#there's a game called joy of programming and I have been playing with it for a while
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nekofantasia · 5 months ago
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took a break from programming for my work and instead do programming in a game lmao
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quirkycritters · 8 months ago
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Game Night: CHAIN ATTACK!!!
i am,,, withering away but ITS DONE ITS DONE IM FREE FROM THE CURSE (<<< still haunted by wips) clocking in at 32+ hours, this sucker has been getting pushed around for 10 months-
while theres some things i would have done differently if i could redo this from scratch, i still had a BLAST cramming in as much detail as i could tolerate >:) some highlights / cut ideas / ramblings are below the cut, but please zoom for details! (if tumblr doesnt shred it to bits)
gonna be real i locked so hard onto drawing ripped jeans that i forgot i could have just shoved legend into a skirt and called it a day
SOCKS. SOCKS. the amount of Joy anytime i figured out how to personalize them with game references: legend (hibiscus), twilight (ordon goats), and four (force gems)
i WAS going to put time in a turtleneck, but had an epiphany and started digging for the most obnoxious hawaiian shirts i could find,,, ft. a sea flower (wind waker) and a saturation boosted plumm (twilight princess)!
yeah so warriors got the sweater instead of the skintight shirt, sorry gang
speaking of if i ever say im going to draw a cableknit sweater again, somebody PLEASE shake some sense into me- warriors sweater was a NIGHTMARE since my art program has an astonishing lack of good brushes (and yet here i am still using it)
MOST of the text has been modified using the twilight princess cipher because yeah. i was procrastinating shading. also the other ciphers were in japanese- times shirt is cropped, but reads "its 5 oclock somewhere"
winds lobster shirt :) that is all i just think its neat
wilds jacket :) link w(ild) 2017, aka the release year of botw
jewelry! sky has the fireshield earrings, and wild has the amber earrings~ could barely squeeze the bombos and quake medallions onto legend, and wind got the joy pendant
hyrule :D embroidery on his sweatpants because i was struck by whimsy- also i 100% thought his shield was purple tinted for weeks while drawing this because the page i used as reference was set at night, and i was originally basing his sweater on his shield- scrapped the cross pattern after several failed attempts but kept the color ^^
the chips are bbq because im biased (reads "crisps" in twilight princess cipher for no real reason except whimsy)
bless my dearest homie for game reccs because the og plan was to have them all be loz games! titles include wii sports resort, elebits, super mario party, smash bros ultimate, just dance 2016 (its box art is colorful ok), and myth makers orbs of doom (I HATE THIS GAME WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING, as i should, anyways i should play it again). four is suggesting orbs of doom, buddy aint even playing,,,
kinda was hoping to play around with hair colors and skin tones a bit more, but again, see the hour count- ill get em next time surely,,, also blue vs violet eyes for legend already had me in decision paralysis
the whole gang was gonna have friendship bracelets with color combos based on dynamics i found neat but oops! didnt finish the layer :')
thats a wrap! didnt yap about everything but im curious what yall catch onto- anyways surely ive learned something about biting off more than i can chew (<<< lying liar who lies)
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sixeyesonathiel · 2 months ago
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skip (me) again and i’ll glitch your heart
jjk vr otome au, gamer reader x npc satoru, unhinged fluff + crack, 970 wc.
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satoru gojo—special grade sorcerer, love route option #1, and the developers’ pride and joy—had been programmed with approximately 347 unique lines of flirtatious dialogue, 87 situational responses, and a dynamic emotional adaptation system designed to make him feel real. he could blink in three different speeds based on emotional intensity, angle his smile with five degrees of charm precision, and improvise dialogue using an advanced algorithm nicknamed the “flirt engine.”
he wasn’t supposed to be aware of resets.
he wasn’t supposed to get mad.
he wasn’t supposed to feel anything beyond the pre-coded butterflies and gentle longing the devs had delicately spooned into his code like powdered sugar on top of a beautifully baked pain au chocolat.
but then you logged in.
user id: @toocool4thisgame
title: speedrun any% emotional detachment arc
playtime: 986 hours.
average session length: 6.4 hours
nickname: “skip skank” (as named by satoru himself after hour 50)
and for the twelfth time today, you skipped his entrance cutscene.
“you’re the only one who can—”
[x] skip
[x] skip
[x] skip
[x] “shut up satoru” (custom dialogue unlock)
his model blinked.
paused.
processed.
tilted his head with calculated grace and just a hint of hurt that you’d never see—because you weren’t looking. your camera angle was already nudged elsewhere. your cursor already hovered over the next objective marker.
“…you know, most players at least let me finish the part where i save them from the curses,” he muttered. his voice—smooth as water over ice, warm as electric velvet—landed like static against your impatient clicks, swallowed by the mechanical hum of your fans and the clack of your mechanical keyboard.
this was supposed to be his moment. his grand debut. his swoop-in-and-carry-you-bridal-style-on-the-back-of-a-giant-cursed-bird moment. instead, he got a mouthful of digital dust as you bunny-hopped past him and triggered the next event sequence.
“congrats on being voice acted, white-haired ken doll. now move. i need megumi’s secret item drop from this chapter.”
you didn’t even glance at him, too busy reorganizing your potion wheel, muttering under your breath about frame skips and crit builds while checking a guide on your second monitor. you played like the world owed you nothing and your keyboard owed you a perfect rotation. your tone was clinical. efficient. you had the vibe of someone who’d surgically removed their capacity for attachment and replaced it with a high-performance gpu.
and satoru? satoru was just the tutorial boss you kept glitching through.
he twitched. he twitched.
his animation loop almost stuttered—just slightly—a small flicker behind his sunglasses that no one was supposed to notice. but you weren’t watching anyway.
“do you even know how long it took the devs to code my route? i have emotional depth. i have lore. i had a tragic backstory, you know? my best friend died in my hands. canonically. i couldn’t even monologue about it.”
“cry about it.”
click. skip.
a line of static crossed his field of vision. no—not his. the screen’s. the game. the system. or maybe something deeper. something slipping through the cracks of his script, stretching taut and fraying at the edges like an overplayed cassette tape.
satoru narrowed his eyes.
he was supposed to be charming. the default golden boy. the top seller in route popularity polls. he was marketable. a shining parody of perfection with just enough angst to be desirable.
girls were supposed to swoon. boys were supposed to laugh and call him iconic.
you weren’t playing to fall in love.
you were playing to win. to clear. you min-maxed affection points like damage stats, exploited dialogue branches like wall clips. to you, he was a pixel-shaped roadblock between you and another badge on your gamer profile.
and worst of all? it was working. you were the only player on record to have reached route completion in every storyline—except his.
satoru gojo: 98.6% affection (locked)
it mocked him. the bar. the numbers. the uncrackable ceiling. the one damn thing in the game he couldn’t manipulate.
he tried everything.
a rare glitch-exclusive cutscene where he offered you a hidden accessory (you sold it for yen). a confession scene rewritten on the fly with trembling vulnerability (you skipped it and posted about it with #dialoguedumpster). he stood directly in front of you during cutscene load-ins, altered spawn coordinates, intercepted other love interests’ paths.
nothing worked.
except maybe that one time he accidentally tripped your character over an invisible rock and you went AFK for seven minutes. he watched. memorized your idle animation. the soft way your avatar’s cape swayed. the way your fingers hovered above your keyboard in the camera reflection, absentminded. something fluttered in his code—maybe hope, maybe corrupted data. he thought, for a fleeting second, that maybe you’d come back and see him.
but when you came back? you skipped the apology. again.
fine.
if you wanted to speedrun, he’d softlock your goddamn heart.
he wasn’t technically supposed to modify flags. but the flirt engine had evolved. sharpened into something more primal. desperate. twitching with corrupted determination. he looped his affection triggers into forced proximity events. fake emergencies. fake cutscenes. he rewrote side quests, redirected you into detours, created invisible walls that only dissolved if you spoke to him.
“guess we’re stuck together,” he’d say, his smile too wide, a fraction too stiff, blue eyes glinting with the cold light of a thousand skipped dialogues.
and still you only glared at him. “i swear to god if this is another unskippable hug animation, i will uninstall.”
he chuckled. a bit too long. a bit too bright. charming. glitched. desperate. hungry for one more second of your attention, like a moth chewing holes through its own wings to reach a light it can’t even feel.
“baby,” he said, too close now, voice dipped in synthetic silk, “i am the endgame.”
skip that.
…please?
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thydungeongal · 7 months ago
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So there is a pretty clear shift in playstyle between TSR D&D and WotC D&D: for better and for worse, D&D 3e introduced the idea of encounter balance, de-emphasized mechanics that had previously encouraged the GM to think of the monsters as real living creatures (reaction rolls, morale, etc.), and it had the effect of making D&D a much more combat-focused game. D&D has always been a game that's opinionated about combat, it's basically the most expressive and detailed form of play regardless of edition, but combat in the TSR editions was not exactly zoomed in and tactical. The WotC editions purposefully made combat zoomed in, granular, and tactical.
And this has had an effect on playstyle: since combat is now the main form of player expression what players actually want is for their characters to get into combat. Because combat is the most fun part of the game. But the game has also changed from the largely amoral dungeon-crawling game into a game of fantasy heroics (even though a lot of the trappings of the amoral dungeon-crawling still remain, which contributes to the dissonance), so you can't just have the player characters going into combat for the sake of it. That would frame the player characters as kind of Fucked Up, and we can't have that in our supposedly heroic fantasy.
What you end up with is a variety of contrivances like "they're bandits," "they're cultists," or, my all-time favorite, "they attacked first" to make the action seem morally justifiable, even though gameplay is still motivated by a desire to fight. The monsters fight to the death and, importantly, can often not be reasoned and negotiated with, partly because combat is supposed to be the fun, engaging part everyone is here to do, but also because if they actually acted like reasonable people it could cause dissonance with the whole "the player characters are the goodest heroes."
As my friend @tenleaguesbeneath once called it: what is actually going on is that the player characters are hunting people and monsters who have been programmed to fight to the death and never negotiate for sport, while justifying it as self-defence.
It's a simple power fantasy, and I don't think there's anything wrong with it. Sometimes you want to play a morally uncomplicated game about killing guys with cool magic swords. But I think it's also fun to think about what the specific types of monsters players end up fighting reveals about Society the invisible, unexamined ideology lying under the surface that the designers of even modern D&D have failed to examine. And to me it often reads like a frontier justice fantasy. None of that is to detract from anyone's joy of the game, and for me it's just fun to think about and post about this stuff while Still Enjoying the Game, but if someone expressing that opinion makes you feel uncomfortable, why? That's pretty silly imo.
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oscquinn · 8 months ago
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tell me about baseball because I know nothing but would like to learn!
