#there's more to it and like people do analyze Ashton's feelings about this stuff more deeply

[astralleywright]

ngl i think ashton is treated the same as beau was. people laud their character development of becoming nicer when it's really a cover for "finally, they're not a hysterical angry bitch anymore!" which you can tell because a vast swath of post-campaign content assigns beau the role of "background lesbian". obviously ashton is not a woman nor a lesbian but i do remember people more or less ignored them until they started to be nicer, and thus more palatable and shippable with laudna or orym

yeah lol i mean i remember seeing so many "oh i like Ashton now???" posts in the tag in the last 15 or so eps, especially after their post-reunion sea change. which like on one hand, fine! i cannot blame anyone for not vibing with someone clearly meant to be caustic and offputting, both on a character creation level and also as an intentional front in-character, even if Ashton and i are similar enough that it's like, i do not think you'd like me in real life, or at least me from 5 years ago. and i think it's based and epic to like characters who suck so bad, and i think some people just refuse to engage further with a character who is unlikeable or overtly flawed, which is how we get people who stan the Only Sane Man Moral Compass Hero's Journey version of Orym. but i also get that there’s a difference between a character being unlikeable in a way that's appealing and a character being unlikeable in a way that one personally finds fucking unbearable. it's a noble and difficult goal to enjoy and analyze a character in the latter category (this is a grand experiment i'm trying with FCG), so like if ppl can't do it i prefer them not saying anything until they have something nice to say, i guess.

But with all that being said, there are still big obvious chunks of Ashton's story that ppl mostly ignore or brush over. Namely their recent antipathy towards the gods, interest in the primordials not just for backstory reasons but as a source of identity and meaning, and reclaiming of Hishari imagery. i think there's this assumption that the ideas and beliefs Ashton is embracing right now are a temporary stop to his real destination as like, Champion of the Luxon Who Thinks The Gods Are Alright? or at least, if not a response to where they think he's going, then one to where they want him to go, because they think the persepctives he's currently embracing are Inherently Bad and Incorrect and that the narrative should/will correct him. (shoutout to the post i saw that suggested Ashton's hero arc was a reaction to them realizing they did the wrong thing in Hearthdell but not wanting to admit it lol. amazingly bad post)

[utilitycaster]

forgive me if i don’t make sense bc i don’t really know how to articulate this, but taliesin talked a lot about “trying to figure out what punk means in exandria” and wondering what’s there to be angry about. and after the last string of episodes i feel like that it’s a question that he baked into ashton’s character. like yes ashton is punk and they have justified anger but the Rest of their anger is deflective to stop them from interrogating themselves and their decisions further. idk it’s really interesting to me

It is! It's something I really love about Ashton and it's something I think Taliesin was very thoughtful about in his character creation. I think Taliesin is extremely strong in character creation in general, and it's a rare person who can make a character based on a philosophical premise who also feels very real.

That really is the core of Ashton, and I think it's a great commentary. I do still intend to watch The Decline of Western Civilization Part III (winter break perhaps?) but I am broadly familiar with the gutter-punks on which Ashton was based, and again, the punk movement as a whole. There have always been politically-minded punks; but I advise you look up the backgrounds of, say, the average Fugazi/Minor Threat, Bad Religion, Dead Kennedys, or Propagandhi musician because they are, by and large, middle-class white guys with relatively stable and happy childhoods, and the idea of Ashton as someone dedicated to the Tumblr uwu kindness is punk "look at this perfect baby who doesn't steal pennies how kind and generous to only take literally everything else" archetype was always a massive projection. They've always been far more in the model of the Break Shit, Get Wasted punk than, well, the straight edge and veganism of the above.

(I also think that while it's true that a lot of punk houses did take in anyone and were something of a refuge for many a la Color In Your Cheeks, there was also a lot of Missing Stair Fallacy shit going on in the punk community even then. Ashton is in fact an example of the flaws in that sort of subculture: the Nobodies were there until they really, really weren't, and that's not unusual for that kind of punk friendship. It's found family until you're too inconvenient and dangerous to make it worth it. Taliesin explores this a lot, incidentally; that was very much what he was doing with Molly, and I would love to hear him talk about that kind of surface-level closeness that isn't strong enough to stick because as someone who both participates in fandom and loves to observe and analyze fandom as a phenomenon itself, it's a very real dynamic.)

Ashton has had an awful life. That's the premise. Nothing good has happened to them. There are plenty of valid reasons for them to be angry. Some are people who deserve it (their parents for the fucked up ritual; the Nobodies for abandoning them; Jiana Hexum for exploiting them), some are people who don't deserve their anger but to be fair haven't done anything to deserve their respect either (Percy, the gods), but many have been perfectly kind and reasonable and Ashton has rejected them because they're in a position of authority or seemed too nice. And there's plenty of stuff he's mad about that isn't easily pinned on anyone; the chronic pain is a shitty side effect of one or both of his traumas but no one person is responsible.

Ashton is an incredibly cynical person, and this extends to himself. As I've said before, I think they absolutely mean it when they say that they would have done the exact same thing the Nobodies would do, and this has been used to both cover up the intense hurt that came from their abandonment, but also, I think part of Ashton's own self-loathing comes from the fact that yeah, they are the kind of person who'd have done the same, and that isn't a very good person, and being angry at the Nobodies and Jiana and the world at large has allowed him to avoid looking that truth in the face. Ashton has always bounced between "I'll be the best broken thing I can be" and "what if I could be more? what if I could be what I could have been if things went well?" and also "who the fuck cares" and the reveal, that when the chips are down, he will make an ill-advised and self-destructive choice from that place of pain and anger has really rattled them. He can't keep just being angry and using that to shield himself from difficult questions. It won't just kill them, but it will hurt everyone around them too.

A really ugly truth of life is that even when something is completely not your fault and even when you have been dealt a rotten, unfair hand, often, you do have some degree of responsibility to deal with it ("And if it isn't my fault, I certainly didn't do anything to deal with it," as Ashton says.) The mere act of being angry is cathartic but doesn't actually solve anything. I think that's Keyleth's message to Orym, actually; it's not fair, and you're angry that it's not fair, but you need to use that anger to do things yourself instead of letting it consume you or passing the buck because it sure as hell isn't your turn. Ashton has, since the solstice, been playing tug of war with the idea that this anger has perhaps not been serving him, and he finally lost. Initially they realized a lot of this anger had been self-pity, but then, as they said, one week of thinking their parents actually were something led them to do the exact same dumb cult shit. Instead of stopping and listening to Evontra'vir and Allura, he said "no, I'm special, actually." And to be clear I think their motives were incredibly complicated and well-thought-out on Taliesin's part. It's not just because of his parents, it's not entirely selfish or out of heroics but those certainly did play a part, he did genuinely think it would help but he also ignored a number of warnings that it wouldn't. Again, I think the parallels between Ashton and FCG are glaringly obvious this episode, except Ashton hid their feelings with anger and FCG with a focus on everyone else's needs.

[caramelcal]

His Favorite Secret.

“I’m tired of being your secret.”

You can find the rest of the prompts here.

i really took this and ran with it huh...IT’S 4.3K WORDS

warnings: mentions of sex, gangs, alcohol, bondage

kinda obsessed with this gang!luke idea. also, i’m not sure if i wanna make “bambi” the reader or an oc, it works as either i believe? bambi is a nickname btw and i honestly feel like making more parts based on this concept tbh 

kinda wanna make another part LMAO idk what i’d do it on though </3

Luke was better to her than anything you could possibly expect. He was surprisingly gentle when it came to her, hugging and caressing her that seemed impossible for the way he was and the life he lived. People saw Luke as the 6-foot-odd man that could rip you apart without an issue, without even breaking a sweat but he was so much more than that.

He was so much more than the leather jacket-wearing gangster that everyone depicted him as; heartless and stoic. He was a great lover if he let people in, and she had never been loved that way with anyone before. Surely though, with his life, there were complications to their relationship.

He was different from other people, more violent, more dangerous. The gang, which was run by Luke and three of his closest friends, Calum, Ashton and Michael, was well-known and feared among many, but they were left alone by the police. The police were aware that they existed, but they didn’t do anything about it. There were more cons to arresting them than there were pros.

Luke’s life made everything very interesting. He was rich, of course, and after a while of them dating she had moved into his condo. It was massive, bigger than any house she had ever lived in before and it was just for the two of them. It was a luxurious life that she had not experienced before, and she was still getting used to it.

If there was one thing about Luke that she had learned, it was that buying her things was his love language. He never had been great at the romantic side of their relationship considering he hadn’t had a girlfriend in a long time and normally just had one-night stands, but he tried his best. That didn’t meant that he ever softened up during sex, though. 

Another thing about his life that made stuff interesting was that Luke had to drop things for work. Sometimes stuff would go wrong on a run, or other gangs would try stuff with them and he would have to leave. It was understandable, but still frustrating for her, especially the one time where an emergency had occurred right in the middle of them having sex.

Luke had been very busy the past few weeks, having to deal with numerous issues with the gang and barely having enough time to spend with the needy girl who craved his attention. There had been issues in the club, that was what he had said, but he didn’t go into much detail on the matter, he never did. He liked to keep his relationship and gang life very separate from one another. 

A lot of the mornings this week she had woke up alone, void of the warmth she liked to cuddle into in the morning. At least she was getting him all to herself this weekend, she thought. After barely spending anytime with her that weekend, Luke had promised they would spend the weekend together, even if the club was set on fire. Calum, Ash and Mike will deal with it. 

“Bambi?” The nickname fell from his lips when he stepped in the front door. She brought her eyes up to look at him, happiness filling her features. She hadn’t been expecting him home for another few hours, but she definitely wasn’t complaining.

Running over to him, she jumped, knowing full well that he would catch her as her arms wrapped around his neck. Her head snaked into the nape of his neck, comfortingly taking in the scent of her favorite person, his arms holding her protectively close to his body. They were alone, thankfully enough. After all, she really hadn’t thought out her jumping hug because her short skirt had ridden up, showing off her underwear which Luke most definitely would be furious if anyone but him saw.

“Welcome home,” She whispered into his neck, hand coming up to play with the hair on the back of his neck. Her eyes fluttered, eyelashes tickling the skin on Luke’s neck as he rubbed her back, taking in the comfort of having the smaller girl in his arms.

He walked forward so that he was fully in the house, using his leg to kick the door shut behind him before walking towards the middle of the room near the couch. He slowly lowered himself until he was sitting down on the plush cushions, the girl now in his lap, still being held closely.

“Bambi?” Luke started, making sure that the girl was listening, to which she hummed into the side of his neck, not willing to move just yet, “I know you wanna hug and kiss and stuff right now but we don’t have much time to pack your bags, you have to stay at the safe house for a few days.”

Almost immediately, the warmth of her face was gone from his neck, and her hands were no longer playing with his hair. She was still held tightly on his lap, mostly because he held her there with a semi-firm grip, her looking up at him with furrowed eyebrows and sad eyes.

This wasn’t the first time this had happened. In fact, it had happened quite a few times and each time it made her rather frustrated. She had to remove every single piece of evidence that she even existed in the apartment, and get hidden away in a safe house for the entire weekend, on the edge of town, where she wasn’t allowed to leave until Luke got her himself.

She hated the safe house.

“But you said-”

“Bambi,” Luke cut her off rather firmly, sending her a look which she knew meant that there were no arguments in this. She almost wanted to whine, to argue with Luke and tell him that he said this was going to be their weekend together, just them, no gang stuff, but now she wasn’t even going to get to see him at all this weekend, “I need to have a few low levels over to go over plans, and they’ll be over tomorrow which means we can’t let them know you’re here or that you exist. They still can’t fully be trusted yet, which means that they could be moles and I’m not putting you at risk for that.”

His speech was ended in a soft tone, looking down at her with a small amount of sadness for the girl. His hand comfortingly raked through her hair, piercing blue eyes looking at her but her eyes stay looking down. Slowly, without saying anything, she climbed off of his lap and started to retreat to their bedroom.

“Bambi? Where you goin, baby?” He called out, looking at the girl who stopped in her tracks, looking over her shoulder.

“I’m packing. That’s what you wanted me to do, was it not?”      

Not many words were exchanged afterward with the girl silently packing away every aspect of her life into two duffle bags. She wasn’t even allowed to properly live in her own house, no decorations, photos in frames, nothing. Everything she owned had to be easily removable so it looked like she didn’t even exist in her own home.

Luke watched her from the bedroom door, leaning against the frame coolly as he analyzed her movements. He knew she was frustrated, but she had to know he was doing this to protect her, she should have anyway. Rather harshly, she finally zipped up the duffle bags, throwing them over her shoulder and walking straight past Luke without acknowledging him.

He understood that she was frustrated, but was she really angry at him?

She was quickly at the door, grasping at the handle when Luke had snapped out of his thoughts, walking over to her quickly with ease, taking a grip on her arm.

“You okay?”

“Dandy,” She replied bluntly, looking away from the slightly concerned man, almost as if she was itching to get away from him. Normally, even if she wasn’t happy about being sent away to the safe house, she still gave him a goodbye kiss, but it appeared that he wasn’t going to get one of those tonight, “Gotta go. Wouldn’t want to keep Jacob waiting, would we?”

She walked out of the apartment without another word, but Luke’s eyes were on her retreating figure, “We’ll speak about this on Sunday, okay baby?”

He barely even seen the nod that she sent him before she disappeared down the hallway.

. . . “Please, Jacob,” She pleaded with the driver, with puppy eyes and everything but he tried his best to remain stony-faced. Jacob was the only driver that Luke trusted Bambi with, he had grown up with the boys too, childhood friends with Michael apparently, who Bambi had never even met before.

Jacob was the leading driver for the gang, one of the getaway drivers for bigger and more important heists or events, but normally he just got called in for private transport of any important members of the gang. He, as well as practically anyone who had ever met the girl, had a soft spot for her, and she knew that.

“You do realize if I take you there that I am directly disobeying orders of the leader of one of the biggest gangs in California?” He asked ridiculously, shaking his head with his hands placed firmly on the wheel.

“Jacob-”

“No,” He replied firmly, looking at the girl through the rearview mirror, seeing her begging eyes and sad face.

The man knew that everything was frustrating for the girl, especially when she had to get up and move out of her own house just so that Luke could host meetings and debriefings for the gang.

“Please, Jacob. I’m going to be cooped up in a safe house for three days without talking to anyone, at least let me go to Anna’s for a few hours. She’s been my best friend since I was three, she’s trustworthy.”

The black-haired man didn’t reply for several moments, and a frown fell onto the girl’s face before he started to signal off the highway. It was a familiar road, the one that she had taken many times before to her best friend’s house, and honestly, she had never been happier to see it. At least she would get some enjoyment this weekend.

“Thank you so much, Jacob, just tell me how I can repay you,” The girl said once she was out of the car, bouncing lightly in excitement while she stared at the man who was still inside the car.

He gave her a small smile, one that showed he knew how much appreciation she felt towards him before his eyes turned to the door behind her, “Just enjoy yourself and make sure he doesn’t fire me for this.”

“Consider it done.”

It was nice to see Anna again, it had been two weeks since their last meet up and they had both missed each other greatly. Anna was drinking alcohol, but the smaller girl wasn’t. It wasn’t like she was afraid of what Luke would say if she did, because she certainly wasn’t afraid of Luke, but even though she was angry she didn’t want to disappoint him.

Not that she had exactly abided by his rules anyway, considering she was with Anna right now instead of locked inside the safe house. The safe house had slowly become the girl’s own personal prison, it was bare, bland, and had nothing for her to entertain herself, and there was no company. That’s what she hated most about it, the lack of social interactions she could have while she was in there.

“-we were talking about the weather and shit right? Then he asked to see my tits! I was like are you being serious right now?” Anna rambled on, talking about another failed love interest that had been using her for her body. Anna never seemed to be lucky in the dating apartment of life, but she was a successful girl, and a beautiful one at that, she would get there. 

“Was he?”

Anna scoffed, taking another drink of her alcohol, “Yeah! He blocked me after I sent him pictures of minecraft chests and asked him what ones were his favourite.”

The smaller girl let out a laugh, looking at her best friend who had a sly grin on her face, trying to hide it with the glass in her hands. 

“Speaking of guys though, how’s Mr. Hemmings then?” Anna jokingly asked the girl, cocking an eyebrow with a smirk on her face, swaying to the music that was loudly playing in the background.

“He’s good, I mean he’s doing good,” The smaller girl quickly corrected herself before her dirty-minded friend could make a joke about their sex life or ask about it. Anna hummed lightly, still smug and still swaying to the music, “I was supposed to be going to the safe house, but I’m here instead, I don’t think he’s very happy.”

“Girl, you’ve been here for nearly two hours!” Anna cried out in shock, eyes wide at the clear defiance that the small girl had for her 6-foot-odd gang leader boyfriend.

“And?”

“He’s bound to know by now! He’s not going to bust through my doors with his gang and shoot the place down is he?”

The girl shrugged lazily in reply, letting some of her hair fall in front of her face as she smiled at her friend, “Yeah he does know, he’s been blowing up my phone for an hour and a half.”

Anna fell dramatically against the back of the couch, hand still tight around her glass of lemonade and pink gin. Her free hand was laying across her forehead with her eyes shut, “Oh please tell me you’ve replied.”

“Nope.”

“Oh come on, I really like my door, believe it or not, I don’t want him or any of his gang members kicking it down!” Anna cried out, giving her best friend a pout to which she just laughed lightly in response.

“He won’t knock your door down, he probably won’t even come. He’s too busy debriefing his gang to even spend time with me and instead shipped me out of the house. Why does he care whether it’s yours or the safe house?”

However, she couldn’t have been more wrong because less than ten minutes later they heard a roaring engine speeding down the road. Anna, who shared a quick look with the smaller girl, got up and looked out the window, seeing no other than Luke gets out of his very expensive sports car and towards the house, “Guess you were wrong.”

