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grapejuicestyless · 5 months

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The Tide Always Goes Out

Conrad Fisher x fem!reader

ANGST

Summery: You were sick. You had always been sick. But you looked so healthy, so it couldn’t be true. Conrad could live in denial of his best friend’s inevitable death but there was nothing he could do to stop it and he has to accept it.(Inspired by the book Little Women specifically the scene in the 2019 film between Beth and Jo.) Mentions of illness and death.

We sat on the beach squished on a small blanket. wrinkles from our shifting and creases beneath us from where we sit. We talk about everything and anything all morning. Not minding the grey overcast of the clouds covering the usually very blue sky. Or how the waves are more violent than they usually are. I know this because I remember it vividly. It wasn’t that long ago I was really there. Making sure it would last forever. Only now I wish I hadn’t because it haunts me more than it comforts me. And the entire way it played out still makes my heart ache with regret.

Somehow I end up with her lying over me. She lays her head in my lap, the thin blanket woven together with faint reds and oranges creating a little hammock for her to rest on. I can feel the way her heartbeats erratically over my thigh. The way her lip’s curl into a soft smile. The ocean reflected in her eyes. If it weren’t for the heavy eye bags and the slight tremble in her bones, she’d be normal. A normal girl with no issues. You wouldn’t even know how deeply her suffering ran. Sometimes, on the better days, I let myself become fooled as well. Playing dumb hurts less than facing the truth.

“Con.” Her eyes flick up to mine, and I can’t help the way my own avert her gaze. I am too afraid to face her. Even now. The girl who I worship day and night. I never did pray before her, but now I pray that when I wake up, she’ll still be beside me. And we can enjoy the company the other has to offer just one last time. I can’t look down and see how much she’s changed. It scares me, because the traces of the illness torturing her is evidence to how real it is. And I would rather live in oblivious bliss.

“I want you to know I’m not really scared anymore.” It’s not what I expected to come from her lips, but it’s what she lands on. Theres no room in her wording for me to deny what she’s trying to say. My eyes flick down to hers, and my hands moves the hair blowing in the wind messily across her face.

“Y/n, come on. Don’t say shit like that.” I smile, but I don’t really mean in. I don’t find her words funny, and I don’t like that my best friend is sick.

“No, Conrad. I’m serious.” She breathes out, hands pressing against my skin to lift herself up. I feel a chill run through my body without her warmth to ease the morning chill. More than that, I can feel the coolness in my heart when she separates from me, and I long for the next moment I’ll feel her gentle touch.

“I’ve had a lot of time to think about this and I’m certain that I’ll be okay.” I continue to look at her, but only this time, she is the one looking at the sand, tracing her fingers in it as they stretch past her ankles to the floor.

“And I’m only so sure because I know you’ll be there.” Her eyes flicker up to the sky and I swear I see the sky brighten for just a moment. The blue underneath all the grey breaking free for a split second. “I’ve known you my whole life, and I’ve felt things for you that I have felt with no one else. I know you, and I trust that you’ll come find me in the next life.” Pulling at her lip, she waits for a response.

“But I want to keep you in this one.” My hand finds hers and all I can do is squeeze onto her desperately. Wanting nothing more but to keep her close. So I can watch her. Make sure shes okay. She’s lost all of her fight, her will to stay. And I know it’s because of the pain. I’ve heard her sobs just down the halls and the hushed whispers of my mother and her’s. But part of me wonders if it’s simply because I did not do enough. If I wasn’t enough reason for her to stay.

“It’s like the tide going out. It goes out slowly, but it can’t be stopped.” And we both know it. Theres no stopping what will happen to her. Theres no wish or medicine or fight that could keep her here beside me. It makes me want to cry, but I don’t. It would be selfish of me to get so upset when I am still here. Well and alive. Promised many years to age and achieve things she never was given the chance to.

“I’ll stop it.” I don’t look down at her, but I can feel how she shifts. The way her frown only deepens and the bags in her eyes get heavier. She sighs heavily into the silence, shaking her head slowly. She refuses to cry though. Partly because I know she knows she’ll have plenty of time to cry in the darkness of her room, when the ache in her bones is too much and theres no way of stopping it. And the other part of me recognizes that it’s because there’s no reason to in her eyes.

Y/n knew it better than all of us. She had lived a good life. She could do things and want things some children could never even dream of. She had a warm home with a glowing fireplace that her family often gathered around. A loving sister and a great brother. Her mother and father were healthy and she had the best friends she could have ever asked for. Her only regret is that she had to make her own mother pick out the details for her headstone.

When I pull her into my body, I have no idea it will be for the last time. I have no clue that her sobs won’t part from her lips. Because when she closes her eyes, she doesn’t drift into her usual place of rest. Her eyes don’t flutter open at the soft creak of the stairs when Jeremiah decides he wants a late night snack. Nor does she stir when Steven laughs, following behind him not as skillfully.

Not even when her mother screams early in the morning, hands clinging to her limp wrists, cold and lifeless. The tears from my mother mixing with her younger sisters don’t even make her flinch. And it’s chilling because it almost looks like she was smiling. The lift of her lips is barely there, but it makes me feel better knowing she went in peace.

I remember that day more clearly than ever. How the grey sky haunts me and the way she spoke so surely about her death still sends chills through my veins. I could have only wished to have looked at her a little closer that day. So that even in her darkest moments, I could be as certain as she was that the image of her would never fade, and I would always be able to memorize each wrinkle in her skin.

So I tell myself that when it’s my time, I’ll do what she said I would. I’ll find her in the next life. And I’ll look a little harder at her, and I’ll admire her for longer.

#tsitp conrad #conrad x reader #conrad fisher angst #conrad fisher #little women #conrad fisher x you #conrad x you #conrad fisher x y/n #conrad fisher x reader #conrad #team conrad

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egoistars · 1 year

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TALKING TO MY GHOST AT NIGHT reo

theres a ghost in the blue lock facility, reo and bachira are sure of it. they also aren't the most reliable sources out there but it was funny, nagi can humor them for a little longer if it means reo will finally get a partner and set him free ( wc : 2.1k+ )

warnings : crack, angst if u blink slowly, reader is a slut for money and so am i, reo is into some weird shit but it's ok they're into each other i promise

“Yo! Yo! Sei-shi-ro!” Bachira called out, once again with glittering stars in his eyes as Reo’s face pales every passing second. “You will never guess what Reo and I found!”

“Nagi, there’s a ghost,” Bachira’s accomplice muttered. “We saw them when we went to eat dinner.”

