#then I'd be accepted and could feel good seeing myself in the art that I love

[grendel-menz]

yo im not sure if this is a weird ask so feel free to ignore but like !! sorry i just had a moment bc ive been struggling w being half white for a long time now, like something was off my entire life with how other white people would treat me as an Other, the way they would like reduce me to an animal/the wild friend/make some weird dehumanizing comments, and despite all this not even knowing the truth of my ancestry til i was out of high school. but at the same time i felt like i could never really claim it? like i had no connection to my native side since my father wasn't allowed that so i was basically raised White and every time i looked in the mirror something told me it was wrong for me to even seek that connection. it did not help that i'd meet other half natives here who would tell me that (there is a weird culture here about rooting out "fakers" and accusing people you dont like of faking their history to get yourself more legitimacy). sorry this is all a rambly preface to say id always related to your art about ancestry and culture and finding yourself and how people treat you but felt wrong for it but then you post a picture and you're a stones throw away from me. like, we look like we could be cousins. idk i just went wow, i look like that too, its okay, i shouldnt have gatekept my connecting behind fear of... i dont even know what anymore. idk this ask has no point so from another genderweird half who hallucinates i hope u have a great week month year and i hope good things happen to you. you bring a lot of joy to people

I'm sorry you've struggled with all this, it can be really tough. My situation is a bit different since my mom never let me forget I'm Filipino. I never felt distant from being mixed, just the culture we lost due to some extraordinarily difficult circumstances in the past few generations of my moms side. I'm also lucky in that Filipinos and SEAsians as a whole tend to be very avid about welcoming mixed kids into the community (though there's a lot of racism and colorism involved in the level of acceptance someone gets, unfortunately. I'm pale and treated well, and I doubt someone darker skinned would be treated as well in certain circles.).

I can't speak for Native American communities, but I will solidly say in general that blood quantum and its enforcement is colonial. Your ancestors do not love you in halves or quarters, that would be very strange. When I have a baby I plan to love the whole thing and not just whatever dna percentage is mine. It's just important to research, support, reach out to, and represent your community to the best of your ability. (If I've misspoken here lmk.)

I have Indigenous family members, ancestry, and community, but I don't personally call myself Indigenous because I am still researching and reconnecting, and it's such a big word. There's no rush to things, go at the pace you're comfortable with when it comes to seeing yourself.

Sorry for being long winded! Hopefully that helps or yeah! :D

[nick-nocturne]

Hello! I recently got into your content with Welcome home, and I scrolled on your blog for a bit. I saw that you have... some sort of rivalry/beef with matpat of the theorist channels, and I wanted to know your thoughts on his retirement. As someone who grew up watching his game theory videos, and having those game theory videos, particularly the fnaf theory videos, be the reason I was able to fit in and share common interests with my peers in middle and high school when the fnaf craze was still going strong? It was hard to hear your criticism of one of my beloved childhood figures. But you helped me realize that I had put matpat up on a pedestal because of his videos and because of my childhood nostalgia, and that I didn't need to do that. I do wonder if you think that matpat has gotten better, that he's not as bad or egotistical as he was before. There are many questions I would like to ask. But I'll stick with only one.

So, rivalry/beef/hatred or whatever feelings you hold towards matpat aside, how do you feel about matpat retiring from YouTube? Are you happy? Elated to see a rival or opponent gone? Or do you feel something else about seeing him leave the public sphere. I'd just like to know your opinion, considering your strong feelings on him before.

Thank you for your time, Mr. Nocturne.

An angel must've tapped you to ask this, considering how much I've been thinking about this lately. ::3 The majority of heat I've ever lobbed against MatPat in prior years can best be described as angst, a lot of it unwarranted. I've had issues with his business practices, his content practices, and a lot of his content approaches--but that never called for the kind of flippant sneering I used to exhibit towards him. I've had criticism of MatPat and can't say I saw Game Theory as favorably as I felt it could have been--and I wish I could tell myself from a few years ago to accept that feeling and chill, especially when I knew I still respected his passion, his dedication, and his impact. I feel really good about MatPat retiring and it's for exactly two reasons: he gets to leave on happy terms, on his own terms, after fulfilling a career of over a decade being a trailblazer on YouTube who legitimately has inspired hundreds, if not thousands, of people in a truly positive way; and he gets to pass his position to someone else and give them a chance at what is, for coverage in certain areas of art creation, the top of the mountain. I also thought while watching his goodbye video that he's clearly been thinking a ton about how he's done his work on YouTube, and the impact he's had through his methods, good and bad--I could hear it in his words and the nuances. He's been reflecting, that's for sure, and it informed the way he sat down to talk about the journey. I also felt a lot of resonating with things he said, and there were moments in that goodbye video that I truly understood him and know exactly how he feels. I felt I could have sat on that couch with him and had a conversation as a guy who gets it, because this many years on, I do get it. And while I don't have as much in common with MatPat as I do Jamie of Inside A Mind, or Jeff of Jeffiot, or Goose Boose, there's common ground he and I could talk very warmly over. Ultimately, I am happy he gets to leave in happiness, with what he's built in hands he trusts, and that he knows his first baby--Game Theory--is going to be safe. I wish him, very sincerely, so much happiness and all the fulfillment that opening his life and getting more time as a father, husband, and man will bring him.

[artofchira]

As someone else who's in the process of burning out just surviving, and has lost sight of why I enjoyed art in the first place, would you be willing to share some of the things you've tried to get back on your feet? Super glad that you're doing so much better, btw.

First: It's actually become a job for me to help artists reconnect to their art through my mentorship workshop with everything I have learned, and I consider myself very good at it. I've been doing it for about 4 years now. If you or any other artist would like direct help with recovering from burn out please check out the service page of my website and testimonials from previous clients.

To answer your question:

A lot of my own personal stabilization just came as a result of wanting the experience of making art to be comfortable. It wasn't a choice anymore. After my father passed I relaxed for about 3 months -- longest I went without drawing in my life since I started freelancing -- and when I sat back at my desk I just couldn't make myself work under the same pressure. I'd try to force myself to draw and it made me want to cry instead. I quickly learned I could only create if I felt comfortable and drawing felt gentle, so I had to accept moving forward if I wanted to continue being as productive as before I needed to find a way of working that eliminated stress or using will power, which means working in a way that was renovated from the ground up. I couldn't go back. How I was making art was over. I needed it to be repaired. I had no idea what that looked like, so it was truly trial and error.

A fact about me is I have a very high sensory/pain threshold naturally (I also recently learned I was autistic over the pandemic, imagine that has something to do with it) so I've always been historically bad at ignoring my physical limitations because I rarely felt them unless my body broke down on me, and when it did I treated myself with annoyance and forced myself to work through it. I'm talking like no sleeping for 3-4 days straight, or coming home after a kidney stone to finish a comic page still shaky on pain and morphine and then feeling bad at myself for being lazy. To say my old work habits were highly self abusive is an understatement. So when I started addressing everything that was an inconvenience and uncomfortable, it ended up correcting everything I was ignoring or failed to consider a problem until it was past due.

To cut a long story short, a list of material changes to my life that improved my health:

I got medicated, finally. I'm extremely bipolar. Always have been. Drawing between periods of oscillating between feeling divinely invincible vs ideating suicide every waking moment vastly became easier to manage.