He threw the door open, thankfully not breaking it down, his eyes quickly landing on the small girl, grabbing her and pulling her off of the couch, planting her by his side. His grip was tight on either side of her hips, almost as if it was a warning to stay by his side and cooperate for once in her life.

“Anna,” His accented voice wrung through the room as he gave the blonde a curt nod. She waved back awkwardly, maybe too hazed by the alcohol in her system to stay anything intelligible back, and Luke seemed to realize this, “don’t stay up too late, get a good sleep, okay?”

“Aye captain, yes sir,” She saluted him back with a smile on her lips, almost diffusing the tension in the room but it was barely a second later where Luke’s grip retightened on his girlfriend’s hips.

“Okay, good night.” He bid her farewell, walking out of the house with his slightly anxious girlfriend behind him. It seemed as if suddenly she was filled with regret and guilt, especially after seeing how angry Luke was with her.

“It isn’t Jacob’s fault I-” She started when the door shut behind them, the cold wind of the night surrounding her.

“Don’t,” He spoke gruffly, turning around to look down at her with angry blue eyes before grabbing onto her wrist and dragging her over to his car.

Luke hadn’t even locked his car when he had rushed inside to Anna’s house, not that he would be too bothered anyway, it wasn’t like anyone was going to steal the gang leader’s car, especially not in this neighborhood. He didn’t speak another word to the girl as he took her around to her side of the car, letting her get in before he leaned over and strapped her in, closing the door without a single word and getting in his own side.

He started the car up and the only noise heard in the car was the engine as it roared to life and they began to speed down the street. His blond hair was messy, jaw ticking with his eyes glued to the road, never once straying to the girl in the passenger’s seat. Her eyes, however, never strayed from him, picking up every sign that he was furious with her. His posture was rigid, he was impatient, breathing loudly and not even acknowledging her existence beside her; he was seething.

She wasn’t sure if they arrived too fast or too slow to the safe house honestly. Luke still didn’t utter a word, getting out of the car and slamming the door behind him. She knew not to move already, she knew that Luke didn’t want her to move and honestly she didn’t want to aggravate him further.

True to her belief, Luke opened her car door, undoing her seatbelt before pulling her out of the car. His eyes didn’t stay on her as he stormed into the house, a tight grip on the smaller girl’s wrist. She tried to get his attention, for him to say anything to her as he entered the house but it appeared he wasn’t in the mood to talk.

The main room was still dark, but just the feeling of being in here makes her feel sick. She wasn’t overexaggerating when she said how much she hated the safe house. It felt as if she was defeated, back where she didn’t want to be, somewhere she hated, and with her boyfriend furious at her.

In the time that she had been thinking of how much she loathed the building she stood in, Luke had let go of her wrist and wordlessly made his way towards the front door again. The thought of him leaving her here, frustrated and alone all weekend made annoyance bubble in her stomach and before she can help herself she’s shouting over at him, “So that’s it? Are you just going to lock me in here and leave again?”

Luke stilled, but he doesn’t bother to reply or even look at his girlfriend, just standing there like a statue. She can’t find it in herself to regret the words that come out of her mouth, especially after she awaits the nonexistent reply, causing annoyance to bluster in her stomach. Her eyes roll and her arms flail slightly before they slap against her thighs with a low scoff falling out of her lips, “Typical.”

“Excuse me?” Luke turned around, his voice hard and powerful, one that would normally make her shake, make her look up at him with wide eyes unsure of what to say. Their eyes meet, his blue piercing into hers. He took a step forward, tilting his head slightly with an eyebrow raised, almost as if he’s encouraging her to repeat what she had said moments before, “What did you say, Bambi?”

Her mouth was agape as she stuttered lightly, any feeling of bravery that she had mere seconds ago fizzling away into nothingness. Her eyes darted from one of his eyes to the other, looking at the expectant and slightly smug face as he looked at the stuttering girl in front of him. She tried her best to find the right words to say but she had, ultimately, been rendered speechless.

“Come on, if you’re so big and brave, baby, why don’t you speak up a little? Tell me what you said.” He walked towards her until he’s right in front of her, chests barely ten centimeters apart. Two of his fingers make their way under her chin, pushing her face up until she had no other choice but to look him in the eye, holding her face in such a way that she can’t move easily.

Silence filled the room once more, simply with the two of them staring at one another. Luke stared down at her with a slight smugness and with her looking up at him still frozen almost. When he does talk next, he muttered quietly, almost condescendingly with anger trailing in his voice, “You ruined an important meeting tonight all because you couldn’t follow a simple instruction-”

“Well, believe it or not, I don’t like to be locked up in a house for days on end like a caged animal,” She doesn’t even register that she’s speaking until she’s finished, the words flowing out of her mouth cutting off Luke’s lecture.

“This house is to keep you safe,” His grip on her jaw doesn’t loosen at this point in time, blue eyes swimming with rage. In all of their time together, he doesn’t remember his Bambi giving him this much attitude or a time where she’s tried to argue with him like this. Sure, there were times where they had disagreements or times where there had been a little bit of attitude but he had quickly sorted that out.

“I was safe at Anna’s and I was happy. Isn’t that what you want? For me to be happy?” Her voice is quiet, bottom lip threatening to quiver. She hated how she cried whenever she got frustrated, and right now she’s barely holding back from her eyes becoming glassy. She’s frustrated and annoyed, but she doesn’t want to look like a baby right now, especially when this was her first fight with Luke.

“Don’t try and guilt trip me now, Bambi. It isn’t going to work tonight.”

“I hate it here! I hate constantly having to move into this stupid fucking house where I have nothing to do and no one to talk to! It doesn’t even fucking have wifi or anything! It’s dumb and all because you’re paranoid!” After she finished shouting, she ripped her head out of his hold, standing back and away from him, back coming in contact with the marble counter of the kitchen island.

Her arms are crossed over her chest, and as Luke processed her words, he shook his head. His next words are low, like it’s a warning, “Don’t shout at me like that.”

“I’m not-”

“Listen here, doll, because I’m only going to tell you this once,” Luke doesn’t even let her finish before he’s talking. His voice is forceful and strong, something he normally reserved for when his men do something stupid like ruin a drug run, “You don’t call the shots here, I do. I’m in a gang and there are a lot of people that would put a bullet in your pretty little skull just to get to me,” He pressed a finger against her temple, hard enough for her to feel the pressure but not enough for it to hurt her, “People die in this lifestyle and I send you here so it doesn’t happen to you. Don’t tell me that I’m paranoid because I’m trying to keep you safe.”

“I get it, I do-”

“Then why won’t you just do what I say?”

“Because I’m tired of being your secret.” She whispered, looking up at Luke’s blue eyes sadly, tears gathering in her own eyes. His head dipped a little, shifting his weight onto his hands which are on either side of her, trapping her against the kitchen’s island counter.

It took Luke a few seconds to finally muster up words, and just from his tone she can tell that he’s disappointed, maybe in himself, maybe because of how she thought of their relationship, “You aren’t my-”

“Then why have I never met Cal? O-Or Mikey? Why is the only time I’ve ever met Ashton an accident? And why do you constantly send me away even if it’s only people you trust going to be there? And-”

“Bambi,” Luke groaned lightly but got cut off straight away when the girl continued to rant, barely even realizing that he had tried to cut her off.

“This was supposed to be our weekend and you just sent me away. I was so excited to finally get a whole weekend of you to myself but no, I was shipped off to this shithole again-”

“This was all because you just wanted me to yourself?” Luke asked incredulously, an eyebrow raised at the girl whose eyes snapped up to meet his.

“That’s what you want, Bambi? You got it.” Luke said, his eyes staying on hers, never wavering as he commanded. He pushed back, hands off the counter and now standing at his full height, towering over her with his eyes never leaving hers, “Hands out. Now.”

“Luke what-”

Her eyes frantically search his face, eyebrows knitting together in confusion. She can feel her heart rate pick up, beating loudly in her chest.

“No, Bambi. You’ve done plenty talking tonight. No talking unless I ask you a question, got it?”

She nodded her head, gulping down the thickness in her throat as a thick leather wrapped around her wrists, constricting them. Her mouth parted slightly, she hadn’t even seen or heard Luke take off his belt, but now she can’t even part her hands anymore.

His head dropped to her neck and she can feel her stomach flutter simply by his breath fanning over the skin on her neck. His hand made its way up to the nape of her neck, grabbing a handful of hair and yanking on it so her neck is fully exposed to him, “You’ve me all to yourself tonight, Bambi. And you’re all mine.”

[unlikelyempathpruneauthor]

I want it all Calum Hood x Reader

Summary: reader gives him space while he is on tour and Calum starts to worry.

A/N: alright so I got this from the kissing booth 2, so yeah lol. I usually know what to type in here but I somehow lost how to do it. anyway hope you enjoy and remember feedback is always allowed! love you all! also sorry if this is too short.

Calum had been leaving for a tour and you just knew every inch of you was going to miss him, you had no idea how the distance would affect your relationship, but you knew that you would have to give him some sort of freedom when he was doing something that he was so passionate about. You trusted him with all your heart and knew he would be as loyal as you were back home.

As he was packing he had asked for your help, you didn't really know how to act, so you just stood quite, cal noticed the small change in your attitude, you were more quiet and this worried cal that tour might be a dealbreaker for you and change your mind but you were actually the complete opposite. You were very proud of him and the band and the support you had was all there, you were just going to miss him which was normal since he was going away, but you didn't want to be that clingy girlfriend.

Cal stopped with what he was doing and was the first to break the silence, “hey, you alright love?” he said as you looked up with a frown, “yeah im okay, why?” you asked as you placed his clothing in the suitcase and he took your hands in his, “i just, uh you seem kinda distant since i told you i was going away for tour,” he said as you sighed, “sorry i didn't mean it to seem like that, i'm just gonna miss you is all cal, i’ve honestly never really experienced this ever, sorry-” you said as he cut you off softly, “no- it's okay, sorry i forget that sometimes, i'm gonna miss you too, so much, you are it for me you know that, i'll come back to you. I promise.” he said as he placed you on his lap as you smiled and pushed his hair out of his face, “i know you will bubs, and i will be here waiting for you, you're the only one for me.” you said as he smiled and took you in a hug wanting to be close to you, close to the point where he could feel your heartbeat.

Ever since he left, your days would go on much slower than usual, you had duke with you since cal wanted you to have some company and you were okay to watch him as well so he could work without worrying. Him leaving for tour wasn't the first time, but you still needed to get used to it. It was normal to have the need to want to see him but you didn't want to bother him while he was one tour. Of course you messaged him about duke and let him know how he was doing, you didn't really talk about yourself or about him. There was some constant communication within one another but it was small and cal wanted more. He didn't know how to ask, but he wanted more than the small texts you were answering. He had even talked to the guys about it wanting some advice. He was worried you were going to break up with him because of the distance.

“I don't know how to ask her i want more, i feel like i established what we are when i left,” he said as ashton nodded, “did you two talk before you left?” he asked as cal shook his head, “no we didn't, things were fine the way i left, we are fine now, but i'm just worried something is gonna happen..” he said as luke and michael were both in on this conversation, “like what?” michael asked as cal sighed, “what if she's breaking up with me, thats why shes not talking to me” he said as luke shook his head, “maybe she's giving you space like, having you worry less about what she may be going through,” ashton said as luke elaborated, “yeah she might think that traveling and going on tour is enough on your plate, she doesn't want to be a bothersome or clingy. Not saying she is, but this is probably what she feels or thinks.” he said as michael nodded, “yeah i agree with that, you two just need to talk and you need to reassure her and tell her what you want and what you are.” he said as calum nodded knowing that he would call you after the show.

“What if she doesn't want to, what if she doesn't answer” he said as ashton spoke, “well text her before hand, tell you her you want to talk before she goes to sleep.” he said as michael nodded, “ask her about her day and stuff,” he said as luke nodded, “yeah and then bring in the conversation,” luke said as cal nodded.

After their show he had called you but there was no answer, nothing from you not even a text back. You on the other hand had seen the phone ring but of course thought the absolute worst and didn't answer the call. The messages, yeah you saw them, again you didn't respond. It was around 12 at night and you were starting to feel guilty about not answering and you texted him first reading the text.

…

Hey dovey, just wanted to let you know I'm calling you after my show, so hopefully you will answer. @9:00

…

I forgot the time zones were different, so it's fine. I'll try to call you when you're either free or not sleeping. Love you. @10:34

…

Hey, it's fine no worries, talk to you soon love you and take care. @12:01

Honestly what could you say. You didn't know what to say at all. You didn't want him worrying about you. He had his tour and that's what you wanted him to focus on. His tour. That's it. He could worry about you when he got back. Your mind would keep telling you to leave him be and to not be clingy so you listened to the small voice, but you didn't know how much it was affecting Cal that you weren't talking to him.

It Sounds so weird to say, but I mean you didn't want to be that clingy girlfriend who just always talked to her boyfriend 24/7. You didn't want to ruin his tour experiences by you always being there. Which was one of the reason why you didn't go on tour when he had asked you if you could come. To be frank you had saved sick days, but you didn't want to bother him, you didn't want him and his friends to feel weird with you being there, even if all their girlfriends were going.

You were at work just finishing up some emails as normal as you saw your phone light up with calum’s name on your screen.

Hey dovey, whats up?

You looked at the screen and just went straight back to your computer not wanting to answer fast and making you seem like you had missed him a lot, again your overthinking brain was doing the analyzing and not you. A couple minutes later it had vibrated again and you got into the chat but didn't type you just looked at the message.

You there?

You sighed and you were contemplating on what you should do, you thought just call him and talk to him, but a part of you was telling you to not call him since he could be busy.

Seconds later your boss came towards you as you frowned, “hey you have a phone call from your dad called, he said it's some family emergency and urgent” she said as you were quick to your feet wondering why your dad called you at work knowing that he had your phone number.

“The phones over there,” she said as you nodded and walked over to the office and picked up the phone, “hello?” you said as you heard his voice, “whats going on with you?” you heard cal say as your eyes went wide as you coughed, “what- what do you mean dad?” you said pretending to be shocked as you looked over at your boss as she looked at you with worry, “why aren't you texting me back.” he said as you tried to find an excuse to leave you alone to talk to cal.“oh-what? That's terrible horrible news about...Aunt...Pepper.” you said as your boss looked over at you, “is everything okay?” she asked as you looked at her with a sad look, “no, uh could i have a moment in private?” you asked as she nodded leaving you in the office alone as you were brought back to the situation, “why are you pretending to be my dad?” you asked as he sighed, “it was the only way i could think to get you on the phone” he said worried as you sighed, “oh that is not true” you said as he shook his head, “no it is true, you barely call and when you text, you send these weird two-word text messages, like you kno, “take care” and “talk soon.” he said as you sighed and he thought the worst wondering why this was happening, “are-are you breaking up with me?” he asked as you were quick to respond, “what no no no no! The opposite.” you said as he spoke back, “then what? Why? Why are you ignoring me dovey?” he asked as you exhaled, “cal, i..i don't know, well i'm trying to be mature and not come off as some clingy girlfriend,”  you said as he frowned, “y/n, i told you i wanted to make this work,” he said as you sighed opening up to him, “yeah i know but people always say that when they leave. I guess I'm just giving you space. you know for tour and stuff, i don't want to bother you with texts and facetime calls.” you said as he frowned, “space for what love? I don't want space, I want you. I want you all around me all the time. I want you right now with me” he said as you smiled at his words.

“Im sorry cal, i miss you a lot, i want you here with me too, i'm sorry i made you worry.” you said as he took a breath in, “don't be sorry dovey, i love you okay? i want you to check up on me with text and facetime calls. I want it all even if you're clingy, I don't care, I want it. You're my girlfriend and I'm your boyfriend aren't I dovey.” he said as you nodded as if he was there, “yeah you are.” you said as he smirked, “i'm your what?” he asked as you rolled your eyes, “you're my boyfriend.” you said very peachy as he chuckled.

“Now just text me alright, i don't care what it is as long as it something from you, it can even be a meme, but i want you to text me okay?” he said as you giggled, “okay i will,” you said with a smile as he spoke again, “i'm gonna call you after my show, i want to talk to you before you fall asleep.” he said as you blushed a little, “alright i'll be waiting bubs.” you said as you said your goodbyes and ended the call.

Despite your overthinking brain you were left reassured that this man was going to be in your life forever no matter what and the unconditional love will always be there. Cal knew this as well, probably since the first time he met you. You two were perfect for one another and there was nothing that could tell you two otherwise.

[fockfjdkfncnfn]

After party glow | Calum hood smut

summary: you and cal had plans for a night in but suddenly remember you have to go to a party. Calum is anxious and a little nervous at first but loosens up at the party and things a lil freakayyyy ;)

warnings: slight daddy kink, some cute fluff stuff, oral (male receiving) uhhhm yea

word count: 2772

A/N: this is my first smut i’ve ever written and honestly i’m pretty proud of it lol so if you could reblog it if you like it, i would appreciate that a lot and also plz give feed back, good or bad! also requests are open :) okay, i hope you enjoy!