“You guys are delusional,” the white-haired boy sweatdropped, were they getting enough sleep? Probably not. Ego was absolutely insane and for the first few days Nagi was in the Blue Lock facility, he swore he was losing his five senses ( he was better when he got his phone back but that’s not important ^ _ – ). “Are you guys sure it wasn’t a janitor or cook?”

“We swear!” The dumbass duo retaliated, each one taking hold of one of Nagi’s arms. “They looked like they were our age and they even had the same really ugly dark circles and eyebags as you! There’s no other explanation.”

Nagi was too tired for this shit he just wanted to lie in bed and play mobile games like an elementary school kid. “Well, leave me out of this you guys can get haunted for all I care.”

“What the fuck, Nagi?! Even after all we’ve been through? I’m like the second coming of Jesus to you! I introduced you to the art of playing with balls!” Maybe he could have worded that better but Reo was too deep in the blistering sorrow of betrayal to care about his relationship with the Japanese language.

“Yeah! Listen to Reo! You’re one of us and plus, you and the ghost look equally exhausted so that means you should be the one to talk to them!” Bachira innocently giggled as if he didn’t just set Nagi up for a demonic ritual or whatever the fuck they were planning.

“Can we at least wait until tomorrow?” Nagi whined, his eyelids felt heavy and there was too much stupidity in the room for his brain to handle in a day. His brain was swelling and any more that came out of Bachira or Reo’s mouth would cause it to explode and somehow, his batshit insane rivals teammates will find a way to bring him back to life ( maybe even with the ghost ) and beat the shit out of him for abandoning them ( Reo ).

—

It was getting late and most of the Egoists had gone to their rooms to do whatever was on their schedule next. The reasonable ones went to rest, the weird ones went to train, and then there was the demon named Rin Itoshi who went to follow his yoga routine. Ew, that name sent shivers down Nagi’s spine. He wants to see that guy trip and fall on his ass sometime, that’d be pretty funny, he thinks. It would be even better if his brother did the same. But for Nagi, instead of playing his first-person shooters like how he would like to, the boy was being shushed by Meguru Bachira who was accompanied by an oddly serious looking Reo Mikage.

“Ghost… ghost…” Reo began making different “oOOOoO” noises to mimic ghost sounds from a badly produced Halloween movie. “We come in peace. We don’t plan to hurt you.”

“Yeah! We’re totally cool, you should hang out with us! Look! We even have some random dude who’s like the same breed of human as you! Er… as you were.”

“Bachira I didn’t agree on being a human sacrifice,” Nagi tried saying, but was quickly cut off.

“Shhh! You’re gonna scare it away! No one cares~!”

“Are you mentally well?”

Bachira and Reo let out loud ear-shattering screams, each going straight into Nagi’s head and giving him the most painful migraine he’s ever experienced, so painful that he almost did not realize it was an unfamiliar voice talking to Bachira instead of one of their own. Looking up at whoever it was, it happened to be another teenager who looked relatively normal with no seemingly ghostly features at all.

“Aren’t you guys soccer players? What the fuck are you doing out here ghost hunting?”

“Wait so you aren’t a ghost?” Bachira tilted his head and asked, his eyes blank in confusion while Reo looked like he was short-circuiting.

“No…?” You replied, pinching your skin. “I’m like ninety-nine percent sure I’m alive and well. You guys are hallucinating or something if you think I’m a ghost.”

“T-then why are you here?!” Reo pointed at you and demanded, suddenly thinking you were some intruder or hitman that was hired by one of his family’s rival companies, out to kill him while he happens to be away from home.

“‘Cause I’m that freak Jinpachi’s cousin. I need volunteer hours to graduate so I came here and honestly, I regret it. Nepotism sucks—well, at least this kind. I should’ve been born as some major actor’s kid.”

“Woah! So you aren’t here to kill me, that’s great!” Reo beamed, suddenly very giddy that a cute intern the same age as him would not be an absolute danger to his well-being. It had been years since he felt this electricity in his chest, the last time being when he met Nagi, who had been stuck with him ever since that day on. The purple-haired boy was unsure of whether the pleasure he felt from meeting you was due to a new challenge, or the fact he was genuinely interested in you. After all, he thought you were a ghost the first time he saw you.

“What—huh?! Why would I kill you? What kind of unresolved trauma do you have? Was this Jinpachi’s fault? That man is fucked in the head but he has money so don’t tell anyone about it until he dies and I get all his inheritance, ‘kay?”

Nagi did not know if you morbid words went one of Reo’s ears and out the other or if Reo was weirdly into whatever fantasies you had. Rich people. Bachira, though, was giggling like a devious troll, making squelching kissy noises in Reo’s ear as you went on and on about your plan to save yourself from the world of middle-class living and kick your cousin out of the economic elites so that you could replace him, knowing damn well that Ego could hear you.

And, he did.

A large television screen mounted to the front wall of the Blue Lock Facility cafeteria turned on almost immediately after you stopped talking, displaying a far from happy Jinpachi Ego in all of his bowl-cut glory. The man’s permanent frown was even more of a frown than what Nagi thought was humanly possible, another ew in his book. Man, his coach was depressingly ugly.

Jinpachi Ego was a tired man whose tiredness plummeted into exhaustion every time he had to interact with his hellspawn of a cousin, you. “[name], cut it out and get to cleaning. You aren’t going to get any credits or paychecks if you continue standing there wasting all our time telling people your empty plans of ‘plotting my downfall’,” Ego spoke with his monotone voice, making faux quotes with his hands.

“Oh, shut up old man. You’re literally decaying compared to me. Get to bed, grandpa,” You restored, visibly pissed off but immediately switching your facial expression to a cheery one like a lightswitch as you bid goodbye to the three teenage boys before you and running off to “beat that bowl-cut’s ass”, as you put it.

“Dude, you look like you just met an angel and fell in love!” Bachira laughed in Reo’s face, doubling over and rolling on the floor.

“I think… that’s because I just did,” Reo mumbled, awe still on his face as he blankly stared at the television screen Ego was just on.

—

Once again, Nagi just wanted to go to bed but had his plans interrupted by a very desperate Reo Mikage.

“Come on! Nagi, you just don’t get it. They’re my soulmate, I’m sure of it!”

“Why can't you go alone? Why do you have to drag me into you trying to ask them out? Aren't I just gonna be in the way?”

“Nagi,” Reo whined, pathetically dragging out his name. “I need you there for moral support. I'll piss myself otherwise, you know that.”

“Yeah, and I’ll be sure to laugh at you too when they reject you.”

“I'm gonna punch you.”

“Whatever, just this once, you hear me?”

