#therapist suggested it's the autism but idk

[morganpdf]

mental health apps or whatever that are like "so what was your mood today?" make me so ??? gamer i have many moods and they change from like hour to hour or even in 15 minutes. like yeah i can be ready to be put in the dirt but ill be ok(ish) in 45 minutes. do i average the moods. how do i average them. this means nothing to me. be specific

[rigaudon]

I am holding myself together by a fucking thread and I just want it to break so i can get a break.

[queenquid]

I have a question for people with adhd, especially those diagnosed in adulthood.. did you find getting diagnosed beneficial? I'm not really sure about it myself and idk if I want to go through a whole thing where I get evaluated. If I'm not then no loss, if so then I'm not sure what kind of treatment would even help?

[royalbilliards]

i would LOVE to hear your opinion on maruki's therapy bc i see a lot of ppl saying he sucked as a therapist and i've never seen one so i can't really say anything with certainty...... but idk, i want joker to have at least an okay therapist just because it's a nice touch. also i think it's more satisfying narratively when maruki is someone joker can lean on for support and get attached to, but then has to oppose because shitty actualization. idk. pathetic wet man makes me go brrrrrr

Welcome to the autism zone.

So a lot of my thoughts on maruki’s therapy comes from my own experiences with a therapist in the past (I’m trying to get a new one right now) but. A lot of what Maruki’s ‘confidant perks’ and what they’re called suggest he’s giving Joker treatment for anxiety and depression, which makes a lot of sense given the way he acts in public outside of the joker persona, and the situation he’s in at Shujin (being bullied, for lack of a better term because it’s 5 am and I just woke up, and ostracised due to Kamoshida spilling his criminal record).

Practices like mindfulness and wakefulness sound like bullshit when you first have to start them, mostly because of the names, but the practices themselves are grounding techniques, being able to be present in your body, aware of your surroundings, and not letting yourself spiral via panic or depression and stuff. Detox is a term for drug addiction and alcoholism rehab, they’re not exactly practices we know Joker needs help with, but they’re most likely preventative measures, so that he doesn’t go Down those paths BECAUSE of his situation, which honestly makes sense, depression, anxiety, bullying from peers and the rest of it, including his criminal record and the way Japan treats students with criminal records, it makes sense that Joker could have easily gone down those routes if he didn’t have his friends and the metaverse to blow off steam and have an outlet for his emotions that he isn’t allowed to have in his day to day life. Flow is also a form of therapy treatment for handling depression, and mostly focus’ on capturing moments of positive mental states and allowing yourself to be completely focused and involved in Enjoyable activities that make you happy.

Because all of these therapy treatments that we get named from his confidant perks are Real therapy treatments that both Work and are widely used to treat specific mental health problems (Depression, Anxiety and Self-worth) we get both an insight into how Joker is actually feeling about things outside of what he shows and how useful these techniques are in his actual day to day life, because he’s using them to handle stressful situations in the metaverse.

There’s also the fact that Before everything, and AFTER everything, Joker doesn’t seem to hold much animosity towards Maruki, yes Akechi does and he’s Totally allowed to hate him, but neither Yoshizawa or Joker do, when Yoshizawa is more than justified in being angry and frustrated with him. And it might just be due to the abysmal lack of characterisation Yoshizawa gets, but mostly she seems like she too, like Joker, WANTS to help him, because we know that Maruki himself struggles with Self-worth problems, delusions of grandeur, a messiah complex (in both definitions of the term) anxiety and depression (along with a few other spicier things I don’t feel like mentioning because I’d need to bring up the psa’s on how demonised disorders need to be treated with respect since no one can do that on the internet). But there doesn’t seem to Be animosity between the three of them. Mostly just worry about someone they both cared about, and trusted.

There’s also the fact that, Jokers interactions with Maruki do not End After you help him with his research, we’re just cut off from the interaction at that point, because Joker in canon is explaining to Sae other more important things, he probably doesn’t feel the need to tell her the confidential therapy treatment he’s receiving at school. Their interaction continues, we get a fade to black, so it’s obvious he is getting actual therapy treatment, but Maruki has probably picked up on Jokers earth shattering savior complex and is easing him into the idea of therapeutic treatment by having him assist in his research, so Joker is more inclined to accept the help, since it’s a Transaction to Joker. If Maruki had more time to be Jokers therapist, and I assume he would have at some point Offered to continue his work as Jokers therapist after his tenure at Shujin ending, he would have eventually been able to work on that with Joker, and weaned him off Needing to help people all the time, and viewing social interactions as a transactional thing.

