#then she asks what it means and I have to explain that it's an incomplete excerpt from a treatise about how no one wants pain

[villainessbian]

Girl I just accompanied home: won't you stay for a last drink? ;) Me: before this goes any further I must warn you... Her: oh no baby is everything okay? Me: it's just that I have a speech impediment... a lips Her: a lisp? Me: a l- a lips- a lipsum. Her: a what? Me: a lipsum, a- a- oh god I can't hold it in any longer. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet consectetur adipiscing elit

[gghostwriter]

You’re the Risk, I’ll Take it

Spencer Reid x BAU!Fem!Reader

Summary: The three times Spencer followed advice and the one time he didn't (or as I'd like to better explain it, the three times Spencer fails to flirt and the one time it worked)

Warning: fluff! Just fluff!

A/n: I wanted to write something cute this time with Season 1 Spencer in mind--one of the best eras if you ask me. Hopefully I did him justice in this. The idea of this cute baby boy trying to flirt is too precious honestly. Also, if a guy did the last act for me, I'd fold like a lawn chair, yep. Risk by Gracie Abrams was on repeat while I was writing this and no proof reading was done. Let me know what you think!

Main masterlist

The first move Spencer tried was advised by Derek Morgan, the renowned ladies man

“Kid, admit it. You like her,” Morgan pestered him with a slight smile on his face. 

Spencer scoffed, trying to throw him off from the truth but monumentally failing. “S-she’s my closest friend. We joined the team at the same time, of course I feel most comfortable with her,” he noted his companion’s eyebrows raising higher and higher with each word. “Plus, she likes hearing what I say even if it has no relation to the case. She asks me questions and genuinely remembers.”

Now it was Morgan’s turn to scoff. “You could be talking about Star Trek and it’s physics mistakes and she’ll still hang on to every word you say.” 

“Actually, there aren’t that many scientific errors in Star Trek. Especially considering—”

“Reid.” 

“Right,” he nodded once, trying to push away the urge to continue further. “That still doesn’t mean I like her.” 

Morgan tapped the wheel twice before turning to face his partner. “Then answer me this. How do you feel when she walks through the office doors?” 

“Happy, I get the same feeling when I see you or Elle come in too,” he found his fingers very interesting then. Like they held the key to unlocking the mysteries of Dark Matter and the answer to the controversial scientific theory ‘Do parallel universe exist?’. He wasn’t telling the whole truth—didn’t want to because how could he, a man of science, explain the other bodily reactions he has when you walk in a room. How he hears his heart stutter in his chest with just a glimpse of you—the first time it happened, he thought nothing of it, but by the third, he considered making an appointment with a specialist for possible heart arrhythmia. How he sees the room brighten when you smile in his direction—perhaps light sensitivity, and how he feels his body heat up when you utter the words ‘Good morning, Spence.’—possibly hot flashes. Self diagnosis that he ruled out once he found you to be the common denominator. That left him with a riddle, a personal conundrum he lost countless of sleep over trying to solve.

“That’s a lie, Reid. You can’t be that happy to see me. You never blush like a tomato when I enter the room. For Greenaway, I could see it but for me, nu-uh,” he argued back. “Okay, what about when she’s not there, what do you feel then?” 

“Sad, similar to how I’d react with you and Elle,” he blurted out another half truth. Another surface level answer that doesn’t fully cover how lost he feels without your comforting presence beside him, how gloomy any room he enters in without you in it, and how incomplete his days were without hearing your voice. 

Morgan snickered. “Lies, you have to learn how to lie better to fool an FBI profiler, Reid. You don’t think I—the team, notice that you’re quieter when she isn’t on the case with us?”

“Wait. Wait, the whole team?” His voice goes up an octave. You were part of the team, did that mean you knew of the effect you had on him too? “D-Does everyone have the same idea as you do? Everyone?” 

“Not everyone, kid. Your secret is still safe,” He smiled wide like a cat that caught the canary. “So it’s true then, you like her.” 

Spencer knew there was no escape from trap, he was just glad that his secret still remained classified from the other party involved. His shoulders sagged as he nodded to confirm Morgan’s findings.

“So what’s your play then?”

His head whipped to face his companion so fast he felt his meticulously styled hair escape the confines of his ears. “Play? There’s no play. Nothing. I’m not going to do anything and this conversation stays between us.” 

“Oh c’mon lover boy, you have to do something,” Morgan challenged. “Y’know she likes you back, right?” 

“No she doesn’t! I mean, why would she?” Spencer rambled on, unable to comprehend what Morgan was saying. “She’s her—beautiful, smart, and cool. Every case we get, there’s at least one police officer hitting on her. And I’m me—I talk too much and get awkward in every situation. The exact opposite!”

“Reid, don’t sell yourself short. She likes you, trust me on this.” He paused, listening to the update on the intercom before continuing on. “So here’s what you’re going to do. Compliment her outfit, girls appreciate that. Easy enough, don’t you think?”

Spencer really didn’t think so after all he had the tendency to go off on a tangent whenever he talks to you but he agrees nonetheless. If Morgan believes he could do it then he couldn’t mess it up, right?

———

Wrong. It was wrong to take Morgan’s advice. Never mind he can recall everything he has ever read, never mind he has an IQ of 187. What good were his talents if he, Dr. Spencer Reid, couldn’t string the proper sentences along?

It started when you walked into the office wearing this light yellow blouse that made you more radiant than he thought possible. It was as if the a ray of sun had graced the bullpen and stunned his mind into silence, rendering him tongue-tied. All his monologues and hypothesis bouncing around his overactive brain fell away and the only thing he could think of was how pretty you look.

Morgan cleared his throat, bringing him back to the living. Spencer averted his awestruck gaze and busied himself with an imaginary lint on his red sweater. 

“Hey Y/N, did anything good this weekend?” Morgan asked as you settled into your desk adjacent to his.

You shrugged nonchalantly and teased back. “I bet it wasn’t good as yours, Morgan. Picked anyone up last Friday or are your charms no longer working?”

“Huh, i see where this is going. Somebody woke up on the wrong side of bed today.”

Morgan chanced a peek at Spencer and internally groaned. How you didn’t notice the kid’s crush on you was beyond him—all the staring and blushing he does when you’re near was a dead giveaway.

“Reid. Reid,” Morgan called out.

He closed his mouth and gulped. “Hm, what?” 

Morgan pointedly stared at him and titled his head towards your direction. A movement lost to you as you noted Elle leaving Gideon’s office.

Spencer opened his mouth to catch your attention but before he could even utter your name, Elle intervened. “Question for you, the foot path killer. Why’d he stutter?”

You swiveled to face her, not having caught Spencer’s intent to speak to you. The unit chief then called them in for a case—an arson case in a university campus. His shoulders drooped as they rushed to the jet afterwards with no chance of small talk. 

When there was a lull in the plane—case discussion finished, he steeled his already apprehensive nerves and took the chance, quickly wishing he hadn’t.

“S-so, your shirt’s yellow,” he stated out loud like it was some sort of revelation. 

“Yes,” you drawled out, unsure as to where he was going with this. “That’s right, Spencer.”

He drummed his fingers on the table and continued on. “Did you know that airplanes tend to avoid the color yellow as it causes dizziness and nausea? A number of studies have shown those exact results and that’s why it’s almost never used in interiors of various forms of transportation and rarely use in advertising. It’s like how the red is the most common color used by restaurants as it psychologically makes the viewer hungry.”

You looked down on your top. Yellow was one of your favorites and you specifically chose this as Penelope said and you quote, it looks good on you, brings out your eyes. Boy genius would probably react to it too so naively you splurged on it. But this—this wasn’t the response you were hoping for. “Spence, are you saying my shirt is making you feel nauseous?”

He blushed and stammered out a strong refusal. “What, no! No! I—I meant to say—you, you look nice.”

You giggled under your breath, finding his long-winded route to giving you a compliment cute. “Nice nice or airsickness nice?” 

“Nice! Just nice!” He defended on, his voice cracking at the end. He caught Morgan’s wide eyed gaze then as if he couldn’t believe what train wreck he just witnessed. 

Cheeks heating up further, Spencer slouched in his seat and busied himself with the files wishing that he could build a memory eraser so he could wipe the events from his and the team’s minds or better yet, a time machine to redo the whole thing all over again.

The second move Spencer tried was advised by Elle Greenaway, the new recruit

“Do you think it’s weird that I knew that ballad?” He questioned during one of their cases in San Diego. It bothered him since the start of the case. How Morgan had teased him about his incapability of asking out the opposite sex. Never mind that you defended him right back, that’s a lie, it made him feel special that you did but the joke was still true. A cold stone truth. 

Elle laughed, flipping her phone repeatedly on the table while waiting for the unsub to take the bait. “I don’t know how you know half the stuff you know, but I’m glad you do.”

“Do you think that’s why I can’t get a date?” He asked as he fiddled with the unfinished Rubik’s cube in his hands.

“Have you ever asked her out?”

There was no need to ask who Elle was referring to, everyone knew of his innocent—well maybe not so innocent at times specifically during his state of dreaming—crush for the second youngest member of the team. He shifted his eyes to focus a few tables before his—at you, sitting beside JJ. “No."

“That’s why you can’t get a date.” 

One of the precincts phone then rang, it was the unsub, causing him to table that conversation in his vast memory. 

———

There’s an English saying that states ‘the second time is the charm’ and Spencer was hoping there were some truth to the idiom even with no scientific explanation to back it up. 

A few cases after San Diego, he got an opening that he was unexpectedly looking for. The team was on their way back from a case in Virginia. It was late and the profilers were all tucked in their little corners of the jet decompressing while you and Spencer were huddled on the sofa quietly discussing Doctor Who. 

“How could you say your favorite is the Ninth Doctor when you haven’t even seen the older episodes?” He rambled, clearly he would have to do something about your limited knowledge in the great universe of Doctor Who. He’d like to explain it all, 695 episodes of the classic era to you. He’d take any topic really just to have your interest.

You stared into his hazel speckled eyes and smiled, amused by his reaction. “It’s a bit hard to catch up on a show that’s been around since the 70s. Plus, it’s a challenge to look for copies.” 

“Actually, the show started in the 60s—1963, to be exact,” he clarified. “Garcia has copies we could borrow and watch together. If that’s—” he cleared his throat and clenched his fists closed, feeling his nails dig into his palms. “—that’s alright with you. If—if not, there’s a convention happening this weekend. I have an extra ticket, if you want to come with—only if you’re not busy, I mean.”

“And risk you spoiling every episode to me? I’d rather watch it alone, if you don’t mind.”

That dragged his optimism to a crash as if a twenty ton weight landed on his chest, rendering him immovable. Of course you were going to say no. There was no proof that you’d reciprocate his interests—he inwardly cursed himself for believing otherwise.

“But, I’d like to go with you to the convention,” you said and silently added as your date to yourself, shifting in your seat with a blush blooming on your cheeks at the thought. “Always wanted to go to one. If you’re fine with me not being in a costume. I think it’ll be too late to find one, don’t you think?”

Just like that, the weight on his chest lifted, making him feel weightless with glee. A wide smile grew on his face, threatening to burst his cheeks as he shook his head. “That’s alright! But you—you can always dress up as Rose!”

You titled your head to the side. “Rose?” 

“You know, the Ninth Doctor’s companion?”

“I know who she is, Spence. I just thought you didn’t watch the revived series?”

He softly scoffed. “I never said that! I watched it too, mainly to compare it to the classics but I’ve seen it.”

You leaned in, wanting to ask about his opinion on it. “Well, what do you think? I happen to be part of the minority who think the actor who reprised the role did alright.”

He liked seeing you like this. It made him feel like a puppy who had his owner’s undivided attention. All wide eyed and interested in his conjectures as to why the actor was alright himself but the problems were his short stint—making people vilify him over that decision—and the material some of the writers came up with. He appreciated you nodding along and supplying your own thoughts on the subject. It warmed his heart that here was a beautiful, smart, and cool person—way out of his league, he might add—giving her precious time away to discuss a nerdy sci-fi show that he could not rant and rave to about to anyone on the team, except for Penelope, and she’s rarely on the field with them. 

Your show of interest made him feel seen. Not as an agent with 3 PHDs, not as a genius with 187 IQ, but rather as a person with a right to express himself and occupy space. He wasn’t Agent Spencer Reid with you nor Dr. Spencer Reid, he was just Spencer who likes to watch Doctor Who and read literature in their original language. 

The third move Spencer did was proposed by Penelope Garcia, the spirited tech analyst 

“What do you mean you took her to a convention? For a date?” Penelope squeaked out, unable to comprehend the logic behind the genius’ actions.

“She said she always wanted to go,” Spencer stated as the elevator stopped on the fourth floor. He had fun over the weekend. Going around booths with you, listening to invited guest panels talk about the behind the scenes, explaining the reference every costume that you’ve pointed out, and just basking in your presence beyond cases. It was a memory he had replayed over and over after it had ended. It occupied his whole mind, and that’s saying a lot, causing him to do nothing and sit in his leather sofa and smile like a lunatic during the rest of the weekend.

“Well yeah, but that’s not date material! A date is supposed to be intimate—you and I go to conventions together, do you count that as a date?” 

“What? No! No, of course not!” 

“Exactly, boy wonder. Then what makes you think she’ll count that as a date?” She countered back as she entered her office with Spencer in tow. 

Silence. Oh.

Penelope sighed, having read the despair painting his face. “Did you at least dress up as the Ninth Doctor?”

“What? No. No, I went as the Fourth Doctor. I even hand-knitted the scarf myself.”

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before repeating what she just heard. “You didn’t dress up as her Doctor?”

“No,” he paused, unsure where she was going with this. “Should I had?”

“Yes! Yes, you should have!” Penelope slapped his arm out of frustration. “Why didn’t you call me once she said yes? We could have talked game plan or strategy or at least have gotten you a leather jacket to match her choice of companion.”

“Oh, I messed up then, didn’t I?” He slumped despondently on the office chair. “You—you don’t think she thought of it as a date at all?”

She played with her feathered pen, trying to find a way to salvage it for Spencer. “Did you take her out to dinner after?”

He shook his head, finally realizing his mistake.

“Oh Spencer,” she approached gently. “I can scoop for details with Y/N later on and report back to you?”

He shook his head. It didn’t feel right to have Penelope betray your trust and go behind your back over a mistake that he made. You were a honest person and you deserved to be treated with respect and reverence even though all he wanted now was peer into your viewpoint of the date—not date—and figure out once and for all if you saw him as anything beyond a co-worker and a friend. 

“Hm, I think I might just a solution,” Penelope blurted out of the blue. 

He looked up with a sliver of hope blooming in his chest. Maybe third time’s the charm. Besides, Penelope was the colleague you spent most of your time out with. You once mentioned that you considered her your best friend, besides from him of course. 

“You can bake her a batch of cookies! No one can say no to that,” she excitedly explained, believing it to be full proof—except for the fact that he doesn’t know how to bake. He wants to ask you out on a date but not to the expense of burning his whole apartment building down. 

“I can’t—I can’t bake, Garcia,” he squeaked out. “Did you know that 44% of all reported home fires are caused by cooking and baking. Those fires have resulted in an average of 470 civilian deaths and 4,150 civilian—”

She interrupted. “I’ll give you my recipe and detailed instructions to follow. That’ll make it easy peasy for you, boy genius.”

“C-can’t I just buy from her favorite bakery instead?”

“No can do, Doctor. Her favorite cookies just so happen to be my creation. She told me so herself.”

“Well, can’t I just ask you to make it for me? I’ll buy the ingredients!”

“Nope,” she dragged out her refusal. “Think of it as an act of service to her. Plus don’t you think it’s highly romantic when she finds out that you baked them yourself?” She swooned just thinking about it.

“Romantic? It won’t be romantic when I burn my apartment down, Garcia.”

She sighed. “Fine, I’ll supervise if you want. This weekend, granted if we’re free. But you—” she pointed her feathered pen at him. “—better be prepared and I’m just supervising, okay? I’m not baking it myself.”

He sighed. At least having Garcia around would make it easier.

———-

It did not in fact make it easier. Spencer burnt two batches before six pieces were considered edible. Garcia couldn’t understand, hell, he also couldn’t. Baking was precise and from his scientific viewpoint, it was a lot like chemistry. He loved science and anything academic, so how is it that he failed miserably, twice, when it came to baking? 

He shook his head as he entered the office. The first one—he stole a glance at Hotch’s office and saw movement—correction, the second one arriving early. Sometimes he wondered if the unit chief ever goes home, first in and last out.

He settled in his seat before promptly fidgeting from anticipation. Statistically speaking, you arrive earlier than Morgan or Elle which gave him enough time to gift the paper bag of cookies sitting hidden in his satchel without bringing attention to and embarrassing himself. He’d like to have little to no audience if he ever does mess it up for the third time. 

He brought out the cookies, afraid they’ll get crushed between his hardbound books, and placed them on your desk before standing to wash his clammy hands and make coffee. Counter intuitive of him to do as he was already a bundle of nerves and by drinking caffeine he was doubling that but maybe the smell would calm him before shooting up his energy by drinking.

As he exited the mens room, Penelope stepped out of the elevator and squealed. “Is she here? Is she? Did I miss it?”

He shook his head vigorously, trying to silence her excited glees. “No, she’s not here yet. She’ll—” he looked at his watch and ran the numbers. “—be here soon. I’m about to brew coffee. Do you want some?” He opened the door for both of them to enter the bullpen.

“Ick, no thanks,” Penelope said, scrunching her nose at the thought of drinking even a sip before scurrying away to her cave. “I’d rather not ruin my taste buds on bad coffee.”

He laughed and turned towards the kitchenette. With the coffee brewing, he drummed his fingers on the counter and mentally rehearsed what he would say to you. If he practiced, there’s less chance of messing it up like the first time, right? In his state of concentration, he missed you entering the office in all of your beautiful glory.

“Ooh cookies!” you exclaimed as you opened the unknown package on your table.

Spencer abruptly turned, hitting his side on the corners as he did. His eyes widened as he registered you holding the unsigned paper bag of treats on your desk. 

“They must be from Penny,” You continued on, oblivious to his presence and the devastation your remark caused him. Of course, he’d find another way to mess it up. You glanced around and your smile widened as you took in his handsome presence. “Oh hey Spence! Look, Penny made me cookies!” You tip-toed out of excitement. 

He smiled at your enthusiasm for something as simple as treats in the morning. The giggle you gave out as you entered the kitchenette was enough for him to slightly care less for the truth. He loved bringing out the happiness in you. It was like his own personal sunshine shining down on him, soaking him with vitamin D and boosting his overall sense of wellbeing. “Do you want coffee with that? It’s still hot,” he offered. 

You tapped the side of your hips with his as a sign of good will. “Thanks, Spence! This is turning out to be a great day, don’t you think?”

He watched as you busied yourself with putting cream and sugar in your of cup and sighed wistfully. “I think so too.”

And the last move Spencer did was recommended by no one but himself, the awkward 187 genius

With all three acts not delivering, he promised to try one last time without any outside interference besides from yours in his memory. You always did tell him to be himself in any situation, no matter how much he stumbled through any awkward situation—always there giving him a pat on the back for encouragement. 

Over the weekend, he spent his time reading two of your favorite books—which didn’t take much but he did read them again and again, regardless of his eidetic memory, trying to understand why these specific books were your comfort. Always pushed within the confines of your go bag, dog-eared and brown from age. He wanted to know how they’ve become an extension of you and how it had shaped you to the woman he has fallen in love with. 

He found himself hunched over his dining table, underlining sentences that made him think of you, scribbling away on the margins (and sometimes on post its too), and tabbing the written pages with a variety of colors that each represent an emotion. The act in it of itself made him feel closer to you than he thought possible. Lines in the books that made him think, ah so this was what formed your kind spirit. This is why your empathy knew no bounds. And this is why your beauty is inside and out.  