——————————————————————————-

it was a Friday night and you and calum had planned on staying in tonight and watch movies together. you hadn’t been able to spend much quality time with him because both your work schedules has been clashing lately. outside it was windy and you could hear the strong gusts of wind and rain drops hitting the windows of your home.

as you were settling down and getting comfortable on the sofa, you watch calum as he stands in front of the tv deciding what movie to watch. “any suggestions, babe?” he says, looking at you with a soft smile on his face. “hmmm we could monsters inc? i know it’s your favorite”. you knew that calum had been feeling a little home sick lately and you’d been feeling a bit helpless since you didn’t know how to help and you thought suggesting his favorite childhood movie would subtly let him know that you were here for him if he needed to talk, and also for him to feel some comfort. “sounds good to me” he says and lays down on the sofa, resting his head on your lap.

you look down to see his dark brown eyes focused on the screen and you start to rake your fingers through his soft curls, analyzing the little streaks of blonde still left in his hair since he bleached it. as you lift your hand to run your fingers through his hair once more, you get interrupted by calum’s phone going off.

he looks at his phone and lets out a frustrated sigh. “everything okay?” you say as you brush through his hair. calum sits up causing his curls to slip through your fingers. “babe, i know we planned to stay in tonight but i completely forgot that Luke was throwing a party tonight and i promised we’d go. ashton just texted me asking where we were”. you look at him with a puzzled look on your face, “oh, why didn’t you tell me he invited us?” you say. you noticed that calum started to become flustered and anxious. “i was meant to tell you last night but i was so tired and forgot about it i know you’re really tired and-“

“cal, it’s okay i understand” you say cutting him off. you knew the stress had gotten to him because he was tripping over his words and fumbling with his hands when he was trying to explain himself.

you see relief wash over him after you speak. “honestly y/n i don’t really wanna go out tonight and i know you don’t either. but i promised Luke i’d be there”. usually you and cal were the type to never turn down a party, but for the past month or so, with your busy schedules you both hadn’t been to one in a long time.

he was right you didn’t want to go out tonight, but you knew that saying that woukd cause him to be more stressed then he already was. “okay well, we should start getting ready then” you say with a smile on your face as you turn off the tv.

you walk into you and calum’s room and open up the door that led you into your walk in closet and start to fish through your clothes. calum shortly follows your foot steps and does the same.

“babe, you should wear that black dress you wore on our first date, it’s my favorite” calum says with a smirk on his face. “good idea!” you say as you grab it to take it into the bathroom. “where are you going?” calum says, “you still feel uncomfortable getting dressed in front of me?” he says with a giggle. “of course not!” you protest “i wanna do my make up all pretty and show you when i’m done” you say with a grin as you swiftly turn on your heels to face the exit of the closet and walk out. you and calum hadn’t had the chance to go out in a long time, so he hadn’t seen you dressed up in a while and vice versa.

you walk into the bathroom and lock the door behind you. you rest your hands in front of you on the edge of the sink and look up to stare at your reflection and smile with excitement as you grab your foundation and get to work. you decided to do a classic make up look consisting of foundation, winged liner, red lipstick and a little blush. “just how he likes it” you whisper to yourself as you add the finishing touches. you quickly straighten your hair as you hear cals voice echo through the hall way.

“gotta go in ten minutes my love!”

“okay!” you say.

you take off your clothes and slip on the black dress and take one last look into the mirror before you walk out. you smile and go to unlock the door. you open it just a crack to peek through the gap to make sure calum isn’t in the room. once you affirm yourself that he isn’t there, you quickly go into your closet to get out your black heels to match your dress.

“babe we gotta go!” you hear calum yell again. you hear the sound of his keys rattling, meaning he’s already at the door ready to go. you quickly slip on your heels and walk out into the hall way. you hear calum about to call for you again until he hears your foot steps as you walk around the corner. his focus quickly moves from his keys to you and you could see the lust start to form in his eyes. “you look beautiful” he says softly, with a smile and look of admiration on his face. calum was wearing a black dress shirt and black jeans with a black and red blazer. you could tell he tried to match your dress and coincidentally, it matched your makeup too. “thanks” you say with a nervous laugh as you look down at the reflection on your shiny black heels. you and calum had been dating for over six months now, but you never get used to his compliments. it brings back the feeling of butterflies every time. “hey! your outfit matches mine!” you say, trying to get the attention off of you. he giggles and offers his hand out to you. you take it as he unlocks the door and you both walk out to his car.

once you reach the car, he walks over to your side and opens the door for you “for my love” he says with a grin. “well thank you kind sir” you say playfully as you hop in. you watch as he walks around to the other side of the car and get in. he shuts the door and lets out another big sigh as he takes a hold of the steering wheel before starting the car. you knew that calum had been feeling anxious lately due to all the stress that he’d been experiencing but you’d never seen him get anxious or nervous before a party which mainly consisted of people he knew.

“hey” you say softly, resting a hand on his thigh. “it’s gonna be okay, we can just go for a little bit and if you feel uncomfortable or uneasy, we can go” you say. he turns to you, putting his hand on your cheek. “what would i do without you princess” he says and starts the car. the car ride was peaceful, there was music playing in the background and you didn’t talk much, but you could tell that you both appreciated just being in each other’s presence. as you neared Luke’s house, you notice all the colorful lights and loud music playing. calum parks the car and you both hop out. as you start walking towards the house you link your arm around his and you look up at him, seeing that he’s already looking at you with a smile on his face.

when you walk in you’re greeted with flashing lights, the smell of tequila and sierra running towards you. “Y/N!!!! you made it!” she says, hugging you tight. “how have you been?!” you say as you let go of eachother. “i’m doing good! just doing the usual you know, nothing crazy” she says. as you get lost in conversation with Sierra you notice that calum isn’t by your side anymore but across the room talking to Michael and a few other unfamiliar faces. “Wanna go say hi and meet the others?” Sierra says. “sure!” you say as she grabs your hand and leads you through the crowd.

“ayyyy y/n! so glad you could make it” Michael says as he goes in for a hug. “these are my friends” Michael says as he introduces the others standing next to him. Moments later you hear whispering behind you and before you could turn around to see who it was Luke picks you up and throws you over his shoulder. “guess who!” he says as he’s laughing and swinging you around. you laugh uncontrollably as he gently puts you down. “can always count on you to give me some weird greeting can’t i Hemmings?” you say giggling as he puts you down. you both laugh and as you do, you see Ashton behind him poking his head through. “hi y/n!” he says. “so i see you finally managed to drag calum out to a party?” he says playfully and looks at calum. they both laugh and you go to the kitchen to grab you and calum a drink. you thought you’d grab a can of coke instead of alcohol since cal was driving tonight and you got a can of sprite for yourself. you go back to join the crowd and slightly tug at calums arm to hand him the drink. you see his hands reach out to grab the drink. “thanks babe” he says quietly and you see him immerse himself back into the conversation which brought you some relief because you could tell he was feeling less anxious.

as the night goes on, you notice people slowly start to leave and the house become quieter and quieter. after everyone left, it was just you, Cal, Luke, Sierra, Ashton, Kay kay, Michael and Crystal and you all decided to have a bonfire. as everyone gathered around the fire, talking and laughing, you notice a hand rubbing on your thigh. you ignore it and continue the conversation but quickly break away when you notice the hand getting a little to high for comfort. you turn to calum and see he has a smirk on his face. “and what do you think your doing?” you say as you put your hand on top of his to shift it down. “i need to use the bathroom babe” he says with a smirk on his face. “mhmm, i think you can do that by yourself” you say and turn your back to him to get back to talking to Crystal and Sierra. you feel a hand go from the small of your back to the curve of your waist and hear a soft husky voice in your ear “i think i need a little help princess”. you start to feel blood rush to your cheeks as his hand slips away and you watch him get up and walk into the house. without hesitation you get up to go follow him. “u-uh, i’ll be back guys” you say as you quickly get up and lightly jog to catch up to him. as you do, you see him turn round the corner and go into the bathroom. as you walk in and turn to lock the door, calum turns you back and pushes you against it, quickly forcing it shut as his hands wrap round your waist and he goes in for a passionate kiss. you giggle and break away from the kiss “someone’s feeling better” you say. “i was nervous before but watching you all night, dolled up like that and in that pretty little dress, you were the only thing i could see in the room. the thought of that helped me calm down but now it’s a problem cause you’re really turning me on babe” he says with a grin. you giggle as he leans closer to you so that you could feel his bulge through his jeans.

your lips reconnect and calum starts to snake his hands up your dress to unzip it and slip it off along with your underwear, leaving you naked. you pull of his shirt and start rubbing the bugle through his jeans which earns you a slight moan from him. you kneel down and start undoing his belt and pull his pants down along with his boxers. “my pretty little girl” he whispers as he grabs a handful of your hair and you wrap your hands around his cock. you move them up and down a couple of times, then open your mouth to take in his cock. you hollow your cheeks to take as much of him as you can. you look up to see his head thrown back and you hear him moan “just like that baby yes”. his moans alone already make you a soaking mess for him and you moan with him so he can feel more pleasure from the vibrations.

“get up” he says with a stern, but soft voice.

“i’m gonna fuck you princess, but you have to be quiet okay”

you look up at him nodding while still on your knees as you wipe the pre cum and spit off your chin.

you stand up and he lifts you up onto the bathroom sink. you see him stand there, lust filled in his eyes as he scans your body up and down. you lock your lips together and as you do you feel the familiar movement of his hand moving up your thigh again. as he slowly gets closer and closer, you could feel the heat building up in your core. he starts rubbing little circles over clit and you moans at the sudden contact. you lean your head back onto the mirror as you feel has soft fingers move on your clit in figure eights, just the way you like it.

“cal i need you” you say breathlessly, him still rubbing your clit.

“whatever you say princess” he says into your ear.

he slips his hands under your thighs to readjust you and lines himself up before he plunges into you. you moan as you feels your walls contracting around him.

“fuck princess your so tight” he says as he pumps in and out of you

“yes calum right there” you moan as he started to thrust harder and faster into your pussy, perfectly hitting your g spot.

“yes who?” he says with a dark husky voice

“yes daddy” you say with a shaky voice as he pumps into you giving you eye contact

“tell me how much you love it” he says breathlessly “tell me how good daddy does it for you”

“i love it. i love it so much daddy” you moan out as you scratch his back in pleasure.

he brings one of his hands from your waist to rub your clit and you start to squirm under the stimulation.

“fuck baby girl” he says as he pumps in and out of you even faster

you start to become a moaning mess as you start to feel the familiar heat build up in your core signaling that you’re close to cumming

you feel your toes start to curl and you feel his thrusts becoming slower, letting you know that he was close too.

“i’m close baby” you barely moan out as the sensation comes closer and stronger

“me too baby” he says as he sloppily thrusts into you

his thumb starts to move faster on your clit which pushes you over the edge.

“fuck daddy yes” you moan out. you squirm as you feel all the built up heat release.

not long after you feel calum’s warm liquid squirt into you and he moans out a string of profanities into the crook of your neck and shoulder in an attempt to hide the fact that you were fucking in Luke’s bathroom.

You both breath heavily, trying to catch your breaths and taking time to re collect yourselves. you both lock eyes with eachother after a few seconds and break into laughter as you lean in for a kiss.

“if anyone asks what we were doing when we go back out there, say that i was helping you fix your dress or something” he says to you, laughing.

he helps you zip up your dress and you help him button up his shirt and you both walk out together, holding hands and giggling to yourselves trying to not look suspicious.

“i hope you cleaned up” Luke says as we walk out.

“looks like y/n gave you that after party glow Calum” Michael scoffs.

“i was helping her fix her dress!” Calum blurts out, his cheeks glowing red.

smooth cal, smooth.

[allsassnoclass]

"I did the dishes" for whoever you feel like! love you very much my dear xoxo bella

alrighty here is mashton with “I did the dishes” :)

Ashton doesn't often wake up to the sound of someone else in the apartment.  He doesn't have a roommate and locks his door every night, so hearing music in the kitchen and the sound of someone rummaging around immediately has the hair on his arms standing on end as soon as he's awake enough to process it.  His hockey bag is on the floor by the bed, stick thrown on top of it, and he reaches for it quickly, ignoring the twinge in his chest from getting checked hard into the boards yesterday.  It's not bad enough for him to need a break, so it certainly isn't bad enough to prevent him from fighting off an intruder if he's being robbed.

He pushes his door open slowly, creeping forward with the stick raised and ready to swing.  He can see a shadow extending just past the doorframe, the music muffling any other noise.  It's not until recognizes My Chemical Romance and hears a voice that is distinctly not Gerard Way sing about being scared of teenagers that he pauses.

"Michael?" he asks, leaning the stick against the wall and entering the kitchen.  Michael turns around and grins, plate and drying cloth in hand.

"Good morning!" he chirps, turning down the music and looking far too happy for this early.  The clock on the microwave says that it's already nearly noon, but out of the two of them Ashton fairs far better in the morning than him.  The smile is disconcerting.  The fact that Michael managed to wake up before him, get over here, and let himself into the apartment is even more so.

"What's going on?" Ashton asks, rubbing his eyes.  His chest twinges again, so he puts an arm up and starts slowly stretching, other hand cupping the side of his ribs.

"I did dishes," Michael says, gesturing to the now-bare counter.  "You're a slob."

"It's hockey season," Ashton defends.  He switches his stretch to the other side, still taking stock of his body.  He's had worse, but that doesn't mean he's happy to be sore.  Fuck Dawson and his aggressive checks.

"Hockey season doesn't mean you should let your dishes grow mold on your counter," Michael says, putting the plate away and bunching up the towel.  Ashton frowns, because the dishes were a few days old max, but Michael barrels on without giving him a chance to reply.  "How are the ribs?"

"Fine," Ashton says, reaching for a mug.  Michael gets there first, putting the coffee on for him, too.  Ashton frowns.  "Is that why you're here?  I don't need to be coddled."

"I'm here because we were supposed to have a brunch date," Michael says, giving him an unimpressed look.  Ashton flips through is mental calendar and tries to figure out what day it is, then groans.

"Fuck, I'm sorry, Mike.  I lost track.  It's--"

"Hockey season," Michael finishes.  "I know.  And I know that you've had a long and tiring week, too."

"Let me make it up to you," Ashton says, stepping forward.  He runs his hands down Michael's arms until he can take his hands.  "We could go for lunch, just give me fifteen minutes to get ready."

"Can't," Michael says.  "I'm covering a story about kids hockey lessons down at the rink later.  One of the feel-good pieces, you know?  Unfortunately my job extends beyond watching you get beat up on the ice.  Sometimes the spotlight has to be on other people, too."

"Did you at least make me look good in last night's segment?" Ashton asks.

"I actually mostly talked about Hemmings.  It's those dreamy blue eyes.  The audience eats it up."

Ashton snorts, pushing Michael gently with their joined hands.  He bounces back even closer, smoothly breaking Ashton's personal bubble.  Hockey is a contact sport, so Ashton is used to other guys bumping into him or slinging an arm around his shoulder or jamming an elbow into his ribs, but the only person who never trips his internal alarm bell is Michael.

Michael brushes their noses together, small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"If I could, I would tell everyone that you unequivocally deserve to be player of the year every year and use each segment to highlight your best parts of each game.  That wouldn't be very objective reporting, though.  I'd probably be fired, then I'd have to actually pay for a ticket to watch your games instead of getting in with a press pass."

"Wouldn't want that," Ashton murmurs, closing the remaining space between them to capture Michael's lips in a long, slow kiss.  Michael hums into it, but breaks the kiss early and wrinkles his nose.

"You have morning breath."

Ashton groans, tipping forward to rest his forehead against Michael's shoulder.  Michael brings a hand up and starts carding through is hair, which actually feels really nice but does not negate how mean he's being by withholding kisses.

"All you've done since you broke in is insult me," Ashton says.

"And do dishes."

"And do dishes," he concedes.  "That was nice of you, I guess."

"I'm plenty nice," Michael huffs.  "I could've held a grudge against you for forgetting our date, but I didn't.  I'm being the bigger man here.  I even let you sleep in, since I know how badly you need it."

"I'll make it up to you," Ashton says, straightening up so he can look Michael directly in the eyes.  "Our next date is going to be so good it'll blow your mind, I promise."

"Only if you can stop focusing on hockey enough to plan it," Michael says.  "I'm not waiting until the end of the season for a date.  Now I have expectations."

"I can multitask," Ashton says.  "Half my focus on hockey, half on you, 24/7.  Or it'll switch off: you, then hockey, then back to you."

"If all of your focus is on me and hockey, when are you going to do your dishes?" Michael asks.

"That's what I have you for," Ashton says cheekily.  Michael laughs, bright and loud in Ashton's kitchen, and it fills Ashton's chest with an ache different from the one he got from being checked.

"I'm really sorry for forgetting our date," he says again once the laughter has died.  "I was looking forward to it this week, honest.  I was exhausted after the game and forgot to set an alarm."

"I know," Michael says, cupping his cheek.  He sweeps his thumb over Ashton's cheekbone and it almost turns his knees to jelly.  In the middle of the season, Ashton sometimes forgets that a world outside the rink exists, a world where an amazing guy named Michael will heckle him and do his dishes and gently touch his face like he's something soft and precious.

"Are you sure you have to work today?" he asks.

"Yeah, but I can come over later tonight if you're up for it."

"Please," Ashton says.  "I always want to see you."

"Good.  I always want to see you, too."

"Good," Ashton grins.  Michael mirrors it, making Ashton's heart skip a beat.  This close, seeing Michael smile that wide is like looking directly into the sun.

"Come on," Michael says, reaching for Ashton's coffee mug and handing it to him.  "I have some time before I have to leave.  Drink your coffee and talk to me about stuff, hockey-related or not.  Give me a mini date right now."

"Mini date that ends in a kiss?" Ashton asks.  Michael rolls his eyes and pecks him on the cheek as he passes, making a beeline for the couch in the main room.  Ashton scrambles to follow.

"So," Michael says once they're situated.  "What the fuck was up with Merrick last night?  He's never played like that before.  How did you manage to get a goal past him?"

Ashton takes a sip of his coffee, smiling to himself before he starts to analyze last night's game with Michael.  He loves hockey more than anything, but lately Michael has been creeping up there, too.  Hockey is his life, but Michael is all of the good parts in-between.  He knows from personal experience that not a lot of people like his one-track mind during the season, but Michael has never made him feel bad for his love of the sport.  In fact, Michael is the only non-player that Ashton has met who comes close to matching his enthusiasm, and that more than anything makes Ashton feel better about the four-letter word on the tip of his tongue every time he sees him.

