#then my parents found out i was talking to strangers online and i had to stop talking to her

[lilaccatholic]

Physically I'm here but mentally I'm clawing the eyes out of everyone who talks crap about their children on the internet and posts them in their most vulnerable moments for clout

[nowimhaunted]

yall ever think about ur first internet friend that you dont talk to anymore

[chlorinecake]

HELLO

Please PLEASE make a fic about the songs church- chase Atlantic!!

It's my latest obsession, next to enha ofc

leading you on | l.hs

♱ plot: from the shy boy you first met at church camp who your parents once adored to their biggest fuckboy nightmare, you and heeseung reconnect on an online platform where you became a popular streaming duo together, leading to some steamy (and eventually forbidden) connections between you two…

loser!streamer!heeseung x fem!streamer!reader

♱ contains: SLOW BURN, swearing, sneaking out, mentions of bulges (multiple times), oral and fingering (f. r.), slight corruption kink, y/n stripping in front of a large audience (on camera), unprotected sex + virginity loss, y/n deliberately disobeying her parents, angst-ish, ft. other kpop idols, roughly 7k words

a/n: this is my first time writing a one shot all about Heeseung so hopefully I did our favorite loser boy some justice in this fic... have fun reading!

Heeseung. He was always just so... flirty with you.

Not emotionally, that is, but physically.

Leaving lingering touches on your thigh during Bible study, whispering dangerously close to your ear in that bedroom voice of his, or texting you random pictures during the day with his bulge obvious in almost every single one.

Two little voices battled in the back of your mind whenever you were around him, one voice wanting him to take things further while the other found it strange how he did such things so shamelessly.

The boy's got sex written all over him, your friends would warn alongside your Christ-converted step-sister Giselle who'd had her fair share of 'guys like Heeseung' in the past.

But you didn't see him that way. Despite his flirty tendencies, you figured those were just attributes that made him who he is.

Who you've always loved him to be.

However, those Holy, Holy, God Almighty church days were long gone by now, being no more than a distant ninth grade memory to you and most of everyone else who attended back then.

Everyone except Lee Heeseung, who could never shake his adolescent infatuation with you... ____, the girl who accepted his flaws and eventually stole his heart.

You and Heeseung reconnected a few years later by chance, the same day of your one year anniversary on your streaming channel.

Initially, your content consisted of one-hour long broadcasts where you'd just talk with random strangers, hearing out their problems and giving righteous advice.

However, Heeseung became a recurrent visitor on your streams, coaxing you to speak on topics more interesting than whether its modest to wear glam makeup or if kissing should be saved for marriage.

Your channel amassed a whopping 20,000 new followers in the first month of Heesung partnering with you, and its part of what led him to becoming an anticipated guest to your growing fanbase.

A dynamic duo, some commenters would call you two... and much to your parents chagrin, at that.

Off camera, things were the same.

You and Heeseung had grown closer than ever, sacrificing sleep to text each other all night, doing fuck-all on your web streams for hours, and even considering meeting up in person for a broadcast after he shared with you that he still lived in the city.

But then... something changed.

Or more accurately, your overly controlling mother put her foot down.

|Messaging| 💬

Heeseung: So we're not allowed to hang out together this Friday ?

You: Not alone... and honestly, not on the streams anymore, either...

Heeseung: Don't tell me its bc ur shyyyy

You: Nope… pArEnTs ^^

You'd say your mom had it out to get Heeseung more than your dad ever did, resenting the mere mentioning of his name at weekly church gatherings.

"That daughter of yours has gained quite the audience on social media," one womann would say, "too bad she seems to be losing her Faith to that poor Heeseung boy..."

"Such a shame," another would agree, adding to the heat-bubbles boiling in your mother's blood-

"Our faith teaches forgiveness and kindness," you defended yourself, just as your mom gave you maybe her third lecture this week on why you should cut ties with him.

"It also advises caution and wisdom when it comes to who we allow into our social circles," she hummed back, taking a sip of her morning coffee, red lipstick staining the rim of the white mug, "I'd be no better than a fool to sit here and support this meaningless friendship between you and that... man."

You internally rolled your eyes at her words, thinking of something, anything to say in order to change the subject right now.

"Well, I have plans with some friends from church tonight, if you don't mind-"

"Will Heeseung be there?"

"What? No," you lied, and not for the first time, either.

It helped you to feel less guilt whenever you blamed it on the little voice in your head, "Just me and the girls," you clarified.

"Mhm," she smiled facetiously before continuing, "I'm afraid I still can't trust you to go, though... especially not after that little stunt you pulled online..."

Your hand halted at the kitchen countertop as her words settled in your mind, "What stunt?"

FLASHBACK

It all started with a picture.

A stupid picture you got dared to leak by an anonymous tipper who offered a $1,000 donation in exchange for a steamy photo of Heeseung.

Chelbear03: God, he looks so THICK

Chelsea, one of your viewers said in the streaming chat, practically moaning at the photo of Heeseung, biting her lip as if she could feel him inside her just by looking at the screen.

Chelbear03: PAINFUL 😩

pucca_princxss: Need a tissue for your drool, Sea-Sea? 🧻

Danielle, another fan joked.

Chelbear03: Okay, FIRST of all, I have drool coming from TWO holes rn- Secondly, I'd rather just have him lick it up 😔

Chelsea typed back, a nuance to her words that you couldn't tell was meant to be either comical or serious.

"Lick up what?" a curious voice asked from the screen.

That's when your hand flew to cover your mouth, eyes going wide at the sight of Heeseung coming back into frame after saying he'd be "afk for a bit while showering."

His hair was still a bit damp from what you could tell, a towel draped lazily around his neck as your eyes unfortunately fell to the lump hiding behind his pants.

Oh God-

"N-nothing! Uhm... it's not important," you chuckled dryly, only adding to the awkwardness everyone was starting to feel from behind their screens.

pucca_princxss: OOP speak of the papi-

Chelbear03: Please forgive me, Hee-man 🧎‍♀️ ... bc I am disrespectfully foaming at the mouth as we speak-

Chelbear03 has left the stream

A notification of Chelsea having left the stream popped up in the chat almost immediately after she sent that message.

"What was that all about?," Heeseung smirked with confusion, looking between both you and the server comments displayed on his screen for an answer that never came.

"Fine then, keep your secrets... its not like I can't just rewind the stream highlights anyway," he added, just as you felt frantic emotions overcome you.

"Heeseung, you really don't wanna do that, just let me explain-"

His jaw dropped, not necessarily in shock, but with intrigue, the raunchy photo of his semi-hard cock through his sweatpants being displayed on the screen, right before his glossy deer-like eyes.

The same picture he'd only ever sent to you.

"I guess this is my mini Drake moment then," Heeseung chuckled to himself, a heavy sigh escaping your lips at his fortunately chill reaction.

"I did it for 1k, Heeseung, I'm sorry," you whined, pulling your knees up in your chair before burying your face behind them.

"Don't be... everyone already knows I'm your slut at this point," he said in a deeper voice, making you freeze once again as your eyes shot up to view the screen, almost in denial that such words even left his mouth.

anonymous tipper: worst thousand $$$ I ever spent... how abt I multiply the price by two for a sexy picture of the lady ?

yxstar3ject: ooo, but i was thinking maybe a double feature instead ? would luvvv to see how she treats this little slut of hers 🤭

Heeseung snickered so loud, you almost felt it on your skin, watching his facial expressions change with each suspicious message that filled the chat box, throughly entertaining him

"Guys, cut it out before I end the stream," you giggled shyly, revealing your full face that looked a little less flustered than earlier, "Heeseung isn't my slut either, okay? Just a good friend, I swear..."

pucca_princxss: you two need to stream in the same room one day bc this long distance sexual tension thing is so not the vibe :|

"Maybe one day..." Heeseung's voice faded off as he turned off the lights in his room, getting ready for bed...

"Maybe~~," your mother repeated in a mocking tone at the memory of your "filthy fest" of a stream that day, disgust displayed all over her before she took the last sip of her coffee as if it'd soothe her.

"Hope that refreshed your memory sweetie, but either way, my answer's no. Not with that slut on the streets and especially not without my supervision..."

“If you’re referring to Heeseung with that vulgar comment, I’m sorry to correct you, but it’s not right to just bash him with words like that,” you went on, leaning your elbows over the counter.

“Please, any guy who sends raunchy dick pics, let alone to a girl he’s not even dating, is a slut, ____,” your step-sister Giselle voiced while walking into the kitchen, dressed in athletic wear as she filled up her water canteen with a lemon flavored electrolyte packet, “not to mention those other weird things he says about your relationship on the stream.”

Despite how much your family claimed to dislike Heeseung, they had no problem with bringing him up every five seconds in a conversation.

You glanced at her through a side eye, shaking your head at the fact that she was just eavesdropping on your conversation, “That was hardly a dick pic, and you should know that better than me, Jizz-elle,” you retorted, putting extra emphasis on the first syllable of her old nickname.

“Yeah, real mature, ____… you can slut shame me but not your little online boyfriend?”

“Ladies!,” your mother raised her voice slightly, pursing her lips at the tension built up between you two, “that’s enough of this discussion…”

You noticed the way your mother’s eyes lingered on your step sister for a moment, “And where do you think you’re going?”

“To the gym,” she answered shortly, walking past your mom and out of the kitchen with haste.

You scoffed out loud, “Not gonna interrogate her like you did to me?,” you said, laughing as if humored when it was really just a way to mask how irritated you were.

“No,” your mom said with a delayed reply, “Giselle is not my blood… I must take her word for what she says to avoid conflict with your step-father… you, on the other hand, will—”

“—abide by your rules… got it,” you finished for her, knowing better than to continue going back and forth with her in this matter.

You left the kitchen, going up to your room and plopping yourself on the bed, staring at the ceiling as you entered into a deep thinking space.

One in which you'd strategize on how to successfully sneak out of the house to hang out with Heeseung tonight.

|Messaging| 💬

You: So, you want me to meet you where again ?

Heeseung: Just take a hard right past the first stop sign from your place and a few steps past that one brown house (pls ignore my Dora ass instructions rn 🗿)

You: ok ok 😭, smart tho !! … that way, none of my neighbors will see your car :D

Heeseung: Exactly. U sure u still wanna do this, tho ?

You: Yeah, ofc ! Had enough of my mom nagging me all day ☝️ I need a release BIG time

Heeseung: Haha, okay then ! I’ll see you at 10:30pm

You: Cya ! 🐒

THE LAST TIME you and Heeseung met in person was back when you were both young teenagers, navigating hormones and puberty while aiming to keep God at the center of it all, so to speak.

You didn’t know what to expect from meeting up with him, and especially not under such circumstances.

Still, you had a pretty good feeling that all this trouble wouldn’t be for nothing.

It was currently 10:34pm as you turned off all the lights in your bedroom, wearing an all black outfit to ensure you weren’t seen.

You double checked to see if you had everything with you before leaving: phone, spare cash, and a well-rehearsed story in case you got caught.

Opening your bedroom window, you stuck out a leg, suddenly feeling thankful for your step-dad giving you the bedroom on the first story of his home.

Both your feet were on the floor now, your hands finding the window sill as you closed the window back, careful not to accidentally lock it back so you would be able to get back in later.

You then followed the instructions Heeseung outlined in your texts, walking a few blocks down and taking a right turn once you reached the stop sign.

That’s when you caught sight of his dimly lit side profile under the lights of his car and through the tinted windows.

His eyes were on his phone until your figure blocked the streetlight that shined in his car, drawing his attention to your face as a smile spread over his own.

His eyes lit up like you were the candle to his soul, stepping out of the sleek black car to come around and give you a hug.

“Oh- hi,” you chuckled shyly, hands hesitating to wrap around him before he pulled away, looking you up and down while bracing your shoulders.

“Hi,” he smiled back, “I was just about to text you when you showed up at my window… nice black fit, by the way.”

“Thanks,” you said in a playful voice, watching as he opened the car door for you to get in.

“Would it be wrong of me to assume your panties match, too?,” he asked teasingly, joining you in the vehicle before pulling out of his parked position and cruising out of the neighborhood.

“Wow, you’re really representing this slut persona of yours, huh?” You teased back, putting on your seatbelt.

“Mostly because I can’t help it,” he shrugged, flashing you a smile before looking back at the road, “the fans ship us anyway, so we might as well commit to it, right?”

“Righttt,” you answered suspiciously, poking his thigh before looking back out the window, “gosh, this is crazy…”

“What is?”

“How long we’ve known each other and still happened to maintain a solid friendship despite the distance.”

“Yea,” he agreed, turning down a lane decorated with flowers that somehow still shined in the dark of the night, “We’d be fools to give up this bond we share, though… fools not to explore it further.”

He pulled into his driveway a few minutes later, showing you around his place before leading you to his bedroom, a familiar sight to you thanks to the streams.

“Oh- you’ve still got your monitors and mic set up?,” you asked curiously, noticing how the screen of his computer was on the streaming website.

“You remember what Danielle said on our last live? About us broadcasting in the same room together sometime…” he started shyly, pushing out another gaming chair for you to sit in.

“You really think it’s a good idea to stream right now?,” you rationalized, watching as he joined you in the nearby seat, “I mean, I’m obviously down for it, but what if my mom sees it again? Or Gisel—”

“I’ve already blocked your mom's account, ____, we should be fine,” he smiled, “and… if not… I’ll exchange another photo with your anonymous tipper for some forgiveness cash,” he shrugged, pouty lips making you melt a little inside. "Deal?"

You always knew that Heeseung was cute, but you didn’t think it was possible for him to get any better looking from behind the screen.

“Okay then,” you agreed with a sigh, hoping that your nerves would calm down once the broadcast started.

Almost instantly, 100 viewers joined when Heeseung pressed the “stream” button.

You both began with greeting everyone, trying to get past the chat’s excitement about finally getting to see you two in the same room together.

yxstar3ject: OMFG YALL ACTUALLY DID IT ❗️ this is the moment we’ve all been waiting for 🤧

Chelbear03: holy fucking fuck, how is she so CALM NEXT TO HIM 😩

mrloverl0ver: everyone in favor of them playing truth or strip for us, spam the chat with W’s

pucca_princxss: hoon, you raging perv- WWWWWWWWWW XD

Chelbear03: ✨ W ✨

laylaspapi: W no homo wait, why's my name pink now ;-;

yxstar3ject: I took orange the other day ~ sawwy Jakey W <3

You watched as the chat box started to flood with W's and other random comments, feeling Heeseung sat a hand on your thigh as if to make you feel more comfortable.

"Alright peeps, chill out with the chat spamming, we see it," Heeseung said, laughing off some of the tension, "It's not like you guys didn't get a free show the other day, anyways," he added.

"I don't know..." you started, voice and logic trailing off as more letter W's filled the screen, "it might be fun?"

"____," Heeseung said more seriously this time, "it's a pointless game, y'know? We're honest with the fans... they already know most of secrets, so its silly to do truth or strip..."

"Great. That'll only make it more challenging for them to get our clothes off then," you smiled, suddenly feeling excited about playing, a bit of your competitiveness rubbing off on the initially cautious boy.

"Fine then... we'll do it," Heeseund said, eliciting a few viewers to send gifts to your broadcast, "I'm gonna need a drink for this first, though."

Heeseung was doing a good job of making it seem like he wasn't totally down for this, even though on the inside, he was mostly concerned with making sure you felt comfortable, too.

He left the room for a moment before coming back with two canned cocktails in his grip, placing them on his desk in front of you two.

"I'm guessing you don't drink much," he said, popping open a can of sugary fizz with his teeth while making eye contact with you, "so take it slow with this, yeah?"

"Sure, dad," you joked, taking a sip from the can, hoping that the alcohol would maintain your fleeting confidence, considering that you'd just agreed to strip in front of hundreds of people online.

Chelbear03: alr, first question heheh, starting easy !! :))) when was the last time you got upset and why

Chelsea was the first to initiate this little "truth or strip" questionnaire. Heeseung read the question out loud before humming to himself in thought.

“Hmm... maybe when I overcooked my ramen this morning?”

"Who eats ramen for breakfast?" You asked with a dry laugh.

"Don't judge me because I have good taste, ____," he replied, shoving your thigh with his knee a bit, "and you're dodging the question..."

"Oh- right," you chuckled shyly, thinking of what to say and whether to be honest, until you remembered the consequence would be to remove a piece of clothing.

“It was um... over some stupid things my stepsister was saying about a friend of mine… also this morning...”

"Does that friend so happen to be me by any chance?," Heeseung asked knowingly, giving you a look that you quickly brushed off.

"Moving on, next question!"

anonymous tipper: name the last person you hooked up with $100 donation on the line here, btw... plus someone's modesty 🙈

Oh God, you thought to yourself, dreading how this anonymous tipper knew you'd do almost anything for money.

It was really a bad trait of yours...

"Wow, just jumping to the extremes, aren't we?," Heeseung mumbled between a sip of his drink, the wet condensation drawing your attention to his glistening digits for a quick second.

How were you just now noticing how thick his fingers ar-

laylaspapi: uh oh someone looks nervous ...

pucca_princxss: mission accomplished 👹👹👹

In all honesty, you didn't really have an answer to that question, but to avoid coming off as prudish, you opted to take a pair of clothing off instead, lifting your hips in your seat to pull your pants down.

"____, what the-" Heeseung started before choking a bit on his drink, not just at your sudden boldness, but at the sight of your lace panties hugging the natural curves of your hips, pants getting bunched up at your ankles before you kicked them off under his desk.

yxstar3ject: 😭😭😭😭 DEFINITELY wasn't expecting that, oml-

Chelbear03: your turn, hee 🙏🙏🙏

Something about how frazzled your usually calm and collected best friend became at the simple act of you undressing before him gave you a feeling of exhilaration.

By now, your top barely covered the flesh of your thighs, a few commenters saying things about "wanting to take a bite" before Heeseung cleared his throat, hoping that they'd stop making things worse for him.

"Well uh, I'm not willing to strip a layer just yet, plus I could use the $100, so I'll be honest..."

The chat stalled momentarily as if everyone watching paused in eager anticipation of who and what Heeseung was going to say.

"It's been a while, I'll admit," he chuckled dryly, staring off as if envisioning it behind his sparkly eyes, "but it was around a year and a half ago... with a girl I'd rather not name, but she was a bit older than me..."

"Oh?," you accidentally said out loud, a strange feeling of happiness washing over you now that you knew he hadn't been with any girl since you two met reconnected. You're not sure why this information made you happy... or maybe you're just not ready to admit how you truly feel about him to yourself yet...

"How'd you two meet? Wait- why am I even asking that," you cringed at your own inevitable curiosity, Heeseung taking delight in how his timidness somehow rubbed back off onto you.

"Nah, it's okay... I'm sure the viewers wouldn't mind a little storytime-"

He adjusted his posture in the chair, eyes scanning a few new comments before he spoke, "I met her during my bad boy stage, I guess you could say... we bonded over the fact that we were both born in October until we eventually started smoking together at a friends house of mine every now and then... she and I were both going through some divorce drama with our parents and uh... we thought fucking would be a good emotional outlet? I don't know, maybe it was more of a distraction, I guess..."

Heeseung didn't expect himself to ramble the way he did, but he wanted you to know the main details, even though he left out a few parts for another time and conversation.

Chelbear03: what would it take for me to be that girl ? just for one night 😔

maindancertypeshit: pretty sure Hee just confirmed he's into older girls, Chels ... and ones with daddy issues at that-

You nearly snorted at the sudden comment, up until you realized who the last one came from.

"Excuse me, but what the hell is a toddler doing on this stream?" Heeseung asked sarcastically, obviously referring to Niki.

pucca_princxss: LMAO, looking for his mommy ofc 🤱 (😏)

maindancertypeshit: ayo, wtf??? so dani's allowed but I'm not?? hmph >:{

maindancertypeshit has left the stream

You sighed while laughing slightly, taking a sip of the drink as water droplets now dripped unto your thighs, Heeseung's eyes doing a terrible job of not staring.