Spencer laid down to rest, anxious for the next day, Monday, to come. His heart threatening to beat out of his chest but his mind oddly calm as if it had a precognition that everything would turn out just right.

———

You arrived earlier than he did, throwing him off balance. 

“Hey Spence!” You greeted with a smile. “I got you a croissant and some coffee from that shop near my place.”

He blushed and stammered out a thank you. You were wearing a deep purple blouse that matched the scarf around his neck—the birthday gift you’ve given. He was no believer of the mystics but he took all of these as a sign from the stars. There was no way he would mess this up now.

“I—I got you something too,” he looked inside his satchel, hands shaking from it all. Gods, he wished this would go well or else, he might just die from embarrassment. “It’s nothing much but—I read your two favorite books and just—I wanted to discuss it with you,” he brought out the tabbed copies and presented them to you. “These are for you. I know you have copies of your own but I-I put my own notes on which lines reminded me of you.”

Your face turned red at the notion behind it all. Here was the BAU genius, the certified lover of the classics and the academia, the man who had your affections since day one, reading two contemporary literatures just for him to present you a gift like no other. You reached out and hugged the precious copies to your chest. 

“Thank you, no one’s ever done this for me before,” you breathed out, falling deeper into attraction with the perfection in front of you. “ Hey Spence, I may sound delusional asking this and you can say no if you want to but—” you visibly gulped, unaware of the audience nearby. “—would you like to have dinner with me? I make a mean lasagna.”

He turned red and vigorously nodded. “Y-Yes. Yes, I’d love to have dinner with you.”

You giggled, sounding like wind chimes to his ears. He did too, giggle I mean, from the triumph of finally knowing that his feelings were willingly reciprocated.

“Finally, you love birds!” Morgan shouted as he swung his arm around Spencer. “Didn’t know how much we could take from this pretty boy—” pointing at him “asking for advice and you—” pointing at you “—pretty girl is as dense as a rock. Tell me again how’d you end up as profiler with those observation skills.” 

A hand whacked him at the back. “Way to ruin the moment, Morgan.” Elle chided before turning to Spencer with a smile. “See told you, you could get a date.”

[ms-demeanor]

i was listening to a podcast yesterday and one of the hosts was talking about how she used new age beliefs to fill a void left by leaving christianity and how when she left the new age beliefs behind she was talking to some friends who were skeptics and asked them about "the great mystery" and if they thought science could explain why we were here and how even as a skeptic now she thinks people need some kind of spirituality to connect them to the universe and seek an answer to that question.

And I cannot explain enough how no, not everyone needs that and not everyone believes that's a question that has an answer or is even a question worth serious consideration. "Why are we here?" Why would there be a reason that we are here????????????? "What is the meaning of life?" Why are you assuming life has a meaning??????????????

I just really dislike the attitude that people are incomplete or are scared or self-deluding or *bitter* if they don't think the universe has a purpose. The universe doesn't! The universe is doing its thing!

I have a purpose because I made one for myself! Because of the people around me who I loved and cared about and who loved me and raised me and are a part of my community and who deserve compassion and companionship and autonomy and comfort and peace and joy and contentment! I learned what I wanted to do and to be because of us! I do not need a supernatural or spiritual or intuitive connection to the universe in order to know what I'm about!

And I'm absolutely not upset that the universe isn't giving me answers or guidance; I don't feel alone or abandoned or adrift. There are eight billion people on the planet! I'm not alone in the universe there are eight billion people why would I want or expect anything else?

It's literally fine?

[miumura]

( 🧸 ) YOU MiSSED — JAKE DRABBLE

( 🧸 ) watching movies with your sleepy boyfriend

genre fluff pairing bf!jake x gn!reader warnings none really besides a few kisses word count 0.3K+ ( 337 )

( 🧸 ) HAPPY JAKE DAY!! happy birthday to my ult bias jakeyyy 🫶 !! yk i had to write a little something for my bae <3 ! i could have released something way longer but i was SLACKING! so next time ill try to release a oneshot .. i mean i got a year so 😊🤍 LMAO anyways enjoy <3 !

"What do you think about the movie so far?" you asked, glancing at your boyfriend, who had his head nestled on your shoulder. Drawing you closer, he wrapped his arms around yours.

"To be honest, I'm on the verge of dozing off," he admitted with a yawn, sensing the weight on his eyelids. "What's the plot at this point? All I caught was the boyfriend cheating... so, what's next?" His drowsy tone never ceased to bring a smile to your face; there was an undeniable charm in his sleepiness that enhanced his already adorable nature.

"Well, after the cheating part, the girlfriend discovers the truth and I think she’s about to confront him," you explained, also trying to also figure out what was happening in the certain scene playing on the TV.

Instead of using words, you could hear quiet hums from him, and he just nodded when you both knew he hadn’t heard a single thing you said. He was just that tired.

"You're so cute," you remarked, looking at his ruffled hair that covered his eyes and his slight pouty lips. Giving him a quick peck on his forehead, you added, "Go to sleep then; we can watch this later together."

"You missed," Jake said in a low tone, leaving you a bit confused. You thought he was so sleepy that he was rambling nonsense in this state.

"What do you mean?" You peered at Jake, who raised his head from your shoulder, holding eye contact with you, attempting to widen his eyes. Swiftly, his lips met yours, and he pulled away after a small peck. “There.”

Returning to his original position, resting on your head, you blushed slightly from that spontaneous moment.

"You really are something else when you're sleepy, Jake."

"Can we just sleep?"

You chuckled softly, "Sure, let's finish this movie tomorrow or whenever you're more awake. Goodnight, Jake."

"Goodnight," he mumbled, already drifting off, leaving you with a warm feeling despite the incomplete movie.

Maybe you two should watch movies more often.

ENHA PERM TAGLIST (1) — @flwoie @ixomiyu @haruavrse @shinsou-rii @bearseulgs @ilovewonyo @yenqa @dimplewonie @bubblytaetae @wtfhyuck @ineedaherosavemeenow @ml8dy @starikizs @wonioml @chirokookie @xiaoderrrr @neozon3nha @en-chantedtomeetyou @millksea @enhaz1 @eundiarys @hyeosi @ja4hyvn @judeduartewannabe @j-wyoung @thia-aep @vampcharxter @softpia @officiallyjaehyuns @itsactuallylina @hsheart @sweetjaemss @ahnneyong @hanienie @jwnghyuns @kpoplover718 @jiawji @rikizm @haknom @yeokii @wvnkoi @whoschr @teddywonss @shinunoga-iie-wa @isoobie @skzenhalove @misokei @s00buwu @ox1-lovesick @miercerise @litttlestars @enhapocketz

[barbarianprncess]

annabeth chase and her many losing dogs: an (incomplete) anthology

read on ao3

or

chapter one: a (brief) introduction to the game and it's players

She gives Cerberus her red rubber ball.

Because he’s a monster, but she doesn’t think he means to be.

Because he’s a lonely dog and she is lonely the same way. The kind that doesn’t know how lonely it is until a person shows up and reminds them. The kind that wishes to just be left in loneliness long enough for companionship to be forgotten altogether.

The ball will make him happy. He will destroy it within minutes, it will disappear after he does nothing but be himself.

(She does that sometimes too.)

First Round: Frederick Chase

Bet Type: Blind Faith; awarded via mass tradition.

Made with no experience. 

Trust given without the knowledge that trust must be earned. 

Annabeth is four years old and hungry. 

She hasn’t eaten since dinner last night. 

Dad is playing with his planes again. The fancy small piece ones that Annabeth is not allowed to touch, ‘not now, not ever.’ She’s not supposed to bother Dad when he plays with his planes. 

Plane time is Dad’s very special ‘by himself’ time. He’d explained a while ago that he has lots of very hard work to do, and then he has to take care of her which is even more lots of hard work,  and sometimes he needs his special ‘by himself’ time, because Annabeth is a big girl now who can read her books and not touch the sockets. 

(She wonders why he doesn’t do his special ‘by himself’ time when she’s taking her naps. That way they could have their together time when she’s awake.)

This would be fine, but she just ate the last of her super secret dad-is-in-his-study snack stash that she hides under her bed last week. 

She wants to go in and ask, but the last time she’d interrupted him, even though he smiled at her, his eyebrows got all scrunched up together. He was not happy to see her.

(Sometimes, she wonders if he ever is.)

Annabeth is really very hungry.

There are bananas on top of the fridge.

Annabeth creates a plan. 

The plan goes south almost immediately and she ends up dangling from the top of the white mountain with glass and bananas all over the ground. 

“Christ! Annabeth!” She is being yanked from her very small cliff and carried into the living room and Dad’s voice is very loud and his face is more than scrunched eyebrows and Annabeth is ashamed.

“What were you doing?”

“I was climbing on top of the fridge. I knocked over a vase.” 

That was the wrong answer because somehow his face gets even angrier. “Yes, I can see that. What were you thinking?”

“I wanted a banana. They were on top of the fridge.” 

He pinches his nose. That wasn’t the right answer either. “You just had breakfast.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Yes, you did. You had the fruit circles.”

“That was yesterday.”

He hesitates. “Okay, well you did wake up late, you couldn’t have waited until it was time to eat lunch?”

The clock on the microwave says 4:13 pm. “It is lunch.” 

He looks at the clock. Closes his eyes. When he opens them, he still looks angry but not at her. His voice is much quieter. “Why didn’t you come get me?”

“Last time you got sad. You were in a groove, you said unless it was an emergency not to come in. I thought I could reach it.”

She watches his face change. His eyebrows are still scrunched up but his eyes get gentler and sadder all at once. He sits down on the couch and lifts her up into his lap. It’s been so long, she sits on his knees like he’s a chair. He turns her around in his arms. 

“You’re such a quiet kid, Annabeth. Sometimes I forget you're here.”

She doesn’t think he said it to make her sad, but it does anyway. Which is irritating because she didn’t do anything wrong and she feels bad anyway. 

“I was a quiet kid too.”

She doesn’t want to be quiet. She wants to scream. She wants to cry. She wants to hit him. She wants—

“I’m gonna clean up the glass and then we’ll have mac and cheese.”

She nods and lets herself be sat back on the couch.

Second Round: Ms. Helen (from Dad’s work)

Bet Type: Good Faith; awarded via proxy.

Made with no experience. 

Trust given without the knowledge that trust must be earned. 

The first time her father forgets to pick her up from daycare, she is too young to remember. She was also too young to remember the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th times. 

She remembers the sixth.

Ms. Helen, dad’s work friend that has come to dinner  every wednesday for four weeks, shows up at school wearing black yoga pants and a messy-on-purpose bun.

(The kind that always looks strange in the bathroom mirror when she tries it on her curls in the morning before they leave.)

She smiles at her teacher, tight and pinchy. She does that laugh/talk/sigh thing adults do when the words they're saying don’t really matter. And before Annabeth knows it, she's staring at the backseat of a minivan.

“What’s that?”

Ms. Helen raises an eyebrow. “The car seat?”

Annabeth nods but looks down. She said it like it was obvious. Annabeth knows obvious things.

“Don’t you sit in one of  these to come to daycare?” 

“No.”

“You just sit in the seat?”

“Yes.”

“You're too little. It’s not safe to sit by yourself.”

Annabeth doesn’t know what she's supposed to say. This happens a lot. Adults do this thing where they ask you a question that they want a specific answer to. Annabeth has developed a skill in which she can always tell when the truth is not what an adult wants to hear. It has, so far, been a pretty useless skill because she has yet to master the skill of knowing what it is that they actually want to hear. 

(Sometimes, she figures it out and tells the truth anyway. Those times she doesn’t really mind getting in trouble after.)

“Your father must’ve put you in one of these.”

Annabeth shrugs. Her talent has deduced that Helen does not want Annabeth to say that she has never been in one of those, and figures nonverbal is the safest option because she would like to go home.

Helen crouches down and gets way up close to Annabeth's face. Her grown-up face-paint is smudged around the corner of her left eye. She smells like dish soap. 

“I borrowed this from my friend when your father called, so we have to get you your own. From now on, you don’t get in a car without one of these. Understand?”  

Annabeth nods.

Helen is looking at her with something strange and sad in her smudged up eye. She takes a deep breath.

Annabeth crawls into the backseat and waits to be tied in.

Fourth Round: Thalia Grace, Grover Underwood & Luke Castellan

Bet Type: Calculated Risk; awarded to an individual after carefully evaluated outcomes

Made after a great loss, in which perceived benefits outweigh potential detriment. 

Trust earned after a win. 

Thalia is frowning at her. 

Annabeth hasn’t been with her and Luke for that long, but she knows that this is not cause for too much concern because she’s usually frowning. 

Luke is the one with the smiles, and the cuddles, and the soft spot for the helpless strays—dogs and girls alike.

Thalia is the one with the frowns. 

(Annabeth can tell she has a soft spot for Luke though.)

Before she can muster up the courage to ask, Luke beats her to it. “What’s up with you?”

“Her hair.” Thalia has a talent where she can frown and speak at the same time. Annabeth wants to learn how to do that.

Luke smiles at her before fixing his eyes on her puff. She gets that feeling in her stomach she used to get when her teachers asked her questions about her house, like she should be hiding behind her fathers legs. 

(The last time she tried, Helen had snatched her arm and told her she was being rude.)

“Her hair.” He repeats in a way that tells both Annabeth and Thalia he has no idea what the problem is.

Thalia ignores him, and scribbles something down on his arm. “I saw a beauty supply store down the road. I need you to figure out a way to get this stuff.”

Luke frowns over her shoulder. (Uh-oh.) “That’s gonna be a bit of a stretch.”

“So stretch.”

“Thals—,”

She looks up at him and her eyes are all intense like when she’s fighting a monster. “They weren’t combing her hair. I took the hair tie off and it’s staying put. She’s only been on the run for 3 days.” Thalia looks back down at her. “Right? That’s how long you were by yourself?”

“Yes.” Annabeth nods. One of her favorite parts about being with Luke and Thalia, is that the truth is always enough.

Thalia looks back at Luke with something in her eyes that’s even softer than when Luke sleeps. “They weren’t combing her hair.”

Luke nods, a new kind of frown. The one he had when they found her. “On it.”

He winks at Annabeth and tweaks her nose which makes her laugh. Then he’s gone and it’s just the two of them. 

Annabeth and Thalia have never been alone for that long before, except for bathroom trips and when Luke gets them snacks.

Annabeth knows it wasn’t Thalia’s idea for her to join the two of them. Annabeth doesn’t think she wanted to leave her there, but she knows Thalia liked it when it was just her and Luke.

She’s looking up at the sky muttering something angry in another language. “What’s Luke going to get?” 

Thalia considers her for a moment and then sits down leaning against the brick alleyway. “Some hair stuff. Basics.”

“I thought we only took risks for food.”

Thalia smiles a little and it makes Annabeth's chest feel fuzzy. 

“You’re a smart kid.” She pats the ground next to her and Annabeth goes to sit next to her. 

“My mother…had a bad time. Things that aren’t supposed to be hard for mortals were very hard for her. And sometimes that made her not very nice to me.” She pauses and Annabeth waits patiently, doesn’t dare speak a word.

“She couldn’t really take care of herself. So, she couldn’t really take care of me either. My hair is curly like yours. And hair like ours needs special attention. When you don’t give it the care it needs, it gets stuck like this.” She takes Annabeth's hand and brings it up to her head, lets her tug on one strand gently. 

“I like your hair a lot!”

“Thank you. I do too. But, it wasn’t my choice. My mother let my hair loc up so she didn’t have to comb it every day. You should get to decide whether you want your hair like this. Did you ask to have your hair up in a bun for that long?”

Annabeth could tell her how her Dad used to braid her hair on Sunday nights. How they would sit and listen to music and he would spray and comb and braid until she fell asleep on his leg. How when he and Helen got married, he suddenly had no time to do anything that Helen could do instead. How her slick, shiny, and smooth haired stepmother would wrinkle down at her curls, yank a brush through her head and tell her she was ‘impossible’. 

But, she doesn’t. She looks down at her shoes and doesn’t say anything at all.

Thalia, even smaller than before, says, “Your parents weren’t very nice to you either. Were they?”

She doesn’t answer. 

She doesn’t have to. 

‘You’re such a quiet kid, Annabeth.’ 

(When Luke gets back, he and Thalia spend three hours spraying and combing and braiding until Annabeths hair isn’t stuck anymore.)

(In a few months, a satyr named Grover will take them to camp. 

Thalia will not make it across the border.)

(Annabeth will refuse to let anyone touch her hair for a year.)

Final Round: Perseus Jackson

Bet Type: Wild Card; awarded to an individual that fails to qualify through conventional procedure.

Made with gut feelings, no logic, and excruciating human defiance. 

Trust is given without measure.

Annabeth's first thought when she sees him for the first time is, “He must be the one.”  

She’s sure of it. She says it out loud. Chiron tells her to hush, and she doesn’t even care. 

He's the one. 

She's not sure how she knows. She's waited for so long, seen so many campers. Many were far more promising than he is.

That's her second thought. He's skinnier than she thought ‘the one’ would be. Skinny and pale and more gangly limb than person.  

He’s blinking up towards them but his eyes are unfocused and hazy. That's her third thought. He's fading. They’ll have to carry him. 

‘Percy’ Chiron calls him. It’s a hero’s name. 

She wonders if whoever gave it to him knew he’d be the one too.

‘He’s the one.’, she thinks again. It feels strange and tingly in her head. 

Strange, but not false. 

Hello, Percy Jackson. It's nice to finally meet you.

[em-dash-press]

Grammar, Spelling, and Punctuation: Writing 101

I adored grammar lessons in grade school, but I realized they were specific to the school I was in when I switched school systems.

Not everyone gets to grow up with grammar quizzes and sentence diagram tests. Don’t feel bad if you can’t tell an em dash from a hyphen! Browse this guide and you’ll refresh yourself on everything you need to know.

Note: this is for American English and assumes you already speak it as a first or second language. It won’t explain verbs, nouns, etc. Also, some parts will vary by in-house style guides with various publishers. However, you can use these refreshers to problem-solve your WIP and feel more confident about how you wield your words.

1. Punctuation Around Dialogue

American English grammar rules almost always firmly state that punctuation around dialogue goes inside quotation marks.

Examples:

Wrong: “I don’t want to go to the park”, she said.

Right: “I don’t want to go to the park,” she said.

This rule won’t apply if you’re asking about something someone said. Otherwise, punctuation always goes inside the quotation marks to end what’s being said.

Examples:

Wrong: Did the teacher say, “Do your homework?”

Right: Did the teacher say, “Do your homework”?

Also, dialogue tags always have a comma separating what’s being said from the tag itself. That’s because the tag is an integral part of the dialogue since it identifies who’s saying the spoken words.

Examples:

Wrong: “I love chocolate ice cream.” he said.

Right: “I love chocolate ice cream,” he said.

2. Adjectives vs. Adverbs

Adjectives and adverbs often get confused. They both start with “ad” and describe other words. So what do they mean?

Adjectives are descriptors that apply to nouns.

Adverbs are descriptors that often end in -ly and apply to verbs, adjectives, and other adverbs. (Basically anything but nouns.)

Examples:

Adjective: He is a hairy cat. [“Hairy” describes the noun “cat.”]

Adverb: The hairy cat ran quickly across my yard. [“Quickly” describes the verb “ran.”]

Adverb: He really likes to roam. [“Really” describes the verb “likes.”]

Adverb: Even though we have a very small neighborhood. [“Very” describes the adjective “small.]

Adjectives are also considered stronger descriptors in writing because they’re more specific. Using adverbs occasionally is often fine, but publishers and editors that sift through submissions with a fine-tooth comb don’t like repeated adverb usage when a more direct description could fit the sentence.

Examples:

Adverb: I really enjoy going to the movies.

Stronger verb: I love going to the movies.

3. There, They’re, and Their

People often get these confused because the English language is very confusing. To put it bluntly:

There: a location

They’re: a contraction for “they are”

Their: the possessive pronoun form of “they”

Example:

They’re driving their car to that store over there.

