#therealvinelle

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

“Great-great-grandmother Ursula only died last year, and that was after she took a tumble off her broomstick.”

No, actually, it was because one of the idiot beaters had directed a bludger at her head, but Alphard wasn’t going to bring that up.”

I’ve been re-reading this fic after yesterday’s update and it truly is amazing. But my real question is, what’s the story with Great-great-grandmother Ursula. She’s sounds like she’s from almost two generations above Dumbledore and she was still playing Quidditch ? Was she sitting in the stands? What kind of woman was she and how did she die ?

Thank you so much for thé fic it is wonderful and I am so excited for any future updates.

Look, @therealvinelle, praise!

The answer is that secret fic has required @therealvinelle and I to make a hilariously detailed and notated Black family tree in order to keep track both of characters and family scandals. We needed an example of one of the relatives who does last forever (shockingly few of them as JKR had a purge of the entire goddamn family ~1980-1990 that's beautifully hilarious) and we needed a reason for her to have died.

We settled on Great-Great Grandmother Ursula Flint, married to Phineus Nigellus Black (the headmaster guy we see in the books), who we decided lasted until 1981 (good for her!) and so we thought sudden unsuspicious death in the wizarding world, could be a lot of things, eh she gets hit in the head in Quidditch. Which is to say she was most certainly playing.

Great-Great Grandmother Ursula was one of those little old ladies who lived forever and never seemed to run out of energy or the life to go out and do (sometimes inadvisable) things. She was one of those little old ladies who you want to be when you grow up, who just keeps on going even though her husband died sixty years prior, and is out there playing Quidditch with the rest of them. This unfortunately leads to her death when "an idiot beater" hits her not realizing that yes, he is playing against a little old lady and perhaps he should not go all out. She died as she lived. In glory.

[thecarnivorousmuffinart]

Lily Evans from The Man Who Would Be King by me and @therealvinelle, circa 2024

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

I don't know a damn thing about Twilight or its characters, but I love how you write Alice as 100% sick of this shit in And Then There Were None.

And I love you, anon.

Look, @therealvinelle, praise!

[rankheresy]

Who Dunnit? Again? The Riddle Murders

Rank Heresy is back with a new episode, another murder mystery, this time asking if we're really sure Tom Riddle murdered the Riddles. (Once again, the answer is, it's probably the person it looked like which was not Tom Riddle and god that boy isn't murdering all the people we thought he was).

Check it out on our usual platforms.

[therealvinelle]

The way ahead

In light of recent tumblr news, @theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin / @thecarnivorousmuffinmeta and I have thought about the way ahead.

We are not going to move our blog activity to a different site, mainly because there's no other place quite like tumblr.

We will export our blogs, I for one am going to answer the best asks that I saved in my inbox and drafts, and we will slowly shift our attention elsewhere.

Here is our plan, as it stands at the moment:

The Rank Heresy podcast Rank Heresy will take the place of our blogs in being where we host our theories and heresies, and we are happy to receive feedback on what most interests people

Q&A livestream sessions What it says on the tin: questions ticking in, Muffin and I answering off the cuff.

Discord community Using our Rank Heresy discord server (invite link) we will continue our activity there as it stands now, hosting writing competitions, streaming things, and the greatly celebrated book club.

Continued presence on Ao3 Obviously.

We will look back on this era with fondness, vague incredulity (it's been a bizarre run), and a host of other feelings, and hope we don't lose touch with too many of you.

[callisteios]

You should read the twilight meta by @therealvinelle & @thecarnivorousmuffinmeta and their fanfics i think you would rly like their deconstruction of twilight

you are so right because I already love the muffin and vinelle’s work! Paranoid Bella and Caveman Bella have special places in my heart! They along with the release of midnight sun reignited my love for twilight and were an inspiration for my vamp quiz

[belovedordos]

Hi, I'm one of the anons who asked about diarrhea Torgrim a while ago on @therealvinelle. I'm sending this message to apologize. I think you anon blocked me on @therealvinelle. I am sincerely sorry about asking such a dumb question. I thought I was being funny/clever; I wasn't. It's also a waste of your time. I should have been more self-aware and apologized sooner as well, not just when I realized there were consequences (and reflected and realized just how rude I was wasting your time).

Oh my god, please, don't worry about it. I didn't block you, I make a rule not to block anons unless they're harassment or weird in a bad way. I have no idea why you can't anon me on therealvinelle.

(The ask in question, as I answered it. Well, wrote the verbal equivalent of the ":/" emoticon but it did get answered. Which means I can't have blocked you, since you can't both answer and block an anon.)

[eggxeggxegg]

What I like about personal interpretation is that I can read very much into something that could be implied if you look at it in a bad light but also deny something else because it was not ever explicitly confirmed.

For example, I really like the implication that Slughorn was a perv and was trying to groom students in his slug club. And part of the reason Tom riddle had to get a gig as a pawn shop salesman assistant was because Tom fell out with Slughorn and couldn’t get the needed networking to get a better job.

But I also don’t really like to lean into Tom being predatory with Ginny. I’m into the idea that Tom actually was a good friend to Ginny and he told her a lot of his secrets in return. I headcanon she was actually in the know about the chamber of secrets stuff, but she flushed it down the toilet when the guilt finally got to her. But she was never afraid of Tom and that’s why she stole the diary back. Tom staged the whole meeting with Harry, and one aspect was making sure that Ginny would be relieved of any fault. I like to think Ginny was secretly sad that her friend was gone and never had as good of a friend since.

