#there is a lengthy amount of reasons for this ok

[manhunter-1986]

ok hot take but aziraphale and crowley arent sun and moon, they are both an eclipse

[theweirdwideweb]

we want the work blowout deets

I'll give you the tea but it will be lengthy and I'm going to cry.

Thank you for asking anon. To be honest with you I've been crying in bed about it for the past couple hours. I stood up just now and went to the bathroom and saw two big wet patches on my smiley face tshirt and it sucks so much. I'm so sad.

I could really use some feedback on this situation to be honest. OK. So the long story short is that I got a new supervisor a year ago and my work life has been hell ever since. First off, she doesn't understand what I do. She's never done my job. And she is THE micromanager from hell. For the first 7 months of the year she had me turning in a time card every week showing everything I did down to 5 minute increments. I turn the spreadsheet in on Friday, then every Monday we'd have a meeting where she'd tell me she just doesn't understand how I use my time. Why did it take so long to do X amount of invoices? She estimates it should take 2 minutes per invoice, but it took me 4 minutes per invoice. Like I said she knows nothing about my job and as many times as I've explained it she still "doesn't get it." It was demoralizing, nerve wracking, and frankly so insulting to my competence that I went to her boss (my old supervisor who I love). When she did nothing I went to HR with serious concerns about discrimination----it's no coincidence that I was granted some medical leave at the beginning of the year to address mental health concerns.

Yada yada yada, we made some changes and I don't have to turn in the spreadsheet anymore, but she is still making me email her every week with a list of tasks I didn't complete from the week before. It's still insulting but at least she agreed I'd only have to do it for another 3 months. Actually she said 1 month, but she's such a bitch that by the next HR meeting she claimed she never said 1 month and switched it to 3 months. She's a fucking moron, reader. She's dead fucking stupid. I really can't stress that enough. Dumb. It took her 15 years to get the position I got within 3 years of starting. The only reason she's where she is is seniority, personal relationships with management, and being a fucking bully. A dumb bully! Telling you how to prioritize your work! She's accused me recently of being unprepared for a meeting---a meeting that I hosted, provided all the material for, wrote all the notes on, fleshing out a new process she told me to start implementing but had zero idea how. She just tosses ideas at me and I'm left to figure out any kind of practical way to do it because---AGAIN---she doesn't know how to do my job. There've been other things too. She's a sneak humiliator. She's a button pusher. She's a moron. A big fat ugly moron who looks like Roz from Monster's Inc.

So on Thursday at 4:30pm, end of the day, suddenly a meeting with HR and this cunt appears on my calendar for 10am Friday (yesterday). I'm like---well here we go. She's either going to fire me or put me on a formal PIP. I'll be honest with you, I'd already decided to quit but I was holding out for my bonus in December. I entered the meeting feeling tranquil. I thought, "Do it. Pull the trigger. I'm ready for the end. Just fire me. Let me go. Release me."

But when the meeting starts it's just a touch base with our HR rep to see how everything is going. Are YOU fucking KIDDING me. Anyone would have thought the same thing I did. Of all the things my supervisor sucks dicks at, communication is the worst of all. She can't even spell. She can't string a sentence together. I mean it's shocking she writes at like a 6th grade level. I've seen emails she sent that are so garbled they are literally incomprehensible.

So I'm PISSED. I express how nerve-wracking the previous evening and all morning had been. We're off to a great start. She lets me know she's going to try to end the email process early. OK good. She tells me she's concerned because I haven't been providing personal feedback to her when prompted. Easy enough to explain: I hate your fucking guts, I'm trying to be a grey rock until I can quit. But I can't say that so I'm just like Alright.

Now here comes the bullshit! 1) She now wants me to ask permission in advance to work on weekends. I'm so overworked and stressed out I work like every weekend and now she wants me to ask her permission for the privilege of working on my day off. Guess who's never working a weekend for this company again. 2) The emails that just contain a list of tasks, right? Was 1 month, now 3 months, etc. She also changed the rules so that I have to provide a count of all the claims I processed across multiple platforms. And well---she just doesn't understand how I processed X number of claims and it took this long. In fact, she said, she counts 8 hours reported on my timecard she can't account for last week.

I lost it. I was openly hostile and belligerent. Fuck this fucking bitch. I cannot work for this vile idiot anymore. I actually used my IRL voice to poke holes in what she was saying and pointing out how fucking stupid it all is. Then she comes at me for not respecting her authority. As a reminder, just minutes before she'd complained about me having no feedback for her.

I left the meeting by refusing offers for additional time with the HR rep. I was in no place. I barely worked the rest of the day I was so upset and I didn't send my email, didn't complete my tasks, and didn't ask her permission to finish it up on the weekend (lol). I don't have another job lined up but this is the last time she's going to question whether I'm just straight up lying on my timecard or some kind of moron. That's it. This is her 100th strike for me.

Now here's why I'm so conflicted. 1) My previous supervisor (now my boss's boss) is going on a leave of absence like THIS WEEK for about a month and a half to treat her cancer. I care about her very much. I don't want to stress her out at the last second like this. 2) My bitch boss is also having a sudden serious health problem requiring her to be at the hospital multiple times a week. 3) On top of that, this stupid fucking cow has to take over my boss's boss's work while she's out for cancer. 4) They are absolutely fucked without me. For me to leave right now is a disaster. Add to that---the one person I manage and have a 100% rock solid relationship straight up told me that she's going to quit at some point and that if I quit she's walking out right behind me. She said this to me unprompted and I discouraged her from quitting. 5) I have a heart. The boss and the boss's boss are both having life problems that are more important than work. I think it's immoral to leave them in the lurch right now. They have serious health problems. As much as I hate my boss, at one point we were friends. My heart is breaking.

So I'm crying in bed. I can't live this way anymore. Toxic work stress has taken over my life. I get so miserable, but then some days it's just a job. It's a job I know how to do. I've been here 6 years. The health insurance is spectacular. I've got nothing lined up. I have adequate savings to get through a couple months of unemployment, but it's no guarantee I'll find a position that suits me in that timeframe. I have all these personal relationships at work (a mistake I will not repeat). I've let this job become part of my identity. I'm getting older. I'm 37 and I'm tired and I'm crazy and I just want peace. This position is fully remote---what if the next guy makes me work in person? My whole life will change. I just want this job to work like it has been for the 5 years before she took over. I'm so sad. I've felt this way so many times.

I want to quit first thing Monday. But I want to offer them the option of staying on until good boss gets back from cancer leave, so long as I don't have to work with illiterate cunt boss any more than is absolutely critical in the meantime. What do you think guys? My heart is breaking.

[roobiedo]

Happy Solarpunk Aesthetic Week and Winter Solstice! ❄️

While we do celebrate here, we don't actually experience winter in my region, or any of the classic four seasons! The weather here is basically a coin toss between searing heat and torrential rain lol. So while I was musing over how to adapt a solarpunk aesthetic to a tropical lifestyle, I came up with this!

Lengthy explanations and chaotic ideas below:

Disclaimer: I am not a science-y person, so I'm not sure how any of these would technically work or what materials would go into making them. Hopefully one day someone could figure it out, but I'm just having fun sharing these ideas for now :)

-----

What works well both in harsh sunlight and heavy downpours, plus is already something that people here use everyday? Umbrellas! How cool would it be to have an umbrella that absorbs sunlight during the day, and turns it into a personal spotlight at night? Or perhaps it could absorb and store large amounts of rainwater, to be re-used later or released somewhere more useful?

My main inspiration for this is the bamboo. This plant already plays a huge role in our lives here -- culturally, economically, and from what I recently learned, ecologically too! Our region suffers from floods often, and bamboo can help to control the flow of water, for example through their roots providing a barrier against soil erosion, or their ability to store large amounts of water and release it gradually during drier seasons. (And that's just one of the many reasons why bamboos are awesome and solarpunky!) I thought it would be cool to have water stored in the 'bamboo nodes' of the umbrella shaft, which could then be detached and used individually, or as components in other tech!

I chose the Amazonian lily pad as the canopy design because 1) it looks big enough to cover a person, 2) it has a wide surface for solar panels to 'photosynthesize' energy, 3) its container-like shape looks as though it could hold rainwater like a funnel while it trickles into the shaft, and 4) it just looks really pretty! Realistically, this canopy might not be able to do everything at once, so I'm hoping for this tech to be modular and highly customizable -- as in, you could replace this 'lily pad' with something else that serves a different function! I did play around with some other designs, here they are hehe

Hibiscus: Our national flower! Have these bad boys growing in my yard so I thought why not. Not sure what functions it would have yet... perhaps the pistil could be a sensor for gathering weather data? Or maybe the anthers are little lights? Maybe it attracts BEES???

Mushroom: Not familiar with the fungi in my area yet so I went with the classic Amanita. Though now I'm kinda regretting because! Wouldn't it be so cool and lunarpunky to design it based on a bio-luminescent mushroom, so it would make sense for the umbrella to glow in the dark? AGH missed opportunities ;;

-----

Anyway while I was designing the umbrella I thought about giving the model a cool fit too, so tadaaa! A customizable pair of pants that can be worn as a shorts + half-skirt/sarong combo during hot weather, or extended to become a full pair of jeans during colder/rainy times! I used zippers as the connectors because they seem easy to sew on and I like the punky vibe it adds to the outfit. HOWEVER, I'm realising that might be inconvenient or way too time consuming for some people. Maybe buttons, magnets or hook-and-loop fasteners would be easier?