4. Run-On Sentences and Fragments

Run-on sentences go on for too long. Fragments are incomplete sentences.

You’ll know both when you spot them because it isn’t how people normally talk. People pause to collect their thoughts, take a breath, and describe their thoughts in complete sentences (even with slang, the sentences still make sense).

Examples:

Run-On Sentence: She went to work and had a meeting at 11:00 before going to lunch at the restaurant across the street which had her favorite food on the dessert menu so she enjoyed it before going back to work and clocking out at 5:00. [This sentence addresses six different actions in too many phrases for a running list of commas with a conjunction at the end.]

Fragment: Every single animal. [Every animal what? There’s no context, so the sentence is incomplete. Sometimes writers use fragments as creative descriptors if they break grammar rules effectively, but you have to know how to avoid fragments to use them well.]

5. Em Dashes

Ah, the em dash. I’m so biased when it comes to this punctuation mark.

Em dashes indicate a purposeful pause, followed by essential information. They can also distinguish phrases or lists in the middle of a sentence.

Most importantly, they’re the length of an m.

You’ll know you’re using them correctly if you can replace your em dash with a pair of commas, a colon, or a semicolon.

Examples:

I love using em dashes—especially for sentences like this—so I may use them a little too often. [You could replace the em dashes with commas and it would still be correct.]

I couldn’t resist it—Em Dash Press had to be the name for my blog. [This em dash could be a semicolon.]

6. En Dashes

En dashes are the little sibling to em dashes. En dashes are two hyphens long or the length of an n. They point out the range in numbers or time, but can also stand in for “to” or “and.”

Examples:

The war lasted from 1434–1442.

I’ll be at the library from 6:30–7:30 p.m.

The final score was 32–34.

You have a ticket on the Chicago–New York flight tomorrow evening.

7. Hyphens

At this point, you’re likely wondering what’s even left for hyphens to do. The answer is quite a lot.

It’s one dash wide and joins words.

Examples:

Hello, my name is Alvina Stuart-Kelly.

I’m looking for a dog-friendly apartment.

She has a two-year-old child.

Typically, they don’t go after adverbs and don’t join words after nouns.

Examples:

Incorrect: My apartment is dog-friendly.

Incorrect: That child is two-years-old.

8. Commas (Oxford and Otherwise)

Commas are a curse and a gift for writers. Myself included. 

We often use commas that are unnecessary because in our mind, that’s where we’re pausing to breathe or collect our thoughts as we type the sentence.

Sometimes it just feels right to use too many—until it’s time to edit.

There are multiple types of commas. The first is the comma that connects a coordinating conjunction (and, but, or, for, so, yet, nor).

Example:

He’d love to hang out, but he has to finish his homework.

A comma can also go after an introductory phrase.

Example:

When we last spoke, it was still November.

Commas also go around phrases within a sentence.

Example:

My neighbor, who is a great painter, is open for commissions.

Then there’s the Oxford comma, which goes before the coordinating conjunction at the end of a list.

Example:

We need to get paper towels, apples, and flour at the supermarket.

You can also place a comma in between two nouns that are interchangeable.

Example:

The fresh, cheesy soup is delicious.

The cheesy, fresh soup is delicious.

There should be a comma after a conjunctive adverb at the beginning of a sentence if it’s contrasting something.

Example:

I don’t like swimming in rivers. However, I’ll make an exception for you.

Introductory prepositional phrases (you can find a complete list of prepositions below) also get followed by a comma if they’re more than four words long. However, you can put them after smaller prepositional phrases too. 

Examples:

[“After the game” is the prepositional phrase below.]

Correct: After the game we should get milkshakes.

Also correct: After the game, we should get milkshakes.

Also correct: After the game ends tonight, we should get milkshakes.

When a prepositional phrase ends a sentence, you don’t need to put a comma before it because they’re typically describing a verb.

Incorrect: We should get milkshakes, after the game ends.

Correct: We should get milkshakes after the game ends. [“After the game ends” is describing the timing of the verb “get” in relation to the object “milkshakes.”]

9. Prepositions

Prepositions are words that come before a noun, verb, or pronoun to indicate details like the place, time, direction, location and relationship to an object.

There are too many prepositions to list in this post, but you can find a ton of them over on this website.

Examples:

He left ~for college~.

They were born ~in 1972~.

~From September to November,~ I’m going to be very busy.

You’ll know you’re using a preposition incorrectly when it’s essentially dangling at the end of the sentence or can be removed without changing the meaning of the sentence.

Examples:

Incorrect: Where’s the mouse at?

Correct: Where’s the mouse?

Incorrect: He leapt off of the couch.

Correct: He leapt off the couch.

Notably, some uses of prepositions are colloquial. In real-world conversations, you might say things like, “Where are you at?” and that’s absolutely fine. It’s even fine to use them like that when writing dialogue for characters who have a specific vernacular usage of them, like regional or cultural phrasing.

When neither of those are present in the written word, editors will recommend revising your sentences to reflect prepositional usage rules like the ones above.

10. Apostrophes

Apostrophes have a couple different jobs.

First, they show possession when something or someone owns something.

Examples:

That is Henry’s car.

Watch out for the tree’s loose branches.

Apostrophes also go after an “s” if the plural noun has possession of something.

Examples:

The stores’ new parking lot looks much better.

The wagons’ wheels were made of wood.

The classmates’ party just began.

When a plural noun doesn’t end in an s, it usually gets the standard apostrophe before an s.

Examples:

The sheep’s pen needs a repair.

The people’s voice matters.

The women’s shoe section is over there.

Apostrophes join words to create contractions too. Contractions join two separate words to save time, effort, or word count. They’re what most people use in everyday language because contractions are less formal in tone. (I just used one in that previous sentence!)

Examples:

It’s time to go to bed.

They’re making dinner now.

I can’t run very far.

11. Colons

We use colons to make sense of too much information. Basically, they give order to lists, phrases, or titles.

Examples:

They need to call the following guests: Isabelle, Ana, and Richard.

The Urgent Need for Answers: A Call for Solutions to Healthcare Inequities [This would be the title of an academic paper, book, or article.]

We have one thing in common: the desire to write more stories.

12. Semicolons

Don’t be afraid of semicolons; they are here to help you!

Semicolons join two related ideas or clarify lists with multiple long phrases.

Examples:

I ate dessert before dinner; life is about doing what makes you happy. [The second half of the sentence provides clarity or reasoning to the first half. The semicolon could get replaced by an em dash or “, because” if you preferred it that way.]

When I wake up, I brush my teeth with an electric toothbrush; swish a sensitive-teeth mouthwash in my mouth for 30 seconds; and wash my face while I shower. [If you replaced the semicolons with commas, the phrases would be considered too wordy. Semicolons provide more visual order for readers in this context.]

13. Exclamation Marks

Some people avoid ever using exclamation marks. Others use them all the time.

I say that the correct usage depends on the situation.

If an overly enthusiastic, excited kid were telling their friends they were going to Disney World, they might breathlessly say something like, “I just got the best news! My mom got time off of work! So we’re going to Disney World!”

However, if a more serious or laid-back person said they had a good day and wanted to describe it, they’d likely say, “My day was good! I had a great lunch and the drive home was easy.” Finishing the last sentence with an extra exclamation mark would be out of character for them.

You also wouldn’t want to use exclamation marks in formal writing settings, like academic papers or newspaper articles, because it would come across as too casual. But it’s fine if you’re writing a social media post or texting a friend.

As long as the exclamation mark indicates excitement or urgency, you’re using it correctly. Consider who’s speaking and why to figure out if their dialogue would result in more than an occasional exclamation mark.

-----

I hope this helps clarify the basics so you’re more confident about writing your next story. Grammar is complicated and ever-changing (I’m looking at you, AP Style Guide), but you can count on these basics to structure things correctly for your readers.

[elfven-blog]

What if ... Leon was dating a tarot reader? And he always makes jokes like "if she reads this on the cards I'm screwed" And he pretends he doesn't care (but he's actually scared to death when the reader reads the cards to him)

Hi anon! I hope you enjoy!! 💕

The past, the present and the future

Leon Kennedy X Reader Word count:787

You rolled your eyes, shuffling the deck in your hand as you listened to Leon make yet another quip “Should I be worried? Don’t use them to check up on me” His brows were raised but the grin on his face was enough to let you know he was only messing. But the shake of his leg told another story, his knee bouncing up and down as he cracked another joke, this one about the devil card. You only shook your head.

After finishing the deck shuffle, you placed the cards down on the table. In a three-card spread, Leon had finally agreed to have you give him a reading. Something simple he said, no weird questions or anything like that. So, he decided to go with what he knows best. Bioterrorism.

“You ready, honey?” You didn’t want to push him into something he didn’t want to do but it could be a fun little moment, and it’s not like he had to listen to them. It’s not like he really believed what the cards said, and this was perfect practice for you anyway. You were sick of asking yourself questions, it was nice to do a reading for someone else. Leon nodded, you could have sworn you heard the man gulp and watched as his tongue darted out to wet his lips.

As you turned the first card over, the past, you watched Leons brow furrow as he looked at the card. His voice tilted with confusion “A building?” His head leant to the side as he moved his attention back to your face.

“The tower. Upright like this means disaster, broken pride” Leon nodded slowly, he felt his mouth go dry and his mind wondered back to that dark night so many years ago. He could almost feel the rain soaking through his uniform, the bandages sticking to the blood on his skin…the stench of rotting bodies all over again. Your soft voice pulls him out of those thoughts “Hey, its okay, we can stop” your hand is gentle on his as you lean across the table. His moves to cover yours before he presses a kiss to your fingers.

“No no, I’m kind of excited…Wanna see what my future holds according the spooky forces beyond” you can tell the way his voice has lowered and the non-existent spark that’s been wiped from his eyes that he’s a little worried. He wasn’t expecting it to be so accurate. Definitely wasn’t expecting a Raccoon City Incident cameo from the cards.

But with his go ahead you moved on to the ‘present’ card, flipping it over to show the word reversed” This time you tilted your own head, this made sense. Even know after so many years, and with Leon having moved on to start a relationship with you, there was still part of him that felt like some things weren’t resolved. “World reversed, incompletion and no closure”.

Leon felt his body tense, the cards were getting too close for comfort for his liking. He didn’t understand how they could be so accurate. The jokes and quips dying on his tongue as his mind raced. “Well, if this is how its going, I think I’ve got a bleak future” the joke was weak and you could tell he was starting to panic. He shifted in his seat, hands wiping the sweat onto his jeans as he watched you flip the last card over.

“Oh my god, am I gonna die?” You couldn’t help yourself, a short laugh left your mouth and Leon looked at you with wide eyes, his mouth gaping open. You shook your head trying to collect your composure as Leon stared at you in shock.

When you finally stopped laughing and could get more than a few words out you explained to him “No, the card of death doesn’t mean that you’re gonna die. It’s good actually, in the upright position it stands for new beginnings and changes” Your hand squeezed his own, and you leant forward to press a kiss to his cheek.

 Leon let a breath of relief, his forehead falling onto your shoulder. His arms moved around your waist, and he hoisted you over the table and settled you into his lap. His face still buried into your neck as he pressed a few kisses to the pulse point there. “I like that one…a new beginning with my sweet tarot partner” You could feel the heat of his breath against your skin “But never do a reading for me again”.

Another laugh left you, your hands running through his hair “Okay, my love, no more readings for the big strong government agent” This time it was your turn to tease him.

[sparklefics]

Is it too much to ask?

Avengers! Bucky& Reader

WC:767

A/N: I don’t normally take naps during the day but today I did and apparently I woke up feeling inspired. This is just an outburst of fluff! 😘

Gif not mine

Warnings: emotional support, Bucky being a friend—we love to see it.

[Masterlist]

You could never find Bucky Barnes intimidating. Regardless of his past, regardless of his physique you couldn’t see him as a threat.

Which is why you were quick to befriend him. No one else on the team managed to bond with him as quickly as you did. At first no one wanted to be his friend, apart from you and Steve, but they quickly got over that when they saw Bucky take a bullet for you while on a mission.

Bucky was a good man. Sure he’d been brainwashed to commit crimes but at his core he was and still is a good man.

After he took that bullet for you he became more talkative, even if it was in private just the two of you but he was talking. He became your friend. He is someone, sometimes the only one, you turn to when you’re feeling blue.

I wish I was special to someone.

Today was one of those days. It was Morgan’s birthday and while everyone was celebrating the little girl’s 7th birthday you sneaked off to the indoor greenhouse. That’s where Bucky found you, because of course he was the only one to notice your absence.

He quietly snuck into the room while you were watering the daisies. “Hey you.” He whispered when he reached your side.

“Hey.”

He could tell something was off, you were being monosyllabic. Bucky took the watering can from your hands and set it aside, then pulled you into his chest for a bear hug.

Neither of you said anything for a while, you just stood there with your face nestled into his warm chest while he rested his chin on top of your head. Occasionally pressing a kiss to the crown of your head.

“You good?” He finally asked, still not letting go of you.

You simply nodded your head.

“Then how come you’re hiding out while everyone is up there having a good time? That’s usually my thing.”

You took a deep breath, “Special days have a special way to remind me that…well, I’m just me. You know?”

“I’m not sure I get it. Tell me more.” He encouraged you by rubbing circles on your back. “You know I won’t judge.”

“Okay. You know I'm happy for Tony and Pepper. They’ve figured it out, how to keep doing what we do and still have a life, a family. And while I know I’m Morgan’s favorite avenger—yes, I know that she loves you but she told me herself I’m her favorite— I still feel…inadequate. Incomplete and sometimes just unhappy, lost and like I just don’t belong… I guess I just wish I was special to someone.”

That hit Bucky like a ton of bricks.

He very much understood now what you meant. Hell, he could relate.

“Baby, you are special to me, to the team.”

He definitely slipped by calling you baby but he needed you to understand that you make a difference in his life. You truly are special to him, in more ways that he can even explain.

You dared to look up at him and found yourself hypnotized by the sincerity in his eyes. “You think I’m special?”

“You are the most special and important person in my life. And I know what it's like to want something…to want someone, to want someone to be your special someone.”

“Uncle Buck? Y/N?” Morgan interrupted the moment, “come on! We’re gonna open presents and have cake!!”

“Well we can’t miss that now can we?” Bucky said and pulled you by the hand and followed Morgan up to the main floor.

“Bucky,” you whispered as you stood by his side on the ride up the elevator. “What did you mean by that?”

His grip on your hand tightened, “Sweetheart, I’m saying you are my special, you have my heart and it’s yours if you want it.” He smiled at you then dropped a kiss to your cheek.

You felt like bursting into tears.

He wasn’t one to express his feelings so freely or openly so you knew he was serious about this. You didn’t get a chance to say anything back because just then the elevator dinged and the doors opened.

Bucky let go of your hand and whispered, “you don’t have to say anything…just think about it.”

You followed him out, almost had to jog to keep up with his pace. Once he was within your reach you grabbed his hand and laced your fingers. That stopped him in his tracks.

“There’s nothing to think about. It’s you and I, James. You have my heart too.”

[the-sweet-hibiscus]

On the Topic of Christina Strain & SaB

So while browsing the hellscape that is Twitter today, the first thing you see in the Shadow & Bone Fandom, is this exchange between Christina Strain (a producer/writer on the show) and a fan.

And I didn't think this would be necessary to say, but this is EXTREMELY unprofessional on the part of Christina.

But I do want to take the time to look and explain WHY from the perspective of someone who is a professional creative by job description. Christina, openly, speaks about her time as a writer on Shadow and Bone. Which is well within her right, as a creative, many times the appeal of following is for behind the scenes takes, more insight into writing decisions, and generally furthering the interest in a show / property after it has concluded. Especially if the conclusion was incomplete and/or canceled before the full story was told.

So here we have a situation.

The Question:

So the question Merel (the fan) asked was about the obvious sidelining of Alina Starkov, our main character. It's not an opinion that Alina was sidelined, it's been observed numerous times, most recently in this collider article talking about / reviewing the blatant reduction of character for Alina.

Merel's question, originally was about S3. Specifically, where was Alina, was there ever a plan for her? Originally, Christina just said, there was nothing written for Alina, and she had a vague idea of a separate storyline.

To which, Merel responded with the wide-spread rumor that Six of Crows, had been rejected by Netflix three times. For reasons not relevant — that rumor isn't true. But she also expressed frustration, as since the announcement of the show's cancelation, Christina specifically has given an overwhelming amount of attention and care to Six of Crows, while not seeming to have any real passion for the Shadow and Bone property or it's characters. Christina's response starts out professional. She clarifies, Six of Crows was not rejected (aka the rumor wasn't true) and that she didn't have control over that decision, which is true.

Where Christina stops being professional, is the other half of her response.

The Response

Here is where so many people take offense, and find issue. Christina, openly shames the Darklina ship. Which isn't inherently bad, no one is forced to like a ship, however. It had NOTHING to do with the question at hand. Just because a fan likes a certain dynamic, of a ship that at one point was canon, and likes to explore that, doesn't mean that they don't know what they're talking about when they're just asking about the future of a character. Merel didn't ask "Oh, how are you going to make this darklina?" She didn't even mention the ship. The only reason Christina even knew about Merel's shipping preference is because she either went on Merel's page or looked at the "Relevant People" column on Twitter for Desktop.

And now we venture into a much worse territory.

Bullying

Let's take a look at the power dynamic in this exchange.

Christina has 9.58K Followers on Twitter. Merel has 114.

Christina is a producer/writer on the show. Merel is a fan.

Christina has a self-appointed responsibility to promote the petition to bring her show back. Merel is a part of the larger community who supported the show. Christina is 42 years old. Merel is 19.

Instead of, ignoring the second response. Or even just clarifying the rumor and moving on, Christina decides that it'd be best to expose this account to harassment from her much larger base. Who responded in kind.

What was the reason? Truly?

Fans are supposed to only engage with a show if it matches how you specifically view it? They can't have questions, or criticisms, or thoughts? Because what was so mean about Merel's statement? What was insulting that Christina had to bring in shit that had nothing to do with the conversation? The rumor accusation? Is that worth getting attacked over? Is that worth attacking over?

The Correct Response

Move on.

No one would have an issue if the conversation ended a tweet earlier. Christina has over 9K followers, anyone could reasonably assume she was simply inundated with responses and couldn't/wouldn't respond further. Her first statement, was fine. To book fans, it may be frustrating, especially if they believed the rumor, but it was still a calm-ish response.

Merel could've been frustrated and that would've been the end of it. Instead, Christina decided her best course of action was to attack a fan, just because she enjoyed the same ship dynamic as people who were rude to her before. Decided to belittle that fan's interest in her show, bc she didn't like the way that fan interacted with them.

It's childish. It's gross. It's lashing out at someone b/c they want to know why the main character wasn't paid attention to in their show.

Anyway, it's clear Christina has a definitive disdain for the darklina fans of Shadow and Bone. It's clear she doesn't respect the people who support her show — unless they just unconditionally praise it. So that's it then. A disappointing end to Shadow and Bone, and an even more disappointing showing of character from the producers/writers.

[sunnykeysmash]

the structure, the "explosion", change and authenticity: a dissection of season 15

As usual I'm prefacing this post by saying these are my personal ramblings about always sunny meta so if you don't like to see that, then please move along.

When season 15 ended, I didn't end up analyzing it because my fixation had ended as well, so that's what I wanna do here, but in order to do that I have to touch on some themes that were heavily relevant in previous seasons but especially season 14.

I also want to properly explain why I've been calling season 14 "the last classic season of sunny", and why I think of season 15 as "a transitional season".

It seems weird, but I wanna start by talking about the season 13 episode, The Gang Escapes.

I've done a quick rewatch of s14 and 15 and the more I did that, the more I started to see Escapes like the predecessor for a lot of it.