"I say we do one more round before ending the stream," you offered, looking at the time as you knew you'd wanna spend more private time with Heeseung before having to run back home.

yxstar3ject: BOOOOOOOO :(

Chelbear03: im too pressed abt riki rn to give a damn bro did NAWT have to dish me the truth like that 😭😭

mrloverl0ver: ok ok, let's make this last question worth it then hmmm ...

Sunghoon typed in thought, just as the bulb in Heeseungs side lamp suddenly shattered, the loss of light coupled with it's piercing sound making you jolt in your seat, half of your canned cocktail spilling on your shirt and chest.

"Shit," Heeseung swore under his breath, happy that none of your drink or any glass from the lightbulb got on his streaming equipment.

That's when he noticed you shivering a bit, the cold liquid contrastingly with the warmth of your body.

"C-can you grab me a towel please?," you asked softly, Heeseung taking the can from your grasp and leaving the room with haste to grab a damp and dry cloth for you.

"Here," he offered when he came back, hooking his hands at the hem of your top and pulling it over your head in one swift movement, making you gasp out loud.

You were now half-naked in front of your best friend, not to mention the tons of people watching from their digital screens.

"Heeseung, what're you-"

He was now taking off his own shirt, holding it in one hand while he wiped your chest down with the cloths he held in the other.

There was something about the way his eyes looked while wiping down your boobs, coming off as romantic despite the awkward nature of the situation.

"Put this on," he whispered so quietly you almost missed it, snaking your head through the head hole of his T-shirt while he flicked the ceiling light on, your mind running in a hundred different directions in this moment.

You're not sure if it had something to do with the alcohol, but your skin still tingled in the spots where his fingertips grazed your flesh... just like old times...

You don't think you ever put on a T-shirt faster in your life, wanting to cover up as fast as you could despite how everyone had already gotten a free show from the both of you.

laylaspapi: B👀BS ?!?!? caught in 4k? just like that !?!??!????

mrloverl0ver: guess that means the games over now since y'all started stripping regardless ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

pucca_princxss: I think Heeseung's house might b haunted :'0

Chelbear03: HEESEUNGS FUCKING ABS RN- IS HE TRYING TO KILL ME !??!?

yxstar3ject: 👁👄👁

The chat was going crazy at this point, their flood of comments honestly being the last thing on your mind as you sat bottomless in Heeseung's gaming chair, wearing his T-shirt as he searched for another shirt somewhere behind you.

A billion emotions were coursing through your veins, still trying to grasp how you went from sneaking out your bedroom window, stripping in front of an audience, and getting flustered from the mere presence of Heeseung now.

"Alright guys, this was fun but we're gonna call it a night for now," Heeseung said as he came back into frame, not even bothering to sit back down as his right hand found the mouse, moving it towards the end stream button.

"Yeah, I think my streaming career might end here," you added jokingly, making Heeseung chuckle a bit at your words, his bright smile doing nothing but make your stomach flutter all over again.

What was going on with you?

"Who knows? Maybe we can work on starting an OnlyFans together ..."

"Heeseung-"

"I'm kidding," he laughed again, looking at your face from the screen, not even aware of how he bit his lip before speaking, "you look pretty on camera though, for what its worth."

The all-too familiar tune of the livestream ending rang in your ears, the screen displaying stats of the broadcast engagement, which surpassed any and every stream you've ever filmed before.

"Wow," Heeseung marveled, just as he shut his computer off.

"I know," you added, stretching your back while sitting, "we don't even reach stats like that in a week..."

"I wasn't talking about the ratings, ____," he returned, the room seeming much more quiet now that the computer was off, even though it's been this way the whole time.

"Enough about that, though," he started again, taking your hands in his to pull you out of the chair, "I haven't been a very good host to you this evening... making you work first thing before properly treating you... allow me to make up my lacking..."

"I mean... you gave me a nice seat and something to drink... you even lended me one of your shirts after I made a big mess of myself," you replied while giggling, feeling silly as he held both of your hands while speaking formally all of a sudden.

"Yes, yes, but I'm serious," he continued, now guiding you down to the rug lying in the middle of his bedroom floor, "you still like candy, right?"

ALMOST ANOTHER HOUR had passed and it was somewhere around midnight give or take, you and Heeseung hardly feeling tired as you sat on the mat together, alternating between eating orange slices and gummy bears.

You were propped up on your elbows, a glow still present on his face from the laughter you've shared together so far, even though there was something less innocent you wanted to get off your chest.

You were feeling completely reckless already, and you figured it wouldn’t hurt for you to push things a little further.

Besides, it’s not everyday that a girl like you gets an opportunity like this just placed in her lap.

It's just like Heeseung said, you'd be a fool to give up this bond you two share and not explore it further...

Plus, you weren't sure how much longer you could hide behind the good girl act.

Giselle was right: Heeseung had sex written in full length parables all up and down his six-foot-something body, and you'd be lying if you said it didn't turn you on.... if you said it didn't reel you in, like a burning desire to explore what's corrupted.

To be ruined.

"Heeseung," you started, making him look down at you as he sat with his legs crossed, hair messy from the amount of times he ran a hand through it, "can I ask you something?... It's... kinda personal..."

He popped another strawberry flavored gummy bear into his mouth, "As long as it isn't about your period, I should be good to help you then," he chuckled slightly.

"And what makes you think that I need help with something?"

"Hmm… maybe just that way that your nails keep picking with my wrist watch right now," he answered quietly, drawing your attention to your fingers which tend to get busy whenever you were nervous.

"Oh- I... I didn't even realize...," you laughed at yourself, shying your hands away before sitting up and hiding them in your lap.

"Well go on," he urged, looking back at you with warmth in his eyes, taking off his glasses and setting them aside, "What'd you wanna ask me?"

You let out a breath, clenching your thighs a bit as your sight fell between his legs.

Fuck, did he just laugh? God, he definitely noticed your peeking... you fucking perver-

"I don't really know how to word this but..." you chewed on your lip in thought, "Sometimes... when it's just you and me alone like this... even when we're just video chatting... I feel," you looked up at the ceiling as if it'd help you divulge, "I don't really know what to call it."

He blinked at your words, adjusting his sitting position on the ground, "Are there certain things I do or say that make you feel... whatever it is that you can't explain?" He asked, tilting his head at you, just as his hand inched closer to you on the rug, but not quite touching your skin yet.

"Its a few things, actually-"

"Like what?" His hand was now on your thigh, eyes glued on your shaky figure even though you avoided eye contact, lost in the veins that trailed the pretty skin of his arm.

"When you touch me," you whispered so quietly, the only reason he heard you was because he read your lips, thinking in his own mind what it'd be like to taste them, "like that."

"Speak up for me, I can hardly hear you," he urged, almost as if cooing at you.

"I can't," you said shakily, chest expanding slightly with each heavy breath you took in and let out.

Your idea of being bold was starting to backfire... if only you could stop being so awkward about this for one second-

"It's just me, ____," he whispered with a slight chuckle this time, your hands finding the fluffy rug beneath you as your skin still stung from where he'd last touched you, "be as honest with me as you need."

"Maybe it's best we just pretend I never said anything," your voice trailed off, regretting having looked into his dark eyes that stared back at yours because you felt as though your shield had faltered, his energy coaxing your mind to wander.

"Would you mind if I took a guess?," Heeseung offered with an expression you couldn't read, but you nodded anyway, just as his hand traveled further up your thigh, your breath hitching in your chest as you felt his finger tips meet your core.

"You feel something in here, don't you?," he whispered again, "Hurts, doesn't it?"

Like hunger pains, you answered in your head, finding his shoulder as half of you thought to push him away while the other half just needed to touch him.

You nodded shyly in response, thankful that he didn't move any further so you could catch your breath, already too effected by his actions.

"I feel it sometimes, too. The aching... but I'm sure you're old enough to know there's only one way to get rid of it."

You didn't even have to ask to know what he was implying, feeling tempted to give in to whatever this urge was.

He was right though. It did ache, and so badly, your own core tearing up with a need you never intended to entertain.

That's when his touch creeped closer to your core, your thighs closing around his hand as you struggled to think clearly.

You almost couldn't in a state like this.

It baffled you how the energy was starting to change, but it was only a matter of time that you'd be able to sit bottom less in front of Heeseung looking the way he does before something sexual would happen.

"Are you willing to let me help you?" He asked, gripping your flesh between his hands as a shy sound fell from your lips.

You were having second thoughts.

"As much as I'd like to, Hee, it just doesn't seem right anymore..."

Even though this was all your idea to begin with-

"But doesn't it feel right?" he pressed, feeling his hands gently pry your thighs back open, but its not like you were putting up much of a fight either, "Besides, you wouldn't have told me if you didn't want me to do something about it..."

In this moment, you couldn't care less about maintaining that fleeting sense of virtue all the elders in your life harped on growing up.

You were simply young, horny, lovesick, and in need of a release.

Before you knew it, your legs were parted for him, your back against the rug as his head got comfortable at your heat, fingers barely grazing over your now bare cunt before he started leaving plush kisses against your sweet spot.

The ache was definitely still there, but having him this close to you made it feel better.

Almost too good, honestly…

“Heeseung-” you cried out, clamming your thighs around his head as you felt his thick and warm tongue enter you.

Hooking his hands at your knees, it helped to open you back up for him, feeling your stomach tighten as he continued to lick you down.

“I’m still here, baby…” he cooed, looking back up at you, just as your phone started to ding, "relax for me, alright?"

It was a few random messages here and there, you being too pleasure-drunk to give a damn as he continued lapping at your slick, alternating between one and two fingers as he teased your hole, only making you want more.

“Fuck…s- someone’s calling me,” you whined, propping up on your elbows with tired eyes as you reached for your phone, seeing none other than Giselle's contact number as Heeseung left your core, getting on his knees and unbuckling his belt.

"What're you-"

Your words were cut off as he leaned closer into you, his bulge resting in between your folds as he looked into your eyes and said, "Answer it."

He was already rocking against your pussy as you struggled to stay focused, his boxers being covered in your slick just from how wet you'd gotten, even though you nodded no.

“You want me to help you, don’t you?” He continued, completely aware of your stalling and hesitance as the phone continued to ring, your breathing only getting heavier as he kept grinding against you.

You bit your lip, clenching around nothing as his fingers cascaded over your sensitive spot. Heeseung practically drooled at the sight, your tight little cunt all slick and messy for him.

"Hello?" Giselle asked over the phone, "where the hell are you right now?"

Fuck.

You watched nervously as Heeseung pulled his boxers past his hips, his thickness springing up now that it was finally free to breathe.

"What're you talking about, I was just in my room," you lied terribly, watching Heeseung with pleading eyes as he lined himself up with your entrance, bracing a hand on you lower abdomen while glaring back at you, a glint of playfulness in his doe eyes.

Oh, the way you wanted to smack him across his pretty face right now-

"I wasn't born yesterday, ____. I checked your room an hour ago and you're still not here. Tell me where you are," she continued, voice cracking a bit as you winced through a bitten lip, thanks to Heeseung somehow having slid his thickness inside you.

Well, most of the way, at least...

"____?"

"Y-yes, I'm listening, just- don't worry about me, I'll be back in a bit-"

"That still doesn't answer my question, ____..."

Thud.

You accidentally dropped your phone beside your head once Heeseung pushed all the way in now, leaving a few kisses along your neck to help you calm down.

His hips were still, but for some reason, your breathing remained shaky beneath him, your step-sister still awaiting your reply on the other side of the phone.

"Call you later," you said in a squeaky voice, reaching over to hang up the phone as Heeseung started to move again, your legs trembling a bit as the nerves in your mind traveled through your whole body.

"Now that wasn't so hard, was it?" He asked sarcastically, hand following a trail from your waist, over your boob, then to your neck, goosebumps sprouting on your skin as you suddenly felt cold, your body internally shivering.

"Hee," you said with a whimper, feeling his grip loosen around your neck before he started thrusting into your walls, your slick providing just enough lubrication for him to slide in and out easily.

You couldn't even think in your mind at this point, his actions already becoming more than you could handle given how new everything was.

How nice he felt.

"C'mon, don't get quiet on me now, baby, I just started," he teased, slamming his pelvis against yours to hopefully reel a moan out of you, which obviously worked, your hand flying up to grip the fluffy rug over your head as it became harder to hide your sounds.

He hissed at the feeling of you clenching around him, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth as he looked into your eyes.

"So either you like it when I'm rough with you or when I call you baby..." he started in a low voice, "which is it?"

"M-maybe both... now can you stop trying to turn me on with your words for one fucking second?," you asked with labored breaths, feeling your orgasm creep up on you a lot sooner than anticipated.

Sure, this was your first time, but you were glad he didn't treat you like a baby during the whole thing.

There was just something about the way his voice sounded in this moment, the way he was rutting into you like a horny teenager that took you over the edge.

And he was being such a tease, trying to make you talk knowing that your sentences would be broken and whiney thanks to how rough he was going.

He wanted to hear you falling apart underneath him.

He let out the most attractive chuckle you'd ever heard at your words, "But I can tell it's working," he smirked, bracing himself against the floor so you could wrap your legs around him better, "now quit your complaining and keep taking me like a good girl, alright?"

You're sure your clit started doing backflips at the pet-name, coupled with the pretty sounds he was very intentionally humming beneath your ear.

He found your wrists on the rug, sliding up to your hands and interlacing his fingers with yours,

“Stop trying to act tough, I can tell this is all new to you…. don’t even know what to do with your hands, huh?” his said, watching as your eyes get lost in the view of his shaggy hair.

He snickered, “you can touch it if you want…”

Fuck, you thought to yourself. You don’t know why you felt the need to put on some act for him… maybe it was because you assumed a competition between yourself and other girls he’s been with, even though in reality, you’d been the only girl on his mind for a while now.

“I…,” you started with a stutter, “I can’t.”

Your fingers were still interlaced with his, but your inability to touch him had less to do with the fact that he had you pinned down, and more so to do with your nerves.

As badly as he wanted to keep toying with your head in this moment, he could you were getting closer from how your breath kept hitching, so he didn’t have much time to play.

Releasing his grip from your hands, he brought a thumb to your chin, tapping at it for you to open your mouth, “I’m gonna speed up now then, okay?”

He choked out, his own head becoming a little fuzzy as you parted your lips obediently for him, the sight of your tongue laving at his fingers being enough to make him feel like cumming.

He knew you had to get home quick now, but he still wanted to give you the best orgasm of your life.

Once he collected enough of your spit on his fingers, he slid his hand down, circling your swollen bud while looking into your eyes, your hands automatically flying to his shoulders to brace yourself.

“Fuck, Heeseung~,” you cursed with furrowed brows, whimpers that almost sounded like high pitched hiccups falling from your lips as you felt your hips chase his.

There was so much energy coursing through both of your bodies that it could charge your dying phone on the floor right now.

“It’s okay baby, you’re almost- shit, you’re almost there,” he grunted weakly as he continued fucking into your walls with his fingers at your clit, his own eyes closing at how good your tightness felt around him.

You never heard yourself sound like this before, getting all whiny just as he whispered the words “Come for me” against your neck, sealing the space with a kiss and retreating his hand from your core, holding you in place as your orgasm hit like a flood.

You were squirming so much, walls pulsating like a drum as he kissed you down, your hands finally being brave enough to grip at his hair while he rode out your high.

You could tell that he didn’t finish inside you, but he was nice enough to slow down and not fuck you completely stupid.

“I can’t even believe we just did that,” you mumbled mindlessly, eyes staring back at him as he started to gently caressed your cheek.

“Wasn’t too bad for a quickie though, right?,” he asked jokingly while still inside you, not quite yet ready to pull out of your comforting warmth.

To say goodbye to the you he brought out in this sex-filled space.

“No… it wasn’t bad at all,” you smiled back, words sounding somewhere in between a shocking realization and sincere compliment.

“Then I guess that means we can look forward to doing this more often-”

“Heeseung-”

“Kidding,” he whispered softly, meeting your lips in one last kiss before leaning back up to adjust his pants, “now let’s get you cleaned up and ready for home before your mom has me crucified.”

“Okay,” you said while laughing slightly until he pulled out of you, your legs trembling a bit from the missing fullness.

From the feeling in his chest, Heeseung came to fully accept that he was 110% in love with you, not giving a flying fuck about the naysayers who’d disapprove of your now-even-more-complicated friendship.

You on the other hand, came to realize that Heeseung was worth much more than being judged by a bunch of hypocrites, and that you now had the courage to make a lot of your own decisions now, even if they’re solely for the sake of pleasure.

”Still,” you continued, watching as he stood up from the ground to grab a pack of wipes from his desk, “I just remembered that I locked my bedroom window when I left.”

“That’s a good thing, right?” He asked while parting your legs, wiping your sweaty thighs down with your panties hunched up in his other hand.

You admired the view of him cleaning you up with adoration flooding your heart, your limbs letting themselves relax as feathery words fell from your lips, “It means I might have to spend the night at your place for a little longer…”

Fin…

♱ Thank you beyond words to everyone reading this right now! I teased the release of this fic a while ago but ended up changing almost everything that I’d originally written because it was kinda shitty 🥴 but hopefully you all enjoyed this fic anyway! Also, masterlist is here !!

♱ tag list: @fakeuwus @adeoluhh @zerasari @anonant @yaatrickyaaa @depressedandobsessed666 @woninluv @moonshoon @imjakes-wifeofc1 @heesbee @kaykay11sworld @wannieepisod @ilikekpop-c @heesoo11 @idkdykilr @seungjiseyo @nctislifue @ro-diaries @heesushiii @jakehooni @babygirlmarshmellow @jaysdze @princeseung @flowerbe0m @skzenhalove @rayofsunshineeee @wonsbaer @namdeyuoi @tasnim10 @cheruluv @squoxle @nikisvanillaccola @wonbinisbabygurl @addictedtohobi @yourmomscuntis2tighy @ashgonedash

[starkwlkr]

the perfect dad | lewis hamilton

warnings: child loss, depression, online hate (if these topics are sensitive to you, please don’t read, your health is much more important!!)

The day Y/n and Lewis met, it felt magical, those were her exact words. It was 2008, a year after his F1 debut. Y/n, at the time, didn’t know anything about the sport other than the cars go really fast and there’s a world champion every year. She worked as a presenter alongside Natalie Pinkham. It took one interview for Lewis Hamilton to fall in love with Y/n L/n. After their interview, Lewis asked her out and from then on, they were named the paddock’s it couple.

Their relationship was made public after Lewis won his first championship and kissed Y/n on live tv. It became a regular occurrence for them. After every race win, Lewis would be interviewed by his girlfriend and interrupt her for a kiss.

The year was 2011 and after three years of dating, Lewis had proposed to Y/n and of course she said yes. The wedding was small with only close family and friends attending. Their perfect family was slowly forming and that’s all they could ever hope for.

Five months after the wedding, Y/n and Lewis found out the incredible news. They were going to be parents to a little boy or girl. Lewis immediately started buying baby related items and asked his father and brother for help on the nursery even if Y/n had no visible bump yet.

“We’re going to be parents!” Lewis kissed Y/n’s lips as he held the pregnancy test in his hands.

“The baby is going to be so loved.” Y/n smiled.

Everything was going perfectly fine. Y/n and Lewis went to all the checkups, Y/n read any books in order to prepare while Lewis dealt with baby proofing their entire house. They were more than ready for Baby Hamilton.

When the day finally came, Y/n was scared. She held onto Lewis’ hand tightly as the doctors and nurses motivated her to push. Her body ached and sweat began to form on her face.

“You can do this, love, you’re the strongest woman I know. Think about our little baby. They’ll be here soon.” Lewis whispered in her ear then gave her a kiss.

“Lew, I’m tired.” Y/n replied, breathing heavily.

“I know and I’m so sorry I can’t take your pain away. You can do this, Y/n, just a few more pushes.” Lewis said.

It felt like forever, but Baby Hamilton had finally arrived, the only problem was that neither Y/n or Lewis heard any baby cries. Y/n looked over at Lewis, who was just as confused as his wife.

“Where’s our baby, Lewis? I can’t hear them.” Y/n started to sit up, but the nurses told her calm down and sit back down. “No, I want my baby. Where are you taking them?”