As for the shirt, idk that was just for fun. Maybe it changes colour/design based on the surrounding temperature?

-----

So YEAH that was my longer-than-expected idea dump for this week! Thank you for reading <3 If you have any thoughts or ways of expanding on these ideas please please please share them with me I'm just really excited to see what people think waaaaa!!! ok bye stay hydrated

[lolhex12]

we don't talk enough abt akutagawa's cough / lung disease (chronic&terminal) yet it has so much angst potential?? anywayy

after the current arc, atsushi knows akutagawa is actively dying and he's the only one who does bc akutagawa didn't tell anyone else abt it. (altho, in all honesty, the amount this man coughs should at least hint at it. i'm honestly amazed not more ppl in the story are concerned abt it)

so, the next mission they have together, akutagawa coughs and atsushi is now aware what it really means, so he wonders out loud with nonchalance masking his concern: "hey, so like, do you think yosano's ability would help with your cough and all? would it go away then?"

akutagawa, wiping his mouth, slightly annoyed: "how would i now? i'm not well-acquainted with your coworkers, weretiger, therefore it's none of my concern. and even then, i wouldn't trust any ada members with my issues, nor my life."

atsushi finds his words a bit sus bc 'u do trust me tho', but doesn't say it out loud and they leave it at that.

somehow, it becomes a regular thing. every time they have a mission together and atsushi hears his partner cough, he presents more ideas of how they could cure a terminal lung disease, and they vary in absurdity as he runs out of inspiration.

his ideas range from mere "have you tried going to a doctor?" (<- at which akutagawa stares in disbelief: "you either think i'm an idiot, or you are the idiot. which one is it?" and atsushi pouts bc 'ok yeah, fair... but also, rude') to insanities like "maybe witchcraft would help! i could look up witches in the area and see if black magic or something has any luck." (<- at which akutagawa is so done he doesn't even entertain the idea and just keeps walking)

they never follow through with any idea tho, bc akutagawa stubbornly refuses to waste time on trying to find a cure when his time on earth already is very limited.

it should also be noted that each time the cough gets worse; louder, rougher, more persistent and even bloody, which only makes atsushi more and more worried.

so one time, akutagawa's particularly annoyed by atsushi's insane and stupid ideas. he turns to him and point-blank asks: "why do even care so much whether i succumb to my illness or not? surely, my death should only leave you overjoyed to see the world be rid of one more evil."

that makes atsushi think bc 'why? why does he care whether akutagawa lives or dies? he's right, a bad person like a mafioso dying should be a good thing.'

after lengthy contemplation he comes to the conclusion that he simply cannot have his sworn enemy/rival/partner die from something as pathetic as a disease. someone as strong as akutagawa has to die in a more memorable way - not alone, in a bed, coughing, with nothing more to be remembered by. if anything he'd have to die fighting atsushi or something. yeah that's it. that's why. (<- it's not, but they're not quite there yet)

so atsushi tells him as much. akutagawa accepts it bc 'yeah, makes sense. what else could the reason be?'

the whole routine of coughing and brainstorming a solution in vain continues as the ideas get even more insane, the cough even worse and atsushi more concerned than ever.

the next time akutagawa is annoyed enough to pose the question again, atsushi is close to tears from anxiety as he holds up akutagawa who collapsed and can't seem to subdue his cough properly.

atsushi struggles to get out the water bottle and cough drops he'd started carrying around on their missions together. he's so scared bc he's never seen akutagawa look so sick and frail before (but not weak. never weak. akutagawa could never be weak in atsushi's eyes. it's impossible, bc akutagawa being strong is a simple, unchangeable fact, constant in any possible universe).

what would he do if akutagawa actually died there? in his arms? on a mission? which would probably get cancelled. would the pm think atsushi killed him? does he bring back the body or just bury it somewhere? pretend he got killed on the mission and not by his own body that had turned on him years ago and was in reality a long time coming? he couldn't even bear to think abt it.

"why tf do u care so much??" akutagawa yells with a scratchy voice before his cough continue despite his best efforts to stop.

atsushi can barely breathe anymore. "because i don't want you to die, you idiot! we're a team! you're my partner. who will i be left with if you go?" tears stream down his face, mainly from how overwhelming his anxiety feels. or maybe bc he really doesn't want his partner to die? nah, it's the anxiety. definitely the anxiety. (<- #denial)

akutagawa, at first embarrassed how his collapse derailed their mission bc goddammit he's supposed to be a professional and not let his issues interfere with his job, pauses when he sees atsushi crying... for him? because of him? ???

he's very confused bc he's pretty sure his rival/enemy/partner should not be so concerned abt his health and impending death, but something abt atsushi's expression and that whole situation makes him rethink his outlook on life.

that's when akutagawa starts taking his health more seriously and actively looks for possible, feasible ways to cure his disease, even if there's only a small chance it'll actually work. bc seeing atsushi like that made him realize there are a handful of people who care abt him and would mourn him if he died; more than just his sister and higuchi.

it made him realize his life had a bigger impact on others than he'd previously thought, not all of it bad.

[strongsassysexysloane]

What You Deserve

Sum: Things get complicated when a case turns into a weekend away. Alcohol is consumed and flirtatious comments leads to...

⚠️ - Sex is mentioned, alcohol consumption, drinking, teasing.. nothing too salacious... yet.

It was always a shame that when you got a case in such a beautiful city, you never got to see the nice side of it. Especially when the hotel was actually decent for a change with a wonderful swimming pool. The team had wrapped up the case quicker than usual and the hotel had the rooms booked for another few days, the only problem was the Agency. They were always the problem.

“What is the point of having our own private jet if we can’t keep it for a few more days and enjoy a well deserved weekend off?” You’d been trying to reason with the higher ups for almost an hour now. Emily tried first, company money and time, they insisted and then you tried. You didn’t have enough pull as Emily did but you were more persistent.

Annoyingly so.

‘We need the jet back in-‘

“Why? It is this team’s personal jet. Who needs it back, when we are all here? We would be using the same amount of fuel..”

Emily was on her third tequila sunrise watching you with amusement. The others had dispersed around the bar, dancing or chatting with the locals. She had hung back to keep you under control but that was before she started drinking half an hour ago.

There was no more arguing with you.

‘It has been over an hour. I don’t know the time where you are, but I want to go home. Have the jet for two more days, fine. You can explain it on the budget next month.’

You smirked and Emily was shocked. “Oh I don’t have to deal with the budget, thanks.” And you hung up, much to Emily’s now new frustration.

“What about the bud-get?!” She was the one having to fill out those reports and give lengthy reasonings about where and why they used their budget.

You shrugged, “This will be put up for questioning next budget review I guess.” Your amusement growing more and more as Emily’s dwindled.

“Those meetings are already hell… This better be worth it.” She grumbled, sipping her drink.

“Just think –“ You paused, she glared at you over the glass. “- Or don’t, that works too.” You held up your hands and backed away, heading for the bar.

You informed the team that you’d secured the weekend for everyone to stay at the hotel. Only issue was you were bunked with Emily for another two nights. That wasn’t really a big issue. There were thankfully two beds to your saving grace but still being in a confined space with her for long periods of time was testing your will power. Not to mention her short sleep shorts.

Usually you managed to bunk with Reid or JJ but this time they got their own rooms and Emily made the call to take one for the team… Meaning bunking with you. Much to everyone’s amusement bar your own. Night one was fine, you were too tired to care. Now you were on night five and alcohol was involved, your will powerful was absolutely drained and Emily was drunk.

When you made it back to the table Emily and JJ were sitting at, you could see more empty glasses which meant she was onto her fifth cocktail.

“Think it’s time to cut you off.” You laughed at her instant frown. “Ok, stand up without swaying and hop on one leg.”

She instantly got up but JJ held on, her hand gripping her shoulder for balance. “This isn’t fair.”

You laughed watching her struggle to lift one foot even with JJ helping her. “Sit down Em.” You sighed, shaking your head.

.. >< ..

The night carried on. To Emily’s delight you didn’t cut her off which was your mistake. Now you were the one helping her walk back to the room. Her feet tripping over themselves which made it extremely difficult to walk let alone stand.

“You’re such a light weight.” You chuckled as she stumbled and leant more on you. “Jesus.” Her arm wrapping around your waist for a second to gain balance.

“Hey. Girls gotta let loose - once in a while.” She hiccupped and regained some balance, removing her hand from your waist.

Thankfully, you reached the room and got her inside and onto the bed. Her drunken smile watching you move around room. The heavy lifting was over, although now you had the task of helping her out of her clothes before she passed out. You handed her a glass of water and she drank it. Your mind going a million miles an hour, you weren’t far off being drunk yourself.

“You’re good at this.” She mumbled, giggled when your fingers tickled the bottom of her feet taking off her shoes. “Not asking permission before you undress me…” She quirked an eyebrow with a smirk. Even wasted Emily could pull off that look.

