#there’s a lot i don’t like abt this but i must post or i won’t stop fuckin around with it

[qbebou]

AREN’T YOU HAPPY?

[satoruwiki]

Naoya nsfw and sfw relationship headcanons pleeeaasse . He's a terribly guilty pleasure and not many people write him (probably because he's a toxic sh*t)

omg anon you’re so right bc who would want an absolute toxic misogynistic fuck of a man (me, i do/j) i was supposed to post this yesterday but i forgor, sorry! btw i may or may not be working a second version of the atrocious fic i did a few days ago abt him… if its of anybody’s interest…

͏͏͏͏ ͏͏͏͏ ♡₊˚ Naoya is the type of man to…𓈒 ˚ ⟡

content: jjk headcanons; half sfw/half nsfw; afab!reader; glimpse of the horrors you’d be going through as his partner lol

n/a: i’m making more content for naoya than my glorious blue eyed king lmao ;-;

these are my hcs! feel free to agree or disagree :b any request/interaction supporting this post is very much appreciated <3

sfw ver! ୨ৎ

Naoya is the type of man to… spoil you rotten. Not because you deserve it—maybe you do—but because one of Naoya’s biggest weaknesses is his pride and reputation, and yours affects his. He can’t have his gf/fiancée/wife wearing low-quality or average clothing, you have to look worthy of him (at least on the outside). So he will gift you kimonos made with the finest fabric and the finest accessories to pair with. If you’re smart enough, you might be able to take advantage of that and manipulate him to buy you whatever you want, but you better be kissing the soil he walks on afterwards.

Naoya is the type of man to… be overprotective and ridiculously jealous. You won’t be able to go out by yourself. Not without him being there or at least one of his servants, what if another man tries to have a conversation with you? What if you flirt back? He doesn’t trust you or anyone but himself. He has to make sure you aren’t fooling around. Besides, you’re so weak—or at least that’s what he thinks—you need someone to protect you. What if someone disrespects you? He can’t let that slide, the only one allowed to treat you poorly is him.

Naoya is the type of man to… secretly like your praises. He won’t tell you, of course, but he does like having someone recognizing his strength—the main reason he’s so protective of you, trying to look like a knight in shining armour—and how great he is on his day-to-day basis. He will be pissed whenever you get mad at him and don’t praise him. He won’t say it directly nor apologize for whatever he did, but you might find an ‘apology’ gift on your side of the bed. If it’s a mistake you did—which to him is always going to be your fault—an easy way to get him to be in a better mood is stroking his ego with lots of praise.

Naoya is the type of man to… expect you to be the perfect wife. Naoya is a very demanding man, he expects nothing but perfection. He expects you to always look pretty, cook, and clean, like your typical traditional wife. Being a conservative man, he will expect you to not speak when gathering with the other clansmen—or outside in general—unless you’re allowed to. It’s for your good, he’d hate for you to embarrass yourself.

Naoya is the type of man to… only marry you for benefits. In matters of love, he is quite unfeeling, however, to maintain his position as the head of the Hei, he must get married and have offspring. This burden, as he would call it, is likely to be done through an arranged marriage. Just because you were chosen over the other bachelorettes doesn't necessarily mean you're at the same level as him—you will always be below him, and perhaps unworthy of him to his eyes—but you're definitely better than the rest, or at least you were the prettiest one. You might be of use to him.

nsfw ver! ୨ৎ

Naoya is the type of man to… degrade the hell out of you. Naoya’s degradation IS NOT for the weak. If he already treats you relatively poorly daily, it gets worse when he fucks you. He’s also going to fuck you rough, so don’t even try to ask him to go slower, he won’t comply. Don’t worry though, he might make sure that you cum (even to the point of overstimulating you) as it boosts up his ego, it makes him think he’s so good he can have his partner squirting for him and begging for more—this is only when he's in a good mood though, otherwise, he couldn't care less if you cum or not.

Naoya is the type of man to… head push you on purpose for you to gag on his dick. He likes the messy and filthy look on your tear streaked face and drool running down your chin, it makes him want to shoot his load on you (which he will).

Naoya is the type of man to… slap you, during or outside sex. Naoya is very ill-tempered, he’s prone to get physical and slap you (just look at how he used to bully maki and mai) or have angry sex with you. Whether it was your fault or someone else’s, he’ll blow off some steam fucking you stupid, and expect you to have bruises frequently.

Naoya is the type of man to… punish you while fucking. Like I said before, Naoya is very prone to angry sex and will punish you as he fucks you. Expect lots of choking, spitting, clit and face slapping and probably your ass bruised as well as your scalp, he wont take in consideration of his strength and yank it hard.

Naoya is the type of man to… use you as his cum dumpster. He doesn’t care if you’re in the mood or not, that’s what you’re there for, basically. He just got back from a meeting with the clansmen and he’s stressed? Get on your knees and suck him off. He's mad? Bend over or spread your legs. You better not object or make any sort of complaint, just take it like a good girl. Chances are that you end up pregnant (because he’s the type to forbid you from using birth control), he hopes it's a boy or he’s gonna blame it on you. (even if he’s the one responsible for the baby’s gender but ok)

Naoya is the type of man to… have a feet kink. I literally have no explanation for this one, just look at his face and tell me he does not have a thing for feet 😭

[plum-pitt]

Holy shit. I just realized i’ve never even yapped about my headcanons for the rise guys. This is a criminal offense on my part! Must be rectified immediately!!

Disclaimer: Don’t think there’s a lot of hot takes here, but feel free to disagree and talk about your own interpretations if you’d like!! Headcanon is fun and i love discussing it. it’s all fictional and since the text doesn’t give us much concrete shit on these topics we’re all free to make our own, equally valid readings of it. :3

Leo- Transmasc He/Him, gay as fuck who here could’ve guessed, ADHD haver, definitely smokes weed. Fluent in spanish from watching telenovellas as a child. Wants to be a flirty whore/aff so fucking bad but whenever he sees someone he’s legitimately attracted to any charisma he might’ve had gets thrown out the window and into a woodchipper in favor of helpless stuttering. His portalling mishaps early in the series have led him to silly sidequests all over the world that he just,,,, doesn’t really talk about. This won’t come up until they’ll end up in some random ass place and find out just how well travelled and connected he actually is. He’s also got a job at Hueso’s for fun and extra cash to fund his addiction to pot and ordering stupid shit he doesn’t need online. He’s a server, wears rollerskates to “move faster” on the job, just ends up running into shit more often than not. Great with the kids tho, performs little sleight of hand magic tricks and tells jokes to make them happy, never had a fussy kid he couldn’t calm down in a snap. Calls himself Hueso’s nephew and nepotism hire, ignoring the fact that he’s actually a decently competent and well liked employee outside of the several skating related accidents. Shell was cracked badly in the invasion, when they sealed it up, he asked Mikey to paint the healed cracks gold, mimicking the japanese practice of Kintsugi.

Mikey- Definitely queer but not into labels ;3 He/Him is what he defaults to, but any pronouns work for them. Semi fluent in italian, don’t ask me why, just feels right, let chef boy speak italian dammit. One of those mfs on instagram who insists on posting pictures of the food he makes, except his actually looks good and not painfully mediocre so they get a pass. Has been tagging walls in hard to reach spots all over the city for years at this point, after Raph confronted her abt it, fearing that he’d get caught someday, he told him that he’d stop. Yeah, that was a lie he kept doing it, just sneakier now. Makes money off of art commissions, still broke as hell tho cuz he spends it all on bougie ass ingredients and art supplies. Post canon definitely delved more into mystics and spirituality, trains with draxum but also took up meditation in his free time. Fucks with weed and the occasional psychedelic when working on art, says it helps get the creative juices flowing. Considering asking donnie to forge some documents for him so he can attend college online and earn a psych degree. His speech patterns flip on a dime between vague, wise fortune cookie therapist man and typical gen-z slang so abruptly it gives anyone not already familiar with him total whiplash.

Donnie- NonBinary They/He Bisexual but i can’t decide if they’re the kind that can’t stop pulling or can’t pull to save his life. Fluent in several languages, ASL, French, Russian, Japanese. Actually one of their few acedemic endeavors that he doesn’t typically show off and gloat about, makes it all the scarier when his siblings hear him muttering vaguely threatening sounding shit in russian when shit doesn’t go their way. Has tried most substances for “research purposes”, ultimately decided he doesn’t like the feeling of their big ol brain being hindered under the influence, this has a few exceptions tho, mainly when it’s with Leo. Has John Bishops IP address and threatens to drop it on 4chan to “see what happens” every time he tries messing with their family or stopping him from “borrowing” material resources from the US government. Almost considered bs-ing his way into college before they used a cloaking broach to shadow april at school for like 2 days. It was there they learned that the education system fucking sucks and he probably knows more than most professors about his topics of interest anyway. Does freelance work for cash, as far as their brothers know they’re not building and selling anything dangerous (which is code for probably arming both sides in a far away military conflict with deathrays). Spends his free time cyber bullying children on roblox and twitter, and caring for their greenhouse of plants that all have names. (yes he grows weed. his GeniusGrown™️ zaza is known far and wide for its consistently excellent quality. and no, Leo does not get a family discount. Mikey does tho.)

Raph- Someone please send the big man some help😭 he/him(?) Definitely queer in some way shape or form but refuses to confront any identity crisis because he’s just so busy keeping his dumb ass siblings outta shit. Tried weed once and will never touch a substance again, makes his anxiety spike real bad when he doesn’t feel in full control of himself. Runs around with Cassandra and sometimes Jr to do vigilante justice on the side of he and his siblings’ usual patrols. Living garbage disposal and i mean that quite literally. He has and will eat anything, rocks, toys, silverware, sometimes on accident, sometimes on a dare, and sometimes just because he wants to. He grew up gnawing on the legs of furniture, rusty sewer pipes, really any nonliving thing that he could fit his choppers around (unlike donnie who just bit any living creature within a 5 mile radius of his location). Since the invasion made Leo step up as leader Raph has been able to step back a little bit and not have everything in a chokehold, he has a mini crisis about his place in the family and his sense of identity without being a leader. Tries to hide how much it’s affecting him but ofc, living with mikey, this does not last and his ass FINALLY gets chucked (very lovingly) into therapy. Loves to knit, definitely in some kind of old lady facebook group centered around it (he has so much nursing home gossip floating around in his brain hehe)

Alright that’s all for the teetlez. lmk if yall wanna hear about my thoughts on the rest of the main cast, or some of the side cast! Can’t promise i’ll have this much to say on all of em but i’ve definitely got thoughts lol. I might even make a post diving into different character dynamics. idk tho, my fingies are tired typing all that shit😭

Anyway i hope u enjoyed my ramblings, have a lovely day :3

[mewsmagic]

I DID NOT EXPECT TO DO ANOTHER ANALYSIS THOUGHTS WHATEVER POST BUT ARLECCHINO IS JUST TOO MUCH FOR MY NEURODIVERGENT BRAIN AND I NEED TO TALK ABT IT SO HERE WE GO AGAIN

Spoiler warning for Arlecchino’s character teaser!!!

If you haven’t yet, watch it here!!

Look look. I really did not expect Arlecchino to be comprehensive, understanding or merciful (of her children) since in the Fontaine trailer she was critical of Lyney and Lynette and we did have other harbingers calling her a wolf in sheep’s clothing and things like that

Oh fuck I screenshotted this at the wrong time LOLL anyway

BUT THEN SHE WAS SO KIND WITH THIS GIRL 😭😭

Despite telling her that she told her recklessness would lead to failure, she was not mad at her AT ALL – and I mean, completely fair, girl was literally on her deathbed – and instead decided to deal with the problem herself 😭😭😭😭😩😩😩🤯🤯🤯🤡🤡🤡 I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS FROM A SUPPOSEDLY “STRICT AND UNFEELING FATHER”

Also, this isn’t my main point but the way she showed up like fricking bogeyman and crushed the nasty man’s skull with her HEEL was insane (positively) for me

Anyway LOL then she went, killed him, exposed his crimes and robbed all his money SO SHE COULD ADOPT MORE HOMELESS CHILDREN LIKE PLEASE THIS IS EXTREMELY CHAD AND BASED OF HER

Not only that, but she went back to her child and saw her off herself 😭😭😭😭 this shot of her closing her eyes, gosh this made me really emotional, especially considering what comes next

She did mourn her death!!!! Not only that but she called her “her child”!!!!! Although she appears inexpressive, it must’ve been so hard to see the children you raised part like that.

And considering we’re talking about a whole orphanage, this is definitely not her first time, and won’t be her last either, it must be so hard to be the director of the House :(

Now, I gotta say I like her character even more after all this 😭😭😭😭

I am all for villains who are actually evil and nasty flawed people and I do like characters like that as well, but I feel like in Alrecchino’s case, it was kinda necessary for her to have a softer side?

I mean, again, we’re talking about an orphanage here. Her underlings are literally her own children, children like her who were abandoned at a young age, had nowhere to go and no one to take care of them. Not only that, but she has to train them to become underground agents and deal with dangerous situations at a young age. To become criminals even.

And this is all without even mentioning that she had to deal with generational trauma too. It’s a tendency for this type of children to become the opposite of their parents, and try to do better than them even if they do still have their own flaws. And I think this is shown wonderfully in Arlecchino.

She tries to put a front of a cold and strict father, but on the inside, she’s not as ruthless as she makes herself out to be. Even to the Traveler, who has been an “enemy” of the Fatui in various situations, she did not care about it and instead judged them to be a valuable ally (AND SHE WAS NOT WRONG!!!!)

It's really no wonder Lyney admires her and wants to be like her. Tbh I would feel the same way if I were in his shoes LOL Lynette and Freminet seem to respect her a lot as well, from what I've seen in the Archon quests and the story quests I mean.

I did not read all of the Hearth siblings lore however, so I may be missing some information about how she raised them, and there’s still the story quest and the Boss fight that still wasn’t released and I don’t look at this type of leaks LOL but still, you got my point!

Another point I wanna mention is that this front of cold, unfeeling and harsh could be considered her flaw, even if it’s just a mask.

I mean, it is considered a toxic trait to pretend to be something you’re not. It could be people pleasing (no shame btw I am one myself), could be narcissistic traits like the previous Knave showed, and it could be pretending to be tougher than you really are, like in Arlecchino’s case.

In this case, she’s not only neglecting her own feelings and not letting them out (i.e.: not crying for her child’s death for example), but it can give the wrong impression to her children as well.

It gives the impression that she doesn’t care about them, especially at a young age, and especially considering they’re homeless children who have already been abandoned by their biological parents, and by the world itself.

According to studies on psychology, this situation makes children even more vulnerable to insecurity, low self-esteem, and gives them even more need for emotional connection and reassurance, which Arlecchino doesn't give them bc she's cold.

So yeah, Arlecchino IS still flawed and questionable in her own way, the children do feel the effect of this and her “good side” was necessary for her position and done wonderfully in my opinion.

Personally, I LOVE it when villains/anti-heroes are unhinged at the right people/moments but at the same time still have their kind side and their own issues. I mean, questionable people in real life do also have their good side, and this is exactly what makes them fucking nasty when they're nasty.

But I'll definitely talk more about this whenever I do make a post about Firefly from Star Rail! Gosh I have so much to say about her, just wait for me guys!!!