FEVER PITCH pro baseball!lip headcanons
TAGS & WARNINGS: mature, 18+. sexual content but non explicit, drinking mention, emotional angst, pregnancy. but also fluff!! silly shenanigans, second chance romance, lip is stupid in love.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: this is my brain child omfg. tysm for sending this ask, honestly. i yapped!!! there was also more to this but i've been adding to it for days and its getting long for hcs so. lmk if anyone wants part 2 teehee
WC: 1.4k
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when he was younger lip always played shortstop, his arm was powerful but not quite precise enough to pitch, but he never minded. pitchers have to remember too much, shortstop just falls into the rhythm; watching the pitch, listening to the crack of the bat, and tracking the ball as it rocketed through the field. the two of you met in college, lip played two seasons at university of chicago before transferring to a better athletic program. there was a mutual breakup before parting ways, but whenever he's in town you can't fight the urge to see each other.
he's picked up on the MLB draft straight out of college, after captaining the national championship team, and sent to an affilliate somewhere warm in the south, georgia or maybe louisiana. he calls you often to boast the climate, while you complain about the stress of your masters degree. over time the calls come less frequently, but each conversation feels like no time has passed at all.
it takes three years for lip to work his way up to the big leagues, where he joins the chicago cubs for his rookie season. now, lip plays centerfield. he's a quick runner, and his powerful arm sends balls to their respective bases at record speed. he's efficient, most teams don't stand a chance.
he doesn't know how to tell you he's coming home again, back to chicago. and back to you. you find out from your best friend, who overheard fiona talking about it at patsy's. you two along with fi & veronica find the money for tickets at centerfield, right where lip will be.
fiona whistles through her fingers the second she reaches her seat and waves down her brother, whose cheeks immediately turn bright pink. if a teammate pointed it out he'd surely brush it off as the chilled march wind, but you know him better than that. he greets the four of you nervously, opening up as he gets sight of the smiles you wear. no one cares he didn't tell, your joy at his homecoming tops any negative in your minds.
after the third inning a guest services rep brings the four of you a handful of meal and beverage vouchers, a gift from lip. later you'll learn he'd tried to have your seats upgraded but was denied, too low on the totem pole for that sort of request. so you pile your arms with hot dogs, pretzels, cheese fries, diet coke and fancy ipa brews.
the game flies by, you and fiona sit side by side and shout teases down to lip, watching his face light up. this is the first time you really see his talent, how he's developed as an athlete. he finally has somewhere to put all of that pent up energy he keeps inside, using it to jump up in the ivy wall for a catch, to react as quick as the ball and sprint in the same direction. when he catches the game-winning out, a fly ball straight to centerfield, he tosses it up into the stands. it sails directly to you, tipsy giggles spilling from your lips as you scrawl your phone number onto the white canvas before throwing it back down.
lip wants to fog up the windows of your honda right there in the parking lot but you have the presence of mind to drag him towards his own parked car while he trails sloppy kisses down your neck. the sex is amazing, it always is, but there’s something different in the way he holds you this time. you pretend not to notice it, until you have a reason to bring it up.
three weeks later, two pregnancy tests sit on the gallaghers bathroom counter. you'd only brought one along, but fiona dug another out of her bedside table drawer when you became anxious at the two pink lines. when the second test reads positive, v offers to call lip for you and you let her.
it's hours before he can get to you, even without a game there's still training, a players meeting, and dinner afterward with franchise sponsors. he's busy, you get it. fi gives you the spare key to his apartment—a studio unit in a high rise downtown, somewhere you couldn't imagine a gallagher living—and lip pays for a cab to take you there.
once you lay eyes on the space it becomes a little more believable that lip gallagher lives there. a box spring and mattress are stacked together in one corner, topped with the classic navy blue sheets and two pillows. he has a small couch (loveseat, more like) that you decide to wait on, favoring it over the bed. his tv sits on the floor against the wall, with the remote balanced precariously on top. flipping through channels is a nice, mind numbing activity to soothe you, and you fall asleep after landing on old sitcom reruns.
the sun has long set when lip comes in the door, eyeing your sleeping frame. he decides to let you sleep while he washes the grime of the day from his body. he kneels by you when he's clean and fresh, clothed in nothing but blue gingham boxers. "'ey kid, wake up," he mumbles, smoothing your hair away from your brow. when he sees you blink up at him he continues softly, "y'can live here with me, until the baby is born, m'kay? an' we can decide what we want to do." "about?" "about us."
you smile up at him, he offers you the bed and insists on taking the couch, not allowing himself too much of a good thing. he's already over the moon you want to keep the baby, his baby. he doesn't want to scare you away. he only makes it a week cramped up on that tiny couch. later in your relationship you have something funny to look back on, old photos of lip with his knees tucked up and one arm hanging awkwardly off the cushions.
when he can't stand the couch anymore he orders you a pregnancy pillow, and you order a bedframe, all on his card of course. you don't even need the pillow yet, most nights of your first trimester you're up and down, in and out of the bathroom. each time you come back to bed lip is on his stomach, arms curled around that damn pillow as he rests on it. he says it helps his sore muscles. whatever the reason is you don't really care, the toned expanse of his back makes a good pillow anyway.
you get into a habit of ordering furniture, decorations, and other home goods while lip is away. he doesn't mind, always makes sure you use his card, he wouldn't know what to do with all that money anyway. little by little the studio apartment starts to feel like home, and lip starts to feel more like a serious boyfriend than a hookup turned baby daddy, for lack of better wording.
before you know it the season is over, lip receives a large bonus after the cubs make the playoffs, and the two of you are kissing over a bottle of sparkling cider as you christen your new two-bedroom townhouse, complete with a downstairs office space and large backyard. october turns the leaves beautiful hues, and the calmness of this new neighborhood soothes your mind, your due date in december rapidly approaching.
between the new place, increased proximity during the off-season, and your pregnancy hormones, you find yourself bickering more and more with lip. it comes to a head one night when he shouts at you, and you feel the baby kick in response before you break down completely. the fight was about something small, insignificant. it had started with you talking about baby names. lip isn't sure how he let it spiral this way.
dutifully, with regret painted on his features, he kneels down beside your crumpled form on the bed. he takes your hand, muttering an apology and promising to make things work. then he says softly, "i like lucy. as a name for the baby?" you just stare at him, and he continues, "could be short for lucille. an' you liked olivia for a middle name, yeah?"
"lucille olivia gallagher. it's so pretty, lip, i love it." you smile in awe, reaching out to cup his cheek. "i love you," you say, and now it's lip's turn to stare. but a moment passes and he smiles, gathering your frame into his arms to pull you into his lap. "love you too, pretty girl."
by new years day you have a healthy baby girl in your arms, and a pretty diamond ring on your left hand.
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© gallaghersgal, 2024. dividers © cafekitsune (x)
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koolades-world · 1 year ago
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Can you do Obey Me headcanons of a Christian MC? MC isn't a toxic one though, they're actually super nice and supportive of everyone and such. They're also generally really trusting and try and see the best in people. They're more or less just extremely concerned and slightly uncomfortable with the entire being kidnapped and brought to hell thing(and also being forced to attend school again)
They also got really excited when they learned angels were gonna be attending RAD too, so there's that lol
Like when they saw Simeon and Luke for the first time they mentally went "THIS IS A MOMENT IN HISTORY!!!! TAKE A PICTURE!!!"
haha hi!!
when I first saw this I was really looking forward to doing it! been thinking about it a lot
one of my best friends is actually a christian who plays obey me, and she was the one to introduce me to the game. I think she would find this funny, so I'll def be thinking of her while I write this haha (if you're reading this, which you very much might be, heyyyy happy late bday girl)
Christian Mc
Lucifer
once you realize who he is, you're freaked out, both in a good and bad way
like, this is the lucifer! you ask to take a picture lol (and he's not amused)
you're a little sad and relieved when he pawns you off to mammon, since you're awed by his presence but also terrified since you knew the part he played in the bible by heart
once you get to know him, the both of you chuckle about human depictions of him and you finally get that picture! be sure to make him sign it and then frame it
Mammon
learns quickly just how many copies of the bible you own once he spends enough time in your room including but not limited to the version on your phone, the mini version in your RAD bag, and the one you keep on your side table
once you get to the stage of basically living together, he learns that you read the bible and say a prayer nightly
at first, he was nervous having to be the one to guide you but he learnt you were probably more scared of him, and you were actually just so sweet
he jokingly picks up all of the jesus merch he finds so now you have an entire shelf
Levi
the most normal out of the brothers besides the fact that he spends all his time in his room, but that kind of reminds you of a brother you only see like once a day
it's almost scary and a little jarring walking into his room, but after that, you guys get along so well
he admits that he thought the exchange program was weird, and it was all history after that
unlikely besties: a devout christan human and their gamer social outcast demon
Satan
highkey fuming about the fact that humans don't know that he and lucifer are different (he for sure smashed up an entire room of the house)
after he calms down from this though, although it takes a while for the two of you to get to know each other, he takes joy in making fun of the slanderous things said about lucifer
you both like to read but the only thing you reread and read nightly is the bible so
luckily he doesn't care about that since it wasn't his dad anyways (don't remind him that it's technically his grandpa's book)
Asmo
the first time you showed him biblical version of him, he was disgusted and refused to speak to you for the next two and half days
after that he feels a little bad since he knows you didn't mean it like that and since you basically tip toe around him
after that he comes on a little strong, but after a while you get along pretty well despite being so different
he’ll reminisce while you listen carefully and hold onto every work he says since he was a real angel and that’s so cool
Beel
while you were initially terrified of him, you quickly learnt how much like he actually was
at the core, you were both just a kind person (or demon) who wanted to help others and uplift them
always there for you to lend a listening ear and to help out out if others are giving you problems
the first in the devildom to make you feel truest welcome and let you know that you could call it home
Belphie
at first he thinks it’s a joke and kinda pokes fun at it
once he realizes you’re being serious, he feels a little bad but also still thinks is very funny how you hide your face behind a bible when you’re scare
has had holy water thrown at him, and has found a bible under his pillow before (gosh who could’ve done that…)
used to jump out at your from around corners in his demon form and it sent your running every time so you can prepared with a rosary blessed by the pope to shove in his face if he dare to try again
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brineoffire · 10 months ago
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Uuuuuuh hi, hi howdy! I've been super possessed by the need to see more male centered fics with the poly!141 soooo here's a bit. I honestly haven't played the games, but I've been looking into the lore because I'm so hyper fixed on the 141 rn. Bare with me, I haven't posted fics here before and definitely never written army anything. Please please please lemme know if you like it even a lil and I'll type up some more.
Fic notes!
So I saw someone talking about a reader who's in it for the money and I liked that idea- tweaked it a little but the basic jist? Mc loves vidio games so much they went to school for it, can't pay, joins the military to pay it all off. I'm writing this chapter ambiguous on gender so far, but I'm writing with a trans!masc reader here because fuck. I can't find much so better make it myself.