I got glasses. I'm farsighted, but it was never a problem for me since I could see fine -- ooor so I thought. Turns out when you're farsighted you're focusing constantly without even realizing it. Turns out getting glasses gave me 80% of my mental space back so I suddenly had more energy, generally more awake, and more focused. No one talks about farsightedness so I had absolutely no idea I was burning myself out physically just being able to see. Worth mentioning!

Started seeing a massage therapist and a chiropractor regularly. I always thought of those things as luxuries, not necessities. Which was extremely stupid. Maintaining my physical body through directly working out kinks in it became something like brushing my teeth or showering -- it's just something you do to make sure health and hygiene isn't making you dysfunctional and rotting you. My body no longer breaks down.

For the same reasons as above, maintained seeing my therapist regularly even if I felt fine or had no issues to work out. I realized I was always quick to end support as soon as I felt I didn't need it anymore (again treating it as a luxury) so making the space in my life for mental/emotional check ins kept my head organized. My therapist is bewildered by me and has no idea what to do with me because she feels she's not doing anything. I just tell her by me making the space for me to explain myself at all, even if all I was doing was describing how I was fine, was the help. She's great.

Got a cappuccino machine. May seem stupid but being able to make gourmet coffees from my kitchen every morning really genuinely improved my life and mind more than getting medicated.

Got a dog. He's amazing. I love him. Very warm and loving companion, and such a gentle soul. He keeps me out of my head and gets me prioritizing walks every day, so my vitamin D intake increased massively. I don't have the luxury of staying in bed for 3 days straight in my depressive episodes anymore. I have to make the effort to leave it at least twice a day to walk and feed him and play with him. Like most people, I'm terrible at prioritizing for myself but will move worlds for those I love no matter where I'm at.

For personal habits I just reflected a lot on why I felt I had to will myself to draw when drawing is something I love doing most. It made no sense to resent doing what you devote yourself to doing. I changed -- and still changing -- my mental framing in how I think of working on art for it to be something I'm eager to do, not obligated to.

Hope this was educational.

[nekropsii]

I know the kids in general aren't your thing but what are your thoughts on june egbert as a whole?

I've seen opinions on her existence be pretty varied (tho I guess more recent years its a widely accepted fanon and uh some ppl treat her as canon when.. she's... not lmao..) so I'm curious on your opinion if you have one!

(I personally don't subscribe to the headcanon but otherwise I don't have any strong feelings about it ppl can do whatever they want forever lmao)

I've been vocal about this previously, but in my opinion, all J. Egbert is good J. Egbert. June, John, Transfem, Transmasc, Transneu, Nonbinary, Genderfluid, Multigender, whatever the fuck, I don't care, have fun. Whatever gender people subscribe to the character isn't my business, and I have zero way of telling what it means to people unless they're being super blatant about it, which... Doesn't actually happen often?

I have no way of telling if people subscribe to transfem!June wholesale because that gives them comfort, or transmasc!John because that gives them comfort, or genderfluid!Egbert because that gives them comfort, or even just... Cis Trans Ally John, because that gives them comfort. These are all things I've seen before. I just choose to assume good faith, as is healthier, and respect whatever OP is tagging. If they're tagging art as June, it doesn't matter if she looks the same as she does in canon, or if she's pre-transition, that's June to them, so I'll tag it as June myself. If they're tagging art as John, I tag it as John. I have no way of knowing what their idea of the sex of this character is, and I'd find it weird to "correct" them, when they could very easily just be drawing a headcanon they've had for years and found major comfort and gender euphoria in. I don't know their life.

I think the way people have been using June's confirmation- not canonization to HS^2/HS:BC, she hasn't appeared yet- as a way to be transphobic in any direction is vile. I think if you use June as a way to be transmisogynistic, you're an asshole and a transphobe. If you use June as a way to be bigoted against trans men, you're an asshole and a transphobe. If you're finding a way to use it to be bigoted against nonbinary or multigender people, you're an asshole and a transphobe. I would sure fucking hope this isn't a controversial statement. There's no good reason to be a bigot. A disagreement over gender headcanons is an especially pathetic reason to reduce yourself to transphobia. Come the fuck on now.

More Discussion Under the Cut:

Miscellaneous thoughts include... 1.) She is not canon to Homestuck proper. This is because every piece of Homestuck media outside of literal Homestuck (2009) itself has been very open about the fact that they are not canon to Homestuck (2009). Homestuck (2009) is canon to Homestuck (2009), and nothing else is. HS:BC is canon to itself. HS^2 is canon to itself. The Homestuck Epilogues is canon to itself. Pesterquest is canon to itself. Hiveswap is canon to itself. They are not canon to Homestuck, though. These aren't condemnations of these pieces of media, nor is it a reduction of the meaning of this form of the character to people, it just needs to be stated that they're not canon to Homestuck. This is by design, and is also a well advertised fact about them. 2.) She was not "always intended", or "always canon". I see a lot of people say that June was being intentionally alluded to since 2009, and... That's just... Really blatantly not the case? Extremely magical thinking happening there. I think if June was supposed to happen in Homestuck, and was allegedly intentionally alluded to in Homestuck constantly... She would have happened in Homestuck? There's nothing wrong with an author getting asked to make a certain gender headcanon canon and then, you know, canonizing it because they think it's cool, nor is there anything wrong with an author realizing that an interesting arc for a specific character would be a gender transition in sequel material. It doesn't have to always be a "This was all planned from the start" situation. As someone who is a writer... That's genuinely just not really how writing works, and it really isn't where Hussie's politics were at during the time. Hell, I know a lot of genders, pronouns, sexualities, races, ethnicities, religions, and disability statuses were changed throughout me working on my own writing projects. They weren't all "Planned from the Start", and there's nothing wrong with that. 3.) June fans, I am so sorry. You all deserve so much more than these years of J.K. Rowling-tier """canonization""". This was said to be something that was totally going to happen... On Twitter... Through a magical Toblerone wish... Several years ago. And nothing has really come of it since. Not even a hint!! That sucks so much. 4.) Not to be blunt, but some people are really misogynistic about her. Transitioning doesn't completely change your personality. It doesn't fix all of your problems and flaws. Growing into femininity doesn't magically make you a ditzy bimbo girly girl whose only personality traits are Cute, Stupid, and Female. That's just fucking weird, dog. The way some people treat her status as a woman reads very... Caliborn-esque...

[semper-draca]

There's something so depressing about being an artist on tumblr these days that I'm finding hard to articulate. Years ago, shitty one-hour sketches I posted would at least get double digits in the notes. These days, I can post commissions that took over fifty hours and get 5 notes at most. Blah blah do art for yourself, sure, but the important part is -

I Rarely Get Commissions Anymore.

