#there was a point in time where there were more musical stage adaptions of Ace Attorney than there were animated adaptions

[carmypen]

They made the Ace Attorney video games and two separate groups of fans and two different Japanese theater groups all went, “Hey this would be great as a stage musical.”

They were right.

[wickedscribbles]

Ziva and Obi-Wan’s Wedding

I know that I didn’t go into too much detail in the epilogue, but I wanted the honeymoon to be the main focal point for those first two chapters. So here’s a headcanon with a little more information of what the night was like! 

Masterlist, Taglist

Pairing: Obi-Wan Kenobi x Ziva Courtee 

Rating: General

Tags: fluff!

Word Count: 929

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Okay okay so I spent way too long trying to figure out what they would wear, and even saved a folder of possibilities to my PC, so now you get to see them 

This is an Indian bridal lehenga, and I think they are so gorgeous. (Please correct me if that’s not what they’re called.) I had the link to this one in particular via Etsy, but it looks like the listing’s been taken down, and I can’t find the seller. I looked at dozens of them, but this one in particular was the biggest inspiration for what I had in my head for Ziva’s wedding outfit. It’s a little on the simpler side as far as lehenga go, but still stunning. 

Of course I gave Obi-Wan a shoulder cape. I am a slut for shoulder capes. Probably all the hours I spent playing the Assassin’s Creed: Ezio Trilogy and watching that broody beautiful man hop around the top of buildings sporting one, but I digress. Obi-Wan’s is inlaid with the symbol of the Jedi Order, and he probably never has a reason to wear it again, but he quite likes it. 

OKAY LISTEN I struggled here. Okay? I was riding the struggle bus. Googling for over an hour. I knew --- AND I STILL KNOW -- what I’m imagining when I’m thinking about the suit thing I think he’s wearing. But I have absolutely no idea what it’s called and this is the closest I could get and I’m so frustrated. So here you go. Still quite dashing. (My husband just kept asking, “A bellhop? You want him to look like a bellhop?” 😤😤😤 NOOO I want him to look like a PRINCE it’s his WEDDING)

Okay, onto the wedding itself. 

Yes, Anakin went through the steps to legally marry a couple on Coruscant. He did not ask “can I be the officiant at your wedding”. He said “so when I officiate at your wedding --” and then made sad eyes when Obi-Wan and Ziva looked mildly confused. So that’s how that happened 😂

Luke was in a very “clingy-for-Dad” stage at the time, so he was on Anakin’s hip the entire time. Not that anyone really minded ❤

Padme and her handmaiden Dorme took the assignment of fashion consultants very seriously. She tried her best to incorporate the best of both of their planet’s cultural styles into what they wore while still keeping the designs subtle enough for a Jedi to wear (”Even if it is your wedding day,” she said, only half joking.). 

It was a small gathering with only close friends in attendance, but held in a nice public courtyard on the upper levels. Anakin, Ahsoka, Padme, Luke, Leia, Stass, Rex, Cody, Riyo Chuchi, a few more assorted clones and Jedi, etc. were there. But anyone who felt like stopping by could. 

The ceremony happened at sunset. No they didn’t cry, you can’t prove it yes they did

They stared at each other with heart eyes for most of the time. When they met in front of their officiant (instead of the bride walking up the aisle in a traditional Earth wedding, they meet from either side at the same time, from stage left and right, if that makes sense) the first thing Obi-Wan did was cup her face in both hands and say, “Oh, sweetheart. You’re so stunning. Look at you.” before Anakin could get a word in. 

There were no gifts, and no major expenses. Neither Obi-Wan nor Ziva really saw the need for such a thing when they were already excited to get the opportunity to celebrate their marriage with loved ones. (I didn’t really think it’d fit their character, you know? Anakin and Padme, on the other hand, had an extravagant public ceremony once the Order changed the rule on relationships.)

Their vows are similar to those spoken in many places across the galaxy, but adapted to fit the lifestyles of two Jedi. 

Instead of exchanging rings, Ziva and Obi-Wan got their matching tattoos right after the ceremony -- and at the same time, which is how the marital tradition works. Two Pantoran tattooists work together to make sure the marks are identical. 

There was music and dancing -- Ziva stepped on Obi-Wan’s toes about eight times, but he didn’t mind. They wore each other out, and laughed a lot. Ziva discovered that Obi-Wan is definitely a better dancer than her, but she didn’t exactly expect him to be worse. Padme was too nervous checking Ziva’s makeup to dance much. Anakin, eager to move, danced with Ahsoka or sometimes Rex. 

Leia asked Cody if they could get married next. 

Riyo tells Ziva that she looks like a princess and Ziva blushes so hard that she can’t look at Riyo for the rest of the night 

In a quiet moment alone, towards the end of the night, Obi-Wan senses something in the Force that he hasn’t felt for a long, long time. It’s his Master’s hand on his shoulder, almost as warm and as real as it felt before he lost him. 

“Master?” Obi-Wan croaks, hardly daring to believe it. Feeling like a Padawan again, scared to say another word, like it could drive Qui-Gon away. “Is it -- it it really you?” 

The Force rings with gentle amusement. Obi-Wan, he says. Did you really think I’d miss something like this? 

“All it took was me breaking half a dozen of the Order’s rules,” Obi-Wan jokes. 

No, says Qui-Gon, his tone more serious. You are happy. That’s what I was waiting for. 

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[synnefo-nefeli]

Ace Attorney Head Canons: The Theater Kids

It’s canon that Phoenix was an Art Major - most people assume he was a fine arts major...but it’s been said in interviews that Phoenix was actually studying Theater. His interest being Shakespeare’s works for the soliloquies and the dramatic posing.

Which I love immensely because people naturally want to make Miles the snooty cultured partner in the relationship - but actually, it’s Phoenix.  Miles *likes* the theater but he’s only really interested in mainstream Broadway and opera and stage plays of his favorite animes (he collects the box sets). He doesn’t really seek it out unless Phoenix, Trucy, or Fran makes a fuss over going.

Phoenix is the one who drags Miles to the obscure stage plays, the one-person shows, the Operas that aren’t Carmen or the Magic Flute, and makes Miles buy them season tickets to their local theater house for his birthday gift.  

The fact that people think that he’s the less cultured of the pair when it comes to them showing up the Performing Arts Center’s season openings, amuses Phoenix greatly.   

It’s also the reason why he’s super supportive of Trucy’s magic career - Phoenix wanted to be a performer himself before he decided to become a lawyer.

Despite his love for musical theater, Phoenix can’t sing well.  So in High School Drama club he would do Tech Theater when the club but on a musical, and act in the stage plays.

Phoenix's tech theater knowledge comes in handy with Trucy’s shows.  I imaging to save money when Phoenix's primary income was from his card-shark days - Phoenix can man the lighting booth during her performances and help her rig something up to make her shows more exciting,

You know who else is also a former theater kid?

Klavier.  (big surprise)  

When he wasn’t fast-tracking his way through Themis, getting his badge at 17, and starting an internationally acclaimed rock-group, Klavier preformed in a lot of Themis’ musicals and in the local community plays.

Being the son of the parents who produced, Kristoph, Klavier grew up going to Theater events, Operas, etc. .  So Klavier couldn’t not be a theater-kid, especially with his penitent for performing 

You know isn’t a theater kid? Apollo.

So essentially Klavier and Phoenix bond over this - much to Apollo and Miles’ sometimes irritation. Normally they don’t mind, because it’s nice to have their partners actually bonding over something that they themselves just enjoy for their partners’ love of it. 

However sometimes it gets to the point where Miles and Apollo will ride together separately from Phoenix and Klavier because they don’t want to hear the pair of them attempt to sing every part from “One Day More” from Les Mis.  

Or during game nights, where they play Encore, Miles will ban any card with Broadway prompts, because it essentially goes down to Klavier and Phoenix in an endless cycle of who can come up with the most obscure musical lyric to fit the parameters of the prompt, while everyone else just sits for 30-odd mins watching.

But there are times when Miles and Apollo do enjoy their Theater Nerds because yeah, you do learn some interesting things and you see a lot more plays that aren’t the instant-ticket sells outs.

Once, Apollo and Miles made the mistake of asking “What *is* Cats, even?” and Phoenix and Klavier were this odd mix of “Oh yay! We can tell you” and “Oh god...why”...and “Do you want to proceed down this path, because there’s no turning back...we love you both but we need to know that you really want to do this.”

K:  Andrew Llyod Webber decided to adapt a bunch of children’s poems by T.S. Elliott...it’s literally about cats in a junkyard...being cats on a magical holy day of their tribe.

Phoenix: It’s play meant to really show off the physicality of it’s dancers...one of the sequences is a 10-min straight dance-

K: That scene is a cat orgy.

A&M:  A WHAT?

Phoenix: Well, you know...they’re cats... and a bunch of them are going through their first heats.The whole point of them meeting is to sing, dance, mate, and converge to make a choice for the tribe.

M: And this is one of Broadway’s longest running plays?

K: Yup.  

M: So what’s the story?

Phoenix:  I can tell it badly, and yet I won’t be wrong: A bunch of Cats preform American Idol for their leader to see who gets to go to space in order to be reborn.

A:...

K: He’s not wrong.

Apollo: oh god, my bracelet didn’t even move during Mr. Wright’s statements.

P:  Oh yeah, it’s the play where “Memory” is from.

M: Are you kidding me?

P/K: No.

K: I was Busterfer Jones and Gus in my school productions.

P: What, no “Rum Tum Tugger” for you?

K: Nein, I may be able to sing and act, Herr Wright- but I am no ballerino...also Tugger was severely neutered in the High School productions-Besides... only John Partridge is allowed to play Tugger.

P: Ah yeah, that 1998 stage movie made me realize some things about myself...

K: Same.  I don’t know why mein parents thought it was appropriate for me- I watched it non-stop when I was four. My tape was worn around Tugger and Mister Misto.

Miles: Is this some sort of joke? None of this can be real.

P: Unfortunately it is real, and we can pull it up for you to watch online right now

A: I don’t know...

K: Nein...the trainwreck is happening, so you must witness it.  Also I want to watch the Skimbleshanks sequence.

P: I love Skimbles...

A to Miles: I stg they’re trolling us.

*Phoenix and Klavier are already down the hall heading for the TV room* : “SKIM-BALL-SHANKS the RAILway CAT- THE CAT OF THE RAIL WAY TRAIIIIIN”

Miles and Apollo are totally unprepared for what they soon witness, and both tell Klavier and Phoenix that they just had a collective fever-dream.

Klavier is later vindicated when he hears Apollo quietly singing “Magical Mr. Mistofeles” to himself; they do sing it together in the privacy in their own home after Apollo’s made Klavier swear to never video them doing so.

[tsukikoayanosuke]

7, 8, 9, 10, 13, 14, 16, 27, 35 & 39

[It’s a lot again 😅 hope you don’t mind :D]

I might be going way too far with these answers, so please bear with me ^^’

Sorry for the long rambles but these are my answers!

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

Oof. This is hard. There’s actually a lot of paragraphs that I like throughout the writing process. I can re-read and just pick which is my favorite, it’ll be different every time.

But, I think the thing currently going on with TW:OPT can be summed up in this Once Upon a Time… (I was being dumb and I thought prose is just poetry without rhyme)

So, this drabble is written on the run. There’s not really deep thought and I can’t even remember why I wrote it in the first place. From the date I posted it on Tumblr it was in the middle of Octavinelle Arc.

But, in this small crappy prose-poetry, it has one of the themes in TW:OPT: happy vs sad ending. This is something that I want to build since in the early stage. The theme of TW:OPT is second chances for the reincarnated villains, giving them a happy ending, something way better than the original ones.

So, if you look for example the two lines about the Queen of Heart:  

The Queen of Heart was forgotten by Alice like it was just a bad dream

The Queen of Heart will always be remembered by Alice as his dear friend and the greatest queen

The first line is what happens to the original Disney Alice’s Queen of Hearts, while the second line is what happens to Riddle, the current reincarnation of the Queen of Hearts. It’s a good change for Riddle’s life.

However, like everything, there has to be something to balance it. 

After all, good endings cannot exist without bad endings.

Can the good guys really live with the bad guys in harmony? After all, all Disney movie always has “good wins, evil lose” theme. If the “evil side” wins, wouldn’t that mean the “good side” loses? Is that even a good thing or even possible?

After all, the One-Eyed Captain found his happy ending to sail away once again. What will happen to him in his next life?

This line becomes the question. What will happen to the already-set happy endings? Would they just disappear to change into bad endings to keep the balance?

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8. Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

I’m debating between many dialogues, but I think the one piece I’m most proud of is in Chapter 97. I'm cutting a lot of the narration and just focus on the dialogues because it becomes too long.

Riddle: What happens that day? The day when everything went downhill. Azul: Didn't anyone tell you already? Riddle: I want to hear it from your or Jonah's mouth. What happened that you must curse him? Azul: Pretty simple, really. I told him not to come here that day, and he did To make it worse, that boy was stupid enough to go back against our agreement. Riddle: Just that? Azul: Oh, please, dear Crimson Ruler. I don't want to hear that from you. Have you forgotten about your reign before? Riddle: I know what I did was tyrannical, but I want to be better. Azul: Because of the captain told you too? Riddle: No. This is my choice to change. Just like it was your choice to curse him. He trusts you, you know? He knows that you wouldn't go back against your own words, which was why he was willing to sign another contract with you. Azul: If he trusts me that much, why is he against me? If he trusts me, why did he choose to save his stupid friends than agreeing with me? Tell me, Riddle Rosehearts...Why does he choose you instead of me?

We all know what happened during Octavinelle Arc and I don't deny that this sounds cheesy or slightly ooc. And let me just say this, there's no intention of this become a love triangle or whatsoever.

There are two things I want to highlight in this exchange: Riddle's growth and Azul's decline.

Riddle, after everything happened in Heartslabyul and Savanclaw arc, finally putting his foot down on where he wants to stand. He wants to be a better person, more than just the feared Crimson Tyrant. That's why he's helping them. Not because the boys are breaking the rules, not because someone tells him to, but Riddle is willing to risk it all, even his unique magic (as we see at the end of this chapter and the next) to save his friends. Again, this might sound ooc and I apologize, but from my perspective, this is a logical step of development for Riddle.

Meanwhile, Azul is showing more and more decline from this until the end of Octavinelle Arc even Scarabia Arc. For Azul who knows how easy people can leave and mock when you have nothing, seeing Jonah leave him and siding with the anemones is basically a betrayal. He can't think rationally when it comes to the betrayal and we see how brash he can be with anything related to Jonah throughout the arc where all of their interaction nearly kills Jonah.

If Riddle-Jonah is a coming-of-age story, Azul-Jonah is a broken friendship story.

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9. Which fic has been the hardest to write?

This is a hard one to write. You might think I’ll just answer with TW:OPT, but honestly, all multi chapters fanfic has their own difficulties, so I can’t choose which is the hardest.

For Twisted-Wonderland: Our Precious Treasure, where I do treat this as a novel-writing practice, keeping the consistency with the theme, plot points, and characterization.

For Private Tutor, Angel of Death, Philza Minecraft, actually coming up with new ideas is hard because I don’t based this on anything, and just write anything once a week. In addition that I’m still new in Dream SMP fandom so characterization won’t be the strongest thing.

For both TWST MC Hybrid AU and Magical Girl AU, giving the massive cast equal spotlight and actually not getting lost is quite a challenge. Both AU has seven main characters and I need to give them the same amount to screen time.

And don’t get me started with those smut. I won’t be talking about it because I’m keeping it family friendly. Those has their own problems XD

.

10. Which fic has been the easiest to write?

As I said, every fic has their own problems, even one shot. So, I’m looking through my works and trying to figure out which fic I wrote the fastest but had the most fun.

I think I’ll go with A Wish for a Proposal because the comfort in this fic with Ace going heads over heels for Deuce and being doki-doki all the time. And the kiss under a shooting star, AH! Poetic cinema~

I do enjoy when I wrote how Ace thought keeping a toy ring as childish but he ended up using it to confess to Deuce and thinking that it’s not as childish as he thought.

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13. What’s the best writing advice you’ve ever come across?

There are good writing advice that I had head, one of them came from On Writing: Great Character Descriptions! by Hello Future Me. He has so many good advices in writing and I highly recommend him.

He said that “when describing characters it’s good to focus on their movements that can tell the readers of who the characters are”. As someone who has many troubles in writing physical description, this is actually a great alternative, especially when you want to go thought the “show don’t tell”.

After watching the video I tried to write something. I ended up writing Jonah’s father, Benjamin, in Chapter 137

The owner of the inn was an old man who, coincidentally, also shared the 'Argentum' surname. Benjamin Argentum was a man with slouched back from the burden of the world, white strands on his reddish-brown hair and tired, but kind, black eyes. He walked slowly with his walking stick, claiming that his knees were never that strong since a cart accident during his younger days. The way he speaks was gentle like everyone's favorite uncle/grandfather, along with the delicious appetizer that he had prepared a few minutes ago on the reception table. The spices he used reminiscent of the spices Jonah used in his Ramshackle Kitchen. There was no way all of these were coincidences. Crowley wouldn't doubt if Jonah Argentum ever grew old, he would be looking exactly like the warm innkeeper.

I want to highlight how Benjamin is a kind old man ("He walked slowly with his walking stick, claiming that his knees were never that strong since a cart accident during his younger days”, ”The way he speaks was gentle like everyone's favorite uncle/grandfather”) but has his own problems (”a man with slouched back from the burden of the world”), and very similar to Jonah (”The owner of the inn was an old man who, coincidentally, also shared the 'Argentum' surname”, ”The spices he used reminiscent of the spices Jonah used in his Ramshackle Kitchen”, “Crowley wouldn't doubt if Jonah Argentum ever grew old, he would be looking exactly like the warm innkeeper.”)

It’s not the best descriptions, because most of the example used highlight only one most recognizable feature while my description highlight nearly everything. I still need some practice.

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14. What’s the worst writing advice you’ve ever come across?

“Write what’s mainstream”.

Here’s my problem with it: sometimes anything that’s mainstream is not my thing. I like to challenge what we are given and give it a spin. 

I mentioned before that growing up with Indonesian TV Series that only centers around love, riches, and cheating, I grew tired of it. That was why I once tried to make a script for a group of friends creating a classical music band and mental problems. 

I’m not the first one to make an adaptation of TWST, but I think I’m one of the first, at least in AO3, that make an adaptation with Male MC. Among the Female MC or Female Readers story with a hint (or too much) of Romance, I want to give something for the small group who wants Male MC or something more platonic to read.

I always want to push slightly further, trying something that I haven’t seen at first glance, giving varieties. I will admit that would always doubt whether me writing something different is even worth it or not. But when I saw that yes, this is worth it, I gain more confidence and become bolder in my twist.

Going against the mainstream is risky, but we'll see whether it's worth it or not.

.. 

16. If you only could write one pairing for the rest of your life, which pairing would it be?

Oh no... Does it have to be a romantic pairing?

Okay. I don't really have an OTP. I mean, I like ROnah and JonAzul, but I don't think I can't live with writing only about them.

So, romantically, I don’t know. But, this doesn’t help with platonically either because I find enjoyment in writing all relationship. Just pushing the limit of my writing, you know?

So, I don’t think I can answer this because I’m a coward XD

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27. How do you feel about collaborations?

A mixed bag.

So currently I'm in at least 2 collab projects: TWST MC Hybrid AU and Arisu in Alternate Wonderland. In the former, I'm the group leader, while in the latter, I'm just a writer.