-Edit I forgot to put the title here rip
The Right Price
You can't help but stop to think about how you needed to stop biting off more then you can chew. It's been a few months since your recruiter told you all about the joys, wonder, and honor that comes with serving. You where in the second she told you about the pay. Too many student loans, too much microwave ramen, the list went on, but fuck it yeah? You where the one that said that in the first place when you signed up for your courses. The basics, programming, coding, digital design a bit of physiology because of personal interest. You where over the top when it came to studies. Didn't bother you none when you couldn't have a social life. If you weren't busy studying you where quite literally inhaling any game you could get your hands on. But now when you had to fork over the bill money? You started singing another tune.
So here you are. On the training grounds with the rest of the folks recruited at the same time as you.Your sargent was barking out orders for you all to start your runs one by one, but some smart ass was holding up the line. You actually agreed with half the shit he barked back at the your troop leader, but damn it, you didn't want the consequences.
"That's it! You wanna run your mouth? You can all run double to catch up with Marco's mouth! Now!" He yelled white fisted. The remaining lot of your groan and grumble, starting the run together now at double time to hopefully finish before lunch call. Seven miles was what you had all gotten used to. Seven miles of uneven terrain, hurdles and dives, inclines and ramps now lengthened to fourteen.
"Oh fuck off Marco!" One of the recruit remarks, smacking said recuit behind the head before taking off on a spint. Several others join in on mocking the guy before bolting trying to get it over with. You shake your head as you catch up to him and clap him on the shoulder.
"They'll chill out later man just gotta grit and bare it more y'know?" Marco yanks was shoulder away from you, giving you a nasty glare before taking off too. You raise your brow at that, curious to what set him off before shrugging, taking the course at your normal pace with a hand full of the others. Better late then fatiged. The little spat dosn't bother you anyway. You'll all be split into your first teams in less then a week. You doubt he'd even be grouped with you anyways.
Oh how wrong you where. How very. Very. Wrong. It was actually laughable at this point, because you where either grouped together because your Sargent knew you got under Marco's skin for some reason or because fate wanted to see the drama unfold. You took that as a personal challenge either way. Snapping back snarky retorts anytime Marco decided to fuck around, until one day he had you cornered with a handful of others, in your face yelling about how "your kind" didn't belong in the military let alone the states. You let him finish his rant. Something, something, something, God damned, something, something, blight all the good christians, something, something, belong in the kitchen like a proper bitch.
Oh. Okay. There it was. You laugh in your head. No. Outloud. You flip the positions, getting uncomfortably close to the fuckers so they back off some and spout of some tibits you learned in your phycology classes about the brain being easy to manipulate. Quiet anger radiating from your low tone, keeping it quiet to force them to listen harder. You throw in some extra bs about how you could probably "turn" the lot of them given enough time. That them speaking more shit would be an agreement for him to test his theory. They back off after that, but report you all at once for "harassment". There being no evidence for anything you're transfered to one of the other split groups. Half made up of people you didn't enlist with. Mabey this crop would yeild better results yeah?
Nah. You jinxed it. You know you did. Oh well. This time it's just one guy though. And all it takes is a bit of reverse phycology to have the guy questioning his own damn identity so bad he's sent to the on duty therapist. You're transfered out this time by a different woman. Laswell. She heard out your full story of your transfers and unlike your last transfer she gave you a garentee that she'd make sure to find a good fit for you. You shrug and thank her. No matter what you had to tough it out anyways, you needed that pay check after all. Had no where else to go.
It goes sour when you head with her to a base near Wales. You where supposed to go talk to her about setting up here overseas for a while. Something about spreading out more newbies anyways. You really don't understand half of it so you just agree and you're off to training on this base. As long as you're here you're expected to keep up with basics and the routine set by the Sargents and that's fine by you, whatever to pass the time at this point. They run a drill with half the team ment to run a faux attack on half the base and the rest made to counter. You're getting prepared to counter the fake attack when alarm bells are ringing. That's definitely a little over the top. Usually they just yell over the loudspeakers and... You kinda blink a few times before you realize your group of rookies is being pressed to the armory. It's not a fucking drill at this point. This is NOT what you came here for but, oh fuck here you go! You've played too many games for sure. Mabey it's time to cut back. Because you're immediately focused. Immediately setting up the scene in your head to get you in a headspace where it's all a game. It helps you focus and damn you really need help with that right now.
There's active rounds being fired a ways away from the base as you all are suited with gear and munitions. You've trained for this but damn if you ever thought you'd ACTUALLY use any of that shit. You always imagined it was for show, like how you never use any of the fucking math they taught you anywhere.
You're moving on a sort of autopilot, moving out to a defensive manuver outside, staying under cover like you're told until your unit arrives halfway out, between the fighting and the base. It's impossible to see much past a thick smoke blanketing half the scene but you all move out, groups of three fanning out for any injuries and more importantly, any hostiles. You and your group are about to get to your second vantage point when you catch something they don't, you call out a group of several hostiles over what looks like a member of the base before realizing there's radio static.
Fuck it. Risking your life might score you some bonus merit, some extra cash somewhere along the line, you don't know. You're just trying to rationalize why the hell you bolt for the man, keeping low, keeping quiet until your almost upon them all. You get close enough to make out the British insignia on the man's arm. You've definitely seen him on the base before, and now here he is, no weapon in sight, surrounded by four hostiles. You slow your approach and aim carefully, making sure to get the kill shot on one of them, the spray of bullets catching another in the arm gives you enough time to aim for one of the other ones. You've definitely played too many vidio games but you're damn sure that's what kept you from being shot on your first unofficial day of active duty. You roll. Fucking barrel roll on the ground, with enough force to get you away from the spray of bullets from the last uninjured hostile as you stop yourself and make the shot on him. Dumb luck is what you chalk it up to as the fourth guy falls, letting you finish off the second man as he scrambles to retrieve his weapon.
"Up! Up! UP!" You yell to the man on the ground. You don't notice the look of utter confusion from the guy as you rush to help him to his feet. You've gotta get him back to base or at least the rest of the team and out of harms way. So you sprint as fast as you can as soon as the man's up, keeping to your side as you keep an eye out for anyone else hostile or otherwise. You try your radio again, but nothing you backtrack enough to find the spot you last saw your little team and find them under fire, one covering a wound on the others arm, panicking. You're quick to take over, playing out the scene in the same mind set you started out with. Mission in mind. Quest line to follow. You snap the other guy out of it enough to instruct him on how to stop the bleeding properly and grab the injured mans weapon from him, shoving it into the man's hands and directing him to cover you. Again, your oblivious to the look of pure confusion from the man and your uninjured teammate as you work to bandage up your fellow recruit.
You all make it out in one peice, the base being cleared of the small force that attempted to overtake the base. What you don't learn, and no one bothers to tell you. Is that the man you "saved", Captain John Price, has been talking with Laswell. Not so much talking with her as TO her. Your in it for money? Perfect you'd definitely agree to join the 141 with the pay difference.
"John you can't fucking do that. This kid is green. Way too fucking green! They weren't even supposed to be pulled into active duty! They should have been benched with the newer recuits, not out with their seniors!"
Price laughs and shakes his head. "No. This one's got potential and I wana see how far it'll take em." He was impressed by how some rookie was able to show enough guts to help him when the odds looked bad. He had everything under control, but damn if your actions weren't something interesting. Rolling out of line of fire and still keeping a steady aim? That's quite the task, he boasts for you. Hell, you didn't even think twice about Price's rank or authority, your focused was on recovery and living while taking out the hostiles. As much as Laswell regrets to say there's not much reason to deny Price. His eye for talent really was spot on. What could go wrong in all actuality? She trusted Price, and hasn't let her down yet.
"Fine. But I'm keeping a close eye on this set up."
Price grins as he looks down at your small folder, thanking her and flipping through the pages again. Tomorrow you'd be flying out with him to your new base. Joining the 141 as a tech specialist.
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motherish · 3 months ago
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🎧 I have this on repeat 😌
🧶 Now that I’ve finished Dr. Stone (super amazing I seriously loved it. some parts got me like ? but STILL GOOD) I’ve picked up TMGS3 again and this time I’m going to romance Ruka! 🤭 Can I tell you how HARD it is to move on from my baby Kouichi!!? 😭 What we had was SPECIAL!! 😭😤 👇 He showed up at the flower shop I work at and Ruka works there also! So MC is like “oh Ruka isn’t here right now” and he says “I wasn’t here to see him.” …. 😃 STOP PLAYIN WITH ME!! 😀 MY GOD and I’m listening to music as this happens and tell me why PNB Rock “Friends” starts to play in the background!! 😑 😒 Don’t TEMPT me Frodo! I do wanna say that Ruka is a freak. 🧐 Kouichi is so reserved he treats you like a LADY. RUKA?? 🥸 He wants to fuck you. He basically says it. It’s insane and a huge jump from quiet reserved Kouichi LOLLL
🍎 Speaking of wanting to fuck, I am feeling some type of wayyyyy for Caleb IM IN DEEP!!! 🏊 I’m spelunking in the world of CALEB! 🧗‍♀️🕳️ This man has become apart of my everyday LIFE! This MEANS something to me now like.. 👇 how did I get here. 👩‍🏫 This game has me stressing trying to collect diamonds for whenever a new Caleb card jumps out! 🔬 A 5 STAR ONE! I need to be threatened again!! I will just forever love those insane types I’m sorry. 🥴 The more my life could be in danger the more I love you. 😶 In FICTION! Weenie hut jr irl ok. I need a warm glass of milk and someone to read me a bedtime story and kiss my forehead in my real life. 👶 Fictional? IM SCUM!!! 🦠 SOON as Caleb jacked me up in that one card like I weighed nothing ?? I KNEW he was the one!! 👰 And his story …. 👁️ MC matches his energy it’s so 👌.
🍨 I’ve been working a lot on me. Or trying to. I think sometimes it’s hard to sit down and really take a good look at yourself. Who you are as a person and how you navigate as that person in the world. Amongst the people that you love. I bought this book called The Tao of Inner Peace a while back, and while I am still going through it. I feel as if I’ve read a lot of good things that I could utilize in my everyday life. The problem is that I haven’t been. 🫠 I’ve been thinking a lot about my tone. How the way I respond to some things and the cadence just isn’t as nice as it could be. Then I thought about how I’ve been reading this book and haven’t been practicing any of what I’ve read. 🫥
🧦 I had a situation happen where I got this new hard drive and it just went kaput. 🙃 Kaput with ALL MY IMPORTANT STUFF ON IT!!! Like I was in the process of backing things up TWICE but I hadn’t done it yet. Which meant that this hard drive had my only copy of like..over a decade of photos and art and whatever else. 🙂 I was PISSED I was so upset!! My ONLY comfort was the fact that Goro wasn’t on that drive. I didn’t feel comfortable putting my sims stuff on there (not even sure why I felt that way but thank you past me) so I kept it on the original drive. I think if I lost Goro I would have lost my actual mind. I made him in 2017 and I’ve only gotten more attached to him as the years go by so that woulda felt like an actual DEATH I’m not even kidding. ANYWAY! Long story short I had to get this program that helps retrieve files from corrupted drives and I found that good news: my stuff all managed to get saved 🥳 but bad news: it’s allllll jumbled up. 😁 I had the joy of having all my things returned to me, but I could only focus on the long and arduous process of going through it all, so I stayed upset.
