music for, and the lyrics which Josh penned that very evening were so obviously about Victoria.*

You might kill me with desire Wind me tighter than a wire It's something that you do to me I run away like mercury And I know you think it's rough When you're try'na patch us up And I say honey what is love? You just say I drink too much Maybe I'm defective Or maybe I'm dumb I'm sorry, so sorry for what I've done Maybe I'm bad natured Or maybe I'm young I'm sorry, so sorry for what I've done And I'm the t-shirt that I wear Pick the thorns out of my hair I broke your heart so carelessly But made the pieces part of me And now it hurts what we've become 'Cause you taught me how to love It's me who taught you how to stop And you just say I drink too much Maybe I'm defective Or maybe I'm dumb I'm sorry, so sorry for what I've done Maybe I'm bad natured Or maybe I'm young I'm sorry, so sorry for what I've done I've waited for this I'm ready for it I've waited for this I'm ready for it I’ve been waiting so long Maybe I'm defective Or maybe I'm dumb I'm sorry, so sorry for what I've done Maybe I'm bad natured Or maybe I'm young I'm sorry, so sorry for what I've done

Victoria watched as they played a song she had never heard before, Josh's glances at her every now and then making her well up and she missed him so much that it meant everything that he was apologising so publicly. Of course, she had told him she needed space, but it had become clear today with how much she had played up once she had noticed Josh was watching her and the sound guy that all she really wanted was him to apologise, to continue to apologise until she could believe that he was telling the truth. She realised she had been unfair, that even though he had done something wrong he didn’t deserve her dangling Andy in front of him, or for her to deny her love when he had been so open with her when they had slept together.

She was so in love with him that all it took was a look for her to be convinced. For better or worse, she was done with fucking around, done with doubting and punishing him. He was easily the best thing in her life, and it was time to make it right.

[queen-susans-revenge]

I don’t have time to do it right now but one of these days I really need to write down everything I learned from alt.tarot back in the day Some of it is about tarot but more of it is about how to fight with people on the Internet. I was reminded re-reading the Dickwolf Discourse and how Mike’s hard-won lesson from that is that he could have Just Stopped much earlier. Just Stopping is a great skill that I learned through many bruising fights on Usenet and specifically alt.tarot. See, most people who think they are Knowledgeable About Tarot in fact are Jon Snows to the subject: they know nothing. The received wisdom on tarot is complete garbage; you can easily spend years and read dozens of published books and come away believing things like “tarot was invented by gypsies and contains secret wisdom smuggled out from the fall of the Library of Alexandria.” Insert Luke Skywalker gif: every part of that is wrong. Playing cards were actually invented by the Chinese, reached Europe around 1360, and in the middle of the fifteenth century Italian nobles started using tarot decks to play a trick-taking game resembling bridge. The so-called Major Arcana, or trump cards, were mostly drawn from Petrarch’s poem I Trionfi which translates to “The Triumphs” (triumph=trump). I Trionfi was enormously popular, especially in Italy, and you see imagery from it everywhere during the time period and all kinds of card decks using it. (Looks down at wall of text I have just produced. Whelp. Time for a read-more!)