Where I used to have to limit how many comms I could accept at once because I'd get that many requests, now I'm lucky to get two when I open up coms again. People don't reblog the art I do for myself, so no one finds my commission info that way. People don't reblog the art I do for commissions, so no one finds my commission info that way. People don't reblog commissions posts. A couple likes will get tossed at it from people who don't actually reach out in interest, so it doesn't circulate and it's just me reblogging it into the void, desperately hoping for some modicum of cash. I feel like people don't understand these days how little money most artists are bringing in, and the anxiety that comes with drastically declining circulation of art on websites like tumblr. Right now, for example, I'm desperate to earn as much money as I can during the summer because what I earn this summer? Has to last me rent for seven months straight to help offset the inevitable drain of all the savings I have. Normally some of that would come from art - nowadays, I can't rely on getting even a single commission.

I think this anxiety and this real material concern is what is behind all those "please for the love of god reblog art/posts you like" posts that people love to get angry about. If you haven't been here for years, it can be hard to see the ways in which this vanishing reblog culture has severely hit artists and forced many away from this platform. I don't want to leave tumblr or stop posting my art here, but good god is it depressing to see this site, and I cannot stress this enough, almost COMPLETELY VANISH as a revenue stream. I don't know what the solution to this culture shift is, but I do know that it's causing this site to deteriorate and forcing artists to move elsewhere and invest less effort on tumblr because it no longer makes any financial sense. I know that everyone is tired of hearing this, and fair enough, because there are plenty of other artists with louder voices than mine saying similar things, but please, if you like some art, consider reblogging it. Even if you have no interest in ever commissioning that artist. Others might see it and be interested, and that's how most new clients are made. Artists have rent on the line.

anyway, if you've made it to the end of this rant and haven't blocked me for it lmao, I still have commissions open

[kryptonbabe]

Superman: Earth One (2010) by J. Michael Straczynski & Shane Davis: A Review

Clark Kent is a reserved young adult, he's leaving his familiar Smallville for Metropolis, looking to find himself, build a life. With an anguished demeanor and sad eyes he navigates the big city unscathed, but never satisfied. There's a veneer of trauma to the story, Clark talks more with his dead father, Jonathan, than to anyone alive in the book. While his parents are pumped to have a superhero son, Clark just wants to give his mother a good life, after his father's passing, and to belong somewhere, anywhere.

This had so much potential bringing this different perspective to the Superman mythos, exploring all these heavier feelings we are more used to seeing in the origins of characters like Batman or Hulk. The thing is that while Batman and Hulk earn their angst, Clark's behavior feels unjustified. It's never clear how his otherness can be an obstacle, his abilities are always described as achievements, he's easily accepted everywhere he goes. He could be depressed and that would be interesting (what to expect when the most powerful being on the planet is not evil, but isn't hopeful at all?), but that is never really mentioned.

Clark's feelings are exposed in dialogues and monologues, but his wallowing seems out of place, his father's death is not traumatic, he had a healthy relationship with his parents, he's a genius, he's super strong, he can make a lot of money really fast, but hmm, I guess everybody always asks where is Superman, but no one ever asks HOW is Superman. He's just sad, and we must embrace this.

There's also a kind of mall goth / 2010s emo to this art style and dialogue, the moodiness, the angst, the aversion to primary colors, the Welcome to the Black Parade palette of the underdeveloped villain. As an emo kid myself, I'd probably have a much better time reading this in 2012, when all was new and darkness was inherently exciting. But now, as an elderly decaying millennial emo, I just feel like I need more than aesthetics to make me interested in a story, invested in a character.

The freezing cold take of "Clark Kent is the costume of Superman" was already old in 2010, this view was popularized by the Kill Bill vol. 2 movie, released in 2004, and it's an oversimplified perception of the character, one that considers certain aspects of his history while ignoring several others, lacking the nuance a character as old as Superman deserves. It's jarring to hear this coming from Clark's mother, at this point in the story he is not Superman yet, he doesn't even know if he will someday choose to wear the cape. When Martha says "the mask is what you'll have to wear the rest of the time" she's disregarding Clark's humanity, the life he lived so far, the bonds he might develop when he's not in Smallville anymore. All of this belittled in front of the bigger goal: to turn Clark into a Superman.

In the flashbacks the couple seem slightly manipulative, Jonathan and Martha's only subject with Clark is about him becoming Superman, which might explain why the boy feels so on edge, as if deep down he's trying to run away from this fate of becoming an all achieving force of nature their parents want him to become. It's his parents who give him the Superman name, the costume and the idea to become a superhero. Clark has so little agency in this story, acting resigned, his intentions vague, it's frustrating.

On a positive note, I really liked the fact that Superman destroys a giant spaceship on board his baby ship, (even though, how exactly he stops a world invasion happening in multiple locations with multiple vessels by destroying only one single ship is never explained), overall the baby ship was a nice touch, the science fiction logic of it was very interesting too.

Superman Earth One felt like a very hopeless post-9/11 Superman story, surface level deep, moody and often bleak, without any of the positive emotional impact of the character. The art is nice though and emo Clark is cute. But I need to cheer up now. Thanks for reading this!

[alma-amentet]

Art is the only thing that can keep me going, that childhood dream of learning to draw well now is the only that can make me get out of bed... Though I feel it might be not enough.

They speak abt people, relationships, 'loved ones'... Welll not for this one. I used to believe there were 'friends I haven't met', now I don't know. Just don't want to hurt anyone anymore. Realizing how bad I am is actually painful bc maybe I'd like to be good, just don't know how. How to be enough for myself & someone else at the same time. I tried I failed.

My only close friend from another city is not available bc of her own mental struggles and work problems. I often envy people whose reaction to stress and anxiety is avoidance & getting numb. Mine is different. I'd need to be with someone, talk to someone, yet there's no one. And I don't deserve it anyway bc all must be paid back, yet I've no money for therapy, nothing to give to people, don't know how it's done anymore. Not enough even for myself.

Then there's the DLC. Just why? It was my last refuge, spource of inspiration. I see other people accepting and enjoying it, but can't. Reading some good fanfiction (written before the DLC or fixes) before bed helps, but being in fandom gets difficult at timed even with many things filtered.

I'm a failure of a woman, sometimes thinking it won't get better, it's over for me.

Just now mom interrupted me 2 times in a row and I broke down heavily. Then she came in asking abt some stuff casually (like, could I buy her some wet toilet paper), no excuses, not the slightest compassion... I told her honestly that I felt really hurt by those interruptions totally not in a mood for talks abt toilet paper.

Crying at the void wishing secretly for someone to hold me, comfort me and tell it's OK. Yet no one will come, and I feel like don't deserve it - not good enough, wasted all the opportunities.

[dipolardruid]

For Agonia.

What if instead of the elderly couple, reader was instead found by ANOTHER dangerous mad scientist except this scientist treats reader way better

TW: Reader is seen as property

"You're awake...FINALLY! You're awake, ooohhh this is exciting!" You squint in an attempt to have your eyes adjust to the lighting.

"Take your time don't push yourself!" With a blink you finally are able to see again meeting face to face with a man with a wide smile "Incredible..." you flinch back as he goes to grab your head causing him to retract his arms "Perhaps I got too excited, I just couldn't help myself! How did they create you? I tried using DNA from those bullet wounds, skin cells and so on yet they all remain unidentified...even going as far as to disintegrate after not being attached to you for a extended amount of time..." He begins to mumble to himself.