The thoughts running through your head weren’t innocent when she looked at you like that from this position on your knees in front of her. “Please, I’d be far more seductive undressing you if sex was on the table.” Your eyes slammed closed, and you wanted to hit your head against a brick wall.

“Who said it wasn’t.” She snickered. Not at all regretting flirting with you when you looked like this.

This woman was going to be the death of you. “Do you want help or not?” You looked up at her, legs hanging off the end of the bed where you plopped her, hair a mess, shirt twisted but somehow, she was still the most beautiful woman you’d ever seen.

“Is sex on the table if I say yes or no?”

“Emily.” You warned and she sighed.

“You’re no fun when drunk. Yes, can I please have help, don’t think I can stand up without it.” She laughed, attempting to stand up but she couldn’t get the momentum. “Nope.”

“Here.” You grabbed her hand and with a bit of momentum on her part, you managed to stand her up. Her hand fell from yours and rested on your waist. “Don’t.” Her hand didn’t listen, it went on exploring and snuck under your top. It took all your will power not to moan at the touch.

“I’m sorry I shouldn’t-“ Something must’ve clicked in her drunken brain because she instantly retracted her hand from your skin. She shook her head, trying to shake away the thoughts, the alcohol was melting away her walls and rules.

“Hey,-“ You were soft, your hand coming up to cup her cheek and draw her eyes back to you. “Let me help you, then I’ll get you another glass of water and tuck you in.” You threw in a wink and a smile to calm her beating heart and it worked. It didn’t help your racing heart after her touch and how she was looking at you, but she needed help right now and your feelings took a back seat for now.

There was a quick nod and you proceeded to unbutton her shirt and take it off then you helped her undo her trousers. Nothing was said between you, both of you silent and breathy controlling your impure thoughts. You’d never get the image of her in her underwear out of your head and you didn’t want to.

She sat back down on the bed and curled up under the covers.

“I’ll be right back.” You brushed her hair out of her face and swore you heard her purr at the touch.

The bathroom was a saving grace, you took a minute to settle your nerves. Undressing Emily took all your will power, touching her skin was intoxicating and you worked quick as not to wonder. She didn’t seem to mind but then in her state she did put sex on the table. You shook your head and filled up a glass of water for her.

She passed out almost right away after you tucked her in. You made sure she drank the water before falling asleep then you got ready for bed. It was late so sleep came easy but your dreams had you squirming.

The sun didn’t wake you but the sound of someone puking did. Your eyes flickered open and there it was again. Last night quickly came back to you and you shot out of bed. “Em!”

“Don’t come in here!” She quickly flicked the door and it slammed shut in your face.

“Come on. I can hold your hair up at least.”

“No!” She yelled before throwing up again. “Why didn’t you stop me from drinking?!” She coughed and flushed the toilet. Her head hadn’t felt this bad since her late teen years.

You shook your head and leant back against the wall. “Oh gee, like I could stop you, I suggested it five drinks in. You had other ideas.” There was the tap and you heard her brushing her teeth so you walked back to bed. “You’re cut off from drinking for the rest of the weekend though.” You grumbled and flopped back into bed, your head wasn’t feeling that great either.

“Excuse me?” Her hands were on her hips as your rolled over to look. “Did you suddenly become miss boss over night?”

“Fine, drink. Go sleep in Morgan’s room, he might take you up on the sex offer you so readily gave out to me last night.” Your words did the exact thing they intended, she blanched.

Her hands fell from her sides, one came up to cradle her forehead. “I didn’t... did I? You’re screwing with me, right?”

“Pretty sure you were the one wanting to be screwed...” You couldn’t believe you were having this conversation and before coffee too.

She walked over to your bed. “I’m sorry I di- I’m sorry.”

The fact that she stopped herself from retracting the statement had you perplexed, and you rolled over onto your side. Thankfully you had the sheet pulled up over your waist because her hand came out and rested on your hip.

“Thank you for being my saviour.” Her thumb rubbed circles over the sheet.

“Always, now is sex still on the table or is that just a drunk Emily thing?” You got a shove for that and you both laughed. “Drunk Emily. Got it.” Two could play at the teasing game.

She shook her head and walked back over to her bed. “You’re something else.” Her back was to you so she could hide the massive blush all over her face. “Might rest up a bit before showing my face at breakfast.”

“It’s only early, go back to sleep. I’ll wake you before breakfast is over.”

You set your alarm to wake you both up later, thankfully, because you drifted back into your dreams. Dreams where Emily made good on her drunken wishes. The beeping woke you up before it got really good, and you groaned.

An amused Emily was perched on her elbow looking at you. “Good dream?”

Her amused smirk gave away that she’d woken up before the alarm and heard you in your sleep. The blush started to heat up your cheeks. “Might’ve been.” You sheepishly looked away from her daring gaze and hopped out of bed. “Breakfast time.”

“Oh, I took the liberty of ordering us room service, I hope you don’t mind.”

You just shrugged, yawning as you walked to the bathroom and away from her inquisitive gaze.

“Got time for a quickie if you get back in bed.”

You almost walked into the bathroom door at her words.

She must’ve heard the oomph sound because you could hear her laugh before she clarified. “A quick nap.”

“Yeah sure, that’s what you meant.” Sexually frustrated you was beginning to show, “You had your chance.” You said as you turned on the tap and splashed your face, trying to wake up quicker.

There was shuffling from the room. “Was thinking after breakfast we could go down to the pool. Morgan texted and said him and JJ were hitting the bar later –“

“No bar!”

She chuckled, “Oh there will be bar but no tequila, I think I’ve finally learnt my lesson with that one.” She watched you as you padded around the room, looking anywhere but at her. The fact that she’d woken up at the first alarm you’d set but quickly hit snooze and stayed awake to hear you moan her name had her legs twitching. Plus, the memories from last night were flooding back, the look you gave her had her wishing she hadn’t been that intoxicated and followed through.

You grabbed your clothes for the day, opting to put your bikini on underneath to save time later. As you were getting changed and thinking of anything to get your mind of Emily in bed, the room service arrived. It smelt amazing. Emily was perched at the small table with two plates of everything you could want from the buffet.

“This looks amazing.”

“I’m hoping it’ll settle my raging hangover.” She chomped on a hashbrown.

Breakfast was spent in silence, both of you were too hungry to carry any further banter. Although you could feel her eyes on you. A text notification broke the silence and it was Penelope wondering where you two were. They were already pool side. Another text came through and it was of Morgan sipping a drink in the pool. If you were straight that would be a site to see but it did nothing for you.

“Guess I better slip into something for the pool.” She winked as she hopped up from the table.

You prayed she had her back turned before the blush tinged your face as your brain was going ballistic with images of Emily in a bikini although your brain didn’t need to imagine for too long.

A few minutes later she walked out of the bathroom in just a red bikini and the beach towel wrapped around her waist. Why was it always red?

“You coming?”

You realised you had been staring for far too long and she had a very amused smirk on her face. “Be right down.” You needed a moment to cool off but even that wouldn’t happen.

She was in the pool by the time you got down and sat beside Penelope. “I think I need a drink.” You grumbled to an amused Garcia. Your eyes hadn’t left Emily’s body as she ducked underwater.

“Morgan, get Y/N a strong drink!” She shouted from her seat over to Morgan at the bar. He just smirked in response and relayed your order to the bartender. “Best way to cure a hangover, keep drinking.”

Before you could get the relief of alcohol, Emily popped up at the pools edge. “Don’t make me get out and pull you in.”

Your brain went fuzzy before Penelope shoved your shoulder. “Go. She’ll make us both wet.”

You wanted to punch the cute blonde for that remark but thankfully Morgan handed you your drink before anyone could do anything.

“Don’t think I wont push you in with a drink in hand.”

“Come on, shes practically begging you. If only I got that sort of attention from-“

“Hey!” Garcia shoved Morgan.

“Sorry baby girl.” He grinned and kissed her forehead.

You took a long swig of your drink and stood up, unwrapping the towel from around your waist. It took all your will power to avoid Emily’s eyes as you walked up to the pool. You could feel her eyes on you as you walked around and found the steps.

Was it to delay the process and for her to check you out? Absolutely.

You had no idea where this confidence was coming from but you held onto it, diving under the water and going up the opposite end to where she was.

“She’s playing dirty. I knew I liked her.” Morgan chuckled and got a raised eyebrow from Emily. “Oh, she’s all yours. I know better.” He smirked, watching Emily swim towards you. “This could be trouble."

Pen just grinned. “They deserve each other.”

They laughed and continued to not so subtly watch this play out. “I’m so glad we got the weekend off.” Derek smirked.

. . . . . . . . .

Let me know what you think, unsure how quickly updates will come. Most of it is written just needs to be edited. I dislike editing so comments and positivity will help ;)

[sinisxtea]

DOYOUNG ALBUM THOUGHTS

ok welcome to my album review rant today we're reviewing doyoung's album. it's a quite lengthy album too. tbh surprised at the amount of songs i actually enjoyed because ballards are usually a hit or miss for me, because i don't like hearing just straight vocals.