“Aye, aye, captain!” Reo saluted his closest friend, skipping to the cafeteria to find you. To be honest, he was unsure of whether or not you’d be there but considering the fact you’ve been cleaning the cafeteria at the same times for two days in a row, Reo thought he had a pretty good chance. But of course, luck wouldn't always be on the side of the rich and famous.

Nagi and Reo walked into the large, open room only to find the lights completely out, without a single sound echoing throughout the cold. An eerie feeling took over the previous excitement that Reo felt that evening, accompanying it with a chill down both of their spines.

“They aren't here, let's go back,” Nagi urged. He would never admit it to anyone's face, but the cafeteria was starting to give him the creeps. “Bring Bachira with you next time, he’d be over the moon to help you.”

“No! Wait! This place is creepy as fuck but we haven't even looked yet! Let me just turn on the lights—”

“See? You should be more like your friend here. Why are you in such a hurry to leave? I don't bite!” A voice popped out from right behind Nagi, causing him to physically jump into the air and trip over and onto his knees before violently whipping around, coming face to face with you manically cackling at his reaction. “Man, you're easy to scare!”

“Hi! You're er— [name], right? That's what Ego called you last night,” Reo greeted, “I'm Reo Mikage.”

“Yeah,” Nagi chimed in from on the floor. “He's Reo Mikage.” Reo really wished he followed through with punching Nagi in the face. “He's the heir of the Mikage Corp.”

“Mikage… Mikage… Mikage…” You muttered, trying to remember why that name sounded so oddly familiar to you. Is it the name of a restaurant you went to? No, he said ‘Corp’, that wouldn't make any sense.

“That means he's super rich by the way,” Nagi added one last time before ditching his awestruck friend in the otherwise empty cafeteria that he doubted anyone would go to anytime soon; it was almost nine in the evening.

“Oh my God, you're rich?” You gushed, suddenly very interested in what Reo had to say for himself—well, even more interested. It was like a dream for you; some really pretty dude coming in looking for you specifically, ignoring the part where he thought you were a ghost, of course. But having this same pretty boy turn out to be a super mega rich heir and also be super mega athletic? Jackpot. You won in life. It's God’s apology for making you be related to that bastard Jinpachi Ego. This is your main character moment and you will make sure that boy will be yours before any other trashy gold digger other than you picks him up and takes him away. “That's like, the hottest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“That's not the only thing you're after, right?” Reo cautiously asked. It slightly hurt knowing that you might not actually be interested in him, but only after his wallet instead. It wouldn't be the first time that's happened, but it would be the first time it's happened with someone he was genuinely interested in.

“No, no! Of course not! You're pretty funny and well uh, really cute so even if you were broke I’d shoot my shot.”

If you spoke any more, Reo thought that his cheeks would fucking burst from how hot they felt and he was more than sure his face was a burning crimson red. It was suddenly as hot as a midsummer's day with the sun shining right above his brushed, violet hair, causing his entire body to sweat. “Holy shit I could marry you right now.”

“Hell yeah, let's get married, Reo!” You exclaimed with the same ecstatic eagerness as the boy whose hands you were grabbing onto while jumping up and down.

“[name], get to cleaning. You are not getting married anytime soon.” Before you could start making up your vows on the spot, a shart voice cut through the moment with the click of a button as the television in the cafeteria turned on once again, displaying a displeased, disturbed, and beyond annoyed Jinpachi Ego who was most definitely not pissed off because he can't get himself a partner like how his cousin can.

#reo x reader #reo mikage x reader #mikage reo x reader #blue lock x reader #bllk x reader #blue lock reo #bllk reo #blue lock #reo mikage #mikage reo #bllk #bllk manga #bllk bachira #bllk nagi

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monggay · 3 months

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holy fucking shit you guys. um. i came across. a treasure trove. of um, my past self. came across an old group chat w some friends back when i was like, 12-13, and. holy shit.

good news: apparently i did use to be somewhat talkative and not quite as anxious to talk and interact ! i used to be able to carry conversations! not well or inawkwardly but very much plenty! i used to be able to talk and joke around without taking a million psychic damage just trying to send a message and even just saying whats on my mind carefree without being anxious that itll be weird or that they didnt want me to say that or that i didnt have to scramble for words or be unable to come up with quips or anything to reply other than just 'lol' or 'lmao'!! i feel like these days i only know how to talk and word things in a given or meme way aka all my vocabulary is just. tumblr memes.

bad news: holy fucking shit i was so cringe. like. on another level. on levels unimaginable. i was straight up just. weird. you know, horny preteen discovering sex jokes and crude language and sex humor for the first time? straight up had no filter, loved to ramble, except also had zero social sense still and rambled to a weird and overly and uncomfortable degree where it was just awkward and often said things that just. made the conversation weird? i embraced that weirdness and like, good on me i guess, but i think i just usually ended up saying things? blurting anything on my mind, that well. technically arent bad? or seriously fucked up or anything but just like. will probably haunt me for the rest of my life if i look at it now.

also like. i dont remember any of it ??????? i vaguely remember a Few conversations, but a lot of it? just straight up. unfamiliar to me who the fuck is that i dont remember saying any of that shit that past me is so fundamentally different and alien to me i literally dont recognize or remember anything i did then anymore

apparently i was just a giant nerd who read way too much smut and was just a little too unashamed and had very little sense of appropriateness which yeah i get given my age then its that. age of you know. just got exposed to people being vulgar, recently transitioned to high school from elementary, which is probably like. a way more. fucked up thing that people realize sometimes. cause in elementary i always thought i was still like you know. a little kid. but going into high school (which is younger than in US hs, at 12 y/o) youre suddenly treated or like, expected? to be older? more knowleadgeable? you know that thing about how kids these days are all trying to be adults now and how theres really no more media like the disney teenage live shows that separate little girl to grown lady? i think that jut like, hit me a lot in 7-8th grade + the introduction of nsfw shit and fandom and the internet (cause like. i did not have internet in elementary school, At All. and then suddenly in high school i was supposed to have a messenger account for school, i had a phone, i could use the laptop, i think i had a weird relationship w the internet then, cause at that point all my friends were already exploring facebook and posting etc, but i was so anxious and shy about that already that i just never started (which like, continues to today, i still dont use fb at all, cuase it feels so weird and awkward to start now when i was so adamant against not using it in the past) aaaand ive lost my train of thought and the point of this sentence

#might be a little #vent #y #so

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exhokai · 1 year

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heyy if u write for the group iluna from nijisanji en, may i request an dom!aster x gn!reader where the reader is touch starved but aster is streaming so they ends up wearing smth (u can decide) and barges into asters streaming room and sits on his lap and tries to distract him while hes playing some sort of fps game or league and it makes him stop focusing?