Lewis instantly knew what had happened. Baby Hamilton didn’t even take their first breath. Lewis took his wife into his arms and let her cry as the doctors took their baby away.

“Our baby. . .” Y/n sobbed as Lewis held her. His heart had broken into millions of pieces. Why did it have to happen to him and Y/n?

For six months, Y/n stayed in her and Lewis’ room. She became a stranger. She skipped out races making the media believe that her and Lewis had divorced. Everytime a friend or family member reached out to her, she would push them away. Lewis tried his hardest to talk to her, but she would either kick him out of their room or leave the house then return an hour later.

It was supposed to be Baby Hamilton’s seventh month when Lewis finally got Y/n out of the house. Y/n had apologized to her husband for pushing him away when they were both grieving the loss of their baby.

“Baby Hamilton is with us always.” Lewis showed Y/n a tattoo that he had recently gotten last weekend. It was Baby Hamilton’s birth date along with a tiny heart. The tattoo was on his wrist so whenever he missed his child, which was often, he looked down at the ink and remember them.

“I love you, Lewis.”

After their talk, Y/n and Lewis got changed and dressed to go out to a restaurant to eat. It wasn’t one of those fancy ones that Lewis took Y/n whenever it was an birthday or anniversary or just because he felt like it. It was a small restaurant that sold vegan food that both Lewis and Y/n loved so much.

“Taste this,” Y/n held up her sandwich for Lewis to taste. He took one bite and stole the sandwich from Y/n’s hands. “Hey! You ordered the wrap!”

“But this one tastes good too! I’ll order you another one, love.” Lewis got up and walked to the counter to order another sandwich. While he was gone, Y/n could hear camera clicks and saw flashing lights from the corner of her eye. Paparazzi had found them. Of course every celebrity hated paparazzi, but Y/n absolutely despised them.

She felt uncomfortable as her body had obviously changed from the pregnancy and from her not taking good care of it after. She tried to ignore it, but soon some paparazzi had yelled out her name. It was impossible to ignore now.

“Y/n! You look different! Tell Lewis to order you more food, you look skinny!”

That was all it took for her to start crying.

When Lewis returned, he saw the paparazzi outside. “Let’s go home, come on.” He said and took off his hoodie. He gave the hoodie to Y/n and as she put it on, he asked a waiter for boxes to take their food home. “Ignore them, we’ll be home soon.”

As they left the restaurant, the paparazzi got more pictures of Y/n hiding her face from the camera. It was clear that she had lost tons of weight after the pregnancy. As Lewis opened the car door for her, a man called out for Y/n once again.

“Mate, fuck off.” Lewis said and walked to his side of the car. On their way home, Y/n ranted to Lewis about how the paparazzi makes her feel and him being the best husband, he listened to every word she had to say.

When they arrived home, Y/n walked into the house, Lewis slowly followed her. He was picturing them coming home from lunch of dinner with Baby Hamilton in a stroller. That was his version of a great day.

“It’s too quiet here, Lew. I don’t like it.” Y/n sighed.

“I know, I’m sorry.” Lewis grabbed her hand and together they walked to their shared bedroom. Baby Hamilton’s nursery was right across from their bedroom. It remained untouched ever since Lewis and his father finished painting the walls and installing the furniture.

“We are going to get through this, Lewis Hamilton. I know we are.” Y/n faced her husband.

A new year came and so did new changes. Y/n still remained with returned back to work with Sky Sports F1 and Lewis was still with Mercerdes. After every race, Lewis would look down at his wrist and see the date that belonged to Baby Hamilton.

“Well Lewis, it’s been a hectic week for you, where to start, but firstly I want to ask about something the fans noticed you’ve been doing at every race and that is you kiss your wrist before getting into your car. Is there any meaning behind that?” A lady from ESPN asked him during the Monza Grand Prix.

“There is a meaning and it’s something only my wife and I know about. It’s something to represent that my child, who is now looking down at me, is always with me. It’s to represent that no matter what, I’m always going to be their dad.” Lewis proudly stated.

Y/n watched from a tv inside the Mercedes hospitality as her husband was being interviewed. The couple had talked about announcing Baby Hamilton before since during the pregnancy, no one other than close friends and family knew. Lewis wanted to make sure Y/n was okay with announcing it before anything else.

After Lewis was done with his interview, the tv changed to another interview happening live. Y/n knew it would be a while before Lewis returned so she went onto twitter to distract her mind, which was the wrong move.

Her name was trending after the paparazzi photos of her and Lewis were finally posted. Mean twitter users were pointing out how skinny and tired she looked.

formula1facts this is hamilton’s wife?😂

paddockinsider someone give her a burger

lolurnotmichaelschumacher Lewis finds her attractive?? get this man glasses or something

Her mentions were all about her body. Every single one of them were how she had changed. Without thinking, she went to her settings and pressed the ‘delete account’ option.

Y/n and Lewis continued with their lives, occasionally having breakdowns when they remembered how their child was taken from them too soon. But that didn’t mean Y/n and Lewis stopped calling themselves parents. They were still a mom and a dad, their child was just waiting for them in the sky.

One day, Lewis had the bright idea to bring up a solution to the quietness in their house. A dog. The couple was laying in bed in a hotel since the Singapore Grand Prix was just a few days away.

“A dog? Are you sure we’re ready to have a dog? We travel like crazy and who would take care of them when you and I can’t?” Y/n asked.

“Dad could or we could just bring them on the road with us. Everyone loves dogs.” Lewis said.

“Something tells me you already have one in mind. Did you adopt a dog and didn’t tell me?” Y/n chuckled.

“Not really. But I can ask around.”

Lewis did just that. Eventually he did find the perfect dog for him and his wife. After the 2013 season ended, Lewis took a well needed vacation with Y/n where he would surprise her with their dog. When Y/n met the dog, she was in love.

“What their name?” Y/n asked as she scratched the dog’s belly.

“Roscoe.”

Roscoe became a family member. He wasn’t ‘just a dog’. He traveled with Lewis and Y/n, ate with them, slept on their bed. He was their second child. A few months after adopting Roscoe, Coco came into their lives. Both Y/n and Lewis treated the dogs as if they were their own kids because in a way, they were.

Often Lewis would show Roscoe and Coco the ultrasound pictures of Baby Hamilton and would tell them how excited he was to be a dad. Y/n would smile so much as how Lewis talked to their dogs. It didn’t matter if they were a dog or an actual baby, Lewis Hamilton was the perfect dad.

[enhafilthandfiction]

Enhypen Last Friday Night 🎡🍷

A/N : Was listening to Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F) by Katy Perry and got his idea lmaooo : what enhypen do on Friday nights

Pairing : Enhypen X Fem!Reader

Warnings : Suggestive, kissing, making out, drinking, hickeys, grinding, streaking, skinny dipping, and i think that's it

Word Count : 870 Words

Masterlist

» Lee Heeseung « "There's a stranger in my bed"

A hot stranger too, none other that Lee Heeseung. You probably met him during the party, but he was just so irresistible and hot that your lips found his in an instant, without even getting his name. The more you grinded against each other, the more desperate you both got, you grabbing his arm and leading him out of the crowd, taking him upstairs to your bedroom. Things probably got heated and you slept with him, despite not knowing him or his name. Which is why there's a stranger in your bed.

» Park Jay « "This a hickey or a bruise?"

Jay's probably the type to catch every girl's attention, which is why every party he goes to, there's girls throwing themselves at him. You didn't know that he came to your party last Friday, but when you saw him, you knew what everyone was talking about. You don't even know how you started kissing him, pushing him on a random couch before climbing on his lap and straddling him. You pulled away from the messy kiss just to kiss along his jaw and neck, knowing you're going to leave marks. He groaned as he felt you gently nip his neck, knowing you're marking him. And he was right. The next morning he woke up and as he freshened up in the mirror, he noticed all the hickeys you left. "This a hickey or a bruise? Oh, It's just a birthmark"

» Sim Jake « "We went streaking in the park, skinny-dipping in the dark"

No doubt that Jake, the cute, daring guy gets bored at the party. Which is why last Friday, he convinced you to leave the party and go streaking "It's dark anyway" he had said, finally convincing you. He took your hand, running to the nearest park which had a lake nearby. As you settled behind a tree, you two stripped naked before running down to the lake where you skinny-dipped. Thankfully no people were around to see two naked teenagers running around the park with no clothes on. As you made it to the lake, he pushed you in before joining you, splashing around in the water. It wasn't long before he pressed his lips onto yours in the dark, interlacing hands in the water. Maybe streaking in the park and skinny-dipping in the dark wasn't so bad after all.

» Park Sunghoon « "and we took too many shots"

Yepp, Sunghoon is the guy to have a high drinking tolerance and using it to his advantage when playing drinking games. His favourite is playing beer pong against you, knowing that he was better and you'd have to take multiple shots, a little too many shots. He loved seeing you in your drunk state, while he seemed not affected. He loves how drunk you laughs at every one of his jokes even his dad jokes which you claimed to be stupid. He loved how you messily tried to make out with him, loving the taste of alcohol on your tongue. It's not Friday night if you don't get drunk with Sunghoon.

» Kim Sunoo « "Pictures of last night ended up online"

Getting drunk with Sunoo and him taking a bunch of pictures of you or with you, unconsciously posting them online for everyone (including your parents) to see. Sitting with you in an empty corner where you two laugh about things and gossip even with drunk mindsets. He whips out his phone and open the camera, taking selfies of you two making funny faces and possibly even French kissing. When you're finally sober, you wonder how the pictures of last night ended up online, realising it was Sunoo and making a mental note to take his phone next time.

» Yang Jungwon « "Think we kissed, but I forgot"

You tend to get pretty drunk on a Friday night, especially at a party that you know Jungwon's going to be at. You remember meeting him and starting to chat before the alcohol kicks in and you don't really know what happened and what you did with him. He was definitely hot and you remember dancing with him, his hands on your hips as you sway to the music. You also think you kissed but you forgot, not really knowing, but assuming. Guess you're going to have to stalk Sunoo's insta for pictures.

» Nishimura Riki « "Yeah, we danced on table tops"

Another boy who gets bored pt.2. But he doesn't want to leave the party, so instead he makes it a fun party. He convinces you to join two tables together before he climbed on one of them and started dancing, everyone looking at him as he showed off his amazing moves. You decided to join him and he pulled you up, making you dance with him until he decided you're going to have a dance battle on the table tops. But it wasn't fair, he already had a small fan group of drunk teens who liked his dancing and you couldn't compete. You weren't the best at dancing, but you ended up dancing on table tops just for him.

Hello!! I hope you enjoyed reading and got the point of the lyrics thingy! Anyway, have a good day/night and remember that ily! <333

[morallyinept]

THE GIFT - A Marcus Pike Christmas One Shot

Summary: Marcus buys you a naughty Christmas gift that you wear to his parents' Christmas lunch, and you both find it hard to stay composed at the dinner table.

Pairing: Husband!Marcus Pike x Wife!Reader (No name or physical description of reader. It’s you, bub. Images just for aesthetic, no reference to Reader.)

Word Count: 5.1k

Scoville Smut Rating: 🌶️🌶️🌶️ "You tell me I'm doing well, and then, you try to kill me."

Check out my Scoville Smut Ratings here.

Warnings/triggers - Established relationship/unprotected PIV (wrap up, folks!)/fingering/oral both M & F receiving/use of sex toys/slight edging

NSFW. MINORS DNI! OVER 18’s ONLY. YOU ARE SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT YOU READ. ☝🏻Don’t come at me; you’ve been plenty warned.

If this story isn't for you, that's fine. Just slip quietly out the back door. No need to make a fuss. It's just a work of fiction.

Author’s Note: I hope you enjoy your Christmas gift from Agent Pike... 😉

Tagging @secretelephanttattoo as Pike is her husband 🖤

12 DAYS OF XXX-MAS MASTERLIST | MAIN MASTERLIST

Enjoy & Happy Holidays! 🎄🖤

She’s been more than accommodating with his indecisive dithering; showing him the full range, even the ones on sale, giving him recommendations. He’ll be sure to leave her a tip. 

“Would you like this gift wrapped, sir?” The assistant behind the counter asks him rather jauntily.

Her thick, fluttery eyelashes bat at him constantly, and he nods in response with a restrained, yet polite, smile fed back to her. 

Marcus fishes his wallet out of his back pocket, looking around the racy store carefully with darting brown eyes. He’s more aware of his surroundings than he’s been in a very long time.  

Watching over his broad shoulders and scoping out whether anyone would recognise him. Any of his colleagues from the FBI who happen to be in the mall Christmas shopping for their significant others too.

He’d skulked along the shelves of various intimidating dildos and vibrators with his leather jacket collar pulled up as far as humanly possible, as though he were incredibly bad at being undercover, despite years of experience behind him.

Although, that probably wasn’t the wisest idea; he imagined he looked more like some questionable miscreant with a penchant for phallic perversion, but he had little choice if he didn’t want to stand out.

He probably should have done this online, as he stood at the shelves looking incredibly out of his depth and sweating somewhat.

Marcus now hands the helpful assistant his credit card with two thick fingers, and she rings him up before handing him the bag containing the gift he’s purchased.

But the shop assistant got him talking - like they always do and you don’t realise you’re spilling intimate, sexy-time secrets about what freaky things you like to do in the bedroom, to a complete stranger as if you’re being subtly interrogated with some crafty questioning techniques - and then, she was handing him different contraptions and gadgets to press buttons on and watch whirl around and pump lewdly in his reddening face, until he found the perfect one. 

She even threw in a free cock ring and some lube. And he didn't really quite know what to say to that generosity, other than a muttered and sheepish thanks.

“Thanks for your help,” Marcus says as he leaves. 

“No problem. Have a Merry Christmas, sir.” She replies with a knowing wink before serving the person waiting patiently behind him.

Marcus keeps the gift covertly hidden in the house in the days leading up to Christmas, and when you aren’t looking, he sneaks it under the tree with the rest of the gifts, grinning like a madman who’s just discovered the Holy Grail of sexual weaponry.

Deapite the heat engulfing his face and neck, he’s excited about how you’ll react when you open it on Christmas morning, and admittedly so is his cock at the thought; it’s been hardening uncomfortably since he stepped in the adult store.

But he keeps himself composed and manages to slink out back to the car undetected. But not before another indulgent purchase from Victoria's Secret for you. The credit card has certainly been flexed.

On the morning of Christmas Day, Marcus rouses you awake in bed with warm, snuggly kisses. Soft and sleepy, his long limbs wrap your body up in a Pike web that you can’t, and don’t want, to untangle yourself from, as he slips his hard length inside you and gives you the first of many gifts today - a slow, intense love making session to start the day off with a bang.

Fucking you into the headboard as you both claw and grasp at one another as the chemistry between you ignites into a heat that suffocates you. You're kissing over his shoulders as he nips at your neck, buried deep inside of you and whimpering in your ear.

Your first Christmas morning together as a newly married couple, months after your memorable honeymoon in Antigua, and you still can’t get enough of one another.  

“Best present ever,” you pant into his hot mouth as he makes you see stars through a bed-head spinning orgasm that pulls you fully from your sleep and launches you face first into the sun.

"Just you wait..." He grins into your face.

After you’ve showered and gotten dressed ready for Christmas lunch that’s planned in the afternoon with Marcus’ parents - after struggling to keep your hands off one another in the process; he just looks so damn good with a towel wrapped low around his waist as he shaves - you walk into the lounge putting in your earrings.

You find Marcus on the floor reaching for the additional gift he’s purchased for you, from under the tree.

Marcus nods his head. “The dresser. In the ceramic bowl.” 

“Have you seen my bracelet?” You ask him as you fasten the earrings, your eyes scanning over the coffee table for it.

Another thoughtful and special gift from Marcus from early on in your relationship when you began dating. You rarely take it off, but when you do you’re always hunting for it.

You smile, remembering. “What would I do without you?” You swoon at him. 

“Crash and burn.” He stands up, holding the neatly wrapped gift out to you. “Here.”

“What’s this?” You ask him, stunned.

“It’s a Christmas present, d’uh.” Marcus smirks, rolling his richly cocoa eyes and chuckling.

“No, I mean this.” You say tugging gently at the hem of his sweater and smiling. The colour palette is reminiscent of the natural tones found in Nordic landscapes - cool blues, forest greens, and snowy whites. It has a slightly chunky knit to the wool, giving it a warm and substantial feel across your fingers, and he looks incredibly snug in it.

“It’s a Christmas sweater.” He says.

“Cute.” Smiling, you take the gift from him. “It even has reindeers.” 

“I like it.” He says, smoothing it down over his torso. “Apparently so did my mom.”

You snicker. “I thought we weren’t going to do gifts until we got to your parents?” You question.

You shake the box and raise your eyebrows at him curiously.

“I don’t think you’ll want to open this one in front of everyone.” Marcus remarks, tucking his hands inside his pants pockets, channelling an innocent, little boy aura about him.

His cheeks are already flushing pink under the crinkles of his eyes. 

“It’s not maracas.”

“Boo.” You mock pout.

“Open it.” Marcus gently instructs with a beaming smile.

You unpeel the gold wrapping paper with a matching curly bow, scrunching it up inside your hand, and a black velvet box is revealed to you. You pull the satin ribbon from around it and lift off the lid.

“Urm-” You start to smirk and then giggle, as you look up at him with wide, sparkly eyes.

His big brown peepers are glittery too; mischievous looking as he stares back at you.

“Well,” you say, astonished, as you pull out the contents; two shiny, egg-shaped balls attached together with nylon string. 

“Oh, you did, did you?” You’re failing to stifle your own devilish grin.

“I thought maybe you could wear them today.” Marcus says, stepping closer to you and running his hands up and down your arms.

A tingling sensation blooms when he does it, that starts at the nape of your neck and travels all the way down your spine to settle in your coccyx; your nipples wake up, stiffening inside your bra.

“Mhm.” His hands fall to your waist.

“How presumptuous.” Your eyes fall to his lips, shiny and pink when he licks over them.

“Very,” he nods, coming closer, “in fact I insist on it.” Marcus kisses your lips gently, but the kiss lingers and stirs up that wanton passion again as it flares through the slats in your rib cage and drips into your panties.

Moaning into his mouth, you wrap your hands around the back of his neck, dizzy by the intoxicating scent of his cologne; the velour box falling to the floor and the love eggs dangling precariously from your fingers.

He slips his tongue in and you groan, feeling how hard he is as he presses you against him, squeezing at your ass with some heated fervour.

“Put them in,” Marcus whispers in a heated gasp.

“Now?”

“Now,” he nods “let me.” He takes them from your hand; his long, thick fingers getting tangled in yours for a moment and stroking them fondly.

You smile, glancing at the platinum wedding band around his finger that matches yours, save for a tiny diamond, and wondering how you got so lucky to have this man keep surprising and tantalising you like this. 

His touch burns, heating the blood in your veins as it flows around your limbs; fanning the sparks between your thighs, and his fingers are soft and nimble around your own.

Marcus crouches down in front of you and pushes your skirt up and is presented with black, lacy panties that makes him salivate. Kissing slowly up your thighs, he runs his nose against your damp seam and inhales deep; the scent of you already beginning to turn him out.

You place your hands on his shoulders as he kisses you again, standing, and he walks you backwards to the sofa.

The tingles persist in flooding your spine, spreading into your core and making it throb and ache. You tussle gently with his tongue and the sound of his groans make you shudder and melt.

“Lean back, gorgeous.” Marcus pushes your shoulder gently until you’re laying back on your elbows.

You put your foot on his shoulder as he kneels down, his face level with your pussy. He plants gentle, delicate kisses inside your thighs again, eyeing you with those deep, rich browns as he smooches, trailing ghostly over your skin and eliciting streams of goosebumps.

His fingers pull the lace of your panties aside to reveal the wet flesh of your lips. He leans in and kisses you there; swiping his tongue up and down slowly, tasting that you’re exceedingly wet for him already.

“Mmm,” you drone, reaching for his head and running your hands through his hair and messing those styled spikes up. 

He tastes that sweet honey of you on the end of his tongue as he dives in a little deeper, teasing your hole before sucking gently on your clit.