(im a doyoung stan i must stream yknow)

not going to review every song on the album bc i tuned out some of them... 😭

little light

upon first listen, i lowkey almost tuned it out, i'm sorry... but second time listening to it, since it is the title track, i'm paying more attention to it. the song is very j-pop coded?? in my opinion, the ballad-rock kinda vibe does fit doyoung and this was what i expected, but a teeny tiny part of me was hoping for a little bit more sm core style of music, with the experimental stuff, but this works too. havent watched the mv yet but i'll check it out soon, maybe look up the lyrics translation, cause songs have more meaning when you understand the lyrics too.

from little wave

tell me why it's giving mario kart... imagine listening to this while driving on rainbow road damn. no but this is such a car cruising driving song, and i pretty much liked it immediately upon first listen. the chorus is SO GOOD??? like doyoungs vocals shine on the whole album cause he's that talented but this one really demonstrates it i think. you can disagree with me lmfao idc. it's kinda giving 80s love ballad, and that's such a beautiful vibe of music i really like it a lot...

time machine

lowkey was a surprise to see mark and taeyeon featured on the album, but i actually really like this one. the vocals hard carried obviously, but mark + doyoung combo really hits hard lowkey they should do more stuff like this together. i'm a sucker for male-female vocal duets, so this one was so cute and sweet. i know why mark considers himself an "ARTIST" not a rapper lmfao. (also im waiting for mark's solo album...... SM PLEASE)

lost in california

THIS IS THE SONG I WILL BE REPLAYING OVER AND OVER THIS MONTH I THINK. hello it's so good why wasn't this the title track? it reminds me of "i don't think that i like her anymore" by charlie puth and that song hits hard. also the vibes are immaculate. seems way more sm core than ballad so obviously i prefer this lmfao... love the little harpsicord instrumental too that was so neat. sm pick ur title tracks better thanks.

rest

i got more appreciative of the song after the chorus came on, but it gives like jpop vibes?? jpop really has that hard metal/rock aspect, and this album has quite a few songs like that. all in all, this wasn't really a favorite favorite, but it definitely stood out to me because it wasn't a ballad lmfaooo. didn't add this one to my playlist but i do think it's pretty good.

dallas love field

this is so country coded guys...... and guess who actually listens to country? me anyways neat cause it's called dallas love field... but regardless i quite enjoyed this a lot, and seeing the country core vibes radiate off of this... like damn im gonna make doyoung cowboy edits soon just watch. (for legal reasons thats a joke im a doyoung stan don't come for me) the only weird part is the bridge, with all the voices chiming in, but other than that i like the phillips phillips vibes that remind me of my 2010s era.

[snowandwolves]

lengthy ask anon: omg you actually answered all of those you are amazing wow ty!! i need to reread ch5 now but also just reread the whole thing bc wow what a way to end ❤️

if you'll indulge in more asks? and again feel free to pick and choose whichever you'd like!

was diego's amy named after amy pond? also does bea and d have lengthy doctor who discussions?

does bea not have to be at the lighthouse 24/7 when suzanne's there?

the way you had so much about both bea and ava was beautiful. was it a conscious choice to balance how much we got of each of them?

sixth to the ninth was alternating perspectives but this one was purely from ava's pov (absolutely loved how you write her voice btw!) did you have that planned from the start? what was most fun about writing purely from ava's point of view?

why Norway? ("why not?" is a fair answer lol)

on the flipside, is there a scene that you'd be curious to see from bea's perspective?

oohohoh any missing scenes/scenes you had to cut?

how are you celebrating (and grieving) the end of this magnificent fic?

hi lengthy ask anon, i love this sm so imma go ahead and start answering these 😂

1. I DIDN’T THINK OF THAT ACTUALLY??? BUT OMG THAT’S PERFECT 💀 and also yes, they could probably go hours just talking about it and ava would absolutely nap to the sound of them having debates about it

2. nope! she’s a relief lighthouse keeper, so she only ever works there when suzanne needs her to. which is,,, more times than suzanne cares to admit definitely

3. yep! a conscious choice and an outright struggle lmao but when i planned for this fic to be in ava’s pov, i also planned for both of their backstories plus the scenes that’d make it possible for them to share. i—tbh, i spent an unhinged amount of time just planning this LMAO

4. also yes! i don’t normally write in just one character’s pov, but it seemed fun so i was like whatever 😂 as for what i loved about writing from her perspective, it’s definitely her love for living and the world. that was a major thing in this fic, and it’s the primary reason why i chose to write this in her pov. honorable mentions: her rambly thoughts are so much fun to write, her humor too.

5. ok so i was researching lighthouses and turns out, there aren’t a lot of them that are still manned — most are automated now. but of the places i read about, norway seemed like the one that realistically would have more lighthouses than average. that, and i was going for end of the earth kind of vibe without going all the way to like,,, the north/south pole 😂

6. so many 😭 like so, so many. the storm for one. that walk for the final tasks before they kissed was another. then also her planning to leave with ava. i could go on and on about this 😂

7. also so many 💀 there’s one where ava transfers a piece of penne onto bea’s plate because bea joked “i’ll give you a penne for your thoughts”. the dancing in the epilogue was supposed to be a whole thing. i also have enough fragments for another smut scene. and these are all just,,, in my notes and i have no idea what to do with them LMAO

8. i’m going to periodically cry because i’m so relieved and also so sad that i finished it 😂 and then i’m gonna read all the fics i wasn’t able to read while writing this sakdhsj and then—well, you’ll see 😌

thank you so much for letting me talk about this fic, anon 🥹

[wild-wombytch]

Ok, I'll pin this before shits go insane. The TL;DR is that I'll be temporarily uninstalling social medias so I have no idea whether I'll reply to about everything or when. All the following posts on this blog are queued. I'm probably not leaving radblr, just going on hiatus.

Putting the rest under the cut because I feel the best thing to do is being open-hearted and honest. I want to explain the reasoning nobody cares about behind it and I don't want to spam everyone's dash about this : (TW negativity, mental health, trauma dumping?, personal, pretty lengthy, blah)

I'm definitely overdramatic due to my own mental shits, but I'm getting SERIOUS anxiety from my reply to this post about poverty and middle class.

I don't regret it per se. I almost chose to ignore it because this is a painful topic and those who never experienced it wouldn't believe the amount of spits in the face you get from the middle-class as someone poor in the form of about daily microagressions and what trash you interiorize from it (you don't get much from billionaires because they don't even know we exist and they clearly don't frequent us, they fuck with us as a class but not on an individual level). As everything engaged with emotionally, it can quickly become a bomb. Yet, radblr has made (and still makes, we're all WIP after all) me someone less passive and more inclined to speak up. I'll never be grateful enough for that. So I chose to "woman-up" and make my voice heard. As insignificant as it seems. Because no one can talk for me better than myself.

Maybe it's absolutely nothing for a lot of people (and I guess it objectively IS nothing) but it is ENORMOUS for someone battling crippling anxiety (and I'm not choosing the word "crippling" lightly. My mental health literally gives me such tangible physical pains, gluing themselves to my already existing back issues/arthrodesis that I am physically disabled. I am heavily medicated. I am in a day hospital. I recently genuinely considered asking for a full-time internment in a mental hospital for maybe a month or two because I am becoming dangerous for myself and a burden). I used to be so passive, shy and anxious that I wouldn't voice my opinion at all in fear, that's how I got into the TRA movement so obediently. Exactly the example of Solanas about women completely conditioned out of their female power and inner worlds by their fathers, then becoming the emotional rags and handmaiden of every other men. I'm slowly unlearning that. Participating in something like that was part of the process. I don't know if I dose well. If I should dose and not be too "spicy" at all. Probably not. Radfems showed me the key to my shackles and I'm just starting to understand how it works. Yet, now I'm projecting all of my past experiences on this and fear I'm from one hand encouraged in a direction and going to get my neck broken for it from the other as a punishment. I shouldn't care, yet I still do at this point of my journey.

Again, I'm a mental mess. All is a bit blurry and unreasonable when we talk about anxiety/ptsd. I fear I'm going to get terfed out the terves and cancelled, do to speak. And it is oddly terrifying due to the mess I internalized and how highly and gratefully I look at radfems, with my tendency to idealize.

So when I was about 70% of my reply and I rechecked the whole thread to see it was Tepkunset out of all the Tumblr users I was "siding with"...fuck, did I stutter a nervous laugh. When I made this blog, I made a point to avoid interacting with hers, because I also used (and still do, to some degrees) highly look up to her. Like radfems, she is smart, brave and outspoken and I was all starry-eyed for her. She doesn't know of me and would probably block me on sight now (and probably will if that's not already done by seeing my reply), but she had genuinely been a model to me and got me in social justice and to think deeply about a lot of things, including myself as someone existing within bigger systems. I'm not making shits up when I say she changed the course of my life and I wouldn't be here in my journey if it wasn't for her. It was a process for me to actually embrace "heresy" and accept that I disagreed with her, my icon, about gender issues (which is a shame, because I think if cancel culture wasn't such a thing, she would genuinely be an amazing person to debate with). I've never been into celebs cult but that definitely was a close one. That's why I didn't interact with her blog, other than sometimes paying a visit and reblogging through other blogs as to not be blocked by her. Because I genuinely still respect her and want to hear about her thoughts even if I don't necessarily agree with them anymore, and want to see if she's okay and sometimes I rake my drawers to send money her way when life gets Bad™.

