corkydl

[queenquid]

I have a question for people with adhd, especially those diagnosed in adulthood.. did you find getting diagnosed beneficial? I'm not really sure about it myself and idk if I want to go through a whole thing where I get evaluated. If I'm not then no loss, if so then I'm not sure what kind of treatment would even help?

[nicomoon69]

I’ve made up so much Bernard lore in my head so I’m just going to dump it here

so post Louis Grieve in my head Bernard transferred to an all boys boarding school his junior year (someone suggested Brentwood so I’m gonna go w that). his parents sent him there as a bit of a last ditch effort to straighten him out, get up his grades and push him out of his silly habits. this also included them making him buzz off his hair since they deemed his old hair unprofessional.

all of it was a huge blow to Bernard’s already fragile mental health and self esteem so at Brentwood he was kind of a mess. he wasn’t exactly a bad student but the people around him considered him even more of an outsider than he was before at Louis Grieve.

eventually Bernard did find himself with a small group of friends (might further develop them as ocs??) who were much like him outsiders. one of said friends also being the first time he fooled around with a guy, which led to several more though none of it was ever serious.

there was lots of denial at first but by the time his time at Brentwood ended Bernard had accepted himself as queer.

he applied for a few colleges, some outside of Gotham but he ended up settling for GU bc part of his couldnt handle leaving his city behind. he chose a double major because he thought that would make his parents most proud and bc biology and physics were the only subjects he enjoyed.

despite everything seemingly going well for Bernard he felt an emptiness that nothing could fix, that is until he found the Children of Dionysus. despite knowing the risks of joining a cult he did. he was in the cult for roughly eight months before he got kidnapped to get sacrificed.

that was a rough version of what happened in my head. I have some more details that I couldn’t fit smoothly into that word vomit so here’s some more

Bernard came out to his parents his first semester, which they took pretty badly and led him to getting kicked out and having to couch surf for a bit before landing on the apartment he was living in during TD:R.

to keep himself afloat with no support from his parents Bernard worked two jobs, one at a diner around the corner of his apartment and the other at a coffee shop closer to GU.

at Brentwood Bernard did a lot of experimental stuff with his appearance ranging from spiking his hair after it had grown out a bit to getting his ears pierced multiple times. a tongue piercing came along somewhere in his time at the cult and Bernard genuinely doesn’t remember getting it.

during junior and senior year Bernard joined the basketball team. he was surprisingly good considering he had never showed any interest in the sport and wasn’t particularly athletic before then. basketball somehow also led him to training himself in martial arts.

since I do hc the Children of Dionysus to have some more Dionysian practices I think Bernard developed both a distaste for wine and eating raw meat (omophagia).

Bernard has been refusing to get drastic hair cuts after the buzz cut and is unlikely to get one any time soon. he’s been taking kitchen scissors to his hair and freestyling it if he feels it needs more shape.

though he’s been out for a while Bernard hasn’t actually dated anyone long term before Tim. most people he’s been with were flings or were blocked after a few dates.

the way Bernard got into contact with the cult is through one of his high school classmates, who he’d seen talk about the ways that joining it had improved their life and how they were much more enlightened. he due to his circumstances was an easy victim after his initial skepticism

there’s just a lot of permanent scarring due to the cult, but Bernard doesn’t bother covering them up with make up or clothes. at least not post getting rescued.

Bernard actually goes to therapy after the cult and was also diagnosed with autism (let me project a teeny bit). it helped him make more sense of his life and gave him more direction.

his cooking passion came from his early childhood, being dimmed out in middle school and only returning after high school. he mostly enjoys writing his own recipes and experimenting with taste. there was ofc the added challenge of budget, but it was one of the few things that made him happy.

his conspiracy theorist side mostly calmed down until he was thrust back into it when he started dating Tim. this was due to odd behavior from Tim and until Bernard found out he was RR (which really didn’t take that long) he was balls deep on conspiracy blogs and threads. he didn’t really quite after putting the RR pieces together though, bc he enjoyed being able to subtly help Tim with his cases.

due to the two jobs and double major previously mentioned Bernard has a terrible sleeping schedule. he regularly stays up past three only to have a morning shift that starts at seven.

gonna quite rambling for now lol, might edit this post to add more in the morning but I’m sick of typing. sorry if it’s a lot, I just think abt him a lot……. yea..

[redcr9ssnine]

i do think kankris definition of "trigger" is pretty deeply distorted, i don't think he realizes it's a PTSD/mental health term. considering how anti-negativity beforus is, and also that highbloods are expected to constantly coddle anyone below them both in a systematic sense and in a social coddling silly sense while also being forced to repress any actual anger they may be feeling, i can see "trigger" meaning two different things on beforus (that parallel how they're seen in real life, which is the purpose of beforus in the first place)

Something that deeply deeply upsets a lowerblood troll and sends them into a tantrum that needs to be coddled, typically used in a sense of "oh don't trigger him, i don't want to deal with it." and seen as a sort of ridiculous oversensitivity towards something in lowbloods.

Something that sends a highblood into an improper explosion or negative mindset that can make them more probable to lash out or less likely to coddle those below them and do something violent instead. This is typically seen with more importance because the highbloods can actually do something about it beyond having a "Fit" but it also drastically effects their social credit; it is embarrassing and taboo to have a tantrum as a highblood.

I believe this is why Kankri brings up the slur discourse in regards to Mituna calling Meenah a wader despite it being a class based insult specifically punching upwards. In my interpretation at least, Kankri isn't so much telling Mituna off for hurting the feelings of Meenah, but is telling him off for not being MINDFUL of Meenahs feelings, which could have lead to an undesirable situation if she were triggered. It's his way of warning Mituna to watch his tongue around someone of power, and also why he gets so frustrated when Mituna absolutely refuses to listen.

I think he puts stake into both definitions. He cares for lowbloods who have triggers because he is constantly constantly being categorized as overly sensitive, whiney, and unpleasant for trying to communicate his needs. But due to the fact that he's a red blood and EVERYONES higher than him, he still sees them that way, and has a hard time relating to any of them or wanting to give them his sympathies. Again, Mituna for example, he cares a lot less about triggering Mituna because... Mituna is Mituna. He literally has no power to do anything about it TOWARDS Kankri, but also, Kankri still views him as higher and more privileged than he is, and gets deeply frustrated at Mitunas lack of social graces to keep himself safe, as well as Mitunas refusal to HIDE how disabled he is. He thinks it's pretty insulting that Mituna is implying that anyone cullable or disabled should be THAT incapable of taking care of themselves. (masked autism vs unmasked autism)

But I also think he cares a LOT about triggering highbloods specifically because it can directly impact his safety, and even if he himself has never experienced intense violence due to this (or at least if he has, it was very infrequent) he has constant visions of it through the signless and it fucking terrifies him. He cares a lot about not triggering anyone he thinks could drastically hurt him or impact his life in any way because he thinks if they're triggered they have the full right to do anything to him back in their emotional state. Which I believe is also a mindset encouraged on Beforus.

this is all just high edible ramblings. my point is i think beforus believes that highbloods should have their asses pat so they don't explode and kill everyone, and lowbloods should be placid and have everything done for them because theyre sooooo cute and sooooo helpless and soooooooo stupid. and while kankri doesnt agree with these mindsets he definitely interacts with the world through the lense of beforan politics, assuming everybody else does too. he thinks everybody has the same context that he does, and he doesn't understand that he actaully lacks a signifigant amount of knowledge and perspective

[asmallnerd]

Autistic Shoto Todoroki

The analysis

First off, I would like to say that this is purely a passion project. I am not a professional, I am an autistic teenager and I’m just very interested in this character because I heavily relate to him. I’ve collected some scenes from the manga and two specific things from the third light novel.

If you could boost this (if you’re interested that’d be great because while I really enjoy doing this it does take a lot of time! With that being said let’s dive into this and I hope you find this interesting!

Could Shoto Todoroki be autistic? Here is why I think he absolutely could.

Emotional perception

Let’s start with one of the most obvious things about his character. The emotional factor.

Shoto doesn’t emote in the way his peers do. Now, of course this also plays into the brooding mysterious guy archetype, but that’s not what we’re talking about.

Shoto’s face is typically relatively neutral, this is apparent from the moment we first meet him and while he does tend to express his emotions more clearly later in the story, it doesn’t ever really change. Something that immediately comes to mind is how in chapter 202 Iida asks if Shoto is alright because Iida noticed his expression change (because he knows him very well by this point). Ojiro points out that he did not notice this, since Shoto’s face barely changes at all.

We see Shoto in a lot of situations where his peers show excitement while his expression remans completely flat. This lack of emoting is something extremely common in people with autism. It’s not that they don’t have emotions or don’t express them at all, they just do it in a way that is hard to understand for people outside the spectrum or those who don’t know the autistic individual very well. They often struggle to understand what emotion they’re feeling in the first place and of course it’s hard to express feelings if you don’t know what you’re feeling.

Shoto doesn’t only show difficulty expressing his emotions but also recognizing those of other people. One of the best examples of this is the final exam arc, where he gets paired up with Yaoyorozu. In chapter 63 specifically, he doesn’t realize that Yaoyorozu is upset about something even though to someone else it’d probably have been obvious. Only when Aizawa points out that he should listen to her does he notice that he’s been doing something wrong. Shoto didn’t notice she was upset, and he didn’t notice he was being rude.

Emotions and emotional responses are continuously shown to be difficult for Shoto to handle. What he has absolutely no issues with, on the other hand, are academics. Of course, we can naturally assume that he’s been drilled to study hard from a very young age, but he is also extremely intelligent outside of the classroom. During the sports festival he is the first person shown to figure out that the obstacle course poses a lot more disadvantages to the people in the lead, during the practical exam, he is able to come up with a solid strategy very quickly.

During the training camp arc, him and Deku are the ones to come up with a strategy to protect Bakugo on the spot. He also doesn’t seem to consider his intelligence anything special. A lot of autistic people tend to assume that other people’s experiences align with their own. This can be seen when he seems surprised about Denki worrying that he’ll fail the written final exam. He asks how he could possibly fail if he’s been attending class, like the concept is entirely foreign to him (also there’s about a 0% chance this was a joke because this is Shoto we’re talking about.) He is very good at logical problem solving but emotional issues seem to stump him.