“Marcus,” you whine, throwing your head back, your thighs already begging to shake. “God, if you start this now, we’re going to be late…” You groan, unable to contain yourself from fisting through his hair and pulling him closer to you now with a sharp tug. 

He doesn’t let up however, sucking harder as he slips his fingers inside of you, pumping in and out gently. 

“Oh God, baby,” you shudder as he curls upwards, stroking against your spot with precision. 

He can’t help himself but to taste you, tuning into your gasping, heated breaths. Despite your words about being late, you want it, you want him; your husband’s mouth on your pussy licking and sucking all over it. 

“Please, please, please…” you barely whisper, the words getting lost inside your throaty gasps. It feels so good, building and brewing as he licks and fingers you deep.

Marcus reaches up massaging your breast over your sparkly top as he flicks his tongue against your clit faster.

“Fuck, Marcus!” You cry.

“Right there, baby. Right there… Mmm, yeah!" The air above you seems to shimmer with some intangible energy as your eyes roll back; a lightheaded euphoria enveloping you like a gossamer veil.

Your hands grip onto the sofa cushioning beneath you as you squirm and buck into his mouth. 

The tingles are now millions of luminescent butterflies beating their wings against your skin, leaving trails of warmth and vivacious joy in their wake. Your body winds tight, centering in on your core, on the cusp of snapping back. 

“Come for me,” he murmurs to you, glancing up adoringly to watch you as he latches onto your clit again. 

“Yes! Yes!” You pant. Your thighs shake and he can taste you as you flood his mouth.

Marcus loves watching you come; enjoys that breathy giggle that puffs out of you when it gets a little too much as he licks softly around your overstimulated clit.

Loves the way your voice falters on a soft moan when he enters you, sliding deep. Loves the way you press your clammy forehead against his as you ride him, telling him how good he feels inside you.

Loves how his own voice whimpers, like he could just cry, before he comes; his brows furrowing, mouth open as he lets those little weakened pants pelt you face as he fills you up.

Loves how you’ll put on one of his shirts, pulling it out from the laundry hamper because it smells like him and you want to bathe in that scent, as you go about your business around the house doing chores.

He loves how you’ll let him lift the hem up and slip inside you as you do something mundane like wash the dishes up whilst he’s still in his suit from work, finding you sexy as hell in his crumpled shirt as he fucks his beautiful wife against the sink before you even say hello, how was your day to one another.

Marcus pulls his head back, lips shiny and smirks up at you.

“You’re incorrigible,” you say, catching your breath. 

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” Marcus grins, wiping his lips with his thumb “but I didn’t hear you complaining just then.”

“Oh, I’ll never complain when you do that.” You giggle. 

“These’ll go in much easier now.” 

“Uh-huh, so that’s why, hmm?”

He simply purses his lips in a coy smirk. You watch keenly as he pushes the first egg against your swollen lips and slips it inside you. You moan out as it fills you, and he then pops the other one inside. 

“How do they feel?”

“Cold.” You say, smiling as he slides your panties back into place.

“They’ll warm up.” He remarks and kisses your cheek affectionately.

Marcus takes your hands and pulls you upright on your feet and you gasp as you feel them move and press against spongy parts deep inside you. 

“This is… new.” You titter as you smooth down your skirt of the creases. You don’t have time to iron it now. 

Marcus watches you go in search of your bracelet, but you suddenly stop and jolt, gasping out like you’ve been electrocuted on the stairs. 

“Oh my God!” You clutch your lower abdomen; pussy tingling on the inside and a deep pulling feeling can be felt as you feel the eggs vibrate wildly.

Marcus chuckles, pulling his phone out of his pants pocket and waving it at you. “They’re wireless too.”

“Oh, you play dirty, Agent.” 

He presses the screen again and a delicious buzzing is felt deep emanating through your core as you groan.

“We’re going to have a great day!” Marcus croons devilishly, through a wide grin.

Inside the car on the way to his parents’ house for Christmas lunch, you’re driving - offering to do it so he can have a few wines if he wants to - when you feel that yummy feeling zap through you once more.

You swerve a little, completely not expecting it at all.

“Are you trying to kill us?” You muse to Marcus who's grinning and laughing like a man who holds all the power. 

“How does it feel?” He asks through a side glance and rubbing your thigh affectionately.

“Frustrating.” You say, biting down on your lip and wanting nothing more than to pull over and straddle him.

Marcus simply smirks as he looks out the windscreen as you both approach his parent’s home, pulling up on the large driveway.

Inside, the house is already bustling with his family crowded in. His father is well on the way to being fully inebriated, and his booming voice greets you both as he bundles you through the door into the hall. 

He leans in to kiss you on the cheeks and you almost jump out of your skin as Marcus does it again, sending your body erratic with jolts from the vibrations inside your pussy.

You narrowly miss headbutting his father. 

You clench your thighs together, trying to greet his father like a normal person and not one who is on the brink of screaming out X-rated curses.

You shoot Marcus a frantic look, but he simply grins back as he follows you into the lounge, but not before giving your butt a quick, naughty slap. You feel the eggs jostle around inside you as he does it.

Holy shit!

Lunch is long. Really long. Never ending and incredibly hair-pulling and frustratingly long.

You’re digging into your plate when you jerk or kick out suddenly like your limbs are being pulled in odd directions. You throw Marcus a heated glance opposite you and he’s smiling as he brings his fork up to eat.

Oh, he thinks he’s so fucking clev-

You knock your wine glass off the table and cringe when it smashes all over the floor when he sets it off again.

It’s met by rowdy, drunken cheers from Marcus’ father, but you shoot an embarrassed and somewhat uneasy look at Marcus, who is simply sat back in his chair, seated next to his mother, in very similar Nordic festive sweaters, sipping from his own glass casually, with his hand in his pocket on that infernal phone.

Even your thoughts are cut short by the continuous zapping and buzzing that makes you jump and flinch further.

He lets it buzz for short bursts and then follows with a drawn out long one, like Morse Code inside your pussy. You’re in the midst of a deep conversation with his mother later, when he leaves it on inside his pocket.

He catches your wide-eyed, panic stricken face as he puts both his hands back on the table and they’re void of any phone.

Please no!

“Are you alright?” His mother asks you tentatively, putting her wispy hand on your shoulder, and you nod quickly.

“Uh-huh. Too much, uh wine,” you brush off shakily. “I’m driving. Shouldn't have any-m-more.” You stutter, feeling the heat lick at your collarbone.

“I’ll get you some water.” She offers.

“No! No… I’ll go,” you all but squeak, and excuse yourself into the kitchen, biting down on your lip so hard it could burst and bleed.

Running your hands under the cold tap, you pat them around the back of your neck to cool yourself, working through the vibrations inside you that are unrelenting.

You breathe in and out slowly, eyes rolling back into your head at how good it feels.

Oh fuck, fuck...

You feel hands snake their way around your waist; the scent of Marcus’ familiar cologne fucking you further up as he plants a sensuous kiss on the side of your neck.

Lips trailing up towards your lobe before he sucks on it, his breath warming the conch of your ear. 

“Marcus... I... can’t... please,” you beg; your head in a tizz, legs buckling and your pussy on the cusp of a complete meltdown.

“Having fun?” Marcus whispers.

“Ah...” you whine, nuzzling into him as his arm wraps around your waist pulling you tight against him.

“I’m gonna… come,” your hands grip on the sink as your body shudders and your pussy clenches.

You can feel the eggs, all tingly, making your vision become blurry as you tumble and get dizzier in the process. 

“You wanna come?” Marcus husks. You feel his lips nip a little harder on your lobe.

“Yes… Oh God.”

Just as you’re there, about to take that leap off the edge and free fall into sweet, sweet oblivion, he turns it off. 

Your head snaps around to him quickly.

“Are you kidding me?!” You hiss, careful not to let anyone hear.

You can only watch him simply saunter out of the kitchen with a grin, leaving you about ready to murder him with whatever dirty ladle or pan you can reach for in the sink.

Fuck!

“Stop. I feel like my pussy has Tourettes!” You hiss at him covertly, and Marcus simply chuckles darkly at you. 

Marcus does it again a little later, winding your coil tighter until you’re about ready to snap.

He observes you wringing your hands and trying your best to stay composed as you flit around everyone; trying not to stay too long around them because of your constant mad flinching. 

You remove the eggs a little while later as you use the bathroom, staring down at them as they vibrate on the sink. Somewhat pleased with yourself that he’s pressed the app somewhere downstairs and doesn’t know that they’re not inside you at this precise moment.

You wonder whether you should put them back in; feeling wrought and severely wound up from him subjecting you to this all day, but then you rationale that it’s the whole point.

Surely he’s brought them for this reason and they’re a gift, after all. A teasing, edging gift.

Sighing and giggling, you put them back in, one leg up on the toilet seat, and slip them back inside; your fingers grazing against your sensitive and aching clit, and just as you think you’ll give yourself a little touch - relieve yourself of some of the tension - they buzz again and you almost fall backwards onto your ass, clattering against the towel rail.

Shit!

As you open the bathroom door, Marcus is standing on the other side smirking at you.

You push him against the wall and kiss him, trying to distract him whilst you fish inside his pocket for that infernal phone of his.

He laughs and grips a hold of your hands, stopping you from finding it.

“No you don’t.” He teases as he pushes you against the opposite wall. Your back hits it with a gentle thud.

“Marcus!” You gasp, whining and struggling against him as he clamps around your wrists with ease.

You try to latch onto his lips desperately again, but this time he denies you, realising your sly distraction techniques

“Please. I can’t bear it anymore.” You growl, your hands fumbling against his. 

“Look at you, all wound up.” Marcus teases with that pert, pink grin splayed across his mouth.

“Please, baby. Let me come!” You plead, pulling at his festive sweater desperately, and with actual tears threatening to spill as they glisten in your lined eyes.

“Look at you, so needy,” he exclaims with a husky growl, holding onto your arms as you try to rub yourself against him.

He’s inherently proud of his purchase, because it’s reduced you to this - begging - and he decides instantly he likes this. He’s so incredibly aroused by it; his cock is straining out of his slacks to get to you.

“Please, Marcus... I need you.” You mewl again, on the verge of howling. “Fuck me. Please. Please!" You whine with a choked sob.

Marcus looks up and down the hall and then grabs you by the hand pulling you along hurriedly. He opens up a door further down the hall and bundles you inside.

“Beg me to fuck you again,” Marcus hisses, before he grazes his lips against yours. “Tell me you want me. You want my cock.” He gasps against your lips.

“Fuck me, Marcus,” you breathe “please, I need you!” You splutter.

“Beg for my cock, baby.” He licks into your mouth. He thrusts his hips against yours making you feel it. 

“Please, give me your cock,” you say, pelting his lips with yours and gasping. “I want it. I need your cock, baby.”

“Hard?” He suggests to you with a grunt inside his voice.

“Oh, you better fuck me so hard!” You warn, excitedly.

Marcus wrenches up your skirt and takes a handful of your ass inside his hands as he kisses you clumsily. Both your lips mash together in a messy, rabid tussle as you grin and giggle.

You feel him tug down your panties as you unzip his pants frantically with shaky hands. 

You can feel his fingers reaching into your sopping pussy, pulling out the love eggs. He plops them on the bed and circles your clit with his thumb.

He pushes you on the bed; you pull off your top, revealing your bra and he goes for the straps freeing your breasts to topple out and into his mouth. He sucks and bites on your nipple making you yelp.

You run your hands through his hair, messing it up again before you tug on it, making him groan.

“Marcus, please…” you pant as he lines himself up with you. “Please, fuck me.”

Groaning, he pushes his cock up inside of you, hard like you want, in a deep shunt. It takes your breath away. He does it again, settling into a heavy pace as you squeal into the thick wool of his sweater, practically a mouth full of it. 

“God, you’re so wet... soaked, baby,” he moans with glee as his cock is utterly coated with you, lewdly squelching into you. “You like your gift, hmm?”

You cry out in agreement, a little louder than he would like, and he places his swamping hand over your mouth, chuckling.

“Sssh,” he smirks at you as he works his hips.

“I don’t care if they hear us!” You muffle at him. “You’ve been teasing the hell out of me all day.” 

“I have. I’ve enjoyed seeing you squirm.” He shunts upwards again, deliberately; his cock hitting all the right spots. 

“Oh God, you sadist.” You groan, gripping onto him. 

He chuckles as he thrusts faster. "Ah shit... you feel so good."

“Oh, Marcus!” You whine into his face as you release; your legs shaking and your neck straining.

Your cunt is already squeezing around him and it doesn’t take much to bring you to a quick, hard orgasm after keeping you on the cusp of it all damned day.

Drunk on that sweet, heady glow with a gritty dance into exhilaration and rebellion at finally getting what you so desperately want as your fingers twist and gnarl at his sweater.

“So beautiful when you come for me like this,” he grunts. 

Marcus watches in awe as you pant and grapple at him; your head lolling and eyes rolling into the back of your head as you flop further into the mattress beneath you after epically shuddering like you’ve had a seizure; tingling with an ebbing numbness that hints at the untamed energy coursing through your veins.

He places his hands on the bed either side of your head and slows his pace down after he gets you off, enjoying the feeling of you pulsating and ribbing around him during the crackled aftershocks of your big O moment.

“Ride me,” Marcus whispers salaciously to you.

He rolls, taking you with him and still inside you, until you’re on top. He unclips your bra, leaving you fully naked. You push his Christmas sweater up and run your hands over his stomach and toned chest, raking your nails over his tan skin.

His mouth parts, plush and full as he pants and bucks up as you wind your hips around him.

You push onto his chest with your hands and let your ass and hips do all the work as you ride him quicker and faster.

“Yeah baby, like that.” He grits, feeling your pussy pump him.

“You like that?” You grin. “Maybe I should just stop… give you a taste of your own medicine.”

“Don’t you fucking dare.” Marcus leans up into a biting kiss as you bend fully over him, riding his cock deeply as he pushes his hips up, meeting your rhythm.

“M-marcus...” You gasp into his face.

“God, I love you deep inside me like this,” you groan, finding your strength again.

“That feel good?” He asks you, knowing full well it does.

You love the feeling of him like this. After how he’s toyed with you all day so far, he wants to see you enjoy this, enjoy what he’s giving to you right now.

“Yeah?”

“Mhm. So good.” 

“So deep inside my beautiful wife.”

“Oh!” You groan. 

He strokes your face and kisses you before grunting out. “I’m close, baby.”

“I want it in my mouth."

“Yeah.” He agrees with a strain. 

Shuffling off of him quickly, you take his slick, wet cock inside your mouth and suck him hard.

“Shit!” Marcus pants, scooping your hair out of the way so he can watch you take him deep. You can taste yourself all around him, succulent and sweet. 

“Oh, you’re so good at that.” He breathes out with that brewing tremor in his voice. "Oh shit, I'm gonna come, baby."

You suck around him, pumping him with your hand as you feel him inflate and pulse before he shoots inside your mouth in quick, hot bursts.

You swallow it all down, moaning in satisfied delight.

“Jesus...” Marcus sighs out with a breathy chuckle, head flopping down onto the bed. His face is all red and sweaty.

He pulls you into his arms and lays back with you on the bed that you only now realise is a single bed.

You look around the room, listening to his heartbeat slow inside his rib cage as he winds strands of your hair around his fingers.

Inside the room is a small, single bed and shelves with old models and books on. There’s a desk and an old TV set, and various cans of deodorants and aftershaves adorn one of the shelves.

In one corner, there's a corkboard displaying a mix of academic achievements; sports medals highlighting achievements in various competitions at racquetball. 

“Who’s room is this?” You ask curiously.

“It’s mine,” Marcus replies, his hand stroking up and down your back leaving shuddery, cool goose pimples to birth. “Or it was back when I lived here.”

You sit up. “You’ve never shown me your old bedroom before.”

“I stayed here when I was training at the academy too.”

“How many girls did you sneak back in here?” You ask giggling.

Marcus chuckles. “I’m not telling you that.”

“Smooth.” You tease, winking and he laughs again.

He’s so inherently beautiful when he laughs; that dimple on show and an astonishingly natural ease spreads over his face. He looks the most comfortable he’s ever been in his whole life when he laughs. It changes his face; makes him beam brighter than the sun.

You reach up to his face and kiss those soft, pink lips of his with affectionate vigour. He wraps his arms around your back, crushing you into him as he whines softly into the kiss.

“Merry Christmas,” you whisper as you pull away, your mouth still inches from his.

“Merry Christmas, beautiful.” Marcus replies before swallowing you up once more in another lengthy, passionate kiss.

He wants nothing more than to stay right here, hidden away in his old bedroom with you, his stunning wife, naked and spread all over him.

But you’re both probably being missed downstairs and will face some questioning if you don’t re-appear soon.

You nod, smirking at him as you slip your shoes back on and straighten up your skirt, which will be evidence enough with how creased it is now, at what you've both been doing.

“So, did you like your gift?” Marcus enquires with a smirk as you dress a few minutes later.

He refuses to give you your panties back, and you watch as he slips them in his pocket cheekily. 

He scoops up the love eggs from the bed and puts them in his other pocket with his phone.

“I’ll wear them again.” You reply, nodding.

“Absolutely. I can think of a place...” He smooths down your crazy, fucked-out hair; his hands cupping either of your face. 

“Where?” You query with a brewing smirk.

“At the FBI’s New Year's Eve Ball next week.” Marcus states, winking at you.

12 DAYS OF XXX-MAS MASTERLIST | MAIN MASTERLIST

[italianpersonwithashippersheart]

Dead Friend Forever - Post Ep 8 Theory Recap

This has taken a few days because I wanted to get all my thoughts in order. This show continues to be amazing and it continues to make wheels spin in my head. I am very happy that more people are starting to watch this amazing show.

Firstly I wanted to shout out some amazing post I have seen since episode 8 came out:

First this post for all the people readings this that have not caught up with DFF and are worried about Triggers/Squicks and the horror stuff there is this post by @wen-kexing-apologist

This post about the argument between Non's parents by @fracturediron

This post analyzing the movie posters in Non and Jin's room and what that might mean for the plot @lukaherehelp and this other post about the posters here by @syrena-del-mar

These two posts by @mikuni14 here (which raises an important point I will eleborate on later) and here (about Non's fate, an opinion I share, aka Non is dead - Although I wouldn't personally put it past Dr Sammon to find a way to have kept him alive that makes sense, like @respectthepetty point out here both Dr Sammon and the Pit Babe writers are not strangers to a character being "dead" then revealed to be alive. Of course both writers have killed a character before, but under very different circumstances, so it's not like there is no hope at all)

And finally last but not least this theory about Tan being New that I find very interesting here by @tbhimnoteasyonmyself

Ok now onto my thoughts.

I wanted to take a moment to appriciate how nuanced the depiction of Non's breakdown was this episode. So many horror stories relay on mental illness and disability to make their killers scary or crazy or deformed, that I have been worried about how this story will use those aspect of Non going further. While those worries have not gone away completely. They have significantly calmed down.

The writing makes it really obvious that it wants us to root for Non, and wants us to be at his side, and it's also makes it very clear that Non's breakdown this episode was due to all the factors componding, the bullying, the thing with the mafia and the cops, the money, family pressure, the thing with the teacher, the thing with Phee, it all just came to a head together. The breakdown doesn't rely soley on his mental illness.

The next part I found very interesting this episode was the argument between the parents and the absense of Non's brother still.

I think the fact that we have not seen Non try to reach out to his brother for comfort at all makes me think that their parents (especially their Mom) different treatment of the two of them drove a wedge between them. Which is probably going to make New even more angry and guilty. @tbhimnoteasyonmyself pointed this out in his post and I agree I do not think New has been told about anything before Non went missing, and given the fact that he is abroad, he might have not have had the oppurtinity to come back before. Althought if he is in the USA then there should be a way for him to say to the University, my brother went missing I have to go back and be allowed to do that witouth a major impact on his school. So I am assuming he went back after Non was called missing. Either his parents caved and told him, or someone send him either the news or the video of his brother online and then he got his parents to tell him the truth.