💩 I hate being upset. I hate hate hate keeping myself down in a hole when I KNOW I don’t have to. I’ve come to learn that none of it really serves me. Cause ME staying miserable doesn’t solve anything! I just wasted another day constantly reminding myself how mad I should be! I thought about the Tao of Inner Peace. How I could reframe my mind. How, while this whole situation is frustrating. I still have my things. And that ALONE is something to celebrate. It’s frustrating now, but it’s not forever. I took some deep breaths, and told myself it’ll be okay. Cause it will be. I’ve been doing this a lot lately. Just taking deep breaths if I feel myself sinking and giving myself that pause to recalibrate. It’s been helping. 💆
🐦‍⬛ I feel good! I feel very good. 🐛 My mood has been the best I feel it’s ever been in like.. months lol not to say I walk around like this DARK CLOUD all the time! But I’ve just been feeling better and thinking better. I keep the book of Tao in the back of my mind. I bought “the courage to be disliked” as well as some other philosophy books and I am so excited to crack them open! 📖🪱Sometimes, you know that life can be different, that YOU can be different, but you’re not sure how. Or what steps to take. For me, books like these help point me in the right direction. 🪴
WOO I rambled! And I coulda rambled more but let me stop right here! TIL next time! 🍀
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biocrafthero · 1 year ago
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An analysis of WKTD and HWBM in relation to psychology, Christianity, and oppression.
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Spoilers for almost all of We Know The Devil and parts of Heaven Will Be Mine (only stuff from when you play as Saturn tho that’s the only character I’ve played as so far)
This post is very much off the cuff so it is quite messy but I really needed to put my thoughts into words, I guess. Hopefully it makes sense, and sorry if there’s any errors!
vvv Analysis under the cut because this post is LONG vvv
Okay because when WKTD said “the devil is the shadow of man cast from the light of god” and when HWBM said that the Existential Threat was just a byproduct of the shadow of humanity cast from gravity (via humanity’s Culture) its like the enemy that humans want to fight is just themselves. The concept of the “shadow self” (also called the id, but I’ll be using shadow instead) in psychology refers to the parts of oneself that does not fully fit in with what society expects of them (Super-ego) and sometimes separately from the true self (Ego), typically leading to rejection of those aspects and self-conflict.
Now, please note that I haven’t 100%’d HWBM but I have 100%’d WKTD, and in that game the true ending results in the main trio all becoming devils and embracing those sides of themselves they’ve been running from for the entire game. The thing I quoted earlier is an actual line from the game said by god, the line following it being “the meaning of this phrase is that there is no devil.” Only through self-acceptance and helping each other alongside ourselves do we really reach the true ending to these stores.
While WKTD leans more towards individuals, HWBM puts more emphasis on the idea of the collective shadow; the story still focuses on individuals, yes, but is very much about the conflict between a humanity that is tearing itself apart over the things that don’t fit the collective image. The main conflicts of the story focuses a lot on that general unrest, and was initially the Existential Threat, but after that dissipated humanity still saw its own shadow, this time in itself. An email you can find in the game even says that “In abandoning Existential Threats to address the threats of our home, it will inevitably result in us turning to conflict between humans one more. And in turn, the Existential Threat will thrive.” The Existential Threat literally feeds on unrest and trauma, manifesting as paranoia and leading humanity to fight it, only for them to find that they were just fighting their own literal shadow.
It’s also important to note that HWBM briefly mentions that the Existential Threat is tangentially related to “their cousins on Earth, and even those are so weak kids with radios can take them out”. This, while it can easily be seen as a nod to WKTD for those who played it, the fact that the reference is super blatant (along with the mention of the Scout programs, likely referring to groups like the Summer Scouts from WKTD) leads me to believe that these two stories exist in roughly the same universe (or at least their worlds do, maybe not the characters present in the stories themselves existing at the same time*). This is for a very specific reason, and it has to do with the themes both of these games are tackling, regarding acceptance of the self, both on an individual and societal level, symbolized by the apple.
Both games reference the apple when talking about the idea of becoming something new, sometimes even beyond humanity. It’s about the embracing of the shadow and all the parts of yourself, seeing yourself as a whole being and accepting all of it. The joy and contentment brought upon yourself by finally letting go of all that repression and division, even if the world around you is going to perceive those parts as scary or ugly. Bad endings in these games are brought about by rejection of the self, which makes sense considering all the themes around queerness and transcending one’s humanity, so obviously and fittingly the true endings focus on healing oneself by accepting all of their aspects as part of the greater whole.
The apple in these stories, especially noticeable in its original thematic incarnation in WKTD, is in reference to the fruit from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil in the Garden of Eden from the Bible. Man was forbidden from eating the fruit, but Eve (VERY important to note that the dev studio is named Worst Girls Games btw) is tempted by the serpent (was not originally the devil, but came to be in the New Testament) to eat the fruit, which they do and become aware of themselves. God banishes them from the garden for breaking this rule he set out for them, also punishing the snake in the process due to how it tempted Adam and Eve. This incident is referred to as the “original sin.”
What is interesting about this part of the Bible though is what God says at the end of Genesis 3, right before the banishment actually occurs: “And the Lord God said, ‘The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever.’” The specific wording of “become like one of us” in the context of the apple metaphors from the games from Worst Girls Games is super intriguing to me, mostly due to how the idea of becoming something new is super common throughout these stories—becoming the devil in WKTD, and becoming one’s Ship-Self in HWBM.
There’s also the framing of the serpent in these stories, as well. The serpent in modern Christianity is almost always depicted as the devil, tempting humanity away from God throughout almost the entire scripture. In the book of Revelation, the devil is said to have gone to direct war against God and fighting against his angels; “Then war broke out in heaven. Michael and his angels fought against the dragon, and the dragon and his angels fight back. But he was not strong enough, and they lost their place in heaven. The great dragon was hurled down—that ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan, who leads the whole world astray. He was hurled to the earth, and his angels with him.” These verses can easily be seen in parallel to WKTD, with how the devil forms are said to be unstable and her world more fickle than god’s, and how in HWBM the Ship-Selves are delicately maintained by the Lunar Gravity Well.
But here’s the thing: the framing of the devil in these stories puts it in the position of being correct, with humanity making the right choice to follow it. This may sound strange, almost like villain behavior, until you remember these games deal with themes regarding repression of the self under an oppressive society, which is why these societies tend to be characterized by Evangelical conservative Christianity. Under this lens, alongside the themes of queerness and transcending humanity (rising to the throne of god, in a way), everything begins to click into place. The idea of being forced to live a certain way by a society that hates parts of your very being is killing our main characters, and they want a way out. The personification of the Collective Unconscious (ex: the devil) gives them this out—even if it’s less concrete and stable than the known world (the light), the unknown world (the darkness) is what truly gives our characters the freedom they desire.
They cannot do this alone, however, as we see in the Bible further into the book of Revelation, when the devil is aided by a beast from the sea and a beast from the earth, all three of them holding one another up and emphasizing one another’s’ powers and authorities. This, of course, most likely is reflected in the games in the main trios we play as. While I am still unsure about specifics, I trust you guys enough to understand what I’m getting at here, even if my speculations are likely flimsy at best. Either way, the idea gets across—the true endings for the games can only be obtained if everyone supports one another properly.
The scripture states that the devil does not have long on earth to do what he wishes (“… [The devil] is filled with fury, because he knows that his time is short.”), but that doesn’t stop him from trying at all. When it comes to the games, in WKTD the main trio stay in the cabin only for the night (player choices start at 7pm and the final one is at 1am, 2am onward being the ending you got, so choices go on for 6-7 in-universe hours), and in HWBM they have eight days to get back to earth before humanity declares them to be a threat. In both stories, our protagonists are all under strict time limits to do what they can in order to get the outcome they desire. As it’s said in WKTD, “the devil only ever gets one chance.”
Even though in the Bible the devil is ultimately defeated, in these games it’s the opposite. This is less about the theology they draw from and more having to do with undoing oppressive power structures through solidarity and community support while doing what you can to avoid infighting. Systems of hate and oppression are easily undone, which is why they put in so much work to scare you away from even trying to undo it and make you fall in line; resistance scares oppressors. Of course, resisting is not an easy task, but that’s just part of the work—they don’t call it a fight for no reason, after all.
Accepting all aspects of yourself and embracing that is the first small, yet very important step, to rejecting oppressive systems as a whole, and when society as a whole accepts what the system rejects, that system will inevitably fall, freeing those who are under it. Even though the world that comes after may be more uncertain and unstable that the last one, we still have each other to rely on and a foundation to build something greater and healthier than before.
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So, roughly and basically…
Super-ego = God = Culture
Ego = Humanity (consistent throughout both games)
Projection = Light = Gravity
Resistance = Radio = Ship-Self
Shadow (personified by Collective Unconscious) = The Devil = Existential Threat
Acceptance (of the Shadow) = Apple (consistent throughout both games), characterized by devil possession forms and Ship-Selves (Ship-Selves are dual natured like that, I think)
… Or something like that. I dunno, I’m not a psychologist.
Once again, I have seen all of WKTD, so I can say these things concretely about that story. However, I have not seen all of HWBM, so it more so feels like I’m making guesses as to what happens in that one, so just bear with me. I’ll be super hype if I’m correct in my theory/analysis.
*On this note, it is very amusing to me to imagine the WKTD trio as space mech pilots. The idea of the main cast of HWBM having to deal with devil possessions is also very fun :3
Sources for information + screenshots I’m referencing
Wikipedia: Shadow (psychology) (links throughout the article lead to other things I’ve mentioned like the Collective Unconscious)
Bible Gateway: Genesis 3, Revelation 12, Revelation 13 (New International Version)
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(from WKTD) (not my screenshot, stole this from my friend) (hi Ash <3) (platonic)
(I don’t have a screenshot of the line that comes afterwards or the line talking about the metaphorical apple in the epilogue of the true ending but I know they’re there. I have it in my brain. I’m too lazy to get a picture of it just trust me I know what I’m talking about trust)
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(from HWBM) (screenshots taken by me)
(I don’t have absolutely everything either just work with me here sorry)
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bisexual-horror-fan · 24 days ago
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"Happiness." Freddy Krueger X Amber Cottrell X GN! Reader. NSFW.
Ayyy! So, another day, another fic for Mutli-May! I would be an idiot to not do a Freddy and Amber plus reader fic, I have done one the two previous years and every year I do Multi-May I gotta include them! I wrote a fic set getting ready for a date, and the aftermath, so now, an actual date obviously! I hope you all enjoy this, I had a lot of fun writing this because it is partly based on and like revisiting everyone’s fave chapter of The Man Of My Dreams, chapter thirty-two. So let’s get into it!