Literacy and verbal filters

Moving on, another big factor that Shoto seems to struggle with is his tendency to be overly literal and very blunt. There are several instances where he says things that we as readers as well as other characters perceive as insensitive. Once again, his interaction with Denki about the final exams (chapter 60) can be an example. He didn’t seem to think it was inappropriate and because this is Shoto, he didn’t ask to tease him either. Denki even points out that this was insensitive to say. A more subtle example is his conversation with Izuku in chapter 73, when they talk about Kota. His overall phrasing is fine, but he remains very blunt and direct and essentially ends up telling Izuku that his tendency to cut to people’s hearts with his words is annoying.

My personal favorite for an example can be found in chapter 83, in the hospital after the training camp, when the class visits Izuku, Shoto points out that “Of course Bakugo isn’t here.” Needless to say, he couldn’t possibly have timed this statement any worse. It wasn’t necessary in the first place, but he didn’t register it as something inappropriate to say.

One example of not him being unintentionally rude but just showing a different approach to telling the truth is seen in the third light novel. The fifth chapter revolves around the class preparing a birthday party for Iida. At one point, Sato asks if Iida has food allergies out of nowhere. Iida naturally asks why he needs to know this, Shoto is immediately ready to answer the question honestly, which would have spoiled the surprise, had Izuku not stepped in.

Autistic people often have trouble seeing whether something is or isn’t appropriate to say. Neurotypical people’s brains have a filtering process, it helps them be aware of possible responses to a statement. This filtering process is not functional or only limited in autistic people.

Shoto is also overly literal. In chapter 57, he gets upset over his friends continuously getting their hands hurt and refers to himself as “the hand crusher”. He is very serious about this and does not understand how Iida and Izuku could possibly think he was joking.

In chapter 164, he answers Gang Orca’s metaphoric question entirely seriously. During the interview training in chapter 241 he first seems confused by the made-up mission in the first place. He then proceeds to ask Mt Lady if she has a heart condition when she uses the phrase “My heart would burst out of my chest”. Finally, he appears genuinely horrified when she calls him a “lady killer” (“My smile will kill women..?!”)

In chapter 257, when Mineta claims school talk will “ruin the taste of the food”, Shoto simply says it tastes the same to him, to which Mineta proceeds to call him out for being overly literal.

Autistic people typically struggle to understand jokes and sarcasm, in fact, it’s often one of the main characteristics in people with an ASD diagnosis.

Overfamiliarity and Oversharing

Shoto’s tendency to overshare is another thing that is very typical foe ASD.

He doesn’t seem to understand that telling his life story to a classmate he’s barely interacted with prior is not exactly an appropriate thing to do. He repeats this later with All Might and, most notably, in chapter 165, when talking to the preschoolers during his provisional licensing course.

He also seems to have a slightly different perception of what makes someone friends than his classmates. As shown in chapter 241, to him, spending time with Bakugo during the licensing course is enough to deem them friends. Even when Bakugo points out that there is no correlation between the time spent together and friendship, he still doesn’t seem to understand.

Autistic people tend to become overly familiar and are easily attached to people if they perceive just one of their interactions as positive.

Attachment to inanimate things

This is something not really shown in the manga, but noteworthy, nonetheless. We know that Shoto, upon moving into the dorm building, remodeled his entire room from a modern, more western style room, into a traditional Japanese style one. The second chapter of the third novels goes into depth about why he did this. Shoto was entirely dumbstruck and thrown off by how different the room is from what he was used to. He knew the traditional Japanese rooms from home and his brain assumed that the dorms would be the same. He felt like the different style was wrong. He doesn’t like the unfamiliar flooring and even a small thing like the positioning of the light switch bother him.

He’s not comfortable in the unfamiliar environment, so he decides to change it.

Autistic people often struggle to adjust to changes. In environment and routine. They feel most comfortable in a well established and familiar routine, that includes the feel of their living space. A change of environment this drastic would be extremely stressful for someone on the spectrum.

Another thing that isn’t particularly obvious but does make sense when considered is that Shoto seems to have a comfort food (cold soba). While he’s never shown or stated to be a picky eater he does seem to opt for the same food whenever he gets the chance. Autistic people often have a very restricted diet due to sensory processing issues that apply to food textures, smells and taste.

Additional points

Shoto seems to be a little face blind. He doesn’t know who Kota is when Izuku mentions him, which seems to genuinely surprise Izuku. He also didn’t remember Inasa at all despite them having been at the same entrance exam.

In chapter 202 he’s shown completely zoning out. Of course, this can happen to anyone, I just found it interesting because it was shown so clearly, making it obvious that it was something we should pay attention to.

In the novel chapter in which he remodels his room it is also mentioned that the feeling of synthetic floor against his feet upsets him.

Shoto also seems relatively indifferent to temperature. Of course, that would correlate to his quirk as well, but it is also common for autistic people to struggle with temperature perception as well as other things that neurotypical people don’t struggle to recognize like hunger or thirst. This specifically applies to situations where you would typically end up in pain like, for example, frostbite. Shoto would obviously be used tot his but him showing no reaction at all to his body halfway freezing over was a little unnerving.

He also is shown to be relatively uninterested in certain social events like for example the room competition after the class moves into the dorms. He doesn’t want to be there; he’d rather go to sleep. In the beginning he also shows clear disinterest in making friends with his classmates. Both very typical things for people on the spectrum.

In chapter 244, Hawks asks Shoto a question in a way that seems to confuse him so much he can’t even form a coherent response. [Hawks: “Seemed like you were in trouble, Endeavor.” Endeavor: “Me? Not a chance.” Hawks: “But it seemed that way, didn’t it, Shoto?” Shoto: “Um..I…uh…”]

He probably didn’t register if Hawks actually wanted him to answer or not.

In chapter 64 he mistakes Yaoyorozu crying for her feeling sick, horribly misreading her expressions.

This last point is more personal than the rest, watching his reactions to Endeavor’s fight with the Nomu in chapter 190 made me think of the stress progression that often causes autistic shutdowns. Shoto was clearly becoming more and more stressed as he was watching and once it was over simply seemed to shut down. That is a very typical response to emotional distress or overstimulation in autistic people.

Final disclaimer

This is purely for my own entertainment; it is not meant to be offensive to anyone and I am not saying that this is absolutely what is going on. I’m simply elaborating on a theory/headcanon that I have. That being said, if you have questions feel free to drop them in the ask box, I’d be thrilled!

[autistic-bibliophile]

After months of research, I'm seriously considering the possibility that I'm autistic, but I'm scared if I move forward with an assessment and I actually do have autism that my life will drastically change. I'm scared if I ask for accommodations at work, HR and management will treat me differently, that my chances of fostering or adopting children might be zero, and that my health and life insurance rates might raise... I honestly don't know what the future might look like and that terrifies me.

I'm scared I'll have to mask through my entire life in order for my dreams come true and be treated fairly in society.

hi okay thanks for asking! So first, I just want to make it clear that you don’t have to disclose an autism diagnosis to anyone. A lot of people choose not to tell their employers (or extended family etc) of their diagnoses for this exact reason. Remember that if you get diagnosed with autism it means you’ve been autistic your whole life and just not known it! You’re still the same person, you just have a better understanding of yourself and how your brain works, as well as your own limitations. I can’t say I know about life insurance or anything but I will say that if you choose to ask for accommodations at work, they do have to listen to you. You can start by just asking for small things, I know some people use the label “neurodivergent” so that they can communicate their needs to others without having to specify exactly what their diagnosis is and being ostracized for it. You can also say something like “hey I have quite a few sensory issues, I’m wondering if we could _______ so that I could work more efficiently”. I always encourage people to get diagnosed because it gives a sense of closure and just knowing why you are the way you are, but if this isn’t what’s best for you at this point in your life that is totally okay. You are allowed to self diagnose, wait for a better time if that’s what you feel would be best. I’m totally with you on the last part of your ask. It really sucks that a lot of us have to constantly mask just to be successful in our lives. Diagnosis usually helps people to accept themselves more & learn to unmask around people they trust. I honestly wish you the best—good luck!!

[passionate-reply]

This week on Great Albums, I finally do a video on one of my very favourite artists: Gary Numan! And I’ve started with a not-so-obvious choice, his second solo album, Telekon. What makes Telekon so great? Click and find out! Or read the full transcript, which is below the break.

Welcome to Passionate Reply, and welcome to Great Albums! Today, we’ll be talking about Gary Numan for the first time in this series, and most definitely not the last. Telekon, Numan’s second LP under his own name, is not a particularly obvious place to start tackling his enormous legacy, but I chose it partly for sentimental reasons: while I can no longer remember exactly what my first vinyl record purchase as a teenager was, there’s a solid chance it might have been this copy of Telekon. But, that aside, Telekon holds a pivotal spot in Numan’s discography, in that it’s basically the last entry in his very brief “imperial phase.” 

Numan’s first major hit was, of course, the unforgettable “Are ‘Friends’ Electric?”, the main single off of his second album with Tubeway Army, 1979’s Replicas. Replicas was a bit patchy and stylistically diverse, a snapshot of the artist emerging from punk rock, and just starting to meld that with electronics and forge something new. Later in ‘79, Numan followed it up with something more cohesive: his arguable masterpiece, The Pleasure Principle. This album would pull no punches in its attempts to blast you onto your back with its synthesised screeches.

Music: “Films”

But, where to next? While all of Numan’s music is distinctively “him,” he’s also never been one to get too comfortable in any particular style. If The Pleasure Principle was Numan leaning into the punk side of Replicas, and tracks like “When the Machines Rock,” then Telekon represented a return to the dark and ominous atmosphere of tracks like “Down in the Park.”

Music: “The Aircrash Bureau”

While The Pleasure Principle had been defined by its buzzing, gritty walls of texture, Telekon tracks like “The Aircrash Bureau” emphasize eerie, whining synth lines, and create a sense of delicate frailty with traditional instruments like viola and piano. Where The Pleasure Principle strove for a busy and full sound, bordering on overwhelming, Telekon is bleak, hollow, and haunting. But aside from its sound, “The Aircrash Bureau” doesn’t necessarily push new conceptual and thematic ground for Numan, being narrated by the titular entity, a hopelessly mysterious force of death and chaos that seems to threaten us listeners. Equally gothic themes pervade the rest of Telekon, including its lone single and opening track, “This Wreckage.”

Music: “This Wreckage”

In 1980, Numan also released two other singles, “We Are Glass” and “I Die: You Die.” These standalone A-sides were clearly intended to be part of the “Telekon era,” as their sleeves prominently feature Numan in his iconic black-and-red leather jumpsuit, like the album does. They were initially absent from Telekon, though--at least, before some releases added them to the tracklisting. I like a big hook as much as anybody else, but I can still appreciate the commitment to ambiance and crawling, slow-burning song structures on Telekon proper. Thanks to the dominance of slower-paced material, the more strident moments feel well-earned--as on “Sleep By Windows,” the track usually cut for “I Die: You Die.”