[edwardsmate4ever]

PSA- this is going on right now. I wouldn't care if the stories linked to my AO3 or ffn account, but no, it's fully copied and pasted to this site. Three of mine were there. Make sure you check for yours, and write them an email to take it down!!

@jessicanjpa @edwardskhakipants @palmofafreezinghand @gisellelx @acewardcullen @therealvinelle share far and wide!!!!

[strangeharbor]

rare meme breaching discord containment for @therealvinelle

(marvolard sounds like something you have on the edge of your dinner plate and refuse to eat)

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

What- what does Alphard think the Knight bus is? "Functionally a brothel"??? Is it?

The Man Who Would Be King by me and @therealvinelle

In the words of @therealvinelle in a comment that asked just this

It's a bus consisting of beds that nobody ever takes, the people on it are just on it for the sake of… hanging out, nothing to see here… and no one takes it apart from Harry that one time he accidentally flagged it down. Never mentioned as an option by anybody, and as Heyob wrote in their fic (as we had the same idea at the same time, I love Heyob for this) (https://archiveofourown.org/works/54186907) Ernie is paid enough to tell people not to fuck on the beds but not enough to recite that rule. In other words, that Knight Bus is just so unbelievably shady, massive opium den vibes, I'm if Harry asked Stan would have given him a blunt.

My answer is functionally the same but I can go into more detail.

Who Takes the Knight Bus

We have generally one solid general reason people would deign to take the Knight Bus: those who cannot Apparate and those who cannot use the Floo network.

Now, this might be those who could not afford Apparition lessons and or never passed their exams as well as those who are not on the Floo network in general. You could also have those who legally cannot Apparate, such as Harry when he was underage in book three. And also those who are not in a state to Apparate or Floo: in other words those who are hopelessly inebrieated.

Basically, if you can do the other two though (or portkey) you're not taking it because you can get where you're going faster, easier, cheaper (Knight Bus takes longer and while costs miniscule sickles that still more sickles than you'd pay to Apparate and you have to deal with the fucking bus).

So daytime hours you might have a small but decent commuting crowd during rush hour or what have you the same you do in most public transit.

But what happens when everything... closes...

Now you don't have the people going to and from work or to and from stores, everything's closed. When Harry rides it in third year at night, we see everything weirdly change to beds and the people riding it are just... loitering around... not leaving. They're in fact all served refreshments.

What you have then are the drunk people returning from pubs who are too sloshed to go home/don't want to go home yet and people who don't want to rent a room for however much money/be at a known establishment where people might recognize them and instead pay 3 sickles to ride the bus with the beds on it to have their fun.

Basically.

It's the shadiest fucking thing to be riding at three am and there is no universe in which it is not functionally a brothel between the hours of 12 to 5 am per the way JKR describes its operations.

[thecarnivorousmuffinart]

so, while I was listening your and vinelle's magnificent podcast, I made a couple of drawings! not exactly fanarts, but I decided to send them anyway in hope that they'll convey how strongly I love your metas and fanfiction lol. you have such an interesting way to look at fandoms, and I feel immensely grateful that you guys share it with us

this one meant to be a fanart to the prologue of The Man Who Would Be King, but I got a bit sidetracked. now, I'm not sure it can qualify as one

this one is renesmee and her horrifying gift cosplaying together as madonna and the child

this one shows my completely imaginative plot of Bella trying to create some good new year memories with renesmee after last year disastrous volturi visit. the photos look appropriately eerie

Oh my god! This is beautiful and I'm so flattered anon (and amazed the podcast induces fan art of any kind).

Look, @therealvinelle, praise for @rankheresy, blogs, fanfics and fan art!

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

Not really a question, just popping in to say I'm very excited to hear you're working on HP again, even if it's a secret project! I loved when Harry met Tom, and I also really enjoyed your recent AU project with Lily surviving the attack on Godric's hollow.

Thank you, anon, glad you've liked the work so much!

Look, @therealvinelle, praise excitement (as this is a cowritten thing).

Though I should caution that... the story is very lulzy, extremely lulzy, and while I find it addictive to write and deeply hilarious it's ah a bit more than even my previous HP comedies have been.

[rankheresy]

Who Dunnit?: A New Rank Heresy Episode

Rank Heresy is back after a long (but not as long as last time) absence as we once again delve into murder mysteries, this time, discussing who killed Hezpibah Smith.

Catch the episode in the usual locations pinned to the blog.

[just-another-weird-artist]

To recover from the stress of med school (exams in September are a sign of Satan's influence on the world) I've been re-reading some of @therealvinelle and @thecarnivorousmuffinmeta 's brilliant fics (seriously, I spent whole afternoons laughing like an idiot).

To have it set in the muffinelle-verse I used these for the casting:

Carlisle

Renata (with a charming fur hat)

Aro

Here's a some quick paintings of a scene from Nebuchadenezzar's Dream, as screenshots form an hypothetical movie.

(Luckily all other characters don't have any close up shot and can have vague and blurry features.)

Overall it was a fun exercise in working fast and loose and not getting bogged down in the details as I usually do when I work digitally.

[whump-bunny]

Some fanart inspired by a meta from @therealvinelle. (I seriously love both her and @thecarnivorousmuffinmeta. If you like blasphemous headcanons and analysis of Twilight and other such media, I suggest you check em out.)

Anyway, the prompt what "What if Aro found Carlisle as a newborn?"

And basically Carlisle would be forced to drink human blood against his will and be absolutely miserable. So I drew that :)