[twig-gy]

NAME ME - it/its

tell me to edit it into my desc but banner by nebuleeart & icon by felix-lupin

profile picture id: digital edit of a pin with a spiral and an x. the spiral is the sitelen pona for nasa (strange) and the x is the sitelen pona for ala (not) so together it reads ‘not strange’ or ‘normal’. end id

banner id: a landscape of hills, a road, and forest, at nighttime - the moon, stars, and a lot of clouds (sticking to the horizon) are out - in the colors of the nonbinary flag (black, purple, yellow, and white). end id

recent writing 1 recent writing 2 (cjshipping)

i don't have a dni for Reasons but please don't follow me if you have jashshippers on your dni and if you do you must answer my riddles three (the other post has my riddles three but if you want version with less talking: link)

i write cccc fic - my ao3 is janSikepa - give me requests! there’s just no guarantee i will do them - i appreciate comments and compliments SO MUCH

i don’t reliably tag triggers, but self posts about self-harm/addiction or writing about gore will definitely be tagged (just the trigger, like ‘self harm’ or ‘addiction’) / faggot&dyke&tranny = untagged we ride free

i will always appreciate an ask or any form of human communication

times i've been called homoerotic in some way: 1, somehow, despite the fact i'm aro

have been called “genuinely one of the most annoying faggots on this site” before

mutuals i have convinced to watch centricide: 4 :D

fellow jtoh mutuals: 1 (join the list!!!!)

official time loop posts: 4

“”mandatory”” listening: link

at all moments i will make inexplicable references. if you mention heart mind or soul then my cccc receptors will immediately go off. hope this helps!

cccc : main interest. posts slightly related to it/less thought out are #brainrot.png and posts where i talk more are brainrot.exe

(list of drawing ideas i have but can’t draw cause i can’t draw: link)

jtoh : like it but do not play it as often, i talk about it sometimes. its tag is #jtohposting

centricide : i like it en talk about it on occasion. its tag is #jreg.jpeg but that also includes other posts abt jreg

toki pona : i’m still learning it. sometimes i make posts in or about it (#tok.exe). i’m translating cccc into it, so far i have time machine reprise done and posted (ilo tenpo pi sin ala), and spring and a storm/storm and a spring have their lyrics finished. you can ask me abt how that is going if you want [NOTE: PAUSED CAUSE MY MICROPHONE SUCKS :((((]

#twig.txt is my tag for selfposts

#asks.png is my tag for asks

#amazing art!! is for art i like a lot

#holding onto these is for posts i find important to keep in my safe

#twiggy cites the classics is for posts i consider ‘classics’ somehow (stolen from @/virgils_muse)

#jtohposting is for silly posts relating to jtoh that none of you will get ‘cause i’m 99% sure i’m the only one on this webbed site who likes jtoh

#mi pali e ni is for when i make things

(#mi pali e kalama musi is for music and #mi pali e sitelen is for writing)

if i tag something with heartposting/mindposting/soulposting that's bc i think that they'd say that

#wholeposting is for my thoughts on whole which i have very occasionally

#jaship mention is for any post about or mentioning shipping between hms

#hmsex is for any post mentioning hms having the sex. i see nothing wrong with it but i won’t talk about it that in depth. i just need my followers to be on their toes /silly

[id: userbox with the toki pona icon on the left and the words "sona mi pi toki pona li ike." on the right.]

[my toki pona is bad]

[possibilistfanfiction]

Genuine question, how did you figure out or realize the whole being butch thing? What does being butch mean to you?

idk if it was like… figure out? more so just putting a name to something i’ve always felt or known about myself. i came out as a lesbian, then i came out as nb, then i was like well i want gender affirming care so that must mean i am Trans™️, & it’s like… none of those words or kind of… vibes (lol sorry) quite fit? i don’t feel like a cis lesbian, & i actually kind of despise non-binary as a concept (don’t send asks abt this i won’t answer them lol, do ur own thing if u love it that’s cool); i think for me personally Transness is a little too serious & intense & limiting to how i feel. & im a white afab person in a smaller body, & honestly…….. we are often the wooooorst demographic of trans ppl lmao so i just didn’t even rly like some spaces i was in. i got the most important gender affirming care i wanted, i moved & i got married, i got to work remotely etc

& so just sitting with all of that it was like. ok well a lot of neoliberal queer spaces piss me the fuck off; i’m not cis, but i’m not TRANS in the way a lot of ppl (very validly) feel; i do Not like nb. i’d read stone butch blues before, i have a degree in critical theory where i worked a loooot w queer theory, obviously i’ve written abt queerness for ages lol. so then i was just like ah. butch. dyke. YAH! sweet. 100/10 feels amazing i love it

& i think for me i love those words most bc they’re rooted in really radical belief that i have. they carry an ethic with them that, at its best & most intersectional ofc, i want to act on, all the time. i want to show up for people & be protective & tough & strong but i also so deeply want to be nurturing & nourishing. i want to allow myself to be nourished & cared for. i think it feels rly wonderful to have a word for transgressive gender that sums it all up bc people lived it before me. they made that very specific & particular space to experience femininity in a way that doesn’t feel like a noose.

i think also butchness is so expansive! something that never sat right w me abt the way we talk abt transness in the west is that i don’t think there are ‘pre’ & ‘post’ transition selves. like… i’ve never been Not Me? like i came out of the womb a dyke. all i did my entire childhood is run around in the mountains, catalogue leaves, play w my dog, read nancy drew, & avidly watch + play any women’s soccer i could. i loved to fish & mountain bike, i grew up in the desert so gardening to me was a miracle. i never cared abt gender at all beyond like ‘well i guess i’m a girl & the women i admire just won a world cup, they’re badass’ & that was it. i liked boys clothes bc they were practical & felt better, but i just. didn’t think about it. ppl called me a tomboy which was fine, i liked scout in to kill a mockingbird so whatever. but i never felt “non-binary” & i certainly never felt like a boy.

& i am… still just like that lmao. i hated my boobs, point blank day 1 lol, but that doesn’t have to mean i’m trans, or that i’ve somehow changed in a way that requires separation from who i’ve been my whole life. i HATE the language of ‘dead/lived’ name; i hate the weird expectation that u should allow the state to have all of ur gender stuff on record (no fucking thank you, y’all can keep my legal name & i will be flying under the radar lol). so i think western transness rly just. irritates me. doesn’t fit. hasn’t ever fit.

so butchness is like. i am 8 year old jude, i’m just older now. if this makes sense ur butch lmao but. it’s this rly free space to play w masculinity in a way that doesn’t necessitate western transness, & also doesn’t necessitate a separation from maternalism, which i fundamentally believe in. i don’t even rly think of my own care as “gender affirming” & more just like… essence affirming. i didn’t want top surgery so my body could be read as male; i wanted it so i could look like me. i want my clothes to feel & fit in a Very particular way bc that’s how i like them. it’s abt practicality, efficiency, comfort.

& lastly to me butchness has a remarkable space for tenderness that masculinity on its own just cannot hold. like. it’s abt being protective & strong, sure, but it’s in service of others. always always always. so sometimes that looks like communicating calmly, sometimes that looks like infinite small acts of service for ur friends or ur partner. when i think of settling into myself it’s more about returning to who i knew i was when i was a kid, when i was the only person my dog liked & how it felt to sit on the swings when the sun was setting after the monsoon; it’s allowing myself to love like that — caring, & quiet, & full.

ultimately to me butchness is about devotion, more than anything in the world. devoted to safety, devoted to community. no one is devoted the way dykes are bc it’s how we survive. it’s how we have always survived — the steadfastness, the faith, the joy, even thru suffering, to not be boxed in. to help each other. to be funny & kind & thoughtful & not reject the absolute best parts of womanhood for the sake of a western box. to demand care. it’s so beautiful. devotion.

tldr it’s the best

[mandalhoerian]

Death Before Dishonor | 1

Pairing: darth vader x reader, anakin skywalker x reader

Notes: fem!reader, mandalorian!reader, inquisitor!reader

Summary: You have become the young war hero Anakin Skywalker's right hand in his pursuit to reunite the galaxy in Emperor Palpatine's reign. It's the rumored aftermath of the war between dark and light, but you are a Mandalorian, Jedi and Sith don't mean anything to you, in fact, they are the same existence that led to the destruction of your planet a millennia ago. Their war is something you don't care to know about, you're aware you won't understand anyway, there is a lot you're told to keep your nose out of as just a soldier to obey commands.

One of those things is the distinction between Darth Vader and Anakin Skywalker; you weren't told why they must be addressed as two separate beings. Who he is really and who he appears as to the HoloNet confuse you endlessly when they are the same in your mind: both look at you in secret mourning.

You can't afford to find out why.

Warning(s): the reader is fucking UNHINGED, like there's barely any fluff and plenty of dark stuff in there. mentions of death, violence, allusions to smut/sexual relationship. it's a vader/reader story and both of them are twisted. the bond between them is not funny haha its funny weird. ur kinda (!!!) emo yikes sorry abt that lmao but hey at least you have gaslight gatekeep girlbossed your way into inquisitorship, you also respect vader the same way markiplier respects lady dimitrescu, aka "its not a sexual thing its about power" . i love this dynamic hhh

Author's Note: this is like my first story/post on tumblr and the prologue got 60 notes, I'm so happy, thank you to all those who showed their support, honestly I did NOT expect it!

Please don't hesitate to send me any asks/submissions if you'd like to talk more, I would love to hear feedback and your thoughts! I hear there's something called "tag list" and everything, so if you'd like to be notified when dbd updates, please contact me! Happy reading!

Word Count: Over 10K im so fucking sorry

prologue | 1

You had fought by Lord Vader's side for as long as you can remember. It was the clearest memory you have in your life. Only through experience would someone come to know purpose is something this addicting, it really left nothing in a person unrelated to anything other than what it desired. And right now it desired to serve Vader until your last breath.

You didn't lurk in his shadow like a hidden tool to be used, no, but went out of your way to bare your teeth at any kind of threat he pointed his sizzling lightsaber at.

You slashed your way across the stars, blinded by the red bloody victories vibrating the ever-treacherous life in your veins, only to be satisfied with them in a span short as the blinding explosion of a supernova. Yet they seemed to be more addicting in the aftermath of a star storm, leaving an emptiness ravenous for more━━always hungry for more.

Even though being a prisoner of war has elevated you to stand with a strong warrior like no other as him, you believe it is an honor to be allowed not just a few steps behind him, but standing right by his side. Not everybody is strong enough to desire that position. Only the ones who don't owe anything to death itself would do what you do, and oh what an old friend of yours death is.

After Galactic Empire's foundation, the darksaber, the sign of the Manda'lor, has been cemented on your hand as the greatest mockery to your planet, crowning you as the one representing Manda'yaim, and keeping you as a hostage to ensure their loyalty. The Mandalorians may have been engaged in a never-ending civil war to bring the other party down for years, but they didn't take kindly to outsiders trying to bend the knee of another Mandalorian, even when it was their enemy. 

However, the outsider they sent to do the job was different. 

You remember Vader descending on your planet of desolation, to crush their necks into submission like a blackened god of war carved from soot-black diamond dissatisfied with his subjects; ardent, burning breaths branding the fear of oblivion on all of the clans. He was a mighty, volatile dragon.

You remembers the awe, the catharsis striking your heart like a bolt of thunder, that this creature of pure force and vigor is the true warrior you had been looking to fight for all your life. Most importantly, the honor.

You, despite your identity of a true Mandalorian, once upon a time might have been betraying that heart by keeping a dream of spring instead of wild flames of rebellion; you might have been having visions of a peaceful family tinkering in joy with laughter, with light━━however, those mirages were soon shattered by the ruthless claw of that black dragon the moment he set his eyes on you. The same dragon that clenched your respect and loyalty and in an iron grip, gave you the pain of having ambition and woke you up to the unnamed potential lying deep within you. The shapeless darkness swirling inside your guts like newborn worms turned into snakes, turned into basilisks, and snuffed out even the tiniest specks of hope and light you had for your clan. They didn't deserve your loyalty, they were nothing compared to the almighty strength he radiated like a whole galaxy burning away just like that.

And you happily knelt, instead of cowering in fear, you embraced the slithering, domineering dragon as the one who you wanted to serve, wore his mask as his Inquisitor and in the competition of being the best, stroke down every single Jetii he showed as a target. Your Mando'ade heritage gave you the best advantage of them all, and you fought not because you were told to serve the empire, but because you wanted to wage war under Vader's glory and honor your roots in your own way.

Now they sneered at your name, whispered traitor behind your back, yelled dar'manda at your face as they challenge you to duel after duel to take the darksaber back. They had turned their backs on you right after you were taken to Coruscant, and yet they saw the righteousness in themselves to smear your name in the dirt? 

Wear your anger as you gird on your armor, says Vader, and you do, you never forgive them, give them the fury of a thousand dying, screaming stars and continues to maul the galaxy for fugitive Jedi. Every time you succeed, you can feel Vader's respect growing ever so slowly, and that feels like a rare treasure every bounty hunter, pirate and scoundrel is after in the galaxy.

You may have been just a failure as a Mandalorian in the eyes of your clan leader Pre Vizsla, but you will bring no dishonor to Darth Vader.

Inquisitorius was silently protesting you.

What a shocker.

The hidden part of you seeking for acceptance wanted so badly to get to the root of the problem and discard it entirely upon solving it; however, the current you who had bathed in the flames of your master's enlightenment desired to crush those who even dared to attempt disrespecting you —— and that dominant part was feeding off of the shadowy, putrid abomination of a thousand years old primeval suffering of the former, mutating the weakness into something monstrous.

Even though you had shed your skin like a snake and had become a completely different kind of reptile, it still hadn't changed what remained inside and it would never change the attitudes people were going to have towards whatever you liquified yourself to take the shape of. What more did they want from you?

It felt degrading to admit that you would be forever hurt over never being acknowledged, all you ever knew was shame over rejection and homesickness for something more after all. Having bled into your shadow, it was still haunting you to this day like an archaic curse.

Nobody would listen to your voice back at Concordia, you always felt like weak embers of a trampled campfire, barely able to lit yourself back on again with the help of an occasional gust of wind. The loneliness of an entire galaxy —— the empty blackness that laid between stars and planets would fall upon your shoulders, and you would feel as tongueless as The Force, ever-existent but never able to directly make yourself be heard.

Being entirely powerless against a society you were secretly a nonconformist in crumpled your already defeated heart, it was always hell under the sky for you on that Force-forsaken moon. Not only were you a muted oracle, but you had to witness your people perish at the hands of what you had constantly warned them about as well —— had to see your closest family's head roll off his shoulders with what he stubbornly refused to let go of.

Now seeing you were stuck in a cycle just frustrated you. The reality that you still got the same treatment like it was out of some dumb history repeating itself cliché from a holodrama stung you unexpectedly when you had first noticed it, but all it did at the moment was to pour hot oil on your anger. Especially when you finally had someone who accepted you for who you were and more, a person who you harbored unbreakable respect for and would follow to the ends of the galaxy with inexhaustible loyalty.

And some silly childish boycotting by power-hungry ex-Jedi was enough to tip the glass of your sanity and make you plan an entire massacre, just because they were a possible threat to you bringing honor to this man.

Vader looked like an obsidian statue with his unmoving black-cloaked figure standing right in front of the entire window wall, facing the black vastness outside, gazing at the planet engirdled by his hive-like fleet. The Emperor had ordered a siege, and as much as you majorly operated as an Inquisitor, you were also Vader's right hand, meaning your aid was consistently needed aside from Jedi hunting conquests. However, you couldn't even solve one single problem to give your full attention to the current case on your hand.

Your helmet under one arm, contempt-flushed girl that you were tried your darnedest to stop your teeth from loudly gritting as you voiced the unnecessary question as an affirmation of his already established rules. "We are still working on dealing with the holo-faker, my lord."