Music: “Sleep By Windows”

While it’s easy to praise the artistic integrity of Numan’s aversion to including those singles, it was certainly a somewhat bold career move. But Numan was more or less on top of the world at this point--and he’d been hitting the top of the pop charts, with both Replicas and The Pleasure Principle becoming number one albums. If he was a bit cocky, that was understandable...and it ended up paying off for him in the end, at least this time, with Telekon also achieving that number one spot. But Telekon would prove to be Numan’s last LP to do so. While there’s never one clear reason why an artist falls out of the spotlight, it’s hard to listen to Telekon without coming away with the impression that Numan was a bit tired of his sudden and unexpected fame, which had swallowed him up when he was hardly a legal adult. “Remind Me to Smile” stands out as a track whose lyrics seem to embody Numan’s desire for relief from so much public scrutiny.

Music: “Remind Me to Smile”

“Remind Me to Smile”’s strikingly upbeat melody seems to embody the titular request, putting on a stilted facade of emotion despite the misery expressed in its lyrics. Numan’s diffident demeanour and social awkwardness, which he later learned to attribute to autism, undoubtedly made his life difficult. His personality also contributed to his perception by the masses as robotic or alien, almost as much as the futuristic themes of his art, grounded in his lifelong interest in science fiction. The much-beloved track “I Dream of Wires” is one of his most famous dystopian narratives, spinning the tale of an elderly electrician who’s lived to see himself become obsolete, in a high-tech world with no more use for his skills. With its chorus ambiguously referencing “new waves,” it’s tempting to interpret it as an expression of Numan’s own fears of the world of music continuing without him someday.

Music: “I Dream of Wires”

The cover of Telekon is dominated by this bold black and red colour scheme, its criss-crossed stripes evoking the straps of Numan’s aforementioned jumpsuit without actually portraying him wearing it. The artist’s disembodied head appears to be floating, with a sort of ghostly halo behind it, adding to the album’s spooky feel. Equally mysterious is the expression on Numan’s face: his head is slightly tilted, and his eyes seem to drift away from meeting our gaze as viewers, which might be read as a symptom of his characteristic shyness.

While the title “Telekon” doesn’t particularly mean anything on its own, it seems to be derived from the word “telecommunication,” and could be interpreted as an outgrowth of Numan’s established association with things technological. Telekon is often concerned with ways of communicating with others, as on “Remind Me to Smile.” Phone calls are prominently mentioned on several Telekon tracks, as well as the aforementioned single "I Die: You Die." “Please Push No More,” perhaps the album’s most desolate moment, is anchored by what seems to be a call from a telephone booth.

Music: “Please Push No More”

After Telekon, Numan made yet another bold move: embarking on a “Farewell Tour,” and declaring his intent to retire from giving his much-lauded live performances. However, he quickly reneged. His next two albums, 1981’s Dance and 1982’s I, Assassin, saw him vary his sound even more drastically, adopting influences from jazz and funk. They also saw him decline ever further in relevance and commercial viability. To this day, Telekon is usually considered the last truly great album Numan made for a long time. I’m not a huge fan of his early 80s followups myself, but I do think that they’re at least a bit unfairly maligned. I’d challenge the notion that their stylistic shakeups came “out of nowhere,” and point to Telekon’s increasing emphasis on groovy basslines as a hint of where Numan would decide to go next. 

Music: “Music For Chameleons”

My favourite song from Telekon is its closer, “The Joy Circuit.” While Telekon has a lot of pretty dejected-sounding tracks, “The Joy Circuit” seems to send us off on a more cheerful note, with a dramatic finish bursting with violin and viola. It’s tempting to see it as a sunbeam, parting the gloomy, grey clouds of the rest of the album...but Numan doesn’t let us off the hook that easy. The final line of the song, and hence the entire album, is “all I find is a reason to die,” which is a hell of a way to close the book. With that, I have to end my video--thanks for watching!

Music: “The Joy Circuit”

[autismisaokay]

Say Goodbye To High And Low Functioning Labels

This article I wrote has some voices from a facebook group I’m in called the Autistic Alliance. I thank them for bravely putting their perspectives forward and letting me use them in this article.

When I was growing up I had a group of people I hung with closely and thought to be my friends. I remember sitting with one of these girls in a large classroom in high school that felt too cramped somehow. The furniture felt like they were encroaching tigers ready to go wild and pounce. The seats were too hard and the plastic felt scratchy. Most of all, people felt piled up on me even though there was plenty of space for everyone. I was anxious even if I had my friend by my side then again my friend made me feel anxious too for just having to talk to her. How it was brought up I can’t remember but I began to tell her about being autistic.

“No.” She stated so firmly I felt as if I was quickly breaking at a stop sign.

“What?” I sadly asked in confusion.

“You don’t have autism. You don’t do the things autistic people do you have friends, you can talk to me, you don’t have it.”

We’d actually had this conversation before and I had it with my other friends too. Many were sure I didn’t have it because I didn’t act like other autistic people. Or If I did have it I was way too high to really be considered autistic. I’d like to say that things like this still don’t happen as an adult and chalk it up to childhood ignorance but many people still feel this way. People who use the term high functioning or are considered under that label aren’t really autistic to so many individuals. It affects the way we are treated massively. We’re just thought of as a little “weird” or “quirky” instead of understanding that those weird or quirky things are our autistic traits. We don’t get the help we need and some people even within the community think we are trying to take away from autistics who are seen as needing more.

The truth is we don’t get much help at all if any but we do get a lot taken away from us. Many programs or services out there don’t accommodate to our needs. We get denied for health care benefits or any other monetary help by state assistance in multiple states. Educationally we get less help or teachers and other staff will try to talk us out of accommodations and say it’s not possible. It could be as simple as asking to doodle to in a notebook to help keep concentration up or stim and be told that we don’t need that. It’s a system of gatekeeping that we need to break.

People get caught up on the terms too much in general sense instead of the broad spectrum that is autism. Two metaphors have come out recently that better works for how autism works. Which is that autism is like either a circle spectrum with multiple dots indicating where we are at instead of a linear spectrum. Or a ice cream bar with many different flavors and toppings. There’s no real one way to be autistic and as the saying goes, “Once you’ve met one autistic that’s just it you’ve met one autistic.”

I’ve talked to other people who have been inflicted with the negative terms of “High functioning” and here is what they have to say.

“I have major issues with driving and leaving the house by myself. It is a huge source of anxiety because of the uncertainty that I could have to deal with a very overwhelming situation and not have anyone to help me navigate it. My in-laws continuously think this is something I should get over and dismiss how hard it is for me because I'm "high functioning." I hate that phrase.” States Rowan.

Kayla writes to me; “I’m so “high functioning” that my family doesn’t want to believe I have autism and it leaves me internalizing all of the things that make me autistic and they slowly break me from the inside and when I do break they’re like “where has this come from why are you acting like this” “

Which brings up the subject of masking people who are seen to do better socially as an autistic person tend to be masking majority of the time. It’s the internalizing of their autistic attributes and trying to become more socially acceptable. There is nothing wrong with adapting to your surroundings. I also can’t lie and say that there aren’t some things that autistic people do need to change because they are harmful to themselves or others. However, those things usually get rerouted into a positive outlet. There is a breaking point, and many autistic people are expected to continue way past that point to keep “good standing” without getting that positive reroute. That falls more times than one on people who are considered, “higher functioning.”

The masking, denial, and gatekeeping of certain autistic people leads to self-destructive behaviors and other mental illnesses. Such as depression, anxiety, self-harm, eating disorders, suicide, and a variety of other issues. They can be life long conditions depending on the severity of the situation.

There needs to be a broader spectrum of education of how autism works and why it’s not so black and white as to “high and low”. It should be taught to teachers, physicians, workplaces, and all around the world. Each autistic person has a different set of needs and although there might be a certain set of people who seem to work the same. It’s actually not and they work completely differently. It can seem like a lot of work trying to find the details in a situation but overall improves lives drastically.

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

Hello! I’m an autistic girl in my lower 20s and am hoping you could assist me in typing. Regarding functions, I believe Te/Fi in some order are my middle functions since I notice use of both, but you can be the judge. Regarding enneagram, I thought I had a 479 tritype, but recently my mother pegged me as a 1. I am not sure she understands ennea as well as I, but she probably views me more objectively than I view myself. 1/8

First off, I realize typing me is difficult, because in addition to autism, I have selective mutism (aka there are times when speaking is either very difficult or impossible for me) and therefore I do not have as many real-world experiences as most people my age. However, I am familiar with the type of info you need, so I think I can provide enough for you to help me get closer to determining my type. I tried to write three asks related to perceiving axis and three relating to ennea. 2/8            

I have a reliable memory; I can recall specific conversations nearly to the word and easily remember facts and numbers. However, I tend to insert the present into the past. In childhood memories, I see people looking as they do now. I can’t identify when I learn things, because my current knowledge enters any related memories. If I think back to a conversation, it seems I knew then what I know now regarding the person, the topic, and myself. 3/8            

It’s easiest for me to talk about straight facts-my age, my college (I’m a business major, not because I like business, but because I had no idea what to do, and so chose something practical. I don’t like telling people I’m a business major because they often have assumptions about the sort of people who have certain majors, and while business majors are not bad people, they are not ME). Most often, I talk about facts and stories regarding people. Other topics are nearly always boring. 4/8            

I have no imagination. I draw, but only directly from photos. I can’t make up stories or brainstorm ideas. I can, however, build off of what others start. I find logical holes in fantastical ideas never meant to have a basis in reality and think of how they could become true. I always think of words’ literal meaning, but can usually identify when the intent was not literal. My form of humor is making puns from literal interpretations or laughing about the ironies found in life and people. 5/8            

I am always bored, chasing after things to do, people to interact with, ideas to explore. I want all the experiences and all the feelings, frequently dwelling on feelings to magnify them (whether positive or negative). When I am not dealing with mutism, people tell me my highs and lows are too drastic for them, but I can accomplish anything just as well whether I am crying, or in an extasy, or calm, so I forget, in the frensy of experience, how my moods can impact others. 6/8            I have a strong moral compass, strong opinions, and a degree of rigidity, which I express freely to my family. I think similarly to my family, and differences can be resolved through explanations with little conflict. Around people who live by different underlying values and assumptions, I do not bring up what may not be agreed upon by the group, and I find it easier to give up my rigidity when away from home. However, I never go against my principles. 7/8         

I relate to the “inner critic” of ennea 1 since I always feel condemned by myself, as though I am both defective and morally wrong. However, I do not dwell on such thoughts, chasing entertainment and rationalizing away any doubts. Overall, I am outwardly positive. I am always smiling, even if I was crying a moment before, and am perceived as bubbly, sweet, and outgoing. Overall, these are descriptors I appreciate, though I also wish I could be better understood. 8/8            

--------------------

Hi anon,

I think you have high Fi, but I am not sure about the rest, nor enneagram. 1 doesn’t sound quite right, but neither does 4. I also want to note: I do believe that while MBTI is based off neurotypical people (or at least, considered neurotypical in the 50s, when a lot of things went undiagnosed), it’s possible to type many people who aren’t neurotypical, but I’m not any kind of mental health professional. So some of the things you mention, like picturing people as they are today in your memories, could be autism if you have difficulty with visualization (you seemed to imply difficulty drawing without a picture reference as well), or it could be type-related, and I honestly can’t say. So I appreciate you stating it’s difficult, and hopefully what I say here gives you some ideas of what might be typology related that you can incorporate.

