#their relationship is better now than it was when fen was a child

[apricote]

fen sees his dad like once every season, but mia has been trying to encourage ren to see his son more often. they invited fennec out to eat at pinky's diner on night on the town to try grow closer to him.

lot (once again) by @beetlemp3

[mariaofdoranelle]

Look at Us Now — Ch. 10

Fic masterlist

*Nods to Nonnie who sent me a prompt the other week*

Warnings: language, mentions of thiefs and orgies

Words: 3,7k

“OH MY GOD.”

Aelin’s screams made Rowan jump out of the couch, pulse racing as he sprinted towards the sound. He didn’t mean to fall asleep there, it must be the middle of the night already.

His shoulders dropped in relief when he found her safe, just whisper-yelling with her head sticking out the window.

“What’s going on?”

Aelin had her eyes narrowed, arms crossed. “We have a thief.”

“A thief?”

It’s not that Rowan thought she was lying, but breaking into anything military-related was a suicide mission. This house was as safe as it could get.

“Well, it has to be a thief, since he’s climbing into windows like one,” Aelin explained in a voice higher than necessary for Rowan to hear.

“Oh, come on!” Said thief protested from the outside.

When Rowan approached the window to assess the situation, his whole body froze. Obnoxiously shiny black hair, sapphire blue eyes and taller than he liked to imagine. Rowan hoped he’d never meet Dorian Havilliard, his baby mama’s ex-boyfriend, but there he was, about to climb Fenrys’ window

“Front door, now!” Aelin’s voice was commanding, and apparently her ex knew when there was no fighting her.

She didn’t wait for him to grab her snack bowl and storm down the hallway, which was good, since it gave Rowan space to strangle his roommate.

He elbowed his friend who’d just left his room and whispered, “What the fuck did you do?”

Fenrys had the gall to do a military salute. “I stole her man, like I promised you I would.”

Yes, he did promise that when Rowan was in jail. No, it didn’t make him feel better.

“Seriously? Of all the people in the world, him?”

Fenrys’ shoulders dropped like a child’s when being scolded. “But he’s so hot!”

Rowan could take this argument further, but that’d entail admitting Aelin’s ex was hot. Instead, he moved to the living room to find her bickering with Dorian.

Aelin had her arms crossed over her heavy bump. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t know you were staying here!”

“Then why didn’t you just use the front door?”

“Fen told me not to!” Dorian pointed at his pants. “Do you think these were made for climbing windows?”

Fenrys moved closer to them and cleared his throat. “Aelin, I really appreciate your friendship, but I won’t apologize for stealing your man.”

Her eyes widened, and her head tilted back a beat later, a loud laugh booming out of her. She held a finger up for a few seconds, silently asking them to wait until she recovered. “Fen, I wouldn’t care if you fucked him when we were dating. I definitely don’t need an apology from you now.”

Dorian clutched his chest in a wounded stance. “Ouch!”

She rolled her eyes, chuckling. “Oh, come on.”

Rowan’s narrowed eyes darted between Fenrys and his boy toy. “So you two are a thing now?”

“Not really.” Dorian shrugged. “I’m kinda going through a slut phase now that I’m single.”

Aelin clamped her lips together as she tried not to laugh again. “You were always in a slut phase.”

Rowan crossed his arms, assessing those two. He knew they had an open relationship, but he was starting to grasp how open it was.

This was so hard to understand. If Rowan had the chance to tie Aelin down, he wouldn’t even give her time enough to see other people, let alone almost every day, like she did with Rowan months ago.

He wasn’t trying to judge their previous relationship, but it was really hard to understand someone who had everything in his hands and still seeked other people.

Now that Aelin seemed calmer, Dorian gave a pointed look to the snack she left at the coffee table. He inched closer and picked the food Rowan made for Aelin, inspecting it from every angle imaginable.

“Pregnant women are so weird.” He sniffed the dried mango with mustard and gummy bears and wrinkled his nose. “Is this even edible?”

Aelin drew a slow smirk and wiggled her eyebrows before saying, “Not the kind of edible we’d eat when we were residents.”

The ache from Rowan’s tense jaw spread to his other muscles as well. His hands twitched as he held back from grabbing Aelin’s ex by his shiny dark hair and—

It didn’t matter. Aelin was single, and she decided to do a friendly co-parenting thing with him. Her previous relationship didn’t matter now.

~~

Rowan: What do you usually buy for Girls’ Night?

Rowan: I mean snacks.

Completely at loss, he wandered around the store closest to his home, only taking note of what was available until Aelin replied to his texts. Fenrys and Lorcan were currently at his home watching Maisie, and they had kicked Rowan here because, apparently, the snacks at his house were too organic and lame.

The thing is, Rowan’s never hosting parties, he’s usually dragged into them. But their therapist told him to do something with the sole purpose of having a good time, so there he was. Even though he didn’t know exactly why. He thought therapy was supposed to be about his family. Why was Yrene trying to give him homework that doesn’t involve Aelin?

Rowan felt his muscles loosening when his phone pinged with Aelin’s notification. It was torture to tone down his previous multiple calls a day, but at least she became more receptive when he reached out.

Aelin: can’t tell

Aelin: the girls’ night lore is exclusive to ellie and i

Aelin: but it’ll be passed down to maisie when the time comes

He trailed his eyes on the ceiling. She had to be joking, right?

Rowan: Please?

He frowned at his phone when she stayed too long without replying. Maybe that wasn’t a joke after all.

Rowan: Aelin?

Aelin: sorry

Aelin: i was driving

Rowan: And texting.

Aelin: just in the red light. don’t fuss.

Aelin: at least until i find some good dry shampoo. i can’t die with greasy hair.

His fingers hovered over the keyboard as an idea struck him. Rowan was pretty sure people bought those at pharmacies, and he knew the one she frequented the most is on the same block he was at.

Rowan: Are you close to home?

Rowan: I’m at the convenience store

Rowan: Maybe you could come by and help me out?

Yes, he knew she could very well just text a suggestion on snacks to buy. It fleetingly crossed his mind, but it didn’t sound near as nice as the idea he proposed.

It seemed like Aelin didn’t agree with him, by the way the typing balloon popped in and out of his screen many times.

Rowan: But that’s not very practical, now that I think about it.

Rowan: I hope you find your dry shampoo.

He pocketed his phone and focused back on the food shelves, trying to ignore the feeling of his dropping stomach. What was he thinking? Of course Rowan could buy drinks and snacks by himself. He was an independent man, he didn’t need Aelin to host anything.

After gathering half of what he needed to make a decent charcuterie board, the fridge with the drinks caught his eye. He’d follow the rule he established with Aelin and not drink while being in charge of Maisie, but maybe Fenrys and Lorcan would want some.

Rowan never knew how much pressure to apply to break the refrigerator’s vacuum seal, so he was met with the sound of bottles clinking together as soon as he opened the beer fridge. He used his hand to steady one of the shaky bottles when he noticed its design. Grabbing it to exam it closer, he noticed its unusually bright colors, and—

“Be careful, that’s a gay man’s beer,” an older man beside him warned, looking at the colorful beer bottle as if it was a bomb.

Nodding tightly, Rowan felt his body temperature rise. He knew he looked unapproachable to strangers, so it was a mystery why this stranger thought he’d be a good buddy to insult minorities together.

“That’s good, then.” Rowan schooled his body into a relaxed expression. He wore a lazy smirk while added some of the controversial bottles into his basket. “Because that’s not the gayest thing I’ll be putting in my mouth tonight,” he lied, but the horror on the stranger’s face was worth it.

The man blanched, his mouth opening and closing until he sputtered, “Um, sorry… yeah.” And left.

However, behind the stranger, there was a very shellshocked Aelin. Her eyes were bulged out of her face, mouth hanging open.

“I don’t think I was meant to hear that,” she said in a shaky tone.

he knew he needed to reply to her, but it was hard to gather words. Aelin was wearing a golden, metallic cropped top along with some tailored white pants. He swallowed, feeling his now erratic breathing worsen the warmth spreading over his body. This was some unusual attire, and his unusual reaction was proof of that.

“Where are you going?”

“Out.” She glanced around, scratching the back of her neck, before giving his basket a pointed look. “You’re doing great there, with the snack shopping. I’ll send you some pictures of Elide’s table from last Girls’ Night. You’ll know what to do.”

When Aelin turned around to leave, Rowan froze. She was wearing a bun, probably because of the dry shampoo situation, and Rowan could see every freckle on her back. His eyes widened with the sight and he flexed his hands, trying to get rid of a sudden ache there. Aelin wasn’t wearing a shirt, this was a scrap of golden fabric being held by three thin straps in the back.

Why would Aelin come here just to tell him that and leave? And why did she look so flustered after—

She didn’t think what he said was real, did she?

Feeling his heart beat out of his throat, Rowan fumbled with his phone, almost letting it fall at some point, to type the only thing he could think of.

Rowan: I am NOT going on a gay date

Rowan: Aelin

Rowan: Talk to me

Typing. Not typing. Typing. Not typing. Typing… Aelin was going to kill him like this.

Aelin: it’s okay, rowan! we can pretend this didn’t happen if you’d like. i’m sorry i overheard, you can talk to me about it when you feel ready.

He groaned, banging his head against the beer fridge.

˜˜

Fenrys cackling had always been a good indicator that Rowan was going through one of the lowest points of his life. As a rule, the intensity of his laughter was directly proportional to the amount of shit Rowan was in. Today was no exception.

“She-“ Fenrys held a finger in and grasped both knees, wheezing. “She didn’t know it was just us here?”

“I checked the text thread already. I didn’t tell her.” Rowan closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Did Elide say anything?”

Lorcan shook his head. “Ellie refused to tell me about Aelin’s plans. She’s telling us to mind our own businesses.”

Rowan’s knee was bouncing as he stared at Maisie’s drawing of Aelin on his wall. He had been acting weird the entire night, and his friends called him out on it the second his daughter went to bed.

“So we still don’t know where she was going dressed like that.” Rowan didn’t meet anyone’s eye. He knew it was a silly statement.

Fen chugged his beer. “We all know what she’s doing. Like I told you the other day, she’s on the hunt for Mr. Right.”

Rowan’s chest was an adjustable knot, and it got tighter every time someone mentioned this in a violent tug.

Lorcan narrowed his eyes at Fenrys. “She’s not. Ellie would’ve told me.”

“Are you sure? Because the last time Elide told you something about Aelin’s love life, you didn’t waste a second before you opened your mouth.” Fenrys turned to Rowan. “Did you download Tinder? We might need to rush with the plan.”

“The what?” Lorcan blurted before Rowan could tell he hadn’t downloaded any dating apps yet.

Fenrys smirked like the devil and hooked an arm around Rowan’s neck, smudging his cheek with tomato sauce from the bruschetta he was eating. “Tinder. After six years, Hoey Rowie is alive and breathing.”

“Hold on, I haven’t made a decision yet,” Rowan said while cleaning his cheek with a napkin.

“That’s the worst idea Fenrys could ever come up with. Why would other women solve your problem with Aelin?” Lorcan clasped his hands together and supported his chin in the space between the thumb and index finger. He gave Rowan a look that was so hard to decipher, he wished he could be inside his friend’s head. “Dude, you should just talk to her.”

Fenrys lifted a finger. “And by her, he means the hot redhead I’m setting you up with.”

”By her, I mean Aelin.” Lorcan had his signature judgy look on. “Have you ever stopped to think about why he wants to go on dates?”

”Because he’s a single DILF!” Fenrys exclaimed, arms flailing. “Dude, you’re being a Love Grinch.”

Lorcan pointed at his wedding ring, eyes narrowed at Fenrys. “If anything, I’m the Love Santa. The only thing I’m trying to ruin here is this bad decision. I’m the Mistake Grinch.”

Rowan picked a mini bruschetta from the coffee table, carefully weighing his friends’ words. “So you think I shouldn’t date yet?”

Lorcan shrugged, but his earnest eyes portrayed all the concern he was trying to conceal. “If you want to date, you should do it for the right reasons. Have you even thought of the reason why you suddenly want to date again?”

Because Aelin said she wanted more kids, which implies seeing someone. He freaked out, and then freaked the fuck out when he saw her in a sparkly night outfit. But did Rowan want to delve deeper into why he was getting these reactions? No, not really. He’d just fall into a rabbit hole of heartbreak, and there’d be no going out, just painfully shutting out.

Today, Rowan was choosing slutty dilfhood instead of his usual pathetic single co-parenthood.

He cocked his head into Fenrys’ direction. “Tell me about the redhead.”

˜˜

When Rowan said he’d go on a date with Fenrys’ friend, he didn’t mean immediately. However, here he was. In Doranelle City’s new hottest spot, or so his friend—and the huge line at the front door—told him.

Apparently, his date knew people, so he gave his name at the front and was allowed to cut the line.

The music Rowan was being forced to listen to outside got louder when he walked in. There was a sea of people dancing, yelling, making out in the corners, and the place reeked of a mix of beer and sweat.

Rowan had been here for a matter of seconds, and he already missed the comfort of his home.

It was one thing to say he’d decided to date again, and another to actually go on dates. Worse, a date at a club. He needed mental preparation, but of course his extroverted slut friend wouldn’t understand that. Of course he’d schedule a date for the same night and ruin Rowan’s chances to rethink and potentially balk.

That was only happening because Fenrys stayed with Maisie, who was already asleep when he left, and Rowan would definitely be there when she woke up. Lorcan went home as soon as the date was set, asking, in his words, to be excluded from this stupidity.

A girl in a tight black dress, who looked very close to the picture Fenrys showed him, tapped his upper arm.

“Rowan?” She screamed through the loud music.

“Ansel?”

She smiled. “That’s me.”

Her brown irises had some red tones to it, but it was probably the strobe lights fooling his senses. He stared deep into her eyes for longer than was socially acceptable, more out of curiosity than anything else.

Ansel smirked. “At least buy me dinner first!”

Rowan’s eyes widened. “That was rude, I’m sorry.”

The woman cackled, somehow finding something to be amused at about him, and tugged on his arm. “Come on, I found a table in the back.”

Rowan’s shoulders loosened when he saw the back of the club. After the suffocating dance floor, there was this outdoorsy area with quieter music and actual tables with menus. This was a lot better.

The silence was absolutely painful after they ordered beers and fries.

