#there’s also a lot I could talk about regarding the tangled series

[monsterbananatv]

Watching Tangled for the millionth time (as one does) and I’ll never be over the fact that Mother Gothel always stroked and kissed Rapunzel’s hair when telling her how much she loved her and called flower because that was all she cared about. She never cared about Rapunzel, just her hair. But Eugene was always brushing Rapunzels hair out of her face because he wanted to look at her. He wanted to look at her because HE LOVED HER

asdfghdjsk it kills me I love them so much, I love this movie so much

[recurring-polynya]

Hi! I want to start off with saying I love your blog and it was this blog that introduced me to a new side of the Bleach fandom, so I owe you a huge thanks for that. My question pretains to when you mentioned that you read a lot of fics where Byakuya was there when his father died in the lines of duty, and I was wondering if you could recommend those fics and any other byakuya centric ones.

You're very welcome! I am always excited see new people in the fandom, especially here on Tumblr.

I want to preface this with saying that I have kind of a complicated relationship with Byakuya. He is an interesting, complex character and I like to read fanfic about him, but I hesitate to call myself a fan. I'm mostly interested in his character as it stands in relation to Rukia and Renji. I like stories where he is shitty and causes problems. I like reading about the long, horrible history of the Kuchiki clan, and how much it screws a person up to be raised in that mess. I also just like stories that make fun of him a bit. He's a deeply strange person, and I love his weird, dry sense of humor. Byakuya-shipping usually falls flat for me: I think he's mostly ace, except for the time he fell in love with his wife, and even then, I only really like Byahisa stories where the author has done something creative with who she is and I also need her to drag his ass a little. I would swipe left on him. So, anyway, take these recommendations (and the absence of ones I have missed) with that grain of salt.

The fanfic I was specifically referring to regarding Soujun dying after a mission he and Byakuya were on together was the Rise & Ruin series by @afinepiece, specifically part 2, An Education. It's a...little-bit-AUish precanon fic where Hisana is a thief who ends up getting tangled up in the Kuchiki family after she attempts to steal a painting from them. If you're looking for Byakuya fanfic, AFP is always going to be my first recommendation, especially her Thin Red Line series. Her works are always sprawling and genre-defying, but beautifully crafted. They've got noble/family drama, intricate world-building detail, and great character writing. The Kuchiki family deserves epics, and that is what AFP is out here doing.

Funnily enough, my other favorite ByaHisa writer is all the way at the other end of the writing spectrum. @thegreenfaery. She works in the AU space, and if you enjoy Byakuya Going Thru It but also being in love with his beautiful wife. I'm biased, because she wrote it for me, but The Wedding Party is my fave of her works (80's/everyone's human AU where Hisana has to rent out part of Byakuya's house for her little sister's dirtbag wedding).

If you like Byakuya in his gothic horror era, please read dogviolet by @renjirukia. It's a closer examination of some canon between-scenes during Byakuya and Rukia's Bad Times period.

I think @lucymonster is one of the best Byakuya character writers out there, and Metaesthesia is one of the best fanfics I've ever read. It's a Byakuya - Renji bodyswap, but not in a fun way. You should really only read it if you're in the mood to have your heart kicked down the stairs. I also really like Sticks and Stones and Building Bridges. Note: Most of her works are ByaRen (these are not, at least not explicitly). That's not a ship I am normally fond of, but I get, like 3 weird days a year where I can read it.

Speaking of ByaRen, if you are into it, the other ByaRen writer I like a lot is @grizmelder, who is also a very nice person. I particularly enjoyed Heart Tangled, which is a historical AU set at the end of the samurai era, where Renji is Byakuya's bodyguard.

I was just talking about Lull the other day, but it's a lovely little fanfic by Branch about the relationship between Byakuya and Rukia and sometimes Renji. It's an older fanfic and breaks off from canon after the Soul Society arc, so you can think of it as sort of an alternate idea for how Soul Society rebuilds after Aizen's betrayal.

The Journal of Kuchiki Byakuya by @saranel is a great little fic in the form of young Byakuya writing diary entries about his life, in particular, his dealings with Yoruichi and Urahara. It's really cute in general, but in particular, I love the way it portrays Byakuya's interest in photography.

I also have a soft spot for Breaking to Bridle by Vivienne Grainger, which is about how Byakuya sees Renji, both as lieutenant and eventually as suitor for his sister.

I guess I would be remiss if I didn't mention my favorite crack Byakuya fic, which is Become a Ghost by @hardlyfatal. Orihime dies and goes to Soul Society and becomes a therapist and falls in love with Byakuya. It's pretty silly but also a lot of fun, and it's chock full of Byakuya being Byakuya.

I hope you find something you like in there! Like I said, I am not the world's best Byakuya fan (probably in the top ten worst Byakuya fans tbh) but these are some that I have enjoyed and have stuck with me!

[crusherthedoctor]

It really is not just annoying, but also somewhat sad, that IDW characters can never have a meaty role without shamelessly upstaging a game character. It's the ultimate play of insecurity.

Tangle gets touted as the Sonic Female of All Time while the crewmembers drag the game females through the mud.

Whisper gets randomly fawned over by Silver and Jet of all guys.

Lanolin humiliates Silver and treats him like a child.

Rough and Tumble are too much for Cream the OP to handle.

Starline was hyped up for an extended period as Eggman's superior (no, his final fate did not undo sitting through his agonizing "Sonic VS Eggman is routine" soapboxing).

Surge is being hyped up for even longer as the most badass villain and the most badass character period, despite having absolutely nothing of merit to show for it.

Is it really that hard to find a middle ground? I get you want your character(s) to do big things and be a legitimate part of the cast instead of sitting in the background with their thumbs twiddling, but this is not the way to do it. Trip was only recently introduced to the series, and she found her place just fine. She didn't need to effortlessly beat up Sonic in concept art in order to earn her stripes. She didn't need her creators to brag that she would improve Forces through her mere presence in order to cement her value.

Look. I talk a lot about Trudy. I talk a lot about her role in my fic, her interactions, her dynamics, her abilities, her quirks, all that good stuff. I take her role in the story quite seriously, and in an age where it's become taboo to have your OC do literally anything with the game cast (because overcorrection), I've stuck to my guns and made her a big part of the fic.

But - and this is a big but - none of this comes at the cost of the other characters, or the story as a whole. Sonic is still Sonic, and acts as you'd expect from him. Tails is still Tails, and isn't dismissed by the narrative as a mere sidekick to prop up Trudy as the "true" hero by comparison. Amy is still her bubbly self, not morphed into a Sally clone. Cream is still capable, despite her youth and innocence, and her bond with Trudy doesn't reduce her to literal baby. Eggman treats Trudy no differently from the rest of the cast, and he sure as hell doesn't show any fear at the prospect of facing her. Stellar is not little more than The Trudy Show: it's Sonic's latest adventure in a new land that Trudy happens to be tagging along for, and how he leaves an impression on her. Just like Unleashed did with Chip, and Secret Rings did with Shahra, among other examples.

Even Sonudis, for as Never Going To Happen In Canon For Very Obvious Reasons as it is, is still made with the mentality of not only what Sonic himself is actually like in canon, but the others too. It's not a shallow bait that exists solely to exist, it's something I took seriously in regards to how it could potentially work without sacrificing Sonic's official characterization. Is it a fanfic cliche? Is it self-indulgent? Maybe, but writing fanfic in general is inherently self-indulgent. The sooner you accept that, the better. But as fanfic-y as some concepts may be, I still try to portray them as naturally and as faithfully as I can in respect to the games that spawned this franchise. That includes not reducing Sonic to a lap dog with no independence or backbone.

You can make your character important, and even give them a risky role if you're daring, without disrespecting the game cast and what they contribute to the franchise.

[questforgalas]

As always I will hold firm that this blog is a space for positivity while welcoming constructive criticisms of media. I’m a firm believer you can enjoy a media while still accepting it’s flaws/not vibing with an episode/not vibe with some writing choices etc.

I have a lot of emotions swirling in my brain after the Bad Batch panel at Star Wars celebration.

The panel started off with a montage recap of season 2, and I became so emotional watching it. It reminded how much I really loved this season and how beautiful it was cinematically, the development we got with the characters (got extra teary when they showed Crosshair shoot Nolan and the audience erupted, my man deserves all the flowers 😭😭😭), and wonderful development with the story of the clones and the empire.

There was a lot of focus in the beginning of the panel on Omega's development from Season 1 to Season 2 along with her development through Season 2, and her view of what's right and what's wrong being challenged like every child when they experience that everything is not right and just, and it was really heartwarming to watch Michelle talk so passionately about Omega. It's clear she loves this character and is so excited to bring her light to life in the galaxy. I also thought it was interesting when she and Athena (a producer) brought up the fact that Omega is actually older than the batchers, and as much as we view it as "over protective older brothers", Athena and Michelle made the distinction that it's actually "over protective older sister", and that gave me a major perspective switch to her character and her need to put herself in danger regarding the Batch that I hadn't thought about before. I think this realllllly plays into the now very talked about moment in the trailer (that I haven't watched yet) with Crosshair saying "I'm not like them" to Omega - I 10000% believe this is Crosshair, mr. wicked-observant-perceptive-sniper, pushing Omega away because he knows she'll put herself in danger for them and Crosshair genuinely believing he's not worthy of being considered a Batcher anymore and not worthy of her dedication. Someone fucking sedate me and my emotions regarding this pixelated man

Dee saying "I'm very excited by the screws that are turning, the wheels that are grinding, as this story plays out in all of its interesting ways in particular around Crosshair" gave me the air under my wings I need to get me to 2024.

Now, I'm someone who when I watch panels like this, I analyze every smirk and smile and frown and eye glimmer when a spoiler topic comes up, so let's get into when Tech came up (putting under the cut because this is getting long and some people may not want to see Tech conversation yet).

Michelle: stuttered through her whole answer, not in a "overcome with emotions can't talk way" (although she did get choked up initially talking about it which ugh love ya babe 💖) but it came off as she didn't really know what she could say in the moment. "Ok no he doesn't come back in this episode, at least", big pause before "at least"

Dee: probably the most convincing that Tech's gone. Even tone throughout, passionate (for Dee) talk about saying goodbye to this character. Got emotional at the end. BUT THEN when he discusses Tech and Phee's dynamic later in the panel, is all present tense

Jennifer: Got very emotional. Couldn't finish her explanation. Brought on the emphasis of Omega's perspective and Hunter's worst nightmare. Used the word "definitive" a couple times. Had spent other moments in the panel previously talking about how "every time they got involved with the Empire, it didn't end well"

Brad: More emphasis on what happenen when the Batch tangled with the Empire, and Tarkin being the ultimate Empire force at the time. Intercepted by Dee, a lot of finality speak

So, after watching that moment a few times now, I still stand firm that, until the end credits of the series role and no body is returned, Tech will come back, but I will admit that watching the panel brought my assuredness down from 90% to 50%. Unless that entire panel are the best actors and phenomenal at not giving any tells, it was hard to grasp onto hope that Tech will come back after watching that. Which brings me to my criticism

If Tech is actually dead, and the OG 4 Batch are not reunited before the end of Season 3 aka the end of the series, then that will leave a sour taste in my mouth with the series as a whole. Genuinely Season 3 could be the Crosshair show and it would not save the series from my overall opinion if the OG 4 are not together and then the whole Batch family have their conclusion.

I want to be very clear, that conclusion could be all 5 of them chilling on Pabu together (although I think Echo is going to end with being part of the rebellion) or it could be that all of them fall fighting the empire in a blaze of glory together - which I admit seems more likely with the ongoing theme of "they're not just soldiers but they can't get away from it, and every time they engage with the Empire it doesn't end well for them, but now it's personal" - but either way, if it's all of the Batch together I don't care how it ends. I also want to be very clear that I will still love the series and I will still rave about them and blog about them in a positive light, but I will have a very hard time at the conclusion of the series if this doesn't happen.

It narratively and logically makes no sense to me to introduce the Batch as they did in TCW to have them separated within the first 60 minutes of their own series and have a focus be on how out of synch they are when they're not all together, to then continue to separate them with absolutely no sense of closure. It makes no sense to me to emphasize their brotherhood and their sibling dynamic more than any other clone squadron, even the dominos, and that emphasis be really put on Crosshair (after rewatching TCW arc, ALOT of the typical sibling moments are between Crosshair and another batcher. He is the sibling focal point in that arc and "Aftermath") to have him be ripped away from them and never have that reunion with one of his original brothers. It makes no sense to me to have Tech be the one to stand up to Hunter and declare Crosshair as still their brother and they need to go get him to have him then be killed off in a very flat way to not have that reunion moment.

Admittedly, I fell in love with the Batch because of their dynamic in TCW arc, and I expected there to be changes through their series, that's what character development is for. I also admit that the hope that the OG 4 would be reunited kept me coming back each week, which then resulted in me just being hooked and attached in general as I grew to love each batcher, especially Echo and his dynamic with the squad too. But if Tech is really dead, I am just so confused as to why they'd take what hooked so many people on the Batch as a whole and throw it out the window.

With all of this said, I completely recognize that I'm not the creator(s) of this show and I'm not making the decisions, so if the OG 4 reuniting is not an end result, then I may not agree with it but it's not my decision and I still love and appreciate what they've given to/will give us.

So, we obviously have awhile until 2024, and I will be gobbling up every crumb they throw at us as the season comes closer. It is more than likely that by the time the season comes around, I will be emotionally feral and unhinged living in an AU la la land. I am so so excited to see how they conclude this story and very hopeful for what they have in store. Until those end credits role, I will hang onto the hope that the OG 4 + Echo + Omega will be together again, and I'll happily strap in for whatever ride they throw us on.

But please, please, please bring the OG dynamic back.

[tornrose24]

So a fews days ago, @chinirom05 asked me some questions regarding my art and writing, and I told them the question was too good to be just on a DM, because my response might help other creatives/writers.

So to answer the questions...

When it comes to fashion, it really depends on a few factors. Since I’ve mainly done fan art on here, it boils down to ‘What’s the event/time period’ and ‘who is the character I’m dressing up.’ As a bonus, sometimes I try to factor in if I want to pay homage to the character’s ethnicity/heritage (I did this for those TGAMM Aladdin AU drawings for the princess attire).

So I’m going to go WAY back in the past for one example that the CU fandom might recall–remember the CU Tangled AU drawings and fics I collaborated with @princeasimdiya12 ?

While there was inspiration from the movie its based on, I also had to research the time period the movie supposedly takes place in (I think it was around the 1790s if I remember correctly). Edith was the best challenge for this one because there were a lot of dresses to put her in, but I also needed to design them in a way that reflected her character as well as would look good for her body type since she has a plus sized figure. The apron from the first fic was meant to show off her creative side, Her castle dress had polka dots as a nod to her canon outfit, and the ballgown used colors I thought would be good on her–but blue was a necessary element due to her iconic blue eyes. (damn, that was YEARS ago and when I had my old tablet!) Also I loved getting an excuse to research period outfits and creating dresses. George and Harold’s outfits outfits took inspiration from the characters they were based on, but I kept their color schemes and looked up clothes boys might have worn back then.

A more recent example was from the TGAMM fic Her First Forever Friend, and I did do drawings for it, including the example I’m about to talk about. It comes late in the fic (chapter 13, to be specific), but for the moment in question, I wanted to give Molly a new outfit that was meant to be symbolic/reflective of her nature and growth in the story (especially given how limited her wardrobe is in the show). I researched sundresses (or just dresses) for a girl her age, until I found a design I could work with that also looked like something Molly would wear. I also used yellow daisies in her appearance as a theme and for the symbolism behind it (I wanted to use pink lotus flowers at first, but their meaning didn’t exactly fit what I was after). If you’ve read the fic or seen my drawings for the fic (which includes her in that dress), then you’d understand the meaning behind it as well as what the outfit is meant to be parallel to. (Also, if anyone is reading this, do NOT click the link if you haven't seen the series finale of The Ghost and Molly McGee, or read up to ch 13 of my fic.)

If you mean inspiration for fashion… I get it from almost anywhere. For art in general? Well, I started taking inspiration from anime, and then gradually cartoons.

For the writing question… well, it’s not easy. When I have a story, I focus on the ideas and plan things out in my head. However, I might not have the things in between right away, so I might have scenes that take a bit more work to figure out compared to others. There are also some times where I realize an idea might not work so I’ll have to plan it out differently, or I want the story to go in another direction (or I just can’t use an idea).

One good example of this is–again–Her First Forever Friend. I thought I’d be doing a one shot, but it had the potential to be more, so I gave it a go. Here were some challenges:

-Since Molly came to Brighton earlier than usual, how would certain events change as a result? If she’s meant to defeat The Chairman just like in canon, how do I get to that? What’s going to be the big moment where ‘everything changes?’

-Chapter 4. Everyone who read this fic knows this chapter for lots for reasons. As I wrote in my notes, I had a huge decision in ‘who will stay and who will go’ by the end of it. I knew I had a much more interesting story on my hands if I made the choice that I ultimately went with, as well as a really good character arc for someone who needed it… and my readers really enjoyed how that character arc developed. (There’s one line in chapter 6 that best reflects this arc and my readers quoted it in their comments on archive.) In the chapter that came after this, I wanted to put the fortune teller oc in the dream sequence, but I opted not too as it would have made the scene too messy and I needed to keep attention on the three characters already in it.

–When I got to chapter 8, I had an idea of what I wanted to do, but then I realized ‘wait a minute, I’m seeing a problem/plot hole in the future if I just continue forward.’ So I had to give the duo a new problem as well as a way to find the solution–it extended the story to about 2/3 chapters but it was worth it, and I got some good moments to write out.

So yeah, just some examples of my writing process. Sometimes I have things planned, and sometimes I don’t. Especially if I don’t have the entire story arc in my head.