A couple of heartbeats long of time filled the silence in Vader's headquarters in the spaceship before he slightly turned his head around as if he wasn't sure he heard you correctly. "The holo-faker? He is supposed to be six feet under at this very moment. My orders were crystal clear. What is the meaning of this?"

You wanted to bury yourself in a hole at how his eyes narrowed at the irrelevancy - because he was right. Former golden politician of the previous Galactic Republic, the marvel woman of Naboo, Padmé Amidala, had kicked off the decision to close all the military bases the empire had on capital grounds, thereby triggering the emperor's impatience over silly power games. They were to stand their ground until further orders came from the imperial senate and block all trade and travel routes.

And you were talking to Vader about the holo-faker they were already done working with.

You weren't fretting over having had not obeyed him, but because of not having control over the other inquisitors even about getting the smallest job done —— it affected and delayed everything.

If you were hiding under the cooling steel of your mask, it would be easier to hide the exasperation you were trying to suppress in front of Vader —— even though he always seemed to be aware of what even you yourself didn't know were feeling, as if they were color-coded and were displayed with labels right in front of him waiting to be read aloud. Yet, you still tried to hide away the displeasing details you found would be gum under his heavy metallic boots, so that you could deal with them on your own and your lord wouldn't bother himself with them at all.

He was meant for the glory of the battlefield, the ashen scented blood-red victories waiting for him across the galaxy, Vader was made out of the infrangible amalgamation of sun-soaked gold and black Mandalorian iron —— he certainly was above the clownery happening in his ranks.

He turned to you suddenly. The little hairs on your neck stood on their end with a sudden, blinding flash of a spike in the Force, right after the realization dawned on him, he didn't need to hear from you what went down. Though an endless ocean of stars illuminated him from behind and reduced his form into a shadowy blur, you could easily tell his burning yellow eyes apart.

Shame cascaded down and you had to anchor your gaze down at your feet to remain stabilized. "My apologies, I shouldn't have dared to busy you with trivial matters such as this. I——"

You heard his loud footsteps slowly approaching, each sounding like pillars of concentrated iron thundering down on the ground belonging to a titan.

You didn't fear what his reaction to was going to be to your failure, an army of furies were batting their wings violently in your stomach at the very notion of disappointing him. "Forgive me for my ineptness, I should have done better."

His warning as he reached you felt too feathery for something meant to be alarming. "There is nothing to forgive. Raise your head."

Golden mist clouded your brain upon the close proximity, chilly air of the spaceship turning lukewarm on your skin like you had been resting in a sunbathed arbor for a while.

It was foolish to think this way about a man as lethal as him; bravery and fearlessness were two different things and you were sure you were neither of them.

Your heart betrayed you by humming sleekly whenever he was close and you sometimes wondered if it was because you had become as terrifying as of an abomination just like Vader —— perhaps both of you were tuned to a beastly kind of menace in your ways, who knew?

When you remained succumbed into silence, Vader put his non-mechanic fingers under your chin and raised your head to look you straight in your eyes. The rush of sparks spreading on the skin there shocked you slightly, flinching at the never-ending coyness that washed over you every single time something like this happened. "Never bow to me like that again. You aren't on the level of those incompetent fools."

Vader was nothing but a vengeful, flame-drowned dragon of darkness, extinguishing novas sprouting in the galaxy with void-dipped fingers tasting of sin —— yet, there was undeniable tenderness blossoming as asters and starflowers in his gaze, affection of a primeval being of colossal chaos trying to be so careful in his way of reaching out to not swallow up the subject of his deepest admirations.

It was directed at you and shook you to your core every single time.

You would drown in that bottomless well, not knowing what to call the waters, for never had anybody ever looked at you that way before, you didn't know anything like it, as if you didn't have red on your armor —— as if you were an entity created to be loved and loved only; a starseed of the universe, darling, beloved, dearest.

Like all things truly evil, born from pure star-white innocence.

"I won't idly stand by when petty attempts of competition are slackening my troops." Vader sighed, anger creeping back on his spine as he pulled his hands away from your skin, eyebrows pulled together in contempt.

His inquisitor found the decision unwise, not wanting him to exert himself with idle subjects, for he was a Lord of the Sith. "Lord Vader, you do not need to waste precious time with getting involved in this, you are above that. Leave this to me."

Something in the sentence ticked him off, and you knew very well that Vader never held back when he found disrespect directed at him, but you didn't understand whatever you could have said that upset him this much.

"Very well, then," he said, turning his body back at the glass wall, and both of them stared in silence at the horrid portrait of Naboo, resembling a dead animal surrounded by hungry wasps.

He didn't dismiss you, and he explained the reason why soon enough. "However, it seems that order needs to be brought to my chain of command. You know what you have to do."

Sometimes you couldn't explain some of your own behavior in a way that made sense. Like while sleeping, you always seemed to curl into yourself like an animal would preserve body heat, always clutching your abdomen to yourself instinctively. Acute longing for something so delicate would seep into the hard ice surface of your stinking rotten soul; sad, sad, endlessly melancholic for an unknown loss.

You mused it was for all the things you never had and what they turned you into; the regret it stank with. But that was not it. Your arms would itch to hold, your heart would expand like you had been a saint all along, but as the dawn brought the deepest darkness along with the cold, you would cast those pitiful vulnerabilities down to the hell of your sins and emerge as the newly appointed Supreme Inquisitor.

A durasteel fist of the Galactic Empire never wept, so you turned to scorching hot anger and let the flames evaporate them, relishing in the burning pain bringing sense into you.

Pain was the most uncomplicated emotion of them all, such primitiveness and simplicity eliminating anything that tried to get close, so you only allowed it to be a part of herself. There was no going back anymore. You had already made your choice and it was to fight for Darth Vader, rejecting your entire Mando identity and embracing being a dar'manda —— a state of not being Mandalorian; not an outsider, but one who had lost your heritage, and so your identity and your soul, regarded with absolute dread by most traditional-minded Mando'ade.

You were a Mando'ad no more. To your people, you had no soul. Perhaps that was true, you had sold your soul to the dark dragon to gain power, yet you were still holding onto the darksaber which belonged to your people to spite them all, trapping the souls unfortunate Jedi and traitors to the empire in the pitch-black blade —— unconsciously trying to fill the void where your soul once shone like a lone star with them, but none of them fit. None of them ever would.

It only ever felt mended when you had him. When he had you.

All locked within those moments of heavy hot air, damp breaths, sparks popping on lips stained with burgundy and sin-heavy with unsheathed words, freezing dew clinging at the back of two intertwined bodies, earthquake tremors running down your limbs as you yearned and ached. Furnace hearts pumped lava into the cracks webbing your skins, purified black eyes with the universe captured in them clashed in the dark with a sky blue like it has never met one before —— like two suns crashing into each other and burning everything, melt any darkness, painting you with molten silver and gold so that in their journey the touch would sing and chime with murmurs of starlight.

It is the only light you know, the only light you have ever felt, all of them coming from a darkling; steely pristine skin that crackles with electricity when you touch, a lion's mane for hair and merciless pools of inflamed despair for eyes surrounded by tired black and purple —— an ugly fireborn dragon wearing a celestial's face.

Endlessly pained for something you can't look directly at.

It taught you that fire does not only burn, but it is also a source of light as well.

However, that last part was only for you, who (foolish, one might think) had never feared the flames and pain, who didn't hesitate to soar in the skies, aiming for the sun itself with wings made of feathers and wax, you persisted. And not even once did you feel anything other than admiration, respect and desire to be close for him.

Your eyes are not their former color anymore anymore, you knew, they are as sulfur as his, as if to reflect him somehow, to reach him —— yes, to catch up to him, you didn't want to lose that feeling of destiny, the immeasurable amount of raw strength pouring into your soul through the unexplainable yet tangible bond connecting you to Vader.

You couldn't name it, maybe it was delusional and drunken of you to feel like you were dipped in a novastorm whenever you fought back to back, ever the addictive sensation, but that thing enveloping you in a blanket of apricity and curiously, home, would make the unshaped words hanging about meaningless in the end.

It didn't need to be said out loud, monsters of the same kind would stay with each other nonetheless —— and you were delighted, it was serendipity that he found you, even his acceptance was more than enough.

So you got up, as long as you were needed by him, you would always get up, no matter how deep you had fallen.

Standing around a giant bulky holotable, three inquisitors of different races and genders had their blank eyes on the three-dimensional map of Naboo in front of them, having just been informed by an imperial attendant of the latest news. The silence fallen upon them was swallowed up by the near bustling stormtroopers and anxious military officers attending to their duties, going around the main bridge of the unmoving Star Destroyer one hundred kilometers outside of the planet.

First Brother, a well-groomed Miralian male with shimmery pink skin and diamond-shaped light purple tattoos scattered around his nose area, was the first one to shake off his speechlessness. The luminous blue of the hologram map glinted in his eyes, reflecting a welcome surprise. "The Supreme Inquisitor. Huh."

Third Sister retaliated, the iciness of all the metal surrounding them had seeped into her limbs, she stood motionless but her anger was an alarming red. "I can't believe this."

Eleventh Brother was playful, the shade of the hologram painting his mischief-holding yellow eyes blue like his skin. He was bulkier than the other two, however, the way he spread his palms on the edge of the table and put his weight on them and leaning over made him look smaller than he was. "How well do you think she screwed Vader to swoop the rank from him like hair out the butter? The man must have been to the neighboring galaxy and back."

The female inquisitor's frustration was dripping into the Force. "He is thoroughly blinded. I can't believe it. The Emperor must know about this."

The Miralian, however, was annoyed and uncomfortable in his own skin, imagining a thousand eyeballs materializing above their heads directing their unblinking gazes at them. It was a touchy subject. They were treading on thin ice by talking about it in an open space like this, he knew very well of the infamous temper of Vader when he even felt like his decisions were being questioned. "You metalhead, of course he already knows about everything. Who do you think Darth Vader is?"

The Pantoran tilted his head comically to agree with him, while the sister crossed her arms, taking a more defensive stance. It had fueled her forward, not even close to stopping her. Third Brother had to press on. "You're also forgetting who she is."

Her fingers were twitching slightly. "She charmed you as well."

"Charmed?" His voice got unconsciously higher and he heard Eleventh Brother taking in a long, exhausted breath, this was quickly turning into a heated conversation. "All the girl does is completing the missions she is given. Why are you so agitated?"

Third Sister suddenly opened her arms wide. The respect for Supreme Inquisitor obviously ticked her in the wrong way. "Because she gets undeserved favoritism!"

"I just told you why it's not undeserved. You're really letting your reason fly away like that?"

Eleventh Brother, then, physically came between them at the disdainful non-verbal mention of dark side, eyeing the officers slowing down to take a look at them now fully shouting at each other. "Come on, don't get heated up both of you." A lazy smile spread over his face. "Let's agree to shag Skywalker and get ourselves some well-deserved vacation, huh?"

But it did nothing to calm Third Brother's nerves, he wasn't overly relaxed like the other guy. "Ssshhhhh! Do not address him like that! You're going to get blasted in the head."

"I don't think he's that strong in the Force to pick up whatever comes out of people's mouths. At least not yet anyway," was his response. The Miralian knew he was doing his best to lighten up the mood so this didn't end up as a mistake getting one of them in trouble in the end, but calling Vader by that name anywhere, even in secret, meant a direct death sentence, it wasn't something to be joked about.

"It's Lord Vader to us, be careful."

"Relax, I'm not that dumb." The sudden emotion showing itself towards the end and curtaining over his face shocked the other inquisitors. "It's just. . . I find it hard to get used to. He was someone else before, you know?"

They were all flashing back to the same day, who the most called Great Jedi Purge. The silent Third Sister had been the one to speak first, after a while of solemn quietude. "New meditation techniques not working for you?"

"Not in the slightest. If he found out I am behind on this, Vader would chop off my left hand as well. . ."

"That is meant to teach you loss and pain, it's not a punishment," Third Brother intercepted, ignoring the slight humor his fellow inquisitor was using to mask his weakness. He was a guy that followed orders, and it was very pristine to the eye. Dark Side hadn't been able to purge that out of him.

"I think we've experienced enough loss and pain, don't you think?" It was a throaty murmur that came from Eleventh Brother. "The absence of a limb means nothing."

When a surge in the Force came the Miralian's way, it was too late for him to stop Third Sister from continuing to ramble on. "Speaking of which, did our Supreme get any of her limbs cut away?"

"Oh for the love of —— drop it."

"No, listen. This is not fair."

"It's about individual progress, you can't put her and yourself in the same equation, it doesn't work like that," he whispered, getting hurried and irked with each word mainly out of fear. The holomap was already forgotten. They looked suspicious, huddled up together like that. "We were Jedi, it's hard for us to leave the old ways behind. She only has been exposed to the dark side. It's natural that her advancement is different."

It was logic. Though it penetrated her ears, the meaning never reached her completely. "The way she fights —— I can't wrap my head around it."

Her eyes moved left and right, erratic as she remembered, countless battles coming one after the other, lining up in her head. Each one of them focusing on one pair, always together, never going the opposite way in a clash. Moving in complete harmony and sync, reminiscing one superior mind controlling two separate bodies. "She completely parallels Vader, it's like they are parts of the same machine and I think I'm going crazy sometimes when I think about it."

One hand was holding onto her elbow tightly, the other hand moved up and down, vertical to the ground, to emphasize her words. "There's no way she could have picked up on the technique that fast without getting special treatment is what I'm getting at. It's the main thing that infuriates me."

"Is it?"

"What are you suggesting?"

"It is because she became more masterful in a matter of months isn't it?" First Brother said, not holding back in the slightest, calling her out on it. The way her chin moved in a circle with a completely closed mouth gave her away. "Her achieving that level of skill and leaving the rest of us behind pisses you off because you're envious of that power. It's the greed talking, not you."

"But you can't say that I'm wrong," she shook her head, raising her eyebrow with a smile like she was proud of a secret. "The Al'Verde, Unifier of Mandalore or whatever the kriff her other titles are, I don't care. She can't be capable of this much."

In the corner of his eye, First Brother saw the burly Pantoran getting very shifty on his feet, a sign of anxiety from him.

Then he noticed why, as the sign hit him too, a chip in the force, like a faraway warning.

Third Sister was getting too vexed to notice it as she didn't stop talking for one second, and Third Brother was lost in the moment once again. "She's meant to be a pawn to the empire, a hostage, because all those helmetheads only seem to get smart when it's about war. The idiot had it coming for getting involved with the Rebellion. Everybody knows this, yet we still have to pretend."

She was talking about how Mandalore was forced to make a treaty with the Galactic Empire. This event, even though it led to her eventual arrest and recruitment into the military, had made way to Imperial Initiative in which the newly started empire went on a treaty spree to collect all the Separatist, Neutral and rogue planets without violence. This was of course a plot to force the planets into peace, but it was still effective.

"Now, compare that to me, do you get the picture? I deserve to be in a superior higher-up position, don't you think?" Third Sister almost commanded, the corners of her eyes crinkled, eventually turning into a full-on glare. "Even if we leave this all aside, she doesn't even know how to use the Force that much and here she is, the great Supreme of Inquisitorius. This is not fair."

"It doesn't matter. Do you want me to flash the headline on HoloNet or something?" Frustrated, he raked his fingers through his hair. "The number of successes you bring to the empire decides your worth. Last time I checked, Mandos were on a different tier considering the warmongering past."

"So? That doesn't prove that she isn't privileged."

"Maybe because being a political figure requires the empire to make her look good." Once again, Eleventh Brother tried to sweeten both of the worked up Inquisitors. He thrust his fists into the air in a caricaturish, slow victorious manner.