Anyway: for Fi, I think your emphasis on sticking to principles and your general desire to actively explore your darker emotions both fit Fi very well.

A lot of the other stuff is, as mentioned, hard to figure out. I think sensing makes more sense here - you’ve made some very practical choices, and thinking through how to make fantasy things come true fits well with sensing as well. So either ESFP or ISFP are options.

Some of the more Si - seeming stuff sounds potentially more like it might be either just who you are as a person; again I can’t say if this is specific to autism but I think it’s often hard to separate what you know now from what you knew at the time of a conversation - it’s normal for anyone’s experiences since a past experience to color how they look at it now. For a more universal example, if you’ve since fought with a friend or broken up with a partner, even happy memories with them might take on a certain negative aspect, be it sad, regretful, or angry.

I don’t really see 1 in that 1s actively do dwell on those feelings of corruption or tend to focus on taking actions to not be bad or corrupt (eg: volunteering), and if you prefer to distract that sounds more like 7. You also have some aspects of 9, with disliking conflict on moral stances, so I wonder if you might be a 9w1 core with a 7 fix. I’m not sure you’re a 4 core and because you have high Fi it could just be the overlapping elements, but 479 sounds like a reasonable tritype for you. And if you’re an ISFP or ESFP, that tritype in pretty much any order for will fit.

[mxsinistir]

*renewed and less angry* Opinion on the Ryuzaki Persona Theory

Disclaimer) Okay, reading my old journal entry about this topic. . . I was apparently just really angry about something when I wrote it?? And I honestly think that's hilarious bc yeah, I was mad about the theory but I just had no chill whenever I was writing it as a coping method. So this is my new level-headed, experienced-DN-theorist opinion on it. 

Also, I don’t have a Death Note blog so this is going on my Sherlock blog / Fandom blog instead of one-shots that I need to actually be writing. Deal with it. 

So, the RPT is basically the theory that whenever L introduces himself as “Ryuzaki” to the Task Force, he is not acting like himself at all, and he actually just stole the entire Ryuzaki personality from Beyond Birthday after solving his case in the same way he allegedly stole the identities of detectives Coil and Deneuve. 

So, I agree with most of this, and I’ll explain further later. This part never really bothered me, but the disagreement comes whenever the fandom tries and debates what the Real L (Or First!L) is actually like. 

A lot of the theory fandom that I saw at the time basically said that L was nothing like Ryuzaki. British, suave, completely healthy...? Lmao, what? 

So, might as well get this started by answering the main question.

Q) Do I think Ryuzaki is a persona?

A) Yes, to an extent. 

I don’t think Ryuzaki is vastly different from L. But, L has a pattern of stealing the identities (Particularly names, which is really fitting considering that Names are given a lot of power in the Death Note fandom.) So, I don’t think it’s unlikely that he took the Ryuzaki persona from Beyond Birthday. 

And I’d have no trouble subscribing to this part of the theory 100% if it weren't’ for the fact that it is said in LABB that BB took the persona from L first as an attempt to imitate him. 

So, my guess is that BB took traits from L to create Ryuzaki, confirming that L is at least similar to Ryuzaki, and Beyond was probably exaggerating a couple of the iconic Ryuzaki traits.  And then after being beaten, the persona was returned to L. But by then, my guess was that it had been modified by Beyond, even if he hadn’t noticed it. 

Basically what I’m saying is that while the theory is usually about saying that someone stole a persona from somebody else, my point of view is that basically the Ryuzaki Persona was passed back and forth like some weird game of telephone where it got slightly edited each time. 

So, because I don’t know how else to organize this, I’m going to list the traits I think belong to First L and which ones are just Ryuzaki.

L

1. Intelligence) This goes without saying, right? L is incredibly intelligent, and so is Ryuzaki.

2. Weird Mannerisms) Now, this is part of where the theory gets unclear because a lot of “First!L” theories disagree on what belongs to L and what belongs to the Ryuzaki persona. And basically, I think L did inherit some of his weird mannerisms from Beyond’s version of Ryuzaki, I don’t think he’s entirely normal underneath the person he presents. Especially since his weirdness continues into his Ryuga persona and basically throughout all we’ve seen of him in the show. Not to mention that literally every Wammy Kid is shown to have quirks that resemble the ones that L / B / Ryuzaki have. I don’t know what mannerisms came from who

3. Accent / speaking) For some reason there’s a theory that First!L actually has a British accent due to being raised in the UK. Accept his voice is literally consistent throughout the show, and none of the other Wammy Kids are shown to have an accent. I also don’t think that his manner of speaking would drastically change because of the persona. 

Ryuzaki) 

1. Autism / Aspergers) So it’s nothing new that there’s a fandom discourse about whether or not L actually is on the spectrum. At the time of my original post, I assumed that he was not faking it. But after conversing with LuckyKitty some more about this topic, she has convinced me that this is actually a part of the Ryuzaki persona. I don’t know if he’s purposely faking it or if his mannerisms just cause the appearance of Aspergers, but either way, I don’t think L or any of his personas actually find themselves on any part of the spectrum. 

2. Strawberries) This is a weird one, but hear me out. He acquired this from Beyond’s part of the persona because I promise you strawberries are not that sweet and L’s food love is for sweet stuff and the fact that he doesn’t just throw the strawberries off of his food is Ryuzaki’s doing, not L’s. 

Final thoughts

Would I say I subscribe to the Ryuzaki Persona theory? No, not really. Frankly, I actually dislike a lot of things about the theory itself. I think it feels like a fandom trying to make a character “Normal” and more “likeable” while taking them completely out of character out of the process. I think a lot of theories about “First L” take away huge chunks of L / Ryuzaki’s complex character. 

I think my overall thoughts about this are basically that Ryuzaki and L are still the same people. Ryuzaki is a name given to the Task Force, and it brings along with some amplified traits of L’s real personality. Maybe the name was a way to pay respect to Beyond’s death, which I believe happened right before L started on the Kira Investigation? (It would be really interesting if that’s actually what drove him to investigate Kira but that’s a discussion for a different time).

Basically, because I’m garbage at summarizing my thoughts, I’m going to use a quote from Irene Adler in Sherlock. “Every disguise, no matter how hard you try, is a self-portrait.” Honestly, I think that’s what Ryuzaki is. A way that Ryuzaki acts around certain people. Are you telling me you don’t act differently around different people?

So yes, I think Ryuzaki can be a considered a persona, and it was traded between B and L. But I don’t think there’s some hard difference between L and Ryuzaki’s personality. Ryuzaki, in my opinion, was an extension of L, as was Ryuga, Coil, and all of L’s other personas or identities or whatever you want to call them. So I can’t know L” ends and “Ryuzaki” begins or whatever. The best I can do is a Sherlock quote, apparently.

Yeah, so that’s my calmer analysis of this theory. I think my problem isn’t so much with the “Ryuzaki Persona” theory but rather with the “First!L” theory. 

I hope this makes more sense than the last opinion I posted on this. And I really hope to god it comes across calmer because I’m really laughing out loud for not remembering what I was so mad at in real life for me to sound that angry while trying to write. 

So yeah, that’s my TedTalk. 

[ninawritesastory]

So, I started following you because your posts on Creek are fantastic and have fueled headcanons for days but I've recently stumbled into enjoying Style (I'm new to this fandom) and a tag on one of your recent reblogs leads me to ask: what do you think needs to happen in order for Style to work? What growing up and experience do you think they need? And, in the end, how do you ultimately see them once they've achieved that?

Holy crow, thank you so much! I’m glad you’re enjoying all of the Creek, and I’m glad you’re getting plenty of headcanons out of it. Half the time I feel like I’m just rambling nonsensically into the void and none of what I’m saying makes any sense, so it’s always nice to hear that it’s making sense to someone! xD

And welcome to the South Park fandom, by the way! I think this is one of the chillest, least toxic fandoms I’m part of (so long as you stay away from. like, the Kyman vs. Style ship wars; maybe it’s calmed down a bunch, but it used to be fairly…interesting) and there are TONS of awesome artists and writers, as I’m sure you’re discovering. I hope you have lots of fun and find some good stuff.

Now, thing about Style is that, after the events of You’re Getting Old/Assburgers in particular, there’s a clear shift in the maturity levels between Kyle and Stan. The main problem here is that, for all intents and purposes, Kyle is a lot like Cartman. The key difference is that Kyle is always convinced he’s morally superior while Cartman doesn’t really give a shit about moral superiority.

There have been multiple instances throughout the show where Kyle has demonstrated a definite lack of emotional sensitivity to the point where I’d consider it largely canon that he has trouble empathizing with others. His treatment of Stan in You’re Getting Old and Assburgers is pretty much what had me pushing back my realm of feasibility for the Style relationship. Kyle can’t empathize with Stan’s developing depression; he outright says that Stan’s worsening mental health is toxic to him. And while I can understand that, to some degree, the fact that Kyle was willing to abandon Stan once his depression was starting to worsen really turned me off from canonical Style.