Both sidea are different experiences. With AiAW, it's definitely lighter because this is basically retelling TWST but with seven Yuus. However because of this freedom and the possibilities of anything, I cannot predict whether my oc action will affects in the future or how they would interact with other ocs in the project.

With Hybrid AU, since this is a fantasy au, anything can happen. Plus as the main writer, I can see and plan clearly which event will be important and setting the characters' arc. It's definitely harder to organize because of the various idea that we want to write.

So, yeah. Collaboration can be two things for me: a scripted roleplay or a freestyle roleplay

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35. Would you ever kill off a canon character?

*looking at draft for TW:OPT Book 2*

Maybe...?

.

39. Do you ever get rude reviews and how do you deal with them?

I remember when I was a kid, I wrote a fanfiction where it only features OCs, and someone gave a review, ranting about the lack of canon characters. I, of course, sulked a bit but then just keep writing.

However, what I usually do when it comes to comments is take them into considerations. During Scarabia Arc I got a comment that the Jonah-Azul therapy moment is kinda weak, and rereading it, I can see that. Which was why the next part of the therapy Arc I tried to connect them further. So compare the JonAzul scene in the last part of Chapter 124 with the first part of Chapter 126. At least for me, I prefer the latter because there's more intimacy.

[watusichris]

Betty Davis: They Say She’s Different

It appears that everything anyone has written for the old Music Aficionado site has now disappeared from the web. A random Facebook post has prompted me to re-purpose this story, written in 2016, about my favorite funketress. **********

To this day, the name Betty Davis – Betty with a “y,” that is – remains best known to connoisseurs of Miles Davis minutiae and ‘70s funk obsessives. While it’s true that Betty played an important off-stage role in the career of the jazz trumpeter, to whom she was married for just a year, and she undoubtedly made some of the best hardcore funk records of her era, she deserves to be recognized beyond the relatively narrow provinces of the jazzbo and the crate-digger.

Uncompromising, intelligent, brazen, aggressive, and not incidentally gorgeous, sexually provocative, and a fashion plate always ahead of the curve, Betty was a prophetic figure. Spawned by the explosion of music, fashion, and alternative culture of the late ‘60s, and by concurrent leaps in black consciousness and feminism, she was a take-no-prisoners singer and writer who presented herself as something new, rich, and strange with her self-titled debut album in 1973.

There were some badass contemporaries working the soul and funk trenches– gutter-tongued diva Millie Jackson and one-time James Brown paramour Yvonne Fair leap to mind immediately – but they seemed to be adapting tropes previously worked by male singers in the genres. Betty still sounds like something new: a tough, smart, demanding woman who reveled in pleasure and insisted on satisfaction, unafraid to claim what she wanted.

Despite the fact that she was associated with some high-profile male musician friends and lovers – beyond Davis, the roll call included Hugh Masekela, Jimi Hendrix, Sly Stone, Mike Carabello, Eric Clapton, and Robert Palmer – she was no groupie or bed-hopping climber. Possessed of her own self-defining vision, she was producing her own records and leading a tight, flexible little band by the end of her brief run.

In 1976, after completing four splendid albums (only three of which were released at the time), she disappeared, not only from the music business but from the public eye entirely. What happened? It’s an old story that many women in the industry will recognize: Her record company didn’t know what to do with her, and wanted her to tone down her act. Betty Davis wasn’t having any of that, thank you, and she hit the damn road.

She was born Betty Mabry in Durham, NC, in 1945. She grew up country, and was exposed to down-home, get-down music early. On the title track of her second album, They Say I’m Different, she runs down the artists who served as inspirations: Big Mama Thornton, John Lee Hooker, Lightnin’ Hopkins, Howlin’ Wolf, Albert King, Chuck Berry. The blues, in one form or another, is the backbone of her style.

Her family relocated to Pittsburgh when she was young, but at 16 she left home for the Fashion Institute of Technology in New York. There she was hurtled into the roiling cultural vortex of the Village. She took up modeling, working for the toney Wilhelmina agency, and began running with a posse of similarly disposed, equally beautiful women who called themselves the “Electric Ladies.” Sound familiar? One of her closest cohorts was Devon Wilson, for many years a notorious consort of Jimi Hendrix known for her freewheeling, outré sex- and drug-saturated lifestyle.

Mabry began to try her hand at singing, and cut a few self-penned singles. They were in an old-school mold in terms of structure, but her very first 45 hints at things to come. “Get Ready For Betty,” a 1964 track released by Don Costa (discoverer of Paul Anka and Trini Lopez and a key arranger for Frank Sinatra), is stodgy early-‘60s NYC R&B to its core, but its message is pointed: “Get out my way, girl, ‘cause I’m comin’ to take your man.”

She also made a stolid romantic duet ballad with singer Roy Arlington and, produced by cult soul man Lou Courtney, a homage to the Cellar, the New York club where she DJed. But she didn’t start reaching the upper echelon of the music biz until one of her songs, a hymn to Harlem called “Uptown,” was cut by the Chambers Brothers for their smash 1968 album The Time Has Come, which also included the psychedelic soul workout “Time Has Come Today.”

The Chambers association probably secured a singles deal for her at Columbia Records, and her first session for the major label was produced by her former live-in boyfriend, South African trumpeter Masekela, in October 1968. By that time, she had split with him: A month earlier, she had married a far more famous horn player, Miles Davis, whom she had met in 1967. Davis and his regular producer Teo Macero would head her second session for Columbia in May 1969.

Those two dates were released for the first time as The Columbia Years 1968-1969 earlier this month by Light in the Attic, the independent label that has restored Betty’s entire catalog to print over the last decade. While devoted fans can be grateful that the work is finally seeing the light of day, it does not make for easy listening, for it was clearly made by people groping in the dark.

Betty’s artistic persona was at that point completely unformed, and so her male Svengalis did their best to mold the clay in their hands, with feeble results. Masekela evidently completed just three tracks, two of which, “It’s My Life” and “Live, Love, Learn,” were issued as a flop single. The homiletic song titles give the game away; the music, straight-up commercial soul backed by a large group (which included Wilton Felder and Wayne Henderson of the Jazz Crusaders and Masekela), has nothing original to say.

The date with Miles is a bigger waste, if a more spectacular one. The personnel couldn’t have been more glittering: Hendrix sidemen Billy Cox and Mitch Mitchell; ex-Detroit Wheels guitarist Jim McCarty; bassist Harvey Brooks, studio familiar of Bob Dylan and former member of the Electric Flag; and Davis’ then-current or future band mates Herbie Hancock, Wayne Shorter, John McLaughlin, and Larry Young.

But nothing jells. The material is either weak (Betty’s directionless original “Hangin’ Out” is the best of a bad lot) or incongruous (lumbering covers of Cream’s “Politician” and Creedence’s “Born On the Bayou”). Worse, the jazzers are unable to lay down anything resembling a solid soul-rock foundation, and even reliable timekeeper Mitchell blows the groove on more than one occasion. Miles gets impatient with his spouse at one point, rasping over the talk-back, “Sing it just like that, with the gum in your mouth and all, bitch.”

Apparently intended as demos, the failed tracks were consigned to the tape library. By late ’69, Miles and Betty’s marriage was history. She left her mark on his music: She appeared on the cover of his cover of his 1968 album Filles de Kilimanjaro and inspired its extended track “Mademoiselle Mabry” (based on the chords that opens Hendrix’s “The Wind Cries Mary”) and “Back Seat Betty” from his 1981 comeback album The Man With the Horn.

Moreover, she moved him toward the flash style that would dominate his music through the mid-‘70s, by exposing him to the slamming music of Hendrix and Sly and exchanging his continental suits for psychedelic pimp togs. Would we know Bitches Brew, On the Corner, and Agharta without Betty Davis? Maybe, maybe not.

For her part, Betty remained in the wings for a while. She collaborated on demos for the Commodores; in London, she modeled, worked on songs for Marc Bolan of T. Rex, and declined a production offer from her then-paramour Clapton. Drifting back to New York, she met Santana percussionist Carabello. They became involved romantically, and in 1972 she relocated to the San Francisco Bay area, where Carabello’s local connections led to the formation of a stellar band to back her on a debut album.

One reads the credits for Betty Davis in awe. The rhythm section was the Family Stone’s dissident, puissant rhythm section, bassist Larry Graham and drummer Greg Errico (who also produced). Original Santana guitarist Neal Schon, future Mandrill axe man Doug Rodrigues, founding Graham Central Station organist Hershall Kennedy, and keyboardist and ace Jerry Garcia collaborator Merl Saunders filled out the instrumentation. The Pointer Sisters, Sylvester, and Kathi McDonald were among a large platoon of backup vocalists.

Issued in 1973 by Just Sunshine Records, an independent label owned by Woodstock Festival promoter Michael Lang (who also released a set by another unique woman, folk singer-guitarist Karen Dalton), Betty Davis was one hell of a coming-out party. Since her abortive Columbia dates, she had developed a unique vocal attack that could leap from a velvety croon to a Tina Turner-like shriek in a nanosecond. The stomping funk of the studio band backed her up to the hilt.

Like Turner, she was one Bold Soul Sister. The lust-filled opening invitation “If I’m in Luck I Might Get Picked Up” announces that a new game was afoot. The statement of romantic/sexual independence “Anti Love Song,” the lovers’ chess match “Your Man My Man,” and the self-explanatory “Game is My Middle Name” offer up a startling, hard-edged new model of a hard-funking female vocalist.

The album’s most affecting track may be “Steppin in Her I. Miller Shoes,” Davis’ level-headed elegy for her sybaritic friend Devon Wilson, who sailed out a window at the Chelsea Hotel in 1971. “She coulda been anything that she wanted…Instead she chose to be nothing,” Davis sings, implying that route wouldn’t be one she would take herself.

“If I’m in Luck” grazed the lower reaches of the R&B singles chart and the album failed to reach the LP rolls at all, but Davis was undaunted. For 1974’s They Say I’m Different, she took the producer’s reins, which she would hold for the rest of her career. While the backup lineup is less glitzy (though Saunders, Pete Escovedo, and Buddy Miles, on guitar no less, appear), the support is still sizzling; crackling drums and burbling clavinet put over a set of songs that may have been even stronger than those heard on her debut.

No one who hears “He Was a Big Freak” is likely to ever forget it; it’s a startling dissection of a masochistic relationship -- inspired by Jimi Hendrix, and not, as many have assumed, by Miles Davis (“Everyone knows that Miles is a sadist,” Betty remarked later). Almost as notable are “Don’t Call Her No Tramp,” a prescient condemnation of what we now call slut-shaming, and the autobiographical title track, with slicing slide guitar work by Cordell Dudley.

Different and its attendant singles tanked, but Betty managed to maintain her profile with live gigs noteworthy for their uninhibited bawdiness, on-stage abandon, and the star’s Egyptian-princess-from-outer-space wardrobe sense. By early 1974 she had assembled a hot, lean road band that included her cousins Nickey Neal and Larry Johnson on drums and bass, respectively, plus keyboardist Fred Mills and guitarist Carlos Morales. This lineup would back her on her last two albums.

The end of Just Sunshine’s distribution deal liberated Davis, who, at the suggestion of then-boyfriend Robert Palmer, inked with Palmer’s label Island Records. The company released Nasty Gal in 1975, and it may be Davis’ best-executed work. The pared-down backing lets the songs shine, and there are good ones here: The shameless title song, the vituperative blast at the critics “Dedicated to the Press,” and the out-front ultimatum for sexual satisfaction “Feelins” get right up in the listener’s face. The most surprising track is the ballad “You and I,” an unexpected songwriting reunion with Miles, orchestrated by the trumpeter’s famed arranger Gil Evans.

It’s a tremendous album, and Betty supported it with live shows that ate the funk competition alive. A bootleg of an especially out-there set recorded at a festival on the French Riviera in 1976 literally climaxes with Nasty Gal’s “The Lone Ranger,” an in-the-saddle heavy breather that Davis wraps up by feigning a loud orgasm.

One should remember that at this particular juncture, Madonna was studying dance at the University of Michigan.

But Nasty Gal faded with hardly a trace, and Davis’ relationship with Island swiftly became fractious. It’s easy to see why the label declined to issue her final album, originally called Crashin’ From Passion and ultimately released, after years as a bootleg, by Light in the Attic in 2009 as Is It Love or Desire. The collection, which leans heavily on songs about sex, doping, and heavy drinking, includes “Stars Starve, You Know,” an outright condemnation of the games record companies play:

They said if I wanted to make some money

I’d have to change my style

Put a paper bag over my face

Sing soft and wear tight fitting gowns

 They don’t like the way I’m lookin’

So it’s hard for my agent to get me bookin’s

Unless I cover up my legs and drop my pen

And commit one of those commercial sins…

 Oh hey hey Island

And that was all she wrote. Until writers began to seek her out in the new millennium as her records became available again, Betty Davis was an invisible woman, one who had blazed a trail that other talents, such as Prince and Madonna, would blaze more profitably after her. She was definitively ahead of her time.

Asked by one writer what she had done since leaving music, Davis, who turns 71 on July 26, responded with the most tragic thing one can imagine any artist saying: “Nothing really.”

[the-friday-knight]

Fuck it

Ben 10 OC Time

Name: Jake Mars

Age: 17 (During OS)

Species: Human

Nationality: American

Eye Colour: Bright Blue

Hair Colour: Brown Black

Appearance: Jake wears a red and black hoodie as his common attire, under which he has a range of different t-shirts with various logos or statements on them, usually related to mechanics or rock music in some way. He wears thick blue jeans and brown steel toed boots. His version of the Omnitrix is on his left wrist. It is nearly an exact replica of the Omnitrix designed by Azmuth, but it won’t stay that way for long.

Personality: Jake is kind. Whenever he comes across an Alien, or some situation that seems odd, he gives the Alien the benefit of the doubt first, for all he knows they could just be scared being on a different world. Of course this isn’t always the case and has landed Jake in a few close calls that he quickly had to get his way out of. Jake is also well versed in mechanical engineering, owning a dark red Plymouth Superbird that he uses to travel the country. Jake decided to leave his home after acquiring the Omnitrix, at the start of the Summer after he had just received his drivers license. This is because he discovered that his Omnitrix was not the only one out there, though he still is not sure who has the others. He left because he wanted to find others with a device like his, and maybe they could work together and help each other figure out the strange Alien watch. He likes to consider himself mature, though that isn’t to say he isn’t reckless at times when it comes to people in danger our people he cares about getting hurt.

Likes: Driving, cars, finding and taking apart Alien tech, rock music, country music, apple pie, black coffee, meeting new people/Aliens.

Dislikes: Prisons, discrimination, Dean, people who question his mechanical knowledge.

Flaws: Jake feels like he has something to prove. This is shown most obviously when he is fighting against an Alien that he is also able to transform into. Even if there is an Alien he has that would be better suited to the fight, he will often transform into the same Alien in an attempt to prove that he can beat them at his own game. He also has a bad habit of antagonising those he is fighting against, to the point where it seems less like hero-villain banter and more just straight up arguing or insulting them.

Strengths: His mechanical knowledge helps him in his fights surprisingly often, especially when going against certain robotic drones that might be out to get him. He is usually quite adaptable to his transformations, and situations where he isn’t the Alien that would be best suited. He has a friendly aura about him, making him easily able to hold a conversation or befriend others, even if they are of a different species.

Jake’s Omnitrix: Jake’s Omnitrix is similar to the one built by Azmuth, however there is one key difference. It’s AI.

Omni: Omni is the AI within Jake’s Omnitrix. She has the appearance of an human female with twin green ponytails, a strange black and green shirt and skirt combo and bright green eyes. When she first met Jake, she requested him to call her Omni-chan. Jake promptly refused. Despite the term AI, Omni was actually a member of a once powerful and prosperous race, who transferred her entire mind into a satellite before her races downfall. She remained in that satellite for an unknown amount of time in deep space, but somehow was able to pick up earth transmissions of a form of entertainment called ‘Anime’. Hence her appearance and name choice. While out there, she also discovered encrypted messages of a design for a piece of technology that would allow someone to transform into a different Alien species. Omni realised this device might be a chance for her to bring her race back. So she immediately started constructing it, following the blueprints to almost a t. However, she was unable to connect with the Codon Stream on Primus, as she needed space to put her mind in. Once completed, she locked the Omnitrix and herself in a pod, and shot it towards Earth.

Omni’s Personality: Omni is a very energetic and intelligent girl. She helped Jake understand the Omnitrix when it first attached itself to him, though she may have also gave him a heart attack when she first revealed herself. If there is something Jake does not know, he will almost always ask Omni for help. She is happy to oblige. However, being cooped up inside a watch does tend to make her a bit bored, and sometimes she will either jump out of the watch or transform Jake at inopportune moments for laughs. She will also rarely change Jake into a different Alien than he requested, if she feels like he has been that Alien too much lately. As she has knowledge of what Anime is, she could be considered a weeb. This proves detrimental when Jake ends up fighting a magic user that imbibes origami creatures with magic to make them life sized and attack. She is a big fan of this Villain and often tries to talk to them in the middle of a fight.

Enemies: Canon Villains Dean: Another wielder of a different kind of Omnitrix that seems to only turn him into Aliens from the Anur system. His watch was dubbed the ‘Anurtrix’ and he uses it to commit petty crime. Jake has fought and defeated Dean several times, foiling his thefts. However, every time Dean manages to slip away some how. (Enemy level: Hands. On sight.) Kitsune: A magic user that uses magic to transform her Origami creations into life sized counterparts. She seems to be after magical artifacts, specifically those of Japanese make. However, she seems to be younger than Jake, making him think she is going through her weeb phase. (Enemy level: Why are you doing this crime it makes no sense? I’m still gonna stop you though.) Colonel Rozum: Jake accidentally staged a breakout at Area 51. Freeing wrongly imprisoned Aliens and helping them return home via the theft of an experimental aircraft capable of space travel. Jake did not join the Aliens in leaving Earth, instead trusting them to make it home without him. Colonel Rozum does not know it was Jake who enabled the breakout, as he was transformed at the time. But as far as he is concerned it only confirmed the danger of Aliens. (Enemy level: You’re a government official so I can’t actually attack you but one day I’m going to punch that stupid moustache off your face.)

Allies: The Tennysons. Detective Arnold Mason: A detective in a large city close to Jake’s hometown. It was where he preformed his first act of heroism in front of people. Unfortunately due to a misunderstanding Mason thought Jake was a part of a rival gang. Jake attempted to clear it up. Mason and two other officers are now aware of a supposedly heroic car. (Ally level: Vigilantism is illegal, but you’re literally fighting Aliens so you do you I guess.)

Trouble Gear: Three Planchaküle that were stranded on Earth. Jake brought them to a junkyard and aided them in returning home. The trio were gifted a CD of AC/DC’s greatest hits by Jake. They consider it their favourite item. Having returned to their home planet, they are not currently available to Jake, but would immediately spring into action to help if he requested it. (Ally level: You helped us get home and introduced us to rock and roll. We will die for you.)

Trivia:

Jake is voiced by Dante Basco.

Omni is voiced by Samantha Ireland.

The first Alien Jake turned into was a Planchaküle. He has named this transformation ‘Ratchet’.

It doesn’t matter if you’re human, Alien, or intergalactic war criminal. If you are being driven somewhere by Jake, you wear. your. seatbelt.

The DNA of Omni’s race is available for Jake to turn into. But Jake doesn’t know that, and Omni actively tries to keep that hidden.

Jake’s Omnitrix has access to the Life Form Lock mode and the Scanner mode.