Third Brother wanted this conversation to be over, the unrest pooling in his stomach was too alarming to be ignored. "It's because she's better at our job than you are. Face it. There is nothing else to it."

Third Sister's arms, untangled from their lock earlier, now dangled down her sides. She gave a bitter laugh. "It's not exactly encouraging motivation-wise when you feel like you're disposable."

Eleventh Brother snorted, his usual mocking still there, but now molded with irony. "I thought you already knew we are expendable to the empire."

But the person who responded wasn't either one of the three. "You are."

They didn't even feel her coming, gliding up to them from the shadows. And suddenly, the famous darksaber was peeking out from just beside Third Sister's neck, the inquisitor's face contorted in raw shock before she dropped to the ground, trembling and clutching the raw burn. It was the loud sound of her hitting metal that made the other two scramble back in panic, their hands hanging afloat.

"Stars!" was the only thing coming out of the Miralian before he had literally jumped out of his skin, the Force hadn't even poked one of them, not a last-second warning at all too. Third Sister was about to be executed just like that.

Inside of his skull was white. Void of any thoughts. Nothing came to mind. Third Sister literally laid violently trembling at their feet.

Supreme Inquisitor's force signature slammed on their faces much later, like the heel of a foot descending on a bug, the faint crunching sound got to him in his imagination and he looked at Third Sister once again, sprawled out on the floor. He felt an entire wall of frosty fury pressing down on his body, and not even a smudge of remorse was there for almost taking a life.

Eleventh Brother was just as horrified, his cowering stature resembling a frightened child's, which was ironic because the woman in front of them, standing silent and mute while waves of danger rolled intensely out of her through the Force, was much smaller compared to his species.

The Pantoran and he held eye contact for a fleeting second. The former's face held a fear of death while Third Brother was still thinking about the current overwhelming presence being entirely missed by all three of them, how long had she been listening to them for?

Her T-shaped eye lenses, contrasting with the black of the mask she had on was hiding her expression; but the almost glowing red, accompanied by the white glow darksaber flared, was more terrifying than any emotion her face could contort into. "Get up."

Third sister stammered, none of her previous vigor present. "What?"

"Get up. I see you have complaints, I want you to walk me through them."

First Brother had to do something. "Supreme Inquisitor, please overlook her childishness just this once - "

"I am not talking to you." The blood red lens of her helmet stayed focused on her target. "Sister. Take out your lightsaber and feel free to test my skills to your liking. But know this. If you do, I will treat you like as you'd like me to, and we will go at it until the end. You know our ways."

Stuck right where she was lying on the floor, her eyes momentarily met First Brother's, who mouthed, "Don't," at her behind clenched teeth without any sound.

She ended up saying, "Forgive me." The haunted look in her eyes was avoiding directly coming to contact with the Mandalorian woman. Upon the crackling silence that followed, Third Sister tried again, higher-pitched and a slight panting in her breath. "Please forgive my impudence."

"Anyone else that wants to question my credibility further?" was what Supreme Inquisitor asked, not a declaration of Third Sister's death sentence, thankfully. When she was met with silence, she turned off the darksaber, yet didn't put it away. "Anyone else that wants to stay and gossip instead of doing their jobs?" 

Silence. 

"Anyone else that volunteers to do as they were ordered and get rid of the holo-faker?"

Third Brother and Eleventh Brother stood straight. "We will get to it," the Miralian said shakily.

"You better."

A bottomless pit of abiding nothingness was expected to be cold, but sometimes you would think it could be a bit warmer because of the stars it was pregnant to burned with all their might.

Myriads of stars and suns, withering away and blossoming at the same second were furious in their hearts beat to the rhythm held the balance together, yet the universe remained colder than beskar still.

It was proof no star could ever be enough to warm up their home, not even the supremest of them all. And perhaps in their sorrow, they all ended up as black holes, swallowing up anything in their way to fill the hole where their burning souls once stood brightly as the hearth for the planets under their wings. 

But you could never be cold. Not when even the spaceships were perpetually freezing. Your fire sang too vigorous for that. There was a furnace akin to a star at its prime nuzzled inside your ribs constantly keeping your palms unusually warm, especially when you were sent to planets with chilling climates for a mission. Your peculiarly high temperature made so you uncomfortable sometimes that you wore so little while physically training. It was unnerving for those under you that you could withstand icy environments so easily. Some even thought you were half-robot as Lord Vader and couldn't even feel physical contact anymore.

No, you experienced pain on a different reality than others did. You were sure Vader did as well, it was your fuel to the Dark Side. So much so that it was addicting at times to inflict it to other people and yourselves. You fed on it as if you were one of the Anzati preying on the life source of others to survive. It was necessary. It was vital. One could never get used to pain, but to accept it as a fundamental part of the path to the dark side had done the trick for you.

That's why you could understand why Lord Vader bit back complaints about his steel arms and legs never seeming to fit and holding him back from his full potential. They hurt him immensely,  although his face in plain sight didn't even wince you could feel it; his yellow eyes didn't sour over with pain yet nevertheless, you felt it in your own body - even when he kept it from pouring into The Force itself, you felt it as if you were being hurt.

But while you didn't know what to do with it, Vader used that agony, he internalized it and brought forth an entirely different kind of might that terrified down to the bone whoever dared to cross him. 

Vader always knew what to do.

But you couldn't bring yourself to tell him the things you had heard the last day. Rebellion was ringing in her ears wherever she went and whatever she did. Mand'alor.

Among other insults hurled at her, nothing had bothered her as much as nobody disagreeing with the late Third Sister. All the briefings, all the reports, all the patrols during this past couple of days were all spent on thinking about what in the hell they were talking about. You were none of the things Third Sister had claimed her to be.

You were the last remaining kin of Pre Vizsla he had adopted into the clan, wasting away in your atelier with your stupid idea of reconciling with the current government of Mandalore, daydreaming about it while fixing weapons and armor. The girl who had never been able to become a full-fledged Mandalorian smelled of oil, dust, metal, shadows, and underground, she was too weak to even talk back to her blood. She wanted to run and fly but was chained to a dustball of a rotting planet moon. She was nothing before Lord Vader had found her. 

However, you couldn't forget about it. It was constantly in your head, like a damned bug crawling through the curves of your brain and scratching away at the flesh walls of the organ, it kept slamming its way right in front of your skull, pounding in her temples as a persistent headache.

Why did they call me that? Why did they say that?

Was it sarcasm? No, it couldn't have been.

It was scary how obsessed you had become with a tiny minute detail when it meant nothing at all. You had sat down and thought about what you were expecting but there wasn't anything you could grasp at. You just couldn't get it out of your mind and that was it.

So you trained. For hours and hours a day, you practiced and meditated. There was nothing else to do. You were ordered to lay low and wait at Naboo's door, no one could go anywhere, so you did the best with what you had.

There was only so much you could do in the limited area of the training ground they were spared in the main spaceship. The floating metal monsters were made for combative military purposes and not military drill ships used for education and field practice after all. If they were informed of a blockade of this kind beforehand, the preparations would be more suitable for their situation.

Therefore you ended up requiring a partner to work with, granted that training equipment was not present.

A partner, being the partner, who had always been the only opponent you had sparred against, Darth Vader of course. 

Maybe you couldn't tell him what had you fearfully hypnotized for so long, but you could use him as an anchor to clear your thoughts and achieve lucidity that way. Vader was an in-and-out kind of one-man army with no distractions whatsoever and that had inspired you in your own way of handling work. Not only did straightforwardness find a new meaning in him, but you felt closer to clarity by his side as well, it gave you a refined sense of strength.

When you came together blade-to-blade instead of back-to-back, you and Vader were identical if not paralleled, one the hands and the other the legs of the same body, you were like the complementary halves of a single warrior. Vader, due to his overly bulky cybernetic limbs, moved with the power of roaring ocean waterfalls, he was unstoppable; meanwhile, you were the shadow and the wind, the sacrificed speed and mobility completing him in a different body - you appeared out of nowhere, struck, and disappeared.

Despite having the chance to spar with Vader himself after a long time spent with deeds for the empire, you didn't manage to clean her mind off the noises repeating over and over again right in the middle of your nervous system. It was reflecting on your motor and reflective abilities, you couldn't keep up with him today.

"You came here to clear your head but your mind is still distracting you," was Vader's eventual response after wiping the lusterless steel floor with your backside for the nth time.

You always got up whenever you fell, having a feline's agility and swiftness akin to lightspeed but he was not having any of it this time, it was obvious from the dismissive frown distorting his youthful face. The red glow of his lightsaber was gone in an instant.

Calling your own lightsaber back, you didn't have any difficulty in extending the Force as a limb to retrieve it whenever it had flown off to. As soon as the hilt caressed the skin of your palm, your fingers closed down on it as if you wanted the crush the useless thoughts plaguing you.

Darksaber's idiosyncratic sound was higher pitched than any other used by the Jedi and the Sith, but it had the peculiar ability to respond to its wielder's emotional state. You had noticed the erratic electrical effect pulsating like a heightened heartbeat, but you didn't want to stop due to accumulated frustration. If you were indeed a machine, there would be smoke surrounding your burning limbs from clashing with the cold atmosphere. "I can keep going."

There was no way Vader was not aware of the emotional storm raging inside of you, he even sank his hook into the tiniest of specks you went out of your way to hide, yet he was calmly observing at where he stood. "I'm not enjoying myself anymore, this is pointless. So how about you tell me what's been bothering you instead?"

Of course he goes for that, you sighed. Always straight to the point. You couldn't confront the root of her problem at hand, you didn't even know what was bothering you this much. It was obviously speculation on their part of something. The whole Inquisitorius may have been informed that way to help you assert your superiority, but you still couldn't bring yourself to at least investigate it.

You had forgotten this part of you existed at all. It had been buried deep down the seven circles of your soul where even the Force itself couldn't shed light upon it. Your weaknesses: hesitation, coyness, pudency, dastardness - your old needy self who was always pushed into the shadows. Remnants. They deserved to rot in darkness; crumble away until they were nothing but ash and dust under your feet. The old you of Clan Vizsla, who would tremble and scream and grieve in terror if she ever knew the person she would become was the infamous tyrannical Supreme Inquisitor, needed to die.

A warm campfire singing with the dancing fireflies wouldn't stand a chance against a devourer wildfire raging against the night; it just didn't work that way. You needed to kill it.

Your head twitched up when the darksaber turned off by itself. You felt Lord Vader's extended power return back to his shadow after lingering for a little while, thinning the oxygen around her by its mere presence. "You know I'm not one to waste my time."

"Too much waiting," you blurted out when it became evident if you were to stay silent, he would try to pry into your mind, he kept staring at you without moving a muscle - like he was one of the unsettling ginormous milky alabaster statues standing tall in front of the Imperial Senate Building.

Vader rarely ever did disturb the privacy of your inner world, he didn't need to, he just knew you like the inside of his palm, and you never hid anything from him either, you trusted him more than you trusted yourself.

Your obstinacy tended to keep things away from him whenever failure stamped itself right on your forehead - because you were ashamed.

But this was different. You could tell Vader had noticed as well.

You were simply very tired, the black spandex of your training wear was sticking to your skin because of the sweat and the braid you always kept long to wrap around into a circle at the back of your head so it could fit inside your helmet was a messy bird's nest. You couldn't find the strength in yourself to weave an intricate web of lies to keep Vader away from your worries, so you opted to only reveal some of the truth as you took a few steps back to wipe your forehead and the back of your neck with the towels neatly folded and laid right beside a variety of weapons ranging from target blasters to melee weapons such as techblasters.

Later on, as two black silky cloaked-figures stormed through the deck like flowing gravity-driven drops of ink to get to Vader's quarters, tearing seas of white armor and black uniforms apart as they glided along in sync, you finally voiced some of your worries but not the entire truth. Your mask caused your voice to sound artificial and monotonous enough to hide the intent behind. "Why is Naboo special? There were other planets to try the boundaries just like this before. What are we doing here?"

The man's booming steps didn't falter, he kept on power walking as he usually did. The only giveaway to his surprise was his golden gaze immediately getting drawn to your frame. "That's unusually curious of you."

"I suppose it is."

Corridors of the metal maze they were in curled in different directions as you talked, occasionally wrought with artificial white, red and blue lights blinked and streamed past you in streaks. It was all in the background, as you were only awaiting Vader's response. "The Emperor has not said anything yet. We are to stand our ground."

He was tight-lipped when it came to The Emperor. Tenuous shadows obscuring his reflection in The Force, meticulous and ten times more intimidating.

Beings with no force-sensitivity perceived it as Vader holding their necks tight in a noose, or perhaps an unsteady sword floating right above their heads. He was at his most merciless when he was escorted by The Emperor's words. It was hard for even you to speak your mind freely, not because of the fear, but because deep in your soul, you sensed a fresh, gaping wound, and it had The Emperor's handprint next to it.  

Not lingering on it, you uttered your evergrowing uneasiness snowballed with the word Rebellion about the task given to them. "Lord Vader, this looks like a false cover-up for an intended invasion to me. Why else would we be here?" Your job didn't end with supervising the Inquisitorius as Darth Vader's right hand, you also participated in keeping the order in the empire. Those required having to always keep moving and never stopping in one place for too long. Even Vader couldn't stay at his castle in Mustafar to rest for more than days between the duties. The wait for something from Naboo had been unnervingly delayed. It had rightfully taken its toll on your agitated state of mind, and you thought maybe relieving herself from at least this distress might give her more control.

"No need to think about those things. We will do as we are ordered. The battlefield is our only concern." An automatic response, usually given to his inferiors. What followed after was not. "Why is this bothering you so much?"

You started speaking only when you arrived at Vader's dull grey quarters separate from the superior officers at the bridge tower, it was similar to an antechamber in emptiness and size, the only difference was the massive cell-like cut windows circling in a flat arch showing the blue-green and occasionally violet planet of Naboo. "Queen Amidala should pose no threat to him, but for some reason he doesn’t trust her now that she is not present on the Imperial Senate and is out of his reach, there’s something going on here," you pondered, taking your mask off and staring at it for a while. "It goes against the relatively peaceful route he has trekked on until now, but I don't believe we are here for another treaty."

"I was not aware of your interest in politics. This was what had you so scatterbrained you couldn't even focus on combat." Vader slowly approached the glass window closes to him and stood still, his eyes on the planet. He had his hands folded behind his back. His side profile was illuminated by the faint translucent lights of the space from where you were. "Why the sudden curiosity, have you received intel?"

"It's not like that. I‘ve just had more time than necessary to think."

"And the thing you chose to think about was the Emperor not trusting Queen Amidala?"

"I’m thinking about how a possible invasion would go. The Emperor looked for the perfect opening to do so, and now that he has it, he won't let go. It feels like the era of treaties is about to be over." After placing your mask on the table where Vader usually kept the tools he used to modify his limbs, a feeling of nakedness washed over you as you looked at the view it created, it was not the Supreme Inquisitor talking at the moment, but simply you. "But I do have a bad feeling about everything in general, I can't get it out of my mind."

"Is that what The Force tells you?"

Gloved fingers gliding on the smooth arch of the top of the inquisitor mask, you kept your gaze on the T-shaped lens. Your lashes were heavy on your eyes, the words were weighing down on your entire face so they couldn't escape you it seemed. As ironic as it was that you were covering your real troubles with half-truths, you had never been this honest about your opinions before, only ever obeying whatever Vader had asked you of. "I'm not sure. I can't distinguish my instincts from the will of The Force yet. I don't think I ever will. Precognition is beyond me, I am but a Mandalorian, physical use is the only thing I really am good at. Still, there are times in which even I can feel it physically in my head. I know we are only soldiers, I know not to concern myself but The Force is. . . weird these days. That's why I'm not dismissing these thoughts."