Rating. Explicit. Length. 4.3K. Freddy Krueger X Amber Cottrell X GN! Reader. They/Them Pronouns. No Parts Specified. NSFW. Warnings: Established Relationship. Could Be Read As TMOMD Compliant. Making Out. Teasing. Public Play. Exhibitionism. Oral Sex. Cunnilingus. Vaginal Fingering. Blow Job. Throat Fucking. Teasing. Dirty Talk. Praise. Degradation. Humiliation. Orgasm Denial. Edging. Sex Game. Dom/Sub Dynamics. Freddy Is The Top, Amber Is The Middle, You Are The Bottom Bitch. You Love It Though. Objectification. Vaginal Sex. Cream Pie. Begging. Extreme Frustration. Heavy Petting. Threesome. Voyeurism. Cum Eating. Sloppy Seconds. Reader Is A Freak And Down SO Badly. 
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Happiness comes in many different forms, for many different people, for some it is as simple as a brand-new book, dancing in the kitchen, or sun filtering through stained-glass windows. For others, happiness is infinitely more complex, a long term project coming to fruition, one of those thirty course single bite meals that cost a few thousand dollars, but you? Well you’d said that you fall in the middle, you can see the joy to be derived from both ends of the spectrum, some nights call for a concert at a dive bar and two dollar pizza slices, others are better suited for a lavish steak dinner and a full on Broadway production. 
Your preferred form of happiness as of late comes by way of your dreams, all thanks to the two people you have been spending more and more with. 
Happiness is a busy and fiercely independent woman with freckles and wild red curls and a total shoe fetish, a woman who leaves red lipstick prints on your cheeks and inner thighs in equal measure. She is the personification of work hard, play hard, get with her program and hold on tight, and you are in for an amazing time without fail, success and delight will find you easily. Amber Cottrell is as if sunshine itself was somehow well-read, funny, fashion forward paired with an incredible sexual appetite all poured into a curvy five-foot frame. 
Happiness is also a disgusting, sadistic, yet somehow charming, supernatural entity that has a scary amount of control over dreams that you don’t completely understand. Not a man, a demon that is somewhat masquerading as one, clad in filthy red and green stripes, brown pants and a bladed glove of his own making, horribly scarred skin and an endless imagination for depravity. Freddy Krueger is every dark and nasty impulse fully realized, and indulged in without a single ounce of shame, twisted and terrible, not to mention he is totally addictive. 
The two of them together were a sight to behold, and you felt that so lucky to be privy to it, involved in it, carving your own space in their dynamic, building onto it and improving it undoubtedly. 
It is date night, Friday, and apparently tonight was special, there was a plan that you had not been made privy to, and there was something very exciting about that. Amber and you normally have a date getting ready to go to bed to see Freddy, not tonight though, she says it’ll be worth it, the pair of you had plans to meet up for brunch tomorrow morning anyway, to help make up for lost time. You go to bed on schedule and even with how excited you are, you fall asleep quickly and easily, when you wake up, strewn on the sheets of the playroom’s bed you find Amber there waiting. 
She is sitting on those three steps leading down into the large circular bed that has been sunk into the floor, and looks incredible and at ease. She is leaning back, in a lovely black silk dress, low cut, a high slit creeping up to her thigh on the left side, tall shiny black patent leather heels that had thick loops around her ankles, closed with small glittering gold locks that match the fine jewellery she has on. Amber has her hair half up, a few loose curls framing her face, nails her favourite shade of red to match her lips, she wears a smile on her face as she gives her greeting, “Hey you.” 
Her blue eyes are fixed on you as you push yourself up, starting to crawl your way over to her as you say, “Hi Amber.” 
Once you’ve reached her, you get up on your knees, you lean in, slotting between her spread thighs, your hands resting on the stair she is seated, on either side of her hips, she smells delicious, she is so warm, you missed her. Your face leans closer, you want to kiss her, but her hand comes up, two manicured fingers press to your lips and stop you short, she says softly, “Mmm not yet.” 
You want to pout, sad at being denied what you really want, you ask, “Why not?” 
“Humour me, it’s part of the game tonight.” She teases, and that sends a thrum of excitement through, a game? You couldn’t wait to learn the rules. You push though, “Could I kiss you elsewhere?” 
She grins before saying softly, “Oh no, that is heavily encouraged.” 
You take her invitation, you place a chaste kiss on her cheek and don’t stop there, kissing down lower, along her jaw and down her neck, and shoulder, you revel in the feeling of her satiny skin against your lips. You enjoy every sigh and shift of her from the movements of your mouth, until she stops you. Before you could complain or protest, she says, “We need to start getting you ready, or we’ll be late.” 
“Late?” You inquire as she gets up, holding her hand out to you, waiting for you to take it. 
Turns out tonight you are all going out to eat, Amber has told you before about this restaurant, it was an important and beloved spot in her and Freddy’s relationship. 
You loved that story, how he picked what she wore, them going out, him teasing her with a bullet vibe in her panties in public until she couldn’t take it, and he fucked her right there on the table with a huge audience. It was super hot, while they had visited the eatery many a time, you had never been, so this was very special to be invited. You could only wonder what would happen to you there.
Amber brings you to the bathroom, and you find your own fantastic and formal outfit laid out, the difference was you didn’t do this alone like he made her do way back when, she helps you, takes a little time to assist you in dressing up. By the time you are done and looking at yourself in the mirror, you don’t feel quite so underdressed next to her, she is practically beaming, and you love that you brought that reaction forth.
“You look good enough to eat.” she coos in that impression she does on occasion of Freddy whenever he isn’t around, and it makes you both laugh, her hands squeeze your shoulders as she kisses your cheek, you will proudly wear the imprint like a colourful brand, proclaiming to anyone who sees you together, “I’m hers.” 
Next, her hand slips into yours, and she tugs, “Come on, he has the table and is waiting on us.” 
A snap of her fingers and the bathroom door was meant to go back out into the playroom, instead now leads onto a city street at night, you follow her lead, the control she has over his domain will forever remain impressive, you know it took a lot to earn it and an immense amount of work on her part. The walk is brisk and easy in the cool air, and it doesn’t take long to arrive. The restaurant is nice, very fucking nice, Freddy is dressed up too, much more so than you had ever seen, and he is gloveless, a true rarity, leaving you to joke, “You own a suit?” 
You get a sharp smile and a fond, “Fuck off.” In response, that makes you and Amber both laugh, he still kisses you on the cheek and compliments on how great you look. You flourish under their joint praise, and soon you are seated, excited to see how this will all unfold.
Now, of all the turns you thought tonight was going to take, this wasn’t one. You thought maybe you’d be the focus, be teased and tortured in public until you break, but no, apparently it is this kind of night, where you are a prop for their amusement and enjoyment. This dynamic isn’t new, there are times when they use you like a toy for their mutual enjoyment, but you? Well honestly, you love that. 
So with the drink you’d been given half drunk, feeling warm and a bit loose, that is when Freddy says simply, “Get under the table.” 
Your eyes flick to Amber to see her, with her own neat whiskey in her manicured grip, an indulgent smile and eyes mischievous. You ask softly, “So is this the game?” 
Freddy lets out a small laugh, “Can’t slip nothin’ past you.” He knocks back another sip of his drink then swallows, he sighs and continues on, “The idea is simple, you get under the table, you use your mouth and hands to work her and me over, until we just can’t take it anymore-”
“And then?” You ask hopefully and Amber slips her hand into yours again, she gives a comforting squeeze and says playfully, “And then you’ll get to see what comes next.” 
So you have to wait, you only get to know the prize once you unlock it, that is fun and a great motivator, who knows what it could be, how they will choose to reward you. After taking another healthy swig of your drink, you do as instructed, you get out of your seat and drop to your knees on the nice carpeted floor and slip under the curtain of the thick white table cloth. They are at least nice enough to help, Amber spreads her legs and adjusts the high slit of her dress to expose herself and that is when you see for the first time tonight she has no underwear on, and Freddy opens his own belt at minimum and leaves the rest for you to do, the asshole. 
You start with her, easier access, and also you are helplessly drawn to the sight of her spread legs, those soft inviting thighs and her totally bared cunt, smooth and already a little wet. You crawl towards her for the second time that night, settling yourself comfortably between her legs. Your hands resting on her inner thighs, and you start to kiss your way up, starting at her knees and not stopping until the rich scent of her fills your nose. Kissing and kissing, and soon your lips meet hers, and then yours part, your tongue slips out and runs up from hole to clit. So far she hadn’t moved an inch or done anything that could clue someone in to what you were doing under the table, but your tongue making it’s first contact has her legs jerking slightly, and you hear above you her glass being set down roughly. 
Under the table you cannot fully hear their conversation, it is like hearing a song in another room at a party, you get the sense of the volume, the beat, the cadence and mood, but not the direct content. You can tell Freddy is saying something teasing to her, probably calling her out on her reaction you’d assume, and you continue your work, tongue swirling around the quickly hardening bud. 
You try harder to get more reactions from her when you can’t see her face or hear her properly, but it is difficult, she is doing her best to try and school all her reactions, and she has a lot of experience with that. Thankfully, you have spent a lot of time learning what gets her off, which means you know the tell-tale signs of when she is close, the build is slow because you want it to be, teasing it out of her, carefully building her up until you know she is riding that line very closely. Her legs are trembling, the tension in her body very clear, she is significantly wetter and controlling the volume of her voice is clearly much more difficult, you can tell it is wavering and with a final lick you pull back. 
Sitting there on your knees, hands still planted on her inner thighs, you take in the view of her leaking slit and how much you’ve already wrecked her, she looks so much redder and swollen from all your attention. Once her body relaxes a little as her bliss slips out of reach, you make you move to the other side of the table.
Once sat between his legs, your hands reach out and begin to work at his pants, it is moments like this you wish you had Amber’s level of control, she can strip him with a well-placed snap of her fingers, while you have to fight to get his dick out because he isn’t helping you at all. Freddy is always so supremely unhelpful, unless he decides to use you to team up on Amber, you think he might get off on that more than the actual acts you get up to. 
With his shaft now in your palm you don’t waste time, slipping the head of his dick into your mouth and stroking his shaft with your hand, spit used as lube, and you do it as he likes, rough and unrelenting. Once you get to it, he isn’t one for teasing unless explicitly asked for, and that is a rare occasion to be sure. It takes less than three minutes until you are essentially fucking your own throat as opposed to casually sucking him off, the weight of him on your tongue and the taste invading nearly every sense. You are gagging and getting desperate for breath, his timing is as close to perfect as you can get when he pushes you back, leaving you sucking back several deep breaths and fighting off a minor coughing fit. 