Anyways, yeah, I don’t think Maruki is a bad therapist outside of the horrors, I think people just don’t think about it because it isn’t spoon fed to them in a social link interaction, which is where the assumption that he’s Only using Joker as a sounding board comes from. But what would I know I just did media studies and have a special interest in analysing media, SHRUG

[elkkiel]

Sorry friends, this is gonna be a long one. I feel like speaking in a space where someone may see and perceive what I'm saying is helpful to personal accountability. Please feel free to skip, it's more of a thought dump than anything (I am midway through writing now and I think I lost the plot a while ago lol)

Topics covered: grind culture, mental health, self-care, and learning when to manually sound the alarm for yourself as an audhd-er in the deep end of life.

Here's some tags that I left on the the grind culture reblog before this. I just wanted to share some thoughts and didn't want them to get lost; I feel like making a proper post really solidifies the situation (sorta like getting those abstract thoughts from your head onto paper, and realizing just how bad it is when it's all laid out before you.) And I want to make a change when I can finally get my head above water.

I think it can be especially difficult for us AuDHDers, since we don't necessarily have alarm bells installed that neurotypicals in similar situations may have but "choose" (consciously or not) to ignore. Things can really spiral into a bad place quickly if you don't have the cues or signs to alert you. We need to be diligent in doing those manual checks ourselves, KNOWING that we have struggles that make life just that much more difficult.

Take inventory of your life. Do you allocate time to self-care activities, and/or are those the right activities for you? Turns out for me that building a complex skin care routine (as suggested by mainstream self-care culture) only stresses me out more. Especially when I never have the energy to do it, making me feel bad when I only manage to do the basics *sometimes* (and the stress acne persists smh my head). My therapist recommended productive activities that involve both current hyperfixes and that ADHD Motor™. I want to learn basic carpentry over the summer, since I love working with my hands! For now, drawing masked men as cats will suffice (though I will not complain about the kittenification of my faves)

Choose a moment to consciously feel how your body is feeling. Check in with yourself! This is important for my alexithymia bitches. Are you more fatigued than usual? Are your muscles tense for some reason? Have you been hungry with no appetite? If you notice anything, let's make some connections—really dig into it. The instance I mentioned in the tags above was a really clear one for me. I took like 12 hours on the IV in the Ivy art instead of coursework, and that weekend I slept almost 22 hours. A few days later, I'm still in a cycle of horrible fatigue and excessive sleep. Connecting the trigger event (taking the time to create "unnecessary" art) to current sensations (extreme fatigue) is giving me insight into how stressed I actually am that I wouldn't have really seen otherwise.

I'm also feeling more and more aware of how activities and things become a bit of a crutch to avoid expending energy on social activities. Idk how many other people deal with this particular problem, but I have almost zero social drive. Like I legitimately don't feel the need to meet people and see friends. Almost 100% of my social needs are covered by talking to my parents, chatting with the girls at work (while at work) and passively absorbing interactions from complete strangers within earshot. It's one of the big things I'm continually documenting for when I can finally afford to get evaluated for autism (babygirl I don't even have enough for the ADHD assessment yet and that's more crucial for disability stuff lol) and it makes life real tough.

Not having the time nor the drive to invest in relationships really stunts you as a person in my experience. I don't know how to actually quantify what makes a friend (e.g. are we friends because we are Tumblr mutuals who haven't had an actual conversation but hype each other up in notes?) and I don't have any time to learn. I can't participate in leisure activities that may take some of the pressure off since I haven't been able to practice initiating interactions. It baffles me how some of the girls at work just casually meet up outside of work, or make plans out of the blue in a conversation (how tf do you gauge when/if to propose something????)

Like, it's bad. I haven't seen my best friend in a year and a half, and even the term "best friend" almost definitely isn't accurate in this scenario anymore. It's just another stressor that could potentially be avoided by lifting one's nose from the grindstone, but it's so intimidating to even try at this point. I don't feel the drive to be friends, but something tells me it's healthier than being alone with my work and thoughts.

Idk I think that's all I have for now. I definitely went on a tangent or two that don't connect back to the original idea so apologies for the letter-based vomit.

ty if you read any of this, if you have any thoughts or input I'm always open for replies or asks. The world is big and fast and horrible and confusing a lot of the time, but I think sharing experiences helps to keep things in perspective.

maybe I'll ask more targeted questions for community input some other time because I'm genuinely curious how to navigate around social deficits (the "who is a Friend and why?" thing especially because I genuinely have zero clue)

anyways have a good day, drink some water, take ur meds, and be kind to yourself

[your-system-said-what]

Host: nah, can’t be a system. Like our therapist suggested, these voices in my head are just apart of autism!