This theme is red and black, which is usually associated with villains but I thought it’d be funny if Jake had it because of association.

His ethnicity is half-Polynesian on his mothers side.

He isn’t sure if there are alternate counterparts in different dimensions. Though he is pretty sure if there were he would immediately throw hands.

Jake currently has no love interest, though I am considering an eventual redemption of Kitsune that might lead to that.

His Omnitrix will go through a serious design change. I shall share it in another post.

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Tommy

Ali: [Let us assume he has gone back to school now and this was a weekend affair] Ali: You forgot your 🕯 Ali: expect it in the post, minus the disappointed note from Ro I've taken out Ali: ✈️ trips not guilt trips, welcome Tommy: leave it in, LOVE to hear what she's gotta say about why I'M the one being a holy show Ali: You aren't respecting the sanctity of her offering, is very much the point and gist Ali: she put more letters to it, as standard Tommy: 'course she did Ali: It does mean a lot to her Ali: but yeah, nice to have my 📅 to myself again, can't lie Tommy: meant so much she fucked off soon as the 🎂 candles were out Ali: You know she isn't the party 'til dawn sort Ali: anyway, they'd be coming in for morning service 😅 Tommy: I know it's her party & she can 😭 if she wants to Ali: If I'd known that was the theme, could've made party bags with 🧅 & 🧻 Ali: well, at least you were in your element 🕺 and you kept Meena and Carly entertained Ali: the hostess not being overly concerned herself, like Tommy: this family's hostess with the mostest has & always will be me, honey Tommy: what else do they teach me at this school, like? Ali: I had no idea you were at finishing school, my apologies Ali: how's things with keeping a man then, Holly Housewife? Tommy: Why stop at strutting with 📚 on our heads when we could do it in 🩰 perfectly en pointe, carrying a sulky ballerina all the while? Basically a Latin motto Tommy: & yet I still can't keep a man, cheers for the reminder Ali: Maybe now you're of age they introduce the final string to your bow Ali: quadruple threat = 🎤🕺🎭🍆 Tommy: 😂🤞🙏 Tommy: stole your girl regardless, tell her to call me when she's slept off the festivities Ali: No doubt she will when she's between the next couple of parties 😜 Ali: your girl is here actually, helping Ro 'organise' her presents Ali: dunno where she parked her 🎃 Tommy: I'll join Fraze in the red corner 😍💋💔🤬🎯👿🥤🤡🥵🛑💘 Tommy: those dolls do go walk abouts if you don't keep a 👀 but obviously she was 🤞🙏 I was still there Ali: He might misconstrue that and come to fight for her honour Ali: 🤞🙏 she's in LDN too, naturally Ali: lots of them are haunted, but that last part of your sentence there is the MOST 😱 ever Ali: it's weird when you approach anything fuck boy like Tommy: miscommunication is his thing™ no hard feels or feelings full stop, 'course 💪🚫😭🚫😍 Tommy: what can I say? being back DOES things to me Tommy: it's all the positive masculine role models this family has Ali: Guess it beats a total lack of @Joseph Ali: though he sent her some book about musical theory so he still manages to be the favourite somehow 🤷 Ali: and hey, dad is the best Tommy: v catty & then cuddly of you, Kit Tommy: he doesn't respond to MY efforts at being a daddy's girl exactly the same way somehow 🤷 Ali: we're both living up to what's expected then 😼 Ali: could just be I'm better at it than you though Ali: if your ego will allow it Tommy: can't let our sister fly that flag alone, like Tommy: as for who's better at kissing the arse of authority figures, don't need to dignify that with an answer 'cause my school report will Tommy: you ain't never been a pleasure to have in class Ali: I might genuinely have to shoot myself if anyone ever said anything so asinine about me so you're right Ali: that would be such a waste of potential, not until I've lead a more scandal-filled existence Tommy: you could respect the hustle Tommy: it's getting me 🩰 perks Tommy: disciplined is the head that wears the 👑 hoe Ali: I know all about discipline, trust me Tommy: we've all read 50 shades, you can't take it as gospel Tommy: Ro could write a better bdsm bibe when she's done at church Tommy: bible* Ali: It's all fun and games 'til I walk in on her flagellating herself Ali: how are we explaining that to the shrinks Tommy: that she misunderstood a more sexy f word? Ali: we don't want to look like we're trying to lock her up for that Ali: way too retro, bro Tommy: She wants to be catholic Tommy: I didn't make the rules Ali: No, then da really would hate you Ali: she's got worse Tommy: Yeah Tommy: I know, no amount of drama from the golden couple could detract Ali: not that I haven't heard enough about that though Ali: guess there's too much to put in a passive-aggressive note Tommy: 🙄🥱😴 Tommy: She wasn't even THAT late & tbh I wouldn't have blamed her for doing a Joe no show Ali: I would've understood if she was upset when she wasn't coming Ali: I am when Joe doesn't, whatever Ali: but I think she was actually MORE upset that she did come in the end, and not just because she was messy, but because Ro thought she wouldn't Ali: I don't get it, they're complicated, always have been but ??? Tommy: she can't hold being a good sister over her, like you can't me being the most fabulous brother in existence 🏆 Tommy: the fuck ups are more fun to bring to a 🥊 Ali: I guess that's more likely than them being all 💕💞 Ali: but fucking hell, does it hurt to hope Tommy: it's hurting you 😿 Tommy: she'll be too hangry to hope Ali: I have no hope or agenda for your 🏆 or 👑 dear brother Ali: but seriously Ali: what does she want Tommy: like you said ???? Tommy: there's every chance I'm bringing too much McKenna magic to the motives & she don't wanna bear a grudge til the end of her days Ali: because it doesn't sound like her at all Ali: if you can't be honest in the DMs where can you, eh, to quote that romcom Ali: fucked if I know what to do about it right now though Ali: maybe I need to sleep off the festivities, or get something to eat Tommy: long as you're not so hysterical you run into the path of an oncoming car, to recall another faithful role of hers Ali: have you adapted that for the stage? Ali: get 5 of you to be the 🚗 Tommy: dibs 'cause I can't do the accent Tommy: not that loads of 'em posh kids can either Ali: they'll have spent enough time gentrifying the east end to have it down, offensively so but all adds to the hysterics Tommy: I'll pitch it then 💡 Tommy: go down better than her 🎤🎵 Ali: better than her when she got hit by the car, like Ali: give me credit or I'll turn up and make a SCENE Tommy: like I wouldn't be LIVING for that Tommy: if we are being honest in the DMS Ali: I'll work on my RICKKAAAAAAAAAAAY Ali: maybe can convince Ro to be Sharon Tommy: hang around your ma in law & you'll ace it in no time Ali: Ha Ali: she'd accept Peggy, not Pat Tommy: fair, Laoise's ma's the one more likely to express herself with big earrings & animal prints Tommy: but I don't know if Sam Mitchell is a favourable role for Carls, what did she ever even do? Ali: Are you trying to tell me it's NOT a look? 🤔 Ali: or that you rate Laoise's mum? Ali: The character, nothing, the OG actress lost her nose so we're all agreed that's a no Tommy: I'd rate seeing her da on the doorstep in nothing but a bow tie for how mortified she'd be when I uploaded it Tommy: Grant's also no, he knocked Martine on her arse way before that car Tommy: but if she's Phil, you're Sharon so that's a yeah from me, like Ali: Don't, her dad always gave me those vibes Ali: and you ain't actually on the street still to have to witness that 🤮 Ali: I don't know how she'll feel about going bald, I'll float it gently before getting out the clippers Tommy: Do Rock's while you're there, he looks feral Tommy: even that nonce wouldn't have him Ali: You know his ears would get chapped Ali: hair is essential or he'll fly away on the breeze Ali: and we'd all be devastated, obvs Tommy: don't start me thinking about that scene in Dumbo, cheers very much Tommy: 😭😭😭😭😭😭 Ali: Such a depressing film Ali: disney gives me bad vibes Tommy: the park is creepy & you won't catch me there Tommy: whether or not Walt was a Nazi it's still a nah from me Ali: Wee bit concerning that emotional manipulation and forced fun trumps facism/literal Nazis for you but we'll 🤐 Ali: ma is in enough of a mood and she'll only direct it at me so nah Tommy: well his racism is disputed depending whether you're in camp 😇 saint him 🙏 or camp cast him into the hellfire 👿 Tommy: the forced fun & emotional manipulation is just facts Ali: 👿 advocate Tommy: I'm gonna go to hell 🤞 he's an ally Ali: 😬 Ali: it's a punishment, not a holiday Tommy: it'll be a grand hol for my pores Tommy: love a sauna sesh Ali: that London smog is not it Ali: how black is your snot? Tommy: as Ro's soul 💀 Ali: Thomas Tommy: Alison Ali: 🛑 it Tommy: she'd 🖤 to hear it but FINE Ali: you're an enabler, it is known Ali: not the kind of encouragement I'm after tah Tommy: enabling you & your lady love to have a good time, yeah 🕺💃 Tommy: & I fully expected her to turn up with a pet raven is all I'm saying Ali: the best was made of it by all, despite it all Ali: even her, in her way Tommy: despite Kayne appearing 🤵🥀 & all in her case Ali: yeah Ali: ugh Ali: he's harmless enough, bless him Tommy: she'd beg to differ right now Tommy: you're gonna wanna hide the 🍄🍄💀 til she calms down Ali: You don't need to tell me Ali: I think he's just really oblivious Ali: like all lads Ali: it wasn't you know...assaulty Tommy: It's not his fault she's team true love's kiss & he AIN'T it Tommy: who could EVER measure up to the 💭💞 Ali: standards, cool Ali: unrealistic expectations, less so Ali: but I can't really advocate for reality at this point in the game Tommy: You don't need to tell me, sis Ali: you're team turn-a-stage-kiss-real, yeah Ali: it's more realistic than fairytales, anyway, look at strictly Tommy: I'm team when's my life been a shitty made for netflix flick never mind a 🐸🤴📖 Tommy: crushing realism ftw Ali: 💔 Ali: If you didn't have a tragic love-life to complain about, you'd be too insufferable 🤴💩 Tommy: comforting Tommy: I'd HATE to morph into Fraze of a few years back Ali: I'll let you know if you start getting freckles Tommy: I'd know if I woke up with those brows Tommy: nowhere to hide, like Ali: 👺 Tommy: 😂 Ali: What are you getting ma for her bday/have you got already (suckup) Tommy: I left it there if you wanna find & shake the 🎁 Ali: Wow, you really didn't wanna pay postage that bad huh Ali: I'll see if I can 🔮 Tommy: with what? I'm skint after buying hers & Ro's Tommy: & it'll be 🎅🎄🎁 before too long Ali: that's what people really mean when they say dance don't pay Ali: gifting an interpretive dance is nothing but pretentious and unwelcome Ali: I can bodge together however many crafts I need and save my dolla Tommy: been there, tried that one Tommy: so much for your so called genius Tommy: ain't even thought of earning any by busting out the 🎅🎄🎵 classics for a busking sesh, works with 🩰 too I'll have you know Ali: 'til you knock over an old lady and have to leg it, like Ali: and if you hadn't noticed, I've been a little busy making a replica Ro, tah Ali: my creative juices are juiced right now Tommy: I'll make it look like part of the show & have the punters eating out of my palm when I catch & twirl any 👵 before they touch ground Tommy: yeah well you've got time from now, fair game on all things yule from Nov 1st Ali: 👌👌 clearly the LDN ones are more receptive because they're vicious 'round here with their 👜s and I'm only trying to give them the tea they ordered Ali: if ANYONE should advocate for Christmas not dragging, like Tommy: it's Irish dancing or fuck all back there, 365 🌧 or ⛅ Tommy: little girls scam every bit of that trade Ali: ironic when it's catch these hands in every other aspect Ali: so you'll fit right in, eh Ali: feel traumatised yet? Tommy: I'll do my best, as ever Ali: 🤴 Ali: meanwhile ma will have to make do with whatever IOU present I can knock up Ali: maybe I'll babysit, that's never not gonna work Tommy: she was on about going out 🍽 wasn't she? Tommy: Carls will never not be down either Ali: get him to make her a cake Ali: sorted Ali: providing he washes his hands...a full hose down may be necessary actually Tommy: she's survived the 🧁 he brings back from school & we've all seen the state of him at day's end Ali: yeah, cheers for the immunity boost little 🦠 Ali: fair, I'm pretty sure we put some weird and wonderful things into our bakes at his age and no one died Ali: Laoise nearly but you know Tommy: close but no 🚬 Tommy: typical of that bitch Ali: sure a 🙏 was said to finish the job at mass Tommy: if you see her ma mascara running in an lbd, I demand to be the first to know Ali: I'll pap her in her time of distress, it's fine Ali: I can hide up trees for HOURS if needs must Tommy: I'm not above piggybacking on the 'tragedy' to get better grades or a hol Tommy: do your part, like Ali: she won't fall for 🍄 again Ali: her brother might if Ro puts 'em in her gob Tommy: 💞 Ali: more of a mood than without Ali: add a little danger Tommy: she'd appreciate the drama more than anything he could ever do Ali: 💔 Tommy: nah, we're not shipping that Tommy: not today Ali: You gotta make some bad decisions before you make the right ones Tommy: a bad decision was the colour of her 👗 Tommy: the last thing that girl needs is a boy right now Ali: Okay you can't come for anyone vis a vis colour, boy Ali: even if I still see it when I close my eyes after however many weeks sewing Ali: but you may have a point re. a boy Ali: just, some socialisation wouldn't hurt Ali: and as far as they go, he's harmless Tommy: 'Course I do, she can barely exist in front of us Tommy: if they went on a date, what's she gonna do, order a glass of water? Ali: like you haven't seen her fake eat a plate of food Ali: it's only noticeable to all us that she's not actually putting any in her mouth Tommy: 🔮✨ Tommy: if he's TRULY harmless he don't deserve to be harmed by her attitude Tommy: which anyone else not bound by family love & loyalty would call something loads harsher Ali: Don't Ali: I feel bad enough for Meena sometimes Tommy: @ Carly too & we all know it Ali: Yeah, Carly can handle it though, she's mostly unphased even if it is a total thing 🙄 Tommy: She's a 👸😇 I doubt Kayne is that pure of ❤️ or intentions tbh Tommy: & Meena can handle anything so Ali: he's deffo a virgin though Ali: which yes, makes for more desperation, but he can't be that forceful if he dunno what he wants, you know Ali: yeah but God knows why she wants to come 'round here and get more of it at times Tommy: No shit, Kit but everyone's seen a porno, it's not the 70s Tommy: dress for it all you like Tommy: maybe she wants to get out of her own 🏡 Ali: everyone also knows it's bullshit Ali: whatever else she's got that much about her Tommy: does he though? Tommy: all I'm saying Ali: either way, it isn't like she's going to have a miraculous change of heart Ali: we all saw how well it went Tommy: Yeah but what if it makes her heart set on finding someone else to play 🤴 Tommy: you'd know better than me what goes on in her head Ali: She's 15, I don't see how any of us can say or do anything to stop her if that's what she does want Tommy: 15 technically Tommy: 🤷 Ali: If we can't make her eat, you know Ali: what hope do we have for anything beyond that Tommy: 0 Tommy: & it's fucked Ali: Yep Ali: but it's not as if that bombshell has only just been dropped, I guess Ali: we'll carry on doing what we can Tommy: 🔮✨ Ali: ✌💚

[femnet]

When you sleep, you allow your body and mind to recover from the day’s activities and stresses, you favor the best conservation of your muscles, and you help your brain to memorize the information collected through the past hours.

Sleeping is also a preventive measure that will avoid you the gain of weight, and decreases the risks of developing diabetes and risks of accidents and clumsiness. It calms the heart and arteries tension, and favors a healthy growth in children.

You must have gotten the point: sleeping is a natural, compulsory, and vital human activity. The time of rest that you should get strongly depends on your metabolism, daily activities, and other little details, but no one should skip this important way of loading out battery and living a better life.

And yet, many of us struggle to close our eyes at night.

This lack of inclination to sleep can have many reasons, some of which we will examine later in the article, but most of the time only one solution is proposed to insomniacs in order to solve their problem: sleeping drugs.

However, sleeping drugs can hurt you more than they help you: in most of cases, their collateral effects include long-time energy decrease, memory troubles, and an addiction to those substance that become less and less effective in the long run.

So what if you’re looking for a steady sleep, but do not want to damage your health in trying?

There is good news for you: this article exposes 5 of the best tips to solve sleeping issues.

First of all: how does sleep work?

One good night of rest, in order to be effective, needs to be composed of four to five cycles of the sleeping stages.

Each cycle lasts around 90 minutes, and is made of four phases: the transition between wakefulness to sleep, the progressive decrease of the body’s activity and temperature, the deepest part of the sleep, and the paradoxical sleep.

Each stage is controlled by the subconscious part of your mind.

1- Educate your brain:

As explained above, your brain controls your sleep. In consequence, is there a more logical mean to avoid insomnia than educating your reflective organ? Probably not.

If you want to be able to sleep at night, you need to teach your brain what sleep is, and how, where and when to sleep.

Now, you might be telling yourself that this is a very silly thing to even think of. A child would know what sleep is, that it has to be done on a bed, at night, and in total calmness. And yet, without realizing it, you might be sending wrong sleep-related information to the subconscious part of your mind, everyday.

We need 21 days to develop a habit, and the brain requires consistency to adapt itself. If some days you fall asleep on the couch, and others on the bed, your brain will end up confused. Is the bed the sleeping place, or the couch? It will get harder for you to doze off on any of the two after a while, and the same can happen in different other areas.

Here are some tips to teach your brain what is right for sleep:

Use your bed only to sleep. Do not lie on it to read or to work.

Set fixed hours to go to bed, and avoid altering them. Even during weekends, keep the same sleeping schedule.

Avoid taking naps during the day, or at least keep them shorter than 35 minutes. One nap, even if it lasts less than 90 minutes, will count to your brain as a sleeping cycle, and it will be removed from the four to five ones that you need to get at night. This will not encourage a reduction in insomnia.

Make your surroundings progressively darker. If you sleep in a room where there are two or more lights on, turn them off one by one in about fifteen to thirty minutes. The slow approach of darkness will slow your brain waves down.

2- Prepare your body to sleep:

Getting into sleep stance requires slowing down in your body activity and brain waves. In order to do so, you should pay attention to the following details.

Do not ingest caffeine in the afternoon. It is a renowned stimulant, and will make it harder for your body to slow down when rest time comes up, because it will remain in your blood circulation for at least twelve hours. Other stimulants also include, but are not limited, to: theine (tea), dark chocolate, energy drinks, sodas, etc.

Avoid doing exercise at least two hours before going to bed, be it physical or logical. If you practice sports or work before going to bed, you increase the level of stress hormones in your body, which will act as a prevention for the sleeping cycles to begin naturally. Playing video games is also a negative. However, some physical activity during the day is crucial.

Eat at least two hours before going to bed, and diminish your meal quantities. After eating, your body enters in a phase of digestion that can last up to two hours to complete itself. Digestion requires energy, and a higher flow of blood to your organs, which will also act as a prevention to the first natural sleep cycle. It is advised to eat vegetables and dairies during dinner, and strongly advocated against to choose meat, spices, and fats.

Do not stare at screens for at least thirty minutes before bedtime. Computers, phones, tablets, televisions, and other gadgets display a violent light, which increases your brain activity in an unhealthy way before sleeping. If you really need to remain connected to a screen, at least make sure that other lights are on in the room. However, reading a book is a perfect alternative, and it will also favor the transition to sleep.