“So.” Rowan cleared his throat. “How did you meet Fenrys?”

“At an orgy.”

The beer he was sipping went right back through his nose, making him choke on it.

Ansel’s laugh boomed through the open room, and she made soothing motions on his back as he recovered from the surprise. “Don’t worry, Big Guy. I’m not dragging you to one.”

“Thanks.” He coughed a little, clutching his chest. ”I didn’t mean to sound judgy. I narrowed my… activities down to two people after being done with university.”

Ansel reassured him she wasn’t offended, then silence stretched again. Conversation with Aelin just flowed so easily, and this was a painful reminder every date he went. Which was why Rowan had a reputation in his twenties. He wasn’t good at making conversation, but he was young and good-looking enough to skip that part, if the person was interested.

35-year-old Rowan didn’t find that option satisfying anymore.

He cleared his throat. “What’s your favorite color?”

She snorted. “You can talk to me about your ex if you want to. I’m a bartender, which means I’m the fun kind of shrink.”

Rowan opened his mouth to speak, but stopped. “How do you know there’s an ex?”

She shrugged. “Fenrys has a big mouth.”

“It wouldn’t be very nice of me to talk about someone else while on a date with you.”

Ansel leaned back on her seat, twirling the glass beer bottle in her hand. “I’m not looking for anything serious, so I’m not offended that you’re still hooked up on your ex. You can tell me about her, pay me a drink…” she swept an appreciative gaze over his body. “And we can still go somewhere else if we’re in the mood later, but I can’t offer you more than that.”

After debating this idea in his head for a moment, his conclusion was a big fuck it. He told her everything, from the night he met Aelin to the present day, and received back a lot more reactions than his certified shrink’s neutral expressions.

“Oh, boy.” Ansel blinked, mouth hanging open. “You’re so fucked.”

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Don’t I know it.”

She slowly shook her head. “I mean, it’s been fucking years, and you’re still in love with her?”

Rowan’s pulse immediately picked up. “That’s not what I told you at all.”

“You said some deep love shit, man. Literally, everything but the words.”

This was a nightmare. Tonight was supposed to be about forgetting Aelin, but somehow he ended up discussing with his date whether or not his co-parent had feelings for him five years ago. Rowan ran a million worst-case scenarios for this date, but his imagination wasn’t near as bad as the real thing.

“I’m sorry, but I need to ask you something.”

Rowan sighed. “Go ahead.”

“It’s been five years, and not once you thought of asking her the reason why she left?”

“Being rejected was humiliating enough already.” Feeling his insides tighten, Rowan crossed his arms and carefully kept an even tone. “I don’t need details on how much she didn’t care about me.”

“She cared.” Ansel sipped her drink. “Did you help her out with the baby?”

Rowan nodded. “When I wasn’t at work, yeah.”

“I’ve never heard of a new mom who’d just reject help. If she didn’t care about you, she’d enjoy the free labor and let you be. But she asked you to leave, which means you probably fucked up.”

Rowan felt a lump forming in his throat, but he focused on keeping a steady face for this stranger. He took in the string lights and the distant sounds of a crowd yelling, scrambling his mind for something to say.

This wasn’t true. He remembered everything, and Rowan wasn’t perfect, but he didn’t do anything big enough to make her leave.

In the end, Ansel didn’t know him or Aelin. She wasn’t there to know Aelin’s feelings better than he did.

Rowan opened his mouth, but closed again. God, he never should’ve started talking about Aelin in the first place. He pointed at the direction where he could hear some occasional applause. “Is there another dance floor over that door?

“Oh.” She looked over her shoulder. “Fridays are karaoke nights. Do you wanna take a look?”

He’d do anything to avoid that awkwardness.

There was a small stage where people could sing and an employee in the corner taking care of the song requests. The place was cramped, a lot of people cheering and singing along with a guy performing a Spice Girls song. All of the tables were taken, but they managed to find stools in the bar near the door.

Rowan was begrudgingly admitting to himself that watching such an alive crowd was lighting up his bitter mood. But the thing that grabbed his attention the most was when Lysandra, one of the moms from Maisie’s soccer class, got up on stage. They weren’t exactly friends, but he caught her chatting often with Aelin and a few other moms during games.

“Oh, hi!” She waved at the crowd, then tugged her skin-tight green dress. “I’m trying to get my friend Aelin to sing with me, but I think she needs a little encouragement.”

Rowan felt his stomach bottoming out. The crowd erupted, but not near as much as one table by the front, full exclusively with women he recognized as soccer moms.

Aelin was easily spotted among them, cackling with her flimsy golden fabric that was definitely not a shirt.

Shit. He was in such deep, unending shit.

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[callsign-rogueone]

Hey honey! Hope you’re feeling better today 💗💗 I’m adoring the directors cuts. We know you put so much thought and planning into your stories, and it’s so fun to get a glimpse of where your head was at when you were writing!

Can you give us some commentary on Dain and Love? She seems to be becoming a fan fave, and we the people need to know more about them!

Love you!

-fw-gt

this is so late but here it is!! I’m gonna kinda do a general overview for this one!! no quotes, just broad thoughts because I’ve been itching to unpack all my thoughts about Dain for months. here’s a few of them for now — there will be much more Dainposting from me in the future, that’s guaranteed.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again — Dain wants a princess* that he can be the knight in shining armor for, and Violet isn’t that, so that’s (one of the reasons) why they didn’t work.

*Not a literal princess, but he wants a girl that’s going to let him protect her, let him play that masculine role and make the decisions, because he’s maybe a little bit insecure in that regard and also maybe a little old-fashioned, being from a military family with traditional values.

Love is kinda that girl, but she’s also very much not that girl. You said this perfectly in the discord the other day: Love is a good balance of what Dain wants, and what Dain needs.

She’s a lot of things that he wants — she’s beautiful and razor-sharp-smart, and kind and caring and so many amazing things (because she’s you all!). She wants to be cared for and doted on, (total daddy’s girl, first of all) and she knows her worth / what she deserves — besides her parents, Brennan and Duchess are her role-model example of how a relationship should be. so she’s got Standards.

However, comma, she’s still very much her own person, and that clashes with his personality quite a bit. She alters her uniforms to look more flattering and wears impractical shoes. She’s not afraid to laugh during formation or other serious situations. She memorizes her textbooks instead of studying them, and half the time she sleeps during optional training sessions. She’s a wild-child, playful and always down for a shenanigan. They’re going to have several more arguments about her putting herself in danger — she agreed to cut out the jumping-off-her-dragon stunt, but she’s not going to roll over for him every time just because he says so.

She’s not a damsel in distress, either. She can defend herself (guess who taught her to fight 👀) and she’s smart in tactical situations, as her dad was one of Fen’s tacticians, but she’s a bit of a wild-child, impulsive and ruled by her emotions, rather than the codex — though she does have the codex memorized. so she gets to play lawyer on behalf of the marked kids and finds ways to keep her shenanigans within the lines. the professors are sick of her shit, but also very impressed.

Dain is included in that category — alternating between awe and irritation. but he needs to be challenged, to be softened a little and learn to relax for once. he doesn’t go with the flow at all. ever. he’ll learn, though. he has to, if he wants this to work — which he does, but he’s still conflicted.

he’s got the pressure and disapproval from dear old dad, and the propoganda he’s been taught about her fam being traitors… and then there’s her absolutely terrifying older brother, who is the son of the “lead traitor” and absolutely despises him… but she’s so pretty and so nice to him, even though she shouldn’t be. and he feels bad for her, knowing what she’s been through. she’s slowly changing his perspective, and that’s uncomfortable at first. there’s gonna be turbulence.

and… SPOILERS FOR THEIR STORY BELOW, but most people know this already, and I’ve already said it multiple times;

they’re having a kid in Onyx Storm.

Dain and Love started as a one-shot request, part of the family, (which will eventually be re-written to change some things!!) but the more I thought about it, the more I was like… hmm. this could work, actually. fuck it, why not?

the idea of Dain, the self-proclaimed “responsible one”, becoming a young dad (22-23) is definitely unexpected — giving him a little reality check, and breaking the “graduation -> marry a nice girl from a good family -> have 2.5 kids -> get promoted as high as you can, in that order” model that he’s undoubtedly been taught to follow.

He has some shit to unpack regarding his upbringing and his relationship with his dad, and his mom not being in his life (headcanon of mine). and while Love is gonna help with that, as well as some of his other issues, it’s really going to be their baby girl that speeds things up and gets all this done and dusted.

but also, him having to unpack all the shit his father did, unlearn it, and then learn how to…

be a parent without his own parents there to help him, nor hers

raise a kid that won’t turn to hate you and help lead a revolution against you

make them feel safe and loved and meet their emotional needs, not just physical needs…

deal with the idea of Love being in danger now that there’s a baby in the mix

and some other things I won’t spoil hehe

so yeah. he’s got some stuff to figure out. I’m forcing him to have the character development he deserves in canon 😌 and these three are gonna love each other so much and be such a cute lil family, happily ever after, so help me god.

thank u for the excuse to ramble about them. ily 💗

[tibbinswrites]

A House Full of Broken Things

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Fandom: Critical Role (Web Series) Relationships: Fearne Calloway/Ashton Greymoore, Fearne Calloway & Orym, Orym/Will | Orym's Spouse (Critical Role), Orym/Dorian Storm Characters: Fearne Calloway, Orym (Critical Role) Additional Tags: Post-Episode C3e80, Fearne and Orym talk, quiet conversations, Canon Compliant, Spoilers for Previous Episodes, Sweet, Grief/Mourning, Mild Language, He/Him and They/Them Pronouns for Ashton Greymoore Summary: Fearne is having a hard time falling asleep after the trials. Orym shows up for a quiet talk. Post-episode 80.

Read it on AO3 here.

Snippet below the cut.

Fearne lay awake in her bed in Ligament Manor, staring at the ceiling. It was wonderful being home again, seeing Nana and Peepers and Dr Nesbit and Door and Sweet Pea and Bompers and even Birdie and Ollie. She felt safe here, safer than she’d felt in a long time, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that coming back now would only make it harder to leave.

Turning onto her side, her mind kept whirling. Her and Ashton’s new forms, the trust exercises, the truth about her father, before eventually settling on the image of the cracks in Ashton’s skin roiling like lava as their arm fell to shatter against the floor, of his eyes on hers, bright as a flare and just as dangerous, daring her to keep him alive, to get them through this, to not scream for the others, to keep her promise.

“No!” she pulled herself away from the vision, pressed her palms to her eyes, hard, and rubbed at them until the image broke and she was back in her bedroom again, rage smouldering in her belly.

More than fury at Ashton’s recklessness though, Fearne felt a deep, clawing shame. It felt like the ichor that poured from Laudna’s form of dread, black and sticky, impossible to wipe away. She wasn’t familiar with the feeling and she didn’t like it at all. She had told Ashton that she didn’t want the shard. Of course they would take that to mean that they should use it instead otherwise why had he bothered pulling it from the lava in the first place? He had only done that, had to go through that, because she had been too afraid of what the power might make her into, not for a second thinking that it would be worse, far worse, to watch it unmake Ashton instead. And not only had she given them the tools, but she had just stood there, helpless and panicking, throwing out healing spells that did nothing but prolong the torture. Watching her aura of life pulse every few seconds, keeping them on their feet, still feeling the rough pressure of his lips on hers.

Fearne’s heart spiked with a brief pain and she sniffed. She was so stupid sometimes. So naive. She’d never really wanted to be otherwise. Everything since leaving the Feywild had felt like a grand adventure up to this point. Sure, there had been bumps in the road. Bertrund’s death had been sad, and Lord Eshteross. And she’d missed her nana terribly, and finding her parents had been… complicated. They’d lost Laudna and got separated and Fearne had been worried then. At the Malleus Key she’d been worried too, that they were going to fail, that they were going to die. But she’d never really thought that they would. It felt like the games she used to play as a child, when she’d sneak places she wasn’t supposed to go or steal something important to see how long it would take Nana to notice it was gone. Or when her and her animal friends would take turns being the monster that the other would bravely fight off. Those games were always fun, with just enough danger to provide a thrill, but there had never been anything so scary that Nana couldn’t make her feel better, no monster that wandered into the fens that Nana couldn’t chase away.

Having Nana be there when she finally accepted the shard had made her feel braver, but she’d recently learned that not even Nana had the power to protect her from reality, she’d had a huge, bitter dose of that. The danger of what they were doing felt very, very solid. It had been creeping upon her ever since the clock tower.

Fearne liked to flirt. It was fun to watch Chetney turn bright red and awkwardly flirt back, to see Imogen smirk out of the corner of her eye, to hear Orym’s quiet chuckle. But hearing Ashton say that they thought she was hot had knotted something in her stomach, and saying it back hadn’t been fun, or light or flirty. It had been scary and heavy and honest and she’d run away so that she would never know how he would have responded. But it wasn’t just that. Her excursion with the witches and learning they were together, seeing the shadows that lingered in between them; her talk with Orym, his love and his determination to get them through; pulling FCG from the snow to the right way up, laughing until her sides hurt at the sight of them and Ashton ploughing face-first into a snow bank; Chetney trying to make her feel better by taking her to smash windows. Her bonds with these people were irrevocable now. She felt them in her chest, tugging at her heart until it tore.

They hadn’t even made it to the moon yet and things were only going to get worse. They had time now and although that was what she’d wanted, what they all needed, it rankled at her. Now she had more hours to worry, to think, to seethe and cry and question the truth that she had called out in the chasm, that maybe they weren’t ready for this. Maybe they would die for good. Maybe she would have to watch Ashton shatter again, or watch Orym crumple to the ground in a pool of his own blood. Maybe Imogen would be pulled somewhere else by her connection to the moon, maybe Chetney would be overtaken by the beast inside him, maybe Laudna would give in to Delilah, maybe FCG would try to take too much damage for one of them. She felt more powerful now, and Ashton had certainly looked more powerful, but power didn’t fix everything. The trust exercise had been good in theory but she wasn’t sure they’d really succeeded. They’d all been suspicious of each other; Ashton leaving FCG in the deadly vines, Laudna bringing out her hound for insurance, Orym questioning them with random trivia that she at least hadn’t been in a place to remember.