He hasn't said it yet, but he will.  The feeling is there, anyway, and Ashton has a pile of clean dishes stacked in his cupboards that makes him think it's reciprocated.

[theghostofashton]

4, 6, 20 for the writers ask! I can’t wait to read more of your stuff whenever you’re ready to share it!!

4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

this is from tdiu, and it’s one of my favorite lines i’ve ever written:

He sits down and lets his mind wander and finds himself back at that day, back in those moments when, for the first time since he stood in front of the charred rubble that was once the beat in his chest, the air felt finite and he was running on borrowed time.

i really love the way i managed to weave the physicality of what happened to ashton with the mental turmoil it’s taken on him. also contextualized with the scene this line is in (after calum slaps him), i feel like the parallel between these two events, both of which hurt him really badly in drastically different ways is super interesting to analyze, especially in part w how he deals w them.

6. What character do you have the most fun writing?

i really love tdiu jack. he is so complex and fun to delve into bc he’s gotten so used to maladaptive coping mechanisms. his brain is genuinely such a mess that trying to make sense of it almost feels like building a lego set with no instructions. so much has to change for him to even begin to get better (to a point i think everyone kinda underestimates if i’m honest), and i’m really excited to get started on that. 

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

def suicide tw here (i’ll tag the post w it too so blacklists pick it up)

jack’s wanted to do what he did (jump) since probably chapter two of tdiu (the first story). it was why he originally didn’t want to be with alex, and why he overreacted to certain things. he tried for so long to get alex to leave him so he wouldn’t have to hurt him with this, because he couldn’t conceive the idea of a world with him in it, living to be older, and he didn’t want alex to get caught up in the crossfire. every joke he’s made about it, every thought that popped into his head regarding it, was always genuine, 100% serious in his mind. 

i also don’t think a lot of people picked up on it (idk if anyone did really), but jack’s idea of a future was always so abstract. he never defined it as anything concrete because he was so sure he wouldn’t be there to see it. he didn’t waste time on specifics. he didn’t imagine houses or children or anything beyond the empty promises he’d make of being with alex for the long haul. he was never getting better. he didn’t want to. he got used to being bad and that’s why it always appeared (on the surface) like he was fine. not great, but fine. he wasn’t fine; he was accustomed to how bad he felt and that in the end got to be too much. 

alex has gotten a ton better since his arrival. he’s talking and he’s processing and he’s planning for a future, thinking ahead and using healthy coping mechanisms so he can get to that place. jack’s never done that. he’ll eat, but if he never does the mental work, that won’t ever be enough. (go back and read some of their scenes together w this in mind and i promise you’ll see it)

i could truly talk about jack’s character forever. i love what i’ve done w him so much. if y’all ever want me to make an actual post rambling about this, let me know. i’d definitely be down for it!

.....this got so long i am so sorry but thank you so much katie!! i appreciate you always taking the time to send me these! 💗

[5secondsofrant]

Bye and thank you!

This is sort of a goodbye and thank you letter all in one. So, i’m thanking you for reading/following/asking/etc immediately in case you don’t want to read the rest of this. 

First of all, sorry for dissapearing out of nowhere. At some point I decided I didn’t want to log back and  then I fucking forgot my password lol. But decided to try and remember it so I can give you all a proper thank you and goodbye and close this year and leave this blog behind with 2019.

Back in February I created this blog because by the end of 2018 I started reading this kind of blogs and I thought it was an interesting outlet, and also one where I wouldn’t bother my friend with theories.

I thought about leaving it back in March but I stayed to analyze media behavior about the boys (reason why I discussed about their relationships, since Modest! is really romance-driven about their clients) and also because new music was being released and I shared my opinion, so I stayed for a little while. 

To be honest, I never had some sort of intention with this blog. I just wanted to put my thoughts somewhere and that was it. As much as I enjoyed engaging here and making posts with silly, unfunny, dry puns, it isn’t something I look forward anymore.

And also, while I still like the music, the boys’s enviroment it’s really tiring. It can be really drama driven, toxic and just overwhelming at times. I appreciate them on their own, and to be honest, those of you who have been around since forever, you truly deserve a medal, because while we can separate them from their music, their personal life stains their career a bit (whether is their choice or not). Your dedication and patience is admirable.

I don’t know if I’ll leave the blog up forever (it will stay for a while though) or if I’ll give it away (if I find someone who I find fitting and has similar thougts and ethics to me, I guess)

But whatever I decide, I encourage you to not change your opinion to fit the crowd. I encourage you to share it and make outlets if you find it necessary, and discuss stuff with responsibility and respect. Look at things from all points of view, especially if you’re seeing this industry that is really toxic and manipulative. People look to the other side but there are so many cases that have come out about mistreatment and so many that will come out eventually, sadly. 

I also encourage you to analyze the news you’re told. Not only about 5SOS (hey fucking assholes at dailymail that don’t know how to write proper titles), but everything else media show you because there’s always some interest behind. Don’t get too hard on it, but if it’s something that concerns you, try to look at the bigger picture before making judgments.

Also, don’t get down the rabbit hole. Do it with responsability. It’s easy to get caught up about things about the boys because something is always happening to them because of their partners or friends, so know when to take a step back. Take care about your mental health! Many people can mock and think they’re the biggest person because you care about your band, but it’s nothing bad while you know your limits. It’s okay to get feelings involved with bands or art in general, because at the end of the day, they’re sharing a part of them with you. Just don’t get extreme about a boy or the whole band or to the point where you’re not taking care of yourself.

And last but not least, I hope those guys get a proper management soon. They’re gems. Their music is fucking great and they were stuck with two rich kids who play with a computer to create music. It was disrespectful to them and their career, so their management can eat shit. The boys have been putting out great music since they began, but their career has always been shadowed by their love and sometimes personal life in general. I’m pretty sure that’s the reason why they aren’t bigger (though they are big but for some reason they don’t hit like other artists). I hope they get to understand (or maybe this is more about ashton) that they don’t need to put out an specific music genre to be taken seriously, or go on tour on arenas with another band for it. They just have to embrace who they are and their fandom. If it’s mostly females, it doesn’t fucking matter because having a “female fandom” is only looked down because of sexism. 

I hope that in 2020 and with the next release, it’s all about them and not their partners putting out a show like it happened with youngblood. If you love someone, you gotta be respectful to them as a whole, which includes their craft that happens to be their job. I hope they do great with 5sos4, and hopefully there’s a 5sos5 without charlie puth (sorry i just had to) or any pressures from a label to sing about certain topic and in a certain genre.

After my final rant lol, I just have to say I’m forever grateful for those of you who asked, commented, chatted and corrected me. This little community here is really nice and I’ll always appreciate the outlet where we had respectful discussions and exchange of points of view. I’m not active in the fandom because it’s really off-putting to me, but here I found a place and it meant a lot. I hope I could make you see things from other perspectives as you guys made me do. And I hope this place served you as a safe enviroment to give your opinion.

With all of that said, I wish you a happy new year. I really really hope you all have a wonderful 2020. Thank you for everything! :)

- 

PS: Sorry to all the anons leaving asks that I didn’t or won’t respond for obvious reasons. Thank you for coming to me! I hope you found a blog that could help you discuss/understand the topics you were asking about.

[bxcketbarnes]

A New House

picture not mine

Pairing: Ashton Irwin/Reader

Words: 2968

Author's Note: This picture gives me very domestic!ash feels so that's what I basically provided. I find this super duper cute and again... It's been in my docs for quite a while. I hope everyone likes it. I'm really glad I'm getting into writing again. ❤

Morgan and I were walking down the downtown streets of LA, a couple of shopping bags in our hands as we walk towards Panera.

The phone in my pocket vibrates and I do my best to fish it out, the handles of the bags cutting into my wrist a bit. I click the home button, seeing a text message from Ashton and a smile comes to my lips.

Hey, beautiful. Can you come over after you're done with Morgan? I gotta question/surprise! ❤

I chuckle, typing out a surprise as my brunette best friend glances towards me. “That Ash?” She asks, a smile on her lips and I nod, shoving my phone back into my pocket.

“Yeah, he says he has a question and a surprise for me. Should I be afraid?” I laugh while raising an eyebrow.

Morgan scrunches her face before shaking her head. “Nah! I'm sure it'll be cute. He fucking treats you like a princess and I'm here for it,” she tells me and I blush lightly while moving my gaze to the sidewalk.

“Shut up he does not,” I mutter and shake my head. I open the door to the restaurant, letting Morgan go in first before I follow.

We grab a table after ordering our food and I place my phone onto the table. I see that Ashton texted me back and I open it as Morg heads towards the drink area.

{Multimedia Message}

I miss you :(

My heart flutters, awing at the picture of him pouting as his curls are slightly covering his forehead. I open my camera, making the same face before sending it to him.

I miss you too, Ash :,(

I lock my phone just as Morgan sits down, the Panera worker dropping our food off before leaving us be.

“So,” I start before taking a small bite of the sandwich, “how did your date with Mike go?” I cover my mouth as I chew, watching as she pokes at the pasta in front of her.

The smile on her lips widens, shrugging her shoulders. “It went well. I'm hoping that he'll call me and if he doesn't I'll just call him,” she tells me and I chuckle.

“Get it, girl,” I laugh before taking another bite and lets out a content hum.

“What about you and Ash? What do you think his surprise or question is gonna be?” Morgan asks and I shrug my shoulders, ripping a piece of baguette.

“I don't know, honestly. We've been together for what? Almost seven months now? It could be anything,” I mumble and eats the piece of bread.

“You think he's gonna ask you to marry him?” She questions, raising an eyebrow and I choke on the food, coughing loudly. I place a hand on my chest as I cough a couple more times. “Sorry!” She mutters as her eyes are wide.

I let out a huff of breath, clearing my throat while wiping the tears from my eyes. “Oh my god, you don't think…?” I murmur, feeling my heart beat quicker in my chest. I slightly panic, my eyes shifting towards my phone and Morgan lays a hand on mine.

“Hey! I'm sure he's not. I didn't mean to put the idea into your head,” she frowns and I give her a small smile.

-

Honestly, the proposal thing hasn't left my mind since Morgan mentioned it. After walking through the door of Ashton's apartment, setting my keys on the table beside the door.

“Babe?” I call out, slipping my shoes off.

“Kitchen!” He calls out and I smile, skipping off towards the kitchen to see my curly-haired boyfriend sitting on the island with a small tub of ice cream in his hands. “Hey, baby.”

I furrow my eyebrows, giggling a bit as I stand in front of him. My hands rest against his thighs, leaning on my toes to press a kiss to his lips. “Hi,” I grin and begin to pull away from him when he reconnected our lips.

A happy hum leaves my lips and I can hear him set the tub of ice cream down before his hands press against my cheeks.

“Did you have a good day?” He asks against my lips. I nod my head before glancing towards the ice cream.

“You okay?” I ask, biting my lip softly. “Usually when people eat ice cream they're eating their feelings.”

Ashton laughs, pushing me back a bit before he jumps down. He brings his hand up to my face, gently stroking my cheek as he just stared down at me for a few moments.

“I'm great. I was just in the mood for sweets. Uhm, that surprise I was talking about? Can I give it to you now?” He asks and I gulp a bit before nodding my head.

He presses a quick kiss to my lips before running off, leaving me in the kitchen. My pulse quickens, getting a bit nervous and turns around just as he comes back.

“I've thought about this for a month or so and I thought it was finally time to take the next step,” Ash mumbles and my breath hitches in my throat, feeling my face blush as I expect him to get down on one knee.

Ashton pulls a set of keys out from his pocket, grinning as he hands one to me. My lips part, confused as I analyze the chrome key in my palms. “Wha-,” I cut myself off, looking up at Ash.

He licks his lips, his hazel eyes looking from my hands to my eyes. “Y/N, will you move into our new house with me?”

I snap my head up quickly, a quiet gasp leaving my lips. “A-Are you serious?” I ask and he nods, smiling softly. “Oh my god, yes, of course. Oh my god, Ashton.”

I grip the key in my left hand, wrapping my right arm around his neck and hugs him tightly. “I can't believe you bought us a house,” I whisper into his ear, feeling his hands rest on my lower back. “When do we move in? Oh god, I gotta tell my landlord I'm moving out.”

“Hey, hey. Calm down. We've got a week before we can move in. You've got time,” he chuckles and presses a kiss to my forehead.

-

Ashton's thumb rubs along the back of my hand as we drive to our new place. I glance back, seeing a bunch of our things stuffed into the back.

“So, the place came with furniture?” I ask, turning my head towards him.

The curly-haired man turns down a different street before glancing towards me. “Actually no. I thought we could go shopping for furniture,” he mumbles and I grin, squeezing his hand.

“That sounds fantastic. Kinda like what you see in sappy movies, “It won't be mine or your stuff. It'll be ours.” I like it. You're cute,” I tell him and leans across the middle console to press a kiss to his scruffy cheek.

“You're gorgeous,” he replies while giving me a cheeky grin. I roll my eyes, scoffing a bit. “What?! You are! You don't believe me?”

I shrug my shoulders, glancing out the passenger window. “Sometimes I just think you could do better than me,” I mumble quietly.

We stop at a stoplight and Ashton removes his hand from mine. His fingers gently grab my chin, turning my face towards him. A frown was settled on his lips as his hazel eyes bore into mine. “There's definitely no one better than you. You are so incredible in so many ways. I fall in love with you every day. I wouldn't wanna experience this with anyone else,” he mumbles and a horn blaring loudly snaps us out of the moment.

I jump at the sound as Ashton curses, driving forward. We sit in a comfortable silence the rest of the drive, music quietly coming from the radio as Ash's hand finds mine again.

“I love you,” he tells me and I look over at him, smiling softly.

“I love you so much, Ash,” I mumble quietly and squeeze his hand. We pull up to a white medium-sized house, my eyes widening as Ashton parks the car in the driveway. “Holy shi-.”

I jump out of the car, jogging up to the front door and fishes the house key from my front pocket. I unlock the door, letting out a sharp gasp as I step into the place.

Tears begin to pool in my eyes as I walk through the entire house. “Ash-,” I cut myself off, covering my mouth with my hand. His hands land on my hips as we get to the master bedroom.

“I was thinking that we could go to Sherwin Williams or Lowe's and get some paint. Whites a little too plain for a bedroom,” he mumbles into my ear as his chin rests on my shoulder.

I turn to face him, nodding my head before placing my hands on his cheeks. “Absolutely. This place is amazing… beautiful. I love you and our new home,” I whisper and bring his face closer to mine, connecting our lips.

His hands slide around my waist, resting on the small of my back as he pulls away. Ashton rests his forehead against mine, letting out a quiet sigh. “I'm so glad you love it. I was getting really stressed that you'd hate it then you'd leave me,” he mumbles and I let out a chuckle, shaking my head.

“I could never leave you. You… you make me the happiest I've ever been. I've never been more in love with any of my past boyfriends like I am with you,” I whisper while moving some of the curls from his eyes.

Ashton lets out a sigh of relief, kissing my forehead. “God, I fucking love you so much. You ready to do some shopping?” He asks and I nod excitingly, letting out a small squeal.

“Yes, yes!”

-

Ashton and I stood in front of the paint pallets in Sherwin Williams, trying to find the perfect color for our bedroom. A lot of the house was white and we've been debating if we wanted to change it or keep it like that.

“What about this one?” He asks, reaching forward grabbing a light neutral tone. “It's called caramelized.”

I chuckle as he wiggles his eyebrows, punching him in the arm lightly. “I mean it's not the ugliest color. It's kind of calming actually. You know what? Fuck it. Let's get it,” I grin while taking the paint card from his hands.

We head over to the worker and the guy gives us a friendly smile. “Hi, can I help you with something?” Todd asks and I nod.

“Yeah, can we get two-gallon cans of this color?” I ask and hand him the card.

He nods, tapping his finger against it and Todd opens his mouth to mention something. “I-You don't have to take my suggestion but it's best to prime your walls first before painting it. Would you like the primer as well?” He asks, his eyes darting between Ashton and I.

I look up at the drummer, raising an eyebrow before I slowly shrug my shoulder. Ashton chuckles and turns his attention to the employee in front of us. “Yeah, we'll take some primer,” he nods.

Todd gave us a small smile before going to collect our paint. I wrap an arm around his waist, resting my head against his side. “Babe?” I call out and he hums. “We should probably get some paint brushes and rollers.”

“Oh… good idea,” Ashton laughs and pulls away from me, gathering the brushes. Todd comes back just as Ash did and sets the brushes, rollers, and roller try onto the counter.

-

“Yeah, thanks for coming on such late notice. We just got the house and we were too excited to wait,” Ashton laughs while paying the three movers.

I sit on our new couch, smiling as I run my hands over the navy blue sofa. The curly-haired man ran back into the living room, jumping onto the couch and his head lands onto my lap.

“Jesus, Ash,” I giggle and runs my fingers through his hair. “Don't break the furniture already.”

He gives me a toothy grin, winking slightly before adjusting his position. “Do you wanna invite the guys and Morgan over? We can order pizza and they can pick it up on the way,” Ashton offers and I continue running my fingers through his soft hair, humming in response.

“Yeah. We can do that,” I smile and leans down to press a kiss to his lips. “I'll call Morg.” I pull my phone out of my back pocket, tapping on Morgan's contact before calling her.

I press the phone against my ear as I stuck my foot under my leg, Ashton's head still in my lap.

“Hello hi!” Her voice answers and I can't help but giggle, shaking my head.

“Hey! Are you with Michael right now?” I ask as my the fingers on my free hand went back into Ash's curly hair.

It was silent for a few moments before Morgan spoke up. “... Maybe, why?”

I let out a chuckle, shaking my head as I roll my eyes at her vague response. “Well, Ashton and I are chilling in our new place and wanted to know if you guys wanted to come over… maybe pick up a pizza??” I ask, biting my lip softly and I can hear Michael groan a bit through the phone.