Do not delay sleep. The sleep cycle announces itself with yawning and a felt heaviness in the eyelids and body. Take this opportunity: it’s your entry to a good sleep. If you try to resist, you will have to wait 90 more minutes (the duration of a sleep cycle) before the first stage of sleep becomes available again.

3- Breathing is the key:

There are various breathing techniques that can appease you before sleep, but the most useful one is the 5-5 exercise.

Inhale deeply for five seconds, and exhale slowly for the same amount of time, all while focusing on the movement of your rib cage. Repeat this for around five minutes, and your mind will abandon itself to sleep easily.

In order to make the breathing more effective, be sure to open the window of your bedroom for some ten to fifteen minutes, at least one hour before going to bed. This will refresh the atmosphere in the room, and supply it with more oxygen.

4- Noise is the number one enemy:

Noise increases the activity of your brain, the exact opposite of what you should want before going to sleep.

Loud television or music, rackety surroundings, or even a tap dripping create a disturbance in the mind, and delays your access to sleep. Soundproofing is strongly recommended, and all parasite sounds such as a working fan, a running AC, or a tapping window should be eliminated.

Some kinds of melody, however, can help you dozing off easily. Classical, jazz, and instrumental pieces are advised.

5- Choose some natural remedies:

Instead of taking drugs, try out your grandmother’s natural recipes. Here are some examples of famous insomnia remedies that were used back in the days, and that are slowly becoming popular again:

Sip infusions. Chamomile, verbena, lime-flower and valerian teas (specifically without theine) are some of the best sleep-prompters. A cup of one of those, thirty minutes before bedtime, can even be accompanied by a spoon of honey.

Diffuse scents. Pouring a couple of Petit Grain bigarade or lavender essential oil drops on a handkerchief, and keeping it close to your pillow favor a deeply restorative sleep.

Decrease your body temperature. Taking a cooling shower to bring your body temperature some degrees lower will prompt your muscles to seek the warmth of a bed.

Discover homeopathy. You will be amazed by the calming powers of gelsemium, coffea (to not be confused with coffee), and escholtzia.

When the problem is big, the solution most of the time lies in the smallest things. Take care of each of these aspects, and you’ll sleep better than a baby at night.

This article was also published on WomenExamples.

[michael-radi-the-glamorous-life]

As We Stumble Along...

This week I had the pleasure of being part of the first NYC externship for my Alma Mater’s brand new, and now fully developed, Musical Theater Program. I had the chance to work with some lovely SUNY Geneseo Juniors and Seniors in a new musical theatre workshop - an entirely new experience for all of them - and attended the first ever Senior Showcase. The talent was wonderful, the interactions were lovely, and the entire experience got me thinking…a dangerous pastime, I know.

As a part of the workshop I had to essentially explain to the students who I am, what I do, how that’s relevant to Geneseo, and how I got to where I am. And you know what? That was much more difficult than I expected.

At this moment in my career, these are the titles that I can, and generally do, give myself:

Composer-Lyricist/Librettist (technically 3 titles?)

Performer (Musical and non-Musical Theatre)

Musical Director

Vocal Coach

Accompanist (I do this less often)

Arranger/Orchestrator (though mostly my own material these days)

One of the Geneseo students said “You do so much!” and I guess that’s true. But I think the better question is, how the heck did I learn to do all of these things?

Broadway Standard

The one area from the above list where multiple straightforward and comprehensive paths of education exist is performance.

The theatre as a whole has always recognized that performers are necessary to train in large numbers since shows and theaters exist all over the place with roles that need filling. And performing is the most visible aspect of theatre, which makes it a great entry point for those interest in the business. So plenty of paths exist for people to become performers, and I won’t bore you with the details of mine. Everyone has their own stories on this one.

The other item on the list that is fairly straightforward, though certainly less common than performance, would be accompaniment.

***Quick PSA***: Someone who accompanies is called an ac-com-pa-nist. Not an ac-com-pa-NEE-ist, or any other version. Not a crucial thing to know, but I figured I’d throw it out there :-)

Usually the story I hear from pianists is that they were, at one time in their early life, cornered by some teacher or choral director or other and told they should play piano for a choir, jazz group, or school musical. And thus was born another accompanist.

For me, it was basically the same. My piano teacher told me I should, my choral teacher lost their previous student accompanist, and thus I was tagged for the job!

Where I diverge a little is that I found out I really enjoyed playing musical theatre songs for my friends, and started wanting to be better at it. So I made a point of finding all of the musical theatre music that I could in books and scores, sitting down, and attempting to play it. This is a pastime I continue today, and it has made my skills as an accompanist must stronger - so I would recommend this to anyone looking to hone this particular skill.

Barely Knowing Left From Right

My time at SUNY Geneseo ended up being quite crucial to the accidental development of two other items on that list: musical direction and vocal coaching.

Because I was already a pianist and accompanist, something that was well known by the beginning of my Junior year, I was tapped to be the Musical Director of one of our a cappella groups (and eventually the other as well). I knew from watching previous MDs that the basics of this job was to simply teach notes, but that the good ones could do oh-so-much more. And I wanted to be a good one.

(Anyone surprised? You may have gathered from my blogs thus far that I’m a little competitive about being good at what I do… :-D )

So I went to it. I learned by watching what others did, listening to my favorite arrangements and performances, and started trying things out. It was a lot of trial by fire. But soon I figured out what worked and made the music better, and what to avoid. I had already been arranging for the two groups for over a year at this point (something that I was allowed to just try and found I could do fairly well), so I had some sense of what I was doing. So I took the knowledge I had, added it to the skills I already possessed, and created a new skill set.

Was it perfect right away? Ohhhhhh no. It took me plenty of time to figure it out. But by my Senior year I was comfortable calling myself a Musical Director of both a cappella and musical theare.

As for the vocal coaching, this came from my accompaniment skills as well.

We had a club at Geneseo called MTC (Musical Theatre Club - nailing that name, right?) for which everyone would always stress about auditions each semester. So, being one of the 3-4 pianists in the club, I was often asked by people to help them prepare for their auditions by choosing songs and creating cuts. I found that I was naturally inclined toward this work - something I’d probably not have known if I hadn’t just tried it.

Then, in my later college years, I started gaining the confidence to give some vocal notes to people. I had zero reason to think I had any authority in this matter, but from what I was seeing and hearing I thought I might be able to help.

As it turns out, I was right.

With not an ounce of training (not something I’d really recommend) other than my own vocal training, I found that I had a natural ability to help people adjust their voices. And then of course I wanted to know more, so I began doing my own research and self-education. By the time I left college, I was well on my way to being able to do this sort of work professionally. And now, since it’s how I make the majority of my living and because it’s also an ever-changing field of study, I continue to educate myself on new techniques and styles.

But I’d never have known I could even do this if it hadn’t fallen into my lap and, more importantly, if I hadn’t decided to take the risk and try.

We Pull Our Bootstraps Up

And then we come to the remainder of the list: Composer-Lyricist, Librettist, Orchestrator.

It has been said that “failure is the best teacher,” and in my personal case of these above skills, I must agree.

If I had no business being a Musical Director or Vocal Coach, I had even less business writing music or words for the theatre. I mean, what experience did I have?

None. Not a bit.

Sooooo…?

I love creating. I’ve always loved creating. I had dabbled in some music writing when I was in grade school and did some light composition as part of my Music Theory class in high school - absolutely loving it - but that was the extent of my composition experience. And never had I written a play! I wrote a 5-minute piece once at the NYSSSA Theater Program, but it was terrible and I never tried again.

Until Geneseo, that is.

Playwriting was being offered as a class in my Junior year, so I decided to take it. I had loved my Creative Writing classes in the English Department, but I really longed to write for the stage. So I took it. And I was terrible.

Oh boy, I couldn’t write a play to save my life. And I certainly did try.

I understood the mechanics and the theory and the basics of what to do, but the best thing I could come up with was a murder-thriller spoof called Clue-less, which was actually an out-of-class pet project. It was fairly funny and had some nice dramatic moments, but it still wasn’t good. After getting a solid B- on my final assignment for the class I said that was it for me and playwriting. No more. But then I thought…

What about Musical Theatre? I’m certainly more inclined to writing music than a script…

So, to try out this idea, I decided to take Oscar Hammerstein II’s advice to Stephen Sondheim and attempt the exercise of adapting a play that I admire into a musical. Not for the world to see, necessarily, but for myself and to learn.

The play I chose? A Streetcar Named Desire. I love me some Tennessee Williams, and the high theatricality of the style seemed ripe for some music additions. And best of all, I didn’t have to write the book, just adapt.

I spent 4 weeks over the summer trying my hand at finding song moments, writing in character voices, adapting dialogue into lyrics (though without much structure), and composing a world that sounded like these characters. I tried to tell their stories, moved the action forward, and give a hint of New Orleans. And you know what? It was pretty damn good for a first attempt.

I was encouraged. I decided to be bolder for the second go-round and write an original musical as my Honors Project at Geneseo. Due to some college politics, the project could only be approved if I wrote the book, music, and lyrics, as well as stage the entire thing in my second semester acting as musical director, director, and producer. Certainly a tremendous undertaking - and the point of this was to scare me off - but again I said yes. Bring it on.

Thus a musical - and mediocre one at best - called PICk Love was born. I did all that was asked of me, and an audience of ~300 people ended up seeing it over two performances at the end of my Senior year. I had even gone through the process of learning how to orchestrate in a direct study (since I wasn’t wearing enough hats already) and continued to work on the show after graduation.

Loooooong story short, I was hooked. I wanted to learn more, and correctly now. So I auditioned for the BMI Lehman Engel Musical Theater Writing Workshop. Didn’t get in fully, but only as an auditor. Said yes. Met some amazing people and some of my best friends. Re-auditioned the next year. Got in. Said yes again. Met more amazing people, including one of my current collaborators and best friends. Learned so much. Got a ton better. Wrote and re-wrote The King’s Legacy. Met more incredible people. Kept saying yes.

We Live And We Learn

Most of the things on my list are skills I received no formal education for. In fact, there aren’t a lot of ways to receive a formal education in some of them. And this thing I had no idea how to do, let alone whether or not I could actually do it, is now one of the main parts of my career. But how did I get here?

Everyone has skills, whether from natural ability or because they’ve been honed. Everyone has interests and passions, even if they’re mostly unexplored. And, if you want, these things can come come together to create new skills and pathways that you previously may not have known existed. All you need to do is try.

Try and fail. Try again. Dislike you work. Research. Watch and listen and learn. Try and fail again. Like a little of what you’ve created. Reignite your passion when necessary. Continuously hone your skills. Try again. Fail. Succeed. And most of all, just say yes.

[orpheus-type-beat]

Hadestown Fanmix

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/16lTzi7BM8g2v5w7BliBpa

falling through the sky

Fanmix inspired by Hadestown

overview

I tried to learn from Hadestown’s approach to adapting the ancient Greek myths of Orpheus and Eurydice, as well as Hades and Persephone, in the same story. I took aspects of the particular characterization choices from Hadestown, and the basic idea of having an anachronistic setting. However, the “setting” and “plot” for this fanmix are different than in Hadestown, and are based on other adaptations of the Greek myths we read and saw in class.

The setting is vaguely modern, modern enough to have airplanes and touring professional musicians in the modern sense. In this version of the story, both Orpheus and Eurydice are recast as singer-songwriter musicians. They get engaged at the start of the story, but Eurydice is killed while on tour due to a plane crash before the couple can get married. Orpheus is stricken with grief and becomes cynical and self-destructive, until he decides to travel to the Underworld in an attempt to win Eurydice back.

After arriving in the Underworld, Orpheus performs/plays a set of five songs for Hades in an attempt to win him over. These five songs adapt a version of the story of Hades and Persephone, where the relationship is consensual. Demeter is a character in my version of the story, but one that Persephone wants to get away from (at least, at first). However, these songs don’t comprise a totally neutral re-telling of the myth of Hades & Persephone. It’s from Orpheus’ perspective, and his idea of Hades & Persephone’s relationship is informed by his own relationship with Eurydice. And, because Orpheus is trying to please Hades, the songs were picked by Orpheus for an audience of one.

After the set of five songs, Hades is moved enough to let Orpheus try and take Eurydice back — of course, on one condition. Orpheus looks back, failing, and Eurydice is set back to the Underworld. There are several songs that explore the feelings of this moment, and then the fanmix ends with a live version of a song from early. The sound of the crowd implies that this is a snapshot of Orpheus, removed from the events of the story by some time, turning his story into art that he performs over and over again (related to the cyclic themes of Hadestown and the original stories)

“I Will Follow You Into The Dark,” by Death Cab for Cutie

This is the sort of cheesy, melodramatic song Orpheus would like and use as part of an overly elaborate, soppy proposal. It ironically foreshadows what’s to come, and sets up Orpheus’ character. He’s talented, and makes beautiful music, but is kind of simple. He’s romantic and cheesy and has big emotions, but maybe isn’t always well grounded.

“Leaving on a Jet Plane” by John Denver

Eurydice is leaving to go on tour for the first time after they got engage, and Orpheus is worried. Eurydice plays him this song to cheer him up and poke fun at him, since it’s his sort of song (old fashioned, melodramatic, beautiful but a little cheesy) and, in her opinion, a little hyperbolic for what she expects to be an uneventful tour.

“Fake Empire” by the National

At some point on tour, there is an explosion on her plane, and she dies along with her band. (This plot point is inspired by/a tribute to John Denver, and how he died in a plane crash.) This song takes place in her last moments, thinking about Orpheus and her relationship with him as she’s dying. The song’s lyrics speak to the unreality and transience of their brief, beautiful, whirlwind romance. The line, “it’s hard to keep track of you / falling through the sky,” here is sort of her last words — she’s finding it hard to keep track of “you” while she’s “falling through the sky.”

“Grief” by Earl Sweatshirt

This song represents Orpheus, distraught after Eurydice’s death, at a deep emotional low point. The angry, paranoid, cynical lyrics reflect his bitterness and self-destructive behavior. At the end, the beat changes dramatically — still sad but somewhat more hopefully sounding —reflecting Orpheus’ decision to try and get Eurydice back from the Underworld.

“Highway to Hell” by AC/DC

Orpheus goes to the Underworld. He takes a car because, you know, he’s not in the mood for flying. This is just a joke; it’s funny to follow up Grief with Highway to Hell, and it’s kind of a pallet cleanser after the ‘first act’.

When he gets to the Underworld, Orpheus meets Hades. Hades agrees to entertain Orpheus’ request, in musical form of course. The next few songs are essentially a fan mix of Hades & Persephone’s story, made by Orpheus for Hades. Therefore, it’s from Hades’ perspective influenced by Orpheus’ tastes. Also, it’s sort of implied (like in Hadestown and the original myth) that Orpheus and Eurydice’s relationship is similar to Hades & Persephone’s relationship, so that when Orpheus is singing about Hades & Persephone’s relationship he’s also, simultaneously, singing about his own marriage.

“Plastic Taste” by Joji

In this version of Hades & Persephone, I’m obviously modernizing their relationship and making it consensual. I’m taking some cues from the cartoon we watched in class, where Hades can see Persephone from the underworld, with this song choice. It represents Hades in his sad boi “I don’t know what smiling is” phase, right before he and Persephone really meet and get together. Here, he’s longing/pining after her, but is dragging his feet on introducing himself: “I’ll admit that I’m afraid / let this moment go to waste.” The line “excuse me for my plastic taste” refers to Hades’ kingdom of artificial things below the ground, which he has grown comfortable with even though they aren’t real and don’t truly make him happy.

“Tomboy” by Princess Nokia

This song represents Persephone’s personality (and, subtextually, Eurydice’s personality). She’s an outsider because she’s a bit of a Tomboy, but she’s been able to accept herself even if the world hasn’t accepted her. The chorus section represents the community that says “that girl is a tomboy,” and more specifically her mother Demeter, who expects her daughter to be more traditionally feminine. Thus, when Persephone takes pride in her “little titties and … phat belly,” it’s a rejection of her mother’s expectations of femininity and a celebration of her version of femininity and her sexuality.

The song describes an aspect of the relationship dynamic between Hades & Persephone (which mirrors Orpheus and Eurydice), and depicting a blissful honeymoon period in a new relationship (at this point, while not married, Hades and Persephone are “dating,” though discreetly so as to avoid Demeter’s wrath). This song also implies something about what Persephone sees in Hades, at least in this initial stage of their relationship. Hades is “so in love / He think it's a spell / This love is too magic and he cannot tell;” their relationship, in defiance of her mother’s wishes, is a testament to her agency and charisma (“I could take your man if you finna let me / It's a guarantee that he won't forget me”).

“Love Story” by Taylor Swift

This is a song that Orpheus un-ironically loves, and a song that Hades secretly has on his iPod and doesn’t want anyone to know about. It represents the conflict surrounding Hades & Persephone’s wedding, and the conflict between their relationship and Demeter’s reluctance to let her daughter go. Keeping Demeter and imaging Hades & Persephone’s relationship as consensual makes this part reminiscent of Romeo and Juliet — or at least, Swift’s version of Romeo and Juliet.

Also “I talked to your dad / go put on a white dress” is basically what happened in the original Hades & Persephone myth, if you think about it (just that, because they’re Greek gods Persephone’s dad was also Hades’ brother).

“ATTENTION” by Joji

This song represents Demeter’s perspective on Hades and Persephone’s marriage. Demeter asks if “it would kill [Persephone] to throw a little bit of attention,” and remarks, cruelly, that “when [she] cries [she] waste[s] her time / over boys [she] never liked” — implying that Demeter doesn’t believe Persephone really loves Hades. This song also reflects the pain of a mother who’s no longer as central of a figure in her daughter’s life: “I thought I’d vocalize my troubles but nobody would listen.” It also has some fun mythological tie-ins, when the line “if I hurt you I’m afraid God’s gonna teach me a lesson” implies that Demeter is afraid of disobeying Zeus’s order to let Hades marry her daughter.

The line “would you hate me if I said good-bye / so quick you could eat my dust” is Demeter’s hyperbolic, distorted representations of Persephone’s voice — she sees her daughter as being callous and disloyal.

“About Today” by the National

This song represents both the cycle of seasons, and the cycle in Persephone’s relationship with her mother and her husband. It most directly represents Hades and Persephone’s relationship growing cold, probably as Spring approaches and she prepares to leave. It also implies that, like in Hadestown, Hades and Persephone’s relationship isn’t perfectly happy. In this instance, however, it seems like it’s primarily due to Hades having a hard time letting Persephone go for half the year.

The song can also represent the emotions of Demeter, again as a mother losing her (young adult) daughter to marriage. Demeter wants to ask her daughter “about today” — almost like asking “how was school?” — but that line of communicate isn’t open anymore as Persephone is growing up and beginning to “slip away.”

Also, since these are song Orpheus chose (in a sense), this also reflects a sense of guilt he has about losing Eurydice. Maybe their relationship wasn’t perfect when she died, which is why he’s so desperate to get her back? (Also, the repeated use of the phrase “slip away” fits with the song “Slip Away” used later.)

This concludes the fanmix/ballad Orpheus performs for Hades. Hades is moved enough to let him try and take Eurydice back, on the one condition. In this adaptation, you could see this condition as something Hades is imposing on Orpheus for Orpheus’ own good. Hades’ relationship with Persephone is rocky because he can’t let her go and really trust her when she spends six months above ground with Demeter. Either out of anger, or a well-meaning desire to make sure that Orpheus doesn’t share his flaws, Hades implements the condition that Orpheus can’t look back as a test based on his flaws and his marriage to Persephone.