As you try to sit up you grab his attention again "oh how rude of me my apologies, I got a little side tracked!" He quickly grabs something from the counter "Here drink this you'll feel as good as new!" Noticing your hesitance he takes a drink himself "Completely safe!" He says putting the cup infront of you.

"I must know who created you? Do you know how it was done? How long it took!? I just can't help myself you are an absolute masterpiece!" He laughs "I would've thought you were just a regular huamn being had I not noticed how your body was attempting to repair itself right infront of my very eyes, the bullets seem to have prevented it from doing its job or stopping it completely in some of them!"

He taps on his chin watching as you drink the beverage he offered watching as the colour returns to your face and not having you look as if you were an undead. He stops tapping his chin giving a small chuckle while giving you a huge grin.

"This is only the beginning my miracle of a masterpiece! Don't you worry as long as you cooperate with me I promise everything will go absolutely marvelous!"

It had been a month since he had found you, you won't deny that he confuses you more then not, he's the polar opposite of your mother, he's always so active, adventurous, he even treats you so much differently.

He encourages you to explore to test out new things and not sit and wait for him, he finds it annoying after a certain amount of time. It's because of this you often find yourself doing something dumb like the one time you ate half a bush of poison ivy knowing what the consequences of that are.

"I would've been severely disappointed if a simple plant is what took you out but it truly was something else watching as your body healed itself from the inside out, i'd even say it's a piece of art!" He said as he began walking around you in a circle "Now that I've had time to think on it...you could be my accomplishment!" He picks you up leading you towards his lab room.

"It took some heavy thinking but ultimately you've shown to listen very well along with your body being able to handle even the most deadliest of injuries, I simply have to make some adjustments on you to be able to get the maximum opacity possible from you."

He sees the look you give him causing him to make eye contact with you and smile "Ah don't worry it won't harm you while I won't lie and say it's painless it will be worth it in the end you have my promise...you will be my legacy.."

As time goes on he seems to have been in a terrible mood more as of late, He hasn't taken it out on you, you do realize however how he takes it all out on his experiments he deems as failures which he hasn't done before.

One thing you've also noticed is how he seems to also want to rush the process of enhancing your body more then it already has, while also teaching you different fighting styles from the most brutal to the most pacifist.

He wanted you to be something they've never seen before something that no matter how hard they try or beg they wouldn't be able to stop you. That is what he wants but that pest can't seem to accept the fact that you no longer belong to her....and that pisses him off more than anything.

He needs you to be ready so when you finally are not even she will be able to tame you, you will be proof of what everyone thought he could never achieve....oooh how he'll prove it to all of them.

Finally that day comes when you were finally ready he couldn't help himself but laugh at their reaction when they saw you. Looking at him as if he was crazy bringing just some person into a shady hideout. That changed the moment he asked you be rid of them how he loved hearing them screaming some even begging but he taught you better "Always finish what you've started."

What he really wanted more than anything was her reaction of you finally being revealed to the public. You had immediately topped the charts in the top 20 after the amount of casualties and buildings destroyed in simply 2 hours. There was one person who was less than happy at this new found enemy....Her.

She couldn't help but clench her jaw both hands in a fist to the point of bleeding her eyes wide and brows furrowed before giving a shaky laugh.

"Just you wait until I get my hands on you but first I need a way to deal with him."

He's ruined everything she tried to be nice from civil conversations to mock attacks but now this is something else, he's really done it now. She'll make sure to get you back and have him in such fear that he'd have no choice but to look over his shoulder, even if the chances of her failing are high it's a risk she's willing to take.

Request are open!

[meluiloth]

On Stealing AI Art

Since the rise of AI generated images (or AI 'art'), there's been a lot of controversy regarding how to handle the issue; many artists - especially those being stolen from - publicly denounce the use of generative AI for creating such compositions, and are pushing back against it in any way they can.

One way I've seen people doing this is by redrawing the AI images to reflect their true artistry, such as this example below: the picture on the left is an AI-generated image by X user RogerHaus, while the artwork on the right is by X user hachihachi, drawn in protest of AI. In fact, this particular image has been redrawn in several different styles with many different characters by artists all over the world to show that real art will always be superior to AI, a sentiment I wholeheartedly agree with as an artist myself.

However, while I do think that this trend of 'stealing from AI' is really amazing in some ways - all of the redraws I've seen of the above piece are gorgeous and creative - is it possible that, by redrawing an image that was originally produced by AI, we are only justifying its existence? Is it ethical to 'steal' what was already stolen from so many other artists? Is it even successful in proving that original artists are better if their art isn't fully original?

Let me explain: while it is very much a form of reclamation and protest on behalf of artists to redraw an AI-generated image, I think that there are a few nuanced drawbacks to this.

For one thing, it's possible that you could be justifying the image you're redrawing by saying that it's worthy of being redrawn. A person who generates AI images who sees this might think 'well, this is a reason to keep doing this - artists are drawing these pieces because they're good.' Those people might not be looking at these redraws as proof that AI is unethical, they might just think that it's proof that AI is good. After all, these artists are drawing an AI-generated image at the end of the day.

For another thing, AI is, at its core, an amalgamation of real artworks stolen from real artists. That's a huge part of why many people hate it so much. So, if an artist is 'stealing from AI', isn't it similar to justifying AI's own thievery? Someone who steals a jewel from a jewel thief to condemn stealing hasn't fixed the crime. This issue is a little more muddy since these AI images aren't exact replicas of real artist's work (aka there's no real way to return the hypothetical stolen jewel to its original owner) but it is something to think about.

Lastly, I have seen a lot of people redrawing AI characters - mainly ones seen on Pinterest - and coming up with original characters based on the AI's design. This one I feel the most conflicted on, because I have felt indignant at seeing AI designs and the subsequent 'mine now' idea (especially because some of the images are actually frustratingly cool), but I think that this thought process is the most dangerous because the lines of originality and AI become very blurred;is the character truly yours if you lifted the design from AI? And does that prove that AI has value in that manner?

These questions and issues I've presented about stealing from AI have troubled me for a long time, and frankly, I don't have a sure answer - it's certainly powerful to see new life being breathed into a soulless image by those with true passion and skill, and one of the starkest ways that the differences between AI-generated pictures and real artists can be shown. It's artists saying "We're not scared of your AI images, because we can do it better." It's a beacon of hope that artists aren't going to quietly ignore or accept this usurping of our own souls in favor of the destructive and easy way. It's giving AI generators a taste of their own medicine - "You stole from us, so we'll steal from you."

But does it taint us as well to prove these truths by burying our own hands into the mud to fight with those rolling in it?

I'd love to see your thoughts on this matter.

[sophia-sol]

Delicious in Dungeon (Dungeon Meshi), by Ryoko Kui, translated by Taylor Engel

I decided to read Dungeon Meshi because I kept seeing people on tumblr posting about the new anime adaptation, and it looked fun and cute. And although I don't watch much tv, there was an entire manga I could read instead! So I did.

The basic premise: in a world where adventuring parties going on dungeon crawls is a thing that happens, one guy has a dream: to be able to cook and eat all the different kinds of monsters in the dungeon, to be able to find out how they taste!

And because his party needs to be able to head deep into the dungeon to rescue a party member who was left behind, and they don't have the funds or the time to collect supplies, all of a sudden they have REASON to need to eat monsters. They're going to forage and hunt for all their meals as they make their way down.