💙: idk man I feel pretty real if I’m not real then YOURE not real

host: nothing is real

❤️, shaking their shoulders: YOU ABSOLUTE IDIOT. IM RIGHT HERE FRONTING IM SPEAKING WITH A BRITISH ACCENT WE DONT HAVE A BRITISH ACCENT

host: getting British accents randomly must just be apart of autism

💪: I think at this point we just all go along with it we can’t convince them they’re too in denial

💙: I mean I’m in denial too but like I’m pretty sure I’m real

.

[decamarks]

Hey there! First off I want to say I *adore* your art, you absolutely 1000% perfectly tap into the vibe and style of late 90's/early 00's 3D models in a way literally no one else does. I think about your art of your fake games' glitches (especially the forum post!!! it's. *perfect.*) all the time :)

And I've noticed how you're always very insightful and kind whenever you answer asks, so thank you for that!

If it's not too intrusive to ask, I was wondering how you went about finding a doctor to get your autism diagnosis? I've been pretty sure for a few years now that I'm on the spectrum, but I've never had a clue how to actually get tested/diagnosed. Especially since I'm an adult female too, and I've heard a ton about how autism is really overlooked/underdiagnosed for people like us.

But seeing that you were able to find someone who avoided all the common pitfalls and was able to actually help you made me want to reach out. I had been wanting to ask you this for a while (as you can probably tell based on what the question was haha) but I was too anxious to actually do it (still am, a bit ><). Again, feel free to ignore this part if it's too personal or you don't want to answer it for any reason!

It feels awkward to end an ask with that, so I'll bookend it with something I think you'll like: have you ever heard of trsrockin.com? It's an old fansite I used to visit religiously as a kid that talked about early Pokemon and Super Mario games and collectibles from them, as well as oddities like glitches from the aforementioned games, forgotten weird one-off SNES games, documenting fake/trick fanmade "cheats" for games, and bootleg merchandise.

It's one of if not the first public place (afaik) that MissingNo. and pals were discovered/talked about, and a little community came together to try and figure out why the glitch happened and what all the effects and variants of it were. Even you've been to trsrockin before and none of this is new info, I thought it would at least be a nice trip down memory lane :)

It's an old site that has since been taken down, and for some reason archive.org can't properly archive the full site/all its links. But luckily someone created a complete mirror of it! You can find it here: http://catfish.it.cx/trsrockin/trsrockin.com/index.html

AHH THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!! ;__; you're too kind... i know i haven't posted too much of my 3d work recently, but trust me, i have a LOT more of those faux-retro aesthetics in store with the game i've been working on... >=) i'm always so so happy to see other people appreciate janky ol' 3d graphics, LMFAO

also!! i've definitely heard of trsrockin eheehee... i was a bit too young to use it when it was in its prime (and also more of a bulbapedia enthusiast), but i've perused some archived pages before! old internet forums & fansites are just the best thing in the world...

ANYWAY: regarding your question! Honestly, I'm not sure if I'm the best person to give advice about this, because I feel like I kind of got my diagnosis by chance... Essentially: I started seeing a new therapist; she suggested I might be on the spectrum, I said, "Yeah maybe IDK"; I got a referral to an evaluator—and then an incredibly expensive diagnosis after a few months of waiting and testing.

My case differs in that I didn't really suspect being on the spectrum myself. Which seems a bit silly, considering I now realize I am... observably autistic. In abundance. But it was genuinely hard to puzzle out, what with all my other problems (particularly, severe misophonia, which can be REALLY hard to differentiate from general sensory sensitivity.) So about specifically seeking out a diagnosis, I unfortunately can't give a good answer. But I'm willing to talk about the rest, on the off-chance it ends up helpful! (Under the cut at least.)

I don't like to be too open about my Issues™ online—but I got a whole lot of them, and they used to be a lot worse than they are now, so I was stuck in that perpetual "adolescent with treatment-resistant depression" purgatory for, like... my entire adolescence! Because no one knew what the hell was wrong with me. I'm barely in adulthood now, but I'm extremely thankful to be broken out of that. Both the 'treatment-resistant depression' diagnoses AND the adolescence. Being told with authority that I, indeed, have an untreated case of mega-autism—and not an irreparably broken brain whose electrical activities zap SSRIs straight out of existence—is definitely relieving. And now I can confidently say shit like 'mega-autism', so like, wins all around.

About getting a diagnosis in general: in my case, I kind of needed one, because it would be not be feasible for me to go to school/work/exist without accommodations of some kind. (The evaluation I had was, in part, just to get a psychological report of any kind, since I desperately needed supporting documentation to request accommodations anywhere.) Otherwise, I'm honestly not sure if I'd bother?