So, in it, the gang is playing a game of escape rooms. They are trapped inside of Mac and Dennis' apartment, with only Dee knowing how to get out having done it before. Despite this, she is locked out, and is unable to help them. The boys separate and wrestle for a pair of heartshaped lock and key, and in the end, when they finally settle on how to open it, they discover that inside it says "And so the game begins".

The lock contains a ton of instructions on what to do next, but the gang quickly realizes they have run out of time and are unable to do them all, only for Dee to take the fall allowing them to win albeit in an unconventional way.

This episode reads to me like a cautionary tale on the fate of sunny.

Spending so much time on deciding how to do something or whether they should at all, that when they finally do it, they don't have the time to properly explore the choices they've made. As an example, this comes back with the concept of the seeds. In general, this is always touched upon whenever "imminent death" is explored, because it doesn't allow them more time to continue. This is often paired with a need to "go crazy/explode" by the end.

As a result, feeling constrained inside something and needing to get out before it's too late.

I'll elaborate more on all of this as we walk through s14/15, all the ways in which these themes come back, but for now I want to say that to me, this is likely how RCG has felt writing sunny sometimes: feeling too constrained/boxed inside the way they have always written it, that didn't allow them to branch out and explore the stuff they really wanted to "until the end", which in a way made them feel like sunny itself was the problem and made them consider ending it (aka cutting the head because the hair is a lie) to explore the stuff that interested them, rather than just... doing it while they have time, and being more loose with writing it in general (like how Gus said, the bible is a guidepost, interpretations can change over time).

As such, Escapes is an incomplete view on the situation, a negative one, it shows us what would happen if nothing gave in. Which isn't what happened in the end, but it's still important to keep in mind to read the rest of it.

This is, to me, why they even asked for four seasons in the first place. To have the time to properly explore all the things they wanted to touch on, with their new plan.

I'm gonna try to dissect every episode singularly (the ones I think are relevant anyway) and point out the connection in themes and what I think it all means. I tried to stay brief, believe me.

All in all, some of the themes I've found are as follows: the structure, death/catastrophe, running out of time/losing something (even disappointing an audience), change, and choices. They all apply to writing sunny.

Season 14

This season brings back a lot of stuff from past sunny. It seems s16 will do the same, but back when s14 was just airing, I remember this felt odd to me. Chokes is a direct continuation of dines out (with it being charlie and frank's anniversary dinner) and also calls back to mac's mom burns her house down and dennis system (with the whole poisoning someone so they can depend on you and nursing them back to health etc), poppins comes back, jackie denardo comes back (storm of the century, which also references bryan o' bryen), thundergun comes back, dee day (which is a continuation to mac day), global warming references Spies like US (the fish factory dudes), the waiter comes back... and so on. It felt like they were honoring the past.

But the reason why I consider it the last season of classic sunny, is because it's the one before change strikes. Many episodes seem to place us in front of an inescapable choice that leads to disaster. Some don't even offer a choice, just speak of imminent death.

The Gang Gets Romantic

Breaking this episode down, it's important because it introduces the whole concept of the "structure". A guideline, if you will, that the characters can either follow or stray away from. Throughout the two seasons we will see it redefined constantly, so it's important to understand what it is.

We are given two mirroring plotlines making use of this (romcom) structure. Frank and Charlie follow it pretty closely, and in the end they are rewarded with a romcom-y ending. Mac and Dennis stray from it, because they don't realize that the tropes are applying to the two of them, and in the end, their plans fail. This is actually counter to most other examples of structure that will be written later, and it shows us something important, which is that the structure can work if applied correctly and when appropriate.

So is the structure good or bad? Should it be followed? And what is it?

To me, the structure is a guide. It can aid you find what works on average, but it shouldn't lock you in. Exactly like structure in writing.

But it doesn't matter how you call it: the structure, the algorithm, god's plan, the bible, the base, the four walls encasing you, tradition; it's about something that gives you a foundation, but that you can branch out of, if needed. If your feelings tell you you should.

Multiple episodes will come to grips with this concept. Trying to run from it entirely, or embrace it to the point of almost doing things they don't want.

This is RCG's own struggle with understanding how to write sunny, and what sunny even is, hence why the main theme of season 15 is identity. How much can you stray from your core structure and still be yourself? How much before you don't even like where you're going? What defines you?

And in fact, a crucial theme in TGGR is falling back in love with something.

Pushing it away at first because you think you can get better than that or because you're bored of it, only in its absence to realize that it was already the perfect match. This is the charlie+frank/alexi+nikki plot (we'll be back in one year... covid aside, this is about the show returning and not ending), but it reflects season 15 in general (when you love someone, you can't bear to leave them behind).

Finally, "you think they're gonna give us a bad review?", hinting at the fear of how others will react.

Thundergun 4: Maximum Cool

The gang is selected to judge the sequel of a franchise they are big fans of. However, upon discovering the many changes applied to it (they're rebooting the franchise), they are disappointed and angered. In the end, Dee comes up with the plan that forces the franchise to go back to its roots, and the gang still doesn't support it.

So, how does this fit into our themes?

We have a franchise that has changed to the point of upsetting its fans.

We also have Dee once again being the key role in the story by coming up with the successful plan.

We have talk of a powerful formula that could destroy millions of lives in the wrong hands.

We have change seen as scary and upsetting, and we have talk of "rebooting the franchise".

Most importantly:

"Sometimes, in order to save something, you have to destroy something. And I think I know what we have to do to save Thunder Gun."

"Destroy it?"

This will plateau with Big Mo with its fake ending, but it speaks to the larger theme of considering ending sunny to get to the stuff they want to explore, only to realize they can explore it better if they start now and give themselves more time and just stay looser with the structure.

This is a talk they actually had with Larry David (who will be referenced as Larry Takashi later, creator of Fun Zone laser tag).

"McElhenney continued, “He (Larry David) said, ‘Don’t be an idiot. Never stop. Just keep doing it. One, because it’s the greatest job you could ever want and two, because if you do a final episode they’ll just destroy you for it.’”"

Around the same time, another article came out where Glenn mentioned wanting to follow Curb Your Enthusiasm's model.

"So with all these other projects, like last year, I'm sure you've talked now and again about ending the show for good." G: "We talked about it. At a certain point, we might look at this and go “Yeah, we did it and it's time to move on,” and all that kind of stuff. But I think at the same time the way I see it, we're more like a band than a show now, where we all go off into our side projects, but like, this is the band, and if we feel like putting out another album, we'll put out another album. At this point, it doesn't really make sense to end the show in any official capacity. It's possible that moving forward we move to sort of like a Curb Your Enthusiasm model if we can get away with it. Larry David actually pulled Rob aside at some kind of a function and told him "One piece of advice I'll give you guys: Don't ever end the show. Just don't end it!” I think he figured that out after Seinfeld. I think he was really burned out. But with Curb he knows he might want to come back to it years down the line."

Keep in mind, when these two articles came out, season 15 had not even been written yet. Despite this, me and others started speculating that A. the seasons would return whenever instead of each year; B. each season would follow a story arc.

Seasons got shorter (and point A may still happen), and season 15 ended up following a story arc.

Finally, Dennis once again places us in front of a choice by saying "give me dong, or give me death", implying those are the only two options the franchise has.

Dee Day

There is a choice that has to be made by vote, and the gang is trying to sway the results. In the end Dee hatches a successful plan that just so happens to have the same outcome wanted by the gang in the first place.

We start with them stretching (irony not lost on me 😭) to stay loose because they're preparing for the plan.

"Can we just start?"

"No, we can't just start, okay? Preparation is the key to victory."

Reminds me of Chokes:

"Yeah, but can we just, like, play already?"

"No, we can't just play, Charlie. We can't just play."

"Are you insane?! We can't just play!"

Again getting lost on the how, on preparation, instead of starting. Arguing instead of opening the lock.

Additionally, it's said that Dee wants to do a whole retrospective of her characters. It fits with what S15 has done so far.

Still, we are shown Dee pulling the strings even when it comes to directing the characters.

"And like all great plays, this one is going to have a happy ending."

The Gang Chokes

Frank almost chokes to death during their dinner. Charlie admits he almost let him die because he was mad at him for "interrupting him". At the same time, Mac is taking all his cues to act from Dennis, even in drastic situations, instead of showing that he can make his own decisions, which is what Dennis really wants.

"I would've stepped in, but, of course, I was taking my cues from you." "Why?" "Well, you didn't tell me whether I should save him or not." "But why?" "I mean, why do I still have to tell you what to do?" "And why is it up to me to decide whether or not you're going to save a man's life?"

Being able to make your own decisions depending on what you want to do, instead of always following someone else's directions, regardless of what the outcome is...

"So you were still gonna rely on a decision that somebody else made, only, this time, you were potentially gonna kill a man?"

Dee also starts living on the edge of life and death because it gives her a thrill, but ultimately experiences true death and realizes there is nothing on the other side.

Frank goes to live with someone else (the waiter), but in the end realizes Charlie was already perfect for him. Once again, breaking out and almost ending things only to see all he already had in the end, because Charlie apologizes to him.

And Mac learns to make his own decisions instead of depending on others. Like the structure meta.

The Gang Texts

The bananas thing with the gorilla.

"I sit there, eat a banana real slow, and he comes up to the glass, and he's banging on the glass like the dumb ape he is."

"It will bang its hands bloody trying to get the banana."

"How is that funny?"

"It's funny 'cause he can't get the banana."

Just like the seeds in s15, it's about writing, or rather questioning the way they have written things in the past. Frank insists withholding the wanted thing is hilarious, and Charlie questions it.

Like in Still in Ireland:

"Oh. I should eat it again. Then it would be funny 'cause I didn't learn my lesson."

"No, that wouldn't be funny. It'd just be kind of dumb, you know."

Deriving humor from the characters never learning their lesson, being beaten down by the narrative, never getting what they want. Which is a key component of the classic sunny structure. The meta is questioning it, probably because there's many things RCG wants to do that would go against this. Just like the Shelley arc in s15, after all.

In the end, the characters are allowed to understand each other, looking each other in the eyes as the circle of life plays.

The Gang Solves Global Warming

Talk of an imminent crisis. People are gonna revolt soon (like the audience for Thundergun), and the bar (which has often been used as meta to represent the show) doesn't have enough resources to accomodate everyone.

"We didn't have enough to accommodate the people that were here before, and now it seems like we've doubled in size and we just don't have enough."

"Where is your God now?"

"He will reveal himself at some point."

"Oh. Well, is he gonna do it before all these people revolt and destroy the place?"

"I don't know, Frank. I don't question God's will. If he wants to destroy the Earth, that's on him. I support it!"

Could refer to both RCG's burnout as well as not having enough time. Either way, it leads to disaster.

Mac talks about God's plan, something that is predetermined and thus cannot be changed.

"Guys, we don't really have to worry about global warming, because... yes, is the Earth getting unbearably hot? Of course it is. But it's all a part of God's plan. Look, if God wants to roast us like turkeys, there's got to be a good reason for it."

Mac acknowledges that the plan that is locked in is leading to a horrible unbearable outcome, but still insists there's nothing they can do to change that ending.

"See? It's all a part of his divine plan, Dennis. And that's locked in, so we're good."

"Okay, so all we have to do is nothing?"

"No. No, because... we have free will, Dennis, which means that we have to take the necessary steps to make sure that that plan comes to fruition."

"Which is predetermined."

"Yes."

"But it doesn't matter what we do if it's all predetermined. You see how your argument... doesn't make any sense?"

Just like the structure, this plan doesn't allow the characters to change anything, and it only leads to eventual doom. Or imminent death.

Paddy's Has a Jumper

There is a man who wants to end his own life on the roof of Paddy's, and the gang uses an algorithm to try to determine whether they should do something about it.

So there is a threat of imminent death, and through the algorithm (like the structure), they have to decide how to proceed, only the algorithm eventually leads them down a path they are not fully comfortable with, pushing Bryan off of the roof.

The episode starts with them watching an episode of a show on TV, and being surprised by a twist (a marriage proposal... thinking of dennis' shell that can only be broken by marriage... anyways). The algorithm decided they would like this show, but we learn at the end that they didn't (once again, the audience revolting, whether it be thundergun fans or patrons at the bar).

At the same time, it's repeated that this algorithm takes the emotions out of decisions:

"So, guys, I think I have a way that we can solve this argument without human emotion mucking it all up."

"I don't need your opinions. Okay? 'Cause based on the analytical conclusions that we draw here, we're gonna be able to come up with a mathematically-accurate, non-emotional answer to all of our questions. Okay? We just need to think like a computer."

"Well, it still feels a little weird, but feelings are irrelevant in the face of facts. Is that what I'm hearing? The feelings... feelings just get in the way."

I remember when this episode aired, people interpreted Cricket getting the casaba melon in the end as David Hornsby writing the finale of the season, Big Mo. The casaba representing the show, plus the talk of "helping Bryan die" and "crashing the casaba melon" with him catching it sounded a lot like "ending sunny", which plays both into Big Mo tricking us into thinking sunny was ending, and later acting like the finale to classic sunny. One last season following the old structure before RCG allows themselves to change things up in way that could be risky in fan reception.

This whole episode, with the discussion on Bryan, the egg, and the casaba, reads like RCG deciding on what to do with the show. Do we end it? Do we change it? What makes the most sense vs what do we want to do?

"And then we could be known as a suicide bar, and that's no good." "I don't want to be that." "Yeah, kind of grim." "I'd probably take my business elsewhere." "You don't have business." "What, uh, what if you lean into that, though?" "Like, you don't make it grim, but you make it playful."

This decision they keep hinting at could shift the tone of the show forever, and potentially "drive away business".

So they want to try to decide on it by sticking to what works mathematically, in this case the algorithm, however... it doesn't reflect their feelings.

"Uh, yeah, I know, but mathematically we were supposed to kill a man today."

"Maybe that's, like, part of the problem of, like, taking the humanity out of decisions."

"Perhaps the science just isn't there yet."

When it comes to exploring the canon of sunny, there is a lot that, if the normal sunny structure were to be used, would never be explored in an emotionally satisfying way, which is what RCG ultimately wants to do. I remember when Mac Finds His Pride first came out, Rob kept insisting "the characters change, but they don't evolve", and when faced with so much criticism about the episode not feeling like sunny, he answered that "he decides what feels like sunny, because he's the writer".

I quote:

"What was the reaction like to your epic dance number in the season 13 finale?

MCELHENNEY: It was both negative and positive, which is one of those things we talked about. It’s great to surprise people and have them not have any idea what we’re doing and why we’re doing it. I have people saying, “Oh my God, I love this, it’s one of the best things you’ve ever done,” and then I have other people saying, “You’ve destroyed my show, you’ve ruined it.” And I’m like, “Great!” That’s exactly what we should be doing on the show, is we should be destroying somebody’s idea of what Sunny is on a regular basis. OLSON: It was kind of weird just how many people would just blatantly comment on his body and to me, and we were like, “What would happen if they were commenting on my body to you? Like, ‘Ahh, Kaitlin’s chest…’” MCELHENNEY: A lot of people didn’t like it. Because a lot of people felt like it didn’t fit into the lexicon of what the show is. And I can’t say that they’re wrong, but the difference is that I get to dictate what the lexicon is and they don’t, and that’s a part of the experience."

This episode is also where a lot of explosion talk happens, with Mac and Dennis mentioning they crave it, and the way they want to reach it is by destroying the casaba melon (which as we've established represents sunny).

In the end, it's discovered it's where Frank hides his weed ("I don't think you have to hide it, man"), and Frank reveals it's also "full of loads".

A Woman's Right To Chop

An episode fully about choices and their perceived life altering consequences. Dennis and the rest of the boys want to control what other women decide to do with their hair, Dee defends their right to do it. There's talk of tradition and "upsetting the natural balance of things". The tradition thing will be brought up again in the finale of s15.

I wonder if Poppins could also be considered a metaphor for the show itself. Very old, but full of potential new life that, if let out, could kill them.

Either way:

(Talking of Keri Russell) "Millions of adoring fans, hit television show, you know, and then she went and did this." "Shocking, isn't it? With this one tragic decision, Keri Russell alienated all of her fans, she got her show canceled, and man, she was never heard of ever again."

Frank's talk about cutting all of his hair and losing it forever due to this drastic decision also fits. Burping from his backed up valve due to missing what he lost, the hair that never grew back ("And you're not just giving up being at the top of the leaderboard at some, you know, laser-amusement-themed park, man, you're talking about giving up everything. Everything. Everything we built. Everything we worked so hard for.").

Waiting for Big Mo

And we're finally at the finale for season 14. This episode was structured to trick the audience into thinking the series was ending with its walking out. Not only that, but it's a key episode for meta interpretation of these two seasons.

"Time to end the game" echoes Escapes' "And so the game begins". Because it references the same thing, the game being the show itself.

This is reinforced by the gang saying "it feels like they've been playing it forever", "they never win anything" and that "they get to go crazy at the end of it".

But if the game is sunny, what is the base they're trying to defend? That is the structure.

"Just guard the base, man."

"Kind of sick and tired of guarding the base. What if we go out there, run around? I want to go out there and have some fun, man."

"We gotta guard the base. That's what we always do, and that's what we figured out works a long time ago. Plus, we're waiting for Big Mo."

Dennis is desperate to hold the base and protect it because it's what they've always done, and because Big Mo is threatening to take their place on the leaderboard.

If they were to go out, run around and explore, they would go down the leaderboard, and that is exactly what happens.

"Oh, Charlie, you got to get out there with us. It's so fun. We're finding all kinds of corners of this place that we've never explored before."

"Yeah, I'd love to, I really would, but we're actually... we're losing right now."

An article from season 13 times about "Mac Finds His Pride" reads:

“Some of the uncharted waters, if you want to call them that, were genuine emotion,” Day said on a 2018 Television Critics Association panel. “Once we stumbled on the episode becoming more about Frank being more tolerant and accepting something, we thought, well, this is something we haven’t really done. Our characters rarely change or learn.”

To me, this dissatisfaction is something they felt for a while, and the first time they started really having fun with it again was when they decided to have Mac come out, in Hero or hate crime specifically. That is, because until then, the characters being incapable of change was part of the structure of the show. Something that allowed no wiggle room. But the audience making themselves heard after Goes to hell came out showed them it didn't have to be that way, necessarily.

It didn't come without struggle though, this interview from TheWrap reads:

GLENN HOWERTON: "He’s out (Mac). It’s definitely a big deal for us. I never thought we would do that. … I was against it at first, and the reason I was against it was his character has always been an opportunity to satirize a particular attitude, that still sadly exists, that there’s something wrong with being gay. And I think that it was important to me at least to maintain that level of social satire which is such a big part of the show to me: taking an attitude, taking a point of view that exists in our society, and giving it to one of our characters and sort of blowing it out of proportion. Watching the inevitable outcome of the most extreme version of that point of view. That’s always been my M.O. in terms of the writing of the characters. And to me there was always such a darkly comical and sad element to having this character continue to deny his own sexuality because of the societal pressures that he put on himself… that he had internalized. So I never wanted him to come out of the closet because I thought that to me is… showing just how deep that mentality goes. And despite all the evidence and despite all the support of his friends, the man will still continue to deny his sexual orientation. But then I got to a point where I realized, I’m holding too hard and fast to that rule. And I think we have made plenty of jokes in that arena. We’ve satirized that to death. What sort of possibilities does it open up when that character finally does come out of the closet? Which is why we decided to have him come out once and for all."

Mac coming out forced RCG to reassess to which level the characters were in fact allowed to change.

This article from 2019 has him saying:

“we wanted to make sure that even though the characters might change, they don’t evolve. We wanted to make sure that he (Mac) doesn’t become a better person or a sweeter person or more endearing person or a nicer person. We felt like we wanted to still keep the tone. So I would say, in all the right ways, things remain exactly the same.”