I have depression myself, and I know from experience how shitty it is to have the people you care about turn their backs on you because you’re no longer smiling and laughing at the same stuff you used to. Depression fucks with you in ways that drastically alter who you are. And if you decide to seek out treatment and keep up with it, who you become as you recover is fairly rarely who you were before you spiraled. If you’ve ever seen Inside Out (which has a FANTASTIC way of showing what depression feels like), think of the Personality Islands going dark and crumbling away. It’s a lot like that: what interested you, what you valued, what you loved, you’re likely to lose your connections to those things and even once you begin recovery there’s a chance that you won’t be able to reestablish those interests, or at least to the same strength that you had them before. Depression more or less chews you up and spits you out, and when you start recovering, you’re essentially a blank slate in terms of your interests.

And Stan…never actually gets any real treatment. Personally, I was really confused when Stan’s obvious descriptions of depression were immediately linked by Mr. Mackey to Asperger’s Syndrome. (Which made it really difficult for me to keep up with the rest of the episode, because it kind of felt like they just wanted to make the Ass Burgers joke and went from a depression-focused storyline to an autism-focused one.) But, the only “treatment” Stan gets at all is alcohol. It’s literally poured down his throat without his consent. Even once the episode comes to a close, Stan never receives any actual treatment and so has to rely on the only “solution” he was exposed to.

But, anyway, from those episodes onwards, there’s been a distinct imbalance in Stan and Kyle’s relationship. Their “Super Best Friends” status is starting to feel more and more superficial. Because Stan is fairly emotionally intelligent. He’s highly empathetic, even if he can be self-centered on a semi-regular basis. And Stan is definitely in the processing of growing up just a little too fast due to his issues with depression, addiction, and substance abuse. He’s taking responsibility for himself at an age when he really shouldn’t have to—at least, not in those areas.

Meanwhile, Kyle doesn’t really have anything pushing him to grow. (Prior to last season, at any rate.) He’s ten and there’s nothing in his immediate experience that is forcing him to think more maturely. The closest he ever comes is with Ike, but since Ike is not someone he has to take care of on a regular basis, any maturity he shows in those moments is fleeting and kind of superficial. Kyle doesn’t have any reason to reevaluate how he relates to people, his empathy is severely underdeveloped, and he has a hard time understanding anyone else’s point of view.

In other words, Stan’s in the process of maturing. Kyle (prior to last season) is nowhere close. It’s possible that Kyle’s experiences with Heiman and the nuking of Canada may help push him into that phase of his development, but I don’t think I can really say that definitively until the next season comes out.

So, for what I feel needs to happen for Style to work. On Stan’s end, he needs to get some actual treatment for his depression. He seems to have gotten the whole addiction and substance abuse thing more or less under control thanks to his chat with Satan, but I’m not sure if his depression has been managed as effectively. I also think he needs to have a Come to Jesus moment in terms of his relationship with his dad. Honestly, I heavily empathized with Stan in Ass Burgers when he was finally making progress in dealing with his mental health only for Randy to yank the rug out from under him at the last minute. I just get the sense that Randy’s presence in Stan’s life is essentially what keeps Stan from progressing in terms of his mental health and development. That whole, “Stick to what you know” thing isn’t going to help Stan because sticking to what he knows involves a flash of booze stashed in his underwear drawer and no actual attempts to seek either medication or psychiatric help. So Stan needs to develop enough to pull himself out from under Randy’s influence.

For Kyle…Kyle needs to mature emotionally. He needs to learn how to empathize with other people and get out of his self-centered focus. I think he may be on the way to that, if he learned his lesson from the M.A.C./Canada nuking situation. I also think that what would help Kyle most is just getting out of South Park and away from Cartman. Everyone says college is pretty much a different world from grade school, and in a lot of ways they’re right. Depending on what college you go to, your likelihood of being in classes with people you know from grade school is slim to none. The structure in college is also different; a lot of it relies on you being accountable to yourself and your coursework. The mix of people you interact with is almost never the exact same sort of mix you grew up with. Which would go a long way to helping Kyle develop the necessary self-awareness needed to make the Style relationship work.

The way I see it, Kyle and Stan having some sort of a falling out in middle school or high school. They don’t hang out that much anymore, their friend groups shift enough that their daily interactions are minimal, and they develop apart from each other for the first time in their lives. They go their separate ways after graduation—Kyle to college and Stan to the military—and don’t really call or talk or anything after leaving South Park. Give it at least a semester, better a year or so, and they reunite during break. Kyle’s done a shit ton of growing up, Randy’s shadow over Stan’s life is drastically reduced, and they’ve have a chance to grown into themselves. Kyle’s got a better understanding of mental health, Stan’s got a firmer grip on his depression, and they’re finally back on even ground. That’s when a romantic relationship between the could work out.  

[leonawriter]

Super Nova, and Despair.

So. Super Nova. Sephiroth’s ‘ultimate attack’ as it’s referred to in Crisis Core, which would suggest it’s his Limit Break.

“A blast of such despair that it can send destruction even into other dimensions.” -the menu description in Dissidia 12.

“According to the tutorials, the Limit gauge fills as the character angers, hence the Fury and Sadness statuses. When enemies push a character to their limits they unleash an "unimaginable power." According to the Crisis Core Complete Guide Keyword Collection, when spirit energy rises to its ultimate limit for a short while, it aligns with and emits from the body, allowing powerful abilities that cannot be performed in a natural state.” -on Limit Breaks, from the Final Fantasy Wiki.

What can be inferred from this is that if the menu description in Dissidia 12 is also still correct back during Crisis Core when Zack is given the quiz to get into the Silver Elite (he’s asked “What is Sephiroth’s ultimate attack?” which is basically his Limit Break), is that even as far as back here, well before Nibelheim, Sephiroth is suffering from two things every time he uses this attack.

First, anger. According to the original FFVII game, the “Limit gauge fills as the character angers”, which is like, the pure indignation and a defensive need to lash out at whoever or whatever has attacked you. To make the pain go away, really. 

The second, has to be... well, the menu description is very suggestive of the idea that Sephiroth himself would be feeling despair.

Important to note is that I believe that a lot of what Sephiroth says during the OG and beyond is barefaced projection. He projects onto others because he gives them the traits he hates and dislikes about himself, because he can’t see himself as possessing of any of these traits, because he’s essentially seeing himself as a god at this point. Gods don’t have weaknesses, right? Gods don’t feel sad. Gods don’t get used like puppets.

At first when I was thinking about him and his Limit Burst I thought that the despair in the attack must, therefore, have come from Nibelheim. It was the logical answer, since his worldview was so drastically changed - of course he’d feel despair at realising that he’s a ‘monster’!

But then I remembered. It’s his Limit Break in mid-Crisis Core, too.

Which means that... well, it can’t mean anything other than that there’s the possibility Sephiroth has, ever since attaining his top tier Limit Break (in VII there were four tiers, for example Cloud having most of his well-known moves such as Cross-Slash, Braver and Meteorain, and then there’s Omnislash as his tier four Limit, so Sephiroth may have had other Limits that came before Super Nova) a sense of, well... despair. 

At least when it comes to needing to use a Limit Break at all when you’re supposed to be the world’s most powerful weapon that probably has propaganda on how he’s ‘never been beaten’ or something like that. 

Think of Sephiroth as the kind of kid who was put into Gifted and Talented, told he was a real genius, and so very intelligent, and then everyone starts wondering why he freaks out when he’s told that he’s wrong.

Except for Sephiroth, ‘being wrong’ means so much more than just letting down teachers and parents. He doesn’t care about what those people say! Except when it comes down to the fact that as a child soldier, who was brought up to do nothing except fight Shinra’s wars for them, he’s probably well aware of the fact that just like Hollander with Genesis and Angeal, if Shinra sees him as becoming more of a liability than an asset, they... won’t bat an eye and they will leave him on the wayside.

I don’t think that at the point of Crisis Core and definitely not during the OG, he’s consciously aware of this, and nor does he purposefully bring it to mind. But. If you’re taught a mindset as a child, which Sephiroth would have been, then it sticks with you. He might not forever be afraid of “if I mess this up, I’ll get thrown out, and I don’t know what I’d do in the world outside of Shinra”, but there would be a case of “I can’t lose, I can’t be as weak as this, if I lose here then something unspeakably bad will happen, and I’ll do anything to ensure that it won’t”.

Which ties neatly into the fact that while everyone else has got somewhere else to go, something else to fall back on, he doesn’t.

Especially considering my deep-rooted headcanon that he’s autistic and masking as best he can in a world that doesn’t care to figure out what autism is, it’s highly likely that from a young age, he’d developed some form of anxiety disorder related to, perhaps, perfectionism, as well as depression connected to his wish to have some sort of life outside of Shinra - not necessarily anything exciting, just merely seeing how everyone else seemed to have a family and a home, and he did not.

His change from being the Sephiroth who cared about people and likely would have broken with Shinra in a less homicidal way to the Sephiroth who we know cares little for the lives of others as individuals at the very least during VII and AC seems to have brought much of this ironically to the front - the irony being that although he’s showing his issues and being more open about them, it’s in a destructive manner, and he isn’t owning that they’re his. Yet again, the perfectionist streak (as stated before) is not allowing him to show weakness or vulnerability.

It also ties in with how no matter how monstrous and inhuman he’s started to look in the last few minutes of the game, in the moments of his death you see something human. Something that maybe doesn’t quite believe this is happening. That maybe is scared.

Tl;dr - From Sephiroth having Super Nova as a Limit Break we can infer that under the assumption that the attack carries despair even before Nibelheim, then it is at least possible that, due to how he was raised as a child soldier by Shinra, Sephiroth suffers from anxiety (which he pretends doesn't exist) and depression, which most would pin on his generally cool, distant personality.

[damienhasmoved]

Kiyotaka Ishimaru is Autistic - A Writeup

Hey there! 

As you’ve probably guessed from the title, this is gonna be a pretty long post about Kiyotaka Ishimaru from the Dangan Ronpa series, and how I believe that he is autistic. Note that I am #actuallyautistic myself, so a lot of this is drawn from my own experiences of autism, as well as some common symptoms Kiyotaka displays. This is one of my personal favourite headcanons, because I relate to Kiyotaka a lot, and it’s nice to be able to relate to him on a neurological level as well. That being said, despite the evidence I’m going to cover in this writeup, it is still a headcanon- so of course you can feel free to disregard this if you don’t agree with me (just don’t come and fight about it on the post... because a lot of that tends to go into “autism is a bad thing” territory and as an autistic person it kinda makes me feel shitty). 

With that out of the way, the rest of the post will be under a readmore, because this is about to get kinda long.