"Perhaps what you used to call instincts is The Force talking to you. You are still fighting the Dark Side, that's why it's constipating you like this. Let the power guide you. Don't be afraid of too much."

"I have dedicated myself to your ways for a reason, I know what I have to do. I'm just a slow learner, but I do learn. Even if I can't fulfill your expectations, I won't ever disappoint you, Lord Vader."

Tingles traveled down your spine in warm waves, Vader's stare was definitely on you. "I will look into this as well, you keep focusing on the present." Then, a soft sigh dissolved in the air, so unnoticeably gentle that it had your eyebrows pulled together in surprise. "Anything else you wish to inform me about? I still feel heavy conflict clouding your mind."

"I don't wish to bother you with insigni—"

"When I ask questions I expect them to be answered."

He had seen it. The certain worm clogging your brain. Something was pushing you to squish it back in the darkness so he would forget about it. Not knowing what it was made you try to cover it up, words you‘d kept to yourself all this time poured out like hot-flowing blood out of a raw wound. "The thing is, why would Queen Amidala make a predictable and unnecessary move such as this when she is aware of the emperor's intentions in the first place? It doesn’t make sense."

"What do you know about his intentions?" It came sharp and quick. When you let go of the mask grounding you and turned to him, Vader's stiffness and slight tenseness caught you off guard; just as he had never heard a single peep of doubt from you, you had never seen Vader defensively alarmed as well. "You're basing this all on a single assumption. According to that then, how would Queen Amidala be aware of this so-called everything?"

"I told you it was insignificant."

"No. Explain it."

Hurried steps brought you right at Vader's side, aestuous eyes of his followed your almost apologetic state. The stars were witnessing a rare occurrence that day, the ice-breathing iron dragon was reduced into a young man, simply because he allowed anxiety seep out the cracks of his persona of The Dark Lord Darth Vader. Yet, they were merely only talking. You were pulled to him like a piece of metal caught into a magnetic field, wanting to clear his face from shadows. What had him this tense was a mystery that piqued your worry as much as it did your curiosity. 

"I meant absolute control when I said intentions, it wasn't something mysterious at all." You said, fighting the instinct to comb his wavy locks away from his face when you noticed his arms twitch forward towards you in a split second, stilling quickly right after that. "Queen Amidala, well at least Naboo has been cooperative and obedient so far, it is the Emperor’s home planet. It's illogical for them to make a move, without even sending a report of protest first about the Stormtrooper bases." Your voice was calculative and calm so that Vader would remain composed as well. "To be honest, every bone in my body is screaming trap at me. But I don't know what they would gain from laying a trap for us — or the empire."

A blank look.

Then a weak smile so twisted and bitter that the hairs on the back of your neck and the baby hairs framing the shape of your face stood up.

"I do," Vader said, triumphantly. Catharsis was etched into his tremulous voice, his pupils were dilated. "Have spy droids decode their hologram satellites immediately. I especially want the transcriptions of ghost calls, doesn't matter if it's from the palace or not."

At a loss for words, you couldn't catch up to his thought process but you had your orders, Vader's word came first. "Whatever we're looking for -- what if they chose to transport it manually as a message rather than transmitting it?"   

"I hope they did." The smile on his face didn't reach his eyes, his tone was low and dangerous when he answered. "Then we get to use the easy way to restore the peace."

When you retired for the day, the shadows whispered all that you have been reduced to, and all you will ever be is eternal yearning chasing your tail, forever stuck in a circle, doomed to be your own destruction.

They swirled heavy and languid around where you laid folded into yourself, in your most vulnerable state —— closest to the ghost of the girl fron Clan Vizsla, the girl with tender flames that couldn't and wouldn't burn. They pooled in the hollow of your stomach, filled your womb with molten tar, and blotted your veins; until you became nothing but a vague shape in the dark.

The moderately average resting chamber in the giant Star Destroyer closed in on the you, only armored with a thin layer of sweat covering your heated skin. Darkness was a place you were your most comfortable in, but shadows drowning you were the servants of light —— the light that flowered from the warmest, the most cowardly of fires that was afraid to burn people.   

"Remember," the shadows murmured. The smell of beskar and ash was sticky on the wall of your nose, thickly dropping down to the lungs. Within the withering clouds of duskiness, two little marbles with the color of abysmal space stared back, the tiniest of shine reflecting like miniature novae. Black eyes like obsidian. "As no star is enough to light up the galaxy. As no star is enough to warm up its home. Remember who you are."

Supreme Inquisitor killed that treacherous girl every single night, but shadows were immortal nonetheless, you couldn't possibly reign victorious over them. The girl of Clan Vizsla, aware of that mostly overlooked knowledge, had always hidden her essence in the shadows; and now even her biggest nemesis was unable to snuff out the weak embers left of her. The ashes somehow managed to rekindle their spark.

The girl just refused to die and turned herself into invisible heavy shackles on your ankles.

Shadows caught up to you in oddest circumstances these days. Contrary to Imperial Officers and most of the Inquisitorius like the fallen Grand Inquisitor, respect out of obligation and orders did not sit well with you, you enjoyed proving yourself someone to be dreaded over and over again just to smell the satisfying presence of horror, yet sometimes you (momentarily) felt unaccomplished when people couldn't look you in the eye as they spoke.

The Mandalorian in you wanted to earn respect instead of forcing it out of somebody —— annoying, really, it was like an itch right in the middle of your back where you couldn't reach to scratch, and it never went away either. No matter what you did, you couldn't get rid of the leaden disappointment and dejection shooting up your spine at the sight of forehead-on-the-floor submission even if it lasted shorter than a blink.

The moment of humanity made you sick. You enjoyed being feared and bowed to, that meant you were stronger than them, that you were better, yet the tiny itch made it seem like you were some kind of noble character deep down when your aim, in the end, was establishing strength and demanding respect in exchange —— not honorably gaining it through charity work.

That's why you were feeling grumpy at yourself as you left First Brother behind in hurried steps after the report given to you in trembling fingers hid behind his waist in a grip, and a voice strained to control a slight shakiness. The Miralian was covered with a thin layer of sweat across his pink skin, the purple diamonds etched onto his nose area almost appeared a dark ultramarine as he stood with an imaginary walking stick shoved down his throat, he didn't move from his position until Supreme Inquisitor had completely disappeared from his sight.

He was your favorite Inquisitor to work with, mainly because he knew respect. You knew it was a Jedi habit, but you were in no place to complain about it, only focused on getting results and finally, your patience was rewarded —— not even the annoyance at your prolonged unstable emotions could get in the way of your enthusiasm. They were one step closer to ending this blockade and you were itching to return to your routine of hunting Jedi and getting rid of this mess of a state of mind. Things would soon return to the way they were. They had to.

With that in mind, you all but rushed to deliver the news to Vader, practically running to the safety of an end goal having formed in your mind. He was receiving some kind of report in the bridge part of the Star Destroyer, but immediately dismissed the two officers when he saw you approaching him with hurried steps. The T-shaped visor of her matte black helmet was reflecting light like flashes due to your speed.

Vader had the tendency to have conversations with you alone, even when you absolutely had to be in public he would maneuver to the most isolated place where they could speak privately, and his utter discontent at people coming at their way would immediately have effect in making them go the opposite way. If he was just done with having to deal with Imperial Officers and saw you as an escape, you did not know.

"It's done, Lord Vader," You reported with a datapad in your right gloved hand, the other was clutching the hilt of darksaber tucked away in your belt as you retreated to the giant windows looking directly at Naboo. Crowds would part at the sight of you together, as if leaving you to your solitude was a rule, so nobody was in the perimeter to hear the conversation. "Spy droids are on the job right now. The decryptor team is simultaneously working with incoming data. The droids can only do so much, so for the sake of both speed and efficiency, the only solution I had was this."

You handed him the datapad, his yellow eyes were dull as he scanned the incoming information. "Nothing looks particularly off as of now."

"I told them to look out for suspicious behavior as well. Could be a part of their cipher system."

"I would rather have direct contact with the senator, per protocol." Vader's hawk-like gaze turned almost condescendingly to the mostly purple planet as if he could spot the object of their conversation right away. The corners of his lips twitched upwards for a millisecond. "Compared to the queen, he is surprisingly easier to crack."

He peculiarly allowed himself to be human around her, occasional boyish grins and smirks found their way to his face often when you were near. It wasn't a first-time realization but very much a reassurance every time it occured. The thought, this time also as well, managed to ease your overheated mind and you allowed herself to relax a bit, removed your hand from darksaber, and clutched them on the back of your waist. "Which is why Queen Amidala insists on being the mediator."

A scoff came from him. "She knows even the person they chose has certain weaknesses."

A wave of bitter taste washed over your mouth. "We do have to wait for Emperor Palpatine's orders about entering their planetary space. . . to exploit those weaknesses."

"I don't need to be right in front of him to do that."

He was capable of doing unspeakable things to people deeming they were safe from him just because they were seperated by monitors and screens, there was nothing surprising about his ominous declaration. Yet, something akin to an irritating feeling peeling away from your skin and an itching weight being lifted off of your gut made you blink strongly. You had to swallow because inside of your mouth felt like you had just stuffed a handful of sand down your throat. Of course. This was it. This was why Inquisitorius had to be here. How could you have been so oblivious?

"How inconvenient," you said, fully turning to him sharply. An excitement that would put the one you felt when you got the report from First Brother to shame was pulsating in your temples and ears. "It would have been better to have the excuse to see him directly."

Vader's eyebrows twitched downwards slightly. He must've had noted the change in your demeanor. "Why?"

"Because I just figured out why we're here." Your hands jerked to point at Naboo. It was clear as day to you now. You were so buried in your own mind to see what was right in front of you! "To give The Emperor an excuse for the order. This is our mission."

Vader, contemplating your discovery, hummed before speaking. He didn't look baffled at all. "You're saying this is an investigation."

"Disguised as an embargo." You nodded. Even the voice warping planted in your helmet could hide your emotions. You were more than happy to push all of your turmoil this far on this reason alone. "I can't believe I figured it out so late.“

"You weren't supposed to figure anything out." Vader, opposed to you, was very discontent with your state and you had failed to notice it from how his eyes had narrowed before he spoke. "Our input in political matters is not needed. It isn't our place."

In this light, he almost looked like he was leering down at you and that made your heart jump to your throat. Maybe you shouldn't have expressed your mind so openly like this. You weren’t one to mix personal opinions with orders in the first place. This... The chaos you were in as of late had made you slip up. You had had done your best to remain as a blank slate while putting only your lord's agenda and wishes before anything, and it truly was the only thing you cared about — that you should have cared about.

You had to pull yourself together.

"I apologize," you said, now more focused and professional to show you didn't mean any disobedience by your words. "Of course I will follow only orders, Lord Vader. I haven't forgotten my place."

That earned you an unexpected tut. "That's not——" He shut his mouth with an audible click coming from how hard his teeth had snapped together. Your eyebrows, not visible from your helmet, shot upwards at Vader's incomplete sentence. The Dark Lord of the Sith would have never held his tongue back in any occasion and he never entertained idle chit-chat, yet. . . He had briefly lost control there. He did manage to school his tone back into place, but you were already too shocked. "Just remember we will only do what is necessary. The Emperor always has a higher purpose we're not meant to know."

You had forgotten you were surrounded by the crew of the bridge, the mention of The Emperor brought back some clarity to you, as the rehearsed words of self-evaluation slipped past your lips. You had autopiloted into a submissive soldier stance. "I see now that lack of clearance has got the best of me. I meddled in matters simply not my business at all."

You didn't dare to look up at him, too immersed in trying not to spark his anger. Direct defiance was never your intention and deep down, you were already ruthlessly scolding yourself for it. You should have never opened your mouth. That's right. You were never supposed to open your mouth ever. You would only be good to go when you listened and followed orders. Opinions and thoughts were not welcome. Not that you had problems with them in the first place, but you did have to teach yourself again.

You hadn't noticed Vader's silence and his golden gaze scanning you up and down as if you were a book to read, it only became apparent to you when he started speaking again, his voice was heavy and gravelly. "This kind of thing will put a target sign on your head. You must stay out of The Emperor's sight, I will handle everything. All you have to do is follow orders."

This was the perfect chance to both change the subject and deliver the other updates you got from earlier, and you took it. He would be displeased because of the delay, but you couldn't skip on your duty either, it was with heavy heart that you gave him the news. "Speaking of orders, First Brother reported to me before our meeting. The holo-faker will be dealt with shortly. They are working on locating her."

"You mean to say she’s not dead yet?" As expected, sourness had immediately settled on his face.

"Unfortunately."

"Shortly doesn't cut it. You and I both know these adverbs only exist to buy more time." An exasperated huff, like burning steam on your skin, cut his sentence. His artificial hand's fingers had started flexing and you knew from this that his first instinct in handling this was violence - and rightfully so. If it was up to you without any interventions, the holo-faker would have been dead for the seventh time now. "Who is this holo-faker, why is it taking so long? We have more pressing matters at hand."

Your chest swelled up with the acidic breath she took in for that answer. "Her name is Bo-Katan Kryze——"

"What?" His blaster shot of an interruption was almost high-pitched and even further, your heart rate picked up because of how Vader's normally controlled Force presence had crackled like a sudden whip lash against the air. "Repeat that name."

The way he said that was stone cold and had sunk on your chest as dead weight.

"Bo-Katan Kryze." It was too hard to keep your voice in a flat tone, so it appeared very tense in return. He can misunderstand, you thought to yourself, and fumbling words pushed through your filter without warning. A loss of control on your part, no matter the form it took. "A Mandalorian like me, I know. However, my judgment is not affected. I will have her eliminated."

"We will speak no more of this here. Come."

Everything happened in a flash. His unwarranted, lightning anger blended in with their literal teleportation to the official meeting chambers reserved for the inquisitor team aboard the ship. It was like you had been wounded, but the adrenaline and shock holding your body together was holding the pain back.

You had killed fellow Mandalorian kin before. You did it every time one cane to take darksaber away from you for honor. Vader knew you didn't hold any affection or lingering attachment to your roots. Your only relief would be accepting you were uninformed, or simply not smart enough to understand what had him angered like a dragon preparing to wreak havoc over his gold hoard having been barely disturbed by an outsider.

After the sliding metal door closed behind them and trapped you in a dimly steel, ever-shrinking room due to his sizzling Force presence, with only a giant holotable to display maps in the middle, his heaving back slowly regained back a stable breathing rhythm, and he turned to you much more composed, the powerwalk they had here probably having taken some of his bottled up agitation. "Did you have an audience with her?" he said, the sentence more of a domineering demand than a question. There was a distant fire in his eyes.

You did your best to remain calm to not provoke him in any way, and obeyed. "Yes, it was required."

"Did you speak with her directly?"

"Yes, since I had the recordings of the Jedi had to deliver them personally." One of your canines caught the inside corner of your mouth. "Is something wrong——"

He ignored your remark. "Has she said anything to you?"

Have I failed? How have I failed? Why am I being interrogated right now? "Apart from business, no."

"That can’t be it. Are you lying to me?"

That sentence was straight up a punch to your ribcage, you were breathless as you answered that question. "No."