On one hand, an official diagnosis is an incredibly affirming thing to have—especially if you didn't even suspect it before; things start making a lot of sense afterwards, LOL—but on the other hand, it is a tedious and kind of humiliating process. And possibly expensive.

And then, like you mentioned, there's the problem of some doctors being biased or plainly godawful at their job/poorly designed systems ruining everything for everyone. It's probably for incompetency on those ends that a diagnosis managed to elude me for nineteen years straight. (Vividly recalling the time my school had a counselor give me an impromptu autism evaluation, in which she concluded that I "didn't seem to have autism, but would probably get along really well with autistic people." WHATEVER THAT MEANT.) But! It's not impossible to get someone who knows what they're doing! I'd love to say otherwise, but I really did just stumble into a decent doctor... There's a lot of luck involved, and man. I did not get good RNG at first. (← I'M SORRY FOR BEING A GAMER.)

I went into the evaluation doubting I had it, and heavily doubting that I'd be diagnosed, but like... Hold on let me reach across your desk and slide you the answers to the autism test. The trick is to not even try to be normal, I think. Intermittently talk about CRT monitors, and how you like learning ciphers, and Pokemon glitches—or whatever else you're into. But those specifically worked for me! "Don't mask", is what I'm saying. (Really though, I think if you're answering everything to the best of your ability, properly administered tests done by a doctor who doesn't suck should be able to diagnosis you. If they don't, then the problem is something systemic, and far beyond anything I could reasonably give advice about...)

ANYWAY! (x2) I'm honestly not sure if any of this is particularly helpful, but if you decide to pursue it, I wish you luck with getting your diagnosis!! It's definitely a bit of a hellish thing to do—but dammit, if it's worth it to you, then it's definitely worth doing.

YOUR REWARD FOR READING THIS WHOLE POST IS: "Kinesin_walking.gif"

YEEEEEAAAAAAHHHH

[lykaios2]

hi! This is the anon(Again, still new! Forgive me!) who asked for the bullied sister! This was really special to me, because it reminded me of me and my little brother who gets bullied for being autistic.

Anyways, if it’s not to much to ask, would you do more little autistic sibling? Thank you!!

pt2 of mm turtles with an autistic sibling! semi sequel to this one

as per usual I tried my best to not make this offensive at all because my (theoretical) autism is not very severe (or maybe it is idk I can't wrap my head around the fact that autism is a spectrum and whenever I see people who have more severe forms of autism I feel bad saying that I likely have it)

anyways enough about me, here you go! hope you enjoy ❤️

Leo:

-Leo really likes to be around you a lot to make sure you’re safe, because he knows that it can be very easy for things to go wrong when you’re on your own. He tries not to be a helicopter parent, but he’s just worried about your safety. He’s aware that you can be very sensitive to your environment. One time, he witnessed you have a breakdown from overstimulation, and he almost had one himself. He was so concerned about you, and he didn’t like seeing you in that state.

-He’s learned all of your triggers and everything that makes you uncomfortable, so he can avoid them all. He knows how to help you calm down if you’re about to have a breakdown or panic attack. He’s basically designated himself as your main caretaker.

Raph:

-After Raph finally started getting the therapy he swears he didn’t need, one of the things his therapist suggested to help with his anger issues was fidget toys. He didn’t really have any though, but he knew you did, so he asked if you could share some with him. At first, you told him no. You didn’t want to part with your fidget toy, what if he broke it or lost it, or worse? He understood your concern, and instead asked if you could help him get one, which was a lot easier for you to do.

-Now Raph always has one on him, and a few extra for you two to share as well. Of course, you still have your own that you keep to yourself, but you've warmed up to the idea of sharing some with Raph. There have been quite a few times where you’ve forgotten a fidget toy at home and Raph has had one ready for you, which has saved you a lot of trouble.

Mikey:

-Mikey is very sensitive towards your lack of speech. He knows you don’t like to talk a lot, but it makes no difference to him. It’s still a little confusing to him though, because to him, talking is one of the simplest ways of expressing your feelings. But to help communicate with you, he learned sign language so you could talk to him without having to actually speak. He doesn’t use it himself (he couldn’t get the hang of it with only three fingers) but he still learned so he could know what you’re trying to say with sign language.

-Sometimes you stay after school with Mikey to watch him do improv or perform in a play. You love watching the shows he does, and you think he performs amazingly, but every so often you get this feeling that you could never show and express emotions like he can. You ask him how he does it, and he says it comes naturally to him. He tells you that it’s okay to not know how to express yourself, and that emotions are complicated and often difficult to understand.