I am very curious about his mental state and why he is being kept so secret. The fact that there are no pictures and Non doesn't talk about him can be explained by the extrangment in universe, but I am more curious about the narrative/out of universe benefits/reasons for introducing New so late in the game. If he is Tan then we lost valuable time with a memeber of the cast, and if he is not then that actor is going to have to work double time to sell us on his character in such a short ammount of time.

Which brings us to the big mysteries, the things I am most curious about besides New, which are 1) Why did it take them so long to get revenge? 2) How many killers are there, and what is their plan exactly?

Like @mikuni14 pointed out in the post I linked above, it seems really weird that it would take them 3 years to get to their revenge plan. It doesn't really feel like it would be all that complicated to get that bunch of boys drunk or high and get some information out of them. So why wait? What killed their momentum?

I read a post (that I can't find anymore sorry) talking about how Keng seem to be working for someone to get information on Tee's Uncle. And that got me thinking about the shot of the newspaper with the news about Tee's Uncle

Which I can't translate fully but seems to hint that the uncle is being investigated about money laundry.

So, what if whover was working with Keng (probably journalist) are helping Phee and New/Tan (writing them like that because I am not sure if they are the same person or not) investing their brother but in turn they have to help them with Tee's Uncle. I'll explain.

If my theory about three killers is correct, then New is going to be someone else, someone older. He and Phee are going to connect first. Then they are going to get caught snooping by whover is building a case against Tee's Uncle (I am leaning towards journalists, Dr. Sammon as used the investigative journalist characters before), in which case Tan could be working with this other person. And this person team (side not Perth, could be a member of this other team as well, he went from background in a shot to rubbing Tee's Uncle shoulders in the most recent episode) could coinvince Phee and New to help them, you help us with the this mafia guy we help you find out what happened to Non.

I think this theory works both with New being a third person and with Tan being the brother. It would just mean that they are getting helped by someone from this other team. I am voting for Perth because he has a connection to Tee and I have seen a lot of reactions video clips from the cast to various episodes and he is always with them, like he is playing an important role not just a random side character.

It could explain why it's taking them so long, they have to take out the Uncle first, he is the big shot, the real criminal, the one with the weapons. The one that actually knows what happened to Non. Which means that if he is dead, Phi and New might have just gotten confirmation on it, which would made them pretty damn angry. And it would mean that them asking questions to the boys was less about figuring out what they did and more get them to confess.

That is all I have for now. I really love how much this show is getting me to ask questions and giving me a push to make more posts. This show continues to be great and I can't wait to see the finale.

EDIT: Literally just saw this post on @respectthepetty's blong but apparently the Uncle is dead. I am going insane.

I think my theory still holds. I am definately sure there are three killers and Perth is helping the third killer or is the third killer (depending on If Non is alive, which is looking a bit more likely, if Tan is New or if New is someone else).

I now think that this other team/person that was getting Keng to help was not a journalist but had their own motivations. Like a vigilante maybe, someone who killed before and who would be 100% comfartable taking out a guy by decapitating him, like with Uncle Dang??

But it does makes sense it's taking them this long, Tee's uncle look like a big shot it must not be easy to take him out.

[daisy7beauty]

Online friend — Haerin x reader

summary: Haerin has had an online friend for around two years now. Their first meeting might be coming sooner than she had originally thought.

pairing: Kang Haerin x fem!reader

tags: online friends, trainee, fluff

word count: 869

————————————

Haerin has had an online friend for a while now.

When she had begun her life as a trainee, a lot of the pressure that came with it made her feel horrible. Not wanting to seem weak in front of the others, she buried all of her feelings inside.

She felt like she couldn’t talk to anyone about it. Her parents weren't the most supportive ones, so she was afraid that instead of comforting her, they would use it as a “We told you so” moment, insisting that she quit. So she decided to vent her frustrations out on a blog.

It was anonymous, of course, god forbid the company found it and kicked her out, or something. They had very strict rules about social media and a blog isn't that much different.

It didn’t receive much attention, which was fine with her, she just needed a place to complain and rant. But one day, she received a private message. It was from a user under the name ‘raccoon_luvr05’, who was apparently also a trainee and related to Haerin.

They had started to talk on the blog site, eventually exchanging their phone numbers, agreeing to only texting, as they wanted to remain anonymous. Haerin would be lying if she said she was never curious about the person behind the messages. They understood her more than anyone she has ever met, and she didn’t even know their name!

The only thing she knew was that they were a year older than her, they were from Jeju and a three year trainee under Starship Entertainment. It was honestly impressive how little they knew about each other, despite sharing their deepest secrets with each other for around two years.

If she were to be honest, Haerin had developed sort of a crush on them. She didn’t know if it was a boy or a girl, but the way they comforted her and cheered her up during her hardest days when she just wanted to quit, made her heart jump. Just thinking about it made her blush, making Hanni tease her from the other side of the practice room.

Her phone was in her hands, the messages between them open on her screen. Haerin stared at them intensely, mentally hyping herself up to send an already written message. After about two weeks of thinking and mulling everything over, she decided that she wanted to meet them. She knew that it was risky, her school made her watch all those cautionary videos about strangers online, but she just couldn’t help herself.

This particular week made her even more sure in her decision. They weren’t able to text as often as they used to, as her friend was currently moving companies, due to Starship delaying their groups debut once again. Haerin missed them so much that it surprised her. The whole week she spent wondering about how they were doing, and if they were fine. Their separation was the final nail in the coffin that made her realize just how much she liked them.

Just as she was about to send the text containing her question about finally meeting up, someone came into the practice room she was in. All of the members stood up and greeted the manager that stepped inside. Haerin saw a young girl behind him, nervously clutching a bag in her hands.

“All right, as you all know a new trainee is joining us today. She will be one of your group's members from now on. I know it may feel a bit strange, since you haven’t met her before, but please be kind to her. She is very talented and we believe her to be a perfect fit with you guys, so please don’t disappoint us, okay?”

All of them nodded, saying yes, bowing to the manager as he left the room, leaving just the girl behind.

“Nice to meet you, my name is Kim Minji, and I’m the oldest. You can consider me an unofficial leader, so if you have any problems or concerns, come to me.”

Minji smiled at the newcomer, the rest of the girls following her example and introducing themselves as well.

“Nice to meet you all, my name is y/n and I was born in 2005, I hope we can be friends.”

She had a soft voice and her eyes almost never left the ground. Haerin was the same when she just joined, understanding the girl's position. She was sure that y/n would open up soon enough.

They had talked for around an hour, before Minji seemed to remember something.

“Oh, I almost forgot. Could you give me your number, so that I can add you to our group chat?”

Y/n nodded, waiting for Minji to take out her phone, before saying her phone number.

As she started speaking, Haerin paused for a moment. It felt like she had seen that number somewhere already. She quickly opened up her phone, scrolling through her contacts, trying to see if that's where she remembered it from.

“Oh.”

She let out quietly, her finger stopping at a very familiar contact profile. It seemed that her wish of meeting her mystery person came true quicker that she had imagined.

-end-

[aleksa-sims]

Simself Story

CW: addiction, pregnancy, cheating, divorce

I told him... 😢🤦‍♀️

As the sun slowly rose after we talked all night about what Daniel has experienced the last 4 months, it was my turn, to tell him what I did, while he was gone...

What I can say? 😞... He was devastated. It wasn’t really my pregnancy or the fact that I get a baby by someone else, what has made him so upset, but rather the... circumstances that led to it and how it all came about. All our probs were caused by that damn attack/assault on us, 8 months ago. This thing has traumatized us. We both had difficulty processing it.

My parents told him I was dating Nico. The day he came back, he talked to them. He asked questions. And now, D. wanted to know from me, why I even met Nico? Did I call him? Or he me? How did we get there? Well, the stranger I met online... 🤦‍♀️

Daniel: He did it all on purpose! He pretended to be a stranger playing Sims with you. I mean how sick is that?... Did you know it was him? Did you lie to me? Be honest!

Me: No, I swear I didn't know!!! You know the whole story, I showed you everything he texted me. And he didn’t plan on breaking us up. He never meant to see me, he knew I loved you and we were married. He even helped me make up with you. It wasn’t until weeks after you left, that Nico started giving me more and more clues about his true identity. Listen D., he tried to distract me. I was always sad. I was looking for you everywhere with Alex. I was devastated! And I also relapsed, really bad, I fucked up sm. 🤦‍♀️😞

Daniel: You want to divorce me. Everything breaks dwon.... This is worse than the shit my crazy mother did to me. You and me... that wasn’t planned to end this way! It should never end!

Me: I'm so sorry. I don’t want it to end either. That’s why I married you, I love you, but-...... how’s this gonna work?

Daniel: You love him, not me! Otherwise, you’d just stay here. But you decided to divorce me and start a new life with him. So go! Go to him!..... What the fuck are you waiting for?

Me: No, I’m not leaving. I can’t leave you alone now. I’ll stay with you, as long as you need me.

Daniel: Damn, stay away from me!!.... Leave me alone, or I might say something I don’t want.

I couldn’t leave him alone. So I just stood aside somewhere in a corner, looking down, while Daniel left the living room. I touched my belly.  I apologized to my Baby for the hatred I felt for myself at that moment. I was disgusted with myself. I resented myself for constantly repeating the same, damn mistakes. I never wanted to hurt Daniel!! He deserved me to stay with him and live our fucking lives the way it used to be. I have to find a solution!

Half an hour later, I went over to Daniel to look after him. And.....huh? Is Daniel cuddling his old teddy bear??? 🤨😄

Me: Daniel?..You ok?... You... need a huggie? 😳😬

Daniel: Nah, I just don't wanna see you. And why's that old dust catcher here? He also smells like you.

Me: I found him at your house the last time we were there. Your sister said it was yours once. And the other day when I was home, I found him in my closet. I gave him a little makeover. I cleand him and put some of my perfume on him. And yea, he's cute I wanted to keep him.

Daniel: I hate that teddy bear. He disappointed me when I was 7, just like you now. 😒

Me: Um... that's just a toy, Daniel. How can a teddy bear disappoint you? 🤨

Daniel: I got him when I was five. My crazy mother kept locking me in the closet as you know. He was my bud, who was allowed to accompany me. And whenever I was alone in our damn house, I was less afraid, bcs he was there too. But on my 7th birthday I found out who gave me that teddy bear. It was one of those damn witches my mother met at her fucking clut-parties. That woman also told me my teddy bear was not a boy as I thought, it was a girl! She showed me the label. And well, at 7 I could read. The label said, "Susi the bear." I was totally disappointed. He wasn’t my friend anymor, just a fucking traitor! A damn witch, Susi, like one of my mothers odd followers. 😠

Me: Sorry. I didn’t know, I’m gonna put him away. 😞

Daniel: Take it with you! Maybe your soccer player's gonna be happy about it. Kind of like a trophy for him. He’s an athlete, he should like that. 🤷‍♂️

Me: I’ll save your old teddy bear for my Baby. I thought one day, we could give it to our own baby, but if I had only guessed, I would be pregnant by someone else.... I-...agh, Daniel. I'm so sorry. I wish it was.................... otherwise. 😢I could stay with you, but what should I say to Nico? I can’t hurt him, and I don’t want to hurt you either. Really not! But I’ll find a solution. I won’t let you down.

Daniel: I don’t want....your solution. I want my girl to myself. I'm not gonna share you with him. I ain't like Philip, damn it! So just go!

I went out to our roof. I wanted to take Daniel’s laundry off the cloth-line. I wanted to help him and be there for him. But Daniel was annoyed.

Daniel: Hey! Don't you hear?... What are you still doing here?

Me: I wanna be there for you. I’m just helping you.

Daniel: I don’t need you as a cleaning lady or maid! I need my... wife!

Me: I’m not going! This is my home too!

Daniel: Fine! I’ll give you an hour. If you’re still there, I’ll lock the door. Then, you really have to stay here,.... overnight! I won’t unlock the door until tomorrow.🤨

Me: I have a key, you smart guy. 😒

Daniel: Not anymore, know-it-all. 🤨 Besides, I’m stronger than you.

Me: You’re gonna handcuff me?

Daniel: The clock's ticking. One hour! Decide!

Previous/Next

[elementary-my-dear-daddy]

Earning Your Keep

Analogical (Virgil & Logan)

This story will be a series for the sugar daddy idea i've had running around in my head for some time now lmao. I really hope you guys like it since I enjoy writing it :)

Read it on AO3!

Virgil likes to take care of those he holds close, and maybe also a stranger that offered him a ride home.

Virgil was never rich. His family was big and his parents couldn’t make very many ends meet for most of his life, leading him to work his way through school. Once he graduated with a bachelors in psychology, he picked up two jobs to start paying off his loans, one in retail which drove his mental health into the ground, and the other as a behavioral health tech at a rehab center, which only had night-shift positions open and kept him up all night. He was paid and treated like shit, and on the cusp of breaking down when he got extremely lucky. For his 27th birthday he got the usual card with a cheesy message from his grandparents, but instead of the typical twenty bucks or a gift card, he found a lottery ticket sitting neatly inside. He didn’t think much of it, handing it over to the convenience store clerk when he was picking up an energy drink before his next shift.

“I don’t think this is worth anything, but if it has anything on it can I just use it to pay for this?” Virgil put his drink on the counter while the clerk scanned the ticket.

“Woah, woah. Oh my god.” 

“What?”

“Dude, you just won.”

“Huh?” Virgil knit his brow in confusion. He glanced over at the cashier’s screen, noticing the rather large number it displayed.

“Yeah, you won the jackpot! It’s over like 200 million! Holy shit! Here, sign it and take it to a lawyer!” The person handed him back the slip of paper and a pen. Virgil’s brain had short-circuited, causing him to just follow instructions. He didn’t really understand what was happening, so he just took the ticket back and walked out and back to his car, driving straight home and immediately typing ‘what to do if you win the lottery’ into his computer.

A bunch of results came up saying a bunch of stuff- tax experts, lawyers, and a bunch of steps that caused Virgil to lay down on his bed and rock back and forth for a little while. He didn’t believe this was happening to him. Maybe it wasn’t real? This was just a nightmare right? A really good bad nightmare.

All the things he saw online said not to tell anyone, but he couldn’t just sit there not making a decision. He picked up the phone and dialed the only person he knew who could possibly help him out.

~~~~~~~~~~

“You what ?” Janus’ voice hissed through the speakers on Virgil's phone, “Is this some weird joke, because it isn’t landing well.”

“No, no, I promise it's real, I-I checked and the numbers match up and I verified it at the gas station and, and-”

“Virgil, breathe. Calm down. I’m coming over so we can talk. I’ll help you get this figured out, and make sure you aren’t having delusions of grandeur.” Janus sighed, “I’ll be there in 10.”

Janus was over shortly, Virgil working with him to figure out the next course of action. Everything was going so fast. The next day Janus helped him set up meetings and accounts, and get lawyers and a budget going. The week flew by in between the contracts and calls. Even the next few months seemed to go by in a blur of bureaucratic processes. 

The first thing he did was set his parents up with a decent place to live and help them with their debts and medical bills. He did the same for himself, getting his student loans paid off finally and allowing himself to move into a spacey yet cozy penthouse. He quit both his jobs, but tried to end on a good note with his boss at the clinic in case he did ever want to go back. He was, probably for the first time in his life, comfortable.

~~~~~~~~~~

Time kept passing and Virgil had to now figure out what he wanted to spend his time on. He’d picked up his passion for music again now that he could afford nice equipment, but never had the intent to go anywhere with it. He looked into some online classes he could take, just for fun and to keep his mind stimulated. He even worked with Janus and some of his lawyers to start a charity for helping disabled students with loans that didn’t have the luck that he had. That was as close to a job as he had, once they had an office set up he made a regular schedule to help sort things out with it.

The routine he made helped him adjust to his new life. Getting up, going to the office, processing applications, working on his classes and playing music. He didn’t really spend his money anymore beyond his needs. Nothing fancy brought him much happiness. He didn’t host parties or have many friends that hung out with him before he became well off. He’d tried to go on a few dates, but the people he’d seen either knew him from the news when he originally won or they’d act disinterested until he brought up his money. The one time he actually thought he’d found someone he was interested in, the guy had thrown a fit that he wanted to end their 3rd date early to not have a panic attack.

They went to a planetarium, which for the most part Virgil enjoyed, but the segment about how small of a spec the earth was in the grand scheme of the universe triggered the existentialist anxiety of dying alone and not mattering. He had to run out and go calm down, but that proved difficult with his date shouting.

“Do you know how fucking rude it is to just run out on your date? I had to pay for these tickets, you know, and they aren’t cheap!”

“I-I know, i’m sorry, I can, um, here I’ll pay you back-” Virgil started to reach for his wallet.

“Whatever, it’s fine, let’s just see if they’ll let us back in, cmon.” The guy tugged at Virgil’s arm.

“Um…Actually I was wondering if…s-sorry uh, could- could we just go home?”

“What, are you not having a nice night? You could at least not waste my time, you know.” 

“I know, I'm really sorry, we should- maybe, uh… you can go and I’ll just head home and call an uber-”

“Ugh are you serious?” His date frowned, “You know what? Just go, I don’t wanna deal with this anymore. Don’t call me again, we’re done.” 

He watched his date head back into the planetarium and sighed, resigning himself to a bench outside to shake off the rejection. He shivered as a spike of anxiety hit him. He had to count his breaths, but it wasn’t working. He was gonna end up alone and live a completely inconsequential life that had no impact whatsoever and-

“Are you alright?”

Virgil looked over at a man a few feet away from him. He stood tall, sporting glasses and a polo with the logo of the planetarium. Virgil didn’t couldn’t quite make out the name on the man’s name tag through his watery eyes. Oh shit, was he crying? No no no this couldn’t happen in public, he was a grown man crying in public-

“Oh, apologies, I didn’t mean to startle you. I just thought I should intervene.” The man looked at Virgil with concern, “May I sit?”

Virgil nodded, easing slightly as he did. He took a shaky breath and wiped away his tears, “I-I’m so-sor-ry. I could-n’t stay in there. S-sorry.”

“There’s no need to apologize, take as much time as you need to gather yourself.” He spoke calmly. His tone comforted Virgil enough to steady his breathing and collect his thoughts.

“I’m…I’m good. Sorry.” Virgil sighed, “Just had a shitty date.”

The man frowned, “I see. Was he your ride home?”

Virgil nodded, “Figured I’d just get a cab or something.”

“Don’t waste your money, my shift just ended. If you’re comfortable with it I’d be happy to offer you a way home.”

“No no I can’t, I mean- It’s fine it’s not like money’s the issue I just don’t wanna leave him here alone.”

“After he just left you?” 

Virgil looked towards the doors of the planetarium. He slumped his shoulders in resignation, “I guess you’re right.”

“I don’t mean to intrude on your personal affairs, but he is not worth your time if he does not respect your boundaries, and I don’t feel comfortable leaving you in a potentially unsafe environment. I would feel much more assured if I knew you returned home unharmed.”

“Fuck it, ok.” Virgil sighed. He looked over at the man and was able to see him a little more clearly. His name tag attached to a Dr. Who lanyard read Logan in bold font. He looked rather lanky and had bags under his eyes comparable to Virgil’s own.

“Would you like another minute to calm down or would you like to walk with me to my car now? I don’t mind waiting.”

“Uh, no, we can go now. Th-thank you, um, Logan.” Virgil offered a half smile.

“Of course, uh…”

“Virgil.”

“Virgil.” The man- Logan, stood up and motioned for the other to follow him.

Virgil stood and accompanied him to the car. It wasn’t the fanciest thing in the world, far from it. It looked like one of the windows had been punched out and was covered with cardboard and duct tape. It looked like an older car, and when they got in Logan had to start the engine a few times before it actually got running. 

“Please excuse the state of my car,” Logan said pulling his seatbelt on, “I’d fix the window on my own if I could but I’ve been too busy to do so. Here, do you mind putting your address in so I can get directions?”

Logan handed Virgil his phone, the other quickly inputting the info and handing it back. Virgil fastened his own seatbelt as they drove out of the parking lot.

“So, you work at the planetarium?”

“My shirt indicates so.”

“Right.” Virgil nodded, “What started that?”