“Yeah, we’ll be there soon,” she laughs and Mike groans a bit more. I smile softly, bidding her goodbye before hanging up the phone, texting the other two boys to come over in half an hour.

Ashton connected his phone to the speaker that sat on the island, music softly playing through the half-empty house. My muscles were straining slightly as we had to help the movers bring our king-sized mattress up the stairs since two of them were working on getting the bed frame. His slender fingers rub against my forearms, sitting in silence as we wait for our friends to get here.

“So, all we need to do is unpack the boxes of our belongings then this home will be complete,” Ash mentions and I nod.

The doorbell rings and Ashton quickly gets up to meet our friends at the door. “Congrats you guys!” Cheers and hollers echo through the house as I let out a laugh, seeing the four of them walk into the living room with pizza and champagne in their hands. “Let's celebrate!” Michael grins.

-

The sound of our balcony doors open, the creaking bouncing off the walls of our master bedroom. I turn over in bed, letting out a groan as the sun shines brightly in my face. My eyes slowly open, stretching my arms and legs a bit.

A quiet squeal leaves my lips before sighing, pressing the duvet against my lower face. Ashton stands on our three-foot balcony, a white sheet draped around his waist as he looks at the city view.

I bite my lip softly, noticing the red claw marks that litter his back. I comb my fingers through my messy hair, thinking about the events of last night after everyone had left.

“Morning, handsome,” I call out and Ashton jumps a bit, turning his head back to look at me.

A smile comes to his lips and he steps back into the room, keeping the doors open and plops onto the mattress that lies on the floor. “Morning, beautiful,” he mumbles while dragging his fingertips up and down my arm. “Did you sleep well?”

A content hum leaves my lips while nodding my head. “Actually, yeah. The bed we picked out is extremely fucking comfortable. Even after a long night of…” I trail off and wiggles my eyebrows.

Ashton let's out a laugh, tilting his head back before shaking his head. “You mean a long night of fucking? Yeah, I agree.”

I smack his chest and giggles while lying onto my back, my breasts poking out above the duvet slightly. “Shut up. You knew what I meant. You didn't have to say it,” I tell him as his arm drapes over my waist.

“Why not? We've fucked plenty of times. It's just me. I'm not gonna tease you,” he smirks and presses a kiss to the side of my head. “Although I do say you handle me quite well.”

A blush appears on my cheeks and I bite my lip to hide the smile, turning onto my side to hide my face in his chest. A few more giggles leave Ashton's lips as his large hand moves to my exposed back, dragging his nails up and down it slowly.

“Did you want to paint the room today?” He asks after we laid in silence for a couple of minutes. I pull my head away from his chest, glancing around the very white room.

“Yeah, we can do that. It'll be easier to pick the furniture for it once we see the color on the wall,” I tell him and he nods in agreement.

Ashton untangled from me, standing up without the sheet on his hips. I couldn't help but lick my lips and stare as he stood completely nude, raising his arms to stretch his muscles. Jesus Christ… “First things first… I'm gonna take a shower,” he tells me and I sit up on the bed, letting the duvet fall to my lap, exposing my chest. “Do… do you wanna join me?” He asks while biting his lip, hazel eyes glancing downward.

“Yes,” I answer immediately. Throwing the covers off my body, I roll off the mattress before grabbing Ash's hand to lead him into the en suite.

-

Taglist: @asht0ns-world @tequila-clifford @dukesnumber1 @maddz-world @singt0mecalum @gotta-try-something-new @morningfears @twilightparker @ashs-cheergirl @dashlilymark @babylon-uncrowned @thebookamongmen @lukeskisses @shower-me-with-roses @calumsendgame @thatcheekychic @therainydays4

[miafic]

I think the fact that if you wrote L+Z, it would be 20 years of slow burn is what makes it such a great idea. Like yes give me the slow burn of my two boys

they make me weak

this got so, so long im sorry but here is a vague and very rough outline of what that story might look like

meeting in the first semester of grad school

suffering through internships, exams, papers, projects, and killer classes together. 

late nights falling asleep at each other’s apartments. eventually just becoming literal roommates the next year. 

taking turns walking to pick up cheap pizza from the carryout only place two blocks away

wanting to get a pet but knowing that would be an absolutely terrible idea

l drinking some beers one night and telling z about chance. he hasn’t spoken about it since that day he went home from college like FIVE YEARS before. he is a crying mess and he’s angry all the next day. zakk takes care of him anyway, holding him while he sobs and giving him space but putting some of his favorite ice cream in the freezer and offering to watch whatever superhero movie lucas wants

helping each other with their assignments. teaching each other about cool stuff they learned in class. 

anytime there’s a lull in conversation - “analyze me” “okay but you have to analyze me right after” 

missing each other in the brief period after graduation where they went to be with their families

starting p&p 

a longggggg section of p&p

behind the scenes stuff we don’t get to see - what it was like to be tight on money. what it’s like when they argue but still have to pull together and be a perfect team for the kids. 

megan

justin + the car. lucas and zakk butting heads over whether or not calum can stay and lucas’ subsequent victory in calming him down. ashton coming to the house in the middle of his 12 year old grief. travis coming to the house and having to learn social skills. jawn and lucas’ fp relationship and zakk (again) wanting jawn out of the house and lucas pushing for him to stay.

geoff being integrated into the house

lucas’ speech at the commissioner hearing. the meeting with the lawyer that ran long. 

getting the check in the mail obv. lucas has one of those “i’m so happy i could kiss you!” moments and zakk is literally the only person there

zakk beginning to try to date while only having one day off a week

luke’s suicide attempt absolutely devastating lucas. zakk is hit hard too but lucas saw him literally dying and had to DRIVE HIM. ALONE. BARELY CONSCIOUS. halfway to the ER to meet up with an ambulance (hi i really need to write this ugh will it ever happen)

the endless debate over hiring extra help

more stuff with kids im sure but i havent thought about it yet

phasing themselves out of p&p 

getting an apartment together. at first lucas thinks he wants to live alone but he quickly realizes that he loves and wants (and needs) zakk

zakk having a gf --> wife

lucas remains single despite getting lots of first and even second dates (with tons of women and one or two men ahhhh. zakk is convinced that he needs to try men. and you know what? he’s right)

lucas misses his presence way more than he should. he actually starts to wonder if he’s codependent or plain dependent or something. he’s not. but he’s in so much pain that he genuinely wonders.

lucas starts working more and more at p&p leading up to zakk’s wedding so he doesn’t have to spend all his time thinking about it. even though he’s the best man. so he’s pretty involved in ‘thinking about it’

the wedding day. lucas crying because he’s happy for zakk but he’s so, so sad inside to lose his Person. (thats how lucas is going to explain him to people. “he’s my person.” he doesn’t mean it romantically at that time but that phrasing helps people understand what he’s going through a little more clearly. zakk is straight up and says “he’s my soulmate.”

zakk obviously moves in with his wife when they get married (he waits til the wedding which is at lucas’ urging (moral reasons)). this is a transition for both men because not only does zakk have to learn to live with a new person but lucas has to learn to live alone

living separately. being absolutely overjoyed to see each other. zakk crying with happiness when they’re reunited after they’ve been apart just a few weeks. bringing each other gifts.

while they’re apart they communicate constantly - memes and phone calls and lucas emailing asking for advice that he doesn’t really need, but zakk has stayed more connected to what “the youth” are into/up to (this is the future now ahh it’s like 2022ish) so he feels okay asking

hiring ashton, jawn coming back to p&p, later hiring jawn to do art lessons

zakk finds out he’s being cheated on. it’s the last straw and he ends the marriage instantly. 

lucas is the first phone call zakk makes. he drops everything and goes to zakk’s house to be there for him all night. 

lucas holds him up for weeks through the waves of regret and desperation and and anger and elation and crushing sadness

zakk pulls away from him. they stop seeing each other so much, stop texting so often. 

the coffee shop thing

the thing after the coffee shop thing

zakk becomes excited about life again

lucas is a mushy little pushover when it comes to anything zakk - apartment decorating, 

lucas proposes after six months. it’s a quiet, private thing at a beautiful place, but there’s a photographer there on the dl taking pictures from several feet away. l and z realize a few days later that zakk never stopped kissing him to actually answer the question, and they laugh and laugh about it.

so zakk takes him out and does the whole big meal in a fancy restaurant, walk along the pretty river, roses, embarrassing him in front of a giant crowd of people by having coordinated a full-out flash mob and ending the dance number by getting down on one knee and proposing. lucas is bright red and covers his face and goes, “yes! can we go home now?!” and zakk grins and slides a ring on his finger and kisses him and everyone cheers

they finally get that dog they always talked about in grad school. 

the end.

[geekygoddesss]

New Year’s 2k18

Luke

“Okay, real talk” Ashton’s voice says over the music, a glass of whiskey in his hand as points at us, all of us “who’s your New Year’s Eve kiss?”

I stand in the middle of my friends, the ones that in such a short time have become family to me. Everyone is looking very sharp and elegant tonight, wearing their best looks for the very end of the year, Including me, since tonight I have decided to wear the one dress I have been aiming to wear for a long time and tonight I could finally dress it with pride and show it up a little along with the rest of my friends.

I laugh at Ashton’s question, drinking from my own drink as my eyebrow raises in one sassy look.

“What?” I ask back with a soft chuckle “Is that real question?”

“Of course” he says, his eyes widening at my lack of interest on something that was apparently too important for him. He raises his glass and with it points at all of us collectively as he asks “Are you really telling me you haven’t thought about it?”

he looks like is about to rant someone or something but he does not keep going, he turns to look at the person closest to him, which happened to be Michael and pointing at him with his eyes, Michael widens his eyes at the sudden attention and laughs.

“Don’t look at me, I have mine already” He chuckles, pointing at the crowd of girls at the other end of the room where his longtime girlfriend was. I think it was pretty obvious that Michael was already set when it came to ‘kissing’ stuff, he was the only person in the whole band that has managed to keep up a long-term relationship, by now he was basically married.

“I didn’t know it was that important” I shrugged, jerking my chin at him “who’s yours?”

a sneaky smile appears on his lips as he says “I have it right on radar”

With that we all turn around in the direction he was looking, I only have to look over my shoulder. That girl he’s been hanging around for the pasts weeks, the tall one with black long hair whose name I could not remember but seemed to have such good chemistry with him, he looked happy.

“Are you guys dating already?” My friend Luke asks the one who has been standing beside me way too quiet during this whole thing.

“No, but, that doesn’t mean we won’t” He winks at us as he finishes his drink.

I believe it, Ashton is a great guy and any girl would be lucky to date him. I smile at the thought. Ashton with a girlfriend seemed like something suiting, I knew sometimes he needed some company and maybe it was time he found (or looked) for the right one.

“That’s really cute Ashton” I smile to him to then turn to my side, looking up at the blonde hair boy standing beside me “Luke, How about you?” I ask, moving my hips to the side and bumping them with his in one playful move.

“Huh, I think I know who it will be” He says shrugging as he returns my hip bump with a small smile. I don’t even need to speak, I just raise an eyebrow and at that he turns his head on a direction, telling me to look without saying a word.

I do as he says. I see her at first sight and even though there were a lot of people here, I knew exactly who he was talking about, that tanned skinned girl who was always around their parties, long hair and sweet smile, the one that always seemed to put a smile on Luke’s face so effortlessly.

“Does she know?” I turn to him, smiling a bit.

“Yeah, probably” He shrugs again, sipping from his drink and looking back at his girl. Whoever she was, he was thinking on her and she was so damn lucky just for that.

“What’s with that tradition anyway?” I ask in general as I turn to all of the guys again.

If I was being totally honest, I had no idea what  the big deal was, where I am from all we did for New Year’s Eve that was relevant enough was to eat grapes at midnight, people usually said that your wishes would come true if you did it, but I have never heard a thing about the importance of kissing at midnight, in my mind, it did not seem like a big deal at all.

“It’s good luck! You start the year off with a kick, it’s fun, I’ve heard it means that if you do it you won���t be lonely that year” Ashton says, certain emotion on his face as he spoke, he seemed very excited for this and I could see why he was. It was almost like he had it planned already.

“Interesting” I chuckle as I shrug innocently “well I guess I have no one”

Ashton shakes his head and walking up to me he lays a hand on my shoulder “Don’t worry about that, I’m sure you’ll find one, we’re all friends here and it’s a nice tradition so” he stops and softly gives me a pat on the back “you got this”

I laugh because this really wasn’t a big deal for me so I just nod and mumble “Alright” I say shortly winking at him “Thanks Ash”

They all looked like they were set up for the night and I was starting to wonder, am I the only person in this room who won’t have a new year’s kiss?. Probably I am, I just had to analyze the situation for one moment, this guys were incredibly handsome, all of them, it was quite obvious they would have a New Years kiss, me on the other side, not only was new here but also was the only one who seemed to not have picked up some kind of relationship with anyone on the short time that I have been here. Finding a new year’s kiss is going to be clearly impossible, so giving it a try was not even an option.

“(Y/n)! Come look at this” a voice calls me from afar.

I turn around, Michael’s girlfriend is calling me in and waving at me to come over where the rest of the girls were, seemed like a great time for a change of group, since the conversation over here was starting to make me a bit uncomfortable since the moment it started, I was starting to unlike being the only single person in the bunch.

“Gentlemen” I nod to them, as I listen to my friend calls and start to turn around “I’ll see you later” I say winking at them as I make a move to leave.

“Don’t get lost” Luke says as I start to walk away, a teasing tone in the back of his words.

“Yeah Yeah” I chuckle, leaving them to join my friend, where hopefully the conversation wouldn’t turn to that.

The rest of the party goes on smoothly, just like it was expected to. I kept moving from group to group all along the celebration, not being able to fully fit into one but still having a blast on each one I went to. I drank and laughed and danced at different times, but still, somehow I managed to keep my attention on him, on Luke, one of my best friends and oddly enough one of the boys that I felt more comfortable around.

I think it was no secret the fact that I had a mild (big) crush on Luke from the first time I really got to know him. It was not only his looks, that on my opinion were totally my type, but also the way he treated me, the way he always managed to put a smile in my face so easily and somehow always knew exactly what to say to cheer me up, it was the little things that made me grow a certain kind of feeling every day and that I wished to do something about, but this one felt like it was out of my hands, he had his eyes on someone and that someone isn’t me.

I am not mad at it, not at all, if he is happy then I am too, but still it is hard to not think about it through the night, as I watch him dance around with that girl, who can’t keep her smile off her face and seems to be having a blast, I wish it was me. I do my best to forget about it and walk away from when I am able to. It was easy enough, I made it last through most of the night until the time came and everyone was already set up to receive the new year altogether as a team.

I saw everyone forming into a crowd the second the clock marked 11:50 on them and I walked fast towards it ready to join the crowd and making my best to find a spot for me to hang in as the New Year came to us.

“(Y/n)” someone calls, I turn on the direction where the voice came and saw nothing and then it is again, It’s him, Luke is calling me from the opposite point of the circle and waving at me  “come” he said, opening a space for me between the people and waving at me again to come over.

I don’t even think twice about it, I go to him and stand by his side. I notice he is alone, the girl he has been with all night isn’t anywhere around and neither were any of the boys, at least not at first sight, I couldn’t see them around.

“Where’s your girl?” I ask him, frowning a little bit, I don’t know why it was concerning me this much. I should be relieved about it.

“What girl?” he asks, really acting like he knew nothing about her.

“You said you had a girl for New Years!” I exclaim, crossing my arms over my chest.

he looks at me weird for a second, but right after he knew what I meant, he gives me a silly smile as he leans back and says “Ohh” apparently realizing what I said  “I think she has other plans” he says, shrugging a bit.

I am about to ask, but just as I turn my head to the side I see her with her friends and another boy, this one I don’t know who he is, but they seem close. Apparently, I thought wrong, maybe they are not a thing after all.

“Oh man” I hiss, looking at my friend as I say “her lost, right?” I smile a little and shrug “I didn’t know you two were a thing” my head leans to the side in curiosity.

He laughs, shaking his head as he says “I mean, we weren’t, just fooling around,  you know?”

I nod, understanding what he is saying. Just fooling around, right.

“I see” I say nodding, getting a little closer to him, and letting him slide his arm around my shoulders, as everyone gathered around and the countdown started.

“You look really nice tonight” he said, smiling at me softly.

I smiled a bright smile and I nodded back at him and mumbled a soft “Thanks”

I did my best to not make a fool of myself in front of him for any reason at all as the countdown when on, I just stuck up to what everyone was doing as people started to countdown and the year ended. We yelled each number when people started counting down from ten and the moment the fireworks went on, the crowd cheered and the champagne flew everywhere.

“Happy new year!” everyone yelled. I don’t know how a bottle of champagne ends up in my hand and Luke is hugging me close.

I look up at him and he looks at me, slowly leaning in and swiftly placing his lips on mine on a soft kiss, one that lasts and makes me feel butterflies all around my stomach, making me feel special. “Happy new year” he mumbles, the moment his lips take some distance from mine.

“Happy new year” I say back, smiling widely and kissing him again.

If this is starting the year off with a kiss, then this is going to be one hell of a year.

Calum

“I’m so cold” I whined a bit, rubbing both of my hands together and putting them close to my mouth and trying to heat them up with my own breath just a little.

Calum laughs at me from my right side and places his hand in my lower back as If he needed to make sure I was there and not about to get lost in between the sea of people we were currently standing in.

“You’re cold?” he says smiling down at me, sliding his hand to my hip and pulling me closer.

“Yes!” I yell, shaking my head and laughing a bit myself “I feel so weird” I say, putting my hands against my cheeks and feeling the soft warmth of my hands against my Face.

he shakes his head at me as he asks “Do you?” he teases, giving me a playful smile “Come here, I’ll warm you up” he offers and I don’t even think twice, as soon as he says it I am already sliding my arms around his body and underneath his jacket, feeling the warm of the fabric and his body mashing together.