So using that as the basis, the manga goes on to explore the worldbuilding, the interrelationships of the characters in the party, everyone's backstories and reasons for being there, a developing plot, and of course, the ingredients and nutritional composition and flavour of every meal they eat.

I absolutely adored every bit of this!!! The main characters are all a delight, and it's the kind of story where the author sees and shows you the inherent personness of all characters, including antagonists. And the world created to make sense of the dungeon's existence is fascinating, as are all the ways the ecosystems within the dungeon are expanded upon to make sense of the creatures living within it.

And it's a story that knows what its themes are, too, and is able to tie them all together in extremely satisfying ways in the climax of the narrative!

I had this moment leading up towards the ending where I was like:

[thematic spoilers below the cut]

ohhhh it's about….everyone being part of a balanced ecosystem of life and death where everything sustains everything else! the various human species included! and I was filled through my very soul with this feeling of connectedness myself.

Anyway it was amazing and I had a lot of feels.

And as well as enjoying all of that, I also just really loved our main characters! We start out seeing them all fairly shallowly but over the course of the story as more aspects of them are revealed they're all just…..I love every one of them.

I did struggle with a few aspects of the manga, but none of it significantly affected my ability to enjoy the read:

It kept adding more and more characters, and I got rather lost occasionally trying to keep track of them all. But ultimately it's not vital to remember every tertiary character to get a good read out of this, so it's not as bad as it could be.

In the mid to later parts, it became a lot more plot focused and actiony than I'd really been expecting, in a way that made it harder for me to follow, since fight scenes in sequential art are challenging for me. And occasionally it drew back more than I wanted from its focus on food. But it refocused eventually!

It turned out to be pro monarchy in the end, which isn't my fave, but it's not like a major theme of the manga or anything so I could overlook it.

I kept expecting it to have at least a little bit of textual queerness, and there wasn't any as far as I could see! Even various background relationships or depictions of people's attraction was m/f. But uh. Falin/Marcille, anyone? There are some powerful vibes there. (I'll also accept Laios/Kabru)

In conclusion, I highly recommend it, and if you want to read it, you can read the whole thing online for free in English translation here: https://dungeonmeshi.com/manga/dungeon-meshi-chapter-1/

[archduke42]

OK, I've had time to really reflect with this trailer

I still have some mixed feelings. Part of me hoped they would not bring Barriss back because maybe it was time to move on. After 11 years, I felt like I was just being suckered by red herrings. It's a little exhausting when opportunities happen and everyone speculates but it becomes a false alarm. Plus I used to be rather arrogant over the thought of Barriss being an Inquisitor. Used to irritate me a lot that fans even wanted that to happen. "How can anyone want this?" I used to ask myself. But I'm old fashioned, from a time when good guys were good, bad guys were bad, and Hero(ine) blows up the super weapon. All this character ambiguity people embraced for their Star Wars was a bit alien to me. It was enough that she was supposed to die in Order 66, but this was almost too much. The backlash against "The Wrong Jedi" was a tidal wave at the time, and lots of fans (myself included) cried hard at Filoni and Lucas' casual retcon.

But then, I'd been writing hero journey stories for Barriss since 2005 or 2006 and the whole villain plot twist was infuriating. And there was so much hate for Barriss on the internet at the time. I cursed Filoni's name with an old man's fiery blackened heart. My Muse had become the most hated character in Star Wars, and I had become a hot mess for several years after so much heavy emotional investment. I wanted to channel all my energy into Barriss stories (and eventually Barrissoka stories, since they were such a perfect couple) I also commissioned some shipping/wedding/marriage art to maybe push back against people's notions of a revenge fight between Ahsoka and Barriss. I have been blessed with discovering a huge Barriss Offee/Barrissoka fan community out here, and I think we have all built so positive energy in our love for these characters. Being a writer and reading the works of so many others has helped me grow with the community and learn so much. I am grateful to the art of people like @grissaecrim, and stories by people like @jedimasterbailey and @stellanslashgeode (and so many others) I can be excited that Barriss is officially coming back! The wait is over, and my anxiety returns. but I also have had a long period of time in 11 years to accept these new dynamics for Barriss. I am ready to accept whatever Destiny is in store for Barriss, though I suspect Filoni will be giving her a journey of sorts and not just leading these episodes towards a villain death for her. I suspect this journey may even go to live streaming with Ahsoka involved but time will tell. I still loath the concept of challenging expectations, but I realize that Star Wars characters have to grow out of two dimensional designs. Heroes don't need to be sparkling perfect and Villains can have a moral compass of sorts. I just wish Lucasfilm would stick to a consistent history with all this. I'm certain Filoni will have more retcons to drop on us. It's his style. But in fairness, the trailer was exciting, the animation looked really good. And I enjoyed seeing other minor characters involved, like 4th Sister, Grand Inquisitor, etc. I look forward to the exciting battles with Elsbeth and Grievous, etc. Most importantly with this trailer comes the enthusiasm to see Barriss return. Much of the hate is gone, and the Star Wars community in places like Youtube, Tumblr, etc is blowing up with excitement for this. The majority fans are ready for her adventure to continue with open minds. I think that gives me more joy than anything, that fans actually want to see her again, and want her to win at this in the best way possible even though she is starting from a dark place. I'm ready to see how this goes. This could be one of the best Star Wars experiences of 2024.

[nerves-nebula]

heyo, uh sorry for the super long message, and sorry this question is a little strange or somethin, you dont have to answer it, but youre like the only person i have seen on the internet comfortably talk about csa, and i wanted to just kinda say ive been debating including csa in one of my characters backstories but im nervous i will misrepresent it or something (i have experience with being sexually harrassed/coerced when i was a teenager but it wasnt drastic and i am not a victim of csa) and i guess i wanted advice. i don't want it to seem like its for cheap shock value, i do want to make it thematically relevant. the character, who i will call S for conveniance, was raised in isolation by their mother for their entire childhood and was abused and neglected, and S was raised to be "bait" for people to lure them in so their mother could eat them (uh. yeah cannibalism is here too. their backstory is already fucked up without the csa) i have a basic idea for how the csa starts, how it incorporates itself into the story and how S is affected by it, but i dont know, im nervous about including any of this because again, its a serious topic, and i want to portray it in a way that doesnt feel like its there just to make the reader disgusted. so if you have any pointers for me i'd appreciate that. again no big deal if you dont answer this

well it sounds like you've already made it thematically relevant with the whole "raised to be bait" thing so good job. I can absolutely see myself reading a story like that and thinking "this would be improved with csa but the author probably didnt wanna go there" cuz I can't imagine a situation in which a child is created for and frequently put in that kind of danger for the parents benefit that wouldn't somehow cross over into CSA or at least emotionally incestuous behavior.

it makes sense to be nervous when writing about it but without exact examples i can't really tell you if i think you're off base on anything. im not sure if any of the general pointers i COULD give would be very helpful on account of i'm not the end all be all of csa representation haha. my situation wasn't even that bad, i'm just inordinately fixated on it for some reason.