But that did not satisfy him. He was a predator pacing left and right upon hearing it. The lampdisks were full on and the meeting room eerily bright, but his darkening presence was casting a shadow over everything. "Out of all the beings in the galaxy, how did she end up being——" He was mumbling to himself in a mildly manic state, and when he suddenly shouted, the already panicking you almost jumped out of your skin. "Damn it!"

Vader's entire self-control was gone like the wind, a catastrophic hurricane in the Force is what he was. Rumbling and roaring with no restraint, no restraint. It made your hands tremble uncontrollably and sucked the strength from your core entirely. And all it took for the leash to snap was not The Emperor, not the missions, not the imperial officers and not the incompetent inquisitors, but a single name of an insignificant Mandalorian holo-faker.

You had to fix this somehow. You had to do something. You didn't understand your mistake but you had to put enough effort to get back on your feet. "Lord Vader, I don't follow——"

"Don't call me that!" You had never heard him yell before. Always the silent and obscure, actions-over-words commander that he was, Lord Vader did never need to raise his voice to get what he wanted, he simply didn't bother with that. Yet that was a broken shout at the top of his lungs; a shattered clap of thunder, yet it was a piercing shriek of a wounded animal enough to make your ears go numb for few seconds. Bleeding. A cascade of emotions were bleeding out of him.

Silence fell between you like the hammer of a giant.

Your insides churned and twisted and crushed until all you could feel was just a mash of mixed goop flesh filling you like cotton and only a void in the middle of your skull, as if you had jumped out of hyperdrive with a damaged deceleration equalizer.

A shiver shook your shoulders.

There was a man in front of you, not Lord Vader, and certainly not a Lord of the Sith. An upset, disturbed and disordered hot mess of a young man, with eyes  the color of cold dark blue before the sun appears in the horizon, swimming in the agony of an entire sunken star, was despairing over his subordinate addressing him as the superior he was.

What did he want from you exactly? How did you end up in a conversation webbed with lines that should never be crossed?

"Call all the inquisitors involved in the operation and leave us."

"As you wish." You kept your voice carefully blank and monotone, but the emotions were as scattered as a star cluster. Despite that, as Supreme Inquisitor, your instincts knew the need for professionalism to be restored back, but it was actually cowardice that made you lean entirely on respect to gain much needed stable ground. "Do you want me to send out a scouting team to find out if she has reached Mandalore? They could look for a way to cheat the treaty."

"No. You're off the holo-faker case."

It was a small command, a simple order, a rightful decision really, but that still felt like stun blasts exploding inside your brain that left it ringing and the room spinning around you. "Why? I can fix everything, I can go personally——"

"No." To your own ears, to your heart, the voice that came from his lips didn't sound like his own. It was deeper, darker, clipped and oiled, resonating from the depths of the Dark Side he tapped into whenever he was facing enemies and allies alike. It didn't sound like him at all, he didn't direct that tone —— that stance to you ever, and it smoked with fury. "You'll remain here with me."

You stood welded to the floor, motionless. You weren’t even truly aware of speaking. It was as if someone else were using your mouth. "I have met her face to face, I'll get it done faster, let me go to Mandalore——"

"I said no! That's an order!"

A hiccupping gasp rose out of you that the mask didn’t pick up.

And, now, finally, you recognized the voice that had came out of you in utter desperation.

It belonged to the shadows. It belonged to gentle melodies of the benevolent hearth. It belonged to the girl who was afraid of being cast away.

You could only stand there, sick at heart, stunned with helplessness, the fatigue in your guts turning heavier and heavier.

". . . Understood."

Lord Vader passed his flesh hand over his eyes and drew a long, heavy breath.  In a much lower, calmer, quieter tone, he said, "You won't get involved with her. Promise me." He looked thoroughly miserable, but you felt too numb, so numb that you were looking at the world behind iced glass. It stung even to stand here.

"I have received your orders.” Your lips, conditioned only to speak of duty, fulfilled their responsibility. "I'm calling the inquisitors immediately."

[writingonredd]

My names Redd. read ask rules b4 asking ^^

ask rules/general things

no nsfw

idrc for the ‘im down bad for __’ as long as their not detected at my sonas

ISTG IG I GET ANOTHER PROSHIP ASK I WILL SCREAM

must be osc/gimmick blogs

i take everything as /nf

i tend to not answer drawing reqs on Mondays /Tuesdays since i busy then

things I won’t draw

sodascentpack

anyyy ship art with grassy/rocky

nsfw (obviously)

UR MOM

tickle art

any ship art with airy

DNI

i mainly mean for asking. I know I can’t control who interacts with each post loll

homophobe

transphobe

zoophile

proship

wilbur fans

i think you get the jist

hatsune miku haters

well miku haters can interact just don’t tell me u hate her/tag me in miku hate /srs

okay meeee now

I like to draw

bigggg osc fan

i curse a lot so beware

I like to write ^^

i am CRINGE but I am free

Bfdi nickel Stan

clingy af xp

I LOVE OBJECT SHOWS SM ❤️❤️

Addicted to emojis / emoticons

i really like to write analysis about episodes

i am the biggest twophone fan i could go on about them for hoursssss

i worship Hatsune miku

love journalchest sm

SEND AN ASK ABT YHE ERIE CANAL ❤️

mum ADDICTED to sitcoms like the good place or young Sheldon

and caps

check out my ao3, my YouTube, and my Pinterest ^_^

I also have special tags,

reds art stuff = art

reds writing stuff = writing

reds rambles = rambles

red answers = answered asks

red talks = text post

Also I do have a side blog for reblogs @writingonwhoppers!! I don’t post there but my reblogs are there loll

I also tend to delete my post a lot because I think they arnt good enough even tho there fine, so if your looking for a post but can’t find it then it’s probably deleted 🫡

[khamomile-kitty]

Ok even seperate from that post I think I need to make a post discussing character death as a concept in general bc there are A LOT of ppl on that post going “well unless it’s done badly then it’s bad” or “unless they kill a character off for “shock value” amd move on like nothing happened” “unless they kill a character I hardly knew” “you don’t actually NEED to kill characters tho, if you think that’s the only way to create tension then you’re a bad writer” “if you just kill off a bunch of characters to meet “serious story” quota, you’re a bad writer”

that post wasn’t talking abt ANY of that tho. That person was, by admission, quite simply saying that character death is bad bc it makes you feel pain, and pain is bad. That’s the essence of their argument. It had no nuance, despite the amount of words used, and no deeper meaning, despite the kind of words used. (it was like they looked up “argument terms” and picked whatever looked smart off the page without reading what it meant.)

The screenshot you could argue all of these for, but that’s w the benefit of not knowing anything else abt that argument. Personally, I still see a problem with it, as saying that killing a character death is egregious “especially when the audience has gotten to know them” is missing the entire point of character death as a trope. It’s MEANT to hurt, and it won’t if you don’t know or care about said character. It’s bad writing if they DON’T get you close to the character before killing them, and then treating the death as impactful to the story and emotional for the characters.

And I am once again excluding the arguments of “well unless it’s done bad” bc that’s still not what we’re talking about here, we are talking about the use of the trope in general. I can talk about doing it badly or well, but that is separate from the trope as a tool itself. That is, whether or not the tool is used well or not has nothing to do with the usefulness of the tool. The tool has an intended purpose. It’s up to the user to wield it correctly. We are talking about the intended purpose here, not the user. (I will move on to talk abt the user and uses, though, bc there seems to be a lot of contention w that specifically amd I do in fact remember seeing some VERY OLD “writing advice” that said “if you’re stuck on what to do with your story, kill a character!” As if any writer worth their cents would do that and then not have to deal with the inevitable fallout in the narrative bc of it.)

Character death, as intended, is meant to be an extreme. It is meant to be uncomfortable, upsetting, frustrating, saddening, and any other number of negative emotions. It is intended to make you feel what the protagonist is feeling. And in cases where the character death was not shown in story, just heard about, and the character themselves never actually showed up in-story, it is essential to make sure that the loss is felt in a different way than usual. For example, a mentor character dies. The protagonist doesn’t find out until much later, and none of the current main characters have ever met or perhaps have never even heard of them. But they go to the place of death at the protag’s insistence, and you see in that hometown just how loved and influential he was. The protagonist reminisces stories of them that are dear to them, perhaps with other loved ones of the mentor character. The reader is shown the far reaching impact of the mentor character, the hole they have left in the hearts and lives of those they left behind. Perhaps even something like a painting that will never be finished now. Ideally, this should more than represent the turmoil the protagonist is going through and empathize with it, or at least understand it.

For cases that ARE shown, it is integral that the character must be focused on to some extent. Even if it’s at the last second, if the audience cares abt them by the end of it, the tool has done its job. Killing a character you have no connection with is not engaging. It’s boring, and the WORST thing a story can be is boring. You HAVE to care, even if it’s to HATE that character, even if you WANT that character to die, when the death happens, that is emotion engaging with the narrative. (And most of the time, when a character is hated, it is on purpose. If you want a character to die and feel relived or even happy when they are gone, that is by design. Even if that’s not necessarily exactly how the protag feels, perhaps the writer is going somewhere with that. Amidst all of this, keep in mind that as a reader, you know things the protag couldn’t. Perhaps there is a miscommunication, perhaps the protag has some misplaced compassion, or perhaps that compassion isn’t misplaced at all, amd we are meant to feel the frustration the other characters feel while dealing with the protag until the reason for that compassion comes out. Again, the trope is a tool, it can be used countless different ways.)

Even “shock value” deaths have a purpose. If a character death seems like it came out of nowhere, think of WHY the story might want to show this, think of HOW the author may have wanted you to feel. A lot of “shock value” deaths tend to come from gritty, dark stories, in which case, the death is shocking for a purpose. If these stories talked about how dangerous and unpredictable or difficult they were, but never showed it beyond one-off characters or unnamed characters, that claim would feel hollow. Showing it with characters you like or relate to is meant to not just demonstrate how death can come without warning and for no reason, but help you feel what the protagonist feels in these types of worlds. The despair, the worry of getting close to ppl if they are going to lose them, worrying about those THEY will leave behind if death comes for them too early. That helps build the world and the characters. That’s the type of story the author wants to tell. If you don’t like that sort of thing, that’s just fine! Avoid it! You don’t have to consume content that you know you don’t personally like! (this means your OPINION. Consuming content that makes you uncomfortable or that you don’t want to see is essential and healthy to an extent, like Animal Farm. It’s a commentary on fascism, it’s supposed to be uncomfortable even if you don’t like what you’re reading. That’s how you learn! But things like tropes in fiction, that’s fine. Just avoid it if you can. Triggers and sensitive topics are another subject entirely. Just laying that out to be extra clear)

And for a story that moves on like nothing happened and never call back to it again after a major or impactful character death, yes, that’s written badly. But I cannot stress enough that this is not a problem with the tool, it’s a problem with the writer. You don’t have an issue with character death as a tool, you are having an issue with the writer and they way they chose to portray this. Related, if a writer only seems to try and create major tension or conflict from killing characters, then yes, it’s bad writing. But the same previous reasoning applies—this is an issue with the writer, not the tool. If a writer feels the need to kill off one to a few characters to make their story se like a “real” or “serious” story, that’s a writer that needs more learning and experience.

Not a problem with the tool, a problem with the one using it.

Character death is a useful narrative tool, and despite the recent (or perhaps longstanding) discourse surrounding it, the many ways it has been used (to great or little effect), and the potential it has, it is simply a tool. How it is used, how it is viewed, and how it is received, despite the authors best attempts, lies with you.

I’ll probably make a separate post for advice on how to write character death, and keep in mind I am not claiming to be a professional or anything; as with anything you read on the internet, I want you to explore more, find other perspectives, listen to readers AND authors, note what the experienced and well-written authors have to say, listen to the teachers, come to your own conclusion. But if you’re looking for some loose advice, I’ll do my best to tell everything I can think of.

[eigengrauone]

PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE OAST WITHIN IS. ABOUT AND ALSO YOUR THOUGHTS ON IT 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

———

OK IM READY HERES A VERY VERY LONG POST (I have warned you)

So The Past Within is part of a puzzle game series called Rusty Lake by a studio of the same name. There’s 15 games (and a short film!) that precede it and one coming out in September. That SOUNDS like a daunting amount of games but at least the first 9 were released as flash games (and rereleased as a collection) and they’re all relatively short. Most of those games are in the style of the 2D sections of The Past Within or something similar, whereas the 3D was unique to TPW. There’s a variety of different characters, families, and time periods these games take place. I won’t go into too much detail about the other games in this rant so you can either experience them yourself or I’ll explain in another post or whatever! But be warned that those games are a lot darker than TPW and def have more blood, violence, etc.

ALSO if you’re interested in playing but you’re worried about the cost of 15 whole games, you can buy them all for like $20!!! They’re available on steam as well as mobile and some of them are just straight up free. If you want to test the waters, I would recommend getting the Cube Escape Collection on mobile since they’re free and are the first 9 games. If you don’t want to play them that’s cool too I don’t mind ranting :) BEFORE THE HUGE RANT!!! past this point I’m going to talk abt this game like you’ve seen the sss stream so if you haven’t, stop reading here and I’ll write a non-spoilery rant and review!!! I really really don’t want to ruin the experience if you didn’t watch the whole stream!!!!!

ANYWAYS The Past Within is pretty straightforward. You play as Rose Vanderboom who has received a letter that her father, Albert, has died and you must resurrect him with help from a person from the future. You do this by using a black cube and a golden cube. These cubes are featured in most of the other games. They represent memories and have been shown to manipulate time in some cases. It is revealed that before he died, Albert built a cubical device that utilizes the time abilities of the cubes, and transports the three required “ingredients” to be transported from 1926 to 1984. Another staple of the series are corrupted souls. When Albert became “corrupted” (after Julia put the coins on his eyes and when he was in the tube for Jacob) he was a corrupted soul. These are also featured many times throughout the series and are crucial to many parts of the lore. Some of the puzzles on this device allude to the previous games, such as the use of chess, the masks Albert wears, and the voodoo doll. There’s also appearances of other characters in these games, such as Ida, Albert’s sister, and the suited parrot Jacob sees in the mirror (fun fact: a comment on the vod of the stream said the parrot was actually a super important lore character and it sparked a lot of questions of why he appeared in TPW, which is what really prompted me to look into these games!). A majority of these references are to Rusty Lake: Roots, the game where Albert and Rose originate from. If you have any questions about Albert, Rose, and the rest of the Vanderboom family, Roots is the game for that, but I would not start there as there’s a specific order the games are recommended to be played! Though it is a co-op game, both players are Rose, one in the past and one in the future. (it bothers me SO MUCH that Jacob does not say this until THE END OF GAME despite it literally being written on a piece of paper he just. didn’t acknowledge.) I realize this is not an extremely in depth answer but I can explain more if needed.

Overall, I really enjoyed the game. I really loved the aesthetic and style of it and I thought the co-op puzzle were pretty fun. I know a lot of other people didn’t like the co-op aspect and I think some say the puzzles were too easy, and it makes sense why people would feel this way, but I personally didn’t mind. I think there was also a big complaint that the game didn’t expand much upon the lore and had too many questions rather than answers, and I do agree with that. Looking back on it after having played all the games I can see how annoying it is to have all these new questions that ignore several unanswered ones. Like whatever the ending was. I still don’t understand the ending. However, it is a GREAT game to hook in new players and I’m actually really glad this is the first game I ever saw of the series. TPW has such an intriguing atmosphere and teases at all the lore behind the characters that it draws people in, or at least people like me. I get a bit worried people won’t like the other games bc there somewhat different than TPW, like people might expect them all to be co-op, or just that the other games are a lot…..weirder (it’s weird in a way I really love tho). But it’s a really interesting starting point for those of us who didn’t know abt the series in its flash days. For the characters I really love Rose, she’s everything to me. She doesn’t have a lot of dialogue in the one or two games she appears in, but I love her. On the other hand, I have a lot of complex feelings on Albert in a way I can only describe as “I want to study him like a bug and then smash him with hammers.” I don’t like him, I don’t hate him, but rather a secret third thing. But keep in mind everything I say here is just my opinion and I’ve only known about this series for like. one or two months.