“I needed a part-time job to work during nights while I attended college. I studied astronomy and a professor recommended applying for the position. The job just stuck after I graduated.” 

“That sounds pretty cool. You get to go to all those shows, right?”

“No, I get to sit in the ticket booth.” 

“Oh.” Virgil looked out the window as they drove, “I didn’t realize.”

“It's alright,” Logan said, shrugging, “I’ve seen them all anyway, when I had more free time.”

“You can’t take a day off?”

Logan’s lips pursed, “Not really. I work two other jobs.”

They both spent the rest of the ride in silence until the car approached the area where Virgil lived.

“You…live over here?” Logan questioned, looking around at the tall, well-kept buildings of the city.

“Um, yeah. I guess.” Virgil sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck, “I moved here a few months ago. Doesn’t feel like it though.”

Logan hummed in acknowledgement, still looking around at how different this place seemed compared to where he lived. He pulled up to a decorative building with too many stories to count from his view. He parked the car and turned to Virgil.

“Thank you for allowing me to take you home. I’m sorry you had a rough night but hopefully you’ll find someone else that will accommodate your needs appropriately.” Logan offered a smile.

Virgil returned it, before clumsily reaching to take off his seatbelt and pull out his wallet, “Uh, here.”

He offered a wad of cash to Logan, who in return pushed it back, “No, please don’t worry about covering gas. It isn’t far from my-”

“Take it. Get your window fixed too. And if you need anything else just, um, give me a call or something. Thanks again, Logan.” Virgil said, getting out of the car and shutting the door.