Donnie:

-As quiet as you might be, you could talk for hours on end about your interests. And guess what? Donnie will listen. Your time together is mainly spent sharing about your interests, shared or not. Donnie understands that your favorite shows or books or whatever are really important and special to you, and all you want is to share your love for them with someone else.

-Sometimes at school, he’ll introduce you to one of his friends that likes something you do as well. He does most of the talking in the beginning, but after a while you start to hold the conversation on your own. He often sits and listens to you talk, occasionally chiming in, but he’s mainly focused on being proud of you for talking with a new person.

[magnoliamyrrh]

i find the whole conversation around self-dxing to be interesting too because while self-dxing can indeed be dangerous and bad, on the other hand i am also quite anti-psychiatry, if youve got something youve obviously got it without a diagnosis, and getting a diagnosis can be hard af

like idk i think way too many ppl push this "go get therapy go get professional help and evaluation!!!" thing all the time. as if many therapists and psychs arent stupid af, as if they cant be wrong, as if they cant further traumatize someone, as if they can't be smart and kind ppl but Still get things wrong. and as if the entire psych system for the most part isnt fucked in manyyy ways...... like... yea, if you can and find a good one go i guess depending on circumstance... but you better take everything they say with a grain of salt too, wtf

.... yes teenagers and in general young ppl self diagnoing themselves with 2000 things is harmful. they may be doing it either for attention, because its cool and trendy, bc theyve actually got histrionic or mauchausens, bc theyre pathologizing normal human reactions, or bc theyve not done enough actual research and went off of articles which explain things in such a way that frankly most humans would relate. or they may confuse disorders among each other, or they may not be pragmatic enough abt it. yes this is a huge issue. weve got 20000 teenagers and young adults and even some adults running around saying theyve got turrets or did or autism or bpd or ocd or whatever the hell is trendy. psych wards for symptoms and conditions (which are themselves often imperfect) have been watered down to an extreme and are thrown around. therapy talk is being used to make excuses for behavior which should not be excused

...... at the same time. yea self diagnosis isnt inherently harmful all the time. the ppl who say otherwise and are 2000% certain only docs can tell u shit arent skeptical enough of docs. with some things its obvious. i didnt need any doctor to tell me i had anorexia nervosa or bulimia lmaoooo that shit was obvious and clear as day. i didnt need to be told i had bpd, i caught on at a young age i had it, and bc i neither could go to therapy nor wanted to, i spend years understanding that disorder on every which side and way and recovering from it myself. it saved my life. i dont even wanna know how bad things would have been if i didnt accept i had that and understood it - and yea, i didnt need no doctor to tell me to know. and low and behold, docs agree i used to have bpd, still hsve some symptoms, but have mostly recovered from it. funnily enough i caught onto having some sort of osdd/did years ago, than denied it completely to myself for years, than i couldnt ignore it and deny it anymore. ended up getting a diagnosis for that too. :/ i figured i had adhd for years on end but docs either thought it was something else or i wouldn't bring it up much. low and behold i have a diagnosis and the high doses of adhd meds i can handle without feeling st all "drugged out" are proof that i do actually have adhd

if anything lmaoo i have personal experience with having a crazy psych. a woman who mistook cptsd&osdd/did for bipolar disorder, gave me drugs literally illegally which ate at my body and told me not to tell anyone, and also yelled at me that i was crazy. had a therapist who thinks being molested makes ppl homosexual and that step-parent sexual attraction is normal on some level.....;;;; like;;;;;;..... yea. the psychs and therapists arent some sort of final say people. they can be crazy and they can be wrong

and the idea that Inherently someone with bpd, or did/osdd or whatever else Cant Know of their disorder before being told (tho the latter was actually suggested to me many yrs ago by someone) is just. wrong and harmful frankly. yea in some cases pls dont know, or theyre in extreme denial (like with anorexia). but not with all. not with all. 👀 my psychs found it surprising how self aware i was, impressive, but they did not think this was some sort of disqualification

idk. yea. like. theres definetely issues around self-dex especially in the hell were living today but acting like its Always Inherently Bad and Will Never Help and docs are some sort of authority who are the only ones with some say... ,,,, yeaaaa. no. that's also dangerous

[cyanomys]

Is chronic migraine perhaps a form of neurodiversity?

I recently read this paper. It talks about how chronic migraine patients are more like to have alexithymia, problems interpreting social cues, memory and attention issues, and of course classic sensory overstimulation problems. What does that sound like? Sounds a lot like neurodivergence to me.