Also, I’ve learned that I need to try to simplify some sentences to make them flow–especially if there’s action in it (a reader commented that my fighting scenes needed shorter sentences to make them easier to read many years back). However, I like going all out on the more emotional moments–if there’s a heartwarming moment in any of my fics, chances are that’s something I loved working on the most and went all out. Also, I’m sorry if you ever need to look up words–I guess that’s the academic side of me wanting to include things that hopefully the readers will look into.

Now if you are collaborating with someone, like I did with princeasimdiya12? There’s a bit of compromise, but I’ve tried to include all of our ideas and put them together. It’s been a long time since I wrote the Tangled CU AU fics and I can’t recall which exact story elements were his at the moment but I made sure to make a note as to which story elements were his. (Also, I’ve seen some collaboration fics where it looks like there’s a scene going on, but everything looks painfully out of order as if the two are writing responses at different or later times, and I can’t handle it.)

Anyway, I hope that advice helps somewhat.

[beevean]

What's your opinion on clip from bumblekast from Flynn the "lord and savior of sonic shit"

https://twitter.com/candyypirate/status/1699456415008539130?s=20

https://twitter.com/candyypirate/status/1699462944440889623?s=20

I don't think the tweets embedded well, so here's the script:

What is up with Shadow's bio on the Fast Friends Forever website? According to the bio, Shadow is fighting to protect the planet, but only for the sake of Maria's memory while having no personal investment on the planet itself. I don't know how important these are to the series or characterization, but wouldn't making this aspect of his character the main reason for his protection of the planet be a regression and a contradiction to his development during Shadow the Hedgehog's final story? I know he still thinks about Maria due to the Sonic Channel stories, but we also know he decided to stand up for humanity himself while Black Doom was manipulating and pelting him with only bad memories. Assuming these bios aren't just oversimplified for marketing reasons, how come he's going back to doing everything for Maria's wish, if he already did all that without those memories, learned to move on from his past and her promise, and was written in 06 to show himself as a hero on his own terms?

F: That is a very good question, it is very valid... and I cannot talk about it right now. That is not a hand wave: there is other stuff that plays into this that I cannot get into just yet. So... hold your horses.

K Is this a... Is this a "#KnowingLook moment", like, maybe not a smile...

F: This is a "#KnowingSmile" combo :)

The implication here is that Shadow will have a major role in a future game? I... I honestly don't even care about keeping up with the FFF bios because the whole thing looks like a very simple show for kids lol. It is a little tiring to chain Shadow to Maria, but him having no investment on the planet itself kinda reminds me of the Sonic Channel story that this person is referencing.

As someone who just likes the games, barely read the first IDW issues and isn't interested in going further, what kind of potential impact on the games can I expect from the inclusion of IDW/Prime as official canon? I dread having elements from the comics/Prime directly coming into the games, thus alienating game-only fans who don't/can't read the comics. Given that comics seem to have much more going on than the games in terms of events, dialogue, character moments due to their structure, including IDW comics as canon make it seem like the canon medium where most stuff happens since Forces, thus a bit alienating to game-only fans. Especially when games nowadays don't release as often as they used to and aren't as "narratively intense" as a comic series, while the IDW comics have been releasing for 5 years and counting.

F: A fair concern, and I think to a degree it's new territory for everybody that's largely untested, because since IDW started we've had one Mainline game - that's really hard to gauge by...

K: And we still don't know when the game takes place in relation to the comics! You might, Ian but we don't, largely as an audience...

F: But I think everyone involved is aware of just that concern. So if Tangle were to show up in Frontiers 2 or whatever (that is not a #KnowingSmile, that's not me dropping a hint, that's just me giving an example), she would still need to be introduced as a new character.

Using Sonic Frontiers as the example by itself, if this was your first game with Sonic, there is a lot of deep character interaction between Sonic, Amy, Knuckles and Tails that, if you haven't played the Sonic series or kept track with 30 years of miscellaneous lore bits, you could potentially be a bit lost. But, so long as you understand the core relationships between them, the greater details aren't necessarily necessary for understanding the game. Like, you understand that Sonic and Knuckles are kind of friendly rivals, you don't necessarily need to know that they first met on Angel Island resolving the Death Egg crisis, you don't have to know that Knuckles discovered his history through a flying pink talking orb, that's irrelevant! It's that they are kinda at odds and, you know, despite that they still look out for each other.

K: And you can cut the tension between them with a butter knife!

F: You know Sonic and Amy have a very, uh, deep relationship, you don't need to understand the roller coaster of Amy's characterization from Adventure onward: you just need to know that they mutually trust and respect each other a great deal.

So, same thing if there's any crossover with the IDW material, then it needs to be presented in a context that is accessible, and that would come from in the Sonic and Tangle example, you know, they would encounter each other, and they would greet each other, there'd be like a little bit of expository dialogue to make you understand that, okay, they're friends, and she's kind of, uh, bouncing off the walls fun, and go from there. We don't necessarily have to reference that, you know, she sacrificed herself to help Sonic in the Metal Virus Plague. Is that relevant to the story that's going on? Probably not. Is it something neat for you to read later on if you want to? Sure! But I honestly do not foresee us directly referencing IDW events in the games, because I don't see that being a continuation.

Like, case in point, as of this recording... the Japanese Market is just now getting the end of Metal Virus. They haven't even been introduced to Belle, or any of Starline's personal arc. If we released a game within the next couple of years that relied on those, they'd be in the dark, never mind the rest of the global community! So, the events of the games do matter to the comics, and the comics will introduce elements that I imagine can cross-pollinate, but they will hopefully be handled in a way that is accessible to the largest audience of Sonic fans.

K: And would you say the same pretty much applies to Prime as well? There's some concern about that. I know you can't talk...

F: Prime is kind of a special case and I can't get into it without spoiling the end of Season 1 so... *disgusted tone* and none of this Season 1, 2, 3 nonsense, it's Season 1, Netflix is just chopping up into pieces.

K: Thanks Netflix for nothing.

I agree with the asker's point but not their reasoning lol

God there is so much going on here. This is why I hate the Bumblekasts lol, Flynn jumps from topic to topic and I have even less attention span than apparently he does.

So Flynn knows where the comics take place in canon, but we don't? Uh. That's a little concerning. Kyle makes it sound like they're going to drop a lore bomb soon...

"deep character interaction" just call them callbacks. That's the only thing that would confuse a newcomer, the sheer amount of pointless callbacks. Without them, you can more or less get their personalities just fine... Tails is the only one whose arc hinges on you knowing that Forces made the fandom explode lol

When he said "she would still need to be introduced as a new character", I thought he meant that Tangle will be a different version of herself in the games. I'm sorry, no, it would be so weird if I played a new Sonic game and Tangle showed up and Sonic was like "hey my good bud Tangle! Long time no see! Still chilling with Whisper?", like ??? whomst the fuck are you?

Nice dig at Amy, by the way :) thank you :) that was totally relevant to the point :)

... I completely forgot that Tangle sacrificed herself for Sonic. lol. lmao. You know she's a great character when you forget about her most heroic moment because IDW reduced her to a cute quirky ADHD babygirl.

Good point about the global marketing. Kudos to Flynn for remembering that the world doesn't begin and end with the US.

Basically his point is that it's possible that the games will reference the comics, but not in a way that will require your average fan to pick up the whole IDW series. Obviously this is just hypothetical at this point, but... I mean, I said it above. Introducing new characters as if they already belong to Sonic's friend circle feels weird to me, I would feel as if I missed something important. And if I want to understand who Tangle is, I'd still have to read IDW to get the idea, and get lost in all that mess.

Sidenote, it irks me that he says stuff like "if we released games". You're not a dev.

[trainingdummyrabbit]

✨ please tell me all of your thoughts on kaigaku talk like you will never have the chance to talk about him again

oh hell yeah i can do that. o7

first as a quick baseline though, ive actually spoken about him before a. fair amount. in this post [here]! which is to say im gonna try not t make the same points i did in that one! which! is going t be a lil hard actually. so instead of focusing mostly canon-textual angle with him (or about as much of it as you Can get for him..) we'll go hypothetical, aka: the inherent tragedy of being an antagonist with like two chapters of screentime.

like yeah, hes a self-centered piece of shit that exists just to kind of be a bastard for like two characters if you Squint, and thats definitely all well and good! characters can just be Awful because its Fun! but like... for a series like kny, i just cant help but wonder-- how accurate really is that? its the same series that said that Theres Only One True Demon-- The Rest Are Victims. so... really. is that all there is to him? play with me in this space a moment.

//

i do say it a lot, but i really do mean it when i consider him a tragic character. not just in regards to him and his dynamic with zenitsu, but just on the matter of... being Him. but the way that he carries himself is just. so painfully human, in a weird way. im not quite sure if i could explain it if i tried-- hes just an awful tangle of bad luck and bad decisions and even worse coping mechanisms that just makes a complete mess of who he is.

he does not have a character. which is to say, he is not a person. not narratively, at least. he's reactions to things around him, reactions to people around him-- everything about him is just completely detached from... Him. (walking tragedy, becoming a Role.) and, sure, a lot of it is that we just dont get the chance to see him due to the tight timing of those latter arcs, but it really does make you wonder... was he ever a person? did he ever get the chance? did he ever Live?

has he ever once really, truly smiled?

and. well. that's a complicated question, because the answer is. Maybe?

surprise! we have exactly One panel of him smiling as a kid! from one of the panels in gyomei's flashback. (hysterically, he only seems to have one bead on his necklace here, implying he got more somewhere, somehow, somewhen.) the question is just how genuine is this? how accurate? we just don't know. the mortifying ordeal of looking for character beats in. [ruffles pages around.] One panel of him smiling in the corner. sighs.

all that to say!! after all that, it really does feel like he just... hasn't been living. surviving, sure, but Living? everything we ever get to know of him is just, again, in response to something in an attempt to stay alive. and yeah, thats a good enough reason to live as any, but it really makes you wonder... what's he living for? what's he aiming for?

climbing the ranks to gain respect-- human and demon alike. but what then? is his reach for greater heights also just a response to protect himself? (nobody can take advantage of you if you take advantage of them first.) is this really what he wants? does he even know?

did he ever do anything other than try to get stronger? what is he like? does he have any hobbies? favorite places to be? friends? (ha.) who is he? has he ever once truly smiled? who is he?

maybe its that casting off of any of that that really marked his narrative descent into being a Demon.

and like. all that really does make me wonder: could it have been different? was this all inevitable from the start? was it just a series of bad decisions that lead to this? was he really as alone as he thought he was-- as alone as he tried to tell himself he was? did anyone notice? could anyone have noticed? a lot of people sure didn't-- in and out of canon.

he's a horrible person. there's really no way to think twice about it. the question is, could he have changed? (theres something to be said about him and inevitability.)

which isnt to say "maybe if someone was nice to him he would be nice back <:)"

it's to say "someone needs to shove him down several flights of stairs repeatedly until he gets the fucking hint."

the problem is that he's utterly incapable of taking accountability for his actions-- and responds to that by pinning the blame on others and completely alienating himself further in the process. he just refuses to acknowledge others as People-- they're either below him and not worth his time, or a threat he needs to one-up in any way possible. (Everything is some sort of conflict. he's always been alone, in his mind.)

what happens if something forces him to acknowledge others as People? breaks that view of the way things should be that he clings onto? that the people he's seen as "worthless" never really were? that those "threats" were often people just trying their best to make it-- and often trying to help Others make it as well? or in other cases... that they were often fearful people taking it out on others as an excuse to feel in control?

what happens if he understands what he's missing-- and where he's going?

would he be able to recognize that in himself? would he have it in him to overcome everything he is to turn away from the familiarity of how he thought the world worked and look to the unknown? does he think he deserves it? does he care? and crucially...

he's always been someone who had nothing to lose. what happens if, suddenly, he does?

[thankskenpenders]

IDW Sonic: Imposter Syndrome and #50

It’s finally here! IDW Sonic #50! I waited to talk about the Imposter Syndrome miniseries until after #50 dropped, and it turns out #50 has, uh... well, it’s made a big splash. I’m not sure I’ve seen this many people talking about (and/or arguing over) a single issue of Sonic in a long time.

As expected, in this post I’ll be talking about Surge, Kit, and Starline, but #50 has also given us a ton to chew on regarding Sonic and Eggman, Belle, and the overarching themes of the entire IDW series.

Let’s start out with the miniseries!

IMPOSTER SYNDROME

Surge rules

Can I just say that up front? That’s my main takeaway. Surge fucking rules

She was popular from the very second the first images of her dropped because Evan and Mauro came up with an extremely sick design, and the actual story does not disappoint. She borrows liberally from delinquent rival anime tropes (except, you know, she’s a girl, so it’s instantly even better), but that’s such a natural and fun addition to the Sonic cast that she instantly grabs you

And boy, if the writing and the strength of the design weren’t already enough, Thomas Rothlisberger’s art throughout the arc sure does. I’ve seen a lot of comparisons to Rise of the TMNT, which I can see. But Surge just makes so many good faces, constantly, and everything she does is cool. She’s angry teenage rebellion personified and she’s instantly become one of my favorite characters in the entire franchise, period. (Tangle and Whisper are also up there, so it’s safe to say the IDW comics have an extremely good track record when it comes to comic-original characters.)

Like seriously just look at her faces and tell me she isn’t the best

Kit, AKA “Aw Little Guy!!! Oh He's A Little Bit Fucked Up Actually”

There were always hints that Kit had a sinister side to him - he is a villain, after all - but Surge stole the show at the start of the miniseries. This left Kit mostly as her meager sidekick struggling to please both her and Starline. In this way, he’s a dark reflection of Tails. Where Tails has become more independent over time, becoming more of an equal to Sonic, Kit exists entirely to support Surge. Starline made him this way, because this is how Starline perceives Sonic and Tails’ relationship. Starline doesn’t really understand people despite thinking he does, and this is what ultimately damns all of them

Naturally, this has left Kit kind of fucked up. Over the course of the arc, it becomes clear that he’s probably the scarier of the two. Surge might be stronger, but like Sonic, she wears her emotions and her intentions on her sleeve. But Kit? Kit suppresses his violent urges, until they build to a point where he can’t anymore

(these panels from #50 but still)

Holy shit, Starline???

I touched on Starline’s very meta plan earlier. I would have honestly been happy if Ian and co. had just added these cool new rivals for Sonic and Tails and let them duke it out, because they are, in fact, cool as hell. But the actual plot of the arc is more intriguing than that

Starline has always been a very meta character, with his main trait as a character basically being that he can zoom out and notice patterns in the franchise that other characters either can’t or won’t. He’s the guy who watches a movie and says how he would make smarter decisions than the characters the whole time. Early on, he did this with Eggman. He tried to “fix” Eggman’s methods so that he could finally succeed in beating Sonic and taking over the world, but this didn’t work out, and Eggman kicked him to the curb. He then decided that he would simply go solo and take over the world for Eggman. He finally reveals his true plan for doing so here: create his own “heroes” who can replace Sonic and Tails, the main heroes who always stand in the way of “progress” (Eggman taking over the world). In theory, this will allow Starline to control the hero/villain dynamic from both sides, ending the cycle of Eggman trying to “change the world” and Sonic stopping him

And of course, Starline calls this cycle he intends to break...

“The Sonic Cycle.”

I love you Ian

It quickly becomes apparently, though, that Starline’s plan here is, uh. Extremely fucked up! Wow! Early on it’s revealed that Starline has repeatedly been “rebooting” Surge and Kit. Any time the cracks start to show in their conditioning and they question their life stories, Starline’s orders, or their innate desires to defeat Sonic and Tails, Starline edits their memories. They do start to put two and two together, though, and eventually they learn the truth: they’re just two random kids Starline kidnapped and experimented on. They don’t remember their actual pasts, and Starline didn’t bother to keep track of who they originally were because he doesn’t care. They’ve been modified with cyborg endoskeletons and even have some of the Metal Virus in them, making them nigh-unkillable. Which Starline tested by... well, killing them repeatedly to make sure they always bounced back.

This is... so much darker than I would have ever expected? But in a fantastic way. It makes Starline SO absolutely despicable, and it gives Surge and Kit this pathos that makes you want to root for them, even as they set out to go rogue and burn the whole world down. Surge is very much set up as her own antihero in the buildup to her showdown with Sonic, which is a choice that I think leads to some fascinating character juxtaposition when it finally happens in issue #50.

Really, my only complaint about the miniseries was that the marketing made it seem like Sonic and Tails would be dealing with these two sooner, when in reality this is all the setup. The extremely hype wrestling promos for the climactic Wrestlemania that is Sonic #50. (My other complaint, I suppose, is that IDW is still having multiple artists trade off in a single story, which can be a bit jarring. But that’s a publisher-wide issue.)

But MAN. When we finally do get that big showdown? It does not disappoint.

SONIC #50

As with Imposter Syndrome, I went in expecting Sonic and Tails to fight Surge and Kit. And we absolutely got that with this extra-long issue penciled by Adam Bryce Thomas. Adam’s always been an A-lister on the IDW series, especially when it comes to bombastic shounen manga-inspired battles, but this issue might just be his best Sonic work yet

But like I said at the start, the issue is more than just some cool fights.

Sonic vs. Surge

Surge’s entire life, or at least what little of her life she can remember thanks to Starline, has been building up to this moment. Whoever she was before is gone, replaced with one purpose. She’s been impatiently awaiting the day she's finally allowed to fight Sonic to the death. We’ve followed her through Starline’s inhumane training, the audience being equally antsy after months of buildup. At long last, she confronts him. She delivers an impassioned speech about what she stands for, how she curses the world that discarded her, how she’s going to tear Sonic and anyone else who stands in her way a new one...

And Sonic... doesn’t really give that much of a shit.

They do fight, of course. Boy, do they ever. But Sonic has never met this girl before and has no animosity towards her. He’s also done this too many times and would like to skip to the part where they’re friends, or at least frenemies. And this is just... tragic for Surge. For her, this is the most important day in her life. But for Sonic, it’s Tuesday. For Surge, this is a duel to the death. But Sonic, ever the unflappably positive shounen protagonist, is just having fun fighting someone who keeps him on his toes. He refuses to validate her on her terms.