Orpheus and Eurydice begin to ascend.

“Slip Away” by Perfume Genius

This song represents Orpheus and Eurydice’s hope, as they start their journey out of the Underworld. They really believe that they’ll “never break the shape [they] take,” and they try to let voices of doubt (or maybe the undead, since they are in the Underworld) “slip away.” Of course, this is a slightly cheeky song choice, since we all know that Eurydice will, in fact, slip away from Orpheus.

Despite Eurydice saying “Don’t look back / I wanna break free,” Orpheus looks back, and Eurydice is sent back to the underworld.

“Love Love Love” by the Mountain Goats

This song takes place in the moment after Eurydice is taken back to the Underworld. The lyrics summarize the theme — “some moments last forever, and some flare out in love” — of both the myth of Hades and Persephone, and the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice. Like the first song, “I Will Follow You Into the Dark,” it’s an acoustic guitar ballad performed by a solo male vocalist; but now, after the events of the story, the type of acoustic guitar ballad Orpheus is drawn to has changed. This song is more complex, mature, and sad. It reflects how Orpheus’ tendency towards simplistic melodrama and uncomplicated romance have been complicated by tragedy, and how despite that tragedy his impulse towards beauty and music as emotional self-expression still remains.

“Fake Empire (Live in Brussels)” by the National

This song represents how Orpheus has processed the tragedy months, years, or even decades later. This was originally Eurydice’s song (it’s from her POV earlier), and by playing it live he’s remembering her and keeping her art alive. It’s also a summary of Orpheus and Eurydice’s relationship, now from Orpheus’ point of view after the tragic ending. “We’re half awake / in a fake empire” describes how Orpheus feels about his relationship with Eurydice now. It was unreal, an illusion or a dream that was fragile and bound to crumble. The line “it’s hard to keep track of you / falling through the sky,” is now from Orpheus’ perspective — “you” now refers to Eurydice, and “you” not the speaker is the one falling.

I like to imagine Orpheus playing this song in concert, touring, over and over again. It gives the story the kind of cyclic element that draws parallels to the story of Hades & Persephone, while also paralleling the way that the Orphean myth is about finding meaning in the endless cycle of love and loss through art.

(Also, this is probably my favorite song, so I wanted to include both versions).

image credit

I got them from google images, but here are some links

tornado background

girl falling (weirdly hard to find any picture that had a reasonable pose)

bonus

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uDAicYWcy6k

This has nothing to do with this fanmix, and I unfortunately couldn’t shoehorn it in, but this is probably runner up to my favorite song. It’s a narrative rap song that can be read as either about a kid growing up in Chicago public housing or the origin of a superhero (more specifically, Juggernaut, an X-Men character I’m not super familiar with).

[shirlleycoyle]

My Life as a Meme: ‘I Can’t Believe You’ve Done This’ Revisited

In November 2007, an entirely contextless video of me being punched in the face went viral. You might have seen it. It still does the rounds every couple of months, often when something notably bad happens that warrants a response of disbelief. In these strange times, it’s managed to remain endlessly prescient.

For the uninitiated, the video in question is an 11-second clip in which, aged 16, I appear wearing a dressing gown cord around my head, a chain necklace, some children’s sunglasses and a black T-shirt. I sit down and address the camera, ostensibly about to tell the viewer what I was thinking. I am immediately interrupted by my friend Tim, who appears stage left and lamps me. Rather than react in pain or anger, I err more towards disappointment and dismay, bewildered that something like this could happen. “Ah fuck. I can’t believe you’ve done this,” I said. End scene.

It’s been nearly 14 years since I uploaded the original video and to this day it still prompts questions. Who was the guy who got punched? Why did he get punched? Who punched him? What was he thinking? Why did he react that way? Why did he leave YouTube?

In recent years I’ve come to appreciate and even enjoy its bizarre status as an enduring piece of internet history, but my relationship with the clip in the decade that followed its inexorable rise hasn’t always been easy. To understand why, it’s useful to remember that the internet in 2007 was, for better or worse, a very different place.

Having spent the best part of my school years filming stupid skits with mates instead of studying, there was something semi-appealing about the prospect of being able to put videos online to share with friends. It began in mid-2003, when myself and a group of friends would have been in our early teens. Inspired by the likes of Jackass and Bam Margera’s CKY movies, our impressionable young selves set about ignoring all relevant safety warnings, hurling ourselves out of trees, riding scooters into curbs, and racing tyres down hills on skateboards.

At the age of 14 or so, I had envisaged cutting the footage into a chaotic feature-length video of “stunts.” I’d probably have soundtracked it with music from the Tony Hawk games, alongside countless other homemade skate videos people made circa 2003 that probably featured a mix of Ace of Spades or Guerilla Radio. I still have a box full of VHS-C tapes kicking around somewhere, which can only be viewed on one of those absolutely insane VHS adapters. Having not watched any of it in well over a decade, I can safely say that the content contained within those tapes is unequivocally shit.

All of a sudden you're everywhere and it's out of your control. You either try to fight it and get destroyed, or embrace it and try to cash in.

Looking back, the whole endeavour was entirely aimless, but aside from coming away with mild head injuries from time to time it was an innocuous way to spend my childhood. At the very least it also means I have a bizarre, tangible record of my youth that I’ll be able to laugh at one day when I’m old and wizened.

By summer 2004, we had started filming on Mini-DV, which opened up a whole new world of editing possibilities. Plugging a video camera into a computer and capturing footage directly to editing software is pretty much a given for today’s generation of content creators, but back in the early 2000s, this was revolutionary.

We’d eventually gravitate away from ‘stunts’ towards more structured skits and sketches. Nothing was ever scripted per se, but we’d usually start out with a rough idea of something and see how it played out.

There was an ambitiously misguided 'silent horror' short, soundtracked by Mike Oldfield’s Tubular Bells, in which someone chopped off ‘my cock’ (a banana) with a garden shear. We considered this to be the absolute pinnacle of comedy.

There was an ill-advised 'Ballers' skit in which we ventured out in sports gear to make a mock training video taking the piss out of a guy at school who fancied himself as a bit of a gangster; this painfully middle-class white kid who listened to rap metal and liked basketball. He obviously never saw it and there's no question that we looked like idiots filming it at the local park. It’s probably quite offensive in hindsight.

The author at the Bristol Climate Change Protests in September 2019. Image: Shanya Buultjens

There was a James Bond 'spoof' that involved misquoting portions of dialogue from that scene in GoldenEye where Q gives Bond an exploding pen. It was funny to about three people. One of them was my mum.

One time a mate of mine fell out of a tree when he tried to swing from a branch. He landed on his back and ended up coughing up blood. He didn’t go to the hospital even though he probably should have. He’s now a doctor and a father.

Mercifully, none of this stuff ever made it online, but I did sell a couple of DVDs to people at school who rightly/probably/hopefully never watched them. In an ideal world, I'd own the only copies. I'm also fully aware that writing about this now only makes it more likely that one of the four people that still have a copy will dig theirs out. Please do not do that.

In 2005 and 2006, YouTube was very much in its infancy. This was the time when clips were limited to about 100mb and you could only upload about 30 seconds worth of footage at a time, which basically made it perfect for bursts of frenetic, inane content. As the platform grew, it became a dumping ground for skits and footage that we’d accumulated over the preceding years. Much of it went completely unnoticed until late 2007, at which point things started to get a bit weird.

The truth is that, nearly a decade and a half later, I’m still processing it.

The clip that people have come to know started out as an aimless skit filmed in Summer 2006. We hadn’t planned anything, least of all me being punched. In the footage building up to the event, I pushed Tim off the chair, he fell and hit his head on a filing cabinet off-camera. Rather than react to Tim, I sat down and proceeded to ad lib something that I’d venture to guess would have been considerably less funny than the act of violence that followed. Unprompted, Tim upsided me and I reacted with an inexplicable, completely incredulous response, which has followed me online ever since.

The footage sat on a tape until July 2007 when I decided to upload a brief segment under an ambiguous title. Fast forward to November and the video had somehow blown up, had its comments section relentlessly spammed, been ripped countless times and had offensive Wiki pages written about it. I also received a few direct messages which could at best have been described as ‘worrying’ and at worst ‘threatening,’ which was nice.

To this day, I’m none the wiser as to how it blew up in the way it did. I originally uploaded the video under the title ‘ ___________’ but the video somehow found its way onto 4chan where it spread like wildfire. The earliest mirrored link I could find was from January 2008, by which time it had been re-uploaded by multiple accounts, the most prominent of which had already clocked up almost double the number of views compared to my original upload.

At the time, going viral wasn't really comparable to any other experience and it certainly wasn't something I could discuss in solidarity with my friends. All of a sudden you're everywhere and it's out of your control. You either try to fight it and get destroyed, or embrace it and try to cash in. After yanking down several other videos on my YouTube channel, I opted for the latter.

When the video blew up, I got a call from a friend who informed me that the video had made the front page of Break.com. I peripherally knew what that meant: they offered a buyout scheme for videos that made the front page, which meant that I could make some money from it.

As it transpired, this wasn’t such a great idea. After signing a release form with some pretty appalling terms, over the following months I had several unnerving interactions with researchers for various TV shows looking to license the clip. Each offered far more favourable terms than those of Break. One of them harassed a bunch of my mates on Facebook. I think he even offered to pay one of them for my contact details.

By that point, it was all too apparent that I had completely fucked it. Break had the rights and I couldn't do anything with it even if I wanted to. At just 18 years old, I had sold out. In the short term, I used the money to buy a TV, which was great, but I soon started to get the creeping feeling that this was a decision that would come to haunt me. At that point, it was easier to disassociate myself from the clip, abandon YouTube, and move on with my life.

And yet, for the best part of 14 years the questions have kept coming: no, it wasn’t staged or scripted, it wasn’t a set-up, I didn’t know it was coming and, yes, it hurt. It was also very funny, which is presumably why I felt the need to upload it in isolation in the first place. Incidentally, Tim and I are still friends and contrary to some of the absolutely insane comments people leave on YouTube I can confirm that neither of us are in prison, the punch wasn’t a reaction to some sort of disagreement and he’s a lovely bloke.

To be clear, the lack of context wasn’t a deliberate choice to add intrigue either. I’d never even considered the possibility that anyone outside my circle of friends would see it. To me it was just another daft clip that a few mates would find funny.

Around the time I’d started to make peace with the issues around ownership, in 2018 it came to my attention that Break had shut down and its owner Defy Media had gone bust. The site was subsequently purchased by Yeah1 Network, but to this day I have no clarity whatsoever on my legal rights to the video. Any attempts to receive guidance have either turned up dead ends, or led to suggestions that I speak to IP lawyers, whom I have neither the means nor the time to deal with. Incidentally, if anyone has any insights in that area, I’d love to hear them.

Having said this, there’s something quite empowering in taking something embarrassing and admitting to it before someone else can point it out to you—a bit like taking ownership of an amusing surname. I’ll leave it to you to figure out what gags can be made from the name ‘Weedon,’ but I learned quite early on that if you make the jokes yourself and beat others to it, no one can fucking touch you. It’s much easier nowadays to hold my hands up and admit that I shouldn’t have sold the rights, make a joke of it and move on. At the very least, it makes for a good anecdote at parties.

As I suspect is probably the case for old content creators, if you can even call us that, the real story about I Can’t Believe You’ve Done This isn’t in how it’s aged and endured, or even how it’s impacted my life. For me, it’s tied up in issues of rights, ownership, and monetisation. As mercenary as it might be, I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t regret missing out on a slice of the pie when it came to YouTubers being able to monetise their content sooner. On the one hand, that's probably a very cynical view for something that was created by a bunch of teenagers who were fooling around making videos for fun in the noughties, but on the other, that's just the world we live in now.

Perhaps the strangest thing about my experience with it nowadays is the way people engage with it on a day-to-day basis. The comments vary from young people discovering its origins for the first time, surprised to discover that it is in fact a 14 year old video and not a recent creation filmed for Vine or TikTok. At the other end of the spectrum are those who are incredulous that someone with a video that has 9.2 million views and an account that’s amassed over 15,000 followers without really trying would step away from the platform and not want to make content.

The truth is that, nearly a decade and a half later, I’m still processing it. I love seeing how it’s been re-interpreted in modern mediums and that positive association has made it easier to accept. Charles Cornell turned it into a sad song. It got sampled in a KIll The Noise track. I had a nice interaction with The Sidemen about it. Will Smith even featured it in an insane Instagram post during the pandemic. I DM’d him to say thanks and he obviously didn’t reply.

To that end, a small group of us have recently started work on a film project exploring the nature of the meme, how it grew, its impact on my life and my relationship with the internet at large. In doing so, the hope is that, while answering some of the burning questions that other people still seem to have, I’ll ultimately be able to make peace with the whole thing.

@Twotafkap

My Life as a Meme: ‘I Can’t Believe You’ve Done This’ Revisited syndicated from https://triviaqaweb.wordpress.com/feed/

[weekendwarriorblog]

The Weekend Warrior 9/11/20 – I AM WOMAN, BROKEN HEARTS GALLERY, RENT-A-PAL, UNPREGNANT AND MORE!

Thankfully, we’re getting a slower week this week after the past few weeks of absolute insanity with so many new releases. This week, we also get a nice string of movies about women that are mostly made by women directors, so hopefully these won’t get lost in the shuffle of theaters reopening.

To be perfectly honest, I went into Unjoo Moon’s I AM WOMAN (Quiver Distribution) – this week’s “Featured Flick” -- thinking it was a doc about ‘70s pop sensation Helen Reddy. Imagine my surprise to discover that it actually was a narrative film with Tilda Cobham-Hervey playing the Australian singer who moved to New York in 1966 after winning a contest, expecting a record deal but only winding up with disappointment.  Once there, she’d meet journalist Lilian Roxon (Danielle Macdonald, being able to use her real Australian accent for once) and Jeff Weld (Evan Peters), the man who would become her manager and then husband. Once the couple move to L.A. with Helen’s daughter Traci (from her previous marriage), things began to pick up at the same time as Reddy starts dealing with issues in her marriage and friendship with Roxon.

Listen, I get it. To some (or maybe all) younger people, including film critics, Helen Reddy represents the cheesier side of ‘70s music. I only know her music, since I was a young kid who listened to AM Top 40 radio for much of the ‘70s, but by the end of the decade, I had already switched to metal, punk and noisier rock. As you can tell from watching I Am Woman, Reddy is a particularly interesting music personality, particularly once you realize how hard she struggled to get into the business with a husband who only feigned to support her after dragging her to L.A. for “her career.”

There were many takeaways from watching Moon’s film, but one of the bigger ones is how amazing Cobham-Hervey is at portraying a woman that few of us may have actually seen perform even on television. I’m not sure if Cobham-Hervey did any of her own singing or is lip-syncing the whole time, but it doesn’t matter because she instills so much joy into the performances, especially the two times she sings the highly-inspirational title song live.

Although there isn’t a ton of major drama in Reddy’s life, most that does exist revolves around her relationship with Wald, who is depicted by Peters as an out-of-control coke-sniffing monster. Those in Hollywood may have dealt with Wald as a movie producer or during his stint as Sylvester Stallone’s manager, and only they will know how exaggerated this performance is. Far more interesting is Helen’s friendship with Macdonald’s Roxon which would inspire her to perform the song “You and Me Against the World.”  (Seriously, if you want a good cry, throw that song on after watching I Am Woman.)

Moon does a great job with the material, whether it’s recreating New York in the ‘60s – often using music to set the tone of the period -- or by framing Reddy’s story with Phyllis Schlaffly’s fight against the ERA, as depicted in FX’s mini-series Mrs. America.  Still, it never loses track of Reddy’s journey and her role as a mother to Traci and slightly less to Wald’s son, Jordan. The movie ends with a wonderful and tearful epilogue, and I will not lie that I was tearing up more than once while watching this movie.

I Am Woman may be relatively uncomplicated, but it’s still a compelling relaying of Reddy's amazing story bolstered by an incredible knock-em-dead performance by Tilda Cobham-Hervey. It’s also one of the most female-empowering film I’ve seen since the Ruth Bader Ginsburg movie On the Basis of Sex, starring Felicity Jones.

This week’s primary theatrical release is Natalie Krinsky’s THE BROKEN HEARTS GALLERY (Stage 6/Sony), starring Geraldine Viswanathan as Lucy, a young woman who works at a gallery who is still obsessed with her ex-coworker/boyfriend Max. On the night of her  disastrous break-up, Lucy meets-cute Nick (Dacre Montgomery from Stranger Things), who later inspires her to rid of her hoarding issues by creating the “Broken Hearts Gallery.” This is a place where people who have broken up can bring the remnants of said relationship by donating the mementos they’ve maintained from their partners as sentimental value.

I’m a big fan of Viswanathan from her appearance in Blockers and TBS’ “Miracle Workers” series, as she’s clearly very talented as a comic actress, but I couldn’t help but go into this with more than a little cynicism, because it does follow a very well-worn rom-com formula that can be traced right back to When Harry Met Sally. Yup, another one.  Much of this movie comes across like a bigger budget version of a movie that might play Tribeca Film Festival, and I wish I could say that was a compliment because I’ve seen a lot of good movies at Tribeca. But also just as many bad ones.

The problem is that The Broken Hearts Gallery isn’t very original, and its roots are especially obvious when it starts interspersing the recently-heartbroken giving testimonials. It’s also a little pretentious, because rather than the real New York City that would be recognizable to anyone who lives there, it’s more of a Millennial woke fantasy where everyone is a 20-something LGBTQ+ of color.  Even so, the main trio of Lucy, Nick and Nick’s business partner Marcos (Arturo Castro from Broad City) do keep things fun even when things are getting predictable.

To be honest, I’ll be perfectly happy to see Viswanathan become the next Meg Ryan, because part of the reason why I warmed up to the movie is because I thought she was quite great in it. (I hate to say it but she’ll definitely need a simple name to remember to make that happen. I’d like to suggest G-Vis… as in G-Vis, she’s awesome!) There’s no question she’s the best part of the movie, but it also thrives from some of the other women cast around her, including Molly Gordon, Phillipa Soo and (surprise, surprise!) Bernadette Peters. (At times, I was worried Lucy’s friends would get particularly annoying, but you’ll warm up to them as well.)

Krinsky’s movie is cute, and while it certainly gets a little overly sentimental at times, there are also moments that are quite heartfelt, so basically, it’s a tolerable addition to the rom-com genre. The fact that the characters are so likeable kept me from outright hating the movie, especially once it gets to its corny and somewhat predictable ending. Another thing I like about Broken Hearts Gallery is that at least it’s making an effort to have some sort of theatrical presence, including drive-in theaters.

Next up is Jon Stevenson’s RENT-A-PAL (IFC Midnight), a rather strange and very dark horror-comedy. It stars Brian Landis Folkins as David, a lonely 40-year-old living with his elderly mother suffering from dementia, who has been using the services of a dating service called Video Rendezvous. This is the ‘80s after all, so it involves getting VHS testimonials from various women. One day, David finds a tape labelled “Rent a Pal” and he decides to check it out. It turns out to be a video of a guy named Andy (Wil Wheaton aka Wesley Crusher from Star Trek: The Next Generation) who David begins having conversations with, but once David gets his chance to have a real relationship with a nice woman named Lisa (Amy Rutledge), he’s been dragged too far down the rabbit hole with Andy’s evil urgings.