And the amount of change the show as a whole was allowed was something they've grappled since, and something I'm pretty sure caused Dennis Double Life (I mean, Dennis being mindnumbingly bored at how everything stays exactly the same - like his own apartment - but running away at the possibility of change, with the RPG "on the table"...).

Anyway, during the whole episode, the others keep wanting to quit the game for good, because the way Dennis is making them play is miserable, and they'll only be allowed to have fun at the end.

"I actually got an idea. Like, what if you guys don't play the game up in the air ducts this time, but you go down on the floor? Where everyone's having all the fun?"

"They look like they're having so much fun playing laser ta..."

"Will you shut up?! This isn't about having fun. Okay? This is about staying alive and winning."

Dennis (in true double life fashion from him...) places this dilemma like an impossible choice: either you stay alive, miserable, and win, OR you have fun and eventually Big Mo (imminent death) gets you, and you're forgotten. He doesn't see the answer in the middle, which Charlie is quick to point out: playing the game AND having fun with it, not caring how it affects "how well they're doing".

Eventually Dennis learns about what really happened to Larry Takashi (aka Larry David), and the whole gang, for a moment, agrees to "end the game", aka end the show. This was obviously a fake show ending, finishing with them saying "they're never going anywhere". But why is that? Because instead of guarding the base, they decided to play by their own rules.

As such, Big Mo still acts like a show finale, to what Sunny was prior to this decision.

This brings us to...

Season 15

Introduced with the trailer description as "new era, same egos",

Predictably, this season ends up "breaking the bounds" of philly, to travel all the way to Ireland. As Big Mo had announced, they "went out to explore"... but literally.

What happens next is the natural first step of exploration, aka reassessing your own identity.

Season 15 isn't the "franchise rebooted" just yet, it is experimentation. Experimenting with how far they can push things, getting comfortable with the new structure (of a season arc, and otherwise).

With an end comes a new beginning, and a question, what is sunny now?

So, the theme of identity touches every single character on its own, each with their personalized arc that ends with the character coming out changed in some way. This is why to me season 15 is transitional. The show, the characters, are finding new footing. This is especially true for Dennis, whose character has been intrinsically linked to sunny meta for a while now, but I can't fully get into that here (or I would derail the section. I get into it later a bit. also I have gotten into it before tho, though the post is slightly old so some parts may not hold up).

Some characters attempt to cling to their roots, others run from it.

All in all, this season challenges each character on one fragment that always defined their identity, and has them come out of it with a new understanding.

As a matter of fact, this is, to me, the first season where all the characters are actually allowed to develop.

Trying to keep to the point before we get into each episode, here is the arc that each character goes through:

MAC: At first, he is compartmentalizing his own identity. Depending on what he feels is the dominant one, he feels he has to act accordingly, and every single decision is dictated by this. He places great importance on his irish roots, when all of a sudden, this belief is challenged when it is "discovered" that he's "actually dutch". This sends Mac into a spiral, trying to determine what really defines him now that his roots are out of the question. He can't reconcile the fact that different aspects can coexist in a singe person, hyperfocusing on one at a time. Until it's revealed in the finale that he is in fact irish, and Dennis and Charlie tricked him. ("So you thought you'd just unravel my entire identity?" "Nothing's unraveled! We didn't unravel anything! You're still you! You've always been you!"). So what does Mac gain from this arc? Another shamrock tattoo... no, I'm kidding, he gains security in his own identity outside of outside validation. For a moment he experienced what it was like to have everything you thought you knew about yourself be shattered, and what it gave him was an awareness that you're still you even in the face of change, and a determination to stand his ground. All in all, to me, his character is the one who actually changed the least (makes it counterproductive that I'd talk about him first...), which is why season 15 throws him for a loop. RCG already had him where they wanted as far as development goes at the start, due to the fact he was allowed to develop in past seasons as well, so what they did instead was bring him back to a previous point, reawakening his insecurity in his identity. He thought he knew pretty well who he was, until he didn't. And then he's sure again. What this did was have him see that it really didn't matter in the end, he was always him. Another thing this arc did was set him free from his dad's shadow for a moment, as he got another last name. That's because, as the gelled back hair would remind you, he's always looked up to and wanted to prove himself to his father. As MFHP marks the climactic point of Mac trying desperately to have his dad understand his identity, and failing, Jumper shows us that he still thinks of his name in a positive light or at least tries to defend it still ("My dad's name is an homage."), like he's still in denial. In a way, by assigning him the Vandross last name for a while, he was allowed to cut ties with his own name and exist as someone else, only to come to the conclusion that nothing really changed about himself, and he shouldn't stress about identity so much.

DENNIS: In many ways, Dennis' arc is the foil to Mac's. Unlike Mac, Dennis doesn't want to hear a single thing about identity. He doesn't think it should play a role in the decisions you make at all, in fact he thinks no action you take can ever define your identity, and you are whatever the hell you say you are, regardless of where your heart's taking you. Now, on some level, his argument may appear reasonable, or at least more grounded than Mac's. It's true, "Identity doesn't have to factor into absolutely every decision you make.", and you do have power over how you define yourself at the end of the day. Dennis being Dennis, however, we all know the extreme to which he's taking this. He is drowning in denial. Refusing to accept reality at every turn. He doesn't have covid, he's just allergic to sheep wool, and the castle looks great, it's not decrepit. So, Dennis starts the arc with one main ambition: have an authentic experience. He's obsessed with things being true, being tampered with. This is also a season theme, in general (the burning of the shredded documents for example), which again plays into how Dennis meta is almost always show meta as well, but I digress. He forces himself to do things the european way, effectively running away from his roots entirely. The opposite of Mac. Throughout the season however, things escalate. He gets worse, and he starts doing things the old way regardless (like driving the wrong, but right for him in philly, side of the road). It reads like he's trying to negate his actual authentic nature, while being driven insane by the perception of others doing this as well. He wants things to feel authentic, he just can't figure out how, because he can't see as he's blinded by all the denial that's literally almost killing him (you could say he's been trying to pull the wool over our eyes...). It's hard to define in this arc which exact aspect of his identity is challenged, because it's all of them. As the finale states, his whole "essence" is broken, his back, you know, the structural foundation of every person, ("You've always said that your back has the symmetry of the Vitruvian man, and it's the foundation of your structural essence.") the structure of the show, the structure of Dennis. This is another way in which it is a foil to Mac, as he is already secure and open about who he is exactly, while Dennis denies all of it. They're like opposite extremes for how to tackle the structure, and the answer of course lies in the middle. (wink. see I told you it's impossible to write impartial sunny meta, because macden is intrinsic to it... anyway). By the end of his arc however! Dennis has admitted to himself that he had covid. Almost dying from sheer denial gave him enough of a scare to cut that out, if you will, and I can't tell you what the new Dennis will be like or what he has gained besides the lack (or decrease) of denial, because his change is the most fundamental. He will probably be further redefined in season 16. All his identity was impacted.

DEE: This one's easy, what is something that has always defined Dee's identity, to everyone and herself? (Clip Show: "Dee, are you a successful actress?" "Oh, I could have been." "Dee, be serious! Yes or no?" "No.") Since always, she has wanted to be an actress. Finally, she gets the once in a lifetime opportunity to be just that. Earlier in the season, it is hinted especially with her acting classes that what he really wants is to have power and control. This of course echoes what we've seen of her in season 14 (and prior), she comes up with the plans, pulls the strings, prefers to be the director. However, what does an actor do? Follow orders and directions. Previously, she fell into this role due to her search for validation. This is shown with her literally begging the director to have a role. Her arc shifts her character from looking for others' directions, permission and validation to gaining agency (which even echoes thundergun 4! "So, you... you want the female characters to have less agency?") by crushing the possibility of her becoming an actor, her last chance, all the while showing her how miserable it truly is to have to follow everyone else's lead. Anyway, now that the actor fragment of her identity is put to rest, she is free to redefine herself and take charge. Additionally, Sinks in a Bog may have also started a thread to redefine the way she sees female allyship, in fact I think it was the central theme of the episode for her. Thinking back to Making Paddy's Great Again, she was willing to get rid of a perfectly fine new gang member in favor of Dennis, just because she was a woman which made her feel threatened. In Thundergun 4, similarly, she feels threatened by the new female character, and wants other women to be below her, is always in competition with them. Bog puts her in a situation of need where only the Waitress, another woman, can help her. In the end, she lets the Waitress sink in order to get out, but the episode still forces Dee to face a situation in which women working together is the only viable way to get out of trouble. I don't think this specific arc is finished yet for her, but I wanted to mention it still.

FRANK: Another easy one. Thanks to MFHP and the discussion surrounding it by RCG, we know that the role of Frank in the gang is that of surrogate father. However, just because we the audience know, does not mean he does. Frank as a character dismisses responsibilities such as "being a dad". He may show the occasional tender affection towards Charlie, but those moments are far in-between, and when asked if he's Charlie father, he has run from it in the past. We, like him probably, always assumed in the end that he was indeed Charlie's biological dad, despite the lack of test. Season 15, of course, puts a wrench in all of this. This is the fragment of Frank's identity that gets challenged, his fatherhood. Not just to Charlie, but to Dennis as well, which he ends up treating as a "rebound son" and bonding with while he is separated from Charlie. Frank has always kept people at a distance, and almost losing Charlie reminds him to treasure what you have, otherwise you run the risk of losing it. By the end of the season he's almost flipped, in that he is willing to show Charlie that he is "useful", to make himself worthy of being in his life, instead of expecting it. What he gained, in my opinion, is feeling comfortable with the idea of being a father. Actually wanting it. Finally stepping into the role of "the gang's surrogate dad" that has been preannounced ever since MFHP. So that's how his identity was impacted. Not saying he's gonna become dad of the year, just that he's now open to seeing of himself as a dad at all.

CHARLIE: He is the protagonist of the season, the one that gets to have the big emotional beat of the finale, and as such I've left him for last here, because there's more to chew on. Charlie isn't setting out to do anything when he arrives in Ireland. He's pretty content in how things are and who he is, he's just along for the ride... or so he thinks. By finding out the existence of his actual biological dad and meeting him, he is confronted with a whole world of... everything he's ever wanted. Suddenly, what he had before doesn't cut it anymore. He wasn't looking for this, but as he stumbles on it, he realizes quickly that it's everything he's been missing out on his whole life. He wants to start fresh with his dad, wants to learn more about his roots, he is ready to abandon the life he thought he was content in, because he sees how incomplete it actually was. Only... that's not how life works. You cannot alter the past. You can only impact the future. ("The first time round is a bitter pill, but the second chance is better still") He cannot make up for all the lost time and chances, because his dad dies. ("You weren't there! And I needed you! I needed you there. You were supposed to carry me!") The finale says it best: "I'm glad you're dead. Now I don't have to spend the rest of my life waiting for you to pick me up." Charlie, like Dee, is allowed to move on from a fragment of his identity that was weighting him down. He's allowed to let go of his need to know who his real dad is, and is rewarded with the knowledge that he does have people who care for him despite everything. His identity is thus also redefined: he's no longer waiting to know who his "real" dad is, because he knows what makes family real.

In a way, this is the "Big Mo" we'd been waiting for. Despite the apparent negative outcome of the trip overall, the team underwent successful arcs that ended with them all together in the bar, deciding to go back up there on that mountain and help Charlie finish the job ("No hesitation, no surrender, no man left behind!"). Just like a sports team getting "in the zone" and starting a winning streak by working together really well.

So, lets get into the episodes.

2020: A Year in Review

Talk of wanting to set off fireworks in the bar to celebrate.

Obviously, this refers to how sunny passed the record as longest running sitcom with its fifteenth season, but let's also look at the dialogue:

"What if we let off some fireworks in here, huh?"

"Fireworks in the bar?"

"It's never been done before. Right? That could be kind of good, right?"

"You'll burn the place to the ground."

The kind of explosion Charlie wants to set off because "it's never been done before" (echoing Big Mo... exploring new things) could potentially destroy the bar... which, as always, is a metaphor for the show.

The evergreen bar = show metaphor doesn't stop here however.

The gang is expecting a "huge potential investor" and they're gonna try to ask him for a loan for Paddy's pub.

In the past year they've asked for, and gotten, plenty of them for their own little side ventures/failing businesses, and now they want one for their main thing, the bar.

He's not there to give out PPP loans though, what the guy is actually there to do is collect on the ones already given.

Here's how I interpret this. Think of every season a show is given, as a small loan of a set number of episodes that they will then use to tell their story.

Throughout the years, sunny has been given plenty of these, and rarely has it used them to explore a lot of canon, because of the structure of the show that didn't really allow for it.

This is the same sentiment as Escapes, the fear of not being allowed more time, more seasons, to actually do all the stuff they want to do, that they were saving for "the end".

Because as the man hears all the ways in which they have wasted the previous given loans, he obviously doesn't give them another one for their actual main business venture.

So, Mac and Dennis decide to get involved with the election, and as such their loan is for tactical gear, but they end up getting sidetracked entirely, running their own separate poll where people get to vote, while also getting back to their initial thing of singing together.

"Now, the labeling... in hindsight, was a bit obtuse and created a great deal of confusion."

"It kind of backed up the whole system."

"Right. Yeah, there was a whole kerfuffle... I don't know if you remember this... about, like, what votes were supposed to be counted and what votes aren't gonna be counted. And are these legitimate votes, are these not legitimate votes? What's this, what's that? I mean, we put our boxes all over the damn place. So, you know, we created a mess."

This ep also has the whole running out of materials thing that Global Warming did for when Charlie and Dee are making masks and it's hard to meet the demand.

"Um, so, hey, listen, um, listen, we really do believe that with a major cash infusion, we could turn this bar into something..."

"No, no, no."

"...even more successful than it already..."

Thankfully, as we've covered, they managed to get four seasons, I'd say that's a pretty big loan that can only be justified if you have some sort of plan... to "turn this show into something even more successful than it already is".

Or perhaps just to do something so altering that it's potentially show ending, without the fear of getting cancelled immediately.

The Gang Makes Lethal Weapon 7

As this episode has the gang directing a set, it's easy for some elements to mirror the making of sunny, as that's the intended thing in the first place. (stuff like "We could make this more of an art house film. I'm open to it.", whereas in Thundergun 4, their role was that of the audience, which is why there Mac goes "I hope they don't show us some boring art house movie.").

There's talk of a big bang, "I'm sick of getting jerked around, I'm ready to explode".

They start to redefine who the "villain" of the story actually is, something that will also come up later in Mac's discussions about God with Gus. The concept of a vengeful God set out to send a catastrophe to smite and punish them. Like Global Warming. An imminent death, in this case in the form of a tidal wave, an act of God.

I think it's interesting how throughout these seasons, this talk of a "big event", an explosion, is both talked of as a huge catastrophe, yet something that is deeply craved.

Reminds me of Chop, again:

"They're clearly bored and lonely and needing to do something extreme in order to make themselves feel special." "Take this one for example. You don't get a monkey cut like that unless you're broken inside."

A chop, an action that's so drastic it could potentially destroy everything they've built...

"Out of the smoldering ashes, however, I pieced together a cautionary tale. An exploration, not of what is gained by learning, but of what is lost by staying ignorant."

They can't change the past (the first time round is a bitter pill), but they can embrace the future (the second chance is better still), taking what feels like "smoldering ashes" and exploring the lost potential that staying ignorant left them with. In the case of season 15, Charlie couldn't stay with his father and all he was left with was the missed chances ("You weren't there! And I needed you! I needed you there. You were supposed to carry me!"), but in the midst of this, Frank learned the importance of his role as a father (and then we find new seeds to sow, to grow our love we didn't know).

The Gang Buys A Roller Rink

As always, the bar = show metaphor makes a reappearance.

This one is packed, but to summarize, this as well is about falling back in love with something. Or rather... the first half of it. The falling out.

Imagine you've been with something your whole life, you start forgetting why you kept choosing it to stay in your life (reminds me of dennis being asked by he lives with mac in clip show...), you slowly grow bored of it as you realize that it has never changed. You've kept it exactly the same.

You think that means something has to change, something has to give.

You fantasize about how different things could be... that's the roller rink. The roller rink serves the same purpose as them going to Ireland... going as far away from their base as possible, because of this need for change.

Except...

"Don't it always seem to go That you don't know what you got 'til it's gone? They paved paradise and put up a parking lot"

Once again, the implication being that they stuck with it for so long for a reason. The show, that is. Or the bar.

But that's not all this episode talks about to me.

Because it shows the gang acting very uncharacteristically, especially in regards to Dee.

"You know, Dennis looks like Jerry Seinfeld."

"Thanks, man. Yeah, that's kind of what I was going for."

"I don't like how mean they are to each other on that show."

"Aw, Sweet Dee. So pure of heart. You know?"

"Hey, when you going to Hollywood, Dee?"

"Tomorrow. Yeah, this is my last night in Philly. I'm actually super nervous."

"Oh, you got nothing to be nervous about."

"No, you're gonna do great out there, sis. They're gonna love you. You just have so much natural charisma, and you're so funny."

"Such a good-hearted person. Guys, thank you so much for not making fun of the size of her feet. They're very big."

"Oh, no, dude. I would never make fun of her physical attributes."

"Look at her go, man."

"Yeah, she's really flying, huh? Imagine if she didn't have to slow down for her friends."

"She doesn't have to. No, no, no. I... When she asked me to tighten her skates, I secretly loosened them, you know, 'cause real friends don't slow each other down, right? They help them soar."

These are all very "unsunny" moments typically ("I need their aggression at a ten"), especially in the context of the episode where we're meant to read the roller rink stuff kind of as anti-sunny... but something sticks out to me, and it's the last example I brought up.

Normally, it wouldn't fit the sunny structure, and yet we know that's not true, or at least... not anymore. Not always. They did come back for Charlie in the finale.

This is also lampshaded in Goes to Ireland:

"That's exactly what we did."

"Because we wanted to be supportive."

"No, you didn't!"

"Because we are always there for each other."

"No, we're not!"

"Right, guys?"

"In good times and in bad."

It's possible that's one way in which the previous structure didn't allow RCG to do what they really wanted to. Because the gang is not supposed to be there for each other normally, we know this, and yet it's been happening more and more in recent seasons.

Anyway, by having the roller rink part feel so unlike sunny, I think it's yet again addressing this fear that changing too much could lead them to... that. To straying too far away from what they had, only to find out it was already perfect.

Not to mention, they only get into this discussion at all because they just found out the roller rink is closing down.

"I mean, you know, doesn't quite have the same pageantry as a roller rink, but, uh..."

"Well, there's a palpable sadness in here."

This concept of pageantry coming back from A year in review.

"This guy's a huge potential investor. He could give Paddy's tons of money."

"I know, we need pageantry. We need, uh..."

So in a way, its closing down reminds the gang of all the lost potential, of their initial dreams, reminds them of all the things they said they'd do with the place.

This concept of potential... is something that I feel comes up a lot too. Whether it's the potential of new life with the puppies and the seeds, or something more abstract like them looking at Paddy's ("But that said, I mean, you know, it's got potential. It doesn't have to be this, right? We could gut this place, make it totally our own, right?").

The Gang Replaces Dee With A Monkey

Sigh. This one starts really on the nose.

"No. No, no. This can't be happening. I-I-I'm too young. No, why are you doing this? I don't want to change. I don't want to change. Oh, God, it's hot. It's always so goddamn hot. Someone's got to crack a door or a window. Oh, God, no. It's all happening too fast. I had plans, and they were perfect plans. This is just all too soon!"

We start the episode with, again, change, that is leading to losing something, running out of time.

Anyway, talk about wanting to go out, to experiment, and yet again the gang talking about where to go and trying to decide looks a lot like how a decision would be made inside a writer's room. Down to the use of a whiteboard, actually.

Now, about the monkey.

"See? Great, huh?"

"No. No, not great. Ridiculous. You think a monkey can run a bar?"

"Run a bar?"

"It would be great if we could hire more monkeys to do our job for us while we're gone. Like, a team of monkeys who run the bar, you know what I mean?"