Logan watched him greet the doorman (his building had a doorman?) and head to his apartment, before staring down at the cash. It added up to about $350, plus Virgil's business card. He blinked and debated trying to go after him, but decided he wouldn’t be able to find him since he didn’t know which apartment was his. He pulled out his own wallet and stuffed the cash inside. The card Virgil had given him had his name and number, along with the name of a charity Logan heard the name of a few times from the news. This was too much to process, so Logan just put the card in with the cash and drove home. That was a problem for someone much more well rested.

~~~~~~~~~~

Virgil flopped down on his bed as soon as he got home. He pulled out his phone and immediately blocked his date’s number, writing him off as just another insensitive asshole trying to take advantage of him. He let his mind relax in the safety of his home and tried to just forget about tonight. Except Logan. He couldn’t get him out of his mind.

Working two jobs had Virgil on the verge of a panic attack almost every night, he couldn’t imagine working three like Logan had. And how long had he been driving that car? Wasn’t it dangerous to drive when your engine doesn’t turn over and you don’t have a window? Those bags under his eyes, was he not sleeping well? Was the money he gave him enough to cover everything? 

Virgil exhaled through his nose and flipped onto his back. These were morning problems. Or at least wake up at 3 am and worry about life problems. He glanced at his clock- 10:30. Definitely something to deal with tomorrow.

[archoniluthradanar]

I woke up this morning to find you gone

I woke up this morning to find you gone : a Volturi one-shot

The Twilight "Zone" series-these stories have a bit of strangeness about them.

Caius' human mate - First person POV

Caius' mate goes to bed with him, then falls asleep with him at her side as he is most nights. She awakens the next morning to find him gone. Not away, but really gone. And no one in the Volturi castle has ever heard of him. Or her. How will a human convince the Volturi she belongs there, and that her mate is real and is now missing.

oooooooooooooooooooo

My name is Allie Carson. I was an American who had lived in Washington state all my life. It was a fairly normal life, that is, until I met Caius. He was handsome, almost regal in his carriage, rude when it suited him, and an old-fashioned gentleman when he chose to be. I could tell right off he was...different.

I had bumped into him on the street, literally. He had been sent, he later told me, to keep an eye on a local family here in Forks.

"Are you a cop or FBI agent? I asked him, curious.

"Nothing so mundane," he replied curtly. "Why do you care?"

I ignored the snark. "Mundane? Now you have me really interested. I would never say the work of a detective or an agent of the government was mundane."

He only smirked, which intrigued me more. I told him I was on my way to have lunch at a local diner and asked him to join me. He agreed after looking around the main street. I briefly wondered what he was looking for, but by the time we reached the diner, my mind was on the hamburger lunch deal my stomach was demanding.

We sat at a table, and the waitress came by with two glasses of water. She set them down and took out her pad. "Hello, Allie, I see you found a friend. Stranger around these parts?" she asked Caius, her eyes obviously admiring him. "What can I get you both?"

"Marsha, I'll have the hamburger lunch deal, with a Coke." I looked at my impromptu companion. "Can I get you anything...uh?"

"Caius," he said, finally smiling.

"Caius? Ok then, Caius...did you want anything?"

"No, thank you. I've eaten already," he replied, leaning back against his chair.

There was that smirk again. "I guess I'm the only one eating, Marsha." After she went to put in my order, I looked the blonde man over. "Caius is a strange name."

"It's an old family name. I rather like it," he said.

"Oh, I do too. Unusual names run in my family. Even though I ended up with 'Allison', dad once told me he wanted to name me Athena, but mom objected."

"The Greek goddess," he said knowingly.

"Are your parents historians or something? Your name, the fact you instantly recognized one of the Greek gods."

"Actually, I am a historian so to speak. I...read a lot about history. Do you like history as well?"

I was so impressed to meet someone like Caius. Here in Forks, the library had minimal books on ancient history, so I had to buy a lot of used books online. "Yes, I love history, I don't even care what era. It all interests me."

His brilliant blue eyes lit up at my words, so I must have said something right. Just then, Marsha came by with my lunch plate and a glass of Coke.

"Here you go, Allie." She turned to Caius, asking him, "Sure you don't want anything?" When he shook his head, she nodded and left us alone.

We talked about anything that came into our minds until I had finished everything on my plate. "How long will you be in town?" I asked my lunch companion.

"Two days, maybe three. Then I'll return home."

"Where is home, if I may ask." I wasn't sure if he had to keep that secret, his job and all.

"I'm from Volterra." He must have seen my frown, since he immediately clarified. "Tuscany region, Italy.

"Wait. So you're not an American officer? Interesting." His accent didn't sound Italian, but perhaps he was a transplant.

We left the cafe together, but I had to get home, and Caius seemed distracted, his eyes again scanning the streets. We bid each other goodbye and went our separate ways.

I walked across the street, still watching Caius. A young man, whose face I didn't recognize, walked up to him. They seemed to speak to each other as if they knew one another. The stranger was dressed in what appeared to be clothing from another era. He was handsome as well, and I wondered who he was. I sneezed, which forced my eyes closed. By the time I opened them, Caius and the stranger were gone.

The next morning, I left my house to find the blonde stranger standing on the sidewalk out front. He smiled when I walked over to him. "I just wanted to see you before I left," he said.

We spent the rest of the morning together. I asked him if he could reveal the name of the family he was watching. Were they criminanls, I asked him. He laughed.

"Not exactly criminals. The Cullens tend to do their own thing with no concept of the law."

Did he mean Carlisle Cullen? "Caius, Dr Cullen is highly respected here in town. We feel fortunate to have such a...a skilled physician in our small hospital, when he could find a better paying position anywhere in the country. And his family's great. I don't know them very well, but we have spoken at times. Alice is so sweet, and Emmett is a hoot."

"They've done nothing wrong...yet. I was only sent to watch them," Caius replied, trying to reassure me.

I admitted to myself I was intrigued by this man, a foreigner to my country. But I was stunned when the last day of his stay, before he was supposed to leave for good, Caius demanded to see me. Demanded.

We had gone for a walk into town and ended up at the park. We sat on a bench beneath a tree. I didn't say much, unsure how I felt about his leaving. His next words stunned me.

"I want you to join me in Volterra. Come with me and be my mate. I know it sounds strange, but it won't when I explain everything."

"It's been three days! I hardly know you, Caius! What is this all about?" I looked up at him while he stood and paced in front of me.

"I cannot tell you everything, Allie. You have to trust me when I say we belong together. I confirmed this with Marcus."

"Who the hell is Marcus? Caius, are you crazy?" I shut up when he took my hands in his and sat beside me.

"I...work with Marcus. He has a gift of recognizing relationships between people, a hundred, fifty...two. He told me you and I are destined to be mates."

"Mates. As in spouses?"

"If you wish to call it that. All I know is what I feel when I am with you. My previous mate died long ago."

Long ago, he said, when he barely looked thirty years old. My head was spinning, yet when he suddenly kissed me, my brain took the time to stop thinking while I let this man gather me in his arms and continue to kiss me. When he pulled back, I gazed at him in shock. Yet could it have felt more natural.

So I left Forks forever, binding my life with Caius', before I even knew much about him, or what he was.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

It was like any other night, Caius and me lying in our bed while we talked about the day's events. We were laughing about something that happened, when he moved to hover over me, pressing his lower body against mine. I smiled up at him while wrapping him in my arms. then kissing him. I was still human, so he had to be careful he didn't accidently bite the tip of my tongue off. Soon he would change me, and he would not have to hold back any longer.

We made love until I was tired out. He let me lie against him, our fingers entwined. "I love you, my heart," I said.

"I love you, amore mio," he replied, pulling me closer.

I closed my eyes and Caius held me until I fell asleep.

Sunlight poured through the window, waking me. I turned to my left to see an empty spot in our bed. I sat up, calling for Caius. Maybe he was in the shower, but he usually asked me if I wanted to join him. I got out of bed and headed for the bathroom. No Caius. I touched the shower wall. It was dry.

Had he been summoned by Aro for a last minute meeting or trial, and didn't want to wake me?

I quickly dressed and went in search of my mate. I entered the door of the throne room, and found no one. Perhaps they had gathered in the larger audience hall. I was on my way there when strong arms grabbed mine, pulling me back against a tall, marble-hard body.

"Felix, you startled me." When I turned to look up at him, his expression frightened me. It was as if he didn't know me. When he grabbed my arm, I struggled against the pain. "Felix, you're hurting me." Even the fearsome Felix had never harmed me since I arrived here. This was very much out of character for him.

I was unceremoniously dragged to the smaller throne room, where Aro now sat with Marcus on the dais that lacked one chair. This was crazy. Where was Caius' throne?

I was about to ask what was going on and where was Caius, when Aro rose from his throne and walked down the three steps to stand before me, Felix still holding my arms but less tightly.

"Who are you and how did you get inside this place?" His red eyes bore into mine.

"Aro, I've been here ever since Caius brought me here. And where is he, by the way. What have you done to his throne?"

I saw Aro glance back at Marcus, who was sitting still, as he usually did. The quiet one merely shook his head.

"Aro, can you please ask Felix to let me go."

Aro gave the tall guard a blink and Felix stepped back, but not far from me.

I rubbed my arms and glanced around the room to see most of the top guards standing against the wall. They all looked at me as if they didn't know me.

"What is your name, my dear," Aro asked.

I had to laugh. "You know me, brother. I'm Allie, Caius' mate?"

Aro looked aback when I called him brother. He stepped back, turned and walked slowly back to his throne, sitting once there. 'You say you are Allie, mate to Caius. Yet we know no Caius...nor you."

This was insane. I was in a nightmare it seemed.

I pointed down the line of guards. "That's Demetri, Chelsea, Afton, Santiago, Jane, Alec. Heidi is most likely out fetching tourists for your next meal. You're Aro and he's Marcus. If I hadn't been here awhile, how would I know your names or theirs? I also know you're vampires." I looked over at the empty far corner. "Where is Caius' throne? It usually sits there, at your left."

"There has never been another throne, my dear. Marcus and I are the sole leaders of the Volturi. There are no others." He spoke gently, as if to a child.

"Yes, there is! Caius helped you form the coven ages ago." I had lost my composure by now.

Aro asked me a question, I think to test my story. "And who are you to this Caius?"

"I'm his mate, from America. He brought me here 10 months ago. You promised me one year before you insisted I be changed. I have two months left. And now I don't even belong here, so it seems."

I gave a pleading look at Marcus. who was always kind to me. He stared back at me as he would a stranger.

Aro appeared to be thinking, when he suddenly stood, walked down the steps, and grabbed my wrist, saying tersely, "Come with me."

I was suddenly afraid. "Where are you taking me, Aro?" Very afraid. "Aro, please don't kill me. Give me a chance to explain!"

"Foolish human, I'm not going to kill you, or you would have been dead already." We stopped in front of our chambers, mine and Caius'. "You say these are the rooms you shared with this Caius?"

I opened the right door and walked in. "These have been Caius' rooms for longer than I know. I have lived here with him for the last ten..." My heart dropped. I looked around to find an empty set of rooms. The furniture was gone. Our belongings were gone.

I ran to the bedroom, then searched the massive closet. It was empty of our clothing and the large jewelry case Caius had bought me to hold all the beautiful necklaces, earrings and rings he had chosen for me over the months. There was nothing left behind to bear witness to his extreme generosity.

I turned to Aro. "I don't understand. It's all gone. But it was here when I woke up this morning. I dressed and left to look for Caius." I thought for a moment. If Caius had disappeared from this place, perhaps time itself, all the things he had bought for me would be gone too. It was a logical assumption that if he never existed, anything tied to him would never have been here. And I would not be here. But I was. I am.

I started to walk back to the outer door. While I stood in the corridor, I felt Aro move behind me. I awaited execution, but instead, he took my elbow and led me back the way we came.

"You're not going to kill me, Aro?"

"I said I would not. You know too much, but what you know proves some of your story. For now, Marcus wishes to speak with you."

"No problem. I know the way." He let go my arm and we walked side by side to Marcus' chambers. When we came to his doors, Aro left me there with a pleasant expression, reassuring me.

I reached up and knocked on the heavy wooden door. It opened to reveal the tall melancholy vampire.

"Welcome, my child. Come in." He stepped aside to allow me in and led me to the settee. I sat down and tried to get comfortable.

"It's good to see you again. Marcus. I'm glad you asked me here since I want to ask you, do you see me with your gift? Am I with anyone?" Caius maybe.

Marcus looked a bit surprised that I mentioned his gift. "Yes, I know about your gift. When I arrived here from America, you confirmed with Caius and me, that we were mates and belonged together. Why don't you remember that?"

Since I had arrived here in Volterra, Marcus had always favoured me, and his lack of emotion basically made him more relaxing to be around. When Caius was off on some mission with the guards, Marcus would invite me to his rooms and read to me while I lay my head on his lap. Sometimes he would comb my hair with his fingers in a soothing manner. Anything to calm me during my mate's absences.

"Sit here, child. Aro asked me to talk with you about your delusion..."

"Marcus, it's not a delusion! I'm telling you all the truth. Caius met me in America, and we spent some time while he was in Forks. He asked me to go home with him because we belonged together." How many times did I have to say it. "He checked with you, telling me you have the gift to see relationships." I shut up, too tired to speak anymore.

"I have something to ask you, child. If you want to stay here, Aro has given his permission, as long as you stay with me. Eventually if you wish, you can become my mate and I will change you myself. For now, I will ask nothing of you."

I knew what he meant. I looked over at Marcus. Dear Marcus. I had no where else to go. I nodded silently.

I stayed with Marcus for the next 4 days. He was true to his word, asking nothing of me. Instead, he did what he could to make me feel better.

He had chosen a favourite book, reading to me while my head rested on his thigh. His fingers caressed my head while he played with my hair. His soothing voice became an even drone of words.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

I must have fallen asleep. I rose up on one elbow and looked around me. I was back in my bedroom, Caius' bedroom. Everything seemed as it should be. I turned to see Caius walking from the bathroom as he was drying his hair with a towel while completely naked. I stared up at him with what must have been a look of utter shock, before I jumped out of bed and ran to him, grabbing him and kissing his face and mouth.

"Oh my god, where have you been? I have been looking all over for you and no one knew who you were and everything here was gone..."

Caius dropped the towel when I had grabbed him. "Whoa, my love, what is all this? What do you mean I was missing and everything was gone."

"Am I dreaming now?" I grabbed his hands and looked at him, my expression serious. "I woke up five mornings ago. You were not in our rooms, so I went in search of you, thinking perhaps Aro had called for you. Felix found me and dragged me to the throne room. I asked Aro about you, and he acted like he had never heard of you. No one had. I was sure he was going to kill me since I had no reason to be here and was still human. I think the fact I knew so much convinced him I had been here for the last ten months." I would have rattled on hysterically had Caius not stopped me.

"Allie, shhhh...slow down, love." Caius cupped my cheek gently, then pulled me to him. He was here, back with me, and yet it was like five days ago all over again, only Caius was the one who didn't believe me.

"I spoke with Marcus and he offered to take me in so Aro would not have to kill me. He promised me if you never came back, he'd take me as his mate and change me himself."

"Wait, Allie, what are you talking about?" He gripped my upper arms with his hands. "Who the devil is this Marcus?"

Frowning, I looked at Caius in disbelief. "God, not again."

[felgueirosa]

if it’s not too triggering, why were you institutionalized for being picky? (If it’s too personal feel free to delete this ask, sorry)

Hi! It's no problem, it is triggering, but i think about it a lot, and it is something i sometimes shared on here, after it just happened, because i was in shock and had to let people know and to reach out like hey? has this happened to anyone else? but right after that it became too hard to put words to and too triggering to talk about so i talked about it less.

but its a story i want to tell now and am becoming more okay with telling, because i want people to know what happens to people, what happened to me, and what could very well happen to me again

and also, it just so happens i have been thinking about it a lot recently and thinking how to tell my story because i have been psyching myself up to tell my girlfriend.

so like. suuuuuuuuper long story below the cut. can be very triggering, its a very upsetting story. tw for like. institutionalization (obvs), suicide, medical abuse, eating disorders, psychiatric abuse, parental abuse (?)

I was kind of institutionalized. At first, it happened almost 9 years ago, I remember the anniversary every year. I was 16, my doctor recommended I be put in a childrens hospital eating disorder program. I have ARFID, no one really knew what it was at the time. I've had it since i was an infant and went from doctor to doctor and no one had ever seen anyone like me or knew what to do. One doctor said I wouldn't live past 21 if I continued to eat the way I do, but clearly that was not the case.

I am forever astounded by the amount of people I run into on here and online in general who identify as having ARFID or being that level of picky eater, though talking with some of them more in depth, it seems like they are often not on the level of pickiness i am on and seem to have experienced less shame and be more open about discussing it though everyone is different and impossible to tell.

I was excited for the program at first before it started. I thought they were going to help me and I would finally be a normal person. I was so tired of being harassed by random strangers, laughed at by waiters, and ridiculed by my family. Every person I made friends with I had to at some point make a terrifying confession to and going on dates (for the small regrettable amount I did it in high school) was near impossible when I had to show the part of myself that I was most ashamed about and hated the most on the first date.

I thought at the program I would find specialists who would sympathize with me and help me and would fix me. And when I got there, before anything even happened, I had to sign all these papers, and my parents did too, and I didn't know what they were, I didn't question it. What I signed didn't even really matter anyways, I was 16. And the first day I brought my phone with me and a book, and my bag with some other stuff. But after I signed everything, they took everything I had away, and we went to this room with all these doctors, 'my treatment team', I had never met them before, they barely looked at me or talked to me, but they talked about me and my 'treatment plan' and they were never caring to me, never talked to me like a person.

The plan, as it was for everyone, was that they give you three meals a day, of whatever food they bring you, you have to eat all of it by the time an alarm they set goes off, you have to drink every drop of water they give you, have to use every packet of sauce they give you. If you don't do this, you get moved down a 'level' and you get privileges taken away. Things like watching tv, or being around other patients, but most of all, I found out that being moved down a level just meant you usually get locked in a room by yourself for a few hours because that happened to me. a lot.

i was very upset when i found this out. this was not helping me. because as i found out, it turns out no one really knows a fucking thing about helping people with mental illnesses or eating disorders or developmental disabilities even though the medical establishment likes to talk about how much it has progressed. they don't know a single fucking thing.

so i finally went out to the common room with the other patients. i was crying very hard and told the doctors that was it i wanted to leave i didn't want to be part of the program. but they told me it was too late i already signed the consent forms. so i don't know if medical consent/institutionalization is still like this almost 10 years later, if someone was lying to me or if this is true, but my mom also told me the same thing, and apparently if you consent to this kind of thing you cannot take it back. which by definition, makes it not consent.

i remember sobbing in the common area with the other patients (they were all girls, about same age as me), and there was another new patient, also sobbing. the other girls tried to comfort us and talk to us, but the orderlies (i don't really know what else to call them, all they really did was sit and watch us and make sure we didn't do anything that wasn't allowed. they were all college girls. they were extremely mean to us, they thought we were being dramatic) wouldn't let them, we weren't really allowed to talk to each other much and we weren't allowed to touch each other and we very specifically for some reason were not allowed to comfort each other.

i was crying especially hard because i knew that this program was expected to last for a couple months. but as i talked to the other girls there the small amount i was able to, i found out that most of them had been there for much longer than a couple months, many of them for over a year. i managed to catch my parents as they were leaving from dropping me off and talking with the doctors (i had only been there still only like 3 or 4 hours) and screamed at them to get me out of here. my mom seemed really shaken by the way i was acting and the doctor told her not to worry and i specifically remember him saying "they all act like this at the beginning".

it is something i will never forget because every time i tried to convince my mom to get me out of there she seem conflicted based on the fact that the doctor said that. and it hits me every time that all the doctors, the nurses, the people working there, can see children. children. acting like that about what they are doing to them and think they are doing the right thing. i will never forget it ever. and every person who came in after me did the same thing! because it was prison! it was punishment! for having a eating disorder! for being autistic! when i was able to talk to my mom, she kept saying "we are not trying to punish you" and the more times she said i realized she was trying to convince herself.

i ate some of the foods they gave me but i never got used to them like they said i would. i just got knocked down a level every time and got locked in a room. and the thing is, unlike most media and reports about mental wards or asylums. it was a nice hospital. it was brand new. the room i was locked in was not a padded room. one of the walls was just a window. and in some ways, that made it worse. because it looked out on a highway and i saw all the cars going to and from work, going to the store, going to eat. and they were so free and they could go where they wanted and eat what they wanted and when they wanted and they weren't locked in a room. and they passed this hospital and had no idea what was happening to me or to anyone else here and it made me so angry and so defeated. i felt so close to being away from a waking nightmare but i knew i would never get there. a year!!! i could be there for over a year.

a year without going where i wanted when i wanted. no access to my phone. i wasn't allowed to see my friends. i wasn't allowed to read my books. i wasn't allowed to eat what i wanted when i wanted. i did therapy a few times a day but it was more like an interrogation. when i was a high enough level to be in the common room, i sat in the corner and did puzzles obsessively so i could just dissociate and focus on the puzzles. eventually the therapist told me i wasn't allowed to do puzzles anymore because it was "distracting from my recovery" and i "wasn't thinking about my eating" (i don't know what the fuck i was supposed to be thinking about). it got to the point where i felt like i didn't have ownership of my own mind anymore. i wasn't allowed to dissociate. i wasn't thinking about what they wanted me to be thinking about.

they told me if i "was good" (aka if i reached a high enough level, not going to happen) i could write them a list of 100 songs. they would load all the songs on an ipod shuffle to loan to me. but only after they listened to all of them first to make sure they were appropriate. they told me if i "was good" maybe i could see my best friend for a few hours for one weekend. a few hours. for one weekend. i was understanding how truly controlling the program was. seeing a friend for a few hours once a month is a privilege. listening to a few songs they approve is a privilege.

but it didn't matter. i realized after the first day that obviously i had to kill myself. i was already in a pretty bad place before the program and was passively suicidal but i realized instantly that i could not live like this and if i was going to be stuck here indefinitely then my only way to escape was to end my life. i didn't have a plan at that point but i knew for certain i was going to do it. the loss of control, the violation, the loss of body and self was unbearable.

every morning they had us strip and then weighed us and did an ekg. why did they have us strip and do an ekg? it doesnt seem like it has much of a point. they watched us go to the bathroom. it all seemed like humiliation and violation for the sake of it.

even after the second day i had realized that i didnt want to be fixed or get better and i had to come to the very quick realization that there had never been anything wrong with me. when i went to therapy they asked me questions like "don't you want to be able to go to restaurants?" "don't you want to be able to eat with friends?" and i realized none of that had to do with my health. the reason i had problems with restaurants was because they didn't accommodate to me and the reason i had problems with friends was all social. all these reasons i had for wanting to be fixed and all these reasons they had for me to want to be fixed were other peoples' problems. the way people treated me was not my problem.

for your treatment plan, one of the first steps was to admit in group therapy that you had an eating disorder and what your problems were (i fucking know) and that would get you more privileges but i decided i wasn't going to do that because i didn't have a problem, my "problem" was everyone else's problem and the way they treated me. so i refused to every session and got locked in the room every time for this. they fucking hated me for it.

if you can't tell how long i was there for based on this. i was only there for a week. because after a week our insurance came back and declined to cover the program. i always hate myself that it was a week. it doesnt feel long enough. for the amount that it did for me. for how much it does to me almost 9 years later. it doesn't feel like enough.

i got home and screamed at my parents. i was so angry. my mom had allegedly been trying the entire time to get me out of the program, but my dad had been trying to keep me in. when i got home my dad had taken away my phone and my laptop and said he wasnt giving them back. i screamed at him and cried and he threatened to call the hospital and have them lock me up forever. i was terrified, i tried to get away from him, to hide. and he got out his phone and took video of me, at my worst moments, he claimed to show to the doctors. i ran away. for a few hours. i had nowhere to go. i ran about a mile. and then sat down outside the rec center and cried until it got dark. and then i went home.

i had nightmares that i was still there for months. it never ended. i was so paranoid about everything. i thought people were coming to lock me up. i couldn't draw any attention to myself or i thought i would be locked up. every time we drove anywhere near the hospital i thought my parents were taking me back there. i was so paranoid i couldn't sleep i couldn't sit i couldn't do anything i had to be looking out for everything and i trusted no one. i walked around, angry at everyone, that they were so carefree in everything and they had no idea what happened to me. i was angry it happened to me and they were worried about things that had no importance. i was angry when adults thought they knew more than me and i felt i had been through more in life at 16 than they had at their age. was it true? i'm not sure.

i think the most important thing i learned, whether true or not, besides not needing to be fixed, was that i could never trust anyone and never ask anyone for help again. i thought they would help me and i was excited. for some time, i thought it was my fault. at least partially. but now i am angry. i was 16. who would do that to a 16 year old who was looking for help because of how people had treated them?

for a while after i talked about arfid a ton on tumblr and also on wordpress. i created the actuallyarfid tag but became disillusioned when so many people in the tag just talked about wanting to get rid of it or their progress in getting rid of it. and eventually i couldn't even talk about it anymore. it was too tied to everything that happened and i was still so ashamed of it. it was to triggering. i stopped.

i think for similar reasons i have stopped associating so much with the autistic community online. i think it has jaded me so much to see so many people who have only had the slightest negative consequences of being autistic and do being autistic like putting on and taking off a coat after something like this happened to me. it was in this program that doctors first told my parents they think i am autistic though i wasnt diagnosed until later. i recognize now that having arfid is part of my being autistic but i don't like to talk about it in the context of having arfid because i don't feel like i 'have' anything. it is just me being me. and i use autistic as a label when i need to explain my needs and differences to people quickly and its fun to make jokes about being autistic sometimes but i dont like to constantly identify myself that way.

my parents are "health" nuts (fake garbage health bullshit) so they were still convinced my eating was going to kill me and many years later have taken me to see several nutritionists. and all these years later, after doctors many years ago declared i had a problem and would die, most of them did not see a huge problem with the way i eat. one of them in particular who i love and have seen over and over again at the behest of my parents has pointed out many things to me. there are plenty of adults who don't eat or barely eat fruits and vegetables. there are plenty of adults who eat the same thing every day (bring the same thing for lunch at work everyday anyone?). the world does not end. if you are different and you do it. then you are a problem and you need to be fixed. but if it is within socially acceptable norms, then it's okay.

i've always thought that some day i wanted to write about what happened to me publicly. in a paper or something. i want people to know. that this happened to me. that this happens to people. still. that it could very well happen to me again. though i'm not sure i could take public response if i did write about it. and after i got out of the program, i wrote it all in a journal, but then ripped it up and shredded it because the words weren't enough. they were so insignificant and i could never ever find the words to capture how horrifying it was what happened to me and how badly it ruined me and destroyed me. it changed my whole life and my perspective on everything. but i think now, almost 10 years later i am starting to find the words. and i think now i am less scared.

[ms-paints-sometimes]

please read, i'm looking for some of my old online friends

we met on wattpad, back in like 2021 when i went by the username Spirithyst. we talked in "the gc" by replying to a comment made by user georgecantwalk on a dreamnotfound fanfic titled "I Fell in Love with a Boy in a Maid Dress" by visiblelittlesushi

the author was alright with us talking in their comments, and by the time i left the comment was at more than 7k replies.

the gc had it's own lore which we roleplayed often, with the gc being hell and us making a nation. i will go more in depth later for anyone interested.

i had to leave wattpad since my parents found out about me talking to strangers online (something they're against), and my account has been deleted. i had remained in contact with breadb00 through tiktok, but my parents found out about that aswell. one of my real life friends still talks with them tho, and they were able to get me bread's tumblr ( @codi-bread , tagging u so you can see the post, if u mind i'll edit it). other than that, i follow pluto, george, bread, care and cazz on spotify, but there isn't really a way to contact them through that.

i will write the wattpad usernames of people i remeber under the cut, aswell as their gc lore, so if you see yourself mentioned, remember being in the gc, or know someone on this list, PLEASE contact me via asks, comments or dms

georgecantwalk, reffered to as george or gcw was the one who created the gc by commenting "I wish I had a gay friend to be honest I really really want a gay friend :(" on the 25th of january 2021 on the before mentioned fanfic. later they married crispy_porkchops and adopted Breadb00, im_depressed_help and me (with later aditions). we all called george our parental figure, and canonically they were satan, the ruler of hell.