Ok this is the longest post I’ve ever made ever and is probably so incoherent but I’ll stop there. Thank you so much for asking bc as you can see I’m so totally sane abt this……and this was me holding myself back (and not knowing what to say.) If you have any other questions you can add them or send a new ask or whatever bc I will most certainly rant again. Um also if any of my other mutuals see this no you didn’t don’t worry about it

[fatfemmalewife]

hi so if ur uncomfortable answering that’s ok of course but i was just wondering about what it was like to be put in jail overnight and all that? like the whole process of what happened when you were caught? i’ve never really known what to expect with that whole process and it would probably be good for me to know abt it 😅

up top i’m gonna make sure we’re in the same page — i’ve not been forcibly institutionalized myself. i’ve picked people up and/or bailed them out, and i’ve done volunteer work inside of prison and done some research and shadowing when i was considering being a social worker.

that being said, going to jail (not prison) is usually looks very boring. it is a temporary space before things are decided. prison is different - there are stricter rules where you are held once criminally charged (broadly speaking) and it’s where most abuse occurs. however, they do not have to rush to get you out from jail, which keeps you feeling trapped and in limbo.

here are some possible scenarios that may lead up to being arrested, and what your rights are in those scenarios. here is another from ACLU

i think this website has a fairly thorough walkthrough of what being jailed looks like and what steps you’ll be taken through.

here’s another one similar to the one above, but this also explains more on what a public defender does

i won’t rehash those whole sites, but basically, again, it’s mostly uncomfortable. expect to be shuffled around with no one telling you what’s going on very often. you will be asked personal questions. you will feel like you don’t have options. but ultimately, this is just a temporary space, and keeping that in mind will help a lot.

most people in jail alongside you are also uncomfortable, whether it’s their first time or their 20th — and most people are focused on their own shit that they will leave you alone.

as for cops, do not answer questions beyond your basic personal info they require, at least not without legal representation present. you must invoke your rights very clearly. you must state out loud you will be remaining silent and until your attorney arrives.

other than that, be prepared for uncomfortable seats and bad food (if they feed you), because you’re gonna be hanging out until everything gets processed and you’re ready to post bail. 

the only particular oversight i think that above resources don’t talk enough about is bail. there are several methods, but the TL;DR is that bail bonds will allow you to post bail for less than the full amount and is ultimately the cheapest for the average person (unless you are part of a protest or something with a bail fund). bondsman are usually very close to a jail, and may even be on site. you should be able to call one when given your option for making calls. however you put up bail, it will allow you to leave until your court date, which will allow you to continue on with life and figure out more on what legal coverage you need before court

study up a bit on those walkthroughs, and you should have as decent idea as you can get before experiencing it. hoping this helps prepare you a bit

[brewing-radianite]

minor blog update and small rambles regarding ao3 & tumblr

nothing too serious, just updates abt AO3, Tumblr, and where my writing and activity will be: 

good afternoon! i’ll try to keep things brief; firstly, i’m sure a lot of you have heard of the trouble surrounding ao3′s election. 

if i’m understanding it correctly, we face the risk of losing our freedom to write many things freely, like LGBTQIA+ ships as well as NSFW content, both of which i write A Lot of. as of rn, nothing has been finalized and ao3 is still perfectly safe and normal to use, so i’m not leaving ao3 or posting my works elsewhere at the moment. (i know of fanfiction.net and wattpad, but i haven’t used either for writing ever, and i haven’t used either for reading in over 5 years. afaik ao3 has the better tagging system so i really don’t want to have to abandon it, but i will move to those sites if i must, assuming things really do take a turn for the worst for ao3.) 

i LOVE ao3′s tagging system. do i love all of the content on ao3? no! of course not! there are ships i’m uncomfortable with, and i definitely don’t want to read any non-con or heavy gore, BUT i love ao3 because i can filter those things out. i don’t have to read a single thing that i don’t want to. i can safely navigate the site FOR FREE and exclude as many ships, warnings, or other tags as i want! that’s why it’s such a lovely site, you don’t have to write or read anything that you’re not comfortable with unless an author did not tag it properly-- which is a human error/author’s fault. not ao3′s fault. authors are responsible for the tags on their stories. ao3 is very user-friendly, and my preferred site for all my posting and reading, and unless things do downhill there, it will continue to be the main site for my work. 

moving on from ao3 though, another website i have an account on is pillowfort. 

pillowfort functions similarly to tumblr; a website to share thoughts, artwork, fics, etc. with an intricate tagging system and communities so you can tailor it to your tastes and preferences. 

the only problem?

pillowfort is wildly unpopular compared to tumblr, and thus the site needs donations, and more importantly, you have to pay ~5 dollars to make an account (and then it is free from then on out.) HOWEVER us already-registered users get three “keys” or free invites a week, and I already have an account, so if you decide you’d like one, let me know! i can try to send you a key! 

here is a link to my pillowfort account: x

again, because pillowfort is like 1/160000th as popular as tumblr, you won’t find me SUPER active, but i am there, and if anything ever happens to tumblr, that is where i can fall back to. it’s unlikely, but just so you’re all aware, i do exist there as well and unlike tumblr, pillowfort allows nsfw and properly tags those posts and accounts too, so i could probably use it as a better safe for some of my smut headcanons or fics too... 

[aajjks]

Things suck recently. This is another one of my stupid vents to the internet as a stranger on the internet spreading their TMI about their pathetic life and I’m just here bc I have no better outlet.

Within 2 weeks since school started it feels like everything has fallen apart. I’m arguing w my friends and most of them aren’t talking to me while I’m going through the toughest time of my life rn. My family is struggling in ways more than one. The new dance crew I’m in feels so unfamiliar and I don’t have friends there. The old one kicked me out of the gc (understandable bc I’m not in it obv) but it just makes me feel so empty and like dying. The last thing I was able to see from the chat is their rehearsal video and all my teammates look so happy. It feels like every life or group that I was ever a part of always becomes happier or better without me. I don’t even have the time to cry anymore because the 24 hours of my day are half school, half dance/vocal, and half hw. I barely even have time to eat, do chores, or go on my phone like I am now and the reason I can even do that now is bc it’ll take away from my sleep time instead. everything is so much and it feels like I’m healing, hurting, and losing myself all at once. I’m trying to keep my head up and look forward to small things like updates on ur blog or just anything but when those come I barely have the time to look at them now. As a person I’ve been through a lot but this is charting as probably the worst time I’ve ever had and this time no one can help me. I can’t drop dance or vocal bc im so dedicated and I can’t drop out of school or do less hw. My childhood had always been lost growing up but now it feels like my youth has become nothing but training in the studio for a choreography I won’t even get cast in and doings mountains of work that won’t help me if I’m stuck in poverty in the future. I don’t even know who I am anymore and I’ve become insecure of every atom that makes up me.

And now the only thing I can do is be a moping, lifeless loser and complain about it like it’ll do anything. Growing up really sucks, you can probably relate to that as well. I hope you do well on your exams goddess, and take this as a sorry for all my random vents that might appear in the future too. Don’t post this if u don’t want to honestly, it’s hard to say anything abt this and u shouldn’t have to be comforting or caring to someone you don’t know on the internet. Just hope you can have less stressful days, exams really suck and I hope you can rest and take care soon. Btw I’m not super young like a primary school kid and just got hw assigned for the first time ever or sth I’ve been doing it all my life but this year it’s just sm worse.

- the 🐇 anon who said she was gonna write regular asks soon but lied

my love.. I’m not even going to lie but yes life fucking sucks. We’re struggling nonstop w/o any break or good thing in life…. God the depression that I get when I think about my future just makes me want to quit everything and sit like a pathetic loser….

It fucking hurts to feel excluded and feel like the world is better/happier without your presence, makes my guts clench so hard.

God… I can’t even imagine the level of your exhaustion… hw/vocal and dance practice for so many hours w/o any good outcome yet must feel so burdening… with family and personal issues as well…

I can relate to you…. Oh my god my mind is too not in a good place but here’s the thing I tell myself.

I have to keep trying and survive. That’s the thing.

No matter how hard it is to try to go on and repeat the same routine every single day.

And can I tell you something personally? I really really think that you’ll succeed. I really want you to keep trying… keep working hard because I just know you’re going to make it, better than anyone else…

Please don’t give up. It takes a HELL lot to achieve your dreams…. I don’t have the guts to haha but I want you to fulfill your dream!!! And become happy! ❤️

tbh you’re so gutsy to not have given up, I’m soooo proud of you and I’ll be rooting for you like a top fan ;) trust me you’re going to BE SUCCESSFUL 😋❤️

[nouies]

hiii, lou! 💞

oh, the love languages are officially five: 1. words of affirmation, 2. quality time, 3. acts of services, 4. receiving gifts, 5. physical touch. also i recently read that the love languages are how we would like to be loved, not the way we show love. and if i'm being honest, they confuse me most of the time, because i think i have all of them. 😄

kanye west? not really good match, but when we finally "meet" each other, i will send you another quiz for that, to rebuild your good reputation. 🌸

years ago i had found a tumblr blog that was posting about the omegaverse and it helped me understand more about it. but then i lost it... it was really interesting one. 🙁

if you are going to watch the movies, keep in mind that all three of them have mcd. and the ending is not really happy. 🐽

i think i would choose reading people's minds. or teleportation, because as much as i love visiting different places, i hate traveling. i get nauseous. 🙃

i read this fic weeks ago. it was good. but i forgot banana bread was mentioned there. it's so cute it reminded you of me. how did it go: "oh my valentine said the other day she loves banana bread"? 🎀

my question for the day: what's the one thing that can annoy you immediately? 😋

i love the spanish lessons! 🌷

hope you have a lovely day,

- your secret valentine ☺️

hello my love!!!

thank you for teaching me! in that case, i like receiving gifts best, and i guess acts of service. and in third place words of affirmation. maybe quality time in fourth place. no physical touch for me 🤭

hdkdhdjdjd okay, okay! i mean i got matched with other celebrities but i thought it was funny that i got kanye. but sure, send me another quiz!

hmm there are several blogs abt omegaverse but they each have a different approach so i wouldn’t know which one you mean bc there are a lot.

oh you’re into angst 🤧 idk if i’ll watch them in that case then. i still haven’t gotten over “one day” with anne hathaway. but okay, you’ve told me abt your movies, what abt songs? think of creating the soundtrack of your life, which songs would you include? (i’ll think abt my answer and tell you tomorrow)

omg teleportation would be amazing as well! especially bc i want to meet so many friends that i’ve met only through internet 😭 that would be a dream!

yes, something like that. i was like “banana bread? i must share that immediately!” and then i forgot hdkdhdjd

oh man, i get annoyed by so many things. but it’s usually just for a moment and then i forget abt it. unless it’s really personal, then i’ll never stop thinking abt it hdkdhdjd but i guess one of the things that annoy me immediately (whether i know the person or not) is getting interrupted. i usually don’t talk a lot, so imagine having the courage to talk and then getting interrupted 🧍🏻‍♀️ so yeah, i’ll choose that. what abt you?

today the lesson in spanish won’t be the day bc it’s a bit hard hdkdhdjd but i can teach you “day”: día. that’s dee-ah.

hope you’re having a great day <333

[writingssummit]

Hi I just read you’re tsukishima story and it was so cute omg but I have an idea

Let’s say y/n has a huge crush on tsukishima since they were children right. But tsukishima never rlly liked y/n in that way. So he would always like be kinda aggressive but like not in the physical way, like he would be cold to her whenever y/n would constantly say something abt them dating. In reality he did like her but he didn’t realize it. Then suddenly a new guy shows up, he’s like really handsome and he’s in a small band, he plays the bass. Y/n actually listens to that band and she was so excited so the two of them click really easy, that’s when she starts being distant with tsukishima and stops the talks abt them dating, tsukishima starts to miss everything y/n would say to him and he wanted to get y/n back, but when he tries he sees y/n and the guy sharing a peck 😔‼️ sorry if this was longgggg ugh

a/n: ahhh! I’m glad you thought so, haha! don’t worry about the length, specifics are always welcome! <3 this is a really good idea! i think it ended up on the longer side, but yk, more content is good? i also ended up naming him, so it’s easier to refer to him. i keep holding on to highschool settings i’m sorry LMAO- i haven’t finished season 4 and i’m not reading the manga yet :( but anyways, here’s a bit of angst/unrequited love to balance out my recent fluff posts !

asks/requests: open !

word count: 2.6k

warnings?: some angst/unrequited love

worth a try.

- TSUKISHIMA KEI -

growing up with tsukishima had been a whirlwind of experiences. ever since you had moved and transferred to his school the last year of primary school, you’d been drawn to him. the tall, blonde kid with glasses. you found his pride in volleyball admirable, and you even found him to be so much cooler than you ever would be.

you originally didn’t know anybody when you first moved, but you fit right in with both tsukishima and his own friend. it was a strange combination, but it worked somehow. while tsukishima was rude, and yamaguchi timid, you were loud and energetic. you were lively. you challenged him just for the fun of it, you poked and prodded, just having fun being around him.

you were his self-declared best friend.

looking back on it, you probably always had feelings for tsukishima. back in those days when you tried to get into volleyball yourself. wanting to be like him, you tried your best, but you weren’t all that good. he would make fun of you for it, but you weren’t bothered by settling for being supportive of him and your freckled friend. You were just as passionate as they were about it.

you were even there when that passion jaded. watched as he stared at his brother from across the game.

it was when you started junior high, that you came to the conclusion that you were in love with your friend. but unlike most people, you did nothing to hide it. why would you? you were always open, always honest and straight to the point. you just weren’t one to hide that.

“go out with me, tsukki!” you poked his side with a cheeky grin, your eyes bright. your friend wasted no time in rejecting you.

“no.”

“aw, you sure?”

“i would never date somebody so stupidly annoying.” you shook off the blatant insult, laughing instead with your hand on your neck. a small thing you picked up from your other friend. yamaguchi.

“you’ll come around one day!”

“i doubt that.”

it went on like that all throughout your remaining years until high school. a constant back and forth that became a schedule at that point.

it was decided that tsukishima would be going to karasuno, as would yamaguchi. and so would you. you would go where they go, you’d never thought about leaving them both. you’d stay with them as long as possible, holding on to their friendship like it was your lifeline..

and holding onto tsukishima even more so.

you were there with them on the first day, when they joined volleyball club. that first practice match against aoba johsai.

you weren’t always watching their practices, since you had your own club duties to attend to of course. but you always made sure to stop by the clubroom while the boys were getting ready, just to say hi to everyone and to a certain someone.

“hey, hey!” you poked your head from around the door, waving a hand. the team greeted you cheerfully enough, minus tsukishima. who looked annoyed to no end.

“tsukki, wanna go grab something to eat after your practice? i know a really great spot!”

he didn’t even look at you, only giving you the middle finger.

you laughed, shrugging. “worth a try.”

the first time the team had witnessed your very forward approach to asking the extremely salty and crude boy out, they were surprised. the way he turned you down so effortlessly too, threw them off. the added shock of anybody even liking him was the cherry on top.