The walls around her almost seemed to be closing in, twisting her thoughts into a tangled mess of anxiety. She hated this. She’d never felt like this before and she hated it. Was this why FCG kept second-guessing themself? Was this why Imogen fought so hard against other people’s thoughts? Was this what Orym felt whenever he stepped in front of a creature at least four times his size? Fear. Real fear. That they would lose. That she would lose. It was the kind of feeling she’d always pushed away, the kind that hadn’t seemed important when there were more fun things to do, but now she couldn’t stop the onslaught.

“Fearne?”

Fearne sniffled and looked up at the soft voice. Orym was peering around the doorframe. She hadn’t heard him knock.

“How did you find me?” she asked.

Orym’s mouth twitched a little. “This is your bedroom.”

“Oh, right.”

Orym came in and shut the door behind him before quietly padding over to where she lay. She shuffled backwards towards the wall and he hopped up, sitting criss-cross-applesauce in front of her.

Read the rest on AO3 here.

[bugwolfsstuff]

Since is okay to keep asking about your AUs and headcanons! What are your headcanons for Jormungand and sleipnir? How is the relationship with the rest of the family?

Also! Sigyn! I would love to know more about your interpretation of her!

(also wanted to say that I loved your headcanons about Narvi and Vali! Vali with a forked tongue and they not looking exactly the same is soo good! I feel like I wrote too much already so I'll stop, just wanted to say I appreciated your answer)

Alright so a thing Sleepy & Jörmungandr have in common is that they both can't be understood by most.

They can talk, yes. But only to certain people so outsiders think they are just mindless animals.

For Sleipnir

Has similar blue eyes as Fenris but a lot warmer and kinder looking.

(Tho while Fen gets his eyes from his mother, Sleepy gets it from his father)

Way smarter than he looks.

Very much would like a better relationship with his family.

Sleipnir is a fun one to think of because of the possible resentment some of the other Loki kids would have towards him because he works for Odin....

Only Fenris is the only one among them that has hatred towards poor Sleepy. The rest don't either care (Hel), Haven't met him (Samirah and Alex) or aren't usually aware enough to have an opinion on him (Jörmungandr, Narvi and Vali)

Fenris just constantly antagonizes Sleipnir through dreams. So much so that Sleipnir has just slowly stopped fearing him and just seeing him as annoying, like this is them to me:

Sleipnir: Can you get out of my life?

Fenris: I am not in your life I am in your dreams :>

Sleipnir:...At least I'm free

Fenris: at least my parents love each other. Also you live in a gilded cage.

Basically its this every night without fail.

Hel on the other hand is the only one that has actually met Sleipnir in person. But even her relationship with him is rocky.

They'd only met a handful of times because there's not really many reasons for 'Odin's' horse to be in Helheim, but even if there's no resentment their relationship is purely professional (Even if Sleipnir would prefer it to not to be) So to her Sleipnir is just: 'Odin's horse that happens to be related to me.'

Loki is fun to think about with his relationship with Slippy because he's the only child Loki actually willingly gave away.

Probably because he knows what happened to the other 'monstrous' children and realized that as long as Slippy is useful to the Aesir then he'll probably won't end up like his siblings.

(Still very much preaching my 'Loki loves his kids' thing even after finishing the books)

I do have a headcanon (in all AUS but ToL) that Loki does try to visit Sleipnir but can't cus you know the Aesir are assholes and Sleipnir is all the way in Asgard...So again:

The Aesir are assholes.

(I do have an old w.i.p somewhere where they do talk tho.)

In the ToL AU this isnt canon for plot reasons because Sleipnir will possibly play a part in Loki's 'redemption' :)

For Jörmungandr

Last time he saw Loki was in the house of Utgard Loki when Thor attempted (and technically succeeded) in lifting him up. He assumes this was a dream tho because that was admittedly a weird day for him.

Was saying many curse words that would make even Loki blush directed at Magnus and Samirah the day they caught him

(Lucky for them they can't understand him)

He was coiled around Hel the entire walk to Odin and all the way up until they were separated

Middle child

(pretty sure that last one is backed up by myth)

Was the first one to be cast out by Odin. Will be the last of his fam to die during Ragnarök.

Has a weird rivalry with Ran

Alright now for his relationship with the fam.

He's also a fun one because unlike Fenris and Hel he can't communicate with the family through other means anymore. He's not conscious enough to do magic.

But pre-everything he was very close with Hel. Being the middle and youngest duo. She thinks about him.

(Also have a w.i.p with the three)

Fenris thinks about his brother a lot too because in his opinion Jörmungandr had the most rotten deal of the three of them. At least Fenris and Hel can move around (however limited), communicate with others and are aware. Jorm has none of those things.

For Loki and Angrboda's relationship with their son. I don't really know. Obviously they care for him in their own ways but i'm drawing up blanks for Loki and Angrboda is currently a working progress for her entire personality and the only thing I have cemented with her is that she lives in Midgard (lets just say she will be showing up in one of my AUs)

And we already know Samirah and Jormungandr's relationship. She caught him and he tried to drown her (and Magnus)

For Sigyn

Sigyn, next to her husband was my least liked portrayal in the Riordianverse cus like what was the point of making her a doormat and Loki an abusive...EVERYTHING? It takes away from both Loki and Sigyn's characters. Sigyn is a strong woman who stays with her husband while he's suffering because she loves him. Not out of fear. FOR LOVE.

So in my AUs Sigyn is still kind and caring and very much loving but she can and will be just as scheming and vengeful as her husband. Loki and her truly love each other and Loki just acts like a prick towards her in front of everyone because he knows him publicly showing affection to anyone is placing a huge target on their back.

Both of them know this.

When she leaves Loki in the Ship of the Dead she full well intends to return to him. Loki knows that too...because they planned it together at Sigyn's request as a back up plan.

(This applies to all my AUs except ToL because I have a plan for her for ToL)

Loki knows sign language because of her being mute from everything that's happened and intended to teach her once he got free.

After the events of HoT he did in fact teach her sign language

(he affectionately calls it Sigyn language)

Because of the suffering she's endured she knows and can do magic.

(I mean why else would she nod at Magnus in SotD? and know to drop the bowl in HoT?)

She is loved by Hel and Fenris (with his little interactions with them both)

Can and will call her husband out on his bullshit.

Is a daughter of Odin but refuses to be called as such.

(In myth tho I think its not stated who her parents are)

Because she's been holed up in a cave for fuck knows too long she knows little English until after the series.

Still very much mourns her sons.

Swore like a sailor when she still talked.

(Loki so taught her swears in sign language first)

[nyanberri]

I've finally finished the first set! It's the same kids again tho, lol. But next time will be never before seen characters! So I wanted to get everyone drawn in the Omniverse style so I could visualize it all properly and it also made for a good opportunity to tweak designs as needed. They're all heavily referenced from official art so I could get it perfect and it made for great practice too! Of course I added some personal touches to the art style too cuz if I didn't it would have bothered me too much, lol.

Anyway, below the cut are finally proper profiles for all the kids and some additional info as well!

M'kay, so before we get started on the kids' bios, it's important to specify this is an alternate universe. And I don't mean it's an AU of the Prime Dimension. This is quite literally another universe within the omniverse. It's a mostly untouched one that even Paradox, Eon, and Maltruant have never been to and therefore a lot of things are different while a lot of things are still the same tho. It's unofficially called the Feniverse cuz Fen is the main character, but it does have a more official name. I'm just, uh… not aware of what that name is yet, lol!

Anyway, the Ben in this dimension branches off from the development of Prime Ben. Anybody remember the fact that the very first Ben 10K episode said Ben became the way he did in the future cuz he killed Vilgax by ripping him to pieces? Yep! That's what this Ben did too! But obviously he doesn't end up exactly like that Ben 10K. But so this dimension's Ben is therefore officially labelled Slayer Ben since some people refer to him as 'The Vilgax Slayer'. And that experience did definitely screw him up pretty bad, which is why he's so different from both Prime and 10K.

So from left to right:

Name: Fenrick Fih Rook-Tennyson

Age: 13

Height: 5'1

Voice: Todd Haberkorn

Bio: Fen is Ben and Rook's son. He has always been known for being quiet, surprisingly wise for his age, and quite the troublemaker. In actuality, only two of these things are true. Fen is more calm than he seems and as a young child he wasn't much of a talker, giving people the perception that he's quiet. Unfortunately, Fen also has many great ideas that end up badly. However, his ideas always come from the desire to help someone or solve a problem, but he always gets caught when his plans fall apart, making it look like he causes trouble. Some people even accuse him of trouble he didn't start, not helping his reputation. And as the son of Ben 10 of all people, he tends to be held to higher expectations. His wisdom never ceases to amaze people either. Even Ben and Rook get surprised at the wisdom he recites, wondering where exactly he learned it all. Due to that, he tends to put up a fight whenever himself or someone else gets wronged. He especially defends his friends and fellow alien kids in town. Although his only true friends seem to consist of his childhood friend, Millie, and his cousin, Sven.

At the age of 13, Fen discovered his ability to transform into a couple dozen of Ben's aliens. He quickly aspired to become a hero like his parents, much to Ben's disapproval, who worries about his safety. Despite that, Fen wants to form a hero trio with Sven and Millie and become the next generation of heroes in the galaxy.

Developer's Notes:

Fen's almost always been the same since I first created him, with just a few design and character tweaks done to him. He used to have a talent for jewelry making but that was switched out for him being wise for his age. He was also a bit more generic as far as the upbeat and reckless young male protagonist with famous parents archetype goes, but he's been adjusted enough that he now stands out from that archetype. Or, at least I hope, lol. Also, funny thing to note, Fenrick is not a real name! The closest name there is is Fenwick and iirc, that's a last name! I considered changing it to Fenwick or even Fenick but Fenrick is too special to me. His, uh, unfortunate name even has an impact in-universe with him being embarrassed by it and some using it to make fun of him. Also in-universe, I chalk it up to Ben having a dumb moment by misremembering the name Fenwick and Rook not knowing any better to catch Ben's mistake. Also, if you think his hair style is stupid, good. That's the point. He wanted it like that when he was seven and Ben and Rook were like 'sure' and it's been like that ever since.

Name: Millicent

Age: 13

Height: 5'0

Voice: Jennifer Paz

Bio: Millie is Ester's daughter. Her biological father is a human who decided he didn't want to be a father and Antonio soon stepped up to fill the father role when he and Ester got married. She has been friends with Fen and Sven since they were all babies. Millie is the level-headed one of the group and has been noted as being oddly emotionless. Her tone of voice is almost always flat and she usually keeps a straight face when not looking nervous. She never intends to be rude, but she will bluntly say whatever comes to her mind to her peers. At the same time, she can be nervous about making bold decisions and hates being a part of any decision making. She either refuses to do anything, or apologizes profusely for making a decision even when nothing bad happens.

Due to being more human than Kraaho, Millie is perfectly capable of handling the temperatures of Bellwood. However, she is still a bit sensitive to cold temperatures and needs to bundle up more than others during the winter. She sadly cannot handle the heat in the Hot Spot for very long either. Much to Millie's dismay, she was not born with the Kraaho's stretching ability. No one can figure out why, but it's simply something she can't do. As a result, she considers herself a normal human and has resigned herself to the fact that 'normal' is simply all she will ever be. Despite this, she has taken up quite a big secret that contradicts her decision and expresses who she wishes she really was.

Developer's Notes:

Millie only ever had one design change with her outfit and slight adjustment to the way her hair works and she's been the same ever since. Since the beginning she was always calm and stoic and I've always worried that she doesn't have much of a presence or purpose, but now I feel like she plays off Fen and Sven well enough that she stands out thanks to them. I've always flipped back and forth between Fen and/or Millie having a crush on each other, but I've finally settled on them both just seeing each other as near and dear loyal friends. It ultimately works out better that way and doesn't cause conflict with Millie's personal story or Fen's real love interest(and the one other character with feelings for him). Her name also used to be Mina, but since I've now taken that as one of my own names, it felt really awkward to keep her as that. I used to have a habit of naming characters with names I wanted before realizing I could change my name in the future, lol.

Name: Sven Elijah Levin

Age: 12

Height: 4'8

Voice: Wally Wingert

Bio: Sven is Gwendolyn and Kevin's son and Jenny's older brother. Sven is a rather unfortunate boy. He is constantly terrified of everything to the point of running millions of 'bad ends' through his head. He can barely talk most of the time without being a stuttering mess and always thinks he's going to be in trouble for anything and everything he does. Everyone is certain he either has severe anxiety or paranoia, or likely both. Perhaps even more. Who knows. Sven tends to cling to his cousin, Fen, who he looks to for guidance and advice, most of which isn't anything Sven should actually be following. Because he is a grade below Fen and Millie, he's often left alone to deal with problems in his own classes, or really just panic about them. He does, however, have a close relationship with Zed and likes to be the one to take her out on walks in the afternoon. And not many people know it, but he's actually a pretty decent artist.

Even though he is an Osmosian thanks to being Kevin's son, no one knows what ability he may have. It doesn't really matter though, since he wants to stay out of any potential trouble that having powers could bring him. Regardless of that, he has an interest in magic thanks to Gwendolyn's expertise in it. He even sneaks peeks at her spellbook and the strange bag she keeps in her office that he can hear a voice coming from at night.

Developer's Notes:

Now Sven is a character whose personality has always been pretty much the same while his design was never consistent until reaching his current one. He was originally very anime looking and in a gaudy orange outfit that I regret even thinking about, lol. He looks much better in neutral colors. I guess there's not much to say on him though, which makes me worry he's a tad unremarkable, but perhaps it's just since I'm leaving out the things about him that are better left discovering on your own… if I ever get to finishing that fic that is… ahaha.

Name: Saki Boulais

Age: 13

Height: 4'11

Voice: Stephanie Sheh

Bio: Julie and Hervé's daughter, one of the more popular girls in school, and the most deceptive in town. Saki has gone her whole life, since the first time she told a successful lie, tricking people into thinking she's a completely innocent little girl who's never done anything wrong. This allows her to get away with anything she wants, and she especially enjoys getting Fen in trouble when they butt heads with each other. The two have even been enemies since they first met at age three and Saki pulled Fen's tail, he pulled her hair in return, and she managed to get away with claiming he started it. Their feud has even turned into murderous intent, which Saki refuses to hide.