I have severe chronic vestibular migraine and I’ve been dx’ed with ADHD as a child, and also had therapists suggest autism screening now that I’m an adult. But honestly it just feels impossible to tease out from the migraine. Why do my ND and mental health symptoms get exacerbated with migraines and vice versa? Where does the migraine end and my neurodivergence begin? I think the answer is it doesnt. They are the same. They’ve always been the same.

Western medicine likes to neatly separate mental conditions from physical conditions but it has never worked for me. Chopping me up into body parts and different specialties ignores the fact that all all my conditions are interlinked and the evidence points to them all being part of the same pathway. I think the reason people with nebulous conditions like mine have often been dismissed and underserved by this system is because they think if there is a mental component then it must be “all in their head.” But the mind is the body. The body is the mind.

Anyway this is my suggestion that chronic migraine be entered into the neurodiversity pantheon. Idk people smarter than me probably thought of this already

[thrandilf]

really trying to figure out where my fandom and writing and interests lie on the scale of like, neurotypical people have interests too vs perhaps a hyperfixation

like I do think NT ppl get strong interests and even mayhaps obsessions. I do think NT ppl write fanfic and strongly enjoy things and I feel a little irked when it seems to me that people assume that anybody who really likes something has ADHD and/or autism like just being into a thing is a diagnosis

but also, is it not normal for people to do stuff like write fanfic, theorize, get super hyped for their shows/books/games/ect? few people are more passionate than sports fans who have lifetime loves of sports teams, wear merch everywhere, go to every game, ect. so then looking at someone who really likes video games or what have you, at what point does "I passionately love this and think about it on the daily" become a hyperfixation?

reading up on it, I'm still lost. NT people can talk about their interests for hours too, but some articles seem to suggest that it's a hyperfixation if someone is just not capable of saving their interest talk for when others are interested. Are you any less interested if you have a filter, though? Idk

I guess I'm like. Fandom/tumblr has a ton of ND ppl in it, but there's also like a lowkey vibe that if you're really into fandom you must be ND and I just don't think that can be possible, but like, is it? idk

for ref, I got told I meet some ADHD criteria but had too much anxiety for a therapist to make a concrete diagnosis due to and I never got a follow up so I'm not NT and I'm just trying to figure out what my interest level/expression is

[symptoms-syndrome]

Ough I'm like. Not necessarilyyyyy mad? At my therapist? But I feel. Not entirely heard.

My therapist is very like. IDK how to phrase it. They use terms like "neurodiversity" and "healthy multiplicity" that tell me they know about the modern. Internet sphere, I think. And usually that's good! But this most recent therapy session felt frustrating. I talked about how I feel like I can't connect with the common narrative about autism, how I feel like something that's caused me a lot of strife is being very trivialized and cutesy-fied and how I feel like I'm being left behind as someone with "stereotypical" autism. How I see behaviors like mine called "bad autistic rep" or whatever. And how "unmasking" is different for me, because for many people it's like "being authentically yourself" but for me. I can't lean into all of my autism because autism made me bite and scratch myself and experience horrible meltdowns and all that. How everyone is talking about late diagnosis and self diagnosis and how no one can tell girls or adults are autistic or whatever when I have always been very visibly autistic. How a lot of the time people talking about unmasking and being positive about their autism making them cute or passionate or fandom-y or whatever fills me with angry bitterness about how my autism isn't like that and will never be seen like that. How they're afforded more kindness due to the privilege of having the CHOICE to mask/not being as visibly disabled.

And like, at the end of the session my therapist suggested someone for me to look into. And they turned out to be EXACTLY what I was talking about hating the entire session. Exactly what makes me uncomfortable and feel excluded and forgotten about vis a vis autism. And it just. Made me mad. The logical part of me says. I'm glad that those people have this guy. Because he seems. IDK passionate or whatever. But he's not passionate about *my* autism. Not actually. He talks big game about how autism isn't ever a disability and that makes me feel. Upset. Because maybe it isn't for everyone but it is for me. It feels like. IDK. He's saying this that and the other co-morbidities aren't actually part of autism when they are for me. It's fine if he just speaks on those other people's experiences but I don't think he's speaking for me.

Literally all of this is just. I don't want to feel alone. I want to see and hear from people like me. But people like me aren't seen or heard.

It's easy to see someone who's late diagnosed and low level autism talk about unmasking and being yourself. It's not easy for someone with more autism and extensive SpEd experience to talk about unmasking or whether we even can/should.