AHAHAHA ASTER ARCADIA HEHEHEH

didnt have a photo sorry bookie

this was more of a switchy aster sorry

switch!aster (sub to top), slight grinding, facefucking, deepthroat, nearly getting caught, cum swallowing, enna breaking the 4th walk

a/n: it took me SO so long to work on this im SO sorry

————————————————————————

oh aster dearest aster. aster was playing his silly little games (i didnt know what to put) and actually playing with kyo, enna, and fulgur. well- more like kyo was listening and the others were playing BUT THATS BESIDES THE POINT

he was chillin vibing fuckin (hehe fuckin) around when you pop into his room. unnoticed. and wearing his sweater. no pants. just underwear. ya nasty- (gets bonked)

you waddle up to his chair and lay your head on his shoulder. he notices you and gives you a little ‘hello’ expression than whispers ‘im busy’. but you dear reader. dont give a shit. you slide down and get under his arm to than slide onto his lap. hes suprised (FLABBAGASTED) as 1.) you’re wearing his sweater. with only some underwear. thats all 2.) you put your arms around his neck to sit fully on his crotch. moving (purposefully may i add) to get more comfortable. he whispers a hurried “what are you doing?!”

kyo heard it. and so did enna. “yo aster you good?” kyo asked (MY LOVE UHHHGHHHHHVHHGGGG) “o-oh im fine” “are you sure my guy you sound a bit off” goddamnit enna. now your gonna make the narrator haunt you with what aster and the reader are doing-

wait. thats my job hehehe- anyways. fulgur takes notice and says “cmon aster even if theres a cute cat climbing in front of you, we need to win. cmon”

yeah. cat. sure. he looks at you. frustration and anger since he could loose his job. but that doesnt matter that you got food on yo table now does it 🤨. you start moving your hips side to side. slowly. slowly enough so its agonizing for aster. he grips you with one hand. signaling to stop. you dont. you kiss his neck moving down so you slide off his lap. he looks down and gives you a warning look to stop as you pull down his sweats

you pull his dick out of his boxers, fascinated even though you’ve sucked his dick before. you instantly put the head in your mouth as he gasps. you can hear the faint sound of fulgur laughing. “AHAHAHA MY BOY ASTER YOU OKAY?” he starts to speak so you suck on the head hard so it comes more as a strangled “i-im okay!!” hes ashamed as you everyone laughs at him. even chat. “you getting your dick sucked my guy” enna asks. you laugh slightly as you move your head down further on his dick “n-no!! just-“ he cuts himself off as he looks at the chat. sudden anger fills him as one of his hands is taken off of the keyboard and grabs your hair to shove you down his dick. a sound of surprise leaving you

“im fine” he says with sudden composure. he has one hand on the keyboard and one on your head loosing focus yet still playing while you gag so hard on his dick. he moves your head a bit and starts thrusting. quickly and hard as you make gagging noises, surprised at this sudden switch of energy in aster

he gives you a look of “dont move” as he shoves you to the base of his cock. tears well up in your eyes from the suddenness of his thrusting. you grip his thighs so your hands aren’t awkwardly sitting there in your lap. his abuse to your throat is painful yet if feels like your head is reeling from it.

“yo aster what the fuck why are you lacking so much” enna asks. he mutters out a sorry as he lets his hand off your hair and back to the game, letting your head fly around a bit without support.

a few minutes go buy. your throat is sore and his hand is back in your hair. and hes close. he looks down at you, and everyone saw it, his chat starts flying

“HELP IS HE GETTING HIS DICK SUCKED”

“ayo aster why you lookin down like that”

“my guy just looked at his crotch oh nahh 💀”

he panics and makes an excuse “sorry guys i felt something fall. lemme get it” he leans down completely as he pushes his chair back and gets on his hands and knees, still facefucking you. “in close. and you better take it. all”. you oblige. you start crying from the insane speed he has with his hips. god was he always like this? he starts whispering ‘im close im close’ till he presses your face against him. making you take his cum down your throat. he pulls out once hes finished

“dont do that again or it will be worse”

(and enna thinks to herself when she wakes up why she had to open her mouth during that collab. as the haunting image of her coworker fucking someones mouth stays branded because of me lmao)

#nijisanji smut #aster arcadia #nijisanji en #nijisanji x reader #aster arcadia smut #aster arcadia x reader

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1eos · 6 months

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May I have some lovely book recommendations on this day <3 😁😁 I'm trying to read more this next year

you sure can!!!!! i'll list my fave reads of the past few years:

convenience store woman by sayaka murata -one of my fave books of all timeeeeee. its basically about a woman who just doesnt fit in into 'normal' society and even tho she's happy ppl feel like she shouldnt be bc she's not progressing w everyone else. if you've been the weird girl ever this book will

ring shout - p djeli clark. a historical fiction novel where the kkk are like demons and theres this organization of black hunters. its action packed but what makes it so amazing is the emotional growth of the characters :') an all time fave

the vanishing half - brit bennett. another AMAZING historical fiction book. its abt family lines....and colorism and twins and what it means to be white passing and privilege and generational trauma. it honestly has toni morrison core vibes where there's a lot of pain but thru love all is healed!

there's no such thing as an easy job by kikuko tsumura. a bit of an eclectic read. this woman takes on different jobs and they each give her grief in a new way. very relatable esp if you hate your job 😭

the vegetarian by han kang. THEE GOAT. i will recc this book until the day i DIE. and even then. its technically a horror story abt the fallout after a woman has a dream/vision and decides to stop eating meat but its sooo much deeper than that. its such a great look at how, as a woman, everything abt you is subject to critique down to what you eat

parasite eve. thee classic scifi horror the video game was inspired by! think frankenstein but there's a love story underneath. but also you question if it was love at all bc what if the mitochrondria inside of us are just manipulating everything we do? i loved it! writing style is a bit clinical but idc

my sister the serial killer by oyinkan braithwaite...i read this one in a single day it was THAT GOOD. sister is a serial killer and the fucking implications and fucked up shit that comes from lookism and family expectations and misogyny tbh. love it~

annihilation by jeff vandermeer. the first in a series but you can just read the first one. its sooooooooooooooooooo good. its a scifi book about this mysterious barrier off the coast that's slowly expanding and inside nature is reclaiming its space and most everyone that enters the barrier never returns.....another quick read bc it will have you HOOKED

yellowface by r f kuang. i don't usually enjoy satire but r f kuang really TOOK IT THERE. this is the most infuriating book you'll ever read but in the best way. this white author w an inferiority complex objectifies her friend that she secretly hates and then steals her friend's book. only thing is the friend is proudly asian and her book is abt specific cultural history so the white girl does diet yellowface and is just a massive bitch

beloved by toni morrison. how do you sum up beloved? i cannot sum up beloved. if i had to sum up beloved i would say 'love is a haunting but not every haunting is love and the only thing that can clear a haunting is love'

in the dream house by carmen maria machado. god probably the best prose i've read all year. a really beautiful but bittersweet autobiographical novel about a bisexual woman's experience with a fucked up abusive relationship and how subtle abuse can be. heavy subject matter but handled soooo beautifully.