"I do have to admit, though, it-it is a little disappointing to, um, discover that a team of primates could do our jobs for us, but..."

To me it sounds like the over reliance on a predetermined system, when writing, often lead to a feeling that RCG's own input wasn't as needed to make decisions, because they already know what works. To the point that a monkey could do their job. In a way, like the algorithm.

"And, uh, everybody write down a destination on the napkin, and then we'll put that destination in this bowl right here, I'll pick one out, and that way not one of us decides ...but we let fate take over. What do you guys think about that plan?"

They are... once again, in the position of having to take a decision. Like Escapes, getting lost in the specifics because they can't agree on them.

Unlike the previous examples however, this is suggesting the complete opposite approach to using a structure.

And it continues:

"You know what, guys? I'm having a lot of fun here. Uh, but I do want to figure this out, so, new plan. All right, here's what we're gonna do. Instead of writing down places, why don't we write down key words? Or phrases, you know? Let's go with our instincts, you know? Whatever we want to feel, whatever we want to experience on the vacation, okay? And then we'll put it up on a board. We'll look at it all together and then maybe the destination will just reveal itself to us."

Like the anti-algorithm, which took emotions out of the equation, this method instead prioritizes them in decisions. And much like Dee Day, the boys took the complicated route, Dee took the simpler one, but they all ended up on the same outcome. Ireland.

Another thing that season 15 introduces...

"You're just being honest about how you feel."

The theme of feelings is now accompanied by that of honesty, of authenticity.

"You're making me realize something here. Maybe this doesn't have to be a scam. What I mean is, [...] I can control you. I can make you feel however I want you to feel, which will help you be a better actor. [...] Oh, that's real power. Way more power than just acting, and I think that's what it was probably all about for me, you know? I just... I was searching for a sense of control."

And of control. People often do something drastic to look for a sense of control.

"And if we can't stop them from making stupid and selfish choices, then we need to give them a place to go to be stupid and selfish." (Chop)

The experimentation, the exploration of feelings, that's what they really wanted.

"You weren't looking for the gay thing. But it gave you a sense of something bigger than yourself."

Something that makes writing sunny exciting... the ability to make us feel whatever they want. By embracing feelings.

But what has authenticity got to do with all this? Well, whatever it is that they're planning to do, something drastic and potentially catastrophic, I think there was genuine fear that it wouldn't be authentic to the show. That it would stray too far.

Think once again of the algorithm.

First, they had to decide if it was something feasible... Something they can actually pull off (Could he?). Then, they had to decide if it was something that would actually happen, within the show (Would he?). And finally, they had to decide if they actually wanted to go through with it (Should we?).

This method was supposed to determine if something fits the canon of sunny, and thus is allowed to be written in.

For this specific thing that seems to trip them up (rolling my eyes because I'm trying to be unbiased here but... come on. well either way, it works for many decisions, like charlie's father, for example), perhaps they kept getting stuck in each of those points of the algorithm, putting it off season after season, without realizing their feelings on the matter, regarding what they really want to do.

The fear of causing sunny's death by going too far (perhaps jumping the shark) started to turn into the desire to end sunny to get to the good stuff that lies at the end quicker... until realization hit. Why end it at all? Why not just... risk it?

So... Ireland.

The Ireland Arc

I think, for the sake of my own convenience, I will treat the Ireland episodes as one big section, because I can't address them separately.

"What did you want me to do, Dee? Did you want me to rent a big obnoxious American truck like that one over there? That's exactly what we're trying to get away from. Okay, you know, the tiny car, that's all part of the charm of-of Europe. You know, like driving on the left-hand side of the road. Dangerous for Americans like you. But, you know, it's authentic and that's what I want, that's what I'm going for. An authentic Irish..."

Dennis is looking for an authentic irish experience. This, to him, includes driving a tiny car, something that's actually clearly causing discomfort to everyone. This will repeat a lot. What he's actually doing, is straying further from his true american nature.

Learning, eventually, to fall back in love with it by the end, because "We are America, sweetheart! And we carry our country with us wherever we go. Because we love her! And when you love someone, you can't bear to leave 'em behind!". I think this phrase, in particular, shows the ultimate acceptance that the gang loves each other, and it's therefore not inauthentic to sunny that they would be there for each other sometimes. It is, in fact, part of its identity. And it always has been.

Anyway, in The Gang Goes To Ireland, eventually we arrive to a cat who has died because it got stuck inside the room of Frank Fluids' headquarters.

Frank is here however to get his hands on some documents, that he needs to shred in order to cover up a lot of evidence for past events.

At the same time, Dee arrives and Dennis reveals having experience "covering up blunt force trauma", so he helps her out by redistributing the blood on her forehead.

So, they are all examples of what can happen if you let structure control you. You can end up occulting the truth in the process. Covering up the past, "repressing" the blood... letting something that's otherwise glaring go unchecked and actively hiding it. And in fact, Dennis can't smell the dead cat.

Something has gone obviously wrong by getting stuck in the room (Escapes...), and everyone else can instantly smell it except for him, because the covid prevented him from sensing the authentic smell.

To extend this though... it prevented him from seeing reality as a whole. That's why he started hallucinating, why he complained about wool, because he couldn't accept reality. And by being unable to accept reality, he couldn't experience it around him. Couldn't sense the smell of the cat, of the hair...

Still, we see s15 change things up with the canon that they probably wouldn't have done before. Charlie being able to read gaelic, for one.

"I'm gonna kill myself, Frank." "He's not really gonna do it, dude, he's just being dramatic." "Do it, bitch!" "Yeah, do it, bitch." "I'm not really gonna do it. It's just a cry for help."

Paralleling Jumper, and thus the whole "wanting to end the show just to be able to go crazy with it". Chop too...

Another thing from Chop that returns here... when Mac thought "Poppins" was sleepy and tried to jumpstart their system with the air horn. Same concept as here with the stew.

"This stew is really doing it for me now."

"Well, yeah, 'cause you're using it as food, instead of using it as a reviving mechanism."

The problem being expressed here, is that it was never about the show not being fun to do anymore per se (comparing it, for example, to a dead body you have to carry up a mountain), but rather that there was a lot of potential stuck inside that was unaccounted for. In the case of "Poppins", all the puppies. The dog was pregnant, not sleepy. In the case of the stew, they were using it to throw it in people's faces or wake them up from having passed out, and not... as food.

Anyway, the gang meets up at Patty's, yet again showing that despite being all the way in Ireland, deep down they miss home, since they picked basically the irish copy of Paddy's to hang in.

Finally, in The Gang's Still in Ireland, we're introduced to the castle.

To me... the castle represents sunny (unsurprisingly, since I'm analyzing the meta about writing sunny).

"Dee, I haven't even begun to do half the things I want to do with this castle. Now you're asking me to leave?"

Dennis insists the castle is perfect, despite the fact it's falling apart.

"Whoa. This place has a dark past. Murder, betrayal, beheadings."

"Well, you know, it's a castle, Dee. You know, people were going crazy in castles all the time. And beheading people... that was just their way of solving problems back then, you know."

Reminds me of Mac's comments towards Paddy's at the end of roller rink, palpable sadness and all that, also Big Mo with the whole "getting to go crazy" at the end. The boldened part makes me think of the old structure. The old structure dictated all the darkness and didn't allow space for exploring something in a genuine way. The old structure demands the use of the murder hole.

Dennis follows the castle's instructions, which drive him further into denial and to act unlike himsels, almost possessed. He hides behinds the painting, which to me symbolizes subtext ("I think there's another man in this room."), but in the end falls out, which follows the meta of the seeds as well, in the sense that Frank is able to get them out of his throat.

About the seeds.

"The first time round is a bitter pill

But the second chance is better still

And then we find new seeds to sow

To grow our love we didn't know"

You could think of the new era as a second chance. But perhaps it applies to the characters as well. Perhaps this plays into God being merciful (more on this later).

The point being, there was a lot of unexplored potential, of lost chances, and by embracing that instead of getting bogged down, they'll be able to build something new. Even if they have to destroy some things for it (Thundergun 4), like the established canon, or the set rules. To fall back in love with the show, by embracing the emotional side of it.

Charlie's reaction to Frank getting the seed out could mimic the audience. Getting a seed unstuck doesn't guarantee that everyone will be onboard.

"I found you, seed. Look at it. I coughed it out."

"Yeah. Gross. Yeah."

"Oh. I thought you'd be happy for me."

Frank proposes he should swallow it back because it would be funny, because that was the old way of doing things and making jokes. The gang never learning as per the structure stopped them from delving deeper. But they don't care about audience reaction anymore ("we'll jam it down their throats till they enjoy it!" "we'll force them to like it!").

"Walking this path is a serious commitment. One that requires considerable training."

"Oh, Father, look, I've been S'ing and F'ing my way through life for far too long. I think it's time that I started sucking down the words of the Bible. And instead of looking for pieces of ass, I'd just look for peace."

"Well, your language leaves a bit to be desired, but your heart's in the right place."

Mac finds the same lesson in his time in the church.

"Many of the stories in the Bible are metaphors. Parables with lessons. Look, you're looking at this all wrong. The Bible is a guidepost. Interpretations can change over time. And so can the Church. Our God, the God we teach here, is a merciful God."

So if RCG is the God in question, then the message is one of mercy ("I'm gonna save you. Unlike you, I'm not a psychopath." "And like all great plays, this one is going to have a happy ending."), unlike the God in Global Warming and Lethal Weapon 7, a vengeful God that punishes its disciples ("to smite me for the urges that He gave me when I made the original sin of being born" ...kinda poetic, because RCG as God created them and made them act as they do, for the sole purpose of punishing them, having been created for this, and they don't really have a say in it).

Most shows also have what's called a "bible", although I remember RCG saying sunny doesn't, but it does have a canon and a structure, a set way that things work and have been done, and what's being argued here is that it should act more as a guide to follow when needed...

"You have urges that, traditionally, the Church has been very clear about. Well... I have those urges, too. [...] It's not uncommon. There's nothing wrong with it. It's who He made us. But our path, this path, is very clear. We must never act on those urges."

...And discarded when not needed. In Mac's case, him being gay, following this teaching from the bible would obviously be wrong.

Also, in general, we hear a lot of bell ringing in this season, both in the context of death (when the corpse is revealed, for example), but also whenever a scene with the church starts. Bells are usually rung only in funerals and weddings, so I thought that was another neat point to the overall themes.

Same goes for them using the song "Can't fight this feeling", that's all about... well, if you've read the lyrics you know. It's all about following your feelings...

The finale also places great importance on tradition, they have to carry the corpse that way because... that's the way things have always been done, that's tradition, that's the structure. But they don't end up carrying it, using a truck instead. Fulfilling the tradition and "sending him off with some dignity" but their own way, making things easier for themselves.

Death also keeps being a looming presence, in this case because of the curse of the banshee. It is said that when you see a banshee, "the end is near". And then death does hit, with Shelley. However, it wasn't the curse that did it, it was covid. The curse wasn't real.

But the corpse tells me something else, too.

"The poor guy's dying from a banshee curse, and now he's got to deal with COVID on top of everything else?"

The corpse is the show. This is important, because there is no death they have to fear. It is already dead. They've been trying to "jumpstart the system", with stew, with the air horn, but nothing they can do to the show can kill it more than how dead it already feels. The act of writing it the old way feeling like carrying a corpse up a mountain, an act so arduous each gang member keeps leaving, and the ones that stay ask for a break all the time.

This calls to mind the time Glenn actually left, and the part where Dennis trips and lets go seems to hint at this as well.

"Could it be maybe the banshee curse? Does it have something to do...?"

"Were you not carrying it?"

"Not carr... What are you talking about, man? Not carrying it? Yeah, I was carrying it."

"Why did it get lighter?"

"Oh, my God. It looks like he was dragging his feet back here."

"Were you hanging on it?"

"No!"

"He must have tripped and lost his grip, and that's how he fell."

"Oh, goddamn it! You were taking a ride? You weren't even holding it."

Seems to be mentioning the fact that Glenn didn't write any episode for season 13 after coming back.

When Mac stops carrying the corpse, the gang mentions that it feels like he was carrying a lot of weight, which to me refers to the most recent arcs being heavily Mac centric with his coming out, probably being the most exciting thing to write about, and thus "carrying" the corpse.

"Um, can I suggest something? What if we burn the body and carry the ashes up the hill?"

"Uh, guys, can I suggest something else? Uh, what if we, uh...? Now bear with me here. What if we chop the body up? Come on. And we carry it in pieces, right?"

"Look, this isn't working, okay? Look, you don't want to burn the guy? Fine. Personally, I don't understand it, but there are other solutions to this problem, okay? Let's just chop the body up. It's already mangled."

Dennis, despite initially insisting he "thinks it's awesome" to carry the body up the mountain, quickly starts getting fed up and trying to find alternative solutions. This probably reflects the reason why the seasons got shorter. A sentiment of burnout that they probably all felt.

The role of Dennis is crucial in this, and it cannot be overlooked. The moment his back is mentioned, especially as it's called his "structural essence", he's inevitably tied to the meta of the show as a whole because of the structure, meaning that breaking the show structure hinges on breaking Dennis' structure. This isn't the only moment this is implied, far from.

A few examples in quick succession, many of which I've already explored in my old post in more depth, some that will be new because they're from S15 (do allow me the freedom to bring into the discussion the concept of "love", that gets brought up a lot, and ties with the "embracing your feelings" I've dissected plenty already):

Dennis entering and exiting the structure in Gets Romantic ("So I'm still your leading man?"). Likewise, there's a lot of recasting talk in Lethal Weapon 7 and later with Dee in S15. Mirrors him leaving for ND as well.

Dennis being paralleled to Thundergun (he finds out he has a son, and in the end he "dies", / "So, this is the midpoint twist." "What is?" "Um, ThunderGun finding out he has a son." "He has a son?" "Yes." "But how is this the twist? I mean, because he's got a kid? I mean, he's probably got a thousand kids, all the raw-dog loads he drops." / "I say give me dong or give me death." / "You weren't looking for the gay thing. But it gave you a sense of something bigger than yourself.")

Dennis being forced by Dee to remove his make up in Dee Day ("Buddy, makeup or not, you are the Golden God. It's all about what's in here." / "Today of all days, and now I'm being forced to listen to her feelings? I won't do it. And who cares about her feelings anyway? Nobody, that's who. What about my feelings? Now, that's interesting, okay?" / "This man is clearly a monster, and he will be punished accordingly.")

Dennis wanting Mac to make his own decisions instead of looking at him for answers ("Well, you didn't tell me whether I should save him or not." "But why? I mean, why do I still have to tell you what to do? [...] And why is it up to me to decide whether or not you're going to save a man's life?"), being upset that Mac wouldn't just jump in to save him. Dennis being worried about his own mortality.

Dennis being paralleled to the Jumper, with the algorithm centering on what they should do with him. Also being the one insisting emotions be kept out of it, yet constantly acting emotional. The casaba, arguably, since Dennis is the Jumper, and the casaba was meant to represent it... ("I don't think you have to hide it, man").

The salon in Chop being called <3 or death, Dennis trying to stop others from making choices reads like him regretting North Dakota ("They're clearly bored and lonely and needing to do something extreme in order to make themselves feel special"), plus the obsession with hair mirroring that in S15, insisting that cutting the hair doesn't follow tradition (structure). Dennis being paralleled to Poppins ("My dog came back!" "How the hell is that dog still alive?" "Yeah, Mac, why don't you just put that poor thing out of its misery?" "Put him down? What, are you crazy? This is my dog, Dee. I love him.") both for having kids he doesn't take care of, and for leaving and coming back.

Dennis being at the center of Big Mo, insisting they keep guarding the base because doing otherwise would lead to death, and then also being the one to say that it's time to end the game. The entire revelation that brings us to the new era started by S15 hinges on Dennis' turning point, deciding not to guard the base (the structure! ...his structure?) anymore.

"They leave but they all come back." is the credits backwards message to season 14. Parallels Dennis leaving for ND.

Dennis having covid parallels Frank's dialogue about Barbara and thus Dee's dialogue for the role she's trying for ("Overnight, she became completely irrational with the hot flashes and the mood swings and the paranoia. That was the worst. Always accusing me of having affairs.").

Dennis' obsession with things being authentic while he himself is so in denial it almost causes him to die. The castle as his facade/identity, telling him what to do, the banquet of humiliation being about punishing a dad for abandoning his child, like Dennis did ("You wine and dine the man while also pointing out all of his character flaws, and then you lure him over to the castle's murder hole." "I'm not gonna kill him or anything, but it's got to be hot enough to be annoying as sh¡t, right? You know what I mean? Yeah. Burn him. Uh, he's gonna get burned. But, I mean, Charlie's got to see him lose his cool, so we can expose him as the child-abandoning monster that he really is.")

The recent seasons have kept laying down implications regarding Dennis in particular. We all remember the Range Rover ("I got to tell you, guys, that Range Rover, that was... that was like a part of me. You know, I considered it part of my identity, really." from New Wheels) being blown up by Mac with the RPG. Without getting into the specifics of what it may be (draw your conclusions, I'll draw mine), something about Dennis' identity is being... concealed, like with make up. Been tampered with, like the hair. Covered up, like Frank's shred-and-spread. Basically, it stands to reason that his back is the one that breaks in the finale, because we may get to explore that, his identity. (And because he feels like he's being left behind by the gang...? Remember tends bar... and thundergun too, its whole motto is no man left behind and yet he dies, which goes completely against that!)

"All right, you know what, guy? Here's what I'm feeling. Forget this dude. He was a deadbeat, right? Can we just go home?"

Season/ritual finished, they return home to their roots, with a newfound love for it.

Not letting the corpse (show) get between them (RCG).

"And we carry our country with us wherever we go! Because we love her! And when you love someone, you can't bear to leave 'em behind!"

So what does this mean for season 16?

The main analysis is done.

It was my goal inside this post to speculate as little as possible, so that hopefully the meta discussed would hold up regardless. This small footnote is for me to go crazy at the end, if you will.

If you were to ask me... season 16 is the aftermath of change. Wanting to go back to the way things were, back to your roots... but you've all changed. It's you (the gang) who's different. No matter where they are now.

"It's the end of the Vitruvian era! It's over! Goddamn! Goddamn! My essence has... been ruined by tiny cars, castle beds and... Goddamn. I hate this godforsaken country!"

So, if you were to see the "falling back in love with something" as an arc, this to me may be the moment in the story where you start to realize what you've missed out on, and what you miss that you already had. Paddy's may be the same, but the gang isn't. Least of all, Dennis.

"Love I get so lost sometimes Days pass and this emptiness fills my heart When I want to run away I drive off in my car But whichever way I go I come back to the place you are All my instincts, they return The grand facade, so soon will burn Without a noise, without my pride I reach out from the inside"

Because when you love someone, you can't bear...

I wonder if we'll ever get to see the RPG fired, that's clearly the type of explosion they crave, isn't it? Sometimes in order to save something you have to destroy it...

"Dear Anna, our time apart only makes my heart grow fonder." (oh like inflation?)

I don't know. I think Dennis, like the show (since their meta aligns), will try to embrace taking decisions based on feelings rather than being cold and calculative. And I think the gang will find that very weird, and may think he's got his bell rung or it's a cry for help or "he's probably faking it".

I also think we will be introduced to the concept of a new structure. That may be the DENNIS system reworked (or just realizing how appalling the old one is, underlining how that structure doesn't work for them anymore), or it may be some method Dennis is using to try to improve his mental health (it would make sense in meta... trying ways to get better... and failing too, like the trip to ireland being a disaster, but still teaching them something along the way), "What's the first word that comes to your mind to describe us?", something like that. Attempting to redefine what was previously established in a new way that works better, that adapts to their current needs.

So we will have gone from... classic (s14), exploration and change (s15), redefining (s16).