On a lighter note, Saki always has the company of her two best friends, Rachel and Diane, who will gladly join her in her tormenting of others. Saki even greatly admires the most popular girl in school, Fiona, and whoever the mysterious new hero girl, Miracle-M, is.

Developer's Notes:

Yes, Saki was always meant to be That Bitch in the cast. I feel like it's unrealistic to have all next gen kids be friends and get along with each other. It's perfectly believable to have some of them dislike, and in Saki and Fen's case, even hate each other. It makes it more interesting with them being Ben and Julie's kids respectively too. Adds good drama, lol. But anyway, really the only thing that's changed about Saki is her hairstyle and some other slight design tweaks like her necklace, shorts, and shoes. I also just recently changed her colors from purple and blue-ish purple to just blue so that isn't not all three girls here wearing purple. She also looks better in blue and it contrasts nicely with Julie's pink imo. I suppose I do worry about her being disliked since she's so antagonistic and with her being Julie's daughter, I really hope her character doesn't send the wrong message since I genuinely love Julie a lot. It really is just For The Drama Of It All. I think it's really fun to watch her go into full 'Murder Fen' mode too. Very fun to write, lol. Oh right, also Boulais is my headcanon last name for Herve. I just wanted her to have his last name but he doesn’t have one! So I had to pick one for myself.

Name: Jennifer Elizabeth Levin

Age: 10

Height: 4'6

Voice: Brina Palencia

Bio: Jenny is Gwendolyn and Kevin's daughter and Sven's younger sister. She is surprisingly serious and stoic for her age. She gets annoyed by her family's constant 'abnormal' status and wishes everyone could just act normal with no weird events happening. She throws herself into school work as a means to keep herself out of it and tries to keep her personal life at school with friends far away from her life involving family. She seems to have a quick temper, but really she just acts that way to get what she wants since she knows it works and in the hopes that she can use it as an opportunity to vent her frustrations. She hates getting involved in her brother and cousin Fen's antics, but sometimes her no nonsense attitude is needed to resolve a situation. She has a strange obsession with eating bread, finding it the perfect food and almost always exclusively eating something with bread involved. Gwendolyn definitely worries about her diet, but Kevin finds it harmless.

She may not have the spark like her mother, but she doesn't dare confess that her status as an Osmosian became very apparent just recently. As a result, she has a stash of broken objects stuffed under her bed and cracked floorboards that she covers with her rug.

Developer's Notes:

Jenny went through a decent redesign. Character wise I feel like I still don't have some things etched in stone for her as I still haven't gotten to the point in my writing where she does anything of interest. She could honestly probably end up pretty different from her bio here if I'm not careful, lol. The characters write themselves as they say after all! But I definitely prefer the newer Jenny compared to the previous way I envisioned her character, which was designed to fit a character type I actually hate just cuz I felt it worked for her. Thankfully I can avoid it tho with the big overhaul I did after returning to these characters. And I do like Jenny cuz I like writing her dialogue, but it still feels like her character is still that of a person I would not wanna be around, lol.

Name: Bevel Tennyson

Age: 20

Height: 5'9

Voice: Dee Bradley Baker/Yuri Lowenthal

Bio: Bevel is the youngest of the Big Chill offspring born twenty years ago. They were in an accident involving a passing spaceship on their way to Kylmyys that damaged their right wing to the point they could no longer fly. It's suspected the wing has severe nerve damage, making Bevel unable to unfold it as well. Their siblings helped them make it the rest of the way to Kylmyys, but over the years, the dangers of Kylmyys left the siblings with only Bevel and the eldest two, Emboss and Curve, remaining. As they got older, Bevel could never forget their only memory of their parent, who the others didn't remember. A desire to reunite with their parent caused Bevel to make the lone decision to explore the universe in search of their parent.

Bevel is a very cheerful and sweet person, but their secluded upbringing and lack of knowledge about Earth makes them very naive. They will believe anything they are told and have a very black and white moral view due to not understanding nuance. They have strange habits that appear unnatural in their attempt to act human and have an intense craving for Earth candy. They have also taken up being a mercenary to get by after leaving Kylmyys and once they join the Tennyson family, Rook suggests they use the skills they've picked up to become a Plumber, but that's an idea Ben isn't fully onboard with.

Developer's Notes:

Right off the bat I want to shout out that his old human design used to keep the Necrofriggian antennae. I still think it's a cute design even tho it wasn't canon compliant with the antennae. The only things that have changed about him too are just that, his hair style, and his shoes. Plus I stuck bunny ears on his hoodie recently as a shout out to those antennae he used to have. Otherwise he's always been the same. And I guess I haven't explained why he has a human form, but that's also an answer to discover later. I didn't draw his Necrofriggian form tho cuz we should all know what the UAF design looks like(and yes I am screwing with art style difference bullshit cuz OV Big Chill is not real and you cannot convince me otherwise). And I also just realized his pronouns aren't matching up in this section so I should add his official pronouns are he/they, but characters refer to him by he/him and narration uses they/them. He is still a Necrofriggian and therefore doesn't do the whole gender thing after all. Which is why he's fine with anyone viewing him as whatever they want to too. He just goes with it. That's also why he doesn't get what's weird about him calling Ben 'Mother' after he learned the word, lol.

[spiders-hth-is-an-outlier]

Okay start us out with those Magicians Opinions!

the first character i ever fell in love with:  LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT QUENTIN COLDWATER.  Okay, but yeah, they really introduced him in a way that worked-worked for me – that whole opening sequence that cuts between Quentin being tense and closed-off and miserable in this hollow, almost angry way in the office of the hospital, and Quentin trying to act normal at a party, making wan jokes while the misery and the anger leaks out of him and makes him just so unpalatable to be around – I mean, Jason Ralph just takes the character by the throat instantly and Goes There.  I remember thinking as I was watching it that this was the first “anxious nerd dude” character I'd ever seen who wasn't being framed as actually funny/weird/charming/vulnerable/the clear audience stand-in, but framed as if he were a real person who's really eaten up by depression and self-loathing, and just as off-putting as that is in real life.  I vividly remember just having that reaction of, “Oh. This is about someone who's really hanging on by his fingernails, not just Hollywood Depressed,” and latching on so hard, because I needed to see that so much, and I needed to root for him to find his reason, not in spite of but because as a character he was resistant to being liked by other people, by the audience. It's not loveable and charming, to hate yourself, to find your life barely tolerable.  It's not a position from which it's easy to see your way forward, and to me Quentin is the most honest expression of that reality that I had ever seen in genre tv.  So like, I get why some people didn't like him in first season – he's intentionally tough to like – but I was ultra-invested from minute one, and literally everything he ever said or did made me love him more.

a character that i used to love/like, but now do not: I think I was kind of intrigued by Fen early on – I liked the idea that she was this naive fairy-tale girl who was going to have this harsh awakening when her Destined Prince turned out to be a real person who couldn't fulfill her fantasies, who was going to have to figure out who she was beyond “going to marry the king someday.”  That seemed like an interesting arc, and here and there they were kind of doing it – I love the realpolitik she occasionally comes out with, particularly that one scene on the boat when she's like, “The dipshits from my hometown are going to execute me because of you, so sticking with you is kind of my only option and that's just happening.”  But then...I don't know, she's really irritating, and they got this weird thing in their heads where her problem is that Eliot sucks, instead of that being The Girl Who Will Marry the King Someday is a sucky role to be forced into making a real life out of, and I just gave up trying to like her eventually.

a ship that i used to love/like, but now do not: I liked Penny/Kady all right, until they started doing the weird thing where “in Doomed Love with Penny” was Kady's only emotional arc, like – they actually had her say that all she ever cared about was being Penny's girlfriend, and that's the kind of thing that kind of retroactively ruins the pairing for me.

my ultimate favorite character™: So after everything I said up top – it's actually Eliot.  That snuck up on me!  And my love for Quentin never went away, not by any means, but.  God, Eliot.

prettiest character: If I try to take an objective stance, I'd say it's probably Margo?  Like, she's just unearthly beautiful.  But there's something about Jason Ralph's goddamn face that – I don't know, it just enthralls me; he does okay-ish at playing Normal-Looking for TV, but also if I look at him for too long it kind of hurts, he's so stupidly gorgeous.

my most hated character: Hyman.  And I thought we were supposed to hate Hyman, but then season 5 allegedly happened, and everyone was like, aw, Hyman's okay!  But – no he's not?  He's obviously not okay? He deeply sucks?  Ugh, season 5.

my OTP: Hi, I'm Milo, and welcome to my Tumblr.  But yeah, it's Quentin/Eliot, canonical soulmates and The Ditch I Will Die In.

my NOTP: You know, they kind of wore me down to the point of “fine, what the fuck ever,” but I still don't support Margo/Josh.  It's bad, it's a bad relationship, it was a bad idea.

favorite episode: I really love Be the Penny, but the actual answer is Escape From the Happy Place.  I feel allegiance to Be the Penny, I have not a negative word to say about it, but Escape from the Happy Place is just a level beyond, it's astonishingly good.

saddest death: This question is a microaggression and I will not stand for it.

favorite season: I'm about to break your brain, but – it's 4!  It's season 4!  I fucking love the first ten episodes of s4!  I love the Monster, I love Bad News Bear, I love Hard Glossy Armor, I love fucking Santa Claus.  I think s4 has this great propulsive energy where the rest of the series has always been plagued by a tendency to kind of throw everything at the wall and see if anything sticks, the stakes are clear, the external villain and the emotional stuff work together for once, everyone's performances are so strong.  The collapse at the end feels so appalling to me in part because I was totally on the ride for most of the season.

least favorite season: I mean, it's season 5, but it didn't have to be.  I was never going to get over Quentin's death, per se, but I think there were ways to structure the next season that would've been workable, and honestly there are things about s5 that I do like.  I watched most of 5 feeling like it was – messy, but messy in the same way that s2 was messy, the same way The Magicians has always been a little messy, and it wasn't until the end when I really just threw up my hands and was like, okay, I get it, there was never a plan, none of this was going anywhere.  God, the last couple of episodes still frustrate me so much, because right up until that point, there was still time to salvage a lot of character work, but nope!

character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but i hate: So I don't hate her, and in fact I came to kind of like her eventually, but I did actively hate Julia for a long, long time.  Just.  Like, she really – pushes my buttons in a very specific way, and if she were a real person I would absolutely love myself by having as little contact as possible with Julia, but because everyone except me loves her so much, I really kind of forced myself to delve into her and try to see what people liked about her, and I do think it was a pretty successful project.  I would definitely say at this point that I appreciate Julia as a character, and I have a pretty good sense of what Stuff she activates in me that produces that ruffled reaction, which has allowed me to go beyond Julia Sucks Actually to This Character Is Not Really For Me.  I love and support the 98% of fandom who like Julia!  In my way, I love and support Julia!  But kind of like – a sibling you're sort of forced to into a relationship with, that you love even though they drive you crazy and you're not too sure you will really ever like them.

my ‘you’re piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave: The Monster.  I mean, it's not that I wanted a redemption arc for him or anything (although @portraitofemmy has always been onto something with the idea that if the Monster is essentially a child, allowing Quentin to save the world by parenting him would've been a pretty clever payoff for long-term arcs), he's just the kind of villain that is just endlessly fun to watch.

my ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave: I mean, that's a pretty succinct summary of the entire Eliot Waugh Experience.

my ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship: With the caveat that I still don't believe in guilt because these are just imaginary people in imaginary stories, I definitely still think there's a great romantic tragedy right there for the taking with Eliot/Seb.  I wouldn't say the show should have done it, because that would obviously have been just a very different direction than they intended to go, but as a non-canonical ship, I think it's so potentially rich, and someday I'm going to have time to go back to that story I was writing about them, whether or not anyone else ever gives a shit about it.

my ‘they’re kind of cute, and i lowkey ship them, but i’m not too invested’ ship: I never could figure out what people's issue was with Julia/Penny23, they seemed to make each other happy.  He was a sweet, supportive dude, and I like their little Wild Thornberrys Interdimensional Adventurers family at the end, although I wish they'd done it on purpose, because “guess what life-changing thing is happening to Julia's body without her consent this week!” was not a well the writers needed to go back to, in my opinion.  But I like the idea that Julia ends up with a good guy and a magic kid and is off doing quests and shit, the whole shebang, I thought that was a nice ending.  For whatever that's worth, and I imagine that from the perspective of a real Julia fan, my opinion at this point is not worth much!

[highqueenofelfhame]

Heyy can you do either “the worst part, I loved you anyway” or “I needed you. And you weren’t there” for rowaelin? Love youu 💜

AS PART OF OUR BELOVED TOXIC AU (you guys call it the military au) here is their breakup. ENJOY. “Aelin?” His voice rang through their apartment as he entered, dropping his bags by the door. Rowan had been off on deployment for the last nine months, hadn’t seen his girlfriend in four months since he’d managed to have a four day weekend and he flew home from the wastes to see her while he could. It had initially been planned that she would pick him up from the airport, but two days ago she had sent him an email that she couldn’t, and asked if he could get a ride with Fenrys back to the apartment complex. It hadn’t been a problem at all, Fen hadn’t minded a single bit.

As he moved through their apartment, he became more and more confused. Their living was half packed into boxes, and upon peering into one of them he discovered that it was her stuff that filled them. His stuff, what little of it he actually had, was still where it had always been.

They had lived in this apartment for five years and had been dating for seven. The both of them were in the military, but Aelin was stationed and doing a lot of work within Terrasen. Rowan had always been deployed elsewhere because he kept signing up for new deployments, never opting to stay home. He liked to travel, liked to feel like he was doing good work on a more broad of a scale. Aelin loved her country so much that she liked to make Terrasen better from wherever she was able, bonus points if she got to stay in Orynth and see her nephews grow.

“Fireheart?” He tried again, slipping between two towers of boxes and into their bedroom where Aelin stood with her back to him, an open suitcase on the bench at the foot of the bed as she packed clothing away. “Baby, what’s going on?” It was then that she stilled, turning her head slightly to look at him over her shoulder.

“I’m leaving, Rowan.”

“Where are you being deployed?” At that, she snorted, a huff of a laugh following soon after as she turned with her arms folding across her chest. Her eyes were bloodshot and swollen, emphasizing their unusual coloring, her cheeks puffy and red. Aelin had been crying, and from the looks of it, she’d been crying hard. Even her eyes were puffy.