I look around, really analyzing the scene and taking it in. This year, we’ve decided to take a break for the whole world and give ourselves a little getaway for this holidays, we deserved it, after all, we’ve had a little bit of a busy year. Ever since he launched his last album along with his band, things had gotten crazy busy for him and for me as well, we worked together, he did his music and I would make sure to capture every phase of it on my camera, we’re a team; Traveling from one part of the world to another, only being able to go back home for a couple of days, having little time of sleep and a lot of time out there doing what we loved, it was tiring, as much as we loved it, It was really gotten us good. We needed a break. desperately, immediately.

It was a bit of a random decision for both of us. For the holiday break I was supposed to work on a bunch of pictures that needed some editing and he still had some stuff to get done for the studio, but when things started to seem a little busy for our liking, he had enough so we grabbed our stuff and decided we would go away just the two of us to a place where we knew we could be alone.

New York was Calum’s first choice for one reason or another. On a normal situation, we would be traveling to Australia for this particular moment along with his sister and go to spend the New Year with his family, and even when we loved Australia so much, It was not the right place for us to travel to if we were really wishing to be alone.

New York was just the place. Not only it was far away from LA and any kind of responsibility we had, but we knew for sure that not many people we knew happened to be in New York at this very moment and It was just the perfect time to be with each other and enjoy our New Years Eve on a pure New York style.

The streets were packed in times square, the streets were shining, music blasting and the snow was falling from the sky, giving this night the perfect scenario before the New Year started. It was the first time I’ve ever been in a weather so cold, so standing out here in the pure winter was starting to get me good but I didn’t care, I was enjoying myself way too much.

Far away from us, We could see the main stage is set up for the final celebration of the year, getting ready before the big ball went down and the fireworks went up. I was so excited for this, for our first year spending our New Year’s Eve in New York, this was really unique and I couldn’t wait for next year and see if we could come back, maybe alone, maybe with his family, but I was having one hell of a time, I wanted it to happen again.

“This is nice, I love this place” I smile up at Calum, hoping he would hear me just fine over all the sounds was going on around us.

“Me too, look at the lights” he said looking around at all the screens going all over and not only playing publicity but also beautiful and festive images all around “I want to get closer to the stage” he says, accommodating so I could hold onto him and walk comfortably our way there.

 It was a bit difficult and took a bit of time to get close to the main stage, I knew what he wanted, to be close to where the whole thing was so we could see the whole thing on the first row, it was such a good idea. There was no one on the stage, but still there was music going around as they got ready for the real show, so everyone was dancing and twirling their bodies around in the meantime, people taking pictures, hanging out with their families, all kinds of things, getting ready for the new year to strike.

“Dance with me” he said, grabbing my hands and Making me give a spin in place.

It was just the most perfect night we could have asked for and I was grateful for it. We danced and danced until our feet were tired enough and couldn’t handle it anymore but even with that, we just kept dancing, as the show started and the people started to gather around the stage even more for the New Year’s ball to go down.

We were having one hell of a night and we were planning to make it even more special as time went on, This was not only going to be New Years celebration, it was also our anniversary, it made it even extra special. We would make the most out of it.

11:55 and we were now in front of the big stage, watching the dancers go around and make the show slowly growing bigger as the time moved on.

“Oh man, five minutes” he says holding me close to him as we watch the big clock slowly going on “I can’t believe it’s been a year already” he says, his look going back at me “feels like more” he mumbles as his hand caresses my cheek softly.

“Time flies baby” I say with a big sigh. I smile and grab both sides of his face in between my hands, holding him close and pulling him even closer to me slowly. “Come here” I mouth to him and he takes it, kissing my lips slowly, transmitting the most feeling and emotions to me.

Time really flies, more than anything, Because before I can even notice, between kisses and playful conversations, every now and then turning to watch the show going on behind us, People started to count down loudly and the big screen behind us started projecting big numbers until it reached zero and in that very moment, fireworks went everywhere, the ball dropped and everyone was yelling like crazy. It’s 2019 already and we are crossing to it through the big doors.

“Happy new year” We yelled to each other with a big smile on our face, as everyone else around us yelled the same thing collectively.

I jump to hug him, letting him spin me around in the air as I kiss his cheek repeatedly and laugh in happiness because I was really incredibly happy about this moment and I was happy to be lucky enough to spend it with him.

“Happy anniversary love” He mumbles as he sets me down on the floor, grabbing my face and pulling me closer to him, softly placing his lips against mine and pressing them together tightly.

I know he goes to make this kiss deeper, when he moves back just a little and goes to caress his lips softly around mine but I move my head back just a little, leaving him hanging as I mumble  “Happy anniversary” I said, pressing our lips together once to then say  “I love you so much”

he smiles, his hands going to my hips and pressing me into him “I love you more” he says back, joining his lips on mine on a short kiss  “You have no idea” he whispers and kisses me once more, harder and deeper this time.

There was something inside of me was telling me, this is going to be one of the best years ever, something that will be unforgettable and we would make the most memories out of it. I could feel it in my bones, but even if it wasn’t, I don’t care because all I ask for is to spend my year beside him and I am able to do what I love right by his side. Because with him, everything was brighter and better.

Michael

At this point in life, I just came to realize how true it is that I am in fact an easy target when it came to getting drunk, especially in a social situation when I never seemed to realize how much I was actually drinking. I couldn’t hold myself together after the fourth cup of wine. I was laughing like crazy and could barely hold myself still as my body was thrown back to the side, probably a little to close to the edge than I should be but I didn’t care because I was hearing the best stories in the world and was having the time of my life.

My best friend, Michael, from since I could remember came for a couple weeks to his parents house and ever since I found out, somehow I have managed to be able to get myself too busy to see him until today, New Year’s Eve, when everything came together and sometimes things could get a little messy. Today could be that day, but again, I don’t care because Michael is here and I’m having a blast.

“In Italy, there was this girl who just lifted her shirt in the middle of the street and pressed her you to know what on my you know what,” he says, showing me a picture on his phone and holding it up where it was so he could tell the story.

There was an image of himself being close to that girl but still a barrier of smoked glass separating them, he was smiling widely, smiling so much to the point I noticed he was laughing and holding two thumbs up in the air as he posed perfectly in front of that woman’s naked chest. It was hilarious.

“Oh my gosh!” I laugh loudly, cleaning the little tears that come out of my eyes “Your window?” I stupidly ask, since his past innuendo could have to lead me to believe otherwise.

oh man, I was so drunk.

“Yep” he laughs too, grabbing his bottle of champagne and drinking it straight from the bottle “Ashton took the perfect picture” he says, once he was done.

“Your fans are insane” I say, drinking a bit more from my own bottle and scooting a bit closer to him “How did I not get that picture earlier?”

he laughs “Between you and me” he says in a secretive voice “I should not be showing this to you”

I nod, understanding this was clearly private stuff not only for the girl who did that but because it is not something that was meant to be shared, but if he had that picture and we were hanging together, he might as well tell me the story, we knew each other since we were little after all. I won’t tell if he doesn’t want me too.

“I feel honored” I say, holding a hand to my chest like if it meant the world to me to see him pose in front of a woman’s chest. It was funny so the gesture was appreciated.

This is pretty much what we’ve been doing for the night, the party was fine, but there were at least a thousand people we just didn’t know and since we haven’t seen each other in such a long time, we decided it was time to catch up. We sneaked out of that party with incredible ease and one way or another managed to get to the rooftop where we could admire the whole city of Sydney to perfection.

We kept drinking and talking since we got here, enjoying the pleasant silence that was held up in here and enjoying our little catch up session, I don’t even remember at what point of the night he started to show me all the pictures he had on his phone and telling me all of the stories he had from all of these moths touring. It was just as fun as it sounds like.

With every picture came to a story, one more hilarious than the other and all of them so beautiful that I somehow felt jealous, his life was too fabulous and mine was so boring, I wanted that too. But again, don’t we all?. We laughed and talked to each other, really enjoying ourselves and our time together, but somehow something seems to turn him down just a bit. The moment when one picture comes and his smile fades.

It was him and his now ex-girlfriend, holding hands, in front of a monument and she was kissing his cheek, they looked happy, he looked happy. He seemed nostalgic like that memory was taken away. Ripped away from his heart. I know he loved her, but shit happens most times.

“that's a beautiful picture” I say, not thinking it through, but still going to a touchy subject. I lean my head on his shoulder and look at the picture better. It was indeed beautiful, I could not help myself but pity him, because this is just another good relationship thrown away.

“Yeah” he said smiling a little, a sad smile “We were in Italy and she wanted to visit the Colosseum,” he says, zooming in the picture to get a closer look at their faces  “Nice time” he mumbles, zooming back up and sighing as he swipes the picture away.

I could see the sadness in the light of his eyes but I try to swat it away, by distracting him a little. So I slide my hand across his back and lay my hand on his shoulder, giving it a light squeeze.

“These things happen Michael” I say doing my best to cheer him up  “Show must go on”

He smiles a little at the use of that quote and nods “Of course” he says, swiping for another picture and looking for one that matters, taking his mind away from this one. It’s New Years, he doesn’t need to be reminded about his breakup tonight.

“This is Luke taking a shot of salad dressing on my birthday” he said, laughing as he says it and plays the video, which showed how Ashton started to dare him and poured the dressing on a shot for him  “he won, it was crazy” he says, giving me the phone.

“Oh man” I laugh at loud as the video goes on. Luke drinks the whole thing and yells loudly, Michael is cheering the whole time until the video is cut off by a shoot of his face when he flipped the screen and then it’s over.

I laugh, a lot and as I try to steady my breathe from laughing so much I let out a small and dreamy sigh and then I mumble.  “I missed you Michael”

He smiles a really beautiful smile and then says “I missed you too” he says, pulling me in a side hug.

“How have we not caught up earlier?” I ask, giggling a little bit as I take another shot from my bottle.

“I’m too famous” He says, making me laugh once again.

“Shut up” I say, slapping his softly on his side as I tried to stop me from laughing so much, but I can’t.

I am about to start a new conversation, anything, but when I am about to say something, his phone starts vibrating in his hand and I don’t even get a brief second to read the name on the screen. He answers the call immediately and presses his phone against his ear.

“It’s my mom” he says, as he answers the call “hey!” he cheers, breaking our hug and turning a little to the side “I’m on the rooftop, (Y/n)’s with me” he says moving the side again dramatically and staring at me “she’s a bit drunk mom it’s a mess” he says in a clear teasing voice, causing me to gasp loudly at his guts and pushing him to the side, but he is quicker than me and grabs my hand and holds me in place “of course I’m taking care of her, always” he says, a small giggle coming out of his lips, he hums at everything his mom says and then nods to himself “we’ll be down there in a sec”

He hangs the call and in one quick move leans forward to snatch that bottle away from me, making me almost swat my hands in the air to grab it. He laughs and puts it away, trying to tell me that it was enough drinking for tonight, but I say, this is only the beginning.

“Asshole!” I yell when I try to reach the bottle but he pulls me back.

“You’re drunk!” He laughs, keeping me on my spot.

“No I’m not drunk! You are” I say fighting back but he doesn’t listen at all, he gets up and stands in front of me, holding a hand out for me to take it. It’s time to leave. “Nooo” I whine, leaning my head on my shoulder.

He shakes his head and grabs the bottle before I can reach back for it and looks at the label on it, he looks at it with a curious look and takes a sip on it. He coughs at the strong taste on his mouth, presses his lips together and cringes, he didn’t like it.

“Oh crap this is strong” he says, shaking his head, his nose wrinkling back as he takes in the liquor.

“You drink like a girl” I tease.

“Says the girl” he teases back.

He offers me his hand again and I take it, he pulls my arm until I am up on my feet and makes me take a couple of steps toward him, he is close to me, probably closer than he should be but I don’t care, in fact, I like it a lot.

“I really missed you” I say making a fist with my hand and nudging his shoulder in a friendly push.

He smiles and seems like he is about to say something when the fireworks go off. Our jaws almost drop, was it time already?, I guess we had too much fun for tonight.

We look at each other with a smile and holding up our arms at the same time we cheer.

“Happy new year!” Our voices say at the same time and he hugs me, lifting me up and shortly spinning me around in the air, to then push the bottle into my hand once again and quick picking up his own, he lifts it in the air and says “And to a fantastic 2019” he says, holding it up.

“For the best year of our damned lives” I answer, we clinked bottles and drank. For the best year ever, for a year full of new opportunities, for a year of less sadness and more than everything, a year where we could see each other a lot more. Because maybe that’s just what will make our whole year better.

Ashton

My steps get heavier and heavier as I get through the snow and it slowly grows thicker with every step I take, my hands shake a little and my teeth are gritting, my whole body reacting as another blow of wind comes flying our way in one cold current. Maybe this was the biggest perk of spending our vacation in the mountains, the snow was too much and it was freezing everywhere.

I see our shack from here and I start to wonder if I’d be able to reach it first than anyone If I walked a little faster, but my feet were already giving in because of the cold and my belly felt too full, I didn’t feel like fasting up my pace.

“Are you cold?” Ashton asks behind me, trying to reach up my pace when he reaches the hill.

I look back to him shortly, shaking my head immediately as I mumble “Oh, I’m fine”

I hear him sigh deeply and not say anything else, but he reaches up to my side when he takes a good look at me he only needs to connect a few dots to understand that I was lying and I was just trying my very best to evict him in front of his family without looking rude.

“You’re cold” he says and it isn’t a question now.

Without me saying a thing he takes out his scarf from his neck and wraps it around my own. Making sure it doesn’t fall off and instantly making me feel some kind of relief on my whole body. It felt amazing.

“Thank you” I smile to him a little but don’t even try to start any kind of conversation with him, I still felt weird about it.

Ashton and I have had a little argument the night before, which just came in perfect timing, considering that it was now New Year’s Eve and his family was here with us, it was embarrassing, but apparently we couldn’t hold ourselves to it before we got home, we had to create tension in the least appropriate moment ever. I was a slip is what I keep telling to myself, but it hurt me and I still felt to much from it, I hated to be the one who was affected the most. I know he was sorry, but a sorry doesn’t cut what he said.

“I could really use some hot chocolate right now” I hear Ashton’s sister say behind us as she makes her way up along with their brother and mom.

We decided to spend New Year’s Eve all together as a family and have a nice dinner, just us five in a pretty restaurant near here. It was beautiful, intimate, it was a real shame that Ashton and I were in this place, right now.

“I can make some when we get there, there’s still some left” I offer, smiling back at her. I could use one too, it wouldn’t feel bad to have one with this weather.

“Thanks (Y/n)” she says, smiling back.

“Ash, are we going to see the fireworks?” Harry asks, already tired from walking up this hill.

“Of course we are, I know just the place” he says in cheer. Seeming way too excited than he actually looked, but that was just him, not wanting to show up a long face in front of his siblings.

“Yes!” Harry says cheering, jumping in place in excitement to then sprint, touching Lauren’s shoulder and running past us, the two of them racing their way up.

“Kids, be careful! I don’t want you slipping again” Anne yells, but they seem to not listen, they just run their way up and messing around as much as they can for tonight. It’s New Year's after all, it’s all about messing around.

It doesn’t take us long to finally reach the shack though. I almost wanted to moan in pure pleasure when we enter the warm place, thanks to the heater inside, I take off my coat and Ashton’s scarf, suddenly feeling like I had too much on me for my liking. I don’t say anything or even make the effort of talking to anyone. I take off whatever I have on me that feels like much and go to the kitchen, really thinking about that hot chocolate that maybe will make me forget a little about all this crap.

I put all the stuff out the moment I reach the kitchen and get to work. I get too much in my head, thinking and overthinking, so much that I almost don’t hear entirely when Ashton comes in the room. I hear him but I decide to ignore him. Still, it surprises me when his hand falls on my shoulder.

“Hey” he says, standing up beside me and wearing a bit of a serious face “Can we talk?”

No, I don’t want to. That’s what  I wish I could say to his face, but I can’t. Instead, all I can do is look up at him and say the words that I least wanted to say, because there was really not much I could say and even when I didn’t want to talk to him, I also didn’t want any more problems between us.

“Uh, sure” I mumble softly, as I turn the stove on and set up a pot “what's up?” I say, trying to fake a small smile but can’t.

“You’re still mad at me?” He asks, even when the answer is kind of obvious, it didn’t stop him from asking me anyway. I don’t answer, I just keep doing my thing and pouring the hot chocolate mixture along with milk and mixing. Doing my best to avoid the question as much as possible. He sighs “Cmon, babe, it’s New Year’s Eve, really, let’s forget about this I said that I’m sorry”

I frown, still doing my best to not answer but I’m angry, I can’t help it. “You didn’t mean it” I say in a small voice, staring at the streaming pot blankly.

“Yes I did” he argues, being careful to not raise his voice, I know he was angry too, but we didn’t need everyone else to know too. “Did you really drag this dumb argument until today? It’s supposed to be a happy moment, not some time where we could literally feel the tension, it doesn’t make any sense” he says a hushed voice but his voice full of emotion “my mom knows we’re fighting and she isn’t really happy about it”

“So you’re apologizing to me because your mom told you?” I say sarcastically shortly looking up at him with a burning glance.

“No” he shakes his head “I want us to talk, right here, right now” he says, blocking my way when I turn to go grab a mug “that day you just left, you did not say a word and if we had talked before about this, like adults, things would be different now” he says on a harsh voice, he takes a step forward and caresses my cheek softly, trying to ease me up a little “what’s on your mind?”

I frown more, this was certainly annoying me, so I go around him and make my way to look for mugs anyways, he doesn’t move from his place as I go out of my previous spot and come back, still trying my best to ignore him, but I couldn’t stay this quiet for long, I had to say something.

“You made a comment about my body” I say, now my words coming out with pure venom out of them. “no, uh, you basically called me fat and I am not okay with that” I say, glancing up to him as I poured the hot liquid in two mugs.