Of course, I don't think the exploration and change is finished either. The scene with Frank and Charlie finding a bathroom (which btw... also reminds me of my spec script...) still recalls Big Mo ("We're finding all kinds of corners of this place that we've never explored before."). I think all seasons moving forward will bring up past stuff they never got into before, to some extent. They have a lot of seeds to wade through, after all. They're not running out of those any time soon. Maybe that's what the scene refers too, believability? Might be why there's all those lamps (I didn't discover this... someone smarter than me did). After all this is something they never had to battle before from the comfort of their structure, but now that they're changing things, how much can they do before it's not believable?

I'm not even gonna get into the gang gets cursed without a synopsis, there's too much at stake for me to get wrong... some thoughts were the curse of the banshee, the curse from gets trapped (indiana jones reference... also referenced in s15... ark of the covenant... the crate... "In the bible, there are passages that explain that if a man touches the ark or looks inside it when it is opened, he will die." ...hm! fascinating), the god hole... I won't. I can't. The post is already way too long.

So... this is the end.

Thank you for reading all the way to here, you're insane for doing that, but I deeply appreciate it. Leave some tags if you wants, this took me 5 days to write and I also lost some edits at the end which was like three hours of work... woof.

And please feel free to add your own thoughts and considerations about this meta, despite how long this post ended up being I'm sure I've only scratched the surface of it, especially because I had to disregard almost everything prior to s14 for the sake of staying brief (I KNOW RIGHT?), and I'm sure there's dialogue I didn't include or multiple interpretations that escaped me. It happens, this show is hefty with them. But I hope you enjoyed. Thanks.

[wh0refornikolailantsov]

Everyone's Fate Is Up To The Saints, Except Hers - Tolya Yul-Bataar

Prompt: “If you wish to keep your fingers, I’d take your hands off her.”

Warnings: Canon Compliant Threat

This is really just a drabble but what can ya do.

Not proofread because "no beta we die like men"

Had anyone asked, Tolya would have made it very clear that he 'never doubted her for a moment', that 'her capability was easily beyond that of the task at hand' and he knew, given the opportunity, 'she would've likely taken it on alone'. But Sturmhond, in a brief moment of clear insight, had drawn the conclusion that Tolya would have been very little help carrying out his duties if his mind had been following someone out on the mission. Waiting, wondering and worrying were three things not very conducive with carrying out duties to their requirement. So Sturmhond sent the both of them. No one questioned him, everyone else because he is the captain, but Tamar because she held the same knowledge that Sturmhond had based his call on: her twin for all his openness and cheer, was not letting on quite how deep the river of his care flowed when it came to one particular crewmate.

The she in question, had picked up a pace while Tolya had been somewhat lost in his thoughts.

"Falling behind there sesh?" You ask, turning around with a wicked grin, continuing to walk in the direction you both were headed, but now watching Tolya instead of the path. Walking backwards was something you had gotten very good at with the years of sword training, if you lean to step back with balance enough times, learning to follow the pattern is easy. Yet now, it was certainly more to show off than for practical use.

"You're still not using that correctly," Tolya smiled, an abundance of laughter in his voice. His shadow was being cast by a far off light and the distance made the silhouette looking deceivingly small, compared to the reality. Tolya was just as tall as he was handsome, which is to say more so than anyone really hard the right to be.

"Well if you gave in and told me the word I am looking for," you tease, the sentence hung in the air, feeling unfinished and incomplete. But the years have taught Tolya that sometimes you spoke in half, and it was up to the one hearing the words to decide if it was their turn.

"I will not teach you words in Shu just so you can mock me," he means the words he is saying but his tone is far from mean.

"I'm not mocking you," you defend. "I'm attempting to describe you."

"Describe me in your own language," he pulls his graze away, hoping that maybe if he stops staring, you might start looking where you're going, but to no avail.

"So you'll read me poetry in a language I do not know, but you shall not teach it to me?"

"Not when I know your interest lies in different intent, if you wish to understand the poem I'll happily explain it-" he is suddenly silence by a quiet and quick whistle, a signal that stops him in his tracks.

You look on edge, looking around the dim lit street with such concentration and apprehension that Tolya notices how small it makes you look, the fear. He isn't used to seeing you look afraid.

"Sorry," you say pulling yourself back in, raning it back and composing yourself. "I didn't mean to interrupt you when it's about poetry."

"I don't take it personally," he says. "You know Tamar well enough."

"Exactly, I try to let you talk about it as much as possible when there is no one to tell you to stop," the comment is offhand and absentminded, you hadn't meant much by it. It was a truth, and you did not choose to shy from the truth often, but it wasn't something you had meant to declare in any kind of way. Yet the look in Tolya's eyes makes you run the words back, trying to find the secret of the universe, the strangely powerful compliment that had to be hidden in the words you'd spoken without a second thought.

"Thank you," he says, his voice so soft, it hits like whisper.

"There's no need, there are few ways to show someone how you matter to them, and this is mine," if you had to break it down, the moments before, the reasons that this moment unfolds, you could lay out each factor in pieces. The light being so low. The quietness being so rare that sound is a welcome visitor and therefore can lull into a false sense of security. Maybe even your own foolishness, having not turned around despite your previous scare. But if you were honest with yourself, truly honest, it was not your ego or your environment that betrayed you in this small moment. It was your heart. Had you not been searching for something tangible in the unspoken distance between the two of you, there was no way someone could have gotten close enough to place a blade into the small of your back before you reached for your weapon.

"I wouldn't try it," the blade is pushed closer as you move for the weapon, the voice is dark and quiet, but the accent isn't from around here, and there's a gruffness that shows the man's age.

"I am guessing you are exactly who we are looking for," you reply. Tolya reached for his own blade the moment the assailant had stepped out of the dark, he holds it tight and his eyes are fixed over your shoulder. "We aren't here for a fight."

"Tell that to your friend," the man replies.

"Tolya," you say calmly. Tolya is reasonable, Tolya is smart and above all Tolya knows better than most, much better than his twin, when there's not a need for a fight. But he doesn't look willing to backdown.

"Perhaps I might be more inclined to step down if you remove the blade from my friends back," Tolya says slowly.

A hand grips your shoulder tight, and the blade moves from your spine to your side. A much more defendable position, but a still a threat. "Better?" The man asks.

"If you wish to keep your fingers, I’d take your hands off her.”

You watch him and your heart, against your practiced calm, races in your chest and his eyes flicker to meet yours. It dawns on you why he hasn't calmed the situation, why he is defensive and not quite like his normal self. He senses your confusion, your fear and he is not used to that in you. He isn't paying attention to the man's heartbeat or his emotions because he is still fixed on you. And that realisation makes your heart jump in a way you should know better than to let it do, and Tolya feels it. "He won't repeat himself," you tell the man, and he drops the blade to his side. "We were sent to get you, alive was the preference."

"Who sent you?" The man asks.

"Sturmhond," Tolya explains, listening to his heart now, sensing the fear, the anger, the loss. "We are here to help." Tolya's expression softens, he has been in the world and really seen enough of it to know that there's danger in the most unexpecting of places, but one of the many things about him that is never unsurprising, is how he still sees the opportunity for kindness and grace amongst them.

Sturmhond stares at the two of them and is quick to dismiss Tolya, who walks out on the deck and is soon shoulder to shoulder with Tamar.

"You seem tense brother," she muses, eager to hear what had happened.

"I shouldn't have gone," he thinks aloud. Tamar frowns.

"How did you come to that ridiculous conclusion?" She asks, pulling at a piece of the bread she is eating.

"Because it was my presence that made her vulnerable," he explains. "She was scared, I've not seen her scared before."

"Are you sure it was fear, and not anxiety?" Tamar asks nonchalantly. "Besides, Everyone's fate is up to the saints, is it not?"

"Not hers," Tolya says without pausing to think. Tamar gives him a side glance and he shoves her shoulder.

"Not hers?" Tamar echoes. "Not if you can help it."

[tempulian]

Soo about the last ask I did about the Illusionist...

It's fine if you infodump about how Ainé got trapped in her body or vice versa idk, or any other lore :')

I just honestly like the freshness you give with the literal idea of this characters :D

*banging my pots and pans together*

THE FULL ILLUSIONIST BACKSTORY, COME AAND GET IT

tldr: Girl died and was so pissed about it she came back as a ghost wayyyy too fast. Someone revived her body without her in it, and she got stuck on the outside. She had to unwillingly watch the soul in her body brain-fog her way through an entire smp - WHAT SHOULD OF BEEN HER second chance - before giving up. Then she figured out how to travel through dimensions, and became really evil about it when she met this cool spider guy and aided in the murder of an entire royal family.

full story under the cut :]

SOME CONTEXT BEFORE I GET INTO IT:

I've vaguely mentioned it before, but many of the characters featured on my YouTube are from role play servers me and my friends created as early as 2020. Naturally, that means most of their writing was improvised, and very little was planned ahead of time. Aine and Illusionist were made for Whispers and Kingdom, respectively. Whispers happened very organically out of a survival minecraft server, so a lot of the decisions about Aine's backstory were made on the fly. Kingdom's creation was a lot more deliberate, but Illusionist was retroactively fitted into Aine's backstory, so she shares the same writing quirks that come from improvised storytelling. ALL OF THAT TO SAY, these characters were made purely for fun. They aren't my best work when it comes to cohesive writing; They're a little convoluted, a little messy, but they were a lot of fun to play, and that was the goal :)

THE GETTING INTO IT:

Way before the events of Whispers, there was a sleepy little town where a young woman named Erena lived. That town was razed in the middle of the night, and she was drowned in a river after being fatally wounded by none other than Amadeus, the Soldier [ jojenis on instagram]. Erena woke up at the bottom of the river, dead. Her soul had died, and she became a vengeful ghost. She was nothing more than the memories of her old life, but she had every intent to come back and return the favor to the monster that killed her. 

Her plans were immediately halted. She watched as a fae  - named Jophiel, the Lover [also jojenis] - picked up her dead body, and brought it to a hidden bunker. Jophiel successfully found Erena's lost soul, but could not return it into the dead and broken body. Instead, she tenderly placed the soul and the body into the roots of the largest surviving tree in the village.

It should have brought Erena back to her body, but the spell was incomplete. Jophiel was unaware of the ghost already haunting the village and only pulled the soul from death. 

Without the soul's memories... The newly born Dryad became a blank slate. Erena's soul is living a new life without her in it.

Years passed, and Erena learned two important things:

1) she was physically tethered to the Dryad, so she couldn't leave or control anything, and

2) the Dryad was an oblivious idiot.

Erena has been quietly haunting this forgetful Dryad, but she couldn't see or hear Erena. She could instill emotions - dread, fear, sadness, or rage - into her, but nothing coherent enough to explain anything to the Dryad. She always just chalked it up to a deep seeded intuition that she couldn't quite grasp.

Then, the events of Whispers unfold. 

The Dryad finally uncovers the truth of her origins through Amadeus's first hand account, and an old dusty journal that once belonged to Erena...

and the Dryad ignored it.

The Dryad read about Erena, talked to Amadeus, and experienced every bit of rage, fear, and sadness Erena wanted her to feel, but Dryad wanted to define her own life. She wanted to become her own person, and assume her own identity. She knew she was no longer the person that died all those years ago. She didn't have the experiences that made Erena who she was. Without knowing about the ghostly figure haunting her, Dryad decided to move on without looking any deeper into her past. Later down the line, the Dryad would finally become her own person, and pick her name: Aine. 

This enraged Erena. After years and years of trying to communicate with the Dryad, she is just discarded. Erena didn't care that Dryad couldn't possibly know that she was still around. the Dryad decided that Erena's life was unimportant.

She had to sever herself from the Dryad. If her own soul wouldn't help her get revenge on the man that took her life away, then she would make her own...

Erena spent so much of her afterlife sifting through Dryad's head, she figured her influence must stretch beyond just Dryad's mindscape. 

and it did. 

Over the years, as the Dryad forged her own identity, the tether tying the two together began to decay. Aine was no longer part of Erena: she had become her own person, while Erena was still stuck as the girl that drowned in the river. 

Eventually, after the tether disintegrated, Erena found a way to travel in-between realms through the Void (evil worldbuilding shenanigans, just go with me for now). 

She successfully left the realm she used to call home, and ended up settling in Illador, where Kingdom takes place.

She spent her time hopping from mindscape to mindscape, learning about her newfound abilities. She learned she had a particular affinity with nightmares since her dip into the Void, and noticed she began to feel more present, more focused, and more powerful with every new victim.

She kept haunting people's nightmares until she crossed paths with a young Midas [@peitalo]. He proposed a deal that if she helped murder his father, the ruling king of Illador, he would help make her a new body that would be hers. No Dryad, no soul. Just a vessel to possess.

She accepted the deal. She killed his father, killed his mother, and aided in the murder of his older brother, leaving Midas to be the sovereign of Illador. As promised, King Midas helped conjure a vessel that would become a physical shadow that she could control. 

She would don a porcelain mask, and would adopt many names:

The Night terror, The Cleric, The Queen of Illador...

But "The Illusionist" was always her favorite.

[bluedalahorse]

Hi Blue!! I’m very interested in the pro choice fic! What is it about?

Okay so this was a post season 2, written pre season 3 fanfic I was working on, and it was quite angsty! Essentially Sara turned out to be pregnant, and decided to get some abortion pills and take them far away from home. She asked Rosh for help, and although Rosh was pissed at Sara, she decided she’d help her all the same. Felice (who was also not talking to Sara) ended up on the journey too. Felice, Rosh, and Sara were the three POV characters, and there would also be bonding, but also a lot of uncomfortable moments and moments of tension, too.

I think I wrote this one in part out of spite, because there were anons arguing that a teen pregnancy plotline would be oh nooooooooooo the worst thing ever, and I was like, hang on, I can actually see one being done well? And fitting into the themes of the show? Since so much of it is about parent-child stuff and cycles of generational trauma. So I started writing.

You can read the beginning of the story over here at this post.

I’m going to include two more excerpts from the story below the cut, just for fun.

Rosh explaining her reasons for helping Sara:

Rosh’s Phone

Messages with Ayub

Rosh: I’m going to be a little further out of range than expected

Rosh: but Sara’s still with me and she hasn’t done anything worrisome

Rosh: you and Simon good?

Ayub: the video games are keeping him busy

Ayub: but he’s pretty pissed you’re hanging with Sara right now, after what she did

Rosh: we’re not exactly hanging

Ayub: I know

Ayub: well. I don’t know. You can’t tell me the details. But I trust you.

Ayub: and I can look after Simon for both of us

Rosh: look I’m pissed too

Rosh: but she came to me, and she asked me to do this favor

Rosh: and I figure I’m being loyal to the part of Simon that wants to keep Sara safe

Rosh: I have to take over that for him, because he has to be angry with her right now

Rosh: and you’re going to stay with Simon and that’s how you and I are going to look after him

Ayub: three musketeers, baby

Ayub: do you think they’ll ever forgive each other?

Rosh: I don’t know

Ayub: I don’t know either

Ayub: …so weird

Rosh: right?

Rosh: anyway we’re ending up at some rich girl’s vacation cabin. Long story as to why but pray for me.

Ayub: I will be disappointed if you don’t come back with china teacups and raised pinkies and opinions on artisanal cheese boards

Rosh: shut up

Ayub: I mean Simon’s going out with the prince of Sweden, you may as well hook up with a golden coffee mine heiress

Rosh: shut UP, when have I ever gone for a posh girl

Rosh: also coffee doesn’t come from mines

Ayub: not with that attitude it doesn’t

Rosh: oh god our best friend really is going out with the prince of Sweden

Rosh: so weird

Ayub: SO WEIRD

Ayub: …do you think he can get us tickets to the Eurovision Song Contest? Or maybe the Stanley Cup?

Ayub: asking for myself

—

Felice and Sara have a really complicated conversation, content note for discussions of upsetting relationship dynamics (incomplete, but you’ll probably get the idea)

Sara plans to sleep that night with a piece of bar soap tucked into her pillowcase. She’s careful to slip it into the pillow she brought with her, instead of one of the pillows she’s borrowed from Felice. When she packed the soap into the very bottom of her backpack this morning, she wrapped it up in a scarf first and then zipped the scarf into a makeup pouch. Whether she’s hiding it from herself or others, Sara doesn’t really know. The soap is the color of eggshells, and weighs about as much as eggshells in her palm. Sara stole it off of August’s sink a few days before they all met in the field with the gun. If he knew about the soap, he never mentioned it or teased her for it.

The soap smells minty in a way that stings Sara’s nostrils. She breathes it in through the t-shirt soft layer of pillowcase, and even though her heart calms, her stomach tightens. Since Sara let a boy rewrite the way her body works, tension travels and transforms inside her in ways she can’t predict.

Of course Sara wishes that she could fall out of love all at once. Most of all, she wishes she could erase falling in love in the first place, for Simon’s sake. After the doctor at the clinic informed her, however, that she would need to take two pills over two days, and that her bleeding would diminish gradually over two weeks, Sara understood. She knows now that she is going to lose a piece of these feelings at a time, that their falling away will be like the erosion of a cliff, rather than a magician’s disappearing act.

When the morning comes, Sara wakes up to Felice sitting beside her. She is briefly hopeful, as Felice encourages her to sit up and hands her a glass of water, that the erosion is something Felice will understand, too.

They don’t talk much, at first. Instead Felice works the tangles out of Sara’s hair with careful fingers. Then, gradually, she begins to braid Sara’s hair, and as she braids she tells stories. There were a few other guys before Hillerska, all of them older. The first used to constantly pressure Felice for blowjobs. Another was a family friend in his first year at university; he was funny and liked to explain to her about the female authors he was reading for classes. He also called her exotic and kept trying to top off her wine glass when they sneaked away from their parents’ dinner parties. The last boy seemed kind and sweet—he had a dog he said he would die for, always texted her pictures—until Felice found out he was keeping a very blonde, very serious girlfriend a secret from her. The summer before Hillerska, Felice had to use emergency contraception after one of her hookups with the third guy. She had another girl buy it for her and smuggled the packaging off to a trash bin in a public park so her parents didn’t find it. She never told the guy.

Sara has heard Felice allude to other guys before, but never these details and personalities. She wonders if their other friends know the stories, and if so, why Felice didn’t tell her.

“Our friendship is still over,” says Felice, as she binds off the end of Sara’s new braid with a hair tie. “I’m just saying, I know it’s scary. I guess I don’t want you to be scared and alone right now.”

“Thank you,” says Sara, and part of her means it.

Another part of her is still at the back of the Bjärstad bus, the rough fuzz of the bus seats pricking at her legs through her school tights. Her fingers are numb and heavy now, just the way they were when she dialed the police that day. She was alone and scared, already. Still is. Sara accepts this as her punishment.

“I wish you’d told me sooner,” Felice says. “About what was happening between you two.”

“I told you, I didn’t know how,” Sara replies. “I know it’s too late for anyone to forgive me.” The phrase I feel like the worst person in the world echoes in her thoughts. She closes her eyes against it, then opens them again.

“If you told me sooner,” says Felice, “We could have done something. I could have given you more time with Rousseau. Your real true love.”

Sara balls her hand into a fist and presses her knuckles gently to Felice’s arm. “Stop that.”

That’s the part that Felice doesn’t get—that the love is the same. Not in the vulgar way TikTokers claim it is, when they’re making fun of horse girls. Only the way there’s an addictive thrill in being the one person who can tame someone known for trouble.

That’s crazy, right? Sometimes Sara is convinced that she’s going crazy.

“I wouldn’t have let Rousseau get sold, at least,” says Felice.

Sara’s stomach lurches. It occurs to her, in that moment, that Felice doesn’t know what happened with Rousseau. Sometimes Sara forgets it herself, it’s so strange. Grand gestures happen in movies, not in real life.

“August bought Rousseau for me,” she says. “From those awful horse people. Not that I accepted—”

“He bought you an entire horse?”