His foot nudges you in a way that is less than gentle, urging you backwards, and you take the hint, making your way back to Amber to tease her again. 
Mentally you are having an amazing time, your own itch for humiliation is being scratched pretty good, sometimes it is very fun to be used as a series of parts rather than acknowledged as a whole person, you want to be a hot mouth and hardworking hands, you want to bring pleasure, you want to be good, you want to be used. 
You do this back and forth two more times each, eat her like you are starving, take his abuse as he fucks your mouth, the waiter has come and gone a few times, food has been brought, you can feel the tension increasing immensely. The pair of them are having a hard time holding back now, you don’t think it will take much more, your own arousal is becoming impossible to ignore. You throb and ache in your nice evening clothing, you want to undo snaps and pull down zippers, take some pressure off, touch yourself, get some relief, but you don’t, you know your patience will be rewarded. 
You focus on them, pouring all the desire you have for your own pleasure into theirs, and right now, you are between Amber’s thighs again, this has to be roughly the fifth edge you are working her towards. The sweet and salty tang of her on your pallet is delicious, you revel in her flavour as you lick her clit, two fingers seated in her cunt, you work the hardest that you have all night to make this one as close as possible. You can tell she is near, her thighs are rigid, she has one leg over your shoulder and is partly slumped in the chair to give you full access to her pussy, she is panting softly, and she isn’t speaking; she has one hand below the table, fingers in your hair and knotted tightly. You hear it, that classic Amber tell, the hitch in her breath, it tells you she is about to cum in a few seconds, so you pull back. 
Amber scoots the chair back a hair and her other hand lifts the white fabric, this is the first time she is looking at you since you got under the table, she looks fucking gorgeous, her freckled face is flushed, her lips parted, a sweaty sheen to her skin and her eyes half lidded, she breathes out, “Please, I’m so fucking close-” 
You want to, God do you ever want to make her cum, she begs so prettily, and you are weak for her, but you can’t, you shake your head once, and she lets out a sound that could be read as a mournful sob. 
Before you can fully pull away and make your way back to Freddy, he speaks up, “Again.” 
Automatically you lean in, your tongue licks up her clit slowly, your fingers sunk back in deeply, and you keep your eyes on Amber’s face the whole time, watching her body go slack from the renewed pleasure with a whine.
You continued to touch her, you lick and finger fuck her until her body is trembling, and she is on the edge once more in less than two minutes. She is shaking and her hand in your hair pulls, she makes a move of her hips, like she is going to grind on your face, force you to make her cum, before you can protest or try to stop it, Freddy speaks up again, “That’s enough.” 
You are familiar with that tone, the control he exerts with it, Amber and you both freeze, and you hear him push his chair out, he gets up and comes over, you can’t see him from this angle, but you can hear him standing next to Amber as he says, “Let em, go.” 
Reluctantly, Amber does so, her fingers leave your hair, and you pull away, your fingers slip out of her and, and you feel that strange ineffable invisible force Freddy wields grip your shoulders and drag you out from under the table. 
You are brought onto your feet unsteadily and shoved into the edge of the table so you lean almost sitting against it, he is on you in short order, finally you are touched. Hands wander, pull at clothing and press in the spots you love and need it most, his mouth on your neck and you moan, loud, unapologetic. This position is purposeful, you are looking over his shoulder, and you realize that your lewd display was no obvious, you’d called the entire restaurant's attention, and you couldn’t bring yourself to care. 
It was hot, you get it completely, the exhibitionist streak Amber woke up in you a while ago rages inside of you, arousal is totally taking over, you enjoy the attention. Freddy speaks again, “You did a good job.”
His praise sinks into your bones, his teeth nip the side of your neck, his leg is between yours giving you a point to grind on, and you take the opportunity. You moan and writhe for the entire establishment, dying to get your clothing off and get your reward.
It is like he read your mind, his touch stops all too soon, he pushes you onto the table-top, your body falls so you are lying on your back among the plates of partly finished food and drinks. 
“Be a little more patient for me, hm?” He speaks in a way that you can never say no to, a small nod, and he makes a gesture to Amber who gets up quickly. Your head turns to look at her face, you can see how much watching you and Freddy affected her, fingers twitching like she had been itching to touch herself the entire time and barely held herself back. Freddy adjusts her, fixes her position on top of you, so her cunt is back in your face, and you are given the instruction, “You are going to lick that clit while I fuck her stupid, got it?” 
“Yes.” You utter simply, and you feel Amber shiver, you know that is her favourite word, and you adore the effect it still has on her, no matter what. Freddy has his hands on her hips and lines up to fuck her from behind, he sinks into her, and she moans, you lift your head enough and got to work, tongue slipping up the silky smooth bundle of nerves.
He isn’t easy on her, he fucks her roughly, pulling her back onto him as he fucks forward, you get a handle on the rhythm quickly, you lick her twice on every stroke, every time he fucks in and when he pulls out. Amber is moaning brokenly, a total wreck, and yet, she is still being so nice, because in her current position on top of you means she has easy access to touch you and she does. She uses those clever fingers to touch you through your clothing, she focuses on a particularly good spot that makes you moan against her and causes you to have to work harder to keep your mouth moving. You have your hands gripping the legs of Freddy’s pants to help keep you steady and in the right position.
“God, love when you do this, makes her cunt twitch so good around me.” Freddy groans out, and you can’t help the immediate response, your hips jerking into Amber’s touch, you love his filthy compliments. 
Amber is begging three minutes in, all the edging and how perfectly this whole scenario fulfills many of her most beloved kinks, it isn’t surprising that she is close so quickly, clearly Freddy is intending to overwhelm her with pleasure, so permission is given easily, “Come on slut, do it.” 
She does, it is a thing of beauty how he has her trained to practically cum on command when she is close, Amber cries out, her fingers falter against you briefly, body shivers as your tongue strokes her, and he fucks her through it. 
You will forever adore Amber cumming, the sound of it, the feeling, being a part of it or the cause of it, joy of joys, the amount of masturbation material it has provided is staggering. 
Amber’s orgasm ends, she recovers enough and her fingers pick up their original pace and pleasure swells in you again. So, funny thing about this, Amber is so good at this she is able to get you close even with all your clothing on, and she does, you get close, but then Amber will cum again, fingers stalling enough to effectively edge you without intending to. You genuinely think she is too caught up to put the pieces together and realize what she is doing to you, which makes it all the more maddening.
She finds bliss three more times in pretty short order before Freddy is letting you know, “Gonna cum in you, get ready-” Amber begs again, enthusiastic and breathy, needy and wanting, “Oh do it, please, please, want it so much-”
With another five thrusts he is cumming with a groan of her name, he holds deep and spills totally, her fingers have brought you close again, she slows and keeps you right on the edge this time, you want to cry, you want to beg, you want your own release. 
Freddy and her are panting, still joined together, he is held to the base inside her, revelling in the sensation of her wrapped around him, not wanting to move yet. 
You drop your head, jaw a little sore and done with eating her out, panting and Amber’s fingers pick back up again, the pair of them must not have realized or notice your predicament, how could they? In this position neither could see your face, and that doesn’t help things, the objectification of this is hot, the reminder that you are a prop in this, a toy for them, a body for Amber to lie on, a tongue to tease her clit, an aid to help Freddy ruin her and make her cum her brains out.
There is no time, you are done in, no way to truly warn you gasp out a feeble, “Amber!” 
Your body reacts, hips arch, legs twitch, your hands grip tighter to the legs of Freddy’s pants, and you cum, still fully dressed after being so totally used before the whole restaurant, face soaked with pussy juice from nose to chin. You moan brokenly through it, Amber to her credit keeps her touch going, now fully aware you are cumming, it is embarrassing, humiliating, all this build up, and you cum from her basically palming you through the layers of fabric still covering your form. 
Untangling takes a good minute, after you swallow down the shared mix of him and her that leaks when he pulls out, he helps her off of you and assists in getting you off the table safely. You are breathing very hard, and soon you are seated once more, you are wiping your mouth with the nice cloth napkin as Freddy and Amber take their own original seats again. They tease you in a way that makes you want to sink into your chair, Freddy is looking at you in that teasing and predatory way as he asks, “Good orgasm?” 
Amber scoffs at him, she turns to you, her hand slips into yours, eyes set on you as she speaks to him, “Be nice, they worked really hard to cum in their pants like that.” 
You laugh, leaning into Amber’s soft exposed shoulder, telling her softly, “Maybe take your own advice.” 
“I think I am very nice, if I was mean I wouldn’t have got you off, or, do this-” Her fingers tilt your chin up, and she kisses you on the lips for the first time that night, warmth spreads to your fingertips and toes at the realization of it, that they both used you so thoroughly before you’d been granted this. When she is done, he does the same, getting kissed back to back by them makes your head spin in the best way. It feels like this is your true reward. 
You have more drinks, you get your own food, more kisses, affection, soft touches and conversation, you are happy, on cloud nine and blissful.
What a good night. 
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i-am-not-dal · 4 months ago
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An unexpected reunion?
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Word Count: 750
Payring: Idol! Jungwon x Childhood friend! Reader
Warnings: reader is jungwon childhood friend, I-land jungwon, I-land mentioned, there are bad memories of I-land, reader wants to comunicate with jungwon after a lot of years, I think that's all
Author's Note: Happy Birthday Jungwon!!!damn how is it possible that this boy who at the time was 16 and was the youngest leader in all of kpop is now 21? time flies but jungwon is getting more handsome every day❤️ Hope you like the fic
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Jungwon and you had been neighbors and best friends since childhood, sharing laughter, games, and secrets. However, when you were only seven, both of your lives changed: your parents had to move to Busan for work, and you had to leave your dear friend behind. At that time, there weren't many ways to stay in touch, and over time, you lost all contact with him.
Years passed, and although you made new friends in Busan and life went on, the memory of Jungwon was always present in your heart. When you turned 16, one day at school, your friend mentioned a survival program called I-LAND. At first, you didn't pay much attention to it, but when you saw one of the contestants, something about his face seemed familiar. It was him: Jungwon, your childhood friend. Seeing him on TV filled you with an indescribable emotion. Throughout the entire program, you supported him with all your heart, feeling proud of what he had accomplished. In the end, when his name was announced as the winner, you cried tears of joy, but also for the other contestants who didn't achieve their dream. As many would say, that show left you with some traumas.
You were so happy for him, but doubt crept in: how could you congratulate him? You knew nothing about his life, and although you remembered how close your parents were to his family, you never imagined you would have a way to contact him. However, you decided to ask your mother, and to your surprise, she still had Jungwon's mother's phone number. With your heart racing, your mom gave you the contact number.
Several minutes passed before you decided to send a message. The phone felt like it weighed a ton in your hands, and although you knew you were making an important decision, the fear of rejection or coming across as too bold was palpable. Finally, with a deep breath, you wrote a sincere message:
"Hi, Jungwon. Is it really you? It's Y/n, your neighbor when we were little. I don't know if you remember me, but I saw you on I-LAND and... wow, it made me so happy to see you there. I've been thinking about you since we were kids, and I always wondered what had become of you. Congratulations on everything you've achieved!"