(There are also a lot of interesting parallels with Tails’ simultaneous fight with Kit, where the kindhearted Tails is trying to be extremely nice and defuse the situation when he realizes that Kit is just some poor, fucked up kid. But instead of going on my own tangent I’ll link this very good TikTok analyzing Sonic’s social skills and the interesting ways his blunt, brash attitude can clash with the fact that he does genuinely care a lot.)

I even feel like Adam’s art is playing up the idea that Sonic’s attitude continues to make him the villain for Surge. His speech about his ideals places him above Surge, with a smug expression on his face and sunbeams shining down over him. Adam’s own (extremely sick) variant cover is framed very similarly, showing us the smug and above-it-all Sonic from Surge’s perspective.

Why does Surge think Sonic is so holier-than-thou? And why does she still care about fighting him if she just wants to defy Starline’s brainwashing? Well, she directly calls out his belief in the power of second chances, blaming Sonic for her very existence. Which ties back into what’s become one of the main recurring themes of the IDW series.

Sonic’s Characterization

As Ian’s explained, Sonic’s characterization in the IDW series has been informed by a number of factors. For one, more compassionate heroes are just landing better with audiences these days, including in shounen manga. Your Dekus, your Tanjiros, etc. But beyond that, Sega explicitly forbids Sonic and friends from proactively seeking out Eggman. Sonic is never looking for a fight. Eggman simply causes trouble, Sonic shows up to stop him, and he returns to being a free-spirited roamer.

Really, Sonic’s attitude in the current comics isn’t much different from how he acts in the games. Ian just decided to draw more attention to this behavior, and turn it into an explicit character trait that impacts the story.

I don’t really know what games people have been playing where Sonic DOESN’T act like this? Sure, there are a few games where a villain dies. There are always going to be counterexamples in a series as inconsistent as this. But look at how many characters Sonic has given second chances, and how lightly Sonic often takes threats to the world. Shadow was trying to blow up the damn planet and Sonic was still just having fun racing him on the ARK. Chaos destroyed a whole major metropolitan city and Sonic is like “hold on, Chaos is just hurt, we need to break this cycle of violence.” He’s ended up working with Eggman plenty of times to stop a greater threat. Even when this doesn’t happen, Eggman tends to just fly away at the end. Sonic never hunts him down. Again, Sega forbids him from doing this. It’s not in his character. The IDW comics just explore why.

At the same time, bad faith criticisms of Sonic’s willingness to give villains second chances tend to ignore the very important second part of this mantra, which this issue has Sonic spell out explicitly. Yes, he believes in giving people personal freedom. But the second they use that freedom to hurt people, Sonic is going to beat their asses again. He doesn’t have qualms about using violence in that way. He is, by no definition of the word, a pacifist. Sonic understands that Surge is traumatized, and tries to give her the chance to back down. She refuses, so he kicks her ass, because she’s a threat. Sonic sort of took mercy on the Zeti, in that he didn’t fucking execute them or whatever... but they also got banished back to the Lost Hex where they can’t hurt anyone. Tails disarmed Metal Sonic before they let him go. Sonic let Eggman go only because he had amnesia and Mr. Tinker was, by all accounts, a literal different person. The second he came back? Sonic gladly went right back to blowing his shit up. He is not out here handwringing about Eggman Empire property damage, he’s destroying his bases and smashing his mechs again.

Sonic also isn’t just any regular guy, and can’t always be judged as such. He’s a larger-than-life hero. He’s the embodiment of freedom, of endless adventure, of the power of friendship, of other idealized... well, ideals. This is the very core of his character. He’s the unshakably positive hero who never blinks in the face of danger, who the other, more realistically fallible characters can lean on. He’s a force of nature. He’s not perfect, and he doesn’t always handle things the right way, and other characters will bring up valid counterpoints to his way of life. Like other shounen heroes like Goku or Luffy, he might be a hero due to his actions, but he’s not concerned about being the world’s savior or its god. He doesn’t want to dictate how people live their lives. He leaves decisions about how to run society to other, smarter people, like the Restoration. He just wants to be free to go on adventures and to help his friends when they’re in need. His theme song spells out his whole deal, clear as day: It doesn’t matter who’s wrong and who’s right. He’s just living by his own feelings, and he won’t give in, won’t compromise. He only has a steadfast heart of gold.

Surge can’t stand this, though. The two just can’t see eye to eye. And so she zaps Sonic when he takes a time out in their fight to help her out of a chasm, getting the last laugh and seemingly falling to her doom. “That’s the real problem with giving people a choice,” Sonic solemnly says. “You can’t stop them from making the wrong ones.”

The Bigger Problem

Beyond any fandom bickering over how Sonic should or shouldn’t be characterized, though, this is part of a larger problem that I’ve seen way too frequently in recent years. Adults are engaging with genre fiction for children, and then getting upset when the child protagonists fail to model what they perceive as proper behavior for adults. Particularly, adults are seeing child protagonists learn to solve conflicts nonviolently, or even merely refusing to kill a villain, and interpreting this media as a political playbook for adults telling them that punching Nazis is bad.

That’s not to say that children’s media is never political, of course, or that you can never judge it through a political lens. (Back in the Archie days the direct political allegories were NOT subtle.) But just because some cartoon villains are obvious stand-ins for fascists doesn’t mean that every cartoon with a world-conquering villain is trying to tell you, an adult, how you should deal with fascists, or murderers, or whatever bad faith comparison critics on YouTube and Twitter want to make this time.

This will hopefully be insultingly obvious to most people reading this, but fiction isn’t always literally about the thing it’s depicting, or the closest real world equivalent. In genre fiction, and especially genre fiction for kids, reality is heightened. A fight for the fate of the city or the world or the universe isn’t necessarily about world-scale threats in real life like fascism, or even about real world violent conflicts in general. It’s often more about the emotions than what’s literally happening on screen. In a musical, when the emotions get too strong for words, they break out into song. In an action cartoon, when the emotions get too strong between conflicting characters, they fight. The fantastical violence is just the medium through which the story is conveyed. They trade blows and express their feelings.

Similarly, when the child hero in a series for children saves the day by hugging the right person, or when a villain is redeemed, or when Naruto espouses the power of friendship and uses Talk no Jutsu for the hundredth time, that isn’t telling you, a 30-year-old, that you can go out right now and save America by giving Mitch McConnell a hug. The morals of these stories aren’t necessarily supposed to apply to world-scale conflicts because children are not responsible for saving the world in real life. Instead, the lessons apply more to conflicts that children do deal with. Disputes with friends, or family members, or teachers. Things like that. It’s telling kids that hey, maybe you’ve been mean to people, maybe you’ve acted wrong, but you can learn from your mistakes and do better. That is what lessons about trying to resolve conflicts peacefully, talking about your feelings, empathizing with others, and giving people second chances are supposed to be about. They (usually) aren’t intended as political playbooks for adults telling you not to punch a Nazi, because the people telling these stories are probably hoping that adults aren’t modeling their political behavior after Cartoon Network and Shonen Jump.

But while I generally enjoy this compassionate take on the Sonic series, there is one part of the issue that felt weaker when it comes to the heroes showing compassion towards the villains.

Belle and Metal

If there’s one character from the games that I think Ian has always struggled with more than others, it’s probably Metal Sonic. Of course, not every writer is going to gel with every character, especially on a licensed series where you’re working with someone else’s cast. (Lord knows if I was to write a Sonic series I would play favorites lmao.) And Ian’s definitely put out some great Metal Sonic stories. But he’s also prone to boiling the character down to a simple killer robot for Sonic and co. to repeatedly defeat without any interiority.

Belle has also been a contentious character throughout this season. I’ll reiterate that I think Belle is great, and the big emotional beats with her have been strong. I would say the mixed response to Belle is primarily a matter of pacing, more than anything else. As Evan explained over on her blog, Belle's backstory was originally just going to be a short one-off. When the 2021 Annual was replaced with the Classic Sonic special, Belle’s story got turned into the main overarching subplot connecting the stories of the third season. I do like a lot of the storytelling this allowed for. The buildup to the reveals in the Test Run arc, and her ensuing tearful breakdown; her questioning of her very nature as a Badnik; her heroic moments in Trial by Fire where she’s finally able to prove herself. It’s good stuff! Character arcs like this are why original characters are added to the comics in the first place. But I can also see how the slow and somewhat repetitive rollout of information and emotional beats is a bit much over a year and a half of comics, and it was a little odd to have her stick around as the only consistent main character for every single arc of the season as soon as we met her. But I still enjoyed her arc this season as a whole.

No, where I start to be more mixed on the direction of Belle as a character is this issue. Previously, Belle had made it her mission to try and save as many Badniks as she could. I understand her motivation, and I do think this has potential to be a fun premise. Badniks are EXTREMELY underutilized in the tie-in fiction, and anyone in this corner of the fandom who’s following artists like Hydro knows how fun it is to have Badnik characters around.

But the problem is, of course... if we start to recognize the Badniks that Sonic destroys casually as people, doesn’t that make it wrong for him to destroy them?

I guess it depends on the context, and how it’s executed in the future. Like, Motobud was fine because that’s not just A Motobug, but one that was specifically reprogrammed by Mr. Tinker to be friendly. But what’s Belle’s endgame here? Where is the line drawn between robots that need to be saved and simple obstacles for Sonic to pop in action sequences?

To me, we start to see the cracks in issue #50 with Belle’s attempts to save Metal Sonic. Metal is certainly no stranger to redemption arcs and characters trying to see the good in him - the OVA basically defined him as a character. But still. It’s admirable for Belle to see a robot who’s hurt and want to help, but the sympathy shown for Metal is laying it on a bit thick for me given Ian’s usual characterization of him as a missile with legs. Sonic already let him go once early in the series, but that was specifically because he thought Eggman was gonna remain Mr. Tinker forever at the time, and he and Tails also made sure not to restore his full fighting abilities. (”We’re compassionate, not stupid.”) But in this very different context, with a very different character, it’s just... eh, it didn’t sell me on this as a wise use of Belle’s compassion. If she wants to help the “abandoned” Eggman bots, Metal is very much not one of those. He just happened to have been hurt by Surge when they found him.

Not the end of the world, but it’s the weak part of what’s otherwise an amazing issue, and I worry that Belle showing complete and total sympathy towards every Eggman robot may get old fast. But, like I said, it will depend entirely on the execution. Maybe she’ll only single out the oddballs like herself and Motobud. It may not even be a huge element of the story moving forward, since I know Evan’s outright said Belle would be taking more of a backseat now that her initial arc is completed. (It also seems like Eggman wants to take advantage of the fact that she interfaced with Metal, so her kindness here may backfire...)

If anything, though, I do like the little awkward family reunion where Belle is telling Eggman that she’s done hoping he’ll go back to being Mr. Tinker and is gonna go live her own life and Metal is just kind of standing there because he won’t attack another Eggman creation.

Anyway! I can’t believe I haven’t mentioned the giant robot fight

Starline’s Final Comeuppance

Sonic’s ideals, as explained in his fight with Surge, are also directly contrasted with Starline as he fights Eggman. Sonic stands for personal freedom, for better or worse, but Starline stands for total control, even more so than Eggman. He tries to manipulate people and the very story he exists in to steer everyone in the totalitarian direction he thinks is best. Anything outside of his narrative doesn’t matter. Even as Eggman is fighting him in a giant mech, he’s still under the impression that his actions are justified, that Eggman will be okay with being a pawn in his scheme so long as they get their happy ending ruling the world.

Instead, he loses a sick-ass mech fight, he’s humiliated worse than ever before, and then he dies!

I actually didn’t read it as a death at first because being crushed by rubble is such an easy “death” to write around, and it’s, you know, a comic book. Nobody stays dead in comic books. (We already know Surge survives this issue, regardless of how it looked.) But Ian did, indeed, intend for this to be Starline’s death. He also admits that that’s not entirely up to him since he’s not the only person making story decisions, so I won’t be surprised if he comes back in a year or two. Regardless, as much as I like the character, this is probably the most fitting death Starline possibly could have had. He thought he could outsmart Eggman, and the very nature of the series he’s in. Some readers, too, have accused Ian of writing Eggman as too much of a bumbling oaf in the IDW comics, especially with Starline always pointing out his mistakes. Even the marketing for this arc seems to have played into this, asking if Eggman would “bumble his way to a victory”

All this for the ultimate slam dunk in this issue where Ian definitively reminds us that, even if he can never beat Sonic... no one else can definitively beat Eggman, either.

Because Eggman fucking rules

I said at the top that Starline is damned because he doesn’t understand people as well as he thinks he does. He creates Surge and Kit as dark and deeply broken reflections of Sonic and Tails because he so fundamentally misunderstands how their dynamic works. He thinks he understands Eggman, too, but he doesn’t. He may consider himself Eggman’s #1 fan, but he’s a toxic fanboy with faulty criticisms. He’s CinemaSins. He focuses on the details and the logic, he nitpicks, and he thinks he could do everything better if given the opportunity. He thinks he understands the nature of the series he’s in, but he fails to see the big pictures, the heart. He doesn’t understand why Sonic is really the hero beyond his strength and bravado. He doesn’t understand why Tails is a hero beyond his ability to support Sonic. And he doesn’t understand why, despite his many mistakes, Eggman will always endure as the true big bad of this world. And this leads to his downfall at the hands of his idol

I could say more about this issue and the ones that lead to it! I have obviously already said way too much. I’m gonna cut it off here!

Even with all the hype to live up to, this was an extremely satisfying issue of Sonic. One of the best in a long, long time. This one’s gonna stick with people. I have my quibbles, but it really has it all. Action, humor, drama, heart, stunning artwork, and a whole lot of character work to think about. Can’t really ask for more, can I?

[eldritchdraaks]

Furry Visual Novel Hell

Quick context for this post, it is written by my boyfriend who has been through furry visual novel hell over the past few days. He has not been on tumblr in years, and has shitposts running through his brain daily. I’m posting this for him because his thoughts need to be made public. I love this freak.

SPOILERS FOR: Echo, Route 65, Arches, The Smoke Room, and The Burrows.

His mad ramblings begin now!

I have no idea why im typing this but I just cant let all this bounce around my head with my classes starting up in a day.

SO, after a few rather poor lifestyle choices I stayed up watching videos of furry visual novels. This little rabbit hole led me down to a familiar visual novel by the name of Echo. I’ve heard of it through a video talking about the film everything everywhere all at once. The only other form of context I had with Echo was that its creator went to make the very well proclaimed visual novel by the name of Adastra. For anyone wondering, the one of the main characters of Adastra (A black wolf named Amicus) is part of the “You have never felt the warmth of a man” starter pack as seen below

(Sidenote: I am so fucking mad literally two of the characters there are from the Echo series. These motherfuckers are everywhere)

So after that, Echo was stored somewhere in my subconscious or something. Honestly the exact sequence of events escapes me but I do know that I was watching one of Samwiz1’s videos of him dicking around as engineers,I was just going down another twitter rabbit hole. In the video, the first game he joined had a group of 5 medic bots 3 of em with names of characters from The Smoke Room, A sort of prequel to Echo. As for the twitter rabbit hole, I think hoyoverse (the company that made genshin impact) released a new game going by Zenless Zone Zero. One of the characters you could play was a big bear bastard named Ben which Eld and I immediately latched onto. A few days later, I saw that someone modded Ben into a fighting game called Guilty Gear Strive as seen below

AND GUESS WHO HE WAS FIGHTING???

That twinky lookin stoat swinging his little scythes in the gayest way you could caught my attention. Then literally a few tweets below I find this

And there he is, in the replies I found the twink in question was named CLIFFORD GOT DAMN TIBBITS???? How can you find a cuter name than Tibbits?? Not only did it reveal his name but also the visual novel he comes from called The Smoke Room. (Also the coyote in the suspenders is in the You have never felt the warmth of a man” starter pack is from The Smoke Room).

So in a misguided attempt to find it, I confused it with another visual novel that I found out was called The burrows. The Burrows was one I found myself enjoying other than the tangled fucking mess that is Echo.

So im actually going to talk about echo first.

Echo is a story about an otter named Chase who returns back to his hometown, Echo, to work on a college project on the town in 2015. Echo is a dying mining town that screams southwestern gothic with a mysterious past. Chase joins his childhood friends a native American fennec fox named Jenna, his ex boyfriend a wolf from El Salvador, a timid lynx named TJ, a blunt gila lizard named Flynn, and a ram named Carl who smokes weed to cope with his demons.

The thing that ties them together was the death of their friend Sydney. In the story a lot of paranormal shit happens regarding the town of echo, possession by ancestors, straight up cursed cryptids, murder, all on top of drama and slight hints of romance. This is a bit too much for my brain to process whatever the hell is going on. The story is a mess and I don’t think I will ever be able to process it in it’s entirety. The only characters I really like are Jenna, Carl, and TJ. God poor TJ… OK SO I WENT THROUGH ALL THE ROUTES AND JESUS FUCK I don’t think that my insanity will end anytime soon but Flynn’s route really fucked me up. Its so fucked, all you do is go around in circles AND I STILL NEVER GOT MY AWNSER IN HOW THE SMOKE ROOM LINKS INTO THIS LIKE WHY IS SAMUEL POSSESSING CHASE AND EVENTUALLY FLYNN???

WAS IT TO CONTINUE THE CYCLE OF VIOLENCE AND SECRETS THAT ECHO LIVES ON??? god its so fucked, and Flynn actually becomes the monster Jenna talks about and TJ saw the day Sydney drowned in his endless pursuit of the truth of what happened as he wanders into the mines and turns into the plug-faced monster (prolly a wendigo) Jenna mentioned. So many questions… God its so fucked Speaking of The Smoke Room…

The Smoke Room is set 100 years before Echo and focuses on the ancestors of the main cast as well as the locals of Echo in 1915. Following an Albino Mountain Lion sex worker by the name of Samuel who was trying to leave Echo, but was ambushed by the guy who was helping him and out of self defense killed him in the mine. This murder sets the town ablaze with problems as Samuel and his associates encounter something is unleashed and latches onto a guilty party.