This was recommended to me by my own personal rent-a-pal, Erick Weber of Awards Ace, who saw it weeks ago. I totally could understand why he would have liked it, because it’s pretty good in terms of coming up with an original idea using elements that at least us older guys can relate to (especially the living with your Mom part which I had to do a few years ago).  I wasn’t sure but I generally thought I knew where it was going, because David’s trajectory always seemed to be heading towards My Friend Dahmer or Maniac territory. What I liked about Folkins’ performance is that you generally feel for him right up until he gets to that point. I also really liked his innocent relationship with Lisa and was hoping things that wouldn’t get as dark as where they eventually end up. I also have to draw attention to Wheaton’s performance, because as one might expect if you only know him from the “Star Trek” show he did as a kid, this is a very different role for him similar to Seann Michael Scott in last year’s Bloodline.

Either way, Stevenson is a decent writer and director who really pushes the boundaries with where Andy takes his new friend, and it’s especially great for its synth-heavy soundtrack that reminds me of some of John Carpenter’s best scores, as we watch David’s inevitable descent into madness. You’ll frequently wonder where it’s going, but for me, it just got too dark, so I only really could enjoy it up to a point.

A little cheerier is UNPREGNANT (HBO Max), the new film from Rachel Lee Goldberg, who directed the recent Valley Girl remake, although this time she’s adapting a book written by Jenni Hendricks. It stars Haley Lu Richardson (from Split and Support the Girls) as 17-year-old Veronica who discovers that her dopey boyfriend Kevin has gotten her pregnant. Since women under 18 can’t get an abortion in Missouri without a parents’ consent, she goes on a road trip with her estranged childhood friend Bailey (Barbie Ferreira) to New Mexico to get the job done.

It’s more than  little weird seeing this movie come out in the same year as a much more serious version of the same movie in Elyza Hittman’s Never Rarely Sometime Always. That aside, Goldberg and her cast do their best to make this something more in the vein of last year’s Book Smart, although that’s also a fairly high watermark for any movie.

Because this is a road trip comedy, it tends to follow a fairly similar path as other movies where they meet a lot of strange characters along the way, as they try to get a ride after being busted cause Bailey stole her mother’s boyfriend’s car for the trip. For instance, they meet a friendly couple who tend to be pro-lifers who want to change Veronica’s mind, and the best side character is Giancarlo Esposito as a conspiracy theorist named Bob.

I guess my biggest problem with the movie is that it just isn’t that funny and feels fairly standard, but at least it has a decent ending to make up for the predictability of the rest of the movie.

Now streaming on Netflix is Maimouna Doucouré’s French coming-of-age film Mignonnes aka CUTIES, a film that premiered at Sundance and then stirred up quite a bit of controversy last month due to its marketing campaign, but is actually not the pervy male gaze movie which it may have been sold as. It’s about an 11-year-old Sengalese girl named Amy Diop (Fathia Youssouf) who wants to join the school’s “cool girl” dance group, known as the “Cuties,” even though it goes against her family’s Muslim beliefs.  Amy learns to dance so she can be part of the dance team and take part in a dance competition, but you know that this decision will led to trouble.s

Cuties got a lot of backlash from for the trailer and Netflix’s decision to release Doucouré’s movie, which is about a young girl discovering her sexuality, although it isn’t really something lurid or gross but actually a very strong coming-of-age film. I haven’t seen the trailer, but I can only imagine what scene it focused on that got people so riled up, since there are dance scenes that felt a little creepy to me. Other than that aspect of the film, Cuties is as innocent as a Judy Blume book. I mean, how else do you expect kids to learn about real life than movies like this? (Unfortunately, the movie is TV-MA so young teens won’t be able to watch it.)

The big problem with the Cuties is that they’re actually kind of bratty and bullies, almost like a younger “Mean Girls” girl gang, so it’s very hard to like any of them. They’re also trying to act way older than they really are, and you can only imagine what dark places that might led, as you worry about Amy getting dragged down with them, just because she wants to have friends and feel popular.

Despite my issues with Cuties, Maimouna Doucouré is a fantastic filmmaker, and this is a pretty amazing debut, especially notable for how she’s able to work with the young cast but also make a movie that looks amazing. That said, Cuties is a decent coming-of-age film, although I feel like I’ve seen better versions of this movie in films like Mustang and The Fits.

Also from France comes Justine Triet’s SYBIL (Music Box Films), starring Virgine Efira (who appeared in Triet’s earlier film, In Bed with Victoria) as the title character, a jaded psychotherapist who decides to return to her passion of writing, getting her inspiration from an actress patient named Margot (Adèle Exarchopoulos), who she becomes obsessed with. I don’t have a lot to say about this movie other than it wasn’t really for me. As far as French films go, a movie really has to stand out from the usual talkie drama filled with exposition, and though I thought the performances by the two women were great, I didn’t really care for the script or the pacing on this one. After playing at last year’s Cannes, Toronto and the New York Film Festival, Sybil will be available via Virtual Cinema through Film at Lincoln Center and the Laemmle in L.A. as well as other cities. You can watch the trailer and find out how to watch it through your local arthouse at the official site.

Now seems like as good a time as any to get into some docs…

 Liz Garbus and Lisa Cortés’ doc ALL-IN: THE FIGHT FOR DEMOCRACY (Amazon) follows Stacey Abrams through her run for Atlanta Governor in 2018, but it also deals with the laws that had been put in place to try to keep black voters from taking part in their right as Americans to be able to vote. I’m not sure what’s going on with me right now, but I generally just don’t have much interest in political docs right now, maybe because there’s so much politics on TV and in the news. I also have very little interest in Abrams or even having the racist history of the American South drilled into my head by another movie. I was born in 1965, my family didn’t even live in this country until 1960, and I’ve spent my life trying to treat everyone equally, so watching a movie like this and being preached to about how awful African-Americans have been treated in parts of the South for hundreds of years, I’m just not really sure what I’m supposed to do about it here in New York. I guess my biggest problem with All-In, which is a perfectly fine and well-made doc – as would be expected from Garbus – is that it lacks focus, and it seems to be all over the place in terms of what it’s trying to say… and I’m not even sure what it is trying to say, nor did I have the patience to find out. I thought Slay the Dragon handled the issues with gerrymandering far better, and I think I would have preferred a movie that ONLY focused on Abrams and her life and political career than trying to make a bigger statement. All-In will open at a few drive-ins (tonight!) and then will be on Amazon Prime on September 18.

I was similarly mixed on Jeff Orlwosky’s doc, THE SOCIAL DILEMMA, which debuted on Netflix this week. This one looks at the addiction people have for social media apps like Facebook and Twitter, and how the information of what people watch and click on is collected into a database that’s sold to the highest bidder. Basically, it’s your worst fears about social media come to life, but my issue with this one is that the filmmaker decided to hire actors to dramatize parts of the movie, showing one family dealing with social media and phone addiction, which seemed like an odd but probably necessary decision other than the fact that the topic is so nerdy and so over my head that maybe it was necessary to illustrate what’s being explained by programmers. Again, not a terrible doc, just not something I had very little interest in even if it is an important subject (and I’m probably spending too much on social media and essentially more of the problem than the solution).

I saw S. Leo Chiang and Yang Sun’s doc OUR TIME MACHINE at Tribeca last year, and I quite liked it. It follows influential Chinese artist Ma Liang (Maleonn) who collaborates with his Peking Opera director father Ma Ke, who is suffering from Alzheimer’s, on an elaborate and ambitious project called “Papa’s Time Machine” using life-sized mechanical puppets. I don’t have a ton to say about the movie but it’s a nice look into the Chinese culture and traditions and how the country and art itself has changed between two generations.

One doc I missed last week but will be available digitally this week is Michael Paszt’s Nail in the Coffin: The Fall and Rise of Vampiro about semi-retired professional wrestler Ian Hodgkinson aka Vampiro, who is a Lucha Libre legend.

There’s a lot of other stuff on Netflix this week, including THE BABYSITTER: KILLER QUEEN, the sequel to the Samara Weaving-starring horror-thriller, again co-written and directed by McG (Charlies Angels: Full Throttle). This one stars Bella Thorne, Leslie Bibb and Ken Marino, as it follows Judah Lewis’ Cole after surviving the satanic blood cult from the first movie.

I don’t know nearly as much about the British comedy series The Duchess, other than it stars comedian Katherine Ryan as a single mother juggling a bunch of things. Julie and the Phantoms is Netflix’s latest attempt to be the Disney channel with a movie about a young girl named Julie (Madison Reyes) who decides to start a band with a group of ghosts (hence the title). It’s even from Kenny Laguna, who is best known for the Disney Channel’s biggest hits High School Musical and The Descendants.

Other stuff to look out for this week include Kevin Del Principe’s thriller Up on the Glass (Gravitas Ventures), which is now available On Demand, digital and Blu-Ray; the Russian dogs doc Space Dogs (Icarus Films) – available via Alamo on Demand; Phil Wall’s doc The Standard  (Gravitas Ventures), and Andrei Bowden-Schwartz, Gina O’Brien’s tennis comedy All-In (on Amazon Prime and VOD/Digital) and Sam B. Jones’ Red White and Wasted (Dark Star Pictures).

Next week, more movies not in theaters!

By the way, if you read this week’s column and have bothered to read this far down, feel free to drop me some thoughts at Edward dot Douglas at Gmail dot Com or drop me a note or tweet on Twitter. I love hearing from readers … honest!

[captain-fiza-khan-123-stuff]

YOGA ONLINE IN PAKISTAN

BRANDED YOGA ONLINE IN PAKISTAN

American columnist William Broad has examined many logical examinations on the impacts of yoga. In his work The study of yoga, distributed in 2012, Broad finished unequivocally with the fantasies of yoga. He uncovers ongoing disclosures and avows that "yoga can spare lives yet in addition be savage hazardous".

Dependent on yoga since 1970, William Broad does it consistently. The science columnist for the New York Times states, "Everybody who does yoga has the physical advantages. Yoga quiets and unwinds, recuperates and recovers, invigorates vitality and. " He says it by and by says a great deal of hogwash regarding yoga. He is amazed that with the enormous number of concentrates existing on the impacts of yoga, there can be such an extraordinary absence of powerful information on the educators who instruct it. To compose The study of yoga , he met researchers, yoga instructors, masters, specialists and yoga fans. He closed that"The dangers and advantages of yoga are far more noteworthy than I suspected. Yoga can be fatal or can spare your life. Different games are a breeze contrasted with yoga. " Here is an outline of his most significant disclosures.

Yoga quiets and satisfies you - TRUE!

The same old thing for every one of the individuals who do yoga, yet it is likewise experimentally affirmed: yoga sets you feeling great. One investigation thought about three gatherings: the first did yoga for four months, the second did cycling, and the third did nothing unique. Aftereffect of the races? Yogis rested better, had more vitality, felt progressively adaptable,

EBAY YOGA ONLINE IN PAKISTAN

 would be advised to associations with their families, were more joyful, had increasingly self-assurance and were increasingly happy with their lives. Also, which doesn't ruin anything, they were increasingly lovely.

In 2010, the University of Maryland completely inspected more than 80 investigations contrasting yoga with different types of game.

Result: yoga is as acceptable or superior to different games to diminish dread, stress, exhaustion, torment and cholesterol, to keep up a decent mental parity and to expand positive state of mind and personal satisfaction, both socially and expertly.

"It spared my life," says American Amy Weintraub, who relates in Yoga for depression(Harmony, 2003) that she lived for quite a long time in a sort of haze. Antidepressants were pointless. At that point she found yoga. Not exactly a year later, she had the option to dispose of the medications she had been taking for a long time, she was remembering. Research led on the synapse GABA (it helps battle despondency and has a sedating impact) offers clinical help for this experience. It is demonstrated that the GABA level can increment by 27% from a first yoga meeting of 60 minutes. Among the individuals who had been doing yoga for a long time, this expansion was 47% and among a member who rehearsed five times each week, the expansion even arrived at 80%.

In addition to the fact that yoga is a characteristic upper, however it likewise helps battle nervousness. Youthful artists who did two yoga meetings daily endured substantially less stage dread than the artists in the benchmark group. They additionally felt less strain, for example, sadness or outrage. The Harvard scientist who did this investigation - and who himself has a yoga tangle under his work area - revealed to William Broad: "Yoga breathes life into them at the time." It gives them delight and vitality while they make music. " A year later, a large portion of the artists were still yoga and asserted that their melodic exhibitions are improved were found.

Most yoga educators are very much assembled; they are thin, have a pleasantly strong outline, wonderful rear end ... so the act of yoga diminishes ... Correct? Not actually, answers William Broad. Yoga eases back breathing, and along these lines the heartbeat, brings down pulse and the requirement for oxygen. The body needs less vitality and in this way consumes less calories. One investigation found that the digestion of men who did yoga eased back somewhere around 8%. Among ladies, this log jam could arrive at 18%. Since the body consumes calories all the more gradually, in principle, we should put on weight by eating a similar thing as by not doing yoga.

How could it be that we see not many overweight yogis? Yoga impacts the formation of stress hormones. It altogether diminishes the measure of cortisol, the pressure hormone. Cortisol is answerable for the amassing of fat on the midsection: a hold for times of shortage. By simply holding one stance - Cobra - for three minutes, the cortisol levels of study subjects diminished by 11% by and large. Less pressure and better rest on account of yoga accordingly bring down the measure of cortisol and help to remain thin.

IMPORTED YOGA ONLINE IN PAKISTAN

What's more, yoga causes you eat better since you are progressively touchy to what is sound and what isn't. We rest easy thinking about ourselves and are in this way less inclined to enthusiastic yearnings.

At the point when pioneer Marco Polo first showed up in Quite a while, he noticed that yogis could satisfy 200 years. He may have been overstating a bit, yet it is striking that the realized yogi aces have all arrived at a good age: Krishnamacharya lived until 101 years, his devotee Indra Devi - writer of the book Forever Young! - as long as 102 years of age, Pattabhi Jois up to right around 94 years of age, BKS Iyengar as long as 96 years of age. (In any case, the facts confirm that Yogananda passed on at 60 years of a cardiovascular failure ...)

Yoga keeps you youthful, it's experimentally demonstrated. The parts of the bargains, called telomeres, get shorter each time a phone separates. The length of a telomere consequently halfway vouches for an individual's "energy". Interminable pressure (and undesirable nourishment) assaults telomeres. Fortunately you can hinder the organic clock by lessening pressure. An investigation of 24 men who rehearsed one hour of yoga every day for six days indicated that their telomerase, the restoration of telomeres, had expanded by 30%. This restoration can even happen even at a propelled age. So it's never past the point where it is possible to begin yoga!

The state of your spine likewise demonstrates your degree of energy. Yoga practices advance blood dissemination and the inventory of supplements to the intervertebral plates. An adaptable spine is an indication of youth. Also, yoga animates bone recovery and along these lines battles osteoporosis.

"Take in and out profoundly to flow more oxygen through your body. " This is the sort of sentences that flow in numerous yoga classes, and everybody cherishes them. Truly to crisp oxygen! Tsk-tsk, this account of oxygen is just a legend. Profound or shallow breathing doesn't change the oxygen level in the blood. "The pace of breathing can be exceptionally slow or very quick, it won't influence the O 2 level in any capacity ," 

AMAZON YOGA  ONLINE IN PAKISTAN

composes Broad. The air around us is soaked with O 2 , and hemoglobin, the protein in our red cells that ingests oxygen and transports it from the lungs to the tissues, is additionally immersed with oxygen, even very still.

Regardless of whether the facts demonstrate that our body can assimilate pretty much oxygen, it doesn't rely upon breathing, yet is identified with pulse, muscle action and digestion. Exceptional cardiovascular games, for example, running and swimming, increment the left ventricle, which siphons oxygen-loaded blood to muscles and tissues. Be that as it may, to accomplish this outcome, you need to rehearse these games for a considerable length of time. Shouldn't something be said about increasingly concentrated types of yoga, for example, Bikram or Ashtanga? Any individual who has made ten Sun Salutations straight realizes that their pulse is influenced. Various investigations show that Sun Salutations have an effect on physical condition, an impact practically identical to that of a lively walk.

Also, really… when I wind up perspiring all over my yoga tangle during the Bikram class, I feel my pulse increment impressively. I ask Broad the inquiry which concedes: "Little research has been done on this exact subject. Numerous things have not yet been examined.

Yoga is useful for your wellbeing - TRUE!

Do you have a feeling that you become ill less regularly since you began yoga? It's totally conceivable. Studies show that yoga improves the invulnerable framework. The digestion eases back down, which diminishes pressure and circulatory strain just as the pulse. As cardiovascular infection is the greatest executioner in the Western world, yoga can assume a significant job in general wellbeing. It diminishes chance elements for cardiovascular sickness: elevated cholesterol, glucose and fibrinogen (a protein that causes blood clumps). Truth be told, specialists note this in discussions: patients who do yoga go less frequently to the clinic, take less medication and have less heart issues.

Wide made another amazing disclosure during his mission for the impacts of yoga: the impact of yoga on the vagus nerve. It is the most significant nerve in our body. It plummets from the brainstem and partitions to go to the lungs, heart, stomach and liver. This nerve manages the safe framework. The developments and moderate breathing during yoga practices invigorate it, which helps battle irritation and immune system sicknesses, for example, stiffness. An investigation of 64 patients with ailment has demonstrated that a concentrated seven day stretch of yoga can help mitigate the infection. Surely, the rheumatoid factor had diminished in the blood and it was simpler for them to hold objects, get up and walk.

Yoga isn't hazardous - FALSE!

"Yoga can't hurt," acclaimed master Gitananda once said. In any case, Broad says that rehearsing yoga isn't constantly innocuous and that it can cause genuine injury. What's more, this hazard is just expanding in our cutting edge society where we go from one extraordinary to the next. Sitting the entire day behind a work area, at night, one winds in impossible positions. An ever increasing number of styles of yoga never again accentuate where it ought to be: on the rub and nunc , on breathing, on the sentiment of the body and rather center around appearance and execution.

Expansive notices American yoga educators who have totally decimated their hips, back or knees for doing poor stances for a considerable length of time. At the point when you are harmed in yoga, it is for the most part at the joints: wrists, lower legs, knees, shoulders and neck. The tendons that quandary bones and joints are extended excessively. From that point forward, they never again recover their unique shape, the joints are along these lines excessively free and are never again upheld enough. This hazard is expanded in certain types of hot yoga, the warmth making it simpler to extend - and to an extreme - the muscles

[olaluwe]

The nation’s foremost tertiary institution, University of Ibadan, UI, was agog; all roads led to the apex institution. Between 20 and 21 September 2017, the school was beehive of activities, academics, writers, poets and several others thronged the institution for a common purpose and goal. That was to celebrate a poet, a literary icon, Christopher Okigbo who passed on 50 years ago. Okigbo lived between August 16, 1932 and September 1967, he was a literary giant whose works live on despite the fact that many of those who terminated his life 50 years ago had long been forgotten.

The event in form of a conference was the golden jubilee anniversary of the demise of Okigbo. The conference was organised by Okigbo Foundation, COF, in collaboration with UI, through her Departments of English and Classics, Faculty of Arts. In attendance at the opening ceremony held at the institution’s Trenchard Hall were renowned literary icons, scholars, publishers, traditional leaders, academics and socio-cultural groups, family and friends of the deceased.