“I didn’t mean it that way” he justifies, rubbing the palm of his hand on his forehead.

“It doesn’t matter, Ashton, it hurt me and you saw it and you laughed!” I exclaim, not loud enough for anyone to hear me, but still hard enough for him to feel my words “I know it was a joke but it was off limits, honestly, you crossed the line”

“I was drunk, It meant nothing” he keeps saying

“To me it did” I say, shaking my head as I turned the fire off. I made sure any hot object was a way to not scare him, I just needed to make a point, so I turn to him and say in clear words. “you know how hard it has been for me to go back to a healthy body and you witnessed that, long before we started dating but even when I am not the only one here who has gone through that you still had the guts to do that, I can’t believe you” I say, my voice breaks a little.

This was something that still felt a little hard for me to completely get over. I used to be overweight, very overweight and going back to a healthy body took a lot of hard work and time, literally tears and blood, but he seemed to not see that as I did because the moment he made that joke it still hit me deep. Not even when he should have taken in count that his sister also was in the same place as me and I was the one who helped her through her own journey. Apparently, he didn’t entirely care, drunk people say the truth and that’s a fact. If he really thinks that about my body then he should say to my face.

“Babe, I really am sorry” he says in softer words, looking for my hand and grabbing it softly “I would have taken it back and you know it but it came out of my mouth just like so, I didn’t mean it” he explains “I didn’t want to disrespect you, I know how hard you worked on it and I know you are still self-conscious at times but I was drunk, I wasn’t thinking-“

“Leave it, Ashton” I snap.

I was sick of hearing this, I don’t know why it sounds like he doesn’t entirely mean it. It sounds forced like he is supposed to say this, like he is just saying it because he feels obligated to say this, I need to hear something else from this crap he always says.

I try to walk away, I can’t keep hearing this, the same thing over and over. But when I try to walk away his hand grabs my wrist and does not let me move any further, he holds me in place. “I don’t want to end the year with us fighting” he says, making me turn around to look at me straight in the eye  “I love you, you know that more than anyone and sometimes I am just a dick, I wish I could change that but I can’t, no matter how much I try but let me tell you something” he says, pointing at me, it intimidates me but I try my best to stay strong “I would never hurt you on Purpose, I would never lie to you, I can’t even stand the thought of me making you cry, that’s just unacceptable” he shrugs and steps forward, closing the space between us, making this more intimate and personal “I’m human, I make mistakes but one thing I know is that I love you deeply and I am really sorry”

Just wish that I would have forgiven him. It was more than enough for me, but damn me and my pride, I couldn’t just give this to him so easily, I love him so much, I really do but this was so hard to me to just give in so easily. I didn’t know what to do at all.

“I’m going to get going” I said, some desperation in my voice. I didn’t know what to do, what to say, what to expect from him so I just walked away, to think, maybe it will make me feel a little better after all.

He doesn’t say anything, I don’t know why he lets me go, he watches me pick the two mugs of chocolate and walk away from him without another word, I feel guilty. I hope he doesn’t think I will break up with him, that’s the last thing I would do, but I just need to think. I need some space to let this sink in.

We don’t talk for the rest of the night. It’s a shame but we don’t, there is still some tension, but he gives me the space I need. His mother keeps by my side, talking to me and making me feel like I was not alone at all, she distracts me and manages to put a smile on my face. Maybe this was what I need right now. We spend some time indoors and when the clock strikes 11, we head outside.

Ashton said he knew the place and he really did. It was a big and beautiful bar with a huge window as a wall that gave us the perfect view of the mountain, this was the perfect place for us to see the fireworks.

We drink a little, take a couple of shots and get one of those free champagne glasses that were being distributed all over. Ashton and I haven’t talked yet. Somehow time flies and before we even realize the sky is being lit up by beautiful fireworks, everyone is yelling and hugging each other. I guess it’s 2019.

“Happy new year!” everyone yells at the same time and champagne flies around the room.

I hug Lauren tight after the clock strikes 12. I smile widely and turn around. Ashton is behind me, waiting for with his arms wide open, he was smiling, his eyes a bit watery. He was having a great time but there is still something else he needs to get done before the year finishes.

“Happy new year” I say, not yelling, not whispering, in a very normal but steady voice.

“Happy new year” he says back, pulling me in a very big hug.

I hug him tight and it feels really good. I missed his touch, even when it’s been 24 hours where we haven’t had any kind contact beside little and meaningless touches but now it felt real, I felt better. I hug him tighter after really feeling his touch, hiding my face on the crock of his neck and taking in his scent deeply.

I missed him

“I’m sorry” he mumbles in my ear, holding me tighter.

“I’m sorry too” I say, pressing my lips together, holding down a sob. My eyes water, I didn’t know what to tell him, out of all of the things, he left me speechless. “I hate when we fight” I say in a little voice.

“Me too” he says, takes a step back and places both hands on my face “i love you, alright? I love you so much” he says, pressing a kiss to my lips once “You’re beautiful, I’m sorry I said such a thing, I take it back, you’re perfect”  he whispers “I love you”

“I love you” I answer back, in a small mumble “I forgive you”  

He closes his eyes in relief, takes my hands in his and kisses the back of them, once, them twice.

“Thank you” he mumbles, to then grab my hand, and with the other grab one glass of champagne from the waiter passing by, giving one to me and then one for himself. He raised his glass up to his face “For another year together”

“And more to come” I smiled, we clinked cups and drink.

I take a step up to him, closing the space between us and kissing him deeply, like never before. I forgive him now and I would Again a thousand times more because I love him more than ever and that’s never going to change.

He breaks the kiss just a little, our lips still touching every so slightly and almost in a whisper he said:

“I adore you”

And little did he know. I adore him more than anything.

[fineline-live]

Ghost • ghost!cth

Title: Ghost

Reader Pairing: Y/N and Calum

Rating: so angsty but fluffy oh my god yEet

WARNINGS: talks of death and small mentions of suicide and depression

Description: Moving into a new house by yourself sounds fun until you have to deal with the unwanted guest.

Fiddling with the keys in my shaking hands, I stared at the door. This was it. I was moving into my own house after barely turning 19. I had a steady job, my own car, my own house. I felt successful and I was still young. I finally found the right key on my key chain, shoving it into the lock, and walking through the door. The house was cozy, only one floor. There were two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a kitchen, a living room, and a laundry room. It was small, but perfect for myself. I stood in the wide living room, smiling to myself, my imagination running wild on how I was gonna decorate it. There was already furniture and boxes in the house, my family helped me move most of my stuff in a few days ago. I paced around the living room, reading the boxes, wondering where to start first. My mouth started to get dry, the house being a little warm, so I looked for my dishes box. I found the box with the cups in it, opening it, and pulling out a glass cup. I walked down the hall a little to the kitchen, turning the corner and walking straight over to the sink. As I was about to turn the water on I heard something move. I turned quickly, launching my glass in the direction of the man sitting at my island counter, a confused look covering his face. The glass flew right through him, hitting the island and shattering to the ground.

“Who the fuck are you?” I said, my voice laced with confusion and anger, fear not even a thought on to why someone had broken into my house and how long he’s been here. He got up from the stool slowly, inching forward by a few steps. “You can see me?” His voice was soft, laced with some sort of accent. I was still stuck in bewilderment, confused by his sentence. “I just tried to throw a fucking cup at you, of course I can see you. Why wouldn’t I be able to? A better fucking question is how in the hell did that cup just go through your stomach?” A wide smiled spread across the boys face, his chest starting to fall up and down with his excited laughs. “HOLY FUCK YOU CAN SEE ME!” He danced around in circles, pumping his fist through the air, my eyes about to pop out of my skull. Who the fuck was this kid? He had golden cinnamon colored skin, deep brown eyes with dark purple bags under them, raven hair with blonde streaks through the front, and plain black skinny jeans with a white t-shirt and checkered vans. Was he attractive? Yes. Did I know why he was in my house yet? No. Was I still wondering why that glass went through him? Definitely.

The boy still danced around in circles, small shouts of excitement racing through him. “Yo,” I called out. He didn’t even acknowledge me, just kept cheering to himself. “Dude, what the fuck. Why are you in my house?” He stopped dancing around, catching his breath and looking at me with a big smile. “Whew! Oh my god. This is awesome!” I still stood confused before yelling. “WHY ARE YOU IN MY HOUSE? WHO EVEN ARE YOU?” He laughed loudly, clutching his stomach. “My name’s Calum. And frankly, I don’t have a good reason for that besides that I thought I’d get used to the silence, figured I might as well live on my own if no one was gonna see to me.” I leaned against the counter, utterly confused by the boy. “So you broke into a random house?” He shrugged. “I’ve only been here for a week.” I rubbed my temples beyond disoriented. “So let me get this straight, you wanted to live on your own so you broke into a random house because no one wanted to see you?” “Couldn’t see me,” He corrected. I started laughing. “Bro, what kind of drugs are you on? Are you homeless? A runway? Are you in trouble? Should I like call the police or something?” He shook his head smiling. “It’d be useless. They wouldn’t be able to see me. My own family and best mates couldn’t even see me.” I tried to wrap my head around the words, wondering if there was a hidden meaning. “What do you mean they can’t see you?” He leaned against the island and shrugged, nonchantly smiling. “I’m dead.”

I started laughing, throwing my head back. “What’s so bad that you had to fake your own death, man?” He shook his head with a smile. “No, deadass. I’m dead. My ass is dead. This ass? Dead.” He said, turning around and pointing to his back jean pockets. “Oh, so you’re also a comedian. Good one, now get the fuck out of my house.” He kept his back to me with his head turned. “Legit, dude. Touch my ass.” I scoffed at his words, not sure what to do. “No! What the fuck?” He shrugged his head down. “Seriously. Touch my ass, your hand will go right through.” I shook my head, crossing my arms tight. “I’m not gonna touch your ass, man.” He shrugged and turned back around so his chest was facing me. “Your loss.” He crossed his arms, copying my position. I tilted my head towards my chest, trying to hold onto the information. Finally I lifted my head, smirking at him. “So, you’re like Calum the friendly ghost?” He rolled his eyes, a groan leaving his throat. “If I was still alive, that would become the reason I’d off myself.” I chuckled at his statement, trying to think of what to say. “I promise, Im dead. If you want proof try to touch me.” I looked at the boy skeptically, he was definitely real. He had to be. I could list off every detail of him, it was all so real. Sure, he had a pale look to him, but maybe he was just ill or something.

Hesitantly I took a step towards him, then another, and another. I reached my hand out as did he, our fingertips brushing, my hands just feeling a cold chill, but no contact. “What. The. Fuck.” I whispered, my body still remembering the cold feeling it just encountered. “Told you, I’m dead.” I just sat with my mouth open, running my fingers back and forth through his palm, shivers running down my back. Most people on the first encounter with a ghost would scream and run away, but with Calum? I felt almost drawn in? Confused and needing to know more? Almost as if I could help him pass on? Is that what ghosts do? “So why’re you here then? In my house?” He sighed, watching my fingers pass through his hand. “After I died, I went home, not realizing I was dead, I guess. I screamed my mum’s name, my sister’s name. Neither of them could see or hear me. No one I’ve come across lately can. And then you walk in and throw a cup at me and it’s the first sign of human interaction I’ve had in over a week. I saw the for sale sign, figured it would be a while until someone moved in, so I thought Id make myself at home until then.” I pulled away from the boy’s hand, still looking as real as ever. I didn’t say anything besides analyze his features once more. He was easily attractive, but obviously dead nonetheless.

He sighed, pushing himself off of the counter. He walked towards the living room, not even bothering to say anything else to me. “Where are you going?” I called out. He looked around the living room and gestured to my stuff. “Someone moved in, now I gotta go find a different house.” I could feel myself become almost... sad? I didn’t want the beautiful stranger to leave just yet. “You don’t have to. Stay.” I said softly, leaning against the doorframe from the kitchen to the living room. He tucked his hands in his pockets, his shoulders drooping as his eyes looked at me curiously. “Seriously?” I nodded my head. “I just moved in, I need someone to keep me company while I unpack. I’m Y/N, by the way.”” He smiled softly, nodding his head towards the boxes. “So, Y/N. What room first?” I smiled at him and grabbed a random box to the kitchen, leading him back that way. We talked for hours, getting to know each other, and where we both came from. I learned he was originally from Sydney, Australia, a long ways from the California home we were in now. He had a sister named Mali-Koa, and three best friends named Ashton, Michael, and Luke. He played instruments and soccer, football as he called it. He loved dogs and was beyond irritated that I didn’t bring my old dog from home along with me to live here. I also learned that he was 19 as well, but never pressured anything about his death or how he died. I’ve never met a ghost, so I wasn’t sure what would offend him. I started to really get along with Calum, laughing at his jokes and his phrases, a smile never leaving my face.

Weeks passed, seven to be exact. Me and the ghost boy had become best friends, always talking when I’d get home from work, he’d sit at the dinner table with me while I’d eat, or sit on the couch and watch tv together. A soft cold weight would be wrapped around my shoulders, Calum somehow figuring out how to gain more power within himself to start getting some sort of force on things. He had started sleeping in my bed alongside me, a small weight making the bed dip on his side, causing a smile on my face everynight as it got heavier. His body was still airy like gas when I’d pass through it, the chill becoming less cold every day. It was safe to say that I had some sort of feelings for Calum, but I was too scared to admit it. How insane would it be to tell a ghost that you had feelings for him? How insane is it to actually like a ghost? Everyday my feelings got stronger for him and his beauty and shitty jokes. I couldn’t get enough of him.

Today I came home overly stressed from work, clients that I worked with today just being complete assholes and made my day terrible. I walked through the doorway, slamming the door shut on the way. “Y/N! YOU’RE HOME! COME CHECK THIS OUT!” I heard Calum’s voice yell from the kitchen. I smelt something like food wafting through the air, overly confused. I walked through the kitchen doorway to see Calum with a pot cooking on the stove. “I made spaghetti! I did it! I don’t know how! But I concentrated enough and I made you food. Isn’t that fucking sick?” He had the widest smile on his face, his cheeks a rosy color from being so excited. I giggled softly, a small smile taking over my face. “That’s amazing, Cal. I’m proud of you.” His smile faltered a little as he looked at me, a loud clanking sound of the spatula falling through his hand and hitting the floor. Spaghetti sauce was everywhere on the floor, Calum looking overly upset. “Shit, Y/N, I’m sorry. I forgot and wasn’t focusing and-“ “Cal, it’s okay.” I laughed lightly, walking over and setting the spatula in the sink, grabbing paper towels and cleaning the floor. I threw them away and grabbed a plate and fork, dishing myself up some of the pasta. I took a bite of it, leaning against the counter and moaning softly. “This is amazing!” He smiled softly, a blush covering his cheeks. “Thanks. It’s all I remember how to make besides toast if I’m being honest.” I smiled at him and nodded my head giving him reassurance on the food. I sat down at the island as he stood across from me and rested his chin on his hands.

“Are you okay?” I nodded my head as I took another bite of food. “It was a long day at work. Overly fucking stressful.” He nodded understandly, watching me eat what was left of the pasta since I didn’t get much. “Wanna talk about it?” I pushed the plate away from me, rubbing my hands against my eyes and then threw my head back. “It’s just so fucking stupid. Like I wish I could quit my job and just fucking kill myself or something. Throw myself in front of a car.” I closed my eyes and stared at the ceiling as Calum spoke up softly. “Been there, done that.” I opened my eyes and looked at him, his eyes staring at his hands. “What?” My voice was soft, scared of ruining the topic. “It’s how I died. Well how I think I died anyways.” The boy looked up at me, his eyes dull and not the pretty brown they always were. “I, uh, was really depressed. I dropped out of high school, quit my job, a bunch of this shit. Just kinda prepared myself to not exist anymore. Then one day I went to an overpass, jumped off and was hit by a car. Either a semi or bus. It was a 40 foot drop. I don’t remember the impact. I think I died the second I hit the car. It’s all kinda blurry after I jumped.” I felt my eyes well with tears. Calum, my calum, the love of my life, tried to kill himself and succeeded. He was so hurt and depressed that he killed himself. I felt bad about my earlier comment. “I’m sorry, Cal. I didn’t know. I wouldn’t have made the comment if I knew.” He shrugged, “It’s okay. I mean, if you think about it, if it never happened, I never would’ve met you and felt what it was like to really be in love, even if it’s too late.”

I felt my breath hitch in my throat. Did he just say he was in love with me? “Love?” I asked quietly. He just nodded his head, no shame to his previous sentence. “I’ve been so fucking afraid to tell you I love you thinking that you would’ve thought Im weird, and now Im here knowing that you love me and holy fuck.” He just chuckled, walking around the island to me. He kept one hand sitting on the island, the other tight to his side. He leaned his head close to mine, I could feel his breath fanning over my face. It was warm, not his usual cold. His eyebrows furrowed, focusing on something on my face. “Are you okay?” I asked with a small laugh. “I’m just trying hard enough to focus so that when I kiss you my face doesn’t fall through yours,” He chuckled, his eyebrows softening and his eyes crinkling. Without noticing my actions I leaned in quickly, cupping his face and kissing him. His lips were soft, and his skin was warm. His cheekbones were hard, but his skin so smooth. He felt nice, something I wouldn’t wanna ever let go of.

Then he pulled away crazily fast, I could almost hear his heart beating. His eyes shot open, and in front of my own eyes I watched as he dissipated into thin air in the matter of a second. Gone before me. I felt my eyes start to gloss over, so overwhelmed and confused, having just kissed the boy I was in love with, and it felt so real. So fucking real. But he was gone.