At this point, I just looked at Clifford’s route because he is admittedly adorable but kinda stopped there.

Then while browsing other Visual Novels I found this fucking affront to god only to find out its in The Smoke Room

And holy fuck I thought it was bad on my phone but it is so much worse on my computer. Something in the mines where I think Sam, one of his closest clients a badger that goes by Nikolai and a tiger named Yao are trying to escape the deeper part of the mines or something. What’s even worse is that it looks to be made from body parts of the main cast which is so fucked up in so many ways.

Then we have Arches and Route 65. Arches follows a bear and a coyote named Devon and Cameron in the town of Echo after its been abandoned in 2015. All I know is that the Coyote gets rufied and ends up dead in the mines. Route 65 is an actual prequel looking at the main cast of Echo at a Halloween party in 2008. Don’t remember what happens in this one other than character setup. ANYWAY, echo aside now I can talk about The Burrows.

This one I know from an artist that I like going by Captain Nikko. The Burrows follows Grey, a possum living in New Orleans in 1928. On his way to commit suicide, he stops into a bar run by a round rabbit named Virgil. He makes a deal with Virgil and he gives Grey a card and after a trippy sequence of infinitely falling, he finds himself in front of his old house in a field of yellow flowers. He meets 4 other souls, Mark a Maned Fox who works in a museum in New York, Gabriel a shark training for his school’s swim relay race, Ken a panther who is a cyclist, and Yasahiro a Japanese fennec fox that is an engineer.

When they suddenly disappear with Grey crying, the card Virgil gave Grey begins to glow and 4 other cards appear. Each of them have unique designs for each character, Though only Ken Gabriel and Mark are available at the moment. Each card Zaps Grey into the future with the order being Ken (1958), Mark (1965), and Gabriel (1987). You then find out that the reason that they are linked together is suicide. Grey then becomes determined to protect the character you chose. At this point, you go through the route, make important choices that affect the outcome of the route (only in mark’s route though as of late) and grow close to who you chose. I eventually broke down and downloaded The Burrows and played through the new content of Gabriel’s route and got damn i am unashamedly attached to this man. Like, he reminds me of myself of one point body image issues, feeling useless, jovial bastard. Mark has some pretty weird vibes that he gives off, lot of questions for him that will be answered hopefully soon. Ken is just really damn mean and beats the hell outta some kid that was messing his bike up. Hiro doesn’t have a route out yet so we know next to nothing about him other than he’s working with a german engineering company and he is thinking of committing suicide.

I would totally recommend The Burrows and not for you to binge the entire Echo project saga at 4 in the damn morning.

[the-witty-pen-name]

The Nanny Pt. 3

Lee Bodecker x Nanny!F!Reader

18+

Word Count: 3.3k

Warnings: alcohol/drinking, food, corrupt cop, mentions of prostitution/smut, implied age gap (reader is in her 20s), cursing, mentions of serial killers/murder, mutual pining, 

Summary:

Based on this Request: The reader moves to Meade/Knockemstiff while answering an advertisement for a nanny in the paper. We learn that the ad was posted by Sandy, who has the reader watch her child whenever she and Carl leave to do their secret thing. After one of these trips, Sandy and her husband never return, so the reader is left caring for their baby. With the new investigation into these events, she meets Sandy’s brother Lee, the older, out of shape, alcoholic bachelor, and they are suddenly thrown into each others lives as he begins looking into his sister’s disappearance. Through it all, Lee starts to fall for her, and they slowly become a family.

A/N: I got inspired re-watching one of my favorite shows and I want to know if anyone else gets the reference I’m using! If I missed anything I should include as a warning that I missed please let me know! This is also unedited!

Taglist Form is in my bio!

Series Masterlist

Your shoulders tensed listening to the radio in the morning. Sitting on your ottoman, you were painting your nails, using the coffee table as your nail station. It was a really bright morning, and you had the curtains pulled open to draw in light. Julie frantically rushed between her room and the bathroom getting ready for her shift at the diner. The newest single from The Beach Boys was playing through the little counter top radio, but at the top of the hour, the melodies playing through the speaker changed to the news. The top story of the morning was chilling.

“Jules,” you said, calling her over hesitantly, putting the cap back on the bottle of polish. “Come listen to this.”

She scurried out of her room while working to tie her apron in the back, and then she stood next to where you sat to listen to the story on the news. The color drained from her face as you both listened to the reporter describe the horrific scene that was under investigation early this morning.

Roy Laferty was an evangelical preacher whose body washed up by the lake very early that same morning. The news report talked about the police investigation, and also disclosed his wife Helen, is also reported missing. They are looking into the disappearance of Helen, as well as opening a full investigation on Laferty’s murder. They also urge individuals with any information regarding the two to call the Sheriff’s department and to provide a statement.

“That’s horrifying,” you mumble, shocked as you try to process the news. Julie nods in agreement but strangely doesn’t seem nearly as affected by the news as you.

“It’s happening again,” she mutters, obviously concerned but her lack of surprise worries you.

“What do you mean again?” you ask.

“There was a string of unexplained murders, all men, like this newest one,” Julie explained, “This was all over the news like two years ago- can’t believe you hadn’t heard about it.” All you could do was shrug; this was all new to you. “Obviously, there was nothing linking their deaths, but there were these five killings a couple of years ago that are still unsolved. There’s no evidence, but the town rumors it was like a serial killer or something. Nothing is confirmed, of course, just a story.”

“What makes people think it was all the same person?” you ask, hesitantly.

“All the people were always the same type,” she shrugs, “Men all in their 20s and 30s. Again, there’s nothing linking them all together. It’s just talk.”

You clicked off the radio, and didn’t know what to do with yourself. Julie patted your shoulder, comfortingly but she had to go on with her day. So did you, and you almost her ability to move about the apartment almost unfazed by the news. You suppose it makes sense, her growing up here she’s probably used to it. You didn’t have the experience or the thick skin she had.

You had decided to go to the library, still preoccupied by the news segment as well as the things Julie had told you about the Sheriff. You spent the better half of the morning looking at the library’s archives of old newspapers. You wanted to read more about the unsolved cases Julie had told you about, so there you sat for several hours looking through the microfilm reader. You even stumbled upon articles that featured the Sheriff.

There he was plain as day on the front page when it was announced he had won the election the first time he ran several years back. You couldn’t help but notice the changes in his appearance and demeanor compared to the man you keep running into. He was a little slimmer, and he looked a lot happier, a little fuller of life, you decided was a good way to explain it. His smile was wider, and you could see the difference in his eyes as well. It was seeing how he was before the stress of the job began to take its heavy toll. He had on the same leather jacket as well, you were fairly certain, even though the one in the photograph hung a little looser.

You continued to skim through articles, piecing your way through the history of Knockemstiff. Little articles in black and white that persevered the history of this dark little town. You were beginning to realize this backwater town was a lot more tangled and complex than you originally believed. It was a tangled history, riddled with crime and unclosed cases, that people seem to have either forgotten or choose to ignore for their own sake. Your mind wandered back to the things Julie had told you about the Sheriff and him being corrupt. You wonder how much of what you read about linked back to him. Though you imagine if he has any sort of political connection, which a man like him must have, the things he was involved in probably didn’t even make it into the paper. The thought made you physically shiver.

You put the large leather portfolios of archives you took and put them back into their proper place on the self chronologically. You grabbed your sweater from the back of your chair, and pushed the chair back into place. Looking up at the clock on the wall, it was only just one in the afternoon. You decided to head down to the diner and grab a bite, and also visit Julie during her second shift. It was a short walk from the library to the diner. Everywhere felt like a short walk here, probably because everything in downtown was not much bigger than a few blocks. The majority of people lived far from the center of town, on their own land and farms.

The little bell on the door rang when you stepped in and Julie waved at you from behind the counter and pointed for you to grab an empty table in her section. You put your bag on the table and took a seat. It was a fairly busy time, most people who worked at the surrounding businesses coming in for their lunch break. Julie brought you over a coffee and then said she’d be back to chat when she got to take her five.

Lee hadn’t been able to go home since the phone call. The symptoms of his hangover were worsening and he was growing more irritable. His five o’clock shadow was still evident on his tired face and his head was pounding. He tried his best to just power through it but the sound of anyone trying to talk to him just made his ears ring.

After leaving the scene, he had to stop by his office and then he was on the phone for the better part of an hour fielding calls from frantic citizens not only of Knockemstiff but also Meade, where Laferty was from. Despite how horribly he felt, he tried his best to keep his temper level and just reassure people he had things under control. He was losing his patience.

He opened up his desk drawer and grabbed his bottle of asprin. Empty. He threw it into the small waste bin and got up abruptly grabbing his jacket off the hook and storming out. He didn’t tell anyone he was leaving and he didn’t care. It was a short walk to the drugstore from the station and he wouldn’t be five minutes. He just needed to do something to stop his head from hurting.

“Afternoon, Sheriff,” the pharmacist greeted when he walked in. He nodded his head upwards briefly to reply without having to talk. He just needed to get in and out. She went back to whatever she was working on when he came in, and he browsed the aisles for what he needed. After paying and walking out, he glanced in the direction of the diner when he was crossing the street. There you were, again. Sitting alone and chatting with the waitress that was refilling your coffee.

He let out a heavy sigh, and then continued walking. He didn’t want you to see him like this, hungover, unshaved, wrinkled uniform and heavy undereye bags from his lack of sleep. You looked- well, Lee thought you were the prettiest thing he’s seen in a while, maybe ever. There was something about you he couldn’t pinpoint. Maybe it was just because you weren’t from here. You were a fresh face, and not ruined by this town. There was a sweetness and an innocence in how you talked to him, because you didn’t know him like the rest of people here did. He liked that.

Even when he left the station for the day, he couldn’t even go home yet. He had a meeting at the bar with one of Brown’s lackeys. He was just supposed to collect his cut so he couldn’t imagine it would take long, but he was still annoyed. Stepping into the bar he looked around as he took off his hat. It was a little more crowded tonight then when he was here last. The red curtain was closed and his eyes lingered there for a moment before directing his attention to the man he recognized who was waving him over.

“Sheriff,” the man greets and Lee slides into the booth across from him.

“Hayward,” he replies. Without even needing to order, the bartender comes over bringing them a bottle of scotch and two glasses.

“You ever go back there?” Hayward asks, watching as a girl came out and brought a man behind the curtain who had been waiting at the bar.

“No,” Lee scoffs.

“They are amazing,” Hayward says, almost giddy. Lee feels sympathy towards the poor woman who had to take care of him. Lee doesn’t acknowledge the statement and just empties his glass and begins to pour himself a second.

“So, my cut?” Lee asks. Hayward frowns and goes into the breast pocket of his sports coat and pulls out an envelope of cash.

“You aren’t getting full,” the man says when Lee cocks a brow at the thinness of the envelope.

“Still?” Lee asks, pissed. Hayward nods. Lee’s jaw clenches.

“You didn’t keep things tidy on your end,” Hayward reminds him, “You got one job. Keep the cops out of our territory. We had two cruisers drive through last week. The only reason you’re getting anything at all is cause you managed to keep your people off us when we did the exchange with Deckard’s crew.”

The man finishes his drink, and then slaps the empty glass on the table. He pulls out his own envelope, which is much thicker than Lee’s and drops down more than enough for the drinks. He chuckles condescendingly and tells the Sheriff to get a dance. Fuck that. Lee takes the extra money and plans to just put it right in his pocket and go home. He finishes his third scotch and suddenly his headache was back. He felt worse than he did earlier today.

“What can I do for you, Sheriff?” a feminine voice asks, making him break his line of thought. He looks to his side and he recognizes her as one of the girls he sees bringing men to the back room, behind the velvet curtain. He shakes his head, and instead of leaving him alone, she slides into the booth next to him. Her hand grazes over his thigh. “You seem awful tense, Sheriff,” she says and then bites her lip.

He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t tempted. He knows she doesn’t actually want him, and it’s just an attempt to get him to spend money in the backroom. If he doesn’t focus his already hazing vision, maybe she could vaguely remind him of you. He can’t do it, but he wants to. Her hand moves up his leg and he pulls away. He adjusts his pants and she shrugs.

“Maybe next time then,” she winks before walking away. He rests his head back on the vinyl seat and sighs. He grabs his hat and jacket, leaving before he changes his mind. “Ask for Cherry when you come in, yeah?” she calls when he walks out.

You are just everywhere. You’re in his head and he doesn’t even know you. He needs to sleep, desperately, and part of him in the back of his mind hopes you’ll be there. When he wakes up, he doesn’t remember.

“Have you heard about the Church fundraiser coming up?” Julie asks. You shake your head. “It’s a pretty big deal here. Everyone participates.”

“What is it?” you ask, kicking off your slippers so you can sit crisscross on the couch.

“Bid-On-A-Basket,” she says casually, like it’s the most obvious thing.

“Never heard of it,” you reply, “It sounds fun. What is it?”

“All us single gals put together a picnic basket with everything for a lunch,” she explains, “and then all the eligible bachelors bid on the basket and a date with the girl who made it. Last year, the dreamiest guy, Bill Whittier, bought mine- it’s so fun. Me and Bill didn’t work out but it was a good time.”

“I don’t know anyone here,” you say hesitantly.

“Perfect way to get a date then,” she teases. You bite your lip. You aren’t sure about this.

“And what if some creep is the highest bidder?” you counter.

“You get a bad date story for your next date?” she poses. “Please,” she begs, “It’s for a good cause, all the money this year is going to help the Sunday school.”

“What if no one bids on it?” You rebut.

“Look at yourself,” she scoffs, “you’ll get bids. Trust me.” You roll your eyes.

“I’ll think about it,” you say finally. She smirks, completely planning to wear you down.

“Remember it’s for the kids,” she reasons, “It wouldn’t hurt to go and participate.”

“I said I’ll think about it,” you laugh.

Time passes and soon enough you get another call from Sandy, and you are suddenly back to taking care of Valerie. You had missed her, a lot actually. You definitely have gotten attached to her, and you think you’ve grown on her too. Sandy was vague this time for how long they’d be gone, but since the previous time went so smoothly, you didn’t worry about it.

About a week after Sandy and Carl left this time, there was another disturbing news report. You were sitting on the floor, changing Valerie and you had the television playing softly in the background. The news told the story of another body, this time found in the woods off of the highway. You finish changing the baby and hold her close, her little chin resting on your shoulder as you watch the news story. It was just like Julie had talked about. Another man, thirty years old. He was shot and his body abandoned. You jump at the knock at the front door.

You peep through the curtains, and you see the Sheriff waiting on the front porch. You wonder if he knows you’re there. Part of you almost wishes he knows it you here and he wanted to see you. It’s incredibly stupid on your part and you know better, but nonetheless, part of you hoped he came here for you. Very stupid. With Valerie on your hip, you open the door.

“I’m sorry, darling,” he says walking into the house. He stops in front of you and presses a kiss to Valerie’s forehead and she squeals happily seeing Lee. You close the door with your foot. “May I?” he asks, and opens his arms. You agree, based on Valerie’s reactions to him whenever she sees him. He takes her in his arms, and she starts playing with his tie. He loosens it so she can play with it and not choke him.

“What can I do for you, Sheriff?” you ask. He reacts in a way in a way you can’t really read, but you don’t press.

His mind just goes back to the woman a couple weeks back in the brothel who asked him the same thing, and that his mind immediately had gone to you. He just clears his throat and snaps himself out of that thought process.

“Um, I just came by to see Sandy,” he says, “But I can fathom a guess that she’s not here?”

“Excellent deduction,” you joke, and he smirks. Valerie has his tie in her mouth and is covering it in drool. He doesn’t even seem to care.

“Are you okay?” he asks, and you nod. “You looked a little scared when you answered.”

“Just watching the news before you showed up is all,” you explain, “They were talking about how there was another man found dead.”

“Ain’t got nothing to worry about,” he says, “We’re on top of it. I’m on my way over there now.”

“Can I ask you something?” you ask hesitantly.

“Of course, darling.”

“My friend, you probably know her- Julie Grady.”

“Yeah, nice kid,” he says, listening but gently pulling his tie from Valerie’s grasp. She starts playing with the flap of the pocket of his jacket.

Kid. You almost grimace. That’s right. Of course, Lee would view someone your age that way. You weren’t. You chastise yourself for even caring, but you decide to continue. You shouldn’t care how he sees you.

“Yeah- well, she told me there have been others,” you continue, “I also read up about it, just the newspapers at the library- but she said people thought it was some kind of serial killer… I just, I want to know what you think.”

“I don’t think know,” he answers honestly, a little taken aback, not expecting you to approach him with something this serious. “I doubt it,” he explains, “Serial killers stay close to home. Now those cases you read about, and these two we are looking at- they sound close together but logistically, they aren’t really. Two of those unsolved were in completely different states- just like this new one.”

“So, no traveling serial killer?” you chuckle, trying to sound lighthearted. He chuckles and shakes his head.

“Most people like that stay in one area,” Lee explains, “They work jobs, they have a home, you know? They tend to stay near where they live.”

“That makes me feel much better,” you answer honestly.

“You got nothing to worry about, and that’s a promise,” he grins, although he supposes coming from him that probably doesn’t mean much. Regardless, it makes you smile.

“Are you sure I can’t get you anything?” you offer again. He bites his lip, taking a moment to think.

“Sandy keeps a bag of candy in her cabinet,” he says, walking into the kitchen with you following close behind. He passes Valerie off to you and he chuckles under his breath at the state of his tie. He reaches up in the cabinet and pulls down a brown paper bag, filled with taffies and chocolates.

Something about this man who has a whole time scared of him playing with his niece and then stealing sweets from the cupboard is something you find so strangely endearing. He unwraps one of the brightly colored taffies and then puts the bag in his pocket.

“I gotta go,” he announces, “let me know if you hear from Sandy, yeah?”

“Of course,” you reply.