So that's some bullshit irony there that I feel torn in my "loyalties" among people I deeply admire yet disagree with and who themselves probably only intereacted with me anecdotally and know of me as much as they know of the flies in their kitchens. So essentially all that noise is in my head only yet what if I told you my back pains that almost miraculously vanished after seeing an osteopath yesterday just came back and now I can't lay on my back at all, no matter how many painkillers I take? Yes, I'm stressing out that bad over a Tumblr post no one cares about. If it was a telenovela it would be one of these scenes where a character is caught between a fight between their current crush and ex and has to pick a side and gets rightfully dumped by both.

So yeah, it also stirred a lot of things I haven't processed yet about my TRA days and even shittier moments of my life. I definitely wasn't ready for that.

I also genuinely internalized that I shine in society by not being very smart or useful or assertive like the women I admire so much. I'm not even sure about what I write, because I have no inner voice, my thoughts happen as I voice them, my brain is barren cotton, a perpetual state of dream. I don't know which of my memories are exact and which are dreams and past thoughts. I have amnesia of full discussions I had and consents I gave and I am completely stunned when people prove me I said something, because, in all good faith, I have not a shred of memory. Maybe a drop of a hazy memory you'd have in a dream. My past self and my current self both seem unreal, like other people. So I stick to ideas I have of my identity, shards of it, labels. I fiercely defend them because they are the only sense of self I perceive at all. Because I don't even feel human outside of thel. So I still have the same fear as during my TRA days that a breeze can make everything crumble. Most women here are very bright, it would take nothing to unmask the lack of ability I have to counter, to emotionally rein myself in, to construct a consistent data-based retort. That's why I was afraid of radfems in my TRA days already.

Anyway, that plus my irl social life being toxic currently makes me cope by going on social medias, which I know are awful for my mental health, yet I persist inflicting that on myself. There are several medical leaves at the day hospital so I'm ~aLoNe~ with my shits. Then you know the shit circle of life it is : not sleeping, not eating, being more anxious, sleeping less, being more anxious, eating less, reflecting too deeply on which way of sabotaging myself is the most reasonable...

So radical times call for radical measures. I'm deleting temporarily all of my apps instead of seeing notifications all the time and obsessively checking if everyone hates me yet or if nobody cares and pondering which is worse by looking at a wall for a whole day trying to not think about SH. That's stupid, and cowardly and pathetic and unfair towards people who reads me and puts thoughts in their replies and it's many other ugly things probably. But if I don't I'll implode. I just want to break the circle of feeling like shit and back pains that ruin my life so I can get back on my legs and maybe tackle one thing at a time. And I quite literally need to touch grass, even if I don't want to see anyone in my irl circles for now.

I don't know if any of this made sense. I'd probably also regret dumping all that tomorrow. Sedation is finally starting to work, so I guess that's why I m so talkative so I'll surf on it, post this, delete everything and pray I'll also forget about this until it randomly pops into my mind and gives me an existential crisis 20y from now. Should I even be given a right to vote and access to internet until I'm fixed? Are those rights part of the reconstruction process and of creating a sense of self?

Idk, I'm just tired. I wish you all well during this time. Radblr is wonderful despite occasional disagreements. I hope we can still be sisters after that and hope you won't think less of me. If you do, well, you're probably right, I also think less of myself every time I dare to exist and open the mouth. I am also the daughter of my father, after all, so I have plenty of reasons to think I deserve my own hatred and other people's.

I said I needed to be honest and open hearted so I've been. That's also why it's the over sharing website I guess? Here's a random gif to conclude this because I don't know what else to say and this is all fairly embarrassing:

[bookishtheaterlover7]

👸- I'm breaking my rule of not talking about them for a hot second. I know this is lengthy, but I have a lot to say about how they are trying to drum up media by using fans.

It just occured to me we, the fans whoever is left, were used again. They saw pur comments about not giving them attention and adjusted thier strategy.

We all saw the photos discusses for maybe 180 minutes and then moved on. We all know they gave us what we all said last tine was missing/odd down to her out of place (we assume cause no one could actually see the dress) outfit and ridiculous heels to a "loving" hand hold flashing the ring.

But we all went theres a picture of before a possible kiss and after a possible kiss. But somehow they missed the money shot which many of us saw as in they didnt or whatever. Then we moved on to other topics and Then 24 hours later we get a video with 2 kisses and the video of said walking out.

THE PICTURE AND VIDEO OF THE KISS WAS HELD DELIBERTLY.

They did this deliberately to make sure fans talk about them for longer. Otherwise the picture of the kiss would have been released with all the others.

They did this because fans said that they arent going to give them and the poop show attention so it can go away faster. So what do thier teams do? Split up the relases. Usually outlets would have both whoever the pics were sold too usually gers the video but regardless the video is usually released at the same time.

And robert patterson who isnt media shy with his significant other went out the back to try and leave privately while the couple that says they are private didn't find a private way to leave.

chris and ebola waited infront of the glass in a weird position then give us those two very loving kisses. (I hope you all can detect my tone here)

We all saw her smirk and Chris' other language fans know so well. And if his body language starts changing again we will know it's because we all discussed it and the lurkers saw. If his body language doesnt change, that's a point in the win collum of it bejng true. Go ship. So congratulations, we all believe it is now true love!

The truth is no amount of papwalks can convince us anything other than someone seriously is holding something over Chris because I dont see any other reason why he's being forced to change to sell it. Its one thing to show up places, but having them try and act more like a couple from him is also another sign that its a sham. We have what 2 years' worth of videos to watch how they interact to compare to, so stop trying to give notes it makes everyone looks worse.

Real couples don't change what they wear and how they hold hands and act based on what fans say. Why because its idotic to do so no one wants to pretend to be aomeone they're nkt and destroys relationships as you can be who you are. And while im assuming that was gunna be the break uo angle- blame it on the fans you can't this time. Why?

This time you can blame his fans because its not just his fans the gen public online isn't buying thany of this bull 💩. That is based on Instagram comments and website comments all which have been limited/turned off the ability to comment.

After Britney Spears being forced to say she's fine for media ( a totally diffrent aituation minus that she was forced to lie that she is ok) and after Will smith and Jada revealed theyve seen seperated for 6 years but pretend theyre together for media reasons, people don't believe a lot of what's 'saud' ??and they especially dont believe/m and questjjn Hollywood couples like they used to

I have been so proud of the fandom or rather what is left to getting rid of the lablels and limiting our discussions.

Regardless if its her pr team CAA's team who is not only Chris' (as they are invested and actually have a distribution type role (i forget the exact name) in her new movie i teams really just proved how fake everything is and that they are lurking otherwise why would everything we all said across milti platforms tumblr, instagram and lipstick queen was suddenly included in this walk.

Do you want us to be convinced it's really a real relationship and they are just in the media to drum up press for thier releases?

(She had a movie that opened 2 days ago over seas)

Do you want to prove they are a real couple?

Then don't release ANYTHING for the next 2 months. No pap walks no reels no photos no stories, no magazine or website blurbs or sources, and no photos carousel of even Dodger. Her movies is released in 2 more places one in the end of January. The other was supposed to be in February but when I just checked the date was removed. Othwewise I expect to see another dog and pony show on or around January 27th.

If we get nothing for two months including Valentine’s day and this included blurbs in mags/online or "sources". Putting nothing out there it will go a long way to convince people that they are a private couple and they are together.

If not and we get one as planned on or around the 27th....

The truth is that her career is a non starter in the usa/north america. Not everyone makes it here- we all have seen way too much of her and since that didnt get any media coverage of that scandle nothing will really get her talken about minus 1 thing:

a REAL break up article

His career is close to being the same. We all see how Chris looks and the diffrent man he is now. Some are still holding out hope that well once again see the man who tweeted if you hang out with racists you are a racist even a charity wants nothing to do with him and he did do a lot for them, we all see that and that. That's why chris' career will dissapear or be on the c or d list as the man who used to be thst superhwro guy. My Point is:

IF YOU CONTINUE TO USE FANS LIKE THIS he won't have a career to go back to and all you press agents will be dropped because he wont have mkney to spend on people.. people who helped his career go down in flames. The only way he'll really be talked about for more thsn 300 minutes is if there is a break up article with truths

Otherwise we'll see you both again at the end of January and Chris will be told to adjust/change what he did wrong.... at least hollywoof knows he can take direction... we'll see the photos first sent to obscure blogs/accounts, then an outlet and then apprently video follows the photos now because you are all THAT desperate

P.S. it's a great choice to have him get makeup done makeup job on He looks a lot healthier (no one is buying that he actually changed that much in such a small amount of time is he wearing the new Prada or Dior foundation?)

No need for me to add anything else... 👸 said her peace, and damn is it everything and beautiful!