Kiyotaka Ishimaru is a fairly minor character when it comes to the Dangan Ronpa franchise. He’s a member of the cast of the first game, and dies halfway through, with almost no re-appearances or further mentions in the rest of the series. However, his personality is very distinct, and he’s been consistently seen as one of the most popular characters from the first game because of this. 

Kiyotaka’s personality boils down to a few essential parts- his keen sense of justice and morals, his lack of social skills and social intelligence, his drive to be the best in his schoolwork, and his encouraging, yet strict nature towards his classmates. Just from this base analysis of his personality you can start seeing some autistic traits- namely in his idealization of morals and ethics, and his lack of general social skills. The former is so important to his character, it’s what gives him his talent- as the Ultimate Moral Compass (Disciplinary Committee Member in the Japanese version of the game, and Hall Monitor/Prefect in a few fan translations). 

It’s quite common for autistic people to be unusually obsessed with justice or morality. I know from my own experiences that I absolutely hate situations I perceive as “unfair” or “unjust”- where I’ve been punished for doing things I didn’t do, when other people have been punished for things they didn’t do- I even find it hard to lie in certain situations. Kiyotaka certainly seems to display this pattern of thinking- his entire talent ties into making sure that those who do wrong are suitably punished, and those that do right are rewarded accordingly. The only time he goes against his morals and potentially condemns innocents are when he votes for himself instead of Mondo in the Chapter Two Trial, which seems to be him not fully realising that someone he associates with “being good, just and moral” (his new, and only, friend) doing something as amoral as murder. 

He simply doesn’t believe that someone he trusted could turn out to do something so wrong- to the point where, at the end of the second trial, he is begging everyone else to give him another explanation, or for Mondo to at least explain why he did the things he did. I understand that this is a reasonable reaction when one’s friend is faced with death, but consider this in the context of the Dangan Ronpa games. To keep up the flow of the games, characters usually seem to brush aside the murders and executions once the trials are over. Otherwise, things would drag out too long while the cast mourned. Even Naegi, who was good friends with Sayaka and knew her all the way back in middle school, only spared a few hours or so mourning her after the end of her trial.

Kiyotaka’s reaction is the most drastic in the first game, even surpassing Asahina’s bid to make Sakura’s suicide a mistrial. She’s only shown to be seriously affected by Sakura’s death for the duration of the trial, and afterwards is composed enough to fight back against the mastermind. Consider also that Asahina and Sakura were friends for the entire duration of the first game, and that Kiyotaka and Mondo were only friends for one day, and you can see how exaggerated and strange Kiyotaka’s reaction really is. 

Kiyotaka’s reaction is so strong compared to the other characters because Mondo’s killing is not only a betrayal to their friendship, but the betrayal to Kiyotaka’s perceived view of the world and what’s right and wrong. He fixates on his hatred of geniuses to an almost unhealthy level, and will not listen to anyone who tries to tell him that these “geniuses” can be good people as well. Simularily, he’s put Mondo into a box- a box that raises him above the amoral sensibilities of the killing game, making him someone who can do no wrong in Kiyotaka’s eyes- until he does. 

This is the only time Kiyotaka’s moral compass seems to be seriously tested in the killing game, and it destroys him. He relies so much on his fixation with morals, that the second they are shattered, he breaks apart. Of course, this is only a minor reason for his breakdown, but we’ll get into the rest of that later.

Another big clue to Kiyotaka being autistic comes in the form of his social skills- or, rather, his lack of them. Kiyotaka, in his entire life, has made one genuine friend. Mondo Oowada seems to be the only person he’s truly connected with, and he even states that he’s “never had a proper conversation before” in one of Naegi’s FTEs. It’s not hard to see why- Kiyotaka has very little social intelligence, which displays itself multiple times throughout the story.

He doesn’t understand that people watch TV shows and play video games to form connections over them- he just thinks they do so to get a temporary buzz out of them. He’s surprised when Naegi describes what people normally do when they hang out, and his idea of a social setting is a very old-fashioned Japanese tradition of communicating naked in a bathhouse with other men. It’s obvious that he’s personally never had an experience like this before, as he’s reportedly “never held a conversation longer than three minutes”, so he’s most likely picked this up from old Japanese literature or other media and assumed that’s still how teenagers hang out.

Mimicking behaviours from media is another common autistic trait, and even though Kiyotaka doesn’t seem the type to read a lot of books outside of school-assigned ones, he still displays this trait. Mimicking other people in general seems to be his go-to when it comes to social interaction- he calls Naegi a “Professor” when Naegi tells him how to hold a regular conversation, and says he will study the same games and TV shows Naegi knows about to be able to hold conversations just like he does. Kiyotaka, once befriending Mondo, is shown to be mimicking him in some ways- he starts calling Mondo “kyoudai”, something common amongst gangsters in Japan. In the English localisation, this is changed to “bro”, slang that would also most likely be picked up from Mondo.

After Mondo dies, Kiyotaka copes by completely mimicking him, even combining their names together and acting like Mondo to feel closer to him.

Kiyotaka doesn’t seem to understand sarcasm or humour, in most cases. Kiyotaka seems a little oblivious in general, and tends to brush aside other’s criticism- a lot of the times because he doesn’t understand it. He takes things very literally, which is a key autistic trait. 

He also wholeheartedly does seemingly idiotic things in an attempt to help others in the class trials- such as calling for the murderer to raise their hand, and stating obvious facts that were taken as a given (examples: “I propose that the victim was Sayaka Maizono”, and “We can be sure the knife was the weapon because of where it was found- sticking out of the victim’s midsection!”). Kiyotaka also displays this kind of well-intentioned, yet obvious advice when everyone is searching the school for an escape route- while others take note of potential danger and means of escape, Kiyotaka’s only contribution is to say that everyone has a dorm room. 

This makes sense for him, and most likely for others with autism- nobody’s mentioned it, and he has the information, so he thinks it will be helpful to share it. He doesn’t get the subtext that people will already know these things, and that clarifying them further wastes time and isn’t helpful in the grand scheme of things. 

While his dedication to morals and his lack of social skills are the most major identifiers of his autism, he also displays a few more subtler autistic traits.

Kiyotaka insists on holding the class meetings at a certain time in the morning, and arriving to the cafeteria at another set time. He’s always a punctual early comer, and he gets annoyed when others are late (holding back the time of his meeting). It can also be inferred that Kiyotaka is one to plan things- he has to be, if he’s taking on studying (and presumably kendo practise, due to the sword found in his room) as his only hobbies. This, and his love of the school system, can be hints towards him needing to function on a schedule. School is good for Kiyotaka because it’s structured, and planned, and not very subject to change. His hobbies of practise and studying are also not subject to sudden reschedules (unless he takes kendo lessons, but with his family’s financial situation, I don’t think that’s the case). A steady schedule is imperative for autistic people to function on a day-to-day basis. 

Kiyotaka only wears one set of clothes- his school uniform. He owns several copies of it, and refuses to wear anything else. It’s implied that he doesn’t own anything else. This could be his dedication to being a good student, but it could also easily be a manifestation of sensory issues. Kiyotaka may only feel comfortable in the material of his uniform, and doesn’t like wearing other clothes because they make him feel uncomfortable. As a fellow autistic who prefers their school uniform to their other clothes, I can definitely understand this path of logic. 

Similarly, Kiyotaka is a one-note cook. It’s revealed in School Mode that he can only cook rice balls and green tea. This seems like another case of sensory issues, where the textures of rice balls and green tea are soothing to him compared to other food tastes and textures. It seems a little odd that he’s put enough practise into creating his “famous green tea”, but wouldn’t branch out to cooking different kinds of foods than simply rice balls, especially if he wants to have a more balanced diet. 

Kiyotaka’s fixation with the things he does know how to talk about seem to be extremely intense. Kiyotaka seems completely ready to engage in a long debate with Naegi over politics, international affairs, and the economy. He also seems to have memorised his school’s old policy, and seems delighted to talk about schoolwork. These could be examples of special interests, topics that Kiyotaka fixates on and ignores all others. Kiyotaka’s biggest special interest seems to be revolving around politics, a career path he hopes to succeed in in the future. Other than that, he seems to have a special interest in school policy and the school’s curriculum, shown with his dedication to school code and his continued study of everything he has to learn about. He doesn’t understand that other people can do recreational activities that don’t revolve around these two interests of his.

Physically, Kiyotaka has an almost unnaturally straight posture. He stands with his legs pressed tightly together, and seems extremely rigid. An unnaturally rigid posture is a trait of autism (as is an unnaturally slouched or floppy posture, but that’s not relevant here). Kiyotaka is extremely prone to crying fits, even in the middle of regular conversation. He is shown holding his head and sobbing full-force in some of his FTEs, which then turns into him cheerfully laughing a few seconds later. Extreme mood swings and unprompted crying or laughing are traits of autism. When Kiyotaka is reprimanded, or when he believes that he’s done something wrong, he immediately switches into an over-reaction where he cries and begs someone to hit or “punish” him. Breakdowns like these are also common in autistics.

Kiyotaka’s speech is abnormally loud. He seems to have trouble speaking quietly or whispering, and most of his lines are yelled. Volume control like this is a classic autistic trait. Kiyotaka’s dialogue also seems stiff and stilted at times, or verbalised in a strange manner. 

I could go on more about Kiyotaka’s autistic traits, but I think I’ve said enough for one post! This is long enough as-is! I definitely think that Kiyotaka Ishimaru is autistic, but it’s up for you to decide if you agree with me.

[akenny430fandm-blog]

Blog #3: 3D Manipulations, Concept, and Form

Here are three 3D manipulations that I have been working on in Tinkercad:

Content and form play a very important role in this phase of the course. As a brief reminder, content “implies the subject matter, story, or information that the artwork seeks to communicate to the viewer,” and form “is the purely visual aspect, the manipulation of the various elements and principles of design.”

I found that the content of my work has changed as we move along in the semester. When we first started working with modeling clay, I had no sure path that I wanted to take, and so I tried my best to make my forms more on the abstract side, as opposed to representational. However, after this process, I could no longer force myself to turn a blind eye to the representational aspects of my forms. For example, all three forms above are modifications of a single initial form that I believed looked like a rock. The fact that I thought this shows in my manipulations of the forms; the first new form has a sign that says “It’s not just a boulder, it’s a rock” (Spongebob Squarepants reference), and was decorated to look like a rock that has been in the ocean for some time. The second form is meant to be a planet, given that planets are, in essence, giant rocks flying through space. The third form is a break from the rock theme, and I would say this form is more abstract; I simply saw a shape in the initial form that could have represented a head and worked with that to make a deformed body. 