“Gonna head out to that scene, and do my report,” he discloses, not really sure why he’s telling you. “Then I have a meeting at the rectory about that fundraiser thing. Figure out security.”

“They need security at Bid-On-A-Basket?” you ask, with an eyebrow raised. He smiles.

“You going?” he asks, flirtatiously.

“Just seems weird to have police at a Church thing.”

“There’s been stupid fights,” he shrugs, “some guy will get outbid and cause a fuss. Nothing serious. Probably just gonna be me and a deputy in case. You going?”

“I don’t know, maybe,” you say sheepishly. “Why?”

He walks towards the front door, and you follow seeing him out.

“Cause I gotta know if I’ll be bidding on a basket,” he winks.

“You gonna start a fight if you don’t win it?” you joke.

“If it’s yours? Absolutely, darling.”

Taglist:

@adelaide-walker @thedepressolit @samanthadegaro @pyronack @greeneyedblondie44  @acciosiriusblack  @weenersoldierr @teenagemutant @witchybarb @iraot @my-love-darling @hold-me-like-a-heart-beat @swiftieandthewintersoldier @letsfly-andbe-free @rebekahdawkins @stiles-stilinski-24-dylan @hersilencedscreams @unsaltedalmonds @dangerdolns @vintagepigeon @bluebouquetcupcake29 @goslytherin @captainofallfandoms @buckistan @aynanasstuff @everything-is-all-clear @rosalynshields @tinynshykitten​ 

[sortasirius]

“Despair” and Cas’ Fall

*record scratch* *freeze frame* I bet you’re wondering how I got here.  Oh that’s right, it’s because Destiel is canon now and I can talk about it forever and will continue to do so.

Let’s talk about Cas’ fall.

So now we know, Cas was falling from the second he met Dean, but let’s talk about that journey.

I think Cas tried, for a while, to refuse to admit that he felt *something* in regards to Dean.  I don’t think it was love, not yet, but for him to feel anything at all for him is what kickstarts the beginning of his fall.

He’s a solider, supposed to follow orders and not think for himself, and he tries to do that, tries not to care about Dean, about humanity, about the loss of human life, but he does.

The idea of “caring” comes up early between Dean and Cas, and I think Cas spends a lot of time, before the other angels realize that he’s straying down a path that they deem “undesirable,” trying to understand why Dean is as selfless as he is, why does he care so much?

I don’t think Cas ever really figures it out, but he begins admiring it, emulating it in a way.  This is the conscious start of his fall (internally anyway), he tries to understand humanity by understanding Dean.

Already he’s comfortable confiding in Dean, telling him things he likely wouldn’t tell another angel, let alone a human.

And then, in 4x10, the first admittance of what will come to be the ultimate truth:

Even then, Cas is forced to take a step back, already Heaven is questioning him, why he’s so concerned with this human.

Dean saves Cas for the first time, and again the question: why?  Why would Dean save him when he’s already angry at them for taking Anna?  Why would he risk his life to save Cas?  Why does Dean care?

Already Uriel has had to take the lead from Cas, because Cas can’t be trusted, he has to be watched, make sure that he doesn’t put Dean’s needs in front of the mission.  Because Cas is beginning to care which he, as a soldier, shouldn’t do.

Falling for a human.  Disgusting.  Beneath the level of an angel.  Why pay attention to them, they are God’s creation, but not worth an angel’s time.  Why care about them?

And doubt leads to disobedience, because what if they’re asked to kill Dean?  Could Cas follow through?

Cas doesn’t care about Alastair, he doesn’t care if Alastair gets tortured, but he does care about Dean, he cares that this will hurt him.  The doubts have been planted: is this right, is is right not only to torture to get the information they need, but is it right to put Dean through this for their purposes?

And when Dean is beaten within an inch of his life by Alastair, that’s when Cas goes to Anna, begins openly questioning his doubts, the idea of disobedience.

It all comes down to Dean.

I have a theory...

That Cas didn’t consciously disobey, didn’t actively make the decision to go against his orders until Dean prayed to him.

He can’t say anything exact, can’t step in directly, but he can give Dean information he shouldn’t know, information that he can use to his advantage.

This is Cas’ choice, consequences of the disobedience be damned.

When he steps in directly, he is punished, and severely, enough to make him take a step back, at least convince himself for a time that he can still follow orders, that he doesn’t care about humanity, that he doesn’t care about Dean.

But it’s not enough, the torture he experienced in Heaven, it’s not enough.  Though it scared him back in line, the second Dean asks, he considers telling him everything again.

Dean’s love for humanity, for his family, for those around him is what is driving him here, he doesn’t want the world to suffer the Apocalypse, because he knows what Hell is like.

When it comes down to it, the question for Cas remains: why?  Why should he care?  And this is the first time he hears why, and it’s also the first time Dean Winchester really changes him.

So Cas brings up his own fears, the feat he thinks all humans must suffer from: the fear of dying, of death.  Surely, even Dean is afraid of that.

But Dean is always surprising him.

This is the end of the arc of Cas’ initial fall: this final choice, the choice to blatantly disobey, to choose humanity over the angels, the choice to sacrifice himself for humanity.  Make no mistake, I’m not saying that Cas did all this to make Dean happy, he didn’t, this was his own choice, a series of choices, an understanding of right and wrong, a feeling that humanity is worth saving, but the catalyst of this is Dean.  And we see that over and over and over again, for the next decade.

I think so much of Cas’ feelings are repressed, twisted and tangled around his confusion around his falling: why did he choose humanity?   Likely, deep down, he knows, just as those around him know. 

And over and over, when it came down to it: angels or Dean, victory or Dean, Cas will always choose Dean.

This season, we’ve seen Cas grow, learn to accept the way that he feels, and finally, in “Despair” he says the thing he’s likely known for over a decade out loud.  That he loves Dean, that he has always loved Dean, and that his lvoe for the world, his love for humanity, is because he knew Dean.

[firewoodfigs]

Hi!! Could you do "It was a hospital bed, and A slipped in carefully to lie beside B all night" for a Royai fic from that prompt list? Thank you!! ❤️❤️

hello anon!! thanks for the prompt aaaah I had a lot of fun toying with it in between work and the other shenanigans that have been cropping up this week <3 I hope you don't mind the somewhat unusual ending ahaha I dimly recall writing a few other fics indirectly responding to this prompt (here and here!) so I wanted to try something slightly different from my usual fare 👉🏻👈🏻 part of this was also originally from a two-shot I'm working on, tweaked to fit the prompt hehe. I hope you enjoy!!! 🥰

                                       +++++

Riza can think of a million reasons why hospitals are awful.

First, the food. She’s not sure if it’s as nutritious as they make it out to be; there are times when she wonders if it’s even edible. She’s had worse, of course - hospital food isn’t as bad as ration bars - but she’s quickly getting tired of eating plain yoghurt and bland porridge every day, for every single meal.

Second, the stench. Riza hates that every inch of the place smells like a victim of obsessive cleanliness; she has to resist the urge to upchuck every time the door opens and the smell of chemicals and antiseptic filters in like an unwanted guest.

Third, the fact that she’s sharing a room with a man who, at this point, is behaving more like a cat on hot bricks than a disciplined soldier is quickly driving her insane. She’d readily agreed to be his caretaker, of course; Riza doubts there’s anyone else capable of dealing with his antics and ever-growing anxiety. But after hearing him sigh and toss and turn in his bed for the fifty-eighth time that night (she’d counted, because she was bored out of her wits, and there was nothing else she could do other than sleep or stare at the ceiling, per doctor’s orders), Riza decides she’s just about had enough.

She looks at him from her bed. He’s presently engaged with twiddling his thumbs, thinking out loud.

Riza sighs and rises from her bed quietly. She brings the IV stand along with her - an unnecessary inconvenience - and carefully slips into his bed once she’s made sure that the tubes and wires connected to them are tangle-free.

“I never pegged you as an opportunist, Lieutenant,” he murmurs, despite her best efforts to be discreet. “Sleeping with your commanding officer while he’s blind?”

“You could always court martial me later, sir,” Riza deadpans. “Now scoot over.”

Luckily, he obliges without much retort. 

“Your wish is my command.”

Riza huffs. She adjusts the thin, scraggly piece of linen that the hospital justifies as a blanket - another downside of this shitty place - and makes sure he’s probably covered, warm.

“Three words,” she mutters.

“Eight letters?”

“Twelve, actually.”

Roy raises a brow. “What could it be?”

“Would you like to wager a guess, sir?”

“Not really.”

“You’re an idiot,” she says. Roy laughs, and it’s a tiny little sound that is so discordant with his current mood, but it’s at least genuine. “Now go to sleep.”

“Alright, alright.”

He stops fidgeting, for a while. Riza closes her eyes and attempts to fall asleep - and she actually does, for a while - at least until she hears the sheets rustling again, the movement and tension coming from beside her. She groans softly.

“You should sleep, sir.”

She feels him stiffen. Roy smiles sheepishly, looking right through her like she’s not there. It still unnerves her how this is probably going to be their new normal: him without his sight. Her as his eyes.

“Sorry.”

Riza frowns. An apology is not the answer she wants. What she wants is for him - or them both, actually - to sleep and rest and properly recuperate so that they can have a speedy recovery, so that they can get out of here as soon as possible.

“Bad dreams?” she asks, because it’s the exact same thing that’s been haunting her. (She’s lucky her throat makes it impossible for her to scream or kick up a fuss; she’d hate for Roy to stumble blindly through the room in what he probably thinks is an act of chivalry and/or heroism.)

He shrugs.

“Then and now,” he offers. His smile fades, and he lapses into an unexpected moment of vulnerability. “Hard to differentiate between day and night nowadays, too.”

And because Riza doesn’t know what to say, she simply brushes her knuckles against his.

Roy returns the gesture, drawing indiscernible patterns on the back of her hand with his bandaged one.

“Well, it’s almost midnight now, sir.”

He lets out a small laugh, but it’s painfully hollow.

Riza shifts slightly. It’s a bit of a tight squeeze - hospital beds are clearly not meant for two persons (or anything inappropriate) - but it doesn’t bother her all that much. She just wishes there’s more she can do, to comfort him. Make him feel a little less gloomy.

“It feels like I’ve been sleeping for years.”

“If it helps reduce the incidents of you falling asleep during office hours, then you should get more sleep now, while you can.”

Roy turns, like he’s searching for her, even though there’s not much closer she can be at this point. He exhales shakily. She feels his hand trembling against hers, and responds with a gentle caress. (She knows he’s still feeling guilty, probably berating himself internally about their predicament, about what transpired beforehand. And to be fair, there’s a part of her that’s still angry about all that's happened underground. They’ll probably have to talk about it, at some point, but probably not now — not when they’re both still drugged up and only half-lucid.)

“Humour me, Lieutenant.”

“What?”

“I can’t sleep,” he confesses. Dimly, Riza notes that his voice has taken on a somewhat petulant edge — like a child complaining about their bedtime, but she doesn’t comment on it. Being nearly bedridden for a week is enough to drive her nuts, too. “I’ve tried counting sheep and all that shit, and it’s just — it’s not working.”

Riza sighs. She’s tired, yes, but she’s also aware that she’s probably not going to get any sleep at this rate. She tries to think of ways to stave off his restlessness. Reading is one — she can probably bore him into sleep with a Xingese recitation (she’s gotten pretty good at that lately), but she’s technically not supposed to be talking much. Alcohol is another, but neither of them are supposed to be drinking (and besides, the only form of alcohol available in hospitals isn’t meant for human consumption). Maybe chess, then. She’s not particularly keen on playing a game of chess, now (because she just wants to sleep), but she thinks it’ll help exhaust some of his boundless energy.

“We could play a game of chess, if you want. Breda was kind enough to drop a vinyl board here in the afternoon.”

“I can’t see —“

“I’ll tell you where I move my pieces.”

He frowns, clearly not liking the idea. “You’re not supposed to be talking much, Lieutenant.”

“I’m fine,” she insists, turning to pour a cup of water for herself before continuing. “I won’t have to speak much — unless you’re being a nuisance or a cheat or a fraud.”

He laughs. “I’ll be none of those things, Lieutenant.”

“Good.”

She sets up the board on his bed and helps him sit up. Riza lets him play white.

“It’s your move, sir.”

“You’ve made yours?”

“No. You’re playing white.”

“Tough. It’ll be more embarrassing if I end up losing.”

Riza smiles. “Well, we don’t know that yet, sir.”

He opens with pawn to e4. She helps him move his pieces and parrots her movements back to him. Pawn to e4, too. Pawn to d4. Same here. A closed game, not quite like his usual aggressive style of playing.

Riza watches as he frowns with intensity. It’s probably more a test of memory than strategy for him at this point. She wonders if there’s a way he can adapt to chess, to the military’s utilitarian (and frankly unsympathetic) demands now that his sight’s impaired.

(Life is so unlike chess, Riza thinks, in spite of Roy’s silly metaphors that postulate otherwise. The rules are never fixed, and the universe is always rife with uncertainty. It’s not like chess, where you can predict your opponents’ moves if you get good enough. Neither of them had expected that he’d be here right now, losing sleep and contemplating life over a chessboard while blind.)

He clucks his tongue, reciting a series of movements from memory. The Blackmar-Diemer. Riza smiles indulgently.

Still as aggressive as ever, sir.

Of course.

The game quickly becomes a round of blitz, and though he manages to open his lines and mount a rather decent attack, it’s clear that he has trouble recalling after the eighteenth move. It's still an impressive feat, though. Better than the average layperson.

“Check,” Riza announces, conversationally. Technically, she’d had the advantage, both on the board (and in real life). It shouldn’t really count, and besides, checkmate isn’t her objective — it’s to get her commanding office to sleep.

“Well-played,” Roy hums. He’s strangely still in his bed as he closes his eyes, rubbing at his temples — presumably to ease off an oncoming migraine. It happens a lot, when he’s in deep thought, when he’s over thinking. Thinking too much for his own good. “I need to work on my recall, I think.”

“I think so too, sir.”

He laughs, but the sound is again empty, foreign. It is so at odds with his usual smirks and unbridled laughter (when he’s laughing at someone else, or a joke made at somebody’s expense), like there’s an ache beneath the surface that she cannot reach.

Roy turns slightly, bumping into his dethroned king as he adjusts himself on the bed.

She blames the sudden, uncharacteristic urge to cry on her drugged-up system.

(Riza doesn’t think she’ll ever get used to how uncommunicative his eyes are. He’s always regarded each and every one of his subordinates with respect and meaning and gratitude, but he’d simply looked over the unit as if taking inventory when they had come by earlier.

But she’ll make do, Riza thinks. She has to. She’s always known him in a way nobody else has, in a deeply intimate way, like a book she’s memorised by heart.)

They fall silent for a few minutes. His lips part a little - she knows  he’s about to say something - but it snaps shut again, like he can’t bring himself to say the words.

Riza simply waits for him, like she always has; holding onto his held breath like it's the last thread of hope. She leans into his touch a little closer than necessary.

I’m right here, even if you can’t see me.

Roy smiles.

“I hope I won’t forget your face, Riza.”

[perpetuelledaydreaming]

Illicit affairs -Prologue

General Summary: y/n stark returns after she escaped New York & peter’s rather anxious to see her after what happened between them. But neither fury or tony care about it and assign a mission to them: capture black cat and kingpin. Should be easy right? No, lol. While y/n and peter try to navigate their new “friendship” and try work together to capture kingpin, y/n gets tangled with one pretty felicia hardy and peter doesn’t like it at all. Jealousy doesn’t suit peter or y/n, secret meetings are a must, partying too and even a couple of hookups; everything to save the world, right?

Summary: y/n comes back from spending one year and a half in Europe for a mission, peter’s nervous as hell for her return and tony is not having any of their shit, so instead of buying an oversize “get-along-shirt” he decides to place them in a “get-along-mission”. 

Listen to: Dreams - Fleetwood Mac and Illicit affairs - Taylor Swift

word count: 7.7k

(author’s note at the end now)

series masterlist

Peter stared at the entrance of the Compound, hands in the pockets of his jeans with an absent expression drawn on his face. He could hear all the steps of people walking on the compound and he recognized there were far more than what he had gotten used to in one year and a half. 

He remembered how much he had craved the same activity as before, to see his mentors but especially to see you. But now he was panicking, his thoughts were screaming for him to leave before anything could go wrong but still every nerve on his body was pulling him into the compound and he knew the reason. He still couldn’t really process how much his heart still ache to see you again, even after you had been gone all this time without any type of contact. 

But it wasn’t a surprise that you had been avoiding him. 

He knew he had told Tony about what had happened between the two of you and he was sure that you had told him your version of events. But it still seemed like Tony didn’t remember when he had called Peter earlier in the day, he had a mission for him and needed him on the compound with the whole team. 

“The whole team?”

“Yeah, they came back yesterday”

Peter froze midway on his walk to another building on campus for his next class, since he had decided to double major in biophysics and electronic engineering. Tony had dismissed his long pause as he explained the logistics of the meeting and how he could have Happy pick him up if he wanted, Peter didn’t respond and simply by omission agreed for Happy to do it, although he had his car. 

After the call, the rest of the day had been a blur until Happy called him to tell him he was in front of the main campus of Columbia waiting for him. Peter didn’t talk on the ride to the compound and hadn’t even checked in with anyone else in his life. 

He was only focused on what would it be to see you again. 

It was Peter’s first time on Stark Tower after Tony had made him go on a mission regarding Captain America, the Winter Soldier, and Germany. Peter had returned from Germany for about a week when he finally got his call for him to go visit Stark Tower and Peter had been more than excited to go. 

“So kid, this is how it’ll work”, Tony explained to him as the door opened to a spacious metallic, modern industrial looking floor that blinded Peter for a second. “There are four different labs here: we have my lab, which is obviously the biggest, Bruce’s lab for when he decides to pay us a visit, Keener’s lab and my daughter’s lab over there”

Peter had been stuck a bit when Tony mentioned someone named Keener since Peter didn’t know anything about anyone else working with them, but everything was washed away when he remembered you. 