some people will tell you that under no circumstances should you write a graphic csa scene. this comes from an understandable place where in the past a lot of csa in media has been very uhhhh exploitative i guess? just for shock value, like you said here? which can be alienating and hurtful and rely on unrealistic tropes and spread misinformation and a lot of bad stuff. but i personally like when things get a bit graphic, its why i liked The Incest Diary so much. it really depends on the tone of the story and you're just gonna have to accept that you're not gonna please everyone.

as for less/non-graphic csa portrayals theres this article by this author Rene Denfeld which i really like and respect. i've read her books The Child Finder and The Butterfly Girl and i think they're both good examples of portraying explicitly that a child was raped, focusing on the childs inner world, and what its like to live with and cope with that trauma afterwards, all without anything very explicit.

as a side note, i don't think that "Trying to make the reader disgusted" is a bad reason to include it. i dont think you need a higher justification to write about csa other than "I Wanted To." that doesnt mean i always enjoy or agree with how ppl write about it but trying to evoke disgust isnt inherently bad because it is disgusting. I often evoke disgust with my art even when I don't mean to just because people are more sensitive to it than I am.

but being overly cautious about writing about csa, to the point that you don't even include it, means that most of the ppl writing about it will either be dickheads who don't care at all about being sensitive and victims of csa themselves and when those are the two main categories things get iffy and stressful and the survivors voices often get drowned out. im not gonna go into why cuz that'll take foreverrrrr. but my point is that I don't believe CSA is worse than like, death, or grief or murder or something. you can write about it if you wanna you dont need an excuse.

[mintythecup]

I absolutely adore your art, but anyway

Give me your opinion on all your friends

ofc starting with your best friends and.. so on so on

giggles. THANK YOU EHHEHEHEHDJNSMDJF

Okay so

Starting off with irl friend's

J, she's a really really awesome friend to have

She also noticed when i was feeling down and tried her best to make me feel better <3, she's also really pretty and I love being friends with her, she also is super fucking funny and she also gives me sum tea and some things fhat have happened:3

Then my gf(also Mt beat friend) I absolutely fucking love her. She's so pretty and she makes me feel so good about myself and the little things she does just makes me fall for her more, she's so pretty, her smile. Her eyes. Her hair. Her voice, generally craving everything thay I'd die for. She's the best. I swear, everyday she couldn't get any prettier and I love LOVE how she makes me feel. My beautiful girlfriend is someone I couldn't ever get out of my mind even if I tried. She's super funny and usually distracts me in her own weird ways to make me feel happy too

My brother (karl)

Hes a really really good person to be around, we both share ocs and generally he really does get me, inlove being around him and he's funny to talk to

My friend (k) she knows another part of me thay I will NOT share. Lmao, we both have alot of things in common and generally she's really funny to talk to. Also someone who gives me tea and some things that have happened :3

Shes also someone I can go to when I need distractions

I don't really bond with the rest of the friend group fhat well so uhhh, online friends next!

My brother mugsy, he's generally a really fun person to talk to and hell I really fucking love his art, I've adored if since day one and his animating skills too, he's someone that I could go to aswell and he's also good at comforting when I do need it. I wouldn't replace him if i even had the chance.(there will never be a chance.)

And my online pookie lily!

I really love her art aswell, she's funny to talk to and a really sweet person (she's holding me up at gun point as I type this/j) but to be real here.

I love her art and I'm generally jealous on how she's able to do the type of styles she does, we also do agree on alot of things and she knows alot about me aswell, also an understanding person and I can't wait to meet her one day.

Kat! My online parent, i really love on how she makes me feel important and how she's able to take on the role of being one of my online parents, she's really good at comforting when I need it and when she needs space I accept it aswell, someone I've grown to appreciate and love the things she does for us and alot of people

Ira :3

One of my other online parents! I really love her art too, I love all of my friends art tbh. But she's a really kind person and I love being around them and it makes me happy to know rhat they are okay and doing good, especially when we don't talk much as we used to but I love seeing them update and post new art or something, I also appreciate how they are able to make me feel loved and appreciated too

Carla!

Carla is one of my idols and I love their aus and ideas too, I FUCKING FLIPPED OUT WBEN I REALIZED I WAS TALKING TO SOMEONE WHO I IDOLIZED SINCE 2022 AND STILL GROWING❗️but to be real though, she's super kind and I appreciate that i was even noticed in the first place, their ocs are really cute too

CHECK FHEM OUT RN RN

bunnzy!

My other online oarent that just up and adopted me for some damn reason

But their ocs and vackstories are really interesting and I can't helo but feel really appreciated when it comes to tjem and how they make me feel included, especially during our rps

They understand that sometimes I do get overwhelmed with texting alot ofnpeople ay a time and accidentally forget to reply.. I do that alot and I really apologize

But their art is so scrumptious and their ocs are fucking beautiful. I swear.

Mocha! GER ART IS BEAUTIFUL TOO I swear I'm friends with people who's art is something I'd admire and look back at constantly. But she's really kind and funny to talk to and even during our lives we'd be laughing and losing our shit during them. It's funny and I love how her ocs are designed

MC FLURRY❗️❗️(floris)

GREEERJAGHFHAJFJJ how do i explain.

Their lore and art is really damn creative there isn't someone I know who has a SPLINTER. of what their ocs have. But also a really great person, there's alot to put into words I can't even put together myself and it makes me happy go get to know tnem LIKE BRO, I SWEAR THEIR OCS ARE DOWNBAD GERGOUS TOO (did I spell thag right...)

NERF!!!

ONLINE DAD and the only one I have..

Theirbdesigns. Everything. Oh Mt GOD I swear. But also an interesting person to falk to evenr though we don't interact alof

CHECK THEN OUR RNRNRN but real talk. I love everything about em, designs and shi like that

Fun to be around but I don't really say much since we don't interact alot sadly :'l

MONSTWRS OH MY FOD

My idol. my damn IDOL. THEIR ART IS DO DAMN GOOD ISTG BUT THEIR OC ZACKY AHOWS FATHER FIGURE FOR ME DAMN.

BUT lore. Lore A GOOD DAMN PLANNER TOO their multiple aus and ocs are something that is Hella brave to do tbh, lowkey something myself can't even pull off that's so cool, but they are really funny to talk to! AND INTERESTING AUGSJFBKAJFJAJD

Im sorry for the misspells too and I was typing too damn fast god Zdamb.

Also sorry if I missed anyone

Theres so many people to talk about BUT I LOVE YOU GUYS TOO DONT FEEL LEFT OUT PLEASE

[dezimaton]

musing to myself "ah, it's nice I can interact with some other artists for once during artfight for the month of july"

then I realized, it doesn't need to be just july

I could try to add more interactive activities to my art blog

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it dawned upon me that my current mode of posting is pretty un-interactive. I just draw what i like, then post it into the abyss that is the internet. sometimes I get some really sweet tags(and oh how I wish to vigorously shake the hand of some users that consistently brighten my day), but ultimately they're one-way messages: me to them and them to me

I would like to encourage more of a back-and-forth, a dialogue, since that's what I miss the most from the old internet before the current state of social media: I miss talking with people! exchanging goodies! appreciating ocs and sharing my own!