crispy_porkchops was known as "the pog parent". they weren't active much in the gc. their onl lore was that they married george and adopted the three of us.

Breadb00 is my absolute best friend from the gc and my favorite sibling :3 we would often jokingly argue about being parental figure's favorite child. when L'Wattpad was created, they called me a wilbur kinnie, to which i replied that "wilbur is a spirit kinnie". after that they created Wattburg and started a war

i'm_depressed_help was one of the first 3 adopted childeren. they weren't active much. they had an irl twin who's username was yal_la, who decided to be the family dog.

apthay_ joined the gc a bit later than me. most of the gc consisted of americans and people from different timezones from me (i'm serbian), which made talking to the gc hard since most conversations happened while i was asleep. apthay_ mentioned being british, and with us all being dream smp fans i said something along the lines of "we're the only europeans here, what do we do now? start a nation?" and thus, L'Wattpad was born. as i mentioned, bread started a war, after which i blew up our country, dying in the proces. for all of the lore after this, c!spirit was a ghost (and maybe 3 raccoons in a trench coat but nobody's sure)

Loser000Hollow or devon was george's wife and our mother. when they got married i attempted arsoning the wedding (causing me to further refer to myself as "a professional wedding arsonist"), but they got married regardless.

-FROG_SUPREMACY- was our uncle that dropped in sometimes to say hi and be cool. nothing much to say about them, they're just poggers

enzo1487 was platonically married to me and we adopted three childeren together. they weren't online much

pluto was one of my childeren. they changed usernames often but always followed a nouns4character formula. they had a raccon named tommy who owned a gun and made good playlists. they're really nice and fun to talk to :) they're one of the members of utah duo

SnowflakeMoon1297 was one of my childeren. they're from germany and also really polite. they're about the same age as bread iirc. i can't recall much of their lore atm :(

heroes-and-villains or ace was one of my childeren, later dubbed "Ace The Slay God". they weren't too active either

Care_Warmth or Dahlias4Amor was platonically married to pluto and knew a lot about flowers. i would consider them a good friend. they had a child, who's username was GlitchDevil_404 iirc

_shad0wlight_ and me were the arson duo, and we commited arson randomly every sunday (when we remembered to). that was fun :)

Q_Loves_You or TEARSorTEA was one of george's kids, but was adopted later. they befriended me since i had a book titled "Daily Letter Q", where i would post the letter Q every day. after i was forced to leave wattpad they attempted to continue my legacy by making a daily Q book of their own. together with pluto, they're the utah duo

DIEmention, GAE-FOR-YOU / Witched_ , minty_salad, holywaternotfoundd, A-Funny-Punny-Bunny, Itz_Fliss_pog, luvmarley and cazzlin were also in the gc but they didn't have much lore

i left wattpad a while ago so my memory's a bit hazy on people's usernames, and i'm sure i didn't mention everyone, but if anyone still remembers me and wants to be friends i would love to.

i miss everybody so much <3 love y'all

[stargazer-sims]

Postscript (Journal Entry #61)

Journal Entry #60 // STORY INDEX

Yuri

Hello everyone! Guess where we are!

If you guessed Sulani, then you'd be correct. I suppose the golden sand and gorgeous blue ocean behind me were a giveaway, weren't they? I couldn't resist recording my final entry out here on the deck of our rented beach house. It seems fitting somehow to end our journal in the place that inspired the creation of it; beautiful, magical Sulani.

Victor and I talked about whether or not we wanted to continue documenting our lives once we relocated to Willow Creek, and we agreed that it's time to close the curtain on this particular show. Our journal has served us well. It’s allowed us to work through some very difficult thoughts and feelings, and I believe it's helped us grow, or at least helped us to mark our growth. But, we both feel we've moved beyond it now. We want to focus on new and different things.

Still, I had to make one last video, just to tell you about my big reward. Yes, our adventure in this tropical paradise is indeed the thing I hinted about in my previous entry.

Of course you know we were planning to travel here anyway, but Victor came up with the plan that we should go as soon as we could after I completed my sixty consecutive days of being formula-free. He pitched the idea to my parents, who are paying for the trip, and they thought it was brilliant. I successfully made it to my sixtieth day on October first, and we left Willow Creek on the fourth.

The timing turned out to be excellent, as our first wedding anniversary was yesterday, the eighth of October. I couldn't have asked for a more fitting way to celebrate it.

Yesterday morning, Victor woke me up early so we could watch the sunrise together. Then, we packed a picnic breakfast and walked along the beach until we found the perfect spot to enjoy it.

Later in the morning, we went on an ocean sightseeing tour. I'd never been in a boat bigger than a dinghy or canoe before, and I'd never been out on the ocean. At first I was nervous, but it didn't take me long to relax, and I discovered that I quite like boats.

Our tour guide said that we might see merpeople. I wasn't sure if he was joking or not, but Victor seemed convinced. He still swears he met a real merman when he was here last time.

I probably don't need to tell you that we didn't actually see merpeople, but that didn't diminish the tour in any way. In one place, we sailed past an inactive volcano, and in another place the water was so clear that we were able to look over the side of the boat and see a coral garden and dozens of brightly-coloured fish. We saw dolphins too, and they didn't seem afraid of humans. They swam right up to the boat, nearly close enough to touch.

I'll admit I kind of fell in love with them. Last night, Victor got online and found a place where people can swim with dolphins. We're going there tomorrow afternoon, and I can hardly wait.

After our boat tour, we explored some of the little souvenir stands and food stalls along the waterfront in town, where we bought postcards, snacks, and matching t-shirts. Then we boarded a decrepit old bus that took us to our afternoon excursion to a community garden where we could pick fruit.

That was one of the activities I'd really been looking forward to, and I was absolutely delighted that we were able to harvest our own pineapples as well as some other tropical delicacies. Pineapple was the thing I'd most wanted to try, and I wanted my first taste of it to be freshly picked.

If you've never handled a pineapple before, here's a bit of advice. Don't hug them, even if you're excited. They're very thorny.

I let Victor have the honour of cutting up our pineapple when we got back to our rental. He joked that it was a lot like me, prickly and difficult to hug, but bright and sweet on the inside. As much as I wanted to deny it, I couldn't say he was wrong. I'm wary of strangers, and being hugged really isn't my thing unless Victor is the one who's hugging me. When we’d first started living together, I didn't even like letting him do it, but eventually he worked his way past the thorns and got down to the sweet part.

The inside of the pineapple was vibrant yellow, and the aroma coming from it was divine. Once Victor was done cutting it, he put all the pieces in a big blue plastic bowl we found in one of the cabinets, and carried it outside to the deck. I followed him, my mouth watering in anticipation.

I was momentarily startled when I realized the mere thought of eating the tropical fruit we'd picked was making me salivate. It was an utterly foreign sensation, but not unwelcome. Something like that had never happened to me before, and I wondered briefly how I'd managed to live for twenty-six years and never experience firsthand what 'mouth-watering' really meant. Slightly embarrassed, I swallowed several times.

Victor gave me a quizzical look. "You okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine," I said, as I sat across from him at the small patio table. The bowl of pineapple was between us, and I gave it a small nod. "I just... really want to eat that and I was, ah... I was literally drooling over it a little."

Victor laughed. "Is this gonna be like that first strawberry after you got your G-tube?"

"It's going to be better," I said.

"Well then, let's see." He picked up a spear of pineapple and extended his arm toward me. "Here, I'll hold it for you."

"No." I shook my head. "I want to do it myself."

"Okay." Victor pulled his hand back, still grasping the fruit he'd taken from the bowl, but he didn't bite into it. Clearly, he was waiting for me to go first. He smiled encouragingly. "You got this."

I selected a piece that I judged to be as big as the one Victor had chosen. The fruit was sticky with juice and pleasantly warm from the sun shining on it, and if I'd thought the scent was heavenly while the pineapple was still in the bowl, it was positively transcendent up close. I took a deep breath, just savouring it for a moment until my mouth started watering again.

I wasn't shy about my first bite. The old me would've nibbled tentatively, too afraid to get a proper mouthful, but not this version of me. The new, brave Yuri fit as much of the pineapple spear into his mouth as seemed reasonable, and bit with confidence. Pineapple juice ran down my chin, and more trickled over my hand from the piece I was still holding, and I didn't care.

It was as if a thousand tiny explosions of pleasure went off simultaneously inside my mouth. The flavour of the pineapple was both tart and sweet, and the texture was firm but not difficult to chew. It was amazing, the best thing I'd ever tasted, and the peak of sensual gratification was so intense that I think my brain might've switched itself off for a second or two.

I opened my eyes to discover Victor staring at me. He still held his untouched piece of pineapple, and I think he must've been watching me the entire time.

"Wow," was all he said.

I looked around for a napkin or paper towel. Belatedly remembering we hadn't brought any outside with us, I wiped my sticky face with the back of my hand instead. All that accomplished was to make more of a mess, but I resolved not to worry about it. I could always wash up later.

I licked some juice off my thumb. "What?"

"The look on your face… I guess I don't need to ask if it's good."

"It's..." I struggled to find a sufficient word to describe it, but then quickly decided a single word would not be enough. "It tastes like joy. Like dreams come true, and new beginnings, and the promise of wonderful things."

"Wow," Victor said again. "All that from pineapple?"

I smiled. "Have you ever experienced a feeling like you know you're exactly where you're supposed to be in life? That you've got everything you'd ever wanted up to that point?"

"I'm not sure," he confessed. "There are still a few things I want. But if you're asking whether or not I'm happy, don't worry. I am."

"It makes me happy to know you're happy, but that's not quite what I meant," I said. "For the longest time, I didn't even know what being happy would feel like. I didn't let myself have dreams, and I was scared to make plans or set goals because I didn't think I could ever achieve anything and I didn't want to have to cope with the pain when I failed."

"But, you've done loads of awesome stuff this year," Victor said. "You've been totally crushing your goals."

"Because I finally saw that I'd never understand what happiness felt like if I didn't start trying," I said. "Eating that first strawberry after my surgery... taking the first step felt so good. I knew I wanted to keep on feeling like that."

"And now you do?"

"Yes. Now I do."

This has been a year of change for me, a year of learning, and perhaps the most important lesson I've learned is that I'm responsible for my own happiness. I've also discovered that happiness is a journey. The road isn't always smooth, but setbacks and challenges aren't a sign of failure. They're opportunities to try again, several times over if necessary, and now I see that neither my success nor my worth as a person are defined by how many attempts I have to make.

My newfound understanding has been nothing short of empowering for me. It's allowed me to take charge of my life in ways I'd never done before, and to make choices for myself that support my well-being and place less accountability on the people around me. And do you know what? It feels good. Until recently, I never would've imagined that taking on so much responsibility would make me feel so free and strong.

It's fitting for a love story to end with 'they lived happily ever after', and I don't think mine should be an exception. The story I’ve been telling through our journal is my love story after all, not just with my beautiful Victor, but with myself. I'm proud of the person I'm becoming, and I love his courage and resilience and his newly-opened mind that's ready to be filled with amazing possibilities.

Now that I know what happiness feels like, I can say with confidence, I will live happily ever after.

[kazoosandfannypacks]

Just the Way We Roll by kazoosandfannypacks

Pairing: Captain Swan Rating: General Audiences Word Count: 3K Summary: Killian Jones is just a simple teenager trying to navigate life. But when his brothers try to help him talk to his crush, it doesn't quite go as planned. Author’s notes: [In this fic, Liam II is named William, and Emma and Henry aren't related.] I feel like "Killian as a middle sibling" isn't a dynamic used nearly enough in fics, and decided to play around with "his brothers try to help him flirt and it doesn't go well." Taglist: @zahara @kmomof4 @jonesfandomfanatic @booksteaandtoomuchtv @jrob64 @tiganasummertree @anmylica @teamhook @undercaffinatednightmare @gingerchangeling @lonelyspectator @caught-in-the-filter @ultraluckycatnd @cs-rylie @silver-the-phoenix @pawshapedheart  [if you’d like to be added to or removed from this list, hmu in my dms or askbox!] Also on Ao3!

 Being an older sibling seemed easy enough. Having people who always look up to you, paving your own path, never living in someone else's shadow- it all comes so easy to the oldest sibling.

 Being a younger sibling didn't seem too hard either. Your parents are more lax on the rules, they make less mistakes because they've learned from how they messed up your older siblings, and you've got older siblings to look out for you.

 But being a middle sibling was difficult. Keeping an eye out for your younger siblings, living in the shadow of your older siblings- your parents still messing up with you, yet having expectations for you from your older siblings. It was the worst of both worlds- but after ten years of having a younger brother and seventeen of having an older brother, Killian was used to it. He'd gotten used to the fact that William would beg to tag along anywhere he went. He'd gotten used to the fact that Liam would always be around to tease him. He'd gotten used to the hand-me-downs and the handing-down, to needing advice and then giving advice, to being annoyed by his younger brother and annoying his older brother.

 But if there's one thing he didn't think he'd ever get used to, it was his brothers' outgoing natures. To William and Liam both, a stranger was just a friend they hadn't met yet, whether it was a kid William met at the McDonald's playplace or a new employee Liam met at the local ice cream stand. Liam's charisma and William's enthusiasm were enough to charm the hearts of any stranger.

 Killian, however, was not so gifted at meeting new people. For one thing, he didn't really need to be- Liam's friends had always accepted him as part of the group anyways- and for another, he didn't usually care to. He wasn't a huge fan of talking to people, never knowing what to say, or how to say it, or when- it was easier if he just didn't talk at all. He had plenty of online friends, anyways, from his RPG groups and writing circles, and he'd always been content with just that.

 That is, until his older brother dragged him along with him to the local pizza parlor for dinner. Their mom was away for the night (and their dad had been away for much longer,) and Killian had been looking forward to spending an evening in, planning on proofreading a manuscript one of his friends had been begging him to beta.

 Unfortunately, Liam had decided they'd have much more fun going out for pizza that night, and William agreed- much to Killian's dismay. So, instead of reading his friend's historical fantasy WIP while listening to his favorite gaming soundtracks, he found himself eating pizza with his brother, in a seat much too close to the nearby jukebox, which was playing "What's New, Pussycat" for what seemed like the twenty-first time.

 But he didn't mind it nearly as much as he thought he would. After William had devoured a couple slices of pizza, he'd run off to play at the arcade consoles with a new friend he'd made. Liam then began talking with Killian about some of their friends, and Liam's upcoming victories as captain of the football team, and which of the Spiderman movies was the best adaptation.

 But what really made him enjoy his time- or, at the very least, made him stop wishing that he was back home by himself- was when he noticed some girls from school, sitting at a table across the way- one of those girls being the new girl, Emma Swan.

 If ever there was a person Killian was scared to talk to, it was Emma Swan. Her golden hair and charming smile were enough to turn loose the butterflies in his stomach- but her confidence, even in her new surroundings, combined with how quickly she'd fallen in with some of the cooler girls- altogether she was too cool for him to even think about talking to her.

 Fortunately for Killian, girls like her didn't tend to notice guys like him, so she didn't notice how much he was staring at her from his seat behind the jukebox.

 Unfortunately for Killian, big brothers always notice when you're crushing on someone.

 "Does she go to our school?" Liam asked.

 Killian turned back to Liam, trying to pretend he hadn't been staring at Emma- the last thing he needed was Liam meddling with his fantasy.

 "Who?" Killian asked.

 "That girl you haven't been able to take your eyes off since she came in."

 "I don't know what you're talking about." Killian said, making the mistake of glancing back at Emma and her friends- and seeing her laugh at one of her friend's jokes, which brought a tell-tale smile to his face.

 "Killian Jones," Liam said, "you are the worst liar I've ever met."

 "Am not!" Killian said.

 "You like her," Liam smiled.

 "She's just a girl from school," Killian said, "she's new; I barely know her."

 "What's stopping you?" Liam asked.

 "From getting to know her?" Killian asked, half laughing.

 "Just go over there and talk to her," Liam said.

 Killian knew Liam was only trying to be supportive, but at the same time, he could've said "just go jump in a pit of razor blades" and Killian would've been more willing to oblige.

 "Talk to her?" Killian asked, "me? It's not that easy."

 "Why not?" Liam asked, "just go over and say 'hi.'"

 "Maybe the captain of the football team can do that," Killian said, but "I don't think I could…."

 "Exactly, don't think," Liam said, standing up, "just do it.  Thinking's what gets you into trouble."

 "What?" Killian asked, his brother already having walked around the table to the jukebox.

 "This'll be your song," Liam said, putting a few quarters in the slot, "it'll boost your confidence."

 "What song?" Killian asked, getting up to look at the jukebox, knowing there was no point in trying to stop his brother when he had his mind made up.

 "Our jam," Liam put a hand on his brother's shoulder, "That's Just The Way We Roll."

 "Jonas Brothers?" Killian asked, "You want me to talk to Emma with Jonas Brothers playing in the background?"

 "Only thing better than the Joe Bros is the Jones Bros," Liam wiped a dab of sauce off Killian's face, "even if one of them needs a little more confidence."

 "I still don't know about this," Killian said.

 Their conversation was interrupted by William, who'd apparently exhausted all his arcade quarters.

 "Do you have any more quarters?" William asked Liam, "Henry and I ran out."

 "Who's Henry?" Killian asked.

 "My new friend," William said.

 "How'd you like to help your brother make a new friend now?" Liam asked William.

 "You?"

 "I don't need your help," Liam said, "but there's a pretty girl over there who's caught Killian's eye, and he needs our help to impress her."

 "I don't need…"

 "Okay!" William said, "what do you need me to do?"

 "Just follow my lead," Liam said, "and make Killian look good."

 "You got it!" William said.

 "I woke up, on the roof, with my brothers," the jukebox played.

 "That's your cue," Liam said. He put his hand on Killian's shoulder and pushed him ahead of them, towards Emma and her friends.

 "I wonder how much paperwork goes into disowning your older brother," Killian thought, as they got closer to the table and he still didn't know what he was gonna say.

 The girls at the table stopped talking and looked up at them, their eyes quizzically fixed on the Jones brothers.

 "Hi," Killian said, his stomach in knots and shoulders tense, "I uh, we go to the same school."

 "Emma, is it?" Liam reached around his brother to shake Emma's hand, "I'm Liam."

 "No need to introduce yourself," one of the other girls, whom Killian recognized from the cheerleading squad, interrupted, "I think we all know the captain of the football team when we see him."

 "Anna, right?" Liam asked, "Kristoff's girlfriend?"

 "That's me," Anna nudged the girl next to her, "and this is my sister, Elsa." 

 "A pleasure to meet you both," Liam said, flashing a dazzling smile at Elsa, then turning slightly to Emma, "and have you met my brother, Killian?"

 "I've seen you around," Emma smiled a little, not at Killian, "I didn't pick up on the familial connection, I guess."

 "Jones is a fairly common last name," Liam said, "and Killian hasn't picked up on nearly as much of the family charisma and charm as I have."

 Even if Killian had found his voice, he couldn't've argued with that.

 "And I'm William!" William piped in, "I'm their brother!"

 "Oh?" Elsa smiled at the child, "are you on the football team too?"

 "I don't even go to your school!" William said, "but I go to all of Liam's football games. I'd go to Killian's games too, if he was good at sports."

 "What part of 'make Killian look good' does he not understand?" Killian thought, before realizing it was probably the word "Killian."

 "Yet another thing that didn't run in the family," Liam smiled.

 "Would you guys like to join us?" Anna asked, sliding herself over and pulling her sister along with her, "I'm sure we can make room for you."

 "We'd love to," Liam said. He slid into the now-empty space in the booth, next to Elsa.

 Killian took a seat in the booth next to Emma, feeling a little too uncomfortable to even look at her.

 "This was a bad idea," Killian thought, sitting at the edge of the booth, hoping his cheeks weren't red from either embarrassment, awkwardness, or any more stray pizza sauce.

 Whether fortunately or unfortunately, Killian wasn't quite sure yet, but either way, William crawled under the table and popped back up between Emma and Killian, taking a seat between them.

 William tugged at Killian's sleeve and motioned for him to lean down. Killian did so, and William cupped his hands around his ear to whisper to him- but when you're ten years old, it's hard to tell the difference between "whispering" and "talking so loud the whole restaurant can hear it." Unfortunately for Killian, William did the latter.

 "Is she the girl you can't impress?" William asked, his voice somehow a million times louder than usual, "the one you needed our help with?"

 Killian blushed a little, glancing up at Liam and reading his expression, knowing that it was definitely loud enough, at the very least, for the whole table to hear.

 "I never said that," Killian scratched the back of his neck, behind his ear.

 "Shhhhh!" William reminded him they were supposed to be whispering, "you didn't, Liam did, remember? He said you need more confidence and there's a pretty girl you can't impress without our help."

 Killian hid his face in his hand, wondering now how much paperwork went into disowning himself.

 Liam pulled a few quarters out of his pocket.

 "Why don't you head back to the X-Wing Fighters game?" he asked, handing William the quarters.

 "Okay!" William said, "Nice meeting you girls!"

 "It was nice meeting you too," Anna said, as William crawled across Killian, adding injury to insult as he left the booth.

 Killian looked at Emma out of the corner of his eye, and behind her soda sipping straw was a sympathetic smile.

 "Great, just what I need," Killian thought, "she probably feels sorry for me."

 Killian hunched his shoulders and looked away from her, intently studying a stain on the table. He then remembered what Liam said about the song playing on the jukebox, and listened closely to the lyrics now playing.

 "If we lose, all the girls, they'll be laughing"

 "They'll be laughing pretty soon here if I open my big mouth and say something stupid," Killian thought.

 He looked up at his brother and took heart, knowing that at least one of the Jones brothers knew how to function in society.

 "I don't see how Liam got all the charisma and charm." Killian thought, "I want to go home- or, at least, go sit at the table behind the jukebox like none of this happened. I don't know how to talk to people, let alone girls."

 "So, do you ladies come here often?" Liam asked.

 "Anna and I do," Elsa said, "our favorite weekend hangout- this is our first time bringing Emma along with us though."

 "I just moved in a couple weeks ago," Emma said, "Anna and Elsa've been helping me adjust pretty well though. Our parents have apparently been friends since before any of us were born."

 "Glad to see you're, uh, well adjusted so far," Killian said, wondering if that sounded as awkward as he thought it did once he'd said it.

 "Thanks, I guess," Emma said.

 "Have you stopped by Scoops and Shakes yet?" Liam asked Emma.

 "Not yet," Emma said, "Elsa and Anna told me it's the best ice cream place in town though." "A slight understatement," Liam said, "one of the best on the planet. Perhaps my brother and I could you treat you ladies there tonight?"

 "Sounds pretty cool," Elsa said.

 "That was an ice one," Liam smiled.

 Emma groaned and rolled her eyes as Anna and Liam laughed.

 "I've got snow problem coming up with them," Elsa said.

 "You're quite clever," Liam smiled, then glanced at Killian, a look in his eyes that said he'd forgotten his role as wingman, but was just remembering it.

 "Care to join us at Scoops and Shakes after this?" Liam asked Emma.

 "I don't know," Emma said.

 "I'm sure my brother would be glad for your company," Liam smiled.

 Emma looked at Killian, expectantly, and he realized now he'd have to say something to her- something smooth, calculated, charming, cool- like Liam would. He opened his mouth to speak, but couldn't come up with anything.

 "That's it;" Killian thought, "I'm stopping by the county offices tomorrow and disowning myself. I'll go join Uncle Nemo's shipping company in Maine, never look back."

 "No, I, uh," Killian stammered, wondering how to avoid coming on too strong without avoiding coming on at all. "I might be able to uh," he made the mistake of looking at Emma, rendering himself entirely speechless at the sight of her smile.

 "You're really pretty," Killian mumbled.

 "What was that?" Emma asked, her tone not revealing if she liked what she heard.

 Killian covered his tracks- but covered them with the dirt beneath his feet, digging himself into a deep hole.

 "I said I need to use the privy!" Killian said, even louder than William had "whispered" to him earlier. He got up from his seat quickly, and ran to the bathroom.

 He shut the door of one of the bathroom stalls, not needing to use the bathroom, of course, but needing to step back and think, and wondering if his mom would still write to him if he ran away to Maine.

 "Curse that brother of mine," he muttered to himself, "why can't he understand that we're not all like him? I can't be him."

 But maybe that was Killian's problem. Maybe he was trying too hard to be like his brother- so much so he was neglecting to be himself.

 But if he was really gonna be himself, he'd be in his room right now, by himself, perfectly content to stay that way.

 When he left the bathroom, he saw William and his new friend playing at one of the arcade consoles, and figured it was as good an excuse as any to keep stalling.

 "How're you doing, kid?" Killian rubbed his little brother's hair. "Putting that Imperial Scum in their place?"

 "No!" William said. "We can't seem to get past this TIE Interceptor."

 Killian smiled. Taking on a whole fleet of TIEs was easier for him than trying to woo a girl.

 "May I?" Killian asked.

 William quickly stepped off to the side, and Killian took his place in front of the console. As he'd suspected, he did pretty well taking down the enemy invasion, and soon lost himself in the rush of the game and the cheers of the younger boys.

 "I think I got it from here," William smiled, pushing his big brother out of the way, "thanks!" "Man, we never could've gotten this far without your brother!" Henry told him.

 Satisfied that he'd at least done something right in the last ten minutes, he turned around, with a smile on his face. He quickly realized, though, that he hadn't noticed another spectator to his game- until he turned around and almost ran into her.

 "That's some pretty good shooting there, Red Five," Emma smiled.

 "I, uh," Killian took a deep breath, "I didn't peg you for a Star Wars fan."

 "Why not?" Emma crossed her arms, "because I'm a girl?" "Of course not," Killian said, "it's just rare to meet someone else who shares my interests, especially someone as cool as you."

 "You think I'm cool?" Emma asked.

 "Yeah," Killian said, "not many people can claim good looks alongside knowing Luke Skywalker's callsign."

 "I think someone else here can," Emma smiled.

 Killian blushed a little, his mouth an open smile as he thought of what to say next- not of what his brother would say next, but what he would say next.

 "Do you game as well?"

 "Sometimes," Emma said, "though I'm not very good at it."

 "Have you ever played the Fallen Order games?" "Haven't had the time or motivation yet," Emma said.

 "Liam and I have them on the XBox," Killian said, "If you'd ever did have the time or motivation, I'd love to show you."

 "Sounds like a date," Emma said. 

 "Only if you wanted it to be," Killian said, shyly looking down at his shoes.

 "Speaking of dates," Emma said, "did you wanna join the others over at Scoops and Shakes? I hear it's the best ice cream on the planet."

 "Liam was being facetious when he said that," Killian said, "but it is one of the best on a student's budget." They started to walk away, but he suddenly remembered his little brother.

 "William," Killian turned back to his brother, "time to go."

 "Go?" William asked, not turning his back on his game, "already? Five more minutes?" Killian rolled his eyes, then mouthed "watch this" to Emma.

 "We're getting ice cream," Killian said.

 "Finish it for me!" William jumped away from the console as Henry stepped into his place.

 "You got it, Gold Leader," Henry said, "may the force be with you!"

 "May the force be with you!" William called back, already past Emma and Killian and on his way to the door.

 "Shall we?" Killian asked, holding a hand out, gesturing in front of them.

 "Yeah," Emma smiled, and, much to his surprise, took Killian's hand in hers.

 He blushed, hoping his hand wasn't sweating too much, having never held hands with a girl before.

 As they rejoined with the others, Liam nodded at Killian and gave him a discreet thumbs up, to which Killian nodded in return.

 Killian looked back over at Emma and smiled a little, realizing that he wouldn't've gotten this close to her if Liam hadn't pushed him, and that maybe, just maybe, he didn't need to disown himself just yet.

[sam7sparks7]

Only making this because I'm very emotional right now and I don't want to go to any of my online friends with this because it's the kind of thing that only hurts temporarily and I will be fine later so I don't want them to make efforts when it will get resolved by itself, so I am putting this here for the void.

I will feel better when I type this out and go to sleep, tomorrow this won't hurt so much cause that's how my brain works. Just need to talk it out and cry.

I really like a person. They like me too. We were close then they got a lot of real life and we drifted apart. I missed them so so so terribly I went and did thing something I would never do unless I was explicitly asked - join a group chat.

I am terrible in group chats. I am a wonderful conversationlist one on one, but put me in a group and all of it goes away. Somehow anytime I speak in any chat (barring a few very nice ones) I end up getting ignored so badly it is almost funny now. Almost.

Anyway that person, I missed them and all the things I could talk with them. So I found a group and started sharing some of my thoughts there (I'm being deliberately vauge).

I was not as ignored as I had steeled myself for. I was so happily surprised that I let myself feel hopeful that I had gotten over my groupchat curse. Feeling comfortable I shared something I had created (it met the guidelines), I was optimistic about the kind of reception it might get. I waited. No one interacted with it. I waited. Days later someone else posted a different thing after my lonely post (kinda feel like adding a lol at the end of the line because I think I am writing too dramatically about my flop post lol). They got a conversation on their creation.

Obviously it felt very bad, my thing laying there for days and nothing and then someone else posts they get so much. The group are good people with an encouraging and supportive environment, and here I was feeling like such an outsider, like somehow what I made was so bad that no one wanted to even think of it. Wanting a good grade in groupchat, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve ha.

And rationally I know, timezones exist and real life is a priority and sometimes people just do not have the energy, especially for a stranger, like even when you're tired you'll be making an effort for a friend, not for someone you barely know. So yeah I know all of this and I understand this, and yet right now my heart is so hurt.

I am angry and I am sad and I am crying because before I met that person I was as alone with my ideas as I am right now, but at least I did not know what it feels like to have someone respond when you share, someone showing an interest and giving you love. And it's not the group's fault and it's not my person's fault, I'm not angry at either of them. There are days when life just sucks and right now it's one of those moments for me.

I believe in better to have loved and lost, than not have loved at all. I will feel better tomorrow morning, when I wake up with my cat asking for food. I will feel better tomorrow night when I watch television with my parents. I will feel better with time and work and I will again talk in the group chat because it's not a big deal, texts get lost in the volume of an active conversation all the time, it happens and it's alright.

Right now though, right now I will cry a bit more and feel bad about myself until I fall asleep.