It hadn’t always been known that Tony Stark had a kid, you had lived with your mother until she had passed away when you were about five years old and it had been kept a well-hidden secret until Tony was kidnapped. Obadiah Stane had, unfortunately, decided that it would appeal to Tony’s kidnappers’ emotions that his own child would ask for his return. Pepper had been against it, but Stane hadn’t listened and then the world knew about you. 

Since then, the media had been in a frenzy about Tony’s Stark daughter and they didn’t stop, although there wasn’t much, they could get out of you. The main things the world knew about you were that you had left a private school in Malibu when Tony became Ironman and had been homeschooled since you had the same brain as your father and were most likely a super-genius, you got to go to events sometimes regarding Stark’s Industries and, most importantly, you were a member of The Avengers. 

“Dad, where are the blueprints of the exoskeleton?”, a silvery voice asked, coming from your lab and then it followed with your presence. 

Peter was in awe as he took you in. Peter noticed your smile first, it was so warm that it melted him inside when he noticed how well it go with your bright y/e/c eyes. They seemed like galaxies for him, he also noticed your long hair, much longer than the last time Peter had seen on the paparazzi pictures. But what made him smile even more was that you were on leggings and a light blue sweatshirt, looking like a normal teenager but with goggles on, soldering iron on one hand, and a hologram of your suit in the other. 

You were so focused on the design that you were too close when you finally raised your head from the hologram and stopped dead on your tracks when you noticed Peter. 

“Darling, meet Peter Parker”, Tony announced as he patted Peter on the back and pulled him towards your direction. “Parker, meet my daughter”

When you looked up, your gaze linked up with those chocolate light eyes with golden specks and you immediately smiled, knowing exactly who he was. 

“Hi- Hi, what…” Peter’s words stumbled against one another, “I’m Peter”

Peter seemed small and timid, he even looked younger than what you actually thought he was. The freckles that adorned his face didn’t help him look older either but they looked like a constellation, they were accompanied by chocolate curls that fell on his forehead and framed his face perfectly. 

“Lovely to meet you Spiderman”, you replied playfully. 

Peter smiled back and after that, you were smitten. 

As time passed you got closer and closer, you were the youngest on the team so it wasn’t a surprise for any of the other avengers that you had finally found a partner and were sticking together. 

Peter felt like a breeze of fresh air as he stood in front of you with his new suit on the compound trying it while you cheered for him along with your father. Peter was everything you hope for someone to be outside of your main circle that mainly contained The Avengers, Pepper, and Tony. He was brave, intelligent, loyal, and, most importantly, he was the kindest person that you had ever met. 

And Peter, he didn’t even doubt for a second that he needed you in his life, you were sunshine for him. When you worked together on your suit and helped you train to adjust to it, he was completely amazed by your intelligence and discipline. But mostly, it was your warmth and sensitivity, your ability to notice things that most wouldn’t, and your compassion were things that made him fall for you. 

But nothing could be so good, nothing came that easy to anyone and the way that you had parted ways broke both of your hearts. 

“Aren’t you gonna come in?”, Happy asked Peter as he passed by him and began climbing the stairs to the main entrance. 

Peter sighed as he followed Happy inside, the compound had always seemed to be larger than life itself when he had visited it for the first time but with you, it soon felt like a second home for Peter. The last few moments that you’ve had together before you walked away from each other, you had spent almost every waking free moment in there, even using your rooms more there than in the city. But after you left, he had decided to spent less time in the compound, not that it was easier to spend his time in Stark’s tower, but the compound had become such your place that he had been avoiding it as much as he could after it. 

He shuddered at the thought of you walking again through those hallways but giving him the same glare, you had given him the last time that you had seen each other. It haunted him until this day, how your eyes were swimming with resentment and how you had walked away from him. 

“Peter”, Steve’s voice woke up Peter from his thoughts and quickly embraced him in a tight hug, Peter smiled into it and embraced Steve back. 

“Captain”, he answered amuse as they let go of each other. Peter was surprised by Steve’s new beard and longer hair, he didn’t look anything like before he went, he seemed more badass than before. “Trying to copy Thor?”

See, although Peter had become a kind of surrogate son for Tony, Steve was still really involved with Peter since he saw a lot of himself in small Peter, especially after meeting him in Germany and getting to know him when they finally came back. And Peter really appreciated having Steve as another father figure as well, mostly because he was a closer take on Uncle Ben than what Tony was.

“Yeah, I got that from y/n already”, Steve chuckled as he walked with Peter towards the conference room. 

Peter flinched at the sound of your name and Steve noticed it right away. 

“She doesn’t hate you”, Steve stated as they reached the door, Peter could already hear your voice and he felt like he was going to be sick, his heart felt like it was going to jump out of his chest at any given moment and he closed his eyes as he remembered your last conversation. “She would never”

But Peter believed otherwise. 

“I can’t wait to see your friends again!”, you squealed as you walked through the cold streets of New York with Peter by your side while he smiled and tightened the hold on your hand. 

Flash had organized a rather impromptu “almost New Year’s” party, he would’ve done a real New Year’s party but he knew that all of his friends had their commitments so, there he was three days before New Year throwing out a real rave.  

Although you had never attended Midtown, you had become good friends with Ned, Betty, MJ, and Flash. Peter’s friends had always been so special to you, that you had thrown them your own goodbye party before they had left for college six months before. Ned had gotten to MIT, MJ studied in Columbia just like Peter while Betty had gone to Harvard and Flash had chosen to leave the east coast, he went to Berkley. 

“Ned and Betty are going to be so happy to see you, sometimes I think they like you more than me”, Peter replied as he recalled how much he had missed his friends. He had spent time with MJ and facetime was a must on the weekends, nonetheless, he had also tried to make new friends during the semester and he had even invited some over to Flash’s party.

“That’s a lie, but I’ll take it”, you said with a shrug as Peter turned around to smile at you. 

“Who wouldn’t love you?”, Peter stated as he watched you intently, your eyes link and you began to feel your heart ticking like a bomb, soon you looked away to the street, quickly changing the topic. 

Mostly, this semester had brought you even closer. Peter spent more time on the compound than on his dorm room, so much that he even walked in on a naked Otto (his new roommate) since he hadn’t expected Peter to return to their dorm last week. 

Your days were spent patrolling, training, on your lab or your room, not even on Peter’s who was given a room a year prior by Tony. It was quite an awesome achievement since you had been taking some classes at MIT while also interning for Tony and Pepper, both of them. Peter didn’t know how you managed to do all of that and spent as much time as you did together, but you thought the same since he was going full-time to college and also working on his Spiderman duties. 

But you did, you and Peter had arranged everything in your life, you juggled every responsibility as much as you could so you could see each other. If it meant getting fewer hours of sleep, flying from Boston to New York the same day, even if it meant wearing your suit to fly, although Pepper disapproved. 

He had even spent a couple of nights in your room, sleeping together after late nights on the streets. 

“I’ve been waiting to go to a party since forever”, you gushed as you climbed the elevator to Flash’s while Peter helped you remove your long black coat, revealing a black silky dress. Peter watched your body slowly, his gaze dropped down to one of your legs that were exposed by the slit on it and then to your exposed back. Peter gulped as you turned around and fixed your hair. “You are going to save me a dance, right?”, you continued as you batter your eyelashes in a show of mock innocence. 

But Peter’s smile slowly slid off his face as he felt how his cheeks were burning with a slight blush as you searched for his eyes. He knew you were mocking him; he knew you weren’t possibly serious because there was no way that you, Y/N Stark, were actually flirting with him. 

“Su-sure”, he muttered as his eyes connected to yours. 

But the thing was that you weren’t kidding. 

You weren’t completely sure when your relationship with Peter had shifted, you had always been close to Peter and you cared about him, a lot more than sometimes you thought it was healthy or normal for best friends. But it was the first night that he had decided to spend the night in your room, you had been tired since you had stopped more crimes than what you had expected and the criminals were far harder to defeat than the usual petty burglars. 

That night you had talked about everything. You had begun light and playful, with Peter picking you up as you recall how you had managed to defeat a couple of guys who were trying to steal an ATM. You had laughed at Peter’s goofy narration of events while you played with his hair. But then, after a few laughs, you remain silent for a couple of minutes, watching each other. 

You didn’t know what compelled you, but after a few minutes on that night, you hit each other with the hardest things in your life and how you were struggling with it. 

You had told him about your deepest fear of not being good enough, how you were actually struggling mentally with your responsibilities but also hating yourself for not doing enough in your eyes, for not being the best version of yourself that you had to imagine you would be, for not being the perfect girl everyone thought you were. How sometimes you resented Tony because everyone was expecting so much from you but it also felt like you were going to explode if you didn’t stop. How sometimes you wished you could rebel and get away from whatever image they had from you. 

And it was a complete surprise when Peter had told you that he understood. He had revealed, after so many years of friendship, what had really happened with his Uncle Ben; how he had selfishly decided to let a criminal go since he was just stealing some food and then how the same burglar had shot Uncle Ben without a second thought when he had tried to stop him. He felt so morally responsible for Uncle Ben's death that Peter had saved up so much anger inside of him that when he captured the man, he had almost killed him. No one knew about it, no one knew that Peter could hold such anger in him and everyone thought he was just this harmless boy, that could do no wrong or that had never experienced the weight of emotions, how they could drown you. 

He showed you his scars and you showed him yours.

You saw each other at your best and your worst. 

And your bond became stronger before you even realized it yourself, you knew you were in love with Peter Parker and, although you weren’t sure, you thought he loved you too. 

“Peter?”, a fruity voice snapped you both out of the trance. 

You turned around to see Gwen Stacy, the petite friend of MJ and Peter at Columbia. You remembered her since you had met her a few times when you drove Peter to college. She was a science major and usually a study buddy for Peter whenever he had to miss class because of his Spiderman responsibilities. She was also way too beautiful; she was blonde with a short blunt bob perfectly framing her face and her sapphire green eyes.  

“Gwen!”, Peter said playfully to her. As he exited the elevator with your coat in hand while you cleared your throat, irritation showing its awful head on your heart as you watched him hugging Gwen and the way Gwen pressed a soft kiss on his cheek. 

When Peter pulled away, he smiled at her and you felt your face dropping. 

“Y/N, come!”, Peter said softly as you exited the elevator with an absent expression. 

The rest of the evening was okay, you had spent time with Betty and Ned, dancing along with MJ, and even had managed to drag Peter to the dance floor although he had refused at first. Flash had been flirting with you non-stop since he saw you with that dress, to the point that Peter had shot him a glare or two before he stopped. If Peter was being honest, he believed to only have eyes for you that night but your mood had changed since you had arrived and he was clueless as to why. 

You hadn’t said anything but he knew your body language enough, almost by second nature, to realize that you were tense and nervous. He could feel your heart raising its beat each time he got closer to you but he also noticed how your muscles tensed up when things got too quiet, at least that’s what he thought. 

The thing was that you were annoyed because, at every turn, Gwen Stacy was there talking to Peter or flirting with him, you decided to stay quiet because you weren’t in the mood to fight with someone. 

“It’s everything okay?”, Peter asked as he met you in one of the large windows of Flash’s penthouse, watching New York. 

You turned around to watch Peter, his wild chocolate curls were controlled by the gel that he had decided to put earlier that evening at your place, he was wearing nice elegant pants with loafers and an open white shirt that fitted him perfectly. He looked perfect for you and you couldn’t help but blush when he got closer to you. 

“I’m okay, I just…”, you muttered and the words dissolute in the air, not wanting to finish the sentence.  

You weren’t okay but you didn’t know if it was a good time to say so, it wasn’t Peter’s fault that Gwen was interested in him, but it was exasperating that he hadn’t said anything about her advantages. Still, what infuriated you more was your attitude, you weren’t usually afraid of many things and you took pride in that but every time you wanted to yell to Peter that you loved him, nothing came out. 

“Y/N…”, Peter asked you as he placed his hand on the small of your back, in a comforting way. 

His eyes were searching yours as you licked your lips nervously. But soon, the fear was too much, it overwhelmed you so badly that you stubbornly looked away, glaring at the city. 

“I’ll be right back”, you answer and quickly got yourself loose from his hold and walked away, leaving a confused Peter behind. 

You felt out of breath when you got to the bathroom and quickly shut the door. As you saw yourself in the mirror you realized how angry you felt, you glared at yourself and cursed under your breath, quickly closing your eyes and taking a deep breath, before you opened them again. 

“Get your shit together and just tell him already”, you growled.

You loathed yourself at that exact second, you hated feeling so weak and that the feeling of not telling Peter was eating you alive. It was time to get it over with, you knew Peter, you knew him like the back of your hand and he wouldn’t hurt you, right? He could never hurt you; he was your Peter Parker, angry and sweet, for good or for bad, you knew him. And if he did feel the same way as you did, then it would all be worth it.

You smiled at the thought of you and Peter together, like you had wished for a while now and everything seemed to work. Tony had even mentioned something about it the week before and how he would be totally happy if you had feelings for Peter, which you hadn’t denied to him but hadn’t accepted either to him. 

So, you exited the bathroom with new energy flowing through your body, you wanted to tell Peter how you had fallen for him, how you wanted to feel his lips against yours one more time, how you wanted for him to hold you as he did but now with your feelings out in the open. 

You wanted him. 

You walked through the party, searching for the boy with chocolate eyes and golden specks, without minding your friends who had an almost uncomfortable look on their faces but then you saw it….

Peter who you were in love with, Peter that you saw as your one and only, Peter that you had opened yourself to for so many years and the guy who you believed belong with you was with Gwen Stacy, tangled in an embrace as they kissed each other. She was cupping his face sweetly as he had his arms around her torso, their mouths dancing as if they were the only two people on the planet. 

You stared at them in shock. 

Everything seemed to shatter into a million pieces. Everything. The late-night talks. The laughs and giggles. The holding hands. The missions together. The time you spend in the lab. The gazes lock in together. The trust. 

It wasn’t only until they finished that Peter turned around and watched you in shock. 

You turned around without a word and fled, no one could stop you, not even MJ who tried to take a hold of your hand which you brushed off. 

You were sure that in that second, you were able to hear your heartbreaking like it was glass, as you hurriedly tried to look for your coat in Flash’s room as fast as you could. You wished that you had brought your suit but you had decided to leave it for the night since the plan had been going back to Stark’s Tower with Peter. 

You felt so stupid. 

“Y/N!”, you could hear Peter shouting behind you while you look for your coat as quickly as you could but it seemed lost with the rest of the clothes that were on Flash’s bed.  

You stopped as you heard the door closing, you closed your eyes and waited for him to say anything. You hoped that maybe Peter would tell you that Gwen had just gone for it and that it was a mistake, something, anything, that would negate what you had just seen. 

But he stayed quiet and as each second pass, you felt hot rage bubbled up within your chest. 

“Since when?”

“What?”, Peter asked, his voice was small and confused. 

“Since when have you had feelings for Gwen?”, you repeated. “It was since you met her? Was it since Halloween? I want to know”

“Y/N-” 

“Tell me Peter or I swear to god!”, you shouted, spinning around and fixing Peter with a sharp glare, so full of loathing and pain, that Peter felt like it pierced right through him. 

He didn’t understand your rage, he didn’t understand why you had run away after you had seen him with Gwen. He couldn’t even phantom that you had feelings for him like he did for you, it had been a dream for him that you felt the same way that he felt at the same moment that he met you. But years had passed and Peter believed that being the confident woman that you were, there wasn’t a way that you hadn’t already told him how you felt.

“She begun flirting with me since we met, it wasn’t…”, Peter cleared his throat, meeting your gaze steadily. “It wasn’t planned, she just confessed her feelings for me and you like her too! She’s nice and sweet, she’s smart and I…”

You closed your eyes in pain as you heard Peter’s words.

Your eyes welled with tears as you shook your heart in disbelief, you felt as if your heart was being torn apart. Realizing that all the things that you were worried about were the truth. 

“I’m so stupid”, you whispered to yourself. 

Peter furrowed his eyes and he tried to get closer but you flinched. 

It hurt. 

“Why are you stupid, y/n?”, Peter asked in a gruff voice, he watched you intently because he knew you well enough to know that you were hiding something from him and if it was what Peter was really thinking, then he needed to know. 

But you didn’t answer. You didn’t even want to look at his face any longer, you felt cripple by a broken heart and, in such an uncharacteristic manner, you wished for a second that he could feel the same pain that you were feeling. 

“Y/N?”

“Leave me alone, Parker”, you spat as if his name was poison while your eyes narrowed angrily. 

It stung more than what Peter wanted to admit as he stared at you for a moment., The way that you had said his name, made him shuddered and tears began to well in his eyes too. He could hear your harshened breaths growing shallow and how you were fighting to keep your tears at bay. 

He wanted to stop you but you raced out of the apartment without looking back once. You ran down the snowy sidewalks, running and running in your high heels until you couldn’t see clearly because of your tears. You had kept right on running until you managed to get into the elevator of Stark Tower and you collapsed, sobbing like you hadn’t in your life. 

“Dad! Pepper!” 

Tony and Pepper had come out running from different parts of the apartment when they saw you on the floor of the elevator. 

“Y/N! What’s wrong?”, Pepper said in alarm, as she tried to kneel but her baby bump wouldn’t let her.

But you couldn’t say anything, your sobs wouldn’t let you modulate words as you simply raised from the elevator and clutched her tighter while Tony hugged both of you from behind. 

Peter entered the conference room and it was full of avengers, sometimes he still couldn’t believe that it was his life after so many years of working with them, inside the team. But the thought quickly dissipated as his eyes searched for you. It wasn’t too difficult to find you, since everyone was already sitting down, he and Steve were the last ones that had arrived and Fury was already standing up at the edge of the table alongside Tony. 

He gave a small wave to Wanda, Bucky, and Sam who had been in the mission with you, Harley gave him an uninterested look which he had ignored because he was permanently annoyed at Harley’s attitude and then he found you sitting beside him, looking absentmindedly whirling your straw around in your drink. 