I don't think I'll be able to recreate that environment, but I can at least try my best to cultivate the energy

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

so I brainstormed

art trades + compliments

freeform + meme commissions

oc asks + doodle responses

(open to suggestions if anyone has ideas!)

there are reasons why I don't do these presently, but I think perhaps in a limited capacity they are worth trying to see how it feels

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

to elaborate-

art trades & commissions: I love drawing for other people! I love seeing everyone's varied ocs and their unique lore! and I love seeing people smile when they're handed a little art treat

artist-request-fatigue permitting, I could, would, and have spent my free time drawing for others for a good couple of years

The downside is that I end up neglecting my own characters. So sometime on my art journey I decided to distance myself from trades and comms to allow space for personal work

This decision freed me up to fall into an obscure fandom and end up STILL only sparsely drawing my own ocs. (oops!) But I don't regret the time I spent hellswording. I met a lot of good people and made a number close friends that I still talk to

So I'm thinking at a low frequency of once a month, I could try to do a little art trading/comms while retaining the rest of my free time for my own art (and life things that aren't drawing haha!)

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oc asks + responses: this one is a two pronged 'why not'

first one is, admittedly, that writing and characterization are a major weak point of mines

For the longest time my characters were design-only. I could assign them a profession and vaguely imagine a world they exist in, but I could not wrap my head around what personality they'd have and how they'd react to things- their likes and dislikes- how they'd interact with others (such vital stuff!)

After my stint in addhell, reading a great deal of fanfiction (and scuffily writing baby's first fics), I only recently started to grasp how to imagine an interaction and setup a scene

I'm still weak in this area which makes me hesitate, unsure I'd be able to answer oc asks definitively, but I think the /trying/ is part of the process of figuring them out

It's kind of silly, but I have this worry of answering one way then later deciding it's no longer accurate. Slowly trying to accept the idea that my word need not be law forever. I am not a company trying to maintain a consistent depiction. My ocs are allowed to grow with me and I am permitted to change my mind (because doing so too- is discovery in a way)

-

The second wrench in the gears is that most of my ocs are positively ancient! dating back to 2013 (holy shit, the time really does pass) I still love them dearly, but their designs and stories are, as one would expect, outdated

I have not revisited their lore because while they have potential, they're so scattered (1-2 per verse...) and so bare bones I'd need to invest a lot of energy to flesh them out. the ideas will remain at the back of my mind, but I don't plan to work on them anytime soon. As such, they aren't well suited for oc asks since I don't have much depth to scratch at

Of the new guys, I have Tive! my cute lil sona! pngtuber for streams! and overall representative stand-in for socials. I don't intend to do anything with him other than draw him for fun, so he is free to meme! He has a little story packed with visuals I like, so I'd be happy to share more about him

The other 5 characters that I really want to share but haven't are for bhg. This is a little rpghorror game I want to make! Because they're involved in a story I want to tell (but try not spoil), as well as the project being very slow moving with just me working on it- I feel there is a low risk to sharing them at this stage

I've been working on them for the past year or so. My goal was to design them as a group so they complement each other in look, theming, and personality (trying to cook up fun interactions). It was a lot of effort going back n forth between characters, making multiple revisions, but I think I'm finally at 90% complete! I have a well balanced looking cast that I feel rather proud of

Lately I've turned my attention back to trying to assemble the slew of potential themes/scenes together into a reasonable timeline. Once again, writing is not my strong suit so boy am I feeling The Difficulty

pros

answering oc asks may help me figure their personalities better & iron out kinks in the visual designs as i doodle them

its a half-baked storytelling method, but not without merit- if i end up never finishing the game (I want to believe in myself though)

it'll be fun!

cons

answering asks may detract energy from development (but I'm not always motivated so this might not be so bad if i do it during muse downtime)

risk of AI datascraping/idea respinning before I can finish my vision

So- I think I can answer asks for Tive for sure! It feels a little lonely for him to be the only character up for questions, so I'll stew over some more whether I want to introduce and include bhg crew. I do want to try at least once though!

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If you've made it this far down this long ramble, wow. thank you for listening to me rave like a madman haha

After this year's artfight comes to a close on Aug3 (it was extended), I hope you'll consider chattering with me once I write up how the trades/comms will work. I've thought out an easygoing system that i hope will be fun and low stress ✨

[aneggofmystery]

The Monkie Kid Style Shift

(from the perspective of a fictive. i promise that's important)

To start, for those who are unaware of my existence bc you only know mills or just dont know us at all, hi! I'm Cicada, he/she pronouns, and I'm a Tang fictive. I wanted to give my opinion on all the shit that happened today, because I believe I and other fictives have unique experiences regarding source media changes :3

(the rest of the post will be under the cut, scroll away if you'd like to avoid spoilers from the trailer) (and, quick side note, NO MATTER WHAT I SAY HERE, PLEASE DO NOT HARASS ANYONE. CHRIST I CANT BELIEVE I HAVE TO SAY THIS, BUT PLEASE DO NOT HARASS REAL PEOPLE OVER THESE LEGOS. K? K.)

Okay, so we all know that Flying Bark's animation has always been an integral part to the spirit of Monkie Kid as a show, and is the main reason why a lot of people love it. As a semi source-connected fictive, seeing that style is like literally seeing me and my family in photographs.

like, y'all have no idea the emotional damage this shot specifically does to me whenever i see it.

and while, yes, there is a possibility that WildBrain can simply just be learning the style (hell, even FlyingBark had to kinda learn their own style in the early days), it's an extremely drastic change and, thus, is bound to cause collateral damage.

I love speaking about my husbands, for example, and the FlyingBark style luckily gives me a great outlet to do so (pignapped lives in my mind rent free).

However, and I can't speak for any other fictives, but the art style shift is kind of like if you watched your family get replaced by aliens or robots right in front of you and couldn't do anything about it. Stiff, doesn't really have a lot of character. I've seen people theorize that they're gonna be animating on rigs instead of handrawn, which matches up. That means, however, that we can't achieve awesome shots such as. every lbd scene ever.

I know plenty of Singlet but neurodivergent people who are also distressed about this, there's familiarity. Especially in my fellow autistic folk, that feels natural, good, and we wouldn't give it up for the world.

(We mod in one of the biggest Monkie Kid discord servers and, dear gods, the fucking backlash. we're all going through it.)

I'm kind of worried that this was pushed, not only because of the ATLA movie, but also because everyone on the staff team was worried because the fandom was antsy.

Can't speak for anyone else, but all the "save me s5" jokes I made were just light hearted, and I'd much rather have quality over quantity. Personally, i'd be willing to wait years for the next monkie kid season if it meant that we could still have it animated by FlyingBark.

Now, of course, this isn't what we're getting, and we'll have to accept that, I just think it should also be valid for fans to be reasonable skeptical at the quality, no matter if it's still the same writers and VAs. It's a huge change, and all I ask is that you're patient with me.

WildBrain is an amazing studio, but I'm not sure they can adjust to the shift in style. Of course, someone's bound to be dissatisfied with it, including myself, and I ask that y'all are patient with people like that. Don't say shit like "if you're a real fan, you wouldn't care about the art style change." That's not nice.

sorry if this isn't coherent in the slightest, I have been crying for a while for the reasoning i mentioned about feeling like I've lost a part of myself. This is terrifying for me, and i ask that you please be kind to others like me <3

anyways, follow if you wanna hear me yap ab BreakfastShipping

[den-ai-d]

Ooof...a decade on this site eh?