It is interesting to consider the form of the three pieces, mainly because my ability to create has changed drastically throughout the semester. I am a very geometric person in the sense that I would like to have things that I create very exact in their measurements and proportion. When we first started with modeling clay, I was presented with a challenge; this was my first ever use of the material, and so constructing objects as I envisioned them proved to be impossible. Now with the 3D manipulation, while still not as exact as I would have hoped, my capabilities of creation have improved drastically, and this is in part because I am used to working with computers and 3D orientation. In short, I find it interesting how the limitations caused by the form of the pieces resulted in the art being different than I expected, ultimately creating something new that I did not foresee. 

While going the more representational route, I was having a somewhat difficult time thinking of a general theme for my pieces. After much thought, I figured that I would try to make art that comes across as goofy and absurd. I believe this general theme suits me well; it will account for any lack of skill I have when physically creating the art, I am (or at least like to think I am) an overall goofy person, and I feel that it is a theme that is not explored in art as much as other topics (this is just my gut feeling based off of what we have seen and could be completely wrong, as I admittedly have not been exposed to many different artists and their respective themes). 

The content of my pieces is also based off of things that I personally consider goofy. I believe that childhood is a time rich in laughter and entertainment, and so I thought back to mine to get some ideas. This explains the Spongebob reference, but also the planet piece; when I was a child I was fascinated by outer space, and of all the planets in our solar system, Saturn was my favorite because of its rings, so they were incorporated into the design. The third piece is just a silly face - nothing special there!

I believe this is a good segway into the discussion of my own interests, namely an object of personal or cultural value. Without getting too personal, I have to say that I do not have any object that ties back to my family’s culture that is of importance to me. After much thought, I also realized that most of the items I own that are of great importance to me only have that status because of their usefulness - things like my iPhone, laptop, PS4, or mountain bike, to name a few. However, one object that is of symbolic importance to me is the rubber Autism Awareness bracelet that I wear every day. 

While not of any practical importance, it reminds me of the many people in my life that carry on every day with Autism. Some of my strongest relationships are with these people, such as my cousin or my best friend from high school. 

Combining this theme - which I would say is perseverance and relationship, for starters - with my current theme of non-seriousness will be difficult. It may be possible to have the goofy be the form of the overall project, while these more significant ones are the main content. For example, in the planet piece, there is a small man standing on the planet. What if he had a small family back on Earth that cared about him?

[actuallyschizoid]

What do u think of the theory that autism and schizophrenia are on opposite sides of a spectrum of a type of empathy (like social cues)? ASD being lack of and schizo spec being too much, szpd being subconsciouly turning it off bcuz it's too much?

Hard to explain in so few words but.. like w schizophrenia ppl read cues that aren't there and develop delusions, ideas of reference, etc. Szpd is like an automatic shut down mechanism to avoid that happening (2/2)

I’ve heard something about it, but don’t know all the details. Not sure how I feel about it, but in a way it makes sense. I know for sure that some schizoids are really super emotional and empathetic as young children (I’d say 3-7 years or so?). I can even confirm it from my own experience — before I went to school, I was quiet, but really emotional kid. And empathetic beyond what seemed reasonable from that age. 

Can even give a vivid example. Sometime of my early life’s summers I’ve spend in the, err, something like a tiny suburb house? Not sure how to properly name it. I was maybe 6 at the time. Anyway, our neighbors had a daughter a couple years older, a dog and a pregnant cat. We weren’t friends much, but since that place was impossibly boring, she hung out with me occasionally. So when the cat gave birth, she invited me in to see the newborn kitties. Eh, guess what happened next? Well, her mom was like “aww, cute kitties, cute kids, that’s so nice, ok time’s up, let’s get this done”. And shoved cats into a bag and drown them in a bucked of water. Yep, just like that. 

Later I’ve got to know that’s what most people in those kind of places do every time their cats end up breeding (which is at least 3 times a year per cat). They don’t care enough to fix the getting pregnant part, it’s easier and cheaper to just kill the litter every time. But back when I was 6 I wasn’t really aware that this is how this world works. So yeah, that was kind of a dealbreaker for me (not the first one, and definitely not the last one). And of course it felt nasty to watch 5 newborn cats dying while I could do nothing to stop that from happening (yeah, I recall trying pretty hard). 

But what really astonished me the most wasn’t the dead cats. It was how casual the people around looked about it. Srsly, even the girl who was maybe 9 at most. She was like “ok, what a bummer, poor babies, oh well”. I was crying for days after that. No, literally for days — I just couldn’t stop, and that’s while not really being a cry-baby most of the time. 

But mostly that wasn’t because of what happened, but because of how people reacted and how drastically different it was from what I expected to be the natural way to see it. It was like waking up one day to realize that everyone you know aren’t exactly the same kind with you. I really couldn’t think how could those people be this way. Not just them — anyone, even my own parents thought that was it was me who was overreacting to a perfectly normal thing. That being slightly sad is a natural reaction to a murder. Of cats, sure — but what the fuck is the difference? I couldn’t really figure it out at the time (spoiler: I still don’t really see it, I only accepted as a fact that there is for all those “normal” people). 

Should I even mention that made me revaluate a bit my judgment of people in general? And the more time passed, the more there were examples of such. Not always so drastic, but all in all the pieces come together, revealing that it turns out I’m surrounded by some kind of horrible creatures that I’d really rather have nothing in common with and have as little contact with as possible. 

Could it also apply to social cues like “seeing” how other people feel about you, picking up on their emotions and stuff like that? Yeah, it might. I won’t say for sure, but until some point later in life it wasn’t as hard for me to tell whether someone’s sad or angry, etc. In fact, it was pretty obvious for me to the point that this very subtile attitude of people towards me was one of the causes that made me withdraw so far there’s really no going back. 

I mean, sure on the outside most of those people (the same ones who have apparently don’t kill each other only because they’re afraid to be convict) seem nice and sweat. They’d never say a bad word to a weird quiet kid with obvious psychological issues, they’d smile and be really extra friendly and patient. But for some reason to the little me there wasn’t really a question whether it’s any sincere or not. It was so fucking obviously not what they think. There wasn’t a need to look at their ugly faces to see they feel pity at best, fear at worst and disgust as per usual. There wasn’t much need to know psychology to realize that. 

(note: of course, I can’t exclude the possibility that some of those cues weren’t actually there; obviously I can’t comment whether any of them were delusions or not — that’s why they’re called delusions in first place)

Until I got older, that is. Right now I really can’t tell a thing about what people think, how they feel about me or each other or anything at all. I don’t know and really don’t feel like knowing, for that matter. I’ve had enough of this species for a lifetime to bother looking into their eyes and expecting another pile of emotional shit to be flushed on me out of nowhere. 

Do I subconsciously tune this empathy shit off? Yeah, most likely. Actually, I’d say I’m pretty much conscious about it by now. Somewhere between 12 and 20 it, indeed, seemed out of my grasp. I just turned into a icicle during puberty for no apparent reason. Aside from all the human trash that kept surrounding me on daily basis, that is. 

Anyway, speaking about theories, I also heard another theory: that what is currently considered schizoid PD might be not actually related to schizophrenia spectrum and is instead a different part of autistic spectrum. 

Really not sure which (if either) one of them is correct. Followers, any thoughts on this matter? Or maybe you know of similar theories or can talk more about those? I’ll reblog relevant stuff as always.

[pet-diary]

How was it like growing up as an autistic child? When were you diagnosed? C:

I was diagnosed later in life (mid-twenties) after seeking out the diagnosis on my own. I never really knew I was autistic as a child or as I was growing up, I just knew there was something “different” about me. It was hard to put two and two together for a number of reasons…

(adding a read more cut because this ended up being a long answer, sorry!)

I was home schooled by my mom with only my brother and sister as company until I reached the 7th grade. The only real social interaction I had was with a few family friends (most of whom trickled out of our life after a couple of yrs of knowing them, for various reasons) and kids I got to know at church. I went to church every Sunday and Wednesday until I was in jr high and had a few friendships that lasted a few yrs, but all of them ended over time (kind of badly in some cases, some of them bullied me in the end). I hung out with my cousin for several yrs until she also became too “cool” for me. Needless to say, everyone just thought I was weird because I was home schooled, isolated, and friendless through most of my little kid yrs.

Despite having a somewhat isolated childhood I was really happy I think. I didn’t really get why people didn’t want to be my friend back then. I was a pretty happy kid. I didn’t think it was all that weird to be as hyper-focused on small details of things as I was, to notice the things I did, or to have the special interests I had. Also I was really really shy and didn’t talk very much at all. I had fewer sensory issues back then because I was more in control of my environment (spent almost every minute at home!) but they tended to get worse on long trips in the car or in situations where I couldn’t get away.

I grew up in a very small town in Texas. There was no practical or helpful interventions in place for kids who didn’t “look” like they had a disability, but still did have one. None of my issues ever got singled out on an institutional level (like recognizing a learning disability or whatever, my issues were mostly intrapersonal and interpersonal, everyone thought my educational issues were bc of home school). My parents thought I had a behavioral attitude problem and threatened to send me to boot camp a lot (my dad is ex marine). I got in trouble at home a lot because I was argumentative. The one time i spoke up about having anxiety and depression I got a couple of months worth of Lexapo from my GP, and never got it refilled. I was a freshman in high school at the time I think. Mental health wasn’t talked about or taken seriously where I grew up. If you had real problems you were supposed to work them out in church (no offense to ppl who believe in that, but I don’t think it should take the place of practical interventions that can help improve ppl’s lives). I mostly just started “working them out” through self injury (bad coping mechanism), and later through art.

From jr high to high school I kind of found my niche. I had groups of friends eventually, really good friends. Mostly outcast types, but we didn’t care, we were the weirdos and we liked that. I also took on the role as the artsy eccentric one in the group who said weird stuff that people thought was funny or amusing. I actually really liked this part of me, but the other issues in my life at the time made this a less happy point in my life. It was a mixed bag.At this point (basically from 7th grade on) I was dealing with a lot of depression, anxiety, self injury, etc. I started looking into psychology as a way to describe what I was going through, why I had such intense emotions, meltdowns, sensory issues, depression, headaches, stress, etc. That time period was the birth of my lifelong interest in psychology. I bought every book I could, watched every movie. There was a lot of confusing info out there (movies probably didn’t help since they don’t portray mental illness very accurately usually, lol). But autism was never really brought to my attention because of the obvious reasons (stereotypically a young boy’s disorder, mute stereotype), but also because of the divide between the medical field and the psychological field. I was looking in the wrong places, apparently. I think this divide is a major issue that will eventually need to be addressed, by the way.