[precious-little-scoundrel]

So now that I finally devoured A Whole Man is Hard to Find on AO3 (and am very much looking forward to more) I do have a couple of questions: first, how old is Rosey? I picture Elvis as being in his mid-thirties in this and was picturing Rosey to be in her early twenties but realize that I might be wrong. Second, I'm a little confused by something that might have been addressed but I may have missed. Rosey and Elvis are technically married as of the last chapter, even if it was more of a business transaction rather than a romantic gesture, but it's mentioned that Elvis doesn't want to fully consummate the relationship out of a marriage bed. Was their court ceremony retconned or does Elvis not see their marriage as real yet? I imagine he also doesn't want to consummate the marriage yet because he doesn't want to risk getting Rosey pregnant and is also dealing with a lot of internalized shame surrounding his sexual history.

Gosh that’s one large and heavy meal, I’m so flattered you’ve gotten through it all and I can’t wait to finally update it. I’m still working on eighteen, I’ve not forgotten. 🙈 Oh how I love these sorts of questions.

Ok so her age, I am terrible at choosing a date and sticking to it for this AU, I want to cram too many 1870’s things into one year to make it ever viable so I’ve kept the year -and hence the ages- a bit nebulous for a reason. But. It’s pretty easily surmised -it’s been right about a decade since the war ended. 65-75. Which means I do imagine Rosey to be just into her twenties at this point, and an odd combination of oddly hardened for the young age and terribly sheltered due to being stuck on the plantation and deprived of social interactions.

As for CP, it’s mentioned he got into the war quite young, im thinking sixteen or so, and applying the same math, by wars end, he’d be around twenty. Quite young, as he’d need to be for the life and occupation he embarked on post war. So that would land him at early thirties now. But again, I left it nebulous (even began it as a reader insert) the better for y’all to pick which age you wanted to imagine, so, do what you will with this.

As for the marriage -yes, this is entirely hinging on Elvis’ view of it and has rather religious logic behind it. They married in a strictly civil ceremony for the expressed purpose of shifting assets to her name. Hardly, in his idealized imagination, the sort of thing you marry for. Marriage in his mind is swearing before God to love and take care of someone, not for profit or the swapping of gain, and worse yet, yes, consummation could lead to pregnancy which he’s already got a poor history with, it would also cement the marriage as more than a bargain and he’s not sure she’s fully aware of how awful her position as “Mrs Presley” will/would be when this whole scandal breaks. Which he assumes Parker will make it break and splatter it across the papers, it would then be safer for her, he estimates, to not be so entangled, much less pregnant when her husband’s in danger of being hung for past crimes.

So, there’s that and a significant amount of self loathing due to past history mixed into this more selfless logic, combine that with the fact he never really took this change of events into account for his life and, well, it takes a stubborn and dogged man like that a minute to adjust to make a spot for her by his side and in his life in the ways that matter -which would be, taking her before God.

So, no he doesn’t consider them technically married, as he told her even, but watch him be wishy washy on that score because he keeps falling deeper in love and he’s proud she’s his wifey even if she’s not fully his wifey and he’s possessive and she glows when he calls her that and …he’s a mess, pray for him.

WELL THAT WAS LENGTHY. Thank you for asking, I’m always down for blabbing about my intent. 😉💋

[kanmom51]

Like so many of us ARMYs, I’m concerned about how enlistment is going to affect each of the members, but here, especially how it will affect Jikook. None of them have been apart from each other for that long in 10 years, & for a couple, particularly a gay couple, I can’t imagine the amount of anxiety & pressure they must be feeling. Never having been in a relationship where one member (or both) are serving, I have no experience to draw on. I’m hoping they all come back healthy in all ways, and that Jimin & Jungkook emerge as solid as they seem to be now. Based on your lengthy observation of Jikook, what are your thoughts/concerns? I realize it’s speculation for you too, just thought maybe you’ll have something to share that I’ve missed. Also, do you think Sungwoon’s enlistment is partly the reason Jimin has become quiet again? That it’s had a sobering affect on him, that is. Thank you for always taking these questions, & giving your thoughtful answers.

Hey there. Sorry it took me so long to get back to you. I've been so busy lately, and it's probably a good think I was, helps deal with them being so absent lately, lol.

*Disclaimer: Before I start here, these are all my very personal feelings about the issue. It's not an easy subject and some might rather not read this or disagree with me, which is more than fine. But if you do decide to join the discussion, because I do think this will be the start of one, then keep it civil.

Anyway, to your question. Or questions actually.

I'll start by mentioning, once again, that I served in the army. I did 2 years of service. I know about military service, discipline, hardships.

Like you I worry about them all. Military in SK is different, harsher than what we know of. As far as soldiers' individual rights they are eons behind.

Hazing is still a thing, and even if there are laws against physical hazing there is still much of the psychological stuff going on, and to some extent that could be even worse.

You have rank and seniority hierarchy too.

And I can imagine small small people loving the idea of having such seniority over a member of BTS, those "rich uppity up brats" (their envy talking, not me).

So I worry about them all.

But out of all 7 I worry most for the maknae line and for Hobi.

Idk, maybe I'm wrong, but I feel that Jin, RM and Suga will be ok, they will handle it. It's the age, it's the maturity, it's their vibe.

Hobi I worry about. He's been showing us lately who he is, been more open about it, and I fear that might bring on some unwanted attention or behaviours towards him.

Same or even more so where JM is concerned. Add to that his chronic pain.

Don't get me wrong. These are two very strong determined young men. They have more internal strength than we could ever imagine. Look what they ALL went through to get where they have. Fighting through doubts on the way, persevering even when thinking of throwing in the towel. But they had a support system around them. They had each other to lean on, to turn to, and even if they didn't open up or seek the help, it was there for them. Here, most likely, they will be on their own. If and until they make friends they will have to deal with it all on their own.

JK, he should be fine as far as the physical. He'll manage the discipline too. He might be a non conformist but he knows discipline. He'll manage. I worry about him because of how hard it will be for him to be apart from JM. It's the being apart and it's the worrying on his part for JM. Good thing they are allowing them to use their phones now in the afternoons.

As I mentioned, they know discipline. That's nothing new to them. But this is different discipline. JK will manage. Being the youngest had it's perks but also it's disadvantages, and one of them will now make it easier for him to endure in the army.

And here come in my worries for Tae. Because Tae ain't good with authority. Tae is a free spirit. An alien of sorts, lol. Does what he wants when he wants, and that ain't gonna fly in the military. Add to that his mental struggles, I just can't help but really worry for him. There are people that do ok in the army and there are those that just don't fit the mould. Tae, in my opinion, doesn't fit the mould. And he won't have JM or Hobi to be there with him, to support him, to get him. I do hope he's in a happy place relationship wise at the moment, something that may ease it, or on the other hand may make it harder.

Hey, I'm not even finished yet, shit.

The emotional aspect. They are all very open with their emotions (well JM a little less open with us but aware of his own). One thing I have heard from men that have gone through service in Korea is how the army 'killed' them emotionally. They speak of how they used to cry prior to army and don't anymore. Knowing these young men, it breaks my heart to think they might have to go through that. I don't want them to have to go through that.

And I know they are famous. They are BTS. But in the army they are private Jeon or corporal Kim (when they reach that rank). And although there are those that say "the army know how important they are and won't allow anything bad happen to them", well the army can't control every soldier with seniority over them. The army can't control the disgusting behaviours we've heard of from other idols that have gone through service (taking their photos in the shower is one of them), nor can they control the hardships these young men go through, the emotional turmoil they go through, including Korea sweethearts like Taemin.

So yes, I'm worried about their well being. Physical and mental.

You ask if I think JM and JK's relationship can survive this?

My answer to that is a definite yes.

Won't be easy. Will be very hard. They have been with each other constantly for years now. And even when apart, it's only for a few days at a time and not very often. Being apart for such long periods of time will be hard. But it's doable, especially for them. These two, they are so in love with each other, totally committed to each other (and for those who mock these words I say mock away, we see it, the love, the commitment).

I don't know what it's like serving while your partner is waiting at home, but I do know what it's like being the partner at home while the one you love is serving and away from home. It's hard, it takes a lot of you, but when the relationship is strong although it's hard to be apart it also gives you the hope and strength needed to get through the hardships.

I can tell you that one thing that does happen, again, when the relationship is a good strong loving one, is that distance makes the heart fonder... The days he was back on leave...nah, too private...

And if my example is not enough, take military deployments overseas. US soldiers, as an example, leaving their loved ones, partners, children, at times for months or even over a year at a time, deployed on the other side of the world. Yes, there will be relationships that won't survive it, but a strong love, a strong stable committed relationship survives that too. And at times, when everything is over, can come out on the other side even stronger.

So, bottom line is, that I do believe they will be ok, their relationship will be ok. They will get through this maybe even better and stronger on the other side.

*Side note: I don't know about us though. I don't know how we'll survive them being away for such a long time. 😭 Unlike each other, they won't be texting us or talking to us in the afternoons, lol.

Now to you question about JM becoming quiet again...

Wait, when hasn't he been quiet over the past couple of years? I mean, he shows himself once in a while, but he's definitley not one of the more active members.

I'm sure Sungwoon's enlistment has it's effects on him, you know, making everything even more real for him. But I think JM has been preparing himself (they all have) for enlistment since the start of 2021. Mentally and physically. And I KNOW that no matter how well you think you ready yourself it's never enough, and his friend actually going to the army would effect him, but I don't think it's as you put it "a sobering effect on him". He knows it's coming. He saw Taemin go, he saw what happened to Taemin (I'd think that would have been scarier).