A two weeks had passed without Calum. The house felt silent and empty. It didn’t feel like home anymore. Without Calum’s dip in the bed at night along with his heavy breathing, or the movies we’d watch every night with the heavy weight on my shoulders of his comfort. It was all gone. And what left along with him was my feeling of comfort, safety, and most importantly reassuring love. I had taken the last week off from work, saying that I was ill, instead my mental health deteriorating and constant sobs of missing Calum echoing throughout the vacant halls. I couldn’t help but feel as if I was the reason he left, I moved to quickly and he became uncomfortable. Whatever the reason, I’d never find out. It was only 10 am, and I finally trudged out of bed to go make myself a cup of coffee. I was in a pair of fuzzy socks and pajama shorts along with a shirt Calum said he loved on me. It was an oversized The Maine shirt, saying he used to own one just like it. The coffee was finished, and I walked into the living room with it, sitting down on the couch and covering my legs with a blanket Calum and I had bought together on an impulse Target run. I had finally gotten comfortable, settling in while slowly sipping my coffee as there was a knock on the door.

I groaned, setting down the cup on the coffee table and flipping the blanket off of me. I drug my feet towards the door using both of my hands to open it. I rested against it, one hand on the doorknob inside, and the other resting on the side. In front of me stood a pretty girl, gorgeous golden cinnamon skin, blonde wavy hair, the prettiest gap between her two front teeth along with her wide smile that could only make me feel as if I’ve seen it before. “Can I help you?” I asked softly. Her smile widened. “Are you Y/N Y/L/N?” I nodded my head, the prettiest accent ringing through my ears. “Your name was my brother’s first words when he woke up two weeks ago. He got discharged from the hospital today, said he had to see you.” I cocked my head at her words, beyond confused. She looked back at the black car in my driveway, the passenger door opening and a man getting out of it. He kept his face down, not sure what to do. He walked up towards the front porch steps and stood before the first step, eventually looking up and staring into my eyes.

“Calum.”

“Hey, princess.”

[musicalmukebox]

Let’s Get (Back) Together | l.h.  (2A)

Ctto of the gifs used!!

AU: Parent Trap Dad!Luke

Summary: A strong love which led to a strong marriage and twin daughters. Yet in the end, it didn’t turn out so well. You strongly refuse to encounter him ever again. But what happens when both of you coincidentally send your twin daughters to the same summer camp in Florida after 10 years? 

Word Count: 2.7k

Warnings: slight swearing and some shade too  

A/N: This part is divided into 3 because it shows yours, Luke and the twins’ side of life after 10 years. Heads up, the twins’ names are Rebecca and Stella. Anyways, this part is focused on Luke 10 years later. Enjoy!

I don’t own Parent Trap and its ideas. It’s only used as inspiration.

1 / 2A / 2B / 2C / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 13 / 14 / 15

Feedback/Questions/Others? Here.

-

Now, it’s the year 2034.

It’s around 6 pm in Sydney. Luke stood by in the arrival area of the airport, wiping some sweat on his forehead when he was bombarded by some paparazzi on his way inside earlier. As he recovered, he feels a vibrating buzz on one of the pockets of his jeans. Bringing out his phone, it was a text.

“Just arrived, dad! Give me around 5-10 minutes, just waiting for my luggage.” He reads. It was from *Rebecca*.

Jokes on him, it’s actually Stella. Originally, it’s Rebecca with Luke then Stella with you. Nope, they switched. But hey, let’s just stick to *Rebecca*.

This trip to Florida was the first time Rebecca travels abroad by herself, and boy he missed her, even it’s been a month and a half.

His little girl alone and gone? Shit.

He was hesitant at first when she asked you about this camp, adding how Scarlett Irwin, Ashton’s oldest daughter, had fun there 2 years ago. Yet, why not? It’s a small start with teaching her some independence, especially since he himself traveled without any family when he was in his late teenage years, not even counting the boys.

But calling each other wasn’t an easy thing, trying to find the middle ground always. They talked for the first two weeks, which then abruptly stopped on the last half of her stay in camp. He couldn’t blame her, especially since camp is physically tiring. Not only that, he grew very busy too with working on new music. Even up to this time, the band is still making music.

But the next album would be the last since he wants to focus on his family, on Rebecca. The boys felt the same, especially since they have families of their own. If that was the case, then he would gladly be satisfied with working as a music producer and lyric composer for other artists and bands. Just as long as music is involved, everything is well.

“Dad!” Luke’s attention shifted. He immediately looks up to see a short, blonde girl with her favorite black ripped jeans and suitcase. His stressed expression turned happy.

“Come here, you little poppet!” He exclaims, kneeling down to her level and spread his arms wide open. Rebecca runs to him despite her luggage, and gives him a warm hug, being lifted by him too. How she missed him, all this time.

“I missed you so much, dad.” She mumbles in his ear.

“I miss you too, Becks.” He uses her other nickname before he lets her go from his grasp and then they do their special handshake, air-guitaring in the end. He begins to notice a few changes.

“You cut your hair! I thought you loved your black dyed ends?” He starts.

“Well, Florida was just as warm as Sydney, dad! I couldn’t help it.” She states, tugging a piece on the back of her ear.

“You got really tan and a bit sunburnt too, huh?” Luke observes.

“Yeah, but it was worth it. Camp was really fun.” She says as she reminisces what she calls the best summer of her life so far. Suddenly, she felt some tears going down her cheek.

“Oh no poppet, what’s wrong? Did someone break your heart already?” Luke worries, wiping away some tears.

“It’s nothing. I just really missed you, and time felt so long when you’re in a different country.” She answers, sniffing a bit.

“Hmm I see, poppet. But don’t you worry, you’re back with me now, okay? I got you always.” He reassures before getting a hold of her wheeled suitcase.

“How about you talk more about what happened in camp on the way home, yeh?”

“Sure thing, dad.” *Rebecca* bubbly answers, finally glad to use this word after so long.

-

“Here’s one thing I want to point out, dad. I love you and all, but it’s weird when some camp counselors knew you from way before I was born and talked about how good-looking you were and still are and wanted to marry you. They even wanted you to make a sudden appearance!” *Rebecca* cringes, getting a slight shiver in her bones. Luke laughs at her emotions as his eyes maintained at the road.

“Well, I’m flattered. So far as I’m concerned, you’re the only girl I have in my life right now.” He professes.

“Welp, that’s the second time I’ve cringed on this trip home.” She jokes.

“So what else happened? Did you do anything mischievous or rad?” Luke tried to act cool like he says he was, but he did try though.

“Cringing for the third time, oh no.” *Rebecca* facepalms.

“Now come on, tell me more.” Rebecca ponders on other funny stuff that happened, despite most of the time, it was spent arguing and competing with Stella before they maturely put aside their difference. All of a sudden, this one really crazy experience hit her mind: when she lost that game of poker. She changed the perspective into the real Rebecca’s, of course.

“Well one time, after dinner and before curfew, the girls and I played poker and boy, I got a lot of candy and American knick knacks afterwards. Also, this one girl challenged me to a best of 3 rounds and I won! To top it off, I made her do a forfeit!” *Rebecca* excitedly shares as Luke drives.

“Oh no, what did you make her do?” Luke asks, smirking at his daughter’s antics. Rebecca is a very cheeky, mischievous girl, always having tricks above her sleeve and tactics to pursue them. Just like her dad.

“I made her jump in the cold lake, commando. The other girls and I stole her clothes too, leaving only her shoes.” She reveals, followed by a hit of laughter from her.

“You evil little girl. But very smart must I say for an 11 year old to have nudity involved.” Luke commends. As a father, he is very open. If she has questions, he makes sure to answer them as truthfully as possible. Thank the heavens she hasn’t asked the where-do-babies-come-from question ever.

He also doesn’t want to be a harsh and strict one, which could lead to Rebecca lying to him a lot in the near future, yet he doesn’t spoil her too much and corrects her when she is wrong or does wrong things. He wants her to trust him and vice versa.

“Well thank you, 37 year old dad.” *Rebecca* gives a funny comeback.

“Don’t push it, poppet.” Luke chuckled. From his peripheral vision, he noticed *Rebecca* looking the sunset.

“Missed seeing that?”

“Yup. Nothing beats it.” *Rebecca* says as her eyes gleam at how beautiful it was. It was nothing compared to Los Angeles. She was gazing at it when they reached a stoplight, wherein it was a chance for Luke to plug his phone to the aux cord of his car and then presses shuffle on his music.

“I don't mind, letting you down easy but just give it time.” He sings along. It removed *Rebecca* from her daze as she knew this song too, so she sang along with him.

“If it don't hurt now, but just wait, just wait a while, you're not the big fish in the pond no more.” She sings back. When the chorus played, they were jamming hard, not giving a damn with what the other people from the outside and other cars would think.

“I definitely missed singing songs in the car with you, poppet.” Luke confirms, holding *Rebecca’s* hand. Before they knew, Luke saw a familiar white house at the end of Braxton Lane.

“We’re home.” Luke says as he drives through the garage, parking it there. As they got out of the car, *Rebecca* admired how lovely the house was. White and huge, just as the real Rebecca described to her.

“Felicia, we’re home!” He shouts from outside. Felicia is the nanny of the family since the beginning and always helps out in any way she can. He opens the trunk of the car, and yanks out *Rebecca’s* luggage. She just kept looking around while he did such.

“You really missed this huh?” She nods. They both walk the pathway to the front door, and as Luke opened the door, it was dark as they got inside. But when they closed the door, the lights suddenly turned on, seeing a lot of ‘new’ faces from *Rebecca’s* eyes.

“Welcome home, Rebecca!” They burst out. This whole time, Luke planned this surprise a few days before. He wanted it to be perfect. *Rebecca* was overwhelmed with the surprise, yet enlightened to see the close loved ones of her dad. She felt welcome.

“Oh you’ve changed quite a bit, little Becks.” An elderly woman walks up first to *Rebecca* before embracing her. *Rebecca* quickly analyzes her face, trying to recall who she is from the family tree the real Rebecca taught her.

“Aww, Granny Liz! How I’ve missed you!” She remembered. As they let go, a teenage boy walks towards Rebecca.

“Got a bit tan over there in Florida, Becca?” He compliments. *Rebecca* analyzes again, Then it hit her.

“More than here, Max.” Max is her oldest cousin on Luke’s side. He’s 17 and specifically, Jack and Celeste Hemmings’ only child.  

“Oh no, this diva is back.” Joining in the conversation is Alex Clifford, Michael’s 12 year old and oldest son. The real Rebecca mentioned to her that he’s her ultimate best friend since they knew each other for so long. But little did the real Rebecca knew is that *Rebecca* finds him really cute.

“What’s it to you, loser?” She banters along with a sassy tone.

“Wow, it’s not even an hour yet and you guys are all sassy already.” The last person to join the conversation was a middle-aged redhead with her arms crossed.

“Oh Felicia, we’re really like this. You tolerated us for it.” The “Felicia” Alex referred to is the nanny the real Rebecca grew up with.

“Hmm. Well if you excuse me, Alex, let me give some love to my poppet while you and the other kids go ahead and play games or whatever your generation does nowadays.”

“Alright. Bye, Felicia. Catch up later, Becks.” Alex leaves the scene, probably going to talk guy stuff with Max.

“So how are you, poppet?” Felicia begins.

“Great, a bit tired from the trip, but still great.”

“That’s nice to here. Anyways, I prepared your favorite meals, like 5-cheese macaroni and cheese, roasted chicken, brownies. Go and get something to munch on, afterwards you better tell me stories about camp.” *Rebecca* nods as she grabs a plate and serving the good food on her plate.

Meanwhile and much later, also to Luke’s dismay, his parents had to leave ahead because they have an early flight to London the following day. Luke was then chatting with the guys with their wives by the patio while the other teenage and adolescent children were playing Frisbee and other games by the backyard.

“Well mates and gals, the night is pretty young. Let’s drink to that!” Ashton brings his beer up, urging everyone to bring their drinks up. They clinked them together, which was followed by a set of “woo’s”.

“It’s been a little while since we’ve had something like this, right?” Luke asks as he continues to indulge his beer.

“Yeah. I feel like we’re in our twenties again. Those were some fucking good years, well before the kids.” Calum reminisced as he lit up his second cigarette of the night.

“We’re lacking weed though.” Michael says with realization, getting chuckles from everyone.

“I have to say, Rebecca’s changed quite a lot, yeh?” Celeste acknowledged.

“Yeah! Her hair is short, which is rare.” Crystal points out. Yes, they got married, which is pretty cute. They have three kids, Alex, Beatrix and a younger boy named Nathan, or Nate.

“She might’ve grown an inch or two since the last time I saw her.” Eleanor, Calum’s wife, adds. They met when Eleanor was one of the tour photographers for the band, wherein she was always on Calum’s side of the stage taking photos. He gradually grew a liking for her, starting with having lunches together and photoshoots pretty much anywhere. Then, then rest is history. Marriage and an only son named Nicholas, or Nick.

“She’s grown a bit shyer and quiet too. I don’t know, but I’m not used to her not like this laid back, and she would always arrive at a party like this with a loud hello.” Bryana addresses. She and Ashton sorted things out and tried again. Now, they’ve been married for more than 10 years, also with 3 kids, Scarlett and two boys named Oliver and Topher.

“Give her a break, love. The poor girl just got off a really long flight.” Ashton intervenes.

“Hold on, is Sierra still coming over, mate?” Jack changes topic, about Sierra. Deaton to be specific, also known as the singer Essy. She’s also a close friend of the band. Even a friend of yours too before.

“Sadly, she couldn’t. Working in the studio still for that next album.” Luke answers. Oh no, this topic.

“Oh yeah. So when are you gonna tell Rebecca about you and Sierra? She onlys knows you two as good friends.” Crystal brings it up a lot further.

“Shit, I don’t know. Soon perhaps?” He replies, really unsure.

“Well, you gotta do it fast. You’re getting married again in a month, God damnit!” Michael reminds, putting his head on top of Crystal’s shoulder. Luke’s stress levels rose. He didn’t know to approach this situation, especially since Rebecca didn’t have an actual motherly influence after the divorce.

Hmm, unless you count Felicia.

“Again, lol.” Michael points out that word jokingly, which gave an immediate shock everyone in the room.

Picture a lot of Kermit the frogs drinking tea. It was like that, except with alcohol and cigarettes. Shady indeed. If there was the “He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named” from Harry Potter, then this was the Topic-Which-Should-Never-Be-Brought-Up.

Much to their luck, Luke didn’t rage or anything. He was unresponsive and just continues to finish his second beer of the night. But he felt a pang of pain. Regret even, but he didn’t want to set the evening with bad vibes.

“Drunk already, Clifford? It’s only 9 pm.” Calum breaks the silence, getting a chuckle from Eleanor.

“Not really, but I’m not as strong as I used to be, Hood.” Michael mumbles, and right before he takes another sip, Crystal grabs his beer from him.

“And I believe you’ve drank too much for tonight. You’re driving, or better yet, I will.” She says politely out of safety. Michael grins like a Cheshire cat, grabbing back his beer.

Despite those past topics, the group continued on talking, never running out of things to say or share. Not to mention indulging more alcohol, except for Crystal, Ashton, Eleanor and Jack. They’re the designated drivers.

Ashton shared that he tried to answer the where-do-babies-come-from question from Nate one day, while Luke shared what *Rebecca* told him earlier in the car about the camp counselors, Jack told about his trip to Sweden with his family, and lastly, the most amazing one which is from Calum and Eleanor.

“We’re expecting.” Eleanor announces, receiving hugs and congratulations from everyone. Time passed so quickly, and eventually, midnight hits. The boys and girls still had work in the morning.

Good luck to them, especially Michael. As they all left, Luke crashed instantly on the couch, his tipsy eyes about to close after drinking a lot of beer.

“Someone looks dead tired.” It was *Rebecca*, commenting on his exhausted physique and sits beside him.

“Imagine working in the studio, driving for 30 minutes to the airport to fetch you, then organizing and entertaining this little party for you.” He responds, his arms reaching out to her for a cuddle. Hesitant at first, but eh, she wanted to treasure everything she missed out on with him. Kissing the top of her forehead, Luke speaks up again.

“Tomorrow, we are spending the whole day together. Anything you want to do, poppet, let’s go for it.”

“Well, that whole day starts now, dad. Let’s start with sleeping.” She suggests as he nods. Lazily, they stood up.

“Good night poppet. Don’t let jetlag win you over.”

“Noted. Good night, dad.” As Luke was the first to walk away, Rebecca speaks up.

“Good luck with your future hangover.” She adds, jokingly.

Oh this girl, he thought. Today is bound to be good.

[5secondsofrant]

I don’t now why but for some reason I find it really weird and slightly awkward how Ashton always seems to refer to kaykay as ‘the wonderful kaykay’ . Wonderful I think is quite a platonic word, just very generic. If I didn’t know anything about them I wouldn’t think that she was his ‘girlfriend’ more just a friend. I don’t really understand why he feels the need to do it and not just call her by her name. I realise this is a very pointless thing to comment on it’s more just an observation.

Well, first of all, no comment is a pointless comment. 

I haven’t been around enough to be able to compare how he treats Kaykay on social media to another girlfriend, and I also get that people change, so it might not be a good indicator for me (or anyone) to analyze this. But I agree that wonderful is really generic and friendly, but also there might be a reason on why wonderful? Like something happened and she got it from there? No clue, but I’m trying to see from the “I believe they’re dating” and “I don’t think they’re dating” POVs.

Also, this might be a little reach but, have you noticed none of them actually refer to the girls by their name? At least Ashton refers to her by saying her nickname (and not just wonderful, or girlfriend, but also acknowledges her nickname), but if you look at Luke and Michael, they tend to never mention their name. 

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I know the blog’s name is 5secondsofrant and most of you might imagine me yelling alone about stuff they [5sos] do, but I want to say that this space is open for discussions, different points of view and safety for those who don’t feel really safe sharing their opinions on other social media because they’ll get bullied. While everyone is respectful we should be fine. And again, if you feel like commenting about small stuff, do so. Sometimes it can bring attention to something I haven’t been looking at and it’s good to get things out of your chest (or head). Have a nice day (or probably night)!