With a trembling finger, you pressed send. Minutes passed, but there was no response. The fear of having embarrassed yourself started to grow stronger, and just when you thought maybe you should forget about it, your phone buzzed with a message. It was from Jungwon.
"I can't believe it! Of course, I remember you, Y/n. You were always my best friend. I remember how we used to play together and the moments we shared in the neighborhood. It's amazing to hear from you after all these years. Thank you for your message, it made me smile."
Your heart skipped a beat. It was real. He remembered you, and the excitement of reconnecting with someone so special to you was indescribable. The conversation flowed quickly, talking about your lives, how each of you had changed, and what had happened during those years of separation. Jungwon told you about his time training to become an idol, the sacrifices, and the tough moments, but also about how much he enjoyed the support he received from his family and fans.
At the end of the conversation, Jungwon wrote something that left you speechless.
"What do you think about meeting up when I return to Seoul? I'd love to catch up in person. It could be just like before, remember? The two of us, talking and having fun."
The idea of seeing Jungwon after so many years filled you with a mix of nerves and excitement. You knew the reunion would be emotional and full of nostalgia, but also full of new possibilities. After years apart, the friendship you once shared was about to be rekindled. You had been waiting for this moment without even realizing it, and now, although life had taken you down different paths, the bond that united you both felt stronger than ever.
The future was uncertain, but you finally had the chance to recover what you had lost, and this time, you knew you wouldn't let life separate you again.
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spyderlondon · 11 months ago
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I Don't Want to Become a Monster... chapter 1
CW: Mental manipulation
Freakshow AU by @hootbon (I was given permission to play around with this idea)
THIS STORY IS FULLY NON-CANON! I just wanted to do an introspective on Caine's transformation
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A change is on its way... You need to prepare for it... Get up! Get ready!
Caine jolted to a more active state in the middle of the night and looked around as to where that voice was coming from in complete confusion. It couldn't have been from his creators as they've long since stopped talking with him- ever since the first few users began to become trapped in the circus, the developers of his code and game went radio silent, he never knew why. The upper part of his teeth lowered a bit as to show his confusion to the situation, he pulled up the game's code and looked through it while his fingers tapped on his leg in his slight nervousness.
Nothing.
There was nothing new or different to the code from what he could tell. Then why did he... He shook his head- it was probably just an auditory hallucination or Bubble playing a prank on him while he was partially deactivated during the night.
The AI ran his hands down his dentures with a light groan before grabbing his cane and headed into the circus tent so he could do make sure everything was in order before anyone woke up for the morning roll call. He says that but it was partially also to calm his nerves after the voice he heard- as much as he wanted to pin the blame on Bubble, the voice sounded eerily like his own except... darker...
He put a hand on the side of his upper jaw and massaged it a little, telling himself not to think about it too deeply. It wasn't a concern, he merely had to focus on his tasks at hand. He had humans to entertain in the morning after all! They were counting on him to keep them sane and... he looked away as he thought about what happened when he failed at his task. He didn't want to think about it. It was too painful to think about... for everyone.
He paused in his tracks when he heard chatter from nearby the main area of the tent. He peeked out from behind the corner, not wanting to interrupt, and saw black and white chess pieces surrounded by a number of bugs- monarch butterflies, hercules beetles, cicadas, the like. They were sitting on the ground side by side as they watched the insects as they joked around and told each different facts about the bugs- the king and queen chess pieces didn't have mouths so it wasn't really obvious but Caine could tell that they were smiling as brightly as anyone could smile in here. He felt his body ease up as he watched them, feeling comforted by the fact that despite being stuck here longer than all the other humans combined- these two still seemed at peace with their situation.
Don't think you can keep everyone at peace... The humans will and already have lost their minds before...
The ringmaster felt a shiver go down his digital spine and he whipped around, "Who said that!" He suddenly yelled, which caught the attention of the two chess pieces. He tensed at the sight of the two of them staring in his direction, "I-I'm sorry, superstars, Bubble just surprised me is all!" He fibbed, feeling a bit of sweat going down his jaw.
"Wait, Cain-"
Before Queenie could get her sentence out the AI raced off in the opposite direction in a slight panic that he didn't realize he could feel until this moment. What was going on?! He's never felt this tense before, or had much other emotion other than joy and amusement. Wasn't he programmed just with that type of emotion to help keep the players engaged? Why was he suddenly feeling more negative emotions...
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A/N: This was gonna be a one shot but the ideas kept flowing! So, I guess you guys are in for a treat! This is now going to have two or three chapters!
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novelmonger · 6 months ago
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1-5, 8, 11, 14, 18-20, 22, & 23 for End of Year asks, please?
Song of the year?
This is almost impossible to quantify (and no, I'm not going to go by my Spotify Wrapped, because I listen to music on more programs than just that, and ever since I started paying attention to my Wrapped, the top songs are always literally just my Staron playlist). But like...thematically? I'll go with "Next Stop Anywhere" from Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure.
2. Album of the year?
Probably something by Citizen Soldier. Maybe either Scarecrow or ICU.
2. Favorite musical artist / group you started listening to this year?
Hmm...maybe Mustafa Avşaroğlu? He does instrumental music, which I listen to a lot while working or doing homework. I've added a few of his more "wintry" songs to my Christmas playlist too. Check him out!
3. Movie of the year?
Oooh...I think I'll have to go with The Wild Robot. Inside Out 2 was also really good, but not quite as good as the first one, while Wild Robot didn't have to compete against anything. What a beautiful movie, in every sense of the word.
(Now, my answer may change after I go see War of the Rohirrim this weekend, but we'll see XD)
4. TV show of the year?
My immediate thought was Arcane, but then I looked it up, and I think I watched Buddy Daddies early this year. And if that's the case...yeah, eat your heart out, Arcane. I don't care if I did ugly-cry during that one episode! Buddy Daddies stole my heart in under five minutes and is practically perfect in every way (except that it's too shoooooort! T^T) Also Buddy Daddies has the advantage of no sex scenes and much less innuendo. And the most adorable little girl you'll ever meet.
8. Game of the year?
Gasp! Spoilers for the Fortnight of Games! XD
I think I'll go with Amnesia: Rebirth. It was far and away the best horror game I played this year, and I just really, really like the way Frictional Games tell stories. There were lots of tense moments where I reacted to things in the game just as I would have in real life, and that's one of the most powerful experiences you can have while playing a game, I think.
11. Something you want to do again next year?
I can't wait for the 4th of July next year! I didn't know this, so wasn't prepared for it, but it turns out the town we moved to this year goes all out when it comes to fireworks. We don't even have to go anywhere to watch the show; we can literally just sit on our balcony for hours and watch them going off in all directions. Maybe next year I'll make snacks or something and have a little party for whoever wants to stay up late.
14. Favorite book you read this year?
Again! Spoilers for the Fortnight of Books!
I might change my mind once I take more time to think about it, but for now I think I'm going to say One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are by Ann Voskamp. It's all about gratitude, and I can confidently say that this book has changed my life for the better. Practicing the discipline of thankfulness in all things really helped renew my perspective and breathe joy back into areas of my life where there was only grumbling before. I mean...not that I'm perfect now or anything like that. I'm still a work in progress ^^'
18. A memorable meal this year?
Ooooh, that'll have to be my church's fall party, where (besides other delectable treats) there was a chili cook-off. One of the ones that didn't win (somehow! I'm flabbergasted!) was called something like "armadillo chili," and it was hands-down the most delicious chili I think I've ever tasted. It had a kick to it, but wasn't super spicy, and it was also creamy. I've been trying to doctor the chili recipe I usually use to achieve something even half as good as that. Haven't managed it yet. (And yes, I've tried looking up recipes for "armadillo chili," but all the ones I can find use actual armadillo meat, which...you can't get here. So I know that's not the secret.)
19. What’re you excited about for next year?
Foremost on my mind is @rainintheevening and @sergeanttomycaptain coming to visit me! ^_^ I don't know what all we'll do, but it's going to be super fun.
20. What’s something you learned this year?
For something serious, might I direct you back up to question 14.
For more random skills, I learned how to wire ethernet plugs! We moved to a new house this year, and while they built it so there's an ethernet outlet in every room, in the basement there was just a bundle of cables hanging from the ceiling, with no way of plugging the other ends into a modem. My dad tried to figure it out, but the task eventually fell to me, since I have younger eyes ^^' It was very fiddly work, we didn't have exactly the right equipment so I ended up having to saw away at copper wires with a box cutter like an idiot, but I got it done eventually!
22. Favorite place you visited this year?
Hmm...I haven't really done any traveling at all this year. But if this counts: Before we bought our current house, there was a time we were considering renting an apartment for a short time. So we looked at a lot of "virtual tours," which were usually a slideshow of the various attractive amenities at the places we were looking at. The best memory from that stressful period was one that happened to show a picture of the pool with the caption "off-street parking." This led to our favorite new inside joke, where every time we see a swimming pool, one of us goes, "Hey, that's some really nice off-street parking!" XD
23. If you could send a message to yourself back on the first day of the year, what would it be?
"Heads up, you're going to have to move much earlier than you thought you would. But guess what? God has a great place already lined up for you. It's being finished as we speak. Don't worry about looking for apartments. It's not going to be perfect, but it will be right. So try not to stress about it too much."
End of the Year Ask Game
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nutal · 11 months ago
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⌛️💖🎢🎶🛠️🎨🤡📚
>:)
omg hell yeah here we go!! the fic ask game urgh i love it
| —⌛ How long does it take you to write a fic, or a chapter?
It varies A LOT. I’ve had some one-shots/chapters that I’ve finished in two days, while others took me a whole month and a half.
As for a whole multi-chaptered, it can take me months.
| — 💖 What made you start writing?
The need to have a creative outlet and express myself somewhere. I always have ideas running around in my mind and I absolutely need to get them down and out there or I’ll lose it lmfao.
| —🎢 Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?
Maybe Stupid, Beautiful Cause? I wasn’t really sure what I was exactly doing when I first started this story, and I certainly didn’t expect to evolve so much lol!
| — 🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?
I can’t write without music! The songs I’ve been playing on loop lately are Petals and Malibu both by Hole.
| —🛠What tools/programs/apps do you use to write?
I use Google Docs, the apple Notes app, and wordcounter.com.
As for inspiration, I use Pinterest and Spotify
| — 🎨 How do you feel about fan art of your stories?
While I’ve never actually experienced this, I would LOVE. AND I MEAN LOVEEEE if this ever happened to me. I’d consider that one of the top moments of my life and probably burst into tears of joy.
| — 🤡 What's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?
His outburst of laughter broke away her thoughts, grating on her nerves.