Anyways, hope I answered your questions. Feel free to comment or DM me, if you prefer, if you have other questions.

I'll end on this optimistic note:

These are 7 amazing strong young men. Even if they aren't together physically, they know they have people who love and care for them that will be waiting out there for them to give them all the love and support they might need (and this includes each other). They will get through this. Hopefully easier rather than harder. And when we get to see them on the other side, they will have had more life experience to write their music about. They will return to stage with a fire, a determination, and with a weight lifted off their shoulders. The weight of expectations. They will be free. Not owing anyone anything.

They will be ok.

[dhyanshiva]

Announcement

Posted and Pinned: 07.11.2023

Hi, so the short of it is that I will not be writing from February of 2024. This naturally means that by extension I will not be posting anything after 02.2024.

I will be uploading a standalone something on 20.11.23 and the final installment of 'the pool' series by the end of January. At most.

Note: I will not be clearing out my AO3 or disowning any existing works. The profile will remain on the platform as it is.

I will remain on socials, though, all platforms (to DM, serious post and shitpost as per usual). Yet to get used to discord because I haven't used it often but yeah.

Further explanation of this decision sits under the cut if you want to know more beyond this. It's a tad lengthy than is necessary but... whatever.

Going cold turkey is arguably worse. I think.

(I have tried to keep a rein on my... descriptions. Apologies if I have offended anyone, I did not mean to in the least)

CW// some swearing and overall negativity tbf

Right, so. After finally wrapping up a long term commitment on 30.10.23, I decided to give this decision, the finalisation of this announcement some time, aware that I could be thinking in haste or in some sort of reverb from all that. I have, however, been contemplating wiping my AO3 for a long while, so this has stemmed in some ways from that consideration.

Again, this will not be happening because the pieces on there are markers for me and apparently a source of escape for others. Some older pieces still get interacted with, which, while it mystifies me, is not my place to judge or question that.

The reasoning

Ok so no more faffing about.

Simply put, I'm in a lot of pain, have been for a long while. Longer than I wanted to admit to myself, even.

Work - Expression recently has been dominated by S1 of Cla$$ (Netflix India, 2023). Self evident. However, there's a range of storylines and plots that I have completely ignored - sidelined, disregarded, call it what you will - and remained... fixated on a select few. Chief of those being the highly subjective experience of grief and loss.

Yes, the running thread and temporal back and forth is rooted in the "investigation" of the central character's murder but let's be honest here.

Like... is it really that deep or had I leapt of the deep end preemptively?

Looking over at my AO3 now fills me with a strange sense of revulsion and incredulity. Apart from "Rise", I honestly cannot claim to have exercised or demonstrated any creativity. Nor has any catharsis that I so desperately hoped to 'achieve' been... achieved.

(Even in Rise itself, the graphic descriptions have no grounds - I ask myself more so now, how necessary was all that? Was it respectful, was it justified? The answer to these three, in my eyes is no.) I could've taken an implicit route but.. didn't.

So all of this, to what end? Just constantly relentlessly mixing canon with extrapolated and distorted amounts of pain. Some of it being my own. My perception of the reality of canon was unfortunately completely skewed by my own state of mind and carrying that forward, to me, was unacceptable beyond a certain point. Which I believe I have long since crossed.

The aforementioned October - end commitment has depleted me, had been leeching from me the whole while and has left me spent. I don't have energy for normalcy let alone the absurdity that is my "creativity".

The pieces I've written for my eyes only are also just... what the fuck. Truly some wild stuff. I have many issues, scattered liberally across these documents.

And all the ideas I have for existing WIPs sit on one hell of a spectrum. Some of my plotlines and dialogue ideas terrify and horrify even me - and trust me, my angst and pain threshold is unusually high. I cannot, with whatever conscience I have left, dig my claws into characters that aren't my intellectual property, nor can I inflict such harm on the characters that are mine and THEN put all that out into the world.

Nope. I'm quite the miserable and depressed cunt, frankly, but that's my problem, it doesn't have to be anyone else's.

I don't have it in me to continue writing for any media or for myself. I cannot imagine, envision, I cannot plan, I cannot create. I can't and am apprehensive to express myself with this medium because the extent of the abyss is unknown even to me and that is unacceptable. To me.

Until I can begin to heal from some long-standing things, I cannot hope. I cannot infuse a requisite and consistent amount of optimism, joy, love, peace in my writing.

Nothing that sustains, only demands, demands and destroys.

Unfortunately, I am not that talented to write from a separate space. Not in the least.

I can project till kingdom come, but consistently pummeling a narrative with unbridled agony is something I have no right to do. And the output you see is still highly filtered; no I don't ask you to imagine the starting point of it all. Highly unpleasant and triggering, to say the least.

I have to be healthier first for myself and then for my craft. And that's a long, long, non - linear and arduous journey.

Right, so, given that language and communication is something I rely heavily on, it's not that the ideas won't keep jostling about in my mind, but I won't put pen to paper, finger to keyboard for them.

I have experienced long bouts of writer's block and this is most definitely not that, by the way.

I do not have the capacity to find new media, God forbid my infliction on them too (so best avoided for the greater good).

Round off

(status updates as of date of posting: 07.11.23)

Ok so if this has made a modicum of sense (I'm just rawdogging this in the drafts, I can't touch my Notes app or GDOCs), I am going to confirm that of my existing ones, only "the pool" will get its... closure. Or whatever the fuck you'll call what is going down in P3. Sorry. In advance but also generally for the series.

[I mean let's be for fucking real here okay? I can't do, well * gestures * all that, INCLUDING ripping out the staircase scene for an important pair of characters' 'closure' and not at least attempt to justify all of it, I don't think]

DOS, though planned in its entirety will not be completed and its summary will be altered to indicate this.

The LIF series too, will only have two pieces and its completion status will be changed to 'yes' - it has these characters outlined, their respective docs buried:

The rest of the Manzoor family

Dhruv

Veer

Sharan

Suhani

Neeraj

Yep. That's about it. Nothing more, nothing less. If you wanted a rough idea on how any of these was going to traspire, feel free to DM me. Any and all queries will be addressed.

This announcement post will be linked to my 20.11.23 and Jan - mid / end upload and to my AO3 profile itself.

My Spotify Profile:

Conclusion

This is about it, at least without turning this into some even longer vent and woe betide me "fuck my life" rant when there are far far worse things happening around us. Also without being too transparent and TMI because... well duh.

Still, fairly long, I know. And I'm sorry for the same.

Last but most certainly not least,

Thank you for reading this, any of my work, and a sincere, specific thank you again - always indebted - to (you know exactly who you are) the wonderful people I've had the distinct honour of being introduced to via my writing endeavours.

Much love,

Dhyan x

P.S. what do you know, I've written this whole thing in English, no Hindi, Kannada or the unexpected German! I can in fact write in only English, just decided to be a nuisance in my pieces!

[If this ever changes, it will be unpinned accordingly x]

[pb-dot]

Hiya this is Athena for @ask-a-thon, Thursday edition: How are you, how's the wips going and is there anything you want to ramble about?

Thanks for the ask!

Today has been a good day for writing but not a great day for my wip unfortunately. I've mostly been concentrating my efforts on getting my Film Friday entry for this week done as well as chipping away that the monstrous, ever-growing review of the Barbie Movie that I'm working on. I'm mostly just trying to get all the thoughts about that film out of my system so I can spend some much-needed processing power on actually working on my damn book.

It turns out that my thoughts on the Barbie movie are a bit of a mess because there's so much good craft in that movie, and the main Barbie plot is nothing short of groundbreaking stuff, but I feel like the movie stumbles on a couple of its B-plots and kludges around with them enough that it feels like the fresh exciting barbie film I greatly enjoy is being weighted down by the albatross of corporate-mandated #girlboss stuff. Probably won't be able to hold back on the spoilers much longer, so I'll put in a cut here.

Like it is just about driving me to drink that Will Ferrel's Mattel CEO character at one point states that he values the True Values of Barbie more than the profits from the Kendom Takeover, and we're apparently supposed to take that seriously? This is nothing short of axiomatically impossible. The job of a CEO is by definition to drive and collect profit, and perhaps if they're decent keeping their doings within the realms of the legal. If a CEO does anything outside of the above, they do that as private persons and not as CEOs.

Not Ferrel's character though, he chooses values over profit as a CEO to his board of directors, and he doesn't even receive a glance as pushback. I was mostly reading it as a joke, as it read similarly to his clumsy "wokewashing" of his all-male C-suite for the company about women for girls earlier in the film. But no, that was apparently a line that we were meant to take seriously, at least as a character development moment for the character to show up as Mr. Reasonable Status Quo for the finale. Oh, Mattel will absolutely not stop their consumerism-driving practices and corpo bullshit, and if they're considering letting a woman on the board they're not saying, but they'll market #relatable Barbies. Diversity Win, the doll you bought for your daughters for entirely too much money has depression now.