The conference has the theme: “Legacy of Christopher Okigbo-50 years.” Deputy Vice Chancellor, Academic, UI, Prof. Yinka Aderinto; Prof. Olutayo Charles Adesina, Prof. Olu Obafemi, Prof. Oluwatoyin Jegede, Prof. Babatunde Omobowale, Prof. Mufutau Temitayo Lamidi, Prof. Ademola Omobewaji Dasylva, Prof. Dele Layiwola, Prof. Ayo Ogunsiji, Dr Doyin Aguoru, Dr Kazeem Adebiyi, Dr Tunde Awosanmi, Governor Abiola Ajimobi of Oyo State represented by his Deputy, Chief Moses Adeyemo Alake; Ambassador Judith Sefi Attah, Kunle Ajibade, Executive Editor of The News Magazine; Chief Joop Berkhout, Chairman, Safari Books Limited, and Bankole Olayebi, Director, Bookcraft Limited were among the participants.

Setting the agenda of the day, COF Chairman, Okey Okuzu, said that the goal of the foundation was to restore to Okigbo the place he deserved internationally and to further his humanist vision and ideal through the promotion of contemporary creation in Nigeria and cultural exchange worldwide. Addressing the conference, the Vice Chancellor, UI, Prof. Abel Olayinka, who was represented by the institution’s Deputy Vice Chancellor, DVC, Administration, Professor Emilolorun Ayelari described Okigbo as a literary giant, and icon of African literature, who was famous for his exploits in the genre of poetry “He was one of the early African writers who later came to define what is today known as modern African poetry. As a member and pioneer of what literary critics today refer to as the Ibadan School of Poetry, Okigbo is unarguably the crest bearer of his generation of poets, the generation often described as the modernist or obscurantist. The University of Ibadan is proud of his contributions to the evolution of this school. “Though simultaneously famous and notorious for his style of versification, some of the major strengths of Okigbo as a poet were his prophetic vision and capacity for myth-making. As a poet with prophetic endowment, intimations of the political crises and the Nigerian civil war had been foreshadowed in his poetry long before the events actually happened. This prophetic vision is one of the qualities that continues to endear his works to generations of literary critics and readers of his works. Even his most inveterate critics recognise this gift of his”, he said. Olayinka explained: “Perhaps, Okigbo’s significance as a literary icon is best measured not just by what he did as a poet, but by the effects of such deeds. His works have continued to inspire many poets of succeeding generations. His works have also continued to generate enduring bodies of criticisms, which also continued to enrich African literary scholarship. There is no African anthology of poetry devoid of regional, national or temporal limitations that does not feature Christopher Okigbo. Okigbo has been listed in Encyclopedias, yearbooks and has been the subject of many conferences, dissertations, doctoral theses and book length studies. There is no doubt that UI shares in these achievements since Okigbo was a product of our prestigious university. This is why the university will always be interested in sustaining his legacy”. Delivering a paper titled, “Why Okigbo Matters,” Prof. Dan Izevbaye provided a description of the poetry of Okigbo. According to him, Okigbo’s earliest poems, lyrics in ‘The Horn and Black Orpheus’ published between 1958 and 1961, are modelled mainly on Igbo musical forms, as well as elements of Latin and Italian poetry. This shows that Okigbo was not deracinated but cosmopolitan, and also firmly rooted in his culture of origin. It also shows the central role of music in his composition.” He said that Okigbo’s poetry and poetics were shaped by historical necessity in the form of the cultural encounters that produced the translation of African cultures into their modern forms. “With the approach of independence in the 1950s and ‘60s, the new African elite had a choice – to continue from a colonial to a neo-colonial status, or to seek a distinct identity by re-examining the cultures in which they function and the institutions that regulated their lives. The translation of their European experience into new forms of identities and institution was the necessary solution to the alternatives of a subaltern status for colonised cultures, which included their imperfect control of the vehicles of communication between the cultures of the colonised and the colonisers, with particular regard to language, worldview, institutions and lifestyles”, Izevbaye said Izevbaye further noted that this activity of adapting the two sets of inherited forms and institutions into new ones was evident, not only in the language and worldview of the emergent African language literature by the generation of Okigbo, Chinua Achebe, John Pepper Clark and Wole Soyinka, but also in the enabling cultural and institutional contexts of the literature. This context includes the formation of new forms of knowledge that were similar in composition to the syncretism of African Christianity. Izevbaye pointed out that Okigbo’s form of poetry was distinct: “The form of his poetry was distinct from those of his contemporaries with whom he shares many features of this mixing of the modernity and traditional, only because the process of translating his sources into the final product was more explicit than usual. The generation and incubation of his creative forms, an early stage of the creative process, was stamped on the final product for the reader to see”. Izevbaye added that Okigbo maximally utilised ‘The Horn,’ the student creative writing magazine of the English Department of the University of Ibadan, which was edited by Clark where the early poems were first published and ‘Black Orpheus,’ an organ of black cultural awareness and creative edited by Ulli Beier, Soyinka and Ezekiel Mphahlele, as well as the Mbari Club to bring out his poems out of their privacy to the knowledge of an audience that was being weaned from the literary culture of the West. He added that Heinemann was the other important publishing resource for Okigbo’s poetry, which fulfilled his wish for an international audience. He pointed out that Okigbo’s entry into the field of conflict was an act of heroism, but noted that some did not see it as such. “But a modern battlefield is more often a field of slaughter and sacrifice than field of heroes. Sadly, modern warfare and weapons of war cannot differentiate between a poet and the ordinary soldier. The response by the literary community to Okigbo’s death ranged from unbelief and grief culminating in the tributes collected by Achebe in ‘Don’t Let Him Die,’ to the now infamous fictional trial of the victim set up by Ali Mazrui. Mazrui, was not, of course, the only dissenter to Okigbo’s choice. Heinemann’s James Currey, who understandably had a corporate interest in the matter, described Okigbo as a Biafran major who “went off and got himself killed in Byronic style, at a road junction”, the scholar added. According to Izevbaye, “Okigbo’s poetic development was a progression from the personal exploration of the self in the early poems, to a re-connection with his community in form of the religious sacrifice to his domestic gods, followed by a concern with the fate of suffering heroes like Awolowo and Lumumba, ending with his political engagement in the last poems preparing him for his heroic sacrifice. The poetry finally incorporates the heroic element that had not been prominent in the earlier poetry because it was the product of an age where the heroic ethos was lacking, bringing out the satirical elements in the last poems Speaking on Okigbo, Prof. Wole Soyinka said that he was happy when he was told about the programme which would feature huge feast, lot of talks, reminiscences, and serious literal analysis, stating that he was equally happy at the aspect of Izevbaye’s paper which touched on the music aspect of Okigbo. “Chris used to accompany me on the piano right here. Chris used to compose musical pieces, short pieces. Chris was a multivalent person. Chris was a musical person. The soul of Chris was music and I am glad that aspect of him has been expressed this afternoon”. He said, “One of the things that was not known about Chris was that he was a teacher. He was an assistant principal of Fiditi Grammar School at one time. Chris was one of the genuine renaissance people of our generation. He was a Poet, musician, gregarious, an activist and at the same time, a great introvert. I remembered a lot of times we would be downstairs at Cambridge House, maybe his steward has prepared lunch or snack. “I would go upstairs and say Chris, we were all ready now. And I just found Chris in one of those very contemplative moods, out of that mood, marked down one line of a poetry, which he would then later on read to me or to us and say I had been busy working on that particular line at that time. He was not just an armchair activist. He arrived at a certain point of conviction. I meant putting his life on the line and not many of us do that. It was the most important legacy”. Soyinka confided that Christopher was a chicken thief, stating, “He was a chicken thief. I ate out of it. When he was teaching in Fiditi, and I used to drive out of campus to go and stay with him, Chris never had food in his house. He had a little backyard. Chris would spread grains of corn on a side of the fence. He made a little hole in the fence. Those chickens would come through the hole and Chris would catch the chicken, dinner. I confessed, I participated in the eating of the stolen chicken but I swear I never killed one chicken”. Speaking, Prof. J. P. Clark, said that Nigerians were seeking restructuring because there was a need for a genuine system that would make everyone to have a true sense of belonging. He said that by joining Biafra army, Okigbo was just asking for the restructuring of the nation, stressing that ever since the death of Chris, nothing had changed. In his paper, titled, “Okigbo, the Martyr”, Hon. Chudi Offodile lauded the University of Ibadan for nurturing the most creative and most talented of Nigeria’s post-colonial generation, including Christopher Okigbo and Prof. Wole Soyinka In his paper, titled, “Okigbo, the Martyr”, Hon. Chudi Offodile lauded the University of Ibadan for nurturing the most creative and most talented of Nigeria’s post-colonial generation, including Christopher Okigbo and Prof. Wole Soyinka. Describing Okigbo as a martyr, as he died fighting for the freedom of his people of Biafra, Offodile pointed out that he was relying on the comments of Chinua Achebe in his book, “There was a Country” and Soyinka’s “The Man Died.” According to him, Achebe described Okigbo as the finest Nigerian Poet of his generation, noting that he conjured up for the world, an amazing, haunting, poetic firmament of a wild and violent beauty. Achebe, according to Offodile, wrote that when Okigbo decided to join the Biafran army, he went to a great length to conceal his plan, making up a story about a secret mission to Europe and that by the time he saw him two weeks later, he had become a major by special commission in the Biafran Army. “On his own part, Soyinka, who was detained by the Gowon regime on his return to Nigeria wrote from prison: “Of the many ghosts that haunt me here, the most frequent and welcome are the ghosts of dead relations, grandfather and the two ghosts of Christopher Okigbo, Adekunle Fajuyi… Banjo and Alale also visit, but hardly as ghosts”. Soyinka also recounted an encounter with Okigbo in a police cell in November 1965 which lasted several hours discussing poetry.” Offodile noted that because of what Okigbo considered to be grave injustice suffered by Easterners, with the declaration of Biafra in May 1967 and the war that followed in July 1967, he joined the army and headed to the battlefield. Two months into the war, in September 1967, he was killed in active combat in Nsukka sector and thus, he was a hero and was honoured posthumously with Biafra’s Medal of Honour. He contrasted Okigbo’s act with that of another alumnus of the University of Ibadan, Ukpabi Asika, who was opposed to Biafra. In his reminiscence, he said that Asika joined the federal side and accepted the role of Administrator of the defunct East Central state and he lived and died a Nigerian. Offodile, however, posed some rhetorical questions: “What if Asika had died in active service during the war, would he have qualified for martyrdom in the eyes of Nigerians? Is Asika a Nigerian hero? By the way, who are Nigeria’s heroes?” Offodile stated further, “Nigeria’s complicated history frustrates the march to nationhood as different sections of the country see things differently and oftentimes interpret the same set of facts differently. There cannot be two sides of truth. An account of events is either true or false. Our different accounts of historical facts cannot all be true and that makes the teaching of history rather problematic. “The solution is not to remove history as a subject in our school curriculum or to engage in the dangerous dance of pythons with needless fatalities, but to commit to the universal ideals of justice and fairness so that even with all our differences, applying the universal standards of justice, we can begin to pull closer, begin to see some things the same way and begin to forge a common worldview with the same heroes. Not different heroes for different ethnicities.” On his part, Chief Alex Olu Ajayi reminisced on how, as principal of Fiditi Grammar School in 1958, he brought on board Okigbo as his vice. This move, according to him, provided the turning point in Okigbo’s life and was the launching pad from which his poetic soul leapt, liberated and unbound into the freedom of the muse’s and prolific productivity of the avant garde he became. In his address titled “Memories of Chris Okigbo”, His Majesty Eze Chukwuemeka Ike, who chaired the occasion, recounted that he knew Christopher in January 1945, some 72 years ago. Recounting some memories he had with Christopher, he said, “One Sunday, after morning worship in the admin block, Christopher pleaded with me to accompany him to our principal’s office. There I was stunned to hear him offer to drive the principal home in his car, mentioning that I had consented to come along. Bewildered, Mr. Simpson went red momentarily. To my surprise, he handed the key to Chris, who started the engine professionally, and drove us smoothly to the principal’s official residence. While thanking me as we walked back to our dormitory, Chris mentioned that he had taken me along because I was one of the principal’s boys”. “Umuahia taught us to play the game of cricket with a straight bat. I earned a place in the 1st X1 cricket team by excelling in the straight bat. When, however, I scored a “pair of spectacles” in one of our annual cricket matches with Government College, Ibadan, I lost my place in the 1st X1. Chris, who played the “cross bat”, swimming his bat as the spirit moved him, became the top scorer. He not only remained in the 1st X1 but proceeded to win his colours in cricket! Because of his hatred of the subject Geography, Chris had difficulty finding enough subjects to fit into the available International Bachelor of Arts (London) programmes then available at University College, Ibadan. Inspired by the spectacular performances of Mr. Charles Low, our Australian teacher who was a Classical scholar as well as a poet and playwright, Chris registered for Latin, Greek, and ancient History. His brawn and brain saw him through”, he added. Eze Ike also pointed out that Chris as an undergraduate published a cyclostyled newspaper which he called ‘Varsity Weekly,’ which turned out to be a weekly only in name, adding that Chris was the proprietor, editor, correspondent, marketer and accountant for the newspaper. He added, “He took copies to the halls of residence. His eyes quickly scanned each room he entered, and he unobtrusively pulled out the cost of one copy from any wallet in the room, dropped a copy of the weekly, and left for the next room”. The monarch said they were both pioneer staff of University of Nigeria, Nsukka stating, “The African Writers Association soon emerged, involving both of us and others including Obi Wali, Mike Echeruo, et cetera. UNN saw the emergence of Chris as a talented poet with a unique, unconventional style. He would knock on my outer door at the crack of dawn, hand my wife an empty beer bottle and spoon, and instruct her to keep the rhythm, and thereafter invited both of us to listen to what came last night, namely his latest poem”. The monarch noted that the outbreak of the Nigeria/Biafran War in 1967 so touched Chris that he could not resist the urge to enroll in the Biafran Army, without military training. “I was at Stanford University, California, USA, from January to December 1966 when, as a result of the tragedy that befell Eastern Nigerians, Chinua Achebe, Chris, and many others fled home primarily from Northern and Western Nigeria. Chinua, Chris, Arthur, named Citadel Press, at Enugu, with Chris as manager. I was to join them on my return from Stanford. When I learnt that the first enemy air raid on Enugu had dropped a bomb in the premises of Citadel Press, I drove to Enugu to size up the situation. Providentially, Chris, taking a short break from the war front, was in his office. After giving me a hug, he described his unconventional troop formations which usually confounded the enemy. The watch on his wrist belonged to a white mercenary fighting for Nigeria, killed with a hand grenade lobbed by one of Chris’ courageous boys into the Nigerian armoured vehicle the mercenary was driving. I noticed your uniform has no rank, I observed. Yes, Chris replied with a smile. I’m a Major. If I wear my rank I will be obliged to salute a Lieutenant Colonel for whom I have no respect”. Also in a short address, Professor Kole Omotoso who spoke on “Okigbo, the family Man”, described Okigbo as a family man in the sense of the family of letters, and the family of writers. “I was nobody and yet he took this interest in me. He used to talk to me. Sometimes, he would read a couple of lines in his poetry and go to something else. He lived in this incredible house in Jericho where the carpet was totally white and fluffy. Then your fist hesitation is: do you go with your miserable tyre soled shoe/slippers on this beautiful thing or do you take them off? He was something close and something distance. He was that kind of person.” According to Omotoso, the last discussion he had with Chris was when he asked him when he would be coming back to Ibadan from the East, “He said he would come back. Of course, he never came back”. Former Dean, UI Faculty of Arts, Professor Remi Raji who spoke on “Okigbo, the Poet”, pointed out that Okigbo’s name would live for many generations that people would continue to read, stressing that he remained one of the few poets who have been honoured by his peers. “He was a highly influential poet whose imprint is seen everywhere”, Raji added. The conference was rounded off on Thursday September 22 with paper presentations on the conference sub-themes with three panels chaired by Prof. Ayo Banjo, Prof. Dan Izevbaye and Prof. Abdulrasheed Na’Allah. Source : UC News.

[bonerhitler]

Super Robot Wars V is spectacular.

A while ago I briefly spilled some word soup about Super Robot Wars, and mech anime in general, and one day I'd like to dig in deep and write more about giant robots because oh snap do I love giant robots. But for now I'm going to talk about Super Robot Wars V because I am still playing this game and loving every minute of it. Hours, really. Stages are taking an hour or more to complete now and it's eating my life away.

So, what makes V in particular so great is that it has an English translation. Bandai has been doing a thing lately where a lot of their series that would otherwise never get localized have been getting English subtitles for their SEA releases, which is fantastic if you're not adverse to paying crazy import prices. Quality of these translations has been a bit rocky, another SRW game “Moon Dwellers” wasn't the best in terms of translation quality, but V's translation is generally decent. There are a few names that are mistranslated such as the Doven Wolf from “ZZ Gundam” being hilariously called the Dooben Wolf. Generally, however, the translation is fine. It's refreshing to be able to play through an entire SRW game where the whole story is translated, as prior to these releases there were only a handful of complete fan patches.

Gameplay-wise V is much like any other of the recent SRW games with a few streamlined quality of life changes. Now you can use Spirit skills directly from the pre-combat screen whether you're attacking or defending. On one hand it's nice to be able to save a unit if you're the victim of an unlucky one-percent hit that nearly wipes them out, but on the other hand it does make the game a bit too easy when you can ensure that every character that gets attacked can always protect, evade or heal to survive an attack.

The only other major change from the typical SRW Format is a fairly large one; pilots don't earn skill points anymore. Before you would have to level up each individual pilot and teach them skills and enhance their stats one by one and it was all very tedious and rather uninteresting in all honesty. That has all been replaced with the “TAC” system, you gain TAC Points by killing enemies, meeting certain requirements (usually events based on the canon-storyline of the stage) and then spend them how you see fit. They're used to buy extra parts for your mechs, such as boosters to add more mobility, or to customize your pilots. And boy howdy has pilot customization been expanded.

Previously you would just upgrade your pilot's stats and that was that. They would learn skills as they leveled up, but nothing too involved went on. Now with the TAC system you can do that by spending your TAC points to level their raw stats. Or you can spend those points on pilot skills. These skills range from the more simple ones such as “Proud Ace” which lets you earn the Ace and Great Ace titles ten kills earlier, and “Save Energy” which lowers energy consumption by a small percentage based on how many ranks you put in. To the hilariously broken like “Attacker” which adds twenty percent to your attack once your pilot gains high enough focus, and “Full Counter” which always lets your unit attack first. You're given more than enough slots per-pilot that customizing them in almost any way you see fit is possible, the only limit is how many TAC points you can save up and spend. Whether you want to dump all those points on your specific favorites, or spread the love to the whole team is up to you.

Otherwise gameplay is largely the same. Each mission you're given an objective, a failure quota and a bonus objective. You gain bonus money for meeting the side objective but it's not required, and you're tasked with hitting your objective whatever it is. Usually it's just to kill all the dudes that show up. Sometimes it's just to kill one dude, and any others that show up are bonus cash and TAC Points. You're given a list of available mechs and choose who to launch and have at it. This game heavily favors the UC Gundam cast, and I love it for that. You quickly get the “Crossbones Gundam” stars Tobia and Kincade  and eventually build up a star cast of Judeu (Zeta Gundam), Hathaway (from the novel series Hathaway's Flash), Amuro (Mobile Suit Gundam, ZZ Gundam, and Char's Counterattack) and even Kamille (Zeta gundam) as well as Banagher from “Gundam Unicorn”. Meanwhile the cast of Getter Robo: Armageddon make an appearance as well with Ryoma in his Black Getter serving as an excellent unit for a third of the game before being replaced by the amazing Shin Getter and later the Shin Getter Dragon rears its head as well.