[autismsubway-remade]

waitok. rottmnt headcanons GO.

donnie

autism + ocd (hes just like me for realsies)

trans/nb, bisexual (he/they/it prns)

hes YOUNGER THAN LEO (by 5 minutes. he figured it out w science stuff idk)

likes baking bc its like chemistry but you can eat ur experiments it w/out dying (usually)

stress baker

knows asl and a little bit of japanese (from splinter)

back/posture issues (worse after the kraang bc of shell damage)

chronic back pain...bones of an 80 yr old

mikey

adhd

agender + aroace (uses any pronouns but mostly he/she. none gender left boy is how he describes it)

has a deep interest in psychology and would pursue a career as a therapist if it wasnt for the whole. turtle thing

looks up to leo and thinks hes sooo cool until she turns like 12 and realizes oh hes kinda lame actually. still his idol though bc hes funny

besties w sunita ^_^ bc i said so. new sister acquired

likes watching raph knit

chronic pain after the kraang, as well as tremors

leo

adhd + autism

needs glasses like donnie but thinks they make him look like a nerd so he never wears them..hed rather be blind (until he eventually gets contacts that is)

is actually a nerd, just in denial

trans + gay (he/him)

the WORST flirter ever. so bad at it. absolutely abysmal. he gets zero bitches

is afraid of cold, dark spaces after the whole Kraang Fiasco

saw gram gram in the prison dimension for a bit b4 being rescued <3

knows the most languages (english, asl, spanish, japanese)

likes boxing

cried for an hour when casey jr accidentally called him dad

raph

anxiety + ocd

trans + biromantic asexual (he/they)

loves knitting <3 he makes his brothers and april new sweaters every year

stress knitter. it helps him calm down. after the kraang incident he knit so much that he ended up w 3 piles of scarves, blankets, sweaters and other various items. april donated some bc there were just So Many

watches donnie bake a lot and vehemently denies eating the raw dough (even when donnie catches him)

sometimes sees gram gram in his dreams

rly good at dancing actually

sleeps w a mountain of teddy bears. cries if he accidentally knocks one off the bed

april

adhd + anxiety

nb lesbian (she/they)

TWO GIRLFRIENDS (cassandra + sunita)

has a cat named mona lisa :] shes a calico and frequently hides in aprils backpack to sneak into the lair. donnies her second fav

has Eldest Sister Syndrome

literally the only hamato who actually knows how to take care of herself. frequently reminds her brothers to do that as well

HUGE gossip. w donnie specifically. she'll come over after work and shit talk customers/shitty co workers and he'll just listen and occasionally suggest manslaughter

lied abt being 18 to get a crane license </3

helps the brothers w their post kraang issues

cassandra

adhd

trans lesbian (she/her)

casey jrs biological mom despite saying she found him in the trash

named him after the greatest warrior she knows. herself

raphs bestie! he scruffs her like a cat when she gets too violent.

theyre vigilante buds! shes commited murder before

bit so many kraang zombies. claimed they tasted like bubblegum (they did not)

slightly feral, maybe rabid

actually scarily intelligent, she's just. a little insane

cried when she met casey jr. shes so proud of him

casey jr

So Much Trauma. All Of It. anxiety + ocd + autism

trans + questioning (no time for teen romance in the apocalypse, he/him)

once he gets more comfy w the turtles and family he stops w the sensei or master and starts calling them uncles ^_^ (leo is dad, casey + april + sunita r mom, draxum + splinter are grandpa and big mama is nana)

so many parental figures, watched them all die

the worst fashion sense known to man. its so bad its embarassing

very smart bc he was taught by future donnie, ended up just going to college immediately despite being like, ~15/16

very proud of his stubble :]

loves hockey! plays it w his moms

showers everyday once he figures out what showers actually are

cant sleep alone, if he wakes up alone he freaks out rly bad

good at cooking! not amazing, but good! was mostly joking about eating rats (thinks its funny)

[mueritos]

hope this isn't unsolicited advice, but it might be worthwhile to look into ADHD as well. it has a lot of overlap with autism (re the sensory issues + stimming you mentioned) and often anxiety and depression overlap with it. Good luck, wish you all the best 👍👍

Its okay! i genuinely think i dont have adhd, i know what it looks like because ALL of my friends have it, and I definitely dont have trouble focusing on tasks nor do I have major executive dysfunction issues. Though interesting enough, my therapist suggested ADD/ADHD during my “i relate to autism” session because she said the way i describe my lack of having feelings/not knowing when my feelings r about to spill over is close to how men with ADD apparently are in terms of their own feelings…which felt like a weird connection to make because idk…it felt like she was calling me emotionless 😭 which i have gotten a lot over the years because i just dont respond to things the way people want me to 🥲