“I’m not leaving the country, I’m leaving you.” Her eyes met his then, her lips pursed. She nodded, but it seemed to be mostly to herself than for his benefit. His phone slipped out of his hand and he started to shake his head.

“What are you-”

“I was pregnant. You got me pregnant. And I was going to tell you when you got home but I miscarried last week,” her voice became thicker the more she talked, thick and heavy, her face crumpling as fresh tears started to fall. “I need you. I needed you and you,” she shoved him, “weren’t,” another shove, “here.”  A final shove  to his chest and he stumbled back a few steps, but reached out for her. Aelin completely recoiled, shaking her head at him. There was a loud ringing in his ears, a ringing he couldn’t quite force out of his mind. “Don’t touch me.”

“Baby-”

“Don’t call me that. For years, Rowan, I have been begging you to stop going on the deployments. Focus on our relationship. Marry me. You won’t even propose. So how I even managed to delude myself into thinking that the baby would be a good thing for us anyway is so fucking beyond me,” she laughed then, but it was empty. It was painful to hear, especially considering the words that had come before it. “You don’t really want me. I think you think you do but you don’t otherwise choosing me when I asked wouldn’t have been hard. You don’t want me so I’m letting you go.”

“Aelin-”

“And the worst part is that I love you anyway!” Another dead laugh from her mouth, this time her head falling back to look at the ceiling as though she were trying to make the tears sink back into her head. “Gods I love you and I’m not even a priority on your list. If I’m on it, I’m at the bottom and it’s, bullshit and I deserve better. Because I needed you,” she said again, stressing the word needed. “I need you and you weren’t here. You weren’t here. And if you had just skipped out on this deployment like I begged you to, you would have been and maybe we wouldn’t this would be a different conversation but you weren’t here and I went through waking up in my own blood by myself. I went through losing our child by myself.”

It was quiet then, the silence so thick and heavy that it was stifling. It was suffocating. Rowan felt like he couldn’t breathe. Tears soaked his cheeks but he wasn’t even sure when he started crying. Rowan had never felt the physical ache and loss that he felt in his chest that he felt right now. It felt like someone was breaking every single rib open to tear out his physical heart. If he didn’t know better, he might genuinely believe he was having a heart attack the ache was so strong.

“Please don’t leave me. Please, Aelin, I love you. You have to know that-”

“How would I know that, Rowan? What have you done to show me that you love me in the last two years?” Her arms were thrown wide as she enunciated her point, and he scrambled to think of a single moment where he had shown her, had made her feel like he loved.

“If you want to get married, we can get married, Aelin, please, I-” Another joyless laugh from her lips, more heavy tears falling down her cheeks.

“I don’t want you to marry me because it’s a last ditch effort to keep me from leaving you. I want you to marry me because you love me so much that you can’t imagine it any other way. That’s all I have ever wanted, Rowan. For you to love me. But you don’t.” He did. Gods above, he did. If he could just get to his bags -

But she was pushing passed him, bumping his shoulder on the way out of the room, her arms wrapped around herself so tightly that it was like she was trying to not fall completely apart.

“I’ll come back from my stuff when you’re not here. Just let me know when that is.” And then she was out the door. It didn’t even slam, though he thought it would have been better if it did. The quiet closing was somehow worse because it showed that she had been thinking about doing this for some time, even if that was only a week.

Rowan stumbled back out into the living room, falling to his knees at his bags that he had left by the door. Numbly he dug through the pockets, his fingers finally closing around the small box that rest at the bottom. When he flipped open the lid, the emerald ring inside glistened in the sun that streamed in through the window. It seemed to mock him - so he closed the box and threw it so hard across the room that it dented the drywall.

He did love her that much. He just realized it too late.

@starseternalnighttriumphant @city-of-fae @throne-of-ashes-and-beauty @musicmaam

[skywalkerbc]

Mads’ massive bellarke rec (pt.1)

So I’ve been asked a couple times to make a bellarke fanfiction rec list so here it is! (Okay so I realised that I had way too many bc our fandom is filled with so many talented authors so even though this is actually massive, there will be several parts)

(Also- I don’t know everyone’s tumblrs so if you know any of these author’s tumblr accounts, please lmk so I can link them properly!)

In no particular order, here are some of my all time fav blarke fics:

~

MODERN-VERSE AUS

I dreamed you a sin (and a lie) by monroeslittle

“If I do this,” Blake said, “how are you imagining it’s going to work? I can’t just knock on his door, and say I want in again. It’s been eleven years. And even before I left, I never cared about the business. Do you have a plan? You say you want me to open the door for an agent. How? What’s that mean?”

“You’re going to get in touch with your grandfather again at your wedding,” Clarke said.

He stared.

“I hope you don’t have a girlfriend, Mr. Blake.”

fake!married AU. Clarke's in the FBI, Bellamy's the grandson of a mobster, and they've got to work together.

~

Lines in the Sand by @fen-ha-fuck-you

“You looked like you were gonna hurl when you got up,” Raven said, pausing for a moment. “I’m not sure this is better.”

Clarke shook her head minutely, finally looking up at herself in the mirror. She quickly wiped away the tears that had fallen. She hadn’t even noticed. “I’m fine.”

“No,” Raven replied, her eyebrows scrunching together. “You’re not.”

“I just… had a little too much to drink. That’s all.”

“That why you’re strangling that poor sink?”

~

i’m not asking much of you by emmylou

When Clarke gets invited to her ex's wedding- her CHEATING ex's wedding- she knows she can't go alone. She's not dating anyone, so she has to find a boyfriend, real or fake, fast. Luckily, Octavia knows just the guy.

~

I’d Promise You Everything (But I’m Not Sure How Much Good There Is In That) by @talistheintrovert

Bellamy has never been a huge fan of Valentine's Day, but Clarke outright hates it. Her father died at the start of February when she was in high school, she found out her first boyfriend was cheating on her two weeks later, and then almost exactly a year after that, her girlfriend dumped her to travel around Asia.

But now they're in their 20s and Bellamy finally admitted that he loved her a few months ago. He knows this is the real thing and he absolutely knows that she feels the same way, but he also knows how miserable Clarke gets around Valentine's, and he's determined to cheer her up this time.

~

hold me in your beating heart by amberwoods

He’d got out of bed and walked to the nursery to console his youngest child. When he’d been shushing and cradling her for about twenty minutes, he noticed a silhouette hovering in the door opening. Clarke.

“I’ve got her,” he’d said softly, his voice rough with sleep, “Go back to bed.”

She just stood there. When he took a closer look, he noticed she had a strange expression on her face. She was looking at Madi.

“Clarke?” he asked carefully.

~

And There’s a Hand My Trusty Friend by Who_Needs_Reality

He sighs dramatically. “Can’t believe you’re not gonna let me kiss you until next year.” That sends a sudden, sharp jolt of sadness through Clarke, the realisation that they’re going to be spending another day spent pretending that she’s not his; it means ushering in their first year together… by, well, not being together.

Or, {NYE fluff where Bellamy and Clarke are together, but since they're keeping it a secret from their friends, they run into an unforeseen complication.}

~

A Little Bit of Something (God, It’s Better Than Nothing) by @grumpybell

“-Clarke.” He sounds alarmed, suddenly, none of the casual, arrogant, amusement that had been in his voice moments before. “What?” “Why is your mom calling me?” “Shit. Don't answer that. Listen, okay. She and I kind of got into an argument today-” “-what else is new?” “Shut up. Anyway, she told me she's getting married and there was just so much subtext about my failure at relationships and my lack of love life, and I might have told her I'm engaged too.” There's silence on the other end of the phone. “To you,” Clarke prompts.

~

I Don’t Need Your Love (I Just Need You Now) by @talistheintrovert

“What was the worst part?” Raven asked.

“Probably when he shoved me against a wall and stuck his tongue down my throat,” Clarke admitted, sipping her hot chocolate, which she quickly realised was spiked with rum. God, her friends were perfect.

Octavia and Raven both gasped, but it was Bellamy’s reaction that she found the most interesting. He didn’t say anything, didn’t look up from his book, or even alter his expression, but his hand balled into a fist on the arm of his chair.

OR: The AU where Clarke and Bellamy hate each other until Bellamy realises she's being mistreated, and does his best to protect her.

~

Come Close (And Then Even Closer) by sheryl_sems

Clarke thinks about Octavia and how her best friend had stormed out of the house earlier that day, furious at Clarke for taking her brother's side in their argument. She thinks about Raven, and Monty, and Jasper, and Wells, and Lincoln but in the end, she really only wants one person by her side and it's fruitless to fight herself on this one.

"Could you call Bellamy?" She finally says in a soft, hoarse whisper.

Or the one where Clarke is attacked and the only person she wants by her side in the aftermath is Bellamy Blake.

~

You Look Like a Movie. You Sound Like a Song. by lordmxrphy

She knows shouldn’t care. She and Bellamy were never together. They never dated. But for as long as Clarke can remember, Bellamy’s held her heart. Even if he’ll never know it.

(a modern au inspired by when we were young by adele)

~

What We Do to Each Other by marauders_groupie

A Bellarke AU in which Bellamy and Clarke are childhood best friends, separated by life and trying to relearn each other again.

~

A Symbol of Goodwill And Love by LayALioness

“So when you said we need a good tree, you meant,” he hedges, and she huffs, little clouds of steam escaping her mouth.

“One that needs a good home,” she says, like it’s obvious. “Shopping for a Christmas tree is like going to the pound—you don’t look for a purebred at the pound, Bellamy. You look for the puppy with a missing eye, or mange. One that needs us.”

“If this is code for wanting us to get a puppy,” Bellamy muses, reaching out to tug on the tassels of her hat. “I think we should probably live together, first.”

~

We Have to Stop Meeting Like This by @goldenheadfreckledheart

Tumblr prompt: “We both have friends who party too hard and we keep running into each other in the bathroom while we hold their hair back.”

Aka, the three times Bellamy and Clarke meet each other while taking care of their friends + the one time they don’t.

~

Christmas Sweaters by lightyears

Clarke's upset that she won't fit into her Christmas sweater this year. Bellamy surprises her with a new one.

~

Ladylike by Who_Needs_Reality

Bellamy stares at her. "You want me to make out with you. Platonically."

Clarke very resolutely does not panic. "Do it for the views, Bellamy."

(Or, an AU in which Clarke works for a Buzzfeed-esque company, and has to kiss someone in order to test lipstick durability for a new video. Feelings and decidedly non-platonic nonsense ensue.)

~

Love Is Not a Victory March by @asroarke

“You could have been here four years ago,” she reminded, raising her eyebrows at him.

“No, I couldn’t have. I needed to be here with you,” he replied, and Clarke felt like the breath had been knocked out of her. It wasn’t the first time he said something like that, of course. But it caught her off guard every damn time.

“Was it worth the wait?”

“Yes, you were,” he replied, and how could Clarke not kiss him after that?

Olympics AU where a knee injury kept Bellamy and Clarke from making it to the Olympics... the first time around.

~

the tie that binds me to you by glowinghorizons

“we’ve been pen pals for like hella months and we finally decided to meet up and damn you’re cute, also did you break up with your jerk bf/gf yet?” au

or:

bellamy and clarke finally meet after months and months of hand-written letters, phone calls and text messages.

~

you bring me honeysuckle by caramelle

It suddenly strikes Bellamy, one day, that his girlfriend is in possession of what has to be the best hair in the entire cosmos.

Or, the one where Bellamy's fixation with Clarke's hair is totally normal and healthy.

~

Walk With Me by arysa13

Bellamy is pretty sure you aren't supposed to hit on the people you're supposed to be getting home safely, but he kind of wants to anyway.

Prompt: Bellamy works at safe walk and Clarke keeps falling asleep studying. And is the last one to leave the library every night!

~

Sugar, Spice, and All Things Nice by Who_Needs_Reality

Clarke just really wants a peppermint mocha. Breaking into the apartment of her ex, with whom she may-or-may-not still kind of be madly in love, is an unplanned side effect. Mostly.

Based on the prompt "listen i know i can’t just show up at your apartment at six in the morning but i need coffee and no one makes it like you do”

~

time flies but you’re the pilot by @onemanbellarmy

“Wait a minute, your new art teacher is Clarke Griffin?”

Gus paused to consider. “I think so?”

A huff of a surprised laugh escaped Bellamy. He hadn’t talked to Clarke since college.

(or, single parent x child's teacher AU)

~

the girl next door by funfanfin

The first time he hears her, he’s making his grandmother’s afritada recipe, a dish that reminds him of long, lazy, hot summers in the Philippines.

The first time he learns her name is on a Tuesday so ordinary and average he wouldn’t have remembered it otherwise.

The first time he realizes he loves her is during the early hours of a cool morning, with her curled into his side.

-OR-Bellamy hears singing from the apartment next door. It isn't long before he meets the girl behind the smoky, haunted voice, and it isn't long before he learns the reasons for her sorrow-filled singing.

~

only fools rush in by @chants-de-lune

based on the tumblr prompt:

"just drove a guy home from a bar and for the whole 15 minutes he talked about how excited he was to see his wife"

~

the fuzziest of woodland creatures by tempestaurora

“it’s 2 in the morning and i was just trying to get home but i left my sunroof open all day and now there’s a squirrel in my car and it scared me and i drove into a pole – would you please stop laughing you’re a cop. you’re supposed to be helping”

~

Settling Debts by indygoh

"Um. Thank you. You didn't have to," she peeked up at him, suddenly shy for some reason. "I can pay you back."

Bellamy just chuckled, already shaking his head before she could finish her sentence.

"I've got a little sister. She probably would have kicked my ass if she found out I didn't do something to help you out back there."

Clarke raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Do you always rescue strange girls in desperate need of tampons?"

"Only the really cute ones with crowns on their butts."

~

when love hits (better make it worth the fall) by kay_emm_gee

Summary: Four times Clarke gets hit on the head (+1 time she doesn't) during her last semester of high school, and every single time, Bellamy Blake is somehow involved.

~

Turn the tide on my losing side by Lalalli

Clarke doesn’t know why Thelonius Jaha keeps posting really random shit to her Facebook wall, but whatever. It’s fine. It was weird at first, but she’s used to it now.

And then Bellamy gets involved and it gets weird again.

~

My Soft Place to Land by Who_Needs_Reality

Bellamy's happy to be back. He's even happier to see who's waiting for him.