Stealing the show, however, are the Mazinger Z units. Starting with designs straight out of “Mazinger Z: The Impact!” you have the famous Mazinger Z and Great Mazinger which later upgrade into the Mazinger ZERO, from it's own titular manga series, and the Mazin Emperor G, a new mech created just for this game which they went so far as to produce new figures of timed with the game's release for some boost in marketing. Visually speaking a lot of the game's effort and budget went into designing and animating these two monsters alone, and it shows with how fantastic they look when doing their special attacks.

Other series that make appearances are Martian Successor Nadesico (based on the movie rather than the excellent series), Cross-Ange, Space Battleship Yamato 2199, Full Metal Panic, Neon Genesis Evangelion (The rebuilds, rather than the original series) and surprisingly Brave Express Might Gaine.

There's not a whole lot to say about the plot, for the most part it's an adaptation of a few core series' plotpoints with a decent focus on Cross-Ange, Gundam Unicorn and Space Battleship Yamato while the other series slot in when and where they can. But one really interesting thing this game in particular does is that it improves the endings of several of them vastly. Without spoiling it, I'm just going to say that it doesn't end on the dreary would-be teaser that the Nadesico movie does, and Unicorn doesn't just end on a lame note with the villain vanishing into dust because he was literally nothing but a ghost. Even Evangelion gets a better ending because it doesn't leave players hanging on for a sequel that might never happen for a few years. So in some ways, it's incredibly satisfying to see better endings for series, and especially a few key characters, than the original series ever bothered to.

As a final note I'd like to say everyone should go watch Getter Armageddon because it's amazing, it's second opening theme is spectacular and it plays every time one of the getter machines gets into a battle and I love it. If you at all like Super Robot Wars or have ever been interested but found the lack of localization difficult then this is an excellent chance to hop in feet-first. It's got all of the series mainstays, a ton of good music, the gameplay is pretty peak and there's just no going wrong with any of the cool  mechs and characters on display here.

[dyingrabbit]

Negated Universe Misadventures - Chapter One

(I thought maybe it would make more sense to post the full chapters here rather than link to fanfiction.net. Kinda long. Sorry to make to scroll for 5 full seconds. Also SPOILERS for Madoka Magica.)

Humor/Dark

Subjective narrator (Homura Akemi)

Word count: 3898

“Fuck” count: 33

Eco Round (Attempt #26)

I'm not gonna say I saw it coming, because that would be vain of me, but I sure as hell knew something was bound to get fucked up this time.

Trying to take down Walpurgisnacht at less than full strength was already pushing it. If Sayaka hadn't gone and blown herself up earlier this would have been a much more feasible operation. But our numbers disadvantage notwithstanding, we were still fucking it up. Kyouko was way out of position, getting distracted by the adds and Mami couldn't seem to land a single fucking shot to save her life. I was clearly the only person who could get anything done. Unfortunately even I can't carry all the time so everybody died again.

Fuck this shit.

Upon reset I awoke to a familiar ceiling. At this juncture I considered a great many things. I had almost lost count of how many times I'd started over by giving this little buckler a spin and all of my runs were becoming confused and hazy. Twenty-five times now I had rushed headlong into this damned loop and each new attempt yielded nothing.

Was I worn out? Certainly. It's no fun seeing your efforts go unrewarded. It's another thing entirely for them to fucking zap out of existence.

Did I regret putting myself up to this? Not quite. Saving Madoka was still priority number one and it wouldn't do any fucking good for anyone if I started feeling bad for myself now.

What was clear was that nothing seemed to be working. It always ended in Madoka dying or turning into a witch. It was one of the universal constants of the timeline. Another thing that was oddly prevalent was Mami dying very early. It wasn't always the same perpetrator, but the cause of death was almost invariably decapitation. There were a surprising number of ways, it turned out, for Mami to lose her head along the course of events. So noticeable was this phenomenon that on the last occasion I actually chuckled quietly to myself.

But in any event, what I needed right now was to strategize. Throwing myself at this brick wall wasn't working so I needed to adapt in order to succeed. What did that entail? In order to beat this time loop I needed to know it from front to back. I needed to find out what made it tick and precisely how to exploit it. For starters, I needed a control run.

To be fair, I also needed a break. This shit was getting fucking exhausting and I was hardly up to jumping right back in again. So there's two dead birds.

Step one was getting money, a practice I had perfected several resets ago. The ability to stop time was a pretty fucking hard counter to any security system designed by man, so I won't bore you with the trivial details. In essence, I robbed a few banks. I stopped feeling bad about it a while ago. The world ended if I fucked this up so I rightfully deserved to have any and all resources at my disposal.

Step two was having a spa day. This was probably the most fucking critical part of the plan so I paid special attention to making sure it was done properly. This entailed no expenses being spared. Importantly, it meant going to the most expensive spa in Mitakihara City, a super classy looking joint called "Subarashi Onsen".

I gave a cursory scan to the brochure in the lobby and quietly cackled, knowing that each and every feature advertised was getting purchased. Even if some of them were mutually exclusive. I didn't give a damn if I had to be there all day, nothing was fucking sacred.

As it happened, the spa's accommodations were somewhat exhaustive and I did in fact end up spending all day there. But the lost day was something of a necessary sacrifice to ensure the rest of the plan went smoothly. Who knows how catastrophic a failure may have arisen if this first step hadn't been executed correctly. It made me shudder just thinking about it. Frightening shit, no doubt.

Alright, step three was pretty fucking boring and tedious but it was technically required according to my outline. I just needed to watch everyone for a while. I wasn't allowed to do anything really. This run was all about getting a solid baseline so I could then semi-directly measure the cause and effect of my actions.

It also meant taking a shit ton of notes. That was fine, as I was a pretty ace note taker, but it also sucked pretty bad because all of my calculations would be based on them and the level of abstraction that would be required of me at the drop of a hat wasn't particularly conducive to easily resolvable data points. I needed to be everywhere, at all times, making systematically unfounded assumptions, and I needed to be correct every time. I needed to be almost entirely omniscient for this to work even slightly. Fortunately my handy little time travel ability made this prerequisite a bit less damning.

Stage one, I suppose, was my classroom introduction. Since I had no intention of reverting to the helpless pleb I had been prior to meeting Madoka for the first time, I felt no desire to alter my current appearance. Still, Madoka recently seemed to recognize me at first sight due to dreaming about me in the previous timeline. So I did need to change something. The glasses would have to do.

So instead of walking in like the drop dead gorgeous yet undeniably bad ass goddess I had been known as for the past several time loops, I settled for walking in as a slightly less gorgeous and bad ass yet very studious looking goddess. The students were impressed, as they always were.

This was generally the only fun part about the whole process. At one point or another fighting the witches was pretty fun, but now that I knew all their moves it was getting dull. The only thing that I found pleasing anymore was the complete adoration I received from these poor impressionable middle schoolers. I put an ungodly amount of effort towards making these kids comment on my hair. Eventually it paid off. I now consistently get one or two girls asking me what shampoo I use. It's disgusting but dangerously addictive.

This time I unfortunately wouldn't get to show off quite as much for fear of drawing too much attention to myself. This meant no more breaking the pole vaulting prefectural record or absolutely killing my math professor's white board problems. But like hell was I gonna drop my fabulous hair. Fuck my spreadsheets. If my curtain of raven black locks was going to significantly alter the timeline then god dammit so be it. After writing my name on the board and wishing everyone a good year I assumed my seat and proceeded to begin note taking.

Madoka, for her part, did steal a few glances in my direction after I sat down. This was to be expected, as I'm difficult to not stare at, but additionally she had probably ID'd me from her dream. It couldn't really be helped. I could have worn a mask or gotten plastic surgery, but those ideas could just as easily go fuck themselves. At least I didn't look exactly like I probably did in the dream. I had the bright red glasses for one. I also had put a concerted effort towards smiling a little bit to hide the stone cold bitch stomper within. That and I made a point not to make eye contact with Madoka. With any luck, she'd think it was all in her head.

After a bit, she seemed to settle down and focus on the lecture. When break came, A few students came to welcome me to the class. I graciously answered each of their questions with poise and class, even the bullshit ones. Then someone asked about the shampoo. I still get a little elated every time, so I launched into my spiel.

"Actually, that's an interesting question. There was a brand that I used to use called-" I was cut off by a really obscenely asinine ringtone.

"Oh. Sorry, Akemi-san. I've gotta take this."

Fucking hell. I couldn't have even one moment of mild satisfaction it seemed. Taking advantage of the lull, Madoka approached me with a timid smile.

"E - excuse me it's Akemi-san, right?" She meekly inquired.

Okay, this was game time. No margin for fuck-ups here. We were gonna play this real cool but also a little guarded.

I nodded while saying, "Yep, that's my name. And you?"

Fucking nailed it. Madoka looked a little relieved that I came across as a normal person and proceeded to introduce herself.

"I'm Madoka Kaname, nice to meet you." We politely shook hands.

This time I didn't ask her to take me to the nurse's office. I went and ate lunch alone from a strategic perch. Not a whole lot of shit was poised to happen at school but vigilance was never a bad thing. Right now the only pieces on the board were Madoka herself and that Sayaka bitch. Things don't really get interesting until after school when they visit that music store.

Stage two was the all important encounter with Kyubey and Mami at the music store. This is generally where I initially make a major impact on the timeline. So this time I anticipated the meeting to play out much differently.

Much to my chagrin, it didn't really. Generally I would rush in here, shoot up Kyubey, and narrowly avoid a confrontation with Mami before peeling out. Now that I thought about it I don't really do much here. This time Kyubey lured Madoka and Sayaka into the witch's labyrinth whilst feigning being under duress.

Fucking bastard.

This forced Mami into rescuing them and revealing her magical abilities. Mami then takes them to her apartment where she talks about the pros and cons of the whole business. Almost exactly the same except no intervention from me. In addition I hadn't blown my cover or given the others a bad impression of myself, so this was already an improvement. That was going in the notebook for sure.

They spent the next couple of days casually tracking down familiars and dispatching them with no trouble. Meanwhile, Sayaka had been granted that super gaudy club that she used to beat the shit out of adds. Madoka whiled away thinking about what she might wanna wish for and precisely how fucking pink and frilly her dress was gonna be. Things were progressing fairly nominally.

Soon they ought to face off against Charlotte and Mami will lose her fucking head. I imagine at this point, Sayaka and Madoka will both insta-contract with Kyubey and probably end up killing the shit out of Charlotte. I'm actually not sure what will happen after that. It really depends on how Sayaka takes the whole thing and how she reacts to Kyouko when she arrives. If they end up killing each other I won't have the man advantage I need to take out big ole' Walpy. But I'm getting ahead of myself now.

Stage three began with Madoka and Sayaka visiting that crippled violin player Kyousuke who Sayaka kinda dug for some reason. After leaving the hospital, they encountered the grief seed conspicuously sticking out of the wall.

Sayaka, the martyr that she is, usually volunteers to stay behind and camp the seed while Madoka goes and fetches Mami from her apartment. Except they both had their phones this time so they just called her up and she was there in a couple minutes.

I must have missed something because I'm not certain how my involvement makes these girls any less aware of their mobile devices. But at least I didn't have to hide in this bush any longer than was absolutely necessary. When Mami arrived, I sneakily followed everyone inside.

For what it's worth, a couple times I've actually managed to convince Mami that something was off with this particular witch. My success rate at keeping her alive through this portion is, nonetheless, lower than satisfactory. Nicer folks might call her free-willed, but the skeptics, the cynics, and the real deal pundits would just call her a fucking idiot. I, being all three of those things, had just about had it with Mami and her gung-ho attitude. It gave me a grim sense of satisfaction knowing she wouldn't be acting so feckless when she no longer had a head.

I silently cursed myself, though, for counting Mami out so quickly. After all, it's not like it was in my best interest if she bit the dust here. If it satisfied my personal vendetta for her to fail utterly without my assistance, that was neither here nor there. That being said, It didn't earn me any fucking brownie points to be optimistic and, given her past performance, objectivity implied a certain degree of pessimism at this stage.

The initiates proceeded into the labyrinth with something of a terrified amusement. Sure, they'd been around the block by now but It would be quite the hyperbole to assert that this particular block was in any sense adequate preparation for what they now faced. So it was good that they were frightened.

Mami on the other hand was practically skipping the entire time. Madoka had just told her that she had resolved to join the ranks as a magical girl. In that moment, all Mami's general misgivings about going it alone had subsided in a flood of tears and a shocking number of "Fuckin' A!" utterances. There were clearly some underlying mental issues here so it warranted taking a note.

Now, with the wind at their backs, they sailed into Charlotte's main chamber to do battle.

I've seen this fight play out several times by now. Generally speaking it doesn't go so well when I'm not involved at first. When Mami lets me assist her, I fuck Charlotte up so fast it makes her head spin. Everyone thinks I'm really cool after that, even if they thought I was a cold hearted bitch before. When Mami doesn't let me assist her, nine times out of ten she doesn't make it out alive.

On a few occasions, one or both of her shadowers have made contracts prior to the fight so it goes much more smoothly even when I'm not there. In all other cases, when I'm not present, Mami gets a big head about herself only to have it swiftly emancipated from the rest of her body. To put it bluntly, I expected to see a headless Mami with near certainty in the near future.

What did end up happening was a bit disappointing. Mami engaged her target with a blistering hail of musket fire for several seconds, as usual. Charlotte responded by doing pretty much nothing for a while, as usual. Mami pinned her against the far wall and initiated her big flashy finishing move whilst shouting "Tiro Finale!".

Nobody else had a finishing move. How vain of her.

After believing the kill was confirmed, Mami dropped her guard for a second. Charlotte sprung out of her doll form straight at Mami, opened her jaw wide open and started munching on the poor middle schooler's head. All of this was expected. I took no notes on this.

What wasn't expected was what happened next. Charlotte quickly finished working on Mami, or decided she'd better go and secure a couple more frags, and focused her attention on Madoka and Sayaka. Kyubey, always on the ball, immediately petitioned them to make contracts.

"Quickly! Make a wish so I can turn you into magical girls!". Sayaka, with an uncharacteristically clear head, instantly wished for Kyousuke's arm to be healed. The transformation process began at once. Madoka couldn't fucking pull herself together and just stared wide eyed at Mami's dismembered corpse.

"Now you, Madoka! There's no time! What is your wish?" Demanded Kyubey. Madoka looked helplessly between Kyubey and Mami's body. Then, wiping away her tears, she managed to eke out a few words.

"Uh, I'd like a really big cake-" In that instant Charlotte swung her head about, slamming into Madoka's fragile frame, and sending her flying into the wall. She impacted with a sickening crunch.

Shit. That wasn't supposed to happen.

It did give credence to my claim that they'd be dead without my help. I guess I hadn't fully believed myself though.

A cake. She wished for a fucking cake. Damn, now I wanted a cake. I made a note of these things.

That aside, It would have been something of an understatement to say that Sayaka was somewhat galvanized at this point. Her eyes were glazed over and a miasma of unadulterated hate oozed from her every pore. With a scream too ungodly for hell she streaked through the air to assail her nemesis.

If I hadn't just watched Madoka get fucking demolished, which was never easy, I'd have probably been a bit turned on by the whole display.

Sayaka slammed into Charlotte, blade first, driving her flailing, tube-like body straight to the ground. Rising quickly, she began mercilessly hacking at the witch's face. Unfathomable amounts of blood and gore gushed from each wound coating the once cute blue outfit Sayaka was wearing. She began syncopating expletives with each slash of her sword.

"YOU—PIECE OF—SHIT—FUCKING—BITCH—CUNT—MOTHER—FUCKER!" Holy shit this was hot. Her manic carvings had left her victim mangled and unrecognizable. With a last cry of utter despair, Sayaka drove her blade straight through Charlotte's face.

There was a horrific screech that reverberated off the walls. It was so immediately deafening that I dropped my notebook to cover my ears. But Sayaka remained motionless, her hands resting on the hilt of her sword which was still deeply embedded in the flesh of her enemy, and her head downcast. The screech increased in frequency until it was no longer audible. Then Charlotte exploded.

The labyrinth quickly dissipated, leaving only Sayaka, Madoka, and I in front of the hospital. Madoka was strewn about in a very unnatural manner. I could tell pretty easily that she was toast. Looked like almost every bone in her body was broken and Sayaka could tell that pretty easily too.

She crawled over to her friend and gingerly pulled her body up onto her lap. It seemed like she'd spent her allotted screaming budget in the preceding encounter and now all she could do was quietly sob. So she did. Her soul gem turned from bright blue to a depressing shade of navy.

Kyubey waited closely by in anticipation, no doubt upset that his big catch had all but gone to waste but, regardless, happy with the quick turnover of his most recent contractee.

Alright then. I quickly summarized the most important details of this engagement in my notebook: Mami dies. Madoka dies. Sayaka goes off on Charlotte. It's really bad ass and sexy. Charlotte is terminated. Sayaka despairs and turns into a witch. Good. Now I was calling it. The timeline was dead.

Facing no repercussions from exposing myself, I emerged from the bush that was my hiding spot and pulled a Desert Eagle out of my buckler. There was really no need for this to go any further so I decided to give Sayaka the old Of Mice and Men treatment, as it was the most merciful way to do this.

She either didn't hear me walking up behind her, or didn't care. I glanced over at Kyubey, who had just now noticed me, gave him the finger, and shot Sayaka in the back of the head.

No grief seeds for you, motherfucker.

Before resetting, I decided I'd indulge myself one last time. I really wanted some cake. Unfortunately, it was rather impossible to get rid of Kyubey after the show I'd given him earlier. Even after destroying his body he kept coming back to bug me with useless questions, mostly pertaining to who the hell I was and what I knew about witches and shit. Only after sitting down in a café and acquiring my cake did I begin to humor him.

"I'm basically your worst nightmare." I said, taking a bite of vanilla frosted angel food. "I can do this shit as many times as I fucking want to and you can't stop me." I was speaking a little unduly loud and the nearby patrons were giving me confused glances.

"I wouldn't be so confident, Akemi Homura-san." The Incubator countered, "It is a certainty that you will eventually see the futility of this endless cycle and succumb to despair."

Okay, I'll give this monster credit. He did make a good point. It was totally possible that if I didn't find a route with a good ending soon I was going to start losing it. But I could delay that. I just needed to make sure to pace myself. That's what this run was all about anyway.

At some point I was going to have to look at myself in the mirror and ask what I'd be willing to settle for, or if I'm willing to settle at all. What constituted a good ending, and if that was achievable. But that was for some other time.

I put the rest of the cake into a to-go box that the waitress had given me and awkwardly tried to shove the box into my magic bottomless storage unit. Meanwhile, Kyubey gazed at me with a look of bemused contentment or maybe seething angst. I couldn't really tell. He kinda just looked like a pedophile or a serial killer to me so It was tough to gauge his demeanor at any given time. In any event, I'm sure he thought he'd gotten to me with that last jab. Which he had, sort of. But fuck him, so what?

"Perhaps you're already losing hope, Akemi Homura-san." He said evilly.

I'd had enough of him. I'd like to say what I did next was in one smooth motion but If I'm being honest with myself it certainly didn't look all that practiced. That is, it was choppy as all hell.

First, I heroically jammed the rest of the cake box into my shield. Next, I grabbed some cash and left an equitable tip for the nice lady who had served me. Lastly, I grabbed Kyubey by the throat, threw him on the floor, and shouted,

"AM NOT! FUCK YOU!" before emptying my Deagle magazine into his chest.

Then I reset.

TO BE CONTINUED