“I said I didn’t accept. I don’t think he knows how to take care of Rousseau.” Sara presses the tail of her braid between her fingers. She presses hard enough to bring pain to her fingertips, so she can block out the image of her horse—whose horse?—alone. “And now he can’t learn how. Not since I… not since the police.”

Felice flops backward onto the bed and stares up at the ceiling.

“He bought you an entire horse. And you were squeamish about the riding pants we got you. So that’s why you let him do anything he wanted?”

“I didn’t, though.”

“Alright. You did report him in the end.”

“He’d done bad things. He hurt people. I had to.”

“So he got you pregnant. Did he try to like—I’m sure he told you it would feel better without a condom. So many guys say that.”

“He never said that. We were always careful. I think one of the condoms must have been defective.”

“You can be honest. Sometimes boys lie, or secretly slip stuff off or—”

“I’m not lying.”

Sara wraps her arms around herself and rests her chin on her knees. She isn’t exactly sure what she’s supposed to say, but she’s fairly sure that whatever she’s saying now isn’t what Felice wants to hear. Maybe the price of forgiveness is pretending she’s been a helpless victim all along. She’s supposed to recite lines about August like: He manipulated me and tricked me. He didn’t let me say no. I was screaming and he put his hands over my mouth. I couldn’t fight back.

That’s easier for Sara’s old friends to swallow than: I saw him take pills and I know he was lying to me about what he was doing but I also planned to ask him about it until he got help. I was sure I could do it because he wasn’t as far along as Pappa, and I know what far along looks like.

Easier than: to be quite honest he treated me like his princess and we took turns doing the rescuing and I liked that and it even kind of turned me on, okay?

Until August took the prince and princess part more literally. Sara keeps reminding herself that she drew her line there, that she was able to put her foot down and refused to go to Valentine’s with him and be publicly recognized for that reason. She reminds herself that she isn’t going to let the tabloids talk about her. That she doesn’t want to live in a toy castle even if the castle is real, even if sometimes it even seems like it would be easier living in a castle than anywhere else.

(August doesn’t actually want that either, right? His words and actions say he does, but Sara also knows his body now. She’s felt how his breathing relaxes in the brief moments that he stops holding himself to royal standards.)

[adarkrainbow]

Do you think the way people talk and discuss Walt's "Classic Three" (Snow White, Cinderella and Aurora) is accurate or close to what happens in the movies? I mean, they are always referred as excessively passive, weak, only interested on their looks (vain? superficial?), useless, beauty being their only good quality... And I ask myself, when was the last time these people watched the movies? Snow White negotiated her stay in the house, Cinderella survived a life of pure abuse & orchestrated her own escape from the tower, and, while not very much is shown about Aurora, she was about to sacrifice her personal happiness for the kingdom's sake (something Philip didn't have in mind)that takes courage! They don't wield swords but they are much stronger that they appear, and while I get some of the critique, I hate the "strong only means kicking butt" idea, like, it's incomplete, and superficial, and it can be reductive & dangerous (for the girls, and for the boys too!)

I have talked about this before in many posts, and others have talked about this way better than me, so I'll try to break down my opinion in a quite short and concise way. And as usual, you probably won't be surprised to find me again, neutral on those topic.

On one side: people are unfairly criticizing and judging too harshly the "original trio" of Disney movies. This has been explained by many people on this website, so I won't expand on this too much, but indeed, there is a mixture of superficial viewing of these movies, of not-contextualizing them, of projecting modern-day values and expectations over nearly century old pieces, and of a general need to criticize and rant about everything (especially big corporations and the "classics" of culture - whenever something becomes a classic, a backlash awaits). Cinderella is a much more surprising and strong character than you'd expect. These movies do teach the idea that being strong doesn't mean simply kicking everybody and proving yourself to be a lone wolf (especially since there's a strong focus on friendship in those stories). The whole "the prince kissing Sleeping Beauty in her sleep is rape culture" is ridiculous ; especially since in the Disney version it was made to be a true love kiss, between people who were in love, and the whole context was the breaking of a curse ; AND the actual rapist-origins of the story are from a 16th century Italian fairytale nobody knew about until the Internet dug it up in the 2010s. Even today many people who invoke the rapist-story are unable to tell you who wrote it or where it comes from, because they just latch onto the idea "Oh yes there's a rape story." and that's it, no more research for them.

Heck, Sleeping Beauty is even surprising for its time AND for the Disney criteria by having elderly, non-attractive female leads who do more than the actual male hero and ultimately are the true focus of the tale - the fairy godmothers. Same things with Snow-White - to make the dwarfs the equal of the titular Snow-White, even more to focus more character development and screen time on them rather than the princess, and to give them unique characterisation and treat them as people rather than plot-props... This was BIG, this was not something usual, and this was a game-changer. Overall - I say the same thing for fantasy literature - a lot of the "new" or "modern" twists people expect from today's fictions are awaiting you in the past. Everybody complains about traditional fantasy not having POC main characters or not having strong female lead that is not sexualized - Earthsea had all those by the 60s and 70s, and it was just as influential on fantasy as Lord of the Rings or Elric.

However... Recognizing that a lot of the criticism is unfair and overblown, and that the backlash is ignorant and caricatural does NOT mean we should just blindly worship and naively accept those movies as untouchable, sacred relics that cannot be criticize. If there is a backlash, it means there is a reason for such criticism to arise in the first place, and we must identify why - to give back the problem in its proper proportions, and not in the exaggerated state we are offered today.

So... The other side - why is this Disney trio not fitting our modern world?

And the answer is very simple. They are heroines of 17th and 19th centuries tales, that were adapted for an early 20th century American mindset. They are bound to age or be unfit for the 21st century. Placing them back into context allows us to understand how great, good or groundbreaking they were in their time - but it does not mean they hold up to modern-day characters. Some elements of the Disney movies aged better than ever, some are still resonating today, and this is what gives them an "out-of-time" feeling. Yet... yet there is a reason why the "Disney princess" had to evolve and had to change herself to fit a new audience. Why did the characters of Rapunzel and Elsa of Disney had such huge success and were beloved by the masses? Because they were answering early 21st century needs, society and expectations, the same way the original trio did for their time.

A character like Aurora of Sleeping Beauty couldn't work today because she literaly is a paper-thin character that does nothing throughout the story and is truly more of a MacGuffin than anything. Oh yes she speaks, has a song, has feelings and emotions - and there is this very progressive idea of having Aurora be unhappy and traumatized by discovering her princess heritage, which aged very well! But the rest? She is a baby ; then she sings about being in love ; then she cries about not wanting to be a princess ; then she sleeps ; then she is married. The story is done and moved by the interesting characters about her, but not by her - Maleficent wants to destroy Aurora, Philip wants to save Aurora, the fairy godmothers wants to protect Aurora... I do not recall which feminist created this theory, but there is the test of the lamp. If you can replace a female character by a beautiful lamp, this is bad for you. And unfortunately Disney's Sleeping Beauty "succeeeds" at the test of the lamp, since Aurora's massively passive involvment in the story makes her a perfect fit. The king and queen create the most beautiful lamp you ever saw ; Maleficent angry curses the lamp to be destroyed ; the fairy godmothers are tasked with keeping the lamp safe ; later the prince discovers the lamp in the woods and wants to have it for his living room, so he plans to return later ; meanwhile the fairy godmothers return the lamp to their rightful owners the king and queen, while Maleficent captures the prince who returned in hope of taking the lamp ; etc etc... It does not change the story one bit.

Another, even more obvious example, of the "age" of those characters - Snow-White. Disney's Snow-White is the very embodiment of the "50s housewife" cliche, and thus was a perfect fit for this first-half-of-the-20th-century American society. In the Grimm story, the little girl enters the house, takes the food, goes to sleep, and upon meeting the dwarfs they make a bargain of chores in exchange of protection. In the Disney movie? She cleans the house all by herself, without asking anybody, just in hope it will please people. Which is a very "fairytale" move... But still is perceived badly as just the typical idea that "A good girl cleans up the house, that we ask her or not". The fact Snow-White also acts as a mother figure for the dwarfs despite being a teenage girl is... yeah it is questionable and there's a whole baggage of the girl existing as solely a future mother and a housekeeper-in-training. Let's not even talk of the infantilization of the dwarfs just because of their small size despite being clearly much older than her...

So yeah, I always take a neutral stance on things (except for a few stuff), and this is no exception. There is an unfair treatment of the original Disney princesses, definitively, and people are misreading the original movies... But when we take a critical look we also have to recognize that these characters were designed for a given society and a given time, and that now they made their time, we do not need them anymore and we can move on to other characters while fondly remembering them or taking inspiration from them. Erasing these characters would be stupid and absurd - but it is just as stupid and absurd to try to cling onto them constantly and to try to make them fit everywhere and anywhere (yes I am taking a jab at Disney and their perpetual recycling and their favoritism of remakes over new movies...).

.

[vibratingskull]

Mermaid!Thrawn x f!reader part 6

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

Well, let’s just say your mother didn’t appreciate you coming back drenched to the bones in her home. For that you earned 3 months without the right of going out except for college and work, with a tracking app on your phone as a bonus. Seriously?

But today is the day your punishment is lifted, so you pedal like a maniac in the street of your small town to the library, texting Eli on the way. You roll along the cliff, near the chasm to admire the ocean as you ride your bike, you inhale the scent of ocean spray as you hurtle down the hill. Today will be a good day!

“So what do you search for exactly?” Eli asks, putting the microfilm in his reader, “I’m searching for articles on the death of the priests.” you explain, he stops mid-movement to look you dead in the eyes “You mean about this story my great uncle told you about?”, you nod and he sighs “Why?”, “I’m taking interest in true crimes lately, I just want to see if it could make a good episode to tell.” you lie. He sighs again but helps you nonetheless.

You spent around 3 hours searching through the archived articles of the gazette but found nothing potent, you press your lips into a thin line, disappointed, “The Gazette is more right-leaning, surely they would have talked about an incident at church…” he whispers, “Maybe the church opposed to the idea?”, “And lose an opportunity to play martyrs? Surely not!” Eli counters “We must have missed something.” You go back to your microfilms with more focus and it pays off! One hour later you got something

“Look at that! It says a gang of rioters put the town upside down on the night of the 6th, they tried to penetrate into habitants homes several times and even abducted an infant following “the incident at church” of the day prior,” “You think this is it?” he wonders, “The dates could match!”, “What happened next?”, “The parents fought off the abductors and saved their child, but it suffered grave cuts on the chest and back. They had to go to the hospital. The gang disappeared in an unknown location towards the sea.”,“Huh… Funny.” Eli comments. He doesn’t understand, it only makes sense to you for now. You change microfilms on your machine “Help me find the one published at this date, it should confirm my suspicions.” but impossible to find it. “You’re sure we got all the microfilms?” Eli asks suspiciously, “Yeah… I helped the librarian, there wasn’t any other box of microfilms.” then why one edition was missing? “You think the archives are incomplete?”, “That would surprise me a lot! You know how old towns love their archives.” he laughs. You bite your lips pensively, why does it have to be especially this one? Especially the one that could confirm the date and the incident. Crap! Is it a coincidence?

You rummage through all the microfilms, to no avail. You have to come to your sense : this edition is definitely lost. “Don’t be like that” Eli tries to cheer you up “I know! The University got a club of journalism, no? We could try their archives!” You nod feebly as you walk out the library, disappointed. Eli circles your shoulders with his arm “I’m sorry, I didn’t know it was so close to your heart. It is a new hobby of yours?”, “Well you know how my mother hate when I paint. She threw all my art furniture in the bins after an argument one month ago…”, “Even the merman you were painting?” your heart pinch at that memory “Yeah, even this one… She knew I put a lot of my heart in this one…” Sometimes you can’t wait until you gather enough money to run away to the city and away from your family…

“Say… You know what could clear your spirit?” He proposes “Coming to church with me!” Eli smiles broadly. You gauge him up and down not amused “You know I would burn as soon as I step foot into the buildings? I’m an impious harlot, remember?” He winces and joins his hands together “Please… Don’t let me go alone… The new priest is terrifying!” he begs you with his eyes. You look at him with a light grin. Fearless Eli who would face up an ouragan on his fish boat is trembling before a man? You can’t miss that! “Alright, but only because it’s you.” you squeeze him back.

You sit down on the bench of the church, it feels more fresh inside! You tend to forget Eli’s family is pretty religious. Except his grand uncle. You always stayed together outside of church while Eli’s inside when you were young. He told you fairy tales and legends, your parents trusted him to take care of you during this one hour outside of Eli’s parent supervision.

When you rise your head to the altar  you understand what Eli’s meaned by terrifying. Perched up, judging everyone and their sins is Priest Tarkin, as cold as ever. You lower your gaze as your eyes meet, you realize everyone do the same. Nobody dares looking him in the eyes. You wanna whisper something to Eli but he’s already praying next to you, eyes closed shut, hand clasped before him, so you remain silent, looking at your feet. You discretely let your gaze navigate the room as Tarkin starts the mass to pass time.

And you froze.

Here… On the other side of the room, a few rows before yours… The gang that hunts Thrawn!

Eli yawns deeply, clearly not pleased to be on a bark at this hour of the night. “Tell me again why I accepted to follow you?”, “Because it will be worth it” you simply respond by paddling further away. He begrudgingly follows.

When you’re far enough you stop and take out your ukulele and start singing under Eli’s wide, confused eyes. He remains silent for 20 minutes and then explodes. “You have talent, I’ll give you that! But if you wanted to give me a show, my room would have been as good! and less cold.” He almost sneezes. But you don’t listen to him, you lean overboard and tap water to create waves.

You hope he will come

Surely he will come…

You then feel a claw grazing your palm and two red orbs under water. “Hi, Thrawn! Would you please hop on the bark? I got someone I would like you to meet.”, “Who are you talking to?” Eli grumbles, hugging himself in the cold “Fishes?”. 

You shout him a smile and take Thrawn's hand to help him on the bark. He jumps in easily and sits in like a king, slouching with his tail resting in water, floating lazily. You turn towards Eli with hope. He looks at Thrawn with round eyes and a mouth agape. Thrawn looks back to him with a thin smirk. Eli remains silent before finally speaking “What the fuck is that?”, “Not what: who! Eli I present you Thrawn. Thrawn, Eli.” Thrawn immediately leans towards him with his hand extended to him like you teached him. Eli jolt away. “Santa Maria, It moves!”, “Yes he moves, he’s a living being” you tempers, a bit annoyed “Isn’t he marvelous?” Eli gulps, eyes fixed on the claws of Thrawn’s hand “Seriously, who the fuck is this?”. “He’s my friend!” you exclaim joyfully, Eli cross himself “You’re friend with a monster?” he asks, utterly terrified. “He’s not a monster” you protest “he’s a person!”, “I’m sorry, I don’t know any person with claws, a tail and shark teeth!” he counters. Touché! You wince “He’s a sensible person with sentiments, you’ll see when you’ll know him better. Come closer! He won’t bite!” Eli remains still “Come on, shake his hand!” you encourage. Eli tentatively extends his hand, shake it with Thrawn and takes it back as quickly. “So? What do you think?” you shout, full of excitement. “I… I don’t know…”, “What? Aren’t you excited?! Isn’t it incredible? I mean, he’s a merman! A goddamn merman!”, “Incredible, that’s for sure…” He gulps “Listen… I think I will head home.” He takes his paddles, “You… You don’t stay?” you ask, your hopes getting crushed. “No… No, I’ve got a long day tomorrow, I … I’ll call you later, okay?” and he paddles away.

You look at him disappearing in the horizon, all of your excitement melting like ice under the sun. You turn to Thrawn who observed you both behind his folded hands with an embarrassed smile “I’m sorry it happened like that. I swear he’s a great guy!” You defend Eli, Thrawn tilts his head “He’s just… He’ll need a bit of time I think.” you murmur “I shouldn’t have thrown it to his face like that…” you sigh, saddened.

Thrawn remains silent, looking at you intently. You shake yourself up and offer him a smile “Let’s not talk about that!” you take out your little white board, some markers and your sign language book “I’ve find something for you to understand me better!” you laugh.

“It is quite useless. I understand you well.”

@blueninjablade3 @al-astakbar @thrawnspetgoose @readinglistfics @pencil-urchin @twilekchiss @ineedazeezee @mssbridgerton @dance-like-russia-isnt-watching @Cortisolcosplay

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[where-is-your-boy-t0night]

very rough and incomplete bullet points from aizas perspective of the story

feliks and aiza were childhood friends, they even survived the transition to secondary school!

however since beginning secondary school, aiza found just about any and every reason to dislike herself. shes insecure, like most young girls of her age, and being shoved into the 'cool' crowd didnt help. everyone is so judgy these days, right? at least she still has feliks.

aiza makes some really good friends. shes got an established close friend group now, actually, which is awesome. her main girls are noa, sabrina, evie and samara. nice.

aiza compares herself to everybody. literally everybody. she overthinks a lot and she perceives herself to be lagging behind, or something like that. she makes many an attempt to ensure that nobody else can think the same.

once she and feliks were about 14 they were closer than ever. romantic, even, which was new. aiza was extremely nervous to mess this up, but she was so excited to have a boyfriend, and especially for that boyfriend to be someone she already knows is great. their relationship is perfect, for a time.

feliks is being weird with her... for some reason. aiza tries not to overthink it, for once. its not like hes avoiding her. noa tells her that hes probably just also nervous because, after all, this whole intimacy thing might be new for him too. aiza doubts that it is, but at the same time maybe her bff has a point.

out of the blue, she spent almost the whole october week break no contact with feliks. at first, its whatever. hes probably just busy with homework or something. this was, however, an unlikely scenario. feliks hates homework. aiza becomes worried for him and catches up with him at school once they return. why isnt he explaining himself..?

"i cant go out with you anymore." or something along those lines. oh god. aizas whole world crumbled in front of her eyes right then. why? what changed? what did she do to deserve radio silence? not a single clue, but it must have been her fault. oh god.

aiza felt like every insecurity she had before had been magnified by about 500 times. what if all of her other friends secretly couldnt stand her and wanted her to leave them alone? what if noa thought she was boring and bland, unfunny and embarrassing? she must want a different best friend. she should pick sabrina or evie, they were so much more interesting and way cooler than aiza. she felt sick.

she tried to put on a brave face. if her friends asked her where feliks had went (she had no idea herself) she would tell them that he was just being a huge jerk and she didnt want anything to do with him anymore. she wished that were true.

noa would come to hear almost everything aiza had to say about feliks. 'almost' meaning just her anger, not her sadness. aizas sadness was private, for when she was alone. like when she felt like crying into her pillow at night.

her anger manifested in her throwing things at her bedroom walls, or feeling the need to walk right up to feliks and scream in his face. she hated him she hated him so so so much. what the hell made him think he could do this to her? after all their years of friendship?

at the same time, she didnt really hate him. she didnt understand how she felt, actually. he lingered on her mind much more than he deserved to.

she found out that enzo was friends with feliks now, which she found from the oh so trustworthy source of information which was karim, obviously. she didnt know enzo that well. anyway, she found him on the yard after she heard of this, and mildly confronted him. feliks is not someone you want to get close to, you know. she couldnt tell what enzo thought about her. was that skepticism in his expression? wanker.

aiza didnt hear much more from or about feliks at all, he had stopped talking to all of his other friends too, it seemed. this didnt make aiza feel any better, but at least it wasnt just her. she spoke to izak privately about it. he was feliks' best friend, the two of them could relate to each other on that. he didnt know much. their conversation became deep, though. aiza misread the situation and kissed izak... oops. he was not happy about that.

maybe aiza shouldve felt worse about what she did, especially since izak had a girlfriend already, who was evie, who was one of her closest friends. but she didnt feel that bad. she kind of didnt like evie that much anymore, anyway. (she felt terrible and scared, mostly in case noa or sabrina reacted badly to this... if they were to find out.)

once evie found out, there was a big argument in the refectionary. the perfect place to shout about something if you want the entire year to also hear about it. even feliks heard about it.

...who is nikita?