{Or, soldier!Bellamy comes back home after being deployed and meets someone special}

~

We Keep it a Secret (You Leave Me Dying to Know) by @ringsabellamy

Bellamy doesn’t claim to be the greatest at dating, especially considering he’s been quietly in love with his best friend for the past six years, but hey, at least he’s been /trying/ to get over her. Not, of course, that this current situation is helping.

Or: Bellamy just asked Clarke to fake being his girlfriend for one date, honest. But then things got a little...out of hand.

~

If You Like Your Coffee Hot by marauders_groupie

They haven't been friends for a very long time but Bellamy still can't ignore Clarke acting out and getting into fights when she was a model student just a few months ago. They might’ve kept each other at distance for years but she is still his first best friend.

~

Calm my tears, Kill these fears by @goldenheadfreckledheart

Prompt: I somehow always get you as a cashier at Walmart and it's always when I’m buying the weirdest shit at the weirdest time. “A head of lettuce at 3am?” "It's a long story”

~

bit of a disaster, aren’t we? by katsumi

Clarke breaks her ankle and really would prefer that Bellamy not find out about it. She has a feeling he's going to get mad. (She's right.)

~~~

CANON-VERSE AUS

Meet Me in the Morning by monroeslittle

“I guess one of us is messed up,” he said, “and it’s part of our hallucination that the other is, too.” He paused. “Seems appropriately hellish that my mind sticks me with you.”

She pursed her lips. “Likewise.”

AU. Clarke is trapped in a stupid time loop, and guess who's trapped with her?

~

I Miss Our Little Talks by @chants-de-lune

“Wow,” she breathed out. “I thought that one would have done me in.”

Bellamy didn’t smile, shaking his head and taking the slightest edge of coldness off his glare.

“You took a bullet for me.” he said through gritted teeth. “Don’t ever do that again.”

~

Today is Dying by theprincessandtheking

“Look, sorry, but it’s an emergency,” Harper said, eyes firmly fixed on the wall ahead of her.

The tea he’d downed at the bar was still in his system, as evidenced by the way the room spun when he reached for his shirt a few feet away and struggled to pull it over his head.

“So much of an emergency that you couldn’t knock?”

“It’s Clarke.”

~

That I Will Never Escape by @talistheintrovert

“Execute me; I poisoned you. Let Clarke live."

“Very well,” Octavia raised a hand and a soldier with a gun pointed it down at him. He steeled himself for the bullet that would end his life, but before it left the chamber, Clarke yelled out.

“No!”

He jumped, surprised, when she moved suddenly, and he registered in his periphery as she snatched the sword from the floor and spun it in her hand deftly.

“Clarke, what are you doing?” Bellamy frowned, his gaze switching to her, but a part of him already knew. His body was reacting to it before his brain could catch up – he felt his breath catch in his throat, and his heart-rate speed up.

~

we were nothing more than stardust by cresswell

"I'm going to kill that bastard," he says quietly, bent close to Clarke's ear. "He's not going to touch you again, and I'm going to kill him."

Her pinkie finger extends, brushing the waistband of his jeans, and he carefully pushes their palms together, lacing their fingers. He thinks she smiles in her sleep.

~

Love is Not a Whisper (or a weakness) by monroeslittle

"There was a strange, muffled snap, and the tentacle around her middle was retracted. The hold on her ankle was gone, and Bellamy was pulling her up through the water. She began to pump her arms, and they broke the surface; she gasped, and coughed.

He pressed a gun into her hand. “If you see a ripple, shoot,” he ordered."

AU. The dropship doesn't land on land. The next seven years are a little bit different.

~

Astraphobia by @chants-de-lune

The fear of thunder and lightning. In other words, rainy day cuddling with a bit of angst.

~

Trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat by islabbe

There was blood everywhere; some of it red, but most of it was black. Bellamy wrinkled his nose at the metallic smell as it filled his nose. Pushing down the reflex to gag, he quickly made his way over to the tent.

“Clarke, stay with me,” he said gruffly, his voice straining as bent down to enter hers and Madi’s tent. She was drifting in and out of consciousness and Bellamy knew the longer he dawdled, the less time she had.

~

We Can’t Leave Us Behind by @ringsabellamy

"I don’t blame you for that, not anymore. I understand why you had to leave. But it still hurt, Clarke. And I guess...I think your goodbye reminds me of how I felt. Of what it was like to lose you.”

“The kiss,” she says, eyes full of sudden realization. “You think when I kiss you, it means I’m going to leave you.”

Or: Bellamy has a lot of healing to do, one try at a time.

~

Set The Dark On Fire by @talistheintrovert​

Clarke isn't coping well with peacetime on the Eligius ship, and while Bellamy has woken some of the others (mainly spacekru) and tries to organise a trip to the ground, making decisions and considering all the variables, Clarke makes a choice of her own:

She'll take herself out of the equation.

OR: the post season 5 idea I had to write because all of the unresolved emotional turmoil this season is actually killing me and someone needs to notice that Clarke is in pain, for the love of god.

~ 

for everything unsaid (there is a flourish of my pride) by theprincessandtheking

“I don’t know,” he says. “I guess I just didn’t really care either way anymore.”

She pauses, and from the corner of his eye he can see the odd expression on her face.

“So in the middle of wartime, when everything is going to hell around us, shaving is still a priority. But you spend six years with all the free time in the world for it, and suddenly you don’t care?”

He tries to smile at the joke, but he thinks it comes out as more of a grimace.

“I guess down here it was more of a sense of normalcy,” he explains. “But with you gone—”

He pauses, clears his throat in an attempt to keep his voice steady.

“Without you there, nothing really felt normal.”

~

I can never be alone when all gods keep calling me out by angel_deux

Raven fixes the radio after a few years, and Clarke can talk to them again.

~

they will see my strength (in this love i’ve found) by glowinghorizons 

“If you’re married they won’t let you go alone.”

The silence is deafening. Bellamy braces himself for the slap he knows is going to come his way any second, but it never happens.

“You--” she sounds breathless. “You don’t even know me.”

Bellamy shrugs. “Look. I-- this is crazy. I know. I just know that I can’t let my sister go to the ground without me.”

OR, Clarke finds out she's being sent to the Ground only days after her Dad dies. Bellamy is determined to go to the Ground with his sister. They need to fool everyone to make it work.

~

Like a Second Heart by Who_Needs_Reality

She’s hardly surprised, the first few times it happens. The hallucinations are vivid, but not long, not much, just short, staccato bursts of him, tiny pieces to keep her going -- his hand extended out to her to help her up from the rubble, his voice a soothing murmur in her ear telling her she’ll be alright until she finds water… of course she sees him, of course she hears him. It’s Bellamy -- who else would her mind conjure up to help her survive? There are worse symptoms praimfaya has left her with than a few too-real imaginings of her best friend after all.

{Clarke's not worried when she starts to hallucinate Bellamy. It's only when the dreams continue to haunt her even after the real Bellamy comes back that she's concerned}

~

We Sure Know How to Run by winterwaters

While attempting to get Jaha farther from the AI and the nuclear warhead, Clarke, Murphy and Emori run into trouble from another tribe and Clarke is injured. Bellamy and his group happen to be following that tribe and help take care of her. On the way home, she confronts her feelings for Bellamy - with a bit of help from Emori.

~

darling, just hold my hand by killianslonghaul

“I know you don’t like public displays of affection, but… you’re really not going to kiss me goodbye?”

or

Bellamy doesn't really do PDA, but he might make an exception.

~

baby on board by katebishop 

As a soon-to-be father, Bellamy thinks he's feeling the appropriate amount of worry and concern for his pregnant wife.

Clarke thinks he's utterly ridiculous.

~~~

Other AUS

Forbidden Words by onceuponahundred 

we’re in between classes, and we both hear a fourth year calling a first year a mudblood, and neither of us are having any of that prejudiced bullshit. unfortunately, my impulse was to hex them, and yours was to punch them in the face, and my jelly-legs curse hit you instead, i’m really sorry, and we both are probably getting detention now, but hey, plus side, you’re kind of cute

{Bellarke in Harry Potter}

~

Name One Hero Who Was Happy by Who_Needs_Reality

Clarke huffs again, and he glances at her.

“The Curse of Achilles, Bellamy? Do you know how risky that was?”

“I got the idea when I felt my soul being torn from my body.”

She sniffs, imperious. “How did you do it?”

“Huh?” Her voice is smaller when she speaks again. “How did you...not get your soul...y’know?”

“Oh,” he swallows. “I had some help.”

{Bellarke in a Percy Jackson/The Last Olympian AU}

~

Don’t Think I Want What I Used to Want by arysa13 

Bellamy has a compass that points to what his heart most desires, which, as a pirate, must be treasure, obviously.