the only good indians by stephen graham jones. WHEW. this is a horror......and this book will take you for a fucking ride i'll tell you that. its abt a group of native american men who were childhood friends and due to one mistake they're all haunted by...something that wants to get revenge on them. this book had me going 'DID THAT JUST HAPPEN?' multiple times

#asks

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notthestarwar · 5 months

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Cody and Boba spn au? 👀👀

Oh my god so I started writing this in November and then totally forgot about it till earlier this week when I saw a spn post 😂 I've just had to hunt down my notes which are spread between docs, the back of a cardboard box, a discord conversation, my friends memory (because I told her about it on a voice call apparently) and a notepad before I could figure out where the hell I was going with this one 😂😂

@thesunlikehoney i know you asked about this one too

OK so it all started with this

Which just felt so Jango to me???

So there are no monsters and Jango had raised his 4 kids to be bounty hunters. Alpha leaves when he's old enough, Rex dies, and eventually Cody gets out too leaving Boba and Jango (imagine boba as Dean here). Fast forward a few years and Cody is living a normal life, living with Alpha, and is very dedicated to his normal person job, all until Boba turns up in the middle of the night, dean style.

He explains that Jango has gone missing on a hunt and it turns out that he and Boba had started hunting force users since Cody left and Cody is like. you what??? thats a big no no. very dangerous. Cody agrees to go with him but only for the weekend, he has to be back on monday for his job interview. they investigate the case and find jango's journal but no jango. cody is like. right. i'm going home now.

but he arrives home to find the place burning with alpha (dead) inside and a calling card from ventress, the force user jango had been tracking. boba tells cody that now ventress is on his tail, he cant stay, or she'll burn down his work and everything else, so cody goes with him to stop ventress so he can return to his normal life.

things pretty much go as per spn s1, with jango leading them on and them following after him thinking they are going to find him anytime. theres lots of arguing between the two of them over jango and rex and their upbringing ect.

obi wan makes an apperance as boba and jango's ex jedi hunting consultant and helps them in the hunt for ventress. obi wan is also cody's ex, and they broke up because of jango who refused to tolerate him (but clearly changed his mind at some point after cody leaving) and then cody doesnt contact him after he leaves jango and boba because he wants to get out of the hunting life.

the whole thing is largely about jango being a shit dad but its also about the knockon effect that had on all of them. cycles of trauma. in some ways ending up like the parent that wronged you and having to confront that. rex is pretty much haunting the narrative as nobody has really dealt with his death and theres a lot of anger and grief and not wanting to speak about him. its also about running from your life after something bad happens that you dont want to face (cody with jango and boba, obi wan with the jedi) and how that act of running stops you from letting go of anything, and how there was an alternative, of cody staying in boba's life, of obi wan staying in contact with his family (the jedi), so in some ways its also about balance

tbh its very fun and i'm minorly obsessed with it again now i've revisited

Here's a very unedited snippet from the start:

[...]He’s more than able to defend himself without resorting to weapons.

It’s as he’s thinking this, that something heavy and solid barrels in to him from the direction of the kitchen.

Caught unaware, maybe he is getting rusty, he tumbles to the floor.

The intruder is armoured, beskar if Cody isn’t mistaken. Cody is naked but for boxers. It shouldn’t be a fair fight: Cody hasn’t always been a fair man.

He targets the joins in the mans armour, rolls them over, and its then, that a cloud shifts. A beam of moonlight falls on them and Cody realises, with a drop in his stomach, that he knows this armour.

“Boba?” he asks.

There is a snort from the vocoder. “So you do recognise me?”

“Of course I do! Boba. What the hell?”

“I could ask the same of you. Did you have to tackle me like that.”

Cody is taken aback for a second. “Did I have to…You attacked me! In my home! What is wrong with you?”

Boba sighs, the vocoder clicking off, his brothers true voice filtering though. “I was disarming you.” He says, like it’s obvious. “Didn’t want you to shoot first ask questions after.”

“I wouldn’t…” Cody shakes his head. “I’m not like that anymore.”

He’s still hovering over Boba, holding him to the floor. He comes back to himself, climbing to his feet and holding out a hand to pull Boba up.

“Boba. What the hell are you doing here?”

Boba shrugs, releasing his helmet with a hiss and hooking it to his belt. He raises an eyebrow. “I could ask the same of you.” He looks around unimpressed.

“No. You could not.” Cody tells him blankly. “This is my home. I live here Boba. Not with you, I got out, remember?” He scoffs. “Haven’t seen you in ten years. So what the hell are you doing here now?”

Boba gives him a long look. “Looking for you.”

thank you for asking!

#notthereply #wip ask game #ask game #snippet #star wars spn au

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punk-in-docs · 2 years

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Hi love! I’m not sure if I requested this here or not (so if I did please ignore this and know I’m terribly sorry for asking again, I have a garbage memory) but if I didn’t, can I request an Eddie x reader fic where they’ve been in an established relationship (maybe like a year or 2). How do you think they would celebrate their anniversary? Like how do you think Eddie would be in particular, cuz I can see that lovable goofball being an anxious mess because he wants to do so much. But I’m interested to see what you think would happen in this sort of scenario, cuz you write Eddie so damn good ;)

Ok ok hear me out on this one cause I can so picture something: and it goes a little like this-

🍁love is kinda crazy with a spooky little boy like you🍁

Eddie yowled in front of you like a startled cat. You’d swear if he could, he’d raise his spiky hackles on end.

Does that thing with his arms, where he goes all shrivelled and squirrely. Mouth wide and shaped like a kidney bean as he shrieks.

Bravely though, batting the stuffed clowns cackling head, that just sprang out the shredded walls at you.

You’re lost wandering deep within the twisted seedy belly of the haunted house maze.

He punched his fist into the soft squish of the dummies head. Tufts of coarse blueberry coloured hair. Bulging chilli red eyes popping out at the pair of you. Grin all macabre on its stupid rubbery painted face.

He hates clowns. Doesn’t even like the one in that Bowie video.

“Fucker.” He hissed as he swiped at it again. Heart racing hummingbird fast in his throat.