To answer your actual question… Growing up undiagnosed autistic was confusing as all hell. Often sad. Very very lonely. I didn’t really get what I was doing “wrong” most of the time? For a large portion of my life I had a lot of magical thinking. I thought I was “special” and could like, control certain things in my life (kind of like in a serendipitous way? idk it’s hard to describe). I used to think I had schizotypal pd but that might have just been a result of trying to make a confusing life make sense. Maybe I do though who knows really.

I might have had these issues with or without a diagnosis, but I definitely have always felt “broken” bc I didn’t have an explanation for why I was different.I have a lot of self-loathing, lack of confidence issues that I’m still working through as an adult. To be honest with you (and I don’t consider this tmi because this is my blog lol)… I was really at my wit’s end when I decided to seek out a diagnosis. I felt broken, like a burden, like garbage parts that would never do any good in the world or mean anything to anyone. I had a lot of suicidal thoughts all the time, I was in a really dark place for many years and the only thing keeping me going was my husband (then boyfriend) and my pets. When it got bad enough that I was scared for my safety I decided I needed to demand help from myself and my family and friends.

Things completely changed when I got my diagnosis. Something in me shifted, and I felt I understood the universe more clearly. Kind of like when you learn something new in school or whatever and everything takes on new meaning somehow. It was like that. Since then, I’ve had a lot more self acceptance. I still have a lot of issues sometimes when I’m having a really bad meltdown or depression (okay it happens way more than it should, I really need to go to therapy I know, lol), but things have improved so drastically by knowing I’m autistic, I can’t even tell you. It’s also improved my relationship with my husband, (side bonus).

It hasn’t been all good, I mean, my family and irl friends have barely acknowledged it which just makes me doubt myself all over again… But then I remember “oh yeah other people don’t have to deal with this kind of shit!!!! This isn’t typical!!! This isn’t the “normal” everyone else is experiencing!! Fuck you I’m autistic or whatever else you wanna call it, come at me!!!! I’m done feeling like I’m broken so just accept it already and start to know me as me and not as this bullshit image you’ve created in your mind to represent me!!” :D

Besides, acceptance or not, I’m always going to have the issues I have. I’ll always have a hard time understanding what people are saying when there’s too much going on, I’ll always get overwhelmed and burned out, I’ll always have meltdowns (something that is very hard to accept about myself), I’ll always make social blunders and misunderstand people, I’ll always be misunderstood, I’ll always struggle with things that come more easily for others. But I’ll also always see the world from a totally different perspective from everyone else, which I think really helps me in my art and ideas. And I have a lot of fun in life when things are going well, I’m really super passionate about so much and I think that’s because of my strong emotions and connectiveness to things. I have a fun childlike view of everything when I’m in a healthy place and I love that about myself. There’s a lot of really cool things about it, and some bad things too.

Sorry this is such a long answer. I’m clearly avoiding my school work…………. It’s been a long stressful weekend and venting a little felt good so thank you for this question that I have taken way far off track, heh heh.

I should probably be more “professional” in my answers to these types of questions since this is the field I want to specialize in eventually, but whatever. This is real life and real life is messy and sometimes you get mad about your baggage and curse a little. It helps to curse a little. ;)

Also I’m an oversharer, sorry! Autism is a big interest of mine and so is human behavior. So it’s hard to hold back…

[selfcaredoc]

The Wellness Home. A Global Solution

"The greatest wealth is health."  -- Virgil

In not much more than a generation, we have transitioned from a world in which infectious diseases were the greatest health challenge to one in which multiple chronic illnesses are the biggest global health threat Over 70% of deaths are attributed to chronic diseases. Although the U.S. leads the world in chronic diseases and pharmaceutical consumption this is a global problem.

   According to the World Health Organization, chronic diseases are the leading causes of death and disability worldwide. Disease rates from these conditions are accelerating globally and advancing across every region and pervading all socioeconomic classes. Currently, 33% of adults worldwide suffer from two or more chronic conditions also known as Multiple Chronic Conditions (MCC).

The Americas have the world’s highest prevalence of overweight and obesity, which is a leading risk factor for chronic conditions, especially diabetes. This overweight and obesity epidemic is largely due to an increasing trend toward unhealthy diets consisting of highly processed foods high in fat and sugar, and few fruits and vegetables.

The four major chronic diseases, cardiovascular disease, cancers, diabetes, and chronic respiratory disease will account for approximately 81 percent of deaths in Latin America and the Caribbean by 2030 according to the Population Reference Bureau on Latin America.

The World Economic Forum on Health and Healthcare recently announced that the long-term goal of healthcare should be focused on prevention. I suggest that this should be the immediate goal and a revolution to self care and its principles are undeniably needed right now.

Chronic diseases and conditions, such as heart disease, stroke, cancer, type 2 diabetes, obesity, and arthritis are among the most common, costly, and preventable of all health problems. The World Health Organization (WHO) and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimate that as high as 80% of our world’s biggest killers can be prevented. I concur and am of the belief that just a few simple self care principles can lead to a vibrant heathy life.

As self care advocates and part of our International Wellness Community it is our goal to empower people everywhere to be Healthy by Choice. In this context, we talk about four causative factors for chronic disease and solutions that we all can implement to be Healthy by Choice.  

1.     Deydration

According to a recent study 75% of Americans suffer from chronic dehydration. Meaning most of us are not giving our body the right level of water it requires daily. It’s not just in the United States, this is a problem seen at varying degrees in Australia (80%) France (75%) and Germany (50%), and the UK (80%).

Dehydration has been called the Mother of all Epidemics and the first step we all need to take in addressing chronic disease. Failure to drink enough water can lead to fatigue, headaches, joint pain, weight gain, diabetes, ulcers, cardiovascular and kidney disease.

Water is not just a beverage choice? It is an essential nutrient.

We can live for months even decades without many other nutrients, but only a few days without water! Drink half our body weight in ounces of water per day, or 3.3% your body weight in kilograms in liter per day.

 2.     Sleep Deficiency

Many of us walk around every day sleep deprived. One reason is that many of us consider sleep as an unproductive endeavor, when it is our most productive physiological activity. This too is a global problem that can lead to many chronic diseases. The average amount of hours slept per night in the U.S. is 6.5 hours.

Here are the average hours of sleep in other countries:

Mexico 7.1 hours

Canada 7.1 hours

Germany 7 hours

UK 6.8 ours

Japan 6.4 hours

Source: National Sleep Foundation

 Although 7 hours of sleep sounds good, it is a chronic recipe for sleep deficiency and related poor health issues.

 Most sleep experts agree that we need 8 to 9 hours of sleep a night for good health.

What is the recycle rate of a human being? In other words, how long can we last without sleep before we start to see declines in brain function or impairments within our bodies? It seems to be about 16 hours. Once we get past 16 hours, research shows that’s when we see mental and physiological deterioration in the body. Take look at Dr. Matthew Walker’s informative five minute video, “Why We Sleep”.

 3.     Weight Matters

A recent study in The Lancet (April 2016) reported for the first time in human history obese people outnumber underweight people. These statistics were gathered from 200 countries and nearly 20 million people for over 20 years. According to the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development, the United States is the most obese nation in the world, just ahead of Mexico. Their report states 2/3rd’s of U.S. adults are overweight or obese (69 percent) and one out of three are obese (36 percent) and 1/3rd of children are overweight. If trends continue unabated, by 2030, estimates predict that roughly half of all American men and women will be obese.

One of the main problems is excess sugar consumption. To put this into context, the average daily consumption of sugar by Americans in 1822 was 9 grams a day. It is currently 153 grams a day per individual. This is nearly a 17-fold increase in less than 200 years. We change very slowly biologically, yet we have drastically altered what we are eating and the amount of sugar we are consuming.

Americans aren’t alone in their addiction to sugar.

      Top SUGAR LOVING Nations in the World

Sugar is highly addictive. The best way to break this addiction is to read labels and monitor your daily sugar consumption.  Read food labels and avoid those with added sugars. Also note that sugar content is expressed in grams per serving and that four grams of sugar is equal to about one teaspoon of sugar. Limit consumption to 25 grams (6 teaspoons) a day for women and 36 grams (or 9 teaspoons) a day for men.

Protein Helps

Eating protein is an easy way to curb sugar cravings. High-protein foods digest more slowly, keeping you feeling full for longer. Protein doesn't make your blood sugar spike the way refined carbs and sugars do. Pick proteins like lean chicken, eggs, nuts, or beans. Protein shakes are ideal for breaking the sugar addiction and can also provide essential and beneficial nutrients.

4.     Environmental Toxicity (The Body Burden)

I think we would all agree the world is a toxic place. There are over 85,000 chemicals in the marketplace, and we come in contact with them in one way or another every day.  There is no such thing as a pristine environment. Toxins are in the air we breathe, the water we drink and the food we eat. Decades of research and countless studies have contributed to our understanding that we carry a burden of toxic chemicals in our body’s, our Body Burden. Environmental toxin have been linked to many chronic diseases, including ADD/ADHD, autism, autoimmune diseases, cancer, heart disease, stroke, diabetes and chronic respiratory diseases just to name a few.

Many countries have been pro-active in limiting the use and development of environmentally toxic chemicals. Here in the U.S. that is not the case. Many times, we feel powerless to combat this onslaught, but there are things we can do. We as individuals can make choices to help our bodies eliminate them and choices to avoid accumulating more.  As Dr. Andrew Weil advises, “The best way to detoxify is to stop putting toxic things into the body and depend upon its own mechanisms.”

We can filter our drinking and bathing water. Filter our air in our homes and offices. Sleep on non-toxic bedding. Consume foods and supplements that help detoxify and cleanse our bodies.

The Solution- The Nikken Wellness Home

This is the concept and functionality of the Nikken Wellness Home. Whether we live in New York, London, Paris, Bogota, or Mexico City, as Nikken consultants and self care advocates we can be of service to people anywhere to Be Healthy by Choice.  A Nikken Wellness Home is designed to address many concerns, including environmental toxins, contagions, dehydration, poor sleep quality, weight matters and nutrition. In a practical sense, the Wellness Home creates an environment that enables us to make healthier choices every day.

We invite you to join our International Wellness Community and our mission to make Every Home a Wellness Home.

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has.” Margaret Mead