Oh no, story time incoming!

10 years and yeah, so much has happened already. Originally, I made this blog back when I was in high school as a place to post my drawings; back then, it was all just pencil drawings on paper. Looking at them now...well it was obvious I still had a long way ahead of me LOL. And to think some people assume that everyone skilled enough in art must have had some innate talent for it. CLEARLY, they don't know what they're talking about because I was terrible at it early on!

But I mean, I didn't really think that of my art, did I?

No. In fact, I'm pretty sure that kid me was very much impressed with his own works. See, that child had a very bloated ego and a high opinion of himself. You should ask his poor friends; I'm sure they'd agree that the bugger could take a few lessons on humility with how he'd be sharing all of his silly sketches to them and pontificating on and on about how nice he thinks they are. Yeah, I was an insufferable kid.

But I do think that overinflated ego of mine turned out beneficial for my growth as an artist because without it—without my love for my own art—I wouldn't have stuck to it.

And stuck to it I did.

Went to college soon after that and took a program majoring in biology. Not much of a surprising choice since I've always liked the sciences and figured it would later on give way to a stable career; funnily enough, while I was very passionate about making art, I never thought it would be a profitable source of income. But that didn't mean I'd stop doing it on my free time though! Actually, this was when I got myself my first tablet! And what better way to start my digital drawing experience than to buy a FUCKING EXPENSIVE cintiq!!! With the extra motivation coming from the monetary pressure of such a purchase, you bet your ass I used the hell out of that thing. I was so intent on making use of it that—would you look at that—I still use it to this day! (Wow, they really made those old wacom tablets to last, didn't they?)

Obviously, college work ended up taking a lot of my time so I couldn't really draw as much as I did a few years ago. There were even times when I could only make one painting throughout a whole month; a far cry to my previous output. But even so, I never wavered in thinking that making art—being an artist—was something that was part of my identity; it was something that I always will come back to, no matter how much busy I got contending with course work.

And speaking of which, fuck that! Got my first honest-to-goodness mental breakdown because of all the studying I was doing at one point. See, I'm the type of student that likes getting good grades because BIG NUMBERS so I made it a point to be studious. To the point of insanity, apparently.

Anyway, I got better eventually and it all turned out nice. Even snagged all the awards I could've gotten for my thesis by the end of it! Yes, I am bragging. I deserve it, thank you very much! (For anyone curious, it was a study about plant pigments and using them in solar cells).

After that debacle, I found myself whisked into Adulthood which meant I finally had to find a job. Guess I was lucky since I didn't really have much of a hard experience searching for one. Got accepted into a cosmetics company for a lab position. Hmm, in hindsight, I think they just wanted a fresh graduate who wouldn't demand a high salary and that was me so I got in pretty easily. And honestly, the work was AWESOME. My job ended up with me coming up with formulas for new products. I got to make lotions, shampoos, soaps (ugh, I hated that one), perfumes, toners, balms, scented candles, and—oddly enough that one time—glue! It was a wonderful experience for me since it blended my interest in science and art with how it required me to think of creative ways of applying technical solutions in order to make products that needed to look, feel, smell, and perform a certain way.

As a bonus, I even got to make stuff for myself! I was particularly fond of making creams with menthol. The soothing chill on the skin is just so nice!

It wasn't all good though. I mean the menthol was fine and dandy, I assure you, but even if I was enjoying myself with the work, it just so happens that it just wasn't giving me enough money to provide for the family. Also, there was that one time I splashed chili oil on my eye. A very eye-opening and spicy turn of events to be sure.

With the bills stressing the hell out of me, I then thought to myself: if only I had a marketable skill that I could use in my off time as a way of engaging with a hobby whilst earning money.

Yup, I started my singing career!

LOL no. I opened art commissions for the first time!

It was a very scary experience, mind you. I don't consider myself a social butterfly and the prospect of talking with other people in a transactional context was a big reason why I haven't even considered doing it all this time. Turns out being poor and running out of money outweighed such concerns. Also, my keeping up with art and posting them online all these years seemed to have payed off well; my twitter having then recently crossed over a thousand followers which meant I had a decent pool of potential clients!

And so I bumbled through my first few commissions trying to appear professional and all put together in front of my clients while consistently shitting myself on the inside. Just like all well-functioning adults!

It was October last year when I started. I figured that I wouldn't have much in way of commissioners—what with being new to the business—and that was fine since I didn't have much time to put on them anyways since I did still had to go to work on my day job. What mattered was that it gave me enough of a financial buffer so that I didn't have to worry too much about going under.

This continued to the turn of the year where I was able to juggle both my job and doing commission without much of a hassle. In fact, I noticed that people were actually really interested in getting commissions from me. So much that at one point...I actually made more money in a month than what I would've with my monthly salary! At that point, it was so over! Like, I originally was planning to at least observe how things went within this year and then decide after if I would just keep it as a side gig or go full-time with art. Turns out I was much more impulsive than I expected.

It was on a bright sunny February morning (no cinematic storm clouds in sight, unfortunately) that I decided on a lark to approach my boss at work and tell them that yup, no joke, I was gonna be leaving. I handed my resignation letter a few days later.

I would've liked to say that it was a tearful goodbye with my cherished co-workers whom I've spent the last five years of my life with but...COME ON, I barely talked with those people! Instead, it was a lukewarm farewell between people who just happened to work in proximity to each other. Eh, like I said, I wasn't much of a social butterfly and no one really made an effort to get to know me so oh well. MOVING ON!

Actually, I couldn't just up and leave because there are laws around these kinds of things so I worked there for another month but all that was a blur. Soon enough, I was officially unemployed!

So like I mentioned earlier, I full on did not expect doing art as something that would bring in much in way of income. My parents too thought the same. They said that yeah, art was a good hobby but as job? Let's be serious here! Well, turns out we were wrong all this time. With me fully dedicated to commission work, I was able to take on a larger volume of clients. Not as many as some of you go for (I'm looking at you, people who take ten or more commissions per batch, you monsters!) but enough that I was actually making a stable living! And yeah, WAY more than my now previous job. What an absolute shock to everyone involved; me most of all.

Now it's almost the end of the year, my plans having all but shattered into tiny pieces. Tiny pieces that scatter with the wind as I look back on the past ten years that has led me to where I am today. A lot of time has passed. I graduated high school, college, then got a job. Then graduated from that too. Certain people have come and gone. Some more permanent than others. I've lost friends and made new ones. Tumblr got fucked. Twitter got fucked. The world stopped for two years. For some, it's still stuck in those two years. I made glue in a lab. Almost lost an eye in a lab. I bought chips with my very own money for the first time. I loved people. Hated them too. Things have happened. Things have changed.

I certainly am very different from that kid who was having troubles fitting in with others from his class, what with being bullied and suffering through a particularly angsty teenage (oh my god I was CRINGE). A kid who often sought drawing as an escape to all of those terrible things out of his control.

I guess I'm happy I can still relate to that kid.