Crushed his metal rings into it again, just because. Grits his teeth. He’s on edge.

Why did he agree to this scare jumping, spine chilling fuckery again-

Cause it’s stupid and fun. Get in the Halloween spirit. You’d said.

Then gave him a deep, beautiful kiss that was all toffee apple and pink pink cotton candy. Your tongue furred with sugar and, damn, how he suddenly forgot why he was ever mad. Haunted what? Scared, who?

“I do not like this.” He tells you.

Kept telling you, actually. His eyes go darting around corners. Gaze scanning ahead like you were tiptoeing enemies in a live war-zone.

“You’ve said that already.”

“And you apparently didn’t want to listen. So I’ll say it, once more, with feeling- I DON’T like this.” He repeats. Voice rising to a pitchy squeak.

He jiggles on the spot. Cagey. Jesus H Christ.

“Never again. I promise.” You smooth a hand to his chest and pat him on his Judas Priest shirt. Leaves warmth where you touch him that he’s too scared to enjoy right now.

“I mean what’s so wrong with the fucking bumper cars, honey? They don’t have dead fake mangled things everywhere with stuff popping out the walls- shit.”

He backs away sidewards, whimpers, edges away sudden, the wall next to him is broken wood slats and nails, with stubby zombie hands now poking through. Black rotting nails all split, half eaten flesh all green, yellow dirty bones exposed. Grunts of the undead leak through from the other side. Searching for your living juicy meat.

“I ain’t got any brains for you to eat. Morons. Go swivel.” He defends. It makes you smile.

“You like horror movies, Eddie, I thought you’d find it cool.” You try to offer in your own defence for getting you both in here.

His hand squeezes yours. Tight. Clammy with sweat.

“You can turn a movie off. Princess. You can press pause or take the video out, leave the room. It’s a small screen you can manage. I didn’t say ‘yeah sure, honey, drop me onto the fucking set of Night of the living dead. I don’t mind’.” He snaps quickly in parody. He doesn’t mean it nastily.

Despite everything, you can’t help it. You chuckle. He looks at you with a very specific look in his eyes.

You feel his hands grip for your hips in your pretty dress. He comes up right close behind you. You feel his hair brushing dry at the back of your neck. His lips skate against the crown of your head.

“Oh you’re so in for it if we make it out of here alive.”

“Theres optimism.” You rib at him. Reaching back to cup your hand over his cheekbone.

“Vamonos.” He encourages. Sneaking down and patting your ass softly.

You pass along a section of hallway where the lights blink, maniacal Vincent Price-esque laughs bubble up all around you. Rolling through the maze and snatching at your running heels.

Ghosts in jangling dragging chains with arms outstretched. Apple green eyes glowing under the white sheet. Groans and wails. The lilac purple gothic room full of creepy eyeless dolls, a chirpy lullaby from a demented music box tinkling away.

‘Help’ crudely scrawled on the walls in sticky fingertip blood, hand smears too, in the mouldy white tiles of the crazy surgeons dungeon. Screams pierce. Fake amputated limbs scattered across the operating table. Blood tinged saws and knives.

Now. He goes into his famous Munson defence mode. Scurrying along and keeping you pulled behind him. Arms braced out with you bracketed between them. Pulling you into his back and offering his own front as your shield.

The Dio vested Knight he was, all chivalry and manners, putting himself at risk for love of you. His maiden. His one. Maid Marian to his Robin Hood. Or more likely, as he liked to think of it, Marianne Faithfull to his Mick Jagger. Much cooler.

You looped your fingers through his. Pulling him back to your side.

“Don’t worry. I’ll always protect you, big boy.” You wink at him. Makes his heart squeeze and flash faster when you do that. You lean in and nuzzle a kiss onto his jaw.

He pulls you in closer. Your chest brushing into his. A twitchy sort of frenzy on his face.

“I just want you to know. If we weren’t in this hellscape. I would be making out with you so hard right now.”

“Noted.” You beam. Pulling him along again, shadows roll and flick over a movement down the corridor in your peripheral. You strong arm him away before the chain saw guy with the peeling rubber face and “human skin” mask could catch you.

That split cherry soft of your grin. He’s so soft for it. Lips pink from that watermelon balm you use that he never lets linger for too long. He would be lying if he said he didn’t like the silky taste.

You laugh and shriek when a guy in a skeleton costume, comes bursting cunningly out the slanted shadows of a corner.

“Leaving so soon?” He snarls.

“Eat shit, bonehead.” Eddie fairly screeches, and tugs you along with him. Body blocking you. Reeling you along to, hopefully, the fucking exit of this creepy hell hole.

Halle-fucking-lujah. It’s up ahead on the right. The lovely big green arrows pointing to the exit. Salvation. Freedom.

He yanks on your wrist and you run full speed towards it. Ghoul hands painted blue make one last attempt to rip at your clothes. Eddie bats them away.

Not today fuckers. Me and my lady getting out of here-

It’s definitely a relief when you come to the cooling wash of night air outside. It was stuffy inside. The cramped space choking with the smell of warm tacky plastic, and stale air lining the horror laden walls. The night air is so thick and blue out here you could drink it. Sticky opium of a bruising fall night.

The air is throbbing deep with autumnal scents. Warm bubbling cider. Fried funnel cakes. Buttery caramel popcorn and soft pretzels studded with salt. That definable gooey orange scent that comes gouged out the insides of pumpkins, pitted with seeds.

The wind isn’t threaded with a biting cold yet, but it promises too, as the treacly night drags on. Leaves, the colour of gold and apricot, crunch and snap under your feet.

Your favourite time of year. The best. The slice of the cold that has you reaching for chunky sweaters. Cold knifing rain on grey dour windows and gloomy days. Splashing your boots into autumn puddles mucked with leaves.

Horror movies, carving pumpkins, and baking orange and black sprinkle cookies with Eddie in the trailer.

He always went full tilt overkill and added way way too many sprinkles. More sprinkles than cookie, really. Lacing the place with the scents of sugar and vanilla dough. And home. Sitting out on the porch with a warm cider in your hands chatting to Wayne as he smokes. Laughing at Eddie whining about washing the dishes- getting excited that the cookies were rising too.

Eddie takes a deep breath. Scanning up at the haunted house maze you’d just stumbled through. His hand still very much clutched on yours. He meant what he said. He’d never let go. Eddie keeps his word.

Although the truth be told, he made you promise you wouldn’t let his hand go the second you stepped inside that maze.

You hadn’t let go of this hand for two years. You weren’t planning to start now.