So almost nobody knows this basic fact, that the structure of the Major Arcana and a lot of the imagery on the cards comes from Petrarch originally. Instead they spend years reading dumb newage books that all regurgitate the same content, like, “Death doesn’t mean death, it means change.” To Petrarch, and to the Renaissance Italians, and to the likes of Waite and Crowley, Death literally meant death. Now they all believed that there were things like Christian faith that could triumph over/trump even death: Petrarch’s poem is structured like a Roman triumphal parade except with metaphysical forces involved, so like the great conquering emperor is brought low by the power of love, and the lovers in turn are brought low by the power of chastity, and the chaste in turn are brought low by the power of death, but death is conquered by fame, and fame is conquered by time, and time is conquered by the eternal Kingdom of God. This is the basic procession that you see in the trump cards. And yes this does mean that tarot was also explicitly Christian, from the beginning, and remained so even as the robes-and-wands set started appropriating Jewish kabbalah and mapping tarot onto it. That happened in the eighteenth century, in France. The two dudes responsible are Antoine Court de Gébelin and M. le Comte de Mellet, two more names that most people who think they know a lot about tarot will never have heard of. The line goes from them through Eliphas Levi, Papus, Wirth, those guys, through to Waite and then Crowley. Now all these dudes were occultists, and occult means clandestine, hidden, secret, so as you might expect they were not at all good at clearly explicating their beliefs. Back on alt.tarot I used to use a Waite quote as my signature: “Superfluities and interpretations notwithstanding, it is directly, or indirectly, out of the recent view, thus tentatively designated, that the consideration of the present thesis emerges as its final term, though out of all knowledge thereof.” (That’s from The Hidden Church of the Holy Graal. It’s all like that.) So, it’s definitely not their fault that most people don’t know about Petrarch and kabbalah and what Crowley really meant when he made such a big goddamn deal about how “Tzaddi is not The Star.” Even when the likes of Crowley or Waite did write books supposedly detailing the meaning of the symbolism of their decks, they threw in lots of misdirection and outright lies “to mislead the uninitiated.” Kabbalah is the key, they’ll tell you, but they won’t tell you that they used it as an athbash--forward and back, just like the Fool’s Journey goes both up and down the Tree of Life; divine power can be called down into Malkuth, the physical world, but one born into Malkuth can also ascend to Kether, unmediated experience of the divine. (So The Star is both Tzaddi and Heh.) Anyway, if you can’t trust the newage books and you can’t trust the occult books, are there any good books on tarot? Yes, there are two: Gertrude Moakley's groundbreaking (and out of print) book The Tarot Cards Painted by Bonifacio Bembo for the Visconti-Sforza Family: An Iconographic and Historical Study, and the equally groundbreaking and equally out of print Rhapsodies of the Bizarre, a collection of essays by Court de Gébelin and M. le Comte de Mellet, with translation and commentary by J. Karlin, the terror of alt.tarot. Jess Karlin was not his real name. He knew more about tarot than, I gradually came to believe, anyone else in the world. He was a jerk, and proud of being a jerk: Thelema is a religion of war, he said, and he came not to affirm but to destroy. He was my teacher, and he taught me a lot, and I tried to repay him both with money and by acknowledging the debt whenever the subject comes up, like now. One of the things he taught me was how to learn from someone who is giving you an actual answer but insulting you while they do it. (Try ignoring the insult and saying thank you, for the answer. They may have more to teach.) I say Karlin knew more than anyone else in the world because the academics after Moakley were disappointing; the field became dominated by playing card historian Michael Dummett, who was so invested in debunking the occultists that he really doubled down on trying to argue that no link between tarot and fortune-telling existed before the French guys came along. Which is stupid, because the links between games of chance and systems of divination have always been super tight--Fate and Luck are the same damn bitch. And you can find (and Karlin did find) very early references to witchcraft performed with playing cards. So because the playing card historians would have nothing to do with the occultists, and Karlin was doing these serious deep dives into formerly-untranslated eighteenth century French occult texts and even earlier stuff, he ended up understanding the iconography and symbolism of tarot way better than the people like Dummett who were much too serious to touch the occult traditions. That was another thing Karlin taught me: that academic consensus can sometimes be just as wrong as newage gobbledegook, and it really is possible, when you start doing deep dives into niche subjects, to outstrip the experts. Sometimes it’s not just possible but frighteningly easy. Anyway, he knew a ton--and he knew it in a field where the vast majority of people think they understand the material, but are very wrong. I think this had the effect of making him quite crabby. Some people came to alt.tarot saying they wanted to learn tarot; and those people, J. Karlin was willing to teach, although he might yell at them some for believing stupid things, if they did. And they probably did--I remember being twenty-one, a shiny new-minted college graduate, proud of my A in an undergraduate Quantum Mechanics For Non Physics Majors class, trying out some “maybe fortunetelling is a quantum effect” angle and getting my ass handed to me, deservedly so. But many, many more people came to alt.tarot back in the day thinking they already knew tarot. And they very much did not want to be corrected. They just thought the cards looked cool and they were perfectly content with their own “I’ll just intuit what I think the cards mean” approach to tarot. And to those people, Karlin was a relentless asshole. Because the symbols did in fact have an original meaning, and it is possible to trace the evolution of the iconography through time, and in fact all those centuries of artists and writers and...I dunno, warlocks and whatnot...working on the cards has created a much, much, much deeper and richer symbolic framework than what most people can make up off the tops of their heads just by looking at a random image from The Tarot of the Cat People or whatever. So that was maybe the first important thing he taught me: there is a truth. Even in symbolic matters, even in stuff that was all “just made up” at some point, it is possible to distinguish what’s important and true from what’s just people spouting off the tops of their dumb heads. And fourth or fifth was that if you argue with someone long enough and you find yourself getting boxed into a corner, fighting desperately to support propositions you’re not even quite sure how you ended up needing to defend, you can just...stop. Usually that’s the cleanest and clearest path. Karlin would not let people save face and he would not let them have the last word: if they were wrong, they’d either have to admit it, or they’d have to flounce off to another Usenet group, orrrr...they’d have to learn how to fucking shut up. It’s a good skill to have. I learned it in alt.tarot, being wrong a lot. I had many fights with Jess Karlin on alt.tarot. But to my knowledge I was the only one from that group that he offered to formally initiate into Thelema. If I have siblings in this lineage I don’t know them; and I never considered myself a Thelemite, even after the initiation. But I have tried to pass on what he taught me. Crowley wrote that the adept “must teach; but he may make severe the ordeals” and I always sort of thought Karlin was living by that principle. At the same time he liked to point out that it’s not necessary to hide your pearls from swine: they won’t take ‘em no matter how brightly you polish and how neatly you letter the sign, FREE PEARLS OF WISDOM, PLEASE TAKE. My worst fights with J. Karlin were always when I was trying to do something nice for him. I still wince remembering when I tried to give him a copy of Alan Moore’s Promethea; that ended with us not speaking for several years. So if he reads this he’ll probably be mad at me all over again but anyway he eventually started using his real name, Glenn Wright, for his Internet writings instead of the Karlin nym. He hops around websites too fast for me to keep track, but as recently as 2015 he had a blog on Tumblr​. Sometimes he offers tarot readings for sale--one card, yes or no question only. I recommend these without question whether you “believe” in tarot or not. (I’ve grown out of my quantum woo days and I don’t now think the cards are anything but a fantastic system for self-reflection). This is super long so I’m gonna stop now. Maybe it’ll do for that “what I learned from alt.tarot” post I always meant to make.