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

hey! i struggle with eating enough food. i use the term disordered eating sometimes but i dont think it counts as an eating disorder, and i dont need it to. for me it falls under my autism traits, i think, because im realising it's related to not knowing that I'm hungry and stuff like that. (i am seeing a dietician which has been helpful)

im really just sending this because i want to tell someone who might get it. a lot of my friends struggle with disordered eating but feel like they overeat and are "overweight" or have body image issues so it's hard to talk to them about how im trying to gain weight and trying to eat enough. they're really very supportive but i always feel bad since i know in the past people have wanted to be my weight, or want to have the "fast metabolism" that i have.

idk just looking for solidarity and positivity I guess if you have the energy 💜

It can be hard to cope with the jealousy of others, especially when it's something you never asked for, or when it means that your own struggle is unrecognized or diminished!

That is definitely a frequent problem that occurs alongside autism. In many autistic people, interoception is affected, or the ability to detect internal signals from one's body. That might make it difficult for you to recognize hunger and fullness cues, so it is hard to gauge in your body exactly when you need to eat, or how much food is "enough" for you. I know a lot of autistic people also struggle with sensory-related ARFID, too. I'm thinking of making a sidepage to support adults with ARFID, since it's so hard to find feeding therapists that aren't just for kids.

Something I might suggest - do you have a smartphone, smartwatch, or other smart device you carry with you? Set an "eat" timer throughout the day - ideally, three meals and two snacks. You could carry favorite snacks, like granola bars or apples or crackers, whatever snack-sized foods most appeal to you. That way, wherever you are when your "snack" timer goes off, you have something to eat? Your dietician will probably have more helpful tips. Best of luck - I'm sorry the people around you value thinness so much that they invalidate your issues. That's really unfair. Your issues are valid and you are not alone.

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

dont have aspd but i like never had emotional empathy growing up (yay mix of autism and childhood situations that caused me to unlearn/block off emotional empathy) and i've never felt remorse and i only get small twinges of guilt i can easily brush aside, but i watched drrr at age 17 and showed it to my family and having all of em be like "yo ur just like izaya" (my mum was like "yeah if i hadnt been super careful how i raised u, 100% u would've turned out worse than izaya" which. uh considering before izaya the chara i related most to was azula from atla. fun to hear). and it me caused me to be like "oh shit maybe i should like learn empathy". i didnt realise i had cognitive empathy or that it was even a thing so i spent a few years teaching myself emotional empathy and man it suuuucks. worst decision i ever made. now i spend time being like upset for other ppl? when i used to just, be able to intellectually understand things sucked for them and help em out w/o feeling anything and so i wasnt emotionally bothered/drained afterwards. whereas now i like, spend time crying over other ppl? exhausting and terrible. it hasnt improved me as a person at all, im dont actually care abt things any more than i used to, and i think cognitive empathy is by far the most useful and practical out of the two. im not saying u shouldnt listen to ur therapist, i just kinda wanted to get that off my chest and not be judged?

WANNA MAKE CLEAR i am not judging u i just have always always always wanted to use this meme for as long as i have known of its existence

and what ur describing is literally exactly why i worry abt emotional empathy and feeling remorse like. maybe i'm fine existing this way. maybe i don't want to be fixed!! i get that itd make me more palatable and easier to get along with or whatever but i'm a person too!! what about me?? everyone will have conflict at some point; what about me makes it so that all chances of that need to be hammered down?? i'm a person too- what about what i feel is right for my own emotional state???

fun facts my fiance liked me partly because i reminded him of izaya. idk if you know enough of my blog to know my Lore but: he knew me for a day thru roleplaying and i wanted to know him outside of a rp context, and he was talking abt liking psychology. i then challenged him to diagnose me, yaknow As You Do, and in a Public Server he went "oh you have aspd, don't you?" totally innocently, he had no idea abt the stigma

i ofc denied it because i wanted him to like me and also was sixteen, but oddly enuf the aspd traits are (partly) Why He Liked Me??? not in a fetishistic way but just like, accepting that was part of my personality that doesnt need to be hammered out and like, not acting like Total Full Remission It's Like It Was Never Even There is the only end goal worth chasing like. maybe i dont wanna fully remiss maybe thats my choice and i have fuckin, command over my own god damned mind body and life!!!???

also fwiw: i dont know the rest of your symptoms but you having autism and the symptoms coming from trauma don't negate the possibility that it's aspd so id suggest looking into it more! even if a therapist said you didnt have it, they can be kinda..... stupid about aspd lmfao! don't look on quora and don't look on reddit nothing good lies behind those walls