And yes, the full fact of being here again is crashing into your gut. Making you all mushy swooning and sentimental. It was your tradition after all-

“Come on. Handsome. Let’s go. I’ll buy you a corn dog as a reward for being so tough back in there. Protecting me.” You nudge his arm to bring him in.

He steps towards you and curls you into them. Rubbing his arms along your sides. Looping hands around the back of your waist. He doesn’t say anything but he’s definitely smiling down at you. His belly pressed to you. Tilts his head. Pensive look on his face.

You’re touching in so many places. All tangled and wrapped up in leather and denim like you usually are around him.

“What is it?” You ask him. Scanning that maniacal face and those deep puddles of oozing chocolate eyes for an answer.

“It’s been two years. To the exact day.” He says softly. His thumbs smoothing over the backs of your hips.

You smile at his recounting it. “Believe me. Munson. I remember.”

“We were arguing. On top of that very Ferris wheel. Two years ago. When I first asked you out.” He points behind your hip with his finger.

Up towards the huge circular ride studded with yellow and red bulbs all the way around. A huge golden eye of dragging slow metal brushed against the navy sky.

“I was winning the argument by the way.”

“You always do. Cause I’m such a peach. I let you.” He winks. Grins all big. Shiny teeth.

Mainly he loses cause he just skips up to you like a jester, spins you around, and kisses you until you’re smiling again.

“…And it was the fourth time you asked me out. To which I finally relented, and said yes. Only if I can pick the movie and we can get cotton candy afterwards.” You beamed.

“You didn’t tell me you very vehemently hated heights.” He teased.

“I went on that ride for the excuse of being sat next to you for ten minutes, you dope.” You tell him.

It rips a chuckle out that pillowy lovely mouth. You slip your arms around the back of his neck. Sway into him. Narrow your eyes when he laughed.

“It worked. I got to kiss you and I got a date. Even if you did break all the bones in my hand you squeezed it so hard.” He recalled. He had blue knuckles for three weeks. Swollen sore. He couldn’t play guitar for a month.

He drags one curled knuckle over your cheek. Those eyes of yours he loves - the eyes he’s a servant too - are brimming golden, bursting with the fairground lights glimmering all around you. Threaded chilli red in your hair too.

“And you bought me the most huge pink cotton candy I’d ever seen.”

“Shaped like a fucking heart.” He smiled.“You feral little thing. Ate it all in ten minutes.”

“You helped.” You pointed out.

He leaned in and brushed his nose across your cheek. Into the nest of your hair. Kisses your jaw. You chuckled and slipped your arm up his back.

“Kissed most of it off your lips.” He remembers in a soft mumble, with a waggle of those brows. Lips planted against your cheek. Tone dipping naughtily into flirt.

Kissed and kissed until the sugar made him feel sick. Now he knew what the term lovesick meant. His metal and thorn wrapped rocker heart you had cupped safely in your hands. He’d never have it any other way.

You yank your hand into the back of his wild hair. Hold him still as you devour his lips with yours. Taste the Marlboro smoke that lived at a permanent address on his tongue. Pipped with the sweet toffee from the apple you’d both pecked at earlier. He’d kissed and bitten his pieces of apple right out your offered mouth.

Tasty as fuck, he’d said. He hadn’t even meant the apple.

He moans and you feel it shoot and slice to your belly. Gut punch love. His moans- they are better than music.

He cups you and keeps you yanked firm against his front as he kisses you back. Sneaks his tongue into your mouth, and the way it brushes yours makes your knees whirl all useless.

Damn his tongue should be criminal to be that good-

You don’t care that crowds of people are cutting around where you’re making out with your boyfriend. It was a carnival. High schoolers were dating and kissing horny all over the damn place.

What was one more star studded couple with hearts lodged in their eyes?

You cross your arms around the back of his neck. He tips into you. Skims his big warm hands up the backs of your smooth thighs. Resists cupping your ass in public- he should really get a medal for that. C’mon-

When you pull back, he chases after your mouth. Greedy and always so. Not ready for it to be over yet. He’s never ready to stop kissing you.

“Kettle corn. A pink lemonade. And a corn dog. Final offer.” You smile at him. An effective bargaining chip you kept in your pocket. Plying him with food as persuasion.

The way into Eddie Munson’s heart was occasionally via a funky reroute to his stomach.

You’re shameless and it works.

“Sold.” He grins. Enjoying the hell out of the way your tits are crushed to his chest right now.

“…Then the Ferris Wheel, honey.” He smirks with a pure maniacal grin of evil. “You can break my fingers again. I’ll let you.”

“This is you getting your own back for the haunted maze isn’t it.” You wilfully decide. That stubborn jut of your chin. Unimpressed eyes scratching daggers at him.

“My hand hasn’t left yours for two years. Sweet cheeks. Not gonna start now.” He beams.

He loops an arm over your shoulder. Steers you towards the corn dog stand. You tangle your steps alongside his. Slide your arm across his trim waist. His leather arm cold around your shoulder.

“Then after the food and the Ferris wheel. I’m gonna take you back to the van. And do filthy filthy things to you, whilst the firework show bursts across the sky.” The way his lips brush the shell of your ear makes your thighs wobble and shoot with sensation.

“Filthy you say?” You ask with hot blood gathering up in your cheeks. Gold lights bloom in his dark eyes like round petals. Dazzling.

“Yep.” He pops the p.

“Gonna lick you real slow. Make you yelp. Then just gonna slide my tongue right in, far as I can, I’m not gonna be stopping until you melt. Right into my mouth.” He decides with a playful little kiss to your jaw.

Goddamn it this boy knows how to make your pussy throb and clench.

“Is this all part of your grand revenge plan?” You seek.

“No. Baby. Just a damn good way to spend a Friday night with my favourite chick.”

Your heart is all melty. Slipping down the insides of your butter soft ribs. You do so love this man with every single tiny atom of your being.

“I thought your guitar was your favourite chick?” You play.

He grins. Chucked all sweet. “Nah. You feed me. You win hands down babe.”

Tagging some Munson babes; @indouloureux @youaremyfamiliar @fujiihime @groupie-love-71 @stiegasaw @thelyingpierrot @munsonquinns @captain-tch @ramona-thorns @starbxcks @morganamoonstone

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beatcroc · 2 months

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How do you feel about Theodore Noisevelt? As someone with ADHD I can feel it oozinf out of him so bad I love him so much

noise is the one guy i've kept intentionally 1-dimensional/ comic relief because i simply enjoy tormenting him too much and if i gave him any real depth i'd start feeling bad about it shjsdjsdf. also i dont even TRY to reconcile the unmasked 'just some guy' Theodore J. with noise's regular look because theres just way too much mental dissonance there. hes not allowed to be normal like that theodore j. isnt real he cant hurt me

i started trying to come at this one like 3 different ways and it turns out i have a lot of trouble organizing my thoughts about noise too. he sucks and i hate him. by which i mean hes great and i love him. I think he's one of the best examples of how to make a character legitimately fun and enjoyable despite being a horrible little shitlord with zero redeeming qualities. You just gotta 1: keep it light, 2:CRUCIALLY: make him funny, and 3: as a potent extra bonus in noise's case specifically, make him a huge fucking loser who is only /almost/ able to fully convince you of the contrary.