You had changed and it was for good. Your long, long hair was now cut short and it reached a little bit below your shoulders. Your face had become more defined and the pup fat that Peter sometimes bothered you with by pinching your cheeks was gone, now you had sharper cheeks and jaw. You weren’t dressed in sweats like you used to dress before for anything that didn’t involve a party but now you were wearing a turtle knitted sweater that framed your body perfectly with white mom jeans. 

You seemed to have grown. 

Peter walked up to you and seated himself in the chair across from you, clearing his throat and snapping you out of your little trance. You blinked in surprise and stared at him, looking a little caught off guard. 

He looked taller and more fit than before, he had grown into the confident persona that you knew he had deep inside of him, you could tell by the way he was looking at you. But those chocolate eyes with golden specks hadn’t change one bit and neither the constellation of freckles that adorned his face, the ones you loved to trace when you were helping him relax. He was still wearing what he usually wore since the time you met him, except he had dropped the nerdy t-shirts that had been a staple of him during high school, and now he had a white plain t-shirt that combined well with his simple jeans and a dark blue sweatshirt.

But, even if he looked that good, nothing had changed between the two of you. 

“How’s Gwen?”, you asked sarcastically as Peter huffed in annoyance. 

Peter had tried to reach you for days; he had even intended to go to Stark Tower the day after the fact but Aunt May had fallen ill with a bad cold so he decided to stay with her. But it didn’t stop him from making about a thousand calls to your phone, at night he even wondered if he should call Tony but he was afraid about the fallout of your fight, he knew that Tony wouldn’t change who he was with him but Peter also knew that he would protect you no matter what and if it that meant hiding you from Peter, he would do it. 

So, it wasn’t a surprise when Tony didn’t answer either. 

Peter couldn’t sleep for days as he stared at his ceiling in silence, replaying the scene in Flash’s room over and over again, your face filled with pain and rage was something that he hadn’t seen. Not even when you were fighting criminals, like the Vulture. And it didn’t help his sleeping situation that Gwen hadn’t stopped texting either. 

After you had left the party, Gwen had managed to catch Peter before he reached the elevator and had talked to him about what had happened, she had held him as he cried about you but he decided not to say anything too specific about your fight. Gwen had been there for him and he appreciated, they hadn’t kiss anymore that night but she had been checking in on him, being as sweet as she had always been and Peter was happy? Yes, he was happy that he had someone he could talk to that was there for him since it seemed like even his friends were upset with him too. 

But Gwen was not you. 

May got better after a couple of days, so, without many hours of sleep, Peter decided to show up at Stark Tower. He hoped that he could talk to you and finally explained what had happened that night, Peter somehow hoped that you would tell him what he wished for but he believed you were far away from that. Still, his only hope was to see you again and talk, say something that could bring you back together. 

The elevator opened to the penthouse and it seemed like it was lonelier than what he was expecting. It was late in the morning, so Peter had figured out that you had been already working out since it was your usual routine but he couldn’t hear your heart beating. Peter walked towards the kitchen and hoped that you were already having breakfast and that he had simply missed it but when he arrived, only Tony was there. 

Tony turned around and froze as he munched on some berries that he had in his hand. 

“What are you doing here, kid?”

Peter nibbled on his bottom lip and he could feel his hands starting to sweat, he quickly placed them in his pockets as he walked towards the island kitchen, “I need to talk to y/n, Mr. Stark please”

It sounded wobblier than Peter had hoped to but it was sincere enough that Tony sighed and relaxed his tense muscles. “She’s not here, kid”, he said as he shook his head, “She’s gone”

“What do you mean?”, Peter asked once more as he got closer to Tony, panic swimming in his eyes. 

Tony walked towards Peter and he placed a hand on his shoulder, he squeezed it. “I’m sorry Peter”

“Tony, where is she?”, Peter glared, shooting a look up at Tony who shook his head, as he looked sideways to Peter. 

“She left for a mission”, Tony explained to him while Peter turned around to face him, brows bumped together in confusion, he didn’t recall that you had been assigned a mission on the last meeting. “The one in Europe and Asian, she went with Steve, Nat, Bucky, Wanda, and Sam”

Peter felt his stomach sinking because he remembered when Fury and Steve had disclosed the mission: One year at least on the East of Europe and in Asia, locating Hydra Nests to finalize the threat on countries where they could do the most damage. They had decided to pick Steve, Nat, Bucky, Wanda, and Sam because they were the most experienced ones and it was a dangerous mission, they had to be very careful since they were mostly acting undercover because the government didn’t want them there. It was a real possibility for someone to die, more chances than what they usually faced.

“What?”

Peter repeated the same words as he responded to your sarcastic comment, Harley snickering under his hand while you simply gave Peter a phony smile. It was clear that you weren’t really over what had happened a year and a half ago and why should you? Peter was still dating Gwen, as your father had let you know as soon as you got home. You had still hope that nothing had actually happened between them and although it was a longshot, you still wanted to believe that maybe Peter had waited.

But he didn’t and it burned again as if your past feelings, that you thought you had left behind when you climbed the quinjet to Europe, were filling you once more. 

Peter’s face turned into a scowl as he watched your attitude and Harley’s. You had changed personality-wise too and he felt frustration growing inside of him. He had hoped that when you came back you had forgotten whatever your reason was to fight with him, he hoped that you would simply fall back into your friendship and that nothing had really changed between the two of you. 

But you didn’t and Peter felt confused, he felt confused because it wasn’t fair. It had been almost two years and you were still filled with resentment. 

“Mrs. Stark, Mr. Paker”, Fury’s gravelly voice snapped you both out of your glares. “Can we start?”

The rest of the meeting continue without much trouble, Steve and Nat where in charge of the debrief of your mission and how successfully you had eradicated Hydra nests in the areas that you went but there were different countries that you hadn’t reached, even in a year and a half there was a lot to be done yet. You had talked about how you were helping the different towns or areas that had been affected by Hydra’s activities, how the crime rates had gone down after you managed to intervene and how you had left them different programs so they could introduce to their governments. 

Peter had been gazing at you as you continue to tell about your time there, he saw the gleam on your eyes when you were talking about the different ways you had helped people but when you finished your eyes locked again but you looked away from Peter with your chin high and Peter did the same. Each one refusing to look at the other when you intervened in the meeting any further. Although it didn’t work, because you could still feel your heartbeat skipping a beat and couldn’t help the tugging on the sides of your smile when he was talking about how he had defeated the Scorpion four months ago and how the crime rates in Queens had gone down because of it. 

But more than that, neither of you tried to face the other. 

At least until Fury was updating you on a next mission. 

“After that, you would be able to pass through Moldavia, and then it would be easy to reach Kosovo. You’ll arrive in Pristina where people will be waiting for you, it’s going to be shorter than the last but they are being seriously affected by the Hydra activity”, Fury finished explaining as he was turned around from the hologram that showed the route. “The mission has been assigned to-”

“I want to go!”, you suddenly babbled, a hand up in the air with excitement while Wanda gave you a thumbs up from afar in another seat. 

Fury rolled his eyes. 

“We have a problem here, y/n”, Tony said, nudging one of the files that Fury had in front of him. “There have been some robberies through New York, more importantly, on the last month or so Hammer Industries and Oscorp Industries have been raided” 

“Well, Peter can handle it, can’t he?”, you drawled, as you gave Peter a look with a pout on your face.  

Peter wanted to be flattered, you thinking that he could handle a threat was nice but he suspected it was coming from the fact that you clearly wanted to get out of New York too and, especially, far away from him. 

“I haven’t been able to catch her”, Peter muttered as he answered with a timid look. 

“Her?”, you asked, a slight frown on your face as you gazed at Peter who had his shoulders slumped and tried to avoid your gaze. You still knew him; you still knew his body language and there was something that was bothering him. 

“Black Cat”, Fury answered as he threw the file to your place and you opened it quickly. 

The first thing your eyes focused on was a picture of her, on what you believe was Hammer thanks to the tech. It wasn’t a good photo; you could only white hair wrapped up in a tall ponytail and her black leather costume. She looked good, from what you could see, but it wasn’t much either way thanks to the quality of the camera. 

“Hammer should really change its security camera provider”, you drawled as you checked the file. “What about the Oscorp security video? Doesn’t he have one of those?”

“You should know how paranoic Norman is, he didn’t want to give us any footage”, Tony explained as you continued to read whatever information was in the file, but there wasn’t much. 

The one interesting thing was the number of abilities she had: extremely superhuman reflexes, agility, and the stamina of an Olympic level acrobat. She knew martial arts from what they had found from the fights that she had and was able to incapacitate her assailants without getting injured. 

“Peter, don’t you have footage of her? We can scan her fighting pattern and search for weaknesses”, you suggested as you closed the file and pushed it back to Fury’s place. 

But Peter remained silent. 

“Peter?”, you asked and you turned around to face him, a dour look drawn on his face and you felt your eye twitching as you realized what he did.

“I…”, Peter began as he felt the glares of Fury and you. 

“Please, tell me you didn’t deactivate your baby monitor program”

“I deactivated my baby monitor”, Peter answer quietly. 

The way that you slapped your own face managed to make Harley jumped as all of the others looked up to you slightly alarmed. Sam’s face even twisted in a way as he mouthed a small ‘ouch’. 

“How can you be so stupid!?”, you shouted at Peter, your hand still on your face and frustration bubbling on your chest. 

Everyone stayed silent as their gazes traced back to Peter’s blinking expression, his eyes wide as a plate and a slight blush appearing on his cheeks from the embarrassment. Peter remembered when you lashed out, it wasn’t often and you mostly got angry at yourself when you didn’t manage to accomplish something, but not to a lot of people.

“Here we go”, Bucky muttered, as if he already knew what was about to unfold.

“I was tired of Tony reviewing all my footage, there was private stuff sometimes in there!”, Peter stammered, the high pitch in his voice making it obvious he was a bit nervous but the glare in his eyes dripped annoyance. 

“What? Were you using your suit to web Gwen’s hands in bed?”, you scoffed, rolling your eyes. Tony immediately shot you an annoyed look as Harley, Sam and Bucky burst into laughs while Steve and Fury crossed their arms on their chest, as Nat, Wanda, Bruce and Vision had their mouths wide open in surprise.

“Why are you being so unbearable?”, Peter snapped but he quickly shut his mouth, not wanting to say more. 

He could feel the anger bubbling up in his chest and his cheeks getting warmer and warmer with each second. Yes, he had turned off his baby monitor program because Gwen had asked him so. No, he wasn’t tying her hands in bed but he was pinning her under him while wearing the suit, it seemed like she was keen on it, but that wasn’t the point that should be brought up in an avengers meeting. He lingered for a moment, wondering if he should go off at you as he stared at you: blush cheeks, narrowed eyes but there was a gleam in your eyes and Peter remembered from your last conversation, you were still hurting. 

“You two, enough”, Tony intervened sharply as he glared at your behavior. 

You sighed as you slumped on your chair and Peter sat down annoyed, looking down and not wanting to face anyone of the avengers in one thousand years after what you had said.

“She’s not the point, the point is that we think she’s working for Kingpin”, Fury explained once more as Kingpin’s profile appeared on a hologram in front of you, at the center of the table. 

It had been a while since you had heard his name, you knew he was dangerous and that he was no joke, especially in New York. 

The last time you had heard about him, was when he had been absolved by a judge on drug charges but you knew it was because he had such a criminal organization that his pawns were the ones that had been caught, no evidence relating him directly. Plus, he was also regarded as the owner of much legitimate business and even had ties with politicians so it had become unlikely that he would get caught. Tony had offered to capture him some time ago, but Coronel Ross had decided that NYPD should be in front of that case, that the avengers shouldn’t waste their time on it. 

But it seemed like they were being unsuccessful. 

“Do we know why he would want whatever she’s stealing from Hammer and Osborn?”, you asked as you watched Kingpin's image on the screen. His heavyset appearance sometimes frightened you, his crystal blue eyes seemed way too dangerous and you gulped as you realized how tall he was. 

“No, but you two are going to find out”, Fury answered you as he placed another set of files in front of you and another in front of Peter.

You inhale a sharp breath as it dawned on you who the two of you were. A shiver of panic ran through your spine as you realized that you had to stay in New York and also work with Peter, without any time frame of how long you would have to stay. Peter also felt his throat tighten up, he realized that he had to work with you, this new you that wouldn’t doubt in calling him out if needed. 

“She doesn’t want to be here”, Peter whined as he looked at Tony. 

“I don’t”, you started but were quickly cut off by Tony. 

“I don’t care if you don’t want to”, Tony replied abruptly as he then turned at Peter, “Or if you don’t want to either”. Peter slumped a bit more on his chair. “You are going to work together like you used to because we said so and you can’t say no because we are your bosses. You are not seventeen anymore.”

Sometimes you forgot how severe Tony was, especially how he was with you, you could feel he was still a bit hurt that you had left for Europe without even discussing it with him first. He had simply allowed it because he understood how upset you were, but he wasn’t expecting that you would leave for such a long time, you hadn’t even met Morgan.

Peter had always been a little nervous about Tony, although he had grown from the timid sixteen-year-old he was when he met Tony, he still couldn’t avoid getting anxious when Tony got mad. He knew that Tony had some resentment over what had happened with you, you had left New York because of him and had hurt Tony in the way. 

You gazed back at Peter, who was already looking at you. 

“I guess we are together in this”, you muttered and Peter nodded. 

You closed your eyes again, hoping that it wouldn’t be as bad as you hope it would be. 

You had no idea what was coming your way.

*******

author’s note: I’m so so happy to finally be starting this new series. I’ve had it in my mind since last year when I wrote “hey hey you yeah, i don’t like your girlfriend”, literally i’ve been planning it for months and just now I found the time to write it and dedicate time to it. I’m still planning to finish Back to you but i was putting a lot of pressure on myself to write for that series and i wanted to spice it up and change it from the angsty feeling of Back to you. 

I know it starts a little bit angsty but it will get much more exciting, a different y/n who has grown into herself as we saw here and whose not afraid anymore to be herself. Which is very different from y/n in Back to you. And Peter’s not that sweet as he was in Back to you, he can call out y/n too and her shit, and I LOVE that slow burn that we are going to see developing in the next chapter and also FELICIAAAAA hits different, especially for a bi like me. 

This series is also inspired by my november playlist and i think this mood fitted very well with the story we are going to see. 

There will be an update in exactly five days since i already finished chapter one and have started chapter two, i’m going to be updating as fast as i can. Please please please let me know what you think!! I little like or reblog literally make my day, especially general feedback!! thank you sooo much for taking the time to read it. 

[kyoomiii]

♡ Rainy days [hcs]

- ✎ characters ❝ kuroo, nishinoya, akaashi, and yamaguchi❞

- [ trigger warning(s): none ]

- ⚘ genre ❝ fluff, crack ❞

 ❝ ngl akaashi’s did hit a little different, but nonetheless they’re all sickeningly cute ♡〜٩(^▿^)۶〜♡ ❞

-kyo  ♡

The gentle stream of water coming from the opposing side of the door draws to a stop. A trail of steam emerges from Kuroo’s bathroom as he steps out, a plain t-shirt, a pair of shorts hugging his waist, and a towel slung over his shoulders. His usual bedhead is droopy, dripping with water from his shower.

And despite his display of pure beauty, your mind is trailed elsewhere, eyes stuck staring out the window as dark clouds gather in the late afternoon sky.

“Look Tetsu… It looks like it might rain.”

“Wouldn’t be surprised, it’s been cloudy all day. Cold too, we should stalk up on blankets.”

With that, the two of you spend the next 10 minutes picking out the most comfortable blankets Kuroo owns, settling on one that Lev ‘s sister Alisa had made and another that Kuroo has had for god knows how long.

He even brings out this mini projector that he had bought specially for movie nights as the two of you cuddle under the blankets, deciding which movie you should watch (most likely a disney/pixar movie because I think they’d be a huge guilty pleasure for him- his favorite is probably monster’s inc)

“I bet our baby would be cuter…”

“Oh my god Tetsurou.”

“Ow-What? I’m just speaking the truth.”

It’s in the middle of the movie when the pattering of rain finally begins, the droplets falling onto the window and streaming in tiny trails.

However, you don’t really seem to notice as Kuroo shifts his weight, his head laying on your abdomen, arms wrapped around your torso as your fingers comb through his slightly damp hair. He’s warm to the touch, his body heat cancelling out the chill that’s brought with the stormy weather.

The overall atmosphere is soothing, even when the rain begins to get heavy as Kuroo’s hands wander over your body. His fingers eventually find your own with gentle caresses and the occasional kiss to your knuckles. 

Your eyes trail down to look at Kuroo who no longer seems preoccupied with the movie, instead he watches as the droplets fall.

“Hey y/n, you see that drop?”

“Yeah why?”

“I bet it could fall to the bottom of the window faster than all the others.”

“Bet!”

Somehow he’s right, even after the second, third and fourth round of the droplet race. And each time he wins he gets more and more smug, shooting you a sly grin that’s just begging for a slap.

“I guess I just can’t help that I’m such a winner- even if it’s something as frivolous as this.”

But as the night draws on, the rain makes something click in Kuroo, and suddenly he feels so soft. Maybe it’s the way you run your hands through his untamable hair, or the gentle touches you leave against his skin, but he feels unbelievably warm.

In this moment the rain nor the movie that has yet to end piques his interest. Instead his eyes focus on you.

He observes your features and the little things you do which in turn cause his heart to swell with the utmost adoration. He snuggles closer, his grip getting tighter ever so slightly.

“y/n… I love you.”

“Ehhh, who are you and what did you do with my Tetsu.”

“Hey- I’m being serious, I really do love you. With all my heart”

“I love you too Tetsu, don’t you ever forget that.”

Your finger’s lace themselves together with Nishinoya’s as you walk back home, the school day is finally over and for once he didn’t have practice on the count of the gym being used for other purposes today. 

However about halfway there, the sky begins to grow gray. Your conversation halts, a frown forming on your features.