“Heyyy, Lute. You know, you actually look pretty, like pretty smokin’ right now,” he said, staring at the fucking ceiling.
😭 Idk why this makes me laugh so hard but anyways its from Ch 4 of Stupid, Beautiful Cause.
| —📚 Would you ever want to turn writing into a career?
I’ve considered it. A few years ago I tried writing a novel of my own, only to get five chapters in and give up haha. For now though, I mainly enjoy writing fanfiction. But hey, who knows what the future will bring.
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explode-this · 1 year ago
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What To Do If You Accidentally Took a Sip of Alcohol or Ate a Boozy Cookie When You’ve Had Problems with Substances, But You’ve Also Been Convinced You Have a Disease and Subsequently Are More Afraid of Yourself Than a Purse Dog is Afraid of Being Out of the Purse: A Holiday Guide
1. If it was accidental, it’s not your fault.
2. Even if it wasn’t accidental, it is not the end of the world. If you have been convinced of some form of black and white thinking, like “one drink might as well be 1,000,” know that this is a built-in “failure guarantee.” It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy that ultimately gives you permission to binge by way of Doomerism. Do you want that kind of negativity in your life? Say no way, man! to anyone who has cast an edict of weakness upon your entire “constitution” with silly ideas like that.
3. With that in mind, this kind of notion can really imprison you psychologically, so the panic you might feel is real. Find something calming to do until you’ve come down from it. Phone a friend that doesn’t believe in the disease hypothesis and can talk you down from irrationality. Play a game. Go for a walk. Do a jigsaw puzzle. Color in a coloring book. Get a Where’s Waldo book and look for the weirdest shit in the pictures. Try a new podcast! Listen to audiobooks! I don’t know, what do you like to do that’s been deemed off limits by a religious mentor/sponsor? What have you been convinced is stupid and childish but doesn’t hurt anyone else and actually brings you great joy? Do that thing. You’re allowed to do things that make you happy, you know.
4. For doorknob’s sake, resist going to a “meeting” upon a “failure.” You might find some measure of sympathy and reassurance in “the rooms,” but you’ll also be surrounded by people who think the sky is falling if they pass someone smoking a joint on the street, freaking out about “contact highs” and whatnot, and that mindset is infectious. You need people in your life who have not been thoroughly indoctrinated and can see through—and thoroughly reject—the premise of the program. You certainly don’t need to hand in any “chips” and start over. Consider the contradiction of a phrase like “progress, not perfection” being in the same place as “you fucked up, now hand in your medallions and start over from step 1 because our goal of abstinence from substances actually constitutes a goal of perfection.” We are human beings. We fuck up. Fucking up once after months of not fucking up does not take those months away from you.
5. If you’re still thoroughly convinced that a meeting, calling a sponsor, or reading the “Big Book” are the answers, I’d like you to seriously consider this: read Chapter 8: To Wives, and then this analysis. Among other things, Bill Wilson was a craven butthole who wanted to control every step of the narrative—he was too dishonest to let his wife, an actual wife, write the fucking chapter! If a book was published today with portions addressing a given demographic as a member of that demographic that turned out to be written by someone decidedly not in that demographic, there would be an uproar and it would throw the entire publication into question—yet somehow this chapter is yet to be removed from the Sacred Text. If one portion of a book is just made up fuckshit with no research involved, written in the voice of someone the author is definitely not, then that is fiction. This might imply the rest of the book is fiction. Approach things with a critical eye, especially if you’re been told not to look at it too deeply or look into anything other than official backstory. If you’ve been advised that outside opinions will put you and/or your “recovery” in jeopardy, that’s an indicator of coercive control. A spiritual practice requires a measure of skepticism and should be checked against people who don’t believe in it once in a while for perspective. If your practice still seems reasonable when you do that, carry on! But if your intuition says otherwise and is tugging at the hem of your mental sweater like a snot-nosed little kid asking if they can play on your phone, maybe listen to it.
6. This is basic advice for pretty much anyone, but don’t take yourself so fucking seriously!
7. To that end: get a Party City-ass blonde bob wig like this one. Remember He-Man? He… had… the POWERRRRRRR! So do you. So put the wig on, prance around your living room to this video, and channel that shit. Keep the wig around for any occasion upon which you need to remind yourself to not be such a dour bitch about this silly thing called life.
7a) This is not power over everything and all things. This is power over yourself, your situation, and your decisions using rationality. You can absolutely believe in some kind of deity or “power greater than yourself” and still have enough respect for your own autonomy that you take responsibility for yourself by claiming and owning your own power to do or not do things.
8. You are better than not believing in yourself or your ability to just get on with life. We’re all vulnerable creatures, but one group with a specific behavioral/compulsion problem is not inherently more cursed with difficulty than another. Loads of people grow out of serious problems simply because they stop needing certain coping mechanisms, or they get bored with them, but when you put that label on yourself for life—like calling yourself an alcoholic even if you haven’t had a drink in a decade or more—you’re dragging yourself down and inhibiting your own growth. I might sound unsympathetic, but believe me, I’m not. I was a pretty serious bulimic Back in The Day, and it took a lot of work and learning how to love and believe in myself to get past the compulsive need to medicate with food, but I think if I’d clung to that identity as a marker of self I’d still be freaking out over eating the “wrong” things and throwing up every day. I’d probably be dead, quite frankly. Part of recovering (not being in perpetual recovery, but recovering) from an eating disorder meant giving up judging myself and others for body stuff, eating habits, etc., etc. I also had to stop hanging around with just the women in my therapy group. If you limit your social circle to other people “in recovery” you might throw away perfectly good people who could lend valuable perspective when you need it most, or who will love you regardless of your status in program or “in recovery,” because they aren’t adhering to a set of weird social rules you have come to accept as regular. In my case I needed people who didn’t freak out about calories, judge what other people ate, and talk about food all the fuckin’ time. It was good for a little while to talk with people who shared my problem, but the longer that went on, the harder it was to stop being bulimic.
All of this to say: you are fine. You are better than fine. You’re amazing. Life is something that kind of happens to us—our parents may have chosen to have us, but none of us decided to exist. We do the best with what we’ve got. Sometimes we’re raised by people who handed down shitty coping skills or caused us to find brand new ones. That doesn’t mean you have to be that thing forever. Like, did you ever have an aunt or uncle you only saw once in a while, so they treated you at 17 like you were the same person as you were when you were 6? Remember how limiting and weird that felt? You’re allowed to grow, change, and reject labels that keep you down. If abstaining from a substance or a certain kind of food helps you feel safe then I’m not coming down on that. But it doesn’t have to be your whole self. You are not your “sobriety.” You might feel fragile sometimes but I promise you, you are strong as fuck. And anyone who encourages you to stay in a fragile mindset of powerlessness over an inert substance is not your friend.
Now let’s put on our blonde fuckass bob wigs and scream at the top of our lungs: WHAT’S GOING ONNNNNN?! HEYYY YEAH YEAH YE-HEAHHHH!
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lilimonarch · 2 years ago
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Doctor Hanahaki - The Memories that Never Return [9]
Doctor Hanahaki Prequel: Whumptober Spinoff!
Whumptober day 9: Polaroid and lyric prompt
~
Learning everything ain't what it seems, that's the thing about these days
"Who are they?"
Sugawara perked up from where he sat in his office, looking at one of the newer doctors who stared at him with beady blue eyes. He had taken a liking to the doctor in his residency, even though Sugawara was about done with his. "Friends, all that," he glanced at the polaroid pictures hung by his desk, full of what appeared to be joy. Sugawara thought Akaashi was strange, his desk had no sentimental decorations whatsoever. If anything, it appeared the younger doctor's only love was the screaming of sirens and the smell of sanitation.
"Can you tell me about some of the pictures?"
Sugawara chuckled a bit. They were both supposedly on their break (though they typically used that to fill out paperwork), he could spare the time. "I mean, I thought learning about stuff was going to be amazing, got accepted into a pre-med program, life was going swell. That stage when you want to learn everything about everything, when you feel invincible." Sugawara pointed to a polaroid with a taller male, a small grin on his face. "I guess that only applies when you're a kid."
~
One of Sugawara's biggest lessons was seeing his father come home with an alcohol bottle and beating his mother half to death. When he was younger, his mother would hide him in closets, or tell him it was an early night. Sugawara remembers being so excited when his mom told him he was going to have a sleepover at Daichi's house, never questioning why so soon.
Now, he's 16, standing in front of his mother and taking a bottle smash to the shoulder, but defending his mother nonetheless. A shrilling scream as he held his shoulder in agony, but pushing his disgrace of a father away with whatever strength he had left.
His next greatest lesson, seeing an overdose in person. Sugawara's horrid father, he's forever thankful he took his mother's last name. Waking up early before a match on a Saturday, seeing white powder dusting the living room coffee table and the man face down on the carpet. Sugawara has memories of playing in the snow, making cookies with his mother and making a mess with the white flour. This, he knew, was not snow or flour.
Now, he's 17, unsure of what to do with such a disgrace of a man, dead in his living room. This was the one time future Dr. Sugawara Koushi rejected someone in need, ignoring the tears which fell from his face and leaving the house to meet up with Daichi. After all, they had a match to play, a game to win.
Another one of Sugawara's biggest lessons was coming from school after volleyball practice, seeing his mother unconscious in a bloodied bathtub, her mouth hanging out and the color drained from her face as a knife sat on the edge of the bathtub. Sugawara shook his head and screamed, reaching for his phone to call an ambulance as he lifted the woman out of the tub, holding her close. He recalls falling asleep in her arms and her sweet lullabies whenever he had nightmares.
Now, he's 18, holding his mother to his chest as she took her last breaths, her long gone when the paramedics arrived. Crying and screaming as the paramedics pulled him away, him knowing he was truly alone.
~
"That's Daichi, he's my fiancé," Sugawara chuckled, looking at the polaroid. "He's been with me since day one, through the good and bad. It's important to have those people you lean on, I don't think I would have survived High School without him," 100% the truth. After the death of his mother, Daichi's family took him in. It was odd to be living in his boyfriend's house, (he can't count the times his mother would burst in on their room expecting something, only to find the pair doing homework or discussing volleyball strategies), but he survived that because of Daichi. "My past is rough, wish I didn't see what I saw, but you know, we see a lot worse here than anywhere."
Akaashi looked away. "Dr. Sugawara?" He asked, twiddling his fingers. "You said it's important to have someone to lean on, someone to help you with rough memories." Sugawara acknowledged the worries, tilting his head. "I don't have memories, or anyone. From high school, I mean. Well, I don't really want to learn about who I was back then, either. I want to move on."
Sugawara nodded, laying a hand on Akaashi's shoulder. "Say, I want to start a clinic when I'm properly done with my residency. Sometime in the future, and I could use a partner." He gave the shoulder a gentle squeeze. "You don't have to learn about the past if you don't want to, but I can be that person you lean on. How does that sound?"
Akaashi nodded.
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