Point 1 is like 90% just because this game is funny cartoons and leans hard into that, and noise is like, the MOST cartoons out of everyone. like when i say unmasked noise haunts me it's because he does not feel like he should be A Guy. he is a Cartoon Entity. but seeing as pizza tower can also pull a surprising amount of gravitas when it wants to, that last 10% is really just that like. Noise isn't really actively mean? He is an absolute hellion but he's not Mean. More than anything he just wants to get a rise out of people, and though this often entails being destructive, none of his bastardry really does much lasting or large-scale damage [compared to, perhaps, lets say, pizzahead]

2 wraps pack into both other points; he's funny both because it's cartoons, and because he's a huge loser. A tangential point to both of those that fits here though is that he's fucking like pathologically obsessed with peppino. Which is really par the course for like half the characters in this game, and i do think at least half the reason he targets peppino so much is just that peppino is Incredibly Easy to get a big reaction out of, but it also seems like there's more to it that just that? and for noise specifically there's like zero logical reason for it??? He is, in nearly all walks of life, far better off than peppino, and yet. Here he is. Seemingly quite jealous and insistent on tormenting [and perhaps even imitating?] this guy who is realistically quite far beneath him. And like. Why. Don't you have better things to be doing mr. TV star? You literally have better things to be doing but this is what you're dedicating yourself to you fucking little weirdo. And it's not even like a genuine hatred! It's a bit! They're still like lunch buddies off-camera or whatever! I forgot where I was going with this im moving on

Point 3 is just. He doesn't have any fucking friends? You can kinda get the vibe of this normally but getting his campaign REALLY drives home how much emptier all his shtick is than peppino's. And this would potentially be kinda sad if not for the fact that 1. He doesn't care at all and 2. It is his own damn fault. for being such a such a petty little gloryhound. like for the most part the cast of this game is pretty befriend-able but noise is only particularly interested in being the center of attention at all times; and he will lie, cheat, and kill to make sure it stays that way. and again hes allowed to do this because its funny cartoons. and also because no one cares. its just like yeah, that's noise, he's our local bastard, whatever. he puts on so much bravado and no one is phased by it they all know he is full of shit. he never drops the act because GOD FORBID he not be the coolest and best at everything forever and everybody else just kinda lets him believe it and/or let him believe he has them fooled. there's also the occasional peeks that he hates but then like BRO WHY ARE YOU DOING IT???? YOU CAN STOP. NOBODY WOULD MIND!! IVE SEEN YOU HAVING CASUAL LUNCH WITH PEPPINO!!!! anyway. i think thats pretty much everything i wanted to say.

tldr: thank you funny cartoons

#pizzaposting #this turned into a mini essay which i did not really intend. sorry for taking a month </3

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emilinqa · 2 months

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what do you think about the search for spock

LOLL thank you for asking. i wasnt expecting someone to actually send me an ask when i said that but youve opened pandoras box. so.

i think the thing about the search for spock that makes it stick in my head so bad is that in reality its like. a mid movie. its okay. it falls short in almost everything it tries to do but it hits the emotional highs and lows and looks good which means it gets by just fine. it's one of those 80s movies where you get about an hour in and realize oh okay the plot is happening. like this is it. TMP suffers a little bit in this way too but its also why i find myself thinking about it much more than the "good" movies.

the curse of tmp and tsfs that particularly riddles me is that i think they have some really interesting things going on conceptually that never come to fruition-- not necessarily at fault of the movie because they're ultimately minor and i dont really know how they would explore them in greater ways-- but that i find personally very compelling. i've said this before but i yearn for a star trek space horror movie so deeply and im not gonna punish either tmp nor tsfs for not being something they're not trying to be but i think the horror elements of both movies are really untapped in terms of fan exploration/meta/content. the spock/mccoy stuck in the same body mind meld thing is played mostly for laughs (because it is a good bit. and very funny) but honestly i find the fact it like. physically makes mccoy sick and absolutely freaks everyone the fuck out like good for haunting reasons.

THIS SCENE in particular i think hits the mark on the weird creepy aspect of mccoy being partially posessed by spocks katra

youtube

it also helps its shot and lit clearly with some horror influences in mind; the way bones is sitting creepily in the chair while spocks voice speaks through him, enshrouded in shadow, etc.. of course the movie has to split itself between the ship and what's happening on the genesis planet but i really would have loved some more of these moments where spock is Haunting the enterprise and its freaking everyone the fuck out. there is that bit later on where bones actually speaks in spocks voice on the bridge and kirk turns around like wow bones that was really cool never do that shit again that was freaky as fuck and its mostly just funny but the implication that spocks actual voice can be spoken through mccoys body is something im thinking about. really bad.

i really enjoy the ways the movie shows kirk is so deeply haunted by the death of spock (i mean, the movie opens with him saying "the death of spock is like an open wound" so.) and obviously by extension, mccoy, who is stuck with spocks literal soul in his brain the whole movie. the mind meld scene with sarek is also a really good moment which is also just shot and lit well. are you sensing a theme here. im easily swayed by pretty colors.

this in combination with the weird gross regenerative process spock's body is going through on the genesis planet is very compelling to me. i was talking to a friend about this recently and he brought up that he was imagining that spock and the genisis planet had kind of a symbiosis; that he could feel the terror and disaster of the planet even outside of the biological regeneration process his own body was going through which i thought was fascinating. especially because of all the moments during the series where spock would mind meld with a being everyone else was unable to comprehend as a life form. theres something there.

its not really explored in the movie, and really not in depth in any of the further movies, but i also think spock losing his memory after being rejoined with his body is an interesting addition to the themes of rebirth and memory. the rift created between everyone who remembers spock before and wants to allow the New Spock to be the man he wants to be, but they're ultimately haunted by the lives they all had with him before. kirk having spent a whole life with him, only to lose him, gain him back, and then have spock not really remember what they had before. kirk trying not to resent him for it, spock knowing it doesn't make sense to be hurt that kirk wants him to be something he can't, etc etc. its good stuff.

tldr they should send me back in time so i can make the 80s star trek horror movie ive always wanted.

#ask

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