“is this normal?” sugawara asked, a chuckle falling from his lips. asahi was beside him, sweatdropping at the sight of your affectionate display, and tsukishima’s obvious lack of reciprocation.

yamaguchi smiled awkwardly, nodding. “well- yeah, actually. It’s been happening for years.”

“i’d kill to have somebody all over me like that! lucky bastard!” tanaka held his fist up dramatically, as if clenching his heart in it. he even had a tear in the corner of his eye.

“well then, i’ll be on my way! good practice, everyone!” you chirped, finally leaving them.

“l/n’s got some serious determination.” tanaka whistled.

“misplaced determination. they won’t shut up about dating, it’s annoying.” tsukishima didn’t sound as impressed as his loud senpai was.

yamaguchi tilted his head to the side. “really? i would’ve thought tha-”

“shut up.”

a small laugh. “sorry, tsukki.”

it would forever continue, it seemed like. you never thought you’d give it up, you always knew that you liked tsukishima. your heart would pound, your stomach would feel fluttery. but even though you’ve been with him since you were children, it didn’t seem like he’d grown to feel the same. it would get you down sometimes, his mean and harsh words whenever you’d bring it up. either casually, or intentionally.

you couldn’t help being so hopelessly whipped!

you were walking down the sidewalk with yamaguchi and tsukishima, humming along to a new song that had been dropped recently. you were so into it, strumming your fingers like you were the one playing in the recording. tsukishima watched you with critical eyes, but yamaguchi watched as if this was entertaining.

“new song, l/n?” yamaguchi asked you, and you paused the music. you nodded right away, grinning.

“yeah! there’s this kind of new band I found a bit ago, i think around the time you guys met nekoma for that first practice match? their music is so cool!” you could go on and on about them, to be honest. they may be small, and very underground, but you liked them anyways.

“wahh, they sound cool- right, tsukki?” yamaguchi and you both looked behind at him, faces expecting the same sentiment.

he only scoffed.

you roll your eyes playfully, sidling up to him for the first time today. “you want to go get some ice cream, tsukki?” you wished, hoped for him to just say yes for once. your heart was begging at this point.

“get out of my face, l/n.” he said coldly.

with a defeated sigh, you walked a few steps quicker, before unpausing the music. the humming resumed, and yamaguchi glanced back and forth between you both with a weary expression.

“you could try to be a bit nicer, tsukki-”

“they can’t take a damn hint, it’s not my job to be nice about it.” He said stubbornly.

yamaguchi sighed himself, nodding along. there wasn’t a point in continuing the topic; he always shut it down whenever yamaguchi brought it up. he’s never been so aggressive about something before.

interhigh had come, taking up your friend’s time with it. you were upset that they’d be so busy now, but with the new tournament coming, came a new student.

he was friendly, and cheerful, and honestly probably one of the most charming people you’ve ever met in your life. he even looked familiar to you, like you’ve seen him somewhere before. you couldn’t figure it out, so you just opted to the conclusion you must have just passed him down the street at some point. or some strange case of deja vu? either way, he was in your class now.

you were just coming back from the bathroom, your earbuds plugged into your ears like they usually were nowadays.

“l/n, please take your earbuds out, it’s class time.” iour teacher scolded you gently, and you pouted a little. It was just getting to a good part-

you had tugged on them a little too hard, and instead of just getting them out of your ears, they came out of the headphone jack completely.

you were embarrassed as your new favorite band’s music started blasting out of the phone’s speakers, and you hurried to turn it off. You were blushing, laughing at yourself as you went to go sit back down.

ahh, dang! everyone heard that! you were just laughing at yourself in your head now.

there was a tap on your desk, and you turned your face towards the hand. it was the new kid, and his face looked bright.

“you listen to my band’s music?” he whispered to you, his face beaming, and you gasped quietly.

“is this you?” you pointed at your pocket, where your phone rested. he nodded.

“that’s so- wow, i go to school with one of the people in my favo-”

“l/n, do you have something to say about the lecture?”

you shook your head violently, holding back a huge grin. “n-no, miss!” your teacher sighed, and continued past the interruption.

the looks you both shared didn’t go unnoticed by tsukishima.

everyday now, you were hanging around the new kid. you had come to learn his name, which was ishiwaka teruo. you both had hit it off instantly, it was like you guys had known each other forever, and not just a few weeks. it was almost like some crazy twist of fate, or luck. you guys were both alike in a lot of ways, held similar passions, too.

“see you, ishi!” you waved a hand, grinning as he waved a goodbye back. you guys didn’t take the same way home, so he ended up leaving the opposite direction, while you walked with tsukishima and yamaguchi. you were humming again, one of ishiwaka’s band’s songs.

“you seem pretty happy, l/n.” yamaguchi chuckled, watching as you danced a little. 

“oh yeah, you bet! ishi actually invited me to sit in for one of his practices, isn’t that so cool? he plays the bass, and he even offered to teach me a few chords. i don’t really mess with instruments, but-”

“can you shut up about him? all you do is just yap on and on about this guy, hanging out with him isn’t enough for you? what’s so special anyways?” his tone was harsh, and condescending. “if you’re just going to talk about him all the time, i’m not walking with you guys anymore.” your eyes widened as soon as you heard what tsukishima had just said. your heart was pounding, like it had been caught in the act of something terrible. you even felt slightly ashamed.

“wow, nice, tsukki. sorry for being excited about something.” you muttered, clutching your bag straps tight. what did you expect at this point? he didn’t like you as much as you thought, if he was so ready to just leave you behind. yamaguchi sensed the tension between you both, which made him uncomfortable.

you were all quiet for the rest of the way home.

interhigh came and went, the loss against aoba johsai stung the volleyball team, leaving their spirits broken, and cracked. you hadn’t been to the game that day, busy with a certain band member. and your missing presence hadn’t been looked over.

“where were you?” tsukishima had confronted you in the hallways, while you were walking with ishiwaka to the water fountain. it was break, which meant he could freely talk to you now.

you looked away from him, a nervous air around you that wasn’t like you at all.

“i’m sorry i couldn’t make it, tsukki- i heard that you guys lost, and i’m really sorry i couldn’t have been there!” your words were careful and slow, like you were thinking on how to say the right thing to him.

the blonde closed his eyes, and looked off to the side. he didn’t look pleased in the slightest. “were you with your precious band member? like some kind of groupie.” 

ishiwaka raised an eyebrow, and you just shook your head. tsukishima was really doing this right now? you said sorry, what else were you supposed to say?

“you know what, yeah. i was with him. it’s not like..it’s not like i have to be around you or yamaguchi every second of the day, okay?” you sighed. “look, i’ll make it to your next practice, and skip my club activities. is that fine?”

he hesitated, before giving you a curt nod. you smiled in relief. “great! i’ll see you then. now, about that specific measure-”

you had left him behind, and tsukishima had been hit with a realization.

you hadn’t mentioned going on a date at all. not today, not even within the past few weeks. was something wrong with you? he’d gotten so used to that, but now even that wasn’t a constant.

it was like you were slipping away from him, day by day.

and he realized that he didn’t like that.

as the days went on, thoughts about this ran rampant through his mind. it was maddening, he was trying to focus on school, and now, as he was walking to the clubroom, volleyball. he was scarily silent, and yamaguchi caught onto it right away.

“tsukki?” he asked quietly, not wanting to push. but he wanted to know. ever since tsukishima had come back from break that day, he’d been acting strange. he was even saltier, if that was possible.

“am i not enough for l/n?” he spit out the question, like it was a disease.

taken aback, the freckled boy could only blink. the two stopped walking, looking right at each other now. “what?”

tsukishima barked out a laugh, running a hand over his face in frustration. “you heard me, yamaguchi.”

yamaguchi’s jaw dropped. “do you miss them?” was he for real? was this jealousy actually coming from tsukishima?

“hell if i know.” he muttered. but he knew the answer, and that’s what upset him.

“i knew it. tsukki, why did it have to be now, though?” he shook his head in disbelief. at the utter obliviousness of this boy. yamaguchi knew himself that there was something there in tsukishima, something resembling feelings for you. but of course it was when you were no longer always around that he saw it.

“what?”

“l/n isn’t a puppy anymore, they’re not following after you. if you haven’t noticed, they’ve given up. you need to do this yourself, and fix it.” yamaguchi stated. he wouldn’t be lying if he said that he’d been frustrated with the back and forth between you both, it was so obvious to him, but apparently not obvious to tsukishima. or you, for that matter.

“i know that.” he muttered. he would have to confront you about this. was he stupid? why didn’t he get this before? 

“then do something about it.”

tsukishima was quiet.

it was decided by him that he’d catch you outside of practice, since you said you’d be coming to watch. it was a quick, and impulsive decision from him, but he needed this to be figured out. his head was at it’s most unclear, and that was affecting him.

you were affecting him.

he looked around the outside of the gym, trying to see if he could spot you coming. it took a minute, before he saw a figure off to the side. it was you, he could tell by that bag anywhere. he stepped out, only to be met with the full picture.

you were with ishiwaka, and you were kissing him.

tsukishima hurried back into the gym with a stone-cold expression. oh. so this is where he stood now.

no longer at the top of your list, no longer important.

you walked into the gym, beaming. it angered tsukishima, more than he should have been. he yanked your arm, and held you by them with a vice grip. you looked up at your friend with nervous, maybe even scared eyes. you hadn’t seen tsukishima like this before.

“what is he to you?”

you blinked. “wh-what?”

“who is he to you? that little bass player.” his eyes were searching yours, for anything, anything that he could hold on to. you didn’t respond, only looking away from his intense stare.

your eyes didn’t hold that same look that they used to whenever you looked at him. 

he had his answer. and he didn’t like it. so he let go of you, maybe for real this time. things had changed so much, right under his nose. and he had let it happen.

[modernday-jay]

i love your office au, do you have anything you wanna share?

i've been avoiding talking about this because i wanted to draw it all out and have it be revealed in parts but i think i'm a bit too lazy for that

BUT, i have always thought about the timeline for it like... if this was a show, this would happen here. like "this season would be abt that, oh the finale would be this, etc etc" y'know? so here's the vague outline i had (and yeah, it's VERY fruk-centric)

season 1

romerica/geritapan

it would start out with the beginning of alfred's time as a manager, he's just trying to figure out how to run the business and how to get everyone on board with his ideas.

lovino's current struggle is that he's got a huge crush on alfred but y'know, now that alfred's his boss it's just a weird power dynamic that he doesn't like so he's TRYING to get over it. it doesn't help that feliciano is constantly trying to talk to him about his love life and his complicated feelings over ludwig/kiku

fruk

fruk are just mean desk mates that usually bully each other OR team up to bully alfred, who used to sit with them and yao when he was just a normal salesman. 

slowly it'd reveal that arthur writes smut on his computer, and that francis reads it. and the season finale would be the part where they stay back overtime and ALMOST sleep together, which i get into more detail in this post

season 2

romerica

alfred’s really upset that his coworkers (who used to like him!) refuse to listen to him, so he tries really hard to boost office morale with a raffle. unfortunately, no one puts their name into it :( that day, when everyones leaving the office, lovino notices alfred near the box being all sad and even though he’s been trying to make some distance between them, he can’t help but ask what’s wrong. alfred says smth sad like “gee maybe i’m not good enough to be a manager, huh?” and leaves, so lovino’s left staring at the box. 

the next day the raffle box is FULL of names by lunch, and alfred’s like MAD excited about this. he takes a paper out and calls out “arthur? arthur you won the raffle buddy!” and arthur’s just like ??? i didn’t put my name in ??? and he’s right, he didn’t. but lovino spent his whole night writing down everyones names a couple of times and put them all in when alfred left for lunch. alfred doesn’t know this, and lovino obviously never gets credit where it’s due, but it’s worth it to see alfred at least a little more confident again. 

fruk

fruk shenanigans where they're sneaking around and sorta half dating?? but they're both stubborn and don't want to admit to each other that they actually want to pursue a weird relationship. explained more in this post!

everyone kinda knows what's going on because they're really obvious, except for alfred. but alfred notices that SOMETHING'S weird because the sales from both francis and arthur have been going down lately (because they're too busy hooking up around the office, but alfred thinks it's because they must miss him, so he tries to hold an intervention for them where he tries to tell them to stop missing him so much!) + yao actually catches them in the act which makes both arthur and francis panic

season finale would be arthur going down for a smoke break with joao, but then gilbert and antonio are making fun of arthur because of the smut (as they should), arthur gets embarrassed and confronts francis about it which leads to them having a big fight. and arthur would get a chance to say the stuff in this post

season 3

fruk 

this one opens with arthur at a new branch and he’s just like “i had to move for... reasons” (reasons being the fact that he can’t deal with his feelings for francis anymore so he just runs away from it) 

obviously francis is pretty crushed about this but he won’t admit it. arthur probably comes back halfway through the season and they finally talk about their relationship properly, because the time away from each other made them realise how much they needed each other and all that sappy stuff 

season 4

romerica

alfred needs to go to a conference and brings lovino along with him for a quirky little roadtrip. we also meet ivan here! by this time, lovino thinks he’s gotten over his feelings for alfred completely but the roadtrip reminds him of the good times they had when alfred was just a salesman. they end up kissing but alfred pulls back, obviously a little heartbroken and says “hey, we can’t... i’m your boss... but you’re still my bestfriend so can we just stay friends?” and lovino just stares at him for a sec before nodding. it’s a little awkward for them the rest of the way home.

when they’re back at the office, alfred ends up absorbing himself into his work since ivan sparked that rivalry in him and lovino’s stopped talking to him aside from normal work talk.

fruk

things are finally going good for them, they’re dating and finally have a steady relationship. their numbers are finally up because now they’re hooking up AFTER work hours, and they finally tell the entire office. alfred is the only one surprised. 

season 5

romerica

so throughout all the seasons, lovino would show a big interest in art and it turns out that he’s pretty great at painting. he’d love to pursue art school or something like that, but until now he’s been too scared to try it out. his relationship with alfred is weird and he thinks that NOW is finally the time to try and do something new. working for alfred’s proving to be too hard. he doesn’t tell anyone, but he finally applies for art school and he gets in! he still works at the office though while he’s studying because y’know, he still needs the money

fruk

after a good long while of dating, one of them proposes. alfred comes in late the day they’re announcing it, so arthur has to repeat it and alfred TACKLES him in excitement because he’s THAT happy for them - like this scene

the season would end with their wedding. alfred cries when arthur doesn’t ask him to be his best man lmao 

season 6

canukr

ANOTHER wedding, it’s not a season finale type deal since katya and matthew are just side characters but it’s a fun opportunity for hijinks between alfred and ivan. plus, alfred finally gets to be a best man! 

fruk

just them navigating marriage. they’re scared they’re becoming boring so they try to spice things up every once in a while and their hijinks become increasingly more stupid throughout the season. 

romerica

nothing much really happens between them, but they are starting to be friends again but there’s still that tension. lovino likes alfred and alfred likes lovino, but alfred also likes his job. 

season 7

fruk

they eventually calm down and finally start talking about making their family bigger. they choose to adopt two baby girls at the end of the season

romerica

lovino’s finished art school and by the end of the season, he finds a new job as an art teacher. he’s reluctant to leave this job because he was afraid to mess up something he ACTUALLY enjoys, but alfred encourages him to go ahead with it because even though he’d miss seeing him everyday, this is lovino’s dream!

it’s really sad and dramatic UNTIL they both realise... alfred’s not his boss anymore, they can finally try out a relationship. the final episode ends with alfred coming to this realisation, running out to the parking lot before lovino can leave the office for the last time to kiss him!