~

can’t control my feelings, can’t control my thoughts by katsumi

When Jasper accidentally gifts Clarke a love potion, everyone she interacts with starts acting...weird. Everyone, that is, except Bellamy. [Hogwarts AU]

~~~

[faeriewild]

I love my Watcher from Pillars of Eternity, so I’m gonna go on about her for a bit. 

Name: Fenwë Cervenen (pronounced Fen-Way  ~ Ser-v’Hen-n’EHn)

Race: Pale Elf (Glamfellen)

Class: PoE1: Ranger - PoE2: Ghost Heart Ranger/Fury Druid - all ice/storm/spirit based attacks (I only play things by aesthetic) - her stag also dies at the beginning of PoE2 :( :(

Background: Hunter

Home: The White that Wends - a barren winter wasteland

Age: 43 in PoE1 - 48 PoE2

Romance: Aloth Corfiser

Dispositions: PoE1: Stoic, Rational, Benevolent, Honest - PoE2: Diplomatic, Benevolent, Honest, Clever

Closest companions: Sagani, Tekēhu, Maia and Edér (they grow distant in PoE2 though) 

Dislikes: Gluttony, Cruelty, Piety and purposeful ignorance - The Gods in general. 

Appearance: She looks like a walking marble statue, she has no coloring and looks unnerving. Even her eyes are a muted grey. Many Dyrwoodians thought she was a risen dead and was referenced as “the corpse” before her reputation grew. Her time in warmer climate gives her a more lively looking pallor of some very light blushes of pink, or other shades of grey when exerting herself or when embarrassed. 

Background

Grew up in The White that Wends with a close highly religious sect of Glamfellen. She was raised to respect and fear the god Rymrgand and assist in the heralding of Rymrgand’s word. 

Fenwë was raised communally, and has pitiful knowledge of her parentage.  What little she does know is through trinkets and worn scrolls The heraldry, though minimal, shows a connection to deer/antlers - at some point the animals were used as a symbol for her house. 

A druidic elder who was the closest thing to a father figure, told her that he lineage was an old and noble one, but it is no consequence anymore, as she was raised by the community and now must serve and provide for them. She believes her parents died but has no great grief over it - as she is not the only Glamfellen child to be raised this way. 

Out of necessity for survival, Fenwë learned to hunt, becoming a skilled and hardened hunter - as she had to in order to survive the bitter cold of her homeland. On an expedition with a few other hunters they felled some deer.  Fenwë found a fawn half frozen in the snow. Feeling a kinship with the lost fawn and ignoring the harsh jeers of her companions to leave or kill the creature, she took the fawn and hid it and raised it. The fawn grew into a stag named Cerven. The creature was the only thing that came to resemble family. (she’s basically Kristoff from Frozen y’all) 

As Fenwë grew she came to resent the elders, who hoarded knowledge and who demanded her to risk her and her companions life to put a bounty of food on their own tables - while she was given scraps and often left starving when times were more difficult. 

In rebellion, she would sneak into druidic lessons, trying her best to commit the shared knowledge to memory. She was forbidden of this knowledge - as it went against her assigned role, but she was drawn to the cold nature magic the Glamfellen druids used.

Harder still, as she was no elder she was never taught to read. A fact that became a source of bitterness for her. Smuggling some scrolls from druidic elders - she began the arduous task of teaching herself. By herself, she could not get far though, only able to read simple sentences. And if she read aloud she would mispronounce words quite a lot. She was caught on more than one occasion, often punished with lashings.

The hoarding of knowledge was a catalyst for her to distance herself from her people, even more so, a budding resentment towards Rymrgand grew. Her people were living to die, cutting themselves off from progress or a better life.

After years of frustration a passing group of adventurers came across her on a hunt. Fenwë, though lacking in social graces, managed to convince them to allow her to be their guide through the cold landscape. Gathering her belongings (and some stolen druidic texts), she left with them and eventually heard of a settlement opportunity in the Dyrwood.. 

Relationship with Aloth: (time to get sappy)

After rescuing and traveling with Aloth, Fenwë would watch him leaf through book after book with pure envy. When caught staring Aloth would often mistake her looks as interest or even judgement. Often times Aloth would turn the tomes for her to look at, which would only result in a burning shame for her as she would only reply with “interesting” before changing the subject.

This continued for weeks, with Fenwë eagerly asking questions of him - thirsty for any source of knowledge and turning over any notes or books they found to her companions to read.

After coming to trust Aloth enough, she approached him while they were staying at an inn, and took the opportunity for privacy to show him the druidic texts she stole. This led to a conversation about her ability to read, in which she asked him to help her. 

To her relief, Aloth did not judge her and they began the ritual of reading every time they camped or stayed at an inn/tavern. To save her pride while in the company of others, they would sit side by side and Fenwë would quietly ask for help from Aloth when needed, or he would correct her in a way that would not draw attention. 

From this, a deeper friendship grew between them, and more personal histories where shared. Fenwë, having never known this kind of affection for another - was stoic and tight lipped about it. Though Sagani and a few others, quickly noticed Fenwë’s fond looks towards the skittish elf.

They shared small moments of sharing knowledge, and magic and stories. They were always guarded until the events of Aloth’s story in PoE1 play out. With secrets revealed their relationship truly bloomed, and they often lagged behind the party so they were given time to talk. It was clear The Watcher had a favorite.

Fenwë fell in love with him, and despite the encouragement from Sagani, Kana (the two who noticed - or at least the two who said anything) and some randy suggestions from Hiravias, nothing progressed between the two despite some meaningful touches or confessions of care. 

As Aloth left to dismantle the leaden key, Fenwë set about the task of being the Lady of Caed Nua. Her feelings for him quieted but never left. There were brief affairs for her over the five years - though guarded and generally only physical. With little word from Aloth, Fenwë was determined to let her feelings fade in truth, even though that proved impossible. 

The events of PoE2 play out as they do in game, and I’m still playing through it so idk all of it yet. Suffice to say seeing Aloth again completely devastates any idea Fenwë had that she was over him.  Fenwë is more knowledgeable in PoE2, having continued her education since Aloth left and more sure of herself, but still has the biggest soft spot for Aloth. There’s jealousy when Tekēhu flirts with Fenwë, as they also share druid spells and knowledge.  There are lots of looks and angst and it’s pretty good and I love them. And thank god they just gave up and smooched. 

[imperiuswrecked]

Having some Namor feels lately, how do you think he behaves when he's in love? Please and thank you 🤗

Oh you came to the perfect place for this, I have so many things to say about Namor being in love. (long post warning)

My favorite Namor in love quote is: “Woe to love that it should demand such a price. For surely now I must cut out my living heart!”

Namor has a romantic soul, under ten thousands leagues of salty dramatic bitchiness that is.

From reading the comics you can tell that when Namor falls in love he falls HARD. Something he picked up from his mom probably or his dad since both of them got married asap, like a few weeks (or days) or something after they met. Namor is also very loyal, like his mother, Princess Fen who never loved another person after she lost her husband Captain Leonard Mckenzie. So if he marries you and say you turn into a giant sea monster and hurt alot of people and will only be more destructive as time goes on, he will still sit by your side and try everything to save you, even when you don’t recognize him anymore.

Namor is great at falling in love but is horrible at staying in love, like he just doesn’t know how to be in a long term relationship probably because every relationship he has been in hasn’t lasted long at all. I’m talking from the moment they both confess their love for each other until death, its really fast, like Namor proposed to Lady Dorma and she died on their wedding day, and the time that took was probably a few weeks for the wedding preparations. 

With Marrina, Namor confessed his love and she ran away because she thought she wasn’t good enough for a prince. Namor tried to find her but didn’t and sank into a very deep depression and when they finally met again they got married right away and I think maybe a few months in universe time they spent together before Marrina turned into a sea monster then Namor had to kill her when she asked him to.

So Namor is bad at staying in love and actually putting in work into a relationship to make it last. He just doesn’t have the experience. So he bounces from a state of depression and loneliness until his eye catches another person to fall in love with and when that ends badly he goes back to being sad.

Namor loves to pull his loved one into his lap, or pick them up, just loves to touch them when he can because when he is in love he is really nauseating with the public displays of affection, like he just wants everyone to know he is with his love and doesn’t care what they think.

Also Namor is basically a giant man child, he will storm off and be angry alone and when Marrina comes to check on him, he can be talked into whatever he didn’t want to do or have some sense talked into him. He just likes to be dramatic first.

He is a terrible flirt, like he will flirt with you when there is an apocalypse going on. If Namor sees his shot for some flirting or getting into bed with someone he is gonna take it. Like a mutual of mine, @anais-ninja-bitch once said: “Namor would follow his dick into the Mariana’s Trench”.

He does get jealous, he wants all of a person’s affections to be for himself. Often because Namor likes to be at the center of attention for anything. 

Maybe also because he grew up being emotionally neglected as a child. His mother loved him but always kept him at an arms length, and his grandfather was emotionally abusive, he wasn’t really accepted by his own people, so the worst way to hurt him emotionally is to let him believe he is not worthy of your love or to ignore him/choose someone else. It’s honestly fascinating because Namor will try hard to get someone who is in a relationship to be with him, maybe he is trying to prove: if they can leave that other person and be with me then it means I am better. It never works out though.

Regardless of what SOME writers write about him, Namor does absolutely respect women. He trusts them more than he does men. It takes a long time for him to be friends with guys and he is more comfortable around women and he loves strong women, like they could punch him in the face and he would thank them for it. He also would break an deal if he saw someone disrespecting women.

Also if someone came on to him hard Namor does flounder when its something he doesn’t expect to happen.

He loves to give gifts, usually some pretty jewels, but more often its a statue/art of himself because he thinks he’s so great or its a really ugly fish. Once he scaled a cliff romeo style even though he could freaking fly, just to give a lady a fish as a gift.

Namor is pretty intense in his feelings and would let a person know right away if he likes them, in fact it would be harder to get him to shut up about his feelings. He is also willing to let the world burn if it means he can stay with the person he loved.

He also is actually pretty proper, as in he does not kiss and tell.

So Namor may be absolutely buck wild in the sheets, he is a proper prince in the streets. Also he is very cosmopolitanism in his tastes...

Namor just wants to be in love more than he knows how to be in love. If he was in a long term relationship I would expect him to struggle with the idea of compromising and it would have to be something that he would have to learn. Also he loves a challenge, he knows how to be patient and wait for what he wants and he is super arrogant and confident in himself.

Another thing is that Namor actually doesn’t like to be touched unless he wants to be, he actually hates it when people touch him. If someone came onto him and he was not on board he would make it very clear.

Namor doesn’t get over his love easily, he doesn’t move on for a really long time when is why he doesn’t really have a whole lot of relationships that are mid to long term. He has been married twice and widowed twice. He does continue to think about his past loves long after they left him.

So that’s what I have, I could go into more details depending on who is with but this is how Namor usually reacts to different situations when he is in love. Namor’s main loves in his life have been; Betty Dean, Lady Dorma, Marrina. All of whom have died.

[inawickedlittletown]

The Magicians - Season Five

Putting under a cut because spoilers and because while the whole season finished airing at the beginning of the month it is not yet on Netflix. 

Season Five - the last season. The end. 

This season’s most important theme is grief and it fits in with Eliot, with Alice, and with The Dark King and I think the fact that it carries through the entire season is really well done. This season isn’t perfect, but it isn’t that bad either. I still think that Quentin shouldn’t have been killed off, but ultimately his loss shapes this season and it isn’t quite forgotten even if not referred to often. 

The first few episodes we see Alice in mourning, we see Julia needing to find a reason to be alive, and we see a very distraught and heartbroken Eliot. But there are other things happening both in Fillory and Earth and it needs their attention. 

Eliot and Margo are actually stuck in Fillory 300 years in the future and there’s a new king and they can’t go back in time to save Fen and Josh which is a very real problem and something that seems to affect Margo way more than Eliot. Eliot is still post-monster and grieving Quentin and yet he’s the one that figures out that the only way to fix things is to bring Fen and Josh to the future instead of trying to change the past. And then we see that Eliot has written Quentin a letter and that he could send it to him in the past and yet he doesn’t.

I kinda hated how everyone decides to not try and figure out a way to bring Quentin back to life. Alice does that spell that brings a child version, Julia wants to do a seance that never ends up happening, and Eliot just gives up his one way of contacting Quentin and possibly saving him. I did love that Alice and Eliot took that trip and that they managed to talk things out and that they can grieve together. It was such a nice touch to have them come together like that and for Alice to tell Eliot that she knew and for Eliot to tell her about the other life he and Quentin had. It was nice to see their friendship grow as the season went on and to have them singing together. I loved it. 

During the trip Alice and Eliot go on we also meet The Dark King. And the connection that Eliot immediately has with him really resonated well with Eliot’s own grief over Quentin. The Dark King is also played by Sean Maguire whom I love so I couldn’t ever really hate him not to mention that he’s very likeable and that his motives just aren’t pure evil — he’s in pain and grieving and trying to go to the very extremes to get his love back. I can see why Eliot can’t hate him for it and want him to stay alive. It still makes me a bit bitter that Eliot gets to have that last moment with Rupert/The Dark King when he couldn’t have any kind of moment with Quentin at the end. But I also really appreciated that Rupert in the end ends up with his sister. 

Rupert is the extreme that Eliot would never go to even for someone he loved as deeply as Quentin and I think that was very important to show to explain why the characters wouldn’t try to find a way to bring Quentin back. Doesn’t mean that I’m not annoyed by it or by how well established time travel is by this point in the show and that it somehow doesn’t serve any purpose. I mean they base so many different things on time loops and time travel within this season alone but somehow manage to keep putting out the message that changing anything would be disastrous. Even Jane at the beginning of the season tells Eliot that Quentin died in all 39 other time loops and that in the first one it was Eliot’s death that made Quentin go to Fillory and it just hurts so much because they belonged together. 

Julia’s storyline this season was another one I enjoyed. Her need to do something and go on a quest and then the struggle with Penny not wanting to continue fighting and living that life and then to have her be pregnant all of that was great because it gave us this different view at change and growth in life and it wasn’t without its issues. Red Monkey Month still made me laugh every time anyone said it. Also that scene with Julia and Eliot trapped in the dungeons and the way that their friendship has come so far was amazing. I can’t get over how Eliot kneels on the floor and touches her belly and how that in some ways informs the way that he manages to make her get herself out using the baby’s traveller powers. 

The whole moon thing and the “lunatics” was a hilarious plot in this season with the whole breaking of the moon and then giving Eliot that episode in which he’s essentially figuring out how to fix the whole mess and dealing with himself as well. The talking whales — magic whales at that — were just perfect. I also really loved that them moving the moon has consequences that impact the rest of the season. The thing that wasn’t perfect, freaking Charlton. 

Charlton was fun back in S4 when he acted as someone that Eliot could talk to in his head and he should have stayed there. I didn’t mind that he helps Eliot or that he’s around to voice a different opinion but he should have stayed the imaginary friend and he definitely shouldn’t have freaked Eliot out when he was trying to get his attention. But I particularly did not enjoy that at the very end of the whole series he apparently has all these feelings about Eliot and that he knows Eliot better than most because he’s been in Eliot’s head. And the thing about that is that Eliot goes with it because that’s who Eliot it, but in the end Eliot is not happy. He’s become a professor at Breakbills and he has no idea if his friends are okay. The friends he does have left are Penny and Julia who are new parents and Kady who is busy with the hedges. He is alone. Eliot and Rupert made a lot more sense and I would have been more okay with that than Eliot and Charlton because at the end of the day Eliot and Rupert had both chemistry and a deeper connection whereas Charlton is just the guy that happened to be there and there was no real build up at least on Eliot’s side so I definitely see this as Eliot just taking up the offer because he might as well and because he has no one else whereas if they had managed to take Rupert out of Fillory, there could have been a more interesting and complex relationship there with two people that knew they weren’t each other’s first choice. 

Margo’s arc this season was more about how much she loves Fillory and how much she loves Josh and everyone else too. She’s badass as always and gets the best lines and I think by the end of the season seeing her in the new world she’s happy. 

Alice’s grief and her connection with Eliot were the highlights of her for me this season. I liked that I got to like Alice again this season and that she grows to care about other people enough to disable herself and her use of magic and yet she still by the end can manage to be the powerful magician that she is. 

As always the show manages to connect all storylines in the end even Julia and Penny’s baby gets in on the action by being the reason that Margo gets saved. Dean Fogg plays an interesting different parts all season and it was nice to see him come through in the end in combination with Plum. In the end, they do manage to create a new world for all the Fillorians. Despite this, this season doesn’t separate the characters as much as other seasons have and that makes the storylines not quite collide but just arrive at the end together. 