“Well that can’t be good. I think it’s about to rain… And I didn’t bring my umbrella.”

“It’s okay y/n, I think we’ll be just fine!”

And despite the threat of rainfall, the reassuring grin on Nishinoya’s face sets you at ease, his presence immediately enough to cheer you up. 

So with hurried steps the two of you rush home (well it’s kinda more like he’s dragging you and you try to keep up because he’s pretty fast).

But despite your efforts at escaping the rain, they end up being pretty fruitless as the rain begins to fall before the two of you can get to your destination, resulting in both of you crowding together under the rooftop of a small family shop.

“Aw… Great, at this rate we’ll be stuck here forever.”

“Well- y/n I guess if you’re willing to take a risk we could get home in no time.”

At the mention of this said risk you’ve grown immediately suspicious. Nishinoya has always been what some may call a “wild child”. But he’s also someone who's trustworthy, and you have no doubt that he wouldn’t put you in a situation that would be dangerous.

“Okay Yuu, I guess whatever you have planned can’t be awful.”

“Let’s run through the rain. Your house is closer so we should be able to make it there in no time.”

At his suggestion you can only stare at him. It’s crazy but he does have a point- Neither of you know when the rain will stop anyway.

“...Fine”

So with your confirmation he takes off his jacket wrapping it around you as he grabs your hand, and drags you out into the rain, the widest grin on his face as the water begins to seep through his clothes and hair. His laugh fills the air as the two of you run through the empty streets.

By the time you get home you’re soaking wet, but even so you don’t go inside. Instead you stay out with him, jumping in puddles and playing games of chase through the streets like young children.

Your laughter can be heard throughout the neighborhood, as Nishinoya dashes through a series of puddles to get to you.

“Hey y/n!”

“Yes Yuu?”

“I love you!”

“-I love you too!”

And by the time the two of you finally decide to go inside, sopping wet, but wide happy grins on your faces, he pulls you into a hug.

“You make me the happiest y/n, I hope you know that.”

Needless to say the rest of the storm is spent cuddling close together trying to get warm.

“Hey Yuu- you make me the happiest too.”

Akaashi is well aware of the forecast for today. It’s a part of his morning ritual to check the weather before he starts the day- just in case. And as a result he is always prepared.

So after school and practice, when the clouds begin to roll in, he immediately pulls out his umbrella. And though he’s not a particularly touchy person he keeps you close, not wanting you to catch an illness from the cold weather. 

As the driver pulls up because in my head Akaashi is from a well off family he guides you into the car, making sure to keep you warm because he likes to show his affection and care through simple gestures.

Once the two of you get to his home, Akaashi makes sure to take care of you first before going to freshen up. He’ll brew you a warm cup of tea and set you up with a lot of blankets and pillows on his bed, maybe even put on a movie or a show if you want. 

And when he does come back from his shower, he’s immediately under the covers with you, his eyes catching the falling droplets of water. 

He’s always liked the rain, even as a child. There was something so calming and peaceful about the scent that came with it, and the gentle patter of it on the window panes. He wasn’t messy when he was young, but he did love walking in puddles, and despite having grown out of it by high school, his admiration for storms never truly ceased even with age.

So even if you aren’t paying attention to the way it falls like he is, he’s glad that he gets to share this moment with you, huddled under a shared blanket basking in each other’s warmth.

He’ll even go as far as grasping your hand under the blankets, bringing to his lips in a gentle kiss.

We all know Akaashi isn’t really one for words, so sweet moments like this are often quiet and peaceful, filled with small and soft touches along one another’s skin.

Eventually though, you two do end up snuggled together, bodies tangled and fingers intertwined as you listen to the sound of the rainfall, he’ll press kisses to the crown of your head as his fingers wander along the small of your back.

“Thank you for sharing this rainy day with me y/n.”

“Of course Keiji, I love you.”

“I love you too.”

It’s moments like this he cherishes the most. Where it’s tranquil, and just the two of you, there are no words that need to be said to convey how much he loves and appreciates you. Only little tentative touches of affection.

For him it’s the little things that count the most.

The gentle patter of rain begins in the middle of your study session with Yamaguchi.  The water trickling harshly against the windows as the night gets later indicating that the end of this storm is nowhere in sight.

“Getting home is going to be difficult…”

“- Ah, don’t be silly y/n, I couldn’t possibly let you leave in weather like this. Why don’t you stay the night?”

His words send a flare to your cheeks. It hasn’t been long since the two of you have made it official, and while you’re both comfortable with one another, this was a new step in your relationship. 

And while Yamaguchi is just as shy about the whole ordeal, he also doesn’t want you to catch a cold in this harsh weather.

“Okay Tadashi, I’ll stay.”

The night progresses slowly, a gentle calming atmosphere as you snuggle closely into one of Yamaguchi’s old sweaters that he had lent you. 

He thinks you look cute, cuddling close to his clothes. Yamaguchi is someone with a soft heart, and little things like this turn him to mush, especially if it’s in regards to you.

If you’re still cold he’ll  bring you a cup of tea or some other warm beverage to keep you from freezing, even offering his favorite blanket and fuzzy socks because I don’t doubt that he has a collection

His touches are a little shy and unsure, but throughout the night he does eventually find his way into your arms, holding you close as you talk, the rain falling into the back of your minds as white noise.

“And then Hinata threw up in Tanaka’s lap.”

“Poor Hinata…”

When it comes to people he cares about Yamaguchi is someone who’ll be very observant, he’ll pick up on the slightest of changes and learn that person like the back of his hand. 

So as he watches every expression you make, every little gesture, and quirk, he begins to realize that this is it. This is where he wants to be for the rest of your lives. In your arms nestled close together through the calm and the storms. He realizes that he’s truly and deeply in love with you.

And the mere thought makes his heart pound in his chest at a rate of 100mph. The sound thundering in his ears so loudly and dauntingly that it makes his stomach churn, and his mind drift away.

“Tadashi?”

The sound of your voice breaks his trance, and he looks at you with the most nervous smile, only to be met with your much more reassuring one. And with his cheeks the brightest shade of red, he’ll blurt three magical words for the first time.

“I love you y/n!”

“... I love you too Tadashi.”

[x0401x]

Given the Movie: Web Newtype Interview

Depicting the immature romance of the adult trio! Interview with Nakazawa Masatomo, Eguchi Takuya and Asanuma Shintarou about “Given the Movie”.

“Given” has gathered attention due to being the first BL comic that Noitamina adapted into anime. If one attempted to open the lid and take a look at it, they would find it was a youthful drama that sensibly portrays the growth of bandmates, which could be enjoyed regardless of age or gender. In the TV anime, the main focus was on the high school characters Satou Mafuyu and Uenoyama Ritsuka, and a teenage-like heat and freshness were the charm of it, but in the movie, the main focus is on Nakayama Haruki, Kaji Akihiko and the violinist Murata Ugetsu. It depicts the nature of the adults’ relationships, which was not in the TV anime. Here, we had Nakazawa Masatomo, who plays Nakayama Haruki, Eguchi Takuya, who plays Kaji Akihiko, and Asanuma Shintarou, who plays Murata Ugetsu, discuss about the movie’s appeal.

——Please tell us how you felt when the theatrical adaptation was green-lit and you found out that you would play the main roles.

Nakazawa: I was both happy and surprised. I had heard that the anime would only have one 11-episode cour, so I imagined that it would end at the first live concert scene, and just when I was thinking that people were supposed to look forward to seeing the trio’s story in the original work, we received this proposal. I was overjoyed, and while listening to it, I was thinking, “So we’re going to do that scene”. *embarrassed*

Eguchi: In the TV series, we did not manage to perform their true forms, as in their realistic side, so I was purely happy that we would be able to enact what happens afterwards.

Asanuma: Just before I took part in the TV series, I heard that my character was apparently active in the movie, so I remember feeling tension at the fact that I had to perform while keeping this in mind. Nothing changed in the drama itself, but I thought that, since the sound and the screen size are completely different and people would watch it in an environment so unlike watching at home, I should be conscious of thinking it out by matching all of that.

——Please tell us your impressions regarding the nature of Akihiko and Ugetsu’s relationship.

Nakazawa: The timing in which Akihiko became serious about music – but a genius appeared and crushed him – and the one in which he fell in love happened at the same moment. For Ugetsu, too, the instant in which he fell in love was the same as the one in which he decided that he wanted to focus more on his beloved music, and this was where things began to turn sour, I guess. I watched while thinking that it must be hard to start from there.

Eguchi: Akihiko and Ugetsu are such adults, so warped. They aren’t dating even though they like each other, and despite having no idea what awaits them in the future, they’re living together and leading their daily lives with one another anyhow... It’s outrageous, but in contrast, it’s shrewd. *laughs* Still, what the feeling of wanting to be with someone means is complicated. But I felt emotion in that and I liked it. Feels like their days are made of glass and seem easily breakable.

Asanuma: On my own accord, I refer to this work as “usuhari” (a particularly thin type of glass). It feels like it’ll fall apart if you aren’t careful with how you handle it... I’m always being told this a lot so it’s embarrassing to say it now, but there’s the saying “you don’t do love, you fall into it”, right? It feels like these two have exactly that kind of relationship, and even then, they had no motive to get it together, so it gives you the feeling that they’re always searching for a reason to be drawn to each other, as well as to let go of each other. But even when they think, “This is it”, they set the reason aside... so I’m sure that they indeed “fell”.

——How about Haruki and Akihiko?

Nakazawa: I think the fact that Haruki gave special attention to Akihiko must have become an obstacle. Akihiko, too, was hiding a part of himself, either knowingly or not, like, “Haruki would probably hate me if he saw this”. He must have feared that their bond would have no fixing if it ever broke. I have the impression that their romance doesn’t move forward because they think of each other as special.

Eguchi: I simply thought... “Haruki has it hard, huh”.

Nakazawa: *bursts into laughter*

Eguchi: He keeps shouldering a love that he doesn’t sort out, and most likely, he catches onto the feeling that Haruki favors him, which I believe has turned into comfort for him and he basks on it. That’s an unfair side of him, but Haruki accepts it too... I think this would be all right if their relationship was of bandmates, but since romantic love comes into the scene, it gets difficult. Akihiko is doing all he can in his own way, but in seeing it from Haruki’s eyes, there’s also inertia in him, and since people have many sides, it all gets tangled in an even more complex way.

Asanuma: There’s one amongst Haruki and Akihiko’s scenes that makes me think, “Ah, I wish I was in it too”. In this painful story, which is sometimes intense and feels like it’s going to break, this scene between Haruki and Akihiko became somewhat of a salvation. Also, I felt that when Haruki said, “Leave me alone”, he actually didn’t want Akihiko to go away, yet when Ugetsu said, “Leave me alone”, it was when he really did want Akihiko to go away. *laughs* I thought these two polar opposites were interesting.

——From Mafuyu, who confessed on his own, to Haruki, who was always hiding his feelings, each of the characters experiences a different type of romantic love. Which character to you sympathize with the most?

Asanuma: The only one I could be is Haruki. I’m the type who feels complexed and raises the flag too early. *laughs* But when it comes to sympathy, they all have a side of them that I can sympathize with.

Nakazawa: *nodding* There’s nothing impossible in this series. The way they love and the agony of it is realistic, and i want all the love stories to become happy ones, to tell them all that they don’t have to suffer... but amongst them, I guess the one I can personally relate to is Haruki. But I can also understand Ugetsu’s feeling of wanting something to remain in the end and Akihiko’s impulse to break him, and I think one of the characteristics of “Given” is that none of them can be said to fit the mold.

Eguchi: I want to be Akihiko. I think he’s wonderful because he ends up at a point where he’s “seeking people”. He has this conflict because he’s trying to find some sort of truth by pursuing someone, and he’s got a way of protecting himself that could be considered unfair, yet he’s forgiven because of it... That’s nice. *laughs*

Asanuma: When it comes to which of them is more human, it’s most likely Akihiko.

——Please leave a message to the fans who had been waiting for the movie’s release.

Asanuma: I described it as “usuhari” earlier, because this sort of series is just that delicate and perilous, and when things do break, it’s sharp yet beautiful – the kind of work you want to look at forever. When people write about romance in fiction, there’s a huge drama and absurdly shocking things tend to happen, but this series is full of things that, if they happened anywhere near you, it wouldn’t be strange, yet even in the middle of all this, there are several scenes where emotions are portrayed down to their detailed bits. I hope people can love it deeply, along with the music they play.

Nakazawa: In the TV anime, regarding each of the so-called adult group’s three people, it was said that Akihiko was the “older brother figure”, Haruki was the “nice person” and Ugetsu was the “genius” or the “mysterious guy”. But in the movie, you can see that Akihiko is someone who has an older brother-like attitude, Haruki is someone who talks and acts like a good person and Ugetsu is someone who has a raging love for music deep down. There’s a grown-up side to them in the way that the high school duo sees it, and it’s realistic that the adults choose it and go along with it. I hope everyone can enjoy the different ways of watching it as it went from TV anime to movie.

Eguchi: We’ve made something good, so I’m filled to the brim with the wish that people watch it by any means. Even when the animation was still not ready, there were many scenes that struck home. I think there’s a part of it that can move people’s hearts not just from the romantic aspect but also as human beings. I wonder which parts will move my heart... I believe these works are mirrors that reflect myself. “Given” is a series that has many such mirrors in this sense.

Asanuma: *whispers something into Eguchi-san’s ear*

Eguchi: There aren’t just four yearly seasons. There aren’t just four emotions either. It makes you think that there are many sorts of feelings... *laughs*

Asanuma: He said everything I wanted to say! *laughs* The rainy season was added to the four seasons of the year. Along with this, many kinds of emotions that aren’t limited to joy, anger, grief and pleasure are depicted in it.

Nakazawa: Ones with a high “humidity level” at that. Movies sure are good. *laughs*

Eguchi: Please watch it in the theaters!

[gretavanfleetposts]

hiya! congrats on 300 followers, it's absolutely deserved <3 i was wondering if i could request a ship? i love how detailed you make them, they're always so lovely

my name is léna (she/they), i'm queer and a capricorn :) i'm 5'2 with blue eyes and jaw length curly blonde hair. i'm a linguistics major with a minor in queer/gender studies (i also studied music psych and history of art in the past, which i'm still very interested in)

i'm an ambivert, i love being with my friends and partying but always need some quiet/alone time to recharge. my add sometimes makes it hard for me to stay comfortable in social situations, as i can stim a lot and get severe touch and sound sensory overload and it's very tiring

my favourite books have to be one last stop, the heartstopper series, and the picture of dorian gray! my go-to movies will always be tangled, lotr/the hobbit, and howl's moving castle :)

my brother and i were raised on rock by our parents so my pick-me-up song is don't stop me now by queen, and i listen to so many different genres my shuffle always gives me the weirdest mixes

in my free time i play the guitar and sing, bake a lot of gluten free stuff, read/write stories, and go to museums or hang out with my best friends at cafés <3 when i'm back home from uni for summer and christmas i work at my local bookstore!

my ultimate favourite pieces of clothing have to be my thrifted oversize jean jacket and my doc martens, can't go anywhere without them

i have three cats that i miss dearly and absolutely cannot keep a plant alive, no matter what kind it is

sorry that this turned out to be so long, i hope that's ok! take care <3

Hey gorgeous!

❤: First of all, you sound so smart. You talked about like 4 different things in regards to your schooling and each one sounded impressive. You seem like you're very open to learning which is always a good thing. I love your movie taste; you seem like the perfect person to marathon LOTR with. And honestly it sounds like there's nothing you're not good at?? Talk about talented. Also I wish I worked at a bookstore. You're out here living the dream. Not to mention, you've broken in Doc Martens which is truly the most impressive part of all of this.

Ship: Jake

Because: You and Jake would instantly bond over rock music, obviously. But you also have so many other interests that scream Jake in my opinion. You guys would play the guitar together, you'd read together, you'd have crazy loud nights with his band mates and then go home and recharge together. I can see him popping into the bookstore you work at to surprise you while he's home for the holidays, too, which would probably be the best surprise ever.

Scenario:

Christmas in your town was usually one of your favorite times of the year

The town was strung up with lights and wreaths and garland; it looked like something out of a Hallmark movie

The bookstore you worked at over the holiday season was especially festive this time of year, decorations gracing practically every open surface

Normally as you bustled about the store, you'd be filled with excitement about Christmas but this year, all you could think about was the boy that was with his family in Michigan and once again too far away from you

It felt like Jake had just gotten done touring when he jetted back home to his family and of course, you understood. You wanted him to be there with them. But you hadn't seen him in almost two months and it was starting to get to you

He did promise he would come see you after the holidays so you were trying to keep your mind focused on that as you organized the books on the shelf in front of you

The day eased on slowly despite how busy the store was throughout the morning and by late afternoon when the sun was already casting golden shadows through the store windows, there was a lull in customers

You meandered around the tight aisles of books, looking for covers to tidy to busy your hands

You heard the bell of the front door as it swung open and the footsteps of a customer as they entered but continued what you were doing when you heard your coworker greet them

Noticing a book out of place, you had just plucked it from the shelf when you heard the voice of the customer speaking to the coworker that had greeted them muffled from somewhere within the store

It couldn't be him

It sure sounded like him, though

You wove through the aisles, trying to locate where the talking was coming from when suddenly it grew quiet

You stood there amongst the books for a moment, silently wondering if you were going crazy or not, when a voice came from directly behind you

"Excuse me, miss, but I believe the other clerk said you'd be able to help me find a certain book?"

You spun around fast. It was Jake

The book in your hand dropped to the ground as you practically jumped into his arms and threw your own around his neck, an excited squeal escaping your lips

You felt a laugh resonate through him as he placed your feet back on the floor

He explained that he couldn't wait any longer to see you so he planned to spend Christmas with you and your family and then whisk you away to Christmas with his family

And truly you couldn't be more delighted to accompany him

I'm so happy you like our ships! Thank you for the request!

-⭐

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