And that's not getting into the kind of nothing the Ken subplot ends by. To be fair, yes this is a movie primarily about Barbie, and I'm not going to sit on the same side as the chuds of the world who decry how terrible this movie is to men. No, my main concern is that the movie seems almost terminally incurious about what new status quo the story has brought about. Ok, the January 6th insurrection-type takeover of Barbieland by Kens was thwarted, good, great, in favor of that, but the ending essentially goes "and nothing will fundamentally change in Barbieland because of this," which is a bit of a reach to me. Sure, as a more ideal eternal idea realm, it's not like I expected lengthy legal procedures and court hearings or anything, but surely it is pretty bleak to go "Oh, this problem that clearly existed before the current crisis isn't a problem anymore because the crisis is over."

This is veering into Ken apologia, but frankly, I blame Gosling, who adds a surprising amount of pathos to the lost little boy Ken who tries to find himself in a relationship with a woman who just isn't into him like that. Granted, he ends up temporarily finding himself in the role of douchebag manosphere influencer whose sheer masculinity cargo cult influence just about brings about the end of his world, so perhaps some sort of consequence is in order. It could also very well be that some of my frustration is that Ken arguably doesn't suffer any consequences, as I don't count "even after all of that she's not into you dude" as a consequence, it's just a thing that continues to be true.

I could continue. I'm probably going to continue in the review. Check it out if I ever finish that cursed thing.

[arizonaconservativegal]

Ok but why the HELL has nothing been done in the last 2 years to fix AZ's ballot counting system? Now we may not see results until after the weekend??? Even if this is all due to incompetence rather than malice, you can't sneer at those who have lost trust in the democratic process in your state due to lack of transparency about just what the hell is going on.

Ok the very short explanation is that we count early ballots that were dropped off on election day last and the last two elections have had more of those than ever before. We also have historically had elections with a more decisive margin much earlier on and the early ballot election day drop offs didn't look terribly different from the rest of the electorate so they didn't have a big impact on final totals. The last two elections have not followed that pattern.

Here's the long version:

By statute, we begin counting early ballots that arrive early a couple weeks before election day and those totals are released at 8pm election night. We also count traditional in person voting (as in, you go into a voting booth and fill out your ballot on site) as they come in on election day so those numbers also go out at 8pm.

After that, we begin counting the "late earlies," which are the ballots that were mailed or dropped off right before election day. Please note that these are not mail ballots that arrived after 7pm on election day - those are invalid and not counted - just the ones that arrived maybe the day before the election rather than a week before.

The reason we start counting early arrival mail in ballots so early is because it takes a lot of time to verify signatures, process the ballots, then tabulate them. The two week head start gives us time for that before the first results drop on election night. Late earlies don't take any longer but they do not have that head start so it takes a few days to get through them all.

After those, we start on the election day ballot drop offs. Those go through the same lengthy verification process as the mailed early ballots. Obviously those cannot be started before election day even if we wanted to because the election office is not physically in possession of them before election day.

Again, normally those aren't a significant portion of the vote so we don't necessarily notice that they take a few days to get through. But the last two elections have been very different. Fear over mail in ballots have resulted in more people bringing their ballot to the polls to drop them off in person on election day. Those fears are also largely limited to Republican voters so those ballots massively favor Republican candidates. This is why Democrats got a big lead in the initial results (driven by early arrival mail in votes) and we have picked up steam as the count goes on. This year the in person voting turnout wasn't quite as strong for Republicans as usual so the difference was especially pronounced Tuesday night.

This year we also had a snafu in Maricopa County with counting in person votes as they came in so we're a little behind on those and catching up now. That is also contributing to the larger than expected lead Dems had on Tuesday night. As far as I can tell, that was sheer incompetence. It happens sometimes. It doesn't make it okay and we absolutely need to address that failure to make sure it doesn't happen again but if it is unreasonable to act like you can eliminate all human error from any process that humans are involved in. The best we can do is prepare and then learn from mistakes.

All that said, the state and especially Maricopa county should have figured out how to beef up their operations and get those late earlies and day of drop offs counted in a reasonable amount of time. I'm willing to give them a pass on 2020 because that was unusual and I can understand they wouldn't have expected what they got but they should have known to expect it by now.

I do want to be fair and stress that a lot of the delay comes from procedures that are defined in Arizona state law, not something the elections offices cooked up themselves. We probably need to take another look at those laws but the elections offices cannot make those changes on their own. We've passed some election integrity fixes that are good policy steps but unfortunately none of them related to the speed of the counting processes. And I have to say that a lot of time was wasted arguing over things that were never really problems in the first place.

I will also say that Maricopa county in particular has not done a good job communicating all this. They have gotten defensive and I understand why they feel that way but that doesn't excuse it. Stephen Richer actually started his tenure with extremely good communication procedures but he seems to have run out of patience after dealing with the audit. I also get the sense that he's been on the inside just a little too long and lost some of the perspective he came into office with, to his detriment. That's a real shame and I do not believe he will be able to make the changes that he needs to make in his department. It wouldn't be fair to lay all of this at his feet, but his managerial skills are not what I would have hoped for him. I hope that his replacement will be up to the task.

[moonys-bf]

ok so i just got home and turns out everything is going to shit so lengthy vent post bc i don't want to burden anyone with this bullshit so interact or not i don't really care

tw for death mentions and general shitty parenting

i've never been more tired in my life like i can physically feel myself deteriorating bc i barely sleep these days, i ate maybe like hardly a full meal today and apparently that's too much but at least i'm semi hydrated but i have headaches all the time and i always feel like im going to pass out bc im just so fucking stressed like i got too much on my plate but i cannot drop shit or else i'm screwed

like this college application shit, it's enough going through it the normal way but i literally am taking ten thousand extra steps just to protect myself adn to get into college on my onw terms because that's too much to fucking ask for some reason

and it's not even just college like it's literally my only way out of this house and situation and it's been my only way out for as long as i can remember and nwo that i'm so close to it, everything is going so so wrong and the only thing keeping me going rn is the fact that i'm not going to die in this fucking house and stay a second longer than i have to

like i don't know if this amount of stress will ever have an end and it's literally all because my parents can't find it in themselves to be decent fucking people like some of these effects are lifelong and i'm just going to have to live with that and it's not even because of anything i did and i've just had to come to terms with that

i just want to go to sleep for longer than 4 hours so fucking bad but no. literally never. and even worse i'm skipping meals wihtout knowing it like the other day i went so long without eating adn i hardly noticed until i actually sat down adn thought about it and it's just so bad it's so bad i just want to fucking go to college

but yk i'll be fine nothing's going to happen i'm just so fed up and tired of everything and i hate that life has to be like this for me because i never fucking did anything to go through this i never asked for these parents or to be trans but i am and now i gotta deal with it

im seriously not expecting anyone to read this i just had to get it out there for my own sanity but if someone actually is reading this do not worry too hard i'll be okay

[randomboo256]

Adventure Time Mini-"Review"

This "review" is just a simple Twitter thread I made earlier. I like it, so I decided to repost it here, mainly so it's in a better text format.

I just finished watching Adventure Time (at least the original 10 seasons anyway). The best possible term for this show is "mixed bag". When the show is at it's best, it's an absolutely incredible must-see show. At it's worst, it's borderline unwatchable garbage.

The first few seasons (like 1 to 4-ish) were just kinda a mediocre kids show that has the occasional episode that really stands out as either really good or kinda bad. Even as a kid, I just thought it was pretty meh, but I did like the show enough to watch it on occasion.

The middle seasons (5-6) are when the show hits it's "difficult to watch era" (especially when to comes to Season 5). For some ungodly reason, those two seasons were ridiculously long. While there were still fantastic episodes and they're better than ever before, they felt fewer and further between than before. Meanwhile, there are many that are flat out horrible episodes, and even in the mid ones, our main characters are in their least likable forms. Additionally, some things...like a certain painfully unfunny lemon man... got way more screen time than they deserved. Despite my ranting though, most of the episodes were just mid. Overall, 5-6 were ok-ish, but god the show felt like it was dragging through this era. It felt like the writers were surprised with the insanely long season orders and they had to desperately stretch to fill those seasons out.

For what it's worth, most of that complaining was addressed to Season 5, and so I will say that Season 6 at the very least was a big improvement over Season 5, even if it still shared similar problems.

The final seasons (7-10) is when the season orders were dramatically reduced back to sane amounts, and the writing immediately felt improved. It helps that's also when the show became fully serialized, and that kind of writing works so much better with an "ADVENTURE" show. Those four seasons felt so laser-focused on interesting concepts and emotionally meaningful themes, all while fully embracing the interesting lore the series had been very slowly building up, and finally answering some hard hitting questions in lengthy and satisfying ways.

The late era of Adventure Time truly is an incredible show that is worth watching. The only major issue I have is that I can't recommend it on it's own. You have to watch most of 1-6 first to appreciate it, and I'm not just talking about lore relevant episodes. The show is a package deal. It's like Lucky Charms: you can't just take the out the marshmallows and eat them. Well, I mean you can, but they won't taste as good without the proper context surrounding them.

Like I said, it's a mixed bag.

However...

I like Lucky Charms, and I also like this show. It's not perfect, by any means, but there is a certain charm to it (no pun intended😉). I do recommend this show.

That said, do not eat it all in one sitting, like I did.

That much candy is bad for your health.