Lastly, I really loved the pig-person who was also played by Sean Maguire for the hilarity it brought. I also kinda hated that the whole season I was expecting something to come of the fact that Sean Maguire played both the pig and The Dark King, but they just double cast him because they loved him so much which I’m okay with. 

Lastly, I’m sad to see this show go. There was so much potential for more and the way that this last episode leaves off is an ending I can accept if I don’t think about how much I want so much more for Eliot. And now I’m going to dive back into reading The Magician King. 

-

Other Meta/Reviews

[lawrenceop]

HOMILY for 28th Sunday per annum (C)

2 Kings 5:14-17; Ps 97; 2 Tim 2:8-13; Luke 17:11-19

“Your faith has saved you”, this is to say that, it is through believing in Jesus Christ, believing in who he is – and he is truly God and truly Man – that we are healed, made whole, saved. All ten lepers believed that Jesus was a miracle worker and a healer – they’d obviously heard about him and had seen him from afar. So, as soon as he enters their village, they call out to him and ask him to have mercy and heal them. However, this is not faith. This is consumerism or just begging – asking for something from someone who can give us what we want. And this, unfortunately, is how many of us might pray. We ask for things, and if we don’t get what we asked for, we go away disappointed, our so-called faith shattered. So the ten lepers ask to be healed of their leprosy, and they’re willing to obey Jesus, just as I might obey my doctor when he tells me to take certain tablets, or do more exercise and so on. And if I do, then my health improves. In a sense this is all that the lepers do, notwithstanding the miraculous nature of their healing. 

But Jesus heals them miraculously because he wants to bring them to faith. What I mean by this is that the Lord wants them to recognise who he is, and thus enter into a relationship founded on trust, love, and gratitude. God always wants this of us because God is love. Hence, St Paul says to Timothy: “We may be unfaithful, but he is always faithful, for he cannot disown his own self. “ God can never disown us, because he has bound us to his own self through the Incarnation of Jesus Christ. Hence, God wants us to know him as intimately as a shepherd knows his sheep; to trust in him as a child trusts a mother or father; and to rejoice in him, as the leper does when he praises God “at the top of his voice.” This relationship that God desires with you and me, therefore, is intimate, friendly, warm and loving. Few of us have that kind of relationship with our doctor, or the pharmacist, or the delivery man. Those relationships are transactional – they’re based on commerce, on buying and selling, and getting what we want. Sadly, most people seem to view God, and indeed, view the Church, and their own parishes, and priests in this way. But this is not how it should be, it is not what God desires. The prophet Elisha makes it clear that God doesn't want a present or any favours from Naaman in return, because he is not buying a service from God. Rather, God wants an exclusive relationship with Naaman: "your servant will no longer offer holocaust or sacrifice to any god except the Lord." Because it is this kind of intimate marital-like relationship that God desires, and not the kind of attitude that sees God as a service provider. This would be an obstacle to having a faith that saves. 

Consider, on the other hand, the Samaritan who is cured. He jumps with joy, praising God, as soon as the miracle is worked and he runs back to Jesus. For he realises at once who Jesus is. This is not just a Master, as in a wise teacher. This is not just a miracle healer who he calls upon to have pity on him. No, this is God for only God can heal like this. And he believes this through a gift of the Holy Spirit, for this kind of living faith is a divine gift from God. But he is able to believe, able to receive the gift of faith because he has a good disposition, he is open to believing, he is humbly in search of Truth in all its fullness. He is, as St John Henry Newman (whose canonisation we celebrate today) says, “on the look -out”. So, Newman explains: “As the Jewish believers were on the look-out for a Messiah who they knew was to come, so at all times, and under all dispensations, and in all sects, there are those who know there is a truth, who know they do not possess it except in a very low measure, who desire to know more, who know that He alone who has taught them what they know, can teach them more, who hope that He will teach them more, and so are on the look-out for His teaching.” Such people, therefore, are humble, open to grace, and looking for God. 

These qualities are evident in the Samaritan.  We see his humility as he comes and prostrates himself before Jesus. In doing so, he acknowledges the divinity of Christ. And then he gives thanks to Jesus, or literally (in Greek), gives him glory – again, he does something that is normally reserved for God, so he believes in who we know Jesus to be. Because the Samaritan, in humility and faith has acknowledged who Jesus is, the Lord tells him: “your faith has saved you.” In Greek, the sentence has two meanings: your faith has healed you, which refers to the physical cure from leprosy, and then the deeper meaning, your faith has saved you, had led to your eternal salvation. 

So too for us in our time. God can only heal and save us, he can only draw us to himself in love if we go to him in humility, if we’re open to being loved by him, and if we’re willing to trust him and let him be our loving and merciful God. So many resist and refuse to turn back to him, like the nine other lepers. Many, indeed, do not want to have a genuine personal relationship with God, preferring to have a consumerist approach to the Faith. Many prefer their own ways, their own ideas, their own habits of mind and action, and a relationship with God is just too demanding, because he might expect too much of us. As St John Henry Newman comments, “their own passion or pride, self-love or self-will” makes it difficult to hear the voice of God, to acknowledge him, to believe and trust in him. 

Newman knew the demands of faith. His humble search for the fullness of the Truth, his search for deep friendship with Jesus Christ led him to the Catholic Church. He left behind a successful career as an Anglican vicar, Oxford professor, and respected man in Victorian society; he left behind old friends, and a secure livelihood, and the familiar in order to follow his conscience. And his conscience led him to become a Catholic. As Pope Benedict XVI said when he came to London in 2010: “Newman’s life… teaches us that passion for the truth, intellectual honesty and genuine conversion are costly. In our own time, the price to be paid for fidelity to the Gospel… often involves being dismissed out of hand, ridiculed or parodied. [However, like Newman] if we have accepted the truth of Christ and committed our lives to him, there can be no separation between what we believe and the way we live our lives. Our every thought, word and action must be directed to the glory of God and the spread of his Kingdom.”

And what about us today? God wills to give us the faith of the Samaritan, the faith of Newman, if we only approach him with humble trust and gratitude. We’re invited each day to trust in God’s love and providence. This trust comes from real relationship with God, it is the fruit of prayer. And there is, I think, no better prayer today, no more beautiful an expression of trust in divine providence than this poem by heaven’s newest Saint, John Henry Newman: 

“Lead, kindly Light, amid the encircling gloom 

Lead thou me on; 

The night is dark, and I am far from home, 

Lead thou me on. 

Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see 

The distant scene; one step enough for me.

I was not for ever thus, nor prayed that thou 

Shouldst lead me on; 

I loved to choose and see my path; but now 

Lead thou me on, 

I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears, 

Pride ruled my will: remember not past years.

So long thy power hath blessed me, sure it still 

Will lead me on, 

O'er moor and fen, o'er crag and torrent, till 

The night is gone; 

And with the morn those angel faces smile, 

Which I have loved long since, and lost awhile.”

[a-yarn-of-purple-prose]

Ashes of Love is on Netflix now (at least around here), so I watched the hell out of it*. People will recommend this series for the love story, but I’m here to tell you this is actually more about the consequences of love when you’re a straight woman than Actual Romance.

Zi Fen, Tu Yao and Su Li were seduced and abused by the same man, each one of them representing one extreme reaction to abuse. Zi Fen chooses to die and abandon her child, leaving a legacy of secrets and burdens. Tu Yao sells her heart for power, but the man she chooses is so unreliable she ends up losing her ability to trust and becoming cruel and abusive herself. Su Li was used for leverage, realization of which makes her spiral into despair and seek revenge at the ultimate cost. All of them loved and lost, all of them were unhappy in life and died terribly.

Jin Mi, Sui He and Kuang Lu are a second generation locked into a similar fate, though their choices are dramatically different. Beautiful as Xu Feng’s love for Jin Mi is, she has little choice other than giving in to his persistent courting, which is very similar to what happened to her mother, with similar results**. The rivalry between Run Yu and Xu Feng also mirrors that of the Heavenly Emperor and the Water Immortal, even if Xu Feng is not as invested in competition as his brother and father were. Jin Mi’s love brings about war, Sui He’s love turns her into An Actual Demoness, Kuang Lu’s love and loyalty makes her a passive accomplice to atrocity. They all suffer from too much love, that which they feel and that which the men in their lives feel for them (poor Kuang Lu, though).

The men, though? They don’t suffer enough. Their love, however forceful, is rewarded with real affection, loyalty and devotion. If they experience any setback it is from their own scheming and lies. 

If there is a single decent romance in this story, it’s Liu Ying and Mu Ci. They’re adorable, though I wasn’t really invested into their story (the drama in the love polygon is much better than their sweet committed relationship).

...

And that, my friends, is what goes on in my mind while I’m watching a crazy-good xianxia drama. I call it having fun.

Also, did I mention Jin Mi literally destroys part of herself while trying to get over Xu Feng? This series is gothic as hell.

* and by that I mean I watched all 63 episodes in a week. I guess it was the only thing I did in my free time. Nevertheless, it took me about 20 episodes (until the mortal world storyline, if you’re wondering) to get really invested, but it was a bit more than that before I understood the sheer scope of the story and decided to buckle up for the wiiiiild ride it is.

** play with fire and you get burnt, girl.

[childoftimeandmagic]

I know nothing about this but would something like, "you're the only one I wanted to be with tonight" work?

@sailormoonylupin Thank you so so much for this prompt it means the world that you sent it. 

Nowhere Else 

You can also read it on my AO3 or below. 

Quentin was stressed he had five projects to get done for clients and honestly having everyone buzzing around the apartment getting ready for their housewarming party hadn’t been super conducive to that need. When Fen and Tomas’ son had broken a plate for the third time just to see Uncle Q fix it, he’d lost it a little. Grabbing his stuff he’d apologized, kissed El’s forehead and left the apartment.

“Hey Q, you in here?” El’s voice broke through his concentration just as the old book finally finished mending itself. Quentin leaned back so he could see the front entrance of his shop.

“Why aren’t you playing the gracious host?” Q asked, checking his watch and cursing. He’d been working with this single book binding for almost eight hours. “Shit I’m late aren’t I?”

“I sent everyone home after an hour and you weren’t home or answering your cell,” Eliot admitted, walking over to his flustered boyfriend.

“I thought if I got the easy projects done first, I could handle the party at least not cause you to cancel,” Quentin groaned, covering his face with his elbow and leaning further back in his chair.

“Did the easy project work out?” Eliot asked, looking at the four other project boxes looking unopened nor touched.

“I just finished it. If you’d ruined the work I’ve apparently spent the day doing by interrupting me I might have thrown it at you..” Quentin trailed off feeling horrible. Eliot had put so much time into this party and all he’d asked of his people shy partner is that he attend.

“Wow, so the book really is that stubborn,” Eliot laughed, rubbing Q’s shoulders and leaning down to place a kiss to his stressed boyfriends forehead. “That being said, you’ve been on edge since I mentioned Fen and Tomas were bring Caleb.”

“Yea cause it’s a housewarming party and no one else has children. I just don’t understand bringing your toddler to a party with only adults,” Quentin shrugged, avoiding Eliot’s eyes as he placed the finished book in it’s protective box.

Standing he walked over to the bar cart that Margo had gifted him with when he opened his shop on 79th and Park Ave: Coldwater Mendings and Rare Books. Pouring a glass of wine for Eliot and himself, he handed out the glasses.

“Are you sure that’s the reason?” Eliot asked, taking the offered glass and sitting on Quentin’s workshop table.

“What else could be the reason El?” Quentin shot back feeling defensive.

“Teddy.”

“We promised that we wouldn’t let that time line guide us, why would you bring him up Eliot?” “Because my darling Q, he was your-our son. You loved him. Now we’re faced with someone’s little boy who’s just as excitable and energetic as Teddy was at that time, and we have nothing to show of our own little one.”

“Wow. You’ve actually given this some thought haven’t you El,” Quentin said, after a beat walking into his boyfriend’s arms. His wine glass forgotten on the cart.

“Well yea, we’ve been together almost a year and we live together, and the moment that Fen sent a bunny saying Tomas and Caleb were coming, you started acting all tense and snippy,” Eliot admitted, wrapping his arms around Quentins body. Tucking Q’s head under his chin.

“Would it be awful if you were right?”

“That seeing a child not your own made it hard to be in our apartment? Absolutely. What kind of monster am I dating. Q have you told your therapist about these feelings?”

“What no!” He pulled back looking at Eliot worry in his eyes. When he was met with sparkling humor filled brown eyes.

“Hmmm why not?”

“Because they’re stupid, and Caleb is lovely. I just-” he shook his head hiding his face against Eliot’s neck.

“You miss him. You want to hold our son and proudly show him to Margo and Julia. To see if his discipline is a combination of Arielle’s and yours or something completely different…” Eliot said softly holding his boyfriend tight in his arms. As he spoke he felt and heard the quiet noises of Quentin starting to cry.

Quentin was honest, and he’d meant it when he said that he wanted this relationship to progress naturally out of the shadow of their other life. Yet, Caleb had ignited an old hole in his heart. One that he’d thought he had moved on from…healed from. Surrendering himself to Eliot’s hug he let himself break down.

Eliot was crying himself. For all his bluster and imagined lack of fatherhood, Theodore Coldwater-Waugh had been every bit his son. As the tears tracked down his cheeks dripping into Quintin’s hair he just kept rubbing Quentin’s back and whispering how proud both Quentin’s dad and their son would be of them.

“You shouldn’t have to hold his candle all alone,” Eliot murmured, pulling way to cup Quentin’s face in his hands. “He was our son. Let’s hold his candle together.”

“Oh gods, I’m such a dick. You’re right, I should have talked about it with you. Let you know how I felt. I’m sorry I missed our party.”

“Honestly I wasn’t feeling like a host so I had Margo lead them all to Elysium and just came to find you,” Eliot admitted. Kissing Quentin slowly after wiping the tears from his cheeks. Q’s lips were damp from his sobs.

“Can we go up to the roof and just watch the city?” Quentin asked, after he pulled himself from the bliss that was kissing Eliot.

“Here or at the apartment?”

“Well the apartment has all the food.”

“Good point. Let’s go.”

Eliot grabbed Q’s coat and hat as they walked towards the door of the shop. Stepping out first so Q could set the alarm system and the wards behind them. Hand in hand they walked up Park Avenue towards their apartment on . Quentin leaning into Eliot as they bobbed and weaved through the crowds on the chilly April night in NYC toward 82nd street.

As they grabbed platters and then took the secret elevator up to the rooftop terrace they had conned their magician super into giving them access to. Also having Julia flex her godhood for the good of their relationship and her friendship with Q. Leaning back on a bench looking out at the bustling city around them Eliot turned to Quentin and smiled.

“If I’m entirely honest this was so much better than any party.”

“Oh really?”

“Yea, you’re the only one I wanted to be with tonight.”

“Have I told you that you’re so flamboyantly flowery?”

“Yes you’ve mentioned it.”

“I love you Eliot.”

“I love you too Q.”

[fvckingmagic]

okaaayyy. thoughts on the episode. short version? hated it. like wow. so much of that episode was... so bad. like. really bad y’all. i mean qualice is the obvious thing, but i can kinda get that for their characters. alice hasn’t been given a real chance to get over quentin in a healthy way and q has a really bad habit of falling back on sex and relationships instead of dealing with trauma ( and his life has been literally nothing BUT drama this whole season ). i mean like. i still didn’t like it, but i didn’t think it was entirely out of character for them. hate what the writers are doing with it, but that’s not the point right now. that’s a whole ‘nother rant

SECOND ISSUE. mother. fucking. margo. hanson. i’m so--- are you kidding me? i really legitimately think i might be more mad about this than literally anything. first of all, they sidelined her the whole episode because she has a bond so SHE has to be the one to watch the fish. instead of fen because fen has very important things to do as high king like..... go to benihana....? but then they introduced that she could pop out her eye so great!! this means she can leave her eye with the fish and go save eliot! .... oh.... no. nope. she’s gonna... stay... and bake for fish-josh and send penny to... save... eliot....? are you fucking kidding me??? in what universe would margo EVER choose anyone over eliot?? not just over him, but over SAVING HIS LIFE. remember how she like gave up her crown, had a horrible breakdown in the desert, got exiled from the one place she considers home, all to save the man she loves so much she’d die for him? and then---- gets sidelined to babysit a fish? i’m so angry y’all you don’t even understand. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THE POINT OF THE UNATTACHED FAIRY EYE THEN!!

okay last thing is plover. i don’t--- hate the inclusion of his character out of hand. his dynamic is.... interesting. but i fucking hate HATE how hard they’re trying to push a redemption on him. “even when you change, people will only ever see you as what you’ve done v.v” NOT WHEN YOU RAPE A CHILD REPEATEDLY FOR YEARS YOU SICK MOTHERFUCKER!!! you know who that line applies to? ALICE QUINN. she gets her redemption because she made a bad decision once and it fucked over all the people she cares about and she changed right away. or you know what? you know who else that fucking applies to? the fairy queen! YOU KNOW WHO IT DOESN’T APPLY TO??? the fucking serial child rapist!!! what the actual fuck writers????

ugh... all of that said. i still love the show, obviously. one terrible episode isn’t going to change that. am i, as a gay person, really hurt by how they treated everything regarding queliot? yes. is that gonna make me boycot the show? no, cause i’m not a baby. i just hope they learn from this episode. i also hope that they didn’t fuck it up so badly that EVERYONE ELSE stops watching and gets the show canceled after next season. they better fix this man :/